#my coworker saw me and he's like actually a gym going straight guy and I just can't

[an-onyx-void]

Does anyone else hate being seen at the gym, or is that just me?

[americasass91]

The Shield and the Sweater

Hello lovelies! This little fic came to me when the lovely, beautiful, talented @stargazingfangirl18​ asked a very important question on her blog. Would you rather be enemies to lovers with Steve Rogers or friends with benefits with Ransom Drysdale. Well my greedy ass wanted both. Thus the birth of this story. I also turned it around a little to make it fit into Siri’s 5k Soft Dark Challenge! I’ve never written anything dark before. Also not sure if this classifies as soft!dark or if it’s more dark. But it’s one of those! If that makes you uncomfortable, then please don’t read it. This is also my first time writing a threesome, so let me know if it sucks! I hope you enjoy it! 😘

General prompts:

8)The town golden boy isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

Dialogue prompts:

3)”Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

11)”I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

Rating: Explicit(if you’re under 18, please leave)

Words: 6.2k(this one got away from me, sorry)

Warnings: soft!dark/dark themes, unprotected sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, threesome(M/M/F), manipulation, language, model!Ransom being an asshole, Steve not being who you think he is

“And I really think if everyone pitches in to make these changes, it’ll really make a difference in the long run.”

Wow, so this is how you were going to die. In your whole 20 something years of existence, you never thought boredom would be your cause of death.

Sure, you were the lead Accountant at Stark Tower and these monthly meetings were mandatory. But did you really have to be here to listen to Rogers go on and on about how we can ‘improve our working environment’? Why did he even care anyway? He was barely ever here as it is.

You must have been zoning out worse than you thought because next thing you know your coworker, Janet, is poking you in the side and pointing towards Steve.

With a quick glare sent her way, you move your gaze to the Captain. He is giving you the same look he always does. Like he’s disgusted with you. “I’m sorry Miss Y/L/N. Am I boring you?”

A scoff escapes your mouth. “No, not at all Captain Rogers. I just love when people who are never here seem to always have an opinion on how things are run and how they could be better.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Do you have a problem with me, Y/N? Cause if you do, I’m sure there’s a way to solve that.”

You stand up and match his expression. You lean forward with your hands resting on the table. You can’t help but notice the Captain drops his gaze to your cleavage that’s now on more display than before. But just as quick as it was there, his gaze rises back up to meet your face. “Is that a threat, Captain Rogers?”

“Oh, it’s more than a-“

Tony quickly stands up and claps his hands together. “Okay! Meeting adjourned! You two, come here!”

You quickly straighten yourself up and make your way over to Tony. You always try to make sure you show him as much respect as you can. He’s your boss after all.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. My emotions got the better of me. It won’t happen again.”

He nods to you. “Thank you, Y/N. I accept your apology. But what I’m not understanding is why Steve here wanted to fire you?”

You both turn to look at Steve who has a sheepish expression on his face. “Yeah, sorry about that, Tony. She just seems to bring out this ugly side of me. I’ll try to keep it more contained next time.” He then moves his gaze to you. “Sorry, Y/N. I promise to be more professional moving forward.”

He makes a quick exit, leaving you shocked that he apologized at all. Ever since you started here almost a year ago now, you’ve been at each other’s throats. It was your fault really.

It was your first week and you were in the break room grabbing some coffee when you overheard a few of your coworkers making fun of Steve for being a virgin. Now, you weren’t sure if it was true but you wanted to fit in so you made your way over to the group and asked if anyone calls him Captain Virgin. That earned you some big laughs. But the laughter died down quickly as Steve entered the room to grab some coffee. Judging by the glare he gave you, he heard what you had called him.

You went straight to Tony after that to apologize. You really didn’t want to get fired. But you wanted to make sure Tony heard the story from you before Steve got the chance to talk to him. To your utter surprise, Tony found the name hilarious and gave you a high five, saying you were going to fit right in.

Well long story short, it’s almost a year later and Steve is still getting called Captain Virgin. Oh but don’t worry, he has names of his own for you. His favorite is Tony’s Pet. For some reason, it really eats at you when he calls you that.

But the one thing you hate the most about Steve?

Is how utterly, hopelessly, and desperately attracted you are to the son of a bitch.

That happened in your second week when you went to use the complimentary gym and saw him beating the shit out of some poor punching bag. Your panties and your workout were definitely ruined after that.

The more you fought with Steve, the more you just wanted him to bend you over any surface and have his way with you.  

It was despicable how horny you were for him. You were pretty sure all he’d have to do is snap his fingers and point to the floor in front of him and you’d happily drop to your knees and take him down your throat.

So that left you leaving work every day in a horny state. You started by taking care of it yourself when you got home. But after a while even that wasn’t cutting it. Then you started bringing home one night stands. But after the 4th disappointing non-orgasm, you gave up and just learned to live with it.

Sure, you could attempt to start being nice to Steve and maybe ask him out. But you were pretty sure he hated you. Plus you have way too much pride to actually do that.

So that leads to now. It’s Friday night and your workday is almost over. You’re inputting the last few numbers from the last expense report in your pile.

You get the last number put in when Janet approaches you. She sits on the corner of your desk. “So, you coming tonight?”

You take your glasses off and lean back in your chair, stretching your arms over your head. “Coming where?”

She rolls her eyes at you. “Oh, come on Y/N! You know we go out almost every Friday night. You never come and you always say you will!”

You start to clear off your desk and put things back in their place. “Yeah well I could. Or I could go home and sit on my ass and do nothing.”

“Well, that explains why it’s looking a bit bigger lately.”

Janet’s jaw drops as she directs her gaze at Steve, who is now standing in front of your desk.

You smirk and lean on your elbows towards him. “You like looking at my ass, Rogers?”

He scoffs. “Well when it takes up that much space, it’s hard not to notice. But here, I came to give you this.”

He hands you what looks to be a 10 page expense report. “Sorry it’s late, I’ve been busy, you know. Saving the world.”

You ungraciously take it from him and throw it in your to-do pile. “That can wait until Monday. I’ve got plans. We’re going to-” you look towards Janet for clarification. “Lavo.” You turn your gaze back to Steve. “Yeah, we’re going to Lavo. So this will wait til Monday if that’s okay with you, sir.”

Steve does his best to move his bag and jacket subtly towards the front of his pants so you won’t notice his growing hard-on. He hates how turned on he gets when you guys get into it. And then you call him sir? Jesus. He clears his throat. “Of course, I'm the one who turned it in at the last minute.”

Janet speaks up quickly. “You could always come with us! It’ll be fun!”

You grin widely at him. “Yeah! You could finally get your cherry popped, Captain Virgin.”

Steve can’t help the blush that covers his cheeks. “Uh, I can assure you my cherry has been popped since the 40’s. But thank you for your concern. And thank you for the invite, Janet. But i think I’ll stay in tonight.” He takes out his phone and sends a quick text before turning around and walking towards the elevators.

Wow. He didn’t even try to retaliate. You shrug your shoulders and grab your purse before standing up. “Alright, I’ll go! But on one condition!”

Janet claps her hands in excitement and starts walking with you towards the elevators. “Sure, anything!”

You press the button for the lobby. “You are going to be my wingwoman. Cause this girl definitely needs to get laid.”

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Lavo is super packed by the time you guys arrive. Of course you all had to go home and change.

You decided to go with a simple, yet effective, little black dress that showed off just enough to get men’s attention.

Thankfully you are able to score the last table. The waiter comes over and gets everyone’s drink order. You decide to stick with your favorite. You don’t want to get too drunk on the off chance you find someone to take home.

About a half hour into hot office gossip, Lucy, who is sitting across from you, taps your arm. You raise your eyebrows in question towards her.

She subtly nods her head towards the bar. “Okay I’m pretty sure the hottest guy I have ever seen is checking you out.”

You can’t help the smirk that crosses your face. “Yeah? Which one?”

“You can’t miss him. He’s fucking hot. Like no comparison to any of the other dudes sitting up there.”

You glance down at your drink and quickly finish the remainder. You stand up and adjust your dress, pushing up your breasts in the process. “Well, then I guess it’s time for a refill.” You wink and turn to make your way towards the bar.

It doesn’t take long for you to spot him. And boy was Lucy not kidding. He was fucking hot. Brown hair, blue eyes, and a smug smirk that would normally turn you off. But on him it worked. And who even looks that good in a fucking cream colored cable knit?

You go up to the bar, not too close to Mr. Hottie of course, and patiently wait for the bartender.

Hottie McHothot not so subtly moves his gaze up and down your body. He must like what he sees. “Hey honey, have you ever raised chickens?”

Uh. That’s definitely not the first thing you expected to come out of his mouth. You look over at him with confusion on your face. “Uh, no. Why do you ask?”

He just shrugs his shoulders. “Just kinda figured you might. Cause you sure can raise a cock.”

Okay, you’ve definitely never heard that line before. You crack up. You’re pretty sure you even snorted on accident. Once you collect yourself you ask, “Has that line ever worked for you?”

The bartender makes his way over to take your order. After reordering what you had before, you turn towards Hottie and wait for his answer.

“Not sure, my buddy told it to me yesterday so this is the first time I’m using it. Did it work?”

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know. It was pretty cheesy.”

“Yeah, maybe. But it got you to laugh. So I’d say mission accomplished. Name’s Ransom. What’s yours, pretty girl?” He holds out his hand for you to shake.

Ransom. Now where have you heard that name before? You accept his hand shake. You can’t help but notice how much bigger his hands are than yours. Jesus. You could already feel your panties getting wet.

“My name’s Y/N. Ransom, that sounds familiar. Do I know you?”

He releases your hand and goes to take a sip of his bourbon. “Well, I guess that depends. Do you read magazines or have you seen the side of the city bus lately?”

You quickly wrack your brain. You don’t read many magazines. But the bus drives by you everyday on your walk to work. Holy shit! That’s it! He’s in his underwear on the side of the bus. You’ve drooled over that picture plenty of times.

“Oh, yeah! I remember now! I’ve seen you on the bus! What’s it an ad for? I can never really get past the almost naked man. A bit distracting on my way to work.”

He smirks as he briefly glances down at your breasts. “I’m glad you know my work. It’s an ad for Calvin Klein. For their new line of men’s briefs. Sorry I’ve been a distraction.” He sends you a wink.

Fuck. He was a model. And a popular one at that if he’s in an ad for Calvin Klein.

“I didn’t say I minded. You can make it up to me you know.” You wink back. Holy shit. Were you really flirting with a model?

“Yeah? Well, how about we get out of here and I’ll show you a fully naked man.”

Okay. Cheesy line number 2. Was that really going to work on you?

Yes.

Yes it was.

“Let me just go grab my purse.”

Drink forgotten, you go back to your table as quickly as you can without looking desperate. “Sorry, girls. But this is where I leave you.”

Janet glances down at her phone. “We haven’t even been here an hour yet! Where are you going?”

You send her a wink. “I’m leaving with that guy! You guys know him! Remember that ad on the side of the bus?”

They all turn their gaze to him. And they all make it very obvious. He just waves and sends them a smirk.

“Holy fucking shit! That’s the new Calvin Klein guy! Oh my god you lucky bitch!”

“Wait! Listen. We’ll let you go on one condition.”

You furrow your brows in confusion. “Okay?”

Janet gives you a naughty smirk. “On Monday I’ll need a report on if they had to stuff his briefs to get that delicious looking bulge or not.”

You give her a naughty smirk of your own. “I can totally do that.”

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Monday morning you were all smiles as you stepped off the elevator and headed towards your desk. You give Janet a wink as you pass by her. She quickly makes her way over just as you sit down. “Um, excuse me hoe. But is that the same dress you were wearing Friday night?”

You quickly grab the cardigan you always keep in your desk out and put it on and button it up, attempting to look a little more professional. “Maybe.”

Janet opens her mouth in shock. “You stayed the whole weekend with him? You little slut! How was it?”

You turn on your computer and grab for the expense report of Steve’s you left in your to-do pile. Then you turn towards your nosy coworker. “Well, if you must know, yes. I did stay the whole weekend with him. And I’m pretty sure I was in an orgasm-induced coma the whole time. It’s all kind of a rough, sticky, mind-blowing blur.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

You shrug your shoulders as you put in your login information on the computer. “I haven’t decided yet. While the sex was the best I’ve ever had, he’s kind of an ass. Talked about himself and all the famous people he’s hooked up with since becoming a model. I honestly kept initiating sex just to make him shut up.”

She gives you a look like you’re stupid. “I’m not seeing the issue here. So what if he talks about himself a lot? The sex was amazing. You need to lock that down girl.”

You roll your eyes at her. “That’s the thing, Janet. He doesn’t do relationships. He told me so multiple times. Plus I’m pretty sure he was texting another chick in between our ‘sessions’. I suppose if I’m desperate, I’ll get a hold of him.”

“You know you could always just have him on backup for sex. Like a friends with benefits situation.”

“Janet, I’m in my late 20s. I’m too old for that kind of relationship.”

“Exactly, you’re in your late 20s! This is the perfect time for that kind of relationship before you settle down and get married! Have one last final hoorah!”

“I can’t have this conversation before caffeine. I’m going to get coffee. You act like I’m dying soon or something.” You turn to walk away but then remember you were supposed to tell her something. “Oh yeah and by the way. The bulge is definitely not stuffed.”

You give her a wink and then head to the break room for some much needed coffee. When you see who’s in there, you almost contemplate going downstairs to a different break room.

Steve is standing at the counter, preparing his coffee. He turns when he hears you come in and gives you a once over. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

You grab a mug out of the cabinet beside him. “Sorry my appearance isn’t up to your standards today, Rogers. I was a little...busy this weekend.”

He takes a sip of his coffee to make sure it’s right. Then he moves out of your way so you can get to the coffee, but still staying close. “Busy getting run over by a truck? Cause that’s kind of what you look like.”

You pour yourself a generous amount of coffee and take a long sip, letting the bitter liquid slowly make you human. “Yeah, well. I was busy getting fucked all weekend, Rogers. But I know your little innocent mind wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

That wipes the stupid little smirk right off his face. He almost looks pissed. He moves even closer to you. Almost pressing himself right up against you. So close that you can smell his coffee-scented breath. If you were wearing panties, they’d be ruined.

“Not all of us feel the need to sleep around. Some of us are looking for a real connection. Not just a one night stand of meaningless, mediocre sex.”

You press yourself just a little closer to him, his chest now touching yours. “Oh, it was anything but mediocre. Maybe if you actually got some, you’d know what that feels like.”

He leans his head down until his mouth is next to your ear, his left hand now resting on your hip. “You really need to stop insinuating that I’m a virgin sweetheart. If you were nicer to me, I’d show you that I know how to fuck.” With that he backs up and heads out of the break room.

You let out the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. Jesus Christ. You swear you almost came.

And if you were nicer to him? Fuck him. He’s not nice to you either. That’s okay. You have someone who can scratch this itch.

You pull out your phone and send a quick text.

To: Fuckboi

You busy tonight? I could really use a release.

The reply came almost immediately.

From: Fuckboi

Didn’t get enough of my cock this weekend huh? I suppose I could make myself available.

You roll your eyes and quickly reply with your address and what time to be over.

The rest of the day passes by slowly. It takes you half the day to enter Steve’s expense report. God he’s descriptive. At least it’s completed. You can’t really say that much for the other Avengers. They usually half assed them and made them barely acceptable.

You are shutting down for the day when Steve approaches your desk. You remove your glasses and look at him expectantly. “Is there something I can help you with, Steve?”

A blush creeps it’s way across his cheeks. “Um, I was actually just wondering if you had time to go over the new expense report forms? They should be a lot easier to fill out.”

You glance down at the clock on your computer. Ransom is going to be at your place in about 20 minutes.“Can we do it tomorrow? I have company that’ll be showing up at my apartment in like 20 minutes.”

His hopeful smile falls. His face is now unreadable. “Would your company happen to be whoever you spent the weekend with?”

Confused, you grab for your purse after getting your computer shut down. “Actually, yes. Should I have asked your permission first?” You attempt a joke to ease the sudden tension.

He pulls out his phone and starts typing furiously. Wow. You weren’t aware he knew how to text. You hear it ping with a reply before he angrily puts it back in his pocket. “Sure, we can do this tomorrow. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of your whoreing around.”

Your jaw drops in surprise. Sure you guys were always throwing jabs at each other. But he’d never said anything like this before. And in such a mean tone.

You round your desk and stand right in front of him. “Fuck you, Steve.”

You hurry towards the elevators before he can see the tears that have welled up. You couldn’t let him know he had that power over you. Asshole. Thank god Ransom was coming over. Hopefully he could fuck what Steve just said right out of your head.

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You’ve lost count of how many orgasms Ransom has pulled from you with his mouth when there’s a knock on your door.

Ransom looks up at you from his kneeling position on your living room floor. “Did you invite someone else to join us, pretty girl?”

You scoff and push him away so you can stand up. You pull your dress down as you make your way towards the door. “Yeah. I can barely handle just you. I’m pretty sure if we added someone else, I’d actually die.”

You open the door and gasp in surprise. “Steve? What are you doing here?”

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Look, I know you probably already have company but I felt really bad about what I said to you earlier today and wanted to apologize.”

You have so many questions. “How did you know where I lived?”

That sheepish smile makes its appearance again. “I may or may not have looked in your employee file.”

You shake your head. “And you felt the need to come all the way here and apologize? Why not just text me?”

“It would only have felt right to me to do it in person. I really am sor-”

You feel a pair of arms wrap around you from behind. “Well, who do we have here? Why is Captain America at your door?”

You turn your head to address Ransom. “He just came by to apologize to me. I think he was just leaving.”

Steve has a disappointed look on his face. “Yeah, I suppose I was.”

“Awe, what a shame. I thought you were gonna ask him to join us, pretty girl.”

Steve’s eyes grow wide at the thought. You quickly speak up. “No, I don’t think he’d be comfortable with that. He’s a little old fashioned.” You give him a sincere smile. You didn't think that was a bad thing.

Steve looks back towards the elevators and then back to you. He clears his throat. “What if I wanted to join you?” Seeing your wide eyed look, he quickly adds, “Only if Y/N would be comfortable with that of course.”

You contemplate what the consequences could be in your head. But then you get distracted when Ransom starts grinding his hard on against your ass. “Come on, pretty girl. Make a decision.”

The next word comes out of your mouth faster than what your brain can process. “Okay.”

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Now you were standing awkwardly in your bedroom with Steve and Ransom looking at you expectantly.

You’ve never done this before so you’re not sure how this is supposed to go. “So, um. How do we start exactly?”

Ransom smirks and comes up behind you. “I think you should call the shots, pretty girl. If you’re okay with that, Steve?”

With the mention of his name, he walks towards you and places his hands on your hips. “I think that’s a great idea. Can I kiss you now?” He places his hand under your chin and raises your face up to meet his. “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” With that, his lips meet yours. It’s explosive. You quickly wrap your hands around his neck and press yourself up against him.

You get so lost in the kiss, you forget that Ransom is there. That is until he presses his lips against your neck and presses himself against your ass. It presses you even further against Steve, making you feel his excitement against your lower belly.

You’re so overwhelmed already and you’d barely started. You may not survive this evening.

As you move your hands down to remove Steve’s shirt, Ransom is unzipping your dress, pressing kisses to every inch of exposed skin.

Without breaking the kiss, Steve moves his hands around to unhook your bra so he can get his hands on your breasts. He pinches your nipples, causing you to moan into his mouth. He moves his lips to your neck, sucking on your pulse point.

After successfully removing your dress, Ransom stands back up and turns your head to connect your lips. He starts rutting his clothed hard on against your naked ass. His left hand reaches around to bat one of Steve’s away so he can squeeze your breast.

Steve takes the hand that had been swatted away and moves it down to your soaking wet core. He starts lightly circling your clit. Just enough pressure to make you mewl.

You reach behind you with your left hand and tug at the waistband of Ransom’s briefs. “Off.” You moan out as you take your right hand and start attempting to take off Steve’s jeans. He smirks into your neck and helps you out. He barely gets them unbuttoned and unzipped before you’re reaching your hand into them and his boxers to grab his cock. It feels big.

Ransom grabs your left hand and places it on his now free cock. You wrap your hand around it and give it a squeeze before you start pumping your hand up and down. You do the same to Steve’s, making the both of them let out grunts against both sides of your neck. Steve increases the pressure on your clit a little. Still not enough.

“Nee-need, you. Please.” You weakly moan out. Ransom moves his mouth up to your ear. “How do you want us, pretty girl?”

You reluctantly pull away from both of them so you can think. You decide to be greedy. You point to Steve. “I want you to lay on the bed, please.”

He does as you ask. Putting his hands behind his head as he awaits further instructions.

You get on the bed and straddle him. You turn around and reach your arm out for Ransom. “Want you behind me.” You lean over and open your bedside drawer to grab the lube and toss it at Ransom. He smirks as he straddles Steve’s legs and gets behind you. He uncaps the lube and starts coating his cock with a generous amount. “Need my cock in that ass, pretty girl?”

You hold up your hand. “Wait.” You lean down towards Steve and give him a quick kiss. “Are you okay with this?”

He nods his head. “As long as you are.” You raise back up and smile at him. You turn your head and look at Ransom. “I’m assuming you're okay with this?”

He just smirks and squeezes some lube out so that it slides down the crack of your ass. “More than okay, pretty girl. Need me to stretch you out first?”

You smirk and pull him in for a quick, filthy kiss. “I think it got plenty stretched out this weekend.”

He matches your smirk. “You little slut. Wanting both of our cocks stuffing you full.”

You whimper as he lands a smack on your ass. Leaning up on your knees, you grab a hold of Steve’s cock and start running his tip up and down your folds. He places his left hand on your right hip and his right hand on your left thigh. “Condom?”

You quickly shake your head and pause your actions. “On the pill. Unless of course you’d be more comfortable with one.”

He shakes his head. “No, just making sure.”

You turn back to Ransom. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready for you.”

He nods and places his hands on your shoulders, waiting somewhat patiently.

You slowly sink down on Steve’s cock. He’s stretching you out so deliciously. It burns in just the right way. Ransom may be longer, but Steve is definitely thicker.

After you get fully seated on him, you take a minute to adjust. It only takes a few seconds. You turn your head towards Ransom. “Okay, I’m ready.”

He removes his right hand from your shoulder and grabs the base of his cock and starts pressing against the tight ring of muscle. He’d been in there a lot over the weekend. But it was still a tight fit regardless. He doesn’t go as slow and sheaths himself to the hilt, causing you to moan out in slight pain and pleasure.

Holy fuck. You feel so full. You think you might die. That is until Ransom removes his cock until just the tip remains and then forcefully thrust back in, causing you to grind on Steve’s dick.

Steve grunts out from the movement and starts thrusting up into you the best he can from his position. Ransom wraps his left arm around you and continues his thrusts, not letting up his pace. You don’t even really have to move, the both of them doing it for you. They somehow find the perfect rhythm. Each of them pulling out and pushing in at the same time. One of your hands is behind you, resting on the back of Ransom’s head while the other is resting on Steve’s chest.

Steve sits up suddenly and pulls you in for a kiss. “Like being stuffed with both of our cocks, pretty girl?” You hear from behind you. “Yes. So good. So full. Gonna cum.”

Ransom removes his arm from around you and reaches down and starts circling your clit. “Do it. Cum all over us. Make a mess.”

Steve can feel you squeezing him. “Please, sweetheart. Need to feel you cum on my cock. You’re gripping me so good.”

You explode. You clamp your eyes shut, seeing stars behind your eyelids. You let the both of them fuck you through it.

Ransom’s hips stutter. The fluttering around his cock is too good. He cums with a shout of your name, filling up your ass to the brim. He gives you a few more thrusts before he pulls out and collapses beside you two.

Steve’s been patient while you come down from your high. He lays back down, pulling you with him so that your chest to chest. He bends his knees and grabs onto your hips. “You ready, sweetheart?” You raise up, both of your hands on each side of his head. You give him a nod.

That’s all he needs. He starts fucking you, hard and fast, chasing his release. He can feel it building. He just needs to feel you come undone around him again. He moves one of his hands and starts circling your clit with his thumb. “Need you to cum for me again, Y/N.”

You shake your head. “Can’t. Too much.”

Ransom sits up beside you. “I know what she needs.” He reaches over with his left hand and wraps it around your throat, squeezing gently.

It makes you clench down on Steve’s cock. “Yeah? That all you needed, sweetheart? A hand wrapped around your pretty throat? I know you like it. Can feel you squeezing me.” He picks up his pace. The only sounds that can be heard are his grunts, your breathy monas, and skin slapping against skin.

It doesn’t take long for your orgasm to hit you. This one is somehow even more intense than the last.

You must’ve blacked out for a few seconds because the next thing you know, you’re waking up in between Steve and Ransom.

Steve smiles down at you. “There she is. We lost you for a second, sweetheart.”

You feel drunk. You smile goofily up at him. “Did you cum?”

Just as you ask that, you can feel his release seeping out of your overused cunt. Then you feel cum leaking out of your ass. You hide your face behind your hands in embarrassment. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

Ransom removes one hand while Steve removes the other. “Nuh uh uh. No hiding allowed, pretty girl. I have no regrets.” He looks at Steve. “Do you?”

Steve smiles down at you and leans down to press a soft kiss against your lips. “None from me. You tired, sweetheart?”

You let out a big yawn and nod your head, slowly closing your eyes. “Get some rest, pretty girl.” That’s the last thing you hear before sleep takes you.

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You wake up sometime in the early morning, stretching out your sore limbs. You know you have a dumb smile on your face. But you can’t help but notice your empty bed.

You sit up and hiss at the deliciously sore feeling between your legs. You grab your robe and slip it on. You can smell coffee coming from the kitchen. You giddily make your way out of the room and down the hallway. They both barely just come into view, still unaware you’re there, when you hear Steve speak.

“I thought you were going to be an asshole to her? Make her see I’m not that bad.”

You hear Ransom next. “I was an asshole to her. I’m sorry I dicked her down so good that she wanted more.”

Steve scoffs. “I never gave you the okay to fuck her!”

“You also didn’t tell me it was off limits. Look you got what you wanted right?”

“No, actually I didn’t. I didn’t pay you so we could have a threesome together.”

What the fuck? Steve paid Ransom to help him get in your pants?

“Ok, how about this? I’ll give you all of your money back if I can fuck her one more time before I go? Then we’ll be squared away.”

Steve seems to be conflicted. “Fine! But this is the last time Ransom. I have to get to work anyway. After this, she’s mine. And make sure she’s not late for work herself.”

Before you have time to react, Steve rounds the corner and sees you standing there. He has a deer caught in headlights look. Ransom comes up beside him and sees you. “Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

You slowly start backing up towards your bedroom. Steve moves towards you, stopping once you put your hands up. “Stay away from me! Both of you! I want nothing to do with either of you!”

Ransom moves past Steve and grabs onto your arms. “Oh, please. You’d fuck us again if we wanted. Wouldn’t you?”

You spit in his face. “Fuck you, Hugh.”

He gets a sinister look on his face. “Wrong move, pretty girl.” He looks toward Steve. “Don’t worry, I’ll fuck the brat out of her. You better tell her boss she won’t be in today.”

Your eyes go wide at his words. You start thrashing against him, trying your best to get away. Steve has had enough. He comes over and yanks you away from him and presses you against the wall. “You better calm down, sweetheart. I’ll treat you like a princess if you can be my good girl. Can you do that?”

You shake your head. “Why would you think I’d want anything to do with you after finding out you paid someone to help get into my pants?”

He gives you an evil smirk. “Because if you don’t, I’ll just have to release the tape of last night on the internet. Let everyone see how much of a slut you actually are.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re bluffing.”

He smirks and turns his head towards Ransom. “Show her.”

Ransom gets his phone out of his pocket and swipes at the screen for a second before turning it in your direction.

Holy shit. They weren’t bluffing. There you were, getting fucked by the both of them. That would ruin you if it got out. Not only would you get fired, but your parents would probably disown you. You’d never have a normal relationship again. You’re fucked. Even more than you were last night. How had you not noticed they were recording it?

Ransom must have read your mind. “I set my phone up while you were busy with Steve’s fingers on your cunt and his tongue down your throat. I think you need to ask her again Steve.”

Steve grabs your chin and moves your gaze onto his face. “I’ll ask you again. Are you going to be my good girl? Let Ransom fuck you one more time and then it’ll just be me and you?”

You drop your gaze to the floor. You feel a tear run down your cheek as you whisper out, “I’ll be your good girl.”

Taglist: @stargazingfangirl18​ @drabblewithfrannybarnes​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @lllols @patzammit​ @quxxnxfhxll​

Steve Taglist: @donutloverxo​

[uwuwriting]

Aizawa, Todoroki and Shinsou bringing their kids to work

Request: I just binged your whole blog and let me tell you Hawks bringing his kid to school was fhrqhelfifreh so could I request todoroki shinsou and aizawa bringing their kids to work - anonymous

Okay till the end of this week I’ll be giving you fluffy stuff because starting next week we are entering angst territory . I hope I finish the fic with Shirakumo’s daughter and then I have some angst requests to get to. So this is like a parting gift to happiness. Love ya. 💖💖💖

rules

masterlist

warnings: fluff

Aizawa Shouta 

-He loves being a dad. 

-Unlike his students his son, Kaito, is a very very calm two year old. 

-They take naps together in their matching sleeping bags, Shouta is the only one who can feed him his vegetables and they usually grade papers together. 

-You are the one who looks after Kaito while Shouta is at work and once he gets home you go off to your agency. 

-So basically Kaito spends half of his day with you and half with Aizawa. 

-When you were called in that morning because of a villain attack, you had to leave Kaito with Aizawa. 

- “I’m so sorry Shouta, Midnight was assigned on this mission with me and I don’t really trust Hizashi with a two year old.”

-He chuckled, taking a sleeping Kaito from your arms and giving you a kiss on each cheek and then on your forehead. 

- “Don’t worry kitten, I’m sure he will be an angel.”

-In the teachers lounge, before class starts for the day, nearly half of the staff is cooing over the still sleeping toddler. 

-They keep complimenting Shouta about how much they look alike and how cute he is. 

-He just grumbles about how he wants them away from his son.

-He was saved from the bell, dashing to his class surprising all of his students with his sudden appearance. 

-They hadn’t yet seen the baby in his arms until he stirred in his sleep, a few baby words tumbling from his mouth. 

-Mina was ready to let out a really really high pitched squeal when Sero slapped her mouth shut. 

- “Its sleeping!”

-Aizawa just let out a sigh and set his stuff on his desk. 

-He went to start his lesson like usual but that apparently wasn’t an option. 

-Sir you have a baby in your arms don’t expect us to stay silent and learn something useful. 

-Kaito woke up a few minutes into the whisper shouting argument Shouta was having with 18 teenagers. 

-He slowly blinked the sleep from his eyes, letting out a small yawn before looking around, his e/c eyes landing on all the new faces. 

-Everyone was silent, expecting the toddler to start crying at the change of scenery and at the absence of his mother but surprisingly no. 

-He rested his head on Shouta’s shoulder and shyly waved at the class. 

-Since he was awake Mina could be a little more vocal. 

-All the girls wanted to hold him, their main mission being to make him laugh. 

-Some of the boys were asking Aizawa some questions  while others were entertaining the toddler. 

-Kaito was really amazed by Shouto’s flames and he let out a heart warming laugh. 

-Uraraka made things float around the baby while Kaminari made small sparks. 

-Aizawa has never heard his baby boy laughing that much before.

 -At home he’s quiet, laughing only when you tickle him or when Shouta’s stumble scratches his plush cheeks. 

-Maybe taking him out more and letting the class hang out with him a little wouldn’t be so bad. 

-The last person who approached the kid was Bakugou, who crouched down to his eye level and they just stared at each for a solid minute. 

-Then Bakugou activated his quirk and the mini explosions made Kaito giggle and reach out to Katsuki. 

-The rest of the day was spent fawning over Kaito, nothing changed even after three hours of toddler entertainment. 

-When it was time to leave, the kids begged Aizawa to bring him again. 

- “Maybe I’ll bring him to the dorms at some point. But don’t irritate me you brats because otherwise he’s staying home.”

Bonus:

“I heard that you, little man, were a heartthrob today!”

*baby babbling*

“Yeah he didn’t let me teach.”

“Like it bothered you.”

“I never said that” 

Todoroki Shouto

-You had to go on a mission abroad for a week and today the twins’ preschool had informed you that they wouldn’t open today. 

-Frantically you called Shouto, proposing some solutions to your problem. 

- “I’ll take them with me.”

-He wants to spend more time with his girls anyway. 

-Both of them are very curious about their parents’ job and they have asked both of you to take them to work. 

-This was their chance. 

-You went to protest, knowing how stressing hero work could be and not wanting to stress your husband out more.

- “Love, I want them with me. I want to spend time with my snowflakes.”

-You couldn’t argue with that.

-He woke them up and helped them get dressed, leading them to the kitchen for breakfast while he simultaneously did their hair. 

-The twins aren’t really morning types so they tend to be really quiet until noon. 

-Telling them what they would be doing today, Shouto grabbed his things and stretched out both of his arms. 

-When people at the agency saw the youngest Todoroki with two little girls clinging to his hands they were confused. 

-They knew that he had a family, you two worked at the same agency after all, but they had never seen your kids. 

-And let me tell you that 90% of your coworkers are now cooing at the three year olds. 

-Shouto knew that his daughters didn’t really like crowds, even Rei who was the talkative one of the two would get shy and hide behind him when new people approached. 

-Because of that he scooped both girls up and quickly made his way to his office. 

-A few staff members greeting him and the girls but not many stopped him. 

-Once inside he set them down and went straight to work. 

-The girls are really quiet in general. 

-They pulled two chairs on either side of their father and sat there, coloring and doodling or just staring at his reports. 

-Surprisingly, Ren asked some questions while Rei stayed quiet.

-The crowd at the entrance must have exhausted her social battery. 

-Pushing his chair back, he pulled both of them on his lap kissing their foreheads before going back to his reports making small comments here and there to keep them updated. 

-Rei fell asleep after half an hour and it was the cutest sight. 

-Ren followed soon after, the little white and red haired humans clinging to his shirt like a life line as they snoozed off. 

-He took a picture and send it to you making you jealous beyond belief. 

 I want cuddles too!!!  😣😣😣  Someone’s jealous.🥰🥰

-He leaned his head on one of them at some point and he too fell asleep. 

-His secretary walked in to inform him of his father’s arrival and had heart eyes for the rest of the day. 

-She took a picture and sent it to you, informing you that your husband was sleeping on the job. 

-They were too cute though so she couldn’t bring herself to wake them up. 

-But alas there’s no rest for the wicked so he woke up at some point. 

-The rest of the day was spent with the three of them going to meetings, filing reports and training at the agency’s gym. 

-Watching two mini Shoutos running around the gym pretending to train is top tier stuff. 

Bonus

“Rei sweetheart don’t freeze your sister.”

“But she’s the bad guy!”

“Am not!” *flames flying*

“Ren don’t burn the place down.”

Shinsou Hitoshi

-Kei is actually the one who wanted to go to the agency. 

-She had asked both you and Shinsou to take her with you one day. 

-She may be using it as an excuse to skip day care but you do you hun. 

-It was her birthday and the little shit used that to her advantage.

- “Can I come with you to work? Pretty please?”

- “Kei...”

- “And it’s my birthday today.”

-You just level Shinsou with a glare.

- This is all you 

-Shrugs. 

-Now you have no choice but to take her with you and hope that everything goes smoothly. 

-The main reason why you didn’t want to bring her with you was the looming possibility that someone could attack and your little girl would be in extra danger. 

-Hitoshi reassured you that everything would be fine. 

- “Her parents are two of the best heroes in the industry, she’ll be completely fine. I promise.” 

-He woke her up the next morning, scooping her up and bringing her to the kitchen for breakfast. 

-She was really clingy in the mornings and wouldn’t function correctly if one of you didn’t hug her until she fully woke up. 

-Hitoshi is really soft for her during her birthday. 

-He’s soft for her everyday but today he’s ten times softer. 

-Gets her dressed and ready for the agency and is out the door in no time. 

-Shinsou talks about his family a lot.

-He has like fifteen photos of you and Kei in his office and a bunch of her drawings tapped to the wall. 

-He adores his family okay?

-So your coworkers aren’t so surprised when they see the small mess of violet hair resting in his arms. 

-She too doesn’t like crowds but won’t cower away. 

-She’ll put on a brave face and greet the strangers with acute politeness. 

-As long as one of you is in a ten inch radius she’ll be fine. 

-She answers all the questions that are being thrown her way. 

-She even sat there and suffered through a handful of cheek pinching. 

-Shinsou sees her suffering and scoops her up, excusing them and taking her to his office.

-You kissed her forehead and headed out to your own office, making her promise to visit you at some point because you too need some cuddles during work. 

- “We’ll catch bad guys momma!!”

-She is a curious little girl, so for the next two hours or so she’ll be exploring every nook and cranny of Hitoshi’s office, opening drawers and cabinets, digging through case files and boxes. 

-Then she might play with Hitoshi’s capture tool before visiting you for an hour or two. 

-You love having her attention but you know she’s simply taking a break from her dad’s office. 

-She’ll be back to Shinsou in no time. 

-Daddy’s girl.....it iz what it iz. 

-Around noon she starts to get tired. 

-If she was in day care she would be taking her daily nap.

-Her exploring tired her way too much and that’s why she’s now snoozing off in one of the armchairs in Hitoshi’s office. 

-He draped his jacket over her and let her sleep. 

-Later on you two took her to a meeting, allowing her some insight in the hero industry. 

-Plus she gets to hear the tea. 

-For training she tags along with you, doing some laps and trying -and failing- to do some push ups. 

-At the end of the day she was exhausted, sleeping soundly on Hitoshi’s shoulder as you made your way home.  

Bonus

“I don’t want her to grow up.”

“Well we could always make another one.”

“Way to be subtle mister....”

“Let me smash...”

TAG TEAM AY:

@iwaqchan​ @the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​ @axerrri​ @reinyrei​ @dnarez​

[bearlytolerant]

Fandom: Dragon Age

Pairing: Solavellan (Modern AU)

Ch Rating: T

Ch WC: 2169

AO3

Chapter 7

Another day at the office. Editing, emails and the ever elusive caller that enables equal opportunities for playing phone tag. A game Solas never enjoys participating in. The morning slides by and Varric is at his desk, twirling his keys around his finger.

“Lunch?”

Solas glances up and sighs. “I’m trying to get a hold of Seeker Pentaghast. Sera said she had more info on an agent that might have a lead on Crystal Red.”

“That sounds like a lot of maybes and probablys and a whole lot of I don’t give a fuck. You’re allowed to take a break and get some lunch.”

“What if they call while I’m away?”

“They can leave a message. Now let’s get out of here before we don’t have any time at all for food.”

Solas shoves back his chair and follows Varric. “I did pack a lunch today,” he mentions.

“Save it for tomorrow then. I’m craving some street tacos and there’s a truck just up the road. I’ll buy so you don’t have to worry about it.”

“I am less concerned about finances and more concerned about getting food from a truck.”

“Ah, live a little Chuckles,” Varric says as he gives Solas a whack on the back.

“If living a little, as you say, means spending two days on the toilet. Perhaps I do not wish to live a little.”

“Well come with me and grab something else. I’m sure there’s something you’d find worthy of your tastes nearby.”

A half hour later and Solas is holding a taco that’s worth the regret he’ll experience from his future self. Some chipotle mayo dribbles down his chin and he swipes it away while pulling out his phone.

He checks his messages. One from Sarya and one from Veda. He taps on the one from Veda first.

Connor went home sick. Pick me up after school today?

He checks the time and swears. How did he not realize he took such a late lunch? She needs to be picked up right now. He dials her number as he stuffs his arms into his coat.

“Veda needs to be picked up,” he tells Varric as he shoves the remainder of his taco in his mouth.

“Got you covered,” Varric replies.

He mumbles a garbled, “thanks” then takes off down the street. Solas is just a block away from his car in the parking garage when she picks up.

“Hey papae!”

“Hello. I apologize. I just now saw your text. I will be late.”

“No worries. I can always watch the band practice until you get here.”

“I will be there soon.”

“Okie doke.”

He says he loves her and hangs up. Sprints the rest of the way down the street, half choking and wishing he’d at least drank some water but makes his way to his little car without incident. He hops inside. Starts it and zooms out of the garage. He’s speeding which has him checking his rear view mirror constantly. But of course, the city has a million stop lights and he hits every red one. He gets to her school later than he ever intended.

He parks, shoving his glasses all the way up his nose, and searches for Veda at the stadium. He spots her in the bleachers, chin resting in her hands and her copper braids coming undone in the breeze. He takes the stairs to meet her two at a time.

“I am so sorry to make you wait,” he says as he wraps her in his arms.

“Seriously, papae. It’s not a problem at all.”

“But what if it had rained? Or stormed like yesterday?”

“I would’ve just stayed inside. Besides, that didn’t happen.”

He sighs, berating himself a little internally. Then he walks with her back to the car. Slides in and clicks his seatbelt in place.

“What’s this?” Veda asks.

Solas glances over at her. She has Sarya’s camera in her hands. He hadn’t even noticed it there. He calmly says, “a camera.”

“Pssh, obviously. But I don’t remember you having a camera.”

“It’s a friend’s,” he says. “We went out for lunch and they must’ve left it.”

“Oh,” she says. “How was work today?” She’s still fiddling with the camera.

“It was work,” he says. Thankfully she easily dropped the subject. “Not much was accomplished.”

She gasps. “Your friend is so pretty. You’ve never mentioned her before. New coworker?”

“No. Just a new friend I met.”

“She looks familiar—and she’s a wonderful photographer. Maybe we should have her take some pictures of us. We haven’t updated our family photos since I was ten.”

“That’s a wonderful idea Veda. However, my friend is only visiting for a short while. I’m not sure there would be enough time to squeeze some family photos in.”

“Bummer. You look so happy around her.”

“I don’t always look happy?”

“You look a different kind of happy with her. It’s nice.”

He takes her words and holds them close to her chest. “Anything interesting happen at school today?”

“Yeah,” she says, then she unloads a multitude of stories. How one of her friends got their tooth knocked out by a basketball in gym. How she accidentally used Elvhen in her Tevene class and didn’t notice until the whole class was just staring at her.

“Did you feel embarrassed?” he asks as they pull into the garage.

“A little. But I mostly found it funny. The way the other kids looked so confused.”

“Does anyone treat you differently when you speak Elvhen?”

She shrugs. “There’s a couple of kids who say stupid things but I don’t hang around them.”

“Veda, I’m happy to speak with the administration if your having trouble with other students—“

“While I appreciate that, I can handle a couple of kids who are jerks.”

“Very well but if you ever—“

“I know.” She slings her backpack in her back then kisses his cheek. “Can I go to Varric’s house? I want to see the cats and hang out with Cole for a bit.”

“Yes, so long as you check with—“

“Already did.” She steps out of the car. “Going to drop my stuff off inside then I’ll see you later.”

“Text me when you want to leave. I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay. See you later, papae.”

Solas sighs. He’s glad she still talks to him and he still gets to see her but there’s also this tiny ache in his chest that misses her always being around the house. But he reminds himself that this is a good thing. It’s just new and he pulls out his phone to read his messages from Sarya.

Hey I’m going to try and stop by your work around 3:15 today.

I stopped by your work but you weren’t there. Saw Varric though! He introduced me to everyone and it was fun! I really like Sera. She’s hilarious! And Merrill was so sweet! Anyway, hopefully I’ll see you sometime soon. 😉

—

“I fold,” Sarya says, she takes a drag from her cigarillo. Then throws her cards face up on the table.

“Already?” Han asks. “What a shame.”

“Your mind must be elsewhere, Sarya. I’ve never known you to throw a game,” Vilanti says as she shows her cards.

Han takes the game and lets out a whoop as he gathers them all to shuffle.

“I still can’t believe Dallen just up and left us. Did he say anything to either of you? About his plans.”

Both of them shake their heads.

“It’s really odd.”

“I don’t know why you care. Easier to keep yourself from using him. Easier for him to be happy this way,” Han says.

“Ouch,” Vilanti grimaces, then gestures for all the cards to be handed over. She shuffles.

“I do agree with that actually. It’s just that most who move on from our happy little family tend to give us more of a notice. We didn’t get to give him a proper goodbye.”

“I don’t mean to sound callous here Sarya, but you were the only one who cared about the guy. Makes sense why he moved on.” Vilanti deals.

Sarya picks up her hand and stares straight through the cards. “That’s not true.”

“Basically,” Han argues. He draws a card.

“Sometimes you both are mean.”

“Not mean. Just honest,” Han says.

Vilanti draws. “On another note, I heard Makon made a new friend today.”

“What?” Sarya nearly drops her cards. “Our Makon? Makon—stoic, quiet, unsociable Makon?”

“Yep. Met her at the gas station. She was passing through on her way to Wycome and her motorcycle broke down. He fixed it up for her on the spot and they exchanged numbers I guess.”

“What the fuck?”

“Good for him,” Han says.

Sarya draws a card. “Yeah, seriously. I hope that works out.”

“Our next gig is in Wycome and he plans to see her then.”

“Was it love at first sight or something?” Sarya asks. She folds and picks her cigarillo back up. Her interest in cards declining by the second.

Vilanti shrugs and plays her cards, taking the game. “By the way he keeps talking about her, I’d say yes.”

“What’s her name,” Han asks, gathering all the cards into a pile.

“Athi. Athi Lavellan.”

“Another Lavellan huh?”

“Guess so. Maybe she’s related to you two,” Vilanti says.

“Doubt it. Or if she is, it’s very distant,” Han says.

In the distance they hear yelling and smashing bottles. They all exchange looks.

“Wonder who the hell set Deshanna off—“

“Let’s go see if we can smooth things over,” Han says with a sigh.

“You two can go. I’ll probably make things worse. I don’t think he likes me much.”

“That’s because you push his buttons. Definitely better for you to stay here,” Han tells her.

“Don’t have to tell me twice.” Then she waves at them as they slip out the door and finishes off her cigarillo.

—

It’s dark and quiet and Sarya gazes longingly out the window at a small patch of stars. The only patch not hidden by the clouds. She sighs and startles at the sound of knocking. Straightening herself out, she rubs the redness from her elbows and opens the door.

“Solas,” she says it like she’s expecting him but she’s truly surprised. She steps out with him, shutting the door behind her.

“You forgot your camera,” he tells her, holding it out in his hands.

She takes it from him, hanging it around her neck. “Thank you. I should really start keeping better track of my things or you’re going to start thinking I’m trying to bait you or something.”

“I would bite every time,” he says, his hands clasped behind his back. There’s a certain sparkle in his eye and she can’t read him. But she knows she wants to kiss him. So without another thought, she stretches up on her toes and takes him by surprise. He is frigid and she panics, certain she has misstepped. After all, friends don’t kiss like that.

“I’m sorry,” she says, a little out of breath. “I don’t know what…”

Her words are caught on the edge of his lips as he captures her mouth again. His kiss is unreserved but not what she’d call passionate. Like the kiss of a long time lover. A kiss of promise. Of commitment. Her mind screams at her to let go while simultaneously wishing and longing for more. His leg is pressed into her inner thigh and despite the chill of the air, she’s certain she is on fire. Her nails are in his shoulder, the camera even hurts just a little as it presses into her chest, and she doesn’t mean to let out a moan but it’s too late for regrets as he pushes her against the side of her trailer. One hand above her and the other in her hair. With each breath she steals between kisses, she studies his face. Memorizes it and stores it for always. Freckles for days and the tiniest scar above his brow. The only sign of his age lies in the lines of crows feet near the edges of his eyes and she tells herself to ask if he has a skincare routine. He certainly seems the type.

She studies his closed eyelids, there’s two freckles on the right and a singular small one on the left and she notices that there’s even some red in his brows and wonders if they’d have red headed babies.

She gasps then. Pulls away. Why in the hell is she thinking of babies?

“Perhaps I should…”

“Kiss me again,” she says to him. She won’t let one ridiculous thought ruin the moment. She knows that she’s falling for him. Too fast, too soon but she’s holding on for another day.

When they break apart she doesn’t want him to go. But it’s too much to ask him to stay. So she waves goodbye then clicks her camera, saving the image of him walking away.

[fantastic-bby]

Pairing: Reader x Jinyoung (ft Mark)

Word count: 1.7k

Genre: Fluff | Comedy | Best Friend!Jinyoung

Summary: After a massive break up, Jinyoung thinks that the medicine you need might just be revenge.

Prompt: “I didn’t get soaked wet through walking to your house for you to say no to pizza. I have beer too. I know you’re sad, so let me in.”

Warnings: Mentions of cheating | Mild vandalism (?)

Masterlist

[23:51]

You should’ve known. The moment you saw your partner—now ex—gawking over the person you both saw at the gym was a dead giveaway and you hate yourself for not realising it sooner. Or maybe you hate yourself more for putting so much trust in him. There was always something that your ex did that made you doubt your entire relationship and it makes you wonder why you didn’t see all the red flags until you saw the two in his bed.

Your first thought was to rant about it to someone, but who were you supposed to tell? You can’t tell your siblings, they’d be on your ex’s ass in seconds. You also didn’t feel close enough with the friends you made at work, which left you alone and yearning for someone to comfort you. It was only when you heard the doorbell to your house ringing that you realised there was one person you could rely on—the person that you actually didn’t want to tell.

Your phone lights up beside you and you wipe your tears with the blanket in your lap to see the screen clearer.

Jinyoung: I know you’re home, loser [23:51]

You feel the tears building up in your eyes once again. Why did Jinyoung choose to come over now? Out of all days and all the time he had before, why did he choose to come when you felt like you were at your lowest?

Jinyoung: (Y/n)? I can see your living room lights Open the door I have pizza [23:54]

You see, Jinyoung was someone you met mutually through a friend at work—his name’s Mark—and you clicked pretty well with him. The only problem was that Jinyoung always seemed to catch you at the worst times, which made you feel bad because he always shows up whenever you’re having a breakdown or plotting some form of revenge on your coworker who decided to take your lunch from the pantry. Thunder claps and lightning flashes from outside the window to your bedroom and only then do you realise that it’s storming. Which means that Jinyoung’s standing at your doorstep in the pouring rain.

Jinyoung: I didn’t get soaking wet walking through the rain to your house just for you to say no to pizza. I have beer too [23:59]

You stare at his messages, debating whether you actually wanted him to see you like this. He doesn’t even know whether or not you’re crying.

Jinyoung: I know you’re sad Let me in [00:04]

Oh.

You force yourself out of bed and down the stairs of your home to open the front door. Jinyoung stands at your doorstep, water dripping from the strands of his wet hair and sliding down his face. In his hands are a large pizza box and a plastic bag filled with bottles of beer.

“How did you know?” you ask softly as you move aside to let him into your house. He rubs his feet against the plush carpet right in front of your door, trying to get his feet as dry as possible before making his way into your kitchen. Jinyoung’s hand gestures for you to sit on one of the barstools at your kitchen island while he pulls his wet coat off of his shoulders and balls it up before leaving it on your counter; making a mental note to clean that up later.

“I always do,” Jinyoung mutters as he opens the pizza box. He’s thankful that he somehow managed to keep the pizza dry or else he would’ve had to be faced with both your tears and rain pizza. You’re silent as he pushes the box towards you before pulling out two bottles of beer from the orange plastic bag that’s now perched on your countertop. You give him a weird look that makes him sigh, “Mark hyung told me.”

“And how did Mark figure it out? I didn’t tell anyone.” You pull one of the slices out of the box and take a bite out of it. It isn’t as hot as you’d prefer your pizza to be, but you can’t expect Jinyoung to have fresh-out-of-the-oven pizza when you left him standing outside in the rain for more than ten minutes.

“Mark hyung introduced you to the cock head. Of course he’d know,” he says as he pops open both bottles of beer, sliding on towards you. “What happened?”

“What do you want to know?” you look away from the slice and let your eyes meet Jinyoung’s. His face and body language never seemed to show that much emotion, but his brown eyes always held every single word that he wanted to say.

Jinyoung’s shoulders raise into a shrug, “whatever you want to tell me.” You hesitate with pizza in your mouth, chewing slowly before you sigh and tell him everything. Half a pizza and three beer bottles later, you feel relieved.

“And now I’m just sulking in my house,” you mutter when you finish your fourth slice of pizza. Jinyoung blinks a few times and his eyes drift away from you for a moment as he takes in the entire story.

“I have an idea,” he speaks up after a moment, his back straightening as the idea brews in his mind. “I’m not usually one who condones revenge because it’s petty and it wastes my time, but…” Jinyoung trails off when he sees you perking up.

“What’s your plan?” you quickly ask.

He smirks, “I’m thinking lots of toilet paper and lots of glitter.”

“Why am I here again?” Mark asks but Jinyoung quickly shushes him.

“We’re here to get back at (Y/n)’s ex.” The older man gives him a weird look but obliges anyway, hands grabbing at the envelopes filled with glitter and signed with different names and addresses to avoid suspicion. “Are you ready?” Jinyoung turns to you and you nod as you pull the hood of your jacket over your head to hide yourself.

“You do know that we could get arrested for vandalism, right?” he points out.

“That just fuels the adrenaline,” you hum with a smile when you turn back to him. The corners of Mark’s lips lift into a smile when he sees the mischief painted on your face. You’ve convinced him only because Mark’s a bit of an adrenaline junky and he’d do anything just to feel alive.

The three of you climb out of Jinyoung’s car and quickly make your way into the bushes of your ex’s garden, hiding under the cover of night with a bag full of toilet paper rolls. Mark tears himself away from you and Jinyoung to stuff the envelopes into the empty mailbox before regrouping. Each of you get a few rolls and the revenge plot begins. Call it childish, but you had never felt so much rush within you from throwing toilet rolls. You swing one of the rolls over the house, frowning when you see the way it bounces off of the wall and falls back into the garden.

“Watch this,” Jinyoung chuckles. You watch as he swings his arm with more strength and force, the roll flying straight over the roof and leaving a trail of toilet paper behind it that drapes over the top of the house.

“Show off,” Mark snorts as he throws a roll. Jinyoung scowls at that and throws the roll right at his head, earning a whine from your coworker. “Is that all of them?” he asks. You rummage through the now empty tote bags and nod just as the lights to one of the rooms turn on.

“Fuck, we have to go.” Jinyoung grabs onto your wrist and the three of you run out of the garden and straight into his car. The front door swings open and you hear distant yelling just as Jinyoung slams his foot on the accelerator, speeding out of the neighbourhood as fast as he can to stop your ex from seeing his license plate. Giggles and laughter erupt from the three of you once you’re out of the neighbourhood.

“Feel any better?” Mark laughs when he sees how bright you look as compared to the past two weeks and how dull and tired you’ve been.

“I feel fucking amazing,” you breathe out a laugh, turning to your side to look at Jinyoung who laughs from behind the wheel.

“I’ll be taking food as thanks,” he jokes.

“Oh, shut up,” you roll your eyes playfully, unable to stop the smile that feels permanently etched on your face. “I’m actually surprised that you, out of all people, thought of this.”

“That’s exactly what I said when he called me,” Mark chuckles.

“I don’t know,” Jinyoung shrugs with a content sigh. “Never really liked that guy anyway. I felt like you deserved better, so revenge was the first thing that came to mind when you told me.” You keep your eyes on him for a moment, basking in the adrenaline that courses through your veins. Mark cocks an eyebrow at the way the car slowly falls into silence.

“Thank you, Jinyoung,” you hum after a moment.

“Yes, thank you, Jinyoung,” Mark snickers. “It’s nice to see you having all this fun when you’re usually so stone cold.”

“I’m not stone cold, I’m just unresponsive,” Jinyoung corrects him.

“Unresponsive until someone grazes your shoes with theirs,” you quip, making Mark laugh.

Jinyoung gasps, “those shoes were white and they were expensive! Anyone in the right mind would be upset!” You and Mark’s giggles are only heightened at how Jinyoung starts nagging you two for stepping on his white shoes once a few years back.

“Alright, alright,” Mark says in between laughs, “we’ll be more careful when you’re wearing white shoes.”

“I wouldn’t mind if it was (Y/n), but hyung,” he emphasizes on ‘hyung’, hinting at the fact that Mark acts like a teenager despite already almost breaching his thirties. “I would’ve expected at least some respect for my white shoes from you!”

“Dude, just soak them—that’ll take the stain right off.”

“They’re leather!”

“Let’s just agree not to ruin Jinyoung’s white, leather shoes, so that he’ll stop nagging at us,” you giggle. Jinyoung whines in response as he glances at you. Mark makes another comment that has Jinyoung practically fuming. He’s lucky that it’s a red light because he puts the gear into neutral and reaches behind to grab onto the black hoodie of Mark’s jacket, the older man whining and crying in response while you watch with pure glee.

[ri-ahhh]

Ooooh but like what if it's gray getting jealous and a teeny but insecure too when MJ mentions some of her work mates and other close guy friends w whom she hangs out and drinks and parties yk?And when he finally meets them he might not be able to get some inside jokes or be pissy on how touchy one of her guy bffs is?!And just goes like"baby am I too young for you?"🥺maybe some cute fluff and hot makeup sex?? ;p Sorry if this too much or straight up lame It's cool if you don't wanna concept this

Ok, first of all, I love this. Second, this is my first MJ concept and I’m soft af🥺

If there’s one personality trait Grayson Dolan wouldn't normally attribute to himself, it’s that of being easily jealous. Why would he be? His life, despite it’s occasional heavy downs, is relatively picturesque in the grand scheme of things. He’s got a loving family, an amazing career, a beautiful girlfriend, and he’s narcissistic enough to proudly say he’s a good-looking dude.

But the little green monster first starts to stir in chest when said beautiful girlfriend lays back on his chest one morning, scrolling through Instagram while the two of them laze in bed. MJ is looking through the pictures she had been tagged in at a company dinner the night before, double-tapping her phone screen occasionally and diverting his attention away from his own phone when she does.

“Who’s that?” he asks, trying to sound as casual as possible as he eyes a certain picture with slightly narrowed eyes.

“Hm?” MJ had already scrolled down to the next photo, but she goes back to the one in question. Grayson points to the guy standing next to her. “Oh. That’s Jesse. He’s one of my teammates.”

Grayson doesn't respond right away, his gaze focused on the way the attractive young man has his arm wrapped tightly around MJ’s waist in the group photo. MJ is leaning away from him, but it still gives him a bad vibe — not from her, but from him.

“He looks friendly.”

MJ glances up at him and slaps the other side of his bare chest with the back of her hand jokingly. “Relax, we all had to squeeze in to get the picture. He’s just a colleague.”

“Yeah, to you,” Grayson mumbles. He tosses down his phone and turns on his side so he can throw his arm over her middle, nuzzling into her hair.

MJ smiles and scratches her nails up and down his sculpted arm, his warm breath tickling her ear. He’s not really the possessive type, too confident in himself and trustworthy in her for this to have ever been an issue in their relationship, but her work world is one entirely separate from him. She doesn’t think it’s too irrational for him to be suspicious, especially since she can admit feeling a little iffy about the way Jesse had so easily sidled up to her for that photo.

She shifts her head on the pillow so she’s facing him, kissing his lips softly but soundly. It’s an unspoken reassurance between them, and they both let the topic go.

A few days later, they’re in the kitchen together, a pass only she is allowed while Grayson cooks. MJ sits on the island, her feet dangling over the cabinets as Grayson stirs the vegetables he’s sautéing on the stove, when her phone buzzes on the marble countertop beside her. She picks it up and chuckles, her manicured fingers typing away.

“What’s so funny?” Grayson asks nosily.

MJ hits ‘send’ in the text response she wrote. “Jesse sent a stupid meme that reminded him of this super difficult exec we have to deal with for one of our clients.” She holds up her phone so Grayson can see it, but without the further context he doesn’t really see the humor in it. It causes a weird sensation to bubble in his stomach, one he can’t quite place, but it definitely makes him give the veggies an extra vigorous stir that has some of them flying out of the pan on accident.

He draws the line on this guy in his head when MJ sends him a text the next afternoon while he’s in a Wakeheart meeting downtown, just a few blocks from her office.

ugh baby i’m so sorry i have to cancel our lunch date :/ jesse wants to keep working on this report we have due this afternoon and i’ll look like a dick if i leave.

Grayson huffs and feels the back of his neck flush with anger. Why is Jesse controlling whether or not she can take her lunch break? She has a habit of skipping it to begin with, which Grayson can’t stand and actively tries to make sure she doesn’t do, so his irritation with this dude is through the roof now. His mind can’t help but wander to the possibility that maybe Jesse is doing it on purpose; he knows for a fact all of her coworkers know about him, so who’s to say he’s not trying to keep her to himself today? Before he can type out a heated response, however, MJ double-texts.

i promise I’ll make it up to you tonight. whatever you want, on me. literally and figuratively ;)

She knows him too well, can probably sense his frustration a few streets away. Grayson sighs, but his mouth lifts in a little smile, because he loves her and he’s low-key looking forward to that promise now.

Alright. I’ll be thinking about that to get me through this meeting. Pls eat tho baby, it makes me worry when you don’t.

me too lol. and gonna order some kreation now, don’t worry. ily

She punctuates her message with a few heart emojis, and Grayson returns the sentiment before pocketing his phone once more. His mind is far from the financial projections he’s supposed to be paying attention to, but luckily this is much more Ethan’s territory in the business than his, anyways.

Friday, he and MJ are cuddling on the couch watching a movie when out of nowhere she gasps a little and sits up from where she’s leaning on him. “Oh, I almost forgot to ask. You and E doing anything tomorrow?”

Grayson chuckles and shakes his head, amused by the suddenness of her question. He pushes a lock of her hair, damp from their shared shower, behind her ear. “Not that I know of, other than we might go to the skatepark.”

MJ grins. “Well, my boss is making us do our monthly team-building workshop at a climbing gym, if you want to tag along. I don’t think you’ll be able to join us during the middle of it, obviously, but afterwards it would give you the chance to meet some of the people I work with, if you want.”

He considers it. He hasn’t been climbing in a while, and he’s actually been itching to get back into it. Not to mention, it’ll give him a chance to keep an eye on Jesse while he’s around MJ in the skin-tight lycra she wears to work out in.

“Yeah, I’m down. I’ll ask E if he wants to come, too.”

The next day, the three of them roll up to the gym in Ethan’s Tesla. Grayson wastes no time in taking MJ’s hand in his as they walk through the parking lot, just in case a certain set of eyes are watching. MJ squeezes his fingers reassuringly; she’s not dumb, not impervious to the fact that when he kisses her goodbye once they step inside and before they go their separate ways that he had caught a glimpse of the man from the picture that put his guard up to begin with.

When he pulls back but makes no move to join Ethan on the other side of the gym, MJ shakes her head with a grin and cups his cheek softly.

“No need to stake your claim, Neanderthal,” she says.

He looks down at her with a pout that makes her heart and her panties melt. His wide hands plant themselves on her hips and tug her a little closer to him, anyways. “Am I being obvious?” he asks.

“Only to me,” she winks, rising on her toes to give him one more chaste kiss. “Now go with E, before Chanel gets here and I have to reverse the roles.”

Grayson laughs but does as he’s told, giving her waist a gentle squeeze before they part ways. MJ’s company had rented half of the gym, which was roped off for them. He chooses the open wall closest to the one they're using, eager to keep his girlfriend as nearby as possible for the couple of hours they would be separated.

As he sits on a bench and slips on his climbing shoes, Grayson can’t help but search out where Jesse is. He’s easy to spot, that’s for sure. Not only is he already next to MJ, chatting animatedly while she smiles and nods politely in return, but he stands out with his curly mop of hair, caramel-colored skin, and pale blue eyes. Maybe his attractiveness is part of the reason Grayson is somewhat intimidated by his obvious interest in MJ, but he’s also part of her everyday life, one he knows nothing about other than what she shares with him.

It’s never been something that bothers him, because it’s healthy to have a life outside of a relationship, but he’s always dated — hooked up, whatever you want to call it — in his industry. There was always a mutual understanding of what work and life in general entailed with those flings, and it’s taken Jesse for him to suddenly realize he doesn’t have the experience or the knowledge of how to handle his feelings with that not being the case with MJ. It makes him feel out of control, not good enough somehow.

Grayson Dolan does not like to be out of control and he most certainly does not like being below his own standards.

“Who’s that?”

Grayson is brought out of his daze by his brother’s voice and the hand he had clapped to his shoulder. If he were able to laugh at himself in this moment, he might have found Ethan’s question funny, since it was exactly what he’d said when he first saw Jesse, too. Ethan’s gaze is fixed on MJ and the man in question, who had placed his hand on her elbow as he talked only for MJ to duck down to ‘tie her shoe.’

“Jesse,” is all he says, standing up to buckle his chalk belt around his waist.

“Oh,” Ethan replies, nodding his head a little. “Do we like him?”

“Nope.”

“Cool.”

Ethan becomes another set of eyes for Grayson while they climb, giving him nudges or a little whistle every time he catches Jesse standing a little too close to MJ, or finding a reason to touch her, or to ‘help’ her as she climbs up the wall. Grayson glowers over every time, trying his best but probably failing to not to come off as the jealous boyfriend. Every once in a while MJ will catch his eyes, giving him a quick wave or a thumbs-up with a pretty smile just for him. It makes his heart settle some, only for his chest to tighten again when Jesse starts cheering for her a little too loud.

The two hours pass by a little faster as he settles into the rhythm of climbing, trying to put her touchy coworker in the back of his mind. He trusts MJ with everything in him, but he knows how men can be — ignorant either by choice or by idiocy to a woman’s obvious signals of disinterest.

“Gray!”

He’s just reached the top of the wall when his girlfriend’s voice cuts clear through the loud chatter around them. He looks down and sees her on the mat, hair pulled back in a cute high ponytail, freckled cheeks flushed from the exertion of the day, as she waves him down with that same bright smile.

He grins, excited to have her to himself once again. “One sec!”

Once he’s made it back down the wall, he greets her with a kiss. She’s tied her jacket around her waist, leaving her top half covered only by a pretty green sports bra that happens to be both his favorite color and one that makes her eyes pop beautifully.

“I like this,” he says suggestively, hooking his finger in one of the straps and tugging gently.

MJ rolls her eyes and reaches up to adjust the center of the Wakeheart cap he’s got backwards over his hair. “Come on. You can meet the idiots I have to put up with every day.”

She leads him to the group, who are all standing around chatting, gulping down water, gathering keys and such as they prepare to leave. He gets introduced to them a couple at a time. Some of them he recognizes by name, such as Valentina and Jude (both of whom MJ actually likes and considers friends), MJ’s intern Alessia, and Chanel, of course, who bats her eyes so obnoxiously it’s almost comical.

And then there’s Jesse, who’s immediately sizing Grayson up with those striking eyes as soon as they approach him standing in the corner on his phone. Grayson doesn’t back down in the slightest, a smirk fixing itself on his lips when MJ leans into him and wraps her arm around his back. He drapes his own over her shoulders, pulling her that much closer to him.

“Hey Jess. This is the famous boyfriend I’ve told you all about,” she introduces, patting a hand on his hard stomach and smiling up at him for a moment.

Grayson lets go of MJ long enough to extend his hand. “Grayson.”

Jesse accepts and shakes his hand politely. “Jesse. MJ and I are teammates.”

“So I’ve heard,” he says, keeping a tight smile on his face as Jesse continues to square up to him, like Grayson has posed some kind of challenge.

Jesse nods, a grin of his own popping up as he gets the idea that MJ has maybe talked about him before. Grayson wants to roll his eyes, but he stays trying to be the bigger person here.

“So what do you do, Grayson?” Jesse asks.

Another hot flash overcomes him. He’s heard the question often enough to know there are two ways people ask it: innocently and genuinely; or knowingly and almost maliciously, like Jesse is now, waiting for him to say the ‘i’ word and berate him for it passive-aggressively.

MJ tightens her arm around him some, and it calms him down enough to answer with an even tone. “I do social media.”

“That’s just the tip of the iceberg, though,” MJ steps in for him with a grin. “He and his brother have a whole production team under them. And they're CEO’s and part-owners of a fragrance company, Wakeheart. I think I’ve told you, whenever you compliment my perfume, that it’s Grayson’s, right?”

She’s incredible, really. Grayson smiles and shows off the diamonds in his teeth, which glint in the harsh artificial light. “Well, Jesse, if you like MJ’s perfume so much, I’d be glad to send you our whole collection. Maybe you’ll find one that’s right for you.”

He can see Jesse’s resolve start to waver, especially when MJ stands on her toes to kiss Grayson’s stubbled cheek. “Very generous, huh Jesse?”

Jesse clears his throat and digs his keys out of his pocket tellingly. “Ah, yeah. Thanks, man, good to meet you. See you Monday, MJ.”

He brushes past the couple without another glance, and he at least has the decency to blush a little from embarrassment. MJ turns and wraps her arms around Grayson’s middle, staring up at him with big green eyes that sparkle with amusement.

“Do you think he got the picture that I’m completely, totally, head over heels in love with you?” she asks, swaying slightly as he wraps his arms around her as well. “And that he has no chance in this universe whatsoever?”

“I don’t know, I feel like you could’ve laid it on a little thicker. Hyped me up a bit more,” Grayson jokes, dipping down to brush her lips with his. A blonde statue glares at the pair of them when he pulls back and glances over MJ’s head. “Chanel is staring daggers at us. Should we make out right here so she can see how I feel the same about you?”

MJ giggles and shakes her head. “Unfortunately, nothing will faze that bitch.” She nuzzles his nose with hers affectionately, the chaste display a perfect disguise for the dirty whispers that comes out of her mouth next. “Mm, my CEO boyfriend can take me home, though, and fuck me nice and hard in the shower.”

Grayson’s eyes turn a shade darker, and he bites his plump lower lip. He wants to slip his hands down to her ass, but he’s also very aware of how public they are right now. “If we even make it to the shower,” he murmurs.

MJ scrunches her nose and raises her brow in a look of mild disgust. “Gray, if you think I’m sucking your dick after it’s been in a cup for nearly three hours, without you taking a shower, you better think again. I don’t think even Chanel is down for that.”

Grayson lets out a belly laugh and releases her, taking her by the hand instead to go find Ethan. “Noted, baby. Noted.”

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Two

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry. (No smut yet, getting closer though.)

Part One

Harry drove straight to Niall’s apartment, and banged on the door as soon as he got there.

“Good thing I didn’t have a woman over!” Niall says to him, letting Harry walk in. “So, how was the date?”

“It was great, actually.”

“Don’t sound so surprised, I wouldn’t set you up with some idiot.”

“Well, you have before.”

“And yet you still trusted me.” Niall’s phone buzzes, he check it and smiles.

“Is that her?”

“Oh no, I’m not stayin’ in the middle of this. Did you give her your number?”

“Yes.”

“Alright, so text her.”

“It’s too soon. Maybe in a little while I certainly won’t wait until tomorrow.”

“Did anything happen between you two?”

“She kissed me on the cheek before she got into her car. I would have liked to do more, but I didn’t want to push it.”

“Good idea. I won’t fill you in on too much because it’s not my story to tell, but she’s been burned in the past, so taking it slow with her is smart.” Harry plops down on the couch.

“She’s so smart, and funny. There was never a lull in conversation. And she complimented my nails. Like, she genuinely liked them.”

“Why wouldn’t she?”

“I don’t know, you know how some people can be.”

“When do you think you’ll see her again?”

“No idea. I don’t want to seem too eager.” Niall’s phone buzzes again. “It is her! What is she saying?”

“Nothing, she just thanked me for setting her up with such a nice guy, and that she had a really nice time.” Harry smiles a toothy smile.

“We really did have a nice time. Ugh, the dress she wore, it was breathtaking.” He slaps his forehead with his palm.

“What?”

“I’m such an idiot, I never even complimented her appearance.”

“That could be a good way to start a conversation over text later.”

“Brilliant! I’ll give it an hour or so.”

Harry left Niall’s after an hour. When he got home, he settled into a pair of sweatpants, and got cozy on his couch, flipping the TV on. He grabbed his phone and texted you.

“I had a great time tonight. I forgot to tell you how beautiful you looked.” He awaited your reply nervously. Within five minutes, you responded.

“I had a great time too, and thank you!” You had sent along the smiling emoji with the blushing cheeks.

You two texted back and forth for about an hour, until you passed out. He figured as much when you stopped responding, and put himself to bed. The next morning you frantically texted him.

“So sorry, I fell asleep!”

“G’morning beautiful.” He promptly responded. This sent butterflies through your stomach and made you squeal. Suddenly you were in high school again, getting excited over as something as simple as a good morning text. “What are you up to today?”

“Just the usual Sunday routine, cleaning, grocery shopping, meal prepping. All that fun stuff ;)”

“Sounds about the same as my routine, lol”

The texting dwindled by midday. You both got busy with other things. Sunday evening you decided to do a little self-care, and put a clay mask on while watching TV. Just as you were settling in, you heard the buzzer for your apartment, and saw a missed call from Niall.

“Is it just you down there?”

“Of course, who else would be with me?”

“You know who!”

“Would ya just let me up?!” You rolled your eyes and buzzed him in.

He immediately burst into laughter when he saw your face. You swatted at him to stop. You went into the bathroom to wash everything off.

“What are you even doing here?” You asked, coming back into the living room. He was now seated on your couch.

“I wanted to hear about your date.”

“It couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” You asked, sitting down next to him.

“No because we would just get interrupted with work. He came over last night right after.”

“Really?” You perked up.

“Mhm, he had a great time. Did he end up texting ya?”

“Yeah we talked all night, and he said good morning to me today. It was so sweet.”

“Oh good, he was nervous it would be too soon to contact you.”

“You don’t have to do this y’know.”

“Do what?”

“Become this middle man.”

“S’not what I’m doin’. I just wanted to see how you were. I’m your friend, and I never want to see you how were like that last time.” A flash back to your horrible appearance from your depressive episode plays in your head.

“That was over a year ago. I’m much better now. I saw a therapist remember? I wasn’t treated right, and I blamed myself, but I don’t anymore. That guy was just a jackass. Harry seems really sweet.”

“He is, he’s one of the nicest guys I know.”

“He told me you became really good friends because you both don’t like wearing clothes.” You can’t hide your laughter.

“That asshole.” He laughed along with you.

The next day at work, you brought Niall a coffee. You couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. You hadn’t texted anymore, but you didn’t think much of it. Around noon, just before you went to meet Niall for lunch, you got a call. You saw Harry’s name, and closed your office door.

“Hello?”

“Afternoon beautiful.” You blush and silently squeal to yourself.

“Afternoon, handsome.” You hear a small chuckle. “What’s up?”

“Nothin’, I was just wonderin’ when I could see ya next.”

“Oh, well, how about Friday after work?”

“Too long from now. Do you not go out on school nights?” He teased. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“Something like that. I like to go to the gym after work, and by the time I get home I eat dinner, shower up, have a little time for TV, and then go to bed.”

“I suppose Friday could work. Honestly, if I met you for lunch or something I don’t think I’d be able to let you go back to work.” He said in a playful tone, trying not to sound controlling.

“Did you have anything in mind? Dinner again?” You didn’t mind going out to eat again.

“Sure, we could do that. Something less formal though.”

“That sounds good to me.” There’s a knock on your door. “I gotta go, but I’ll text you later to flesh out the details.”

“Alright, talk you soon.”

You hang up and open your door to find Niall, he sighs with relief.

“Christ, I thought you left and I was going to be forced to eat with those old biddies.”

“I would never do that to you.” You grab your lunch box and head with him to the break room. “Harry just called, we’re going out Friday after work.” You say, both sitting down at a small table.

“That’s great! Where are ya gonna go this time?”

“Don’t know yet.” You shovel some food into your mouth. “Somewhere more casual. I’d love to go like one of those adult arcades or something, maybe I’ll suggest that.”

“Oh he’d love that. But be careful, he tends to get competitive.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.” You smile at your friend. You know he means well, and you appreciate him looking out for you.

That night after work, you decide to be bold and give Harry a call after getting home from the gym.

“Good evening.” He says.

“Hey, sorry for not getting back to you earlier, I had meetings all afternoon, I barely got anything done.”

“S’no problem, love.” Must be a British thing that he keeps calling you love.

“I thought of something fun we could do Friday.”

“Oh really? Lemme hear it.”

“How about going to one of those adult arcades? Like Dave and Busters?”

“Oh, that sounds like great fun. They have dinner and stuff there too. I don’t think there’s one around here though.”

“There’s a place like it, sort of an off brand version. I’ve been a couple times with my girlfriends, it’s a lot of fun.”

“Sounds good to me. Good way to blow off steam at the end of the work week.”

“For sure.”

The place you suggested was called Pinz. It was this massive adult arcade that also had bowling. There were two giant bars, and plenty of places to sit and have a meal. You had been for a bachelorette party and it was so much fun. There’s something for everyone to do.

You and Harry text and call each other throughout the week. By the time Friday rolls around you’re extremely excited to see him face to face again. You pack everything you’re going to wear that night in your work bag as you agreed to meet around six. The day went by surprisingly quick. You locked your office door so you could get changed. You put on a dark pair of skinny jeans, and a pair of black booties. Next you put on a red short sleeve top. You changed necklaces, and freshened your perfume. Your hair was in a high, wavy pony, and you liked the way your hair cascaded over your shoulders, so you kept it like that. As you walked out, you bumped into Niall.

“Well don’t you look lovely?” He said.

“Aw, thank you. I’m so excited to see him.”

“He’s excited too.”

You exchanged goodbyes as you made your way to your cars. You fell a little nervous driving up to the bar. You had second date jitters for sure. You got there a little before six. You wanted to have a drink before he got there, or at least start one. Around six fifteen, half way through your drink, you get a text from him saying he just parked. You smiled and told him you were inside already. Moments later you see him walk in. He was wearing black jeans, which were slightly ripped at the knees. He also had on a pair of boots. He had a green t-shirt on, and smiled the minute he saw you.

When he got over to you, this time instead of a handshake, he took you in for a gentle hug. He noticed the drink in your hand.

“Starting without me I see?” You look down and your face goes red. “Teasing.” He orders himself a drink. “Cool place, it’s massive.”

“Yeah, there’s definitely plenty to do.”

“Would you mind if we ate first? I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t starved. I had to skip my lunch today.”

“Of course!”

You two are seated in just a few minutes. Harry frowns when he looks at the menu.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’, just a lot of like chicken wings and ribs and stuff. Not sure what I can eat is all.”

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I figured we’d get some apps like mozzarella sticks or spinach dip, I completely forgot you don’t eat cheese. If you want we can leave and come back.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll get a salad or something. Look here, chips and guac. Do you like guacamole?”

“Love it!”

“Then we can split that if you like.” He gives you a smile, and you feel at ease.

You both get a garden salad, and the chips and guac. Once you’re both properly fed, you get two more drinks, and head over to the arcade section. You start off the with basketball game. Usually Harry would be competitive, but he gets distracted by the way your shirt subtly lifts up when you shoot, just barely seeing your midriff. He notices your belly piercing and smirks. He makes up his baskets, and ends up beating you at the game.

Next you go to ski ball, which you end up beating him at, not that either of you were keeping score. You both shied away from the games that were literally just for winning tickets. You share many laughs, and before you know it, you’re drunk. How did you manage to get drunk at the arcade? Salad. You literally ate the lightest thing on the menu. He seemed to be a bit buzzed, but doing better than you.

“Mind if we sit for a bit?” You ask him. Music was starting to play. The DJ must have just gotten there. Oh yeah, there’s a dance floor here too, you remember.

“Sure thing.”

You find a high top to sit at, and Harry gets you both some water.

“Thank you, I’m parched.” The cold water slaps the back of your throat, careful not to drink too much in fear of throwing up.

“This place is great.” He smiles at you.

“I’m glad you’re having a good time. I never asked you earlier, why did you skip lunch?” A little hiccup comes out, and you cover your mouth.

“Just a busy day shootin’ pictures. We had a tough time getting the lighting just right. I’m too picky for my own good sometimes.”

“Do you ever travel for work?”

“Sometimes, not as often as I used to. I don’t quite like traveling anymore.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well for work at least. I mean, I’m about to turn twenty-six, it was getting old barely spending time at my apartment that I pay way too much rent for to not actually live in it. I’d rather travel on my own time, and take pictures that I want to take. Not just follow a shot list.”

“That makes a lot of sense.” You say nodding along to his story. He looks at his watch. It’s already nine.

“Not to sound too forward or anything, but would you care to get outta here? I’m not much one for dancing, and it’s getting louder in here by the second.”

“Sure!”

You stand up, and he puts his hand on the small of our back to help guide you through the people. As you walk outside the fresh air hits you, and it feels amazing. You look up at him concerned.

“Harry.”

“Yes?”

“I think I’m too drunk to drive.” He laughs.

“Don’t worry, love, I can drive us.”

“You’re okay to?”

“Yeah, I didn’t have that much, remember you were a whole drink ahead of me.” He winks at you. “I can always pick you up tomorrow to get your car.” You appreciate that he’s clear about not spending the night together.

“That would be great. We can go hang out at my place if ya want?” You slur. “Might be easier if you already know where I live.”

“That works.”

He walks you to his car, and opens the door for you. You give him your address and he puts it in the GPS. You sober up a bit on the drive, but definitely still feel a buzz. You walk up the steps of your apartment, and open the door for him. You key in, and thank god you had thought to clean up.

Your apartment was cute and simple. It was a one bedroom, and you had an en suite bath. There was a half bath next to the coat closet as you first walked in. That was partially why you rented this specific place. You loved having a bathroom right there in case you really needed to pee. As you walk in to the main area there was an open concept kitchen and living room. You used a futon on as your couch so guests had a place to sleep if need be.

“This is a nice place you have.” He says looking around.

“Thanks, it’s definitely a big girl apartment. It’s nice to finally make enough money where I don’t need a roommate.”

“I know the feeling. It was nice living with Niall for so long, but after a certain point you just want your own space.”

“Can I get you anything?” You ask walking over to the kitchen, he follows and sits down on one of the stools at your island.

“Just some water would be great, love.”

You fill up two glasses of water, and hand him one. You guzzle yours down, and fill up another immediately. You realize how much you need to pee.

“Pardon me, I’ll be right back.”

You go use your bathroom, and freshen up your makeup. When you walk back out Harry has made himself comfortable on your couch. You see him scrolling through his phone. He smiles up at you when he notices you. He pats the spot next to him, and you sit down, tucking one leg under yourself.

“What’s your apartment like?” You ask, trying to think of something to say.

“Sorta like this actually. Only mine’s a studio.”

“Oh, you don’t mind just having your bed out?”

“I don’t have guests over often. I work a lot on the weekends sometimes. It’s enough space for me.” He gives you a half smile. “I’m sure eventually I’ll get something bigger, but for now it works. Less to clean too.”

“Good point. I started out in a studio when I first moved out of my roommate’s place, but I felt like I was in an oversized dorm. Once I saved up some money I got this place. Been here a little over a year now.”

“It’s a nice neighborhood too.”

“Yeah! No creeps in this building either. I feel really safe. Plus Niall doesn’t live too far away either.”

“Definitely nice to have a friend close by. Where do your girlfriends live?”

“A couple of them live together on the other side of town. My best girlfriend just got married about six months ago. Her and her boyfr-husband live in the suburbs in their house.”

“Wow, a house.”

“I know right? He’s an oral surgeon so he makes a ton of money. I think he covered their entire down payment.”

“Did she marry him for that fact?”

“No, they were friends for a long time actually. One day they both went out, got drunk, and hooked up. Next thing we all knew they were a couple.” You look down for a second then back up. “It really changed the group dynamic if I’m being honest. We all stopped hanging out as much, it was hard. But I’m happy for them. Then I met Niall at work and things got better too.”

“Can I ask, did you and Niall ever go out?”

“Oh, god no. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the accent had me swooning when we first met, but he’s more like a brother to me than anything. I wouldn’t survive that job without him. I’m not sure why he and I became such fast friends, but I’m glad we did.”

“He raved about you for a long time, and I always told him to just ask you out, but I’m glad he didn’t.” He lets out a nervous laugh.

“He’s just sweet like that.”

“He mentioned one time that you had really been through it, and he knew you were better off having a friend.”

“Yeah, um, a little over a year ago something happened, but…”

“Jesus, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have even brought anything up.”

“No, it’s okay. Maybe I’ll tell you some other time, but not tonight.”

“Fair enough, sorry.” He gives your bent knee a little squeeze, and takes it away. You miss his touch immediately.

“It’s okay, really.” You smile. “Sometimes I just don’t have a great judge of character I guess.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What made you agree to a blind date?”

“I don’t know exactly. I was sort of getting sick of the online dating thing. Most of those things were just for hook ups anyway. I know twenty-four isn’t old, but I just felt like I was getting too old for it. I have to say, I wanted to cancel with you.”

“Why’s that?” He says, fake offended.

“Because I couldn’t find you online anywhere! I found your Instagram, but there was no picture of you. I practically stalked Niall’s Facebook, but I couldn’t tell which one you were in any group photo. And he wouldn’t show me a picture of you.” Harry laughs at your sloothyness.

“When I finished grad school I got rid of my Facebook, and turned my Instagram into my brand for my freelance work. I do have a private Instagram though, but it’s under a completely different username.”

“Hm, maybe you’ll show it to me?”

“Perhaps another time.” He winks at you. “I found you online, although I couldn’t see much.”

“My privacy settings are tight.”

“I noticed.”

“So, you saw my face then?”

“I did, and I still wanted to meet you.” You scoff and nudge his shoulder as he laughs at his bad joke. “Teasing.” He puts his hands up. “I saw your picture and couldn’t believe such a beautiful woman was single.” You roll your eyes with a smile.

“You know exactly what to say don’t you?” He shakes his head no. “What made you agree to a blind date?”

“Same reason as you, I guess. Although, I almost didn’t agree because that bastard has set me up with some real stinkers before.”

“Well I’m glad I wasn’t a stinker.” You laugh.

“Me too.” He puts his hand over yours and gives it a squeeze. You slump further into the couch, feeling relaxed by his touch. He furrows his eyebrows for a moment while he looks at you. He reaches his hand up, and swipes his thumb across your cheek bone. You nearly flinch. “Sorry, eyelash.” He holds it up so you can see. “Make a wish.” He smiles. You nearly melt. You close your eyes and blow softly on his thumb.

When you open your eyes back up to look at him, you notice his pupils have gotten larger. He leans in close, cupping your cheek with his hand.

“Is this alright?” He says in almost a whisper. You nod your head yes.

You close your eyes, and feel his lips brush against yours. He kisses you lightly, almost tender. You kiss him back, and lean into him. He puts his hands on your back to pull you a little closer. Your hands press flatly onto his chest. You both sink into the kiss. His lips tasted like mint from the gum he had chewed in his car. You want to part your lips for him to let him in and explore, but you’re also afraid to move too fast. You break the kiss and look at him. His eyes pop open and gives you a concerned look.

“Something wrong, love?”

“No, it’s just, I don’t want this to move too fast.” You try to keep a soft expression to assure him it’s more of a you thing than it is him.

“Alright.” He smiles at you. “Should I be going then?”

“That might be for the best.” He gets up, and you follow him out the hallway. “It was a really nice kiss though.” You say, surely blushing.

“I’d very much like to do it again sometime.”

“Me too.”

“What time should I grab you to pick up your car?”

“Fuck, I almost forgot about that. What time works for you, I’m on your schedule.”

“How about around ten? We could go for brunch if you like?”

“Oh I would love that Harry.” You beam at him. “Thank you for being so understanding tonight.”

“Don’t thank me, (y/n). You told me to stop so I did.” He smiled and shrugged. “I’ll see you tomorrow, goodnight.”

You pull him in for a hug, and quick kiss on the lips, which surprises him. He sighs happily when you finish your hug. He leaves and you sigh as well. You could kick yourself. You wanted more of him, you wanted to see how he actually tasted. But you were so scarred from the last time you started seeing someone that you just couldn’t do that to yourself again.

[imjeralee]

REQUEST: Birthday - Raihan x Reader One-shot

Pairing: Raihan x Reader 

[One shot - more like a Drabble tbh]

Sorry it’s so short. This was harder than I realised O_O I hope you like it tho

Fluff, SFW

Title: Birthday

...

It’s your birthday in a few weeks and you noticed Raihan had been acting weird.

Firstly, he started coming home late.

Like really late.

Secondly, he wouldn’t tell you where he went, just that he had ‘something to sort out’.

Third, he began smelling...strange.

Not so much like aromatic perfume, but more of a musky, earth smell.

When you google up the signs, they all seem to point that your boyfriend of several years could be cheating on you. 

Raihan would never cheat on me, you find yourself thinking to yourself. He just won’t.

But what was really going on was that Raihan was planning a birthday surprise for you and had spent a long time with the presentation and preparation.

You’d been together for a few years now and every year, he’d gotten you something different.

For the first year, he surprised you with a designer handbag and a luxury weekend getaway but he soon learned that you’re not too intrigued or crazed about labels or enchanting locations but all in all, it was a lovely birthday treat and there were several good memories from that.

For your birthday the next year, he got you a baby Pokemon and whisked you off to Alola for a daring skydiving session over Akala Island. 

And the year after that, there was no more beating around the bush and he straight up asked you what wanted and you said you weren’t too fussed because you don’t need Raihan to go all out or take you to such expensive places.

It could be also to do with getting old and being around him for so long that you didn’t have much to look forward to nor did you want anything in particular, you did tell him that you would rather just spend a nice evening with him and have a delicious home cooked, candlelit meal.

However, Raihan’s still determined to treat you so this year too, so he asked the gym leaders what would be a good birthday present for his lover and received mixed results:

Opal told him he should try baking a cake. 

Milo told him a Wooloo is the key to a woman’s heart, but you already have one.

Nessa thought a meal at The Captain’s Table would do the trick.

Kabu said a trip to Hoenn would possibly suffice.

Piers also gave him tickets to his concert.

Raihan rubbed his chin, wondering if it was possible to combine all those ideas but then realised it’s better to come up with something far more original and something that would resonate more with you.

Therefore, he found himself sitting down on the grassy pitch of Hammerlocke stadium one day, writing ideas down. He eventually compiled a list and went through it many times, ticking several ideas off. He even resorted to online videos for inspiration.

In the end, he remembered how much you love Goomy and an idea formed in his mind.

Keeping it as a surprise was harder than preparing the actual surprise.

And the more he came home late and the more he gave you excuses as to why he was being so darned secretive, the more he saw your face falling when he would refuse to disclose where he was going, the more it pained him inside.

Finally, on the day of your birthday, you’re first to wake up and although you try to wake him up too, he’s exhausted because he came home so late last night so all you can do is get ready for work, wriggling free from his grip and slipping off the bed. 

You silently get dressed albeit watching him worriedly before you head downstairs to make breakfast and as you munch on your cereal, reading this morning’s news on your phone, you hear the steps creaking one by one and soon Raihan appears in the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

“Hey babe,” he greets you wearily, shoving his feet into his flip-flops and making his way to the sink where he fixes himself a glass of water.

“Hi babe,” you reply, watching him down the drink before he lowers his hand, wiping his mouth.

You both regard each other for a few moments before you clear your throat. 

He looks at you expectantly. “What’s wrong?”

You’re grinning, nudging your head to the calendar. 

Raihan watches you silently, taking another sip.

“...Aren’t you forgetting something?” you say, your grin widening.

He takes another sip.

You end up huffing, crossing your arms. “Rai. Today is-”

“Ah, that’s right,” Raihan says, before he smirks at you. You nod, sitting up properly in your seat. “How could I forget?”

“Yes yes?”

“It’s your-”

“Yes?”

“It’s your b-”

You’re leaning further in your seat expectantly. “Yes?”

“Brother’s seminar today, isn’t it? He’s hosting a special training event at Hammerlocke University.”

There is a brief silence following his reply.

“Oh....” you mumble out; you’re visibly deflating, slumping in your seat and throwing your saddened gaze to the floor, “....Yeah, it is. Funny you remembered that and not...well, you know.”

But he’s looking at the clock, “Shouldn’t you be heading for work now?” he adds, “You’re gonna be late.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you finish the rest of your cereal as quickly as you can and slide off your seat, grabbing your bag, donning your coat and slinging it over your shoulder. “I’ll be back at six.”

“Okay, see ya. Have fun at work.” Raihan says, and he pulls you in for a quick kiss before pinching you briefly on the ass, and you leave the house.

Once the door closes, Raihan rubs the back of his neck awkwardly when he recalls how disappointed you look, “....I’m really pushing it, aren’t I?” he utters to himself. 

...

Raihan couldn’t have forgotten the date of your birthday, could he?

You’ve been together for years now.

At work, your coworkers surprise you with a birthday card and a box of chocolates which you are grateful for. You will be going out for drinks with them another day.

They ask you what Raihan got you for your birthday and if he surprised you with anything this morning but you tell them he didn’t mention anything but he remembered your brother’s seminar, not your birthday.

They’re stunned by the revelation and you think, hell I should’ve kept my trap shut because it sounds embarrassing but they tell you maybe he has a surprise waiting for you at home.

You inwardly hope that’s the case.

Work is over in a pinch and you begin to finish up for the day, leaving the office.

You always treat yourself to something nice on your birthday but today you will just pop into the grocery store and buy one of your favourite snacks. 

Once you’ve grabbed a few packets and paid for them, you head home with your goodies and check your phone. You haven’t received any messages from Raihan all day; he’s been awfully silent since and you can’t help but feel extremely disappointed but also, this is rather uncharacteristic of him. 

However, when you open the front door and step inside, you realise the entire hallway has been outlined with little chubby candles.

Your jaw drops open in shock.

“What the...”

And you hastily put down the bag of groceries on the cupboard and kick off your shoes, glancing around.

It’s a pleasant surprise so you step further down the dimly lit hallway, smiling to yourself as you marvel the beautiful display. 

You follow the candles all the way towards your shared bedroom and you open the door only to bring your hands to your mouth to cover your gasp.

Raihan sits on the bed facing you, which is decorated entirely with rose petals and in front of him on the floor are a number of Goomy arranged to form a heart. They all look up at you, blinking their little beady eyes upon your arrival.

“Oh my god!” You exclaim before Raihan grins widely; he’s holding a little silver harmonica in hand.

“Hey baby girl,” he replies, as you gape at the group of Goomy who gurgle happily at you, before you avert your gaze to the gym leader.

“What is this????”

“Your birthday present,” Raihan’s grin broadens. “Watch.”

He lifts the harmonica to his lips and blow a single note which rings lightly in the air, and suddenly the Goomy begin to sing in harmony to the tune of the ‘Happy Birthday’ song.

You smack a hand over your mouth with delight and shock as they warble. 

The Goomy seem to know when to take turns and harmonise in a series of watery gurgles and loud chirping and begin waving to and fro in a mesmerising pattern, their round and squishy bodies bobbing up and down in tune to the song whilst their little horns wiggle in the air. 

The song is almost finished and a particularly chubby Goomy opens its mouth wide and emits a low bass tone to finish the song which makes you giggle.

You squat in front of the group once the song is over and the Goomy cheerfully gather around you as you hold your arms out.

“That was amazing!!!” you gush, patting each and every one of them on their heads and stroking their horns. They line up single file and you giggle and proceed to lift each and every Goomy off the floor and into your arms, hugging them tightly, and pecking them on the top of their heads one by one. “You guys were awesome!”

Once you’re finished, the Goomy jump up and down on their spots happily and you move to stand; Raihan beckons you closer to him and you eagerly step over towards him and he pulls you into his arms and settles you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“I thought you forgot...” you say with a pout, fiddling with the white little straps of his hoodie.

“I’d never forget your birthday,” he murmurs, reaching forwards to press a sweet kiss on your lips. 

“Is this the reason why you were always coming home so late? You were teaching them to sing for me...”

“Yeah.”

“And that smell!” you exclaim.

Raihan blinks blankly at you. “What smell?”

“It’s Goomy,” you chuckle and slink your arms around his neck, kissing him tentatively in response. “I should’ve known.”

“Hehe, but you didn't. Did you like it?” he asks, before he leans forwards and presses his lips deeply against the curve of your cheek, letting go to briefly nuzzle you at the same time, making you squirm and giggle in his grip.

“Yes!” you exclaim, before you throw your arms around him tightly. “Thank you so much, I love it!”

“Anything for you, baby girl,” he replies with a grin, and you smile as he encircles his arms around you, bringing you into a deep, passionate kiss.

EXTRA:

Raihan’s gotten you more gifts of course. He spoils you rotten.

Also, no Goomy’s were harmed in this production.

-------------

Note:

I even made a meme for this:

[movienotesbyzawmer]

April 6: Rocky

I have learned that the six Rocky movies (so all of the Rocky ones but not the Creed movies) are available on HBO Max. I was looking for a new watch-and-take-notes-and-post-the-notes project, so yo. Check it.

I've seen all six of these movies. I saw most of this one in the theater, like, back then! I was terribly terribly young! Maybe 7. I remember my friend Greg really wanted to see it, but our parents wouldn't let us. So we had them drop us off to see Capricorn One, but Greg made us sneak in to watch Rocky instead. He was so excited about it he wanted to play-punch afterward, but it hurt and I didn't like play-punch. I also didn't care about the movie. You know what movie is decent, though? Capricorn One. Although the supporting performance from O.J. Simpson might throw ya.

Anyway, since its release the reputation of this movie has remained very strong. It won Best Picture in an extremely competitive year. It is very much the Rocky Balboa of that year's awards contenders! But I'm pretty sure I'm going to be watching this first movie and admiring its scrappiness, then watching the subsequent ones and rolling my eyes at their formulaic-ness.

The opening fanfare sets the atmosphere really awesomely actually.

Oh also I don't care at all for boxing. And yet it seems like the idea of it is good drama fodder, I mean the idea of a sport of just two people punching each other until one of them is the winner at that.

So the first scene is a boxing match in a little church somewhere. Some people are in attendance who apparently like to pass the time watching punching. Rocky is bloody and hangdog. After the fight, which Rocky won, both fighters convalesce next to each other in a back room, kind of indifferently. But we have learned that punch-sport is a part of Christian life.

Rocky walks home through the gritty streets, past his friends who sing rudimentary a capella music on a street corner. They should work on the complexity of their harmonies.

Rocky is home and his home is gritty also. Atmosphere. He has a tank with animals in it. I cannot tell what the animals are. He talks to them. Personality.

He has a mirror he looks at and the mirror is decorated with pictures of Young Sylvester Stallone. They are totally pictures of him as a boy and young man. But Sylvester Stallone was not in character as Rocky Balboa when he took those pictures. It is a little jarring.

At the pet store the next day we are introduced to Adrian. That is the spelling, I checked. She is very very very shy-acting. The director told her to act shy, and she was like OH I'M GOING TO MEET AND EXCEED THOSE EXPECTATIONS.

Rocky's next stop is The Docks. I am surprised that Philadelphia has a dock area with such large ships, but I guess that's real. But I'm also surprised that he's there on the business of being the muscle for a loan shark. I didn't remember about that side of Rocky's complex, complex personality.

That scene just ended with a very 80s-teen-movie moment; a fellow thug rolled down his window and bullyingly yelled, "so long, meatbag!" We feel so bad that Rocky doesn't have the respect of his coworkers in the loan shark gang.

After getting dressed down by his gangster colleagues, he then goes to his gym and there's this whole thing about how the coach guy is so sick of Rocky's boxing mediocrity that they gave someone else his locker. It seems like that wouldn't happen. On his way out, the other boxer taunts him by saying he's pumped to be in receipt of Rocky's locker which is a very fine locker. We saw it, though. It was just a locker.

Adrian again. Broad caricature of an introverted person. I don't buy it maybe. Then a scene in a bar and the conversation with the bartender is also dumb fakey acting.

He later came upon a bunch of jerks on a corner, but among them was an awkward teenage girl that he knows. He makes her leave with him and tries to give him avuncular advice, but that scene ends with her telling him, "screw you creepo!" The exposition of this movie has a very opaque strategy.

0:30:00 - A scene with Apollo Creed does some more very unnatural exposition, setting up the premise that some local underdog is going to get a chance to fight him. This doesn't seem like an acclaimed movie. This seems like a scene in a cheap romance movie where the Handsome Man confesses to his best friend that what he's really looking for in a woman is someone not so pretty.

AC is flipping through a straight-up book, looking for a good boxer to fight on January 1, 1976, to celebrate the bicentennial. I'm a little "wha?" about some of this. He chooses Rocky Balboa because of his catchy "Italian Stallion" nickname and remember because Columbus was Italian so

Rocky and Adrian go on a date. It's Thanksgiving but that happens anyway. It does not bristle with romantic energy. It reeks of social obligations. It seems like the beginning of the kind of loveless relationship your grandparents began in the 1940s in their dustbowl-decimated agrarian community.

They are back at his little shithole apartment and he is a persistent man and I do not root for this relationship.

Things escalated kind of quickly. Rocky got invited to an agent guy's fancy office and offered a chance to fight for the World Heavyweight Championship. The next scene, everyone knows about it and he's on TV. He seems like a dumb lug. How can he possibly succeed. Good job contrasting his character with the big celebrity, though.

Burges Meredith is oddly appealing as this surly, pirate-talking boxer-coach-manager guy. He comes to Rocky's apartment sucking up, and Rocky isn't receptive, I'm pretty much buying BM's different emotions, and Rocky's.

1:11:24 - Pretty sure my friend and I talked a lot about this scene when we saw it back then, he fills a glass with raw eggs and drinks it up. All one shot, baby.

This scene with Paulie, Adrian's brother who is Rocky's friend, I don't like. Paulie is a bad friend. That scene ends with Rocky beating up pig carcasses. They should have just had that part.

His hands are bloody when he punches the meat things. That's his blood, right? That's not like animal flesh?

We just had a very melodramatic scene with Rocky and Adrian and Pauly, and Pauly just went nuts. This time, at least, Rocky and Adrian react to him the way you'd think people normally would.

1:30:55 - Famous training montage. I think as this movie series progresses these montages get more stylish. As it is, it's going for just a rousing moment of "he seems confident as he trains", as the music pumps you up with the profound lyrics, "trying hard now" and "getting strong now".

They have actually explained almost nothing about the specifics of boxing. I realize that now as Rocky says "no one has ever gone the distance with Creed". Which I think means something about going all 15 rounds, right? But the point is that I haven't had to hear much about stuff like that, and I honestly don't mind that.

1:44:30 - Ew, some actually kind of bad stock footage of the crowd at the fight. Oh, but then a cameo by actual Joe Frazier, probably.

As the fight begins I gotta say I have been effectively made to root for this underdog hero. I've been indifferent to most of the movie so far, and I'm indifferent to boxing, but ferrealz I'm excited to watch this fight.

It's cinematic with lots of angles that you don't see when you're watching actual fights (I assume), but also the actual fight-acting by Stallone and Carl Weathers seems like they're getting it right. That can't be easy, right? I mean, it's punching! Faces!

1:54:11 - Oh shit I remember this ahhhhhh his eye his eye, his EYE is swollen shut and he tells them to cut it open! That, like, what? He's going to go back out and fight with his eyelid literally slashed open WHAT

They weren't even that careful doing that slice

I thought they would be relying more on the commentators as narrators to tell us what to feel, but it's really all the cinematic storytelling that is getting it done.

But the aftermath of the fight is like opera, everyone is passionate and yelling and it doesn't work on me as well as it must for most people. I don't even exactly get what the outcome of the fight is (partly because I don't understand boxing). But that's the point, at least a little bit; in the heat of passion he just wants to tell Adrian that he loves her. That works well for this movie. And the way it just ends in that swirl of excitement, no denouement, it's really effective.

So overall there are lots of things about this movie that I don't care for, but there are some things to appreciate. It's not a fancy movie, but it seems like they did a particularly good job with the final boxing match feeling like exciting movie drama while also seeming like authentic boxing. As if I know anything about authentic boxing.

I don't agree that it should have won Best Picture over Network, All the President's Men, and Taxi Driver.

One last observation: looking back, I'm pretty sure that scene with the teenage girl is a result of the observation that the movie greatly lacks females.

(next: Rocky II)

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 15: Aaron*

After Roger*, I don’t completely leave the app game, but I don’t go on any dates. I talk to a couple guys for a short bit, but nothing really sticks. One guy is kind of creepy, and even drops the “love” bomb on me, and I straight up yikes him. 

I knew when I matched with Aaron* and saw “Conservative” listed on his Bumble profile, that it was not going to work out. However, I was still coming off my fucking with people state, despite this now being the end of June, almost a month after my last date, that had been with Roger*. However, he is a nice looking, all-American looking man. Blonde hair, blue eyes, decently tall, fit but not overly buff, also does jiu-jitsu, so I say fuck it let’s see what happens. 

I even started my first message to him about this: “oh shoot you’re conservative” he asks if that is a problem, which I respond with “depends.” He asks what it depends on, and I say “if you own a maga hat.” He comes back with “Am I in more trouble if I own 2?”

Why would a person need two MAGA hats? I don’t know. This is something I will never know, and I’m okay with that information. He jokes about us both being able to wear one. I say definitely not. He asks why. I explain my DJT sentiments, “He’s constantly running his mouth when he shouldn’t/he has no chill. He’s terrible to women. His interests are biased to benefit businesses/his rich buddies and not the people.” 

Expecting him to debate with me with some bullshit, instead, he says I have fair criticism and agrees with my first point. We talk more politics, I say the party system itself sucks, which he admits he thinks we are closer politically than he thought. He purposely changes the subject, with the all wonderful “what are you looking for on here?” question. Blah blah blah.

He said he says I have a good plan and he “matched with [me] cause [I’m] cute and seemed like [I’d] be fun to play some vidya with.” We then talk games and systems for a bit. He asks me for my Snapchat username, then our conversations continue strictly on there for the foreseeable future. He mentions something about feeding his dogs raw chicken, and due to my job working in veterinary medicine, I let him know that isn’t a good idea. He tries to mansplain me, and I clap back, saying that whereas raw red meat is fine for them, raw chicken isn’t and I’ve seen a lot of dogs get sick. He thanks me for the information and drops it. I respect how he backs off and listens.

We set up a date for a Wednesday, but then the day of, I get some news that my coworker I work closely with at one of my jobs, may have contracted coronavirus. I let him know that I don’t want to risk it, just in case I may have gotten it. Instead, I suggest we do a video chat instead. 

Video chat actually ends up being pretty fun and is a nice way to get to know each other without going out out. He has two dogs and I get to see them. He mentions that he played World of Warcraft and I’m surprised. He looks more like a pretty boy type and not nerdy like that, despite us talking about other video games previously. I then suggest we play some video games together for the rest of the night. We even add each other on discord/Battlenet (Blizzard Games) and play Heroes of the Storms together. He and I actually work very well as a team and opt to play a character together which requires complete teamwork as you share a body with different powers. It’s a difficult character to play, so normally I don’t play it, even with my friends. This gives me a glimmer of, hey maybe I could make this work: naive. 

I decide one day I should ask some non-superficial questions to get to know if the MAGA thing is something I can ignore for better qualities. I ask him about his goals and his future.

He mentions he wants to own a lot of land and grow his own food, have some cows. So basically he wants to be a farmer? Definitely not a life I could see myself in. I mention as well that my future doesn’t involve kids. He says he definitely would want to have kids. 

I ask him why he feels the need to have children. He simply says, “Idk it’s just what you do.” TO which, I intelligently let him know, “just because it’s what you do, doesn’t mean it’s what YOU do.” Essentially, fuck societal rules, live your life as your own. He sticks to his guns, which are his rights. I kinda just remove myself from the conversation as it doesn’t go anywhere. 

At the same time, I’m also chatting with another guy. This guy is way more compatible personality-wise, but he isn’t really physically attractive to me. I feel bad as I am practically stringing him along. I even had a video chat date with him around the same time as Aaron*, but whereas he is nice, I don’t see him as a romantic prospect, which makes me more confused. 

Despite our conversation that would seem like an end-all for the relationship continuing, Aaron* continues to send me Snapchats, which are nice eye candy. He goes to the gym and would send me pictures of him in the sauna, ie shirtless pictures. He asks me out again, and I confirm that he is still interested. He asks fairly if he has indicated in any way that he was no longer interested. Also adds he wants to see where things go and at least give it a shot and is willing to risk the possibility of my coronavirus exposure. Fair enough. 

We reschedule essentially the date we were gonna have earlier that week, going to the same Greek restaurant. I get there first and wait in my car. Somehow I am not paying attention when he arrives, and he says he is there but doesn’t see me inside. So I walk up to him in the restaurant and give him a hug. He is the only one there, so it is easy to spot him. We share a platter of hummus and veggies, just talk, and have a good time. I get a sense, as I did during the video chat as well, that he is more introverted than I am and on the quieter side. The restaurant is closing for the day, and we are done eating, so we head out. Walking to our cars, he asks if I wanna come over and meet his dogs since he lives ten minutes away. I agree. 

I half follow google maps with the address he gives me, half just follow him. Jokingly when we arrive and we start to walk in, I ask him if he’s going to murder me. He laughs and says no. As I add “not this time at least.” 

I get to meet his dogs, one is definitely a wild child. We play Super Smash Bros on his Switch, and after only winning one round and getting obliterated otherwise, I ask if we can play something more co-op. We bring out Mario Party but are kind of confused about how anything works. Instead, we opt to just watch a movie instead. We cuddle and watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

At the end of the movie, it is late and I say that I’m gonna head out. He walks me to our car and we kiss goodnight a couple of times. Unfortunately for me, I was happy to kiss him goodnight. I do ask him that he actually give me his number, though he had given me a similar story like Darren*, saying his service isn’t good and he chats primarily via Snapchat. 

We talk some more and set up another date. I invite him over for dinner. When he arrives he tries to kiss me at his car side when I greet him which catches me off guard. I’m not huge into PDA so I don’t really know what to do. He seems fine when I instead give him a kiss hello when we get inside. I make the food and all seems good. He gets along with my dog very well and they’re having fun. We eat our food then decide to go to the couch to watch a movie. We settle on Toy Story 4 as I determine that he should see it since he hasn’t. During the movie, he initiates kissing a few times. At some point though, it gets a little more heated as kissing becomes a true makeout session, and he lays me down on the couch. His kisses are a little more hungry, and honestly, I’m not super into his style and feel more like I’m just kind of there. I stop him and say “can w talk about something really quick?” I can tell that he is trying to lead up to things, and given the fact that we are on very different paths for the future, though it would be a good time to discuss where we are at. I pause the movie officially. I say I like him and ask him what his realistic expectations for us would be. He says that given our opposite feelings towards children, that “well we wouldn’t get married, but I definitely want whatever is the next step under that. Until I’m ready for something more serious with a person that would want kids” I simply respond that I am looking for something that would be potentially more serious, and don’t think we want the same things. I make a joke about him not wanting to get married, and that I already have the venue picked out, Sabrina has a flower girl dress, etc. Just to lighten the mood. He laughs and we continue watching the movies.

At the end of the movie he again initiates kissing me. I’m confused, I thought we had essentially ended whatever was going on via our conversation. He then just asks me, “hey would you want to fool around a little before I leave?” Again, given the conversation we had just had, I don’t think this man really understands where I am at. “No, I don’t really wanna do that now,” I say to him. We watch some short skits and then I say it’s probably time for him to go. I ask that he lets me know when he gets back home. 

We video game together a couple more times, he sends me more shirtless pics, I just kind of ignore him/don’t respond as much, as especially after his reaction of trying to sleep with me, I am officially no longer interested.

We went from #1 best Snapchat friends with a 12-day streak to nada, but oh well. He still looks at my stories sometimes but never initiates contact. I wish him the best and hope he gets what he wants.

[thruheavenandhighwater]

Old And New

Pairing: Ashton Irwin/ Female OC

Requested By: N/A (inspired by @irwinkitten and this blurb)

Word Count: 2,157

Summary: Ashton runs into an old hookup a few years after. 

Lights flashing in her eyes, music thumping in her ears, and alcohol flowing through her. That was exactly how Amber Austin spent most of her weekend nights. She'd just turned 21, and was out to make the most of it. Tonight had started just like any other. She got together with a few girls from work, got dolled up, and hit the town.

She was a few drink deep, and had a little over an hour until the bar closed when she saw him. He was tall, but not too tall. Blond hair with a single, perfectly placed curl falling over his forehead. His leather jacket looked almost too cool as it sat over his barely half buttoned red shirt. She watched as he excused himself from his group of friends. Draining her drink and setting the empty glass on the bar in front of her, she waited. She knew he was coming over to her, probably some stupid line on his lips. She also knew that whatever that line was, it would definitely work. It was late and she was ready for a good time.

“Hello,” He said, leaning on his elbows next to her. She turned slightly, smiling up to him. “What are ya drinkin’, gorgeous?”

“Whiskey neat.”

She didn't miss the slight raise of his brows as he put two fingers up, catching the bartender's attention. He motioned silently, ordering their drinks. Amber offered the bartender the slight smile as he set their glasses in front of them. She was here enough that even he knew exactly what this was leading too.

“So,” He started, lifting his glass to his lips. “What's got you drinking whiskey alone tonight?”

Amber shrugged before taking a sip of her own drink. “Nobody to drink it with.”

“Fair enough,” He chuckled. “Mind if I change that?”

“Not at all.”

He smiled as he took a seat on the bar stool next to her.

The pair finished their drinks quickly, with him ordering a second round without asking her. She liked that about him. By the time she was half finished with her second drink, Amber was starting to wonder where this was actually going. She was used to guys buying her a drink and immediately asking to take her home. But this particular guy seemed to be taking his time. He checked the time on his watch (which she couldn't help but to notice looked expensive) as he set his second empty glass on the bar.

“You live close?” He asked.

“Kinda, but my car is right outside.”

“Your car?”

Amber shrugged, wouldn't be the first time someone's hooked up in the parking lot of a bar. He wordlessly stood from his stool, pausing for just a moment before leading her to the door. She stepped around him, pulling her key from her bag as she walked to her car. She clicked a button and the tail lights of her car flashed a few rows ahead.

“Wait-” he said, grabbing her arm. “What's your name?”

“Amber.”

“Ashton.”

“Nice to meet you, can we..?” She asked, gesturing to her car. He smiled and put his hand out, motioning her forward.

Both Ashton and Amber had moved on from that night. They'd had their fun, said their goodbyes, and never looked back. The world kept turning. The sun rose and fell. The seasons changed. Life continued. For four years.

Ashton was back in Seattle, finally. He loved the city and never cared for how little time he got the spend there. But now the band was on a break and he was here for pleasure instead of business. He stepped out of a small cafe, coffee in hand as the early afternoon sun warmed his face.

He took a sip from his drink and started down the sidewalk.  He smiled to himself as the sounds of one of his favorite cities filled his ears. He spotted a small music store just ahead, and beelined for the door.

A small bell chimed over his head as he opened the door. He heard some strange sounding indie song playing over the speakers. He didn't know it, but he liked it. There was a guy and a girl laughing behind the counter. He watched her for a moment. She looked so familiar. Maybe she'd been at the meet and greet last time they were here. He was almost certain he'd never been to this shop before, since he didn't usually have time to sightsee on tour.

He stepped further into the shop. Walking slowly down the rows and rows of new and used vinyl records, he flipped through a few but couldn’t keep his mind off of the girl behind the counter. He knew her from somewhere. He heard a laugh behind him and turned just slightly toward the sound. It was coming from her. Her head was thrown back, her blond hair falling down her back as she laughed loudly to whatever her coworker had said. He liked the sound of her laugh, even if he didn’t know how he remembered her.

He continued to shop, tucking a few records under his arm as he walked through the store. He was just about to turn down another aisle when it hit him. He knew her because he’d hooked up with her the last time the band had something of a night off in Seattle. It was after a show, and they weren’t leaving until the next morning. He and the guys had decided to check out whatever nightlife Seattle had to offer. And he had met her.

He felt his face go warm as he recalled their time together. Hot and fast and nearly anonymous in the back seat of her car. He remembered how carefree she had been as she talked and drank with him. He remembered the way she had giggled as they tried to figure out the mechanics of having sex in the back seat of a compact car, clearly a learning experience for the both of them. He remembered everything about that night, other than her name. Amanda? Ashley?

“Hey,” She appeared beside him, almost making him drop his coffee as she caught him off guard. “Need help with anything?”

“Uh, no,” He smiled. Surely she had to recognize him, too.

“Okay, just let one of us know if ya change your mind.” She smiled and started to turn away.

“Wait-”

She turned back, her smile wider now. “Change your mind already?”

“No,” He answered, turning his smile to the ground for a moment. “Just, uh, you don't remember me?”

She looked at him for a moment, he could see the gears turning in her head. Before he could apologize, thinking he must have made a mistake, her eyes widened and her smile fell. “Fuck.”

“Yeah, basically.” He laughed. He didn’t miss the way her stance changed instantly. She seemed almost uncomfortable as she put on a fake smile.

“Sorry, just been a long time, huh?” She asked, an awkward laugh falling from her lips as she crossed her arms in front of her.

“Few years, yeah.”

“How’ve ya been?”

“Not bad at all, and you?”

“Good, good,” She answered, her shoulders relaxing just slightly. “Busy with work and life and stuff. You know, the usual.”

“Yeah, same here.” He took half a step closer to her, lowering his voice. “So, uh, you think we could meet up later? Maybe catch up a bit?”

“Sure,” She answered. She nodded to the cup in his hand. “Meet there tomorrow?”

“How’s 10 sound?” She nodded and started to turn away again. “Wait, so sorry, but what was your name again?”

“Amber.”

“Ashton.”

Amber smiled, her lips not parting even slightly as she turned away from him. He watched as she walked behind the counter. She touched her coworkers arm and he leaned down, his ear coming close to her lips as she whispered something to him before retreating behind a door. Ashton noticed that she didn't come out from behind that door for the entire time he was there.

The next morning, at 9:50, Ashton was already at a table outside of the small cafe from yesterday. He was a bit early, but he didn't mind the wait. He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket and started to scroll through various social media.

Before he knew it, it was twenty past ten. He looked up from his phone, craning his neck as he looked up and down the street. He began to think that she'd stood him up. Maybe she forgot?

Just as he was about to stand to leave, he saw her walking up the street. She was holding the hand of a young girl. Her purple tutu didn't match the orange t-shirt or yellow sunglasses she wore, but he had to say that he liked her style. Amber smiled at him as the two got close to his table.

“Hey, sorry,” She sighed. “My sitter flaked at, like, the last possible second.”

Ashton stood, pulling her into a hug. “No worries. And who's this?” He asked, turning his attention to the little girl at her side.

“This is Charlotte, but we call her Charlie.” She knelt down, speaking softly as she brushed some dirty blond hair from Charlie's face. “You wanna say hello to Ashton?”

“Hi, Aston.” She said quietly. He chuckled to himself at her mispronunciation.

“Hello, Charlie. I like your glasses.”

“Thank you!” She said, bouncing slightly. “Mommy let me pick them out.”

“All by yourself?” He asked her. She nodded proudly. “Well, you did a wonderful job picking.”

Amber stood up straight, offering Ashton a sorry looking expression. “I know we were supposed to do coffee. But there's a park down the street and I think if I distract her with a jungle gym, we might be able to actually talk.” She took Charlie's hand again. “I mean, if you still wanted to catch up. I get it if you don't wanna hang with a three year old.”

Ashton grabbed his drink, shoving his phone into his pocket. “Definitely. Maybe I'll show you ladies how high I can swing.”

When they got to the park Amber set Charlie loose in an area for smaller children. She took off like a rocket towards the jungle gym, just like Amber had said she would.

“She's yours?” Ashton asked as they sat on a bench nearby.

“Yup,” Amber smiled. “My little monster.”

“She looks just like you.”

She smiled again, turning her attention to her daughter. Charlie was currently almost halfway across the monkey bars, her pink tennis shoes thrown to the side. “Yeah,” She agreed. “I get that a lot.”

The pair watched Charlie play for a bit while they caught up on the last four years. Ashton gushed about tours and the new album he was working on. Amber gushed about Charlie and how good she was doing in pre-school.

“I can't even imagine being a parent right now.” Ashton said with a heavy sigh. “Someday, sure. But not for a while. I don't know how you're doing it.”

“One day at a time.” She shrugged.

Before he could respond, they heard what could only be described as the worst sound ever. Charlie was lying on the ground, clutching her shoulder as she wailed loudly. Amber stood and ran to her. Unsure what to do or what help he could even offer, Ashton stayed put.

“What happened?”

“I- I-” Charlie tried to explain through sobs.

“Calm down, baby.” Amber cooed. “Take a deep breath.” Ashton watched as Amber coached her daughter through a few deep breaths. “Now, tell me what happened.”

Charlie sniffled a few times, wiped her eyes with her hands, and took one more deep breath. “I was hanging on my feet,” She paused for a few more sniffles. “And I fell.”

“What did I say would happen if you kept doing that, Charlotte Ann?”

“I will get hurt.”

“And what happened?”

“I got hurt.”

Amber helped Charlie to stand and brushed the dirt from her arms and knees. “Come on, Grace. Let's go sit down and cool off for a bit.” She said as she lead her to the bench. Charlie sat between Ashton and her mother while Amber pulled a pack of fruit gummies from her purse.

“Grace?” Ashton asked.

“Short for graceful.” Amber laughed. “This one's got a real knack for getting herself hurt. Don't ya, kid?”

“Grandma says I'm clumsy.” Charlie answered, turning to Ashton.

Ashton felt his heart drop to his stomach, which, in turn, dropped to his knees. With her sunglasses off, Ashton could finally see her eyes. Or rather, his own. Big, and beautiful bright green in the autumn sun.

He looked up to Amber, his throat drying by the moment. He knew. And she knew that he did.

“Ashton, hold on,” She said almost frantically. “I can explain everything, if you want me to.”

~~~

She’s back, hunnys!! Life has been insane recently so I haven’t been writing, like, at all. But then a few weeks ago I read Laura’s blurb and just had to keep going with it. Endless love and thanks to her for trusting me not to fuck this up. I hope you like this, and the coming chapters ♥ Thank you all for being patient with me while I’ve been away. I hope I haven’t lost my touch. 

As always, if you have any requests, or would like to be tagged in future 5sos fics please let me know!  

Tag List: @crownedbyluke @24kcalum @blue-skies-are-alright @lmao5sosimagines @therainydays4 @rosecth @thesoundsyoumake @kinglyhemmings @a-little-international @harryandthelesbians @lukescherrypie @ashotofblues @youngblood199456 @rexorangecouny @cashton-queen @tothemoonwithclifford @babylon-uncrowned @asht0ns-world @abitloudforanaccousticset @gettingjillywithit @itjustkindahappenedreally @dancingonanemptywallet @lustingforwunder @mysticalhood @5sos-are-banhanhas @cxddlyash @sweetmisseddreams2002 @myloverboyash @lazerdaize @valentinelrh @irwinkitten

[1wngdngl]

Pokemon Shield playthrough - Part 5

Back again with another post! This one covers Route 5 and the Water Gym.

Just as I start down the route, I encounter the Cameraman/Reporter duo, who are a classic trainer pair from past games. Given that all the Gym Challenge stuff is a big spectacle in the Galar region, it makes perfect sense that Gym Challengers would get interviewed along the way.

This horde of Minccino chased after me. It was adorable.

I discovered the Pokemon breeding-grounds - or at least, the artificial version of it. This is not the same as the old “Day-Care” that could also level up Pokemon. The Nursery is solely for eggs, while Levelling up can be done with PokeJobs and the experience candies.

The people here are really nice - they gave me a free rare Pokemon!

It’s like a baby dinosaur! I believe this is also the first Poison-Electric combo we’ve had.

Since I don’t want to have duplicate types, I remove Yamper from the team. I prefer dual-types, plus this purple dinosaur looks cooler. Okay, so he starts at Level 1, and he’s pretty frail, but I can be patient.

Leaving the Nursery behind, I encounter another traditional trainer class - the Chef. He sends out food to attack me.

I also find a wild Wobbuffet - and promptly realize just how horrible its catch rate is.

I wasted every last Poke Ball on this fiend. At least he gave decent experience when I knocked his lights out.

I consoled myself by catching the weird apple creature for myself. Here’s another unique type combo - Grass and Dragon (wait, does Mega Sceptile have that typing?) It only knows a defense-raising move and the incredibly-weak Astonish, and has horrible stats all around. I’m sure it will evolve into something great, if I can figure it out. (btw, is it weird that Galar has both apples /and/ “Leppa” berries?)

I decided that my psychic-bug-cocoon wasn’t doing enough for me, so it got booted off the team.

I also got a second try at Wobbuffet ;)

This guy has a nice camping spot for himself. He never leaves. Maybe he ran away from home?

Seeing a pink puffball and an apple fight over a toy is too cute for words.

My coworker also has this game, and was kind enough to trade over this incredibly-high level Wingull. Not that I really plan to use it, but it /does/ have Pokerus. You’d think by now the nurses and professors of the Pokemon world would have learned to harness the power of Pokerus and turn it into a mandatory booster shot.

Back on track, these silly Team Yell people are blocking the bridge forward.

I get to see what my Dark-type fox /could/ have evolved into, if it were still on my team :( It looks like a proper gentleman-thief.

I love Pokemon - you save someone from getting their precious possession stolen, and as thanks, they give you their precious possession.

Too bad the outfit for it is so garish.

The blue color is a little better though.

Now that I have a bike, I can go into the Wild Area and try the Rotom Rally mini-game. It’s basically a time trial as you travel between different regions of the Wild Area. It looks like you can’t get attacked by wild Pokemon while in this Rally mode, so it’s probably the quickest way to get around (minus the flying taxi, of course).

These guys can also upgrade your bike a bit, but it’s expensive. And they don’t have the ride-on-water option either.

You know, Serebii.net says that Bunnelby doesn’t evolve until Level 20. This is an illegal Diggersby here!

Okay. Back on the bridge. Riding is so much faster than walking, but I keep stopping anyway to grab hidden items and look at the scenery. You can see the Dragon city in the background.

Another fight with my rival on the bridge. His Scorbunny has evolved, but it’s still not too tough.

In this place, Eldegoss literally float by on the wind. 

Here’s the tunnel that ducks under the train tracks. What could be on the other side?

That can wait! First, I gotta get my Pokemon sent out on more jobs. I love this logo that’s a blatant KFC rip-off.

Oh, I also discovered that you can, in fact, change the wallpaper of PC boxes. All of the choices are pretty boring, though.

Also, my coworker invited me on a raid battle with a 5-star Ditto. I have a bad feeling about this...

Scorbunny’s final form is so majestic.

None of the previous raid battles I fought had “barriers”! Is that something that only shows up in multiplayer raids?

This is it. We’ve weakened it, and now I have the chance to obtain this rare, useful, iconic Pokemon for myself...

Yeah, I failed the capture. I didn’t know they could fail. At least I got some good loot.

FINALLY, I make it to the seaside town of Hulbury. I wonder which British coastal town this is based on? For being the main port of the region, it’s not really all that big.

We encounter Chairman Rose and some of his “admirers”.

We also learn a little more about the relationship between Rose and Bede. Apparently Bede really wants to impress the Chairman, so maybe he’s not so much “working for him” as trying to gain his favor.

You know, I really don’t think he pulls off that outfit. What is it even - a mix of baseball uniform and swim trunks?

Oleana thinks she can boss me around.

I don’t owe you anything, silly person! This is /my/ Pokemon journey. And I’ll take as long as I want. ^.^

Sigh...Why can’t I just throw my coal monster at these goons to get past? My character is way too nice.

Oh, here’s another look at that elephant Pokemon that the Chairman had. It looks like it’s wearing a little hat.

Also, please be more creative when naming locations.

Here’s the “bustling market” I was told about? Must be a slow day.

We’ve got the stock “bitter medicine” booth (I never use these)...

Ah! Here’s something useful. You can bet I will use this item to maximize my earnings from every battle. I haven't seen an option to re-battle trainers yet, and those cool outfits won’t buy themselves.

I trade away for a Cottonee. You know, why don’t people in real life just trade pets with each other whenever they feel like it?

Pokemon, Pokemon...People already say your recent games are too easy, and now you’re giving me a free held item that’s super-effective against the current Gym? (Yet another sign that you should ignore Oleana and /not/ go straight to the Gym upon arrival.)

If nothing else, Hulbury is scenic. I bet the dock is covered with Wingull droppings though.

These people obviously don’t get the point of Pokemon.

With the hills overlooking the sea, I’m reminded of Los Angeles - or was it San Francisco? It’s probably a lot colder in Hulbury though.

Here’s the train station at the top of the town. Of course it can’t take me anywhere new. What if my dying grandmother lived in the next town over - would you let me get on /then/?

I never got into Pokemon’s post-game battle facilities much. I wonder what Galar will have in that department.

I go fishing in the pier, and find a few new Pokemon. That seems to confirm that what you catch is based on where you are, so there’s no rod upgrades.

Good to see that Basculin still comes in two forms. I’m guessing Sword version has the red form?

Another sneaky way to help players - hide a Chinchou in the pier. Its electric attacks would also be useful against the Water Gym.

Aha! Here’s that Pokemon we saw in the trailer, when everyone wasn’t sure if it /was/ a Pokemon or just a generic fish. Well, it is real, though it doesn’t look that useful. It actually looks like a skinnier version of red-striped Basculin.

Nope, not keeping you. I only have six slots!

Some more postcard pictures.

Here’s that weird-looking Pokemon that was also glimpsed in the trailer. Will I be able to find this in the wild?

A hidden Electric-type TM. This is why you explore and do side stuff /before/ continuing the main story.

About ready to face the Gym now. First, now that I’ve entered a new town, I have some new options for my league card.

Here’s a brief look at where I am so far.

And a preview of Nessa. That pose cannot be comfortable.

My team. I’m hoping Avery’s Electric attacks will help, even though he is a bit under-leveled...

First, the Gym puzzle. It’s not really that hard. You could probably do it completely by accident.

In the old days, we had puzzles involving sliding around on icy floors, and using the Strength HM to push boulders into the correct holes. Now /that/ was a puzzle!

I wonder if Nessa ever gets cold, wearing that?

Her Dreadnaw wasn’t a super-high level, but it was incredibly powerful.

It knocked out my Dynamaxed Pokemon, even when the Dreadnaw itself was small!

I had no choice but to pull out my starter, and fight water with water.

Turns out Nessa’s calm demeanor breaks when she faces failure.

And now it’s dusk. I still don’t get how time of day works in this game - is it just an aesthetic thing related to the story?

A change in lighting can make for totally different pictures.

I have access to a new job company. They must be a sponsor for Nessa, since she wore a pin with their logo. Does this mean we can actually encounter Wailord in the game?

I also get the Chairman’s league card. I like the way he writes his signature.

You know the drill - can’t advance with my life until I follow the plotted line into this restaurant. At least it looks fancy inside. I like the Wishi-Washi designs on the floor.

Some story stuff happens. I am completely extraneous to this conversation.

I don’t really know how I feel about the Chairman. I still think he’s probably up to no good, but he’s not the cackling-evil sort that Lusamine was. Maybe it’s actually Oleana who’s evil, and Rose is being manipulated.

This restaurant: Nice location, horrible service. The whole time I sat here - empty glasses, and no food. If I’m gonna be forced to sit and listen to some exposition, I should at least get a meal out of it. 

Okay, that’s all for now! In the next entry, I will enter this tunnel into yet another mine.

[nyruratchet]

Notes 4 - The Morning After

“People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.”

There are pills for straight couples to avoid pregnancy after a few moments of bliss, there are pills to help people stay safe from contracting HIV, there are pills to recorrect the chemical imbalance for people struggling with mental issues; there are pills for EVERYTHING, but no one has derived a magical pill to fix the pain one feels when forced to wake up the morning after valentine’s day alone.

Actually, this problem doesn’t just exist on Valentine’s day. But, seeing as how I’m perpetually single, I can attest to the fact that this day is the most painful (all other holidays come second). Just yesterday, someone asked a question, “yall fall in love with niggas y’all meet on apps??”

My response: Honestly, what are the other options? This is a legitimate question...

Him: Go meet someone in real life...apps aren’t real life! You don’t know that nigga til u see him. In real life, u see everything you as over and over on the app.

Me: You do (meet them), but those are the same guys on the apps. And no one gives you the time of day at bars, events, etc. So, ur stuck with friends of friends, coworkers (nope) and apps...really (WTF?)

Him: Idk who y’all meeting but niggs stay tryin to see wassup on the low when I’m out...especially the damn gym!

Now, I then had to check him and remind him that, just because YOU are so attractive and have thousands of followers that men just flock to you, THAT IS NOT the average gay man’s reality. Just recently a black man on Grindr says he doesn’t like black men. Only whites and latinos. Yep, this is the world I live in. So when you all think I’m crazy to think I’m not in someone’s league, please know there are factors in the chess game that I’m aware of that you have NO CLUE about. Being the darker brother in the gay community is not easy and constantly I am made to feel like I’m not worthy of inclusion in it. Being dark is not acceptable. Nor is being skinny. Nor is not having a BBC (which is all anyone seems to value from us). Nor is being open to love; I’ve been faulted way too many times for that tbh. Almost as many times as I’ve been skinny-shamed or considered fem. Guys in our community are looking more for TS girls than black men. Period. I see “girls” on Grindr far too much. THERE, I said what I said. Grindr’s way of dealing with this influx...ask me to list myself as a CIS man. NO THE FUCK I WILL NOT! I’m a man. These labels are too much. can’t meet men in bars or apps or work. So, let me know...HOW?

To lose my virginity I had to get on craigslist and whore myself out like a rentboy (no money involved) only to get this catfish older man to respond. I was 21 years old and saw this as my only chance before moving to NY. Guys throughout my life up until this point (as i wrote about in my last post) had been ignoring me. I was invisible in the world of gay sex. I might as well have been a eunuch or a monk. I was always the “friend”...still am. So, I took this less then adequate gentleman and let him penetrate me for the first time; give me my first kiss (yuck, it was awful); and teach me a few things. I thought, after this, I’ll never have to settle for less than I deserve...BOY was I wrong.

Back to the part about me being invisible for a moment. Throughout high school, people knew I was gay. I told a few guys and expressed interest and they paid me no attention. COME TO FIND OUT, my (at the time good) friend Jonathan, had slept with a quite a few of them. (Backstory, I fell for Jonathan, he spurned me too, we became great friends, he then transitioned into being a woman, and now we don’t really talk). So, When I found this out, I was devastated. TO THIS DAY, I will never understand why I was not enough. I was SOOOOO nice to these guys. Dustin used to get picked on in middle school, and I used to stand up for him. Nick was the most beautiful boy in the world in high school with a smile that could like up the darkest soul and I would always root for him, etc. But, I wasn’t who they wanted. I mean, You think I’m a good guy now, you should have known me back then. I was such a kind spirit. My soul is so dark now and I don’t think that will ever be rectified.

These next instances are the reasons I will never be untainted. THESE STORIES ARE NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART. If you don’t want to cry, feel sorry for me, or worry, stop reading now.

I have been abused mentally, physically, and emotionally. These stories are in sequential order.

When I was traveling once, I was drinking and felt like fulling one of my fantasies. I don’t remember why, but i know that I hadn’t been touched in a WHILE. And for a person who needs that, just a moment where someone can use you to “get off” is enough to make it through the night. One fantasy that is very popular in the gay community of being fucked by visitor who comes in the unlocked door and fucks you, then leaves after he finishes. No strings attached (NSA), photos presented beforehand (pics), usually some time of safeguards in place. I was new, and it was my fault. This guy sent me pictures on whatever app I was using, think it was Craigslist. He told me all his information, I told him where I was staying and said I’d be blindfolded, ready for him to fuck me when he walked in. As SOON as he walked in, I heard the door close and lock and I had a feeling something was wrong. He came up behind me, naked and grabbed my neck chokingly and SHOVED into me. And this guy’s body was WAY bigger than what he said. He was chub/stocky and nothing like what he had sent me. I tried to tell him to stop, that I didn’t want HIM. But clearly, he had done this before. And this was before catfishing was a THING. So, he wasn’t going to stop no matter how much I struggled. So, I resulted that this was a part of the “fantasy” that I had signed up for. I could NOT call this rape. I will never call that rape. Yes, someone lied to me, wouldn’t stop when I said so, but I was totally in the wrong here. I put myself in a situation to be taken advantage of by a stranger. That is one of the things that makes this fantasy so hot. Just happens in my case, that it went terribly awry,  So, I went limp and let him finish. He left. I locked the door and took down the posting I had made. My throat was on fire and he had pulled my hair too hard. But he was gone and I was alone again. 

Another time in a hotel room, laying over in Washington, Dulles I was getting ready for bed. I was hungry, so put my iphone on the charger, grabbed my food and went for the microwave on another floor. When I came back, my phone was charged enough to check my facebook. As soon as I opened it up, on my timeline it says “PAUL IS IN A RELATIONSHIP”. I said, wait...what? My Paul? the one who I helped move? The one I got a xmas tree for? The one I held while crying? The one I protected from himself? The one whose bed I was JUST in? The guy I had been talking to like every day? My heart was beating out of my chest and I couldn’t breathe. Now, I’m not nor have I ever been naive. We weren’t a couple. He wan’t mine. But I wanted him, made it known. He said lots of things that didn’t add up to much. But, I was in his life, so I accepted that until he could give me more. But when I saw THAT status. I LOST it! Why? because he had told me WORD FOR WORD: “I don’t want a relationship right now. I have some little twink guy from this broadway show who likes me, but I’m not interested.” I always did status checks to make sure I didn’t get blindsided. But alas, here I was despite all my effors. My body went NUMB. Tears ran down my face. I dropped to my knees and asked God or whomever was in charge of things WHY the FUCK was it not me?? Am I not cute enough? Am I too poor? Not successful enough? What did I do? I immediately texted my friend Ant and told her what was up and that I was ready to end it. Before I knew it, I was on a 3 way call. What no one knows is, at one point I was bathroom, in the tub, with a razor, a full bottle of advil, a bottle of wine to hopefully make the blood run faster. I had never contemplated killing myself. This was a knee-jerk reaction to someone I loved with every fiber of my being choosing to give his love to someone else who didnt even have to try! If he could throw me away after I gave all I had and more that I didn’t even know I had in me, and he STILL didn’t want me, how is anyone else gonna love/choose me? So, I was ready to end it. Cuz I knew, this would not be the last time this would happen; guys don’t seem to care who they hurt or how. Paul texted me and said he didn’t owe me any explanation “dude”.  But my friends talked me down from that ledge I was prepping to jump off. I also was terrified of doing it. I didn’t know if it would even work. And I didnt want my family to go through that. Till this day, that is why I could never commit suicide. I do think about it, yes. My life sucks. And try as I may, I don’t see a reason for me being here. And yes, I’ve been to many therapists ever since college. Its not a problem that can be talked out. I suffer from depression that can only be assuaged by fixing the problem; the problem is my life. (love, money, music). So, I just try to keep on. I’m not bi-polar; although, sometimes I wish I were. That is a diagnosis that can be managed with medication. My life, cannot be managed. But I’m trying...I am trying.

Now, as I mentioned before, not a big fan of coworker dating/fucking/etc. HOWEVER, there are 2 people I have always said I’d try if I had the chance. Because they may be reading this (doubt it, but I will fight my petty urges), We’ll just call them Trip and Kurt. Now, Trip and I have been messaging off and on doing this whole cat and mouse thing for years. He winds up telling me he’s interested but we couldn’t tell anyone at work; which I agreed to. And would have tried to keep his confidence, FOR HIM. He is really against work relations as well. This all started with grindr and just escalated to us talking off and on. Finally one day, he texts ME and asks “Hey sexy, you in NY?” I wasn’t. Was working. But I never post my whereabouts on FBOOK so, the question was warranted. He said he really wanted to fuck. Our paths kept not being able to cross. So, LONG story short, I rearranged my schedule and we set up a “date” at his place when I got back. I was working a redeye. Told him I’d get home, run my errands take a quick nap and be over to make a full day of it. Trip agrees with everything. I do exactly what I say (I’m a Leo, it’s what we do. We’re consistent. We’re straight forward). I pick up a bottle of $20+ wine to show him I really give a shit and to be courteous because a good southern boy doesn’t arrive at someone’s house empty handed. I knew he had been done wrong and I wanted to put my first foot forward, even if it was just sex he wanted. I message him when I was on the way back home...no response. Ok, I wanna shower. Text him again...tells me he’s out. I say, “ok well just tell me when to head over. I’ll be at home” He says “ok sounds good baby.”  Ok, so I take my hour nap so I don’t miss his text. (For me, you KNOW that is no small feat!) I get up and he still hasn’t messaged me. So I wait...and wait...and wait for 5 hours. Then I text him “Ok...well, headed to bed I guess. Hope you had a good night. (he’s scheduled to work the next day so I KNOW no late fun was happening)  But beforehand, my spidey senses were tingling. So, I got on facebook. OH, he’s out living his best life! Fuck MY time right? Awesome. I had a drink then went to sleep. Next day, he messages me that he fell asleep after getting home. BOO, so...you left your friends (after you went out...yeah, I saw the check-ins), hopped a train, got home, and never NOT ONCE thought to text me to tell me a damn thing?! But you say “sorry” and I’m supposed to just accept that? No. I wanted you past the point of that barrier I placed up barring all guys I worked with. You just took a big dump on that AND made me feel shitty in the process. I took that bottle of white wine to the head by myself at some point btw...

Now Kurt, he’s special...I met him and was immediately entranced. To keep this one shorter, he also told me HE DIDNT WANT TO DATE ANYONE. Guys need to stop telling these motha fuckin lies!  Ok, so I’ll be your friend. But I really like him. So, I’m minding my own business and facebook again notifies me, Kurt is in a relationship. OH? with WHOM? Oh! someone we work with? Someone you met AFTER ME?! Interesting...now, when this boy confessed a secret to me, I was totally loving and told him my past experiences and that he’s and amazing person, etc. So, the next time we work together, I don’t mention his new BF. He brings it up and explains how and why he fell for him. WOULDNT YOU KNOW IT, the boyfriend said the same thing I did about his secret but just BEFORE he happened to conceal it. I tried so hard not to roll my eyes when he told me that. It was like a smack in the face. If you don’t think I’m cute, just say that. But don’t talk about how someone’s heart won you over. Cuz I was here loving on you before. I went back up to my room (tipsy) turned on some Aaliyah and cried myself to sleep. I am never gonna be enough for these boys/men. I saw that now. Paul had recently resurged and re-exited my life after telling me he loved me. I WAITED for that! He was the first man to ever say those words. And they were supposed to mean something! And shortly after...he ghosted me again. So, I’m feeling pretty worthless at this point.

No matter what I do, I’m never good enough. I keep trying to be the best me and there is always someone there saying, nah...this other dude is better. Swipe left. “Thank you, Next” (I don’t like Ariana Grande btw.) I have this fear that when I’m old, some guy I’ve loved forever will find me and say, I married someone else. He’s gone now, he did me wrong. We can be together now. Like I’m only going to be someone’s choice after their first choices have bit the dust. That is NOT okay with me. 

So, here I am on Valentine’s day trying to explain to all of you who have someone to “come home to”. EVEN if you don’t like Vday, do not pretend that this day doesn’t matter or make people feel a certain way. I’m alone AND I’m lonely. Don��t tell me I shouldn’t feel this unless you tell me how to not feel that way; and your explanation better not involve friends. Sorry, friends have their own issues and while checking in and venting is great, they can’t be your life support. They can’t help you take care of your heart. Especially if they are married, have kids, etc. You’re the single 3rd wheel. 

I tried to take myself to the movies. The movies I wanted were all sold out by couples. Dinner, tables full. So, I ate leftovers from yesterday’s dinner I cooked and am halfway through this bottle of wine. You cannot fault a person for wanting love. Finding it may have been somewhat easy/happenstance for you. And I try not to fault YOU for that. Everything has been hard for me. Literally, everything. That’s the only reason I’m still here. Because when something happens, I yell, scream, vent, handle it like Olivia Pope, then continue on. No one is there at night when i lay down. No one said Happy Valentine’s day to me today. No one is gonna smile at me when i wake up in the morning.  Nope, I have to survive my morning after by myself. No pill in hand to help.

“Children needing other children, yet letting our grown-up pride hide all the need inside...acting more like children, than children.”

[cryingxaddict-blog]

The First Post is Always the Hardest...

so tbh, I don't even know why I am here. I just have this need to let my thoughts out on a forum for the world to see. is it for the attention that I'm severely lacking or do I just love public humiliation? keep reading to find out!

I guess I can start with sort of an introduction. I'm in my early 30s, smoke way too much pot, dont drink nearly enough as I should and over thinks absofuckinglutely everything. I have an average 9-5 (8:30-5 really) job that is slowly sucking the life out of me but it helps to finance my equally average lifestyle.

In my opinion, I was kind of an awkward loser in high school. I was too punk rock for school but also too smart and respected my parents too much to be a complete teenage delinquent. I wrote for the school paper, participated in theater, took extra courses just cuz and graduated with a 3.8 GPA. I also organized walkouts, burned flags, cut my own hair (yikes), only wore band merch, clothes from the thrift stores, fishnets and chucks, my jean jacket with all my buttons and patches was my prized possession and the feeling I got after fucking shit up in the pit was as satisfying as that first drag of the day. My punk rock phase seamlessly merged into my pop-punk/emo phase where red eyeshadow was life and if I could just touch Gerard Way, I could die happily.

I never dated in high school, I crushed alot though. thanks to that desperation, I jumped on the first guy that ever gave me any attention. Mistake. it was such a waste of a first love. he lived far, we never saw each other and honestly, just used each other to rid ourselves of the burdens virginity. so that ended quickly. I was crushed and overly dramatic about it all. from then on, it was just a string of losers who were just waiting for a girl like me to come along. I enjoyed a long FWB, which of course crashed and ended cuz I fell in love. after all that, i shut down for a bit and in 2010 was introduced to the longest waste of my life.

my collective dating history reads like a Who's Who of Human Crap (be ready for all the FRIENDS references)...

let's just refer to this guy as WB.

WB and I were together for 7 years. SEVEN!!

in that time, my life changed drastically. my mom passed away from cancer in 2012. my whole life fell apart. somehow I become responsible for upkeep of a household and my dad just deteriorated. He later passed in 2017. in 2013,my beloved grandma passed away as well. I lost so many people I loved in more ways than just death. my family fell apart and the only person I felt I could turn to was WB.

he was 5 yrs older than me, unemployed, still lived at home, no car, multiple DUI'S and just a touch of idiot. I think back and tbh, I dont even think i was ever even attracted to him, let alone in REAL love. I just needed someone. unfortunately, that someone was an alcoholic with severe daddy issues and a coke problem. he never put my emotional needs before anyone/thing else and just dragged me along taking advantage of my autopilot status. I was too broken to fight back, to even speak up for what I deserved.

every time I tried to pull away, he used my broken heart to keep me around. he is the most toxic person I have ever been involved with. threats of suicide after each break up, grand gestures of pouring full 20 oz. $14 local craft beers down the sink with promises of sobriety and tearful apologies all were bullshit. during our seven year stretch, I had bounced from my own home, to his home, to my best friends couch, back into his house and then finally, on my own. I moved out by myself, without his financial help. in less than 2 yrs, I officially ended it. I woke up one morning, looked at him and just was over it. he knew it. I knew it. it was done.

instead of taking time to myself and healing after such trauma, I decided to IMMEDIATELY jump into another relationship! another fking mistake. I not only let this man into my severely damaged heart, but also my home. he took full advantage of reduced rent and daily sex. lied to me at every chance he had, manipulated my feelings into believing that he actually cared. he was just really good at going with the flow as long as the flow was going. just like everything else, this all ended pathetically. he used me until he didnt need me anymore and bounced. I was left alone.

I did my best to recover gracefully, but unfortunately let myself slip into another string of pointless hookups and Tinder dates. I ended up in a random 3 month trail period type relationship with a "nice guy" that ended abruptly due to his intense clingyness (I thought I was bad) and the realization that I'm pretty fking gay.

which kind of brings us up to speed here. about 6 months ago I got drunk at a gay bar for a coworker's birthday. next thing you know, we're making out in the club and dryhumping in her Mustang. that was complicated in it's own right and ran its course as they all do. the only difference with this one is that now I'm left with the big question of WHO TF AM I? like who am I?

am I gay, straight, bi? idk...

what I can say is that I am on the path of self discovery that has been ignored for far too long. I am chopping through the overgrown brush and branches that I have let overcome me while I was letting myself be distracted by each person that comes into my life. I have a tendency of losing myself completely. I cut friends out. I cut out my own personal health (what is gym?) I just give all of myself to them. And they never deserve it. Never. I am just tired of it. my heart is tired of it.

I'm over creating fantasies in my head with people who dont even want me or for longing for something that i cant seem to achieve. what I can do is just take care of myself. focus on myself. actually LOVE myself. what else is there really? at the end of it all...all those people who have come into my life are gone in one way or another. but here I am. still here. waiting for me to desperately love myself the way I have mindlessly loved others.

I guess we'll just have to wait and find out...