#most of the time he’ll just sit with oda tho

[rivalmelty]

self indulgent au has self indulgent hcs who would’ve thought

[catintheruemorgue]

Random azz headcanons!!

warning: suicide on dazai’s part (very last one), swearing

an: in one whole day i’ve been told i may have covid, my wallet got stolen (tho they only took my bank card and id), my car wouldn’t start and i got bad news but honestly this was just a normal day for me!! (i literally have the worst luck it’s almost funny) anyways i thought of stupid social media headcanons.. this is mainly just crack !! :)

•the ADA have game nights and sometimes play among us (rarely because if Ranpo plays he just calls an emergency meeting and calls out the imposter, “Atsushi your leg is shaking..” so it’s only when he’s too sleepy to join.) If Dazai and Kunikida get imposter duo Dazai will accuse Kunikida immediately but not even for the kill he’ll just say he vented in front of him, which then in turn causes kunikida to start yelling that it's him. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBJbyuspGVo) think this clip.

•Ranpo once found Poe’s myspace from when he was 16 and proceeded to almost bust a lung at all the edgy poetry and how he called his followers his “Ravens” The best part though, was the profile picture. As if Ranpo hadn't humiliated him enough he printed it out and framed it on his work desk. Poe just about passed out seeing the very photo that haunted his memories sitting on his rivals desk for everyone to see-- Poe in a black hoodie, hood pulled up with one eye covered. The word “pain” was edited across the photo in gothic, cursive looking font.

•Mark Twain loves the song Breakeven by The Script. (this isnt social media but so fucking important.)

•If it weren't for opposing sides Chuuya and Mark would be best friends. Chuuya loves his adventurous attitude and thinks the guy is just really awesome. They would have sleepovers where they would sing songs like Fuck You by Ceelo Green and Gives You Hell by All-American Rejects. Chuuya always posts them belting the lyrics on his story on snapchat and when people from the Port Mafia slide up and say something along the lines of “uhhh? This is sus..” Chuuya sends back a huge paragraph on how they are just jealous they don't have an amazing best friend like he does, and that they should be careful, he's still their superior.

•Yosano constantly is fighting with racists and bigots on facebook and will always talk to Atsushi about it for hours. He's awkward but thankful that she keeps him informed. She's very good at arguing and will rip apart disrespectful men when given the chance but has a hard time fighting women. When it comes to fighting a woman she will recruit Ranpo to sit over her shoulder and give her advice on what to say. Some of the things will warrant a light smack to the head.

•Mori’s most used app is Turbo Tax and nobody knows why.

•Oda loves to leave long in depth reviews for items he's purchased, he doesn't even try to be funny but sometimes Dazai sends him screenshots saying “Is this your review?”

•Gin, Tachihara and Hirotsu all downloaded Life 360 and have fun tracking where each other are. All of them have labeled the Port Mafia headquarters as “Hell”. Also Tachi and Hirotsu would get so confused when Gin was always with Akutagawa after hours.

•Kouyou has a blog where she helps people solve their issues. She's rarely on it but when she is she's always giving the best advice. She also reviews soaps and oils.

•Fitzgerald got doxxed and freaked out because he didn't know that was a thing. He immediately replied with “How do you know that ?” Not knowing there could be consequences for bullying for kids online.

•Atsushi accidentally joined a pyramid scheme but when he tried to sell Yosano something she was there, again, to inform him that it was an MLM. “No Atsushi-kun, that one's not good either.” Much better than Tanazaki who didn't know any better (and bought so much stuff) or Dazai who just thought it was funny.

•Poe has a snapchat but has left people on delivered for weeks to months at a time. The only person he actually responds to is Ranpo, but even then sometimes he leaves him on read (very rarely).

•Fyodor always starts his posts with, “unpopular opinion but..” and if he doesn't like someone's statement he’ll end whatever he has to say with, “Spit.” With an eye rolling emoji.

•One time Akutagawa made a bare ass instagram just to dm Atsushi, “I will get you.” The tiger boy just added Dazai to the chat who, for the hell of it, added Chuuya and proceeded to cuss them both out. Not surprisingly Atsushi had to beg Dazai and Chuuya to block one another while ignoring Akutagawa’s threats.

•Dazai is only famous on twitter because his suicidal tweets are “relatable” and because he’s attractive. He actually secretly gets super pissed because he doesn’t think his pain is “relatable” but will tease people with remarks like, “Make way, celebrity coming through!” when he shows up late for work.

[aizawa-needs-coffee]

Headcannons for class 1A + Shinso's love languages? thank you x

This, this is fun imma do literally everyone baby. Everyone is aged up tho there is still no adult themes or smut involved.

IN SEAT ORDER because the page is open on my phone as I aggressively type baby.

Aoyama Gift giving - He loves to be showered with gifts and little trinkets and looooves to do the same back. It could be something huge and pricey or he would just pick a flower and place it in your hair. Mina Touch - Loves to hold hands, cuddle, be close, always touching her partner in some way. Brushing hair back, gentle hand on your knee if your sitting close. Asui Quality time- She'd love spending time with her partner, just going for walks with one another, getting tea together, being around one another, sitting by a lake, going for a swim, doesn't have to cost a thing as long as she's with you. Iida Words of affirmation - He doesn't need anything physical or need to go anywhere to feel loved. He likes to shower his partner with praise, adoration, love and also be told he's worthy and he's doing a good job.

Uraraka Quality Time/Touch - Going for little dates together, holding hands as you window shop, you'd both pack bentos and sit in the park together, she's a sucker for letting you rest your head on her lap as you both talk for hours about things on your private picnic. Ojiro Touch - The boy loves to be held, you can tell he doesn't mind when his friends like Denki hold his tail. He likes to be fussed over in either a romantic or a platonic sense. Just a little shy about it also. Denki Touch/Words of affirmation - Tell him he's funny, tell him he's doing a good job, he's trying his best and you value him. He's a very happy go lucky person but has some big anxiety. Touch, he's abit of a pervert and just likes to touch your butt in passing, kiss your cheek, hold your hand. He's even abit clingy with his friends. Kirishima Touch/Words of affirmation- He loves gentle touches and to be close with people he cares about, he also knows how to be soft and gentle despite how strong he is. He will be your own personal cheerleader, always telling people he loves and cares about praise and goes all mushy when he's told how appreciated he is. Koda Words of affirmation/Gift Giving - Shy and timid, being told positive things about himself will help him come out of his shell. Not being so great with being forward with his feelings he likes to give you little gifts, a neat rock he found on a walk, a flower, a little note expressing his feelings.

Sato Gift Giving - He'll bake you so many treats, he'll bring you cookies to study with, hard day at work? he'll bake you cinnamon rolls, make your favorite cake, anything. He'll bring you candy, snacks, movie night is always such a big pig out and chill. Shoji Touch - He's big on touch, he's protective over the people he cares about, he's also all limbs, he'd be in trouble if touch wasn't his biggest thing. He likes to wrap around his partner, man of few words but holds you close. Jiro Quality time/Acts of service - Not the most talkative person or a huge fan of touch/PDA Jiro values knowing her partner would go to lengths to make her happy like she would for them. Having a down day, just grabbing a boba together and sitting with one another peacefully is her jam. She'd send you funny pictures when she thought you were upset to make you happy. Sero Touch/Acts of Service - Somewhere he has some self esteem issues about his arms and the fact his partner would touch him and them, running hands over his arms just lifts his spirit. He would do anything for a friend or partner and actions over words are more meaningful to him. Tokoyami Gift Giving/Words of affirmation - He's a birb boy, he see's pretty things and has to give his partner the pretty thing he found. He also likes praise and soft words, being told his partner trusts him and never fears his quirk. Todoroki Words of affirmation - Tell him he's wonderful, that he is loved and doesn't need to be something he's not, he's perfect the way he is. The love and affection he never got in a family environment. Hagakure Quality Time - Go on nice shopping dates with her, go see a movie, binge watch shows on the sofa together all night. She likes loves to be around you. Bakugo Acts of Service/Quality time - He's more of a doer then a talker. He'd buy you lunch if you forgot your wallet and that would show you how much he cared. He doesn't like to be touched and doesn't need you to give him praise, doesn't respond the the pressure he'd feel to reciprocate. But sit with him and watch TV together, study in his room with him, go to the gym and chill. The words aren't needed, you just have to value the little things because with him they aren't 'little' things. Midoriya Words of affirmation - This boy also needs to be told he's doing a good job, he's doing his best! You love and adore him and he's perfect. He trips over his words but he will always be your number one fan and biggest supporter. Mineta Gift Giving - He's not so good with the words, he'll try sound sweet but end up not sounding it 'your tits look great in that top' what he means is 'wow you look lovely today!' so he's a gift giver, believe it or not. He learns in time to keep his mouth shut and is like 'babe got you a caramel frappe, I even remembered soya milk' instead. Momo Quality time - Come over her house for a tea party and chill. Dress up all cute and fancy with her to go for a walk in the park, get a ice cream, feed the ducks, she just loves to be around the people she cares about. Shinso Words of affirmation/Quality Time - He needs reminding of his worth sometimes, tell him you love him, you aren't scared of his quirk, you trust him. He likes spending time with his partner, knowing they want to be with him and aren't just saying it. Take the boy to a cat cafe.

[chailoserr]

𝗕𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗗𝗮𝘇𝗮𝗶 𝗢𝘀𝗮𝗺𝘂’𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗰𝘀

• You’ve both been bffs since the dark era, fun times

• You’d always make sure his dumbass was okay, basically aggressively mom friending him

• Being the mom friend means making the mom lunches, you bet your ass you were gonna make him the best and cutest little lunches. You’d even add encouraging, playful notes

• “Don’t talk about suicide the whole day and we can get ice cream”

• After missions, you say “Way to go, sport” in a corny, over exaggerated dad voice

• You’d make fun of Mori together, bc fuck that guy, you were Dazai’s true parental unit

• He’d take you to the lupin to meet Oda and Ango, and while things are nice and calm, you try to crank things up

• You play ‘shots’ by lmfao and you and Dazai try to get everyone hyped

• Dazai: C’mon Ango, shots! Shots! Shots!

Ango, trying to wash out the tomato juice aftertaste: This is m o u t h w a s h

• You and Oda get along really well, you’re like a slightly more responsible Dazai

• You and Dazai tease Ango a lot, and Oda just kind of sits there petting the cat

• The two of you babysit Oda’s kids, and you are naturally amazing at it and love them

• “Why can’t you be more like these little angels? They don’t talk about double suicide or their short king partners”

• The kids obviously love you, and it’s way easier to mother actual children than a grown ass suicidal maniac

• But after babysitting, you tell him he did a good job, because what kind of mom friend would you be if you didn’t praise him??

• Then Oda going in the forever box happens

• The two of you are very broken up over it, even if Dazai doesn’t show it

• You cowboy up and hold him, and you tell him to let it out

• It’s kind of like the episode of Clone High where Ponce dies

• Dazai, playing his game boy: Awww, now Mario’s dead! I’m killing everyone! Oh why couldn’t Oda have had three lives like Mario?!

• Eventually he lets s o m e emotion out, it’s more of a half assed expression than anything, but it’s progress!

• Then you guys join the ADA and things are looking up, even though you still seriously worry for him

• You bet your ass you’re making a good noodle board to keep him on his best behavior

• You give Kenji the most stars, because he’s like your new child

• Imagine playing favorites, pfft, couldn’t be you

• You and Dazai decorate each other’s desks and always sit as close to each other as possible

• When Kunikida moves you two apart, you both get really dramatic and reach out for each other while reciting the most theatrical speeches

• “WAIT FOR ME ON THE OTHER SIDE!”

• “AS LONG AS THESE PANTS ARE SQUARE! AND THIS SPONGE IS BOB! I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUU!”

• Kunikida goes insane and agrees to move the two of you back together

• After finishing your paperwork like a good child, you sit next to Dazai and watch Over the Hedge on his laptop

• You’ll only listen to the parts with the verminator tho, everything else the two of you just voice over

• You listen to music together, sharing new songs and playlists. Either you or him introduce the other to Jack Stauber, bc Jack Stauber’s music is rad

• He’ll use his bandages for you to hold onto and run you around the office in your swivel chair

• You wingman for him, but on the condition that he DOESN’T try to commit a double suicide

• You guys get breakfast like, super early in the morning and eat it on the roof of the agency while watching the sun rise

• “Man, sure is a nice roof, sure would LOVE to commit a double suicide rn”

• You pull on his ear and get onto him, threatening to take away all the good noodle stars he earned

• In conclusion, y’all have a very wholesome, yet chaotic friendship. A 10 outta 10 in my book

[cuttlefishwritesotome]

Ikesen Boys meeting Calliope the Cactus

For full context I have a zygocactus named Calliope, Cali for short, and I thought this would be a funny thing to write.

Kennyo, Nobunaga, Yoshimoto, Masamune, Mitsuhide, Hideyoshi, Kenshin, Motonari

Warnings: Historical inaccuracies as far as the eye can see

Kennyo

👘”Hello Calliope.”

👘He pretends to not care about them. All “I am a demon who feels nothing but rage.”

👘When they’re alone Kennyo is just the most caring. He has Ranmaru bring back a copy of my notes on how to care for Cali, he talks to them about his day, and he’ll even save their flowers when they fall.

👘The ONLY one who I’d trust to take care of Cali. He is a responsible caring adult who needs an emotional support cactus. He would NEVER let anything happen to my cactus child.

Nobunaga

🗡I would kill him if he EVER took a STEP towards Cali. 😤😤

🗡Not just because I hate him

🗡He would actually not give a single shit, like he'd just have a smug smirk thinking I was some sort of naive idiot.

🗡Definitely would not refer to Calliope by name, not even to tease me, just "it" and "the Cactus".

🗡Probably say something like this "Seems like my good luck charm is enjoying their cactus."

🗡10/10 for respecting my pronouns tho.

Yoshimoto

🦚"They're beautiful, the green is lovely and their red blooms are magical."

🦚The only reason I don't trust him to take care of them is because I already don't trust him to take care of himself.

🦚Yoshimoto 100% gave me a fancy pot to plant them in and every time I have to repot them he brings an even fancier one.

🦚Could sit for hours just enjoying Cali's company as he painted or something.

Masamune

🐯 DO NOT EAT MY CACTUS!!!

🐯I don't CARE if it's a joke I WILL revoke your cactus privileges!!

🐯Ok he'd tease like Nobunaga but he makes it clear that there's no malice.

🐯He genuinely likes Cali and thinks that everyone caring about them so much is really cute.

🐯He just likes teasing a little but more.

Mitsuhide

🐍 Genuinely does not know how to look after a cactus. Especially a zygocactus. He hides it behind teasing.

🐍Lowkey might actually eat the eggshells I use as fertizler. Not on purpose, he just couldn't tell that it was for the plant.

🐍mistuhide would totally break a dude's hand if the even implied a threat towards Cali.

🐍Like "Sir, thats my emotional support time traveler's emotional support cactus. I will kill you if you lay a hand on either of them."

🐍Would accidently over water them if I ever left them in his care. Like he meant well, but didn't realize that cacti need less water than other plants.

🐍Never let him plant sit. Never.

Hideyoshi

💓He'd be weirded out at first, like "why are you talking to a plant? Do you feel ok?"

💓Once he's introduced though.

💓Hideyoshi adds a plant to his Oda children.

💓He really wants to take care of them, but he's so busy that he really doesn't have the time. But every now and then he shows up to spend an hour with Cali and give them a little mist.

💓Mamayoshi is lowkey trying to steal my cactus child.

Kenshin

🐇Straight up doesn't care for Cali

🐇If it can't pick up a sword why should he care?

🐇He's fully content to leave the plant stuff to Yoshimoto but if Shingen teases him enough he'll demand to take care of them.

🐇The only reason Cali is still with us after the whole thing is because Kenshin would die before letting Shingen beat him.

Motonari

🏴‍☠️No.

🏴‍☠️Keep him away from all living things for everyone's safety.

🏴‍☠️Just. No.

🏴‍☠️Please.

[mamichigo]

(od)ango+oda’s kids maybe? :)

Hey anon, I hope you don’t mind that I used my child!Dazai au as the setting for this (all the ontext you need is that Dazai is a kid and was adopted by Ango)! Just to be sure, I kept the mentions of him to a minimum, and if you want something that includes him more, you just gotta request it!!

Shinji, being the shy kid he is, takes awhile to get closer to Ango. He rarely talks and is usually hiding behind one of his siblings. It’s only when Ango, who’s used to doing it for Dazai, offers to read for him that Shinji gets closer to him.

He now has a habit of just sitting by Ango, leaning against Ango while he does his own thing.

Yuu is usually on his other side, playing one of his games. Ango isn’t good with video games, but Yuu will sometimes ask him to explain a word or sentence he doesn’t quite understand

Yuu sees Ango as this super smart guy (because of how Odasaku usually talks about him) and Ango has tried to tell him he doesn’t know everything, but to no avail

Katsumi has a ridiculous amount of energy, and Ango can never keep up with him. Usually Ango will just keep an eye on him (since he’s not very good at sports) while he plays with his siblings and/or Oda; Katsumi says he likes it when Ango is watching, bc he knows someone is looking out for all of them

That includes Oda btw. All the kids care about Oda, but Katsumi is the one that worries the most in “he takes care of us, but who takes care of him?” kind of way. He’s usually the first one to let Ango know when there’s something wrong with Oda, which goes to show how much he trusts him to help

As the “leader” of the children, Kosuke took it upon himself to make sure Ango doesn’t do anything to hurt Oda. For awhile, he’d give Ango these really intense looks, just. Staring at him all creepily, all unsettling. But Oda always smiled around Ango so he officially gave Ango his “you’re okay” seal, and the rest of the kids followed his lead

Kosuke likes getting Ango opinion on things. Oda usually praises whatever they do, not because he’s lying to them or anything, he just sincerely believes everything they do to be good. Since Ango will tell them how to improve on something they did (if they ask for his opinion of course), Kosuke prefers to ask him

Sakura one time overhead Odasaku say Ango doesn’t drink enough water and now he can’t escape her trying to make sure he’s hydrated. He’ll be in the middle of a sentence and Sakura will pop up and shove a glass of water into his hands and not leave until he has drunk all of it. She also leaves little snacks close by whenever Ango looks particularly tired

Ango loves joining Sakura for one of her tea parties. They’ll talk to each other and just drink “tea” for an hour or so, and Sakura takes it very seriously. Do not interrupt her tea parties. (Also for one of her birthdays, Ango plans with Odasaku an actual tea party, with fancy china and everything, and that’s her most cherished memory)

The kids think it’s hilarious to play hide and seek with Ango bc he’s *terrible* at it, he usually only finds one of them, maybe two if he’s very lucky. Oda has to convince them not to pick on Ango too much over it

Sakura and Shinji LOVE story time, and it’s not too difficult to please both of them (Sakura likes stories with animals and adventures, while Shinji likes fairytales and literally anything that has a happy ending). The problem is when Dazai is in the group, since he likes murder mysteries and horror stories, which the other kids are scared of

The only solution to this is Sakura talking him into picking something else, since Sakura is the only kid (besides Atsushi) who can convince Dazai to do anything

Shinji usually also joins Sakura’s tea party, and more rarely Yuu will do too, when he gets tired of running around with Kosuke and Katsumi.

Ango is always suspicious of when the five of them are talking in a little circle, it always leads to disaster, but Odasaku never listens to Ango when he tries to warn him.

It’s okay tho bc Odasaku usually protects Ango from whatever scheme they’ve planned this time (which does nothing to help Ango’s blood pressure, however)

The kids have gotten into the habit of collapsing into a dog pile right on top of Ango so he won’t leave the bed and actually sleep, and Oda will lie down on whatever space is left

Ango despairs over the fact that he has a shitty back and he can’t really give piggyback rides or carry the kids for long, but he’s always (and I mean always) complies when any of them asks to hold hands or to sit on his lap on anything of the sort

Also they like helping Oda make breakfast in the morning and will always fight among themselves over who gets to give Ango his coffee (and the rest of his food, if it’s a breakfast in bed kind of day)

Dazai is banned doing it since the time he tripped on the way and got hot coffee all over the sheets and Ango himself, then proceeded to laugh the entire time instead of apologizing