#my blog: is very innocent and celebrates platonic relationships above all else

[frodo-with-glasses]

What are your headcanons for the rest of Bergil's family? When I was younger I always imagined that maybe his mom was pregnant when she was sent away during the war, and then after she came back Bergil had a little sister. I think Iorlas is his mom's brother? and his grandfather in Lossarnach is his mom's dad. Iorlas and Beregond get along great. No idea what Beregond's side of the family looks like aside from "dad exists". Any thoughts? ~meg

Okay so I DID write an answer to this a couple days ago when you first sent it, Meg, but then tumblr ate my reply and I was too frustrated and busy and in pain to try to write it again. BUT I'M BACK!! LET'S TALK ABOUT MY FAVORITE GONDOR FAMILY!

Oh dude I am so glad to hear I'm not the only one who headcanons that Bergil has a baby sister! I dunno what it is about Beregond, but he just gives me "has a daughter" vibes, y'know? Like dads who've only raised boys are one way, but dads who've raised girls just have something different about their personalities, and I think Beregond has that.

Originally I thought that Bergil's baby sis was just a couple months old when the women and children had to leave Minas Tirith, but I think I like your take on it even more...just the constant anxiety thrumming in the back of Beregond's mind like "my wife is with child and I have to get out of this war alive so I can meet my new son or daughter" is just.....mmm. *chef's kiss* Tasty tasty angst, you love to see it.

*hums under my breath* Gotta go, gotta get the job done, gotta start a new nation, gotta meet my son—TAKE THE BULLETS OUT YO GUN—

I think it's a safe guess to say that Iorlas is Bergil's maternal uncle. Families in LotR tend to pass down similar names (Baranor, Beregond, Bergil...Eomund, Eomer, Eowyn...Arathorn, Aragorn...you get the drift), so everyone on the paternal side of the family—that is, Beregond's side—probably has names that start with B.

.......Which then gives us a bit of a clue what Beregond's wife's name might be!! It probably starts with "Io"! And their daughter's name might too. 8-D

(LotR language nerds, what's a good feminine suffix for a Gondorian name?? Asking for a friend. Totally don't need it for fic writing or anything *cough* And don't say Ioreth, that one's already taken.)

It's also probably a safe bet that the maternal side of the family comes from Lossnarch. Beregond was probably born and raised in Minas Tirith, and when he got married, his wife came to live with him in the city.

ABSOLUTELY Beregond gets along great with his in-laws, how could he not?? :-D Bergil seems to speak of Iorlas as if he's a constant fixture in his life, so Uncle Iorlas probably comes to Minas Tirith pretty often. Maybe on business? Perhaps he has a job that requires a lot of travelling, like a postal courier? And sometimes Beregond and Bergil and the whole family to go Lossnarch to visit the grandparents too. Bergil thinks Uncle Iorlas is the coolest guy ever (second to Dad).

As for Beregond's side of the family...I dunno. I feel like if he had any brothers on active duty, we would've heard about it. But I also doubt that Beregond was an only child, given how most ancient cultures tend to place value on large families. Maybe he only had sisters?? Would explain a bit about him, actually. If his father and mother are still alive, said father was probably too old to be of any use in the City when the war started, and both of them left with the other refugees early on.

......I don't know why I feel like Beregond's mother is dead. Probably just because most of the women in LotR are either dead or missing. I really do feel like she's not around anymore, even though I have absolutely no evidence to substantiate it.

But I can DEFINITELY tell you 1000% that there was a heckin' baby boom in Gondor after the War of the Ring—it is an observable trend that humanity's first response in the aftermath of wars and other widescale tragedies is, for SOME REASON, to procreate—so Bergil very likely had a new baby sibling within a year or two after the Ring was destroyed. Hahaha giggidy

[moonlights-shadow-warrior]

Hi, I’ve been following you for a hot minute and wanted to ask about how you define your asexuality and gray-romanticness. I am a poly/pan trans-guy trying to wrap my head around it and from your posts you always seem super nice and down to earth. Sorry if this is a weird question ^~^’

Ngl your ask did catch me off guard, although that was mostly due to the fact that a) I never get asks, and b) I rarely post my own stuff or comment on others’ posts so the fact that you said I seem nice and down to earth ‘cause of my posts threw me for a bit of a loop. Sweet though, and I’m glad I come off that way even though my blog is really just a mishmash of things I like and that catch me eye

Now as for your question

TL:DR Defining my asexuality means I don’t feel sexual attraction towards others (never have in my almost 23 years of life) and it honestly kinda confuses me simply because it’s something I’ve never experienced before and when others talk about it I just don’t get it

As for my greyromanticism, it’s more a transitional term as over the years I went from having loads and loads of crushes (I think) as a kid to now where I haven’t had a crush for multiple years as I move closer and closer to being aro ‘cause of some trauma that happened in my life. Same trauma is part of why gender does make a difference in my attraction now

Gonna start this off with some backstory saying I used to identify as bisexual, then pansexual, ‘cause I’d never heard of asexuality before and gender didn’t really play a part in my like for someone. And from the terms I knew, those seemed like the obvious choice at the time. But I also didn’t really,,, get it when some of my friends talked about how hot a person was or their list of actors they wanted to bone (and just celebrity crushes in general now that I think about it, although that could’ve very easily been due to the fact I can’t for the life of me remember who’s who in the realm of Hollywood). I’d just sorta nod along and listen ‘cause hey, people are different and just ‘cause we’re both pan doesn’t mean our experiences are exactly the same

Now at this time I was reading a lot—and I mean a lot—of fanfics ‘cause of escapism and all that jazz. And in one fic I came across there was a character—my favorite character—that was ace. When it got mentioned I didn’t think much of it ‘cause it was just ‘oh cool new term I haven’t heard before’. But then it was explained not only what asexuality was, but also what sexual and romantic attraction were—with examples for each of them—and how they didn’t always line up for some people. And it just

Clicked

I did a bit more research on it, reading things that other aces had posted talking about being ace, and it felt like it just fit me

It’s probably been close to 7 years since I last read that fic, but it was explained something like this

Have you ever looked at someone and wanted to fool around with them, maybe take a tumble in the sheets, but would never want to date them? That’s sexual attraction

And have you ever looked at someone and had your heart flutter and just wanted to go on dates and maybe kiss them but you wouldn’t describe them as sexy and the thought of having sex with them either didn’t cross your mind or made your stomach turn? Romantic attraction

And feeling the latter without the former? Well you might just be ace

Of course this isn’t a universal thing for those under the ace umbrella, but it worked for me and helped me realize something about myself

I don’t feel sexual attraction, which was why all those times my friends talked about how sexy someone was or who was on their f list, it felt like a foreign concept to me and the most I could say to relate was “well they are cute”

As for my greyromanticism, that one’s not as clear cut. Also cw for bad parenting and divorce/bad breakups basically idk

Like I said above, I used to get a lot of crushes as a kid. Looking back, were they all actually crushes or just me thinking a person looked cute? Who knows, but I’m pretty sure there were some

Walking in late only to see the new kid sitting there and immediately my heart rate picked up and I had trouble looking directly at them without blushing? Then picking up an instrument that they played just to try and be seated next to them in band class even though I had no idea what I was doing and had barely talked to them before?

Crush

Get partnered with someone for one assignment and then always trying to sneak glances at them out of the corner of my eye and it just so happens that they ended up in a lot of my photos of my middle school DC field trip?

Crush

Playing spin the faygo just for the chance to make out with one person ‘cause they’re hella cute and within an hour of knowing each other we immediately linked hands and threaded our fingers together while walking around?

Crush

Just as a few examples. Also I was shy and didn’t know how to socialize, which didn’t help at all in the creepiness factor

Now could some of my crushes have actually been just me becoming attached to someone who was nice to me one (1) time? Maybe, who knows, not me

Like I said above, me identifying as greyro is more transitional as I move closer and closer to identifying as aromantic ‘cause of trauma. Was I actually always arospec but just hadn’t heard of the terms like with asexuality? I don’t know because only after everything did I come across the term and my memory is so poor that I can’t properly recall the feelings I experienced. Even the above may not be accurate because my memory’s so spotty and my mind likes to insert things that never actually happened or are wildly different from what everyone else remembers

Which sucks but I digress

So that trauma I keep mentioning. As a child that had to deal with a rough divorce, it can bring on a whole slew of issues, some of which relate to relationships. I called my parents’ divorce almost a decade before it actually happened, and watching it go downhill to the point they could barely stand to be in the same room was rough. Not only that, but I had to give relationship advice to my father, from saying that he should go through with the divorce to giving my opinion on who he should date and if he should break it off or power through a rough spot or not come home for the night. Needless to say, all that warped my perception just a bit

And while that was happening, I had to deal with my own rocky high school relationships

While I haven’t dated a lot of people, a lot of the breakups were bad. Maybe not bad right away and we’d continue on being friends afterwards, but down the line something would happen where they’d either drop all contact or blow up at me without me knowing why or realizing something was off in the first place. And paired with the after effects of the divorce, it was a bad combination

But the golden lining was a breakup so terrible that it caused my datemate to hallucinate and go into such a depressive state that I’m pretty sure the after effects still influence how they act today when it comes to relationships. The four of us talked about moving in together, having a double wedding and all that. But then one left out of the blue and the other became harder and harder to contact until there was no response. And that all happened less than a month after I finally ran away from all the bs of the divorce and my father asking for relationship advice and being dropped so suddenly after what I thought was a good breakup

And after that I can only pinpoint 2 maybe crushes around the same time less than a year later

So yeah, traumatic

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, because I hadn’t heard of the term

But even then I told my datemate that if we broke up I will never be in another romantic relationship after them because of everything. Because I didn’t really believe in love anymore

But I didn’t identify as greyro yet, even when I had heard of the term

I thought, nah, that’s not me, because I still thought I had crushes, as few and far between as they were. Because I didn’t know there were other kinds of attraction

And then my datemate asked if I had a crush on this one person, and I said no, and I realized that was the truth. I hadn’t had a crush on them. I wanted to hold their hand and cuddle and maybe give light pecks, protect them as best I could, but it wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t the same feelings as what I remember feeling in my childhood, what I feel towards my datemate

I had a squish, and once I realized that things started making a bit of sense. There were people I wanted to hold their hand, laze around in a cuddle pile to be close to them, maybe give them quick innocent pecks because I’m touch starved and want affection. But never were the feelings romantic

If that trauma had never happened, would I still say I’m panromantic instead of bi greyromantic? Who knows, not me

But what I do know is that if something were to happen and my datemate and I were to split, that the single romantic attraction I have felt in years was severed, I’d full on say I’m aro because they are my exception

My greyromanticism is transitional. It’s not “I feel romantic attraction sparingly” or “have a hard time distinguishing platonic from romantic” or the other common definitions I’ve seen around, but rather “I used to feel romantic attraction all the time, but now only feel it towards one person and if that were to go away, I wouldn’t feel it at all”

Sometimes I doubt myself, thinking maybe I’m experiencing crushes and just don’t realize it or am in denial. But then I think about it again and tell my doubt to shut up because that’s wrong and I know it

And wow that was a lot and I’m pretty sure I spent ~4 hours writing this without realizing it. I hope this answered your question though!! Word vomiting like this helped me realize a few things myself

Also wow I need therapy more than I thought