#mom i know you didn't mean to guilt trip me but you kind of did

[portagas-chan]

Yours Forever and Ever : Part 2

Yandere Katakuri x Isekai Reader

Things to note: Angst, Manipulative Behavior - where Katakuri gaslights [Y/n] and guilt-trips her.

Part 3: https://www.tumblr.com/portagas-chan/750092733174169600/yours-forever-and-ever-part-3

Much to her surprise, Katakuri has been very nice to her. His behavior towards her was like a slap to her face when she compared it to the possible worst-case scenarios she had of him. It's not like she was complaining though.

"Are you bored?"

Katakuri's voice snapped her out of her daze. She was sitting on the edge of his bed and was daydreaming. Katakuri sat on what seemed like his working desk, writing something. It probably has something to do with the wedding preparations.

"Kind of?" [Y/n] tilted her head.

Katakuri looked at her before dropping his quill pen and walking towards her. The bed shifted a little when he sat beside her.

"I've been wanting to ask you something," Katakuri started. [Y/n] stared at him silently, waiting for him to continue. "How do you feel about this whole thing?"

"Which one? Being kidnapped and held as a hostage or my friend's wedding with your sister?"

"Everything," Katakuri answered.

"Sure, this whole thing was unexpected but I'm not bothered at all," She shrugged.

"And why is that?"

"Well, when you have someone like Luffy as your captain, crazy things always happen which is normal. Plus, I have faith in Luffy. I know we will always find a way out of difficult situations," Katakuri noticed how her lips curled up into a soft smile, how her eyes looked innocent and overall, a gentle expression she has on her face.

Katakuri was jealous of Luffy. He didn't like how she was so devoted to Luffy. How much she trusted him and her loyalty towards him. What does that damn straw hat has that he doesn't? What should he do to make her act the same towards him? He didn't know but one thing for sure, no matter what, he would never let go of her.

Katakuri hesitated to ask but did it anyway, "Does that mean... you will leave me?"

[Y/n] paused not knowing what to say. Katakuri had been sweet to her. He was kind and she felt grateful towards him but staying here forever? She couldn't see that happening. She didn't mind visiting him occasionally but being stuck in a place forever? Joining a crew as worse as the Big Mom pirates? Yeah, no.

Katakuri was such a sweetheart and a good friend of hers. He'd probably be happy if she accepted his offer to join his crew but that was only him and maybe Brulee too but the others? She'd probably spend the rest of her life being bullied by them whenever Katakuri wasn't around.

"[Y/n]?" Katakuri called her. She looked at him in the eyes and sighed, "Katakuri, you're a very nice person and I'm thankful for that. I honestly don't know what would have happened to me if your siblings were the ones I'd be held hostage by."

Katakuri smiled under his scarf, "It's not a problem at all."

"But I don't think I can abandon my crew for something like that," [Y/n] didn't dare to look at him in the eyes. She knew Katakuri would be upset.

"Am I not important to you?" His voice was cold and there was a hint of sadness behind it.

"You are!" She quickly denied him. "It's just.. you know, I don't know how to explain it but I will come by and visit you often," She tried to reassure him but it didn't help. Katakuri was still gloomy.

[Y/n] was met with silence. Katakuri didn't even look at her. He just stared into space not saying anything which worried her. She placed her hand on his and squeezed it lightly, "Katakuri? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay? I wish we met under different circumstances."

"I don't want that," Katakuri mumbled but [Y/n] couldn't make out what he said.

"Come again?"

Katakuri slowly took off his scarf, dropping it on the floor. He finally faced [Y/n] but this time his whole face was exposed, allowing her to see his expression.

When she saw her face, it shocked her. His mouth turned downwards, frowning. His eyebrows knitted together and his eyes reflected desperation, frustration, and sadness. [Y/n] had never seen Katakuri like this. The only time she had seen him with this kind of expression was when he was younger and Brulee got hurt.

"I don't want that, [Y/n]!" He hugged her. "Please don't leave me."

[Y/n] didn't know what to say. Why was Katakuri acting like this? She couldn't think of any other reason but one. He liked her but why? They haven't known each other for long. Was it love at first sight? No, that was absurd and out of character for him.

[Y/n] remembered something and wanted to make sure what she thought was right. She pushed Katakuri away and looked at him.

"Why did you take off your scarf?"

Katakuri was taken aback by her sudden question.

"You never took it off so I assume that it's your biggest insecurity," She continued. "So, why?"

Katakuri sighed, "Because I trusted you. I had a feeling you wouldn't judge me." Well, he wasn't wrong but he literally killed people if they saw him like this even if it was unintentional, and yet here he was, taking it off and showing his weakness to her willingly.

So, she was right. Katakuri liked her but what about her? She didn't know how to feel about this. She knew about Katakuri but never got to know him personally.

"Or am I wrong? Do you hate me now because I look like this?" Katakuri said which made her stare at him in disbelief. "What? No! Are you kidding me?"

Katakuri smiled, tucking her hair behind her ear, "Then, I don't see the problem here."

[Y/n] avoided his eyes and sighed, "No, you are not getting it, Katakuri. I can't just abandon my crew. I have friends out there and I can't leave them like-"

Katakuri cut her off with a groan, "It's always about your crew. What about me? Do you not care about me? Then all those words you said were just words that meant nothing. You're lying to me, [Y/n]."

"No, Katakuri, that's not what I meant," But she was cut off by the knocks from a servant.

"Katakuri-sama? Mama would like to see you," He said before leaving.

"It's okay, you can stop pretending to care. It hurts more if you act like you care. I would prefer if you didn't and just be honest with me," Katakuri said as he got up from the bed and put on his scarf.

He started to walk away but [Y/n] immediately followed him.

"Wait, no! You've got it all wrong!" She grabbed his arm to stop him but Katakuri shook it off. With his strength, [Y/n] fell onto the ground and yelped in pain.

Katakuri looked at her and for a moment, he felt bad for hurting her. It wasn't his intention to hurt her and never will he hurt her. He walked back to her and crouched down.

He took her wrists in his hand and destroyed those cuffs. [Y/n] closed her eyes waiting for the explosion but it never came. She opened her eyes and was met with Katakuri's cold ones.

"It was just a fake to scare you off."

[Y/n] looked at her now free hands and looked back at Katakuri.

"You're free now. You can run back to your crew that you love so much and leave me behind," Katakuri said making her feel a pang of guilt.

[Y/n] didn't move an inch. She stayed in the same position.

"What's stopping you, [Y/n]? I don't matter to you and nothing is holding you back so what's stopping you?" Katakuri repeated before standing up and turning around to leave.

"Katakuri! There's been a misunderstanding. Please, hear me out!" [Y/n] pleaded but Katakuri ignored her pleas slamming the door in her face.

"Katakuri..." [Y/n] whispered sadly.

[Y/n] felt guilty. Had she gone too far with rejecting him? But it was all too sudden for her and she didn't know what to do. She didn't know Katakuri was feeling like that.

She felt like crap. She felt like a horrible person. She didn't want to leave her crew. She had stayed with them for a long time and grew fond of them but she didn't want to leave Katakuri too. Especially, now that she knows he felt hurt and betrayed by her.

[Y/n] didn't know what was the right decision to make.

Should she stay?

[beanghostprincess]

it wouldn't surprise me that, despite sanji being the literal cook of the crew, he had an eating disorder (ofc trigger warning here for eds, child abuse, starvation and, y'know, sanji's background in general).

he experienced the most traumatic years of his life trapped inside a fucking cell, with a metal helmet around his head and only eating when his father let him. which was 'only when the kid needs it', probably. which leads to judge saying 'i couldn't even kill my son' and it can translate to 'at least i kept you alive'. and not to turn this into irl trauma, but abusive parents constantly use the 'keeping you alive and giving you food' excuse (the bare fucking minimum) to guilt trip you into thinking that they're good and that you're exaggerating how bad they treated you because, well, at least they kept you alive, didn't they?

so here, sanji sees food as a form of loving but in the sense of 'at least my dad didn't kill me. that's something'. so his vision towards food remains positive but only because of his mom. only because his love language is acts of service and his mom took everything he gave her, even if it was horrific, as a way of saying 'i love all of you. you're perfect because you tried and the fact that you brought me your food is enough to make me feel loved. you're not a mistake' despite his brothers and his father saying that he was, indeed, a mistake and weak for wanting to give food to others instead of just taking it for himself.

both ideas of 'someone who loves you wouldn't let you starve' and 'offering food to others is opening up your heart' coexist inside little sanji's brain.

so it wouldn't be crazy to think that, although sanji loves cooking and his best early memories of it are that book that kept him dreaming while he was locked up, and his mom's words, has a hard time eating food.

besides, sanji is used to giving, not taking. he's not selfish, but actually extremely generous to the point of forgetting about his own well-being. i don't think he actually thinks about how hungry he is until it hurts. until he needs it. he only ate whenever his father let him so he wouldn't starve, and the only thing that made him feel well about food was the fact that he could give it to the one he loved and needed it.

sanji doesn't have good experiences eating food, but only cooking it. it's a great representation of his personality as a whole, to be honest.

then the whole zeff thing happens, and he actually almost starves to death and learns what hunger feels like. but once again, zeff saves him and he's the one to be hungry for not letting the kid starve. which might seem similar to what judge did, but 'not letting you starve because i couldn't kill you' isn't the same as 'not letting you starve because i don't want you to die'. sanji learns the difference that day.

he didn't know somebody could be that kind. especially to him, someone who doesn't deserve it (he thinks he doesn't) because, in his house, love only came when you earned it.

and, you know, sanji's like that. sanji's selfless. sanji does everything for others. and so the guilt eats him up first. what zeff did is beautiful and amazing and we love him for it, but we don't know about how that affected sanji at a young age. which only makes him even more selfless and more of a better, kinder, generous person. and that might be bad, considering how little he thinks about himself already-

he learns that throwing away food is awful, and that you have to be grateful for being able to eat. grateful for living. so his don't-waste-food policy is obviously a big part of his personality due to almost dying of starvation and also owing his life to his dad (zeff, the real one, of course. fuck judge).

but that can almost be dangerous because refusing to waste food leads to forcing yourself to eat only because of his concept of what food means.

and then we have luffy in wci saying the whole 'i won't eat anything that you haven't cooked' which is precious and something very beautiful to say to your cook, but that only brings sanji back to 'starving is a form of loving' and 'you can't let someone you love starve'. and no matter how much he wants to force himself to push luffy away, he gives him food because he knows his captain will keep his promise.

sanji feels guilty, once again, but he ends up fixing it.

the thing is, after everything i've said, i don't think it would be weird to think about sanji viewing food as something external. something that isn't for himself. something that he only has control over because it's for others and not for himself, and it's a concept, a form of love, and not a need. because he does not feel hungry. when it comes to food, he feels responsibility and guilt and love... but never hunger.

hunger is, by all means, a form of selfishness sanji isn't used to unless his body is about to give up completely. he can eat out of pleasure and satisfaction and love for food, but he does it to train a selfless skill that may or may not also be selfish in the sense of 'wanting to be loved and useful'.

so here we have:

seeing food as a form of love because at least his dad wouldn't let him die, but he probably learned to push away the concept of hunger

seeing cooking as the most beautiful way of showing your feelings and efforts and taking care of people

not knowing the concept of hunger due to his own selflessness

scratch the first one, actually starving for others is a form of loving. he will never let the people he loves starve even if it means he dies in the process.

he can't waste food because that would be insulting and disrespectful. no matter the context.

and i'm just saying (and this whole thing is extremely self-indulgent and me projecting again and again) that it wouldn't be surprising to me if he had some issues when it comes to eating and making food for himself.

it's not that he thinks he doesn't deserve food, it's just the thought that he doesn't need it. going back to his past it could be seeing hunger as a form of weakness (not when it comes to others. never when it comes to others), both because of what his family taught him men should be like, and the fact that the manliest man he knows used starvation as a form of love.

so it's seeing hunger as something that makes you weak, but only when it comes to himself because of course, he wouldn't apply the same rules for him as for everyone else. he's just like that.

he thinks about others first, and himself second. always second. and the thought of eating and needing it only comes when it's too much. and when that time comes, the voices in his head tell him that he's weak. and again, i don't think he sees himself as undeserving of food because he has this whole thing about everybody deserving to eat. but he has never played with the same rules as the rest, always a few steps behind, so if he can't fight the thoughts in his head contradicting his morals, that's just how he is.

not to mention the 'don't waste food' part which also would make him feel guilty about not being able to eat if the thoughts of not deserving food and being weak for needing to eat become too much. he can't eat because he doesn't deserve it and because he's weak. and he can't starve, because that would mean wasting food.

so, you know, sanji is out of options here.

if some days sanji just casually decides not to eat- forgets to prepare himself a meal while his crew enjoys his food... that's just the way he is, isn't it? and if he lies about it, it's just another form of love, keeping them away from his problems.

besides, controlling hunger and controlling food is the only way he has to take control of his messy life. when something is out of reach, the unstoppable thing called life he has never been able to control, at least he can choose not to eat. he can choose to starve, this time, with the comfort of knowing he won't. he can choose not to eat this time, not like all of those times when food was controlling him instead.

at least the strawhats will never, ever, starve if he's around. but of course, nobody thinks about asking the cook if he wants to eat. that would be absurd. and it's impossible to think sanji would have some sort of issue with it! sanji, the cook, who keeps telling them not to waste food, not eating? that would be absurd and too selfless to make sense.

that's just the way he is.

[autistichalsin]

I got upset at my mom and came across really passive aggressive. And I didn't mean to, and I regret it. I just... she does this thing that makes me so mad

She brags all the time about how she was such a great mom. But her examples are, for some MYSTERIOUS REASON, only ever things she did for my older brother and sister. She had his friends over all the time and they called her Mom too! She drove him to football! She drove my sister to over 10 orchestra-related events a week until she got so burned out she banned us all from doing any activities that required a ride the next year!

She mysteriously never has any such stories for me.

This time she was going on and on about how she was such a great mom because when my brother was 17 he got his first job washing dishes at a restaurant and she'd drive across town at midnight every night to pick him up from work.

Meanwhile, when I was 18 and wanted to get a job, she told me I was to go to college (and she wouldn't hear any of that "I don't want student loan debt" nonsense because EVERYONE gets loans and I needed to just suck it up.) Despite her always insisting we were welcome as long as we got a job or went to school, she changed her tune for me and me only. She threatened to kick me out if I got a job. I asked if I could stay long enough to save money for my own place, and she snapped no, I couldn't use her like that. So I went to college, when I didn't want to yet, and predictably am in massive amounts of debt that it will take me most of my life to pay off. She would later go on to say she never actually meant it about kicking me out, she just wanted me to "do what I was meant to do" and needed a push to "get my life together." Because getting a job means your life isn't together, apparently.

But she gave my older brother rides from work. So she's a great mom. The best mom ever.

I got really angry when she did this yet again and kind of laughed but made it sound lighthearted. She said back something like "oh you laugh but you know I was a great mom."

So then I just said, well, when I wanted to get a job, you told me you'd kick me out if I did it.

She went quiet and gave this weird guilt trippy non-apology about how she's soooo sorry about what she did but she still feels she was a great mom, she just had some issues when she was drinking.

I feel bad for being passive aggressive about it, but I can't stand when she does this. She wants me to tell me she was a great mother because she was capable of treating her golden children well. And she wants me to judge her based on that and not how I, the scapegoat, was treated.

Like!!! She got drunk and told me she wished she could kill me. You never get to call yourself a good parent again once you do that. Not even if it was only once and you were drunk and you actually WERE good before that (which she really wasn't). And you especially don't get to claim that TO the child you said it to.

She drove my older two siblings to all these things, and then never showed up to a single track meet of mine. When I complained to her about it at the end of the year, she said, "you know, I've heard of 40 year olds who tell their parents it hurt when they didn't do that, but I've never heard of someone complaining while they're still young." She rarely came to any of my orchestra performances unless my sister was also there.

In fact, she asked the whole family to help out with money to send my sister on a music department trip, and then the next year, when I was old enough to do it, said they couldn't ask the family twice because it would be weird, and then told the rest of the family that I only did music because I wanted to be like my sister, guaranteeing none of them actually would think I WANTED to go on the trip so they wouldn't help me. I asked if I could do a program the school offered where I could help out at concessions at the sports events so I could save money to go, and she snapped "they shouldn't be making you work so you can go." So I didn't get to go.

So yeah, if you judge her by how she treated her golden children, she was pretty fucking stellar, I guess. If you judge her by how she treated the forgotten child (my little brother) she was alright. But if you judge her by how she treated me?

And then she fucking wonders why I'm closer to my dad.

God I'm so fucking mad.

[via-rant]

Comfort character Leo Valdez sounds (starting with aus) because I can't draw and I have no motivation to actually learn:

Gaea: This latest little game of yours. Thank the Gods it's over. Did you have fun? Did you get everything out of your system?

Leo: I-

Gaea: Good, good. Everyone is so relieved. Welcome home Leo.

-----------

Leo: You guys have no idea what it's like. She knows what a shitty person I am but she still smiles at me.

-----------

Leo as a kid sensing something wrong: Where are you going?

Some guy who took him in: Ah..... Just on a little trip.

Leo: [name redacted]? Will I ever see you again?

The guy: Sure you will kid. Sure you will.

Leo wanting to believe it: Well then. Goodbye [name redacted]. I'll miss you.

The guy: Goodbye.

------------

Percy: THAT'S ENOUGH!! GIVE US BACK OUR FRIEND!! OR ELSE!!

Leo: Now isn't. This. INTERESTING?!

(Be informed that these are all different aus I came up with and they're not well thought out. At all. Also that was the last one.)

--------------

Frank: You didn't tell me they were part of a gang!!

Leo: What difference does that make?

Frank: What diff- They're dangerous!

Leo: I. Was part of a gang.

(After meeting with one of Leo's old friends.)

--------------

Piper: It's not your fault.

Leo: I know. I mean I know, but I don't always know y'know? Like sometimes there's a tiny voice in the back of my head that goes "Hey, everyone hates you and they're not wrong to feel that way."

(This can be applied to literally any situation he was in.)

--------------

Leo: I sacrificed a ton and tried to be a good kid.

Some asshole: What have you ever sacrificed?

Leo: Everything. I gave up everything to be a good kid.

Asshole: Oh please. You died because you wanted to be a hero.

Leo: I'm not talking about my death, I'm talking about my life! I gave up my whole! LIFE!!

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Terra (11): You're my best friend Leo! Cause I'm special! A-and you're special-

Leo (11): WE'RE NOT SPECIAL!!

Leo: Don't you get it?! We'll never be one of them, we're freaks! We're not special Terra!! It's just something your mom told you to make you feel better about yourself because you CAME OUT WRONG!!!

(Like everyone else I made up a lot of stuff Leo went through while he was on the run.)

----------------

Leo: Why would I make them so uncomfortable?

Hazel: It probably has to do with your reputation.

Leo, smirking: I have a reputation?

Hazel: They see your fire, how much you can control it, it's....

Leo frowning: Freaky?

Leo, setting his hands on fire: Do you think I'm freaky?

------------------

A voice: Do you blame yourself?

Leo:...... What?

Voice: Well it's quiet common in this situation for a patient to feel a kind of... Guilt.

Leo: What situation?

Eidolon, showing itself: The accident.

--------------------

Percy: No your wrong, she loves you.

Leo rolling his eyes: No that's where you're wrong. They act like they love you. They act like they'll be there forever. Then one day they make you pack up all your things and kick you out and leave a 12 year old orphan to fend for himself!!

(Leo meeting Percy's mom and stepdad for the first time. I specifically chose this situation because of what the original audio was.)

---------------------

Piper: I think you'll get it some day.

Leo: Get what?

Piper: Love silly.

Leo: Well what if I don't want a partner?

Piper: Who said anything about a partner? Love comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms darling, self-love being one of them. It's a hard one to get at, that's for sure but once you have it, it's certainly nice to have.

(Aroace Leo Valdez my beloved.)

[sewergirls]

I feel so sick and distressed over the things my father has done. I can't reckon with it, I can't accept it, and I can't make peace with it. All the times he swore up and down that he wasn't in cahoots with my old boss to get me fired, all the times he told me not to quit that job and told me that I either needed to be working (there) or in college to stay in his house, all the times he kept track of my wrongdoings in secret just to blow up at me later. Hell, finding out that he did that to other people ROCKED my world.

I wouldn't be surprised at all if he and my old boss had a plan about it, or if he was watching me and forcing me to stay there to teach me some kind of sick lesson about being in his field. He would tell me over and over that if I quit without another (nonexistent) job lined up that I'd be blackballed in the industry and I would never get another job. What the fuck did he have to gain by saying that? It's not even true. Quitting ONE job for being insanely toxic does NOT give you a reputation.

He texted me and asked me to house-sit for him. I told him I'd do it if he paid for gas because I wasn't going to work those days and wasn't passing by his house. He tried to guilt trip me into doing it for free and eventually told me he'd find someone else to do it. He tried to make it sound like I would somehow benefit from doing him a favor, despite telling me multiple times he wouldn't give me any compensation (not even just gas money).

I feel like my parents are building increasing resentment towards me. It's not my fault I don't want to spend an hour on the interstate just to lug around heavy jugs of water at their house, but they keep acting like I owe them something. The only times they talk to me are to remind me of things they've done for me or to ask me for favors. It's honestly super distressing.

I keep feeling like a faildaughter and that I didn't live up to their expectations, but they never gave me clear expectations and the goalposts are always moving. At this point, I feel like the only way I'd ever mean anything to them is if I apologized for being born and offered to be their live-in maid again like I did the year after I graduated.

There's no way to have a normal relationship with my parents because they take even the blandest, most banal request for privacy as outright hostility. I asked them not to open my mail (literally wrote "please don't open my mail, thanks!") and my dad freaked the fuck out on me and told me I was being unreasonable. I told him it was a felony and he got even angrier, saying that it was just a mistake and it wasn't a felony to make a mistake. The mail in question was related to my retirement account and he had no reason to "accidentally" open it, unless he wanted to see how much money I had.

I just can't take it. I hate that I can't have a relationship with my parents and I hate knowing what I know about my dad. I just want the dad I thought I had. Even the good things feel tainted, like the mug he supposedly traveled all over creation to replace after my mom threw the original at my sister. He probably pinched it off someone's desk at work once he realized I noticed my mug was gone. It definitely wasn't something he was intentionally looking for. I just don't buy any of the nice, cute stories anymore. I've completely lost trust in both of them.

[medicinemane]

Man these days just kill me, and the fact my grandma just pissed me off one two many times kind of took a lot out of me too

Just... it sounds like nothing with any of these incidents in isolation, but the more I string together (knowing that I've straight up forgotten 99% of them over the years), the more it really shows a pattern

Like if you have to pick just two people to pin it on why I'm as messed up as I am, my mom and her mom (throw her dad in for 3rd place) and that's as far as you need to look. With my mom there's text book neglect, and with my grandma there's eternal belittling and the total refusal to respect boundaries, purposefully not listening at every turn

Cause I gotta ask, who literally bakes a cake just to trick a literal child because they're salty that the kid is "picky" cause they don't like bananas. You can't tell me that's a sane action, and you can't tell me that's anything but intentionally disregarding the simplest of boundaries

So yeah... not sure I have anything actionable to do with this info yet but there it is

Oh, and I never even in all of this brought up what a controlling person she is

Like she's one of those people who wields money and guilt like a cudgel. As a small child I understood the phrase and concept of "strings attached" cause I knew that was how everything from those grandparents came

My mom would basically trade time with me for money, her parents would constantly guilt her to keep her doing what they wanted. They would bitch that the phrase "guilt trip" was just psycho babble

Hell, my grandpa who at least I think liked me even if he wanted me to be totally different, the time as a little kid I was like "I don't want to talk about this, you're making me mad" was like "no one can make you mad" then acted shocked when I got pissed at him

Fucking constantly got stuck in car rides with him, which he basically used as a way to have a captive audience while he harangued me about whatever shit he was fixated on that day. Sometimes it was a nice ride, usually it was a lecture

Then one time when I'd actually started reading (but not a book he cared about) he insisted I do this history lesson with him, and I'm like... once I finish this chapter

No, now. He follows me through the trailer insisting all the way back to my room, and I go into the bathroom which was one of those open ones, and he's standing outside not letting up, and I'm slapping at and kicking the walls saying "leave me alone" and my foot goes through the flimsy innerwall of the trailer and he was shookth to the core in terror (for guilt, I mean he was a huge guy and I was 12, he wasn't scared of shit)

Anyway, that's off topic. On topic is that the real reason my grandma hated me getting the house is that it meant I cut off some of her control of my mom. She couldn't threaten to stop paying and make my mom move in with her like she'd constantly do (she never knew I'd moved out of the trailer, she thought she was threatening me too, but my dad was paying a sanity tithe for me in the form of rent money)

And petty too, my dad bought me a Thomas the Tank Engine board game, they decided they'd bought it for me. When my grandpa came over to help my mom clean up the trailer, he'd just throw out stuff he didn't care about, which is where my copy of Space Hulk and Green Things From Outerspace went (really cool game with really cool art... I should find another copy)

Anyway... like I said, maybe it just give some context as to why I don't really hold much opinion for myself, cause my whole childhood I was basically told what a fuck up I was and all the ways I needed to do shit different, and my whole teen years my grandpa had dementia from the stroke and then was gone, but my grandma keeps it up to this day

Just gets tiresome you know, and with my mom it's like, you feel duty, you fucking go. Why you drag me along? I don't like the lady, I don't think of her as family, still fucking using me as a sacrifice

(Did I mention the time my grandpa told me "sometimes we have to make sacrifices" cause I didn't want to do something around my grandma cause I knew she hated me? Looking back on it, old man no one in the family made more sacrifices then that kid, y'all were always asking him to sacrifice to me you happy, every last one of you. Dad's parents not so much, though they're not flawless, but mom's side wanted nothing but sacrifices)

(Then my grandma has the gall to say I'd have turned out right if they'd just been able to be the ones to raise me. Fuck nuts, you fucked up both your children, the fuck makes you think you'd do any better with me?)

Just tiresome, and she acts like I'm bad with money, like those grandparents aren't the two worst people with money I've ever known. I got a house in 2019, they got one in like the 70's, we're not the same. You couldn't get shit these days cause you're idiots

Grandpa once spent $1000 trying to get my dad's name off the trailer (which was only there cause my grandparents wouldn't cosign it so my dad had to). He was obsessed with it even though my dad didn't give a shit, and in 2020 when time came to get rid of it... my dad just signed the dotted line and got nothing (like me, cause despite all my work the trailer was worthless thanks to my mom destroying it, best we could do was get someone to take it as is for free, and my grandma bitched we'd been taken for a ride)

Just fuck that family, they're such shit, all of them. My uncle's alright, but still a fuckhead in various ways, my mom's way better than she used to be, but fucked me up too bad for me to ever be close or even able to tolerate her

I don't know... there's no such thing as closure talking about this. It's on going, it is what is, and I probably won't be free of it till they die, which I don't look forward to exactly but it's probably true

Probably can't break free, but at least I can not fuck anyone up the same way. Preferably just die myself already, but that seems like a hassle right now, so I'll go to bed soon instead

Just what a bunch of selfish assholes they all were, and are if they're here. Fuck it, I'm not really good enough, I'm not lovable and never will be, but at least I'm not a controlling asshole and try and make the people around me feel valuable instead of worthless

[3d-wifey]

CAN I GET MIKE WHEELER BEING A CUTE BOYFRIEND????? LIKE A CUTE LITTLE DRABBLE OF HIM BEING MEAN TO SOMEONE ELSE AND BEING NICE TO US, HIS GIRLFRIEND

I didn't make him mean to anyone specific, but I did include his general hatred for the world at large. Shout out to the number 1 Mike fan @unsheath

It must have been the hottest day in Hawkins's history by far, and it definitely didn't help that everyone and their mom seemed to unanimously decide to go to Forever 21 at the same damn time.

It was stupidly humid and Mike could feel the sweat making his shirt stick to his back as his gangly body hunched over uncomfortably in the shitty backless dressing room chairs.

His leg bounced up and down as dozens upon dozens of people milled around at a glacial pace, definitely not in any hurry to leave anytime soon, making it ten times hotter. To make matters worse, the store was located in a part of the mall that didn't have a functioning AC. It would cut on randomly before sputtering out and Mike really hoped the jackasses that constructed this building burned in hell.

He leaned forward before deciding to lean back against the cool wall and cross his arms over his chest. He didn't have to look in one of the many mirrors to know his face was twisted into something petulant. Face flushed and scowl heavy.

Despite the mall being relatively new, the speakers still crackled and squeaked as they played some kind of shitty bubblegum pop at an obnoxious volume.

Shitty; it was all shitty and Mike would love to be literally anywhere else, but...

The dressing room door in front of him swung open as you walked out. The lighting in this area was far from flattering, but it seemed to shine on you perfectly.

"So," his back straightened and his arms dropped to his sides as you did a cute little spin, "How do I look?"

You wore a plain, white shirt and black suspenders attached to a black pleated skirt with funky symbols all over it. From what he could see, there were yellow circles, green squares, and pink squiggles. The only thing this outfit had in common with the other ones you tried on today was how pretty you looked in it, which made it an automatic win in Mike's books.

"Good. It looks good," he had to consciously make sure his jaw hadn't dropped, "You look good."

"You said that about the last three outfits." You huffed, going to look at yourself in the mirror.

"Because it's true." He shrugged, feeling weirdly defensive, "You make them all...good."

He was sure he wasn't much help shopping-wise, considering he thought you looked pretty in everything you wore. That probably explained the three other shopping bags next to him full to the brim with new clothes, clothes he insisted on buying. And by the looks of it, he was buying this one too. He could kiss this month's allowance goodbye.

"You've got a real way with words, Wheeler."

"I managed to get you to date me, didn't I?" He reminded you with a self-satisfied smirk, but it was kind of hard to feel smug with sweat gathering on his lip.

"Sure, but it was only because it was embarrassing how hard you tried to get my attention." His smirk would have faltered if he hadn't caught your shit-eating grin.

"Oh, har har. Hurry up so we can get in line. I wanna get to Scoops Ahoy before Steve's shift ends." Mike couldn't wait for the two of you to escape the heat while gorging yourselves on the free ice cream you'd both guilt trip Steve into giving you. You more than him, since it was hard for anyone to deny you anything. It was the main reason he came with you when he could have been at the arcade with the rest of the Party.

"Okay." You leaned down to kiss the corner of his mouth and if anyone asked, the blush traveling down his neck would be blamed on the heat.

[princess-of-the-corner]

How would the southern raiders go in the avatar ty lee au

Me: *types a long ass answer*

Tumblr: *Deletes it*

FUCK

Anyway! This episode!

As there isn't the tension and trust issues within the group, the conversation comes up more naturally.

Like. Everyone /kinda/ figured out that Katara and Sokka's mom is no longer around, but this is the first time they share what exactly happened.

Which. Yeah our Fire Nation kids get that classic guilt trip again!

But they also now realize there's some weird shit about that story because like. While attacking a place and killing people in a war isn't new, the fact that they showed up, killed one person who was a housewife rather than a warrior, and left? That's weird as hell and feels targeted somehow.

Zuko thinks on it a bit and the next day offers to both Katara and Sokka that he can help them figure out what happened. They try to be all 'hey just because you feel guilty for something your people did doesn't mean you have to do that', but Zuko is like 'no, I know what it's like to have a mother disappear from your life under mysterious as hell circumstances and not have answers.' .

Both Katara and Sokka do want an answer. Because how can they not? So they both agree.

Azula hears what's going on and is like 'oh we're living vicariously through these two now? Sweet I'm tagging along!'.

Now. The others don't have as personal stakes in this even though they care, so they're not going on this field trip. But I do want to address that, at least at first, this is a mission about getting answers and some kind of closure, not for vengeance. So no one is discouraging this. (And a side note on /that/, is that in Canon, I don't think the word Aang should've used this episode was 'forgiveness', but more 'letting go of it so that it can't haunt you and you can move on properly'.)

So they head off on their journey, and get the information on the Southern Raiders and all that but they pause becuase uh. The Bloodbending? Yeah everyone realizes now that Katara's rage is taking over and making this into vengeance rather than closure.

There.... is some discusion on that. Honestly you'd think that Azula would be more down for murder, but she's hit that point of 'I want to kill someone because they killed someone I love' rage. She didn't get to, but she knows you can move on without the murder.

Zuko and Sokka bring up a more tangible point of how they don't know if the guy who killed Katara's mom directly was anything more than a soldier following orders. Yeah, there is a tangible guy who struck the killing blow. But was he an actual evil person, or just another soldier thinking he's doing something good for his country? While there is something to say on that overall, the real fault probably goes to the higherups who ordered that attack rather than the actual guy who killed her.

At first Katara does just get more pissed. And she does blow up at Sokka with the whole 'then you didn't love mom like I did'. But she immediately realizes that was fucked up and too far and apologizes.

She kinda realizes that maybe they're right, but they do need to see this through to the end. There's a lot of 'maybe' in their discussion and Katara needs to know.

Of course then we get to confronting the fucker who killed her mom! And we get his confession of what happened. How they'd heard of another Waterbender in the Southern Tribe, how he was sent to kill them, and the woman confessed.

We still get Katara going full rage and baddass, because she's fucking pissed. And now doubly so because she feels /guilty/. The guy was sent after her, and her mother died protecting her. She feels like it's her fault.

Ironically, it's actually Sokka who comes closer to killing the guy. Because yes, he loved his mom and he's upset at her death. But he had already mostly come to terms with her death, regardless of mysterious circumstances.

But finding out that, on top of his mom dying, Katara was the intended target? That's a whole different kind of pissed the hell off.

In the end, neither kills him. It just.... it doesn't feel worth it. What happened happened, and there's still that anger over it because it shouldn't have happened. But this guy? They won't get much out of killing him. They won't even get a satisfaction of 'at least he won't hurt anyone else' because the man is old and retired anyway.

They have answers. Anything further won't help them.

So everyone leaves just as they did in Canon. Though they don't tell the rest of the group that it nearly turned into a murder.

Of course, on the way back, they get to talking about what Zuko and Azula mentioned on their mother. And.... Yeah let's just say that Katara and Sokka agree that the whole situation is sus as hell. But unlike them, Zuko and Azula know /where/ the get answers, but not /how/ to get answers. So they're not getting that for a while.

[transpat]

bad buddy ep 11 and themes of filial piety

the moral of junior and his mom's story was not that parents are always right and it's kind of ??? that so many ppl have interpreted it that way? so i wrote an entire essay about how our culture, our upbringing has shaped us into submission to our parents, how it's carved a trench into our hearts to hold undying love for them, uncaring about the damage it inflicts upon us kids.

(under the cut to grace ur dashboard nflslnfs)

here, when they're conversing about how parents know what's better for their children, pran immediately disagrees. thinks back to his own parents, thinks about how happy he is w pat, thinks how could she have ever been right about separating me from him. he knows she's wrong, even points out that his mother might have been:

but then she says this:

implying the most important thing to her is her son, that having her son is what completed her life. and that makes a dent in his wall, prompts him to ask her what's been eating at him:

here he asks her this from the depths of his heart. he's asking: mae, are you lonely w/o me? he's answered: yes, but i'm more worried if ur alright, if ur safe and healthy, bc i'm ur mother.

narratively the purpose it fulfills is obv to guilt-trip pran, but also to give pran another an excuse, a justification for his mother's actions, the final push he needs to return to someone he can't separate himself from. he's angry but he misses her, and now he has a reason: she was doing what she thought was the right thing. so pran immediately jumps on that and forgives her bc it was breaking him when he couldn't. and i get it, i really do. as someone raised so similarly as pran, by a parent ur very very close to, by a parent who shares all their joy, takes out all their distress on u, u start to feel responsible for them, u feel like u should be protecting them, from themselves even. (and this is all be a parent's job. but that's what emotionally immature parents do to their kids: turn those little children into their guardians.)

pran's thoughts r so heartbreakingly simple thru out this ep: it's finding out his mother was a victim, and constantly stressing for her, bc he now that he knows, he wants to see her, he wants to comfort her. he told her before he shouldn't be responsible for her feelings, but that was when he thought it was a bad breakup, but the truth is worse, is uglier and what he said now sounds nasty to his own ears and he wishes he could take it back, wishes he could hug her.

she hurt him before he left, and that both enables him to take this step and makes it harder, bc he knows she must be guilty now, that he's adding to her pain by running away. he should be eating her apology curry, crying w her as she hugs him to her chest (lying for the millionth time 'i didn't mean it. i didn't want to hurt u. i was only protecting u son.'), but here he is, so far away from her, laughing w other ppl while she must be in pain.

the logical part of pran's brain understands he should not be responsible for an adult's feelings. the child part, the part that's dissaya's son, the dominant part of his brain tells him 'how could u abandon her when she needs u still' tells him 'u left ur mother to stress and worry and cry and ache while ur here enjoying urself laughing w other' tells him 'ur only job was to not cause her worry, yet here u r, a horrible son'.

this narrative is guilt-tripping pran, but it isn't guilt-trippy in the way that says 'parents know what's better for u', bc pran and pat r past that point, they know w cemented surety that's not true. if it was, those adults wouldn't have fabricated lies for years to keep them apart. what it says is, 'she did that w the best intentions at heart', and to pran that rings true. to pran, all he can see now is a heartbroken girl who has a son she falls in love w and fights for, tooth and nail against the world, to shield him from the same pain.

and this entire narrative sucks. it's not saying 'mothers know best' it's reinstating how many asian cultures have always tried to brainwash kids, that 'whatever bullshit ur parents do, even their actions leave u bruised and bleeding, it's out of genuine concern for u, so you can't hate them for it xoxo'

that's ass advice, and idk why p'aof or the writers would opt for such a damaging narrative, but story-wise its been working on pran. pran who knows his mother became like this bc of her victim complex, who knows she was trying to protect him from what she went thru by forcing him apart from pat, who can temporarily give pat up bc he can't ask her to forgive pat's father or family, thereby putting a wholeass grownup's whims above his own needs. pran who's gullible and believes she did it purely out of love and not to release her own pent up anger, who's grown enough to understand he needs to fulfill the roles she's envisioned for him for as long as he's under her roof, who's love for his mother is so great, he'll jump aboard any justification he can grasp onto to forgive her fully. (someone please tell him u don't have to forgive ur parents to love them. that u don't have to forgive anyone u love to continue loving them. its so obv he doesn't know, and in forgiving them he keeps wronging himself.)

bc see, this is where the real damage these deep-rooted values of filial piety has done to children. it's crippling, but not just in the sense that it forces you to bend to bad parents, but it also snatches ur ability to ever truly hate them, to view them in negative light for long. bc we're taught that that's what bad, ungrateful children do. bc disobedience, hating ur parents is the biggest imaginable sin, a horrible, evil thing to do, and so just the notion of hating them will make u loathe urself. makes it unbearable for u live w urself.

our culture has intertwined the lives of parents and children to the extent that any attempt to cut them off will be like trying to slice off ur own flesh. ur parents become this painful, purulent blister on u, that's chronic and throbs and causes u excessive pain, but popping it is much more pain, is terrifying and could possibly be more damaging, so the only thing u can do is live w it. if u pop it open it'll scar, if u let it heal on it's own it'll scar, it'll scar regardless of what u do, and some ppl don't have the courage needed to mutilate themselves that way, to forcibly cut off a bad arm, so they live w it. it'll heal, it'll leave a nasty scar, but it'll heal in the end. years will pass, it'll dry up and leave a blemish, a darkness in ur soul. it'll heal and leave u with flesh so raw and soft, it bleeds open from the lightest nip. but it will get better, it won't forever carry the power to harm u.

(there's also the way our society tricks us into gratitude by telling us at least. at least ur parent isn't doesn't regularly hit u. at least ur parent isn't a violent drunkard. at least it's just a blister, a searing burn, and not a cancer. as if that makes it any better, any less painful.)

pat is the kind who has the courage to prick the blister before it festers. pran does not. it's sad, it's heartrending, it's tragic, but some ppl aren't - will never be - strong enough to fight their parents. some ppl will forever cower in their presence, will be powerless against them. some ppl need time, till they've grown enough to be removed from underneath their shadow, and finally blossom under the sunlight. pran's that person, and pat only let him go bc he understands that.

u also need to remember that they're still at a stage where they're dependent on their parents. where they still need their parents to fulfill their basic needs. so cutting them off at this point was never a viable option.

and so, our societies give parents a platform to weaponize a child's reliance and devotion to them, teach children one - and the only - way to love them - the sacrificial, all-consuming, unconditional love, that's actually supposed to be a parent's duty to their kids. it fools kids into believing they owe their parents for their upbringing and guidance (like that isn't simply their job), for giving life to them and bringing them into this world (which was their decision not ours), for completing the most basic responsibilities parents owe their kids. and that esp applies to mothers. mothers who carry their babies in their wombs for 9 months and go thru painful deliveries to give birth to them. mothers who are put on a pedestal for the same (and they should be unless they turn out like. that.) and are handed a right over their children and their bodies no one else can claim. that's another reason why it was easier for pat to leave his parents behind, bc they were in the clear wrong, bc it was his father he abandoned.

it's impossible not to lash out on unfair parents, and the guilt u feel about hurting them is reinforced by a culture that tells u forgiving them is ur redemption, loving them despite it all is martyrdom, heroic, smth that is worthy of applause and praise. detrimentally, that becomes the only way ur able to like urself, the only way u find purpose and value in ur existence. that's what they make of children - thru centuries and centuries of deeply rooted trauma passed down through generations - living w ur parents is war, and children are soldiers thrown into battle unarmed; forced to learn on their own and fight a war they shouldn't have to. when those children grow up, they either become pranpat's parents and push their own offsprings into the fire they've never escaped, or they become pran and pat who struggle and suffer and tolerate and come out of it battered, but w their souls intact.

for pran there's that added 'only child' factor, where he thinks that pat's parents have pha but his parents have him only, that they'd break entirely w/o him and he can't do that to the ppl who raised him, to the ppl he loves. plus, he's very close to his mother, freely shares most things w her (had no reservations about telling her he met pat again in ep1 despite. well the history around that), to him he's her best friend and w/o him she'll get lonely. miserable.

in the same scene, where when pranpat tell their parents about their first fight in uni, pat's father asks him if he won and his disconnect from his son's wellbeing is what later makes it easy for pat to shrug off his. while pran's mother asks him if he was hurt, bc that's what she's worried about, bc that's what her upbringing has been like: underneath the abuse and struggle for control in every aspect of her son's life, there's genuine worry u can't separate from who she is. like her poor decision-making and bad parenting, her love too is a very real and an enormous chunk of of her, and for a child that's always strived for her approval, who still yearns to be blanketed in her warmth, it's that aspect of her that stands out, stark against the years of trauma and abuse. she does love him, she loves him a lot. its just tragic that her love is conditional unlike pran's unconditioned love. that where pran is incapable of hurting her for his own happiness, she carries no such reservations. but to pran, that selfish, venomous love is enough to forgive every single atrocity she's ever committed against him, that much is enough for him to put aside his own needs and desires to baby his parent.

where pran's deepest insecurities and traumas are born from, isn't the control his mother has on his life, or her irrational regulations. it's the persistent disapproval she chucks at him. she tells him 'u can do whatever u want as long as its smth i like' says 'if u have time to waste doing what u love, why aren't u working harder for me' looks at him like 'u could have done better, if u loved me enough u would have tried harder'. everything he does, everything he's given up, everything he's become, is bc he wants her approval, her praise, for her to look at him and hold her chin high w pride. what hurts him isn't her malice or temper, it's that, despite having done so much, despite cutting out so many pieces of himself to fit her mold, he hasn't received the approval he was seeking, the thank u he's wanted to hear.

it's a quiet pain u carry ur whole life, where for ur parents u give and give and give, u do everything the way they like to make them happy, but it's still not enough. they're still not satisfied. they still want more and more and ur running out of things to give, u've already peeled all the flesh from ur bones. and u think 'just this once, can't u look at me and think this is enough. just one time, can't u accept me for what i am.'

but u'll never be enough for them. u'll never fit their exact mold bc everyone's their own person, everyone's a bright, unique soul that should be allowed to exist as they are. u understand that one day, and it breaks ur heart. bc if u understood this with ur juvenile brains, why can't they? they're the adults, they're the experienced, they're the grownups. how come smth so clear-cut, so simple is still a mystery to them? and that's why pran won't throw away his dreams for her. he's given up enough, he won't give up himself. he will become a musician, he will return to pat. but bc he loves her, he'll do it in the way he dreams she'll be okay with. bc he believes all she wants is for him to live a secure life, so he'll get the secure, stable job she wants. he'll fulfill his duty as her son, then he'll reach out, grab onto his own dreams.

one last facet we've seen of pran's mom is that disease of shifting blame onto others. that most asian parents suffer from varying degrees of the same. in our households, someone has to be responsible for each and every situation, someone has to be held accountable for every last thing. and our parents don't want to be that someone. so naturally, the weak, the lesser humans, the children become their scapegoats. i imagine that must be what pran's childhood must have been like too. with no siblings to share his load, he carried the brunt of their mistakes, their misgivings since he was young. that's why pran's the 'responsible', the 'sensible' one amongst them. that's why pran's so meticulous, why he fears consequences so much. why he can apologize to wai after he was outed, after he had his trust betrayed. bc he's used to that. his parents have already conditioned him into bearing responsibility for others, into dreading disobedience so fiercely, he's locked himself shut in a closet he's terrified of leaving.

and so, ik it seems ideal, as the right thing to do to us as the audience, for pran to choose healing, love over his vile, abusive parents. but for pran who's skeleton has been built on these very values, for pran who sees only the love beyond every ugly shade of his parents - abandoning those ppl, the ones who raised him, who did so much for him, and all for a boy who comparatively holds nothing above them is virtually impossible. for pran, who's parents have only ever made him hate himself, to whom loving pat has been a lesson in making peace w himself, in learning to like who is, in beginning to love being in his own skin, ofc he wouldn't want that love tainted w his parents' shadows. loving pat is holy, sacred, the only thing that truly matters, and ofc, ofc pran doesn't want that corrupted, sullied, by becoming a bane to his parents. that's why he has to let pat go, till the clouds clear, till the air he's surrounded w is fresh, free from any pollutant that could poison his love.

they'd never be truly happy if they left behind their entire lives (and why should they have to, just to be w each other. why is it that they have to sacrifice smth to be happy.) but that esp holds true to pran, who cannot desert his parents. (and so he's forced to make another sacrifice. not the one he could have made for himself, but one he again makes for others. but this time it's okay, bc he knows this isn't forever. pat and him are meant for each other, meant to be together. he feels easier about letting pat go for the time being, bc he knows, inevitably, they'll find their way back to each other, like magnets, like the moon to its orbit, like two halves of the same whole.)

our culture isn't inherently wrong, gratitude and devotion to parents can be a beautiful thing. if parents do their jobs right. raising kids is difficult and does put a lot of stress upon them, so ofc they'd dream of love and gratefulness in return. guardians do sometimes have to hurt children to protect them (never in an abusive manner thou). where it goes wrong is telling children regardless. regardless of how ur parents hurt u, ur obliged to forgive them. where it goes wrong is in the expression of that love and gratitude. children shouldn't be expected to make sacrifices for their parents. ever. what it does wrong is teaching children and children and only children when it's parents that require education first. parents who should be fulfilling their duties first. parents who will do the bare minimum like teaching u to walk and paying ur school fees then wash their hands off responsibility and still. still expect children to pay them in return.

filial piety tells u repay ur parent's love, to love them they way they unconditionally love u. the inept adults of our society twisted it into smth meaningless, into that destructive notion of having to repay parents for simply doing their duty. u don't owe them for that. u don't owe them for bringing u into the world when u had no say in it. if ur parents r worthy of ur devotion, of ur gratitude, it's only if and when they don't constantly remind u of it, if they don't make absurd demands of u and enforce this. ur only obliged to love and forgive ur parents if their love is boundless first, if they're capable of reflecting and changing for ur sake (w/o having broken u first that is).

also, given how they've dealt w the junior thing this ep i've kind of lost any hope about them dealing w the parents situation the way they should. bc junior's mom is right, kids keep changing, and what they want at this age might not be what they'll want later. but to take away ur child's agency, their right to make their own decisions, purely bc of their age and ur conviction that u know better is shitty. what he wanted wasn't necessarily bad - he might not have a stable income, but he would have stayed where his heart was, he would have been content and happy. what he wanted might have not been temporary like she imagines, and what she believes is doing the right thing for him, could simply be snatching his happiness away. she doesn't take her child's wishes seriously, doesn't believe he's capable of making the right decisions for himself at this age, and that same idea will filter thru her upbringing even once the kid has grown and shouldn't be at her mercy.

all this wasn't to say this is a 'realistic' take bc fuck realism this is a story, and ppl began to tell stories to allow superheroes and utopias - that are impossible in real life - to exist. to fight off the suffering and injustices of reality. and homophobia doesnt exist in this world, so why did this kind of 'realism' have to? the point of realism in stories is satirize darker aspects of society, so if anything this arc should have either been closed by pranpat fighting their parents or by painting their parents as the villains they r, instead of the whole 'they're still ur parents <3 they only do rubbish bc they love u' narrative. i won't comment much on that for now, until ep 12 comes out and i can see how they finally deal w that but. i don't like the direction it points to rn. pran and pat's parents are evil, their children should never feel bad about abandoning them, and if the story concludes w/o emphasizing this i'm going to be disappointed.

[dreaminpeaches]

“Ladies, Gentlemen, Enbies...HER--I mean Him? Or them?-- whatever, anyways here's the first part of my daydream paracosm, Humble Pie. I was really happy I was able to come up with the first part in a somewhat cohort manner. Part 2 is also going to follow this sometime soon, but after that its probably just gonna be short shorts, text exchanges, and or drabbles, but that first part��s finally a thing! And that’s cool”

“Also just reminder that this paracosm is set in a mix timeline, like people have flip phones, cassette tapes, but still also have stuff like gamer chairs, and slang like sus/lit exist, so I hope that doesn’t bother you..oof”

“Also I wrote this from my Remarkable, then convert it to text, and did some proof reading, but my handwriting is still can only be read by chickens and my dyslexia ninja has sneak 100 accuracy so..yeah

Word count: 6,115

TW: mention of Bullying, DeadBeat dad, Smoking, Drinking, Swearing (only for comedy’s sake tho’), Dissociation, Guilt (but don’t worry there’s still A LOT of fluff in this piece, tho)

Link to Alternate version on my off-site daydream blog: Humble pie part 1

=================================================================

"Okay, here we go" Beau said, taking one last drag of his cigarette, and taking in one last look at the panoramic view of the town below, Newbury, his hometown, he was away for a year because of college which he dropped out of. Well, "dropout" made it seemed like he had a choice, more like he flunked out, there were' 'reasons that 'made college impossible for Beau, reasons that he couldn't get into or more like reasons he didn't want to get into, these were the some reasons that turned what was suppose to be a 5 hour drive into an 8 hour one, making him stop ever so often to the nearest park, overlook, or clearing to get out, smoke and or take a short walk. These stops were so frequent by the time he reached his hometown’s overlook he was on his last stick, hard to believe he started the trip w/ a full box.

He dropped the last of the remains of the cig on the ground and stomped out the glow ember with his dark brown rounded toed boot, watching the embers glow go out made him feel similar in a way.

Beau took one more last look at the small town below blanketed by the dark, light sky. He looked around. the overlook, bring back memories of. late night make outs, sneak outs and general teenaged shenanigans.

Beau remembers once on a night he was really buzzed, a rare event for him, drinking with his buddies, rather it was the buzz from the beer, or he was just 'riding the 'high off scoring the winning goal for the team, or general teen hormones. He felt invincible, so invincible he stood up on the ledge and proclaimed himself as king of the world

A moment Beau looks back at and shakes his head as if to try to erase the memory from his mind like an etch n’ sketch, suddenly he got a bad taste in his mouth or maybe that's just the cigarettes "King of world….yeah, right" Beau said pulling up the collar of his jacket and shrugging his hands into his pockets, and headed back into the car.

It was getting late and there was no use in stalling any longer, might as well continue to the inevitable. Stalling may be that’s the feeling that's been following him the whole time, stalling the fact that he would have to return to his hometown a failure after being touted and praised for being a star athlete , and getting into a ivy league school, a feat his mom was really proud since she herself couldn't go to college because of having Beau at such a young age, and having to deal with a bunch of other “BS” as Beau would put it.

Beau really wanted to make her proud by becoming a famous football player and make tons of money so she wouldn't ever have to worry about bills n 'stuff and live in the malibu dream house she dreamed of living in since she was a kid, a dream she would talk about to her children like it was fairytale during when time got real tough.Even though she sounded upbeat over the phone about the news, Beau knew his mom was an expert when it came to masking her disappointment and skill that was pretty integral with dealing Beau's birth father. He just hopes she's not too disappointed

As the twilight sky grew more dark the street lights flickered on. Familiar and nostalgic landmarks and structures rolled by as Beau drove by with one hand gripping the wheel while the other hand hung casually out of the rolled down window. the nighttime breeze gentle, tossing his cart dirty blond hair mullet. The 'murmur of punk music lighty playing from the car's speaker, that was playing louder earlier but the volume's quickly depleted because blasting punk 'music at night in a small town is pretty serious offensive a risk, a younger Beau would play around with, but now being older he knows better.

Driving into his old neighborhood, seemingly not much has changed, but what do you expect from a small town? The old neighborhood consisted of typical signatures of most middle upper class .. neighborhoods, Christmas ' decorations long over due to be taken down, manicured lawns, next to slightly less manicured lawns. Some lawns adored w/ gnomes and flamingos, a step up from the lawns of homes in his childhood neighborhood whose homes had what one could consider a lawn but just barely, Beau and his brother were lucky enough to have a sizable back yard and a tree house.

His family's lawn had a bunch of outdoor toys laid about on their lawn: a nerf gun, a pink tricycle, a tiled dyed color bouncy ball and an empty container of mega bubble wand. Beau drove up in the driveway being careful to not accidentally run over any of the toys in the yard.

He eject the mixtape from the player and put it into his jacket chest pocket. Beau leaned over and rummaged through the glove compartment fishing out a small travel can of axe's body spray and another small spray can of mouthwash, he used both to cover the scent of cigarette smoke, a smell his mother was highly sensitive to. He popped in a stick of spearmint for extra measure before getting out of the car and going to the trunk to retrieve his suitcase. Beau only had one suitcase since all the stuff really needed and cared about conveniently fitted in one suitcase.

Beau propped up his suitcase as he closed the trunk, the car beeped and blinked as he pressed the lock button. He headed up the pathway to the front door, his heart beating louder and louder with each step leading up to the front door.

Beau took a deep breath, Pulling himself together. "Okay" He said under his breath as his hand slowly reach for the knob but before he could even get a good grip, the door swung open, Beau's eyes raced up to see the thinning hair of a middle aged man, Beau eyes lowered a bit more to see the mustached clad face of the man the hair belonged to. "Hey, Big Boss! '' the mustache man said with a grin. The man was Beau's stepfather, David.

"Hello, David, I-I mean Dad." Beau awkwardly greeted his stepdad, trying his best not to show discomfort at his step dad's “nickname" for him.

"Ha, ha that's okay, son!”David laughed, giving Beau a hefty pat on the back.

"Here, let me get your bags." David said, reaching for Beau's suitcase, looking behind Beau expecting more bags

“You only brought one bag?" he questioned, looking curiously.

'--I like to be efficient" Beau muttered with a shrug and a side glance. "HAHA you and me both, Big B" David chuckled playful elbowing Beau, who gave a half-smile and a small chuckle--well, more like a slight nose huff

"Hey, honey Big B is home!" David shouted as Beau closed the front door.

His mother came rushing from the bedroom in her rose pink robe w/a barbie in insignia on the front with matching fuzzy slippers, her sandy blond hair still damp from the shower.

"My little boy, oh!" she said, warping Beau in a tight motherly embrace. "Welcome home!" Beau's mother pulled back for a second, cupping her son's face in her hands “you’re still so handsome"

"Wait..." Beau gently removed his mom's hands from his face "Are you okay, mom?" He asked his considerate brown eyes searching his mother's teal eyes for any sign of distress.

"Of course, sweetie," his mom beamed. "I have all of my loved ones under one roof. What's more to ask?"

it's just that I didn't- Y-you know." Beau said with downcast eyes

"Oh, that" his mom said wide eyes and then shaking her head in dismissed

"Don't worry about not finishing college, I mean just look at me"

“But You just seemed so proud that I got in, I just didn't want to let you down"

“Sweetie, it's fine," his mom said, gently guiding his head up with her hand to look at him "I was not proud that-You were becoming the smart, sweet kind young man, I always knew you were, but now. I'm just happy that you’re here and I get to see you go. on the journey myself!" Beau chuckled tightly and blushed at his mom's admiration.

"Plus, Your mom's not the only one who is happy to have You home!” David said, gesturing towards the hallway. Beau looked to see a small figure peeking from the corner, the figure quickly disappeared followed by an overflow of giggles.

A smile slowly creeped across Beau's face, he slowly kneeled down. " "Gasp * Is that my little care bear?"

From the shadows totted out, a little girl dressed in a blue care bear patterned nightgown, her blonde hair tied up in pigtails, she grasped a love-a-lot bear in one arm while her other arm was open as she raced towards Beau, also with arms wide open for a hug "Bo-Bo"

"Hey, care bear!" Beau cooed as he picked up his little sister "Wow, You've gotten so big since the last time I saw you!

"Carrie's been asking when you were coming since you told us you were coming home "David stated

"Really?"

"Yep!'' Carrie nodded proudly "You still have the love-a lot bear I won at grad night". Beau vividly remembers winning Love A Lot and his friends making fun of him, but Carrie really appreciated it more than he thought.

"Yeah, she takes it with her everywhere!" mom emphasized “Thank god, the kindergarten has a security blanket policy!

"Aww..." Beau said fondly looking at Carrie, who had her head resting on his shoulder, still grasping love a lot.

Beau thought for a moment and looked around "wait, where Dev?"

"Oh" mom said putting her hand on her head with a semi sigh "He's been going through... things"

"Teenager things: David specified "He's the big one three now.. "

“Don't worry, I can talk to him!”Beau said, confidently, slowly nodding his head

. Carrie lets out a small yawn "Aw, you sleepy, care bear?" Beau asked as Carrie rubbed her eyes

"It's past her bedtime, but she really wanted to see you," Mom said, stroking Carrie's hair. "Is someone ready for the sleep shuttle'?" Beau asked Carrie, looking at her in her sleepy hazel eyes, she nodded in response

"Alright, Here we go!" Beau held Carrie in both hands placing his arms out in front of him, he kneeled down and started counting down. "3…..2...1. Blast off!"

Beau shot Carrie in the as he stood back up. As he moved towards Carrie's bedroom, he moved all around side to side, up and down while making spaceship sounds, Carrie was giggling all the way through.

"Incoming! "Beau shouted as he swooshed Carrie round a few more times before landing her swiftly on the bed.

"Huston, the eagle. has landed!." Beau said, holding his ear as if he had an earpiece "Not eagle! Bear!" Carrie stated holding up her care bear "correction, the "BEAR" has landed!" Beau correcting himself, bringing a huge smile to her face as she nuzzled her care bear

"Okay, night, right, care bear" Beau said patting carries head

"Wait!" Carrie said holding on to her brother's arm "Is Bo-Bo still gonna be here in the Morning?""Of course, I'm not going anywhere at least for a while.." "Beau said, kneeling down to Carrie's eye level.

"Okay, I like having Bo-Bo around:'' Carrie said "and I like being around" Beau said, "see you in the morning, care bear" Beau gives Carrie a good night kiss on the forehead.

She settles into bed as Beau closes the door. Beau grinned to himself, feeling lucky to have such a cute sister. He remembers when Devin was that little, speaking of Dev. Beau apphoraced Dev's bedroom door. The door was caution tape, Don't enter signs, with a please knock before entering sign.

At first Beau did think about knocking but then thought "I could be a respectful older brother respect the sign or I could have fun and be a little shit. He pondered about it for a minute then-"yeah, I'm gonna be a little shit.”

Beau took a card out his wallet and wedged it in between the door to jimmied the lock. He peeked through the door to see Dev playing a video game on the tv. "you little..." Beau said under his breath, before bombastically opening the door "Hey there, squirt!" Beau said, shoving the door open

"Didn't you read the sign?!" Dev said as he turned around in his gamer chair in both shock-and annoyance

"Wow, that's a pretty warm welcome to give your older brother you haven't seen in a year!" Beau snarked, pretending to look hurt'' "Nice to see you too!"

"Oh my god!" Dev said, rolling his eyes and turning his chair back to tv, bringing his attention back to the game.

"and here I thought you were working on a project or homework or some school shit!" Beau continued "but no, you're just sitting here playing one of your little nerd games"

"Oh my god, can't you just leave!" Dev groaned as he hunching closer to the tv.

"You couldn't at least say "Hi" " Beau said now standing right behind Dev gamer chair

Dev raised and waved his hand half-heartedly and flatly said "hi"

"Well, damn I feel loved," Beau said sarcastically. "aren't you at least gonna look at me?" shaking the gaming chair a bit to gain an ounce of his little brother’s attention.

“ I saw you "Kool aid man" into my room. Is that enough?" Dev said still focusing on the game Beau sighed, then got an idea "Dev! Dev! I think there's something wrong with my heart I think I gonna-ugh!" He said staggering forward a bit before falling in Dev's lap, knocking out the game controller out of Dev's hands.

"Come on! I was in the middle of battle!" Dev whined looking at his brother playing dead

"Get off of me!" Dev go armed as he tried to push beau off with no luck

"Come on, Beau!" He gored in frustration “I know you're not dead! I can still feel your heartbeat..."

Get up!" Beau remained still, Dev rolled his eyes; he knew the exact words to get his brother off his back or in this case lap.

"Big brother, can you please get off of me n Dev utter begrudgingly "Aw, you haven't call me ‘Big brother’ in years" Beau chimed with a smile, finally getting up "I'm still kind of hurt, that you cared about your gaming progress than the well being for your one and only big brother"

"You were still breathing, I could literally see you inhaling and exhaling." Dev clarified rubbing his forehead

"Touche, I guess" Beau said he then directed Dev's chair in front his bed," now that I have your attention"

"Okay, I guess I should say sorry since you couldn't and say "hi" to me because you were too busy saving some elf princess, or some anime chick with huge melons"

"I-H-Hey I don't even play those types of games!" Dev argued blushing

" .-sure you "don't'." Beau taunted with a wink, Dev goanned "Anyways, Anyways you don't have to say "hi",; but you could at least not talk to me"

Beau suggested, shrugging. "I guess" Dev mumbled kind of sinking into his chair "cool, so how's life?" Beau started, trying to start a diagoul "okay"

"How's school?"

"Okay"

"How’re your friends?"

"Okay"

"Got a girlfriend?"'

"NO”

"Got a boyfriend?"

N-NO"

"Got any crushes"

“….NO…..."

"joined any clubs or any other after school junk?"

" ..... NO..."

"Are you just gonna answer all my questions in one word?"

Dev fell quiet, and shifted his gaze from his brother

“Okay, that's it!" Beau huffed, he picked up Dev and hoasted him over his shoulder "Hey! put me down!" Dev-shouted , beating his fists on Beau's back "Not until you talk to me like an actual person, and one worded answers aren't gonna cut it, squirt!"

"MOM! Dad!"

"Mom and Dav-Dad are fast asleep, and you know they both sleep like rocks!" Beau stated'' the only person you'll wake up is Carrie, and You don't want to wake little care bear, now do YOU?"

Dev fell Quiet again, "You know I can hold you like this for hours, you aren't really that heavy, or you can just end this and talk to me" Beau suggested ending the suggestion with a sigh and started to stomp his foot impatiently..

Dev continued the silent treatment for a bit until letting out a meek "Okay...I'll try" .

Hey, three words, that's a start!" Beau cheekly commented,He sat Dev back down in his green gamer chair.

"Okay, do over!" Beau said casually sitting across from Dev and his bed. "so, how's school going?" "F-fine” Beau gave Dev a intense look, reminding Dev of his word count “N-no, I mean it's just weird" Dev stuttered choosing his words carefully, Dev fiddled with his hoodie sleeves.

"and it's weird because..." Beau initiated, gesturing his hand toward encouraging Dev to continue "It's weird because.... I don't know, Middle school is way different than 'elementary school, I mean I knew that from tv, but middle school isn't like tv."

"It's okay, nothing like tv, that thing lies” Beau softly chuckled to himself and continued “I remember thinking Pogo sticks were the SHIT-cuz 'of people and cartoons on tv made it look so easy"

"I finally got enough money for one-- you were like little you probably don’t remember this-- but I was SO HYPED, I wanted mom to watch me. I took one hop, fell on my ass, and never hopped on that bitch again. I was pissed, I think mom was trying to her best not to laugh but I was so pissed I think I didn’t notice until now. I chucked the pogo stick in the garage, and I never looked at that bitch again”

Dev let out a stiff laugh, the defensive wall Dev put was slowly breaking

"Oh WAIT WAIT!” Beau said taking a moment to correct himself “ That WASN’T the last time the last time I looked that bitch, I fished it out of garage years later, only cuz’ I need some money for Madden. So, I did look at that bitch one more time, but only to sell that bitch.”

Dev let out a more audible laugh, but quickly caught himself and recollected, returned to his disillusioned teenage state.

"Anyway, The teacher's are kind of weird, like a lot of them hate my guts already, except for the coaches who are super nice to me." Dev explained, kind of looking away from his brother

"Weird, why do you think that is?" Beau asked whole hearty

"Because I'm related to you, Numb skull!" Dev blunted , groaning putting his hand on his forehead

"Oh damn, I guess that's my fault." Beau realized, rubbing the back of his neck "My bad. that my awesomeness is just lengardy"

Dev shook his head and rolled his eyes "It's not awesome to live in YOUR shadow!" Dev sulked, sinking back into his chair, his hands covering his face.

"You don't have to follow in my awesomeness, I know I'm a hard act to follow." Beau boasted teastingly so"You just gotta make your own awesomeness."

"What does that even mean?" Dev questioned, moving his hands down, allowing his eyes to peek through his fingers, trying not to given the urge to roll his eyes

"It's like my awesomeness comes from my boyish charm and good looks..." Beau claimed, striking an award winning smile, The urge not to roll his eyes was becoming even hard for Dev, but he still had to try and respect Beau "But your awesomeness could come from being good at games, or computers shit or math or robots or something--I don't know something real nerdy"

"I guess, you're right" Dev mumbled and shrugged,lifting himself up back into a sitting position rather than almost spilling out of his chair.

"Its not a guess, its science!" Beau declared proudly, tapping his temple with his index finger

"No,that's not science!" Dev arguing his brother's stupidity, flatly shaking his head in disagreement

"See, there you go using your nerd awesomeness" Beau pointed out with a wink "Keep that up and you'll go from Beau's lil bro, to just ‘Dev’ in no time." Beau playful tousled Devs mop dirty blonde hair

"I mean.." Dev continued batting his brother's hand away, "I was also thinking of joining the video game club or the robotics club at school."

"There you go another nerdy thing that to add to your own awesomeness" Beau said

"Yeah...." Dev continued ignoring his brother's comment' “Some of my friends are thinking about joining, and it would be a nice place to go away from mom and dad."

"I had sick memories of hanging out with the team, we got into some wild shit." Beau said laughing to himself, fondly reminiscing "But I'm sure you and you geek squad could have "wild" times too, like making an anime robot 'weify." or whatever those called or finding a new math formula or something"

Dev fell quiet for another moment, Beau always seems like he’s in between being supportive and subtly roasting him, Dev then uttered "um... I think I kind of have a crush... on a girl..."

"AYE, let's go! "Beau exclaimed, clapping and shaking Dev's chair for a bit before bouncing back on the bed'' Come on, don't leave me hanging, what's her name? "Have you talked to her vet? Have you asked her out? Have-"

"Calm down!" Dev demanded "I said I had a crush, I didn't say we’re going out.'"

"Oh, so you haven’t talked to her, huh?”

"No, I-I don't even know her name" Dev huffed, he let his arms slip into his oversize sleeves and covered his sleeves with his face in frustration.

"You know you could just ask, not the chick, like just ask around"

"I can't do that because if I do, people will find out I like her and if she finds out, I would just have to stop going to school!”

"Okay, let’s just pretend you DO have the balls to talk to this girl, what's the worst that could happen?" Beau suggested

"She finds out that I like her, thinks I'm weird and never wants to talk to me again or even look at me!” Dev muffled through his sleeved covered face

"You really think she can sus that out all in one go!" Beau said "I mean she is a middle Schooler unless she's like a young nancy drew, she is not going to chew you up and spit out like that." Beau explained "speaking of which''

Beau paused for a moment to spit out his gum into the trash can "Score!"

"Anyways, have you done anything weird to her or around her?"

"No, I mean I look at her in the hallways before and in between class, but I don't like-- stalk her or anything too weird." Dev mumbled, moving his sleeves from his face, but his head was still targeted down at his fingers fiddling with a tag on his black shorts

"So, then what's the fear?" Beau inquired, resting his chin on the heel of his palm

Dev thought for a moment, his eyes shifting looking for an answer." I-I guess I just don't know how to talk to her."

"Well, fuck, that's easy" Beau chuckled “Just talk about school shit, or just say "hi"

"Is it really that easy?"

"Yeah, if you have the balls for it" Beau reiterated "Think about it like this, the dudes you play in your little nerd games have to fight a dragon, a demon or some anime witch with huge melons to talk to the girl they like and they er brave enough to do all of that wacky shit. But you’re lucky, you don't have a dragon for real in your way to keep you talking from your crush. The dragon's just in your head! If those hero dudes can fight dragons they actually can see, doesn't that mean you can fight a dragon you don't even see."

"That was a really lame and kind of confusing metaphor" Dev sassed " But I guess understand what your trying to say"

"Exactly" Beau said nodding confidentiality

"Can we talk about mom and dad?" Dev asked sheepishly, looking up at his brother, (well as much as he could with his shaggy bangs in the way), his fingers now toying with his hoodie strings

"Did something happen?"

"No, I mean yeah, I mean it's just weird" Dev said "Mom and dad are starting to get more annoying but I don't know if they were always like that or they like charged"

"No, parents don't really change-usually” Beau explained “It's just that being a teenager makes you hypersensitive to a bunch of shit and makes you wanna be alone more. Parents, the good ones like spending time with their kids and they actually want quality time n' shit and that's where they start to get annoying".

“"Oh okay,” Dev nodded.'' It's just weird because sometimes I feel like I hate them, but I don't want to. I think I just really want to be alone more like you said but I don't want to shut them out, I just want them to get that." Dev-fiddles with the strings of his green hoodie

"Yeah, I think they do in a weird old people kind of way. Believe it or not they were teenagers to even if that was back in the stone age n' shit" Beau joke"

Dev let out an actual laugh, a sign to Beau that he's little bro was being less of a moody teenager

"Anyway, even with that said mom and david-I mean dad aren't mind readers, it would be cool if you give them a heads up, you don't have to tell them all about what's going on in your little teen nerd brain but at least something simple like something weird or funny that happened at school, or asking for help on homework or a project for class or some shit like that, I'm pretty sure Dav-dad would love that.."

"I guess I could try". Dev said slightly nodding his head "But Carrie is kind of weird too!

"How can Carrie be weird, she's 5.” Beau scoffed "she doesn't do anything weird really"

Dev added" it's just sometimes she's regular cute and other times she's annoyingly cute if that makes sense"

"I mean like kind of get what you're saying but "Beau shrugged gesturing his hand toward prompting Dev to continue

"Like I still look out for her because she little, but because she's little that means I have to do dumb stuff like look for monsters under her bed or do that sleep shuttle thing you do, but I can't really do it because my arms give out halfway through and she's heavier than she looks."

"Well, little brothers and sisters are annoying, it's kind of their job, trust me I know from experience" Beau: put his hand on Dev's knee, Dev tried to Swat at it but Beau quickly put his hand back with a smirk.

"But like with mom and da-David just cuz she's annoying doesn't mean You can’t look out for her n stuff"

"I guess, its because lately, it seems like'' Dev paused 'for a beat, his hands hard gripping the strings of his hoodie, before continuing" I don't know mom and dad have been paying more attention to her than me"

A mischievous smile creeps across his face. "AW does someone miss being the baby?"'

"Oh, fuck! I knew you 'er gonna say that!" Dev blurted out, feeling really exposed, he pulled his hoodie strings allowing his head to be consumed by his hoodie, all but his nose.

"Hey! language,” Beau said, surprised at his little brother's reaction those harsh words coming out of the mouth of small boy sporting a Yoshi hoodie

"You cuss' all the time!" Dev huffed pulling his hoodie back down, then crossing his arm definitely

"Yeah, but I'm older than you, and if mom and David--DAD hear you curse they’er gonna know you got it from me and won't get off my ass about it!"

Dev stared at his brother, simmering in frustration in failing to coming up w/a good come back or a flaw in his brother's logic, He let out a heavy sigh and resumed "Anyways, it's NOT like I miss being the baby, I just miss being able to hold their attention without Carrie coming in and stealing them anyway, I don't know its weird"

"Wait, did you just say that you wanted to be alone and away from mom and David-fuck. I'm not even gonna try more-he's asleep anyways." giving up any attempt to make the word "Dad" same with the name "David"

"Yeah, I know that's what makes it weird!" Dev admitted, he sulked back deeper into his chair and let out a groan.

"You know Carrie's not awake all the time, maybe you can talk to mom and David, when she goes down for her nap, hell, I could just take her to the park for a day." Beau offered

"You'd really do that for me?" Dev peeped, quickly lifting himself up in a sitting position, surprised at his brother kind offer

"Yeah, anything to make you less of a weird angsty shut in, with a bunch of cringy keep out signs and keep out tape!" Beau gestured towards the door

"Actually, I got that caution tape from a real crime scene" Dev clarified, with a smug smile

"Really?" Beau taking a longer closer look at the door

"No, thick head, I found it in a dumpster next to party city!"

"You go dumpster diving?" Beau said, raising an eyebrow

"I have a life outside of YOU!" Dev stated proudly

"Okay, and on that... Weird garbage goblin flex, sibling bonding time is over." Beau said getting up from the bed and heading for the door

"Actually, one more thing..." Beau said quickly, turning around, rushing towards Dev, putting him into a headlock.

"Did ya miss me? Come on, tell me that you missed me!" Beau taunted as he gave his brother a long and through noogie "Ouch, Ow, Ow, Okay, okay, I missed You. Geez:" Dev pleaded trying to struggle out of his brother's grip

"That's what I wanted to hear!" Beau said with a smirk, letting 'Dev go.

"Ugh! my hair" Dev fumed , gawking at his even more messy mop of hair.

"Like you care about appearances" Beau chuckled" mop top nerd!"

"Mullet-hair metal meathead!"

"Ouch, that was pretty good" Beau teased pretending to look hurt "Garbage Goblin"

"You already-"Dev started but was cut off by Beau closing the door

"Too late, the door is closed, I can't hear you, which means I win!" Beau said through the door, laughing at his brother's muffled fury of frustration.

Beau grinned relishing in the absolute confusion of his younger brother, but that good vibe quickly faded once he arrived at the door to his old bedroom. He just stood there and stared at the door for a bit, he could feel the icky stew of the emotions from bubbling back up again.

He flexed his hand a few times as if this was the first time he's ever pored a door, Beau's hand reached for the door handle before retracted as if the knob was red hot.

Beau sheepishly looked around as if somebody was watching him, no one was but it sure did feel like it. He considered sleeping on the couch, but that would be weird, since it seemed like his step dad put his luggage in his room. so, eventually he would have to go into his room anyway.

Beau took a deep breath. "Come on, it's just a door, dude!" He told himself Beau's hand rested on the door knob, he took another deep, his hand gained a stronger grip, and he slowly pushed the door open, Beau carefully entered the room as he closed the door behind him. Looking around the room was plaster with posters of football players and a few pinups of doe-eye, sensual women in swimsuits and other scantily clad outfits.

Athletic medals, trophies and awards displayed proudly on his bookshelf that lacked any actual books, those trophies stood next to pictures of Beau with his teammates, all illuminated by the moon's dull pale blue light. These relics of what felt like a bygone era used to fill Beau with so much pride and joy but looking at them now just leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

He could barely even recognize himself in those photos. This whole room felt like a shrine or more like a tomb to someone who no longer exists.

Looking at all this stuff just made the icky feelings from before rise up to the back of his throat making the bad taste linger even longer.

Beau couldn't really pin what-these feelings were, so he shifted his focus on just getting some sleep

As he thought, Beau's step dad put his luggage on his bed. He opened his bag and quickly changed into a white tank top and some grey sweatpants. He fished out the mix tape from his jean jacket and put into the gray clucky music player on his nightstand. Beau turns the music up loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough for disturb anyone else. Heavy metal music (ironally) helped him sleep on hard nights.

Beau laid in bed focusing on the one spot in his room that wasn't decorated with high school memorabilia. Focusing on that spot was way better than focusing on the icky feelings from earlier. All he needed to was focus on sleep just sleep, Beau closed his eyes and tried to focus on just sleep.

The next time Beau opened his eyes, he was back in the hallway of his highschool. Beau looked around confused why he was back here but before he could really sus out the situation, his thoughts were interrupted by a loud thud. He followed the sound of the thud that led to a scene of a bespectacled student being shoved up against the lockers. The student's face contorted by fear.

"P-please, d-don't hurt me. "the student uttered, the words quivering as it left his lips.

"Aww, look at him, guys." a familiar voice said, Beau couldn't see whom the voice belonged to. There was a strange mist in the hallway that obscured the person's face.-

"He's scared." the voice said mockly, the person nodded towards a group of people whose faces were also obscured by the mist, they laughed in response

“Don't worry, little buddy, I'm not gonna hurt ya:" the person taunted as he tightened his grip on the student and shoved his body up against the failing student. "As long as you don't squeal" .

"You squeal, and I'll fry you like the pig you are, got it. Swine?"

"I-I p-promise I W-won't. J-just please let me go!" the student begged

Beau was disturbed by scene happening before him, but along with the feel of disgust came a feeling of familiarity, like he's been there before

Just then the fog lift to reveal the face of a younger version of Beau dawned in his red “New Burny High school” letterman jacket. He was smirking relish in the fear he was inflicting on the poor student.

Older Beau slowly back up, almost stumbling as he was coming to the realization of the origin of all those icky feelings from before

"I don't know, do we trust him, guys?" Younger beau asked cocking his head back to his teammates, who shook their head in disagreement "The Boys and I don't seem very sure of that, I think I'm gonna have to test your loyalty !" Younger Beau winded up his arm for a punch, But before his fist could make an impact.

Beau found himself back in his room in a cold sweat, hyperventilating as quickly rose from his bed. His room, still illuminated by the moonlight, with the metal mix tape softly playing in the background. He looked at his hand as if they were lethal weapons. How could I do such a thing?

[detroitbecomeyandere]

You AREN'T shitty for thinking that way, I have the same views. I wish you well and if your brother wants to go, he can GO by himself. Guilt tripping your Mom to try and make you go? I say that's worthy of being cut out of your life or low contact at least, why try and force someone to go? Dick move.

I feel less shitty now that I know someone else feels like I do about it. Thank you anon it really does make me feel better that you sent this

My brother is coming from the place of "I don't want to have any regrets when they die" and he and I have gotten into arguments about him keeping toxic people in his life. For a few years he thought I was in the wrong for not wanting them in my life and even said he was a better person than I was because he forgives them for what they did. After nearly a 5 hour argument he finally understood that yes I have forgiven them but that doesn't mean I'm going to let them back into my life, because one toxic person can destroy you. He and I have a lot of differences and he's apologized for what he said. I think he sees it differently because he didn't go through the same kind of abuse I did and he doesn't remember as much of it as I do.

I plan on talking with him tomorrow on the whole thing, he's the only brother I have contact with so I'd like to talk through things with him before losing him. My other two brothers don't even speak to me, my twin and I haven't spoken in 7 years now and my older brother and I never got along. So I'd like to try and make things work with my younger brother.

[addictofsupernatural]

Emotions (pt. 5)

Billy Hargrove x reader

Summary: Billy and y/n go to prom together, but some people and things get in the way of the two.

Word Count: 2047

Chapter 1 • Series Masterlist • Chapter 6

"Guess where we're going."

You stared at the paper, frowning. "I've never been to one of these before. It's not on the list."

He flashed you a grin, pulling out your folded up bucket list from his pocket. At the bottom he scribbled the words prom together in marker. "Sure it is. What do you say?"

You stood, holding Billy's hand. He stood as well, and the two of you went to your room. You sat down on your bed and sighed. "That's a lot of people Billy. I don't know how I'll do with a big crowd."

He sat next to you. "What do you mean sweetheart?"

"Everybody's going to stare at me. It bothers me when it's a lot of people."

"Why do you think they'll stare at you? Is it because wearing a dress makes you a lot more cuter?" He teased.

You began to play with his hair while resting your head on his shoulder. "You attract a lot of attention, which isn't a bad thing. It's because you're so pretty, but people look at me funny when we're together. It makes me feel weird about myself."

Billy felt a pang of guilt and sorrow. Though you didn't realize it, you basically told him you feel insecure standing next to him. "Sweetheart, never be embarrassed about yourself. You're pretty damn gorgeous if you ask me, and it takes a pretty person to know a pretty person. So go find yourself a cute dress, and get ready for prom in two days. I'll be your date."

"I've never had a date before." You quietly said.

"Well, you got a pretty handsome first date. You must be special or something." He playfully nudged you.

You giggled. "Something like that."

Once he left, Mike walked into your room. "Hey, so, I know that I always talk crap about Billy Hargrove for being a man whore, but really. Be careful. Even though you're an ass most of the time, I still care about you."

You smiled. "Thanks Mike."

Joyce was more than happy to take you dress shopping, after she heard about the prom from Hopper complaining about it. You got a shoulderless, flowy dark blue dress and styled your hair the way Billy likes it.

There was a knock at the door, and Eleven answered to reveal Billy, in a black suit with a dark blue tie. Max was behind him, and shoved past him to get to El. Billy shook his head and huffed while walking inside, where Hopper looked him up and down. "Just, home by 10. Please. And no bad stuff." Billy smiled and nodded.

You walked out of your room, and Billy was blown away. Damn, you were just too sexy for your own good. You walked up to Billy, smiling as he gently grabbed your arm and put a blue corsage on your wrist. He took your hand and the two of you walked out of the house in silence. "So damn beautiful." Billy whispered into your ear before he opened the car door for you.

When he got inside, you immediately reached over to him and gave him a hug. "You're so perfect Billy."

He hugged you back. "Just trying to live up to you sweetheart." He paused. "Could you actually do me a favor?"

You pulled back and gave him a smile that cause him to unconsciously lick his lips. "Anything."

"Could you give me one of those little braids that you did when you were at my house?"

You giggled. "Sure Billy." He scooped you up into his lap, telling you to continue. You shook your head, smiling wider. "Such a charmer."

When you got there, the two girls in front handed you a ballet. "Vote for prom king and queen!"

You both looked at it. "Huh." Was all Billy said.

"Why are our names on it?" You asked.

"Guess people think we look cute together." Billy said, with his head on your shoulder. You looked back at him, and he looked up at you, grinning.

The two of you had fun together. You laughed, you danced, you took pictures. Though Billy didn't show it, this wasn't something he really wanted to do. He wanted to get you dressed up and make you feel special, but he didn't like how many eyes where on you two, or that the music was too loud to talk to each other. But he made you feel special, and you were a potential prom queen. He knew he would make you feel amazing, so it's worth it.

When they called for the king and queen candidates, it was no surprise to you that Billy would win. He looked back to you, giving you a smile and a shrug. You gave him a thumbs up in return, flashing him a grin. "And the winner for this year's Hawkins prom is... Heather Halloway!"

You smiled and clapped. Though you had to admit that it would feel like a fairy tale if you and Billy were king and queen together, you didn't really think you'd win. It's not like people like you, so why would they vote for you. But still, you were very happy for Billy to get his crown.

Billy's smile was wiped clean off when they announced Heather as the winner. She excitedly got her tiara and was immediately on Billy when they had to take a picture together. Right before the flash, she turned his head and gave him a kiss on the lips. He looked over to you, who was watching this happen and walked into the crowd, where he couldn't see you.

Shit. Shit shit shit! Why did you see that?! He didn't want the kiss. He didn't want her. He wanted you! Where were you now? You didn't leave, did you?Shit!

You walked over to the beverage table, where you saw Jonathan in an old light brown suit chaperoning. "Well, I didn't think I'd see you here." You said with a smile.

He looked up and smiled. "Yeah, right back at you. You look nice."

"Thanks. And you look very handsome in that suit." He let out a breath and looked down. "Need community service hours?"

He playfully scoffed. "Why else would I be here?" You giggled. "So, why are you here?"

"Oh, I'm here with Billy."

"Um, Billy Hargrove?" You smiled and nodded. "Isn't he, like, a lady's man or something?"

You smiled and shrugged. "We're actually just friends. Believe it or not he doesn't make moves like that on me. He's just playful with me, is all."

He nodded in response. "So, where is he now?"

"He was voted prom king, so right now he's dancing with his queen." Your smile became a little more forced.

"You like him, don't you?" There was no disgust or judgement in his voice like anyone else; only pure curiosity.

You put your finger to your lips with a smile. "Shh. I know someone shouldn't have a crush on their best friend, but sometimes you just can't help it."

"Yeah, I get that." He nodded, to which you made a face. He noticed. "Try to be nicer to Nancy. She's different from everyone else."

"If you say so." You shrugged. "I just don't like some of things she says and does." Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck. "Your mom was amazing, by the way. For taking me to pick out the dress."

"Yeah. Even though she's a little tomboyish, she really liked it. It's something that she can't really do with her sons, y'know?"

You let out a fake gasp and held his hand. "Don't talk about yourself like that! I'm sure she would love to go dress shopping with you, if that's what you want." The two of you laughed together.

As Billy went searching for you after the dance, he found you grabbing another guy's hand and laughing with him. Billy figured that he deserved that, considering he had another girl pressed up on him for almost 5 minutes. He crept up behind you and grabbed your arms. "Boo." He whispered in your ear.

You jumped, turning around and smiling so brightly. "Hey Billy. Congrats. Feeling like a king?"

"Feeling like I got the wrong queen." He said, taking your hand. "C'mon."

You looked at Jonathan. "Don't tell Nancy, please. I don't want to hear it." Jonathan only nodded.

Billy pulled you away, and another slow song started playing. You loosely put your arms on his shoulders when he grabbed your wrists and wrapped them tighter around his neck. Smiling, you watched him wink at you before putting his hands on your hips. "I didn't want her to kiss me, by the way. She just did."

You nodded lightly. "You don't have to explain yourself Billy."

"I know, but friends don't lie, right?" You chuckled and nodded. "Speaking of which, who was that?"

"Oh, Jonathan? He's the brother of one of El's friends. He's pretty nice, but he hangs around a girl that I don't like."

He hummed. "And here I thought you were kind and adorable to everybody."

"Mm. I'm only adorable to you. Anyways, she's got a boyfriend, Steve Harrington, and–"

"Ugh, King Steve," Billy interjected. "Don't see how he'd ever land any girl."

You laughed. "He's not that bad anymore. He's nice now. He treats me normally, so that's something." Billy made a tsk at that. "Anyways. She strings him along like a little puppy, even though it's obvious that she doesn't like him like that anymore. But she also leads Jonathan on and keeps him with her at all times. I just feel like she wants the best of both worlds, and that'll end up hurting both."

"What's so special about that girl? She got beer-flated nipples or something?" You both laughed.

"Excuse me." Heather said, grabbing your shoulder. "Can I cut in?"

"No." Billy said.

"Billy, you always play hard to get." She smiled. "Let's dance. Don't you want to dance with a real queen?"

Before Billy could say anything, you said, "How about after the song is over, hm?" She gave you a dirty look, but nodded and left. Billy looked at you miserably. So you did get the wrong impression. You pressed yourself against Billy and whispered in his ear. "Let's get out of here." He grinned. Or maybe you know him better than he thought?

The two of you then got fast food and brought it back to his house, considering Neil was on a business trip for a few days. You both sat on the floor and ate while watching TV and talking. You were sitting in between his legs and leaned on him. "I love this movie!" Was what you said before falling silent to watch Back to the Future.

Billy's mind began to wander to places they shouldn't. He thought about how your chest was snug in your dress, and how looking down at you gave him the perfect view. He thought of your soft hair that lay on your bare shoulders. He thought about your skin, looking so soft and calling for his touch. His mind wondered to how your head was tilted, almost like you wanted him to kiss your neck.

Billy cursed himself for thinking like that. You were friends, he shouldn't be thinking that way about you. What would you do if you found out about the ways he thought about you sometimes. What would you say? Would you still want to be friends? He unintentionally jumped a bit when you turned around. You gave him a bright smile. "Why are you staring at me?"

"You're just so damn perfect, my mind can't help but wander." He breathed out. He didn't think before he said that, but it was out now.

Your smile faded as your eyes flickered from his eyes to his lips. You then said in a quiet voice, "If you get romantic feelings towards your best friend, what do you do?"

Billy felt a surge of confidence as he took your face in his hands and went for a kiss. Billy has kissed lots of girls before, but it was never like this. It was never slow and sweet. It was never this kind of passionate. It was never as special as this.

He felt the warmness of your hands as they slid up his chest. As Billy pulled back, he saw you open your eyes and give him a beautiful smile. "I got a crush on my best friend too sweetheart." He said.

You wrapped your arms around his neck loosely. "So, what happens now?"

One arm snaked around your neck to hold you close to him. "Now I get to take you on romantic dates, and be around each other more, and make out and shit."

You giggled. "So it's how we are usually, but closer?"

He chuckled as he admired your happy glow. "Oh, pretty girl."

"Handsome boy."

"Your handsome boy."

"Your pretty girl."

---

Tag List:

@roxytheimmortal @shane-isa-shame @actuallyazriel @tanovic54321 @chipster-21 @jula-bear @ellie2468 @sassysmiles @frozenhuntress67

[valkerymillenia]

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 7

More thoughts and live blogged reactions.

1982. I'm assuming Five used a briefcase... But in s1 we saw that the briefcase travels are tracked (Hazel and Cha-Cha got reprimanded for Klaus's Vietnam trip) so I'm not sure how the board doesn't know someone is coming... I might be overthinking.

Five being creepy.

Is that a Fudge Nutter like Handler mentioned in season 1? Oh, it is.

Jesus, Five! Anger management for you, old man.

AAHH! THEY LET FIVE SAY FUCK! Fucking finally! 🤣

How did nobody notice that destruction? 😆

Oh, the axe! Is Five going to go all American psycho? Because I'd love to see that.

HOLY SHIT!

That smile!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

Is he using tiny time travel bursts like Reggie said? Or a briefcase? Or is he just that fast?

AJ hiding under the table 😆

Pausing to drink water and grin, what a psycho, I love him.

He's definitely using time jumps but they are so controlled that I'm guessing briefcase or Handler little time stopping trick. I'm so proud of my mass murder baby.

... Vending machine? Lady, you have interesting priorities.

CRICKET BAT!

Wait! AJ's human body feels pain? How?

Please make Five swallow the fish like in the comics! Please, please, please, please.

The dancers are just like

I LOVE FIVE! The lengths this little killer will go for his family are unbelievable, nobody should ever doubt his love and devotion for them ever again.

This whole murder scene was incredible and Five's obvious glee made it even better. FEAR HIM!

Jesus, Klaus is so afraid of being possessed that he's afraid to sleep and Ben just mocks him? 😘💋 I get that this is supposed to be a funny 'brothers messing with each other' kind of thing but Klaus feels so unsafe that it makes me uncomfortable. What happened to you, Ben, when did you become so dark? You were the nice one!

Ben just getting closer and closer every time Klaus closes his eyes just gave me Doctor Who flashbacks.

"I hate your face" "I hate all of you" - Don't say that boys! You know you love each other.

Ok, Ben has a point. I'm actually liking this conversation. And I'm liking that Klaus is starting to understand his brother.

Ok, this is such a brother conversation. And Klaus constantly pretending not to know who Jill is 😆

Ground rules... Well, at least it's consensual now. That's something. See? Communication works.

Damn, the tension at the lunch table cut be cut with a knife. I'm scared what Carl is going to do.

Ray and Allison have a lovely relationship but I finally identified the problem, the tension I was feeling between since them a few eps back. It's not about Allison's secrets at all, is about Ray being so obsessed with his crusade that he completely overlooks Allison's feelings, he only pays attention to her when they are on the page about the mission. He sees her powers and his first thought is 'we could use this for the cause', Allison is clearly distressed and sad and even says she doesn't feel well and all he can think about is the damn JFK meeting. He's not a bad person and he's not doing it on purpose but he has a workaholic one-track mind that could easy turn into neglect for Allison. He clearly loves her and I'm rooting for them so much but I know that if asked to choose between Allison and his cause, he'll pick his cause.

So Five is done with the killing. I figured this might weigh on his conscience, it's one thing to kill for a greater good or survival, coldly and detached, it's another thing to slaughter for selfish reasons (even if his selfish reasons are a greater good).

Handler going all mom on him and wiping his face. 😆

"What I did today, I did for my family" -we know, baby, and they better respect you for it. You love then so much.

90 minutes??? Wtf, I knew Handler would try to screw Five over but that's just cruel, she's forcing him to uproot the family without even giving them time to say goodbye and that's even IF he can get to all of them on time.

It's not a name, you idiots. Also, that's Olga, not öga.

Don't harass the poor woman... Oh God, you guys are such morons... Diego, you dramatic little bitch...

"Wrong number. Have a lovely day" 🤣🤣🤣

I love the new dumbass buddy cop dynamic between Diego and Luther. This is the sort of positive brotherly dynamic they always should have had instead of being pitted against each other all their lives.

"you have some blood on you" "a lot of blood, actually. Five, what did you do?" -the casual, mildly annoyed way they ask is hilarious, if they knew what he did they'd be horrified (and possibly impressed).

Handler's militaristic chic dress is fabulous. I personally don't like it very much (or the message it sends) but it's haute couture and incredibly designed. Also, the bleached hair is back!

"any questions?" And then she leaves without listening. Power move 😏

Luther trying to comfort Diego like the dork he is. 🤣

Really though, I feel bad for Diego, and Five is under so much pressure that I don't blame him for snapping.

"I'm shy" -are you, Klaus? Are you really? You keep walking around in underwear in front of dozens of people, you're not shy.

So is Klaus lactose intolerant?

Ok, so far the possession thing is not as bad as some people were claiming. So far.

"stay focused" *giggle* -oh Ben, you dork 😆

Ahah, Ben enjoying all the different sensory stimuli. Adorable. He's just so happy, poor boy.

Dirt angels. SO CUTE ❤️

I know this all supposed to be cute and all but it would also be a perfect moment for Ben for experience Klaus's powers (the constant hauntings) as well as his addiction and the claustrophobic expectations of the cult. It would be an excellent chance to make Ben understand why Klaus is the way he is, seeing as Klaus is making a huge effort (and sacrifice) to do the same for Ben. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening because I think they want to keep this part about Ben.

By end of season 1 Klaus cried that people still didn't take him seriously, his compassion despite all his suffering made him likeable and deep, but this season he's back to being the family joke, I don't like that there's no resolution to that. But let's see where this goes, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Oh God, Carl's talk is freaking me out.

"who I am is not a disease" -very powerful LGBT+ statement considering it's the 60s!!!!

Oh, the blackmail...

Everybody keeps expecting Vanya to explode every time she gets emotional but this scene proves how much control she truly has. Respect!

Oh, finally Claire is mentioned! I've been rather upset that Allison hasn't mentioned her daughter even once this season (does Ray even know he has a stepdaughter?) seeing as most of her arc in season 1 revolved around her love and guilt over Claire.

Luther is right when he says they don't get live formal lives because they are special but Allison is even more right when she says that's not fair. This is why this family needs to stick together and love each other, they are the only ones that can really understand each other's struggles.

"hope" -Luther, you really are such a sweet summer child.

OH! I CAN FINALLY SEE ALLISON'S SCAR! The lighting in this scene makes it really obvious. Finally.

Ben and the strawberry. 🤣

"you're different today. You're dorkier" ah! First time anyone called Ben 'Sassy' Hargreeves dorky.

Oh Ben, you're adorable... Wait, "smell your hair"? What the fuck, Ben? You weirdo.

Holy crap! Jill is really forward, isn't she? Hippies, man.

Ben stuttering! 😆🤣 He died a virgin, didn't he?

It's funny but please tell me he isn't actually considering that in his brother's body...

Wait, did Klaus slap him because he doesn't want to have sex or because he's trying to stop Ben from ruining his own chance by saying too much?

Actually, I'm almost sure it's the second one, Klaus is playing wingman on his own body!

WHAT????

Ok so Ben IS a virgin but "you, me and Keechie"? What the fuck, Klaus? You slept with the fanatical crybaby and your brother's crush????

"Klaus, you're so filthy!" "Yes, you are, daddy." -Ben, this girl is not right for you. Run, boy!

AHAHAHAH ASDFGDDGGHSGSGASFHDBKDIS 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 DIEGO CALLING HIM DADDY!

Wait, AJ can speak without the body/suit/whatever?

Handler is going a little bit fascist dictator, isn't she?

Gotta admit, Handler really is such a mom in her own twisted way.

Ben giggling when he talks to Diego. Cute.

"Luther sniffs Dad's underwear" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

AWWWWWWWW, BEN AND DIEGO! THE CHILDHOOD HIJINKS! THE HUG!

GOD, THE HUG! ❤️

I need all the siblings hugging Ben now!

"you stay in this body, we need someone responsible behind the wheel" -Diego, I understand what you mean given the situation, but you playing obvious favorites between your brothers when free will and body autonomy are on the line is a little creepy.

"no one is insignificant" -that line is so loaded when used on Vanya.

Oh no, Vanya and Five playing the blame game is so bad... They used to be so close... They are both under so much pressure, this won't end well.

Oh boy, Five looks like he's on the verge of crying and Vanya sees that! I bet that's why she backed down. 😲😢

The Lila and Diego conversation is heartbreaking without even trying...

Is that Elliot? Is Diego burying Elliot because nobody else will? Diego really does have a heart of gold.

Don't drinkit! I'm pretty sure Lila is drugging you.

Yup, there it is.

What is she planning?

Once again, it's all about the movement with Ray.

"I would take my one year with you over a lifetime with anybody else." 😭 Oh Ray ❤️

But I get the feeling this won't end so easily.

There it is, the Swedes just arrived. And the smart assholes went right for Allison's throat.

You don't need the coffee can, Sissy. The Hargreeves are loaded.

Sissy, hurry up.

BEN, YOU ARE SUCH A 90s KID!!! So the Backstreet Boys are Ben's fault, God, I love this dork 🤣

Come on, Allison, you can fight better than this!

Good girl!

Klaus and Ben running and fighting each other at the same time 😆

Holy shit, that is some Exorcist level vomiting!

Poor Klaus, I totally get Ben's side in this (pretty sure he was trying to save Klaus by getting him to Five ASAP) but this whole thing made me mildly uncomfortable. Klaus just keeps sacrificing for everyone and nobody respects his boundaries.

Holy shit, Allison! That is so cruel! I like it though, so ruthless and vicious. 😈

Problem- Allison can't just leave Ray with a white corpse in the house. Especially not in Texas, death penalty and all.

Oh Sissy, you dumbass. You're a sweetheart but also a dumbass.

Ok, Lila is pretty insane. That's for sure.

Five:

"I don't want to hurt you" - well, Vanya warned them.

My baby is getting really good with her powers.

I hope that hit to the head doesn't give Vanya her memory back, that's so cliché and convenient, or would be really bad writing.

SHIT IS HITTING THE FAN. I'm dying to see more!!!!!!

[lovethisletters]

Hi! Again I must say: I’m sorry for taking so long, things got complicated but now I have little bit of time…besides I’m wery picky with translations (as you would see in a moment). Anyway, I was very much excited for and while writing this, since I found myself to be very fond of Faith and her relationship with Tim (they’re the cutest) so I tried my best!

Ps: The title of “Refuge” doesn’t have that much relevance in this scenario, is just the title of the song I was listening to while writing this (I think it describes perfectly how Tim’s and Faith relationship might evolve); in case you listen to it but aren’t really familiar with spanish language, here it is subtitled! But there’s minor errors on the translation:

1.     "Eres como el sol caliente y yo soy marte" wich means "You're like the warm sun and I'm like mars".

2.     "Soy desordenado cuando quiero" the word quiero/querer in spanish can mean several things, normally indicating the yearning of something in a possesive (I want this to myself) or romantic (like: I love you)/aspirational (like: I want to become a writer) way (depends on context) so the most adecute in this case will be "I'm sloppy when I am in love" not "when I want" here is a little deffinition. 

3.     The most correct wording in "let me be, I'll help you" would be in fact: "Let me, I will help you".

 Pairing: Faith O’Neal (@insideoflit OC) x Tim Drake

Summary: Faith is tormented by her past to the point of being unable to sleep and have an anxiety attack, so Tim helps her get through it.

♡♤♡♤♡♤♡♤

 12:22 am

...

1:18 am

...

2:48 am

...

3:04 am

Her head registered every digit drawn on the clock next to his bed, counting every time she woke up;  but something within herself knew that I'd had been more than just 4. Her eyes weighed, but her mind did not stop, she kept thinking ... remembering and everything at the worst moment.

Maybe it had been 5 or at most 8 nights in a row without being able to sleep completely, but in fact, she really didn't remember the last time she had slept peacefully.  Months or even years ago?

She only knew that the situation had gone from bad to worse ...

What she thought was a simple period of insomnia which would most likely disappear a week later, became part of his routine, which had stopped bothering her a long time ago: intrusive thoughts, impossible variations in hidden memories and unanswered questions that would often come and go and multiplied in the dead of night.

And yet this time it was different ... it was a living nightmare.

The intrusive thoughts had quickly escalated and evolved to such extent that they now resonated aggressively, scratching the walls of his head, digging through everything she wanted to forget and shouting at her so that she could feel it in the depths of his being.

An imaginary pain that threatened to break his little head.

In.  That.  Exact.  Instant.

She felt his breath cut short at the thought of having to get used to all this, his chest full of emotions and an uncontrollable feeling of despair.

That's why she didn't think of anything other than running, rising abruptly from the bed, barely giving his brain time to process the situation;  she ran, as fast as his legs allowed her, she didn't care at all if they were going to break… she just wanted to escape from all that and ignore that past she had unintentionally remembered.

The smell of petricor invading her senses causing a feeling of anguish, seeing those memories instantly regain strength and torturing her in such a ruthless way...

—Hey! Be careful!— her thoughts abruptly interrupted to the feeling of his body collide and almost fall to the ground, if not thanks to the arm clinging to her waist preventing her fall.

—Are you ok?—Tim's eyes invaded by an expression of genuine concern, trying to search the answer to her irrational behaviour.

She was so immersed in her thoughts that she didn't even realize the moment she reached the garden and much less had noticed Tim standing in the middle of it…like some creepy scarecrow or something…

—I ...— His mind still not quite at the moment allowed for her words to float in the air in a sloppy way.

Tim looked at the girl carefully, trying to decipher what had put her in that state: her hair slightly disheveled by the gentle flushing of the wind, a cold sweat running down her forehead, eyes flushed, her pajamas had gotten a little dirty  due to his small race in the humidity of the night and his bare feet hugging the muddy floor.

—Come, you're going to get sick like this!— He reproached her gently trying not to overwhelm her as much as possible and guiding her back inside.

The living-room of the mansion was empty, wrapped in the cozy sound of silence; indicating the absence of most of its inhabitants.

Tim told Faith to sit by pointing at the couch with a slight nod, which she obeyed.

—Wait here—he ordered again, before disappearing down the hall that led to one of the many bathrooms and returning moments later with a pair of clean towels, leaving one of them over her head, with a small mischievous smile.

—Don't run like that, Faith, you could have slipped and gotten hurt…—He said kneeling in front of her, his hands on the towel shaking it slightly in an attempt to help her dry.

His calm voice hiding the reality of his restlessness.  She knew…knew she had worried him ... And that look only confirmed it, she had already seen it many times, maybe more than she should;  but it was something she could not avoid and that frustrated her greatly.

But Tim was always characterized by being perceptive and soon noticed the expression of guilt on Faith's face.

—Hey ... It’s ok—The Boy reassured by staring at her, still smiling, because he wanted her to really feel safe.

Tim knew that Faith had trouble sleeping, he knew perfectly the symptoms of insomnia: he had noticed the lights of her room stay on until dawn, dark circles highlighting her beautiful big eyes, her clumsy movements during the day, lack of concentration and had even once heard Bruce scolding her because of her teacher's multiple complaints accusing her of sleeping in class.

But she would never admit it… she "didn't want to be a bother"

Tim allowed himself to caress Faith's cheek, gently and delicately as if she were some kind of porcelain doll about to break.

—Do you want to talk about it?

Faith thought briefly before her eyes began to fill with tears that threatened to slip away.

—No, not really ...— A glimmer of guilt was noticeable in her response.

—It’s Okay. Don't feel like you have to—followed by those words, Tim felt the need to hug her;  his arms carefully surrounded Faith's small figure.

—Just know I'm always going to be here for you — his chin resting slightly on her head partially covered by the towel.

The tears that she had forced herself to hide, began to escape silently with an air of cynicism.

—Dammit— she cursed under her breath.

Noticing this, he quickly bent down again to wipe away her tears with his hands.

Faith was a strong, but stubborn person, many times denying herself the idea of ​​asking for help and this was no exception;  she didn't want Tim to see her that way, in her most vulnerable state;  but she also didn't want to leave, despite all the crying, she found Tim's company very much comforting.

So… she stood there, allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of other people for once in a really long time.

After a few minutes (maybe even more) when she had no more tears left, Tim spoke again.

—It's getting late, you should be asleep and unless Riddler is entertaining the bat, Bruce will be here at any minute and I don't want him to scold you for staying up so late, you have class tomorrow, right?

Faith nodded, releasing a small chuckle upon hearing Drake's motherly but bossy tone.

—Whatever you say, mom — emphasizing the word "mom" on a goofy manner.

He rolled the eyes pretending to be offended but without making the least of attempts to hide his own amusement.

—Go to your room, dummy!—

She raised her hands as if she were being arrested before turning around and running upstairs followed by Tim, who was also heading to his room.  However, something stopped her once she was standing in front of the door of her own room.

She didn't want to be alone ... at least not for tonight ...

A small knock on Tim's door caught his attention off of his monitors, at first he thought it was Alfred about to scold him like every other night for not sleeping or Damian who had arrived from patrol early and couldn't find Titus favorite chewing toy.

But no… there in the door frame stood Faith with a pillow under her arm and a slightly shy smile.

—You're supposed to be asleep.

—Right back at ya — she replayed quickly.

—I’m not the one who has to save his grades on algebra tomorrow, Faith—he said, reminding her of his test in the morning.

—Yeah, well… truth is… I can't sleep…

Her voice barely even believing herself.

—Can I… can I stay here? —Tim flushed wildly almost at the exact moment he heard those words come out of her mouth.

—I… Um.  Yeah  Yeah, sure — tripping on his own words he stepped clumsily into the side in order to let her in.

Tim's room was both a mess and incredibly clean… his desk was the messy part, probably because he spend a lot of his time glued to his computer to the point Alfred sometimes had to brake in and almost drag him outside to eat like a normal human  being instead of just feeding off of energy bars and coffee.

In comparison was the side of the bead, it was so clean. Everything looked almost brand new, since he barely slept and when he did it was just very quick naps before patrol.

—Make yourself comfortable— he signaled the bed before putting back on his headphones and to whatever he was doing.

—Aren't you going to sleep?— Faith asked as she settled between the sheets.

Tim was silent for a moment, trying to find an answer.

—Well ... maybe just for a little while…—

He finally spoke before joining Faith, keeping a adequate distance, which Faith quickly ignored by hugging him unexpectedly, burying his face in the boy's chest.

—Good night, Tim.—

Tim thanked the lights were off, otherwise Faith would have seen his face as red as a tomato.  The girl's touch was comforting and warm so he didn't think twice before reciprocating the hug and planting a small kiss on her head.

—Good night, Faith.

[cocastyle]

Mamma Mia - Chapter 6

Pairing - Tony Stark x reader, Steve Rogers x reader, Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count- 3,206

Warning- none

A/N- chapter 6 is now up! I hope you all are liking this story so far! comment who you think Y/N will end up with as of right now. I already have a plan but I want to know what you all think!

Intro Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

By the time Y/N remembered that she had a lot of things to fix around the hotel, her and her friends had all grown a little tipsy from the wine they had been drinking. Natasha, Pepper, and Wanda were in the middle of laughing about something when Y/N shot up from her seat, stumbling onto her feet.

"Oh, my God! I have so much to do. I'll be back. I've got to go fix some of the doors around here and I'm pretty sure someone told me this morning that there was a crack in my courtyard that I gotta go fix and-" Y/N continued to ramble faster and faster until Wanda stood up and put her hand on the girl's shoulders.

"Y/N, deep breaths," Wanda reminded the girl. Y/N nodded and took in a few deep breaths while Wanda continued to talk. "You need to calm down, relax for a minute. We haven't all been together in a long time, so just sit and talk for a few more minutes. You deserve the break."

"No, no, I can't," Y/N shook her head. "There's so much to do and I need to make sure that Alex's wedding is perfect and-" Before she could finish the sentence, Natasha, Pepper, and Wanda had all pulled the girl back down on the couch they had been sitting on.

"Sit down!" Pepper exclaimed while Natasha held the girl down on the couch. Y/N let out a laugh from the tipsiness and exclaimed, "Nat, let me go!" The red head ignored her while Wanda just chuckled as she sat down next to Pepper.

"Listen, Y/N," Pepper spoke up. "I know you're going to make a fortune with Peter’s website, but are you gonna be okay until then?"

"Ooo, I think Pepper is offering to pawn her bling," Natasha said, her eyes flickering to look at Y/N. "Now's your chance to become filthy rich in a matter of seconds," Wanda muttered jokingly. "I say the facial cream is the first to go," Natasha teased making Pepper roll her eyes.

"No, seriously, Y/N," Pepper said. "Oh, my God," Y/N muttered with a shake of her head, guilt washing over her as she realized that she must've been complaining a lot for her friend to think she needed help.

"Do you need a loan?" Pepper asked sincerely. "No, Pep. Oh, God no," Y/N said as she sat up and shook her head. "I'm just whining and complaining like always. I don't need to be taken care of."

"Yeah, but are you being taken care of?" Pepper asked. "I've got Wanda to keep me thinking straight and Alex and Peter are always helping out," Y/N said.

Pepper chuckled and shook her head, "That's not what I meant." "Then what do you mean?" Y/N questioned. Pepper glanced at the girl and smirked, "Are you getting any?"

Y/N blinked in surprise. Not wanting to answer the question, she sneakily got her drill out of her utility belt before saying, "Oh, you mean-" She then turned the drill on making Pepper jump back in surprise while Natasha and Wanda started laughing.

The seriousness of the situation instantly dissolved as the four friends started laughing. Once she knew her friends were laughing and she could joke about the situation despite it being serious to her, Y/N laughed and shook her head, "No, it takes too much energy."

"Yeah, just more plumbing to be maintained, isn't it?" Wanda asked. "Exactly," Y/N laughed. "Oh, God, I'm so glad that whole part of my life is over. You know, seriously. I do not miss it at all."

And while her friends continued to laugh, Y/N cleared her throat and chugged the rest of her wine.

- - -

"Then its just right here," Tony heard Alex say. He took his gaze off of the scenery to look at the young girl. He smiled slightly at how much she looked like Y/N before noticing the small building behind her, the building in which him and the two men he had met only a few hours ago were supposed to be staying in.

Alex stood near the door and smiled at them. Seeing that neither Steve or Bucky was going to make the first move, Tony offered the girl a smile back before walking into the building. Bucky sighed and followed after while Steve asked confused, "Where's Y/N?"

Tony and Bucky turned at that to see what the girl would say, but she ignored Steve and just gently pushed him into the building before closing the door. Alex then turned to them and pointed up at a small trap door in the ceiling. "Up you go," she muttered.

Tony glanced up and chuckled. This trip was turning out to be way different than he expected, but he didn't really care. He had grown used to the lavish lifestyle he had, so when he got to experience things like this where he was staying in an old barn with goats and two strangers, Tony took it more as an adventure and actually liked it.

Judging from the looks on Bucky and Steve's faces, they thought the opposite.

Tony went upstairs first, smiling slightly as a chuckle escaped his lips from the sight of three deflated air mattresses on the ground before him. He was quick to go put his stuff by one of the air mattresses while Bucky and Steve climbed up.

Bucky frowned slightly, a look of confusion on his face at their living situation, while Steve blinked in surprise. The two men climbed their way up and Steve let out a sigh before looking back at the trap door where they could see Alex's head sticking out.

"You know, I don't want to seem ungrateful for the scenic tour, but might I be shown my room now?" Steve asked. Tony chuckled and clapped a hand on the blond's shoulder. "I know this may be a bit shocking for you, old man, but I think this is your room," Tony told him.

Steve frowned, not because of the living situation but because of the fact that Tony had called him an 'old man.'

Bucky set his stuff down, ignoring the other adults, before glancing at Alex nervously. "Uh. . .do you think we could see Y/N now? I kind of need to talk to her about a few things," Bucky said.

Alex's eyes flickered over to the man while Tony and Steve turned their gaze on the young girl. She let out a nervous laugh and climbed the rest of the way up. "Uh. . .I sent the invites," Alex explained as she got up onto her feet. "My mom doesn't know anything."

The three men blinked in surprise while Tony raised his eyebrows. "Oh, kid," he muttered as he let out a small breath. She really had no idea what she just did, did she?

"Well, she's done so much for me, and she's always talking about you guys and the good old days, and I thought, what an amazing surprise for her that you are all gonna be at my wedding," Alex explained.

"Hang on, kid," Tony sighed as he walked over and out a hand on her should. "I. . .I shouldn't be here. The last time I saw your mother, she said she never wanted to see me again."

A feeling of guilt washed over Tony as he remembered that moment, the tears in Y/N's eyes and the redness of her face (whether that was from anger or embarrassment or both, he wasn't sure) as she had slapped him, exclaiming that she never wanted to see him again. It had been a moment he would never forget, that was for sure.

And the worst part was, he hadn't gotten the chance to explain what had happened, to tell her that some crazy fan who wanted his money had kissed him hoping that he would fall in love with her with just one kiss. Tony had been in the middle of pushing the girl away when Y/N had walked up, but Y/N hadn't given him a chance to even talk before she had walked out of his life.

"That was years ago!" Alex exclaimed. "Please, it would mean a lot to me." Tony furrowed his eyebrows, his eyes flickering over the girl as she gave him an unreadable expression. "Why?" He asked confused.

"Listen, I can see that you've been to a great deal of trouble, Alex," Steve said. "But might I suggest that we all reconvene in your boat, Tony?" "Good idea," Bucky agreed.

Tony was silent as he stared at Alex, watching as her smile disappeared from their words and a look of hurt and sadness flashed through her eyes. The man let out a small sigh and turned to Bucky and Steve as he clapped his hands together, smiling at them.

"Sorry, fellas, but not gonna happen," Tony said before walking by them to start unpacking. "What, why?" Steve asked. "It's an adventure, old man. It's good for you," Tony told him. "Oh, I see," Steve muttered grumpily.

"Okay, when I sent the invites, it was a long shot that you'd even reply," Alex admitted causing the three men to stop what they were doing and look back at her. "And now you've come all this way for a wedding. Surely there must have been some special reason for you to be here. Like some siren call, maybe?"

Or their own guilt?

The three men blinked in surprise before Tony let out a small chuckle. Steve and Bucky joined soon after and Alex watched her three possible fathers as they all laughed.

"You're a little minx, you know that?" Bucky asked in amusement. "You're just like your mother." "I'll take that as a compliment," Alex responded instantly. Bucky held up his hands in defeat, "Never said it was anything but a compliment. Your mother was quite something back in the day. She could convince me to do almost anything."

"Like to come here?" Alex questioned.

Bucky blinked in surprise before looking up at Alex, his eyes narrowing slightly. "How did you-?" He began, but he fell silent once a loud humming sound filled the air.

All three men froze while Alex's eyes widened. "It's Y/N," Tony whispered in disbelief. He would recognize that voice anywhere. She used to sing all the time back when they were together, said that singing was the only thing that made her feel alive.

Tony stopped unpacking and began to walk to the trap door, Bucky and Steve following behind him. "No," Alex said as she quickly stood in front of them. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, listen, she can't know. I'm going to go. Please stay. Promise me that you'll not tell anybody that I invited you. Okay? Promise?"

Tony was the first to break his gaze away from the trap door and to look at the girl in front of him. His eyes flickered over her and he let out a small sigh as he smiled at the girl. "You got it, kid," he agreed.

Alex smiled, her eyes flickering over to Steve and Bucky. The two men glanced at each other before looking back at Alex. "It's a promise," Steve agreed. "I might regret it, but okay," Bucky said.

"Okay," Alex whispered excitedly. She then hurried over to the window of the room making the three men look at her confused. Alex ignored their gazes and pulled back a wooden board and handed it to Bucky before opening the window and stepping out.

"What are you-?" Bucky began, but Alex just smiled. "I'll be back later," she said before closing the window, not noticing that she closed it hard enough for her mother to hear from down below.

Y/N jumped in surprise from the loud sound that came from above her. Furrowing her eyebrows, she looked up. She heard the sound of stuff being moved around and frowned before going over to the ladder that was set right below the trap door that led to the top floor of the barn.

Y/N climbed up the ladder and hesitated before pushing the trap door up. She was about to open it all the way when she caught sight of a pair of shoes. She quickly closed it a little allowing for it to be open enough for her to see, but closed enough where whoever was in there wouldn't notice.

(E/c) eyes flickered over to the shoes before slowly making their way up the figure, stopping on the face of a man who she hadn't seen in twenty years. A strangled gasp left her lips as her eyes widened. "Steve?" She whispered in disbelief as she stared at the man who used to be her best friend up until that night twenty years ago.

"Come on, old man. Don't get all cranky. You'll see her soon enough," a familiar voice called out. Y/N quickly looked behind Steve to see the owner of the voice, a nicely dressed man who had a cocky smirk on his face as he put a pair of sunglasses on despite being indoors.

"Tony?" Y/N whispered out confused and surprised. Not only was one of her exes here, but two?

"Tony, quit messing with him," another voice said and Y/N about fell off the ladder just from hearing the voice of her first lover. Her eyes frantically searched the place until she caught sight of him standing on the other side of the room. Her breath hitched in her throat and she painfully whispered out, "James?"

Y/N let out a gasp of surprise and quickly shut the trap door and jumped off the ladder and onto the ground. "I was cheated by you and I think you know when. So I made up my mind, it must come to an end," Y/N sang.

She was quick to run out the doors of the barn, shutting the doors behind her as she leaned against the doors for support.

"Look at me now, will I ever learn? I don't know how but I suddenly lose control. There's a fire within my soul."

Y/N let out a shaky breath and looked up at the building, her heart beating furiously as a blizzard of mixed emotions hit her. She bit her lip nervously and against her better judgement, began to climb up the side of the building, wanting to know if what she saw was real or not.

"Just one look and I can hear a bell ring. One more look and I forget everything, wo-o-o-oh."

Y/N stopped at the window to the room and took a deep breath before opening it. She let out an almost disappointed sigh when she came face to face with a wooden board that had old posters for the Dynamos. Y/N looked around until her eyes landed on the ladder on the side of the building. She bit her lip nervously.

Was she really about to do this?

"Mamma mia, here I go again. My my, how can I resist you? Mamma mia, does it show again? My my, just how much I've missed you."

Y/N climbed up the ladder before stepping onto the building, stumbling slightly as she tried to gain her footing. The roof creaked below her and Y/N winced and froze in place. If what she thought she had seen was true, then she definitely didn't want Bucky, Tony, or Steve catching her in the act of trying to see them.

"Yes, I've been brokenhearted. Blue since the day we parted. Why, why did I ever let you go? Mamma mia, now I really know."

Y/N took a step forward towards the trapdoor on the roof and winced again when there was another creak. She quickly stepped back, stopping on the side of the roof and not noticing that Alex, Michelle, and Liz had caught sight of her.

"My my," Alex, Michelle, and Liz muttered before running towards the barn.

Y/N looked back at the trap door and took in a deep breath before beginning to make her way over to it from the other side.

"I should not have let you go."

She was about to go to the trap door when she remembered that there was another window on the side of the building. Y/N hurried over there before laying down on her stomach and leaning her head over the side.

She was just able to see through the top of the window and none of the men seemed to notice her (h/c) hair glowing in the sunlight because they were all occupied with either unpacking or blowing up their mattresses. Y/N was silent for a minute as she looked between the three men confused and hurt as to why they were here.

"I was angry inside when I knew we were through."

Y/N let out a sigh and pulled her body back onto the roof and laid there for a second, her eyes on the sky above her as a million thoughts ran through her head.

"I can't count all the times I've cried over you. Look at me now, will I ever learn? I don't know how but I suddenly lose control. There's a fire within my soul."

Her eyes flickered over to the trap door that she was now lying next to and she took a deep breath before shakily holding a hand out to the handle.

"Just one look and I can hear a bell ring."

Y/N shook her head and pulled her hand away. She couldn't do this.

"One more look and I forget everything, wo-o-o-oh."

Y/N looked back at the handle and began to have an argument with herself. She started to reach for it again.

"Mamma mia, here I go again My my, how can I resist you?"

Y/N pulled her hand away, a feeling of doubt washing over herself.

"Mamma mia, does it show again? My my, just how much I've missed you."

She let out a sigh and got back onto her feet, memories and old feelings washing over her as she told there in the wind.

"Yes, I've been brokenhearted. Blue since the day we parted. Why, why did I ever let you go?"

Y/N took a shaky breath and bent down next to the trap door, her fingers grazing over the door handle.

"Mamma mia, here I go again. My my, I should not have let you go."

Then, against her better judgement, Y/N opened the trap door. However, it had a little more of a pullback than she expected.

And before she knew it, Y/N went stumbling through the door and down onto the air mattress of her first love while three of her exes all stared at her with wide eyes.

Tony was the first to break the silence, a loud laugh escaping his lips.

"Hello, Y/N. Nice of you to drop by."

Tag List:

@babygirlizz

@stars-cant-be-broken

@sammmnmy

@oceanmendes

[finderskeepersff]

26. Part 3

Sofia stretching her jaw, Sofia watched as I stood with my back pressed against the wall. We just stared at each other not saying a word, the seductive grin on her swollen lips pulled me back towards her. Clasping my hand around her arm I yanked Sofia up, and she stood with her nipples pressed against my chest. Pressing my lips against hers, I lifted her chin and placed my hands around her neck. Pressing my lips against her skin underneath her jawline, running my tongue up the side of her neck, I teased her ear with my teeth. Gnawing on her lobe before taking her completely by surprise and grasping my fingers around her waist, flipping her upside down. Sofia yelped as I held her midair and buried my face between her legs. With my arms wrapped tightly around her midsection I slowly walked towards the bed, licking her from one end of her centre to the other. Careful not to fall or trip over an object on the floor, I slowed my steps down while teasing her opening with my tongue before setting her down on her stomach in the middle of the bed. I jerked her waist towards me so that her ass was now pointed and arched up in the air. Sofia rested her head on the comforter. I stood behind her and grabbed her neck and pushed her forward, pressing her face deeper into the mattress. Running my fingers down the curve of her spine, I grazed her cheeks with my fingernails once I got to her ass.

Spreading her ass cheeks apart, I moaned blissfully at the sight in front of me. Her pussy is purring for attention and the way her sex glistened from behind, waiting for my length to pound inside of her made my knees buckle. Running my fingers across her ass I brought my hand up and smacked her left cheek before repeating the same action with her right. A slight whimpered slipped from Sofia’ lips and her core twitched, I roughly pressed my hands over her sex, rubbing my fingers against her sensitive centre. Sofia’ whole body curved towards me when I slid three fingers inside of her tight, wet tunnel, and flicked my thumb against her core, stroking in and out of her at a sluggish speed “Cass..” Sofia moaned, rotating her sex on my fingers. Her walls clenched around me and her juices spilled down my hand. I plunged my fingers in deeper, she thrust her ass back against me and I groaned at how wet she was. Her heat completely engulfed my fingers.

Using my hand to stroke my dick a few times, I angled myself above her and sunk deep into her. I almost came right then and there as I felt her walls grip and snug my tightly. She squeezed her warmth around my dick and I forcefully bucked inside her “so good” I thrusted into her, Sofia screams urging me on. I began pounding into her like a jack-hammer, running my hands all across her body. My right hand found it's place around the back of her neck, my fingers forming around her nape, while my other hand smacked her cheeks, making her ass jiggle. I rammed into her at full speed. One powerful toe curling, lip biting, eye rolling stoke after another. My balls slapped against her sex and Sofia was now experiencing the kind of pleasure she didn't know existed and I know she doesn’t. Her yells and moans were beginning to lose strength, her voice slipping away from her as I rocketed into her. Slowing down my strokes almost completely, I tiredly thrust into her at a snails pace. I spread her ass apart and watched my glistening dick move in and out of her hole. I picked up a little speed with one final stoke before catching her off guard and pounded into her fast and hard.

One, two three slow strokes then one long hard thrust, I continued to fuck her like this until her muscles clenched and she let out an ear piercing scream, creaming around me. I jolted into her one last time before quickly pulling out of her and stroking my dick, watching as I came on her ass. With a loud grunt I fell at the side of Sofia and pulled Sofia into me “don’t…” before I could even stop myself, it was too late “you idiot” she rested her head back on my shoulders, heavily breathing “now there is cum on the sheets” I just realised that “why didn’t you just do it inside of me” she got a point “maybe but I wanted to be messy, I wanted to mark you” I am tired now “like a dog?” she panted out “could say” I laughed “annoying ass” wrapping my arms around Sofia’ waist “I think I'm just going to lay right here for now” she is tired and I love it “I think I will lay next to you” I said sprawling my body out at the side of her “hmm you smell like sex” she said while cuddling her face against my chest “you smell like sex too” I said back “I smell like you" I chuckled “you really do” I love her so much “if I wasn’t pregnant already I would be right now” Sofia mumbled, pressing a kiss to Sofia’ forehead.

“wake up, wake up. It’s the first of the month” Sofia half shouted, my eyes slowly dragging themselves open, I am tired “I don’t care” turning away from Sofia “you can’t move, I was awake a while ago” seeing Sofia is sat on my chest all dressed “oh god” I groaned out “I am tired, let me sleep please. Why are you so hyper” Sofia pulled my arms back just above my head and stared down at me, opening my eyes “can I have your black card?” she is really doing this “it’s downstairs, go and get it. I don’t care” Sofia gasped “seriously? Can I? I have never seen a black card Cassius can I?” nodding my head “yeah, I will sleep here. Just don’t do too much” closing my eyes again “no, you’re coming with me. Cassius, I can’t be alone. Please!” opening my eyes again “I have to go to Brooklyn, I got some things to do there babe, I can’t” Sofia mean mugged me “you are coming with me Cassius, I am not playing. You are coming with me shopping, you never come with me. I have to shop alone, I want my man with me!” I rolled my eyes “why do you have to be so difficult? I can do my thing and then come and see you, it’s not that bad right?” Sofia slapped my chest as she got off from me, why do I need to go shopping.

Drying off my face “why are you crying?” I am so confused “leave me alone” Sofia sobbed out, this can’t be real “who hurt you?” I asked, I have to ask because nobody is fucking here to upset her “I want you to come shopping with me but you won’t, I only want to be with you. I have never had a man that does those things with me, it may be weird to you but to me it means a lot. I just want you there and then you said no, I didn’t ever get any man to take me shopping, not even my own father. I just have to accept I will be alone doing it when I go shopping, just like my mom when I was younger” I am guilt tripped into going now, how can I not just say no. This is not fair “fine, I will come. Please stop crying for me, please? And it will not be like that Sofia, shit is different. I will be there, just at times like now I can’t but I will, just don’t cry” women are just so annoying, why did she have to cry “I just want different, that is all” she hiccuped “I will go with you ok? Just please don’t cry” change of plans now thanks to my bub.

“Cassius!!” Sofia screamed at me “Sofia!? What is it?” I am stood right next to her too “Cassius! Don't shout!” she said, walking away from where I was stood “but you were shouting at me?” I pointed at myself “don’t make excuses now I need your help” she needs help, she has already bought me to this pink filled store, I want to scream “what is it? Sofia just pick the damn panties so we can move on? It’s really not hard right?” I don’t see the issue “excuse me” someone said behind me, moving back so the ladies could walk by “thank you” I smiled at her, I can look behind these shades “you could have stepped forward to me right?” stepping forward “I could but I didn’t so what is it?” seeing Sofia holding the same three panties just a minute ago said she didn’t want “what colour? I am confused” blowing out air “get them all, there we go. Issue is sorted out right?” I just want to sleep, that is all I want.

I love waiting in queues, it’s my favourite “I love that you’re wearing the bracelet I got you” lifting my arm up “I love it bub” I grinned “I love you, hold these for me. My phone is ringing” rolling my eyes grabbing the bras and panties from Sofia “it’s Mia, I will call her back later” Sofia put her phone back in her bag but didn’t take these things from me, she stood looking ahead “I am happy now, you finally come shopping with me. I love it” nodding my head “I have only taken Jasmine shopping, but I hate it” looking around the store “and I thank you for coming” wrapping her arms around my body, licking my lips waiting for this queue to go down “do you love me Cassius?” Sofia is asking this question while stood in Victoria Secrets “you being real right now? Like real? Who the hell am I to just be stood here with just anyone?” Sofia is funny, even she had to laugh “ok you right” Sofia giggled to herself, the queue finally moved and we should be next “I am tired now myself, the short burst of energy I had is now gone” furrowing my eyebrows “that means you need to eat, you got to keep your energy up” the store assistant waved us over “go on” letting Sofia walk ahead of me “hi” she said, placing the things on the counter. Grabbing my black card from my pocket, this is all she wants me to do is spend.

Removing my shades as I sat down, we came to Olive Garden. I want my young don to be fed of course “I will be right back to take your orders” the server said before she walked off “what else you want to buy next?” I had to ask “mhmm I don’t know” Sofia just smiled, it’s like she wants to just spend just because “anything?” Sofia said “anything?” I said again “I want a Rolex” I blinked at Sofia several times “hold the hell up, you wish the hell you could get that” I pointed at her “I was just testing you, you do watch your money don’t you?” nodding my head “you know, at this funeral. Speaking to Myles, I think it will be too much for you to go. Niggas are disrespectful, there is not many things I have done right but you I have, I can’t have you there. I have told my family no. I just want to bury him and that is it” Sofia shook her head “I don’t want to be here without you, I am coming Cassius. I would hope they didn’t but I am coming with you. I cannot be without you Cassius, who’s going to look after me huh?” watching Sofia get all teary eyed “my little don, he or she will. You would be fine, I have a seed now. Sofia things come full circle and it is” Sofia waved me off not wanting to hear it.

Sofia placed her fork down “what makes you think that I wouldn’t want to be with you in Brooklyn? Cassius I have nobody but you, my friends have their life, I only got you. You need to think about that, I have nothing. You do everything for me. If you leave then what? Who will look after us, I don’t want to be a single parent Cassius. I rather I get hurt then you” I swallowed hard “I don’t want that, I am trying to protect you Sofia. That is what I am trying to do for you. I don’t want you to get hurt, Amira and Isabella will be there I guess. Just stay close to me, it’s something I didn’t want to be doing and you know” I shrugged, I want to get revenge but Sofia is not going to let me do anything so I can say goodbye to that “my mother will be there, she is hard headed so there is that. Just keep clear, I am worried. If anything goes off, Ethan, you know him. The driver right, if anything goes off you go with him. I mean you will have no choice, Sofia it’s not a game for you to say no. People can die, if I am busy watching you then I don’t have time to protect me” Sofia thinks this shit is a game “Ethan is the driver? Why would he do anything” she is slow, bless her “he works for Zed, he is not a driver he is protection. The Range we sit in is bulletproof to an extent. It’s not a game Sofia and I need to say this to you again, people can die. We are going to all be in one place, that is perfect for them and yes you will be wearing a vest, point ended” Sofia didn’t say a word, I am glad she remained silent.

Grabbing the Jordan Spizike “also these, I want them in the same sizes too. I will let you know if there is anything else” I thought I might as well come to the sneaker store while out, walking down the line of sneakers “what about these for you” holding the retro 12 Jordans “it’s like a rose gold colour” turning to Sofia, I laughed moving the sneaker “what you doing?” she been recording me “what you doing?” moving the phone away “nothing” Sofia grabbed my arm “no, what were you doing? You picking sneakers out for me baby?” putting the sneaker down “you ain’t getting shit” walking around her, she out here recording me. Walking over to the counter, there is two towers of sneakers. One for me and one for Sofia, we got matching sneakers “why you got two sets of sneakers Cassius?” Sofia asked “one is yours, we matching” seeing the baby Jordans “you seen this?” holding up the box “you mad annoying with this camera” I side eyed Sofia “you act all camera shy” this is so cute though, like baby Jordans “I am the same, my girl be recording everything. I could get her a burger and she be like he got me a burger” the store assistant said “a man that knows, it’s annoying. Y’all just love showing off” I know her game.

“Lee, I am meeting him” I am just enjoying my frozen yoghurt, ain’t nobody care about no Lee “now?” I hope the hell not “erm yeah, it’s just a little quick meet. He’s got a break from work and look he’s here!!” Sofia jumped up from her seat, I am just enjoying this like screw anything else “oh my god! I miss you so much Lee. I am getting emotional now, god I miss you” looking up from my frozen yoghurt, Ethan is like me just loving this. He is around but doesn’t get in the way, I can take that “Cassius, Lee. Oh my god, my beautiful friend” I am not rude, shaking his hand “beautiful? I am far from that, I came straight away when I found out. That sounds so wrong but I mean if I could I would” Sofia sat down next to me “how is everything? Has a car run over Ivy yet?” Lee laughed out “not yet, she is off sick. You know, you want to push out a whole human for what? Lloyd doesn’t even want you, oh my god! They had a fight in the middle of work it was so good, I mean bad but good. The latest is that Lloyd likes his booty tickled by the D” placing my spoon down, I think I have finished “no way? You’re lying to me, he is gay?” Lee sat back in his seat and shrugged “I wouldn’t lie Sofia, when have I been wrong. Anyways your home looks so pretty, when can I come and see?” hopefully never “as soon as the house is done, there is a room waiting but no sex” Sofia pointed at him “I will do it outside, I don’t care but we have so much to do and say. How long are you here for? Cassius it’s nice to see you, I enjoy the eggplant through the sweatpants” my eyebrows knitted together “that was one time! Lee!” she screamed at him “I mean what can I say, big dick gang and all that, Sofia airing that. When was this?” I don’t remember this “you was arguing with me and I just took the picture, it was before you went Brooklyn. How sexy is he angry Lee?” he nodded in agreement, these two are bad together “I don’t agree with this friendship at all” they bad together “Sofia, we need to see each other for a big gossip, before you go” Ethan is laughing at me, he been laughing at me all this time. This isn’t me, I am not that guy but she pregnant so I have to be.