#miriams dumpster

[oliverreedmasterass]

Synopsis: The members of Greta Van Fleet agree to do an interview with the Human Napkin himself, Nardwuar, and find themselves ridiculously unprepared for his interview style.

Words: 2k

Warnings: language, some sexual innuendos (kinda?), mentions of stalking, the void™️

Notes: Shoutout to @skywaydrifter for the amazing fic idea, and sending me down a wild Nardwuar binge-fest

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Nardwuar theme plays with the animated intro video. The shot opens to show NARDWUAR standing in front of an impressive display of vinyl records, next to JOSH KISZKA. 

NARDWUAR: How are you?

Nardwuar shoves his microphone into Josh’s face. Josh flinches back a bit, but then leans into the microphone.

JOSH: Absolutely groovy. 

NARDWUAR: Tell me who you are. 

JOSH: That’s a bit of a loaded question. I’m a dreamer, a mere mortal, a man with a dream…

NARDWUAR: Your name. 

JOSH: Oh. Josh Kiszka. Frontman for the group, Greta Van Fleet. 

Josh curtsies to the camera.

NARDWUAR: Welcome to Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. And right off the bat, I have a gift for ya.   

JOSH puts a hand over his heart and looks at the camera in shock.

JOSH: Now I feel bad, I didn’t bring you anything. 

NARDWUAR (continued): I’ve got this 1966 album, All About Miriam. 

JOSH: (taking the album and cradling it in his arms) Oh my goodness.

NARDWUAR: I heard that you’re a fan. 

JOSH: Miriam Makeba? Oh yeah, she’s one of my favorites. My parents had a few of her albums that they would play all the time when I was younger. She’s got such a rich voice, I can only dream of sounding like that. 

NARDWUAR: But you do have a pretty distinct voice that I’m sure a lot of people are jealous of. How did you find that sound? 

JOSH: I started screaming and then I guess I kind of found my way, eventually. (chuckles) No, but actually, my vocal coach, Ron, I call him “The Master” because he genuinely saved my vocal cords. I wouldn’t be where I am today without him. 

NARDWUAR: How do you do it? Is it special vocal warmups? Some kind of mystery technique? 

JOSH: Well, you see, if I told you, I’d have to kill you. 

NARDWUAR: I’ve got another gift for you here, Josh. 

JOSH: Oh god, now I feel super bad. 

NARDWUAR: Costumes are a big part of your stage presence. Here, I’ve got a piece that might look familiar to you. 

Nardwuar holds out Josh’s infamous golden pants, and Josh reluctantly takes them.

JOSH: Oh boy, I forgot how shiny and see through these were. 

NARDWUAR: You wore these in the sweltering sun on the iHeart Radio festival stage in Las Vegas, Nevada on Saturday, September 22, 2018, didn’t you? 

JOSH: I’m not sure if these are the exact pair…

NARDWUAR: They are. 

JOSH: Huh? Did you dig them out of the dumpster or something? 

NARDWUAR: Now, Josh, can you tell me about Sean Reyes?

Josh looks at Nardwuar with intense skepticism.

JAKE: (offscreen) What the fuck? 

JOSH: Now how do you know about Sean Reyes? 

NARDWUAR: It’s Josh Kiszka trivia!

Josh squints at Nardwuar, uncertain.

JOSH: Sean Reyes was my third grade teacher. 

NARDWUAR: And he was the one who encouraged you to write poetry, right? 

JOSH: Yes…..

NARDWUAR: Like haikus? 

JOSH: Mr. Reyes would play a lot of folk stuff for us, like John Denver, Joni Mitchell, all the classics, and he could tell I really dug it. He pulled me aside after class, showed me some of his favorite lyrics, and explained how it was a form of poetry. I took that to heart and spent a lot of time outside of class writing poems after that.

NARDWUAR: Were they any good? 

JOSH: Well, some lines ended up in our songs, so you tell me. 

NARDWUAR: Well, I heard your twin brother behind the camera just now. Let’s bring him out here. Come here, Jake! 

JAKE joins Josh’s side in front of the camera, looking nervous. He’s wringing his hands, avoiding eye contact with Nardwuar.

NARDWUAR: Hello, Jake. 

JAKE: (short) Hi. 

NARDWUAR: I have a gift for you. 

JAKE: Uh, okay. 

NARDWUAR: It’s a poster from H.O.R.D.E. Festival at Deer Creek Music Center in Noblesville, Indiana featuring big names like Blues Traveler, The Black Crowes, and Taj Mahal from 1995. Something important happened at this festival, right? 

Jake pales.

JAKE: Uh. Uh. 

Josh is staring pretty hard at Nardwuar.

JAKE: (to Josh) There’s no way he knows about that. How could he know about that? 

Nardwuar sneaks the microphone closer into Jake’s mouth. 

NARDWUAR: Well? 

JAKE: Okay, uh, they might kill me for admitting this on camera, but my parents are pretty sure that’s where Josh and I were conceived. 

NARDWUAR: Do you like Taj Mahal? 

Jake struggles to rebound from that 180. 

JAKE: Um (beat) yeah. I’d list him as a big influence. 

NARDWUAR: And another gift for Jake Kiszka! 

JAKE: (whispering to Josh) This guy freaks me out. 

NARDWUAR: Here you go! 

Nardwuar tosses Jake a ziploc bag containing something brown. Jake’s reflexes get the better of him and he grabs the bag out of the air, and then blankly studies what’s in his hands. 

JAKE: What the actual fuck. 

NARDWUAR: Tell me what you’re holding there! 

JAKE: Hair. It’s my hair. 

JOSH: What??

JAKE: I’m not even joking. This is what they chopped off, like, last year before our second leg of the Dreams in Gold Tour. 

JOSH: (growing defensive of his brother) Where did you get that from?

NARDWUAR: What was the reason for the big chop? 

JAKE: I could have sworn my hairdresser said she was going to donate that. 

NARDWUAR: Oh, she did. 

JAKE: I’m sorry, what? 

SAM bounds into the scene in front of the camera, looking energetic. 

SAM: This is fun! Do me now! 

NARDWUAR: Sam Kiszka! Alright, Jake. Thanks and doot doola doot doo…

JAKE: Huh? 

NARDWUAR: (finishing for Jake) Doo doo! (turns to Sam) I have a question for you. 

Sam is hopping from foot to foot and clapping his hands with glee while Jake confusedly wanders off camera.

SAM: Fire away! 

NARDWUAR: Your aunt works at State Farm in Chicago. 

DANNY: (offscreen) That’s not a question. 

JOSH: How could you possibly know that? 

NARDWUAR: Have you ever had to file a claim with her? 

SAM: Well, actually one time…

JOSH: Ssh! Don’t tell him anything. 

NARDWUAR: (entirely unbothered) I have a gift you might like, Sam! 

SAM: Oh my god! You guys aren’t gonna believe this. It’s my birth certificate! 

JOSH: What kind of interviewer are you?? 

NARDWUAR: I’m just a fan, guys, just a fan. I love your music! 

Sam’s phone rings. 

SAM: Whoops, sorry. I know this is unprofessional but, one sec. I gotta take this. 

Instead of going off camera to answer the phone in private like a normal person, Sam answers the phone and puts it on speaker. 

SAM (continued): Y’ello? 

KAREN: (obviously shaken) Sam? 

SAM: Hey Mom, what’s up? 

KAREN: Are you boys alright? 

Josh grabs the phone from Sam. 

JOSH: Mom? What’s going on? 

KAREN: Someone broke into our house while your dad and I were on our trip. We’re worried it might have been a stalker since they took a lot of your possessions and some important documents. 

JOSH: Oh my god, are you okay? 

KAREN: Fine, just a bit shaken up. But, I’m so sorry, they stole Sammy’s birth certificate. 

Sam calls into the phone over Josh’s shoulder.

SAM: Don’t worry about it, Mom! I just got it gifted back to me! 

Josh hands Sam his phone and rushes away. 

JOSH: (screaming offscreen) RICHARD! WE NEED BACKUP!

KAREN: I’m gonna have to call my sister to file a claim. They broke a crazy amount of our windows. Like, way more than they needed to. What a headache.

DANNY: (to Nardwuar) You have a lot of explaining to do. 

NARDWUAR: I’ve got a gift for you, Daniel! 

Nardwuar pulls out a pack of old Beatles cards. 

DANNY: I don’t want it. 

NARDWUAR: It’s a pack of 1964 Beatles collector’s cards, in mint condition! 

DANNY: Wait, I do want it. 

Danny takes the cards from Nardwuar and looks at them with delight. 

NARDWUAR: You’re a big fan of the Beatles, right? 

DANNY: Oh yeah, I always have been.

JAKE: You’re not seriously continuing this interview. 

DANNY: (while opening and flipping through the pack of cards) I mean, this is a pretty cool gift. 

JAKE: (evidently at his wit’s end) This guy 100% broke into my family’s house, and he for sure did the same to your parents. 

NARDWUAR: Would you say there was a specific Beatles album that most inspired you? 

DANNY: Definitely Rubber Soul. I loved hearing them try folk. 

Jake throws up his hands in exasperation. 

DANNY: Norwegian Wood genuinely changed my life. 

NARDWUAR: In what way? 

JAKE: Nope, we’re not doing this anymore. 

Jake thrusts his finger up into Nardwuar’s face. 

JAKE (continued): What else did you take from us, you son of a bitch? 

NARDWUAR: Does it count as “taking” if I give it back to you? 

JAKE: Yes! 

NARDWUAR: I’d beg to differ. 

DANNY: (looking through his cards) Woah! I’ve never seen this photo of Ringo Starr before! 

Josh comes rushing back to the scene with their bodyguard and pal, RICHARD. 

RICHARD: (scanning around on full alert) Where is he? 

JOSH: (shrill, pointing at Nardwuar) There! 

Nardwuar simply grins at Richard. 

NARDWUAR: Can you tell me about Grubbyknot? 

Richard is obviously thrown off, and he lets down his guard. 

RICHARD: Huh? Grubbyknot? That was my metal band in high school. But we only played like two shows. One was in my parent’s garage. 

JOSH: Don’t let him get into your head, Richard! You’re our big guns, we can’t lose you! 

SAM: Do you have another gift for me, Nardwuar? 

Nardwuar stares at Sam, entirely expressionless. 

NARDWUAR: No, I don’t. Doot doola doot doo…

SAM: Doo-doo? 

Upon Sam’s words, he vanishes into thin air. Jake is so terrified, he falls to the ground and cowers on the floor. 

JAKE: Jesus Christ! 

NARDWUAR: I usually like to speak with only 1-2 people at a time on camera. It’s getting a little bit too crowded for me right now. 

Nardwuar looks at Danny, whose attention is finally away from his cards, and is gawking at the empty space where Sam was just standing. 

NARDWUAR: (continued, making eye contact with Danny) Doot doola doot doo…

Danny stares back at Nardwuar in horror, his mouth sealed shut. Nardwuar sings the little tune again, holding his microphone up to Danny to finish it. 

JAKE: (cutting in) Doo doo! (beat) Fuck! 

Jake disappears. 

JOSH: (explaining to Richard and Danny) He has this condition where he can’t handle hearing an unfinished tune. Poor guy has a curse.

NARDWUAR: Just one more to go. 

Nardwuar focuses his attention back to Danny. 

DANNY: Where did you send them? 

NARDWUAR: To another place. 

DANNY: Super helpful, thanks. 

NARDWUAR: Don’t mention it. 

DANNY: Are they still alive? 

NARDWUAR: I can’t see why not. I’m a fan! I wouldn’t hurt you guys. 

Danny sighs. 

DANNY: Okay. Send me away so I can do some damage control. 

RICHARD: No! 

NARDWUAR: Doot doola doot doo…

DANNY: (unenthused, clapping his hands on the beat) Doo doo.

Danny is gone. 

RICHARD: My boss is gonna kill me. 

JOSH: I’m pretty sure I’m your boss. 

Richard widens his eyes and holds his hands up in a defensive position, backing slowly away from Josh. 

JOSH (continued): Oh, come on. I’m not gonna hurt you, Richard. 

RICHARD: You did dump an entire bag of flour over my head that one time. And kicked that giant chocolate bar in my hands. And swung a folding chair at me backstage. 

JOSH: All tiny, insignificant hiccups.

NARDWUAR: Josh, you’re gonna love this next thing that I’ve got for you. 

JOSH: Please, no. 

Nardwuar hands Josh a Scooby Doo plushie. 

NARDWUAR: Tell me what that is. 

Josh studies the stuffed animal, trying to discern how it has any relevance to him. 

JOSH: Scooby Doo? 

NARDUWAR: What was that second word?

JOSH: Doo?

NARDWUAR: Wait. Say it again? (under his breath) Doot doola doot doo…

JOSH: Doo? 

Nardwuar taps on his ear, signaling that he didn’t hear Josh. Josh huffs and rolls his eyes. 

JOSH (continued, enunciating maybe a little bit too much): Doo! 

Josh disappears. 

NARDWUAR: Well, this has been fun. Keep on rockin’ in the free world and doot doola doot doo…

It’s silent around him since there’s no one there to finish his jingle. Nardwuar continues to grin wider and wider until he’s nearing uncomfortably close to uncanny valley. 

The scene shifts to a confusing plane seemingly everywhere and nowhere at once. A pattern reminiscent of Nardwuar’s red and green plaid Tammy cap stretches from the floor to the sky. Josh and Richard appear in the mysterious space, Josh screaming with terror. 

JAKE: Hey. 

DANNY: Nice of you to join us. 

It takes a while for Josh to collect himself but, when he does, he notices Jake and Danny standing in front of him. 

JOSH: Where’s Sammy? 

DANNY: He went to take a piss. 

RICHARD: Hey, wait, I didn’t say the doo doo thing. Why am I here? 

Josh shrugs. 

JOSH: We must be a package deal or something. 

RICHARD: That’s wildly unfair. 

SAM: (off in the distance) Woah, I had a lot more in my bladder than I thought. I wouldn’t come over here if I were you, guys. I can cross “building a manmade lake” off my bucket list.

JAKE: God, I need to get out of here. 

DANNY: And how are we gonna do that, Jake? 

Jake has no clue. He’s frankly dumbfounded. 

The scene jumps back to Nardwuar, still in front of the records. He seems unaware that the camera is still rolling. 

NARDWUAR: (to someone offscreen) Yeah, yeah. They should be gone for good. Yup. The plaid void, where I sent Dave Rowntree. We should be good to steal their identities now. God knows we’ve done enough research. 

Back in the plaid void. 

DANNY: Holy shit, is that Dave Rowntree?

RICHARD: The guy from Blur? 

DAVE ROWNTREE: CURSE YE FOUL BEAST, NARDWUAR! 

Fin.  

Note: The names/facts listed in the interview within this fic are all entirely fictitious. I'm not about to start leaking private and personal information about the guys.

[rags-roleplay-blog]

Starting Idea for: Miriam

Requested character: Loki (Marvel)

———————————————————————

Run. Run, run, run, run, RUN, RUN!!!

Miriam had spent too much time in this universe. It was time for her to escape to another one. She shouldn’t have let her guard down. She shouldn’t have been so careless. Now the cops were after her and she had to LEAVE. NOW.

The police chased her down the street, cornering her in an alley. The dumpsters wouldn’t be enough cover.

Miriam took some deep breaths before holding out her hands and making a gesture, as if she was framing the brick wall with her hands. She moved her hands further apart and the air warped. A portal opened to save her once again. The fugitive jumped through the portal and immediately closed it. Once on the other side, she was about to sit down to catch her breath, when… She noticed where she was.

Some frozen wasteland. She was screwed.

[bavrenilia]

400 followers event?? jk unless 😐

[i-justreally-like-cats-okay]

this is miriam. i found her in a dumpster four years ago and yes she’s perfect.

a cutie

[xenosaurus]

What Isaac does to help his teammates in the new timeline, with bonus Austin:

Austin— bought him a bike lock

Miriam— saved Austin (unintentional, original plan was to hand her a stack of cash when she was homeless but her parents survived so that never happened)

Finian— saved Austin (he also called his middle school about the dead raccoon behind the dumpsters but he didn’t really need to)

Lee— called child protective services about his parents (also, saving Austin helped)

Mary Jane— paid someone 50 bucks to slash her mom’s tires on the day she was going to die in a car accident

That’s 4/5 Austin-relevant rescues. Way to go on that bike lock, buddy.

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

If you’ve seen turning red then Mei!!! If not then Luz !!

I have I saw it this morning!!!

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: oh god huge relate ofc w differences but god i feel her

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: shes like 13 so nah im good asdfgfds

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: HER AND HER FRIENDDDDSSS OMG

My unpopular opinion about this character: prefer her dark hair tho i did think it was fun for her to have the red hair for a bit but overall dark hair mei all the way

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: hoping I'll see a post later talking about it to better explain but i kinda wish that she and her mom had more of a heart to heart about how much her parents expect of her and how it makes her life a little difficult (like not getting to hang with friends ever). again i mightve missed something it was too close to when i start to get tired during the day asdfgfd. Or maybe it was like encanto where there was a time skip so you didnt get to see Abuela talking with the family and i just missed the turning red time skip thing...?

Favorite friendship for this character: i loved her and Miriams friendship the best outta all the girls

My crossover ship: i'm good asdfggf

Also gonna do Luz bc why not asdasdfg

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: Looove her

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Amity for sure

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: Her and Eda! Love the mother and daughter thing they have going on.

My unpopular opinion about this character: hm dont think i have one...?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: idk how to explain it but i want an ep where the roles are reversed and she's a witch who meets a weird dumpster-diving lady with a weird dog. not like the switcharoo ep like more of a parallel universe thing. just wanna see how it plays out

Favorite friendship for this character: Her and King are so sweet and ofc her and Gus and Willow are sweet too

My crossover ship: cant really think of any tbh ^^;;

Thanks for the ask, Sol~!

[opalsiren]

can you elaborate on h2o being xenophobic and racist? i don't disagree but would like to see your working

sure! i will preface this by offering that, of the two makoverse texts, mako mermaids is actually more evidently racist. a covert type of racism and xenophobia underpins h2o that may not be immediately evident unless you are looking for it

let’s start with season one. there are two named characters of colour with speaking roles, wilfred and tiffany. the manager of the juicenet café, wilfred is a supporting character in season one and is mostly there to propel the character development of, and drama which befalls, our white mains. he is put on a bus after the halfway point on season two and is replaced by ash, a white teenage boy who is made the manager (??) of the juicenet (???)

the other named character of colour in season one, tiffany, is a supporting character and mean girl miriam’s sidekick. again her main role is to help further the development of white characters. she is more of an accessory to miriam than an actual character in her own right, and later is used to drive the drama between cleo and lewis, upon whom she seems to have a crush. here i will refer to the black girl best friend trope and also the duvernay test, as tiffany is not afforded a fully realised life outside of her function in white stories. tiffany is also ejected from the show after she fulfils her role in season one

i’m not sure that there’s much to comment on with season two, apart from the flagrant lack of attempt to write any non-white characters after wilfred’s anticlimactic departure. emma has a colleague at the café, amber, who is ethnically ambiguous, speaks a few lines, and appears a total of three times. her ‘role’ or lack thereof in the story speaks for itself. laurie is a marine biologist at the marine park who also suffers from lack of screentime nor development. the only other attempt at representing a culture outside of ‘white’ and ‘australian’ takes place in 2x24 ‘fire and ice,’ where nate tries to teach karate to lewis. a scene in which two white characters attempt martial arts moves and shriek at each other is played for laughs as a generic ‘eastern’ musical motif sounds. again, my discomfort surrounding this speaks for itself

and then we get to season three. i have only sat through this dumpster fire season a few times, but if i recall correctly all of the new characters to whom we are introduced—bella, sophie, will, sam, ryan—are white. in the past i have also commented on season three’s treatment of irish culture and identity, but the tl;dr is that its fixation on the magical folklore elements of irish culture is bound up in colonialism and xenophobia. again laurie features in an episode or two but is not afforded the same screentime, development, nor care of that of h2o’s white characters. frankly season three does not contain enough substance to warrant further comment

the characters of colour which feature in h2o are periphery at best, with non-white and non-australian cultures poorly represented. let us reflect on the 2016 census which states that more than 75% of australians identified with ancestry other than australian. one would hope that that television could be less racist and xenophobic by the 21st century, but given that the writers’ room is comprised of three white men, who could be surprised?

[wickedsrest-rp-archive]

Welcome to this week’s roundup! We do these every week to provide plot drops, highlight starters posted that week, and share other information about the setting. Anyone is welcome to use these bullet points in starters, plots, anons etc. Also let us know if you want us to include one of your setting-related plots in here for next week by sending us a bullet point!

What’s new in town?:

Many of the residents in the East End have had some sort of strange rodent infestation. These little boogers have been causing all manner of mischief, and the hospital has seen more than just a missing toe or two in the ER this past week.

The Dixie Pig is running a lunch special on Mondays and Wednesdays. Pulled pork plate lunches come in sizes of small, medium, and long.

Somebody’s weird fuckin’ dog’s loose out near Overlook Drive-In. It don’t bite, but... it sure is weird looking. Like a Shar Pei or something.

Anyone who stumbles across White Crest’s funky little toll bridge in the next few days will find that it’s closed. There’s no getting across it. Arguing from really large (and one pretty small) folks can be heard from under it. One of them seems to be crying. I don’t know what to tell you. The boys are going through it.

Alan Daniels went missing on Scorch Street last Tuesday, and his body was found singed in a dumpster by Friday, barely recognizable. Most oddly is that it appears that he wasn’t burned to death; it looked like his body was dragged by some unknown force.

Starters:

Sai is looking for a strange, milk-loving lady to return some goods that were left at his store to. Please help him find her!

Metzli wants to know what makes a performance art piece too performative.

What up, this is Jared, he’s older than 19, it’s debatable if he learned how to read, but he is looking for a job.

Eilidh is looking for a tree. A special tree. A very treelike tree.

Lucien doesn’t think that a hot dog is a sandwich. Do you agree or disagree?

Miriam’s got a superiority complex. Against people who wear socks with sandals.

Bly’s looking for some interview candidates for some inspirational stories <3 We just know this town’s full of inspiration stories, right?

[heartvess]

look at this whole character study, courtesy of @glitchedmuses​:

glitchedmuses asked: 1, 4, 9, 12, 16, 18, 28, 29, 37, 49 (oop)

1.  does your muse like her name? has she ever thought of changing it/goes by a nickname?

she isn’t the biggest fan of her given name. mostly because it’s so long. from what she understands, her dad wanted to call her dena marie, which he does, but her mother didn’t like just dena. she tends to change her name when she gets married by shortening it, or she goes by nicknames. her nicknames include:

dena, maddie, dee, mads, or any variation of the sort.

4.  has your muse ever struggled with their relationship to womanhood and femininity?

yes and no. it depends on who raises her for the most part. it’s very rare she’s raised by her biological parents, and because she is a girl, she’s had to deal with the fact that when she is taken from her father, it’s because he doesn’t have room or the means for a little girl. it’s led to some resentment for not being a boy, full on crisis on her part when she is left to her own devices, and more often than not, she doesn’t deal well with her gender, femininity, and being a woman in general due to the fact it’s very rare for her to have a mom to guide her through those struggles. it’s easier for her as an adult and copious amounts of therapy teaching her that womanhood and feeling feminine isn’t wrong. that coupled with miriam steinman who taught her that she could be a woman and still be one of the boys (since that’s all her dad has).

now, she’s very feminine and very much in tune with her woman side. there’s nothing anyone can do to take it from her.

9.  how is her relationship with her father?

this depends on the father you’re talking about and the father in question. 

john; it’s very complicated. in no verse was she born in america and constantly in contact with him. she loves her father, but she knows she isn’t dean, or sam, or adam, or henry. she’s always been an independent person, and she doesn’t ask for help if she can get away with it. she loves him, but she doesn’t entirely trust that his people permanence is all that great. she’s more like him than she’s willing to admit, too. so, they butt heads a lot.

sander; is probably her favorite person on earth, and she will kill/be killed for him. if she isn’t with john, she’s with sander, so he provided the security she didn’t get from her father. she knows she isn’t actually his, but she wouldn’t be half of the woman she is now without him and his jewish dad guilt.

12. does she tend to surround herself with women or men more?  is there a particular reason for one or the other?

she tends to avoid as many people as possible. it started as a language barrier and seeming much older than she was. if there is a large host of people in her life, it’s pretty evenly mixed. it depends on who is raising her and her daily life in childhood. if she’s raised by john, it’s mostly the people she’s met in school. if sander raises her, it’s the whole neighborhood of kids. all of those friendships are the ones she has in adulthood. mostly josh steinman. that’s her bestie.

16. if your muse is queer in any way, talk about how that impacts their view on womanhood?

mm, yes. dena is a bisexual dumpster fire, and we love her so much. so, in terms of womanhood, it’s helped the identity crisis, but it’s given her an appreciation of femininity. for a girl who can hear or see something once and repeat it verbatim, she knows she lacks the confidence that most of her partners of the female variety have and there’s a hint of envy behind it. nothing that would define her on a personality level. she will forever question her own womanhood due to trauma. nothing really changes that.

18. was she raised in a progressive or sexist household? was it more neutral?

if she’s with either of her fathers, progressive. neither said she couldn’t do something because she was a girl, and neither used her gender as a means to put her down. 

if she’s with her grandfather, very sexist. gerald believed women should be seen and not heard, that a woman’s place was in the kitchen, etc. he isn’t a good man and most of her trauma comes from him. it’s fine.

28. is there a female figure from history, or current times, she looks up to?

again, it’s going to depend on the verse, but if you ask her, she’s going to tell you miriam steinman. why? because that’s the closest thing to a mama she has. you can take that gift to earth from her cold, dead hands. 

29. does she prefer to be perceived as cute or sexy? does she not want to be viewed on an attraction basis at all?

it depends on who is doing the perceiving. she hates being called cute. by anyone. ever. but if she’s built a relationship on her body, she’s going to use it entirely. if she hasn’t, she would rather not be viewed at all? she likes to blend in and disappear whenever possible. being the cute or sexy one in town doesn’t do anything for that skill she has. 

37. how do they view motherhood?

motherhood terrifies her. she’s a mother in most verses, but she’s also french. so, from an american sense, it probably seems like she doesn’t take as much active involvement with her kids. it isn’t true, she knows she’s raising little humans and they need to be independent, but she has no clue what she’s doing on the daily. most of her kids: frankie, simon, rj, vera etc. are NOT planned, and she has no sense of surety, even if the father/her have been together for years. she thinks the best mothers are the ones who can say they listened to their child, they gave them everything they need, and if she can swing a want, she will. but no. motherhood terrifies her. leave her alone. it’s also the one thing she feels she’s ever done right in her life. 

49.  if your muse dates men, what is their process of vetting them?  do they have a checklist of things to look for to decide whether or not they’re safe?  any kind of tests or questions they use to make a judgement.

there’s a process? this is about to get real questionable. dena has a habit, if the relationship isn’t one from youth, to date dangerous, older men. a cannibal? did that. loves him. a drug dealer? hot. yes. a demon? spicy. the only judgement she uses is how well they can rail her into next week. that’s it. sex is the test. why? because her grandfather lowkey traumatized her into believing laying on her back is all she’ll ever be good at. that or she’s already in sex work. she has no plan. she decides on a whim. if they tried the woo-ing thing, she’d think they were insane.

[ottobooty]

15-20 for miri!

do they know how to drive? do they like to drive?

Miri knows how to drive! Parallel parking is the bane of her existance, and she always worries she's going to bump into the cars around her, but she can drive. She doesn't....LIKE to drive, she doesn't NOT like it either, more neutral on it than anything.

do they prefer taxis / buses / subways, etc? or none of the above?

None of the above, unless she absolutely has to. She absolutely HATES the city bus, mostly because once she got her car in college, she vowed never to be forced to rely on the bus ever again.

do they have pets? what kind? dogs, cats, etc?

She ends up owning one No-Braincell black cat she found scavenging around a dumpster as a kitten. His name is Gizmo, and there's nothing going on in his head except love and affection.

do they prefer cats or dogs? or neither?

Miriam loves both cats and, while a little wary around dogs due to bad experiences with them as a child, loves dogs just as much.

what are their phobias? do they have any at all?

thalassophobia (fear of deep/opened water) and slight astraphobia (Fear of lightning).

what do they hate being teased about? are they teased often?

Height. She's heard it all; Midget, squirt, tiny, hobbit, ect. She's teased rather often about her height too, much to her dismay.

[into-the-daniverse]

For the spooky asks for all your MCs: The conjuring 🎃 love from Misery 💞

Thank you @miserytheapprentice!!! 🥰

The Conjuring - what would your OC do if they moved into a house haunted by a ghost or demon?

Alec — Very much not happy about it, but if she paid a lot for the house, she’s not going anywhere. Definitely tries to reason with it, but if it gets violent she’s packing her bags and probably pouring gasoline behind her.

Jamil — He’s lucky, and also stupid, so it’s not going to be a problem for him. He doesn’t even realized he’s haunted until someone comes over and comments on how the lights flicker or the fact that his stuff keeps flying around. “That’s not just the wind?”

Camia — The fact that she didn’t catch it before she moved in would piss her off, since she’s usually pretty tuned in to supernatural stuff, but she wouldn’t be too alarmed, probably try and help it move on or come to some kind of peaceful coexistence.

Leon — Well, it’s not like he could see the ghost/demon anyway, so most of the visual scares it relies on don’t work. As long as it doesn’t mess with his stuff, he couldn’t care less. The day he notices one of his favorite mugs is broken/missing, however, is the day he declares war. Either the ghost/demon is leaving or he is burning the house down, no in between.

Miriam — Like Jamil, it takes her a long time to realize she’s haunted. Stuff going missing? She’s got a shit memory anyway, probably just her fault. Sheets being pulled off her in the middle of the night? Well, she’s always been a very active sleeper. It’ll take an act of violence for her to go, oh!, and get the hell out.

Meredith — The second a door rattles or book falls to the floor she is gone. No negotiations, or further investigation needed, thank you very much and fuck right off. She’d sooner live in a dumpster.

[isagrimorie]

My sister and I are discussing the last Philippine President elections and how we were adamantly anti-Binay and we were all “Anyone but Binay” before Duterte entered scene like an unwanted sledgehammer and now we can’t believe we are actually saying now: We would have taken Binay.

Between garbage and dumpster fire, Binay would have actually been better.

(source)

I mean it’s not great with Binay’s well documented corruption (his Makati record is both negative and positive) but man, at least we wouldn’t have this.

Also the fiery Miriam Santiago would have been great, unfortunately, she had cancer during her run and passed away.

We lost someone great the day she passed. (although i am not a fan of her choice of VPs.)

[thessalian]

Thess vs Twitter Rage

I seldom check Twitter anymore, but I do every now and then. Currently, it’s going crazy because Miriam Margolyes was in an interview on Channel 4 and said that she couldn’t help wishing Boris Johnson was dead.

Of course, UK Twitter went nuts over this. Half of it is cheering her on. The other half is screaming rage at her and asking how she could possibly say such a horrible thing. Thing is, no one waits for an answer to that particular question; they see it as a rhetorical one, because no reason could possibly suffice.

I have one that suffices for me: how about, “His entire government wants her dead, and if it’s him or her, she’d probably prioritise her own survival”?

Seriously, Boris Johnson could be considered just one more in a long line of Tory assholes who have been slowly killing off or at least sorely punishing those they deem ‘unworthy’ - the elderly, the disabled, the poor. However, he’s more than that. He has been since he started getting involved in British politics. He pushed Brexit, and is now insisting that we ride that train off the cliff as soon as possible despite the current situation that’s wrecking the economy. Of course, then there’s the whole “pandemic preparedness” thing, which of course didn’t actually exist because Johnson didn’t do things like ... you know, attend COBRA meetings. His government took the line of ‘herd immunity’ when we didn’t even know how far antibody response would go. They still haven’t got enough PPE for front line workers. They lied and lied and lied, and they honestly don’t care if people die, so long as it’s not “their” people. And Johnson’s head of the queue in that regard. He doesn’t want to be Prime Minster; he wants to have been Prime Minister. He doesn’t want to do the job; he wants the power. I am going to throw a copy of Spider-Man at his head.

So is this enough to merit a death wish on the man? Well. Given the twisted electoral system in this country, and the fact that far too many people voted out of greed and jingoism in the last election, we can’t vote him out. The man constantly appears in front of Parliament looking like he literally just crawled out of a dumpster and uses “erm” and “ah” in his speeches the way I use garlic in cooking, and yet he’s the leader of the Conservative Party and we can’t make him leave. So yeah, honestly, without the entire country rising up against Johnson (which is never going to happen), death’s the only way to get the shitbird out of office before he does irreparable damage.

He might already have done irreparable damage, but I’m trying to be optimistic that we can fix at least some of this...

Anyway. Point is that yeah, Miriam Margolyes is an elderly woman who Johnson’s whole government is happy to let die. Johnson’s second-in-command literally said that “if a few pensioners die, so be it”. I don’t think it’s unfair that she cannot help but wish him dead. I don’t judge her for this. Hell, a big part of why I don’t wish Johnson dead is because I know that the alternative, his second-in-command Cummings, is worse.

People have brought up the false equivalence argument of “If the person she wished dead had been queer or black or Jewish or something, everyone’d be all up in arms”. That ... would actually depend on why. If someone wished a queer person dead because that queer person was systematically killing the most vulnerable people in the country they were in charge of? Yeah, don’t blame them there. If someone wished a queer person dead because they were queer ... then I have issues. Note the difference? One is just existing and not hurting anyone. The other is making a good head start on genocide.

Look, let’s look at it another way: if Hitler wasn’t already dead, a lot of people would wish he was dead. A lot of people did wish he was dead; we just celebrated VE Day in honour of what we as a country did about that wish. Maybe if people wish the leader of a nation dead, they should have a quick look at what that leader is doing to their nation and really actually consider why anyone might rather that leader be dead than ... you know, leading. Or failing to lead, in Johnson’s case.

I will not say this on Twitter. I’m not sticking my arm in that pirahna tank. But I will vent about it here. I don’t tend to wish people dead, for a great many reasons, but that’s just me. Some people don’t have the same ways to express their hate for someone as I do, is all. I won’t judge a 78-year-old woman who is not exactly going to be able to act on that wish (that she’s actively trying not to have, from the sound) for a lack of charity for a politician who’s happy enough to let her and people like her die for the sake of the economy.

[winxwannabe]

What We Do Ch. 31 Sneak Peek

All right SO, it’s been a hot minute since I updated What We Do because I like to procrastinate, and I moved, and my life is a dumpster fire, and I adore the people that read it. Y’all have put up with me for so long, so I figured the least I can do is give you a sneak peek of the next chapter.  So here.

And then Bloom laughs.

It’s so sudden and loud Baltor jumps, and then keeps staring at her as she desperately tries to regain control of herself.  “Are you all right?”

“I...sorry I just,” she gestures with the hand not holding the glass.  “I think the reality of the situation just sort of plowed into me.”

“Situation?”

“Yes, Baltor, situation.”  He must still look dumbfounded because Bloom shakes her head and keeps going, pointing emphatically as she speaks.  “Namely that I am sitting here in an apartment I helped steal, with you.  One of the most hated men in the dimension.  And we should be fighting in hand-to-hand combat but instead we’re drinking a pinot noir.

“Come on,” she pauses to take another drink of said pinot noir. “On some level you have to find this hilarious, too.”

He finds it ironic, maybe a little sad in some respects when he thinks about the things she could be doing if she wasn’t held back by him (which he does think about from time to time, but usually never so seriously), constantly coming back to Earth instead of furthering her education or bonding with Oritel and Miriam and Daphne.  Out loud, though, he only says: “If you’d told me that four years ago, I would’ve assumed you inhaled a hallucinogenic.” 

[veroticker]

The librarian’s vampire assistant book 4 - Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

You can buy the book on Amazon.

Summary (from Mimi Jean Pamfiloff’s website)

SHE’S MINE. BUT HAS SHE FORGOTTEN?

A crazy vampire has stolen my librarian. And if that’s not bad enough, it is my fault. Because I, too, am an ancient, deadly vampire, and it was my job to protect her. I failed.

Now, just as I have reason to hope I will get her back, the situation turns into the biggest mystery of my existence.

Apparently, this evil vampire has brainwashed her into thinking she belongs with him. I do not know how. I do not know why. But I will get to the bottom of this and win her back.

Because I am the motherf*!$%ing librarian’s vampire assistant, and she belongs to me. Or, at least she used to?

Blurb

““Michael, please come home,” Lula whimpers through the other end of my cell phone. “I’m begging you. It’s been over a year. This. Has. To. End.”

Why the hell is she telling me this? I know. I goddamned well know! I am the one who is dirty, tired, underfed, and at the end of my rope.

“I’m sorry, Lula,” I say, gazing out across the turquoise blue waters of the Marmara Sea from my suite in Istanbul, “but nothing has changed. I will never stop looking for Miriam.” I’ve traveled to the caves of Borneo, searched every oasis along the Sahara Desert, and combed through every major city, remote island, and five-star resort. I have flipped over thousands of rocks and followed hundreds of leads from vampires who’ve interacted with the legendary, ruthless, and one-lightbulb-shy-of-a-functioning-table-lamp vampire, Mr. Nice.

Wherever he’s taken my librarian, it’s somewhere off the grid. My heart sinks into my dirty leather boots. I miss Miriam more than words can say. I cannot breathe without her.

Lula sighs remorsefully. “You’re my brother, Michael— but in a non-creepy way since we aren’t actually related and did sleep together once. What I mean to say is that you mean more to me than just a best friend or sharing the same maker, which is why you give me no choice. I have to put my foot down and tell you the truth: You’re never going to find Miriam, and it’s time you face it. She’s gone.”

I turn away from the sherbet orange sunset melting into the deep blue ocean, the sound of crashing waves to my back and the cool December wind whipping through my dark unkempt hair. It is a surprise this hotel gave me a room because I look like I rolled out of a dumpster. Or clawed my way from a vegetable garden. I think they did not want to upset me. I carry an ominous vibe these days.

“Lula, she is not gone. Miriam is hidden. By a very powerful, delusional vampire. I could no more cease looking for her than I would for you if you were taken.”

“You say that, but at some point you have to accept reality and throw in the towel.”

“Never.” I am over four hundred years old, and Miriam is the only woman who’s ever managed to pierce my cold heart with love’s arrow. She made me see what life could be like if I faced my demons and let down my guard. Now that I have had a taste, I cannot go back to the hollow, emotionless vampire I once was. I need her in my life. Her, and her first-edition books. So. Many…”

(review under the cut)

Review

I doubt I’ll be able to do justice to the book in my review. I felt so strongly while reading it, and I can’t get out of it, I can’t write an objective review.

So let’s just say that, if you got attached to the characters in the previous books, especially Michael, you’re in for an adventure, and it’ll be both joyful and painful. So many things happen to them, they go from high to the very low.

Even with all that, you’ll still find the meta humor that you surely loved before. But although it isn’t the darkest book in the series, it’s still intense.

I really don’t know what more to say without giving away some plot. So... I’ll be waiting for the next book.

Quickie

Series: The librarian’s vampire assistant #4 (it’s a serial)

Hashtags: #paranormal romance #romantic suspense #vampire #surprise pregnancy

Trigger: vampire violence, drug use

Main couple: Miriam Murphy & Michael Vanderhorst

Hotness: 2/5

Romance: 5/5

+ so many strong emotions

- Michael’s journey seemed a bit too much (although necessary)

  Stalker mode

You can suscribe to Mimi Jean Pamfiloff’s newsletter on her website.

You can also follow her on Facebook.

[newstfionline]

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Survey finds young people follow news, but without much joy (AP) Young people are following the news but aren’t too happy with what they’re seeing. Broadly speaking, that’s the conclusion of a study released Wednesday showing 79% of young Americans say they get news daily. The survey of young people ages 16 to 40—the older of which are known as millennials and the younger Generation Z—was conducted by Media Insight Project, a collaboration between The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research and the American Press Institute. The report pokes holes in the idea that young people aren’t interested in news, a perception largely driven by statistics showing older audiences for television news and newspapers. An estimated 71% of this age group gets news daily from social media. About a third or more get news each day from YouTube and Instagram, and about a quarter or more from TikTok, Snapchat and Twitter. Some 40% say they get news from Facebook daily.

U.S. Life Expectancy Falls Again in ‘Historic’ Setback (NYT) The average life expectancy of Americans fell precipitously in 2020 and 2021, the sharpest two-year decline in nearly 100 years and a stark reminder of the toll exacted on the nation by the continuing coronavirus pandemic. In 2021, the average American could expect to live until the age of 76, federal health researchers reported on Wednesday. The figure represents a loss of almost three years since 2019, when Americans could expect to live, on average, nearly 79 years. While the pandemic has driven most of the decline in life expectancy, a rise in accidental deaths and drug overdoses also contributed, as did deaths from heart disease, chronic liver disease and cirrhosis, the new report found. Until now, experts have been accustomed to measuring life expectancy changes in increments of months, not years. “Even small declines in life expectancy of a tenth or two-tenths of a year mean that on a population level, a lot more people are dying prematurely than they really should be,” said Robert Anderson, chief of mortality statistics at the N.C.H.S. “This signals a huge impact on the population in terms of increased mortality,” he added.

Mexicans march to demand search for 100,000 disappeared (AP) Relatives of some of Mexico’s over 100,000 missing people marched through downtown Mexico City Tuesday to demand authorities find their sons, daughters, parents and siblings. The protesters carried photos of the disappeared hanging from their necks, and chanted “Where are they? Our Children, Where are they?” Many claimed that, rather than investigating the abductions, authorities are quick to assume that disappeared people might have been involved in illicit activities. “Frequently, there are no investigations, re-victimizations. We continually face negligence and inaction,” said Miriam Jaqueline Palmeros, whose daughter Jael Monserrat Uribe disappeared two years ago and has never been seen since. To mark the International Day of the Disappeared, family members mounted a panorama of photos of the missing, and performed prayers, rituals and songs for them. Most of the disappearances began after the start of Mexico’s drug war in 2006.

Rome and its garbage (NYT) For years now, nothing has symbolized the fall of Rome more than its garbage crisis. A trash menagerie of wild boars, violent sea gulls and rats convene to feast on the capital’s overflowing debris. Early this summer, a spate of suspicious blazes at garbage plants and scrapyards—literal dumpster fires—darkened the skies, choked the air, and raised the specter of arson and organized crime. Then, when it seemed the stench of Rome’s garbage troubles could get no worse, a dispute over building a new incinerator for the city emerged as the stated reason for a political mutiny that brought down the national unity government of Prime Minister Mario Draghi in July. Garbage, and the degradation of Rome that it symbolizes, is a force not to be taken lightly. Even in an oft-sacked city that has seen it all over the centuries, where people have more recently grown accustomed to self-immolating buses, potholes as deep as water wells and myriad other indignities, the garbage—pervasive, pungent and unrelenting—has become the true metric of Rome’s decline. Since Rome closed its sprawling Malagrotta landfill, among Europe’s largest, as an environmental disaster in 2013, trash has overwhelmed two mayors.

Gorbachev redirected course of 20th century (AP) Before Mikhail Gorbachev came along, the Soviet Union seemed an immovable superpower in perpetual antagonism to the United States. With a breathtaking series of reforms, Gorbachev changed all that—and redirected the course of the 20th century. Under Gorbachev, the Berlin Wall crumbled, thousands of political prisoners were released and millions of people who had known only communism got their first real taste of freedom. But he was unable to control the forces he unleashed—and ultimately waged a losing battle to salvage a crumbling empire. Gorbachev died Tuesday at a Moscow hospital at 91. Although little known outside Sovietologist circles before he became leader in 1985, he quickly became a dominant and charismatic figure on the world stage. The splotchy purple birthmark on his bald pate made him instantly recognizable, and his vigor stood in sharp contrast to the recent run of aged and barely articulate Kremlin leaders. His vision of remaking the Soviet Union into a more humane and flexible country had the power of the epochal. By 1990, he had won the Nobel Prize for his “leading role” in ending the Cold War and reducing nuclear tensions. But a mere year later, the country had fallen apart in his hands, and at home he was derided, despised and increasingly shunted aside as irrelevant.

E.U. to suspend visa agreement with Russia, but not ban Russian tourists (Washington Post) European Union countries have reached a political agreement to suspend a visa facilitation arrangement with Russia, making it more difficult and expensive for Russian tourists to get visas, but the move falls far short of the blanket ban some leaders are demanding. Though the 27-member bloc has already banned Russian flights from E.U. airspace and imposed sanctions on more than 1,000 people linked to the war, the question of tourism is deeply contested, underscoring an enduring divide over how to respond to Russia’s war in Ukraine. Officials noted that countries could take additional measures at a national level. Ahead of the meeting, the five E.U. countries that share land borders with Russia—Poland, Finland, Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania—said they would take action if the E.U. did not.

Ukraine lures Russian missiles with decoys of U.S. rocket system (Washington Post) Ukraine may be outgunned but in the latest sign it is not yet outfoxed, a fleet of decoys resembling advanced U.S. rocket systems has tricked Russian forces into wasting expensive long-range cruise missiles on dummy targets, according to interviews with senior U.S. and Ukrainian officials and photographs of the replicas reviewed by The Washington Post. The Ukrainian decoys are made out of wood but can be indistinguishable from an artillery battery through the lens of Russian drones, which transmit their locations to naval cruise missile carriers in the Black Sea. “When the UAVs see the battery, it’s like a VIP target,” said a senior Ukrainian official, referring to unmanned aerial vehicles encountering long-range artillery replicas. After a few weeks in the field, the decoys drew at least 10 Kalibr cruise missiles, an initial success that led Ukraine to expand the production of the replicas for broader use. The use of rocket system decoys is one of many asymmetrical tactics Ukraine’s armed forces have adopted to fight back against a bigger and better-equipped invading enemy.

A Frontline Shadow Economy: Ukrainian Units Trade Tanks and Artillery (NYT) The Ukrainian sergeant slid the captured Russian rocket launcher into the center of a small room. He was pleased. The weapon was practically brand-new. It had been built in 2020, and its thermobaric warhead was deadly against troops and armored vehicles. But the sergeant, nicknamed Zmei, had no plans to fire it at advancing Russian soldiers or at a tank trying to burst through his unit’s front line in eastern Ukraine. Instead, he was going to use it as a bargaining chip. Within the 93rd Mechanized Brigade, Zmei was not just a lowly sergeant. He was the brigade’s point man for a wartime bartering system among Ukrainian forces. Prevalent along the front line, the exchange operates like a kind of shadow economy, soldiers say, in which units acquire weapons or equipment and trade them for supplies they need urgently. Most of the bartering involves items captured from Russian troops. “Usually, the trades are done really fast,” Zmei said last week during an interview in Ukraine’s mineral-rich Donbas region, where the 93rd is now stationed. “Let’s just call it a simplification of bureaucracy.” “We have hopes for Kyiv,” said Fedir, one of the brigade’s supply sergeants and an understudy of Zmei, referring to military commanders in the capital. “But we rely on ourselves. We aren’t trying to just sit and wait like idiots until Kyiv sends us something.”

For Pakistan flood victims, waters hit swiftly and brutally (AP) Rubina Bibi was cooking food for her family in her mudbrick home in her village in northwest Pakistan when the nearby mosque blared a warning from its loudspeaker. Flood waters were coming, it announced, everyone should move to safer ground. She and her family didn’t take it seriously. There had been flooding in their village of Majooki more than a decade ago, and they hadn’t needed to flee. This time, however, it was on a different scale entirely. Days of torrential rains had sent a massive surge of water down the nearby Swat River—so powerful that on that day, last Friday, it broke through a reservoir that usually controls the river’s flow. When the water hit Majooki hours after the warning, it poured into the house where the 53-year-old Bibi lived with her two sons, a daughter-in-law and her grandchildren. One was swept away too quickly for anyone to even think of grabbing her.

Iraqis heed cleric’s plea to leave streets after clashes (AP) Armed supporters of a powerful Iraqi cleric who clashed with security forces in the capital began to withdraw from the streets Tuesday, restoring a measure of calm after a serious escalation of the nation’s political crisis. Following two days of deadly unrest that sparked fears instability might spread throughout the country and even the region, cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, 48, told his supporters to leave the government quarter where they had rallied. Within minutes, some could be seen heeding the call, dismantling their tents and walking out of the area known as the Green Zone. Iraq’s military also announced the lifting of a nationwide curfew, further raising hopes that the immediate crisis was ebbing, though the larger political crisis remained unresolved.

Taiwan forces fire at drones flying over island near China (AP) Taiwan’s military fired warning shots at drones from China flying over its outposts just off the Chinese coastline, underscoring heightened tensions and the self-ruled island’s resolve to respond to new provocations. Taiwan’s forces said that the drones returned to the nearby Chinese city of Xiamen after the shots were fired. Taiwan previously fired only flares as warnings. The incident comes amid heightened tensions after China fired missiles into the sea and sent planes and ships across the dividing line in the Taiwan Strait earlier this month. It followed angry rhetoric from Beijing over a trip to Taiwan by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the highest-ranking U.S. dignitary to visit the island in 25 years.

Tomato slush (NYT) More than 150,000 tomatoes inundated a busy California highway on Monday after the truck carrying them swerved, creating a thick red slush that baffled drivers, caused car crashes, and ground traffic to a halt. “Those tomato skins, man,” highway patrol officer Jason Tyhurst told the New York Times. “Once they hit the asphalt, it’s like walking on ice.”