#musings and ramblings

[demiclar]

Light Projections in the Red War

So I've been doing a bit of a deep-dive into the Red War Campaign for a fic over the last few months (ah how I miss her) and something occurred to me when I considered the Light and the Darkness and how they've both been portrayed and defined in the last few years. Now, D2 the Red War came out in like 2017, so maybe this is a case of a lack of planning and forethought, but if Bungie has shown us anything in the past few years of story content, it's that they really plan ahead, so I don't feel like that's it.

As a part of the initial D2 content, there was a series of missions for players to unlock their extra subclasses, for Warlocks you could do missions for Voidwalker and Stormcaller, for Titans it was Striker and Sunbreaker, for Hunters Gunslinger and Nightstalker (maybe they haven't gotten rid of these, it's been a long time since I've unlocked a subclass). On all of these quests, you'd go through the EDZ and towards the Shard of the Traveler and along the way you'd encounter a set of what Ghost called "Light projections," figures of either Guardians that used (or still do/at the time still did) wield the subclass you're trying to get, or are enemies that were defeated by Guardians that wield the subclass you're getting. They tell stories about themselves, or sometimes others tell you stories about Guardians that used the subclass you're getting, but they each are supposed to have some kind of lesson in them.

What gets me about this, though, is that these projections seem to go against everything we know about Light and Darkness from content like The Witch Queen. The Light is not a physical entity, that's fine, these projections seem to be manifestations of Light, we might be able to hear them, but they don't seem to exist per se or have any tangible mass. But, what's off about them is the fact that they're there at all. The Light, as we know it, makes a point to forget things. When Guardians are revived, they can't remember their past lives, their strength seems to come raw power, and maybe a few guns that get passed down, but nothing like this.

The Darkness, on the other hand, is grounded in memory, and things tangible. In Witch Queen we remade and restored objects using the Darkness, manipulating time itself. In Lightfall, we found the strings that tie the universe together and manipulated those. These projections then, feel a lot like the Darkness from Witch Queen, memories of Guardians past.

One theory could be that all of this takes place in a spot called the Dark Forest, emphasis on Dark. You move through the space, to the shard of the Traveler through a series of Taken portals, which seem to be pretty linked with Hive Darkness. Since the shard of the traveler is calling you to it, a question then arises, is the Shard making the portals appear? Does it have power over this Darkness? If that's the case, then maybe it's using Darkness to manifest these projections, but how does that work, because how can Light control Darkness? Not to mention, these projections, at least visually, seem to be built out of Light, not Darkness, aesthetically linked with all the depictions of Light we've seen at least in this campaign.

So, I don't get it. Maybe because this place is a meeting point of Light and Darkness it's just weird, but I'm having a very hard time making sense of these projections considering the context we've gotten over the past few years. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on it!

[thedvilsinthedetails]

Sometimes growing from an experience is just taking a step back and going "wow, I'm so glad I'm nothing like you" and leaving it in your past. No fuss or allegorical lesson just like acceptance.

[cygwena]

Celebrating the first day of spring with a cold.

Thankfully I am not sick enough that I can't go outside for a little bit though. Just had some spicy marinated cucumbers with wontons and that helped a little.

Everyone I know is also sick, both in America and Finland.

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Some musings of mine and a head's up:

I think I'm gonna try my hand at more reader insert stuff and some second person POV in the character's perspective. I won't be abandoning my first - and third-person perspective stories that are (usually) self-indulgent and self insert based with the intention of being potentially reader insert if you look at it a certain way. I think in order to improve myself, I need to expand my creativity. I think in order to truly have the "I like what I like and don't like what I don't like and I don't care" attitude and the "I write what I want and I don't care" attitude, I need to be willing to allow myself to write something different if I so choose to. I don't need to push myself, but I don't need to let anxiety control my life.

It's easy due to my (undiagnosed) autism to be resistant to changes. It's easy to let that fight or flight anxiety to make me become inert. But even when it comes to the fictional world? No, I'm not letting that happen. I'm going to expand and explore other territory.

With this being said, I won't be abandoning my niche at all, either. It means way way way too much to me to abandon completely. But trying something new might also help me.

I've come to realize that the reason I have become so self-conscious in the last several months about my self insert stuff is because I let my irl feelings of inadequacy and loneliness get to me. I thought having popularity would fix me. It doesn't, and it isn't even what I want. I convinced myself that focusing on making others happy with my work is more important than my own happiness. I neglected to understand that both are possible, and making others happy is impossible if I am not happy myself.

I wanted to thank everyone (again) who has ever engaged with my fics or enjoys them. Your support has given me so much comfort during these unstable times. I realize that I definitely need to work on myself a lot for a multitude of reasons. Hell, there are a lot of weird things about me and the way my mind works that I don't even understand. But one thing is clear: In recent times, due to my extensive and deep seated loneliness, I've let irl issues impact my emotions with my coping skills and my escape, creating and writing fan content. Letting my fictional men control me in fantasy is fine, but I've let that seep out a little too much in the real world. I need to gain better control over them now. I need to reframe my state of mind into something more positive and confidence boosting.

So thank you all again, and I'm looking forward to exploring old and new territory alike with all of you by my side 🫂❤️

PS: To the anon who sent me your request, you know who you are, you're in for a real treat (I hope you'll find) coming soon 💖💘

[ichigotheringbearer]

just going about my day and then remembering that I lost 3900 runes in elden ring last night because I tripped and fell into an eight-foot-deep bit of water.

that was responsible wasn't it?

[sargasmicgoddess]

Hi. Not cerebral, but have you ever made a random connection with someone so strong on a night out or whatever where you’ve just had to follow it up somehow, or take action there and then?

I have this devil/angel inner-voice trauma in those situations and the angel always wins so I’m always left with wondering ��what if’. One day I’ll have the balls to just say ‘fuck it’ and see what happens. Sigh.

Ever seen the movie Before Sunrise?

That's what I always think of when I think about random connections that just work.

Most of my life, I've followed my passions. Of the mind and of the heart. Professionally and personally. "What ifs" haunt me, and I've consciously tried to live a life where I don't have to say that a lot.

Granted, it takes me to other places that have made me say, "WTF is WRONG with me?!"* And "Am I clinically, diagnosably, INSANE?!"**

Other times, I get hurt wearing my heart on my sleeve by being vulnerable with connections, but that's a willing risk I take. I'd rather feel too much than nothing at all. But at the end of the day, I'm almost always happy I took chances.

I regret nothing. It has shaped me into the person I am today.

Obviously, idk your specific situation, so use your own best judgment.

But more than ever, I've embraced unexpected connections, experiences, and moments in my 40s. I hope you can find your happy medium too!

* everything. But I'm cool with it 🤣

**debatable. I'm sure you'll find me in the DSM somewhere 😬

[ladyzephroar]

Okay, so you know how I said I was going to set a timer for two or three hours to dedicate to a writing sprint? I spent the vast majority of that time reading 'The Egyptian Myths: A Guide to The Ancient Gods and Legends' by Garry J. Shaw for no other reason than the fact that it was within reaching distance on my desk.

I regret all my life's decisions when it comes to this fic. It's making my inner nerd come out and I just can't deal with it. My mind is awful when it comes to nerding out about anything. It really is.

Anyway... Now that the book is locked away in a drawer never to see the light of day until I am finished writing a chapter, I am going to reset that timer and actually get to writing.

[neigepomme]

cw // NSFW. caleb loves when you control him.

caleb's a big man — in more ways than one. however, when he's near you? just an oversized ragdoll for you to manhandle as you please.

the first time he realized that, you were pointing at something for him to see. unfortunately, his attention was on something else, and after losing your patience, you tug at his necklace for him to lean down.

poor guy almost came on the spot. the action wasn't even remotely sexual, but the fact that you felt comfortable enough to boss him around, control him? oh that did caleb in.

somehow, you also caught on. his nervous smile and red ears were telltale signs that he was impacted, and boy, it was bound to be lots of fun for you.

so you tried it out more often. just some inconspicuous stuff to gauge his reactions! no harm in discovery, right?

when he was leaving for work, you'd roughly grab his face with one hand and bring him down to your level to press a kiss on his puckered lips. 

“have a lovely day at work, baby. go get 'em colonel!”

you spoke with the sweetest tone you could muster, and caleb's flushed face and lovestruck smile was a delight to see so early in the morning. wishing you a good day as well, he heads over to the fleet — only to find out he has a hard-on. caleb deals with it in his office, before heading out to train the cadets (who realize their ever so scary colonel is capable of sporting a smile).

the next instance was when you two were out and about in a supermarket, picking out the ingredients for hot pot tonight. you stare at caleb when an older gentleman heads your way with his cart, wobbling around — and a mischievous idea quickly forms in your head. you quickly tug caleb's arm, pressing his body against yours when you flash him a smile, “oops. a cart was headed your way. ”

the pilot can't maintain eye contact, his pants suddenly feeling way tighter than usual. you were going to be the death of him if you kept going, but caleb would be lying if he said that dying to your hands wasn't the best way to go.

the time that cemented it in both of your minds, though, was when you were straddling his lap and making out with him on the living room couch. caleb was taking over your mouth, kissing you like a starved man, and you desperately needed to catch your breath — so you tugged on his hair, hard, in order to separate him from your mouth.

his hips bucked up into yours when you did that, and as the realization hit him, a vicious red blush took over his face.

“fuck pips, you can't keep doing that.”

funnily enough, his words didn't exactly match his actions. when you tugged a little harder in response, his hands grabbed onto your hips and dragged you against his, your clothed core rubbing against his growing bulge. you moan against his ear when a sound between a whimper and a groan comes out of his mouth.

“hmm, but i think you love it, don't you?”

that might be the understatement of the century, caleb thinks. he doesn't just love it, he adores it when you play rough with him — so teasing and unfair, it makes him want to push your buttons, so you keep on doing it.

and that's exactly what he plans on doing when he throws you over his shoulder and starts walking towards the bedroom.

“i do. love it when you control me.”

🍎 pomme's notes — h.. hey.... alexa put on control me by colde....

[cygwena]

Not my cards calling me out for leaving everything till the last minute and suffering every month for it, despite me knowing better.

[bunnylouisegrimes]

Me covered up with blankets watching old school Ghost Adventures, playing with slime, imagining my fictional rich men are comforting me while I go through my period and some Depression™️

[owlbelly]

so. i understand where the sentiment "listening to an audiobook is the same thing as reading the book" is coming from - i mean, yes, the bottom line is you are taking in the same words in what is possibly a more accessible (or maybe just more enjoyable) format for you! and i'm 100% in agreement that "book snobs" who say "no you didn't really read it" if you listened to the audiobook are full of shit. ofc you should engage with stories in whatever way works for you, there is no moral or intellectual superiority to reading words off a page vs. listening to them

but it also is different? an audiobook is a performance. choices a narrator makes about line readings can drastically influence the meaning of the lines. even just different voices, accents, etc. - there are creative choices being made by the person delivering the words to you, and that affects your experience of the story in a different way than if you were making those choices in your own head. it might even change the way you visualize what's going on!

this isn't a bad thing it's just An Actual Thing & i think it's worth talking about. it rubs me the wrong way when people act like accommodations (and for many people audiobooks are an accommodation) always result in a completely identical experience, or even that they should, & if you suggest that people accessing media in different ways are having different experiences it's somehow ableist

anyway on rare occasions i really enjoy audiobooks but mostly they are much less accessible to me than words on a page (i need to be able to reread, flip back and forth, go at my own pace) & i also just really strongly prefer to encounter a text on my own before hearing someone else's performance of it, if possible! again i don't think it's "better" to read a physical book i just think it is a Distinct form of experiencing a story & acting like the two things are entirely the same is sort of doing a disservice to both

[longlivethewildernessyet]

C.S. Lewis: oh and yeah, the stars are actually people who are functionally immortal (unless bitten by a witch who's shapeshifted into a snake) and come down to earth for rest periods wherein they look like normal humans and eat fire-berries until they can go be stars again, but they can be banished too and become magicians—

me: hold on

C.S. Lewis: keep up, there are also sea people (not mermaids) who have entire civilisations underwater, with dark purple hair and ivory skin, and they ride giant seahorses, and are very aggressive—

me: wait a second

C.S. Lewis: aren't you listening, because there is also a world underneath Narnia with many different sections, including one where Father Time sleeps until the end of the world, and a world underneath that called Bism where gems live and can be juiced like fruit—

me: just hang on a minute

C.S. Lewis: so you don't want to hear about how a centaur feeds both stomachs?

[thesargasmicgoddess]

Care for them because that is who you are.

You'll get hurt. Disappointed. Bruised. But you will get back up with lessons learned and memories made.

Don't dim your shine because it blinds those living in darkness.

Sometimes, they will gradually trust you enough to follow you into the light ❤️

“You’ll likely end up disappointed if you think people will care for you the way you care for them. Not everyone has your heart.”

— Unknown

[ghostcat96]

Is it weird that I feel so much more comfortable 'thirsting' for characters after I've realised I'm aroace? I have no idea if there's like, a psychological reason why realising I'm not actually attracted to the characters makes me more comfortable to talk about finding them attractive

[thesargasmicgoddess]

An idle mind is the devil's playground....

I have nothing due tomorrow (well, technically today now). No high stress meetings. No crazy commitments. No work travel, speaking engagements, or press interviews. And here I am, 3am, wide awake and going through potato chips.

You'd think that having less to do would help me sleep, but my brain is apparently confused by the sudden lull in activity and stress level....and is looking for distractions 😂

Like, wtf? My brain has forgotten how to relax. God. I'm so weird. And wired, apparently, for no reason. 😂

now...to masturbate or work....?🤔

[wihellib]

Hey, you leave Sitri alone!

Yeah! Get him, Satan!

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