#me crying at the little things the story point out about art and storytelling

[ladsofsorrow24]

reading Look Back be like

[needfantasticstories]

“Many places I have been

Many sorrows I have seen

But I don't regret

Nor will I forget

All who took that road with me”

-The Last Goodbye by Billy Boyd

This is an Adjuration by @not-freyja, after 86 chapters, 300k words, and 10 months of joy, laughter, tears, heartbreak and love, has finally reached its end. 

Adjuration is a tragedy that is nothing short of an act of love. That much is clear in the passion and dedication put towards the story, the characters, and the message Freyja is trying to convey. This fic will teach you about love. About death. About the inevitability of existence and why despite knowing it will all come to an end, there is still meaning in trying and hoping and loving each other. In loving yourself. You will laugh, you will cry, you will hope and you will despair as you read this story, but you will not be able to put it down.

It’s hard to say goodbye to something that has been so important to and loved by so many people. So we won’t. Instead, we will say thank you for this incredible journey and the community this fic has built. For the friendships that have been made and the endless inspiration you have given us. Thank you for wanting to tell a story, and for letting us join you around the campfire to listen.

Thank you.

(If you like Linked Universe and haven’t yet read Adjuration, see below for spoiler free reviews of this fic and artist credits.)

This is an Adjuration is the kind of story you fall in love with, the kind of story you think keep thinking about long after you put it down. The kind you keep finding hidden details in after you think you’ve got it figured out. 

The characters are distinct and people with their own voices, motivations, relationships and histories. You’ll have your favourites but love them all. They influence how you’ll see the characters in everything else. 

It’s full of moments where everything clicks and everything before is recontextualised in a way that’s so satisfying and make the whole story very re-readable. A time travel story where all loops are already closed, where you can know but not yet understand what will happen. It’s long, complex, and beautifully, meticulously planned and detailed. It’s clever and considered, funny and heartbreaking. 

A story that whispers ‘it matters’ over and over. It is worth it to love, it is worth it if it doesn’t last forever, it is worth it to give someone a little more time, it is worth it to fight. It’s about loving others and your world and finding grace for yourself. 

It’s loss and tragedy and the cruelness of fate. It is the sacrifice and the breaking. 

Full of heart to both fill yours and break it in the best possible way. 

It’s about love. Always.

By @toyouhellohowareyou

Sometimes, it’s hard to explain to others why art moves us.

I could tell you This is an Adjuration will make you cry, laugh, and sit at the edge of your seat in anticipation. And it’s probably true - I did all of that as I read, often with a coffee in one hand, early in the morning as I got ready for the day. 

But that’s not the reason why I’m writing this.

The real reason is how it followed me during the rest of the day.

You see, at a certain point I realized this isn’t a story about Links going on adventures. Well, it does feature Links, and they do go on adventures, so let’s talk about that for a minute.

The first thing that caught my attention about this book was the characters. Each individual is unique, interesting, and exciting to follow. Not only are the Links individually compelling, but one thing that stands out in Adjuration is how the relationship between each Hero and their own worlds matter, and these connections shift, evolve, break and grow as the plot progresses.

Freyja does an incredible job of bringing together impactful storytelling with humor and heart. This is an Adjuration starts with an interesting premise, and then twists and turns in directions you wouldn’t expect. It’s rich in thought-provoking moments, soft joy and intense action, blended in with carefully crafted time travel and magic.

Adjuration sucked me into the world it builds, combining believable characters with fascinating stories, an unnervingly devious antagonist, plot twists, and lovingly crafted details that slip unnoticed until you’re surrounded on all sides. It made me cheer for characters I feel as if I’ve known intimately for years, made me worry for their safety as I would for that of a loved one, kept me hunting for hints and hidden references, pulling on a thread to try to find the end only for it to twist and loop into itself and show me a completely new side to the story.

Yes, This is an Adjuration is a fanfiction piece that explores the winding river flow of the Legend of Zelda timeline and how the stories of each Hero merge into each other. It also stands out for its heavy emotional content, and it doesn’t shy away from angst and hurt.

But to me, Adjuration is an epic journey that taught me how the choices we make, make us in turn. It’s a tragedy that deals with pain and healing, and it bares naked the non-linear nature of grief. It’s a celebration of the things that make us unique, of our flaws, an essay of the impact of little acts of love. Indeed, it’s a story about love.

I can tell you now, This is an Adjuration moved me. It still does. It has a special way to surface in my mind in unexpected ways at seemingly random times, from something as simple as tossing an apple core, to watching a lightning storm in the distance, or finding a picture of an old friend.

And every time, without fail, it makes me think about love.

By @sunny-porridge

This is an Adjuration is a wonderfully and beautifully crafted story about love, loss, and choice as the various incarnations of Link come together and travel through time. Freyja seamlessly weaves a tapestry of setup and payoff across different timelines and loops, in the best-constructed time travel plot I’ve ever seen on page or screen. Even at its surface, Adjuration is an emotional rollercoaster involving tragedy and the soft moments that make that tragedy worth it. But the deeper you look, the more meaning you can pull from every chapter of this amazing work. This work has made me cry, squeal with delight, and think more deeply about its themes all while having an absolute blast reading it. So in summary: READ IT. READ IT. READ IT NOW. YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT.

By @life-in-winter

While I love that every chapter is emotionally enthralling, with carefully woven, visceral tension you crave in any good story, yet Adjuration is more than that, and you feel it in the careful weave of each character and plot point. Nothing is lost or unanswered. It's the kind of story that, by the end, makes you stop and take a hard look at your own life. Are you appreciating the now? Are you savoring joy? Are you so wrapped up in fear that you can hardly take care of yourself? Do you know who you are?

This story is more like an external experience. It's riding atop a tsunami. How do you handle that ride, Link?

There aren't enough words to describe how amazing this fic is.

@needfantasticstories

Artist credit

Legend: @gia-d

Hyrule: @bittirsweeteer

Time: @toonblade

Sky: @noorahqar

Warriors: @whitewinterstar

Wild: @weavingstarlight

Twilight: @bluury2

Wind: @thewitchdoctor39

Four: @lunaopus

Red: @peepthatbish

Blue: @glowingmin

Green: @winterfen

Vio: @waterfallstream

Shadow: @deleetrix

Wolfie: @linkiscool333

Fierce Deity: @awildsilver

Ravio: @lele5429

Malon: @tooner-tastic

Dink: @passerinesoncaffeine

[fanaticsnail]

I watched the Storyteller version of Sapsorrow and knew it sounded familiar! I read "The Magic Fish" by Trung Le Nguyen. It's a graphic novel about a young Vietnamese boy struggling to come out to his friends and parents, particularly because they're immigrants and he feels they might not understand. His mother and him bond over fairy tales and there are three main tales in the novel that are used thematically, the first is Tattercoats (i.e; Sapsorrow), the second is a Vietnamese story Tâm Cám, and the third is the little mermaid. The Tattercoats story is a little different than the Sapsorrow Storyteller version or your version, but the art is beautiful I seriously recommend the book from the art alone (and if not the art, the Vietnamese fairy tale is kind of like Cinderella at the beginning but so interesting and full of plot twists).

I have to thank you for introducing me to Storyteller though, I'm gonna have fun looking at all their other retellings.

Oh my goodness, I know The Magic Fish! I haven't read that one in years!! Thank you for reminding me it exists, sweet snail. I adore it.

Of the Storyteller Series (1988), I have littered some of the plot points in several others.

Remember Me: (Shanks x Bride!Reader), I had "the true bride" in mind. Particularly her apprehension at having her hair touched. In the story in that case, it was a promise to not let another person kiss their cheek - in mine it was a sweep of the hair.

Drawing inspiration from things that impact your heart is so much fun. Makes it all the more real, in my humble opinion.

There are only nine episodes: (All are linked to YouTube for ease)

The Soldier and Death

Fearnot

The Luck Child

A Story Short

Hans My Hedgehog

The Three Ravens

Sapsorrow

The Heartless Giant

The True Bride

I would honestly love to write an OP fic for each of these.

Soldier and Death - Zoro He traps death, now unable to die. He has lived his life to the fullest, but death is the only thing that truly fears him. Reader is the reaper, ordered by Death to not claim him. Fearnot - Luffy He's just a sunshine boy who has never been frightened a day in his life. He wants to experience fear. Just once. The Luck Child - Buggy He is a failing forward king, as the usual. Circumstances demand his death, he continues to thrive. A Story Short - Usopp He has to perform a series of storytelling adventures and present them towards the court for a hundred days. On the hundredth day, he has come up with nothing. What will he do? Hans My Hedgehog - Corazon He will only reveal himself to his wife at night, cursed as a monster within the hours of daylight. She wants to break him of this curse, but has no knowledge to help him. The Three Ravens - Sanji Just imagine Sanji desperately crying out for his love to grace him with the sound of her voice, begging her to say something to aid in her defence - bound to the stake and threatened with death if she does not speak. Ahhhhh. Screaming. Sapsorrow - The one I'm actively working on with Mihawk The Heartless Giant - Doflamingo Speaks for itself, truly. He just is. I could also do this for Sir Crocodile, if I wasn't too busy shipping him with @empressofmankind's Shivs. The True Bride - Already partially did for Shanks. I would love to visit this trope again for him though. Have him be the one with amnesia trope.

Honestly, I would love to do this as a massive moot fairytale collaborative au.

@since-im-already-here - what say you, sis? You reckon I've got the characters and the prompts down for each series?

@gingernut1314, do you know this jim henson series? You want to take a crack at one of them?

@writingmysanity - go on. I know you want to do the Corazon. You so, so want to do the Corazon.

@sordidmusings 👀 c'mon now. Romance, pining. Angst. All that good stuff, dear.

@feral-artistry, you've even already drawn some puppets. You know you want to....

[yorshie]

Me skipping unto your inbox for the ask game thing ⛷️

B H I N R T U

Stuck it under a read more line cuz it got LONG lol. thank you for asking, nonnie!

B- hmm... while none of my fics are directly inspired by personal experiences, the emotions behind a few of them are. I like using writing as therapy sometimes, a safe place to get out an emotion so i can process it appropriately

H- i would call it just shy of a run on sentence lol, with a lot of emphasis on using faces and hands as vehicles to cue the correct emotions in readers. I know i was really inspired by ET Hoffman's short stories when i got into college and really started to play with writing stories. I wanted something that flowed like water, something close to emotional poetry. Every now and then i have a fic that i tilt my head at and go "oooo yea i barfed all over that" lol, but i do enjoy the process of seeing how much scenery or description i can shove into a scene before it gets tedious to read.

I - Me? A guilty pleasure in fic? hahahaha noooooooo. *sweats* ....... i mean, the list is a little long.... but if i was going to admit to anything in a general sense, I might admit to a fondness for soulmate fics.....

N - hm.... no? I mean, i'm comfortable with my current wips and my plans for them, and i know exactly how i want them handled. As for fics I wish other's would write, I don't think it's an exaggeration to say i start vibrating with excitement anytime my friends float a new fic (or art)idea. They are all so talented, and while there is a list I'm eyeing at the dinner table like a starving raccoon, i know how much work going into creating a fic. I am patient lol, but I'm always ready to pounce on new story or cheer them on.

R - Oh gosh.... hm.... shootybangbang (not tagging because i technically don't talk to them) really inspired me in my red dead time because we were covering some similar subject matter at the same time. @desceros infected me with hand appreciation and I've noticed sometimes i word things in a manner they might, definitely feel a little more prone to poetry after i read their work. ET Hoffman for sure, his short stories were a big influence, probably because i read The Golden Pot while having the Flu. If we go back to my werewolf boyfriend days probably Lora Leigh. And just general inspiration and influence that helps me get my stories out i have to add the whole turtle fam. Best people to have in your corner.

T - Hm.... one sided fights. I don't really like it when one character does Everything wrong and the "reader" just sits there and takes it or cries. I think everyone has a natural breaking point, where you turn around and bite back, and sense i have a pretty big bite back tendency, lol, i end up doing that meme 'when Y/N does something i would never do'. Cuz I'd even take Big Blue down a peg or two if he decided to be a little shit. And I don't really like the connotation that someone might actually "care" for someone and do that, yell at them while they cry. I don't like yelling, i don't like fighting really, but I really don't like just taking it. So that bleeds over i guess.

U - 3? Just 3??? I am sorry nonnie but there are so many. I cannot play favorites and risk leaving someone out. just to name a few of tmnt writers whose stories i read: @desceros @gbao3 @justalotoffanfiction @fuckedupcleric @friggysblog @thejudiciousneurotic @luckycharms1701 @tmnt-tychou @oozedninjas @tinkabelle24 @damniteggs @avery73 and so much more but I feel strange tagging them because i don't technically speak to them. As to why I like them so much, it's because they're telling stories! that in itself is wonderful! I can't stress how much I just love wonderful storytelling! Adding @khayalli and @hitwiththetmnt because even though they are artists primarily, they are telling stories with their art! *looking around* gosh there's so many people. And I'm sure I've forgotten someone. I'm gonna feel horrible about that. Just know if I've ever commented/kudos/reblogged, etc, I loved your stories and art.

[syncogon]

misc thoughts fresh off finishing yumi and the nightmare painter: 

* i should’ve taken my time reading this ahaha. books definitely hit different when savored and on larger screen/pages

- there were some tropes i didn’t like here, like painter pretending to yumi to be all cooler and more heroic than he actually was = cringe when it comes falling down. at least that part was relatively short. but like digging a hole with your lies ughhhhhhh hate that hate misunderstandings hate people not believing you when you tell the truth 

- was not convinced to care about the side characters. they didn’t really get any development. i wasn’t even sold on the old friend group being friends with each other - their banter wasn’t that good, and I’m sensitive to this kinda thing atm since I’m in my own struggle of writing convincing and interesting friend group interactions - nor were they written particularly compellingly as individuals. akane was kind but that was about it. i love the sleepless as a concept and masaka was great but she really came out of nowhere to help. and liyun could have used more development 

- speaking of masaka this is a hot take as a cosmere fan but i think there’s a point where the cosmere references get too much and detract from the story at hand. felt that a bit with lost metal, at times with tress, and definitely here. 

- hoid’s narration - i thought it fine in tress, suited the fairytale storytelling tone, but his comments felt kind of more annoying and distracting and out of place in this one. at least he had an actual role in tress...

+ the twist was very cool, big fan, i was totally misled, but 

- the reveal was... the fact that what happened was so complicated that it needed SUCH a big exposition dump, i was not a fan. like im grateful to hoid that he knew i was confused. but it shouldn’t have been so confusing, there had to have been a better and more elegant way to present what happened 

- and im still a little confused about what we saw of yumi’s world was real 

- also like who were the actual aliens they encountered lmao we’re just moving right along

+ so i was ready to throw hands when i saw “epilogue”. and then “another epilogue” ahaha. to be fair that sad ending was still a good ending itself but god i would’ve been so upset hahaha

+ the ending made me feel things. almost eked out some tears. such a good ending overall.

+ the art ahhhhhhhhh so pretty. def my fav artist / artwork of the four (i’m just a big fan of this kind of aesthetic. traditional korea + futuristic japan) 

- though i was a little disappointed with the cover. not sure why. the pure outlines don’t stand out very well and the text font/color... idk... 

* for some reason i thought that the colors being cyan and magenta meant that there’d be significance in the missing third color yellow or lime or smth. i thought there was a WoB or smth. oh well 

* are maipon sticks actually any different from chopsticks. why not just also call them chopsticks. 

- i think the preview chapters gave me expectation that there’d be a bit more with their respective magics and worldbuilding which were so cool and i wish we saw more of that, b/c that kind of stuff interests me more. top tier aesthetics for these worlds. but i guess this was always supposed to be more “inward” and more focused on the romance... 

- i think i didn’t find yumi or painter super likable on a personal / personality level either. this is kind of a me thing though. i know they’re supposed to be Like That with their backgrounds, histories etc. i suspect i’d appreciate them more on reread.

- oh yeah and i want to know more about the other yoki hijo too! 

+ this is a pretty focused book even if i do want to know more. i can respect that. like how this was a lifeswap not a bodyswap, allows for keeping the focus on the story he wants to tell 

+ will admit it was super funny that painter was seen as yumi but yumi was still just seen as herself 

+ was gonna cry at the introduction of the Machine to replace Art. but then it was like, maybe it’s worth it if it saves any other girls from suffering the - abuse, basically - that yumi had to go through? but in the end the Machine is unequivocally the evil here 

+ i do love yumi Stacking Things whenever stressed ahaha

this sounds like a lot of negative points but those are more interesting to talk about and those are what come to mind quickly esp since i’m just pulling thoughts out very quickly and haphazardly here. to some extent the good parts go without saying and id appreciate them more on (a slower) reread and tbh i might make a follow up post as i think more on this. i think i was just a little disappointed bc i came in with really high expectations... ah well. still a good book overall, and i want to give it a reread to better understand and catch some things. i think my current ranking is tress > yumi > frugal 

but im gonna hit post for now to forcibly stop myself from adding more

[celepom]

Five Things You Never Get Tired of Writing

@birdbrainedinsomnia

Oooh, heck yeah!!! Hello!!

1. Hurt/comfort is my bread and butter (especially when there's an enemies to lovers trope braided in). It does not even have to be anything truly dark, but writing a sprinkle of light comfort after a tiny hurt gives me comfort, and I know that that notion extends to some of my subscribers as well. We're like a pack of tiny birds. All huddling together to share warmth in the wind.

2. Horror, with a bit mystery, is the parsley on my buttered bread. I love when the vibe is slow and steady and everything reveals itself page after slow, tedious page. The tension building with each. Dread creeping up on you as you go. And then- Boo! Absolute chaos as the story reaches its climax.

3. Tooth-rotting fluff. I want cuddles, forehead kisses, low tender reassurances shared between each little 'I love you's that the characters breathe out. And if it's mixed with a little hurt/comfort on the side? *Chef's kiss*

4. Elaborate landscapes. And costumes. And settings. And vibes. I live for making everything overly detailed, really, to the point where some of it gets an almost dreamy quality to it. Uh, and feathers! And pearls! Shiny things! Yep. (I'm not a magpie, I swear)

5. Politics in a fantasy setting. Civil unrest. Crime! -and then dealing with the consequences of that.

Tagging: @sylphidine (My rotg motherduck! (No pressure to fill this))

@celepom (I know we're not in the same fandom anymore, but I'll never forget checking the Lazytown tag, to see your drawings everytime a new chapter, in the fic we both subscribed to, dropped. Also, I'm generally curious to see how you'd fill this one out (no pressure though))

Awwww, that means a lot that my art was anticipated as much as the writing of others. I was inspired by them, and I’m glad I could add to the enjoyment of their work with my art.

As for what I like to write...

1. Jokes - I like playing with words in ways that are fun and tend to make people laugh. Which is odd, because I don’t usually seek out straight-comedy-media (outside of comedians). Comedy has to be an additive to the adventure or the narrative. Like seasoning on a meal, I want it to be part of the narrative but not the whole thing, because it can becoming exhausting when there’s too much and it makes the good bits lose their impact.

2. Supernatural/Folklore/Mythology/etc - I love imaging the unnatural and telling stories using what’s come before. Even as a kid, I never really “played house” or other IRL equivalents. I was always delving into worlds of fantasy and becoming something not myself. And that holds true in my writing. While it’s true that your characters always contain parts of you, I often like exploring completely alien perspectives and how something divorced from humanity would think.

3. World Building - If you’re my friend, you know I go hard with world building, to the point where if I find something that breaks everything, I’ll straight-up rewrite the whole story to make it work again. I’ve had friends broach stories with me and immediately jumped into the sandbox with them to help add detail to this world. It’s the little things that breathe life into a world, things that a reader may not notice, but I love working out all the little bits and bobs.

4. FEEEEEEEEEEELS - I love punching my readers in the soul lol. Whether it be fluff, sorrow, angst, horror, I want to make you FEEL Things! It’s all in the “oh.” and even moreso in the “Oh Fuck!” It’s in the moments that make your breath catch, or make you laugh and cry at the same time. If I can make you FEEL, I have succeeded in my objective!

5. Shipping Da Babies - Even though I haven’t had much time for it these past few years, I do love writing scenarios between ships I like. Playing around with pr-established dynamics. It’s based upon what I love most about storytelling, which is characters and their relationship dynamics (and I don’t mean just romantic). I don’t really have a favourite genre of fiction because I ultimately like reading about people and their lives/adventures.

I tag @indigowallbreaker and @teejay-kaye and @dangerouscommiesubversive to keep the Old Lazytown Train Rolling

[languidlotus]

2023 Watchlist

Current Watchlist // 2022 Watchlist // 2021 Watchlist // My Favourites / My Art These are all the dramas I finished in 2023. They might not have been released in 2023, but this is when I watched (and finished) them. (Updated 25/09/2023.) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beware, here be spoilers!!

(Everything is subject to change and just personal opinion. My ratings and opinions don't reflect on the quality of the shows at all. Tastes vary!)

----------------------------------------------- Dramas I finished in 2023. (Alphabetical order.) Number of dramas watched so far: 69

3 Will Be Free (Thai BL)

Final Rating: 7/10 I've heard a lot of good things about this show and I do get it. It's fun and there actually being three people in love is fascinating and awesome. However, I was just...not into the plot. I wanted to see more about them and their relationship, not so much the murder and stuff.

609 Bedtime Story (Thai BL)

Final Rating: 6/10 Much like Oh! My Sunshine Night, this show started out looking like fun and I was curious about how all the issues would resolve, but at the end I didn't much care and was just confused by the choices that were made. And, much like O!MSN, I liked the side couple more than I did the main. Which is unfortunate, because I like Ohm and especially Fluke. Alas.

Alchemy of Souls Season 2: Light and Shadow (Korean Drama)

Final Rating: 9/10 I both liked this season more and less than the first one. I loved the conflict in season 1 more and thought the original actress was amazing, but I enjoyed the plot and character chemistry more in the second. Excellent storytelling, a world I'd love to spend more time in, and some gorgeous, colourful characters. (Also, I got to see Minhyun from NU'EST act in such a big production, which made me happy.)

A League of Nobleman (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 8/10 A story that was a lot of fun and didn't involve any romance. (Well, except for one of the main characters basically having a harem of cute men around him. He was popular as hell!) Had this been a BL, it'd been 10/10 because it involved interesting characters, an interesting plot with lots of puzzles, and gorgeous cinematography. Had they gone with the obvious tension and love between one of the main character and his closest friend, it'd have been perfect.

All the Liquors (Korean BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10

I was really into this drama the first few episodes. It was quirky, the characters had clear motivations (and contrast!) and it was fun. However, at some point it went downhill for me. The restaurant owner went from rigid and set in his way to completely accepting of the initial conflict. He was completely anti-alcohol and his entire life was impacted by it, yet the moment he sees a pretty face he capitulates and now not only accepts it but happily drinks it and serves it in his restaurant. I dislike characters changing their convictions on a whim just because they meet their love interest, especially when it's been established that their family, friends, and the passing of time hadn't been able to change them for a long time. It feels very plot convenient. So, sadly, I didn't feel the same at the end as I did the beginning.

Ameiro Paradox (Japanese BL)

Final Rating: 7.5/10 Really cute little show with an interesting premise and well developed characters. It's short, but cute and I wish it'd been longer. I would have loved seeing these two figure out more mysteries and drama.

A Shoulder to Cry On (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8/10 This show hits all the right spots for me. The characters are well defined, contrast each other nicely, and it's obvious that there are layers to both of them. It's definitely an 'enemies to lovers' drama, though, and one of the main leads is absolutely not likeable at first. I love asshole, broken characters who end up redeemed, though, so it's not an issue for me. However, if bullying and unequal, unfair beginnings to a relationship bother you then maybe skip this!

Bed Friend (Thai BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10 This show surprised me. Initially I thought it would be your average 'friends with benefits turn into something more' story, but it's a lot deeper and darker than that. I love it a lot more than I thought I would, mostly due to the fascinating characters and the ridiculous amounts of chemistry the two leads have. King, especially, just exudes love and green flags. He's exactly what a person as broken as Uea needs. And they're beautiful together. It is very dark, though. So if subjects of abuse and trauma upset you, please be careful about watching this one.

Being Me (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7/10 Very cute and right up my alley. Best friends of many years don't realize they have feelings for each other until a girl and imminent separation force them to. Short, but sweet.

Be My Favorite (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 This show was super cute and told a great story about letting go and not being able to control your life. Kawi wants a lot of things and the time travel device allows him a second (and third and fourth) chance at getting the dream, but he eventually realizes that's not what he needs. I'm not 100% sold on either of the two main actors, but they were cute together and it was an enjoyable watch all the way through.

Between Us (Thai BL)

Final Rating: 9.5/10 One of my absolute favourite pairings got their own show and it was amazing. Well written, well acted, with enough callbacks to UWMA but not relying on it too much. Win and Team continued to be amazing together (as are Boun and Prem) and I was excited for every episode. There were a lot of couples and a bunch of new characters, but I didn't hate it at all and ended up very fond of most of them. (WaanTul own series, when??) The depth to their story and the fact that we've waited years for this made it an even better experience. I'm so happy for everyone involved that it turned out so well. <3

Destined (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 7.5/10 This is a show I didn't expect to love, but I ended up super invested and I binged through the first half like it was nothing. It's actually one which I kept up to date with, which is not something i often manage to do with Chinese dramas. The premise seems common - a woman is forced to marry a womanizer and they eventually fall in love - but the chemistry between the characters is so good and the story has just taken a turn for the dramatic. It's fun and while it dropped it a little towards the end I really enjoyed it.

Destiny Seeker (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 I think it's cute, but also a little confusing at times and not super high quality.

Future (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 Adorable little show. Not groundbreaking, but super, super cute.

Gone With The Rain (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 7.5/10 This was a show I tried watching when it first aired, but gave up after one episode because the main character is so full of herself. (She badmouthed a woman who'd ended up on the street and had to beg for money to feed her kid because 'you should just work harder' and I turned it off immediately.) However, after some gifs and word of mouth, I gave it a second try. It ended up being a fun story, but not necessarily because I liked the romance in it. I don't think they were a good match, honestly. And that's sad, because the premise of their romance sounds super fun. (Woman is in love with upstanding warrior but ends up married to a rogue, who she eventually develops feelings for after loathing him for ages.) Idk. Good, but not as good as I wanted it to be.

Happy Merry Ending (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7/10 I gave it a 7 because it's still good, but this is probably the Korean BL that I was least into. I doubt I'll be going back to rewatch it. It's just...meh. Fun enough to watch, but not enough to fangirl over it.

Heroes (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 9.5/10 Gosh, this drama was painful. I had kind of been spoiled about one of the main characters dying and it was very clear from episode one that another was going to die too, but it still hurt. Excellent drama with great characters and a lot of tearjerker moments. The only reason this is not a 10/10 for me is that I thought the 'powerful evil guy does evil shit behind the scenes' plot was a little weak and that I'd like to have seen more episodes of them developing the brotherhood between the two male leads and big brother Su Mengzhen. That way I would have cried even harder.

HIStory5: Love in the Future (Taiwanese BL)

Final Rating: 6.5/10 Messy, messy, messy. Fun couples with good chemistry, but holy shit the plotline was all over the place. I was waiting for the angst of one of the main characters having to decide between love or family, but that was fixed neatly by the family member already being dead and next to no attention being paid to it. The couples are fun, but don't expect expert storytelling.

Hit Bite Love (Thai BL)

Final rating: 5.5/10 It was a confusing, disjointed show for me. Like many, I was mainly there for Burger and King. They had great chemistry and a nice story, but the rest of the show I wasn't really into. It felt off beat to me, but that could also be because I eventually just fast forwarded to the Burger and King stuff.

House of Stars (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6/10 This show is such a mess. And I'm not just talking about the subtitles. It reminds me a little of War of Y, but a little more confusing in writing and acting. (And subtitling. Did I mention the subtitles are a pain sometimes? They are. Some characters have had like 10 different names according to them.) I was kind of curious to see where it went, though, and I actually liked the Gun character. That actor did his best and is one of the shining lights of the show for me. Also, the messy Korn/Pawin relationship was fun to follow along to. I kind of gave up trying to keep track of what was happening, though, so I'm not sure if the final episode was an actual ending or a sign that there'll be a season 2.

Individual Circumstances (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8/10 A very soft, well produced show about close friends who are torn apart by misunderstandings and feelings they don't think are returned. Which leads to one of them running away. (2023 is full of shows like that, for some reason?) I am a sucker for 'longtime friends eventually realize there's more there than friendship' and 'angst leads to longtime separation', so this drama was perfect for me.

Island Part 2 (Korean Drama)

Final rating: 7.5/10 I felt a little disappointed by this drama, because the plot and characters had such potential and the first few episodes had me very excited. Unfortunately it didn't quite reach up to the potential I saw. It's well shot, the cgi is great, and still really fun, but not quite what I had in mind. It might be because I didn't find the main male lead very interesting and I questioned his chemistry with the female lead. It's hard to enjoy a show that banks on the starcrossed lovers theme when you don't really feel like there's anything there. Still fun and nice wordbuilding, though!

I Will Knock You (Thai BL)

Final Rating: 7.5/10 Look, this drama is silly and takes a while to actually BL, but it's so cute and I warmed up to this pairing gradually but strongly. At first it may seem overly weird, but in the end it was worth it for me. They were super cute.

Jack o' Frost (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 Holy shit, this show hurts. In a good way, though. It perfectly showcases how painful relationships can be when both parties don't communicate and consider each other's feelings. And what can happen when these things aren't fixed. And then, just after they break up, one of them loses their memories and they're given a second chance at falling in love. However, is it really love when one party is clueless and the other lying through his teeth just to keep the person he initially fell in love with?

Jun & Jun (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7/10 Look, it was cute and the leads definitely had chemistry, I just...didn't find one of the main characters all that appealing? And the other main lead had so many guys fawning over him that I got fed up with it. Add that I was super into the second (hinted at) couple that then barely got any time towards the end and was just haphazardly thrown together and... :(

La Pluie (Thai BL)

Final rating: 9/10 This show!!! I was very hesitant going into this, because I'm not huge on soulmates and someone being predetermined for you. (Or predetermined things in general. I hate Chosen Ones for the same reason.) However, this show is so good and unlike some other shows it went just as I hoped it would. The message was that it's not who your soulmate is but who you choose that matters and <3 <3 <3. Tien, my boy. He's so good and he's suffered so much, but eventually he got what he deserved and it was a blessing.

Laws of Attraction (Thai BL)

Final rating: 8/10 Really good show with a fun plot and the main leads definitely have chemistry. (But we already knew that.) The only reason that it didn't pass the 8 mark for me is that I thought they could have had more and longer animosity between them. Their begrudging attraction was fun. I think the show was a little short to put all that in.

Love Between Fairy and Devil (Chinese Drama)

Final Rating: 7/10 Gorgeous story with gorgeous characters, a great plot, and very good cgi. I absolutely loved some parts of it - especially some characters, such as RongHua and ChangHeng - and would definitely have rated it much, much higher if that wasn't countered by some characters I absolutely didn't like. Orchid was way too obnoxious and clueless for me to handle in the beginning and I really had to power through. Also, the secondary couple didn't do it for me. Probably because I couldn't stand JieLi. The stories in my head are 10/10, though. The world itself is worth revisiting.

Love Class Season 2 (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7/10

Super, super cute. The only reason I have it listed so low is that I wasn't feeling one of the main actors and so was stuck fastforwarding through one third of the show.

Love Syndrome III (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6/10 This show is a fucking mess. From the storyline to the messed up relationships (plural!), the characters being terrible friends, and the amnesia plot, I was just stuck skipping huge chunks of every episode just to say I finished it. I like Lee Longshi as an actor, but this was just not the show. For him or anyone else.

Love Tractor (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8/10 For a show that started out feeling like it was going to include murder - what was that first introduction?! - it's incredibly adorable. It's a feel good show with beautiful scenery and beautiful men. And our little (well, big, his shoulders are huge) farmer boy is the cutest. I always felt happy after watching episodes, so I'm sad that it's done.

Low Frequency (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 Look, I really liked the premise and thought the first episode was cute, but I just couldn't really get into it later on. I didn't really see the chemistry between the two main leads once they got together and while the plot was fun I didn't like the execution. I also didn't really see where/when/how Mon fell for Thames.

Marry My Dead Body (Taiwanese Movie)

Final rating: 7/10 An amazing premise, but the slapstick/humour side of things just isn't for me. Still fun and touching and it made me sad, but it didn't live up to what I had in my head.

Midnight Museum (Thai Drama)

Final rating: 7/10 It's fun, combines my love of fantasy with suspense, mystery, and otherworldly characters, and has fascinating characters. (With actors who have a lot of chemistry.) It feels like a BL but isn't 100% confirmed to be one and has lots of funny cameos by various GMMTV actors.

Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 7/10 I hate having to rate it this low, because I loved the first season and was really into the second season and then... They added an amnesia plot that completely halted any progress Minato had made. (Only for them to 'makes it easy!' fix it in a few minutes and give him yet another way out later on.) We're back where we were at the start. At least the secondary couple remained cute throughout.

Moonlight Chicken (Thai BL)

Final rating: 10/10 This is one of the few dramas I'd confidently give a 10 out of 10 to. EarthMix are always a comfort pairing for me and they definitely delivered here, as did the entire cast. The show felt rich, comfortable, and had plenty of layers. As an older queer person, it resonated with me a lot. Jim, with his painful, difficult past, felt very relatable. It was great to see his walls come down throughout the show. The excellent side pairing of Heart and LiMing also provided a hopeful, positive, and sweet iteration of (a first) queer love. Apart from the cast, the show was well written and beautiful to look at. Worth checking out!

My Blessing (Thai BL)

Final rating: 4.5/10 I very recently watched this and already don't remember most of what happened. I know it's low budget and I should give it some slack for that, but it just felt...all over the place and confusing. Meeting a supposed angel who turns out to be your one true love sounds like fun, but I just wasn't into it?

My Journey to You (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 7/10

Beautifully shot and acted with some compelling characters and a really exciting premise. Unfortunately I just ended up predominantly into the secondary characters. The mains did next to nothing for me. The main female character was badass but mostly just there, speaking quietly and completely forgiven for being a spy and assassin there to kill them all (through the power of love). (Which somehow spread to everyone around the main character too? They trusted her just because she got his dick hard? Idk man.) And then you have the main male character, who became leader through a fluke and just made the wrong decisions and was a completely incompetent leader throughout the entire show, yet was somehow redeemed in the last few episodes and loved by all? Over the dedicated, qualified, competent older cousin/brother? The poison brothers were right all along, is all I'm saying.

My School President (Thai BL)

Final Rating: 9/10 Such a cute and charming drama. You'd think that a high school romance story would be overdone and boring by now, but MSP shows that if done well it's still amazing. The main pair is adorable and the side characters diverse. Definitely worth watching. Only negative is not enough TiwPor.

Mysterious Lotus Casebook (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 10/10 Congratulations to Mysterious Lotus Casebook for making it to my very limited list of shows I think are worth 10/10. Excellent storytelling, great riddles, beautiful scenes and people, and a huge amount of engaging, fun characters that I grew to love. That ending was painful yet super fitting and just open ended enough that all the characters I adore can live on happily inside my heart and mind. (And no one can convince me that this entire show is not one huge love story, even if China would never.)

Naked Dinner (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 7/10 The premise is so weird, lmao. And towards the middle and end the premise about him eating naked doesn't even feature into anything. However, the actor playing Mahiro remains adorable and great (I went into this super excited because I remembered him from Cherry Magic) and the story is cute.

Never Let Me Go (Thai BL)

Final Rating: 6/10 As much as I wanted to love this show, I just...didn't. The premise was good and I really enjoyed the first few episodes, but then the hype just...died out. I'm not sure if this was due to me not vibing with the actors or the story, but I just...didn't love it. I spent most of the time wishing we'd get back to Chopper and Ben, whom I did like. It's a shame.

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble (Taiwanese Drama)

Final rating: 8.5/10 I'd heard a lot of good things about this drama and I get why. It has interesting characters, a good plot, and some really nice stories being told. I think I'd watch a second season if they made one.

Our Dating Sim (Korean BL)

Final Rating: 8/10 This is everything I want in a fluffy, light, fun show. Best friends who develop feelings, but then misunderstand each other and don't see each other again for years, only to reunite and finally realize they feel the same way. It's simple, but it's my kind of angsty happy ending and I love it!

Our Skyy 2 (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 Had this just been the Bad Buddy x ATOTS crossover, it'd received much higher, but unfortunately I wasn't super into some of the shows or scenarios they presented for the other ones. Like I've said before, I'm not usually into established pairings, so I have to have a really strong connection to them or enjoy the storyline/drama that ensues. Also, Pawin's character in the Star in my Mind episodes deserved a romance. (I felt like they hinted at it with Typhoon and then it didn't happen? I was so sad! XD)

Rak Diao (Thai BL)

Final rating: 6.5/10 The writing is silly, the laugh track obnoxious, and one of the main leads is the most obnoxious individual I've ever met. If it hadn't been for my headcanons being so good, I probably wouldn't have been able to finish it.

Remember Me (Thai BL)

Final Rating: 6.5/10 This show was such a shame. I was super excited about the first episodes. They were amazing and the show felt comfortable. It felt like things were going somewhere and I was especially fond of the pairing of Em and Name. A boy who didn't speak, but who had a friend who didn't care and understood him completely. Boys who would eventually realize it was not just friendship, but something more. I was so ready for all that. And then they completely ruined both that friendship and how they handled Name. I almost felt personally insulted with how that was done. He doesn't speak, but if you guilt trip him hard enough by ignoring him he'll talk and eventually even thank his mother for her treatment of him? Nah, fuck off. Such a waste. :(

Sing My Crush (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8/10 I went into this knowing nothing about this show, because I just randomly stumbled upon it when all episodes were already out. It's super, super cute and hits all my favourite 'friends find out there's more to their relationship than just friendship' tropes. Not particularly original, but still super cute and worth a watch.

Star Struck (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7/10 The premise was, once again, friends realize there's something more. Complete with the 'one realizes their feelings first and pulls back in fear the other will notice' scenario. Sadly, there have been better shows that told the exact same story this year. Still cute, though.

Stay by My Side (Taiwanese BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10

Is it the best acted series ever? No. Is it a little slow paced and clearly low budget? Yes. Is it adorable as hell? HELL YES. They're cuties and this was cute.

Stay With Me (Chinese BL/Bromance)

Final rating: 7.5/10 Look, this story is a lovestory, okay. Don't tell Chinese censors. It's such a good story and they main characters are so sweet. I really hope we get a second season.

Step By Step (Thai BL)

Current rating: 7.5/10 A great show with great representation, great conversations about queerness (in the bl industry), and actual mature characters. (And immature ones, but that's Jaab's charm.) It's so good! Look, I have to admit neither of the main characters are 100% my type, but they're fun and the fact that the older, stoic one is the one breaking down because of feelings is just amazing. He cried in his baby brother's arms!! I want more shows like this, even if it's not 100% for me. (It is for about 75% though, lol.) My only gripe is that they seemed to completely give up on the Jaab/Jane relationship towards the end? What happened there??

The Blood of Youth (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 10/10 One of the few shows I've given a 10/10 to. This show gripped me from the very beginning and unlike most Chinese dramas, I never felt like fast forwarding through scenes. (Chinese dramas are long, okay.) All the characters were distinct, gorgeous, and had very clear convictions. The main character was interesting and his relationships with the other characters seemed genuine. Also, some of the side characters were amazing. I especially loved the jade diety and the main character's oldest brother. Watch this if you're into adventure, subterfuge, and colourful, amazing characters.

The Day I Loved You (Pinoy BL)

Final Rating: 7.5/10 Super, super cute. I saw it compared to Heartstopper and I totally get what they mean. I binged this and enjoyed it immensely.

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korean BL)

Final Rating: 7.5/10 I think if given a bit more time and meat to it, this BL could have been everything I like in a drama. It could have been a perfect blend of fantasy, historical drama, and BL. As it was, it wasn't given more than 10 episodes but it was still really cute and I enjoyed it.

The Eighth Sense (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10 Wow, was this show a ride. It started out dark and gritty and real and continued that way throughout the show. Excellent storytelling and chemistry with some painful backstories and some equally painful episodes. The ending was mostly satisfying and one of hope, though. I could have done without the one dimensional, jealous, conniving female antagonist, though Also, warning, if things like depression and death upset you then please be careful about watching this.

The Journey of Chong Zi (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 7/10

This drama got a lot of criticism and I feel conflicted about that. On the one hand, I get it. The main actress tries very hard but doesn't quite live up to the setting (and her co-stars) and it is quite annoying that every man who so much as looks at her falls in love with her, but on the other hand I enjoyed the story, the broken male love interest, and pretty much all of the (evil) side characters.

The main male lead starts out as a beacon of righteousness. A rolemodel and leader of the good side. But gradually you start to realize that the good side has just as much evil and subterfuge in it as the demon side does and that the main male lead isn't this paradigm of light either.

Throughout the story he unravels and breaks and turns into quite the dark, fascinating character. (Even if the show doesn't always portray him as such? I think they still see him as in the right at all times.)

Apart from that, the show has some amazing side characters. (Especially the ones by fan favourites Li DaiKun, Gao Han, and Wang ZhouCheng.) And they're all stunning to look at.

The Legend of Anle (Chinese Drama)

Final rating: 9/10 Holy shit. Not only does this show have Dilraba as the main actress, you have Gongjun and Liu Yuning to back her up? I'm in heaven! Add to that a badass female character with a fun plot - so far - and lots of scheming and I'm sold. This show had several relationships that broke my heart - LinLang, AnNing, you both deserved better!! - and while it's a happy ending overall I thought about the pain and those characters for a long time after.

The Luminous Solution (Thai BL)

Final rating: 5/10 This show isn't for me. I finished it because I might as well finish, but I wasn't into it at all and as a result I felt confused and skipped sections I didn't care about. It was supposed to be somewhat supernatural or something? I just...didn't care enough to pay much attention to it. I'm sorry.

The New Employee (Korean BL)

Final Rating: 7/10 Cute and set in an office. Included queer representation and a main character who is older yet new to dating and romance. It was a fun watch. Nothing spectacular, but still cute.

The Warp Effect (Thai Drama/BL)

Final Rating: 7/10 I wasn't as hyped about this show as a lot of people were - I thought it was a bit messy and all over the place - but I can't deny that it had great diversity and representation. I may have skipped some scenes, but most of the pairings were great together and the chemistry great.

The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity (Chinese Movie)

Final rating: 9/10 A really good movie and a really good love story. (That wasn't explicitly written as a love story because, lol, China.) Excellent plot, characters, cgi, and actors. Everything was beautiful and while some of it went too quick and was too obvious (because of time constraints) I still really enjoyed this.

Till The End Of The Moon (Chinese Drama)

Initially this was everything I like in a show. Painful, tortured characters with equally sad storylines who eventually (hopefully?) have a happy ending. The worlds they inhabit are stunning, so is the cgi, and every single character is beautiful. Look, if you have Bai Lu and Leo Lu as your main actors you can't go wrong. (Also, how gorgeous are Sun Zhen Ni as Pian Ran and Deng Wei as Xao Lin? I'm way too bisexual for this show, I swear!) Could have done without the show killing off so many of my favourite characters, though. (Some repeatedly.) Also, towards the end the show becomes a little repetitive in the 'they are forced apart and have to reconcile again' sense. (And you might want to pretend episode 35 is the last.) Current rating: 8.5/10

Tin Tem Jai (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10 Look, is this a very good show? No. It's a bit all over the place and a bit (a lot) silly and the actors try very hard but it's not always enough. It's a mess and I shouldn't enjoy it. However, I just love the kind of pining that the main character does. (Even though that's not really portrayed in the show, as he's always happy and smiley.) How painful is it when everyone knows how you feel about your crush and you've made it so very clear, yet he doesn't feel the same way and barely even acknowledges it? Tin is just tragic to me, okay. He's silly and loud and very obvious, but realistically speaking it must be painful to not even be considered. He's literally called 'son' or 'kid' by the person he's in love with, who he's always around, and everyone knows. It's an open secret. It's probably going to turn out even messier and end up a terrible show, but in my head the storylines and characters are good, at least? Edit: it ended up messier and Park out of nowhere realized he has feelings for the guy he's been turning down for years. But, hey, my headcanons are still great! As is the side couple!

Tokyo in April is... (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 6/10 Going in I assumed this would be a cute, feelgood stories about estranged friends reconnecting and finding out they liked each other all along, but it turned a lot darker. Sadly I'm not as into it as I thought I would be. Be careful about dark, triggering subjects, my friends!

Unintentional Love Story (Korean BL)

Final rating: 8.5/10 Such a fun, eventually heartwarming story. You could see the two main characters fall in love - one aware of it, the other completely oblivious - from the very first episode and it was both exhilarating and painful because you knew about the secret one of them was carrying around with him. This is everything I like in my Korean BLs and it was just lovely. And, hey, if they want a second season the secondary couple is right there! That's the only thing I missed about this show, a clear resolution for them. (And maybe a kiss?)

Utsukushii Kare Season 2 (Japanese BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 It was a blessing to see these two characters again. Their unconventional, fascinating relationship is just as good in this season as it was in the first. However, in general this season doesn't live up to the first season for me. It was never going to, though, because I love angst and the struggle of falling in love, not so much the happily ever after. (Not that you could call what they have perfect, of course.) Established relationships aren't my thing. I'm there for the journey, not the destination. (If that makes sense at all.) That doesn't mean this wasn't great, though. The actors have great chemistry and Kiyoi remains one of the most interesting characters out there. (Also, that pout!)

Wedding Plan (Thai BL)

Final rating: 7/10

One of the most unlikable main characters in ages. The only reason the grade is so high is because their chemistry was amazing and the other main character was so cute. They somewhat redeemed Lom towards the end of the show, but not enough to make him anything other than an asshole. Just explain the situation, man, for fuck's sake.

Why R U? (Korean BL)

Final rating: 7.5/10 Really cute show. One or two of the actors were a bit stiff, but other than that it was a cute remake and I really liked the secondary couple. The main couple was fine too, though. <3

[swordbreakerz]

Day 15: time is long

I wrote a love letter about my weird timeline listening to friends at the table that is very rambly and doesn't have much of a point and is a little personal and I'm putting it under a readmore because I'm shy and going to throw my phone into the ocean after this posts

This July marks a full year since I got back into friends at the table. I watched the NNAF stream live, the first day at work since it was my last day (what were they gonna do, fire me?), and the second day at home, half dozing through the first three hours because I wasn't used to being up at 9am on a Monday. The Marielda one shot and stretch reward of a Hieron epilogue finally piqued my interest in that campaign, and I started Autumn in Hieron the next day.

It had been probably a year and a half since I'd listened to any day at that point, back in October 2020 (the 23rd, to be exact, according to my discord DMs) a friend of mine got me interested and I started listening to COUNTER/weight. I blew through it in a couple weeks, finishing it on November 17th, and it has the high honor of being one of the only pieces of media to make me cry after finishing it before I was medicated. I jumped straight into Twilight Mirage, but only made it about halfway before I quit the job I'd been working, and fell off of it, because I'd been using my 8hr shifts to burn through episodes. Despite quitting my job Again just as I was getting back on though, last year it stuck and I caught up with the entire backlog of podcast, including Bluff City, in maybe… four or five months if I remember right? It truly caught me by the throat.

Now, I'm fully caught up and staying on top of weekly releases better, being employed helps so I have a dedicated task to do while listening. It's become a regular fixture of my life and I've been thinking about voices defining a time in your life, and how summer 2022 will forever be my summer of friends at the table. The friends were my constant companion, I listened to the least amount of music that year than I maybe ever have, my spotify wrapped minutes on music were dwarfed by the nearly ~700 hours of podcast (spotify is easier to binge with at work, and I like stats).

This podcast reignited my creativity and drive after an art slump and brought me closer with one of my cherished friends, it taught me things about storytelling and political theory, it forced me to process old grief while sobbing for two hours straight after finishing Marielda. I could probably keep going, but being vulnerable makes me want to dig a very deep hole and lie in it forever, and honestly if any of the cast does see this I think I might die if I put anything too personal in it.

I'm not sure where the point I was leading to went. This podcast is like a reliable clock (hah) to me. It's my Friday work treat when seasons are live, Animal Out of Context can lull me to sleep in less than 30 minutes, Orbital made me laugh so hard I nearly cried in front of my coworker. Having something become such a north star in your life, especially something close to the ground like this, is fun and weird and scary all at the same time. I went from barely paying attention to ttrpg news to The PBTA Guy in my friendgroup in a matter of months. I still cry if I think about The Chime or Hella or Maelgwyn or Fero or Lem too hard. I'm getting a tattoo based on C/W at some point for gods sake.

Anyway. It's amazing how time and passion can worm it's way into your heart. Keep telling stories, keep loving eachother, I'm going to go dig a deep hole now, mwah

[kvetchaeg]

Detective _____ and the Search for Ennis

The other day, I came home from work and realized I did not know where I was.

I wasn’t lost. I had made it home as normal. I knew the street and the unit number, recognized all the furniture, all art on the walls. I knew the dishes stacked up by the sink and heap of mail on the landing pad addressed to me, and to Denis, and to various prior occupants. I knew where I was in the world. What I could not find was me. Where had I gone? This was where I was, so by all accounts I should have been there. And yet, no such luck.

I paced from room to room, opening windows, turning off the AC. I sat at my desk, at the kitchen bar, laid down on the couch, on the bed. I pulled out art supplies, books to read, games to play. I made a list of correspondence that needed tending to, tasks needing completion. I put my hands on every hobby and responsibility in my home.

I could do none of it. Felt none of it.

It was the strangest thing, like I had opened up a compartment in my chest and emptied everything out, so that all that remained was an irregular lightness.

I sat down on the kitchen floor and found I did not even want to cry. So unlike the listless, lethargic numbness of prior depressions. I wasn’t lacking in energy or direction. Had plenty of both, really. It was more like I’d lost my sticking power. I could identify my hobbies, my pleasures, the things that bring my life meaning and fulfillment—and I could do them! I had no trouble getting on my feet and going through motions. But when I reached out and put my hand on them, it was as if nothing was there. Because I was not there.

Where was I? Where was I? What do I do without me?

Banchan, unable to walk on the hard tile of the kitchen, laid at its boundary and meowed for me, and I did not, as customary, meow back at him. I realized that I had no desire even to pick him up, and that frightened me enough that I did nearly cry for a moment. Nearly.

I stood. I resolved to find myself, to fix all this. I took out the big plastic bin in my brain full of all the things I love and popped off the lid, knelt rooting around in the miscellany. I was a detective, vacant and impersonal, but single-minded in my pursuit of this missing person. What did I know about this Ennis? What sort of things could they reliably be found doing?

Playing games, yes. Making art, yes. But these were things I could not do. Play and creativity were places I could not go, kingdoms I did not have entry to. That was a startling thought, too. I do not have memories prior to the point at which I started drawing. My tenure as artist began before memory kicks in, my elders all having stories of little-me with crayon in hand from a time farther back than I can recall. To stand in my home, in my own damn free time, and not know how to tell a story or doodle some happy foolishness was unmooring. Wherever I had gone, I had gone far.

I decided to cook. Denis would be home in an hour or two, and whatever else was true, we would need to eat dinner. It was a practical thing, and though my love for cooking is not as old as my love for games or storytelling, it is nearly as fundamental. A fine place to start looking.

I had no desire to eat (unusual), and therefore source of direction. My stomach-North Star had absconded with the rest of me. No matter, though. I was an expert on these Ennis-things, and thus consulted my record of favorite cuisine (Korean) and favorite genre (baked goods). I inventoried which appliances and niche cookware hadn’t seen use in a while and took stock of what groceries there were to work with. I settled on jjinppang, stuffed with onions, garlic, eggplant, Impossible ground beef. Gochujang and rice syrup, maybe sesame.

I got the dough proofing, felt nothing. Diced the onion and the eggplant, felt nothing. I turned on the radio, nothing. Warm golden light from the falling sun sent the house glowing, the birds and the bugsong throwing in with the soul FM. Nothing.

When Denis arrived home, he cheered about the music and food that filled the air before he even finished setting down his backpack and kicking off his shoes. I felt no pleasure in the loveliness I had created, but took his happiness as a sign I was on the right path. This way. This is the kind of place Ennis likes to go.

He asked me about my day, and because I was not myself, I did not feel my self’s usual urge to feign normalcy. I was honest. I am impracticed with speaking honestly about my emotions. The deeper the sorrow, the less I prefer to say. Let it stay down there, is my thinking. Don’t let it up here, where it’ll kill the atmosphere. If it doesn’t involve or impact them, why poison their day with it? Don’t let it ruin the moment. Let it stay down there. So I was honest, but faltering and ineloquent. He tried to speak sympathetically, to acknowledge and encourage and give advice where he saw space for it, but I could not explain to him the vastness of what I was experiencing, what I was not experiencing. The way I spoke, I must have simply seemed tired; worn down by a long, bad day.

He came to pull me into a hug.

When my partner hugs me, it is supposed to be a rush of joy and relief and safe-feeling. It is the most certain, reliable, foolproof way I know of melting into dopamine. A hug cannot fix a bad day, or cure a broken heart, or heal a wound. It is not a catholicon, but it is a reprieve always. A small, sacred moment of feathery confidence, unbound from the world and its woes, like floater airtime.

I felt his arms go around me, pull me into his warmth.

This was the loss that sent me, finally, into tears. If this did not feel like happiness, then I had gone very far away, indeed.

And what if I never came back? What if this was what it was to be, forever? Where would I go? What would I do? How would I pass the long hours? Who would want my unfeeling company, unenthused and uninterested? Whose company would I want, if not Denis’s?

I whimpered and shook pitifully in his arms, feeling something at last but reclaiming no relief in the sensation of sensation. The only feeling I could hold inside of me was the dim, grim mantle of shame falling over my back, like a shawl slid between his skin and mine; a dividing and distancing that folded over me where ardor ought to have. Shame, for how little his touch moved me.

When the buns were finished steaming, we sat down in silence and I forced myself to eat. It tasted good, and at that dim and simple acknowledgment, somewhere deep and far away, I sensed a faint twinkle of happiness flicker on in the empty dark sky. Not near enough to feel, but near enough to know that it was still out there. I felt passive and disinterested, but I marked the pride duly, taking it as good sign, and boxed up my leftovers.

Unable to feign enthusiasm for any further any-thing, we retreated to bed. I pulled Denis toward me. I did not long for his touch any more than I had standing in the kitchen, but I was cognizant of the fact that his hands on my body, like eating, is good for me.

In the morning, I woke up in bed and realized I did not know where I was. This was no longer a surprise, though.

I rose, drank coffee, kissed Denis goodbye as he set off to go kayaking with his mom (“Are you sure you don’t want to come? There will be a waterfall.” “Yes, yes, I’m sure”). I hoisted the last of the bags into his arms, bade him text me when he got there, then turned to face down my crime scene.

I spent the day hunting: I studied a little. I drew a bit. I made sweets for a party I had no desire to attend. I tidied some, pet my cats when they passed near. I wrote this. Now there is quinoa simmering, broccoli and veggie sausage crisping in the cast-iron. Denis is home. We will eat food, sit together, and play a game.

I still don’t feel any pleasure or interest, but I realize now that neither do I feel any fear. I had been so focused on the missing good, I had failed to notice the missing bad. There’s no looming dread, no guilt of things not-done. No stress. No anxiety. No melancholy. It seems when I left that I took all the bad with the good, and I suppose there is something enjoyable about the peace that I feel. It is a vacant, empty sort of peace, something I doubt could be healthy—but it is peace nonetheless.

Maybe that’s all this is. Maybe I haven’t gone anywhere after all. Maybe the crazing vase just finally fractured, bottom bottomed-out and all the everything it had hardly held within simply, woosh. It could it hold no more. All the death, all the sorrow, all the failure and fear and frustration—let it all fall away and let the flowers out fall with it. Maybe it just needed to break and be empty a while; feel the unburdened thinness of what it is to be hollow. Maybe this is just the heart’s way of saying, too much. That’s too much. I can’t hold all of that. I am just one little vase.

I am happy, now, to say that this emptiness has passed. I came back to myself somewhere in the third day, slow but steady. Some passing amusement in a game; the pleasure of a purring cat; honey-lavender tea; his hand on my back, making slow circles. Slow but steady, slow but steady.

I am holding my little vase carefully now, wary of what all must go in. Little earthenware-heart, you have so much heat to bear! So much sorrow to stew, fear steaming off in thick coils. It is unavoidable. It is life, the burning eye, and the mess of your self the meal making. We are all eventual food, all oxidizing, all bound for the earth or the oven. We have no say of the flame, of fate. But we have some say of what manner of meal we make of ourself. What goes in the pot? How much can we make it hold? How much of our own choosing can we add or take out? Slow and steady, slow and steady. Let’s not boil over or break before the feasting hour, before the dinner bell tolls.

[talenlee]

Game Pile: Planetfall (Kinda)

Planetfall (But Bioshock Infinite, Really)

Watch this video on YouTube

Script and thumbnail below the fold!

What you’re looking at here is footage, such as it is, of the game Planetfall. Planetfall is a text adventure game from 1983, written by Steve Meretzky, and published by the company Infocom. It was available on the Apple II, Atari 8-bit family, the TRS-80 and the IBM PC compatible, which included MS-DOS. Planetfall is a hundred and twenty kilobytes, which is to say, it is about a third of the size of the preview thumbnail file you clicked on to look at this video, which probably didn’t mention Planetfall at all.

Planetfall is an old game, old as balls. It is at this point, forty-one years old. It was made to run on a computer whose entire processing capacity is, to the device screening this, ‘negligible.’

It is also one of the first games to make me cry, when I played it, as a child.

Planetfall is about being a space janitor, eh, eh, yeah, like, if you know you know, but the point is, your space ship crashes, and you find yourself stuck on the planet Resida. You have to use your wits and a stupid amount of trial and error gameplay to construct some form of escape before the planet you’re stuck on blows up, or something like that. While exploring the ruins, you meet Floyd. Floyd is a cute, stupid, helpful little robot that follows you around and provides commentary.

Also, to win the game, you have to ask Floyd to sacrifice his life.

Here’s the passage, in full.

Floyd staggers to the ground, dropping the mini card. He is badly torn apart, with loose wires and broken circuits everywhere. Oil flows from his lubrication system. He obviously has only moments to live.

You drop to your knees and cradle Floyd’s head in your lap. Floyd looks up at his friend with half-open eyes. “Floyd did it… got card. Floyd a good friend, huh?”

Quietly, you sing Floyd’s favourite song, the Ballad of the Starcrossed Miner:

O, they ruled the solar system, Near ten thousand years before In their single starcrossed scoutships Mining asteroids, spinning lore,

Then one true courageous miner Spied a spaceship from the stars Boarded he that alien liner Out beyond the orb of Mars

Yes that ship was filled with danger Mighty monsters barred his way Yet he solved the alien myst’ries Mining quite a lode that day

O, they ruled the solar system Near ten thousand years before ‘Til one brave advent’rous spirit Brought that mighty ship to shore

As you finish the last verse, Floyd smiles with contentment, and then his eyes close, as his head rolls to one side. You sit in silence for a moment, in memory of a brave friend who gave his life so that you might live.

I played this game when I was a child, yes, but this passage, where Floyd is okay, and your path forward is only possible if Floyd commits to a course of dangerous action, and then he comes back, and he dies and you have to accept that is deeply affecting. It is a storytelling choice in which your agency is part of the course of story and that you could choose to not do it but you do choose to do it.

Right?

I didn’t.

I never finished Planetfall.

As a kid, I got to this point, I saw this happen, I quit the game and I ran away from ever playing more because of the deeply affecting experience of having a game make me an agent in that kind of moral quandrary, to not just make a sacrifice but to ask someone else to make that sacrifice. It is a good, classic piece of storytelling, and being a videogame, it lets the story situate you as an agent within the whole narrative space, to make you feel the way that the character in the game feels it.

Games are capable of giving us these powerful experiences, they are capable of giving us story experiences that elevate us through our agency, and they are, of course, art.

Glad we solved that, good job, 1983, thanks for clearing things up for all the idiots who think this is a complex question.

Right?

We wouldn’t be constantly in a defensive crouch about ‘art’ for, oh, I dunno, the intervening forty years, including multiple really embarrassing ‘citizen kane of videogame’ moments…?

Right?

Of course I’m not talking about Planetfall.

I’m talking about Bioshock Infinite

[]

Bioshock Infinite is a first-person shooter from Irrational Games, published by 2K and continues the ‘universe’ of the Bioshock games. And… for all that I will speak negatively of this game, for all that this whole piece is going to include some very stern criticisms about it and what it says about us, it is in my opinion, a text worth understanding to consider what we were doing, in videogames, in 2013. The Last Of Us, Bioshock Infinite and Grand Theft Auto were three of the most critically appraised games of the year, and all three of them together weren’t pulling in the money of Puzzle & Dragons, in the same year. A microcosm of gaming, I suppose.

With all readings of a complex text, we are not divining a truth from an author but negotiating an explanation with the media.

When I wrote about Bioshock Infinite back in May of 2013, I had just started university and had some fantasy in my mind about my work being a bridge to working in the games industry. James journalism, I imagined, was waiting for me to present an example of what I could do, and so, I wrote about games with the energy of someone trying to reach that sweet spot of irreverent professionalism, discussing games in terms of pros and cons and the inevitable consideration of a consumer.

At the time I did call the game a modern classic, on par with Spec Ops: The Line. I cringe at that a little, because while it’s true, it’s true in the way that you could remove that description from context and leave with the impression that I think that makes it good. It’s absolutely a classic – you can look at it in the context of the games of its time and it serves as an iconic reduction of so many of the elements that make up what it was to be games in that time and that place. It was also a release in that twilight between the attacks on Anita Sarkeesian and the subsequent distributed campaign we now know in hindsight as ‘gamergate.’

It was in this time that Roger Ebert, a famous film critic who elevated criticism as a type of popular media unto itself, passed away, and we got the now-famous CliffyB Tweet (Cliffy B is his own weird spur in the gaming landscape history, responsible in his youth for contributions to the shareware titles Dare to Dream and Jazz Jackrabbit) about how finally, games had attained the rank of art, a thing that lots of people clowned on. On the one hand, that’s funny because it was a silly thing to say, and at the same time, it’s sad because imagine thinking that games weren’t art until we saw Bioshock Infinite arrive on the scene.

And why Bioshock Infinite?

[]

In my first writing about Bioshock Infinite, I think I was giving it a lot of the benefit of the doubt. It was The Prestige Game and I couldn’t just say a game was bad, right? There were all these people who worked on it. There were all these bits that were good. It took a long process of learning what ‘good game’ even meant, and what I meant when I said it, and in the process, I spent that time discovering realising how much worse a game it was than I appreciated at the time. I eventually came to refer to Bioshock Infinite as a ‘shallow game as high watermark.’ That’s reasonable, I think. It was very much a good example of what gaming, at the time, considered The Way Things Should Be. It’s a centralising game. It induces a conversation around itself. It demands focus.

To talk about Bioshock Infinite and about what it tells us about us, and what it means about its sliver of history in time involves talking about the things that make it up, and a bit about the author, inasmuch as that is a thing that exists. In order to talk about how the world was realised, I need to talk about the setting of the game, and in order to talk about the setting of the game, I’m going to talk about the story that that setting is created to tell. That is, it is necessary to know the story to discuss the setting.

Now I could talk about this as if you already know the story but to write in such a way would be to imagine my entire audience is made up of people who have had to play through this game that is both not very good and ten years old, which for some of you means that you spent some of your precious teenage years and early twenties on this game. And thus, for you, I will tell you the story of Bioshock Infinite, so as to talk about the world of that story.

[]

Now let’s speed-run it.

Fade up, we have a dude, on a boat, with voices in his head, as he approaches a lighthouse with weirdoes in a boat. At first you’re not told much about him, which may lead to you thinking that he’s going to be a mystery blank slate like Jack from Bioshock, but then it turns out his name is Booker DeWitt. He’s here to Deliver the Girl, Wipe Away the Debt. To do this, he climbs the lighthouse, gets in a rocket, and goes to a world in the clouds, gets baptised in a scene that got a single weirdo a refund, and wakes up surrounded by Founding Fathers religious imagery.

What he finds is a land of wonder, but get this, turns out that it’s actually bad, and it’s bad because it’s super racist, and then you get apprehended by the racism cops for not being racist enough (because surely you didn’t join in the racism). What follows then is the standard pattern of Bioshock Infinite, of running from setpiece to setpiece, adding single extra elements to your play experience and the story, punctuated with what I’m going to summarise with ‘stuff,’ meaning combat challenges and some key-hunting or resource scrabbling downtime. You have to find The Girl, stuff, so you do, stuff, and it turns out she’s called Elizabeth and she’s also the best, basically a 90s Disney Princess as people wish they could remember them being rather than a Disney Princess as they actually are (don’t go back and watch those movies it’s a disappointment). Stuff, as Elizabeth wants to go to Paris and you want her to go to not-Paris. Stuff, she and you fight, stuff, set pieces showing you the world of Columbia, the capitalism, the slavery, the backstory of Comstock, Daisy Fitzroy, the leader of the resistance in Columbia, all with stuff, stuff, stuff, some more stuff, and then, dun dun dun, Elizabeth and you start exploring parallel versions of Columbia, where things are different, and there, you get to see different takes on the same world. Don’t worry, they’re not very different, you don’t need to take notes, because stuff, stuff, stuff.

In a parallel world, you see another world’s Daisy, and another world’s resistance, and another world’s slave revolt. Stuff happens and you find out get this, that when the slaves overthrow their owners, they shoot at those former owners! They’re mad! And Daisy, it turns out, is bad because of how she was willing to hurt and kill slavers and the children of slavers and also you because it can’t possibly be that a traumatised former slave responds to a world of violence with violence, it’s gotta be sinister!

Stuff.

More stuff.

Elizabeth is traumatised by this alternate reality’s alternate Daisy and her alternate murder of the alternate resistance while they engage in a completely reasonable anti-slavery revolt. While discussing if maybe they should vote for Hillary, the pair make their way back to where they started, while stuff happens around them. Stuff, Elizabeth is captured, stuff, you recover Elizabeth, stuff, and Elizabeth demands you don’t let her be captured again, in one of the more genuinely badass moments of the story that just uhhhh

uhhhh

this was ten years ago so I think there’s a chance that some of you have fetishes for this now, but don’t worry, it’s fine, he’s her dad, it’s fine

That doesn’t make it better actually nope never mind moving on

Anyway, then there’s more stuff, and stuff, and stuff, and you drown Comstock in a birdbath and you rescue Elizabeth one final time I hope there’s no precedent about her being foiled and used for the advancement of the stories of other boring men, but then you fight the Songbird on a boat and you learn the shocking truth that in fact, you, Booker Dewitt, and Zachary Comstock are the same person, and that Elizabeth is your daughter, but I gave that away already. Then you run out of stuff, you no longer have to fight slaves who are trying to tear down the system that enslaved them and the story reveals that because all of these plot points, and all of this stuff is directly attributed to how Booker handled baptism.

One version of him went ‘oh that’s cool’ and became Zachary Comstock, one part didn’t, and turned into a drunken bum. They’re both the same kind of guy, because they are the same guy. What I’m saying is, we’re not so different, you and I. Elizabeth solves this problem by travelling back in time to when Booker was being baptised, and then a dozen of her drown you. And you drown. Then the credits end and you’re fine and you have the baby back. I guess?

That’s what you get when you play Bioshock Infinite, and it’s important to know at every point when I said ‘stuff’, I was describing something boring and tedious.

[]

That’s the story.

That’s the sequence of events.

This story is important to understanding the world, because you need to know that Bioshock Infinite is a world of multiverses. That the reason it has the music and culture it does is because it was stolen. That the aesthetics of its zeppelins-and-gas-tubes alt-history technofantasy are all woven around a type of extradimensional radio-wave form of Sliders fanfiction.

Knowing that the story is about parallel dimensions and alternate timeline versions of yourself, but it’s really about being a dad who gets murdered by his kid, and really it’s about the character Ken Levine as a writer, everything about the world can be broken down into pieces and examined without the need to step around why things are the way they are. Doing so allows an appreciation for some truly breathtaking amounts of craft.

First up, I’m going to admit to my limitations. I don’t know guns, not deeply. Anything I have to say about the guns in Bioshock Infinite is going to be entirely aesthetic opinions and quotes from the Internet Movie Firearm Database. And you know, something of what you come here for is to have that, to have me process information and present it to you in a way that you find immediately interesting. But in the context of that melange of podcasts and questions and reading, I will say that the guns in Bioshock Infinite represent very good bad guns.

That is to say, the guns in Bioshock Infinite are constructed aesthetically to mirror guns of the period and the technology of the time, altered for a host of reasons. They are very competently animated and designed, if, and this is a big if, you’re willing to accept the ways that guns are so very, very often ‘wrong.’ There are common pitfalls for gun design that are in some cases a response to censorship standards (like, properly representing bullets is supposedly challenging across different cultural boundaries), but in a lot of cases these guns are the nexus between ‘don’t care’ and ‘won’t bother.’ Firing pin marks are missing on bullets for example: This is a simple factual mistake, it’s obvious to anyone who knows about them, and a majority of users will never notice or care.

If you’re willing to accept ‘these guns are bad in the way all guns are bad,’ then these are really high quality examples of guns. Effort has been made to make them visually distinct and interesting, to give them strong character, to have their mechanics play into how they move and fire and occupy space on the screen. I can’t tell you about how good the sounds are. I understand all guns in games are fantastically incorrect because they don’t want to represent the protagonist being deaf in three encounters.

[thanks to Doc Destructo for double checking me here]

[]

I’m also not an architecture student. I’m sure with deeper expertise, I could tell you how the landscapes of Americana presented by Bioshock Infinite aren’t properly accurate, aren’t as excellent as they pretend to be. Thus for so many things: The fashion, the style, the instruments available, the animations of the characters and the accents represented, I cannot attest to them as being ‘realistic’ or ‘correct’ but rather I can tell you that they successfully invoke what they strive to.

There is a deep and whole sense of verisimilitude in the designs of this place. So much so that when I first walked through the streets of Columbia, and heard God Only Knows performed by Barber Shop, that I went:

Oh, huh, I guess that song is an old classic that the Beach boys covered.

Which it isn’t. This was so effective at convincing me that I was just being introduced to retro versions of songs with long histories that it wasn’t until I heard Everybody wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears that I finally went:

Hang on they’re doing something here.

This is the world of Bioshock Infinite. It is a world full of considerations of vibes, and those vibes are in many cases immaculately constructed. Lines of dialogue are carefully chosen, and delivered by voice actors who elevate the moment to moment experience of the game. There’s a point where Booker and Liz take a moment aside and sing an old Gospel classic – Will the Circle Be Unbroken? – and it’s

amazing.

It’s not even my favourite voice line in the whole thing! There’s this line too, from Cornelius Slate:

You’re not done here, soldier! Eat everything that’s on your plate! Finish it!

Slate is in this situation throwing a rod because he doesn’t remember Comstock from partaking in a Massacre that Slate was doing! And just to be clear, Cornelius Slate is a dude who sucks! He is a bad dude, and the kind of person who’s mad that Comstock wasn’t a real bastard like he claimed to be. And bear in mind, part of that tension was the possibility that Comstock might be part Native American! Like that’s the levels of racism Slate is on!

But damn if that line ain’t delivered great?

There’s an effort to everything in Bioshock Infinite. Promotional trailers, individual outfit designs, varied wall and surface textures, populated physical locales, painting styles, individualised spaces like the toilets are all done with so much work. Work that you kind of can’t spoof or generate – I mean I’m sure there’s generation that was done, deliberately, but there really is no way around recognising that a lot of people who were very good at what they were doing worked very hard on every single surface of what makes up Bioshock Infinite. It was this quality that left me convinced that the game couldn’t be that bad, right? Like, if I called this work bad, wasn’t I in a way criticising the individualised work under the umbrella of criticising this game.

[]

Thing is, uh…

this game needs criticising.

A year after I played Bioshock Infinite, we got the Burial at Sea downloadable content, and that upset me so much I realised that actually, I could have an opinion on the game, that I could look at Bioshock Infinite as a text and series of texts and it wasn’t an act of cruelty or insensitivity to complain about it. The realisation that in fact, a very expensively made project produced by a large studio with a lot of money and hard work in it could in fact completely suck was a big push for me, on the par with realising that it’s entirely possible that even if I understand someone’s position and know how they got there, that doesn’t mean they couldn’t just be wrong.

I was seeing this as a Serious Game that needed to be taken Seriously, and therefore my criticism had to come in terms of these really specific, narrow places, like I had to try and divine a correct opinion out of the experience. Now I’m much more free to say the story’s pretentious and shit and racist and pretty misogynist, and those aren’t ideas that need explaining from first principle as if everyone is a good faith interlocutor.

There are ideas I have from how games work that I built out of my understanding of Bioshock Infinite! I started using terminology here that I still use somewhat; I referred to the level design as fightboxes, a term I still use to describe the same kind of game design that sees combats as things to break out in arenas. The nature of Bioshock Infinite as a fightbox game isn’t really a mark for or against it; it does make the world feel less whole and real, the way that linear path of the game closes off behind you kind of encourages a speedy pace the game doesn’t do a good job of using. Plus, if the main way you engage with the game is with its little boxes of fighting between cutscenes, it highlights how all those guns are boring.

I definitely had Feelings About Booker. I think part of it was the opening chainsawing of a racism cop, and the very real-feeling way I wanted to run through the game and kill everything to rescue Elizabeth that he echoed. I liked the feeling of being a rundown ramshackle mess of a dude who screwed up, related to violence, and could only think of ways to deploy that violence to the world. It jived with me, what can I say. But what sucks about Booker, by the end, is the realisation that he’s just giving up on his situation: He’s not bothering to get good at that relationship to violence, he’s not understanding what violence is or how it relates to people at large. He isn’t trying to fix things, he’s trying to find some way he can suffer enough to make it all go away.

[]

Somewhere between the release of Bioshock Infinite and now I resolved the idea that I should be kind with energy, and cruel with purpose.

I was buying into myths.

A myth that the people working on games are injured by criticising the game they worked on, because people who made a texture aren’t going to see work they didn’t do a great job on and say: ‘hey, why bring that up,’ as opposed to ‘yep, that’s crunch time for ya.’ A myth that marketing and promotion of a mid shooter was incapable of being built on smoke. A myth that games weren’t doing this kind of thing.

Games have been doing this kind of thing for as long as they’ve been making games. Games are always going to have people trying weird stuff, stuff about expressing ideas that are difficult to express in any other way. The year Bioshock Infinite launched, there were a thousand more interesting art games being made and released and shared and played. Itch.io had already launched in March 2013, there were already whole markets of games being weird and interesting and meta-aware and engaging and artistic.

But they didn’t look like Bioshock Infinite. They weren’t released like it. They weren’t presented and platformed and distributed like a AAA product. The myth was that Bioshock Infinite did a single thing new. Even the ways it sucks are boring and old. It’s not even a new sin, just the same old sins, over and over again! Bioshock Infinite is a game insulated from criticism by an assumption of competence!

I feel bad, reading back to my old Bioshock Infinite writing about how I missed a point that I feel is incredibly obvious to start with, an idea that I now, very much hold to be obviously true: Violence in response to violence is not a bad thing. If you are being oppressed, you do not solve that oppression by not being violent. When the revolution arc of Bioshock Infinite presents the slavers being hunted and killed by their slaves, and tries to frame it as ‘going too far’ I should have realised how obviously stupid that is. Those people were complicit in, participants in, a terrible, dreadful crime, and they have it coming. There’s a safe place for those people and it’s on the side of the revolutionaries fighting against slavers.

There was a forking pair of roads before me, as expressed in Bioshock Infinite opinions, and one of them got more radical and more okay with violence and the other might have kept trying for that Games Journalism job that would vaporise the next time the conservatives got in charge and decided to randomly defund the games industry in this country. The opinions I had about a game that I didn’t dislike that much got worse and worse the further I got from them, the more I formed new opinions, informed by knowing more, and knowing better, and being more honest with myself, and more willing to foreground that honesty about myself.

I think violence is a reasonable response to oppression.

[]

Inasmuch as there is a message of Bioshock Infinite it seems to want to warn against violent resistance to anything. It seems, at its heart of hearts, that this story is about how the second you picked up a gun to do something you were already damaged by the idea and the willingness to do violence, because there was no way that the story could pan out that didn’t go too far, even in the name of toppling a fascist slaver state. It is the white liberal dread of any non-incremental change. It is also, to some extent, also a flawed but idealistic father being killed by his child, which is, I mean it is a trend.

And that story is the problem.

Fundamentally, every part of Bioshock Infinite is made well. The fact that it’s full of boring combat against boring enemies to tell a deeply racist story about how slavery is bad but responding badly to being enslaved is just as bad, that’s not about how any part of it is executed, but instead about how the whole thing is executed. This is the stuff that falls to the task of an individual person to oversee the whole project, a sort of director, or producer, or a creative lead, or a head writer. If the work lacks for that kind of individualising mind that can pull things together consistently, then you can get disjointed material.

Someone, one someone, has to be lined up to say ‘this is the work, I am in charge of it, and I made the choices that make it what it is.’

Bioshock Infinite had that.

It had Ken Levine.

Which means that this game as it happened, with all the work done in all the parts of it, was handled to a dude. That dude should have been able to say ‘wow, this gun combat sucks.’ That dude should have been able to say ‘wow, are we saying that people killing their enslavers are going too far?’ That dude should have been able to say, ‘isn’t this story really bad? Isn’t this really boring and tedious and slow and isn’t it kinda weird to have Booker dress his daughter up sexy?’ And yes. Yes, one guy could have. And nobody could have stopped him.

Which means your options are that he was okay with what it wound up being, or, this was the actual choice he made.

Atoms aren’t red. But every red thing you’ve ever seen is made of atoms. You can make a red thing out of things that aren’t red. This project was made out of exquisitely competent pieces, designed to work by people at the top of their game working as hard as they can. And it sucks. The product absolutely sucks. Bioshock Infinite is a deeply incompetent game made entirely out of exquisitely competent parts. Every single part of how this game works is impressively made, down to having an exciting instigating event of chainsawing one of the racism cops in the face.

These pieces were made by hardworking people grinding away at improving 1% of 1% of things to make them perfect and they were put together by a boob.

Games have been art since before we had the word games. Games are art because they’re made by humans and humans scatter art on everything we do, like the glitter of our civilisation.

There’s a reason Planetfall made me cry.

People will tell you that art is about quality or presentation. These are aesthetic traits, these are nice, they are things you can do. But you don’t need this grandeur, this excess, this bombast to be art. In fact, a game from 1983 has the resonance of art and that negotiated experience in a beautiful way that hits so hard and so different because of what you did in it, and it’s ugly text written by a decent sci-fi author on a screen, and all of the slickness and polish and presentation in Bioshock Infinite just concealed the ways in which that game – which is absolutely art! – sucks shit.

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[aria-i-adagio]

work in progress whenever

Tagged by @atypicalacademic for WIP Whenever. Can't remember if I've posted any of this before, but hoping to work it into chapter 66 or 67. (If I survive returning to the classroom... if...)

***

“Hmm... So something you probably don’t know about Hawke...”

“Oh, Maker, Anders, don’t.”  Hawke groans and lays his head on the table.

Anders laughs and ruffles his hair.  “You don’t even know what I’m going to tell them yet.”

“That’s the terrifying part.”

“So, Varric is not the only novelist in Kirkwall.”

“Well, in a city the size of Kirkwall, I would hope Varric is not the only exemplar of the literary arts," Dorian snarks.

“Hawke is a very fine storyteller.  He and Isabela had this long-running melodrama as quarreling lovers at the Hanged Man.”

“Oh really now?”  Dorian leans forward, folding his hands under his chin.  “Do tell.”

“It starts a little before we actually go on that little Deep Roads Excursion.  So, Isabela will flirt with anyone, but she really does seem to have a type for men.  Muscular, pretty eyes, and not too tall.”  Anders nudges Hawke with his elbow until he lifts his face and feigns a grin.

Rhys chuckles.  He’s well into his cups.  “So, Hawke.”

“Yes.  Hawke.  So, eventually, he lets her down easy with the whole 'I’m sure you’re lovely, but I’m just not a connoisseur of women' speech.”

“There is no way I said anything that suave.”

Anders holds up a single finger.  “Poetic license.  Anyway.  Deep Roads, red lyrium, creepy rock monsters, so on and so forth.  We make it back.  Hawke’s rich.  Or rich-ish, Varric hasn’t fenced all the goods yet.”

He leaves out the part where Hawke ended up in the Hanged Man the same night they returned after his mother had finished screaming at him for losing Bethany, putting away several pitchers of beer with Isabela’s help, and then crying on her sympathetic shoulder until he passed out in her bed.  According to one definition, he had technically slept with Isabela.

“Money, well, you know, Hawke has girls crawling over him whether he likes it or not.”

“And you weren’t much help.”

“That’s beside the point.  So this one night he has three lovely little things just swarming him despite clear signals he's not interested, and Hawke is too nice to tell them to fuck off.  Finally, Isabela struts over, drives her knife into the center of the table, and starts having an absolutely conniption about how Hawke is her man, and she’s going to cut the next bitch -”

“It wasn’t nearly that dramatic.  More of a ‘back off, bitches, now.’”

“Let me tell the story.”

“Okay.  Okay.”  Hawke throws both hands up in the air.  “Go ahead.  I’m eager to hear about my apparent literary genius.”

“Thank you.”  Anders cups his face and kisses Hawke’s forehead.  “That’s the start of it.  From there on, get a few drinks in both of them and it was showtime.  They were either hanging off each other or having the fight of the week.”

“The fight of the week?”

“Ah, yes, alleged infidelities, some important honey-do that Hawke didn't.  Once they actually talked Fenris into a walk-on role - I’m still not sure how - and there was the week Isabela claimed to be pregnant, which actually turned into several weeks of different regulars offering her various - very ill-advised - solutions to the problem.”

“Ugh, why, Anders?  Why?  I had successfully forgotten that entire arc.”

“See, he refers to it as an arc.  I told you - storytelling.”

“Tell me, Hawke -” Dorian’s smile is practically predatory.  “Did you plan out these little stories?”

“Well -”  Hawke leans back in his chair.  “Sometimes.  Usually, we just made it up as we went along.”

“People believed it?”

“Most of the regulars caught on eventually.”

[stxleslyds]

Jason doesn't show up in DC's animated series (though the does "spiritually" show up as Tim Drake in Season 2 of Batman the Animated Series).

Jason has a strong presence in the video games, though. So what is your opinion on Jason's characterization for Arkham Knight? He is a DLC for the Injustice games as well. Judy be warned that I did watch some clips of Arkham Knight and the torture was too gruesome for me.

RED HOOD IN VIDEO GAMES.

Hey there friend, thank you for the ask!

INJUSTICE 2.

I had to do some research on Red Hood’s appearances in the Injustice games because I was never really in touch with that story. Here is what I knew about it, there are two games for PC, one of them is Injustice and the other is Injustice 2, the games also have the comic books that give context/background to the lore of the game.

I used to play Injustice: Gods Among Us on mobile phone, and I had Jason as a playable character there, I also found out way too late that “Nightwing” wasn’t really Dick Grayson, it was Damian because he took on the mantle after he and the rock killed Dick in the comic (forever mad at that ridiculous death and the kinda scary art that comic had).

I looked for information about Red Hood’s backstory in wikis and all that because I refuse to read an alternate universe book written by Tom Taylor, there are things that I am just not willing to do.

All in all, I think that this Jason was in surface level, the same as his canon comic counterpart up until the time of his resurrection. Given that the world was at war and the League of Assassins wasn’t working openly, he and the others had to live in the shadows, he seems to have been trained proficiently by both Batman and the LoA so he is a very hardcore opponent. There are some bits of his story with Damian and a place called Gorilla City that I do not understand because I haven’t read the comics but I am fine without it.

The thing is that this Jason is pretty cool, he sticks to his morals and fights for what he believes is right, he doesn’t look like the kinda guy that takes sides in this war which is probably the best idea. Both Batman and Superman seem to be on the wrong side of history with they ideals.

What I did see and I loved eternally was the ending to Red Hood’s story, I will link the video here! But I will also copy and paste all that he says there because I think it’s really important and where I was able to see more of his characterization.

"That. Felt. Good. Titanium composite hollow point bullets with a C4 kicker. Fastest, most explosive ammo in the world. I made them myself. With the invasion over, Bruce and Superman started fighting again. I wasn't down with either of them. On the one hand, the Regime's right. Scumbag murderers and rapists deserve to die. But on the other hand, I'm no fan of government authority. Especially the dictatorial variety.

So, while the world's finest fight each other, I fight for the people. The weak. The innocent. Anyone who can't protect themselves. When they cry out for a saviour, I'll answer. As for the criminals that threaten them? They need to know that their actions have consequences. That the Red Hood is coming for them.”

This is excellent, I absolutely love this, this Jason knows his morals and doesn’t bow down to anyone and in the end, he is truly a hero to the people that need heroes the most.

Him saying that he believes that some criminals have to die but that he can’t really join Superman’s side because he cannot associate with it because he isn’t a fan of dictatorial ideas, I love this man.

I feel like this is a fair characterization for Jason, I believe that if something along the lines of what happens in Injustice happens in current continuity then Jason wouldn’t join any sides, he wouldn’t be neutral per se but he will fight for his own ideals. And his ideals in most universes are protecting people and I think that’s great. I love to see a world where Jason is seen as more intelligent and put together than the Batman.

Something that I find quite funny and interesting from this game is the dialogues that characters have with each other when they fight, I found this video compilation where you can see all the dialogues between Red Hood vs Robin (Damian Wayne), they are so fun and I love the animations too.

BATMAN: ARKHAM KNIGHT.

Oh, ArkhamVerse Jason, my beloved.

He is, to me, the epitome of this meme.

I have actually watched the whole game playthrough, several times, and Jason had a DLC as the Red Hood for that game (Nightwing has one too and I will talk about it later because I love this version of him). And, yes, the torture scene is very gruesome, it was incredibly sad and it made me feel bad. But I also think that they made it that way so it could support the kind of storytelling they were going for.

The reality is that this Jason suffered his whole life, and was constantly introduced to lifestyles that he never wanted to be part of. The world around this Jason wasn’t kind at all to him and there is a long list of people who did him wrong.

Although ArkhamVerse Jason didn’t die, like his comic counterpart did, he suffered the most. And his suffering really drove him to be the best version of an unhinged Jason Todd. But it’s clear, his brutality and murder intent isn’t laced with his Red Hood persona or at least not on the same level as it is with his Arkham Knight persona.

This Jason’s characterization works to perfection, but it only works that way because he was well developed within the game lore and the comics. This Jason was extremely well trained, he is probably the smartest version of Jason, his mind and his level of preparedness are unparalleled when it comes to other Jason Todd variants (a little MCU Loki talk right there).

I would go as far as to say that this Jason would be an excellent match to peak Dick Grayson from before New 52 in comics. Those two would clash so immensely, but man, it would be one hell of an intellectual and physical fight. Two Kings doing what they do best.

Anyway, for now take my word for how well characterized Jason is in the ArkhamVerse, I will make a post were I deep dive more on his character both in game and comics. There is so much to say about him, he is truly interesting and very complex.

Now, I will be a little cheeky and I will use this ask as an opportunity to talk about my man, ArkhamVerse Nightwing aka Pretty Boy.

I love him so much! In the game when you get to meet him (I will link the video here! it’s five minutes long, and worth the watch) you get to see both Nightwing’s and Dick’s personalities. Nightwing is fun and relaxed, he is a little bit cocky and doesn’t let Batman be a pain in his ass, he is truly a beast. Although he is never seen without the mask in a moment when he is alone with Bruce you can really see Dick’s personality shine through. He obviously has had issues with Bruce in the past but there is also this palpable respect coming from both of them to the other. Bruce wants to protect Dick but he acts like a jerk instead of telling him what is on his mind. Dick wants to help Bruce at all costs, he refuses to leave Gotham until they solve something that he was already working on before Bruce needed his help.

There is also this sort of goodbye scene between the two (I will link it here!) that is extremely sad because Dick doesn’t believe Bruce when he tells him that he is proud of him. Dick cuts him off just when Bruce was trying to open up and I think that scene speaks volumes about how rough their relationship was. Dick never finds out that Bruce was “dying” after being infected with the Joker’s blood/gas, so it’s very bittersweet.

There is also the Nightwing DLC, where we get to see Dick being the best of the best, he is so skilled and funny and smart. It is amazing how much this game made me love their Nightwing even though he doesn’t appear much, his dynamic with Penguin is just perfect, Dick literally makes Penguin’s life very difficult. All of the people working with Penguin kinda fear Dick a little bit, some of them are even impressed by his skills.

Oh and, when Nightwing gets captured at some point in the game, Penguin’s men are saying something along the lines of “I was sure Batman will come in” “how come?” “what’s tied up downstairs and getting the crap beat out of it?” “Oh yeah, Nightwing” and that is so true, if I were Batman, I will also risk my life for Nightwing.

I just love Nightwing, he makes me so happy! He is the best here!

Anyway, enough of me loving Nightwing uncontrollably, I will make a separate post where I only talk about ArkhamVerse Jason so, yeah, be ready for that one because I love that Jason too, he is hot.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Skypiea

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

the bar scene in jaya is one i didn’t really get the first time i read it- like nami, i mostly found luffy and zoro’s refusal to fight back frustrating more than anything else. i didn’t realize the connection to shanks in the prologue until someone else pointed it out awhile later, but when i did, it made me appreciate the entire sequence and luffy’s choices a lot more. 

honestly, i know this is one of the pages that gets the most attention from jaya, and it absolutely deserves it. blackbeard here is effectively dropping one of the biggest main themes of the series- people’s dreams don’t end!!- and how interesting that we get that delivered by the antagonist to the protagonist, instead of the other way around? how often do you see a series do that? 

and the line hits. look at the emphasis. there’s absolutely nothing on these two pages except for the three strawhats, blackbeard, and blackbeard’s line, bigger than anything else. 

chapter 232, with luffy punching out bellamy in one hit is still, to this day, probably my favorite one piece chapter. it opens with the drunk pirate seeing the newspaper with luffy’s hundred million bounty and realizing just who bellamy was kicking around, and it hits on one of my favorite plot threads of one piece- the growing infamy of the strawhats and luffy in particular, and their rise in the world. 

the atmosphere of the whole scene is so good, the tension in their air, the way all the bar patrons jump when luffy yells for bellamy to come out- and when the hit comes, the satisfaction is visceral. 

i’ve talked about it before, but god, i LOVE the way one piece defines “romance”- the arthurian kind of romance, the adventurous kind, that romanticizes the world and its wonders- romance dawn. in an arc as thematically heavy as jaya, it makes sense that it, too, is explicitly brought up. can you think of a more romantic, impossible adventure than traveling to the sky?

nami’s confidence when faced with the task of navigating into the sky is so fantastic. 

the expressions, and the art in general, in skypiea, are really so lovely. look at the variety between the strawhats when they first emerge from the white-white sea to lay eyes on angel island. look how expressive they all are!! i have such a soft place in my heart for the art in these earlier arcs, honestly.

somewhat related to the above: there are so many little moments in skypiea where the strawhats just get to have FUN, and be stupid, and get fleshed out more as characters, and honestly it’s such a delight. also, everyone’s skypiea outfits were just really really good. cowboy hat robin... i miss u every day 

i really like the whole scene where robin is exploring the ruins, and these panels in particular have such a lovely sort of ethereal look to them. i love seeing robin doing archeology, i think for the same reason i love to see sanji cooking- the strawhats are all such cool and passionate people, and it’s really really nice to see them doing and talking about the things they love and excel at most. 

i’m sure i’ve said it before but i LOVE how logia powers are depicted, especially when used to avoid an attack. it’s so cool. ace’s cover story runs through most of this arc, and we get some great examples of it there as well. 

1. wife 

2. skypiea is SUCH a good character-building arc for robin- which is good, because the next saga is almost entirely predicated on how much both the audience and the strawhats care about her. it’s here where we learn about her passion for archeology, her reverence for history, and get a much better look at the softer sides of her personality and her fast-growing admiration and affection for the strawhats. 

man, enel has so many huge, terrifyingly powerful shows of force throughout this arc, but this right here, this little sequence where he appears behind raki between panels without warning and we see him reflected in her eye, communicates better than absolutely anything else just why he’s a nightmare.

“jonny you sure are posting a lot of panels of zoro being cool without any real commentary” yeah. he kicks ass in this arc 

conis is a very underrated character, i think. she’s pretty easy to overlook, but she also manages to completely break the indoctrination she’s been raised into and gambles her own life to save most of the population of angel island from complete extermination. she yells that she doesn’t recognize enel as god, an instant death sentence at any other time, just to get them to listen to her. 

there’s a moment, in this scene, where a boy throws a rock at her for insulting enel, and she just stands there, and lets the blood trickle down her face, and keeps making her case. honestly, i really like her.

look at this page. look how it’s framed. luffy in the foreground, taking up most of the page- enel in the background, tiny, inconsequential. 

now that’s how you draw god’s natural enemy. 

this is one of my favorite nami character moments in the whole manga. nami is a greedy person. she has a lot of things she wants. it’s one of her defining traits. 

but when faced with someone with godlike power, offering her absolutely anything she wants if she’ll just abandon her friends and come with him- she doesn’t want anything, for that price, even with her life on the line if she declines. she knows exactly what her treasure is. 

obviously this is an awesome panel, but sanji’s little smile just before enel strikes him is what really, really makes it for me. he’s about to get slammed with several thousand volts of lightning, but more importantly, nami and usopp are going to be safe. 

the skypiea flashback is one of my very favorites, and also the first time one piece ever made me cry. i nearly cried just flipping through it again for this post. it’s just so fucking devastating.

noland never stopped looking, and calgara never stopped waiting, and neither of them ever lost faith in each other despite how badly they fell out at the end, and wow, that just kills me. but at the same time, it makes the way the flashback and the main story come together at the end so satisfying and cathartic.

i do think skypiea has one of the best climaxes of any arc. the way all the disparate elements and plot threads- enel, the story of noland and calgara, the war between the skypieans and shandians, cricket’s search down on jaya- come together and tie up so perfectly that the entire arc can be ended by the ringing of a single massive bell is nothing less than genius writing. 

i really love the establishment of roger’s poneglyph message and all the things it implies here. it raises so many questions, most of which we’ve only now gotten answered, in wano. oda’s capacity for long-term storytelling is one of his greatest strengths, and this is probably one of my favorite examples of it. (see also, in jaya when sanji mentions offhand that he was born in north blue.)

i just really love seeing them all smiling, and i love the parallels to calgara and noland’s sendoff here. feels like a wound finally healing, after four hundred years. 

and, of course, it ends with cricket, asking what crazy, romantic dream they’re going to chase down next. because this is one piece!! just because you find the end of one rainbow doesn’t mean you stop looking for the next one. 

[elpercotreviews]

My Anime 9/10′s

With probably no spoilers cuz I don’t wanna talk too long about them zzz.

1. Fullmetal Alchemist

YALL ALREADY KNOW THIS A 9/10. The only real reason this show is not a 10/10 is because it’s just a story that I’d never rewatch. There’s like 70 episodes, which is way too long for my short attention span, especially since I’ve seen it already. But yeah, by all accounts, this story is a masterpiece and is one of the only “shounen” anime’s that I genuinely enjoyed. No random sexualization. No dumb filler. All the characters have an actual purpose and role in the plot and everyone has their own morals and ideals that interact to make the story interesting. I couldn’t bring myself to really hate anyone, even the villains, because everyone was pretty well written. Also super satisfying ending that ties up everything properly without leaving me confused or upset. If you only watch a few anime in your life, Fullmetal Alchemist is pretty much a MUST WATCH to see a beautiful example of a modern classic anime as an artform. Also I should say that I really don’t like Hunter x Hunter (AN EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL OPINION BTW) but I love Fullmetal Alchemist so take from that what you will.

2. Parasyte: The Maxim

Same kinda shit where you already know this a 9/10 for me. It’s just a very satisfying anime that doesn’t have random sexualization or random filler or anything like that. Ending is also very good and ties up the story in a way that doesn’t leave more questions but also allows the characters to have a “life” outside of the scope of the story. I think Parasyte, because of its more horror and psychological-esque vibes, counts as a seinen and not a shounen, so for more mature audiences. I also really liked how the story was successfully adapted to modern times since the manga is from the 80′s. I have actually rewatched this anime, but what stops me from giving it a 10/10 is a few things that I found kinda “stereotypical” that I don’t wanna discuss further too much cuz it’s spoilers. I still obviously really like this anime and highly recommend it.

3. Zankyou no Terror

TBH, this anime is pretty hard for me to properly describe in a lot of words as to why I like it. The art was really pretty as well as the music, which was just straight up amazing. The cinematography of this anime is excellent as well, and a lot of scenes have that sense of being acted out by real people, as opposed to feeling completely drawn/animated. I was a teenager when this anime came out and I think a lot of the themes presented in the show really related to me. The show does kinda have some leftover questions when it ends that prevents me from rating it a 10/10, but I have such a soft spot for this anime. It’s from the same creator as Samurai Champloo and Cowboy Bebop, and although those two animes are also very good, they did not impact me as much as this anime did. Recommended for people looking for idk something that gives off Inception vibes?? In the sense that it’s much more about its themes and its message more so than the believability of the events that occur.

4. Magic Kaito 1412

THIS IS JUST A PERSONAL PREFERENCE BTW LOLOL I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY WHO’D PUT THIS AS A 9/10 ANIME. I JUST REALLY LIKED IT OKAY. It’s made by the same person who does Detective Conan but I like this a lot more because it’s a much shorter series and slightly more mature (more for teens than just straight up kids). I really liked the main guy, I think he’s funny and charismatic. He’s a pervert at times but Imma forgive that cuz of the 90′s. Idk it’s just a really fun anime that I don’t have to take seriously and can just watch and enjoy.

5. Mob Psycho 100 (season 1 AND 2)

Imma put season two as slightly better than season one. So season one would be like a 9 and season two is like a 9.25 for me. Super super funny anime and I like it SO much more than One Punch Man. I liked that there was a good balance of serious moments, but you can definitely still count this anime as a comedy. I’m typically not the type to watch “comedy” but this anime genuinely had me laughing out loud, while also crying and freaking out right alongside the main character. The main guy is super great because he’s just this shy and sweet middle schooler, and it’s really interesting watching him balance trynna have a normal life while also using his powers for good and such. Apparently the anime was decently faithful to the manga and there’s apparently enough material for a third season so I’d be pretty stoked for a season 3, but season 2 ended on a pretty good spot and was satisfying. TBH, if I had the time, I’d probably rewatch both seasons and bump it up to a 10/10.

6. Vinland Saga

This anime is just the first season of what I hopes to be a whole series that will be stay beautifully and faithfully adapted from the manga. As someone who read very far into the manga (but quit like years ago simply because I hate slow updates lol), I actually didn’t enjoy watching the anime at first. I was impatient and kept waiting for when like the “major” events would happen. So I watched like three episodes and quit. But when I had some free time, I decided to get stuck in and commit to watching the whole series and I was so pleasantly surprised with just how good it was. I was impatient but I needed to realize that there is no “filler” or like “wasted time” in the entire anime. I hadn’t read the manga in years, so so many things were only vaguely familiar but I think this helped me stay surprised and excited throughout the anime. I’m looking forward to the rest of the manga being adapted because it’s just a good Viking saga lolol. Major themes of stuff like growing up, violence vs. peace, what it means to be a good person, etc. Lots of blood and LOTS of violence like a LOT they are VIKINGS CMON but tbh not really any gore which I liked cuz gore makes me ughhhh. A very good watch and only a taste of an excellent story.

7. Demon Slayer

It’s just Demon Slayer duhhh. Of course this a 9/10 for me. I don’t wanna write much just cuz the show is so popular. Just read a REAL review of this anime somewhere else lmaoooo. Also yes I did watch the movie in theaters and yes I liked it a lot as well mmkay. I’m mad hype for season two. My S/O doesn’t like Demon Slayer as much as me, but also has Hunter x Hunter as their all time favorite anime. Do with that information what you will lolol.

8. Attack on Titan Season 3 Part 2

Same shit as Demon Slayer. Just go read someone else’s review about why it’s so good lol. Also, unlike Mob Psycho 100, I can’t include all of the seasons in this, because I have very various opinions about how good/bad the other seasons were. But this season 3 part 2, was just plain and simply amazing. While I might not like each season equally, as a whole Attack on Titan is also a modern masterpiece of storytelling. Read the manga if you can.

9. Great Pretender

I love this anime so much. Such a good and fun wild ride. The whole show is ridiculous but in a fun way. I’m a HUGE fan of heist films, so of course I absolutely enjoyed a heist anime. I’ve watched this show in sub AND dub, due to the fact that everyone is “technically” speaking English the entire time. If you’re a purist, just watch in sub OR dub cuz I did get confused here and there, especially when I would go back to compare language discrepancies.  Because basically I did this super high maintenance thing where I switched back to Japanese whenever the main character had flashbacks, since he’s ya know, Japanese. The dub also has this confusing thing where the first five minutes or so are still in Japanese, but switches to English when a little cue card on the screen goes “For the Viewers sake, everything from now on will be translated to Japanese.” It’s cuz in the sub, the inverse obviously happens where the characters are initially speaking broken English to each other, but for convenience sake, everything from that point on will be in Japanese. It’s confusing at first but I liked it cuz it just proved the whole international vibe of the show. It’s funny either sub or dub when they joke about how bad the main guy speaks English, cuz in the dub he’s speaking perfect English, while the sub has him not speaking English at all. But anyway, great anime that WOULD have gotten a 10/10 if not for the last episode. Like without spoiling ... WTF WAS THAT LMAOOOO. The anime as a whole is super wacky and zany but at least I could try to think it’s real life, but that last episode was just so unbelievable and bizarre and pulled my suspension of disbelief into the STRATOSPHERE that I just had to convince myself that this show takes place in some improbable alternate reality where something like what happened in the last episode is at least 5 percent possible CUZ HOW DID ANY OF THAT WORK LMAOOO??? Once again, great show, one of my absolute favorites, BUT THAT ENDING THOUGH WTF.

10. BNA

Good super underrated anime that I don’t hear people talk about at all. If Beastars is anime Zootopia, then BNA is Disney Beastars lmaooo does that make sense? It’s a lot more fun and zany than Beastars and I liked it way more. Made by the same people who made Kill la Kill. I really like that more classic, animated “cheap” art style that the anime has, and I also really liked the plot of the story. Not a 10/10 cuz the show does leave a few unanswered questions at the end of it, but this show was such a fun and interesting ride. When I finished the last episode, I was left with a big smile on my face because I just genuinely enjoyed this anime. Recommended if you wanna watch something a little unique and more on the silly and wack side. Talks about some serious stuff, but luckily the show never takes itself TOO seriously, and remains overall lighthearted for a fun action/sci-fi show.

[tesseractrave]

Hey LOOK

That trollhunters movie was sooo bad like smh I was facepalming the whole movie.

Actually the whole series after Trollhunters was unnecessary and just...uhg.

Dont get me wrong, 3below and Wizards wasnt horrible. Just unnecessary.

Trollhunters was the gem. Beautiful story, nice armor(I'm a gal for armor. Why i watched it in the first place). Has three seasons that keep you rooted. And it ended. Ended nicely. Should've ended there...but it didnt.

3below only added another weirdness to Aradia. Served no real purpose but to add aliens. The bad guys played no part in the later seasons. It was just to add more character to the two weirdos that appeared in one or two episodes.

Wizards wasnt as useless. I guess it was a little necessary. Added a backstory to Merlin and Morgana, added a way to make Jim human again, and told the history of trolls themselves. And, again, it added more to character you see a few times in the first series. It wasnt actually that bad. Except for the introduction of the three elementals. Yay.

Which brings us to the movie. The biggest fuckup of them all. I may have missed it with some of the skipping I do, but why does the two elements want the world to end? Why do they want to start over? Why did so many characters have to perish in the most useless of ways. They just kept killing off characters for no other reason but to just...do it??!?! And dont get me started on the ending. Like Tobias could do any better? Like Tobias could prevent the apocalypse that was soon coming and Jim couldn't? Tobias is known for being cocky and flamboyant. Even more so than Jim....

I just dont understand the movie and I gave it a thumbs down for that reason. They tried but I think they may have tried s but too much

THANK you... I cannot stress enough how important Tales of Arcadia was to me.

My life revolves around stories, the art of storytelling is the most important thing in my life. It's why I become so passionate about certain topics and fandoms (that and ADHD). The way stories and situations work with the unique characters and their own branching backgrounds and relationships is so indescribably inspiring to me, especially the fact that it is real people who create all of them. Real people who either singlehandedly or work together to create these beautiful weaves of characters, emotions, relationships, and situations.

For some reason, Tales of Arcadia was my absolute favourite story. It wasn't even the best to me, but it was my highest priority in all the things I was passionate about. It was my saving grace at my low points. It brought so much comfort and joy to me, and despite my brain knowing it wasn't the greatest, my heart held it in such high regard.

I wanted to hate Trollhunters. Before I had known it even existed, my older brother (who I look up to the most) talked to my family about how he watched a few episodes, and he thought it was cringy and childish. I stood beside him as he showed me the first episode for the first time and made fun of it in front of me, all the while I just nodded and laughed at his comments. In my head, I could see where he was coming from, but as the days passed, I found myself wondering more and more about it. There were three seasons of this. What even happens in that time? What happens with the girl he liked, and the trolls, and the teacher?

So I caved. I sat down at my computer and remembered what my dad told me about how you couldn't truly judge a show until you've seen at least three episodes. I became hooked, and my ADHD was singing especially. I loved this. I loved everything about this, good and bad. I could see all the layers in the story and I saw how brilliantly this was created and how the story was told.

So I watched more, and more, and I watched 3Below, and I found myself actively anticipating Wizards to the point where I cried when the trailer came out. I cried incredibly hard, and I found myself saying to my family, "You guys, this is my favourite thing in the world!" I said it even to my brother, who I didn't care in the slightest about disappointing in this regard. When it came out, my mother sat down with me and watched it, saying that she knew how important it was to me, and she wanted to be a part of that and understand it so she could make me happier. My family's thing was Star Wars, I was raised on it, and I found myself holding it emotionally closer than even that. It was that unimaginably important to me. I had no way to truly explain why, other than the fact that I was just in absolute awe of the way these stories were told and connected and visualized. I was especially excited for the movie, and I cried when the trailer dropped for it, too. I even made my family watch it with me...

And then it came out. I had invited all of my friends and my boyfriend to come over and watch it with me, and I had bought snacks and sodas. I was giddy enough to sit outside and wait for them to arrive, and when they did, I turned off all the lights, and we all sat down and watched it together, piled onto my couch and giggling as I pressed play.

It was just... one thing after another. It felt like it was slipping through my fingers like sand. I was desperately emotionally grabbing at it and my little ADHD brain was screaming at the screen. All of the destruction of the characters' development, the deaths, and finally... the undoing of all of it. The whole story and franchise I had come to know and love was destroyed before my eyes in just 1 hour and 46 minutes. My friends and I were all blubbering messes from Toby's death and as the credits rolled, and I remember running to my mother in her office and crying into her shoulder for an unimaginably long time before all of my friends came in and hugged me. I was truly heartbroken, and it took me probably much too long to finally come out of the daze of shock I was in from that.

Rise of Titans literally and figuratively undid everything I held dear to my heart about this series. It genuinely hurts my little storyteller heart to even look at any content for Tales of Arcadia anymore. All the mistakes that were made, and all the missed opportunities, I could go on and on. It genuinely hurt me through one of my most vulnerable spots and my emotional connection to it.

I've just been trying to give it time, I guess... maybe I'll find a way to close my eyes and pretend Wizards was the end of Tales of Arcadia instead, or maybe I'll set it down in the dust and leave it as it is like a broken memory of something I used to love. All I know... is that I truly, utterly despise Rise of Titans.

[hachichimitsu2]

ABOUT ME

Hachi ✨ 20 ✨ She/Her ✨ 🇵🇭 ✨ INFJ 6w5

Hello, I’m Hachi! I'm a full-time freelance illustrator on Fiverr, and I hopefully plan to branch out in other artistic areas in my life! Expect me to dump all of my artistic interests over here : #hachichiart

I also have a children’s picture e-book that I self-published on Amazon. I made it as a requirement for my high school thesis, so while the art there is definitely a representation of my past, I still stand by the message I was trying to send. I hope to eventually branch out this series in a form of a webcomic of sorts, for people who can’t afford to purchase my e-book for financial reasons. These characters are extremely dear to me, and I can’t wait to expound on them when I have the time lmao. Here’s a tag regarding the series: #behindtheartistichand

Some note-worthy things to mention, this blog is generally 15+, but I do make sure to tag any NSFW content and general triggers out there. I often post and retweet adult animation, so I’d say tread carefully if you’re a minor. I’m also critical with the media I consume, but most of the time, I like to talk about why I like something rather than why I hate it. I just find it more fun to expound on the positives of my favorite things. I also don’t take everything seriously.

Please let me know privately if I did or say anything wrong. Sometimes I say things without meaning to, and I’m not the brightest crayon in the box, so constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. If you take offense with anything I posted, just send a polite DM and explain why it offended you so I can be educated regarding the subject. I’m also available for any questions, DMs and a genuine chit-chat.

MAIN INTERESTS

1. Character-Driven Storytelling

2. Adult Cartoons

3. CGDCT / Slice-of-Life Shows

4. Pastel Goth / Creepy Cute Fashion

5. Coming-of-Age Stories

6. Magical Girls

7. Psychological Horror

8. Well-Written Children’s Media

9. RPG Maker Horror Games

10. Video Essays & Film Studies

11. Speed Metal / Vaporwave / Shibuya-Kei

12. K-POP / J-POP Girl Groups (Serotonin Babey!)

13. 4LT (MBTI), Typology, Cognitive Functions

14. All Types of Artistic Endeavors (OCs, FanArt, Comics, Film, Music, Fanfiction, etc.)

TOP 5 ANIME SERIES (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

1. K-ON!!

2. Hunter x Hunter

3. Neon Genesis Evangelion

4. Ojamajo Doremi

5. Ouran Highschool Host Club.

TOP 5 CARTOON SERIES (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

1. South Park

2. Bojack Horseman

3. Moral Orel

4. Ed, Edd n Eddy

5. Infinity Train

FAVORITE MOVIES

1. Interstellar (Favorite Sci-Fi Movie of All Time)

2. Nacho Libre (Favorite Guilty Pleasure Movie)

3. Johnny Got His Gun (Scariest movie of all time due to the sheer existential dread)

4. Studio Ghibli Films (Particularly Ponyo, My Neighbor Totoro & Grave of the Fireflies)

5. Perfect Blue (Favorite Anime Movie)

6. One Cut of the Dead (It’s hard to recommend this movie without spoiling it, but it’s an absolute must that you finish it in its entirety before you proceed to make any further judgments)

7. Coraline (I know almost everyone loves Coraline at this point, but it’s genuinely good.)

8. Interview with the Vampire (Favorite Vampire movie of all time that doesn’t seem overdone or cliché. It’s also really gay)

9. Get Out (2017)

10. Us (2019)

11. Up (2009)

12. Toy Story (Movies 1 to 3)

13. Hereditary (2018)

14. The Shining (1980)

15. Audition (1999)

16. Misery (1990)

17. The Green Mile (1999)

18. Shawshank Redemption (1994)

19. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

20. Mommie Dearest (1981)

21. The Others (2001)

22. The Platform (2020)

23. The Lodge (2019)

OTHERS

1. Homestuck (It’s been a good while since I read Homestuck, so my memory of the general storyline is fuzzy. I’ll re-read it once I have the chance)

2. When They Cry (Currently up-to date with the Higurashi anime and watched the live-action movies. Finally started to tackle the sound novels. Have yet to encounter Umineko and Ciconia)

3. Age of Youth (Favorite K-drama of all time.)

4. Squid Game (Battle Royale-type thriller series that tackles capitalism and the illusion of choice and free will? Sign me the fuck up)

5. Majisuka Gakuen (Favorite J-drama of all time. Also, yes, I’m biased because of my love for AKB48.)

6. Flight of the Conchords (Favorite live-action series of all time.)

7. Adult Cartoons (The Boondocks, Camp Camp, Superjail, The Oblongs, Bob’s Burgers, The Simpsons, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Home Movies, Beavis & Butthead, Daria, Smiling Friends, Aggretsuko)

8. FilmCow (I absolutely love everything they put out. Currently up to date with VuloLives’s broadcasts)

9. The Eric Andre Show (A good friend recommended me this show, and I haven’t stopped since.)

10. Nathan for You (My humor condensed into one show)

11. CGDCT / Slice-of-Life Shows (Sweetness & Lightning, The Amazing World of Gumball, Spongebob Squarepants, Gakkou Gurashi, Lucky Star, Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight, Koufuku Graffiti, Hidamari Sketch, Pita-Ten, A Little Snow Fairy Sugar, Di Gi Charat, Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid, Yama no Susume, Shirobako, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, Saint Young Men, Gunslinger Girl, Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou, Osomatsu-san, Hey Arnold, The Peanuts, Arthur, Hibike! Euphonium, Nichijou, Asobi Asobase, Azumanga Daioh, Codename: Kids Next Door, Chowder)

12. Idol Anime (Love Live! School Idol Project, Aikatsu, Revue Starlight, Full Moon wo Sagashite, Pretty Rhythm, AKB600SEC // Will get into IDOLMASTER eventually)

13. Undertale (Will pick up Earthbound and Omori eventually)

14. RPGMaker Horror Games (Mad Father, Misao, The Witch’s House, Ao Oni, etc. Hoping to get into newer released games!)

15. Fictional Children / Adolescents Getting Trapped in Dangerous Scenarios (Digimon Tamers, Made in Abyss, The Promised Neverland, Alice Academy, Code Lyoko, The World Ends with You, Total Drama Island, Danganronpa)

16. Weird, Experimental or Slightly Disturbing Series (Serial Experiments Lain, Kuchuu Buranko, Invader Zim, Flapjack, Salad Fingers)

17. Shounen Anime (Yu Yu Hakusho, Mob Psycho 100, Dragon Ball Z)

18. Magical Girl Anime (Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Tokyo Mew Mew, Mermaid Melody, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, RWBY, Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt, My Little Pony, Princess Tutu, Powerpuff Girls, My Life As A Teenage Robot, Bee and Puppycat, Star vs. The Forces of Evil, Steven Universe // Will pick up She-Ra & The Owl House Eventually)

19. The Haunting of Hill House / Bly Manor (Don’t let the jump-scares deceive you. It’s a genuinely good character-driven horror series)

20. Sci-Fi Cartoons (Rick & Morty, Solar Opposites, Futurama, Bravest Warriors)

ROLE MODELS / BIASES / OSHIMENS / BEST GIRLS

1. Trey Parker & Matt Stone

2. Gain & Narsha (BROWN EYED GIRLS)

3. Hyuna (SOLOIST)

4. Sooyoung (SNSD)

5. Gyuri (KARA)

6. Hani (EXID)

7. Seulgi & Yeri (RED VELVET)

8. Sana (TWICE)

9. Yves & Olivia Hye (LOONA)

10. Shuhua (G-IDLE)

11. Yena (IZ*ONE)

12. Winter (AESPA)

13. SUZUKA (ATARASHII GAKKOU)

14. Shiroma Miru (NMB48)

15. Yabuki Nako (HKT48)

16. Takahashi Minami (ex-AKB48)

17. Kojima Haruna (ex-AKB48)

18. Shinoda Mariko (ex-AKB48)

19. Sayaka Akimoto (ex-AKB48)

20. Watanabe Mayu (ex-AKB48)

21. Shimazaki Haruka (ex-AKB48)

22. Matsui Jurina (ex-SKE48)

23. Sakura Miko (HOLOLIVE)

24. Natsuiro Matsuri (HOLOLIVE)

25. Oozora Subaru (HOLOLIVE)

26. Inugami Korone (HOLOLIVE)

27. Houshou Marine (HOLOLIVE)

28. Kiryu Coco (ex-HOLOLIVE)

29. Momosuzu Nene (HOLOLIVE)

30. Kureiji Ollie (HOLOLIVE)

31. Takanashi Kiara (HOLOLIVE)

32. VuloLives (INDEPENDENT VTUBER)

CONTACTS

• Instagram: @Hachichimitsu

• Twitter: @Hachichimitsu

• I take art commissions on Fiverr: https://www.fiverr.com/hachichimitsu

• I have a children’s e-book on Amazon. Make sure to download the Amazon Kindle app to be able to read it on your smart device: https://www.amazon.com/Behind-Artistic-Erika-Marie-Vargas-ebook/dp/B08789CW3V