#my dumb jokes

[dilf-odo]

"hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get for you?"

"Yeah can I get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?"

"absolutely, do you want the Meal or just the sandwich?"

"uuuuuh hold on"

*fishes my wallet out of my pocket*

"miles what do I do."

"get the fries, lad. youll need the energy in the coming days."

*stuffs wallet back in my pocket*

"uhh yes please the meal would be great"

[sidleyparkhermit]

I was wondering what looked so funny about this still (via @a-rat-with-adhd's Charlie Eppes Sitting Compilation)

and then I realized

[demonslayedher]

Wind down doodle.

You know, people love to point out that she was saying how pretty the moon was as a way of confessing her love, but this can be refuted by how she said the same thing to a demon she taunted.

Nah. She's just attracted to big pretty lights, it's a bug thing.

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Basil: a Baker's Treat, my good fellow

[finefett]

named my thumb drive rumble so I can go hehehe to myself every time I use it

[valentinecult]

Why couldn't Bedman bring his body back?

From the moment he understood the weakness of his flesh, it disgusted him. He craved the strength and certainty of steel. Bedman aspired to the purity of the Blessed Bedframe.

He no longer is Bedman. He is Bed.

He continues to protect his sister.

[mynameischalie]

I overheard a woman at the restaurant talking to her girlfriend about how she needs a man that loves a challenge. With that said, you guys should have seen me eat this soup with a fork tonight.

[ruushes]

sleeping arrangements (not sure tara would ever actually deign to sleep in the same 20ft radius as shovel but who can resist those big shiny insectoid black eyes 🥺)

plus:

[viktheviking1]

The reason why Go Piss Girl isn't an option, is because I had genuinely never heard of it until all of y'all let me know.

Reblog for more people to give their answers!

[shevr]

[birf]

I was watching spy x family with friends and one of them went “if this is propaganda to have children and work for a government agency it’s working” and we all laughed but the more we watched we were like “…….oh my god is this propaganda to have children?”

[dilf-odo]

odo absolutely fumbled a milf

rip to him but I'm different. I'm omw Lwaxana

[razalorart]

2am joke (2021)

[annakarenina]

Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure 1989, dir. Stephen Herek

[gifti3]

what?

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

If I was in a lucid dream with a ghost, I would simply impress them with my blunt rolling skills