#maybe the style will change later on but why is it so fucking flat and boring. I won’t be there to see that though because I don’t care
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Make sure Vivziepop never finds out about Sprunki because now I’m pretty sure that anything here on tumblr is next on her list. Hide your Clunkrs, hide your Wendas, hide your Orens
#sprunki#homestuck#vivziepop#sprunki wenda#wenda#also I’m not trying to be rude but I watched the Homestuck trailer and… eugh#I don’t know jack shit about Homestuck but I have seen a few of the really cool panels from it. Where is the experimental nature of it#maybe the style will change later on but why is it so fucking flat and boring. I won’t be there to see that though because I don’t care#anyways hide your silly fandoms from that lady or else she’ll make it into Hazbin Hotel 2
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SHADOWS

My ex-boyfriend James is sooooo fucking weak and pathetic. I hate and despise him with every part of my soul. He is everything that is wrong with men these days. Indecisive, overly sensitive, small and pathetic. What a fucking loser.
His twin brother Jason by comparison is a God. He is the man I now desire. Once I despised and hated Jason, but now he is everything I seek in a man. Tall, strong, rich, dominant... he makes me so fucking wet. My new boyfriend is a total Alpha. The longer I stay around him the more feminine I feel. I love what he does to me.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me explain how this all started...
Once I was the nerdiest girl at school. It seems insane to say it now, given how popular I am, but there was a time when I couldn't name six fashion designers or contour my makeup or suck off three boys at once in the cheerleaders locker room. I was a fucking loser.

Terrible skin, flat chested, nerdy glasses and goofy teeth. No. I was once plain little Melanie. I even had ginger hair. No wonder everyone bullied me. Popular rich bitch Madison didn't even exist. I was a fucking nobody.
My life consisted of science fairs, anime and role-playing games. Not the fun role playing games where you dress as a sexy school girl and get railed by a hot guy... no... the loser ones where you pretend to be an elf.
To my shame I was even into LARPIng. Live action role play. Each Friday night, me, James, Jason and our other buddies would go into the local woods to play.
We would run around the woods pretending to be on adventures. Fuckkkk it was so pathetic, I feel a major ick just thinking about it.
Jason wasn't the God he would later become at this point. He and James basically looked the same. I don't know why I had chosen James as my boyfriend. I guess he was slightly more confident and had asked me out first. He and Jason basically looked and acted the same though. Many people couldn't even tell them apart. Even me sometimes.
Then Jason found the shadow and everything changed.
As part of our role playing experience we sometimes brought props along and Jason had found this creepy looking glass bottle in a charity shop. It was opaque and stoppered with a wax cork. Perhaps it held a liquid of some kind? Sometimes it looked like there was something dark swirling inside, but it was kind of hard to tell.
We needed a prop to represent an evil demon that was trapped in a bottle so Jason had brought out the bottle.
As usual the group had split up. It was dark now and I was on my own. I had on my favourite druid costume (ughhh so fucking fugly) and I was creeping through the woods under the moonlight.
Suddenly I saw Jason through a gap in the trees. He was on his own too and carrying the bottle. I headed towards him, he hadn't seen me... in fact he wasn't really paying proper attention to his surroundings, which is maybe why he suddenly tripped over a tree root.
The bottle span from his hands and smashed against the ground with a musical tinkle.
I had a perfect view of everything. Jason was lit by the moonlight, his scrawny body shivering and his eyes wide with fear as a rolling mass of black shadows erupted from the smashed bottle and flowed towards him.
I wanted to scream but my voice had left me and I could only put my hands to my mouth like a parody of some dumb anime girl as the shadows flowed into Jason. Black smoke forced its way down his throat, into his nose. It wrapped and enveloped him, melting and merging into his body.
Then it was gone.
But the scene was not over.
Jason let out a cry, or maybe it was a moan. I watched in horrified fascination (and now I'm happy to admit a little bit or arousal) as I watched him change. Jason... my God... was being born.
Muscles rippled and swelled under his skin, causing his shirt to rip and his fantasy style breeches to bulge. He tore his top off to reveal a rippling six back and toned muscles as his skin flowed like wax and he changed and transformed. He grew taller and bigger, more handsome too as his face became more masculine and his hair cut more stylish.
Grunting and grinning Jason ripped off his pathetic role playing costume and stretched confidently. He was entirely naked now and I gasped in arousal as I saw his magnificent ass and his perfect cock. As I watched it was growing. Ten inches of thick white meat now hung between his huge thighs and I almost salivated as I beheld his perfect manly body.
Jason confidently stretched his body, clearly enjoying how it felt. He grinned perfect white teeth and his eyes, once mild and nerdy shone with ambition and dark desire. He clicked his fingers and there was a wisp of smoke as a stylish black shirt and designer jeans encased his new perfect body. He now looked like a male super model and he strode off through the woods chuckling, leaving me breathing heavily and wondering if I was losing my mind.
***
I ran through the woods. Back then I was ungainly and lacking athletic ability. Whereas now I hit the gym daily and can bend into nearly any position (especially when fucking) I was a fucking loser, so I made quite the noise as I crashed through the trees.
James and the others soon found me and I garbled what I'd seen, but they all thought I was still role playing.
"Babe, it's a cool story, but one detail that doesn't work. My stuck up bullying brother doesn't play with us. He thinks we're losers."
I gawped at James. I thought he was joking at first, but as we spoke it became clear he was serious. The shadow had changed Jason, but it also seemed to have changed everyone's memories of him.
I had no idea why I hadn't been affected. perhaps because I had witnessed his transformation directly or something.
James and the others couldn't understand why I was so upset and worried. The shadow had looked evil and I was worried my boyfriends brother was now under the control of something wicked. I decided I'd have to confront Jason directly and see if I could aid him, so I told the others I felt sick and left to go immediately to James and Jason's house.
James started after me, but I quickly lost him in the woods. I didn't want him to see what had happened to his brother. I was sure I could find a way to save Jason.
Haha, what a fucking idealistic moron I used to be.
***
I arrived at Jason's to find the house had changed. There was now a pickup parked at the front and the house was larger and clearly more expensive. Entering the house I found it was better decorated and I nearly had a heart attack as I entered the kitchen to find Jame's Mom and Dad.
Michael, the Dad was now a handsome looking business man wearing an expensive suit. Linda, James Mom had transformed from a homesy kind Mom into a haughty and beautiful MILF. She looked stunning!
Neither of them paid me much attention, they clearly recognised me as James girlfriend. The sneer and look of disgust Linda gave me left me cold. I can't blame her. Linda is now a major icon to me and we are the BEST of friends. She loves me like a daughter and I've learned so much about manipulating and using men from her. But back then I was a dork dating her loser son James.
But that was soon about to change.
I found Jason in a room I'd never seen before. A personal gym.
He was stripped to the waist, his muscles rippling as he pumped iron. He turned and grinned at me as I entered.
"Well well well. My brothers dork girlfriend? What the hell do you want Melanie?"
"I saw everything Jason. I saw that weird shadow enter you. We have to get it out of you. What have you done to your Mom and Dad? This isn't right."
Jason grinned. "Ahhhh. So you saw it? So you remember the old me? Haha you have no idea Melanie. No idea how good this feels. The shadow within me hungers for power and pleasure. It serves no other purpose but to give me what I want. It can change things, people too. Anything that falls under my shadow can be twisted to serve my whim. I am a fucking God now."
I watched nervously as black shadows seemed to spread around Jason as he spoke. The air rippled with potential and a cold numb feeling spread through my body and my soul. Jason grinned as the light seemed to be sucked out of the room and I was drowning in darkness.
"You could be so much more Melanie. You're such a fucking dork, just like my pathetic brother. I always wanted you to be MY girlfriend and now I have this power you can join me. I won't force you, I want you to join me willingly. A taste of this power and I think you'll want more."
I gasped falling to my knees as the shadows surrounded me. All the warmth and kindness and love inside me was suddenly numbed. It was like the shadow was feeding on my positive emotions... perhaps it was.
The dark shadows enveloped and wrapped my nerdy body. Tempting whispers invaded my mind and I felt Jason's presence beating down on me and willing me to give in. The shadow wanted to change and corrupt me, but it would only do so if I wanted it to. Jason hadn't lied.
I don't know if you've ever been offered something so fucking delicious and perfect that even if it came at the cost of your soul you'd jump at the chance... but when that moment finally arrives, it's pretty hard not to succumb.
I'd seen what the shadow had done to Jason. It had turned him into the perfect example of masculine perfection. It could probably do the same for me, but make me the ultimate girl. All I had to do was let it in and surrender to the darkness.
I'd seen girls in magazines, on TV, on teenage drama programs. I'd always wondered how it would feel to be a Queen Bee... a head cheerleader type. What must it be like to be so pretty you can get whatever you want? How would it feel to be a bitch?

"Yes... change me," I groaned. "But only a little... I just want to be a little prettier."
I gasped as my body suddenly ached and I felt the shadows begin to change me. I ripped my dorky glasses off and felt my brace snap as I spat out the metal to leave perfect white teeth. My red hair turned a sexy black and my pale spotty skin tanned as my body toned.
It felt so fucking good.
"Don't you want more Melanie? Don't you want to become a real fucking bitch? If it feels this good to go a little of the way, why not let the shadows take you all the way?"
Jason had a point. The more I transformed the more I wanted to transform. As I felt myself become more popular and beautiful, the further I found I wanted to go.
"Yessss mmmmore," I gasped feeling the shadows pour down my throat and into my body. I could feel Jason in my mind now, his fingers manipulating my pleasure receptors and his thoughts becoming my own.
"That's right Melanie. You don't want to be a dweeb anymore. You want to go all the way. You want to be a fucking bitch. Say it."
I shuddered as delicious throbs of pleasure pulsed through my body. "I... mmmmmh, ohhh yes, I want to be a bitch."
"That's right Melanie. Let's picture a girl. Let's call her Madison. She's everything you want to be isn't she? Thin, pretty, bratty and spoiled. She's the kind of girl that has a new outfit every day, that all the other girls bow down to. I want you imagine how hot she looks. Nice tits, a toned body, ultra-feminine body language. So different to the dork you are. Are you picturing her?"
I was picturing her. I was thinking of every mean bad girl and bitch I had ever know in real life or in the movies. I was picturing Madison and boy was she fucking hot.
"Now say it. Say you want to be Madison. You want to be the bullying popular Alpha girl."
My pussy was wet, my already partially transformed body felt so good. I needed more... I needed the shadows to corrupt me completely.
"Yessss I want to be Madison."
I screamed and orgasmed as I said it, feeling the shadows flowing into me and destroying Melanie forever. All the kind gentle nice parts of me were consumed and the shadows pumped me full of evil, mean bratty thoughts.
Melanie died in that instant and I... Madison... took control.

Long bitchy nails shot out from my fingers. My face became meaner and even prettier, soft pouty lips curving into a bratty grin. My clothing became designer, my handbag expensive and my personality became that of a spoiled rich bitch.
Reality rippled and changed. Only Jason and I would remember the old me. It was as if Melanie had never existed and only I had been born.
The shadows withdrew, but they left their mark. I was a fucking evil bitch now, devoid of mercy. I only cared about myself... oh and Jason of course.
"How do you feel baby?" he grinned, towering over me in his Adonis body.
"I feel amazing baby," I grinned. "In fact I want to thank you for being the best boyfriend ever."
I giggled and sank eagerly to my knees. My long nails looked so hawt as I unzipped Jason's fly and his huge ten inch dick flopped out.
Moaning I began to pump and suck his cock. This was who and what I worshipped now. Jason had taken me from that loser James.
"Yesssss, good girl," grunted Jason as he put his hands gently on my head and pushed me deeper onto his cock. "You're my slutty bitch now and I have everything I ever wanted."
I just gagged and gargled happily, I fucking loved my man's big cock.
I couldn't wait for him to cum. I needed to taste it...
***
And so that is how I ascended from being a fucking pathetic loser into a Goddess myself. Jason is the Master of the Shadow and so long as he holds that power I am his willing accomplice.
Soon after the transformation James came home. He no longer remembered I had ever been his girl, but that didn't stop me and Jason fucking loudly next door and laughing about the little simp jerking off in his room next door.
I felt so evil and perfect. Being Madison was like a perpetual state of orgasm. The meaner and nastier I was, the better it all felt.
Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if James had smashed that bottle instead of Jason? Perhaps he would be the Alpha stud with the delicious bitchy girlfriend.
But it was just idle speculation. The shadows answered to Jason...
And I answered only to the shadows now.

THE END
#evie hyde#bitchification#f2f transformation#corruption#evil bitch#m2m transformation#shadows#betrayal#mean#bratty
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THE SILENCE ALEXANDER DESIGN JOURNEY
lets see if it beats my ass for putting this many images under a readmore
May 2019: fucking around. Barely cursory historical design research for the ghost look. Hair down for fire reasons. She's also as tall as Vlad (shocking). You can't see here, but for a while her eyes are green and her hair is blond instead of grey. Human disguise still has a black turtleneck, but thats a labcoat rather than a blazer. Glasses were a staple though.

August 2019: Major overhaul. New face shape. You can also see that Silence used to have black flames. When I eventually change the Flame color later, it's because I felt it got too difficult to read her powers against her dress. Silence's bun is still in a pretty modern-looking style, though. Silence is still as tall as Vlad.

Later 2019 / early 2020: Still green, still a very simplistic dress, but what would become the final hairstyle emerges! I did a ton of research for that, actually. Lot's of diagrams and videos about 1870-1890 British women's hairstyles that I stared at. You can see here that she's still blond & green-eyed.

March 2020: I become breifly misinformed and give her a more Edwardian, partially let-down hairstyle for a while. This would not have come into fashion until AFTER she died. I finally do some dress research, and decide I like the Victorian dresses which mimicked men's waistcoats. You can barely tell though, because it's still so simplified. Silence's fire is a greenish-black, my attempt to keep it dark while still contrasting her black outfit a bit. Didn't work well enough, imo.

August 2020: THE FINAL HEAD AND NOSE SHAPE APPEARS!!!! I can't quite remember why I changed it...just felt more in line with the show's style, I think? And maybe suited her hair better. Anyways Silence finally becomes a greying former brunette!!!! I start backpedaling the Edwardianness of the hair. I'm still trying to make the black fire work but rapidly realizing it doesn't make sense with the green fire glow effects I want on her face when she's angry. The Amulet has been around for a bit at this point, you can see it in the bottom left, which also features the grid pattern blazer on the human disguise. I think this is around the time I also decided to make her short.
January 2021: NO MORE GREEN!!!!! Yellow eyes / power makes her stick out more among other ghosts, not just to be original but also to indicate that she's pretty weird. Otherwise monochrome so she looks like she's right out of a book! The more detailed waistcoat/jacket-style dress top is beginning to take shape, AND I finally caved to the BUSTLE!!! Because every source I read kept emphasizing how important it was in fashion around Silence's time.
May 2021: trying to finalize my choices. I also test out some eyelashes that I don't end up keeping. The bustle and "jacket" on her dress become shorter. I also try to make her human disguise jacket one flat color for a while. She's been short for a while now but you can still tell that I spent a long time drawing her tall

September 2021: Baaaasically the final design. Except the human disguise color scheme is altogether very light colored.
current: Hilariously, I returned the grid pattern to the human jacket because I rewatched Hannibal. It's based on my favorite suit Hannibal wears in the whole show. And it adds just the right amount of visual interest lol
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heyy genie, how r u doing??? i hope ur okay
can i ask u on how u do dialogue?? bc mine really sucks and whenever i look at yours im like wow. how can i do that??? bc wat tje characters say end up blowing my mind a little.
i also hope u don't mind that i go over ur writing and see what u do (obv not stealing the words) so i can adapt it into my own style 💓
all good with me nonnie, and i appreciate you for letting me know. i don't mind if you analyse anything i've written, it's lovely to know that my writing has the ability to inspire someone else's creativity :)
haha thank u sm. if i'm being honest dialogue drives my work so it's usually the first thing i put down in any new google doc and then the rest of the story i'm trying to tell sort of grows from that point.
regardless, here are some things to consider.
where is the dialogue coming from?
do you have any accents you like? changing words in small ways like turning darling to darlin' can build on characterisation and introduce variety into the dialogue.
is your character of a certain culture? introducing petnames or phrases from foreign languages adds flavour to dialogue. this one is risky and requires a little research, because doing it wrong may make readers cringe. but hey, high risk high reward ;)
even if you use 'normal' english, take a look at distinctive slang. there's a difference between calling it a flat or an apartment; a bird or a chick. using one or the other puts some pizazz into your writing, because it actually sounds like the speech is coming from your characters, and not just from you.
2. who is the dialogue coming from?
a character that's nineteen is going to speak really differently than a character who's forty-two. consider the simple sentence, "you're mine" and then the different ways that idea can be conveyed without making both of these vastly different characters say the same thing (which can potentially read as unrealistic, but not always. some 42 year olds are immature. some 19 year olds speak like poets. use at your own discretion) but here's an example;
19 -> "get that through your fuckin' head, babe. you belong to me." comes off as possessive, entitled, crude. then you can solidify your characterisation through their dialogue and make conversation flow by adjusting your darling's personality/speech in response to that. see the end of this post for interesting dynamics!
42 -> "you poor thing, nobody else would accept you as i have." comes off as benevolent, and somewhat infantilising. no 20-something year old is talking like that LOL
3. why is there a need for dialogue?
this one is straightforward, but can be difficult to actually implement. not all dialogue needs to serve some grand purpose in the machination of your narrative, i know that i'm guilty of indulging in a good one-liner, but it helps if you know why they're talking. what are you trying to tell me or show me that can't be depicted through their actions?
example; character A wants character B to be scared of them -> "my, aren't you a clever thing. did you figure all of that out yourself, hm? i'd almost be impressed if i weren't so fucking angry, love."
comes off as patronising, interrogative, makes me think B is on thin ice.
character C wants character D to not be scared of them -> "well, i always knew you were smart, so i suppose i can only blame myself. um, maybe just don't let it happen again. please?"
comes off as pleading, apologetic, makes me believe D has the upper hand. (but the fun part about writing is you can always flip the script later on—gap moe/contrast between actions and words. did C really aim to just forgive D or merely wanted to manipulate them into bringing their guard down?)
even if both A and C say the same thing (such as "i love you") the dialogue, seemingly simple, can open up some interesting exchanges and conversations depending on the situation and context its said in. dialogue works in tandem with action.
A; "i love you," he murmurs. you watch the expert way in which he wields the butcher's knife; cuts the beef down into smaller strips with deft, practiced hands. "yeah," you smile. "i know you do."
C; "i love you," he murmurs. you look down at him, on his knees. his arms cling onto you with fervent desperation, and when you reach for his face; you find him shivering. "yeah," you smile. "i know."
4. dialogue dynamics
since you're asking me for advice and i am a yandere oc blog, i'm going to give you some relationship dynamics to test out with darlings that can serve as a sort of structure for any dialogue you might wanna write in the future. it's easier to know what a character would say in a conversation or scene if there's a dynamic already present that may dictate how they act.
pleading/apprehensive. desperate for affection/selfish bastard. pathetic/apathetic. control freak/couldn't care less. bossy/outwardly timid, inwardly very opiniated. dominant/bratty. powerful/pissed off at the extent of said power. lazy genius/try-hard failure. ambitious/exhausted.
it's also interesting to turn the tables and subvert traditional archetypes. manipulate your readers. have dialogue mean nothing. characters say one thing but mean something else.
above everything else, treat it like a real conversation. if something sounds rigid and forced, scrap it; never force dialogue. (unless that's the sort of awkward vibe ur going for) always try to write from your character's povs' rather than as the author.
and don't forget to have the time of your fucking life. writing should be fun. make your characters say shit you wanna say. make them say shit you wish someone would say to you. make them say shit you never want anyone to tell you in your life. make characters respond in ways you would never dare to irl. make them respond rudely, nicely, strangely, or not at all.
HAVE FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and good luck <3
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I've had some time to go over my initial thoughts about the switch 2 and I wanna discuss them.

I do like the bigger joy cons but I'm not sure how to feel about an all black look with coloured highlights on the connectors and control sticks. It reminds me of those RGB lights that some pc gaming handhelds have and I always found them kinda tacky. Also why is the red now orange? I don't like it, make it a nice hot red instead. It's common knowledge that red on black is one of the most pretty colour combos of all time. I hope the other colours that eventually come out do change the entire controller and not just change the highlights.
I am worried about the sticks due to well, you know, and i am praying to the gods that the joy cons have actually good control sticks that don't break down easily. How the hell does my Wii Nunchuck from 2007 have no stick drift, yet controllers made 10 years later break down so easily?
I love the chunkier look of the Switch 2 because I always thought that the Switch was a bit too flat and it didn't have enough grip to it. An 8 inch display sounds lovely even if it's gonna be an LCD panel.
Although there are these annoying bezels UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY NINTENDO WHY!?!? YOU GOT A FAT ASS PANEL! USE ALL OF IT DUMMY!!!
Now about that backwards compatibility... I got a few questions.
1. Will the system transfer process be easy and will it transfer EVERYTHING?! I'm talking saves, miis, photos, games, etc. Everything. It better be easy and stress free as possible, i wanna be able to put my Switch 1 to rest and not have to pick it up ever again.
2. Will we be able to use Switch 1 joy cons with backwards compatible titles and have all of their features intact? There are some experiences like Ring Fit Adventure and Labo that will be unplayable on Switch 2 unless you can use Switch 1 joy cons. Nintendo, i swear to god, if you lock us out of those titles and not give us the option to play them i will be very VERY mad.
I am very relieved that backwards compatibility is a highlight of the console and that Nintendo is actually not gonna abandon their old hardware like they've done time and time again. They can be very stubborn and stuck in their ways, it's actually really frustrating that it took them until the Switch to realise that MAYBE HAVING A PROPER ACCOUNT SYSTEM THAT CARRIES OVER TO OTHER DEVICES INCLUDING PURCHASES IS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEXT! Let's talk about the elephant in the room, new Mario Kart.
Firstly, oh my god the models are so lovely omg I'm so happy they changed up their looks.
Bowser and DK looking extra silly, we love to see it.
The animation and details look really good too. They got that nice squash and stretch.
I will say, i don't know if it's because of youtube's shit compression or how the gameplay is shown, but the graphics don't seem to have had a noticeable leap in quality, the game looks like it could run on the Switch 1 with ease. It seems like they are going for a different art style and i respect that. Then again i cannot make any major judgements on the footage shown because it only lasted for 10 seconds.
What really interests me about this new Mario Kart is that there isn't going to be just 12 racers, but potentially 24!!!!!!
If you're gonna evolve Mario Kart then this is not a bad way to do it, it's gonna increase the chaos and expand the track design. And it looks like the tracks may be actually expansive and larger in scope but we'll have to wait and see.
24 racers means that the character roaster has to be pretty damn big in order to reduce repetitiveness. However, i don't wanna see another Mario Kart 8 situation where a lot of the roaster could have easily been alt costumes, so i wanna see some changes...
MAKE THESE GUYS SKINS FOR BOWSER JR! I DONT CARE IF THEY HAVE DIFFERENT WEIGHTS! THESE FREAKS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP NEARLY A FULL ROW!!!
Make them costumes that don't fill up character slots... please... Nintendo don't be fucking stupid for once in your existence.
Leave these babies behind in Baby Park.
Don't get rid of her... Please. She's my goat, my MVP, my smingus chungus, my bingus smungus, don't get rid of one of the best non Mario characters from the series.
Add these creatures as optional costumes too.
Speaking of these fellas... Since i talk about Splatoon a lot, i can't help but bring up the fact that now we have a new console on the horizon and due to Splatoon's massive popularity, i wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo shadow drops a Splatoon 4 announcement this year or the next. Splatoon 2 did get shown during the Switch's reveal and released in the launch year so maybe by the end of the year, we could have something on our hands...
Then again, certain elements of Splatoon 2 such as the hero mode THAT I DESPISE WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL!!!!!.... and content did suffer due to Splatoon 2 being rushed. So maybe don't announce Splatoon 4 this year, please? We can wait, we'll be patient.
In terms of a first party launch lineup i wanna make some predictions and copium picks.
New 3D Mario game
Metroid representation, either a cross gen release of Prime 4 and or a bundle of Prime 2 and 3.
F-Zero representation, a new game FINALLY after the positive feedback from 99, or a GX re-release.
A Wii Sports/ 1 2 Switch like casual game
A new IP
A new Kirby, either 2D or a follow up to Forgotten Land
Something Fire Emblem related
The last thing i wanna talk about is the third party support, I'm not gonna say much but i guarantee a lot of third party companies are gonna be HUNGRY to port their PS5 and Xbox series games to a much more powerful handheld, so I'm gonna list off some games that i would absolutely love to see on the Switch 2.
If Nintendo wants to repeat the magic of seeing Skyrim on a portable tablet then i think one game in particular would fulfill that same shock or even surpass it.
And that game is....
If they can do it, if they can somehow find a way to make it run on Switch 2 and show gameplay of this thing... oh my god, it'll make peoples jaws drop. It's launching on the damn Xbox Series S, I'm sure with some programming magic it COULD run on Switch 2.
#nintendo#nintendo switch#switch 2#long post#game discussion#splatoon#splatoon 4#mario kart#donkey kong#rockstar games#grand theft auto#gta 5#gta 6#like a dragon#yakuza
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Enough time has passed and everyone's wrote their thought pieces about it so I'm gonna chip in with a little bit of my own.
NMH3 is kind of ass in spite of its limitations, not because of them. The priorities are all over the place.
The gameplay loop becomes incredibly repetitive very quickly. I've seen people try to play word games about the semantics of a hallway of enemies across multiple screens being the exact same as a gauntlet in one room, but at least the fucking environment changes instead of being the exact maybe 8 rooms over the course of 100 possible battles.
There's little in the realm of unlocks. You can play the game start to finish without even touching the chip crafting system or the stats tree. No new moves, death glove chips or weapons. All you really need is to raise your attack to deal with the same enemies with just a larger health pool later in the game. Your kit doesn't change from start to finish.
The open world does fucking nothing for me. You could have made one map with less to explore but more to interact with, instead of five barren and flat maps with nothing to do. I know why this is, but I'll get to that in a bit.
The narrative is significantly weaker than TSA which is a huge shame. I'm imagining that they didn't want the characters to be so wordy in fully voice acted cutscenes like they were in TSA, but I would have loved to see more of the IBM style cutscenes if it meant getting to know more about the characters. Everyone just feels so underwritten so you have to fill in the blanks with your own preconceived notions and the stereotypes they're supposed to convey, something people give NMH2 shit for doing with its characters.
Fu and Damon are NOT compelling characters, one's a brat and the other one is a boring evil CEO archetype. They have zero depth, and for the time that they do give them on screen, all they do is bitch about Travis or everyone around them. Travis doesn't seem even interested in either of them beyond killing them for being annoying. Badman was just fridged to establish Fu as a threat, as if fucking killing every single civilian wasn't enough.
The stuff with Henry could have been interesting if the story had given it any kind of significance or time to breathe. I'm with Travis on that one, I really don't fucking care anymore. There's a giant space alien ship up there dude, that seems a little more important right now than our sad crybaby backstory that will go nowhere because NMH4 is never getting made.
And lastly, I think this game is the most suffocated by all the pop culture references. The premise of the game is a reference, the intro of the game is a reference, many of the bosses, side missions and characters are references, the final boss is a reference. All of this is cool in small bits, but it makes me feel like NMH3 has no real identity of it's own. Which leads me to this conclusion:
Suda should really have doubled down and made something weird and different again. Instead we got a game that is flanderizing No More Heroes itself. People like the open world of 1, boom, open world. People hated the combat of TSA, here's 100 fights. Look, it's the mowing grass minigame. Look, it's Destroyman. Look, it's Henry. Look it's a Marvel reference. Look, it's a Miike reference.
It just feels like the weakest of all the games to me. It tries to do a lot, and what it does is not very good. I don't hate it, I've beaten it a couple of times. I just feel like it wasted a lot of it's potential appealing to the loud majority instead of just being a smaller but better experience, but that's just me.
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Made a codz self-insert oc thingy for the purpose of my yumeshipping with Nikolai, yap below (some info is a wip)
Sirius Thomson (might change. Last name is fake, btw):
Nicknamed Siri. Gets called Cyrus by Misty, as I imagine she would pronounce it differently because of her country accent
Yes he is apart of the Victis crew. I'll explain later
15 during 2025. 25 during 2035 (or when the Victis crew actually got to work)
He/shy (pronounced she) transmasc boygirl achillean
Autistic
Somehow cheerful and joyous in the fucking apocalypse (literally everyone he knows is dead)
Sometimes, copes with humor in very serious situations, in which the crew gets pissed at him
Shy likes Stuhlinger (they're both weirdos), respects Russman, idolizes Misty for her absolute awesomeness, and thinks Marlton is kinda annoying but respects his intelligence, and also relates to him in some ways (germaphobic four-eyes twins eww /j)
Very caring of his crew, possibly because they're the only thing he has left now in this world (and it's worse because he lost it when he was only a child)
Okay, now hear me out:
As we know, Stuhlinger hears Richtofen in his head, and he's also the announcer in bo2 so. During that whole thing, he 100% talked about (Ultimis) Nikolai, and to Stu as well, which Stuhlinger would share to the crew (more specifically to Siri)
And this gay ass mf would grow obsessed with the idea of this soviet man, don't ask questions. Maybe it's Richtofen's absolute glazing, but he gains a giant crush
It's very parasocial, honestly
Later, during Tag Der Toten, Primis Nik would be brought into the mix (I know he assists the Victis crew, but I'm not sure how, cuz I never played the map- But I'll assume his interactions with them was through Richtofen, again), and Siri obsesses over him even more
(Though, he probably doesn't even know that there are 2 versions of him, and assumes they are the same person)
Then ofc the Victis crew gets banished to the dark aether in the end, and the two will never meet
It's doomed yaoi and unrequited love
I think if they were to ever meet, that Nik (either version, but this is specifically about Primis) may love him, but know that it wouldn't work, and that they would never truly have a happy ending because of what the Kronorium would reveal to him
And also maybe because this man is from 2035 and he's from 1918 but whatever
(Note that I do NOT ship 15 year old Siri/me with Nik. It only applies to the 25 year old ver)
BurntBacon = Primis Nik and Siri's shipname, and BurningVodka = Ultimis Nik and Siri's shipname (Sirius means burning, so that's where I got it from)
Which is honestly quite reflective of them in general, both suggests negative things, I think-
Design + a bit more extra info:

His eye sight is really fucking bad, but like mainly because he's wearing his prescription from when he was 15, and hasn't been able to update them (obviously)
He has freckles, you just can't see them
He's fairly flat, but still has boobs (he had a binder prior to the apocalypse but lost it)
He went out in style, at least tho lololo- (like literally, why is he serving zombie apocalypse realness, my god)
Okay, my sleepy ass is out now, but uh yeah-
#cod zombies#victis crew#yumeship sona#yumeship stuff#nikolai belinski is my f/o#tehe#honestly making a victis crew self-insert was sk much easier so that's why I choose this-#I don’t want to have to do a bunch of research on the 1910s and 40s just for a yumeship#plus. if ultimis is stereotypical. I'm an american. i would just be Dempsey again but in a more gay and autistic font#it just wouldn’t work#so ye :3
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Retro tutorial?
Disclaimer: Tumblr, for some reason, likes to dullen the colour of the screenshots, just know that they're actually a bit more saturated and brighter than how they appear here.
So, after posting my recent retro drawings on Reddit, and getting some comments that genuinely made me cry (/pos), I noticed I also got quite a few comments asking me how I actually do these drawings.
Er, I'm not the best teacher, really, and honestly, there's probably an easier, faster way to do it. But, this is my way of doing it, lmao. I work on a Gen 2 iPad Pro with a Gen 1 Apple Pencil, just in case you're wondering.
Firstly, here are the four apps I use for this kind of drawing:
From left to right: Sketchbook Pro, Pixlr, Photoleap and CapCut. Sketchbook Pro is what I use to draw everything. You could honestly use any drawing app though. We will talk about the other three when we get to them.
Step 1: draw whatever it is you want to draw.
I'm going to use the first drawing I did in this style to help me explain: my simpy Spamton drawing! Firstly, basically draw whatever your little heart wants. Get your sketch layer down. Here's what my sketch layer looked like:
Looks bad, no? Lol, it always starts that way. Just get your drawing down first. I rely heavy on references for clothing. I found this particular pose on Pinterest. Pinterest is great for finding references.
Notice that I have some spaces filled in with the word 'black'. This is literally just to remind me that the particular space will just be filled with a solid black.
This particular pose and setting is tricky, I'm just using it as an example and because I still have the original files for it. I recommend maybe starting with a portrait or a face first.
Step 2: fill in and clean your lines. This is important, especially for the anime look.
When I do linework, I tend to make the lines thicker wherever they meet one another. For this style, it doesn't really work, and I had to train myself to stop doing that.
As you can see, I made some changes along the way, such as making Spamton's expression softer and making him grin instead of smirking. How do I know when to make something solid black? This is mostly for clothes. If you are following a reference, and you notice that some of the shadows are darker than others on the reference, make those darkest shadows your solid-blacks.
So, here we have the finished lines! Remember: no making the lines thicker where they meet! Keep the lines thin all around. If you're wondering what brush I use in Sketchbook for the finished lines, it's this one:

This is the ONLY brush I use for the retro drawings, besides a pencil for the sketch layer. It provides a nice, solid, thin line.
Step 3: Filling Flat Colours.
The easiest step IMO. Choose your colours, fill those babies in.
Unfortunately, I think I deleted my flats layer (I have no idea why, but I cannot find it, lmao), so I don't have an image to show for this step. But, it's self-explanatory. Just colour it in with your flats.
You can choose saturated colours if you wish, but we'll be editing that sort of stuff later.
Step 4: Shading.
Ooh, the tricky stuff. But this is what will make or break the look of the drawing. Besides lines, shading is important as fuck for this style. I recommend pulling up some screenshots from actual 80s/90s anime. For this Spamton drawing, here's some of the ones I used as a reference:

Remember to make your shading on separate layers! You may want to change their tone and opacity later, as I did.
The shading in old anime is usually done with one colour, which is cooler-toned than the flat it is based off. Remember to keep the shading as simple as you can if you want to actually make it look like a screenshot from an anime or cartoon.
For shadows, I used the multiply tool or the overlay tool. You can mess around with these to see which one suits your drawing best. It mostly depends on the colour.
For 'lights', I used either the soft glow tool or the overlay tool. However, I don't recommend spending too much time 'lighting' your colours. Retro anime tends to focus more on shadows rather than lighting (obviously there are exceptions).
As you can see, the only 'lighting' I used on Spamton was a small section of his hair, and a shine on his suit. The rest is either shadows or flats:
For clothing, follow a reference or follow where your light is coming from. For this, I followed the reference.
Step 5 (Optional): Adding Gradients.
You don't need to do this, but to help with the 'mood' of the drawing, I added a gradient over the top of the layer. I chose a dark purple/blue to give that city vibe, then I used the darken tool and turned the opacity down. So, it looks like this:
The difference isn't much, but it will add a lot to the vibe!
Step 6 (Optional): Backgrounds. *Shudders.*
I'll be real, I can't do backgrounds for shit. Well, I can sort of do them, but I definitely don't enjoy it. If you can do your own backgrounds, this will probably come easier. I have a sneaky, maybe cheaty method, however, to make it look good.
Firstly, make sure any 'windows' or areas in your drawing that you want to add a background to are empty. The windows in Spamton's car here are transparent. You'll want to put your background layer at the very bottom, behind everything else.
Firstly, I choose a solid colour and fill the entire layer. I chose a navy/purple for this one, since it's always dark in Cyber City.
Then, and here's the cheat part, I find a stock image of a city skyline. I deliberately picked one that had sort of 'basic' buildings. Put this on top of your solid colour and use the hard light tool.
The hard light tool tends to focus on the lights and basic outline of the image. I did do some smudging and added some lights to give it that 'retro' feel. The lower quality it looks, the better. So then it looks like this:
But the car needs windows! Easy. I chose a blue colour with the soft glow tool and added them like so (on top of all the background layers):
Step 7: Editing in Pixlr.
Now, this is my favourite part: the editing to really make the image pop! Firstly, we are going to use Pixlr, so save your image and open it up in Pixlr.
So, in Pixlr I only do two things: choose some overlay editors and up the saturation. Firstly, the overlay editors. The ones I choose for the retro look are:
Antonio - this blurs the lines somewhat, and makes it overall darker/softer. I obviously do not use it to its full capacity (there's a slider you can mess around with under each tool to find your desired effect, though I recommend using Antonio only a little.)
Hagrid - this will make it look slightly more saturated and sharper. It also adds a sort of 'burn' effect on each outline of the colours. Again, I use this one only slightly.
Ivan - One of my favourites for Big Shot Spamton. Again, I only use it slightly. This one will add an orange effect and 'fix' some of your shading. Though, it only works to its full potential if you have your shading as best as it can be.
Sara - Another really good one for retro anime. It's sort of like Hagrid, but softer. Depending on your colours, it will also add a soft 'glow' effect. Because of this, I only use it a little, as older anime does not have the intense glow you see in more recent anime, in general.

There are lots of other options. You can play around to see which one will suit the vibe you're going for best!
Then, we go into the general menu and up the saturation if needed!
Step 8: Editing in Photoleap - then back to Sketchbook!
Why the fuck do you use two editors? Simple - Photoleap has some cool options that Pixlr does not, and vice versa. We won't be spending as much time in Photoleap compared to Pixlr.
Now, Photoleap does NOT allow screenshots within the app, so I just have to explain it without any images.
In Photoleap, we're only going to be doing two things, and one of those things are optional. Firstly, using the grain tool. This will really add to that 'old' look. Don't go too hard on it!
The optional thing you can do is add a red chromatic abberation. It's under the 'effects' tab in Photoleap. However, sometimes this will take away from the retro look, so use it carefully. I only used the tiniest amount for this drawing to make the lines look 'cleaner'.
Once I'm done in Photoleap, I save the image and export it back into Sketchbook. This is where I'll add/fix some things, such as adding a shine in Spamton's eyes, a shine on the car window and the smoke coming from his cigarette. I also bring the gradient layer back up and mess with the colour a bit (optional).
Have you noticed the large, black border to the right of the drawing? Yeah, that'll be cropped. I decided to make the overall image smaller and, unfortunately, Sketchbook Pro does not allow you to change the canvas size once you've started a drawing (please add this option, Autodesk!)
Step 9: CapCut Editing.
This will seriously be the cherry-on-top to actually make this thing look like a screenshot. Save your image and open it up in CapCut.
Firstly, you'll want to add an 'effect' to the photo. Under 'retro', I personally choose 'frosted quality', because it adds a moving grain and gives an 'old cartoon' feel, which is what I'm after. There are lots you can choose from, it's up to you to play around with it! You can also adjust the effect as you wish. I tend to turn the blur completely off.
Then, the last step in CapCut: adding a caption, if you want. I make the text yellow and add an italic effect to make it seem like an actual subtitle.
Step 10 (Final): Exporting.
That's us basically finished! I'll export it as a video from CapCut, crop it using my iPad's default editing software in the gallery, then export it as a GIF. Exporting it as a GIF lowers the quality a tad further, which is a bonus for this type of drawing. Viola! You now have a retro-anime-inspired piece!
Final Notes
Again, I'm not a good teacher and this is kind of all over the place, lmao. But, I hope it can guide those who wish to try this style!
If you do try it, maybe tag me and let me see if my tutorial worked for you? Or maybe you were just curious, lmao. There's a LOT of steps here, lol, and I'm not a professional artist by any means, so...
Anyway, that's all from me for now!
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I finally figured out why it feels like Supernatural murdered a unicorn (AKA why you need to STOP telling me to watch Black Sails)
I’ll start by saying, everything everyone else has been saying CERTAINLY bothers me:
- the queer-baiting - the bury your queers - the undermining of Dean’s character arc - the wasted opportunity for a certain kind of overall narrative closure - the flat out disrespect to Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles
All of that bothers me tremendously.
But there has been something else rather ineffable about this that has left a horrible taste in my mouth that I couldn’t quite pin down until last night. Bear with me, if you will, because this will require some set-up.
*** This is not the first show to ever disappoint me in a spectacular fashion, nor will it be the last, I suspect. And one of the ways I’ve always coped with that disappointment was to remind myself that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right. (”It” being any number of things from just pure narrative emotional coherence to not burying your queers to not stringing along your queer audience and then yelling fuck you to them on the way out)
But somehow that assurance -- that there will be other stories, other characters, other chances to get it right -- has rung particularly hollow in this instance, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until yesterday.
I kept asking myself, why do I still have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach, like something was lost here that can never be recovered?
Because something was lost here that I am doubtful can ever be recovered, and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone else talking about this aspect of it at all.
***
A few months ago, TV critic Maureen Ryan did a great interview piece with Mike Schur (of Parks & Rec/The Good Place) discussing the death of long-form TV in the streaming era. They explore how the longer seasons and longer runs of traditional broadcast/cable TV provided an opportunity to tell particular kinds of stories that you simply can’t when seasons are 8-10 episodes and series typically run 2-4 seasons (thanks Netflix).
One key thing we’ve all lost in this new era of highly condensed TV storytelling (and of prestige TV narrative styles)? The traditional (several season’s long) slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance. Not only is there simply no longer the time or space to write such romances, it has also come to be seen as hacky, manipulative, cheap, artistically impoverished, low-brow, a embarrassing vestige of the era before TV became art™.
Everybody is trying to be Fleabag now. No one wants to be Frasier. (”It’s really more like a 10 hour movie” they all like to brag)
Obviously TV still has romances, even ‘drawn out’ romances. But ‘drawn out’ in 2020 is like 2-3 seasons, maybe. More commonly it’s like half a season. Take Schitt’s Creek. The number of episodes between when David and Patrick first meet and when they first kiss? Seven. Seven episodes. Half a season. If you watched it live, it took less than 2 months for them to move from introducing that dynamic to consummating it. And I’m not bagging on Schitt’s Creek; I think the David/Patrick’s story is very lovely and well-written.
But Niles & Daphne (Fraiser) had to wait 7 years and over 150 episodes before they finally got there. Josh & Donna (The West Wing) had to wait 6+ years, and 145 episodes. Mulder & Scully (The X-Files) had to wait 7 seasons and 143 episodes. Booth & Bones had to wait...you see where I am going with this.
And my point is (and I can’t believe I never realized this explicitly until now): there has NEVER been a queer slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance of that type on TV ever. EVER.
I’m going to say that again, because I think it bares repeating:
There has never been a queer, slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance that fits the 100-150 episode paradigm of delayed gratification on TV.
Not ever.
I can’t think of ONE example Not a single, solitary one. And I know queer TV pretty well. Arguably the closest we’ve ever come is Legend of Korra, and that ran 50 episodes, a THIRD of the length of old school will-they-won’t-theys like Booth & Bones or Josh & Donna.
Queer people have had a fair number of canonical romances on TV by now, even fairly long running ones. But we never got a primary/front-and-center romance that you had to root for for 100+ episodes before you got any kind of canonical consummation.
That is a particular kind of TV experience that queer people and queer characters were just 100% shut out of until it was too late. And because of how the TV landscape has changed in the last 10 years, I don’t know that that opportunity will ever come back around in our lifetimes.
***
Dean and Castiel are/were a legacy of an earlier era of TV, an era that still contained the possibility for a will-they-won’t-they of that particular mold. There were other shows that could have also filled this gap at one time - Rizzoli & Isles, OUAT, House MD, etc. But one by one all of them were killed off, their queer romances unrequited, until Supernatural was the only one of its’ generation left standing.
And they should have acknowledged that they were a species about to become extinct.
There are plenty of other valid and compelling reasons Supernatural should have gone full Destiel, don’t get me wrong.
A) It would have been the most emotionally satisfying ending to the series and to those characters (and that would have been reason enough).
B) It would have stopped the manipulative queer-baiting of the (disproportionately queer) fanbase (and that would have been reason enough).
C) It would have been queer representation of middle-aged men, of bi men, of queers who came to their queerness later in life (and any/all of those would have been reason enough).
D) It could have been a glorious subversion of the bury your queers trope, considering how often they’ve died and been resurrected (and that would have been reason enough).
But point E) on this list is the reason this one hurts in a singular way that no one even appears to be acknowledging.
Almost all of the other wrongs and missed opportunities contained in this Supernatural debacle have the possibility of being rectified (at least to a degree) elsewhere. I can and I likely will get more bi male characters from TV as time goes on. I can and likely will get more middle-aged queer characters. I can and likely will get more queer characters coming to their queerness later in life, and starting queer romances later in life. I can and likely will get more queer characters who aren’t killed cheaply and prematurely. I can and likely will get more genre TV shows with sprawling myth arc plots that are resolved in a coherent, satisfying way. I can and likely will get Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles involved in other projects that value their work and their talents.
All of those other things are at the very least POSSIBLE, and many are even likely.
But a queer 100-150 episode slow-burn romance a la Mulder & Scully or Niles & Daphne or Booth & Bones? That is the one baton Supernatural dropped spectacularly that no one else even has the possibility of picking up again for the foreseeable future. (They don’t even write those types of romances for heterosexuals anymore!)
Seriously. It was a TV unicorn. And rather than letting it run wild and free, they stabbed it with a rusty nail.
***
Given the monumental shifts in the TV landscape that have occurred in the last decade, I don’t know that TV will ever go back to the slow-burn/will-they-won’t-they romance spanning 100-150 episodes. Today it is a miracle if you can get ANY show to last longer than 50 episodes in the first place.
And that is the piece of this that makes it feel (to me) like they murdered a unicorn.
Because queer people have gotten a lot of things from TV, and they will get a lot more as time goes on. But that one? That one could very well be a totally extinct species.
That is the larger missed opportunity here that has left this feeling especially hollow and destructive. That is the thing that makes me balk when people tell me to go watch Black Sails or Pose or whatever other prestige TV show is doing this representation ‘better.’ Because that’s not really the loss I am mourning here. I KNOW there is ‘better’ representation elsewhere.
But the will-they-won’t-they/slow-burn romance is a qualitatively unique thing that queer people literally just never got. Ever. There is no substitute, no alternate, no other show I can turn to with that kind of build-up and pay-off for a queer couple, and there probably won’t be in my lifetime. Not unless the TV industry undergoes another monumental evolution similar to the streaming revolution that shifts the incentives back to telling those types of stories again.
All those shows you want me to displace Supernatural with? None of them can give me the one thing I uniquely wanted (and could have gotten) from Supernatural. THAT ALTERNATE SHOW DOESN’T EXIST. It doesn’t exist. And I have no reason to hope it will ever exist in my lifetime.
So stop telling me to look somewhere else; you don’t understand what made this one a unicorn.
***
Addendum: The only other possible show that could perhaps fill this gap is It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (re: Mac/Dennis). But I’m hesitant to say it exactly meets that criteria, for a number of reasons:
1 - It’s far less serialized relative to Supernatural and (except for a handful of stand-alone episodes) very little of the story is grounded specifically in Dennis/Mac’s romantic dynamic (unlike SPN, where it is absolutely central to much of the narrative)
2 - IASIP is fundamentally satirically in nature/tone which makes it much harder to have genuine romantic pathos (not impossible, but harder)
3 - All the characters on IASIP are fundamentally crummy people who you aren’t exactly supposed to root for. Which doesn’t mean a romance between two of them can’t have its value/charm/worth but it’s not the same as when it is between characters who unequivocally deserve nice things/happy endings
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Hello! you mentioned in your character artbreeder post that you welcomed asks about the program! If you have the time, could you please drop some tips for creating characters in artbreeder! It's definitely an interesting program and has helped me visualise my OCs but I would love to get more out of it! I hope you have a good week!
you know what, I’ve gotten a few of these very broad ‘please just show me how to do Artbreeder’ questions, so sure, let’s do a
buckle in.
Okay, so I’m going to create a portrait for a character of mine from a past Call of Cthulhu campaign, Tonya. I'm picturing Tonya as an unconventionally attractive woman of color; she’s from southeastern Siberia, so I want her to look like her family has some Mongolian blood. She’s in her late twenties, she works as a librarian at the Moscow University library, and she’s the leader of a dark cult. I want her to be pretty enough that you don’t mind her flirting with you, but not so pretty that you’re likely to take her up on it. I’d like to get some kind of little flaw into her face: maybe a bent nose or a lopsided smile.
That’s our mission. Let’s do it.
Go to Artbreeder.com, create a new portrait, and choose the ‘breed’ option. I’m going to pick some faces to breed together to get us started, so I click ‘select parents,’ and go to the ‘Random’ tag. I like this one:
She’s sort of pointy, I like her thin mouth and her eyebrows, and the shape of her face is kind of interesting.
This one appeals to me too:
Another sort of perky nose here. We’re not worried about the fact that none of these women have the right ethnicity; we’ll fix that with sliders later on.
I like this guy, too:
He just looks like he’ll bring something interesting to the mix. Gender is another thing we don’t care about right now. That’s all sliders. The only thing I care about right now is bone structure.
I hit refresh a few times, and I end up with a couple options I like:
All of these have kind of a Tonya-ish vibe. I think I like the second one best. Let’s move forward with her.
Things I like: the bags under her eyes; her thin mouth; her sort of square jaw & flat chin. There’s something interesting to work with here.
But girl. Too white. Also, too much makeup, and maybe a little too old? Let’s make some tweaks.
Makeup: -1.23
Asian: 0.1
Black: 0.2
White: -0.4
Age: -0.3
Art: -0.29 & Sharpness: 0.17. <- This is just to restore a photorealistic look when the engine started to drift towards a more ‘painted’ vibe.
And we get:
Better! But wow, this lighting fucking sucks. She looks very flat. & everything is weirdly brown now?
Let’s get to a palette I like better.
Red: -0.45
Green: 0.1
Blue: 0.5
Saturation: 0.2
Brightness: -0.5
Makeup: -0.2 <- her skin was starting to drift too pretty. That’s not what I’m going for. I like her skin looking just a little bit bad. It’s a good vibe for the character.
And Facial Hair: -0.1 because it started giving her the slightest moustache for some reason.
WAY better. It’s too dark now, but that’s fine. I love the tones I’m getting in her skin; I like the purple under her eyes and the slight green tinge to her skin. This is a cultist in a horror game: I want the colors to be just a little unsettling. At the same time, I like that there’s a certain gentleness in her eyes. This is somebody you want to trust when you first meet her, after all.
Time to fix the lighting by adding some new light sources. We’re also gonna do something with her hair. This is not a haircut anyone actually has. What’s with the one single secition of bangs, and the weird bits sticking out the sides? We can do better.
Time to crack into some custom genes. These are community-made special genes that can help you really hone in on what you’re looking for. Go to the bottom of the big matrix of genes, and click ‘Add Gene.’
You can now just search for stuff, like ‘short hair’ or ‘rim light’ or ‘highlights.’ I added:
3d.Model.Archive’s Short Hair: 0.5
Samraatjg’s Baldness: -0.1 <- Why did I do a -.1 to baldness if I’m making her hair shorter? Because this gene when moved to the negative makes hair look fuller. Shorter hair, bigger floof. It’s all about finding a balance.
Avuel’s Haha Lighting Go Brr: -0.6 <-This is a strong underlighting effect. When you move it to negative, it becomes a strong top-down lighting effect. Versatile!
Torridgristle’s Top-Down Lighting V2: -0.65 <- “Pyrrhic if you’re doing a top-down light, why are you adding another top-down light and setting it to negative? Are you drunk” These two top-down lights work in different ways! Avuel’s is more like a spotlight effect; Torridgristle’s is softer and subtler. So I’m using the negative side of Torridgristle’s gene to add subtle underlighting effects to Avuel’s much more powerful top-down light.
And back to the normal genes, to correct for weird little alterations that entered the picture when I was using the custom genes:
Yaw: -0.4
Asian: -0.2
White: -0.2
Eyesopen: -0.3
And we get:
Get. Ting. There. I like this little smirk that’s entered the picture. I could massage the expression sliders to get rid of it if I didn’t want it, but I’m into it.
Okay, let’s save this and go over to the ‘Children’ tab. This is what I do when I get it to a point where I have no specific complaints, but I know it’s not done yet. Children with ‘Similar->Different’ set to about 40% down the bar (so closer to the ‘similar’ side) will let the AI just kinda like, do some jazz with the face you’ve made.
A warning here: it’s going to keep trying to give you hotter versions of the face you’ve got. Resist the urge. The worst thing about Artbreeder is that it gives everyone influencer-face if you let it.
I spend a minute clicking refresh, and find a few I like:
I don’t care about hair length and stuff, we can always go back and fix that with genes. I think I like that one on the end the most. There’s a focus in her eyes I like, and a fullness to her face that’s kind of interesting.
All right. Now we’re going into Crossbreeding. And there’s no other way to say it: we’re trying to fuck our girl up a little. Open your mind to change. Open your heart to the unexpected. Stay away from the ‘trending’ category, it’s full of generic-looking hot people. Hit up the ‘random’ category. That’s where the freaks are at.
Exquisite.
Turning the ‘style’ slider almost all the way towards the original portrait, and the ‘face’ slider about 40% towards our new, freak-face, I get this:
Why this step, you ask? Because I want her face to have something distinctive about it! That long nose with the thin mouth makes her more interesting. Once I get her back in the gene editor, I make a few adjustments:
Natharch’s Short Hair: 1.1
Lauron8′s Side Hair 1: -0.1
Width: 0.6
Angry: -0.2
Then I have this:
And I’m really happy with this! This is what I wanted for Tonya. She’s on the pretty side, but odd-looking. Her hair is done up modestly, befitting a librarian. Her pallor is a little suspect. She doesn’t look like she sleeps much. And she has just that little edge of a lopsided smile.
Welcome to the world, Tonya. & that’s how you use Artbreeder to create a unique character portrait that conveys personality and mood.
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The interesting thing about c!Quackity's style of manipulation that's drastically different from c!Dream default style (which focuses more on appearing invincible or untouchable) is that when he's in a position of equal or lesser power to someone else (which is most of the time because this man is a pathetic twig <3), Q plays up his vulnerability and emphasizes that he probably deserves the other person's anger and retaliation... but here's why you won't do it, here's what I can offer you, here's why letting me off the hook can actually help you. Every single time.
And then he apologizes, appeases, tries to build them back up after tearing them down because they're useless to him if they have no self-worth whatsoever, but also maybe because he feels guilty for hurting people who didn't "deserve it." He shifts around with c!Foolish during their initial conversation, saying that he let him die to teach a lesson, only to later admit that his words were wrong, his actions were fucked up, and Foolish doesn't have to be so nice to him. He switches back-and-forth with c!Fundy, playing on the abandonment issues they both share while also pushing him to become something "greater" even if it's not authentic to him. He flat-out tells c!Purpled during the stream where he joins the country that if he wanted to kill him for what he did to the UFO, he would be completely justified in doing so... but, but, but. Look how useful I can be. Don't you deserve better? Don't you want me to help you?
It's such a realistic and very human depiction of a self-aware manipulator, an abuse survivor who continues the cycle of violence and subconsciously hates himself for it, who knows from experience that he wouldn't tolerate his own actions if the roles were reversed, who lives with the constant fear of retaliation for crimes both big and small, who understands that one wrong word will end with disaster for him, who truly wants to be kind and be treated in kind but has forgotten how.
And it's so starkly different to his interactions with Dream in the prison cell, where he has all the power and can do anything he wants short of killing him outright. Couple that with his view that Dream is one of the people who "deserves" to suffer, and it's not hard to see why his viciousness in Pandora's Vault is so chilling. Here he has a target he can completely let loose on, who very few people will pity, who he can degrade endlessly with a perfect justification. After all, he's just abusing the abuser! What's so wrong with that? Isn't it what everyone fantasizes about? Even if he knows intellectually that his actions are vile, he has the perfect framework to push aside any emotional barriers to do what he would otherwise view as immoral.
What we see in Pandora's Vault is a version of Quackity with all his inhibitions, all his thoughtfulness, all his guilt about hurting others, and all his empathy for people like him completely and utterly stripped away. And as cathartic as it may be for some to watch Dream get his comeuppance, my god... you just know that this isn't going to end well for anyone, because for all his flaws, Dream isn't stupid. He knows exactly what Quackity is doing.
I'm very interested to see whether the script changes when Dream inevitably comes for his revenge. Is Quackity going to double down on his hatred, throwing it back in Dream's face even while he's on the wrong end of the blade? I believe this is still the more likely route for him. He hasn't lost his bite yet. But what if he tries switching tactics now that he's the vulnerable one, the person being "punished" for his wrongs? He's begun a redemption arc of sorts now; how will that play into things? Is he going to default back to appeasement, use the same confessions of guilt, and hope it makes things easier on him? How genuine would that guilt be, and even if it were true, would Dream believe him or just dismiss it as cowardice?
Somehow, I don't think that last strategy would turn out too well for him. Dream is a very different type of person from Foolish, or Fundy, or even Purpled. And he was treated very, very differently from any of them as well. There was never any love to lose, never any respect built from the ashes. Quackity has nothing meaningful to offer him except maybe, maybe a shred of remorse.
Whatever happens next, it's going to be ugly.
#dsmp#c!quackity#should i tag this as neg?#i'm praising the writing and i'm sympathetic to the character...#but i also basically called him an abuser. so. yeah.#c!dream#YOU'RE NOT OFF THE HOOK EITHER PAL.#my favorite character (derogatory) might deserve a small beating... but if you touch one hair on karlnap or tommy's head...#i will finish big q's work for him. don't even fucking think about it.#tw abuse#tw manipulation#tw torture#analysis#dsmp analysis
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stood up
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hello everyone!!!! I've been awol for literally weeks because i had absolutely NO motivation to write but i finally finished this piece ˊᗜˋ so YAY. ALSOO thank you for following me, liking, and reblogging my pieces (it encourages me somuchsothankyouireallyappreciateit-- and remember reblogging really helps us writers :))) ) here’s a hug for all ur patience and feel free to send me asks or requests i love talking to you guys! ε(♡'-')з
summary: Harry keeps standing Y/N up. (request from @ballerinrry! thank u love)
warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol and sex, angsty but with a happy ending cause for some reason i can never let them end on a bad note
Y/N was excited.
It had been a while since Harry had asked her to go on a date, it was always the other way around recently. She couldn’t blame him though, Y/N knew just how busy Harry always was, and it wasn’t like he was purposefully not asking her to go do things, he just had a lot on his plate.
That’s what she kept telling herself anyways.
It’s what she told herself when it had been 2 weeks since they had even eaten a meal together, and given the fact that just a few months ago Harry had come back to London for a while, that was rare. So, Y/N asked him to grab lunch on a Saturday while they were lying in bed together, and when he agreed, but failed to show up, leaving Y/N sitting at the cafe, her lips morphed into a frown and her eyes not focusing on the phone in front of her, she told herself he was simply booked up with meetings and studio time and such.
Thats what he told her when he got into bed that night to apologize for accidentally standing her up. She forgave him, of course, and suggested they could just get dinner the next week. He agreed, even walked around to his calander her to show her he was marking the date off in his calendar with a heart, her first initial, and 7:00 PM etched into the little box with red sharpie.
So, the week passed with quick kisses of good mornings and good nights, and while Harry was gone Y/N had on a black dress she had been excited to wear for a while now, with those little mini silver heels and a coat strung over her shoulders as she sat on her couch waiting for Harry to swing by to pick her up. She shot him a text that simply asked “You otw? xx”
He was not.
It took about 30 minutes of waiting on their couch to realize he was standing her up, again. And it took until the next morning for Harry to see her text (his phone had been on do not disturb while he was at the studio and he ended up spending the night at Sarah and Mitch’s after a few beers), and for the guilt to seep through his veins.
He apologized, again. And Y/N forgave him, again.
Only until it got to the point where Y/N no longer remembered the amount of times Harry had stood her up, for being at the studio, or sleeping after a meeting, or simply just not paying attention to his phone, she knew there was a problem.
Harry was fully aware of the problem too. He knew that this was no way to ever treat a partner, and if someone was doing this to him, he’d dump them— well, he’s never been one to end a relationship unless it was necessary, so that’s an exaggeration, but it’s the principle of the thing.
Which is why when he got home one day around 11 PM, gave her a kiss to the forehead after she sat up in their bed to give him a hug, and a soft “Can we talk?” escaped her lips, he knew he had to fix this. So he asked her if they could talk over dinner the next night, he just wanted to sleep but also wanted to fix things with his girl, asking her if she was free of course, before telling her he’s gonna make a reservation at that nice restaurant the two of them used to go to quite often, because “it’s been a while since I’ve taken my favorite girl out”.
A grin broke out on her face because he had asked her! And if Harry was planning it, there’s no way he’d cancel or stand her up.
So yeah, Y/N was excited.
She woke up that morning with a smile on her face, and something akin to a what she thinks a rainbow would feel like running through her veins. It had only been a few months since she’d last been on a date with her boyfriend of almost 2 years and a half in person, and she was going to make the most of it. Because after this date, things would change. They’d spend more time together again and it would be like this little bump (that neither had acknowledged) never happened.
Y/N did, well, everything to prepare. Took a long shower, shaved, put on that coconut lotion Harry likes— he tended to dig his face in her neck when he smelled it while holding her—, brushed her teeth more than 3 times, dug in her closet to find that one patterned soft purple dress she bought ages ago but never had a change to wear it, until now, put on those really cute heels Harry said he liked once (“Looks like something you’d wear on a runway pet, I love ‘em.”), and even styled her hair differently than normal.
He had told her he would swing by at 8 on the dot after the studio, and soon enough, it was 8, with no sign from the man who made the promise himself. Y/N thought maybe there was traffic, he was just running late, texted him a quick, “Can’t wait to see you!! xxx” and put her phone on the coffee table, waiting on their couch.
8 turned to 9, 9 turned to 10, 10 turned to 11, and soon it was midnight. Y/N doesn’t think she’d ever felt more empty than how she felt then, walking to their shared room of a year, slipping off her heels and tossing them towards the closet, as well as pulling her dress over herself and letting it fall to the floor behind her, grabbing that one t-shirt she always wears when she needs comfort (which just happened to an extra 2018 Live on Tour shirt Harry had laying around that she snatched just 3 months into them dating), and flopping into bed.
She couldn’t fall asleep, and instead spent her time curled up in their bedsheets, a steady flow of tears making their way down her blush covered cheeks.
。:°ஐ
Harry usually didn’t make mistakes.
Sure, he had his moments, grabbing the wrong coffee off the counter when his name was called at the cafe, forgetting to text Jeff that he actually couldn’t make it to a meeting that was scheduled in a few hours. Just little things, things that didn’t matter that much, and could always be fixed. He didn’t usually make mistakes that weren’t easy to fix. He just wasn’t that kind of guy.
Until, he was.
Harry loved Y/N. He loved having her around, loved spending time with her, loved loving on her, loved kissing her, loved touching her, loved the way she went about almost everything. He was so in love with her, that hurting her was out of the question. He never wanted to be the one to make her cry, make her bottom lip quiver before the tears rushed out like he’d seen many times before, due to movies, his songs (which as sadistic as it sounds was an ego builder to have someone so close to him so affected by the music he wrote), her school work, or even her friends that weren’t being so nice.
In fact, he was so in love with her, even being so afraid of commitment (it took him over a year of them dating to ask her to move in), all he wanted to do was blurt out those 4 dreaded words. “Will you marry me?” It was a bond for life, and he was terrified of that, but with Y/N all he wanted to do was spend the rest of his living days with her.
When Harry had come back from being in L.A. for so long and finally being in the same city as his girlfriend back at their home, all they did was spend time together. Every time he saw Y/N all he wanted to do was say those 4 words that he hadn’t even fully come to terms with himself. It was dangerous, and Harry’s self control when it came to Y/N was lacking, so he simply did was every normal person would do in his situation.
He stood her up.
Many more times than he could count, and of course he felt like the shittiest person in the world— shittiest boyfriend in the world—but at least now she can’t possibly be under the impression that he wanted to marry her, which is what he wanted. Or thought he wanted, until Sarah called him up one day after he had stood Y/N up for dinner the night before and told him off. Told Harry just how fucking terrible he made Y/N feel, how unwanted she thought she was, how she felt like they were loosing their relationship, and Harry didn’t know what to do with himself. (Of course Y/N had sobbed to Sarah about it over the phone while she was drunk off the wine she opened 40 minutes after Harry said he would be there, so she really didn’t even remember the conversation).
And later that day Harry had come home, heard her wavering voice asking if they could talk, and decided in his head he would tell her how he felt, how sorry he was, and how he wanted to be with her forever and love her forever if she allowed him. He had a few expectations for their dinner, that Y/N would probably tell him how he’s made her feel, and Harry would apologize, tell her why he did it, explain he thought it was no excuse, then tell her he plans on marrying her (obviously not proposing just yet, but finally bringing up the conversation they had never had even though they were in a serious committed relationship) and they’d go back home, have the most amazing sex ever, and forget about the whole thing.
What Harry didn’t expect was to get a call from Jeff around 5 asking him to come to the studio to fix few vocals, then end up nailing down 2 songs in one night, go to a bar with the band to celebrate, get drunk, then pass out at Mitch and Sarahs flat.
But that’s what happened, according to Mitch, who woke Harry up the very next morning.
“Good morning man, wakey wakey,” Mitch’s teasing tone echoed through Harry’s (what felt like full of vodka) brain as he groaned and squinted his eyes. “Why are you waking me up at this hour in the morning?” Harry asked drearily, sighing and simultaneously regretting last night as a whole because the last thing he wanted to do while hungover was be up before at least 9 AM.
“We’ve gotta go to meet with Jeff about tour in like a hour, H” Mitch stated .
At Mitch’s words Harry sat up on their couch, eyes wide in fear. “Wait mate, I thought tha’ meeting was on Wednesday.”
“It is Wednesday H, god how drunk did we let you get last night…” Mitch said, beginning to recount some of Harry’s antics the night before. Harry however, couldn’t hear a thing with the blood pumping through his ears. If today was Wednesday, that meant yesterday was Tuesday, and he went and got trashed at a bar with his friends Tuesday night when— when he was supposed to be on a date with Y/N, when he was supposed to confess his intentions, when he was supposed to apologize for standing her up over and over, yet instead he went and did it again.
Now this, this was a mistake.
“…H. H. Harry? Are you there?” Mitch’s voice came back into focus and Harry shook his head. “I- fuck, I was supposed to take Y/N out last night.” Harry said, his voice trembling.
‘I’m sure she’ll forgive you, it’s just one night.” Mitch tried to make Harry feel better. He knew Y/N was a very forgiving person, she would get over this in no time.
“No, she won’t. I-I’ve stood her up for the past month and a half, Mitch.”
At these words, Mitch stands straight up making pained eye contact with Sarah in the kitchen who was overhearing most of this conversation with her eyes wide. She had no idea it was this bad. “Month and a half? I thought it was just that one time a few weeks ago, Harry what the hell is wrong with you?” Harry simply shook his head and didn’t reply. He had absolutely no idea how to make it up to her. “I-fuck, I don’t know Mitch!” Harry raised his voice. “I need to see her and apologize, now.” Harry said, standing up and rushing over to the front door and slipping on his shoes.
“This meeting is mandatory Harry, as much as I want you to see her too, she’d probably still asleep, and I don’t think this can be solved in under an hour.” Mitch said calmly, already knowing Harry was close to walking out his door. Harry stayed silent for a moment, weighing the options. Either go apologize to his girlfriend, or prioritize himself over her again.
“We can do it another day, I’m sorry, but I have to go see her, tell Jeff I feel sick.” And he walked out without another word.
。:°ஐ
The morning after Harry stood Y/N up again was brutal.
She stayed up all night, replaying moments with Harry in her head, analyzing if he wanted to be there with her, wondering if maybe he felt like he had to stay with her out of pity. It was torture, and the pain seemed to turn into numbness as time went by, and eventually the sun came up, and she stayed in bed, her motivation lost.
A loud crash and “Fuck!” woke her up, swollen eyes fluttering open to the invasive noise. Y/N furrowed her brows, her mind connecting everything that happened yesterday and unfortunately reminding her of the unbearable pain she went through the night before. A groan escaped her lips as she sat up and flung her legs out of her bed sheets that had been flung off the bed in the middle of the night. She began grumbling to herself as she made her way downstairs, ready to tell Harry off for making so much noise.
Her mouth stopped moving, and instead remained in limbo as her eyes met Harry’s. His mouth opened to speak, but his words were caught in his throat as he saw the state she was in. It was when her mouth pressed into a line that he could begin talking. “Y/N, baby, please I know you don’t wanna see me or talk t’me right now but I’m so fuckin’ sorry, love. So so sorry, it was an accident, I went t’ the studio to fix a few things then got hung up on the songs and by the time we went to celebrate I completely lost track of time, and I was too drunk to drive home so I crashed at Mitch’s.”
Her mouth fell open at his words. Everything was happening too fast. Hearing that he stood her up to drink at a fucking bar to celebrate himself, then coming home and accidentally knocking over a glass in their kitchen (which she put together was the crash earlier after seeing the shards of broken glass on the floor) frustrated her to no end. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him any longer, and Harry had stopped talking after realizing what he just admitted to her. Without another glance, instead of looking at Y/N’s tear stained face, all he saw was her back, walking up the stairs to their room.
“Fuck,” He said to himself before following her up the pink stairs. “Y/N, love wait-please, I’m so sorry, I just need to talk to you, I need to explain myself, please.” He begged as she shut their bedroom door in his face, his voice turning into a desperate whine at the end.
。:°ஐ
It’s been 3 days since then, and she hasn’t spoken to him. He would leave in the mornings, kissing her forehead and mumbling an “I love you” and telling her exactly what time he’d be home, before leaving and coming back on time to find an empty plate in the sink and her lying in their bed, whether it be reading, scrolling on her phone, or typing on her laptop. He would apologize many times, reaching his hand out for hers and she would simply situate herself in their bed and lay down, back turned to him.
Harry just couldn’t take it anymore.
It was when she had finally let him kiss her forehead goodnight that he decided to take his chance. “Y/N.” He spoke softly, with no response or anything to indicate she heard him. “Baby, can we please talk- or I’ll talk and you listen, I just- I really need to say some things.”
She was still faced away from him when he leaned against their headboard and he decided to keep going.
“I- um. I’m sure you know how sorry I am, but I really am- sorry I mean. Not just for tonight but for every other time I’ve stood you up. I’m so sorry for not showing you how much you matter to me, and how much the things you do matter to me.”
It was then that she slowly sat up next to him and looked at him, eyes begging him to continue. He blushed at her intense eye-contact that he had barely gotten over the past few days and took a breath, opting to look at his hands fidgeting in his lap.
“We’ve been together for 2 and almost a half years, which is the longest relationship I’ve been in, and it’s no excuse to treat you this way, but I had just been thinking about how things progress even further than now,” He coughs. “Which is marriage, and when I finally came home, all I wanted to do was ask you to marry me- I don’t- m’not proposing right now, I just- I got really scared because wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone is crazy to me,
I’ve never thought that way about anyone else until you, I didn’t even really want to get married before you, and I started to distance myself before I ended up telling you this, but obviously that blew up in my face.” He chuckled a bit, locking eyes with her unreadable ones for a moment and lifting a hand to run through his hair. “What I’m trying to say, is that I love you, so so much, and I plan on marrying you— obviously if you want to too, of course— and I’m so sorry for trying to make you think that I didn’t care about you anymore or love you any less, because it’s the complete opposite of that.”
His eyes were watery now, as he started down at his interlocked fingers, and his eyes widened when her hand was gently placed over his own. “Harry,” Y/N began. “Look at me, please.”
His head lifted to see her facing him, her brows knitted and a small smile on her face. “I forgive you, okay? I could tell you were kind of scared of commitment when we first started dating, and I wish I could say your reason for standing me up is surprising but it’s not.” They both chuckled a bit at this. “I- I’m still upset at you, I need you to know that, because 2 months of thinking the love of your life is avoiding you doesn’t feel all too great, so you suck for that,” she said, planting a quick kiss to his cheek which quickly turned pink. “But Harry, even if you asked me to marry you a year ago I would have said yes. I love you, so much, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with you as well. I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment, it was… unnecessary and immature. So, thank you for apologizing. I love you.” She confessed again.
“S’okay, I deserved it, and I love you too. Maybe even more. So um, we’re okay?” Harry asked, a hopeful smile on his face.
She nodded with a smile and pulled him into a much needed hug and pulled away only for him to bring her into an even more needed kiss. “If you ever try to pull that shit again, I’m breaking up with you.” She laughed and he tackled her into the sheets hiding his face in her neck.
“Duly noted, love. Duly noted.”
#harry styles one shot#harry styles imagine#harry styles fluff#Harry Styles#harry styles angst#im pretty proud of this one#if I do say so myself#harry styles fanfiction#its kinda short tho sorry
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Never too late.
A/N: I hope you enjoy!! I have not proofread this so i apologise in advance!! 💕💕
Summary: Tom messed up a long time ago but can he fix it?
Warnings: Swearing.
W/C: 4.2K.
When Isabelle had asked you to be her maid of honour you took the role immediately, wanting to be there for your best friend. It wasn’t until a few days later that you realised who you may have to interact with throughout the planning and on the day. You were currently getting coffee with Isabelle when the question slipped from your mouth, you hadn’t meant to spoil the atmosphere as you discussed flower arrangements.
“So, um, who did Haz pick as best man?” The question came out before you could stop it. Isabelle carefully placed her coffee down and looked at you with a sad smile.
“I was gonna tell you Y/N/N, I’m sorry.” She said, confirming that it was indeed the man you’d hoped it wasn’t.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.” You apologised, guilt settling in your stomach as she reached over and took your hand in hers.
“No, I should have said. I just, well I don’t know, it’s been what? Three years? I thought you’d have gotten over it, no offence.”
“We never had closure, we just argued and that was it. We haven’t spoken since.” You shrugged and Isabelle smiled sadly again.
“Did you want it? Closure?”
“Not at first but then every time I saw him afterwards just brought it all back up, brought up how much I loved him and how much it hurt when we ended things.” You said as you bit your lip, sadness now settling in your chest. It wasn’t often you spoke about Tom, you couldn’t, every time it would make you cry and you could never explain why.
“Y/N?” Isabelle asked quietly and you looked at her, telling her to continue. “Are you? Do you still have feelings for him?” She asked and you shrugged before finishing your now luke warm beverage.
“I don’t think so, like you say it’s been three years. I’ve always put it down to not getting closure.”
“Maybe talk to him? This would be a good opportunity, you’re going to have to see each other a lot.” She suggested and you shook your head.
“No, after the way we left things, I’m not sure that’d be a good idea. I’m not doing anything to ruin your big day, I’ll be civil, I promise.”
**
You were meeting Haz and Isabelle for a meal to discuss how they wanted the day to go, making your way into the restaurant. You knew he’d be there and you were already prepared for your mind to throw you back to that night but of course all the preparation meant nothing when your eyes fell on him. Your heart twisting as you swallowed thickly and made your way to the table, doing your best to stay composed and civil.
You’d seen Tom several times after the break up, you ran in the same circles, same friends and your respective best friends were getting married. You’d seen him but always managed to avoid him, this time you couldn’t. You exchanged pleasantries and sat down, zoning out as your mind wandered back to that night.
“You’re such a fucking dick Tom.” You huffed as you shut the door to your flat. Tom making his way into the living room.
“I’m here aren’t I?” He fired back, irritated, you’d already argued over text.
“After having to be reminded yeah.” You said and he rounded on you, eyes holding anger towards you.
“I forgot okay? I’m a human being. It’s perfectly human to forget things.” He snapped back. You wish he hadn’t come over now, wish you hadn’t have reminded him of your movie night you’d planned.
“This is the third date you’ve forgotten.” You pointed out and he huffed as he rolled his eyes.
“I’m busy, you know that.”
“So am I and I still turn up to things we’ve planned. Believe it or not Tom, I actually remember I’m in a relationship.” You said as you stormed past him and into your living room.
“Can you just drop it? I’m tired and I’ve had a long day, I’m here now.” He said following after you.
“Sure. I’ll drop it, I’ll just bring it up next time yeah?” You shouted and his nostrils flared as he crossed his arms over his chest.
“Stop being so difficult.”
“Difficult? Me? You’re the one who’s seemingly unavailable all the fucking time.”
“That’s not true. I make time for you.” Tom snapped out as he ran a hand through his hair.
“Bullshit. You used to, I’ll give you that but recently? It’s like you’d rather be anywhere else but here.” It was true that in the last month you’d hardly seen him.
“Maybe I do want to be elsewhere.” He shouted and your stomach dropped a little, it was different hearing it confirmed.
“What?” You asked a slight sadness to your voice but he was too angry to notice.
“You heard. You’re so needy and fucking irritating at the minute. It doesn’t matter what I do, you start a fight anyway.” He ranted and your heart stopped. Needy? Irritating?
“Well you’re hardly Mr fucking perfect.”
“You’re right I’m not. I’m fucking human. I know you want me to be this man who does nothing but put you first all the goddam time but that’s not always how situations work Y/N. I have a life outside of this relationship.”
“Yeah I get that, I do. But fuck Tom, I ask for one night of your time and you forget. Or is that even true? Is that you forgot or you just can’t be bothered?”
“You’re ridiculous. You know what? I don’t know if I can do this anymore?” What?
“What?”
“This, us. All we do is fight, I can’t do a single fucking thing that makes you happy. God damn Y/N, last week you got angry with me because I arrived a few hours later than I was supposed to. I would’ve understood had it not been for the fact that I got held up, my flight got delayed.”
“All you had to do was text, that’s all I wanted.” You said, sadness settling in your chest whereas Tom just seemed angry at the situation.
“I did! That’s why I was so fucking pissed off, it’s not my fault you never received it. What else could I have done?”
“Maybe you’re right.” You said.
“What?” Tom snapped out and you let your eyes brim with tears.
“Get out Tom.” You said.
“So I come over to get kicked straight back out, well fan fucking tastic.” He snapped with another roll of his eyes.
“No, I mean get out and don’t come back.” You said and Tom’s face fell.
“Wait, Y/N/N, are you,”
“Yeah,” you interrupted. “This isn’t working anymore, you’re right. Now can you please just leave?” You snapped as you looked at him, he looked at you hesitantly as if he was about to say something but he never did. He composed himself as huffed as he left with a slam of your flat door.
You’d always wondered what he was going to say, you knew he was going to. Maybe that’s why you found it so hard when you saw him, that wonder about what he would have said, would it have changed anything? Was he going to say something nasty, something to try and fix it? You never contacted one another afterwards, returning each other’s belongings through Isabelle and Harrison.
“Y/N/N?” Harrison asked as he waved his hand in front of your face, pulling you from your thoughts as you looked at him. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. Long day.” You said, you could feel Tom’s eyes on you but couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.
“So, wedding guests.” Haz continued as he clapped his hands together. “You guys are gonna spend most of the day together.” He said as he gestured between you and Tom.
“If that’s okay?” Isabelle added as she looked at you with concern.
“Of course, it’s your wedding day.” You smiled as you tried to ignore the pounding in your head at the thought of having to spend an entire day interacting with the man across from you.
“Brilliant.” Harrison said, he knew you and Tom had ended on bad terms but probably assumed you’d both gotten over it. You wondered deep down if you had.
The dinner flew by and you couldn’t have rushed off to your house soon enough. Wanting to leave behind the awkward tension between you and Tom, maybe this was going to be harder than you first thought.
**
It was the day of the wedding and excitement was bubbling around the church. You were all made up in your bridesmaid dress, hair pulled up into an intricate style as you watched Isabelle pull on her wedding dress.
“You look beautiful.” You gasped as you handed her the bouquet of flowers. “If Haz doesn’t cry I think I might snatch you up for myself.” You joked and Isabelle smiled shyly. Her hair was pulled up into a bun, pins with diamonds twinkling under the lights, beautiful white wedding dress that fell elegantly around the floor.
“I’m nervous.” She admitted as she squeezed your hand.
“Don’t be. Harrison loves you, you’re gonna be so happy.” You said as you squeezed her hands back. A knock pulling you from your moment. It wasn’t long before Isabelle’s dad made an appearance, stopping as he saw his daughter.
“You look, oh my goodness, you look beautiful.” He said in awe as he embraced her, wiping at his eyes that were now full of tears.
“Thank you dad.”
“That boy has no idea how lucky he is.”
You followed her to the alter, her hand firmly grasping her father’s forearm as they linked arms. You were behind her as you made your way up the aisle, you couldn’t stop your eyes drifting to Tom and you watched as his widened, he was already looking at you. Harrison and Isabelle had made the decision to have the dress rehearsal but keep everyone’s attire a secret for the day, Tom hadn’t seen you in your bridesmaid dress.
The ceremony was beautiful, Harrison cried, well almost everyone cried as they watched the loving couple say their ‘I do’s’ and share their first kiss as a married couple. They made their way down the alter and you let out a shaky breath as Tom approached you, offering his arm out for you to take. You looped your arm through his as you plastered possibly the fakest smile you’d ever given.
“You look beautiful.” You heard Tom’s voice and you looked at him as you continued to follow Harrison and Isabelle. All bridesmaids now having been paired up with another of the groomsmen. Of course you and Tom had to pair up being in the positions you were.
“Thank you.” You said as you bit your lip and he gave you a small smile. You’d always been able to read Tom, always had a connection with him that was unexplainable. He seemed almost sad. He wasn’t giving off his usual vibe, not that anyone else would notice, he really is a good actor, just not good enough to fool you.
The lunch had gone really well, no hiccups, everything ran smoothly. The décor looked amazing, blue and white flowers decorating the table in beautiful glass vases in the middle of each table. You were sat next to Tom, making conversation with Tuwaine who was placed at your other side. The room falling into silence as the speeches started. Harrison’s was beautiful, Isabelle’s father’s just as much and now it was Tom’s turn. You wiped at your eye, the speeches having been so beautiful they’d brought tears to your eyes.
“I’m very happy to be here today and share this happy couples day with all of you. I am beyond grateful that you asked me to be such a huge part of it Harrison, being your best man has been and always will be an honour.” Tom started and Harrison smiled up at him.
“You just have to promise I’ll be your best man.” Harrison teased and Tom breathed out a laugh.
“Done. Your wife looks incredible I want to add, such a beautiful couple. I’ve known Harrison since we were kids and I let me tell you, I have an incredible amount of embarrassing stories involving this young man. Like the time he got so excited when we went bowling that he fell onto the alley, got a strike but of course it didn’t count. Or the time he got so angry playing golf that he threw a club at the floor and almost knocked himself out when it bounced back up.” Tom said which pulled a laugh from the room.
It did a strange thing to you, you were there that day he almost hit himself on the golf course, god knows how he’d done it. The memory of you and Tom laughing as Tom had his arms locked around your waist, you shook your head from the thoughts.
“I could go on but I’ll save his dignity.” Tom teased as Harrison flipped him off, Tom read the paper in his hands before stuffing it back into his pocket, you assumed he’d almost finished.
“I’ve always been jealous of Harrison in a way. He found something good and he kept hold of it, he fought for it and made sure he kept it. These guys have been through some tough times, they truly have and they’ve both seen the other side of it. Harrison has always been better than me when it comes to admitting fault, taking responsibility for his actions, something I’ve never been good at. Watching these two and how in love they are with each other has made me really think about myself as a person and all the stupid things I’ve done in life, the things I’ve lost through my own stubbornness. You really have taught me a lot about love and soulmates, I’m just glad you didn’t make the same mistake I did.” Tom said and you found yourself staring at him, as if he was the only person in the room.
Your eyes met Isabelle’s and she looked just as blown away as you did, Harrison looking up at his best friend with a knowing look. Tuwaine leant over and placed a handkerchief in your hand.
“Here, you’re gonna smudge your makeup.” He said and it only just occurred to you that you were crying, more than you had at any of the other speeches. Was he talking about you? You doubted it, he’s had plenty of girlfriends in the three years since you’d split. You only half listened as Tom finished his speech as he sat back down next to you, the room applauding him as they fell into their own conversations.
“That was,” you said as you cleared your throat. “That was really beautiful Tom.”
“Thank you.”
**
The wedding party continued on, it was now the evening do, the night drawing closer to the first dance, the last interaction you had to have with Tom and you felt nervous. The tension between the two of you thick after his speech, you weren’t sure if he felt it too and you had got it al wrong. Maybe you just wished he was talking about you, he clearly was referring to someone.
Tom took your hand in his as you joined the married couple in the first dance. Couples slowly joining as Tom placed his hands on your waist and you placed yours on his shoulders. To say you weren’t an actor you were doing well at hiding your feelings.
“You really do look beautiful.” Tom said, eyes finding yours.
“Thank you. You’re speech really was beautiful.” You always were one to give credit where it was due. He shrugged.
“Thanks, I read it online somewhere, I’m no good at writing that soppy shit.” He laughed and you breathed out a laugh. Oh.
It wasn’t long before you finished, Tom leaving you instantly and you missed being in his arms instantly. He disappeared most of the night, you only catching glimpses of him every so often.
“Y/N, you look beautiful.” Sam said as he joined you on the dancefloor.
“Thanks Sam.” You’d not seen him in a long time.
“How’d you like Tom’s speech?” He asked and you furrowed your brows, why was he asking you that?
“It was beautiful.” You admitted and Sam smiled.
“Yeah, I helped him write that.” He admitted. What?
“He said he got help online.” You said utterly confused.
“That’s bullshit.” Sam laughed. “I helped him write that whole thing. That part about being jealous of Harrison? Not what I helped him write, that was completely off script.” Sam said and you stopped your dancing as you looked at him.
“What?”
“Oh come on, that was completely pulled from his heart. You know Tom, that was completely unscripted.”
“Yeah, but he’s had a lot of girlfriends, why would I care?” You said and Sam burst into a fit of laughter at that.
“I thought you knew?” Sam said and you looked at him seriously.
“Knew what?”
“About Tom? About what happened on the stag do?” He said matching your seriousness.
“No?” You fished and Sam huffed.
“He was hammered okay. But he got all emotional and said some stuff about you.” Sam admitted and your furrow deepened.
“What did he say?”
“He regrets the way things ended. Regrets letting you go, said he wished he’d have stayed, told you how much you meant to him. Fought for you. Y/N, he was thinking about asking you to marry him.” Sam continued and your eyes blew wide at that.
“We were twenty-two Sam.” You said and he shrugged.
“We said that but he said it was irrelevant, he knew he’d found his person in you. He said he doesn’t think he’ll ever love anyone like he loved you, he’s tried.” Sam informed you. “I honestly thought someone had told you.” He said as he took in your shocked state.
“No.” You squeaked out.
“Y/N, he’s my brother and trust me, he’s an idiot at the best of times. But I know he loves you, it shocked all of us when he turned into an emotional mess over a relationship that ended three years ago. I think seeing you and the whole wedding put a lot into perspective for him.”
“But why now?” You asked and Sam looked at you seriously.
“Y/N, I think he realises this could have been your wedding. You were both young and stubborn and I stand by that fact but if things had turned out differently. If he’d stayed that night this could have been you and I think he’s realised that.” Sam said as he brought a hand to your cheek and wiped your tears out of your eyes. “Go find him. Talk to him.” He said and you realised you had to, after that revelation you had to. You owed it to the both of you.
“Thanks Sam.”
**
Half an hour it took you to find him, half an hour of running around looking for him until you eventually found the curly haired boy. He was on the roof, sat on the edge, looking out over the grounds of the manor house Harrison had booked for the wedding night. You had a room booked along with most of the guests.
Your heart was pounding as you let the door shut and your palms felt sweaty but your heart felt lifted at Sam’s revelation.
“I’m not so sure the best man is supposed to disappear.” You said and Tom snapped his head to look at you as you approached. Holding out a hand for you to take as you very carefully placed yourself next to him. The view was breathtaking, he’d always found comfort in the countryside, a complete juxtaposition to his life in cities.
“Probably not but I don’t think Haz will notice. I am planning on going back, just needed a breather.”
“Are you okay?” You asked seriously, you noted his slightly dampened mood all day.
“I never could get past you could I?” He asked with a breathy laugh.
“Nope.” You laughed in return and he smiled at you.
“Just thinking.” He admitted and you hummed.
“I spoke to Sam.” You said after a while and Tom sighed as his ran a hand through his hair.
“Figured it’d be him that told you. How much did he tell you?” Tom asked and you looked at him, admiring how beautiful he was and he really was, always had been.
“Everything, well I assume so. Is it true?” You asked and Tom looked back at you.
“Which part?”
“About the proposal thing?”
“Yeah.” He admitted and you furrowed your brows.
“Why’d you never come back? Say something?” You asked and Tom sighed.
“Because I was a fucking stupid child that’s why. Completely fucked up my chances with you.” Tom said and you nodded slightly in agreement with him, you weren’t blameless.
“Maybe not completely.” You said and Tom’s eyes widened.
“You mean?”
“I don’t think I ever really stopped loving you. I always thought it was closure I needed and then Sam said wat he said and I realised it was everything I wanted to hear. I tried to find the same connection with other men but I just couldn’t and I wondered if it was because I wanted closure with you. It took me until today to realise that deep down it was actually just you I wanted.” You said as a tear slipped from Tom’s eye and you were quick to catch it.
“I’ve never found that connection either. God, fuck, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you.” He said your heart soared.
“Still?” You asked and he nodded. “Me too.” You admitted and he smiled.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“You do. We deserve to be happy in life Tom and you made me so happy. The happiest I’d ever been.” You said. “I was difficult because I was so scared, scared that you’d leave me, find someone else. You got this whole knew life, you were Spiderman, meeting models, all these women I couldn’t compete with.”
“You were never in competition. It doesn’t matter how many other women I met, they were never you, they could never be you. They didn’t understand me like you did. Y/N, there was and is never gonna be anyone else like you.” You were both crying now, happiness surrounding you.
“What were you gonna say? That night?” You needed to know.
“I was about to get on my knees and fucking beg you to let me stay. My stubbornness got in the way, I thought you could do better, have someone who was there for you all the time. Someone who didn’t forget dates and keep you waiting.” He admitted before he continued. “But if I ever got a do over in life that’s where I’d go, I’d get on my knees and beg you to let me stay, let me keep you.”
“Oh Tom.” You sighed out and he smiled shyly as you leant your forehead against his.
“I should have tried, should have fought for you but I was an idiot. I didn’t realise how much so until it was too late.”
“It’s never too late Tom.”
“I hope not because I want you Y/N, I want you back.”
“Kiss me.” You practically begged and he complied, his lips finding your own. His arms slipped around your waist as he pulled you flush against him. Your hands finding his hair as you threaded your fingers though it. The kiss was sweet but fiery, a kiss of two lovers reuniting as he pulled away and his lips found your neck as he kissed it, you moved your head to give him more access.
“I love you.” He said as he peppered his kisses back up to your lips.
“I love you Tom.” You returned as you deepened the kiss. Missing the way he felt, loving the way you molded against him and the amount of passion behind the kiss, something you’d not experienced in almost three years. No man had ever ignited you the way Tom did.
“Oi, oi! I fucking knew it.” You heard screamed from far below you as you both pulled apart and looked down at Harrison. He was outside smoking a cigarette and he’d obviously caught you both.
“Piss off.” Tom laughed back down as you placed your head on his chest and laughed.
“Izzy, baby, we don’t have to pull that bullshit about double booked rooms, you can let your cousin know there’s a free room.” Harrison shouted in his wife’s direction and you and Tom laughed.
“Wanna go back in princess?” Tom asked and you nodded as he stood before making sure you got up safely. “I owe you a proper dance.”
#tom holland x reader#tom holland x female reader#tom holland x y/n#tom holland angst#tom holland fluff#tom holland
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Errmmm....nooo...we meet Slizzy, the user and the slut, always taking credit for the accomplishments of others, fucking over others and being a trampy, violent psychopath....
No, she’s “looked to spiral” and now has “looked to a cult”..
Yes, yes....sorry, but not new..
Noooo, she’s become the champion for self victimization, being a total hypocrite, temper tantruming and body shaming other women for choices that are none of her business. Especially when she doesn’t get invited to parties.
I met PP in LA, she was already sulking her ass off. She remains seated because she’s fucking lazy AF. She talks to me about her ladypain and not bothering to get real treatment/address her issues....she does sidestep her cult a lot this time, so maybe she’s getting bored with that shit.....otherwise, she literally says the same bullshit she always says....
There is nothing remotely “intimate” here, it’s her stand blabber (tho she might’ve let slip a thing or two)...
I fucking hate this job, even tho it’s the best I’m ever gonna do. But I like to pretend otherwise. Also, do you have $5 to give me? I need $$$
I actually haven’t and I’m seekritly fully aware I suck ass. I’m also seekritly aware this is the best it’s ever gonna be and I’m staring down obscurity already. And by “my style”, I mean everybody kissing my ass...
No, in fact, I have to buy my way onto things. This is some bullshit I’ve made up, since the role/project is on indefinite hold, anyway.....and I was neverrrr gonna get it. And even if I had, would’ve fallen flat on my face.
I was sooooo speshullllllll.....and sensitive, cuz that’s how I like to see myself when I’m a difficult mess....
Sooo, soooo, SOOOOOOO speshul....
I wanted lots of attention and could tell Cole was finally getting REALLY fed up with my bullshit for good, so I figured I’d preemptively shade him with this....also I really like $$$, so I figured I’d “publish” shit I’d shared with my fandumb for free on tumblr all along....
I can’t believe people are such meanies that they actually CRITICIZED my middle school style whining!!!
Oh no, I routinely excuse myself from everything! And I, in fact, exactly wanted everybody to see how deep and sensitive I am....and to start shading Cole, cuz how dare he get fed up with me fucking around and making my MH issues the central focus of our relationship? It’s like he thought HE was a person with needs, tooo!!!
AND HOW DARE HE FUCKING DUMP ME AND START DATING, A FULL YEAR LATER, A WOMAN WAY SKINNIER THAN I AM?????
Alsoooo.....my costars point at me and call me “fatty”. Except FT, cuz her ass is huge....oh and Shannon, but I don’t count her. She’s moar Cole’s friend and actually talented/serious about her craft....
By “therapist” I mean cult leader, buuut..... Oh yeah....and did I mention, as I’m saying this, I’m a total hypocrite who gets lots of plastic surgery? Cuz this is all legit bullshit......it’s soooo hard.....
I was told to ask you about something you never shut up about/is not remotely new info! BTW....did you just basically say “you’re bi-polar”??? Cuz that isn’t how depression works....
Also I believe you have no “healthy relationships” in your life atm and the last (possibly only ever) one was Cole, correct? Is that why you’re stalking him/his current GF with his other ex?
Oh also, I totally am NOT “trying to escape” by being in a cult, doing drugs a lot and “talking to ghosts thru the ether”...
People don’t, actually...my agent had to really haul ass to make it happen. I have exposed myself as a whiny hypocrite who just wants to get attention, sympathy and most importantly swag/$$$.
Also, I’ve been telling peeps they “don’t know what I’m capable of” since 2017....so plenty of time to change that. I’m too lazy and entitled....this is my slightly humbler version, cuz I’m also soooperrr gloomy these days.
But, again, depression rocks...see above!
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faults with the monster high reboots that the monster high movies did better (in my personal opinion!)
monster high itself (as in, the building)
i like the idea of the building as an ancient entity with its own mind: this ancient place that does strange things– which kind of mirrors the ghouls themselves. you really give the audience the power to add their own creativity to it as well. the pool that has unknown mysteries, the catacombs that give monsters the power to travel underground through normie territory. why take that away and replace it with something rather flat and stale that follows a rather cliche/typical storyline of revamping an old building that isn’t in the least bit as visually memorable as its predecessor.
the powers of the ghouls
their unconventional, weird powers from the old movies are realistic: they mirror themselves as monsters, and embrace that individuality. making their powers (or even giving powers: why did laguna need super speed again?) more stereotypical and generic takes away from the message of being your ‘freaky self’. why cant cleo’s superpower be thats shes super rich and an intimidating diva WHY does she need to tie people up with bandages– ???
the drastic clampdown on characters + their significant changes
everyone had a character they could relate to. it was easy to switch up you current favourite and play around with all sorts of different scenarios and backgrounds. it also turns your audience against you: mattel removed so much representation/inclusivity (even though there are issues with racial stereotypes, but that is a post for another time), which is one of the key pillars of the entire franchise. not to mention that a large portion of the guy characters (which i would generally like more of) are gone/replaced…
why… why give clawdeen a male romantic interest (who adds nothing to the story). why goddamnit
i dont mind moanica d’kay as an antagonist, but…
i have to admit that it took me a while before she was a zombie and not a vampire (but the terrifying implications of her being able to turn normies into zombies is pretty cool). but having toralei walk around in the background like she isn’t an iconic character in the franchise feels… weird. why would you not use her character and have an awesome team-up of villains??? (+so monica is not the only villain again in the second movie) = wasted potential EVERYWHERE
also the zomboyz are boring af
the change in aesthetic: to hyper modern and minimalistic
i like the grungy, unconventional style of the older monster high movies. sure, the animation is definitely cleaner and more beautiful in the reboot and the monsters do look closer to 16 (however, im really not a fan of making animated characters look younger to fit their ‘age group’ (*cough cough* barbie), especially since most of the fanbase is older now anyway and would love a more mature approach), but it feels more generic and the bright neon highlights/absence of spookiness really don’t do it for me. it feels like theres no theme connecting all these different factors.
some plot that makes me go?
where is frankenstein and did he leave frankie by herself??
i think the ari being able to turn solid and human is a bit of a stretch? why is she even considered a ghost then if ghosts can just live normally among humans? (even though i assume she doesn’t age) it is a fun plot point though ngl even though im hella salty that they replaced catty noir, an iconic poc, with a british white girl…
(i do acknowledge the massive plot holes in the other monster high movies as well. but don’t fuck up your own lore pls)
these are my thoughts so far maybe ill add more to this later idk
feel free to add anything or contradict me, i would love to hear other opinions :DDD
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A Not So Happy Anniversary
Title: A Not So Happy Anniversary
Pairing: Reader/Harry
Word Count: 3,151
Warning: SMUT SMUT SMUT
Summary: You and Harry have a long distance relationship. When Harry messes up and misses your three year anniversary, you confront him face to face.
Author’s Note: Ladies and gents, it feels good to be back. My inbox is open to requests. Let me know what you think!
You were furious with him.
Completely and utterly furious with him.
He had done this to you a million times, you always had forgiven him and moved on. But this? This was definitely something you couldn’t let go.
Both you and Harry had been dating for three years now, not a moment did you regret the decision to date the famous "wroetoshaw" on YouTube. You would be the first one to admit that his fanbase and everything that came with being labeled as his girlfriend terrified you but Harry made it worth it. Thankfully, the both of you had managed to keep your relationship away from the public. Fans not in your personal lives eliminated any unnecessary stress you both didn’t need. You were happy, he was happy. You guys barely fought. But that was about to change tonight.
Harry lived in two places: Guernsey and London. He traveled back between the two constantly which always made you a little bit upset. You understood why he'd want to live in London, of course you did. When you had gone out there with him, even you struggled to leave London once your time was up. A mix of the city life and the fact most of Harry’s friends lived there - it was a no brainer.
But being stranded in Guernsey while Harry was away in London had been the first major roadblock in your relationship. There would be long amounts of time that Harry would be in London, leaving you by yourself at home and missing your boyfriend. He'd always come back eventually and apologize in a shower of kisses. You couldn't help yourself but forgive him but this was too far now.
You stormed off back inside your small little flat, flipping off any guys that whistled at you in your short, black mini-dress while doing so. You had decided to get dressed up since tonight was a pretty big deal - the three year milestone with Harry. Your anniversary was today, something that you had reminded Harry about for two weeks. He promised over and over again that he would be home on time for your anniversary and that he'd meet you at your favorite restaurant for a romantic meal. Long story short, you had been sitting at the table for two hours with no sign of Harry. He'd let you down.
You burst through the front door of your flat, throwing your heels off to the floor and locking the door with both locks. At least that way, Harry couldn't get in if he got there in the morning. You sniffled, feeling yourself now start to get upset more than angry. How could he do this? He promised. You’d always forgiven him for being late to come home before but this just felt like a slap in the face.
A second later, you were at the fridge - taking out a bottle of wine and taking a swig from it. You knew it was stupid to try and numb the pain with alcohol, it would only leave you feeling like shit in the morning. You shook your head and put the bottle away, deciding to just go to bed and forget about Harry until the morning.
It was about half an hour later when you had finally gone to bed, wearing one of Harry’s t-shirts and sweats. You were scrolling through Twitter to see if Harry had written anything yet no tweets came up for today. You were a little concerned at that but once you remembered just why you were angry with them, any feelings of being concerned were out the window. You turned off your phone and placed it on your side table - not being able to avoid the framed photo of you and Harry sitting there. At the sight of it, you quickly turned off your lamp and went to sleep.
-
"Y/N, Y/N. Baby, wake up." You felt yourself being shaken out of your dream, your name being repeated over and over again. Eventually, your dream of a happy anniversary slipped away and your eyes fluttered open.
You saw a dark figure over you in the bed, causing you to scream out. The figure put his hand over your mouth, trying to reach over to turn on the light as you struggled against his hand. "Babe! Stop! It's me! Harry!" He exclaimed in a loud whisper, turning on the dim lamp light to reveal himself.
You calmed down as soon as you realized it was him, shoving him off you and sitting up in the bed. "For fuck sake Harry, you can't just hover over me in pitch darkness at-" You looked over at the time. "2:30 in the fucking morning!"
"How the hell did you get in here anyway? I locked the front door with both locks." You grumbled, crossing as arms as Harry raised an eyebrow
"Yeah, I noticed that. I had to climb up a floor outside and get in through your window." He motioned the open window before shooting you an amused look. "I told you that you needed to lock your windows."
"And you need to take the hint when I don’t want you in the flat." You grumbled, before grabbing one of your pillows and throwing it at him. "Harold, leave. I don't want to fucking talk to you or even look at you right now."
"C’mon babe, don’t be like that. I know you missed me." He joked, only making the situation worse in pure Harry style. How the hell could he be making jokes and not even acknowledge how badly he had messed up? You just glared at him, shoving him off the edge of your bed and laying back down. "Go to the couch - we’ll talk in the morning when you’re actually ready to have a serious conversation.”
"Baby, come on. I'm joking." He cooed as you just ignored him and tried to go back to sleep. Harry bit his lip and sat back on the bed again next to you, watching your body turn away from him. He took the peaceful moment to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear before running a finger down your arm softly.
"Harry, I’ll seriously do something I’ll regret if you don’t get out and give me some space." You seethed, though Harry didn't budge.
"Your threats don't make you scary, babe. You're like a hamster." He teased before he decided to get serious - he knew you'd really kick him out of the flat if he kept pulling jokes as such. "Look I'm sorry, okay?"
"Sorry for what, Harry? Missing our anniversary, maybe? Maybe promising you'd be home yet you didn't come back on time. Really? I always let it go but you crossed a fucking line this time." You shot back at him.
"My flight got delayed, okay?" Harry admitted in defeat. "The plane was having engine failure so we couldn't take off in time. I had to sit on that plane for ages, I only just landed an hour ago." He said, leaning down to kiss your shoulder. "I'm really sorry that I missed our dinner. I'll make it up to you, okay? Please don't be angry with me. It’s not my fault that Gatwick is proper shit."
"No Harry, I will be angry at you." You said annoyed, still refusing to turn your body towards him. "Okay fair enough, your flight got pushed back far. But you could've come back to Guernsey days ago so you wouldn't miss our anniversary or maybe actually spend some time with me - but no. You're too busy partying it up in London with all your friends and all the girls that probably want to sleep with you the first chance they get. I know there’s gonna be one day where you just don’t come back to Guernsey for me and that’ll be the end of us."
"Babe, where is all this coming from? You know when we started dating that I said I’d be travelling back and forth." Harry frowned, knowing your anger was coming from something more than him missing dinner tonight. He hated to see you aggravated over this topic. Especially when all his friends knew just how much he loved you and how loyal he was. He knew that you weren’t exactly the biggest fan of the amount of female attention he received online. He understood that. But it did bother him seeing you truly believe that he’d never come back home to you one day. “What makes you think I’d ever do anything like that to you?”
"I’m just scared, Harry." You whispered back at him. "I'm very scared of what could happen while you're in London while I'm stuck here." You closed your eyes and tried to block everything out. Until you felt him turn you on your back. You opened your eyes slowly to look up at Harry hovering over you. You felt your heart skip a beat looking up at him in the dim light. Even when you were upset and mad with him, he still had the power to take your breath away.
"You're mad, you know that? Absolutely crazy." Harry stated, leaning down to place a kiss on your forehead. "You think I'd get bored of you? Seriously? Take a look in the fucking mirror, Y/N." He teased you before he returned to neutral. “Whatever I’ve done to make you believe any of what you just said? I’m so sorry, babe. The last three years I’ve had with you have been the best of my life. I would never violate you like that.”
“You know I also work in London too - doing all the Sidemen shoots and videos. I’m building that brand more and more to make sure that I can always come home whenever I want. I’m doing it so that we can live comfortably, that I can take you on holidays and help you pay for this place while I’m away. Never once have I been in London and not missed you, Y/N. I know I’m definitely far from perfect but I won’t let you think that I don’t love you. Cause I do, so fucking much.”
He leaned down and placed kisses down the side of your face - pressing a quick peck on your lips before moving down to your neck.
"I fucking hate you sometimes." You insulted, gasping when you felt him leave love bites on the certain spot on your neck that drove you crazy. You snaked a hand into his hair when he did so, feeling yourself wanting him more rather than wanting to punch him back to London.
"I sincerely doubt that you hate me right now." He said in a cocky tone, pulling his head back to admire the hickies he had left on your neck and smirking down at you.
"Shut the fuck up." You growled, grabbing his fistful of his jumper and pulling his face back down to yours. You slammed your lips back against his, the whole action coming from both anger at him missing your anniversary dinner and lust at the same time. You knew there was love in your actions as well but you were more focused on other things at hand.
Harry did a pretty good job at keeping up with the pace of your lips against his, deepening it and taking the moment to nip at your bottom lip. You moaned softly at that before your hands were underneath his clothes, practically ripping them off him and throwing them off to the side. He did the same with you, the both of you continuing to keep your lips together almost like it was a form of life source.
It wasn't long before the couple were now fully naked, Harry's body pressing against yours as you made out. Something about his skin pressed against yours always gave you a funny feeling in your stomach - such a warm and safe feeling. You knew that you loved this boy after three years of dating, you only hoped you'd be able to communicate that through this.
Harry pulled back after a while, leaning over to the bedside table to retrieve a condom while you placed kisses along his neck. You made sure to leave your own marks on his skin. He grabbed one quickly enough and groaned at your hickies, pulling himself off to you long enough to roll the condom onto himself. You felt your eyes gleam at the sight of your fit boyfriend in his most vulnerable state. You completely understood why she got so jealous of him being away from you - he was such a gorgeous boy.
Your boyfriend was back on you a second later, continuing to make-out with you again as he settled himself between your legs. You wrapped your legs around his waist to keep him close, eventually both of you pulling away for air. There were no words uttered between the two, speaking with your eyes and facial expressions. The rough lust and anger had faded away now to a soft kindness and love that you felt whenever you were near Harry. You smiled at him as he returned the favor before pushing into you without another second wasted.
"Oh!" You moaned, leaning your head back against the pillows as he did so. It had been awhile for you both, having been ages since he was last home. You had definitely missed this. "Harry," You breathed out as he let out a long sigh, getting used to the feeling of being back inside you before he started to set a pace. “Feel so good around me, baby. Fuck I missed you.”
"Harry," You moaned louder this time, going up in volume the faster he went. "Harder, baby." You urged him on, hearing a type of groan and growl leave from his lips. He buried his face into your neck as he continued to thrust faster, leaving more hickies on the other side of your neck.
"Oh fuck yes." He grunted against your skin, his words only bringing back that fluttery feeling in your stomach. "My gorgeous girlfriend. Even when you’re angry at me, you’re still so fucking hot.” He whispered, lifting his head up from your neck to look at you in the eyes while he fucked you. “No-one can have you, you hear me? You're mine." He whispered, taking one of his hands to wrap around your neck. Not too tight but enough to send your mind spiraling.
"Oh fuck Harry!" You cried out at this, your hands going straight to his shoulders. You dug your fingernails into his skin, dragging them down his pale back as you struggled to get your words out. "You're mine, Lewis. You're mine and I'm yours." You choked out, gasping and moaning out a version of his name at every thrust.
"Damn right." He growled, eventually turning you both over so you were on top of him. He kept control despite the change in position, angling his hips up and holding your hips to keep you steady. He kept doing that for a while, just smirking at hearing the porn-worthy noises that came past your lips. That smirk wiped away however when he felt his thrusts starting to falter, Harry coming closer and closer to his orgasm just like you.
"Oh baby, I'm so close." You whispered, clutching onto him as she felt her high nearing. Harry only smirked at this, trying to go as fast as he could in that moment. He sat up from the mattress, keeping a hold on your hips. He kissed you, "Go on baby, come for me. I wanna hear you." He growled against your lips. That was your breaking point.
"Harry!" You practically screamed, reaching orgasm. It was incredible the types of orgasms Harry gave to you, they always left you speechless and shaking. You heard strangled groans of your name come from Harry, feeling him reach his orgasm too. You kept rocking your hips against his as you both worked each other through your orgasms - eventually stopping when Harry pulled out. He collapsed down onto the mattress, bringing you down with him and holding you against him.
You were left a panting mess, resting against Harry’s body and your head on his chest. All that could be heard was your and Harry's panting, both of your eyes closed to take in what just happened before Harry motioned you to look at him.
"You still mad at me?" Harry asked sweetly after a while, “I don’t know how you could be after that.”
"Oh shut up." You rolled your eyes playfully, enjoying his laughter before you pecked his lips.
"Still - I still think something needs to change, Harry." You admitted, gaining Harold's attention. "I mean... I... I love you, I do. And I want to be with you. But you’re in London constantly. I can’t even travel to see you that often because of university. If I’m just barely going to see you, I can't deal with that. I need a compromise."
Harry thought about what you said for a moment, placing a small kiss to your forehead. "You're right. I will admit that I love London more than Guernsey but I love you more than anything." He admitted to you, nothing left but love filling his beautifully colored eyes of his. "So let's fix the problem. When you graduate from uni, come back to London with me."
"What?" You asked, confused.
"Come back with me to London, move in with me and Cal. We never have to be apart that way." He cooed. "I can talk to the guys about letting me come back to Guernsey every couple weeks or so to see you more rather than what I have been doing until you finish school. But when you finish, I want you to move out to London to stay with me permanently. I want to have you there for everything. None of this long distance bullshit. Especially if it’s making you doubt me. I want you with me. To prove to you that you never had anything to be scared about.”
It was definitely a lot for you to take in, moving from your small little town to the big city of the UK. You were nervous about thinking of starting a life there but as you looked at Harry and saw that future involved him - it became a no brainer.
"We'll talk about it properly in the morning, okay? For now, let’s get some sleep. Especially since you gotta make up for missing today." You said softly with a smile, pecking his lips before laying your head back on his chest.
"So after the morning sex?" Harry teased, making you roll your eyes and hitting him with the nearest pillow as his laughter vibrated throughout the whole flat.
Yep. London sounded pretty good.
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