#my brain is wired for death
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Alright
I think this was a sweet interaction
But the terror of an old man almost following me home from the park??
#like I don’t think most old people realize how scary that can be#but some DO#I think he was just being sweet and talking art so like cute gay#my brain is wired for death#but it was#nice???#idk I like people#I’m just used to#ya know#not moving back on campus#not letting anyone know where I live till uh#idk a long time
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THE STAR.
UPRIGHT: hope, inspiration, renewal, serenity, healing REVERSED: despair, lack of faith, disconnection, discouragement, imbalance The Star represents a person who brings hope, inspiration, and a sense of peace. Others look to you for guidance and support in difficult times. Can you live up to the expectations?
#got this one in just under the wire!#nearsbday#my art#near#near death note#nate river#death note#tarot#death note brain rot
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sam winchester, laptoppin it up :)
I feel like it's either extremely obvious that I've watched all 15 seasons of spn (11 of them as they were airing on tv) or somehow Not Obvious, despite the fact that I semi regularly reference it in one way or another.
god. anyway. sam. I will never recover from the poetic tragedy of sam. praying while being marked down as lucifer's vessel. the constant focus on wanting to be clean, the way free will versus pre-determination is in a constant state of narrative friction just by his character existing. the scope of horror in being damned and doomed before you were even born, by your own mother. wow. character of all time.
bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost ⭐ cara.app
#spn#sam winchester#i wrote a 10k sam/death s9/10 fic one time. that's the kind of spn brain rot i have#back in highschool i had s1 on DVD and used to lend it out to people lmao#anyway i did a bunch of spn sketches back in september and posted none of them but the idea was to do one a day#which is simply not how my brain is wired. but there was. maybe 13 or 14 that i did finish. this is one of them!
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Izzy using his sword to put out the candles instead of burning his hand with them something something emotional growth and moving past the pain and hatred that has consumed him
#idk man does this make sense#do i have a point#i don't know if i have a point#my brain is too wired right now#izzy hands#our flag means death#ofmd#ofmd s2#ofmd s2 spoilers
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THE HEADACHE MEDS WORKED BUT THEY HAVE CAFFEINE IN THEM SO I CAN’T SLEEP BUT I NEED TO OR I’LL GET A HEADACHE TOMORROW AFTERNOON THEN I’LL HAVE TO TAKE THE AFOREMENTIONED MEDS WITH CAFFEINE IN THEM AND BE UNABLE TO SLEEP SO THE NEXT DAY I’LL—
#the cycle is cycling#my bedtime was 2.5 hours ago#my body is incapable of sleeping in my ass is getting up 6am-7am regardless of when I fall asleep#I’m glad the meds helped don’t get me wrong but this just seems like cruel and unusual punishment at this point#your choices are die a slow painful death by brain melt or alternate between wired (anxious) and tired (anxious) no inbetween#I know things take time to balance out but lol I’m in danger#for the record I don’t drink caffeinated drinks#I have limited my diet drastically to keep the horrors at bay#so it’s not bc I drank coffee or soda or something I simply can’t do that anymore#it’s just a medicine thing#oh well at least I wrote arthurian yuri in my phone for a bit#my post
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Even more value practice but this time make it clickpedia because I have a problem and that problem is them never leaving my mind
Also little extra comic I made of this because I could not help myself…
#god I need them out of my brain NOW#don’t mind how wired the room looks tried my best to make it look like a dark room lol#ngl did not understand what was happening in half of the refs I looked up lmao#also added in a record player becouse I’ve seen a few ppl HC that click likes records and I LOVE that so much#he 100% put a record player in his development room so he can listen to it when he works#speaking of click HC he is also a serial cloths stealer in my eyes#(becouse he dose not have any other cloths other then his uniform)#also horror constantly uses slang/jokes about death around click on accident lmao#bro will litrally say somthing like ‘oh this will blow your mind!’ and then realize 10 seconds later what he said#click dosent mind tho he find it funny#reverse 1999#reverse 1999 art#reverse 1999 click#reverse 1999 horropedia#reverse 1999 horrorclick#clickpedia#horroclick#fågel art!
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imgonna go FERAL AGAHHHHH bro i love music SO MUCHB HGAHAHHHHHHHHFHH
i think i need to be studied bc who reacts like this to. jazz fusion. nobody i know (other than me)
#i feel like a bird gnawing at the wire of my cage except im actually doing nothing and that is just a state of mind#nevertheless i can feel the sensation of AHHR RHR GHHTHR GRHTHTTRHRG GHAGAHHR without physically doing it#gnawing at the bars of your enclosure is just a state of mind. the enclosure is your brain and you are stuck inside there. always wishing fo#r freedom but never reaching it#what would become of you if you escaped the enclosure? your mind is the only place you exist.#is gnawing through those bars and finally escaping just the equivalent of death?#what the fuck who possessed me#hello???????#what the freakity fracklsticks.....
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Liking any piece of media is so exhausting because I can’t just like things normally. I need to consume its essence. I need to hold it gently in my hands and keep it close to my heart. I need to project it permanently into my brain. I need to give all the characters a hug and a high five. I need to bite them I need to put them in my pocket I need to throw them at the wall. I need to tuck them into bed and give them little kisses on the forehead. I need to throw them down the stairs. Do you understand.
#i mean every bit of this affectionately#but the only way i can express my love for things is by either biting screaming or holding it very gently#either physically or metaphorically#something in my brain is wired weird but that’s okay#I just need to. I just need to have a permanent projection of my favourite things tattooed into the front of my brain#i need to hold hands with my favourite guys#this is mostly about#ofmd#our flag means death#it’s making me bounce off the walls#like a ping pong ball#I’m chewing on glass#I’m eating the wallpaper#I’m screaming and yelling#I’m. aughhhhhhhhhh#I love it so much#my favourite ever#ever forever and ever more#it is making me ill it is making me unwell#I will never recover#never ever forever#and I love it#it’s so silly#and everyone in it is even sillier#love them for that#so so dearly#idk what this is really I’m just tired#missing the pirates again….#my bad guys. can’t wait to see them again#ofmd s2
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hey so do you think his gay little red scarf here is the. the uh. the um. well you know.
#ofmd#our flag means death#disclaimer i have been known to be stupid and jump to dumb conclusions because my brain isnt wired right so. yall let me know.#and i also havent rewatched the show in forever. BUT LIKE. YOU KNOW#txt
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decided i wanted to do a family tree of my (newest) version of the afton family, ik it looks insane but here's the breakdown:
William has had four romantic relationships: Adeline Raymond, his ex-wife and first serious relationship, with whom he had Vanessa Nicole Marconi, a woman he had a one-night-stand with that produced Michael, leading to his and Adeline's divorce Margarete Schroder, his fiancée, with whom he had Elizabeth and Evan (cc) Gabriel Title, his paramour/who he's cheating on Margarete with
Elizabeth & Evan are the only "full siblings"
In order of oldest to youngest; Vanessa, Michael, Elizabeth, Evan, with Michael and Vanessa being close in age and Elizabeth and Evan being close in age
William and Adeline had joint custody of Vanessa, while William had full custody of Michael
William's relationships with Adeline and Nicole were in his early/mid 20s, when he was fresh out of college
Basically as soon as William was independent, he never spoke to his parents again, so none of his children knew their paternal grandparents; the last time he saw them was at their funeral
William's older brother, Barnaby, died in a biking accident when he was a teenager, which William caused but was never suspected of having any involvement
#uagh don't ask me specifics about ages regarding the kids my brain isn't wired for that kind of math (light-hearted)#fnaf au#afton family#ooc; the author speaks#cheating mention#death mention
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Watched "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" today and the whole Tuco/Blondie relationship is just this meme for three hours, back and forth:

Deeply, deeply divorced people xD
#the good the bad and the ugly#also the feeling I got from The Ecstasy of Gold is hard to overstate#I had to fight myself to not stand up with a hand to my heart#also was low-key expecting either Creeping Death or Master of Puppets right after that#my brain is wired that way since 1999
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And now the dynamic has been set in stone
#in my mind (if you’re interested) Karras joins the church when he’s 29/30 and fighting his gay thoughts#technically Merrin is 74(?) in the movie at his death but I see him as more stress-aged 60’s#anyway merrin’s like late 50’s when Karras joins#wires cross in karras’ gay ass brain#And now he fantasizes about that withering husk of a man#it’s doomed yaoi for multiple reasons…#one: Merrin dies (oops spoiler)#two: Merrin is normal and does not go for people 30 years younger than him#three: Merrin isn’t gay#sorry dimmie#father merrin#father karras#Karras x Merrin#merras#my art
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I love having the same au within multiple medias because my brain is a busted revolving door and anytime the wires spark it makes me smash things together
#anyways um. rengiyu kamisama kiss au#also a new one but senrui rengiyu hxh au because the wires crossed and it ran me over like a truck..#i just really like crossover aus... especially if i get to play with vharacters like dolls with them..#theres a lot of crossovers that just linger in my brain.. natsumes friends.. rgghggtrtggrrrhigurashi ..death parade....#theres a lot of the rattling in my head i truly wish i had the brain space to divulge into them yaknow
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found a way out of the fixation only to find myself in another fixation
#bsd#orv#bungou stray dogs#omniscient reader's viewpoint#i am actually going to put a fork in the microwave what in the shit man#okay heres a visual. i take my brain out. i set it out on a table. there is brain fluid everywhere its fucking gross.#there is some weird wiring in my brain. the hyperfixation bug. i take out the bug. free at last#as i set my brain back in#right before i close my head again#another bug falls in from the ceiling#planted there by the horrors#timed to fall the minute they predicted i would sit down here (death note shit yk?)#and now i cant open it again for the next few years#and im stuck with this brain that makes me insane about a reader a writer and a protagonist#wagh#words words words
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characters making a big deal abt calling the other jagiya.......... as ldw's character looks at them in pain................. im choking
#i know its a normal word hfjjfdjdjjfjfjf sfh and moonjo just have me in a death grip <333#so you understand how this word has forever been wired in my brain after that show!#it truly just like everything reminds me of Him................
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ive complained bout it before but i’ll do it again, its a problem of my own making
i have ostracized myself from my own friend group by getting sick of hockey. And being terrible at online communication. And texting. it sucks, i did this to myself. But i also just can’t bring myself to enjoy hockey as much as I did last year. Esp since I let it fucked my life up a little bit. And esp since I feel slight annoyance at the sport.
Mix in the NHL being shit league atm with its…. positions on things. And yeah, sort of hard to watch the games. Idk. I don’t know how to explain my position to everyone. And it’d feel stupid to cause, i didn’t really talk to begin with. Like here’s a funnt photo I pulled from like 2016
#ker talks#yes i used to go by adam#i need to clear out my camera roll omg its still filled with hockey like at least 1k photos#this photo sums up my entire social life its a little funny#its also funny that i’m extroverted#as in that i thrive off social situations and go insane without em but i dont talk to people#im a goddamn egnigma#idk how to spell that#im fucking hungry again i give up#yes i need to work on my social skills#scary but has to be done. i just idk#i cant do it online in person its so easy#i fucking hate online convos like idk#my dads the same way i think our brains just aint wired for text communication#i need in person or voice or visual or smth#text to me feels super impersonal (?) dont know if thats the right word#but most of the time I find it hard to gain an online frienship cause it idk feels weird#to the few online friends i’ve got love ya to death truely do think of ya as friends#literatly only started doing this online stuff tho like 2 years ago so.#im a baby
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