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#might be the funniest moment in any game ever and its played so straight
orb0 · 6 months
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where the fuck did he get the gun
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dememetor · 3 years
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HEY HEY HEY
I love your writing, can I please get jealous hcs for anyone? Please include suna thi he's my latest brainrot hAHA
hi, thanks for the request! and suna brainrot?? bitch me too the fuck. anyways, hope you enjoy~
(also sorry this is kinda late, i've rewritten iwaizumi and bokuto ones a million times)
Haikyuu boys when they're jealous
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characters suna rintarou, kuroo tetsurou, iwaizumi hajime, bokuto koutarou, kenma kozume
warnings none but i'm probably gonna say fuck at some point
Suna Rintarou
he tries to be chill about it, he does
it hurts his ego to be this clingy but god
he can't help but to feel that sour sting of jealousy when he sees another guy approaching you
at first will only take a quick glance from afar, just to check if the guy is bothering you, and then promises himself to stay out of your business
well he doesn't
once he decides the guy has lost talking-to-y/n-alone privilege, he will nonchalantly make his way towards you, one hand in his pocket, other sneaking its way to your shoulder, resting his elbow and giving the poor boy a menacing look
he can be pretty intimidating too with that eyeliner and all
(but that look only works on people that don't know him well, he tried it on atsumu once and the latter just laughed in his face)
not the type to be openly jealous but when he sees someone blatantly flirting with you he will start to give you the Glance
blinks slowly (you know, like that one blonde haired guy gif) and looks at you through raised eyebrows as if to say hey babe, i love you and i trust you. what the fuck tho
and when the guy starts being borderline creepy he'll appear between you - and i mean literally will inject himself between you two and strike a conversation with you as if nothing weird happened
they usually get the hint, but this one guy tried to go around him, still rambling about whatever and suna literally turned on his heel and said "come again?" with such unrivaled coldness, his eyes exuding just sheer fucking spite
but like i said, unless the other guy is asking for it, he's not the type to start a direct confrontation
will take you by the hand and leave without much thought because he simply doesn't have the time for that shit
he might seem grumpy afterwards but a couple of soft kisses usually do the trick
soft kisses which are followed by a breathless make out session with you on his kitchen counter because he still wants you to know you're only his
Kuroo Tetsurou
this little bitch
never gets jealous
and i mean never
once pretended he was jealous just to make you feel better (??? his logic? unparalleled) but once you found out you beat his ass
loves it when you get jealous though (he thinks it's cute)
sometimes he does get insecure, but he shows it in an unusual way
like if you've been talking to someone, smiling at your phone for a while he'll just get up and randomly do a couple puhs-ups, start flexing his muscles and shit
all while you're looking at him like,,
"babe, what are you doing"
"oh i didn't think you'd notice me there. since you're on your damn phone all day"
"...are you my mom?"
nah he'll be fine (will steal your phone though)
also it's the funniest thing when he sees someone trying to flirt with you
he will literally walk over there, introduce himself (not mentioning he's your boyfriend) and act really interested in the conversation
he plays this game where he tries to see how long will it take the guy to realise you two are together (longest time: 24 minutes, record holder: yahaba shigeru)
whenever the guy asks you something he will interrupt you and answer for himself as if the guy were flirting with him
"so, like what do you do in your free time?"
"not mu-"
"oh i love taking long walks on the beach, especially during sunsets. i really think it is healthy for the mind and the soul, not to mention quite romantic too. don't you too love sunsets, kevin?"
at one point kevin will have had enough of it
"i was talking to y/n alone here"
"aw don't worry, you're not bothering me"
he is such a pain in the ass
why can't he just be normal
Iwaizumi Hajime
rational, mature, i love him
seriously, he is the bestest boy and he will treat you so well because he trusts you and respects your friendship with other guys as well
but on those rare occasions when he does get jealous,, oh boy
first of all, the PDA skyrockets, he has to have his arm around you at all times - around your shoulder? on your waist? in your backpocket? his hand's been there done that
not in any way possesive but will be really annoying unless you give him your full undivided attention that day
he lets himself be selfish a bit, after all he is your boyfriend he can have you all to himself for a day, right?
jealous sex with him? better prepare a wheelchair cause you want be able to walk straight tomorrow
sees a boy trying to flirt with you? tries not to make a scene but absolutely will throw the first punch if he needs to
one day he was having a particularly rough time at practice and all he wanted to do was lose himself in your arms and fall asleep to the feeling your fingertips tangled in his hair
and then he saw this?? guy? (the audacity!) laughing with you after telling some dumb joke and let me tell you - iwaizumi wasn't having any of it
he came up to you from behind, wrapped his arms around your waist and planted a small kiss on the crook of your neck
"when are we going home, love?"
and he gives him the calmest yet most fear inducing stare from behind you
and suddenly the pattern on poor boy's pants starts to look awful lot like piss stain
it is actually kinda hot how one single look from him can cause such a reaction
"he was just asking about english homework babe"
"yeah that's what they all say"
Bokuto Koutarou
gets jealous so so easily
it is actually fascinating
will get mad at otome games
"what does jumin han have that i don't???"
god forbid you pay attention to your pet more than him (btw you have a golden retriever and his name is bean)
you're sitting on the couch cuddling with your dog, scratching his ears, ruffling his fur and all that, and there he is, your clingy boyfriend, snuggling right next to you, demanding you play with his hair too
so dramatic
"you smiled at him... the way you used to smile at me..."
"bokuto, he's a dog"
the only guy he trusts 100% to be around you is akaashi, even kuroo is on thin ice
but him and akaashi are something else, one time you three had a sleepover and you felt like you were the third wheel
will act like a tough serious boyfriend in front of others, especially your other guy friends but in reality will look for affection immediately after
oh while we're at it - jealous bokuto kisses? are the best kisses
will also force you to wear one of his shirts for the rest of the day
my poor man is so touch starved so when he feels insecure or jealous he will look for comfort in things like holding your hand, nuzzling your neck or giving forehead kisses
but later that day, when you two are sitting on the couch cuddling he will quietly ask you something along the lines of "you still think i'm pretty, right?"
you can feel him all over you - his hands are creeping down your waist, he's pulling you in, deepening the kiss until all you can see, think and feel is him
he wants to show you exactly how much he wants you and what you were missing out on while you weren't paying attention to him
and it shocks you for a moment because you didn't realise just how much that one short moment of jealousy actually stayed with him
you have to reassure him he's the most beautiful boy you have ever met, and not only that, but also the funniest and the most caring person as well, and that you would never leave his side no matter what happened
and as much as he loves getting praised he always gets embarrassed, so he just smiles in return, but he is also happy to know you're there for him and you don't think he is too much
Kenma Kozume
it depends on his mood honestly
sometimes he doesn't mind it even if the other guy is flirting with you and sometimes will get pissy if you smile at the cashier
but when this boy gets really jealous oh my GOD
he is just like bokuto if not worse; he just hides it so well
one time you went grocery shopping with him and spent the entire time texting your friend who had just told you she was visiting your city
and he got so offended
you didn't even notice it until later that day when you came home and he suddenly refused to cuddle with you
silent treatment
lifts his nose and ignores you, only giving you dirty side glances from under the eye
such a massive sense of pride in those 170 cm even oikawa would be impressed
in my country there's a saying "it's in the smallest bottle that the poison lies" and honestly? yeah
at some point you realise why he's acting like that and you start teasing him
"i am not jealous i am just mildly irritated" is the only thing he deems necessary to say before going back to being unnecessarily pissed
he reminds you of an angry cat
it's kind of amusing seeing him like this but you were also getting real tired of his shit
don't even try bribing him (you tried buying him over with a ps5 but he just looked at you unimpressed, disgusted that you think so low of him)
the only thing he will accept is a sincere apology
if it's sincere or not is up to him to decide, obviously
which can lead to quite some bickering
will try to get you to beg but please have dignity, if you do it once he will make you do it every time
yeah generally a lttle shit but his kisses after making up are just as eager as yours so
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makeste · 4 years
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BnHA Chapter 287: Family Reunion
Previously on BnHA: The Tomura For One VS Deku And Pals clusterfuck reached new levels of clustfuckery as AFO possessed Tomura’s body and stabbed Kacchan and Endeavor. Shouto was all “good thing I leveled up offscreen so as to be able to fly around whilst carrying 400lbs worth of people”, and did just that and it was like, damn, son. Meanwhile Deku’s rage went Mach 100, and he kicked Tomura’s ass for almost two whole seconds, but in the process he apparently forgot that IF TOMURA TOUCHES HIM THAT IS VERY BAD, and so he stupidly let Tomura touch him and Tomura was all “GAME, SET.” Fortunately for Deku, his quirk plays by its own rules, and so the chapter ended with us cutting to the METAPHYSICAL OFA/AFO PARANORMAL DREAMSCAPE OF MYSTICAL BULLSHIT, where AFO!Vestige was all “lol Tomura y u mad”, and Nana!Vestige was all “SUP DEKU, YOU’RE JUST IN TIME, LOOKS LIKE IT’S ASSKICKING O’CLOCK.” I’m paraphrasing a bit, but that’s more or less the gist of it.
Today on BnHA: AFO is all “well if it isn’t Tomura’s grandmother who I murdered that one time”, and Deku is all “?”, and AFO is all “fucking vestiges, man, wild”, and Deku is all “??”, and AFO is all “ANYWAYS GETTIM TOMURA”, and OFA is all “NOT SO FAST”, and Deku is all “???”, and really, same. AFO then goes off on some wild tangent about how Deku is unworthy because he couldn’t protect everyone and needed help from OFA and got mad about his friends being stabbed, which is such a cold take it gave me hypothermia, but it ends up not mattering since Deku and Tomura both wake up seconds later with OFA still in the possession of its rightful owner, HOW ABOUT THAT. The chapter ends with the LoV approaching on Gigantomachia’s back with Dabi practically salivating at the mouth, and Toga trying to reignite an old fandom blood feud. Toga why would you do this to me. Toga.
YESSSSSSSSSSSSS
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[CROWD LOSING THEIR MINDS] FINALLY THE NANA HAS COME BACK TO BNHA!! IF YA SMELLLLL WHAT THE NANA IS COOKIN!!!!! [RINGSIDE BELL CHIMING WILDLY] [LOUD AIRHORN NOISES]
“chapter 287: mistake” omg. yeah I’ll say you made a mistake, AFO. I HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE FLEETING LAST MOMENTS OF YOUR SHITTY EVIL LIFE
(ETA: so in all seriousness this must be referring to AFO’s belief that All Might/OFA made a mistake in choosing Deku, right? “I can’t believe you went and chose this shounen manga protagonist as your champion, what were you thinking.” I’ll just put this out there: however many comic books AFO read as a child, it clearly was not enough.)
wow Deku how slow are you
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yes you’re inside OFA you dimbulb, did you think your clothes suddenly vanished out of the blue and the ghost of Nana just randomly appeared in the real world by some freak coincidence?? can you believe this kid. breaks his arms a measly 10-15 times in a row and all of a sudden he can’t think straight, get it together Deku
but also brb having a moment at the fact that his thoughts immediately run back to Kacchan, even with all of this nonsense going on and Nana about to lay the beatdown on AFO’s potato-lookin’ ass. forget that noise, all he wants to know is whether or not Kacchan is all right. fuckin’ geez. AM I OVERREACTING HERE A BIT. probably
(ETA: ALSO!! the way he just trails off!! “Kacchan is...” and then he can’t bring himself to complete the thought. oh my god my heart.)
HOLY SHIT
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okay,
damn but this man sure knows how to ruffle my feathers. as eminently detestable as ever!!
could it be any clearer here that AFO is not on Tomura’s side?? for a moment I thought he had actually grabbed him by the back of the head in order to get him to look. but nope, he’s just resting his pointing hand on top of his head instead while he’s all “HEY TOMURA LOL IT’S THE GHOST OF YOUR DEAD PATHETIC GRANDMA”
for those keeping track at home, this would be the first time that Deku has heard this information -- that Tomura is Nana’s grandson -- and possibly the first time Vestige!Nana has heard it as well. Nana died when Kotarou was still a child, so for all we know the Vestige!Nana didn’t even know she had a grandson, lol. TODAY ON “MAKESTE RANTS AT LENGTH ABOUT THINGS THAT WILL PROBABLY BE ADDRESSED WITHIN THE NEXT THREE PANELS”, anyway moving on
lmao for the record I fucking LOLed at this giant question mark immediately bubbling up over Deku’s head
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no idea what AFO is about to ramble on about now, haven’t read that far yet. but let the record show that Deku’s immediate reaction to hearing “BTW NANA IS YOUR ARCHNEMESIS’S GRANDMA LULZ” is everything I could have hoped for
(ETA: fandom nailed the shit out of this one with the confused Mr. Krabs meme lmao.)
okay so now AFO is monologuing at length about how he would sometimes have “riveting dreams” about the previous owners of all the quirks he stole. but once he gave the quirks away they stopped bothering him?? holy moly let me just take all the notes
okay so he’s saying that Vestiges are created whenever someone has their quirk stolen by AFO. but if they then disappear when he gives the quirks away, does that also mean that whoever receives the quirks also gets the original owner’s Vestige bundled in every time?? that would be wild okay hold up let me read the rest of this
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so he’s saying that the Vestiges are actually the “consciousnesses” of the original quirk owners, which have become embedded in their dna or something. SOUNDS INCREDIBLY DUBIOUS TO ME LOL but on the other hand this is a world where children can be born with airplane heads, so my disbelief can hardly afford to pick and choose what it’s gonna be suspended at! anyways though, how does he know he’s the only one who was able to converse with them? did you conduct detailed six-month follow-up interviews with everyone you gave quirks to or what
and if it really is the case that this ability was formerly exclusive to him, isn’t that more evidence than ever that OFA and AFO are actually THE EXACT SAME QUIRK oh whoops am I getting ahead of myself again, sorry
MEANWHILE TOMURA IS ALL, “GRANDMA?”
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“WHY AM I HERE, WELL LET ME TELL YOU A STORY, GRANDSON. YOU SEE THAT MAN GROWING OUT OF YOUR RIBCAGE THERE? WELL IT’S JUST THE FUNNIEST THING, ACTUALLY”
WAIT SO IS HE SAYING THEY’RE SOULS OR NOT??
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this makes it sound like they won’t ever get to rest, which sure sounds like a soul thing to me. well whatever, soul, consciousness, I guess it’s just semantics at the end of the day
anyways though, so this asshole is finally done talking (I’m sure that won’t last), so now we can finally have the heartwarming reunion we’ve all been waiting for
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sigh
-- actually, no, not “sigh”!! you know what!! because Tomura says “whatever the reason”, but that’s only because he doesn’t actually have a fucking clue about the reason. like, I don’t know if the knowledge that AFO killed Nana would be enough to give him pause, but if he knew the whole story and knew that AFO was behind not only Nana’s death, but the rest of his family’s deaths as well... now that would be a whole different thing
anyway. but at least it’s becoming clearer now why AFO spent all that time raising Tomura up as his heir and brainwashing him even though he seems to have been planning this body takeover the whole time. it’s all because he loves making people miserable! yaaaaay
btw HAS NANA HAD THE EXACT SAME MOLE ON HER CHIN AS TOMURA THIS ENTIRE TIME WTF. am I just the least observant person who ever lived lmao
lol wtf
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ground: [randomly starts exploding]
Deku: “ONE FOR ALL IS BEING ERODED!!!” LOL IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING HERE, OKAY THEN. I’ll take your word for it
y’all I cannot fucking get over this “AFO growing out of Tomura’s hip socket like a fucked-up ventriloquist dummy” shit though
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you do realize that absolutely no one can take you seriously right now, right?? it’s important to me that you know this
WHAT’S THIS NOW
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seems like SOMEONE has had it up to here with a certain SOMEONE ELSE’S bullshit lmaooo bye Felicia
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I SAID GOOD DAY!!
you guys why is he not dying!!
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-- OH DAMN
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love how Deku is just lying there like “YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS WHERE YOU’RE LIKE, THIS MIGHT AS WELL HAPPEN.” poor Deku
(ETA: where in god’s name is OFA Prime standing. why are my thoughts fully consumed by this lmao.)
are Nana and OFA Prime even doing anything?? why are they sticking their arms out like that. wait hold up is this all a big metaphor for the back-and-forth going on between Tomura trying to steal OFA and OFA being all “actually no you can’t, please enter your password and click on all the boxes with bicycles in them to prove you’re a human first”?
OH SNAP OFA PRIME SAID NO THANKS
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“SORRY BRO WE’VE ALREADY MADE OURSELVES AT HOME HERE”
I have only just noticed that metaphysical!Deku has the same scars as actual!Deku. and yet his arms are not currently broken! that doesn’t really seem consistent to me but whatever!! maybe he saved right before the boss battle, that would be smart of him
anyway, that’s great and all that OFA Prime is here helping out, but I really wanted to see Nana fight AFO in a one on one though so I’m a bit disappointed. also why is it only the two of them?? where are Banjou and the others. of all the times to be sleeping on the job
FOR FUCK’S SAKE, THIS MAN
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WOULD YOU STOP. WOULD YOU JUST QUIT IT ALREADY
oh shit hold up
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doesn’t this confirm that the reason he wanted to transfer his power to Tomura is because he believed it would make him strong enough to finally take OFA because of Quirk Singularity? jesus christ. and here he was so sure of himself. but it turns out he doesn’t actually know shit! you can’t just fucking take OFA like that ya dingdong that’s not how it works
(ETA: SO, A THOUGHT -- is there any sort of subtle hinting here in the way that he words this? “if your strength is combined with mine”, as opposed to “if my strength is combined with yours”? no idea if the admittedly-so-small-as-to-be-almost-inconsequential distinction between those two sentences exists in the original Japanese or not, but I find it very interesting that the English wording implies that he’s the one adding Tomura’s strength to his own, rather than vice versa.)
now he’s insulting Deku!!
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excuse me sir WHO ASKED YOU anyway. and never mind that being consumed by an, AND I QUOTE, “unquenchable” rage is your protege’s whole THING, and that he also needed your help to avoid being burned to a crisp a short while ago. where do you get off I swear
(ETA: also just want to point out that in the panel before this one he says that he’s been “watching through Tomura”, which pretty much confirms that his consciousness or whatever is alive inside of him all the time. Tomura is definitely not getting rid of this guy any time soon.)
WOW
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first he calls Kacchan useless, then he calls Deku a simpleton, and don’t even get me started with Nana. just, you guys. this man is just... a very, very rude man
NOW OFA IS ALL “THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT MAKES HIM SUCH A GOOD PROTAGNIST YOU BUTTMUNCH” AND OMG PREACH
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“DESPITE HIS COMMON SENSE” sdfkllk my man he already has one brother roasting him, take it easy guy
AHH WHAT
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IS THIS BACK IN THE REAL WORLD
YEP
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hahaha nice try Tomura
so Deku’s all “I didn’t lose my power! BUT” and I assume the “but” is the part where his arms are still broken and shit, and meanwhile Tomura’s body is almost healed up now finally
they’re both wiped out and now AFO is again petitioning Tomura to let him take over goddammit
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“you won’t lose your mind” yep, he sure won’t! scout’s honor!! pinky swear!!
meanwhile Deku is getting fucking desperate flkjl;k my baby. and Machia is going to show up any second now too, probably. what else can fucking go wrong at this point
oh shit I shouldn’t have asked
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get ready to rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrruuuumble, probably
OH MY GOD
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WELL AT LEAST SOMEONE HERE IS HAVING A GOOD TIME. jesus
so as soon as he heard Endeavor was there he got all, “TIME FOR THE BIG REVEAL”, is that right? WELL JOKE’S ON YOU TOUYA, YOUR DAD DOESN’T SEEM ALL THAT CONSCIOUS AT THE MOMENT, SO THAT’S GOING TO DRAIN A LOT OF THE TENSION FROM THE SCENE WHEN YOU GO ALL REVERSE DARTH VADER ON HIM AND HE’S ALL “ZZZZZZZZ”
meanwhile Toga is having unsettlingly quiet angst
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jesus christ Toga this is all we need right now
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“WAS JIN-KUN NOT A PERSON” sdkfjlk Horikoshi I swear. please have mercy on this fandom. this is the debate that refuses to die!!
but seriously ffs, the issue isn’t that Jin deserved to die, it’s that the countless people whom Jin would have either directly or indirectly killed didn’t deserve to die either. people don’t only become people when you attach names and faces to them! we all loved Jin because we’d gotten to know him, but that doesn’t mean his life was inherently worth more than the lives of all the people he would have killed. sometimes there’s just no good answer
like, it’s just crazy to me that because the heroes are all “we want to protect everyone!” but then aren’t always able to do so because that’s literally impossible, whereas the villains are all “we don’t care about anyone other than the select few people that we actually like!”, the villains somehow wind up getting the better PR. it just so happens that it’s infinitely easier to be loyal to the interests of a few people as opposed to ALL THE PEOPLE. like, no shit, it’s easier to stick to your moral code when you barely have a moral code. and so the villains can kill thousands and no one bats an eye, but if a hero fails to save even one person they’re hypocritical moral failures. like what the hell
BUT ANYWAY, sorry to go off on a tangent there lol, it’s not really a big deal. I’m just preemptively trying to stave off more discourse about it lol but who am I even kidding
anyways lol, but of course they won’t kill you unless they have no choice, Toga. but when it comes to catch-22 situations, it’s a bit much to infer that the heroes don’t consider the villains people just because they opt for the choice that spares more innocent lives. I sure as hell don’t want my babies out here killing people, but to say that they can’t no matter what or else they’re no different from the villains is just...
anyway so the chapter has now just ENDED, just like that!! on a shot of Ochako’s face!
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I SENSE ANOTHER THROWDOWN COMING. and it had better not be a total letdown like the last one! NANA BARELY DID ANYTHING HORIKOSHI, WHAT THE FUCK. I started out with such high hopes lol
but I will settle for Toga VS Ochako, and Deku VS Tomura: The Sequel: Shouto’s Revenge! SPEAKING OF HEROES WHO HAVE NO QUALMS ABOUT MURDERING PEOPLE lmao
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quillsareswords · 4 years
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could u do a damian wayne x reader where the reader is a titan and damian and her are friends and where the reader has a really crooked smile and crooked teeth and damian just adores it but the reader hates it because everyone makes jokes about it even though they’re just kidding she’s just really insecure like maybe a fellow titan makes a joke about it and damian defends her
Thank you for requesting! This is written by someone who two snagle teeth that sit more like tusks that I despise, so I get where we're coming from here 😔
Prompt List • Masterlist (in bio)
He's always liked your smile. Yeah, it's lopsided and looks more like something torn straight from an evil swamp witch in a storybook, but he adores it.
He loves it because it's yours. Trademark yours. Nobody in the world has a smile exactly like yours. He loves it because it means you're happy. It isn't something torn from a billboard and slapped across someone's face—it's your happiness, in all its realistic and lifelike glory. Nothing any orthodontist can recreate.
He remembers when you first joined the Titans. Barely two weeks after he did, himself. You'd smiled broadly back then, laughing openly at his quips and jokes too dark for you to repeat.
After so long spent around rich people with perfect teeth and catered smiles, your crooked grin stole his heart right out from under him. He hadn't noticed at first, when his heart toppled into your hands: he was too busy admiring your mouth and wondering what'd it could feel like against his.
It took a long time for him to come to terms with his feelings for you. Years, actually. But even while he was trying desperately to suppress an emotional attachment that ran much deeper that just your smile, he couldn't deny himself the pleasure of seeing it. He continued hissing comments in the middle of meetings and pinpointing the things you thought were funniest, cutes, sweetest. Anything to earn a smile.
Unfortunately, he suspects not everybody felt the same glimmering warmth that came with your smile. At the years dragged on, your grin shrank. It was gradual at first, fewer and farther between, until one day they stopped altogether. No more teeth peeking out between the break in your lips. You still smiled plenty, at all his jokes and barbed comebacks, but never showing any teeth. Close-lipped smiles only. When you laughed, it was with a hand or wrist over your mouth. No teeth.
It was late, the night he asked about it. You were sixteen, and he'd given up on shoving away emotions. He still refused to admit anything to you, but he'd allow himself to call you a close friend—one of his two best friends (not that he'd ever said that to your face). It was in San Francisco, and you were laying beside him on the roof of Titan Tower.
You were chuckling still chuckling about watching Beat Boy spurt fruit punch put of his nose when Raven kissed his cheek on a dare (your dare, simply because you wanted to see how hard you could get her to blush).
He was staring up at what stars could be seen through the city's light pollution. He was smiling and listening, but he was only really paying you half his attention. He was thinking about the pictures you'd been in throughout the night, the close-lipped smiles, the hands covering your laughter. That one time you covered your mouth again because you couldn't help grinning at him from across the room as he deadpanned, listening to Dick drawl on about celebrating the successful mission you'd all completed the night before.
He let's your chuckling die down before he rolls his face toward you. "Can I ask you something?"
You look his way, an uncovered, tooth-flashing smile still settled across your mouth, though it starts to fade at the seriousness in his tone.
You still smile for him. Just him.
"Why do you cover your mouth when you laugh?"
Your smile becomes lopsided. You aren't totally sure how to react, and it's written across your face, despite trying to play it off. "What?"
"When you laugh, you cover your mouth with your hand," he reiterates. "And you don't smile around people like you used to."
Your smile droops again. You turn away, to face the stars again. "I dunno. I just do."
He knows there's something else, but he's learned to recognize when you don't want to talk about something. He wants to press you, he wants to figure out what the problem is so he can fix it. Hedyfix all your problems, if he could.
He shoves the thought away before it advances on as to why. "How many Titans can pass out in one room?"
You recognize the tone he uses specifically for a joke. You're already starting to smile. "I dunno, how many?"
"Let's go back inside and find out."
It's a good week afterward that he finally gets his answers. You're sandwiched between him and Raven, focused more on the movie than Beast Boy trying to get Cyborg to spit out his mouth full of water. Some bet they'd made, you've gathered. Why they'd chosen a horror movie is beyond you.
Damian's got more out of you that Garfield has gotten out of his target so far, and it's already halfway through the movie. Raven even giggled at the few she overheard.
It's all fun and games, until Garfield looks up at the screen, and barks out a laugh from the other side of Raven. "Look, it's (Y/N)!"
He's referring to the clown on the screen. The original Pennywise. With rotten, crooked teeth and a chilling grin that probably made kids cry.
Damian rolls his eyes and scoffs. He turns toward you to snicker something about Gar projecting his own issues, but stops cold when he sees the look on your face.
Your eyes are still on the movie, but they're unfocused and your face is twisted with hurt. You try to wipe the expression away when you realize he's looking.
Oh. That's the problem. He should have guessed. Suppose he was too caught up in his own opinion to really consider what any ignorant rodent might think or say about you.
Cyborg groans something, completely unintelligible with a mouthful of water, but it sounds like it was supposed to be scolding. Raven doesn't seem to have heard it.
There are tears in your eyes when you absently scratch the side of your arm and stand up. "I'll be back," you brush off with a forced half smile that's meant to look playful, but comes off pained. You make for the kitchen too quickly to be subtle.
Damian watches you go, but his attention hones on Garfield the moment your out of sight. The green boy is still staring questioningly at Cy's glare when Damian whacks him with the remote.
He swears, reaching up to rub where the hard plastic made contact, turning to tell Damian off and to make him pick up the batteries that came flying out, but Damian's on him first.
"Looks like (L/N), does it?" he growls, jerking his head toward the paused imagine. "Are you always this idiotic or just an asshole?"
Damian watches the confusion turn to pained understanding as he looks between Pennywise and a very angry ex-assassin.
Cyborg spits his water back into the cup on the table. "Dude, come on. That was such a dick thing to say..."
Damian doesn't sit around for the rest. He shoulders the kitchen door open with an empty glass in hand.
You're staring into the yellow light of the microwave, listening to popcorn kernels pop, with your back to him and tour hands braced against the counter.
He hesitates by the door, steps forward suddenly slow and unsure. He glances the sink, remembers the glass, and makes for the faucet. He doesn't want to make it terribly obvious that he knows you're upset, for fear of upsetting you further.
"You shouldn't stand in front of the microwave like that," he grumbles, twisting on the cold water. "Radiation, and all that."
You don't reply. Forty five seconds left on the timer.
He sighs. He pulls his glass from the sink and switches off the water. He leaves the half-full dish on the counter.
You feel his hand on your shoulder without hearing him move. Your head jerks toward him reflexively, but you're quick to turn back to the microwave.
Not quick enough to hide unshed tears and red rimmed eyes.
His hand slides down to your shoulder blade. "Hey. Look at me."
"I'm fine," you mumble, shaking your head dismissively. "I'll be back in a second, just wanted–"
"(Y/N)." His voice is soft in your ears, softer still on an emotional wound. "Look at me."
You release a deep breath, steeling yourself as best you can. His hand is warm on your back, and all you can think about is how badly you want to be held by him. You drop one hand from the counter and turn.
His hand glides with your movement, resting now on your arm. "It was a stupid joke. He's going to apologize. He didn't mean it."
You consider faking another smile and brushing it all off, but you can't seem to bring yourself to do it. Instead, you take a new interest in his shoes. "He wasn't wrong."
"He was." There's enough conviction in his voice to draw your eyes back to his. "He's said enough dumb things to convince mute man glad to be, but that was possibly one of the stupidest."
You chuckle, despite yourself. "That's an awful joke to make," you scold. Still the corners of your lips are tilting upward.
"I know," he admits. "But I'll tell an even worse one if it means you'll smile for me."
Your face falls slack. Eyes wide, surprised.
His free hand finds your other arm. "You have the happiest smile I've ever seen, (Y/N). You don't have to look like a orthodontic aligners commercial to have the prettiest smile in any room. And if anyone tells you otherwise, I'll knock their incisors out."
You've got tears in your eyes again, but your wobbling bottom lip is still tilling toward the ceiling. You sniffle once, shuffling forward just enough to wrap he your arms around him.
His arms come up around you like they've been waiting his whole life for you. And the way you fit against him so perfectly, he wonders if they have.
You bury your face in his shoulder. "Thank you," you mumble against his shirt. "Nobody's ever said that about my smile before."
"No one?" He sounds genuinely surprised, and your body gently shakes hon his arms and you chuckle again.
You pull away slowly, but you can't convince yourself to step away just yet. He doesn't seem to mind, arms still so secure around you. "No. But I shouldn't be surprised," you smile again, wider, "considering you're the only person I've never felt so self conscious around."
He smiles right back. "Good. I couldn't stand it if you tried to hide from me like you do everyone else."
Your teeth disappear again, but it's not behind tight lips and self conscious dread. It's something soft, made solely for him. "No. I don't think I could hide it from you if I tried."
He doesn't remember who moved first. If it was your hands on his cheeks or his arms around your waist, or who leaned and who met them halfway. All he does remember is how many times he imagined tour lips against his, and how many times he'd guessed it all right.
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zuzuslastbraincell · 4 years
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mai & the rest of the gaang:
mai & aang: a bit awkward, at first? not on aang's end of course, he's totally unflustered and in fact quite keen to get to know zuko's girlfriend and I actually think mai doesn't know what to do with this attitude, given she spent six months or so trying to hunt him down, and that's very present in her mind. hanging out with aang is a very pleasant culture shock in how he casually diaregards half the norms she was raised to strictly follow, speaking with warm enthusiasm and genuine curiosity to all, be they dish washers or tea servers or the Fire Lord's girlfriend, disregarding barriers of social class that are so carefully upheld in the Fire Nation. It's refreshing as it is bewildering. I think mai does develop a fondness for aang - although she can find him and his antics a bit much at times - and deeply respects and cares for him if only for how valued his friendship with zuko is. she claims to tolerate his goofy antics but she enjoys them far more than she lets on (his flying marble trick does elicit a rare smile, although it only appears for 0.02 seconds before returning to the most deadpan expression). I think mai respects him most politically actually - aang grows up to be an excellent diplomat, an excellent mediator who does not lose sight of the importance of various different perspectives, especially those who are forgotten or maligned, even when in circles of power.
mai & sokka: as discussed, they have a rocky start. sokka, my darling beloved sokka, has a tendency to be a bit abrasive, if we're honest, in that his humour and his puns are a little in-your-face, he has a bit of an ego aboht being the funniest/smartest person in the room, and he can take it personally when people don't like it. mai doesn't have much time for that. mai doesn't care much for sokka's jokes if only because they're attached to this ego, but also and finds the puns a bit flat (whereas she finds aang's mischief making genuinely funny, though she tries to hide it), and sokka takes this deeply personally and tries really hard to elicit a laugh from her. this just ends up with him aggravating her more. I think mai has little time for sensitive male ego games and that's partially why her and sokka clash- she won't blunt herself for him, even if he is one of zuko's closest friends. I think sokka, to his credit, doesn't dismiss her as a 'bitch' and keeps trying - in fact, the reason he comes on so strong is because he actually really wants her to like her - and i think that's because of boiling rock, and because of that alone sokka deeply respects mai on many levels (and was extremely surprised by how all that played out, and knows from that alone that mai is a layered and complex person who contains multitudes). I think what might cause mai to warm to him is politics - sokka's a pragmatist, who is skeptical of idealism without material backing and is refreshingly realistic for one of aang's friends. he keeps the fire nation on its toes at the negotiating table but he's also the first to point out when a potential proposition - when anyone's potential proposition - has more logical holes than a piece of honeycomb. i think mai appreciates that perspective. and i think they could slowly and gradually go from personality clashing to building this begrudging friendship where mai will never openly admit that she likes him, where sokka will still grate but in a way that becomes almost familiar and comfortable because of that, and where - especially in a situation where they have to work on a project together - they're a formidable team. a difficult friendship but eventually could be a dear one.
mai & katara: another personality clash that becomes a really fascinating friendship. katara wasn't there for boiling rock and is perhaps a bit cool towards mai even understanding what she did there, and the grounds where they most often meet is politics, and they largely are at odds there too. they're interesting parallels, in terms of role - both partners of powerful world leaders, but while mai positions herself as a vital support and power behind zuko's regime, furthering that goal, katara loathes to be associated with aang simply because of their romantic relationship, and does not envision their relationship to be a political one: aang and katara stand independent, but with shared values and goals (and perhaps katara simply does not understand why mai takes the position she does regarding politics and relationships). their actual political approach wildly differs, with katara being an impassioned idealist who is the most radical out of the gaang, whereas mai is a pragmatist - much more concerned about the feasibility of the radical ideas proposed and sees herself occupying the role of a much needed skeptic who asks 'okay, but how are we going to do this?' in a group of radicals. this does lead to some fierce clashes actually - some of katara's proposals appear outlandish to mai, and katara interprets this as fire nation indoctrination and ideological conditioning limiting her perspective (and honestly neither are completely wrong - mai can be on occasion perhaps too conservative and cynical and that is often because her upbringing has limited her scope, and katara sometimes isn't fully aware of how feasible her ideas are and leaves practical concerns to others). I think despite this they have such a deep respect for each other - and that's in part why their arguments are so impassioned, because they both fundamentally know the other comes from a good place. mai saved katara's brother's life at boiling rock, and katara saved mai's partner during the final agni kai - they have both proven to each other the extent of their commitment and cared for another they care about deeply. they're the biggest idealism vs. cynicism clash but honestly over time i think the respect only grows over time despite periods of hot and cold. I'd like to think if katara ever has relationship difficulties with aang, after her gran's, it's mai whose advice she might respect the most - after all, it's mai who understands what it's like to date someone who is a world leader, and mai absolutely believes in having firm, healthy boundaries and little tolerance for sufferring for men in relationships. I think given their positions they're often in dialogue and in conversation and end up building the most unexpected but also rock solid friendship. they *would* take a bullet for each other, i am sure of it.
mai & toph: i love these two. an incredible friendship. mai takes to toph the quickest out of aang's friends. it makes sense - toph comes from a similar class and upbringing as mai, albeit has taken a different life path and expresses herself completely differently, and i think while surprised and thrown at first by toph's bluntness, mai sees that and not only respects but honestly just loves how toph is a little crass, and doesn't hold decorum as the be all and end all. I think the age difference here actually makes a difference - mai very much sees toph as a younger peer (and eventually, much like zuko, a younger sibling), and while it can be sad to see someone from a younger generation express themselves freely in a way that mai feel she can't, i think her joy at seeing that takes precedence here over any mixed feelings. mai pretends not to be amused at toph's antics (but quietly delights at them) and absolutely is the person who will get the authorities that be in the fire nation to look away from whatever misdemeanours she's committing at any given time (indeed, mai as often been a partner in crime - actually, speaking of, she's been surprised before to see katara also partake with toph, and it was an ice-breaking moment for them, probably one engineered by toph). that said, mai absolutely does not patronise toph, gives it to her straight, will also tell toph when she's going too far or pushing the limit, something toph deeply respects and values. mai can see toph's wisdom and her strong intuitive understanding of how others feel, and admires that, as well as the kindness toph shows (i would not be surprised if mai looks at toph and wants to be a little more like her). I also think mai's sardonic and biting sense of humour is best appreciated by toph out of aang's friends (sokka also finds it very funny, but sokka is also trying hard to get mai to like him, as aforementioned). mai and toph vibe together *so hard* and *so well* (something i think zuko is quietly deeply grateful for, since mai hasn't clicked as well with the rest of the gaang, but also because he views toph like a little sister too).
mai & suki: right! so this one is complicated. mai does not see suki as often as the rest of the gaang - she sees katara and aang often for political reasons, at summits and keets and so on, sokka keeps in touch often and is constantly sending letters, and toph will just turn up unannounced and will stay for several weeks to "relandscape" the fire nation gardens (so she claims) every year or so. I am sticking to show canon here but reject the comics canon - there is no way in hell suki ends up as a bodyguard for zuko, the kyoshi warriors have better things to be doing. so! while mai absolutely saved the teal at boiling rock and suki knows this, the fact that they see each other relatively little mean things are a bit... cool between them? Not quite cold, but there's a degree of awkwardness that mai works past with the others that takes longer with suki. I honestly don't know if suki knows how she should feel about mai? like ty lee not only helped at boiling rock but then went on to work with the warriors and suki very much sees someone who wants to prove herself and right those wrongs in ty lee (as well as someone who is running away but. that's another post). mai completed step 1 and 2 with boiling rock, but hasn't... done anything after that. and on paper they're cool and she knows it but... idk if she knows how to feel? it's a bit weird. a bit awkward and weird. it's possible suki holds more of a grudge than she's willing to admit (she's been most directly wronged by mai and ty lee after all) and the fact that mai has returned to the fire nation, and been, according to katara, disappointingly conservative at times, makes her question what boiling rock meant. suki is cordial and professional around mai but doesn't really know her that well and doesn't trust her as much as the others. mai doesn't particularly care either way and will take or leave friendship with suki (though mai, to be clear, does respect suki immensely as a warrior). the key factor here is ty lee, honestly. i think the two of them could have an excellent relationship if so inclined but it would apmost definitely be due to ty lee trying to prod them into getting along and hanging out and getting to know each other - because i think they're both practical minded, no-nonsense girls who are exceptionally skilled in martial arts and if nothing else they could bond theough sparring sessions, but i think they'd also just get along splendidly if they had the chance. suki just doesn't quite trust mai and mai making those personal amends isn't a priority when she's trying to stop zuko running the fire nation into the ground.
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Survey #367
“i should warn you that you may fuck me, but chances are i’m gonna fuck you over”
Where was the last place you went for vacation? The beach. When was the last time you wore makeup? Halloween. Do you watch soaps or drama series? If so, which ones? Not currently. What’s your favourite tomato variety? I hate tomatoes. What was your very first pet like? Dad had a dog named Trigger when I was born, but I have no memory of her, so I'm excluding her. I consider our first family pet to be Chance, a cat my mom took in after finding her literally in the trash. She was... god, incredible. She was a loyal friend, and I can imagine no greater mother than she was (she legit fought off a rottweiler head-on to protect her kittens). She was so smart, so gentle, and just simply amazing. I'll always miss her. What was the best school project you remember doing? Looking back, despite the fact it TERRIFIED me before, that would be my senior project presentation. It was about snake misconceptions and fallacies, so I made a slideshow to present to the special ed class. I made drawings for them to color, word searches, all that kind of stuff. They were just the sweetest and seemed really into it. What’s your favourite type of fish to eat? None. What kind of an old person do you think you’ll become? I really... don't like thinking about this. Like I'm weak enough now at 25, I can't imagine how my, say, 60s would be. I hope and just about pray that my physical health will improve, but I'm just going to exclude that part entirely from this answer. Personality-wise and such, I have a feeling I'll be the quiet and sweet kind, the one that loves her (hopeful) spouse like crazy, and comes most alive on Halloween if I live in a place where children come trick-or-treating. I imagine I would LOVE that. I'd love to be the type that goes on morning jogs to help stay spry. Which well-known person’s death shocked you the most, if any? Steve Irwin and Chester Bennington might be tied. Both were so, so sudden. Steve was like, invincible to my childhood eyes, and when I heard about Chester's death, I thought it was just a sick rumor. Two amazing people that died way too soon. What’s the craziest colour you’d dye your hair? That would depend on personal opinions. I want to dye my hair LOTS of colors though, if that tells you anything. What’s the coolest hobby one of your friends has? Uhhhh. Idk. Name a video game you can play over and over again: Shadow of the Colossus. It's a pretty short game if you know what you're doing, and it's super relaxing to me and just so goddamn pretty to look at. Every time I've played it has just been a pleasant experience. Do you like meatloaf? Yeah, it's fine. How about Meatloaf? I know who he is, but I've never really listened to his music. Do you take time to do charitable work? If so, what do you do? No. ;_; Especially with all the free time I have, I really should... What is something that will make you laugh instantly? Okay, don't ask, but if I for a SECOND see that commercial of Mr. Clean dancing while he's cleaning, I will die because of memories. What is something you hope you will never inherit from a specific relative? Diabetes. It runs heavily in my family. Name a movie you wouldn’t watch solely based on its name: The Human Centipede. No. Thank you. Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. What’s your dearest souvenir? The stuffed moose I got at Cabela's during a visit to Ohio. I named him Brownie, and he was my "childhood plushie" we all have. Is there a lot of graffiti around your neighbourhood? Not in the actual area I live in, but there are DEFINITELY places where it's a pigsty of distasteful shit. Have you ever made your own soda? (Soda Stream doesn’t count!) No. Do you have a hobby that forces you out of the house? If so, what is it? Nature photography. Have you ever been part of a theater group? No, that stuff doesn't interest me. What’s the most ecological thing you do? We recycle, and I also use metal straws. Would you stop eating meat, if you had to raise and slaughter it yourself? Absolutely. There is no fucking way I could do it. What’s your favourite board game? Why do you like it best? I like Clue just because of the mystery-solving factor, and I think it's kinda cool how you can think ahead and use other's findings to your own advantage to win the game pretty early. Besides English, what other languages can you speak? Some German. It's gotten pretty weak with neglect, though. Besides English, what other languages can you read? I can read German well. What thing/person/happening has made you the happiest you’ve been? This is a complicated answer that I just don't feel like elaborating on. What’s the most freeing thing you’ve ever done? Letting Jason go. Have you ever had a restaurant dish that was made with bugs? If not, would you even want to try one? No, and I'm not interested. Have you ever tasted birch sap? No. How about the young buds/shoots of spruce trees? No. Which edible flowers have you tasted? Honeysuckles. What has been your worst restaurant experience? Well, it's a fast food restaurant, but lemme tell you about my vegetarian encounter with Burger King. I ordered their veggie burger. Which they have. It's not a secret. These idiots gave me a bun with tomato and lettuce, and I think mayo on it, after sounding confused when Mom was ordering for me. Mom went back in there of course to tell them, and oh god was the manager pissed, lol. I got my veggie burger in the end. What’s the most immature, adolescent thing that still makes you laugh? Some sexually inappropriate jokes can still get me sadly, lol. Have you ever had a life-threatening condition? If so, what was it? Not literally, but boy do I think depression counts. Do you ever compare your life to somebody else’s? If so, why? Y E P. I can't tell you why, I just... do it. I look at other's successes and am just like, "Why aren't I there yet?", and beat myself up about being a failure. What is a food item or a dish you absolutely cannot stand? Brussel sprouts, asparagus, runny eggs, many other things because I'm just mega picky. Have you ever had a custom print done on a shirt? If so, what was it? Just the spray paint kind that vendors like to do at the beach and stuff. I don't remember any I got, though. What does your favourite mug look like? It's black with a Markiplier quote on it, given to me by Sara. :') Do you ever read other people’s survey answers? Yeah! Friends', anyway. I love learning all the obscure things about them. Do you like daytime or night time better? Why? Daytime, specifically early morning, because it's better for my depression. Are you more comfortable as a leader or a follower? A follower that isn't afraid to speak up when I'm really against something. What is your favourite song right now at this very moment? I've been really into "7empest" by Tool lately, and the synthwave edit of "Voices" by Motionless In White. If you watched The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, who was your favourite character? I don't remember it well, but I think I liked the butler. Was there even a butler? Who was your first online friend? Emma. :') Do you have any plants in your home? No. If you wear makeup, what’s the most outrageous colour you use? I only ever use black. What was the last photograph you took? My cat being adorable while sleeping. <3 Have you ever submitted a video to Funniest Home Videos? No. What was the first sport you learned how to play? I want to say soccer? I absolutely hated it. Do you have a headache at the moment? Yes, actually. I've really been attacked by the Covid shot side effects. Are your parents still together? No, thank god. What was the last hot food you ate? I made a chicken and I think pesto (some Italian noodles, idk) Healthy Choice bowl for dinner last night. Have you ever seen a meteor shower? No. :( Do you ever feel afraid people will question your sanity? I'm sure people have before, and back then? Rightfully so. Which X Factor audition(s) was/were your favorite? Never watched it. Were you a straight A student in spelling and grammar? Always. It's so weird how it's gotten worse with time since leaving school, even though I write... Were you a straight A student in math? Yeah, no. I usually got Bs or Cs. What is your favorite shade of yellow? Pastel. I don't really like yellow. What is something you want to accomplish before you turn 30? Have a stable job. Are you afraid of getting yelled at? YES. Do you feel a connection to the moon? It's not something I think about, so not really, but I do believe all things in the universe are connected in some way. We are simply a part of nature, as all else is. What does your heart long for? Contentment in who I am and where I am in life. I know I also miss being in love. Do you know what your purpose in life is? We have no innate purpose; we make our own, and I want mine to be to show others that there is always hope for yourself in yourself, and also to spread the message of love of all animals. Did you decorate a pumpkin this year? Last year I didn't. I really should change that this go around. Have you ever seen a fox? Yes! They're a kind of rare sight here sadly, so when I had the opportunity to photograph a fox tragically as roadkill, it was a photographic experience I won't forget. God, I wanted to pet it (I obviously didn't), but I did talk to it about how beautiful (s)he was as I got some shots. I never had a harder time leaving one of those angels I've taken pictures of. Do you find Halloween fun or scary? FUN!!!!!! Is there anything about Halloween you find offensive? Not at all. What do the trees look like where you live? I mean, there's a variety, but the staple that you see literally everywhere are pine trees. What is your dream vacation? Somewhere with mountains, clear lakes, cool weather, beautiful and various wildlife... What was the best vacation you’ve been on so far? Disney World as a kid. What is the best class trip you’ve been on? The zoo in the 5th grade. It was the one occasion I got to see meerkats. Did you like field trips when you were a kid? I lived for them. Do you find museums boring or interesting? I find science museums to be very, very fascinating. Art ones are great, too. What are three issues you are passionate about? LGBT rights, the pro-choice movement, and wildlife conservation, to name a few. Would you ever wear a shirt with your country’s flag on it? No. I'm not patriotic enough at all. What size is your bed? Queen. What’s a medicine that makes you sleepy? When we were experimenting with my Klonopin dosage, I learned that 3mg was enough to knock me on my ASS. Do you like bath bombs? I mean they're pretty, but I wouldn't waste money on 'em. Who are your favorite small YouTubers? Yikes, a looooooot. But this also depends on what you think qualifies as "small." Most of my favorite "small" YTers are tarantula keepers or sub-1M let's players. Who are your favorite big YouTubers? Markiplier obviously, Snake Discovery, Good Mythical Morning (even if I don't watch them anymore, they are veeery dear to my heart and I will always support them), Sam & Colby... Again, there's a lot. When you don't watch TV and YT instead, you really get attached to a lot of them. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Would you believe me if I said Pussycat Dolls? haha Do you like Disney movies? Um, DUH. Were you ever in the popular crowd? No. Have you ever used an outhouse? UGH, at like childhood sports games, yes. I could NEVER nowadays, oh my god. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I think I have the creativity to, but not the dedication. Are there any foods that make you gag? Beans, for one. I just canNOT with them. It's a completely involuntary reaction. Have you ever had blonde highlights in your hair? I think I did? Who was the last person you video-chatted with? The lady who was seeing if I qualified for TMS therapy. Do you think sleeve tattoos look trashy? Definitely not, I love those. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? I don't actually want one, but if I did, I'd go to a serious professional to get THE Darkiplier smile. :') If u know u know. Do you have any stickers on any of your electronic devices? No. Do you think half blonde/half dark brown hair is attractive? It looks great on some people, but it's not my favorite combo.
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guerilla935 · 4 years
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Modern Role Playing Games For People That Want To Get Into RPG‘s
You may have heard of a little game that’s come out recently called Final Fantasy VII Remake. There has been a lot of talk about this game having inspired a lot of people to play a game that they skipped back in the day or inspired them to pick up another RPG because they were so engaged in it. Final Fantasy VII Remake isn’t going to make it into this article because I haven’t had a chance to play it yet. But if you’ve always been curious about the RPG genre or maybe you have just finished Final Fantasy VII Remake and are hungry for more, I have a pretty good selection of RPG’s that could offer you the chance to get into a genre of games that maybe you hadn’t considered before. The games on the list are primarily “modern” and what I mean by that is the games will not be SNES era games but rather games that are probably more accessible and easier on the eyes. The games are (as always) limited to what I have had the chance to play. And the games that have been selected were chosen based on the following criteria: low complexity of combat, world building, leveling curve (lack of grinding), and visual appeal. Some of you may want to dive straight into the deep end and download some anime RPG on Steam or find a copy of Chrono Trigger or some certain PS1/NES era RPG and if you can do that then you are an absolute trooper but this post will focus on newer titles rather than the classics. Also if you want me to spotlight a game that you want to recommend put it in the notes because I love getting suggested games! And if you have any questions my messages are always open and I have all the free time to answer them. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way here are games that I recommend as good starting places if you want to get into RPG’s.
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Kingdom Hearts
(PS2/PS3/PS4/XBOne)
Kingdom Hearts is a cross over series that blended the worlds of Final Fantasy with Disney. What makes this game attractive to new players is the Disney half and what hooks them in is the Final Fantasy half. The game is easy to pick up and keeps you consistently engaged in enough story and new locations to keep you wanting more after the credits role. The combat is easy, only requiring a few buttons and allows the player to advance effortlessly without having to worry about their gear or level. The platforming sections help form a cohesive world that is small enough to allow its player to mentally map the whole game easily. The game still tosses around complex themes and sullen moments so it is still very viable to play for adults even though it may take you a good while to start seeing the fruits of that. This is an easy pickup for anyone that is thinking that just maybe they want to try a role playing game that tells a large story in a manageable amount of time that doesn’t require a huge amount of your brain power to get through.
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The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
(PC/PS4/PS3/XB360/XBOne/Switch/PSVR)
Skyrim is an open ended role playing game where you create a character and exist in a fantasy world full of dragons and wizards. It’s exactly what most people associate with when they think about fantasy and most of the time it is where people go when they want that sort of experience. If you are trying to play an RPG that tells bite sized stories but includes enough world building to have you reading Skyrim history books until 4 in the morning then perhaps Skyrim is a good game to try. The controls are similar to any other first person game so if you are not familiar with that then there is a learning curve attached to it, other than that there is a wide range of difficulties that allow just about anyone to be able to play through the game. The snowy vistas make this game a beautiful option and the way that the scope of the world reaches miles in front of you gives a really liberating sense of freedom. Skyrim has the potential to become a hardcore obsession but also allows a lighter and more casual experience for people who just want to see main stories.
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Ni No Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom
(PS4/PC)
Ni No Kuni II is a fun game that applies big ideas into digestible pieces. The combat is very simple to learn and fun to exploit. The game adds a strategy mode where you command troops that isn’t awesome but also introduces a town building mechanic that is easy to understand and gives you a visual sense of progression. The story is awesome and keeps the world of Ni No Kuni grounded into its fantastical fantasy setting that borrows a lot from everyday life. The game borrows from the art of Studio Ghibli and is heavily inspired by movies like Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro. If any of that sounds like it is interesting to you then this is easily a fun opportunity to bring a unique RPG into your gaming library.
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Pokemon Sword and Shield
(Switch)
I’m willing to admit two things. The first being that I truly believe that Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum were the best Pokemon games and that normally I would recommend that someone just play that game instead. However, the second is that Pokemon Sword and Shield are the definitive versions of Pokemon that rid the game of the dated mechanics of previous titles. Pokemon is the monster taming game, the game is a celebration of being able to constantly change who you are playing as and it feels endlessly personal. Pokemon is a great intro to turn based combat that does a great job teaching things like elemental weaknesses and speed stats. This is definitely the easiest, most customizable, and cute, way to enter the RPG genre.
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Persona 5 Royal
(PS4)
Persona 5 Royal is the definitive version of Persona 5 which is the latest installment in the Shin Megami Tensei spinoff series called Persona. The game is about balancing daily high school life with traveling into another dimension to fight shadows. The game has a lot of things in it, a day to day manager, a dating sim, turn based RPG, fishing, darts, batting cage, etc. Persona 5 also drips with style, from the amazing art to the fantastic soundtrack. The combat takes some learning but if you set the difficulty all the way down it becomes an accessible experience at no cost to the gripping story. You are guaranteed to fall in love with this game if you end up playing it and it’s bound to create an obsession that has you playing Persona 4 as well as Persona 3. This is an intimidating game to start but with the difficulty set low you really can’t mess up the other portions of the game so there is always a good way to make sure you can experience one of the best games on the PS4.
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Dragon Quest XI: Echoes Of An Elusive Age
(Switch/PS4/3DS/PC)
Dragon Quest XI is the funniest game on this list. The writing also ironically follows plot lines from other media like Marvel Cinematic Universe or Dragon Ball. You’ll also notice that the game looks a lot like Dragon Ball so if you ever wanted a Dragon Ball fantasy RPG then you might be in luck. The story is driven home by its amazing cast and continues to supply the player with things to do way after the credits have rolled. The turn based combat is very traditional so maybe try this game if you don’t mind learning an older style of game play presented in a fun and easy to understand setting. Dragon Quest XI is guaranteed to hook you in with its likeable characters and grand story telling, if you are at all attracted by the promises of dumb humor, excellent writing, and incomparable character development you should plan on purchasing this game.
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Final Fantasy XIV Online: A Realm Reborn
(PS4/PC)
An MMO is an RPG too. And as I’m writing this the current best place to live a virtual life is in Final Fantasy XIV. As someone who has tried almost every free to play MMO on the market I can say with absolute certainty that you get what you pay for and the subscription to FFXIV is worth every cent if you want to get into an MMO. The game is large and intimidating and complex, however, the game is also home to one of the friendliest communities I’ve ever had the pleasure of playing with and they make the game as special as it is. This is why people that don’t even like video games are drawn to FFXIV because it is an amazing social experience that also happens to be an amazing MMO experience. The story is the best in terms of MMO story lines and the combat is vast boasting 18 completely unique combat classes. I can’t recommend this game enough and if you have ever considered an MMO then I can guarantee you that this is the one that you want to be playing.
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Fantasy Life
(3DS)
Fantasy Life is a game about grinding professions. It looks like Animal Crossing and kind of plays like Animal Crossing would if you could also slay beasts and smith armor in that game. If you are familiar with Life Sim games then this is just the fantasy RPG version of that. The game gives you a job and makes it insanely fun to do that job with fun mini games and a rewarding economy system. This is the “relaxing” game on the list so if you like games like Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon and you may want to try more combat heavy games then this is a great Segway into that genre of game.
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Diablo III
(PC/Mac/PS3/PS4/XB360/XBOne/Switch)
Diablo III is probably the most famous ARPG which just means that you are looking down from an isometric point of view and are typically facing hordes of monsters to achieve hordes of loot. I would say that Path of Exile might be catching up fast to Diablo but if you want to ease into an ARPG then Diablo III is much more forgiving. The game is instantly rewarding and gives you a lot of customization with your skills and appearance. This game tells an epic story but has too much game in between story beats to make it worth playing for. Although I would recommend this game to a new player that only wants to play an RPG for its gear management and game play versatility without having to sit through endless cut scenes.
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Fire Emblem: Three Houses
(Switch)
In Fire Emblem: Three Houses you play as the combat teacher of one of three groups of kids. You decide what they learn and how well they get at it. The game is a strategy RPG so you are using your brain a bit more to assess situations than the other games on this list. However, Fire Emblem streamlines the system into something easy to understand that is accessible to most new players. While I don’t recommend this game to every new RPG player I’d say that if you really want a game that makes you think rather than hit buttons randomly than you might enjoy the deeper engagement that this game offers. Note that the Fire Emblem series is known for using a very evil emotional weapon called “party member perma-death” which you can absolutely turn off if you would like a less stressful experience. Or live for the thrill, I won’t tell you what to do.
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Final Fantasy XV
(PS4/XBOne/PC)
Final Fantasy XV isn’t a normal Final Fantasy game. It is a road trip that you can’t truly appreciate unless you get distracted. Over the years RPG’s have been known for putting a large amount of side activities in their games, Final Fantasy XV takes its story and encases it in casual game play that involves long drive and lots of fishing and camping. This game is not for everyone but its more casual approach will appeal to a newer audience than a hardened veteran of the Final Fantasy series. People looking for their first RPG won’t be totally swayed by the story here but they will have seen that the journey can be fun if you let it.
So You Wanna Start An RPG
Take it from someone who has played the opening hours of a lot of games and then quit that sometimes you just can’t get yourself to like a game. You owe it to yourself to find in entertainment something that you like. I consider myself more of a casual RPG player, I’ve never beaten any of the classics and I can hardly finish a lot of the RPG’s that I own now. But I think that fickleness makes me a good source to recommend a good RPG for people that may not have the patience to play through a Final Fantasy IV or a Golden Sun. Also remember not to rule out experiences just because people say that they are “bad” because opinions are subjective to you personally. RPG’s have the power to tell moving and important stories, and as a player of them I hope I’ve given anyone reading this some incentive to experience a larger than life story.
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emilyplaysotome · 4 years
Text
Chapter 1 - Down the Rabbit Hole (fix)
Lately it seems that everything I write ends up never seeing the light of day so I wanted to write something fun, that might actually get read. If you guys like it I’ll continue the story.
Let me know what you think!
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I woke up, eyes bleary, head pounding in a hospital bed I’d never been in, but could have sworn I’d seen before. As I rubbed my eyes, I racked my brain to try and remember how I’d gotten here, but could only come up with fragmented moments on the subway platform. It was a fair assumption to say that I’d passed out. Something like that had happened to me once before, and upon coming to had left me feeling very similar.
“It’s good to see you’re up.”
I turned to see a man standing over me, wearing a white doctor’s coat, with a pink collared shirt, and simple plaid necktie. He gently pushed his glasses up as he examined my chart, finally offering me a concerned smile.
“You were brought here yesterday after you collapsed, but we couldn’t find any identification on you.”
My eyes began to focus, and I squinted as they adjusted to the sunlight streaming in through the large windows that lined the far wall. The room was a simple hospital room, with multiple beds, all empty at the moment. Separating each bed was a seafoam curtain, and across from me were some yellow flowers that must have been left behind from another patient.
I looked at the doctor again, who leaned a bit closer.
“Can you...understand me?” he said slowly.
My eyes caught the name on his nametag. Irie.
“Yes, I understand. Sorry, I’m always a bit off when I first get up,” I joked.
His face relaxed, and he smiled at me.
“Take your time. You were out for a good 18 hours.”
Irie...Irie. Why was that name so familiar to me? I studied his face as he scribbled some notes down in my chart. He didn’t have any defining characteristic of note - dark hair and eyes, Japanese, a calm demeanor.
“Soichiro?” I muttered to myself, barely audible.
He paused and looked at me, a puzzled expression on his face.
“Do we know each other?”
I looked again at the room once more, and then back at the man standing before me. There was no way. It was impossible. I was...me and he was just a character in a game. However as crazy as it was, before I could stop myself I found myself asking, “I’m at Ebisu General, right?”
Doctor Irie nodded. I could feel my face getting hot, panic setting in. This had to be a dream. There was no other explanation but it didn’t feel like any dream I’d ever had.
“Have we met before?”
“No. Your reputation precedes you,” I lied.
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In actuality, I’d spent hours with Soichiro Irie. I’d been in the man’s apartment. I watched him fall in love. I knew more about him than he probably knew about himself.
Yet here I was, unable to tell him the truth (that he was merely a character in a game) without sounding certifiably insane. Even if this was a dream, the last thing I wanted to do was be shipped off to the psychiatric ward of Ebisu General, so...I lied.
He blushed faintly at the compliment, and crossed his arms just like his sprite did, except in real life he felt closer to the published age of 40 than he ever did in the game. There were slight crow’s feet around his eyes and as he shook his head with a placid smile, I could see the wrinkles hiding behind his hair that fell across his forehead.
“Oh no. I’m sure that’s not true” he said softly.
The Japanese modestly I’d experienced in these games came through loud and clear in that one moment. It was sweet - quite different from the confident and often unwarranted conceit most American men doled out.
“Doctor Irie, I...have a bit of a strange question. I feel ok but...what language am I speaking?”
Doctor Irie cocked his head to the side, “Japanese. You’re in Tokyo after all.”
“I see. You wouldn’t happen to have a mirror...would you?”
As he left to find a hand mirror, I racked my brain at how implausible it was that I’d be speaking Japanese. It had to be a crazy dream, perhaps I was even in a coma, and my mind suddenly placed me in the universe of these games.
In fact, it was entirely possible that I’d been playing one when I blacked out in my world. But...I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything going was far too real to be something entirely contrived by my own brain and its memories of various games I’d played months ago.
Doctor Irie returned with a mirror that revealed that I still looked as I’d remembered. He also brought the items I’d had on me when I’d collapsed - a phone, a coat, and the stupid knit hat I’d stitched in 9th grade and kept for whatever reason. The phone booted up but all my apps were replaced by knockoffs like Skaipe, Tweeter, and Chatsnap. I shook my head, dejected upon seeing this.
I was hoping my phone would be something that would link me to the real world from which I came, but outside of that dumb knit hat, everything else was a gamified version. I sighed loudly and Doctor Irie studied my face with concern.
“So...am I able to leave now?” I asked.
“We’d prefer if you stayed until you’re better. Plus we’ll need your insurance card and -”
“I’m afraid I don’t have my wallet on me,” I quickly cut him off.
“Well, we can look your information up. What’s your name?”
I paused. There’d be no record of me in this world. I thought carefully before replying.
“Naruko...Sasaki,” I said. Or was it Sasaki Naruko? I could never get it straight but it didn’t really matter. Doctor Irie nodded and scribbled her name on my chart before writing something else on his notepad.
“Here,” he said, handing me a paper with a number on it. “If you get into trouble, or need a place to stay, or feel sick again just give me a call.”
For a moment, it crossed my mind that if I called this number, I would be entering Doctor Irie’s route in this world. I wasn’t prepared for that, not because I didn’t like him, but because I had more important things to think about than romancing a fictional doctor. I needed to get home.
I did my best to bow graciously, self-conscious the entire time, and slightly worried that someone would call me out for cultural appropriation.
“Thank you Doctor Irie.”
The first thing I did once I left Ebisu General was pray to the Wishes Gods. When none of them showed up, or even gave me an inclination that they'd heard my wish to be sent home, I formulated a new plan. I found an empty park bench that was shaded by a Revance billboard, and wrote down every single potential guy I’d ever played with the knowledge that I was in the voltage universe in order to figure out what my next best bet would be.
You’d think that being the MC in a real-life-game would be fairly exciting but I promise you, it isn’t. Instead, I found myself fairly stressed out once the realization set in that in order to survive long enough to formulate a plan to get sent home I was going to need to approach the more dangerous characters in this universe. When you’re playing from the comfort of your home it doesn’t matter that your love interest is borderline abusive, or in the mafia, or a criminal mastermind. However, when you’re in the actual game, it’s a lot more stressful than you’d think to approach one of these guys.
I knew what I had to do if I was to survive here. I jogged up to the next nondescript Person 1 and asked, “Excuse me, can you point me in the direction of the Tray Spades?”
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“You mean the Tres Spades?”
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“Whatever.”
The pixilated version of the hotel had looked pretty good on my iPhone as I played at home, but being there in person was something else.
I’d been lucky enough to travel and stay in some luxurious hotels in my world, but the Tres Spades was like nothing I’d ever seen in my life. It was fair to say that depending on who you asked, it was either a garish eyesore or the most opulent hotel you’d ever laid eyes on. I was still trying to decide for myself as waited in the lobby for my target.
If everything went according to plan my time at the Tres Spades would end in false papers, a temporary job (with housing if I remembered correctly), and no involvement in the auctions. But that was only if things went according to plan and I reminded myself that they rarely do.
I was still mulling it all over when I saw him, or I suppose more accurately, he saw me.
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“Excuse me Miss.”
His maroon jacket was even tackier in person but I found him to be more handsome than his sprite gave him credit for. Sure his real voice was actually a bit smarmy, and his mannerisms reeked of a guy who spent far too long reading Neil Strauss’ The Game, but that was to be expected.
“Yes?”
“Are you waiting for someone? Me...perhaps?”
It was impossible for me to hold back my disgusted sigh. Baba in person was so much lamer than he ever read.
“Ahahahaha,” a young man cackled, practically doubled over. “Look at how disgusted she looks!”
“Oh no I didn’t mean...”
I desperately tried backtracking but it was no use. I’d never been good at hiding my emotions and it would seem today was no different. Unfortunately for me, if I was going to have any chance in this world, I’d need to significantly improve my acting skills.
“Don’t apologize!” He exclaimed, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks, “That was the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.”
“You don’t need to rub it in Ota,” Baba pouted.
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It surprised me that I liked Ota more in person. He struck me as boyish and mischievous in a way that was far more charming than Baba’s insincere pick up artist act.
As I panicked internally, racking my brain how to get these interactions back on track, the two bantered with each other. Ota teased Baba mercilessly, who in turn desperately tried to recover from the embarrassment of Ota having witnessed him crash and burn in front of a girl.
“Please,” I grabbed the sleeve of Baba’s gaudy maroon jacket all the while putting on my best damsel in distress expression. “I’m actually looking for someone who stays at this hotel. Do you work here?”
The two stopped arguing and Baba looked at me, genuinely surprised. There was silence for a moment and then Ota burst out laughing again
“Ahahahaha! She thinks you work here!”
Collectively Baba and I shared a sigh, and then a smile. He took his hat off and gave me a little bow, then a wink, and said, “At your service.”
“This might sound...a little crazy but I’m looking for a guy, his name is…”
I pretended to rack my brain and my act seemed to be working as Baba appeared to hang on my every word.
“...Lupin?” I whispered.
Baba’s eyes widened slightly, and his cheeks flushed. Ota, still chuckling to himself gave Baba a slap on the back.
“The old man finally catches a break.”
With that, Ota strolled out through the double doors of the hotel lobby, and I found myself being offered Baba’s arm.
“Follow me.”
There was no turning back now. But if I was going to have any chance of getting myself home, taking his arm was my only option.
So I took it.
Continue reading - Part 2
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artificialqueens · 5 years
Text
How Far I'll Go Chapter Six (Ninex) - Mia Ugly, Meggie
A/N: We’re baaaaack! Hi hello how are you? LIFE is crazy. We’re so sorry it took so long to get this chapter to you guys, but honestly, Snatch Game was probably the hardest thing we’ve written. It’s hard to be funny. I’m going to be way nicer to queens who do badly on Snatch Game from here on out because it’s not easy, mama. Anyway. We hope you enjoy this SUPER MEGA SIZED CHAPTER (10.5k!) to make up for the super long hiatus. And hopefully we’ll be back with more very soon. Come visit us on our blogs: @mia-ugly and @artificialmeggie
Previously: The runway was purple, but Blair’s Scarlett O'Hara realness wasn’t enough to save a poor performance and she was sent packing. Brooke and Vanjie are (most definitely) probably still messing around, and Nina and Monet had a moment backstage when Nina narrowly avoided elimination. Or was it a moment? Oh, and Nina’s probably losing his mind.
To come: Katya, Snatch Game, a hotel bar date, and a musical number.
Nina wakes up and is still on Drag Race.
He might be having some kind of a nervous breakdown (and breaking into song periodically) but that’s showbiz, kid.
And now it’s time for the fucking Snatch Game.
Shower, shave, dress.
Prepare for another sloppy Branjie moment in the elevator (and thank God, Nina gets to avoid that for a change). Nina Bo’nina is riding down alone, and the two of them chat distractedly on their way to the conference room.
A few of the mentors are there, but no Monét and no Trixie.
Nina tries not to let that bother him as he nibbles his toast and drinks his coffee. He’s focused this morning, ready for whatever happens next. He’s been thinking about Snatch Game since the moment he got the All Stars call, is determined that this is going to be his challenge (of course, he might have had that thought about the last challenge too… No, nope, move the hell on, girl.)
Nina doesn’t see Brooke until they film the Werk Room entrance. The man looks exhausted. There are circles under his eyes that the makeup guy has done his best to cover, but it’s still obvious Brooke is not at his best. It makes Nina remember that - no matter how stupid the Canadian is being about Vanjie (and no matter what sort of history he has with Nina’s equally stupid heart), Nina still loves him. Will probably always love him in some kind of way.
“No coffee this morning?” he asks quietly as they’re waiting to get mic’d.
“Not enough.” Brooke pulls down his hideous knitted beanie (where the hell does he keep getting those? A P.A. should - frankly - take them away.)
“Have a late night?” Nina doesn’t really want to know, but if Brooke needs to talk about it -
“Oh no. No. Just - thinking.” He rolls his neck. “Like - we know what’s coming up, right? And last season - it wasn’t my best look.”
Nina barks out a an embarrassingly loud laugh. “No kidding.”
“You didn’t have to find it that funny.”
“It’s pretty funny.”
“You’re a dick, you know that? No matter how sweet Monét thinks you are.”
This makes Nina stop laughing. “Sorry - what?”
“He was just going on about you when he was watching Asia film our scene last episode. Like - ‘try this, Nina does this, blah blah.’”
Nina doesn’t know what to think about that. It makes him feel a bit warm and light-headed, but absolutely incapable of responding.
“Clearly you’ve got her fooled. I know what you’re really like.”
“Haha, yeah.” Nina’s voice is weak and he hopes to God Brooke doesn’t immediately clock his blush. Luckily, Vanjie chooses that moment to start flirting with the sound guy, and Brooke’s attention is suddenly elsewhere. Yes, yes, that’s good. Nina will have to keep Vanjie close by at all times, just in case he needs to distract Brooke.
They all romp into the Werk Room together, Shea and Asia working their few seconds in the doorway for all it’s worth (“pose for me, pose for me, POSE”). They talk a bit about Blair going home, but before they can say much about it there’s the sound of a video message, and the television flickers to life.
“Ladies,” Ru’s face comes onto the screen. “I picked you queens for All Stars because you represent the best of the best. But on second thought… I think I’d like to see some other queens in your place. Sorry, not sorry.”
The video ends.
“What the hell does that mean?” Shea asks.
“Nah, nah.” Vanjie is shaking his head in denial. “We don’t need no more hos up in here. We got too many of y’all already.”
“Hello, hello, hello!” The door opens and Ru comes into the Werk Room, followed by the mentors. Nina tries to smile and look as excited to see Ru as he’s always supposed to be, but - he can’t help being worried about whatever the hell twist is coming up. (Monét winks at him as he comes in, so that’s something. Nina will keep that one brief moment like a diamond in his pocket.)
“Ladies, for this week’s maxi challenge, it’s time for another All Star Edition of Snatch Game!”
Most of the queens around Nina are delighted - except Brooke. Nina can see him smiling, but it’s fragile and fake, and his arms are folded very tightly around himself, legs crossed at the thigh even though he’s standing; a clear indication he’s stressing.
“This time, however, to celebrate my recent single ‘Queens Everywhere’— available now on iTunes—we’re going to do things a little bit differently. I know you’re all amazing queens, but for this Snatch Game, I’d like to see if you have any other queens inside you.” Ru raises a suggestive eyebrow. “Not to give Miss Vanjie an unfair advantage.”
Vanjie’s jaw drops even as he laughs, mutters “shade” through his perfect teeth.
“For this Snatch Game, I’m asking you to channel one of your sisters. We’ve had a lot of iconic queens on this series, so you’ll have plenty of personalities to choose from. And luckily you’ve got some experts here for inspiration. Hashtag Snatch Game All Stars. Gentleman, start your engines. And may the best All Star… win!”
“The fuck?” Vanjie whispers to Nina as soon as Ru leaves. “Bitch, I had a damn plan. I brought the little gold trophies and everything. Watched all the fucking movies. Now I got to be one of y’all’s tired asses? That ain’t fair.”
“Trophies, like - you mean Oscars?”
“Sure, whatever.”
Nina has to admit that he’s kinda thrilled about this twist. He’d been telling anyone who will listen who he was going to be for the Snatch Game if he ever got another chance. He’d had a couple back-ups, of course (they’d all been told to bring a former queen, so honestly, they should have seen this coming from a mile away), but this really couldn’t have gone better for him.
He feels bad for some of the other queens though, especially Vanessa (the bitch was prepped to do Meryl Streep - Brooke’s idea, and a fucking hilarious one. He’d kill to see it).
“X-Queens assemble,” Monét calls over at him, and Nina pats Vanjie on the shoulder, goes off to sit with Monét and Asia.
Monét looks good. Real good. He’s in some loud patterned sweatshirt that has tiny slices of pizza all over it, and another pair of thick-rimmed glasses (white, or maybe baby pink?), and he’s smiling at Nina like - no, nope. Move along.
“It’s actually the Avengers that assemble,” Asia tells Monét, who rolls his eyes at her.
“Girl, you can’t be a bigger nerd than me. I won’t accept it.”
“Yeah, ‘cause knowing about the Avengers is real obscure, serious fan-only shit.”
“The shade, Miss Asia! Nina West, are you going to defend your mentor?”
Nina holds his hands up. “You’re the fearless leader, you got this.”
“The pair of you.” Monét shakes his head. “All right, what you got for Snatch Game?”
“I’ma be Brown Cow Stun-ning, yes, honey.” Asia pops her tongue after a pretty admirable impression of Monique Heart.
“And Miss Nina West?” Monét is looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Nina wonders if he’s heard the interviews, if he already knows.
“Miss Vaaaanjie,” Nina says, “Bitch, you know I don’t play games. Don’t play Monopology, Uno, Twistah, Tag, Marbles -”
“Jesus Christ, stop it.” Monét is covering his face with his hands, while Asia is cackling. “Does she know?”
“Not yet.”
“She will live. Okay, okay, I ain’t worried about either of you. Take me straight to the finale, win me that serious mentor coin.”
They run through a couple ideas for jokes, focusing more on Asia (who struggled last time and still has a bit of anxiety flaring behind her contacts). There’s a break for lunch, but it’s weirdly quiet, subdued. Snatch Game is an opportunity to stand out, to prove you deserve to be there. It’s also an opportunity to crash and burn in front of Ru, the judges, and later on - the world. So there’s that.
After lunch everyone starts putting on their paint, fixing their wigs. The cameras zoom in to get some Werk Room chatter about who is playing who, and of course they’re all dying for Vanessa’s reaction (as soon as he sees Nina pull out his pink-petalled Barbie-head dress from its garment bag, the pussycat’s out of the Prada bag).
“Noooo, bitch,” Vanjie shouts across the room, but he’s smiling. “Oh, I’mma have to whup your ass if that’s what I think it is.”
“Deuces!” Nina shouts back at him, throwing up the sign as well, while Brooke covers his face.
“That ain’t right, it ain’t right. Thought we was friends, sis.” Vanjie is laughing about it, though; Nina knows they’re cool.
“Who are you playing, Miss Shea Coulée?” Asia calls over to her sister, who is fussing with a nasty looking green wig.
“Paaaarty…” Shea drags out the word, working that vocal fry for all she’s worth. “I’m going to be Adore Delano, darling.”
Nina Bo’nina Brown thinks this is the funniest thing she’s ever heard, can’t speak for laughing so hard. Shea seems entertained by it at first, but her smile starts to tighten a little after the laughter continues a bit too long.
“What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, nothing. Just - good luck, girl.”
“Who are you doing then?”
“Yeah,” Cracker interjects. “You were Jasmine Masters for your season’s Snatch Game right? The judges loved it.”
“Right. So why mess with perfection? I’m going to do Miss Jasmine Masters.”
A couple of the girls stop what they’re doing when she says this.
“You’re going to play the same queen?” Cracker repeats, a bit shocked.
“Yeah. I was sickening last time, I’ll be sickening this time.”
“Aren’t you worried that they’ll read you for not showing them what else you can do?”
“Nah. They’re gonna be laughing too hard.”
“Mmmm…” Vanjie makes a low, skeptical noise.
“Trust and believe, Vanjie,” Nina B. calls over to her. “Trust and believe.”
The cameras have to reset then to film Ru’s entrance into the Werk Room, and catch all the queens’ “surprised” reactions.
“Hello hello hello, kitty girls!”
Nina beams, claps his hands, that whole production. He’s feeling pretty good though - the energy is real. He’s actually excited for this challenge, ready to show Ru what he can do. (That’s how he felt last year too, then Silky went and yanked the win right out from under him. But no time to dwell on that now.)
“How are my All Stars? I thought I’d take a little look-see at what you were planning for us. And I brought along one of our extra special guest judges to help me out.”
From behind Ru, Katya Zamolodchikova comes in waving and smiling, teeth glowing white against her red lipstick.
“Oh my god! Get your own thing!” Trixie yells from across the room, and Katya does that ridiculous/adorable silent laugh that Nina has seen on “UNHhhh” too many times to count.
“Thanks for coming, Katya!” Ru says cheerfully.
“No problem, Ru. Thanks for unlocking the attic door!”
“Well, it was a special occasion. And I was feeling generous.”
They go from station to station, cameras following them around silently, and Nina fusses a bit with his dress while eavesdropping on their conversations with the other queens. There is a bit of concern for Brooke, who’s playing Detox (no big surprise there). How is Brooke going to make Detox funny seems to be the main issue. Nina has the same question. Brooke seems more confident than last season, though, so Ru and Katya wish him luck.
There’s some controversy over Nina Bo’nina playing Jasmine again, but the girl won’t be convinced to try something else. Nina listens to some of the critiques, ignores some of the others. He’s interested, but he also knows he needs to focus on his own performance, and not get in his head. He’s not as bad as Brooke at over-thinking things, but no one goes into goddamn musical theatre who isn’t at least a little bit destroyed (psychologically speaking. Okay, maybe also a bit romantically. It’s fine).
“Nina West!” Ru says close to Nina’s ear, and he almost jumps a foot in the air. (Girl, Katya is standing four feet away from you, be cool, be cool.)
“Hello, hello, hello Christine,” he says, immediately launching into his Vanjie impression. Both Ru and Katya laugh - and Katya’s smile up close is completely unfair, like a smile cut out of paper, perfect and sharp-edged.
(“I don’t know her!” Vanjie shouts from across the room.)
“So who are you going to be?” Katya asks, completely straight-faced, as soon as she and Ru have stopped laughing.
“I don’t know, still making up my mind,” Nina says, back in his normal voice.
“And the uh -” Ru gestures to the hideous floral Barbie dress, “gown?”
“Do you like it? One of my best gowns. What’s funny?”
Katya is wheeze-laughing. Katya is wheeze-laughing because of something Nina said! He stores that one next to the Monét gem from earlier; hopes to have enough for his own tiara in the unthinkable event that he doesn’t win.
“Now on Season 11’s Snatch Game, you were hilarious, you played -”
“Harvey Fierstein and Jo Anne Worley-”
“Yes! And really, it might have been one of the strongest performances in Snatch Game herstory.”
Nina smiles gratefully (only slightly furious that Ru’s saying this despite the fact that Nina didn’t win. He deserved to win).
“So how can you possibly outdo yourself this time?”
“I’m not trying to outdo myself, I’m trying to do something different. Like Katya, when you played Björk -”
“Yes, yes, back to me,” Katya says, nodding.
“Completely different from Suze Orman, but still so funny. That’s what I’m going to do. Just - mix it up.”
“All right, Nina, good luck. Can’t wait to see it,” Ru says, moving on.
It’s fine. It’ll be fine.
As soon as Ru and Katya leave the Werk Room it’s a mad dash to get dressed and made up and before Nina knows it, before he can light a bunch of candles on an altar and find whatever religion will bring him the most luck, they’re all being rounded up and led into the studio for the Snatch Game.
Okay.
Okay.
Brooke’s Detox look is iconic, the yellow and black striped bandage dress from the Season 5 premiere (probably borrowed from Detox herself) hugs his perfectly padded body, but he’s absolutely trembling as he walks beside Nina. Nina has to squeeze his shoulder, tell him it’ll be fine.
“It’s fun, Brooke. Just have fun with it,” he murmurs as he hits the bright studio lights, has to blink until his vision adjusts (the first thing he sees is Monét and Nina’s blinded by him).
Okay.
The mentors are sitting along the sidelines, ready to watch the show play out. Nina wasn’t expecting that, but it’s - fine. Monét smiles at him, and Nina’s going to use that smile as a good luck charm - a rabbit’s foot, a four leaf clover, whatever. It’s impossible not to feel lucky when someone who looks like Monét goddamn X Change smiles at you like that.
“Welcome to the first All Stars ‘Queens Everywhere’ Snatch Game!” Ru says after they’re all mic’d and seated, upbeat music playing behind him. “Let’s meet our contestants.”
Katya beams from where she’s sitting behind her glittery podium and microphone.
“It’s everyone’s favorite queen that we found digging in the dumpster outside - Katya!”
“And yet I’m still hungry!”
Katya smiles at Ru and then snaps her teeth at the other queens.
“And - just when you thought we’d finally seen the last of her - halleloo! It’s Shangela!”
Shangela raises one hand in the air, nodding seriously. “That’s right, I’m back again, bitches. And I ain’t even in a box this time, baby.”
“Ladies, are you ready to meet the queens?”
“Yaaaaaaaaaas,” they answer in tandem.
They reset so that Ru can film the introductions, and Nina’s heart starts rattling like bones in a bag. He’s buzzing with adrenaline and nerves, but he’s going to channel that into a goddamn win. That’s right, he tells his inner saboteur - you can fuck off. This challenge is mine.
“The heart of Season 10 - Monique Heart is here!” Ru starts with Asia, whose Monique look is extremely correct.
“Hello world! Hello America! Are you brown cow stunning?” She tosses Ru a ridiculous cow-patterned baseball cap. Ru briefly feigns excitement before throwing it over his shoulder in distaste.
“Burn that,” he murmurs to one of the camera crew. “Next up, we have the original party-queen - Adore Delano!”
Shea Coulee stretches her arms in the air before making a peace sign, growling “Party,” in a gravelly voice.
“How are you doing Adore?”
“I mean, I’m good, you know? Like. Excited to be back. Where am I again?”
Nina has to turn his mouth into his shoulder to stifle the laugh that bubbles to his throat immediately. He wasn’t sold on it when they were discussing it in the Werk Room, but Shea is killing it as Adore. Her voice, her delivery is hilarious. The makeup is flawless. Her perpetual open mouth is complete perfection. As always, Shea Coulee is slaying the competition. Nina’s stomach gives a nervous jolt, so he sucks in a deep breath and reminds himself to pay attention.
He realizes he’s missed Ivy’s introduction, but Katya is gagged at the illusion of, well - Her - that Ivy is turning today. A mid-length honey blonde wig barely brushes Ivy’s shoulders and her red bustier is covered in rhinestones (and, of course, the scythe and hammer.) The look is great. The accent, on the other hand… Nina sighs a little, but tries not to get comfortable, regardless of how terrible Ivy’s Russian accent is.
Vanjie is seated at the end of the top row, decked out in red lace, a large pair of dark sunglasses balanced precariously on her nose. There’s no denying the air about her: Miss Vanjie is living Miss Valentina’s French vanilla fantasy, and no one could doubt it.
Ru beams at him. “Valentina! How wonderful to see you again!”
Vanjie draws in a deep breath. “That’s right, Ru, it’s me - Valentina. I’m back, and this time, I just want you to know, I fully learned all the words to ‘Greedy.’”
“Excellent! You want to sing us a verse right now?”
“No,” Vanjie answers, extremely primly, and even in his gravelly voice, the delivery is enough to make Ru laugh.
“Maybe next time.”
“Probably not.”
Then Ru’s looking at Nina and - oh, god, why did he think coming back for All Stars was a good idea again?
“Miss Vaaaaaanjie is here!” Ru trills.
Nina sucks in a deep breath and - “What’s the grease, mama?”
Down the row, Brooke buries his face in his hands, but his shoulders bounce with laughter. Ru is giggling loudly. Even Katya and Shangela are agape at the spot-on impression like it’s the first time he’s done it, the first time they’ve heard it.
He lets himself relax a little.
“Three seasons in a row.” Ru consults his cue cards. “Girl, aren’t you tired of competing yet?”
“Mmhmm.” Nina shakes his head vehemently, the wig he pilfered from Vanjie weeks ago flying around his shoulders. (He really does owe Brooke one for that.) “Nah, girl, you know I’m still trying to get my own show. Like Vanjie of Love or some shit like that. You know, something where these triflin’ hos gotta pay me some damn attention.”
In his periphery, Nina catches Brooke cut his eyes to him. He hopes this is okay. They haven’t really discussed the Branjie territory in regards to his jokes, but he kind of assumed it was fair game. Besides, he isn’t planning on directly hurting anyone’s feelings. He’ll keep it light, keep it fun. Besides, they’re the ones who marketed their portmanteau and gave the profits to charity. It’s practically public domain at this point.
“Next up we’ve got - oh my goodness, it’s Jasmine Masters!”
Nina Bo’nina gives Ru an extremely “over it” look. “Yeah, and I got something to say.”
“Now Jasmine - no tea, no shade, but haven’t you been on Snatch Game before?”
There’s a bit of an awkward pause before Nina Bo’nina waves him away.
“Bitch, I’ve got something more to say.”
Ru chuckles a bit, “I bet you do,” and moves on to Brooke.
“Another former All Star contestant, welcome Detox!”
Brooke looks sullen and concerned. He gives a little nod at Ru and the contestants.
“Detox, what’s the matter? You don’t look happy to be here.”
“Oh, am I not smiling?” Brooke asks through his extremely full, painted-on lips. “I can’t feel anything above my neck.” He shapes his mouth into a grotesque smile using his hands, and Ru almost doubles over. Okay, okay. Nina feels a little less worried about Brooke.
“And last but not least, we have - um, Aquaria! Hey girl!”
“Hi Ru!”
“Aquaria, is that the new way you’re spelling your name?” Cracker has written Acwareea on her name-card. A couple letters are backwards.
“Huh?” Cracker looks down at the name card. “Oh, I can’t spell my name. Actually, I can’t spell anything.”
“Okay then.”
“You know, some girls chose to read books, I chose to turn looks.”
“Yeah, you did! Now let’s get ready to play the Snatch Game!”
They break for a few adjustments on the cameras and microphones, and Nina tries not to hyperventilate, and then fuck - they’re rolling again.
“Here we go. The first question is for Katya. Katya, All Stars Season 1 paved the way, and brought back some of the most celebrated queens of all time to compete. This time, instead of competing in pairs, the queens are competing in BLANK.”
Be funny, be funny, be fucking funny. Nina tries to think like Vanjie and writes down an answer as soon as he’s got one, hoping it will be good enough.
“Okay, pens down. Katya?”
“I said competing in traction.”
“In - traction?”
“Yeah, you know, when all the bones in your body are broken and you’re in the hospital bed with your leg in the air.”
“That would certainly be a different kind of competition.”
“I’d watch it,” Katya says seriously, and Ru laughs.
“Let’s go to the Queens and see if we have any matches. Miss Valentina. What did you write down?”
Vanjie has put a lace mask on over the bottom of her face. She mumbles something indecipherable.
“What was that?” Ru asks. Vanjie mumbles something again.
“Valentina,” Ru says, clearly picking up on the joke. “Take that thing off your face.”
“I’d like to keep it on please.”
Ru shakes his head slowly, and at last Vanjie removes her mask.
“Now, Valentina. What did you write?”
Vanjie flips her card over, and Ru starts to wheeze with laughter. “That’s what I wrote down. I’d like to keep it on please.“
Vanjie’s Valentina voice is slipping, but she’s hella charming anyway, as always.
“I’m sorry, my dear, but that is not a match. Moving on to Aquaria - oh! You’ve got a new outfit.”
Miz Cracker was scrambling to put on a new wig and geometric headpiece made of iPhones while Ru was speaking to the contestants. She looks great, and she’s killing Aquaria’s affected head wobble.
“This season the queens are competing in BLANK.”
Cracker flips her card to reveal Aquaria’s instagram URL. “I wasn’t born when All Stars Season 1 aired, so I just wrote this.”
“Oh, okay - not a match.”
“I’m young,” Cracker insists, and Ru nods, patiently.
“We all were once. What did Miss Vaaaaanjie have to say?”
“I said we’d have to compete in swimsuits,” Nina says, flipping over his card.
“Swimsuits?”
“Yeah. Cause maybe then Michelle won’t read my ass for filth every damn week.”
Ru gapes at him, like he can’t believe he just came for Michelle in Snatch Game.
“Swimsuits be glamor when everybody else is doing them too, bitch!” Nina pops his tongue.
Ru laughs, high and clear, and then turns to the other Nina. “What about you, Jasmine? What do you have to say?”
Nina Bo’nina slaps her hands on the table and purses her lips. “We gonna be competing in making viral videos to get Justin Bieber’s attention, Ru.”
The room — pauses while Ru tries to save face with a polite chuckle. Nina West can practically hear the shade rattle sound effect that will inevitably be edited in at this exact moment.
Jasmine Masters probably wasn’t Nina Bo’nina’s best option (anyone could have told her that and, good god girl, they really tried). It’s not working. Nina doesn’t think any of it’s working.
Ru clears his throat, shakes his head. “I’m certain you could teach them a thing or two about that, but unfortunately, it’s not a match.”
Nina Bo’nina shrugs.
Ru shuffles his cue cards and moves on. “This next question is for Shangela. In All Stars Season 2, we changed things up by letting the queens choose who would be eliminated. This season, as well as eliminating each other, the queens will have to BLANK each other.”
There’s the scribbling of markers from the queens around Nina (who like to think he’s got this answer down blind.)
“Okay, pens down. Shangela? This season, the queens will also have to…”
“I knew what y’all were looking for, because y’all are nasty…” Shangela turns her card around. “But I’m a lady, so I said they’d have to ‘tuck’ each other.”
“Tuck each other!”
“Sometimes a girl needs a helping hand, mama.”
“Ain’t that the truth. Let’s see if we have any matches! Katya, what did you say?”
Ivy looks a bit startled to be called on first, but she beams with her red lips, flips her card over. “I said eat each other. To consume each other’s power and fill the gaping void that lives -” She pats her chest. “Right here.”
Katya (the real Katya) shrieks, but Ru shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, that’s not a match.”
“Da,” Ivy says solemnly, in her terrible Russian accent. “Da. It never is match. Like me and Trixie. Match but… No match.”
And, okay, Nina might imagine it, but it seems like the studio goes eerily quiet as everyone waits for Trixie’s reaction. She’s smiling, but it looks forced. Katya clears her throat but laughs, which seems to dispel the weird tension that formed.
Ru, oblivious to the entire thing, moves on. “Miss Vaaaanjie, what did you say?”
Nina sighs and flips his card, feeling pretty pleased with himself. “I said date each other. You know, I still be lookin’ for that Notebook shit.”
“Oh yeah, we know. No more Post-Its, right?”
“No more Post-Its, never again. I ain’t got the time, Mary!” He glances over at Brooke, raises his eyebrows seductively. “Hey, how you doin’?” Behind him, the real Vanjie mumbles something under his breath.
“I’m sorry, my dear, that’s not a match.”
“Bitch, it might be!” Nina says, still looking at Brooke, and Ru bends over laughing, stomping his foot into the ground. It’s adrenaline, it’s power, it’s like Nina knows this challenge is his.
“You ain’t even know!” he continues, channeling angry Vanessa as much as possible. “Just ‘cause one tall blonde bitch did me wrong don’t mean they all will. Shit.” Nina crosses his arms over his chest, leans back in his chair, sees Brooke duck his head and blink rapidly a few times.
That might have been too much. He just got caught in the moment and… Fuck. Dial it back a little, but stay focused.
“Moving on to Aquaria,” Ru says. Aquaria, this season the queens will have to BLANK each other.”
“I said ‘copy each other,” Cracker says tightly, in Aquaria’s low voice. “And it’s too bad Miz Cracker isn’t here. Maybe then she would have won something.”
“Oho!” Ru laughs, a bit scandalized. “Not a match, my dear.”
Cracker shrugs and throws the card over her shoulder. “Someone save that so I can call and ask Cracker if she wants more of my sloppy seconds.”
“Adore Delanoooo!” Ru trills the last syllable as he turns to Shea, who tosses the long green waves over her shoulder.
She flashes Ru one of Adore’s signature winking, mouth-open, tongue-out smiles with a peace sign.
“What did you write down, darling?”
“I said ‘party with each other,’” Shea drawls in Adore’s affected tone, adding more fry than is entirely necessary, but it gets the point across. She’s goofy and perfect.
“Party with each other,” Ru repeats.
“Yeah! I mean, you guys all look super cool. I’d hang out with you, smoke a blunt, eat some pizza. You know, party!”
Ru tsks. “Sounds like a great Tuesday night, but unfortunately not a match.” He turns to face the contestants, where Katya is sitting with her hands folded primly on her stack of cards. “Back to Katya! In All Stars Season 3, BenDeLaCreme shocked the judges by sending herself home. This season, Michelle Visage will shock everyone by BLANKING herself.”
Katya takes a minute to ponder, pressing her index finger to her lips then writes something on her card. Nina and the other queens follow suit, and when their time is up, Katya is smiling ferociously.
“Let’s see what our contestant put down. Katya?” Ru faces her. “Michelle Visage will shock everyone by doing what?”
Katya clears her throat. “I could have gone the obvious route, you know.”
“Obviously,” Ru says.
“Instead, I said, ‘sacrificing herself.’”
“Sacrificing herself?”
“With fire. To the Gods, honey.”
“Okay… Any particular God?”
“…Satan.”
“Of course. Let’s go to our queens. Detox, this season Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”
Brooke flips his card over. “I said motorboating herself. I mean, if anyone could do it -”
“I don’t know how shocking that would be… but either way, I’m sorry, not a match. Vanessa Vanjie Mateo! What did you say, my dear?”
Nina flips over his card. “I said cloning herself.”
“Cloning herself?”
“Mmm-hmm. Need two of her to manage your ass.”
Ru laughs, and Nina thanks every God he knows the name of. The burn landed!
“And now she got that done, she’s gonna clone me some Canadian bacon.”
“Is that right?”
“Hell yeah it is.” Nina does not look at Brooke or Vanjie. “But only the good parts, baby. Trim all the fat; I’m a growing girl, need more protein in my diet.”
“Bitch, you couldn’t handle that much protein,” Vanjie-as-Valentina cuts in, and Ru fans himself.
“A controversial question! Let’s go to Monique Heart, see what she said. Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”
“I said believing in herself.” Asia-as-Monique-turns her face to the camera. “Like I believe in myself, America. And that’s why I’d like to take this moment to announce my run for office.”
“Which office is that?”
“Whichever.” Asia’s got Monique’s flighty passion down perfectly. “One of the big ones, you know. And thank you, America, for your trust. I won’t let you down.”
Ru reads the last question of the night. “In All Stars Season 4, history was made when we celebrated the first Drag Race double crowning. This season, we’ll be making history with a double BLANK.”
Shangela is already shaking her head knowingly. There’s a scrabble of writing from the queens.
“Ladies, pens down. Shangela?”
“I’m giving the people what they want, Ru. I ain’t proud. I had to say a double fisting.”
“Did you really have to say it though?”
“Actually, mama, I did. The PAs have my children.”
“Ha! All right ladies, let’s see if we have any matches. Adore Delano. This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”
Shea holds up her card proudly. “I said the first double… elimination.”
Ru is quiet for a moment. “That’s actually been done before.”
“It has?”
“A couple of times, actually.”
“Oh.” Shea is unfazed. “Well. I don’t watch the show.”
Ru wheeze laughs, and so does Nina.
“I mean, I don’t know who any of you people are.”
“Sorry, Adore. Not a match.”
Shea shrugs, flashes a peace sign.
“What about you Katya?” Ru moves over to Ivy.
“Well, I thought about what Trixie and I like to do behind the scenes of ‘UNHhhh’ and I just had to put - fisting!” She flips her card.
“It’s a match!” Ru exclaims.
Everyone is laughing, but Nina can’t help check out the subjects of Ivy’s joke. The real Katya Zamo is smiling but - her teeth look clenched. And over with the mentors, Trixie Mattel is not smiling at all. She’s staring at her hands in her lap, systematically picking at the baby pink polish that adorns her fingernails. Hopefully none of the cameras pick up on that.
“I’ll see you later tonight!” Ivy continues, pointing at Trixie. There’s a halfway amused smile on Trixie’s face right away, but Nina feels like he was punched in the stomach. Something’s going on between the two of them, clearly. It hurts to watch - not like watching Vanjie and Brooke hurts (that’s more like watching two attractive bricks smash together). But Trixie and Katya - there’s so much history there. So much darkness. And God knows enough people have been convinced they’re in love -
“Monique Heart, what did you put down? This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”
“I said the first double crowning, dahling.”
“I’m sorry Monique, we already did that as well.”
“I know y’all did it, but I feel like it didn’t really count because my ass wasn’t wearing one of those crowns. It should have been me, and that’s a fact, America. And facts are - what? Facts.”
Ru laughs for a moment before turning to Nina. “What about Miss Vaaaanjie?”
“I said the first double wedding. And before y’all even ask: I do.” Nina glances over at Brooke, hoping he isn’t hitting this note a bit too hard.
“You do? Who’s the other happy couple?”
Ivy interrupts before Nina can answer. “Trixie! I’ve been meaning to ask you!”
“Oh honey,” Trixie calls out, looking flushed and uncomfortable. “I know I said I’d give more to charity this year, honey, but my generosity has limits.”
Behind her podium, Katya’s face is absolutely expressionless.
“Well, queens, we’re out of time,” Ru announces. “Which means the winner is… Xanax! Talk to your pharmacist. See you next time on the Snatch Game!”
Nina throws ‘deuces’ at the cameras as they get some closing B-roll, keeping up his Vanjie-persona until the very end. As soon as the director yells “cut!” Nina lets out the breath he’s been holding for the past two hours. God, it went by fast, but now he’s feeling every second of it. His muscles ache like he ran a marathon this morning and then tried kick-boxing for the first time.
“Nice work, ladies,” P.A.’s are congratulating them as they leave the set, but Nina barely hears a word. He de-drags, does some of the talking head interviews he loves so much (has to look shady about Nina B.’s performance, and worried about Brooke. Nina doesn’t put on an act or anything - he is kinda worried about Brooke. Brooke did ‘okay’ - better than Celine for sure - but didn’t stand out the way some of the other queens did. And if Brooke goes home tomorrow night - fuck. Nina doesn’t quite know how he feels about that).
Brooke was also kind of weird as they took off their paint in the Werk Room. Nina thought at first that he was in his head about the Snatch Game, but now he’s starting to wonder if his answers as Vanjie might have fucked Brooke up a bit. He hasn’t had a chance to address it, but he’s going to have to tomorrow, just to make sure they’re cool. He thinks it will be okay. He’s pretty sure. Basically. Almost positive.
Nina might be working through some latent confidence issues as he pushes himself for four miles on the elliptical later that night in the hotel (work through the pain, he reminds himself), but it’s fine really. Nothing to see here. Move along.
His legs ache and his face drips sweat, but he feels—good, actually. Solid about his performance. (He did last year, too, but he’s trying not to think about that.)
Dolly is singing about ways to make a living in his ears. He’s not assuming - but he is preparing. Just in case. If he has to lipsync for his legacy, he wants to be ready. Wants to win this one more than any other challenge, and call him crazy, but he feels like there’s a real chance. He can’t pinpoint why exactly, but there’s some kind of feeling settling down into his bones, making him think that maybe maybe maybe—
Underneath that, something uncomfortable has wormed its way into his psyche. It has almost nothing to do with the actual competition. It’s stupid and predictable and oh-so-not what he should be concerned with while on the set of All Stars for Christ’s sake. But he is and he’s here and he’s feeling things, and Nina taught himself a long time ago that feeling things fully for a while and then letting them go is far more beneficial to his mental health than taking the Brooke route and bottling everything up and burying it under vodka cranberries and couch cushions.
So sure. Okay. He’s feeling some kind of way about this thing that he saw that he wasn’t even supposed to see and isn’t even any of his business, but that’s just Nina’s luck for you. So that’s what he focuses on (or tries not to) as he turns up the resistance and pushes through the last of his workout.
He’d risked a glance back at Monét right before the PAs had shoved them off the soundstage. He’s in the business of gem collecting now, savoring those moments, polishing them up for later use, and maybe he wanted a ruby tinted the exact shade of Monét’s lipstick as they’d smiled across the room at each other.
Instead, he’d seen Monét reaching out to Shangela, crimson lips puckered, arms outstretched, ready for the kiss Nina couldn’t make himself watch.
Maybe they had kissed, Nina didn’t know; he’d made himself turn away before he could inflict any more psychological damage on himself. (He’s choosing healthier options now, remember.)
Of course they hadn’t had a moment after the last runway. Why would he think that? When Monét could have anyone he wants, and Nina is practically an amorphous blob. Like. He knows drag queens are all touchy-cuddly most of the time, and he knows that there’s probably nothing going on between Monét and pretty, perfect, halleloo-ing Shangela. But there could be, right? And goddamn, that would actually make sense. As opposed to whatever madness was going on in Nina’s head last night.
He adds even more resistance to the elliptical - just for “fun.” Or maybe spite. And yeah, okay, one night of really solid work in the hotel gym isn’t going to turn him into Naomi Smalls with legs up to his asshole or anything, but it’s a start. And the sooner Nina can convince himself that he isn’t doing this for Monét (or anyone other than himself because he likes exercise, damn it), the better.
He’s a grown-ass adult. He recognizes delusion when he sees it in the mirror every morning. It’s time to face facts—he and Monét had one (wondrously) sensual, albeit (incredibly) drunken night months ago. Monét had left the ball in Nina’s court. Nina was too chickenshit to do anything about it. Now they’re tentative friends (Monét is his mentor after all), Nina might be going crazy (this whole bursting-into-song-but-not-really thing has gone too far), and it’s all just so messy.
Nina wipes his face, stretches, and heads out of the hotel gym. He probably looks like a sweaty disaster (okay, there’s no ‘probably’ about it) and he’s waiting for the elevator down to the floor with his room, when the doors “ding” open and he’s face to face with Monét.
Could be worse. Could be Branjie again.
“Get in loser, we’re going drinking!” Monét says, with a wide smile on his face.
He’s so fucking charming that Nina momentarily forgets that he himself is a hot damn mess. Literally, like hot. Dripping with sweat.
“Um.” He gets into the elevator anyway because - he’s gotta go somewhere. “Are we?”
“If you want.” Monét gets strangely shy as soon as the elevator doors close. Or maybe that’s just in Nina’s mind. “Was the Mean Girls reference too much? I feel like maybe it’s played out.”
Nina laughs out loud, awkwardness momentarily forgotten. Monét never seems anything but confident and composed, and that one moment of doubt is - surprisingly endearing.
Not that confident, composed Monét isn’t completely endearing as well. Like. It’s all good. It all works a little too well for Nina. Everything about Monét is working a little too well for Nina lately.
Shit, the elevator is moving, decision-making time is limited.
“I kinda look like - this?” Nina waves a hand at his damp self.
“Fine as hell, girl,” Monét says with a grin, “and no pressure, obviously. Though if I’m drinking alone at the hotel bar, it’s going to look a little sad. And, look, I can make sad work for me, that’s not a problem. But after the day I’ve had -”
“Oh, the day you’ve had. Yeah, I forgot how stressful it must have been. Competing on a reality show and all that.”
“Fuck off. Uh oh, we’re passing your floor -”
“How do you know which floor is mine?”
Monét blinks at him, briefly speechless, mouth agape. (It makes something spark like a firework in Nina’s chest, shoot colours across the night sky.) The moment passes and then Monét doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed, just smiles like a gorgeous monster as he taps his temple. “That’s classified mentor information.”
“Yeah?”
“Hell yeah. You don’t want to know about my top-secret dossier.”
“No, I - don’t.”
“You sure you don’t?” Monét winks at him, and the elevator dings as it reaches the ground floor. “Ah, shit, missed your stop. Better come do shots with me.”
“I mean, I could just press the button again.” Nina doesn’t know why he’s resisting, he wants to get tipsy with Monét more than he wants to do most things (aside from win All Stars and run for office someday maybe).
“Nah, girl, this elevator only goes down. One-way elevator. Sorry, should have told you.”
“Guess I’m out of options.”
“Guess so.”
They look at each other. Nina remembers the man that asked him up to his room the night of the finale. Nina remembers the taste of his mouth, the way Monét kept kissing him, like he couldn’t get enough. Nina -
- is clearly exhausted. And still delusional. But fuck it.
They go to the hotel bar (isn’t this how all the bad stories start?) and Monét buys them both a tequila sunrise and tells Nina way more than he should about Trixie Mattel.
“So her man and her are split. She’s feeling some kind of way about it.”
“Of course she is. Haven’t they been together for, like, ever?”
“Something like that. Fuck.” Monét drains his drink, motions for another round. “We’ve been talking about it, but I’m not - you know. I love her, she’s incredible, but - I’m not - her best friend.”
“You’re not Katya,” Nina says quietly, and Monét scrubs his hands over his face.
“Yeah. That.”
“So why isn’t she talking to Katya, then? You guys have your phones; Katya’s here now, for Christ’s sake.”
Monét shrugs. “Beats me.”
“Are they -” Nina doesn’t have any right to this information, but - he figures that Monét wants to talk about it. “Potentially… do you think -”
“Who the fuck knows? Honestly, when I said I’d come back to do this show, I did not think it would be like being in high school again. Like who is crushing on who, who is hooking up, it -” He darts a look over at Nina and then snaps his mouth shut. “I mean.”
Nina looks away. Finishes his second drink a bit too quickly. “You want another?”
“Okay,” Monét answers before Nina can even finish the sentence.
The bartender is particularly attentive, gets another round in front of them right away. He’s got a lot of smiles for them both, says, “This round’s on me, I’m a huge fan,” as he walks off to help another customer, and Nina - can’t help it, he’s a masochist - raises an eyebrow at Monét.
“Think you’ve got an admirer.”
“Yeah?” Monét rolls his eyes. “More like you do.”
“Should we turn this into an awful romantic comedy where we make a bet about who he likes more?”
Monét laughs like he’s shocked at himself. “Girl! Okay, but what happens at the end? Who wins?”
“Well, if we’re following the formula, we probably both realize that real love was right in front of - you know, I don’t know. You, you win.” Fuck fuck fuck, what the hell is Nina even saying? He watched too many Hallmark movies last Christmas. “That voice, that ass, right?” He tries to make it into a joke, even with Monét’s eyes all honeyed and serious on his face.
Monét purses those perfect lips, presses them into a semi-smile. “Just… didn’t want to assume nothing.”
They talk for another couple drinks, and it’s - shit, it’s easy. It’s never this easy with someone Nina likes. He knows he can be funny, knows he can bring out the charm (with the right amount of alcohol in his system) but usually if there are feelings involved it all goes to hell. Nina gets weird and in his head and laughs too loudly and spills his drink everywhere.
But with Monét - it shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be this easy, especially with all the longing covering up the background like terrible flowered wallpaper. It shouldn’t be this easy for Nina to stop over-thinking things and just exist in the presence of this gorgeous person.
But it is. It is easy. That’s the worst part of it all.
Monét is laughing and grabbing for his arm (just like finale night in the other hotel bar) and there’s heat in Nina’s cheeks that isn’t just from the alcohol, and Monét’s lips are glistening and wet as he pulls the straw between them and sips every last bit of the cocktail into his mouth.
Nina swallows thickly, leans into the sound of Monét’s deep rumbling laugh, reaches for his knee when he starts to slip off the hotel barstool.
How many drinks are they in now? Four? Five? More? The room is spinning.
Nina is laughing. Light, airy. Not giggling exactly but laughing and his cheeks are burning and Monét is looking at him through narrowed eyes.
“Be careful, Nina West,” Monét says, and his voice is low and dangerous. “Be careful lookin’ at people like that. They might get… ideas.”
Nina’s breath hitches in his throat and he swallows hard. “Ideas?”
“I might get ideas.” Monét smiles crookedly; his eyes are half-closed and sleepy as he rests his chin on his hand and leans against the bar. “You never texted me.”
Nina’s so glad he’s drunk. So glad he missed his floor, even if it has led to this. Because this conversation, this thing has hung between them for the entirety of filming and it hasn’t been uncomfortable exactly (because they’re adults, thank you very much), but it hasn’t been wonderful either. And Nina more than anything wants to rewind back to May, go to lunch, talk about anything and everything and nothing with Monét until they fall back into hotel sheets and kiss and kiss and kiss until—
“Why didn’t you ever text me?”
Nina clears his throat. “I was… I… I wanted to.”
“But?” Monét’s eyes are wide and pleading now. Still glassy with the alcohol, but inquisitive, bright, waiting to see how Nina is going to explain himself.
Nina is too, to be honest.
So he shakes his head. “I don’t know. Honestly. I don’t have a good reason. I wanted to. I should have.”
Monét ducks his head, takes the paper straw from his drink and twirls it between his middle and ring finger. It sends tiny droplets of tequila sunrise all over the wooden bartop.
“I thought about that night a lot, Nina West,” Monét says quietly, wiping at the droplets with a damp beverage napkin. “I don’t do that. That’s not like me.”
“Me either,” Nina says.
Nina knows that if they were sober this would be a very different conversation. There would definitely be more emotions, there might even be some yelling (although that doesn’t really seem like Monét’s thing and he’s never been one to raise his voice, so maybe not). Either way, they aren’t sober, and now they’re the sleepy kind of drunk and exhausted, so they just sit there at the bar staring at each other, not sure what to say next.
“Why’d you pick me?” Nina finally asks. “For the competition? Because of… that night?”
Monét shrugs and pulls his credit card out of the back pocket of his jeans. “Just wanted to win, girl. That’s it.”
“Shit, I don’t have—”
Monét waves him off. “I got it. Consider it after-hours mentoring.”
Nina thanks him repeatedly as they stand (clumsily) and make their way out of the hotel bar (stumblingly) and back to the elevator. When the doors shut behind them, Nina has a brief flash of all the things that two consenting adults can get up to in an elevator (some of which he has seen in recent days). But no. No. They had their chance, right? The ship has sailed.
Nina’s room is a few floors beneath the mentors’ (apparently), so he steps off before Monét.
“Can you find your way back to your room?” Monét asks, and Nina wishes he could says ‘no. No, I’m going to get completely lost, no, I’ll fall down every two steps if I don’t have you holding me up. No, I need you to linger in my doorway, I need to panic about whether I should try to kiss you goodnight, I need to think about inviting you in.
(I wouldn’t. Of course I wouldn’t. So - unprofessional. But - it’d be nice to think about.)’
“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’ll manage.”
Monét grins. Nina likes to think there’s a bit of disappointment around the edges of it, but he’s also a couple drinks in, and wears the rosiest of glasses at the best of times.
“Thanks for the company and conversation, Nina West.”
Nina nods. Doesn’t touch him, doesn’t look over his shoulder at Monét as he leaves the elevator.
But he doesn’t go back to his room either.
He wanders the hotel. Presses the down button and gets on a different elevator a few minutes later.
Nina’s going to regret this tomorrow when he’s exhausted, but he just can’t imagine shutting himself in his dark little room and lying down right now. He’s vibrating, on edge. It’s a bad idea, because there’s nothing more depressing than a silent hotel after midnight - something about the lateness of the hour makes all the shine come off. Nina’s feet lead him down one hallway and down another, and he doesn’t realize he’s heading to their usual breakfast-conference room until he hears… music?
Yes, there’s definitely music coming out of there, the casual strumming of a stringed instrument that doesn’t have anywhere to go. Someone might be humming too, it’s hard to tell from a distance.
Nina follows the sound.
The door is open, just a bit, and all the lights are on. Sitting alone in the room is Trixie Mattel, bent in concentration over her autoharp.
Out of drag, she looks smaller, more vulnerable. It’s clear just how young she is. She’s picking at a tune, murmuring something under her breath. Nina suddenly feels a warm breeze against his skin, and the melody that Trixie’s playing becomes clearer, a delicate bluegrass riff that would be at home on Nina’s old Emmylou Harris or Linda Ronstadt records.
Along with the warm breeze comes a gust of dandelion seeds, floating through the hallway like tiny wisps of cotton. Nina feels like he’s alone with Trixie in the middle of a waving wheat field, sun-baked and desolate. He can smell the cracked soil beneath his feet, hear the sound of crickets chirping in time with Trixie’s brittle melody.
Oh no. That thing is happening again.
Trixie starts to sing:
“You’re the brightest star in any room.
I’m never lonelier than when I’m with you.
I miss something that’s never happened.
I miss a place I’ve never been to.”
Her voice is quiet at first, but it grows louder.
“There are some bridges that you cannot cross
Say it again ‘til I convince myself
But all this certainty it feels like loss.
I wouldn’t risk this much for no one else.”
Trixie gets to her feet, starts walking through the wheatfield as she sings the chorus.
“And there’s a wide field between us
How you traveled all those miles without me I don’t understand
I’m always on the edge of falling
And you could pull me over just by reaching out your hand
If you’d only take that chance.”
She keeps plucking at the harp, and Nina feels words welling up inside him, ready to spill from his mouth (when he starts singing, he’s thinking of Monét. Because of course he is.)
“This sort of thing, it don’t come easy
I never know just what to do or say
It feels impossible, believe me
That you would ever look at me that way.”
He thinks of Monét’s lips on Shangela’s after the Snatch Game. He thinks of Monét’s eyes on him at the bar. (“Be careful lookin’ at people like that, Nina West.”)
“There are some bridges that you cannot cross
I built up walls around this paper heart
But when I see you I forget it
All of the reasons we should be apart.”
Trixie harmonizes along with Nina as he sings the chorus.
“And there’s a wide field between us
How I traveled all these miles, baby, I don’t understand
I’m always on the edge of falling
And you could pull me over by just reaching out your hand
But could I ever take that chance?”
Nina sings the last line one more time, feeling the weight of his hopeless longing rising like a tide inside his chest. “If you’d only take that chance…”
“Nina?”
“Um.”
Trixie is sitting in the conference room, staring at him. She’s holding her autoharp but there’s no flowing wheatfields or whatever. Somehow Nina ended up in the doorway, just standing there. Fuck’s sake. Is he dissociating? Musically??? This is unbearable.
“How long have you been there?” Trixie asks, confused.
“Um, just got - here, so -” Nina’s face is probably turning bright red, and he’s hoping against that he hasn’t just been shouting song lyrics blankly at a terrified Trixie Mattel for the past few minutes. “Are you okay?”
Trixie winces. Then she nods.
“Yeah, of course. Just - yes. Couldn’t sleep. Figuring some - stuff out. You?”
“Just - you know. Having an emotional spiral.”
“Oh honey…” Trixie’s smiling but her voice is soft and sad. “My first perm was an emotional spiral, honey.”
Nina laughs in a brittle way, because 1) Trixie’s hilarious and 2) it’s obvious she’s trying to make him feel better.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not right now,” Trixie sighs, shakes her head. “But thanks.”
Nina leaves her to it. After - whatever that just was - he feels ready to crash at long last. He’s still a bit buzzed from the tequila, but his nervous energy has banked, and he heads back to his room. He’s ready to sleep, ready to deal with tomorrow when it gets here.
So of course, there’s someone waiting for him outside his room.
“Nina West.” Maya the P.A. gives him a slow, broad smile the moment he comes into view. “Found your way back, hey? Great. We need to talk.”
Interlude: Trixie
Conversation with:
swamp thing
i cunt believe i agreed to this
Fuck autocorrect CANT
It knows what you REALLY MEANT
It knew i was texting you and assumed
I’ll take it
You’ll take anything
I ain’t proud mama
I’m hunnnnnngry
For serious though, things okay there?
For serious serious
4 C-ri-us
GROSS
That’s gonna be my dj name
Please welcome to the stage
Why do I talk to you
Why do i even know you
Yes things are find its just weird
Being back on set
And like also runnign a business and
planning a tour and all of it. At least
they let us keep our phones
Must be hard being successful
I’m crying for you
I didn’t know you could still produce tears
I squeeze em out
Like milking a cow
Just need the right suction
Stop talking to me
What can you say that you won’t get sued for
I want drama
Who’s fisting who
Ha monet wishes she was fisting someone
Shes like middle school crushing on a queen here
Its kinda cute and sad
If love isn’t pathetic i don’t want it
And there’s last seasons whole thing
#branjie
sell those hats
That is not about hats
I saw them at a show in LA last summer
They’re fucked up in love, mama
IN LOVE???
Who even are you
I’m a person who has eyes
that can see things
Are they not together? They’re togther right?
NOPE
Are you fucking kidding
I don’t believe it
Since when are you this romantic
I’m not romantic
I have no romance in my bones
It’s just OBVIOUS
Well not to them
SO
Ahhhh the gays
When will we figure our shit out
Realize what’s right in front of us
You gone?
Yeah sorry
Going to pass out
Don’t die or anything
Whiel i’m gone
Aren’t you sweet
Conversation with:
sure thing
Doing anything fun tonight?
Or just missing me
Babe?
Ok sorry filming again
Call you on break
Do not let me do this again
I don’t care what they offer me
(id o care what they offer me)
Breaks over talk to you after?
How was your day?
Call me if you want
I’m done for the night
Just getting white girl wasted alone
In my hotel room
At the mini bar yes i’m that famous now
I’m gonna crash call me if you get this
Love u
Conversation with:
swamp thing
I dreamt that i was in a bsatroom
At mcdonalds that one you puked in
After the show in philadelphia
Do you remember? Probably not
And you were there and fucking
Gordon ramsay was there (!!!)
And he wad hitting on you
And i wasd so pissed off
And thrn this lady came in and was like
‘You can’t be in here, this is for ronald only” And i fully shot her with a GUN
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TRACY
I just woke up and feel like a monster
She was just doing her job
Ronald mcdonald needs his private shitter
And i just killed her
I killed a living dream person
Thank you for sharing this with me
I feel so close to you right now
Yeah i don’t confess dream murder
to just ayone
But WHAT DOES IT MEAN???
Latent Ronald mcdonald fetish
Clearly
I’m not a doctor or anythng
But i’m sorry you’re dying
Yep yep makes sense
I always knew it would end like this
fuck/marry/kill
me/gordan ramsay/ronald mcD
(you wanna know what the D stands for)
No i want to sleep
For 3 more hours
But i’m on reality tv again
You should havw stopped me
Maybe this dream was a warning!
I’m supposed to save you
From endng up on Chopped
What did you dream about?
U have to tell me even if it’s sexy
That’s the law
Another teeth falling out one
Mama you know that’s my kink
Conversation with:
sure thing
Good morning sexy thing
I’m so tiiiiiired
Don’t make me get up yet
Hey are u alive?
Yes
Yay u r alive!
I called u yesterday night
And at lunch
U ok?
Did u get my messages?
yes
Ok
Can i call you?
I miss your voice
I cant talk right now
Sorry
Ok
I’ll call you tonight
After filming?
Sure
Love u gorgeous
Hey just called left a message
Give me a shout later
I miss you
Brian
Have you seen the pics
from the MTV Movie Awards?
Ummm ok
No i’ll look them up
Ok
Fuck my lashes are so uneven
U breaking up with me over lashes
Lol
U and kat are pretty cuddly
Haha
are u being serious
Ur joking
Are u ok? Can i call u?
I’m out right now
Call you when i get home
Ok
But we’ve talked about this before right
U know we’re friends
Me and Kat
We’re just friends
U know this
Yeah i have lots of friends
And we don’t hold hands and kiss eachother
All the fucking time
So we’re fdoing this over text?
Is that what we’re doing
No i’ll call u later
Call me ok? I love u
U cannot be jealous of katya
She’s my Business Partner
And it’s DRAG
We touch each otehr all the time
We all do
Gotta go call u later
Conversation with:
swamp thing
Can we talk?
Not if ur busy
Let me just stop blowing this senator
And kick the clowns out
And get thes handcuffs off
No i’m not worth it
Keep these good things goin
It was winding down anyway
Gettin awkward
I have yoga tomorrow
Whats up pussycat
This is gonna sound really weird
Have you seen the pics of us
from the movie awwrds
Probably blocked them out
why????
am i like a troll
No more than usual
David texted me about them
And he’s all pissed off??
Because of us holding hands
Like so so stupid right
WHAT???!
Thats crazy!
Im so sorry
This isn’t the handmaids tale
He can calm his tits
(sorry, not to attack him just) Has he seen our shows??
What did you tell him
To fucking call me!!!
And he hasn’t
And i’m on this stupid set and can’t just go
See him and convince him how crazy he is
I’m so sorry
Do you want me to call him
I’ll call him
Tell me what to say
No don’t
Don’t worry
Its fine
I’ll talk to him
Conversation with:
swamp thing
Hey are you awake
If youre awake call me
david and I are done
over the phone
FUN
sorry you’re clearly asleep
I’m just a little drunk
brian
he said some things
that ive been thinking about
maybe call me tomorrow if u can
guess ill see you soon anyway
dont die while im gone
miss u
31 notes · View notes
natsumi-no-hotaru · 5 years
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Chihayafuru #38: Pining for you in my dreams 
AKA. In which Chi-chan held her own against the silent and steady waves that were Ousaka Megumu.
[Previously: The Kanachi sailed home on winds of the last summer day.]
"In my dreams, I creep closer to you” or “ Yume no Kayoiji Hitomeyo kuran” is certainly one of those quintessential episodes that encapsulate the best of Chihayafuru:  intense, high-stakes-in-all-ways-that-matter matches, challenging opponents, underdogs that refuse to step down, beautiful displays of team spirit, engaging commentators, and last but not least, off-the-roof tension. I can’t recall the last time, or if ever, a karuta team match lasted for more than 2 episodes - not even the super close, luck-of-the-draw match against Hokuo at the regional tournament. By the end of Chihayafuru #38, the match was still far from decided, with Chi-chan leveling Ousaka’s card lead in a tug-of-war battle and Ousaka, jerked awake by Chi-chan’s intensity, finally finding some real personal motivation for playing that goes beyond making her teammates happy. 
On catching and losing momentum: take 1
“The opponent’s lower right one-syllable cards are always special. You’re taking a card from under their nose. It’s so fun! Ayase’s got the momentum now.”
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Love Sudo-san!! Lmao, poor senpai alumni. 
Picking up from last episode, Chi-chan tenaciously held on to her offensive karuta and succeeded in taking two consecutive cards to the amazement of our avid commentators. 
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Astroboy is such a sweetheart - and there was way more people watching Chi-chan’s match than expected, including the foreigner students (who spoke Japanese better than English) from Mizusawa’s first prelim match!
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It was a clean win for Chi-chan, whose incredible hearing allowed her to dismiss the “Swift” card on Ousaka’s left and go straight for the “Silent” card on her opponent’s right without any hesitation. She successfully emulated Shi-chan’s swipe to hit the card on its corner, too, which was really new and exciting. But things would not go so easy, especially when she was facing such a calm and unflappable opponent like Ousaka. Immediately after she turned to celebrate her momentary victory with Kana-chan, she lost her focus and was not able to keep up her winning streak.  
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One of the funniest moments of the episode came when both Chi-chan and Ousaka touched a card at the same time and Nishida and Kana-chan pushed her to contest the card. The advice Nishida gave is certainly sound - the point of contesting is not always to get the card itself but to shake up your opponent, put them in hot water and all. 
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But since she was already so uncomfortable with the idea from the start, then wouldn’t this backfire somehow?
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*face palm* 
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I even thought that she might give the card back instead... 
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Instead of Ousaka, Chi-chan was the one who was thrown off the game and the team learnt a valuable lesson, lmao.
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Luckily, the team took to rallying themselves to ease off the pressure on Chi-chan and none with greater enthusiasm than Tsutomu-kun. He always had a good mind for strategy, amply demonstrated in his decision to go after the cards that his opponent would likely to have strong attachment to. In this case, after noticing his opponent using a towel with the name of an idol known for sad love songs, Tsutomu promptly doubled down on cards on broken hearts and struck right where it hurt the most. 
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“I’m gonna find my momentum in the first match.”
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Tsutomu so KAKKOIIIII!!!
It was no easy task for Tsutomu to jump into the game at such a critical juncture, not to mention the self-doubt, anxiety and mental exhaustion he went through earlier. But he was still the one with the most energy left and this was the perfect moment for him to prove that he had as much capacity for leadership and competition as for support.
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Heeding Tsutomu’s call to action, the entire team brought home the card with Kana-chan’s surname - Oe, in a display of synchronicity not seen since their match against the foreign students team from Chiba.
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Struggling with maintaining the said momentum, Chi-chan came to view the elusive momentum as “when you take consecutive cards”. Perhaps it is a little simple-minded but nonetheless a very concrete and measurable goal, which is precisely what she needed. 
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On catching and losing momentum: take 2
It is one thing to define your goal and quite another to achieve it. Right after the team effort to all grab the “While it brings” cards, Chi-chan could not sustain the winning streak. Her opponent remained unperturbed by the cards lost to Chi-chan, all the more so when the gap in terms of cards won was still in her favour.
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But Chi-chan had another card up her sleeve - she slipped beneath Ousaka’s hand and grabbed a multi-syllable card starting with “The”, literally the first of its kind that she got. Her never-seen-before move completely threw Ousaka and the viewers for a loop - where has she been hiding this awesome move?! This happened immediately after an empty was read, at which Chi-chan remained still while Ousaka moved but stopped herself in time. Perhaps she did figure something out after this empty card moment, just like Sudo-san suspected, but regardless of what might have occurred with Chi-chan, it was clear that her hearing was superior to Ousaka’s. 
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Amazingly, Chi-chan got not only 1 multi-syllable card with this trick but two! It was such a wondrous turn of event because multi-syllable cards were supposed to be Chi-chan’s weakness. She was full of surprises, which made for an incredibly exciting episode - there’s absolutely no telling what’d happen next. 
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It was around this point that the viewers got to hear directly from Ousaka and know her without the filter of her coach, her teammates or her obsessive fans. As suggested by her teammate’s musing on whether Ousaka truly wanted to aim for Queen in the previous episode, the First Akashi Girls ace flat out denied any interest in becoming Queen and seemed to enjoy playing karuta for the sake of her team more than for her own gain. She had a strong team spirit, as proven by the headbands she made for her teammates to match with hers, and sought a reassurance of companionship when she was pushed back by Chi-chan’s attacks. These brief glimpses of her fragile side made ripples in the placid waters of her calm demeanour, giving her an unexpectedly child-like aura.
“This is a team match so why am I the only one saying anything?”
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In contrast, Chi-chan was gradually rendered in a more mature light, particularly in light of the growth in her karuta, which was given due recognition by Sudo-san himself. 
“To win, you have to overcome your weaknesses instead of relying on your strengths. How much time has she spent practicing?”
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Picking up from Chi-chan’s recollection of times spent with Kana-chan on poetry appreciation, our sweet girl’s skill boost was further revealed to be the work of the entire team, with Nishida coaching her to better cover her cards and Tsutomu-kun advising her to listen carefully before moving. Surely she still had a long way to go as she still struggled with grabbing 3 consecutive cards and defending her cards against such a composed opponent, but she had outgrown being intimidated by strong players and gained a healthy level of self-assurance in her abilities. Ousaka may have found ways to prevent Chi-chan from breaking her cover for the 3rd time, yet Chi-chan was far from being defeated.
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While calmly noting Ousaka’s good game sense and broad field of vision as well as the need to better her multi-syllable card game, Chi-chan unfailingly kept to Harada-sensei’s teaching, to the karuta that she believed in, undaunted by the challenges posed by Ousaka. 
“Stop taking cards with your speed.”
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I love how shocked Sudo-san was by Chi-chan’s precision strike “one milimeter, one spot, the green border”, its accuracy and speed reminding him of the Queen’s very own swing. Somehow he knows and appreciates Chi-chan’s karuta so deeply, even though he is but an acquaintance and that makes perfect sense, lmao. Amazing writing *tips hat off to Suetsugu-san*
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“She’s who I’d be if someone hadn’t taught me better.”
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The animation is done so beautifully crisp and on point here, it was such a joy to see the swing that Chi-chan worked so hard to get it right. 
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And three consecutive cards.
“There’s nothing flashy about her swing, but it’s accurate.”
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Chi-chan’s sudden power-up took Ousaka out of her comfort zone of playing to make her teammates happy and awoke her personal drive to secure the victory for her own satisfaction. It started as a momentary lapse in doing her captain’s duty of telling everyone to focus on one card at a time and a celebration of her individual card win. She may not desire the position of Queen the way Chi-chan did but she was now fired to win, all the more so for her own pride.
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I still don’t quite enjoy Ousaka as a character but I must say that once again, Chihayafuru and Suetsugu-san had a way with making the initially-not-so-palatable, even uninteresting Ousaka into a character one can tolerate and find some merit. Ousaka is made more human and accessible through her response to the determination and ambition expressed in Chi-chan’s karuta.
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“To be honest, we want to see you succumb to your own desires.”
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“The leader of the team is me. The person who can make everyone happy is me. The one to challenge the queen is me.”
It stands true for both teams that much has been devoted to the growth and improvement of their aces. Against a Ousaka who’s not just going through the motions anymore, it’s gonna be another tough challenge for Chi-chan to overcome, now that she’s got her opponent riled up. 
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Lmao, why did you even bother?
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The episode ended with Chi-chan giving up on the contested card but not with much discomfort. As long as she keeps her chin up and not give in to nerves in the next episode, I’m not too worried. 
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I really want to see Taichi stepping up in the next episode, as well as Tsutomu and Kana-chan getting a win for a change. *crosses fingers*
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Happy International Women’s Day and until the next time then, folks! 
OMAKE
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Truly, sexist much, Nishida? 
4 notes · View notes
alpha-centari27 · 4 years
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SONIC THE HEDGEHOG Exclusive Interview With Star Lee Majdoub About Agent Stone And His Dream Superhero Role
We recently caught up with Sonic the Hedgehog star Lee Majdoub to discuss his breakout role as Dr. Robotnik's sidekick Agent Stone, while he also reveals which superhero he would love the chance to play...
Sonic the Hedgehog proved that the video game movie curse is officially dead as critics and fans alike loved it (you can read our review by clicking here). Throw in the fact that it was a box office hit, and it's fair to say that there's a lot of excitement surrounding the yet to be announced sequel.
After being made available EARLY on Digital platforms, the movie arrives on 4K Ultra HD, Blu-ray, and DVD on May 19th, and to celebrate its release, we recently had the opportunity to catch up with star Lee Madjoub. He plays Agent Stone in Sonic the Hedgehog, and has been hailed as the breakout star (the character, meanwhile, has gained a devoted fan following online).
As the straight man to Jim Carrey's villainous Dr. Robotnik, Madjoub was responsible for many of the funniest exchanges in the film, and made a lasting impact after past memorable roles in TV shows like Supernatural, Zoo, and The 100.
In this interview, we delve into the Robotnik/Stone relationship, his experiences working with Carrey, and even hear a compelling argument for why he could be the Marvel Universe's next Wolverine!
It was great to talk to Lee about Sonic the Hedgehog, and we obviously want to extend a huge thank you to him for taking the time to do this interview happen with everything going on in the world right now. Agent Stone is clearly a role he's passionate about and, after reading this, we're pretty sure you'll also want to see him don those familiar claws...
Were you a fan of the Sonic the Hedgehog games before being cast and what did it mean for you as an actor to join such an iconic franchise?
Yeah, I actually did play Sonic on the SEGA Genesis when I was a kid. It was probably my favourite game growing up, and the SEGA Genesis was the first console I got to call my own. It was extremely surreal to get cast in the movie itself, and then when I found out Jim Carrey was playing Robotnik, and I was gonna be playing his right-hand man, it took it to the next level for me. I also grew up loving Ace Ventura, The Mask, and, well, all of Jim's stuff!
You're very much the straight man to Robotnik, but how do you keep a straight face when Jim Carrey is reeling off lines like the one about how Stone makes his lattes?
It was a challenge to keep a straight face at times, for sure. What was lovely about that set was that everybody was so positive, and having a good time was really welcomed. If we broke or laughed, you didn't feel like you were doing anything wrong, thank goodness! There were a few times, and the scene I remember was when Robotnik sticks the quill to his tongue and electrocutes himself...and then turns to me and offers it to me! I had such a tough time keeping a straight face, so I had to figure out ways to change my facial expression or not quite look at Jim in the eyes in order to get that scene done.
Did you get the opportunity to do much in the way of improv on set?
I did. Fortunately, working with Jim, improv comes with it. The looser he gets, and the more he's figuring out Robotnik, the more permission I had to feed off of whatever he was doing. That was really welcome, and it was amazing to be able to say, 'Oh my gosh, I'm getting to improvise with Jim Carrey, one of the greatest at it.' Some of the stuff didn't work with Agent Stone, but we got to flesh it out and have a lot of fun, nonetheless. Sometimes in the movie, you didn't get to see the improv, but then some of the improv does actually make it in there!
Did you find playing an original character without ties to the video game series freeing as there weren't any specific expectations from fans?
I think it was a little bit of both, to be honest. In the cartoons, he's got Orbot and Snively in certain versions, and when you're playing someone that already exists, you have a little bit of something to feed off. You go, 'Okay, this is what the character is like, so I can take some hints there.' With Agent Stone, there's also the element of freedom where there's nothing pre-established so you could do whatever works within the realm of the story after discussions with Jeff Fowler, who was our amazing director, and the writers and Jim. It was definitely fun not to be tied into anything and feed off Jim, for sure, and then what was on the page for us, was all you ended up seeing in the movie. Stone was, I wouldn't say last minute, but through the last few drafts, Stone was written in to give Jim someone to talk to. He was the straight man in the movie, but through discussions with Jim and Jeff and Toby [Ascher], our fantastic producer, we were able to flesh out the story a bit and figure out the relationships, and it turned into what you see now.
I feel like it's fair to say that you were the movie's breakout star, but were you surprised by the reaction fans have had to Agent Stone?
Yeah, I never ever imagined Agent Stone would have this much backing from the fans. Even before the movie came out, you'd see him once in a trailer, but people started to really stick by him. A lot of fans were like, 'We are Agent Stone, and he is us.' We've all had to work with that boss who doesn't appreciate you, and you get hired for one reason, but all they want you to do is make coffee! It was really surprising and it's still very surreal. There's a lot of engagement, and a lot of fan-art out there that I'm so appreciative of and it blows me away every time I see a new art piece come out. 
It seemed Robotnik hated everyone other than Stone, and he even finds a new Agent Stone on the mushroom planet, so I was wondering what you think it is that makes your character different to everyone else in Robotnik's life?
[Laughs] You know what, to me, I think Stone sees something in Robotnik that no one else does. There's this utter respect he has for Robotnik, and he lets him get away with a lot like the hand going into the mouth and the throat chop. Stone understands that this is Robotnik, and this is what he needs to do his thing. What I also love about Stone is that he judges Robotnik at times too, so I feel like there's a respect there, but I think Stone is unwavering and always there for him and it probably forces Robotnik to have to be okay with it.
Were you surprised to watch that mid-credits scene and see that Agent Stone had been replace with, well, a stone?
The day I wrapped on set was the day before I shot that scene. I was there when they were coming up with the ideas, and Jim was talking to them saying, 'What if he has another Agent Stone? Like a Wilson from Castaway?' It was so funny, and I saw them putting the moss beard on there. I laughed really hard. There's flattery there too as Robotnik needs Stone in some way, shape, or form in order to continue doing what he's doing. No matter how much he denies needing anybody, I think Robotnik kind of needs Stone there even though he's not willing to admit it.
Were there any scenes you shot which were particularly memorable for you that you didn't ultimately make the final cut?
Honestly, all of my major scenes made the cut. I'm so grateful for that. It's really hard to pick a favourite scene out of all that stuff as it was all with Jim, and there was always something to do and something memorable between the two characters in every scene we did. Even when he asks if I see anything on the screen and I'm like, 'Nothing at all,' and he responds with, 'That's right, it's because you weren't trained by the Native American shadow wolves!' Even in that moment, Agent Stone gives him this look, and there was always some fun to be had. Ultimately, I think the latte scene...the Austrian goat milk latte scene is my favourite just because that whole dance leads up to this one moment and it's the only time in this movie that Robotnik actually pays Stone a compliment even though it's berated and he yells at him.
You've spent some time in the Marvel Universe voicing Harry Osborn in the Absolute Carnage shorts, but would a live-action superhero movie role interest you, and do you have any characters in mind?
Ohh, that's a really good question! I grew up loving Wolverine. That's always been one of those childhood dreams of mine. If I get the chance...I don't know, there might be fan outcry or whatever, but you know, I'm a little bit hairy! I've got the bushy eyebrows! I'm Canadian! I qualify in certain ways. I'm shorter than Hugh Jackman! It's okay, we can pull it off...I'll put on the weight. I don't care! [Laughs] Wolverine, for sure. Ever since I was a child, I've wanted to play him. There are a few anime characters I've always wanted to play too if they were ever turned into live-action. There's an anime called Saint Seiya. Also, Venom. I love the anti-heroes for some reason growing up. As a kid I got picked on and I was never really in any groups and I never fit in, so I think the anti-heroes kind of had that little angry voice in me that I couldn't quite express.
Looking ahead to a possible Sonic the Hedgehog sequel, what would you like to see from Stone next if he gets to reunite with the new, unhinged Robotnik?
I would love a moment where we see why he's an actual agent. I feel like he could kick some butt. We haven't seen it yet, and I would love a moment with Robotnik as a damsel in distress and Stone shows up, saves Robotnik, and Robotnik won't admit that he's saved him!
You can find Lee on Twitter HERE, Instagram HERE, or Twitch HERE!
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kassandra-lorelei · 6 years
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"Just because I'm heartless doesn't mean I don't like chocolate." I know I just asked for a oneshot recently, but I saw this one on a Tumblr prompt blog I follow and it cracked me up because I instantly thought of C.C. I can just see her snarky, sassy self saying this to Niles after some zinger war or something. Ha ha. I know you're working on other stuff, so whenever you get to it I'd love to see what you come up with! ❤️
Here we are, my friend! I am so sorry this took so long, but I’ve been under some stress recently and I’ve had to take my time getting this done
For that Anon waiting for the other prompt I have, I promise you will have it soon, and for everyone waiting on the next chapter of Personal Guardian Demon, I will be getting on it soon as well
@missbabcocks1 @holomoriarty
Valentine’s Day might not have been a cause for celebrationto Niles, given his apparent permanent bachelor status, but that didn’t mean hegot to be away from it. In an ideal world, he would’ve asked for (and gotten) aday off so that he could go out somewhere and perhaps blend in with every otherface in the crowd. In the mansion, he stuck out like a sore thumb – Mr and MrsSheffield would obviously have a romantic meal that evening, Miss Margaret hadgone out with her boyfriend, Master Brighton kept saying he was meeting a girland would be out all day (though he had been sketchy on the details, such asthe girl’s name, how they’d met, where they were going, etc), and Miss Grace wasgoing to the movies with a group of her friends.
Depressingly, even Miss Babcock had managed to get herself adinner date that night. Some businessman or other, as handsome as he was richand twice as charming, no doubt. And that was going to be a lovely thought hismind would conjure up later, when he’d finished washing up after Mr and MrsSheffield’s romantic meal and was busy tucking into the large amount of chocolatethat he’d bought and stashed away in the kitchen for safekeeping.
Of course, he’d teased the producer when she’d told MrSheffield about her plans, just a few days before. It had just been so easy to notethat there was emphasis on “scare” in the phrase “scare up a date”. She hadthen retorted that at least she’d have a date, which might not have been thebest or funniest zinger she’d ever come up with, but in the coldfourteenth-of-February morning light, it felt like a slap in the face.
He’d managed to keep it to himself for the first few hoursof the day. He’d even tried to be in keeping with the Valentine’s theme bycooking the family heart-shaped strawberry pancakes for breakfast and servinghot chocolate to go with it.
But underneath the longer time went on, the more thepleasant exterior felt like what it was – a façade. It was a relief when thefamily dispersed for the time being, the children going off by themselves, MrSheffield and Miss Babcock heading to the office to begin the work day, and MrsSheffield going out shopping “for later”. Niles didn’t bother asking what she wasgoing to buy, it was going to be obvious the next day, when Mr Sheffield camedownstairs with a ridiculous smile on his face.
He must’ve been wallowing in his own misery over the factthat he’d come downstairs the next day to a sink full of dishes and theknowledge that he had to make breakfast for a family of five that wasn’t evenhis, because before he knew it, a hand was being waved his face and he was backin the office.
He’d originally gone in there to do some tidying, and losttrack of the time in thinking. It was just his luck that Miss Babcock happenedto be watching at the same time.
She was clearly delighted to have caught him off-guard aswell, “What’s the matter, Niles? Forget what you came over here for?”
Niles felt a small pang of irritation, which quickly turnedinto a lingering sense of annoyance. Of course she was happy – she knew she hadthe upper hand in every category, as things currently stood. He’d been the onenot paying attention, and no doubt at any moment she’d remind him of the eveninghe had to look forward to.
Alone, whilst she was out somewhere with her businessman,having the time of her life.
He might not have been in the mood for zingers, but one cameanyway.
“I haven’t quite made it to that level of mental deteriorationyet,” he replied drily. “I’m not your age.”
Miss Babcock was quite prepared for the challenge, “I’m gladyou agree that I’m not ancient, unlike certain people in this room!”
“Oh, would you two give it a rest just for today?” Maxwellstepped in from his seated position at his desk before Niles could retort. TheBritish producer had a pink box in his hands, which he opened and pushed acrossthe desk towards them. “I’d much rather have a pleasant Valentine’s Day, ifit’s all the same to you. Fran gifted me these just before she left thismorning – come and have a chocolate, and let’s all get back to work.”
Niles went over, peering into the box. Of course each andevery single chocolate was heart-shaped, he thought to himself bitterly.Perfect for two lovers to feed each other whilst locked in an intimate embrace.
Two lovers, like Miss Babcock and her oh-so-perfect date.
And, without even thinking about it, another insult made itsway from his heart to his mind, and bypassed any kind of filter to come straightfrom his mouth.
“I hope your date tonight remembers chocolates like these,”he told her. “At this rate, it’s the only way you’ll ever have a heart in you.”
The reaction from Maxwell was (surprisingly) loud andimmediate.
“Niles!” the British producer cried, looking back and forthbetween his butler and his business associate. “I told you to pack it in! Whatthe Devil’s gotten into you, Old Man?!”
Niles expected there to be a similar reaction from MissBabcock at any moment – for a grin to appear on her ruby red lips where she wasso pleased their employer had taken her side, and then a smug comment about howyou just couldn’t get the help these days, and if you could, you couldn’t getthe help to shut up.
But those things didn’t happen. Instead, the producer juststood there with neither a smile nor a smart word. She didn’t look angry,either.
In actual fact, Niles could have sworn that she looked upset(or…even hurt?), even if she was trying to hide it.
She gestured lightly to the stack of papers she’d been goingthrough before, abandoned on the green loveseat, “Maxwell, those contracts arefinished. I’m gonna take a long lunch break.”
Without another word, she turned and left the office.
After being reprimanded by Maxwell for not doing as he wastold and leaving the zingers aside for a while, Niles was allowed to carry onwith his work. But the butler couldn’t fully bring himself to do anything ofany actual worth – and that time, it had nothing to do with his perpetualloneliness.
Nothing to do with that, and everything to do with guilt. Hereally and truly hadn’t meant to say something quite so awful – it had justslipped out! He’d just been so angry and upset that she had a…well, he wasangry and upset that he didn’t have anyone to spend either today, or the restof his life, with.
The feeling of guilt was only exacerbated when he finallymade his way into the kitchen, and spotted Miss Babcock at the table. She wassurrounded by the stash of chocolate he’d bought for himself, more than half ofit opened and a lot of it missing.
He really had hurt her, hadn’t he? She’d imagined that she’dbe left alone (where she could bear her emotions in private) and had gonethrough the cupboards for comfort food.
Niles took a hesitant step towards her, “Miss Babcock, I-”
The producer lifted one hand in a halting fashion.
“Save it, Niles,” she nearly snapped, using her free handsto crumple up an empty wrapper and drop it on the table with the rest. “I don’twanna hear your next pithy little remark. You can have this round.”
She…thought this was all part of their usual routine? Thathe was trying to deliberately make her feel this way, because part of the gamewas to make her upset? That wasn’t the way it was supposed to play out, andthey both knew it! Even without talking about it, they knew they enjoyed thewordplay and the challenge that the other provided.
What he’d said had been too much, and it hadn’t come from agood place.
He approached the table sombrely, hoping that he could offerher an apology. It would be a first, most likely, but it was nonetheless needed.
She picked up another chocolate bar and eyed himsuspiciously as he came over, “What? No victory dance, or is that too muchexercise for that ancient carcass of yours?”
Pursing his lips some, Niles tried to ignore the remark.
“I’m not here to try and argue with you,” he said, turninghis eyes to the mess on the table. “Although some others might, if they caughtyou with their own private stash. Or what’s left of it, rather…”
Miss Babcock broke off a piece, “Well, just because I’mheartless doesn’t mean I don’t like chocolate.”
Niles sighed, thinking that he could kick himself.
“…I really didn’t mean to be so callous, you know.”
The producer rolled her eyes, words only muffled a little bythe chocolate she’d popped into her mouth, “Yeah, right!”
“I’m telling you the truth!” he insisted in return.
Miss Babcock turned more in her chair, looking at himseriously, “What makes you think I’m gonna believe that? Is it the years ofinsults, the physical pranks, or the way you toy with my mental health like acat with a yarn ball?”
Niles returned her look, leaning over towards her slightly, “Howabout the fact that you know if I was going to try and turn this into a joke, Iwould have done so by now?”
It was, truly, a last resort. The two of them never talkedabout the fact that they knew each other better than anyone else – knew whatdirection the other would take a verbal sparring session, their likes anddislikes in a variety of subjects, from food to people…
They knew how far each would take something like this, andwhen they would stop. And she knew that he would have done more than he had sofar, if he intended to continue.
She had to accept it, even if she was upset, “Alright,fine.”
Not feeling much better, but now at least satisfied that shewas willing to listen to him, Niles hesitantly took the seat next to her. Hedid it a little more confidently once it became apparent that she wasn’t goingto stop him.
But before he could try to apologise again, the producerspoke up.
“And for the record, I don’t even have a date tonight,” she angrilyunwrapped another chocolate. “But before you say anything, no, I did not makeup the one I had before.”
Niles felt surprise bubble up inside him. So, they were bothspending Valentine’s Day by themselves – suddenly, it made sense that she hadn’tmocked his lack of a date (or the fact that he had to work to make someone else’sday special) all morning.
And it made even more sense as to why his insult had stungher so deeply. Behind those walls she put around herself, Niles knew she wouldbe feeling hurt and vulnerable. His tactless words were probably contributing tothat, and it was making him feel awful.
He shifted in his seat, “…If you don’t mind my asking, whathappened?”
“Damned if I know,” she bit into her chocolate, and it oozedcaramel. “You know, I really thought it was all going great, and then all of asudden, he calls me up and says he has to cancel on me!”
Niles blinked, “Was he ill?”
Miss Babcock looked at him, “What do you think, Niles?”
The expression on her face was all he needed to understandwhat had gone on, and he wanted to kick himself again for not realising before.
“Oh,” he bit back a frown and picked up a chocolate forhimself. “I see. There was clearly an emergency then. Somebody somewhere requireda giant tool.”
And that was when he noticed Miss Babcock finally crack asmile – the crinkled kind that told him she was trying not to laugh.
But Niles wasn’t going to be deterred. After the time she’dhad, he actually felt that the producer needed to laugh a little. So, (between eatingthe chocolates they’d apparently silently sort-of agreed to share) he keptgoing, tossing insults and sharp remarks at the man who’d ditched her on a daythat was supposed to be about love and togetherness.
He hoped it made up for his behaviour at least a little, andfor the fact that the only chocolate she’d had hadn’t been a gift, she had nodate tonight to look forward to, and no flower bouquets to admire.
And eventually, she did laugh. It was like music when ithappened, and Niles felt his chest inflate a little with pride.
He had cheered her up, to some extent.
Her bad feeling hadn’t entirely gone away, though.
She lowered another empty wrapper to the table, twisting it inbetween her fingers, “Well, jerk or not, he clearly had a better offer elsewhere!”
Niles cocked his head to one side, “A better offer thanyou?”
The producer huffed a sardonic laugh out through her nose,her eyes focused on the table.
“Not hard to find, right?”
Niles felt a wave of sadness come over him at that. MissBabcock truly did underestimate herself, when there was no reason.
And, after the time they’d spent just enjoying the chocolateand discussing the ways in which her non-date could go screw himself, he wasfeeling…well, rather encouraged.
“No…I’d say it’s more…impossible.”
It caught the producer off-guard, “What?”
Suddenly the encouragement dimmed a little, and tensiongripped at his heart. But he knew he had to go on – he couldn’t suddenly decidenot to say anything; she’d never let him live it down if he did.
He just had to be tactful about it, that was all.
So, he began, “Well, who wouldn’t ask you to be their dateon Valentine’s Day? The witty conversation, probably a very carefully selectedbottle of wine, and then dancing well into the night…it sounds like the bestoffer a man could receive, to me.”
There was silence for an uncomfortably long amount of time afterwards.But, eventually, the producer leaned back in her chair.
“Do I smell scotch on your breath?” she asked, gesturing athim. “I’m getting flashbacks to Maxwell and Nanny Fine’s wedding day.”
Niles rolled his eyes, “I haven’t been imbibing, Babs – I doactually happen to think that you make better company than most.”
There was another, shorter silence before the produceranswered.
“That doesn’t prove to me that you’re not hammered, you know,”she said. Then she let a ghost of a smile appear. “But…thanks anyway, I guess.”
Niles had to be satisfied with that. He felt it was time toget back into familiar territory, for the time being.
He smiled back at her, “Well, I’m not trying to kick the dogwhile she’s down, I’m trying to bring her back up.”
Miss Babcock’s eyebrow raised, a hint of a smirk playingabout her features, “And you think another zinger is the right way to go aboutthat, huh?”
The butler grinned lopsidedly in return, “Throw me a bone, Ialready let you almost entirely demolish my chocolate supplies.”
The producer appeared to think about this, before replying.
“Well, you do put the “dog” in “dogsbody”, so alright,” shesaid. She then reached down to her bag, which was at her feet, and pulled outher purse. “And here. All the chocolate’s gonna be half-price tomorrow; you canrestock your little stash and not have to worry about breaking a buck!”
She pulled out a small wad of notes, and tossed it onto his sideof the table.
Niles looked at it for a few seconds, not thinking about chocolatelike she must have assumed he would be. A plan was rapidly forming in his head,and he liked it far better than eating treats alone in his room, discreetlyshedding a tear or two at the movie he’d put on the television, and throwingdiscarded wrappers at the screen if he got annoyed at the lead couple.
He then looked up at the producer, “I’d tell you to keep it,if I didn’t have a better idea.”
That seemed to pique Miss Babcock’s interest, “Oh?”
“You are on your break, and I have no chores left untiltonight,” he said. “I might not be able to offer you dinner, but how does aValentine’s Day lunch sound?”
Miss Babcock appeared to think about it for a moment, before looking amused.
“Offering to pay for a meal with money that I gave you,” she said. “You certainly know how to turn a girl’s head, ScrubbingBubbles!”
“I wouldn’t use it to pay for a meal!” Niles protested,before suddenly thinking of something and leaning his elbow on the table withhis head propped up in his hand. “Although, interestingly enough, I’m nothearing you say no…”
Miss Babcock’s retort was swift, “Well, I suppose I have noother choice but to accept, unless I want to look like a sad sack who couldn’teven get a date on Valentine’s Day.”
“Was that another dig at my inability to get a date?” thebutler asked, dropping his last chocolate wrapper on the small pile on thetable.
“You see it however you want, Hazel,” Miss Babcock replied,pushing her chair out to get up. “Are we going, or not?”
Niles began to smile again, and joined her on his feet, “Wemost certainly are.”
They both began to make their way towards the door, butbefore Niles left he remembered to pick up the money Miss Babcock had left forhim on the table.
He’d use his own money to pay for the food, and they’d bothjust had enough chocolate to last them an entire week, let alone a day, butthere was still one thing that was missing.
He wasn’t about to ruin the (awfully bold) Valentine’s Daysurprise by telling her, but earlier that day he’d seen a man on the cornerselling flowers.
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anamorph-marco · 6 years
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Deadpool 2 (Spoilers)
Spoilers
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>>>>
. . . . Okay, if you're still reading this you have been adequately SPOILERS, warned.
Deadpool 2 sucks. And it is unfortunate that it sucks because when it is good and on its game it is one of the funniest wittiest and sharpest pieces of parody satire comedy of an over-bloated over-saturated genre I've ever seen.
But three specific things CONSTANTLY pull this film back from being good, and ONE specific thing, makes it FUCKING AWFUL.
Let's start with the three things.
This film's theme, or what it clearly wants to be its theme, is that "No one is beyond saving, and EVERYONE is worth that effort, no matter what." Which is a very solid emotionally compelling lead, that compels the plot of the film.
When the film allows itself to have a plot.
The film's next HUGE problem is that it is basically a poorly written mess.
It's seams show EVERYWHERE. And I mean in it's story telling and structural assembly. Every single scene, no every single shot, can be so clearly delineated between Plot relevant, and joke. It very rarely ever does both at once and creates (A term I'm borrowing from video game critique) Cinema-Narrative dissonance, constantly. (Otherwise known as dissonance of framing)
The third thing:
While directly related to the second point, this observation is worthy of it's own consideration. This film has a tone problem. It is constantly trying to play itself two ways, Logan level serious, and South Park level funny. The tonal yo-yo-ing is so extreme that I'm surprised neck-braces aren't required upon viewing. (That's a joke)
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS (seriously, like, don't read this if you care about that stuff)
The film basically opens with *Wife Character* (I know her name is Ness, but she is reduced to a prop and it's infuriating so to emphasize that injustice I'm going to refer to her in this way to point out this ...phenomenon? yeah. I understand if it's upsetting) Anyways,
Wife character dies. Straight up, no pulled punches, she's shot in the heart, and it comes OUT OF NOWHERE. The film has not built up any stakes for itself, opening with a suicide joke . . . nice . . . And continuing into a constant barrage of satirical slapstick buffoonery and then BOOM wife dies. It's so out of nowhere that every time it cuts back to this CHARACTER MOTIVATING SUB PLOT, I was constantly apprehensive waiting for the other shoe to drop and the reveal to be it was all a joke.
I mean, it literally cuts to him in a bar peeing on himself because he's so sad.
I kept waiting for it to reveal that he was overreacting and imagining it all, or that he was over reacting and she just had to get surgery and was fine. Like the camera was going to pull focus and she was going to be in a wheel chair behind him.
For the recod: That doesn't happen, she's legitimately dead, actually totes mcscrotes real 4 realsies no take backsies.
Its that poorly handled.
The film hasn't earned this, it fridges Ness just to . . . John Wick? Deadpool into the main plot? But really it doesn't have anything to do with the main plot, and is a sub plot, that starts the film and is only there to be set up for jokey jokes later.
And no, John Wick is unfair. Because the whole point of John Wick is that his wife dies of natural causes and he is forced to confront that of all possible ways this could have happened to him or her, random cruel chance, was never one he thought of.
Ness dies because Deadpool fails to kill a dude with a cream cheese spreader.
No really, that's the joke.
END OF THREE THINGS
Okay, all of those poits are bad, but ultimately not unforgivable. If the rest of the execution is on par or better this film could be decent to good, and if certain points really hit home, it could still recover.
All points I concede.
Though my critique of those moments does have objective roots, it is ultimately subjective that I feel they are a big enough problem to impact the film's quality if the rest of the film executes itself competently anyways.
THE SCENE.
In my mind it will be the scene forever (And yes I'm stealing this set up from Hbomberguy, go watch his vids he's amazing)
The SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
THe scene: AKA: The X-Force Death scene.
If you've seen the trailers you know that Deadpool assembles a team of celebrity cameos to be his new team to take down the big bad. In a joke moment he calls them X-Force and thus . . . they are. Setup:
Deadpool and . . . annoying Edgar Wright film reject character (The bartender whose name I don't remember) hold "Tryouts" for the new team and put out a Craig's List add for recruits.
A whole bunch of people show up.
And all of them get hired, Immediately.
So there's your set up. A bunch of volunteers show up to help a guy do the right thing and save a kid from a psycho killer.
The film has earned and built towards ZERO (0) animosity towards these characters.
Okay, *deep breath* the scene:
The scene features all of those recruits dying in the most brutal cruel vicious disgusting and violent on screen deaths I've ever seen in cinema history, and I've seen A LOT of Z rated exploitation horror films.
Half the deaths don't make sense. Are only there because the script said so, break the diegetic reality, suspension of disbelief, and core conceit; of a film where the main character speaks directly to the audience for jokes. How you even manage to FUCK UP that bad . . . I don't even begin to comprehend.
Terry Cruise slams head first into a bus.
Brad Pitt has a brief two second cameo as his character get's electrecuted on a live wire.
Acid Vomit man gets pulled head first through a wood shipper, but not before he vomits on Gary . . . or was it stu? Russel? Whatever.
And then
Shatterstar. Shatterstar is an alien. So his blood is green.
Shatterstar gets pureed into green slop by helicopter blades. And then his severed ponytail SLOPS onto the windshield of the helicopter in a moment that is burned into my retinas.
IT is disgusting, and cruel and directly the fault of Deadpool.
Who against all advisory, forces his team to jump despite a wind advisory.
So let's talk about all the reasons this is completely fucking stupid.
1. a commercial sky diving plane is not going to bring divers up in a wind advisory. SO he either stole the plane or killed people to get it.
2. A helicopter WOULD NOT BE initiating take off under said conditions.
3. Helicopters don't work that way.
And three is the real kicker.
In film history there are moments that live in infamy for various parts of the craft.
For stunts gone wrong, there is ONE (1) moment.
When filming Twilight Zone, against all advisory, the director of the episode put children in harms way, and all three were decapitated by the helicopter.
This is particularly poignant because during the filming of Deadpool, a specific producer, who's name rhymes with Brian Greynalds, went against all cautionary advisory and had a stunt woman perform a stunt in unsafe conditions leading to her death.
So then, in the movie, we have a visual recreation of the most notorious stunt gone wrong in film history, in a film with a stunt gone wrong, where the leader, ignores all warnings, forces his character to perform the task, and they die a gruesome cruel death.
yeah.
And this isn't a moment of reflection either. Because this 6 minute scene is followed by a minute of jokes at the expense of the dead and then NONE of those characters are EVER MENTIONED AGAIN.
So... Let's really analyze why this scene is a problem. It's grotesquely unfunny. Absurdly cruel. Completely Mean Spirited. Horrifically distasteful. and again Not in any way funny whatsoever? (You know, despite what all the press junkits with the cast might make you think where they laugh and joke about this scene)
But it's one more thing.
Remember what I said was the theme of the movie? *Flashback*
"No one is beyond saving, and EVERYONE is worth that effort, no matter what."
Yeah.
This scene, directly works against that theme in the starkest and most movie destroying way possible.
As we watch the protagonist, not just cause and allow for the deaths of 5 well meaning characters specifically trying their best to do the right thing for good reasons, die in the most horrible ways ever put to screen.
We then get to joke about it. With no remorse. and no reflection. and then, it's forgotten.
If I had a digital copy of the film. I could literally edit that scene and the character's introductions out of the film, and NOTHING WOULD CHANGE.
It's a bad scene.
And combined with everything else.
It makes Deadpool 2 a bad movie.
And the fact that everything else in it is so good, just makes it all the more infuriating, because this film snatches defeat from the jaws of victory for no reason. One that could have easily been fixed in editing.
It would have had tone problems.
It would have been inconsistent.
But it would have been good, with great highlights.
But instead.
It's not.
It's just bad
. . . . . . . . . . . . ***Post Credits thoughts: (I guess)*** ... And I didn't even go into the extended toddler dick joke scene. Because . . . yeah. That's a thing. and it's as uncomfortable and "pedo" sounding as that sentence implies. Also, what plot there is is pretty incoherent because of those three problems I mentioned before. It's literally like watching 4 different films.
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junker-town · 4 years
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The funniest video game I have ever played
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In 2014, Jon purchased a video game and played it for 26 brutal, terrifying minutes. They have stuck with him ever since.
In August of 2014, I downloaded a computer game called Rust and played it for 26 minutes. That would be the first and only time I ever played it. It is the funniest video game I have ever played in my life.
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I’m happy they tracked this. Steam is sort of the traveling bard of my gaming career, faithfully wandering from computer to computer since 2004. It lived within them all, including the desktop PC so hideous that multiple burglars, in the process of lifting whatever they could grab from my apartment, clearly took one glance and correctly identified it as trash. The tower was permanently missing its cover, because every time I had to restart the machine, I first had to dig into the motherboard to remove the little plastic CMOS jumper for a moment and stick it back in. This sounds like a lie but isn’t: upon pulling out the jumper, I had to wait and listen for the motherboard to make a little squeak before replacing it. Otherwise, the computer wouldn’t start. Steam was there for that, and Steam is there today on my work computer, patiently enduring uninstallations and reinstallations whenever I frantically clear hard drive space to make space for an exporting video project.
It’s logged the hundreds upon hundreds of hours I’ve buried into games like Civilization and RimWorld. But most importantly, it noted the 26 minutes I spent in the world of Rust.
This isn’t a review of Rust. I have no idea whether this game is good or bad. I wholeheartedly agree with every opinion of it that anyone has ever had, even if those opinions directly conflict with one another. Continuing.
Conceptually, the game certainly seemed fun enough to try. It’s a first-person, open-world, massively-multiplayer survival game that drops you in the middle of nowhere with nothing but a rock and a torch. From there, to hear others tell it, you can build structures, craft advanced tools, form alliances, and generally make something of yourself. I wouldn’t know.
My experience with this game was a special one, because at the time, Rust was branded as “early access” or something similar. The developers clearly spelled out on their Steam page that, look, this was not yet a finished product. Bugs may happen, gameplay imbalances will abound, and you should know what you’re in for.
I paid $20, and in the subsequent 26 minutes, I played three times. I will recollect them here to the best of my ability. It’s been six years, so if you’re familiar with this game and something strikes you as inaccurate or impossible, my mistake.
The first time, I find myself in the woods somewhere, apparently naked. I take stock of the only wealth I have to my name: the torch, which seems useless in broad daylight, and a big rock. I have to hold the rock with both hands. I can only hoist it over my head and violently swing it forward.
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I wander around in the woods for a couple minutes, completely unsure of what I want to do, or whether there’s any sort of objective I’m expected to complete. This early-access version of Rust offers nothing in the way of explanation or context, which in retrospect I will come to appreciate as a masterstroke.
So I’m just bumbling around in the woods like that, a probably-naked guy marching to nowhere while heaving a giant rock forward over and over, carrying on as God’s own fool. Heave-ho! Having the time of my life!
I am encountered by a wolf, who attacks me. I try to swing my rock in self-defense to no avail and I am brutally mauled. Since the game is in first person, I can’t know that I’m torn limb from limb, but I remember seeing fountains of blood and it certainly feels that way. I am dead.
The second time, I’m dropped into more or less the same situation. This time I run around brandishing the rock, but not swinging it, instead dutifully holding it aloft like I’m trying to show it the world. I’ve resolved that this time will be different. I am now aware of the dangers of this realm.
This rock is surely more than a weapon. It’s a tool. I can probably use it to chop down a tree, or at least break down a fallen log or something. To what end, I’m not sure. But I might die soon, and I’d love to leave something more for this world to remember me by than my sun-bleached bones.
I can’t remember whether I actually chop down a tree. At any rate, I am very quickly visited by another wolf.
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This time, I try to run away, still ineffectually swinging my rock forward as I do. I don’t know why I do that.
There’s a wordless, deranged comedy to video games. They produce sights that are so clumsy, thoughtless, and bizarre that no one alive could ever tell a joke so funny, like this one: a terrified man deliriously flinging a rock over his head, dick whipping sideways like the Wheel of Fortune needle as he gallops away from certain doom. I’m afraid I’m unable to sufficiently describe how funny this is. I am once again devoured alive.
I’ve probably played for 18 to 20 minutes by this point. I’m not so sure I want to play this anymore. A learning curve is to be expected, but how much more of this will I have to endure before I can count a single accomplishment? So far, I can claim ownership of absolutely none of this experience. The game has been the player. I’m only the food.
I find that buying games I don’t enjoy is just the cost of doing business. If I buy three games, barely play two of them, but have a great time with the third, all three were worth it. This was a worthwhile experiment. I should count the $20 I spent on this game as a sunk cost and move on with my life.
What the hell. One more try.
The third time, I wander around some more, but this time in a straight line. I need to get somewhere. Miraculously, there are no more wolves. I guess I fed them already.
After some marching, I pass through the tree line and enter a clearing. I see a wooden fence, the first evidence of civilization I’ve come across. Beyond it, to my delight, is a log cabin.
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Again, this is a massively-multiplayer online game. It’s a shared world. It seems likely that another player actually built this. As I run closer, I notice that it seems pretty well-constructed. Maybe I could build something like this myself! Maybe I could find an ax somewhere, or use this rock to sharpen a tool of my own. Maybe if I get good enough, and put in enough time, I can enjoy the satisfaction of maintaining a little home in this world.
Out back, behind the cabin, there is a man. He’s an old man with a beard, shirtless and sinewy, wearing only a crude loincloth. I know enough to know that this man is not a game-generated AI. He’s a real person somewhere out there.
And for whatever reason, at this moment I find him bashing the shit out of a tree stump with a rock that looks a lot like my rock. Maybe we can be pals and talk about rocks! I wish I could remember whether he’s splitting a piece of wood, or if this is simply his idea of a good time. In either case, he’s just goin’ to town, man, as though he was born to do it.
He doesn’t notice me at first. I decide to come closer. Hell, I don’t know. How do people communicate in this game? Maybe if I walk up to him, a chat box will open and I can actually type something? Or do you make buddies in this game by kinda wordlessly pantomiming that you’re a friend, that you want what’s best for you and for him? Either way, it could be interesting. More importantly, I need a friend. I need a bit of light in this world. It’s been terrible for me.
As I walk closer, he spots me, and I’ll tell you, there’s a lot of “sir, you’re not supposed to be here” body language you can communicate by simply moving forward a few steps and menacing someone with a large stone. He swings it forward, as crudely and robotically as I do when I swing my rock. I am not welcome here.
I glance at him, then the log cabin, then back at him, and I believe I have identified a crime. One would expect that a cabin built with such skill and care was the work of a true craftsman. A veteran player of this game, a player who knew how to fashion some sort of axe, chop some trees, and cut them just so. Perhaps this game doesn’t work like that, and you can simply manifest a nice little log cabin once you reach Level 19 or something. At any rate, he’s a shirtless, stupid, rock-hucking dirtbag just like me. I definitely could not have built this house.
This is not his house.
Someone else built this house and died at his hand. This man is a fraud and a murderer. But where else am I supposed to go? Back in the woods to be eaten again? At least this is a human being at the end of the line. His name is Josh, I bet. He’s in Wisconsin and he’s wearing a polo shirt and this prehistoric thug isn’t who he truly is. He’ll be receptive if I can just communicate to him that I’m approaching in peace.
I step forward again, his warning expires, and he charges me. My last remaining idea is to hold still and keep my rock still. If I don’t attack or resist, he’ll have to kill me in cold blood.
Polo Josh bludgeons me, over and over, as I imagine Cain slew Abel. He kills me seven or eight times’ worth. I exit the game and never return.
This game set forth no objectives for me. It wanted only to eat me. It asked of me what I ask of my breakfast. In this sense, it wasn’t much of a game at all. And even when I met another human being, that person was every bit as brutal.
I paid 20 dollars for the most bewildering 26 minutes a video game has ever given me, and I wouldn’t ask for a minute more or a penny back. It was perfect. I will never play it again.
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axietoh · 7 years
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Shizaya fic recs
Here are the fics I mentioned previously! These are my absolute faves in the fandom~ Some of them are really underappreciated because of the lack of pairing tag/ mention, but legit qualifies as preslash (which I actually prefer), so do give them a chance!!
Sunrise by Azurelitestar (Lengthy oneshot; Preslash; Was actually written for me and fuck its so good I CANNOT OKAY SHAKES FIST; Feels like a legit continuation from/ extension of the novels)
This is the beginning of an end; an end to the relationship these two mortal enemies once had.
To Try Again, or The Tale of a Family by Threesmallcrows (Completed; Absolutely golden Izaya character exploration, and Orihara family dynamics. Not Shizaya but if you’re an Izaya fan, please read and give it more love!!)
When Izaya left, he ripped this family open. Now, he's back- after a two year absence. And they are dying again, mother and daughters, father and son. Why can't you see what you do to us, Izaya? You shouldn't have come back.
The Mercurial Mask by Karasu Yurei (Completed; THE PLOT MAN THE PLOT; Mild hints of Shizaya preslash)
A new gang comes to town looking for something special, and is willing to turn all of Ikebukuro upside down until they find it.
Lies and Truth by ZS fan (WIP; I literally teared up trying to stifle laughter reading this at 2am ok)
What if you could tell if someone was lying? After an accident, Izaya gains the ability to see lies, which a certain monster happens to be impervious to. Bored with his humans, he decides to toy with the unpredictable man, unaware that Shizuo has secrets of his own. 
Shizuo’s Bow Tie by CRQ (Complete; THE FUNNIEST DAMN THING I EVER LAID EYES ON JUST READ THE SUMMARY NO MATTER HOW HIGH YOUR EYEBROWS GO JUST READ YOU WONT REGRET IT)
Hi, I'm Shizuo's sunglasses. Shizuo's shoes need hearing aids, and his bow tie thinks it's gangsta. But who's this scrawny human with the bitchy jacket? And would somebody please give his switchblade some Xanax?
The sequel: Izaya’s Ring (WIP)
Denial by LadyCharity (Complete; More Orihara family dynamics, Shizaya only at the end. Honestly I don’t really want to spoil it, but I don’t want to put anyone through undue trauma so... rape warning. While the fic doesn’t really focus on it as a core thing, please put yourself first.)
In a twist of fate, Izaya becomes the victim of another's mind game. His sisters' lives are at stake and any choice he makes could end in someone's death. It takes only one night for his entire world to be destroyed.
Not Justice by izanayas (WIP; Quite short but rather recent, hoping it’ll get updated soon! It’s shaping up to look really good, like a legit continuation from/ extension of the novels)
What’s weird isn’t that Yahiro thinks Orihara Izaya should come back; it's that he's not the only one who does. The solution to this problem is obvious to him. But those who share the same idea don't necessarily share the same goals... and Izaya himself is as alive as ever. As destructive as ever. Brimming with potential to make everything worse.
The Gain-Loss Theory of Attraction by caffeinekitty (Lengthy oneshot; great take on the Shizaya relationship, if they do start dating)
In which we value more the things we have to work for.
It Just Happened & May the Best Man Win by ZS fan (WIP; but the plots are tantalizing man; Note - this author likes to write in a style similar to the original novels. It might be a bit hard to get into at first because the style’s unfamiliar and quirky, but I came to enjoy it. I hope you do too!)  
To Hell and Back by Jillyfish (WIP officially, but I think it stopped at the right point and can be taken as completed as it is. But ofc, if there’ll be more, I won’t be complaining at all haha)
It starts with post cards. Izaya has disappeared and gone up on some obscure form of vacation. However, when Shizuo tracks him down to enact a spontaneous whim of revenge, they each have a change in plans. They ultimately end up traveling together.
What they encounter on their journey are people and places that teach them that Ikebukuro isn't the only Hell on Earth. Their experience becomes one about Humanity, whether it be lost or found.
Everything by TastewithoutTalent on AO3 (Seriously, I binge-read everything in like, 3 days its so good)
Mezhdu Dvukh Ogney (Between Two Fires) by Delphicy (WIP; Fandom classic for a reason. ‘Nuff said. Borderline crack, but there’s a hidden reason for it!)
Simon’s ill-fated decision to play match-maker forces Shizuo and Izaya to become reluctant allies. Their goal? To demonstrate what a horrible idea it is to force them into a relationship. Or: how KFC nearly sparked the apocalypse. Now with 70% more arson!
This is an English fanfic about a Japanese series that is riddled with Russian proverbs and Celtic mythology. It's like riding It's A Small World, only instead of animatronics you have violent manchildren and an entire city's unhealthy fixation with their sexual relationship.
Landscape Over Zero (WIP; Izaya and child!Psyche&Tsugaru; Supposed to build up to Shizaya, but didn’t develop that far. My own imagination made up for it though: How did Nebula develop them to look so much like Izaya and Shizuo? I also noted that they never outright stated they were androids; Izaya had assumed that himself... Plus Nebula does have a connection to Shinra, who has access to Izaya and Shizuo’s DNA...... Waggles eyebrows)
Asphyxiation (Short kinky PWP, heehee)
FILL (Short fill; I know it’s actually an untitled fill, but I think the title’s oddly appropriate HAHAHA)
The Morning After.
One Plus One Equals Fun (Short fill; Basically, DRRR the Musical. That last line hit straight home man)
It’s Just a Kiss by Shizayabayo (Oneshot; Cute AF)
“Ah, I hear you loud and clear,” Izaya pauses for a moment. “but, you know...”
Suddenly a tall, lanky man with bleach blonde hair enters the room and lazily makes his way down the stairs.
“I also have my methods.”
In which Izaya finds himself in the middle of a meeting with some very intimidating characters and a pajama clad Shizuo swoops in to unknowingly save the day.
There’re actually quite a few more fics I bookmarked, but these are my faves! Hope y’all get something outta this list!
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bunnyandbirb · 7 years
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Birb’s Summer 2017 Sports (Anime)
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My first distinct memory of trying to play sports involves trying to win a game of soccer by ignoring the ball and repeatedly kicking the opposing players in the shins instead.
During four years at my basketball-crazed college, I never went to a single game (my priorities were with Overwatch and figuring out how to survive the rest of the month on two dollars.) I remember once going to watch the Denver Nuggets play, and then waking up when it was all over. So yeah. I might not be a “sports person.” That being said, I fucking love sports anime. They’re super straightforward, feel-good shows and I’m a sucker for underdog stories. I would call them a guilty pleasure, except I don’t feel guilty about watching them at all. Of course, that doesn’t mean they’re all good.
I watched all of the sports anime that debuted this summer (in one night) and here are my sleep-deprived opinions:
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Keppeki Danshi! Aoyama-kun (Clean Freak! Aoyama-kun) Studio Hibari
Aoyama is a freshman in high school, a genius soccer player, and has a crippling obsession with cleanliness. I was very into the premise of this show when I first read the description, which is why I watched it first. I’m still glad that I did watch it first, so I could get my disappointment out of the way faster. Keppeki Danshi! Aoyama-kun isn’t a true sports anime, more like a comedy anime with sports. The pacing in the first episode is pretty atrocious, barely introducing the main character before suddenly getting into a game with an enemy team (that I think I’m supposed to care about?) and then wrapping it all up in less than ten minutes. Basically the whole thing is a series of setups for jokes, and if they don’t make you laugh, it’s a little bit awkward.
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The ‘clean freak’ joke started getting stale near the end (and it had only been one episode). There was even a moment where they actually tried to take it seriously (it’s so TRAGIC that he wants to play SOCCER when he’s a GERMAPHOBE), and that just made me confused. Aoyama also looks suspiciously similar to Haru from Free!, and it doesn’t help that they both have that quiet, unfazeable, non-personality.
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I don’t even remember the names of the other characters, because they weren’t particularly interesting. There was an angry guy who was always angry that Aoyama didn’t want to be a dirtyboi, generic side characters, and then some girl who stalks the MC because he talked to her once. The best part of the show was the ending, which was an obvious nod back to old-school sports anime and was pretty entertaining.
The show’s art/animation isn’t that bad, which is a shame because I’m never going to be watching more of it. I’d say this is a mediocre show that I can see people liking if it matches their sense of humor. I’m not someone who finds gag comedy particularly funny, which doesn’t make me the right audience for this kind of thing.
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Ballroom e Youkoso (Welcome to the Ballroom) Production I.G.
It’s an anime about ballroom dancing. The first time I heard of this, I immediately thought this was coming out to snatch up the audience of Yuri on Ice. I still don’t think I’m wrong, but Ballroom e Youkoso feels both similar and very different from both that show and Haikyuu!!, another product of this studio (and one of my favorite shows in this genre.)
Our main character is Tatara Fujita, a kid (supposedly in eighth grade, clearly doesn’t look it) with no hobbies and no idea what to do in life. He almost gets beaten up but is saved by Sengoku, a professional dancer and owner of a nearby dance studio. He eventually gets a lesson and then watches a video of Sengoku dance, which gets him hooked on dancin’ (at least it isn’t drugs.)
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To understate it a bit, this show is VERY DRAMATIC. Maybe I should have expected an anime about dancing to ham it up a little, but this was a level of drama that I haven’t seen in a sports anime in a long while. They stretch limbs like nobody’s business to emphasize the ‘fluidity of dance’ or something (I don’t really know) and I laughed out loud at how silly some of it looked. Not to the say that the animation is bad. The whole CLAMP-esque rubber limbs syndrome is clearly a stylistic choice, and everything looks pretty good when they’re not dancing.
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But it’s not just the animation. The plot is also VERY DRAMATIC. The entire show is a lot heavier than a lot of other sports anime, and all of the characters are way more passionate about dancing than I’ve ever been about anything. And honestly, I did get a little caught up in it. The music in this show is pretty good, and definitely contributed to how invested I got in the scenes. The characters are likeable so far. There is a bit of fanservice every now and then, which is annoying but I’ll deal with it. This is a true underdog story, and while I can predict how the rest of the show will go by watching these first five episodes, I’m sure I won’t be bored following through with it.
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Dive!! (Not-Free!) Zero-G
Okay, so the alternate name isn’t really Not-Free!, but it should be. This show is mostly boring and a little hilarious (for unintentional reasons.) Dive!! is an anime about… diving, and is centered around a middle schooler named Tomoki Sakai. His combined middle/high school diving club will shut down unless one of its members can get into the Olympics within a year, which is totally reasonable.
Where to even start with this.
It’s almost impossible not to compare Dive!! to Free!, because it begs you to compare them. I can imagine they had a list of how to one-up Free! and, judging by the show, came up with this:
MORE ABS. Everyone gets a 10-pack.
Swim jammers? Pussy shit. Speedos only.
You like high schoolers who look like college students? We got some that look like they’re 12.
Add another exclamation mark in the title, that’ll really get ‘em going.
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I’m not exactly sure what Tomoki’s character is supposed to be. In the first episode, he is walking to the diving club with his girlfriend. She starts talking to him, trying to engage him in a conversation… you know, the thing people in relationships have sometimes. He only gets like three sentences through before he starts zoning out completely and has an inner monologue about how much he loves diving. THEN when she confronts him, he looks past her, sees his beloved senpai and BLUSHES. IS THIS A BL SHOW??? IS THIS GIRL A BEARD?? But really, watching this pissboi interaction was probably the funniest thing in the entire show.
The animation is serviceable, but if they wanted to compete with KyoAni’s work on Free!, they might as well have not tried at all. All of the characters are forgettable as fuck except for one, who isn’t even a main character. Actually, I take that back. The main character’s emo twin brother is also pretty memorable, only because he spends every waking moment trying to steal MC’s girl. The majority of the show is straight-up boring; Unlike Ballroom e Youkoso, I didn’t feel any sense of tension or urgency no matter how much they tried to get me to care.
In conclusion, Dive!! sucks. Don’t watch it.
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Nana maru san batsu (Fastest Finger First) TMS Entertainment
This might not be considered a “sports anime” in the traditional sense, but I would argue that’s exactly what it is. Koshiyama Shiki is a nerd enters high school and is drafted into the “Quiz Study Group”, where he learns the joys of competitive quiz bowl. So yeah, it’s basically a show about people answering trivia questions on a timer.
I’ll be honest; This show isn’t that special. It’s predictable, the characters are generic, the dialogue is pretty trash at times, and the art is decent. Pretty much everything aside from the actual tournaments crawls by at a snail’s pace, and by the third episode I was skipping past most of the scenes that didn’t have to do with quizzes. There also is some random fanservice (really? In a quiz bowl show?) and sometimes the character artist draws their heads too big for their bodies.
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Despite all that, I will keep watching this show until the end. I’ve had a lot of fun learning about quiz bowl, mostly because I didn’t know anything about it before this. I’m a big fan of trivia, and I feel like I can just watch the show for that and still enjoy it without caring about whether the characters die in a fire or not. I’ll just ignore the repetitive conversations and weak romantic subplot in between tournaments.
Okay, so the two shows I said were my faves of the bunch are about ballroom dancing and quiz bowls. But my three all-time favorite sports anime are about tennis, volleyball, and football, so I’m just saying my preferences are based on the qualities of the show, not on the fact that I’m a loser.
Well, that’s it for now. Hopefully we’ll see some more quality sports anime in the future... or I’ll just wait for the next season of Haikyuu!!.
~Stay tuned for more nonsense~
- birb
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