#greyro

[bread-is-bread]

"You can't just pick and choose the parts of a romantic relationship that you want"

No, actually I can.

I can do exactly that. If I want to see them multiple times a week with no commitment and no exclusivity I can.

If I want to cuddle and kiss and not be any more intimate than that I can.

If I want to go on fun dates and spend time together and have little adventures but never call them my partner I can.

If I want to do these things with multiple people at the same time I can.

If I want to call it hanging out instead of dating I can.

If I want to keep things private but also post us being silly on my close firends stories I can.

I can do anything I want to as long as all the parties in the relationship are happy and it's not hurting anyone.

Other people cannot define my relationships for me.

[genderqueerdykes]

i've seen loads of aromantic people express feeling wrong about themselves for identifying as aro but not wanting to be in any type of partnering relationship whatsoever, like queerplatonic relationships. i feel like when folks did their best to chase aro and ace people out of the queer community, a lot of common discussions and rhetoric about our experiences became lost which is extremely unfortunate

while aromantic people who date, and aromantic people who get into other types of close relationships are normal, it is an extremely common aromantic experience to not want to have any types of close relationships aside from friendship applied to themselves. this is very common to the aromantic experience. whether or not an aromantic person enjoys dating is up to them, but I just felt it was necessary to point out that many don't and that's normal and alright, too

[aro-but-not-ace]

Being greyromantic is like viewing romance as DLC

[pally-plate]

I just learned about alterous attraction and…

It perfectly describes how I feel. I don’t think google really explains it very well, so I’ll explain it how I saw it explained.

So basically, it’s the a-nonbinary version of love (a-nonbinary is where you’re outside of the binary as well as removed from the nonbinary spectrum, you’re your own thing.).

So, romantic is one end of the spectrum, and platonic is the other end. Queer-platonic is everywhere else on the spectrum. But alterous attraction is completely separated from the spectrum. It’s just its own type of attraction.

‘Romantic’ can also be replaced with any other type of attraction, such as sexual, aesthetic, sensual, etc, I’m just focusing on romantic attraction since that’s the one I was most confused about, so it’s the one I connect with the most.

I used this analogy to explain it to one of my friends and I think I got it down perfectly, exactly how I feel:

My attraction is like: warhead vs a Swedish fish. (Romantic and platonic attraction.) If you eat them both at once, it’s both sour and sweet at the same time, and you can’t really tell where one candy starts and the other ends. (Both of them mixed together would be queerplatonic attraction). But my attraction to people is more like a tart nerds candy. It’s still candy, and it still has a bit of sour and a bit of sweet mixed in, but at the end of the day, it’s its own flavor.

Feel free to use this analogy if you wish, no need to credit me, but please keep it related to alterous attraction if you do choose to use it.

But yeah, I’m very proud of this analogy, as it perfectly describes how I feel attraction to other people.

[saffigon]

I know I'm the Loveless Heartless Badass Guy on aro tumblr, but we, as a community, must work on supporting the more romance favorable, the lovequeer and arolovic, the romoaro, the greyspec etc part of the community.

The recent shift in focus to lovelessness, heartlessness, repulsion has been great in giving representation to those that feel underrepresented, but it is ultimately coming with the cost of pushing out those that enjoy and enjoy experiencing romance and love. That's not to say that those that are favorable, lovequeer, romo aro, greyspec, etc cannot also be loveless, heartless, repulsed, etc. Nor is it to say we should now push the loveless, heartless, repulsed folks out of the community. Or that lovelessness, heartlessness, or repulsion doesn't also experience strife still.

It is instead to say: we as a community are fostering a space of romance negativity, and to a certain degree, love negativity. Treating romance or love as something evil, something weird or wrong, equating them to illnesses: these are all the examples of romance negativity seeping into our community.

Romance and love still have a place in our community just as much as not experiencing them do. The unique intersection of being arospec and experiencing romance; The unique intersection of being loveless and lovequeer; These experiences are so important to our community and ultimately enrich it. We as an aromantic community must do better.

[aro-mantic-fairy]

Where do you fall on the aromantic spectrum??

[a-romantic--aromantic]

Hey i want to send a big shout out to everyone who uses older aspec terminology. shoutout to people who use zed instead of allo, who still primarily describe themselves as partnering or non partnering or favorable. shoutout to using nonsam and not making the jump to the newer similar terms. shout out to people who dont keep up with all the latest identities and labels. shoutout to they people who are still using greyspec and who are helping keep where we came from alive. its super cool that you keep doing that and i cant wait for younger people to find out about their options because those terms and phrases are still being used.

[gothfatherr]

discovering I'm greyromantic and not aromantic has to have been one of the peak moments this year, that and also that I'm GAY not bisexual.

"how did this happen?"

well, at the beginning of this year I was going to hook up with a very beautiful woman, I got to her house and we kissed...I didn't feel anything. I wasn't feeling anything at all, and I felt terrible. like jfc it was a 40 minute bus ride + 20 minute walk to get here and nothing is happening to me. I felt horrible, we just ended up laying in bed talking, and I left an hour later.

it was the worst hook up experience I've ever had and also my FIRST one with a woman. so this is where my journey began into questioning my sexuality all over again. it took me months to finally come to terms with the fact that yeah, I'm QUEER AS FUCK, I'M GAY, I LOVE MEN.

part of the fact that it took me so long to accept it, is because I'm a trans man, and I felt like I had no place within the gay community. I've always been rejected by gay men (for being trans), but never bisexual men. so I felt "safer" with them, they didn't care. but I've encountered so many transphobic gay men throughout these past couple of years...it just hurt, it really did. I felt like I would never be enough for a gay (cis) man, so I could never be a part of the community.

now, as of november 2023, I could give less of a fuck if someone accepts me or doesn't accept me as a gay man, because I accept myself and that's enough for me.

[everything-greyromantic]

Greyromantic culture is having felt romantic attraction but still not understanding it at all

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Guys! Guys! New term for arospec just dropped!!!!

Original

[vurrart]

happy aro week!! i decided to draw my arospec headcanons :] details under the cut!

kris (deltarune): aroace

celeste (animal crossing): non-SAM aro

tree hugger (mlp): non-SAM aro

iggy koopa (mario): alloaro

flick (animal crossing): aroflux

twilight sparkle (mlp): demiromantic

applejack (mlp): greyromantic

[genderqueerdykes]

someone not experiencing romantic attraction is not harmful. someone not wanting to be in relationships is not harmful. someone who does not want to have sex with others is not harmful. someone who does not experience sexual attraction but has sex is not harmful. someone who likes to date but doesn't want to cuddle and verbally express love is not harmful. someone who doesn't feel romantic love but enjoys making others happy in relationships is not harmful.

aromantic, asexual and other aspec experiences are not "bad" experiences, they are part of the gradient of ways in which all humans experience our complex social, romantic, familial, queerplatonic, and other relationships. someone is not harming others if they are choosing to engage, or not engage, in activities based around their individual needs in those relationships.

that is healthy, and to be embraced and celebrated, and above all else, we need to have our boundaries respected first and foremost, and not to be made to feel like we should change to benefit others.

[manyminded]

I doubt my aromantic identity a lot.

I want to date. I am very romance positive. I think I’ve had crushes before? Love is something I dive headfirst into - hell, I’ve even called myself ‘love incarnate’ multiple times. Shouldn’t I be, like, disqualified or something?

Like, yeah, my ‘crushes’ are usually sexual/platonic, any romantic attraction is very few and far between, and wanting to date is just nebulous and no attraction to anyone in particular (more just a vague yearn).

but it still feels…weird. I don’t relate with a lot of the community because of my experiences. It’s isolating. Yeah, I’ll stand with the rest of us - support every aro or support none of them - but it’s…lonely. I guess I just want to meet more people like me.

I know I’m aro. The label and its community has made a lasting impact on me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see the world the same way again. (This is awesome!!) but I guess I just feel…alone, sometimes. For how it presents in me. This leads to doubt.

but in the wise words of punkitt - “do whatever you want forever.”

[ace-of-hail]

Platonic crushes are so much more interesting and fun than romantic crushes

Like, there's a lot of overlap, but being best friends with someone seems a lot less stressful and demanding than bring their romantic partner

[bitchwholoveslife]

Being arospec is just being asked how many crushes you've had/who you've been romantically into and all that comes to mind is like two unobtainable celebrities, five fictional characters, and the 1 (one) real person you think you might have had a crush on 6 years ago

[wormonastringtheory]

happy Valentine's day to aromantics/aplatonics who enjoy Valentine's Day and feel left out by the community each year during this day because they can't connect with the way allos celebrate it but also don't dislike it the way many aros do