#my favorite apocalypse dilf

[kvalentineart]

Mr. Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes in TOWL 👏😌✨

Original art by me, @kbalentineart on IG! Please repost with creds 🥰🫶

@itsgrimeytime

[cxrsed-angel]

I ♡︎ DILFS

word count: 3k

Warnings: smut 18+ only (minors DNI), Daddy kink (kinda expected), established relationship, age gap (reader is between 24-25, Joel is in his 50s), oral (male receiving), fem!reader

A/N: I've always thought Joel was hot but Pedro Pascal playing him really did it for me, trying to improve my smut so I hope this is better than my last one. <3!!

You were going through an old building as a short cut you didn't realize it at first from the decay and rubble, but the more you looked around, you could see that it used to be a mall. You looked inside a store seeing if you could find anything useful when you spot it. It was a sign from fate; you go and grab the shirt and hold it up to look at. Considering what it's been through, it was in pretty good condition, like it was saved for you. You quickly take off your backpack and put it on. It was a little small; you assume it was a baby tee from the fit of it, but you had a long sleeve under, so you were still covered. You hear Ellie call your name and grab your stuff and run over to them. Joel starts walking, leading you out once he sees you, “Took you long enough come on lets get out of here” You see Ellie looking at the shirt, trying to read it.

 “I heart-i heart, whats a DILF?” Ellie asks more so to anyone than directly to her you could see the gears turning in her head trying to figure out what each letter means. 

You wish you could take a picture of Joel's face when he heard that, he turned around so fast, “Where the hell did you find that at” “C’mon Joel you know this is my brand, my whole motto, this is me, it was fate that brought me and this shirt together and Im never taking it off.” 

“Dead I Like, Deadly I-ok I give up what is it” you both ignored Ellie trying to figure out what DILFS are. 

“I can't take you anywhere, how do you always manage to find the most ridiculous shit during an apocalypse.”

 “Hey! what is it, I don't get it.” You hear Ellie shouting at you clearly annoyed, but youre more focused on Joel at the moment. 

“Aw Joel don't be jealous you know you're the only DILF for me” 

“Can you shut the hell up.” You giggled slightly at the clear annoyance in his voice. You loved messing with him when you can, and when it wouldn't put you in danger of course, you added some much-needed fun to his life. 

You finally leave the mall and walk out onto the road; you were so excited about your DILF shirt, you had an eye for things like this. You knew you couldn't take back everything you find but if it was small or something you really liked you took with you like when you found an old hello kitty watch, it didn't work, but it was still cute. Another time you found a Britney Spears poster in decent condition that was currently hanging up in your room, but the DILFS shirt was definitely your favorite after the poster. You were happy to add it to your little collection. 

“Can someone please explain what is a DILF I don't get it and why is Joel one?” Ellie asks for the billionth time, getting frustrated at you both for not listening to her. 

“Its da-”  You were interrupted by Joel his deep voice, a little upset at you for almost telling Ellie, you didnt think it was too inappropriate but he clearly disagreed. 

“Absolutely not youre not telling her she doesn't need to know, way too young for that, Im surprised you even know what it means” he responded, looking back at you mortified at where you had learned it from. 

“Hey! I was born before the pandemic you know” you tell him, reminding him that you’re not that young. Although compared to him, you were. 

“You were what 4, 5 when it happened can’t have remembered much before.” you heard the sass in his voice but you continue trying to prove that it shouldn't be surprising that you know what a DILF is. 

 “Okay, Im not ancient like you but still I had older friends, and we would talk about-” He interrupts you again, staring at you with frowned eyebrows. 

“Please stop there I really don’t want to know what you and your friends talk about, can we just change topics please.” If they told you about DILFs, he really didn't want to hear what else teens talked about in this world. 

“Dude c’mon, why can't you tell me, Im not a little kid.” Ellie says again, trying to get both of your attention and get you to explain it to her. You know now she’s not gonna let it go since Joel told her no. But you decided you’ll explain it later, especially after the whole playboy magazine situation, and she was around the same age you first heard it from your friends so you didnt see the issue.

“Alright from here until we get to where we are headed we are quiet, no one says a word unless you're dying got it” you could tell Joel had heard enough, and considering that you were outside you told it was best to listen to him and not distract him or yourself. 

“got it” “yes sir” you lean towards Ellie. “He’s in a mood today huh” deciding to bother him one last time before you would have be serious. 

She was about to respond until you walked right into Joel, giving you a yet intimidating glare frowning his eyebrows at you.  “alright alright, i’ll shut up.” 

After a couple hours of walking, Joel found a small safe building to sleep for the night, and you had been talking to Ellie until she fell asleep; you walk over into the room Joel was in, deciding to tease him again.

 “Hey daddy whatcha doing?” you call out in his direction, watching as he rolls his eyes at the name. 

“Stop.” he responded flatly, clearly not amused by your jokes, but you decided to keep them going. 

 “What's wrong Daddy does it make you flustered?” You thought he was going to give you another flat response or tell you to shut up. But you were wrong, instead, he stands up and walks over to you, standing closer than you anticipated, you try to step back slightly, but his arm around your waist prevents you from going too far. You feel the blood rush to your cheek and ears, your mouth goes dry, not knowing what to say or how to respond.

“Oh look who’s flustered now, sweetheart.” His deep voice teases you back, having more of an effect on you than your teasing did on him. You feel yourself get hotter, your brain is unable to focus anything except on how close he was and his rough hand around your waist forcing you closer to him, though you didn't mind. You continue blinking up at him, speechless.

“Youre so quiet now what happened, thought you were teasing me baby?” 

You continue to stare at his brown eyes, the only thing you brain was thinking way, wow hes so hot. You look up into his face, taking in his features. The wrinkles around his pretty brown eyes, the scars and cuts around his face. God you always thought he was attractive but it still amazes you how hot and pretty he was. You could look at him all day. 

He wraps both his hand around your waist, pulling you to him,places his lips on yours. You loved kissing Joel. It was rare having him kiss you while you weren’t in the safety of the QZ. He usually couldn’t relax enough to kiss you, needing to be alert and focused just in case. So this took you by surprise but his kisses always made you feel warm and safe, and in that moment, you didn't have to worry about anything. All that mattered was him. 

You wrap your hands around his neck as you deepen the kiss, pressing your lips against his rough lips, closing your eyes as you melt into his embrace; his hands lower down your waist and squeeze your ass, which surprises you so much that you let out a small gasp against his lips. Joel pulls away slightly, smiling at you “youre cute” His actions confused you; you rarely ever are intimate outside the walls, but you trusted him and if he felt comfortable you knew you were safe so you decided to mess with him “hmm I dont daddy youre pretty cute yourself.” 

He guides you over to the makeshift bed, leading you by your waist, making you walk backward, as you continue kissing him, parting your lips slightly, allowing his tongue to slip inside yours. 

 “You ain’t gonna stop are you” he asks he sits down and pulls you down onto his lap; you couldn’t tell iif he seriously was tired of you calling him that or if he just teasing too. 

 “what you don't like it Daddy?” you ask, trying to gauge his reaction you didn’t want to push it too far or actually make him uncomfortable. 

 “I never say that now did I, sweetheart?” again, he confused you does that mean he liked it or that he didn’t mind you joking about it? you stare at his face trying to see. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by him pulling your lips onto his again. But more aggressively than earlier, moaning into his mouth and rolling your hips against him as he gropes your ass through your jeans.

“Joel” You moan against his lips before you lean your head into his neck.

 “Aw baby what happened to daddy huh” you pull away, looking up at him with wide eyes, surprised. Did he like it? You look at his face and see his eyes full of lust, and you realized he liked it. He liked it when you called him daddy. You look down, suddenly getting shy and embarrassed about saying it. It was one thing saying it as a joke and teasing him about it, but to moan, it was different; it was dirtier. 

He saw you getting shy and flustered in his lap, avoiding eye contact with him. Unlike you, he could read you like the back of his hand; he could easily tell you were embarrassed.

“c’mon baby no need to be shy, I can tell you like too don’t you” he softly stroked your waist when one hand and squeezes your ass with the other. you take your gaze off the floor onto him. nodding in agreement with him.

“C’mon baby need you say it, you like calling me daddy don’t you” you could tell he wanted you to say it out loud, his hand rubbing small patterns on your waist encouraging you, reassuring you that you didn’t need to be embarrassed. 

“Yea i like it daddy” you mutter quietly, still ashamed to say in a serious setting. Not quite ready to admit to yourself that calling Joel daddy turned you on as much as it did. 

You didn't think you would like it or find it this attractive. Maybe it was your lack of a father growing up, and Joel being older than you. You didn't know why; all you knew is that once you said it, you felt yourself getting wetter. 

“hmm good girl” he takes your face into his hands, kissing you again; you slip your tongue into his mouth, his deep voice letting out a moan against your mouth. You couldnt help but grind and roll your hips against him, searching for any type of release. 

He goes to lift your shirt but stops slightly, rolling his eyes “Want me to fuck you in the I heart DILFS shirt dont you?” you look at him, nodding laughing a little “you know me so well.” 

He sighs and shakes his head. Although there’s disappointment in his voice, you can tell there’s also amusement. “ I do, dont why I tolerate you” 

 “You love me, cant live without me, I bring adventure into your life you’d be so bored without me.” you remind him why he puts up with you.

“Shut up” he mutters, though you sensed the amusement in his voice because he knows you’re right. As much as you annoyed him, he couldn’t imagine living without your teasing and antics. 

You unbutton his shirt and take it off, lightly grazing your fingers across his chest, admiring his chest and body, you see more scars and healed wounds but you also see his muscles. You’ve always loved his body. You remember the nights in your apartment placing, kissing along his waist, his chest, his stomach. 

You thought about placing marks on his chest but were interrupted by him unzipping your jeans and lifts your hips up to slide your pants off, you get off his lap, taking off the rest of your pants.  You unzip his pants, pulling them down, you stare at his bulge through his boxers and press kisses onto his dick, teasing him through his boxers. 

“Wanna suck you off” you mumble quietly, focusing on how much you need him in your mouth. You weren’t even sure he heard or understood you until you hear his deep voice speak to you, breaking you away from your thoughts. 

“What’d you say darling couldnt hear” You know he heard you he just wanted you to say it louder. 

“Can I please suck your dick daddy” you look up at him batting your eyelashes while you rub your hand against his hard dick. You feel his dick twitch against your hand while he bites his lip, suppressing a moan. 

“Goddamn darling you’re killing me” his texas accent getting stronger as he gets harder in his boxers, you loved hearing his deep texas accent come out as he gets more turned on by you. 

He pulls down his boxers, and no matter how many times you’ve seen his dick, you’re still in shocked at how big he is. You can’t help but to stare for a couple of seconds taking it in, you smile up at him before teasing him licking the tip gently as you lightly stroke him, you continue placing kitty licks on his dick. He shivers against your tongue, and you love it, love watching him fall apart because of you and seeing how much your mouth affected him. 

 You gather some spit in your mouth before you drool some onto his dick. He rolls his eyes back as you slowly stroke his cock in your hand, using your spit as lube. You hear his deep voice moaning as you lean down and lick the tip while still stroking him. You start to slowly speed your hand when you feel his hand lightly tugging your hair making you stop and stare up at him.

 “you’re gonna have to speed it up sweetheart.” 

That was all he said before his hand grabbed the back of your head and forced your lips onto his cock. You hollow your cheeks and take him in further, feeling your nose brush against his hair at the base of his cock. He moves his hips gently fucking your throat 

“Fuck you feel so good” he murmured under his breath, his voice deeper than his usual tone. You closed your eyes as you felt yourself starting to choke on him,he started to thrust his hips faster into your mouth. 

“C’mon baby look at me, look at daddy.” 

You couldn’t help but moan around him at his words, feeling yourself getting more turned on as he called himself daddy. You listen, looking up at him through your eyelashes as you continue taking him down your throat. 

“Atta girl, so pretty looking up at me like that.” you feel yourself getting warmer from his praise, loving how vocal he was, you wish you were back at his apartment so he could be louder without the risk of drawing unwanted and dangerous attention. 

He moves the hair that was falling in front of your face behind your ears “you look fucking gorgeous sucking my dick darling” feeling butterflies in your stomach as he compliments you.  

You take him out of your swollen lips when you start feeling dizzy from the lack of air; you continue to stroke him in your hands as you catch your breath until he puts his hand on your head, guiding your mouth back onto his cock. His deep voice moans out your name under his breath as he gets closer to his release. 

“fuck darling i’m close keep on-yes like that baby god you like this huh like having daddy’s dick in your mouth sweetheart?”

You nod as best you could, trying to agree, but all that comes out is your moans against his dick. You could tell he was close as his started to get slightly louder, but you could tell he was trying his best to be quiet. His deep voice, making your head go fuzzy in arousal. He start making you gag as he thrusting into your mouth faster , sloppy fucking into your mouth as he closer to his release. After a few more thrust you hear him moaning your name as he cums into your mouth. You feel his cum shoot into your mouth and down your throat.

You held your head onto his cock until he finish before you slowly took him out your mouth. He holds your cheek in his hands, lightly caressing them. 

“Open baby girl let me see.” you happily open your mouth, showing how you swallowed his cum. “Good girl baby c’mere” he pulls you onto his lap again before placing a kiss on your lips , softly biting your bottom lip before pulling away. He holds you in his lap for a couple of minutes. you lay your head on his shoulder as he softly rubs his hand up and down your back.

“if we were at home you know i’d take care of you right baby” his deep voice makes you lift your head off of him, looking into his eyes. Before you met Joel, you thought older men didn’t have much of a sex drive, you didn’t know if it was just Joel or all men in their 50s but he proved you wrong. There have been many nights in his room where he would fuck more than one time; the first time caught you by surprise. Of course, you both paid the price in the morning; both sore, aching muscles had to spend the next day in bed, not being able to do much. So you know he would have fuck if you were back at home. 

“Of course i do” you play with the hair at the back of his neck for a little while before getting off his lap so he could put his clothes back on, and you do the same. You didn't mind; you knew sucking him off was as much risk as he could take, and you didn't really feel comfortable enough to fuck out in the open like this. After you both have your clothes on, you lay down with Joel, wrapping your arms around his waist as he turned, pressing your back into your chest, falling asleep. Trying to rest before you’d have to walk back to the QZ in the morning.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Escapism

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (pre-apocalypse)

Warnings: Smut, 18+, this is truly sinful and unholy but he's probably my favorite dilf as of recent so. Deal with it. There's also a wholesome part to this.

Word Count: 4.5k WHAAAAAAT

Summary: This is from a request from an anon, "Joel Miller smut? Pre-apocalypse literally ANYTHING? Maybe where Sarah has been trying to get them together forever and one night something just snaps?"

Joel was never the most preceptive man.

He could see a fly from a mile away and hit it dead with anything near him but the man could not for the life of him understand the concept of flirting.

Weeks on ends, months even, of flirting with him every time he'd come into my store with Sarah, buying groceries too many times a week for a normal two person, sometimes three person, household. Sarah liked to joke that he only bought a small amount of groceries at a time because he wanted to have a reason to come back and talk to me.

I couldn't believe it at first.

He's nearly a decade older than me, there should be something creepy about it, about him, but there's something about him that draws me in, makes me completely and utterly floored every time he walks into the grocery store with his stupid flannels and stupid polite smile.

Until it became a habit.

He walks into the local store like he knows that I'm waiting for him to show up, to tell me I look pretty, compliment my braids, or ask me about my day. Most of the days it's all three. And though he was good at complimenting, sort of good at smooth talking, he was the worst at realizing when I'm giving him the same attention.

Sometimes I'd unbutton my shirt a few buttons, inviting his gaze to flicker south, though it rarely ever did. Fucking gentleman. Other times I'd conveniently run out of receipt paper and I'd have to bend down carefully, giving him a perfect opportunity to look at my ass, though there was never a chance my coworker was able to catch him in the act.

He's just so polite, never cursing in front of me, never looking away from my eyes, never offending me in any way, shape, or form. It almost makes me feel dirty for the way that I feel about him.

I don't know when it started, when the blushing and bashfulness turned into pure arousal, never being able to look into his eyes for too long without my knees buckling. There's just so much to him, a depth that I want to dive into.

And, I'd like it to be crystal clear, it was Sarah's idea for him and I to have a sort of date.

She pushed him into telling me that he was free nearly every Friday's, that he would be 'doing absolutely nothing' and she complained about how 'bored he typically is without something to do'.

Instead, she slipped up and instead of saying something, she said 'someone'.

Smart ass girl.

It was the push I needed though, to finally tell him that I don't work Friday's and would love to get to know him. Sarah was bubbling with joy at the thought of her dad and I hanging out and I thought it was adorable.

When I got a call from Joel this morning, just calling to tell me that he was excited for tonight and to let me jot down his address (though I already knew it from the membership I talked him into at the grocery store), I was freaked.

Immediately, panic set in, panic that I've never felt before. I've been on dates before, plenty, but there was something about the thought of being in his home, where him and his daughter live, alone with him, with wine. It freaked me out enough that it made me sit in my bathroom an hour before I was supposed to leave, contemplating if I should call him to cancel.

It's safe to say I didn't, I pulled myself from my bathroom floor and to his house, sitting in my car for too long before Sarah knocked on my window with a giggle, asking if I needed help finding the front door.

I didn't know what to do- I felt like a child, standing in the front hall of their home, swaying back and forth, waiting for someone to tell me what to do. For fucks sake, it took me nearly five minutes for me to actually take my shoes off.

"You two have fun! I'll be down the street at Mackenzie's!" Sarah calls out and I can practically hear the dramatic excitement in her voice, only exasperated by the fact that Joel's cheeks are red as can be as he looks out the window, raising a hand to his jaw to conceal his smile.

"Bye kiddo, feel free to not come back tonight." Joel calls out, deep bellowing voice causes my stomach to flip eagerly but it's his words that stop me in my tracts, brows pulling together in confusion.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, hearing the door shut, Joel and I now completely and utterly alone for the night. "What do you got in store?" I lean towards him, watching the way his eyes drag down the slightest bit, watching the way that my breasts swell against my top that I wore purposely to get his reaction. Fucking finally.

"That's not what I meant." He shakes his head firmly, head tilting cutely at me in an attempt to chastise me and my dirty thoughts but I just grin wickedly, loving the way that I have him stumbling over his thoughts and words.

"Mhm." I nod, tossing him a wink as I lean back into his couch, tugging my knees up to my chest in an attempt to get comfortable but all I can feel is the steady throbbing between my legs. "You should've gone with it. I'm up for whatever you've got in store." I take another sip of wine, giving myself an out when he asks why my cheeks are so red and heated.

"Gotta stop talking like that." He mumbles, adjusting himself in his seat so his knees are parted, his body reclining into the couch with ease in an attempt to get comfortable but all I can focus on is how inviting his thighs look, spread apart like that.

A perfect throne for a queen.

"Why?" His brows lift at my question, almost as if he's asking if he really needs to answer it and he doesn't, I know why he wants me to stop talking that way and it's the exact reason while I'll continue regardless. "Does it intimidate you?"

"You've had some wine, you're probably just-"

"Drunk?" I swish my wine glass back and forth, the red liquid sloshing around as his eyes flicker back and forth from the drink to my eyes that are glued on him. "I've had a half of a glass." I deadpan and he scoffs awkwardly, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. "Relax, I"m not coming onto you or anything."

"No? Seems like it." He laughs, loosening up a bit as his arm stretches along the back of the couch, leaving a perfect amount of room for me to slip into the crook of his body and I fight the urge to but fail miserably.

I crawl over to his side of the couch, sitting directly beside him, his arm still staying stretched out behind me, fingers brushing against the back of my neck. He shifts so he can turn the slightest bit towards me, tongue sweeping out across his lips.

"Would you like it if I was?" His face pales, lips parting in silent shock and I giggle, taking another sip for the sake of confidence, my body warming at the drink and my proximity to the man I've pined after for so long.

"Why do you think Sarah's so keen on gettin' us together?" He asks genuinely, his once pointed gaze softening a bit and I feel myself getting more and more comfortable in his presence as the night goes on.

With us getting closer and closer, I feel the oxygen in my lungs begging to escape me, only leaving my lips in gasps as my lips chase his hungrily but there's a part of me that doesn't know if he'd reciprocate it. He's so chivalrous, I wouldn't put him past denying myself and himself a moment to just give in.

"Because she likes me and she wants you to be happy."

"And what do you want?" Joel's eyes leave mine briefly, flickering down to my lips and I feel all of my confidence wash away, the things I had planned in my head, the wishes that I wanted to come true, the things that I desperately needed to tell him- they're all gone. No thoughts can run through my head when he's shyly glancing at my lips, almost as if he wants to lean forward and taste them.

"To be taken care of." The honest answer leaves my lips before I can stop the words and my eyes widen briefly out of fear that he'll run for the hills or blame it on the wine but he doesn't, he just waits patiently for me to explain. It'll take a minute or two in the state that I'm in. "Never been taking care of before, especially by a man."

"That's a shame." He scoffs, setting his glass of wine down, implying something greater than him being done with his drink, especially with the way that his hand comes down to rest inches away from my bare knee.

"All this talent- gone to waste."

"It's just sad to hear a beautiful girl like you doesn't have more men falling over her." His eyes don't meet mine but his words meet my ears and force a shiver down my spine, my body shivering as his hand reaches up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, shamelessly and unwavering.

"I don't have a lot of time to notice many men, I guess." My voice quivers more than I wished it would've but I choose to ignore it, my confidence suddenly rising at the realization that this is Joel being handsy; subtle touches along the back of my neck, touching my cheek, fingers brushing against my knee and leaving room for me to fit perfectly in his side.

We've bridged the gap of my checkout counter and scanning belt, now only inches away from each other instead of feet. He's just how I imagined he'd feel as I lift my hand to rest on his chest, briefly brushing over the neckline of his simple t-shirt.

"You noticed me." He mutters bashfully, cheeks heating up once more and his blush crawls down the expanse of his throat and beneath the collar of his shirt.

"Your daughter kind of forced you into my point of view."

"I'm sorry about her." He laughs, looking down at his lap again, nervously toying with his fingers. I reach out to him, setting my small hand atop his, stopping his fidgeting in its tracks and causing his eyes to lift to mine.

"I'm not." I grin, giving his hand a simple squeeze before setting my wine down beside his, opening up my hands and arms for him just in case he wants the opportunity to sink into me.

"You're good at this. I'm a little rusty." He admits bashfully with a soft smile, eyes flickering out the window once more to distract himself, sun setting in the sky as the TV plays quietly in the background.

"That's okay." I whisper, fingers hesitantly reaching out to brush across his jaw and I worry briefly that he'll push me away, tell me that he's not a touchy person, but instead his eyes flutter shut and he leans into my tongue, almost desperately. "I'm not asking for much."

"I know you're not and that's what's fucking scary." He laughs, chest rumbling and I smile, giving him a simple shrug. My simplicity is what I always assumed would bring Joel and I close to each other, neither of us having much time for games especially in the world of dating. "It's easy- being with you, I mean."

"Really? Cuz you're really hard to be with." I tease, watching his eyes widen in brief fear but I put an end to it almost immediately. "I feel like my heart's going to burst out of my chest."

"You're joking?" He asks sincerely, brows tugging together and I laugh.

"I'm not. The amount of times Sarah's muttered 'be cool' to me before you've rolled your cart up to the check out line is too many times to count on two hands." He looks beyond surprised, lips fanning out into a cocky smirk, confidence brightening up his once nervous expression.

"I never knew I had that effect on you."

"Then I've done a good job at not looking like an idiot."

"I'm the idiot." He laughs, leaning into me briefly, hand sneaking around my shoulder so his fingers can draw simple circles on my bicep. "Should've asked you out without the help of my teenage daughter."

"She planned this, didn't she?" I ask with a tilt of my head but I already know the answer, knowing that Sarah has wanted us together for the longest time, making sly comments throughout the months about how much she loves to see her dad so happy. "Us coming together, being alone?"

"Not the smartest idea, huh?" He adjusts in his seat and I eye his thighs carefully but not carefully enough cuz his fingers tap my arm in an attempt to get my attention and I laugh bashfully before addressing his comment.

"Why?"

"I don't trust myself around you." He admits with a heavy sigh.

"Good." I smirk, hands reaching out to massage his shoulder, electricity sparking under my touch and I feel him visibly tense beside me, eyes watching my fingers out of the corner of his eyes. "You need to loosen up a bit."

"Now you're coming onto me." I giggle, leaning into him, tucking my face into the crook of his neck, finally giving into him and he does the same, pulling me into him by the shoulder, arm tightening around me almost as if he's trying to keep me tucked into him.

"Sure am." His large hand soothes over my thighs that are curled up on his own and it makes me freeze, head tilting up so I can look up at him through my lashes, catching the way his eyes flicker down to my lips.

Before I can process it, his lips are on mine, softly and unbelievably timid, his hand gently cupping my jaw while his thumb tucks beneath my chin so he can kiss me better, my whole body frozen in his touch.

He's a good kisser, a better kisser than I would've anticipated, especially with how single he's been for so long. I always thought that it would be me- the experienced one, the confident one- but with his lips on mine I feel completely and utterly at his mercy.

This isn't fair.

Taking a leap of faith, I swing a leg over his thighs, finally sitting where I've wanted to all night, sinking down onto his thighs with a moan, not once slipping from his hungry lips. His hands grip my waist, dragging me against him and a surprised gasp leaves me, lips finally parting from his as I gasp in a few breaths, wide eyes looking back at me.

"Hi." I whisper breathlessly, loving the huge smile that spreads across his lips at my fragile tone and I can feel my body trembling against his, all of my nerves from the last few months coming out all at once.

"You good?"

"I just-" I start but air forces it's way into my lungs in an exasperated gasp. "I've been thinking about this, dreaming about this, for months." His eyes are so incredibly soft as he looks- gazes- adoringly up at me, hands encompassing my hot cheeks in his hands, forcing me to look at him clearer.

"I should've kissed you months ago." I grin obnoxiously into the next kiss he gives me, squealing when he lifts me further into his arms, standing up with almost no hesitation, arms looped around my shaking thighs.

"Where are we going?" I ask with a breathless giggle, holding onto him tight as my fingers card through his hair.

"Depends where you wanna do this?" Fuck. I tuck my face in the crook of his neck, almost needing to hide from him with the way that he's speaking to me, my stomach twisting and legs desperately clenching around his waist.

"Fuck." I whisper, feeling his chest rumble against mine. "I wanna be comfortable."

"Bed it is, then."

By the time we make it to be the bedroom, his hands are pushing the top of my dress down over my shoulders, hungry lips finding purchase on the junction of my neck, biting and sucking a bright red mark into my heated skin.

I can barely keep up with him like this, the way he's already pushing my clothes off, chasing my lips, hands exploring everywhere they can- it's almost overwhelming but I'd never want him to stop.

I fumble with his t-shirt, tugging it over his head with an excited giggle, immediately finding his lips once more after tossing his t-shirt to the ground. I'm pushing him back on the bed before he can take control again, deciding to find my confidence once more as I straddle his hips.

"Is this how we're doing this?" Joel asks, arms tossed over his head and I just take a second to think about how handsome he is, sweaty hair matted to his forehead, eyes completely soft but his pupils are taking up nearly all of his beautiful brown eyes, simply from arousal.

"That okay with you?" I ask, dragging my nails down his chest, seeing soft pink marks in their wake and his eyes widen, lip tucking between his teeth as he watches me grind myself against him, the roughness of his jeans satisfying the need for friction.

"Do you see me arguing?" He asks, brows furrowing in faux confusion and I grin wickedly, fingers toying with the waistband of the denim, watching the anticipatory look pass through Joel's expression.

"Good." I pop the button with ease, the sound of the zipper undoing acting like magic to my ears. "Because I've been thinking about this for months." He helps me kick his jeans off and onto the floor and my mouth waters, seeing the print of his cock beneath his boxers.

"You are gorgeous." The compliment makes me impossibly wetter than I was before, my lips parting in breathy gasps as tug his boxers off, his cock springing up and into my hand.

I grin, taking his breath away as I give him a few strokes for good measure, before lifting onto my knees, not even bothering to take my panties off. I pull them aside, biting my lip to conceal the plethora of curses that want to fly out of me as I drag his cock against my clit, bumping the sensitive bundle of nerves with every stripe I make.

"Fuck, woman, you're killing me." He groans, back arching off the bed as his hands find my thighs, giving them a firm squeeze, urging me to sink down on him and I do, slowly, giving myself time to adjust.

My jaw drops in a silent groan, nothing but a gasped breath leaving me and I firmly plant my hands on his chest, giving myself a moment to think about nothing but the stretch that his cock is giving me.

"Fuck Joel." I whisper, lifting my hips gently as Joel takes control, meeting my thrusts to lift his hip up and against me and he feels deeper and deeper every time our hips meet. His thumb slips down, brushing skillfully across my clit and I fold, my body collapsing on top of his, face tucking into the crook of his neck.

"You wanna keep going?" He asks breathlessly, pressing kisses to my cheek and my hairline, reassuring me and comforting me throughout the way and it makes my heart swell with something greater than care.

"Please just fuck me hard, I need to cum." He flips me on my back in a second, hitting the deepest parts of me as he hikes one of my legs over his hip, biceps tensing as he holds himself up, pounding into me at an unrelenting pace. "Then we can worry about soft."

He takes my words seriously, leaning up so he can look down at me, spine straightening and his hips work like a piston, chest rising and falling in frantic breaths as his head tips back in pleasure, a loud groan leaving him.

We're chasing our highs like we've chased after each other the last few months, all of the pining and shy smiles coming down to this one moment of trust and closeness. It almost makes me emotional to think of how madly in love with him I've been just from afar, that I'm here right now, in his bed with a giddy smile on my lips.

Most people say its impractical that couples can finish at the same time but when I finally topple over the edge, Joel's arms wrapped firmly around my trembling body, it pulls him along with me, cumming with a loud groan.

"Fuck." We whisper at the same time, tipsy, tired giggles leaving us as our hearts pound, coming down from our highs slowly but surely. He rubs my hips soothingly and I begin to feel the familiar ache of my joints after being carried and tossed around, our giggles dying down into small laughs and slowly even that turn into kisses.

"Wanna go to dinner next weekend?" Joels asks, rolling off of me and onto his back and an 'oof', looking to me with a bright grin, his cheeks dusted in a gentle pink.

"Wanna go to dinner now?" I offer, clutching his bedsheets to my chest as I roll onto my stomach, pecking his bicep gently as I curl into his side for the second time tonight.

"Breakfast for dinner?" His eyes widen excitedly at his own offer and I nod, feeling completely and utterly safe and sound in his bed right now. There's no judgment, no worries on my end, just happy to be here after all of this time of wishing I could be with him.

"I adore you."

[bestdeadbeatmilf]

Round One, Bracket Three

Propaganda under the cut!

Kenjaku:

Submission 1: Kenjaku. Absolutely. Experienced the miracle of childbirth to have a son (for purely the purposes of being a vessel ) they did not bother to get to know- going quite a bit past being a deadbeat mother, what with murdering his father and leaving him to grow up raised completely by his grandfather. Actually, forget being a deadbeat mother to one son, try all nine of his siblings as well, all ditched immediately after birth! But they’re not really done after leaving the scene, and have lovingly taken the time to bodysnatch the ex of their son’s teacher, happily ruin their son’s life by making his head a roommate for an ancient sorcerer that gets him on society’s death row, barely bat an eye at the deaths of nearly all their sons, try to kill one of their sons, set up circumstances that nearly get their other son killed, and run into one of their son’s friends only to cheerful tell her they’re grateful she got along with their son. And then died housing their ex’s fetus in their man-made womb. Wonderful.

Submission 2:

Kenjaku is a genderless brain thing that took over the main character's (Itadori) mom and got laid by the main Itadori's dad in order ot enact her evil plan for the future. Truest deadbeat mom in the world she leaves soon after giving birth and Itadori doesn't know who his mom is. But wow she's kind of hot I can't lie. She's got game, she's hot and she's ambitious with her goals in life? Queen of my heart.

Extra notes: Wins both hottest deadbeat milf and dilf award in my heart

Lee Sookyung:

Submission 1:

Without spoiling too much, she kinda sorta maybe went to jail for murdering her abusive husband, and then maybe sorta kinda wrote a bestselling book about it thereby ruining her son's life by forever associating him with a murderer and then kinda maybe sorta doesn't ever address what happened and instead continues to pull the "mother knows best card" even though she hasn't spoken to him in like 20 years. SPOILER WARNING: For that reason she also is sorta maybe kinda the reason the apocalypse happens but we're not playing the blame game here she just sucks

Extra notes: I am legally required to tell you to read ORV

Submission 2:

murdered her abusive husband <3 then she wrote a book about it <3 accidentally ruined her sons life because of her refusal to speak to him/convey solidarity about the book and press attention with him + taught him that the only and best way to communicate your love for your child is to leave. when it was prophesied that he was going to be killed by the person he loved most she kidnapped and trapped him in a recreation of their childhood house and killed him. it didnt even fulfill the prophecy. shes so cool and leads an entire gang of female prisoners in the apocalypse and her sponsor/god is also a mom (and a bear. and the mother of the founder of korea). she hates her sons favorite character so bad for raising him where she didnt. you could make an argument that she gets into yuri with her sons friends if you want.

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Kat, my beloved, I love you. 🥹🥹🥹

For the GMNO’s October Spooktacular, may I pretty please have my favorite grumpy apocalypse man, Joel Miller, and something like smutty/fluffy, just like some good time sexiness?

You are incredible, and I thank you very much. 🥰🥰🥰

Spooktacular Day 6: Trick or Treat

pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

rating: F (i initially meant to make this smutty but this went in a totally different direction and i’m not completely mad at it?? maybe a part two??)

Spooktacular Masterlist

“You remember what to say?” Joel walked with his six-year old daughter, Sarah, up to his neighbors house, Tommy on her other side.

“Trick or treat,” she repeated the phrase her father had been teaching her over the last few weeks, this Halloween marking her first ever trick-or-treat experience.

“Alright,” Joel chuckled and stepped up to the front door and rang the doorbell, Tommy waiting behind the two.

“Well, hello. What do we have here?”

Joel’s breath was stolen from his lungs at the sight of his new neighbor, beautiful and around his age unlike all the others.

“Trick or treat!” Sarah exclaimed with a smile, holding her pumpkin-shaped pale towards you.

“Remember the song I taught ya?” Tommy whispered to the little girl while Joel stared ahead at you, unable to form any words but his lips parted anyways.

“Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me somethin’ good to eat! If you don’t, I don’t care, I’ll pull down your—“

“Alright,” Joel shushed his daughter with a chuckle, turning to give Tommy who was snickering behind them an unamused glare. “Sorry ‘bout that.”

“No, I thought that was great. Encore!” You smiled down at the girl, eyes unwilling to look too closely at the handsome dilf you’d been eyeing since you moved in last month. You reached into the candy bowl on your entry table and grabbed a handful, not worried about being too generous since you hadn’t seen many children besides Sarah around the neighborhood.

“Thank you,” Sarah grinned and looked up at her dad, Joel still gawking at you. “Can we go to another house now?”

“Yeah, uh, sure, honey,” he reluctantly turned his eyes away from you and to his daughter, petting the top of her head. “Tommy, you wanna take her next door, I’ll catch up with y’all in a second.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, both of you watching as Sarah and Tommy started towards the house across the street.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” You asked finally, confused but intrigued by his staying behind. Joel turned to you with a nervous chuckle, looking down at the doormat beneath his boots.

“I, uh, just wanted to introduce myself, I guess.” His green eyes met yours and you felt your cheeks heat, a smile finding its way to your face at the sight of him so nervous. You’d been admiring him from a distance for so long, but the view from up close was better than anything you could’ve imagined. “I’m Joel, that’s my little girl, Sarah. And that’s my little brother, Tommy.”

You nodded, giving him your name and shaking his hand, the warmth of his palm sending you into a frenzy. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Joel, but I’m sure your wife wouldn’t be too happy knowing that you’ve lingered at my doorstep this long.”

“No wife.” He smirked at you, seemingly seeing through your clever way of figuring out his relationship status. “What about you? Your boyfriend gonna be mad if I ask for your number?”

You chuckled, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning against the doorframe. “No boyfriend.”

“Good, well, I’d love to take you out sometime—“

“Daddy, look! I got so much candy!” Sarah came running up the lawn to her father, showing him the inside of her pail—everyone seemingly in a generous mood tonight.

“Gonna be bouncin’ off the walls,” he chuckled and turned back to you in time to see you scribbling on a scrap of paper before handing it over to him.

“Don’t be afraid to call me whenever.” Something in your tone caused Joel to stutter, mumbling some incoherent response as he tucked the paper in his pocket.

“I—yep—uh—c-call ya—alright,” he cleared his throat and gave you a smile before quickly turning around and walking to his brother standing on the sidewalk with an amused smirk. “Don’t you dare—“

“You’re blushing!” He teased, ignoring his brothers warning. “You see that, Sarah? Your dad’s blushing like a little girl.”

“Little girls don’t blush that bad.” Both men chuckled at her wit, Joel shaking his head and pushing his daughter forward.

“Come on, you two.” Joel chuckled again and shook his head. “Tweedledee and Tweedledum, I swear.”

•••

joel miller taglist: @uselsshuman @joelmillerscoffee @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @harriedandharassed @trickstersp8 @trinkets01 @jlmaddinson @laureliciousdefinition @oh-no-a-whovian @buoyfriend @chorraich @extraneous-trip @oliviajdjarin @graciexmarvel @amb11 @reigndropss @multifand0m-gal0re @hypnoash @chronic-aly @wheresarizona @pedropascalsx @xocalliexo @myswficlist @untitledarea (sorry if your tag isn’t working! and let me know if you’d like to be added!)

[chvoswxtch]

come have a drink at mine 🥂 (closed)

☾ masterlist for my 2k followers friends celebration!

you can find the details/breakdown of this celebration here!

☾ margarita:

»— dancing with our hands tied. (frank castle)

»— adore you. (frank castle)

»— willow. (frank castle)

»— cinnamon girl. (frank castle)

»— anything. (frank castle)

»— pick me. (matt murdock)

»— apocalypse. (matt murdock)

»— new years day. (matt murdock)

»— sorry. (matt murdock)

»— gold rush. (matt murdock)

»— the devil is human. (matt murdock)

»— everyday you play. (billy russo)

»— high maintenance. (billy russo)

☾ margarita on the rocks:

»— cardigan.* (matt murdock)

»— dress.* (matt murdock)

»— cruel summer.* (matt murdock)

»— all of the girls you loved before.* (matt murdock)

»— fire & gasoline.* (matt murdock)

»— holding out for a hero.* (frank castle)

»— fallin' all in you.* (frank castle)

»— only we know.* (billy russo)

»— exile.* (javier peña)

☾ old fashioned:  

»— billy russo & jealousy

»— austin's favorite dilf: joel miller*

»— frank castle & being an ally

»— frank castle doesn't mind blood

»— frank castle's meat*

»— frank castle & jealousy

»— frank castle takes a goddamn day off

»— matt murdock loves yoga

»— matt murdock joins the mile high club*

»— matt murdock being the third wheel in his own relationship

»— matt murdock & frank castle are really great boyfriends

☾ martini:

»— golden hour

»— i am not a woman, i'm a god

»— dancing queen

☾ glass of wine:

»— court's ranch water recipe

»— the eras tour (court's version)

»— court's wine recs

»— all things jewelry, tacos, & chocolate chip cookies

☾ tequila shot:

»— casamigos with jessica

»— patrón with foggy

»— 1800 with din

»— jose cuervo with dean

»— don julio with frankie

»— herradura with yelena

»— macallan with matty

»— clase azul with natasha

»— el jimador with bucky

☾ glass of champagne:

»— prosecco with matty

☾ long island iced tea:

»— cast your mutuals: marvel edition

»— cast your mutuals: colors edition

»— cast your mutuals: favorite songs edition

»— cast your mutuals: who's at the bar edition

»— fuck, marry, kill- jessica/elektra/karen

»— bonus round with matty, frankie, & dean

[meowdarame]

2012 COLLAB.

STATUS: ACCEPTING CREATORS. JOIN NOW!

Hey y’all! To celebrate the 10th anniversary of Haikyuu!! and my 21st birthday, I’m hosting my first open collab for anyone to join! 

This collab is open to both writers and artists, and I’m really looking forward to seeing all the fun works that everyone creates!

Theme: Anything and everything 2012! From the rise of One Direction, to the fall of the Capitol in The Hunger Games; from Taylor Swift’s monumental Red album, to the end of the world on December 21, 2012— the possibilities are endless. Pick your favorite iconic moment, novel, song, film, or pop culture reference from this year to rewrite our favorites in!

Fandoms: Haikyuu!!, My Hero Academia, Jujutsu Kaisen, Attack on Titan, Demon Slayer

Rules:

You must be 18+ to join! Please have your age visible on your blog; ageless blogs will not be allowed to join and minors will be blocked.

SFW/NSFW/DC are all allowed! Just please be sure to tag warnings as necessary.

All characters must be canonically 18+ or aged up. No exceptions.

All writing is accepted (headcanons, drabbles, oneshots, fics, series, etc). There is no required word limit; however, please try to write at least 500 words!

To join, send me an ask or a DM, including which character(s) you are writing for, your preferred reader (M, F, GN), and the novel/song/film/moment/etc you are basing your work on. Last day to join will be April 1, 2022.

Each writer can sign up for only one work at a time; I want this to be a fun and low-stress collab! Should you finish and want to write another, you are welcome to sign up again.

There are no limits to how many times a character or AU/trope can be claimed. However, a combination cannot be repeated twice. For example, if Writer A is writing for Atsumu in a zombie apocalypse AU (The Walking Dead video game), Writer B cannot write for him in this trope as well. However, Writer B can sign up to write for a different character in a zombie apocalypse AU or for Atsumu in a different AU.

Threesomes/poly relationships are accepted! 

Please reblog this post after you sign up!

When your work is posted, please tag me or send it to me in my inbox. Please also use the tag #dice.2012 on your submission!

Notes: If you have any questions regarding the technicalities of the collab, need help fleshing out an idea, or just want to know if the trope you want to write for qualifies for the collab, do not hesitate to reach out to me! I’m glad to help!

Due Date: April 23 (my 21st birthday!), but this is not a hard deadline. If you need more time, let me know!

Need a refresher of 2012? Here are just a few iconic moments from that year, plus examples of potential works based on these original works and moments! (Note: These are merely suggestions; your works can have a similar (but not exact) plot to the original piece or it can just be loosely based on the original. Additionally, you can just take an aspect, concept, line, or vibe from the original and create something based on that. It’s really up to you!)

Music: Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange album; Kendrick Lamar’s good kid, m.A.A.d city album; Lana del Rey’s Born to Die album; “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye and Kimbra; “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen; “Want U Back” by Cher Lloyd + more!

“Off to the Races” by Lana del Rey = dilf or yakuza AU

The Rise of One Direction = boyband AU

Books: Fifty Shades Freed by E.L. James; The Fault in our Stars by John Green; The Selection by Kiera Cass; Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn; The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan + more!

Fifty Shades Freed = a smutty work centered around BDSM and/or sub/dom dynamics

The Mark of Athena = demigod AU  

Films and Shows:  The Avengers; The Amazing Spiderman; The Perks of Being a Wallflower;  Les Miserables; Radio Rebel; Haikyuu!!; Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure; Sword Art Online; The Legend of Korra; the final addition to The Twilight Saga + more!

The Avengers = superhero AU

The Twilight Saga = vampire AU

Video Games: Slender: The Eight Pages; Flappy Bird; The Walking Dead, Season 1; Call of Duty: Black Ops II; Dishonored + more!

The Walking Dead = zombie apocalypse AU

Dishonored = steampunk AU

Pop Culture: the supposed apocalypse on Dec. 21; FRED (Youtube star); O2L (Youtube group); London summer Olympics; Prince William and Kate announce royal pregnancy; Overly Attached Girlfriend (internet meme)

O2L = characters as Youtubers or living in a content creator house

The Royal Pregnancy = royal AU

𝑴𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻

𝑯𝒂𝒊𝒌𝒚𝒖𝒖!!

@christeningsakusa | multiple hq boys x f!reader | based on The Hunger Games trilogy

haikyuu boys as your partner in the hunger games

@lou-struck | miya atsumu x f!reader | college AU

“let’s just sit here.” | end of the world keg party

@sweetsbysatori | bloodbender!kenma x f!reader | based on The Legend of Korra

the prettiest puppet

@kirakirasaku | hanamaki takahiro gangnam style art

oppa makki style!

@pazumane | sakusa x reader | pro-bender AU, based on The Legend of Korra

@momochimo | karasuno first years | Take Me Home drawing, one direction AU

@ohtobiors | guitarist!sakusa x f!reader | based on guitarist sungha jung

@lunaevangeline | oikawa x f!reader | scientist AU, based on 2012 apocalypse

@nappingwithyuuji | youtuber!kenma | minecraft youtuber AU

@cherrybabybo | daichi x reader | angst inspired by All Too Well by taylor swift

@mxonigirimiya | osamu x gn!reader | sfw amnesia au inspired by The Vow

“The Vow”

@bokutosmochi | semi x f!reader | inspired by “National Anthem” by Lana del Rey

summer’s in the air (and baby heaven’s in your eyes)

𝑴𝒚 𝑯𝒆𝒓𝒐 𝑨𝒄𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒂

𝑱𝒖𝒋𝒖𝒕𝒔𝒖 𝑲𝒂𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒏

𝑨𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒏 𝑻𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒏

𝑫𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒏 𝑺𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒓

@cherrykamado | kamado tanjiro | based on “Sing About Me, I’m Dying Of Thirst” by Kendrick Lamar

𝑻𝒐𝒌𝒚𝒐 𝑹𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒔

@01-20-1992 | spiderman!chifuyu x f!reader | spiderman AU, based on the Marvel franchise

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[recswithluv]

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🍊 recs » all of the fics i’ve reblogged

Last updated: March 26, 2021

[midnightvices]

I see the argument all the time that people didn't like TLOU Part 2 because Joel was just so not Joel - and don't get me wrong I definitely agree. Never would Part 1 Joel have saved some random girl, tell her who he was, and then venture to where her community members were stored away. The unrealistic amount of trust Joel found for Abby is astounding.

Part 2 Joel was definitely soft, which isn't a bad thing necessarily. It's actually something I think we all love. Joel deserved to loosened up, nest a bit, and realize that there's a lot of good left in the world. BUT there's not so much so that you can just be friendly to every random stranger you meet outside your town. Yes, Part 1 Joel would have known better. That's just fact.

My issue with Part 2 is less about Joel (that's a lie, there's a HUGE part that's still most definitely about Joel) but more about Ellie and her immunity.

So let's - for only a moment because we can't be away long - set aside our undeniable love for our favorite dilf. We'll be back for it later.

TLOU through and through is set in a world of growing infected and the thinning human race. Basic post apocalyptic zombie world. Part 1 is literally all about getting the only known human to be IMMUNE from the infection to a doctor who could create a cure. Yes, of course, it has heart and feeling and father/daughter bonds, but take that way, and here's the thing: you still have a PLOT.

Even if Joel didn't end up caring for Ellie as much as he did, he still would have done what he needed to. He still would have Lord of The Ringsed her across the country to the Fireflies. They didn't have to make us love Joel and Ellie and they definitely didn't have to make us love Joel and Ellie TOGETHER. That was just pure blessing.

It probably wouldn't have been as good of game had Joel been a dick the entire time, chucked Ellie into Mount Doom, and rode off thinking he did his part in saving a race he didn't really give a fuck about. Wholesome? Course not. But I'm sure they could filter it over with City of Gotham vibes somehow and make it work... maybe?

Either way we wouldn't have had such a controversial Part 2 that's for sure.

To me the whole point of Part 1 got lost in Part 2. We went from trying to safely tranfer a teen to save the world to chasing after someone to get revenge. And I don't want to say revenge is a dumb way to move a plot. There are great storylines that are based solely on revenge (John Wick, Kill Bill, Gladiator) but these stories aren't already established with a particular and significant understanding. What happened to saving the world? What happened to every single thing we and Joel and Ellie went through in Part 1? What, and I feel like I shouldn't have to say this, the hell happened to Ellie being immune? It's only mentioned to explain why she can survive the spores, but otherwise not relevant and almost unimportant. We would love her even without it, but in this world, it's the kind of thing I feel like shouldn't be overlooked when infected are literally evolving to blow up.

Joel might be our main character in Part 1 but Ellie is the point. Ellie is the purpose. Her immunity is the reason for everything. She's so pissed at Joel for saving her from the Fireflies that she avoids him for two years. I would assume someone that heated and invested in their own self sacrifice would at least keep an ear out for a second chance at a cure. There could have been ways to tie in her immunity BEFORE and WITH revenge for Joel's death. Maybe a WLF doctor working with Abby's dad's old medical notes? I don't know.

Perhaps I'm just someone who wants to get a solution to a problem that we fought so hard for even if a solution just isn't in the cards. Apocalypses are apocalypses for a reason - no easy fix. Maybe I'm so used to stories were the chosen one, the important one, the unicorn is front and center with their significance and used appropriately. TLOU is rugged and real and nowhere near a story of sunshine, rainbows, and perfect endings, but don't present me with a character that's the end all be all to the infection cure and then never get there.

I want to say I'm only upset with the game because Joel died or because he died in such a way that he did. I think that would be a little easier. It would be easier than saying the graphics and game play are amazing once you take away context. Easier than saying that overlooking the plot, the world we get to explore is immaculate. And definitely easier than saying that while I'll play the game again, and still enjoy it, it's with an internal realization that despite the same world and the same characters, the game we were given was not The Last of Us.

[spicysoftsweet]

ok ok here’s the game

all these random responses are very important i swear. tell me the following:

1. the first thing you ate this morning

2. your favorite nostalgic anime

3. is water wet? yes or no :|

4. if you were in a zombie apocalypse, how long would you try to survive? i will accept answers anywhere from ‘i’d survive till the end’ to ‘i’d lay down and leave my body for the wildebeests in the first ten minutes’

5. what weapon would you bring if you and i had to take this outside? whatever ‘this’ is.

after answering these 5 questions, i will pair you with literally any old man. 

caveat!!!! old man will be defined as any person over the age of 45 for reasons. some of you will get dilfs. some of you will get fossils.

may the odds be with you.

[nialltlynch]

2, 4, 19 for the fanfic asks? :3

2. What’s next on your ‘to-read’ list? (Fan fiction or otherwise)

for  fic stuff: kitkat's post mag200 fixit fic has been open since they posted and i really need to read it!! for otherwise: i'm almost done with Hollow Kingdom (if you want a fun zombie apocalypse story it might scratch that itch! idk i don't' usually read stuff like this sdfklf) and i think i'll either read Jude, the Obscure or Castle in the Air. 

4. What fandom’s/ship’s fan fiction do you read the most?

i think.......i think sheer volume it was probably dramione. there was just so much!! most of it was Not Good!! those were wild times. don't make fun of me asdlkj

19. What’s your favorite character headcanon?

uhhhhhhhhhh bryde is definitely a dilf <333 (im sorry i cant think of anything else off the top of my head!!)

send me fanfic asks!!

[fyrapartnersearch]

Fallout/LOTR/Resident Evil OCs

I’m Ben, 23, they/them, looking for longterm 18+ partners to write some M/M storylines with! My timezone is GMT-6/CST and my preferred roleplay medium is email, but I don’t mind using discord for ooc. All characters I write involved in romance will be adults, so I expect that from you, too.

I only write ocs and am only looking to write oc/oc romances! I don’t like writing canon characters, sorry.

I'm looking for partners to write ocs in for Fallout, The Lord of The Rings, or Resident Evil!

I'm looking for someone who:

... is 18+. I'm down for writing smut and equally as down for fading to black, my main thing is I just want to write with fellow adults since there will be adult themes like violence and language. Open to darker themes, but we'll have to discuss specifics. (When it comes to smut, I generally write switch characters - if you’re the type of person who only plays bottom roles, we won’t mix well, sorry.)

... writes multi-para or novella. I can do either and am open to either! I like writing and really getting into a character's head, hehe.

... can respond at least once a week. Similarly, someone who won't get upset if I can't respond daily - I have a job and a life outside roleplaying! If we're doing multi-para I'll probably be able to respond at least once a day if not more, it all depends on the length.

... is friendly! I loooove talking ooc and getting invested and just spitballing ideas or funny stuff about our ocs or headcanons together!! I like shooting off tiktoks, moodboards and making playlists, too! I want to be friends.

These are some of the ideas I’ve got. I’m also game for writing f/f or nb/f, nb/m, nb/nb in the case of writing more than one couple if we’re doubling/tripling/etc. In italics is the role I’m looking to play, but I really love making characters so I honestly wouldn’t mind it if you’d rather flip the roles around! If both roles are in italics, that means I don't mind playing either.

Fallout…

I have no idea how to give this one a plot desc but I think ghouls are underutilized and deserve love and I have a nosy vault dweller fresh in the wasteland who has a thing for ghouls so cue “Never Ever Getting Rid of Me” from Waitress. My kingdom for whoever will write this because I always feel like ghouls are never appreciated enough and I’d like to get into that - and this character is a lot more "fun," for lack of another word, than a lot of the characters I'm used to writing. I have a couple plot ideas for this character x a ghoul but I'll keep this short.

A capricious hitman develops a morbid infatuation (obsession?) with an older wasteland doctor who doesn’t pry about where he gets his injuries. Things get a little complicated when said hitman’s business starts poking their nose into where he disappears off to.

warnings: age gap (my character is 25 but I’ve always pictured him against someone older than him), possessive behavior, anything you’d think of when it comes to homoerotic assassins in the nuclear apocalypse. I have an arc planned for my character but he’s definitely not picture perfect to begin with lol.

A gruff traveling mercenary is hired to escort an important figure across the wasteland. Maybe your character is genuinely important for some big reason or they’re just a face fresh out of a vault faring against the wastes for the first time - or any other reason! The bottom line is my character is stuck with protecting your character from whatever comes their way.

I have a dilf single father I'd like to write but I literally have no other ideas or characterizations beyond that concept alone, lol. Maybe he gets wrapped up in some stuff and gets involved with something with your character?

...Or any other pairing/plot! Those are just a couple of ideas for some preplanned characters I have (I have character sheets for them but I won't tack them on here), but fallout is a series where I love making new characters! I've got lots of ideas, haha.

TLoTR...

No plot in mind, really, but I like adventures and I like fantasy so I’m sure we can think of something! Maybe a group of travelers or something?

Hobbit x Human (I'd also be more than willing to play the human, I just have a ton of hobbit ideas haha)

Elf x Hobbit

Dwarf x Hobbit

Human x Dwarf

Human x Elf (This isn't my favorite pairing duo but I'm open to it!)

Resident Evil…

I have literally no idea. It’s my favorite series but I’m serious when I say I don’t have any set plots. I have been thinking about a setting in a lighthouse and some kind of plant/fish mutation stuff, though nothing concrete. If you’d want to brainstorm something together, email me and we can get something going. I'm open to any and all suggestions! I feel like this would be such a fun setting to write ocs in and maybe make our own little lore or something.

If you're interested, my email is grincubous@gmail.com! I’ll give out my discord after initial correspondence. Also, please don't just email me with anything like "hey wanna rp?" - tell me about yourself and what interested you! Gimme something to work with lol.

[silenthillmutual]

it’s my goal to eventually work through the whole list of the AFI top 100, so here’s what’s on it and what I’ve seen: 

Citizen Kane (Orson Welles, 1941) - seen; incredibly overrated; probably would not have reached the popularity it currently has had Hearst not made such a big fucking deal about it. why this is the top spot is beyond me.

The Godfather (Francis Ford Coppola, 1972)

Casablanca (Michael Curtiz, 1942) - seen; pretty good, actually worth watching

Raging Bull (Martin Scorsese, 1980)

Singin' in the Rain (Gene Kelly, Stanley Donen, 1952) - seen; genuinely still incredibly funny and feel-good. please watch it if you haven’t!

Gone with the Wind (Victor Fleming, 1939)

Lawrence of Arabia (David Lean, 1962)

Schindler's List (Steven Spielberg, 1993) - seen most of; could not watch the second tape. incredibly heavy.

Vertigo (Alfred Hitchcock, 1958) - seen; not bad, but why the hell is this above Rear Window?! it’s hardly had the same lasting cultural effect as Rear Window, The Birds, Psycho, or even The 39 Steps

The Wizard of Oz (Victor Fleming, 1939) - seen, but like, who hasn’t?

City Lights (Charlie Chaplin, 1931) - seen; i think i like Modern Times better but it’s still good!

The Searchers (John Ford, 1956)

Star Wars (George Lucas, 1977) - seen; still holds up pretty well to modern scifi imo

Psycho (Alfred Hitchcock, 1960) - seen; a classic. should be above Vertigo.

2001: A Space Odyssey (Stanley Kubrick, 1968) - seen; i can understand why this made the list but if you can only watch one significant sci-fi film, watch Fritz Lang’s Metropolis instead. to everyone except cishet white guys, 2001ASO will be extraordinarily difficult to sit through. the pacing is godawful.

Sunset Boulevard (Billy Wilder, 1950)

The Graduate (Mike Nichols, 1967) - seen; not sure i can tell you what makes it special, though. i guess it’s good as far as 60s movies go, but i’d rather Rebel Without a Cause stayed on here.

The General (Buster Keaton, Clyde Bruckman, 1926) - i’m pretty sure i’ve seen this but i can’t remember anything about it.

On the Waterfront (Elia Kazan, 1954) - seen; definitely watch this one, it’s so good

It's a Wonderful Life (Frank Capra, 1946) - seen; obviously, since i’m Catholic. a Christmas standard, but if the holidays depress you don’t watch it then.

Chinatown (Roman Polanski, 1974)

Some Like It Hot (Billy Wilder, 1959)

The Grapes of Wrath (John Ford, 1940)

E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (Steven Spielberg, 1982) - seen, but i don’t remember anything about it.

To Kill a Mockingbird (Robert Mulligan, 1962) - seen; i think it was pretty good but the only thing I remember is that Atticus Finch is the original DILF.

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (Frank Capra, 1939)

High Noon (Fred Zinnemann, 1952)

All About Eve (Joseph L. Mankiewicz, 1950)

Double Indemnity (Billy Wilder, 1944)

Apocalypse Now (Francis Ford Coppola, 1979)

The Maltese Falcon (John Huston, 1941) - seen it, but i don’t remember anything about it, so i’m gonna rewatch it

The Godfather Part II (Francis Ford Coppola, 1974)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (Miloš Forman, 1975)

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (David Hand, 1937) - seen; the forest part still freaks me out, to be honest

Annie Hall (Woody Allen, 1977) - seen; i begrudgingly have to admit that it is pretty good. if you’ve seen (500) Days of Summer, you’ve pretty much seen Annie Hall.

The Bridge on the River Kwai (David Lean, 1957)

The Best Years of Our Lives (William Wyler, 1946)

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (John Huston, 1948)

Dr. Strangelove (Stanley Kubrick, 1964) - i genuinely can’t remember if i ever managed to watch this all the way through or not. i know i tried several times in sixth grade because i, for some reason, had a crush on Peter Sellers, but if i ever managed to make it through it was apparently unremarkable enough that i can’t recall it.

The Sound of Music (Robert Wise, 1965) - seen; not sure what there is to say about it. but i certainly have seen it.

King Kong (Merian C. Cooper, Ernest B. Schoedsack, 1933)

Bonnie and Clyde (Arthur Penn, 1967) - seen; really wasn’t that great. not sure why so many people have a hardon for this movie. again...could we not have kept Rebel Without a Cause instead?

Midnight Cowboy (John Schlesinger, 1969)

The Philadelphia Story (George Cukor, 1940)

Shane (George Stevens, 1953)

It Happened One Night (Frank Capra, 1934)

A Streetcar Named Desire (Elia Kazan, 1951)

Rear Window (Alfred Hitchcock, 1954) - seen; definitely up there with Psycho. how this placed so far behind Vertigo, of all the Hitchcock movies, i’ll never understand. skip Vertigo and watch Rear Window instead.

Intolerance (D. W. Griffith, 1916)

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (Peter Jackson, 2001) - seen; very good, of course, but i rewatched it after reading the book and that was a pretty jarring experience!

West Side Story (Jerome Robbins, Robert Wise, 1961) - seen; the fact that this places below not one but two Stanley Kubrick films should be considered a type of homophobia.

Taxi Driver (Martin Scorsese, 1976) - seen; very dark but not bad. personally i think this should be above the Graduate in terms of quality.

The Deer Hunter (Michael Cimino, 1978)

MASH (Robert Altman, 1970)

North by Northwest (Alfred Hitchcock, 1959) - seen; pretty good but the ending is kind of abrupt. i guess it makes sense, for 1959 it’s absurdly long for a non-musical film. it’s like 2hr 15 minutes and that is just absolutely bonkers.

Jaws (Steven Spielberg, 1975) - seen; it fucking sucks, why are people obsessed with this film?

Rocky (John G. Avildsen, 1976)

The Gold Rush (Charlie Chaplin, 1925)

Nashville (Robert Altman, 1975)

Duck Soup (Leo McCarey, 1933) - seen about half of it and there is a very good reason i could not finish, and it is this: it was too fucking funny. it was finals and i was supposed to be writing a paper and i could not stop laughing.

Sullivan's Travels (Preston Sturges, 1941)

American Graffiti (George Lucas, 1973)

Cabaret (Bob Fosse, 1972) - seen; can’t think of another movie musical that deserves to be on here that isn’t already.

Network (Sidney Lumet, 1976)

The African Queen (John Huston, 1951)

Raiders of the Lost Ark (Steven Spielberg, 1981) - seen; i mean...it’s good... but an Indiana Jones film?

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (Mike Nichols, 1966)

Unforgiven (Clint Eastwood, 1992)

Tootsie (Sydney Pollack, 1982) - seen; not bad, but kind of a weird choice for this list? it’s not something that exactly jumps to the top of my head when i think of iconic films.

A Clockwork Orange (Stanley Kubrick, 1971) - seen; bad. extremely traumatizing. misses the point of the book. when Get Out comes of age i hope it replaces this nonsense. just another excuse for Kubirck to show off how much he hates women.

Saving Private Ryan (Steven Spielberg, 1998)

The Shawshank Redemption (Frank Darabont, 1994)

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (George Roy Hill, 1969)

The Silence of the Lambs (Jonathan Demme, 1991) - seen; one of my absolute favorite films! 

In the Heat of the Night (Norman Jewison, 1967)

Forrest Gump (Robert Zemeckis, 1994) - seen; it’s been a long time, but i seem to remember it being pretty good. considering the cultural impact i would have thought it’d be up higher on the list.

All the President's Men (Alan J. Pakula, 1976)

Modern Times (Charlie Chaplin, 1936) - seen; i liked it better than City Lights, but to each their own.

The Wild Bunch (Sam Peckinpah, 1969)

The Apartment (Billy Wilder, 1960)

Spartacus (Stanley Kubrick, 1960)

Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans (F. W. Murnau, 1927)

Titanic (James Cameron, 1997) - seen; and though i personally think it’s overrated, i’m having a hard time grappling with the fact that it somehow comes after two Kubrick films i never hear anyone talk about.

Easy Rider (Dennis Hopper, 1969) - seen about half of it. not sure that this film even has a plotline.

A Night at the Opera (Sam Wood, 1935) - seen; i absolutely loved it. i still think the Marx Bros films are hilarious and i definitely recommend this one over A Day at the Races.

Platoon (Oliver Stone, 1986)

12 Angry Men (Sidney Lumet, 1957) - seen; i was always given the impression this was a pretty remarkable and important piece of film, so how did it wind up in 87th place?! after Easy Rider, of all things?!

Bringing Up Baby (Howard Hawks, 1938)

The Sixth Sense (M. Night Shyamalan, 1999) - seen; i know Shyamalan has never managed to replicate his success, but this is still a really good film.

Swing Time (George Stevens, 1936)

Sophie's Choice (Alan J. Pakula, 1982)

Goodfellas (Martin Scorsese, 1990)

The French Connection (William Friedkin, 1971)

Pulp Fiction (Quentin Tarantino, 1994) - seen, but it was pretty confusing to me at the time so i’ll have to rewatch it. i’m a little surprised Kill Bill didn’t make the list.

The Last Picture Show (Peter Bogdanovich, 1971)

Do the Right Thing (Spike Lee, 1989)

Blade Runner (Ridley Scott, 1982) - seen and plan on rewatching. how did this get lower on the list than 2001: A Space Odyssey? it’s just as influential to sci-fi films and much more interesting.

Yankee Doodle Dandy (Michael Curtiz, 1942)

Toy Story (John Lasseter, 1995) - seen, and i’m so glad it’s on here! it really does hold up very well. i hope none of its sequels ever replace it.

Ben-Hur (William Wyler, 1959)

Total: 44/100

[demonanata]

Fowonace

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:HELL YEAHFavorite character: So many... Alex Sawyer, probablyLeast Favorite character: warden cross5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): alex x zee x lucy, alex x donovan x zee, alex x zee x simon, alzee, donovan x alex Character I find most attractive: the general at the end because i love dilfsCharacter I would marry: general hamiltonCharacter I would be best friends with: zee!A random thought: the line "my name is alex sawyer. and i am free" in the context of this series is one of the greatest literay lines ive ever seenAn unpopular opinion: i thought the series hit its stride when they escaped the prison and it turned into a body horror/apocalypse storyMy canon OTP: i think alex, zee, and lucy are basically canon by the end lol. zee and lucy have their own rooms and beds but make the choice to sleep in the same bed as alex. thats loveNon-canon OTP: theyve never met but donovan and simonMost badass character: alex for eating cross, and lucy for sheer willpower she displaysPairing I am not a fan of: the weird gross shitCharacter I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): DONOVAN... HE SHOULDVE ESCAPED WITH THEM...Favourite friendship: the furnace boys and the epilogue trio

[rapturesyncrit]

salty tears of the pure heart

hi! this is mod akechi! i made the fanfic, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it, thank you!

Dama was driven to see his lover again, renting a shady-looking taxi off the corner street in high hopes to hold his hand once again. Dressed from head to toe in a gorgeous suit while carrying a large grocery bag filled with something, the wondrous demon deity of the Five Planes kicked his bare feet against the driver’s chair and pulled out a note inscribed with the destined location to hand it over to him.

He growled in the low octaves, staying stern. “To this location, please. I have a sexy man to meet.” 

The driver glanced back behind him to the irritated demon, reading the street name and then smiled. “You’re going on a da ---”

“DRIVE.”

The metropolis streets were bustling during the late night and evenings, filled to the brim with the distracting urban noises that distracted everyone from the skeevy, yet enjoyable atmosphere that surrounded the district. A pleasant tune played through the radio speakers, something about running away from this tainted love --- it reminded Dama of an ex, someone that he broke up with due to being infatuated with a famous celebrity known by Kentaro. 

Kentaro.

The name pissed him off so bad that Dama broke a window with his bare fest and sent thunder down from the skies, smiting some poor innocent fool that was busy making a Tiktok. He simmered down afterwards, unaware of the taxi driver’s frantic face at who he’s been driving for, nonetheless, it was a long ride into the city outskirts that’d definitely promise a larger compensation for the three boring hours that practically wrote itself. Once the car had stopped at its destination, Dama opened the door from the right and stepped out, ignoring his driver’s screams about “WHAT THE FUCK, THIS IS A CHUCK E CHEESE!!!!!”

Without paying, the macabre demon opened the door to absolutely fucking nothing, it was practically abandoned by the city to be unfunded and left to rot due to age. This was a bonafide, authentic 1977’s Chuck E Cheese where the untouched prize counter reigned supreme. Dama was a nocturnal being, however he would prefer staying in dim lighting instead of pure darkness. He reached his clawed hand out for the lightswitch, powering the building on and to his surprise, not most of the lights turned on due to how dead this Chuck E Cheese’s was. Dama wrinkled his nose at the ripped-out carpet, walking on over to the main stage to see Takumi, wearing a single coned birthday hat without appearing amused in the slightest. 

Dama walked over to the long table and to Takumi’s side, dropping the bag and revealing the giant birthday cake he bought at Walmart that absolutely wasn’t expired and was freshly baked. “Happy Birthday. It took me a while to find a good cake, but I hope you like it, you downright handsome mortal. It’s even your favorite flavor, vanilla.”

Vanilla wasn’t Takumi’s favorite flavor.

Takumi stared down at the cake, blowing the stupid little kazoo that rested on his lips and slapped his cake off, flinging it down onto the floor. “Dama, what the fuck? This wasn’t what I asked for, I didn’t want a fucking vanilla cake, that’s not even my favorite flavor. It’s Mountain Dew, try a-fucking-gain!”

The goth crossed his arms, clearly pissed off as he leaned down on his dinky plastic chair and rested his legs on the table. Of course, Dama would get his favorite flavor wrong, but he didn’t mean to. 

Dama glanced at Takumi, eyes watering up before he sniffled and kissed him on the cheek. “Apologies, I didn’t think it wasn’t your favorite. You never told me. But, I’m glad that we’re here for each other tonight, together, in this lonely decrepit pizzeria.”

“Yeah, okay. Sure.” Takumi huffed, “Besides, you told me to come here for the party. What party? Last time I checked, there’s nobody here but US.”

“Just us.”, he sneered. “Do you want to know what’s special about this pizzeria?”

“What?”

“It’s ancient, I took Paschar here ever since he was a little baby. Soon enough, he’ll be your step-son and you’ll have to deal with him soon.” Dama snickered, sitting down in a chair and using his deity-based powers to summon another cake, this time it was Mountain Dew-flavored upon request. He conjured up some Monster as well, taking a sip and feeling like a boomer from the 50’s. “You did call me a DILF the first time we met.”

“No, I didn’t.”, Takumi remarked and pulled his cake closer, staring at his star-crossed lover that could certainly demolish an entire world and manipulate space/time itself. “You’re not a DILF and never will be. You’re pretty hot, I won’t lie about that. Remember when you kissed me during the Second World Apocalypse? That was so sexy.”

Suddenly, the lights flickered and turned off to cause the place to stay in complete darkness and a slight whirring could be heard behind them.

“What the fuck?”, they both said in unison, and they turned around to see…

Oh no.

It was…

Absolutely fucking nothing.

Dama snorted, “Did you think Freddy Fazbear was coming? It’s only midnight.”

“No.”, Takumi stood up and pulled himself up to the stage, smacking Charles Entertainment Cheese’s disgusting looking animatronic face to ultimately behead the machinery. “Are you fucking scared? These things aren’t coming to life, they’re robots.”

Dama tapped his muzzle, “You’re right, why would they ever? We aren’t employed to work here, in fact… I’m here to work for you.”

Getting onto the stage, Dama pulled Takumi into a deep kiss that lasted for the rest of the night as they ate cake together and threw molotov cocktails at Basil’s windows.

The End.