#me going thru likes from months ago trying to push them to the top of the page to realizing i'm blocked....ok babe i can still see ur posts

[faghubby]

wife, mother, whore

I laid on the bed I was so sore, and covered in cum. I just couldn't deny him anything. It had all started months ago. When I asked Paul to tell me his deepest darkest desire. I figured it would be wanting a threesome orsomething. But what he told me would change everything.

"Katie I would love to watch you with another man" he told me. I was floored.

"Like a threesome?" I asked.

"No, I want a man, or several to use you. Fuck you" he told me.

"Several?!" I repeated back surprised.

"You want to watch?" I asked.

"If you let me" he responded. He was now acting very meek." I know you don't get off with me" he added.

"OH baby I love you and that's not true" I assured him

"Yes it is, I know you fake it for me" I told her. He then kissed me gently from my neck down to just above my pussy.

"I would love to lick real men's cum off of your satisfied body" he told me then buried his head between my thighs. He always made me cum with his tounge. But he was right he had never made me cum during penatration. He came on his tounge. I pulled him up on top of me.

"Your turn" I smiled.

"It's okay, I know you don't want me" he said.

"That's not true baby, I love you" I kissed him. I would do anything for you.

"Before I met you, I was not experienced" he said.

"I know baby, you had only been with what was her name?" I kissed him I loved that about him.

"I never told you she never let me inside her" he told me. What I had married a virgim? . I laughed as he confessed.

" But you told me" I questioned.

"Yes we had sex, well kinda. She loved her pussy eaten" he started.

"Well we have that in common" I giggled.

"She would let me hump her while she wore panties" he continued "but never inside her, I knew she had lovers. I often tasted them when I went down on her." Now I was completely confused.

"I wonder if you would be willing to do the same?" He asked me. I pushed him off and got out of bed. I put on a pair of white satin panties. And came back to bed. Then stopped and thought about turned around and added a satin camisole.

"You like this?" I asked his hands caressed me. He climbed on top and dry humped me. Thru the panties and caressed my breast thru the satin material. I found the whole thing rather erotic. As he came all over my clean panties.

"Feel better now baby?" I asked he just snuggled against me his head resting on my chest.

In the morning I asked about last night, was it what he really wanted or was he just really horny.

"Yes, I would love it if you fucked our friends" I told her. This started a conversation on which ones. As he told me there was a clear pattern. All the guys he mentioned where in great shape. And bigger then his 5' 7".

The first thing we did was add, sex toys to our sex life. BIG ones. Paul loved to see me stretch as he slid a thick toy into me. He was quite happy with a hand job, or humping my panties. He especially loved humping my panties ass. I him try one of the smaller toys on my ass. And soon I was begging him to stuff toys in both holes. At the same time. One night I cried out so loud I woke our daughter. Paul went and got her back to sleep. As I recovered.

we had set me up on Tinder, so one night when I called and told him I would b home late from work. I was meeting someone.

"Can I play with myself" he asked. I was Abita taken back.

"No, I don't think so" I told him. I met this man at a hotel I was nervous as he opened the door. But a moment later I was naked kneeling innocent of him sucking his big cock.

He was everything Paul wasn't. Alot like most of my exboyfriends. Forceful, demanding, very much in charge and used to getting what he wanted.

He fucked my ass that first night. And called me names as he smacked my ass. It all turned me on so much. Knowing I would go home to Paul. Afterwards as I got dressed I told him how Paul wanted to watch but with our daughter it just made it hard. I also mentioned how he wanted men like him to use me. Even mentioned more then one.

"Well I have friends" he joked.

"Well if they all have cocks like yours" I smiled

"The name is John" by the way. He said

"Julia" I smiled "call me soon" as I left

At home Paul met me at the door. But Our daughter was still awake.

"You need to get someone to bed, or should I just take a shower. He pressed against me kissing me his hand slid into my pants.

"What are you doing" I laughed. As he bought out his hand and licked it. He really was going to eat this strangers cummout of me. I thought.

"Sorry sweety he came in my ass" I whispered in his ear. He looked like he would cry. I peaked around the corner our daughter was engrossed in a cartoon. I turned and pulled down my pants and panties in one motion.

"Unless you would like to eat my dirty ass" I said he dropped right in the front hall and licked my cum, lube covered asshole, I kept watch only allowing him a minute to enjoyIt. Then pulled my pants back up.

"I had a wonderful time" I said kissing him on the cheek. "Your breath smells like ass" I laughed and smacked his ass. As I headed to take a bath. I was in bed by the time Paul joined me again.

"So?" He asked cuddling up to me. He was looking for details.

"Not sure a virgin like you should hear such dirty things" I teased. I reached down and discovered he was naked. I stroked him.

"OH what a perverted little boy" I teased. "You are my perverted little virgin aren't you?" I teased. He came in my hand. I licked my finger then offered him my hand.

"Want some?" I asked he licked my hand clean. "My good little cum eater" he smiled and cuddled. I held him against my breast as I watched TV. We just sat and held each other.

"Paul is there anything else you like to tell me? Try prehaps?" I asked. My hand sliding down his back. He looked up at me.

"Your my virgin husband now, I may never let you inside me again" I told him. "Would you like that?"

He looked up with puppy dog eyes. My hand grabbed his ass. He didn't answer just kissed my breast. I knew at that moment our whole marriage had changed. In the morning I had him shower with me. I didn't say a word. I picked up my razor and shaved his pubic hair.

"Little virgin boys shouldn't have hair down there" I told him. He never hesitated just allowed me to do it. As we got out I looked him up and down. "Little boys don't have body hair" I told him as he watched me get dressed. He got dressed and went to get our daughter up.

I texted John thanking him for a lovely evening. Paul was making pancakes I came up and grabbed his ass.

"Such a good Daddy" I kissed him on the cheek. "I texted John, was hoping to see him again today" I told him. I reached around and felt him grow in his pants. Smiling to myself I went to play with our daughter. John texted

/Can we meet at your place?/

/of course, noon?/

/see you then/

"Paul why don't you two go to the zoo this afternoon?" I asked. Paul looked up at me

"That sounds like fun" he responded

"Mommy come too" our daughter asked

"Mommy has a play date with her friend" I told her. Paul packed a lunch and took off for the zoo before John came over.

As soon as I answered the door John was all over me. I was naked before we made it to the bedroom. Where I stripped him as well. He pushed me over the bed and drove his cock into my pussy with one stroke. He was balls deep. He fucked me hard. Smacking my ass. And calling me his whore. I heard someone else in the house. Then saw another guy walk into the bedroom.

"This is Tommy" John told me. Tommy pulled out his cock. It was huge like 10 inches long I thought he placed it right in front of my face. I took it in my mouth. John fucked me as Tom fed me his cock.

"This little slut has a no dick husband. She loves cock though" John told Tommy.

"She must be a total whore the way she can take my cock down her throat" Tommy replied they talked like I was just a thing for their pleasure, and that's how they treated me. I sucked both their cocks and had them both cum inside me before they left. I laid there wishing Paul was there to hold me. He arrived home shortly after they left.

"Where is" I moaned as he kissed me between my thighs.

"Sleeping" he told me. As he devoured the two men's cum from me. His gentle tounge made me cum again. When he finished I had him strip and lay on the bed. I sat next to him and spread his legs. I lubed his asshole and worked in a finger.

"Do you like that? Do you want me to take your ass?" I asked him. He just moaned as I massaged his little balls. I told him how John had invited Tom over and he had eaten two men's cum.

I teased him but didn't let him cum. Instead I got up and pulled out a pair of light blue satin panties. He was surprised when I slipped them over his feet and pulled them up.

"How's that? Do you like how they feel?" I rubbed him thru the panties.

"YES" he moaned loudly and came in the panties. I left him on the bed and went to get washed up. He joined me I the shower. He handed me my razor. I knew what he wanted.

"Are you sure?" I smiled he just nodded. And I shaved his chest and back. Having him hold his arms up to do his pits. I finished by having him bend over so I could shave his ass.

"You have to shave your legs yourself" I told him. Getting out as the water got cold.

"Paul, you are going to have to do a few new things around here if I an busy out being someone's whore" I told him.

"I understand" he said.

"First you need to start hand washing all these panties you keep making a mess on" I told him. He rushed off to do it right away. Later that night when he came to bed I noticed he had shaved his legs. I rubbed him all over telling him how proud I was of him.

I continued to meet up with John and sometimes Tom a few times a week. John made sure I understood I was his. He even made a little movie for Paul to watch. Of John and Tom fucking me Tom in my pussy and John in my ass. He took me on a weekend away.

And that brings us to today. Where John had arranged for a gang bang having six men use me however they wished. John stood over me.

"You are one dirty whore" John said looking down at me. His fingers slid into me.

"I bet I could push my whole hand in there " John laughed. I spread my legs in case he wanted to try. John left and I called Paul. Just wanting to hear his voice.

[marciliedonato]

ppl will see you calling gerard ‘babygirl’ and think you’re one of the freaks who legititimately only refers to him as ‘she/her’......i think the bird app might be messing with your reading comprehension for real

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A Memory Locked In The Heart - Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

A/N - Requested by the lovely @overduelibrarybooks I hope this was the kind of thing you were looking for!

Find my masterlist here.

My taglists are open and requests are open.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: "could u ever write a spencer reid x reader where reader def works for the cia but more as a translator who’s kinda forced into doing agenty things in order to gather intel and on a mandated break she finds out the UNSUB before the team does so she uses herself as bait, and shoots the guy all very badass fashion n then gets interrogated bc ms girl just shot him coldblood and halfway thru she recognizes spencer bc her mother and his mom lived in the same care facility??? idk sorry my mom has paranoid too so it just hits different but u don’t have to write this if u don’t want to i love ur writing <3"

CW: disclaimer: I know next to nothing about the CIA and what they investigate so please go easy on me here. This is all made up so hopefully it makes some kind of sense. Mentions of violence and sex work, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s, some swears. Mentions of drug use and overdose. Spanish used towards the end is from Google Translate so I apologise if it isn’t completely accurate. Italics indicate flashbacks.

Plot: Eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.

WC: 5.3K

—————————————————————

How did I end up here?

That was a question you kept asking yourself as you rolled into your third hour of sitting in that cold, dimly lit interrogation room at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia.

Well you supposed you’d have to go back to the beginning to truly work that out.

The CIA and FBI joint task force for a country wide sex trafficking ring they believed to be operating out of DC.

When your team at the CIA had started investigating it was estimated that the ring had close to a hundred women who had been abducted and forced into the sex industry.

A lot of women were believed to have been taken trying to cross the border. Your job as a translator had involved spending a lot of time in Mexico, helping interview witnesses and family members who didn’t speak English.

The FBI involvement had come when women believed to have been part of the trafficking ring started turning up dead.

At last count they were up to twenty bodies. The Behavioural Analyst Unit had given their profile of the man they believed to be running the show.

White male in his mid to late forties. Bilingual. Possibly born in Mexico or an area surrounding the border but grew up in DC, they assumed based on his knowledge of the area. He’s attractive, charming and has a good level of education, he’d need to be able to charm the women into trusting him. He doesn’t have a full time job because he wouldn’t have time for one. All his time and focus goes on his girls. He was tech savvy, incredibly so, he’d have to be, to be able to set up the network on the dark web which enabled his customers to pay for his services.

It hadn’t been going well. Bodies kept dropping and the task force was no closer to catching the person responsible.

This went on for six months. Everyone was exhausted. You kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. It was demoralising.

Your boss had called for mandated time off. You’d all argued but she had been absolutely adamant. You’d all been working yourselves to the bone and she didn’t want you burnt out entirely.

You’d argued but your words had fallen on deaf ears.

“Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

The voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see the lanky, messy haired agent who called himself Doctor Reid, sticking his head through the door.

“Is coffee an option?”

He smiled brightly at you, a smile you swear you’ve seen before.

“Coffee is always an option.” He told you. “How do you take it?”

“Strong and black. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

With that the door closed leaving you to your thoughts once more.

There was something so familiar about the Doctor. His dark yet sparkling eyes, his awkward smile and the way he dressed. You couldn’t place it. But there was definitely something about him that stirred some memory buried deep in your brain. You just weren’t sure what it was.

He returned a few minutes later, bringing your coffee into the room and placing it on the table in front of you.

“Hopefully you won’t be stuck here too much longer. It’s just standard procedure.” he spoke sweetly, his voice stirring the hidden memory.

“Yeah I know. I get it.” you sighed as you spoke, wrapping your hands around the coffee. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled before he started backing out of the room. You wished you could ask him to stay because you felt so much more at ease with him around. But you knew you couldn’t.

He turned to you in the doorway.

“You look cold in that.” He smiled a little sadly at you.

You’d forgotten about your outfit choice. No self respecting CIA agent dressed like you were right now.

“I guess I am a little.” You shrugged.

Spencer instantly shrugged his blazer off of his shoulders and laid it in front of you on the table.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.” you spoke again before he disappeared out the door.

“Goodbye Agent Y/L/N.”

The door closed, his voice reverberating in your ears, dragging you into a long forgotten memory.

As you slipped his jacket on, your eyes fluttered closed, his scent wafting up your nose.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your eyes shot back open, a frown on your face.

“Spencer?” you muttered under your breath. “Spencer Reid.”

Where had you pulled that name from? And why did it feel oddly connected to Vegas?

You tried to push the thought away, you already had enough on your mind. There were much more pressing things to deal with than a vague memory from your hometown an undetermined amount of time ago.

***

You’d been instructed to switch off. Your time off should be used to recoup, relax and not to think about the case.

Easier said than done you thought.

Before you’d left the office on your mandated leave you’d taken photocopies of some files and slipped them into your bag. You knew you’d be in trouble if you were caught but you couldn’t help yourself. You wouldn’t be able to relax with this case still open.

As far as you were aware the BAU was still working on it but it provided you little comfort. In your time with the CIA you’d never gotten to be involved so heavily in a case. Your skills were mostly utilised in interview capacities and then you were sidelined.

You’d never had the privilege to work on a joint task force or investigate a crime so brutal.

You felt personally invested in this case. You thought if you could just find that one missing puzzle piece you could crack this case wide open.

And then you’d found it. The golden ticket. The smoking gun. The missing piece.

It had taken five days of your leave and copious amounts of coffee but you’d connected the dots no one else had.

You knew how to draw the unsub out. And you were going to do it tonight.

***

“Let’s start again from the beginning shall we?” Agent Rossi linked his fingers together on top of the table as he looked across at you, still slowly sipping your coffee.

“Oh goody.” You sighed. “Could Agent Jareau not fill you in what I’ve already told her?”

“Humour me.” The old man shrugged.

You didn’t have any ill will against him. Far from it. You were actually a big fan of David Rossi. But you were sick and tired of being treated like a criminal.

“Tell me how you managed to work out how to find him.”

You took another long sip of the coffee.

“All the pieces were there, they just hadn’t been put into place.”

“And how did you piece them together?”

“There was a pattern to where the women had been last seen. It was a guess more than anything. A lucky guess.”

“And the pattern was?”

You sighed in frustration.

“As I told agent Jareau,” you sipped your coffee. “The bars they were last seen in all had ties to Mexico. I’m not a native to DC but I know the area like the back of my hand. They were all either Mexican owned, had a Mexican name or were previously establishments such as Mexican restaurants. I made an educated guess that he frequented places such as these looking for his targets. I just got lucky I picked the right one.”

***

You felt incredibly exposed, but you supposed that was the point.

If you were going to get this guy's attention, you had to do this right.

It was a long shot. Just because Western’s bar was known for its famous tacos did not mean it would be the place he chose to pick up girls.

You just had to hope.

You wore a skimpy skirt that barely covered your ass, knee high boots and a crop top that accentuated your assets.

Your firearm was hidden in your left boot.

Your outfit garnered a lot of looks as you headed through Westerns towards the bar.

You felt men’s eyes on you from every angle, making you feel extremely self conscious. But you needed to keep your cool, exude confidence.

If your guy was here he needed to see you shine.

You ordered a soda to keep your head clear and sat at a table over the far side of the bar. From there you had a good view of the entrance and most of the room. And more importantly, the room had a view of you.

Three hours you sat there nursing your soda. It was a huge stab in the dark, you weren’t really surprised.

You finished your drink and headed out onto the cool DC street.

You made it five steps before you felt a presence behind you.

Just as you were about to turn, something covered your mouth.

You struggled against a pair of strong arms.

A smell wafted up your nose seconds before you lost consciousness.

Chloroform.

***

“Why didn’t you tell your unit chief before you went in?”

“Because I thought it was a long shot.” And because she would have been furious I was working the case.

“So you chose to use yourself as bait?”

“Yes.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

“Do you know how dangerous that could have been?” Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

You had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yes agent Rossi, I’m well aware. But I had a lead and I wasn’t going to ignore it.” You pulled Doctor Reid’s jacket tighter around your scantily clad body.

You caught his scent again. Coffee. Old books. A hint of peppermint.

Another long shut off memory wormed it’s way to the surface.

“So are you here visiting someone?”

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “My mom.”

“Oh.” He returned your sad smile. “Me too.”

“Agent Y/L/N?”

You were brought back by Rossi’s concerned voice.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened next? You were chloroformed and then what?”

You shook your head, your mind clouded.

“Can we take a break? I could really use some air.”

Rossi sighed with a small nod.

He stood from his chair and motioned you to follow him.

You got some odd looks from his fellow agents as he led you to the elevators. They all recognised what you were wearing as Spencer’s jacket.

You followed Rossi into the elevator and he pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Agent Rossi, can I ask you a strange question?” You asked as the doors closed.

He gave you a curious look.

“I suppose.”

“Doctor Reid. As in Spencer Reid?”

“The one and only.” Rossi frowned unsure what you were getting at.

“Where is he from?”

Rossi’s frown deepened, not sure he should tell you such things about his team. But you were an agent and you didn’t pose a threat to the team.

“Vegas I believe.”

Vegas. Of course.

“Ok.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” You chewed your lip. “I think I might have known him.”

“Oh?”

You wished you hadn’t opened your mouth. This was not the time or place.

“I’m probably wrong. Just forget I said anything.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. As you stepped out you pulled Spencer’s collar to your nose and sniffed it.

No you weren’t wrong.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Hi again.” You smiled at the lanky man, Spencer you’d met a few days ago. “How’s your mom?”

“Still angry at me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stubbed the toe of his shoe on the floor.

“She came in recently?”

“Yeah a few months ago. I turned eighteen and I was able to have her put into care.” He blanched, clearly feeling guilty for his decision.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“Uhm sure.” He shrugged.

He followed you through to the day room. It was late and there were only a few patients inside and a few nurses milling around.

You got two cups of coffee from the machine and the two of you sat at a table together.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong with your mom?” You dared as you slid him the drink.

He sighed heavily, gnawing on his bottom lip as though his life depended on it.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic.” He spoke clinically, words he’d had to say too many times in his life. It was as though he’d distanced himself from it. Like he was giving a patient a diagnosis rather than talking about his own mother.

“Mine too.” You gave him a wry smile. You had something in common, just not something you would like to have in common.

“How long has your mom been here?”

“Three years. She got really bad and my dad couldn’t take care of her anymore. She’s been doing much better since she moved in here.”

“That’s good.” Spencer nodded. “I hope my mom realises I did this for her. For her well being. At the moment she’s just so...angry.”

You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. He seemed a little startled by the physical touch but you didn’t move your hand.

“This is the best place for her. I assume from what you said earlier your dad isn’t in the picture?”

He used his free hand to sip his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

“He left when I was ten. He couldn’t handle mom's illness.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to have to look after her by yourself. It was hard enough with my dad there. Really makes you grow up fast.”

“It really does.” He agreed. “I’m not sure I ever got to be a kid.”

“I know that feeling.”

After that you spent hours chatting about anything and everything until way into the night. It wasn’t until a nurse came and asked you politely to leave that you realised how late it was.

“I’ll probably see you around?” You spoke as you stepped outside together.

“Maybe. In a few weeks I’m heading out of state. I’m working on a PhD.” He didn’t want to tell you it was actually his second PhD.

“Oh. Ok.” You tried to hide the disappointment from your voice.

Despite the circumstances you’d enjoyed talking to someone like minded, someone who understood. You didn’t have anyone else your own age you could talk to about this kind of thing.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” You blushed a little.

“I don’t have a cellphone.” He shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s not an excuse.” He sensed you didn’t believe him. “I’m not so into technology. I don’t even have email.”

Normally you would have thought it was just a bad excuse to get out of seeing you again but the look on Spencer’s face told you he was being genuine.

“Ok.” You gave him a shy smile. “Well maybe I’ll see you again before you leave.”

“I hope so.” His eyes sparkled as he looked at you on the dark street.

There was an air between you, some kind of thick tension but you didn’t know what it meant.

“If I don’t see you again,” you spoke trying to ignore whatever it was. “It was really good to meet you and I hope your mom gets used to the facility.”

“You too.” He smiled so genuinely at you, it made your heart skip a beat.

And then you went your separate ways.

***

“Ok, so what happened next?” Rossi wasted no time once you were back in the interrogation room.

“Well I blacked out after I was chloroformed so excuse me if I don’t remember.” You gave him a sarcastic smile.

“What’s the next thing you do remember?” He reworded his question.

“I woke up in a large basement. It was gritty and dingy. And there were other women there too.”

“How many?”

“At least twenty.” You sighed letting your mind travel back to the basement you never wanted to go back to. Not even in your mind.

***

You woke with a start, your head pounding. You gasped for air as though you’d been drowning.

You blinked your eyes trying to adjust to the dark room you found yourself in.

It was cold and damp and you could hear a pipe dripping in the distance.

You tried to roll over but your arm wouldn’t budge. You were met by a loud clanking sound when you tried.

You tugged your arm, hearing the same sound and being met with a sharp pain in your wrist.

“Good luck.” A woman’s voice scoffed. “They don’t come loose.”

You blinked a few more times, looking over to your left arm. There was a heavy metal cuff right around your wrist that was attached to a metal bed frame.

That’s when you realised you were laying on a small cot on top of a ratty, itchy blanket. You were still dressed, thank god.

You suddenly remembered your firearm concealed in your boot. You patted your left calf and sure enough you felt the hard weapon still inside.

That was something at least.

Oversight on their part.

You remembered the voice you’d heard before and turned as much as you could with your arm cuffed to take in the rest of the room.

There were at least forty other cots close together lining the walls, with at least half of them containing the body of other women.

The voice you’d heard belonged to a woman in the cot next to you. She gave you a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Her eyes were broken.

“Hi,” you croaked. “I’m Y/N.”

“Delilah.” Her accent was Spanish. You were sure Delilah wasn’t her real name either.

“How long have you been here?”

She sighed, playing with a strand of curly black hair.

“What month is it?”

“September.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Not that long then. I’ve been here since July.” She looked confused as though that couldn’t be long enough.

“Delilah?” You narrowed your eyes on her. “What year do you think it is?”

“2018…” she saw your face drop and knew instantly it was no longer 2018.

“Oh gosh.” You felt for her, tears welling in your eyes. “It’s 2020.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Wow.”

“It’s ok.” You lowered your voice. “I’m CIA. I’m going to get us out of here. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

***

“Delilah.” Rossi opened the file in front of him. “Was that Roberta Suez?”

He pulled out a photograph and slid it across the table. You averted your gaze.

“Yes and please I don’t need to see it, I was there.”

“How did she end up in hospital fighting for her life?”

“You know how.” You huffed. “Look I’m starting to get fed up with this now.” You folded your arms. “Carlos Ramirez was a sick son of a bitch. If I hadn’t done what I did he would have killed all those women. I don’t regret what I did.”

“How did she end up in hospital?” He repeated.

“Good lord.” You grumbled. “I’ll talk but I don’t want to talk to you.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes on you.

“No? But I’m so compassionate.” He spoke sarcastically.

“I won’t say another word unless it’s to Reid.” You looked up to the two way mirror. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling he was there.

Sure enough it was barely twenty seconds before the door opened and Doctor Reid himself stepped in the room.

“I got this Rossi.” Spencer told the older man who stood up with a shrug.

Rossi left the room while Spencer took the seat he’d been occupying.

Did he remember you? It had been close to twenty years since you’d last seen each other. Had it not been for the olfactory memory that struck you when you put on his jacket you might never have remembered him.

But you knew the rest of his team was behind the two way glass, or at least some of them were so it didn’t seem an appropriate time to ask such things.

“So agent Y/L/N,” he smiled softly at you. “Can you please tell me how Delilah ended up in hospital?”

“You already know the answer to that Doctor but since you asked so nicely,” you leant your elbows on the table, entwined your fingers and rested your chin the little bridge you’d created. “She had a drug overdose. But you and I both know it wasn’t her who administered the drugs.”

“And who did?”

“I did.”

Your words hung in the air between you and Spencer. He knew the answer, the whole team did. You’d already told Agent Jareau everything.

This was a huge waste of time.

“I administered the drugs because he told me if I didn’t he would kill me. I needed to stay alive so I could save those women.”

“Who said he would kill you?”

“I don’t know his name.”

“It wasn’t Ramirez?”

“No.” You shook your head. “If it was Ramirez I would have shot him. But it must have been one of his right hand men.”

“How would you know that? You’d never met Ramirez correct?” Spencer had a soft tone to his voice which made his line of questioning easier than Agent Jareau’s.

“I’m not a profiler but I’ve been to enough seminars over the years. He didn’t fit the bill. He was young, scatty, he didn’t strike as much fear into the other women as I thought the boss would. I made an educated guess and I was right. If I’d shot at him I would have blown my chance at getting Ramirez.”

***

“Shit shit shit!” You pulled yourself as close to Delilah’s cot as possible with your restraint. “Delilah, keep breathing, try to breath. Fuck I am sorry.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, the empty needle you’d been made to inject in her vein between your cots on the floor.

He’d held a gun to your head and said he would shoot you if you didn’t do it. You didn’t think he was bluffing.

“It happens a lot.” A woman opposite spoke up. “You’ll soon find out. If she wakes up she’ll have the pleasure of returning the favour.” She gave you an almost manic grin.

If she wakes up. It was the if you were having the issue with.

“Who’s in charge around here?”

She shrugged.

“Don’t know his name. Big guy. Tattoos. Mustache. You can’t miss him.”

“Does he come down here often?”

Again she shrugged.

“Being down here you have a way of losing track of time.” She clicked her tongue. “But he’ll be here for you later. He has to test his new girls.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Test?” You swallowed, pretty sure you knew what she meant.

“He can’t very well expect you to make him money if he doesn’t know how good you are.”

Oh god.

Your heartbeat raced. No, it was not going to come to that. You were a CIA agent and you were armed.

It was not going to come to that.

***

Spencer’s face paled a little at your words. You hadn’t told Agent Jareau that part.

“He was going to...he didn’t…”

“No.” You cut him off, pushing the memory back down. “I had a gun, remember.”

You offered him a wry smile.

“So you know what comes next.”

“I’d like you to tell me.”

The way he said it was more like he was a therapist than an FBI agent. As though he wanted you to tell him so you could get it off your chest, unburden yourself, rather than for interrogation purposes.

“Ok.” You nodded. “He came for me later that night. And that’s when it happened.”

***

“Ahh look at you.”

A deep, Spanish voice woke you.

Your eyes fluttered open and landed on a strong, tattooed man with a mustache standing over your cot.

This must be him.

“Tan hermosa.”

So beautiful.

You tried not to shudder.

You sat up wiggling your legs in your boots to make sure you could still feel your firearm. You could.

“Su nombre es Rosa.”

Your name is Rosa.

Guess again.

“Su nombre es Y/N.”

“Tú hablas español?”

You speak Spanish?

“Si.”

“Eres perfecta.” He grinned menacingly. “My clients will love you.”

He reached in his pocket and fished out a key chain. He reached over you and unlocked your cuff.

You rolled your wrist to try and get your blood circulating again.

“On your feet.”

You complied and stood up. Your legs were shaky.

He grasped your wrist, hard enough so you couldn’t wriggle free but not hard enough to leave a mark. He started dragging you across the room.

With his free hand he undid the four locks on the large steel door and pulled your through it. Once on the other side he took care to lock them all again, keeping a firm grasp on you the whole time.

You were dragged down a long, narrow corridor towards another steel door, this one with just one lock on.

He slid the key in and opened it, pulled you inside and locked it behind him.

The room was much smaller than the one you’d been held in and only housed a single cot.

He licked his lip as he looked at you. His large, thick fingers stroked your cheek and you had to try and hide your disgust.

“En la cama. Ahora.”

On the bed. Now.

You had to pick the opportune moment. You had to plan this just right. You had no doubt he had a gun on him so if you faltered even slightly, he would kill you.

“Qué tal esto.”

How about this.

You made a show of licking your lips and then dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Whoa, feisty. I like it.” He grinned, his meaty hands going to his belt buckle.

Yes. Right where you wanted him.

While he was fumbling with his belt, you reached your hand back into your left boot, drawing your gun in one swift move.

You head butted him in the crotch, sending him stumbling backwards, crying out in pain.

“Mierda!” Shit. “Usted puta!”

You whore!

You were on your feet in a second, your gun trained on him.

“You will never hurt another woman again.” You spat, furious tears suddenly streaming from your eyes.

He looked up at you, his mouth opened to speak.

But the words didn’t come out as your bullet hit him between the eyes.

“Who’s the puta now?”

***

“I would say,” Spencer chewed his lip. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

“Thank you.” You smiled softly. “And I did. If I hadn’t shot him, who knows how many other women would have died.”

Spencer pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Just so you know, we got word from the hospital a little while ago. Roberta Suez, Delilah, is going to be just fine.”

“Oh thank god.” You felt tears brimming your eyes.

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“Are you coming?”

“I can leave?”

“You were never under arrest.” He smirked at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

You got up from the chair and Spencer motioned you out of the room.

“I’ll walk you out.” He showed you across the bullpen towards the elevators. There was an awkward air between the two of you.

Did you say anything? It didn’t seem as though he remembered you, was it worth reminding him?

He motioned you into the elevator first and he followed, pressing the button.

The elevator started its descent.

Time was running out.

“So uhm…” Spencer turned to you and turned too. “How’s your mom?”

A smile broke out on your features.

“I didn’t think you remembered me.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “I recognised you the second you walked in.”

“It’s been twenty years.” You laughed.

“Eighteen years, seven months.” He corrected you. “But I could never forget your face.”

You blushed a little, averting your gaze.

“My moms doing ok. Thanks for asking. How’s your mom?” You looked back at him.

“Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.” He told you sadly.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. These things happen.” He shrugged. “Made it to thirty without having a schizophrenic break but now I have to wait until I’m older to find out if I’ll develop Alzheimer’s.”

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped out, Spencer close behind.

“I really am sorry Spencer.”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Is your mom still at Bennington? I used to see her when I went to visit my mom but I moved her out a little while ago.”

“Yeah she’s still there. She likes being close to my dad.”

You both hovered by the exit, not ready to say goodbye.

“Can I take you for coffee? If you don’t have anywhere else to be.” Spencer blushed as he spoke.

“I’d like that. A lot actually. But I’d really like to shower and change out of this getup.” You laughed. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” He grinned at you.

You gave him a smile and turned to leave but before you made it to the door Spencer spoke again.

“Y/N,” he called your name, his voice cracking a little. “You uh...you forgot something.”

You turned to face him curiously.

He walked closer to you and without a second thought, placed his hands on your face and kissed you.

For a second you stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

But after a few moments you wrapped your arms around his neck and opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

When the kiss ended you were both smiling at one another.

“What was that for?” You asked softly.

“Oh you know…” he shrugged with a coy smile. “Just something that needed to be done.”

“I’ll meet you back here in a few hours.” You told him, touching his chest briefly.

“Ok.”

“Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.” He croaked.

And with that you sauntered out the doors but not out of his life.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Spencer?” You’d only made it a few paces away from Bennington before you stopped in your tracks, calling his name. “You uh...you forgot something.”

He turned to face you curiously.

You walked closer to him and without a second thought, placed your hands on his face and kissed him.

He stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

It was just a brief kiss, Spencer was too confused to do anything but stand there dumbly.

“Wh-what was that for?” He swallowed.

“Just something that needed to be done.” You smiled. “Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.”

And with that you sauntered back down the street, hoping that one day, the universe would lead you back into each other’s lives.

—————————————————————

Taglist (let me know if you would like to be added) -

@muffin-cup

@andiebeaword

@mggsprettygirl @measure-in-pain

[scxrsgxrd]

*pulls up at the drive-thru window* yeah can I get an order of Eric having a sassy mouth while his human girlfriend is trying to domme him with a side of 'oh shit' when she threatens him with silver okay thanks i love you

Ma’am, please proceed to the next window to collect your order alongside an extra helping of all my love for you.

WARNINGS: sexy Eric stuff, brief mentions of blood.

Eric’s penchant for teasing didn’t come without its issues. It was often easy to forget that this man had been alive for a millennium, so what felt like an hour to him was a whole evening - dusk until dawn - for you. As the first few rays of morning sunlight flooded your bedroom you audibly groaned, the aching between your legs was like nothing you had ever experienced before, but that was the unfortunate consequence of hours upon hours of edging. Of course Eric hadn’t actually let you have your release. You felt foolish for believing that, before he was due for a week away at some vampire conference he had to keep shtum about, he would allow for your immediate gratification. After all, your neediness was Eric’s biggest kink. He wanted you to ache for him while he was gone, to pine for a release at his hands. A frown began to take its form on your lips as you considered the fact that you had to deal with no company for a week, with no Eric for a week. So how was it fair that he got to dictate your bedroom activities on his last evening in Shreveport?

What Eric didn’t know is that you had become wise to his tactics, to his desire to be in control when it came to sex, which is why you had paid a visit to Fangtasia, and more specifically Pam, when Eric had left.

“You’re asking me for sex advice?” The look of amusement on Pam’s face caused a blush to spread across your cheeks.

“Forget it.” You shook your head and silently cursed yourself, wishing that you’d listened to your gut when it told you to stay home that evening.

“No, now I’m intrigued. Pray tell, little fox.” The blush immediately returned when Pam flashed her million dollar smile while delivering the pet name she had become accustomed to using for you.

“Eric likes control, right? Well what if... I don’t know, what if-”

“I don’t have all fuckin’ night.” Pam growled, her smile swiftly disappearing as she reminded you that her patience for humans was infinitely less than that of Eric’s.

“What if I took that control?”

For a few moments Pam stood silent, and that was the first time you had ever seen her lost for words. She cocked her head to the side, studying you as she considered your question, her amused and slightly mocking expression never leaving for a second as she processed your options. Then, she took a step closer to you, her eyes bearing down on yours as her smile appeared once again. You gulped. In the presence of Pam you always strived to appear defiant, remembering Eric’s comment that “Pam can smell your fear, and it’s her favourite flavour of human”.

“Well, aren’t you just an adorable little fox.” You felt your breath hitch in your throat as Pam’s icy fingers brushed against your cheek, shifting a loose strand of hair off your face as her eyes bore into yours. You felt frozen, unable to respond to the intimidatingly beautiful vampire whose face was now mere inches away from yours.

Pam laughed, clearly satisfied with her effect on you, and opened the door that led down to the basement, gesturing for you to follow her. You stayed still, wary of the implications that could arise from you following Pam into Fangtasia’s specially sound-proofed basement.

“Oh honey, if I wanted to fuck you I wouldn’t do in the basement.” Her response to your caution provided you with some relief.

“I’d do it in Eric’s torture chamber.”

You expected her to laugh again, but this time she didn’t, she just cocked her eyebrow and once again gestured for you to accompany her down to the basement. Still somewhat suspicious, you began to descend down the stony steps below the bar, wincing as a musty smell -  one you couldn’t quite pin down - immediately filled your nostrils. You figured it best to hutch up your sweater over your nose, not willing to ask Pam what the smell had originated from.

Despite wearing heeled boots, Pam made her way down the stairs with ease, sighing impatiently when she saw you were more than halfway behind her, carefully trying not to slip on the suspicious pools of liquid that were dripping down each step.

When you had eventually caught up with her, Pam led you over the corner of the basement, where a few cardboard boxes had been stacked up with ‘Pamela’ scrawled across the front of them in black marker.

Pam flicked open one of the boxes, a smirk appearing on her lips when she delved inside and produced a pair of industrial looking handcuffs. She flung them into your hands along with a small key, and you dangled them in front of your face. Although the handcuffs looked pretty substantial, you were still sceptical that they’d manage to restrain Eric.

“They’re silver lined. If he struggles while wearing them he sets off a trigger where the casing releases the silver on the inside.” Pam was looking at the cuffs intently, clearly feeling nostalgic as she relayed the instructions to you. You opted not to question where she had gotten them from.

“Thanks, Pam.” You flashed her a smile, about to walk back up to the bar when she pressed a small piece of silk material into the palm of your hand. You were slightly confused when you saw that she had handed you what looked, and felt like, an extremely expensive blindfold.

“Why would I need a blindfol- oh.” You nodded, suddenly remembering the hypnotic charm of your boyfriend that could enable him to compel you into submission.

“Have fun, but if you need someone to test out on the cuffs well, you know where I am.”

-

You had spent a good portion of the week shirking your responsibilities while you daydreamed about Eric’s return, about how you were going to finally give him a taste of his own medicine. At multiple intervals during each day you had dug out the cuffs, your belly fluttering with excitement as you eagerly awaited Eric’s return. The days passing by felt like months, until one night you felt a coldness enter your bedroom. It was like a breeze, except there was no whistling or rustling outside your window, there was an eerie silence. You pulled your blanket up to your chin, eyes wide as you listened into the darkness.

After a few minutes of nothingness you felt a body press against yours, a hand gripping at your hair as you were pulled into a kiss. Eric was back. He wasted no time in re-acquainting himself with you, his hands wandering over every inch of your skin as you whined, pushing your hips toward the bulge that had formed in his jeans.

“I... missed... you.” Eric murmured between kisses, keen to keep his lips pressed against yours as he gave your hair a slight tug, earning another whine from you as you started to push his jacket off his shoulders.

“Is this what you want?” He paused for a moment, his forehead resting against yours as you began to pant, nodding your head quickly in response.

You were so wrapped up in Eric being back in your bed that you had almost forgotten about your plans for that evening. Eric groaned in protest when you pulled away from him, reaching over to turn on your lamp and then leaning over the side of your bed to where you had concealed the handcuffs and blindfold.

“Mmmm, I like this view.” Eric slapped your ass before starting to snake his hand between your thighs, leaving you powerless to move as his fingers started to graze across the slick of arousal already dripping from you.

“Eric.” Your protest came out as a squeak, relishing in the feeling of his touch after seven days of his absence. Thankfully Eric sensed that you had other plans in mind, and removed his hand while you turned around to face him, nervously toying with the handcuffs as you watched his eyes snap down to them.

“Lie down with your arms above your head.” You were surprised at the amount of conviction in your voice, and it seemed that Eric was too. He obliged, shuffling his legs down he bed as he lay down, stretching his arms above his head and keeping his wrists together.

You clambered on top of him, positioning yourself on his stomach as you attached the cuffs to his wrists, ensuring that they were secured and locked before moving back onto the mattress.

“Someone’s got their big girl panties on tonight.” Eric turned his head to face you and you could tell he was trying not to laugh, unaware that any annoyance would only worsen and prolong the payback you had planned.

Eric’s gaze remained on you as you yanked down his jeans and boxer shorts, watching intently as his cock slapped against his stomach, resulting in a small sigh from Eric as the constraints of his clothes were finally removed.

What you hadn’t anticipated was Eric’s deviousness coming into play so early, and when you pulled your nightshirt over your head he snapped his wrists apart, expecting the handcuffs to bust open and allow him to take back his control. A loud hiss filled your bedroom, and you threw your shirt on the floor to see Eric’s fangs were out, and that was writhing around on your bed, his toes starting to curl as he frantically tried to free himself.

“Stop wriggling, it’ll only stop if you’re still.”

Eric stilled immediately, his eyes blazing as you positioned yourself between his legs.

“Pam.” He growled, the penny dropping as he remembered a tale she had told him many moons ago about a custom pair of handcuffs she had specially made for her and an ‘old friend’.

At that moment, you knew it was time to introduce the blindfold. Eric was clearly unamused, and you didn’t trust him not to use his supernatural abilities to his advantage. Another, more feral growl erupted from somewhere deep in his throat as you fixed the silk blindfold across his eyes, obscuring his view and ensuring that he couldn’t charm his way out of the cuffs.

“Is this what you want?” You placed a kiss on his knee.

There was a brief moment of silence before Eric nodded. Despite his initial rage, your attempt at dominance was beginning to intrigue him, and he knew that not making your job easy for you would likely cause you to relinquish your control over him.

“Then we’re doing it on my terms. I want you to keep your smart mouth shut, or there’ll be hell to pay.”

Slowly, you wrapped your hand around his cock, twisting your hand in a clockwise motion as Eric’s lips parted, the small beam of light from your lamp reflecting off his fangs as his tongue swiped across them.

“Yeah, that’s it.” Eric’s hips bucked off the bed, encouraging your movements as you pumped your hand up and down his cock, waiting for the tell-tale moment when his whole body went stiff. Sure enough, after a few strokes of your hand a long, loud string of moans left Eric, and you ceased your movements.

“What are you-”

Your hand connected with his cheek, but he didn’t flinch.

“Ooo, that tickled.”

“I thought I told you to shut the fuck up.” You swiftly delivered another smack, but it didn’t deter Eric, instead it only seemed to encourage him.

“Is this the hell I’m paying?”

The anger began to bubble inside you and you opened your mouth, ready to raise your voice when you managed to stop yourself. This is what he wanted. He wanted to rile you up so that you’d let him take over once again.

When you didn’t respond and he could no longer feel your touch Eric’s brows began to furrow, he lifted his head off the pillows as if attempting to strain his eyes to find your whereabouts. That was when a soft moan left you, and the sweet scent of your arousal hit Eric, causing him to struggle against he restraints once more as he no longer needed to see you to figure out what you were up to.

Once again he hissed, this time adding in a few colourful cuss words as he triggered the punishing response of the cuffs.

You moaned once more, and Eric could hear the sound of your finger dipping in and out of your entrance, his heightened senses making your actions all the more painful as for the first time he felt powerless, something he hadn’t experienced in centuries.

“Please.” Admittedly you would’ve liked for him to sound a little more pleading, but decided to relent.

“Are you going to be quiet? Be good for me?” There was an edge to your voice that Eric had never heard before, and the aching of his cock was beginning to become unbearable. His time away from you had been excruciating, so he nodded, willing to subvert his authority if it meant he could have your touch once more.

So Eric complied, clamping his jaw shut and fighting against all of his natural instincts as you exercised your newfound control, continually edging him closer and closer to his release before stopping your actions completely. You knew how much Eric was itching to snap as you watched his thighs begin to quiver, more and more liquid leaking out of him as his fangs sunk into his tongue, causing his lips to become stained with his crimson blood as you gently traced your fingers along his stomach. A quiet mewl escaped from Eric’s lips as you gently moved your middle finger up the length of his cock, he was so sensitive that he was sure he could come just from that minor touch. But you knew that too, so you withdrew your finger and pressed a kiss against his thigh, letting him have a minute or so before you began your ministrations all over again.

-

When the digital clock at your bedside relayed the time to you, you retrieved the key for the handcuffs. It was 5:30am, just enough time for Eric to return home before sunrise, but not enough time for him to release his frustrations out onto you. No, he would have to wait a whole fourteen hours before he could his exact his own payback.

You carefully removed the cuffs, discarding them onto your bedside table. You were about to free Eric from the blindfold when you heard a tearing sound, and then felt two hands clamp onto your waist, the remains of the blindfold sitting on your pillow as Eric pulled you down onto the bed, his lips engulfing yours. As much as he was deeply irritated at the nights events, he was also proud of you. Proud that you had managed him and his attempts to vex you.

Knowing that he couldn’t afford even another minute of chancing, he gathered up his clothes and dressed himself, watching as the sun had just started to peak over the horizon. His bulge was still extremely prominent in his jeans, and he winced a little as he fixed up his belt.

“I will deal with you tonight.”

And then he was gone.

[milfjensenackles]

good 4 u

1.7k words | read it on ao3

inspired by good 4 u by olivia rodrigo. cas confronts dean about kicking him about of the bunker. set during 9x06

“What are you doing here, Dean?”

Dean walked up and placed a candy bar on the counter in front of Castiel, who was working the register at his new job at the Gas-N-Sip. It was the first time Cas had seen him in months, ever since Dean unceremoniously kicked Castiel out of the bunker without explanation. Dean had his typical shit-eating grin on his face, which only served to frustrate Castiel further. Cas looked him up and down. He was sure his face gave away both the simultaneous relief and anger he felt at seeing Dean again.

“There’s a case nearby. Thought you might want to help out.”

Cas felt something akin to disappointment, but he couldn’t figure out why. He scanned the candy bar, and once Dean paid for it, he handed the chocolate back to him. “I can’t, Dean. I’m working. It was hard enough trying to find a job around here, I can’t lose this one.”

Dean winked at him and Cas couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his face. “I can wait until you’re off the clock. I’ll pick you up. What time?”

Cas let Dean know when and where to pick him up in a few short hours, and then he walked out the front door, already having eaten three-quarters of the chocolate bar he purchased moments ago. Cas watched him pull out of the parking lot through the window. He missed Dean desperately. All Cas wanted… All Cas dreamed about since leaving the bunker was Dean coming back for him like he did today. Except Dream Dean would ask Cas to come home with him. Dream Dean would ask Cas to stay.

The next customer in line tapped his hand on the counter to get Cas’ attention. “Hey buddy, I don’t got all day.”

Cas apologized before continuing his work mindlessly, imagining what it might be like to quit his job right now and leave to hunt with Dean every day, so that he might somehow prove his usefulness to the man he considered a best friend.

Dean picked Cas up at five o’ clock on the dot as promised. The case seemed simple for Dean’s standards, but Cas wasn’t going to point that out if it meant they could spend more time together.

Cas couldn’t help but stare at Dean as he impersonated yet another FBI agent at the scene of the crime. Castiel knew he had strong feelings for Dean. He’s known since he pulled Dean out of Hell. It wasn’t until he became human, though, that he learned of the true nature of these feelings. Dean laughed at something another police officer said, and Cas grinned too. Dean was beautiful. Cas wished he could tell Dean how beautiful he is. Dean couldn’t, wouldn’t ever feel the same for Castiel, though. Cas knew that. Why else would Dean kick him out of the bunker? Now that Cas didn’t have the ability to heal Dean and Sam or help them fight, Dean didn’t want him around. It made sense. Cas didn’t blame him.

After they finished gathering as much information as possible from the witnesses in town that evening, Dean stopped to grab a couple of burgers at a drive-thru and then took them back to a local motel. The drive over was silent. Once they finally pulled into the parking lot, Dean put the Impala in park and looked over at Cas.

“So we’ll stay here tonight, and then I can drive you back to work in the morning on my way out of town.”

Cas remained silent.

“Cas, buddy? Does that sound okay?”

Cas spoke through gritted teeth. “That’s fine.”

They walked into the room Dean booked earlier that day. Cas placed his single bag on the floor but remained near the door, hoping to avoid any more conversation until Dean fell asleep.

“Are you mad at me or somethin’?” Dean placed his wallet on the bedside table before moving closer to where Cas was standing. Cas took a small step back, increasing the space between them like Dean was a magnet and Cas was the opposing force.

“I don’t want your pity, Dean. Allowing you to pay for this hotel room is more than I should have let happen.” Cas clenched his fists against the side of his jeans, feeling sick at the idea of Dean staying here with him, pathetically human. Powerless. And yet he didn’t really want Dean to leave him again, either.

Dean started to take some wadded-up bills out of his wallet. “Cas… would you just- “

“No, Dean.”

Dean held up his hands in surrender. “If you’re doing so well, I’ll just leave you alone then. Fine.”

“You know what, Dean? I’m not doing well. I’m miserable. I don’t know how to be human. I had to learn how to brush my teeth from the homeless man I met on my way to the bunker who was kind enough to provide me with toothpaste. I don’t understand why you kicked me out and then decided to come rub it in my face when I was finally doing okay without you. Do you know how many nights I spent sleeping on the floor of the Gas-N-Sip, crying? Not understanding what it meant to feel emotion strong enough that it caused my eyes to water?” Cas gestured to his eyes, finally pausing for a moment, “You seem like you’re doing fine without me, but if you cared enough to ask you would know that I’m not. So good for you, I guess.”

Dean was staring at him, bewildered by the sudden outburst. Cas suddenly felt embarrassed and looked away in an attempt to hide the heat that was spreading across his face.

“Cas…” Dean attempted before he was cut off by Cas holding his hand up to stop him. Dean took another step toward Cas. Cas took another step back, until he was standing up against the door of the motel room.

“Dean, don’t. You don’t have to say anything. I’ll just leave. I shouldn’t have come in the first place.”

Cas reached for the doorknob but was stopped suddenly by a hand on top of his own. Dean was much closer than a moment before, his breath ghosting across the side of Castiel’s face and his other hand reaching up to press against Cas’ chest, holding him in place. “Cas, please,” Dean whispered, “Just let me explain.”

Cas shook his head, flicking his eyes down to Dean’s mouth before looking back into his eyes. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

Dean’s lips parted immediately, eyes going wide. He leaned in slightly, waiting for permission, as though he wasn’t completely sure this was what Cas was asking him for. Cas removed his hand from the doorknob to wrap his arms around Dean’s waist, pulling him in to finally close the distance between them.

Cas immediately melted into it, sliding one of his hands up Dean’s back and spreading his fingers through Dean’s thick hair that he’d always wanted to touch. Dean responded in kind, pressing Cas against the door like he couldn’t get their bodies close enough. Dean moved his hands under the trenchcoat, gripping Cas’ hips hard. He maneuvered them so that Cas’ back was to the rest of the room, pushing backwards until Cas’ knees hit the bed and they fell onto it together, Dean straddling Cas’ thighs and moving him up across the bedspread.

“Cas,” Dean breathed out against Cas’ lips, “I never wanted you to leave. I had to… I had to…”

“Dean, please. Just let me have this,” Cas begged, pressing open-mouthed kisses to Dean’s neck, “If you’re going to leave again, just give me this one thing.”

Dean pulled back like he’d been punched in the face. “Cas, what? I thought we were finally on the same page here.” Cas tried to interrupt again, but Dean placed his thumb along Cas’ bottom lip to quiet him. “Let me talk. I came here to see you. I don’t care about the case. I don’t care about anything else. It’s been killing me to know you’re out here all alone and I can’t do anything about it. So no, I’m not doing fine without you, Cas. I’m doing terrible.”

Dean moved his hand to gently cup Cas’ chin, and Cas leaned into it. Dean kissed Cas again, slowly this time, as though he wanted to savor the moment. Cas felt like he might cry, for an entirely different reason than when he was sleeping on a gas station floor. Cas felt… cherished. He pulled away from Dean again. “Dean, I… why did you ask me to leave, then?”

Dean flopped forward onto Cas, pressing his face into the mattress behind Cas’ shoulder and groaning. “Cas, believe me. That’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I would take it back if I could, but Sammy was gonna die. I prayed for help and the angel Ezekiel answered me. He possessed Sam, but if Ezekiel leaves Sam’s body, Sam won’t make it. Ezekiel told me you had to leave. I didn’t have a choice, Cas. I didn’t, and I’m so sorry.”

Cas sat up, pulling Dean with him, and looked into his eyes. “I understand, Dean. You did what you had to do for your brother. I would have done the same for either of you.”

Dean moved to hold Cas’ face in his hands. His eyes shone with what Cas understood to be relief and quite possibly… fondness. “I love you, Cas. I should’ve told you a long time ago. This isn’t a one-time thing for me. I love you so much.”

Cas was shocked by this confession, never expecting them to get this far. He always imagined his life with Dean at the center, possibly growing old together but expecting nothing from the other man. Now, the possibilities were endless. Dean, the man he had loved for so long, loved him in return. Cas would spend the rest of his short human life cherishing Dean like a man kneeling at an altar might cherish his god. Cas pressed their lips together, soft and sweet, before responding, “I love you, too, Dean.”

[yuthoe]

Day 31: Against the Rules (ONEUS: LEEDO)

HAPPY LAST DAY OF MTM!!! today's prompt from the ever beloved list is:

Day 31: Friends to Lovers

this one is baaad bad hahahaha idk what i was on when i decided on the premise for this, considering i'd also done the shinwon one literally two days ago. but by the time i realized, it was already 9:30pm and i was running out of time lol

re: the prompts i missed—i'm gonna leave Day 1 for last, cuz i want to end it with Friends to Lovers as well, but the rest of the fics will come out jumbled. that's 19 fics spaced throughout the month of june, which is pretty doable. i was able to write more fics this month than i estimated, so i'm really proud of myself for that. please look forward to the rest of my fills!

PAIRING: LEEDO x reader. GENRE: fic, fluff, mild angst (cuz secret relationship wooo), office!AU. WARNINGS: none. WORD COUNT: 952.

---

Three knocks on your desk makes you look up from the stapled pile of data you’re reviewing. Geonhak is smiling softly at you, thin-rimmed glasses perched on his nose, looking all handsome and refreshed like he hasn’t been cooped up in the conference room having meetings all day.

“Hey,” you whisper, setting down the file and your highlighter and crossing your arms on the desk.

“Hey,” he replies, half-sitting on the edge of your table. “You ready to go?”

You blink in surprise and glance at the clock at the corner of your computer screen. “The hell, it’s already 5?”

Geonhak’s deep chuckle sends shivers deep in your chest. “I know right? There was so much to do today, I’m so ready for the weekend.”

“I’m already packing my bag,” you say, shutting off the computer—but not before saving the open Word and Excel windows—and tidying up. The papers strewn across your desk are swiftly put into neat piles, and you make sure to organize them in a way you’d still remember when Monday comes around again.

“Take your time,” Geonhak says, shifting to make himself comfortable on your table. “There’s still a lot of people anyway; the elevators are gonna be full if we go now.”

“True,” you say, wagging a finger at him and double checking the papers on your desk, the keys in your bag, and the flash drive containing reports for review.

Geonhak catches you sliding it into a pocket in your bag and says, “Hey! Hey, no, you aren’t taking work home this weekend.” He holds out his hand and curls his fingers, waiting for you to give him the USB.

You sigh, endeared more than anything. “But I have a whole backlog of minutes to revise that you made.”

Your coworker scoffs. “The departments won’t mind if I hand in the minutes late—they never read them anyway.” He curls his fingers again. “Now give it. You’re gonna spend the weekend relaxing with me.”

A blush creeps up your cheeks at his admission, and you look around the near empty office in case someone heard. “Don’t say it so loud,” you say, slapping him lightly on the arm. “I don’t want either of us to lose our jobs, you know.”

“Sorry,” he whispers, voice so deep it comes out barely audible. “I just don’t want you overworking. Remember that one time you took way too many overtime days and ended up sick with a fever for three days?” He gives the room a glance and, finding it empty of people save for yourselves, rests a warm hand on top of yours. “Take the weekend off, babe?”

The heat in your face persists—you’re still not used to the pet name Geonhak quickly gave you once you got together. It’s only been a few months, after all. And though your working relationship quickly developed into friendship—realizing you went to the same college and sharing an enjoyment for mobile games can do that to people—and naturally into a romantic relationship, you’re still trying to be careful.

The company doesn’t allow that kind of thing, and if HR finds out there’s a danger of one or both of you getting fired. That’s why you limit your contact with each other during work hours and stay back at the office a bit after hours so he can drive you home or you can have dinner together.

You sigh. “Fine, fine,” you concede, dropping the eraser-shaped USB in his palm. Geonhak in turn drops it into your pen holder, an old blue mug from a friend that you accidentally broke the handle off of. An amused smile creeps onto your face. “You know I can just easily take it from that pen holder again, right?”

He returns your smile. “I know,” he says, raising a hand and brushing his fingertips across your cheekbone. “But I trust you not to.” Geonhak hesitates a moment before dropping a kiss to your crown. You savor the feeling of his plush lips in your hair, big palm cradling your jaw, subtle cologne overtaking your senses.

He pulls away, and you already miss him. “You ready to go?” he asks again.

You nod this time, taking your bag and brushing down your slacks, before rounding the table and resting a hand on your boyfriend’s shoulder. You give him a swift peck on the cheek and watch his eyes widen in surprise.

“Let’s go,” you say, pulling him up. “Let’s grab some drive-thru before heading over to your place, yeah?”

Geonhak nods, “Yeah, sounds good… Taco Bell?—Oh yeah, the live stream for Genshin is tonight, dude we gotta go.” He snatches your hand and speeds off towards the door.

“What?” you say, fumbling to catch up. You quickly turn off the lights and lock the door before speed-walking to the elevators. “Dude, you should have said so earlier.”

“Hey,” he protests, jabbing the down button of the elevator. “I had to put you off from working this weekend, and I succeeded, didn’t I? I need some time to work my magic, babe.”

You scoff, a big grin on your face as the elevator dings open. “Okay, fine, you did what you had to, now come ooon!” You push him into the elevator, Geonhak’s laughter echoing in the enclosed space. “I don’t wanna miss it!”

He’s still laughing when he presses the button for the lobby, and your butterflies erupt in your stomach. You can never get over how starkly different and adorable his laugh is from his normal speaking voice.

You watch the overhead monitor blink the floor numbers, and intertwine your fingers, content with this little big secret, content to be keeping it with a dear friend.

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Quarantine

When Chris’s honeymoon gets cancelled and Scott ends up getting quarantined with them to avoid New York, their lives turn to absolute chaos. This ended up being SO long!

-

           “Can I, uh…?” Chris cocked his head at the door to their home office, where his wife of a full week was sitting at her desk. She nodded, turning off her microphone and getting up. She didn’t even know why they wanted her sitting in on that meeting.

           “Yeah?” She asked as she joined him at the door. He smelled like the shaving cream he had just used in his shower.

           “So, uh, Scott’s boyfriend might or might not be sick,” Chris started, eyes squinting like he was waiting for a blow. “And he can’t be around the kids, or Mom and Dad until he tests, so can we…?” She knew what he was asking before he even finished.

           “Yes, he can stay here,” she sighed. “But no funny business, okay? I still have to work until I finish this project.” Chris grinned like a little kid whose parents said he can keep the stray dog.

           “Thank you, I love you, and he’ll be here in two hours.”

           “New York is three and a half hours away,” she reminded him, tilting her head.

           “I know. I told him he could come an hour and a half ago.”

           “Christopher!” She chided as he chuckled. “You have to make dinner tonight, then, because I’m not doing it.”

           “Fine,” he agreed. “If you feed the dogs.” She rolled her eyes and went back to work. The next time she even looked up and out the window was when Scott’s car pulled up in the driveway and he began taking a suspicious amount of luggage from it. Chris ran to the front door, guarding Dodger and their puppy, Rex, from getting out. She stood up, ready to greet Scott from six feet away.

-

           “No, no, no, you have to read the definition!” Scott exclaimed to his brother, holding his cards against humanity game in his hands. “It’s in the rules!”

           “Because you go by all the rules!” Chris taunted back, shaking his head. “I’m not reading the definition of fuckin’ Bukkake in front of my wife.”

           “You gotta!” Chris rolled his eyes but took his phone out of his pocket anyway, his face turning as red as a tomato as he read.

           “A relatively common prono fetish that includes one sperm recipient, usually of the female variety, and at least 3 or more sperm donors,” Chris read, slapping his phone down on the wooden table. “There! Happy?”

           “Oh, very,” Scott grinned like a mad man, so much so that it made Chris get up and whack the back of his head. She realized what was happening and held her arms out.

           “Nope!” She said. “No fighting. Scott’s card is the winner, and…”

           “Ha!” Scott yelled. “I won!”

           “AND he has to go walk the dogs before they poop all over the house as punishment for making Chris read an embarrassing definition out loud when it isn’t even in the rules!” She finished, putting all of her cards down. Both boys exclaimed in disgust, but they stopped arguing. Scott stood up, and so did Rex, who was sitting under the table waiting for scraps that would never come.

           “Maybe I should’ve gotten sick,” Scott groaned as he walked over to where they kept the leashes. Chris’s earlier disgust turned to laughter as he watched his brother gather the plastic bags they kept for a very specific purpose. Within a minute, Scott had both dogs leashed and was walking out of the door, while Chris cleaned up the six pack and two extras they’d had and she picked up the box of cards Scott had brought along.

           “I can not believe you let him win!” Chris said as he poured the last few drops of a beer bottle down the sink drain. She smirk. “You literally married me last week!”

           “And if it weren’t for Coronavirus, we would be swimming with pigs in the Bahamas! And drinking for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! And it would be socially appropriate!” Chris chuckled.

           “It’s better to be stuck here than there, you know that.” He knew she was disappointed, and not just because she hadn’t moved her boarding pass from the dining room table. “But I was not about to have you getting sick and die of fuckin’ Coronavirus right after I marry you.”

           “But pigs on a white sand beach, Christopher. Pigs.” He put the last of the bottles in the trash and slid it closed, then walked over to where she was standing sorting cards. He grabbed her from the back, hugging her tightly to him, and kissed the exposed skin on her shoulder.

           “I’ll make it up to you,” he said, pulling her hair aside to kiss her again. She cringed at the feeling. “Give me about ten minutes.”

           “Your beard tickles.”

           “Get used to it. It’s a quarantine beard and it’s happening.” She giggled.

           “How long do you think this’ll last?” He shrugged.

           “I don’t know, but I can guarantee we’ll get stir crazy within a week.” She took in a deep breath.

           “It better not last long because I’m going to need, just, like, an hour at some point.” Chris chuckled again, hugging her tighter.

“I’ll finish up here. You worked hard today. You should sleep.”

           “And that’s why I love you,” she replied. “It takes minimal to no effort to get you to do things for me.” Chris scoffed, but watched her disappear up the set of stairs to their bathroom to take off the makeup she had been forced to put on for a meeting.

-

           “Please tell me why you thought this was a good idea,” she groaned as she pushed the heavy couch toward Chris, who was standing on top of the dining room table, as she and Scott moved every single item of furniture around until it was in the same place it had been for the past six months.

           “Because I thought the couch would look better exchanged with the loveseat and then the loveseat with the old armchair and the picture of the creepy sea captain with the sea shell thing you have?” Chris suggested. She just glared at him.

           “Chris, we’ve been here for two hours.”

           “You didn’t even let me have a water break!” Scott complained as he flopped down on the couch. Chris got down from the table, arms crossed against his chest.

           “Well, what if we switched the piano with the sideboard? Then it would be easier to find the leashes and-”

           “I,” she started to reply, “am not moving anything else in this house.” She sat down on the loveseat, putting her feet up on the coffee table. Chris leaned down to the floor to pet Dodger.

           “At least my dog loves me,” Chris said.

           “Dodger, come here!” Scott interrupted. The dog perked up his ears and left Chris’s lap for his brother, curling up against him immediately.

           “We’re not talking to you until you make us quarantine grilled cheeses,” she said to Chris as he stood up.

           “We’re going to run out of bread.”

           “Not if I go get the sourdough starter from Ellie.”

           “Ellie doesn’t live in this house.”

           “But I can get it without even touching-”

           “We will make our own bread!” Chris declared. “Nobody leaves this house unless it’s Scott because he’s sick.”

           “Dude, thanks for giving me up.”

           “Thanks for taking my dog.”

-

           “How much longer are we going to be in actual prison?” She asked Chris as he laid back down in their bed holding a cup of coffee in each hand.

           “How many mornings are you going to make me make this?” He asked in response, handing her the Dalgona coffee she saw on Tik Tok the day before.

           “It’s good, so….” Chris sighed and put his arm between her head and the bed’s headboard, trying to wake up enough to understand what the TV was saying.

           “… Has been extended through May 4th, 2020, with another possible extension…” Both of them groaned so loudly that Scott thought they were doing something else when he walked by. He walked into the room with his own cup of hot coffee, looking at the TV before his brother and sister-in-law.

           “I’m not fuckin’ staying in this house until May 4th,” she said loudly. “Chris, make it go away.”

           “What am I supposed to do?”

           “I don’t know, call the senators and make them stop it.” Chris rolled his eyes.

           “Babe. That is not what ASP is about.” It was her turn to roll her eyes at her husband, mocking him much like Scott did.

           “Don’t start with that again,” Scott said, “it’s great, but annoying.”

           “You’re annoying.” Chris shot his brother a threatening look until he went back to the guest bedroom. “I don’t wanna stay here until May 4th either.”

           “That’s Star Wars day.”

           “Oh, hey, we could watch the new one,” Chris suggested. “Unless you lied and watched it without me.”

           “Like how you took Miles and Stella and bought them lightsabers and didn’t get me one?” She pouted.

           “Are you still mad about that?”

           “As mad as when our honeymoon got cancelled because of Coronavirus.” Chris put his coffee down and hugged her close to him. “I wanted to fuck you on a beach.”

           “And you will. You… already did, that one weekend in the Hamptons. But my point is…” The two dogs jumped up on the bed, joining their parents in a cuddle. “We’ll go when the stay at home is lifted, okay? I really don’t want to get stuck somewhere else or get sick. This shit’s serious.”

           “I know.”

           “And at least we can still spend time together. And I don’t have to be in LA next week.” Chris pressed a soft, sweet kiss to her lips. She tasted like instant coffee. “I love you and I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

-

           It had been three days and she was waiting for the I’ll-make-it-up-to-you that Chris promised. He always made promises and always kept them, always, so it was only a matter of time before something was done. It had been two weeks since Scott tested negative at a drive-thru, too, so he’d finally gone to see his sisters and the kids. Rex and Dodger weren’t battling it out for some reason, instead on their respective beds on the floor on either side of the TV stand. She was on the couch, playing Animal Crossing for the third day in a row since she’d gotten it from Target drive-up. And Chris was, surprisingly, nowhere to be found. He’d been gone since he delivered her coffee that morning. Until she heard the back door slide open and Chris walked inside in the clothes he usually painted or cleaned in.

           “Come outside,” Chris instructed. “I’m not letting you negotiate, come outside.” He had a shit-eating grin on his face, one that said he knew exactly what he was doing.

           “Why?”

           “Humor me, baby, please?” He asked, walking up to her and offering her a hand. He smelled like chemicals. For some reason, she loved him so much that she was about to cooperate with whatever scheme he had come up with to entertain them for the day.

           “Why are you taking me to the backyard?” She was suspicious. The same kind of suspicious she was on the day that he proposed to her nine months ago. But Chris didn’t answer. He just kept holding her hand and leading her outside with a stupid smile on his face and a Patriots hat on his forehead to hide it. She reached the door and looked outside to where the pool had been covered since October, since Chris was too lazy to get it heated. But this time, he had opened the pool and balanced the chemicals and cleaned the algae out. He’d cleaned off the chairs and the tables. Her tan lotion and a towel was sitting on one of the chairs, Chris’s towel and water bottle on the other. He’d taken her old sorority cooler out and filled it with beer and White Claw. He’d tried to make the honeymoon they couldn’t have.

           “Christopher,” she said as he dropped her hand. Her heart melted into a million fucking pieces at the sight, and she just looked over at him.

           “Did I do okay?” He wasn’t playing – he was genuinely asking her if he did okay.

           “Yeah.” Tears started coming to her eyes, too quickly to stop, and she stood up and kissed him. “I love you,” she said.

           “I love you too.” He gave her a watery smile and a kiss on her forehead, pulling her in for a hug. “I promise we’ll go swim with pigs once quarantine is over. Now go put your swimsuit on so I can take it off.”

           “You’re a fucking child.” She stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, thanking him again, as she turned to go change clothes. That was when a certain SUV rolled up in the driveway and Chris’s demeanor changed.

           “No,” Chris said to himself. Scott was back.

           “Chris, it’s fine!” Chris didn’t listen, instead crossing the backyard to the gate and then the gate to Scott’s car, where he tried to wave him back inside.

           “No, no, no, no, you said you were gonna be gone all day!” Scott turned off his car and got out.

           “What?”

           “I made… Oh, come on! Go back to Mom and Dad’s!”

           “I was just there!”      

           “Then go play with Miles and Stella!”

           “Why?”

           “Because I made the Bahamas in the pool for my wife.” Scott scoffed. “I didn’t even show her the blow-up flying pig floatie I ordered off Amazon.”

           “That’s all you needed to say, bud.” Scott patted his brother’s shoulder.

           “What, I needed to say a flying pig floatie or…”

           “Go spend some time with your wife, man. It’s fine. God knows when this thing is going to be over. You deserve a little happy.”

           “Dude, I live here.” Scott shook Chris’s shoulder before slipping his sunglasses back on his face and slinking back into his car. Chris sighed happily, walking back to the backyard. She was standing there, phone in her hand, and only in the towel Chris had left out for her.

           “Hey,” he replied, “good news, Scott…” He chuckled. “Are you filming this?”

           “There’s a thing on Tik Tok where you go to your boys and drop your towel,” she said with a little sad face, thinking he wasn’t into it.

           “Oh. Then go ahead.” She held her phone in the hand, dropping the towel, and watching Chris’s face light up.

           “Thank you for making our Bahamas,” she said as she shut the phone off, having recorded his reaction. She reached for the towel on the floor, but Chris shook his head.

           “There’s no way that’s going back on. If all I had to do was this to get this, then what will doing the dishes do?”

           “Chris!”

[sparklysung]

hey lia! how are you today 🥲❤️ ive been trying to get back into my writing game (which is a slow process considering i still don’t have my planning book with me goddamit) and whoa i just remembered i have to finish posting that bts series WHOOPS I FORGOT ABOUT MY WRITING BLOG WAHAHAO SOF 💀 but i promise bae, chenle fic coming, when i can finally get past my writer’s block (even though i have it all laid out for me god i need to re-familiarise myself with my own story hahaha)

anyway i thought of u just now because i was scrolling thru my liked posts tryna find a renjun fic that i read ages ago (maybe not ages but a month or so), and i saw ‘open curtains’ in there and i couldn’t help but smile because GOSH DARN THAT SERIES WAS- 😭💕👌👌 TOP TIER YO SHEEESH. and un… if you happen to know what fic i’m talking about, it’s a renjun country club au with smut, the reader is an arts major, renjun is the son of a rich ass guy and is friends with jeno(?) another rich ass guy’s son and they follow their dads to play golf every week, while reader is a golf caddy. let me know if u know 😅 i remembered it today…

lastly the memes yes the memes aren’t all nct this time but as are still nonetheless memes

hey sof! i'm great kinda struggling bc i thought the fic i'm currently writing would only take me like 4 more days but it's sitting at 7k words rn and i'm not even halfway done💀, but anyway, hbu? dude how do you forget a whole blog i- LMAO i'm genuinely so excited for that fic, istg, i really need more lele content rn. but please, take your time, don't rush it and don't push yourself either! once you are able to overcome it, things will flow smoothly and you'll get things ready to post. tbh 99% of the time i'm stuck on writer's block💀 it's not funny anymore i hate it:( pls go away either way, i'm happy for you and i hope you get back at it soon!

i-, thank you sis😭 i'm so soft rn, it makes me so happy to hear that from you omg sjdkfjsdj i wouldn't say top tier bUT i liked it a lot since that was the first thing i started writing for this blog lmao, good ol' times. mmm i don't think i've read a fic similar to what you describe but sounds very interesting👀

DUDE THE CATS I- i've got 5 cats and not a single one of them looks like those wth💀 that's how my paintings would turn out if i tried to become an artist lmao. also, how on earth did they print that pic ACCIDENTALLY LMAO I'M SO DONE😭 i want a relationship like that, tho i'd probably switch between ty and dy and drive my partner crazy oof although my mood most of the time is dy lmao

–lia:)

[prettypurpleponies]

At first I was so sad and disappointed after the horse show but after some reflection I’m feeling much better about it.

Part of it was I was super excited for it so my expectations were just really high, and I was really looking forward to doing the 2’ and pushing myself to get the height and have it feel good. And then because no one else was doing the 2’ foot the trainer made me drop down in the 18” which was super disappointing. And like I get it it doesn’t make sense to make 9 other horses plus entourage stay an extra an hour just for me.... but like I also I had been working really hard for the two foot and I really wanted to do it. And then the switch was super stressful too because she didn’t tell me until everyone else was all tacked and ready to go. So I had like a mad dash panic trying to get him tacked and changed and everything. Which was like okay because I had everything ready to go and the class was super big so I did have a lot more time than I thought. But still mad rush panic on top of disappointment is not a great mental state.

And then there’s the fact that everyone else regularly rides with the trainer who came but I ride with a different trainer at the barn which can really make me feel like an outsider and an inconvenience. She’s nice about it, and still gives tips and corrections but it’s harder when I don’t have the rapport with her but she does with all the other riders. And then Like I go in late to join the schooling and the trainer tells me I should just go to warm up ring since he doesn’t need to school since I was planning on doing higher anyway. Which like while true also feels very much like you go over there while we do this.

Plus with dropping down a division I felt like a weird amount of pressure to do really well, and it was a huge class. Plus it has hunters which all about getting your leads and he’s not super great about them. And he’ll do them for his owner who does regularly ride with the trainer so she kept yelling to have me do flying changes with him and it’s just like..... I can’t really get him to do those consistently. Which is just left me feeling extra defeatist. But like I only did my first ever flying change like six month ago and he doesn’t just give them to you. And he gets unbalanced on the wrong lead, which makes me unbalanced and I had been really struggling then a couple months ago, but was finally getting good consistent quick simple changes in the corners. Which is great for normal riding, but those couple trot steps are a big no no in the hunters. So then like it would be better to just leave him on the wrong lead. Which was too much to deal with.

And then we had a couple bad walk- canter transitions in the flat classes (one where we had to trot thru on his bad side which I expected and was tbh fine AND THEN ONE where he picked up straight from a walk in the corner somehow onto his bad lead, which was the incorrect lead, and we canter the whole long side on the wrong lead tight in front of the judge 🤦‍♀️ I didn’t even think to check until the next corner when it felt bad because good direction, plus corner, plus good transition. Sigh.) and they announce the results of the flat class right after so I just was feeling terrible. To get forced down into a lower division and then not do well or ride well was just the worst feeling ever.

But then we went to look at the jumping results and I did better in them and placed in three out of four jumping classes and maybe it shouldn’t have but it did make me feel a little better. I was and still am a little bit upset about being forced into a lower division, but I’m feeling much better about how I ride and how my horse my did.

The jumping class we didn’t we didn’t place in was one where we did a simple change because I got annoyed about just being on the wrong lead and I tried and missed the flying, but it was a choice. And we had a super long spot, which was uhhh less of choice but we had a good recovery!

And then in the one of the equitation classes we got a third! Which out of 12 people is actually pretty great! The course like Sergio because he got one of his leads over the jump going to his good lead, and then I was able to get a flying change in the corner going the other direction! And I’m actually very pleased to have done so well in equitation because I’ve really been trying to work on it!

And then in the two hunter classes he got a fifth and sixth where he just got to keep his wrong lead. Aka after the first jump do the whole course on his favorite lead.... 🤷‍♀️ but still with class sizes of 12 and 11 not a bad showing.

AND HE GOT ALL HIS STRIDES WHICH WAS THE BIG GOAL OF THE DAY.

The goals were:

1. Go over all the jumps in the right order, first try. Very accomplishable and easy for us.

2. Get all the strides correct. Doable but takes a lot left because he really likes to add. Although he’s often more forward at horse shows so in theory easier. But we also didn’t leave out any and had a good rhythm throughout. So I’m pretty damn pleased here.

3. Get all our leads. Lol no. But this was always going to be a hard a goal and we did do it for one course! And I hadn’t fully realized just how badly scored simple changes where until like at the show. So I’m okay with this.

Plus my horse was super all day and just the best boy! He always tries his best for me and I love and appreciate him so much! He makes it all better. I’m definitely still a little disappointed to have not been able/allowed to do the two feet but I still got to have fun jumping my horse and hanging with my barn friends.

Also look how cute he is with his show halter and braids.

[benbantz]

Week 17 with long term Covid

Hello to anyone reading this, those I know and those I don’t.

Had Covid 19 now for 17 weeks (or suffering after effects of covid, how ever you want to word it.) Point is had/have Corona and it’s still kicking my arse.

So since my recent facebook update (after being pretty quiet on social media for a while) a couple of peeps have messaged me asking about my symptoms and stuff as (apart from the first 2-3 weeks) I haven't really gone into any detail I just sort of say 'having rough week' or 'things flared up again' etc etc. Without going into too much detail about anything specific. So for anyone interested, and because people have been curious and asking - and as you’ll see is far to detailed to explain person to person (and want to spread the word about long haulers as a lot of people struggling) So it’s just easier for me to have it in one place. For myself more then anything. And if you get anything out of it then that’s great.

Things are just starting to come out about long haulers in the media and on the news and I know people are interested to learn a bit more about it all. So while I’m having a not too bad a time last couple of days I’d thought it’s a good a time as any to go thru all my symptoms. Get them typed out for first time.

And maybe it will be helpful to someone who randomly comes across this post - (thou please don’t use as a guide), every case is different, a lot of similarities   and cross overs , but ultimately different  Just because someone you know might be having a rough couple of days or experiencing a couple of these symptoms it could be something completely unrelated to covid. (Make sure you check with your GP or call 111 if you think you have covid symptoms long term or otherwise.) I am not a Dr.

Here's a list of everything been going on with me over last 17 weeks.           Some experiences have been completely new to me so very hard to explain , some descriptions may sound a little odd , but hopefully you get idea of what I mean! (Also sorry for any grammar mistakes....I dropped out of English A level)

Those who come across this and don’t know me personally know that while this is a (mostly) serious (but hopefully uplifting) post I’m very sarcastic and use dumb humour to deflect from how shit life is at the moment! :-) 

So first thing of the bat I'll explain is I've realised in recent weeks it's been easier to think of it as good and bad days/weeks rather then getting better/worse (as in first 10 or so weeks when I thought of it as 'it's getting better' and got in that positive mindset, the kickbacks have obviously beaten the piss out of me mentally as well as physically, as I've had about four big relapses now where I thought I'm on the right track, having a good couple of weeks then bam, I seem to go back to square one for no real apparent reason. So when I say bad day I'm describing when everything amps/flares up again, A few more symptoms go up and the volumes up on high,and likewise a good day is when things seem to be moving in right direction again and I get a bit of a break.(So now I just appreciate them when they come and try make most out of them.) A good day isn’t a symptom free day by any means, it’s just better then the bad ones.

OK so on to my symptoms.

Specific Areas

Chest - Since the first evening it kicked of early March my chest has felt like a giant has had his hand around it - that’s non stop, constant (told you my explanations were weird.)

On the better days it's a very light grip I can get on and do things to a point, but I am always aware it's there. On a bad day it's grip tightens and he squeezes (or  his fingers press into a couple of key areas - been pressing on my back a lot last few weeks.) - That’s been non stop and has not gone away since beginning. Thou I do believe its starting to ease a little. 

- Chest pain - A shooting pain in my chest (slightly different from description above, feels more like its needles on inside of body. Thankfully these are uncommon, they pop up if I push myself a bit too far one day or if I’m having rougher week.(And it’s not heart related)

Lungs/Breathing - Haven't felt like I've taken in a full lungful of air since beginning, I take a deep breath but only feels like I'm taking in 80- 85% ish (on a good day) 65- 75% ish (on a bad day) - This is week 17 numbers btw,  take maybe 10-15% off when it was at worst. I think the best way I can describe it is it feels like there’s a filter or a sieve/strainer at top of lungs, on a good day there’s more spaces available to breathe thru (but still there’s a filter) and on a bad day more spaces close and I'm breathing thru less.

 *Thankfully bar the first week where I had to get paramedic out, I haven't been gasping for air, I've certainly had to just lay and just concentrate on only breathing a few times because the filters have closed up a lot more (in the night mostly) especially where my bodies relaxed and I've woken and panicked short of air. Yes that’s as terrifying as it sounds.

- The air I do take in doesn't feel clean or fresh (best way I can describe it is when you go to a zoo and they have a indoor Rain Forrest/safari area .... very that lol) That was constant the first 12 or so weeks (even when getting fresh air outside) thankfully that’s eased a little and not so prominent, still doesn't feel like I’m breathing in fresh air but its not so hot and stuffy and noticing the difference when I go outside now.

Throat/Mouth - Burning/inflamed mouth - This is by far been the most uncomfortable/hardest for me to ignore and just get on with day to day stuff, from maybe week 6 to week 14 it was pretty much non stop burning mouth and throat (Call my mum Khaleesi because I was spitting fire.)

 Whole inside of my mouth and down my throat was just inflamed/swollen (felt like I had a golf ball stuck down there) and burning hot. The last couple of weeks its eased I don’t wake up with it (unless i’m having a flare up/bad day) It's still very on/ off but thankfully not constant like it was. And have since learned that high histamine foods make it worse - same with my chest and few other things,  (so choc, dairy, alcohol, fizzy drinks ...my diet essentially ) So have cut most of them down/out. Ice lollies have been my savior on hot throat days. - Marble in throat - Another hard one to explain, it feels like there’s a marble sort of sized ball of phlegm that I constantly need to clear. (OK maybe not that hard to explain - also sorry for the gross imagery.) But not enough mucus coming up to warrant the feeling, it’s irritating more then anything - but a few weeks ago was probs golf ball sized, so again improvement! - This sort of ties in with with the inflamed mouth, but the first thing to flare up on bad day is my tongue, feels tingly most of the time anyway but more so on a flare up/bad day.  - Same with my teeth / gums and the tingly sensation, (my teeth constantly feel like that sensation when you have some orange juice after brushing your teeth.) Sensitive/fuzzy I guess. Not particularly bothersome or concerning...just weird.

Nose

- This is probably one of newest ones, nose has felt hot(on and off)/bunged up for last few weeks. (But I know its not if that makes sense)  I guess you could say same as lungs - not breathing in a full nose-full of air either.  - sorry again for gross TMI but any mucus or boogers are clear (like almost see thru clear/never been cleaner clear)  - Phantom smells - A really odd one, I smell smoke and gas a lot, not just smell it, it feels like its in my nose and my mouth - especially smoke, almost like I’ve eaten it sometimes (non smoker in smoke free flat btw). Was a lot more prominent in first few weeks ,so much so that before I realised it was a symptom I had my carbon monoxide alarms checked because it was making me paranoid I could smell smoke/gas. A bizarre one for sure. Pops up randomly now and again.

Eyes - Last couple of weeks have been getting bit of blurry vision and sore or dry eye , I'm already blind as shit so hard to tell in terms of blurriness how bad this one is, but def finding it harder to concentrate on one thing for too long (but that sort of ties in with brain fog - which i'll get to) but pretty sure once this is done with and I go to opticians will likely need a stronger prescription (some other long haulers who never had eye problems before are now having to wear glasses) No idea if that’s a permanent one but hopefully i’m at peak of it.

Ears - My left ear has felt blocked pretty much since start (or like it needs to pop some days) Most the time I can ignore it but can be quite distracting if it kicks up a couple of dials.Which is likely why I get ear ache in same ear often as well.

*Also for most the things listed above it has always been worse on my left side of body, lung, eyes, ear, headaches.

- Tinnitus (correct word for ringing in ears right?) Usually kicks in early afternoon or on bad day. Varies on strength depending on the day I’m having.

Head/Brain - Brain Fog - So the sort of very basic science behind this is because my lungs aren't producing enough oxygen my brain knows this, so is lending them some to help out...but because of this it means I’m experiencing what is known as brain fog (I don’t know what its actually called, likely has a better more official sounding name) - my concentration is very low, i’m finding it hard to retain things and concentrate more then usual. (not been up to reading or watching something new for month or so as I just cant focus on it) Also been getting odd words muddled or confused (but the bar wasn't the highest with me on that front ha ha)

 Been dropping things when I think I have them in my hand. I do however think this is improving (The fact that I have typed this out with just a couple short breaks so far is much better then two weeks ago when I couldn't even focus on a computer game for more then half a hour) so as my lungs improve so does this or vice versa on flare up. *Edit - This whole post has taken a couple of days to draft and type up, so not too bad in terms of needing breaks etc.

-I'm also constantly aware of my brain... like I can feel it all the time (I literally cant explain that any other way lol, I guess its just heavier at moment so I can feel it against my skull) best explanation I think you'll get from that one. - Have a headache most the time (so much so that I sort of forget it’s there.) Thankfully most the time there mild/low and I can forget or distract myself but like everything else if I'm having a bad few days it goes up a notch. Likely connected to the brain fog.

Stomach and Lower abdomen - Period pains - only way I can explain it, generally thought after nearly 10 years without them it was messing my body about so much I was getting  phantom periods. (I’m a transgender man, 4+ years on testosterone, for anyone I don’t know who comes across this) been there done that, brought the t-shirt.. then sent it back because it wasn’t for me!  Very strong and painful on and off for first eight weeks, get the odd twinge now and again but think that ones done with, thank the gods. - Stomach Pains - Few aches and pains on /off, and recently experienced what felt like needle/stabbing pain for short while in short bursts - and I only really mention stomach because I haven't had the widely publicised  'covid shits' (yet, touch wood... or cloth) So yay!

Heart - Palpitations - First 8 weeks was on and off most days to the point if I was sat still my heart would be palpitating. (I couldn't even sit and listen to music I enjoyed as it would make my heart go mad.) - When I do get the palpitations it sets most things off, so if palpitations do start I generally know I'm about to have rough couple of hours or days and can’t do much, for obvious safety reasons. Thankfully these have subsided a lot last 6 or so weeks. Still get them every few days but generally know whats setting me off and how to lower them down and they don’t last as long.

Hands and Feet - Skin been very dry last couple of months, cracking and peeling on hands and feet (ew)  - Pins and needles/ numb fingers and toes - Get this a lot, obviously very normal stuff but just find them coming on a lot more (especially if i’m holding something like my ipad, phone or xbox controller for a while) Fingers feel numb/puffy a lot too. (Likely also why I keep dropping things) - Also to tie in with skin, have had a on /off spots on chest, face and shoulders for few weeks, they all came up at same time, not irritant or itchy or anything, just there.

General/Other weird things - Voice - So this is one that frustrates me the most, I have had next to no voice for last maybe 10 weeks.  I just cant chat to people at moment. For first 4 weeks wasn't to bad (I even started a youtube channel to keep me occupied and distracted) but slowly week by week it went a little bit more each time. I can talk for short periods of time if I have to/choose to ,like its not gone completely, but it kicks up all the things I mentioned in my throat and mouth directly after. If the phone rings I have to decide if it’s worth answering, in doing so knowing i’m going to have a rough day or so after. Someday’s I feel it's better then others like couple of weeks ago, chatted to my brothers online on xbox for half an hour or so for the first time in weeks, and caught up with a friend on phone for 10 minutes...but a couple of days later everything flared up again. So it's still trial and error and just being patient with my voice. (I'm quite confident no long term damage is being done now as few people in group i’m in reported there voice just eventually got better over time.) Definitely the symptom I’m having to be most patient with. - Fatigue and tiredness - My days now are normally diddily done by 4-5, (except if its a bad day then most of the day is a write off) No matter how little or much I've done, by 5-6 my body and mind are exhausted. As someone who has insomnia, pre covid I would maybe have 1-2 all nighters every ten or so days sprinkled in with 5-6 days of at most 3-4 hours sleep. In the last 17 weeks I have had just 3 all nighters, and maybe just under ten 3-4 hour sleeps. Otherwise i’m getting at least 5+ hours a night. This is the one covid thing I'd like to keep please lol.  I think it's easing a little (most the bad night sleeps have been in last month) and on good days tiredness is kicking in a little later, or it's taking me a little longer to drift off. But generally am cream crackerd a lot of time, especially if I push myself too far on a bad day. - Loss/Increased appetite - This sort of ties in with what I mentioned earlier about different foods causing set backs, the first 6 weeks I had no appetite and lost a bit of weight (I do put a lot of this down to extreme worry and stress thou)  Then I went thru a phase of being very hungry for a few weeks and put most of the weight I had lost back on. I'm somewhere in the middle now, probably because I know most of anything I eat will set me back a little (because as mentioned fussy git = high histamine diet) so i’m cutting portions (otherwise known as the amount of cheese I add to everything!) and cutting out all most junk food (you’ll never part me from my crisps!) and non healthy drinks.  

- Bloated and dehydration - This one I sort of put in pencil because it could be covid related but I also think it could be side effects  from the brown asthma inhaler I was prescribed to help with breathing. I’m still undecided as it pops up especially when I was using inhaler more but it does happen days after I’ve last used it. At it’s worse I was getting up to pee a lot! because I was thirsty all the time. So of course was just very bloated around the belly. 

*Also talking of peeing, (Great segway Ben) number 1′s and 2′s have been very different then normal, urine thicker and bubbly,and smells/is coloured different,   (same with 2′s) Also have a completely different body odour at the moment,(pungent) having to use deodorant twice as much as normal. - Admit it your life’s a little bit better now you know that information.

- THE HEAT! - I touched on this with my mouth and nose being on fire, but for the first 10-12 weeks I did not go a day where at least a couple of things were not burning hot ,like hot to the touch as well, not just inside...(very different experience then having a temperature). Extreme heat in one very specific part of body. Ears, forehead, cheeks, chest, back, nose, mouth,throat to name a few of prominent ones. Over time they have faded (if something does feel hot now its generally not hot to the touch anymore.) Maybe on a bad day a couple of things will burn up. (But in saying that, been calling today a good day but nose is quite hot) but point is its better. - Mood swings/Anxiety - While i’m fairly confident anything emotional has stemmed from experiencing...well everything you've just read. Rather then it being its own symptom (thou I have had days of uncontrollable crying, days of anger..that perhaps outside of covid I would still of had one of those days but just not to such a extreme, I think with everything going on its just amped that emotion and anxiety up.)  it's obviously been very stressful and anxiety inducing. That’s only calmed down in last week since finding the facebook group of other people going thru the same thing. I'm now seeing that people are slowly improving, i'm seeing I've not been going mad and it's all very real and not just happening to me. So the bad days are easier to deal with now and not hitting me emotionally like a ton of bricks anymore. I honestly couldn't see the end of the tunnel two weeks ago but can see it now (even if I take a step forward one day but then 2-3 back another...I see it still.)

*Mushy moment Alert - A good a place as any to include while I'm talking about emotion  - Even thou she probs wont see this,but want to mention my mum. She’s been my rock thru all this, she messages me at least twice everyday without fail, since day 1. Even thou I know she's been worried sick about me herself, she's reassured and calmed me down on the harder more stressful days. I dread the mornings when things have gone downhill a bit and having to tell her ,because I know she'll worry, but after a few texts we both end up sort of reassuring and calming the other down. (especially in the earlier days when it was really bad, scary, new and unknown.) When it was really getting me down for a while and I wanted nothing to do with anything covid related and just stay in bed and pretend this wasn't happening to me, she dug out the articles and tips and things to help or give me a boost. (Not to mention all the coming and going she and my step dad have done for me last 4 months and taking care of my shopping for first 9 or so weeks...because I was a useless mess of a human)       I know it’s basic mum stuff but this would be 10x harder and lonelier without her. Random detour I know but can’t talk about my covid experience and recovery without mentioning her.

Almost looking forward to sending her the first  'Everything normal today' text as much as I look forward to experiencing it....almost. ;-)  

Amount of Symptoms On A Typical Day

On a good day - (when I think virus was at it's worse in the first 10-14 weeks) - 4-6 symptoms ( 2 or 3 cranked up to a medium or high otherwise on mild)

On a bad day - At peak/worse - 6-10 symptoms (throat, chest and no voice on high volume, maybe a couple of things like palpitations and brain fog, heat on medium/high, other weird stuff on mild/low)

Good day  - Now 17 weeks in (excluding my voice which is still a medium to high issue most days) - 3-4 Symptoms on low to mild - usually there’s something still simmering on a medium always ready to turn up to a high if I push it too much in terms of walking or talking. (often my chest) Bad Day (Now) - 4-7 Symptoms - 1 to 3 on medium (maybe a couple will kick up to high on first day of a flare up, but generally now for shorter periods of time.)Everything else on mild or low.

So there has def been improvement in last 6 weeks, i’m sure it wont all be plain sailing and I know/prepare to expect another 'flare up' and then a bad few days. But recently instead of the bad days being 2-3 weeks of it constantly, the duration is getting shorter each time (last bad few days was just under a week)  So things are slowly improving, and i’m sure in time so will the amount of symptoms and the strength of each symptom.

I've probably missed a couple of silly/odd little things that have gone on (likely because they were so early on or very brief (or I’ve forgotten) -  fever and nausea to name a couple. When I got my notes together these were the main ones that came to mind. Quite a lot actually sitting back reading them, and I think the scary (but good) thing is, x-ray came back fine, bloods came back fine.  People have had MRI's, camera’s down there throat, most coming back fine. Covid just not showing up on any tests(unless someones suffered further complications with something) - hence why a lot of people struggling to be taken seriously by there GP's or even loved ones who think there just 'exaggerating’ or its just ‘anxiety and stress'...no living with all what you just read causes anxiety and stress Mary! 

But yeah could waffle on, once its definitely gone and I breathe and look back I can perhaps get a better overview of everything and give you better analysis of all that’s gone on. I get asked 'so when do you think it will be gone?' almost as much as 'are you better now?' To the first question, meh I don't know, I'm now into month 4/week 17 (well month 5 if I include last couple of days of Feb when I believe I caught it and had the very mild cold early March) still a lot of things going on with my body, some new things could still pop up, so instead of saying 'I think it will be gone by..'  ,like I did in the first weeks. I'm just taking it week by week (or day by day if it kicks up a notch) not making any big demands of myself or my body, doing what I can each day....but not pushing it. Instead of the sad, anxiety inducing thought 'when will it go' or the one all us long haulers worry about a lot ‘Will it ever go?’ I now try to think instead  'it will go!.'

To any fellow long haulers I say hang in there, keep fighting, trust your body and that it will get better. Take it day by day. Stay as positive as you can when everything 'flares up again' after a couple of weeks of good progress (easier said then done I know) but know it wont be forever as much as it feels like it is. Don’t be afraid to ask for help (I hate going to Drs would much rather just 'get on with it' , but from pestering a little I got a blue inhaler which has helped me a lot day to day,and had x-ray and blood tests which also put my mind at ease when they came back clear. So don’t be afraid to ask to get these things checked if you’re worried. I've been lucky with my GP's thou who I think have generally believed me and taken me seriously and I know not everyone is getting that help or respect. I think it’s really not helped us that in the early days people were stubbing their toes and thinking they had caught covid and calling their Dr’s (I’m exaggerating but hopefully you get my point lol), so if you do get a not so helpful interaction, be patient,explain yourself or try again with another Dr, remember a GP will only advise you symptom by symptom and not as a whole.   Anyway I’m repeating stuff you already know by now lol.   

Stay positive. Stay hopeful and stay safe.

To anyone else, believe us, know this is very real, and that it absolutely sucks. Its not just anxiety or in our head. We're not exaggerating - in fact most of us are probably playing it down or just not elaborating on things for an easy life and because when someone asks 'are you better now?'  it's easier to just smile and nod and answer 'getting there slowly' because the truth is...well what you just read lol. (And I'm a particularly mild case...next to no coughing, no spells in A and E, a breeze for a lot of other people with long term) Keep yourselves safe (most long haulers have no previous medical /problems/conditions. Some ,myself included, have weakened immune systems due to a long term health condition. A unlucky few are fighting another long term medical illness as well as covid. I'm lucky in that I have no dependants (except 4 easy to please gecko's) and was not working prior to catching it - some are having to deal with all this and be full time parents, or have been to and fro with their jobs (thinking there better then relapsing after going back). There’s mums messaging on behalf of there young kids who have it, lots of young people (one of the lads that co runs the group is 22 I believe), there's athletes/health fanatics used to running miles every day been completely knocked of there game unable to even walk to end of road some days. People of all age ranges. Point is anyone can catch it, it might not just be 'a couple of rough weeks' It might take over half a year for you to recover from.  This myth that it's short and sweet, or a walk in the park if your young and healthy needs to be squashed because its just not accurate. 

If not for my mum and our family and the facebook group I found, (Positive path of wellness - Covid UK Long Haulers) I'd be struggling, really struggling. It's scary, brutal and lonely. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The virus is still out there it has not gone. Keep sanitising hands and wear a mask in busy places!. - Tell the guy who's life this has been for 17 weeks, why wearing a mask in public places, to keep yourself and others safe from catching this nightmare, is a inconvenience for you Karen...go on, I'll wait...

Maybe you can help prevent yours or someone else's next few months from being even worse. x

Was going to just make this a one time post on tumblr account but if it’s a help to anyone (especially fellow long haulers) I’ll post some other bits and bobs when i’m up to it. (thinking of doing a post about things/products etc that I think have been helping me. If that’s useful to anyone) Or just some positive/ funny things to keep spirits up. Keeping it all positive and upbeat as possible.

So I’ll see if anyone reads this first and go from there

So I guess in conclusion ...lol I’m just joking, this post is really done now, go back to your lives, this garbled mess of self woe (worlds smallest violin is back in its case now), sarcasm and naff humour has taken up far too much of all of our days already. Go peacefully amongst the things. :-) 

Stay safe everyone x

[robbiekaysfavoritelostgirl]

A Walker Christmas

Prompt: When Y/n offhandedly declares she wants another Christmas, Daryl gathers everyone up to give her one she will never forget.  

"Do you know what I miss most from before?" Y/n hummed, her breath tickling Daryl's chest as she snuggled closer.

"What's that?" He asked, rubbing his hand up and down arm. She hummed, nuzzling into his heck so she could place a kiss to his Adam's apple before actually answering

"Christmas. I don’t mean the presents, 8 mean I miss the magic of it all. The Christmas decorations, people coming together to help one another. The awe of the kids faces when they see the shops all done up and colorful. Oh man I miss the baking top. You know me and mama would spend hours in the kitchen? The last year before it all went to hell in a handbasket we made dozens of sugar cookies. I remember daddy kept sneaking into the kitchen to try and steal em. Always a different way and just so he could see mama smile when finally noticed his slithering on the floor like a snake." She smiled faintly at the memory, though it was still tinged with grief.

   Her parents had died close to the beginning, both if them taken down by walkers as they tried to protect their daughter. He had saw it all go down and had tried hard to help but got there just in time to save her. The three of them had been overtaken by walkers and were running to a car. Her father had sent them ahead, ready to take a dozen walkers with just a handgun so his women could make it to the car. They almost did too, if it wasn’t the walker hiding in the car. Her mother spotted it before she did and let out a screech that still haunted Daryl to this day, before body checking her daughter out of harms way and into Daryl’s arms. Had the woman had just waited he could have saved them both but was instead forced to drop his knife so as to not stop the girl. Y/n’s heart wrenching cries of “mama” still kept him up at night but nearly as much as when he had to put her father down. Her sobs of “daddy” as she clutched the dead corpse still broke his heart.

   “Do you think we will ever have a Christmas again?” She asked, pulling him back for memories of the dead. Needing to shake himself fully out of it, he lifted her head to press a quick kiss to her lips, sighing at the feel of the against his own.

  “I don’t know doll.” He answered, not at all sure why he had suddenly felt the need to use a pet name, he rarely did. Still, the answering smile that accompanied made it worth it.

  “Oh I do hope so.” She sighed, nuzzling her nose against his neck before letting out the soft sigh that told him she was about to fall asleep. “I would do anything to have one, for Judith and Hershel I mean.” As she fell asleep, smiling softly that the memories that were playing in her head, Daryl found himself trying to find a way to make her wish come true.

~~~~~~~~~~

     “This is just the thing to bring all the communities together.” Michonne announced, grinning widely at him. “Not to mention it will be the perfect way to help honour Carl’s wishes. He wanted things to go back to normal.”

  “What about those that didn’t celebrate Christmas?” Rick asked, though even he looked excited at the prospect of another Christmas.

   “We can change it up a little, add a bit of every culture to it. It’s not going to be on Christmas anyway, we all lost track of what day it was ages ago, so why not reinvent a little, we have been doing that with everything else.” Ezekiel suggested, this getting a round of nods from everyone in the room.

   “Ezekiel is right.” Carol said, smiling widely at the room full of people. “We can gather everyone around, ask em what they celebrated before and what aspects they want to continue and those they don’t. Make it something for everyone.”

   “When should we have it?” Rick asked.

   “As soon as we have everything ready for it. No sense in putting a time limit on it since we don’t how it’s going to look. I say we gather everyone, except Y/n since this is her gift from Daryl, later this afternoon and start planning. Get everyone’s input and what not. When we have all that figured out, we will set a date.”

    “I’ll take her out scavenging and come back later this afternoon, should give you guys time to figure it out.

~~~~~~~~~~

    In the end it took two months to set up, as everyone who was approached about the topic was excited and wanted to contribute in someway. They were also as determined as Daryl to keep it hidden from Y/n, which meant that everything that was made and found (there was a good bit of Christmas stuff hidden away ii basements and attics) were stored and put out carefully. Only those who Y/n didn’t visit often, was fully decorated before the big day, on the inside at least. While he never saw it, he was told afterwards that the night before Christmas people spent the hours outside putting up the decorations they had made or found. Maggie, had it worse though, having to decorate both the inside and outside as Y/n had spent the day there. Not, as Daryl was made to understand, that Maggie minded in the least. As Y/n’s best friend there was little to nothing she wouldn’t do for her.

  While all this was going on, Daryl was making on last surprise for the woman he had come to adore. While he couldn’t bring them back, he could at least make sure that she had her parents with her for Christmas. Which is why he and Jesus found themselves standing outside Y/n childhood home, which like every other was ransacked in search for weapons, clothes or anything else that could be useful. The two weren’t looking for anything useful, at least not to anyone else.

   “I found it!” Jesus called out, his voice muffled from the being being up in the attic. Daryl let out a quick sigh of relief before closing the door to what could only be Y/n child room, which was now looked as if a tornado had been thru it.

  “Can ya bring it down? If we can bring the whole thing with us that would be even better!” He answered, walking over to the base of the stairs, only to find that Jesus was pushing a large very heavy looking, oak trunk towards him.

   “One step ahead of you.” The other man chuckled, pushing it until the end was hanging over the opening. Scrambling up, Daryl grabbed the handle of the trunk and began to pull, the two of them working quickly and silently to get the thing down the stairs. Once out of the attic, they took a moment to catch their breaths and then picked it up once more, and heading down to the main floor of the house, where they were surprised to see Carol and Ezekiel waiting for them.

  “Rick told us what you had planned so we followed you here to give you a hand and good thing we did.” Carol explained, eyeing that trunk that the men held between them. “What is it?”

   Without saying anything, Jesus and Daryl put it on the ground and opened it up. Carol took a look in it first, her gaze flickering between him and the trunk. In all honesty Daryl was expecting her to say something, but instead she only smiled widely at him.

   “This is the best thing you could give her.”

   “Naw,” Daryl sighed, looking around the place where she grew up. “The best thing I could give her is this but unless we find a way to secure the neighbourhood I never could.”

   “Never say never my dead friend!” Ezekiel exclaimed, reaching out to clasp Daryl firmly on the shoulder. “You know not what tomorrow may bring!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    “Hey, wake up.” Daryl whispered, shaking my shoulder gently in an attempt to bring me around. I grumbled, blinking away the sleep before fixing my gaze on him, a sleepy smile spreading across my face as I did.

   “Morning.” I hummed, stifling a yawn as I stretched.

   “Morning, come down stairs with me for a second, I have got something I want to show ya.” I nodded, humming softly as I quickly threw back the covers and slid out of bed. As usual, since we had no heat now, the wooden floors were a bit chilly but I hardly paid it any attention. Now that I was a little more awake, I could see that Daryl was excited, practically vibrating with it.

   “What is it?” I asked, letting my head fall to the side when he just shook his head, a grin spreading across his face. Instead of answering he tugged me outside, his smile growing bigger as I looked around the hallway. Sometime during the night he had decorated it, a mix of handmade and scavenged christmas decorations hanging from the ceiling and walls.A tiny little fake tree, stood on the table I had placed by the bathroom, fake little lights strung around it. It looked so much like the one my mama always to place in the center of the diner table, that I had tears in my eyes.  A strand of twisted homemade garland, made out of pine branches, ran down the railing of the stairs.

  “Oh Daryl!” I cried, turning around and throwing myself at him. “It’s wonderful!”

  “It’s not all. Go down stairs.” I nodded, practically running down the steps, cries of delight leaving me as I noticed the rest of the house was decorated too. As I turned the corner to the living room, I froze in place, a wide smile stapled on my face.

  “Merry Christmas!” Rick, Michonne, Carol, Ezekiel and Judith cried, all of them standing in front of the biggest tree I had ever seen. I had let out a cry and rushed forward, embracing them all before turning to smile widely at Daryl.

  “Maggie..” He began, frowning as I waved my hand to quite him.

   “Don’t you apologize, Maggie’s got every right to not want to be here, since we are holding Negan and she not being aloud to avenge Glenn and all. Though I do keep telling her that it’s not what Glenn would have wanted, her hanging out to that hate.” I explained, smiling at him as I move forward to wrap my arms around his neck. “Now should it have been you that Negan killed, well I would be in the same boat. But enough about Negan, this. Oh Daryl, this is the best thing in the world. You got me Christmas.”

  “That’s not all. Jesus and I went and got you this.” He smiled as he pulled away from me and turning me around. I frowned, confused at to what I missed but noticed that our friends had moved and in doing so revealed a large oak trunk that I knew by heart.

  “Granddad’s trunk! Oh mama kept all the family stuff in it.” I cried, rushing forward and dropped to my knees in front of it. “I do hope it’s all still in there. Daddy was so sure no one would find the attic but mama was so afraid, leaving it all behind.” As I rambled, I thru the lid open, letting out a cry of pure joy when I noticed that everything was still inside. Inside, packed to the brim, was all our family’s most valuable things, at least to us. There was mama’s wedding dress, a picture of her and daddy on their wedding. Granddad’s and nana’s wedding bands, the medals granddaddy won in the second world war and at the bottom, tucked away out of sight, was all the mama’s jewelry box.

  “What are those?” Judith asked, kneeling down beside me and picking up one of the old medals. I smiled, pushing mama’s box aside and turned my attentioned to her.

  “Why my granddaddy won them in the war. I can’t remember but they all are for but that one is called the medal of honor. He got this after he went into enemy territory, brought down a german commander and in the process saved 10 men from being killed.”

 “Your granddaddy sounds like he was cool!” Judith exclaimed, gazing down at the medal in her hand with wide eyes.

  “That he was.” I sighed, thinking back on the memories I had with my grandfather.  

  “Do you have other stories about him?” Judith asked, smiling when I nodded.

  “Why he told me a lot of stories from his time in the war, why don’t we all sit down and I’ll tell em to ya.”

  “Can you start with the one on how he won the medal of honor?” Ezekiel asked, smiling widely down at me.”I feel like that would be a very courageous tale indeed.”

  “Oh that it was, take a seat and I’ll tell ya all about it. I’ll start with explaining just what the war was about, for Judith’s sake. It was always how my granddaddy started it. Said it was important to never forget the evil that was done.” As I started the story, watching as my family gathered around, I couldn’t help but remember the many Christmas’s I spent sitting in front of my granddaddy, listening as he told me the same story. For the first time since the walkers came, it really did feel like Christmas.

[1dfangirls35]

Voir Dire- N.H

A fake dating AU about contracts, soulmates and risking it all for love.

Masterlist // Tell Me What You Think!

A/N: I’m back!! The past month and a half has been craziness! My ER rotation had me working ALL THE TIME. But now thanks to coronavirus, my rotations have been cancelled at least for the next three weeks (maybe longer) and now we get the stress of wondering if we will get to graduate in December. So for the next few weeks I’ll be listening to Heartbreak Weather on repeat and (hopefully) updating Voir Dire!

sixteen

Kelsey checked the time. Again. The numbers glared at her from the brightness of her phone screen. 

3:01pm

The results were supposed to be sent out at 3.

Did she not get registered? Had they lost her test? Had she given them the wrong email? Kelsey's mind was racing through a million reasons as to why her LSAT score wasn't coming through her inbox at this precise moment.

Two weeks ago, Kelsey had sat in front of a computer with a hope of redeeming herself. Unlike the first time she'd taken the LSAT, this time she had been calm and collected. She had started the morning off with breakfast in bed and a large cup of coffee courtesy of Chef Niall, himself. He'd walked her to the door as she left his house, holding her in his arms and whispering in her ear "You've got this". And that morning she did. She felt like she had it.

But as another minute ticked by on the clock, she began to doubt that she'd "got this" all over again.

Kelsey refreshed the page again. Still nothing.

"Refreshing that page fifty million times isn't going to make it load any faster darling," Niall said sternly, placing his head into Kelsey's shoulder a little further. Kelsey had told Niall several times that there was no need for him to be with her when the results came in. She could handle the relief or disappointment all on her own. But then he reminded her that she'd been with him on his big night, the least he could do was return the favor, and he "didn't even have to change out of the sweats" for it. And she had to admit, leaning against Niall's chest as she refreshed the page for the tenth time was kind of nice.

"They should be up by now, it's..." Kelsey watched her screen refresh once more, this time a new email popping up. "Oh my god it's here." She felt her heart begin to race, and shoved the phone into Niall's hands. "Open it."

"It's your score, you should open it," Niall argued back, trying to push the phone back into Kelsey's grasp.

She shook her head adamantly. "I can't do it Ni, please." Niall looked at Kelsey's pleading eyes, they are filled with a fear he hasn't seen across them in a while.

He knew she was nervous. She'd worked so hard for this over the past year. He had tried his best this morning to rehearse what he was going to say if it all went south. He hoped it wouldn't. And as stood in front of his mirror, coming up with all the wonderful things that he hoped would make Kelsey realize she was so much more than a test score, he realized how silly it all was. Because she was going to pass. There wasn't a doubt in his mind.

He sighed. "Fine." He clicked open the message, taking his own deep breath before reading.

Kelsey tried to read Niall's eyes as he opens the email. But he kept his poker face strong, which only antagonized her more. "Well?" she asked.

Niall raised an eyebrow with a smirk as he watched Kelsey squirm in her seat on the couch. "172, that's great Kels!"

"172," Kelsey repeated slowly, hardly believing her ears. "Are you sure you read that right? It's not like a 127 or something?"

"Kels," Niall said, bringing the phone in front of Kelsey's face. "It's a 172. You killed it."

Kelsey read the numbers for herself, seeing that Niall was indeed correct. "I'm going to law school," Kelsey breathed.

"You're going to law school Kels. I never doubted it for a minute." He planted a kiss on her forehead, wrapping his arms around her in an almost smuggling embrace.

"I did it. I DID IT," the volume of Kelsey's voice raises with each word she said. She stood up from her place on the couch, pacing circles in the living room. She didn't know what to feel. Relief? Excitement? Pride? A mixture of the three?

Kelsey knew it might seem premature, celebrating a test score when the actual admission was yet to come, but she also couldn't help but feel like she'd overcome the biggest barrier. A barrier that had plagued her for over a year, reminding her of all the things she'd been through and just how fragile her life had been. She had doubted herself so much over the past year, her self-confidence had vanished, and this- this score, was proving to her that she wasn't a failure. Her life wasn't a complete mess. And maybe she was coming out of a valley. Maybe she could be at a peak for a while.

"We've got to celebrate," Niall exclaimed, breaking Kelsey away  from her thoughts.

"I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge I've been saving. And I guess Becca has a bag of peanut M &Ms..."

Niall stood up next to Kelsey, placing a finger to her lips before she can even finish her sentence. "Forget the wine and the M&Ms darlin', what's the one thing you want to reward yourself with at the moment?"

"Honestly I could go for some chocolate ice cream. I can text Becca and have her pick some up on her way home..."

"Well let's go get ice cream then," Niall stated. 

Kelsey looked at Niall cautiously, because she couldn't have possibly heard him correctly. "Go get it? Niall you know we can't be seen."

"We can drive through and pick it up can't we? Or I can get out of the car?"

Kelsey gave Niall a questioning look, still unsure of this suggestion. Of all the things to go out in public to do, this seemed like the least important thing on the list. But Niall is unwavering, pulling out his keys from his pocket and dangling them in his hands like a treat. 

"This is a special occasion Kelsey. I don't care what you say we are going to get that ice cream. Twenty minutes there and back. No one will be the wiser."

Kelsey sighed, knowing that this was one thing that Niall wasn't going to change his mind about. She reached out and grabbed his hand, following him to the door. She locked the apartment behind them, as Niall headed down the elevator to grab the car. 

Kelsey couldn't tell if she was high on excitement because of her LSAT or because she was riding in the passenger seat of Niall's car for the first time since they had "broke up" in the eyes of the label. No longer hidden behind the blacked out rear windows of a sleek black escalade, Kelsey felt on top of the world. Nothing could be better than her hand intertwined with Niall's as the LA sunshine warmed them through the windows and Niall's album played softly in the background. 

Kelsey began to wonder what she had worried about when they pulled up to the ice cream drive-thru. There are no other cars in sight, and no one paid a second glance to the messy haired brunette with the thick sunglasses pulling up to the window. Niall ordered a hot fudge sundae with extra fudge, Kelsey a chocolate malt with Reese's. 

"Mmmm," Kelsey said taking a bite out of her treat. "This was a good choice."

"Told you to just trust me," Niall smiled, setting his cup in the center console as they pulled away. 

"I'm so proud of you," Niall said, gazing at Kelsey in a way that made her heart flutter. 

Kelsey smiled. She was pretty damn proud of herself too. 

************************************************

The second Kelsey saw the email from Mr. Alan Michaels she knew they were in trouble. There was no subject, but somehow without even opening it, Kelsey knew exactly what it was going to contain.

The contents were simple.

Miss Benton,

If you know what's good for him, you'll meet with me tomorrow at 10 am sharp. I trust you''ll keep this meeting to yourself. I would hate for another party to become involved and complicate our resolution.

Sincerely,

Alan Michaels 

There was one attachment. But Kelsey didn't need to click the image to know what they'd been caught doing. Suddenly, she wished she hadn't been craving ice cream yesterday after all.

"What's wrong love?" Niall asked, as Kelsey quickly exited out of the message. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Nothing," Kelsey said, trying her best to form a fake smile and grabbing his hand again. "Now tell me more about this set design."

Niall began rambling on. About lights, guitars, set lists and which songs he was most excited to play live. But all Kelsey could think about was the email sitting in her inbox. 

Her mind began to race with all the things that this could mean. What exactly could his label do? Niall had warned her once before that the music industry could be a brutal environment. She knew that there were consequences to every action, consequences that could ruin careers if certain rules or agreements weren't followed. 

Kelsey wanted to believe that she wasn't scared of these people. She wasn't in a contract with them, and therefore, she had no obligation to even entertain the idea of meeting with them. She owed them nothing. And she certainly did have to play by their rules. 

She thought about showing the message to Niall. But each time she went to bring it up, something stopped her. She knew what that something was.

Niall would take the fall. He would risk the loss of his music, his tour, his livelihood, all for Kelsey. Kelsey knew it. But she wasn't going to allow that to happen. She wouldn't allow him to sacrifice what he had worked so hard on, the career that he so loved- for her. 

"Kels," Niall nudged her his elbow at Kelsey, whose gaze was fixated on the corner of the room. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," Kelsey replied quickly, snapping her gaze back to Niall and shooting him a smile. "Just tired." She rested her head on Niall's shoulder. 

"You sure you're okay?" Niall asked again. Kelsey had been acting off over the past few hours, and he couldn't figure out why. She wasn't the best at hiding her racing thoughts. 

Kelsey turned, placing her hands on either side of Niall's cheeks and staring into his icy blue eyes. "Niall, I'm great. I've got the LSAT score of my dreams and an incredible man who I love more than anything and who loves me. What more could I need?"

"I love you," Niall replied, planting a kiss on Kelsey's lips.

"It's just been a long week for me. A good week but a long one," Kelsey mused as she snuggled deep into Niall's arms. She inhaled deeply, basking in musky, cool scent of Niall's cologne. She didn't want to think about what their relationship might look like if she attended the meeting tomorrow. Or what it might look like if she didn't. 

When Kelsey got back to her apartment later that evening, she poured herself the biggest glass of wine she could find. Kelsey knew Niall had found it odd that she was leaving his house so early in the evening, but she brushed it off as needing some rest. She couldn't bear to tell him the truth: that every minute she sat in his apartment her anxiety about just what would happen at the meeting tomorrow was growing exponentially. 

Kelsey tipped back her glass of Moscato, gulping it down like a housewife at a dinner party gone awry. Becca walks into the kitchen at that precise moment, giving Kelsey a side-eyed smile. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kelsey answered quickly. The word was slipping off her tongue easier the more times she said it. 

The email had been explicit: no outside parties. Plus Kelsey already knew what Becca would say. Becca ask why Niall was even considering negotiating with the label when he had the power of his fanbase and the media to shift the story. A story of forbidden love? According to Becca, people eat that shit up. 

"Hmm let's see," Becca scratched her forehead, leaning over the kitchen countertop. "You're back from Niall's before 10pm, you are chugging a glass of wine like its a magic elixir, and you keep glancing at your phone like its going to jump out at you. There's a lot more than nothing going on, so pour me a glass and spill."

Kelsey sighed, grabbing another glass from the cupboard and pouring Becca a glass and herself a refill. She clicked open her phone to the email and slid it across the counter to Becca, watching as Becca's face turns from a sly grin to a face of concern.

"Well for starters, Niall needs a new agent," Becca said, clearly trying to lighten the mood. "But this is messed up Kels. Seems like more of a threat than a suggestion."

"More like blackmail," Kelsey replies with a roll of her eyes. She makes her way into the living room, sliding down onto the couch before taking another lengthy sip of her wine. 

"What did Niall say about this?"

Kelsey stayed quiet.

"Kelsey..." Becca stared her down. "You didn't mention this to him?"

"The message didn't exactly sound like they wanted him to know about it."

"And so you thought he didn't need to know that his label is basically blackmailing you to break up with him?" Becca responded. 

"Niall," Kelsey began, taking a deep breath. "Niall thinks with his heart. I didn't want to tell him and have him make a rash decision based on what he was feeling. Especially with something like his career."

"But you don't even know what they want Kels," Becca argued. 

"I'm pretty sure what they want is for me to not see Niall anymore. They made that very clear the first time we met with them." Kelsey's mind flashed back to the last time she visited the Capitol Records office. It wasn't a memory she looked back upon fondly. Her heart raced just thinking about being in that situation again.

"Are you going to meet with them this time?" Becca asked.

"I think that whatever they tell me at that meeting has to be a far better alternative than if I ignore the meeting in the first place."

"What's the worst thing they can do to you Kels? Being in love with their musician isn't illegal," Becca reassured. "Besides, Niall already released his music. He's a former member of One Direction, no one's gonna pass up on the opportunity to sign that moneymaker to their label."

Becca had a point. The worst Capitol Records could do to Kelsey was a slap on the wrist and a warning that she shouldn't see Niall again. A lot of bad things could happen to Niall because of this, a cancelled tour, a loss of his contract...but maybe none of that was career-altering. For a moment, Kelsey thought that she's made up her mind. That maybe going to this meeting was doing exactly what Capitol wanted her to do. They wanted her to be scared into being their pawn.

But then Kelsey remembered what Niall told her back in the beginning. About the music industry be far more connected than you would think. About being blacklisted from every record label in the country. She thought about Niall sitting on his couch strumming his guitar to a melody that had just surfaced in his mind. Or the way his blue eyes glowed when he told her about the feeling he got hearing an amphitheater full of people singing the words he wrote back to him. 

Becca could tell Kelsey was still deep in thought, and so she stood, walking to the kitchen and placing her now empty glass in the sink. "Whatever you decide Kels, I'm here, okay." Becca walked towards her room. As she reached the doorway, she turned around, meeting eyes with Kelsey again. "Besides now they have to come after both of us."

Becca's comment turned Kelsey's lips into a small smile, even if just for a moment. Kelsey made her way to her bedroom, sliding under the grey comforter and burying her head into her pillow. Her mind racing with a million thoughts.

She loved Niall. More than she had ever loved anyone before. The selfish thing would be to not go to the meeting. To be defiant and keep Niall to herself. But the world needed Niall Horan and his music. And Niall Horan needed his music more than he would ever need Kelsey, even if he didn't know it. 

So she would go to the meeting. And she would listen to the terms. And if it came down to dating Niall and his music career, well, she would pick his career. Because he wasn't going to pick it for himself.

As she lay in bed, her phone buzzed with another notification: an email. 

Tomorrow. 10 am sharp.

Tag List: @awomanindeniall​ @ihearthemcallingforyou @niall-is-my-dream​ @stylishmuser​ @thicksniall

[parkersharthook]

Could I request some Hevie? Would it be possible to ask for Harriet and CJ to interrogate their brother’s new girlfriend? I love when writers explore Harry’s family relationships and meet the girlfriend/boyfriend scene can be really fun! Have a great day!😋🙂

MEETING THE FAMILY

(Harry Hook x Evie Grimhilde)

Warnings: this got away from me lol, not much some tension

3k+ words

A/n: thank you so much for the request!! sorry Evie and harry aren’t newly dating also I used a Scottish translator, but I tried to make sure it was still understandable lol

“Evie, you’ve been fixing your makeup for forty-five minutes. You look great and it’s gonna be fine.”

Evie huffed leaning closer towards to the mirror, swiping at the top of her lip with a sharpened nail. She eyed the blue haired girl relaxed on her bed through her vanity.

“that’s easy for you to say, you grew up with them.”

“and she’s not Harry’s girlfriend.” Mal pointed out casually as she typed something on her laptop. Evie pursed her lips and glared at her best friend.

“okay so that’s an example of what not to say to help me.” Uma sniggered at Evie’s anxiety-filled response. “plus, I haven’t seen them since the isle.”

“They’ve been here for a year and you still haven’t talked to them?” Mal asked with a raised brow

“No! Me and harry were only sneaking around on the isle so I never met them, and we only started dating again 6 months ago, 3 of which were the summer.”

“They ur gonnae loove ye princess.” Harry smiled as he walked out of the on-suite bathroom, pressing a chaste kiss to her cheek.

Evie quickly shooed him away, “I did not spend over an hour on my makeup for you to kiss it away pirate.”

Harry let out a deep chuckle as his phone binged. He pulled it out and smiled at his girlfriend, “They’re haur.”

Evie let out a shaky breath and stood up, wiping her sweaty palms on her skinny jeans. She wasn’t entirely happy with her look but both Uma and mal suggested something casual. Evie had originally protested, wanting to wear one of her signature blue skirts but harry just politely agreed with the other girls and suggested she stay casual, knowing that his sisters may see her as a “princess”. And though Harry loves her for everything she is and doesn’t want her to change, he also really wants his sisters to like Evie. So that means she’s wearing dark blue high waisted jeans, a red velvet crop top, and industrial black boot heels.

She let out another shaky breath, checking herself out in her full-length yet another time. Harry sighed with a fond smile and gently pushed Evie towards the door, grinning at her nervous mumbling. He led her out the door, offering a small wave to his former captain and the purple-haired queen to be. Evie chewed on her bottom lip nervously as they walked down the castle corridor and towards the grand staircase. Evie took small nervous steps as they descended the staircase, knowing that she would be face to face with Harry’s sister the minute they walked out the door.

Evie’s breath picked up as she made out to girls sitting on some stonework right outside the door. Her pulse picked up and her eyes widened as she spun on her heel to head right back to her room. Harry stopped her with his body, placing gentle hands on her arms.

She looked up at him with a down right scared look in her eyes, “Harry I can’t do this.”

“princess, aye ye can. Ah promise ye ‘at they will loove ye.”

“No harry… I can’t. this isn’t like making amends with Gil and Uma. Uma only hated me by association, so that wasn’t my problem and Gil can’t hate a single soul. They were easy, they were a part of my life for so long and I had classes with them and I got to know them. It’s not like that with your sisters. This is your blood, your family. I know that their opinions mean everything to you.” She let out a shaky breath, “This can’t be the reason we break up.”

Harry sighed slightly, his hands rubbing up and down her arms ever so slightly. “Aye princess they ur mah faimly, but sae ur ye. Sae is Gil an’ Uma an’ e’en Jay, Carlos, an’ Mal.” Evie smiled at that, “Faimly isnae jist bluid, faimly is who is by yer side thru thick an’ thin. Their opinion is important but sae is yoors an’ sae ur others. They dinnae decide who ah loove. Ah dae.”

Evie nodded hurriedly and turned back around, gripping Harry’s hand tightly as they walked towards the door. She opened it gently, squinting as the bright sun ambushed her.

CJ squealed slightly as she ran over to hug her older brother. Harriet continued to lean against a wall, acting cool and suave.

“Haye thaur ye wee runt.” Harry smiled as he hugged his sister and spun her around. “Hoo is skale treatin’ ye?”

CJ placed her feet back on the ground and pushed a loose blonde strand behind her ear, “It’s gud. Sophomair year is easy sae far.”

Evie placed her hands behind her back, “How was freshman year?”

CJ sent her a look that had Evie bristling and Harriet smirking. Harry was just clueless. “Fine.” Evie’s lips folded in as she rocked on her heels slightly. Harriet pushed off the wall, flicking some dirt from her fingers. She took a few menacing steps forward, arms crossed and eyes heated with judgment. Her eyes raked up and down Evie’s form, her tongue tracing over her lips slightly.

“Sae yoo’re th’ famoos Evie.”

Evie quickly smiled at the older girl and stuck her hand out, “I know we didn’t really see much of each other on the Isle but it is nice to see you again Harriet.”

Harriet eyed the princess’s hand slightly before quickly grabbing ahold of it, shaking it just a tad too roughly and quickly.

Harry just smiled brightly, clapping his hands together and looping his arms over each shoulder of his sisters. “let’s gou tae lunch.”

The three siblings started walking down the pathway leaving Evie to huff in frustration and strut after them.

CJ had been wanting to try a sandwich place so she took the lead and decided that they were going there.

“Ye ken, it woods be gud tae ask e’er’body if they want tae come haur.”

CJ simply waved him off as she opened the door to the small restaurant. “Harriet owes me a body an’ ah ken Evie won’t min’, reit Evie?”

Evie just smiled, “not at all CJ.” The four took a seat at a small table near a window and began thumbing through the menu.

Evie smiled at the girls, “order whatever, my treat.”

CJ smiled happily and began rattling off all the things she wants to get as Harriet just eyed the girl. Harriet was about to open her mouth and say something snarky, Evie assumed, but Harry’s phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and cursed lightly under his breath.

“It’s Gil, jist gezz mah a minute.” He excused himself from the table and walked outside just as the waiter came around. Evie’s eyes stayed focused on Harry who was pacing outside the window, phone pressed to his ear. Evie watched as he threw his head back before roughly pushing his phone back into his pocket practically storming back into the restaurant. “Weel Ah hae tae gou, 'at divit Gil is in th' wey o mess up uir project.”

Harriet snorted, “classic Gil.”

Evie’s heart sped up immensely and she looked to Harry with wide eyes, “we can uh… reschedule the lunch if that’s better.”

Harry just waved her off, not sensing the immediate surge anxiety that was beginning to overcome her, “nae tae wurry, ye shoods gi’e tae ken each other while ah deal wi’ th’ divit Gil.”

Harry gave one last smile to the gaggle of girls seated at the table before scurrying off, muttering things about how Gil can’t be trusted with even the simplest of things.

Evie swallowed thickly and looked to the two sisters sitting in the booth across from. Her eyes flitted from the short blonde to the strong brunette, how could she feel this intimidated? She was the daughter of the evil queen for evil’s sake!

“So… Harriet, how is UA treating you?”

Harriet picked at her nails, seemingly uninterested in the question before she eyed the blueberry princess heatedly. “Huvnae started skale yit. but let's nae bortha wi' th' wee gab, we ur haur tae gi’e tae ken each other better arenae we?”

Evie smiled tightly and nodded, breathing out a small breath of relief as the waiter came by and set down a water in front of both her and Harriet and a large milkshake in front of CJ. CJ shrugged, “Evie said she was buyin'.”

Evie giggled slightly, “no worries CJ. Get whatever you want.”

The waiter tapped his pen against the notepad and smiled at the ladies, “What can I get you guys today?”

CJ rattled off her order in a speed so quick Evie would be surprised if the waiter caught it all, but instead of complaining he simply smiled at the younger girl. Harriet ordered next, her meal sounding much simpler.

The waiter looked towards Evie last with an expecting gaze. Evie had been so preoccupied with anxiety that she had forgotten to look at the menu, “could I just have the salad of the day please?”

The waiter smirked and sent her a wink that had her bristling uncomfortably, “would that be all for you beautiful ladies.”

Evie blushed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear nervously, “yes that’s it. Thank you.” She didn’t breathe properly until he had completely walked away with the menus, only then did she deflate into the booth slightly.

“Wa ur ye flirtin' wi' other men fur when yoo're wi' mah brither?” Harriet accused.

Evie gasped, “I was not flirting!”

“A salad aye?” CJ said completely changing the subject and pulling Evie’s attention to her.

Evie just nodded, “um… yeah I’m not too hungry right now.”

“Tryin' tae lose weecht? daein' one ay those detox teas those princesses fancy haur sae much?”

Evie shook her head looking appalled, “of course not! Those teas are horrible for you, and no I’m not trying to lose weight. I really just wanted a salad.”

Harriet eyed Evie up and down, “Weel it's guid 'at yoo're nae tryin' tae lose weecht coz ye coods afford tae pit oan puckle poonds. harry likes his burds a wee bit thicker.”

Evie pursed her lips and forced herself to calm down and answer politely, “Well thank you for being concerned for my health but I promise you I’m taking care of myself.”

“Och aam sure yoo're takin' caur ay yerself but ur ye takin' caur ay uir brither?” Harriet snarked over her glass of water.

CJ nodded with a mouth full of milkshake, “He can be quite forgetful sometimes. needs someain tae swatch it fur heem.”

“well I do take care of your brother but I’m not your mom so I’m happy to say that I act like a girlfriend more than anything.” Evie said sharply before forcing herself to take another calming breath.

“Keep uir mammy out ay yer gob princess. that'll be th' only time Ah warn ye” Harriet whisper with a deadly glare. The air was tense at the table only for the waiter to break it up by placing their plates down in front of them. He sent Evie another wink, but she didn’t even look up from her salad to thank him.

“I’m sorry.” Evie said softly, “I didn’t mean to offend you.” Another tense pause. Evie ventured forward cautiously, “Harry’s told me a little bit about your mother. She’s sounds wonderful.”

“she was.” Harriet snapped, “Far tay guid fur baith uir faither an' 'at godforsaken islain ye left us oan.”

Evie choked on her salad, “that I left you on? I’m the reason you’re off the isle right now!” Evie was trying her best to stay positive and cordial towards Harry’s sisters, but this was beginning to be a little too much.

Harriet scoffed, “Harry tauld me 'at ye an' heem waur a hin' an' 'en ye left heem fur these stuck up princes.” She folded her arms defiantly, “Hoo lang did it tak' ye tae remin' 'yoor true love' an' gi’e heem aff 'at place?”

Evie winced, “too long.” Evie looked up from her food, “Look I know we messed up. We all did. The VKs, King Ben, Former King Adam, hell all of Auradon messed up but we’re trying to make it right. And yes it did take me longer than preferred to get more kids of that isle, but I won’t let you sit there and say that I simply forgot about your brother and moved on no problem.”

Evie let out a shaky breath before continuing with more strength, “I was the one who wanted to tell everyone. I wanted to meet you from the beginning of our relationship. Harry thought it wouldn’t be a good idea and looking back, he was right. We’d both be dead right now if we told any of our friends or family, so we kept it a secret. Leaving him on that isle was on the hardest things I have ever done, and the worst part was I couldn’t even miss him! I couldn’t tell anyone that we were a thing because we were secret and then Mal went and screwed up again and got us in that entanglement which is a whole other thing to deal with.” Evie huffed out as she pushed her locks from her forehead.

She folded her hands into her lap and softened her voice, “I’m sorry that it took us so long to get you guys off the isle, I really am. But don’t think that I ever stopped loving your brother, because he was and is the only person I’ve ever loved.”

“Whit abit Doug?” CJ who had remained quiet during Evie’s small outbreak spoke up softly.

Evie gave a small humorless laugh, “Doug was a distraction. He was nice and kind and funny and I was new to Auradon so it was overwhelming. He helped me settle in and start my business, so I always be thankful to him for that. But… there never was anything between us. Sure a kiss or two but no sparks.”

“Diz mah brither ken thes?” Harriet asked, a new easiness taking over her persona.

Evie nodded, “yeah he does. Gave Doug a bit of a scare when we first got back together but they’re okay now. Doug even helps him with English assignments from time to time.”

Harriet sighed fiddling with one of her messy braids in what seems to be a nervous fashion, “Weel princess, there's a chance Ah judged ye tay early.” She glanced to her younger sister who was happily munching on her sandwich, “We baith did.”

CJ nodded her head, a small piece of lettuce falling from between her lips. Evie smiled at them, “well thank you for giving me a chance. I really do like your brother and I was hoping to get along with you all as well.”

Harriet smirked slightly, “Ah hink we coods make somethin' wark.”

~.~

The rest of lunch was uneventful, the girls sharing funny stories with a few interjections on the upcoming school year. They reminisced about their time on the isle and grimaced over their parents. Overall it ended up being pretty okay, if you looked past the one rough patch. Evie had hugged both girls goodbye before going up to her dorm room, with what could only be described as a content smile on her face. She opened her door with her key and fell onto her large bed with a sigh.

“I presume it went well?” Mal asked from behind a book

“yeah it actually did.”

“harry stopped by earlier looking for you.”

Evie picked up her head slightly, “do you know where he is now?”

Mal looked over the edge of her book, her black rimmed glasses pushed high on her nose. “Do I look like his personal GPS? This is why we have phones.”

Evie snorted but pulled out her phone nonetheless and typed a quick message to her boyfriend.

Princess: Mal said you were looking for me

Pirate: aye Yeah Ah was seein' if ye waur back frae th' lunch yit.

Princess: I’m back now, are you in your dorm.

Pirate: aye

Princess: I’m coming over

Pirate: Cannae wayte.

Evie rolled off her bed throwing her small purse over her shoulder once again. She turned towards Mal as she walked towards the door, “I’m going to see Harry, don’t need to wait up.”

Mal just sent her a thumbs up as Evie picked up the small bag of leftovers and walked outside her dorm. She made quick work of exiting her dorm and crossing the short path to the boys’ dorm. She pulled out the spare key Harry had given her (shhhh! Don’t tell fairy godmother) and entered the building quietly. She checked to make sure no guards were around before scurrying up the familiar staircase and walking to his dorm.

She knocked lightly on the wood and it was only a second later when the door opened. Evie was immediately greeting with a shirtless grinning Harry, arguably one of her favorite sights. She smiled a little coy smile at him and lifted the brown bag into view, “I brought leftovers.”

Harry’s smile widened as he placed a dramatic hand over his chest, “A lassie efter mah ain heart.”

Evie walked past him with an eye roll, “I thought I already had it.”

“Aye princess ye dae.”

“Hey!” the sharp voice sounded from Gil’s bed and Evie looked over her shoulder to find Uma glaring at them. “the rule is no lovey dovey stuff while other people are here.” Gil just nodded from beside her while munching on some popcorn. The two of them had obviously been watching a movie on Uma’s computer.

Evie lifted a small cardboard box, “what if I offer you some dumplings?”

Uma smiled and motioned for Evie to toss them, “You’re forgiven.”

Evie settled on the bed and began unpacking the bag. Harry eyed her curiously, “Did ye buy me dinnah?”

Evie smiled, patting a spot on the bed next to her for Harry to sit down. He did so willingly. She pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling out more food, “It’s to celebrate.”

“Celebrate whit?”

Evie smiled up at him cheerfully, “your sisters loving me.”

Harry rolled his eyes but pulled her close anyways, “Ah tauld ye.”

Taglist: @awkwardfangirl2014 // @givinggoodvibes // @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel

[imoverit]

My first post! I’ve never done something like THIS before!! I don’t even know what to do, where to begin, what to say, I’m not anything special!! Nobody wants to hear how I really feel and on top of that NOBODY REALLY cares how I feel anyways, so what’s the point??? Why?? Well after a very VERY rough Super Flower Moon Phase here at the beginning of the month, and after all relationship issues and personal issues and just everything, LIFE!! Everything is just so fucking crazy right now that I feel I absolutely GOTTA tell this person EXACTLY just how I feel about EVERYTHING.

I feel it already turning into one of those “regrets” where when your 90, sittin on the porch rocking away and you start to think about that one thing that just eats away at you for not saying anything when I had the chance to say SOMETHING and for whatever the reason, I chose not to say it or she’d stop me soon as she realized REAL HONEST TRUE FEELINGS were comming out of my mouth, BOOM everything, including extreme violence (a few times) ANYTHING and EVERYTHING TO STOP ME from saying BABE, I LOVE YOU!! No matter what, She just would not let me tell her my true feelings. Like she was embarrassed by it, like she didn’t deserve to be told she’s beautiful or that she didn’t deserve to be loved by someone or maybe it was, hey you said something mean and/or hurtful to me and now you “love” me alla sudden?

Well actually I NEVER STOPPED LOVING YOU!!! Sometimes people get so angry or frustrated over SOMETHING so SMALL and STUPID and take it out on or direct their frustrations at somebody else. They truly didn’t mean anything by it!! They still prepare the Keurig for you multiple times a day, and they STILL make the bed for you EVERY night, my actions show you I love you. Just cuz I was pissed the dog shit on the floor again and I angrily said to grab the paper towels for me don’t mean I DONT LOVE YOU!!!! Frustrated. That’s what a significant other is sposta do. PUNCHING BAG!!! But when you suffer from Anxiety and CPTSD and maybe a mood swing disorder or something like that, it’s A WHOLE NOTHER LEVEL!!! You, sometimes, even violently, snap on your significant other! For what appears to be no reason at all!!! Driving down the road, wind blowing thru your hair and boom, our plans change instantly!! 6hrs into an 8hr road trip and we’re turning right back around to go back home!! Only to get home and significant other is now even more furious that, I actually drove all the way home (she told me too remember) and ruined the weekend! Can’t go back now, missed check in we won’t get there till tomarrow night and then leave the next day nope I’m done I’m so over this and done...... (I’ll spare you all). Mean while the only reason I turned around and ACTUALLY drove the 6hrs in silence maybe a song or 2, but mostly silence, I turned around because if I hadn’t my life woulda required life saving measures!!

And I just don’t know what to do!! I know she’s trying!! She’s still alive but if it weren’t for me being there one night here not TOO long ago, she would have not been with us today!! And I guess that’s what has me the most “INSANE” and I speckt that’s why I’m here typing away for no one too read!!! It just IM IN LOVE WITH THIS WOMAN!!!! Despite all the bullshit despite misunderstandings, Miscommunication, despite EVERYTHING, name calling, verbal death threats, “”WISHES” of death upon her”, cops and a PFA hearing, that she knows DEEP DOWN INSIDE that I WOULD NEVER PHYSICALLY MENTALLY OR VERBALLY ABUSE HER like the monsters before me who hurt this amazingly beautiful strong amazing woman!! Yeah I know, so cliche, amazing...beautiful, it’s like if your in a relationship your “required” to say those things. Just like “I LOVE YOU” 3 words so powerful yet so over said that nobody feels or believes that their significant other “ACTUALLY LOVES” THEM anymore!! Well that’s where the old saying. ACTIONS speak louder than words!!!!! I’m still here, SHOWING her I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH HER despite of what I said to her. I was frustrated and angry at the whole situation and angry at myself for not doing nothing but I’m reality there is absolutely NOTHING NOT 1 FUCKING THING I COULD do about any of it. She was already pushing me out the door when I blew up and took my frustrations out on her. Well you know what I’m sorry your telling me, it’s period week, I love and miss you truly I CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU then when I say you been saying that for a month now why haven’t you seen me. We’re on your time schedule here. If I come over it’ll prolly end in a fight for “showing I care” but yet you tell me after I text you first for the day, I was just thinking about you too ☺️😘 “BEFORE” you texted me. Can’t wait to see you. Whoop whoop score for me!! She’s wet right now just thinking about me!! WRONG. Never did find out what was up. I confronted her about it couple days later and complete blow up avoid the situation evade deflect evade anger evade run,(eventually was 100% blocked within the next 10mins) deflect those ain’t about me, shes crying now, I hope you find the happiness your looking for some day. I’m sorry I’m not the girl your looking for it was never me it will never be me. “Basically” wait for my call but don’t wait for me you need to heal sounds like your trying to heal i really do hope you find the happiness your looking for.

Oh shit. I forgot All about this app. SHE called me earlier!! As I was typing up that last paragraph she fucking called me!!! Fuckin surprised the fuckin shit fuck outta me lemme tell ya!! Only wanted a number for a dood so she could get her car “inspected”!! And I’ll stop there for the night. I need some guitar therapy!!! Rough 2020 so far. Stay Well and stay medicated, stoned, blazed, high, happy mad sad whatever, just STAY IT.

[bree-sasbdb]

Another Saturday Night.... joy.

Talia

Despite the warning from @PegLegPhury I couldn’t help myself. I still craved the experiences of the normal world. I did not understand the concerns, mortal females went out without an accompaniment. Why couldn’t I? 

I wanted to be normal, hell part of me wished I could feel like a normal chosen and take more fulfillment in my duties and be content. But I needed to see more, do more. I decided I needed to get our again. 

The mated pairs had gone off and the unmated had gone out. I didn’t have a long window before someone would come “check in” with the chosen or as I called it babysit. 

I looked up a dance bar that had good reviews. Since I was still pretrans it would be a bit of a walk and a cab ride- but I didn’t mind. 

I found a pair of tight jeans and top. Since I was going to dance I wanted to be a bit more comfortable. I pulled on thigh high boots that made my legs even longer. After a quick toss of my hair I checked the mirror. I was ready. 

During the distraction I went through the halls and out the front door. I was ready to forget the empty feeling I had. 

The walk went faster than I estimated and soon found myself calling the cab company.

A quick drive later and we pulled up outside and my face fell.

It wasn’t exactly the dance club I expected. The place was what the mortals called a strip club. I huffed and let myself out of the cab. I walked to the doors and was surprised when I did not have to pay a cover.

I spoke to myself- “well here’s one experience to check off the list” and I pushed the door to the main room open.

Si

I told my security that I wanted to hit up Zero Sum tonight. I had 5 Mercedes Benz GLS in tow. I was in one of them. Bullet Proof, Sun windows, rocket proof. Took no chances with my life. Being one. Who supplied weapons you didn’t take chances.

Shadow was good people and I had arranged a vip section with him.  Getting out of my truck after opening the door. I stood out and button my coat. The doorman knew who I was. I was walked in and escorted to my section.I went into the vip section and took a seat. I ordered a whiskey nea and leaned back watching

Talia

After just a few short moments in the strip club I was more than done with that experience. It felt wrong to be there, and I couldn’t dance- well not without removing my clothing and I was not prepared for that. I exited the strip club and shuddered before I called another car to come pick me up. 

A short drive after I was back at Zero Sum, a place I knew much better. I relaxed as I walked in. Before I got too comfortable I scanned the area for any of the Brothers. 

I was in the clear. I ventured further and made my way to the bar. I leaned against it as I waited for my drink to come. One of the other patrons, a well dressed male, slid up beside me and offered to pay for it. 

I thanked him and went to the dance floor to start having a little fun dancing.

Si

My eyes noticed thru my sunglasses this rather strange bird coming thru the club. Tall and long legged. Chocolate looking too. Wondering who she was. I told the waitress I wanted another whiskey from her. She left to get me another one.

Bree

Man I needed to get out of the house I was going stir crazy but I had Kiehran. After everything Joshanah's parents had done for me I felt bad asking them to watch him. I was just gonna have to suck it up because I needed out. Taking Kiehran I went to find them them.

Talia

I felt eyes on me, I spun around and saw a male that oozed danger. I locked eyes and began a staring match. I only break when @Bree_Sasbdb bumps into me.

Instead of being mad that my drink hit the ground I just start laughing loudly. “Well Hello!”

Bree

*After Joshanah's parents agreed to watch Kiehran I hurried to change and get out. As I enter the club I was a bit self conscious though I had dressed to be noticed. Walking across the dance floor I bumped into someone. Turning I realized it was a pretrans* Sorry my fault.

Si

*The waitress hasn’t returned with my drink yet. I was mildly annoyed and it looked like at the bar a traffic jam between chocolate and a blonde. It seemed someone wasn’t watching where they were going.*

Talia

Still laughing I put my hand on the blonde female’s arm. “Don’t worry about it. I was just having a staring match with that guy up there.” 

pointing at The gangster looking Si 

“I’m the Cho..... I’m Talia. Just Talia.” Hoping the female didn’t hear me nearly say Chosen.

Bree

*Turning to look where she points, smiling as I turn back to her as I barely catch her name because of the music* He's kinda hot from what I can see of him. I'm Bree. It's nice to meet you Talia.

Si

Apparently I’m being pointed to. I arched a brow seeing the ladies jaw jacking between one another. I tell one of the boys to grab my drink at the bar. Seems my waitress got lost. “Pablo go get us our drinks.”

Talia

“Nice to meet you too Bree hope to see you around, you seem nice” 

Continuing to dance. Another guard attempts to move past me, He straggles for a moment and his hand lands on my hip. 

“‘No thanks” I say, move away.

He grabs me again. Out of self-protection I punch his throat.

Bree

Hope to see you too. *As I turn to head to the bar I see a guy heading towards her. I keep my eye on her as I make my way to the bar. As I see her punch him I chuckle to myself thinking good for her. When my turn arrives at the bar I tell the bartender I want a Sex on the Beach.*

Si

*I noticed the pretrans punch my guard for putting his hands on her inadvertently. I thought what I dumbass. I’ll have to figure out how to get rid of him.” Miguel, go ask the two ladies to join me and get me a drink. Don’t touch them, ask nicely.” I said sternly.

Talia

After a few more moments, another guard walks up gains my attention. He explains boss wants to see me and Bree in the VIP area. “He has to buy me a drink.” I laugh and head up while the male goes to Bree. When I get there I speak to Si, not knowing his background. “Hi, I’m Talia”

Bree

As I wait for my drink I look around and I notice Talia leaving the dance floor. Just then look to him* Hi I'm Bree. *Turning towards Talia I smile.*the bartender returns with my drink. I turn around to move away from the bar and almost run smack into a guy. He apologizes then tells me that his boss would like to join him. When he points out the guy Talia and I had discussed I look over and see Talia joining him. I nod and head that way myself. As I'm walking a guy tries to grab me but I catch his hand and tell him if he wants to keep using it he won't touch me. He walks away. When I reach the table I look to him* Hi I'm Bree. *Turning towards Talia I smile.*

Si

Hello ladies. *I stand up and shake each ones hand* Names Si, and please whatever you want is on my tab. Also nice hook Talia.

Talia

Beaming, Phury would be proud. “Thank you Si. I have trained some.” 

I sat in a chair and reviewed the menu for the VIP booths. “Hello again Bree” smiling at her. 

Seeing the guard I punched, staring him down as he glared at me.

Bree

Hello *After shaking Si's hand I walk around the table and sit in the chair between him and Talia.* It was a nice shot. *I look over at the guard and chuckle as I see him glaring at Talia*

Si

*I look at Pablo and eye him.* “You touched her inappropriately, what did you think she was going to do? Dance and fuck you. She’s a pretend you idiot. Go out and protect the cars since you can’t keep your hands to yourself. “ He headed off in a huff. “I must Pologize for him”

Talia

“You don’t need to apologize for him, he needs to learn” still glowering at him. 

Hollering out at Pablo, “what you want a nose job next? Phury taught me how to punch I can use more practice!” 

I start laughing unable to keep a straight face. “So Si, why did you invite us up?”

Bree

*When Talia hollered at Pablo I try to hide my surprise. Thinking she can't be talking about the rumored Brother or that maybe I hadn't heard her right. I recover quickly and look at Si* I was wondering the same thing.

Si

I saw you both staring at me and then of course my guard putting his hands on Talia like that. I thought I’d invite you over.

Talia

“That’s kind of you. So why do you need guards?”

Sucking down the drink that arrived. Wondering if these vampires will be able to be considered my friends after this, give me someone to talk to outside the mansion and chosen camps.

Bree

*Finishing my first drink as the waitress arrives with refills* Must be something important what with the guards and all. Please don't keep us in suspense.

Si

Let’s just say. I’m an important person around this place. Now what would you ladies like to drink?

Talia

“I’ll have what she’s having” pointing at Bree’s sex on the beach. “It looks delicious.” 

Looking around as the music thumps. “Well Si, Mr. Important... I really want to say thank you for inviting us up. I haven’t been able to really be up here, it’s usually occupied.”

Bree

It's a Sex on the Beach, Talia. *Glancing around at the VIP section* It is nice. I haven't been out in forever and I've never been up here.

Si

I’m not one of those types. That feel cause of their status others can’t have folks join them regardless of who they are or what their story is.

Talia

Smiling as I hear both. 

“Why haven’t you been out Bree? Everyone deserves fun. Si it’s so refreshing, usually I have to take off when some arrive.” 

Skipping over that I can’t be here when the brotherhood is there due to me being the pretrans, chosen, and not escorted

Bree

I hate people who think there better then others because they have money. I lost my family about 6 months ago. Between mourning and caring for my nephew I've been busy. But tonight I needed a break from everything. I'm glad I came out and got to meet you both.

Si

It’s always good to get a break from things. I do also need a break from my usual way of life. Zero Sum is a great place except, for the beating of the noise in here. *A waitress came by and I have an order for Sex on the beaches for the ladies and a Corona Premier for me.*

Talia

Still looking around when the waitress comes, her obvious desire for Si was pretty extreme. I could smell it even as a pretrans. 

After she left I laughed softly. 

“Careful Si, I think you found a fan in that one.” 

I relax back into the chair. Observing the bar, it wasn’t bad having this vantage point, but from up here I could see several more guards placed around the bar dressed similarly to Pablo and Miguel. 

“Do you always go ready for war to a bar?” 

Who was this male really? He seemed more dangerous than any of the guard.

Bree

*Glad that they both seemed to let the comment about my family pass as I wasn't ready to talk about it much. It killed me to even say the words. Accepting my drink from the waitress I take a drink wondering who Si really was with as much protection as he had with him tonight.*

Si

“I’m always ready for war. You never know what is going to happen when we step out. Lessers are everywhere. One can’t be too careful.” Hoping that deflects the questioning of what he does. Obviously he was well off. It’s wise to keep them away from what he did. He dealt in secrecy was his business.

Talia

A song comes on I just can’t sit still for. I wiggle in my seat. 

“Does anyone feel like dancing?” 

I bite my lip still thinking about Bree’s comment. I wanted to comfort her, but that would require me revealing a little more to these new people. We were still strangers they didn’t exactly need to know I was a Chosen. They might not believe me, and they might tell Phury. Just because I didn’t know them, doesn’t mean The brothers didn’t.

Bree

*Wanting to clear my mind Talia's question is perfect timing* Yeah I do. Si, what about you? *Looking over to the male* Do you dance?

Si

*Arches a brow and I look to my entourage. They were smirking.. “Yeah wipe the poke off your faces.” I turned and looked at the ladies. “I cut a rug or two. Or have been knew too.” He grinned taking them both by the hand. “Shall we?”

Talia

Laughing as the guys hoot and holler. I give my hand to Si with a laugh. 

“I hope i can keep up.” 

I watch some of the guards change positions and some are listening into ear pieces. 

I look to Bree and hope she comes too. I just have the feeling she needs a friend.

Bree

*Smiling I stand up and take his hand as I walk around the table.* I think he'll be the one trying to keep up with us. *Laughing as we make our way to the dance floor.*

Si

*laughs as I let your hands go. I tell the DJ to play Return of Los Tres. I close my eyes and let the music come to me. Then I begin to start moving. Galloping my legs then moving my hips around. Then moving like a robot some to song. Then doing a tilt And the a flip, landing on the floor and then spinning to a stop with my arm on my knee holding my head as the music stops.” HOWS THAT?

Talia

Impressed by Si’s ability to dance I clap after he asks how he did. 

“Impressive” 

I wiggle my hips to the beat with Bree and spin her then myself. The thoughts of the chosen camp far away, I felt normal for once.

Bree

*Grinning when Si asks how he did* That was impressive. *Laughing when Talia spins me and letting the music flow through me as I start moving my body sensuously.*

Si

*Watches the females start their slow steady sensuous dancing. Both had the hips to get a males blood up.* Work it ladies

Talia

My hips continue to wind to the beat. Strangers start to watch our trio of dance

I am just jubilant at how the night has gone. Not stuck, no danger, and fearless. 

Spinning again, my hair falls around my back and as a tease I caress Si’s cheek- then turn and do the same to Bree

Bree

*Seeing a human male heading in my direction I move closer to Si and continue dancing sensuously. Bumping into him and to steady myself I grab his arm.*

Si

*I see her look in the direction of the human male. I pull you in and just dance against you. Letting the human male that he best think twice of cutting in*

Talia

Not even seeing the human male until Si has Bree pulled close. They look cozy and the human sensed danger and changed his direction away from Bree.  

I guess humans could sense the danger. Si certainly wasn’t one to be trifled with.

Bree

*Shifting my dance style just a bit when Si steps into me but continuing to dance sensuously. Double checking the human and seeing him turn around. Reaching out to take Talia's hand so the three  of us are dancing together.*

Si

*The male turns back to sit with his posse. I give a signal to my guards to pay the guy a visit and advise him to not touch these or any others unless the contact is welcome. Jorge and Jesus move quickly. I turn back to enjoy the dance with the two lovelies.*

Talia

Only vaguely seeing the security move, I am more focused on the fun to be had. 

Snapping to attention when I hear a commotion at the door. Three of the trainees were on their way in, luckily they hadn’t met me but I had seen them. 

“I think.... I think I need to go.”

Bree

*Looking around to see what spooked Talia as she quickly walks away. Hoping she's okay as I unconsciously turn and put my arms around Si's neck.* Hope she's alright.

Si

*Notices that in walked in a few Chosen females and oddly noticed Talia scattering to hide. Then I put two and two together. Putting my hands on Brees hips while we dance. “I just hope she doesn’t go into the wrong door”

Talia

The doors confuse me, I don’t want to hide in the bathroom because I could still be found I choose the private rooms. I duck into the last door. 

I hyperventilate for a moment before the door is opened. I assumed it was Bree or Si. “I’ll be out in a minute....” looking up from the panic attack and see it’s the human that approached. 

“So how much do you charge sweet thing?” He asked.

“Excuse me?” I thought I misheard him.

“How much?” He repeats.

Without realizing he moved close enough his hand wrapped around my back as if I had agreed to him. Oh Scribe no!

I shoved him off just as the door was opening again, and quickly my fist connected with his nose, the tell tale sign of crunching bone and blood spurting let me know I broke his nose.

He screamed in pain, and I noticed a guard from Si’s platoon was laughing at the scene before him. 

“Easy Tiger, can I escort you back out? We were all worried about you when you ran.”

Shaking a bit from free adrenaline. I gulp. Well, if the trainees saw me and reported it they would have done it already. Plus they never met me, how would they know?

Bree

The wrong door could lead to trouble. *Realizing that I like being close to this male I close the little bit of distance there is between us.*

Si

*He smiled letting her close the distance between them. I see the male going into the private room and I shake my head realizing that Talia went into the sex rooms. “That human is going to be in for a world of hurt. “ He next hears a question then a punch and the male tumbling Out of the private room. I chuckle and then go back to dancing with Bree.

Talia

Shaking my hand out the security I assume Si sent goes with me to the bar to get ice for my hand. 

I look out and see Bree and Si have gotten closer. I smile. They were both new to me, yet both kind. It was nice. I asked for two napkins and a pen. I wrote my name and number on both and gave the pen back. The guard escorted me back to Si and Bree. He laughs as he tells Si what happened. “She’s scarier than we are boss, maybe you should hire her. She has a good left hook.” He goes back to find the human to “discuss” further with him.

Bree

You have a nice laugh. *Looking up at you* I get the feeling you don't laugh a lot though. *When Talia come back over to us I reach out and take her hand* Are you okay? You left so fast.

Si

Sadly most of the time I’m very serious. I suppose it’s the nature of my business. *I smile looking down at you. Holding you still as we dance some more.* Looks like the human didn’t like the service Talia was offering.

Talia

Taking Bree’s hand for a moment. Deciding to come clean. I hand them both a napkin. 

“I hope you will think of me as a friend.” Putting the ice back on my hand.  “And no he wasn’t happy with his punch.” I smile at him. 

“The reason I freaked out was because I am a pretrans but not just that, I am also a chosen. I am not supposed to be here at all, let alone without a member of the Brotherhood with me.”

Nervously I chew my lip. Wondering if they’ll be upset. 

“I was afraid they would call Phury and he would come take me home.”

Bree

He deserved it. *Taking the napkin then coming to a complete stand still, shocked as you say your a Chosen.* Wow a Chosen really? As far being your friend absolutely yes!

Si

He smirked looking over at Talia; he was correct on that suspicion when she came clean on who she was. “I thought I smelt chosen on you. Don’t worry you’re safe here and I won’t say noting. Can I be friends too?”

Talia

A grin spread across my face. “You don’t mind that I’m a chosen?” 

I pull both of the newfound friends into a hug unable to hide my excitement. “So how are you two getting along? You looked pretty cozy.”

Bree

I don't mind in the least. Just because your a Chosen doesn't mean you don't need friends. *Wrapping one arm around her when she hugs us. Thinking I'm glad that I came out tonight and met these two. With everything that had happened it was nice to feel something again that wasn't related to sadness, loneliness, anger or fear. I realized at that moment that perhaps I would be okay.* Thank you both for being here tonight and thank the scribe virgin that I met you both. Giving Talia's hand a squeeze and kissing Si on the cheek.* I really needed this.

Si

*He smiled at the kiss on the cheek. He looked up at the two of them. He nodded “ I did enjoy also meeting the two of you.  I enjoyed our dance Bree and Talia. Plus the shenanigans.” He laughed then said. “Why don’t we go sit down have a few more drinks, maybe some food too? Truth is I don’t want to head back to my place yet.”

Talia

I didn’t want to leave yet either. I give each of them a hand. “I am starving, punching people makes a female starved.” Laughing and going back to the VIP with my newfound friends. Sitting closer with them than before.

Bree

*Grabbing my drink as soon as we reach the table and taking a drink as I sit down* I not ready to head home either although I have a big night ahead of me tomorrow. Besides it seems that the fun is just starting. *Smiling as I look at you both.*

Si

*Smiles watching them both sit down and lean back against the seat. Ordering another r whiskey and a sex on the beach.* The fun is indeed just starting. *laughs and smirks*

Talia

I lean into the others for a moment. This was necessary and possibly meant to be. 

“I am so glad I came out.”

Bree

It's nice to have an actual conversation with grown-ups. My 7 month old nephew isn't up for conversations yet. *Smiling as I think of Kiehran.* As much as I love him I need time for myself as well. I’m still trying to get the handle on doing everything. I'm hoping when I get moved things will get better. It's been a hard adjustment period. *Frowning and realizing that I'm being a downer* Sorry didn't mean to put a damper on things.

Si

You’re taking care of a sister or brothers child? That’s deep down the most honorable thing to do. I know how to feels to be raised by someone of not your birth parents. That’s a story for another time. *smiles and take a sip of my whiskey.*

Talia

Looking at his whiskey. I wave the waitress over and ask for 3 shots of it. When she returns.

“I think we all just have that in common, and I want to toast to us, and our friendship” I lift the small glass. “Salut” 

The night was needed. “Maybe I can meet your nephew one day.”

Bree

He's my brother's. Your right that is definitely a story for another time. *Accepting the shot and raising it for the toast* Salut *Downing the shot and putting the glass back on the table.* I would like that. Maybe once I get settled in you could come visit.

Si

*He lifted his shot and saluted them both. Taking a back hit of the shot.* Indeed, how about we up the ante to tequila and lime or vodka?

Talia

Drinking games with a mafia type man. What could go wrong? I laughed. “Sounds good to me. Tequila?” Looking at Bree for her choice.

Looking deeper, Bree really had a heart of gold.

Bree

Sure I'll take some Patron. Why not? *Smiling at both of you* We might as well throughly enjoy ourselves tonight. I might pay for it in the morning when my nephew starts crying but I don't care. *Leaning back in my chair laughing.*

Si

*laughs and orders shots of Patron. Letting the waitress come over with the drinks. She eyed me seductively.* Sorry sweets if you think I’m taking home and fucking your. You’re sorely mistaken. I’m not into the hired help. *He took his shot and waited on the ladies.*

Talia

“Damn.” Si was blunt, more so than the brotherhood. It was familiar, yet Phury did not like when the males cursed near the chosen. And he loathed it when we started to curse too. 

After the waitress walked away I stifled my giggle and took the shot quickly. “Fuck that’s smooth.”

Bree

*Smirking as the waitress walked away. Taking my shot and putting the glass down* That's why I like Patron. It's smooth.

Si

Patron, I order top shelf. Not the cheap stuff that has three fingers worth of darn water in it. *He smiled as another round was brought to us.* Sorry for my filthy mouth and directness to the waitress. I just get tired of them wanting a tip more than what they are worn.

Talia

I can’t help but laugh, “I think she wanted more than the tip.” 

Stretching out and taking the shot offered to me. Thoroughly enjoying it, not having to worry or act incredibly proper. I was able to be me and enjoy. I felt the depression lifting, or was that the Patron?

Bree

I agree with Talia it wasn't a tip she was after. *Laughing* She was looking to have you as her tip. Have to say I can't blame her on that though. *Shocking myself at my bluntness and for having said that outloud. Blushing as I look away trying to be casual about it.*

Si

*I nodded my head.* They do that everytime. I guess some seem to think that a decent looking male coming here wants to fuck the waitress. I’m not lookin for door knobs. *My eyes go wide open from Bree’s comment catching me off guard as I cough from my drink.* I look over at Bree trying to hide her embarrassment with her blush. He smiled.* Thank you for saying so.

Talia

Blinking as the two connect further. I giggle as Bree is embarrassed. I know it’s obvious I want to give them a minute. I make an excuse “I am going to go get our next round so Miss Waitress with an attitude doesn’t come back” 

Slipping from the VIP lounge and down to the bar.

Bree

You're welcome. *Taking the shot that I had been holding. I look at Talia as she gets up and leaves for the bar. Part of me is happy but I'm also nervous at being alone with him. Looking over I find that he is looking at me. Blushing again* I'm not usually so outspoken.

Si

*He smiled at her. Looking at her for a moment. Taking in her eyes and features. Having not expecting to meet such an attractive female nor meeting new friends. He spoke.* I think you tend to more then you realize. In any case I find it an attractive part of females.

Talia

Turning and looking back as I wait. Happy that the two look so comfortable together. Wanting to take my time. I look at a food menu and speak to some of the humans near me to ask their opinion on what to eat.

Bree

Perhaps I do. *Smiling. Thinking about how nice it is being with him.* Probably has something to do with not being raised in typical Glymera fashion. My father encouraged me to have an opinion on things as well as teaching me to defend myself. All things that are frowned upon.

Si

Are you a daughter of a glymera? *I asked curiously* My parents were poor and I was into the gangs during my years of my transition. They had kidnapped a chosen for me to feed during my transition. I have a lot of respect for them but not so much the Glymera.

Bree

Technically yes but my father and grandfather had other ideas when it came to me. As the only girl, by Glymera standards, I should of been locked away. Instead I was encouraged to be independent. More than once others tried to convince my father of that but he just told them to raise their kids as they saw fit and he would do the same. My mahmen was of the same mind. I'm grateful for it now that I'm without them. I don't know where I'd be if not for that. *Smiling* It seems you've turned things around for your self. That must not have been easy.

Si

It wasn’t at first. We were all reckless and no sense of direction. Raiding the sanctuary so long ago before the way things were. Very dangerous. Pissing off the Scribe wasn’t smart by no sense of the stretch. Snatching a chosen from the sanctuary and keeping her from the rest.

I didn’t know so much then. I did my best to learn, I wasn’t educated since Mahmen and Father died before I transitioned. Growing up and pillaging gylmera and humans a like. When I was strong enough I challenged the leader for The right to run them. I ended his life in about a minute. I got rid of others that didn’t want to follow me. I began a plan to turn it into a business. I have my fingers in many pots. That’s why I have bodyguards. Loyal to me.

Bree

It's admirable that you changed it after taking over. *Wondering again what exactly his business is but realizing that it doesn't really matter* My grandfather always said that business could be more ruthless then the war. It's good to have loyal people around you.

Si

It is more ruthless than war. Lot of politics involved. Though not everything behind the scenes is what people think happen. I have my ways. Some would frown upon them. The ends justify the means. I am a gangster and a businessman all in one.

Talia

To keep myself preoccupied while Bree and Si talk privately I accept a human’s request to dance. He takes my hand and leads to the dance floor, he’s cocky and dances very close to me. 

I keep my eyes on the surroundings to maintain my safety. I just hope the conversation is good.

Bree

I can understand that. I don't know a lot about how everything works but I know my father tried to be honest. His business partner on the other hand is a complete louse. Unfortunately I still have to deal with him as he's in control of my family's estate until I marry.

Si

Maybe if you can get me his information I can pay him a visit. I don’t much care for people that hold things over innocent people heads. I have a way about me. He’ll know me. Just mention my name. If he doesn’t you let tell and I’ll visit him personally.

Talia

Trying not to be too nosy as I dance. The human pulls me closer and it feels ice to be held. I know it’s nothing more than human hormones with the male wanting to dance, but it’s nice. 

After two more dances I go to the bar to get drinks and take back to the VIP. 

“Hey! Sorry it took so long. Someone wanted to dance.” Now realizing I don’t even know the mortal’s name.

Bree

I'll keep that in mind, for now though I can handle him. *Smiling as I reach over and giving his hand a squeeze* I appreciate the offer. *Looking up when Talia returns with the drinks* Don't worry about it. Did you have fun?

Si

*He smiled and accepted the hand squeeze giving a slight squeeze back.* Its there if you ever need it. *I turn to see what Talia has done.* I hope you didn’t tease that boy too badly. *laughs*

Talia

At Si’s comment I look out and see the human staring up at us. I smile “I didn’t mean to, but it looks like I did.” I look down.

“I’ve never really been a flirt like that. I didn’t mean to.” I feel a little bad about the situation.

Bree

*Seeing Talia's expression wanting to reassure her* It's probably the alcohol. Have you drank much before? It happens. It's nothing permanent. Some males take flirting for more then that.

Si

She’s right. Males of the human mind do that a lot. Drink and get drunk then get horny dancing. He’ll be ok.

Talia

“I do drink just not usually so much so fast, and I tend not to do it often because of a few reasons” thinking to myself mainly the chosen thing. 

The human looks forlorn when I don’t return but he looks for other females. 

“He was kind of pressing his little warrior against me”

Bree

They tend to do that a lot especially if you don't stop them right away. Have you had anything to eat tonight? Drinking on an empty stomach the alcohol tends to hit faster and harder. *Looking at Si and smiling* I think we should cut her off for the night. What do you think?

Si

Yes, before she passes out and we have to carry her out. I don’t think the Primale will be too happy. Talia no more alcohol *laughs*

Talia

I pout but agree, for now. I smell the food before I see it. “It’s coming!” Almost giddy when food arrives. “I ordered crab-spinach-artichoke dip and pretzel bites.” I really enjoyed food and tended to over indulge.

Bree

Yes I think that's definitely for the best. *As the waitress sets the food down I snag a pretzel bite as I look around* It must be close to closing time. *Looking at my watch* Damn I'm not ready to head home yet. But the night won't last forever.

Si

It’s getting close to that time. -Chuckled and took a bite of the pretzel with the artichoke dip- I hope you are able to get home safely when we do leave.

Talia

“I’ll be safe. I promise. It’s not a bad cab ride or walk.” I shrug. I should actually get going. I know the males usually returned home soon and if I wasn’t there Phury wouldn’t have to guess at if I snuck out. And I would have another lecture waiting for me...

Bree

I'm catching a cab home too. *Grabbing a couple more pretzel bites and looking around. A male on the dance for catches my eye. It's Trahern, I can't hide the shiver that goes through me. I'm glad he hasn't noticed me yet and I hope he doesn't see me at all. Turning back around and slide my chair closer to Si to make sure he can't catch sight of me if he looks up. Shaking my head* Damn just my luck.

Si

He noticed that Bree’s demeanor had changed and stated to move closer to me like she had saw a ghost. He didn’t know what was going on. “Bree what’s wrong?”

Talia

Following her gaze. I see the male. “Who is that?” I ask sobered by the sudden change from the carefree and happy Bree to a bundle of nerves. “What did he do?”

Bree

Oh...hes my father's business partner's son. Since the day I was born his father assumed we would be mated. I begged my father not to approve it because he is a addict, abusive and not against using force on women. Luckily my father had heard the rumors about him and refused the mating. His partner was furious. So technically he hasn't done anything to me but I don't trust him as far as I could throw him.

Si

It would seem that you have a bit of closure still open. I can have my people help you to a cab if it would make you more comfortable? You don’t look overly trusting of him.

Talia

A few words set me off, knowing so many females were abused by mates upset me and the Dutch courage I had ingested made the anger even worse. 

“Excuse me.”

Without warning I get up and find the male. I put my hand on his shoulder, when he turns around he seems pleasantly surprised it’s a female who looks like me. Drunkard puts his hands on my hips and grinds. Ugh! He reeked of booze. 

“This is for the females you’ve put your hands on.” As hard as I could I kneed him in the balls. His eyes bulge and he gasps for air as he falls to his knees and he grabs for me. I hop backwards and grin back deviously at the two in VIP. 

A security guard grabbed my arm “it’s time for you to cool it little lady.” He walked me to the front door. I wave my goodbye to my friends as I am 86’d for the fights.

Bree

*Smiling at Si* I would appreciate that, thank you. *watching as Talia leaves the table I see her walk up to Trahern. Laughing when she knees him but sad when she gets escorted out of the club.* Guess she hit her quota for fights tonight. *Laughing as The DJ calls Last Call.*

Si

*I just shook my head and chucked. Seeing that Talia had one thing of piss and vinegar left in her.* I guess he’s deserving of that for all the others. His pride is wounded. He’ll want revenge cause he was embarrassed. Oh well, he has no balls to try if he does I’ll hear of it and well. Daddy will get a present on his front door. *He smiled standing up and taking my card.* Here’s my card call me sometime after tonight? 

Bree

*Accepting the card as I stand up* I'll do that. *Taking the napkin that Talia had given him and the pen he offers me, I write my name then my number down.* Feel free to give me a call sometime. Smiling as I had both items to you.*

Si

*I smile taking your napkin and my pen. Putting it in my jacket pocket. I have my guards help escort us out and making sure you can get a cab. I help you in and I pay the driver. Smiling at you.* Let me know you made it ok? *She smiled and the cab drive off I got into my SUV of 5. I shut the door and we are off to my place out by the docks.*

Bree

*Once I tell the driver the address I sit back smiling to myself. I make sure the card is in my clutch. 

The driver pulls up to the house and I get out. Once inside I go check on Kiehran then go to my room. Before I take a shower I text Si* I'm home safe. Thank you for a lovely evening. Perhaps we can do it again some time. *I also send a text to Talia* Tonight was fun. We'll have to get together again soon. *I put my phone on the nightstand and headed into the bathroom.*

#SaintsNSinners

#SASBDB 

#BDB

[selenecrawford]

Sengoku: Kisses, Giggles and Cuddles

Warnings: A bit of angst and full fluff. Be prepared.

It was the first day of the last month of spring. By now Aki was speaking Japanese with a soft accent. Aki was a perfectionist she kept reading always. Even when her lessons with Mitsurani and Ieyasu were now over. Still, she requested Nobunaga to go with Mitsurani during the army drills as an assistant. In part, it was to learn but also she wanted to be busy. Masamune had proven to be a persistent man. He always was following her around while doing her chores. The only time he didn't pursuit her was on meals, sleep and if Hideyoshi was looking for him to go on meetings.      

Aki had to admit the man is handsome, he is tall, full of energy but sometimes too unpredictable. At some point, he started keeping her meals in the kitchen to lure her out of her room. Which worked since she had to go out of her room to bit his head off in order for her to get her food. He never left her alone. He was always distracting her with any detail or story he could think off. Today was no exception the Lord of Osu was again requesting to Aki to drop the Lord and call him by his name. Aki as always was dead set on not doing it.  

   “Ok, here is the deal Kitten...”    

“Lord Masamune, my name is not kitten is Aki.”    

“I think I told you to call me Masamune, come on Kitten, repeat after me Ma...    

“No.”    

“Sa.”    

“I said no.” Aki crossed her arms a frown forming on her face.  

“Mu,...ne. Kitten, you call everyone by their name, even Nobunaga. Why?” at this point, Masamune's smile vanished.  

  Aki felt a sudden cold feeling breeze, Masamune sighed and left leaving her alone. The teasing was starting to get old, good he was getting tired. But why this was making her feel sad? Still, she decided to hide her emotions. He helped her to be more open to her new life. She now was speaking, because of his antics. He convinced Nobunaga to give her tasks. That will make her speak to practice her Japanese. Sometimes even going on errands to the town alone. He pushed her buttons to the limit sometimes. It was Hideyoshi who seemed to notice the purpose behind these tasks. Masamune wanted her to be independent. Yet, he was always flirting with her. She still remembered the time they both fell asleep in the garden. Her cheeks fluttered, she didn't feel bad. But her worlds were different, she was a foreigner, a Nanban, without social status. No standing, she is only a lucky liberated slave. He was the Lord of the Clan Date. It was unfair to like a man like him. Biting her lips her tears started to fall.   Masamune turned around when he heard the sniff. He then noticed her tears, Aki was looking at the ground while tears run down her cheeks. He didn't know when he started to walk toward her but he did. In a couple of strides, he took her in his arms and walked to her room.  Aki had already closed her eyes, still crying in silence. She broke her promise, she felt her heart breaking. She buries her face on his chest, taking a deep breath trying to calm herself. He went to her room which was the place nearer for them. After leaving her on the floor he closed the door and started to make tea.      

Aki hugged her knees while hidden her face. She felt like an idiot. He might think she is a ball of nerves and stupidity. A slight rub on her back, a month ago that would have made her jumped scared. But his hand felt good comforting, a small kiss on the top of her heard made her sigh and break her little fortress.

“I made some tea here take this.” he was talking in a sweet deep voice.  

Aki took the tea from Masamune's hands. The hot beverage filled her body with a strange warmth, yet, her sadness couldn't get away. She looks at Masamune looking for an answer. But there was none, only a feeling of confusion. Aki knew that the only way to solve this was to make him hate her. But how could she do that? Since his arrival, her days are always a new adventure. She tried to resist it but then, he always managed to destroy her walls. Aki was at her limit of reasons on why she shouldn't fall for a man like Masamune. She thought if he sees her scars, he might reconsider being with her? It was a painful bet that she wanted to risk but at the same time, she didn't want to lose him.  Masamune waited, for Aki's next move. Seeing her crying on the yard was not on his agenda. He only wanted to feel close to her. He wanted to be like the rest. Yes, he threw all Hideyoshi's advised to the wind. Seeing her silent, fragile hurt his heart. He wanted to make her smile, ever since returning from Osu he only had eyes for her. A heartless chuckle, made him lower his head. He never cared for status or heritage, in front of him was someone as bold and carefree as him. Every step he made was 10 or more she took back.

“Masamune?” his eye widened at the realization that Aki called him by his name. He's left speechless, raising his head to find Aki closer to him than before.

“Aki?” his hand coupled her left cheek. Her eyes closed at his contact. Closing the distance, Masamune hesitated for a second. He brushes his lips against hers. Aki corresponded his movements with the same action. Their kisses were a mutual exchange, that started growing intense. Both bodies inclined against each other. As time went by their balance suffered. Ignoring the balancing, both deepen the kisses. Aki finally loosed her balance taking Masamune with her to the floor. Masamune managed to take the fall with Aki on top of him.

For a few seconds they didn't move, Masamune felt Aki's body started to shake. Fearing the worst Masamune was going to ask Aki when the girl started to giggle. Marveled Masamune stopped moving to see Aki giggling turning into a laugh as she tried to move from him. Holding her with one arm by the waist and another on her nape Masamune made her lower her face to kiss her once again. After what it seemed a long conversation thru kisses, Masamune and Aki took a break. Covering her face with her hands, now Aki felt her face burning with embarrassment. Her heart was beating fast full of happiness. Masamune smirked embracing her in his arms and kissing her forehead.

“Kitten, I know we are different, still I can't stop thinking about you. I know you feel the same, I don't make promises, but for you, I want...” his lips silenced her index finger.

“For the moment I want this. Can we talk about the rest later? All I want is this. Please?” Aki didn't want Masamune to make an empty promise.

She wanted to be like him, to be able to live the present, to enjoy life to the fullest. At some point, they will part but she will have something to go by. Masamune kissed her fingers and rest his forehead with hers. He wanted to address the issue now but it will have to wait. For the moment he was content to have some kisses, giggles, and cuddles with Aki at least.

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Thank you for liking this story. As always likes, reblogs and comments are always welcome. This will also be on my AO3 page under the same Name Selene Crawford. I’m updating now since I’m still working on THe Odd Pair. Thank you for your patience. If you will like to be a tag on this story please send me a message. Thank you ^^.