#mst3k fan fic

[crowtrobotx]

11 and 16!

11. Most unique merch you have for a fandom

Would a depressed person have THIS BAG???? In all seriousness, I obviously have the most Karl merch... stickers, 3 stuffed versions of him (2 official, one crocheted,) a pillow that says "TRASH MAN," a blanket of his big stupid face, a tiny body pillow where he's in thigh high stockings on the back I suppose though that the truly most unique pieces of "merch" I have are the functioning replicas of Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo I use for my MST3K cosplay. :) They always get a ton of attention and they deserve it! 12. Fandom you'll probably end up joining This is so weirdly hard because I have no real desire to join any other fandoms right now lol. You will absolutely be justified in saying this is an insane comment but I'd feel like I was betraying my stinky dollar bin magneto husband lmao it's why I put him in all these different AUs. I guess I'm adjacent to BG3 but I just enjoy the game, I'm not really into actively involving myself with fan activities at the moment. I am trying to think of movies/shows/games etc. that are coming out in the relatively near future and I suppose I could see myself maybe getting into Nightingale, that Victorian-looking survival game? But again, that's probably because I can easily insert my beloved OC's/Karl into stuff like that. I definitely consume other media, don't get me wrong, but as far as what may seize me and compel me to write fic etc. down the road? Very hard to predict!

[kiwiana-writes]

Hi MJ...I have a question and I don't know your protocol so I'll ask it here instead of DMing you. How scary is your Santa Clarita Diet AU?

I have a very weird gauge of horror that's connected to trauma that I won't infodump on you in your ask box. ]

For reference, I have not seen Santa Clarita but loved I Zombie.

Oh my gosh you're so welcome to ask this publicly or privately!

So, the best way I can describe the tone of this fic is "black comedy". The people-eating of it all is off-screen, but referenced: there's talk of Alex being covered in blood, and the upcoming part three has Alex joking quite a bit about the practical realities of killing and eating people. But the whole thing is treated pretty unseriously overall -- I said in the notes of part two that the MST3K mantra is in full effect here, and I described it to a couple of friends as "Extended moral quandaries are OUT, horny zombie sex is IN". Both Alex and Henry roll with Alex's zombieism to an absurd degree.

Personally I think the hardest-to-read part of it is the depiction of vomiting in part one; if you want to skip that and just have a general sense that Alex Throws Up, Like, A Lot, it's the section that starts with "It comes back up with a vengeance around 2am" and goes through to the next horizontal rule section break.

But I am also admittedly a horror fan so anyone who's read it is MORE than welcome to slide into the replies and correct me if you think I'm misrepresenting anything?

[lifeaftermeteor]

The Fandom Binder

For those of you among the 'fandom olds,’ you may recall a time where we actually printed copies of art and fic we enjoyed - many of us being unable to create websites or save too many files to our computers at the time...long before the likes of Google Drive and AO3.  This was back when fandom was nurtured by individually maintained series, ship, and/or character shrines connected by webrings like Anime Turnpike.  

Some of us printed these fandom treasures and organized them in binders, now presumed lost to time and the trash heap years ago.

Well...rummaging around in my parents’ storage space, guess what I found.  My fandom binder!

Apparently I had a thing for collages - I actually covered my half of my freshman dorm room in a much larger version of the above. 

So come with me as we wade through my teenage fandom days...

The inside cover is a treat, with a quote meant to be terrifying and empowering (?) alongside a snarky comic about Gackt’s dick.

The first folder included only a TIME article on phobias, a few damning pages of notes from my high school calculus class on which I scribbled all my pent-up teenage angst and anger, and a printed out email flame (no joke) to someone who apparently my friends and I were having it out with.  

We’ll skip those and jump into the actual fandom content.

First out of the gate is Digimon Adventure, which had grabbed me in 1999-2000 via the Fox Kids channel programming.  We have here some print-outs of MST3K-ified (or “MSTied”) Digimon fic, most of which involved the Digi Destined serving in the roles of Mike/Joel and the bots.  Such fics were initially permitted on Fanfiction.Net before they were purged alongside other content guideline updates between 2000-2005, since they were both (a) reposting someone else’s work and (b) script format.  

This is followed by fanart printouts (Yamato was my clear favorite, second only to the amount of Taito I printed).  And a saved note to a friend printed in computer class that extolled the fact that Odaiba is REAL. 

I have no words. I can only assume that my little brain was just so used to stories in made up locations that the thought that the series would involve a real city just was too much for my little fangirl brain to handle.

Moving right along...

This note is followed by printouts of various fanart, predominantly of Yamato and the Taito ship.  This is in turn followed by extensive planning, character costume designs, and inspiration art printed off of Elfwood (c.2001-2002) for the fantasy AU / isekai fic, The Realms (which, yes you can still apparently find the first two chapters of via FF.net).

After that, we also have a printed, separately bound copy of my first ‘official’ (i.e., posted) multi-chapter fanfiction, An Unexpected Death, which took about 1.5 years to write and upload...and is also still on FF.net

Moving past Digimon, we land in Gundam Wing territory.  Like the previous section, we kick off with printouts of fics, art, and other fun things.

I apparently kept some notes passed between my friend and I.  As was typical of the day, fans all interacted with the characters as if inhabiting the same universe.  Emojis made regular appearances in our script-format notes (I also apparently shared half-formed plotbunnies via scripts).

We also had grand plans of co-authoring a “the GBoys are undercover at our high school” story, which was also common at the time among fellow fans.  Here is the rough idea of the school schedule: 

I also found some casting for a Matrix AU...

...and the makings of a roadtrip series of quintessential “American” locations: 

We wrap it all up with some truly phenomenal crackfic by Celes Maxwell: 

Closing out the remainder of the binder is some JRock fanservice, an autograph from Gillian Anderson (c.1998), and a random table of contents that only had empty pages or nothing behind them.  Presumably all these sections had more content, but I can say without a doubt they are GONE at this point. 

.

.

.

So yeah, that’s my fandom binder, put to good use between 1998-2004.  Show me yours!

[monkeypretzel]

“Hey, glad you made it home for dinner,” Joel said, turning to face Mike. He leaned in to plant a kiss on Mike’s cheek but stopped when he caught a glimpse of his sour expression. “How’d your checkup go?” he asked.

“Not well.” Mike sat down at the table and buried his head in his arms. Joel quickly turned the flame under the stir-fry off and sat next to Mike.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

“I have to go on a diet!” Mike practically sobbed the words into his arms.

“A diet?” Joel asked. “I didn’t notice you gaining any weight,” he continued as he rubbed Mike’s back lightly.

“Not that kind of diet. I have high cholesterol. Like, super high. So I have to go on a diet.” Mike raised his head and waved around the papers in his left hand. “She wants me to follow this meal plan for the next three months, then come back and see if my numbers improve before we try medication.”

“That sounds reasonable.”

“It’s not!” Mike cried. “Listen to this: no butter, only non-fat dairy, no fried foods, cut way back on doughnuts and pastries, cut the salt, cut the sugar - “

“Honey, we can work with this,” Joel soothed. “I should eat more healthy, too.”

“And the meat...the meat...” Again Mike buried his head, this time in his hands.

“The meat?”

“The meat. She wants me to limit red meat to once or twice a week, only low-fat cuts. Fish twice a week, chicken the rest of the time. Worst of all no processed meat!”

“Processed meat?”

“No sausage. No beef jerky. And no -” Mike’s face turned white. “No bacon.”

Joel sat back in his chair and let out a low whistle. “No bacon?” he asked tentatively.

“No bacon. Joel, I can’t give up bacon. No. I just can’t.” Mike crumpled the papers in his hand. “I can’t.”

“Yes you can, honey. We’ll do it together.” Joel gulped. Well, he’d try to do it for Mike’s sake, anyway.

“You don’t understand! I can’t! I won’t! I’m not giving up bacon because BACON UNDERSTANDS ME!!!”

[damejudyhench]

Fanfiction greatness

If you read or write fanfic, please reblog this and comment with your favourite brilliant, bonkers or bizarre moment from fics you have read.

Mine is a tie between the Half-Life fic written as an epistolary novel from the pov of a headcrab who has sworn to kill Gordon Freeman. Freeman killed the headcrabs mother, and is also a brony. At one point the headcrab finds his clopping fic.

Or the MST3K slash fic where Joel describes Mike as “a naive, cornfed, Midwestern blonde.”

[music-for-them-asses]

I’m watching MST3K for the first time in a million years on my new Roku!! I’m not used to seeing the details because I’m used to watching it on Youtube.... :’D I love this show so much omfg

[redsofadread]

GUESS WHO'S BACK. AND DRAWING FAN FIC PICTURES

[postplus-protest]

Oh my god you're an ELDER elder. I bow to you as a former preteen who migrated from Facebook as the last whispers of Superwholock's tyranny echoed off the walls of these caverns and The Big Four was in full swing.

[Image description : a gif of an elderly person in a colorful dress who is sitting in a metal lawn chair in front of a white brick wall while raising a can in a saluting gesture. /end image description]

I started off in the wilderness of geocities and personal websites where the fan fiction was hidden behind passwords or a complex game of word hide and seek. Fanfiction.net slowly took over. I was fluent in lemon, lime, mst3k, waff, don’t like/don’t read, and “no flames plz”. I still even remember the numbering system for Gundam Wing fic.

Then I moved to message boards. When those died out, I discovered livejournal where I happily stayed for a long time (I even think my old personal lj account still has a Katee Sackhoff Starbuck icon)

Then the Strikethrough happened.

I’ve been here ever since, for better or worse. Occasion interludes were had on Twitter but that always ended terribly.

One of the most surreal moments of my life was in 2014, at work on my lunch break, listening to my co-workers talk about their Avengers RP tumblr thinking I had no clue what they were talking about. Then I mentioned the skeleton wars and things got even weirder.

[ouidamforeman]

☀️ I wanted to make a little tag directory for my blog to make it easier to find things now that I’m more organized. This is mostly for me but you can use it too. Links to my shop, Ko-fi, Ao3, art, and other blogs are here as well! ⤵️

My Stuff:

My inprnt

my art blog ☀️ my art tag ☀️ my ko-fi ☀️ my Ao3 ☀️ my aesthetic/inspiration/positivity blog ☀️

Good Omens:

art  ☀️  fic ☀️ meta ☀️ book omens ☀️ radio omens ☀️ musical omens ☀️

Star Trek:

non-ds9 star trek ☀️ ds9 ☀️ art ☀️ fic ☀️

Gallifrey Audios:

art ☀️ fic ☀️ (meta in the general dw meta tag)

Doctor Who:

art ☀️ fic ☀️ meta ☀️ lore ☀️ edas ☀️ vnas ☀️ books ☀️ audios ☀️ comics ☀️ general gallifreyan stuff ☀️  bernice summerfield ☀️ faction paradox ☀️ general eighth doctor stuff ☀️ cast stuff ☀️ extra stuff/links to content ☀️

Other Stuff/Reference Material/Other fandoms I post about enough to have tags for:

art reference ☀️ cultural stuff ☀️ fan culture ☀️ linguistics ☀️ religion/ex-Christian stuff ☀️ history ☀️ general reference and important stuff ☀️ jesus christ superstar ☀️ mst3k ☀️ steven universe ☀️ over the garden wall ☀️ animation ☀️

[tonightatsix]

mst3k for the fandom asks!! or whoever your fav character is for the character ask :0

thanks danny lol

I’ll do both!

Favorite character: I feel like it’s kind of obvious lol (jonah heston)

Least favorite character: I don’t really have a least favorite…max crushing and flirting on kinga is gross but he’s really charming and it seems like he’s stopped doing that…kinga I thought for a long time was really annoying but then she really grew on me and season 13 toned her down and I think she’s fun now…pearl has committed many atrocities and is genuinely abusive but she is a great villain and it seems like she’s been toned down this season too..

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon, listed from liked to most favorite):

jomax (jonah heston + max)

joike (joel robinson + mike nelson)

dr. forrester + tv’s frank (I don’t think there’s a ship name for this one lol)

megemily (mega-synthia + emily connor)

joelnah!!! (joel robinson + jonah heston)

Character I find most attractive: I don’t think this is a surprise lol…it’s jonah heston again, I also like joel…mega-synthia, emily, and synthia are pretty too!

Character I would marry: I guess jonah heston again!

Character I would be best friends with: I’d be best friends with like half of the cast honestly lol (but if we’re listing particulars, synthia, emily, joel, jonah heston AGAIN again again lol sorry and I’d also think maybe donna! she seems like she’d be a cool friend)

A random thought: I’m so glad that season 13 fixed the flaws that the last two seasons had…this one has its own flaws but they’re minor I think. plus it’s only been one episode

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know how unpopular this is but I hate kinga/jonah and kinga/max. I know a lot of fic was written for them back in the day but both ships just seem super toxic and incompatible

My canon OTP: I don’t I have one sorry

My non-canon OTP: I feel like I mention them way too much so here it is in picture form

Most badass character: emily has badass energy!

Most epic villain: it’s mst3k are there really any epic villains. dr. forrester I guess lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: again kinga/jonah and max/kinga. also crow/tom? i feel like they’re more brothers even though they did have that almost wedding

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): RETURN/GAUNTLET CROW AND TOM WERE SO MEAN. crow was the more vocal of the two but tom could be vicious sometimes too

Favorite friendship: joel, jonah, and emily would make the best friend group! I can’t want to see them all on screen together

Character I most identify with: …jonah heston

Character I wish I could be: emily, synthia, and…jonah heston again lolll

ok time to do the character asks! I’ll do both heston and emily for answer variety

How I feel about this character: I love them both dearly! heston is just such a great kind guy and emily is such a cool girl!

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: for jonah it’s joel and max and for emily it’s only mega-synthia

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: like I said above I think heston and emily would make amazing friends! heston and matt claude van damme also seems like good friendship potential in only my head lol

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don’t think I have any unpopular opinions about these two so I’ll give headcanons: heston was a band kid and is great at rhythm games and emily used to be obsessed with horses when she was young

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: GIVE JONAH HESTON LOVE. PLEASE THIS GUY IS SAD AND MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANXIETY. also please give emily a proper introduction for those of us who didn’t see the live shows

Favorite friendship for this character: both of them would make great friends (I’ve probably said this like three times) joel in the friend group makes it better!

My crossover ship: I don’t have any

[crowtrobotx]

What up! My name’s Crow, a 33 year old chronically ill bisexual woman+. Use whatever pronouns and gender terms are funniest in the moment. I’m used to she/her and generally just refer to myself as such but go crazy.

I like video games, fiber arts, drawing, writing (fiction & poetry), cryptids, and (regrettably) American college football. Offline, I work full time managing an art school/charity, so I’m generally interested in anything related to the joy of creation and expression.

I can’t stop anyone from following me but minors should know this is a very sex positive blog and I post a lot of horny shit. TERFs and radfems can get fucked. Any kind of bigotry is going to get you blocked - I am old and tired.

My crochet pieces are tagged with #my crochet nonsense or more recently #crowchet

🦋🦋🦋🦋

Fandom FYIs: I don’t know what a pro ship or anti is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. I do not care about discourse and drama (beyond watching from afar like a shady bitch) and am generally of the opinion that you gotta just let people vibe and block liberally. I am a massive OC x canon fan. This includes second person reader fics. I tend to avoid canon x canon like the plague due to truly deranged behavior I’ve been on the receiving end of over the years, and I’m over it. That doesn’t mean I hate you and your ship, it means I’m giving you the thumbs up from across the room while asking that you respect my non-participation!

Here you will mostly find video game content (particularly RE8, RDR 1/2, and Mass Effect) and the occasional unhinged ramblings related to Black Sails, LotR, and (of course) MST3K.

🦋🦋🦋🦋

My current fanfic: Chrysalis (Resident Evil Village, Karl Heisenberg x Original Character and Heisendad!) This is all about our favorite trashy old man being a Papa to a feral gremlin child while being angst-ridden over his not quite dead girlfriend, what more could you want?

**Updated 09/19/24!**

Check Engine (Resident Evil Village, Karl Heisenberg x GN!Reader, Mechanic AU) Cute little fluffy small town moments sprinkled with shameless, raunchy smut.

**FINISHED! 11/30/2023**

-> Fan Art of Chrysalis/Karl & Lottie that I carry around in my wallet every day and show off like a proud dad.

-> Commissioned work of Kris n Karl that waters my crops and clears my skin

-> Commissioned ~suggestive~ Kris n Karl art that makes me feral like a gas station raccoon

-> Disgustingly cute Lottie art that I am pinning to the fridge and then possibly eating

-> Fucking adorable and hilarious fan art of Lottie & Kris being BFFs with my beloved Hazel & Toast!! And Karl is there too.

-> Beautiful Lottie fan art COMPLETE WITH RAT SOLDAT!

-> Fan art of Karl bein’ a cute dilf while grocery shopping from Check Engine!

-> VârcoKris fan art for when you are in the mood for beautiful werewolf time (which should be always)

Enjoy your stay 💖💜💙

[vulgarweed]

Thank You Good Omens

This post is going to be stupid long, because I’ve actually managed to fall in love with Good Omens three different times in my life!

In May of 1990, I was a college student in a hippie town in Ohio that had a great comics/SF book shop (STILL THERE), and because staff knew I loved Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series, made sure to point out to me that Gaiman had just co-written a novel and I might like it. I bought it. I did like it, very much.

Despite spending a lot of time on co-op in NYC and seeing Sonic Youth live as often as possible and going hard for the sex & drugs thing, I had just fallen off the turnip truck from a tiny Appalachian town of <300 people with a HEAVY emphasis on hellfire-and-brimstone religion. It permeated everything, including school (Yes, public school. Didn’t matter)

A lot of people don’t know this about me, but I had a fervent Christian phase when I was in my tweens. Despite my parents being non-churchgoers, I did go to church. (They’d drop me off and pick me up). Peer pressure was so strong, it was impossible not to. Being thought of an atheist or Satanist would lead to shit, the beating out of.

And at a revival, I GOT IT. Slain in the spirit, speaking in tongues, the whole bit. I was ALL IN. I hectored my parents and cried because I didn’t want them to go to Hell. And yet, it went away just as fast. I am a spiritual person, don’t expect that will ever change, but I had this super intense faith for a while, and then I lost it.

So when I read Good Omens for the first time, I felt weirdly healed. The mockery of that sort of end-times theology, that also had a sort of gentle humanist kindness at its heart, with its failboat antihero demon and angel protagonists and an Antichrist who really just wanted to hang with his friends and saw taking over the world as a responsibility he didn’t want rather than something desirable…

It got to me. Right in the feels. The fact that it’s a comedy is KEY to its effectiveness - laughter is powerful healing magic, and GO turned the light of satire right onto some of my deepest and most secret fears.

That’s also about the time I found my real path. May 1 (Beltane) 1990 is ALSO the 30th anniversary of my Wiccan coven initiation. (And I’ll be in a Discord chat with my old coven tonight, we have all stayed fairly close) My practice has varied a lot since in the details, but not in the faith core.

That’s round ONE of my Good Omens love. Round TWO was in 2004. I was heartsick and gutted by W’s re-election even though I saw it coming. Honestly I think seeing the Religious Right still hold so much power was a literal trigger, I see that in hindsight now. (The projectile vomiting was a clue)

I decided to cope by attempting to read the Left Behind series, in an “understanding how the enemy thinks” way. Although of course I already knew that all too well. I was reading Fred Clark/Slacktivist’s brilliant page by page takedown, and then I remembered my old friends from that book I loved in college!

Surely I could handle Left Behind if I had Aziraphale and Crowley and Adam and Anathema and the rest mentally sitting next to me and helping to MST3K it! I made it through a book and a half of LB, but the GO reread was worth the price.

I was into fanfic by then, so I realized….”Ah, I bet there is fic. I bet people ship Aziraphale and Crowley.” I was not disappointed. The lower-tadfield comm on LJ at its peak had more than 1000 members, and there were DeviantArt groups and mailing lists and a fair amount on fanfiction.net. So I went ALL IN and I got very productive.

I co-founded the GO Holiday Exchange in 2005 (which I still co-mod, and it’s the longest running job I’ve ever had). I met so many friends there - special shoutout to Merlin/Quantum Witch, my dear friend and collaborator, whose illustrations brought my words to life. I was ecstatic to find that she lives within 2 hours of me, and over the last 15 years we’ve visited each other a lot. We got to meet Neil Gaiman together.

My third burst of GO love came with the show, of course. I went to visit Merlin and we watched it together, and squealed. Particularly through the first half-hour of Episode Three of course. GO fandom has produced a LOT of historical fic for obvious reasons, and it looked like a highlights reel.

Also, there used to be wank in the fandom about how Crowley’s name is pronounced. WE WERE VINDICATED. (Certainly he was named after the real sinister historical A. Crowley, right? Who once wrote a doggerel verse mentioning his name rhymes with “holy.”)

There are things that as a longtime book fan, I don’t like or am ambivalent about in the show, but I think the heart of it was captured so very well. Since the first read 30 years ago, I’ve also read almost all of Pratchett’s Discworld, and his style of discoursing through humor just sits right on my brain.

(Pratchett got me through 2007-2008, when I lost a home, a longterm relationship, and a dream job just a few months apart. Bless you Pterry, you are missed.)

So Thank you Good Omens! You’ve brought me laughter, comfort, creativity, friendship, and a permanent influence on my worldview and spirituality. You’ve created the space for a fandom that tackles deep questions about theology and morality, often in the same work with slapstick comedy and smut.

[horselover107]

4, 5, 14

What fandom’s/ship’s fan fiction do you read the most?

Fandom Torchwood, 10th Doctor era Who, Tiger and Bunny, and Spider-Man/616 Comics verse. Janto, Peter/Mary Jane, Kotetsu/Baranaby (all of which are the canon ships in, or the case of Tiger and Bunny the non-canon but obvious one). I’m pretty basic, I guess lol. I also read a lot of MST3K fic although the archive has slowed down a lot there.

5. What’s a crackship you love?

Jack/The Doctor’s Hand has been my favorite joke since forever.

14. (For authors) Post a line of dialogue from one of your WIPs without context.

(This more than one line, but I liked this string dialogue)

“That’s a torture chamber,” said Ianto.

“Either that or someone is having a lot of fun playing out their BDSM fantasies,” said Jack.

“Hmmmm too much spectacle,” said Ianto. “You could accomplish just as much with some rope and a good imagination.”

“Annddd that’s officially too much information,” said Gwen.

“Do you think our Phantom of the Millennium Centre has brought people down here?” asked Ianto, pointedly ignoring her discomfort at his last statement (Gwen was far too easy to tease sometimes).

[monkeypretzel]

Back to School with Tom and Crow

A short little romp through the joys of back-to-school shopping with the ‘bots. Much credit to @fontonascreen, who helped me flesh out my idea and provided three of the funniest bits of dialogue.

“I dunno,” Mike said, squinting down at the sheet in his hand, “I don’t remember needing all this stuff back when we went to school.”

“Back when we went to school, people still believed that education was important,” Joel answered, a little sharply. “The schools actually had money to provide supplies.” Joel was always a little touchy about educational criticisms, as his parents had been teachers before their retirement, Mike recalled.

“Are you two done? I wanna go pick out my backpack! All the good ones will be gone by the time we get there!” Crow whined and tugged at Mike’s arm.

“There’s a whole aisle full of backpacks. They’re not going anywhere, honey.” Mike kept Crow’s claw in a firm grip. No one was going to get lost this Target trip. “Why do they need crayons and markers and colored pencils? And why do the colored pencils specifically have to be Crayola?”

“The influence of Big Crayon has corrupted us all,” Joel remarked dryly. “Do you want a repeat of last year? Just get the stuff on the list.”

“It’s hardly my fault I was being a smart consumer and going with the least expensive option.”

Tom piped up from his seat in the shopping cart. “Have you ever tried coloring with generic dollar store crayons, Mike? It’s like using candles. Picasso didn’t use Cra-Z-Art for his masterpieces. How do you expect my creativity to blossom if you cheap out all the time?!?”

Mike stared at Tom, eyebrow raised. “If someone doesn’t behave himself, everyone is going to lose their McDonald's trip later.” The little red robot stared defiantly back for a moment, then sighed and sank back into his seat. Crow tugged at Mike’s arm again. “That goes for you, too, Crow.”

“But Daaaaaad -”

Mike snorted. “You only play the Dad Card when you know I’m right.”

“Let’s split up,” Joel suggested, grabbing another cart. “You and Tom get the school supplies, and I’ll take Crow to get his backpack.”

“Nuh-uh,” interrupted Crow. “I wanna go with Mike.” The man in question looked down at Crow. He’d been awfully clingy lately, choosing Mike over Joel in almost every situation. Mike filed that away to think about later.

“Fine,” Joel answered, his patience already fraying before they even got started. “Do you want to ride in the cart, Crow?”

“Only babies ride in the cart!”

“Hey!” Tom protested.

“Well it’s true!”

“McDonald's, guys?” Mike reminded the pair. They shut up immediately. “Tom, same black messenger bag like last year?” he asked.

Tom nodded. “It’s much more grown up than some baby backpack!”

“Hey!” It was Crow’s turn to protest.

“Enough. We’ll meet up in front of the cleaning supplies. Give me the list,” Joel said, plucking it out of Mike’s hand. “How you always end up with the easy job, I don’t know,” grumbled Joel, adjusting his glasses and giving the paper the once-over. Mike glanced down at Crow, once again straining with impatience.

One hour later…

“OK, you’ve got your Beauty and the Beast notebook – do you want a Toy Story one too? You need two different ones.”

“That’s for babies,” said Tom disdainfully. “How about X-Men?”

Joel scanned the shelves. “Sorry, buddy, seems like you’re outta luck on that. Harry Potter?”

“No. Unless it’s got the guy turning to ash on it! That’d be cool!”

“I think not. Monsters Inc.?

Tom tilted, considering. “Any with just Sully?”

Digging through the disorganized mess on the shelf in front of him, Joel located one and held it up for Tom. “This good?”

“It’ll do. I still want -” Over Joel’s shoulder Tom spied the Trapper Keepers. “Joel! Joel! Joel! I want the Trapper Keeper with the unicorn on it, right over there!”

“You know the school says no Trapper Keepers, Tom. Plain, solid color, one-inch three ring binder, that’s all.” Joel had memorized the list in the first fifteen minutes of arguing with Tom.

“But I want a unicorn! I want a rainbow unicorn, and that Trapper Keeper is the only one left! Please? Please? I’ll keep it at home for homework!”

Joel looked up at the ceiling and counted to ten while Tom begged. Taking a deep breath he pushed the cart past temptation and stopped in front of the folders.

“Here’s a Star Wars folder. Do you want a Star Wars folder?” Joel asked as he held one out.

“Not THAT one. Do you want me to be depressed every time I look at it?”

Joel glanced down at Hayden Christensen’s image. “Good point.” He tossed it back on the pile, then spied a burst of color on the next shelf up.

“You wanted a rainbow unicorn.” Joel grabbed a handful of folders and threw them in the cart. "Here's a pile of Lisa Frank folders. Go nuts."

Two hours later...

Mike sagged over the shopping cart and glanced at his watch for the hundredth time. “C’mon, Crow, just pick one already! Joel’s gonna kill me for letting you take this long.”

“I’m almost done! It’s a choice between this one,” Crow hefted a backpack with a picture of Spider Man shooting a web in his right claw, “and this one,” nodding at the pack in his left claw that featured a puffy, 3-D close-up design of Spider-Man’s suit.

Exaggeratedly Mike slowly turned to look up the aisle, then down, at the wall of backpacks in front of the two. "Why does it take you two hours to pick out a backpack if you just end up getting a Spider-Man one again?"

"I might want a different one! You don't know!" Crow snapped.

“Well, I do know now, because you’ve got two Spider-Man backpacks in your hands.”

“Which one do you like better?”

“I don-” Mike caught himself. He’d get out of here faster if he expressed an opinion. “The one with the picture.”

“I don’t know,” said Crow, “I kinda like the other one better.”

“Then pick the other one, and let’s go!”

“It’s not that easy! I have to live with this for a whole year! My reputation is on the line!”

“What reputation?”

“I happen to be the foremost Spider-Man expert in school! At least in my grade. Or my class. Anyway, it’s a heavy responsibility I carry,” Crow explained.

Mike dropped his head even lower over the cart. He took a deep breath, willed away the throbbing at his temples, straightened, and tried again.

"Crow, I thought you wanted something different this year? We could just use last year's backpack again if you're just going to get another Spider-Man."

"You can't use the same backpack two years in row! Geeze, no wonder no one liked you in school, Nelson!"

“I didn’t have a backpack. We didn’t use those yet,” Mike explained.

“So what did you carry your stone tablets around in?”

Mike’s eyes narrowed. “McDonald’s,” he reminded the gold bot.

Crow looked down. “Sorry,” he mumbled. Mike was touched. Crow did seem sorry – he hadn’t talked back.

“It’s OK, buddy,” Mike laid his hand on Crow’s shoulder. “You really gotta pick a backpack, though. So which one?”

“You really like the picture best?”

“Yeah, I do,” Mike answered warmly.

“Then I’m getting the other one!” Crow tried to toss it in the cart, but missed and hit Mike in the arm instead.

Mike picked the backpack up off the tiled floor, placed it in the cart alongside Tom’s messenger bag, and grabbed Crow’s claw before he could scamper off. “Next stop Pharmacy Department!”

“But we’re supposed to meet Joel over by the Kleenex!”

“There’s no way I’m going to make it through a trip to McDonald’s without a supersize bottle of aspirin. Or ibuprofen. Or both.”

[unfolded73]

A comment on another post by a recent Schitt’s Creek mutual got me thinking about fandom lineage. For any recent followers, or for any followers who are like, why was I following this person again?, here’s mine:

Pre-internet (or pre-me realizing fandoms existed on the internet): In the 1980s, Santa Barbara, Ghostbusters, Moonlighting, and a very short-lived show starring Parker Stevenson called Probe (which in retrospect was a Doctor x companion-style 2-hander and also omg in googling to try to remember what the hell this show was called I realized that all of it is on youtube. fuck me, it’s not gonna hold up at all, is it?) In the 1990s, Star Trek:TNG (yes, I am *very* excited about Picard, thanks for asking), The Simpsons, MST3K, Babylon 5, and Farscape. Farscape might have been the first show where I started to realize internet fandom existed. I remember downloading fan-videos and maybe reading some John x Aeryn fic. (Man, I need to rewatch Farscape*.)

2001-2003: Buffy x Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My first foray into fic writing, but please don’t go looking for it. It’s bad. Mainly I watched fandom drama and ship wars (hey, I shipped Buffy and Angel too in their time - it’s all good) playing out in yahoo groups, so it was also my first exposure to how toxic fandom can be. Also fell down an Angel x Spike and Buffy x Faith rabbit hole on occasion, back when it seemed ooh, so subversive. 

2007-2011: Ten x Rose and Ten2 x Rose, Doctor Who. Livejournal was my haunt in those days. Made leaps and bounds of improvement as a writer in this fandom, and made some long-lasting friendships. I also played around in the shallow end of the multishipping pool, and I read and wrote a bit of Ten x Jack, Jack x Ianto, Ten x Master, Ten x Queen Elizabeth (before the 50th anniversary special, yuck), Ten x Rose x Jack, and of course the thing that I and my coauthor are moderately famous for, Ten x Ten2 x Rose. Tried to hang on into the Moffat era but eventually bailed from both fandom and the show. Loving Jodie Whittaker though! Even wrote one gen fic about her and Graham last year!

2013: Pepperony, Iron Man/Avengers. This hardly warrants a mention, but I did read fic around the time of Iron Man 3, and I only mention it because I was inspired to write grief-fic for this ship just a few months ago. 

2014-2015: Ben x Leslie, Parks and Recreation. I debated about putting this on the list, because I never wrote any fic or participated in fandom culture other than to read a few fics, mainly by one author who somehow managed to capture the right silly/sexy balance. Mostly I rewatched the show a lot and soaked in that sweet, sweet serotonin. 

2016-2018: Captain Swan, Once Upon a Time. Never have I shipped something so intensely from a show that I didn’t particularly even like most of the time. Also dabbled in Millian, Curious Archer, and Knightrook, which apparently makes me a fake fan in some corners of fandom. *shrug* Didn’t care then and care even less now.

2018: Starmora, Guardians of the Galaxy. Look, I need hours and hours of TV episodes to sustain myself in a fandom, so I only dabbled here when the angst of Infinity War inspired me. But I consider my interest in this temporarily suspended, ready to rise from the ashes when James Gunn finally gets around to making GotG3.

2019: Ashburn, Star Trek: Discovery. I was only starting to really get into this when the show writers seemingly abandoned this ship permanently. I wanted to stick with it, maybe throw canon out the window and live in a fanon world where this ship is still sailing the high (subspace) seas, but I just didn’t have the mental fortitude for that. Which is probably why...

2019-????: David x Patrick, Schitt’s Creek. I started watching this because a couple of mutuals from Captain Swan fandom were posting cute gifs, and I felt like I needed another Parks and Rec-like warm and squishy show to get a serotonin hit from. Boy, did I ever. My descent from “aww, aren’t they cute” to writing fic was 9 days (seriously, I just checked tumblr and my google drive version history to get that number), and I had to drive from Chicago to South Carolina in the middle of that. I fell hard, and I’m pretty sure I’ll be here for a while.

No, it has not escaped my notice that there is a marked uptick in the frequency  here. I think that’s probably tumblr, and the fact that you can see a mutual is into a thing and then follow them down into the same hole. Which is cool, I like that. I also am certainly aware that I’m mainly a het shipper, but that’s because I tend to be rely very heavily on canon. Unless I see it portrayed on-screen, it usually doesn’t occur to me to ship something. What can I say, I fundamentally lack imagination.

* ETA: Ok I just checked the dates and Farscape ran 1999-2003? So I guess it overlapped with Buffy? I don’t remember it that way at all. Huh.

[lesbianhanguangjunji]

i'll do a proper pretty post for this once my laptop will cooperate, but for now i'd just like to announce that chapter one of Hope You Guess My Name is up.

it's finished except for the editing, so i won't be abandoning this one; ratings and warnings will change as the fic progresses because certain warnings would be spoilers.

anyway here's your chance to watch renly become the clueless protagonist in a horror movie.

also if any of you are mst3k fans and recognize the movie this is paying homage to ... please let's talk ...