#my cousin is coming down this weekend and i'd like to be able to give it to him now

[journeyman-tier-fibercraft]

I haven't knit a fully ribbed hat in a long time and today I was reminded why. I always somehow get the exact wrong amount of stitches to have a satisfying decrease. But it's decent enough and it's comfy so I'm going to just live with it. I am thinking about blocking this hat since it is a gift, I'm just waiting for the swatch of this yarn to get through the laundry cycle.

But based on my total gram usage I'm about half way done with this scarf which is great. It's a relaxing knit but I haven't made a scarf in a long time and I forgot how annoying they can be when they start getting this long.

[pbnmj]

(positive) Hey. You're going to make me FUCKING explode. COMIC PETE KNOWING BEFORE ITSV?? You knew him for longer, and I've already had to watch him die. You spend your weekends out with him and help him chase down stories, while I was just too late to. Instead on weekends I come and replace the flowers by his bedside. YOU'RE GONNA MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND !!

ITSV!Peter comes to the slow horrible realization that Comic!Peter grew up faster than perhaps even he did, because he had to deal with all that shit younger, and he's so fragile. The world hasn't even given him a chance to breathe, yet.

YES. ANON YOU GET IT. FUCKING EXACTLY LIKE THIS!!!! especially that last part, i'd like itsv!peter to suffer through guilt over situations he literally cannot control. it does however give me the sad little idea to have comic!noir be able to visit itsv noir's dimension and have a weird reunion with robbie, where he's a little confused but peter is trying to pass this other peter off as a cousin of some kind ("you're both named peter???" "parkers are not. um. creative")

[feuqueerfire]

Bloodhounds Live Blogging

I've mostly been watching non-BL kdramas from 2019-2022, so I thought I'd give something recent a try! The whole series dropped yesterday and it's apparently action filmed + good bromance, so this'll be my weekend binge for now

Ep 1 (Jun 10)

Dec 2020

I can't remember having watched many boxing shows/movies before, maybe the Shark: The Movie with Wi Hajoon but I can't even remember if that was boxing or something else

oh yeah fuck I was so focused on the other aspects of the show, I forgot that the main characters have debt apparently agh it's so

ew Suju Siwon

damn, this loan shark really lending them 100 billion won for this hotel, that's wild

the loanshark mans has a scar on his face that he hides with makeup

boxer name: Kim Gunwoo (more like Geonwoo tbh)

oh lol that win was Hong Woojin's imagination? and then he calls Geonwoo a name and gets knocked down as his plan backfires pls

fun Woojin vs Geonwoo fight

ohhh I checked MDL and the main duo is Geonwoo and Woojin?

heh Geonwoo is so endearing with his calm and no-nonsense, serious answers

plsss the way their dynamic is switching when we figure out Geonwoo is 2 years younger than Woojin and then changing again when Geonwoo served the marines earlier? or higher status in some way. a sunbae

pls earnest, honest Geonwoo keeps falling for Woojin's lies every 3 minutes T.T

ahhh these loanshark fuckers going around offering to every store owner - anyway, I know Geonwoo's mother missed reading something in the fine print bc it was mentioned on a reddit on-air thread commend

oh? who's the woman with the tazer and the man who was "a fake" being chased?

ah, so this old man does interest-free loans and tazer girl works for him

these loan shark fuckers are sooooo >:(((( die die die

ohhh that scar on their face is like a gang tattoo?

I love how earnest Geonwoo is while still being serious and a bit naive and optimistic and just cute :> Though he's gonna have to change now that he's been pulled into such violence.

Ep 2 (Jun 11)

these loanshark fucks

D: Woojin trying to get a loan for Geonwoo T.T plsss

oh they have to work as bloodhounds? meaning they're also gonna be loanshark types? - oh they left but why's the title bloodhounds then, will they have to come back?

ohh Woojin taking the disrespect at the beginning of the meeting but being intimidating and giving a same slap back at the end ah

is this an Apple ad lol

ah so that's how Geonwoo and the woman's story connect - the guy who she's chasing is getting loans using homeless people and giving the money to Smile Capital glasses guy

Dream On Capital guy - is he familiar to us or no?

ohh is Chairman Bang the dude with the wheelchair? or is that Mr. Choi? anyway, are they gonna be the bodyguards that the man was looking for?

ah sucks so bad that when searching for loans, they keep being offered loan collector positions

ah security job

so indeed the man is Mr Choi

dang, interesting that Geonwoo is telling his mother he got all the money and how because I feel like a different character would hide it and pay it off in secret. he might've done the same thing if he was working as a debt collector or something instead of security though

Siwon's character from earlier who is apparently a well-connect chaebol with his cop cousin + the loan shark hm what's gonna happen - what's up with getting the loan shark drunk lol

ohh I don't remember this loanshark man calling himself Chairman Bang but I guess he did so in ep 1? so he's masquerading. also I wonder if Mr. Choi himself is just Chairman Bang lol like only Mr. Choi knows who Chairman Bang is + he looks around 60 which is supposed to be his age

ah Siwon's character's name is Beom

plssss Woojin lying in front of Mr. Choi, he has become an actor

damn, another interview step

broooooo just insane amounts of money but also don't pull it all out

ah, they have found the common enemy (Smile Capital)

ofc Geonwoo wouldn't be able to stay still while an old homeless man is beaten up

Ep 3 (Jun 11)

cruel or heatless or cold woman vs upstanding empathetic man ah - although I wish I liked her acting better? the character doesn't feel natural for her idk

plss their excitement at getting rehired T.T

her calling them oppa surprised e fr

Mr. Choi definitely knows the Chairman Bang poser who has the cut on the side of his face - oh mans name is Kim Myeong-gil

ah trio friends now

ohh the loan sharks investing in that hotel are gonna make illegal gambling take place in the casino at the top of the hotel -> send evidence to police -> hotel in ruins -> loan sharks will take over hotel

damn they're beating up Siwon's character just to scare him or what? oh nvm Smile Capital ppl here

damn I wasn't expecting such brutal torture scenes

and now blackmail material by making him strip down?

oh, seems like some of the people in Smile Capital (including CEO) actually worked for Mr. Choi back when he was a loan shark

goddamn so that's how Kim Myeong-gil got the scar on his face and Mr. Choi became disabled

just straight-up bars of gold lol

Myeong-gil is being real or tricking Beom with this trust and sweet talk about him being his donsaeng?

goddamn this crowd of people

I saw a gif where Geonwoo was waiting for some operation to be successful on Woojin or something, will that be due to this fight?

Ep 4 (Jun 11)

oh nooo he's going to Geonwoo's mother

wait, who is this who's stopping them from taking the mother? someone Mr. Choi called right but like who?

oh actually the boss called this man who went to where the fight happened but who was the one who rescued the mother?

oh sashimi knife - that sushi restaurant from before - he's the one who saved Geonwoo's mom

ah the 5 knifers - when those 2 talked about avenging their boys, they mean the 3 knifers the Kim Myeon-gil managed to kill - Lee Du-yeong and Hwang Yang-jung

they ate all the fucking rolled omelets without leaving any for the others? die fuckers

who's spying on the trio going to transfer money? it's probably the smile capital driver dude but somehow it also looks a bit like the knife to me oof

oh noooo yeah it's the driver dude and he got her while the big Beom dude is going to the duo

ah fuck they're sending so many people to capture the trio

damn bruh not a car chase but fucking car crashes

no Geonwoo don't get outtttttt

beat them with bars of gold lesgo lmao

pls their slow jogging with the gold bags T.T

Ep 5 (Jun 11)

okay at least they dropped the gold bag and several boxes bc indeed their lives are worth more + they got most of the money

the big plans of Myeong-gil and his men vs Mr. Choi and his knifers are fun, moreso than the trio because the trio often involves just fighting and some bickering whereas the big players have planning and intrigue and history

ah Mr. Choi offering him an out

lol the knifers and trio convo is so cute and endearing

lol yknow I did think that Hyunju and the biker knifer looked kinda similar so for them to also say it was like lol

wait, why'd Beom just fuck up those people? why mad?

he declined his wife's call? bro are you gonna fucking die? we first saw him while he was in bed with his wife too so

oh he for real slayed Junmin's throat - ngl I didn't fully get what their next step was, like, did they kill him just because he was the one going around intimidating people and stuff?

oh so they're killing Junmin and capturing Im Jangdo driver mans? I remember they said something about getting them to point to dead bodies or something

omg torture scenes D: sanding someone's thing and then using saltwater

Mr Choi got Jangdo to talk

are phones trackable or not? they're keeping Jangdo's phone but can they be found out through that

oh damn Jangdo also saying Myeong-gil and In-Beom are like brothers, they've saved each other's lives before

Ep 6 (Jun 11)

Today's plan was to actually watch eps 2-5 but people say the show is soooo good until ep 6 and it's one of the better eps before ep 7-8 seem different (?), so I think I'll just watch this one too

damn they're using Siwon's dumbass character to track the knifers

D: boil body, grind them up and pour them into the ocean that's so disgusting

who's seung-duk

the way the knifers know of myeong-gil's preliminary plans with the casino but still don't know the extent of how terrible it is

Mr Choi is making vacation plans? dreams of going to Italy? bruh he's not gonna make it out alive, is he

not this happy times where everybody's chatting and drinking and feeling good, we're boutta see serious shit go down huh?

as expected, he's also gonna be a dad, ah my guy i can forsee your death so clearly

okay this young kid isn't Hyunju, right? because the story doesn't fit with her history

oh nvm it is indeed Hyunju

huh? Geonwoo's mother didn't take Mr. Choi's loans though, so

teary-eyed grateful Geonwoo ahh

pls Mr. Choi keeps having parallels with youth like learning what flex is from Hyunju and thanking Geonwoo for teaching him what youth is

ah fuck they've got Mr. Choi's address, it's starting. bro people are drunk and shit now, right?

oh wait they're found the biker knifer Duhyeong's address actually? is that where they tortured Jangdo?

naurrr this Dayoung and his wife scene T.T

let's go knife throwing

damn so fucking bloody

ah rip Duyeong having to sell out the other knifer

bro wtf do you mean someone might have seen the car? take a diff mean of transport then let's go public transit where they can't just pick you off

ah fuck sushi restaurant

oh noooo his apprentice is fucking dead in the room

this sense of foreboding is so

noooooooo Myeong-gil killed Duyeong and his wife after he got the info? D: nooo. I was like dang, it would've been good if Duyeong called Yungjung to warn him but alas he is dead

another hand-to-hand knife fight

ah fuck I can't believe Yungjung is also gonna dye so soon before the fight even reaches Mr. Choi

the knifers didn't get to avenge their 3 brother knifers T.T this is actually so fucking sad man

it's interesting that this whole show is so focused on the fight scenes and intensity but in this episode, we focus so much on the softness of everybody together and the leadup fights and deaths are also so quiet and mostly solitary, this is so fucked

like bruh Woojin's just chilling and having breakfast

these scenarios remind me so much of my recurring childhood nightmare of home invasion by gunda (thugs) and having to figure out how to escape and then being chased while you attempt ah fuck

ah at least Mr. Choi has overcome the hesitancy to shoot though the fact that his safe and everything is wide open is a lot

okay I know he doesn't die because there's some surgery thing later on that's at least successful or something

ah fuck this Beom motherfucker

it's actually crazy that these evil people are straight up just defeating them 75% in like not just "oh they're being cornered but will easily win" but like people are fucking dead like straight up the experienced, big players from this side are just gone

as is the money and the house is aflame

bro fuck Hyunju and Geonwoo coming home to see all this

oh my god I did not expect to get teary-eyed at Geonwoo begging to donate one more bag of blood for Woojin

Fave Ep of the show and just genuinely suchhhh a good episode in general. The humanity and serenity of it drove me to madness.

Ep 7 (Jun 12)

I watched less than 3 minutes of this during lunch and then went to take a little nap and now I'll finish this ep and then go to sleep. I'm just a sleepy guy

and she's gone, the result of Kim Sae Ron's DUI

ah, time-skipped to a healed Woojin

the young girl assigning who's gonna take the top bunk after taking a look at them is so T.T funny

fuckass Junmin lives but the knifers and Mr. Choi are dead how is that fairrrrrrr

I'd be more empathetic toward this man's heartbreak at Mr. Choi's death if he wasn't sleezy toward the woman earlier like yeah fucker, get scammed

I'd be more empathetic toward this character if it wasn't played by fuckass Siwon

won't yall get alcohol poisoning

idk if I'm supposed to be suspecting people of double-crossing or not like people give up info when interrogated but what if it's like Minbeom's brother in law is actually working for Myeong-gil or something, y'know?

Myeong-gil could just use data but sure yep, wifi

did he actually delete some instances of the video or no?

damn, they really did manage to destroy the hard drive just like that? would there not be backups?

are we supposed to know who Myeong-gil called at the end at the serious crimes division? somebody surprising?

I know what people mean by it's a different tone because this is less action-based and more like the shows I usually watch with the planning and secretly attacking rather than fights.

Ep 8 (Jun 13)

bruh ofc the first cop that the brother-in-law would tell about getting the list of victims would be in Myeong-gil's palm

oh fuck they found the place Mr. Choi's friend lived where Geonwoo and Woojin also lived for a bit?

fucking dark ass fight, can't see shit

bruh bad cop good a good view

oh my god they got the whole detective trio?

bro so the 2 male cops survived and my poor girl just straight up got ran over and died rip

oh i see she's in a coma

so we just won't know how they caught the sell-out cop? or we're just supposed to assume they got some info from the fish farm lol

why the fuck did you yell Myeong-gil's name, are you dumb

and then also dropped the knife? you dumb?

and Woojin had also dropped the taser? fr?

you're literally trying to just fuck up the man who killed and ruined hundreds and thousands of people, fuck your "I've become a bloodhound" i need you to straight up kill Myeong-gil or call the cops right now at least tf

well at least keep a couple gold bars for yourself too because you're the poor people who are supposed to be helped too btw lol

siwon playing a fuckass sympathetic kind character is so agh ew also why give him all the money to improve their company image or whatever agh rich ppl like why would you trust a cocky chaebol kid?

well at least they do get 2 gold bars = 1B won = ~1M USD each

Overall:

Good enough, especially the heart of episode 6 but not something I'll be thinking about at all. The characters didn't resonate a whole lot, this focused a lot on just fighting scenes (more than like strategizing, being clever, etc, which is usually what I'm a fan of), the defeat of the villains wasn't really satisfying at all - especially with how cruel episode 6 went down. Also, I don’t ship Geonwoo and Woojin, sadly.

Rating: 6.5/10

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Scattered Thoughts Before

It was roughly one year ago. I had the worst mental breakdown of my life. No one was hiring me despite the apparent teacher shortage, I felt like I was wasting time by not doing anything worthwhile, and in therapy, the first time I had ever gone, my therapist forced me to come to some hard truths. She made me realize that I had put up walls in order to protect myself. She made me realize so much of my self-esteem was tied to my cousin who is off living her own life. But that same session she told me that all I ever do when I go in there is talk about travel and writing, so I needed to start doing it. So what if I had no one to go with? I could go by myself.

I wanted to tell my cousin, my best friend when I saw her that weekend that I was finally going to do it--I was planning on going to Europe next Summer, now. I thought maybe a little naively she may want to go with me. She showed me a picture on her phone. She was pregnant. This isn't going to be a flattering part of my story but I have to write it down because it's my truth. I went to the bathroom, and I cried. Violently. Here I was, couldn't find a job, just knew I was never going to be able to meet anyone, and there was best friend, off making her own life and moving on while I was shut out. I hated every fat, wet tear I shed that day and I despised myself for them, and that made it all the worse. I couldn't even tell my cousin, K, that I was making one of my biggest dreams a reality. I was asked if I was excited to be an aunt. I thought I'd be a shitty aunt. I said no. Being an aunt terrified me. My aunt, my cousin's step-mom, found out--and what proceeded was a month long battle with my aunt, (cousin's step mom) who called me all sorts of vile names.

Later on in therapy I discussed what happened, and my therapist made me realize my reaction was rooted in my issues with self-esteem, and that because of the history I had with my cousin, K. I had dreams for us once, because when we were kids we talked about traveling and having kids together, and they all ended when she married her long-term boyfriend and I remained alone and no one was taking me along in the ride called life. But my therapist told me that was alright. I could go make new dreams.

Sometime later I talked to K, and while my therapist said fences may not have been fully mended, something I knew, it was alright. I booked my trip, the one I'm about to leave for today. I got a job. I struggled in that job, but I got better thanks to some people beautiful people I met. My friend from grad school, M, started going out with me a little more. One day we talked late into the night about everything. I told her everything I never felt comfortable telling K--all my crazy fandoms and hyperfixations and fanfiction. I told her about my novel I started when I was 18 that I had to put on hiatus because I didn't think I was good enough yet. I became a really good teacher. I became a lot of kids cool aunts. I saw K once and it was awkward. She called me once when I was at the Ren Fair with M to see how I was, (after I saw some photos she was in town with some of her bridesmaids, refraining from inviting me) My aunt in Hawaii asked me to come to the Merrie Monarch festival in Hawaii to see my cousin dance the hula. It was transcendental. I got to hang out with cousin I, who told me when I was at the airport after that she missed me already. I cried. No one had ever told me something like that before. Tiny miracles wove themselves together, unlike before were I felt like it was all tiny misfortunes. Then, one day in March, myself unable to let go of the tiny threads of inspiration that had been weaving together in my brain, I went back to my story I started when I was eighteen. A surer writer now, not as clumsy and inelegant with words. I made my leading lady Hawaiian, because I'm not so ashamed of it anymore. I spent the whole weekend editing my draft to give to M, because I want her to read it. For the first time, I don't keep my writing guarded. I want to boast and brag. And today, I will be away. The dream I had for myself when I was 12, to travel Europe because I loved Samantha Brown on my TV, is coming true.

For the first time in my life, I think I feel really and truly renewed. I feel like a beautiful woman, off to have an adventure, both outwardly and inwardly as I continue to write and continue to be.

Things were lost, things were gained. Such is life. I did it.

[radioactivepeasant]

Fic Prompts: Free Day Thursday

(Everybody Lives au)

Tenko was up to something. He may have thought he was being subtle, but it was starting to be almost embarrassingly obvious that something was afoot.

At first, Izuku had thought it might be quirk related, and just let him be. Having a half finished AFO copy came with troubles of its own. Sometimes, when Tenko was at capacity for quirk storage, he had to isolate a little bit. Hana had explained it as his body trying so hard to offload one of the six quirks that he had to make sure he didnt accidentally give a random student something they didn't need.

But...when Tenko was having quirk problems, usually he told Izuku, or All Might, or Nana, or Hana. Whatever was going on now, he seemed to be spending all his time down in the Support Course workrooms. Ochako had reported that she saw him stealing Melissa from her Support Gear debates with Hatsume Mei to help him with something. Melissa had seemed to know exactly what he meant.

"I guess it wouldn't seem so weird if he wasn't avoiding me," Izuku admitted to Tenya after the third week of Tenko Weirdness. "I don't think I made him mad, because he still grins at me when he sees me, and not like Kacchan smiles because Kacchan smiles kinda like chimpanzees do it means he's about to attack but I didn't learn that until I was like eight but that doesn't matter because we're not talking about Kacchan we're talking about Tenko and-"

Tenya waved a hand stiffly to get Izuku's attention before he could spiral into too much worry. He offered a reassuring smile.

"I wouldn't worry too much. Perhaps he is merely very busy right now. Whatever he's working on in Support, he may not want you or anyone else not involved to know about it until he's satisfied with the end result."

Izuku fidgeted. "Yeah...I guess you're right. I just got used to him wanting to hang out after school."

"He and Hana quite serious about their involvement in your life, I think," Tenya mused, "It reminds me of my older brother sometimes. I'm sure when he has time, he'll be able to talk again."

The first person to directly confirm that something was weird was, as it happened, All Might. Izuku found him standing in the hallway with an odd expression on his face. Tenko was already to the stairs, snickering faintly.

"Was that Tenko?" Izuku asked, coming to stand next to his mentor.

"Uh-huh," Toshinori said, a little distracted. He shook his head. "That boy's up to something."

Izuku blinked. "You think so, too?"

With a helpless gesture, Toshinori answered, "Well, he told me to my face, "I'm up to something", so that's a pretty good indicator I'd say. He seems proud of it, whatever the something is."

Tenko had a weird sense of humor.

The second person to directly confirm his suspicions was Hana. She'd just come off a patrol -- she hated having to start over at sidekick level when she didn't know any of the local heroes -- and had caught Tenko sneaking out of the dorms. Her loud "And where are you going?" had drawn Izuku and Ochako's attention away from dish duty to see "Izuku's weird cousin" halfway out the first floor window.

"I'm going to Nunya," Tenko had answered.

"Oh gimme a break," Hana scoffed, just as Ochako had innocently asked "Nunya?"

"Nunya business!" Tenko hooted gleefully, and vanished out the window.

Hana had shaken her head in annoyance and flopped down on the couch. "Brat couldn't be more suspicious if he'd put on a trenchcoat and started playing the Pink Panther theme everywhere he went."

[[MORE]]

It wasn't until the middle of the month that Izuku finally found out what his "cousin" had been doing. With all the training and preparations, Izuku had sort of forgotten that his birthday was so close. Somewhere in the back of his mind, sure, he knew he was going to be sixteen very very soon. But it didn't register to him as particularly important. Nobody would really notice except maybe All Might. Same as always.

Until he couldn't get out of his dorm room on the weekend of the 15th, because someone had strung red, white, and blue streamers from one side of the door frame to the other. The tape holding them in place was definitely Sero's, but Izuku was fairly certain the glittery banners looked like something Aoyama would make.

The glitter that got stuck in his hair all but confirmed Aoyama's involvement.

Was it a prank? Izuku couldn't think of anything that would have warranted the beginning of a prank war. Aizawa hated those.

When he got downstairs, he found about half of his classmates waiting for him with expectant grins.

And All Might.

And Tenko.

And Hana.

And Melissa?

And Nana?

And his mom!

"Happy birthday, Deku!" Ochako yelled, startling him.

"You guys...actually remembered what day that is?" Izuku sputtered when he managed to find his voice.

"Uh, we've only been plotting for like, weeks," Kaminari scoffed, "I don't forget stuff that quickly!"

Tenya took off his glasses and looked apologetic. "I hope you can excuse the way I deliberately withheld information from you," he said solemnly, "I was asked not to spoil the surprise."

Shouto looked as confused as Izuku. "I didn't know if I was supposed to say anything. I don't know how these things work."

It took some effort not to flood the room with tears. Tears were still shed, but a more human amount. Ochako and Hagakure all but dragged Izuku to one of the couches in front of the television, clearly excited.

"We told Mr. Aizawa we wanted to do something for your birthday, so he said we could have a party if we didn't make a mess!" Hagakure explained. "We don't have cake yet, but that's cuz Sato wants to go shopping first because somebody ate all the frosting."

Tokoyami glared from the kitchen. "I will not be blamed for things that Dark Shadow allegedly did when I was sleeping."

"Mmmmm, frosting!" Dark Shadow crowed, completely unrepentant.

"You are a disgrace," Tokoyami told his quirk.

"But full of frosting!"

Izuku couldn't help but laugh. Sometimes, Dark Shadow was a menace.

"So cake has to wait, and some presents can wait until cake," Toshinori said as he came to sit down on an adjacent couch, "But Melissa and Tenko didn't want to wait to give you their gift."

Izuku was floored. His friends not only remembered his birthday, they wanted to give him a gift?! He vowed to find out exactly what they wanted for their birthdays so he could repay their kindness someday.

"Is this why you keep sneaking off to Support?" Izuku asked before he could stop himself.

Tenko looked enormously pleased with himself. "Yes! Sneaky birthday business was underway." He dug through the pockets of his trenchcoat and came up with a game box. It looked like one of the Final Fantasy games that Izuku owned, but with a slightly different box cover.

"Fair warning," Tenko said as he handed the box to Izuku, "Melissa and I definitely voided this thing's warranty with the kind of mods we squeezed in there. So this is a one of a kind copy."

Melissa made a face from where she sat with Nana. "I just did the mechanical parts. He did all the programming."

Clearly, they meant for him to try it out right then and there. It took a moment to find the controller and get the tv set up, but soon enough the title screen for Final Fantasy XII came up. An option had been added to the menu in font that didn't quite match saying, "Costumes Mod".

He didn't quite know what to expect when he chose it. But then a screen full of every costume All Might had ever worn appeared. Some were locked, suggesting there were actually quests or tasks he would have to complete to get them. The ones available fit every character except Fran, though admittedly some characters looked better in the costumes than others.

Izuku turned to stare at Tenko. "You...made this?"

The Shigaraki doppelganger smirked. "You should see my other mods. I made one when I was in high school where you can make the whole party cactuars. Totally broke the cutscenes." He drooped slightly. "Of course, that mod when up in smoke with the rest of my timeline, but I could probably recreate it eventually."

He leaned over the back of the couch to tousle Izuku's hair. "Happy birthday, squirt."

Tenko pulled away and glanced at his hand. "What the- is that glitter?"

Aoyama looked away and whistled innocently.

[terresdebrume]

I think it's time I left Cambodia

I've been here for over five years, and I liked them, I like the life I have here...but I think it's time I really started thinking about leaving.

In the past three years, three of my family members have died. I didn't go to their funerals because it would have been too expensive and/or long to do so. I may not be able to attend my father's 60th birthday celebrations (whatever they are) because if I get the job I want, I'll have no holiday in February so going home will be impossible.

My cousin became a pro basketball player this year, and I couldn't be there to celebrate. My friends' lives are changing and I'm not here to see it. What if my sister and her boyfriend of seven years (or is it eight by now?) get married and I can't go?

I like living in a warmer climate but Spain also has a warmer climate than France and I'd be able to go home for a weekend if a big occasion called for it.

Besides... I'm tired of the difficulties caused by cultural differences, by my inability to speak Khmer, by the administration trying very hard to wring every dollar they can out of foreigner in every circumstances.

I know the first is inevitable, I just don't have much patience left for it anymore. I'm not rude to people, not by my standards at least, but some of these things make me irrationally angry in a way I really don't like.

I know the second is my own fault, it's not like I haven't had time to actually learn Khmer. The anxiety didn't help for sure, but still.

The third one is honestly a product of corruption and bribery being extremely commonplace, and there's not much I can do about it, but it's so fucking annoying. I have friends who've been trying to register a business since September, no success. I've been told if I wanted to be an independent teacher here and stay within the law, i should expect the procedures to last at least six months, with help from people who do speak and read Khmer. I honestly don't have the strength or motivation for that. Also, last month I got racketed by the police twice--I don't take the large avenues anymore because I'm tired of giving money to people who aren't even trying to pretend they're doing their job and just taking me for a rube.

I'm not even trying to diss Cambodian people there, because a lot of them are very kind, and I've certainly had more instances of random people offering me help here than I would expect in France ! Just this morning, I pushed my scooter to the garage. A man offered to put it on his carriage -I refused because my inability to communicate stresses me out, but it did make my morning better. After that, a customer at the garage stayed to translate what needed to be done with the scooter because he was comfortable in English. He wasn't even waiting on his repairs anymore!

And like, these are not rare things. People here have been consistently kind with me for the vast majority--and even the things that annoy me (the corruption, the tendency to double or even sometimes quadruple prices for foreigners) I get where they come from, and I think the majority of people do their best to survive.

I just don't have the patience for it anymore. I find it irritating and tiring, and adding on top of that that the type of job I'm looking for has little chance of getting me contracts shorted than 40h a week (with 25 hours of teaching plus prep, plus plus plus...okay I'm also tired about the general expectations for teachers, it doesn't help).

And in a more general sense...I feel like when it's been almost six years since you moved somewhere, you either start seriously considering putting down roots or you admit you don't want to stay long term and see about going somewhere else. And I don't want to live in Cambodia my whole life. I don't want to be here when, i don't know, my sister starts having kids, or my cousins get married, or my maternal grandparents die.

I have friends here whom I'll miss terribly, and I'll definitely miss the comfort of my life in Phnom Penh. But I also want things that aren't possible here, like actually owning a house or a flat someday, for example. Or transitioning. Or other things like that.

So. We'll see if I can get the job I want at the school I'm working at right now--i'll also apply to other schools for next year. If I do, I'll stay for one more year (without going to France bc I'd be terrified of getting stuck there with the cats still in Cambodia) and leave in the summer of 2023.

If they don't, well. My visa will expire at the end of December, and so will this chapter of my life I guess.

[thestorytellersapprentice]

Why Do-yeok

I cannot believe I'm writing another one of this "Why" post. I thought it's a one-time thing with Love Alarm... But, here I am. Maybe because just like the previously mentioned Netflix series, Nevertheless causes huge discourse among its viewers. Team Potato and Team Butterfly. Jae-eon and Do-hyeok. Sanctuary or the gravitational pull.

And first off, an important note: my intention by writing this is not to seek any debate with anyone. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, so here's mine. Feel free to read it or definitely not to read it if you're firmly on Jae-eon's corner and you can't imagine Na-bi with anyone else but him. I just want to sort out my thoughts simultaneously through writing this. And this is gonna be a bit long, I suppose.

So, as the title already declares, I'm Team Potato all the way. And, yep, this means I'm thoroughly on Do-hyeok's side and I want him to be happy because he deserves it. (Still need to see what's in store in the final episode, but I'm perfectly okay with an open ending: Na-bi ends up not choosing anyone but herself, as long as her friendship with Do-hyeok remains intact.)

And this comes down simply because of who Yang Do-hyeok is as a person.

If Do-hyeok is real, then you can bet that I'll date him myself too. At the very least, I'd definitely like to be friends with him.

Why?

Because....

One. His whole vibe is just so....warm and comfortable. We often see Do-hyeok's cheerful sides. He smiles a lot (and boy, Chae Jong-hyeop's smiles are just so endearing, but we're talking about the character here. Ahem.) He's attentive, thoughtful, and open. And he's not only like this with Na-bi. He, by nature, is a very friendly person, as you can see from his interaction with Do-yeon, his cousin, also with Na-bi's friends and the hyeongs in the noodle restaurant that he works at.

And I like it a lot that even just after Do-hyeok confesses to Na-bi and she turns him down, the very next day, they're able to speak with each other normally and just talk about his videos and how she'll watch them and give him feedback. That night, Na-bi also answers his call with a smile on her face. They joke around and not even stopping after Do-hyeok throws her some arguably-cringey-lines (if uttered by other guys and not handled properly). Clearly, Na-bi's very on ease and comfortable with and around him despite everything that has happened.

She even says this on her own: "And most of all, I feel comfortable when I'm with him."

Two. With Do-hyeok, the communication is sterling. Honesty and communication is also very important in a healthy relationship. Your partner isn't a mind reader, so you gotta tell her/him what you feel and think about, especially when you're having a hard time, so you both can work on it together. And our potato guy is the perfect example of openness and honesty.

Even when he's having a hard time, he doesn't lash out (unlike a certain someone), but he communicates it clearly to Na-bi: "I saw you and Park Jae-eon going into your house together. I know I said that I could wait for you as long as it takes. But I felt so jealous."

Do-hyeok also casually throwing lines like: "It's nice to hear your voice. The whole neighborhood seems empty without you." which can be really cringey, but hearing these with Chae Jong-hyeop's delivery = it's just Do-hyeok openly sharing his thoughts. And, again, he's not just like this with Na-bi. That's just the way he is. He openly states his concerns and thoughts to people close to him.

After her first disaster relationship and Jae-eon (who's a master deflector on all personal questions and is truly opaque), IMO someone like Do-hyeok is what Na-bi needs. With Do-hyeok, she never has to guess where she stands. And Na-bi responds to his openness accordingly. She shares her worries and not-so-good moments ("I was spacing out because the critique went badly. I got scolded. This semester is really the worst. I didn't get accepted to the exchange program as well.") And of course, Do-hyeok responds by reassuring and encouraging her.

Three. They begin as friends. Childhood friends, even. And while some may point out that she friend-zones him, I beg to differ. The expression on Na-bi's face when she first sees Do-yeon and hasn't recognizes her is not the expression of someone who sees her just-platonic-friend conversing with a girl. You can practically see the gears in her head turning and she suddenly looks unsure: "Who is that girl talking to Do-hyeok?"

But anyway, iIluminatedquill has written here and here what I want to say and more, so I won't add any more here, other than this: it's my own personal preference as well. I'm just more drawn to romantic relationships which also evolve from friendship. I feel that lust will only get you so far, and the companionship aspect is what makes it long-lasting. (Even in my personal life, my boyfriend is not only my boyfie, he's my friend and partner in crime also.)

Four. Do-hyeok has good and normal relationships with his family. He obviously has good relationship with his Grandpa (judging from the way he's reviving his Grandpa's noodle place until his Grandpa feels better) and is close with his cousin, Do-yeon. While this is based on what's been shown and even though we never see or hear about his parents, I think it's safe to say that Do-hyeok most probably grows up in a loving family and he carries their values with him as he approaches his relationships with people as an adult.

Again, this is mostly personal preference, but as someone who highly value family, for me this is another point for Do-hyeok. I'm not saying that someone with dysfunctional family cannot form loving relationships, but it's what one aspires for.

Do-hyeok cares for people. He takes care of them (e.g. voicing concerns over Do-yeon's plastered hand, preparing umbrella and coffee for Na-bi, etc etc). And, sadly, Jae-eon's distant family background just makes him even more detached and non-committal towards people.

As for Na-bi, she wants to learn from her mother and not following in her footsteps. "I promise myself I would never date while watching my mom." It's heavily implied (and is practically confirmed by her aunt) that her mother dates around as well, and from the one scene we're shown during her birthday weekend, she always feels like her mother neglects her and she's upset about it. So, yeah, Na-bi wants to live differently, and it's clear who's a natural at it already.

Five. I can see them growing together. Yeah, Na-bi's mostly the one who needs to sort out her life, but she also can be a good influence to Do-hyeok. She gives him feedback on his videos (as an example) and he builds upon that.

From Na-bi herself: "I don't want to ever disappoint Do-hyeok." She sees him as such a good guy and always receives things from him. I interpret her line here as her desire to improve herself, to be better. And that's how a good relationship should be, right? It brings out the best out of each other.

That's it from me for now.

I guess some of the points up there can be different priorities for different people, and that's okay. As I've said at the beginning of this post, this is all mine, so feel free to disagree.

To me, Jae-eon is like this very strong gravitational pull: he's sexy, mysterious and very alluring, yet he displays oh-so-many red flags. It's all such a rollercoaster ride with him: very fun and thrilling, yet can also cause you extreme dread.

While Do-hyeok is like a sanctuary. He represents safety, stability and ease. With him, it's like strolling on a park somewhere under the sunshine: things feel warm, pleasant, and cozy.

Na-bi probably still feels the gravitational force of Jae-eon. It's hard to shake off completely on such a short span of time, but I hope she remembers that just like her namesake, she always have her own strength to fly and defy gravity.

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx

[colour-outside-the-liness]

First of all, I'm glad you didn't just drop your whole birth chart here, cuz that's kinda dangerous (??) in a way that is very personal haha personal information about you. So I'm sorry for even asking for it. Idk people might want to use that information against you in wtever way, so it's best to keep it to yourself really lol. (I know it sounds ridiculous but best be safe than sorry).

Second of all I think taurus people are very interesting, I feel like there's an air of "don't really care if you think I'm living my life wrong" about yall that is very alluring. All earth signs (virg, taur, cap) are like that tbh but yall are kind hard to reach I think, like it takes some effort to really get to know you. So I think that's why you might think that people don't usually have a formed opinion when you tell them you're a taurus. I feel very drawn to earth signs but yall always break my heart and vice versa lol, like that compatability bs is kinda real (I'm a saggitarius btw and apparently earth and fire do not mix well). And the whole good and bad thing, well we all have light and shadow sides, doesn't mean we're inherently good or bad. And I have to say it's totally fitting that you're a taurus and are not that into astrology or know much about it bc earth signs are most of the time the ones who say star signs are bs and not real or just generally don't care about it lol.

And then your moon (which is your more vulnerable side, emotions and how you navigate that) in taurus might tell us that your pretty like chill and a bit passive. Just down-to-earth and likes the secure and stable aspects of life. Your gemini placements might stir things up at times lol but generally you have like a fixed energy. And like I said before, you enjoy the good things and take pleasure in just relaxing (don't think there's anything wrong with seeking pleasure and enjoying that, that's one of the things I like most about yall).

Ah gemini rising! Sounds like you're a fun one. Your ascendent is how people perceive you so if you're at a party right, people might look at you and say that you're talkative, curious, can talk about anything really like you have many different interests and is very smart and witty. Thing about gemini placements is the duality of your mind, people say Geminis have like a split personality cuz they tend to have like opposite desires (like wanting to socialize and to be alone at the same time). But I personally think that people just don't understand how complex humans can be haha anyway I absolutely adore geminis, it's one of my favourite signs. Sorry if this sounds really general but I'd have to know more about your houses (not hp houses hehe) to be more specific.

Sorry for the uh delayed response, I got my second dose yesterday and I've been just really poorly as it purges all the sickness in me lol. Hope you're doing well and enjoying your weekend!

No don't apologise about that I'm a pretty open person like I wouldn't even think something like that would be personal about me like I said I really don't understand start signs so would've never thought someone could use my chart against me... I'm really hopeless when it comes to things like this but I find it all so interesting and always want to know more about what my chart says about me... like I said when I show people around me my chart it's always the same "Ahh yeah makes sense" and then they never tell me why it makes sense, I have a cousin that's really into this and we both once got talking about the co-sign app and she told me a little about stuff but not much all I know is I have a lot of repeat signs in my chart but I would've never thought people could use this information against me at all but thanks for the warning I appreciate that!! I think what you've said about taurus here is really fitting for me I do have a "I don't care if you think I'm living my life wrong" air to me because my life is my life and if I'm happy and not outwardly hurting anyone then to me I'm living my life right (I have one sibling who likes to judge my life a little but I really don't care what she thinks)... I get along with some fire signs easy enough my ex was an Aries and we actually got along really well and are still friends now and my best friend (my roommate) is a Sagittarius and so is one of my sister's and I get along with her so well... I am sorry that earth signs always break your heart or vice versa... I've heard Earth and Fire signs don't mix and that for Earth signs other Earth signs or Water signs are better- don't know how true this is maybe you can confirm or deny that? Honestly you saying this does make sense for my moon being in taurus I am a pretty chilled person and I do just like things to be secure... I'd like to think I'm down to earth and quite passive but I am sure the people that know me in life would be able to confirm this better than I can I do enjoy good things and take a lot of pleasure in them and I have no shame in saying what I enjoy and what I like and when I like something it's usually in excess but I'm fine with this. Again my rising sign makes sense when you explain what that means, I am a very curious person and will talk to people about anything. My roommate is always shocked because anytime we go anywhere... concerts, clubs, plays, anything I will always leave with new friends because I will talk to anyone about anything no matter where I am... I don't know about being smart or witty but I would like to think I am haha Yeah I have heard the split personality thing about gemini and that's something my cousin and my sisters that are really into it commented on when they saw my signs and that's why I was a but unsure about having this sign in my big 3 but seeing what you've written here about it that makes sense and I am fine with it and it's great to see someone say it's one of their favourites because that never happens really haha Well like I said I'm happy to tell people any of my signs in my chart I didn't realise it was dangerous to do so but I would be very interested to know what all of it means haha Oh no I hope you feel better soon!! I know my first one made me so ill... I had the Astra Zeneca one before people found out it was dangerous to give to people under a certain age so that was fun when all the news broke about that Really hope you start to feel better soon and that you're able to enjoy what's left of your weekend!! I'm doing great thank you and so far can't complain about my weekend it's been a nice relaxing one ☺️

[kyunsies]

MADCH MADCH <3

hello fam - I've had a weird day, I'm super happy I can take the time out to reply to you. always thinking of you though, I hope you're always having a great day. today's been a bit of a non day - a family member has to deal with operations and that's on top of me too so i've just felt a bit winded in life?

YES to you finally conquering that damn cold! do you feel properly replenished now? omg i hate sore throats too - okay i hope this doesn't give you nightmares but when i was a kid i saw a documentary about this terrible disease that manifests at its worst a bit like alzhemiers but it can hit anyone of any age and for the majority of people who get it... one of the first symptoms is a sore throat and i have literally lived in terror of sore throats ever since. but luckily it's a very rare disease. so basically, yes, i understand you.

OMG you know when you're like eight and you don't want to sleep and you're like no i will adult and stay up and it will be glorious - i'm like, CHILD YOU FOOL you could have gone to sleep XD and ugh no responsibilities?! i remember working most of the time when i was a kid and i kind of wish i had wreaked havoc? what was your childhood like? did you get to do lots of fun stuff? i know my mum wishes she had been able to spend more time with me when i was a kid and i'd like to have a family and i'd love her to be able to relax and just spend time with her grandkids? OMG well when you come to europe let me know and then i can show you around and give you a hug in person!

so we're mainly cofe here though cahtolic culture is still big and honestly i'm with you. like religion can be a great influence on you if it's not used in nefarious ways and can help you learn so much - like even if there are things you don't end up agreeing with at least you learn about then so you can make a choice for yourself as opposed to not really knowing anything? agree - people that are really boastful totally put me off, i just can't deal with it at all. but you're right, like it makes us so so hard to forgive ourselves for anything right? like, even if we've done nothing wrong and we shouldn't have to punish ourselves? like i swear i'm apologising for everything haha XD once someone pushed me off the tube and i ended up apologising like ON REFLEX? hasjdkahds XD but i really hope you have people around you that keep bigging you up too! if not i will keep bigging you up :D :D so you know that you are worth it.

i'm sorry you're not looking forward to your final year of uni! think you're almost there though - like this is the final stretch and you'll have like conquered everest you know?! and even if your landing at the end of it isn't as perfect the fact you landed at all means so much and that means you can stand up again and keep going! day at a time and moment at a time you know? i kind of had this moment today (hence my wierd day) when i was worry about everything and i literally sat there like - have i made the right choice and done the right thing and surely i've made the wrong choices in my life and do i actually have any talent cause if not people would actually like my stuff and i had to just be like... a moment at a time sometimes you know? like, just bit by bit and don't sweat the stuff you don't have to? idk i find it hard to do but i hope that helps you - like you'll surmount every little thing bit by bit and before you know it you'll have made it! you were born ready you were <3 <3

TINY SQUAD IS GO! the pant dilemma is truly a massive issue, like IDK how to deal OMG OK SO LAMPSHADING is like when you do big baggy like tops and then like leggings or tights or something skinny on the bottom so... you look like a lampshade? like i guess it makes you look cute and then also it's such an easy way to dress without worrying if you look like a kid that's wearing your mum's clothes?? ahsdjakdhsa XD

AHHHH YES BASIL ME TOO!! what scent did you end up buying? i'm sure it was lush - are your parents near you or is it like a massive special occassion to get to see them? YES agree with your take on musk though! like it feels like idk, something a 50 year old with a cigar in a stuffy country club would wear? like, there's no energy to it but not in a chill mellow way either??! like even if i was going to a dinner thing I would still rather not wear something musky? like i'd still rather it be something a bit sweeter? also like some musk perfumes can be SO STRONG? like i'm like - my nose is choking on this perfume XD

YES BLUE MOON SQUAD AAAAA it is literally one of their finest ever, it's always stayed on my top faves list by them. like ugh yes to the lofi stuff sometimes i just wanna VIBE and be in my feels but not so much i'm too angsty but enough that I'm FEELING feels ya know? what did you think of kiss or death? it really wasn't that kind of vibe but yh i hope they do more lofi jazzy stuff - also cause like not a lot of korean groups play with that sound a lot?

hello mädch's mom as always! nerer apologise for being late, always just happy to hear from you and i hope you are super super well and looking after yourself first and foremost! more than anything <3 (also i take ages to reply too ya know and omg this is so so long ahsdjakhdaskjdh)

love you lots and lots and lots xxxxxxxxxxxx

ANGEL ANGEL !!!!!!!! <3 i know i'm really late to this LKDFJS i've had such a busy week getting some overtime in and then visiting my grandparents' house so i didn't really have a lot of energy to reply to all of this BUT IM HERE AND i can finally give u a good response <3

firstly is your family member okay??? i hope so ;____; how was the rest of your week, and how was your weekend angel? i hope u were able to enjoy your weekend and that everything is okay in the family <3

but YEAH my mom and i are over the stupid cold ;_____; i hate colds,,,, they last way too long lol like i say i know the flu is a little more serious than a cold but i would rather have it for a day or 2 than being stuck feeling lousy for a whole week :( ALSO SLDKFSJDFKLJ OH GOD SEE we are both hypochondriacs ( that's not the best trait to have as a nursing major lol ) but tbh i'm really curious about this rare disease ????? :o sounds really scary tho goodness gracious i wonder what it could be ;____;

also god i was always awful at staying up late as a kid LOL but i know what u mean !!!!!! honestly there was only one time i can recall i had a sleepover with my friend in like the 3rd grade and we tried pulling an all nighter so i think we made it to like 5am but i had to go to bed omg i felt like such garbage LKDSFJ </3 it's just funny bc like as u get older u realize that staying up late is really nothing special and if anything u feel like a train hit you the next morning and adults are so sleep deprived as it is we just *try* to prioritize sleep SLDKFJSDKLJF :') you worked a lot as a child bub?? what kind of things did you do? i didn't start working until i was 15 bc most places here don't allow u to work until this age (unless you're in a family business i guess lol) but all the jobs i had in high school i hated so much ;_____; but my childhood? i would say it was relatively normal LOL like we say all the time i've had a single mom so life was really stressful for her but i always felt loved <3 i always had my mom <3 and we took trips to the beach with my family every year, it was our little tradition !! i went to san diego to visit disney, you know little trips here and there !! and then when i got into my sport and i started getting older my mom and i spent a lot of time and money investing into my sport so most of my weekends consisted of a lot of tournaments and driving far away for me to compete :') i do remember when i was really young like in kindergarten my mom's work was really far away from my school and we had a recital ; i was the "host" where i would introduce all of the songs and stuff and my mom didn't get off of work until like 6 and by the time she made to my recital, it was over :( she told me she cried a lot that night :( i don't remember her doing this (i don't even remember the recital all that much lol) but now that i'm older and i understand more about adulting, i'm sure she was so devastated thinking about it now :( anyways about visiting europe LOL I WILL DEF GIVE U A CALL AND LET U KNOW SO U CAN SHOW ME ALL OF THE COOL PLACES <333333

and about the religion ....... yes ;____; i think it's a great thing if a family decide that they want to do this when they're families; i hope to continue to practice it (even tho we aren't regularly going to church at all hhhh gotta work on that) but there is something about catholic guilt specifically that just makes it soooo hard to like, be easy on yourself? but ,,,,,, i guess it keeps me grounded :( in a self depreciating way ??? LDSKFJ I KNOW U UNDERSTAND ... it's weird for me to put into words ;____; and YEAH :( i think i'm getting a little better at this but i used to apologize all the time for things i never needed to be sorry for hhhh (still do) :')

and yes babe honestly i'm really terrified to start uni :( i think i have this weird anxiety issue i've had it ever since last year but i don't know why i'm so scared and anxious about things that haven't even happened yet ;____; are u like this too? is it normal? i wish i knew :( i guess i won't really feel better until i have made it to graduation, but i just want to do well this year. whatever i do, whether it's exams, or clinical rotation or my preceptorship, i just want to do well ;____; i don't want to do poorly, i want to make my mom proud and i want to work at a place i'll be excited to work at, and most of all i just want everything to work out ,,,, i wish someone could just sit me down and say listen i know what you're going thru is hard but you CAN get thru this and EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS bc no one in my family is in the health sciences (besides my cousin who is studying to be a doctor but she doesn't give a shit about what i do lol) so ;_____; yeah ,,,,,,,,,,, lots of anxiety and apprehension of the unknown :(

LSDKFJSD FOKAY NOW I KNOW WHAT LAMPSHADING IS LMAOOOOOOOOOOO yes i wear those clothes on lazy days LOL the thing is i'm really picky about the length of my oversized crewneck sweaters hhhh the can't be too long bc if it goes below my butt i look like i'm wearing rags LOL so i have to be careful :') but most days i do like, reverse lamp shading lDLKFJSDLKFJ i like wearing flowy pants with a more tight top or like baggy jeans with a tighter shirt or a blouse i can tuck into my jeans LOL but omg its so funny i didn't know what that was :') thank u for the explanation my love <3

OKAY BUT HALF THE REASON I DIDN'T RESPOND IS THAT i was saving this weekend to go to the jo malone store in my mall and !!! I GOT A NEW SCENT AND I'M IN LOVE WITH IT SO MUCH BABE ;____; you have to go smell it if you go there soon and tell me what u think !!!!!! it's called wild bluebell (here is the scent description lol) but the guy behind the counter helping me was soooo amazing and helpful like they really do treat u the best at the store and AH i’m so happy with my purchase <3 my wallet isn’t so much LDSKFJ but nonetheless i know i’ll have it for a long time :)

KISS OR DEATH !!!!! i actually really enjoyed it lol i have seen some ppl not really like the rapping so much but i loved it ;____; i’m super biased obviously LOL but gosh i thought they were all great and minhyuk + hyungwon killed the song for me <333 wouldn’t expect anything less from our monstas !!!!! and my mom is sending her love lol i tell her the work u do and she’s always wondering how ur doing :(((( same for my moots she always asks me about 2 in particular LOL she’s always asking me <3 i love u so much bubbie !!!! iM SO SORRY FOR BEING LATE MY LOVE again i always just want to give u a quality response <3 i love u the absolute most and i hope u had a great weekend !!!!!!! this is my last week at work before i have a week long break before i head for uni so :’) can’t believe i’ve done all this LOL :’) i will be happy to hear from u whenever u come back hun !!!!! TAKE CARE LOVE U <3 

[flickerrhoran]

Surprise (Niall Horan One Shot)

Warning: none that just a lil of fluff.

Word count: 1,138

Author note: Hey! Thanks for the follow, and the feedback, I'd really appreciate every little heart and reblog I get 😊 now, enjoy this! 🍒

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻 this one dedicated to @onedirectionfan93nh 💜

You took your glasses off after heard that the passengers were able to take their seatbelts off after land in Brazil. you were just two hours away from home to Brazil. you planned a surprise for him because you haven't see him in months after you went back to your country to study and he starts his new album tour so it was such a great idea to you take a plane and flew over just to see him. He didn't know any of this , of course he had bring up the idea to you coming to his show, but your perfect excuse was that a big exam was coming so you will sadly stay the whole weekend studying.

You went out of the Rio's Airport after the check-in and so on. to find a crowd of Brazilians girls waiting for Niall . You were aware of what time he will land in Brazil because you had been talking with his cousin Willie, who was coming with him , he told you that Niall was really pissed and was planning on Land firstly in your hometown but luckily Willie stops him , telling him that he was already late for get ready.

You see that the girls start to scream and take pics, you freaked out.

"Hi! please don't! I beg you girls, I'm here to surprise Niall, if he see pics he will find out my surprise!" You tell them.

"But we can take selfies and after the show post them? I mean , we love you and we won't be posting any of these but we just want a pic,  please" one girl said.

"Of course love, but please post it after the show! it will be so nice coming from you all" they agreed and you start to take pics with them. they were nicely all the time, saying that you were the perfect girl for him

After half and a hour you took the car that will drive you to the hotel where he was staying, and his room number provided by Willie, who call and give orders to get you ready before they came to the hotel.

When you was all set up for his surprise, you find a message from him.

"Hey there doll, how r ya? 'm landin' in Brazil soon, want t ya bein' here"  you smiled because he didn't know that you were already there.

"Hi baby boy, I'm fine, well a bit sad because I couldn't make it to Brazil but I bet you will smash the concert! again I'm sorry, but this exam is really important 💔" you answered.

Almost the same time a message from Willie pop out "We are here, we will be in the hotel in 20 min. Get ready x"

You again, freaked out. you will be seeing your love after three months of being apart.

You switch off the lights ten minutes later, getting yourself in the couch with the box of beer and snacks you prepared to greet him.

"Don't wanna know Deo! 'm the shit tired. missin' me girl." you hear the screams outside

"But man! is 8 am! we have to go to check out some chicks in the beach! is warm!" Deo tried again.

"Not even a chance with me! 'm goin' t bed! get yourself some love I dunno care but 'm sleeping now. do not disturb me in 12 hours please. Willie, bro, if it is somethin' really important wake me up!" he said and you heard it closest because it was at the door already.

"No problem bro. I think the hotel has sended you some gift as a welcoming, enjoy it. see ya later" he said and a door shut.

"A gift? I wanna see, please Niall" Deo begs

"Fuck off ya Deo, see ya later" he said and open the door and shut it down very quickly.

"Fuck you Horan" he said behind

Niall burst out a laugh and scream "Love ya" and calm down to shut the lights.

You were all the time smiling, waiting for him to notice you.

He rubs his eyes, take off his backpack and look at you, saying a Hi and then went to the room

You shook your head in confusion, like... what the hell?

A few seconds later you were hit by a big body

"Oh my God petal you're here!!!" his accent all thick and harsh to understand.

"Woah! for a few seconds I thought you forget me or some" you smiled at him while he was cuddling you and kissing your whole face.

"'m sorry for that! too tired to even think ya would be here! 'm so happy now! missed ya a lot" he said again kissing you

"Aww baby, long flight? well I missed you too. that's why I came here, need to see you at least a weekend before the real exams starts" you said hugging him by the shoulders.

He didn't sleep that morning. you and Niall staying in the couch cuddling and talking about everything; his concerts, your university, and of course kissing some long times.

Niall was so happy that you've came that he took you to some Brazilian restaurant to get lunch and you told him about the girls that were waiting for him and took pics of you.

"Oh! now I get why they were giglin' about how happy i will get soon, I thought...well I didn't thought in nothing else than me bed bein' honest with ya" he laughs and take your hand.

"I'm sorry that you don't get any sleep because of me, we should nap a bit and then we can hang out somewhere in Rio" you propose.

"I'll take that. let's go" he said after paid.

The night was awesome, the weather lovely and you enjoyed the night with your lovely boy in the Brazilians streets. 

The next day you woke up with him hugging you tight. 

The goodbyes were sad as always. but he promised to send you somewhere soon to visit him as long as you can.

He kissed you and held you tight after your flight back were announced.

"Thank ya for this surprise love. 'm gonna miss ya a lot. love ya" he said looking at you.

"I love you my love" was all you managed to say before burst out some tears.

"Don't cry. I would cry too and ya won't want to me cry dontcha?" he said making you smile.

"I love you so much you jerk" you said again kissing him for last time.

"but only yours" he hugged you and let you go.

That night, in your house you saw the pics of you I Twitter all spread out , but you smiled after seeing Niall leaving the country very relaxed.

You will miss him.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Would it be okay if I vented for a second? I can't post this on my blog or anything bc my IRL friends follow me. I've had four best friends since middle school, and we're now all working or going to grad school. My friends are all engaged or about to get engaged, whereas I've been single since college - and dealing with some serious unrequited love that kept me from being able to date anyone else. I'm happy for my friends, I really am, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't lonely.

Oh Nonny. Goodness, I feel like this ask is from my past self.

While it’s bit different in my case (all my friends and my sister seem to be “moving forward” while I still remained work-focused and felt I haven’t really changed in the last 10 years), it’s still super-easy to feel like the world is passing you by while you remain stationary.

Here’s something I’ve had to come to terms with, and it’s made me happier once I did: YOU are not THEM. YOU move at YOUR OWN pace. You are not any less of a person just because you don’t have a family or a house or a job, etc. You are focused on your studies, and that’s commendable. Families aren’t for everyone; they require dedication, time and responsibility that not all of us can provide. Relationships require compatibility which you may not have found yet. Homes require jobs to maintain. Jobs require education and skills necessary for the field you are interested in. All of these are certainly goals to aspire for, so long as it’s what you want, and if you don’t, you’re not any less of a person (this point especially made me feel better once I came to terms with the fact that I don’t want kids and I was content being my own person). 

As I’ve mentioned before, you’re not SUPPOSED to have your life all sorted out. I get you; right this moment, as I write this, I am having a mini-crisis myself: “what’s the point?”. I have a good job, but I fear that my workaholic nature has caused me to now not have many friends or anything to look forward to. This got exacerbated one weekend when I went to a younger-cousin’s baby shower. It feels like some days, since I discovered who I am and what I want, loneliness and occasional S.A.D. become the demons I have to battle on an ongoing basis. But I carry on, for each new day I move closer to new goals I set for myself. Goals can be anything as large as saving for a trip to just surviving a day. 

As for the unrequited love, I feel you on that too, Lovely, I really do, but experience has taught me that if it’s unrequited, then it’s best to pick up and move on. It can be difficult, absolutely, and it can FUCKING HURT LIKE HELL but someone who can’t, doesn’t or won’t love you in return is NOT worth your love. You know who is worth it? Maybe the next person you meet, who you connect with better than the person you last had a crush on, or the person you meet 10 years down the road. 

I’m not trying to sound harsh, Lovely, but move on and focus on completing your education. The person you are pining after isn’t worth your affections. You can still be friends with them, but it will take time, and you’ll look back on it and laugh at yourself for ever pining after them (again, another personal experience: I pined HARD for I think at least 3 people but it never was returned ever; I look back and think “what the hell was I thinking??” and laugh at myself; now I am immensely happy that they have happy fulfilling lives, because children isn’t something I wouldn’t have ever been able to want to give to them). You may think RIGHT NOW you are regretful, but years down the road, you’ll be happy you changed your focus, I hope. Loneliness is inevitable, I’m afraid, but try joining groups at your school or in your community to meet new people, get to know classmates, join a team. A relationship isn’t the only way to curb loneliness; a circle of people you love and trust and genuinely enjoy spending time with can be just as fulfilling. And if you get along with your family, make time to see or Facetime them, catch up, or do things with them. I treasure any time I spend with my family, I really do, and it does help curb my own loneliness for awhile.

I hope for only the best for you, Lovely! *hugs*

[punkscowardschampions]

Band? Band.

Starring Ali, Caleb, Marlene, Ro, Drew and Meena

Ali: Okay, you band of misfits (spoilers), I've gathered you all here today to proposition each and every one of you Ali: Don't get too excited, but do, 'cos enthusiasm trumps talent which you all have in droves (sufficiently buttered? yeah? nah?) Ali: I think we should all jam Ali: Make something happen Ali: Who's in? Caleb: I'm feeling it Ali: ✊ Marlene: I'm busy with pussy worship Marlene: you two don't need me to make sweet music Ali: Not what I've heard on the grapevine or your statuses Lene Ali: We do, we do! You're the best bassist I know, not even a cop-out, I got the connections you know Ali: Think of it as practice for your real band if it makes you feel less guilty PLEASEEEEEEEEEE, full puppy dog eyes Marlene: sometimes the socials are the last to know. Don't have to tell you that Marlene: Those baby blues don't work on me I'm immune now Ali: Impossible! You, and that claim, gah! Well never mind then, offers still there for when you remember just how blue my eyes is/you are without me Marlene: ⛔🖕 Marlene: I'll take the credit when you write a song about it. No more Ro: I'm not really sure what I can bring to the table but say no more, anything you need, it's a given. Ali: You'll get groupie infamy and nothing more, deal with that injustice, Marianne had to FIGHT for those co-writer creds sweetie 💋 Ali: You're bringing those piano playing fingers of fury, duh! You and Meena could do AMAZING duets, I practically insist, my ears and 💚 needs the beauty Meena: I'm up for that! Sounds deadly! 😊 I'm nowhere near as skilled as Ro but I'm a willing pupil and know how to let someone else lead 😛 Ro: Well, if you insist, how can I refuse? Especially in the wake of Meena's enthusiasm (not to mention misplaced flattery) too Caleb: While we on the vibe of sick duets I've got some shit written Caleb: don't mind throwing it out for a practice sesh Ali: I bow at all your feet and throw 🌹s too Ali: Yay! Ali: We'll need that 'cos I'm not overly confident on anything I've got squirreled yet, need as many voices, lyrics and vibes as possible Ali: Speaking of, not added my brother but he'd be able to help when he's about, making sure its danceable and whatnot 'cos what is the point of a song you can't get down to, yeah? Ali: And Drew? Drew: If I get to spend more time with my little sis and you guys then of course Drew: Don't know what you'd want from me but I can suggest the perfect place to jam, as Caleb hasn't got in there fast enough (soz bro) Drew: The barn at ours would be perfect, no complaints and a big place that'd be easy to get right with the...acoustics? and stuff Caleb: ayyy my bad! My boy come thru tho Caleb: the barn'll be sweet Caleb: keep us fed too 👌 Ro: Such a good idea, Drew! As excited as I am I'd still rather not carry a keyboard everywhere Ro: Piano even less so, of course Drew: I'd like to say I got you but 💪 got my limits, sadly 😞 so much for being a gent Meena: Ugh, Drew, you dork! Going to make everyone feel sick 😂 Ro: It's sweet and I really appreciate the sentiment even if it can't be carried out. You have your moments of being a gentleman regardless Caleb: 😂😂 when we getting together then? Drew: 😌 you must inspire it in me Ali: Omg you've gotta secure Gus, babe! For the food and the tunes Ali: That would be sick, that said...what's everyone up to this weekend? Caleb: No drama 👍 Not a big ask he'll be living for this  ✌ Caleb: I can make Sunday work after ⛪ Ro: If we're saying afternoon that works for me too, the piano lessons I'm giving will be over with well before then Ali: I know, he loves me and this is all one big ploy to hang with him more and really cement that love tbh, soz lads Ali: I can do Sunday, its not gonna be so hardcore that the lord will be a hater 🙏👐 Meena: Hehe, what's more chill than a jam sesh? Lets do this 🤗 Caleb: He'll be vibing 👏 loves it when we raise the roof hitting those choir notes Drew: 👍 Ali: Hardly a choir boy, either of yous 😉 but ready to be impressed by your range 😏 Caleb: Don't be spreading that, tica, barn accoustics do be on point and my ma don't need to be catching on to that rep. Her boy be 👼 😇 don't trip Ali: 🤐 Secrets safe with me 🖖 scout's honour Caleb: 🙌 Drew: You guys are precious Ro: Agreed Meena: 💕 Caleb: 😂 Caleb: I got some cousins who'd be down for this, do I get them over or see how sunday be? Ali: The more the merrier as far as I'm concerned, if they're gonna need more to convince them than we'll have by then, tis your call baby Ali: Carry on the celebrating from Church, like Caleb: They'll be feeling it as things stand Caleb: It's chill Ali: Then come thru Cavantes Caleb: 🎊 Ro: We've got 2 music stands, I'm happy to bring them if someone is willing to help me fetch and carry Ali: Yes, you will need that help 'cos Mother would lose her shit if we came thru empty handed so I will have food stuffs to win the fam round Drew: I can help 😊 maybe we can do a coffee run beforehand Ro? Ro: Thanks so much Drew. That'd be great if you're sure you don't mind. I'll do some baking as well because Ali makes an excellent point and there'll be plenty of time whilst I'm babysitting Saturday night Caleb: Now we cooking fam! 👏 This is gonna be something I feel it Meena: Fun, fun! Not to be the creepy understudy that is seemingly trying to BECOME you but do you want any kid wrangling help, Ro? 'Cos It'd be time for us to get on the 'level' and just shameless catch up over fairycakes 😋 Drew: Its a date 💘 Ali: Yes, you see my vision peeps 🔮 Ro: I can't deny that instant appeal, but I do have to warn you Meena it's the Turners and their much awaited (by them at least) forth child has arrived! Hopefully that won't put you off entirely though because I'd honestly love that Meena Meena: 🙊 Ooh er! Bless them, not my faves but a baby is still a baby and babies are cute! Meena: Not the only one who can secure a date, Drew 😉 hehe Drew: 😳😝 Ali: Enough shameless flirting everyone, Lene will charge me for her wasted time lurking 😉 We know the plan, and I'll give you the addy should you decide you wanna find us, babe Ali: 💚💚💚 love y'all Meena: TTFN, see everyone Sunday, if not before! 💗 Drew: ✌ looking forward to it Ro: Me too. Slán go fóill! Caleb: Big love 💛 The hype is real ✌

[youspoketome]

MXPX - TEENAGE POLITICS (1995)

I once bought a bright orange and navy blue Superman t-shirt in a size XL simply because it existed. It's hard to believe in this day and age, when comic book shirts are everywhere and comic book movies are breaking records every other week, but there was a time when a Superman shirt, even one with stupid colors and two sizes too big, was really exciting.

So I think that explains why I was so shocked to see Tom from MxPx wearing a Superman t-shirt on the cover of 7 Ball.

7 Ball was a magazine that covered slightly more alternative Christian music than CCM (a magazine that literally named itself "Contemporary Christian Music Magazine"). Apparently they didn't have much (read: any) budget for photoshoots though, so when they decided to put MxPx on that fateful cover, they just used an image from their newest album ON THE COVER. I took that magazine home and without even hearing them, I immediately became hugely interested in MxPx.

That summer, my dad took me to Sonshine Music Festival, a fairly large, weekend long Christian music festival in Willmar, MN. I remember the biggest draw was Petra playing on the mainstage on Friday night (I had to skip a baseball tournament in order to make it to see them), but I was also incredibly excited that MxPx was playing. By this time I had at least heard their cover of "Summer Of '69" although I can't for the life of me recall how or where. I made it a high priority to be ready for them to play, to the point that my dad and I threw a frisbee back and forth during an entire Stavesacre set, just so we'd be at the proper stage when they were finished and it was MxPx's time.

I think my dad made it halfway through the first song.

Really though, good on him for trying. He waited through that entire Stavesacre set for this band of tattooed and pierced punk rock kids to play and he gave it a go. Then he told me he was going to check out the other stages and left me to rock out on my own. Well... As much as an awkward 13-year-old who has never actually heard the band playing can rock out.

Once the set was over I was determined to buy a CD. The trouble was, as I have mentioned, I was terrible at saving money and didn't have enough cash to afford anything from their merch table. That didn't deter me though, Northwestern Bookstore had a booth set up on the Sonshine grounds where they were selling CDs. I still couldn't afford TEENAGE POLITICS, but ON THE COVER was a shorter length cover album, so it was cheaper. I could be off on the details, but I think it was $8 and I had $6. I thought for sure I'd be able to borrow $2 from my dad for a CD, but had underestimated his distaste for my new favorite band. I went home empty-handed.

That still wasn't enough to get me to give up though. Around this time I had a subscription to Breakaway Magazine (or maybe it was still my older brother's subscription then. At some point his subscription just transferred over to me.) Breakaway was a Christian magazine for teenage boys that had a couple advice columns. One of those columns focused on relationships and life, and one was more about movies and music. Every month that second column basically consisted of variations of two questions: One: "Should I listen to (insert non-Christian band here)?" (Answer: no, unless that band was Genesis. For some reason,they were ok with WE CAN'T DANCE.) And two: "My parents won't let me listen to (insert Christian band here) because they rock too hard and my parents think anything that sounds like that must be evil." The answer to this one was always essentially "have them read the lyrics, and when they see what the band is singing about, your parents will come around!" So I borrowed a copy of TEENAGE POLITICS from one of my older brother's friends and supplied my parent's with the lyric sheet.

Breakaway was wrong.

Ok, quick theology aside (it's relevant, just bear with me). In Ephesians 2:8-9 Paul writes "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. (NASB)" Christianity is not intended to be a bunch of people following a bunch of rules, it's about having a relationship with Jesus Christ and accepting His sacrifice of His life for your sin. Yes, Christians should live in a way that will be pleasing to Him, but no amount of being good is going to get anyone into heaven. To live your life putting the emphasis on a list of things you can't do instead of on salvation through Jesus is called legalism.

My grandma had a lot of legalistic beliefs. For example, she wouldn't even play solitaire, because some people use playing cards for gambling. Which is why my parents didn't really love it when they they came across "legalistic people suck. Legalism makes me sick. I wonder what makes them tick. I want to go puke on it" in that lyric sheet.

And that dashed my hopes of buying an MxPx CD.

There were multiple repercussions to this ruling. First, I very much learned the wrong lesson from all this. I had gone through all the proper channels (learned of a band in a Christian magazine, saw them at a Christian music festival, followed a different Christian magazine's advice for winning parents over) and was still shot down. So shortly after this when I was at my friend Matt's house and he showed me a new band called Green Day who sounded "exactly like MxPx," I decided to skip the getting approval step altogether (Breakaway would eventually cover Green Day in one of those "don't listen to this non-Christian band" columns). I had another friend dub me a copy of DOOKIE onto a cassette and I listened to it strictly on headphones.

Secondly, I was introduced to Tooth & Nail Records. Perusing that Northwestern Bookstore booth at Sonshine was also my first exposure to Ghoti Hook, whose first album SUMO SURPRISE would end up being one of my next CD purchases. Shortly after that I obtained a T&N mail order catalogue, which I would go over and over and over again. Crux's FAILURE TO YIELD, Blenderhead's PRIME CANDIDATE FOR BURNOUT, TOOTH AND NAIL ROCK SAMPLER VOL. 1, and I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN VOL. 1, all T&N releases, were my next four purchases after that. Somewhere in there I also got a VHS tape of Tooth & Nail music videos. Up until this point, I was looking for that Forefront Records spine, but my brand loyalty changed allegiances to Tooth & Nail almost immediately. And would stay there for another 10-15 years.

I never would buy TEENAGE POLITICS. The two CDs I bought in between Ian and Ghoti Hook were NEVER SAY DINOSAUR, a tribute to Petra that featured your usual CCM bands like Audio Adrenaline and Jars of Clay, but also featured a cover by MxPx, and SELTZER, another CCM compilation that MxPx got thrown into. They were also featured on that music video compilation and I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN, so I snuck them in where I could. At some point in the next two years my cousin ended up with a copy of TEENAGE POLITICS, and was more interested in my copy of Geoff Moore and the Distance's HOMERUN. By that point I had already almost entirely abandoned my pre-T&N CD collection so it was a no brainier to make that trade. I think it ended up being one of those rare win/win trades. I think he still breaks out the Geoff Moore from time to time and TEENAGE POLITICS is still my favorite MxPx album to this day.