it seems somehow i’ve fallen for united states government workers but they’ve got to really fucking hate their coworkers and their job first. they’ve got to be actively doing damage to the government and probably should be fired. that’s a requirement for me
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what's your favorite line from californication?
"i said i never read your books but i lied, i read them all. i just didn't know how to talk about them with you. i didn't like the fathers in them." is one that just knocks me in the gut every time and that i think about so often because it touches on something very personal that's hard to articulate. on that note, "to my son, the writer. something i never said too much: i love you. my father never said it much either and i thought i would be different but i guess i'm not." -> "i love you. i didn't say it to hear it back." -> "to my dear, beautiful daughter...loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. in fact, it's been almost too much to bear." is a progression so meaningful to me. one thing that always stands out to me about this show is that loving and being loved is painful. is too much. is unbearable.. and is still frontrunner and the leading motivator most of the time.
some more that i love....when carrie died and hank couldn't stop drinking, said that he didn't know if he could make it back, and karen said "in the meantime, i'll just dream for the both of us, i guess."
when marcy said "they fucking love you to pieces, you dumb shit. we all do." & in the pilot when hank is mean and runs off their friend and marcy just says "go home, honey. sleep it off. tomorrow's another day." and the fact that in the original script he told her to go off on him and punish him and she wouldn't.
when mia left town and hugged hank goodbye and he said "you be good out there, psycho." i just love that line. (& "aside from the fact that you're mad as a hatter, you're a good kid.")
"now there's this feeling in my gut. she might be the one. she's completely nuts, in a way that makes me smile." hank's first letter to karen, 1994
before trial: becca saying "i don't want you to be guilty. i don't want people to look at you that way. i want them to know how great you can be." and hank replying "you shouldn't be thinking about that. that's too much for your brain."
"it's last call, pal. you should get out while the getting's good."
"what if it's already too late?"
"could be. i don't know. doesn't mean you shouldn't try."
there are so many lines in this show that are so simple and uniquely articulate that really just mean something to me.
my favorite reactions ever: "you're such a dirty old man." "no, i'm not."
&
"you'd look at the ocean and count the mermaids." "i did do that."
my favorite duchovny line delivery ever: when becca sobbed that she's just a kid and she's tired of parenting him and before she went off to see her boyfriend he said "you have fun, okay?" and his voice cracked
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While I was rewatching ROTTMNT, I would swear there were multiple episodes about Leo fighting in the Battle Nexus. Not just that 1 episode at the end season 1. In my memories, that moment was kinda like the beginning for Leo to realize that he was really good at it, he loved the fame, and it would be the 1 thing that he could do (in secret) completely without his brothers nagging at him constantly.
But halfway through season 2, I realized that those episodes would never come and even after I finished rewatching everything, I just thought Netflix didn't have all the episodes for some reason...
So it turns out that about a year ago I've looked at some fanart and animatics that were based of this populair AO3 fanfic named: Like Father Like Son.
Indirectly, an AO3 fanfic made me believe there were supposed to be multiple episodes with Leo fighting in the Battle Nexus...
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Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!
He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH
HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.
And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH
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Actual sentence that came out of my son’s mouth yesterday while DM’ing a one shot:
“For the first time in your entire life, going face down and ass-up did not save you.”
Said to, of course, the bard, who failed his stealth check; the bard was trying to hide from Terrible Tina, which had been a throwaway reference that my character (Connie, it’s short for Contrary) and the bard came up with while riffing back and forth.
Which my son grabbed and ran with.
*wipes away a tear*
I’m so proud.
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