#motherhood things

[skinreflectsthesun]

Yesterday beba was just not having it, he was fussy and crying and thrashing, he was upset because I took his puffs away so we could have dinner, and I really had a moment where I was so triggered. I had to walk away and take a deep breath. I had to take the time and imagine myself handling this well and not completely losing it. And I did that, I came back to him while he was still crying and thrashing and picked him up and sat him on my lap and hugged him and just tried to soothe him. Telling him I understand and I know you had a long day and it’s okay to be upset and I’m here. This was more for me than him because I know he doesn’t understand. But he calmed down and rested his head on my shoulder, his face was still covered in tears and his cheeks were pink. He was having a hard time and he needed me in that moment to be the solid unshakeable foundation, and I did that, I stayed calm even though I was overwhelmed, even though my childhood experiences pulled at my sleeve, I brushed it off and remembered that he was having a hard time and he needed me.

[jerzwriter]

Can you elaborate on this ? 👀

"Even when Ethan is your husband, it is HARDER to be a Mom in this world, and I will DIE on that hill."

Sure.

Society puts far more expectations on women as parents than it does on men. We are judged more harshly. We are expected to do more. When grown children have issues, we are blamed.

We had a big discussion here about breastfeeding, of all things, not long ago. The whole world feels they have the right to tell a woman what to do with HER body, and if they don't oblige, they are judged.

It is EXHAUSTING. It is difficult. Even in the best of marriages, with the most supportive of spouses, it is HARD.

The pressure is internalized. It is put on us by people who love us (and don't even realize they are doing it.) Sadly, it is very, very often put on us by other women, other mothers. Men don't get together and talk shit about another dad unless he is downright abusing his children, but women are judged for every decision they make as a parent.

Think of it. If a woman works, she's neglecting her children. If she stays at home, she's not providing for her family and showing her children she's less important.

The list goes on and on and on, and it doesn't stop.

Has it improved? Well, that depends on where you live, who your family is, etc. But on a societal level, has it improved. A smidge. But we have MILES to go.

So, my thoughts are Kaycee has a great support system. She has a husband who does not buy into misogynistic bullshit. But trust me... it's still hard for her.

[metanarrates]

honestly you all are so annoying because motherhood IS interesting but fandom people are simultaneously obsessed with deciding that every woman has motherly qualities and completely disinterested in actually exploring motherhood as a role that informs a character. I do think exploring a character being a mother can be wildly interesting if they are canonically one, but because of misogyny, people just view motherhood as a totally unremarkable naturalized state that all women must inhabit!

[royalarchivist]

Fit: Yeah, they're all great, you'll like them a lot, you're in good hands.

Pac: You're in good hands, Empanada. One day, if you want to switch place one day, maybe? You know? Just let me know. Remember the thing we talked about yesterday, right? Yeah. Anytime.

Fit: [Chuckles] You two made a little agreement?

Pac: Yeah! Maybe one day it's going to happen, you know? I need to search for a hat just like Empanada's.

Fit: W- wh- wait, Just like in wait a minute, wait a minute. You want to switch places with Empanada? Is that what you mean?

Pac: Yes!!! She had the best mothers of all time! Like, imagine how she's going to be treated, like, she's going to be a princess! The princess of all princess!

Fit: [Stunned silence] Y- yeah, yeah! That- that- great. Just-

Empanada:

Pac: Yeah, you know, like– Tina and Bagi, you know, they are my mothers as well.* Mis madres, mis madres, mis madres, you know, 'cus of the meme, you know Fit, you know Fit?

Fit: Yeah yeah yeah yeah, I- I– Yeah. Yeah no, I get it, I get you, I get you, I understand. I understand. ...yeah.

Pac: [Laughs] Yeah.

Empanada: Drama

Fit: We say "fofoca", Empanada, in Portuguese, yeah. Fofoca, fofoca.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Voyager's obsession with every female character being a mother either literally or metaphorically is so dire like even SESKA got pregnant. Someone put a planned parenthood in the Delta Quadrant PLEASE. Someone start handing out condoms, this is an EMERGENCY.

[svnnnne]

so turns out i am a mother now to a tiny piccodo ren

[jelloholic]

My defense of Alicent Hightower in the HotD season 2 finale

(Not an Alicent stan, but this must be said)

Her character is still about duty and sacrifice. It's just that over the course of this season, with many realizations dawning on her, her priorities changed. She loves her kids deeply, but Aegon and Aemond are a threat to everyone, including themselves, the people, and most importantly, Halaena. Things she had not previously known. It's her duty as the mother of Halaena to sacrifice her sons to protect her.

What could she do to protect herself, Halaena and Jahaera? The greens are no longer a safe space for them, and the blacks have shown to simultaneously be threat if they oppose them, but willing to compromise if she so chooses. She no longer has any sway with her own party, but she can negotiate with Rhaenyra. The blacks have the advantage with more dragons, and she can't get rid of them. The greens have the advantage by having Kingslanding, and she can give it away. It's made clear time and time again that the only thing she can do to save Haleana is side with the blacks.

Many things dumbfounded me with the reactions to *that* scene:

"Ryan made her a hypocrite!" That has been an integral part of her character since day 1

"Why did she change her mind after pushing Aegon to the throne herself!?" She was partly misled by her father about his intentions, Aegon is a terrible man and king that serves only as a figurehead for the men around him to use, she misunderstood Viserys's last words, she couldn't predict the future to know that her boys would be violent, the brutality of the war hit her with Aemond and Daemon's actions, etc. These are all things she didn't know beforehand that she only realized in season 2, she became disillusioned, like any other sane person would've been

"How could a mother do that to her own son?!" People tend to idealize motherhood to a ridiculous degree. They have unrealistic expectations of women. How they should always think of all their children all the time, no matter what. Yet when those same mothers defend their horrible children, suddenly they're terrible. When most of us find out a loved one did an incredibly morally reprehensible act, we distance ourselves (or give them one or more chances to redeem themselves before doing so), it's odd that people don't consider that an option for fictional characters. Nothing will ever be good enough for many viewers. These people also tend to forget that bad parents exist? And that their behaviors might've been abusive, but *sometimes* done with good intentions? We established her broken bond with her 2 eldest boys already and why, but people are shocked about Daeron, but she didn't raise him. She's been disconnected from him since the start. Most parents who give their children away will grieve at first, then eventually move on and only think about the kid occasionally. She's focusing on doing what's good for her daughter now, 'monsters' and 'strangers' be damned

I do have criticism for some of the ways she and the other women were written, but this level of outrage is ridiculous

(I will gladly interact with ppl that disagree, but I'm not entertaining misogyny (like calling her a cunt or a bitch), arguments against things I have NOT said, or ppl so lost in their emotions that they can't string up a coherent thought)

[whoisclarinet]

teenage girls nowadays are filled with enormous religious rage and endless sorrow for their mother's childhood

[seventeendeer]

just started book 3 of my ATLA rewatch and, all goofs aside, I do think it's a massive shame how many genuinely interesting ideas are in here which never get to shine because the headwriters are fundamentally uncomfortable with the themes they inserted into their own story.

they want to write a story introducing kids to the concept of war, but all of their main characters are inexplicably insanely competent and powerful, so we only get a handful of scenes depicting the war with any amount of realism. these scenes usually involve very minor one-off characters, and while evocative to adult viewers to an extent, they are likely to go over kids' heads because they're not grounded in the central narrative.

the writers are eager to borrow concepts from various asian mythologies and schools of thought, but they cherry-pick the parts they think are "cool" or "deep", while ignoring or shouting down ideas that don't neatly line up with what they themselves are already able to relate to (see the whole "opening the chakras"/"letting go of katara" plotline).

they want to portray strong, independent female characters standing up to sexism, but every female character must still on some level aspire to be someone's wife (and the dark-skinned girls are depicted as already fitting the mold perfectly; it seems to be the price they pay to be allowed in the story at all. the writers attempted to branch out a little in the sequel series with korra, but immediately felt so uncomfortable they felt the need to put the character through an insanely traumatic plotline as punishment for creative choices they made!).

there are many more of these, but you get the pattern. it's what happens when creatives like the idea of doing something meaningful, but ultimately can't bring themselves to leave their own comfort zones.

I'd honestly be interested in reading fanfiction of ATLA by writers who have a better understanding of the themes it's trying to depict, because there are a lot of interesting pieces on the board and I would love to see them moved around by players who aren't fucking stupid and actually know what the hell they're talking about

[jurygarroth]

anyone else here believe in a mother-daughter reading of irene and aphmau’s relationship. i think we can get twisted with it

[psy-ay-ay]

I'm so glad I got to see Akito in Fruits Basket Another so here's what her son Shiki thinks about her:

[jacksprostate]

Bob in female fight club au. Thoughts

Probably named Marge

Rather than doing a direct inversion (ie making the character the exact opposite, much tits -> no tits, etc) I think sort of an analogue would work better riffing off the motherly role Bob has, in combination with the group being for uterine cancer/ovarian cancer

The women come together, and they cry, cry, cry, over lost husbands, who left them because they got cancer, because overwhelmingly, men leave if their wife gets cancer, over lost relationships with children, who stayed but resent them, over lost Motherhood, that thing you were told was your worth but now you are told you're shit. Remaining Women Together. Despite. Despite despite despite.

What is it, about purposes. Want to see misery, see women fed their own physical oppression as lost salvation.

Marge, whatever her name is, her husband divorced her, left her with the kids and medical bills stacked as high as she is tall. She is thankful she still has her kids, it makes her feel like she's still worth something. She's had to try and get back into the workforce. No one wants to hire dear former stay at home mother Marge. She shows you her kids in her wallet in her purse and there are no pictures of her. There's a picture of her old husband, which she keeps to show her kids if they ask. They're old enough to go to school now, which is good, because it gives her more time to work. Life is hard, but she's doing her best.

Marge, who is on hormone therapy so she doesn't get those "side effects" she's heard about from other total hysterectomy patients, the future of early dementia and degeneration and horror. Who does pelvic floor exercises in hopes it will minimise the fallout of the surgery. Who carefully rips every hair out of her upper lip and chin because even if it would be normal for a woman, a woman whose gone through menopause, a woman at all — she knows, it's probably the estrogen tipping back over into testosterone, and she can't handle any more losses. She compensates. They all do.

The support group is her Me Time. It is the single hour plus half hour commute she can afford once a week for herself. So she gets here, and she cries, cries, cries, and the others cry with her, all over how their lives have fallen apart since they got ovarian cancer, got breast cancer, and their lives derailed because they can't be proper women anymore.

They cry in their waterproof makeup. Another product to promise womanhood. Identify yourself via consumption. Identify yourself by covering yourself up.

And when she finds fight club. When she finds something that says, jesus fuck. You are more than your children. You are more than your ability to have kids. You aren't a failed woman, that's a sack of shit you've been sold wholesale. When she finds something that promises her she will grow, achieve personhood, not because she was the ultimate martyr mother, not because she played the game of human or woman, but because it promises a freedom from all that, identification and repulsion of such sickening chains. When she stops worrying about her slightly deepened voice, and works to keep her dose even keel for her health, to avoid the toxic highs of accidentally juicing, rather than the lesser effects of a black lip hair or two. When she has a photo, not of herself in her wallet, but of the things she makes with other women from fight club, of the one view of the sunset from that one parking lot that she always thought was wonderful, when she has things in her wallet for her and her enjoyment. When she has corded muscle and a built up spine, when she sits her kids down and explains why they only see dad one weekend every other month, all the fun holidays, because dad decided staying with her through cancer was too hard even when she stayed with him through four lost jobs pissed away in alcohol and lottery tickets.

And Marge, who gets shot by the police on a regulation chill-and-drill assignment for Project Mayhem. Whose obituary in the newspaper talks about the children she left behind, how she battled cancer and kept caring for them, how she was such a strong mother, whose kids would now be shipped off to their grieving father who is so, so brave and stunning for standing up and taking care of the kids he made and dropped as soon as his live-in servant had a few issues. Her name is Marge Paulson, and she was forty-eight years old. She was a person. She will be remembered in the annals of Project Mayhem, lest what little there was of her be stolen from the world. She was killed by Project Mayhem, but they're the only ones who will remember Marge Paulson.

[sincerelyourswhistledown]

Quietly coming back to add to the silver haired-lilac eyed-Lucerys agenda.

Aemond and Lucerys are married off to each other to mend the family’s relationships. Both enter the marriage absolutely despising their situation, Aemond more so than Lucerys. (Because let’s be real, this was the same boy who maimed him) But right after the birth of their first child, the two manage to fall in love with each other. Aemond becomes extremely putty to those dark curls and soulful brown eyes. Now the most hilarious part of this is after every birth of their child, a portion of Lucerys’ hair turns silver and his eyes become lighter. By the birth of their sixth child, Lucerys’ hair is more silver than brown and his eyes are nearly the same shade as his mother’s. If you ask anyone, he looks like a carbon copy of the Queen Rhaenyra.

Everyone would have thought Aemond would be pleased, seeing as Lucerys was finally starting to look like an “actual” Targaryen but to their surprise his reaction is the exact opposite.

Cue Aemond running around in panic and threatening the maesters to treat his poor husband because his precious dark brown curls are losing their colour and so help him, he will burn Westeros to the ground if he can no longer gaze upon those big brown eyes of his.

[mrbluesummers]

Any time I post content relating to baby Knives and his corruption, there's inevitably people who make a comment about how the difference between Vash and Knives is that Knives didn't get a moment with Rem like Vash did, but Knives didn't need one. He knew she loved them already. That's why he never lashed out at her.

Knives is open and honest with Rem until the end. He doesn't pretend like he isn't hurt. When she addresses how he's "forcing [himself] to carry it all alone" he's completely honest with her:

Rem: Are… you… trying to bear this all by yourself? Tesla's story must have been a shock to you. I'm sorry, but I just feel like… you're forcing yourself to carry this alone, shutting everything away inside. Knives: Yeah. I am. It was a shock. It really was, but… we have to go on. That's what you said, right? There's so much we have to do… to make sure it never happens again.

While he doesn't straight up just say "hey I'm going to kill all humans", he is otherwise open with her that he's decided to carry the weight of protecting them from humans. Maybe if Rem was better equipped to handle a traumatized child, she would have been able to better address Knives' trauma, but the issue was never her or her love.

You can see it in the way he still cries and finds comfort in her embrace, and thanks her, and the montage of them living happily together. Knives never withdrew from Rem like Vash initially did. He was purely afraid of other humans and what they might do to his family, Rem included. All of his hate for her came after the Fall.

[etheral-moon]

──★Say hi to my momma★──

[funnnybunny]

I have to make a file on a subject of my choice for my baccalaureate (I'm french studying in france) and I was thinking on doing it on the mother figure and how it influences the construction and evolution of our identity, but I don't see how I could explain that to my mother... She would take it soo bad.