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whumpiary · 3 years

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content warning: strong dubcon vibes, implied future noncon, abuse of power, alcohol use

It wasn’t often Christopher chose Cassius to accompany him to a party like this one. Champagne on trays and chandeliers from the ceiling. Men in nice suits, women in gowns.

Usually, when Christopher wanted Cass at an occasion, it was a private one. Weekends to the cabin. Trips out on the yacht. That sort of thing. Particular affairs.

Public events were usually the role of one of the other charges. Harley or Nicky or Jackson or Len. One of the bright young thing types that exemplified the kindness and generosity of a wealthy benefactor like Christopher Bergen. Which was… decidedly not the sort of bright young thing that Cassius was. Or that Christopher wanted him to be, most days of the week.

But it’s a particular kind of people, at a party like this. A particular mix of friends and colleagues. Ones who found Cass’ occasional salacious comments charming instead of vaguely scandalous. That didn’t mind so much when Christopher’s hand slid from his charge’s shoulder to his waist halfway through the night. When a fond look turned into a fond kiss.

The first couple of hours had been vaguely torturous, Cass listening again and again too the discordant pulse of for the love of God leave me alone paired with, “Paul. Lovely to see you, how’s that daughter of yours?”

Cass knows his role. Be pretty. Be beguiling. Be distraction or attraction, depending on the opponent. Be a reason to extend conversation as readily as a reason to cut conversation short.

Some things you paid for with money. Other things you paid for with attendance. And Cassius was here to make the slog of it less painful.

In the corner now, though, no one bothers them. In the corner now, they’re playing a game. One of Christopher’s favourites. One that Cass is getting better at.

“So what does he want?” Christopher says, nodding his head to a man by the fireplace in a grey check suit. He’s listening intently to another man talk, red wine in his hand.

Cass hums, reaching out. Tasting. Assessing. It’s always kinda interesting, feeling out other people’s desires. Particularly new people. He shrugs. “He wants to leave. But he wants that other guy to like him more.”

Christopher’s hand traces idle circles into the back of Cassius’ shoulder. Drifts lower and across his spine as Cass leans forward, “I would too, that’s Carl Egerton. Do you know him?”

“No.”

“Remind me to introduce you. He’s good for reputations. Has a ridiculous amount of sway in the media.”

Cassius thinks about asking why he of all people would need to know someone good for reputations. But he tucks the thought away before it can escape and make things... complicated. Christopher’s been saying more and more things like that recently. And Cassius mostly just does his best to ignore them.

Christopher inclines his head again, “And what about him, across the way, what does he want?”

A younger man in a deep blue shirt talking to a woman in a tight red dress. Hard to tell from here if the dress was sequinned or just simmering. It’s pretty, either way. She’s pretty. The man talking to her has noticed too.

Cass wrinkles his nose up, “Wants her. In a thirsty kinda way too. It’s gross.”

“And does she want him?”

“Not really,” Cass shrugs. “She might go for him but mostly she just wants food. She’s hungry.”

“In that dress no wonder,” Christopher comments, eyes dropping.

Cassius watches the woman’s bangles shift on her arm as she raises a hand to tuck dark hair behind her ear. He can’t hear them clink together from here but he can almost feel the cool weight of them, like shackles, on his own wrist.

“What does that feel like to you?” Christopher muses, after a moment, head tilting as he looks at the woman. “I’ve always wondered. When someone else wants food, or gets hungry. Does that make you hungry too?”

Cassius hums and semi-shrugs. “Not really. Doesn’t work like that,” he says. It doesn’t not work like that either. But it’s different. “It’s more like… a tug.”

“A tug?” Christopher says playfully, dragging his boy fractionally closer with a tug to his waistband. Cassius shoots him a look and snorts a laugh, swatting his hand away.

“No, not like that. It’s more like…” Cass trails off with a sigh. He reaches his hand out to play with Christopher’s lax fingers, with the gold and black signet ring he wears on his index finger. “Like the difference between hearing a song and having one caught in your head.”

Christopher hums and turns his hand up as Cassius’ fingertips trace the line of his palm. “What an interesting analogy.”

They keep going like that, through different people around the room, chatting in between. At some point, Christopher’s hand finds its way to his lower back, sneaking under the hem of his shirt there, delighting in the thrill and heat of hidden skin against skin.

“Him?”

“Attention. He’s hoping they find him funny:”

“Those two?”

“For him to stop speaking.”

Christopher keeps getting distracted from his own game part way through, stopping instead to tuck a lock of hair behind Cassius’ ear or smooth out the collar of his shirt with hands that linger.

“What about them?”

“Mm… too far away. It’s muddy.”

“Interesting.”

Cass lolls his head back to rest against the back of the couch, head resting on Christopher’s outstretched arm.

He’s had just enough champagne that his head feels light and lovely, limbs loose, cheeks warm. Booze softens the edges. But it makes everything more dangerous too. Makes the pulse and twist of wants around him louder and more tangible. And at the same time, muddier. Harder to predict.

He soothes himself with the weight of Christopher’s hand trailing up his thigh. With the feeling of Christopher’s beard brushing his cheek as the man whispers in his ear. With what’s being whispered. With the low, thrumming wants that are slowly curling into needs.

He skims the room as Christopher amuses himself. Across a waiter handing out a tray of miniature desserts, across the woman in the red dress from earlier, across a man with a face nearly the same shade who keeps glancing at them. Cass huffs a laugh, tilting his head to the side to get a better look and earns a kiss to the length of his neck. He hadn’t intended it as an invite but Christopher hums happily and it works.

“That man wants to talk to you,” Cassius murmurs, nodding in the direction of the red-faced man, who was trying determinedly now not to look directly at them, hand fidgeting in his pocket.

Christopher pulls back, following Cassius’ gaze, only to all but rolls his eyes when they land.

“What a shame for him that I am so thoroughly occupied,” he murmurs, turning back. Cass laughs the same way liquor fills a glass.

“Who is he?”

“Timothy Lyndon,” Christopher says, leaning back in close, pressing a kiss to the corner of his boy’s jaw. He’s never this affectionate in public. Never this overt. Cassius shifts his shoulder back, pressing against the crushed velvet of the couch.

“And what does he do?”

“Wave his money around and get on my nerves, mostly.” Another kiss, closer to the jugular.

“Investor?”

“Theoretically,” Christopher murmurs with a hum, and Cassius laughs again as the breath of the word traces along the side of his neck, down the collar of his shirt, wraps around his neck like the ghost of a hand.

Cass hadn’t been picked for his ability to charm a politician or small talk with an investor. He’d been picked because he made for the prettiest decoration. The status symbol with the most charming features and the wittiest side comments. The loveliest lovely thing.

He let’s it stretch out for another few minutes, closing his eyes to enjoy the buzz of the room and his head and the hands.

“Can we go home yet?” Cass sighs, hand coming up to run Christopher’s jacket lapel between his thumb and forefinger. He pouts, making the sort of petition that usually appeals, “I want to go to bed. Get these clothes off.”

Christopher hums in thought, eyes caught on something over Cassius’ shoulder. Christopher has the fucking prettiest eyes. Clear blue, flecked through with a little gold, a single dark freckle by the pupil on the left. Story book eyes. There’s something dark and darkly curious in them now.

“Hmm. Shortly,” Christopher says, absently in delayed response. “I’ve got one last mark for you, if you’re up for it.”

Cassius tilts his head to the side, cheek brushing against Christopher’s sleeve. He hums. “Go on then.”

Christopher points to whatever he’s looking towards with a smile, “That man there. What does he want?”

Cass sighs and picks his head up, looking over his shoulder to focus on a man seated by himself over by the bay window. Dark hair and light eyes. Perfect picture of well dressed. Looking directly at them.

Cassius reaches out. Tasting. Assessi-

He flinches back. Recoils. Shrinks. Christopher’s eyes flick to him with an expectant smile, those story book eyes warm and fond. Cass clears his throat, half smile on his face as he meets but can’t hold Christopher’s gaze. “He wants, uh... He wants a lot of things.”

Christopher laughs, soft and bright. “So coy, darling boy. That’s not like you.”

Cass shrugs, eyes on Christopher’s lapel, instead of his face, playing at apathy, “I’m bored with this game, it makes me dizzy.”

Christopher smiles at him, full of fondness and craving and something else that Cass refuses to give a name to. He tilts his head, expression warm the way an open flame is, “We’re not leaving until you tell me what he wants, my love. I’d endure one last round if I were you.”

Cassius holds his keepers gaze for a moment longer before he yields. He turns his head to look back at the dark haired man, now raising a hand to a server to get another drink before he looks back to them. Cassius doesn’t need to reach out to feel the want. His mind is tethered to it. Nearly hungry for it. Or not quite hungry maybe.

Just a tug.

“He wants my company for the night,” Cass mutters, barely enough volume to be heard over the chatter of the room.

Christopher smiles with a little noise of agreement, hand coming up to smooth Cassius’ collar. “And what else?”

Like he doesn’t know. Like he isn’t wanting the exact same fucking thing.

There’s no room in this conversation for any kind of plea. Any kind of bargaining or hesitation or fear. Cass folds it all up. Puts it away. Before the feelings make things complicated.

“He wants to hurt me,” he says evenly. He takes a breath, feels the tug grow stronger, says it again. “He really wants to hurt me.”

Christopher hums as though surprised. Cass would bet his contract twice over that he isn't.

“Does he now?” Christopher says, eyes never leaving the man in question. His smile could be honey, could be poison, could be prayer. “Well, then, darling boy. You better go and say hello.”

#dubcon cw #abuse of power #intimate whumper #cassius #christopher #implied or referenced noncon

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italianeyes · 3 years

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what are your favorite twilight zone episodes :0

oh hii ok i haven't finished watching it yet but these are my favorite so far (in no particular order (for the most part))! it's gonna be pretty long so i'll continue under the cut 😳

1. and when the sky was opened (s1e11)

truly my favorite twilight zone episode of all time! the plot and characters are very well written (it's based on the short story "disappearing act" by richard matheson) and also the acting is really good too like the emotions are so vibrant and effective and real just wowzers. there's this one part where the look on the guy's face is just so haunting and idk it really sticks with me. also the actors 👀👀👀 i think everyone in the 50s/60s was just really attractive but yeah. also it's #relatable but in a sad way 😔 and it makes me cry so overall 5386464/10 very good highly recommend!

2. mirror image (s1e21)

SUCH a great episode. the directing, the attention to detail, the atmosphere just mkaes it so interesting and thrilling to watch. it made me audibly gasp so much bc it's frightening. also the ending is just. wow. wow. great episode.

3. the after hours (s1e34)

omg hi good cool episode !!!!!! right? wrong!!!!!! the directing in this episode makes it ABSOLUTELY FUCKING TERRIFYING to watch!!!!!!!!!! as if mannequins aren't scary enough on their own. i love the vibe of department stores in the 50s (i really wanna live during that time period!) and the atmosphere that's created is bonechilling and eerie. very very good episode bc it feels like a fever dream and as you will see most of the episodes on this list are ones where it feels like you're losing your mind and i love that. it also does a good job of like putting the audience in the shoes of the main character.

4. perchance to dream (s1e9)

another terrifying episode? more likely than you think. this episode is a WILD RIDE (haha pun) and is the definition of a fever dream. the directing is so so so good and perfectly captures what a nightmare can feel like and it's exhilarating to watch bc it is also extremely terrifying. i once watched it to try to scare myself to sleep so i could have a nightmare just to feel something (it didn't work😔). OH YEAH ALSO THE TWIST AT THE END it spins your head i honestly didn't even see it coming WOW

5. twenty two (s2e17)

another fever dream episode!!!!!!!! so cool the directing is wow and the setting is even more wow and theres so much tension in it and the ending i wasnt expecting it at all! very solid episode perfectly crafted

6. walking distance (s1e5)

this episode made me sob so hard! it's about like growing up and revisiting your childhood and it's so tender and sad but there's a good lesson ig idc. it's #powerful and i thoroughly enjoy it but it's also painful to watch bc it is TOO RELATABLE

7. where is everybody? (s1e1)

genuinely the best pilot episode for any series that i've ever seen. it's so memorable and right off the bat makes the audience feel like they're going insane bc they don't know what the fuck is going on. this episode sets a VERY good precedent for what the rest of the show is gonna look/be like. very good one ! oh yes plot the plot was good and so was the directing but a little anticlimactic i think but whatevs.

8. two (s3e1)

this episode is so <3333333333333333 i think it's a good first episode for s3 bc honestly it gets worse ngl. it seems kinda pointless but the ending is nice and honestly it's pretty much everything i wanna see on a screen like a woman with a gun in an army uniform? are you serious?? sign me up pls 🤲🏽🤲🏽🤲🏽

9. nick of time (s2e7)

stereotypical predicting the future type episode but i really like it bc of the vibe. you know it's the 60s where there's diners and jukeboxes and milkshakes! i mean yes we have those things today but it just hits different in this episode just the vibe is chef kiss very very neat and nice and also the couple in it is really attractive. oh yeah i still like the plot tho and like what it means from a human pov like do you let a machine control your life or do you make those decisions by yourself and agree to face the conseqeunces? very neat i think ! it reminds me of the summertime that's the vibe of it i really wanna live during that time period.

10. the purple testament (s1e19)

literally everyone in this episode is SO HOT 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 god. the plot is good too but it's pretty predictable but the concept is really cool and well written and ofc the ending is also predictable but whatever !

11. a hundred yards over the rim (s2e23)

very cool episode i love the whole cowboy / western vibe i know 🤚🏽 those were dangerous and not optimal times ok but seriously the drip and the whole saloons and small town stuff? can we bring that back pls and thank you xoxo but yeah this episode is cool and it has a very empty feel to it and it makes you feel like a stranger i do like it a lot

12. showdown with rance mcgrew (s3e20)

oh i really like this one !! it's one of the only episodes i think that's like comedic on purpose. like the main character (the one in the cowboy hat) is so stupid and the way his character is written is mwah im blowing a kiss to the sky for him as we speak. the plot is alright it's like the redundant time travel so whatevs but i like this one bc it's funny:) i think after s1 the show went downhill bc u can see that they were running out of ideas so yeah. season 1 really had no reason to go that hard but it did!!

13. to serve man (s3e24)

oh yes this episode is short and sweet and gets straight to the point which i really appreciate<3 just the vibe of it is very very good and there's nothing like a great twist to top it all off! solid episode 10/10 also the girl in it is really pretty

14. the night of the meek (s2e11)

this! one!! it is SO sweet and actually has a good ending and it made me cry and it's so pure and happy and nice and christmas and i love christmas and i love this episode

15. judgement night (s1e10)

i love the trope of "one person realizes something is very very wrong in their world and they try to explain it to others but no one believes them making the main character feel like they're going crazy!" i would say this episode is haunting i don't remember like the specifics but i just remember watching it for the first time and just being like speechless and sad. the plot is very nice too and like the thought of eternal terror makes me very uncomfortable which was probs this episodes goal so good job !

essay over xoxo if u made it this far hi here's a hug<3

#thank you for this ask elliot #the twilight zone #asks #elliot #also i was gonna add a pic for each one but tumblr only allows 10 stupid

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xoruffitup · 4 years

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Adam Driver on SNL: 1/25 Dress Rehearsal Recap

I’m having dejavu of the best kind. I’m sitting here on the bus on my way back from NYC in hungover euphoria and overjoyed disbelief at everything I just experienced, texting new friends and old, recounting everything in my head and smiling so hard. The September 2018 weekend of Adam’s last SNL show lives in my memory in unmatched infamy, so my excitement was off the charts to do it all again. And because this show was absolutely fucking INCREDIBLE, this weekend delivered in every way all over again!! Seriously, my face aches from how I can’t stop smiling aksnksj HELP :’)

My friends and I were in the Dress Rehearsal, so below the cut are retellings of ALLLL the skits including those cut from the Live show - and no small amount of helpless emotional flailing.

I had an idea of what to expect after attending Adam’s 2018 show, but I nevertheless felt sky-high levels of anxiety when Sarah and we arrived at the NBC shop at 6:30. I knew rationally that our chances of getting into Dress were good with numbers #12 - 14, but every now and then there’s the occasional oddity of only a handful of Standby people getting in. Though even without any uncertainty in the equation, my entire being goes on Hyped/Anxious Overdrive anyway whenever I’m about to be in the same space as Adam sO really there’s nothing for it. :’)

They lined us up by numbers, I did a lot of emotional wobbling like “I can’t believe we’re here again together guys waaaah” (have I mentioned I met these girls at Adam’s last show? Full circle moment of the highest and most beautiful caliber and it had me hella verklempt), and thennnn - drumroll and hushed silence please - the main security guy comes up to the giant line and asks the first 20 people to come with him.

As they constantly remind you throughout this thoroughly nerve-wracking process, there is no guarantee you’ll actually get into the show until you’re physically in the seat. It’s a long, harrowing trip from the NBC store where the line gathers, up stairs, elevators, and through hallways to reach the studio, and you can still be cut even as far as the very last checkpoint if all seats fill up with the people ahead of you. So as you get closer, the excitement spikes higher and higher but so does the worry! We went through security, and then I clung to our new Standby line friend Catherine’s arm as they lined us up two-by-two on the first staircase, with Sarah and @reylonly right behind. I was likely extremely annoying as I couldn’t help being rambly and weird in my nerves and compulsively hugging my girls’ arms. @reylonly did her very best to calm my hot mess down, bless her.

About 45 minutes later (Maybe? I had no idea what time was, lbr) we reached the final point of the elevator and last hallway, and were held just outside the studio. THEN - the woman there instructed the next 4 to follow her in (thank GOD because we were terrified of being split up), WE WENT INTO THE STUDIO WHEW YAYAY OMFG WE WERE THERE!!! - but then oh no it happened so fast that she pointed @reylonly down to a single seat in the center and then the other 3 of us to seats towards the left side of the stage. They were all single seats, but thank GOSH they were all end seats of rows right next to each other. So Sarah was right in front of me and I could grab her shoulder (which I would do a lot in increasingly desperate excitement over the next 2 hours), and Catherine and I could reach across the aisle to cling to each other’s hands! @reylonly was on her own but in an incredible seat, and during commercial breaks we would lean forward to wave and blow kisses to each other and mime flailing or crying as one incredible sketch after another played out in front of us. I made sure to be friendly and talk to the people sitting next to me so they wouldn’t be too annoyed with me and Sarah always grabbing at each other, but LOL they probably thought I was at least a little insane. I mean, maybe for the moment alone when I saw a girl I’d made friends with in line but then lost track of in a seat not too far from me, and we started waving and dabbing at each other. Once we were seated there in the studio, all the anxiety gave way to surging excitement and I was practically bouncing in my seat, so overjoyed to be there and see my dear fandom friends there with me!

Michael Che warmed up the audience with some standup, the House band jammed, and Sarah and I momentarily got Extremely Excited when we saw them setting up the hell backdrop set for the cold open and thought at the time it was supposed to be Tattooine for a Star Wars skit, lolol. But then the actual show started, and with our Adam-eagle eyes Catherine reached out to whisper “there he is! In the blonde wig!” And, heart in my throat no matter how many times I see this man in person, I frantically squinted at all the people waiting just off to the side of the set until I saw that unmistakably Tol Broad back, and then he stepped onto the set and into the lighted camera’s view and I was cheering and clapping so hard for his first appearance that I couldn’t hear who he was supposed to be playing. xD I was just tapping Sarah’s shoulder in front of me, bouncing in my seat a little, and trying not to start levitating with the sheer force of my excitement and joy to be there.

OKAY from here I’ll break this up by skit! Anything that was different or missing from the Live show I put in bold font if you want to skip to that! Starting with...

Intro Monologue

WHAT A GOOD MONOLOGUE, ITS LIKE THEY JUST LET ADAM RUN WITH IT AND WRITE IT HIMSELF IT WAS SO HIM AND HILARIOUS AND WEIRD AND YET CHARMING IDEK I WILL NEVER COMPREHEND THE WONDER OF THIS MAN??

So when he dropped the bomb of “I’m a husband and a FATHER” I clapped Sarah’s shoulder SO HARD, then he made he joke ��I’ve made it very clear to my son that he’s second in everything” and I could not bELIEVE the wonder of what I was hearing omfg. I heard the words “my son” come out of his mouth with my own ears WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED, SURE AS HELL NOT ME????

Then he went into the audience to demonstrate how “approachable” he is and was so awk/weird/hilarious I was just losing it, then took his time meandering around the stage and making weird faces into the camera and I was just LOSING IT. And AKSKSJA after that he wandered over to another camera that was lower and kind of hummed as he lifted his shirt and put it over the camera so we got a full on belly button view for 2 unbelievable glorious seconds!! He looked up at the monitors as he was doing it and went “oh you can’t see anything” so that’s probably why he sadly didn’t flash his belly in the Live show.

“Cheer” with Adam as one of the team coaches

I’m going by the skit order in Dress, and this one was first after the monologue. Best part for me was the accent reminiscent of Clyde Logan. :3 But tbh, of the 6 skits they did for the Live show, I kind of wish this one had been swapped for the one performed last in Dress that was sO Wild and would have made fandom absolutely lose its shit aksnksal more to come on that.

UNDERCOVER BOSS AKA RANDY THE INTERN

THE BEST GIFT WE COULD HAVE RECEIVED!! BLESS YOU SNL AND ADAM FOR GIVING US KYLO CONTENT TO BE HAPPY OVER AND LOVE WHOLE HEARTEDLY. T___T

Honestly, I cannot even properly describe my reaction when the Undercover Boss intro logo appeared on all the monitors oHMYLoRDDD. I nearly leapt out of my seat, like my heart nearly jumped clear out of my chest oh my fuck and I was legit holding onto Sarah so much I almost slid out of my seat - I just couldn’t believe it and I cheered SO LOUD. The entire audience erupted with this “HOLY SHIT” vibe outburst and I was SO happy to be there in that moment - knowing that our entire fandom was only hours away from this!! I honestly didn’t expect it at all - after they didn’t do one of these the second time Adam was on, I thought there was no chance. But IT HAPPENED AND IT WAS SO QUALITY HILARIOUS WE ARE SO BLESSED - THANK YOU TO RANDY’S LIL BEANIE AND VEST AND HIPSTER PANTS.

Pretty sure I like half curled up on myself laughing so hard my feet left the floor at OK BOOMER. And at the part with “will Rey take his hand?” I swear MY SOUL NEAR LEFT MY BODY I MEAN IS THIS THE REAL LIFE IS THIS JUST FANTASYYYY

..... Can someone come promise me we really didn’t just collectively hallucinate that??

SAG Awards Fashion Red Carpet

I’m not too disappointed this one was cut. Of all the amazing skits performed, I would have ranked this one lower. Adam and Kenan Thompson were fashion critics talking about celebs’ looks on the SAG red carpet. A minute in Adam says, “We should be paying more attention to the kids!” Kenan: *nervous laugh* “uh, should we??” Adam starts talking about/admiring the outfits for like Finn Wolfhard etc, with hilarious but bordering creepy descriptions like “masculine but not quite fully grown,” until Kenan is like “umm maybe we shouldn’t be talking about kids this much?”

They interview a girl who’s supposed to be Jojo Siwa and Adam’s like “you should know I think you’re beautiful. Kids need to hear more often that they’re beautiful.” Kenan panics, going “alRIGHT we’re gonna cut back to the studio now!” The skit ended with Adam: “I got a ticket to the Nickelodeon afterparty and I’m gonna swipe one of those kids in my pocket!”

“Slow” Digital Short

HONESTLY, this competes with Undercover Boss for my favorite skit of the night. I can’t even tell you - I had literal tears running down my face I was laughing SO fucking hard during this entire thing. From the first moment we heard Adam’s deep-ass voice I absolutely and entirely lost my shit oh my GOD. We’d been so pumped for Adam in some kind of rap sketch when we saw the photos of him and Kenan filming the day before, but it was SO FUCKING GOOD. I will never ever in all my days not bust out laughing at “Bring that ass here” and “In a 65 hour lane going 2” aksnskns I’m on the bus struggling to fight back laughter just thinking about it SEND HELP!!!

It’s just brilliant. The turtle next to his expensive loafers. His cheesy sunglasses. That shot of his glorious bare arms. His deep voice “Baby” when they’re at the door and “But I brought ice cream” oh my god I love it so much BLESS YOU SNL BLESS YOU. I never in all my days thought I’d get Adam rapping but it’s every single thing I never knew I needed.

Del Taco Commercial / “Aw Man I’m All Outta Cash!”

ADAM’S SLEAZY LOOKING LONG WIG LMAO. This one was a wild and funny time once you got into it and just let it go. Once Kyle, Beck, and Adam were all yelling the line and Adam went “You don’t want to kill yourself, you just want a taco, Jesus” everyone was ROLLING. I think the only difference (is this even worth color coding lol) was that after Kyle took his pants off Adam kept slapping his thigh during Dress bahaha.

“Hot Dad” Adam dealing with a clogged toilet at a teenaged girls’ sleepover

Adam and Kate McKinnon comedy together YES PLEASE. This one was all the same as far as I can remember, but I will say that a woop/cheer rose from the people sitting near the set for this one at the line about Adam being a “hot Dad.” Yep sounds about right.

(Halsey’s first song, Weekend Update)

Medieval Renaissance Fair

You can’t have Adam host SNL without giving him some ridiculous character skit ala Oil Baron Parnassus. I absolutely loved how intense and deep he was for this kind of nonsense xD We can thank this skit for giving us footage of Adam yelling “Whore!” and spitting, lmao. Also.... I’ll just say in that outfit and wig he looked even Extra Big in comparison to everyone around him.

Courtroom Trial / Sinbad on Cameo

I’m also okay with this one being cut, but I was biased to enjoy the hell out of it live because the set was right in front of where I was sitting and I had such a perfect view of him. <3

Adam was supposed to be the defendant in a case where a female coworker claims he harassed her by sending “threatening” videos. Adam goes up on the stand and the prosecutor asks “are you familiar with these videos?” Cut over to Kenan Thompson, who’s pretending to be Sinbad on the app Cameo, making videos for the woman that are like “Hey you better give Mark a chance! Otherwise he might come after you!” Adam responds with disbelief: “I have no idea who this Sinbad person is and frankly, your honor, this is pissing me off.” Kenan acts a few more videos which keep getting funnier because he keeps eating things or being in crowded public places while filming them. But in the final video he references Adam’s character’s name so it’s clear he was the one requesting the videos. Adam gets all sad on the stand: “It doesn’t matter. No one likes me anyway!” It ends with Kenan as Sinbad crashing into the courtroom in person.

This was more Kenan’s skit as he really was hilarious, but someone had to explain to me afterwards who Sinbad is and how the Cameo app works so I didn’t quite ~get it while watching. BUT more importantly - Adam looked great despite the weird brown wig he had on. During the second of Kenan’s videos when the cameras were on Kenan instead, Adam’s face definitely started quivering with suppressed laughter until he visibly locked it down like NO FOCUS ADAM. Most of my attention stayed fixed on the buttons of his shirt because hOOo boy were they straining! Without me even saying anything, Catherine reached across the aisle for me immediately afterwards and whispered, “That shirt did /not/ fit well.” OH YES I NOTICED >:33

PBS Science Show

Another one which was performed right directly in front of us!! I already knew this was going to be a good one because Adam went right over to the skeleton mannequin when he came on set and started playing with it, like making the arm and wrist wiggle around. The biggest dork cutie you’ll ever see.

He was standing right under me, which meant once he started handling the balloon I got mighty distracted watching his MASSIVE hands around that tiny-looking balloon. >:)) Then I cracked up so hard when he got exasperated and threw something back against the window. WE GOT TO SEE HIM SMASH SOMETHING IN PERSON YESSSS

Ketchup bottles

Oh my GOD EVERYTHING WAS AMAZING ABOUT THIS ONE FROM START TO FINISH. The best part though might have been the prep beforehand. Someone carried the giant Ketchup and hot sauce bottles onto the set before the actors came on and we were like wtf? (For a minute I was triggered remembering Kanye coming on in his Perrier bottle during the 2018 show) But THEN Adam and Cecily Strong came on in big red shirts and people started lifting the giant plastic bottles over them and LOL we realized where this was going. They definitely struggled for a minute getting Adam’s bottle up over his head because of his height xD People in the audience were already laughing just watching this costume set up, and once Adam got the bottle on a WOOT cheer rose which I later learned was none other than @reylonly aka my hero. It was followed by someone yelling “THATS HOT”, which akndosjan made Adam laugh and raise his arms with a hilarious little shimmy in the bottle. He really seemed to be enjoying himself during the whole show, but during this ridiculous and incredibly hilarious skit especially so.

Game Night / Movie Quote Competition

OKAY this is the skit it’s a real tragedy didn’t make it on air! There were lines in this I couldn’t beLiEvE my ears were hearing, and if we ever get a recording I’m pretty sure the fandom would basically implode.

Three couples are sitting around a living room having a game night. Adam is sitting with Kate McKinnon with his arm around her. After they finish playing Settlers of Catan, Heidi Gardner suggests they play a movie quote game where one of them says a line from a movie and the rest have to guess the movie. She is clearly very into it, and the others reluctantly agree. It quickly becomes clear that Adam is just as good at the game as she is, and they immediately start becoming competitive. They reach the point where they quote three lines from Captain Phillips in a row, trying to trick each other. As the game gets more heated, they exchange aggressive flirty banter such as:

Heidi: You really know your movie quotes, huh? Adam: Yeah I do. Heidi: And with some BDE over there. Adam: Yeah, I got that too.

AND !!!!!!!!!!

Heidi: You’re quite the movie flick daddy. Adam: I’m the world’s biggest flick daddy.

!!!!!!!!! HE CALLED HIMSELF A DADDY HELP CALL 911 EMERGENCY !!!!!!!!!!

The game keeps escalating until Kate tries to calm Adam down and he brushes her off. Everyone else tries to tell Heidi to relax, and she responds “What?! I’m supposed to lie back and let (Kate’s character’s name)’s hot husband rail me??”

I WAS FLOATING ON THE CEILING BY THIS POINT, I literally couldn’t believe what my ears were hearing alsdfjsldafjlsdkfj!

It gets to the point where they’re both standing, shouting completely vague snippets of lines at each other while the other continues to guess correctly. Until finally Adam exclaims, “I got a good one!” He grabs her and fULL ON kisses her.

(Pictures from The Adam Driver Files twitter.)

Immediately afterwards she goes, “I know! That was the kiss from (Movie X - I can’t remember the exact title).” Adam: “HOW DID YOU KNOW?!” Heidi: “From how you moved your tongue!”

I’m still reeling from this one. Adam calling himself a daddy, talk of “getting railed” by him, and intense kissing?! Oh my lORDDDD. I’m still trying to keep it playing on a loop in my ears. I’m not sure if we as a fandom could collectively survive a full video of this, but GOD I hope we get the chance to test ourselves. RELEASE THE UNAIRED VIDEO, YOU NBC COWARDS!!!

FLICK DADDY INDEED

...Aaaaaaand that was a wrap! After 10 skits and nearly 2.5 hours, it literally felt like I had run a marathon at a full sprint. I was just trying to process everything I’d just witnessed, while trying to focus on committing every single thing to memory. I just couldn’t believe the range of amazing and hilarious things I’d just seen Adam doing: Play a talking ketchup bottle, call himself a daddy, awkwardly talk about feminine products clogging his toilet, yell “WHORE” then spit and swing a medieval mace around, rap hilariously, and yell about umami?? It was all almost TOO MUCH.

For full-circle and emotional fulfillment reasons, I wore my Save Ben Solo shirt to the show just like I did at the 2018 show. I had debated beforehand whether it would be too bittersweet to wear it after TROS, but now I’m so glad I did. All these hilarious and zany skits were just what we all needed to continue the cycle of fandom excitement and positivity despite the last month. I’m so incredibly grateful to SNL for such great material for Adam to work with and us to laugh at, and for giving us the perfect reminder that there’s still so much to whole-heartedly appreciate and love. Most of all, Adam himself. <3

THANK YOU SNL AND ADAM FOR ANOTHER LIFE-HIGHLIGHT WEEKEND! <3

#Adam Driver #Saturday Night Live #SNL #driverdaily

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idiotacadamia · 4 years

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Book Review

Book: Fahrenheit 451

Author: Ray Bradbury

Genre: Dystopian, Science Fiction

Stars: 4 ½ stars

Fun Fact: This fact isn't really fun but it is quite creepy. The inspiration for the book came from Adolf Hitler. When Bradbury was asked about it he said, “Well, Hitler, of course. When I was 15, he burned the books in the streets of Berlin. Then along the way I learned about the libraries in Alexandria burning 5000 years ago. That grieved my soul. Since I'm self-educated, that means my educators—the libraries—are in danger. And if it could happen in Alexandria, if it could happen in Berlin, maybe it could happen somewhere up ahead, and my heroes would be killed,’

Actual fun fact: Fahrenheit 451 has been banned in some schools. Schools who are completely unaware of the irony in doing so.

What is the book about? No spoilers!

Guy Montag is a fireman. In his world, books are illegal and his job is to burn them as well as the houses that contain them. Montag never questions his habits of destruction until he runs into Clarrise, his eccentric young neighbour who introduces him to their past, where firemen supposedly put out fires instead of starting them. When his wife attempts suicide and Clarrise disappears, he suddenly questions everything he has ever known.

Did I enjoy the book? Why/ why not?

I really enjoyed this book for several reasons. Not only was it one of my favourite genres (dystopian) but it was fast paced and kept my interest during the majority of the book. I was quite nervous at the concept of the book and how the author was going to portray it. However after reading it, I was pleasantly surprised with how well it was written and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I would recommend this book to readers who enjoy dystopian novels and would like to read a classic. I think the writing style is quite easy to understand however the fast pacing of the book can sometimes throw you off.

What would I improve about this book?

While this book was a pretty amazing book all round, I did have a few issues with it. Sometimes when describing things, the author got too caught up in it and it would completely baffle me. He could have been trying to build suspense in not actually naming what he was describing but it felt more of a hunk of information that confused you rather than a suspenseful build up. I think he does this a lot during this book which is a shame because the rest of it is so beautifully written in my opinion.

What would I add? Spoilers!

I'm not really sure how I feel about the way he formatted the sections of the book. While I think it definitely helped me ( the world's biggest procrastinator) read the book faster, it only did so because I hate putting a book down in the middle of a chapter. But the lack of chapters did put me off at first. I definitely would NOT KILL CLARISSE. However, that's me coming at this with my reader mindset and not my writer mindset. I think we all get emotional to say the least, when your favourite character is presumed dead by a really annoying twat.

What was my favourite part?

While I liked Part 1, Part 2 really captured my heart. I feel that the eerie and uncomfortable feeling that Bradbury created in Part 1 almost put me off the book entirely but looking at the book overall, that scene development did a lot for setting the tone for the book. My favourite part in particular though is definitely the end of Part 2 and beginning of Part 3. Montag and Beatty are driving to a house to burn it and right at the last moment of that part, Montag is hit with the realisation that they have pulled up right outside his own house. I in a way, felt this moment foreshadowing. I felt that it was going to happen eventually however my predictions originally were that Beatty was going to make Montag burn down Faber’s house. I was really prepared to feel some angst but then BOOM! They are outside Montag's house and the beginning of Part 3 has Mildred ( Montag's wife) fleeing the house! You find that Mildred called the alarm on her own house and husband and then ran away. I was really pleased to find that the suspense that Bradbury built up for this part was not put to waste. I really was put into that feeling or possibility that something is going to go awfully wrong very very soon.

Who was my favourite character? Why?

My favourite character was Clarisse. She reminded me of looking at the historical and philosophical side of things which I think is really necessary to be able to make judgments that are supposedly morally ‘correct’. She was super eccentric and seemed like the kind of person who didn’t let the judgements of people around her influence the way she behaved or saw things which again is really important to me. She has this really calm and omniscient kind of vibe which I feel that this book really needed. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see any sort of character development within her because she is killed off within Part 1- The Hearth and the Salamander. However, I really loved seeing how her words really influenced Guy Montag and his entire outlook on life. This book without her would have never happened.

Who did you hate? Why?

I didn't ‘hate’ Mildred but she reminded me of everything I never wanted to become. I have to say that I was really mad at Montag when he slapped her. I really couldn’t stand violence between 2 people who are meant to ‘love’ each other, even though Montag and Clarisse establish from early on that they don’t really love each other. I think my main reason hating Mildred wasn’t her neediness but her great betrayal on her husband. I didn’t have any strong feelings until Part 3, Burning Bright when I found out that Mildred called the alarm on her own husband and then proceeded to run away from the house. As someone who really believes in loyalty, I was furious. I feel that that move Mildred made was really cowardly. However, I do stand with the fact that at the beginning, Mildred is portrayed in quite a bad lighting. Bradbury tries to portray her to show that she is a bad wife for forgetting important things such as when she and Montag first met or how she is obsessed with watching TV to the extent where she calls them family. I think that the way Bradbury portrayed her was trying to hide that she was seriously unhappy with her life and in a way depressed. Bradbury portrays Mildred as a shell of a human being devoid of any sincere emotional, intellectual or spiritual substance and I really hated that. I feel that Mildred had the potential to be a great character but she is purposely portrayed to be cold, distant and unreadable. She, in a way, is what was considered to be the ‘perfect wife’ at the time of this being written and yet you witness how she buries all emotions of despair and emptiness deep inside of her because she is afraid to come to the realisation that she, just like her husband, is unhappy and sees no purpose to living. Bradbury really tries to emphasise that Mildred is much less satisfied with her life by having her attempt suicide and then proceed to have no memory of it; which further intails the severity of Mildred’s behaviour. She watches TV obsessively to hide her lack of feeling and despair within herself and has therefore created great attachments with the people on said TV to the point where she associates them as ‘Family’. I disliked Mildred because she had so much potential but instead Bradbury uses her character to portray betrayal.

Was the book predictable?

Other than predicting that Montag would definitely read some books, a lot of the things that occurred within this book took me by surprise. In fact, going into this book, I knew nothing except that books were illegal and firemen were meant to burn them. I remember gasping when realised that Mildred was getting her stomach pumped because she attempted suicide. I was more comfortable reading this due to my history in reading this genre. I was expecting a big twist like in many books in a similar genre but I simply had no idea what it was going to be. The book definitely kept me gripped and I didn’t feel like I had to push myself to read it which is always a good thing when reading. The overarching plot was simple, books are banned and this dude is going to go and read some books. Like most books it had small plots intertwined to keep it moving. Bradbury does an excellent job at this because the plots are all related and don’t overcomplicate.

How did you feel about the ending?

This may have not been my favourite part. In fact at first I didn’t like the ending however after much consideration, I have very different opinions. I understand that Bradbury tries to illustrate violence throughout the novel and the beginning of the war depicts the new extremes of violence which destroys society and its infrastructure. The ending altogether shows the inevitable self-destruction of such an oppressive society and yet a glimmer of hope. I love how it feels so relevant to the situation today. The mass majority of us are part of a minority whom are oppressed, whether you are of colour, female or queer and many more. Bradubury foreshadows that if we oppress what actually creates our society, if we oppress those with different views, if we oppress those who are different, out of the fear that they will overcome us, we are bound to self-destruct. Those who today feel safe by suppressing those of colour or muslims because they are ‘terrorists’ or ‘thugs’ or ‘drug dealers’ will be the ultimate downfall of themselves. Remember ‘Security is mortals chiefest enemy’ as Hecate said.

What do you think about the character and scene development?

As this book was not very hard to understand, I feel like I didn’t pay much attention to the development of the characters and scenery (thank god for my notes). Looking back at the character of Guy Montag, I feel that it didn’t fulfill the potential it was given during Part 1. This may be because of the fact that when starting the book, the reader witnesses Montag change his mind about burning books quite quickly. I would have loved to see more resistance to his curiosity or more loyalty to the ‘law’ . However, I do think that the development you witness later on later on in Parts 2&3 is much better. We witness Montag lose complete control as he becomes more erratic and inarticulate; thus the results of his actions are quite horrific; for example, when he finds himself burning his captain (Beatty) to death. However, it also gives us a glimpse into his deepest desires to rebel against the status quo and find a meaningful way to live.

Favourite quote?

This was super hard to choose. In fact are so many quotes from this book that I felt were absolutely amazing so I will definitely be posting those separately from this. My all time favorite quote though was

“What is there about fire that is so lovely? No matter what age we are, what draws us to it?” -

Beatty, Part II - The Sieve and the Sand.

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longitud-de-onda · 4 years

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Wait I have a question. Why don't you like PotC 5? I'm just wondering cuz I enjoyed it but I hated the 4th one? And At World's End is my least favorite of the first three, so I'm just curious to hear your thoughts.

okay so you asked for it, so i’m gonna rant for a bit about 4 and 5 *cracks knuckles*

my ranking is 1, 4, 3, 2, 5, because the first is objectively a masterpiece, and you know what? i actually thoroughly enjoyed the 4th. 2 and 3 were great, not amazing, but they had some nice visuals and good music, great characters/acting, and were well directed. (3 is for me above 2 because it embodies crackhead energy, especially in the 1st hour)

i think the plot for 4 was good for a standalone film, and i liked all the new characters, plus that one imo has the best soundtrack. the whole searching for the fountain of youth felt very predictable for a pirate film, but i think because they went with it, it was simple enough for it to work. also, not sure why, but i find it hella impressive that that movie managed to be the most expensive movie ever filmed? like that fact alone means there were just enough dumbasses on the production team for me to vibe with? also penelope cruz was one of those women who definitely revealed my gayness to me, so that might have influenced me.

the 5th for me felt a bit like they were trying to replace elizabeth and will. then the whole flying dutchman ‘curse can be broken’ thing didn’t fit with what they had set up in the 2nd and 3rd films, and the whole salazar thing didn’t work for me (even though it is one of my loves, javier bardem). i was really excited for 5 cause the directors did kon tiki, one of my fave films, and i was kind of excited from the trailers? but it felt too much like they were tyring to make it fit with the orignal ‘trilogy’ and i think it’d have gone better if they had made it more of a standalone with familiar characters type movie?

both 4 and 5 need work on their screenplays, direction, and some originality, but i think 4 managed to pull it off, whereas 5 was kind of lackluster.

#1-800-fandomtrashqueen #ask camila

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lightsandlostbells · 5 years

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Skam France, season 3, episode 1 reaction

here we go again

So I’m actually pretty intrigued going into this season, because on the one hand, I had some giant problems with Skam France’s first two seasons, and I know a lot of people felt that it was one of the weaker remakes (myself included). On the other hand, unlike with S2, they were able to adjust for viewer feedback with S3, possibly course correcting for some of the common complaints, and they’ve promised a lot of changes to a beloved story. It will be interesting to see how much Skam France grows into its own this season.

Also that Maxence guy sure has a face

I was not a fan of Skam France’s S1 and S2; up to this point, I’d say it’s my least favorite remake. So upfront, here are my main concerns going into the season:

The biggest problem with S1 and S2 was that it was such a copy and paste of the original show, to the point where it didn’t make sense a lot of the time. It was often like they’d redone 80-90% of the original material, with some slight changes, but then they failed to account for how those slight changes would affect the story or the scene. So we got weird inconsistencies and contradictions because the writers didn’t take out stuff from the original that no longer made sense. Or jokes or events happening without the setup that made it work. Characterization that didn’t feel natural or play to the actors’ strengths. Now we have learned that apparently the Skam France crew wanted to do more changes but were told to not stray too much, and that they have been given much more leeway to deviate from the original show with their S3 and S4. S3 and especially S4 are supposed to be heavily changed; I really hope they’re not exaggerating and that they’re going to be making bigger changes like story elements and plot structure, to the point where we can’t predict the upcoming clips based on the original show.

Skam France lacks a lot of the authenticity of the original and other remakes, such as casting older professional actors for many of the roles, or the overall more “polished” look and vibe of the show. Which cannot be changed at this point, and which does not bother everyone, but for me it can seriously detract from the material. It’s one thing to watch spotty teens act like spotty teens and screw up and act immature; it’s another to watch 22-25 year-old hotties make the same mistakes on screen, because I can’t completely reconcile the fact that maybe they should know better by now, heh. Rawness and vulnerability are such an essential part of Skam’s storytelling and so they need to account for that. Actually I think that’s why they reaaaaally need to dig deep into the quiet and “mundane” moments, because often those come across as some of the most emotionally fragile.

Don’t hate me: Lucas was one of my least favorite characters on Skam France in the previous seasons and my least favorite Isak across Skams. (I mean, it had to be one of them?) It’s nothing against the actor as a person but I always felt like he was acting rather than giving a natural performance. And not gonna lie, I was kind of creeped out by him in a way I haven’t felt with other Isaks. Like when he was snaking Emma, or when she called him on it and he had to respond, I didn’t get any sense of ambiguity or conflict or messiness - there was something a little blank and robotic about the way he was reacting. Not just in an “Isak is putting on a fake persona” way but in a “I would not be surprised if this dude had a collection of human heads in a freezer somewhere” way. But I am willing to give him another chance! There is more emotional range from his character in this season, and hopefully love will bring out more softness in him. With the changes to S3, maybe they’ll also play more to his strengths, and incorporate more organic and original moments so he’s not stuck recreating Isak’s greatest hits.

Scenes are RUSHED to fit the time limits per episode. This I dread, because S3 has so many scenes that are dependent on the pacing. Part of the effectiveness of Hjernen er alene or Minutt for minutt, for example, was that we got to listen to the long pauses, the silence. The scenes felt languid and peaceful and took time to let the atmosphere build. Skam France frequently didn’t have time for that, and consequently the mood of the clip often didn’t land, the actors had to rush through their dialogue instead of sinking into their characters’ emotions thoroughly. The best way to fix this would be to rewrite scenes so they’re not rushed - like instead of trying to cram a seven minute scene into four, rewrite the scene so there’s only four minutes of material, if you get what I mean. Or write a new scene that works within the time frame. Eliminate scenes that might not be necessary - personally every scene in Skam S3 feels necessary to me, but that might not be the case with Skam France S3 due to changes in the story.

Overuse of music. Skam France is one of several remakes that use music in almost every clip, typically in predictable ways - song starts clip, song ends clip over the credits. It lessens the impact of the soundtrack and makes it feel more obligatory and less vital to the scenes. So stick to music that matters and helps the tone or impact of the clips, rather than shoehorning it just because.

The directing could feel detached/distant in a way that didn’t serve the material. At the same time, sometimes it also got so OTT and soap opera-ish that it was comical. Hopefully they can find a balance that serves the characters’ emotions without going overboard.

Previously they filmed two seasons at one so they couldn’t make changes based on viewer feedback. That’s still in effect here, as we’re getting both S3 and S4 this spring. If there’s something people hate about S3, they can’t change it in S4. However, they did have plenty of time to incorporate feedback from the first two seasons before making S3 and S4, so I do have a lot of hope that they have fixed some of the biggest flaws. We know that they have changed a title of an episode to be “the boy who was afraid of the dark” so I believe they have changed the rebirth symbolism from Skam S3 into something different, probably light and dark symbolism to match Lucas’ name associations with light, and that is a huge step in the right direction.

Anyway, that’s out of the way, so here’s the actual episode.

Episode 1

Clip 1 - Sad reflection time

The very first clip of the season is new and not an adaptation, so that’s a promising start.

Lucas is sitting alone on a bench in a park. Lots of social media WhatsApp messages and Facebook notifications going off. The boy squad is talking about going to Emma’s party later and bringing beer and weed. Lucas stares moonily at man-woman pairs and a group of girls. I don’t think either do much for him. He puts the phone in his pocket. He sees a group of dudes and is perhaps more affected, so maybe he finds one of them attractive, or he’s just reminded of his own social situation, wishing he could be completely relaxed with his squad and not hiding a secret from them. The title of this clip was “Disconnected” which he obviously is, surrounded by people but still alone. He blue steels into the distance as we cut to the title card.

I usually save social media comments for the end, but the best part of this clip is the juxtaposition with Lucas’ IG post made right before this clip. A shot of the park, about him living his best life. Of course that’s some giant irony, because we know from the clip that he’s not living his best life, he’s detached from everyone around him and unhappy. So either he made that post with a lot of sarcasm, or specifically to put up the appearance that he’s fine. Or both.

Clip 2 - Good thing they were on the ground floor?

WILD N CRAZY TEEN PARTY TIME

Daphne is talking to a girl, but gets interrupted when a guy enters to make out with the girl. Daphne is like … OK then! And walks away. Daphne, my #1 of Skam France, I missed you the most.

Daphne goes to dance with Emma who also is drawn away by make-outs, this time with Raptor Alex. Daphne again is like ... OK then! She looks around and sees so many couples making out at this party. So I guess she’s gonna feel romantically and sexually frustrated like Vilde did in S3.

I got a laugh at her trying to connect with that younger girl over not connecting with anyone, when some dude swoops in to kiss that girl. Poor Daphne, trying to assert her older wisdom, be so helpful, and it didn’t work out.

In the kitchen we see our French boy squad. Arthur (glasses), Basile (no glasses), and Yann and Lucas of course.

Can I just say, thanks Skam France for adding to the scant glasses rep across these damn remakes? It’s wild to me that there are so few characters who have glasses in the Skam Extended Universe. There’s Amira from Druck, Luca from wtFOCK, Poonam from Skam Austin ... errr… that guy who sat next to Noora in S1 … some of the theater kids ... did I forget anyone?

Lucas talks about an attractive girl by saying, “Who cares about the size of the boobs?” which is truly a 100% authentic statement from a bonafide Kinsey 0 heterosexual man, yessir.

They’re interrupted by a girl running to the sink to puke. The boy squad is really funny with their reactions, Arthur is already winning me over with his facial expressions. I laughed at Arthur and Yann in the background when Lucas is flirting.

French Emma is called Chloé. Lucas gets Basile to take over hair-holding duties. Not gonna lie, I don’t really buy Lucas as this dude with mad game when Yann is right there (or Arthur, probably). Yann has got to be just as smooth. But they gave Lucas more helpful dialogue, I guess? It’s still slick like Isak but a little milder, he’s trying to calm down Chloé, he doesn’t neg her. So perhaps that helped him win her over.

He also shotguns with her which would be smooth except about 3% of the smoke made it into her mouth, but then again she seems like a novice so she probably didn’t care.

Their moment is interrupted by Maria hacking some more, but soon she and the other boys leave, and Lucas and Chloé make out. This is a pretty big divergence from Isak, who started making out with Emma while his friends were present. It was all a performance, and he clearly got uncomfortable once he was alone with Emma and eventually shuts it down. Lucas’ flirting is presumably a performance, too, but he could’ve stopped it after the boys left. Instead he goes forward with it.

Lucas does not start to show signs of discomfort until they’ve moved to the hallway and Chloé is unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his neck. We didn’t really see him show much doubt up until this point - like we saw Isak take a moment to gather himself when he realized he would have to flirt with Emma in the bathroom, the boys were pointing out it was “his girl.” But Lucas didn’t seem to falter until this point. I wish they’d shown more conflict earlier in the clip since they are emphasizing him putting on an act (like with the IG post). IDK if there’s also more of a self-imposed struggle he’s going through - maybe he’s also putting more pressure on himself to hook up with girls, not just to look straight but to be straight? It seemed like he might have even gone through with hooking up with Chloé had the cops not come up to the door. He was even starting to kiss her neck back.

When the cops show up, he takes advantage of the distraction and literally runs away from Chloé and jumps out a window, which is HILARIOUS, except this dude just dropped the weed on the floor in plain sight. Lucas, you’re a dingus.

I want jumping out of the window to become some symbolic running gag much like Isak struggling with his locker was, like every time Lucas has a problem he jumps out of the nearest window, in an increasingly dramatic fashion with glass spraying everywhere or him leaping out of an exploding building several stories onto the roof of a car. Doesn’t matter the situation, if there’s a window and an issue he doesn’t want to face, he ain’t gonna take the stairs. And I guess at one point the window won’t open so he has to stop jumping and running from his problems, and then his version of O Helga Natt involves climbing up and going through a window. But mostly the increasingly dramatic exits.

Clip 3 - Mika, Lisa, Manon, and a cranky gay hamster

The Skam France team got the most important detail of Isak’s season right, which is the box of tissues beside Lucas’ bed.

When Lucas wakes up he has a text from his mom, a message about going to church and praying for God to punish Lucas’ father for his sins, which SURE IS SOME SHIT. That isn’t just happy cloud religion, it’s hoping a vengeful God will strike down your enemies.

The text itself seems … coherent? Just religious. IDK if anything was lost in translation. Isak’s mom’s texts often seemed more rambling, or straight-up Bible verses about sin.

But hurrah, they’re keeping the religious themes in this season! Lucas is another Biblical name so I’m interested to see how they develop that symbolism.

Lucas’ mom says she is praying for the both of them and that she misses him, so there’s more of a sense of wanting to connect with her son - like Isak’s mom’s texts were pretty intimidating and I could see how he’d feel closed off from them and would find them more judgmental and a sign of her mental illness more than anything, not necessarily a sign of her missing her son. Lucas’ mom is more clearly reaching out to him, I guess he’s just not responding or giving anything back.

Yann texts Lucas that the police found stuff at Emma’s, and he wants to know if Lucas has the weed. Lucas is trying to find the weed when Mika and Lisa come in with Manon on the phone. Lucas does not greet Manon with enthusiasm although we will see that they’ve got a fairly warm relationship.

Mika has an Alt Er Love phone case, which is very cute and a sweet nod to Skam! Every season of Skam France so far has had a shout-out to the original show, which I think is a nice gesture.

Mika says Lucas has problems like “how to get a girl to deflower him” which sure is an interesting comment. Either Mika truly does not suspect anything, which is doubtful, IMO, or he’s just covering for him in front of Manon or trying to make Lucas feel like they don’t know his secret, which is considerate of him.

Mika compares Lucas to no better than a hamster because all he does is sleeps, eats, and poops, like a hamster and Lisa thinks that it would’ve been better to get a hamster. Lucas gives her an offended look. LMAO.

Manon is being nice to Lucas, which is sweet of her. She has Lucas show off the apartment. So this is a different apartment from season 2? Were they not able to get the other one? Occam’s Razor, I assume this was a filming/location issue.

Manon asks about the rent and Lucas says his dad feels bad because he can’t take him in, so he’s helping Lucas out. Wasn’t Manon supposed to pay for Lucas’ rent because her parents didn’t know she was moving out of the flat and in with Charles? I guess their patronage stopped because she couldn’t avoid telling them that she was leaving for London with Charles. Which makes me wonder why they bothered to keep in that part at all last season. (Or maybe again, because they had to switch apartments so Manon’s parents wouldn’t unknowingly pay for someone’s rent in a place she’d never lived.)

Manon asks about Lucas’ mom, whether she will be OK, and he says that she’ll be OK (obviously he is not sure of that), and then she asks if Lucas is seeing someone. Doubtful that he realizes how loaded that question is, considering Manon has seen what’s on his phone! He does this blatant lie where he pretends Mika is calling for his phone back to avoid answering.

I do not actually get why they’re doing Manon in London? Or why they redid this scene so closely? In OG S3, there were several reasons this scene existed, such as showing the mother’s religious text and Jonas asking about the weed, and planting some seeds for Isak being uncomfortable with some of Eskild’s behavior (like Eskild talking about lavender scent). But it was also a way to explain that Isak was living at Kollektivet, and a followup to Noora after her season and a setup to explain why William wasn’t around anymore, and we don’t need either of those things here. Manon directly offered her room to Lucas at the end of S2, so we know he would be living there, and there’s no reason to write off Charles because the actor isn’t leaving the show. The only thing you’d kinda need to address is why they’re in a different apartment, which could be easily explained with a line or two or dialogue (Mika or Lisa complaining that something was better/worse at the old apartment).

Noora’s whole subplot of sorts in S3, with her and William going to London and her returning when their relationship faltered ... I don’t know what Julie’s plans were had Thomas Hayes not left the show, but that definitely seemed like a development necessitated by his decision. Julie even managed to write in some parallels between Isak’s and Noora’s romantic situations to create some thematically relevant material from this development. But we still don’t actually need to do that with Skam France! The actor who plays Charles isn’t going anywhere from what I know. Like I don’t get why they can’t just have Manon and Charles living at their own place, as planned, and then they’re in the background with parties and stuff. Especially keeping in mind the time restrictions on the episodes, and that they’ll likely need to cut stuff, and this is something that could probably go without affecting the main story.

Skam Italia also wrote out the Noora character and sent her to England during their Isak’s season, too, and I thought it was kinda unnecessary, although that I can understand more because they switched S2 and S3, so it was a reason to keep Eleonora away from Edoardo (the William) until her own season. But overall it’s not something that I think needs to be carried over from remake to remake. I hope they have a good reason to send Manon away other than just repeating the story from the original show, especially considering that IMO that drama ended up dragging down season 4 (but that’s a whoooooole different essay).

Clip 4 - That’s enough, Basile

It’s school on Monday and Daphne is running around the courtyard, handing out flyers. Daphne’s existence is one thing that improves any Monday, personally.

The boy squad is all pissing in a row, sans Lucas, who’s on his phone waiting for the others. Once again he is disconnected from his pals, this time from the manliest of all male bonding rituals, the synchronized bladder release.

Yann and Arthur wash their hands and Basile does not, so guess who is going straight to the bottom of my boy squad rankings? Ewwww.

And he says it’s because he touched the girl’s butt on Saturday? …. The girl who was puking? Yeah, he could not plummet faster.

Basile starts going off about a wildlife documentary, referring to “females” as marking their scent on males, and IDK if the connotations are the same in French but men referring to women as “females” outside of a scientific context usually is a red flag.

And he hasn’t washed his hands since Saturday? But he’s jerked off???? I’m gonna puke. Yann points out he’s gonna smell like dick.

This conversation tanked Basile for me, because afterwards I could not stop thinking of his stank hands whenever he was on screen.

Daphne hands the flyers to the guys. She’s renovating the common room and is gonna make it “the place to be”. I guess they’ve just dropped her awesome party or whatever? Or is that happening in S4? Even though it’s kinda pointless, wasn’t it supposed to attract older boys and make the girl squad really cool? It’s been like over a year since they wanted to plan that, lol.

Basile seems super into Daphne and is willing to do the project, although Arthur is like, no, you aren’t. Basile, you have time to grow on me, but right now I do not approve of you hooking up with Daphne with your disgusting unwashed hands. She deserves The Best.

The other guys think Daphne is weird but Basile thinks she’s hot, so you know, he has that going for him. Though I think he would fall for any woman who acknowledged his existence. He would fall in love with the Annabelle doll if it looked his way.

Lucas gives the others a high five as he leaves, except for Basile, because he says Basile is disgusting. My favorite thing Lucas has ever done, tbh.

Basile does a pratfall over the bench on the way to class. That’s one way to get Daphne’s attention! But what makes it really funny is that Arthur stumbles over a rock at the EXACT SAME TIME in the background. I mean Basile is obsessing over everyone woman in the vicinity when clearly he and Arthur have some kind of soul bond going. (Arthur is probs too good for Basile, though. Arthur/Yann all the way.)

Things that did not appear in this clip: penguins, helicopters, treasure maps, mysterious hot new students making eyes at Lucas. Clearly there was no reason for any of those to be present. I don’t even know why I mentioned it.

(This aired on January 21st, Skam France, do you even know your audience???) (JK but for real.)

Clip 5 - The beginning of a beautiful friendship

Lucas stares at his teacher, who is wearing a sheer top that reveals her bra. I have to say he doesn��t look like uninterested. Arthur comments on it, too, that Lucas is checking out the hot teacher. Which is what I would believe if I did not have deeper insight into Lucas’ preferences.

Imane shows up and shoos Arthur away, and she asks Lucas whether he lost something on Saturday. When he asks, “What are you talking about?” she’s like, “Your virginity.” HA, that is an excellent burn, Lucas is toast.

We didn’t see Imane when Lucas jumped out the window, but she had to have been nearby for her to realize it was Lucas’ weed instead of anyone else’s. He didn’t take the time to plant it, he just dropped it, so that was less snake-like than Isak. And maybe a little less deserving of the roasting that Imane gives him, since this isn’t a matter of him being inconsiderate, just dumb. Sana was pissed off that Isak would do something like that on purpose and potentially get Eva in trouble; Lucas did it by accident. I guess the end result is the same if weed was found at Emma’s house, no matter how it was left behind.

Imane says they find Daphne’s project annoying, too, so I assume they’re all just doing this to make Daphne happy.

When Imane gets up to leave the teacher is like, no, Alexia and Arthur are now partners and Imane and Lucas are now together. Both Lucas and Imane look positively thrilled about this. Just delighted. I think Arthur’s reaction is meant to be sarcastic but lmao, dude, you get to work with Alexia, that’s a damn privilege.

Clip 6 - Lucas is bad at subtlety

It’s time for Daphne’s meeting! Just the girl squad, boy squad, maybe that girl who was making out with Lucas, and no other new characters of importance.

Lucas shows up, looking as eager as you’d expect. The girls are there sans Manon. They talk about how sad and depressing the room is. It looks OK to me? Like, not super warm and inviting, but they describe it like it’s Azkaban. Daphne is the only one who’s peppy and says they’re going to turn it into something so great people won’t want to leave high school. That sounds like the premise for a horror movie.

Some dudes show up and Daphne is all ready to greet them to her meeting. At first I thought that this lounge was their usual place to hang out, since it looks like one of them had a board game or something, and they had zero idea that a meeting would be happening, lmao.

We get another shot out of the window and for a second I was wondering if a mysterious new student might be standing below, lurking around, perhaps stalking somebody.

The boy squad actually joins Lucas for this meeting, which is nice of them, although in a second I’m going to wish they’d stayed away. Basile thinks Daphne is winking at him, Arthur says she’s just rubbing her eye. Why couldn’t Arthur be the one ship-teased with Daphne?

Oh, and Chloé has arrived. She sends a non-imaginary wink toward Lucas. I know she’s probably not going to stay that way, but for now Chloé is a very cute person.

Just as the boys are telling Lucas that Chloé is into him and asking about their hookup on Saturday, some male model just walks off a photo shoot and into the common room. We know this is significant as the music gets tinkly and Lucas deadass stares at this dude without reservations. Mysterious male model stares back and makes eye contact with Lucas. (I feel like looking into Maxence’s eyes is the gay equivalent of Bird Box, where just one glance is enough to make a guy like Lucas abandon the last remnants of chill and heterosexuality.)

Somehow Lucas does not die from this interaction, but he does keeping sneaking glances at the handsome stranger while Daphne does her awkward introduction. Chill, dead and buried. Heterosexuality on life support.

Basile applauds Daphne in her introduction - OK, I love her too, but calm the fuck down, weirdo. Daphne, don’t encourage him.

When the crowd starts adding their commentary, Imane steps in and tells people that the next one to interrupt Daphne gets their shins broken, which a simple yet iconic moment, especially because Yann certainly seems to get nervous.

Lucas keeps checking out the hottie in the row behind him and I mean, the camera loves that pretty face, so why not?

I already want to kill Basile.

Daphne is also done with him and roasts him when he asks for her number. Everyone giggles, which makes her smile and gives her some confidence, so I guess that’s what Basile’s good for. Except then he’s instantly in love with Daphne so arrrrrgh.

Lucas keeps checking out the view behind him because Basile is not the only one who’s developed a crush.

I like the idea of a musical cue or theme for Lucas and Sexy Newcomer but I’m kinda ehhh about this one, because I can already see it making certain scenes cheesy and overdramatic, like Yann spiking his skateboard or Charles slow-mo racing to Manon levels of unintentional hilarity. Unless Sexy Newcomer’s a pianist? Then I can understand it more if this type of music is relevant to his character.

Clip 7 - Weird is good

Lucas is walking home and what do you know, he sees a snack at the vending machine. Give some credit to Lucas, he goes right up to him. Although he doesn’t say hello, just lurks behind.

I recently watched the series You on Netflix so all these scenes of Lucas staring at the object of his affection with his large unblinking eyes are feeling a lot more ominous than intended.

Dream Boy is like oh sorry, i didn’t see you there! Fucking fake, he probably saw Lucas’ reflection in the glass or something. He can’t decide what to get, so Lucas recommends #24 which is a crunchy choco bar (looks like a granola bar). So in the promos for this season they mentioned “chocolate” as an important element in the story. Maybe crunchy choco will be their always!

Dream Boy gets one crunchy choco bar, and then another one, so there are no more left. His version of taking all the paper towels. He got very lucky that there were only two crunchy chocos left and that Lucas didn’t want the almond & seeds bar instead. He would’ve had to buy the whole damn rack. Dream Boy says one of the crunchy chocos is for Lucas. Except we don’t see them eat the bars, lol.

They sit down and smoke at the bus stop with one seat between them, and I could tell Chloé was gonna come and sit there. But I think it’s also supposed to be some no-homo space between them, like buying choco bars is one thing, but sitting next to each other??? It’s not like they’re married or anything.

They talk about how weird the meeting was, the importance of the common room. Lucas’ future husband says it’s a good opportunity to meet new people, but we know he’s thinking of one person in particular.

Earth Angel is a third year studying literature. Lucas asks whether it’s weird to start a new school five months before graduation. I mean ... they could have just made him Lucas’ age since he’s already like 25 in real life, at that point it’s not going to make much difference if you say he’s 17 or 18. Angelface is like, everything is weird with you! He muses that he too must seem weird. Well, weirdness is a quality I like in an Even, because Even was a giant fucking weirdo and it made him memorable and charming. And we know that our French Even has reasons for people to think he’s weird and is used to it, even if Lucas doesn’t know that yet, so it’s more loaded than Lucas even knows.

No offense but why is Chloé trying to chase Lucas when there is a literal male model on her other side? Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Chloé is like, the meeting was fun, right? Lucas is awkward and Sugar Pie Honey Bunch kindly chimes in that the general opinion is that it was weird. Chloé seems to be like, oh, OK, as if that will be her new opinion to stay on the same page as Lucas. SPHB adds, but we like weird, I think. NOT SO SUBTLE. You know what he means by that.

Chloé introduces herself to the new guy and he introduces himself as Eliott, so I can stop making up stupid nicknames and pretending I don’t know the name of this character they told us about months ago.

There was a really good post by @skambyme about how both S3 remakes so far have done the end of this scene by putting the Emma character literally in the middle of the Isak and Even, while in the original, it’s Isak who ends up between Emma and Even. The remakes have the focus on Emma coming between Isak and Even, and it’s not like a terrible choice to do that or anything, but I think it’s more perceptive in the original to recognize that the biggest obstacle is not Emma, but Isak himself, caught between a girl and a guy, a safe lie and a terrifying truth. It puts the emphasis on Isak’s internal journey rather than a more external obstacle (Emma).

We learn from the credits that Eliott’s last name is Demaury and he has an Instagram account! So already that’s different from Even, who’s a total ghost on social media, except for the birthday video, obviously.

It’s a little funny to me that Arthur and Basile do not have last names according to the credits, though, lmao. Everyone else does and they’re just Those Two Guys on a first name only basis.

Social Media/General Comments

I mentioned it above but I liked that prior to the first clip, they started the season with an IG post from Lucas saying he’s living his best life, of course to contrast with the disconnect he feels in the clip itself. Putting up a facade on social media much like Isak did.

FOR SOME REASON Basile found it necessary to document the sink girl’s puke afer she was done, like … no one wants to see that, bro.

The boys talk about Lucas’ great game with Chloé in a chat, and Basile wants them all to know he has game, too. They just ignore him, lmao. As one should.

Manon and Lucas have a pretty solid friendship going on, which is nice. They’re on heart emoji level and she offers to throw Earl Grey on Mika and Lisa if they bother Lucas too much. I wonder if Lucas will properly come out to her at some point during the season, or confide in her. Especially if she ends up coming back and crashing at the apartment like Noora did - she’ll be around to talk to in person.

Mika not only calls Lucas hetero in a clip, but he refers to him as such in an IG story, and I’m not sure what to make of that yet? Because he knows about the rumors that Manon and Emma told him last season. At some point last season Lucas started crashing in their building/apartment, so Mika must have found him and let him stay over. If he didn’t find him at a gay bar, then what happened? I don’t think Mika legit thinks Lucas is straight; I think he’s just trying to keep up the appearance that he doesn’t suspect Lucas is gay, for Lucas’ sake. I don’t know if that’s the best method, but that’s my guess.

Unless Mika genuinely didn’t think he was gay after Manon and Emma, and he didn’t find Lucas at a gay bar but in some other situation, like IDK, drunk at a park/bus stop/whatever? I doubt it. Or he’s ironically teasing Lucas about his heterosexuality because he suspects otherwise, which is mean, so I doubt that, too.

Basile again talks about how hot Daphne is in a chat … stay away from her, dude. He did wash his hands or sanitize them eventually, thank God.

Manon is posting throwbacks of her and Charles on IG … the fact that it’s a throwback makes me think things are not so great between them right now. Reinforced by her later posting Rupi Kaur quotes, “if you are not enough for yourself you will never be enough for someone else.”

Eliott is doing some type of Instagram puzzle with 4 out of 9 squares currently posted, and I’m not even going to take a guess as to what the finished product will be as of now, but I think it’s a really cool idea for the Even character to do something artsy and mysterious like that, and a fun way to tease the audience.

There was talk about how good Maxence’s acting was, with some divided opinions. I thought his acting was fine for his first clip. IDK how good he’ll end up being with the heavier material of the season, but he seems to have a lot of energy, which is something I find really important with Even, and he had a weird charm that felt right for the character. I know I saw some stuff that he sounded awkward to French speakers.

After the party clip I wrote something like “I really like the boy squad so far!” and it should be clear that my opinion changed to have one glaring exception by the end of the episode, lmao.

I’m already done with Basile, like we had 3 clips with him in it and 2.5 of them had him being obnoxious and creepy about girls. I say 2.5 because I thought he was OK the first time I saw the party clip, just an awkward goober dude, and then later clips retroactively ruined him in that one. The other two clips had a rather large focus on his desperation over girls, like I know basically nothing about Arthur so far, and Yann hasn’t done much yet this season, but I’ve heard a shit ton about Basile being gross. They have plenty of time to redeem him or tone him down, but I hope it happens fast. And Daphne is my favorite character so the thought of her hooking up with him makes me shudder.

That’s one disadvantage of them filming two seasons at once, though ... if they keep up his shtick and people dislike it, they can’t tone it later in the season or in S4 because it’s already filmed.

Overall I thought the use of music has improved. Some scenes started with silence! I liked that song at the very end!

Opinion of unknown popularity: I’m tired of the promo and behind the scenes stuff already.

Skam France is not the only remake that has done this, but it felt like they went on promo overload with this season, no doubt to build hype since the original S3 was such a hit, and I mean, from the perspective that they want people to watch and comment and like and subscribe … yeah, certainly I get it! But one thing that made Skam so special to watch was the lack of promo, the total immersion in the story. Completely not knowing what was coming, having no idea about what happens next. It was very unusual compared to almost every other TV show.

Right now it feels like they’re operating under the idea that everyone has seen the original show. Certainly fandom makes this assumption a lot of the time, but it’s one thing for fandom to do it and another for the director/writers/actors/marketing team to assume it? And I can’t help but feel that this spoils some of the effect of the season. S3, especially in the beginning, relied on a lot of ambiguity that kept you guessing. It was firmly locked into Isak’s POV, so when he doubted Even liked him, so did many of the viewers. We didn’t know that Even was mentally ill at the beginning of the season. We didn’t know Even noticed Isak on his first day of school. We didn’t know Even had a girlfriend. All this promo is giving away so much.

That’s actually an issue I have with the Eliott trailer, because as cool as I find the idea of finally getting that first-day-of-school POV, and although I think it’s a well-made trailer, it does remove a lot of the ambiguity regarding Eliott’s feelings toward Lucas, something that goes a long way toward establishing tension and putting us firmly in Lucas’ head, especially in the early episodes. For example, if Eliott turns out to have a girlfriend, we still know that he does have some feelings for Lucas - we saw Lucas grab his attention in the trailer. Whereas when Isak learns about Sonja, he doubts whether these moments he shared with Even were really what he thought they were, whether Even is actually into him - and the audience can doubt with him, because we don’t know any more than Isak. It doesn’t matter a ton to me as someone who’s seen Isak’s story, but what about someone who hasn’t?

Like I’m just imagining being a French viewer who has never seen the original show - you’d already know so much about where the story is headed just from the promo material. (How much of the audience is made up of total newbies who haven’t seen Skam, anyway?)

Of course, we don’t know how the changes in the story will be affected by spoilers, so perhaps there is a lot that we still won’t see coming. But honestly I would rather just watch the whole season and then get all of the behind the scenes goodies when it’s done. Especially because they’re saying that they’ve changed so much about this season - it would be great to go into that without any hints or spoilers.

I mean I love getting Skam interviews, bloopers, and scripts now, but I’m really glad it’s well after the show ended rather than while the season was airing. I remember the experience of watching live and not knowing where the story was going, and I really think that has a lot to do with Skam’s overall success and intense audience engagement. Some of the remakes have also done this - Skam España S1 and Druck S2 were/are divergent enough from the original seasons that it was exciting to wait for clips not knowing what to expect all the time. But I’m just imagining if Julie was posting a ton of explanations and hints during S3, and if that wouldn’t take a lot of the suspense and fun out of the experience.

Obviously the people involved are extremely proud of making this season, and want to share that love with everybody, so I don’t want to sound like an ass and complain about what they should or should not do. I know, I know, the solution is not to look at the extra material. It’s all optional and for the people who want to read it, everyone else can avoid it. But I’m thinking the best way to do that is just to avoid the tags and discussion of the show, because it felt pretty widely discussed and circulated. Anyway.

This episode on the whole was better than what we saw from S1 and S2 on average. Honestly, there are still some of the same directing weaknesses - not huge things, just like … stuff I would tweak, showing cause and effect, getting from Point A to Point B type stuff. But they’re not as pronounced so I think they can pull it together. I do think this season is going to be better than Skam France’s first two seasons.

I am not French so feel free to clarify or correct me if I misunderstood something.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#skamfr reactions #long post

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ladyfl4me · 5 years

Audio

LIKE CHILEAN MINERS, EMERGING FROM THE DEPTHS, I RETURN TO YOU, BELOVED FOLLOWERS, TO DO SONG ANALYSIS

hey anon who sent this in, here you go! this song is really great, and i wholeheartedly agree that it’s an aubrey and/or pineguard song. i love it so much. it has great vibes and great lyrics, and i can totally fuck with it. because it works so well, i’m going to smush both of those together and analyze in terms of both, moving from aubrey to duck to ned and to the pineguard as a whole. i love this soooooong!!! thank you so much for sending it in!

here we go: first stanza. mobile users, i am so fucking sorry in advance. this is a long one.

“The first snow / The first winter of my life / I was told it was the height of me // The first dance / Well, the first one that counted / Felt like my blood was built from crackling lights”

This stanza uses the concept of “firsts,” and man does it hurt in the context of aubrey. aubrey is young, all things considered; if i remember correctly, she’s in her mid-20s, possibly a bit younger, but she’s definitely in that early 20′s range. she’s just starting to experience adulthood, and in a slightly unconventional way, as a traveling magician and, eventually, a monster hunter. her early life is nothing but a string of firsts. and yet, there’s a sense of nostalgia about this. “The first winter of my life, I was told it was the height of me.” that’s... kind of sad. to think that the best winter of aubrey’s life - the time of her life where things were best - was when she was just one year old, and from there it’s been steadily downhill. i don’t see much in her story to support that.

there is something to be said for ironic contrast, though. the first winter of her new life, as a monster-hunter in kepler who’s trying to figure out her new life and new story, encapsulates the third arc that we’ve just wrapped. with the tree, and the goats, and aubrey touching the crystal and getting her new life. in this whole stanza, i can see her clear as day, standing in the snow outside leo tarkesian’s store, staring numbly at the pizza hut sign that’s yeeted itself through the roof. up until that point, that’s been the height of her life, where things have been going relatively easy, until they go abruptly downhill when she thinks her powers have gone out of control. and now, I can’t shake the image in the second half of the stanza, of “blood built from crackling lights.” first: excellent simile. i fuck with that so hard. second: all i can think of is aubrey touching the crystal, and feeling something stirring within her, feeling as if she’s about to die, as if she’s on fire - and then falling backwards into a field of flowers. it’s a new beginning, it’s a new life.

yeah.

okay, second stanza:

“All this ancient wildness / That we don't understand /The first sound of a heartbeat / To riots roaring on”

I definitely see these lines framing Aubrey’s entrance into Kepler. this is wildness that she doesn’t understand. this is a new life for her. as you might have gathered by now, i’m a visual person, and i like to frame these in terms of snapshots, of brief images, or as animatics, even. i like to think of the second part of this stanza as aubrey jumping, maybe flinching, in surprise as dani takes off her ring, revealing her true form, and then that same surprise remaining on her face as the scene shifts to fighting the abomination from arc 1. she has quite literally entered a new world that she doesn’t understand, something far older and darker than her that she is irrevocably mixed up in.

now, the chorus as a whole gives off a lot of “i can show you the world” vibes, ya feel? and yet, it still has a sense of permanence:

“This is not the love you've had before / This is something else / This is something else / This is not the same as other days / This is something else / This is something else // It shouldn't need to be so fucking hard / This is life on earth / It's just life on earth/ It doesn't need to be the end of you, or me / This is life on earth / It's just life on earth”

jiminy criminy. yes, this is life on earth. this is survival. aubrey’s got a really rough time of it, living on her own and making her way as a traveling magician. now, in kepler, she’s in a weird space between being grounded and being untethered, uncertain - she still belongs to the pine guard, and to her friends, but so many things are still up in the air. her relationship with the world of sylvane is changing; she has ties to it that even she can’t begin to understand yet.

And that ties into the rest of the Pine Guard, too. This new, deadly, dangerous, terrifying aspect of their lives is definitely changing the way that Ned and Duck view their town and their world. But all that aside, this is the way that it is - there are monsters, and they are fighting them, and this is how it might all end, not with a bang but with a bom-bom. They just have to keep going.

second verse, wack as the first:

“The first light / First light on the silent shore/ Just the ships that anchor me and you / The way home / This is always the way home / So you can rip that map to shreds, my dear”

I have two very clear images in my head with this one. God, I could spin an entire short story out of those first three lines; I can very clearly see Duck Newton in them. Duck Newton, as far as we know, was born and raised in Kepler. Went to Kepler High School, lived there, spent his whole life there up to this point. He’s anchored to Kepler in many ways: as a native, as a current resident, as a park ranger. And now he’s anchored to Kepler by his destiny as the Chosen One. Kepler has been, for the most part, a silent shore for him - a refuge, a place for him to live life the way he wants: in peace. Until the “first light” comes for him: Minerva, bringing news of his destiny. Or, alternately, the glowing gate to Sylvane. In either case, he’s still tied to Kepler, but now in different and strange ways that he never could have predicted.

The next three lines, though, give me Ned vibes. Ned is, if I recall correctly, a relatively new resident of Kepler; he moved in and took over the Cryptonomica after the former owner’s death. He gives off the vibe of someone who’s been all over the damn country, conning and stealing and grifting and just finding ways to turn a quick buck for years. In a similar but different way to Duck, he’s tied to Kepler now, running this monster museum on the outskirts of town. There’s nothing stopping him from running off, except his commitment to his brand, his friends, and his mission as a member of the Pine Guard. Kepler is his home now, like it or lump it - and he doesn’t need to go anywhere to find a place to belong.

Next, the second bridge:

“But all we ever wanted / Seemed miles and miles from here / And the first days in a strange new land / Awaken beasts in us”

Boy howdy. I’m honestly seeing this chunk as more of an example of the relationship between the Sylphs and the Earth; they want nothing more than to return home, because in this world they’re beasts, they’re monsters, they’re abnormal and thoroughly out of place.

That’s all I’ve got for this song. Thanks for sending this in! Song requests are currently closed while I go through my inbox and answer them. My inbox is still open for everything else, though!

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pikespendragon67 · 6 years

Text

Writing commission I did for @lunarlapin! This is a modern AU for Priam/F!Robin where Robin works at a cafe Priam one day visits

It’s going to start raining this week, huh…

Robin gave a gentle sigh and smiled at the idea. It had been a while since it last rained, so it could do the city some good. That, and the rain always had a calming feel to it that Robin couldn’t really describe with words.

More, a scene would play over and over again in her head.

Rain would start to fall gently, and Robin would carry her umbrella on her wrist as she would stuff her hands in her pockets and bundle up in her scarf. She would wear that cute beret she got while visiting a Rossinian boutique shop, and a nice pair of leggings that would match her boots. In this fantasy, she would imagine the world calming down from its hectic hobbies and creating a soothing image of streetlights and neon business signs being highlighted in contrast to the gray skies. This would be the kind of weather that would inspire writers to sit down and have a cup of coffee, and inspire others to appreciate the welcoming silence that would make the common person reflect. And at the end of this day, it would rain just a bit more. Robin would twirl her umbrella as she walked home, where a warm blanket on the couch would welcome her to drink some hot cocoa and read a good book.

If she were lonely, she would imagine heavier rains that would bring thunderclouds with it. She would rush home in this part of the fantasy, completely soaked and worried her power would go out. In this fantasy, there would be her significant other. The handsome fellow on the couch that would invite her to share the blanket, that would have a towel on the side to help her dry off, that would calm her every time she heard thunder boom. He would light candles when the power went out, and the two would talk for hours on end about everything and nothing before they would become too tired to talk.

Realistically, she knew that was the overused romance plots from television and books speaking for her. Rain always had this romantic appeal to her.

The bell chimed as Robin stepped inside the café.

“Welcome to Scales!” Sumia greeted.

“Hey, Sumia,” Robin smiled as she wove her way to the back.

Robin looked at her waitress attire in the mirror to make sure there were no surprise stains on her way here. It contained: a cute seafoam green, short sleeved blouse, a brown apron tied across her waist, a black pencil skirt with complimentary black leggings, and black slip-on platformer shoes.

“You know we have a back entrance for you to use, right?” One of the chefs, Stahl, teased.

“I know, but I feel more motivated to work when I’m greeted.”

Stahl merely rolled his eyes with a smile and went on finishing an omelet for table 3.

“Good thing you got here before rush hour started, Bubbles,” another waiter named Gaius sighed as he untied his robe. “I don’t think I’d be able to survive.”

“Oh, c’mon, you have Cordelia and Sumia to keep you company.”

“But they don’t like talking to meeeeeeee.”

Always a child, this one.

And so, another day of work commenced. Robin would switch between greeting, seating, and serving orders to customers alongside Sumia, Cordelia, and when he got off from his break, Gaius. When she had the chance, she would ask the chefs Stahl and Kellam to come up with ridiculous order names. It never worked, but it was nice and relevant small talk. And when she was about to leave for her break, she would glance outside to see if it started raining yet. Nothing yet, but it was starting to become gray.

A good sign, then.

Robin quietly thought to herself as she ate the lunch Kellam provided her. She never asked, and Kellam never insisted, but she had to admit his cooking was top-notch. Made even the worst of work days seem more than just bearable.

Gosh, even thinking about those bad days gives off a bad vibe… Robin thought to herself.

Once throwing away her napkins and leaving her dish in the dirty pile was done with, Robin returned to the work world.

Things seemed to be normal: Frederick would be sitting in his own corner reading the newspaper as he drank his coffee and eat a croissant before he went to work in the morning, Olivia would be working on her laptop and eating a sandwich at noon, and the kids from down the block would order as soon as they got off from school.

Something felt…off. Not threatening off, but more unexpected off.

Robin scanned the small café until she noticed him: a tall, bulky man donned in uniform. A decorated navy blue coat, white belt, lighter blue pants, fancy black shoes, white glove, and even a white hat uniform.

His hair’s too long for him to be in service now… Robin thought as she looked at the small ponytail he adorned. Her eyes then wandered to his face. …He does look handsome, though.

“Welcome to Scales,” she greeted.

The man politely bowed and thanked her before she showed him his table.

“You new here?” She asked.

He nodded with a smile.

“Reunion with my old faction,” he explained. “One of them recommended this café when I got here, and since I have a month or so to be here, I couldn’t let the opportunity pass.”

“Don’t you worry, we’ll make sure you feel right at home.” Robin smiled.

Robin couldn’t help but catch quick glances at this man after he finished placing his order. He fascinated her. Maybe it was the uniform talking, but he had a gentlemanly attitude that she really admired. He wasn’t as cold as Frederick, but he wasn’t as loud as the high schoolers. He kept to himself, but he wasn’t shy like Olivia. Another soft-spoken individual that would let his mind wander, but would keep himself grounded once his order and check would arrive.

Someone Robin could definitely relate to.

“He sure seems handsome, doesn’t he?” Sumia spoke.

Robin idly nodded, not really paying mind.

She insisted on serving him the day after, and the day after that, and the day after that. Of course, he wasn’t in his uniform the following days, but she could tell it was him from a mile away. She would still serve when she was needed most, but she would still catch glances of him and wave when he caught her eye. He would smile and nod back to her at those times. And the times when she did manage to serve him, they had more small talk after she would thank him for his service. It didn’t even feel like small talk, though. Not the way this man, later revealed to be named Priam when paying off his meals, spoke. Talking with him came as naturally as breathing, and she couldn’t help but be fascinated whenever he unwove a story about his units. It was times like these that she was glad her break time allowed her to sit with him.

“Oh, Robin, Libra wants to see you in his office,” Cordelia spoke to Robin after one break.

Oh no. People only went to Libra’s office when something terrible was about to happen.

She took in a deep breath to ease her nerves before she knocked on the door.

“Yes, come in,” the voice behind the door responded.

Robin opened the door to see her manager, Libra, at his desk reading papers and the like.

“You…wanted to see me, Sir?”

“Ah yes, Robin. Please, have a seat.”

Robin did as such, praying internally that she would at least be set on actual fire before being fired from this job itself.

“I couldn’t help but notice you chat more with one customer than you do others.”

Yep, this was it, this was what was going to ruin her.

“It’s inexcusable and inappropriate behavior, I know. I’ll make sure to correct myself from now on,” she apologized sincerely.

Libra looked over her for a bit.

“It doesn’t seem to be interfering with your work protocol, surprisingly. You still serve customers amiably and efficiently without so much as a complaint. All I ask is that you don’t make this customer feel singled out. The last thing we need is for other customers to feel like this one gets special treatment.”

Robin could have brought up he was a Veteran, but she didn’t want to risk losing her neck. She was smarter than that.

“Yes, Sir.”

“Very well, you’re excused.”

Robin lifted herself from her chair.

“Oh, and can you please lock up this evening?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Oh no, did he make you put in your two weeks?” Gaius asked when he noticed the frown on Robin’s face.

Robin simply shook her head no.

“Ahh, I’m such an idiot,” she groaned. “I can’t believe I let myself get that distracted…”

“Crushes can do that to you, unfortunately,” Sumia sighed as she patted Robin’s back.

Crush… Crush. Crush.

She did feel crushed that she now had to control herself from speaking with him, so that might explain it.

Of course, being the one assigned to lock up meant she was the last one in the café. She had to make sure to check everything before she was even allowed to leave. The profits were tallied and cleared out for the day, the supplies were stored away properly, the dishes were thoroughly cleaned, so on and so forth.

I hope he isn’t cross with me…

A small and cool drop gently touched her nose. And then her shoulders. And then her head.

The rain finally arrived after a week and a half, yet to Robin’s chagrin it was too dark out for her to really enjoy it. She obviously could, but she had work tomorrow as well.

Robin scratched at her wrist vacantly, hoping to grab her umbrella strap in the process. But alas, to no avail. The weatherman predicted that it would rain two days from now, and yet the rain finally arrived now. Probably to sympathize with and overdramatize Robin’s feelings.

She had to improvise, using her apron as a make-shift cover from the increasingly heavier rainfall. It was nowhere near pouring, thankfully, but just enough to bother her if she didn’t cover herself.

Would my dialogue with him even be considered flirting? Robin began to think again. I just think the guy’s really interesting to talk to. And that he’s handsome, but that doesn’t play into this. …Does it? Oh no, what if it does…?

Drops of rain went from landing on Robin’s apron and soaking through to the rest of her to simply noise. She looked up to realize that someone was carrying an umbrella over her head, and then turned to see who was holding it.

“Are you all right, Miss?” The man asked gently.

Robin smiled.

“Now I am, thank you.”

Robin went on to explain Libra’s warning to Priam, to which Priam fully understood. Flirting in the military would’ve warranted quite the punishment, so he was thankful that her boss was kind enough to simply warn her. She joked that Libra made her lock up as an additional punishment.

“I don’t live too far from here,” she began to say. “If you want, you can come over for a cup of hot cocoa before you head out.”

“That sounds lovely, but I wouldn’t want to intrude,” he responded.

“You can take it on the go, then. My treat.”

“Are you certain?”

Robin nodded.

“Then lead the way, Miss Robin.”

She felt like skipping through the rain, much like she would when she had her own umbrella, but she didn’t want to accidentally leave Priam behind. Or get caught in the rain yet again. She couldn’t tell which one of those seemed worse at that point.

As Robin unlocked her apartment door, Priam closed his umbrella and left it near the one at the door. He breathed through his hands to help warm them up as Robin made her way to her small kitchen.

“Reports say it’s going to rain the entire week,” he sighed as he sat down on her couch.

“You think I can get away with walking home with you during that time, then?” She grinned cheekily.

Priam returned the grin back.

“Oh yeah, when are you heading back?”

“Next Tuesday. But we can message each other after and plan to meet when we both have the time.”

“I’d like that.”

She handed Priam his hot cocoa in a thermostat she had left over from work. One that she specifically labeled with her phone number and a “Find me online!” message. He looked a bit worried about this choice, not noticing the label.

“Don’t worry, I have plenty more in here,” she said to ease his worries.

“In that case, I’ll be off,” he sighed with relief. “Thank you once again.”

“Thank you for your service, Sir. And feel free to stop by whenever you have the chance!”

She noticed he left behind a napkin on her coffee table, probably as a make-shift coaster. But as she picked it up, she noticed writing on it.

His phone number…!

#Priam #Robin #long post #pikes writes #writing commissions #fire emblem awakening #koi wa ameagari no you ni was in my mind when writing this

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jenniferfaye34 · 4 years

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"...if you are a fan of #Hallmark movies, you will love this one!" CHRISTMAS IN BAYBERRY by Jennifer Faye... #Giveaway #books #readers #amreading @HallmarkPublishing @HallmarkChannel

On Tour with Prism Book Tours

We hope you enjoyed the tour! If you missed any of the stops

you'll find snippets, as well as the link to each full post, below:

Launch - Note from the Author

Thank you for joining me for the Christmas in Bayberry blog tour! I know it’s hot here in the northern hemisphere and not exactly Christmastime but… maybe that’s the best time to visit a small town in snowy Vermont. So grab a nice cold drink and curl up to take an armchair vacation in a warm, cozy town. . .

Rockin' Book Reviews - Review

"This is truly a Christmas reading delight! . . . This tale is such a relaxing drama, enclosed within a small town full of "Christmas Spirit". although quite predictable, it is endearing and the characters and scenes"draws one in"."

Pause for Tales - Review

"If you are looking for a little Christmas in July, look no further than Christmas in Bayberry. And if you adore Hallmark movies, you will enjoy this story from Hallmark Publishing. . . . As Wes and Kate navigate business and their attraction to each other grows, both of their dreams become at risk. Finding out what is most important to each other made this heartwarming story a welcome read."

Books with Bethany - Review

"This is truly the sweetest Christmas book I’ve read in quite sometime . . . Jennifer’s writing and detailed descriptions have you feeling as if you are in this small town Vermont. . . . I highly recommend this beauty to get you in the holiday spirit!"

Remembrancy - Review

"The temperature outside may be in the 90s right now, but Christmas in Bayberry put me right in the holiday mood. Though a bit predictable (but Hallmark wouldn’t be Hallmark without their signature happy endings, now would they?), it is a sweet and fun escape."

Angel's Guilty Pleasures - Excerpt

Wes stepped up to his boss’s very large oak desk. “Here’s the file you requested. Everything should be in there.” “Thank you.” Mr. Summers took the folder, then gestured to the two charcoal gray chairs in front of his desk. “Take a seat.” Wes was torn between doing what the president of the company wanted or speaking up about his pending meeting. After all, Mr. Summers had the final say on who got the promotion. Wes had to stay on the man’s good side, but he also had to get his work done. Wes’s mouth grew dry. He swallowed hard. “Sir, I’m expected in the conference room on the twelfth floor right now.” Mr. Summers leaned forward, resting his elbows on the large oak desk. “They can wait.” His gray brows drew together in a formidable line. “This is important.”

Splashes of Joy - Review

"This is my favorite book that I have read by Jennifer Faye. It is a Hallmark Christmas Story, so if you are a fan of Hallmark movies, you will love this one! . . . If you love sweet, cozy, snowy, small town Christmas stories, Christmas in Bayberry is a must for you! I [thoroughly] enjoyed this Christmas in July read, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, whether you read it in July, or closer to Christmas!"

I'm Into Books - Spotlight

Jorie Loves A Story - Review

"In true Hallmark Channel fashion, this is a story which has an HEA and a homey afterglow - where you know that for the towne of Bayberry, nothing is ever impossible until you reach the point where you cannot believe in the small miracles which evoke the most change in your life."

Cover Lover Book Review - Review

"In the classic Hallmark style, Christmas in Bayberry is a swoony, feel-good, cozy read. And Bayberry, Vermont is the pinnacle setting to tug me into the Christmas (in July) mood. . . . If you enjoy a rosy-clean slow-burn romance and second chances in a magical holiday atmosphere, you’ll surely sink into Christmas in Bayberry (and you may not want to leave.)"

Peaceful Pastime - Review

"I have read several books penned by Jennifer Faye and this was my favorite so far, The idyllic setting of Bayberry, Vermont, the close knit community and their Christmas festivities brought the story to life before my eyes. . . . I thought this was a fantastic book that is suitable for all ages and would make a perfect Christmas gift for the reader in your life. It flows at a great pace, it held my interest throughout . . ."

Reviewingbooksplusmore - Review

"I enjoyed this book so much. I can definitely see it as a Hallmark Christmas Movie. . . . A story I enjoyed reading as a Christmas in July book. I definitely recommend reading this book."

E-Romance News - Excerpt

“Bayberry Candle Company” was printed across the top of each sheet. The breath caught in her throat. This was it—the evaluation of the company. Kate knew she shouldn’t look, but it was like watching a train accident: You just couldn’t turn away. As she assembled the pages in numeric order, she noticed on the next-to-last sheet a header that read: “Conclusions.” Her heart clenched. She stared at the words. Please let it be a vote to keep the business operating. Please. Please. Please. Her gaze skimmed down the page. And then it stopped.

Reading Is My SuperPower - Review

"Jennifer Faye captures the small town charm of a Hallmark movie and weaves it into a sweet romance with a nod to Christmas miracles. Well-written & entertaining, the story also balances Hallmark’s comforting predictability with a couple twists & turns that may still surprise you. The characters are warm & likable and you’ll want to book a trip of your own to the quaint town of Bayberry!"

Reading Excursions - Review

"It’s beautiful, moving, and so heartwarming. . . . It was an absolutely delightful read. The small town “every one works there or knows someone who does” plot line was perfection. . . . I highly recommend this sweet book for those who LOVE clean, feel good, small-town Christmas romances. Fans of Hallmark movies will more than likely love this story. And, I’m pretty certain fans of the author will be delighted as well."

Ponderings from the Inglenook - Review

"Immediately upon opening the pages of this book, I was transported to snowy, small towns, twinkling fairy lights and hot chocolate curled up by the fireplace. This is my first book by Jennifer Faye, but it won't be my last. I thoroughly enjoyed this cozy Christmasy read."

Harlie's Books - Review

". . . I was totally invested in the town, Kate and Wes but also in the story. Ms. Faye is an excellent storyteller and takes her time here. It’s in-depth, romantic, heartwarming, and just overall a great book to read now in the heat of the summer. . . Do yourself a favor and start reading Ms. Faye. Especially this book. It will warm your heart. And yes, I could see it as a Hallmark Movie. Psst…I’d watch it, too."

Katherinelovesbooks - Review

"I absolutely fell in love with this book. It has such great festivity vibe with all the happy, jolly moments. Bayberry, as a place not only sounds amazing but at the same time it seems magical. Our protagonists Kate and Wes were beautifully written. The plot is engaging right from the beginning. A heartwarming story for everyone who believes in unexpected miracles."

Musings of a Sassy Bookish Mama - Review

"Jennifer Faye is a new to me author and it was very enjoyable to read her style of writing. She had me engaged throughout the whole book. . . . If you are looking for a good-feel story and something to get you in the holiday spirit then you should definitely grab this book. It definitely made me wish for Christmas decorations, warm cozy socks, sitting by the fire with a Christmas music in the background!"

Hallie Reads - Review

"Jennifer Faye’s Christmas in Bayberry is exactly what I expect from a Hallmark Christmas story: predictable, but also fun, cozy, and heartwarming. For me, it was a much-needed reprieve from the summer heat . . . So, it is easy to say that I enjoyed Christmas in Bayberry. I think it makes a delightful read; make space for it in your holiday-reading stack—or pick it up for a seasonal escape today."

Locks, Hooks and Books - Review

"I am giving Christmas in Bayberry a very well deserved five plus stars. I would love to read more like this one by Miss Faye in the future. I recommend this one to readers who are Hallmark fans and those who like to read clean Christmas books."

Christy's Cozy Corners - Review

"I absolutely love Christmas in Bayberry! If you’re a fan of Hallmark Christmas movies and sweet, clean romance, you will love it too. While you’re reading this book, you’ll be swept into the town of Bayberry, and you’re not going to want to leave! . . . Really, you’ll love all the characters in Christmas in Bayberry! They’re all well-developed and bring just the right balance to the book. I can’t say enough good things about Christmas in Bayberry! Read it, and you’ll see! You’ll love it too!" Don't forget to enter the giveaway at the end of this post...

Christmas in Bayberry:

A Small-Town Christmas Romance from Hallmark Publishing

By Jennifer Faye

Contemporary Romance

Paperback & ebook, 238 Pages

July 7th 2020 by Hallmark Publishing

She’s trying to save the family candle company. He’s trying not to fall for Bayberry—and her—again. Kate Taylor knows what she wants in life: to one day run her family’s candle business, which is at the heart of the close-knit community of Bayberry, Vermont. But the company isn’t doing well. Wesley Adams is on the fast track to be an assistant vice president at his financial firm in Manhattan. Before the promotion is announced, he’s sent to this small town from his past to do an analysis of the candle company. He doesn’t expect to bump into his childhood crush, Kate, and when he does, sparks fly. As he spends time in Bayberry, he falls for the town’s Christmas traditions—and for her. But he has a responsibility to submit an honest report. Will it extinguish Kate’s dreams…along with any chance they have for a future together? This heart-warming romance contains a free Hallmark original recipe for Cast Iron Beef Stew.

(Affiliate links included.)

Go to Jennifer's Contact Page HERE and order your bookmark(s)! Please state the quantity you desire and which bookmarks/titles you are interested in.Feel free to order extra to share with your favorite bookstore, library and family/friends. NOTE: A big apology but due to postal fees, only available to continental U.S. residents.

About the Author

Award-winning author, Jennifer Faye pens fun, heartwarming contemporary romances with rugged cowboys, sexy billionaires and enchanting royalty. Internationally published with books translated into nine languages. She is a two-time winner of the RT Book Reviews Reviewers' Choice Award, the CataRomance Reviewers' Choice Award, named a TOP PICK author, and been nominated for numerous other awards.

Tour Giveaway

One winner will receive a $25 Amazon gift card plus…

an autographed copy of CHRISTMAS IN BAYBERRY, Yankee Candle Bayberry, Wilton cookie cutter, Hallmark ornament, Hallmark Light-up earrings, Hallmark glass and more…

US only

Ends July 22, 2020

ENTER HERE

#Christmas In Bayberry #Hallmark #Hallmark Publishing #Jennifer Faye #Contemporary Romance #Sweet Romance #Clean & Wholesome #Prism Book Tours #Hearts & Scribbles

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equivvitch · 7 years

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Fassathon: A Summary (Part II)

or, to misquote John Mulaney: “you have more than ten movies left and it gets worse”:

Eden Lake (Also Steve)

Rating: 7/10

Quick Summary: Jenny and Steve take a weekend trip to a place called Eden Lake which used to be a nice camping spot but is soon going to be torn down to make room for a housing development. They have some difficulty reaching the place as it is technically a construction zone, but eventually make their way deep into the woods and find a place on the shore to set up camp. Soon they’re joined by a large group of obnoxious and antagonistic teenagers who heckle the couple, refuse to turn down their music, and seem unlikely to leave anytime soon. Any attempts to reason with them are ignored and the couple eventually gives up and tries to enjoy their day anyway. They continue to encounter the group of kids and tension grows between them with the teenagers growing violent and threatening. Steve decides to confront them despite Jenny’s protests and it doesn’t go well. All this results in the two running for their lives, trying to escape the group at any cost.

Some Thoughts: This is the better horror movie on here. It’s well-done for the most part. Fassbender’s character is kind of a dumbass and there are some cliché moments in there, but it’s fairly original and doesn’t rely on jumpscares hardly at all. It’s really more of a thriller than a true horror movie, a survival film I guess, since you know who the enemy is and well….it’s just a group of delinquent children so there’s no real inherent fear there. I definitely got caught up in it and had a few good jumps and moments of shock. I wasn’t really impressed with the ending, but since I don’t have the most experience with horror I can’t say whether it was to be expected with this kind of film or not. It’s definitely frustrating at times and the characters make a lot of idiotic choices, but it’s a suspenseful ride. It’s an interesting commentary on mob mentality as well, since the group of kids starts to fracture early on. The theme ties into the ending as well which I won’t spoil. It’s definitely an “oh no we’re trapped in the woods and someone is chasing us” movie but the performances are good and it didn’t become too predictable, at least for me. A solid film all around in my opinion.

Warnings: This is a pretty bloody movie. It’s not as bad as the other horror movie on here, but there is blood and mild torture and immolation. Also animal death because these movies can’t cut them a break. It was accidental in this case, but it’s there. Also just disturbing imagery in general. It’s a horror movie. You probably know if you can handle that or not.

Recommend?: Sure, if you like horror films I think this one is a less well-known one that’d be worth giving a chance. Also it’s pretty short so there’s that.

12 Years a Slave (Epps)

Rating: 9/10

Quick Summary: Solomon Northup is a free man and an excellent musician living in New York with his family when one day he’s propositioned by two men who own a circus in Washington to come and play his violin for their show. He agrees and all seems to be going well when suddenly he finds himself kidnapped along with a good number of others and sold into slavery in spite of his protests that he is free and has proof of it. He ends up enslaved on a plantation owned by a man named Ford who favors him to some degree, desperate to escape. He ends up in a confrontation with one of the overseers on the plantation and Ford, supposedly for the sake of his life, hands Solomon over to Edwin Epps. Epps turns out to be a despicable man and Solomon struggles to survive while under his thumb, all the while attempting to escape and return to his family.

Some Thoughts: Nothing I can say about this movie would really be worth anything, so this probably won’t be that long. This is one of those films I’ve needed to watch for a long time and I don’t mean to lessen its importance by doing it in the midst of this. I’m very glad to have finally watched it and really I’d like to rewatch it here soon to really let it sink in, since I sort of took it in short bursts the first time around. It’s an incredibly impactful film and one I think every American at least should see. McQueen is truly at his best, unflinching as ever and putting his distinctive long takes to impactful use. Chiwetel Ejiofor as Solomon does an incredible job of grounding and guiding the film even when he doesn’t have much dialogue a lot of the time. Lupita Nyong’o is absolutely incredible. I cannot believe this was her first appearance in a feature-length film. She is such a strong presence on screen even though her part was comparatively small. To comment briefly on Fassbender himself, this part was kind of beyond words. He really plays the worst of the worst and not to say anything good about the character himself, but he does it very well. He doesn’t come in until about halfway through the film and….thank goodness he doesn’t jfc… Anyway, it’s a very important movie and very much worth the difficult watch.

Warnings: A lot of disturbing imagery, including lynching and general humiliation of the people who are enslaved. A great deal of blood and abuse, including a drawn out scene where a character is whipped. Warning as well for r*pe/sexual assault. Lots of slurs and violent racist behavior. I’m sure most people get the picture.

Recommend?: With the warnings in mind, yes. Like I said, this is one all Americans should see once they’re old enough.

Jonah Hex (Burke)

Rating: 4.5/10

Quick Summary: Jonah Hex is a bounty hunter who had everything taken from him by a man named Turnbull. While strung up, branded, and forced to watch his family burn alive he ended up with the power to seemingly evade death, as well as talk to the dead for a brief amount of time. He goes around hunting Turnbull until one day learning of his apparent death. After this, he is directionless and mostly hunts criminals, making a name for himself. Soon enough however he finds out Turnbull is alive and attempting to steal and use the most dangerous weapon ever invented to Blow Up the World™. The government enlists Hex to help them stop him so he sets out to avenge his family and apparently also save the world.

Some Thoughts: So this is officially the worst rated movie on this list, but I really don’t think it deserves that title. It really is a stupid movie, but that doesn’t stop it from being occasionally enjoyable. I probably rated it a little too highly but I think comparatively it deserves the praise. Jonah Hex is an actual DC anti-hero from what I can tell and this is, kind of hilariously, an actual DC movie. I really know nothing about his canonical portrayal, but the x-ray thing you get when you rent/buy a movie on Amazon told me that his power to speak to dead people isn’t in the comics which….makes me wonder what he actually can do. But I digress. Hex himself is actually a pretty decent protagonist. He sort of hits a Wolverine-esque level of brusque irritability over everything that he uses to mask his usually good intentions which I kind of appreciated. That said, almost everyone is checked out in this movie. It works for Josh Brolin playing Hex but not as much for the others. John Malkovich as Turnbull isn’t over the top but it’s sort of a tired forgettable performance. Megan Fox plays Sexy Lamp with Knife which is not her fault but she’s also 1000% checked out. To her credit she does useful things, but her relationship to Hex is never explained, there’s no chemistry, and she’s used as an object more than once which is annoying. Fassbender is really the only one who seems to be having a good time which makes his character kind of enjoyable even if Burke is a Bitch. He kind of has an Alex from A Clockwork Orange vibe about him in that he so thoroughly enjoys doing what he’s doing. His Irish accent is really ridiculous, but god, at least it’s entertaining. He seems like he actually wants to be there which is more than I can say for anyone else. He’s having a good time and well…good for him. There is some genre-typical racism in the movie which is a pain in the ass and one really what-the-fuck scene that I wish hadn’t happened. The conflict kind of suffers from Suicide Squad-syndrome in that it’s too big for its britches. There was no need to have it be a destroy-the-world kind of movie. It could have been destroy a town. That would have worked. Also The Weapon™ is stupid and ridiculous and makes no sense and is basically just a bomb in the form of Dragon Balls. It’s not the worst movie on here by far, but it’s not good. It was at least mercifully short and had a few fun moments littered throughout. I wasn’t suffering while watching it by any means. It didn’t really do much for my opinion of DC movies though fjskal;j

Warnings: Some blood and violence. Also the scene where Hex gets healed has strangely disturbing imagery that kind of came out of nowhere.

Recommend?: No, but it’s not the worst thing out there.

A Dangerous Method (Carl Jung)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Carl Jung takes on a new patient named Sabina Spielrein who is seemingly hysterical, but also very intelligent, even dreaming of becoming a doctor herself one day. Together they work through her past trauma using Dr. Sigmund Freud’s revolutionary “talking therapy” and make excellent progress. Jung encourages Spielrein to pursue her dreams and the two form a strong friendship over the course of their interactions. Some years later, Jung and Freud finally meet, taking on a sort of father-son relationship as would be expected. Some of Freud’s ideas trouble Jung, especially concerning the relationship between him and Spielrein. However, Freud’s predictions come true when Jung and Spielrein start up an affair in spite of Jung’s initial resistance. The remainder of the film follows the disintegration of both these relationships, while also touching on the career paths of all three doctors.

Some Thoughts: This is a really excellent movie. I hadn’t heard really anything about it, but after watching it I’m really surprised I haven’t? It’s definitely one of my favorites on this list. It is a thought-piece and is a little bit more slowly paced, but that didn’t really bother me. It is a highly sexual film in nature, so that might be off-putting but it’s also fascinating. The interactions between the characters are interesting and it’s unclear where the story is going (in a good way…I mean that it wasn’t super predictable). I really….don’t like Freud at all and I was sort of worried that would ruin the movie for me, but it didn’t bother me much. No one escapes this movie uncriticized, which is good. I really, really like Kiera Knightley and she does an excellent job playing Spielrein. She sinks into the role well and pulls it off convincingly. I was impressed with how they handled her character actually. Fassbender did a good job as Jung as well. I almost think playing a real person helps him to get into character more completely sometimes. I liked watching the evolution of the relationship between Jung and Freud, some of their conflicting ideas, how they interact. The movie brings up a lot of interesting ideas, and sort of shows a bit how the fields of psychology and psychoanalysis developed. It might just be because I’m interested in the topic that it appealed to me so much? It’s a very solid and very nice-looking film as well so I’m a little surprised it doesn’t get that much attention. Is it because Fassy has a dumb mustache the whole time? It’s the mustache isn’t it.

Warnings: The nurses at the mental institution treat Spielrein a bit roughly sometimes when she won’t cooperate but it never escalates to full-on abuse. There is a lot of sexual content in this movie as well, so maybe take a peek at the parental advisory on IMDb before watching if that bothers you.

Recommend?: If you’re fine with the warnings, yes. I’d really say give it a chance if the subject interests you. I think it’s a movie that deserves more attention overall.

Blood Creek (Wirth)

Rating: 3/10 (that’s me being generous and taking into account the other worst movie on here)

Quick Summary: This fuckign movie I swear to god…………. It has the dumbest conceit physically possible. So Nazis want to take over the world or whatever and to insure their success they decide to go snooping around in the occult. They discover that our great Nordic ancestors have left these rune stones (more like rune walls but whatever) inexplicably around rural America and deploy some guys to go look for them and learn how to do that. They do this by paying farm families to take in the men. One family takes in Richard Wirth unknowingly and immediately regrets the decision. Flash forward to some indiscriminate time in the future, Forgettable Protagonist #1 has somehow lost his brother, Forgettable Protagonist #2, in a river or some shit and he’s very Sad over it. Then one night FP #2 returns! He drags FP #1 out with him to do some Secret Thing and FP #1 goes because of Familial Guilt. They end up at the farm where apparently people have been disappearing for years. The family’s still alive and immortal thanks to Wirth. They help him catch people to eat for their own safety. Unfortunately FPs #1 and #2 have arrived just before a lunar eclipse! This is Bad because through muttering and blood Wirth plans to open a literal third fucking eye in the middle of his fucking forehead to ~reach the beyond~ as one of the farmers explains after FP #1 demands an explanation four hundred times. But it can only be done during a lunar eclipse!!!! Which is tonight!!!!!! Anyway they have to stop him or whatever and also he can bring shit back to life with his muttering.

Some Thoughts: ….this movie is fucking stupid. Also it probably wins for hardest one for me to watch because it’s kind of a gore fest. I thought it was the worst one on here but………shockingly no. Its narrative might be really, REALLY stupid, but it at least makes sense. It has a plot. It’s a dumbass plot, but it’s a plot. The lighting is atrocious in this movie and so is the cinematography in general, but considering the director I guess that’s to be expected. It’s inexplicably in black and white for like the first ten minutes then flips to color to show time has passed. Get it. There’s a lot of shaky-cam and super dark shots which, while a sort of relief since it means you can’t see anything, it also means that you can’t fucking see anything. This movie rides the edge of almost being funny sometimes which can be kind of enjoyable, but really it’s just over the top but not in an entertaining way. There is an actual zombie horse in this movie which busts through the wall and proceeds to attack the family and it’s played deadass straight. Also the CGI is ridiculous at some points. There’s a lot of yelling for no reason and people refusing to explain anything. When people finally stop yelling and explain stuff you sort of wish they hadn’t because a) nothing they’re saying actually helps you understand what’s happening, they’re just saying words together in approximations of sentences and b) it’s so ridiculous that you might as well just not have known. I can’t say it was actually that scary, just kind of nauseating because of all the blood and gore, though that was partially just me. I’m usually okay with that stuff, but this one was too much. That’s really subjective so keep that in mind I guess. I really can’t imagine what this movie is good for except if you like really stupid horror movies and don’t care about the blood? Even then there has to be better ones you could pull for your bad movie night. I guess Fassbender as Wirth is sufficiently intimidating, though really it could be anyone in that makeup and he has about four total lines that aren’t muttering. (I guess kudos to the makeup team….they did their job fine.) This was seriously in my top spot for Actual Worst Movie on this list. The fact that it got topped sort of tells you how horrible the other one was but….we’ll get to that soon enough.

Warnings: Lots of blood and gore. Also animal death. And rebirth but mostly death. Just gross shit in general. Also CGI zombie horse.

Recommend?: Don’t do it buddy. I suffered so you could live—save yourself.

Slow West (Silas)

Rating: 5/10

Quick Summary: A boy named Jay is riding across the Old West™ in search of a girl named Rose he’s infatuated with who moved from their home of Scotland to America. Along the way he runs into a Silas, a gruff, quiet man who all but forces Jay into paying him to act as a guide and bodyguard on his travels. Jay doesn’t have much choice but to accept and the two set off. Jay is idealistic and pretentious, particularly when it comes to his ideas of love and Silas is uninterested in forming personal connections, so the two don’t get along well. Still, begrudgingly they form a bit of a father-son relationship as they go. Truthfully, Silas has his own reasons for helping Jay outside of making a quick buck: Rose and her family have a fairly large bounty on their head. Along the way, however, they run into a group of bounty hunters Silas used to “drift” with who are also hunting Rose and her father and Silas begins to have a change of heart.

Some Thoughts: I really wanted this movie to be good. In fact, I sort of thought it would be? Ultimately it was pretty disappointing. It’s a really well-shot movie, but it’s sort of a case of interesting concept, poor execution. None of the characters speak like normal people in this movie. Jay is our protagonist, but he’s often insufferable at the best of times. He’s meant to be young and stupid with stars in his eyes, but it gets irritating after a while. He’s chasing after his manic pixie dream girl who’s already moved on without him and probably didn’t like him that much in the first place, but the movie doesn’t really address his flaws or do much with him at all. Silas is kind a stereotypical tough guy who’s been forced to harden his heart to survive, but we learn almost nothing about him so it’s difficult to be very sympathetic to his cause other than he’s much less insufferable than Jay. There was so much opportunity for interactions between the two of them, but?? They really fell flat. There’s a couple short exchanges but there were entire conversations missing from this movie that could’ve helped to develop characters and relationships. More than anything it needed some good fleshing out. A lot of stuff just sort of happens in the film as well and you have to accept it. Silas showing up and extorting Jay is funny but also completely unexplained. At one point a German dude in the middle of a field steals all of Jay’s belongings after they talk a while and is never mentioned again. The group of bounty hunters Silas left seem interesting, but we don’t ever get to learn about them. More than anything, the movie is made up of long shots of people riding across landscapes and that’s about it. There’s no real heart in it and it’s really a shame because it could have been something great. It’s not the worst one on here, but it’s definitely the definition of mediocre.

Warnings: Some blood and violence, mostly due to shoot-outs. Nothing too horrible.

Recommend?: Not really. I guess if you want to see it it wouldn’t hurt since it’s short but it’s nothing special.

Song to Song (Cook)

Rating: 4/10

Quick Summary: This movie is...sort of plotless but I’ll try anyway. Basically it follows the romantic/sexual escapades of a woman named Faye, as well as those of the people she becomes involved with. Faye is a skinny, white, quirky hipster-type living in Austin, Texas for some reason doing very little other than standing around and thinking about how messed up she really is. She begins with Cook who is a Douchebag with basically no redeeming qualities and therefore, by default, a music producer who seemingly ruins everyone who comes near him. Meanwhile she starts seeing BV who at least seems like a decent person if also completely lacking in personality. The rest of the film really is just about their relationships and is mostly composed of very pretty if unrelated shots of the actors standing around posing and wanking on about love/sex and the meaning of life or whatever.

Some Thoughts: From what I can gather this is sort of film is kind of typical of this director. The movie is sort of a collage of unrelated shots, all of which are very beautiful, but that’s about as deep as it goes. There isn’t really any normal interaction between characters, just monologues where characters philosophize about pretentious topics for hours without ever really saying anything of meaning. Really there aren’t characters in this movie, just paper-thin facsimiles of characters. They run around doing quirky things like writing in lipstick on a mirror and chasing each other around the middle of the desert, but never actually interact in any normal way. The narrative is there, sort of, but it’s not interesting in the least. Really it’s a vapid bunch of nothing with a shiny topcoat sprayed on. By forty minutes in I was exhausted and this thing is two hours and ten gotdamn minutes long. I think if it was a shorter maybe it’d be a little more excusable? Probably not. It’s the sort of film you’d expect from a pretentious film student in an attempt to create True Arte and there’s definitely an audience for that sort of meaningless, shallow thing, but not much. It was just sort of exhausting to sit through in the end. It’s never explained why anyone is the way they are, particularly Cook who I guess has been Ruined by the Music Industry and poisoned by Greed or something. I guess I should point out that all this is accompanied by some decent music and is supposedly set against the background of Austin’s music scene. It has nothing original to say and goes on for way too long. Yet another in the category of “look pretty and do as little as possible.”

Warnings: Lots of sexual themes, drug usage, and warning for themes/mild depictions of self-harm. Also just warning for the pure lack of substance this “movie” has.

Recommend?: No, don’t subject yourself to this. If you want to watch an Art movie, there are better ones and shorter ones to boot.

Angel (Esmé)

Rating: 4.5/10 (the variance in my ratings leaves something to be desired I’m sure but a lot of these really are just okay)

Quick Summary: Angel is a young, self-righteous aspiring writer who succeeds in her dream of becoming a great author and gets rich doing so. Because of this she meets Nora and Esmé, brother and sister. She becomes good friends with Nora who is a great fan of hers, even taking her on as a personal assistant. In contrast, she fawns after Esmé, a typical tortured artist sort whose paintings are misunderstood by the general public and whose attitude leaves something to be desired in spite of Nora’s warnings that he’s something of a playboy. Angel flatters her way into a relationship with him, mostly by pretending to like his art and the two end up engaged and married. After the initial honeymoon stage, Esmé begins to lose interest in Angel who is as narcissistic and vapid as ever. A war begins and he goes to fight in it despite Angel’s protests, which turns out to be only the beginning of the troubles their relationship faces.

Some Thoughts: This movie is a melodrama straight up. It rides the edge of humorous sometimes, but could have done with a bit lighter of a tone in my opinion. In a lot of ways it was a breath of fresh air after the complete lack of any normal human emotion in the past two movies I’d watched (more so in Song to Song but still) so I probably was little more endeared to it than I would have been otherwise. Really I was sort of hoping for a Meg Ryan-esque movie where Fassbender was the alluring man-prize and Angel was the witty, endearing protagonist chasing after him. But……that is not what happened. Angel herself really…is not a likeable character. She’s rude and narcissistic and shallow and she’s rewarded for it. She gets everything she could ever want and never learns or changes until the very end and even then it’s arguable how much she actually learned. As a child she’s insufferable and she just never grows up. Esmé is an asshole and very much the stereotypical misunderstood artist type. His paintings are dark and therefore a reflection of his empty soul you see. Angel panders to him and at first it sort of seems like they deserve each other since they’re both awful. Ultimately Esmé wins out for biggest piece of shit however which maybe garners Angel a bit of sympathy. Nora and the editor are both decently likeable characters and the scenes with them in them aren’t the worst. I sort of liked Esmé and Nora’s relationship in that they actually acted like siblings most of the time. It’s just a sort of silly melodrama with a couple of strange dark elements thrown in without explanation. The backgrounds when they’re driving around are hilarious, I’ll give them that. But otherwise, the protagonist is annoying and learns nothing and that’s a pretty big issue. If you don’t mind melodramas/soap operas maybe you’d like it okay? Otherwise it’d probably just be irritating after a while.

Warnings: Attempted r*pe and depictions of suicide. Also ridiculously fake backgrounds

Recommend?: Not really

The Counselor (The Counselor)

Rating: -300/10 1/10

Quick Summary: I couldn’t explain this movie to you if you paid me actual money. It has no conceivable plot. It’s about drugs, supposedly, but who could say for sure? Unfortunately someone messes with the drugs which makes people not happy which means something Bad is going to happen, but off-screen somewhere, you know, where all interesting things in this movie happen. Brad Pitt is there. So is Penelope Cruz until she gets fridged. Michael Fassbender is The Counselor™ and that’s literally all I can tell you about his character or part in this movie. Even this much is probably speculation. It doesn’t matter anyway nothing fucking matters let’s just move on please god I’ve wasted too many brain cells on this already—

Some Thoughts: FUCK THIS MOVIE AND ITS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES. I thought Blood Creek was the worst…….how little I knew….. this really was the worst, and by worst I mean The Fucking Worst. This may well be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. This movie make Suicide Squad look like a masterwork in cinema. Its plot is completely incomprehensible. It seems as if they filmed everything, cut the parts they didn’t like, accidentally deleted it, then said “Fuck it” and just scooped everything up they’d cut off the editing room floor and used that instead. The cinematography was horrible. The lighting was shit. The dialogue is atrocious. It goes nowhere and is baffling constantly. The characters just stand around and ramble on like they’re all in freshman philosophy class. You don’t know anyone or why anything’s happening. I swear to god they never tell you what’s happening or why. Not once. They never explain anything beyond the fact that there are some drugs and then something goes wrong with the drugs. What? Who knows. How? Like we’d fucking deign to tell you. People come on screen who you’ve never seen before and never will again. Nothing in this movie matters. The characters are all sex-obsessed and insufferable. Everyone in the cast deserved better than this movie, even Brad Pitt who’s playing Billy Ray Cyrus as a drug lord. I have never seen Fassbender so fucking checked out of a movie. Usually even when everyone else is dragging along he’s putting in some effort, but not here and god do I not blame him. His character is just…..inexcusable. He does nothing but stand around and ask dumbass questions. Nothing ever happens to him. HE IS THE TITLE CHARACTER OF THIS MOVIE AND HE DOES NOTHING. BRAD PITT DOES MORE THAN HE DOES. He just listens to other people talk and then is sad. Boy is he sad. We don’t know what he does or how he does it or how he got into this or why the fuck we should even care. He doesn’t even have a real name. Poor fucking Penelope Cruz is in this mess as well and is nothing but an object for man-pain. I’d also like to point out how ridiculously sexist and pretty racist this movie is?? Because it is. Cameron Diaz…..I’m so sorry sweetie……. There are no words for how horrible your treatment is this movie is. You see, she’s terrible because she’s a Bad Woman and therefore Evil and Conniving. She uses her Womanly Wiles against poor innocent men who don’t know any better. No words could describe how terrible this movie is. The fact that anyone would try to defend it is beyond me. I’m cannot believe I wasted two hours of my own human life on this nonsense. This one really is the worst of the worst, the indubitable worst movie on this entire list which, considering some of its competition, is mind-boggling. Blood Creek at least has a plot, stupid as it is. It knew what it was going for. Things happened and made sense. You couldn’t pay me to sit through this again. I have no idea what Scott was going for and I don’t want to know. I fully plan to repress this movie from my mind and never think about it again. Next person to mention it to me again will be blocked so help me god I don’t want to hear another word about it ever. This topic is banned for eternity.

Warnings: There aren’t enough warnings in the world that could prepare you for this shit

Recomm—I BEG OF YOU DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SAVE YOURSELF IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY WATCH THE ROOM OR SOME SHIT IF YOU WANT THAT KIND OF LAUGH THIS IS EXCRUTIATING DO NOT PAY TO SEE THIS PLEASE I SUFFERED SO YOU COULD LIVE HEED MY WARNING, YE WHO VENTURE HERE. PRESERVE YOUR INNOCENCE AND AVOID IT AT ALL COSTS PLEAS—

The Light Between Oceans (Tom Sherbourne)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Tom Sherbourne returns home after several years fighting in the war and takes a job watching over the lighthouse on Janus, a small remote island. It’s a lonely job, but one Tom welcomes readily enough. Before he leaves he meets Isabel Graysmark and the two become interested in one another. When he returns again in order to accept an offer to keep the job for a longer period of time, they go out together and begin a romance. They send letters back and forth when Tom returns to the island and eventually get engaged and marry. Isabel moves out to Janus with Tom and the two are happy. They try to start a family with little success. After two miscarriages Isabel is discouraged and somewhat depressed as having children is very important to her. As if by fate, right after they lose the second baby a boat washes ashore on the island carrying a dead man and an infant which somehow survived. They take in the baby for the time being and Isabel is ecstatic, but Tom warns that they must report the incident and turn the child in. Isabel is desperate however and the two end up conspiring to keep it a secret and pass the child off as their own, burying the man despite Tom’s continued guilt and protests. Little do they know this will lead to greater consequences than either could have ever imagined.

Some Thoughts: In spite of the mixed reviews this movie got, I really enjoyed it? It was the first decent movie I’d watched in a while during this escapade so that might have contributed to it, but I thought it was a really enjoyable, if bittersweet story. It is a romance, but it’s also a drama and it’s not really that predictable. It’s a beautiful movie and an original story, at least to me. I agree that it’s sort of slow-paced, but I didn’t mind it. It sucked me in from the beginning and held my attention until the very end. The chemistry between Alicia Vikander and Fassbender is obvious, and the beginning of the movie is almost sweeter now that they’re married. They make a lovely couple on screen and off. I really don’t relate at all to Isabel’s desires or motivations, but she was still a sympathetic character and Vikander did a great job playing the role. I was glad to finally see a movie of hers. It was also kind of nice to see Fassbender play a genuinely good person, not that I don’t usually enjoy his armada of morally grey parts. It was just a change of pace I appreciated. I thought everyone’s motivations were clear and I was excited to see where the movie would go with itself. It definitely got some tears out of me and while it’s an emotional ride, I don’t think it was overdone necessarily. The ending was as good of one as I could have hoped for considering the plot of the thing. It was a strong film with strong performances in my opinion. I enjoyed it even though I’m usually not one to favor straight-up romances. I’d also like to add that seeing that shit mustache shaved off on screen was incredibly cathartic and this movie deserved an award for including that scene alone.

Warnings: The miscarriages might be off-putting for some people but otherwise, it’s pretty clean.

Recommend?: Yeah, if you like dramas at all, this is a good one.

Haywire (Paul)

Rating: 5.5/10

Quick Summary: Mallory Kane is a special-ops agent of some sort working for a private company. She’s known for being very good at her job, and is hired to rescue a hostage in Barcelona. The operation goes smoothly enough, and she decides to take a break, but is approached immediately afterward by her boss Kenneth. He begs her to take one more quick job in Dublin, working with an MI6 operative. She agrees begrudgingly since she has plans to quit her current job and move on, and heads out. However, once she arrives she finds herself suspicious of the operative Paul and their mission. Her suspicions are soon confirmed as she finds herself under attack without warning from all sides, forcing her to go on the run where she both struggles to survive and find out who wants her out of the way and why.

Some Thoughts: I was actually really interested in this movie, just from the premise and it turned out to be alright. I wouldn’t say it was disappointing, but it wasn’t anything special. Forgettable is probably the operative word. It sort of felt like a 90s movie for some reason, and as though it had a smaller budget than it actually had. Still, even if the execution was kind of shaky with the acting usually mediocre at best in spite of many big names taking part, the concept was one after my own heart. I really like female-led action/spy movies and I gave it props sort of because of that. This movie sort of felt like a precursor to something like Atomic Blonde which was similar in concept but better executed, having come out more recently. Gina Carano is really incredible, just in general, and she plays Mallory. I believe she did most of, if not all her own stunts and that’s always amazing to me. She is as stoic as any James Bond-type and, shockingly, is not sexualized at any point in the film. Frankly Fassy probably won that award since in the 15 minutes or so he was on screen he managed to come out wearing only a towel for no discernible reason. Fassbender has another bit part here, probably even smaller than the one in Inglourious Basterds. He’s fine and just more of a plot device than anything else, on and off screen real quick. It is true that a lot of the characters are plot devices and not that complex. The plot is all eventually explained, but it walks a binary of being too obvious and then too vague. The cinematography was sort of strange, as was the music. It was oddly silent for the most part, like they shot a scene then forgot to add the soundtrack. What music is there is sort of ambient and ill-fitting usually. It was pretty short and that helped it not be weaker than it was. Sort of another nice concept, not great execution sort of film.

Warnings: It’s rated R but it has no reason to be imo. The violence is moderate. There is fighting but not a ton of blood. I was dead-ass serious when I say the most risqué thing was Fassbender’s towel scene.

Recommend?: I guess in the same way I recommended Centurion, if you’re just looking for something to watch this one isn’t the worst. Maybe watch it to see Carano at work.

Assassin’s Creed (Cal Lynch)

Rating: 5.5/10

Quick Summary: Cal Lynch finds himself on death row having been charged and found guilty of murder. Just as he is about to be euthanized, he finds himself rescued and drug off into a strange facility. There he meets Sofia who insists he’s been saved to help them in their quest to bring an end to all violence in humanity. He resists but is forced to help them anyway. He finds himself attached to a machine called the Animus which links him to his ancestor, Aguilar and allows his memories to be viewed. Aguilar is part of a group of people who call themselves assassins. They fight against the Templars in a battle for free-will. The rest of the movie plays out as Cal struggles with his past and must choose between helping Sofia by going against everything his ancestors stood for or becoming an assassin himself.

Some Thoughts: Some background: I was probably, somehow, the perfect person to watch this movie. I assume there are others like me, but probably very few. The thing is, I have really positive memories about Assassin’s Creed. It holds nostalgia for me because I used to like watch my dad or brother play it, but never played it myself because I’m Shit at video games. Therefore, I know nothing about the plot and thus can’t contradict them for getting stuff wrong, but have a fondness for the series that would make me interested to see the movie nonetheless. I suspect that’s why I didn’t hate it as much as everyone else. It really isn’t the worst thing ever. I would say I even enjoyed the first three-fourths or so. The last fourth was a mess, but I’ll get to that. It felt like a strange case of poor concept, good execution. All the acting was really good. I can’t believe they dragged Marion Cotillard into this, but boy did they. She did a great job as usual at least. Her arc really was the more complete one in comparison to Cal’s. Fassbender does a good job as well. I actually kind of enjoyed the fight scenes, endless cutting notwithstanding, and you could tell a lot of work went into them. The atmosphere and cinematography was nice I thought, or at least reminiscent of the game. I could tell they were trying to make it look similar. The actual plot was where it fell flat. The McGuffin was stupid and made no sense whatsoever. The whole idea of violence and free-will being genetic is really dumb and sort of offensive? I don’t know if that was part of the original plot or not, but still.

Cal’s arc really made no sense. (Also jeez, what a shitty time they give him, dragging him straight off death row, into a strange place, straight into a weird gigantic machine….) The first half was fine, you get why he’d want to go back in the Animus and screw the assassins, but then he suddenly changes his mind. That flip, along with the ghost parents and all the other assassins suddenly trusting him after he fucked them over makes no sense and was not explained. The whole end scene was inexplicable. How’d they get there? Why’d they all go if Cal was only gonna kill the one guy? The fact that it was a clear bid for a sequel was….unfortunate and embarrassing. Overall, it wasn’t the worst. I do think people are being a little hard on it, but I’m probably biased since I really don’t know what they got right and what they didn’t. As a layman, it was tolerable. I was expecting it to be The Worst, and since my expectations were so low, I ended up having an okay time.

Warnings: None really. Maybe some blood, but it’s a pretty clean movie.

Recommend?: Not really

BONUS

A Bear Named Winnie (Harry Colebourn)

Rating: 8/10

Quick Summary: Harry Colebourn is part of the Canadian army being deployed to help fight in World War I when, on the way, he finds and saves a bear cub from being skinned. Unable to leave her, he brings her with him, naming her Winnie and declaring her the division’s mascot. Responses from superiors range from begrudgingly accepting to upset and demanding he get rid of her, but he keeps her around anyway. The division grows to love Winnie and Winnie becomes fully domesticated. This poses a problem when they have to head to the front and are unable to take Winnie with them. Harry and the others must find somewhere she can be safe and live a good life without them.

Some Thoughts: I thought I was done but…..this one was free on prime and it just looked too cute to pass up. Really this is a kids’ movie but it’s really adorable and pure. The bear cubs are actual bear cubs and they’re great. It’s like a horse movie, or a dog movie, but with bears, which makes everything hilariously ridiculous because they’re just going around with an actual-ass bear acting like it’s all chill and not a problem. Fassbender is so young in this it’s fun to watch after seeing all the other ones. If you’re interested in just watching him play with bear cubs for an hour and a half this is the movie for you, and really, who wouldn’t? The army subplots in the background are….kind of stupid and go nowhere but again, it’s a kids’ film so that’s sort of to be expected. It’s actually based on a true story and Winnie is the bear who Winnie the Pooh was based off of which makes it that much more adorable. Really it’s just a heart-warming, good time if you like animal movies. I cried at the end because I……am not allowed to watch animal movies I swear to god even happy ones destroy me. I clearly have nothing bad to say about it, it’s cute and good and free. This was the True Good End to the Fassathon we all deserved.

Warnings: None this is seriously the cleanest movie on this list. It’s rated PG or some shit which is unheard of….

Recommend?: Yes it’s really cute

(previously: pt. 1 / cont. in pt. 3)

#fassathon #shut up alice #you can tell when i started getting tired i feel like #it's probably because the second half had the worse ones in general #fun fact: i'm pretty sure the counselor one was a full fucking page of text in and of itself #someday i'll chill but not today #just gonna post it all at once and get it over with #like ripping off a bandaid you know #FUCKIGN TYPO ABOVE THE READMORE #not that this deserves better..........

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thecultoffilm-blog · 7 years

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IT (2017) Review.

I had been excited for the new adaptation of IT since I first saw that iconic picture of Pennywise, grinning creepily with pleasure and contempt. I couldnt wait for it. When the first trailers dropped it got me even more hyped and excited to see what Muschietti would bring to the table, as I was unimpressed with the miniseries. Today I saw IT, and have to say am fairly underwhelmed by it. What I hoped would be a thrilling, scary and atmospheric horror film was an oddly edited, cliche and predictable film. Over this review I will be talking about what works, what doesnt, what I loved and what I hated and finally, an overall score out of 10. Please remember this is all opinionated and very personal, rather than a group opinion. What I loved: Personally the best part of the film for me was the losers club. Not only were all very well performed and gave off a very real and serious vibe, the children acted like children, a rare occurrence in many modern films. The kids throughout this movie are swearing, making your mum jokes and mentioning dick size, like a kid would. Muschietti really nailed this side of the spectrum and due to the great performances by all the children and realistic and relatable behaviour, I found myself really enjoying the club, far more than I thought I would. Another thing I thoroughly enjoyed was the coming of age theme throughout. I really liked this and thought it really added to the story. In a way Pennywise could be a metaphor for all the problems and hard times these kids are facing, and them dealing with him is them working together to beat their daily problems. It may seem stereotypical but I thought it was sweet to see the club grow and learn in such a small amount of time, all of them facing their fears and issues (some more literally than others) Im glad the story wasnt just, "oh look, there's an evil clown who is hurting people, let's go beat him up," as for me this would have made the film flat and uninteresting. I'm very glad it was included and felt it really added to the film. Pennywise is a weird one. I thought he worked at points but at others I just hated him. Saying that, he definitely had far more good scenes than bad but I still just felt unimpressed at his character. It wasn't even Bill's fault, it was just the look and feel to him in general. Again, sometimes he was incredible but sometimes he felt to comedic and cartoon like. Overall though, he was a very strong character and I did enjoy when he was on screen (most of the time) The cinematography in this film in my personal opinion was beautiful. So many scenes were shot so well. Muschietti made sure to use locations and places to their full effect and it shows. The shots used also fit in with the scene. For example when outside in the day the shots were wide and vast, showing off the beauty of Derry or the quarry. However when inside a location it felt claustrophobic and cramped, adding to the intensity and fear of the scene. The lighting was also on point. When in a dark room it felt eerie and as an audience member I felt blind but at the same time little details and important features were clear and visible. When outside the lighting felt very true to life without blinding you of course. Both lighting and the cinematography were very well done and should be applauded. The sound design in the film really sold it for me. Most of my fear produced actually came from the sound rather than whatever else was going on. One scene which I will never forget is Pennywise exiting the cupboard. It really did chill me. But the main reason for doing so is him tapping his long, gloved fingers on the side of the box. It was genuinelly terrifying. The sound was perfectly managed, sounds in the foreground were loud and violent whilst little ones in the back were small and hard to pick up, but the amount it added to the atmosphere was great. I'm very glad the sound was well done and pin pointed in just the right settings and times as it really added to the film for me anyway. What I didn't like: To me, the jumpscares in this film were terrible. I hoped to every possible god that all the jumpscares would be fair and needed. Alas, this is not the case. Thankfully, IT didn't stoop to the level of the classic "it's just a ....." jumpscare but far to mamy were predictable and dull. There were pointless loud noises and violins squealing at me from the screen and a lot of the scares were cheap and commonly used in Hollywood films. There were probably 7 scares which I predicted and out of all of them in total, only a few made me jump. Which isn't great. One thing that really annoyed me was Georgie's walkie talkie screeching whenever he ran by. Stuff like that is what ruined this film. Yes, it is better than a loud bang or smash, but still. I could do better and I've never made a film. It really did upset me as I do love a good jumpscare, but there were very few to be found. As much as I did love them, the kids in the film made such stupid and contradictory decisions. It really got to me. They would constantly wonder off by themselves after all being told not to and it was so annoying to watch. Even Bill, who said to them all countless times to stick together decides to walk away from the group. You could argue that this is Pennywise luring them away with his powers but I personally believe it's a dull way to create another cheap scare. Another thing they all do is the classic, "let me go in this dark room, nothing could go wrong" This is just so pathetic. For example the library scene with Ben. No one would ever follow those eggs and go down there. It felt wrong and fake, exactly the opposite of what this film wanted and was meant to be. I do see why it was needed, but there were far better ways to lure the characters. Pennywise, as mentioned above, did work. But there were so many instances where he didn't. And what does it all come down to? CGI. What ruined him for me was the large amount of CGI that went into the film. I understand that it's nessecary and in some ways it did help, but it sucked any amount of realism out of the film. What does this result in? A lack of tension and fear. For me, the more realistic, the more scary. That's why for me, The Strangers is the scariest horror of all times. It was so real and plausible that it made it far more intimidating simply due to how it was handled and filmed. No CGI, no demons or ghosts. Just 3 insane people trying to murder a couple. It sounds basic but it is so much more scary than IT. For example, the garage scene was so poorly created it nearly made me laugh at how conical Pennywise looked. It just didn't work for me. I do understand it's hard to create a film like this without using it, but I believe that more practical effects could and should have been used. Even if that had meant making it less extravagant. One thing I enjoyed about the miniseries is that it seemed more real because there was no (or very little) special effects or features. This made it feel more real, and in turn, added to the danger and intensity. I wish this interpretation had done the same. The editing was so odd in this film. It went from happy to sad to scary in seconds. It felt misguided and oddly created. A good example is the basement scene. It goes from Pennywise screaming and trying to kill Bill to Bev sat on a staircase in the sun, content and happy. This breaks the tension with ease. Whats even weirder is that it never show the aftermath of the scene, Bill's reaction or thoughts are never shown, it just stops. It's almost like a scene was cut. It felt wrong and misplaced. I understand in some aspects why what was done but still, it felt so strange. Many scenes felt cut and half completed, some seem to short and others to long. The best word for it would have to be inconsistent. I really enjoyed some of the editing, but disliked others. The kiss scene. Is dreadful. This is not a fairy tale world. This is a world where a young boy has his arm ripped off and is pulled into a sewer. Magical kisses do not tie in well with that sort of theme. This infruriated me. Genuinelly. I don't understand. It wasn't to develop character or even a relationship, it wasn't to advance the plot, it didn't add anything to the story. It took away from it. What seemed so real was whisked away in seconds. Was it meant to show that the underdog can always succeed or help others? I for one, am clueless. It really did disappoint me. Am I supposed to believe that a kiss from a random boy can wake up a girl who has been affected by the deadlights? It was so random and wrong. It felt like it had been ripped straight from Disney and plonked straight into the film to add to it's character and charm. It didn't work. At all. And it really did spoil the film. It was cheesy, unasked for and laughable. I still can't think of any reason for including it. My final complaint is the end scene. The final fight. For a start, I'm glad it wasn't long and drawn out over 20 minutes. It would have become boring. But it felt so odd. How Pennywise just collapsed to the floor and started to deteriorate. Again, the end scene reminded me heavily of a Disney film. "We beat you out of love and teamwork." That sort of thing. I understand what they were going for, and it was a sweet ending but it felt wrong to put it in a film like this. What happened to the battery acid? That was great and it made sense. But instead we get the classic fall to his "death" scene. I'm glad they all conquered their fears and I'm glad that they could beat their common enemy but it could have been made far less lovey dovey in my personal opinion. I get that it was to make the audience feel and perhaps even relate but to me this fell very flat. Another issue regarding the scene is Bev. I do understand that sexual abuse must be a horrifying thing do deal with but the fact that Pennywise didn't scare her is dumb. He is the true manifestation of any fear, a monster, a beast. Yet she isn't afraid? Again I know that the whole overcoming her fear had to be included but it was fairly annoying to see that she wasn't bothered even in the slightest. It may seem like nitpicking, but I cared about the film a lot and some bits and pieces made little sense to me, regardless of what the general public say. Overall: IT is not a bad film. It's not incredible, but far from bad. It had it's scary moments and ideas and the film is certainly not for the weak hearted. Themes and ideas are shoehorned in nicely and darker topics are presented in a careful and appealing light. Performances all round are great from everyone, especially the losers club. Pennywise is an intimidating villain throughout and never fails to either disturb or creep you out. It does have it's flaws, but as does any film, and it is impossible to say that IT is not an entertaining film. Even if I wouldn't class it as a true horror it is very amusing and fun to watch in pretty much any situation and I would recommend it if you're ever bored or have nothing to do. Unfortunately I didn't feel it lived up to it's hype but hopefully chapter 2 may be able to improve and evolve from that. I didn't watch the film I was expecting and hoping to see, but it did work and it did achieve it's goal; to entertain, and entertain it did. Overall score: 6/10 Best shot?: The best shot of this film for me is when Georgie attempts to crawl away from Pennywise, his arm bleeding and him crying. IT's inhumanely long arm appears from the drain and we know it's all over for poor little Georgie. So harrowing, but so good.

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voidsettle · 5 years

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Roman Holiday

September 2018

I didn't plan Rome, it just happened. I was actually going to Venice in October, alone, to celebrate my birthday away from my crowd, cura te ipsum. And then I wanted a practice trip to get (morally) prepared for traveling on my own. I was anxious about everything, from my hotel and language to sightseeing and lack of support. I could never imagine I would fall madly in love.

Tempio dei Dioscuri, Roman Forum

Each, in its own way, was unforgettable. It would be difficult to— Rome! By all means, Rome. I will cherish my visit here in memory as long as I live (c) Roman Holiday

I bought tickets to Rome almost by accident. I (almost never an impulsive buyer) was preparing for my Venice trip, buying tickets, booking hotel, and then I saw - Rome. And decided to take a look at the tickets. And ended up buying one.

Ave Caesar, Morituri Te Salutant!

The predictions for the trip were not looking bright. First I got a rejection from the first hotel I booked because I was arriving pretty late at night (around midnight). I booked another one and, looking at some reviews, found out this hotel was not really a good choice. And so anxiety ensued.

I didn't know how to get from the airport to my hotel. Taxi'd cost me nearly 70 euros, ouch. The trains stopped running around the time I landed, but I still had to go through the customs. Internet research not only gave no answers but actually increased my nervousness: buses didn't route 24/7, crime (pickpockets mostly) was high, Wi-Fi in cafes was only accessible for locals with Italian cards (something-something anti-terrorism ad nauseam), and mobile companies would try to trick you into spending more. I felt devastated.

But as soon as I set foot in Rome, it all vanished in a cloud of smoke. The great city welcomed me with summer warmth, lively, happily oblivious crowds and small streets with equally small, smart cars. I was captivated instantly - the feeling that'd linger in me for months to come.

Felix culpa, truly.

Veni, Vidi, Vici

Colosseo, Rome. Asians are truly great photographers - I got the shot from a trio of Malaysian girls

I didn't have a plan. I've done my homework, surely - some books on Michelangelo, a couple of movies featuring Rome, bits of research here and there. Ex nihilo nihil fit, the lesson you learn after so many trips. I knew about Places, had a must-see list, a maybe-visit list, and even a in-case-I'm-bored-and-have-free-time list. But for my first morning in Rome, I decided to just stroll down the hill from Roma Termini, where my hotel was, to the foremost Roman attraction, the Colosseum.

That morning - and each one afterwards - I woke up at 7 (a rare feat for me, a devoted late-sleeper) to the chime of bells. An authentic experience, when surrounded by churches - not unlike Istanbul, where you wake up to a muezzin call. It's quite convenient: I never once needed an alarm clock. Although people with weaker psyche probably would be disgruntled.

But I wanted a cup of coffee first. The thing about coffee in Rome (and the rest of Italy, really) is that it's great. Unlike many of the European countries, Italians do know what coffee is: I never had bad - nay, even mediocre coffee in Italy. Here, coffee is not just a breakfast, a legal drug or a communication vehicle; it's a tradition.

Do not sit down for coffee - the price of the order will double the moment you pick a table. Drink it at the bar, standing up, with a piece of fresh pastry and chatting with the bartender and other clients.

This is the best way to adapt to mornings. By day two, I learned to order my coffee in Italian, as locals do; by day three, nearly passed as one.

Moses by Michelangelo, San Pietro in Vincoli

The thing about Rome is: you should not ignore the opportunities. If you see something curious, do not pass by. I discovered the first of Michelangelo's works by chance, ascending the stairs of the random vine-draped arched passage and finding myself facing the church of St Peter in Chains.

Fortunately, I have a sweet habit of walking inside the churches I see, no matter how famous they are - they always give comfort to the tired feet and eyes, allow to rest and might feature something curious.

Mood altered after recognizing the hand of the great master, I strolled down the street that opened the view of the Colosseo.

Get a ticket at the Roman Forum - you get to see Colosseo as well, but no need to wait in lines.

At the entrance, I got acquainted with a couple from Frankfurt, who met in Vilnius, but were originally from Ukraine. What a small world.

Roman Forum is a place of history so deep that it was dizzying. I don't remember much specifically for this reason: ancient places tend to have so much meaning one has troubles stacking it all up into their mind and worldview.

Palatine Hill. Sun, pines and cicadas

So the first vivid and distinct impression I caught was on top of Palatine Hill, and had nothing to do with history but everything with pure sensations.

High dark pines (that specific Roman kind with flat crowns), unbearably loud, suffocating cicadas, bitter fir-tree air, slightly moist and trembling with heat, tasting of stone and sand, scorching sun pouring over the crown of my head down the shoulders with viscous glutinous beads.

This simple, thick and fragrant flavor will always be the first thing that pops into my mind whenever I think of Rome. And thus I fell.

Palatine Hill is more of a park than a museum (like Roman Forum). Colosseo is neither; it's a site of tourism, of people, covered under the multilingual crowds to the point of being completely extinguished under the feet and voices.

The lines are formidable (you don't want to be caught in one of those, trust me). Even with a ticket, I spent nearly 20 minutes waiting for the security check. Inside, there is even more people: they are sitting on the fallen columns, ruined walls, on the sandy ground. They are taking photos, laughing, greedily drinking, fainting from heat, and chatting, talking, shouting! Most eerie feeling when you're alone.

Colosseo, Rome

Also, the place is ginormous. Who could've thought that Rome featured an even bigger arena, Circus Maximus that could fit more than double-sized crowd of the Colosseum. Unfortunately, not even ruins remained.

Whatever city I visit, I manage to get lost at least once, walking away from tourist routes and off into the jungles of the city. This result in all kinds of hilarious and wondrous discoveries; in Rome, it gifted me with Giardino degli Aranci and its smaller version Giardino di Sant'Alessio.

These cozy little pools of greenery in the midst of churches and ruins give off the vibe of a luxurious garden of a Roman Republic villa - emerald-green, piny, shadowy and tart. The specific feeling that mostly locals visit the area persists: Italians are sitting on the many benches, enjoying the cool patchwork shadows of the orange trees, books lazily sprawled in their laps, hats thrown back to the napes, spots of sun dancing over their calm, slumbered expressions. The far end of the garden opens into a spectacular vista of the left bank of Rome and Vatican's San Pietro in the distance framed by the hot, smooth and almost soft marble of the parapet.

Oranges underfoot are aplenty but, unfortunately, inedible: too bitter and acerbic. Not that the tourists don't try: some of the fruits are actually peeled and half-eaten.

There's yet another place worth visiting once near the gardens - the Hole of Rome, a keyhole that opens a view to the three countries of Italy, Vatican (the Dome of San Pietro is barely visible) and Malta (represented by the Maltese Embassy). For me, it's a tell-tale determinant of human nature: heat hammering down people's heads, at least 20-minute long line and a tiny keyhole to witness the symbolic combo. I ignored the keyhole but thoroughly enjoyed the human nature instead: the motivation (when I asked a boy standing almost at the front of the long line) was 'because there is a hole you can look through'. Isn't that just so hilariously wonderful?

Observing the vista from the panoramic gardens, I was seduced by the Tiber quay at the foot of the hill. Seeing a lot, tired and hungry, I was still enraptured by the image that came to denote older Italy for me. Fine squarish cobblestones, light-clad plane trees with mottled, scaly barks and round prickly fruits. Restless, tumultuous Tiber, covered in humpback bridges, chained in taut rangy walls, smooth and weathered. Wide rough-stone parapet of the quay built for resting your elbows (or, if you're capable, sitting) on, enjoying the unhurried serenity - something I will be chasing after in every other Italian town.

A short detour along the quay of Tiber and through Isola Tiberina on my way to seeking dinner at the foot of the Capitoline Hill

Rome is full of romantic experiences, whether one's wandering through the labyrinth of Roman streets or witnessing solis occasum at Castel Sant'Angelo. In September, sun strings itself directly on the spiel of Duomo San Pietro, and pours pinkish light over the crowns of the high planes, diffusing their somberly greens into soft oranges and flooding the city in mysterious glimmering haze of dusk.

Naturally, being this close to Vatican, I couldn't pass on the opportunity. San Pietro bathed in twilight is enthralling, when the warm orange spots of the slim street lights mix with the deepening blue sky and the vanishing yellow of the clouds.

I always had rather lethargic sense of self-preservation when it came to odd people. This got me in a number of situations that my friends afterwards deemed weird and/or dangerous while incredulously staring at me. Near one of the Vatican fountains, I chanced upon a small Italian man with a flaming passion for Roman history and a foot fetish.

So I found myself in the middle of Piazza San Pietro, barefoot, enjoying the lukewarm marble under my feet, very solid and incredibly smooth. Walking around downtown, I also got an unexpected tour from this local guide slipping in some trivia while enjoying the crowded spaces of piazza Navona and fountain Trevi.

I barely got to the hotel that day, feet searing in tired heat. By chance found a great cure: rubbing the soles and toes forcefully with a wet, preferably rough towel. Feels gorgeous.

Homo Sum Humani a Me Nihil Alienum Puto

The two greatest things about Roman streets are gelato and marble stairs - and they're this much better when combined, and made alive by people

People in Rome are great - despite their oddities. Probably one of the reasons I adored this crazy city so much was because of all the weird encounters I had. Within the first 24 hours, I've met people from all over the world. A girl from India, with whom we exchanged photos in Colosseum. A girl from Hungary that got lost in the circular passages of Castel Sant'Angelo with me. Two couples from Toronto who dined at the table nearby in a cafe on one of the pedestrian streets near piazza Venezia - they got all chatty, brightening up my solitary lunch. One of them just happened to be a writer and recommended me a British publishing agency (along with promising me a copy of his freshly published book).

Germany, Nepal, South Africa, the US, Peru - at some point, I stopped keeping track, instead basking in the multicultural melting pot of colors and languages.

And then there were mindless wanderings, ruins on every corner (literally; there are some well-known and others that are barely fenced from the omnipresent tourists), churches literally everywhere, and streets wide and narrow, flavored by delicious cuisine. Traditionally Roman pasta on a checkered tablecloth, homemade wine and street performers combine into a experiences you see in the movies but never assume to be possible in reality.

Trajan Forum, piazza Venezia

When you think Rome, think water fountains, marble stairs and churches.

Walking down the streets of Rome, I promised to make a pledge of love to Roman fountains: they were what got me though the day. You rarely sit in Rome (and when you do, it's either marble stairs of whatever building you pass or inside a church; or on the marble stairs of the church). You don't feel your feet by the end of the day, and that's when fountains give you at least a tiny bit of relief to get to your destination (commonly the next fountain).

Don't leave your hat and sunscreen behind. Have an empty water bottle - the water fountains with drinkable water are scattered throughout Rome; a life-saving mechanism.

Piazza del Popolo full of men blowing rainbow-filled soap bubbles, street artists providing soundtrack on the background and laughing, frolicking children and parents

My second day in Rome was the day of piazzas. I started at piazza Venezia and the nearby Capitoline museums (wonderfully cool, coherent and immersive, not to mention the exciting hunt of the passage from Palazzo dei Conservatri to Palazzo Nuovo, which appeared to be under Palazzo Senatorio, offering an apropos panoramic view of the Roman Forum). Altare della Patria, towering over the piazza, built of cool marble and pure magnanimous giantism served as the observing deck to plan the route.

Next, after an hour of contemplative silence in Pantheon's dome, it was time for piazza Navona with its aquatically-themes fountains and the baroque art of chiesa di Sant'Agnese in Agone.

With a gelato from Grom (Italian gelateria chain) in hand and determination in heart, I walked under the planes' rustling leaves of the Tiber quay to piazza del Popolo, where I had another half an hour sitting and listening to classical pieces by Chopin, Shubert and Albinoni in chiesa di Santa Maria dei Miracoli.

Before the final stop at piazza di Spagna, I delighted in the view from the Balconata del Pincio at the western border of Borghese gardens. This part of Rome inside Aurelian Walls is where the locals spend their weekends, public park zones and family entertainments aplenty.

Sunset over Rome, view from the top of Spanish stairs

Vialle della Trinita dei Monti leads way along the gardens, opening to the vista of Rome on the right side. The street opens to the top of Spanish steps, where I camped for the next couple of hours under the double bell-towers of chiesa di Trinita dei Monti. Families, friends, dates appointed and met, street vendors selling paintings, roses and cheap toys, hats and umbrellas, sunglasses and various small merchandise - the place is a wonderful spot to savor the life of Rome.

Carpe Diem, Carpe Noctem

Colosseo and Via dei Fori Imperiali at night

Nightfall brings relief and freshness, and also lights. Suddenly, Rome wears different colors; blues and greens dissipate into the dark corners, but yellows pull a warm cover over the city. Rome at night is gorgeous.

Do see the lights of Colosseum, this one is gorgeous. Roman Forum, on the other hand, was quite disappointing.

I was knackered after the museum run and the circle stroll around half the Rome. Still - hic manebimus optime - I followed through with the plan, and was rewarded with a magnificent view and, more importantly, atmosphere.

Besides, it's not only the major sights you want to see; Rome at night breathes a different air. Couples of all ages stroll up and down the streets, yellow lights over their heads. Fountains are bathed in white lights, and you find random statues of gods and heroes scattered on city corners, hidden and on display. Downtown is busy, bustling and crowded; the rest of Rome falls asleep and offers a chance to get to know the streets that are not flooded with tourists. It's a different city - but definitely one you'd want to meet.

Imperium in Imperio

View of Rome and St Peter's Square from the top of the Dome of St Peter's Basilica, Vatican

While still at home, getting prepared for the trip, I wasn't very fond of the idea to see the Vatican museums. Travel connoisseurs were complaining at the stuffiness, extreme lines and crowds that don't really allow you to see anything. And, well, they were right.

If there is a possibility to dodge the visit to Vatican museums, it's a decision that'll save time, money and mood.

Of course, it's exciting to see Stanze di Raffaello (School of Athens is obviously my favorite) and Michelangelo's work on Sistine Chapel. Yet the crowds of Vatican are no brutum fulmen, a force to be reckoned with. Besides, I did spent nearly 2 hours in line - it was a good thing I caught a company of another unlucky tourist, who was able to chat my boredom away.

San Pietro, on the other hand, was captivating. The imposing luxury, the solid gilding, the voluminous ornaments of different styles (and complete lack of seats to rest your spent limbs). I massively enjoyed the Dome and the pontifical tombs, especially as I used the latter to finally lose my company from the museums, mea culpa.

Surely, I had to send a couple of postcards from the post office of Vatican, the smallest country in the world (with the best post office; they still came only a month later).

Semper Fidelis

View of panorama of Rome and Altare della Patria from Giardino degli Aranci

Rome is a cosmopolitan and extremely democratic city. You can see the most of it for free. Aside from piazzas (Venezia, Navona, di Spagna, del Popolo and San Pietro), churches (at the very least Pantheon, Basilica di San Pietro and San Pietro in Vincoli) and numerous fountains (Trevi obviously the most significant of them), there are Altare della Patria, Garden of Oranges, Isola Tiberina and Spanish Stairs. If satisfied with a view from above and further away, you can also have a thorough look at Roman Forum from Capitoline Hill and at Colosseo from Via dei Fori Imperiali.

But most importantly, the feel of Rome. Tiny cars and coffee. Churches and ruins at every turn. Somberly green pines with high flat crowns and planes shedding skin in white flakes. Enrapturing Tiber, muddy and relentless in its chains. Ancient, worn out marble stairs. Friendly and happy people from most different corners of the world. Rapidly melting gelato covering you hands in sweet drops. Fountains with refreshing cool water. What's there not to like?

I don't know how to say goodbye (c) Roman Holiday

I was leaving from Roma Termini to Fiumicino airport on this pompously advertised Leonardo express train but cannot say anything in its favor except for its speed. Unlike the bus that actually drives past Colosseum, it quickly flashes past the city and into half-rural landscapes. Cui bono? If you want the last glimpse of Rome, take the bus.

Amor Vincit Omnia

Palazzo si Giustizia at dusk

Soundtrack is important for any trip. In Ye Olde Europe I commonly find myself immersed in the unobtrusive warmth of Kaleo's Vor i Voglaskogi, best suited for the moist softness of Baltic countries and jovial sobriety of the Eastern regions.

For Rome, nothing is better than Puccini's Tosca. Standing outside palazzo Farnese (currently French embassy in Rome) I was listening on loop to Tosca's aria Vissi d'Arte performed by unparalleled Maria Kallas. In Castel Sant'Angelo, E Lucevan le Stelle - Placido Domingo's aria of Cavaradossi - and its life-reassuring, heart-breaking, breath-taking meaning is perfect to make the sense of sombre stone passages and elevated open-air decks.

In Vatican, I switched to Miserere, a piece specifically written by Gregorio Allegri to be performed in the Sistine Chapel. The polyphonic harmony of voices combines in sublime, somber and tranquil melody, repetitive, exalted and pure. It gives the feeling of a lofty Gothic Catholic cathedral with warm sun breaking through its high-and-tall lancet windows, stalling in the upper tiers and airily patching the gray granite floor with the spots of warm glow. The daylight gradually fades into tenebrae, until the candles are extinguished one by one until the single one is left to dispel the darkness.

Panem et Circenses

Finding real Italian trattorias is important - touristy cafes are too pricey and - much more importantly! - have poor food. For Italian places, look out for the signs:

traditional menus (not laminated two-sided paper ones)

menus mostly in Italian

no barkers trying to hoard you in

no sites and attractions nearby

acceptable prices

Italian clientele

In vino veritas (what to eat):

Carbonara (bacon and egg pasta)

Cacio e pepe (cheese and pepper pasta)

Amatriciana (bacon, onion and tomato sauce pasta)

saltimbocca alla romana (veal with ham and sage)

abbacchio alla scottadito (lamb cutlets)

coda alla vaccinara (oxtail stew)

puntarelle (chicory - contorni, side dish)

pizza capricciosa

pizza salame/salsiccia piccante

pizza prosciutto e fichi

porchetta (full-roasted pig)

guanciale (pork jowl)

tiramisu (traditional dessert)

gelato (local ice-cream)

Sicilian pastry

local wines (reds or whites; what matters is that you drink them)

E pluribus unum (what to see):

San Pietro in Vincoli (Michelangelo's Moses)

Colosseo

Arch of Constantine

Roman Forum

Palatine Hill

Castel Sant'Angelo

Trevi fountain

Pantheon

Piazza Navona

palazzo Farnese

Campo de' Fiori

Piazza di Spagna and Spanish steps

Borghese museum and gardens

Piazza del Popolo

Chiesa di Santa Maria dei Miracoli

Sacro Cuore del Suffragio

Piazza Venezia

Trajan's Forum and Column

Altare della Patria

Capitoline Hill and museums

Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore

Isola Tiberina

Giardino degli Aranci

Circus Maximus

Bocca della Verita (Mouth of Truth)

Pyramid of Cestius

Church of Santa Maria Sopra Minerva

Baths of Caracalla

Archbasilica of St John Lateran

Porta San Sebastiano

Chiesa del Domine Quo Vadis

Catacombs of Saint Calixt

Catacombe di San Sebastiano

Circus of Maxentius

Mausoleum of Caecilia Metella

Basilica of Saint Paul Outside the Walls

Vatican:

St Peter's Square

St Peter's Basilica (including Pauline Chapel for Michelangelo's frescoes and Pieta, Dome and catacombs with the tombs of Popes)

Vatican museums

Sistine Chapel

Ipse Dixit

Roman Forum and Palatine Hill

I might be biased in favor of Rome - Tosca, Call Me By Your Name, Roman Holiday; Punic Wars, Michelangelo and Julius II, Alexander III and the Borgias. They say it's the Eternal City. Cannot argue with that. I don't care what is mainstream, argumentum ad populum (tu quoque, huh): I love Rome.

#rome #italy #vatican

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oumakokichi · 7 years

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Don't have much space sorry if this doesn't come out as well. I would like to offer a counter point to what you previously mentioned in one of your metas, the one about how Ouma was set up to be an Ultimate Dispair and mastermind from the beginning, I disagree. The fact that Ouma was given that title was an act of retaliation through the mastermind after he took the "game board." If a remembering light would have ever shown him that I doubt he would have accepted it, given how his true intention

(part 2) given how his true intentions were never malicious. Personally I think Shirogane got a little starry-eyed when making talents and didn’t consider exactly how much of a problem Ouma could actually be, but whenever she saw her mistake she was quick to correct it.

These are all goodpoints! However, I’m still pretty sure Tsumugi pretty clearly intended a verynegative role for Ouma right from the start, and that it was only a matter oftime before she pulled (or at least attempted to pull) a similar stunt as theHope’s Peak remember light in Chapter 5. She actually implies as much when she’sactually caught in the trial: she basically says that she “had wanted to save [theHope’s Peak remember light] for a little bit later on” but that the currentsituation in Chapter 5 had gotten so bad that it “forced her hand.”

This suggests to me that for the killing game show, settingup a definite “bad guy” or “antagonistic” figure separate from the realringleader was nothing strange or new. In the same way that Tsumugi wasperfectly fine with framing Kaede for a murder she never committed all the wayback in Chapter 1, I think she had no qualms whatsoever with the idea offraming Ouma or anyone else (“Kaede’s twin sister,” haha) to be the “SHSLDespair” figure. It’s even quite possible she tried this tactic and got awaywith it in other killing games, though we have no way of knowing for sure.

The thing is, everything about Ouma suggests a very clearrole intentionally set up for him by Tsumugi and the producers, even from wellbefore Chapter 5. His SHSL Supreme Leader talent is fake—all the evidence wehave in-game and in bonus mode content suggests that any actual “evil secretorganization” never existed in the first place. Yet even this “fake talent”portrays a considerably more negative image than any of the talents the othercharacters have. Even characters with confirmed multiple talents, such asRyouma or Amami, don’t have anything that quite screams “hello yes I’m the badguy” as much as an “evil Supreme Leader” talent.

Even Ouma’s design seems to suggest he was meant to be setup to look ominous and imposing. His in-game clothes, like all the characters’,were very likely designed for him as part of his “role,” and were probablydesigned by Tsumugi herself. This means that everything from the hat and capemeant to make him look like a villain, to the tattered, almost ratty-lookingstate of his shirt and scarf upon closer inspection, was part of a carefullyplanned character design. The chain on the left side of his shirt and thestraps on his sleeves and pants legs serve the same purpose.

If we take into account the fact that each and every character’sdesign was meant to convey a certain trope or genre or role to not only theplayer but the ndrv3 audience as well, then what we can theorize is this:Tsumugi and the DR producers pretty clearly intended for Ouma to give off anegative and villainous vibe right from the start.

Even his research lab is considerably different and otheredfrom the rest of the group’s. While everyone else’s labs are located on one ofthe school floors and accessible by normal means every time a new floor orlocation opens up after each trial, only Ouma’s is distant and hidden away fromplain sight. The fact that it’s underground and very removed from the rest of the labs, plus the fact that itresembles something like a “super-villain lair” as Saihara remarks, suggeststhat even this was something planned and meant to make Ouma look very ominousand sketchy compared to the rest of the characters.

I think you are absolutely correct, however, in that even ifTsumugi had been able to use a remember light on Ouma to try to make him think he was the leader of theRemnants of Despair or “Junko’s successor” or anything of the sort, it wouldn’thave worked. Remember lights lose their effectiveness the moment the person inquestion either suspects or knows for a fact that they’re fake. And Ouma wasperceptive enough pretty much from the beginning to doubt and suspect all the remember lights, meaning therewas no way to convince him to really believe those memories were his own.

But the thing is, I think Ouma’s real talent, provided tohim by Tsumugi and the producers, is actually the reason they thought all ofthis would work. We have no confirmationon this, but I’ve theorized in other meta posts that I believe Ouma’s realtalent is something along the lines of “SHSL Chessmaster.” Given everythingthat we know about Ouma and his incredibleability for predicting situations and responses from others, I don’t think it’sa far cry away to say that he was probably given something very, very close toJunko and Kamukura’s SHSL Analysis.

He analyzed and predicted so much of the actual events ofthe game. For pretty much every trial excepting Chapter 1, he knew who theculprit was in every single case before the trial even started. He suspectedand theorized about the virus that accompanied the meteor showers in Chapter 3,well before it was “revealed” in the Hope’s Peak remember light in Chapter 5.He predicted that the killing show was a game and that there was an audiencewatching, and he knew that their memories were by and large fake anduntrustworthy. And, of course, there’s the script from Chapter 5, where hewrote about 300-or-so pages that predicted multi-branching routes for nearly every possible response in the Chapter 5trial so that Momota could respond and act accordingly.

If these things don’t suggest that Ouma either had SHSLAnalysis or something very close to it (I theorize “Chessmaster” because Oumadeals much more with hypotheticals than Junko, and because of his determinationto treat everything as a game), I don’t know what does. If this is true, thenit’s worth noting that this specific SHSL talent is particularly associated with what it means to “despair.

In the DR universe, beingsuper-intelligent is often associated with finding absolutely nothing fun orinteresting around you, is the worst-case scenario imaginable. Boredom meansknowing everything around you—and it’shorrible. The reason Junko and Kamukura both turn to “despair” as a solution isbecause despair promises what seems like the only excitement in a world inwhich you know everything (and this is all very Umineko once again). Dr0 is aperfect display of how analysis and prediction of everything inevitably leadsto the worst kind of despair, as we gradually see Ryouko descend into becomingJunko once again because, despite Matsuda’s best efforts to ensure otherwise,she’s simply too smart for her own good.

My main point is, analysis is equated with despair again andagain in the DR series. There is, of course, a lot that could go wrong withgiving someone such an incredibly useful ability—but I think that Tsumugi andthe DR producers believed that it was a talent so undeniably tied to the ideaof “despair” and that it would cause even the best person to want to despair.In other words, the fact that they very likely gave Ouma an ability sointentionally similar to Junko’s and Kamukura’s suggests to me that this wastheir “trump card” for making sure Ouma would play the villain role later on.

Of course, we come back to the fact that if this is true, it’sprecisely the reason why Ouma became so much of a pain in Tsumugi’s ass lateron. His predictive and analytical abilities are precisely the reason why he wasable to snatch the gameboard away and throw so many wrenches into her plans, aswell as the reason why he was able to do all of this largely under the radaruntil unveiling his true intentions in Chapter 5. Because she and the DRproducers believed Ouma was such a perfect villain character and pawn to theirplans, they failed to notice the ways in which Ouma was actually planning andmoving behind the scenes—and that became their undoing.

These things were always a possible risk from the start, butI don’t think either Tsumugi or Team DR really thought that it would come downto this. After all, in most cases, and even with Junko and Kamukura both, acharacter having SHSL Analysis was definitely enough to make them become fed upwith everything around them. Despair is the preferred choice for characterswith this sort of talent.

What was unexpected was that Ouma would take his “despair”and his boredom, and refuse to take it out on others. The only ones he wantedto make “despair,” as he himself says in a flashback during the Chapter 5 post-trial,were the ringleader and the audience themselves. Even without having beensubjected to a single remember light about Hope’s Peak, I find it interestingand worth noting that Ouma doesmention words like “despair” and “hope” on several occasions in both Chapters 4and 5. Even though he wasn’t actually the villain and was trying to strike backat the real ringleader the whole time, he clearly understood himself that hewas meant to play the villain, embraced that role, and strove to instead turnit against the real ringleader.

I think because of how hard Ouma struck back at her and howdesperately he tried to force the entire game to a halt, Tsumugi had to reviseand adjust her plans drastically in Chapter 5. And I do agree that she stroveto set Ouma up even more maliciously and thoroughly than before because she wasdefinitely pissed off at him for having nearly brought the whole killing gameto an end.

But considering her own remarks in Chapter 6 about havingalready planned the Hope’s Peak twist even from the beginning, and about havingwanted to save it for later on, I think it’s fair to say that this was never afar cry away from her original intentions. Ouma’s design, talent, lab,everything about him, all of it was very deliberately different from thetreatment the rest of the characters received.

If Kiibo was clearly supposed to be a Naegi-type figure andeventually come to embody “SHSL Hope” the way that Tsumugi wanted him to fromthe start, then I don’t doubt at all that Ouma was her intended “SHSL Despair”target long before she actually used the Hope’s Peak remember light in Chapter5. It would even explain why Kiibo and Ouma’s promotional artwork was featuredtogether, and why they were both very likely next to each other in the samelocker when they woke up in Chapter 1—the promotional materials, after all,were intended just as much for the ndrv3 audience as they were for us, theplayers. Even the actual game opening is shown in the middle of the Chapter 6trial to emphasize this.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on it. As per usual,quite a lot of this is theorizing and speculation. It’s entirely possible that myguess is wrong! I don’t mind if that’s the case either, because theorizing tothis degree and picking apart all these clues. And on the off-chance this sortof thing ever does get confirmed by Kodaka at one point or another, I’llprobably just cry. Thank you for stopping by, these were very fun points to discuss!

#ndrv3 #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #kokichi ouma #ouma kokichi #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #althaia voltz

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