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#me: doesn't write for several days
seventh-district · 4 months
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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wereh0gz · 10 months
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Is my discomfort with my boobs gender dysphoria, body dysmorphia, or just a general discomfort with the sensations of having a human body that comes with possible neurodivergency
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yeonban · 8 months
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I might be ~quirky~ for this (welcome to my twisted mind and etc) but I genuinely have so much fun with shipping nowadays, ever since I chose to be singleship for each muse. I feel like my adhd has never allowed me to pour even half as much care and attention into a ship as I'd have loved to when I had multiple ones at the same time per muse, so being able to focus on a single romantic dynamic per muse really feels like a weight off my shoulders
#* ooc.   /   posts.#I also know my adhd is all over the place so at times I may go a few months w/o bringing that specific muse (and thus ship) up#(unless you approach me in dms; in which case my mind typically instantly goes !!! on the muse & ship)#so I'm INCREDIBLY touched whenever my ship partners agree to be singleship w me. It's truly such an honor and blessing to me#and I feel like it's much easier for my muse to get very attached when their romantic attention only goes to a single person;#so you can best believe that from the moment we start shipping your portrayal will ALWAYS. and I mean /ALWAYS/ be intertwined with mine#doesn't matter if you drop the muse or leave tumblr or stop writing altogether. your muse will Always be my muse's special someone#I've had tons of ships where my partner disappeared off the face of the earth one day and yet all I've done was change 'singleship'#to 'noship' bc my muse's heart to this day (several irl years later) continues to be with their portrayal; REFUSING to look at anyone else#Granted this is also why I'm so picky with shipping; in the sense that I let my muse lead the way til they fall in love#and only THEN do I ask the mun if they're fine w our muses being a thing (and thus being singleship w me)#I used to say yes to people just asking to ship and while I know that's a neat option too; I simply. Cannot do that these days ADGHSAJDSDK#nothing against anyone nor against that route; but I've had a good share of ships that crumbled or made me lose muse bc my muse wasn't#feeling the ship. so I'm no longer going ahead unless the muse falls first and makes ME start shipping it rather than the other way around#and that decision has unironically made me feel so light and comfortable here AHDSAJDSKDJ#AH NEY WAYZ!! I need to be sedated bc why am I awake at 11 am. I HAVE NOT SLEPT.
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vulpinesaint · 1 year
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literally evil for my sacred texts professor to assign a two hour movie. i would not sit down to watch a two hour movie for pleasure much less for class
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mitamicah · 8 months
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I see a lot of people have made covers of the snippet of Everybody's Waiting (the new JO track)
I may do it too but at the same time I am hesitant given that I am 90% sure they won't see it (since everything else I'd ever made have never been noticed by them - Bojan's big share yesterday included) and if by chance it is getting seen I am not sure how I'd feel having the first thing noticed by them be just another cover
I am probably overthinking things again
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bumblingbabooshka · 1 year
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-Turns to my Tuvok enjoyer followers as if I’m startled to see them- Um! What if....uh...fuck...what if...-looks through my notes- what if....oh, here we go; What if Tuvok and [crewmember of your choice] had to change into different clothes for some kind of mission and Tuvok was being weird about it and the other person was like “C’mon, what’s wrong with you??” and finally Tuvok sighed and undressed and he’s wearing underwear with some silly little pattern on it. -looks up- is that anything??
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nocentis · 2 months
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Light of the Cove ┆ AU
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Name: Jellal Fernandes Age: 29 Home Planet: Evra Status: Intergalactic Fugitive, Vagrant Affiliations: Pyk'ryan Rebel Faction Occupation: Defense Pilot, Supplier Classification: Carbon-based sentient life-form; bipedal, mammalian
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Background: The universe at large has been dominated by the Lythrum for thousands of years.
Jellal spent many of his formative years helping to organize and direct his planet's department of defense. When his home was invaded, he helped lead the resistance against the Lythrum army. Unfortunately, the Evran Allied Forces were outnumbered and, subsequently, overpowered. His home was instated under Lythrum rule, and he, among many of his peers, was taken prisoner.
A select few of the Evran people inherited the ability to control the fundamental elements involved in nuclear fusion, such as helium and, eventually, hydrogen. Jellal was one of these generational Evrans, and as such, was the subject of study for a handful of years whilst held in captivity.
The prison ship which held him passed through a highly volatile, atypical magnetic field, which disrupted their technology and caused a shipwide blackout. During this blackout, Jellal managed to escape using an emergency pod and assigned his landing to the nearest heavenly body.
After nearly a week of drifting through the dense vacuum of space, breaking two days' rations into smaller and smaller pieces, his pod finally met the surface of a kingdom-sized asteroid. An ostensibly abandoned Lythrum outpost lay a few miles from where he landed, so he mustered what little of his strength remained, and he suited up for the journey, expecting to scavenge more supplies. When he stumbled through the outpost, he was met with hostility from its occupants — Pyk'ryan Rebel Captain Ynxa and their crew.
Over time, Jellal proved his credibilty to Ynxa and their crew, and joined the Rebellion as an official member. Due to his Evran stature, he became one of their main suppliers, often sneaking into Coves and "borrowing" precious supplies — namely fuel and advanced technologies — from especially heinous fugitives to stoke his rebel faction.
Lythrum: A bipedal mammalian species most often known for their cruel and destructive nature. Most Lythrum have thick skin with short, fine fur in a range of red-yellow hues. Their ears are typically long and pointed, though they come in a range of shapes and sizes. They might be described as fox-like by humans.
Cove: An intergalactic black market typically found on asteroids or small heavenly bodies far outside of claimed star systems. These markets are unregulated and often avoided by Lythrum forces, but they are lawless wastelands wherein there is no true authority and no protection.
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verishere · 2 months
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Your trademark is definitely great amazing and incredible poetry, but LOTR is also something I really associate w you
Ahhh thank you! The poetry is honestly what I was expecting (half my OC posts are poetry at this point) but also what I was hoping for. Over 95% of my effort shown on either of my blog is poetry they take so FUCKING LONG, the last one took 3 days and at least like 10 hours of writing for 40 lines. So thank you!
Also yeah LOTR is a third of my personality at this point. I write and talk like how Tolkien wrote sometimes.
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sysig · 10 months
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I’ll be fine, I just have to get it all out of my system (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: It has been got out of my system by this point lol#I had a bad writing day and it was terribly demotivating :P I've gotten over it lol#It was an Offline Monday and the previous several days had been such good writing days! To the point where I was worn out lol#But not recognizing that and expecting to just be able to Keep Going - well it led to a minor crash lol#Again nothing bad just complainy and demotivating I'm fine ♪#I am a little :/ about my devices being in the state they are that certainly doesn't help#My laptop's hinge and my iPod being so old and janky and my poor old tablet - still the main one I'm using lol#I think most of my USB drives are shot on this poor laptop so my new tablet that needs more than just the one just....doesn't work lol#It's a good backup to be sure tho! I do still kinda want a standalone proper-like... Investing in an iPad at some point is probably...#Well I'll worry about it more when it's an Actual Problem - for the moment everything is still working! Not the best but it's Doing!#Back to the writing et al lol - It was my Big Project which I think I've pretty clearly gestured at being an Adventure Time comic lol#I have not in fact rewatched the series beginning to end since finishing it - I've watched certain episodes but not just a front to back#I think a rewatch would be very entertaining! Seeing how all the pieces align from knowing the ending going in :)#But I'm good for the moment lol - I've got enough to work on to keep me going for a while yet haha#And as always I want More More More Tamagotchis#I've got my three but I want more!#Always about money huh :P Slowly but surely
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months
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...
#well. today was a nice day of not doing anything but drawing really. theres an au where i went to art school and am a happier person lol#except not really bc im sure my head would ruin that too. anyway. its a shame i have to return to the pain tomorrow. i have so much to grade#plus a paper to write plus data to work with. a protocol to figure out. and an exam to study for and a final project thatll kill me#god. i also have to get ready for lab Monday. christ. and what shall i say to my therapist Tuesday? well we could try to tackle the deep set#looming issue that prevents me from getting better in our tiny 50min session or i could be like listen. just fucking listen. let me give u#the case 4 and against me having adhd so i can stop feeling fucking nuts. just like give me feedback. ya kno?#it would b inattentive bc im not hyper unless im losing my mind and bordering on hyp0mania. but my focus is something i cant control#executive functioning has always been a problem but now im so worn down im in danger of actual consequences. and its not just things i dont#wanna do. im not just anxiously avoiding. i cant start tasks and stick with them. i flip back and forth and get nothing done. i spiral#sometimes for hours. im not doing anything fun im just not doing anything. frozen in anguish. i dont even wanna think abt how much money ive#lost by not filling out reimbursement sheets which arent hard to do. theyre easy i just never do them. why??? i dont fucking kno. but im not#forgetful. im thinking constantly abt these things. i just cant make them happen. theyre stuck buffering. i do have memory issues tho#my short term working memory is like that of a literal child. so i cant follow complex instructions. i constantly need new info. constantly#need sound. spoken words plus music at the same time. but the main reason i need an answer to this is the reading issue. which is that im#dyslexic but also my thoughts r like an interfering frequency. without realizing ill b thinking and not reading. its a problem no matter#what im reading. its severely disruptive. i will physically read out loud to try to hold my attention in place and still get distracted by#my own head. do u kno how frustrating it is to read something aloud 3 times and not know wtf u just read bc u arent thinking abt anything#interesting u would rsther b reading but u can't fucking pay attention long enough. genuinely if its not adhd and i cant get medication to#fix my focus issues i dont kno wtf im gonna do. im so bad at reading and its extremely frustrating. but is it just dyslexia? idk what i#described doesn't fucking seem normal or like a reading problem. sounds like a focus issue. so riddle me that#idk ive got adhd on both sides of my family plus my focus fluctuates with ny hormones plus homones possibly induce hyp0mania. like i mean#ive got other issues which make a diagnosis difficult to parse but like i feel like that's decent evidence for possibly adhd? my friend said#she was always worried she had a brain tumor before she was diagnosed. to me ive always felt like my brain is full of holes. im missing the#parts that would let it operate correctly. the frontal lobe is just fucked. ugh. i wonder how much accommodation i could get from the#disability office if i actually went to them. i wont bc im fucked up and i dont think they could actually do anything for me at this stage#but alas im curious. ugh. y do i do this to myself? i kno y but not enough time for that in 50min. bad attitude mostly. half my brain#just craves death. the other half is just trying to tread water but its hard with someone trying to drown u. so its all fucked#unrelated
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imwritesometimes · 10 months
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wouldn't it be funny if I could write again lollollol........
#got a very sweet comment on a fic today and I was like oh my god. oh my goddddddd. ppl *still* like my stuff.#ppl still like my silly little stupid little stuff that I had stupid silly fin working on & it's dumb and silly but I shared it!#and ppl like it!#and I'm like not pushing myself anymore. like before I was kinda trying to force shit to happen#like sitting in bed with an open notebook/laptop like CREATE BITCH!#and I'm not doing that anymore lol and being on my meds has really made me feel SO much better#but also like I just don't.... have any ideas anymore. can't rotate blorbo like a rotisserie chicken anymore#I lay down to go to sleep now and because my body is not operating under severe extreme toxic anxiety levels anymore#I just fckn fall asleep. like I'm OUT. good night. sleepin. snoozin. zonked. 7+ hours.#no more blorbo thoughts at the end of the day I'm TIRED and my brain FINALLY shuts off#I hope one day I'll write again. I had so much fun with it. I have had a couple Thoughts#since I have been on my meds#but they're nothing more than a few quick sentences scrawled in a notebook.#it's like I'm doing so much other stuff and having fun in other ways and SLEEPING FINLALLY SWEET GOD ALMIGHTY#there's just like zero processing left for original blorbo ideas#this doesn't make sense and I bet you were all relieved cause I haven't ranted in tags in like months but hahaha#🤡 I STAY HONKIN'!!!! 🤡#(I'm actually really in a really good place mentally rn I promise like the best I've felt in years I'm just ahhh!! tonight lol)#erin explains it all
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cookinguptales · 1 year
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so my intention was to space out my wwdits tarot posts a little so I'm not spamming the tag too much but the posts that I've already written are starting to build up lmao
so uh, thoughts?
the "post whenever but not exceeding one per day" means sometimes you might get like 5 days in a row and then I wander off to the shadow realm and then come back and do 5 days in a row again.
also, just a reminder that if you want to follow (or block!) this project, I'm tagging it with "#wwdits tarot"
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scionshtola · 2 years
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figure my heart out
summary: Mirren tries to want someone new. It doesn't work like she hoped. pairing: Mirren Sero x Aeran Kellis, Mirren Sero x Veyer Krellion (sort of/minor) word count: 691 | rating: Teen | read on ao3 notes: Mirren's thoughts during the Veyer gallery make out hehe
Mirren should step away.
She’s encouraged Veyer far too much already. She’d seen the way they looked at her in the library after the meeting and she had sought them out in the gallery anyway. But they had been kind to her, too, comforting her when the news about Sirin had overwhelmed her. When she’d seen them out here, clearly waiting for her, she’d hoped—she’d needed more of the same, after—
Maybe it was a mistake, Mirren. Looking for you in Karth.
Veyer’s hand is warm on her bare shoulder, their lips brushing her ear as they whisper to her. She should put distance between them. More than that, she should leave the gallery behind and everyone watching her with it.
Their fingers slide over the curve of her hip. She should stop them, should want to stop them. She hardly knows Veyer. That alone is usually enough to make the touch unpleasant, to make her shy away. They’re close enough that she can feel their breath on her cheek.
She’d been tired and angry when she’d walked up to them in the gallery, still upset after the things Aeran had said. Veyer had asked after her, comforted her again even when she pretended she didn’t need it. Maybe that is why she doesn’t feel the need to draw away, why she covers Veyer’s fingers with her own, inviting them even closer.
It doesn’t ever matter what anyone else wants as long as you get what you’re after.
Veyer hasn’t hidden what they want from her. It’s refreshing, after the night she’s had, after the confusing disparity between Aeran’s cruel words and the strange regret in his eyes as he said them. She knows what they want, and it’s easy. Uncomplicated. She can want it, too.
They pull her in with one arm around her waist, their smile growing. She can want someone new, someone that’s not Aeran. She can want their fingers pressing lightly to her lips, their desiring gaze that heats her skin, their murmurs in her ear, their fingers cupping her chin.
Mirren lets it all happen, asks for more with her own heavy lidded gaze, the shivers of excitement that dance down her spine, the way her breath catches in her chest when they look at her. She wants them to touch her, to pull her against them, to lean in…
Veyer kisses her, their body pressing her against the stone archway. They’re speaking to her in between kisses, but she can’t concentrate on the words, and not only because she is too preoccupied with their lips against her neck.
The truth is you need me more than I need you, you always do—
She pulls them closer, fingers clutching at their jacket. She wants this. She can prove to herself that he wasn’t right, that she doesn’t need him—someone who keeps things from her, someone who shot her—more than he needs her. She can go through with this, can keep kissing them, can let them lead her away from the gallery for more. If Aeran saw her right now, he would know, too. If Aeran saw her right now…
Veyer’s lips at the hollow of her throat are too much, their hands too heavy as they caress her through her serithan. A different, more familiar kind of shiver ripples through her, unpleasant, as she stiffens in Veyer’s grasp.
She doesn’t want Aeran to see them. Whatever he said to her, whatever he was hiding from her, she doesn’t want to hurt him. Her fingers uncurl from Veyer’s jacket, the palms of her hands sliding to their shoulders to give her some room to breathe.
Maybe she needs Aeran more than he needs her. Or maybe she would be better off following Veyer out of the gallery to a private corner of the palace. It doesn’t matter. She knows what she really wants, what she’s wanted ever since he held her hand on the white sands of Tol Covere nearly a year ago. She’s not going to find it in Veyer’s hands, or their lips, or their body pressed against hers. 
Mirren steps away.
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beastsovrevelation · 10 months
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I really thought the Millory Arranged Marriage Ch1 would be short and sweet. But, apparently, why not add a bunch of random scenes?.. Why not have Michael take Mallory to a satanist party?.. Why not have the actual wedding in Ch1?
I even wondered about including smut, but... No.
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catboydan · 1 year
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I finally rewatched Good Omens s1 and watched Good Omens s2 and I'm now crying, they've been pining since the very beginning of everything and they deserve happiness not that ending they got
you know what though? we're gonna get there. THEY are gonna get there. they're gonna get that cottage in the south downs, and all we have to do is harass the studios to pay their workers so the strikes can end and we'll finally get to see our ineffable idiots have a happy ending ;-;
#i cried SO HARD#and it took me a few days to get thru the funk but you know what helped?#knowing we're at the halfway point#and that s3 exists in some form regardless of the strikes. neil gaiman has said he'd write a book even if the show doesn't get renewed#i was SO ANGRY at aziraphale and SO ANNOYED at crowley but now i'm just.#sitting here daydreaming about their reunion 🥰#because really i've rbed a lot of analysis stuff but i truly think they are miscommunicating on every level#it feels a bit like the bandstand scene in s1 now. like it hurts but it hurts SO GOOD#val comes out of hiding#anon#ask#good omens#gos2#gos2spoilers#but really i can't emphasize enough how much ep6 got to me nonnie#my heart was literally racing for several days. couldn't get over it#getting into the analysis stuff of it all really helped tbh#like the how and why of the fight & kiss. the emotions & rationale & misunderstanding#i was sooooo angry at aziraphale at first reaction because 'i forgive u' SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP#but now after some time to think about it. it's a lot more complicated than that#and i do think aziraphale is making the only choice he could possibly be expected to make in that situation.#which is try to make things better PERMANENTLY by gaining influence over all of heaven#because crowley's right. earth will die whether it's heaven or hell who kills them all#but a&c can't defuse another armageddon by getting even less involved#anyway. ep6 damaged my psyche and i am currently always thinking about it
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one in a million when i watch smthing in the horror genre and don't end up disappointed to/and/or pissed off about it so like "also yeah i liked it. ooo" is like relative to that an off the charts rave review of media of the millennium. also i did think about mh a lot along the way so would recommend its affect/effect if you like mh's horror too
#i didn't realize at first that's the director/creator tim's qrting. thought a rando went ''i love mh'' & he went ''& i love smthing else''#saw this a few weeks ago while also like writing or drawing or smthing like oh good plot's beside the point? b/c i'm splitting this focus#even checking in w/recaps was both like oh ok i missed that / didn't realize xyz could be a Thread or something but each of the like three#or four recaps i went over Also saw points differently in terms of even like; who was there or said what lmfao. or noting sm detail at all.#i went ''oh worm?'' at some early shot that may or may not have even gone mentioned by any of them. depending lol. doesn't matter#anyways we don't have time for tags media analysis except that i'll count this as: once again horror for children wins. even tho it's...#not rated? well anyways you know. probably generally not advisable for children as a direct audience lmao. however#like yes as per the premise as a child we've all experienced this [the media] anyways. perturbing summons dreams we've all had em#anyhow fr i'd even struggle to think of horror movies i'd say i mostly liked / would or did rewatch but still wasn't like. i disliked major#elements / choices to the point of being pissed off abt it. so many movies i can't be bothered to watch b/c i already know specifics like#i don't like or respect any of you people. or choices or elements or premises or executions or effects. not even interested fr like lord...#but often what has better odds are mediums that Aren't straightforwardly tv / film. like i'd compare mh to a series of several movies and#that's also imo largely a more apt categorization than saying it's an ARG or smthing but anyways like i'd recommend it to someone sure....#rare to be like yeah a movie was enjoyable. & if you already liked mh then that's a useful reference point here#which like usually i'd use mh as a categorical tag but idk i guess actually it's actively popular nowadays lmfao i really don't know#posting is already exhausting like whew but this one's for whosoever happens to follow me i guess#which is possible? nonzero ppl arrived for mh but unlikely lmfao. but also ppl see it on their own anyways coincidentally.#and you never know who observes the posts like hell yeah for an anon enjoying niche akd theatreposting who is to me ambiently out there#really odd the other day seeing an mh reblog like ''??? huh. i made that eons ago; then'' & people in the tags talking abt some repost like#on the one hand that Original Source post is two layers of deactivated blogs so a repost could be archival. but if they don't say as much#i.e. that it's even from a different source then that's not exactly it then is it. but also that even finding an original document For OP#is like. oh yeah that's me actually. but then knowing & technically saying as much doesn't / didn't actually affect me as that op lol#just kind of archival on both ends then. vs someone else in the tags saying they saw it on fb 9 yrs ago? definitely didn't post it there#my true op experience: keeping it nicheposting & just kind of saying sm shit & maybe some people are out there nodding thoughtfully#oh also in case fyi. that's tim as in actor playing [also tim] in mh. & did some writing for mh & other such behind the scenes efforts also#every time i look at the text in this post i notice a new typo of mine. get it tgoether (organic typo there. so; lol)
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