#might take some time to actually get updates lol. if i remember right chapter 1 itself took like 5 months to write in between discacc stuff
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Final Girl (Part 5)
A/n she’s here and she’s big enough to probably have been two parts lol, so feel free to carve out some you time to absorb all of this, also there are scene breaks in this one like in chapter 4, but no smut warnings!!
also feedback is always super appreciated :))
Final Girl Series Masterlist (updated parts 1 - 9 and extras)
Series Summary: Y/n can’t believe that she has to leave the only home she’s ever known just because her mom’s latest boyfriend has a house in some town in California. Just as she’s starting to think that Woodsboro might not be that bad, something life altering happens after she agrees to sleep over at Becker’s house. Now her name is practically synonymous with Ghostface’s.
Chapter Summary: Billy and Stu are throwing a party that's basically couple's only. Good thing a guy in Y/n's english class is always trying to ask her out...and a good thing that Gloria isn't around to stop Y/n from raiding her closet.
----
What. The. Fuck.
Like actually.
The first thing I registered when I woke up was the sunlight that slipped in past my curtains. The second thing I registered was how comfortable I was. I don't think I've been this comfortable sleeping since what happened to Casey. The third thing I registered was the hand on my back and arm.
I'm half curled into Billy, and Stu's asleep on his back, my arm pulled to his chest. Okay--this isn't the most shocking thing ever. There was alcohol yesterday, and drunk me is touchy. The fact that we all passed out in bed isn't shocking. What’s shocking is the fact that it’s...weirdly nice.
This is the first time since Casey’s that I slept through the night without a nightmare. Was that because of the presence of other people or alcohol, I’m not sure, but either way the feeling of a full night of rest is refreshing.
I start to sit up slowly, doing my best not to shift enough to disturb either of them. Before my spine can straighten, a firm touch on my back has me moving back down. I slump against Billy, throwing a more confused than truly annoyed glare in his direction. “Billy.”
“What?” The question is mumbled, Billy doesn’t even bother looking at me. “I’m comfortable.”
Rolling my eyes, I briefly consider pushing away from him, but he does have a point. It is comfortable, and he’s warm. “That makes one of us.”
At that, he opens his eyes just enough to squint. I take a deep breath, a little too aware of the way he’s looking at me. Even jokingly lying to Billy feels exposing. I always feel like he can instantly tell.
He doesn’t call me out on it. At least, not directly, “You seemed comfortable last night.” The comment is just a tiny bit more suggestive than it needs to be. I sit up just enough to softly smack his chest. “You’re the one that fell asleep on me,” he defends, “So asleep that you snored.”
My jaw drops in offense. “I do not snore.”
The indignation in my whisper makes him grin. “Why are you whispering?” I tilt my head in Stu’s direction. As far as I can tell, he’s dead asleep and not loosening his hold on my arm any time soon. Billy’s gaze briefly flits over to Stu’s sleeping form. “He sleeps through everything.” When I don’t ease, Billy continues, “He slept through all that snoring.”
If looks could kill, I’d be a murderer. “You’re getting kicked out.”
“You’re mean in the mornings.”
“It’s not the morning, it’s...” I sit up a little more, looking at the digital alarm clock on my nightstand. “It’s 12:09. Wow, I really passed out.”
My mind begins to work in overdrive as I try to remember as many details about last night as possible. The gist of it is pretty clear, but what if I’m missing something?
“Don’t worry,” Billy says, reading my face easily, “You were fine. A little touchy, but you fell asleep right after The Shining.”
If I’m remembering correctly, I wasn’t the only one being a little too touchy. “Right.”
“What’s wrong?”
Eyes focusing on nothing in particular, I mull over my options. It’s not like there’s anything particular for me to complain about. I don’t remember being beyond uncomfortable or anything, just a little bit unsure. And I really don’t want to ruin everything by overreacting when I’m not even sure what my problem is.
“Nothing.” My fingers move, nervously tracing the floral pattern of my sheets. “The morning after drinking feels weird.”
“I thought it wasn’t the morning.” He barely pays any attention to the way I roll my eyes. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing, really.” I sit up, tugging my arm away from Stu as gently as I can. The space makes it easier to organize my thoughts. “Just thinking about yesterday feels a little weird. I don’t think I was the touchiest person last night.” My eyes awkwardly flit towards the one person that’s still asleep.
Billy shifts, watching me carefully. “He had been drinking since before I got to his place. He was moody, something about his sister and his parents.”
At that, I freeze, my breath catching itself in my throat. Mentions of their families, of what their dynamics are like beneath public perception, are rare...and always a little heartbreaking. “Oh.”
“I wouldn’t bring it up.” His warning isn’t needed. Early on, I learned that this is the one topic I can’t get away with talking about. Still, I nod. “And you know how he is, a ‘knock it off’ is a joke until he’s beyond sure you’re serious. Especially with you.”
My eyes snap away from the even rise and fall of Stu’s chest. “Especially with me?”
Billy’s hesitant, thinking over his words. “Your attention means a lot to him.”
I can’t bring myself to look at Billy. I can’t bring myself to do anything but stare at Stu. “Still,” I mumble after a second, “Boundaries.”
“I’ll bring it up to him when he’s more receptive.” Probably a good idea. The last thing I want is to push Stu when he’s going through something that he’s sensitive about. Maybe my silence comes off as hesitance because Billy continues, “You know he’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose.”
“Yeah.” I do know that, but I’m starting to feel like that doesn’t excuse everything. There are things that matter more than intentions. It’s hard to be mad at Stu when he’s asleep. When he’s this relaxed, he looks smaller, almost more vulnerable.
From what I’ve pieced together through bits and pieces, Stu’s parents are rarely around physically, and when they do come home, they don’t exactly express a lot of interest in their son. I’ve heard even less about Stu’s sister. I only know she exists because of the one time I went to Stu’s house. There was a framed photo of a girl, and when Stu mumbled something about a sister, my surprise was clear.
Growing up, I had always wanted a sibling, so I got a little excited. Stu’s reaction let me know that my enthusiasm wasn’t taken the right way. I didn’t get it until Billy mentioned that Leslie isn’t Stu’s favorite topic. He told me enough to let me know that it has to do with parental approval and attention.
Even though the way Stu acted yesterday was confusing and out of bounds, knowing where his head was at makes it harder to be upset at him.
Deciding that I don’t want to think about this anymore, I fold my hands on my lap.“How long do you think it’ll take him to wake up?”
“There’s no telling with Stu.” Billy moves so that he’s sitting up fully.
Frowning, I let out a too dramatic sigh. “I wanted pancakes.”
The corner of Billy’s lips turn upwards. “You wanted pancakes the last time you were hung over.”
I lean back, my arm supporting my weight. “Not hungover,” I defend, “Just want pancakes. They’re the perfect after-drinking food.”
“We can wake him up.”
“Don’t.” Billy’s arm is already half extended, I grab his wrist, my words a whispered hiss, “He said he hasn’t been sleeping great. Let him get some rest.”
Billy’s regarding me in a way that leaves me still. I think he might have found something about that amusing. “Protective.”
I roll my eyes. “He needs his sleep.” Stu isn’t the best at taking care of himself. What teenage boy is? And it’s not like his parents are checking in on him.
Okay, staring at Stu while he sleeps is weird of me. I turn my head to look at Billy. The bags under his eyes are made more prominent by the light coming in through my window. And is it just me looking for an excuse to worry or does he seem thin? Now that I’m thinking about it, I can’t think of anyone that’d be really looking out for Billy either.
The few things he’s mentioned about his dad don’t make him seem like a caretaker, especially considering that up until kinda recently, Billy’s mom was around. “Are you getting enough sleep?”
Oh my god, did I just ask that out loud? Billy turns his head, eyes softening just a little. “Worried about me?” Ugh, this is what I get for being nice. I cross my legs, eyeing him cautiously. “I sleep okay.” Before I can respond, Billy tacts on, “You?”
“Fine,” I reply too quickly, “Better before the whole thing with Casey.” Scratching the inside of my wrist, I try to force away the images that come to mind. It’s strange, how quiet the killer and the case as a whole have been. “But I guess that’s normal.”
Billy reaches forward, long fingers wrapping around my wrist before I can pick at the skin too much. “If you can’t sleep and you need something to do, you can call me.”
The offer is comforting. “Thanks, you’re a good friend.” His touch is warm, anchoring. “You both are. Not to make things weird, but you guys have been really helpful through all of this.”
“That doesn’t make things weird.” His response is delayed.
I look up, hoping to get a little more out of his expression, but his head is angled downwards. He’s staring at my sheets. “Let’s go make pancakes.”
Billy sits up even more before standing. I follow him, careful to not bother Stu as I move off of the bed. “You’re going to leave him here unsupervised?”
It’s clearly a joke, but I still shrug as I consider my response. “If he wakes up and decides to be nosy and look through my drawers, all he’ll find is proof of my sticky note addiction.”
----
This is nothing like what happened that night. I repeat that in my head again and again as I watch the stove. This isn’t like Casey’s and there are too many differences for me to feel like this.
It’s daytime. What happened at Casey’s was late at night. And I-I wasn’t really using a pan, it was just Jiffy Pop. There have been no weird phone calls. There’s been nothing. I’m fine.
I repeat the differences between now and then in my head like a mantra as I pour the pancake batter. It sizzles as it expands into the form of a lopsided circle. Forcing my focus to remain on what’s in front of me, I grab the spatula, lifting the pancake’s side to check how cooked the bottom side is.
“Almost done?”
“Patience is a virtue.”
Billy lets out a breath, supporting his weight with his arms as he leans against the kitchen counter. “You okay?”
I nod, tilting the pan slightly. “When it happened,” my knuckles lighten as I tighten my grip on the pan’s handle, “When Casey got that first call, I was standing in front of her stove.” Shaking my head to dismiss the potential downward spiral, I lift the edge of the pancake. “I can’t freak out every time I’m behind a stove for the rest of my life.”
“It hasn’t been that long,” Billy says patiently.
I flip the pancake. The loud hiss that follows leads me down a different road of memories. “I have good stove memories, too.” A weird thing to say, but it’s better than what I was thinking of. “When I was little, my mom didn’t have anyone to watch me and I was a terror unless I had something to do. So she used to sit me down on the counter next to the hot stove and had me mix the batter. It became such a thing she’d even put me on the counter when she was just baking. My mom went through a real baking phase from the time she was pregnant until around the time I started school.”
Lifting the pancake from the pan and onto the plate, I look up at Billy before pouring some more batter onto the pan. There’s a pensive quality to his expression that’s vaguely familiar. It reminds me of that brief second in the hospital after my mom came in. What had I called that look then? Wistful. “I used to trail my mom around the kitchen. She’d pretend to let me help her.” Focusing on the spatula in my hand, I try to keep my expression casual. “That was awhile ago.”
I abandon the utensil on the counter. Not being able to help myself, I turn and let myself look at him. What happened to his mother? She always comes up fleetingly, in ways that make it clear it’s a sensitive topic. I don’t think she’s passed away, the energy he reserves for her is too touchy. Maybe a messy divorce? I still remember that one summer my dad petitioned the court for custody and how much that sucked.
He’s closer than I realized. My hand reaches for his. He lets me intertwine our fingers. “Billy...” Thee’s something I should say. Something comforting and not pushy. Nothing good comes to mind. My thoughts are clouded by Billy’s eyes. My lips part, because he’s waiting for me to say something.
The smell of burning snaps me out of it. Snapping my head towards the stove, I release Billy’s hand. I yank the pan off of the stove and quickly drop it into the sink. Turning on the water, I begin fanning out the smoke. “Great, the one thing my mom told me not to do was trigger the fire alarm again.”
“Again?”
Turning away from the sink, I halfheartedly glare at Billy. “Long story and I’m not as responsible for it as that made me sound.”
He eyes me skeptically, taking a step forward. “Really?”
Before I can think of a response or get too lost in thought, an unexpected, tired voice interrupts us. “What are you guys up to?”
“Stu!” I grin, leaning against the counter. “We’re making pancakes.”
At that, Stu blinks, glancing at Billy, then at the still smoking pan, and finally, at me. “Really?”
“Trying to, at least,” I correct, “I’m way better at making them than it looks right now.”
Stu walks towards us with lazy steps. “I’m sure.” He ignores my pointed look, walking further into the room until he’s practically within reach. Stu extends an arm, vaguely reaching for me. I give in, closing the distance between us. He’s quick to wrap his arms around me gently. “Morning, angel.”
“Morning? It’s like 12:30.”
He runs his hand up and down my back for a second before I slip out of his grasp gently. “You’re the one making pancakes.”
I return to the sink, scraping the burnt pancake batter off of the pan. “Fair.” I turn off the sink after everything’s clean enough for me to start working again.
----
Reaching forward, I grab a few pieces of popcorn from the bowl that Stu stole from me. He turns his head, jokingly narrowing his eyes. “Hey, I made that.”
I pop a piece into my mouth. “Because I asked you to.”
“First, you make us watch this movie and now you’re stealing my popcorn.”
“First off, I didn’t make you watch this. You made a hospital bed promise to watch Clueless with me. You can’t back out of hospital bed promises, that’s like, karmic bad luck.” I pull my legs beneath me, sitting up a little more. “Second, it’s my popcorn, all you did was pop it. And I made you pancakes earlier!”
He shifts, pulling the plastic bowl towards him a little more. “Popping is the popcorn, without that it’s just kernels.” He ignores my glare. “Sorry, babe, but it’s mine.”
My last two pieces of popcorn go into my mouth. “Fine--if I say its yours, will you share?”
Stu sinks further into my couch, weighing his options. After a second, he shifts the bowl, leaning it in my direction. “Only for you.”
“We’re watching a movie.” Billy’s whisper is a little bit sharper than usual, irritated.
Billy being the kind of person to shush people for the smallest things during a movie makes sense. Even last night when I was basically wasted, he gave me a dirty look for mumbling something a little too loudly during The Shining. But that was the kind of movie he cares about.
I watch him as he stares at the TV. “Did you just shush me during Clueless?” He doesn’t react, just continues watching. I dramatically gasp, eyes widening. “Oh my god,” I don’t bother hiding the grin in my voice, “Are you, Billy Loomis, liking Clueless?”
“If you’re going to make me watch something, you should at least let me pay attention.” I press my hand against my mouth in an attempt to suppress a laugh. He is so busted. “If you don’t stop looking at me like that, I’m leaving.”
Holding my hands up in defense, I force myself to turn. “There’s nothing wrong with--”
“I’m leaving.”
“No!” My hand stretches forward, grabbing Billy’s arm. “It was a joke. I’ll stop. Promise.”
Billy looks at me skeptically for a long second. Cher says something to Dionne, and his eyes flit towards the screen, betraying him. “Fine,” he mumbles dismissively, attention already leaving me.
The second this movie is over, he’s never hearing the end of it. Oh, maybe if I play my cards right I’ll be able to get him to watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Unlikely, but I can dream.
I don’t know how the late morning turned into us watching a movie, but the company’s nice. I’m not used to an empty house and Billy and Stu are the kind of people that are hard to get tired of. Stu’s sense of humor becomes a little much after awhile, but telling him off is half the fun.
Billy relaxes against the couch, his arm eases as he turns over his palm. He intertwines our fingers before I can pull my arm back.
With the exception of a few comments Stu mumbled under his breath, the rest of the movie is watched with no interruptions. By the end of it, Stu’s head is on my shoulder and Billy’s still loosely holding my hand.
“I really promised you I’d watch that.” Rolling my eyes, I softly elbow Stu’s side. “Mean.” Before I can scold him for starting it, he moves on, “When is your mom getting back?”
Weird question, but I guess not too weird for Stu. “Um, Tuesday after school, right after the long weekend.” A part of me wishes we had school on Monday, at least it’d be something to do while I wait for my mom to come home. The more time I spend with people, the safer I feel. “Why? Do you have plans that’d get me in trouble or something?”
He moves away enough to look at me before throwing an arm around my shoulders. “I’ll get you in trouble whenever, angel.” Stu squeezes my arm, looking me over with a suggestive glint behind his eyes. “Except for tonight. Billy boy and I have places we need to be. Big, empty house plans.”
Oh. It’s not like I expected them to spend all weekend with me, but the vagueness of the statement makes me feel a little awkward. “‘Big empty house plans’ sounds like a code for an orgy.”
“Someone’s jealous.”
I half-scoff-half-laugh, “Of your orgy?”
Stu’s fingers press into the skin of my arm again. This time, the touch is a little firmer and less easy going. He raises his eyebrows up and down teasingly.
“Not an orgy,” Billy corrects, throwing a look at Stu that comes and goes so quickly, I can’t even start to interpret it, “Just a hangout with some guys and their girlfriends.”
I might not have the most experience with having friends that are (semi-)popular, and being left out of secret plans is a sore spot for me, but that sounds a little too much like: ‘Stu’s throwing a party that we don’t want to tell you about.’ But that’s a lot to assume from one sentence. “Still sounds like an orgy.”
“I’d invite you to my orgy,” Stu hums almost sweetly, his hand moving up and down my arm.
I shrug out of his grasp. “Really?”
“Eh.” Stu tries holding onto me as I continue to scoot away from him. “But only because an orgy’s a rough way to lose your virginity.”
Wow. Heat rushes to my face and the only thing that I’m thinking about is that I can’t just sit here silently. “What makes you think I’m a virgin?” Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. I shouldn’t humor him because now I’m going to have to have a conversation about virginity. “I was hot shit in Texas.”
There’s some odd quality to Stu’s grin. If I didn’t know better, I’d feel like he was baring his teeth. “You’re still hot shit, babe, that has nothing to do with it.” He answers my unspoken question before I can think to change the subject, “With the way your mom is about guys and how you listen to h--”
“I don’t always listen to my mom.” God, I’ve never felt like more of a little kid. “I-I drink and I don’t tell her about it.”
“But you’re mom’s okay with drinking.” My head turns towards Billy. “The first time I came over she was trying to convince you to get wine drunk with her so that you could watch some movies together.”
Do my mom and I enjoy the occasional tipsy movie night? Yes. Did Billy come over to work on a project with me while my mom was in the middle of trying to convince me to do just that? Yes. Did I need that thrown into my face right now?
Absolutely not. “What’s your point?”
“You always listen to your mom, it’s just not a problem because she basically lets you do whatever.”
Damn. Billy’s completely right, and so is Stu. I’ve never had sex or a boyfriend. I’ve never even had a first kiss because the one time I almost did at Chloe Woods’s 13th birthday party I freaked out and didn’t. They can never know that.
“Okay, I’m done talking to you guys about whether I have or haven’t had sex.” Scratching the back of my wrist, I try to keep my face just slightly annoyed. “And it’s weird that you’re connecting it so much to my mom.” I need a change of topic, and I need one fast. I think through all of the potential topics and how to throw this back at them. “Is that thing you’re doing at your house tonight the couples only thing a bunch of football players are going to?”
Stu’s smug grin turns, taking on an undertone that feels mean. “Pieced that together. You gonna put amateur detective on your journalism school application?”
I shrug, not loving this energy. “A few guys in my English class were talking about it on Tuesday.” The more time I spend with Stu and Billy, the more I notice their pension for staring when they want you to say more. “I forgot about it until Noel Thompson brought it up.”
“When did you talk to Noel Thompson?” Billy’s question comes out in a way that almost seems like an accusation.
“Uh, Friday, I’m pretty sure.” I scratch softly at my knee. “He came by to give me the homework I missed, which was nice because Mrs. Tegan assigned us another essay.” After a second, I meet Billy’s gaze, “He asked me if I wanted to go, I said I wasn’t really up for anything big, but he left his number in case I changed my mind.”
Oh! I have his number, maybe I could still go. Noel’s nice, and it’s not like I’ve ever been asked out before. Plus, he’s like the only guy in my English class that doesn’t have super sexist takes on our readings. “Oh, now that I know it’s at your place, maybe I should call him. That could be fun since you guys and Sid and Tate are gonna be there.”
“Noel Thompson yells a lot,” Billy says, voice weirdly low, “You’re too sensitive to go out with him.”
He doesn’t seem like the yelling type, but Billy’s demeanor keeps me from correcting him. “I wouldn’t be dating him, it’s just one party.”
“We never said it was a party.”
“Noel did.” I bite my tongue a second too late. The reaction came out too quickly. It makes me look defensive.
Stu’s touch on my forearm nearly makes me jump. “So you want to believe Noel because he came over to your house to flirt with you?” Not what happened, and before I can even open my mouth to defend myself, Stu continues, “I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you’re being naive, I feel like I have to tell you. Noel broke up with his last three girlfriends like a week after fucking them for the first time.”
Nails digging into the skin of my palm, I find it nearly impossible to meet Stu’s stare. “If you don’t want me there or don’t want me going with you, that’s fine, but don’t lie to me like I’m stupid.” What’s with them? One minute, they’re the sweetest, and then the next, they’re trying to parent me. “I get that it’s probably not fun to know that your friend’s a disaster when she drinks because then you feel like you need to babysit her, but I won’t be your problem tonight.”
“You’re always our problem.”
I try pulling my arm away from Stu, but he’s holding on too tight. “Excuse me?”
“Like you’re not going to come crying to us the second he tries something you don’t like.”
Didn’t realize my friendship was so annoying considering that they literally snuck into my house last night. “If you don’t want me telling you about things anymore, congratulations, because I won’t.” I try yanking my arm away again, this time being more firm about it. Stu’s grip is too much, and for the first time ever, that sends a pinprick of nerves through me. “Stu, let go.”
Billy places a hand over Stu’s. At that, Stu loosens his hold on me. “Stu’s just saying we don’t like seeing you upset.” There’s something about Billy’s calmness that bugs me. It’s feels as forced as the voice I used when I worked at the mall and a woman I couldn’t yell at kept snapping at me. “Noel’s an asshole, ask Sid if you want. He creeps her out.”
That’s likely true. Sid gave me a bit of a ‘be careful’ look when she saw me talking to him after class once. “I appreciate the concern, but it’s not a big deal. It’s not even an actual date.”
“It’s not a good idea,” Billy continues, “He’s going to hurt you.”
“I get that you’re worried, and that’s nice of you, but I can handle myself.”
Stu releases my arm completely, sinking into himself, “We just want a night where it’s just us and our girlfriends. You’re around all the time.”
My lips part, but no words come out. Nothing angry or considerate, just silence. I’m 14 again and finding out that while I called all my friend’s houses asking if they wanted to hang out, they were out together. I’m 12 again and fighting with my mom, defending my dad for standing me up on my birthday just to find out that she lied for him. He wasn’t working. He was at my stepsister’s cello recital.
Every moment in which I’ve been too much. Too attached, too needy, too dependent on others hits me at full force. And it hurts. And it’s unfair...it’s not like I ask them to be around all the time. I didn’t ask them to come over last night.
But I do involve myself in a lot of the things they do with Sid and Tatum. Mall trips, coffee runs, movie nights. Sometimes Randy’s there as well, but there have been times where I just kinda involved myself.
I thought we were all friends and that no one minded. This wouldn’t be the first time I made that mistake. Is this just a Stu and Billy thing or do Tatum and Sidney feel the same way?
“We can do something tomorrow.” Billy’s voice is still patient, but it doesn’t feel fake anymore. I can’t tell if that makes me feel better or worse. “I’ll drive you to the big bookstore on the other side of town.”
That’s something I’d normally jump at. It’s one of the worst parts of having no license. No one ever wants to take me to the big bookstore because it’s far and I take forever. There’s nothing more time consuming than me in a bookstore with a cafe inside of it.
I nod. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” Billy’s eyes are heavy on me. I don’t like it. “Maybe--I um, I have a lot of homework I want to get done before my mom gets back. She takes up a lot of time after trips, no matter how small. She has a thing about taking pictures.”
“Don’t be mad at me, Stu’s the one that said it.”
“Like you’ve never said it.”
Great, now I have to think of them talking about how annoying and clingy I am. “I’m not mad.”
“Stu’s an idiot, he only said that so that you’d be mad at both of us.” Billy’s words are too carefully picked. He didn’t deny thinking that. “You can do your school stuff tonight, that way we can go tomorrow.”
“Yeah, that’s a good idea.” I need to act more okay about all of this before they accuse me of making a big deal about this. It’s bad enough that they already think I’m clingy. “You know I should probably start soon and I’m feeling kinda tired.”
Billy turns to face forward. “You’re kicking us out.”
His voice sounds so small I’d backtrack if it wasn’t for my thoughts. “I’m feeling weird, I’m not sure you’re supposed to drink with a concussion, which could explain why I got drunk so fast yesterday. I think I need a nap before I start working on anything.” I stare at my lap. “That way I’ll have time to finish it all before tomorrow. Besides, you guys have that thing to get ready for.”
At that, Billy seems to unfreeze. He nods. “Yeah, you’re right.” He moves to stand. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
Stu gets up without looking at me. Whatever his problem is. Who is he to call me clingy when he literally got drunk and demanded to stay at my house last night? I say one last goodbye and the two of them leave.
Never have I wanted to talk to my mom and dissect an interaction more, but I can’t without getting into the whole thing. I could edit out the details so that she doesn’t kill me, but I don’t want to get into all of that. Lying and keeping things from her isn’t my strong suit, and I don’t have the energy.
Maybe I should just do homework.
----
“Oh my god, you know what you have to do, right?” Hallie’s voice rings so loudly throughout the phone’s receiver that I have to push it away. “And if you say homework, I’m hanging up and never talking to you again. Please tell me you’re not doing homework.”
I frown at the essay in front of me. “You’ve been friends with me long enough to know that that’s my go to panic move.”
Hallie and I have been each other’s go to’s since we met in the first grade. I had been having a terrible day, and then when Samantha Colts made fun of me for reading during recess, Hallie pushed her off the swings. The teacher asked me if I saw what happened and I said I didn’t see anything. It was my first lie to an authority figure and Hallie’s first time hurting someone for me.
“Okay, but this is different. You can’t let guys walk all over you like that. if you let them get away with it once, they will do it a thousand times.” Not only did I call Hallie because of how close we are, I also called her because she’s always so opinionated when it comes to guys. Not that this is really a ‘guy’ situation, because it’s not like I’m dating them. But still, they’re boys, and I’ve never cared about a guy’s opinion so much before. “You need to hang up on me, call that football player, and show up, looking super hot. Don’t acknowledge Billy or Stu unless they walk up to you and then be like ‘oh, haven’t noticed you, I’ve been busy.’”
Do I want to do that? I mean, it’d be fun to get in a jab about that whole clingy thing, but it’s conflictive, and arguing with them is exhausting. “I don’t know.”
“Well, I do,” she continues, “Go to that party in the outfit Gloria wore to chaperon our middle school dance. The one that almost got her called into the principal’s office.”
Ugh...my mom was about to turn 30 when I was in middle school, and the crisis of leaving her 20s showed. “It’s late, Noel probably already has a date.”
“So? Tell him that your schedule just cleared up and that you’re a better time than whoever he’s replaced you with.” I love Hallie, but she’s not like me. When she wants someone, she has them wrapped around her finger in an instant. “You’re just using that as an excuse. Go out, have fun, make them eat their hearts out.”
I roll my eyes. “They’re not going to care that much. They have girlfriends, remember? It’s not like that.”
“Guys are weird about seeing you with other guys, even if you’re just friends. It’s like a psychological thing, like they want you around as an option or think that you’re gonna get stollen or something. I don’t know. People have studied it.”
While I doubt that, she’s never given me bad boy advice before. “I just don’t want this one thing to ruin our friendship. Maybe I should give them the space they want.” I groan, going from sad to angry. “You know what, screw them. If they don’t want to be friends with me anymore than who needs them?”
“No, those are your daddy issues talking. Just because you’re mad at a guy doesn’t mean you’re never going to talk again.” After a second of silence, Hallie asks, “Are Billy and Stu hot? I’m imagining them really hot.”
This is the exact kind of question Hallie would ask, but I can’t help feeling embarrassed. “Hallie, they have girlfriends, remember?”
“Doesn’t answer my question.”
Sighing dramatically, I cautiously eye my room as I pull the receiver even closer to my face. “Yes, they’re hot.”
She squeals. “I knew it. I cannot wait until I visit.”
The thought of Hallie meeting either Billy or Stu makes my stomach feel unsettled. She earned the nickname Hurricane Hallie when we were kids for a reason. She likes to flit in, let others get wrapped up in the storm when they should be bunkering down, and then she disappears, leaving you alone with the aftermath. I love her, but I don’t want her interfering with my life here just yet.
“Yeah, hot guys with girlfriends, your speciality.”
I can practically feel her eye roll. “Yep, that’s me,” she plays along sarcastically, “Now quit stalling and call him. I’m hanging up before you can change your mind. And wear something hot for me, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll dress up all pretty just for you.”
She giggles, “Alright, love ya. Call me tomorrow with the details.”
“Okay, wi--” Before I can finish my good byes, Hallie hangs up. She’s smart, she knew I was like two seconds away from talking myself out of this.
With a sigh, I flip over the English packet Noel dropped off on Friday. He scribbled his number on the back. I dial it before I can panic. After two rings, he answers. “Hello?”
“Uh, hi, Noel, it’s me, Y/n, from English.” Ugh--I can feel Hallie facepalming from states away. “I know it’s kinda last minute, but I was wondering if you still wanted to go to that thing?”
----
Those freaking liars.
This is a damn party, and honestly, I’m offended that they thought they could get away with lying to me about this. It’s not like I’m social classes below them. At least, not all the time. At the very least, they should have considered that Sidney and Tatum could have brought it up to me.
Honestly, this whole thing is starting to feel weird. Who throws a party that’s couples only? It feels like the kind of thing old married couples would say to get a group of swingers over to their house. Now I’m starting to feel weird.
“You look really pretty, by the way.” Noel’s voice snaps me out of my train of thought. “I don’t think I told you that earlier.”
I smile warmly, feeling the slightest bit easier. I went full in with Hallie’s advice and dug through my mom’s closet until I found her go to chaperoning outfit. Pink, low cut halter top paired with a pink mini skirt. Nothing flashy, just mildly suggestive. “Thank you.”
He gestures towards Stu’s house with a nod of his head. “You wanna go in?”
Bracing myself for what I hope won’t be a too drastically eventful night, I nod and let him lead me into the house. The second we step inside, the fact that this is most definitely, undeniably a party hits me at full force. From Noel’s truck, I could hear music coming from the house, but this is something else all together. The energy is absolutely magnetic. So magnetic that when Noel comes back from the kitchen and hands me a beer, I don’t think twice before drinking some.
I’m about halfway done with my third (maybe?) drink when a high pitched, “Y/n!” steals my attention.
I turn, searching for the source of the sound. Oh, it’s Tatum. Am I mad at her? What Stu said kind of made it seem like everyone was getting tired of me. I guess the only thing I can do is act normal until I figure it out. “Tate!”
She runs up to me in a tipsy-enthusiastic way. I let her pull me into a hug. “I was starting to miss you. I even wanted to call you to come over but Stu hasn’t given me a minute.”
The mention of Stu’s name leaves me feeling awkward. I almost didn’t notice him lingering around Tatum until she mentioned it. He places an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her even tighter as she giggles and pretends to push him away. “I’ve missed you, Tay.”
She rolls her eyes, pulling on Stu’s shirt slightly. “Boys are overrated. We should have a girls day soon.”
That sounds nice, especially since I don’t think I’ll be spending as much time around Billy and Stu. “Yeah, we should go get our nails done or something soon.”
“Yes,” she grins, “Oh my god, are you here with Noel Thompson? We saw you walk in with him earlier, I wanted to say ‘hi’ then, but I lost you.”
Okay, maybe Tatum’s a little more than just tipsy. “That’s okay,” I giggle, “And yeah, I’m here with Noel, he’s just grabbing another drink. He came to my place to bring me some homework from English and then asked me if I wanted to come with him.”
“Oh, that’s cute,” she hums, “Just be careful, though. I’ve heard enough girls crying over him in the school bathroom.”
Stu’s lack of attention is starting to feel pointed as he continues to be all over Tate. I guess that’s what he wants tonight, but he could come up for air long enough to say hi. Whatever, if he doesn’t want to talk to me, I don’t want to talk to him.
“I know, I know. It’s casual.”
“Good,” she agrees, “I’m gonna go get another drink, but you should find Sidney when you get the chance, she missed you, too.”
Oh. Both Sid and Tate wanted me here. So Stu and Billy are the ones that have problems with me. Tate circles her way out of Stu’s grasp, laughing and throwing a look over her shoulder once she finally escapes. After she disappears into the crowd, I’m left alone with Stu.
Just when I’m about to break and say something to him, Noel returns, swinging an arm over my shoulder and pulling me towards him. “Hey, you wandered off.”
“Hi,” I grin, “Sorry, I saw someone I knew.”
“Oh, you’re friends with Macher?” Noel turns to look at Stu, who seems to snap out of a level of aloofness. “How you doing, man? I meant to check in after the whole Casey thing. I know you guys broke up awhile ago, but still, it’s gotta hurt.”
Wait--did Noel just say Stu used to date Casey?
How has that not come up? He was literally in the hospital with me after--? I guess that explains why he wasn’t thrilled when he saw me talking to her after homeroom. No one likes it when their friends talk to their exes, but not mentioning it at all? That’s weird.
“Hey, you okay?” Noel squeezes my arm. “You look a little uneasy.”
“She’s the girl that was at Casey’s the night it happened.” Stu explains, his tone a lot softer than anything he’s used around me since our argument. “She’s still sensitive about it. Aren’t you, angel?”
I blink twice, taking a long sip of room temperature beer. “I um--”
“Shit, that was you?” Noel takes an awkward semi-step away from me. “I must’ve forgot it was you. I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories.”
“It’s fine.” I internally cringe at how fast the answer comes out. “I’m gonna, I need to use the bathroom.”
Waiting for nothing else, I turn on my heels. The sound of my name is faint in my ears as I rush away from the crowds. I just need a second away from this noise so that I can think.
“Hey, Y/n.” I nearly jump out of my skin as a hand grabs my arm. I turn too quickly, nearly stumbling into the wall behind me. Noel’s watching me with eyes that ooze sympathy. “I am so sorry about bringing up Casey. I didn’t know you knew her, let alone--”
“It’s fine,” I breathe through gritted teeth, “I just-I need a second.” Why am I melting down? Because he mentioned her name so casually? Because of the fact that Stu dated her?
“I didn’t um-I didn’t expect to hear her name. The things that have been making me spaz lately have been so random.”
Noel nods once, “That makes sense, I can’t even imagine it.” When I don’t ease, Noel drops his arm. “Wanna go into the kitchen? It’s quiet there and I can get you some water. You just-you kinda look like you want to throw up.”
I nod gently, letting Noel lead me out of the hallway and towards the kitchen. My stomach is in literal tangles, Noel nailed the ‘wanting to throw up’ thing.
He’s right. Stu’s kitchen is empty and well lit, making it a lot easier to breathe as Noel pulls a water bottle out of a cooler. “Are you feeling okay? You look really freaked out.”
I twist the lid off of the water bottle before bringing it to my mouth. I take small sips until nearly half the water’s gone. “Do you think it’s weird that Stu never mentioned they used to date?” The second the question is out, I regret it. Noel doesn’t know the situation. I don’t even really know the situation. I can’t start rumors like that based on a bad feeling after an emotional day. Especially not when talking to a guy I barely know. Maybe I could get away with bringing this up to Randy, but not Noel. “Oh my god, I’m a terrible person for asking that.”
“I don’t think you’re terrible,” Noel starts gently, “It’s natural to question everything after something like this happens.” I nod, fingers twisting the plastic cap between my fingers. “And I honestly don’t think it’s that weird that he didn’t bring it up.”
My eyebrows draw together at that. I press the cap into the counter with my thumb. “What?”
“It makes him look super suspicious. I don’t think I’d want to take that kind of heat over a girl I dated sophomore year of high school.” That’s a decent point, I guess. If most people have forgotten you dated someone, why bring it up when it could potentially ruin your life? “Plus, if we’re going to make everyone Casey Becker dated a murder suspect, the police will have their fair share of guys to look through.”
My thumb digs so deeply into the plastic that I can feel the ridges of the cap dig into my skin. “Are you seriously slut shaming her right now?” God, what is it with men? “My friend’s--she’s gone and you feel the need to make a joke about her dating life?”
“No!” He blurts out, moving like the implication scalded him. “No, I’m not saying that at all, I’m just saying that I know Stu. He’s a lot and he makes jokes, but he’s not a killer.” Noel shifts when he realizes that I’m not easing, “He’s not like his friend.”
What? “His friend?”
Noel leans against the counter. “Him and Billy are pretty close, and Billy seems impulsive and too attached to how people see him. I’ve known them since we were kids, but Billy’s the only one that gives me that vibe, y’know?” When I don’t say anything, he continues, “I’m not saying Billy did it, there’s no proof as far as I know. I’m just saying that’d surprise me less.” Noel’s gaze moves towards the cap I’m still fiddling with. “He’s just a little too...I don’t know--protective?”
The choice of wording cuts through me. While Stu’s up front about everything, Billy’s the one that’s quiet, hard to read, and cares so much about the people he’s close with in an invisible way. The way he reacted to me saying I might come here with Noel tonight demonstrates the distinction between them clearly. Stu was openly bothered, but Billy...he was nice. Maybe too nice?
Okay, that’s ridiculous. I can’t suspect Billy, the same Billy that was making pancakes with me this morning and grabbed the syrup off of the top shelf when I couldn’t, of murder. Especially not because he seems like less of a wild card than Stu.
But then again, most killers aren’t the larger than life personalities. The charismatic white guy is the bad guy so often I’m surprised they’re still never the first suspect.
Ugh. I hate thinking about this. I’ve had too much too drink and my head’s starting to hurt.
“I don’t think it’s Billy, for the record,” Noel says after I refuse to end our long stretch of silence, “I was just using him as a reference point.”
It can’t be Billy. It can’t be. I’m drunk and creating conspiracy theories out of panic. I’ve done it before. Two seconds ago I thought it could be Stu just because he didn’t feel like advertising the fact that he used to go out with a murder victim. I can’t just switch up based on whoever’s name I hear while I’m freaking out.
“Yeah.” My voice sounds hollow, unsure. “Sorry, this is a party, and that was bleak.”
“You’re fine,” Noel seems genuine, “You’ve been through so much I don’t even know how you’re out of the house. I’d be too scared to ever do anything again.”
I smile at his effort. “Guess I’m tougher than I look.” Letting go of my water bottle, I reach for the beer I abandoned. “No more talk about all of that, let’s just have fun.”
Noel picks up his own beer bottle, tapping the neck of it against mine. “I’ll drink to that.”
----
The alcohol, small talk, and forcing myself back into the party was supposed to help my anxiety. It hasn’t. No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking through every interaction I’ve ever had with Billy. Even the nice things feel weird now. I couldn’t even bring myself to meet his gaze when he nodded in acknowledgement towards me earlier. And when Sid called me over, I pretended not to notice.
Ugh, I hate myself for letting these ideas get into my head.
There’s no proof. There’s nothing. And because of that, even if I could form an opinion, no one would believe me. Whenever I mention anything about that night, people look at me like a child that needs to be coddled. Their eyes get all sympathetic as they dismiss me with kind phrases like, anything’s possible and yeah, I think the police should look into that.
if I put this in the perspective of something I know well, all mysteries have evidence. They all go back to the crime scene. If Randy gets to pretend that this is a scary movie, I can pretend it’s a mystery novel.
And following that logic, I need to go back to Casey’s house.
After I pee. God, I don’t feel drunk, but it’s possible considering how many times I’ve abandoned Noel in the last hour to use the bathroom. I don’t hate the excuse to leave, everyone’s getting couple-y and making out and maybe Stu did have a tiny bit of a good reason for telling me not to come tonight.
Whoever’s in there is taking way too long. I lift my hand to knock again, but before I do, the door opens. The lack of physical object in the way throws me off. My fist flatly lands against a chest.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry!” I immediately take my hand back, looking up at the person who I accidentally hit. “I am--” The rest of my apology is lost as I realize that it’s Billy. I take two steps back as my heart thrums in my chest.
“Oh, Billy, it’s you.” Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. A nervous giggle leaves me. “I um-I didn’t see you there.” Shaking my head dramatically, I start over, “I saw you, I just-I didn’t see--before, you know?”
He regards me cautiously. “How much have you had to drink?”
“Not much,” I mumble, digging my nails into my palms to avoid bouncing on the balls of my feel, “I um--I’m not your problem, anyways, remember?” It’s supposed to be a joke, or maybe an excuse for my aloofness, but it comes out too bitter. “Sorry, um, we can talk more tomorrow. Bookstore, right?” When Billy doesn’t move or say anything, I tilt my chin up, “Bathroom. I need to use the bathroom.”
Billy tilts his head, his expression unreadable as he takes a step forward. “You jumped when you saw me.”
My eyes widen. “No.” The denial is too quick, too offended. “I jumped because I didn’t expect to see you, or anyone.” I cross my arms in front of my chest, tying to seem steady. “I’ve been drinking.” I whisper the last word like it’s some kind of secret.
“I noticed,” Billy says flatly. His hands almost leave his sides like he’s considering trying to help stabilize me. Or do something more cynical. “Maybe you should get your boyfriend to take you home.”
Swallowing back my dread, I watch him for a long second, “Boyfriend? Oh, Noel, he’s not--I mean he’s nice.” He thinks you could be a murderer. “I don’t think he’s in the going home mood, and I need some air. I’m walking home after this.”
Billy presses his lips into a thin line. “Let me take you home, make sure you get to bed okay.”
“No.” The word is basically a pout, and the way I sway slightly doesn’t make things any better. “Not your problem anymore, remember?”
He pushes himself away from the doorway of the bathroom. Billy stalks towards me slowly. I hold my ground until Billy’s basically leaning over me. At that, I step back, but Billy keeps going until I’m backed into the wall.
The hallway is empty, but the party is still alive and well around the corner. It feels like a world away with Billy standing this close. “I never said you were a problem and I never said you weren’t mine.”
His words only half make sense, but the intensity of his tone edges me towards panic. “Billy,” I begin slowly, “I just want to go to the bathroom, splash some water on my face, and then go home.”
He places a hand next to my head and I feel air claw its way back down my throat at the implication. He’s trapping me. “You’ve been avoiding me all night. Didn’t even say anything to Sid when she tried waving you over.”
I shake my head the little bit I can in this position, silently praying that I don’t look like a deer caught in headlights. “No...I was just giving you guys the space you asked for.”
Billy leans impossibly closer, his hand sliding off the wall. I hold my breath until his thumb brushes against my cheek. Despite the tension in the air that I’d need a knife to cut through and my own nerves, my body relaxes instantly at the contact. “Do you remember when we first met?”
It was during lunch. Tatum was the one that first pulled me towards their group and Stu was the one that kept calling me over. It was my first day and I was super nervous about lunch. Stu called me over before I could freak out and then a few seconds later began a joke that turned some kid into a punchline. I remember not being super comfortable, but not wanting to say anything because I couldn’t risk it. Billy had jumped in and saved me from needing to make a comment about it.
“Yeah,” my voice is too soft, too flighty, “During lunch on my first day.”
He nods once, eyes taking on a kinder hue. “You know what the first thing I noticed about you was?” Billy doesn’t wait for me to respond, “That you can’t keep a single thought or opinion off of your face.”
Every drop of blood rushes down my body. The corner of Billy’s mouth turns upwards at my expression. “That’s how I know that you’re lying. You don’t want to go home. Where were you going?”
Staring at him is becoming too difficult. “The bathroom,” I mumble, “And then...Casey’s.”
And just like that, any cracks in Billy’s demeanor disappear. “Stu’s right when he says you’re one impulse away from playing Nancy Drew.” I don’t say anything, but Billy doesn’t seem to mind my silence. “You’re drunk, you should go home.”
“I’ll get there.” I try to sound serious as I say, “Go spend some time with your girlfriend, I’m fine.”
Billy looks at me for a long second, the fingers cupping my face pressing slightly into the skin of my neck. Something I don’t recognize flashes across his expression. All at once, it disappears and Billy steps away from me. “Sid would kill me if I let you wander the streets this drunk.”
“Don’t do me any favors, I’m not trying to be anyone’s responsibility.”
With a sigh, Billy looks me over again, “I’d worry too.” He studies my reaction, “Friends worry about their friends.” When I don’t protest, Billy continues, “Go to the bathroom, I’ll walk you home after.”
----
I’m being ridiculous. If I don’t start acting normal, Billy’s going to realize that I’m freaking out. If he hasn’t already.
Shaking the thought out of my system, I keep my eyes on the ground. People saw us leave together. Sid gave me a quick hug and told Billy to take his time keeping an eye on me, considering the fact that no one’s waiting for me at home and I’ve been kinda jumpy. Two girls from two of my different classes waved goodbye to me. I wanted to say goodbye to Noel, but I couldn’t find him.
The October air bites against my skin. My mom could get away with wearing this in Texas no matter the time of year because it’s actually hot there. I keep my arms tucked into myself for warmth.
“Here.” Billy’s stopped walking, and now he’s holding his arm out to me.
I blink, realizing after a second too long that he’s offering me his jacket. He’s looking just past me like he can’t bring himself to meet my eyes. It’s weirdly cute in an awkward way. The endearment that I feel quickly melts into guilt.
I take the jacket, shrugging it on. “Thanks.”
“Are you okay?” Billy takes a step towards me, nearly making me trip off the sidewalk. “Be honest.” When I still can’t bring myself to say anything, Billy’s expression seems to cloud, “We’re not at a party, we’re not at school. It’s just you and me.”
It’s ironic that the only anchor I feel is the warmth of Billy’s jacket. The patience that he’s looking at me makes the dam break. “I--I feel like I’m going crazy, all the time.” My answer is so honest, my throat feels raw. “And I feel like that because I lived I’m like indebted to the universe or something. Like--like I’m supposed to do something for Casey, but I can’t do anything because I don’t even feel like I can trust my own thoughts.” A small scoff leaves me. I’ve never been this pathetic. “What if I’m never normal again? I-I tried watching the movie that we were gonna watch before it happened the other day and I couldn’t even get through the first five minutes. And I--I loved that movie.”
By the time I’m done with my rant, Billy is close enough to me to pull me into a hug. I let him, slowly moving my arms back around him. “It’s been a week,” he whispers, “You just need time.” I nod into his chest. “And in the mean time, we can find a better movie than A Nightmare on Elm Street.”
I move away far enough to wipe at my face with the back of my hands. “Yeah,” I smile stiffly through a sniffle, “I just want to go home and not drink again for a really long time.”
Billy lets go of me. I turn slowly, already starting to walk again. Billy stays behind me. Shit, he picked up on it. I break out into a run, ignoring the confusion in my body. Billy’s footsteps are deceptively quiet behind me.
We’re only blocks away from my house. I can--I can get there.
He grabs my forearm, forcing me to face him. “Wh-what’s gotte--”
“How’d you know what movie was playing?!” Billy pauses, his grip on my arm tightening. “I didn’t tell you. I only told one person, and it-it was the guy on the phone.” His lips part, but before he can speak I stomp on his foot with all of my strength. It doesn’t affect him until I throw all of my weight back, forcing him to loosen his hold just enough for me to squirm away from him.
I start running again, taking off my wedged heels and throwing them blindly behind me, hoping that they somehow slow him down. Those shoes are more of a hazard than running barefoot.
Now it’s just me and a race against Billy as I try to think of every horror movie mistake I could possibly make. My instinct is to run through the woods in order to potentially lose him, but that’s literally the opening scene mistake. So I just run fast and straight, staying on the illuminated sidewalk path and never looking behind me to see if he’s still following.
The house is only steps away from me. “Y/n!” Shit. I pick up the pace, ignoring the ache in my side and chest. “Let me explain!” I scramble to unlock the door. Billy’s close.
Just as I throw open the door, Billy’s fingers brush against my shoulder. A scream that I can’t even recognize as my own bleeds from me as I slam the door behind me. Billy pushes against the wood, but I was expecting him to do that. I use all of my force to shove against the door. After slamming it hard a few times, the door shuts just enough for me to be able to twist the lock into place.
This isn’t my first time trying to keep an angry man locked out of the house so I know better than to move away from the door while he’s still pounding on it. “You can’t believe that I’d do that.”
My eyes squeeze shut, tears blurring my vision. “Just go away! Please.”
“Not if you think I killed them.” He continues to knock and try the door handle. “You think I’d hurt you?”
I’m still struggling to breathe and the adrenaline is starting to wear off. My head is starting to pound.
A familiar ringing cuts through my emotional haze. The phone. The living room extension is only a few steps away from me. It could be my mom calling because she can’t sleep, or my dad, or maybe even Hallie. All I know is that it’s a lifeline, and Billy’s no longer shaking the front door.
I keep one hand on the door for as long as I can before picking up the receiver. “Mom?”
A dark laugh that’s played almost every night in my head since I first heard it absorbs all the hope from my body. “I’ll give you one more guess, doll face, just cause I like you so much.”
My bones are glass, the phone slips from my grasp. It clatters onto the ground, not loud enough to be heard over my heartbeat. The last time I ignored him, he didn’t take it well. That’s the only reason I find the strength to sit down and pick up the phone. I push myself back so that my back is pressed into the front door.
“You back yet? You’re cute, but I don’t like being ignored.” My breath comes out just shaky enough for it to be audible. “Oh, I hear you. What’s wrong, doll face? Not happy to hear from me?” My lips part, but my voice has completely left me. “Aw, keep the silent treatment up and you’ll hurt my feelings. And I play a lot less nice when my feelings are hurt. Might even have to take it on your buddy Billy Loomis, since you left him locked out like that.”
Billy? “I-I’m still not sure that this isn’t Billy, but if it’s not leave him alone.”
“Maybe you’ll believe it’s not him when he turns up gutted like your little friend.”
The reference to Casey forces my stomach to lurch. I swallow back bile. “Why’d you do that?” I force my hand over my mouth as I almost let out a cry. Did I just kill Billy? “Why-why do that to Casey and just let me live?” Wiping my face with my palm harshly, I try to keep my voice steady, “Why call me now?”
There’s the slightest bit of motion audible over the receiver. “What can I say, baby doll? I missed your voice.” If I felt any strength left in my body, I would have rolled my eyes at that. “You should already know why I let you live. You said it yourself the first time I called you.”
“What?”
He lets out a cruel laugh at such blatant confusion. “I’m not doing all of this to make a bad scary movie. And all the greats have a final girl, you said it yourself.” As his words sink in, a sob threatens to escape the confines of my chest. If he means what he’s saying, then a lot more people are going to die. “And, sweet cheeks, you’re mine.”
The possessive sort of growl that makes up the last word sends a chill straight through me. This game of cat and mouse is starting to make me sick. A floorboard from upstairs creeks and instinct takes over. “But you have to earn it, doll face, no fun if it’s guaranteed.”
I force myself to stand on shaky legs. He could be in the house. Billy and Stu had no trouble getting in last night, but Billy already knew about my window. My breaths are too shallow as I reach the kitchen, stealing a knife from the block on the counter.
“You know,” I start, trying to sound braver than I feel, “A lot of times final girls kill the slasher.”
Another sharp chuckle. “I’m glad I picked you.”
Footsteps are coming from the stairwell. I grip the knife’s handle, trying to force myself to walk towards the stairs. “You won’t feel that way forever.”
“Feisty,” the voice either growls or groans, I can’t tell.
My skin crawls as the steps from the stairs sound closer than ever. I hold the knife out in front of me with shaking hands.
“Y/n, I--” Billy stops in front of me, holding his hands out in front of him. “I just wanted to tell you that I knew the movie because they printed it in the newspaper. It was in the VCR when the police found you and they listed it in that article where they listed everything that was in Casey’s living room.”
There was that one article that over analyzed everything about what was in Casey’s house. They even listed the lipglosses Casey was showing me and a bottle of opened nail polish we left out. The explanation paired with the fact that the person on the other line is still there leave my head spiraling.
“Billy?” He’s probably so mad at me and I-I just--how did we end up here? I drop the knife, letting it hit the ground.
“I leave your friend alone and you thank me by ignoring me?” The voice on the other end of the line snaps me out of it.
After stuttering for a moment, I finally blurt out, “Leave him alone.”
“Protective,” the voice muses, “Careful, baby doll, I might get jealous.” Before I can get myself to speak again, the line goes dead.
Billy’s the one that knocks me out if my panicked trance. He delicately places a hand on my shoulder. I can’t breathe. I don’t think I’m crying until my vision turns blurry. He tugs me towards him, placing a hand on my back. He rubs my back soothingly. “You’re okay.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice hoarse, “I’m so sorry, I--”
“It’s okay,” he whispers, letting me hug him tightly, “It’s okay.” Billy pulls me away just enough so that I can look him in the eye. “We’ll call the police and figure it out, okay?” I nod, but make no move to let go of him.
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Taglist: @cole22ann @womenarecannibals @fand0mskullfa1ry @princessleah129 @i-amnotokaywiththis @fvcking-gxddess @suckmyass-things
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A/n things were getting a little too nice and i had to remind y’all hehe
#scream#scream x reader#screa 1996#billy loomis#billy loomis x reader#stu macher#stu macher x reader#ghostface#ghostface x reader#poly!ghostface#poly! ghostface x reader
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WOW, so volume 3 of The Missing is out and… what the heck just happened? 😂 I feel like this volume left me with more questions than the previous two volumes combined. There are some VERY intriguing lore bits in this one (and also a lot of.. questionable stuff again, too lol). It messed with my head in every possible way, so I hope I can somehow collect my thoughts by writing them all down under the cut. You know the drill. :D So let’s dive into it.
(Btw, I've already talked about the matter of each volume being drawn by a different artist in my post on volume 2, so I’ll just say that, out of the three art styles we got so far, I probably like this one the least? Maybe it was just me, but I found myself a bit confused at times by the visuals and what was happening? lol Of course, this is all subjective and it's not bad or anything, I just liked the previous ones better, I guess. But hey, it’s nice to see that, apparently this new artist got BioWare’s memo on Varric’s (and Harding’s) new design, too. lol So, no sudden design change again, like we got from volume 1 to 2. Though is it just me or does Harding’s hairstyle keep changing in every volume? lol Makes me wonder what it‘ll end up being if we get to see her again in DA4 (because she‘s obviously going to be a companion 👀.)
- So we start off with a neat one page kinda “roadmap”/”montage” of Varric and Harding traveling to our next destination, Arlathan Forest….. by ship? (*still crossing fingers for a ship main base in DA4 btw*) Ok, I know I said I would stop nitpicking about every little thing in this story that seems to happen out of “plot convenience” after the last volume, but.. I just have so many questions here already. 😂
Ok, so.. how exactly did they even manage to make it out of Vyrantium like that? Are the Antaam who are setting the siege on the city, in addition to not knowing about people getting in and out of the city through the sewage, ALSO not aware of/don’t care about people leaving the city by ship? 😂 I mean, I would assume that the Antaam still have a strong naval power under their belt with all those dreadnoughts and what not, so… were Varric and Harding just incredibly lucky or are the Antaam just really bad at setting a siege? lol
In fact, why even take the risk to travel by ship in the first place? lol Especially considering how in the first chapter of Tevinter Nights, it was said that the Antaam were occupying the shores along the Arlathan Forest, so…. did they just retreat after the events of that chapter or.. again, are Varric and Harding just incredibly lucky to have not come across their camps when they reached the shores? 😂 ANYWAY.
- Nope. Luckily, they don‘t encounter any Antaam OR their dreadnoughts, but they do come across a few shipwrecks that *are* probably the result/aftermath of some sea battles between the Qunari and Tevinter, I assume? OR, my other guess, seeing as there is also this giant sea monster depicted on the map right along Varric and Harding’s route…
....maybe those ships fell victim to one of those lovely creatures. lol (Remember that DA4 codex entry in one of the BioWare Community Updates about motherflippin Sea Dragons??) There certainly seems to be a good chance for a generally far more “oceanic” setting in DA4! 👀👀
Btw, I’ve also seen people being confused about there being icebergs in the northern sea? lol
I mean, we already established snow on the equator (confirmed by Mark Darrah himself lmao), so I don’t see a problem with some ice in the nocen sea. lol
- Anyway, leaving the sea behind us… We then get a gorgeous establishing shot of our next location, prompting me to say.. Welcome to Inception Forest I mean Arlathan Forest!
Things have indeed become very strange in this place, it seems.
My first question upon seeing this was actually how old some of these twisted structures and the ruins we see throughout this volume might be? Seeing as the general assumption seems to be that this forest was the place where the capital city of Elvhenan Arlathan once stood, and imo it’s as good as confirmed at this point that Arlathan is/was the Golden/Black City in the center of the Fade, I’d say it makes a lot of sense that magic ran wild here after Solas created the Veil and did whatever to take Arlathan to the Fade, along with some very angry trapped gods inside? lol Unless we believe that other story in which, according to Tevinter, Arlathan sank onto the ocean floor after some massive blood ritual, long after the Veil was created. Either way, the Veil/magic/spirits going bonkers in this place could be traced back to a lot of historic events.
What I am kinda missing in this panel though (besides Harding’s hair color, I guess lol) and throughout this whole volume actually, are the golden/autumn leaves we’ve been seeing in all the concept art/illustrations thus far?
Though maybe that’s just a stylistic choice by the artists?
And again, sorry for the nitpick, but plot convenience strikes again as we just so happen to walk into this very helpful group of people. lol
- Irelin and Strife!! <333 Another space to cross out on our speculation bingo card. lol And as expected, judging by their design, they are in fact the people we’ve been seeing in all the concept art/teaser trailer/etc.
- I don't know but something about the art style, the way this panel is drawn, the overall design of those guys and just the name "Veil Jumpers" is giving me huge 80s rock band vibes. 😂 Like, I was looking at this, thinking "So, when's their album coming out?" Because damn, I'll be the first to buy it! 😂
- I'll be honest, that is not at all what I imagined Strife to look like when I was reading Tevinter Nights. lol I'd say he definitely lives up to his name. 😂 He kinda reminds of Sten..? What with the hair and facial features. Also, he wasn't described to have vallaslin in TN? So did he get it after the events in the book? And speaking of similarities.. Doesn't Strife also look a lot like this one guy from the DA4 concept art?
Idk, but given the height and the skin tone, I always assumed that this has to be a hornless qunari? But upon closer inspection, the ears don't really look all that pointy, so... maybe it's just a *really* tall human? 😂 (Or sneaky BioWare once again messed with this image in editing.. I just KNOW that “Shotgun Girl” is Harding and they edited the weapon in the line up concept art to not look like Bianca and her height to resemble that of a human to fool us! I’m ONTO you, BioWare…. 👀)
- So.. the thing about Strife…
While in Tevinter Nights, he was described as a city elf from Starkhaven who eventually joined a Dalish clan, there is an interesting theory floating around that he might actually be an ancient elf. 👀 For one, he appears to be taller than the regular elf, which we know for a fact that at least some of the ancient elves were a lot taller than modern elves (Solas being a special little snowflake again lol).
His facial features are also quite similar to most of the qunari we’ve seen thus far, which could point to the theory of the Kossith being the product of some ancient elven experiments with dragon blood.
There’s also the matter of his name. “Strife” reminds me a lot of how the ancient elves like to take on a defining attribute/purpose in life as their namesake (e.g. Solas/Pride, Abelas/Sorrow, Felassan/Slow Arrow), so “Strife” might’ve literally been his name in ancient times that he now just translated into the common tongue.
- So as it turns out, the Veil Jumpers are simply an “alliance between the best Dalish mages, hunters and other non-elves willing and able to contain the threat of the chaos that reigns over the Arlathan Forest”, which has me wondering how many Dalish clans living here are currently missing a mage, what “containing the chaos” actually means and how they’re able to withstand the effects of some of the strange magic that we see throughout the volume. Also, how do non-elves even get to join them in the first place? Where do they come from?
- I gotta say, Irelin actually *does* look a lot like how I pictured her in the book. lol I like the fur she has going as a little hint at her shapeshifting abilites.
- We're also introduced to two completely new characters called Binde and Tist Tits (I SWEAR, I misspelled it the first time, but since I have the humor of a twelve year old and as a German, the pun is just too good to miss because "Binde" is also literally the German word for "menstrual pad", I'm just not gonna correct myself lmao), who don’t have much of a role or dialogue in this volume, but I still like their design a lot!
- So in conclusion, so far I’m loving the diversity of the Veil Jumpers, seeing as *cough* obviously this is one of the factions you’ll get to choose for your protagonist in DA4, so you won’t be limited to play as an elf *cough* and I’m very excited to learn and see more about them! :D
(- Btw, does anyone know what happened to Myrion? lol I would love to see him again in DA4, having joined Strife and the Veil Jumpers after the events in TN! <3)
- Varric interrupting Harding seems to be a running gag at this point. lol What also seems be a bad running gag by now is half the artists of this comic forgetting about Harding's freckles somehow. 😂 Well, at least they didn't forget about her scar this time around. lol
- Also, Varric and Harding starting off WAY too trusting again, when they don’t even know if these guys could be affiliated with Solas‘ agents or something? lol Also, they don’t even have anything to prove their claims here. Basically, there should be no reason for the Veil Jumpers to trust Varric and Harding either, especially given that they’re after some super powerful ancient artifact….. but we have to further a plot, so we’re friends now, I guess. lmao
- lmao Yeah, because apparently the Inquisition just can’t affort to send out more than these two goofballs to stop the end of the world. And I still admire your optimism here Harding, but again, given that Solas was already several months ahead of you in the last volume, how could you possibly still believe to find it before him or the Venatori at this point? 😂
- Well, I think you guys underestimate our indestructible Mr Varric “Plot Armor” Tethras. This man has survived two whole games, including several DLC, a book and like a dozen different comic series. He’ll manage, I’m sure. lmao
- I'm sorry, but how the hell does this map even WORK?? LMAO Like, how are you supposed to use this for any sense of orientation or direction?? I swear, this is what it looks like if I tell a six year old to draw a treasure map. 😂
- The weird map aside though, I think the concept of these different “trials” could make for some really fun features in DA4, gameplay wise? Like, can you imagine level design with entire upside down sections or messing with time like in the Prince of Persia games for example? I think there’s sooo much potential here for some really cool creative level design ideas!
- Now, this was super trippy! Switching places with spirits like that is definitely a first and I can’t even begin to think about what all this could indicate in terms of established lore?? Like, how does this work? What kind of spirits are those? I’ve got a lot of questions here.
„Then you’ll be trapped down here. Forever.“
- Wow, thanks Strife, would’ve been very nice to have known that *beforehand*. lmao
- I assume these are the poor people who met that very fate then, which is horrifying, to say the least. I don’t even want to guess how many ages some of them must be trapped there, seemingly unable to die? *shiver*
- I… What kind of face is THAT? lmao
- I’m impressed by Harding seeming to adapt to all of this quite well compared to Varric. Maybe she should consider becoming a Veil Jumper some day. lol
- Next up is the “upside down” trial and in relation to this, I’d like to shamelessly use this opportunity once more to refer to this little theory I posted a few weeks ago. :D
- Also, hey look, Leopards! That’s new!
- THIS whole series of events messed with my head so much on my first read.. Like, I had to re-read this part four times and I still don‘t fully understand what happened here, but we’ll get back to this moment by the end (you know what I’m talking about). lol
Though I felt SO bad for making fun of Varric rapidly aging in my last post when I saw him suddenly collapse like that. 😶 Also, was I the only one thinking about what it must’ve been like for the ancient elves to experience something similar when Solas created the Veil and time got distorted, without even knowing what physically aging even meant before that? Like, that must’ve been horrifying as well.
„I think it’s better I don’t even try to understand what just happened…“
You and me both, Varric. lol
- That’s certainly a VERY different kind of Varterral than what we’re used to. lol Though I really like this new design, gives me LOTR Ents vibes! Can’t wait to fight against one of these guys in DA4. *nervous laughter*
- I want to point out that this has to be the very first time in this entire comic so far that someone actually comes up with a plan before jumping into action. lmao Really appreciate you for that, Irelin. <3
- WOAH OK, hold on a second??? There’s so much to this panel that I don’t even know where to start. lol I literally gasped out loud.
Ok first off, the mural on the right. Obviously, this is the same mural that we saw in the 2020 teaser trailer, which indicates that this has to be the same place then, too, right? (Unless Solas is just walking around leaving his signature graffiti all over Thedas. lol Though I do wonder why this one looks way more “crumbled” than what we saw in the teaser?)
The mural on the left though is new and probably the juciest part about this whole volume for elven lore scholars. lol I’ve already seen many people speculate, so I’ll just say that my initial thought on this was also Ghilan’nain and Andruil!
So, there are two figures that appear to be female with some very familiar headpieces, who seem to embrace each other in some way. The shape of the headwear seems to also align with some of the symbols we’ve seen in the latest cinematic, which are widely assumed to represent the Evanuris.
And the upper figure looks a lot like the one seen in the teaser and the concept art, which going by the fandom’s most popular assumption, could very likely be Ghilan’nain.
As far as we know, the only females in the elven pantheon are Mythal, Sylaise, Andruil and Ghilan’nain. And out of those four, Ghilan’nain and Andruil are believed to have been lovers. So, if that’s what we’re seeing in this mural, that would actually be a huge deal, since, well, up until now, we didn’t even know what any of them looked like!!
There also seems to be an ominous third person, cramped up in the lower corner of the mural, which does kinda resemble the red lyrium idol, like the amazing @felassan has also pointed out in this post!
And while looking at this, I realized that those garments and headwear are also very reminiscent of some Tevinter designs we’ve seen, particularly the Archon’s outfit?
Which imo could hint at Tevinter once again just adopting a lot of ancient elven concepts into their own culture after they conquered them all these ages ago. Like, it’s surely no coincidence that the mage-ruler of the Imperium looks so much like the most powerful rulers of Elvhenan?
I’ve also seen people saying that the red female appears to be pregnant?? I’m not so sure though, it’s hard to tell from the angle and the way it’s draw. 🤔 But if true, it would definitely raise *a lot* of questions.
Though I can’t believe I haven’t really seen anyone actually point out the most baffling part about all of this!
Which is, why the flippin hell would Solas even choose to draw such imagery in the first place?? lmaoo (Assuming that the right mural was probably made by him, too. Which suggests that he drew this one as well.) Like, is Solas treating these ruins like his personal drafts for his secret tumblr side blog, drawing intimate GhilxAndy fanart?? Solas, you owe us ANSWERS, Sir!
And funny enough, the art style does make it kinda look like these murals are more like giant wallpapers rather than actual frescoes. lol
- ANYWAY, since there’s still a lot more to get to, let’s talk about the “Big Shocking Reveal”.
And I’m not talking about the fact that Solas has apparently taken the Crucious Stone long before they got there.. No, that wasn’t even remotely surprising to me. 😂
No, I’m of course talking about Varric thinking it was Solas who saved him from that Leopard. lmao
THIS made my head spin in so many ways, and it kinda still does lol, so I’ll make an attempt now to make sense of this the best I can.
So, let me get this straight… The way I take it, the supposed “Venatori assassin” ran up to Varric out of seemingly nowhere, shoved him aside, then Varric “aged back”, the Leopard jumped on the assassin instead, turned into a kitten and then the assassin essentially…. disintegrated? lol At least, that’s what it looks like to me...
All right. So if that’s what happened, then I feel like there are several possible scenarios here.
A) That Venatori guy was actually real, but was somehow manipulated by Solas to do this.
B) Solas made a spirit possess the guy or there was never a real person in there to begin with.
C) Solas actually pulled another “Bard” disguise and dressed up like the Venatori assassin himself (although I don’t know exactly what happened to him then when he “vanished” after that kitten attack lmao), which I guess would also retrospectively suggest that the Venatori who had been stalking Varric and Harding since volume 1 was also Solas himself all along……
*sigh*
You know, honestly I had this silly thought in the back of my mind from the very beginning, like I kept laughing to myself, what if this Venatori was actually Solas all along... but I guess I just refused to ever write it down in my previous posts because… I thought it was just.. too ridiculous? 😂
And I don’t particularly mean the disguise part, obviously ever since “the Bard”, anything is possible. lmao
No I mean.. Why.. the heck.. would Solas… stalk Varric and Harding, while setting them up on this loooong friggin goose chase through half of the country and leave all those clues for them to follow his tracks…. only for Varric.. to find this letter.. telling him NOT to interfere??? What was the purpose of all this then?? Like, how does this make sense?? 😂 Someone help me understand…
That being said, I just really hope it was either case A or B. 😂 Or Varric is just.. wrong? lol OR I should simply stop questioning the logic of this very simple comic. 😂 As long as the actual game’s writing doesn’t leave me with a headache, I’m good.
Though in hindsight, it IS pretty funny how I even kept saying how crappy the Venatori was at his job. lol Like them leaving the X pattern on that deepstalker in volume 1 was such a strange thing to do? And if it turns out to be case C, then I can already see Solas trying to pull this number on us again in DA4. lmao I guess the game’s slogan will be “Trust no one.” It could be Solas in disguise. 💀
- I love how Solas apparently made his own customized Dread Wolf signet ring for a wax seal AND proceeded to even sign the letter with his name, as if there could be ANYONE else leaving a letter like this addressed to Varric in such a place. lmao This MAN!
- Oh dear, Solas really was like „Please Varric, elven mythology already turned me into their greatest villain in history, I don’t want to be one in yet another smuddy literature popular narrative…“ lmao
- I’m a little confused by this conclusion, seeing as the previous volume mentioned that magic had already “run wild in Arlathan Forest for at least a 1000 years”. So I thought this was nothing that happened just recently because of Solas‘ actions? Though maybe Irelin is talking about something else? Or the state of Arlathan has somehow gotten even stranger since Solas started to prepare something for his big ritual he mentioned in Tevinter Nights?
- It’s also interesting to note that, out of all the factions we’ve come across so far in this comic, the Veil Jumpers are now the only ones who actually got to know Solas‘ name and identity?
- So that’s where we’re leaving off and looking at the blurb for the final volume again, I’m curious to see how all this will now tie back to Minrathous and if the Crucious Stone is even going to play any significant role at all. lol As you might've noticed there were a lot of "why" questions here, which I doubt any of them will be answered in the final volume, so... I guess we're just left to wait for what's in the actual game then. 😂
If anything, the preview of the final cover does seem to complete our speculation bingo card, with how it continues to follow the pattern of the factions in the teaser/concept art/short stories from 2020.
So I assume the final faction, which is the only one still somewhat shrouded in mystery, is going to be have something to do with “The Viper“/Tarquin? 👀 So I’m very excited to find out who it’s gonna be and most of all, to get a look at the big city, Minrathous itself (and who knows, maybe we even get to see Solas in the very last panel or something)! Let’s see how all this ties in to DA4! :D
#dragon age the missing#dragon age the missing spoilers#tevinter nights spoilers#varric tethras#solas#da4#one more to gooo! :D
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Weekly Update for 27 March, 2023
Howdy, folks! Welcome to the last update of March! Time really has flown, jesus-
Mind Games: Trepidation
Onto our favorite subject! If you guys haven't seen, there have been multiple edits pushed for mostly Chapter 1 and 2 this week! These edits have added new options to some dialogue choices, some customisation choices, and some variation to certain spots where I saw I favored sarcastic MCs over others. There have been a couple of grammar fixes pushed in Chapter 3, 4, and 5, but I have not done a more thorough editing of those chapters; after putting in some achievements, my brain kinda just. Flat-lined and needed a break, lol!
I have gotten LOADS done on Chapter 6! I am actually in Scene 3/4 for the rough draft, with about half of Scene 3's rough draft completed. Again, the rough draft is just me going through and picking one option for each branch and getting through the story so I know where it'll go when I go back to flesh it out! However, that's still a LOT of progress!!! The whole chapter is at about 5,600 words, and before doing the update I had started editing Scene 1 for a bit to start fleshing out so it's not so much work later.
A few things with MG:T:
In case you aren't aware, MG:T is only expected to be 9 Chapters, NOT including Interludes and the Epilogue. We are over 50% done with the game! VERY EXCITING!!! (Especially as I am ITCHING to get to book 2, lol!)
Chapter 6 is expected to be out in April. I will be releasing it in full as I'm expecting it to be a small to average size chapter.
I am always open to feedback and suggestions! Honestly, I would REALLY LOVE for you folks to tell me where you think improvements could be made or where you'd like to see more choices/what kind of choices you want to see more of. Be the change you want to see, lol!!
Remember: Every time an update is pushed, your saves will be corrupted! I try to push things all at once, but I never know how much I'll get done at any one time so sometimes I push smaller updates over a course of a day. If you aren't seeing anything new, it might be because your save is before the update was pushed!
I am still checking this Google Form! I am considering making one that is all about feedback and suggestions, and I DO check the one that's listed there daily! I actually have an active list of suggestions and stuff people have given me, and I do try to take the stuff you guys tell me needs fixing and put those fixes into the game!! Those of you who have answered the feedback section have been amazingly helpful and I appreciate it so much!!!
In case you missed it, I do have a page up now that has a list of all the free scenarios I've posted in the past and present, at least, the ones I could find! It also has a list of sneak peeks from Patreon I've posted! Some of them are a bit outdated as they're from, like, when I first started writing the game back in 2018-2019, but they're still enjoyable!
There is a poll up on Patreon right now that ends in 2 weeks! It's letting Patrons vote for which RO(s) will 100% be featured in April's scenarios for Patreon, and as a special treat, one of the 2 chosen ROs will be available to the lower tier as well! And, the lower tier can always vote in polls. The tier prices are $3 and $10, with $3 opening up polls, a sneak peek, discord benefits, weekly update+ content, and credits mentions (I will be putting every Patron I've had in the past in the credits of the game(s) they were supporting me during development!), with occasional monthly bonuses. The $10 tier opens up EVERYTHING I have, and everything that gets posted monthly!
I think that's all I got to tell y'all this week! See you at the next update! (Where I can hopefully confirm being done with at least one of the scenes in Chapter 6, hehe.)
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hey everyone, I'm still alive! and! I have a writing update!
I haven't done any writing.
okok that's not totally true, I've done bits and pieces since I published 'i still talk to you' (link here, I had fun with that one) but I'm nowhere close to having anything ready to publish. Still, I figured I'd give y'all a (totally sober, for once) update on where I'm at in the stories I've promised.
So, okay, the big one first: TMHYHM. I've got about 3k of chapter 9 done, so we're about halfway through it. I'm starting school again in a few days (senior year, woohoo) and I always seem to write better at school, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that it'll get done in the next few weeks. About ten days from now is the one year anniversary of me 1: starting my AO3 account and 2: publishing chapter one of TMHYHM which is.... both exciting and a little sad? Genuinely didn't expect this story to take so long, but here we are.
A lovely commenter pointed out that I must put a lot into each chapter, and I honestly hadn't really thought much about it but they're right. I'm not gonna ramble about it for much longer, but every chapter takes a lot of time and energy. There was the re-read I did to write down the main plot points I wanted to hit every chapter, and then scouring the internet for quotes to put in once I decided I wanted to go that direction, and then I re-read each individual chapter twice; the first time to get more specific with what happens each chapter, finding places to put extra scenes etc. and a second time to figure out a chapter title. Actually writing the chapters is a lot too. I put a lot of myself and my experience into my interpretation of Andrew, and I feel like it fleshes him out more, but it also makes these chapters so much more mentally draining to write. Anyway, all that to say: happy early birthday to TMHYHM and thank you all for your patience.
Okay anyway, some of you may remember that I started teasing a hospital/amnesia fic (here, here, and here) a month ago during the AO3 outage, and I've almost got three chapters finished (halfway done !) I decided a few months ago that I wasn't going to post multi-part fics until after they're finished from now on, so as soon as I finish the whole thing it'll be up. I took a break from it for a little while, but when I came back and read through it today I genuinely cried a little? I'm evil guys why do I write these things??
Third: the minyard triplets. I'm going to be so honest here, I have not made any progress since last time I updated yall. Looking back at the story, I'm honestly kinda starting to hate it? I don't know, I still like parts of it but it just doesn't feel anywhere close to being my best work. I'll keep working on it and hopefully finish it soon, but I don't know when it'll be done. I had thought about turning it into a series, but I'm just not sure how attainable that is anymore.
Also, you may or may not have read my last fic, but if you did: I'm working on an alternate ending!!! I can't say much (cause spoilers) but I'm working very hard on it so keep an eye out for that one. Not sure if it'll be a separate fic or just a second chapter, but it's coming.
ok uhhhhhh.... i think that's it? TLDR: I don't have a lot of answers for y'all, but I'm working on things.
Oh, also? I'm writing a book. So fics might go on the backburner for a little bit lol. Let me know if that's something you'd like to hear more about though, I'm super excited.
Thank you for all your love and support <3
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gacha game anon - you have my full encouragement on going back to fgo! for some of the faults with it, the writing in Camelot (chapter 6) and onwards is amazing, and from what I know it just keeps getting better from then on. im on anastasia at the moment and it hasn't dipped in quality for me so far! it's a bit of a slog until it gets good but when it gets good it gets REALLY good. and good luck on your protoarthur rolls! i don't remember when he's on gacha but if you've got $15 to spare the guaranteed SSR is going on right now and im 80% sure he's on one of the banners that's up right now.
i haven't played granblue yet but with that endorsement i want to check it out! im always on the lookout for new gacha games, I started nikke myself recently but nothing else has much caught my eye. i completely agree though localization being trash is the number one reason I usually quit on games I think I otherwise would have loved. but I've generally heard great things about granblue and would love to try it out. if you like I will keep you updated on that!
and totally take your time on mahoyaku, when you get to it I recommend watching a video of the game, or playing it alongside if you can get your hands on it as it's jp only at the moment. i went in with no visuals and it took me a lot longer to put names to faces and stop getting everyone confused with each other haha.
enstars is a very good game but the lack of access to translations and the subpar level of quality for the English version has been really hurting it. the rhythm aspect is fun, actually, but my heart will always be with enstars basic. which has no rhythm elements, but mirrors the original idea for the game, which was an idol game where people who can't play rhythm games could still participate. unfortunately they didn't even try to give that version an english release, probably because they would have to translate a good five years worth of event stories from the previous game that are hosted on that version. which is really unfortunate because id love to read the official translations for those. and thank you for that image lol im definitely going to be saving that for future use!
I didn't mind the first few arcs in FGO, but I've read a lot of manga in my time including a lot of bad shounen and romcoms so my pain tolerance is pretty high.
My brain is just like oh man time to read more fgo *burns all my AP on farming mats* . I will probably make a liveblog tag at some pt though I probably need a theme so I can just put a page up with different threads im running through since I use my pinned for my videos rn
Granblue is honestly very dear to my heart but the like "end game" cycle is very unappealing bc its super grindy - that said the story stuff [the main attraction imo] is not power-gated so you're not forced to engage with the worst aspects of the game (i.e. multiplayer/ranking called "unite and fight" or guild wars, kind of similar to how idol game card farming works). The event stories & main story are for everyone, so that's fun :' ). Also they do fun character themes, which I love - I think most people got hooked once they did What Makes The Sky Blue Parts 1-3 (it's like an epic about fighting for the fate of the world but in a more direct sense than most of the early conflicts in the story) which you can do in the event archive nowadays once you pass a certain chapter I believe. The art style might seem somewhat familiar bc the art director used to work for Square Enix
Granblue is kind of funny because just, one day they decided "yeah we will support eng" but the login stuff & lack of a localised app. It's just a web-game so they never released it in other regions, it just has full english language support - thankfully it's just like a g-mail signup process not as annoying as like doing lottery for an account like kancolle was
Mahoyaku I'll have to just login to my jp itunes acc dl it and play along or st so I know what people look like
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Chapter 6 Messages!
Sorry for being super late on this, but here’s a compilation of all the messages I’ve gotten about Chapter 6. Thank you so much for sending these in--I love you all very much! :)
Under the cut to prevent it from being a giant block of text lol
I have an online exam in an hour and playing the updated game really help me relax well sort of since that surgery scene kinda makes me nervous like holy shit Anyway the update is AHMAZING! I really love it(♡ω♡ ) ~♪
Hehe, I’m glad I managed to capture (even if just a little bit) how nerve-wracking surgery can be…especially when something goes wrong. Hope your exam went well!
Ho dear lord, the update was amazing to much adrenaline for me 😭 thank you so much bouncy for your hard work !
HAHA, what’s Citadel without your heart pounding every chapter (from drama or from the ROs)?
Hi!! I love the new update! I was wondering if it’s impossible to be on time to surgery with Dr. Grey if we eat with Jean? I tried not even asking Jean anything and I was still late lol
Unfortunately, if you decide to eat with Jean you’ll always be late to the surgery. Just wanted to capture some of the very real trade-offs in medicine hehe
me, having to reload a save every time i answer a question incorrectly or do the wrong thing during the surgery: ah shit, here we go again 🧍
Even Dr. Grey and Vic aren’t immune to time travel hehe
Hello! Chapter 6 is AMAZING we love the surprise drop and I think I"m in love with everyone in this game. Small potential error report? When talking to Eli at the vending machine, it reads "She expression is so gentle". Okay thank you
Ah, thank you for sending me the error! Will fix this in the Chapter 6 soft update.
oh my god that chapter !!! I don't remember the last time I was so immersed in a story. somehow i didn't mess up (sure twice or thrice it was pure luck with guesswork but shh) other than uhhh passing out bc who needs nutrition (the moment with Eli was worth it) ...... making mistakes on my second playthrough on purpose made me feel so bad for my poor second MC the poor guy has a pure heart but embarrassed himself so badly (at least HE didn't pass out tho....)
LOL! I love how you played your two MCs completely differently haha! At least Vic gave you orange juice if you passed out.
Really enjoyed the new chapter! Specially the Uhmm walking on pins and needles around Vic and *twirls hair* eyeing their biceps and Yk faceplanting at the end of surgery 😣 but is okay because I know big scary attending isn’t that scary. Those big strong arms *will* cradle (1) overworked intern one day. Also as someone who knows zilch of medicine, the surgery stuff was fun play through!
Yay, I’m glad you enjoyed the surgery sequence! One of my goals was to balance between keeping it medically realistic but also engaging to the reader. And, yes, Vic…as Marsha said in Chapter 6, “Big, bad chief. I see right through you.” ;)
Ok just now playing that Eli / Davy tension and it is *chefs kiss*. MC ready to board the workspouse train and Eli having their lil texting anxiety? Author you are evil 😌 also I the player haven’t chosen a first route yet so my MC is just the biggest hoe rn, anyone in scrubs will be pined and flirted with, and I kinda love it 😆
Tbh, that’s me whenever I play a choice game so you have my full support. Lol, sneaking in little jealous Eli tidbits is one of my favorite parts of writing Citadel. ;)
Where were Vic's big strong arms to catch me when I passed the fuck out? Also, damn you for making me pay attention? I'm a speed reader so I miss little details like ages and stuff.
-cackles-
Unfortunately, Vic’s big strong arms were busy sowing up Ms. Lin’s abdomen, but maybe one day, eh?
What kinda weak sauce intern are we? Huh? You skip lunch and just drink coffee for breakfast and then pass out? Punk bitch. I haven't eaten in two days and I only feel a little like I'm gonna pass out. I could beat MC in a fight confirmed. (/j)
LMAO, please nourish yourself. Bwahaha, probably my favorite option in the “try not to pass out sequence” is “summon all willpower and force yourself not to pass out.” It’s hilarious when that doesn’t work.
me eying the mental health bar like 🙃
This will become very relevant in Case 3…
does mc faint in the surgery room specifically because they didn’t eat enough or do they faint no matter what? if it’s the former, will the mc’s eating habits continue to be noted throughout the game or was it just a one time thing? i really enjoy that taking care of yourself, and consequently not doing so, has an actual impact on the character and story, if that’s the case
The MC will faint or not faint depending on how many “snack points” you rack up (hint: you have to make very specific decisions to get enough snack points, sometimes at the expense of other stats in the game). This will probably be a one time thing, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be little stat checks like this in the future that might have major consequences on your reputation. ;)
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chapter two~a mysterious night
(*i do not own this gif*)
A/N: aaaaaaa i know i know i went from a really long chapter to a filler, but at least y'all get some backstory to how Y/N feels and thinks! thank you guys so much for the love on chapter 1! it seriously means a lot :’) also, i’ve been asked about a taglist and that was the one note i completely forgot about. i’m unfamiliar with them so if someone could message me what taglists are and what its purpose is that would be amazing! don’t worry though, those who have asked about it will be put on once i get to it, just ask for your patience. ok, enjoy the next chapter :)
Category: fluff
CW: there’s a bit of smut in here and mentions of weed and hangovers, but other than that it’s just a pure fluffy filler :)
Word Count: 2065
before you read | last chapter | next chapter
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You woke up the next day feeling so/so. You didn't feel hungover because you were smart and had lots of water in between drinks, probably because your mouth would get dry whenever you got even more high. You look over to the other side of the couch and see Spencer, still asleep. He was hugging his book bag like he did on the jet when he took a nap. You quietly get out your phone and check up on anything you might've missed, which even though you had a lot of notifications from tweets and story updates, nothing was there for you to click on it quickly and check it out. You open your photos app and look at the pictures and short videos you took from last night. You always documented every party, every time you hung out with another human being, because those moments meant a lot to you. You didn't get them often in life.
You swipe along, remembering how the night ended. After Spencer got out of the bathroom, everything went back to normal, like that little thing he did never happened. You finished the game and then Garcia got up with Morgan and they started dancing to the music that was still playing. They invited everyone else to get up and dance, too and that you did. You danced with Spencer, but not in a seductive way. You were both being goofy and doing stupid moves that made everyone else in the room question you. You were even showing him ones that people do online and he wasn't getting it at all because he doesn't use social media. It was so hilarious you almost peed your pants from laughing so hard. If this was a sober event would you laugh that much? Probably not, but you couldn't help it. Jj was passed out through the whole dance party and Emily eventually did as well, snuggling with her. When you looked over to see them, they were still in the same positions they were last night.
Garcia walks in with some tea and Advil. "Oh good, I had a feeling you'd be awake!" She whispered.
She hands you a very colorful mug with pink and purple tie dye pattern and unicorns all over it. You told her thank you and took the Advil. "Oooo, pumpkin spice my favorite!" you said after taking a sip. "I had a feeling," she said, "You give me fall vibes through and through."
"Are you sure you're not a profiler as well, Penelope?"
Garcia chuckled. "I mean, when you work with them for over a decade, some it rubs right onto you."
Slowly everyone else woke up and you helped Garcia handing out the aid. Spencer woke up last and as you handed him his Advil and tea, he spoke raspy, "I haven't had a headache like this in months."
"I'm sure you'll live." you said, roughing up his hair a bit more than it already was. You check the time and your phone and stood up quickly. "Hey, I'm sorry guys I know we were planning on going to breakfast but I feel more tired than I should so I think I'm gonna go take a nap at my place."
"I can give you a ride." said Spencer.
"Yeah, that'd be great, Thanks Spence!"
You say goodbye to everyone and thanked Garcia for a wonderful night. She promised that this night can happen again with the girls on Friday night and you were all in for it. You walked out with Spencer and got in his car and drove home. It was quiet at first. You kept looking over at him, thinking about last night, wanting more of his touch, even more than his touch. You needed him, but you knew that it probably won't happen again.
"So, you remember anything about last night?" you asked him, trying to be normal about it but you could feel yourself failing.
"I do actually," he said, "I never knew this about myself, but even as messed up as I was, my eidetic memory still worked."
You began to blush as your eyes grew a bit wide. So he remembers what we did then? You thought to yourself. You were silent again the rest of the way there. You were pretty close to your apartment when all of a sudden you felt a hand rest on your thigh. You look up to see it was Spencers, but you didn't flinch. You didn't want to be obvious and ruin everything. You stayed quiet until he spoke, "I also remember the fun we had in Garcia's room."
To your surprise, you were already back at your place. You went to the back to grab your bags and went to the passenger window. "Thank you again, Spence!"
"Anytime you did a ride, I'll be your chauffeur!"
You both smiled and you waved goodbye. You started walking to the front door when Spencer called out for you again. "Y/N wait!"
You turn around, confused as to what he was gonna say. You didn't think it would be...
"Call me when you wake up, I have something planned for us tonight if you're down."
A Couple Hours Later
"Spence, don't stop!"
He kept going, not going off beat as he made you scream for him. You could feel your stomach in knots. You were ready for him. You needed him inside you. He was making you scream, begging him for it. He gave you a dark smile. He was really enjoying the sight of you so helpless and being a little brat.
You could tell he was close by his cock twitching.
"Spencer I'm close pleeeasseee!" you beg.
"Cum for me. Be a good girl and cum for daddy." he growled.
It was building up and building up. You were ready....
*Ding Ding*
You wake up to your phone going off. How long had you been asleep. You slowly grab your phone and see that it was 3pm. Not too bad you guessed. You saw you had a couple of text messages from the BAU group chat, sharing the pictures from last night. You remembered what happened on the way home, yet you couldn't remember the dream you just had. Shit, you said you'd call him.
You go to the group chat and click on his name to call. As it rings, you get nervous as to what he had in mind of doing.
"Hello?" (A/N: Think of that one audio on tik tok where he starts of with saying hello and then it goes to 'baby hotline' lol)
"Spence, hey! It's Y/N."
"Oh hey Y/N! I have something fun planned if you want to hang out tonight."
"What's that?"
He was quiet for a moment, then spoke again but sounded unsure of himself. "Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure if you'd find it fun. It might be boring but um...would you want to get high and walk around DC?"
You thought for a moment. This wasn't a bad idea, but part of you was kind of surprised that he asked you. He could've asked Jj or Emily or Garcia since she was the one who gave you the pens. Why would he ask the newbie? Then you remembered that he said he remembered everything from last night...
"Sure," you said, "sounds fun! What time were you thinking?"
"Let's say 10pm? You know that park that's on Jefferson?"
"Yeah, I remember seeing it when I gave myself a little tour of the city."
"What?!" He sounded shocked, but he could've just been playful. Why would anyone be shocked at you? "You did a tour by yourself?"
"Well yeah silly, I gave myself a tour the day before my first!"
"Ok, that's it. Our walk around the city will now be an official tour and I'll be your official tour guide!"
You let out a little laugh. "Ok, "pretty boy", I'll take you up on that."
"Great! I'll see you there at 10!"
You said your goodbyes and hung up. Spencer sounded more confident than when you first met him. You thought that he would be the shy and awkward type that would take days, even weeks, to ask someone to even hang out with him, let alone go on a date. Wait, was this a date? No. A date would be like fancy dinner with expensive wine and then either going somewhere after that or back to either place and have sex. This was just two friends getting high and hanging out, you finally convinced yourself, Like anyone, even Spencer for that matter, would like you enough to take out on a date.
So now, you had 7 hours to not overthink and play in your head how you think this would go. This was the time to pretend like it was just something in your planner that you wrote down to do for the day. You wondered why you were so flustered and nervous to hang out with someone, acting like it was a date. Did that little scandalous event you had last night really affect you that much? You told yourself to snap out of it a few times before going into the kitchen to make yourself something to eat.
Once you had your food, you grabbed a beer and headed to the couch to continue rewatching Murder, She Wrote on Netflix. You didn't watch much tv, but when you do it's mostly crime shows, Rupaul's Drag Race, or old sitcoms like Golden Girls. Murder, She Wrote had always been your comfort show. It something you went to when having a bad day or you were nervous about something. Anything negative you felt, you turned on the show and think about living like Jessica when you retired. Moving to a small town on the east coast, writing stories and making friends with everyone. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that you wanted to be like Rossi, too.
And there you were, for 3 hours hours before you took the remaining four you had left to get ready.
10pm-Jefferson Park
You make your way into the park. It was chilly, dark, and peaceful, something you admired about the night. You had gotten ready before, but didn't do anything special. You wore your grandpa sweater with black mom jeans and your vans. Your makeup was your everyday, wings with a nude pink lip. You didn't dress so exciting because you were just hanging out with someone, so you didn't worry about it much. Sitting on a bench waiting, you start to play a game on your phone to take your mind off from running in circles. After ten minutes, you heard your name being called out. "Y/N?"
You look over to see Spencer, long hair and all. He wore a brown sweater with jeans and black converse. He almost looked like he was ready to head into the BAU at anytime, which you thought cute of his aesthetic. He came over by you, hands gripped to his book bag strap, smiling awkwardly but with a bit of excitement.
"Hey, Spence!" you said, waving at him. He just stood in front of you as you talked for a minute.
"Did you walk here?" He asked.
"Yeah," you said, "I live pretty close to here actually. Didn't realize that until tonight."
"Oh really? Me too! I just live half a block away."
You both awkwardly laughed and then went awkwardly silent until he said, "Um, I know a spot we could sit at before we start walking."
"Lead the way, Doctor!" you say as you get up.
He takes your hand in his and runs for a bit. You didn't know he was gonna drag you along, but you could tell that from that moment on, this was going to be a ride; A fun ride full of adventures.
#spencer reid smut#spencer reid#spencer reid fan fiction#dr spencer reid#mgg#matthew gray gubler#criminal minds#criminal minds smut#criminal minds fan fiction
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Over Your Shoulder
Pairing: Paz Viszla x f!Reader
You're used to working for others. As a freelance armstech, you flit from contract to contract, never staying too long in one place. Although the freelancer life is fun, you kind of wish you could trade it all for a little bit of stability. As the maker would have it, that stability shows up in the form of one (1) Paz Viszla.
Tags/Warnings: nothing right now, but future loving degradation, Good Communication Is My Kink, daddy kink, and other sexy consensual shenangians. Reader has slight self esteem issues.
Notes: I haven’t written for fun in forever, but new year new me! If you know me in real life never bring this up because I will combust lol. I was going to fire off a brief smutty one-shot pwp thing but of course I couldn’t resist adding ~ b a c k s t o r y ~ so here you go. Subsequent updates will probably just be pwp.
Chapter 1: All The Grass is Greener Everywhere You Look
Nervousness, you assumed, was a regular feeling for anyone who was newly married. Doubly so for the new spouse of a Mandalorian. Unlike the rest of the galaxy where marriage vows were somewhat loose, Mandalorians took their vows very seriously. Forever, generally meant, forever.
Your relationship with Paz Viszla was strange in and of itself. As a freelance armstech, you hopped from planet to planet offering your repair services, never staying in any one place for too long. While on Bothawui, you had let slip to a client that you were headed to Nevarro next. Greef Karga, the head of the Guild, had put you on a retainer for services to guild members for a few cycles. The pay was good, and he had promised you a steady supply of commissions from the local bounty hunters who frequented Nevarro in need of new weapons and repairs on top of the already nice stipend.
The Bothan, a short humanoid by the name of Eesk, perked up when you mentioned Nevarro, and the next day he came over as you were on your way to the spaceport.
“Can I ask a favor? Do you mind making a delivery for me while on Nevarro?” he asked, pulling a datapad out from his robes.
You looked up, eyes narrowing. Bothans were famous for their information network, and were instrumental to the destruction of the first Death Star, but still, you were understandably nervous. “ Eesk, I’m not interested in looking for trouble. I don’t need the New Republic or any Imp remnant breathing down my neck for delivering that for you,” you said.
Eesk laughed, “Relax, I promise you this isn’t serious. Just deliver this to a Mandalorian on Nevarro. It’s nothing classified, I’m just returning a favor for a friend,”. He slid over a stack of credits. “I’d take it to him myself, but unfortunately I’m held up on New Republic business”.
You reached over and tucked the datapad into your bag along with the credits, “Fine, but you owe me”.
“Next time you’re here, drinks on me.” he said as he walked away.
It was only until you had boarded the transport ship that you realized Eesk had never actually told you were to meet this Mandalorian. ‘Oh well,’ you thought, ‘he’s not getting these credits back’. You leaned your head against the wall of the ship, tired from hauling all of your luggage to the spaceport, and fell asleep.
You were three standard weeks into your contract with Greef Karga and the Guild, and still no Mandalorian had shown up to collect the datapad. It was nice to be somewhat settled in one place for longer than a week, and you had enjoyed the steady stream of work. You had also learned from Karga that the Mandalorian covert scattered from Nevarro, and he hadn’t seen one in a while. For all of their information trafficking and spy network, perhaps Eesk had gotten it wrong for once, and you didn’t really care to ask. After all, it would be nigh impossible to miss a person wearing head to toe armor, especially on Nevarro.
One morning, as you had returned from your walk to the lava plains, you discovered the door to your apartment was unlocked. Strange. Not a good sign. None of your alarms were triggered either. Carefully, you pulled your blaster out its holster before quietly pushing the door open.
“There you are. Been looking all over for you.”
A large man, clad in blue armor and covered in more weapons per square inch that any other being you had ever seen, sat next to your workstation. Despite the blaster pointed at him, he seemed unperturbed, posture open and relaxed.
“What do you want?” you asked, blaster raised, "You picked the wrong house to rob,". You had fended off your fair share of robberies, the expensive equipment you lugged around as an armstech was attractive to petty thieves, and not cheap.
“The datapad.” he said.
“I take it you’re the Mandalorian that Eesk spoke about.”
“Correct,”.
You rummage through your toolkit and dust off the datapad. “Here you go Mr. Mandalorian, although I suggest next time you knock during business hours. Breaking and entering is reserved for long term partners, and you haven’t even bought me a drink yet”. You wince a little inwardly, maybe this dry spell was affecting you more than you thought.
You tap the edge of the datapad on the Mandalorian’s chest plate. “Oh and you might want to get the blaster strapped to your thigh checked, those scorch marks are usually a bad sign,”.
The blue hunk of armor stood up and took the datapad from you. “Thank you for this,” he rumbled before heading out the door.
“Ah, so you do have manners,” you teased before moving to shut the door.
You can’t see the expression on his face, but you hear the huff of a laugh through his modulator accompanied with a shake of his shoulders.
You were pretty sure you’d never see him again.
Wrong.
The next day right as you returned from dropping off a box of repaired pistols, there he was again, blue armor and blank expressionless helmet, sitting in the same spot next to your workstation.
“Can you fix it?” he asked.
You gaped at him for a second, before remembering the comment you made yesterday. “I can take a look,”. You cross over to your workstation, turning on the light and the magnifying glass and grabbing your toolkit. It was an easy but time-consuming fix, and you quickly busied yourself with disassembling the rifle.
“You’re not from Nevarro,”. A question, posed as a statement.
You didn’t look up, “Nope, I’m just passing through.” Hmm, that power cell did not look too good.
“Where is home for you?”
“Nowhere,” you said matter-of-factly as you tinkered away, “Like most people, the Clone Wars and the Empire destroyed what little of a childhood I had. Got taken in by a kind armstech who taught me the trade, and now I hop from planet to planet making a living. What about you? I heard about what happened to the Mandalorians on this planet,”.
“Also nowhere,” the man grunted, and he remained quiet. You finished your work, and handed him the blaster, butt end first.
“You owe me two drinks now, breaking into my place like that.”
He took the blaster from you, two gloved finger tips drawing a line from the middle of your forearm down your wrist. An unnecessary movement, he could’ve just taken the blaster. You gulped. He put the gun back in its holster and leaned forward.
“I might, if you ask nicely. I saw the way you sized me up the first time,”.
You swallowed, mouth going dry. “It’s uh, part of my line of work. Gotta make sure everyone’s packing-- I mean, everyone’s weapons are in tip top shape.” Your stupid lizard brain, at it again.
He cocked his head to the side, “I’m sure it is,” the mirth evident in his tone.
Every evening thereafter, the blue Mandalorian showed up at your doorstep, a new weapon in hand for you to look at. It was nice, you had to admit to yourself. A consistency in your otherwise inconsistent life, and you grew to enjoy his company. What you couldn’t handle however, was the escalating tension between the two of you. He would occasionally stand behind you, his big, all-encompassing frame brushing up against your back, and lean over you to ask about this or that. The first time you thought it was an accident, but then he followed up with an oh-so-casual touch of your wrist, and you were pretty sure it was on purpose, but you also couldn’t tell if that was wishful thinking on your part. Occasionally the two of you would strike up a conversation, but for the most part he sat in a comfortable silence while you worked. When he came over the fourth night, large gattling gun in tow, you decided it was high time to try to get to know him better.
“Uh...would you like to stay for dinner?”, eyes looking down on the (ancient) gattling gun, trying to keep your voice light.
He paused and shook his head “I can’t,”.
Oh, an immediate shut down. Great. Well it was worth a shot.
“Not for the reason you think. I can’t remove my helmet in the presence of others, that’s part of the creed,”.
That made a lot of sense. You hadn’t come across many Mandalorians in your travels, but all of them were rather cagey about their armor and helmet. You had assumed it was due to the value of beskar, but this was the first time you had heard about this creed.
You looked up at him. “Don’t you ever get lonely?” you blurted out, the words forming on your tongue before your brain could shut you down. “Nevermind-- I’m sorry I-”
He interjected, “Sometimes. There are some exceptions though,”.
You leaned forward. “Such as?”.
A pause. He stepped forward, tipping your chin up with a finger.
“ Would you care to find out?”
Ch 2 here
#paz viszla#paz vizla x reader#paz viszla x reader#2021 new year new me#and by new year new me i mean i will write the kinky caretaking fic i want#the mandalorian#mono writes#THE LAST TIME I WROTE IT WAS FOR MASS EFFECT LMAO#this is way too much buildup#but whatever!!!!!#over your shoulder fic
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A Relentless Past - Chapter 1
Author: Quepasta | AO3 | Twitter
Summary: Link wakes up with no memory but discovers he has been asleep for 100 years. Now he must struggle with remembering his past, a painful past he has no memory of, and confronting his destiny in the present. Not to mention dealing with the crazy characters he meets while exploring the new world he has woken up in and the foes he runs into.
Takes place during Breath of the Wild and expands on the story we know from the video game. (Part 1 of this trilogy. Also, you know I ship Zelink but this is the slowest slow burn I have ever written)
Author’s Notes: Just a quick explanation of this story. This fic started out as a writing exercise and then it got out of control, as they usually do. This will be a trilogy, the first one (this one) being Link’s story during the game. Staying somewhat canon, but adding things that will round out the story and lead to non-canon things.
I will say that the story might be slow at first, but I promise I am building up to something. The first two chapters are setting up the scene and building Link’s character. My focus is on exploring his emotions during the game and how much he actually remembers, since we don’t get to see a whole lot of that.
The next story will be Zelda’s story before the calamity (not following Age of Calamity’s story, for obvious reasons). Mostly because I wanted to know more about her story and so I decided to write it. I actually wrote that story first, but I wanted to experiment with story telling by starting the trilogy in the present and then going back to the past. Also, the second story will answer questions that the first story will create.
The last installment will be after the game, following both Link and Zelda. The aftermath of the calamity and both of them rejoining the world after 100 years is very intriguing to me, so that is where my focus is. Also exploring some of the lore of the series. (We will see who puts their story out first, me or Nintendo lol. Please let us have an update on BOTW 2 soon)
The series will be an expansion of the canon story but also adding things that I would like to explore. Each installment will have many, many chapters. This has been the biggest project I have worked on so far. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to leave any polite feedback or questions. Thank you - Quepasta
The fire crackling was the only noise that was made as the two strangers sat across from each other. One of them, a young man, tentatively ate the baked apple that the other stranger, an older gentleman, had given him. The young lad was starving but also felt sick to his stomach, but an apple had seemed like a good thing to try to settle himself.
The young man squinted at the sunlight poking through the clouds, his eyes still adjusting. The sun shined brightly, searing its light into his retinas. His head hurt and he was insanely thirsty, but more than anything he was confused.
He played the events that had just happened back in his head. He had seen the golden bright light and heard the voice, telling him to wake up. What had the voice called him? Link?
He had woken up alone, no one else being in...well wherever he had been. But he was sure that not only had he heard someone, but had also felt someone’s presence there with him.
Rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand, he continued working through the rest of the events that had happened since waking up. The voice had told him to pick up the sheikah slate, some sort of technology that was now hanging off the belt at his hip. The voice said the slate would guide him after his...long slumber. That’s what it had said. Whatever that meant.
The slate had opened the door to the...chamber? That word came to his mind. He found clothes to change into inside some old chests after leaving the chamber, a pair of pants and a shirt that were both a size too small. But it was better than nothing.
After going through another room and pressing the slate against another pedestal, Link found the way out. Finally he had been able to see outside, the door opening up to a tunnel that led outdoors. When the door opened, he had seen the bright light once more. And the voice spoke to him. It had called him Link again. What had it said?
He racked his brain trying to remember, but it was as if his brain protesting back. An intense amount of pressure found itself at his forehead, and the young man closed his eyes until it went away.
Then he finally remembered. The voice had said that he was the light that must shine upon Hyrule once again. The meaning behind that meant nothing to Link, finding himself lost at what the voice was trying to tell him.
Climbing out of the tunnel, Link had felt the urge to run. The air up here was much fresher than the thick air back in the chamber. He let the urge take him to the edge of a cliff, and he stared out at the land below him. He gasped at how large everything was, he suddenly felt dwarfed by the world. Huge mountains, hills, valleys, forests, and rivers took up the landscape. A large mountain stood out to him, but it didn’t look like the rest of the mountains. Volcano, the word popped in his mind. It was a volcano.
Link looked to his right, and that is when he first noticed the old man. It seemed like the old man had been watching him and when Link noticed him, he had turned around to walk away. Curiosity taking over, he walked down the slope to where he had seen the man sit down.
As he approached the stranger, the smell of food overwhelmed him and he spotted the baked apple laying on the ground by the fire. Link had grabbed it without thinking, which caused the old man to finally speak.
“I beg your pardon! I do believe that is my baked apple. You can’t just go about taking whatever you please!” The old man exclaimed.
Instantly Link felt bad, of course he knew that. Why had he done it?
Seeing Link’s expression, the old man laughed. “Oh ho! Forgive me, I could not resist pulling your leg. Please, help yourself.”
Link watched the old man, checking to see if he was serious. The old man had nodded, and that’s when Link had sat down to eat the apple.
“You know, it is a bit strange to see another soul in these parts.” The old man said, breaking the silence.
Link looked up from the almost finished apple, raising his eyebrow in a question. “Who are you?” Link asked, the words feeling unnatural to him.
“Me? I’ll spare you my life story. Ha! I’m just an old fool who has lived here, alone, for quite some time now. What brings a bright-eyed young man like yourself to a place like this?” The old man asked, leaning forward with his head slightly tilted.
The fire in front of them turned his long white beard to a shade of amber, but somehow deepened the shadows the hood around his head created on his face.
Link thought about the question for a second while chewing on the apple. He didn’t know the answer to that, which he figured he should know. It occurred to him he had no idea what this place was.
“Where are we?” Link decided to ask, finishing the apple and flinging the core behind him.
The old man laughed again. “Answering a question with a question. That is fair enough. This is the Great Plateau. According to legend, this is the birthplace of the entire kingdom of Hyrule.”
There was that word again. Hyrule . It was a familiar word to Link, though he couldn’t pin down why.
The old man got up and pointed to a building in the distance. “That temple there...long ago, it was the site of many sacred ceremonies. Though ever since the decline of the kingdom 100 years ago, it has sat abandoned, in a state of decay. Yet another forgotten entity. A mere ghost of its former self…” The old man trailed off and sat back down.
Link watched him as he did so, he could see a different emotion pass over the old man’s face that had not been there earlier. Link racked his brain for a word to describe it. Sorrow. Pain. Sadness, were the words his mind provided back. Link stared at the old man. He had said he had lived in this area for awhile. Had he witnessed the decline he talked about?
The old man looked at him, and nodded his head toward the path behind him. Link got the message, move along now.
“Wait. Do you have a name?” Link asked.
“Whatever you want to call me is fine. Do you have a name?” The old man asked in return.
He thought about it for a second. “Link.” He replied quietly.
The old man nodded, as if agreeing with him that was his name. But he said nothing more. Link gave him a nod in thanks, and walked on.
#A Relentless Past#arp fic#quepasta#mine#writing#zelink#zelink fic#zelink fanfic#zelink fanfiction#zelda and link#breath of the wild#botw#legend of zelda#loz#breath of the wild: during the game#a slow burn to end all slow burns#slow burn#angst#fluff#revali#mipha#urbosa#daruk#impa#yunobo#teba#riju#prince sidon#loz fanfic#canon but also not
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multiples of 3 ✌🏼-sgmdrcklee
@sagemoderocklee you’re really trying to kill me lol
This got long as heck so I’m throwing it behind a cut. Read on for answers and fic recs! (Mostly the fic recs)
3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year
This is a tough one to answer for me generally because I tend to spit words onto the page and once I have written them I no longer remember writing them. And 2020 has stretched on so long that as I’m looking at some of the stuff I wrote in the beginning of this year, I hardly remember what’s even in it. I think at one point someone (@goblin-draws maybe?) mentioned a line in Sleeptalk with Me where the innkeeper calls Kankuro “chubby boy”, and I was like “Oh ... did I write that? Yeah, sounds like something I’d have someone say to Kankuro ...”
It might be easier to talk about this in other terms. One of the scenes I worked the hardest on this year was the fight scene in Chapter 3 of Skeleton Key. The original draft of the scene was a lot shorter, and a lot of the backstory for Misaki’s revenge quest was elided. The scene as originally written was clunky, confusing, and as my lovely wife/beta put it sounded “like a Naruto villain” was doing the dialogue, when previously she’d found Misaki sinister and intriguing. Which wasn’t what I wanted. I basically entirely overhauled the scene and re-wrote it several times. I wouldn’t call it a ‘favorite’ scene (I hate writing fight scenes generally; having chosen to immerse myself in a fandom about ninja where much of the drama comes from battle is my eternal regret), but it is a scene that I put a lot of effort into, and I’m moderately satisfied with the improved product that resulted.
6. least popular fic this year
By far my least popular fic by kudos ever is Pitch Perfect. Which makes complete sense to me. It’s a fic where I’ve written 2 characters who are men in canon as cis women, which pushes a lot of uncomfortable buttons for a lot of people. It contains F/F smut, which is something that a lot of people who choose to read GaaLee probably aren’t out there looking for. And people comment and kudos less on smutfics, I assume because they don’t want their username attached to porn or because they’re embarrassed (which I totally get, no shame there). It’s a modern AU with a sports twist, and AUs are often less popular than canonverse in my experience. I will say though that it has a surprisingly high number of private bookmarks compared to other fics with comparable hit and kudos counts. So I assume people are just a bit more shy because the premise is so ‘out there’. I will say as far as my fics go, it’s one of my personal favorites and probably one of the most intimate and true-to-life things I’ve written? So it actually is a little comforting to know that something so vulnerable has relatively little attention.
9. longest wip of the year
If we’re going based on stuff that’s partially published but not complete, my Gaara-adopts-Shinki fic On My Way Home is my longest in-progress fic at just over 20k words, although technically I started it in 2019. It will probably end up being right around 40-50k when it’s complete, which might end up situating it as my longest fic ever?
12. favorite character to write about this year
Okay, this is an easy one. I love writing Kankuro. I think he is hilarious. He is the devil on my shoulder and a creature of pure id, and every time I write a line of dialogue for him it’s the summation of my rudest thoughts about a situation put in the crudest possible terms. If there were a megaphone directly from my unfiltered brain giving running commentary, that would be Kankuro.
15. something you learned this year
I have learned SO much this year! This is only my 2nd year properly ‘focusing’ on writing fic and investing any substantial time into it. I think the biggest thing I have learned, though, is how to overcome a lot of my self-consciousness about writing stories with NSFW elements in them. Starting out, I was so extremely shy and mortified about writing fic at all, much less things like hugging or (god forbid!) kissing. So taking on the smut prompts I took this year and really buckling down on learning to write the mechanics and emotions of sex has been a massive learning experience. (And sorry, by the way, if I haven’t gotten to a prompt you sent me in January yet. I do intend to write all of them eventually!)
18. current number of WIPs
Ah. The call-out question. My general fic process is idea -> outline -> wip -> edit -> ready to post (where the final draft sits in my docs until I gin up the courage to actually post it). So skipping fics that are just “ideas” on the big mega-list, I have 3 fics in the “outline” stage, 13 fics in the partially written “wip” stage, 1 fic in the “editing” stage, and 2 that are complete but yet-to-be-posted. So, like, 19 total in the offing. (The “ideas” list is even worse lol.)
21. most memorable comment/review
This is such a difficult question because every single comment I get makes me do a little dance for joy. That’s not an exaggeration btw I really sit there and like bounce around in my seat for a moment before I open the Ao3 email. I am not an especially emotive person irl, but there have been times I’ve been brought near tears by comments. I’ll also occasionally show them to my wife like !! look at this nice thing this person said !! and she’s indulgent enough to actually read them. There have been a couple comments that have really stuck with me, that I starred in my inbox and return to frequently, but I don’t want to bring attention to someone else without their permission. I will say there was one person recently who mentioned (not in the comments on one of my fics) that they had found someone who does physical binding of fanfiction and they were about to ask my permission to do that, but then the person who does the binding only does certain ships that she likes ... so that, just, absolutely floored me. The idea that someone might actual want a physical copy of my stupid little ninja fanfictions is, like, so truly immense and completely overwhelming?
24. favorite fic you read this year
You can’t make me pick just one!! (For reference, I have bookmarked right around 180 fics in the past year, and that’s not including fics that I just read, really enjoyed, but didn’t think I could ‘handle’ a second time around.) So, skipping over the ones that AREN’T Naruto ... here is a brief sampling of some faves:
Silica by deepestbluest (rated E, GaaLee, ShikaTema, and Kankiba) - An absolute emotional powerhouse of a fic that manages to skillfully interweave three complex relationship dynamics, satisfactorily resolve them, and give you ALL the sandsibs feels in just over 10k words.
Childhood Not-Friends (series) by MegaWallflower (rated G, KakaGai) - @megawallflower is a KakaGai god for good reason. Absolutely adorable relationship development fics (five of them!) with the premise that Kakashi thinks he and Gai have been dating since they were kids ... Gai just hasn’t been clued into it yet. These stories will give you heart-eyes.
The Bright Side by gidget_goes (rated T, GaaLee) - This is the Buffy AU I never knew I needed, because I’ve never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer. But truly you don’t need any Buffy knowledge to enjoy this fic. @gidget-goes command of imagery is masterful, and the way they manage to snap from snark to tugging at your heartstrings is awe-inspiring. Gaara breaks my heart in this. And did I mention Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat? Because Kankuro wears a 10-gallon hat.
Nature vs. Nurture by Bidiza (rated T, GaaLee) - So introspective and so poetic. This looks like a WIP but it’s actually multiple oneshots, although by the end of the second one you’ll be dying for the rest of the promised series.
I’m a Fool to Want You by BeelieveRosemarie (rated M, GaaLee) - Turns out @tuttiefruttiegaalee isn’t just an amazing artist, they’re a writer, too! Slow-dancing that will break your heart. Listen to the Frank Sinatra song while you read this for extra tear-jerking effect.
Let Love be Known (series) by TenTomatoes (rated G, GaaLee) - This is the twist on the arranged marriage trope and Beauty and the Beast that I didn’t realize this fandom was missing. I’m absolutely obsessed with their concept of Gaara as the Beast
I Could Be by LilacNoctua (rated T, GaaLee) - I know I big up @lilac-writes Worthwhile series a lot (deservedly so, because it’s so good it makes you look at the series and go “Why the fuck didn’t Kishimoto make this canon exactly like this?”), but this story made me absolutely die between the butterflies in my stomach and how hard I was laughing. There’s one line--you’ll know it when you read it--that absolutely bowls me over every time I re-read this.
And Then Continue by EgregiousDerp (rated E, GaaLee) - Obviously I’m biased because this was a gift, but @egregiousderp writes some of the the best characterized porn I’ve ever read. You will read this and go “Wow! This is exactly how it would happen!” It’s such a tender, beautiful exploration of Gaara’s insecurities and a very real feeling first time, for all its soft edges.
Cake by citronelle (rated E, KanKiba) - I don’t even know what to say about this one other than ... phew, this is extremely well written, extremely hot, and extremely in character. Just read it. I promise it’s worth it.
Saudade by YumKiwiDelicious (rated M, GaaLee) - I’ve run around reccing this to just about every person on the face of the earth at this point. If you’re in the GaaLee Discord you probably saw everyone salivating over every new update of this fic and with good reason. The twists and turns of this fic will have you on the edge of your seat, second guessing every single moment. And it will break your heart in the meantime. What more could you want?
the love potion commotion by floating_cats (rated T, NejiSasu with background GaaLee) - One of those fics where you wish the author’s sense of humor was your own. So many hilarious moments in this story, and it brought me a new appreciation for a ship I never would have even considered.
Finger Lickin’ Good by whazzername (rated E, GaaLee) - Whazz is another one of those authors where I literally want to rec every single thing she’s ever written, she’s just that good. (Speaking of which, if you haven’t read Fools Rush In and its sequel Degrees of Separation, you’re missing out on the best possible Metal origin story of all time. Don’t deprive yourself of this.) But this story is just ... so incredibly in character for a situation that reads like crack. It’s handled with the utmost straight-facedness and it’s so. freakin’. good.
heart lines by winterberry_holly (rated M, NejiTen and GaaLee) - I don’t even have the words to describe how perfect this fic is. It’s a truly beautiful exploration of Tenten’s relationship with her palmistry hobby and with the people in her life. My heart ached with every single line.
Standing on Ceremony by kuroashi (rated E, GaaLee) - This is just ... such a beautiful wedding story. So lovely, like getting the best possible warm hug from someone you love. If that love one was slightly strange and socially inept, because, well. It’s still Gaara doing Gaara-things. @baphometsss is another one of those authors whose handling of smut scenes is so stupendous it makes me wildly jealous.
Thrall by RokiRiot (rated T, GaaLee) - Idiots-to-lovers with a magic AU twist! This is such a wonderful story, and Gaara’s internal monologue is absolutely amazing. And Lee is Deaf in this fic, which I never ever get to see and which absolutely made my entire day/week/month/life.
Make-Out Consequences by LuxaLucifer (rated M, KakaGai with background canon Boruto ships) - I laughed so hard reading this that I had to take a breather to stop crying. That’s not an exaggeration. The characterization in this fic is impeccable and the humor is to die for. Naruto’s buffoonery truly shines here, and the author’s wit is just beyond anything I could even properly summarize. Hysterical. A++.
Thirteen Strokes by Luna_Lee (rated T, GaaLee) - Again, like, if you aren’t reading literally everything @sagemoderocklee writes, are you even really a GaaLee fan? But this fic is beyond even for one of Eeri’s incredibly excellent writings. The worldbuilding in this, the cultural notes, the imagery ... it’s all so lush and so fulfilling and so beautiful. It’s a story about love and it’s a story that you can tell has love poured into every single line. I can’t recommend it enough.
Checkmate by shadowstrangle (rated G, GaaLee) - The pettiness vibes ... this is so funny. Such a cute story and I love Gaara’s sense of humor here. Not a lot of writers give him a sense of humor, but I love how @shadowstrangle gives him a slightly odd, slightly left-of-center take on humor that still manages to be so funny.
To Court a Village by FanFictionEngineer (rated G, GaaLee) - Another one where my bias is perhaps slightly obvious, but the premise of this fic is amazing. I love cultural misunderstandings, and the idea of Lee trying his hardest to court Gaara ineptly is just so perfect.
affliction of feeling by theformerone (rated E, SakuHina) - One of those ships that it would never have occurred to me to seek out but that absolutely works with how the author’s set it up. The dynamics here are delicious. It’s so rare to find good F/F porn but this is one of them for sure.
Tried and Tested by twentysomething (Rated M, KakaIru with background canon Boruto ships and GaaLee) - Iruka’s narration in this story is just incredible. I haven’t laughed this hard reading a fic in ages. And the concept alone (that Naruto can’t be promoted to Hokage until he passes his chuunin exams ... as an adult ... and Sasuke gets dragged along for the ride) is just brilliant. Amazing concept, amazingly executed.
a fireside waltz by winterberry_holly (rated M, GaaLee) - I really tried not to rec a single author more than once here but for this one I had to. I got about halfway through this fic and immediately started running around ringing the town crier bell like READ THIS FIC! READ THIS FIC! An absolutely smoldering Regency AU with such beautiful, intimate dance scenes. My heart was racing every single time their fingers brushed. If you don’t read anything else on this list, at the very least read this.
27. favorite fanfic author of the year
I really can’t pick just one. I am lucky enough that @egregiousderp passes me her drafts under the table before (or without) publishing, and getting to read those is a private treat of unparalleled proportions. Some of my favorite things I’ve read this year I can’t even rec because they’re her unpublished stuff.
30. favorite fandom to read fic from this year
This is gonna come off strange because I just wrote such a long Naruto reclist, but I recently watched What We Do in the Shadows, and found an incredibly talented group of authors in that fandom with really amazingly good dialogue and narrative voice. I also read a lot of fic for the new It movies (even though I couldn’t watch the 2nd one for ~reasons~), and damn if there isn’t a talented crop of authors in that fandom, too. And finally with ATLA making its way onto Netflix, I had the chance to start watching that for the first time and found a ton of really good fic there as well!
fanfic end of the year asks!
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Extensive Reading Updates - Zhenhun
I have been extensively reading zhenhun, my print novel version so I am not looking up any words. (Whereas with the hanshe pingxie fanfiction I am still occasionally clicking a word). I have read the first 20 chapters of the webnovel version of zhenhun in Pleco in the past few months, so most unknown words I have looked up before at some point. So right now I'm re-reading a lot of the same content and will be until I get past chapter 20.
I can tell that my comprehension of zhenhun probably is at about 95%. As in, its enough that I can follow the main plot and most key info details, but there's enough unknown words that I cannot guess some of them from context if its a totally new part of the novel I'm reading. And I run into a number of words in the in-depth scenery and character backstory descriptions that I just do not know and there's enough I don't always have enough context to guess relatively closely to their meaning.
Since these first 20 chapters are a re-read more or less, I have the extra context of 'knowing the overall plot that happens here' already. So I'm reading slower than I probably could, trying to figure out any unknown words from all the surrounding word context and the prior-plot-knowledge I have. For these re-reading sections this is working well, a majority of the words I can re-remember or figure out. I am hoping I will pick up enough of THESE kinds of unknown-words during this re-reading portion, so that hopefully my comprehension when I get to the new parts of the book will be a bit higher than 95%. Then hopefully once I get into totally new parts of the book: my reading speed will be a bit better (less unknown words I hope lol), and I will know a bit more words to guess more totally-new unknown words (that I've never looked up before) vague overall meanings.
Examples of what things I can read clearly versus parts I can't figure out all of the words enough to be relatively sure of the details. In chapter 1, I can read the parts about "Guo Changcheng having a phobia of phone calls" clearly, but then the details about him being afraid of people and having social anxiety I can follow certain parts, but other parts of the descriptions (like him when he sees a teacher or principal) I just sort of vaguely guessed meant he was terrified of them. When chapter 1 described Zhao Yunlan's entrance, I could clearly follow the parts about him looking serious/having a bad attitude and walking fast with the attitude of "if you're in my way roll the fuck away" and then the part about how instantly his mood changed to warm, he smiled friendly, he talked kindly and helped Guo Changcheng out by patting at his shoulder when Guo Changcheng got all sweaty trying to shake hands. But then the part about how Guo Changcheng sensed a seriousness/almost-scariness about Zhao Yunlan? All those details read vague to me and I am just summarizing that my interpretation of it was "even acting friendly, Guo Changcheng felt he was serious underneath/powerful/had an intimidating vibe." And since that detail read SO vague to me, I can't tell if that was an early hint Zhao Yunlan might be a god/used to have been Kunlun, if its just another implication Guo Changcheng is afraid of people/authority figures, or if it was trying to imply something else I just did not pick up on. So even WITH the re-reading prior context of these scenes, in-depth descriptions of character's intepretations still are more vague to me even if I can guess some of the words. I imagine this will get worse when I get to the totally new chapters - unless I learn a LOT of helpful words from context by the time I get through the first 20 chapters.
When I re-read the Kunlun intro I realized I may have translated some details wrong when I translated it to english several months ago. Now, this time I didn't use a dictionary to read at all, so it's possible I also did not interpret the details I read correctly THIS time around. But yeah, a couple days ago when I re-read that part I interpreted the 'qing yi' as possibly green/blue cloth Kunlun is wearing as the blizzard is blowing (whereas when I first translated that line months ago I thought it meant 'clear white fabric' blowing in the wind like some ripped piece of cloth - its also possible this time it still means 'bright cloth' but I do think it sounds more like its Kunlun's clothes than a random cloth blowing in the wind). And this time, when I read about Shennong it seemed more like he was either a god who'd lost his powers, or a god who'd lost his godhood fully, and its just he still retained his kind unselfish demeanor. Whereas when I first translated, I figured he was just a god 'who'd suffered' because of the great calamity that had just happened, but not particularly doing any worse than that. In this re-read though it feels to me more like its implying something more severe has happened to him/is happening. Also during this re-read, the line about 'the hole in the ground being so deep the rain did not even reach this far down' was much clearer for me whereas when I initially translated I had to look up a Ton of words in that section and still didn't quite get what it meant.
Also for the chapter 1 re-read, certain details were much easier for me to clearly understand. The part about McDonalds I FINALLY recognized that word in the sentence, the part about Guo Changcheng parking then going into the courtyard area and seeing the lobby office building, the part about human resources department, all of those sections I followed the details much easier than last time I read with a dictionary. So yeah, I'm curious which parts will be 'clearer' to me this time reading.
I am still reading at a slow 5 minutes a page (speed I was reading print novel of zhenhun last time). But to be fair? I am slowing down to try and figure out every unknown right now on the re-reading sections. And I read english fiction at like 3-4 minutes a page (why???? Do I just... picture and savor a lot???). I know when I'm reading nonfiction or back when I'd read class-assigned things I could read way faster, but I think its just because I scanned for important info and details and then moved on. Idk but...I really do read english fiction too slow too lol (I'm reading a friend's book and I've read like 110 pages despite like 10 hours on this book so far T-T just because I keep savoring it and pausing and rereading). I'm rereading a fic I wrote, so I know everything that happens, and I was reading like 1 page every 3-4 minutes ;-;. I know I can read super fast I think when I like something I just... slow down. Now, my chinese is reading slow just because reading slow is ALL I can do lol. But I may need... to be more realistic that any novel may take me 20-30 hours optimistically when I read like an english novel that's only 300 pages over 3 weeks now and I'm only 1/3 through it.
I can read chinese a touch faster if its actually in my 98% comprehended range I think. For hanshe, while when I'm slowing down looking up all unknown words its probably around the same speed as zhenhun? While I'm just reading to follow the story, I can finish a whole chapter in a handful of minutes. Now, like zhenhun, I am currently reading chapters I have already read before - so the familiarity is likely speeding me up. So that fact does mean it probably won't be as easy/fast once I get to the new chapters. At the moment though, unknown words pretty much all I have a good guess of understanding roughly in context (a lot like me reading fanfic in middle to high school as far as the amount of new vocabulary beyond my range that is not affecting my understanding). I just do not necessarily have a good chance of guessing completely new hanzi pronunciations (which is the main reason I keep occassionally looking up words). The hanzi I've vaguely seen before, I can sometimes guess their reading based on radical or the other word I know them from. But the completely new hanzi I do not remember seeing at all (although I did apparently at some point during the first read through) - I cannot make a decent pronunciation guess sometimes. And of course, the hanzi I always cannot guess correctly for the life of me (looking at you 'suspicious' 'hesitate' 'doubt' because I am STILL getting those 3 words/hanzi in them confused even though I've probably looked up each word like 40 times at least).
For me, print text is slightly easier to read (and in extensive reading its somewhat easier for me to guess new word meanings/hanzi). By this I mean the font they usually use for print novels (it looks a bit more like handwriting with more slanted lines and less 'blocky' of a look). I sort of think its because the print text usually used in books has more obvious radicals to me. So my eyes parse out the radicals I'm looking at easier and can make a guess at meaning/pronunciation. An obvious example is any time a 'sound noise' is written with hanzi with the mouth radical on them. When I'm reading in print text, I recognize 'mumbled, shouted, humph'ed, sighed, breathed in etc quite quickly. Along with sounds like 'xililala' and 'deng deng deng' and there was a sound phrase used I think in Guo Changcheng's section about school in chapter one that was like he sort of 'tumbled/fumbled his way through school' and while i know tumbled/fumbled is probably not Exactly the word? It looked like a sound-noise word to me because of the mouth radical, so I figured it might be something like that? Whereas I know when I read the webnovel if I saw a 4 hanzi phrase like that I would've just gotten confused by those hanzi cause I wouldn't have recognized the meaning of the other radicals in the hanzi. Also a few weeks ago I changed a fic I was reading's text to the print-usual text in Pleco, and had a much easier time reading less slow/recognizing hanzi I'd seen before. That said, recently reading a ton of hanshe has helped computer-text reading ability a bit I think. I'm getting much more used to recognizing radicals in computer-text website usual font, which I notice most obviously in that I'm hitting more 'sound hanzi' that are getting less confusing to me to recognize.
So I guess in summary, reading extensively is going fine. I'll find out in a few weeks if its causing any improvements. I do think its helping with my ability to recall words/pronunciations of words I've seen before though. Just because the quicker I can do that the less I pause, and I don't have a dictionary to help me out so I seem to remember some pronunciations quicker (maybe because I 'have' to). I also think its helping me with general sentence parsing a bit - which I thought I was fine at, but on re-reading the beginning of zhenhun I am realizing there's a decent amount of sentences I did NOT interpret quite right the first time around even with a dictionary.
#september#september progress#reading progress#i am happy my reading skill is improving but as usual its definitely a slow progress#i would not be surprised if i read zhenhun AGAIn in a year#and found out yet Again how many details i'd misunderstood prior lol#i think thats. just how it is sometimes maybe
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Tagged by @everyonewasabird - thanks!
1) how many works do you have on AO3?
48
2) what’s your total AO3 word count?
207,828
3) how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Let me go count 😂 I tend to write oneshots for random things then never write more for that fandom (when it even has what can be called a fandom lol)
Hmm, something like 24?
Les Mis and Harry Potter are definitely what I’ve written for the most. I’ve written a fair bit of Star Wars stuff as well, but most of that is unpublished wips.
4) what are your top five fics by kudos?
Oh god, I don’t like the first two anymore
1. Mr. Harry Potter, a trans guy!Harry ficlet (this was originally just a headcanon post)
2. Practice, a B99 bi trans guy!Jake ficlet
3. Aching for You, MDZS Wangxian porn with plot (that novel blue balled me lmao)
4. Just Like That, Disco Elysium Harry/Kim (I still really like this one, it was one of the first in that tag too)
5. Handsome as ever, Doctor Who fic where Thirteen and her companions meet Jack Harkness (written before his canon reappearance)
5) do you respond to comments? why or why not?
Usually, yeah. Not if it’s just a heart of a single word comment, though. Not that I don’t appreciate those comments, there’s just not really anything to respond to. If someone does it on every chapter of a longer fic, I might go like “thanks for taking the time to comment!” on one of them to show that I appreciate it.
6) what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
Hmm, I’m more of a hurt/comfort than outright angst sort of guy... particularly in terms of endings, I really like things to be really angsty but then end on that note of “things are going to be okay”?
That said, it’s probably In Other Circumstances, a fic based on the movie Joyeux Noël, which is already fairly angsty, given the subject matter (that time during WW1 opposing armies celebrated Christmas together). That, or the Dumbledore fic To Be At Peace.
7) do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you’ve written?
Not really. I do have a little bit of a Les Mis/Order of the Phoenix mash-up where Dumbledore’s Army do a student activism after Dumbledore is sacked (Lamarque is dead!) lying around somewhere, but I think that’s about it. God, that was a good idea though. I should get back on that some day.
8) have you ever received hate on a fic?
I think I once got one from a terf on that trans!Harry one but it was pretty vague lol
9) do you write smut? if so what kind?
Yeah, occasionally. I have a lot of kinks in the bdsm area of things, so that’s always pretty apparent in the smut I write. I just think power dynamics are sexy lmao
A lot of the smut I’ve written is original work stuff though, so that’s not up in the same place as my fanfic.
10) have you ever had a fic stolen?
Doubt it
11) have you ever had a fic translated?
Yes, Just Like That was translated into Chinese.
I’ve also personally translated a Odin/Loki fic I wrote in Danish into English. Fun fact, it’s way harder to translate than if I’d written it in English in the first place. I like to write fic in Danish where it makes sense to, though.
12) have you ever co-written a fic before?
Nope. I’ve partcipated in events where I’ve drawn and the other person written, but never co-written. Frankly I’m not even sure how that works.
13) what’s your all-time favourite ship?
Gah, idk. All-time, huh? I shift between fandoms too much for that.
Obviously I ship Enjolras/Grantaire a lot and have for a long time, but then I’m also super particular about what I want that to look like lol.
I still really love Sirius/Remus even after all these years. Disco Elysium’s Harry/Kim deserves mention here as well, although that’s a lot newer, so it’s difficult to talk about in an “all-time” sense.
Despite not really caring about any aspect of Marvel anymore, I also still really love Matt/Foggy from the Netflix version of Daredevil.
14) what’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
A lot of unposted stuff 😂 Maybe once I finish Elysium I’ll pick one of those up again... If it’s a wip I care about, I won’t start posting it till I have a good sense that I’ll continue being able to update.
15) what are your writing strengths?
Hmm, I think I’m good at inserting myself into the mindset of the protagonist. This is also why I practically never write alternating pov, I’m filtering everything through that protagonist so shifting around would be harder. Dialogue tends to come easily to me as well.
16) what are your writing weaknesses?
Descriptions, moving characters around in space in particular. On a more meta level, plotting things out to the right degree where I still actually want to write it but I’m also going in a particular direction. Just... plot, in general, really.
17) what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
Generally speaking, if my character speaks the language in question, the dialogue will be rendered in the same language as the rest of the text with a dialogue tag like “he said in German” or w/e. If they do not, the dialogue will be rendered in the actual language being spoken.
Of course this is also hugely guided but what languages I personally speak. I will never use google translate for something like that because I personally find it infuriating when people do that lmao. It’s like saying “Hey, you, who actually speak this language? This isn’t for you. Fuck you. This is just here for flavor. Surely no-one who actually speaks this language will ever come across this.” I’m sure that’s not what most people who do that are thinking, but that’s what it feels like to read. So I won’t do that.
I can’t recall if I’ve done this in anything that’s up anywhere, but if I wanted to include a foreign phrase I would either use Danish, use triple checked German or ask someone I know who speak a given language about the phrase in that language. Or, you know, just use an established quote.
An exception is Latin, particularly for Les Mis fic, where I follow the brick’s habit of rendering Latin untranslated, despite the pov character understanding it (but again, these are always established phrases).
If I wrote something in Danish taking place in the modern day, I would render English untranslated as well, since that is just how young Danes talk and I can assume that 99.99% of potential readers will be able to understand it either way (this, I think we can assume, is also what was going on with Latin at the time Hugo was writing).
18) what was the first fandom you wrote for?
Probably Harry Potter. That, or Avatar: The Last Airbender. I don’t really remember. The first thin I put on FFnet was certainly Harry Potter, though.
19) what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?
Predictably it’s On the Path to Elysium. As I’ve mentioned before, I wasn’t really able to write long things before Elysium. Most of my fics are oneshots and while I really like oneshots, I had long been frustrated that I never managed to get any of my longer ideas off the ground. Elysium represents a lot of growth for me as a writer.
Apart from that, like I said, I’m still very fond of Just Like That, if nothing else then because I wrote it in an emulation of how the game itself is written.
I tag @thebearmuse @teddy-stonehill @antirococoreaction (no pressure ofc, just if any of you think it looks fun)
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BnHA Chapter 262: A Fierce Bad Rabbit
Previously on BnHA: The hospital raid squad, which had two jobs consisting of (1) not letting Ujiko get away, and (2) not letting any of the Noumu break free to go ravage the countryside, impressively failed at both of these tasks (or so I assume) in a remarkably short amount of time. The EndeavorZawaMicLock squad were all occupied with having a very destructive fight in the hospital lobby, leaving my girl Miruko, Goddess of Courage and First of Her Name, to do pretty much all the heavy lifting, which, fine!! Except that Ujiko remembered that he had a bunch of High End Noumus just floating there waiting to be activated, and he was all “!!” and fucking activated them, and like five of them went after Miruko all at once and smashed her into a bunch of machinery and glass tubes, which frankly should have killed her but it didn’t because she’s a fucking boss. But now it’s just her (and Crust, who might do something too, but for now JURY’S STILL OUT) against all these guys while Ujiko speeds off to grab Tomura and abscond. So basically everything that could go wrong has already gone wrong so UH. OKAY.
Today on BnHA: Miruko kicks ass. Then she checks her watch and sees that there’s still time for her to kick more ass, so she does. Then there is still time, because this chapter is all about her kicking ass! So she kicks even more ass!! It’s great!! I have no complaints!! She decapitates a man with her thighs!! That’s a thing that really happens!! Also she loses an arm but WHO HASN’T LOST AND/OR BROKEN THEIR ARMS IN THIS SERIES, REALLY. Everyone is doing it. Somehow she manages to make it look cool because Miruko. Miruko can strangle a man with a cordless phone. She can kill two stones with one bird. Miruko makes onions cry. Death once had a near-Miruko experience. Mirukoooooooo. Anyway the chapter ends with Skeptic warning everyone at The Ol’ Villain Hotel that the heroes are coming, so basically WELCOME BACK, EVERYONE, this manga is back with a vengeance.
guys I’m gonna try to do this recap fast because I’m seeing Heroes Rising tonight at 7:30! and I’m so excited! and for those that asked, yes I do plan on doing some kind of write-up about it, though it’ll all be from memory after the fact so we’ll see how that goes. but !! I’ve waited 84 years for this ahhhhh but anyway so in the meantime let’s see what new and creative ways our heroes are finding to screw this up even more
(ETA: I did it but this thing isn’t edited for shit lol. after I get back I’ll give it a more thorough readthrough so sorry if I missed any really obvious errors! also there are probably way more exclamation points than usual which may or may not be a plus or minus.)
look at this helpful announcement
High End Noumu approaching, everyone. you have been warned. just in case you somehow failed to notice?? IT’S RIGHT THERE Y’ALL LOOK OUT
lmao FINALLY
MORE HEROES. YOU ALL CERTAINLY TOOK YOUR FUCKING TIME, but hey welcome to the party. and none of that “I don’t see how that’s a party” sassy shit either. you all know what I’m talking about so get out there and have fun
so they’re standing there all “it’s a talking Noumu!” and YEAH. that’s what I’ve been fucking trying to tell you. thank god someone finally fucking said it out loud so that hopefully the EZML squad can finally take notice of this as well. like guys. bigger fish?! get to frying!!
so now Crust is all “there are more of them ahead, Miruko’s in danger!” which, again, thanks for finally letting everyone else in on this formerly exclusive scoop there pal. ‘preciate it
I... really do not understand Crust’s quirk at all. I’m just gonna own up to it
what is this. what does “zuga” mean fx-wise. why did those scale things on his arms get so big. what are they made of. what’s happening
oh it turns out that if you scroll and read more instead of pausing for ages to ask dumb questions, the thing you were asking about might actually be explained in great detail in the very next panel
but what are they made out of though. and why “Crust”?? ah well I suppose that’s a question for someone who actually cares more than I do
by the way the quality of this scan is actually really good so far, I gotta say. we’re only two pages in, true, but they either cleaned this up really nicely, or this was a much higher-quality scan than usual. either way I am appreciative!
lol this poor Noumu is shook
what did I name you two weeks ago, again? Rusty?? anyways he’s doing his best you guys. gambare my dude, though actually you do need to die, so that’s too bad though
Crust is all “you pitiful living corpse!” with tears in his eyes because he’s dramatic! but jokes aside I do appreciate that he has compassion for these monsters who are all still basically innocent victims at the end of the day
does anyone else actually hear that funny-sounding anime narrator guy in your head nowadays when you read panels like this lol
I can hear the voice so clearly and it’s great
only ten times the strength of a normal human, guys. that’s actually not that bad. I’m only half joking lol. because obviously your average hero is going to be much stronger than a so-called “normal” person too, yes? and I’m pretty sure Miruko has the strength of like 30 humans but I may be overestimating her just slightly but am I though
oh lol I apparently did not learn my lesson about doing commentary before I’m done reading hahaha
so High Ends are on a different tier of their own above even the “high” tier. well that’s just. yeah that sounds more like the “we’re still fucked” update that I was expecting
oh wait, seriously??
are you telling me that all of the High Ends were actually cultivated from villains? so maybe not completely innocent, then? is this Horikoshi’s way of trying to make us feel marginally better about the fact that the heroes are shortly henceforth going to have to exterminate these guys with great prejudice? I mean they’re still basically slaves to Ujiko’s programming now though so that sucks
also I missed this earlier but the narration here basically just confirmed that Noumu are all made from corpses. which I kind of suspected, but the still-very-much-alive Tomura would then be a glaring contradiction to that, no? or is that why he’s so special. anyway I do appreciate that we’re getting a lot of much-awaited answers in this Noumu arc, but some of this is also just raising more questions. gotta be patient I guess
speaking of Tomura, Ujiko’s back in the Tomura room, so. I assume some absconding is soon to occur
oh shit!! so there’s another panel explaining that “artificial transplant of quirks” requires surgery and then three months of stabilization time following that. sooooo I’m pretty sure this mofo just confirmed that he gave Tomura some shiny additional new quirks, so that’s nice! that’s real fucking great! I know we were all eyeing Tomura skeptically and thinking to ourselves “this is almost just right, but needs more death”
wait, what?
“I was already dead anyway” meaning that he knows there’s no way out for him? and so he doesn’t have a secret way out of the lab?? ??? can that really be true?? our intrepid heroes actually did their job right and the villains had no contingency plan?? oh my god I am so terrified of letting my guard down lmao I still refuse to believe this at all
and is that Tomura who’s at 70% stabilization? that would seem to fit with the timeline we were given. holy shit is he unboxing him early fsdfkjalsdk are we about to go from “fucked” to “exorbitantly fucked”
and why am I strangely excited about it sob!!
HAHAHAHA OH GOD
so this is how liberty dies. with a beep
also fuck you all, now it’s at 71%?! couldn’t leave it at a nice even number for us, could you? you just had to throw that extra percent in there at the last moment to fuck with us all
anyway did you all catch how fucking ripped he was there though? like boiiii whaaaaat. clearly his abs are already at 100%
OH MY GOD
DOES NOTHING FUCKING FAZE THIS BEAUTIFUL, RULE-BREAKING MOTH
HAHAHA
RIGHT??
HOLY FUCKING MOLY
friendly reminder that Dabi was all good and ready to throw down with both Endeavor and Hawks (who were admittedly weakened by that point) that one time a while back, but then Miruko showed up and he was all “lol nope I think the fuck not” and warped out of there. Dabi, whose quirk is so powerful that its only apparent downside is the fact that it roasts him alive as well. that Dabi took one look at Miruko and decided he likes having his spine intact and fucking vamoosed, because that is the smart fucking thing to do when this girl shows up smiling at you the way that she is smiling at these Noumu now
anyway. fucking Ujiko knew he needed at least five High Ends to even stand a chance of slowing her down, is all I’m saying. y’all better respect the FUCK out of Miruko, everyone. it’s the law
anyway. so. quirk: bunny. can smash rl gud
someone needs to ask Horikoshi the fuck kind of rabbits he has been hanging out with. applied that “and more!” part pretty fucking liberally huh. WHO DID YOU SAY TRIX WERE FOR AGAIN, CHILDREN??
NOBODY THROWS MIRUKO IN THE BRIAR PATCH AND GETS AWAY WITH IT
fffwhatttttttttt
that would be our good buddy Max Rebo. so that’s definitely not an elephant trunk-like thing then. we may need a new name for you
on a side note, I never thought we’d meet another character who looks more like Katsuki than Mitsuki does, and yet every damn week Miruko is proving me wrong. goddamn she is great
lmao wait maybe that wasn’t Max at all, but Jester. because this is clearly Max over here
so Girl!Noumu is a water bender, Jester can do... something weird with his hair, and Max can do anything an elephant can do if that elephant was also powered by steam. nice
HAHAHA BUT MIRUKO IS ALL “KICK!!!”
HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. I WOULD READ AN ENTIRE MANGA OF JUST THIS LMAO THIS IS TOO MUCH ADRENALINE I CAN’T
JESTER’S WEIRD SPIKY ROCK HAIR IS SLICING HER ARM AND SHE’S ALL “THAT HURTS YOU JERK!!!!” AND GETTING READY TO FREAKING PILEDRIVE HIM I CAN’T, THOUGH!?
SDKFJLDKSJFLKJ
HER FATHER PEPPY TAUGHT HER THAT. BARREL ROLL ALL OVER THESE BITCHES!!
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCKING QUIRKS!!!! THOUGH!!!! WILLLLLLLLLD
SDKFJLAS;DHK OH MY GOD OH SHIT
real talk this is the scariest fucking quirk I’ve ever seen I was like what the fuck looking at her arm and then I saw him doing the twisty hand gesture and just. fuck. YOU’RE NOT CRIMSON RIOT AT ALL YOU’RE SOME PSYCHO TELEKINETIC BITCH AND I FUCKING HATE YOU!!
NO!!!!!
fuck fuck fuck. I’M SURE HER ARM’S GOING TO BE JUST FINE AND DANDY AFTER THIS GUYS, DON’T WORRY. THIS MANGA HAS SUCH A SERENE AND TRANQUIL HISTORY WITH ARMS. ISN’T THAT RIGHT DEKU
though on the plus side, if she does lose that arm we can count on her to somehow instantly become like 50x more attractive, which I’m pretty sure might cause the very fabric of the universe to unravel but it would be worth it
(ETA: SHE DID AND IT WAS!!)
MADAME PRESIDENT!! MY QUEEN
OH HELL YERRRRRR
fucking hell guys I’m running out of exclamation points and excited things to say here. AND SHE JUST KEEPS GOING! LIKE HER MOM THE ENERGIZER BUNNY BEFORE HER
I’M SORRY UJIKO DID YOU THINK FIVE HIGH ENDS WAS ENOUGH?! MAYBE NEXT TIME WE MAKE IT TEN, HOW ABOUT THAT. FUCK OFF
lmao holy shit I can’t stop laughingggg
well Crimson, at least you get to die happy. is she literally going to crush his face between her thighs. is this entire chapter just one big prank on me. if Miruko was the protagonist would this series have ended in the first chapter. trick question, the answer is it never would have started to begin with because she would have killed All for One years ago!! how much would it cost to hire Miruko to come kick away all of my problems for me
hello good afternoon everyone this is a real panel that really happened in this manga
I don’t even know what to say about anything anymore
sob she’s all “YEAH RIGHT” and SNAPPING HIS FUCKING NECK WITH A FUCKING TRIANGLE CHOKE, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, FUCKING LOOK!! AT!! THIS!!!
we’re not even gonna make it to 300 chapters. Horikoshi held off for as long as he could, but eventually Miruko couldn’t be contained any longer and he had to unleash her and she instantly went and reckt every last fucking bad guy out there until there was nothing left. who are the kids even going to fight. nobody that’s who. go back to school kids
SON OF A BITCH WHAT IS HAPPENING
THIS IS THE MOST VIOLENT THING I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN AND YET SOMEHOW I SWEAR I CAN HEAR ANGELS SINGING. RESPLENDENT
SOBBING!!!!
“S’POSE I SHOULD GET THIS ANNOYING THING CHECKED OUT BEFORE I BLEED TO DEATH OR SOME BULLSHIT.” WHAT AN INCONVENIENCE. JUST A FUCKING FLESH WOUND. NOBODY USES ARMS THESE DAYS ANYWAY
“IF THE ONLY WAY TO STOP YOU IS BY CRUSHING YOUR HEADS THIS WILL BE WAY EASIER THAN HOLDING BACK ON A NORMAL VILLAIN.” SOB THIS IS MIRUKO’S WORLD AND WE’RE ALL JUST BEGRUDGINGLY ALLOWED TO EXIST IN IT. MY BARONESS
DID YOU JUST TOURNIQUET YOUR DISMEMBERED FUCKING LIMB WITH YOUR OWN FUCKING HAIR ONE-HANDED FFCKCK KCKCLK JUST MIRUKO THINGS
Miruko also saw Horikoshi getting ready to end the chapter after 17 pages and was like “EXCUSE YOU THERE” and he backed off because he actually likes having a fucking head thank you very much
LMAO AND NOW OF ALL TIMES WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE OL’ VILLAIN RESORT. SIGH
Skeptic seems to have finally cottoned on to them being in some kind of trouble. huh
how does he know it was Jin who screwed up?? did he realize that Hawks betrayed them oh shit!?!
OOP HE’S SOUNDING THE ALARM
AND THE CHAPTER IS ENDING. BUT I’M NOT DONE SCREAMING. AHHHHHH well anyways I’m off to watch my children kick lots of ass on the big screen. assuming I can get this posted in time with zero editing whatsoever lol I’ve got like... an hour. WE SHALL SEE!
(ETA: we did it lol just barely! this whole thing is probably a giant mess but oh well! Mirukoooooo)
#bnha 262#miruko#mirko#ujiko daruma#I already forgot his new official name ah well#bnha#boku no hero academia#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#bnha manga spoilers#makeste spoiler recap#makeste reads bnha#no time for tags!!#movie!!!!
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SHANNON!! HELLO MY FRIEND ☺️☺️ hope you're having a lovely day!! Okay you know I absolutely your character Death, so whatever you want to talk about with him :)
KRYSTAAAA hello my friend! I hope you are having a great day yourself! You sent this yesterday but I wanted to take my time with this as discuss one of my *FAVORITE* things about Death in this post - appearance and reasons WHY he appears this way. I know we don’t see actual images, but I try to work with the description in Landslide to give Death, in my personified way, an appearance - because in my mind he has an appearance, quite similarly to a man - LET ME STOP MYSELF WE’LL GET INTO IT BELOW HAHA!!! AW THANKS!! :,) I’m so glad you enjoy it truly, that means so much and I’ve worked to really develop Him and His character all together along with His role with Natia because it is one of the most important connections Natia holds with someone in Landslide - even though they can’t ever speak - AGH I LOVE IT!! Let’s get into it!
SO -- we are going to work with 4 general images that I’ve always envisioned Death as and I’ll really talk about WHY I have Him as such because there are reasons why these pictures are the way they are and why I decided on these pictures for Him!
Let’s solidify two things first!
(1) When I created Death in general, I wanted to make Him a male, just because I saw Death as male in my mind and for the dynamic of the story it would work best. But for a spin-off from Landslide (there may be a few!) I’ve thought about digging into another aspect which is - in this sort of fic, Death is seen in the way the seer wishes to see Death, which I think is pretty cool! There’s a reason though Natia sees Death as male....ahem...Agent Mortem I’m looking at you.
(2) The two important things to touch on with the Death I’ve created - cloaks and wings - cloaks (+hood) have been broguht up a various amount of times already for Death n the 26 chapters of posted Landslide chapters and content BUT we have yet to discuss wings. I can’t jump TOO into that yet exactly, but that is the second most important aspect of Death I’ve crafted together! Keep that in mind!
OKAY...now that we have all of that put together, let’s jump into it - 4 pictures, 4 ideas - WE LOVE TO SEE IT!! There may also be a cut somewhere below - idk where, but it’ll be there! Enjoy!
AND AS A SIDE NOTE - THESE IMAGES ARE FROM PINTEREST SO NONE OF THESE IMAGES ARE ACTUALLY MINE OR CREATED BY ME!!!
FIRST IMAGE: This is probably the best, accurate description and image of Death in my eyes at least - I’m sure the readers have envisioned Him differently (just imagine He has a cloak on and it’s covering His head LOL!) - but in many ways this is my portrayal of how I envision Death. Almost looking as if he is a regular man - dark tousled hair, a grey coat, dark boots - the works! But he’s quite sad, this wandering person, aimlessly moving about and he’s quite grief-filled. And so, that’s a reason I particularly love this photo because we get the head focused downward to convey this portrayal of grief and how consuming it is. I really wasn’t out to make Death this emotionless person who just takes and takes - I wanted in my portrayal to show how much pain he holds - and how he is protecting Natia with all His might from someone like Himself because He can’t bare to do His duty that He has for eternity on Natia.
AND THE WINGS!! Okay, wings - we get more into the wings at the end of part 3 and extremely expanded in part 4 - but wings are extremely important. They are in fact black and feathered - I begin to reference him at the end of Part 3 as if he were a ‘Father of Ravens’ in a sense because of what a raven represents and for Death’s character I feel that is very true to his character specifically His role He takes in with Natia. You might even see him int he form of ravens as we come particularly out of Bastogne and the weather gets warmer - it will be very prominent.
I would say this is my absolute favorite - if you ever need a reference - this is image is 100% what I would have crafted for Death if he were portrayed in a picture!
SECOND IMAGE: Here is an absolute FAVORITE!!! (1) We know Natia sees Death essentially as male (for various reasons regarding Agent Mortem who literally is Agent Death or Agent of Death if we want - but that’s for another ask!) and so this I would say is a very good representation of the wings + ravens + eyes + profile of Death. The narrow-eye expression of his facial features if very prominent - Natia does much of the same - and let’s just say Death has picked that up as well. He sees the world really in blacks, whites and greys - similar to how Natia views the world because of Agent Mortem ( a morally grey character) and so I really took all of that and worked with it in this way! Natia, Death and Mortem are the mains in my mind and so they all see the world in grey - but who will break from that? They’re all connected with one another in many ways - who will break that?
But yes, in this picture, I go off the fact that in Landslide, Death will take the form of a raven as his best chance to get closer to Natia, to even try and interact with her and that is very prominent at the end of Part 3 and all of Part 4 and even some postwar!
THIRD IMAGE: OKAY - so here is where we get into more of the ‘cloaked figure’ that encompasses Death and this image of his cloaked figure. The cloak hides quite a lot of things and one of those things are his wings - which don’t really make an appearance until the end of Part 3 for various reasons! Which I can’t say just yet :) But it also hides his face - his expressions - why might you ask does he want to particularly hide that?
Let’s reference the most recent chapter update - Chapter 26, entitled Weapons Don’t Weep. (1) Natia is in fact a weapon, not only crafted by War, who makes his somewhat annual appearance, but also my Agent Mortem - who’s to say Death might’ve also crafted her? (2) Death and Natia have a unique connection - they can’t communicate through words, they can’t really communicate through much if you think about it - just feelings, emotions, thoughts. SO - this just adds onto evidence of how Death actually can control her a bit. The chaos that ensued at the end of Chapter 26 was a precursor to that - he can control her chaos, she can’t control his. The closing of his eyes - he uses a cloak to hide that he is abusing his power of control on her - and letting chaos warp her. NOW THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING - A MERE PRECURSOR AS STATED. We’ll get into it much later on and why, but the cloak covers wings + facial expressions for good reasoning.
AND THE HORSE YOU MAY ASK? Well...I did call Natia a dark horse right? The definition of a dark horse is “a candidate or competitor about whom little is known but who unexpectedly wins or succeeds.” Not only is Natia a lone wolf BUT she is very much a dark horse - you don’t know much but she manages to win her battles - she may not win the war, but she will wage a battle and win what she must to survive, that’s the name of the game currently. Plenty of times in discussion - it’s like Death and Natia at a game of poker, in a black room (as described by a friend!!) and that’s very real almost every chapter that is written and published - a tension continually building, awaiting to see what will happen next, and just a constant build off of that over and over again. She takes on the persona of a dark horse more often than not - she’s underestimated, never entirely trusted, yet she survives?! People start to take that into consideration, especially in Bastogne - BUT THAT IS FOR ANOTHER TIME!!!! :D
FOURTH IMAGE: OKAY NOW -- this is sort of the expected image - Death with his cloak, a cane, dark gloves, shadowed face that you can’t see. This is the image I imagine when I am writing and Death is sort of watching Natia from afar - purposely I place him in those scenarios for various reasons depending on what is happening in that time during the story. And this is the image he sort of takes on. I don’t have many notes particularly for this image, only simply the fact that this is what masks what is portrayed in the first image - it covers the wings, the facial expressions, the man that is evidently underneath and simply that a man - yet a being forever wandering aimlessly, doing his duty given for all of eternity. But I really think this is what most will remember the Death I chose to personify him by! :D
OKAY SO THIS WAS SERIOUSLY JUST SO FUN OMG!!! This is the first time I’ve used pictures to really dig into what I’m getting at with characters - especially handling a character to the capacity in which Death withholds - there’s a lot to unpack with Him! But I truly hope you enjoyed this - I’m always happy to do more of these for any of my characters - especially even War, or Natia, or Agent Mortem - I might even just do it for fun who knows - OF COURSE WHEN I HAVE TIME HAHA!!! But I really enjoyed this so thank you for indulging and enabling Krysta!!! This was super fun to give my in-depth take on someone like Death and how I decided to craft and personify him!
#band of brothers#landslide#bob fic#bob oc#natia filipska#natia + death#we have some pictures we have some descriptions#we have analysis#we have just a whole lotta stuff to unpack here#YEAH ITS QUITE JUST CHAOTIC THIS ENTIRE THING BUT WE LOVE THAT DONT WE!!! HAHAHA
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Nobody asked for this one, but I said I was gonna do it anyway. Barret and Cloud's friendship development.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna make a mile long post. I'm just gonna hit on the key moments, but I think these two deserve a bit of spotlight.
Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.
Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.
You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.
Other analyses if anyone’s interested.
Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis)
Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog)
Tifa character analysis
Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then)
Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti)
Clotiscrew tunnel analysis
Cloti reunion analysis
The Promise Analysis
Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response)
Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read)
Cloti action touching
Aerti friendship analysis
Cloti body language chapter 3
Cloti healthy disagreement
Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15)
Clerith playground scene
Cloti body language plate fall
Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.
I'm not recapping the whole game lol
Chapter 1: Barret isn't impressed one bit with Cloud. Watching back their early interactions and I keep noticing this sad look on Cloud's face when he's excluded. But then, I'm also like “Well you pushed them away first”. But I also wanna hug him.
Yeah, so Barret isn't impressed and he's outright hostile, calling Cloud names and antagonising him. He even shoots at Cloud and then raises his gun to take out a security bot. This man doesn't like Cloud and isn't afraid to show it.
You gotta remember, Barret is 6'5 and built like a brick shit house and has a machine gun on his arm. He's not someone to mess with. Taking that in, Cloud's dismissiveness is pretty impressive. I mean he's almost a foot shorter than Barret, after all, and his sword probably weighs more than him lol
Perhaps by the end of the chapter – after Cloud saves Jessie – Barret might have thawed a tiny bit towards him, but he's still mistrusting and doesn't like him.
Chapter 2 and there's not a lot of interaction between them. Barret does actually agree with Cloud when he says “what's done is done” in reference to the destruction. This shows Barret is pragmatic and not against Cloud himself, just his role. After that, Cloud's alone for the rest of the chapter until the above screen when he leaps into the cargo carriage of the train and Barret says, “You had me worried for a minute.”
He looks caught out when the others all look at him because he's been a total dick to Cloud throughout the mission, but this shows he cares about his team, even if he doesn't like everyone on it. Showing concern for his people is the trait of a leader and if the game were showcased differently we could assume that Barret is our leading man.
“The folks down here don't have the luxury of choice, you know.”
Still in chapter 2 and this is such a great moment between Cloud and Barret! There's no arguing, just Barret giving Cloud a different perspective that's not the badass merc “Idc” one he's showcasing. You can see once the conversation is over that Cloud grows introspective, so Barret's words clearly resonated with him. This looks like another marker on Cloud's chart of going from a douchebag to a decent human being. He thinks about how things are for other people. Later, Marle tells him to consider others feelings, too. To listen. I'm loving all these small moments that come together to build a clearer of picture of Cloud's development.
Barret actually removes his sunglasses – why is he wearing them at night? – to meet Cloud's eye. This is a gesture that shows his sincerity and belief in his words. He's not just blustering for the sake of it. He cares about the people and the planet.
Chapter 3 and we don't see Barret until near the end. He's back to being snappy with Cloud – understandable since he's being a dick going on about money.
(aside: can I just squee at Cloud smiling at Tifa through this whole bit. He's such a dork)
And when we see Barret again he's very professional and courteous. There's no emotion in his tone and his words are very formal. He could be talking to anybody. His head dips as he's speaking, in an effort to lower himself more to Cloud's physical level. On an emotional one, he's making himself non-threatening. This isn’t a confrontation is what he’s putting out.
Cloud doesn't look happy at the dismissal and something we know about him is his desire for acceptance, so this probably hurts, although he acts otherwise.
We're up to chapter 5 and this is a turning point between Cloud and Barret's budding friendship. Barret's in battle dialogue makes it clear he's trying to show off in front of Cloud, who's dismissive still. There's a lot of back and forth between them in the kind of guy banter that suggests they kind of respect each other, but they also just have to put up with each other.
The above screen is the second before Cloud says to Barret that he's better than that in response to his arguing with the Shinra manager. Barret seems surprised Cloud even tries with him, but what's more telling is this expression from Cloud shows he gave it some thought before speaking. He considered the right words to address Barret which shows he's thought about the kind of reaction Barret could have. He took in Barret’s words from chapter 2 and Marle’s from chapter 3. This is called character development!
Chapter and Cloud throws some shade and Barret blusters lol
Tbf Barret's grown a lot less hostile since chapter 1. He's not as combative to Cloud, nor is he maliciously insulting him anymore. They've entered a stage of snarky banter, which we all know is one of the big steps on the road to friendship lol
Clearly Barret being able to see Cloud in action and rely on him in battle – not to mention Tifa's enduring good opinion – are starting to colour his own opinion.
(Tifa actually rears back when Barret waves his arm around in this bit lol)
Barret looking to Cloud for back up here. I mean, they're all in the shit, but this is interesting that he's looking to Cloud for that reassurance they're gonna continue kicking ass. The fact Cloud agrees without even the tiniest disagreement is probably the first time they're genuinely on the same page through their own choice.
Let the friendship begin!
Now, I bet you're thinking I picked this one to showcase cloti, well you're wrong. This is an example of how Barret's mellowed towards Cloud from his chapter 1 hostility to now. Cloud disagrees with him and instead of getting pissed that his leader decision is overruled, he lets it go.This could be a moment of contention between them, but they’ve both grown enough over the game to get to the point that not everything between them is a fight.
Now, maybe Barret's saying this because he thinks Cloud is about to die, but that seems selfish and like he's saying it to make himself feel better after being a douchebag, and for a selfless man like Barret I just don't buy it. He's genuinely regretful of his past actions and this is the point between the two of them that they can start again and actually become proper friends.
There's no time for much of a guy reunion between them when Barret does see Cloud again all the way over in chapter 12 -- that’s a long ass time apart for Barret to think about how he treated Cloud -- and we kind of brush past Barret's feelings because the plate collapse takes priority.
After that, Barret is much nicer to Cloud, trying to get his praise in battle and being a proper support to him. There's still that snarky banter between them, but the hostile edge has gone. We see a culmination of their friendship development during the stairs climbing sequence. Where before their banter had a hard edge and combative nature to it, this is very friendly and full of jokes and warmth. Barret has definitely softened towards Cloud and considers him a real friend. You can't fake that shit.
Conclusion
Yeah, I kinda cut this short and didn't do the latter half of the game, but that's because it's much more clear than this early development. Focusing on the small interactions between them that built a gradual friendship, it took a huge shock to get Barret to reassess his opinion of Cloud and him dropping from the reactor, going missing and then showing up to save the day covered it. It was like he got a reset and from that he dropped his prejudiced preconceived ideas about Cloud and opened up to him more. Because there’s such a huge gap between the time Barret sees Cloud again, it’s easy to miss the middle part of their friendship. The part where it goes from dislike to like. It’s easy to remember Barret hating Cloud and then see them being a team after chapter 12 because those moments stick in your mind more. It’s the transition that gets lost.
I love their development and how they become friends. It's not the kind of friendship that Barret shows with Red. Those two are bros the instant they met. Cloud and Barret's relationship is more complicated because of Cloud's role and identity. It takes Barret a long time to see past that persona, especially when he's only got evidence of that to go on – unlike Tifa. Once he does, he gives Cloud his full support and trust.
I, for one, can’t wait to see how they go forward in Barret’s arc.
#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers#final fantasy 7 remake analysis#Barret wallace#Cloud strife#friendship is the best ship
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Thank you, everyone, for your words of encouragement. In this short amount of time, I’ve been absolutely overwhelmed with messages of support. I want to reassure you all that I’m by no means as hurt as some of you think, or at least not after so much kindness. I’ve always encouraged all kinds of feedback!! From compliments to constructive criticism. And I’m (supposedly) an Adult™, so I can definitely take someone’s opinion.
Regardless, thank you to everyone who reached out to me. I want to respond to each and everyone of you under this post so I don’t flood other people’s dashes.
Anonymous said: about the anon who said your fics lack emotion, hmm i wouldn't quite agree tbh, i remember reading tears of a villian and deadass crying, it hurt me so much!! also, in "fall in hatred" their feeling are so well portrayed and i could understand why they acted a certain way! to conlclude, there is always some space for constructive criticism but your stories, are to me, something very attentively built and created, it's apparent that you completely enjoy writing, I can feel your enthusiasm!!
--to that anon; pls don't get this wrong way but it's just the way I see it and I've read quite a lot till now
nah deadass crying isn’t good enough anymore, anon. You have to be keening and violently sobbing until you’re brought into the ER for my fics to be considered to have emotion. lol I’m only kidding, thank you for the message.
peachiest-hun said: To that anon who said your work lacked emotions, I beg to differ! I have read Jungle Park so many times I know at exactly which chapter when the heavy angst starts happening and I read those parts when I just want to have a good cry (I still cry every. single. time)! Also Head Over Heels to Hell, The Colour of Our Voices, Love So Shallow (because I so relate with OC), and many more have given me the FEELS (happy and sad ones). 1/2
So what I'm trying to say is that Jimlingss is doing a great job in her craft. She does deliver emotions in her work and the reason I love it so much is that it's SUBTLE and not completely in your face. Sometimes emotions that are subtle and they hit you slowly, but powerfully it hurts even more for me. On another note, I'm loving Sugar and Coffee. In times of darkness which are often these days, I have something to look forward to every week to keep me motivated. So thank you Jimlinggs! 2./2
Istg Jungle Park is one of the most unexpectedly beloved fics on my blog but I love it hahaha I can’t believe you’ve read it to the point of knowing what chapter is what though. that’s an honour. There’s definitely stories of mine that are less subtle than others, but I’m glad that you enjoy the latter of them too :’) Thank you.
Anonymous said: This is my first time ever leaving a message on someone’s tumblr, but I just felt that I HAD to after reading that anon’s comment about your stories lacking emotion. I wholly disagree (in the nicest way possible, not throwing any shade at anyone). I’ve read all of your fics (for the past two years) and I look forward to when you release new material (the highlight of my Mondays right now after I come home from working at a clinic). Your stories have really lifted my mood during this pandemics an
Anonymous said: Sorry for that long tangent. Don’t even know if I made sense. You don’t have to respond to any of this, but you deserve to hear some positive words as well.
Oh my god. Did I just take your tumblr-message virginity? asdfghjkl I’m kidding. but thank you for reaching out to me. I can’t believe you’ve been around for such a long time and that I’m a part of your Monday routine :’)
Anonymous said: OK that ask about "constructive criticism" was def imo RUDE. You don't just anonymously go into someone's asks and bluntly tell an author that their fics "lack emotion". That is not the way to encourage someone to improve and continue to work hard. That's just flat out mean. That person clearly doesn't care about your feelings or the fact that you write and share your stories for FREE for us to enjoy. I love your stories and appreciate what you've shared with us. Thank you for your hard work ❤️
I like to give the benefit of the doubt to anons and anyone sending me a message online in general. God knows there were times I meant well but it was received wrongly. But anyway, my mind was more boggled than I was hurt, that’s one thing for sure.
joonie-mono said: + it was called love so shallow which genuinely made me see myself in a character, but my point was that your writing has a specific feel to it, it's made me laugh and cry (His Name personally killed me :] ) and that's my opinion. You and your writing are amazing and I'm sorry but that anon was just so wrong.
oof bringing out the evidence. be my attorney please.
Anonymous said: As someone who has read your entire masterlist (and going through it again) i will have to wholeheartedly disagree with that anon. The way you portray SO many emotions in your fics is *chefs kiss* and I honestly thought that the ones that “lack emotion” were meant to be that way, with an open ending, the idea that their love just started, soo.... yeah, I’ll have to disagree.
There are definitely stories of mine that are a bit looser on romance. Such as Kitchen Romance, The President’s Son, The Heiress’ Son, Arcadia, etc. But I have a loooot of fics that are quite emphasized in either despair/sadness or cute fluff.
ladyartemesia said: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I am here to disrespectfully disagree with anon who probably doesn’t write effing ANYTHING and has no idea what it takes to produce the content you do. I have followed for months and I’m still not through your masterlist BECAUSE reading your stories is a bloomin EMOTIONAL EVENT. When I read Brass and Strings, I LOST A WHOLE DAY. Like I was so into it, my DAY was gone. Anon is prolly salty there isn’t more smut I guess. That’s whatever for them. (Part 1)
It’s subtle, deep, meaningful, and incredible and you’re one of my favorite authors. I can’t FOR A SECOND let that comment go cause it’s RIDICULOUS. You’re literally so gifted. You don’t need to change a thing. Every artist, no matter their medium, should continue to improve. So in that sense I wish you all the growth in the world as you work towards the perfection of your craft. BUT SERIOUSLY you’re an incredible writer. That anon is loony. I’m so sorry you had to even read those crazy words.
As I answer these messages, it’s starting to feel like I’m the third party mediator of a dispute and all y’all are just HAMMERING it to this anon, LOL. I’m not sure if the anon is necessarily requesting for more smut but if they are, they might be happy this Friday (*COUGH spoiler for those actually reading my responses)
Anyway, you’re too kind. thank you. I am definitely not as hurt as I was earlier.
((and tbh you’re hilarious, you’re actually making me laugh irl))
krystle1990 said: Woah!! Ok first that Anon is absolutely crazy. I literally stalk your page for new work being put out! I probably blow up your notifications daily. I've never been disappointed in any of your work. You always give a heads up if it will take time for the characters to realize their feelings which I absolutely love. It always leaves me ready for the next part and I am glued to my phone with every update. You're amazing and I can't wait to see how you grow with your work. 💜😘
ASDFGHJKL PLEASEEE if it’s someone who’s worried about blowing up notifications, it’s me. To those who have notifications on I sincerely can’t fathom how often I blow up people’s phones. I digress, I always give out warnings to keep people patient since I know slow burn can be excruciating haha thank you for the message.
kigurumu said: Also just want to add that saying you have good intentions or "don't mean to be mean" does not cancel out whatever offensive thing you just said. IT WILL STILL RUDE. Not saying all negative feedback is bad. Criticism can be hard to take no matter how it's phrased, but telling a writer to be more like another writer is like telling them their style isn't good enough which is NOT helpful. Your writing is your own. If the anon wants to read fics that are like gukyi's, they can read gukyi's fics 🙄
Also I've been waiting until Sugar and Coffee is done so I can binge it all at once but avoiding spoilers from all the asks is so hard haha! I keep seeing all these good things about it and I'm SO tempted to just read it now but I've already waited this long so I don't wanna give up kfnrjrofvjskdh guess I'll reread your other fics in the meantime
The message was fine on its own but I think dragging in another writer at the end was definitely not ok. When will comparing writers end. But regardless, gukyi and I are cool with one another - i mean we wrote 100k together so it’s gonna have to take a reverse Zuko arc for us to be on bad terms lol
Anyway, oooh you’re one of those bingers. Can’t say I blame you cause I love binging myself, so it’s understandable for readers to wait till the series is over. and since you were so kind in following up your original message with two more and expressing so much appreciation for me :’), I’ll let you know that the finale of Sugar and Coffee will be posted by July 20th! by then, the entire series will be completed.
Anonymous said: Tbh i think that neither you nor that anon is wrong. Some people like it more romanticised and cheesy, some people dont. I believe that your stories are more on the realistic side of life. People (whom your characters represent) cant always be cheesy and passionate for love, there are other things in life! Maybe you're just the type who's too realistic for any hopeless romantic things like i am and it's fine. Not all writers can write dramatic romance
Tbh, I agree. It’s a matter of opinion and there’s no one wrong in the fight of opinions. As I’ve said many times on my blog, the cringe factor varies between person to person. What someone might think is fluffy is absolutely cringey to another. What someone might think is a good amount of fluff is not enough for someone else. I’ve written a lot. And I’ve made sure to add lots of variations between the amount of romance in my stories. Indeed, some are definitely more subtle and “realistic” while others are completely cheesy and makes me gag from the amount of sugar in it lol I just think the anon should take a look at more of my stories before coming up with such a conclusive opinion.
Anonymous said: I’ve been reading your fics for over a year now and religiously follow updates every week. Why? Because they make me feel something whether it be joy from fluff or grief from angst. I’ll remember a story of yours months after I first read it and return to it just to feel those emotions again. I understand that emotional responses are usually subjective but I think that anon needs to read your works again, because they sure are missing out.
I replied to that anon that they should check out more of my fics and then come back to tell me if they haven’t changed their minds, so I don’t know if they’re missing out or not lol
I don’t expect my stories to elicit emotional responses or fanatic feedback for everyone. God knows there’s been other people’s writing styles that just didn’t resonate with me no matter how hard I tried to read their stories. But all I ask is that people try. It’s fine if you give up halfway but at least try reading. That’s fair to ask, right?
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