#my disorder is not a quirky clout point for you.

[awetistic-things]

🌷 vent/rant 🐝

Diagnosing yourself is hard as a minor is hard bc it relies on looking back on experiences you had as a child. it’s also hard bc what if I’m just trying to be quirky and different and don’t know it. the obvious path to take would be to ask people if I fit the criteria but that doesn’t work for a couple reasons 1. I have no support system; I have little trust in my friends because neurotypicals don’t understand and I don’t know how they’ll take it, my parents will immediately dismiss me because I “get good grades” and “work hard”. 2. nobody will be able to tell me if I fit criteria bc I’m masking all the time.

also hi! this is the same person who talked about how they don’t know if they’re autistic or not keeping anon for safety still~ (sry ab spelling errors!)

as a self-diagnosed minor myself i very much relate to this

i think that the spread of trends where people are purposely faking disorders (mainly adhd, ocd, bipolar, autism, from what i’ve seen) for internet clout or something (?) severely affected the way people treat self-diagnosees

people forget that not everyone who self-diagnose are doing it with a malicious intent. it’s really hard to get a autism diagnosis, much less treatment. so, sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands, and that is perfectly okay

also, when you said “nobody will be able to tell if i fit criteria because i’m masking all the time” is awfully relatable. i think it’s difficult to ask people around you about criteria mainly because how would they know? i mean fuck i’ve been autistic this whole time without knowing, so i’m not surprised they didn’t know either. but, at the same time i need them to work with me to figure this out, but sadly masking all your life can make it difficult for others to point out the criteria you need them to

that’s actually why i didn’t really pay attention to my infant-hood, because i was too afraid to ask others besides the: “hey mom, when did i start walking as a baby?” and i just ignored that whole section completely. i mean it worked itself out, but trying to unmask to figure out if you were even masking at all is so difficult it’s ridiculous

sorry i responding to your vent/rant with my own vent/rant. but my dm’s are open if you ever wanna talk /gen

[swagging-back-to]

real talk,

the online resources for people with osdd and did are trash because it's overrun with tiktok teens and 20 yos who think them wanting to be an anime character, or their ocs, is them having a crippling and completely debilitating mental disorder caused by *severe* trauma before the age of 7 (oh and at the same time they dont even believe did develops because of trauma!)

[xqueerneurosisx]

Not sure if this is one of them hot takes or not, but I’m tired of it, and I’m going to talk about that.

So, I get that there’s this thing in the mainstream where most disorders just aren’t taken seriously, but can we PLEASE fucking remember that’s because of the mainstream rep that constantly literally misrepresents them?!

Like, no, Mx. Eternal-Pain-And-Suffering, someone using memes to express how their symptoms affect them to their fucking 70 followers is NOT ~romanticism.~ It’s a fucking disabled/mentally ill person expressing themself, which they are allowed to fucking do in any way they feel like!!

And don’t EVEN fucking start with me on some only wanting to post on the ‘light heartedness’ that one finds in one’s own disorder means they’re “faking it,” bullshit. It’s not your fucking place to tell anybody what you think they’re faking or not, because you don’t have a gotdamned clue what actually goes on in anyone else’s psyche.

And also, get the fuck over yourself. There is no “you’re doing ___ to my disorder,” the fucking disorder doesn’t belong to you; your experience with it does. You’re not the only one who has the disorder... What a fucking revelation.

Basically, stop being shitty to other mentally ill/disabled people, because you’re frustrated with what the fucking mainstream has diluted the knowledge of our conditions down to. We are ALL fucking frustrated with that shit. That still doesn’t fucking mean we aren’t allowed to reclaim jokes, make our own jokes, simplify shit that we don’t have the spoons to deal with explaining, or even use gotdamned aesthetics for our own expression!

“Calling someone out,” for using jokes/memes or aesthetics as a form of expression doesn’t do shit. It’s not teaching anyone shit. You’re not the hero of the mentally ill/disabled community(ies) for doing that, and surprise fucking surprise, but you are not “dunking on,” as many “fakers,” as you think you are. Nagging other neurodivergent/mentally ill people about the above in the first place just makes you look petty at best, and hypocritical at worst- so uh, not a good look either way.

I’m tired of you imps acting like there’s a “faking clout chaser,” on every other fucking blog. This/These community(ies) came together in larger numbers online than irl for a fucking reason(no, assholes, that reason is NOT: half of us are faking for quirky clout points ffs), and frankly, y’all insisting that there always has to be faking imposters among us at every fucking turn, or some shit, is really starting to make you all sound exactly like classic fear mongering ableists, so you might want to reeeeally check that shit.

[sunlinesinner]

anxiety bubbles in my stomach when i see your face. you disgust me, and i’m obsessed with it. i’ve tried to tell people you’re crazy. i’ve promised myself that karma will come to bite you in the ass at some point.

but karma hasn’t come yet, and i wait in anticipation.

you’re such a bitch. and i’ll explain myself the best way i know how: a list, in chronological order. 

the things you’ve done:

it was little lies at first. you said you saw an angel. we were all religious and went to church together, so who was i to say you were bluffing ? 

you said you saw an angel. and then you said you had a full conversation with gabriel. about your homework. i’m not religious anymore but i guess if angels exist, its possible ?

you said you had depression. depression is common. a lot of people have it. i think i’ve got it. who even knows at this point ? we all feel a little bit depressed sometimes.

you said you had anxiety. we advised you to get therapy. 

depression and anxiety became your dominant personality traits. not actual depression and anxiety as your personality, just you talking about having those. all. the. time. your instagram stories becoming a shrine for the romanticized, attention seeking yet somehow trendy memes glamorizing slits on wrists and mouths full of prescription pills. you were turning into a walking advertisement for delicate pain that you can have too, free of charge. call yourself depressed on instagram and people will pity you. you reveled in the attention it brought you.

at first, people reached out. “you keep posting that you’re depressed, i just wanted to see if you’re doing okay ?” “hey let me know if you ever need a safe place to talk. i’m here for you.” and we were. we were there for you.

you said your parents were “looking into” getting therapy for you. i’ve been to therapy. it doesn’t take long to sign up. your dad is a therapist, he knows how it works.

you said your dad diagnosed you with anxiety and depression. you and i and your dad all know, that’s not how it works.

over time, fewer and fewer people reached out to you. it was the same shit. nobody knew if you were faking it or not. everyone wanted to believe you, because what kind of fucked up person fakes a serious mental illness for attention ?

people stopped listening. whether you actually had mental illnesses or not, you were treating it like some sort of fucked-up hobby. you weren’t interested in getting help. you were content with you father’s biased “diagnosis” and your depression and anxiety became nothing more than some fun, quirky words you liked to use to describe yourself. it was a meme. a troll. people stopped paying attention to you, and you hated it.

three is better than two ! you started saying you had panic attack disorder and people started listening again. several panic attacks every day, at school, you said. people who didn’t know what it means to have a panic attack started listening again. more desperately craved attention.

no, crying in the school bathroom at lunch is not a panic attack.

you started saying you had a stalker. oh, your journey with boys. i know i’m a bitch for writing this. i own that. at least i’m not committing service dog fraud. (oops, spoiler.) a stalker who would follow you home from school, you told everyone. never attached a name, just stalker. i mean, you could have been telling the truth. i just think that someone as desperate for attention as you would have been happy to have a stalker. 

you had a random stalker, and then your neighbor confessed his undying love for you. yep, the standoffish, chill surfer boy across the street had a fat crush on you. he begged you to date him. pleaded on his knees for you to be his girlfriend. he, a solid 7.5 with a decent personality, begged for you, a 4 on a good day, to like him back. almost comedic. you, of course, turned him down flat. he apparently got over it right away because he had a girlfriend a week later. (he’s not a fuckboy, they’re still together.)

you added more. a special type of eating disorder that’s so rare that you couldn’t remember what it’s called. (in which you just aren’t ever hungry but you eat regularly anyways ?) you “came out” as autistic to your parents, which is insulting both to those with autism and those in the lgbtq+ community. you started saying you were allergic to gluten and dairy, but ate both in copious amounts anyways. “there’s pills for that,” i told you. “eleven dollars at target to relieve the stomach pains you won’t shut up about. you don’t need a diagnosis for lactaid.” you never took my advice. you kept being loud, eating cheezits and begging for attention. you labeled yourself with more mental illnesses that i can’t remember. what i do remember is you listing them all. there had to be at least seven or eight. all without a therapist.

you graduated. actually, you took the ged and told everyone you graduated early. people congratulated you on being smart enough to graduate early and again, you reveled in their attention. i knew you took the ged because my mom was friends with your mom, and your mom told my mom who promptly told me. even my mom think’s you’re batshit crazy. i told a few of my friends who were for some reason still hanging out with you, who had gone to your graduation party. everyone i told was shocked that you lied about that shit.

you got a service dog. actually, you bought a dog off of craigslist and a vest off of amazon. you said you trained it yourself, and it was for your life-threatening disabilities that remained unidentified. but you didn’t always bring the dog places with you, especially when it was inconvenient like bringing it to disneyland. so i guess your life-threatening disabilities were only life-threatening sometimes.

i confronted you. i texted you, calling you out. i told you i didn’t believe most of the shit you were saying. i told you that if this was true, you needed serious help and instead you were posting shitty memes about it. i told you to stop lying about random shit like being allergic to gluten and having graduated high school. i screenshotted the whole conversation so you couldn’t lie about what i said.

you blocked me. then you posted on your story about how i had blackmailed you, i had stabbed you in the back and made fun of you for having mental illnesses. you said i called you weak for having mental illnesses. that i was a bully, that you were taking a break from social media because you were done with my harassment and needed some time to think about things.

you didn’t take a break from social media. you unblocked me and requested to follow me again. i denied your request. one of my friends sent me the post you had made about me, along with screenshots of you texting her calling me a “brat”. you’re a big girl, you can say bitch. that’s what i said about you. i sent the friend the whole conversation. i sent that conversation to several of our friends, actually. everyone was shocked at how you twisted my words. when asked, you refused to show people our conversation to prove you weren’t lying about what i said. you refused, saying that when you blocked me our dm conversation had disappeared. it’s funny because when i blocked you back, i still had the whole thing. 

we stopped talking, obviously. we still had mutual friends, so we were invited to some of the same events sometimes (only the big ones though. you didn’t make the “squad” pictures). you kept your head down. you didn’t look me in the eye. i could feel you staring at me when i wasn’t looking, but whenever i turned, your eyes whipped back down to your phone screen.

you were really bitter towards me. you talked tons of shit, but never to my face. the friends we shared were always closer to me than they were to you, so whenever you talked shit i’d hear about it. like one year, i was having a halloween party. one of our friends reported to me that you said you were gonna have an even better halloween party, and you were inviting 50 plus people. except nobody showed up to your party, and you ended up at my house at the end of the evening, sitting in the corner with your face illuminated by your phone screen. you should have just stayed home and saved yourself some embarrassment.

now, you’re leasing a tesla with money you don’t have for clout. you’re dating a boy who i’m 90% sure is a closeted gay (i hope this doesn’t come across as insensitive, my basis for this is that he wrote a song about being gay and later deleted the song off of his page). you’ve lost all of our mutual friends because they stopped believing your bullshit. you’re homophobic. racist. sexist. you probably unironically watch girl defined.

i mentioned at the beginning of this that i’m waiting for karma to hit you. but reading over everything i just wrote, it seems like it already has.

[klstheword]

Online & featured in today’s Daily Mail magazine - see above 

“Four years have passed since Dan Stevens had the nation choking on their mince pies when, as fresh-faced Matthew Crawley, he had a fatal car crash in the Downton Abbey Christmas special. He called it a ‘terrifying, monumental decision’ to leave the hit ITV drama, but now the gamble’s paid off. He’s since upped sticks with his jazz singer wife Susie Hariet and their two young children to live in New York. Now a full-blown film star, he bulked up and perfected an American accent to play the tough guy roles of a psychopathic US Army veteran in The Guest, and a drug trafficker in A Walk Among The Tombstones. As if determined to show his range, next month he opens in the latest Disney blockbuster, Beauty And The Beast, but before then he’s back on TV in Legion, a big-budget new series based on Marvel Comics characters. It’s essentially a spin-off from the X-Men franchise, the hit superhero films that have starred Hugh Jackman, Sir Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart and taken over £3.5 billion at the box office. Dan plays David Haller, the illegitimate son of Professor X, the leader of the X-Men who’s been portrayed on the big screen by both Patrick Stewart and, more recently, James McAvoy. But David has been brought up unaware that he might have a superhero side. Or as another of the characters puts it, ‘he has the power but he doesn’t understand it or know how to control it’. So Legion is not all about the flying, fighting action heroes battling against evil villains. Instead, the eight-part show, created by Noah Hawley, the man behind Emmy and Golden Globe-winning black comedy crime drama Fargo, is more psychological. Full of gleefully quirky personalities, at its centre is the tortured character of David, who may be more than human. ‘David’s quite a troubled young man,’ Dan explains when we meet on a cool afternoon in Los Angeles. He’s looking trim and relaxed in jeans and a grey sweatshirt, and is reassuringly far from the jittery bag of nerves that is his character in Legion. ‘As a result of being the professor’s offspring he has these incredible powers. But the problem is he’s not cognisant of them at all, and therefore, as far as he sees it, his “normal” human life has been beset by these strange events invading his surroundings, which people tell him he’s imagined. So from quite a young age he’s been diagnosed as being paranoid schizophrenic. He’s grown up being told one set of truths about his condition by psychologists, and then when our story begins, his world is invaded by a group of other people who tell him something quite different – that this is not a mental illness he has, this is real. That these are powers he really has.’

At the beginning of the show he’s trapped in a mind-numbing routine inside a psychiatric hospital, dressed in a retro tracksuit and with what he calls ‘mid-90s indie’ hair (think Noel Gallagher). But then a beautiful new patient Syd arrives (played by Fargo’s Rachel Keller). The pair feel drawn to one another, and she’s convinced he’s not schizophrenic but actually a powerful mutant. Inspired by her, he escapes and sets about trying to uncover his family history while joining forces with a group of fellow mutants to fight sinister government agents who want to control them. Dan says that, in order to prepare for the role, he embarked on a serious study of paranoid schizophrenia. ‘I had fascinating conversations with sufferers of this condition and also with one psychologist in particular in New York, who gave me a great deal of time and told me some very interesting stories. It turns out it’s not just crazy people in asylums who have this disorder – the psychologist talked about some very, very high-functioning members of society, CEOs of companies and editors of magazines, and all sorts of people who are out there trying to live a normal life in spite of it. I myself had a very good friend from college who suffered from it, and having seen it up close, it’s a terrifying condition. ‘One of the things that’s both frightening and awesome is that to people who have it, the delusions that affect them are very real. There’s not one of them who says, “OK, this part of my world is normal, and this part is crazy,” to them it all feels real. So there’s great confusion about what is actually happening and what isn’t. But having said that, it’s not without a certain humorous side as well – my college friend has quite a wry appreciation of his state sometimes, and we’ve added a comedic element to the show because if you look at it one way, it’s quite fertile ground for comedy. ‘Noah Hawley has a substantially different take on the superhero genre, and it was interesting to see the curve balls he threw in throughout the season. I guess it was to wake us up and keep us on our toes. I had to learn to play the banjo at one point, which came out of nowhere, and there are several dance numbers during the series, including a Bollywood-style routine.’ You’ll see him dance after the arrival of love interest Syd, as his emotions manifest themselves – although the scene may be just in his imagination. ‘It’s actually quite a mindbender of a show,’ he adds.

It’s certainly a far cry from playing Downton’s ever-upright Matthew Crawley, a role that followed on from appearances in TV period dramas Sense And Sensibility and The Turn Of The Screw. ‘Well, gosh, Downton and Legion are quite different shows, aren’t they?’ says Cambridge-educated Dan. ‘I suppose they’re similar in that in both there’s an amazing ensemble of actors to play against. But one is the story of a house in England at the beginning of the 20th century, and the other is a tale of mental disorder and a young man in a fictional universe, so there are really not huge amounts of intersection between the two. ‘The only castle we’re in in Legion is the castle of David’s mind! One place where I really noticed the difference between the two sets is the food we’re offered. The catering on American shoots is superb – it beats the Highclere biscuit tin, that’s for sure!’ Having played a drug trafficker and a gun-toting psycho in two Hollywood films, he says, with relief, that he thinks now, at 34, he’s escaped the trap of being seen only as the actor who played Matthew Crawley. ‘Although it’s not a bad thing to be considered a refined man with good manners,’ he adds. ‘But I also think typecasting comes from your own acting choices, and I pride myself in slipping into different modes for different roles. I think that since I left Downton I’ve been taking on such a range of stuff that it’s not a concern of mine.’ It helps that he’s undergone quite a physical transformation since his days on Downton – he’s lost a couple of stone in weight and allowed Matthew’s blond hair to darken to his own natural brown. ‘I actually put on a bit of weight for Downton because it seemed right for the period, and when it was over I lost it quite easily – I just stopped eating lots of bad things and started eating lots of good things, and it went away! The hair colour had actually been Julian Fellowes’s choice. If you remember in the beginning of Downton, Matthew didn’t come in until the very, very end of the first episode after he gets the letter from Lord Grantham. I’d been cast in the role, but they’d already been shooting for two and a half weeks before I came in, and during that time the producers had realised that almost all the male cast members had dark hair. So I had a call from Julian at the last moment, saying, “We’ve got too many brown-haired boys, would you mind being blond?” I said, “OK, fine,” because I was just pleased they’d asked me to dye it instead of re-casting, and as far as I knew the show was only going to last for one series. And then I ended up being blond for three years, although I must say I had a great time as a blond.’ His final Downton scene in 2012 was the crash that killed Matthew while he was returning from visiting his wife and newborn son in hospital. ‘It was strange lying under a car thinking about the past three years and the family of actors I’d be leaving. But it was time to go, although it was a show I’d been proud to be a part of. ‘I’d had to keep the death a secret because we’d been told there were to be no plot spoilers, so that was a little bit weird in the weeks running up. Obviously I knew, my wife knew, and my mum and dad knew, but we all had to sit on the secret. And the way Matthew went was quite shocking, which did upset some people. I actually watched it with my mum because she said she didn’t want to watch it on her own, she wanted me there to hold her hand! She was OK in the end, but I’m glad I was with her.’ It wasn’t only Dan’s mother who was horrified. Matthew’s death caused heartbreak among fans across the world. ‘I was apologising to people for months!’ Dan says. ‘First after Christmas in the UK, and then when it aired in America three months later, so there was a double whammy of grief. But I’ve had other things come out since, and people are starting to see what I’ve been up to, and beginning to understand why I did it.’ While being involved with the X-Men might in years to come impress his son Aubrey, who’s four, Dan says his upcoming role in Disney’s Beauty And the Beast has won him considerable clout with his seven-year-old daughter Willow. In the live-action remake, in which he sings and – once again – dances, he plays the arrogant young prince who’s punished by being transformed into the Beast. ‘Our family watch a lot of Disney movies but that’s a particular favourite. My daughter loves books, and I think the character of Belle appeals to bookish, wordy young girls, and she’s no exception. I brought her on set on the day we did the ball sequence at the beginning of the film – the prince is dancing with 60 princesses in big meringue dresses and beautiful jewel-encrusted wigs and she almost lost her mind with excitement!’ Willow’s reaction was less enthusiastic when it came to Dad’s transformation into the Beast. ‘She said I look like a hippo! I’m in a giant muscle suit covered with grey lycra, and I wear stilts that take me about 10in taller than I am, to 6ft 10in. I had to work hard to get my body into the right shape to walk around on those stilts – I wish I could have had feet that just screwed on and off but that wasn’t possible, so it was quite a physical challenge.’ Luckily his co-star Emma Watson was used to characters in strange costumes from her time on Harry Potter. ‘There are few actresses in the world who’ve worked with this kind of technology as much as Emma; she’s grown up with it, so it’s second nature to her. It also helped that she was very nice, very intelligent and engaged with the story.’ When Dan’s not working, he’s relaxing in the home in Brooklyn he shares with his family. ‘Upping sticks has been a great adventure,’ he says. ‘I’ve loved New York since I first visited years ago when I was in a play. I stayed with a friend on the Upper West Side, and I fell in love with New York so much I’d walk from his apartment to Brooklyn just to be part of it. It was a wonderful experience. I always dreamed of living there, and I’m very excited to have made that happen.’ And he can safely say he’s finally moved on from poor old Matthew Crawley.   Legion starts on Thursday at 9pm on Fox.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4187644/From-Matthew-Crawley-awesome-superhero.html#ixzz4XhmIlOAb 

Good to read - so much to appreciate in Dan’s intelligent and thoughtful approach to his roles....and... that hand-hold would have been welcome here too!