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kerlondrive · 2 years

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Custom page size in bookwright

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The process can seem daunting without help. But your rough text has a long way to go before it can become a polished, published piece of literature.

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In this post I want to expand on that and show you: If you’ve been a long-time reader you might recall this post I did 2 years ago where I shared my process for making travel photobooks.

How I actually make the photobooks using Blurb.

What selections I made (size, materials etc.

If you want to replicate and make your own)

Why I chose Blurb over other photobook companies.

Heaps of photos so you can see how some of my travel photobooks have turned out, if you want layout ideas for making your own.

I’d seen other people’s reviews of photobooks on blogs for years but I hadn’t seen one in person for myself, until my neighbour showed me some of their family albums and travel photobooks, which they’d made using Blurb. I liked the print quality of the images, page size, that you can choose your own layouts, fonts, number of pages, page order etc. I compared Blurb against numerous other companies (listed at the end of this post) and will explain a bit about why I chose Blurb, along with how I make the photobooks. Photobook sizeįor a long international holiday, I use a large size (32cm long including the spine by 27.5cm high), so twice that size when both pages are open.įor a domestic holiday (usually up to 10 days), I use a smaller page size (24.5cm long including spine by 21cm high). Domestic trips are shorter, I have less photos to include and they’re less exciting than an international holiday. Plus it would end up being a thin book at a huge page size unless I combined multiple trips together and I’d rather keep them separate. I found some of the Photobook sizing offered by other companies to be a bit disproportionate. Either very wide but not very high, or a perfect square, or just an awkward size to try and neatly fit photos on. I prefer to stick to a ‘traditional’ photo album view of 4 equal sized photos on the page, unless I have a lot of photos of similar things e.g. Using my default template of 4 landscape photos (and space to caption underneath) food, in which case I’ll create a collage.

Small page size photobook, each photo is = 10.5cm long x 7cm high.

Large page size photobook, each photo is = 14cm long x 10.2cm high.

Some photobook software, back when I was researching a few years ago, had a page limit while Blurb does not. However I have found with the Bookwright software, that is starts to freeze around the 120 page mark / approx. 300 – 400 photos per photobook (which is a lot!). This could be the software, or my laptop which is almost at it’s storage capacity – I’m not 100% sure.

Custom page size in bookwright software#

If you have a lot of photos you can filter the photos within the software. You can import photos from an external hard drive into the software with no issues.

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I store my photos using cloud based storage (2 different providers) plus an external hard drive. Plus the photos are then stored on the main laptop hard drive via the photobook file. Yes I could delete the photos off my external hard drive once I’ve added them into the photobook file but I don’t want to. I have peace of mind with multiple backups, external hard drives are cheap. Making photobooks from my travels is my souvenir from trips (and make great gifts for myself and to give to others who went on the trip with me), so I’m purchasing another laptop which I will solely use for making Photobooks that will hopefully remove the current issues with the Bookwright software too. Keep in mind I also have the Microsoft suite of products, Adobe professional, Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Bridge, Affinity publisher, Affinity photo, Affinity Designer, Silhouette Studio, Backblaze (automatic file backups) and thousands upon thousands of files all on my laptop and am almost out of storage space so it’s probably best I get another laptop anyway.īut long story short, you’re probably going to need a semi-decent laptop (e.g. Related post: 10 things to check before buying a laptop for graphic design This is my process for making a photobook using Blurb’s Bookwright software 8GM ram or higher) and some spare storage space if you intend to make a lot of photobooks.

#Custom page size in bookwright

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therealvinelle · 3 years

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I've always wondered this, but what do you think the Cullen's political viewpoints would be, given their individual backgrounds? if vampires don't change after they turn, then surely they would all be extremely racist (especially Jasper). would this not come up at some point? they aren't like the Volturi because the Volturi are too old to care, but the Cullens are young enough that they have been brought up with opinions on stuff like sexism, racism, homophobia and the like.

Oh fuck.

You get an early answer because otherwise I'll just chicken out and delete this one, pretend I never saw it.

UMMM.

Since I'm guessing you meant American political viewpoints, we need a disclaimer. I am not American, and not too knowledgeable about your politics. Not just in the sense that I don't follow the day-to-day drama, but as I am not an American citizen there are several things I don't know, can't know because I've never lived in your country and therefore can't know what the effects of living in a country ruled by American policies is like. What I do know is based off of the news in the foreign section, social media (by which I mean tumblr posts), and Trevor Noah's Daily Show.

I am an outsider looking in.

Which is really rather appropriate, since the Cullens are too.

The Cullens go to high school and college, Carlisle works, they pay taxes, they own real estate, and submerge themselves in American culture. Esme, Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, and Bella are young enough that this is in many ways their world, and apart from timeouts they've more or less spent their entire lives, human and vampire, integrated into American society.

Not fully integrated, mind you, they do what they need to to fit in and get to school or, in Carlisle’s case, to work. They go no further. No extra-curriculars for the kids, no book clubs for Esme, no game nights for Carlisle. They walk parallel to humans, not among us.

In addition to this they're obscenely rich, which puts them another thousand miles from the experiences of your average American. They won't deal with the health system, which means healthcare is a non-issue, they're not going to need welfare or other social programs, unemployment is another non-issue. Name your issue, and the Cullens don't have personal stake in it. Even the climate crisis won't be a problem for them the way it will for us.

What I'm trying to say is, American political issues are a concept to them, not a lived reality. Just like they are for me. So hey, you made a great choice of blog to ask.

I'll also add here that you say the Volturi are too old to care, and I agree- from an ancient's point of view, racism is a matter of "which ethnicity are we hating today?", and it all looks rather arbitrary after a while. Same with every other issue - after a while it all just blends together into "what are the humans fighting over today? Which Christian denomination is the correct one? Huh. Good for them, I guess."

I can't put it any better than this post did, really. The Volturi are real people, humans are nerds and tumblr having Loki discourse. Aro thinks it's delightful and knows entirely too much about Watergate (and let's be real, Loki discourse as well), but the point I wanted to get at is that politics really don't matter to vampires.

And I don't think they matter to the Cullens either.

So, moving on to the next point while regretting I didn't put headlines in this post, I'll just state that I don't think vampires' minds are frozen. Their brains are unable to develop further, and they can never forget anything, but... well, this isn't the post for that, but in order for this to be true of vampires they would barely be sentient. They would not be able to process new impressions, to learn new things, nor to have an independent thought process. Yes, we see vampires in-universe (namely, Edward, who romanticizes himself and vampires) believe they're frozen and can never change, but there is no indication that this is a widespread belief, or even true. Quite the contrary - Carlisle went from a preacher's son who wanted to burn all the demons to living in Demon Capital for decades and then becoming a doctor and making a whole family of demons. Clearly, the guy has had a change in attitude over the years. Jasper, in his years as a newborn army general, slowly grew disenchanted with his life and developed depression. James initially meant to kill Victoria and hunted her across the earth, then became fascinated and changed his mind about it.

Had these people been incapable of change, Carlisle would still be hating demons, Jasper would be in Maria's army, and James would still be hunting Victoria.

It goes to follow, then, that they are able to adapt to new things.

The question is, would they?

Here I finally answer your question.

So, we have these people who don't really have any kind of stake in politics, who keep up to date all the same (or are forcibly kept up to date because high school) and are generally opinionated people.

Where do they then fall, politically?

(And this is where you might want to stop reading, anon, because I'm about to eviscerate these people.)

Alice votes for whoever's gonna win. She also makes a fortune off of betting each election. Trump's 1 to 10 victory in 2016 was a great day to be Alice. MAGA!

The actual policies involved are completely irrelevant, she does this because it's fun. Election means she gets to throw parties. Color coded parties for the Republican and Democratic primaries, and US-themed parties for Election Night! (Foreigner moment right here: I at first wrote "Election wake" before realizing that's not what y'all murricans call it.)

Alice loves politics. Doesn't know the issues, but she sure loves politics.

Bella votes Democrat. She actually knows about the issues, and cares about them. This girl is a Democrat through and through.

Carlisle doesn't vote. I can't imagine it feels right. Outside of faked papers he's not a US citizen, this is meddling in human affairs that he knows don't concern him.

More, this guy has never lived in a democracy.

In life, Carlisle lived under an absolute monarchy that, upon civil war, became an absolute theocracy. From there he learned that vampires live under a total dictatorship.

For the first 150 years of his life, democracy was that funky thing the Athenians did in history books thousands of years ago, no more relevant to him than the Ancient Egyptian monarchy is to me. Then the Americans, and later other European countries started doing this.

Good for them.

There's this mistake often made by those who view history from a... for lack of a better term, a solipsistic standpoint. A belief that the present day is the culmination of all of history. “My society is the best society, the most reasonable society; all the others had it backwards. Thank god we’re living in this enlightened age!”

The faith in our current system of government is one such belief. We (pardon me if this doesn’t apply to everybody reading this post) have grown up in democracies, being told this is the ultimate form of rule, and perhaps that is true - but remember the kings who have told their subjects they had were divine and the best possible ruler based on that. Remember also that most modern democracies haven’t actually been democracies for very long at all, America is the longest standing at some 230 years (not long at all in the grand scope of things) and they have a fracturing two-party system to show for it.

Every society, ever, has been told they’re the greatest, and their system of government the most just. Democracy is only the latest hit.

This is relevant to Carlisle because he’s immortal and decidedly not modern. Democracy has not been installed in him the way it was the rest of the Cullens, Jasper included. To him- well, it’s just not his world. He has no stakes in our human politics, and as he is older than every current democracy and has seen quite a few of them fall, he’s not going to internalize the democratic form of rule the way a modern human has.

I think the concept of voting is foreign to him.

It requires a level of participation in human society that he’s simply not at. He does the bare minimum to appear human so he do the work he loves, but nothing more, and I find that telling.

As it is I think he'd be iffy about his family doing it. He won’t stop them, but in voting they’re... well it’s kind of cheating. They’re not really citizens, none of this will affect them, and by voting they’re drowning out the votes of real human voters. He does not approve.

Edward votes Democrat. He's... well he’s the kind of guy who will oil a girl’s bedroom window so he can more easily watch her sleep without being discovered, justifying it to himself as being okay because if she were to tell him to get lost he’d stop immediately. Same guy is so sure that he’d leave and never return again if she wanted him to, except this is the man who returned to Forks to hang around his singer, knowing there was a significant chance he might kill her. To say nothing of his Madonna/Whore complex, or of the fact that he tried to pimp out his wife twice, and was willing to forcibly abort her child.

This guy is very much in love with chivalry, with being an enlightened and feminist man who supports and respects women, while not understanding the entire point of feminism, which is female liberation.

He votes Democrat because he’s such an enlightened feminist who cares about women’s rights.

Emmett doesn’t care to vote, but if he has to he votes Republican. The guy is from the 1930′s, and has major would-be-the-uncle-who-cracks-racist-jokes-if-he-was-older vibes.

Esme doesn’t vote, that would require getting out of the house.

More, I just... can’t see it. I can’t see her being one to read up on politics and The Issues, period, but if she has to then I doubt she’d be able to decide.

Jasper doesn’t vote. Alice can have her fun, he does not care.

There’s also the whole can of worms regarding the last time he went to bat for American politics.

I imagine he stays out of this.

Renesmée doesn't vote. She has no stock in the human affairs. Who would she vote for, on what grounds? When Bella tries to pull her to the urns, she points out that she's three years old.

Rosalie, guys, I’m sorry, but that girl is definitely gonna vote Republican. Perhaps not right now as it’s become the Trump party of insanity, but the Mitt Romney type of Republicans? Oh yes.

And for the record, yes I imagine she does vote. To step back from politics would be another way she was relinquishing her humanity, and that’s not allowed to happen. So, yes, she goes to the urns, less for the sake of the politics involved and more because like this, she’s still a part of society in some way.

Now, onto why I think she’s Republican, I think it’s both fiscal and social.

This girl was the daughter of a banker who somehow profited off of the Depression, and who then became part of a family with no material needs that would soon become billionaires thanks to Alice. Poverty to Rosalie is a non-issue, as it is I imagine she views it as a much lesser issue than what she’s had to deal with. The humans can pull themselves up by their bootstraps, Rosalie’s infertility is forever.

Rosalie’s empathy is strongest when she’s able to project onto others, and she won’t be able to project onto the less fortunate at all.

Then there’s the fact that the Republican party is all about traditional family values, and pro-life.

Rosalie, a woman from the 1930′s who idolizes her human life and who‘d love nothing more than to get to live out this fantasy, is down for that. And as of Breaking Dawn she’s vocally pro-life, so there’s that.

This all being said I don’t think Rosalie cares to sit down and fully understand these politics she’s voting for, the possible impact they’ll have- that’s not important. What’s important is what voting does for her.

TL;DR: I bet anon regrets asking.

#long post #twilight #twilight vampires #twilight meta #twilight renaissance #politics #history #twilight history #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #bella swan #renesmée cullen #jasper hale #rosalie hale #emmett cullen

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orangedodge · 3 years

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@dannybagpipesarecalling replied to your text post:

I didn't realize those were Destiny's diaries either. If you would be so kind, can you explain how Emma knows? Unfortunately I haven't read enough comics to know this backstory.

I am glad you asked about this, because it gives me an excuse to post about it while hopefully not sounding like a conspiracy blog. I've been slightly obsessed with this idea since Emma first turned up in House of X, so I'm rather excited that “maybe Destiny's Diaries still exist” isn't just my weird crack canon any longer.

Emma was, in short, the last person who can be established to have control over the whereabouts of the diaries. And as one of the top five telepaths in the world, who has expressly defended that secret from the likes of Exodus and Mr. Sinister, she is capable of preventing Professor X from just taking the information from her. So barring new retcons, if Moira has the diaries now, they had to have been obtained directly from Emma.

That's not enough to say that she turned them over to Moira specifically. She could have given them to Charles or Er—okay, no, she wouldn't give them to Charles. There could be a circumstance where she'd trust them to Erik though. But in that contingency, I think there's enough context to support Emma knowing why they'd want them and for who. To be clear though, I would be less confident about making that assertion if Emma hadn't just opened the “Dr. Moira MacTaggert Memorial Public Hospital” expressly to freak out Charles and Erik, and if HoxPox hadn't already linked them by showing Moira to be worried about what Emma was up to.

(This got kind of long so I thought it'd be helpful to say the important part up front before spiraling down the continuity rabbit hole)

The origins and resulting chain of custody for Destiny's Diaries are as follows: One January, decades ago, Destiny began recording visions of the future in a series of diaries. Filling one book per month, she continued writing for thirteen months. This process was described as auto-writing, and Destiny herself did not have a complete memory of what she had written, nor did she understand the meaning of much of what she wrote.

Nonetheless, the July diary contained a recording of the events leading up to the defeat of Apocalypse, and another diary contained information on the life of Hope Summers, so they've been very relevant to the events of the modern era. It's not explicit yet that Krakoa's founding is also in the diaries, but because we know Destiny had at least one separate vision of Krakoa, and because Moira is interested in reading them, it seems fairly likely that whatever Moira, Charles, and Erik have been doing behind the scenes is also in there.

In the decades since Destiny authored them, most of these diaries were lost, except for five that Mystique kept hold of, and a sixth that Irene hid away herself. After Mystique killed 'Moira,' she sent her five diaries to Professor X, hoping that the temptation of using them would consume his life and lead him toward a ruinous fate. Destiny meanwhile had entrusted the sixth diary to Shadowcat (who Destiny met in 1936, while she was time traveling and having an affair with Moira's grandfather don't worry about it), who eventually became so freaked out by something she read in it that she vanished on a mission, let her friends believe her dead for weeks, and had herself deleted from Cerebro, while leaving the diary to Rogue for safekeeping while she was away.

(That last chain of events isn't incredibly important, I just think it becomes kind of lol in light of current canon)

Rogue went on to take that diary and the research that had been done on it to Storm. Storm and Rogue then formed a splinter team of X-Men, to journey the world searching for the lost diaries, believing Professor X could not be trusted. Along the way a seventh book turned up with a treasure hunter named Vargas (don't worry about him), and an eighth was found by Gateway and given to Rogue in a dream. Eventually Storm tried to get Phoenix to collect Professor X's diaries for her, but they discovered that they had already been stolen (Shadowcat did it).

The rest of the diary hunt isn't really important, just that Kitty eventually ended up retrieving the full set, before she rejoined the X-Men, which only happened after Xavier had left Scott and Emma to run the school. This timeline is important for establishing that Xavier has never possessed the full set of diaries himself, and was not involved in collecting the lost books at any point, nor was he present at the time the diaries were brought to the school and fell under Emma's protection. This rules out the possibility that the set of diaries we've previously seen were somehow forged by Xavier.

Xavier would not return to the school until after losing his mutant powers, whereupon he departed for space on an adventure to another galaxy. He was unavailable, therefore, to have undertaken any telepathic shenanigans, so what happens next actually happened, and is not a psychic illusion. While Xavier was gone, Mr. Sinister recruited Exodus and Mystique, and began a campaign of hunting down precognitive psychics, time travelers, and any other sources of information on the future. Scott, Emma, and Kitty meanwhile predicted that they were going to be next, and came up with a bananas plan to keep the books safe.

X-Men volume 2 no. 203 by Mike Carey (Writer), Humberto Ramos (Penciler), Carlos Cuevas (Inker), Studio F’s Edgar Delgado (Colorist), Virtual Calligraphy’s Cory Petit (Letterer), Will Panzo (Assistant Editor), Nick Lowe (Editor), Joe Quesada (Editor in Chief), Dan Buckley (Publisher)

First they hid the diaries somewhere in parts unknown. Emma then altered the minds of “all of us” (everyone who lived at the mansion at that time) to perceive a bunch of decoy books as the real thing. She then erased Kitty's memory, and her own, so that no telepath would be able to extract the information by force, before they gave each other a series of post-hypnotic triggers so they could restore one another's memories if they ever needed the books again. When eventually Exodus attacked the school looking for the books, they restored their memories, and decided to send another team to the hidden location where they'd buried a mystery box. Emma gave this location to Sam and Bobby, who dug up the box, which was never opened, and which was destroyed by Gambit during a firefight with Sinister's forces before anyone could confirm its contents.

This was intended by author Mike Carey to be the end of Destiny's Diaries, a dropped plot from a previous creative run, that was vaguely useful at building up to the Messiah Complex crossover, but was a lot more trouble than it was worth to an author who was writing about the X-Men trying to avert a bad future. But there's a lot of room in the story he wrote for the diaries to have survived after all.

I think it's actually really suspicious that the box was accessible to Bobby and Sam at all. Why not drop it under a mountain? Why not bury it under the ocean? Why not keep it phased in a tree? And it's a big red box with a big red 'X' on it. I know the X-Men love their branding and all, but that's going pretty far.

No one actually opens the box before Gambit blows it up either. It could have contained more decoys, or nothing at all.

And when talking among themselves, Emma and Kitty never actually say that they're sending the X-Men to retrieve the diaries. They say that they know where the diaries are, and then send the X-Men to a place where they've buried something. The intent of the author is clear, but there's room in the dialogue for a later writer to decide that this just was another plan to keep the books hidden.

So for the entire period of time between assembling the complete collection of thirteen diaries, and their seeming destruction, they are never unaccounted for. Only Emma and Kitty knew the full extent of what they did to hide them, and where they were hidden. If fakes were destroyed instead of the real thing, no one would have known.

We could just be in retcon territory, but I don't think so, because it's fine on its own without any direct changes to canon. And really, faking the destruction of the books to cover up their real location makes a lot more sense than believing Emma Frost actually sent Sam to retrieve the incredibly suspicious looking red box that contained the most important object in the world, while half the super villains on the planet were chasing him.

Believing the diaries weren't really destroyed just requires the reader to accept that Emma would lie to the other X-Men, and keep lying to them for years, and that she'd be willing to put Sam and Bobby's lives at risk to protect that lie. Which she was already doing in that story anyway. She was already lying to everyone when she changed everyone's memories. And she—and Scott and Kitty—was already fine with risking everyone's lives when setting up a decoy trap in a school. So that's why I think this works better as a continuation of the existing, known, story of the diaries, and not a direct retcon to what happened.

In conclusion I think Emma knows about Moira because Moira got the diaries from somewhere, and Emma is the person she could have gotten them from. Nothing proves a direct hand-off in, like, a formal standard of proof or anything, but Emma having access to the diaries for so long, and having been wrapped up in this whole weird plot thread—which involves Moira and most of the Quiet Council—is enough to imply the connection in a story sense.

(ETA - For completion’s sake, there is also a weird story I didn’t go into called Chaos War that was published in 2011 where Moira is resurrected and finds a book in the ruins of the Xavier School that may or may not be one of the diaries, and touching it causes her soul to merge with Destiny’s, who then possesses her and guides her through a quest to destroy an evil god. This was an odd story to place in continuity at the time, and has only gotten stranger, given 1. that couldn’t be the real Moira, 2. Destiny is not merged with her soul. If this is in continuity (it’s been suggested that Moira’s golem was the character in this event), and all of the characters are who they say they are, and if the book in question was actually one of the thirteen diaries (and not some other book that Irene also wrote), then it requires Emma to have deliberately left one of the thirteen books behind for “Moira” to find, which if anything only adds to the likelihood that she knows what’s up)

#x-men #comics #marvel #wednesday spoilers #long post

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gesternchen · 4 years

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Just randomly reviewing scenes from the movies no one remembers now. This week: Avatar (2009).

It’s not like everyone forgot James Cameron’s Avatar. Since we’re still getting some footage from behind the scenes of the sequel and news about the cast, at least someone takes pains to remind themselves of this cinematic experience from the year of 2009. It’s already been 84 (just kidding, 11) years and I’m still looking forward to at least watching the teaser (fun fact: I was 11 when Avatar came out, I’m 22 now). I even bought the Darkhorse comic book on Tsu’Tey’s backstory to, you know, investigate one of my favorite characters a little bit better (spoiler: the backstory wasn’t very much eventful but I noticed a nice detail there which I may talk about briefly a bit later).

Throughout the years Avatar has received a lot of backlash and more or less justified criticism, mainly for the plot and its problematic packaging. I believe, it depends on the perspective one watches a movie from. Of course, I wouldn’t call it an absolute gem of exciting storytelling, even though I truly enjoy it, as in majority its twists are undeniably predictable. However, I always disagreed with people saying relations in Avatar aren’t deep at all. Well, romance between Jake and Neytiri, which, let’s be honest, except for the scene of telling the truth, went too smoothly, and this is why I strongly believe clash of interests is inevitable in sequels. Their interaction remained the key one for the whole movie, and nothing is bad about that, people enjoy a nice lovestory, so do I. But 11 years after I’d like to focus on the disturbing conflict everyone prefers to ignore for some reason when recalling Avatar. For me it’s always been Jake versus Colonel Quaritch.

You guys may have already guessed which scenes I wanna talk about. Those really important ones that I consider climactic to the pace of narration. And what is more about them, they give us crucial details in character development and actors’ play to think through. The main message: Quaritch knew it was coming.

Let me firstly touch upon the scene of short conversation between Jake and Quaritch prior to Sully presumably leaving Pandora. While Jake is awating Quaritch in a large empty hall, he hardly seems to be calm about the talk, every nerve in his body is trembling, but why?

The way Jake’s drumming his fingers on the table makes me wonder if he’s okay.

Then Colonel enters the hall, grabs a chair and reminds that it had been more than two weeks since he got the latest report on how the misson was going. He knows, Sully is questioning reality, and no, he’s not ‘doubting his resolve’. He knows, the right moment to ‘terminate the mission’ is missed. He knows, he lost Jake. He knows, he’s talking to the deserter. Yet Quaritch speaks indifferent. He praises Jake’s effort and rewards him for that. With real legs he promised to him when they first talked. Quaritch hoped they’d trigger the realization in Jake. Which doesn’t happen. How sad he looks when Jake openly refuses to accept the reward.

In just one sequence Stephen’s face demonstrates the shift of all four feelings Quaritch goes through: dissatisfaction, melancholy, shame, disgust.

Quaritch sensed the moment when Jake expressed superiority to the mankind. Jake grasped that Quaritch knew everything, he played with fire, and that’s why he felt anxiety. And it lasted all the way until Quaritch stepped back for leaving the hall. But did Colonel really surrender? I doubt that.

The tension between them both feels electric, so it’s explainable why Jake’s transient smile is so awkward. Sam then heavily staring straight at Colonel's back suggests that up until now Jake regarded Quaritch as his enemy. The enemy he knew he would not be able to defeat.

I remember when watching this scene, I couldn’t get myself the answer to one question. The question was: which report did Quaritch refer to? ‘That report from two weeks ago’, but such information wasn’t satisfactory for me. To be honest, this small discovery became the actual reason why I decided to type this study. Let’s assume that this particular report which Quaritch mentioned was the videolog where Jake confessed that Omaticaya wouldn’t leave the Hometree. Here’s why.

The general audience is used to perceiving Quaritch as a cruel short-tempered military man who just waits for the starting pistol’s shot to destroy everything in sight. Again, nothing is wrong about this, the fact that his character was simply meant to be a generic personification of such type doesn’t leave us with any alternative impression of him. Let’s say, if he was given the order to ignite the operation of the Hometree’s destruction to screw the tribe out of the site, he would absolutely go for it (and so he does). He’s a man of his word after all. Let’s also say, if he was pissed off by Jake’s betrayal, he would transport himself to the mountain site in a blink of an eye, turn off the link and put Jake in jail right after the talk in the hall. Instead, Quaritch decided to wait and give Jake the last chance. Jake preffered unearthly wings to those more tangible, so Quaritch chose not to cut them so abruptly.

We’re moving to the next scene, taking place right before a toned down fight between Tsu’Tey and Jake (I’m saying so, because it’s actually one of the deleted scenes that got edited out of the final cut, and believe me, the pressure between two rivals there is way too intense). Quaritch is watching the record of Jake destroying bulldozer’s lenses with a stone. After that Jake’s face is zoomed and we watch Selfridge get frustrated, Quaritch looks pretty annoyed as well but doesn’t seem to be much surprised. What he’s feeling, is bitter disappointment in himself and knowing that he totally failed to persuade Jake to change his mind.

Just observe Stephen Lang’s performance here. He absolutely nails cold-eyed look, the fire burning slow inside of him is so palpable, and guess what, in a flash he flies off the handle.

Now, shall we check the ultimate scene, preceding the destruction of the Hometree. Though Grace versus Parker juxtaposition is central to this scene, the last time Quaritch confronting Jake face to face in his human body is essential to consider for making things clear.

When it comes to revealing to Selfridge the vainness of further negotiations with Omaticaya, isn’t it just interesting how fast Quaritch manages to find the correct videolog? It literally takes him not more than a couple of swipes to produce the proof. Here is why: he’s already watched the record and is completely aware of the Jake’s values having deteriorated.

You can tell, Jake knew he was under control, but he would rather like to ingnore this fact. His pathetic glance at Quaritch, who’s almost impending above his head, causes to think Jake would guess that Colonel could have watched this videolog. Rather, it was a mutual secret between the two of them until a turning point. But the moment of truth came, and Jake didn’t change his mind. Quaritch made sure of that and finally it was his time to triumph.

So how was it even possible to assume Quaritch may have watched the videolog I’ve been talking about for so long? Well, my explanation may be too easy to believe, but still: we can tell by Jake’s appearance and the date of the record that it is the vlog we need.

This telltale videolog was recorded 16 minutes after the another one, when Jake says that he’s uncertain, who he is anymore (LST abbreviation stands for Local Standard Time). Jake might have suddenly felt depressed and hopeless and got back to the camera while being too emotionally instable, and so must have forgotten to delete the final record.

I have one more note for you. If you check the videolog library Quaritch is swiping through, you’ll see that the latest important record, which he actually needs, is made in the interior of the mountain site block and dates back to August, 13. Other recent vlogs’ covers look nothing like Site 26 sequence. Jake may not have done any of these records at the mountain site. I still wonder though where those three or four ensuing videologs were recorded, the location seems to be red lighted, which means it isn’t blue lighting at Site 26. I may even assume he recorded some pieces at Hell’s Gate. Why would I think so? Probably because in those two scenes (dialog with Quaritch and confession at Parker’s office) Jake looks ten times better than before, he gained some weight at least and doesn’t resemble a living sceleton.

Selfridge gave Jake an hour to relocate the tribe, while gunships led by Colonel’s Dragon were already on full alert. Quaritch had no doubt that Jake’s peacekeeping mission would fail. He knew it from the beginning. Hence he sounds so sarcastic seeing Sully’s avatar tied.

Now Quaritch sipping his villain’s morning coffee tasting like fresh genocide doesn’t feel so cringy: he’s celebrating his victory over Jake (still I should agree with critisism on this point, it really is a stupid cliche and wasn’t intended to carry a deep meaning).

Now I should admit, it’s been a long journey to run this investigation and bring it to light by finally posting it. It took me around a day to collect my thoughts and express them by means of more or less readable English. Just would like to make a little side note: English is not my native, so I promise I did my best! Thanks to James Cameron for making a movie, which woke me up in the middle of the night to start reflecting, and to all the fans out there who still exist and remember this movie and so can read this essay. @avatarmovies I found your blog not so long ago and you guys say you enjoy headcanons (and movie reviews probably?..), so it would be nice if you reblogged this but I’m not insisting!!

#avatar #james cameron #james cameron avatar #movie reviews #avatar movies #colonel quaritch #jake sully #characters in conflict #gesternchen reviews

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uwua3 · 4 years

Note

Hello! Sorry to spring another request at you so soon, but those jealousy headcanons you wrote for me have got me hooked! Would it be possible to write a redemption/forgiveness focused "part 2" to those 3 HCs but years later, showing that they've both grown as people and wind up with happy endings together? (And heal my bruised ego, j/k 😆) If you would rather not revisit those stories, I completely understand + will think of something else 😁 TY once more for your immaculate creations 🙌🙏

yes! this will be the pt. 2 set years later from the first jealousy hc~ i know everyone’s a sucker for happy endings so i’ll try my best! aLSO YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY!!! i remember when i got sent this ask and i just wrote immaculate in one of my writings omg!!! we are Connected

summary: time heals and people move on, for better or for worse

author’s note: this was less redemption, but more for forgiveness. sometimes, you can’t forget what someone did but forgive them after becoming changed people. being the bigger person, moving on, and being the best version of yourself is the sweetest revenge possible + taichi’s was the longest, i am the most proud of his!

there are some situations where it’s best to leave a person out of your life if they hurt you more than anything ♡ don’t feel like you are missing a part of yourself without them, you’re more than someone’s s/o; you’re you!

word count: 4,042 (total) — 1,297 (kazunari), 868 (tenma), 1,877 (taichi)

music: i don’t want you back – aj mitchell (kazunari), you could have been the one – coasts (tenma), wish u the best – blackbear (taichi)

jealousy (pt.2)

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

it kept raining, but kazunari refused to let that stop him anymore

kazunari stood drenched for so long but his umbrella was by his side this entire time (he covered himself and watched the stormy clouds part to reveal streams of the sun)

kazunari wanted to love himself first, and then maybe he could come back to loving you

so he attended therapy. learned how to openly commuicate his feelings without constantly seeking attention. made real friends with a theatre company named mankai. found passion in another art form: acting!

kazunari grew as a person, developing into his full identity and he finally knew who he was. kazunari stopped forming unhealthy attachments onto people who showed any form of interest on him and even had a few successful relationships because of his mindset

(all of them ended maturely, respectfully, and without any of the drama being a teen had. it felt nice to be an adult for once)

kazunari was content with his own body, for once. he practiced taking breaks and understood his own limits (not weaknesses, his therapist reminded him, just boundaries). kazunari even started posting online again, making enthusiatic blog posts that were genuine this time

kazunari stopped obsessively checking comments left on his selfies and just deleted any that were negative. but most times, he didn’t even see them because he was proud of how far he came. it could only go up from here

kazunari was happy!

but, you weren’t. you lost your best friend who eventually stopped sending random late–night texts. the one who always had an adventure up his sleeve and always made you laugh. where did he go?

it wasn’t until you spotted an advertisement that had his name in the bottom part of the cast. you didn’t even know kazunari was interested in drama, though he did have the flair for it

(you were too busy with your partner to even come to his water me! debut)

when you attended the summer troupe’s second opening night, you couldn’t recognize the man standing before you on stage

kazunari wasn’t that meek barista who shut down every time he made a mistake. now, when he flubbed the script, he simply did improv and didn’t let his mistake hold him back. he matured to be an accomplished young man with the talent to boot and all the charisma in the world

when kazunari’s sight glanced past you, he barely noticed your presence. he just nodded and spared no more attention towards you, focusing on the play and giving it his all

to you, kazunari was a stranger. to kazunari, you were just somebody he used to have good times with, that’s all

after that, you left and didn’t bother seeking contact with him again besides the occassional congratulations to be civil. he didn’t need you anymore, it was painfully obvious how happy he was now

(much happier than when he was best friends with you)

kazunari didn’t notice and put his energy into becoming someone he was proud of, gaining popularity online for his infectious happiness and wonderful, creative edits

kazunari stopped trying to love himself so you could love him. he did everything for him because he wanted to

after seeing you in the crowd, kazunari accepted you weren’t the same person he became best friends with and that was okay. he had 20 best friends who he shared a house with, what more could he ask for?

(even when he saw your long instagram post about your engagement, he liked it and left a happy comment. there was no jealousy over what could have been, just complimenting the ring without any hard feelings)

kazunari knew he would never see you again, that you were intimidated by his self–love. kazunari wasn’t too sad, just posted a group photo with the caption: “my best friends ✨”

kazunari moved on easily, knowing there was no point to get hung up if you were happy. who was he to get in the way of a happy relationship?

so when you sent him an e–mail asking him to be the best man at your wedding, it didn’t phase him as bad as he thought it would. maybe, just a little surprise. kazunari didn’t hesitate to request practice off and click to confirm his rsvp

(maybe, this could have been his last opportunty to be your best friend)

if it was possible to outdress the couple, he did. kazunari showed up to the wedding in his best suit, gladly chatting up the party

(he knew he looked good, and because of that, he didn’t flinch every time he was mistaken as the groom)

(he didn’t want to be, anyways)

kazunari met up with you in your dressing room, watching you pace as you had pre–marriage jitters. but you looked pretty, beautiful even, but you didn’t look like his bride. that didn’t hurt him, he just smiled and offered his arm

“you ready, best friend?” kazunari asked and the smile on your face reflected his: hollow, but somewhat sad. you both knew you guys weren’t close like before, the same people before. you two were almost unrecognizable, but the love as friends was still there

kazunari couldn’t deny you made his life better at some point, people just change and that was that. he couldn’t fault you for that

he couldn’t blame you for his fear of confessing his feelings, his avoidance of any type of serious relationship. that was on him, and he accepted that a long, long time ago

he was gonna walk the first love of his life down the aisle to another person, and kazunari smiled, knowing this was for the best

kazunari was happy the person you met all those years ago was your soulmate, you deserved that

as the double doors opened, you two gracefully walked down the aisle as he noticed the person at the end was crying tears of joy. they were so in love with you, and you had the same look on your face

kazunari didn’t even react like that, just smiled and gave you a thumbs up

this was definitely for the best

as the room stood for you, you glanced at kazunari and whispered something that had no effect on him whatsoever

“i liked you, before all of this.”

kazunari just looked forward, feeling the rain finally come to an end as a sunny, summer blue sky was shining with puffy white clouds

the rain was gone for good, and 19–year–old kazunari finally had his closure

“i did, too.” kazunari simply said and you didn’t react. it was clear, you both moved on

before giving you away, kazunari smiled, making some joke about being careful with his “daughter”

the room laughed, and he did, too (he meant it)

kazunari was happy for you as he watched you two exchange vows. maybe his past self would’ve selfishly wished that was him, object when the officiant asked, and steal you away

but kazunari knew you were happy

(best man kazunari stood up at the dining banquet to deliver his speech, holding the mic up to his mouth and he shared happy memories between the two of you)

(kazunari almost talked about how gorgeous you looked in golden hour back then, but stopped. that was a memory only his teen self should have, and instead made a toast)

(“for forgiveness, moving on, and best friends!”)

kazunari watched you have your first dance and looked outside. it was golden hour, and you were just as gorgeous as before

but, kazunari didn’t have to be your #1 anymore. because in his heart, he was his own #1, and that would never become a joke

the rain ended, and wouldn’t come back as long as he lived in the sun

🌻☀️ sumeragi tenma

you and tenma were cast in the same movie years after your public break–up

it was an easy job and guarenteed summer blockbuster for best lead actor, tenma

he was entering university now for acting, keeping a clean image as the media slowly forgot about his playboy past as he shifted his efforts to more time with his true friends and being a regular, casual teen

(even previous co–stars admitted his personality did a full 180 and it was refreshing to see the young actor turn over a new leaf)

tenma decided after you, he deserved real love that wasn’t fabricated by a company

he left his label with a rip to the contract, flipped them off with both his fingers, and became an independent star that rose to popularity due to his honest and brash interviews on the industry

he took on projects he loved and tenma’s parents slowly came to respect him as an actor, giving him the freedom to do whatever mattered to him

(tenma even started reclaiming back his missed childhood, lowering the expectations he forced upon himself and letting himself make mistakes. he started trying again and again, refusing to give up for the sake of his team)

tenma expanded his talents to both on screen and stage, and found himself becoming more of a team–player who was confident in his abilities to lead and be taken seriously

mankai taught him love wasn’t just romantic. he received love everyday from his close friends and pushed himself out of his comfort zone to express his feelings and appreciation without feeling uncomfortable

as a result, tenma was loved for who he was, not some idol image

tenma loved himself all because of his love for acting, and knew he wouldn’t have been able to do it if it wasn’t for you, weirdly enough

you were the breaking point. you set off the chain of events that let him take back his own life and pursue real, authentic things. tenma was still a kid at heart, but he grew up

the next time he saw you on set after providing food for the cast to practice showing apprecistion, he towered over you and had to look down

this time, it seemed like he was the one who ruffled your hair and treated you like his younger sibling

you hadn’t realized it, but tenma wasn’t the little kid you liked making fun of. now he was a strong, independent, opiniated firecracker who wasn’t afraid of telling it how it is

tenma wasn’t scared to tell you when you messed up, but this time, he offered advice. he was a natural leader who provided multiple effective solutions and was interested in working with the directors and producers to make the best possible cut

tenma wasn’t some egotistical, self–centered jock his company portrayed him out to be. he was a childish, fun–loving, aggressive firework who was unapologetic about his true self and put his entire self into acting

it was a particular scene that involved romance, and you had to act as a couple with tenma, having a practice read as you went through the lines

“i’m sorry, i loved you so much, it would have killed me if i didn’t say something.” tenma recited, emotionally looking into your eyes as he made his voice shake. it almost felt too authentic, and you cleared your throat, continuing the line

“i did too... but you,” you glanced up at him, and suddenly you realized tenma wasn’t that young brother you thought he was. you regretted ever treating him like some dumb kid, he had grown so much

“you were so young... i judged you too quickly and never let you have a chance. i’m sorry, tenma.”

tenma didn’t break character, but he just shook his head and put his hand out, knowing you didn’t follow the script

“it’s okay. it is what it is.”

you shook his hand, and you never realized how well his hand fit in yours

from that moment forward, you two had easy chemistry and became friends again. but as you began to see him as a man, he always reminded you that it was never going to work out even if he forgave you

he made it especially clear when you guys came back to that one arcade. its games never changing and it felt like you went back in time. when he caught you giving him the same look 16–year–old tenma gave you back then, he sighed and stared at you with firm determination

“i get it, i’m different now. but you gotta give up, don’t even think about it. i forgive you, but we’re friends. that’s all we’ll ever be.”

tenma was older now, and he was grateful for all you did for him, but he already had real love

he didn’t need fake love, especially from you

after playing games in the arcade, it was tenma this time who commented how fun it was and you could call him up any time for acting advice. he saw you as a younger sibling

you watched tenma grow up, but didn’t realize maybe you were the one who was still stuck in the past

🍁🛹 nanao taichi

taichi, grew up

he refused to ever let anyone hurt him the same way for the rest of his life. he couldn’t believe he was so desperate for love that it blinded his view on common sense. taichi never wanted to feel like he was used, kicked, and abandoned ever again

taichi never wanted to see you again, you didn’t deserve to see him after all this time

taichi began to build up his self–esteem, knowing whatever happened, wasn’t his fault anymore. he loved himself, he was the best you ever had and you left him for someone you ditched later that week

in a way, he won. taichi was happy, confident, and grew up to the best actor possible as he was surrounded by the mankai boys who supported him to be content with life

so taichi forced himself to stand taller, started looking people in the eye, and being direct with his boundaries. taichi learned more about what he could handle, and it was amazing to see how having self–respect meant people backed off, knowing he wasn’t a victim anymore

taichi learned his self worth and moved on, his love for himself was greater than anything he felt for you

(during times when he relapsed, sometimes he re–read the love letters he wrote you. you would leave them behind, not even opening them. they were so honest, so vulnerable, it physically hurt him to know he exposed his heart to the public like this)

(he’d read but at the end, he’d always laugh at his stupidity. you didn’t deserve to have such nice things like his heart)

taichi became even more extroverted, making countless friends as he realized making lasting relationships was meant to be double–sided and not just an one–way effort. as a result, he made contact with people who actually liked him and valued him as a friend

taichi put out good energy into life, and he got it back in the form of fun, friends, and his family

taichi liked making connections with people in theatre troupes on veludo way, always staying back to applaud at street acts and exchange contact information

one day, he came across a recently up and coming troupe that nearly fainted when they caught sight of the bright red hair that distinguished taichi

(amongst troupes, taichi was even better than god troupe. taichi was a resident star that was so nice that everyone loved him)

now, they were his closest friend group outside of the mankai boys and noticed their street act, rushing over to congratulate them

“you guys did amazing! i’m so proud!” taichi fake–sobbed, running over and throwing himself onto one of them with a tight hug as the group of friends released a tight laugh after the nervewrecking performance

“ah taichi~ you have to stop before i fall in love with you!” someone said, pushing taichi off jokingly as he pouted like a puppy.

taichi was older now, less naive and innocent to the dating game, his heart didn’t flutter like it would’ve before when he was 16

taichi just laughed it off, and it didn’t affect him like before. he didn’t fall in love, he learned to tell the difference between friendly affection and true love

(but sometimes, taichi closed himself off in a room, listening to the playlists he made for you on loop for hours. but in his moments of weakness, taichi listened and listened and listened. he scoffed, you never even liked the songs to begin with. he felt silly for wasting his favorites on you)

(slowly, eventually, the songs sounded less like you. he began to enjoy them on the radio and sang along freely, your existence blocked from his train of thought)

taichi added to the conversation, putting in funny jokes everyone laughed at and it felt nice to be involved in other groups. they didn’t ignore him, or try to take advantage of his obvious need to be popular

(it was funny how taichi naturally became popular the moment he loved himself, like being happy was all it took)

he wasn’t clinging for the validation anymore, taichi knew he was funny. he was worth it. he was the best version of himself possible

the topic changed to the troupe’s show being premiered this weekend. taichi gladly accepted the ticket, promising to come and cheer on the cast the loudest he could

(he knew they’d do the same when autumn troupe performed. in fact, they did. it was so cool to see all the troupes on veludo way band together and support creativity)

taichi received a promotional poster, thanking the group as he headed back to the dorms. taichi glanced down at the names, nearing the door before skidding to a stop

your name was in bold, big letters. taichi almost didn’t recognize it, he nearly repressed you in his memory

taichi thought back on the love letters he stayed awake to write, nearly falling asleep as he forced himself to share his feelings honestly. remembered how you didn’t even look at them, how it looked like you’d rather do anything than try to understand him

taichi heard the playlists in his ears all at once, his favorite songs being dedicated to you and you hated them

taichi nearly opened his notebook to pen a letter for you, was about to start shuffling through the playlist before he stopped

he read your name. said it aloud. but that was it, taichi just stuffed the poster in his bag as he strolled in after his first year of university

you didn’t deserve any space in his mind after what you did, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t come support his friends

taichi refused to ever let you have the privilege of controlling any aspect of his life anymore, he was going to that damn show and would yell as loud as possible

taichi knew he wasn’t coming for you, but for people who actually liked him

when taichi went inside, he smiled as his friends greeted him enthusiastically. he was so lucky to be who he was today

on saturday night, taichi was on the edge of his seat as the play reached its climax. your acting, he hated to admit it, was almost on par with his. you were dominating the stage and then some, your energy easily bouncing off your cast mates. it’s like you were born for the stage

16–year–old taichi would have been insecure over his own abilities, sunk into his seat and reconsidered everything he did. maybe would have thought he should practice more, get advice, fix who he was

but 19–year–old taichi was older, wiser, better. just because you were good, didn’t mean he wasn’t any good. in fact, taichi smiled contently, he was sure he was just a bit better

(just a little, and his ego actually believed it)

taichi jumped to his feet to applaud rambunctiously when the cast came out to have a bow, whooping as he swung his arms around to get his friends’ attention

they all turned and waved, sending comedic air kisses as you finally recognized him, your face paling and hands shaking as you didn’t do anything

taichi just smiled, waiting as the audience cleared out and he was let into backstage only to be embraced by the sweaty, hyped cast

“taichi~ you made it!” they cheered and taichi grinned, ruffling the younger actor’s hair as his heart soared due to being seen as a mentor to the rookies. he noticed the way they admired him, wanted to be like him

(and for once in his life, taichi liked being his own person, too)

“of course! anything for my friends!” taichi returned the hug, being the last person to pull away as he individually greeted everyone with just as much excitement. backstage buzz was real and got everyone in the best mood ever

except, you

when taichi reached you, your face was nervous. almost, fearful. you looked wary, ready to bolt at any moment he opened his mouth

(and taichi realized he had the power. he could’ve exposed you right then and there. tell everyone what a manipulative, toxic, evil person you were for breaking his heart. for cheating on him when he did nothing but be loyal to you. you were trash, the gum at the bottom of shoe, and he could easily destroy your career if he just told everyone. they would trust him, you’d be over)

(if he was 16, he would’ve ended you. he would’ve shared all the awful, terrible, low things you did and you wouldn’t be anything anymore. the revenge was almost too good, he would actually win)

but... the hurt that was in him before, the pain that would’ve pushed him to have the upper hand, it wasn’t there. he didn’t feel anything towards you except he was sorry you weren’t with him anymore

(he was the best you ever had, he knew that)

instead, taichi smiled even bigger. he pulled a boquet of flowers from behind his back, the flowers he remembered were your favorite

“hey! long time no see!” taichi quickly pulled you in for a hug, your rigid posture against his chest as you awkwardly put your hands around him. taichi realized it was the first time you actually hugged him back, but he didn’t feel anything

taichi pretended that you stepped on his foot, pulling away with a dramatic “ouch!” as you widened your eyes, about to profusely say sorry before he waved it off

“come on, you don’t have to apologize for what happened! i forgive you, you know. we’re good.” taichi pretended to be talking about the minor issue, gesturing to his shoe as he handed you the flowers. but you understood he meant much more than that, and your eyes were brimmed with tears

“hey~ don’t cry! it was just a little boo boo, nothing time won’t fix.” taichi sympathetically pat your shoulder, knowng you didn’t deserve it. you were the one who wasn’t worthy this time, even you couldn’t believe taichi forgived you for all you done

but one smile and you knew he wasn’t lying

(even after all this time, he couldn’t hide his emotions. his heart was on his sleeve, but it was protected. it recovered. it healed)

taichi stood tall. stared you in the eye. stopped trailing after you like a lost puppy. you stepped back as the crowd took him back, inviting him to the afterparty as he happily agreed, knowing he was the life of the party

taichi didn’t even look back at you, like he completely forgot all about you

taichi didn’t talk to you for the rest of the night, but when he did, he was always the bigger person, acting like nothing ever happened

he really moved on, and he felt so sorry for you he had to forgive you

(you had texted him later that night, wanting to meet up to talk. taichi opened the message, almost laughed, and closed his phone. he left you on read, he deleted your number again)

taichi was his own person now; he wasn’t in love with you anymore, he was in love with himself

and he was enjoying himself

taichi didn’t look back, not anymore

80 notes · View notes

gleekto · 4 years

Text

Summary: College AU/Famous!Blaine and Fanboy!Kurt - Kurt POV

Kurt really doesn’t have time to figure out the dating world between being a freshman at prestigious theatre school, LAADA, and his active but secret blogging life in the Sing!Fandom. So what if Sing! ended last year? There are still fics to read and actors to follow. Especially the uber talented heartthrob lead, Blaine Anderson. He can act. He can sing. He can even dance. He’s gay. He’s out. And he’s only 24. Kurt is willing to twiddle his thumbs and click refresh until Blaine Anderson’s next project.

He just didn’t expect the next project to be on his roommate Rachel’s new TV show.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11

Even Better than the Real Thing (12/13)

“You’re here.”

In the last ten minutes, Kurt has gone from being sure Blaine was going to put a bounty on his head for that fan pic, to thinking that he maybe managed not to be totally cancelled as a friend, to suddenly having to process that Blaine is at his doorstep, casual and deliberately sexy, staring at him like they both have too many clothes on. And Kurt, not having expected any guests in the late morning, is still in his pyjamas. At least they’re silk.

“Looks like it.” Blaine steps inside and closes the door. Kurt is in full surprise mode at seeing Blaine right here, right now, so open and obvious and hot. His heart thuds. It’s such a rush that he unconsciously scrunches his eyes shut under the electricity of it.

“Don’t look too happy to see me,” Blaine laughs, gently reaching out to touch Kurt’s upper arm.

“I am.” Kurt opens his eyes wide again. “I really am. I just was not expecting you. At all. Two days ago, I was sure you would never speak to me again after you discovered my alter ego. And then okay, we talked - like the mature adults we are -” Kurt emphasizes and Blaine chuckles, “And I was not going to have to hide in a corner should we ever meet again. But then tumblr haunted me yet again and suddenly I’m either your public fake boyfriend while you secretly have an affair with Rachel or your new younger fanboy toy and-”

“An accurate summary,” Blaine interrupts, hand still gently on his arm.

“So I mean this sincerely, but also with maybe a sprinkle of my usual sass,” Kurt huffs and closes his eyes, trying not to just melt under Blaine’s gaze like the Wicked Witch under a drop of rain, “Why are you here? And looking at me like that?”

“Well, I do care.” Blaine’s eyes are big and sincere and boring into him. Kurt backs up against the wall for support, Blaine close to his face, hand now rubbing his arm. “About your alter ego, I mean. There is no way I would have gone after you like I did if I had known. But the problem was that by the time I found out about LimaBlaineFan, I liked you already - the guy who goes to LAADA, and can handle Rachel Berry-”

“No small feat,” Kurt interjects.

“No. And despite all the guys and dates and Mr. Pinks, no one has been able to keep up with my more nerdy musical theatre side-”

“Who are you calling nerdy?”

"Oh I’m calling myself nerdy,” Blaine steps further into his space making it actually pretty difficult to concentrate on the nice things he seems to be saying, though Kurt isn’t quite sure because Blaine keeps looking from his eyes to his lips to his eyes and it’s very distracting. “And I’m rationalizing all this to myself because you did stop posting and it doesn’t actually seem like you were stalking me or trying to trick me into dating you-”

“I’m not clever enough to pull that off, I’m afraid.”

“So apparently, for you, my golden rule is made to be broken.” Kurt is pretty sure he hears that correctly. “And about the fan photo - I can’t care about stuff like that. I mean, I can go to coffee with Rachel tomorrow - suddenly I’ll be a conflicted bisexual falling for my co-star.”

“You think you’re being sarcastic but actually, there is definitely a segment of tumblr that firmly believes you’re gay for pay.”

“Oh I know,” Blaine sighs, exhaling into Kurt’s breath. “I admit I don’t really understand the theory, but I know they’re out there. And they’re wrong.” Blaine’s less than subtle roaming eyes become too much so Kurt closes his own under the scrutiny. “As for why I’m looking at you like that,” Blaine is an inch from his face. “I’d rather show you.”

“God,” Kurt breathes out while Blaine’s mouth lands on his, his body pressing Kurt up against the wall of his living room. Finally kissing him. Blaine’s mouth and tongue move slowly and deliberately, making the kiss long and dirty.

After minutes of tasting and slow drags of Blaine’s tongue on his neck and behind his ear and on his throat, Kurt looks down and shakes his head, a giggle slipping out.

“Are you ticklish?” Blaine asks, taking his earlobe between his teeth.

“No,” Kurt shivers. “I’m laughing because when I saw that picture on tumblr, I really had no idea what you were going to do to me.”

“I can show you if you’d like.” Kurt supposes he asked for that one. Blaine grabs his ass, pushing their bodies together. He’s getting hard and he knows Blaine can feel it - silk pyjamas not leaving much to the imagination. “I’d like to start by getting you out of these,” Blaine pulls at his pyjamas, puts his hands up inside the shirt, and lets his hands explore. Kurt lifts Blaine’s t-shirt slightly, tentatively mirroring him. “And you,” Blaine pauses. “Can finally see me shirtless.” His blog will forever haunt him, he’s sure.

Kurt looks up at the ceiling, exasperated. “You don’t even feel like that guy, you know. The Blaine Anderson on my blog who I wished had a shirtless scene. You just kind of look like him.”

When Kurt looks back down, Blaine is shirtless, having made quick work of his loose t-shirt, and the top button of his jeans is undone. He’s like a Chippendale’s dancer live in his living room. And Kurt is trying very hard not to be too overwhelmed by the show. “You wouldn’t know,” Blaine says as he saunters towards Kurt’s bedroom. “You never saw him shirtless.”

Kurt follows, sitting down on the edge of his bed, trying to catch his breath. It’s a lot this shirtless, sexual Blaine openly wanting him and he wants it to last. Blaine walks up to him, takes his hands and places them on his chest, and starts to massage Kurt’s chest again under his shirt, before lifting it over his head.

“I still don’t know what I’m doing, by the way.” The confession just tumbles out and he can’t take it back. Like maybe he could just try to figure things out without routinely making himself seem so innocent.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten,” Blaine says, leaning down and kissing his neck, while running his thumbs deliberately over Kurt’s nipples. Blaine is such a playful flirt and it’s completely unnerving. “Though my little stroll through your former tumblr does give me a hint of what you might like.”

He really is never going to forgive himself for leaving his laptop open. “Just to clarify, I do not want a threesome. I just liked that author. So don’t get any ideas.”

Blaine laughs and crawls on to Kurt’s bed, pulling Kurt to lie down beside him as he takes out his phone. “Oh I have lots of ideas.” Kurt sees more screen caps. Great. Blaine shows him an ask he vaguely remembers from maybe three years ago -

Anonymous asks:

Do you think Blaine has had sex? I mean, he’s only 21 and was from a small town and he’s gay.

LimaBlaineFan: Yeah. He’s an adult and is a heartthrob TV star living out in LA. Lots of sex to be found, I’m sure.

“Well, you were right about that,” Blaine shrugs. “My first time was with a guy I hooked up with right before Sing! started airing. It may sound stupid but I wanted to be with someone before fame might hit - and you never know why someone might want you.”

“It’s not stupid,” Kurt says quickly. “Not at all.”

“Well, we didn’t do everything,” Blaine adds. “But I did give my first blowjob, so it counts.”

Blaine is very open - with language, with emotions, with sex. It’s a little intimidating. A lot sexy. Kurt curls up to him and starts kissing his neck. “Lucky guy.”

“You’re about to be just as lucky,” Blaine says easily. “Maybe luckier. I’ve honed my skills.” Okay, Blaine plans to give him a blowjob. “And by the way, this next one is the last screen cap I have. Maybe it’s poetic justice but this one is kind of hot.” Oh god. Blaine scrolls to another old ask:

Anonymous asks:

Hey LBF - I know you said you’re not a one night stand kind of guy but if you could have one night with Blaine, what would you do?

LimaBlaineFan: Well this isn’t going to happen so might as well give you my wildest dream - which would be everything, I guess? I have no experience so who knows what I like but pretty sure his amazing ass would have to feature.

“We can stop reading these now, right?” Blaine laughs and nods. “And we can delete them forever? Because I’m really not talking about the same you and I really don’t feel like that horny fanboy right now.”

“Oh I hope you are at least the horny part.” Blaine turns on to his side, slipping his hand into Kurt’s pyjama pants and on to his ass.

“Oh my god, shut up.”

“I will,” Blaine says, kneading his ass and kissing along his chest while Kurt tries to breathe. “But first, I would like to propose to you that unlike your alter ego, you will not only get one night with “Blaine”. And also unlike your alter ego, I don’t think we should do everything,” Blaine looks up at his eyes, “Yet. But I would like to suck you-” Blaine moves his hand to Kurt’s front and squeezes. Okay, he did just say that. “And whatever you want to do, I am sure my ass could definitely feature. I hope it lives up to the hype.”

They’re kissing again before Kurt can respond and Blaine is making quick work of getting him very hard, very fast. “I want to go first,” Kurt says, reluctantly pulling his body away from Blaine. “It’s too fast otherwise. I want to try.” Kurt tugs at Blaine’s jeans and hopes his meaning is clear.

“Okay,” Blaine nods, looking sexy and excited and very willing. “Okay.” Blaine gets up and quickly and pulls off his pants and briefs. He’s standing in front of Kurt, still lying on the bed, naked and bold and not shy at all. “How would you like to-” Kurt’s contemplating. “I have an idea,” Blaine says before Kurt has a chance to decide. He looks mischievious. “If you’re serious about wanting my ass involved.”

“Of course,” Kurt says and sits up, going for false confidence. He’s watched enough porn to know that this can’t be that difficult. And there is something so easy about being with Blaine.

“If you want, which is cool either way,” Blaine starts. “You can go on you knees in front of me-”

“My knees?”

“Yeah,” Blaine looks sheepish. “I admit it’s hot to me. Should we forget it?”

Kurt drops a pillow on the floor and drops to his knees. It’s worth it just to see Blaine’s jaw drop slightly. “Go on.”

“Wow,” Blaine holds Kurt’s face. “You’re amazing.” Blaine breathes in. “Okay, so go ahead and open for me.” Blaine holds his hard cock in his hands and traces it on Kurt’s lips as he opens his mouth. Kurt concentrates on what he knows for the first few minutes, lick under the head, cover his teeth, good suction. Blaine moves in and out slowly, and Blaine’s little moans encourage him. He’s doing it. “Now grab my ass, Kurt,” Blaine says. “Don’t be shy - grab it. Use your fingers. I like it.” Blaine’s hands move to Kurt’s head, pushing him gently further, while Kurt holds firmly on to Blaine’s ass. “Stick in a finger, Kurt. I can take one without lube. Yeah, that’s it. You’re so hot. Amazing.” The image is overwhelming - Blaine pushing into his mouth, his finger pushing into Blaine. Blaine’s movements get faster. “I don’t want to choke you,” Blaine pants. “I’m going to pull out and come on both of us. Then I’m going to suck you until you scream.” Kurt is groaning around his cock as he pulls out, and comes on Kurt’s chest and his own legs. Kurt gently pulls his finger out.

Without cleaning anything, Blaine pushes Kurt down on to the bed, pulls off his pyjama bottoms, and sinks down on him. He plays with his own come on Kurt’s chest as he encourages Kurt up and into his mouth. “Fuck my mouth, Kurt. I can take it,” He says before sinking down again. Kurt feels the build up, lets himself moan loudly in the empty apartment. “Let me hear it, Kurt.” Kurt’s sound is guttural as he comes down Blaine’s throat.

Wow - if that isn’t the best sex he’s ever had. Which it obviously is but wow.

“Kurt, you are fucking amazing,” Blaine pants as he sits up and catches his own breath. “So open and sexy and hot.” Maybe the newest thing about all this is those labels being given to him. By Blaine Anderson. Definitely not the guy on television.

“You’re alright,” Kurt says back. Sarcasm is safer as he cuddles into Blaine’s side, letting Blaine clean them both up as he catches his breath. He is feeling pretty good about his first performance. “Your ass is definitely better than that TV star’s.”

...

As they lie in bed, practicing Blaine’s upcoming scene with Kurt playing Rachel, Kurt’s phone buzzes.

Mercedes: It’s official. The first RPF is out - Kurt and Blaine.

Kurt quickly texts back: Do not send that to me.

“Do they know your real name?” Blaine looks scandalized.

“Only my first name.”

Mercedes: Well, you may be more interested in this one. That faux entertainment ‘zine guy, JustJay, thinks he has the scoop from the coffee shop.

Kurt: You mean the top secret news that Blaine Anderson dips biscotti while chatting with a friend?

Blaine laughs as he reads the text over Kurt’s shoulder and then the link at JustJay. Kurt sees the melodramatic headline of Who is the pretty face having coffee with Sing!’s favorite heartthrob? and he’s pretty sure that he is more scandalized than Blaine. Here it is Sing! fans, the photo everyone is talking about...

“Ha!” Kurt laughs out loud as he shuts the computer. “JustJay has a very skewed view of who exactly is everyone.”

“I can handle this, no problem. My publicist has probably already left me four messages.” Blaine checks his phone. “Only two - JustJay isn’t the big time yet. Only question then is whether there is something to talk about here.” Blaine looks at him sincerely, almost vulnerable.

“What do you mean? Like I don’t want to be the front cover of TMZ, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No. I’m asking if this is happening?”

“I think it just did.” Kurt bites at Blaine’s shoulder, too nervous to answer.

“You’re really making me pull teeth now? So should it happen again, Kurt?”

“You’re asking as if the answer could be anything other than yes.”

“Never meet your idols. They might disappoint.”

Kurt stares at the ceiling and laughs, shaking his head. “Or they could be you.”

#even better than the real thing #it's time #gleekto writes

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visambros · 5 years

Text

For the sake of my future, I am leaving Tumblr.

I haven’t been very active on here, and I know I haven’t been particularly talkative either, but I’m making this post to let people know that I’m going. I may delete this blog in the future, but I’m keeping everything for now.

There is a long list of reasons why I’m doing this, but if you don’t want to read the entire post then the long story short version is: My life is a dumpster fire that will not change for the better unless I devote as much of my free time as possible into improving my craft so I can make a living through my art/writing.

Full details under the cut.

I’ve been planning on making this post for a while, but I didn’t want to abandon this account forever because despite not being as active on here as I used to be in the past, I’m still emotionally attached to my account and still wanted to use Tumblr as a means of entertainment when I wasn’t working. And I knew that if I made this post, I’d have to commit to staying away and I wanted to avoid that. But two things happened last Sunday that acted as a major wake up call for me.

1) There was a false alarm at a power plant not too far away from where I live. I don’t live in the same city as the power plant, but I live in what would be the danger zone should the power plant have a melt down. The false alarm for the power plant was issued in the morning. I don’t have a cell phone, but my sister (who I share a room with) does and received the alert for the “meltdown”. Since it woke her up, she was tired and accidentally exited the alert without reading it first. She then went back to sleep.

Now I don’t blame my sister for doing this. Hell, I probably would’ve done the same thing in her shoes. My issue lies in the fact that, had there been an actual emergency, I would’ve a) slept through it or b) had no reliable way of getting out of the city. I can’t drive, never learned how, so I couldn’t have driven myself to safety if my mom had decided not to leave the house (I know what you’re thinking; “why wouldn’t she leave the house?” and honestly she most likely would’ve left the city, but my mom has made enough stupid decisions throughout her life that her staying home isn’t outside the realm of possibility for me to believe).

Even though I know it was a false alarm, it’s still scary to think about how I could’ve died- or at least gotten very sick- had it been a real meltdown. I hate living in this city and I want to move, but I don’t have the means to do so at the moment.

2) My stepfather. For those who don’t know, my mom married a man she only knew for a few months and he is a horrible human being. He has threatened to kill me and my mom in the past, has been arrested multiple times since arriving to Canada (late last year he was arrested for possession of heroin), and is altogether an unpleasant and annoying man to be around.

So last Sunday night, I was doing the dishes when I heard a knock at the door. It was my stepfather, who had left the house for whatever reason and had returned. However, as I neared the door, I noticed that it was unlocked. He could’ve let himself in, but for whatever reason he was still knocking. I suddenly got it in my head that he wanted me to open the door so he could yank me outside without having to drag me through the house first.

I know that sounds paranoid, but the man is disturbed. I don’t think I’ve gone a week without at least worrying once that I was going to come home to my stepfather having murdered everyone else in the house while I was out. Added to the fact that he and I really hate each other and I was the one to call the police on him two times, and I think you could forgive me for thinking that he might try to hurt me if given the chance.

Despite my fears, I still opened the door for my stepfather. He didn’t attack me. He just went back inside and did whatever it was that he did. But even though nothing happened to me, I was still wound up for about five minutes and it felt like all the nerves in my body (especially my arms) were somehow taut and weak at the same time.

Aside from my sister, who is my only bright spot in this house, I don’t want to live with or have anything to do with this family anymore. I would’ve left years ago if I could. But again, I don’t have the means to do so at the moment.

This is why I’m leaving Tumblr.

I know that it’s super hard and almost impossible to make a decent living off the arts. I know I could try and try for the next decade and still not get anywhere I want to be. But I need to try, because I’m tired of my life being the way it is right now and I’m scared that things will never get better if I’m too passive.

I currently work at Walmart. I’m on my feet during the majority of my shift and my legs and knees hurt so bad I think I might be doing long lasting (but hopefully not permanent) damage to them. I work evenings, so I only have mornings and the weekends to get my art and writing done, but I’m so tired that my artistic productivity tends to drop off after Monday morning.

It’s too easy to spend my mornings and weekends procrastinating. It’s too easy for my life to turn into sleep>eat>Walmart>sleep>eat>Walmart until the day I die. The fact that it’d be so easy for me to be an old woman and still be at a similar stage in my life, even if I work my ass off trying to get my art/writing career going, fills me with so much existential dread I can hardly stand it.

But I’m tired of being so poor I could only visit my biological dad once while he was in the hospital for cancer. I’m tired of living with student loans that never seem to end. I’m tired of working at a job that demands so much of my time and energy. I’m tired of living in an area where people keep getting murdered in a less than a ten minute walk from my house. I’m tired of being afraid that I’ll come home from work and see police outside my house and body bags being taken into an ambulance. So I have to try, even if my chances of success are low.

I know I chose a bad career path for someone who wants to be financially comfortable. “Starving artist” is a stereotype that exists for a reason. But aside from it being my passion, I know I’m not good enough at anything else to make a proper living doing anything else. If I can’t make my dreams a reality, I’ll just be stuck in retail for the rest of my life, and I would honestly rather die than live like that. And I don’t want to die. Despite my anxiety and depression issues, despite the fact that I sometimes struggle with suicidal idealization, I don’t want to die. I just want my life to get better.

So when I say I’m leaving Tumblr, I don’t mean I’m just leaving Tumblr. I mean I’ll be using the internet as a whole for mainly a research/resource tool for my art and writing. Which means I’ll be spending very little time for leisure on the internet. It also means I won’t be socializing much anymore, which sucks because I like having internet friends (even though I’m bad at keeping in touch) but if I want my dreams to come true, I can’t be distracted by anything, even other people. From this point onward, I’ll essentially be working (almost) nonstop, only taking enough breaks so my brain doesn’t melt from the stress.

I know this is all very extreme, but I really haven’t fully expressed how absolutely desperate I am for my life to stop being so horrible. Maybe if I grind hard enough, things will be okay someday.

If you made it this far, thank you. And I’m sorry if I ever did anything to make you uncomfortable or hurt you in any way.

Goodbye everybody.

#personal

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incarnateirony · 5 years

Note

Isn't it cute how we keep finding RL parallels to show that what they're doing with Destiel is a Romance with a capital R, and now the show itself used Destiel as a parallel to show that Saileen is a romance (even tho everyone already knew That)? And they'll come back to eachother eventually? Wow. I hope I got my point across, but this thought hasn't left me since the "What's real?" "This is." convo between Sam and Eileen. Two sister ships are driving this season, and I'm all here for it.

Yeah.

The fandom result is less fun, with people calling text subtext because they simply don’t understand the text’s merit (eg, Last Call) that was settled long before anybody in this fandom considered themselves a genius to try to argue circles around it. Like Y2K called it wants to update fandom on some LGBT issues already settled. Oz was… what? 1997-2003? (Which is when Bobo ended up writing his LGBT rep sociopolitical commentary?)

The show has me ecstatic. The fandom has me reeling in horror in how willfully LGBT people have coded themselves into a performative-to-het-demands-culture that they’ll talk down content and structure used for romantic het pairings even when it’s front and center.

This isn’t the world of subtextual secret handshakes anymore, guys. I don’t know if meta fandom is reeling on what an actual Will They/Won’t They looks like as opposed to, yes, S7 wallpapers or fish or whatever rando shit got chased as a stream; or even compared to lowkey structural subtext like Colette which hid so many layers beneath the surface that it needed to be actively negotiated and tracked.

Not front, textual assertions that Dean does in fact have Oz-esque group encounters beyond even Deanmon, that he alone had to bury Cas and burying Eileen was the same for Sam, only to turn around and have them mirror shit and truncate their emotional adventure with a kiss and fandom’s out here footstomping and invalidating the text level bullshit because it’s not said how they want, when they want.

Like guys that shit is text. People not understanding the text does not make it non-text. Whether or not you know your LGBT history and intersectional issues (or have modernly soaked dialogue from alt right platforms that XYZ isn’t gay if you yell no homo, since there’s even parts of the world where men identify “straight” despite routinely pursuing sex with men and abandoning women that FOR SOME REASON PEOPLE HERE CATER TO THE DIALOGUES OF) – whether you know any of this, whether you UNDERSTAND this – the information still exists.

People still try to explain that the earth is flat instead of round because they don’t understand science, or evolution for the same reason. That doesn’t mean there’s actually reasonable permissive argument here. In fact, it’s embarrassing as fuck to watch anyone hold one of these arguments. People not understanding material does not invalidate what the material actually means.

And seriously like– “WE WANT–” … what, a love confession or a kiss, I guess. All the other goalposts that were set up were blown by. The former love yous and similar phrasings (I guess we’re herding love affirmations into ONLY three specific words and otherwise it’s not valid, because… Magic Meta Gay People Rules) weren’t enough! And! AND! Even the ones that WERE those three words, people could arGUE!!! It might not be gaY!!!

So let’s be honest bitters & meta fandom & alternate shippers having sixteen jealousy fits: You don’t even want an I Love You, because it would have to be “I love you, and like, only you, romantically, like in love with you, in the gay way, let’s go have gay sex” for this to pacify this utterly homophobic ball of bullshit they have going on.

So we’ll be honest. You want a kiss.

That’s great. I do too.

At the same time, I can gesture you to a literally endless amount of history where literature and TV did not require a kiss for the romantic content to be valid and even celebrated.

That’s not what magically makes all the text text. The text is the text.

The subtext is elements like Reno, and Mary/John, or Amara/Chuck, and even those are loud as FUCK still. Ironically, *the text is quieter than the subtext right now*

If you take the text: Dean has repeat group encounters that are decades-ago LGBT qualified as queer; Dean loses all hope without Cas, once he has to bury Cas, and Eileen does the same for Sam.

The subtext of this: Dean actually forgot an entire woman in his tryst, which means she wasn’t a focus, which makes this gayer than the default gay text; Dean yet again followed viking widower tradition with Cas as a spouse and buried him himself.

This is literally “Cas is Dean’s Collette” but 1. fully textual instead of 3 levels under and 2. much more personal with a full character we witnessed with Eileen rather than flashbacks of Colette for a few seconds. The text here has subtext. It is text. Whether people understand the text, like the LGBT issues around 15.07 or not is an onus on them, but does not invalidate the content. People not understanding Gays doesn’t delete Gays, that isn’t how that works.

Because the hilarity of the line people trying to keep their blogs valid at– that they’re running? All text is subtext unless all text is explained unto a point that it can’t be argued, but that of course leaves the explanation subtext until it, too, is explained beyond a shadow of a doubt to children, and then so on, ad infinity, in a quantum loop of calling everything under god’s written heaven subtext.

I had a conversation with a meta writer who won’t be named that went full bore in a loop. They called it subtext. I pointed out where it was flat surface text. Yes, they said, that IS text, but people can still argue, so that makes it subtext. Uh, no, I pointed out, that isn’t how this works or what those words mean, someone’s understanding of the meaning of text does not invalidate the actual meaning the words have. Arguing with a phantom menace of a GA that’s all catching on right now to contend with tinhatters and a few other oddballs out there that are hilariously small and not in the GA eye isn’t worth changing the entire dictionary. Because The Dictionary Is A Good Book. If someone doesn’t understand all the words in the dictionary and what they mean that, also, does not invalidate the dictionary if it doesn’t have an infinite set of asterisks defining every definition. Anyway, said meta person completely went postal about it after that because after trying to loop the same argument three times and realizing They Will Always End Up Here, off they went when I said that arguing with idiots online wasn’t worth demolishing the dictionary, media study, or queer content.

AV medium seems to be confusing the fuck out of people that fancy themselves or are even degreed lit savants.

But hey, maybe there’s a ruse being played. Maybe Bobo already got that lucky corporate dice roll and is playing into his thematic structure. Maybe he will manage to break through with a kiss. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Frankly more than to argue with idiots, I kind of want it to exemplify the gross homophobia going on in this fandom. And I don’t mean antis. I mean every single person, right here and right now, redefining things to maintain their hysteria and anger or even just their general relevance/podium that evaporates if they acknowledge that it is what it is; that every bit of queer text AND subtext they talked down and deleted and tried to wedge into “platonic” boxes due to their own lack of LGBT cultural understanding was real, and valid, and while antis screamed and shouted raging at the text as provided, they were the ones there, being enemies this year, deleting queer content until their arbitrary goalpost, fulfilling as it may be, and as much as I personally want it too, was met. But if that happens, IF that happens, it WILL be by Bobo’s hand or Dabb’s with Bobo’s guidance, and I can PROMISE you he will make it such a sociopolitical commentary on the heteronormative bullshit going on (like his DreamHunter commentary that BLEW BY everyone) that I expect several people to delete their damn accounts in mortal embarrassment.

This season is gorgeous everyone. Enjoy it.

For the record, if that million to one shot is on the table, the episode everyone should watch for results, beyond the finale, is 15.18. I’m not gonna get into all the reasons here beyond Putrefaction/Blackening > Whitening > Yellowing > Reddening = Gold and if anybody wants to know what the fuck I mean by that, send me an ask. (I’m working on a Putrefaction video to plug into my series to help with that. And beyond that pacing, structure, rhythm, and Bobo. But that also does not mean anyone should seriously place their emotional chips on it, just to stop getting cranked up and demanding THIS NEXT EPISODE OR PERISH.)

Because if you think there’s ever a point homophobes are gonna stop arguing shit down, you’re in for a bad time. Straight pairs like Mulder/Scully that kissed got no romos mental gymnasticsing around it. If you expect differently with DeanCas you’re IN FOR A RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE

But I don’t want to hear one more goddamn peep about representation from that wing of meta fandom. The representation is there, front and center, to relate to for the intended demographic, it just wasn’t what other demographics wanted. But it’s written by a middle aged LGBT man for middle aged LGBT men and if you aren’t in that bracket, and don’t like the results, you don’t get to go and try to destroy that representative material. Hell if you ARE in that demographic you don’t get to one-card steam roll over other LGBT men too, the way it works from there is you find other people in that demographic and discuss the content’s pros and cons. If it ends at “not the ship I like” instead of genuine problems with the content, you also don’t get to destroy that for other people in the demographic. So whether it’s like, desperate clout/platform/relevance clinging, or just complete lack of understanding of LGBT media history and the represented demographic, that shit needs to stop. Pick a side.

You can’t genuinely fight for representation while going and kicking down rep sandcastles because they weren’t shaped how you want. That isn’t how it works. It works by owning the content, and requesting better or more. Requesting more explicit content does not require destroying the content you don’t consider “enough”, in front of you.

Overt queer subtext AND text remain an overt body within the text even if it does not reach a given explicit landmark that you personally have decided on and is 0% dependent on anyone’s understanding of the fucking content.

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rendezvous-ramblings · 4 years

Note

Are you concerned about E finding your blog? Would you ever tell him about it, and how would you navigate that conversation, if you did? I think that you’re one of the best tc blogs, with regards to your levelheadedness, respect for privacy (both yours and others), and your advice, so thank you!

Hi,

I'm not really concerned about E finding my blog. My phone is always put away whenever we see each other. We both would rather be present in each other's company. So I'm never blogging or actively checking Tumblr in front of him. E can borrow my phone whenever he wants. I'm transparent about what's on it because I have nothing to hide. He's just not that interested in social media and finds more toxicity in it than benefits. I have my notifications turned off for Tumblr as they can get overwhelming. E knows I just have the standard Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat.

I don't think I'll ever tell E about my blog. I shifted more towards advice giving. I do have anecdotes of our relationship here and there but it's no longer the focal point like when I first started. I'm sure one day I'll feel my time on Tumblr is over and I'll just simply deactivate. It will likely happen when I have more priorities once I finish graduate school. I also actively ask people to please delete their reblogs of my personal updates when they don't see the note in my header. That way, I won't have a paper trail when I do decide to leave the platform. Also maybe it's due to my inactivity combined with the pandemic but I do feel like there's less people asking for advice nowadays? Hopefully being active and more engaged doesn't attract more trolls because we all don't need more drama.

If I ever did tell E, I feel like it might be slightly weirded out that I share our moments online as he's a pretty private person. We've both only told our friends and aren't "out" with our respective sets of parents/family. We would rather wait when I'm in a more stable position (financially/job wise) so we can prepare for the worst case scenario of excommunication or backlash from mine. I don't want to be a partner who can't contribute if we end up living together. E doesn't need that but it's just the morals/principles I have when it comes to relationships.

He could also be the type to tease me relentlessly about posting sappy things about him. I'm sure he would think the advice/help aspect of my blog is considerate of me. Blogging on here can be cathartic at times when I'm not oversharing. I entrusted my best friends with my relationship though I'm sure they do get tired of listening me rave about E all the time 😅 It's nice to have a place to gush about little moments when E makes me happy especially during these times.

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy my blog and the responses that I put out there! I know it's not always what people want to hear but I definitely want tcers to see a different perspective and rationalize before making their decisions. I can empathize with the emotional rollercoaster because I see myself in all of you when I was first crushing on E five years ago (wow, crazy how it's going to be half a decade!).

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wolfpawn · 5 years

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 19

Chapter Summary - Danielle tries to talk with Paul, but it doesn't really go well.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Danielle did not wait for either man to follow her inside; she simply went straight into her kitchen and got a glass of water. “Well?” she turned when she had downed it to face the two men she knew followed her into her home. “I’m listening.”

“Danielle…” “You know, since yesterday, you have not called me ‘Danni’; not in the whole time you are in his company.” She pointed out.

“I…” “I owe you an apology.” Charles interrupted, walking forward a step but going no further when he saw the glare she had fixed on him. “I should not have been so…” “Racist, bigoted, plain rude, pick one, pick all for all I care, I have nothing to say to you other than it will be interesting to hear what the ethics committee have to say about your little rant seeing as it occurred in my work environment.” She stood as tall as her short stature would allow showing him how much she was conviction she had in the threat.

Charles' face fell and Paul walked over to her. “Danni…Danni; that could ruin his career.”

“Oh, now you both are realising the severity of that word, now; when it would involve a disciplinary, and not when it was used to insult me. That tells me everything I need to know.” She scoffed. Looking straight at Charles, she pointed to her kitchen door. “I think it best you leave my house right now.”

“Danielle…” Charles began. “I…Please…” “You don’t get to talk to me; your apology is about as real as an electoral promise,” Danielle growled, heading for her back door, where Mac Tíre was waiting to come in. As soon as the dog entered, he sensed the tension and looked around, trusting it not to be Paul, who he was used to, the dog eyed Charles with apprehension. When Danielle went over to where she had previously been standing, Mac stood between her and the stranger, his ears quickly flattening against his skull and his head low, eyes directly focused on Charles. “They say dogs are a great judge of character, but then again, he is named the Irish for the ‘Son of the Earth’ perhaps he knows he is in the presence of a Hibernophobe.”

Charles looked to Paul pleadingly. “Charles, could you go out to my car for a moment; I need to speak with my girlfriend alone.” He threw his keys to his friend. Charles nodded and went to leave, Mac growling at him as he did. “You ignored the florist.” He commented sadly, walking over to her.

“I was in bed with a migraine so bad I had to stop my car twice on the way home from work, I needed Emma and Tom to even get me half able to take more medication later in the day.” She snapped. “And you think I wanted to ignore some guy trying to just do his job delivering a few daisies?”

“They weren’t daisies.” Paul’s face fell.

“Paul…” “Danni,” Paul gently tilted her head up gently so she was looking at him, “Danni, I’m so sorry, I should have defended you, I should never have allowed Charles speak that way about you. At lunch, we spoke about it, Charles, Cedric, Noah and I, and the others agreed too, it was completely out of line.”

“I am glad your little committee realised casual racism isn’t alright.”

“Danni, you know I don’t think that way, I always knew you were Irish, that sort of thing is not an issue for me.”

“But you didn’t defend me.”

“I know, and I can never take that back, as much as I wish I could. I made a fool of myself Danni.” She raised a brow at him. “I made an absolute asshole of myself, and in the way only you can, you told me outright. I would never want you to change that about you, you did it with Diana’s son, with me, and even with Charles; you know, he has never had any woman sass him. He is a posh twat; he has never had a woman call him out on his shit.” “I would have thought it would be a regular occurrence for him with his demeanour.” Paul gave a chuckle. “I can’t do this Paul; I can’t be okay with what happened.”

Paul swallowed hard. “Is there any…do you think I can…?” “I don’t know. I need to think about it.”

Paul nodded, knowing how stubborn she was, any attempts to push her would cause her to become less open to listening to him. “I’m sorry Danni.” He leant in to give her a kiss, but she moved her head to the side.

“So am I.”

Paul pulled back. “Can I call you?”

“I probably won’t answer.” “You really hate phones?” Paul gave a sad, knowing smile. “I hate phone calls.” “I’ll text you so; you can read them, delete them or reply at your discretion.”

“That would be better, thank you.”

“I’m going to show you I’m sorry Danni, I know I cannot make you forgive me, but I’m going to prove it anyway.” He swore, patting Mac’s head before leaving; Danielle saying nothing as he left.

Paul got into his car and sat staring at the wheel for a minute. “Do you want me to drive?” Charles asked cautiously, Paul merely nodded, getting out and letting his friend swap seats with him. “She is an absolute ball-buster,” Charles commented as he reversed out of Danielle’s driveway. “Nice house, though.”

Paul gave a small nod. “Her attitude is one of the best things about her.” “You are bonkers, you know that?” Charles shook his head.

“I warned you already Charles, I can’t lose her because of this, I…I finally feel happy again, and it is because of her.”

“Seriously Paul, you know you are not well-matched, she’s too…I don’t know what it is exactly, but I’m telling you, though she is not Julie, even I can give her that, but she is not the one for you either.” The other doctor stated as they drove off.

As soon as they left, Emma moved away from the curtain. “What are you doing?” She turned to see her brother looking at her worriedly. Emma looked around the room, “I am going to drop this to Danielle.” She stated, grabbing a random book.

“Why?” “Because Paul was waiting outside her house, with some friend, one that Elle was anything but happy to see and they are after leaving already, I want to see if she is okay.”

Tom’s eyes widened, extending his hand, he looked his sister in the eye. “Give me the book.”

“Tom?” “Give it to me, Emma.” “Not until you tell me why.”

Not even waiting for her to give him the book, Tom turned around and went back to his room, getting out of his pyjama bottoms and into his jeans again before walking out his mother’s front door without an explanation.

Danielle took another headache tablet, knowing she would suffer more pain before the evening was over. When she heard the letterbox bang twice, she frowned, Mac Tíre jumped to his feet and whined excitedly. Knowing only one person knocked like that, Danielle went to the door. “Hey Tom, everything okay?”

He walked into her house and stood in her hallway. “Emma told me you had company.”

“They’re gone now.” “And that the man here with Paul made you look fit to spit fire.” “It was him, Charles, apparently he wanted to apologise.” “The man who called you…” “That word, yeah.”

“What happened?” Danielle looked at him. “Why do you care?” “Because you haven’t told anyone else, you need to talk to someone.” “Why you, though? Four weeks ago we weren’t even talking.” “Elle, I know you are still trying to see if I have changed back, but please, I don’t want you to be upset.” “He tried to apologise, but he didn’t mean it, so I may have used Mac as a way to encourage him to leave and it worked, and Paul left a minute later when he realised I wasn’t going to listen to bullshit.” “Good.” She frowned as she looked at him. “I mean its good you didn’t give in too easily, about what he said, or didn’t say as the case may be.”

“Yeah well, I am just going to go to bed, I’m officially done with today. Thanks for looking after Mac for me.” “We had a good walk, didn’t we?” Tom scratched the dog’s ear. “You did such a great job with him.” “My dad was a big part of that, he used have me look after the sickest puppies, I was lucky, they tended to survive.” “I think you don’t give yourself enough credit, I think it was something you did.” Tom smiled fondly. “I better get some sleep too, I am up at all hours.” “Rather you than me.” Danielle winced, thinking of his day ahead. “And thank you for checking up on me.”

“Anytime.” He grinned; satisfied she was alright after everything. When he arrived at his mother's, Emma was waiting inside the door. “I…” “What is going on Tom, it is clearly not okay, Elle is not okay.” “I am sure Elle will tell you, but she is just pissed off at the moment, just wait for her to explain it,” Tom stated. “And don’t text her, she is going to bed.” “She said she wasn’t tired.” “Well apparently she is done with today, so I would think that means her watching YouTube video’s until she dozes off,” Tom called down, as he ascended the stairs.

Paul 10:35pm– I really am sorry Danni, I wish I knew how to show you how much I am.

Danielle 10:43pm – I know you are, your apology actually was heartfelt, but his wasn’t, I am not sure I can deal with you being friends with such a man.

Paul 10:45pm– He can be an idiot sometimes.

Danielle 10:47pm– That is not being an idiot, that is being a racist; there’s a huge difference.

Paul 10:51pm– Danni, I would do anything for you.

Danielle 11:03pm– I don’t want you to, that’s the issue.

Paul 11:04pm– I don’t understand.

Danielle 11.16pm– if you have you have to alter your life to include me in a way that negatively impacts something else Paul, maybe it’s for the best to not continue with this.

Paul 11:22pm– Danni, you don’t negatively impact anything, you are the first person I have actually felt anything for since…you are just so…you and I love that, I love what you bring to my life.

Danielle 12:13pm – But it is impacting on you. Charles and I are never going to be friends and that is going to put a strain on you. I know he means a lot to you, and that he was there after everything with your ex, and that shows there is some good in him, but what he said and his lack of regret shows me he and I can never get along.

Paul 12:16pm– Danni, please, I love you. I know that is not the best declaration of it to you will ever hear, and I know you are really upset with me right now, but I love you, and I want to make this up to you.

Paul 01:10am – Shit, Danni, I know that was too sudden and soon for you, I know I shouldn’t have said it, but I wanted, to be honest with you. Please say something.

Danielle 01:20 am – I am not sure what I can say to that, to be honest, Paul.

Paul 01:29am – Have I ruined everything?

Danielle 01:39am – I don’t know.

For the rest of the night, Danielle stared at the messages Paul had sent her, her focus fixed on the one where he told her not once, but twice in as many sentences of his feelings for her. Staring at the ceiling above her bed, she thought over the words and how much they clearly meant to Paul. He told her of how Julie had crushed him, of how he took over a year to even try and look at women again, and when he did, the only one that he could see was her. She had known about him liking her for a while, too long really, but she could only see one person herself, which of course was the epitome of idiocy on her behalf, seeing as Tom had never seen her, not in that manner at least. She knew, if she was being honest, that she only decided to even look at Paul because she was hurt after how Tom had acted, how he had focused in on her being alone too. That caused her to feel guilty, feeling that she had led Paul along, and she only even went to bed with him at all because she was upset over what the Wicked Bitch of the West had bullshitted to the media about her. If she had not been so hurt, could she have found herself with Paul; that she could not answer.

Her mind drifted to the afternoon with Emma, Tom and their family, how comfortable and happy she had been, that made her more anxious, because she never felt so at ease with Paul, and she knew that that would be even less likely now with how his supposed friend had treated her, to them; she would never be good enough, and that was not something she wanted to live with. She was not one to get sanctimonious over her career, but she took pride in it, and Charles was pissing all over it. Even thinking of that arrogant shit caused her to get annoyed. She tried not to let her anger at him affect her thoughts, but she couldn’t help it, he was a part of Paul’s life for years. But it came back to her own feelings on Paul and she had, to be honest with herself; there was no guarantee she could ever be as happy with Paul as being around Tom made her, nor could she guarantee that she couldn’t be.

Danielle 03:36am – text me when you get this.

Paul 03:37am – I’m up.

Danielle 03:40am – Can you come over?

Paul 03:41am – I’m heading now.

Tom yawned as he put the coffee into the travel mug and quietly made his way through his mother’s home, closing her front door as softly as he could as he left. He looked at Danielle’s as he went down the steps, frowning to see her porch light on at four-thirty in the morning, knowing it had not been on when he had left her house the evening before. Thinking little of it, he got into his car and threw his bag in the back seat before turning it on. As he left his mother’s drive he looked into Danielle’s, noticing immediately that there was a second car in it, a car he was convinced was Paul’s. though he could not explain why, his excitement for the day ahead dissipated and he felt a pang of jealousy rip through him as he drove off.

#I Hate you I Love You #chapter 19 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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the-desolated-quill · 6 years

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We Need To Talk About James Gunn - Quill’s Scribbles

This could prove to be the most controversial Scribble I’ve ever written on this blog, and the sad thing is it really shouldn’t be, in my opinion.

First off, a couple of disclaimers because I know some people are going to accuse me of ‘bias’. I’ve never been very fond of James Gunn as a filmmaker, it’s true. I thought the first Guardians Of The Galaxy movie was okay at best and I absolutely hated the sequel, but I confess that’s less to do with any inherent flaws in the films themselves and more to do with the fact that I just don’t like Gunn’s style of humour. Oh don’t get me wrong. There are still legitimate problems, which I’ll go into later when they become relevant, but I’m big enough to admit that my dislike for his brand of comedy and storytelling is merely due to my own subjective tastes (the same is true of Taika Waititi and Thor: Ragnarok).

Okay. So. Let’s talk about James Gunn.

As I’m sure most of you know, in July 2018, an alt-right conspiracy theorist called Mike Cernovich unearthed tweets made by Gunn between 2008 and 2012 where he made offensive jokes and remarks about sensitive topics such as rape, child abuse and paedophilia. While James Gunn did apologise and vowed to ‘do better,’ Disney, fearing the public backlash, fired Gunn as director of Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3 and dismissed him from any role in producing and expanding Marvel’s planned ‘Cosmic Universe.’ The result was the public backlash Disney were trying to avoid in the first place. They received a lot of criticism from various entertainers and filmmakers, as well as many media outlets such as Collider and The Independent, the cast of Guardians wrote a letter urging Disney to reconsider their decision with Dave Bautista in particular being very vocal in his criticism, and there was a massive outcry from fans who petitioned for Gunn to be rehired. Guy Lodge, writing for The Guardian, asked the question ‘Was James Gunn the first undeserving victim of Hollywood’s new zero tolerance policy?’ Now I’d argue the answer to that question is a definitive no, but apparently, and surprisingly, that’s not a very popular opinion among liberals. So I’d very much like to challenge them as we explore James Gunn’s moral character and ask ourselves why he’s being defended so passionately.

Before we go any further, I think it would be a good idea for me to show you some of the tweets that we’re talking about, just to remind everyone what we’re dealing with here.

Now I hope we can all agree that this is objectively disgusting. Only an amoral, depraved and utterly moronic individual would find offensive tweets like these even remotely funny. But I should make it clear that, by James Gunn’s own admission, these tweets represent who he was rather than who he is. In his apology, he described himself as a ‘provocateur’ during the early days of his career, making shocking statements for the purposes of ‘satire.’ But it’s okay because he’s a better person who has grown and matured fully and will never do this again. Fair enough, you’d think. He admitted what he did was wrong and apologised profusely. That was a very honourable and decent thing to do.

Except we’ve seen this song and dance before.

In 2012, roundabout when Marvel announced they were making a Guardians Of The Galaxy movie with James Gunn directing, an old blog post of Gunn’s resurfaced entitled ‘The 50 Superheroes You Most Want To Have Sex With.’ The original post has since been deleted, but cached versions still exist here and there around the internet if you know where to look. Here are a few quotes from said blog:

[on natasha romanoff, the highest ~debut] “considering she’s fucked half the guys in the marvel universe, that’s quite a feat”

[on batwoman] “i’m hoping for a dc-marvel crossover so that tony stark can turn her; she could also have sex with nightwing and still be a lesbian”

”Many of the people who voted for the Flash were gay men. I have no idea why this is. But I do know if I was going to get fucked in the butt I too would want it to be by someone who would get it over with quick.”

Needless to say, this was quite offensive and causing bad PR, so James Gunn issued an apology:

“A couple of years ago I wrote a blog that was meant to be satirical and funny. In rereading it over the past day I don’t think it’s funny. The attempted humor in the blog does not represent my actual feelings. However, I can see where statements were poorly worded and offensive to many. I’m sorry and regret making them at all.

People who are familiar with me as evidenced by my Facebook page and other mediums know that I’m an outspoken proponent for the rights of the gay and lesbian community, women and anyone who feels disenfranchised, and it kills me that some other outsider like myself, despite his or her gender or sexuality, might feel hurt or attacked by something I said. We’re all in the same camp, and I want to do my best to make this world a better place for all of us. I’m learning all the time. I promise to be more careful with my words in the future. And I will do my best to be funnier as well. Much love to all – James”

Sound familiar?

Now of course it’s unfair to judge the man based on past actions that he himself apologised for. What matters is the present. Whether or not he has demonstrated to a reasonable standard that his work has grown and matured and that his offensive idiocy is a thing of the past. So let’s look at the Guardians Of The Galaxy movies.

While the first movie received critical acclaim, a few people (particularly fans of the source material) complained about how Gamora was treated. The so called ‘most powerful woman in the galaxy’ was reduced to a love interest, an occasional damsel in distress and there were a few odd occasions where she was objectified and degraded based on her sexual history. The most prominent example of which is when Drax describes her as ‘a green whore.’ The context being that he was ignorant of how offensive he was being despite trying to compliment her and call her a friend, and this was played for laughs in the movie. The second movie has more examples. Gamora’s role still paled in comparison to the role she played in the comics, and a new female character called Mantis was introduced whose power level from the comics was also significantly reduced for the movie and whose character was effectively reduced to be a punchline/punching bag. There’s also a scene involving Drax where he frequently describes her as ugly, saying that "when you're ugly and someone loves you, you know they love you for who you are. Beautiful people never know who to trust." Again this is played for laughs. Except I’d argue that an adult man constantly fixating on a woman’s appearance isn’t even remotely funny.

Another disturbing aspect of the Guardians 2 was the way it seemed to romanticise and excuse abusive relationships. Obviously there’s Drax and Mantis, but the biggest example is Star Lord and Yondu. The first movie did a reasonably good job establishing what drew Star Lord and Gamora together. They were both trying to escape from abusive father figures. The second film does a complete U-turn, calling Yondu Star Lord’s ‘David Hasselhoff’ and giving him a gratuitous and overly sentimental funeral as though he were a noble hero. While I’m sure the death of Yondu would emotionally impact Star Lord to a certain extent (he did raise the kid after all), to say that he’s like ‘David Hasselhoff’ because he’s a better dad than Ego the Living Planet was seems like a very low bar to clear. By that logic, Hitler was a good person because he didn’t kill as many people as Stalin did. It’s tone deaf, lacking in nuance and just a little bit insulting.

Bearing all this in mind, has James Gunn grown and matured since the period between 2008 and 2012? That’s for you to judge. I’d personally argue he hasn’t. Sure he’s no longer as extreme or provocative as he once was, but that’s not necessarily proof that he’s matured. Rather he’s just gotten better at hiding his immaturity. And in my own subjective opinion, based on his work, I think Disney made the right decision in sacking him. Now let me be clear, I don’t think Disney sacked him in order to take a moral stand as a lot of the problematic elements in the Guardians films have carried over into other MCU films. Gamora is still treated like shit in Avengers: Infinity War, and Thanos, who, like Yondu, was clearly established in the first Guardians movie as an abusive father figure, has been woobified and turned into a kind of sympathetic anti villain who actually cared about his daughter and only killed her because he had no other choice (as opposed to, you know, because he is a maniacal despot who’s a few Oompa Loompas short of a chocolate factory). The reason Gunn was fired was because of bad PR. Disney had dealt with this shit before in 2012 and they weren’t prepared to deal with it again, so they dropped the baggage, as it were. It’s a very common occurrence in Hollywood. Which is what makes the public backlash against this decision so puzzling to me.

I can understand being upset that the director of your favourite franchise has been fired, but can we try to get some perspective here? What happened to Gunn is nothing unique. This kind of thing happens all the time. A filmmaker does something controversial or has been revealed to have done something controversial in the past, the studio sacks them in an attempt to save face and everyone gets on with their lives. The situation with James Gunn is no different. The only reason I can see why people are so passionately against this is because of how these tweets were unearthed in the first place. Because the discoverer of the tweets, Mike Cernovich, is a member of the alt-right, the liberal community seem predisposed to dismiss this out of hand, which I think is incredibly dangerous. Okay, yes, Cernovich is a Nazi and almost certainly didn’t do this out of the goodness of his heart, but even a broken clock is right twice a day. It doesn’t change the fact that the tweets still exist and that they’re still incredibly offensive. And all the things I’ve heard people say in defence of James Gunn sound very similar to things the right would say about the likes of Brett Cavanaugh and Donald Trump. ‘It was x number of years ago.’ ‘It’s not relevant to who he is now.’ ‘He’s changed.’ ‘You can’t judge someone based on their past mistakes.’ I mean... come on guys! Either everyone should be held to the same standard or nobody should be held to standards at all. You can’t just change tact just because the person in question has the same political ideals as you. What are we saying? It’s okay for liberals to hold conservatives accountable for past actions and behaviour, but the right can’t do it to the left because apparently it’s not as funny when they do it? It’s classic ‘them and us’ mentality and it’s got to stop.

So, why am I bringing all this up, you may be asking? This happened over six months ago Quill. Aren’t you a little late to the party? Well a couple of days ago, it was announced that Warner Bros and DC Films had hired James Gunn to write and direct a sequel to Suicide Squad.

Well... sequel isn’t quite the right word. Apparently it’s more along the lines of a reimagining. Titled ‘The Suicide Squad’, the film is going to follow a whole new cast of characters and effectively start from scratch. No doubt this is part of WB and DC’s attempts to salvage the DC Extended Universe after the critical and financial disaster that was Justice League, as well as a response to people’s criticisms of the previous Suicide Squad film.

Writer/director David Ayer’s version of Suicide Squad was... let’s be charitable and call it problematic. Many people criticised the film for being misogynistic, borderline racist due to the one dimensional characterisation, and particular outrage was directed toward Ayer’s attempts to romanticise the relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn. So it’s quite ironic that WB and DC are relying on James Gunn - James Gunn?!?! - to fix Suicide Squad when similar criticisms have been made toward the Guardians Of The Galaxy movies. That’s like hiring Harvey Weinstein to investigate sexual harassment claims.

And do you know what the funny thing is? We’ve been in this exact same situation before. In February 2017, news media started to report that WB and DC were eyeing Mel Gibson, the Oscar nominated director of Hawksaw Ridge and professional arsehole, to direct Suicide Squad 2. I even wrote a Scribble on it then. I heavily criticised WB and DC for caring more about snagging an Oscar nominated director to bolster their failing franchise than about holding certain ethical standards of decency within the industry. Oh, sure, Gibson has said many sexist, homophobic and antisemitic comments for years and has never at any point showed any hint of remorse for the amount of offence he’s caused, but he just made a good movie about Spider-Man fighting in World War II, so it all balances out, doesn’t it? We’re good, right? We’re cool. Gibson’s cool now. Yeah?

And now here we are seeing this play out again. James Gunn, a man who has said some incredibly offensive things over the years, is being hired by WB and DC to helm a new Suicide Squad movie and conveniently ignoring all the problematic shit surrounding him because he’s the guy that made those sci-fi films about the talking raccoon. People love those films. Let’s get him on board.

I’m getting so sick to death of actors and filmmakers getting away with shit and avoiding the consequences of their actions. James Gunn and his offensive tweets, Mel Gibson and his shitty behaviour, Kevin Hart and his temper tantrum when he was expected to apologise for being a homophobic prick. And the few times there are consequences for said actions, people of influence within the industry end up undermining it. WB and DC hiring James Gunn so soon after he was sacked by Disney, and Ellen fucking Degeneres ringing the Academy and persuading them to let Kevin Hart host the Oscars. Thankfully, and to his genuine credit, Hart turned it down, but seriously, what the actual fuck Ellen?! You’re LGBT, aren’t you? Why are you giving him a free pass? Do you have short term memory loss like the fish you voice in Finding fucking Nemo? Jesus Christ!

Finally, to people saying that Disney treated James Gunn too harshly for the tweets, may I remind you that when ‘The 50 Superheroes You Most Want To Have Sex With’ resurfaced in 2012, Disney still kept him on! He still got to write and direct two Marvel movies before finally getting the sack. And he was in talks to lead production in all future ‘Cosmic’ Marvel movies going forward before the resurfaced tweets made that impossible. Too harshly? I think he got off extremely lightly, frankly. I think he’s grotesquely lucky he’s still got a job at all. Let alone a job where he continues to direct tentpole blockbusters. For someone who was treated ‘too harshly’, he’s sure done alright for himself, hasn’t he? He’s not Oliver Twist begging movie studios to give him a film, cap in hand, ‘please sir, may I have some more?’ His position hasn’t changed one iota. That’s what we should be pissed off at. Not that he’s being unfairly punished. That he’s not being punished enough roughly seven years after the fact.

So what should we take away from all this? That we need to hold everyone accountable for their past actions and behaviour, regardless of whether they share our political beliefs or whether they were involved in films we actually like, and that the industry needs to do a better job of upholding the consequences of said actions. And regardless of whether you thought Disney were right to sack James Gunn, it cannot be denied that WB and DC handing the keys of another profitable franchise over to him so soon after this controversy is an incredibly irresponsible thing to do.

#anti james gunn #suicide squad #the suicide squad #guardians of the galaxy #dc extended universe #marvel cinematic universe #disney #quill's scribbles

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windowinto · 4 years

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Social Media

This post is just a thought vomit post: The feeling that I’m feeling is quite strange. As if I cannot show the world the things I genuinely appreciate. Social media terrifies me in every way possible to the point where it is entirely toxic. I constantly live in this panic or fear where everyone is laughing at me or judging me. I feel as if social media is a place where I should be able to express myself in whatever way I want to. Sadly that isn’t the case for me. As much as I would love to show the world or anyone who has an “interest” in following me, whether it’s a mutual “oh I know you ill follow or add you” thing, whatever, the things I love dearly and hold close to my heart. For instance I love Elliott Smith a lot and would love to share my love about him but I feel as if people will make fun of me for enjoying the beauty that is his music and self. I get so terrified or think “what is the point” or “who even cares?”. Social media is so strange and I feel like it has me pinned to the ground sometimes. It is always in the back of my mind. For the last few years I have consistently been on and off social media. I’ll have a stride of confidence and post on social media consistently but it never seems to last before I delete everything, Instagram, twitter, facebook. Ill start with Instagram and why it really scares me. With Instagram, I feel very pressured to upload pictures in a timely fashion. It’s almost a personal blog or a perspective from my eyes to share with the people who decide to follow me. There are people who follow me and will never interact with my posts when I do decide to post something. It makes me wonder what is the point in following me if you don’t like anything that I’m sharing, not in the sense of the actual like, but enjoying what I post? I would rarely post anything on Instagram, I turned my Instagram that is now deleted, into a page for my art. I was scared to share things I have created. Showing people something I like, a window into my brain, for them to judge, even though I have gotten good feedback on my art, at the end of the day I still think its not good. Yet another reason why I am afraid to post on social media. I have little to no ego or confidence in myself. Before my Instagram was my art page, I would sometimes upload selfies only because that is just, what we do nowadays? It felt like I had to fall in line and I felt this pressure to show the world how I was changing as a person. “ooh look at me” but in my head there is nothing to look at. I struggle with body dysmorphia. I look in the mirror every day and see someone completely different. It isn’t just a “I feel ugly today”. It is a brutal battle of one day I feel okay but 30 minutes later my face feels rearranged. I know it’s a very common feeling to never see what others see in yourself, but I look in the mirror a lot and can never figure it out. I’m not sure why, I just try to take time to really understand my face because too often I don’t understand it at all. My face is very A-symmetrical and I feel to be beautiful you must have good face symmetry. My face has twist and turns, which most people might not notice, maybe they do. It is just something I really struggle with. Some days I feel normal, my face looks fine, but some days it feels like someone took a blender to my face. The thing with mirrors and phone cameras you only see the mirrored version of yourself. That is what you are used to. So seeing pictures of me that aren’t mirrored throws my head into a fucking spiral of insecurity. I tend to avoid pictures with people or having people take pictures or videos of me because all I can do is watch the video or stare at the picture for hours wondering what other people are going to think of me and my contorted face and body. I know that no person is perfect and we all have our imperfections, but exposing mine to the world is terrifying. Pictures are different. They give people time to dissect and focus on your imperfections for as long as they want. People terrify me. I’ve been bullied when I was younger and I have been made fun of over the years for looking certain ways, dressing certain ways because I’m not what they want me to be. I just want to be myself without judgement. Being able to be genuine and to not be made fun of for “trying too hard” or “trying” to have a certain look. I always get thrown under certain labels and its so frustrating. “haha you are a sad boy” or stupid remarks as if I’m trying to be anything but myself. I am terrified to be myself because it will never be good enough for anyone. I have been around a lot of toxic friend groups where they even make fun of their best friends. They make evil remarks or judge them for having a stride of confidence or trying new things. I love when people express themselves or try new things instead of staying in the same box that people put them in. It just seems others like to make fun of people for trying something new or pushing the boundaries of what is “them”. Self exploration is a beautiful thing that everyone should focus on every now and then. We should all try to expand on ourselves and strive for the best versions of ourselves. Who likes being the person stuck in a box? Where is the fun in that? That is just a perspective of mine but I always feel forced into this box. Which is a big reason I stay away from posting pictures of myself because if I post a picture of myself I am either “cocky” “too confident” or “trying too hard”. I took a picture of myself. That’s all I did. I had no intentions other than to just show people hey this is what I look like today and for once I don’t feel like my face was hit with a tornado. With Instagram I feel if I don’t post frequently or become inactive then people will start to not care. I’m not sure why I have this feeling of wanting people to care, but that’s how social media feels to me. You follow me for some reason, maybe because you care, who knows. There’s certain people who like to look down on me because I’m constantly changing and they might of liked or are used to a previous version of myself. Some people don’t like change. People also get so wrapped up into other peoples lives which is also another reason why I don’t like social media. Instagram is full of fake pictures and perfect people. Sometimes I feel like I have to be perfect or have a perfect picture for it to be “Instagram worthy”. I don’t understand what is a right and wrong picture to post. Sometimes I want to post everything, sometimes I don’t. Some people get so wrapped up in their “aesthetic” or “online image” and its not them what so ever. I don’t want people to get the wrong idea of me, I would much rather have someone make a judgement of me in person rather than a post on the internet. Intention and tone are hard to grasp on the internet unless you already know that person really well. With twitter, It feels the same as instragram but instead of pictures it’s tweets. I used twitter like a journal of just random things. Random feelings, random thoughts whether they were serious or just goofy. I didn’t try to appeal to anyone, I just kind of posted whatever I wanted. Over the last 4 years of on and off social media usage, there has been a few instances that make me scared of letting people know on the internet what is going on in this complex head of mine. With the first instance, I’ll bring a bit of context. I was about 17 or 18 at the time, my memory with age and time is always so bad so I’m not exactly sure when. I was going through a really rough depressive episode. I stopped hanging out with my friends and isolated, didn’t get out of bed ever, didn’t even play video games. It was really bad. I would also tweet about my feelings, which there is a stigma on posting about being sad on the internet because everyone is sad sometimes or all the time and just wont admit it, but will laugh or judge you for having feelings like a human being. “Wow look at this dude, he is so sad? Go get a therapist sad boy” but are the same people who do the same things they are complaining about. It’s weird how it works. Makes absolutely zero sense to me. People will hide their sadness behind vent accounts but on their “main” act like they aren’t sad. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but don’t judge others for being sad. Maybe they need someone, but you are too afraid to be that someone or “don’t feel like dealing with it”. I finally broke free from the death grip of depression and finally decided to hangout with some friends. It was the current E3 showing off all the new games. We were all having a good time discussing new games and seeing all the new titles. A game came up and I simply said “I heard that game isn’t that good” and a friend of a friend in the room said “of course you think that, you hate everything”. Stunned I replied “how?” and he replied with “you are constantly tweeting about how sad you are and how you hate everything”. Ill admit I had some sad tweets but I never tweeted or talked openly disliking anything. This guy barely knows me at all just so you know. We have mutual friends, have hungout a few times, skateboarded in the same group of friends. Clearly he had bad judgement on me. My eyes scan the room to see all of my “close” friends at the time. They all were just as stunned as me and nobody spoke up. I said proudly, in which this is true “I haven’t tweeted anything sad in months actually, feel free to go look at my tweets” he replied with “well good for you then”. This will stick with me for a really long time and this was maybe 5 years ago or less that this happened, like I said I’m bad with time and memories. I still think about it all the time. Goes to show, be careful what you say, it might stick around in someone’s head for longer than you think. Apparently one of my friends told him afterwards “Dude, he JUST started hanging out with us again and you had to do that”. Although I’m not sure if that is true or not. I would then to go on to delete my twitter and stay off social media for about a year or so because I was so terrified of others having this same outlook on me. Because if someone I barely know can have this judgement of me, then someone else surely can. To this day it still messes with my head and is also a big reason I have been off and on with social media. The next instance is from 2 almost 3 years ago. I was talking to the girl of my dreams, a girl I had a crush on for years. We got along wonderfully, shared the same sense of humor, there was a connection there that I couldn’t explain. But even then I would still struggle with my depression. Even in the happiest of times I still had these dark depressive moments. Which I have to explain that, my mother who had raised me without my dad, had battled cancer for 4 years only for it to take her life in 2012, which turned me into an anxiety riddled depressed kid. I would disappear, walk away, disassociate, have these dips in moods even in public. She didn’t really seem to understand or has never really had to deal with something like this before with someone. I completely understand that I was easily too much for her to handle. It’s really hard to find someone who understands or cares enough to stick around. Unfortunately my depressive episodes lead to the demise of our short “relationship”. We were not dating. We got into an argument and I told her how I was feeling and how she made me feel like she didn’t care. She sent me a long text message about how I’m too sad to deal with and I’m too much to handle. She told me all I do is bring everyone around me down and that I am a sad negative person. I am just summing it up, I don’t want to go into detail. This destroyed me more than any other words have before in my life. We were young and she didn’t understand the power of what she was saying. This threw me into a spiral of a year long depressive episode that I could not control. I didn’t talk to my friends about how I felt or my family because I was afraid to bring them down. I still struggle to this day with opening up about my feelings because of this but I have gotten better about it. But I was scared to just tell people that I was sad. I became so focused on faking this image to not let a single person know how I truly felt. It was hell every day holding in this whirlwind of feelings. I felt like I had to hide all of my feelings and that my feelings weren’t valid. I felt as if I wasn’t allowed to feel sad. I would get so mad if I ever got sad. I would tell myself no. Which it kind of worked, it kind of helped me get better in a sense but I think its important to feel sad now. Its important to process those emotions instead of ignoring them. But this also made me stay off social media for another year or so. But this year of no social media it forced me to learn a lot about myself. I was going into young adulthood and trying to understand the world and figuring myself out. A lot of self-growth was made in this time which I am kind of thankful for. But this was a huge reason why I struggled so hard with social media and how people perceived me. Also another reason why I struggle still because words like those tend to stick with you. Twitter is such a strange platform. I still don’t use it to this day. All because of judgement. Not even about sad tweets this time, just fear of self-expression. Goes hand and hand with the way I feel about Instagram. People thinking you are trying to hard or people just not giving a fuck. Social media is so weird. I feel that I am also missing out on a lot of possible friendships because of not using social media. A friend of mine said “you aren’t putting yourself out there, no one can find you if you are in the shadows” which I feel is very true, for friendships and possible relationships as well. Okay so onto facebook… I grew up in the prime of Facebook. I was there for all the changes and updates and when it first really started to blossom into what it was. This was before twitter was even popular. I grew up with sending everyone friend requests and the bliss of making random internet friends. Not caring about what you post and just having a good time. I think before I stopped using facebook when I was around 15 or 16 and I moved to twitter completely, which felt better for the way I felt, I had around 2,500 friends on facebook. Well that is definitely not the case now. Facebook is a weird strange place filled with old people and family members who haven’t cared about me for 10 years that send me a lovely friend request. I have such bad anxiety about facebook friend requests. It is so incredibly hard to explain. I initially made a facebook for the soul purpose of adding friends on xbox so I could stay in contact with them when we weren’t playing xbox. And then of course I started popping up in peoples suggested friends on facebook. I was friends with maybe 20 or less friends, very close people. Then my friend requests started flowing with people I know who I wasn’t close with. I left some people in what I like to call the friend request purgatory for LITERALLY 3 FUCKING YEARS. I was so scared to accept it and let them into the things I liked and would share on facebook with my close friends. I slipped into a music “scene” and made some friends in this specific scene. There was a guy in a band that actually got signed to a big label who I thought was really cool and funny who I thought hated me, he sent me a friend request and I left him in the purgatory for a whole year before declining the friend request. Just because he lived a whole 3 hours away and was way cooler than ill ever be and I didn’t want him to find me weird or a fucking loser. So I just never accepted it. I am not sure if he ever saw it pending for so long but I did change my profile picture in that time and I am sure he seen that. I feel really bad about it and it makes me cringe with awkwardness. I am not that bad at socializing and id like to think of myself as a funny and nice person. I feel like I am easy to get along with. But now I am no longer apart of that “scene” if you even consider me being “apart” of it. I just went to local shows and really enjoyed the music. That’s is my main problem with facebook. Random people I do and don’t know sending a request “HEY LET ME IN I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND” but… do you actually or do you think we are just mutual and wanting to network. Facebook is a weird place. Especially local selling communities. I live in the Midwest so there are racists and homophobes left and right. In conclusion of this awful mess of a post I just wish I could feel normal. To feel more understood. God forbid I ever tell anyone I feel “misunderstood” without being made fun of or not taken seriously because that’s just what people do now. I understand that the world is full of assholes and judgmental people but, there is also people out there that care and are good people. They are harder to find than the people who suck but they exist. You just have to look a little harder or just be patient. A dear friend of mine told me that I should just be myself and whoever doesn’t like it can just fuck off because at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what other people think. But to just appreciate the people who do care. I try to focus on those points and to let myself realize everything will be okay if I just stay genuine and true to myself. People will always have something to say and dislike, all you can do is keep on truckin’ and keep doing what you want. At the end of the day the only thing that matters is your own happiness. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. Sometimes you have to just not give a single fuck. Maybe one day I will come back around to social media and finally come to terms with it. Who knows? But for now I am working on it one day at a time and will eventually ease back into it. Still very scared of it all, but progress is progress.

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btsybrkr · 5 years

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Here’s A List Of Things I Hate

I've reached something of a mental block recently when it comes to writing. I think it's because, despite sometimes coming off like I'm mocking things or just being a general smart-arse, I usually write about things I genuinely love. I love The Apprentice. I love Come Dine With Me. I love the idea that the Saturday night schedule, currently occupied on ITV1 by The Masked Singer - a horrifying cross between The Voice and a recurring nightmare I had between the ages of 6 and 8 - might one day be livened up by a post-apocalyptic The X Factor-style talent show in which we choose the next Prime Minister from a roster of Average Joe’s that just feel like giving it a bash.

I usually have lots to say about things I love, but recently, for some reason, I’m struggling to even think of anything that I love enough to write about. Maybe I’m being dragged down by the fact that this January alone seemed to last three long months, or perhaps because January itself included ‘Blue Monday’, the so-called ‘most miserable day of the year’. Maybe it's neither of things, maybe I’m just suffering from a bad case of The Realisation That We And Everything That We Do Are All, In The End, Meaningless, And That Every Day, We Are Collectively Hurtling Closer And Closer Towards The Endless Void And There Is Nothing That Any Of Us Can Do To Stop It. There's probably a snappier name for that, but you know what I mean. In any case, I’m just finding it much easier to think about things I hate recently.

Anyway, what do we do with these feelings of negativity to get rid of them once and for all? We express them. So, for anyone willing to read it, here’s a list of things I hate.

Stephen Mulhern

ITV mainstay Stephen Mulhern arguably belongs on television - not for any positive reason, just because it’s only the barrier of television between him and the viewer that allows him to appear as a cheerful friendly presence, rather than an insufferable know-it-all prick, whose repeated condescending glances to the camera during interviews with rejected Britain’s Got Talent contestants just wouldn’t fly in real life. I mean, really, imagine you were having a conversation with someone, and they reacted to something you said by looking off into the distance, à la Fleabag, with an expression that quite clearly reads “This person is an idiot!! Laugh, everyone!! Laugh at the idiot!!” You know what, Stephen? You’re the idiot. But I won’t laugh at you, because then you might think that you’re funny, and I’m just not having that.

Coleslaw

I saw a tweet years ago that said “what was the first person to milk a cow thinking?”, and honestly, it raises a very good question. I can only imagine that there was some perverted ulterior motives at play, for someone to not only milk the cow’s udders in the first place, but then to drink it, at a time when that just wasn’t done. They must have been a pretty nefarious character, it almost doesn’t bear thinking about. Instead, I’d like to question the motives of the even dodgier character who first looked at grated carrots, cabbage and onions, and thought ‘You know what might really tie these bland individual tastes together? Mayonnaise. A fuckload of it.’

You know what, though? It's not the existence of coleslaw that confuses me the most about it - it's the popularity of it. It has pride of place on the table at every family buffet, it’s disappointingly included in otherwise-appealing wraps in the Boots meal deal fridge, and it's an option on the menu in a shocking majority of takeaways, despite the fact that nobody has ever emerged, staggering and bleary-eyed from Walkabout at 3:30am and thought ‘I could absolutely murder some coleslaw’. Most annoying of all is the way some restaurants chuck a bit of paprika in the mix and use it as an excuse to rename it ‘POW POW GROOVY SLAW’, or something equally ridiculous. Why are we trying to sex up a bowl of vegetables covered in mayonnaise? I can't think of anything less sexy, and I don't particularly want to try.

Let's face it, coleslaw has long overstayed its welcome. It's the last stubborn hanger-on from the pages of stomach-churning 1970s dinner party cookbooks (probably found somewhere between the recipes for spinach and tuna pie and a boiled, unglazed joint of ham suspended in gelatine), and it's time we admitted that and stage a renaissance for the real king of the veg/mayo combo. Rise, Sir Potato Salad - your rule has begun.

Facebook

I recently deleted Facebook off my phone, and immediately noticed an improvement in the overall quality of my life. I promise I don’t mean this in the typical ‘phone bad, book good’ way that fake-’woke’ holier-than-thou characters preach about (usually on Facebook itself, ironically). I still happily waste away hours of my life on Twitter, and Instagram, the latter of which arguably has the most negative influence on my brain out of all the social networks. The thing with Facebook is that it doesn’t necessarily have a negative influence on my brain, so much as it has no influence on any part of me whatsoever. Facebook is a vacuum. It's completely, entirely pointless. In fact, it’s where ‘point’ itself goes to die.

Considering there’s probably no two Facebook users out there with the exact same friends list, I'm willing to bet that everybody’s News Feed looks eerily similar. Every scroll through is the same - a former workmate announcing a pregnancy, someone you forgot about from school sharing a vague, ‘deep’ quote about their hurt feelings, an elderly relative you didn't realise was racist until literally right now, when they began sharing posts from a page eloquently titled ‘MUSLIMS!! it is TIME to go HOME so we can have BRITAIN BACK’, or something along those lines. If you ever have nothing better to do - although, I'm sure there is always something, anything, better to do - just set a timer, open up Facebook, and see how long it takes before you come across a single thing that genuinely resonates with you in any positive way at all. I just redownloaded Facebook to try it for myself, and it took me 46 minutes.

Sound like a lie? Well, to be fair, it is. But there's more truth in that than almost anything you'll see on Facebook.

Those Slush Puppy Straws With Tiny Spoons On The End

Plastic straws are on their way out, and quite rightly. The Sea Turtle Conservancy estimate that around half the world’s sea turtles have ingested plastic, and straws are believed to have accounted for a lot of that. With everything you read or learn about the effect of straws on the environment, it's surprising that it's taken this long for us to do something about it.

With that said, it's not just the turtles that are benefitting from the rise of the paper straw - I'm pretty pleased about it as well. Why? Because using paper instead of plastic might mean that we stop manufacturing those evil straws with tiny spoons on the end of them.

Yes, evil. How many times have you been enjoying a Slush Puppy on a hot summer’s day, only to realise you can't get to the bits at the bottom of the cup, because your straw inexplicably has a spoon on the end of it. What's that for? A Slush Puppy is a drink, and spoons are for eating things with. “It's for eating the delicious bits of vaguely-flavoured ice after you've sucked up all the syrup”, you might say, but then why? Mojitos are made with crushed ice, but you wouldn't go up to the barman and go "excuse me, mate, you forgot to give me a spoon so I could eat all these delicious bits of vaguely-minty ice", would you?

Anyway, you can't suck up all the syrup in the first place when the bottom of your straw just isn't a straw. This a problem we usually solve by holding the cup above our mouths and giving the bottom of the cup a gentle tap, usually sending the rest of it falling out of the cup and all over your face, shirt, anywhere but your mouth, faster than you can say “I can't believe I’m 23 years old and writing an angry blog about straws with tiny spoons on the end”. Another solution we often resort to is turning the straw upside down, which, in my experience, always leads to cutting the roof of your mouth on the tiny spoon that you were never going to use in the first place. No wonder it took us so long to show a bit of sympathy for the turtles - we've been ignoring our own straw-related injuries for years, probably just because we think it makes us look hard.

As far as I'm concerned, spoons are for food, and straws are for liquids. That's why, whenever I order soup in a café, I always ask for a straw. Yes, I get looks from the other customers, but I'm sure they aren't looks of amusement or confusion - everyone else just wishes they'd thought of it first.

Ladybirds

Ladybirds aren't cute. They are not ‘nice’ bugs. They are beetles, in a quirky disguise, who can also fly. With all that in mind, why are we taught to like them? Why do people spot one land on your clothes, or in your hair, and cheerfully announce “oh, there’s a ladybird on you!”, as if you’ve somehow been chosen by the ladybird and should feel honoured. Get it off me now, because I don’t know what it’s going to do! Don’t tell me that it’s ‘harmless’ and that I’m ‘overreacting’. We thought that cigarettes were ‘harmless’ before the mid-60s, cheerfully puffing our way through life, with one in each hand at any given moment, as we watched our darling babies speak their first words, which were usually something along the lines of “alright, mate, 20 Sterling Dual, please” - but then we learned. We learned that they weren’t as harmless as we first thought. And believe me when I tell you that, one day, we’ll reach the same conclusion about ladybirds. Just as soon as we find out exactly what they’re planning.

In fact, where have they gone? I haven’t seen one for a good while. Surely, they’re holed up in a specially designed lair somewhere, millions of them, carefully planning their next move in their efforts to overthrow the human race. Planning and watching. We may not be able to see them, but I’m willing to bet they have eyes on us. You know when you’re alone and you get the feeling there’s something or someone else present? It’s ladybirds. I’m sure of it. We need to watch our backs.

I’m not really sure where my fear of ladybirds has come from. Perhaps it’s down to a dream I’ve been having at least three times a year since I was a teenager, in which I’m leaving my Nan’s house and spot a ladybird the size of a Golden Retriever out in the alleyway, just sitting there, still and silent. I run around the corner to one of my friend’s houses, to warn him of the arrival of our ladybird overlords, but the entire front of his house is covered in millions of the things. I shout his name, up at an open window, and he replies that he’s coming down to open the door to me, but when he does, it isn’t him at all - it’s just a 6ft tall ladybird. I usually wake up in a cold sweat at that point, but when I try to go back to sleep, I can feel them crawling all over me.

I know I sound insane, but I promise you, I’m not - I just don't trust them, and I think that’s understandable.

Hate

If there's one thing I hate more than all the above, it's the very concept of hate itself. I don't just mean in a political or universal sense - although, I do agree the world might be a far better place if we all just hated each other a little bit less - hate has an effect on all our personal lives, too.

I'm really trying to make the most of my early twenties, and that means conserving what little energy I have left after I'm done working, drinking, and crying - just the usual daily activities that we all partake in - to be a little more productive. I can't be using that energy up on hate. In fact, in a scientific study that I've literally just made up, it was found that feeling hatred for even one fifth of a second uses up three times as much mental and physical energy as smiling at sixteen angry strangers, half of which are making fists at you. You can't argue with those sorts of statistics.

Anyway, I'm hoping to return to talking about things that make me feel a little more positive next time, because, besides anything, it's just nice to be nice, isn't it?

Not to Stephen Mulhern, though. He needs to learn his lesson.

If you like seeing me talking shit, but would rather it wasn't so bloody long, you can follow me on twitter here.

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leta-the-strange · 5 years

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My troubled relationship with the FB community.

Okay, here goes. As ridiculous as it sounds (because in reality, it is ridiculous) I have taken a rather lengthy break from my writing – both here, on A03 and Fanfiction.net for my health. I have a few significant health problems and for as long as I can remember, writing is one of the few escapes I have – one of my true joys. Now, I’m by no means one of the ‘greats’ in any of the fandoms I’ve written in. I’m always in awe of the talent of some of the writers that I have been lucky enough to read and although I’m not at their level, I’ve been so excited to have the opportunity to have these platforms to share the stories I’ve poured my heart into and so mindblown and grateful to have people not only read them but take the time to leave feedback or thanks.

My love for Leta Lestrange began way back in the very first film when we knew very little about her. But I was starry-eyed from the get-go. A woman of colour main character? She quickly turned into my new inspiration and I was lucky enough to be one of the first Leta Lestrange-centred writers and blogs and meet some other great creatives and like-minded fans in the then tiny Leta loving community. I started developing my first multi-chapter story and (as daunting as it was considering the incredible talent in the stories I had read) started uploading the first chapters to share. A few people started reading my stories and left encouragement, advice and comments that absolutely made my day and I would feel so driven and inspired to keeping going and looked forward to spending my evenings putting together new chapters. My heart would skip each time I got an email saying that someone had left a comment, a review, kudos or notes.

I was quite naïve in not knowing much about ‘ship’ and ‘fandom wars’ and when I found out that was a…thing, I did my best to stick to safe, neutral content, staying out of the confrontational tags, not engaging in the fandom too much – only to share things I created or liked (what all this is supposed to be about). Unfortunately, no matter how well I did that foreign, poisonous part of the fandom I was naïve enough to believe I could easily avoid by minding my business found its way into my life and quickly consumed something I loved.

PLEASE understand that this post isn’t about the characters. This is about real people. As a young girl of colour, yes there have absolutely been moments where I feel sick at some of the racist undertones in a large majority of the fandom’s depiction of Leta – I am happy to put my feelings on this in a more eloquent fashion in a separate post but again, the purpose of my first post back is about real people.

There are people in this fandom, quite a lot of people actually who all belong to one particular community, who not only are lucky enough to have the free time to create and share the things they love on the internet but also apparently have enough spare time to actively go seeking out posts, stories, works, etc that are centred on fictional characters and relationships that they don’t like (to put it lightly) for the sole purpose of abusing, bullying and degrading the creators to the delight of their followers that have little more than mic-drop gifs, ‘oh snap’s, and ‘#preach’ to contribute.

This behaviour is disgusting, appalling, unacceptable and harmful.

And of course, not ALL people from this particular, I don’t know the word…’shipping group’ do this (so many are kind, talented and supportive) but enough have that I feel like even if I eventually came to like this pairing, I would never, ever feel safe engaging in that community myself.

I have characters I like, characters I love, ones that I am impartial to and ones I don’t like much. That’s the great thing about fictional characters. However, I have never felt the urge (or had the time or energy) to obsessively track the tags of ships and characters that I don’t like to leave hateful comments designed to make the creators feel unsafe and unwanted in a community in which they are just as entitled to be involved in than anyone else.

This obsessive, abusive behaviour destroyed my love for writing. One of the few things that drew me out of depression when I was unable to physically do much else activity-wise gave me intense anxiety and as much as I still received beautiful comments, I panicked when I received notification that someone had messaged me.

My story has been called disgusting, dumb, awful, gross etc. I have been called deluded (apparently for not following a canon ship), a crazy dumb bitch, illiterate – just off the top of my head. I found a thread last year that encouraged people to upload new Fantastic Beasts content to A03 asap to get my story off the first page when I would upload a new chapter. I was torn to shreds on both fanfiction websites after the second film came out and told that I hadn’t seen the movies (I had started my story well before the second film so I had to fill in the gaps which were quite a few). It seemed so pathetic and laughable at the start, I would just make sure I could monitor my reviews and would delete or not answer the abuse I received.

Eventually though, it become too overwhelming and I found it too difficult to continue – my inspiration was gone and I was emotionally drained. A few times I actually became pale, shaky and vomited from the relentlessness of it. I tried to claw back the thrill and love writing gave me by practicing getting back on the saddle by doing prompts on Tumblr while I was in hospital battling one of my illnesses. I thought it might be nice to take requests from people – a gentle re-entry into my beloved hobby and reconnecting with other fans. I did a piece on Theseus and Leta that I had overwhelming support for. I actually cried when more than a couple people left beautiful messages in regard to my Theseus dying/Leta surviving prompt. A few people left me Newt/Leta related prompts. I got around to completing a first kiss request that earned me an anon informing me that my writing was trash, made them gag in their mouth and I should seriously reconsider inflicting my unwanted pieces on a fandom that doesn’t want them and to keep my shit out of the tag.

I have seen blogs disappear from it and stories, posts and artwork removed. I was scrolling through Instagram and someone (quite notorious for this behaviour across all platforms) simply comment ‘ew #newtinaforever’ on a beautiful Leta fanvid that would have taken such a long time to put together. Surprisingly, the comments I got that were simply ‘ew’, ‘gross’, etc were more hurtful than the torrents of abuse sometimes.

Just a few days ago, someone posted something absolutely non-confrontational and innocent about them personally liking Newt/Leta because they found it cute which of course opened the floodgates for abuse and I read a comment relating to people who don’t personally ship the ‘canon’ ship (this sounds so ridiculous now that I’m typing it) as deluded and needed to check into a mental ward. This is quite personal but I am someone who has an illness that is accompanied by psychotic symptoms and I have spent periods of time in a psychiatric hospital (and will likely need to during my lifetime) for my own wellbeing. I felt physically nauseous by this. I feel anxious now disclosing this as I know this will give more ammunition to the people who have not yet been blocked by me and enjoy taunting me but I want people to understand the weight of their childish, uneducated, ignorant outbursts.

Because of my experience, PLEASE understand that when I say ‘unhinged’ I am not meaning it as a slur, it is coming from a place of serious concern. I think there are people in this fandom that are becoming quite dangerously confused between reality and fantasy. These characters ARE NOT REAL. If I can get through years of one my favourite characters being constantly hated on, written by fans as an abuser, rapist, you name it while far more ‘bad/problematic’ (white) females are adored and shipped with various characters quite harmoniously, and not resort to commenting, abusing or harassing people than you can get through your fave not being someone else’s fave. If your favourite pairing is canon, why are you so insecure about people liking other pairings? In Harry Potter, the most popular fan-favourite ships are non-canon and don’t cause any harm.

If someone writes on THEIR OWN BLOG that they personally don’t follow a certain ship, or they find a character bland or boring, or don’t agree with a casting, or don’t see chemistry between certain actors or like a pairing that differs from your own, JUST KEEP SCROLLING (and certainly don’t go on a witch-hunt by tracking down posts, blogs and stories you know you won’t like).

These are not real people. There is absolutely 0 reasons to be offended by someone saying that they find a certain character or pairing bland (which I haven’t done before). Of course you can disagree but if you are enraged, or offended, or feel inclined to personally attack or threaten A REAL PERSON over their preferences in something make-believe, than please, I implore you for your own mental wellbeing, to seriously assess if this level of emotional attachment to made-up characters is healthy.

I am planning on getting back into my story in time. I would love to get through the prompts and (nice) messages in my inbox now that I’m feeling a little more secure mentally and physically. I do thank all the beautiful people who have taken the time to request things, leave notes and such – I’m only back for them and feel confident that I can work through the toxicity and superiority complexes in this fandom with their support. I will do my best from now on to call out and check people when I see them mistreating others and to have more respect for myself and my work and not tolerate this any longer. I may respond and share some of the less pleasant messages I’ve received if I believe my responses can be helpful to others but there are some that require no response or audience.

I feel very content in the knowledge that I can see a story, visual, video, etc, involving a fandom, character or pairing that I don’t necessarily like and still appreciate the time and effort the person put in and find enjoyment in it too. If you still feel incapable of controlling yourself around people who are not a carbon copy of yourself, please just save yourself the distress by just blocking me instead of wasting valuable time and energy finding new ways to abuse me. I am not a harmful person, I am not an abusive person. I encourage you in your journey to hopefully become the same and if you need to remove yourself from temptation than I applaud that decision no matter how much I cannot personally relate.

To anyone who has read my stories or sent me prompts, thank your for your patience and encouragement. I look forward to being able to get back into a community I have found such joy in.

#fantastic beasts #fantastic beasts and where to find them #fantastic beasts the crimes of grindelwald #leta lestrange #newt scamander #cant get much worse #so i may as well dump this 'shit' in your tag too #prompt

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