#my friends and family have never been subject to physical violence.

[theaustralianfrog]

Warning, this post talks about racism and is also rather long

Honestly I always was aware of the fact that I was going to be treated as different from other kids my age, but I don’t think I’ve ever truly thought everything out.

My friend, she wears a hijab when she goes outside. When she’s in public spaces like shopping malls and such, strangers give her dirty looks. You know how old she was when she told me that? She was twelve fucking years old. She was twelve and desensitised to this, to the point where she said it with a smile on her face, not an ounce of hatred or anger in her voice.

My little sister, she has gorgeous, black curly hair. Other than that, she is just the same as her friends. She loves to draw, and she loves to play, and watch cartoons. But she is convinced that her stunning, curly, natural hair is not beautiful unless she goes at it with a flat iron. She hates the noise and feeling or hair straightening tools, but if she goes to a salon, and leaves without straight hair, she’s going to cry, and she still believes in the tooth fairy. She’s that young. And when I was that young, I held that very same belief, that I was ugly because of the texture of my hair.

I should be able to go to my high school, without expecting to be called a slur. This expectation simply being common sense. I shouldn’t be able to laugh along, and go “haha yeah I did 9/11! That’s so funny!” I shouldn’t have been raised knowing that I would have less opportunity, less love, less of everything than someone exactly the same as I am, except with pale skin.

I realise that in responding to things people say, that they shouldn’t say, that I am enabling that sort of behaviour. So I can stop doing that, I can make posts on the internet, but other than that, I don’t really have any power. I eventually reported the kid who called me “Osama Bin Laden” to my head of year. Nothing came of it. “Telling a trusted adult” means nothing.

(Also something is going on with the tags, so idk just ignore the repetition its not letting me delete)

[melrodrigo]

Tardy, part 8

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11

Tara Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Summary: An unexpected family member reveal sends you spiraling, will anyone trust you now?

Warnings: Angst that turns into fluff, mention of violence, mention of sex

Word Count 2.6k

A/N: I was dying writing this chapter (both physically and mentally) but I think the writers block is gone! Thank you for 600 followers!! As always, love u guys, and tell me what you think <33

“Mom, who’s my dad?” You asked absentmindedly, legs swinging from your living room couch.

“All the other kids at school know who their dad is, who’s mine?” You continued, blissfully unaware of the tension you had just created.

Your mom turned sharply, cigarette between her lips as she spoke.

“Oh, sweetie. Your dad’s gone. It’s just you and me now.” She said as she brought the lighter up and ignited the cigarette.

“What do you mean he’s gone?” You’d asked, eyebrows furrowed.

Your mom lets out a frustrated huff before she answers again.

“I don’t know, he’s just gone. Okay? He left town. Would you leave this topic alone now?” She sounded annoyed, and you don’t want to upset her any further, so you nodded quickly and turned your attention back to the TV screen.

“Okay, Ma.”

-

You flash back into another memory, this time you’re older; freshly graduated from high school, ready to move across the country to start university.

You’ve bid your farewells to friends and relatives, promising you’ll come visit every year.

Your mom’s pulling you aside looking at you weirdly. She’s getting old, you can tell by the increasing wrinkles on her face every day.

She smiles softly, and you think she looks like the sweetest grandma ever.

“Honey, I want you to know something. About your dad.”

You raise an eyebrow, mouth dropping slightly.

Your dad has always been a touchy subject for your mom, she’s never really allowed herself to tell you the full story.

Sure, as you’ve gotten older, you’ve learned bits and pieces. He was a dirtbag, leaving your mom right after she gave birth. You’d also learned that you were born in a small town called Woodsboro but had been whisked away almost immediately.

Your mom sighs now, and everything suddenly feels very heavy.

“I just tried so hard to be both parents for you, I know it wasn’t fair to keep this from you for so long. But if you’re ready to learn who your dad is, I’m ready to tell.” She says, voice cracking only the tiniest bit. You can see how strong she’s trying to be.

You suddenly see your whole childhood flash before your eyes. Your mom sending you off and picking you up every day after school. Making meals for the two of you every night, working overtime to support the family.

“No Ma. It’s okay. I already have a dad, and his name is you.” You say, pointing to her heart.

She opens her mouth but you cut in before she can say anything.

“No, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t need a dad when I have you.” You say, and you mean it wholeheartedly.

Your mother swells with happiness and takes you in a big hug. Wraps her arms around your shoulders.

“Be safe, honey.” She whispers into your ear.

-

You splutter, staring at the page in front of you with a jumble of letters that don’t look like coherent words anymore.

No…it couldn’t be?

There’s no way your dad was Stu Fucking Macher.

It doesn’t feel like you expected it would, finding out who your real father is. Years and years of endless crying; wondering why and why and why.

Every moment has led up to this.

This light, breakable paper in your palms. It’s telling you all you’ve ever wanted to hear, and yet somehow it’s also the thing you need to hear the least.

There’s quick flashes of déjà vu as you stare at the name.

Blood; lots of it. Splattered on the ceiling, all over your body. Screams, loud and clear as day, piercing through your eardrums and starting a ringing sound.

You snap back into reality as Sam steps up to you.

You brace yourself for the worse, you wouldn’t be mad if Sam kicked you out bare into the street right then and there, hell, she could hurt you and you wouldn’t even be mad.

She raises her hand but the impact never comes. Instead, she kneels down to you and holds your shoulders tight.

“It’s okay. I know it’s hard.” She says, soft. Her lips are pulled into a frown but her eyes are sorrowful.

“It’s- it’s okay?” Tara splutters, staring between you and her sister. Flabbergasted would be a minuet way to describe her expression.

“Yes. It’s okay. Can everyone leave the room for a minute? I want to talk to YN.” Sam says, and everyone heeds her orders; shuffling down through the living room hallway.

You stare at Sam, eyebrows knit tight together. She’s hated you since you the day you met, and now she’s the one protecting you?

“Why?” You ask, curiosity seeping through your voice.

“Everyone here has been through something.” She says, biting her lip. “And believe me, if anyone knows about being framed as the bad guy, it’s me.”

She hesitates a little before she opens her mouth again.

“Let’s not pretend that everyone here doesn’t have immensely traumatic things happen to them. Me and Tara…well we know about that. But Mindy and Anika and Chad? You wouldn’t believe the stories I’ve heard from them.” She says, twiddling with her thumbs.

“What if I’m actually the killer?” You press, gauging Sam’s reaction.

She tuts and answers sharply.

“I don’t believe for a second that you are.”

It takes you aback, her being so sure about it. You stay quiet, try to think of anything to say.

You can’t, it’s all too much information to get.

“How can you know that?” You say finally, tilting your head up to make eye contact with Sam.

She pats your back lightly. “You’re a good person YN. We can all tell.”

“We’re a family. One fucked up family, but family all the same. Including you.” She says, voice sure.

You hold eye contact for a while, a silent conversation being spoken. Setting aside all your differences, Sam was actually a really cool person. And you can tell she feels the same way.

Before you know it she’s out down the same hallway the group left in.

You’re sat on the couch, mouth open and eyes glazed.

Huh.

“YN? Mind if I come in?” Tara’s voice sounds from in front of you. You can’t decipher what the tone is.

“Yeah…yeah of course.” You answer, watching as Tara enters and stands before you.

You can’t handle her intense stare, and you drop your head immediately. Anxiety floods you, heart picking up speed.

You don’t notice her until she’s right in front of you, taking your cheeks in her hands. Stroking, softly.

10 minutes ago she was mad, and now she’s comforting you? This girl and her mixed signals.

“I believe you.” She murmurs, leaning down to press her lips on your cheek. She’s so short that even when you’re sitting down you’re almost the same height.

You don’t want to think about any of this now, you don’t want to think about it ever. You want to tell Tara this, but you can’t bring yourself to speak.

Your throat feels dry, eyes slightly teary.

“So what do we do now?” You whisper.

She continues stroking your face fondly, cradles you in her arms.

“We continue with the plan.” She says, and there’s a sense of finality in it that makes you shiver.

-

They’ve pushed back the date on their plan to capture Ghostface a little bit. Tara won’t admit it, but you know she’s the one who suggested it. She must think you need time to process the sudden father reveal, no doubt.

It’s sweet, but she’s wrong. In fact, right now all you need is a distraction. Something to take your mind off all the racing thoughts through your head, the sense of betrayal you feel.

Maybe I should call my mom.

“Hey. Whatcha thinking bout?” A voice sounds from behind you. It’s Anika, and you send her a soft smile; feeling weirdly glad to be in her company.

“Oh nothing much. Just about how my dad was one of the original Ghostfaces and that we’re literally running straight into danger in a few days.” You say, trying to make your voice sound light and teasing.

Anika seems to pick up on the underlying message, and you hear her sigh a little before speaking.

She rounds the couch to come sit down beside you, a pack of medical supplies in her arms. She splays it across the table and turns back to face you.

“If it makes you feel any better, I know what it’s like to have a rough family. My parents were…dipshits to say the least.” She says, casually.

Oh.

You try and think of something appropriate to say in response, but your brain seizes up and it goes blank.

“But you don’t have to feel bad for me. I have a new family now.” She continues, smiling at you; genuine crinkles at the tips of her eyes. She pats your back lightly.

“Just so you know, I don’t think you’re the killer. Who cares if your dad is Ghostface? It’s not like this is the first time it’s happened in our friend group. I trust you, really.”

It’s enough to make you teary-eyed again. You look away, hoping she can’t see them.

“Thank you.” You mumble. “That means a lot to me.”

She chuckles warmly before taking you in a hug. You guys don’t say anything the rest of the time she fixes up your wound.

-

“Are you blushing?” Tara asks immediately when Anika leaves the room, footsteps light.

“What? No, I’m not.” You say, running a hand through your hair.

“Did she make you blush?” She’s asking, a teasing smile on her lips.

You frown.

“She just said some very nice things to me, okay?” You huff, cross your arms like a child.

“Aw, baby. You look adorable.” She murmurs, giving you a peck on the lips.

“Are you not jealous?” You ask, cocking an eyebrow at her.

She brings a finger to her lips and feigns thoughtfulness. Then she smiles wide and takes your lips in a searing kiss.

“No.” She mumbles against them. “Because I know you’re mine. And I can definitely make you do a lot more than blush.”

It’s enough to make you flush completely red. You let out a little whine at her words.

“See?” She’s asking as she leans back, a smirk on her lips. You try and wipe it off by wrapping your arms around her neck and pulling her in for another kiss.

She’s not wrong. But you’re not going to admit that. It’s a fatal flaw, really. How easily you relent when it comes to Tara. You’d die for her, you’d kill for her, and she knows it.

“Come on,” She’s whispering. “Let’s go to my room.”

You pull back, amused.

“I don’t think I can even stand and you’re asking me to do what?” You ask pointedly.

She tugs on your shirt, obviously not in the mood to play one of your games right now.

“Then maybe I’ll just take you right here.” She whispers into your ear, laughing as you shiver beneath her.

You gulp, stare at her with big eyes. She crawls forward, leaning her elbows into your sides on instinct.

You can’t help but wince.

It seems to break Tara out of her lustful haze, because now she’s looking at you with worried eyes.

She’s getting up kind of panicky, fiddling with her hands.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I should let you sleep.” She says, sort of fast, words tumbling out of her.

You smile at her, grip her hands tight.

“It’s okay, Tara. Although, I do want to hit the hay for a while. Care to join me?” You invite, tugging her closer slightly to make sure she doesn’t leave.

She grins shyly and nods.

“Okay.” She says, biting the inside of her cheek. She’s the cutest with the excitement that radiates off her.

-

When you wake, Tara’s not in your arms anymore. You stir, rubbing your eyes aggressively.

“Tara?” You groan, trying to look around the weirdly dim room for any sign of your girlfriend.

You notice the candles immediately, more than a dozen of them lining the table and making a little pathway to the fireplace.

Your girlfriend appears in front of you now, wearing a little white sundress; one you’d specifically bought for her weeks ago.

She looks so good, you almost start drooling. Like an angel, the way she’s standing and staring at you, playful, excited gaze.

“I was wondering when you were going to wake up.” She grins, bending down to press a kiss to your cheek.

“What is all this?” You question, looking around the room in further inspection.

There are two plates set up quite nicely on the dining table, along with a bottle of champagne and a single flower in the middle.

It’s all so, romantic.

Tara twirls, and gives you a little show of her dress. Then she takes your hand and gently helps you up, leading you to the dining room with her.

“I never got to take you on a date. I think it’s time I return the favor.” She says, nodding along to her sentence; like a reassurance.

“You’re adorable.“ You say, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. She blushes a little.

“Thank you.” She mumbles.

The smell as you enter the dining room is mouth-watering. You recognize it immediately. It’s your favorite pasta, ravioli with white wine and tomatoes.

Tara’s an amazing cook, you know this already. But the flavors that explode in your mouth when you take a bite out of it are otherworldly.

“This is the best thing you’ve ever cooked.” You speak through stuffed cheeks, eyes wide and happy.

Tara picks up a piece of her own and eats it.

“I didn’t know what to make you, so I called your mom. She said this was your favorite, so I went on youtube and tried to replicate the recipe.” She says, somewhat shyly.

You beam.

“You called my mom?” You ask, teasingly. Boop her on the nose. You celebrate internally when you see her flush red.

“Yeah, it was no biggie. Just a phone call.” She disregards, biting her bottom lip to try and stop the color that’s overtaking her whole face.

She reaches forward to grab another piece of ravioli before she stops short and gasps.

“Oh! I almost forgot to give you these.” Tara says, reaching behind her chair for something. She pulls out a huge bouquet of flowers, filled with your favorites.

You don’t try and hide the surprise in your face, mouth open and gaping.

She slaps your arm lightly at your reaction.

“Hey! I can be romantic too you know.”

You nod sarcastically.

“Oh yeah no doubt no doubt.” You say, taking the bouquet from her hands in favor of bending over the table and kissing her.

“Thank you, baby.” You say against her lips. She smiles wide, scrunching her nose as she pulls back.

“You taste like pasta!” She’s giggling, pushing you back into your chair.

You finish the dinner in record time, and that’s due entirely to how good the meal was. You and Tara sit and talk for a little while before moving to the floor to watch a movie.

Tara’s annoyingly secretive about it, not letting you see whatever she’s setting up. You huff and go grab snacks from the fridge instead.

When you get back it’s to the TV covered, and there’s a small projector at the side shining light on a random bed sheet she’s hung vertically.

“Impressive speed.” You praise.

Tara’s sitting smugly, arms open and inviting you to come sit.

It’s playing 10 Things I Hate About You, one of your all-time favorite movies. You settle down into the spot next to her and sneak a glance over, but she’s already staring at you; hard.

You let out a breath of happiness and pull her closer by the waist. Kiss her on the forehead, murmur against her skin.

“Thank you for this. I needed it.”

She nods into you and pulls you impossibly closer.

“Of course.” She says.

You decide Ghostface can wait, your dad can wait. All that matters right now is Tara. Her and this movie and you.

The only three things that exist in the world.

[theatrelove3000]

You’re On Your Own, Kid

This is the first Obi-Wan fic I have posted, let alone let someone other than two close friends read. It took me three months of no time, energy, or inspiration to finish this, but it’s finally done, and I am actually really proud of it. I am thinking about expanding this, depending on the time I have and the inspiration as it comes. Let me know if you like this and want to see more!

Sith! Obi-Wan x former padawan reader

Warnings: I suck at warnings. Uhhh, dark side, mentions of death, maybe manipulation, kissing but only a little, canon violence (dude gets an arm cut off), lightsabers, Sith! Obi. I think that is it. The reader was his padawan but they didn’t start training together until she was already an adult. The reader wears a dress but I don’t think I used pronouns?  Lmk if I missed anything else.

Summary: When your master suddenly falls into the darkness, you are left alone to be subject to the watchful, judging, mistrusting eyes of the Jedi Council. It’s one thing to lose a master, you’ve lost one before Obi. It’s something else to lose the man you love. Especially when you can still hear his whispers. 

Inspired by Taylor Swift’s You’re On Your Own, Kid! Recommend listening while reading this

Three months, two weeks, and six days.

That's how long it's been since you last saw Obi Wan. He'd go on missions that could be that long, or longer, but this time stretch was harder because you know he isn't coming back. Obi Wan is gone. He left the order. He abandoned you. 

At least, that's what you keep telling yourself.

You try to stay upset and hurt about it but it's becoming more difficult by the day. Watching your master walk away from the only home and family he ever knew was a major shock to everyone. He always preached about how the Jedi Order was good, right, and peaceful, yet suddenly, he was gone after causing quite the stir in a council meeting.

He had come back to your shared apartment and marched right over to you, grabbed you by your elbow and drew you into his chest. He was always more physically affectionate with you but this was something different. Something unsettling. He had wrapped you in a tight hug, breathing in the scent of you before dropping his head and whispering one thing in your ear. 

"My chains are broken. The force has freed me."

And then he was gone.

It was explained to you later that your master had fallen and you were to be reassigned to complete your training. You had been set to take your trials for your knighthood in a few weeks but due to Obi Wan's sudden switch to the dark side, they feared you harbored the same beliefs he revealed he had to the council. 

Your new master is… for lack of a better word, an ass. She is your third master. Your first one, who had selected you at a young age, died a few years back. Obi Wan decided to complete your training, since you were just three or four years from knighthood, already an adult. This new master is short and cold and uncaring. You had just been through a rapid and difficult transition and she held no compassion in her eyes, only wariness and dislike. She didn't trust you. 

No one did now. All the friends you had no longer speak to you because they fear you are unstable and dangerous. You never showed signs of leaning into the dark side but because Obi Wan fell, you also must be dark. His apprentice. Only Anakin still speaks to you. Occasionally, Master Yoda invites you to meditate with him as well, though you suspect he is doing so to check on your signature. Master Yoda is a kind and gentle soul but he must be wary. You understand. Sort of. 

It isn't until the heat of summer fades and cool winter winds start to blow that you start to hear him.

My darling.

Little dove.

Sweet one.

Angel.

The terms of endearment your master used to call you whisper through your mind, as though he were right behind you. You feel his presence when you're alone and see him in your dreams. You'd thought if you dreamed of him, they'd be nightmares but they aren't. They're sweet dreams. Almost memories but with slight changes.

Mornings after nightmares when you'd wake in his bed wrapped in his embrace, though he lets his hands wander more. Presses kisses to your neck and shoulders. Messing up on purpose during training so he'd have to wrap his arms around you to fix your form but he stands far closer, holding you tightly to his body. 

You knew you loved him before he left but he never showed signs of returning the feeling. It wasn't until he was gone that the signs appeared. For a while, you thought it was just your mind grieving the loss of him. That is, until he comes to you. 

~~~~~

Anakin manages to convince the council that you need to get out of the temple, take on a mission again. He's always been persuasive, though at first the council wasn't inclined to grant his request. Through many meetings and solid evidence that you're not like Obi Wan, they allow it on the condition that he keeps you in his line of sight at all times. He agrees readily and tells you to pack a bag. 

After explaining the mission, he takes you to Padme so she can help you find a dress. You're attending a gala the senate is holding in order to ease tensions, though with the way the galaxy is now it will only raise them. 

That's how you find yourself standing in a big ballroom wearing a long sleeve, floor length dress. Despite the dress still being modest compared to the other women around you, you still feel exposed. Your Jedi robes leave everything up to imagination but this dress does not. It's more form fitting and accentuates certain parts of your body in a very flattering way, while still being conservative.

"My, my. What have we here? Did you lose your way, Little dove?"

The voice makes you freeze. You spin around, looking for the owner but see no one. You shake your head, hoping to rid yourself of the panic and hope that had appeared with the voice.

"Did you stray too far from home? Do you need help finding the path?"

You know his voice better than you know your own. He's here somewhere. You can feel his eyes on you even if you can't see him.

You turn slightly, searching the crowd for Anakin. He's talking with some of the senators, Padme by his side. He's occupied.

You start walking.

Letting yourself out of the ballroom, you wander through the halls of the massive building the gala is being held in. You had seen a terrace when you first arrived and been escorted in. There it is. You open the doors and step out into the cool night air. 

You don't hear him as he follows you or as he shuts the doors to the terrace. You don't hear him take the last few strides necessary to stand behind you, closing the distance between you. The only sign that you were correct is the feeling of his hands on your hips. They're warm and strong and certain, just as they always were.

"My Little Dove." His greeting is whispered into your hair just above your ear.

"Master-"

"I am not your master any more, my darling." He interrupts you, his voice sending goosebumps down your arms. "I am simply a being you meet in your travels as a pawn in a game your side can't win. I am only a man who has missed you very dearly."

You take a deep breath, praying your voice won't shake as you respond, "you wouldn't have had to miss me if you hadn't gone."

The hum he gives in response is deep, seemingly coming from low in his chest. "It was time for me to go. I hope you can understand. Places to be and people to see, you know."

"You left me. You abandoned me like everyone else." 

He tightens his grip on your hips, fingers digging into them. "I did not abandon you. I never left you, Little Dove. I was always there, always watching. It may have been from a distance but you were never alone."

You try to control your emotions, keep your cool, "Your leaving the Order has shown me I have always been on my own. I didn't choose this life, Obi Wan. It was thrust upon me before I was at an age that I could understand it. I don't remember the sound of my mother's voice. I don't know my father's name."

"I didn't choose it either, darling. Very few of us did. To be entirely honest with you, I dreamed of leaving and yet I stayed. Do you know why, my Little Dove?" His fingers are tracing up your sides delicately, never straying into areas he has not gained permission to touch. 

Your voice cracks a bit as you respond, "Why, Obi?"

"I stayed because I needed to be around you. Your presence is my vise, your signature is, simply put, addictive to me. It was inappropriate for me to have the feelings I do for you while you trained under me so I kept them at bay as best I could." His nose grazes your temple as he speaks, the edge of his beard lightly scratching your cheekbone as he speaks, "I didn't do as good a job as I thought. Those around us began questioning our relationship. They said horrible things that I will never allow to reach your innocent ears. I could have killed anyone who ever said anything nasty about you. I still can. All you have to do is ask."

Your breathing falters, though you can't tell if it's from fear or shock or something else. If he catches it, he doesn't say a word. "I don't want that. Murder is still wrong, no matter where you stand politically."

"Ah, but don't you see, my Little Dove? I don't wish to kill for political reasons. I kill for you. Anyone who ever hurt you deserves to go."

"You're frightening me, Master," you whisper shakily. He responds by wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you back against his chest.

"I do not wish for you to fear me, my love. I only want to protect you, to keep you safe. I can continue to do that from afar as I have been these three months. Or… you could come with me." He keeps his voice low, fingers stroking your sides delicately.

"Where? Where would you take me?"

"Home, Little Dove. I will take you home."

You close your eyes, feeling your resolve beginning to crumble. Suddenly the warmth of your former master against your back is gone. You turn and he's nowhere to be seen. The only sign that you did not imagine it is the phantom feeling of his hands on you. 

"All you have to do is call for me, my Little Dove. I'll come to save you from your golden cage." 

Suddenly you hear your name being called. It takes you a moment to register that it's Anakin's voice. He sounds a little worried. You turn all the way around for the first time since stepping onto the balcony. You use the force to open the doors.

"I'm here, Ani"

His head snaps to face you at your voice and he quickly makes his way over to you, "I've been looking everywhere for you! What the hell are you doing out here?"

"It was a little stuffy in there. I just needed some air. I'm sorry if I worried you. I didn't think I'd be gone long." You let him lead you back inside. Instead of taking you back to the ballroom, he escorts you outside where Padme is waiting.

"It's fine. I'm just glad I didn't lose you. That… would not have looked good on me." He laughs a little, rubbing your shoulder comfortingly, "it's time for us to head out. We're going to be escorting the senator to her suite in the hotel and then going to our room."

"Yes, Master Skywalker," you bow slightly dramatically, tone dripping in sarcasm.

He laughs, rolls his eyes at your playfulness and shoves your shoulder as you start walking, both of you flanking Padme. 

~~~~~

And that's how it began.

You start answering him when he whispers into your mind. You didn't even see him that night but you know it was real. Even if it wasn't, you hope that you continue to hear him. You start feeling him as well. You even catch hints of his scent from time to time. Always when you need him the most.

Those moments became more and more common. The weight of arms around you in those few blissful moments between sleep and wakefulness make you think of him. He whispers encouragement as you train with your new master, even the occasional reminder to help you correct your form or a suggestion to make a motion easier for you. He's still helping to train you. Apparently your four years with him didn't make him sick of teaching you.

It's your next off-world mission that starts to cause your foundation to crumble.

Anakin had convinced Master Windu that he could take you off-world with himself and Ahsoka instead of being with your own master. It was a simple mission. Get into the separatist base, steal the information, get out. 

When is anything ever that simple?

Your cover was blown quickly and it doesn't take long to realize this was a trap. You are separated from Anakin and Ahsoka somewhere in the crossfire between your troops and the battle druids. You find yourself in an empty hallway alone, not even a clone behind you.

Looking around, you move back towards the way you came, only to realize you are more than a little lost in this base. You reach out your signature to find Anakin but are met with a different signature. Another, more familiar one.

Obi Wan.

Before you can take a moment to think it through, you're running towards it. You chase the warm, blue signature you've grown oh so attached to deeper into the base. When you reach a door that you can feel him behind, you pause. Pressing your palm flat against the cool metal, you reach out again. Reaching for him. He responds by tangling his signature with yours, but doesn't open the door. You hear a click and realize it's the lock. He unlocked the door. The door still doesn't open. He's giving you the choice. It almost makes you cry.

He is giving you the option to reach him. He isn't forcing you into anything, simply waiting to see how you decide. The Order never does that. All they do is command and demand and give expectations to meet. It's exhausting. You're tired. You miss him. 

"Obi?" You whisper to the door. As a response, you hear a small thud on the door as he presses his hand to it where yours is. You can feel the pressure of his power through the door. He whispers your name back to you.

"I'm frightened," you feel your eyes start to water, voice breaking softly, "I just want you."

"I know, my darling. It's alright if you are not ready yet. I'll wait for you. I'll wait an eternity for you." His voice is louder than yours, but not by much. You want to open the door but can't bring yourself to do it. He can feel it. You know he can. His signature brushes over yours gently again, soothing you. He was always good at that.

"I have to go, Master. I'm sorry. I need to find Anakin." 

"It's alright, Little Dove. I'll be with you. Always."

You nod and take another moment of weakness before pulling away and running the way you came. It takes you twenty minutes to find Anakin and Ahsoka again. As you reappear, Ahsoka crashes into you, hugging you tight.

"Are you okay!? Your comms weren't working. We've been calling you and sent troops to find you but we couldn't! What happened? Where did you go?"

You push Ahsoka back to look her into her eyes, holding her shoulders. "It's okay. I'm fine. I got lost in the hallways. The droids were coming from that way so I handled it. I just got confused on my way back to you. All the halls look so similar."

You try cracking a joke as you notice Anakin watching you cautiously. He knows something. Looking over, you cast what you hope is a charming smile in his direction. He nods and gives a small smile in return but still looks concerned, though you can't tell if it's for you or because of you. 

When you return to the Temple, the council convenes to be briefed on the mission. Anakin credits you with destroying a majority of the Droid squadron within the base. The council seems to be a mixture of impressed and put off by this news. You're not surprised.

You feel nothing for them anymore. They don't do anything but cause more problems for you and those around you. Most Jedi would say the most dangerous feeling to have is hatred. Some say anger. Others will tell you that hope is the worst thing to feel, especially in this war.

No. The most dangerous thing a Jedi can feel is indifference. Indifference causes one to not have loyalty to those they have been sworn to. With anger or hatred or even hope, it shows one still feels attached to something. With indifference, it is not so.

Your indifference is what Obi Wan was waiting for. 

~~~~~

The next mission you are sent on is the one that sends you over the edge. 

It's another gala you are to attend, this time undercover as a senator's aid. The moment you arrive, you reach out for Obi Wan. You search the room with your eyes and your signature, praying to the Maker that he is there.

As the evening progresses, you stop looking for him. You become distracted by doing your job, working the crowd and getting more information you've been sent to collect. Though the council has seemed to develop more trust in you over the last couple of months, they don't trust you entirely. You have another Jedi with you to keep an eye on you. You don't remember his name, and it doesn't particularly matter to you anyway. He's just a security measure to protect the Order. 

"Pardon me for interrupting, Senator Gunray. I was hoping I might ask this lovely young lady for this dance." His voice drips across your ears like bacta over a burn. Your posture relaxes as the senator you were speaking with bows out gracefully, promising to speak with you again later.

You turn and finally see the man you've dreamt of for five whole months, though if you're honest, it's been longer than that. He looks dashing in his white suit and cape. As your eyes trail up from his chest, you catch the hairs of his auburn beard lift as he smiles at you. You see that smile next, the shining and slightly arrogant one you grew used to throughout your few years of training with him.

He reserves this smile for you. The one that shows his pride but also a glimmer of praise for you. He softens whenever he sees you, even if it's isn't noticeable to anyone else. It always was to you. He was a good and kind master, but a better friend. In this smile, you see your friend. 

You raise your eyes to meet his and your breath catches. The cerulean ocean you are used to seeing is gone, replaced by molten gold, framed by dark lashes, which seem darker than they used to. Maybe it's just your imagination.

"Remember to breathe, Little Dove. I fear you will pass out if you don't."

You let out a small huff of a laugh as you smile and glance down to your feet. You see him lift his hand to under your chin, raising your eyes back to his. You can see him searching your face for something. He must find it or you are imagining it because he draws away again, offering you his arm to take.

"I believe I offered you a dance, my love. May I have one?"

"Yes, my lord." He leads you out onto the floor. A waltz starts not long after he pulls you into position. As you dance, he keeps you closer to his body than the other partners on the floor. You don't mind, letting yourself melt into his arms for the first time in several months.

Obi Wan was the one who taught you to dance. He had been trying to help you learn to make your movements smoother, more choreographed as you dueled. You kept making jagged, uncoordinated movements that caused you to lose your footing or leave an open spot for someone to strike. Obi had taken your Saber, tossed it and his own to the side, then pulled you in gently. He kept a respectable amount of space between you as he placed your hand on his shoulder and his own on your waist, holding your opposite hand. And he taught you to dance. Slowly, you got the hang of it and he moved back into the forms you were learning. You never lost to him in a duel again.

The dance sessions became almost a regular occurrence. He'd hug you when you were upset and slowly rock you, letting it turn into a silly little dance to make you smile and giggle. He'd kiss your head and twirl you just to make you squeal or blush. Those are his fondest memories of being in the order.

"I have a question for you, Darling."

"I will answer anything you ask of me, Darth Nighte," you respond without hesitation.

He grins widely and lets out a laugh. "You always have, haven't you? My good girl."

You blush slightly and look away from him to hide it. He doesn't like that. He lifts your chin again and raises an eyebrow, warning you not to look away again. 

"Did you pick this gown to get someone's attention?" He says it in a teasing tone but you know what he is asking. Is the dress for him?

The dress you selected for the gala was bought with what little you had saved over the years. You had gone out into the city on one of your rare days off to buy it. It was in the shop window and you'd asked to try it on. It was a long sleeved, dark blue dress with tiny gems to make it appear as though you were a part of the evening sky. It's a bit lower cut in the bust than you thought you'd be comfortable with but seeing the way he admires it, you know it was the right decision.

"I must confess, my lord. I fear I am no longer a good Jedi. You see, I find myself disagreeing with the rules and growing agitated trying to suppress my emotions. It feels like I'm being pulled down a different, new path. I can't stand the rule against attachments. I have found that attachments only make you stronger. Maybe that is what they are afraid of…" you trail off as you realize how much you spoke but he holds your eye contact and nods for you to continue. "I have found myself deeply attached to a lord at this very party and I had hoped he'd find the dress pleasing."

"I'm sure he does, my darling. Do I know this lord, do you think?" He knows. He always does.

You smile and glance around as though making sure no one was listening, "I think you know him very well, my lord." 

"Then I suppose I'll leave you to him." He starts to release you but you grip onto him tighter. He laughs again, a sound you truly and sorely missed.

Together, you and Obi Wan danced for several more songs. You talk occasionally but mostly bask in the comfort you bring each other. As the night dwindles on and draws to a close, you know you have a decision to make. A path to choose.

Obi Wan senses your panic and turmoil. He searches your eyes again before leading you off the dance floor to a little alcove on the side of the ballroom. He presses you back against the wall and lets his body tower over yours. 

"My angel, you do not have to do anything you don't wish to. I don't intend to steal you away and hide you from the galaxy. It is your decision. This is your life. Lead it how you wish to. No matter what you decide, I will always love and support you. Even if I must do so from afar." He leans down and presses his forehead to yours. You can feel the love in his signature. True love. Pure love. How can a feeling so pure be so bad? 

Lifting your chin slightly, you let your nose brush his and hear his quick intake of breath. He leans further into you slowly, giving you time to pull away from him. To say no.

You never will.

He lets his lips brush yours. It's gentle, simple, peaceful. He lets you decide how to proceed. Slowly, your hands move from where you had pressed them to his chest up into his hair to pull him closer. He hums in pleasure and pushes you further into the alcove. He kisses you the way you imagined he would. Gentle but dominant. Kind but leading. Persuasive. The Great Negotiator, indeed.

You pull away first, needing to breathe. He lets you go but keeps his forehead against yours. 

"Obi?" You whisper to him.

"Sweet One?" He responds.

"Am I ready now?"

"That, my dearest little dove, is not a question I can answer for you."

You nod, feeling the tears form. His hand is holding your cheek and jaw on one side. He can feel when they start to fall. He coos gently and pulls you into his chest, whispering reassurances and words of love.

"I don't want you to go again. It hurts when you go, my Obi." You mutter through the tears. Obi Wan pulls away enough to hold your face with both hands.

"I don't have to. You can come with me, Darling. I have a place for us. It's safe and quiet and peaceful. It's perfect. I made sure it's perfect for you. All you have to do is say yes. Little Dove, you can stay with me. Come with me."

His voice isn't commanding or ordering you. It's… begging. He's begging you to stay with him.

Sniffling and wiping your eyes, you look up at his eyes. They're no longer gold the way they were before. They're darker now. Green. Your breathing picks up as you kiss him again. It's a soft, quick kiss. He reciprocates, waiting for your decision.

"Home?" You ask him. He smiles against your lips and nods.

"Home." 

"Obi Wan. Take me home."

The burst of joy in his signature is more than enough to convince you that this was the right decision. He kisses you fiercely before retreating and standing up straight. A lord once again. Offering you his arm, he leads you back into the public eye.

As he escorts you through the front doors of the building and towards the hanger, you are stopped by a voice yelling your name. Your Jedi babysitter. You forgot about him. Obi Wan stiffens as he hears it as well, turning his head just enough to see the man behind you. You try to keep going but Obi Wan has stopped. Your panic is beginning to rise again. You'll never be free.

"You are to return to the Temple with me immediately, Young Padawan. This is not a debate."

"I-" 

"My apologies, Jedi, but I believe she has made her decision." Obi Wan's voice is calm but there is a hint of a threat in it. He's daring the man to oppose him.

"I'm sorry, Senator, but that will not be happening. She has been asked to return to the Temple."

"Senator? Do you hear that, my darling? Senator. The level of disrespect tossed about by the Order is truly insulting. He doesn't even know my name."

You keep your eyes on Obi, pleading with him through your signature to just take you and go. In your bones, you knew it wouldn't be this easy. If only.

Obi Wan turns and the Jedi recognizes him. His eyes, now returned to gold, are a dead giveaway. The Jedi draws his weapon and beckons you over, holding his hand out as he calls your name again. 

"This man is not who you think he is, Padawan. Come with me." He reaches for you again but you take a step back, closer to Obi Wan. 

"Maybe I'm not who you thought I was, Master. Or… I think perhaps I am." Glancing up at Obi, you see him watching you with curiosity and… hope. You haven't seen hope in so long you almost don't recognize it. 

Your Obi nods at you, just once, and takes a step back. The Jedi is gazing at the both of you with confusion and horror as you look at Obi Wan.

"I told you already, Little Dove. This is your decision. No one can make it for you." His voice calms you. There's no malice in it when he directs it at you.

"He's trying to trick you, Padawan. It's time to go now." The Jedi got close enough to grab your wrist and begin to pull you away. The moment he touches you, your lightsaber is in your hand and the Jedi is screaming. You open your eyes and see the man's arm on the ground between you. His lightsaber falls from his other hand and Obi Wan comes to pick it up. You feel your hands shaking as you watch him replace the Jedi's Saber on his belt before reaching a hand out to you. 

"Are you ready now, darling?"

You look between Obi's hand and the man's arm and then at the blood on your gown. You take Obi Wan's hand and leave the Jedi kneeling on the ground of the hanger as you're taken onto your love's ship. He sits you down and pulls off his cape, draping it over you. It's heavier than it looked. He helps to strap you into the co-pilot seat before getting into the pilot seat.

As the ship lifts off, you catch a reflection in the glass of the cockpit window. Your eyes are surrounded by a ring of gold.

You feel Obi Wan take your hand as you reach hyperspace and let him smooth his thumb over your knuckles. You glance up at his beautiful eyes and see they are the blue you missed. You realize something that nearly brings you to tears again. You've been on your own for most of your life, especially when it got hard.

You don't have to be alone anymore. You have your Obi Wan.

~~~~~

@meshlasolus @vi-does-stuff @star-whores-a-new-hoe @turtlelover59 @lowkeyorloki 

[unhappytimeleaper]

Hello, may I request Q, T, and Y with Kuro x reader? Thank you and have a wonderful day. 💟

requested by anonymous

Word Count: 3,150+

I love Kuro. It was a while ago on a chat, but I realized I kinda have a type for delinquents. Oops. This mainly doesn’t go too much into the actions that make him a yan, I do touch on it occasionally or try to slip some of it in there, but I didn’t want to get too off-topic from the letters which meant I had to leave a lot of it out. Also, I wrote half of this 7 months ago and the rest today, so I’m sorry if it’s a little disjointed.

Also, I finally gave in and watched up to part 5 of Jojo, and I have… feelings. My poor friends are being subjected to all of them,, and someone should come to save them. TLDR for those curious, but I did not care for part 3, parts 1 & 2 were decent, I love part 4, from the art style to the characters, and part 5 I adore the characters, but I’m weak to character deaths :(. Maybe with time, I’ll possibly add them to my list but no hopes. Anyway, Kuro.

Kuro Kiryu; Unedited. Gender Neutral Reader.

Warnings; yandere content, mentions of potential threats, alludes to minor manipulation, self-isolating, and simple fights. Nothing is in detail nor is there truly anything bad but as always it is yandere. 

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

This would vary on if you leave or die rather than escape as he is also one where a lot of the relationship borders on unhealthy. It mainly is because Kiryu has some self-awareness to where things run too far but gets lost in the minor details. His delinquent past might affect some of his actions, but it's not as of he's one to ever use physical harm against you to get you to obey. He tends to focus more on voicing opinions. While he rarely might force you to not interact with others [generally completely strangers rather than friends or family unless he has proof they are bad news], there is a self-imposed guilt you feel when doing so, causing you to avoid others. Unlike others who force rules, and force isolation, Kiryu doesn't make it, so there ever is something you need to escape from. This would be unlike Eichi or Shu, for example. Even being yandere, it’s likely that with Kuro, the relationship develops naturally– or at least appears that way to an extreme extent that there never was some sort of reason to fear Kiryu in the form of genuine escape.

Leaving might be the most common reason or situation the two of you might face. Various reasons; thinking you need to experience life outside of a relationship, becoming tired of the relationship, dating an idol being too stressful, realizing you and Kiryu just don't connect past a honeymoon phase, etc. There are many reasons why you might want to break up, not wholly reliant on his yandere behaviors, but regardless of what it is related to, he often will have the same reaction.

No. Okay, maybe it comes off scarier than he intends when said like that, but Kiryu means, no, we can work this out. You know he's not attempting to come off as scary. He has never been in the relationship, and more so, his fear factor comes from how he traditionally is himself. Kiryu rarely even goes out of his way to threaten others to avoid you; the way he talks and carries himself does that for him unless he can find some valid excuse that even you can’t deny being a good option. Kuro also has never had a past of lying to you when he says he didn't threaten them or did something— it really was the others who picked to act that way post their conversation– although it’s hard to say for sure if there truly was never any violence or threats under his actions. However, no reason to doubt him is still no reason to use it in a breakup. It's not to say that he isn’t aware of his fear factor and thinks of it as a benefit in these situations, but honestly, he tries extremely hard not to do anything bad. He's changed from the delinquent days anyway when he would have quickly jumped to use violence to get them to stay away from you. Really, he doesn't want to do anything to tarnish his new reputation to you, nor have his actions come back and likely affect his sister or career. Leaving him becomes a lot more difficult because while he isn't necessarily the smartest at problem-solving or convincing you to stay as others might be, he tries. He tries so hard that it's impossible to stand your ground firmly. He works to make it so you can compromise [in his favor] to stay with him. Or a break up isn't really a break up— yeah, you've agreed to label it as a break, but this only if it's clear you don't want to date anyone else. Kiryu, even in this situation, hovers around more; not quite a relationship way that you feel you need to tell him to back off, but enough that it feels you're always on the brink of appearing still together. You can blame it on ES, for such a large building; it seems everyone is always wrapped up with each other in some way, although all of it is still profoundly intentional in Kiryu’s actions to stay near. If it is the route of still dating with compromises, these can vary but rarely will it alter or break aspects of his yandere traits as most of these result from his stoic, straightforward, and scary appearance. It's more working on adding things into the relationship to keep you more excited or understanding while a honeymoon phase is over; there are still think you can do together/have in common. Just cause one stage ends doesn't mean to give up; it means working to enjoy the next phase too. So ever really leaving is quite tricky because Kiryu's directness just results in a rebuff of finding reasons to stay, even if it gets to the point staying is just easier than leaving. There even is sometimes a sinking fear that you’d be throwing away the best partner you might ever get because of his personality over this. What if there really never would be anything better? Would you have to come crawling back to him begging for another chance– it’s entirely self-inflicted, but a tiny part of your mind would have to eat away at the possibility.

If you do manage to break up unless you are leaving the country as a whole, where it is hard to avoid Kiryu even if it's clear the relationship is over. Most of his actions feel like he's trying to win you back, such as cooking your meals or asking to spend time with you while he works on a sewing project. It's often weird, but his ability to be direct can make him easily be able to pass it off as being over you. These are just him, well, being him. Even in ways other idols can verify this is just his personality, even if he is being that awkwardly kind self. Under the surface, you know it's more than that… but there is no proof, the uneasiness no one else can understand. Though it's not misplaced, Kiryu's kindness might appear as just his standard attempt to make amends for his past as a delinquent, but everything he does is his goal of making you regret ending the relationship. That maybe you'll fall back in love with him, or you'll come crawling back, calling it a mistake. It’s undeniable that even with his jealousy and misplace tendencies he’s a wonderful partner, brother, and teammate. Kiryu deep down is still a good person fighting against his past and urges– and it’s hard to find someone who would likely treat you as good. Post breakup you’d likely fall back into seeing only happy couples too, it all sinking in just like you feared that even though you have so much life left to live you just tossed aside the best person you could have been with. Perhaps all that anxiety and weird feelings you were getting was from something else– your mind making all sorts of excuses to convince you to just text him those simple words. “Let’s get back together.”

Also all of this is his way of hovering to ensure no one else can pursue or harm you. Kiryu is well aware that even if he's changed from his past, others might hold grudges, and much like how he feared that might impact his sister, he knows that if it got out you were his ex, there is always a chance they might you use against him. Or there might be jealous fans— both upset you hurt him by breaking up or upset that you had the opportunity to date him. There is no telling what might happen, and he might not directly admit these reasons to you as it could become a bigger fight, thus harming the chance of ever getting back together.

Would he move on? If you're around, no. There is always a lingering chance, and if he is around just the same, you’ll unlikely be able to meet someone new. Okay, well, if you were gone completely… maybe. Just like how Kiryu has changed from his former delinquent lifestyle, he also knows there is a point in growing and changing in other ways. Not to say his yandere tendencies heal from this, but he knows it's unfair for him to forever pine after you when you are entirely gone living away from him. It doesn't happen quickly, he locked his heart away for years after this loss, and it's easy to tell even to others he becomes even more reserved [something most won't think was possible, but you proved them wrong]. He might become more snappy with subjects and reject many other forms of care, such as friendships. But in five years… ten years… things might change, and some of that ice might melt again, allowing him to try again. However, the second you show up once again he would be ready to start anew.

Furthermore, if you were to pass away either while dating or post-break-up, where you are still around, the answer is no. Kiryu will have believed that he was lucky enough to have met his soulmate so young, and unfair it might be he doesn't deserve a third chance. His personality is the same as if you were to move away forever; colder, and that stoic nature becomes bitter and quick to tell others off. He doesn't need anyone else, not friends, not someone to love. His sister really would be the only one who would have close contact with his personal life and understand on a deeper level his feelings, usually being the voice of reason to others as to why he became the way he is now [assuming this is in the future and she is also growing up]. He'd care for a grave site weekly, and overall, it feels like a piece of him died along with you.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

There are more what feels like two layers, and it depends on the reason and reason you might be having a moment of out-lash at him.

Take, for example, isolating yourself because you’re upset with him or an action he took or an argument. In this sense, Kuro would probably think you’re being childish. This is the behavior his little sister would have if upset or pouting, not an adult in a relationship. He would likely become more closed off and stoic at the moment and find himself annoyed at the action you are taking rather than settling to deal with the problem at hand. Ironically, it’s just as contradictory that he closes himself off too and doesn’t work to resolve the problem, but if you want to act like a childish brat, why should he have to fix the case you started? Kuro isn’t really the type to make it so you’re fully locked away, unable to have any form of life, and thus resort to isolating yourself in disdain for him. If in a fight, you do resort to isolation to calm down or whatever, then it’s expected you should be able to talk for a short moment before coming to Kiryu to resolve the issue. The longer you wait to talk over the ‘tantrum’, the more frustrated Kuro will get and likely leave him in a grumpy, cold mood to you for longer, unable to express his emotions as he doesn’t want to take them out on you either. Like this, his fear factor only increases, and his hovering nature seems to double for the amount of time you hid progressively. Even if it wasn’t forced isolation or him actively trying to scare other people off, they are now wanting to avoid him and you, by extension, even more. In the end, it only seems to backfire creating a cycle of loneliness problems.

As for something like screaming or crying in a fight, Kuro gets quiet for a reason of self-reprimanding. Not that he feels too guilty over his actions but that his actions once again come back around to hurt someone he loves. Kuro is well aware that his jealousy isn’t normal, and that his actions have never been the healthy solution, but he’s trying. He so desperately wants to amend his past, to melt and burn and tear up the negative and harsh feelings of jealousy boiling in his mind and heart. That this could all be normal, you could love each other and not have to feel this way if he just had done something different. And while he’s quiet, appearing perhaps slightly disinterested or the scowl on his face making you only fear more, he does nothing. He doesn’t take a step; he doesn’t flinch his hands, it almost looks like he’s not breathing with how steady he goes, telling himself not to lash out like the delinquent side of him wants to. He’ll simply wait, running scenarios and words over and over in his head while you exhaust yourself. Honestly, he’s probably not even processing the majority of your comments, so fixated on his thoughts. And as your screams turn into whimpers and tears begin to dry along your cheeks— too exhausted to keep going, Kuro will finally make his move coming over to comfort you. He’ll wipe away the crusting tears with a personal handkerchief and wrap you in his arms slowly as you hiccup those feelings away. In the end, you don’t remember what you were even screaming and crying about; Kuro too distracted to fully reflect the cause either. The fights are usually too far and few in between, but they are draining, with nothing ever being resolved waiting for the next time it comes around.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Kuro takes a long time, at least compared to the majority of the other idols. And it stems from keeping his guard up— both because of his past haunting him and his natural exterior from being a delinquent, his personality, and his wish to change.

To start, Kuro knows his personality is… rough at least from an outsider’s perspective. He’s aware he’s intimidating, his a wall of a person, and his face doesn’t always convey the intentions in his heart. It’s no secret to anyone that even the softness he has is not easily exposed in his demeanor, nor that his ability to pick and throw grown men isn’t terrifying in itself. Even if you don’t come off as frightened by his rough exterior and bluntness to topics that come off as harsh or off-putting at times pre-relationship, there is a lingering doubt in his mind to rush into things. And this leads to the other point; Kuro wants to change. As mentioned, he’s deeply aware not only of his feeling of being over-driven to a not-so-standard degree but being a delinquent doesn’t come with an easy change. It’s not even the fights that are hard to shake off; it’s all of the mentality, the lessons, and skills that come from that life. He doesn’t want, you know, to see that person he once was. He might still be underneath everything because change is more complicated than people expect. Kuro wants the soul mate relationship he feels; he wants to be the knight, not the villain. He wants the fairy tale love from the stories and movies he watches with his little sister— more than giving in to his jealousy and unsavory thoughts. So he waits. Hoping that things can change, not progress.

And the other reason I touched on a little before. His guard has to be still and shaking when getting into a relationship is not easy. Kuro wants to relax, give in, and just let things happen. But being a delinquent means always being on guard, and his softness, while a strength can only be shown in small amounts, tries to keep himself safe. It falters around you more than others, even more as time goes on, but it takes a long time to chip away that shield. And the other guard is, like I said— Kuro knows delinquents make enemies. He has plenty, and while being a famous idol can protect him more so now others might seek revenge on his sister or you. It’s one of the key factors that both hinder and progresses his yandere tendencies because if his guard is up, you can’t love him back, and you won’t be a target. But you’re around him anyway… and it’s unlikely that delinquents care to verify a relationship’s true nature as long as it’s exploitable.

Between these contradicting factors, it takes months. This is beneficial for Kuro means everything can play out, and fall into a relationship like an average couple. One void is his tendencies fogging up the back of his mind, eating away at his heart. It genuinely starts off simple… progressing into seeing him while he sews— one of the few times he lets down his guard— and hanging out with him more and more. It turns into bringing you lunch and hands brushing over each other. It’s hard to suspect him of doing anything wrong, or thinking anything wrong. His rough exterior becomes a flustering teasing point that makes his ears burn, chin buried in his hand. And the bluntness is useful. Asking you out is direct. It’s effortless and more of a command, so you can only blush and agree when the time finally comes. Kuro doesn’t need to snap or to lure you into something. He’s one of the few that isn’t genuinely trapping you, but that doesn’t change the manipulation and fear dripping down his heart; one day, you’ll see past his facade to the delinquent locked away but never truly gone.

[seafoamey]

an accident (gen. neutral reader)

To Hajime’s credit, he never intended to form an interest in his friend’s “dearest baby sibling.” It was all an accident, really.

Oikawa (Y/n) has always had to deal with the consequences of having an overprotective, popular brother such as Oikawa Tooru. What will happen if Tooru's trusted friend happens to form feelings for the one person that is "seriously, totally off limits"?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, you better leave my sibling alone.” Tooru announces as he finally exits the practice gym, laying his bag down on the floor. Sitting down, he stretches out on the bench already occupied by his friend.

Iwaizumi startles, coming out of his sudden daze. He had been staring down the long corridor towards another clubroom. More specifically, Oikawa (Y/n)’s club room. The third year furrowed his thin eyebrows at the realization, a little ashamed. 

Hajime felt the sudden thud of Tooru’s hand on his shoulder. “I was just kidding. Noone would go for a brute like you.” He said with a mischievous grin, clearly entertained by his own comment. As if to support the point, Hajime shoved the setter’s hand off. 

“You really piss me off sometimes.” Hajime grumbles, staring at his phone to avoid Tooru’s playful taunts. Or, perhaps, to avoid the partial truth in his accusation.

To Hajime’s credit, he never intended to form an interest in his friend’s “dearest baby sibling.” The one person who was "seriously, totally off limits.” It was all an accident, really. 

---

Iwaizumi Hajime and Oikawa Tooru had been close friends since childhood. Sharing a love for volleyball, the two were often seen practicing together or watching matches. It was inevitable that the pair would get along, despite apparent clashes in their personalities.

Yes, it always irked Hajime that girls were obsessed with Tooru, simply because he was a “pretty boy.” And Hajime was aware that his rough exterior could cause problems, not to mention his tendency to resort to violence at Tooru’s jabs. But friendships could surpass these minor scuffs. 

Then came along Oikawa (Y/n). About a year younger than Tooru, the older boy always felt protective over his sibling. Whenever the subject of love arose, he always insisted that “men are players,” or that “you’re far too young to be dating.” If either Hajime or (Y/n) pointed out the hypocrisy of Tooru’s statements, he would resort to whining, childishly asking if his love wasn’t enough.

Hajime never really pushed the issue much. Oikawa (Y/n) wasn’t as popular as Tooru, and didn’t have nearly as many suitors due to the popular boy’s vocal apprehension. And when someone did come along, Tooru wasn’t afraid to start a fight with the man over seemingly minor issues. Hajime had been there before, pulling his stupid friend away before the shouting match could escalate to something physical. 

It never seemed to bother (Y/n) a lot, at least compared to the other problems that Tooru had caused. Being a charming athlete, Oikawa had many fans, including some of (Y/n)’s second year classmates. Hajime suspected that girls may become friends with (Y/n) in an attempt to get closer to Tooru, just as others had done to him. In fact, the first girl to show interest in Hajime had unashamedly asked if Tooru would go along on their date, crushing the hopeful boy’s heart. It was all a suspicion, however, until Hajime walked in on (Y/n) crying one summer day.  ---

Because of the strength and duration of their friendship, it wasn’t an unusual occurrence for Hajime to let himself into the Oikawa household. The whole family had gotten along with the young man, thinking he was a good influence on Tooru -- smart, thoughtful, responsible. Although Hajime wasn’t rude enough to come over unannounced, it was almost a daily basis that Tooru invited him over.

On that day, Tooru had instructed him to just let himself in, too hot or lazy to greet him at the door. So Hajime walked down the hallway, passing by (Y/n)’s room. Or at least he was going to, until the underclassman’s door slammed open.

Hajime startled at the sudden noise, quickly looking for the culprit. Oikawa’s younger sibling stood frozen in place, eyes red and puffy, before quickly closing the door again.

He debated whether or not to enter, if their relationship was close enough to impose like that. But his heart sank at the muffled sniffles that escaped through the door frame. Hajime cautiously knocked on the door, “(Y/n), is it okay if I come in?”.

“Yeah.” He heard the quiet reply before entering the room he had scarcely visited. The upperclassman stood over (Y/n) who sat on the bed, trying not to make the situation more awkward than it already was. (Y/n) looked up, grimacing slightly.

“It’s really stupid, I shouldn’t be crying,” (Y/n) began to explain, wiping tears away as quickly as they fell, “I invited some friends over, but they canceled our plans when I said that Tooru was busy. And before you say anything -- I know that they’re awful, that it isn’t my fault.” (Y/n) coughed a little, sounding congested. More quietly, (Y/n) added, “What’s worse is that I got mad at Tooru, as if it’s his fault. I’m an awful sibling.” 

A quiet fell across the room, as (Y/n) finished speaking and Hajime processed what he had been told. It was strange, a bit selfish, that Hajime felt relieved that someone had felt the same hurt that he had. The admiration for Tooru, but the bitterness that came with sometimes being in his shadow. 

“You know, I used to feel that way a lot, too. About Tooru. But you aren’t an awful sibling for having those kinds of thoughts when you’re upset.” He began, offering a small smile, deciding to finally sit down. “I know he jokes a lot, but Tooru adores you. And if he knew that your friends were so vile, he would probably form a committee to find you new ones. Or convince you that your ‘awesome, caring big brother’ is the only friend you need.”

(Y/n) snorted lightly at Hajime’s half-joking comment. And, to his embarrassment, Hajime felt strangely pleased that he had made Tooru’s younger sibling happy. 

“Please, no.” (Y/n) replied back in a joking manner, before looking down at the floorboards, almost shyly. 

Before Hajime could add anything else, he heard the sound of footsteps a few doors over. “He said he would be over, like, ten minutes ago,” Tooru complained loudly, “what a jerk.” Hajime and (Y/n) exchanged a knowing look. 

“I better get over there, before he starts throwing a fit. Or, well,” Hajime coughs, a little red, “before he finds me here.” He cringed at the potentially awkward explanation, or possibly more awkward assumptions that Tooru would make. He stiffly stood up and walked towards the door.

“Yeah, you better get out of here,” (Y/n) smiled, looking a little brighter than when Hajime had entered the room minutes earlier. As Hajime reached for the door handle, (Y/n) added, “Thanks, by the way. You’re really sweet.” 

Hajime paused, a little too pleased at the praise coming from his best friend’s younger sibling. Even if he thought it was a bit complimentary considering how short their conversation had been. He left the room, gently closing the door on the way out.

As soon as he entered his friend’s room, Tooru asked, “Why is your smile so dorky looking?” before getting pummeled by a pillow.  ---

Both Tooru and Hajime hear footsteps and turn to watch (Y/n) leave a group of friends in front of their clubroom. Hajime could only feel relief that (Y/n) was starting to make new friends after the summer incident. Friends that valued how special the younger Oikawa sibling was. 

The pair of boys stand up to walk with (Y/n). Hajime meets eyes with (Y/n), fighting the urge to immediately look away, pretending that the look was a coincidence. He finally decides that, despite it all, he will get closer to Oikawa (Y/n). That it may have been an accident that they got closer, but it would be intentional from now on. 

Tooru clears his throat, annoyed, “Hello? Can you stop looking at my younger sibling like you’re in love?”. Hajime looks at his friend, a little embarrassed to be called out and a little worried that Tooru might actually realize the truth in his jabs. 

“Hey, wait a second!”

[thronesforkings]

Title: Playground

Requested?: No

Genre: Angst to Fluff 

Characters: Bonten!Male!Reader x Bonten!Haitani Rindou; Haitani Ran

TW/CW: Swearing, Bonten, violence (mentions of blood), mentions of rape and abuse (Only like two lines, it will be between !!** so y’all can skip over it if wanted.)

Notes: I’m a whore for making family stuff or domestic shit (also Bonten/making big scary criminals soft). Also if I ever write siblings wrong then my excuse is I’m an only child.

Word Count: 1,239

Notes 2.0: This is kinda shit, I’m not too proud of it but I’m still posting it since I figured that someone would at least get the happy chemicals from this.

“They’re my fucking kids!” A woman hissed at (Name). The two were outside near a park and it was dark outside. (Name) had managed to get out of work early and was able to have a night with his kids, the three of them ate dinner before going to the park and (Name) was more than happy to let his kids stay up late tonight. He was having a ton of fun until his ex came out of the living complexes nearby. 

“They are not, the court took your custody away. Just because it's been two years doesn’t mean the court order is still active. You are actively breaking the restraining order and I want to do this in a calm way. So, you can leave and I won’t report this or I can call the police to come and get you.” (Name) spoke, his eyes darting back to the playground where his kids were having fun. 

Ran and Rindou were tired, staying later than normal to finish some paperwork that got shoved onto them. Ran was the one to notice the two young children seemingly unsupervised at the park. Rin was confused as he watched his brother go to the playground but soon saw the tiny humans moving around. 

“Hey kiddos, you know that it’s dangerous to be out at night. Do your parents know you are out here?” Ran asked. He was a criminal but he had some morals. 

“DAD!” A young girl called out after looking at Ran for a moment. Rin stood not too far behind the male and noticed the boy looking at him. 

“Shit. Leave now. If you stay I will call the police.” (Name) hissed and jogged over to where his kids were and stopped when he saw his co-workers.

“The short haired one is creepy. He tried to tell us that it’s bad to be out at night.” The young boy spoke and (Name) sighed. 

“Well, good job for calling me right away. As for these two, they are my friends. Actually, Ran-San, there is a woman off to the side near the residential buildings, she refuses to leave and I have a restraining order against her, could you help me with that?” (Name) asked, feeling slightly bad for asking the older male to help him with something he knew nothing about but he wanted to spend time with his kids, sue him. 

“The bitch is still here?” (Name) choked on his spit while Rin snorted, Ran grinning and the girl confused as to what caused those reactions.

“Yes, though remember the rules. You can swear but not to put down other people.” Ran smiled as he walked off. Rin got closer and the girl went up to him.

“We’ll be right with you sir, we need to cook up what our dishes are for the day!” She spoke with a smile before running off to her brother and the two mimicked working in a kitchen. 

“Kids?” Rin broke the silence between the two and (Name) nodded. 

!!**“Yeah, the woman that Ran went to go deal with is their birth mother. Before I started working with you guys I got raped at my old job, she never told me about the kids and it wasn’t until I got a phone call from the police asking if I was able to take the two kids into my care. That was two years ago, apparently she was abusing them physically and emotionally. It was a teacher at school that had reported it and so I took them in.”**!! (Name) spoke with a soft voice and Rin smiled. 

“Rika loves to cook and bake. She wants to be a baker. Yuta is the quieter of the two, he really likes maths and logic puzzles.” Rin heard (Name) speak again, changing the subject and Rin looked at the two getting along. 

“They seem nice. I think Rika claimed me.” Rin said with a smile and (Name) laughed. As if on cue, Rika came over and grabbed Rin’s hand (more so two of his fingers since her hands were small) and dragged him to the little counter in the structure. (Name) followed and sat on the ground, Rin doing the same after he was pulled by Rika. The two were given a couple pieces of the rubber that was the ground. 

“Very delicious, my compliments to the chef.” (Name) spoke after he pretended that he ate the ‘food’. Rin blushed lightly at this and fell harder in love. He was going to need to learn what these kids were into if he wanted to win them over and have permission to date their dad. 

The two played with the kids for a little bit, that was until (Name) noticed Yuta not using one of his hands. 

“Hey kiddo, I noticed that you haven’t been using your left hand. You also kept it covered during dinner. Are you hurt?” (Name) asked, the five year old nodded and lifted his sleeve up to show the bruises that covered his hand. His fingers were the most bruised and he was surprised that they weren’t broken.

“Some kids were mean to me at school. Rika helped me. They were hitting me with the hard toys and I used my hand to try and take most of the hits. My arms also hurt. It’s fine though, Rika scared them away and I just need to wait for it to get better. That’s what the teacher said.” Yuta spoke as (Name) looked at his hand carefully and sighed. 

“Why wasn’t I informed right away?” He asked, looking at Rika who shrugged. 

“Yuta said he wouldn’t bother me in the kitchen for a week if I didn’t tell you. I took care of it though, I threw a toy truck at them. They started it so I wouldn’t have been told that I started the fight. What you explained to us!” Rika said and had a toothy smile on her face. Rin bit the inside of his mouth to keep himself from smiling at the cleverness of the kid. 

“Alright, let’s call it a night then. You two have chores to do this weekend. I’ll wrap your hand up kiddo once we get home.” (Name) spoke, the two families splitting after a little bit. 

Ran came back and had blood on his knuckles and some on his face. 

“Oh, did he leave? That woman wouldn’t shut up so I taught her what happens when you don’t listen to Bonten. I’ll tell him at work. Come on, I’m tired and want to order some take out.”

---

“Is the long haired one you talk about? The one you want to kiss?” Rika asked in the morning and (Name) blushed, gripping the pan tighter as he was making pancakes for breakfast. 

“Obviously, did you see the way Dad looked at him? It’s like the guys from the show. Now we have to do what they did in the show and make them go on a date.” Yuta spoke with a grin and (Name) squeaked. 

“Hah? Did I just hear that you wanted your chores doubled today?” (Name) tried to retaliate but the two kids laughed. 

“Once we finish our chores we can watch it some more to get ideas.” Rika spoke, the two ignoring their flushed dad (who was proud of them for getting this idea and found it adorable how they wanted to help him).

[nicosraf]

Yo 🤨

Ok real talk, I’ve finished reading ABM a few days ago but a question has been lingering in my mind for a while now, and thats what drives Uriel to be so fiercely loyal to God? Just curious. I know he’s an archangel, and widely known in the scriptures, but (in the story) it seems he’s been through exactly what Lucifer had gone through, except that his innocence wasn’t viciously taken from him, but he still experienced love and had that love ripped away and forbidden from him, he still received brutal and painful punishments, much like Lucifer. So what drives him to be so loyal? My only explanation would be: fear, his fear of God. Which brings to my attention the way we sometimes refer to good christians as “God-fearing” describing them as being earnestly religious. And since God is all-powerful, there is reason to believe that if all of God’s creations should fear him, then so would angels.

You’re basically 100% right!!!! I think there’s one major difference though: God’s punishments for Lucifer only ever directly harmed Lucifer. God never went out of his way to hurt the people Lucifer was close to (you can argue he was hurting Michael through Lucifer, which he definitely was, but I won’t get into that here), especially in any physical way, and this is important! Lucifer’s isolation was a big factor in him getting pushed over the edge and lashing out at other angels (Gabriel, for example). He could barley explain what was happening to him, he was being told to just put up with it, being told that God is good even by Rosier, who even saw God hurt Lucifer.

Uriel had to watch God harm what were his friends, family, and husband, while he got off mostly unharmed. (Imagine the survivor’s guilt.) And he already knew what violence was — the angels were butchering one another for hundreds of thousands of years — he knew what was happening. The scope of God’s power was also revealed to Uriel in the sheer amount of angels that God brutalized and in the act of Uriel having to witness, and suffer through, the creation of the universe. If God created the universe, then he can end it, and if the beginning was that painful, Uriel can’t even imagine how much the ending would hurt. Uriel knows what God is actually capable of, Uriel knows God is more than willing to harm everyone if they step on his toes too much. (Lucifer doesn’t really think this — why would he? God only seems interested in hurting him and nobody else. Now, if Lucifer and Uriel had built a relationship earlier on. If Uriel had told Lucifer everything, maybe even before the punishments started, things would have turned out quite differently).

And worse — Kimah’s fate is still in God’s hands. Again, God can destroy the universe, God is still splitting the stars, splitting Kimah. Chapter 28, the Uriel chapter, begins with Uriel being worried about this.

Uriel and Lucifer both feared God after the violence he subjected them to, but Lucifer overcomes it, Uriel doesn’t. A large part of this was just the nature of their suffering. Would Lucifer have become fearless if God threatened to harm Michael? Lucifer’s (purposeful) rebellion began with self-harm and self-destruction; Lucifer hurting himself was him performing Godliness. How could Uriel perform Godliness, based off what he knows of God? Uriel already knows angels can be violent, he knows angels can hurt each other and themselves, and he can’t exactly hurt those he adores like God did to him because his closest friends, family, and lover are already gone. Yet another thing is God’s expectations for them respectively. (Lucifer is indeed better than the other angels. He’s special. He becomes full of himself. Uriel is just another angel, at the end of the day, just old and more aware of things, including his body, a discomfort that Lucifer also shared).

So, yes. It’s fear. Uriel is the most loyal, perfect Christian because he fears God more than anyone else. Lucifer is the devil because he overcame that fear.

[sheepiling]

15 Questions for 15 Mutuals

Thank you to @cantseemtohide for the tag! 🤗 

1. Are you named after anyone? 

I was adopted at 18 months and never met my biological mother after that so I have no way of knowing; my adoptive parents didn’t change my first or middle names. 

2. When was the last time you cried? 

I always cry during period week. And every time I watch Encanto. 

3. Do you have kids? 

Not yet! My husband and I do want at least one kid, though. Maybe two! Not yet, though. 

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? 

Only for friends that like sarcasm. If I don’t know someone well enough to know their sense of humor yet or I know they don’t like sarcasm then I don’t use it around them. I enjoy it but it’s situational for me. 

5. What sports do you play / have you played? 

I was in marching band in high school, and when I was little I took ballet classes, though I didn’t stay in those long enough to graduate to pointe shoes. idk if those count as sports but that’s the only physical activities I did growing up. Nowadays I just do weights and jogging. 

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people? 

Personality, vibe checks, & whether or not I wanna actually talk to them or just be polite and yeet out of there. 

7. Eye color? 

Greyish-blue! Sometimes tealish. It depends on the lighting and what I’m wearing. But usually a light turquoise blue-grey color. 

8. Scary Movies or Happy Endings? 

While I love classic horror and occult halloweeny things, I love fairy tales more, so happy endings wins! Also I dislike all the modern horror stuff that’s a bunch of gore and jump scares and violence. I prefer horror that’s 80s or older. But I love all fairy tale movies no matter when they’re made! 

9. Any special talents? 

My long-term memory is abnormally good. I can vividly remember back to kindergarten. However, my short term memory is crap. I’m always losing my phone. 😅 

10. Where were you born? 

F L O R I D A 

11. What are your hobbies? 

Playing Sims and being on Simblr (obviously) but I also like a couple MMORPGs that I play with my guild. I’m also in the choir at my Unitarian Universalist church, and I still play Flute and Bodhrán privately. I’ve been meaning to join a local drum circle but haven’t dedicated the time to that yet. 

12. Do you have any pets? 

Yes! I have 2 cats, Abigail and Tigger, and they’re mother and son! Though if we’re counting my mom’s & mi suegra’s pets as well then we have a total of 6 pets in the family. My mom has 3 cats, Little One, Midnight, and Dev (all are rescued strays ♡) and my husband’s family has a yorkie named Toby. 💕  and that puppy is mad spoiled they have baby strollers for him and take him everywhere! 😂 

13. How tall are you? 

In freedom metrics I’m 5′4″ 

14. Favorite subject in school? 

I always liked music / band the most! When you’re in marching band it consumes your entire life. The rehearsals are so long. But that’s where all my friends were so it was amazing. 💖 

15. Dream job? 

I flunked out of college twice, I’ve kind of given up on any type of careers. My husband is able to support us and I just get part time things when I’m able. Once we have kids I plan on being a stay-at-home mom, and if USA doesn’t fix the violence in schools problem we’ve been having by the time our future kiddos are ready for school I’ll probably homeschool at least the early elementary years. Though once the math gets too advanced for me to be able to teach I’ll need to look for other options ‘cuz I can’t homeschool the whole K~12. Hopefully we can get some kind of education reform by that time. 

And now to tag peeps! I’m a bit late to answer this b/c of my Mexico trip and a lot of people have done this already. Also, 15 people is A LOT for a tag game so I’m just gonna pick the most recent mutuals in my Activity log! Sorry if you already did this. If anyone else didn’t get a ping for this tag and wants to do it you can totes tag me as the person that tagged you, though! ♡ 

@helenofsimblr @sparkiekong @sassie-sims @druidberries @daydreamertrait @timberllania @sir-silly @nolongerafruit @nightlifeseries @silverspringsimmer @coliemoongaming @sims-for-semi @saps-sims @faetheegrey @talesofsimverse 

[thelovebug]

transracial adoptee escaping abusive home situation

When I was 17 years old, I was being driven home by my father. A woman was jogging passed the car and he made a comment that really stuck with me, and reminded me where I was and what my role was in life. He mentioned how she looked as dark as a nigger. It made me think of what he saw me as, although I knew this wasn’t the first instance where a comment was made about my race. Whether it be about me or about someone else. I remember hearing, “how are you black yet you can’t dance” or him wanting to call a person he was arguing with a nigger. Everyday when I enter the kitchen, I am greeted with a set piece that features blackface. The microaggressions are too much for me, I was subjected to ruthless racism and hatred throughout my entire school career by my white classmates, and they did not move a budge to help me or support me. I’ve been in poor health since I was an infant, and I am grateful for them taking care of me but using my sick moments as a “gotcha” moment or to guilt trip me over showing emotions of anger or sadness. Constantly telling me how good I have it and I should be grateful. I was threatened and subjected to physical violence as a child, which stopped once I made it clear I would not hesitate to call 911 now that I was old enough to do so. If my father is not ragefully screaming, talking down to, or calling me a communist because I don’t like what he likes or agree with everything he says. My mother is insulting me or putting me through emotional incest because the man she decided to marry doesn’t care to be that stand in anymore. She is narcissist who would rather die than apologize for letting me get sexually abused and bullied. She calls me a pig, a monster, tiring, annoying, a whiner, a drug addict. A drug addict after I confided in her about how pot relieves my joint pain and felt like she needed to know I use it in the house sometimes, because I didn’t want to lie to her even though she lies to me every other day. Just recently she added on more trauma and resentment I have towards her when she stole from my savings account and said she didn’t feel bad about it. This is supposed to be my MOTHER. 

I have taken care of her and my father when they are sick or just don’t feel like contributing to the day. When she is ill she goes to me, I take her blood, as a kid I would rub her back and feet, when she’s confused or doesn’t know what to do, she asks ME for help. When my father was in the hospital because of his own stupidity and ignorance towards his health, she felt more inclined to take care of him, a man who once referred to her as a fat bitch, right in front of me as a child than her kids. When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes when I was 12, the hospital staff taught her how figure out dosages, which eventually she would have to teach me. This did not happen, and even when I asked to be taught, she said she forgot. It wasn’t until I asked my new doctor to teach me again, that I figured it out but because of my own stubborness, I didn’t ask until I was 18. The older I got the more I felt ignored, hated, and their resentment towards me grew. They resented any thought or plea from me about wanting to know my family history or when I wanted to connect more with my culture or community, my mom even refused to let me see black friends. They make fun of my bonnet, the way I sound, talk, what I know, what I don’t know. I never got know my culture, I want to wear braids, I want to listen to black artists and gush over them, I want to love myself freely and without shame. I want to be gay, I want to have a girlfriend, I want to explore my gender. I just want to be free. I can’t stay in the same house I was touched and abused in anymore. My job isn’t giving me any shifts, and I’m still searching for one that will work around my disabilities and I can get to within a 10 mile radius. My father is the only one who can give me transportation but he is an awful driver who gets into frequent accidents, and has driven drunk on multiple occasions and gave me the rule that to work, the location has to be within 10 miles. I am at the end of the road at this point, if I can’t get a car for myself (since I’m not allowed to drive despite having a license) then I feel like I will die here. I do not have external family due to adoption, and I do not trust either sides of my parents extended family. 

I feel like the system has failed me. Because of some random lawyer or social worker, I was placed here when I was still in infancy, with a family who I feel I can personally never call my true family. Family does not subject their kids to things I have been through. I would’ve rather been aborted than born at all if this was gonna be my future. I don’t know and will never know my real mom or dad and there aren’t any ways to fix this, my original birth certificate was altered. I started this GFM so I can start again, to have a life before it’s too late. I’m only 20 and I turn 21 next month but I feel physically and mentally exhausted to the point where I feel my chest ache and can’t move. Even if you can’t donate please share my story and I want everyone to know that transracial adoption is harmful, anti-black, painful and the silence concerning it is deafening and I will never forgive the adults who decided to put me in this position before I could even speak. 

[mariacallous]

Gregory Winter, 54, was arrested in September 2022, after posting an outraged social-media comment about the Russian army’s atrocities in Bucha and Irpin. “Everything we already knew about from Afghanistan, Chechnya, and Syria has been repeated in Ukraine,” Winter wrote. “This is the end of ‘the Russian civilization.’ No one is ever going to fall for Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky. Everybody will know that this is just a cover for Aleppo, Grozny, and Bucha.” Winter is now on trial for spreading “fake news” about the Russian military. His lawyers think he has a high chance of being sent to a prison colony, but Winter, who is diabetic, doesn’t think he would survive in those conditions. To prepare for the worst, he is trying to find new homes for the nine cats he has rescued from the streets over the years. Here’s the story of Gregory Winter and his cats, as told by the independent Russian media The New Tab.

Gregory Winter is a human rights activist from Cherepovets, a city in the Vologda region of northern Russia. Formerly the head of a local branch of the NGO For Human Rights, Winter is known for his outspoken, sometimes provocative presence in the local media. He is used to the wrath of the Russian authorities, too, having been jailed in the past, and threatened with physical violence for campaigning to preserve his region’s forests from logging.

Gregory also has a passion for animal welfare. He grew up with parents who were constantly bringing home cats and dogs from the street, caring for sick animals, and trying to get them back on their feet. When he found himself living alone as an adult, Gregory started doing the same. About 20 years ago, he already had 12 cats living in his apartment. “You can’t just walk past a cat who’s been tormented by sadists and lies dying in the street,” he told The New Tab. “So the number of my animals rarely got smaller. It would only happen when a sick animal had to be euthanized.”

Winter only adopts new animals if he is sure that they won’t make it without human help. This is what happened with his cat Vasya, who had been dropped off at a dog shelter in a plastic bag. For six months, Gregory spoon-fed the emaciated cat. When Vasya got back on his feet, he unexpectedly turned into a fierce “godfather” to the rest of Winter’s gang of felines.

Another cat, named Susu, had her hind leg torn off by someone who then left her to die in the foyer of an apartment building. By some miracle, the vets managed to reattach her limb, but the traumatized cat spent three years hiding under Winter’s desk, without ever coming near him.

Susu might never have become attached to Winter if the Russian authorities didn’t arrest him and put him in jail. In 2020, he was charged with spreading misinformation about COVID-19. (The human rights organization Agora has pointed out that the new Russian law against COVID-related misinformation was frequently instrumentalized to persecute the government’s critics.) In jail, Winter was brutally beaten. Meanwhile, his friends were caring for his cats.

The cats proved to be so attached to Winter that two of them died: one before he was released, and the other not long afterwards.

In September 2022, Winter became a criminal suspect once again, this time for a social-media comment about the Russian army’s atrocities in Ukraine. After some time in custody, Winter was put under house arrest. He is certain, however, that this will only last for a couple of months — until the next court hearing, to be precise. His lawyers think his chance of getting a prison sentence very high.

Winter has no close family members in the area. His adult son lives abroad, and because he is subject to being drafted into the Russian army, Winter would never even think of asking him to come to Russia for his cats. He is also pessimistic about his own chances of surviving in prison: “I have a complicated form of diabetes,” Winter says, “and if they put me in prison, I’ll never get out. They don’t have any medications there. One way or another, I must figure out the fate of my cats.”

The cat named Susu has already been adopted by a family from Yaroslavl, but Gregory’s other cats don’t seem to interest anyone in Cherepovets. Their owner hopes that Russians from other regions might come forward to adopt them. “There are only nine cats at the moment,” he says,

and all of them are sweet, well-trained, and unfussy with food. I’m asking people who love animals to help me. My friends will bring the cats to Moscow, St. Petersburg, or to other cities in Central Russia. Some of the cats can do well in a suburban home. My cat Baldie is an excellent mouser. Vasya can be an excellent working cat, he has just the right temper for guarding a house.

If you can help with an adoption of one or more of Gregory Winter’s cats, please send a message to The New Tab on Telegram.

[ufvincent]

hello friends ( lets choose to ignore how late this is. punctuality is not one of my strong suits hahehe ) excited to be here & write ! fun facts abt me before we get started: i work fulltime & tend to knock out as soon as im home thus the lack of activity + i luv fe3h but have yet to finish a single playthru ... #badgamerthings. wiki is my best friend 4ever.  here is his portfolio page & read on to find more :^)

cue rambling & hoping it makes some semblance of sense:

second born (but heir) of the duke of vessalius (a state within gleerium), thus holds the title of ‘marquess’ (which is for the first son of a duke, but he inherited at a young age from his older brother after his death)

early childhood has him loved as the family’s baby but has since been forced to adapt to a certain loneliness as per life’s circumstances 

(the turning point being the aforementioned brother’s death @ the hands of a protester, a grief his parents basically never got over, and in turn is the start of his loneliness, worsens after his mother died a few years back)

anger @ the circumstances leads to many bad decisions, inclination towards self ruination, a lack of respect for both himself and the world at large. (violence Is the key)

father has him oblige to using an alternative outlet for his anger, reminds him of the good his mother represented (as a former star champion for his ppl & known for her warrior prowess, which she put on the backburner to build a family but continued supporting in more of a figurehead position)

pledges to follow in her footsteps and become a good soldier, thus begins his post-grad fixation with training

mostly devotes himself to his training simply bc he feels he no longer has any other purpose in life, there is no passion, its his competitive behavior & need to prove himself that enables him to work hard; moves up the ranks until recently, when a form of self sabotage (re: physical brawling) leaves him injured.  knee takes time to recover, and by then his peers have rushed ahead and begun making names for themselves within the ranks. 

re: aforementioned injury; sometimes u can see him limping around, tho he tries to mask any discomfort. while the pain is real as his injury isnt too old, it is also psychogenic (when fixated on how much hes failed, the pain flares up more)

simply existing. accepted he’s a good for nothing, but reluctant to admit he’s miserable.  pretends he can accept anything that comes his way b/c he has lost the energy to care any further. adopts an  ‘it is what it is’ philosophy to hide behind

(but is also moody, like the type to say ‘lol ok’ b/c he thinks theres no point arguing and then approach u again in 2 min like ‘ok but actually. wtf’.) 

currently on a (forced) journey of a self discovery to 1) figure out what he Can Do before 2) hes subjected to his father’s responsibilities evermore as the role of the dutiful son requires of him. currently favors charity work / going into town to see what needs to be done in order to be helpful (also b/c it keeps him out of their home)

tense r/s with father now, as he essentially hasnt been given the time of day since he became his heir & believes hes his fathers biggest disappointment. 

has no will to care for his own life, exists to date b/c he cares more for his baby sister than anything else/his own self

tl;dr he’s waiting to die

idk what else to put here im crossing fingers ive mentioned all i need to!

plot wise! 

honestly open to anything, i feel there’s more room for antagonism generally considering his family’s position but also. he is slated to be a little infuriating. 

specifically open to filling the younger sister slot since that would be fun! overprotective vincent + family trauma. what a fun time 

pseudo siblings are so imp and so fun. found family is beautiful

in a similar vein, ppl that have known him all his life (whether it means a positive or negative r/s)

he went to lotus academy until he was 18, so possibilities for meeting there! 

or someone he met during/closely trained with during the last 4 years before injury, comrades haha... heart_emoji (open possibilities, with re: training = moving around a lot so ability to meet more ppl (& with or w/o the pretense of his title))

or during his random escapades into town where he can typically get away w/o being noticed. he adopts a new name each time - u know him as like.... nick.,....... subin, ...... bobby.

besties keep u sane. vincent will be the exception 2 the rule (befriend him. its fun!)

i am the worst at jotting down plots but genuinely open to anything, lmk if smth comes to mind and we will make it work!

if u got this far. my liege ... i applaud u  (bowing_person_emoji)

[jalousie-gd4]

week 2 update: "jalousie" research expanded into jealousy beyond the window (january 16, 2024)

[continuing on from my expanded thought on diving further into jealousy - more research and notes]

definition of jealousy: {merriam-webster} a jealous disposition, attitude, feeling --or-- zealous vengeance.

I wanted to find out what are most people jealous of, and found a forum on {quora}:

examples including:

wealth/economic wellbeing: not living paycheck to paycheck, driving luxury cars, being debt-free, can afford travel expenses

intelligence: able to grasp concepts/information quickly or have vast knowledge on a subject

social skills: people who are able to get anyone to like them, get members of the opposite sex interested/attracted, or have friends everywhere

happiness: people who are always happy, finding their purpose and enjoying life, bounce back and overcome failures and depression, overall good mental health

careers: having a top/high paying job in a recognized/respected career field (finance, business, health and medicine, engineering and tech, etc) or a job that leads to fame and success (actor, musician, professional athlete, model, etc)

health: people hardly/never effected by disease, never need to pay for devices like glasses and braces, speech therapy

looks: people with high metabolism that can eat whatever and still maintain a good figure, having clear skin, adhering to society's beauty standards

accomplishments: people who who have made a name for themselves in their chosen careers, making a notable impact on the world, winning awards (nobel prize, olympic medal, grand slams, oscars, etc)

reputation: people who have not done anything wrong, be a law abiding citizen, no criminal record, trustworthy, legend in sport or career, giving back to those in need, selflessness

talents: gifted musically, in art, in sport, in academics, in what they do, speaking multiple languages (polyglot)

next i wanted to tackle: what is jealousy? types of jealousy? how to spot feelings of jealousy? {verywellmind}

jealousy is a perceived threat to an interpersonal relationship

- accompanied by resentment, anger, hostility, inadequacy, bitterness that ranges in intensity - if severe, irrational jealousy can lead to distrust, paranoia, abuse, or physical violence

characteristics of jealousy - how it can manifest in relationships

- acting obsessive, criticizing, fault finding, blaming, feeling distrust, being overprotective or suspicious, experiencing a quick temper, verbally abusing

health complications of jealousy

- stomach aches, headaches, chest pain, high blood pressure, palpitation in extreme anxiety, weight gain or loss, insomnia or sleep disturbance, poor appetite, weakened immunity

jealousy and mental health

- anxiety disorders, attachment issues, borderline personality disorder, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), paranoia, psychosis, schizophrenia

the six types of jealousy:

rational jealousy: when there is genuine, reasonable doubt, especially when you love a partner and fear losing them, rational jealousy can appear.

family jealousy: occurs between family, such as siblings. when a baby is born, a sibling may feel jealous as the attention of the parents shifts to the new baby.

pathological jealousy: irrational type of jealousy. unhealthy feelings may result from an underlying health disorder with signs including extreme insecurity and a desire to control or manipulate.

sexual jealousy: fear that a partner has been unfaithful and engaged in physical infidelity; you may become suspicious.

romantic jealousy: can result from a real or imagined threat to a romantic relationship, resulting in jealous thoughts or reactions.

power jealousy: stems from personal insecurity. jealous of someone who has what you want. when a coworker receives a promotion or reward that you wish to receive, you may become jealous.

looking into three prime reasons why people get jealous {psychology-today}:

1. insecurity: the most common source of jealousy

- inferiority complex - not a clinical term but an underlying impoverished ego or low self esteem - not absolute in men and women

2. obsessive thinking

- thinking style, tendency to overthink and obsess about things inevitably - for obsessive types the hardest thing to manage is uncertainty, can't tolerate the unknown

3. paranoid personality

- men and women with mild or moderate paranoia have great difficulty trusting others and often tend to ponder malicious intent to others' motives - have a personality type that leads them to feel victimized and persecuted, feeling like people are out to get them; sabotage them, their goals, their career. - perceive others have put them down, rejected them, or patronized them even when people tell them otherwise - blaming others, assigning blame to others as opposed to reflecting snd taking accountability of their own flaws or mistakes - get jealous and grasp to a strong belief and no amount of evidence could convince them otherwise

reality

- pattern of jealousy leads to a label/reputation as a jealous person - instincts signaling you can't trust someone could label you the "jealous type"

causes of jealousy {verywellmind}:

insecure or poor self-image, fear abandonment or betrayal, intense possessiveness or desire for control, misguided sense of ownership over a partner, unrealistic relationship expectations, reliving a hurtful experience of abandonment in the past, worrying about losing someone or something important

treatment for jealousy and ways to cope {verywellmind}:

psychotherapy or medication to treat

confront your fears, address you expectations, practice gratitude, be open and honest, and practice mindfulness as ways to cope

pics of written notes to be converted to this post:

[treadmilltreats]

October is Domestic Violence Month

This is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Most of you who follow me know my story, as it is the reason I write this blog. It is to inspire others who were in the same situation I was trapped in for so many years.

I am brutally honest about my life because I want you to know life is not going to be perfect, that all your problems will not magically disappear when you finally decide to leave your situation.

Whether you're in a verbally or physically abusive relationship, I am here to tell you there is hope. You can leave, you will find peace and joy, and you will eventually find your self-worth and I swear to you... you will wish you would have left years before.

I know what you are going through, I know you're afraid. He's taken care of all the bills, you're dependent on him, you have kids, how are you going to do this all on your own?

Or you're like me, you come from a poor background, and now you're living this big life, big vacations, toys, designer clothes, fancy cars..how can you go back to being poor?

You doubt everything about yourself. You believe his cruel words that he says to you every day... you're stupid, you're worthless, and you'll never make it without him.

You walk around on eggshells. You think about every word you say before you say it so that you don't "set" him off. You can't have friends, and he makes you cut off family that might put something in your ear.

He criticizes everything about you that he said he first fell in love with.

Your weight, your cooking, your cleaning, even your mothering skills. You can do nothing right in his eyes and no matter how you try to become "perfect" for him again, you will never achieve it, because there will always be something else he will complain about.

It's a facade of a perfect family. Everyone envies you. What a great guy you have. Look at your perfect life.

Yet every night you cry yourself to sleep, every morning you cry because you have woken up and have to endure another day with this person.

You are living in hell. You hate your life. You don't even know who you are anymore when you look in the mirror. You wonder where that beautiful, smart, independent woman you once were went, and why were you left with just a shell of her? How did this happen?

Yes, I know your struggles, I feel your pain. I've cried your tears....I've been you.

The only difference between me and you is that I speak about it to the world. I chose to bear my soul to let others know it can change. You just need to step out of your fear. You need to find yourself worth, you need to know it won't be easy but it will be worth it.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, like waking up smiling every morning and being truly grateful for being free, so much so that it brings you to tears. That when you come home at night, there is peace in your home, and you can feel the joy, literally.

To know you've done this on your own, you did all he said you couldn't achieve. You are not just surviving. You're living a life that no money could ever buy, and that, my friends, is a priceless feeling.

So today my friends remember... I know your pain, I've walked in your shoes and I am here to tell you, you can do this, I believe in you.

There is nothing you can not change if you set your mind to it. You got this, reach out, find a group, go to your clergy, find a therapist, speak to friends. Make a plan, stop letting fear and him control YOUR life, you got this.

There is an amazing life out there waiting for you. It's more amazing than you could even dream, and it's just waiting for you to be the change you want to see

@TreadmillTreats"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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***Now available***

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[cutest-bunny-writings]

hi, i just wanted to say that i’ve been following you for some time and really appreciate the work you’ve put in being inclusive in your writing. you’ve also opened me up to seeing the lived experiences of others. so i hope that i can impart some knowledge to you.

i was very disturbed by the fact that you’d want to bring your poc partner around your racist family as a “got you” moment.

that's honestly very insidious. poc are not pets nor pawns in your ploy to distance yourself from your family and their racism. why would you want to bring them there just so they can feel the disdain of someone not liking them for something they cant change?

it also brings in the question of do you actually love them if you’re willing to subject them to emotional and potential physical harm?

you find it funny to do that? you want to be able to snicker at the looks on your family's faces when right beside you your partner may be looking at you and your family as one in the same?

the question is why would you even be fooling with them if you know they are racist? if you’re really serious about your partner you would make peace with the fact that you may have to cut your family off entirely. never see them again until they do the very real work to become anti-racist. what next you gonna have mixed kids and bring them around those people too?

no self-respecting poc would let you do that to them and in turn their children. the fact that you don't see racism as violence no matter the form it takes is concerning.

it doesn't matter if your family’s racism is explicit or not, that's violence. their ideologies is what makes the status quo complacent in keeping racist systems. your grandma may not say outright she hates us but she shows it in the way she votes or the way she talks about us to her friends behind closed doors which only reaffirms their racism. that spreading hate.

so if you’re not going to do the work to make them anti-racist and instead let them hold those ideologies and determine how society should see us, the least you can do is make sure your partner never actually steps face to face with them. harm reduction is key, especially a choice as easily doable as that. systems take time to dismantle but that individual act is helpful too.

nobody should ever be put in that situation. i'm very disappointed as a reader. and i can’t imagine how the people you call friends on here who are poc happen to feel when you’ve been actively creating community with them. are you gonna use them next to say you can’t be racist?

whether a joke or not, your mindset has had very real ramifications for people's lives. people have lost their lives.

it looks like you still have some anti-racism work to do because this is a very elementary concept to understand. this is so confusing, especially after reading your work unless i’m missing something? maybe you understand those marginalizations better because you live them or had more exposure? but this hurt. i’d be weary to date or even marry someone like you as a poc. you don’t seem to have us in your best interest and need us to serve some ego boost. that's not allyship.

you’re not better than your family, if you continue like this. you’re worse because at least they stand ten toes down about their bigotry but you’re hiding behind yours in this weird facade of progressivism. this isn't progressive or leftist thinking. this is liberalism at its core. what liberation is being made here? besides this weak attempt to liberate yourself from being lumped in as racist? because again it doesn't seem you look to liberate your partner if you're planning to bring them towards danger.

hell the goal is to not be better by rubbing it in your family’s face. it’d break my heart to know my love was being used to anger someone. to anger someone who is not even in the relationship. thats already unhealthy.

the goal it to be better for yourself and the person you claim to want to love.

please don't let this happen again. and don’t run from addressing this or even trying to make excuses for why you thought it was okay to say this.

i’m just really disappointed now. like you think people understand but i guess they don’t. i’m learning to not expect much from white allies anymore. but i try to hold hope. i don’t wanna believe you’re the type to block me and never address this. that you’re okay with not digging through some uncomfortable truths. i’ve never written this much for someone. i care too much. please.

i want to see you grow into the person who’s consistent in the ideologies you claim to uphold. i really enjoy your work as an autistic and poc reader. i want to believe i’m still welcome here.

thank you for listening to me, if you did💖

Dear Anon,

I took down the post, which was originally supposed to be a light-hearted joke and I'm sorry.

I'm not trying to use anyone as a pet or pawn. I live in an area where the white men scream the n-word and call people Jewish as insults (there's other slurs that I don't know how to abbreviate), so I would never want to do that.

As racist as my grandparents are, they would never attempt physical harm, but that doesn't excuse their racism and I can tell you they aren't willing to change because I've tried. (I can explain if you want.)

I also don't want kids in general, but I see your point. If I did have kids, they wouldn't know those grandparents existed because they don't need those backhanded comments about being "too dark" and their hair being "wrong."

I'm also sorry you're disappointed, and I'm not going to use my friends to say I'm not racist because that's not how friends work. Just because you say you're friends with a POC doesn't make you not racist.

I'm not trying to use anyone as an ego boost either because that would be really weird.

I'm also not trying to hide behind a facade of progressivism. I genuinely want to exist at peace with everyone and would ideally like to prove it to small minds (a.k.a. my grandparents).

As for the uncomfortable truths, I know they're there and I do see them; ignoring them is not helpful and only creates more issues.

You are still welcome here.

I am genuinely sorry, please let me know if I forgot to address something.��

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Purple again. Unsure what I'm looking for. Suicide mention.

So a few days ago I got offered the closest I'm going to get to help right now, which was talking with a friend of my mother in law's who is a professional psychologist. I'd already met this person a couple times, so she'd have been close enough to not feel like a total stranger but not close enough to be biased in my favor or anything, so I was honestly, seriously thinking of trying it. Starting out small obviously to make sure she'd be confidential like she promised, but still I was really considering it. Better than waiting at least six months to see the exact same therapist my wife does which I'm sure is some can of worms.

And then a bunch of negative things happened with my wife over a couple days and I ended up having a breakdown in which I opened up about the suicidal thoughts I've been having. She absolutely lost it, down to trying to force me to be admitted. I managed to talk her out of that but it was terrifying, and I was still stressed and crying a lot through the next few hours. I don't remember how we got on the subject but she got mad at me for not talking to this family friend yet, to which I said I wanted to but I was scared since I didn't know if I could avoid talking about the ways my wife has been abusive to me through the years, since while that's far from my only trauma it's a recent and painful one that definitely contributes to why I'm not doing well.

She...got pretty mad about that, and said that I wouldn't be able to talk about it from a non biased point of view and that I'd just try to make myself look like a victim and that I just needed to stop being delusional and thinking of myself as the victim in events in my life.

That...well it fucked me up pretty badly. Originally, she'd encouraged me to get therapy to finally work through some childhood trauma, especially csa, but also some neglect and bits of physical violence. I'd finally opened up to her about it just under a year ago, mostly because I needed someone to tell me if they thought my memories were real or I'd just made them up to seem like a victim and get pity. Even after she said she believed me, I was still terrified that one day she'd decide I'd made it up to seem like a victim. I mean, she's dismissed my responses to her physically hurting me or sexually assaulting me before so it wouldn't be surprising if she dismissed this too. And while she never fully said that in regards to my childhood, she did say that was how I saw our relationship (she's never fully just said all of it was my fault, but has definitely implied it a lot) and also went on about how I actually had a really good life with everything handed to me. It just...really hurt. I'd told her the worst things that have happened in my life, told her about growing up largely ignored and with a mom who's hoarding was so bad I basically lived in a dumpster. I'd only recently started to accept how crap things have been most of my life, how much that messed me up mentally and that I needed help, and then she had to tell me everything was good actually, and on top of that I just wasn't grateful for the amazing life I've had and I deserved absolutely nothing.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I want to leave her but I can't. She barely knows how to do...anything required for an adult to function and refuses to go back to work and says she'll die if I leave, but I want to leave so badly. Even with her trying to change over the past few months there have still been some pretty bad times, and I'm always either on edge or dissociated around her, but I know I can't leave now. But now, after what she said, even though all I really wanted from therapy was learning to deal with stress better and not make people angry all the time, I can't even reach out for help. I hate it. She said she didn't mean it and got all sad when I tried to bring it up, but it's stuck regardless. She knew I was afraid of hearing all those things. Even without her saying them I've had panic attacks about that fear. It had finally been starting to abate some and then she had to say all my fears out loud, all at once. Who am I kidding she's probably right and I should just accept that. It all either didn't happen or it was all my fault or both I don't know

I don't know where I was going with this, really, but I just hate that it seems like I officially have to get better on my own and I don't know if I can do that. I'm sorry.

Hey Purple,

I'm so sorry to hear about what's been going on recently. Please know that you don't deserve to be talked to that way, and I can imagine how hurt that must make you, having already shared such tender details with her.

It's great that you potentially have an opportunity to be seen by a professional psychologist, and it's definitely better than nothing at all. However, something I learned in counseling class is that a psychologist and a therapist are two different people. A psychologist is typically someone who diagnoses clients or conducts research, rather than providing therapy. So do consider that this person may not actually be a therapist in any capacity. They may be a professional psychologist, but they may not be a LMHC.

That aside, I wish your wife were more understanding of the factors that can complicate seeking professional help. It sounds like she puts multiple layers of unrealistic expectations on you, ignoring what you've been through and how it shapes who you are today. It's incredibly dismissive of her to accuse you of trying to look like a victim as if you aren't, and I can understand how this comment must've deeply hurt you.

It can be really hard to know how to feel about someone who has harmed us in the ways you've described, especially when it's someone we're extremely close to or are even legally bonded to. It sounds like she is manipulative in many ways and puts unrealistic pressure on you to stay, insisting that she would die if you left. It can be hard to internalize but please consider that your wife's decisions for herself are her responsibility only. It would not be your fault for respecting your boundaries and yourself by leaving, even if she chooses to make matters worse for herself because of it. You don't deserve to be guilt tripped into a relationship that has caused you immense pain. You also don't deserve to feel trapped in a relationship with someone who refuses to take accountability for insulting, hurting, and assaulting you.

Therapy and healing is ultimately something to be done to yourself, but not alone. You deserve to be surrounded by people who can support you in your healing journey, and I hope that we can be an example of that.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[nataliesnews]

zomba, othello, demo at Nofim, and some funny cartoons   9.5.2023

zomba, othello, demo at Nofim, and some funny cartoonds

s

So what else have I been doing besides politics? I went on Saturday to Cinematheque to see the London theatre which we watch as it takes place on the stage in England. Not one of my favourite plays but this was so good. Iago so amazingly clever and evil. And on quote:Othello.."..An honourable murderer....for nought I did in hate but all in honour,,,take it out of  context but it describes how women in the Arab community are killed for the honour of their men "

I went downstairs to exercise and found that they were doing Zomba. I never tried it because I thought it was everyone just doing his own thing and my balance is not so good. But I was persuaded to stay and am glad I did so. Now that the summer is coming and I can do less walking and try not to go out in the heat of the day I need exercise and also to keep myself occupied.

At the Saturday demonstration we were joined by a couple with a dog and she reminded me that during the Corona period, my friend Dori, from Ra'anana had asked her to come and speak to me from the pavement. So now we met in the open air for the first time. I try not to think of that period. It has definitely had an effect on me as I find that sometimes if I am too much in the flat I get that feeling of panic again.But as I have friends who are still suffering physically from the Corona that is not so bad.

Something  so nice. A woman wrote to me on whatsapp and I am now thinking where she got my name from.....said that she was one of those in Jerusalem who are active in the various protest movements in Jerusalem. She asked me to phone her and asked if we would be prepared for couples with young children to join us here at Nofim at our demonstrations as otherwise the demonstrations at the president's office start very late. Public transport only starts running past eight because of Shabbat and the summer clock. Prepared????

I told her we would jump at it.

At the Schechter class today for the lecture on the ages I heard two of the women speaking of a Shabbat conversation. The two subjects were is a croissant considered bread for ending a meal with the blessing. . Which sent me to Google and now I am completely confused.....according to Google there does not have to  be bread on the table to do so. But they were discussing if a croissant is considered bread. And then if one is allowed to remove the vegetables from a soup....I understood that you could do so if you have a certain type of spoon on Shabbat. With all honour to people's religious beliefs but when do they get time to think of anything else. On the other hand they are women steeped in Jewish learning.

Anyhow before you go on to the darker side of my letter

And this which I really love. Thank you Tamar

I am listening to the first chapter of Follett's " The winter of the world ". It is hard listening to it. About the brownshirts of Hitler and the whole chapter is so similar to the rise of Ben Gvir  that it is frightening and sickening. Not that we have got that far yet but it could well be. The violence today in Israel is terrifying and it is  not only a case of there being more media. Twice lately ...and who knows what has not been reported.....Arabs were beaten up only for speaking Police arrested two suspects, are expected to bring in more from Mount Meron assault; The  victim: 'I shouted to them that I'm Druze, hoping they might stop beating me, but they didn't'; And by the way this Druze has served in the army which most of the visitors to this shrine have not done so. And the case in Tel Aviv where a group of about 15 young men attacked, punched and knifed a young man whom they heard speaking Arabic. I cannot but compare what I am listening to with thi. And it also reminds one of pogroms. And there is not a weekin the Arab communities that they do no kill one of their own. Either criminals settling stores or families with vengeance in their hearts. I am convinced that the reason is that there are more and more guns flying around.

Years ago there was a terrible case in Israel .....4 boys of Kibbutz Shomrat raped a 14 year old girl for days.  Four days in which 11 boys raped a 14-year-old girl.

Only four of them were tried, Arik Chazon, Nadav Biton, Ofir Barry, and Tzafir Tsavison.

They received a ridiculous sentence of 15 months in prison.

And today, 35 years after Ofir Barry is the owner of a successful real estate company, Eric Chazon is the owner of a pest control company. Nadav Biton left the country and Zafir Tsavison still lives in Kibbutz Shomrat. All are married, all are parents and raise children and live their lives to the fullest. Yael Grimberg, after an exhausting life, after a life in poverty and with countless suicide attempts and mental problems, was found dead today at the age of 49. I wonder if their neighbours  or people  they work with know what these men did . And the fact that one of them still lives on the kibbutz says it all.  Unfortunately Israel has not progressed very far in their treatment of rape victims.  As far as I can remember she and her family were not long time members of the kibbutz and that was why the kibbutz turned their back on her. I phoned the kibbutz today and told them that even today when people mention Shomrat that is one of the first things they think of.  Last night they tried to interview the four men and not one of them said that he was ashamed of what they had done. There were actually 11 rapists but for some reason none of them were brought to trial.

"Israel's far-right government is set to back a bill on Sunday That would launch a pilot program building energy storage plants to provide the ultra-Orthodox population with electricity that wasn’t generated during Shabbat." Have  you any idea how much that will cost us? But more than that is how much further they are going back into the Dark Ages and I don't mean that as a clever pun. Those of us who worked all our lives are more and more having to support these parasites. I am also very worried about what is happening in Jerusalem and more and more in Kiryat Hayovel which is being taken over by the ultra-orthodox. And if I sound anti-Semitic I am because these are not people who are tolerant of anything but their own way of life. Already one of the community centres which used to hold lectures on Shabbat can no longer do so.

He is not a suspect. If you look at this article and video  video you will see the shooter standing while the Palestinian runs away and  simply shooting him in the back...the Israeli was drunk and also had his driving license suspended. Ben Gvir calls for a relaxing of gun laws. Can you believe it? There is so much violence today in Israeli society. There have been two cases of Arabs being beaten up just for being Arabs. The one case dafke at the celebraionts of Miroin

At funeral, thousands hail Arab teen shot dead in road clash as a ‘martyr’

Suspect Dennis Mokin, 32, appears in court as relatives of Diar Umari shout 'murderer'; victim's father and Arab MKs blame Minister Ben Gvir for encouraging civilians to carry guns

https://www.timesofisrael.com/to-cries-of-murderer-man-accused-of-killing-driver-in-road-clash-appears-in-court/

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