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jjkeremika · 7 months

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AoT men confess their love for you

i.e., how i think they’d tell you they love you

reader x Eren, Jean, Armin, Reiner, Porco, Erwin, Levi, Zeke, Bertoldt

*unspecified gender reader*

Eren - blurts it out during sex and you can’t convince me otherwise

You and Eren weren’t really dating, per se… more like… hooking up behind your best friend’s back. The fact that Mikasa was his sister and your best friend was enough to keep both your urges at bay for a few months, but when she left for summer camp and he stayed behind, leaving just you two to keep each other company… well… things took on a life of their own.

So for the whole summer you and Eren gallivanted around the districts over, going on unlabelled dates and hiding from those (Armin, Jean) who just might tell Mikasa about the tryst, because maybe telling her was just too fast or too complicated for the easy and noncommittal situationship.

Which felt like exactly that… until you were bouncing on his cock in the back of his car, his mouth attached to your neck and your fingers curled in his hair. He thrusted upwards, evoking a loud moan from you, when Eren suddenly blurted out, “I think I love you,” with a hearty breath, his hips never stuttering as he kept the motion, his mouth compensating for the words by pressing to your neck.

Maybe it was time to call your best friend.

Jean - it slips out and he tries to deflect it but you already knew

You met Jean during volunteer community service, where you and the awkwardly-tall brunette would leisurely walk around the districts and collect litter. The first day everyone was set off in pairs, you two randomly assigned to wander the same district, and you both actively decided to group together every time after that.

Your conversations were rarely of any importance, mostly letting it serve as either a way to pass time or to express feelings and opinions about people the other doesn't know. At first, he talked an awfully lot about some woman who you weren't sure from his stories if she even knew he existed. Over the months of service together, he stopped bringing her up and started talking about this other person of interest instead.

His cheeks and ears turned bright pink whenever you'd ask about how he met this person, usually providing some vague and nondeterministic answer that honestly left you more confused than before. Some stuttered-out answers and a few too-similar-to-your-own interests later, you had a deep suspicion and debated how to delve it out of him.

It wasn't very hard. One week before the holiday break you two were wandering around, discussing future plans with friends and family for the upcoming holiday. "Are you excited for the break?" you asked, nudging his side with your elbow. "Huh?" he responded curiously, "Oh, I... Yeah, I guess." You snorted in response, "Sounds like it. C'mon, the holiday is a time for being with your love ones! Isn't that exciting?"

"But I only see them not on break, during volunteerin--" It was almost like he'd forgotten who he was speaking to, and his entire face erupted in various shades of pinks and reds, maybe even a light purple from the lack of breathing. He was internally kicking himself, berating himself for being so loose and stupid around you, for always struggling to think around you. He was oblivious to the smile on your face. "I, uh, because, I... love volunteering... so much."

Armin - tells you he's in love with you because you've changed his life (he’s poetic without meaning to be)

Armin was unusual from other men you’ve dated. Height aside, he was very in touch with his emotions, intelligent, and capable; but he tormented himself with baseless insecurities and unfounded truths until all of his perks were equally weighed down by his shortcomings. He’d bring himself down until he was impossibly low, until his opinion of himself couldn’t get lower.

He was depressed when you first met, his friends warning you that maybe it was beyond you, that it wasn’t your responsibility anyway. You knew that, of course, but it was Armin, and it’s difficult to watch sunshine be forced behind endless seas of clouds. So you’d remind him as much as possible to be kinder to himself, to speak to himself positively since he’s the only one who he will spend forever with.

It wasn’t a surprise when your relationship advanced; the effort and care you put in him nurtured feelings beyond friendship. The warmth spread inside him like a wildfire from a lit match in dry brush, and he found himself favoring you over any form of logic or reason.

It was a random weekday when he pulled you aside, trying to make time for a brief 5 minute date between lessons. He seemed nervous, which wasn’t necessarily odd, but he’d become significantly more comfortable around you over the years. “I, uh,” he started unsurely, hesitantly, “You mean so much to me. I can't imagine this life without you. I..." He crossed his forearm over his stomach as he anchored his shaky hand on the inside of his other arm's elbow, holding it tightly to stop his body from shaking as he angelically stared into your eyes. "I’m in love with you. And I don’t mean that poetically or sexually or theoretically or logically or figuratively or ideologically or any of that. I mean it literally. I am in love with you.”

Reiner - tried to act like he didn’t care but he was really invested in your response

You had been casually dating around when you first met Reiner, the tall bulky blond with the bordering-arrogant demeanor having approached you at the bar while your date was in the bathroom. He had a confident smirk plastered across his cheeks as he said, “You know, my wallet has been itching to buy the most stunning person in this room a drink, and, well, I think I’ve found them.”

It shouldn’t have worked but you’d had a few drinks already and a new heat burned in your abdomen and he was significantly more attractive than your current date, so you accepted his invitation to buy you a new drink and take the seat. A second first date of the night, completed with a quick fuck in the bathroom and at home.

Your relationship progressed smoothly from then on, with a heavy positive emphasis in the bedroom. And while neither of you ever clarified the relationship and asked if it was official, your eyes and lips and privates were so glued to each other there was no peripheral for any one else. Which was why, while Reiner never explicitly stated how he felt for you aside from daily comments--"My god, baby, you are so sexy,"; "Mmf, you make me feel too fucking good, darlin', fuck,"; "Sexiest person alive, yeah. you already know I'm speaking about you and your smart sexy ass,"--you were never really that worried anyway.

So when you two were laying on your backs in the bed, side-by-side, chest heaving to catch your breaths, and the words slipped from his mouth post-coitus, "Fuck, darlin', I love you," you were shocked, and a, "What did you say?" slipped from your mouth before you could process. He bit the inside of his lip and felt a nervous weightlessness erupt in his stomach. Reiner shrugged and sat upright, blocking his face from your view with his back. "Huh? Didn't hear me?" Reiner asked, forcing his voice to remain confident and steady, and turned to look at you briefly before stirring to stand up. He shrugged, the inside of his cheek rough and chewed up like a dog-toy. "I just said I love you. It's not a... big deal."

Porco - says it like a joke so you aren’t totally sure if he means it

Galliard was your best guy friend, joining you anywhere you didn’t want to go alone and cracking jokes to lighten the mood. He was really good at that, making you laugh, and he couldn’t deny that the sound was like music to his ears, magical notes strung together to create the most beautiful song he’d ever heard.

It was exactly because of how close you two were that both of you feared doing exactly what you wanted the other to do—make the first move. And because it was the other one, every flirty touch or suggestive comments were stripped of all intention, because there’s just no way the best friend would ever be into them too. Instead, it was personally replaced with sarcastic or playful undertones and purposeful reminders of feelings that didn’t exist.

You had convinced him to go to the lake with you, which your friends conveniently bailed on so that it really was just you two. Porco had hopped into your kayak from the dock, taking you by surprise and fearing a capsize. “Porco!” you screamed, giggling, holding onto the edge of the kayak, “What’s wrong with your own kayak? Desperately trying to get close to me?”

You watched the adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallowed intently, like he was carefully choosing when to breathe and what to say. “Haha, yeah,” he settled on, forcing himself to chuckle lightly, his voice littered with nuanced feelings he couldn’t bring himself to say confidently, “because I’m definitely in love with you…” You noticed Porco’s lack of eye contact, that he was now looking far off into the distance. “Or something like that,” he joked nervously, wiping his sweaty palms against his thighs as he sat down behind you, hoping you couldn’t see through his charade.

Erwin (age gap) - planned it out but everything didn’t go to plan

After six months together, Erwin already knew how strongly he felt towards you. You were everything he could’ve hoped for and everything he’d waited for. He already knew he wanted you as his future spouse (eventually, he knew you weren’t ready to marry). And so he wanted the moment he told you how he felt to be special to you, to be as special as you were to him.

Erwin had your six-month anniversary date planned out to the T: first, a leisurely walk around the park; second, a quick stop at a couple of your favorite shops nearby to browse and buy you a gift (or gifts, really, he’d buy whatever you wanted); third, stop in at the new bistro you’ve been dying to try—“Ooh, Winnie, look, look! We have to go there!”; fourth, walk around and watch the stars until your feet were sore and he could carry you home.

A sudden rainstorm ruined the walk, forcing both of you to run for cover under some trees for quite some time until it passed. Once the rain finally stopped, it was too close to the dinner reservation time to stop in at the shops, and he shuttled you to the bistro. You were both sat next to a loud family with screaming children, barely able to hear the other speak the entire time, staring at each other with morose smiles while munching on mediocre food. The stars hid behind thick dark clouds as you both walked home, and Erwin felt too defeated to ask to carry you because you were finally enjoying that brisk walk.

At your doorstep, when he profusely apologized for ruining your anniversary date—“Ernie, seriously? Stop apologizing! You can’t control the weather! And the restaurant was my idea anyway.” The frown lines on his face deepened and twisted in morose. “No, that’s not…” he sighed, upset that nothing had gone to plan, “I wanted everything to be the perfect night for my perfect person, a wonderful night solely for the one I love…” he added in a whisper, “…and I messed it all up.”

Inviting him felt like the only way to reverse his thoughts, to make him realize that, despite everything he considered so wrong, it was all so correctly wrong to you it may as well have been perfect.

Levi - thinks it should be obvious since he’s still with you

It was about subtlety when dating Levi. At least, that’s what you’d figured out in the year you’ve been together. His face was relatively expressionless, so you’d learned to read his body language, but you honestly worried you’d never be fluent, because you still questioned the presence or validity of his feelings for you on some days.

He said it once, that he felt deeply for you on the day he asked you out. He repeated it on your six-month anniversary, when you asked if he still felt that way and he answered with a monotoned, “Well, yeah. Obviously. I thought it was implied since we’re together and all.”

Your favorite version of him was when he was sleepy, when he was too tired to keep his protective walls up, because he was cuddly and cozy and craved nothing but your presence and warmth and actively showered you with soft kisses.

It was when his guard was down like this that you asked him, on your one-year, if he still felt the same—shielding the fear of his answer by joking that you’ll ask him every six months—and he rolled his eyes playfully and chuckled, wrapping his arm tighter around you, kissing your cheek, and muttering, “Yes, love, and I’ll give you the same answer six months, six years, and six centuries from now.”

Zeke - writes you a love letter (unlike armin he tries to be poetic)

Zeke was into you well before you even started to reciprocate those feelings. There was something so enigmatic about you, a light airy aura that made him feel buoyant, that unchained him from the burden of his father’s wants and wishes. In his eyes, you saved him.

For a debt he felt he could never repay, he always brought you flowers and sweets and gifts; he wrote long poems detailing that your beauty was beyond all beholders, that you put the sun to shame, that you were the spark to start his supernova; he sent you good morning beautiful and sweet dreams baby texts, hoping you started and ended your day with a smile.

After a couple months of exclusive dating, he wrote you a love letter, expressing the extent of what you meant to him—the burning shape of you etched permanently in his heart—, handing it to you with a deep red stretched across his face and asking you to read it privately, to share it with no one.

My dearest beloved, I write as I know my tongue will fail me, reminiscent of all previous attempts where my lips part and only whimsy air escapes. Remember those moments, my dear? How you'd don a concerned expression and question me in my flustered state. Oh, how futile the intention feels when my spiritual body abandons me, rendering my physical body utterly useless in translation as my stoic invulnerability precedes me. Oh, how I yearn for you the way broken skin stitches itself back together, the way fibers of a wire stretch to hold on, to come together and remain as one. Oh, how you complete me the manner punctuation consummates these phrases, embedding the lines with a flourish no words could elicit. All your self-proclaimed flaws are null to the universe, your soul culminating as the true embodiment of pure perfection with flavorful cracks in the profile, cracks that you've offered to my pitiful soul, pristine ledges to hold on to as humanity crumbles from your grace. Oh, how if what you provide me with is god-like pity, how I want nothing more than for that bliss to fuel my burning heart, to further engulf my being with this feverish love, to only be quenched by your will.

Bertoldt - he’s shy, so his friends tell you for him

Look, really, no offense to Bertoldt, but, well, he never said a word. Which, like, what the hell? You could tell—or rather, you were pretty sure—he was into you by the way he tensed up when you were around, by the longing glances he’d cast your direction when you were nearby.

Holding conversations was difficult in an endearing way, because he was shy—painfully shy—around you, making small comments with a smile and pink cheeks, stuttering out small compliments and avoiding eye contact like he’d crossed a line (honestly you wished he’d crossed more).

You were starting to lose hope after months of talking led to little improvements, him still awkward around you, still not telling you how he really feels, if he likes you in that way. And like, how could you really be sure that he did if his hints were shit?

One day you receive a video message from Reiner, in it depicting Bertoldt and Porco sitting on a leather couch and talking—well, Porco wasn’t. Bertoldt was talking. A lot. About you. Talking about how you make him so nervous he freezes, how he finds you so attractive his body doesn’t know how to react, how he gets goosebumps on his neck at just the sound of your voice, how the secret love he had for you took up so much volume in his throat he couldn’t even speak or breathe near you.

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salaciousdoll · 1 year

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Feel It In The Air Tonight

Pairings: Eren Yeager x Chubby!Fem!reader

Encapsulation: there's always someone to pick you up when you're feeling down, especially in college even through words on cards. In which, Eren plays the two card game with you

Warnings: fluff, talks of the Uni college experience, TikTok card game, pain splatter rage room, Starbucks drinks, eren being a little jealous but not over the top, hints of depression,hard times, etc., other talks of mental health, loving and healthy obsessed Eren, making out, touching, smut towards the end, Eren with a tongue piercing but it’s not highlighted like that because I’m a dumb bitch and forgot to punctuate it in this fic, tatted Eren, pussy eating Eren, squirting, exhibition, cumming over fingers, overstimulation, fingering, dirty talking, some of the cast appears here, modern day au, black reader ( not explicit), car sex, oral( f receiving), overall you two are in love

Word Count: 6.8k( I know I know, a lot)

18+ Babes Only

Ps: Eren may be ooc for some, dont really write for aot so this is me coming back into the fandom for a little while <3

( I'm so tired and I had to do this on two phones)

The void space clouding your head was too expensive to handle for your taste. The vision of a red door with words you heard in the past and up until now painted the door like the paint should be black instead. The only way to jump out of this disgusting vision was to walk to the door, opening the door to get to the bright side, but you couldn’t. Everytime you walked to the door, it felt like you were being pushed back.

With one heavy foot over the other one, you felt as if there was a 100lb dumbbell hanging onto your ankle, the feeling coiled up inside of you was tragic for both you and Eren. Eren wondered why you weren’t present in class for these past four days, he’s so used to you coming into the class, holding a fresh water bottle in your right hand while your phone and keys are in the left hand.

He always watched the door to see if you were gonna come in and he was curious as well as worried over the days you didn’t walk through the wooden door. Eren asked Mikasa and Jean if they’ve seen you and they’re answer was the same. He asked Zeke have you been to his psychology class and he said no but not without leaving a message to you in regards to his class “ if you do see yn, please make sure she’s ok first and tell her to get to class when and if she could, she’s missing out on a lot”.

Eren nodded his head before leaving the classroom only to bump into Armin with Sasha and Connie on his way out, “ Oh hey guys, you seen y/n around campus? Or did she go home because she’s not answering the phone?”

Sasha thought about it while Armin shook his head. Meanwhile Connie gave him a goofy grin, “ Did you even check her dorm, bro?” He placed an arm around Eren as they walked to the exit of the Housement building their reading comprehension class was in, “ You can’t honestly be that stupid, Eren.”

Eren snapped his fingers prior to running off to the building your dorm was in. He was so glad you didn’t choose a building that was far from the building with classes on the inside . He ran past Annie and Pieck bidding them hellos and goodbyes as quickly as he said it. He Slid in the elevator saying a few sentences to the two people that were already in the elevator: Reiner and Bertolt. After some time he finally made it to the opening of your dorm with the pleas and begs to be let into the dorm area by the front desk student employer and she let him since she had a crush on him once.

He only came to your dorm twice. One time for a school project and the second time for a place to chill and talk to each other. You two weren’t exactly in a relationship, yet. You both are in the talking stage so you didn’t really invite him to your room like that. Luckily he memorized the room number as he finally came to a stop in front of it: 313b.

Eren took a deep breath before knocking on the door. He waited for you to answer but you didn’t. He grew even more worried so he began banging on the door, calling out your name as well. Everyone on your floor could hear this commotion and you were embarrassed even if you were on the inside trudging to the door with your cover over your body. You could only imagine what people on your floor are thinking about this.

The banging got louder as you came to a stop in front of it, “ Go away, E’. Not in the mood for anything or anyone right now.” Eren placed his hand on the door while leaning his forehead against it. “ Come on, yn. Let me in. Look, I know you’re not in the mood right now but please can we just maybe sit in silence on the inside? I need to know if you’re okay.”

You huffed, “ You’re hearing me fine as of right now, E’, so I don’t understand why you need to know if I’m okay. I’m good.” You paused because you knew you were lying to him and yourself. “ Yeah I’m good, so please just go to your room and leave me be.”

“ Y/n, Listen I know everyone has days like this, so it’s up to their friend to make their days better. Please let me in?”, Eren says, jiggling the doorknob. “ Please, I wanna be close to you.” You hesitantly opened the door revealing Eren with his sleeve tattoos showing and his hair down in a middle part, some hair tucked behind his ear showing his beautiful jade eyes clearly.

Eren took in your look and wanted to hug you until he couldn't. Your cover covered most of your body but your hair was out of its bonnet, which was a huge no-no in his mind because you always wore a bonnet whenever you were comfy in your dorm room. So that’s how he knows you’re not okay.

You moved to the side and he came in sitting on your desk chair— spinning the chair to face your bed, “ Whenever you’re ready, you can talk. I’m listening while writing something down. We’re getting you out of this room whether you like it or not.” You couldn’t even argue because you were mentally drained. School fucking sucks the fun out of the college expeirence but no one talks about it.

Moving to the bed to plop down on your stomach felt so good, you just wanted to lay down all day and here he comes, demanding to take you out of it. Oh, how you wanted to curse him for life for disturbing your saddening peace.

30 seconds passed and all you could hear was Eren messing with your school materials bucket and your desk drawer— searching for index cards, “ Yes, finally found them.” He was mildly whispering and it was a little funny to you because he was never good at whispering even in your high school years.

The clock was turning and the sound of his writing was beauty to your ear drums. He was basically doing an asmr for you and you were almost falling asleep but the squeak of your desk chair pulled you out of you dozing off, making you roll your eyes.

After 30 minutes or so, you stopped hearing Eren writing and rocking back and forth in your chair. You could practically feel his jade green eyes digging into the back of your head as his breathing got more heavier. So, you decided to talk because the silence and the feeling of being stared at killed you, “ School.” Eren leaned forward with his elbows on his knees trying to hear you better. “ What about school? What’s going on?”

You sighed before turning over to face the ceiling with your arms around your comfort stuffie Armin brought you as a birthday gift. “ School has been so exhausting and I’m ready to quit, E’.” Eren moved his chair closer to the bed as you continued speaking, “ the work. The money. The food expenses. Everything. Yesterday I had to turn in a thirteen page essay about the 1916 project, then on top of that I have to battle with chem 101 work. Those fucking atomic theories and all that other annoying ass shit. The school lunch is horrible, don’t know how hard it is for a fucking college that we pay for to have a decent meal. I’m just … just so overwhelmed with everything.”

His heart felt heavy for you because he felt like this once too, he felt like it was the end of the world and there was no one who could pull him off the dark stairs he was walking down until you and his other friends opened the other door he didn’t even see when he was walking down blindly through the darkness. So he made it his duty and honor to do the same for everyone else, especially you.

“ E, I’m this close to dropping out and it’s sickening because my mother and father put everything into these past two years of college—I’m halfway there. Idkk… I just want to take a break for a little while.”, You say, finishing your little rant to him with a few silent tears down your beautiful eyes.

Eren learned to kiss your salty tears away, causing you to be taken by surprise. “ Can we do something really quick, I can’t say anything that can ease your mind so I’ll just let my actions keep your mind from walking through the darkness and overload that college has to offer right now for you.” He moved over to your desk in the computer-like chair to collect the index cards. “ I know you’ve seen this so many times so why not make it reality for you. Pick one.”

He held out two cars facing him with sticky notes blocking the view from behind to stop you from cheating while you picked the cards. Sniffling, you took the card on the right as he smiled at you knowing you’re gonna love it.

You turned the card over and cracked a hurt smile at the words on the card, “ 100 dollars?! Really, ren’.” He laughed with his head thrown back and his hair crowding his face, hiding his beautiful smile, “ Princess, you know that’s not the end of this and besides, even if you hate that it’s coming out of my pockets, I don’t care. You deserve it for existing.”

You couldn’t help but to smile behind your plushie you now held to block your face, “ You’re so irritating.” Eren smirked— running his fingers through his long, pretty healthy hair. Afterwards, he held up two new cards with a pink and blue sticky note on the back of them, “ Go on, baby. Pick one.”

Sitting up at the edge of the bed and in between his legs— almost, you picked the left card with the pink sticky note on the back. Turning it over, you gasped at the result, “ Starbucks, haven’t had that in forever.” You smiled sitting the card down. “ What does the other one say?” Eren grinned whilst flipping the card over to show you the writing, “ It was the bookstore shop, I know how much you love reading books so I wanted to take you.” He shoved the other cards into his black jacket pocket— standing up to walk to your closet. You were honestly glad you were this comfortable and secure with him, plus you didn’t have a Roommate so that’s maybe why you’re really at ease.

Eren brought out several clothes, tripping over your shoes spread out all over your floor when walking towards your bed. Throwing the clothes on the bed with the shoes he pulled from under your bed positioned below the outfit, “ Put these on, we’re gonna take your mind off this shit hole we're in, hope you’re ready. See you in 20 or maybe 30 depending on your time freshening up of course.

You watched him walk out the door, texting on his phone prior to laying back on the bed, kicking your feet and giggling in excitement. You needed this and you were gonna get it. Today is all about you, not school, not work. You.

After some time of cleaning yourself up, you managed to make it out to Eren’s car, hopping in. You two didn’t really talk in the car since you were still a little down from being dragged out here but grateful—nevertheless. He’s been trying to get you to talk but you only said about two or three words a sentence. Luckily it didn’t take that much time for you two to arrive at Starbucks.

You were about to open the door but he smacked your hand, giving you a pointed look. “ You know we don’t do that.” You had a little smile as he got out to walk to your side, opening the door with his beautiful smile on display, “ Your hand, mi lady.” Your smile widened a little when he kissed your hand as he grabbed it to help you into the car. He’s always been such a gentlemen with you and you loved it.

Eren interwined his hands with yours— walking into the Starbucks which was luckily almost empty. People were just sitting down and talking with their drink and little cake pops.

“ I either get my favorite or something elsee… You know I always have a hard time deciding what to get, there are too many good ones. What’s your favorite, E’?”, you say while looking at the menu, squinting a little. Eren was paying attention to you the entire time you were talking and you didn’t even notice. Do you ever? The answer is no.

Eren's eyes widened when he noticed you tilting your head whilst looking at him in confusion, “ What’s wrong, ren’? I asked you a question and you zoned out.” Eren cleared his throat prior to taking his eyes off you. “ Oh, my bad, babe. I like the salted caramel mocha with dark caramel foam, the foam adds so much to the drink. It’s really good.”

You hummed, turning back to the menu. Luckily a lightbulb came to your head— “ wait, I think I wanted to try one on my phone. Hold on.” You went to your photos and searched Starbucks in the search bar to find different varieties of drink mixes you wanted to try. You scrolled while Eren ordered his drink for Floch to take, he happens to be the cashier right now. Eren noticed the little looks floch snuck in as he was talking to him. He knew floch had a little crush on you ever since last year, so he gently put his hand behind your lower back, caressing it in the act of you're still searching in your phone.

Jealousy was a beautiful and ugly thing, right now it was beautiful on Eren. His jade green eyes were narrowed as he still spoke to floch with a now hard but mellow tone. Floch for sure took notice and almost smirked a little bit at how foolish he was acting, in his opinion. He thought you were always so sweet and pretty so why wouldn’t he fall for you at the same time as Eren trying to court you.

“ Okay, I got my order ready, floch? Wow I didn’t know you worked here. Nice to see you as well, but may I please get the - your choice- please?”, you asked as you told him the right ingredients for the drink you choose— afterwards. Floch loved hearing you speak to him so he was rushing to complete your drink even after you told him to take his time.

You turned to eren smiling, “ May I taste it? Here I’m gonna get another str-” eren held out his drink with a look that’s telling you he doesn’t care if it’s the same straw. You reluctantly took his drink and wrapped your two- toned pretty lips around the top drinking from it. It tasted so good in your mouth, you had to get this flavor again.

Eren was watching you with a dry mouth the entire time. He was such a fanboy for you and you weren’t even a superstar but to him, you were his superstar. God, did he sound so corny in his mind. He can’t help it around you. This was the best step, I mean you always shared chips or other snacks whereas when you two shared beverages you always did a waterfall or grabbed the nearest cup— rinsing it out.

Floch called your name as he flashed a smile at you to which you became very shy since the way he was staring at you was unusual. Floch was sometimes a cool guy in the past, you didn’t really talk to him to say the same now.

You grabbed your drink from Floch after giving Eren his back, “ Thank you, Floch. See you around.” Floch was smiling into space because when you grabbed your drink his hand touched your hand creating butterflies in his stomach. He couldn’t wait to ask you out, hopefully he will do it before Eren. That’s why he gave you a little surprise with your drink.

“ Can I taste yours? It looks too good to not ask, sorry.”, Eren says as he eyed your drink with a cute scrunched up face. He didn’t even know his face was scrunched up because he was too busy mad at what he’s seeing on your drink. You let out a small laugh, handing him your drink, oblivious to the small number on the receipt, placed on the Starbucks cup.

Eren held the door open with his back as each drink was held in each hand. You two walked out as Eren took a sip from your drink almost walking back to get his own from the way your drink tasted. He hurried and snatched the receipt off, ripping off the part where his number was displayed when you were looking around, always being aware of your surroundings. Eren turned to you and held out your drink with a little smirk displayed on his face. You raised your eyebrow, “ What did you do?”

He shrugged, “ Nothing, now come on, today’s not done. I’ve got a few ideas in mind.” You smiled as he opened the car door for you letting you get inside. He closed the door, walking to his side afterwards. He almost dropped his drink while getting into the car, making both of you panic because that was gonna be hard to clean up.

Eren sat his cup down into his cup holder anterior to him fishing for the cards in his jacket pocket, he held up the next two card with a orange and yellow sticky note in the back of it this time, “ Pick one.” You thought carefully afore picking the orange card with your eyes closed. Turning it over you were confused, “ What’s the paint job? Eren are you trying to t-”

Eren almost choked on his saliva laughing at your answer, after he got himself together he answered you, “ Not that kind of paint job, honey. It’s a place, you need to let out your frustrations and I think that’s a perfect method. Our rage room is closed for renovation right now so I was gonna have to go out of the city if you choose the yellow card. Not that I mind, get to spend more time with my girl.”

Your ears were heating up as you heard what he said ‘ his girl’. You loved the sound of that coming out of his pretty pink lips. You wouldn’t even mind giving him a paint job. You smiled at him, “ can’t wait to see this, never heard of that before.”

You two were talking during the car ride to the paint job. Most of the topics were about your friends and family having a fun time with your close friends. You two reminisce about upsetting Armin when you volunteered to help him bake just for it to turn into a disaster with flour everywhere and some of his backings burned — cough cough Eren’s fault.

When you two arrived the parking lot was semi-full and the place was huge and pretty on the outside, so you can just imagine the inside of it. On the outside, the paint job had a paint splat next to the name colored in light blue, the brick walls were colored light pink and the outline of the bay windows was light purple. Making this look like a doll house.

You looked up in awe while Eren looked at you the same way you looked at the building. “ This is so beautiful, I love the colors so much.” Eren chuckled at the warm energy coming from you, taking a look at the color of the place where everyone comes to rage while his hand rested over your back trying so desperately to not trail his hands, “ let’s go, baby doll. I got a feeling you’re going to have so much fun.”

Looking at him as he held your hand in one of his hands, opening the door with his free one, “ no we’re going to have fun. This is for both of us now. You didn’t think when I was at school that I didn’t see the stress in your eyes as you gave me that tired but still pretty ass smile. You need to have fun just as much as me, ren’.” Eren looked at you with wide eyes because no one else noticed the layers of stress developing in his eyes this past week, he always kept to himsel, just like someone you knew all too well.

Eren smiled at you with a real smile this time, eyes closed and all, “ You’re right, baby. We will enjoy this. I thank you for paying attention to that, I just don’t know how to openly talk about my struggles without getting too emotional. Don’t wanna seem like a pussy in front of you now, that wouldn’t be cool at all.” You scoff loudly at him, making sure he heard it before speaking, “ Boy, please don’t ever say that shit again, I don’t like when men do that. When you’re with me, you express every emotion and feeling you have inside of you.”

You grabbed his face pulling him close to yours just to look into his eyes, “ I’m gonna touch your face when I say this, Ren’, don’t you ever feel like you’re gonna be a pussy when you’re with me expressing yourself. It not only hurts you, it hurts me because I feel like you don’t trust me enough to show me your real emotions and feelings. I’m always here for you and I already can see that you’re here for me, you don’t gotta say it back to me because you showed me countless times. Okay? So stop that.”

Eren almost wanted to cry because his ex and father left him scarred so to hear this from the woman he loves even after the end of the world is very endearing. Eren looked at you with love laced in his eyes, “ {reader}, I lo-” a voice interrupted Eren’s confession, causing him to roll his eyes sighing loudly afterwards.

“ Hey, hey, ready to paint walls? That’s a double entendre by the way.”, Connie says coming down the hallway laughing and pointing at you and Eren. Eren almost smacked his head against the wall on the side of you two. For one, this lame joke and two for him not doing this outside that way Connie and everyone else wouldn’t even know that they were here.

“ Connie, I haven’t seen you in forever, how are you and the others?”, you asked as you went in for a hug and he gladly accepted it because he missed you just like the rest of them.

Connie pulled away and was about to answer you until you felt someone jump on your back screaming your name. Just by the faint smell of peaches, you knew it was Sasha, “ Sasha!! Oh wow, I missed you. All of you.”

You turned around with Sasha now off your back clinging to your right arm whereas eren clung to your left one. When you turned, you saw almost everyone here. Jean stepped up and smiled at you, “ We missed you too.”

Mikasa smirked at you and Eren. She shipped you two like you were a part of her favorite movie as a couple. She knew of Eren's feelings so she was happy at the little affection you two had going on, “ Don’t you ever leave us out again, {reader}. I was so concerned about why you aren’t showing up to class. We’re talking about it later.” Your close lip smile brought joy to everyone because they could see the shimmer of light slowly coming back into your eyes as you heard their voices.

Armin laughed, placing a hand on your shoulder whilst he was in front of you, “ Yeah, as I told you before, happiness is not about whether you can get a job or finish getting your degree, it’s about you. Happiness is about listening to yourself whether it’s your mind, body, or soul. Please take care of yourself, {reader}. You don’t deserve to suffer alone, we’re all gonna suffer with you just to pick you back up.”

You so badly wanted to cry because your heart was releasing the toxic gas of stubbornness and unhappiness as you looked around at your friends. Just seeing Annie, Pieck, Reiner, Bert., and of course you main 5 was so important to you. You needed this, to be around friends. No, family.

You all walked up to the counter with Eren asking the lady about his reservations he made. Your brain finally started turning again and the thoughts made you gasp— smiling as you looked over at Eren, “ E’, did you plan this ahead of time.”

As everyone else was putting on their goggles, shower caps, and coveralls, he spoke to you, “ Actually I didn’t, I told them that you needed a get away and that I’m planning on taking you to either the rage room or paint splatter rooms. They did a coin toss— heads being the rage room, tails being the paint splatter room. Keep in mind that they did this coin toss with no acknowledgment that you picked one already. They would’ve been pissed if it landed on heads. Would’ve been hilarious to me though.”

You laughed at the thought of them going to the rage room instead and being very angry when you two didn’t show up, “ Yeah, that would’ve been video worthy too.” You changed into the attire you had to wear due to not wanting to get paint in your hair or clothes.

Afterwards, you all headed to the plain white room that was available for you all. You all were playing with the equipment you all had on while walking and skipping through the hallway. You knew this was going to be an unforgettable experience, sharing it with your family and the man you were in love with.

You all stood there in silence not knowing how to throw the first paint splatter until you felt some on your coveralls. You looked down at yourself covered in yellow paint preliminary to looking back up and seeing a dazzling smile with an eyebrow cocked up as in issuing a challenge to you, “ Eren, I’m gonna kill you. We’re supposed to be painting the walls.”, as you put emphasis on the wall you hurried over and grabbed the red paint brush splatting eren with paint. “ Now what?”

Mikasa was minding her own business with Armin as they painted the wall while laughing with each other while Connie was running from Jean who picked up an entire can of pink paint, “ Come on, Connie. You don’t like pink, I heard you watched my little pony with your sisters last night. Why not have their own pinky pir in the flesh.” Sasha was laughing at them until Pieck splashed her with blue paint. Sasha stopped laughing as her eyes twitched in giddiness and excitement, she was going to devour Pieck for getting her first, “ You are so on, Pieck. Ymir you’re next and after that is Reiner.”

Ymir was on alert until she got an entire paint can dumped on her head by Porco and Annie causing her to scream in horror at her body being covered in orange paint. You didn’t want to laugh but couldn’t help it when she yelled her girlfriend's name in hopes of rescuing her, and Historia was already there with black paint splattering all over Porco and Annie. Reiner and Bert. were enjoying themselves until you and Eren splashed them with two different purples: violet and lavender. Half of the room and people were covered in paint while the other half wasn’t due to different arts being displayed on the wall.

This was what fun is. You were having so much fun with your family and this is where you belong. You felt safe, welcomed, and loved whenever you were with these people. Nothing but laughs, screams, horse playing, and you and eren rolling around in paint while trying to get one another was heard throughout the room. You felt so much has shifted just from these last few hours and you were right because now you and eren were saying bye to everyone after spending two hours in the splatter room.

You waved to your friends out the window, smiling your usual smile without you, yourself, noticing that your actual smile was back, yet they did. They noticed and couldn’t help but to wave back, “ See you all and thank you all for being with me today, I really appreciated this so much, love you all and goodnight.”

Mikasa made a little phone gesture to remind you to call her after today with Eren as he pulled off with his hand placed on your thigh. He was already driving with one hand and looked so damn good while doing it. The tattoos that painted his arms were so intriguing to you. One arm was a full sleeve with faces of his mother and flowers surrounding her trailing all the way down to his wrist. The other one was a half sleeve filled with meanful drawings and a spider tattoo on the inside of his forearm. His hair was still down with a swoop of hair behind his ear, blunt behind his ear to hold it in place.

He was cruising to calling on you by Jon b with the stars above you on the car roof and in the sky. You had an amazing time today, but would this be considered a dat-. Eren chuckled, “ not yet, this is the pre- first date, princess. Did you have fun today?” Yes, you were mumbling to yourself.

You covered your mouth, yawning into your hand. “ Yeah I had so much fun today, I literally forgot about college until I realized we’re driving back to my dorm. I was also thinking about what you were gonna say earlier today in the back of my mind, do you mind repeating it?” Eren looked over at you— suddenly whipping the car into a parking space in the Saint Smith avenue park lot with the abandoned cvs on the street of Paradise.

The roar of his engine died down as he cut off his car, looking over at you, “ I was going to say I love you, {reader}. There’s not a day in life where I can not stop thinking about you. Every time you came into that class, I wondered what perfume you were going to wear, what clothes you were going to wear, what hairstyle you were going to do, your natural hair or the other hairstyles you wore. I also wondered about what lip gloss you’ll bring, seeing you clearly have a preference for { your favorite lipgloss/lip balm/ carmex} instead. I paid attention to what pen or pencil you would write with, don’t even get me started on most things I’ve been noticing about you ever since I met you in 8th grade. I fucking love you and could not imagine my life with { reader’s first and last name}. I tried that shit for three days and did not like it at all.”

You were in awe at his confession and was about to say your own, but he spoke again, “ Can I kiss you?” You nodded your head in a meek manner to his question, “ Yes, you can, Ren’.” He smiled as he pulled you into a slow kiss with his hand on the side of your cheek. His lips felt like warm marshmallows on your own soft { favorite lip material }. He loved the taste of the flavor you had on your pretty plump lips. Your apple cheeks may be his second favorite feature on your body. Your stomach was his second after your eyes. Eyes were so important to Eren, he couldn’t explain it but whenever he looked into yours, he escaped to another place where he’s free of everything but you. That was a perfect world to him.

Your tongues moved against each other like two bodies covered in honey. You savored the taste of eren in your mouth as your tongues swirled with one another. You felt like you were about to suffocate from the lightness your head was feeling right now. The kiss was beautiful to you as you both took your time exploring each other's mouths. You heard his seat belt unbuckle prior to getting a tap on your thigh after he broke the kiss with your saliva disconnecting with the kiss, “ Get in the back, I wanna eat your pussy baby, I can’t take it and need to taste you. And you’re gonna taste how you look, I already know that, that’s for sure. But before that, may I eat your pussy, my pretty butterfly?”

Your pussy got wet just off the deep tone of his voice alone and the words he was using was the icing on the cake, so you spoke in a low voice, “ Yes, E’. Please eat my pussy, I need your tongue inside of me so bad right now.” Eren smiled as you finished your statement, “ Good, hope you’re ready baby, now go.”

You took off your seat belt before slowly climbing to the back trying not to knock over or break anything. You laid down as soon as your body sat down on his back seats— sliding down/ taking off whatever bottom wear you had on, leaving yourself in your panties.

Eren eyes were trailing from your head and down to your thighs and pretty chubby feet. He was so in love with you and your chubby body. He always had a thing for you and he was about to show you right now.

Eren paused his movement, reaching in his middle compartment grabbing a packet out of there. He turned away from you while you stared at him in wonder of what he’s doing. After a minute or so, he turned around with a devilish smile on his face, “ Ready?” You nodded at him and watched as he opened his door just to come to the backseat of the car where your feet were at.

When he opened it, the breeze dancing along your pussy was wonderful. He told you to sit up against the door of the car and you did just that. All the while, he was watching your every move like a mantis watching its prey, Eren stuck out his tongue— tapping his index and middle finger on his stud tongue ring he got three months ago.

Laying on his stomach with his face in between your legs; Eren kissed your inner thighs with tender touches to them, he was whispering to himself— “ God, you’re so damn beautiful. I wanna stay down here forever.” Your big thighs were crowding around his head as you peered down at him in lust, “ Come on, E’. Stop teasing please.”

Eren placed two more wet kisses to your upper inner thighs— laying his head on your right thigh afterwards during which he lays his eyes upon you with a low gaze and small smirk tracing along his lips, “ don’t be impatient baby, a man gotta admire and appreciate a special piece of art in front of him right now. This is a special edition because I get to touch this, like this. Eren proceeds to place both arms under and around your thighs bringing his entire face to your wet, soaked pussy leaking through your panties. He breathed in your scent and almost moaned at the thought of him tasting and fucking into this glorious pussy.

He kept eye contact with you as he placed three big smooches on the outline of your fat pussy against the fabric of your soaked panties. He smiled at your body shuddering underneath his arms whilst looking around to see if anyone is looking at him and you in the back of his white BMW X5 truck. You could almost taste the smell of this new car and you hate that this is about your second time riding in this since he never brought it out until now and the other time he picked you up to go get food.

You didn’t know what it was but when he placed his thumbs underneath your fupa lifting it a bit with his hand prior to lifting his head up higher to bite the band of your panties to pull them down— his pretty white teeth showing perfectly— you caught butterflies in your stomach, clit twitching in anticipation at this action. He slipped them off and put them into his front seat back pockets. He was gonna try to have a collection of your panties in his car and dorm. When summertime comes, he’ll keep some in his house. That’s how much he plans on fucking you.

Meanwhile, You couldn’t even think right now when he was just staring at your pussy on full display in front of him. It was like he was trying to take a photographic memory in his mind and keep it there. With Eren, it wouldn’t be so much of a surprise if he did. He stuck out his long, hot tongue licking the opening of your inner labia. You whimpered at the feeling of his warm tongue in your pussy and when he heard that he had no choice but to keep flicking his tongue up and down your pussy in complete desperation. His moans were audible as he flicked his tongue— making little mmm noises as he licked around your pussy. The feeling of his tongue tracing your pussy lips were astonishing, he was admiring you even with his tongue.

You grippped his hair, pushing it to the side to really see his face, “ Ahh fuck, Eren. Make this pussy cum, Mmgh.” Eren put more pressure into eating you out as his tongue was now moving in circles. As he was slurping up his spit and your juices, he placed two hands on the back of your thighs—slightly lifting them up to make your pussy even more fatter and seen. Eren loved the taste of your pussy in his mouth, he pulled away to catch a breath, “ shit! Your pussy is a fucking ocean right now. Don’t cum until I say you can, okay princess?”

You didn’t hear anything he said, especially when you felt a dripping liquid plant itself on your pussy, it was his spit and you wanted him to do it again, “ ple..please, do that again, E’.” Eren took his mouth off your pussy, slowly spitting on your pussy. You moaned at the feeling of his spit hitting your clit and at the way he looked right now, “ Fuck! you look so pretty doing that Eren, please continue.” You honestly forgot that you two were in public because this was the greasiest you ever felt, you could only imagine how his dick gonna taste and feel like.

Eren quickly went back to creating zig zag motions with his tongue. He felt your pussy opening and closing and knew he had to add his fingers in, so he did add two fingers in making you gasp with your eyes rolling to the back of your head. He watched as you bit your lips with a loud hmm moan, God!, were you perfect right now, “ You like that huh? You like when I put two fingers inside this slippery pussy, fucking hell {reader}, can’t wait until I fuck you.” Eren’s tongue moved quickly over your clit as he spoke so whatever he said was muffled a little bit but you could still pinpoint what he was saying.

Your moans were getting louder as he twisted his hand to have his fingers twist and curl up inside you just right. Spit and pussy juice dripped down your pussy and Eren’s face was like a thirsty person spilling water on them as they were drinking it on a hot sunny day. You both were enjoying yourself at this moment that you didn’t realize your big thighs were clamped around his head at the same time as your hands gripping Eren’s hair in a tight ponytail form, he was for sure going to have a headache tomorrow. Your moans were so pretty coming out your mouth, “ Fuck, fuck, fuck, M’cummin ren’! Let me cum! Let me cumm…. Pleasee fuck~” the word “fuck” was dragged out long because of him sucking on your clit while his hands sped up even more making wet squelch sounds as he moved in and out of you.

Eren nodded his head at your demand, letting you tighten and untighten around his thick fingers inside of your wet cunt. He felt like he was gonna suffocate from the way you tighten your thighs around his head, but hey that’ll be a good way to go out in his book. Luckily, your legs went limp on the side of his body. One leg against the seat and the other hanging off the seat with your feet on the car floor. Your screams were loud and your body shook underneath him, cream was cummin out of your pussy and onto his fingers. Eren’s shirt at the top was covered in sweat and juice from your pussy.

Eren watched with hooded eyes at your body calming down,” That’s it, cum for me, pretty girl. You’ve done such a good job containing yourself from cummin.” He leaned down to lick his fingers before licking around your hole opening and closing. “ Mmgh, stop before I squirt, you had enough~.”, you screamed the last part, dragging the word out as your pussy was now squirting in his face. He did it on purpose because he flicked your clit with his finger, “ Ahhh, ren’, Ren’ stop, fucking dick.” Eren laughed at your reaction as your pussy was squirting back at him in response to him flicking your clit playfully. He stopped on your command though.

Afterwards, Eren helped slip { your bottom clothing gear of your choice} on without panties this time. He took off his shirt showing his 8 pack, chest tattoos, and full arm tattoos. His body was sculpted to the max. Meanwhile your body was tired and you couldn’t even push the bottom half of your body up when he put back on your clothes. Eren took his shirt and whipped his car seats off, throwing the shirt in the trunk afterwards. You let out a tired sigh and he chuckled at that, “ You wanna get a 30 minute rest and just stay like this.” Eren kissed your nose and your forehead, looking you in your eyes after that.

You nodded and kissed his lips, “ I just need a pillow for my back, but I don’t think you have th- oh you do.” He grabbed the pillow from his trunk as soon as you said you didn’t think he had one, “ Let me guess, you got a cover too.” You pleaded the pillow behind your back and got comfortable, well tried to. Eren laid on your stomach with his hair covering his face, nodding his head at your comment, “ Yeah.”

You took the black scrunchie off your right hand, tied his hair up in a high bun, placed a kiss on his forehead afterwards, “ I love you, now close the door and get some rest with me.” Eren got up again to close the door. He reclined the backseats back a little— laying back down on your stomach with his body between your legs. “ I love you too, my sweet doll. Get some rest, babe.” You yawned and dozed off to la la land after the good session you had. He was finally yours as you were his.

Tagging: @dejwrites @privateparty3 @simpingfor-wakasa @happygoluckyalexis @mastermindenoshimaalicia and many more who wants to be tagged

#aot smut #aot fluff #attack on titan smut #eren yeager fluff #eren yeager x fem reader #eren yeager x reader #eren yeager smut #anime smut #anime men x reader #fem reader #black reader #x black reader #aot x black reader #fluff #chubby reader #anime x black!reader #attack on titan fluff

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the-traveling-poet · 8 months

Note

Hi , I just hope you accept my request " Eren x reader" s4 the table scene , he said how much he hated Mikasa and turned to y/n and hurt her by words , what if he asked to talk her alone to hurt her more and she said she regret her feelings for him , and he got softened

Regret

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Amidst the chaos surrounding both Paradis and Marley, Y/N finds herself stuck between a rock and a hard place.

While staying close to her childhood friends Mikasa and Armin, Y/N is forced to come face to face with the man she’d grown to love for the first time in months. His departure had hit her the hardest of them all, but still she kept her chin held high.

Will she be able to rid herself of her feelings for Yaeger before it’s too late for her? Or will she succumb to her grief…

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Pairing: Eren x reader

Warnings: Angst. Pure angst. Literally just pain. Language. Spoilers for S4 if you haven’t read/watched it yet.

Angst, depression, betrayal, S4

Taglist: @21aurora

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A/N: Ofc anon! This one seriously hurt to write T-T

I’m sorry this took me forever to publish!

As always if this isn’t to your expectations I’ll re-write it how you want!

Enjoy~🤎

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What had just been a moment of relative relaxation, quickly turned to one of panic.

One minute, you’d watched as Jean and Connie bickered over a bottle of wine in one of the MP’s cabinets, while Commander Hange spoke quietly with the Braus family before aiding Jean in cleaning off a ‘poisoned’ a young Marlian boy, Falco.

But the moment Niccolo lunged for the young Marlian girl, Gabi, shit hit the ceiling. The Braus’s adopted daughter lunged for the girl, screaming and crying out obscenities. You watched on helplessly as Niccolo took a swipe at Gabi, having only just learned of the girl’s murder back in Marley.

Sasha…poor Sasha. The memory of her death still haunted you every night you slept. To see her murderer, a young girl, standing before you uncharged and free of imprisonment…It hurt. But she was a child, you knew. A poor, brainwashed child.

Before you could even attempt to take action and aid the situation, the door behind you creaked open. Looking over your shoulder, you spotted Floch and his ‘followers’; a mix of MPs and what was left of the Scouting Regime soldiers.

By the time Hange and Jean returned to the dining room, you and Onyankopon were already being held at gunpoint.

“What’s wrong?” Hange asked in haste when she heard a muffled yelp from Onyankopon, but froze at the scene before them.

“Commander Hange,” Floch greeted coolly, ignoring your persistent glare. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Floch lowered the gun aimed at your head, and turned to Hange. “I imagine you know where Zeke’s at…We’ll have you take us there.”

You were only a second away from opening your mouth to retort his absurd statement, when Armin’s startled yelp from the adjacent room made your blood run cold.

“Ere-“

Eren…

Without giving it a second though, you raced to the side of the room towards the doors, paying no mind to the soldiers who held guns to your back. You had to go. You had to see him…

“Let her,” Floch’s airy tone caught you off guard, making you pause with your hand on the door handle.

“He’s expecting her presence too, you know.”

The guards lowered their guns from your back, and you took this moment to race through the double doors.

Behind you, you faintly registered a sinister chuckle coming from Floch, but you ignored him in your haste.

You slammed the door behind you quickly, and took a look around the nearly vacant room. And there he stood; just before you at the head of a round table in the very center of the room.

Armin and Mikasa sat with their hands placed palm down on the table cloth, eyes wide and shoulders stiff. Gabi was with them, tense and shaking in utter fear. You visually checked them over for any sign of injury, and when you found none and relaxed. But only slightly. You took your eyes off of your comrades, only for your eyes to suddenly met his.

Eren gave you no sign of emotion as he looked into your eyes from across the room. If anything, he looked bothered. His hair was slightly disheveled, and his clothes worn. But the look of indifference on his face only made his overall appearance look more menacing.

“Y/N, you’re here. Please, take a seat.” He spoke in a low tone while pulling out the chair he stood behind with gestured for you to take it. Taking a shaky breath, you decided to follow his ‘request’ and strode forward to accepted the seat.

“Eren-“ you began, but he cut you off.

“Hands on the table, and don’t remove them.” He shoved your chair into place, and swept his gaze across the four of you.

Despite his glare, you thought he looked…Weary. Sad, perhaps.

After a long pause, he broke the silence suffocating the room.

“As I said; I wanted to talk, with you guys.”

You remained silent and still in your seat, your fists clenching at the table cloth when you noticed the gash formed across his palm.

A warning to you all.

“Conflict isn’t necessary to solve Eldia’s problems.”

Behind you, a grandfather clock ticked against the wall for every silent second that passed his statement, setting you on edge.

“Eren, we’re the ones who wanted to talk.” Armin spoke up, his gaze sharp and focused. “What made you attack Marley all on your own? Did Zeke and Yelena really talk you into joining them?”

The question had been nagging at you for some time as well, but for now you remained silent.

“I am free,” Eren stated solemnly. “The things I do and choices I make are all decided by my own free will.”

“No…No, you are being manipulated!” Mikasa suddenly grit out, leaning over the table and standing up. “You wouldn’t have involved the lives of children and innocents, even if they were enemies!”

Eren kept silent, merely listening to her outburst. But before he could respond to Mikasa’s allegations, you found it within yourself to finally speak up as well.

“Eren, I know you care about us. More than anyone!”

You stood up from the table, removing your hands from the table to place them onto Eren’s broad shoulders.

“Don’t you?! The reason you saved Mikasa…Armin…Me…You love u-“

“I said to keep your hands on the table, now do it,” Eren cut you off with a harsh glare, switching gazes between you and Mikasa. Mikasa slumped back down into her chair in defeat, clutching at her scarf. But you remained standing, tightening your grip on his shoulders.

“Eren please, why won’t you stop this?!” You cried out.

“I said, sit.” Eren spat back through clenched teeth, forcibly removing your hands from his shoulders.

A pang of hurt shot through your heart, making your chest feel heavy. Furrowing you’re brow, you reluctantly sat and placed your hands back onto the table.

Once you were all sat and silent, Eren continued.

“I spoke with Zeke in Liberio; brother to brother. Zeke knows more about titans than even Marley as a whole.”

He paused, turning his attention to Armin.

“Armin, aren’t you still visiting Annie? Do you think that’s if your own free will?”

Armin froze, his eyes blown wide.

“If memories are what shape people, a part of you is Bertholdt now. Within you is an enemy with feelings for another enemy. Armin, Bertholdt has gotten into your head.”

Armin sat in shocked silence, staring blankly back at Eren. You took this moment to make a decision.

For better or for worse, you had to try…

“Then what does throat make me, Eren?”

Eren turned to look at you, raising a brow. He seemed to not have expected you to speak up again so soon, if at all. But curiosity got the better of him, and he gave you room to speak. So you continued.

“You dare accuse Armin for being lost to memories of another, for falling for another that. is the enemy. So what does that make me, huh? Am I now an enemy, too?” You spoke quickly, feeling a need to get it all out.

After all these years…

“What are you talking about, Y/N?” He drawled out. “You have no part in this conversation. You are Eldian and not a shifter. You know what I’m saying doesn’t apply to you.”

“Oh, but doesn’t it? Don’t my feelings for you count for anything? You cant call Armin an enemy without accusing me as well!” You cried out, taking a stand once more.

Eren’s eyes widened; it seemed he wasn’t expecting this. “Y/N…I-“

Mikasa cut him off this time with a hell, not minding his sudden glare on her for interrupting.

“Eren, what could you possibly be sayin-“

“The Ackermans, too.” Eren scoffed, now standing as well beside you. “The Ackermans were intentionally designed to protect Eldia’s king. Back then, when faced with life and death you heeded my order; Fight.”

“No…Protecting you was not a mistake…” Mikasa whispered, fear in her shaky eyes.

“It was because of you I became strong, Eren!”

“No, Mikasa. Your family was made to forget who they are and love only to protect. You are slaves.” Eren scowled, his eyes narrowed dangerously. Their conflict gave you a headache, but you knew better than to speak up just yet.

“Eren, enough!” Armin suddenly called out, taking a stand with the rest of you.

“Do you know what I hate more than anyone?Any of you?” Eren continued on, ignoring his friend. “Those who are not free. They’re just like livestock.”

“Eren!” you yelled, filled with a sudden rage. Rage fueled by grief.

This wasn’t the boy you’d grown up with. Fought beside. Come to love so deeply…

Eren snapped his gaze to you, his glare deepening. “Just seeing you has always pissed me off so much, Y/N. And now I finally understand why; I can’t stand the sight of a slave who obeys orders without question.”

His cold statement made you gasp and stumble back a step. Hurt flooded through you, but you fought off your tears for now.

“You don’t mean that…”

“Ever since we were little…I’ve hated you.”

Everything around you became white noise as you stared on in horrified silence, your mouth agape with all the words you wished to say. And yet nothing came of it.

Faintly you registered Armin leaping across the table towards Eren, fists raised and teeth clenched. Words were exchanged, but you heard none of them. Like Gabi, you remained frozen in your spot.

Mikasa lunged forward to stop Armin, only to freeze in fear as she recognized what Ered had said about the Ackermans might just be true. Armin was pinned to the table by Eren’s strong grip, shouting over his shoulder to the man above him.

The moment Eren threw Armin across the room, you finally snapped and regained your ability to speak.

“Eren!” you screamed.

Immediately Eren held still, his back to you but his head turned to silently acknowledge your voice.

“Stop this! What have you done?” You shouted. Your voice shook as well as your hands with every word you uttered, but you knew you had to keep going. Or else you’d never get another chance.

Deep down, you knew this is how it had to be.

“You belittle Mikasa…manhandle Armin…hate me…And for what? What is it you truly want from us?”

Eren turned to face you, his emotions hidden behind his cold facade. But he let you speak. Let you say the things you both knew, deep down, you had both longed to say for years.

“You can hate me all you want. You can hate all of us, all you want. But don’t you dare for a moment accuse us of anything but loyalty. We love you, Eren. I love you. You know that, I know you do!” You cried out in earnest, tears finally escaping your eyes no matter how hard you fought them.

“I’ve always loved you. I’ve tried, time and time again, to show you this. And for everything I’ve ever done…How could you?”

With that final whisper, you turned your back to him and crossed your arms around your sides. Looking for any form of comfort.

“Y/N…You know I-“ Eren started to speak, his tone much softer now. Though you couldn’t see it, he was fighting tears himself. But he refused to let anyone notice how he wiped them away.

“No. Just, fucking don’t.” You stated softly. “Figure out this mess with the war. Do what you must. But please…Please understand us…”

Just then, a couple MP’s burst through the door, demanding to know what the noise was about.

“I’m fine,” Eren reassured them, his voice hollow. “Go back to Floch. I’ll join up soon.”

Once they hesitantly left, you finally turned in your heel and gave Eren one last pleading look.

“Figure this out, Eren. Figure this out for us.”

With that you turned to leave the room. To leave your companions and to leave your love. But just before you twisted the door handle to rejoin Commander Hange and the others, you looked over your shoulder and made direct eye contact with Eren.

“And just know…Despite everything that happened in the past… Despite what happened here in this room…Just know I still love you. I’m scared that I always will.”

With that you left, not seeing the way Eren’s emotions finally pushed through his facade and showed on his face. The way he reached out his hand to stop you leaving, despite the physical distance between the two of you.

You never would know, just as he would never forget the way what was left of his heart shattered in his chest that day.

#eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger x y/n #eren jaeger x you #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #attack on titan #snk #aot #aot x y/n #aot x you #aot season 4 #aot spoilers #eren jaeger angst #aot angst #snk angst

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seeingivy · 10 months

Text

sick with sadness

actor eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting fic

content: mentions of depression/anxiety, getting taken advantage of, pure sadness NO happy in this chapter

an: I am alive. I am convinced I have some underlying chronic disease or illness going on with the way the past three weeks have gone, but I am alive. we are all going to close our eyes and read this chapter and then move on.

previous chapter

Eren’s tenth birthday is the first time he feels it.

He sits on the spiral staircase to watch the crowd roar on outside, well past the normal time he’d be asleep. He can feel the tiredness sitting in his eyes, the stuffy, starched suit his mom forced him to wear digging into his neck. There’s a mix of blue, green, and yellow confetti littered on the floor, a sticky grime to the usual pristine house his mom’s meticulousness affords - and he hates it.

From his vantage point, he can see every corner of the party, the expansive glass doors letting him catch every person laughing, enjoying, swinging to the beat of the music. Armin and Bertholdt are pouring salt into Historia and Annie’s drinks while they use the bathroom, Sasha and Jean are being way too aggressive with the pinata, and Mikasa’s braiding a little flower crown for a very smiley Marco.

His parents' friends, people whose movies he’s spent years watching when he grew up, studied when he was at the SHWA are on the right side of the lot, sparkling dresses getting ruined by the mud in the backyard and their expensive jewelry discarded on the tables.

And all Eren can do is watch. Whatever it is, the block in his chest, that’s stopping the breath from reaching his lungs - it’s gluing him down to the seat, making every part of his brain feel heavy and his arms feel loose.

If souls were real, his would be hundreds, thousands of miles away - detached from his real body.

He hears a loud pounding and turns his neck to find Ymir and Reiner poking the little aquarium to the left of the staircase. The fish he picked out with Zeke on his last birthday, the picture perfect day of quiet solitude, are frantically swimming around the tank.

He watches the two of them, their inquisitive eyes laughing as the fish duck around the tank after each respective smack. The lights flicker every time Ymir pounds her closed fist against the glass, the sound so loud that it smacks against the wall behind it.

And suddenly, the sound, that sound, is all too loud, so jarring that before he knows it there’s thick tears pouring out of his eyes and his voice is getting all tangled in his chest. He’s not sure how he got there, but suddenly he’s standing up, freed from the stairs, and yelling at the two of them.

“Stop smacking against the glass, Ymir! They don’t like that.”

Ymir looks over, a confused and almost bored look on her face. Reiner's eyes, he's so puzzled, only make his skin burn more. Reiner’s looking at him like there’s something wrong with him.

Is there something wrong with him?

“It’s just a fish, Eren. They don’t even care.” Ymir says, bending back over to focus her eyes on the glass.

“They do care! Every time you punch the glass they swim away because they’re scared.” Eren says, his chest heaving too hard, his mind not catching fast enough to stop it.

Reiner and Ymir shrug as they walk away, the two of them giving Eren pitchy awkward smiles as they each squeeze his shoulder once. And when they’re finally out of their vantage point, the tears are only hotter, faster, scalding hot as he stares at the fish in their little cave, instead of swimming freely in the tank.

The fish, long gone, are always what come back to Eren when the feeling returns.

When the sadness takes residence in his chest.

“Sorry…line?” Eren says, giving an awkward smile to the director as he turns his neck to the right.

The director, David Lance, rolls his eyes as he cuts filming on the scene, very aggressively calling for lunch. Eren feels his throat sink into his chest, the regret settling in regardless, as he watches him angrily storm off, the cast and the crew awkwardly shuffle behind him.

He should have spent longer memorizing his lines. Or at least reviewed them this morning. Eren shuffles his feet to the coffee cart as he starts apologizing to the cast and crew, who are all but kind to him about his performance. Truly, his only saving grace in the personal hell that he’s living in.

Deep down, Eren knew that whatever he worked on next, wod never compare to the work that he did on Attack on Titan. Getting to work with his biggest role models, all of the people he grew up with, the girl he was in love with right across the door from him - it was virtually impossible for anything to shape up.

He just didn’t realize it would be this fucking bleak on the other side.

The plot of Satellite Port is mediocre at best. Another cheesy astronaut movie, clearly trying to catapult off the success of the feature film that won best picture last year. A half-assed director - who can’t even fucking direct - and maybe the stupidest dialogue he’s ever seen in his life.

Eren’s a good actor. But even he can’t fix this.

And he’s had enough when he hears an irritated sigh behind him and turns around to find Gianna de Anola, his prissy co-star, glaring at him. An ice-cold supermodel, Gianna’s making her break onto the acting front, trying to fall in the footsteps of her world-famous triple threat mother.

“You know, maybe if you didn’t stay up jerking off, we’d actually be able to finish this movie on time.” she says, slouching down in her chair as her assistant brings her lunch to her side.

If Eren could, he’s strangle her assistant every time he walked over. And then her for good measure too.

“I wasn’t jerking off.” Eren mutters, grabbing his script from the table as he flips to the end of the pages. His lines are all highlighted and he can feel his frustration growing even deeper as he remembers he spent two hours doing this scene yesterday.

“You want to know something embarrassing, Eren?” Gianna says, twisting the straw in her soda can with her perfectly manicured fingers.

From the look on her face, Eren already knows. She’s going to say something that’s going to ruin his whole day.

“Please, Gianna. I’m dying of fucking curiosity over here.”

“You spend all your time watching your little pop-star girlfriend perform on her world tour. You wake up at the ass crack of dawn, sacrifice the movie you’re working on, probably text her good luck before every show of hers and I’ll give you twenty bucks she won’t even come to your premiere.”

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Eren drops his script on to his lap, his ears burning with irritation, at idiots like Gianna. The picture perfect image of nepotism.

Eren’s not trying to be hypocritical. He knows that his parents are famous actors, his brothers at the top of the industry, which sets him out to be a premier face in the industry. But Gianna is a whole different breed.

Because Eren’s trying. He- he has a reason for wanting to do this. There’s a difference between him and her.

There’s a part of him, deep down, that’s enthralled with the job he gets to do. That encourages, cherishes, deeply acknowledges that what he gets to do is a privilege.

Eren is making art. He gets to tell stories about people's lives and take every broken part of him and make it into something great. He can pour every negative, disgusting, boring, happy, ecstatic moment he’s ever had into a scene to make it something better.

Have someone watching his work at home feel seen, have their chest stir and their eyes water because someone out there feels the same thing he does. Make people feel nostalgic, excited, sad - to feel the feelings with him. To be with him from the beginning of the story till the end, to be excited about what he has to say and what he has to do.

Eren’s parents are famous. And by definition, so is he. But there’s a part of him, deep down, that wants to prove himself. Show that he has feelings, emotions, something to share with people that’s true, authentic - and not just because it was what he was meant to do.

And he knows that’s not the case here.

She’s a specific type. Part of the clear cut, mindless army of people with famous parents - living, thriving off what gets them attention next. It makes Eren sick, makes his stomach turn over in circles and circles until he’s churning with anger. So angry, so negative that it makes his skin itch like he’s covered in dirt.

He looks over at Gianna, a smirk pressed on her perfectly airbrushed face from the makeup team, and he can’t help but feel the burning in his chest sink lower and lower until it’s replaced with ice cold. A hollow wind, rustling through trees.

It’s because he knows Gianna is right. And that if an idiot like her can catch onto it, it won’t be fast until everyone else follows, until he’s the radio clown in the papers next week.

Because despite your best efforts, Eren knows deep down that she’s right.

You won’t be coming to his premiere. You’re above it.

Eren swirls the fizzy drink in his hand as he leans against the wall, eyes focused on every person and almost no one in the room at the same time. And he’s trying to push that feeling down, the block in his chest, as he tries to memorize all the faces here, everyone celebrating in front of him.

He’ll remember this moment as the sweetest one. When he can finally say goodbye to this godforsaken movie. He feels a smack on his shoulder and a sudden flash in his eyes, all his senses bombarded all of a sudden.

“TMZ! TMZ! TMZ!”

“Connie. Would it kill you to be quiet for maybe like five minutes?” Jean mutters, rolling his eyes as he shoves Connie to the side.

Eren finds Connie, Jean, Armin, and Marco in his periphery, the three of them smiling big at him. Connie and Jean have clearly already had too much to drink - from the way their ties are loosened against their necks and the pink tints on their cheeks.

And from the way they’re currently trying to wrestle each other at his wrap party.

“Do you ever think about that? Armin is literally like paparazzi with that fucking polaroid camera. He’s been a little bitch like that since he was fifteen.” Connie says, squishing Armin’s cheek, as Armin frantically tries to swat him off.

“Like you’re any better, Connie. You’ve been doing the same thing to Eren and Y/N since like the first day of filming.” Marco responds, taking the spot next to Eren, giving him a smile.

“See but. That was me helping a brother get it. I got so tired of seeing his little horny, wimpy eyes I just had to help him out.” Connie responds, snickering with Jean.

“Oh my god. Connie look, it’s that girl from Death Note.” Eren says, pointing in an ambiguous mention.

Connie’s so frazzled by the mere mention of her - and the alcohol in his system surely can’t help - that he’s dragging Jean to the other side of the room where Eren pointed, the two of them creating a mess of knocking things over as he leaves.

In another life, and probably in this one too, Eren thinks that Connie was raised in a barn.

Armin and Marco lean against the wall with Eren, the three of them staring across the room together now. After six months of pure torture - the most irritating director known to man, the biggest diva as his co-star, and the sweltering heat of Tampa, Florida - Eren’s finally been freed from the godforsaken Satellite Port movie.

The day he’s been looking forward to, since he started all this, is finally at his front door and he can’t be more than relieved. He gets to hear the ratings for the movie at the end of the party, celebrate with his friends, and finally see you after seven months.

And stick it to Gianna di Anola’s face that you still love him. Granted, she doesn’t know that you two are actually dating or that you even love each other - no one does besides your friends - but he can still have the satisfaction. Of imaging her stupid face pursed up in irritation at being wrong. That he has something she doesn’t.

“Can I say something you potentially might not like?” Armin says, tucking the polaroid he just took - the tops of Connie and Jean’s eyes and a very confused looking Eren in the back - into his coat as he leans back.

“Sure.” Eren responds.

“I really hate your co-star. She- she’s so annoying.” Armin responds, sighing.

Eren laughs as he pats Armin on the shoulder, amused that Armin thought something like that could offend him.

“Imagine working with her for six months.” Eren deadpans, eliciting laughs from both Armin and Marco.

The feeling - the overwhelming, all consuming wave of panic - is subsiding in his chest as Marco laughs at his side, the three of them nitpicking everyone in the room to pass the time. No one’s safe from the three of them - every stuck up friend of Gianna’s, the coattail hanging out of David’s outfit, and the godforsaken designer - they're not safe from the three of them

“David Lance has a stick up his ass and that’s what he used to write that dogshit script.” Eren says, his face hurting from smiling.

“And the best part? Gianna di Anola thinks the script is amazing because she can’t even read it.”

Armin, Marco, and Eren turn their heads to find Sukuna at their side, a devious smirk pressed onto his lips. They all laugh as Sukuna slides against the wall next to Eren, taking the glass from his hands, and downing the last of the liquid. He makes a weird face as he swallows, turning to Eren.

“Are you drinking apple cider?”

“I don’t like to drink.” Eren responds.

Sukuna gives him a polite nod before rolling his eyes, his glare focused toward the front door. Hyla Clarkson - the girl that Sukuna has publicly been feuding with for the past few months - just entered, pressing kisses to Gianna and her family.

All he knows is that if he tallied up every time Hyla and Sukuna argued and fought, she would win - by a longshot. Sukuna’s still blacklisted from getting hired by certain studios - a fact he only knows because he only ever took Satellite Port because Sukuna was supposed to be there with him. It was a rude surprise when he showed up and got left to fend for himself.

“So are you on again or off again?” Armin asks.

“On. But- I. I don’t know - they’ve got this way of sucking you in.” he responds.

“Wasn’t she dating that model last week? What’s his name again, something-” Marco starts.

“No. You know how tabloids are, they-they’re always on some shit.” Sukuna responds.

Eren puts a hand on Sukuna’s shoulder and squeezes, pushing even further.

“So did they photoshop that picture of them kissing or-?” Eren says, a teasing tone in his voice.

“She was just trying to piss me off, it-it’s all part of the chase. Plus, you should know of all people, Eren. You’re telling me everything that the tabloids write about Ricky and Y/N is true?”

Eren lets go, his throat dry at the mention of it. He can feel his knuckles turning white against the empty glass Sukuna handed back to him, Marco and Armin finishing off the conversation for him. Eren’s too busy seeing red to even pay attention, at the thought of Ricky James.

Eren's never met Ricky James. But he knows far too much. He’s read every Wikipedia page, scoured every tabloid, fan page, supporting comment, Reddit thread about him.

One of the worst parts of being famous? People can comment, theorize, and speculate about every aspect of your life. Even worse? That there’s a breadth of information to pit yourself against, to pinpoint all the perfections and none of the flaws for his self-imagined competition.

And Eren hates to think that way, to take the words of teenage girls and tabloid writers to heart, but there’s a small part of him that feels sick from the entire ordeal. Because everyone thinks Ricky James is better for you than him.

He’s a twenty year old singer-songwriter from a small town in New York, who's recently been breaking into the acting scene. Like you, he’s one of the few premiere actors who has pulled in the industry who doesn’t come from a famous family. And like you, he’s charming and mesmerizing - beloved by the people.

And ever since you both got cast in Little Women together - him as Laurie and you as Amy - and the press tours started all people can do is talk. And Eren, every self-preservationist thread of him gone - can only listen. Watch fans edit videos of you two being cute together for ten minutes, listen to podcasts where the two of you gush about each other's talents, see that Ricky was able to get time off in his schedule to go to your tour when Eren was stuck on Satellite Port.

It fills him with rage. And it makes him feel less than. And every time Eren tries to shut the voice in him down, to convince himself that it’s not true and that you’re still at your best, he comes out short. Granted, a personal affliction for negative thoughts is easier to shut out. To convince himself that he’s making it up. Seventy thousand people affirming his worst fears makes it harder.

“Wasn’t it their fault you got fired from the ensemble of Last Voyage? And Satellite Port?” Armin asks, remembering the tabloid blast from the past few months.

“Yeah, well not her but the people around her. Her dad especially - they have so much pull, it’s insane. And-and they play mind games and shit, I couldn’t even tell you the half of it. It’s-”

Right on cue, Hyla walks up to the four of them, a sickly sweet smile on her face. She’s wearing a long, willowing green gown and watches her stick her hand out for Sukuna. And Eren’s floored when he watches Sukuna purse his lip and give a polite excuse me as she whisks him away, leaving the three of them on the wall.

Armin gets pulled off the wall by Connie and Jean who have returned with Misa, who is apparently a really big fan of Armin’s. And by how pink Connie is, giggling like there’s no tomorrow, Eren knows it's better to stay away from him to avoid any chance of second hand embarrassment.

“I always miss this.” Marco says, a soft smile on his face.

“Connie being a dumbass?” Eren asks..

“I mean, not particularly that, but all of us being together. It feels weird to be so far away from everyone when we’re all doing things so different.” Marco responds.

Eren knows Marco far too well to be doing this.

“Quit trying to psychoanalyze me, Marco.” Eren asks, narrowing his eyes at him.

“That’s my job.”

Eren and Marco turn their necks to find Historia in a pale blue dress, a soft smile on her face. They both rush forward and immediately wrap their arms around her, both taking a second to press a kiss to her cheek.

“So what are we psychoanalyzing Eren about, Marco?” Historia asks, the two of them giving teasing smiles.

“Nothing. We’re not psychoanalyzing me about anything. I’m fine.”

“Y/N. Ricky James. Everyone being so far away, but her specifically.” Marco responds.

Historia pinches her mouth into a straight line, the look in her eyes making Eren feel like a scolded child. If it was a different person, Eren would feel pitied. By both of them. But he knows them both far too well to know they’re the few people in his arsenal who would fight for him.

“Ricky James. Huh? Seems like an asshole a little bit.” Historia states, swiping two ice cream cups off the tray. She hands the extra to Eren, leaning towards Marco as they share the other.

“You’re just saying that because you feel loyalty to me, Hisu. I’m sure he’s a nice guy and Y/N seems to like him.” Eren responds, his chest feeling like an anvil all of a sudden.

Historia frowns as she turns to his side, her eyebrows knit together in frustration.

“Yeah. I don’t like him because I feel loyalty to you, Eren. But I also don’t like him because he was friends with John.”

Marco and Eren both clear their throats and swallow hard at the mention, the regret sitting in Eren’s chest for even saying that in the first place. On instinct, Eren wraps his arm around Historia’s shoulder, Marco following suit as they both rest their heads against hers. She sighs at the touch, squeezing both of their shoulders in response.

Mentioning John is basically like saying the devils’ name for Historia. The music producer that she had been working with since she was seventeen and the one who all but pounced on her the second she turned eighteen. Eren thinks it’s disgusting that the same thing happened basicallly happened. Levi told him that he has forewarned him.

The two of them had made so many hit songs together, he’d basically helped Historia start her music career. When they got together that no one batted an eye. They were charming and celebrated - ignoring the fact that Historia was only nineteen and John was in his thirties. That Historia looked awkward and uncomfortable near him.

Everything came crashing down a year ago when Historia got dumped, for lack of a better word, on the side of the street and left to a swarm of paparazzi after an argument she had with him. Ymir and Sasha were the ones who got to her the fastest, ducking her into a car, and hiding her for the time being.

But in true Historia fashion, she was never one to be quiet. She wrote Dear John. Made art out of her pain, something Eren could only admire and love her for. Her effortless way of bouncing back, of jumping straight back into what hurt her for the sake of art was something only Eren could dream of possessing.

Something he envied when everything weighed so heavy on his mind.

“I’d kill him if he did anything like that to her.” Eren states.

“I’d help you.” Historia responds.

“Speaking of, I haven’t talked to her in a while. Is she taking breaks with the tour and movie and all?” Marco asks.

“She doesn’t take breaks. From the way she’s going, I don’t think she’ll stop till she gets what she wants. Which, you need that type of drive to do this. To get what she wants.”

Historia brings her hand up to Eren’s shoulder again, squeezing.

“Eren. When was the last time you talked to her?”

“It’s-it’s been a while with the time differences. When she’s not performing, she’s writing. And when she’s done writing, she’s practicing lines. There’s not really any time for that and I’m not going to be the one to pull her back when she’s in the zone and-”

“Eren. I’m sorry.” Historia says, her voice borderline pleading.

“It’s okay, it’s not a big deal-”

“Do you know how rare it is to have what you do? It’s insane that two people can even like each other at the same time but to be in love, so fully and unselfishly, you-you can’t let that get away from you.” Historia says, her eyes turning red and her voice getting louder as she goes on.

“Hisu. I-”

“We’re seeing her next week for the awards and your birthday. Just-just tell her, okay? I’ll kill you if you let something like this pass you by. Or I’ll haunt you from my grave if I’m dead.” Historia says.

“You sound like me.” Marco says, giving her a teasing smile.

“Shut up, Marco.” she responds.

Eren leans into their touch, their limbs all still tangled together, as he sighs into the air, trying to focus on the good. That they’re here with him, even if you can’t be. And that'll be you instead of them in a week.

It doesn’t work. The sadness still creeps in.

Eren closes out all the tabs of his laptop as he sees your picture flash against his screen, accompanied by his ringtone. He slides the video call open, the mere sight of you making his heart ache.

“Hi Eren.”

“Hi Y/N. Ready for your show?”

“Eh. Almost.”

Eren glares, narrowing his eyes at you as he waits for your laugh. You’re basically primed to perfection - your hair perfectly blown out, your sparkly silver dress pinned down, and your glittery makeup shining.

“Okay, okay. I’m ready, I just wanted to call you.”

Eren frowns, realizing that his shortcomings were so horrible, that they were enough to illicit a call from you when you were this busy.

“Because I’m a failure?”

“Eren. You’re not a failure. You-when have we ever cared what the Elms have said?”

The Elms officially released their gold standard review of Satellite Port last night. Eren wasn’t expecting much, knowing that this was far from his best work, but the review was scathing. And the articles that followed were even worse. He’d spent all morning reading them, his chest burning and his head becoming a solid rock weighing him down with every last word.

The worst thing that we see nowadays is a waste of talent. A true, self-actualized potential fall short. Our latest example? Attack on Titan star, Eren Jaeger. After garnering himself a total of three nominations the Institute last award season, it seems that the actor is on the come down. His work in Satellite Port was described as insanely mediocre, almost painful to watch knowing that this is the same boy who acted in the infamous Thank You scene - which garnered him his first Institute Award win. Eren is nominated for four awards at the Institute TV Awards next week - Best Actor in a Lead Role, Best Actor in a Drama Series, Best Scene, and Ensemble Cast - which will most likely be his last nominations ever with the work that he’s been putting out. We’ll see if Hange Zoe and Levi Ackerman can wrangle him in place for the last season of Attack on Titan and salvage his career.

“The things the Elms said about you and Armin back in the day were baseless. You- they just didn’t like you because of your parents. You’ve proved yourself over time and time again. I had all these things stacked up against me, there should have been no reason I failed and I did anyway.” Eren responds.

He watches you frown on the other side of the screen as you lean forward, your eyes washed over in concern. Eren immediately feels guilty for worrying you right before you’re about to perform, trying to save face as fast as possible.

“I’m just going to be upset about it today and I’ll be okay tomorrow, alright?” Eren asks.

“Just today, Eren. I’ll kill you otherwise, you little bitch.” you respond, giving him your best angry look.

Eren laughs at your profanities, which elicits a smile from you.

“You kiss your mom with that mouth, Y/N?”

“Mhm. And I kiss you with it too.”

“You’re so vulgar.”

“Wanna know something cool? Yesterday, when I was performing New Year’s Day at the start, the applause literally went on for n-”

“Nine minutes. And then they cheered your name for another ten after you walked off for your outfit change.” Eren responds, finishing your sentence.

“You watched?”

“Don’t be stupid. I watch you every time you perform. I like watching you - the faces you make when you’re singing your songs and smiling at people - it’s cute. Makes it easier when I miss you so much.”

He watches you sigh, your face contorting into a frown.

“I miss you too. I-I’m really excited to see you next week.”

“Me too.”

He watches you finish off your routine - as you clip on your earrings and fiddle with the ends of the hair as your team starts moving around you, pointing at their watches to indicate that you’re going to go on soon.

“Wanna know the stupidest thing about your tour, Y/N?”

“There’s stupid things on my tour?”

“Just the one.”

“Please enlighten me, wise one.”

“You sing New Year’s Day with a piano backtrack instead of playing the piano.”

“What’s the point of learning how to properly play the piano when you’ll always be there to do it for me?”

He feels his chest stirring at the words, even more when you blow him a kiss before hanging up to perform. His phone screen is left on your contact, the picture of the two of you making him smile.

He closes out all the tabs of the reviews, replacing them with the live stream of your show as he crawls back into his bed. And when he watches you wink at the camera right before you start singing New Year’s Day with your piano backtrack, he knows its for him.

“Ymir. This isn’t even half convincing.” Eren says, trying to swat her hands off his covered eyes.

“Shut the fuck up. You don’t even know what’s coming.” Ymir responds, pushing hard against his eyes as she swings him into the little foyer.

“It’s my birthday. Almost everyone we know is in town for the award show tomorrow. None of you guys have said happy birthday to me and now you’re inconspicuously leading me somewhere with my eyes covered. Oh, I’m dying of curiosity here, Ymir.”

“You’re no fun.” she responds, lifting her fingers off his eyes. He’s met with the sight of everyone popping confetti in his face at the same time, an excited amount of cheers filling up the air.

Mikasa and Armin reach him first, almost everyone wrangling them in his arms and smacking him on the back. Connie offers him his first legal shot as a twenty-one year old, which Levi confiscates in three seconds. Reiner rolls his eyes as he swings a sash around Eren’s neck, which elicits an insurmountable amount of laughter from everyone.

“Mother to be?” Eren asks, reading the sparkly cursive writing on the sash.

“They ran out of birthday sashes. And giving birth is basically adjacent to birthdays, so I figured it was the best one. It was either that or a quinceanera.” Reiner explains.

“A quinceanera is a real birthday dumbass.” Eren responds, shoving him to the side.

Everyone’s too overzealous and excited to hand him gifts because they’re immediately sitting him down, handing him packed boxes. Hange and Levi gift him an expensive watch, the pair of them pressing a kiss to his head, before retreating upstairs to their rooms, arms locked together and whispering in each other's ears as they go up.

Reiner and Bertholdt give him gag gifts first - which are just framed pictures of every time he’s flipped off paparazzi - before giving him his real gift, their annotated versions of the original Attack on Titan script.

Eren’s been a big fan of Reiner’s blocking notes since they were students together at the SHWA, because Reiner clearly has no conception of what the blocking notes are actually supposed to be. Instead of writing in his own staging spots and directions from the crew, he writes his own commentary on the script.

Eren flips to the marked page, the big reveal scene, and finds Reiner’s handwriting at the button.

Reiner: I’m the Armored and he’s the Colossal.

And underneath, Reiner’s inscription.

fuck.

He flips forward a few pages to find the Thank You Scene marked as well, his handwriting on the side.

Eren: I’ll wrap that scarf around you, as many times as you want.

And Bertholdt’s commentary.

yall fucking?

Eren snorts as he closes up the script, giving the two of them a smile, as Historia and Marco plant a gift in his lap next, skillfully packed in wrapping paper with his face on it.

“I’m not sure if I should ruin something so perfect. I just look so good here-”

“Eren. You’re a five on a good day.” Ymir responds, unbothered to look up from the game of soccer she was watching on the screen.

Eren frowns as he opens up the gift, a glass showcase filled with polaroids. The first is a framed picture, one of the first of the entire cast. Underneath, Historia’s handwriting is inscribed, loopy letters spelling out Long Live. Eren smiles as he sets it to the side, observing Marco's gift. A Maya Angelou poetry book.

Eren gives the group of them a smile as he scans his eyes around the room, noticing the only face missing. The only one he was looking forward to seeing. Marco grabs his hand and drags him up the staircase, as he whispers over his shoulder.

“She left a while ago to set up her gift for you. She should be in your room I think.”

Eren’s nearly sprinting up the staircase as he pushes open the door, a defeated sigh leaving his lips when he stumbles in. There’s a half wrapped gift on the bed next to you, where you’re face down and fast asleep. He can see that you’re still in your party clothes - the dress and birthday hat still stuck to your head - as you nearly drool onto his sheets.

“Nonsense, Eren. We’ll just wake her up, she was really excited to-”

“No.” Eren responds.

Marco swallows hard as he looks over at Eren, jaw half clenched and eyes narrowed down as he moves around him, shutting the door behind him. Eren carefully yanks the party hat and the shoes off your feet as he tucks you into the sheet properly, the tears burning his eyes.

He takes the halfpacked gift and note from the bed, shutting the light off, as he escapes into your room to open them. To take a second, to calm whatever burning, irritating sensation is ripping his chest right now.

The gift is a vinyl, the cover art is the same as the tattoos that you guys got together nearly two years ago. There’s a note inscribed on the front, your messy handwriting on the front.

Eren. Our music is the best music. Here’s to many more to come :D

He turns the vinyl over to find one song on each side - New Year’s Day on the front and Invisible String on the back. There’s a list of untitled listed underneath them, clearly meant to be future songs you and Eren write together.

And all Eren can feel is despair. The gross, disgusting feeling that sits in his chest and never goes away is going to drag you down too.

Isn’t it?

Nearly twenty four hours later and Eren’s standing on the other side of the red carpet, his palms sweaty and burning. He was supposed to walk out twenty minutes ago but his feet are glued to the foam, his throat dry.

It always comes at the worst times. His birthday party, when he saw Zeke at Christmas, when he met Ricky James at the cocktail hour and then Gianna right after.

Every little thing that’s been bothering Eren for the past day, the past few months is tumbling into this moment, where he’s staring at the red carpet and hearing the cameras flash behind the curtain but can’t summon his feet to move beyond them.

Eren’s embarrassed. He’s ashamed. He’s trying. He’s trying to swallow it, trying to move his feet, to get out there to stand next to you.

It’s humiliating.

He feels a tap on his shoulder to find Armin at his side, readjusting the collar against his neck as he gives him a smile.

“Hey.”

“Hi Min.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

Eren tilts his head to the side as Armin gives him a smile, before turning his face back towards the curtain.

“I hate walking on red carpets. But they’re easier when friends do them with me.” Armin responds.

Eren sighs, a third person now catching on to him, as he stares at his shoelaces, evenly knotted against his leather shoes.

Is he that obvious? It's like it's written on his forehead.

“So, Eren?”

“I-I don’t know if I can be a good friend right now, Armin. I think I should leave and-”

“You’re the only friend I need. Just come on, okay? No one’s going to talk about Satellite Port, especially if I’m with you. They’re just going to try and wrangle spoilers out of you for the next season.” Armin responds, holding his hand out.

Eren look down at his outstretched hand, blue eyes filled with such a vote of confidence that Eren agrees, stepping out into the flashing lights with Armin at his side, the two of them gaining a considerable amount of cheers as they walk out.

Eren walks down with Armin, snapping a few pictures, before stopping to talk to a few of the interviewers, letting Armin carry the bulk of the weight as his mind spins in thirty different directions. About where he’s standing, if he should leave, how he’s a fraud and everything in between.

Armin tugs him nearly all the way to the end as he pushes him into the auditorium, Eren’s chest heaving as he settles into his seat in between Hange and you, though your seat is still empty.

“Eren. You okay?”

Eren gives a halfhearted nod as Hange and Levi pinch their eyes in his direction, sharing a look, before leaning back in their chairs. Hange’s hand is squeezing his shoulder, which is all he tries to focus on as more people start piling in - cameras, lights, sounds getting brighter and brighter.

Eren feels a tap on his shoulder to find you at his side now, a big smile on your face.

“Oh my god. The interviewers out there were so fun.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I really liked them.”

He feels you pull for his hand, nestling it under the pleats of your dress, obscured from the public view, as you squeeze his hand three times. Eren tries to ignore the pounding, burning, twisting happening in his mind as he focuses on the announcer, giving his opening monologue. He’s clearly doing a bit of crowd work as he’s walking around, pointing and poking fun at the stars around him.

And Eren’s worst fear is self-actualized when he walks over to the two of you, his voice booming in his ears as the lights flash in his face. He can feel Hange’s grip on his shoulder tighten as he starts talking.

“Here we have an international pop-star, Y/N L/N. Originally a small town girl from Canada, her soft spoken love songs, phenomenal acting, and insane dance act have left no heart untouched.”

Eren looks over to find your cheeks pink, a big smile spread on your face. He can’t help but smile - thinking about you crying in your room after your first panels to be what you are now.

“And you. What’s your name again? It’s sweet they let fans sit with stars now.” the headliner asks him, eliciting a large amount of laughter from the crowd as he walks on.

Eren swallows hard, his eyes and throat burning as he sounds echoes in his ears.

It’s funny. It’s just a joke. It’s a joke because it’s funny that no one knows who he is. It’s funny because he’s no one compared to you and-

“I’ll be right back. I have to use the bathroom.” Eren says, standing up and walking out.

“Eren.”

He shakes your fingers off his wrist as he nearly springs out, loosening the tie around his throat and yanking the heavily starched collar around his neck. And it’s back. That sickening, sickening feeling in full flesh. The block in his chest, that’s stopping the breath from reaching his lungs - making his legs feel like lead, making every part of his brain feel heavy and his arms feel loose.

Eren reaches for the closest room, an open bar playing a video of the ceremonies as he settles onto the bench, head pressed against the concrete as he murmurs out for a glass of water.

Eren stays there - trying to feel the concrete cold against his forehead, his breath making his entire chest tremble, and his knuckles pressed white. He feels a hand on his shoulder, squeezing, and lifts his head expecting Hange.

Instead, he finds an older man - nearly in his fifties with gray hair smiling down at him.

“Eren. It’s nice to see you again.”

Eren lifts his head, trying to rack his fried brain from where he knows him.

“You know, Eren. We’ve been in the same room hundreds of times. Yet, we’ve barely talked for two minutes.”

“Ss-sorry. I don’t mean to-”

“You and I could be really helpful to each other.”

He slides over his card, the name gleaming back at him as the memory comes back. Years ago, at that panel, where he met him the first time. Scott Clarkson, the Stone Studios producer.

“If you want your reputation back, if you don’t want to be the butt of the joke anymore, if you want to be the one talked about next to her instead of Ricky James, you’d give the number a call. Instead of ripping it half on principle this time.”

Eren watches him slide off the bench, a smile pressed on his face, as he turns his face back to the screen, watching you accept the Best Actress in a Drama Series Role. He looks back down at the card, the silver shine reflecting on his face.

Eren tucks it into his pocket. And calls the next day.

It's the worst mistake he makes.

next part

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ambassadorarlert · 1 year

Text

HEAT WAVES... (Armin Arlert x afab!reader)

.04 BOARDWALK (main menu | spotify ) 18+ MDNI NSFW ↳ summary: ...armin comes out of his shell. ↳ warnings: explicit sexual content, swearing, implied depression, anxiety ↳ genre: hurt/comfort, comedy, ↳ word count: 11k (my bad)

No one really had an answer. It was as if Eren had vanished into thin air, like he erased himself from the face of the planet and it was just you eight who remembered his existence. All of his belongings stayed just where he left them. Eren’s suitcase was barely unpacked. A glass of water sat half full on his nightstand. There wasn’t a single thing that seemed odd or unusual.

Missing in action for a few hours turned into a few days. Which, eventually, turned into weeks. All of the Survey Corps plans to set up a base in Marley had to be put on hold, and it raised more questions about what to do next. Should the mission be considered a failure and go home to Paradise? Or, wait it out and continue as coordinated once Eren eventually returns?

There was also the looming danger of being busted by Marleyan officials as Eldian’s from Paradise, a special group of people in which the entire country agreed that they hated. Was staying on Marley a minute longer than necessary a risk worth taking?

You didn’t want to think about any of that now. All you wanted was some breakfast.

You quietly open the door to the dining hall, not surprised to see Hange and Levi sitting at the table. They stopped talking to each other as you entered and greeted them for the morning.

They seemed to be having a particularly serious discussion. Hange was sitting on the edge of their seat, their face painted with that determined look that you found inspirational and also frightening-- depending on the situation. Levi was sitting back in his chair, an arm rested around the supportive backrest.

“Make a cup of tea for me.” Levi said.

Anyone else would have taken his tone for rudeness, and his request as a direct order. However, you knew this was Levi’s way of being polite, as his articulation was softer and rounder around the edges. A change of speech he only reserved for you.

It was a recurring joke that you were Levi’s favorite. Levi spoke to you in different tones than he does to anyone else. For you he is always a pinch nicer. He usually said yes to any of your requests, agreed with most of your ideas, and no one could recall a time where Levi had to whack you upside the head for saying something stupid. On top of all that, you were the only one who was allowed to make Levi his tea. Eren made it taste bitter. Jean serves it too hot while Armin serves it too cold. Sasha adds too much sugar, and Connie makes too much of a mess for a single cup. Hange somehow makes it taste like dirt. You were the only one who could brew and sweeten it the exact way Levi liked.

“Yes, sir.” You complied.

It was routine now that you would make a cup for Levi before yourself whenever you happened to be awake at the same time. He hardly needed to ask at this point.

As you approached the table to prepare tea, you took notice of the heavy silence between the three of you. Levi definitely added an ominous element to whatever room he was in, but the tension was too thick. Perhaps you really had walked in on a heated conversation. Being the awkward interruption made you nervous. You kept your head down as you sorted through the teabags to find one Levi would enjoy.

“So, since it’s just the three of us. We’d like to ask you a few questions, Y/N.” Hange spoke up, clearing their throat as they did so. You paused.

“Okay.” You agreed, trying not to sound as anxious as you had suddenly become.

“How has Mikasa been holding up since Eren has been gone?” Hange questioned.

“And be honest.” Levi interjected.

If you were going to be completely honest, Mikasa had been having a difficult time. Just as anyone would imagine. For the first few days of Eren’s absence, she had been inconsolable. Mikasa spent most of those days confined in her hotel room, crying to a point where she would exhaust herself, fall asleep, wake up, repeat. Then, her despair took a turn and transformed into unwavering hope that Eren couldn’t be gone much longer, and that he would return. It was a last minute coping mechanism.

“She’s.. doing her best.” You answered, pouring hot water over the teabag in the cup.

You voted to keep it simple and true as you could without divulging too many details. Mikasa was heartbroken, but she did less crying every day. You figured that Mikasa wouldn’t appreciate you giving out too much personal information, especially to Levi.

Levi and Hange glanced at each other as you kept your back turned. They mutually and silently agreed to not push further about Mikasa. Still, there was another person they were concerned about.

“And Armin?”

The sudden mention of his name falling off of Levi’s lips casually and innocently sent goosebumps down your spine. You shivered as if a chill had brushed right through you. You even dropped the spoon you were using to stir sugar in Levi’s tea directly onto the floor. It fell with a muted clunk against the carpet.

Your mind began to race. As far as you and Armin could tell, no one suspected anything about either of you. You both kept a respectable distance from each other around the group but by default your interactions with each other increased. No one seemed to notice how your eyes lingered on each other from across the room. Sasha, who had been wholeheartedly invested in your infatuation with Armin from the beginning, didn’t even realize that he fixed you a cup of tea every morning since landing in Marley. Jean, who was Armin’s assigned partner for the mission and only slept a few doors down, paid no attention that Armin’s door would squeak open and shut at odd hours of the night from you slipping in and out. Mikasa, who was Armin’s very best friend, seemed oblivious as well. Then again, her mind was elsewhere these days.

There wasn’t much to be said about what Connie knew, because it was usually nothing.

If anyone was going to notice anything, it was Levi. And if Levi knew then Hange most definitely did as well. Levi was omniscient, all-seeing, all knowing, nothing got past him without him hearing about it. You were sure that you and Armin’s jig was up. You’d have to break down and tell Levi everything he wanted to know, as you couldn’t imagine lying to your captain and commander.

You bit your lip as you reached for a new spoon. You began to sweat under your arms and your stomach felt as if it would drop right out of your ass. As quickly as your anxiety had been sprung, a new idea came to mind.

Telling Levi the truth was your best option. However, you didn’t need to reveal all of it.

It was generally easier to tell if Armin was upset, afraid, happy, or sad. In the context of Eren, he was a tougher nut to crack than you suspected. When Eren first disappeared, Armin remained positive that Eren would return as he had no real connections or resources in Marley. He stayed up most nights as a watch guard, ready to welcome Eren back with open arms and a jillion questions. Coffee was his newfound hyperfixation. It gave him the energy he needed to stay up through the night. Apart from the stray glasses of water that you insisted he chug, coffee was all he drank.

When it was becoming apparent that Eren qualified as missing in action, Armin’s decline began. He crash-napped at strange times during the day. Whenever he was awake, his nose was buried in the journals he brought along with him from Paradis, flipping through pages and notes and personal diary entries he had taken on Eren, his memories from his father, and information on the Attack Titan. Armin hardly ate anyway, but he held no real appetite. Armin slept in later and later, often letting the small plates of food you brought him run cold.

You straighten your posture.

“Actually, Captain, I’m glad you asked.” You said.

Hange and Levi shared another look at each other as they also sat up to listen. Just as they predicted, Eren’s two dearest and longest friends would be struggling with him being gone. Everyone knew that the trio never really had a single day without each other. Anyway they could help, they absolutely would.

Levi’s tea was at the perfect temperature and just the right amount of sugar had been added. You walked across the room and lightly placed the saucer and cup in front of him. For a second, Levi watched the steam rise from the rim and eyed the deep brown liquid. You stepped back and stood at full ease.

“Armin hardly comes out of his room these days. I don’t think he eats, or sleeps, he’s too occupied overanalyzing and prophesying. We all know that Armin is more… perceptive than others. I-I think a day outside would do him some good. Only for a few hours just to get his mind off of things.” You submitted your idea, looking between Levi and Hange for any kind of reaction.

Instead of taking the cup by the handle, Levi hovered his hand across the entire rim and sipped through a gap in his fingers, louder than usual. He held his eyes on Hange, who actually had the final say. Hange’s stare was fixated on the table as you explained the situation. They nodded slowly as they listened.

Of course, there was more you wanted to say. But, just as you wanted to respect Mikasa’s emotional privacy, you wanted to do the same for Armin, and not lead on too much. Levi and Hange eyed each other down, quietly debating as if they could read each other’s minds. Your eyes darted between the two of them, eager to hear their thoughts. You felt like you were asking both of your parents for a favor.

“You think we’re going to let you two out and about unchaperoned, in enemy territory, after the shit you all pulled at the refugee camp?” Levi questioned, an eyebrow raised in suspicion. He didn’t look at you as he spoke.

Good point. Quickly, you came up with a counter argument to blame Eren for the sake of the conversation, but Hange intervened before you could propose it.

“Eren took full responsibility for that, and I said we’d just forget about it and move on. That was weeks ago at this point.” Hange removed their glasses to wipe a lens on the corner of their shirt.

“Armin and Y/N are responsible, and are the ones we would have to worry about the least if they were out by themselves.. We shouldn’t let Armin rot in his thoughts alone. Don’t you agree, Levi?” Hange hinted.

Levi took another large slurp out of his cup. With the loud sipping and little complaint as he drank, you figured you once again hit the nail on the head. Hopefully, that would add extra leverage to your proposal. Levi licked his lips and sat his cup in the saucer with an uncomfortable clink.

Levi’s silver-grey eyes weren’t cold, but still just as unnerving, as he finally made eye contact with you. You swallowed as he looked you directly into your soul, and a few yards beyond. He pointed a finger as he spoke.

“Don’t do anything stupid.” Levi said. Now, that was an order.

Your mind had drawn to a blank. You had prepared yourself to defend your case. However, you were not expecting the conversation to go as simply as it did. Once the tide of relief had washed away, you thanked them generously and prepared to leave and make plans. It was better to accept a yes and leave, than to waste another second and give them room to change their minds.

“Hold on,” Levi called after you before you could fully make it out the door.

He dug around in his pocket, and simply chucked whatever he had towards you. You caught it with ease, opening your hand to see that he had thrown a singular Marleyan coin. A string had been tugged in your chest.

“Thank you, Captain.” You smiled greatly and genuinely, giving a respectful salute out of gratitude. Levi waved his hand, dismissing you. You turned on your heel and let the door fall closed behind you.

“Hmm.” Hange relaxed in their seat. Their lips pressed into a sarcastic frown. Levi glared.

“What?” He wanted to know.

“I didn’t hear you say you wanted reimbursement. But I always have to pay you back.” Hange commented.

Levi sucked his teeth and reached for his tea.

“I’ll just add it to your tab.”

A cloudy heaviness floated around in the dark and gloomy room. A few stray pieces of clothing laid across the floor. Dishes had piled on top of the bedside table as neatly as they could be stacked. A few mugs have been collected over the course of a few nights, dried and evaporated rings of coffee remained in the bottoms. The only light source in the room was the lamp in the corner that gave off a sickly yellow hue. It made Armin’s eyes and head ache, but he didn’t want to have the curtains open. Each rise and fall of the sun was just another day without Eren.

Armin took a gulp out of a mug that had been sitting near him as he rummaged through various journals and notebooks. His coffee that he had been cradling was brewed a few hours ago and had long been cold. Armin didn’t care about the stale taste it left in his mouth. He didn’t feel like going to get a fresh cup.

The only audible noise in Armin’s room was the annoying ticking of the clock on the wall. No one likes listening to the time pass by, and it was quite easy to tune out. However, all Armin wanted to do in this particular moment was concentrate on his own research. With each tick tick tick, Armin’s head pounded. His stomach also began to bubble as he had not eaten anything since yesterday afternoon. Food and water would make the hunger and oncoming migraine go away, but he was too engrossed in his writings to get up and do anything else.

Armin was hyper focused on trying to find a clue as to why Eren would disappear. He had been awake since the night before editing, studying, rewriting and scribbling over notes he had taken months and months ago. Something, somewhere, had to be an answer. He could taste it. Armin’s mind buzzed with thoughts and theories. Each assumption was laced over the other, intertwining in his brain all at once. They rattled against his skull.

A soft knock on the door was all that was needed to annoy Armin to the fullest extent, breaking his concentration on trying to keep his ideas sorted. Reality shifted around him now that he had been distracted. The hangry smog wiped from his eyes as he blinked himself to the present. Armin balled his fists, refraining from smacking them down on the table out of frustration

Armin turned in his seat and stood up. His head swam for a second as the blood pooled back into his legs and feet. He realized he had been sitting in that chair for quite a while. He spotted the shadow of two feet under the crack of the door and, suddenly, a piece of paper slid across the floor. The feet disappeared quickly as they appeared, muted footsteps trotted down the hall and away.

It was a note. Armin quickly reached to pick it up and unfolded it.

“Armin, would you please meet me at the pier by 12pm?”

There in black ink, written in your handwriting, was your name signing off. Armin stared at it for a moment to admire how the letters formed the sound of you. He also noticed that the i in his name was dotted with a small heart. Armin’s own heart fluttered. No one has ever written his name that way.

Armin turned the note over in his hand, not expecting anything to be written anywhere else. There was very little context. The pier? He didn’t quite understand. Whatever it is you needed to meet about had to be important if it was outside of the hotel. Armin checked the time. He had thirty minutes.

With haste, he assembled an outfit. Brown slacks, a white button up shirt, and a beige vest to match. Armin splashed some cold water on his face and scrubbed his teeth until his gums bled. All the while his thoughts ran a mile a minute. Armin could feel the adrenaline flow under his skin at the anticipation of seeing you for the first time today. He did a brief breath check before grabbing a cap to conceal his insubordinate hair. Usually it would lay flat but of course it wouldn’t do what Armin wanted right now.

He was out the door with fifteen minutes left to spare. As Armin was just leaving, Jean was walking into his own room.

“Oh, ‘sup Armin?” Jean threw his hand up in acknowledgement. Armin paused, a breath of air being startled out of his lungs.

“Hi, Jean. Bye, Jean!” Armin greeted him breathlessly.

Perhaps if he appeared to be in a rush, Jean wouldn’t question where he was going without him. Armin didn’t need Jean holding him up and asking questions.

“Wait, hang on a second! Where are you going?” Jean stammered. His face was screwed up with confusion.

Suddenly, Armin's hands were beginning to sweat. Anxiety began to pool in his chest. Armin needed to navigate his way out of the hotel and to the pier. The pier was close, a block or two away. Armin could still be on time if he kept his talk with Jean short.

“I’m going to the pier for a while. To look for Eren.” Armin said plainly as it was the entire truth. He put his hands in his pockets and swallowed.

“I can go with you.” Jean offered. He had his hand on the door handle, ready to leave if Armin said yes.

Armin upheld his promise to keep your relationship under the table. He figured one of you would tell Jean eventually. Armin did find it quite funny that Jean was the one who gave him the small boost he needed at the camp that night, but was so far gone that he couldn’t even remember his drunken words of encouragement. Perhaps at some point Armin would thank him for his unsolicited help. With time, of course. For now, Armin was enjoying having you all to himself.

There was an awkward pause as he waited for Armin’s answer.

“No, I-I can go alone.” Armin politely denied.

“Alright,” Jean hunched his shoulders, slightly disappointed. He was about to go back into his room before he abruptly turned back on his heel.

“Y’know Connie and I stay up pretty late most of the time. You can come kick it with us if you want… If you get too lonely.” Jean gently suggested.

This was the first time he and Armin had spoken to each other in days. Armin was Jean’s buddy, and he missed hanging out with him and Connie together. Every other night or so, Jean would tip down the hall to see what Armin was up to. Most of the time his lights were off and everything was quiet. Jean figured Armin would be a little lonesome. Leave it to a jerk like Eren to abandon his best friends.

Armin lips turned to the side in a shy, reserved smile.

“Thanks Jean.”

Jean nodded his head again. He decided to let Armin go his separate way. He couldn’t help but wonder if letting Armin out alone was a good idea or not, given the circumstances. He shook the thought away, having more faith in Armin coming back than Eren at this point. Jean held out his fist for Armin to pound. With no hesitation, Armin approached Jean and met his fist with his.

On that note, Jean went back into his room. Armin rounded the corner like a bat out of hell, and made a break for the exit.

The day was surprisingly warm and sunny. It was the middle of the week, and not many people seemed to be out today. It was nowhere near as crowded, as it was when you all first came to Marley. The pier was bright, full of life, loud, and busy. Now, it was pretty vacant and boring regardless of the lovely weather. There were a few people wandering around. Their shoes clunked loudly on the wood of the pier, echoing loudly into the open sea air. Even though the temperature was slightly high, the wind blowing off of the ocean just a few steps away provided a refreshing breeze. You could even taste the salt.

You checked your small wrist watch for the time again. The day was growing dangerously close to noon. Armin would have been here by now, but he was nowhere in sight. You had picked a perfect spot right in front of the pier's welcoming entrance. In big iron letters erected over its archway read Libero Pier Amusement. You sat patiently on a bench. Sitting in a public space and looking around anxiously was a perfect way to draw attention to yourself, so you kept calm and collected.

The anticipation was driving you crazy. You didn’t bring anything to distract yourself with while you waited, so you resorted to picking at whatever hangnail you could find. You bit at one, wondering what could possibly be taking Armin so long? What if something had happened to him? It was unlike Armin to be tardy for anything. What if he just didn’t want to come? You glanced at your watch again.

“Chewing on your nails again?”

You jumped. As if you manifested him out of thin air, he was there. You didn’t even hear him coming. You looked up at him, relieved that he was finally here and in one piece. But your heart fell at the sight of him in the daylight. It was obvious that he had not been getting enough sleep, if any at all. The area around and under Armin’s eyes were darker than the rest of his face. His outfit, however, was pretty fly. Marleyan fashion suited him well.

“Yeah.” You admitted timidly.

“I got your note, obviously.” Armin stated as he helped himself to sit next to you, thigh to thigh.

He leaned into your space, his hands resting politely in his lap. You had his full attention, eyes wide and dotting across your face. His eyes, the water in the distance, and the sky were all a miracle shade of blue.

“What is this about?”

“I wanted to go on a date.” You introduced your idea, motioning to the nautical environment around you. You gave Armin a flirtatious side eye.

“A date?” Armin sputtered incredulously. You hummed in response.

A strange crack accidentally escaped Armin’s throat. A date, of course! How stupid of him to not realize that sooner. Would you be upset if he didn’t realize this is what you had planned? Had he known, he would have gone out of his way to bring you something nice.

You pressed your lips together, hiding a smile and hoping that Armin would be okay with this. If not, you both could simply go back to HQ and spend time together there. Although, that wouldn’t be as fun.

“Unless you’re uncomfortable! We can go back--” You started to bargain. Armin interrupted you promptly.

“No, please! I-I definitely want to be here with you.” Armin pleaded. His reassurance made your stomach twist.

“I must ask though, how did you get past Hange and Levi?” Armin wanted to know.

He was more than positive that you did not waltz right up to them and say you wanted to go on a date with Armin. And, no matter what way you put it, there was absolutely no way they could have ever agreed to let you venture out alone without Mikasa.

You playfully shrugged. You hardly broke a sweat trying to reason with your superiors, but Armin didn’t need to know that. You did, however, want Armin to know that Levi had given you money. Armin’s jaw dropped. He almost didn’t believe it until you pulled out the copper coin allowance out of your pocket, chuckling maniacally. Armin scoffed.

“I guess that little boy didn’t take all of it.” You lightly teased.

“He’s never given me money.” Armin fake pouted.

He thought back to all of the times that he had gone into town to get things for Levi, and it was always out of his own pocket. He genuinely did not mind at all. That, and he also dared not to ask otherwise.

You laughed. His mood already seemed to be changing. You grabbed Armin’s hand and stood up on your feet. He followed.

“So. What should we do first?” You asked.

Armin held his shoulder out for you to take. You wrapped your arms around his bicep and gave it a very firm hug. A warmth had gone through him, starting from the top of his head and sliding its way down into his toes. He could feel his cheeks flush just by you touching him. It sent his heart thumping and mind racing. This would be your first outing together as a couple. Maybe if Armin remained collected and chivalrous, while staying sharp and alert of his surroundings, he might not fuck anything up.

Like he did last time.

It did not matter where the starting point was, as long as Armin got to spend time with you. After a few weeks of beginning to get used to sneaking around in dark hallways at strange and ungodly hours of the night, it was refreshing to see you in a rather normal romantic environment. A beautiful day, you on his arm, out and about in a place neither of you had explored before. Armin’s stomach gurgled. He suggested food first.

Although this was your plan, Armin seemed to lead the way. He specifically wanted ice cream again and he looked for the trolly. Unfortunately, he didn’t spot the gentleman anywhere so he settled for something else. So, you both made way towards the only open food stand. There was a bit of a line, but you waited your turn. You stood behind a man with a baby resting on his shoulder.

The first thing you noticed besides the huge bald head, were their big green eyes. Their cheeks were fat and round, perfect for pinching. Just as you appeared, the infant kept their eye on you. You smiled and gave a little wave, and made a few funny faces. Your new friend, with their little fist in their mouth, smiled and giggled in return. A bit of drool had rolled down their bottom lip.

“Aw,” Armin chortled at you.

“I like babies.” You mentioned to him matter of factly. The line moved forward a few feet.

The parent must have caught a whisper of your comment. He barely turned to the side and glared at you through the corner of his sight. You could tell he gave you a quick up and down examination. The man's concentration circled on your left arm, which remained at your side since Armin was intertwined on your right. Then, he gave an awkward and unfriendly fold of his lips, and promptly turned back around. It was always disappointing when a cute baby had rude parents.

The menu for street food in Marley was insane. You and Armin collectively have never had so many choices for food in your lives, and it was quite obvious to the vendor by the way you both gawked at the menu. You recognized a few items, such as Mikasa’s popcorn and Sasha’s funnel cake. But you weren’t too sure what a hot dog was exactly…

You and Armin both opted for a pretzel, to try something new.

Once you had gotten your twisted snack and paid, you pointed back to the pier. From where you were standing, you scouted out a perfect spot to sit, eat, and talk. One section of the pier was lined with wooden benches. It was built to stand a few yards beyond the shore line and farther into the ocean. You both sat closer to the end, wanting to be as close to the water as possible, and ate in a comfortable silence.

Seagulls called overhead. The sound of the water sloshing against the wood of the pier echoed under your feet. You snuck a glance at Armin as he munched. His hair blew against the warm wind. He was amazing to look at.

“I’ve missed seeing you during the day.” You confided in a soft voice.

“Yeah…” Armin dragged out. “My sleep schedule has been kind of messed up…”

It was obvious that Armin desperately needed sleep. Even though the bags under his eyes were plain as day, he was still good looking. In your personal biased opinion, Armin was always an attractive guy. The lack of sleep gave him a tragically beautiful aesthetic.

“I stay up most nights just… thinking.” Armin lowly stated.

Armin focused on the half eaten pretzel in his hand. There was something nipping at the back of his mind, something that you could see but not put a name to. You took a bite out of your food to fill some of the silence.

“About what?” You asked.

He paused for a moment. Suddenly, he wasn’t hungry anymore.

Armin thought everything was going well so far. He didn’t want to ruin the mood by being sad and talking about his feelings. Although, it was only a matter of time before you broke the ice and brought up Eren. He noticed how you tiptoed around it, how your exterior around him had softened. Since Levi didn’t bother to do bed checks anymore, only because the main reason for reinstating them for the time being had gone, you pushed the envelope on how late you would stay in Armin’s room. Sometimes, you’d fall asleep for a while. He guessed that you just wanted to keep him company.

“You can tell me anything.” You reassured him. You lightly knocked your knee against his to get his attention.

You were completely right. You were an excellent listener, and quite easy to talk to. Having deeper and more meaningful conversations with you was simpler than he thought. After understanding that you liked to talk as much as he did, Armin realized that he had psyched himself out for years. Being too intimidated and shy to initiate anything beyond banter as comrades, and vague compliments.

He often found himself spewing embarrassing facts and stories. You knew that Armin does not like to sleep with socks on because he hates the way his toes feel when they’re confined together, and he likes when it rains because everything feels cleaner. If he could confide in you that he enjoys a romance novel every now and then, he could be honest about his latest dilemma.

“I know, I just…” He inhaled sharply.

The pout on your lips was involuntary. Armin’s shoulders fell. He still kept his eyes on his lap. His bottom lip was taken in between his teeth, chewing on the supple skin.

“I thought at first that maybe being in Marley triggered some kind of memory, that Eren got lost or confused and would find his way back. I read my notes a thousand and one times. He hardly ever spoke about his fathers memories, aside from killing the Reiss family, so I couldn’t even piece together an idea of where in Marley he could have gone”

“And then I remembered the ‘see you later.’ It made me think he changed his mind at some point, but why? Maybe it was something I had done, something I didn’t understand… That’s kind of where I’m at now, I guess…”

You left your pretzel unattended as you listened. A sinking sensation fell in your abdomen. It was without question that Armin missed Eren and, honestly, so did you. He wasn’t your closest friend, but you enjoyed kicking him under the table when he joined in on Connie and Jean’s teasing. You constantly remind Eren to mind his business whenever he commented about Mikasa’s hair getting too long, and that she can keep it anyway she wants. Being the last person to see Eren seemed like a cruel joke. You felt as if anyone would see him for the final time, it should have been Armin.

You slid closer to him, hips touching together. Gently, you place your hand on his shoulder. Your eyes were locked on to him. He couldn’t avoid eye contact if he tried.

“I don’t think it had anything to do with you.” You hushed.

Armin offered a weak smile. You had spoken so tenderly, he almost believed that was true. All of a sudden, his mouth had gone dry. He felt as if you had him by the throat. A ringing sound in his ears as he zoned in on your lips. They always turned to a smile, no matter the occasion.

“Stand up. Face me. ” You demanded.

Without question, Armin did as you said. You plucked his pretzel from his hand and sat it down where he was sitting, and took both of his hands in yours. They were warm and a little sweaty. You gave them a squeeze. You instructed him to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out, following along with him.

“Let’s still try to have fun here while we can. Okay?”

Armin sighed. He could not deny to himself that the sunshine and fresh air had restored a piece of his mind. He was never going to stop wondering about Eren, thinking of the smallest technical detail, until he showed up again. For now, perhaps he could let his guard down for a moment…

“Okay.” Armin effortlessly agreed.

From that point on, he managed to put all of his Eren thoughts to the back of his mind, and enjoy your company. It had actually been about two or three days since you both had spent time together. He realized he hadn’t seen anyone for a while, which must have been why Jean was so surprised. Armin missed hearing you laugh and reaching to touch him anyway you could as you did so, how you could make a conversation about anything, and you definitely had gotten prettier somehow.

You both took one long, slow stroll around the pier. Mainly just talking, bouncing off of each other's ideas and random thoughts. You noticed a few things about him as you walked and talked. Armin spoke fluently with his hands. In casual conversation, he waved and moved them around. When he was being bashful, he rubbed them together. Armin also put his hands in his pockets sometimes. You hadn’t figured out what that meant yet. He apparently had a lot on his chest.

It was about to be your second turn around when you noticed a few people walking along the shoreline and under the pier. Immediately, you wanted to go there.

You and Armin rolled your pants legs up to the shin, took off your socks and shoes, and walked through the water under the pier. You held your footwear in one hand, while holding hands with the other. They swung in between while you casually strolled.

It was apparent that Armin was in a better mood. He skipped through the water, splashing himself and you as he kicked his feet around. He let his mind and his mouth run a mile a minute. Armin spoke on seemingly every thought that had came to his brain. You couldn’t help but to smile and laugh as he did. One day out and away from everything was just what he needed.

“Look at this,” Your eyes glanced at one of the pier legs.

You both stopped and approached to read and admire the handwriting that was etched into the wood. They were messages, notes, love declarations and promises. It was romantic to see how many couples had been in this very spot before you and Armin. He awed at some of the sentimental carvings. You had an idea.

You reached into your back pocket, pulling out a small knife you kept for last resort defense. You flipped it open and pointed the blade into the wood.

“What are you doing!” Armin exclaimed.

“Writing our names.” You stated, quirking an eyebrow. You thought it was obvious.

“You can’t do that, that’s vandalism!” Armin insisted.

He placed two hands on your shoulder, peering over as you were spelling your own name.

“Vandalism, really? Look how many people have been here before us!” You chortled as you moved on to sketch his name underneath yours.

Armin wasn’t the type to willingly bend the rules, which is what made it so fun to break them around him.

“Just because other people did it, doesn’t mean it’s right!” Armin hollered over the sound of the water moving and crashing. A subtle salty mist dusted the air as the wind blew from the ocean.

Armin’s face had turned a bashful red. He anxiously looked around. If you were both caught by Marleyan authorities and discovered to be from Paradis, it would be game over for the both of you as well as everyone else.

“Ta-da!” You cheered. You slid your knife back into your pocket and stepped back to admire your handiwork.

There, permanently drawn into Liberio’s pier were your names together, enclosed with a heart. Carving curves was more difficult than you thought it would be but the shape came out all the same. Armin noticed that you dotted the i in his name with a heart as well. He reached out to run his finger over the fresh carving.

“Nice little touch.” He complimented. The serious line of Armin’s lips twitched into a smile.

A quick gust of ocean breeze flew past, misting the sides of your bodies as you stood face to face. He had realized many things about you at once. Armin liked the way the wind had blown your hair back from your face, and the way your lips were drawn into a cheeky smile. He suddenly couldn’t feel his feet. The feeling of the cold water around his knees faded into the background as you had become the center of his attention.

Being in your presence was always a surreal experience. Even more so now that Armin got to have you all to himself. The era of Armin yearning from a distance was, for the most part, over. He no longer had the underlying anxiety of wondering if you would ever like him the same way. Even though you’ve said it, it was clearer now that you truly cared for him. He could feel it in the way you held his hand, pointing out the finer details of the world around you. You literally carved your names in wood, and it would be there forever for others to know that you both stood in this very same spot. It felt official, as if a contract had been signed. Armin’s heart pumped doubletime.

A switch had been flipped. A layer of Armin’s adoration towards you had been stripped, and a new fresh wound lay underneath. It seemed to run deeper into Armin’s chest than he anticipated.

“I owe you an apology.” Armin blurted out. You turned to look at him.

“Why?” You questioned.

He inhaled. The words weren’t easy to come off his tongue. Armin wanted to shrug and say he didn’t know, to spare you the bore of him talking. But, you said he could tell you anything…

“I… don’t think I’ve given you the attention you deserve.” He confessed, pulling on his fingers.

You helped yourself to wrap your arms around his middle, giving him the most genuine and warm hug he had ever gotten. The water that you stood in was cold, but your touch had him just about sizzling.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for.” You stated.

Armin gulped at your comment. You resting on him eased his spirit, as if he was forgiven for a sin. He laid his cheek on the top of your head, snuggling into you for the moment. His eyes began to throb, tears threatening to pick behind his eyes. He wasn’t sure what he was about to cry for. Armin’s psyche felt a hue brighter. Suddenly, nothing else seemed to matter to him than you did in this current moment. Armin did not want to taint this memory with tears, so he quickly blinked them back.

You played under the pier for a few hours, as long as it took for mid-afternoon to turn into late evening. You kept reading other names drawn onto the pier leg, trying to find things to pick up and maybe keep as souvenirs, but you didn’t find much. Armin brought it upon himself to start throwing water. You splashed him back. This was maybe the happiest you had ever seen him be.

A weird creepy feeling hit you in the back of the neck. Suddenly, something was off. The hairs on your arm stood up. You got the sensation that you were being watched, stalked from behind. You stopped running around the pier legs, playing into Armin’s silly tag game. You took a sly peak from the corner of your eye before turning completely around.

There was indeed someone behind you, a few feet away. It was unclear what they were doing exactly. They stood still as if you couldn’t see them at all.

“What’s wrong? Are you tired?” Armin asked.

You had become distracted by his voice. In the split second you turned to look at Armin and back at the person, they had already gone. They were there plain as day, Armin must not have seen them before they took off.

“Nothing is wrong.” You said.

Armin approached you slowly, careful not to splash around as much anymore. He wrapped an arm around your back, enclosing you around him in a light hug. He looked in the direction you were staring into, not understanding what had distracted you all of a sudden.

“Let’s go back.” He offered.

—

Armin didn’t let go of your hand once. He held it from the pier all the way back to HQ. His grip tightened when you made it inside and snuck through the halls like two lovestruck shadows. The hallways were clear and quiet. There wasn’t a single person in sight.

“Are you tired?” You hushed.

“No, are you?” Armin asked.

“No…” You trailed off.

Since the hallway was so empty, now seemed to be a perfect time to slip in either of your rooms. You typically snuck off to Armin’s room, which was farther down the hall and had loud door hinges. Your room was closer, only around the corner. “Do you want to come to my room?” You suggested.

A bell had gone off in Armin’s head. He’s never been in your room before, neither here nor on Paradise. He couldn’t begin to imagine what your personal bedroom looked like, although he wondered. Armin nodded his head in agreement. The lump in his throat had formed in seconds, and hindered his speech. The dry mouth didn’t help either.

You promptly grabbed your room key out of your bag, so you wouldn’t have to fumble at the door. You and Armin promptly rounded the corner. You stuck your key in the lock and with just your luck, the key did not turn. You moaned in frustration.

“Sorry. This sticks sometimes.” You explained.

You quietly jiggled the key in the hole, hoping to dislodge the mechanism inside. Of course it would happen now that you’re in a rush. Armin stood close behind you. You could feel his breath on the back of your neck, which only further distracted you. It sent goosebumps down your spine.

He couldn’t help his eyes but to wonder up and down your backside. Armin began to anticipate what possibly could happen once he got inside your room. Anyway he put it in his mind seemed perverted, which isn’t the energy he wanted to give off. He couldn’t wait to hold you close to him and unwind under your sheets. Armin’s head began to pound at the thought of things escalating further.

Armin fumbled with his hands anxiously as you struggled to unlock the door. You shook the handle again, more aggressively this time. Mikasa’s room was catty-cornered from yours, and would definitely see what was going on if she caught wind of suspicious noises in the hall. Armin wasn’t sure how Mikasa felt about you and Armin being together. It never had a chance to be brought up.

And, sometimes, he really disliked being on the same brainwave as Mikasa. They were always very close. At one point in their childhood, Mikasa tested Armin extensively to see if they could read each other's minds. It felt like just as Armin began to worry about being caught by her, Armin happened to notice her door was cracked enough to peek out of. The tip of her red scarf lazily hung through the crack, an eye just barely visible.

Armin quickly glanced between you still trying to break into your room, and Mikasa, who was staring directly into his soul.

“What?” Armin mouthed to her.

She looked Armin up and down once. Her eye squinted. She was definitely judging him. Quietly, she closed her door back.

You managed to successfully turn the key, after spewing swears. The door swung open and you went inside. Armin followed and closed the door behind him.

Armin didn’t allow a second to pass before he had his lips on yours. He held them there for a moment. You were quite surprised, standing in a short jolt of shock. When the familiarity that was Armin as you knew him sunk in, you kissed him back. Both of your lips laced in between each other. He laid his hands on your hips. His fingers lightly dug into your skin. You placed your arms around his shoulders, giving him support as he leaned in most of his body's presence into you.

Your room was still dark. You hadn’t even turned the lights on yet.

Armin took a step forward, causing you to take a step back. Walking while kissing made you miss a few steps. The back of your legs collided with your mattress and you fell backwards, dragging Armin down along with you. He exclaimed when his feet were suddenly taken out from under him, and quickly braced himself so he didn’t completely squish you.

You chuckled rather awkwardly as you were slightly embarrassed for some reason. Your heart thumped in your chest, even your ear drums were feeling the beat. Of course you and Armin were often this close to each other. It was obvious that physical touch was his main method of affection. Both of you were usually staying up extremely late, embracing one another, talking and getting to know each other better. Armin especially liked to fiddle and toy with your hands and fingers, and leave kisses anywhere he was allowed.

Armin giggled as well. You smiled up at him, eyes glowing brightly. Armin lowered his face to yours. He lightly rubbed the tip of his button nose against yours, and then helped himself to another kiss. You gently added your tongue to the equation. Armin melted instantly. Comfortable moans slipped through the both of you. Time seemed to no longer exist. Armin felt like he had been kissing you for ages, but still was not getting enough. His blood started to work harder to flush through his veins.

He wanted more. Armin itched to feel your skin on his, soft and delicate. He remembered how good you felt inside. Not that he ever stopped thinking about it, and how being inside of you felt so right. He never stopped thinking about you. The way you held him, moaned his name and mewed for more, squirming under his touch. With his eyes closed, he could almost taste you again.

Armin broke himself away to collect air.

“Do you want to..? Y’know…” Armin struggled to find his words. He spoke them softly into your jawline as he walked his lips there to leave kisses.

Armin resisted the urge to suck on a perfect spot where his lips grazed your neck, just below your ear. If he left any marks, someone would definitely put the pieces together and know that it was him. Armin most definitely wanted to leave his love bites and bruises on you. His secondary thoughts spun as they thought of all the other places he could freely bite and suck on.

Asking before proceeding was always the right thing to do, but Armin didn’t know why he was blushing harder or how it was possible. He could feel a bashful heat rise in his face.

You knew what he was asking. You wanted to excuse yourself so you could hide your face in a pillow and scream into the down feathers to hide how hot and bothered you had suddenly become. This would be the first time you and Armin would have sex sober.

How would it be different?

The blue in his eyes poured into you inquisitively. They changed from a light cyan to a deep, amorous phthalo. Perhaps it was the trick of the light. His eyelids appeared heavy, no longer staying wide with wonder. He focused on you as if you were a target he was aiming for. Armin’s cheeks were strawberry red, as well as the tip of his nose and ears. He held a small piece of his bottom lip in between his teeth as he patiently waited for an answer.

You wouldn’t ever turn Armin down.

“Yeah, I want to.” You confirmed.

There was zero time to react. Armin sighed in relief and reattached his lips to yours. He was still on top. To make himself more comfortable, Armin put one leg on each side of your hips to straddle you. You could feel how hard he had gotten, making a shiver go from the bottom of your neck and straight down. Your hands went to entangle themselves in his hair that was so soft, it felt as if you were touching nothing. Your nails accidentally scraped the skin of his scalp as you did so. A miniscule whine left Armin’s lungs as he helped himself to kiss at the pulse of your neck.

“I promise I won’t cum before you this time.” Armin stated. The both of you chuckled, smiling into each other.

Both of you began to strip each other of your top layers. Armin’s shirt had been removed, as well as yours and your bra. You took into account how toned he actually was. He was definitely on the leaner side, shoulders and biceps defined with muscle. His abdomen was divided into faint sections of four. Armin wasn’t necessarily gung-ho about training and being physically fit, but it was clear that whatever work he was putting in was paying off.

Bare from the chest down, Armin moved from kissing the sensitive spots on your neck to your collarbone. Then, he moved to give attention to each one of your breasts. He kissed one as he held the other, giving your nipples each an equal amount of pinches and gentle sucking. Armin made his way down your sternum, down your stomach, and met a dead end at your waistline. You still had your pants on.

“Can I taste you again?” He wanted to know. His fingers had already hooked into your belt loops.

You nodded your head in agreement, not even having to think about it. Armin’s lungs filled with excitement. He bit his lip to keep himself from smiling too much while he unbuttoned your pants and took them off for you. He began to tremble slightly from the anticipation of pleasuring you with something he knew you liked, something he was supposedly good at.

You propped yourself up on your elbows to watch Armin make himself comfortable between your thighs. He was on his stomach with his feet hanging off the side of the bed. Just for a moment, Armin paused to look back up at you. He wanted to see if there was any hesitation behind your eyes. If there was, that would be okay. But he was practically praying that there wasn’t. He gently wrapped his arms around your tights.

Armin took the kind smile you laid on your lips to be a go ahead, reading your mind perfectly. He helped himself down to give your clit two clear kisses, and began to lick ever so gently. The last thing you saw was the top of Armin’s blonde hair, his face tucked away. You closed your eyes and laid back to let Armin do his thing.

Armin’s hands dug into the meat of your thighs and his arms had tightened into a gentle hug once you began to wiggle and whimper under his tongue. He changed from giving your clit smooth licks, to licking through your pussy. He lapped at everything you had to offer like a pup to water on a hot day. Armin removed one hand to dip a single finger into you, leaving nothing untouched.

“So good.” He whispered.

Using his tongue and fingers, Armin created a rhythm that he could keep up with. He managed to work his way up to two fingers inside of you, teasing at the spot inside that had his name written all over it. Armin focused his tongue back to your clit, sucking and licking them interchangeably.

You were on cloud nine. This time around was better than the first. It would technically be Armin’s second time going down on anyone, but he performed like he knew what he was doing. You didn’t quite understand it, but if he was doing it this well then did it actually matter? You kept your noises to a minimum out of courtesy. A hand had made root in Armin’s hair, tugging at his locks. Armin’s one free hand reached for yours.

Enthralled in the pleasure he was giving, you had your eyes closed shut. Armin kept his wide open, unable to look at anything else. His vision tunneled from his job between your legs, to the sight of you squirming and huffing under his touch. Even before that fateful night in the tent, he had fantasized about pleasuring you in any way he could in any way you liked. Besides knowing what was outside of the walls, all Armin ever wanted was you.

A cord in your abdomen began to tighten and tighten. You knew you were coming close to an orgasm, but you didn’t want to just yet. You let Armin finger until you couldn’t take anymore. You tapped his shoulder.

“Stop, I-I don’t want to come yet.” You puffed.

Armin halted without comment. The corner of his mouth drew upwards in a shy smile. His eyes were swimming with lust, pupils blown out and dark. He used the back of his hand to quickly wipe his lips before glossing them back up your body. Armin kissed you. You could taste the faint tinge of yourself on his face and on his tongue.

A brief make out distracted Armin long enough for you to slip your hand in between your bodies and start messing with the button and zipper of his pants, which he had kept on. Armin gasped when your chilly hand found it’s way inside and around his cock. His mouth fell open with shaky sighs and moans as you began to work your hand up and down his shaft.

Armin was hard as stone. He was of decent thickness and length. Your core fluttered at the memory of how he filled and stretched you out so wonderfully. His cock flexed and twitched in your hand. You had only worked your wrist a few times up and a few times down, Armin was already panting and sweating.

“I wanna be inside you,” he huffed in your ear. You smiled into his shoulder. He almost sounded as if he was begging.

You released your grip to give Armin space so he could shimmy out of his pants. Once they were tossed to the side and he had settled comfortably on top of you, Armin gave you one deep kiss. His breath hitched inside his throat as he sunk himself inside of you. His whine grasped your attention. Your eyes flipped open to check on him. Your vision was met with the top of Armin’s blonde hair. His face looked down to where you both were connected.

“Are you okay?” You question.

Armin nodded. With his eyes closed, he took in a giant gulp of oxygen as he lowered himself onto his forearms. He was cautious not to put all of his weight onto you. Armin buried his face in the spot between your shoulder and neck. He spoke low, his voice sizzling in your ear.

“Forgot how tight you were.” He quietly confessed.

A little laugh escaped your lungs as he laid on top of you, chest to chest, as he pushed himself deeper. Your body recalled the way Armin filled you up. The stretch of him felt nice, a perfect fit and balance of length and size as if he had been molded just for you. Armin stayed still for a moment after making himself comfortable. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, fingertips pressing into his skin.

He moved his head so his nose touched yours. He wanted to be as close to you as he possibly could. Being literally inside of you almost wasn’t enough. You being sheathed around him was as close as he could ever get, so warm and so snug. Armin kept his composure, as he tried not to climax upon impact. He worked his hips slowly against you, impossible to restrain his breaths of satisfaction.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful.”

With the compliment rolling off his tongue, Armin met his lips to yours. You embraced him tightly, holding him against you as you felt like you were floating. He took your bottom lip between his teeth and tugged, his moans spilling into your mouth. They were low and breathless, just loud enough for only you to hear. His thrust increased, still slow and loving, but more emphasis was added as he pushed back up side of you.

As he did so, Armin realized that your bed was slightly unsteady. It rocked as he did. And somewhere in the screws of the frame was a rather annoying squeaking sound. It might have just been his ears playing tricks, but he swore it got louder as he kept going.

“Your bed is very noisy.” Armin commented, chuckling and slowing down his pace to cease the squeaking. You swallowed.

“No one will hear, I promise.” You said.

Armin had to catch his breath over what you were saying. He inhaled deeply again, getting a good whiff of your hair. Armin let his hips have a break, staying still at his last thrust upward. You felt the tip of his dick touching the particular spot you liked. Armin put his forehead to yours and looked you straight in the eye.

“Are you sure?” He asked. Armin looked deep into you, scanning for any amount of uncertainty.

A shiver went through your spine. Armin stared at you with an erotic gloss coating his eyes. It must be a signature of his. However, there was an icy focus to his irises. You saw an idea fly into his mind. His tone had changed, as did the rest of his aura. Everything had gone a shade darker, Armin being the only one taking up your entire vision. The world seemed to not exist outside of him being on top of you.

“Yes.” You cautiously replied. Whatever he was about to challenge you with, you accepted it.

Armin believed you. If there was no chance anyone would hear, then he didn’t see a point in trying to keep quiet. There was more privacy in a hotel room than there was behind a tapestry.

He leaned in for another kiss. Armin’s lips fell onto yours, haphazardly kissing you with no real pattern. Your tongues moved around each other recklessly. Armin pulled his hips all the way back, and snapped forward with little mercy. He repeated the same motion again, and again, and again. Your eyes clamped shut, seeing strange sparks of colors and shapes.

“Does this feel good? Hmm?” Armin panted in your ear, desperation entangled in his question. His breath was warm and rumbled as low as his voice could go. You nodded your head.

“K-Keep going. Don’t stop.” You confirmed, swallowing your encouraging words as Armin continued.

It was all Armin really needed to hear. He snaked both of his hands down your arms and to your hands, locking his fingers in between yours. Without a single que, your hands flopped to the top of your head, being pinned down by a weight on your palms. Armin melodically sighed. Lewd moans were exchanged in between each other as Armin began to fuck you threefold.

“I won’t stop, baby. I-I… I can’t stop.” Armin huffed pathetically.

Right now, his main focus was how well he fit buried deep inside of you. Armin swore he never had a stronger sense of belonging than here in this moment. He could feel the tip of his cock prodding at your soft walls. The way you squeezed around him had Armin crumbling around you. You smelled nice, as per usual. Armin could still smell traces of the ocean salt in your hair and on your skin, which was soft and supple as it rubbed up against him. Armin’s hands gripped yours tighter.

The sound of bodies hitting together could almost drown out the bothersome squeaking of your bed frame. You hardly paid attention to it. You were too consumed in the ecstasy Armin was putting down. You drank in every word he spoke. His trimmed hair below his beltline made perfect friction on your clit as Armin bore down hard when he thrusted into you. You were so full of him, anymore might be too much. You were already sensitive from his tongue lapping at you moments before. This was just enough to send you over the edge.

Armin freed your hands from above your head. Blood started to circulate back into your wrists. He then placed both of his hands on each side of your face, cradling you softly. Both of your eyes flipped open at the same time, directly looking at each other. Armin sheepishly smiled. It was impossible to look anywhere else. He held your face exactly where he wanted, maintaining eye contact as you fell closer and closer to coming undone. You held onto his shoulders, digging your nails into his warm skin.

You could feel your stomach tighten and the muscles in your core swell. You whispered how you were close, so close, so so close while Armin kept his fast pace. He let his hips go as they naturally could, not really having a specific rhythm.

“I’m gonna come,” You smaller voice was swept in the wave of Armin’s moans. He put his forehead to yours.

“I won’t until you do…” Armin exhaled.

Just a few more pumps into you, and Armin had you splintering from reality. A wash of relief finally crashed down. You throbbed around him. You knew he could feel you coming to orgasm. Armin’s hips wobble for one single second, a rather delirious laugh cracked from his throat. He could feel you drowning in your orgasm. You clenched around him, sucking and pulling under the waves with you.

Armin removed himself posthaste. Your head was still spinning and your consciousness was jaded. You sat up again on your elbows in time to watch Armin relieve himself right onto your stomach. Some white ropes had jumped all the way to your chest. His eyes were squeezed shut and his jaw hung open while he worked his wrist around his dick until he was satisfied.

Then, he flopped next to you on his back, his shoulder slightly over yours. You laid together in a thick fog of post-sex silence, catching your breaths and letting your brains reset. Your first coherent thought that came to mind was to clean Armin’s mess from your skin. Second, perhaps to bring Armin a glass of water. His face was beaten with red splotches as if he had run laps around the world. There was a thin shine of sweat to his forehead. You twisted the knob on your bedside lamp, and got up to do so.

“Where are you going?” Armin asked. Like a frog to a fly, his reflexes were quick. Before you could get too far, he lightly grabbed your hand.

“I’m going to clean up, and then bring you some water.” You stated with a smile, giving his hand a little squeeze.

Armin’s heart pinged. He smiled back at you, only because he was still too loopy to form a proper sentence. He watched you sashay away to your private bathroom, admiring the view of your naked backside. Once you had disappeared, Armin fell back onto your mattress. A puff of your smell wafted around him like an amorous security blanket. He inhaled deeply. If he snuggled into your blankets enough, perhaps your smell would rub on him too.

Armin nestled under your blanket and made himself comfortable. While he did so, he realized that there was still a significant amount of space left, even if you were laying down next to him. In Armin’s hotel bed, there was barely enough room to fit the both of you but you still managed to make it work.

“You know, your bed is a lot bigger than mine.” He commented.

You snorted from your spot in the bathroom. You had cleaned yourself off and thrown on a shirt you had. Then, you filled up a glass of water in the sink, took a few sips for yourself, and filled it back up again.

“Yeah, it’s bigger than my bed back home too. Actually, this entire room is about three times the size of my actual bedroom. I don’t even have a…”

You stopped talking at the sight of Armin completely passed out in your bed. He was literally awake and talking two seconds ago. His face was still flushed with pink, not as red anymore, and his breathing was still heavy. Armin was curled up on his side.

As quietly and as carefully as possible, you crawled up next to him and turned the light back out. Your vision adjusted to the darkness. You swore you could feel his heartbeat bang through the sheets. Holding onto that sound, you fell asleep not long after he did. -- thank you. reblogs and feedback are appreciated! arlertwitch © 2023. all rights reserved. do not translate or repost any works by @ambassadorarlert on any other platforms. violators will be prosecuted in accordance within the law.

#bye this took so long #armin imagine #armin arlert #armin arlert x reader #armin x y/n #armin x fem reader #armin x you #armin x reader #armin x afab reader #armin fic #armin smut #armin one shot #armin oneshot #attack on titan #heat waves #my writing

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levi-supreme · 3 months

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Rei's Birthday Event: Spring date with Levi

Characters: Post war!Levi x Survey Corps fem!reader

Genre: SNK!canonverse

Warnings: SFW, fluff. Reader insert (y/n). SNK final season spoilers!!!! Some references to the canon events of snk (slight mentions of depressive episodes, mentions of death etc).

Word count: 3.6k

A/N: Thank you very much to my dear anon Victoria for the request!! I actually have two very similar spring time date requests, as such I decided to tweak this up a little. There will be mentions and references to canon events, but nothing angsty at all!!

I'm sorry this took so long to complete, and I'm still going through a bad writer's block lol but thank you to everyone for being so patient! I hope you all like this <3

Read the original request here.

"Levi Heichou!" You called out, excited to see your lover appear before you.

"Tch, I told you so many times before to drop the shitty title, we're no longer in the Corps anymore," Levi rolled his eye—his good one—as he approached you. His hair was neatly combed back, his fedora in his lap. Levi was wearing a simple white button shirt with black long pants. His hair had grown longer; his fringe now growing past his eye. You missed how he used to keep his hair short, but you loved how nice Levi looked with longer hair too.

You looked hard at Levi, studying every line and wrinkle you see, and the barely visible strands of grey on his ebony hair. Years of fighting on the front line had taken a toll on his body more than you liked, even though he claimed it didn't really affect him much since he had the Ackerman bloodline.

Although the war ended, you knew Levi still wasn't at peace. You could tell he was restless, he didn't like being cooped up at home. His eyes didn't seem to have life in them like they used to, and he just seemed so sluggish all the time. You knew Levi wasn't sleeping well too; sometimes the ache in his knee woke him up, and sometimes, it was the demons Levi were fighting in his head. Levi didn't say it, but you knew he missed the old life, the one where he spent half his life fighting for a cause he believed in, and now that he fulfilled his mission, his life felt aimless; he didn't know what to do, and what to continue living for.

It took you a long while to convince Levi to even agree to step out of the house and go on this picnic date, and deep down, you knew you had to make every minute out with him worthwhile.

"What are you staring at?" Levi's voice brought you back to the present, "thinking of something?"

"Nah, I'm just thinking of asking Mikasa to send me some of those pearl eye cream from Hizuru. You know, the one Lady Kiyomi sent her for her birthday?" you answered, bringing a pair of shoes and putting them on for Levi, "I heard they're good for reducing wrinkles, especially around the eyes."

Levi's eye narrowed. "Oi. Are you saying—"

"Did Big Sister y/n just call Uncle Levi old?!" A high pitched voice came from the kitchen, and you felt an impact around your midsection. A few moments later, a head of blonde hair appeared by your side too. "Big Sister y/n just said Uncle Levi has wri—"

"Gabi! Shush—" Falco covered Gabi's mouth while she tried to wiggle herself free. You giggled and glanced at Levi who was eyeing the three of you, and quickly tried to separate the younger ones.

"Oi. You brats. Ganging up on me now?" Levi crossed his arms, looking utterly displeased. Falco continued covering Gabi's mouth while she tried to stomp on his foot.

"Of course not, Levi, we wouldn't dare to offend our elders do we, kids?" You joked, earning another stare from Levi. Before he could say anything, you quickly ran into the kitchen with Gabi and Falco.

"Big Sister y/n!!! Did you see Uncle Levi's face when you talked about wrinkles?" Gabi laughed while Falco appeared with a picnic basket in tow.

"Shut up, Gabi! Uncle Levi and Big Sister are late for their date already, stop disturbing them!" Falco sighed and tried to pull Gabi away, "here, Big Sister, I hope you and Uncle Levi have lots of fun today!"

You nodded and waved the kids goodbye and went outside, looking again at Levi who still had his arms across his chest. Onyankopon was right behind Levi, giving you a smile.

"Come on brat, let's go." Levi rolled his eye again as you passed the picnic basket to Onyankopon. Pushing Levi's wheelchair, Onyankopon told you to wait by the pavement as he went to drive the car over.

"... do I really have wrinkles?" Levi muttered once Onyankopon left. You snorted and tried to hide it with a small cough.

"Hmm… well… I mean, uh… your crow's feet do seem to be… uh—"

"Fine. Enough." Onyankopon arrived and Levi dismissed you, clearly knowing the answer in his heart. You giggled as he came out to help Levi up into the car while you kept his wheelchair in the boot.

"The weather today is lovely," Onyankopon smiled as he began driving, "it's a good day to be out in the sun."

"And yet, she still does not want to tell me what we're doing today."

"You'll find out later." You chuckled again holding Levi's hand, watching the scenery outside pass by. You sought help from Onyankopon and the kids weeks ago to look for nice picnic spots in Marley. With the spring breeze flowing and the flowers blooming, you thought it would be a perfect opportunity to spend undisturbed time with Levi. You thought a change of scenery might do him some good too; to help him out of this depressive state. After another quarter, Onyankopon stopped the car near the park and went to take Levi's wheelchair out.

"I'll pick you two up at eight, is that okay, y/n?" You checked your watch and it was a little past four. You nodded your head and thanked Onyankopon before taking the picnic basket and another bag from the front seat. Placing the picnic basket on Levi's lap, you helped him put on his fedora and his eye patch before wheeling him ahead.

"So, are you going to tell me why we are here in this godforsaken place?" Levi questioned you again as you began pushing him on a stony path.

"I'm taking you out on a date, obviously." You teased him again as you suddenly pushed him faster, causing his fedora to nearly fly away. Levi tutted angrily and said you should never be allowed to push his wheelchair again.

A few moments later, you and Levi arrived at a shop offering bicycles for rent. You paid the shopkeeper some money and then he rode a quadricycle over. You took the picnic basket and bag from Levi's lap and placed it in the front seats of the quadricycle. Once more, Levi gave you a look of confusion.

"Well, up now, I rented this for the day," you gestured. Levi awkwardly looked away, subconsciously placing his hand on his bad knee and grimaced, knowing that you of all people should know how he wasn't like before. What were you thinking, making him cycle when you knew it was going to be hard for him?

"Come on, Levi, stop depending on that wheelchair. You have to prevent your knee from becoming worse, right?" You smiled encouragingly, offering your hand out. You had expected that Levi would be unhappy, but you likewise knew that you shouldn't treat him differently from before. Whether or not he was Levi Heichou of the Survey Corps, or now as Levi the war veteran, he was still Levi—the Levi you loved. Whether he had physical disabilities or not, Levi was still the man you want to spend the rest of eternity with. You didn't want to push him, you wanted Levi to get out of this self-pitying state himself. After a long while, Levi held your hand and pushed himself up from the wheelchair. Slowly but steadily, you guided Levi up on the seat of the quadricycle, placing his feet on the pedals.

"W-wait. What about the wheel—"

"Don't worry, sir, your item will be safely kept here." The shopkeeper kindly replied and Levi seemed to relax a little. It was hard trying to move around without the wheelchair, but maybe you were right. He should try to depend on it less. "We'll close at around 10pm, so please remember to come by before then." The both of you nodded and you took your seat on the left. Looking at Levi, you gave him another smile and asked if he was ready. You could see Levi massaging his knee again. Levi took a deep breath and sighed, telling you to start pedalling.

It was hard at first, but Levi gradually got used to the momentum again. The both of you kept your pace slow, taking your time to enjoy the scenery passing by, the sound of birds chirping, and the gentle rustling of leaves. The sun was obscured by the clouds and there wasn't much of a crowd as well. You saw Levi's face relax gradually, the crease on his forehead slowly disappearing. Levi seemed to be more at ease with paddling on the quadricycle as well. You smiled to yourself. Bringing Levi out was indeed doing him well.

"Are you doing okay?" You checked in with your lover, making sure he wasn't overexerting himself. After he gave you a nod, you pointed to a large shady tree about 200 metres away, telling Levi that it was the next stop. Reaching the tree, you told Levi to remain seated first.

"Are you up for a walk?"

"... Hah?"

"A walk, Levi. Let's go for a walk."

"N-no, I don't think I can—"

"We'll walk slowly. Forget about the walking stick. You don't need it, I'm here."

Levi looked hard at you, face remaining emotionless. The frown on Levi's face became more and more evident as the seconds passed. You continued to stare right into Levi's eye, your resolve unwavering. A few seconds later, Levi broke eye contact and sighed again before reaching out his hand towards your direction.

"You better not make me regret this," Levi muttered under his breath, "you're forcing a crippled man to walk when you jolly well know he can't." You rolled your eyes.

"First off, Levi"—you took his hand and slowly guided him down the quadricycle—"you're not crippled. Secondly, you walk fine. Thirdly, think of this as rehabilitation, hmm? And lastly, stop complaining like an old man." You stood on Levi's right side and interlocked your arm with his, making sure he wasn't putting too much pressure on his knee.

"Where are we going?"

"Not far. We're just going to that small pond over there," you pointed towards a pond just in front, "let's go and feed some ducks." Levi scoffed hearing you.

"As long as they keep their feathers and shit to themselves."

The walk to the small pond was slow but pleasant. The heat from the sun was warm against your skin, the scent of the earth was refreshing. Levi held on to his fedora as the wind blew gently, and the sound of the grass and gravel crunching underneath your feet was playing like a contrasting melody. Once you two reached the pond, you opened your sling bag and took out a slice of white bread. Levi raised his eyebrow slightly.

"These are stale bread from a week ago." You chuckled before tearing it into half, passing one to Levi. You further tore your half into more tiny pieces before throwing them little by little into the pond. Some of the ducks in the pond started waddling over. Several tortoises also popped their heads above the water. There were also fishes fighting amongst themselves for the last few pieces. Levi looked at you before tearing the bread in his hand, scattering them all across the pond. The fishes and ducks dispersed and finished all those pieces of bread within the next minute.

"Do you have more bread on you?" Levi asked as he finished scattering the last few pieces of bread in his hand. You laughed and took out a few more slices.

"Maybe we can go to the pier next time," you commented once those hungry birds finished all the bread in your bag, "we should try feeding the seagulls." Levi scoffed again and let you hold on to his elbow.

"Tch. And have them shit on our heads? No."

The both of you began walking back to the quadricycle. Reaching into another bag, you took out a small paper kite. Levi raised his eyebrow again.

"Do you like it? I had Gabi and Falco do it together with me." You smiled and flipped the kite over, letting Levi see the doodles they did. Levi smirked when he realised who the five blobs of colour drawn on the kite were. You held onto the string and passed Levi the kite, telling him to lift the kite above his head while you moved back.

"OKAY, LEVI, THROW THE KITE HIGH AFTER I COUNT TO THREE!" You shouted and Levi gave you the thumbs up. After counting to three, Levi threw the kite high and you jogged backwards, pulling the string up to get the kite into the sky. Releasing the string bit by bit, Levi slowly made his way to your side as the kite now started flying a short distance away. You gave Levi a smile and tied the string around the tree trunk before going to the quadricycle, taking out the picnic basket and setting the mat.

"Now… let's see what the kids made for our picnic." You rubbed your palms together excitedly and opened the basket. You took out a container of hot stew, some freshly baked sourdough bread, cheese, mushroom quiche, and a small container of fruits too. You arranged the food on the mat and took out the bowls, cutlery, and a few serviettes. Pouring some stew into the small bowl, you passed it to Levi's left before giving him the spoon.

"It seems pretty decent," Levi uttered as he took a spoonful of stew and eyed you, "are you sure they did it all on their own?" You ate some stew and nodded.

"Well, Onyankopon did give them pointers, and I was the one who gave them the recipes, but yeah. The kids made it all by themselves. Not bad, huh? Maybe we should let them open a small food stall along the streets." you took another few mouthfuls of stew, "it's time for them to contribute to the household finances." Levi tutted angrily instead.

"They're too young to be doing shit like that, you brat. Don't be ridiculous."

You giggled, cutting some mushroom quiche for Levi. "I'm joking. Of course I wouldn't let Falco and Gabi do something like that. " The crease on Levi's forehead disappeared again as he ate, passing you his bowl for more stew. Levi and you took your time savouring the good food prepared by the two kids. It was pretty decent, and indeed you were secretly thinking of letting them open a small food business once they are of age.

Once all the food was finished, you told Levi to pack everything fast. Bewildered, Levi didn't say anything, yet he wondered what you were up to again. You got Levi up onto the quadricycle again and told him that there was one place you wanted to bring him. Stopping the quadricycle, you helped Levi down and laced your arm around his again, walking him to some benches ahead. The park was located right next to the sea, and it was pretty empty, just the way you hoped.

"Come on," you muttered as you helped him down, walking towards the bench, "we're just in time."

"For what?"

"You'll see."

Taking your seats on the bench, you checked your watch before glancing ahead again, looking at the dispersing clouds. Before long, the sun started to set, painting the sky a beautiful hue of red, orange, and yellow. You could feel Levi let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and you grabbed his hand, feeling your fingers interlock. The both of you continued to stare silently at the magnificent view ahead, watching the sun descend lower and lower, listening to the waves crashing on the shore, feeling the wind blowing against your skin. You could feel Levi's calloused fingers caressing your knuckles, and the familiarity tickled something in your memory.

"Brings back memories, huh, Heichou," you peeked at Levi, seeing him trying to hide a small smile as well, "we used to do this all the time." Levi hummed in agreement, keeping his eye on the sunset instead.

"I still think the view from the top of the walls were nicer though"—you let go of Levi's hand and stretched your hands—"it was higher, more windy, less obstruction, and more—"

"And more dangerous," Levi frowned as he interjected. You laughed once more, closing your eyes to feel the wind in your hair again. You thought back to the reason why you decided to bring Levi out today, and even though you knew it might make him unhappy, you also knew you had to talk to him about it. Minutes later, the sun had already gone below the horizon, and the sky was gradually getting darker as well. Soon, the lamps nearby slowly started lighting up.

"Say, Levi," you broke the silence once more and Levi hummed in acknowledgement again, "do you… miss the old days?"

"... why'd you ask?"

"I miss those days too, you know. I miss all our friends and comrades too. Every single one of them. Every day."

Levi didn't say a word. You guessed he was probably upset. Yet, you took a deep breath and decided to just tell him the words on your mind.

"I know it's not easy for you to, I don't know, adapt to a normal life again seeing how you've been in the Corps for nearly half your life. B-but, I just don't want to see you wallowing in self-pity, okay? It hurts me to see you like this.

"I don't care whether or not you have missing eyes and fingers, I don't care if you have to be in a wheelchair forever. I'll gladly feed your meals and bathe you, I'll wear your shoes for you and I'll push you wherever you want to go. We'll hunt around Marley to look for beautiful spots to watch the sunset and the stars. I love you for who you are, and that will never change. Falco and Gabi love their Uncle Levi too. So, j-just, don't give up, okay?"

"Who said anything about giving up?" Levi turned to you, a look of annoyance appeared on his face.

"W-well, I don't know, you're always looking so listless, and you're not eating and sleeping well. I haven't seen you smile in a long time. And once I saw you staring at the mirror looking like you're abo—"

"Hey, hey, stop it, okay? Stop worrying. I'm fine. Really." Levi held your hand and gave you a squeeze. "I'm fine. I'm dealing with it, okay? It's, it's j-just—I'm—"

"Shh. It's okay. I get it. I get you." you hushed him, gently holding him close. You didn't need to see Levi's face to know that he was probably going to tear up, a side of him that will never be seen by anyone else; anyone except you. "Everything will be alright, I promise you. I won't leave you. I'll be by your side."

The both of you remained in each other's embrace, letting your hug do the talking. Patting Levi's back rhythmically, you heard him let out a long sigh before pulling you even closer, tightening his grip around your waist as he buried his head in the crook of your shoulder. You didn't feel the need to ask Levi what he was thinking about, and likewise, Levi knew you wouldn't ask him about it. After a long while, Levi finally loosened his grip around you. The moon was hanging high in the sky and the wind was getting colder. The stars shone like little specks of glitter in the ink-coloured sky.

"Feeling better?"

"Y-yeah, better," Levi hastily wiped the remnants of tears from his cheek, "thank y-yo—

—you interrupted Levi mid-sentence with a soft kiss.

"I love you, Levi. Always remember that. Hmm? I mean it." you gave him another small smile before stroking his cheek, pressing another fleeting kiss on his chapped lips. Levi's larger hand cupped yours as he kissed you back, feeling like time around him stopped, and nothing else in the world mattered. The feeling of your lips on his, the coldness of your cheeks, the warmth from your body; they were real, and a reminder that he was still here, and he was still alive.

Levi broke the kiss first, struggling to find the right words to say while he looked at you. Chuckling, you gave him another smile and mouthed it's okay once more. Levi was never good with words and he was never a good talker, but it never bothered you anyway. Levi gave you an appreciative look while you looked at your watch.

"Come on, Levi. Let's get back to the bicycle shop."

Helping Levi on his feet, you guided him up the quadricycle and the both of you slowly cycled back to the shop. Thanking the shopkeeper for keeping Levi's wheelchair safe, you opened it and gestured to Levi to take his seat, yet Levi shook his head instead.

"Let's walk to the main entrance. There's still time, right?" Levi offered to hold the picnic basket and kite while another hand held your arm for support. You tried to hide your smile as you both walked, listening to the owls hooting in the far distance. Onyankopon's car was already waiting outside by the time you reached the entrance. Seeing Levi walking next to you, a wide smile broke across Onyankopon's face as well.

The journey back home was quiet, yet Levi felt like the weight had been finally lifted off his shoulders. You held on to Levi's hand as he laid on your shoulder, drifting somewhere between sleep and consciousness. Levi knew his road to recovery would not be an easy one. But with you by his side, it was like he found his wings of freedom once more. And for the first time in a long while, Levi went to sleep with a smile.

Disclaimer: This is my first time writing hurt/comfort so I understand if it sucks and there's no hurt or comfort at all LOL I prommie I'll do better for the rest of the requests 🥺

Tagging: @levi-lover @ack3rlady @cinnamonlevi @imkumichan @kristinecharmm @notgoodforlife @jean-prettyboy-kirschtein @evas-leslas @sweet-assh0le @hannie2kay @levislovingwife @galactict3a @hauntedhousecat @suukee @thesimpsstuff @ackermendick @greenfurret @jayteacups @nelapanela94 @postwarlevi @levisbrat25 @ladycheesington @svftackerman @chaotic-nick @lilshades @youre-ackermine

Rei’s Birthday Event master list | Rei’s Springtime Event grand master list

Event tag list | Rei’s tag list

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poptart-productions · 2 years

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Crazy In Love

[eren jaeger boyfriend headcanons]

pairing // eren jaeger x black! reader

content // y/n in their loner arc, some nsfw mostly fluff, stoner! eren, mechanic! eren, streamer/gamer! eren, swearing, spoilers for s4 bc there are some ppl who haven’t watched yet

a/n // been getting back into my aot obsession

applies to both modern and canon eren

this is more of a drabble than a one shot but if you want more of this au. . .shawty all you gotta do is ask

gender isn’t really mentioned but eren’s stream does call you mommy at one point, just ignore it otherwise

streamer! eren is in the works rn tbh

——————————✩———————————

ੈ✩ | so modern/high school eren pre time skip is an absolute menace

ੈ✩ | he behaved for a week and then all that went out the window when jean said something under his breath

ੈ✩ | genuinely has anger issues, adhd, and depression—which he tends to show through unbridled rage

ੈ✩ | you’d be lying if you said he didn’t catch your eye; he was attractive and was in a trio when you ain’t even got one true friend. but he had three, and he didn’t seem to need or even want any more

ੈ✩ | that’s why it is so fucking hard to get close to this nigga; there were times he was such a dick to you for no reason—if it’s any consolation he feels like shit about that and ten times out of ten it never had anything to do with you

ੈ✩ | gremlin eren? gremlin eren

ੈ✩ | this nigga can never shut up, and while mikasa is the number one person who gets him to stop acting up, she gets ACTIVE when he’s in a losing fight

ੈ✩ | eventually he got in trouble so much that his ass got expelled, his father—after trying literally everything else, got him a medical marijuana card—mans said “bet” and never stopped since

ੈ✩ | OKAY NOW MODERN MANBUN EREN—in the time that he was gone, mikasa and armin took you under their wing, becoming your first real friends; and as they made you comfortable, you started coming into your own more

ੈ✩ | you’d heard about eren’s whereabouts, and knew they talked to him about you, but you always refused to talk to him when given the chance because there was a time where you GENUINELY thought he hated you

ੈ✩ | everyone on tumblr says he’s a stoner and i have no choice but to agree—like that’s why he’d be so mellowed out, and with no titans he’d be the coolest mf out there

ੈ✩ | then when mikasa found out you had a thing for him since freshmen year she finally gets the gang back together four years later—she 100% snitched and bro. . .you almost didn’t recognize him as he walked into the karaoke bar

ੈ✩ | he’d grown his hair out—he had just grown in general, shooting from 5’11 to 6’3, and he’s gotten some tattoos as well

ੈ✩ | your jaw went slack as you gaped at mikasa who only gave you knowing glance

ੈ✩ | not only that, but his voice has gotten an unbelievable amount of bass to it—you almost zoned out every-time it was his turn to sing

ੈ✩ | eren knows how short life is—and he goes after what he wants—he always has, but tbh younger eren never had romantic interest and for the longest time he was a closeted aromantic—getting off-topic but that changed as he grew and he asked you out immediately on a count of what i said before

ੈ✩ | guy is still aromantic but does experience love (though mostly platonic) for very few people,

ੈ✩ | because of that, his confession is the most genuine thing you’ve ever heard—“i didn’t realize it then, but i’d always felt different about you”

“you’re so precious, and sweet and kind—and you’re so fucking good to others, and i thought it was a prank or something when you tried to talk to me—but fuck, when mikasa told me you used to like me, i couldn’t miss the opportunity so i gotta ask. . .”

“would you go out with me?”—and coming from the dude you’ve been crushing on for years and being a person who no one has ever expressed romantic interest to over things you can’t control, you did in fact start crying

ੈ✩ | because he’s so hard to get close to, he’s had many pick-me’s try—even in his gremlin arc—thinking they was in a romance webtoon; jumping in while he was beating the shit out of whoever—“eren, look at me! this isn’t you!”

ੈ✩ | fuck your insecurities about that though because eren is literally the sweetest and most affirming person out there once you get to know him

ੈ✩ | surprisingly a hopeless romantic—only for you—he’s your biggest supporter and he simps so hard. your first date is a picnic, he asked jean—after he apologized and they formed a friendship—to help him throw together a little spread for you

ੈ✩ | he’s absolutely in love with you and will do anything for you

ੈ✩ | your race has so little bearing on your relationship but every once in a while he’ll randomly remember he’s got a melanated lover—and what new circumstances that brings

ੈ✩ | like when he’ll just a get a call a from you at three a.m and answers thinking he’s gonna get some ass and you just start crying

“babe i’ve been doing my hair since 10 p.m and it’s not even halfway done—and i’m so fucking tired but if i. . .” you sniffle, “if i go to sleep now i can’t go to class because my hair looks like shit”

“babe, what are you talking about, why is it—?”

he eventually comes over because he’s so confused as to what’s taking so long, but after he offered to help you and he made you cry even more he understood—nigga broke a sweat tryna wrangle that shit

y’all gave up and decided to miss out on class and tackle it in the morning; he helps you wrap it up and you guys—despite saying you were tired for an hour you could go to sleep so just watched coryxkenshin until the sun came up

ੈ✩ | he’s not only white, but he’s white-european he simply does not understand these things

ੈ✩ | but the fact that he makes an effort to understand your culture in the first place will literally make you cry sometimes—like you can visibly see him fighting his adhd so he can listen to you talk about your hair or what a ‘black card’ is and you always reward him with a kiss for listening to you

ੈ✩ | once he gets it though he’s hard chilling. you notice he started to use more aave; and he started paying for you to get your hair done bc he’s a trust fund kid, and he will always respect the amount of effort that goes into it. he’s also like, super into using aave and slang—he uses it more than you, and even knows the uncle ruckus joke despite NEVER watching boondocks in his life; he doesn’t think he’s black but. . .y’know. and it only gets worse when he meets your family

ੈ✩ | your mother LOVES him, and is constantly telling you that she wants him as her son-in-law, he’s repsectful, handsome, strong, and hard-working—she will literally never forgive you if you let him go

ੈ✩ | EREN. JAEGER. AT. A. COOKOUT.

ੈ✩ | if it’s his first one he’s super jittery and nervous at first. but eren’s a super chill dude so if you have to leave him alone he’ll be cool with anyone

ੈ✩ | your uncles wanna sit in the driveway and pop a cold one? sign him up. your little cousins/siblings swear they can beat him in mario kart? they fucking wish, your aunts wanna sit and talk shit—he was doing that anyway—he’s a super friendly person and he gets along well with anyone

ੈ✩ | will literally film tiktoks with you at the family cookout despite hating having pictures or videos taken of him—he sees how happy you are so he doesn’t care

ੈ✩ | i feel like eren has a very physical job and streams part time for funsies. so yeah when he tells your family that he’s a mechanic when they ask they literally erupt

ੈ✩ | because he’s so hard-working, your aunts love him—constantly making him plates and taking care of him and such

ੈ✩ | and if you have any messy in-laws that try to talk shit or get with him he will deadass call them out

all those years of playing COD made his trash talk elite. . .shit. . .

“how you gon’ talk about my baby when your edges ain’t laid?”

“get your fucking teeth straight before you talk shit”

ੈ✩ | it’s the fact that he did not stop—like homegirl deadass was on the brink of tears and had to leave; nobody liked her anyway so he was good

ੈ✩ | jacked as fuck so just casually holds you down when he doesn’t want you to leave

ੈ✩ | demands kisses at all times; good morning kiss, goodnight kiss, hello kiss, good bye kiss, or just because you’re looking too damn fine

ੈ✩ | shows you off on stream.

“eren, baby—oh shit, are you streaming? my fault” your heart drops as you see yourself in the viewfinder, and you back out of the room—hiding yourself behind the door

“hang on guys—oh no babe, you’re fine”

you thought you had embarrassed him by pulling up in your pajamas but the chat was in love

you hesitantly inch closer as the chat continues to go wild

‘mommy? sorry, mommy?”

‘GAHHDAMN 🥲🕶️👌”

‘oh they fine alright”

“what did you wanna tell me?” he takes off his headset, giving you his undivided attention.

“i was gonna tell you to stop screaming”

“oh damn, you coulda kept that to yourself then” his face stiffened, half-heartedly and he turned back to the game

chuckling, you begin to walk away,

“wait~” he whines, “come here” his voice lowers as you walk toward him, already knowing what he was going to ask

you give him a kiss and pull away very quickly because you know eren too well

“i love you,” his whispers against your lips, “i love you too”

you say goodbye to his viewer and head out to continue your studies

“that’s my lover” you hear him state proudly as you closed the door

ੈ✩ | ngl, i feel like canon! eren pre-timeskip would mostly act the exact same

ੈ✩ | it’d be a little easier to win him over though. since you’re ‘different’ his curiosity draws him to you, and your perseverance and skill is something that’s warrants his respect

ੈ✩ | what’s that belief that life-threatening situations brings people together? that helps too

ੈ✩ | he starts off barely even saying two words to you and now you’ll both protect each other with your lives by the events of season two

ੈ✩ | LIKE JUST IMAGINE THE SCENE WHEN HE DISCOVERS HE HOLDS THE COORDINATE; like you and mikasa are not in good shape so he’s so determined to protect you—and you and mikasa have resigned to your fates but he’s like

“i’ll keep looking after you”

“now and forever, whenever you need me”

ੈ✩ | screaming crying and throwing up

ੈ✩ | or the scene where he takes back the wall in his titan form—and you immediately tackle him as soon as he’s comes staggering out of the nape,

“you did it eren!”

ੈ✩ | most def, especially after that scene from s3—his crush on you is very obvious—like let’s say you pushed mika out of the way and you got your ribs broken instead of her; when you guys make it to that little cabin, he’s literally putting in work to make sure you don’t have to move an inch—chopping firewood, helping make dinner, even volunteering to stand watch or staying up all night in case you need him—but of course you would still come out to check on him

“he’s like a hardworking husband and they’re his doting partner” historia would smile as she watched you two interact

ੈ✩ | eren would spend years pining for you without realizing it until the he almost lost you—be it to the titans or another man

ੈ✩ | he gets the help he needs to confess from the guys who screw him over—not entirely on purpose, but he ends up humiliating himself in front of you; the next day he’s avoiding you like he’s insane until you eventually just blurt out that you like him back

ੈ✩ | i lowkey feel like eren would be way too romantic or so lowkey people have no idea you’re dating—shit not even you knew for like a month

ੈ✩ | deadass, it took this nigga pulling up with a bouquet of flowers claiming it was for your anniversary and you just blinked at him

“are we not dating. . . ?”

ੈ✩ | pre time-skip eren is when he’s the most affectionate but even then he literally only pipes up when you’re in danger

ੈ✩ | you see a different side of him in his titan form—even though he doesn’t have the capacity for speech, his eyes tell you all you need to know.

ੈ✩ | he mellows out a lot because this is the only form he’s in where he feels like nothing can hurt you—he’s untouchable and so are you. so he’s generally a lot softer in this form

ੈ✩ | he’s like a big puppy, responding positively and humming when you scratch his head

ੈ✩ | if you don’t like saliva do NOT do missions with titan! eren. nigga literally just puts you in his mouth for cover when the spot gets too hot

ੈ✩ | and if you EVER get kidnapped for any reason eren is activating his titan form—even if the perpetrators are human he could not give a fuck—he’s already not a cautious person but he really do be wilding when it comes to you, that’s why levi tried to keep you separate before realizing that it only makes it worse.

ੈ✩ | now post time-skip canon! eren. . .bro ima be fr, that nigga is so confusing

ੈ✩ | like let’s say you didn’t know him prior and were just a jaegerist, it was genuinely so difficult to tell if he was just manipulating you or not

ੈ✩ | even when he swore up and down that he loves you—you couldn’t help but wonder if he was just saying that because he knew if you thought he cared about you, you’d be willing to do just about anything for him

ੈ✩ | now is that actually true. . . ?

maybe.

ੈ✩ | but if you knew him since childhood he’s a lot easier to read, like you were just calling bullshit when he was gaslighting mikasa and armin in that one scene—even if he tried that on you, you were not having it

ੈ✩ | he’d gladly abandon everything for you if you caught the signs quick enough, but even after he already declared war on the marlyeans, he’d still give you many chances to save him

ੈ✩ | he’s the boy who sought freedom, but he finds solace in your presence and knowing you care for him. so if you tell him you love him he will deadass just take your hand and beg you to run away with him

ੈ✩ | if you say yes—which you will—bc c’mon now, he’ll build you two a little cottage up in the mountains and live the rest of his days with you, enjoying the simple life he’d always dreamed of with the person he loves more than anything

ੈ✩ | thinking about cottage au! eren rn AHHH

ੈ✩ | now if you decide to play the anarchy route i’m sure y’all will make a great terrorist power couple

y’all some real

💅 ✨ 💖 sassy shooters 💖✨💅

i don’t actually condone this but go off ig

ੈ✩ | also generally, he’s more a physical kinda guy, so don’t feel awkward about sitting on his lap while he’s meeting with volunteers and fellow jaegerists

ੈ✩ | sometimes, you wake up to him crying quietly beside you and you always scoot over and start spooning him

ੈ✩ | every once in awhile he’ll say things that remind you of the old eren, and it makes you wanna cry every time

ੈ✩ | you still love him though, and are willing to wait for him to come around

ੈ✩ | if you die in the war though, it’s up. he’s gonna keep going forward and won’t stop until he’s dead

ੈ✩ | he loves you so much, good god you’re so heavenly

alright people NSFW time so head out if you’re not interested

ੈ✩ | so modern eren! remember how i said he was a mechanic? somehow whenever he comes home, one of you is always frustrated. like imagine you were already missing him, and he gets home and his shirt is off, his skin is glowing and hes got oil smudges painting random patches of his coveralls

“eren—“ you very loudly gulp; you had just wanted to greet your loving boyfriend with his favorite snack but when you saw him in all his glory you really couldn’t help it

ੈ✩ | eren literally always knows when you want something from him; whether it’s because he’s good at detecting it, or you’re just bad at hiding it is up for debate but he clocks you either way

ੈ✩ | but eren, being the cheeky bastard he is, makes you say it. being shy isn’t very fruitful when it comes to him

ੈ✩ | now if he’s the horny one, it’s on fucking sight yo—and there’s no running away, the longer he’s away from you, the more frustrated he becomes

“ah—! eren,” you’re preparing dinner one minute and being bent over the counter the next “—need you” he whines

ੈ✩ | yeah, mans gets v whiny when he’s desperate for it

ੈ✩ | no if ands or buts about it, eren jaeger is a nasty man—regardless of what universe he’s in

ੈ✩ | into spit, vouyerism, and all the other dirty and nasty ass shit

ੈ✩ | into anal anything—even on himself, like if you sneak down to give him a rim job while giving oral he will become so whiny

ੈ✩ | will let you peg or finger him if you’ve got the guts to dom him

ੈ✩ | his moans are something else bro

ੈ✩ | HE’S SO AFFIRMING; “go ahead baby, you can ride” “don’t be shy look at me—pretty eyes on me, on me” “fuck yes, make yourself feel good on my cock” “fuck, you’re perfect”

“i love you so much”

“fuck, are you okay? yeah? okay, gonna move”

ੈ✩ | fuck, he loves mirror sex

ੈ✩ | he’ll let you ride for as long as you want sweetheart, and when you inevitably get tired he’ll buck his hips into yours, laying you down before shifting so he could thrust up more comfortably

ੈ✩ | you don’t notice, but he pays a lot of attention to what he’s doing during sex and will constantly look up to catch your reactions when he makes a strategic change of angles as he blows your back out

ੈ✩ | so yeah he knows your body like the back of his hand

ੈ✩ | SPEAKING OF WHICH, HIS HANDS BRO OML, HE HAS THE PRETTIEST FUCKING HANDS, like they’re calloused but slender and long with a pink hue dusted over his knuckles

ੈ✩ | he would rock you on his fingers while he’s gaming because you were lonely. and because you were so good he fucks you after

ੈ✩ | so canon! eren. . .bro first of all, whoever called eren’s titan form hot. get out, bc like i’m a closeted monsterfucker but how would it work? homeboy ain’t got no lips, no dick—and even if he did it’d literally kill you.

ੈ✩ | the only thing i could think of is him covering you with his tongue or you rubbing against one of his fingers

ੈ✩ | he lets out a lot of aggression on you; sometimes he’ll even cry against you—mans just gets really emotional when he can see your face

#black reader #eren yeager #attack on titan eren #eren jaeger #attack on titan #eren x reader #eren x black reader #eren x black y/n #gender nuetral reader #anime #fanfic

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serotoninnorepinephrinedopamine · 7 months

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You Just...Left - Reiner x Reader

TW: Hurt with slight comfort, abandonment issues+getting left behind briefly mentioned, breif mention of reader wanting to die

Context: Reader has abandonment issues due to being ditched by a parent during a titan attack (said parent was never seen again) and gets hurt real bad by Reiner and fully expexts to never see him again. The begin of this is a bit of a flashback before going back to current

I was nervous. Reiner and I had become quick friends on the second day of being in the scouts training camp and now with it halfway done he wanted to see me after dinner. Speaking of dinner I had tried to make it last as long as possible but I could feel his gaze bore holes into my back the entire time, it also didn't help that Sasha kept asking if I was going to finish what was on my plate. I slid it to her after a while, I had lost my apatite.

I tried to leave the dinning hall as quietly as possible. It's not that I didn't want to hear what he had to say, in fact I actually really like him. He strong, caring to others, pretty funny when the timing is right, and most of all he has a big heart. I had actually hoped maybe he wanted to talk to confess but the odds are extremely low of that happening....I've learned from the past that getting close only hurts in the end.

I made it maybe seven feet from the dinning hall door before someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into the shadows covering my mouth before I could let out a yelp. This is it I'm done for, someone snuck in and I'm the poor soul who's life they chose to extinguish. "Gosh you're shaking like a leaf it's just me (Y/N)?" the voice of the hands said with a low rumbling chuckle while letting me go. I whirl around to face him and playfully smack him on the chest "Reiner! You scared the shit out of me!" I say with a huge grin appearing briefly of my face before looking up at him expectantly. His short choppy hair highlighted by the moonlight, dark shadows across his face with what seemed to be a hint of blush lurking beneath them. Perhaps getting close wouldn't be so bad?

That was the night we confessed our feelings for each other and I had my first kiss. The many days that followed after were some of the best in my entire life...until they weren't.

It was a bit after graduation. What was left of our group were on Wall Rose and I was just ahead of Mikasa when she stopped, I could hear Reiner talking and Bertholdt getting a bit frantic so I turned around to head towards my love only to be stopped by her. The next few things that happened were a blur, Mikasa was gone in a flash attacking Reiner and Bertholdt, they both turned into the Colossal and Armored Titan respectively, and then they grabbed Eren and Ymir and ran.

That was the second most worst day of my life. I had told him about my abandonment issues and yet he still left on his own accord! The hurt and anger in my eyes and wails of his name as he ran into the woods...I hope it haunts him. The days that followed I became reckless on missions caring little for my own safety cause then at least if I died the pain would stop.

I didn't think I'd ever see him again and I was perfectly fine with that but because of Eren and his tendencies of course Reiner would show up again. I could tell even in his titan form he was looking for me as I zipped around on my ODM gear. I should've known it was stupid to attempt to go for the nape but I wanted to make him feel some sort of pain that I felt but before I could reach my destination he grabbed me out of the air and then it all went black.

When I came back to I was in a small room looking up at the ceiling, looking around I noticed Reiner sitting in the furthest corner from where I was with his arms crossed and head bent down. I sat up with a grunt which caused him to lift his head to look at me "(Y/N)..." he says softly, his harsh and depressing looking face softening as his eyes laided themselves on me taking in everything that's changed. He stood up and started to approach me but I scurried back falling off the edge of the bed as tears filled my eyes. Looking up over the edge of the bed I saw the soft look he gave me a few moments before change to one of hurt and worry "Stay away from me! You left me behind just leave again!" I shout as I shakily stand and dash for the door.

His arms wrap around me. They were warm, strong, and inviting but I can't...give in, I can't get close only for him to leave me again. He pulls me close to his broad chest with my own pressed against and tears willingly and angrily fall from my eyes as I sob and pound my fists on his chest. I let loose frustration after frustration along the lines of "You coward!" "How could you leave! You knew my fears!" "Why didn't you take me with you!" "Why did you have to come back you could've made it so easy for me to forget!" and after a while of scream sobs and shouting at him I slowed down. Worn out from my meltdown weakly pounding on his chest before my hands fall limp to my sides feeling his now damp shirt against my cheeks and face, he hadn't said a word the entire time "Please...saying something. Anything, just rip my heart out finally. Deal the final blow Reiner." I mange to croak out.

A pause goes by and still nothing, not a peep, but it felt like something was falling on top of my head so I take a chance to look up. He was silently crying and big tears splashed on my face upon impact as he took one hand from around me and cupped my face as I stared at him in shock. "I wanted so desperately to just sweep you off your feet and take you away with me. I know I'm an asshole for leaving you behind, I was scared and a coward and wanted to make it back home alive." he looks away for a second before continuing "Trust me I wanted so badly to come back for you (Y/N) but due to my situation I wasn't allowed to. Anytime we fought that brat I always looked for you but you were never there until now. I'm sorry for what I've put you through but I'd like to make amends for my past failures?" he finishes. Fresh tears fall from my eyes "Reiner...I-I don't know..." I trail off and after a moment of silence I add on "It'd be hard for me to trust that you just won't leave me again."

"Please give me one more chance to prove myself to you (Y/N)?" he practically begs.

I let out a deep sigh and hesitantly nod with my eyes shut "Okay Reiner." I answer.

"Thank you my precious angel." he says as he cups both my cheeks and pulls me into a long awaited kiss.

#attack on titan #aot x reader #aot #x reader #reiner braun #reiner x reader

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nightfall-kachiniko · 1 year

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“I hear you” || Mikasa x SA! reader

paring: mikasa x fem/SA reader.

MAJOR TW!! potentially triggering description of sexual assault, past sa comfort, telling mikasa you were assaulted.

please do not read if you are triggered by descriptions of rape, or anything to do with sexual assault. Proceed with caution…

that’s one thing that could never get out of your head. The way the breeze felt on your bare skin. The way their hands roamed around on it. Your tears being colder than the air around you. It was stuck on loop. All of the time. Their hand covering your screams and sobs. Your pleas amounting to nothing as their force over powered. How eventually your screams became small sobs, your ferocious squirming became weak movements. How your body just gave up. Accepted it. But your mind didn’t. It never did. Hell every day it came back to scream in your face all the screams you wish you could’ve hollered that night. The darkness that surrounded you eventually filled your mind. And like a terminal illness, it stayed. It was like a smokers lungs as you breathed. It never went away.

How could you not talk about something that was on your mind every second of every hour of every day. Every voice became theirs. As every street became where it happened. Every touch was theirs. Every thought was about it.

It was hard to speak. Say your mind. Tell your story. You could barley write it down. The only time it was mentioned was in your mind, where no one else could hear it. Like how no one else heard you on that night.

They tell you to speak, but sometimes you can only mutter.

“Y/n… hey… it’s okay… you’re okay…” you hear a soft voice say, pulling you back to reality.

You were too much in your head to even realize it made its way to your body, as you were on the ground, shaking.

You felt loving arms wrapped around you, but somehow still wanted them to be removed. You wanted to claw out every nerve in your body. Everything that made you feel.

Mikasa softly hushed your sobs, brushing your hair from your face. “I’m here.. it’s okay darling… I’m right here..”

It made you confused, you didn’t even know how you got there, why were you on the floor shaking and crying? Were you having a panic attack? When did this start? What’s.. happening?

“what’s wrong love…?” Mikasa softly asked, her hand raised your face to meet her eyes. You stared at them, not knowing what to say. Just the same burn you had in your chest, that same burn that was in your throat.

“Y/n..” mikasa looked at you with pleading eyes, desperate to help you, but not knowing how. All she could do was wrap you in her arms, give you comfort for something she doesn’t know about.

That burn, that touch. It hurt. It was uncomfortable. It made you queasy wanting to squirm out of her arms and run and hide. You just wanted no warmth on you. No one’s touch on you. But her touch wasn’t mean, it wasn’t her hurting you in anyway, yet you still wanted it gone. Or maybe you didn’t want her loving touch gone, but you wanted their hate filled touch that tricked you into believing what touch was. You grunted, frustrated, as you choked on your sobs.

“Sweetie, what happened dear..?” Mikasas voice filled with worry as she only hugged you closer, uncertain of what to do as your sobs got louder. Your mind raced how it always did, thinking about its every second. Every bit of hell you endured. All the things you didn’t deserve. Every laugh at your scream. Every moan at your sobs. Every hand that touched you that didn’t belong. You wanted it gone. That burn like a fire in your chest, the flames only getting hotter as it slipped into your throat, their touch only getting harder. Too much. Everything. You wanted it gone. You wanted it to stop. You wanted it out. Standing up, you finally shoved her touch off.

“I WAS RAPED!” You shouted. The fire finally dying down as the words slipped off your tongue.

You stood above her, panting.

No more touch. No more burning. You felt like you had clean lungs for once, and your head stopped thinking.

“…what..?” Your girlfriend questioned in disbelief, token aback at your sudden words.

“I…” you said, out of breath, “was raped..” you said it almost as a whisper, in a much lower tone then before.

Mikasa’s eyes turned to sadness, looking up at you from the floor.

“And I’m reminded of it.. every-time… I breathe…” you said, your thoughts flowing out onto your tounge. Finally they speak, finally having a voice.

Mikasa got up, slightly coming towards you. Her face was filled with sadness and concern. “When did this..?” She asked, not knowing what else to say.

“A few months ago..” you replied, your shaky voice filling the quiet air of the room. “When we were cadets..”

You could tell Mikasa’s thoughts by the look on her face. You knew what she was thinking. The way her breath shook out as she hesitantly breathed. The way her heart dropped when you told her those words. Her face dropping, realizing she could’ve been there, no, she should’ve been there to protect you. Even though she knew there was nothing she could do to prevent something she didn’t know was going to happen, the guilt still seeped out like blood in a wound onto her face.

“Why.. why didn’t you.. tell me?” her voice was soft, almost small, her emotions showing more on her face than in her words.

“Im sorry..“ you said, new tears starting to flow down your face.

“No,no no no..” mikasa hushed you, cupping your face with her gentle hands. “That was not your fault. You don’t need to apologize for something you went through. Y/n.. it’s not your fault..” she stated, looking at you with a loving desperation in her eyes. “I need you to know that…”

You nodded as she pulled you into a hug, your body giving into her as your head rested in the crook of her neck. It felt warm.. it felt.. safe. The touch didn’t feel how it usually did. The warmth of that touch didn’t feel like a blazing fire about to devour you. That press of the touch didn’t feel like it was holding you down, compressing you. It felt, loose… loose but there. It felt.. loving… almost willing..

“I need you to know that..” your shaky breath sighed against her chest as you whispered “I know..”

You felt a kiss against your temple as you sniffled. Those loving arms wrapped so gently but passionately around you, in a way no one has touched you before.

“I’m here for you… and I believe you..” her soft voices whispered as you clung onto her like you’ve never before.

“We’re gonna get through this together. I promise. You are not alone.”

She softly said..

“Y/n… i hear you..”

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chaerssss · 10 months

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ANOTHER UNIVERSE

ꕥ Jean x female reader

ꕥ Words:- 4.6k

ꕥ Synopsis:- you've always had a little crush on Jean but afraid of losing him, you never confessed it to him. However one night, things take a turn..

ꕥ Genre:- Romance, Sad, Angst and a little suggestive.

ꕥ Type:- Oneshot

ꕥ Warnings:- mentions of blood, death scenes and fighting scenes.

ꕥ Disclaimer:- This is based on the end of season 3. I apologise in advance if some things are incorrect. Even though, I'm a big fan of aot, sometimes it's hard for me to go with the storyline.

Edit:- 53 LIKES?!?! 😭 TYSM GUYS🫶

"Even if the fates unraveled our destiny. I would find a way back to you..."

Another day went by.

Another 24 hours of bloodshed.

It was beginning to get exhausting.

Your horse guided your way back to the cabins. Back inside the walls. If you were being honest, the inside of the walls were much terrifying than it's exterior. Fear was more prominent when you found yourself here. With population. Humans.

What was so terrible?

Everything.

Every person that has dedicated their life to eradicate titans from the world, they feel it more than anyone around. Survey corps. The name feels like such a high status. It might be...but what would we do of the status when we won't be here to celebrate and enjoy a free life?

Going outside the walls and everytime, every goddam time, coming back with absolute no success. Leaving so many friends, companions, family...behind. Then returning with a heavy heart, with bodies of the people we once used to train with. Only for the people to question our ability.

Maybe...we weren't worth it? Maybe, it was because of us, we hadn't had any success yet. Even though, some of us were already at the edge of Paradis. It's confusing right? But it's our reality for now.

We grew in this depressing, fowl place. Not a lap to put our head on, not a shoulder to cry on...not parents to caress our cheeks and give us hope. How long could we possibly survive.

And that's the funny thing...we did. Mikasa, Sasha, Armin, Eren..his mere name makes your heartache. That freedom crazy bastard. Connie, Annie, Jean.

Down the path of this whole 'end titans' agenda, we lost more than we could've imagined. Bertholdt, Marco...Reiner, Commander Erwin.

Your eyes had started to pool with tears. You knew deep down that we were mere pawns, being played here and there because our ancestors couldn't manage themselves. So, even if you knew the other side held the enemies, you knew they were just like you in the end.

You wanted to see him. Jean Kirsten. That idiot. He made you fall for him. By literally doing nothing. You don't know why, you don't know how. But he seems to attract you for some reason.

Although, he's always crazy about girls and showing off infront of them. You don't particularly like these types of guys, who act desperate but he...you just find him cute. At first, you thought you were going crazy because that's how it seemed. Eventually, when you grew up with him...it all made sense.

He looked different now. His hair were longer, he had slight facial hair which was a cherry on top. He grew taller and his shoulders became broad. Tch, it's weird you even noticed all these things.

So you decided to invade Connie's cabin today, because jean and him were roommates. You realised it was his weekly smoke sesh which consisted of smoking, drinking & chatting absolute shit about the pricks we call the police, military and people we genuinely hate.

Jean would be manspreaded, sat on the uncomfortable bed, you besides him, exhaling smoke into the air as he'd tilt his head back ever so slightly- the stuble on his face prominent and his mullet abit messy.

"you wanna smoke?" He'd say with a slight chuckle passing you the blunt. How sad, the smoke made you feel suffocated. You didn't like it one bit. However, you needed to be by him tonight.

"I despise it." You say, eyes still on the table infront of you. Connie was on the sofa, sleeping like a log.

"You're no fun... " he'd say with a smile "so, how was ur week y/n?"

You leaned back on the bed, your arms supporting you, "pretty shit honestly...killing titans, cleaning their filthy blood from my swords, watching my mates...loosing to some of those gigantic idiots."

The sorrow was dripping out of you at this point. You had to control it. Keep it in a jar. However, Jean didn't make it any easy. Your eyes gazed at his perfect side profile. A high bridged nose, piercing light brown eyes and his soft lips. You sighed, and went back to staring at the table. Escaping the feeling he made you feel just by looking at him.

Jean chuckled, "I feel you." His lips were stretched in a smile but you could feel the pain in it. He'd nod his head in a comforting way, as always. And somehow, you had gotten used to this. "So, why the depressing week? Titans? Losing? Or just generally?"

His arms curled around your shoulder, sending goosebumps on your skin. He touches so nonchalantly, not knowing the effect he has on you.

"...just..generally." A heavy exhale escaped your lips. "You wanna talk about it?" He said while staring at you from the side. God, you have to control yourself so much around him. And he doesn't make it any easier.

"Nah it's fine...i wouldn't wanna burden you with it. Besides..." you paused and walked to the window. "The weather is beautiful today." a wave of breeze makes your hair dance as you close your eyes, feeling easy.

It didn't go unnoticed by him as he took steps to join you. The light breeze causing your hair to flow. His heart rate had increased, was it the booze? But..maybe he has always felt like this? He doesn't know and nor does he care. "Wow, your hair looks stunning." He whispered, as his fingers tuck a few strands behind your ear.

The surroundings were dead silent. You were afraid he'd hear your heartbeat. Or he might see your red cheeks. God, why'd he have to be like this? You turn your face away.

"I guess the weather is pretty good" he chuckled. "It's also a pretty good time for a kiss." He gave a cheeky smile, teasing you.

This basta- Oh my god! You kept chanting in your brain 'calm down', and you ahve no idea if it was working or not. In fact, you even held your breath, trying to maintain that poker face. A few beats later you yelled "...Connie!! Jean wants to kiss you!"

He laughed aloud, "Y/n! I was joking! Don't do that!" When both of you turned behind to see Connie, he was still asleep. He must've been really tired. Meanwhile Jean, pretended to pout and crossed his arms as he glanced at connie.

The awkwardness faded away for a few seconds. You both kept talking about different things but somehow Jean managed to bring the 'ideal boyfriend' thing in between. Question. How do you tell your crush that they are in fact your ideal type, subtly so that they never suspect a thing?

"But if u were single and were to hypothetically want a handsome guy to kiss u.. I wouldnt mind it being me." He'd chuckle again. He knew he was being a pain in the ass, "I'll be quiet now I promise." But it was also evident, he wanted an answer.

You couldn't help but chuckle, "have you always been desperate?"

He tried to laugh it off nervously, but get slightly embarassed, "Desperate? Nooo.." he paused for a few seconds. And on god you just wanted to pounce on him. Respectfully. Not that you would ever in real life, maybe you had started to get drunk? But..did you even drink? Your eyes trailed down his neck, the first few buttons were undone, exposing his collarbones and chest.

"It's not desperate to let a girl know you like them." His deep voice reached your ears and your eyes went to his at lightening speed. You realised he was looking at you while you were gawking at him shamelessly. Jesus Y/n. So you immediately looked away, flustered.

"..I thought you liked Mikasa.." you had to get that out of your system. He smiled, nudging your shoulder, not answering your question "y/n, I like the way you blush when you're embarrassed" he then laughed, finally coming back to the point, "Also Mikasa is great. I just also find you to be great as well."

"You're spouting nonsense..." You started to walk back to the bed because there was no way you were letting him see this side you. You were sure a few more minutes and smoke would start coming out of your ears. Besides, who taught him to talk like that anyway? When he was younger, he'd always get himself embarrassed infront of others.

He started to follow you. The atmosphere had become tense yet again. He came to a pause behind you, getting close as you stood near a drawer. "I think you're quite the catch." He leaned it to whisper it in your ear. This is unfair. Your breath had started to tremble. He truly makes you feel things.

You felt his hard front on your back, " ...jean.." you managed to say, more like murmur. His hands were now on your waist. "Yes y/n..?" He did it again, he whispered it in your ear. For a moment you felt his lips brush over your neck and god you wanted to lean on him, let your hair fall on one side and let him devour you.

He noticed you're slightly flustered. He shouldn't do this..he still isn't able to figure out if this was due to the drink or you. He knew he was getting hard. His nose was by your forehead, and he could smell you. It intoxicated him. But at the same time he felt like embracing your tiny body in his.

As much as you wanted his hands on your body, you decided to gently remove them, "don't say the words you don't mean..." Your eyebrows furrowed, it was just so painful. He could be saying all of this under the influence of alcohol.

It felt disappointing to lose your touch and yet Jean still smiled, nodding slightly. Placing his hands on your shoulders, "You're right. I was just, trying to be cute. It's probably too early to say that kind of stuff..."

"So, y/n, will you let me try again..? Cause I genuinely do think you're a catch." The way he calls for you, make your heart ache. But...you can't. In fact, you wouldn't want to make this into something more. Because, this world you're living in isn't...gentle at all.

But you can't help it. You are sure you didn't even let a drop of alcohol touch you and yet you feel so high and drunk. It might be his aura or his eyes in particular. So you don't know what's best to do right now...go with your desires or leave him hanging.

After staring at him for a good 30 seconds, you chose the first option.

Using his collars you pulled him close and placed a soft, brief peck on his lips. Then running away for your life to the other room.

He looked shocked. More like perplexed. But it's sad you couldn't see his face. As you think you were getting away, you heard footsteps behind you, realizing he was running after you.

"Hey! That was my first kiss!... And I liked it!" It took a while but he was eventually able to catch up to you, grabbing your hips and pulling you close to him, "I'd like a 2nd one, if I'm being honest."

I'm in trouble. All because of this horse face. He leaned in a little closer, cornering you to the wall, flustered, you say, "that was my first one too..." But the butterflies in your stomach just won't stop fluttering. You tried to escape from his embrace.

He'd chuckle, trying to kiss you again. Your attempts of escaping futile as Jean had quite a strong grip, "Now, y/n. Don't be like that... Give the guy who stole your 1st kiss a 2nd one huh?" he'd smile, blushing a little.

He's so cute. You have no idea what he might be thinking right now. However, it was spontaneous of you to just kiss him out of nowhere. Then it dawned on you that he's drunk. All of this is just because he's drunk. None of it is true. Right now, he's looking at you like you're the only girl in the world and...it makes your heart beat 10 times faster.

You look away, "you're drunk....you won't remember any of this jean..." You take a deep breath, clenching the little fabric of his shirt, "But, if someday, i got the courage to finally confess to you while you're sober...then you can get a second kiss. You hadn't realised but your tears were already dripping down your cheeks, "until then...please don't get my hopes high...and please..stay alive."

A pang. That's what it felt like, seeing you cry. Jean, has always been a soft person. Heck, even the idea of admitting in the survey corps terrified him. But his mother always told him that he was brave. Maybe, that's what drove him to be there with everyone else.

Apart from the negative aspects, if he hadn't took that step, he would've never...never found you. How miserable would he have been then. He takes a step back, dropping his shoulders.

"You're right.. I probably won't remember this once I'm sober... But, when I do forget.. remember this... Drunk or sober... My feelings don't change for you. You're the best girl I've met and whether you accept it or not, I don't just want a kiss"

He smiled again. A bright one this time. Where his eyes turn into crescents and you can see the obvious blush, not knowing if it's because he's drunk or... flustered. "You are amazing."

If anyone still hasn't figured out why he attracted me so much. I hope...it's much clear now.

You tried to calm yourselves down, " ...I have an early...meeting tomorrow with Levi and hange-san.." ,sniffles, "I'll go sleep..."

He'd wipe your tears away, kissing your forehead gently. "Dont you worry now... You go to your little meeting, and when you come back, we can talk."

He'd smile again, getting close to you once again as he looked into your eyes, "You.. Me.. Together.. No alcohol needed."

That night you had a hard time falling asleep. Jean's words kept coming back to you. You, me together, no alcohol needed. And a smile would appear everytime. In fact, you didn't even want to sleep.... probably because, reality had started to feel better than dreams.

Oh, you fell, it was so evident. And you've fallen so deep that if you tried to come back up, you'll lose yourself with it. He was your first love..but at the same time you started to have second thoughts.

The anxiety, if that's what you can call it. There were so many things you were afraid of. But, the number 1 was losing him...so you prayed that night. If any one of us had to leave this world for good, then let it be me first. Let it be me...

The next day you're back to training in the backyard with Mikasa, eren and armin. It's the same old thing but something turns on when it's you four together. There's a touch of comfort and warmth. Armin tells so many facts and stories we three wouldn't even understand, Mikasa would blush seeing eren all motivated to defeat the titans and you'd catch her.

She doesn't seem to hide the fact that she likes him... it's just that, she's afraid to admit it vocally. Just like you. Your eyes get downturned but you turn your attention back to the training.

Jean watches you from a far. It's quite obvious Jean likes you, and that's pretty obvious to him as well because right now, a tinge of jealousy can be felt in his chest. He just wishes, it was him besides you. He was the reason you'd smile like that, where your dimples appear, you didn't even know you had. Although, he'd pretend to look away each time Armin or Eren would catch him staring.

"Eren could you teach me the swing you did that day?" You request the dark haired guy. Eren came behind you. Ok, maybe you should think ahead for the future before you ask for something. Because you thought he'd teach you by doing it himself but apparently he decided to hug you from the behind, and hold the sword, while your bodies were so close together.

He's still watching from a far, his eyes following you. Eren is being a bit flirtatious by placing his arms around you, which Jean notices. Or maybe he's just seeing things because how would Eren, the freedom crazy bastard possibly have the time to flirt? In fact, he won't even know the purpose behind it?

"Ugh... What a flirt" He murmured being a little disgusted. "Hey Mikasa, you wanna tell me about your week?" He'd say in an attempt to distract himself from the jealous feelings of watching you with Eren.

A minute later he finds you ruffling Eren's hair who's on the ground and you're laughing, probably,because eren made a joke. This is all in his brain because that's not true at all, you were laughing because Eren tripped on thin air. And it was funny, to see a guy who can literally turn into someone so huge and crush millions, fall on the ground while making a cute sound.

This time Jean doesn't bother hiding his jealousy and anger. He has a straight face as he watches you play with Eren's hair, his hand clenching the handle of his 3D maneuvering equipment sword.

"Oh you think Eren is so cute!?" He'd say in a mocking tone, trying to get your attention. You turned yourself to him and realised he had been watching you. Wow, he was...watching me? He slowly got closer to you, "What about me?.. I haven't really even got the chance to show you how cute I can be.."

Your eyes go wide for a second. Because A) he's too damn close and B) he just said that aloud, in front of your friends. Which was even more embarassing. But he seemed to not care. You take a step back, "what..are you talking about?" Your cheeks are so red right now, why did the weather have to be clear today?

"Me?... Why, I simply thought you seemed to be getting a little.. flirty with Eren." He'd chuckle nervously before stepping closer again. Your poor heart was in no way ready for this. "I just thought I'd show you what you've been missing out on when you've been hanging out with that hot headed idiot.."

In no time, you're literally corned to the concrete wall behind and he slightly tilted his face. If it wasn't for the support of the wall you bet you'd fall down because just the way he's talking right now is making you go crazy enough to even let out a moan. Jesus..

You look away, trying to come up with something. You know damn well he looks majestic right now but unfortunately you don't have the courage to look straight at him. So you say, " ....just so you know ...it's hard for me to talk to boys that I find attractive..." Your cheeks go even more red, " ...ahem...captain Levi is calling me." And you walk away.

Jean was quite literally stunned. Shocked. Perplexed. And whatever else you can say instead of 'surprised'. He doesn't move an inch from where he trapped you while you walk away, "y/n...!" He finally yells. "You find.. Me.. Attractive?" He'd ask. His face would go red as he'd look after you.

"Well, when you get back we are gonna have a talk.." yeah sure whatever you say pretty boy. Was what you had in mind but no way you were ready for that 'talk' yet. You thought you were the only with a bright scarlet face when on the other hand, Jean is literally dying of shyness. So you just raised a middle finger in the air, trying to run away without any words.

He frowned as you flicked him off, "Well I hope your happy now that you got that out of your system.. Just wait until you see me when you come back" He'd put his middle finger up as well, and stick his tongue out at you. But then quickly rethink what happened and get flustered again.

Meanwhile the people around you were....well..not surprised.

"Finally..." Mikasa let out and Eren follows, "I thought they'd already be married or something." And continues with his punches in the air. "Eren.." Armin says as if to scold him, "what? You can even ask the infiltrators, they thought the same..."

A while later you're under a tree, looking off into the setting sun. Jean appeared behind you, resting his body against the tree as he watched you sit there.

"What you doing over here y/n? You look deep in thought.. I'd hate to distract you." His deep voice, which had now quite frankly, started to sound like honey, reached your ears.

"It's not a thought but..I find sunsets so pretty." You say, not breaking your gaze from the sky. But then you turn around and signal him to sit besides you. He smiled before sitting down next to you, leaning his head against the tree as he kept his eyes on you.

"They are indeed quite pretty.." his eyes move to the sunset then back to you, "but I think you're more beautiful than any sunset."

"..you're cheesy as ever." You chuckled. And... Something shifted in Jean's eyes as he looked at you. Maybe even in his heart. It made him content, that it was you who was smiling next to him.. because of him. The orange and golden hues of the sun reflect perfectly on your skin. As if you already didn't look like a goddess, the dipping sun made you look etheral. Your eye color now more visible because of the bright light. You're just so...pretty. And..Jean can't get tired of watching and observing you. Its like everytime he finds something pretty in you.

"I can't help it.. I'm a sucker for romance." He sighed, staring at the sky with you. "I'm also a sucker for beautiful girls.. you are the perfect combination."

A gush of butterflies fill your gut, and you smile, "you know, I must say... you're the reason I've stopped feeling insecure."

"I am?" He intentionally made a surprised look and when you chuckled while playing with the grass, his eyes became soft once again, "You know.. seeing you smile like that is always a great sight for me. It makes me believe maybe just maybe... I also make you feel something."

He stretched his arms and legs out to stretch contently while he inhaled sharply and your eyes fell on his built physique. His structured face and brown hair. You wish to play with them..style them in cute hairstyles and bows. The thought made you smile, but then...he turned to you and said, "It's quite a beautiful night isn't it.."

"Yeah.." you said not looking at the sky but him instead, "Its..beautiful." The sun had set entirely and it became darker than before. Just at the right time, as though the universe was playing it's cards, a wave of wind blew your hair prettily.

Jean watches the way the wind blew through your hair, before opening his eyes and looking at your face. He'd tilt his head, placing his hands on your shoulders and gently turning your face to him. He'd hold eye contact with you before moving closer.

"You have the most kissable lips y/n.." He chuckled before leaning in closer and brushing his nose against yours. You could feel his breath, and it sent goosebumps all over you. Your stomach was doing sommersaults. And again, his scent, a mix of an earthly smell but at the same time a fragrance that intoxicated you.

"...jean... you're too close.." you breathed out heavily.

"Too close?"

"And if I get closer?" He leaned in.

"Do I get to kiss those beautiful lips?"

Your throat had beginning to feel tight and you chest...it felt like a drum as of now. What should you even do right now? Your mind went blank, until, you hear a voice calling from a distance, "s-sasha is calling me.." you whispered.

He smiled and then gently turned your face towards him again,"hm?" Gosh that was so hot of him...he pressed himself against you and pulled you closer so that both your bodies were touching. He'd hold your chin gently with his hands, "I know you want to kiss me. It's the only thing you can think about right now.. I can feel it"

You didn't have the confidence to even say something let alone look him in the eye. Meanwhile you felt his gaze on you, with each second a pool of desire growing inside both of you and just..a fuzzy feeling inside you couldn't quite point out.

He kissed your neck gently, his lips soft against your skin. He'd move his head up again to look at your lips, "Don't fight it anymore..." You flinched at the touch, it was like an electric shock. You still tried with all your might, to turn this situation into a normal one, "J-jean....Sasha's calling me.."

"Sasha can wait.. " was what he said. And when he did, you felt vibrations on your nape. A pathetic sound could leave you any time if he didn't stop. He chuckled as his jaw started to clench a little, a small amount of frustration and jealousy in his tone, "It doesn't matter who calls you... I just.. wanna kiss you for gods sake."

Your raised your hand to slowly caress his hair, "..jean." you whispered, "I'm... I'm scared." Eyebrows furrowing as a sense of pain arrived in you, "I'm scared that I'll end up losing you. The world we live is not...gentle. it's cruel...and to love a person truly in this world is...scary."

And you meant it.

You meant every word of it.

Because you've seen it. You've experienced it. You didn't wanna bear that pain anymore. You agree you're weak... because if another person close to you died, you'll lose yourself with it.

"Listen y/n. I may be an idiot sometimes, but I'm not that stupid. I know this world isn't gentle.. Hell it's more cruel than anything I would ever have imagined.. But that's all the more reason to be with the people we love.. What good would it be to survive this nightmare if we can't spend it with the people we love?" He'd move his hand to yours, gently taking your hand, "I'll protect you y/n...I'll keep you safe."

It was just how your mother used to tell you how your dad made her feel. A feeling of comfort, so comfortable that I wanted to cuddle him everytime he was near. And for some reason, my heart rate was always high near him. His eyes...were like an ocean. And I was willing to drown in them.

"Promise?" You extended out your pinky.

Maybe that's how I feel right now.

He'd take your pinky finger and wrap his own around it, "I Promise." He gave a little smile before looking back up at you. He still held your hand, gently rubbing the side of your finger with his thumb.

So, I'll trust you.

You leaned in to reach near his face, a little nervous but wanting to feel his lips. Feeling his breath on them. He watched you as you got closer to him, his eyes trailed down to your lips and then back up again. He moved his head closer to yours, leaning in close before he finally pressed his lips against yours. He wrapped his arms around your body in order to pull you closer. His lips were firm, yet gentle. He'd kiss you for what felt like an eternity. Like that comfort your mom told you about. Your hands were in his hair while his held you close.

At first, it felt like just a touch of lips, but then a desire evoked in you to feel them again. That soft feeling. He sucked on your bottom lip and you enjoyed every little bit of it, moving back to kissing where his tongue explored the insides of your mouth. You didn't even knew he could kiss like that. He's...perfect. But he eventually broke the kiss.

"God damn.." He'd chuckle, pressing his arms close. You mirror his reaction by smiling, "...guess I do have kissable lips." "More than kissable, they are perfect lips"

He'd give you a little peck on the lips before gently rubbing your neck again, looking you in the eye again, "You really are amazing y/n... You really make me feel things I've never thought were possible, and you probably don't even realize it."

You rested your forehead on his while your hands held his neck, "..I felt the same when I saw you for the first time in the survey corps." You trail off the memory lane, "I was young..and so were you. But..you seemed to be intrigued by Mikasa...not that I can't relate but..I felt a little pang on my heart, so I just kept my distance." You were surprised you even let it out your system.

"Hearing you talk like this makes me feel like I should've came up and made my feelings known much earlier.. But, I'm here now. Let's make things right."

How does he know what to say every goddam time?

His eyes softened as he looked into yours. He would slowly take his hand out from your neck and move it to rest on your leg, slowly rubbing your thigh. You knew this wouldn't end at a kiss if you didn't stop this man, "You know that sasha was calling me right?" You murmured.

"Now I have to wonder.. Just what is sasha calling you for?"

"probably because the food is served and getting cold..."

"So food is more important than me?"

"Mhmm.." you said in a teasing tone.

"Alright.. But when we come back from eating, I'm probably gonna have to kiss you again just to remind you of what you have when you aren't eating." He got up to face you properly again, "don't be surprised if I try and steal another kiss"

"Jeez..." You took his hand in yours and chuckled, "we'll see about that later.." as both of you went in the dining room.

He slowly started walking, while looking at you with a smile, "I'm sure I won't let you escape me so easily." He whispered, "We'll see about that horse face." You winked in his direction, "Horse face?" He acted as if he got offended, "What have you got against horses anyway?" He'd nudge you lovingly, gently squeezing your hand, "I think horses are beautiful, majestic creatures. And a little bit of a compliment, sweetheart."

Your eyes automatically go wide on the use of the nickname, "stop..with those nicknames." Guess you're already a thing huh?

"Sweetheart?" He chuckled and look at you, "Do you not like nicknames then?"

"I..I do.." you say, red as a tomatoe, "let's go" upon entering the room you give him a peck on the cheek and sit next to sasha while continuing eating your food.

Both of you were fools in love.

"I'll make sure sweetheart that I give you as many kisses as you can handle from now on. Just to make up for all that I've missed out on." He whispered to himself. Throughout the dinner he kept looking at you after every bite. As if, you were gonna fade away from his sight.

You just came from a meeting again.

The same people, stressing over the same thing. But each time, there was a new hurdle. With a solution that would cost one of us our lives.

And this time it was eren. I knew it. Maybe...others knew it as well.

With all the new information in mind, we, the Eldians, have to clear the remaining titans of Paradis Island before traveling to the coast for the first time in centuries.

Will I be able to join them? Will I finally see this sea Armin keeps talking about?

But what lies ahead of that Island? ... it's, nothing but enemies, and it doesn't matter which version of history proves to be the correct one — because either way, Marley is gunning for us, and we must fight back.

Will I be able to join Jean?

You walk out of the room. Knowing you have more titans to fight. An emergency had arrived. And you volunteered to be the first one. As you're walking out, you find a figure walking towards you. A good 6 feet of a man.

Oh, that's my man.

His eyes would trail off, thinking about something "Hmm.." you sighed, "what's your pretty head thinking?"

"I was just thinking about how much you smile, you're such a beautiful girl, sweetheart." And you don't know if it was meant to be sarcastic because you do sure look the opposite of what he said right now. He'd let out a sigh of content as he leaned his head against the tree, "I like this tree. I think it helps me forget about everything for a little while though.. So it's nice to just relax like this for a minute.."

You scoffed. There. He managed to break that shell of negative energy around you, "Look at you sweet-talking me."

"Is it working? I'm not exactly a master at this kind of thing."

'not a master' sure. As if he doesn't know the things to say that make your legs weak. He nudged you playfully, "But it is working right, cause if yes, then I have some extra flirting lined up for you." A smirk appeared on his lips.

"We have titans to fight, and Levi and hange-san are literally like a metre away. They'll hear."

"So you'd rather flirt in private in the trees, hm? Because I can make that happen." He said with a shit-eating grin and his eyebrows raised. "Or is it that you're shy?" He laughed a little, "Please tell me that you're not shy, I can't take that"

You raised your eyes, staring into his, "it took me so many years to be honest about my feelings, do you still think I can be confident?" You start walking towards the horses.

He'd follow after you and look into your eyes as you did to him, "Aww, y/n.. You're so adorable like that. I don't know how you expect me to get any work done when you're looking at me like that and plus I don't think you can be confident. You are confident, whether you like it or not"

He'd smile softly and gently caress your cheek with his hand, "You're perfect y/n."

You don't even realise that your eyes are getting filled with tears. All you can think about right now is being with him. In fact, you don't even want to go fight those stupid huge things, you just want to...stay besides him. As if on instinct you open your arms and hug him, embrace him tightly. And you guys just stand there for a while, Jean's hands caressing your back, as though he knows the rush of anxiety you're going through. His "shhh" and "it's alright's" actually impacted you. But you think...now you'll always need him. You'll always require him and only him to comfort you.

"Now go, go on. They're all looking at you waiting for you to do something." You wipe your eyes before he can see your tears and just look at him. Wih a clear vision. With a deep breath you walk down to the stables to fetch your horse.

He'd lean against the tree again and watch you, grinning as his eyes trailed down your body gently. He'd watch the way you walked, from your ass to your legs. Eventually he'd look back up at your face and smirk before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

Sasha comes by him, "who're you staring at?"

"No one" He'd smile slightly "Just enjoying the view, that's all."

He'd then open his eyes to look up at you "What are you doing here though Sasha? It's not time for your training yet is it?"

Sasha narrows her eyes, "horse face, I've been a little too suspicious of you and y/n..." she looks between you two, "what is going on with you two?"

"If you must know, y/n really is beautiful, so why shouldn't I be interested? She's funny, charming, and she's an amazing kisser...."

Sasha cranes her neck so hard that she hears a 'crack' "Ow!" Jean stops to look at her, "woah easy.."

"Then.. that'd mean you..you kissed her?"

And all he did was give a wink. But Sasha appeared rather worried. Maybe, it was just like all those times. Jean just wanted attention, someone to be with him. She was worried you'd end up getting your heart broken. But when she stared at Jean for a while, she realised...the way he looked at you, was similar to the way Mikasa looked at eren...and that said something. Because Sasha has only ever seen her being so devoted to someone. "You're in love Jean..." Sasha says.

"You're damn straight I'm in love with her. I don't think I've ever felt like this about anyone before."

Sasha smirks and pats Jean's shoulder, "good luck getting your angel..." And leaves.

He'd groan as he realised that Sasha was right, before he'd turn back and look at you once more before walking, his hands into his pockets, "...angel though." He'd smirk as he leaned against the tree again, thinking about what Sasha said. "Y/n... My angel? I like that. Maybe that'll be one of her nicknames.." He'd sigh, smiling faintly as he thought about different nicknames he knew you would definitely like or hate.

You walked up to him with your horse. "I believe you might've seen Sapphire but never had a good introduction." You bring her close with the leash to Jean, rubbing the bridge of her nose, "Say hi Sapphire,...this..is my lover."

He smiled at the name you gave the horse while gushing over how you called him your lover and pet her head gently before turning to you, "...Be safe y/n, okay?" He looks into your eyes gently and makes a promise to you before climbing onto the horse with you, "And when you get back, I'm getting that second kiss. You better remember that, cause I know I do.."

You blush at the proximity of you two on the horse. So close, it was just like the night it all started. His hard front upon your back, his warmth on your arms and his breath felt on the crook of your neck.

"...now get off i have work to do."

"Alright, alright", He'd hop off and watch as you rode out of the training grounds and off towards your mission,"Good luck y/n!" He called out to you as you started riding further away. He'd then take one last look at you, blushing a little for a moment before looking away, "I'm gonna need that kiss next time I see you." Yes. He yelled it. Infront of everyone. And he knows the kind of expression you'd be making. And how you'd scold him once you get back but then melt away with his touch.

Those were the last words i heard.

Before the echoing roars of these monsters.

You were frozen. Seeing the horrendous conditions of the village. You thought the titans were finally eliminated at least from the villages, because the only ones left were around the Paradis island.

Your feet didn't let you make a move. Besides, Sapphire was injured in her back limb. Everything around you happened in slow motion. From the blood splashing everywhere, to the head of titans being slaughtered to the ground. Or the fellow soldiers being ruthlessly handled by the titans.

You...should do something.

"Now go, go on. They're all looking at you waiting for you to do something."

Even in this battlefield, his voice sounded clear. It echoed throughout your brain. A moment later, a fellow corps member came by you, informing you how the the person who was supposed to call for back up was crushed by the titans. Meaning.... there's no way this can end easily.

Maybe...

Just maybe, this might be the end.

'If any one of us had to leave this world for good, then let it be me first. Let it be me...'

With a deep breath, you whipped sapphire's leash and she was obeying while running towards the titans. A deep rage had awoken inside of you. A deep,..desire to..fight!

You rode all across the biggest Titan which seemed to be crushing everyone around. As soon as you reached it, it tried to kill you by using its feet but you dogded it successfully, thanks to Sapphire.

With that being said, his feet once stomped right besides you, that's when you took the chance to use your sword as a support for climbing it's huge body. When it pierced it's skin, it tried to yank you off of him but you kept hanging. Grunting, it was hard... you were sweating all over and your clothes were splattered by blood.

With much power you managed to climb till it's arms which was a bad idea, it's big hand came hovering over your tiny body. However, you hung yourself on to the finger and used the 3D maneuvering gear to reach till it's nape and slash it.

The cut was successful, you hung yourself on a tree branch, panting heavily. Tears flowing uncontrollably. You screamed. You screamed your lungs off because this was exhausting. You were wailing. Don't know for what?

Freedom? Love? Death?

Something..that gave me peace.

You let your guard off too soon.

You hear a crack, and when you look down, it's the same Titan, using its body to cut down the tree. Your wide eyes looks at it in horror. Fear was creeping inside of you....was it? Because you didn't try doing anything on instinct. You...just wanted to fall.

"Be safe y/n, okay?"

His voice still lingers on. His touch as well. His warmth...

You were going to fight. If not for yourself then for Jean. The tree began to tilt and you used your gear just in time to cling on to the another tree. Another Titan had started to hover over you. It had enormous eyes and it's hair were crippled and messy. Your hooded eyes looked at it and while grinding your teeth, you used all your strength to slash it's nape. Your other injuries were starting to act up. Especially, the one where the titan threw a big ass rock at you.

This time, it was successful. However, the gas in your gear had started to decrease. To the point...it went empty. You fell off in mid air...

Half unconscious because of the previous injuries.

Somehow, this felt...quiet. and nice.

It was like all your worries were gone. Just you sliding down, like in your dreams. However, this time you weren't gonna wake up with a jolt.

The tears prickled at the corner of your eyes as the memories of your teammates, your friends, your family started to appear. You smiled nonetheless. And the last memory before your blood started to run cold, was of that horse face. That idiot who made you fall for him. Called, Jean Kirstin.

And before you knew you were gasping for oxygen because you had hit the hard ground. As the last tear fell, your eyes closed...for an eternity.

Jean would turn around to see Armin running with a worried expression. "Wh-what happened Armin?"

"The village where the titans attacked..." He paused and hunched over to pant, "The bodies..they brought the bodies!"

His eyes automatically grew wide. Just thinking that you were also involved in this. He ran with Armin as both of them went to the group of survivors that fought. All of them injured, Captain Levi, could be seen near a man, his clothes also spoiled with blood spots. Somehow it relieved him to see Captain Levi, he thought if he was here then that'd mean you were safe.

His head moved in every direction to look for you. He even called out for you in the crowd. Until a man responded, "are you perhaps looking for..Y/n?" And Jean immediately shook his head. However, the expression of the man made his anxiety act up. He saw the man shuffle something in his pockets, "She clenched it hard in her hands.."

"Y/n?" He'd say, his eyes widening as his heart stopped. He'd take the pendant and look down at it, not knowing what to say or do, "I-I don't understand.. She was just here.. It can't be.." He'd mutter, placing his other hand on his head in distress. His other hand would hold the pendant to his heart, staring at it with a dead expression "y/n.."

Armin who was standing beside Jean, was stunned. "It can't be.." he whispered. Captain Levi from a distance walked over to them, "I caught her before she could hit the ground..." Levi's hoarse voice informed. "It couldn't be helped.." he said and left.

Jean knew deep inside Levi was beating himself for not being able to save you. The man spoke up once again, "You can..see her body."

He took a step back, feeling the world around him spin. His body felt like it was going to crumble any minute now he was so shocked. "No.." He said, softly as he looked down at the necklace "I-I want to remember her when she was alive.. And I don't think I could handle being near the body without falling to pieces.. He'd take a pause, letting out a sigh as he tried to compose himself.

For the briefest moment, he felt proud that you had been able to protect everyone from that titan before he quickly realised the truth.

"...She's dead now..." He'd murmur "We have to tell everyone else.. Especially Eren and Mikasa.. They.. They were the closest to her.. And... She was gonna kiss me..."

He'd take a deep breath, feeling the pain of the loss all too well "..She'll never kiss me now..."

Eren, Mikasa, Connie and Sasha come running towards you. This time Sasha spoke, "Jean... where's Y/n?"

He kept quite. Not saying a word. He just couldn't. He couldn't say that you were gone. His eyes would lock with Eren's, staring right at him with tears in his eyes, "She's... She's gone..I couldn't do anything.." His voice broke at the end and he looked down at the ground, closing his eyes, "I-I couldn't save her Sasha... I couldn't save her..."

It was not something new. It had happened quite a few times before. Then..how come it affected them so much this time? Everyone's voices would seem quiet to Jean as he spoke. All he could hear was his own thoughts at this point, "I couldn't save her.. Why.. Why couldn't it have been me? She should be here now..."

Connie put a hand on jean's shoulder, "it's not only your fault...we..we couldn't do anything as well." tears trickled from his eyes.

He looked at Connie, "But I was supposed to be there with her.. I was supposed to protect her... I don't understand.." He'd place his hand on his forehead as he looked back up, "I should've been able to save her.. That's what I should've been able to do.."

this time Mikasa spoke, "jean...she would've wanted you to be strong." she wiped her tears, "..let's start with burying her..." He'd sniff slightly and nod gently

"That's.. Right.. She wouldn't want me just standing here mopping.. We need to move..". He'd then turn to everyone and motion for them to follow him, "Let's get moving, I know where she wanted me to bury her."

He started walking towards the forest, waiting for the others to follow him before continuing through the trees, away from the military grounds.

It was the tree, under which you both shared your first kiss. And a confession as well.

"Alright... This is the place.. y/n and I would come here a lot whenever we got a break from training. She loved it here, so this is where I'm gonna bury her."

He'd take a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before starting to dig the grave "It shouldn't be too big.. We don't wanna attract any mindless titans."

He'd say this to explain himself more than anything else. Connie, Levi and eren help in digging the ground. A while later, your body is shown to them. He looked at you with tears in his eyes once again. He took in your face, running his eyes over you.

He noticed every mark on your face, all the little things that made him love you so much and he physically winced at your state. He'd sigh again heavily, putting a hand on your cheek. Eyes closed, he brought you closer to his chest, like you were just asleep and he wanted you to keep being like that.

A small tear rolled down his face as he held you gently, taking in your warmth one last time.

Everyone went silent. The atmosphere was sad, a few raindrops fell. It was as if the sky cried for you. Levi, finally told jean to bury the body.

He gave your face one last gentle kiss before slowly laying you down gently inside the grave, "I got the kiss...i guess." He paused and sighed before covering you with the soil, tears rolling down his face as he did so.

"I'll miss you.. My angel..so much.." He wiped his eyes gently "...I love you y/n.. always."

Love...funny thing isn't it?

His eyes looked up at the sky, as he began to think, though it seemed more like he was speaking to himself.

He would take a deep breath, still looking up at the sky "..Yeah, it's a funny thing, even when it hurts..."

I'll always love you. So, let's meet in another universe. Where I can be embraced by you peacefully, where I won't have to worry about losing you, where we'll talk about all the silly things. Where I'll give you your second kiss.

"I'll always love you y/n too, my sweet angel"

He smiled gently as he began to imagine a place where he could hold you once more, feeling the love he had for you deeply as he looked up at the sky.

"Maybe in another universe I'll be able to hold you.. And kiss you once more, a sweet kiss with no regrets or anything holding me back..."

"...maybe there's one where you're still alive, and where I could have a chance to hold you one more time..."

The end.

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crisalidaseason · 10 months

Note

Hey,if you do platonic stuff would you be willing to do platonic Armin,Mikasa (can be separate or grouped together) x reader Headcanons?

Hello! I sure do platonic stuff, it's one of my favorites. Hope you enjoy it <3

CW: written in second person (you)

Platonic!Mikasa x reader

Contrary to popular belief, Mikasa isn't difficult to befriend. She is quiet and reserved, yes, but if you came up to her and said "Hi" she would politely say it back. Building a friendship with her takes a little time but once it's established she is a friend for life.

She listens to you attentively, offers companionship whenever needed. She is not the best person when it comes to advice, but will try her best to help you in any situation.

Kind of friend that cares for you in a blunt and not so delicate way. When she notices you haven't had any water or food for a while, she randomly excuses herself and comes back shoving water and a snack and towards you. You also will be scolded with a "Hydration and sustenance are important". Same goes for sleep, she will, in fact, aggressively roll you into a cigarette with the sheets and say "now sleep"

If you like physical affection, it might take her a while to feel comfortable, since she is a bit awkward about it. Funnily enough, she really enjoys playing with hair (doing hairstyles, braiding, brushing, she even gives haircuts or helps dying). One of her love languages is caring for your hair.

A bit overly protective of you, to the point you actually have to stop her from getting into trouble because she can be rather impulsive. If someone hurts you, Mikasa won't be nice and depending on de situation she can even turn to physical harm. Bullies will never try you again once Mikasa gets a hold of them.

She has a hard time expressing her needs so sometimes you have to really pressure her into telling you what she wants to do or if she needs something. Mikasa has a tendency to overlook her own wishes for the people she loves.

In moments of vulnerability, she gets really apprehensive. She wants to comfort you but is also afraid of not being able to. And if she is the one hurt, it will take a while for her to open up to comfort. Mikasa is the kind of person to break down in a very painful way and she likes to do it alone.

She has a sense of humor. A very dry and blunt one, Mikasa cracks jokes with such a straight face you would not even notice it was a joke at first. And the worst part is that the jokes are good.

She is a gift-giving person through and through. Loves gifting you handmade stuff, inviting you for walks and buying a nice beverage that you've been craving.

Platonic!Armin x reader

Nervous and anxious boy, a complete disaster, and yet you two connect fast. It all starts with shy "hellos" here and there, silent greetings, until eventually both of you bond over the same topics and bond rather quickly. Armin is a very friendly person.

Much like Mikasa, he always notices if you haven't had any food, water or sleep, but he will be more gentle and discreet about it. He randomly shares his water with you, whatever he is snacking on and even invites you to nap together. He also is very aware of any mood swings, specially if you're depressed.

Extremely against you practicing any kind of self-loathing, but he also understands that just scolding you makes no difference, instead he tries to show you realistic situations in which you were important and meaningfull.

He really enjoys spending his free time with you, on a random corner either reading something or just talking about the most mundane things. Also, he is a gossiper and knows too much about many people, it is intriguing. He just pops up beside you with a "I have news about you know who" and off the two of you go to a hidden place with stolen food and muffled laughs.

He is an insomniac, and if you also are then he is the perfect companion. A sleepless Armin is an unintentionally comedic Armin, which means a lot of funny conversations that make absolutely no sense.

He likes to gift you books or read them with you, but please never borrow any of his books. He has a possessive relationship with his paper babies. If you want recommendations, Armin will deliver with at least an entire page of book titles, with ratings.

He's not a fan of hugs or physical affection in general (because he is touch starved and physical affection makes him cry profusely), but if you're in need of comfort he is the best hugger and his words actually make you feel better. He know what to say.

Also, in difficult moments, he lets you rant and let it all out without interrupting or trying to give solutions when you're not in the mood for it. But, he is also really good at actually helping you with something.

Is not a fan of crowded places, which means he takes you to many places in town that are very good in price or view and yet is silent and calm. He is the king of cheap and actually good places, knows all the fun events that are happening too.

He is a bit insecure about your friendship, afraid that one day you're going to notice he is not so cool (in his opinion) and just disappear. He might need some words of affirmation because he really cherishes your friendship.

That's all! Thank you so much for the request. I genuinely hope this was good!!

#attack on titan fanifc #aot #aot x reader #armin x reader #armin x you #mikasa ackerman #mikasa x reader #mikasa x you

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yellowalstroemeria · 11 months

Text

Myosotis: preview (Mikasa x fem!reader)

There are not enough fanfics about Mikasa, so I had to change that. This is a preview of a fanfic I'm working on.

Grey is a depressive colour. Although it symbolizes loss, you could not feel more content staring into her silvery irises. Her smoke enwreathes your curiosity, suffocating your cognizance.

Her hands caressed your face with such gentleness that made you believe you were a valuable porcelain doll and all the chill seeping out of your body.

Eyes heavy with all the sleepless nights catching up to you. You battled against the slumber creeping up on you. Wanting to stay awake with her forever.

“Come on Sweetie, wake up.”, a honey-like voice woke you from your dream, “It is almost noon, did you sleep in again?”, the sweet voice giggled.

With great struggle you open your eyes, seeing a silhouette open the blinds from your peripheral vision. Drawing closer, the shadowy figure molds to take shape. “Ah… another nightmare?”, the voice sighed.

Finally, your exhausted mind makes sense of what the voice said, becoming conscious of the wet feeling on your cheek.

You raise your hand and wipe your cheek. Fingertips now stained with clear salty liquid. Tears…

Have you cried in your sleep?

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starstruckkittensweets · 1 year

Text

“Kisses in the Morning Rain” Pt. V

Fandom: Attack on Titan Pairing: Eren x Reader Words: 5k

Warnings: Season 4 spoilers (mostly for Part 1), canon divergence, Reader is a Titan Shifter, open discrimination against Eldians and Paradis, references to depression and coping with PTSD, Reader has unhealthy feelings towards her life and her Titan (and the choices she’s made)

A/N: Ooh boy, it’s been quite a while since I’ve visited this story! I’ve been thinking and sitting on this chapter for a while, it’s taken forever for me to actually sit down and write it and edit it. I’ve been teasing Reader and Eren’s “official” reunion for an extremely long time and finally it’s here! There’s a little bit of angst and a hint of old feelings that may or may not be completely gone at this point. I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Taglist: @ranitani, @katsies, @dream-alittlebiggerdarling, @lattebabie

“Kisses in the Morning Rain” Masterlist

The castle is silent the night after Shiganshina. Dark and empty, a far cry from the previous night. You still remember the celebration the Survey Corps had thrown, with the newfound support from the Reeves Company and the citizens of Trost. Lanterns had been lit; meat had been shared; mugs of ale clanked together, spilling little droplets across the tables and floors. You remember sitting at the table close to the center of the room, with Eren and Mikasa and Armin, and the rest of the kids from the 104th Training Corps. Sasha had gone crazy over the tantalizing scent of meat (as expected), forcing Jean and Connie to tie her up until she calmed down. You remember heading outside with Eren and the others, staring up at the stars that lingered over the city of Trost. You remember bidding them goodnight before heading back to the barracks—only for a hand on your shoulder to stop you once you reached the door.

“Follow me,” Eren whispered with a smile, and the two of you set off for Trost in the middle of the night, plunking down your savings for a room in a tavern, sharing a bed for the first time ever.

And quite possibly, the last time ever.

Now, the base is eerily quiet, with only ten Scouts left alive after the whole ordeal in Shiganshina. Commander Hanji and Levi are in Erwin’s office—Hanji’s office, you suppose now—and Jean, Connie, and Sasha are fast asleep in the barracks, huddled close together. Mikasa and Armin are somewhere around here, probably with Eren in the castle, and you don’t know where Floch could be; and frankly, you aren’t really interested.

Zeke’s words from earlier spiral around in your mind. You can feel your Titan’s power growing beneath your skin, practically begging to be let out. After five years, it’s remained dormant beneath your human skin, worn out and left unused after all this time.

Fine’s face flashes behind your eyes. How is she faring nowadays? She’s still so young—only six years old when you left Marley. You still remember the tears that spilled from her eyes, her little arms wound tightly around your waist as she begged her sister not to go. Both her mother and father assured her it was for the good of the family, for the good of Marley, and that you would be back home soon enough. But she’d refused to let go, sobbing into the skirt of your dress and begging to come along with you.

She should be eleven now. Is she still waiting for you to return home? Or has she given up on waiting and assumes you’ve been killed?

You think of Zeke and Reiner, who are waiting for you just on the shore of the island, at the southernmost tip. Zeke expects you to come along with them. After all, how will you ever see your beloved sister again if you don’t join them on the journey home?

Returning to Marley is the last thing you want to do. You don’t want to live that life anymore, as heir to the Tybur family, holder of the War Hammer Titan, secret ruler of the nation of Marley from the shadows. You want to live here for the rest of your life, as a member of the Survey Corps. As a friend to Mikasa and Armin, and the other 104th kids. As a friend to Eren, and maybe something more someday…

But if it’s for Fine…

The choice is yours to make: remain here on this island and never return to your home across the sea, and running the risk of burning in hell along with the rest of these island devils…or going home to see your family again, your sister again, and fulfilling your duty as Lady Tybur, heir to your family’s bloodline, and quite possibly the future ruler of Marley itself.

A deep breath rattles your chest. You’ve made your decision.

As quietly as you can, you slip out the barracks and close the door softly behind you. You can’t exactly take a horse with you, lest you draw any suspicion and lead someone to come looking for you. You’ll have to travel on foot, and then transform into your Titan once you’re far away from Shiganshina. Then, you’ll be able to catch up with Zeke and Reiner before dawn breaks.

You pull the hood of your cape over your head, giving you an extra sense of security through the shadows. Hidden in the nearby forest is a set of ODM gear, placed inside the hollow of a tree earlier in the day. You wanted to be prepared, no matter what you decided to choose for yourself.

The first few minutes pass in absolute silence. Not even the wind whistles through the trees. You hug your cape closer to your chest, blocking out the slight breeze that ruffles your hair.

It’s easy to slip through the outer gate of Trost when the guard is drunk and half-asleep. He mumbles something incoherently as you show your Scout’s badge and mumble something about, “Late night patrol of the Walls.” He’s too wasted to question you, simply nodding you along and not even batting an eye as you scale the surface with your ODM gear.

You keep your footsteps light as you walk along the top of the Wall, half admiring the view of the valley below, and half debating whether or not the choice you’ve made is the right one. As much as you want to go home and see Fine again, you don’t feel comfortable leaving the Scouts in the middle of the night. Perhaps you should head back, at least leave a note so they know not to worry about you…

No. That’ll only worsen the pain. It’s best to just leave like this for now, leaving no trace for them to follow. It’s harsh, but it’s more merciful than giving them a false sense of hope of finding you.

Mindless Titans don’t move at night, as long as they’re not summoned by the Beast Titan. So you should be safe for the majority of the trek to Shiganshina. Zeke knows you’re on your way, so he won’t go out of his way to cause too much trouble. At least, you hope he won’t.

You wait a few more minutes in the dark, waiting for the guard to lumber off in search of more alcohol, before sliding down the base of the Wall. You catch yourself with your hooks just in time, lowering yourself to the grass.

One more look at the city of Trost, from over your shoulder. You swallow hard, press your palms to your cheeks, and take a deep breath.

Time to get going.

There’s a forest on the other side of the valley just outside of Trost. Once you make it there, you’ll be able to use your ODM gear to move around, instead of running on foot the entire way to Shiganshina. It won’t be a hard journey, as much as it’ll be time consuming. But at least you’ll be able to get there by—

A twig snaps behind you. Suddenly you’re twirling around on your feet, blade in hand, and grabbing the person by the collar of their shirt.

Eren stares back at you, mouth agape and eyes wide with disbelief.

Your stomach drops to your shoes. Oh no…

Out of everyone within the Walls who could’ve found you trying to escape…Eren is the last person you wanted to see you like this.

Did he follow you all the way from the castle? How did he get past the guard at Trost? He’s wearing his own ODM gear, so he obviously came prepared…

But why does it have to be him that finds you? Why is it always him?

“…Eren—”

“You’re going with them, aren’t you?”

You wince, shame coiling in the pit of your stomach. You lower the blade at once, taking a step back. “Eren, listen to me…” But the words don’t come. What could you possibly say that would make this situation better, for either of you at this point? What could you say that would make him not despise you for the rest of his life?

His fists tremble at his sides; green eyes burn with fury in the darkness. You stretch your fingers out to him—the ones not holding the blade—but he curls away at once, snarling in your direction.

“Was it all a lie? Were you just pretending to be one of us? Just so you wouldn’t get dragged down with them?!”

Your chest aches at the memories of Reiner and Bertholdt, looking at you with that same glint of betrayal in their eyes. The same one that swims in Eren’s gaze right now, through the silver shimmer of tears.

“Eren, it’s not like that, I promise! I have to go home, or else I—”

“This is your home! With the Scouts! With Armin and Mikasa!”

With me.

“Eren, I can’t stay here forever! I have family waiting for me!” The tears are hot and heavy against your cheeks, streaming down like little waterfalls. There’s no way around it; you have to break his heart. Or else he’ll never let you leave.

“But we’re your family, aren’t we?!”

You think of Sasha and Connie, skilled soldiers but still children at heart. You think of Jean, who always teases Eren and manages to get on his nerves. You think of Armin, loving him like the brother you never had, crying over him when you thought he was gone for good. You think of Mikasa, not exactly a sister but much more than a friend—an idol, a shoulder to cry on, someone worth having at your side.

And you think of Eren, and the promise you made to each other last night in the tavern.

“…You are. But I have to go, or else there won’t be another chance for me to leave.”

A heavy silence falls over the two of you. You stand there in the heart of the forest, panting hard, with sweat gleaming along your forehead. Eren is the same, more or less, his fists shaking at his sides.

“So that’s it then, huh?” His voice is dangerously low when he finally speaks, sending a shiver down your spine. “You’re leaving for good, even after everything?”

Everything: the battle for Trost, the clash with the Armored and Colossal Titans, the secrets of the Reiss family, the fight for Shiganshina. You wish you could go back in time and relive it all, as long as it means keeping Eren at your side.

“Yes,” your voice is icy when you respond. “I am.”

Eren suddenly explodes, eyes blazing with anger. “I trusted you! We all did! And you’re just going to leave like it’s nothing?!”

You remember the promise, made in the darkness of the tavern, as the gentle rain fell beyond the window. Your dream of marrying him and living together in a little cabin, in a forest much like this one, will never die. Even after what happens tonight, you know it’ll always stay with you, begging to be fulfilled.

No. You have your duties back at home. A family to please. A nation to govern. A sister to see.

“I’m sorry.”

Your voice catches in your throat on the last word, as the tears finally spill down Eren’s cheeks. You suck in a breath, sheathe your blade at once, and start running through the trees towards Shiganshina, fighting tears the whole way there.

Eren doesn’t follow you; not that you expect him to. Still, you don’t look back, until the sun creeps over the horizon. Finally, standing on the outskirts of Shiganshina, you glance over your shoulder at the lands of Wall Rose behind you.

And bid farewell to the life you once knew—to the boy you once loved with all your heart.

“Eren.”

His hair has grown out quite a bit—you remember seeing it in the battle of Liberio—now tied back in a messy bun, with loose brown strands framing his forehead. He’s taller, now that you see him up close, with a firm layer of muscle built around his arms and legs. An olive green coat, similar to the ones Hanji and Armin wore when they visited you, hugs his chest and shoulders, showing off the outline of his muscles.

…He’s bigger than you remember. Taller. Stronger. Dangerous.

He says nothing at all, not even when you press your face against the bars, squinting at him through the faint light of the lantern above.

“Eren,” you try again, and this time he looks you in the eye…but you don’t know what else to say.

What could you possibly say to him at this point?

Nothing. The word swirls around in your head, making your stomach churn as it rears its ugly head. Nothing will make it better. Nothing will make him love you, or even like you anymore. Nothing will heal the wounds you’ve inflicted on him. Nothing will mend the ties you’ve severed between you two.

You can do nothing, except watch as every promise you’ve ever made and dream you’ve ever had crumble to dust around you.

“Armin mentioned he was planning to visit you.” His voice is deeper, and you curse as goosebumps prickle along your arms at the sound. “He said I should come, too…just in case.”

Just in case what? But you’re too stunned to speak, too afraid you’ll break the spell and suddenly he’ll be gone, and this will all turn out to be a silly dream.

Eren heaves a breath, pressing his back against the damp wall of the dungeon. He stares at you, eyes drifting from the top of your head, to your hands clenched around the iron bars, to the shreds of the skirt of your dress—and finally back to your eyes once more.

“You tried to kill me.”

“You tried to do the same to me,” he replies, voice as cold as ice.

Anger sears through your veins at his passive tone. “You killed my uncle, Willy Tybur.”

For a moment, you think you see a flash of pain in Eren’s eyes. But it’s gone in the blink of an eye, leaving you wondering if you truly saw it in the first place.

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know he was your family—that you were…”

The War Hammer Titan, you finish silently for him. Your fingers tremble against the iron bars—from rage or sadness, you aren’t sure.

“Well, I am.”

“…So Reiner was right about you back then, wasn’t he?”

Your throat closes up, tongue thick with tears. How desperately you want to go back to those days, when life was filled with simple pleasures and tiny victories. When you found the strength to smile with the people around you. When you found the courage to love one of those island devils your home country spit on from across the sea.

“…Yeah, he was right.” No point in hiding from it now, is there? “I’ve had the War Hammer since I was ten years old. But…I never had to use it on the island.”

At least, you didn’t want to use it. You never wanted to use your family’s greatest weapon, even if it was for the good of Marley. Even if it protected you from those filthy island devils.

An awkward silence settles over the two of you; the only sounds nearby are the crackling of the lantern’s flame, and the echoing drip down the damp hall. Eren slowly sinks to the ground, crossing his legs beneath him as he takes a seat. You follow his lead, not missing the way his eyes travel down to the torn scraps of your dress. You’ve been stuck in this dress for days now—you desperately need a change.

Besides, this dress reminds you of death. Best to get out of it as soon as you can.

“You left us.”

You swallow hard. “I did.”

“You left me.”

“…I did.” And I’m sorry for that.

“I hate you.”

You lift your eyes, offering a weak smile. “I hate myself, too.”

Eren’s quiet after that, still glaring at you with those burning green eyes. Tracing his palms in the dirt, mirroring your movements as the minutes crawl by. It’s pure torture, being so close to him like this, and yet so far away. But you can’t expect anything less now; you’ve brought this on yourself.

You’re the reason why he’s so cold now.

Maybe…if things were different…

“Why don’t you want the War Hammer’s power?”

The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Eren stares at you in silence, lips parted in what appears to be shock, but he doesn’t dare interrupt you.

“You want it, don’t you? That’s why you killed my uncle—you thought he had the War Hammer Titan instead. That’s why you ate him that night…” Your throat feels tight as you glare at him. “So take it—it’s yours! I don’t want it anymore!”

I don’t want it. I don’t want it.

All this fighting, this needless bloodshed…this gut-wrenching guilt… It’s killing you on the inside. It’s been killing you for the past four years, ever since you returned from the island of devils. Endless nights of crying into your pillow, putting on a brave face for your family, locking your feelings away in the deepest corners of your mind.

How many times have you heard your aunt say “It’s a phase, she’ll get over it, eventually,” even when you were in the room with her? How many times have you screamed yourself awake in the dead of night, plagued by memories of blood and bone and fire? How many times have you desperately wished you could go back to that island—or better yet, wishing that you’d never left in the first place?

You want it to end. And if giving your Titan to Eren will make it stop…then that’s the price you’re willing to pay.

It’s a selfish wish; your death won’t do any good to the nation of Marley or your own family. Your aunt will be distraught, the kids confused as to why their cousin isn’t coming home, and Fine… Your heart breaks at the thought of her sweet face, eyes glossed over with sadness, lip quivering between her teeth. Your death will only bring more pain onto her and the rest of your family. Not to mention, Marley’s anger toward the people of Paradis will only grow worse once they learn of your death at the hands of Eren Jaeger—if it already hasn’t, that is.

But you can’t take this anymore. You can’t stand the long nights and broken sobs and bloodstained memories. You just want it to stop.

Eren eyes you up and down once more. For a fleeting moment you wonder if he’s actually going to go through with it; slice his palm and transform just enough to kill you. He only has to preserve your spinal fluid, after all. The rest of your body can be destroyed.

But then he shakes his head, lets out a sigh, and walks out of the room altogether. The heavy door slams shut behind him, echoing in the darkness.

You’re surprised when Eren visits you for the next few days after that. He doesn’t do much other than sit there and stare at you, listening to you mumble to yourself about how much you want him to kill you. Once or twice he’ll ask you about Marley, about the real reason you left Paradis that night. But he’s always met with snarls and glares, and eventually he shrugs and gives up on interrogating you. (At least he never brings Captain Levi down for the interrogations; you don’t think you have the strength to face him just yet.)

Hanji finally returns with a fresh change of clothes for you, as well as a little washtub for you to clean yourself up in, on the third day after Eren’s first visit. You’re relieved to finally get out of that tattered dress and clean up a bit.

“Even if you’re our prisoner, it’s not right to let you wither away like this. And besides, Eren thought you’d might be more comfortable,” she adds with a lighthearted half-smile, and for a moment you can see the Titan-crazed scientist you once learned to love—and not just this shell of her former self.

Of course, Eren denies this when you confront him about it. But he still makes an effort to visit you, even if the two of you are silent for the entire time.

Through your conversations with Armin and Hanji, and maybe once or twice through Eren, you’re able to gather bits and pieces of what’s happening above ground. Apparently Paradis is celebrating their victory over Marley, having wiped out both the Beast Titan and the War Hammer Titan.

…Oh.

It must only be a matter of time before you’re eaten, then. Either to Eren, or to someone else entirely, if he still refuses.

“You’re working with the Scouts, then,” you grumble through a mouthful of bread. Eren was kind enough to bring you your meal when he came down here (probably on the orders of Hanji). “Still doing their bidding then, huh?”

“I don’t see how that’s any different than you and Marley.”

It’s hard not to wince at the truth of his words. How different are the two nations, really? Acting in their personal interests, the interest of their people, using children to their advantage, going to great lengths to ensure their success as a nation. To showcase their strength to the rest of the world as it watches on in horror. The only difference is, the people of Paradis wouldn’t even know about Marley’s existence, if it hadn’t been for you, Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie.

Still, there’s that inkling of doubt inside you—that little flame that flickers to life—that makes you glare at him through the bars of your cell.

“I have no loyalty to Marley anymore. Only to my family.”

Eren scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sure you don’t.”

Of course, he won’t believe you. He still sees you as the girl that left him for dead, when he needed you the most. The girl that plotted against his back the entire time he’s known you—the one he spent a night with in that little tavern in Trost. The one that played him for a fool…the one he was stupid enough to trust with his life.

You sigh and lean against the bars, still munching on the bread in your hands. There’s no point in thinking about the past, is there? Not when he still hates you like this. Besides, it’s not as though anything sufficient can come from dwelling on it, right?

“That’s why I left. To go back to my family.”

“Armin told me he suspected just as much.”

Oh? You didn’t expect Armin to share such personal memories with him like that. You know the burden of carrying past memories all too well, from the former inheritors of the War Hammer Titan, your own ancestors.

“I might leave again, too. Just to go back to them.”

“Yeah, I bet you fucking would.”

There’s a twisted sense of pride that bubbles in your chest at his tone. Even after all these years, you still have so much power over him. You can still piss him off so easily, and he can’t do a damn thing about it. Besides, he’s already marked you for dead; he sees you as a traitor, a mere pawn of Marley, far away from her home across the sea. The damage’s already done, so what’s the harm in twisting the knife a little bit?

Still, you can’t help but grimace at the tiniest swirl of guilt settling in your stomach.

“You ever think about that, Eren?” The rest of the bread crumbles in your mouth when you speak. “Leaving all of this behind?” When you’re met with silence, you glance at him from over your shoulder, smiling at the way he clenches his arms over his chest. “I mean, you did before, when we joined the Scouts. You wanted to leave the Walls behind. Live in the outside world.”

With me, but you keep that to yourself.

“You still wanna do it? Run away and leave it all be—”

“That’s enough,” he snarls, and your stomach grows warm at the familiar angry glint in his eyes.

“What, you ashamed of it all of a sudden? I guess you’re right, you can’t really leave now, what with you being the Scout Regiment’s dog.”

If it were any other soldier you would’ve been rewarded with a smack across the mouth, or maybe even a personal beating behind the bars of your cell. But Eren has never raised a hand to you, never once made a move to hurt you outside of the necessary combat training, of course. (You know Mikasa would’ve had his ass for it before, but now you’re not so sure you can count on her.) You can spit out the lowest, scummiest insults you can think of and he would never lift a finger to stop you. Orders are orders I guess, huh?

Besides, if he’s so insistent on keeping you alive and continuing this torture, you might as well make the best of it, right?

“You would probably get more use out of my Titan than I ever could.” You trace a finger along the sleeve of your dress, a plain brown piece that Hanji gave you just a few days ago. Every once in a while she comes by with a new set of clothes, just so you don’t have to sit in the same pile of dust and grime for too long. “So take it already. I don’t care, I won’t fight you. Take it right now.”

Silence is your answer. With a hard swallow you clench your fists at the tops of your knees and turn around to face him. The cold steel bars of the cell could easily snap at the twitch of your fingers, a silent call to the Titan resting beneath your skin.

“Take it already. You want to kill me anyway, don’t you? Get your revenge on me for leaving you all behind and running back to Marley. I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest, Eren. So take it.”

Kill me already. It’s what we both want, right? So why prolong this torture? Why keep me hidden in here for days on end, if we both know only one of us is leaving this underground cell alive? Why keep me around if all you’re going to do is kill me in the end?

But he remains silent, reminding you of those statues dotting the gorgeous cities of Marley. A grim reminder of the life you left behind, and the darkened future that looms over your head.

“Fucking take it already!”

You’re on your feet in a flash, nails tearing at the skin of your wrist. At the first flash of red Eren’s arm is reaching through the bars, covering the wound with the palm of his hand. You’re panting hard in his grasp, the steel bars biting into the skin of your cheeks.

“Don’t,” he whispers, and for a moment he sounds like he’s in pain. What do you have to be in pain about, Eren? “Don’t do anything stupid.”

A sour laugh rips from your throat. “I’ve already done too many stupid things in my life, Jaeger. Too many to keep track of. Face it, I’m more trouble than I’m worth. So kill me already. Kill me and take the War Hammer for yourself.”

“You don’t want that.”

“Oh, you don’t think so? That’s too bad.”

Who the fuck does he think he is, telling you what you want and don’t want, as though he has even the faintest clue of what you’ve gone through in the last four years? He doesn’t know of the wine bottles you used to sneak away when your aunt and uncle weren’t looking, stashing them in a secret corner of your closet, only to break them out whenever your mind ran too rampant for you to get to sleep. He doesn’t know of the memories you’ve endured over the years, how many different tastes of blood linger on your tongue with every heir of the War Hammer Titan. He doesn’t know how much your body and mind hurt whenever you think of that damned Titan lurking beneath your skin, scratching and biting and whining, begging to be set free at every waking moment, like a rabid animal on a rusty chain ready to snap.

He doesn’t know of the countless nights you spent crying into your pillow until your throat was raw, begging any and every god you could think of in the skies to let you turn back time, before you even met those damned island devils. Before you decided that they were the cause of everyone’s problems, before you decided they should be punished for their crimes. Before you set your sights on Eren fucking Jaeger and started wondering if maybe a life with him, either within or outside the Walls of Paradis, wouldn’t sound so bad.

“I’ve been prepared to die for years, Eren. Kill me or leave me be. Go on, run the risk of letting me escape; you know damn well I can get out of here on my own. You wouldn’t endanger your fellow Scouts like that, now would you?”

His green eyes flash, and that sickening swirl of guilt returns to your stomach. Your blood begins to boil, the Titan lying dormant beneath your skin thrumming with anticipation.

“So make your decision, Jaeger—because if you don’t, I’ll make it for you.”

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