#maybe that just makes me human | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

juststuffshere · 6 months

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I have a love-hate relationship with those posts that are like "if you want your friend group to do this thing, be the one to organize that thing!" "you have to be the one to text first" "if you want genuine friendships, the fact is that you have to put in the work." I get it, yeah, and I agree, connections come easier when you're reaching out. but I have spent my entire life in draining, one-sided, often toxic relationships, desperately putting every last ounce of my energy into maintaining and improving relationships that I never get anything close to the same amount of effort out of. it is fucking exhausting. boyfriends, best friends, family members, I have had to fight, tooth and nail, to have a fulfilling relationship with. and the vast majority of those relationships don't exist anymore, because the second my effort level dropped, the relationship evaporated, because the other person wouldn't pick up the slack and we just weren't able to recover, no matter what I did. I am tired. so, so tired, and so, so lonely, but I just can't make myself do it anymore. I can't make myself text another group chat and get ignored day after day. if I get another "sorry for the late reply, I'm not available at that time but can we reschedule :)" text two days after I send an invite, I'm going to implode. I've had enough of clinging to people that can't even reach for me. I've had enough of vain attempts at arranging get togethers. I've had enough of being the organizer, the first texter, the planner, the rock. I can't even stand making small talk in my classes anymore, because the second I stop, the whole table goes silent. I've never had a friend that wasn't either using me, or someone I felt responsible for. I've never had a friend I could depend on, because the ones I could bring my problems to either brushed them off or used them to manipulate me, and the others I needed to be there for, so I couldn't make them feel like I wasn't capable of doing so. I've never had a friend willing to put the same amount of effort into our relationship, even for a little while, as I was routinely putting in just to keep it alive. I know there are people out there who would. I know there are people out there who could be everything I've ever wanted in a friend, a partner, whatever. I'm just tired. I can't do it anymore. I can't continue to be the one to do the work. I think about those goddamn posts every time I wish my lab mates were more talkative, my project group would actually meet in person, my coworker would text or even ask for my instagram. I know I don't have friends because I don't try to make friends. but I'm sick of it. and I say that and I still try. but every time I realize I'm the only one really conversing, and the three people at my lab table are just giving me "uh huh's" and "that's crazy's," it feels like getting punched in the gut. every time I send a message to my shitty roommates and it goes unanswered for days I feel like I'm losing my mind. I am burning myself up just trying to find someone to get lunch with me. I don't understand how other people do it. the mental illness probably isn't helping. but I no longer put any more effort into my friendships than I'm getting back, and it's depressing as hell that I can already see them fading. I stop trying to reach out to new friends when they aren't doing the same for me. I cried three times writing this stupid post, and all I can think about is how this might make me toxic, or lazy, or in some other way the problem. maybe it does. I don't know. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I can't do it anymore. maybe I'm being unrealistic. maybe I'm doing something wrong. I don't know. but just once, I want someone to put in the effort for me.

#maybe that just makes me human #i dont know #is this a vent or a rant or whatever #don't know that either #anyways #bye

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puppyeared · 1 year

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learned something about myself lately

#i dont think its even the fact almost all my characters are somewhat beasts in one way or another. i just #really like tails and wish i had one myself #and then my oc designs are a little tame theyre mostly human shaped with animal features. but they always have tails #my eyes have recently been opened to the appeal of long whiplike unicorn tails.. so flowy and curly #something about the tuft at the end being long and swirly just does something for me..#maybe it would make sense to change auggies tail shape so it looks like a meteor. her design is mainly pink with hot pink accent #so it would be cool to use that and orange to make it look like a fire meteor.. maybe itll help complement the blue/green in her design #head full of ocs today so expect a ramble later #if i had a tail i think it would be long with a kink. so it kind of folds over once but not in a curl #when it wags its kind of a swaying motion. i have thought about this a normal amount #yapping

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koipepo · 8 months

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That omake of little Kabru not being able to show off his howetown sweets because of Misril gets to me a lot so...

Here's a happier Kabru (and Lairu)

#kabru #lairu #labru #laios #dungeon meshi #my art #my fanart #fanart #idk why i resort to fluffy fanart even tho i keep thinking and seeing gag/hornt lairu stuff #kabru is just so.. fascinating and actually endlessly tragic #i kinda like that ryoko kui doesnt try to over-explain or dramatize her characters that have tragic backstories. it makes her world that-#-much more believable and realistic. that being said i will devour more kabru stories from her #i kinda cant stop thinking abt kabru (and to an extent lairu)#ik in Lairu/Labru fanart Kabru is usually depicted as humorously in denial guy #but i see it everywhere and it made me think more of their more understanding phase in the epilogue #maybe laios is ooc here but i think he will also warm up to human connection now that he actually has people he cares abt around him #(and maybe because kabru is teaching him tips and trick to be a Normal Guy lmao)#im also not very good at humor so theres only so much i can do with gag lairu 😂

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twinstxrs · 6 months

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idk if this is accurate but i’ve felt like in previous seasons riz & gorgug have been one of the inter-bad kids dynamics we’ve seen the least of & this season has been so great in that aspect. gorgug having helped make some of riz’s magic gear. riz helping gorgug with his studies. the shared birthday party. gorgug’s gift to riz being something he himself made to protect riz. riz’s gift to gorgug being something he illegally grabbed to protect gorgug. gorgug who utilizes rage to put his body on the line for his friends & riz who will take deep levels of mental stress for his friends. even though it was within the context of a joke, riz calling gorgug an “absolute sweetie.” like yea they might not be in a band together or both part of a presidential campaign team or owlbears teammates, but they’d go to war for each other, because they’re best friends.

#riz gukgak #gorgug thistlespring #fantasy high #dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #these kids are all so self-sacrificing but i do think riz gorgug are the most clear (& juxtaposed) self-sacrificers #riz will mentally tear himself to pieces and get lost in cases and take on ungodly levels of stress for those he loves #gorgug will use himself as a human shield. he will take hit after hit if it means his friends are okay.#and they’d both do the other thing too. riz would let himself get hit for gorgug. gorgug would pull all nighters & take stress for riz.#even if mechanically they can’t or it wouldn’t make sense. they would if they could.#also #the starstruck barry mechanic of being a guard is so gorgug. it’s soooo gorgug like that’s literally him #anyways love this tall green guy & this short green guy so much #especially because gorgug is tall & considered intimidating but protective in a deeply kind way #while riz is short & underestimated but protective in a deeply vicious way (affectionate)#i hope this makes sense but i think riz is primarily ‘i would kill for you’ & gorgug is primarily ‘i would die for you’ maybe #this does not mean gorgug would not kill for riz or riz would not die for gorgug. they both would.#but those are the primary ways their love manifests due to the nature of their strengths/personalities. To Me #idk this is all just me saying stuff when i should be sleeping 😭#sorry if i missed a riz gorgug moment in the main post btw i’m tired

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sourapplesauces · 2 months

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This is meant to be after the circus, its non canon to my au but its still my human designs ahshshs. I did this on aggie so its super oversimplified and i didnt have much of a story to begin with buuut i sorta came up with one i guess.

The main idea is that nearly a year after escaping the circus, Jax manages to find most of the cast including Pomni and Ragatha. But he doesn’t tell them about it and instead suggests Pomni visit a local café which he is aware Ragatha works at. They end up having this encounter and they’re immediately drawn to each other but they dont reveal who they really are because they both have doubts. So they end up meeting over and over again until eventually theyre like omg ur the loml!!! bla bla bla they grow old and die together. The end!!

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sergle · 3 months

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man, you know, nobody asked me, but I have such conflicting opinions on some of the fat falin art, where on one hand: it's always nice to see A Fat Body in fanart anywhere + it's being done in positive ways, for funsies and on the other hand, there is something so familiar about how you are automatically The Fat One if you are a woman simply standing next to a more petite woman, bc I've had a 0% hitrate in seeing people change Marcille's body type and keep Falin's, or change both of them. it's just Falin

#it gives me a negative feeling that I seldom/never get from seeing fat art which is rare #like she's not fat out of thin air For Fun And No Other Reason and she's not fat bc of context #(out of thin air being like just picking a character you like and changing their design just cuz. Kabru maybe.)#(and Because Of Context being the way ppl draw fat Usagi from sailor moon. which i have been meaning to do btw)#but rather she's fat just bc to be Not the thinnest woman in the room is to be fat. like it happens specifically by scale #because marcille is so much physically smaller and petite and falin is bigger in the ways that a Human Woman is bigger #than an elf woman #and it's funny bc it's something i see all the time already #people also really don't seem to have an interest in making marcille butch in fanart in a way #that is sort of sad for me bc it's like ah well she's the thin small one so of course she gets to be feminine #if you're physically bigger then of course you get to be masc of course of course of course...#i also love good butch art esp fat butch stuff but this is about the phenomenon where if you're with #a thinner shorter woman then that means you're the butch now which is a place I have been to #and I did not like it there #I think part of why That sticks it to me is bc marcille has such a Butch Girlfriend personality and falin acts so demure LMAO #but she's slightly bigger so the writing is on the wall #sergle.txt #Godspeed to you if you choose to read these thoughts in bad faith bc I can't give you more clarifying statements if I try #like I said. conflicting feelings #i don't know if anyone else has similar thoughts it May Just Be Me #I don't think ppl think about this stuff when they make their fan redesigns but it gives me a certain feeling

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katnissmellarkkk · 10 days

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favorite book quotes :

“It feels like such a luxury, sleeping with Peeta again. I didn’t realize until now how starved I’ve been for human closeness. For the feel of him beside me in the darkness. I wish I hadn’t wasted the last couple of nights shutting him out. I sink down into sleep, enveloped in his warmth, and when I open my eyes again, daylight’s streaming through the windows.”

- catching fire (2009) by suzanne collins

#everlark #thg #hunger games #Katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #fbq #myphotoart #this is a quote in my 4 years in this fandom I’ve never seen appreciated and maybe it’s because of her talking of being starved for human #connection that makes most feel like it’s a little impersonal like she’s thinking it could be anyone in her bed with her #but if you recognize : the very next sentence is basically her amending that thought right away #like ‘I’ve missed having someone with me at night…. no actually I’ve missed having Peeta with me at night’#like she’s saying I’ve missed this no wait actually I’ve missed HIM #for the feel of him beside me in the darkness #not just somebody beside her but him!#also her stating that she feels Peeta all night beside her even when she’s sleeping is also sweet he really is her safe haven #i digress now

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bunnieswithknives · 2 months

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hey in ur peri animatic: (https://youtu.be/OCqlRuDaXYU?si=K52WDu_vw9rg7chz) that I have been permanently obsessed over since today and have watched about 20 times by now so much that I have drawn & posted stuff based on it what was that partial bug form peri had?

I haven’t watched either of the show btw so if it’s explained in the show please tell me plsssss

OK, SO the bug thing is not technically canon to the series. It's based on my own headcanons for fairy biology, but i do have justifications for it!! Fairies have very strong shape-shifting abilities, so it would make sense that the form they show to humans isn't necessarily their true form(not to mention extreme that mimicry is very common in insects). And you want to know the visible traits almost every fairy has in common? Being very small with Insect-like wings.

The fact that their humanoid form isn't their true form in actually confirmed in the show! Cosmo and Wanda are revealed to look like biblically accurate pseudo-angels in the museum episode. (I say pseudo angels because the Flaming Sword of Eden is only debatably sentient and I don't think is considered an angel. Ophanim are also debatably not angels because they don't have wings (sorry for the angel tangent I like angels))

So wouldn't their true forms be angelic then? Well, yes. But I like bugs so. Also I have more headcanons to justify myself. I like to think that they have both a true-true form (incomprehensible to the human brain, probably exists mostly in a dimension invisible to us, that looks how we imagine biblically accurate angels), and a fairy form (which is visible to humans but is naturally very insect like and tends to scare people). So, in order to interact with humans, they have to learn to shapeshift into a humanoid form but will occasionally slip if they get too relaxed/aren't careful, hence the mandibles coming out when he yawns!

The reason they struggle so much more with human forms than the animals or objects they typically turn into is that, well, they aren't trying to convince those animals or objects. The more human they try to look, the harder it is to keep up convincingly. If you turn into a really uncanny squirrel, only other squirrels will notice. If you turn into a really uncanny human, they form a lynch mob and burn you at the stake.

#fop #fairly oddparents #fairly oddparents a new wish #fop a new wish #headcanons #ok I think I said everything I wanted to #my brain has so many useless thoughts bouncing around in there #their bright colors would also imply that they are poisonous to eat #my personal theory is that Jorgen is half human idk how else to explain whatever he is. tall. no wings. that or he's something else entirel #maybe he's a higher rank of angel #fairies are definitely a type of angel in this world #but they don't seem to line up with any specific rank as far as I can tell #they behave most like I'd expect a Guardian angel to which could make Jorgen an Archangel or Principality #but Ophanims are in the first sphere of heaven which. uh I don't think it's right #to be clear I'm not even religious im just way too into angels #Uhhhh anyway I guess the moral of the story is that I did that just because I wanted to an because nobody could stop me #Actually Im just thinking about this now #I mostly drew baby poof without bug features to keep his design uncluttered visually #but fairies having naturally very human looking larva would explain how changelings happen #something something evolution. mutualism. those parasite birds. idk #ok im out of thoughts now seriously this time youre free now #speculative biology

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bamsara · 2 years

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being an adult means we can buy or make as much self-indulgent shit (as we can afford) and unironically have trinkets of our fave things cause our teen years was bullied for liking things and hiding/denying we were ever neurodivergent to the point of suicide. sucks for anyone that thinks its weird cringe but I'm going to try and allow myself to love myself in little ways now

#wish i could tell younger me that i wasnt fucked up i was just autistic #even if youre not nd i still think having things you enjoy around you is important especially for your space #so i make a notable effort to get fandom stuff for my younger siblings now #like my lil sister thinks getting demon slayer stuff is cringe cause anime and what not (havent read it sorry)#but her face still lights up when i get her a pin for her #or a blind bag with a character keychain #and very slowly the self hatred and whatever it feels like that youre not allowed to like anything and that anything you like is bad #starts to diminish #my qpp is obsessed with birds and chickens and has so many trinkets around the house for it #or my friend who loves how pretty stained glass looks that his walls are covered in thrifted stain glass pieces #i know an elderly couple who are obsessed with star trek and they have a room in the house purely for shelves stacked with collectables #my friend's dad is so obsessed with spiderman that he has 3 walls full of figurines and posters and collectables that prob amoutn to tons #like i dont get it but i get it #maybe its because im sick rn but im in my head tonight about human loving things and stories and cocepts to the point of comfort #sara shush #ramble

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enemywasp · 26 days

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I HATE tiktok and the Internet in general rn for the obsession with "oh this person's smellyyy" "Brother it STINKS over here" "BOO 💧🧼🧽🚿" and stuff like that. I wish I could put into words how demeaning and patronising that whole idea is and people implying anyone they don't like doesn't wash.

For one there's something grating about being insulted in a manner like we're in nursery again. But also WHY is that the go to insult. Why do you associate these things? Especially to those you deem "chronically online". Like I don't want to sound pathetic but it feels so nasty to me.

is it extreme to say this feels tied to ableism? And classism too?