#my gf has been taking care of me but she has work tomorrow

[shimp-heaven]

🏥

[hoshigray]

hi! i’m not quite sure if you’re comfortable with this but could you do toji taking care of his bratty gf that’s on their period? no pressure especially if you’re not comfortable! thank you so much! <33

Oh, dw anon, I'm totally comfortable writing this kind of stuff, but thanks for checking with me tho c: Didn't know what approach to go with this, but felt like fluff would be the best fit (since ik not everyone's into period sex; perhaps an idea I can go back on later *shrugs*). Please enjoy, and I hope you like this! ♡ Also, this is 3 for 3 on the request streak, holy shit haha! Cw: Toji x fem!reader - fluff - Toji trying to be a good bf and lowkey domestic - the reader is a lil whiny, but Toji still loves you - tummy massages!! - some light-hearted comedy; reader trying to annoy Toji lol - pet names (baby, sweetie, princess) - just you and Toji being a couple :3 Wc: 1.1k

"Toji?"

The man hums but doesn't turn to you, watching the television from the floor while you lay on the couch.

You try again. "Tojiiiiii~"

He rolls his eyes at your sing-song attitude, finally turning to your face. "Yeah, baby?"

"Would you please add more water to the kettle for me? My water bottle's getting cold, and my feet hurt."

With a huff, he gets up and walks to the kitchen. "Sure thing, sweetie." You hum into your couch pillow while wiggling on the water bag you're lying on, taking in whatever's left of the lukewarm storage bottle.

Today has been quite a busy day on your end. Amid two midterms, a group project, and a paper due at 11:45 p.m. tomorrow, you still have work to do today. And to top it all off, your period started two days ago, meaning you're suffering as of now. Not only is stress from college drowning you, but your body makes the pressure tenfold more painful to the point of wanting to shut down.

This is why you've spent your Friday afternoon cooped in your apartment and avoided talking with or seeing anyone, trying to focus on your work while dealing with your personal predicament. Especially texting your boyfriend, Toji, that you won't be able to see him for dinner at his favorite ramen place.

Nevertheless, the older man comes knocking on your door with a bag full of your favorites from the restaurant, saying he'll just spend the night with you at your place and help with whatever you need. Though you tried to decline his offer, his company has been very comforting.

However, since he came here with sincere intentions, you want to test his patience. With a cheeky smile pulling your lips, you start your act.

You hear Toji press the button to heat the water up, his heavy steps prominent of his return to you in the living space. He plops back down on his place on the floor, leaning against the couch you're lying on and putting his attention back on the TV.

Well, he tries to.

"Tojiiii~," You see the rise and fall of his shoulder sync with the heavy exhale escaping through his nose. Giggles are stifled, but your smile is wide when he looks back at you with one brow scrunched down.

A stern "What?" is thrown in your direction.

A tiny giggle slips out. "Can you please massage my tummy?"

He looks dead at your face before he scoffs. "Do I look like your personal maid or somethin'?"

"No, you're my wonderful, handsome, and caring boyfriend," You bring a foot up to tap his shoulder, to which Toji grumbles. To his dismay, you continue to tease him with your poking. "As a caring boyfriend, you should attend to your lady when she is in insufferable pain."

"Poke me with your toes again, and I'll chew 'em off." Okay, that's when you stop pestering the older man, holding in your laughter as he scowls with a devilish smirk. Another huff of air exits his lungs before he gets up from his spot once again, and you reposition yourself for him to sit on the couch facing you. He places the water bottle on the floor. "You got your own hands, doncha?"

"Of course, but I asked for your hands." He glares at you though you pay it no mind, lifting your shirt to pat your stomach. "Now, massage me!"

Toji shakes his head yet lifts his hands and places them on your exposed abdomen, calloused and scarred fingers squeezing your plush skin. "So annoyin', ya fuckin' brat." You blow a raspberry. "I shoulda stayed at the ramen joint."

"Pfft, please, you know you don't go there alone anymore. Might've gotten bored and brought yourself here regardless." You close your eyes and sink into the feeling of the man's fingers rubbing your stomach.

He only replies with a small 'hmph' and continues with the task thrown onto him.

This continues for a few moments, and you enjoy the man's hands roaming your belly. His palms and fingers' rough yet gentle manner makes you feel like the cramps are no longer a problem. It feels so pleasant. Curious, you open an eye to stare at the man before you.

The look on Toji's face displays nothing but pure focus, looking at his work as he massages you. Raven bangs cast shade from the ceiling lights. The man had soft emerald eyes, yet keen as they zero in on your physique as he skilfully kneads your abdomen with his digits. His lips are kept in a neutral line, and you can't help but look at his scar when he licks his teeth.

The more you examine him, the more you realize just how lucky you are to see this side of him. And maybe how lucky you are to have such a man deal with you even during times like this.

"Whatcha lookin' at me for, princess?"

Toji's gruff voice snaps you back, realizing he caught you surveying him. A grin dashed on his face. You decide to toy with him one more time. "Oh, Tojiiiii."

The smirk immediately disappears, replaced with a look that screams mild annoyance. You let out a burst of laughter, rocking your head back and forth and laughing harder every time you peer back at his face. "Fucking what now, ya damn brat?" He doesn't try to hide the irritation in his voice, and you can feel him glare holes into you while you laugh into your hands.

You calm yourself down, speaking in chuckles. "You know I love you, right?

"Shut the hell up." Not a single change to his face.

"No, I—pfffthaha," giggles escape your lips as you try to center yourself to speak appropriately, placing your hands on his big ones that rest atop your tummy. "I mean it, I really do! I appreciate you coming here and dealing with me and my whiny ass. If you hadn't been here, I'd probably be rotting in my bed right about now. I love you, so thank you for watching out for me."

Toji's face slowly molds away from his peeved expression, now relaxed and exhibitng a look of slight astonishment. You can make out a tiny shade of pink under his eyes and earlobes, yet you choose not to point it out to showcase your seriousness with a loving smile. He scoffs, shakes his head, and leans close to your face.

"You're somethin' else, ya know that, kid?" He flicks your forehead, resulting in you groaning from the diminutive mistreatment. But he quickly places a kiss when you're done squirming from the pain. "I love ya too, baby. Always."

You beam at him. "Even when I'm whiny?"

Finally, he laughs. "Yeah, even when yr' whiny. My whiny, annoyin', cute-ass princess."

"I said whiny, not annoying."

"Whatever." The two of you exchange laughs and kisses on the couch, completely disregarding your assignments and the kettle ready with hot water. It doesn't matter nor compare with the adoration you experience from him right now, so you indulge yourself for as long as you can.

[cevansbaby-dove]

Hi love! 💙

I have a little request/idea for you, for our favorite man - the one and only Chris Evans! I'll send you a little inspiration photo as well 👀

I imagine Chris and Reader being together (bf/gf, engaged or married, whichever you prefer) when they find out Chris has been named Sexiest Man Alive. How do you think they would celebrate it? Fluff or smut is up to you, whichever you're most comfortable with 💙

Being married to the sexiest man alive.

Pairing:Husband!Chris Evans And Wife!Reader.

Warnings: Nothing this time just some fluff hehe.

You woke up to chris's phone buzzing. You reach over and lightly rub his arm. "bubba Your phone is ringing"

Chris groans pulling you into his arms. "Let it go to messages" He kisses your head falling back to sleep.

You smile at him you and Chris have been married for about two years and they have been crazy, from the honeymoon phase to starting to pinch yourself sometimes.

You lightly kiss his neck. "Bubba it's six am we should get up" Chris groans again. "Fine ok ok" he gets out of bed and yawns. "hmm let me see who called me"

you get out of bed and grab your phone and walk into the bathroom to get ready for the day.

You get into this outfit and then walk out and fix your hair into this bun.

Chris let's out a happy yell. "Y/N! Y/N!" he runs into the bedroom grabbing you and spinning you around. "Chris what is going...on?" he sets you down and says. "you'll never..guess...who...called me!"

You laugh. "Chris my love calm down...breathe" He smiles. "Someone from people mag called me and said I was...Made..." he gets a sexy grin and you knew what that meant. "Wifey you are looking at the 2023's Sexiest man alive"

Your jaw drops. "Is this a prank?" He shakes his head. "Nope and I get to go to the photo shoot this afternoon"

You smile and start jumping around. "Oh my God babe!!" He jumps with you. "it feels like a dream!" You hug him. "I'm so proud of you babe!"

He smiles kissing you then leaning his head on yours. "thank you wifey"

Later that day you and Chris head to the place for the shoot and Megan smiles as you two walk hand in hand. "hey you two love birds" Chris smiles. "Hey good to see you again"

She gets you two up to date on the day and Chris nods every once in a while. "Hey SMA over here please"

Chris looks at you and you smile. "Get going sexiest man alive you don't want to keep your fans waiting" He kisses you then says. "See you around Misses Evans"

You smile as he walks away and you are led to a chair behind the cameras and they yell. "Action!" You watch Chris the whole time thinking so many thoughts of him.

You make a face to make him laugh and he does and he says a few times. "Wifey stopppp" I laugh lightly and wink at him.

They have him change from many outfits. You found out you loved how he sat on a chair.

"babe your in for it when we get home!" You say looking at his tatts that are peaking out from the shirt. You loved the tattoos and each one was your favorite.

After the shoot Chris walks to you and wraps his arms around you. "Did I tease you enough?" you grin. "I won't say around people babe" He leans to your ear. "Whisper it"

You bite your lip and say in his ear. "I want to rip those clothes off of you so badly"

Chris's eye go wide. "Sorry babe but I have to head out of town for a few days" You pout and wrap your arms around his waist. "Fine i'll have to...take care of my needs on my own"

Chris looks around laughing softly. "that needy uh?" You look at him smirking. "Sorry babe but yes"

Megan walks to you two and says. "Ok that was great Chris now we have A Q and A tomorrow in new york" he nods as he has his arms around you rubbing your back lightly.

"Alright thanks" She nods and you frown. "How long will you be gone?" "Maybe two days" You look at him. "okay" Chris has you sit and he rubs your arm. "what's wrong baby?"

"I thought I could go with but I can't take work off" he wipes the tear from your cheek. "Oh baby I wish you could go with me too but You have work" You nod. "damn I wish I took off last month ago"

He smiles and kisses your forehead. "I'll be back with you in no time" You look at your hands. "I had some news too i'll wait until your back" Chris tilts his head. "What news?"

You look at him. "it'll wait babe it's nothing important" Chris takes your hands in his. "Dove talk to me!" You smile. "I um..." "hey Chris wrap up time" Chris looks at the crew and says. "be right there"

He looks back at you now feeling worried. "Y/n talk to me" "I think i'm pregnant" You say without thinking.

He sits there stunned. "your...what?" You look into his blue eyes and say. "I was going to take test today but then this whole thing started and I didn't want to take one yet, I know it's bad timing Chris and I know your busy and all..."

He hugs you letting tears fall on his beard. "God" You hug him back. "your...not mad?" He pulls away cupping your face. "How can I be mad? I have wanted this for so long"

He smiles kissing you. "i'm one lucky Sexiest man alive" You giggle looking into your husband's blue eyes that had a spark in them and it made you feel happy.

Thank you Nic for asking for this! Hope you like it. :)

tags:@patzammit @cutedisneygrl @angelbabyyy99 @katherineswritingsblog @armystay89 @bookishtheaterlover7

[nyctophiliq]

𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 — abby anderson

— “they messed you up but i can set you free.”

content warning/s — DARK CONTENT, female reader, mean/toxic jock gf! abby anderson, reader wears skirts/dresses, kinda deranged abby?, violence, manipulation, a door gets broken down, masochist/sadist duo, pre-established relationship, suggestive end

a/n — if you know you know, enjoy !!!! also there was just no way for me to not to use y/n in this, sorry.

“YOU CARVED OPEN MY HEART, CAN’T JUST LEAVE ME TO BLEED.”

there is hardly any air in your lungs, you can barely take a full breath as you run towards your dorm room. you want to take a peak over your shoulder so badly, but trying that would result in you tripping and her catching up to you, losing being ahead of her by only a few seconds. you shut the door behind yourself as quickly as you can, turning the lock even faster before sliding down the inside of your door.

“y/n!” BANG BANG BANG!

abby shouts angrily as she slams her fist against the wooden door, bending it from the hinges slightly before she takes a brand and tries to calm herself down. “open the door please, baby please open the door.” she rattles the handle, first with only one hand then two, clicking her tongue quietly when it doesn’t budge but abby is determined, trying again. “y/n can we not fight anymore please, can we not fight anymore?” her voice cracks, it’s forced, not that you can tell.

as you stand on the other side of the door, tears running down your cheeks as you listen to your girlfriend shouting, pleading, and trying to break down the door that is separating the two of you. this fight… you can’t remember how it started, just that it was about something important to abby and everything has been going downhill since then. 

“baby, sure you’re scared i’ve been there, i can set you free!” abby starts again, “i swear you will change your mind if you simply come with me tomorrow.” there is a few beats of silence, you can only hear your heart beating and her heavy breathing. “just.. baby, open the,” her voice cracks once again, she takes a deep breath and sighs out.

“open the door please, sweet girl please open the door. i promise this can all be fixed, just open the door.” she tries the handle once again, still nothing and now she is done playing the nice guy, if it won’t work then this will. “y/n, don’t make me come in there, i’m gonna count to three!” abby shouts once again, banging even harder on the door, splintering the side she as on. there is still no answer.

“one!” she stars counting down, “two!” she continues, hoping that you would get what she is suggesting but when there is no answer and the handle is not turning she has no choice. “fuck it!” she screams before kicking the handle, once, then twice, then a third time before it opens and you jump away.

the door opens abruptly, more like is broken down by abby, before shutting it close behind her, or rather just trying to but it will be needing a fix later, she couldn’t care about it tho. she stomps her way over to you, rolling her sleeves up on her arms, her eyes burning with rage as her combat boots hit the wooden flooring and making the room shake the slightest.

she stares at you for a second, without a word before crouching down next to you, taking your cheeks between her grip. her look frightens you and it takes you less than two seconds to collide with her, hug her, have her arms around you, and have her kiss the top of your head while you apologize profusely for ever becoming upset.

“it’s alright, baby.” she murmurs into your ear, a smile spreading over her lips as you sob into her shoulder, “good girl.”

and as you are under her like this, so vulnerable and pathetic, crying, begging for her forgiveness, she cannot stop her urges as she pulls away and pushes you up on the bed. abby’s mind is already there as the tears roll out of your eyes. “you were so stupid, weren’t you?” you nod as she talks, biting the inside of your cheeks as you try to hold back your sobs.

“we can- you can fix it… what do you think?” she asks, her hand gliding up your legs as she kneels between them. you nod, eagerly so. oh how pleased she was, all those stupid lies that the other student stuffed into your head in the morning long gone, only abby was on your mind and the things she wanted to do to you… you were a freak, just as deranged as her, aren’t you? “please, i want to fix it.” you say with your fragile voice, pulling a sickening grin on abby’s face as the hand from your thigh snakes around your throat and she leans down to kiss you.

she is rough, just as always, biting your bottom lip and sucking your tongue just to tease you, her knee between your legs and hitting it against your clothed cunt. not like you were gonna complain, you liked her being this cruel.

[highhhfiveee]

okay, this has been my literal roman empire. what if gf!y/n and abby are having a little karaoke moment to a song and mike walks in and sees both of them together, and you can write the rest.

i don’t know why but i can’t stop thinking about it.

remember to take care of yourself 🫶🫶

this is so very cute (,: but alas, for "to crumble" mike and reader, this is but a thing of the past.

tags: "to crumble" mike and reader, foreshadowy fluff (: pretty cute stuff that hurts in retrospect 💔

karaoke therapy

a "to crumble" ficlet.

original fic: 🩹 / additional ficlet, facetime: 🤳🏽

you come over to watch abby on a friday night so you're able to stay with her and mike for the entirety of saturday. your weekends are usually occupied by grading since you're nearing the end of the fall semester, but you're forcing time with abby and mike into your schedule because it's what you really want. life wasn't all about work and bills and adulting; you could do the things you enjoyed if you planned for it and so you did.

you'd driven over with enough haste to get you pulled over, toting enough stuff to last you a day and your excitement, large and beaming brightly in your demeanor. you were jittery walking up the drive, shaking out the anxiety in your body as you knock on the door.

abby answers the door, causing you to shift your gaze downward. she's already in her pajamas, the cute, pink bunny slippers you got her for her birthday donned on her feet. she smiles at you, opening the door further so you can step inside. "hi, y/n. you're just in time, mike made lasagna."

"yeah, it's on the stove. it's slightly burnt," mike calls from down the hall, walking into the living room as he slips his arms through the holes of his security vest. "but we'll say crispy on top instead. hi, baby." he grabs your face, pulling you into a couple small pecks, ones he backs away from with a lazy smile. you twist your lips, butterflies fluttering in your stomach. you and mike hadn't been dating for long, a short but serious four months, and you always felt so dizzy when you saw him, bewildered at the fact that he was your boyfriend. he was so sweet, so caring, hard-working, and unlike anyone you'd dated before. he worked so hard to provide for abby and change his future, and it made your attraction to him greater. he wanted you in that future, and it excited you for what was to come.

"gotta leave so soon?" you pout. mike's eyes soften as you caress his cheek, sighing as he reaches down for his bag.

"unfortunately. traffic's bad tonight, there was a huge crash and i gotta take backroads, howeverrrrr," mike ruffles abby's hair, causing her to grumble and gives you one last kiss, the dreamy, far-off look in his eyes accompanied with a lip bite, "i will see you both tomorrow morning, bright and early. have fun, and goodnight."

mike gives abby a kiss on the top of her head before he exits to his car, and you close the door behind you, dropping your duffle onto the floor. "okay," you announce, placing your hands on your bent knees as you turn to abby. "lasagna while we play board games or do karaoke?"

karaoke wins by a landslide. abby's been loving to sing recently, starting to get more comfortable with her growing vocals. she really only shows it to you, and ever since you've showed her karaoke, you've encouraged her to have fun and try different things; different inflections, tones, anything else she feels like she could do to make it her own. you loved to see her blossom singing in front of the brightly colored, ever-changing lyrics, using her hairbrush as a microphone.

you use your own too, setting it down on the coffee table to take a bite of lasagna and garlic bread while you watch abby sing along to call me maybe. she rocks on her heels in front of the tv, eyes tracking alongside the moving text.

you encourage her between forkfuls, providing her with background vocals and hype, giving her an "okay!" once she gets to the prechorus. she begins to dance, bouncing around the space between the coffee table and the tv. she gives her all to the chorus, making a good attempt at belting the notes.

"you sound so good, abs," you praise, wiping your mouth off on a napkin before grabbing the remote to change the karaoke video. "here, let's try some other ones. eat some food while i find them, 'kay?"

meanwhile, mike is sat in his car, idling behind others on the backroad he decided to take. traffic on these roads had increased because of the crash on the freeway, and there was no way he was getting to work any time soon. he'd been sitting bumper to bumper with these cars for about ten minutes, and he feels irritation creeping up into him, tapping his fingers against the wheel and leaning his head into the palm of his hand, elbow resting on the window. not even listening to the radio helps him, and eventually he just turns it off, succumbing to the sound of bad brakes and purring engines.

his mind floats away with thoughts of you, and how happy you looked he saw you at the house, all giddy and excited to be there. he loved you, loved when you were around. abby did too. you'd both agreed that your presence made the house feel complete, and that's all mike could think about, wondering how to bring up the question he'd been dwelling on for the past few weeks.

he should be home, on the couch watching tv with you and abby, or eating dinner, sat at the table and talking about your days and what hopes you had for the future. what things you found interesting. interacting like humans, having real moments; being present. mike had trouble with that, sleeping so much to keep up with the demand of working overnight. he tried to be there for abby as much as he could, helping her with her homework and making sure she was fed and feeling okay after her school days, but sometimes he felt like it was just an autonomous thing he did, moving on autopilot. the days blended together until you entered the equation, completely breaking up the monotony in his life with your being.

he should be home, not sitting in between all these aluminum machines, breathing in the acrid smells of oil and gasoline.

"fuck it," mike mutters, checking his blinds before pulling a turn off the main road and making his way around all the traffic, heading back towards the house.

freddy's was locked. no one would be around to do anything, no one ever was, and he was sure that it would be fine if he missed one night. he speeds back home, gripping the steering wheel with intent. he has people to get to, time to spend with the ones he loves. life's too short, he ruminates, and there's never enough time for moments of happiness like the ones he gets from you and abby.

he pulls into the driveway, exiting the car with the same jaunty energy you had earlier and unlocking the door with zeal. "decided to come back home. traffic wa---"

"my loneliness...is killing me,"

"and i...."

"i must confess, i still believe..."

"still believe!" you point your index finger to the sky as you hit the note, giggling along with abby as she attempts it too. "when i'm not with you, i lose my mind...give me a signnnnnnnnn," you're spinning around with your brush clutched in both hands, eyes closed and body fully invested in the music. mike doesn't think he's heard you sing before, not so solemnly like this. your voice is beautiful.

"hit me baby---oh jeez, mike!" you squeal in time to the music as abby finishes out the chorus, turning to face her brother as well. he's just staring at you two, jovially twisted lips and crossed arms and this twinkling look in his eye that makes you squirm. no one's ever looked at you like that, and you replace your hairbrush with the remote, stopping the video.

"sorry, i'm just...helping abby expand her iconic pop song repertoire. gotta start with one of the classics." abby nods as mike waves off your apology, setting his bag next to yours on the floor. "yeah, y/n is introducing me to such great songs. i'm really enjoying britney spears. what was that other song we did?"

"toxic," you reply, tucking your hair behind your ear. "that was a really fun one."

"uh huh, it was! it was all---" abby mimics the whiny synth strings, causing mike to laugh, coming around to the front of the couch. he wraps his arm around your waist, twirling you to face him. you place both of your hands on his shoulders, gazing deeply into his content eyes. "let me hear more of your singing, abs," he asks, and she starts the video up again, pretending the small sliver of space where she stands is a professional stage.

mike begins to sway your bodies, slowly waltzing you around as abby's untrained voice soundtracks your dance. "don't know why you were apologizing. hearing and watching you two have fun is the greatest thing ever, baby. love seeing you spend time together."

you blush, ducking your head into his collarbone. "it's just a silly thing i do by myself at home. guess i kinda got abby super interested in it...lots of fun though. lots of fun."

mike is quiet for a while, spinning you around gently. you can feel his heartbeat through his clothes, speed up-ticking with every second. he's looking down on you, watching your eyelash flutter with each serene blink you take, then looking at abby, who's searching through other karaoke videos and humming the melody of baby one more time with a bob of her head.

all mike can feel right now is this moment. he feels every second pass, overly-conscious to the fact that he's living and breathing in this instant. this was the present he'd always wanted to be in, and he doesn't want to let go of it. he wants this forever. his question gnaws at him, chewing away at his stomach, and he finally just blurts it out.

you're about to pull away from him to ask him if he's okay when he whispers, "move in with us." you're taken aback, raising from his chest and staring at him, eyebrows furrowed and lips wrinkled.

"mike.."

"you don't have to answer right now," he clarifies, sighing as he shakes his head. "i meant to ask it as a question, i'm sorry." you chuckle, reaching your fingers up into the hair at the nape of his neck. "just...let me know if you want to. i love having you here, abby loves having you here. i know it's still pretty early for us but...we could be a bona fide family, the three of us."

you squeeze mike a little tighter, a sort of answer to his question. there wasn't anything stopping you, truly. his house was closer to the school you worked at, and you could drop abby off at her school in the mornings so mike could get enough rest to pick her up in the afternoons. you could have home-cooked dinners, and spend the weekends together, taking abby to art museums and libraries, theme parks and other attractions.

you really could be a family. you were still young, your relationship with mike moderately fresh, but...the idea sounded nice.

"think about it," mike instructs, pulling away from you and ducking down to look at your obscured face. "no rush, okay?" he steps away from you after giving you a kiss to the forehead, grabbing for your hairbrush. a video for i'm like a bird by nelly furtado has started playing, and mike saddles up to abby, hip bumping her as he prepares to sing. "gonna be your backup singer, that okay?"

"yeah, yeah, just do it well! c'mon, c'mon it's starting! you're beautiful, that's for sure..." you take a seat on the couch, hugging your knees to your chest as you watch and listen, giggling along to mike's off-pitch ad-libs and timing mistakes. abby squeals at him, bursting into a fit of laughter and incorrect lyrics as he tickles at her torso.

you could get used to this, you think. maybe moving wouldn't be so bad.

how cute for it to all just go ka-blammy (,: going to write a part 2 for "to crumble" and i know y'all said y'all wanted it sweet but hmmmm...i think we need some angst. just stay tuned 🤞🏽

faire's seedlings ✿

@leahdhopkins4321-@pyr0-kai-@angstywhore-@sunazroo-@nyxthoughtss-@mirophobic-@fayethor-@marixsimps-@regretfulme-@ithinkitszeph-@707xn-@cattt777-@violetta-ximena-@amnesia33-@topnerd03-@fastnights-@laprvphette-@savage-aespa-@mfdxz-@0-tatiana-0-@dusstory-@delwrites

[samkerrworshipper]

Sam/Kristie request where Kristie is overly anxious about meeting Sam’s family for the first time in Australia? With Sam sweetly reassuring her that she has nothing to worry about ofc ☺️

pinky promise?

sam kerr x kristie mewis

no warnings just anxiety and fluffiness with a supportive gf sam kerr

lol wrote this instead of cramming for my exam tomorrow so pray for meeeee xoxo

“Kris, open up, please.”

I tried to block out Sam’s voice, tried my hardest to ignore it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do this, I just couldn’t.

“Kristie, my love, open up.”

I couldn’t move, my whole body paralysed by the overwhelming fear that I was feeling at the moment. I’d been going alright, gotten up this morning, eaten breakfast with Sam and gotten changed and ready to go meet her parents for the first time, and just as I’d been putting my mask on and picking up my things to leave the house it had all come crashing down on me. Sam had seen me in an array of states, panic attacks, mental breakdowns, she’d seen it all but this had come out of nowhere. She’d been picking up her car keys when I rushed from the door of our hotel room, running directly into the bathroom and locking the door behind me.

That was what had gotten me here, sitting on the floor of a fucking hotel bathroom, trying my hardest to calm my breathing, willing the tears that were flowing freely down my face to just fuck off. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, I had promised myself that I would be good for Sam, knowing how long she’d waited for this moment, it meant so much to her and I couldn’t bear to wreck it for her, but here I was, doing exactly that.

I heard the door click from behind me and open up, I hid my head very quickly in the shoulder of my jumper, not really caring that I knew I was going to now have to get changed all over again to take of what was now most likely a tear stained jumper, that belonged to Sam.

I could hear her footsteps cautiously getting closer to me, she was clearly a little bit unsure of how to approach this situation, but she also wasn’t a person who hid from confrontation, she faced it head on and I knew she’d do the same with this.

“Kristie, babe, look at me.”

I lifted my heavy head out of my shoulder, looking at the feet of my girlfriend who was standing about two metres away from me.

“Can I come sit down with you?”

Her voice was so calm but also so sure, there was absolutely zero room for confusion in her voice, she knew what she was doing, knew how to communicate with me.

I nodded and watched through bleary ears as the feet approached me and then slid down on the ground next to me, finding themselves next to my own.

Sam didn’t make any contact with me, besides our shoulders being beside each other and that was enough for me, just her presence was enough for me.

“Deep breaths honey, work on your breathing for me.”

I nodded into my own body, obeying Sam’s order and focusing on my breathing, slowly getting it to stabilise. My sobs slowly simmered down to silent crying, fat, wet, warm teards dripping down my eyelashes and onto my face, my face that I’d made look just right for Sam’s parents, everything had to be perfect.

“Good Kristie, you’re doing so well for me.”

Only once I’d calmed down did she initiate contact, very gently draping a arm over my shoulders, bringing my head that I’d tucked into my own body into hers.

“M’ sorry.”

Sam shook her head, one of her hands finding its way to my scalp and gently worming its way between the tresses and piecing their ways through the strands. Her other hand fell to one of my own, tracing little patterns into the sin along the back of my palm.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, how are you feeling?”

I brought my free hand up to my mouth, picking anxiously at my nails.

“I’m fine.”

Sam’s own hand came up to the one at my mouth, tugging it away back to my lap and then going back to her previous ministrations.

“You don’t have to do that with me.”

I bit down on my lip, I loved Sam, with everything I had. I loved how much she cared for me, but it didn’t make it any easier for me to talk about my feelings with her, even though I knew she would never judge me, she was the kind of human who accepted you no matter what and it was what I admired in her more than anything else.

“Do what?”

Sam’s hands continued their motions, slowly forcing me to relax a little bit more, my tense body slowly but surely giving in to her actions.

“Act like everything is alright in front of me, it’s very clearly not and it doesn’t have to be. Tell me about it.”

I cocked my head to the side, unsure about how to talk to Sam about this. She’d seen me mid panic attack, seen my at my worst but we’d never really talked about it, she’d helped me come down from it, let me vent to her whatever I felt like in the moment and then helped me book an appointment with my therapist for the first thing the next day, she’d never taken up the role of therapist, we’d never blurred those lines.

“Your parents.”

Sam’s eyebrow curled up at me, silently asking for me to explain.

“We were going to see them?”

I nodded furiously at her and I knew she was trying so hard to understand the source of my anxiety but she was clearly struggling with the lack of context.

“Kris, honey, I’m going to need a little bit more than that.”

I took a deep breath, tears were still dripping down my face but they were coming to a slow and felt less heavy against my cheeks.

“I’m meeting them for the first time and what if they think I’m not good enough, or that I’m not good for you? What if they hate me and they want nothing to do with me?”

Sam exhaled deeply, I could feel her breathing below my head, her chest moving up and down with every single breath that left her lungs.

“Kris, we’ve talked to them hundreds of times over skype, they love you, they are going to love you.”

She was right, we had talked to them plenty on the phone and skype, but it wasn’t the same, not to me at least.

“You don’t know that, what if they don’t? What if they hate me and then you hate me and we can’t be together anymore, you’ll have to break up with me and I can’t do that again, I can’t go through what happened with Rach, I can’t do it again.”

Sam nodded at my words, clearly taking it all in and trying to make sense of it all.

“Kristie, I’m not going to break up with you, I pinky swear, regardless of what my parents think. They are going to love you, I’m sure of it, but if they don’t then that’s okay, that’s their fault for not seeing everything that I see in you. You are so incredibly perfect and if they don’t love you as much as I do then that’s their own problem, they’re missing out. That’s not going to happen though, they are going to love you just as much as I do.”

I wanted to believe her, but my thoughts betrayed me and it sucked, because I wanted to believe her words but for some reason I just couldn’t manage to convince my brain that what she was telling me was the truth, apparently Sam noticed though.

“Kristie, have I ever lied to you?”

“You told me that you had a pet kangaroo when you were a kid.”

Sam snickered at my reply, but very quickly recovered.

“Have I ever lied to you about anything serious?”

I thought about it for a few seconds, sifting through my brain to try and find an instance that would apply.

“No.”

Sam nodded at my response.

“Exactly, so why would I lie to you about this?”

All of a sudden I felt the damn break and I was a blubbering mess, throwing myself into Sam’s arms and sobbing directly into her jumper.

“What if I’m not enough for them or you? What if I can’t be perfect or right for them and they think I’m bad for you? What if they think that you are too good for me, your fucking perfect at everything and I’m not and what if they see that?”

Sam’s hands were now on my back, rubbing big circles into my back. She was cooing at me, like you did to a baby and I hated it but it felt so good.

“Kristie Anne, nobody is perfect. I’m certainly not and you don’t have to be. You are enough, you are everything I ever want or need. You aren’t bad for me, they think you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Nobody is perfect, my parents aren’t and neither am I. They don’t expect you to be perfect and you know that I don’t, so don’t worry about it, or try not to worry about it. Kris, if you really don’t want to go see them we don’t have to, I’ll tell them that we’re feeling sick of something, but I think we should, I think that you need to overcome this fear and just bite it in the ass by meeting them, because I can guarantee that it’s going to be nowhere near as bad as what you are making it out to be.”

I was clinging onto Sam’s sweatshirt with all of my life.

“Promise?”

She nudged my head out of her sweatshirt, so I was forced to look at her eye to eye.

“I pinky promise.”

I rolled my eyes at her, and she smiled back at my normal annoyance at her childish actions.

“C’mon, let’s go, we’re late for brunch.”

I looked down at Sam’s phone, which was resting in her lap and realised she was right, we were running ten minutes late, which in perspective wasn’t that bad considering that I felt like I’d been sitting on the ensuite floor for four hours.

“Pinky Promise that if they hate me you won’t break up with me?”

Sam nodded at me, smiling and squishing my face reassuringly.

“I pinky promise.”

[cyb3rspyd3r]

" why dont you bring your girlfriend ."

contents: gwen x mari , kissing , a short scenario then headcanons

A/N: mari is @gw3ndyswonderland , this is a story for her since she made one for me , this my day one fr yall .. anyways i hope u guys enjoy reading it if u want !

-----------------------------------------------

gwen headed home after a long day of working for her band , she walked home around 5:19 pm. she felt a buzz come from her phone , which was in her back pocket. she took it out , seeing that it was a text from her girlfriend , mari .

"where are youu , imy" the text from mari read , causing gwen to smile at her phone. she quickly texted back , not waiting a second to respond to her love .

"i'm on my way home love , is smth wrong?" she texted back , briefly looking up from her phone to check her surroundings , she was outside walking by herself. "margo said she's having a party tomorrow , help me pick out a dress mama" mari texted back , glancing over at the 3 dresses she had in option , being the indecisive girl she was.

gwen squinted at her screen , the word party going into her mind and running through along with thoughts of mari being there without gwen. gwen was protective of mari , she let her have her freedom though. but a party??? she wanted to go too..

"why dont you bring your girlfriend?" she wanted to go to the party , but she hadn't got an invite from margo. yet. this kinda frustrated gwen , her and margo were good friends , she wondered why she hadnt been invited .

"well , i could bring you .." mari replied , but the moment she went to continue typing her next sentence , gwen said "great ! i'll find a dress and stuff , omw home now i love youu" leaving mari to stare at her screen , she couldn't even finish her sentence..

-----------------------------------------------

Headcanons ★ .

jackets and hoodies hoodies and jackets.. this is the MAIN thing these mfs exchange , gwen owns a light pink hoodie with a white star on it; well .. she used to own it.. it simply belongs to mari now , it even has her scent

when the relationship first started , gotta admit it was rather awkward. mari is gwen's first gf so she tries to do her absolute best taking care of mari (she does wonderful)

gwen loves baking , she always bakes little cupcakes or things for mari when she misses her , and is always the one to make her cake for her birthday

gwen copies mari's lingo..ALOT... mari said it? going straight to gwen's vocab on a daily

"OH EM GEE THAT LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOUU" "stealing my lingo .. ily"

gwen likes learning how to braid so she can do mari's hair , she LOVES mari's hair shes always messing with it , playing with it , or doing it

kisses .. they both love kisses .. and don't give a damn where they're at ... they're gonna kiss...

i'll prolly make more of these .. i kept procrastinating and was barely working on it .. i apologize mari ..

[kaizensluvr]

aib women comforting gn reader who experiences nightmares

author note! hey, this is the part 2, in my previous post i did all the men

yuzuha usagi

- gonna gasp when she wakes up

- immediately makes sure you wake up to get you outta ur misery

- she will put her arms on your shoulder while making you do grounding exercises and deep breathes

- she will tell you to talk to her about anything to distract yourself

- to prevent this, right before you guys go to sleep she tries to calm your mind with meditation and stretching where she guides you

- not gonna let you go the rest of the night so you’ll wake up with her hands on you

hikari kuina

- she goes protective caring amazing perfect gf mode on you

- like she will be prepared to get anything for you, talk about anything, or just cuddle

- wakes you up carefully and repeats your name

- will pull you into a hug and ask what’s wrong

- to calm you down even more she will play with your hair and promise that you’ll spend time doing whatever you want tomorrow

- holds you hand all night long while cuddling you

mira kano

- she already knows what’s up right away somehow???

- ok so she’s gonna be super stern with you and make sure that you KNOW it’s all fake

- so expect affirmations and reassurance

- when you first wake her up by kicking and wailing she’s going to hold you down and snap you outta it

- as soon as you see her on top of you you’re immediately comforted bc u know she wouldn’t let anything hurt you

- she’ll let u cling onto her as her hot soothing voice whispers sweet things to you

rizuna an

- so she’s like protective and immediately scans the perimeter and makes sure no one is there instinctively

- then she will brush your hair away from your face and just say your name while holding you

- once you see her you’re shocked bc you thought she died in the dream and ur so happy to see her

- as you stutter and tell her bits of it she’s just gonna look at u with sympathy bc this has been happening repeatedly

- will pull your head onto her lap so she can rub your back.. “it’s all going to be okay, just stay with me and we will make it. i’m not leaving you love”

ⓒ caution. don’t repost my work without my permission. plagiarism is prohibited. don’t translate my work without my permission. i will take measures of reporting you.

[scaryblondelady]

while it would have been pretty funny for cath to have been the killer just to get her hobby farm for cheap, that ending would have left me feeling really disappointed. i’m honestly so thankful it’s not her or any of the other women for that matter.

before the finale airs tomorrow, i just wanted to officially cast my vote for whodunit and add a few more thoughts to this post that my gf put together last week. potential spoilers below this point, fair warning.

as stated in the original post, it’s ray pies. in addition to the evidence provided by pinselwurm:

ray had the perfect opportunity to blow up the loch nessie. he left skye’s dinner party early to drive eddie home and then promptly left the shack. most of the other key players were still at the dinner party when the loch nessie was set ablaze.

if ray is the killer, why did he throw up at the sight of jimmy on the cross? similar to abby, i think he accidently poisoned himself with arsenic while handling the mast of the loch nessie. after all, he had to craft the mast into the shape of a cross after stealing it. if he was unaware of the treatment on the wood, just inadvertently touching the material with his bare hands or breathing in fumes/particles could have made him physically sick.

in addition to ray, william carruthers and james have also been floated as potential suspects. listed below are the reasons why i don’t believe either is our murderer.

william: in the next episode, i believe we are going to find out that william carruthers is actually dead (has been for some time) and is buried out on that island that margaret is so fiercely protective of. sure, margaret is hiding something but i think we are going to find out that it’s related to money, whatever it is. maybe it has something to do with land rights or the carruther’s estate? did her brother want to return some (or all) of their land to the palawa? that could potentially explain why she wants miranda indebted to her.

james: he doesn’t care about anyone but himself, plain and simple. he absolutely does not give a single shit about any of the women in his life. just think about all of the times he undermines dulcie and eddie, or about how he constantly steamrolls abby, or about all the times he makes condescending comments to or about women. after witnessing his selfish behavior all season, i just don’t believe that this is the guy that would go on a killing spree to “dish out justice” for all of the abused women in deadloch. james has grand ambitions for his career and he wants recognition for his work. however, he really doesn’t need to take any extreme action in order to achieve those things. that’s the point. despite his shit work ethic and the way in which he treats his female colleagues, despite being an utter prick, he has still managed to become a “leader in his field” purely because he is a man. he is part of the boy’s club, he is benefiting greatly from it, and i don’t see how he’d have any interest in tearing it all down.

lastly, completely unrelated but perhaps most important of all, i really think bushy (eddie’s deceased partner) is a dog. idk, she just seems to feel really responsible for his death. and i just don’t see how she would feel that responsible for some grown ass man getting eaten by a croc while chilling on a speed boat. i could, however, see her feeling like absolute shit for leaving a dog tethered and alone on board.

anyways, happy almost deadloch finale day everyone. we’ll see whodunit soon enough.

[sophieenjoysbagels]

i have a thing from november..

Mike:

I don't know why I cry. I just do. I don't mean too. My mom just used to call them little “fits of mine” oh well. but when Abby shows one bit of something everything goes to her. I've been dealing with these all my life, but I can't do anything. It's like I'm in a void. I can't move, talk or anything. My clothes get tight, I hear ringing and I just cry. It's worse when I'm in public. I used to cry just because somebody was touching me on the arm. Luckily, when me and ness met, i got comfortable around him. He's amazing and he helps me alot, mentally. He told me what I have are called “shutdowns” and he understands what I need when I can't. He gives me space, he asks to touch me on the ARM. wow. He even learned all the textures off my clothes and what I eat. Nobody has done that before. Before I took care of Abby I had a girlfriend. She didn't care for me and didn't help me whatsoever, she refused to take me in public because of my little “childish meltdowns”. Ness is way better than her. He also helps with my nightmares. He holds me while I sleep. He MAKES SURE I SLEEP. Like oh my god. I had to go on a double date thing and my little “fits” happened..”

 “Hey Mike, remember we have that double date at the mall at 2.” ness reminded mike for the 5574th time. “...yep. Bye, love you.” “bye mike.” (god i really don't wanna do this. I don't hate them, I just hate the mall even though I work there..) mike was thinking as he fidgeted with the spare change in his baggy jean pocket. (oh god.. I have to go.. wait Vanessa texted me..) we see you loser come over here. (oh god oh god oh god i can't do this today. Great ness texted me too.) on my way mike, you got this. “Huh.. maybe i can” mike thought to himself, walking over dragging his left foot. “U-u-u-u-uh h-hey guys..” (shit i fucked this up already.) “hey mike ya good?” Vanessa obviously questions. (oh good i'm gonna struggle to speak. Where is ne-) “hey guys! Hey mike!” “...” Mike just stands there blinking. Luckily ness got the hint. …”ok lets go order food..” “ how about you and cindy (Vanessa's gf) go and order quickly?” “alrighty.” vannaesa   and Cindy walk off. “Mike.” (why does he have to be so tall?!?!) “...y-eah?” (oh gosh.) “Are you ok? I'm concerned " "uhm yeah… im fine?” “Alright then. (the lunch thing is going ok. although i hated how loud it was and the lights! Why are they so bright? I feel like I'm gonna pass out. And why are my clothes so tight? “...Mike…” I don't know if i can do this? “..mike.” Can I?) “MIKE!” “oh my god do you have to yell!?” Mike screamed, tearing up a little and covering his ears. “Everybody can hear you.” “(ness: i'm gonna take him somewhere to calm down for a bit.)” “yeah.. Of course we understand!” Vanessa said. “Yeah!!” Cindy agreed. “Ok mike.. Walk with me…”

“N-ness im s-sorry -I t-tried…” “mike! I know you did.” “here.” ness said, giving mike a semi full hug while mike still had his hands over his ears. (this is kind of nice. guess he helps.) “Are you ok to go back?” “mhm i guess.” “Well it's your lucky day! We just have to say goodbye then we can leave since I dropped you off at work today.” (sigh..) Yeah ok.” ness walked back to the place where vanessa and cindy were laughing and chatting away. “Hey guys this was great but…” ness points at mike who's behind him staring at his shoes. “Yeah, of course I'm coming over to see mike tomorrow anyway.” “ok..! Bye guys..” “Mike, say bye.” “...bye..im sorry…” “bye mike, it's fine” they both say. As Ness is driving to pick up Abby with mike, he looks over and Mike is sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat. “Seems about right…'' As Ness is waiting for Abby, he puts his hand on top of Mike's. “Hey ness-” “shh.. Your brother is sleeping.” “oh ok!”When they get home Abby goes to her room and ness carries mike inside “hey ness” “yes?” he whispered. “How can you carry mike? “Well he's not that heavy, he's very lightweight.” “alright! Can I have goldfish?” “go for it 🙂”  

next day

knock knock knock. “Oh… uh hey Vannesa!” “hey ness.. How's mike?"He's good. He went to work fine today. I just want to know why he's like that.” “Yeah, same. You should get him to go get tested for something.” “you really think so?!” “yeah.. I know mike said abby had autism and adhd but i don't think he knows its genetic. There's a good chance he has it.” “we can mention it later” “actually- can you do it vanessa? I feel like he would understand better from his best frie-"" I'M HIS BEST FRIEND?!?!? OMG! I'm gonna tear up…..” “Vanessa focus…” “oh yep- sorry! Well ima go to work see ya later!!” “bye!!” “whatever..” Vanessa drives to the empty parking lot of the freddys pizzeria, seeing a familiar car. “MIKE!!” Vanessa calls out, hearing nothing. “Where are the robots..?” She starts racing to the office. Mike is fine, better than fine actually. He fell asleep and all of the robots gathered around him, making sure he's ok. “Get out of here and get back to your stage.” she shooed them away. “Mike..” ngmh “MIKE.” “OK IM SORRY DONT HURT M- oh hi Vannesa..'' Mike flashed his very signature smile. “What do you think you were doing? You know you can't sleep on the job. It's dangerous.” “I know I know, it's just- I've been dealing with stuff and it's-hard to sleep….”

[sapphicautistic]

My incisions are all across like my lower belly around my belly button and I'd expected some to be up like near or on my ribs so I had an inaccurate picture about which muscles I'd need to avoid using too much for awhile.

But I'm finding the advice I solicited on my big blog (about which of my mobility aids will strain my incision sites) is still really helpful. My rollator has been invaluable esp since walking at all seems to strain my incision sites but I need to do it for circulation etc reasons.

Walking with the rollator actually feels like it's straining the sites less than when I tried walking with the cane? And esp compared to the few steps I've taken unassisted. Not sure why that would be so though.

I think I could self propel my clunker wheelchair on hard floors rn but I don't have to go far rn fortunately so the walker is sufficient atm and moving my torso at all while sitting is very painful/feels like it's pulling on things so I'm glad I have the option of not using it!

I haven't fallen down once since surgery!! (close call at the hospital but I landed on the bed and wasn't injured so it doesn't count) which my gf has been very concerned about cuz I am a fall risk in general, and I'm high as balls on the pain meds so even clumsier and a fall now could reopen my incisions.

I had to eat soup and take meds after my gf's p usual bedtime last night and she got out of bed and heated up my soup and hung out with me while I ate it 😭 she was worried I'd hurt myself, she's been really sweet taking care of me!!

I do think she was right and I maybe overdid it yesterday walking around (w rollator) in an attempt to improve circulation/ work out the air they blew into me to have more working space around my organs. Bedtime last night was kind of brutal on the same dose that felt like overkill earlier in the day.

I had actually emailed my doc to see if I could take half a pill instead of the 1-2 pills prescribed, like if it's safe to cut these in half, bc in the afternoon I was just super high on one and my pain was totally ignorable when not moving. But yeah at bedtime I seriously debated taking a second one cuz my pain was not controlled.

It eventually calmed down enough that I got to sleep though and managed to avoid taking more and even skipped a dose in the night cuz I fell asleep 20 minutes before I could've taken it and wasn't aware of any pain so that ended up being ok.

But this morning I woke up way too early just to pee and after getting up and moving the pain was awful so I took another dose in hopes I'd go back to sleep.

I'd been hoping to wait till my normal breakfast time but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯maybe tomorrow it'll work! Or the next day lol

I think my schedule is gonna be kinda fucked up for awhile!

[khaleesiofalicante]

Why is it that every time I’m like wow I should probably do work nine hours before it’s due I end up scrolling down your Tumblr and catching up on anything I’ve missed?

While I am here, Lily‘s life updates I guess:

At some point in the last three weeks or two weeks, I DK what time is anymore I finished chain of thorns. I’m going to wait to tell you what I think until you’ve finished, but do let me know when you’ve finished. I need you and Noah to be the people I discuss this with and both of you are still reading so currently I am alone with my thoughts.

I also recently saw a movie in 4d and that shit was probably one of the coolest things I have experienced this year. It was a Marvel movie so you know that shit was full of action, to the point where somewhere in the movie theater they had seats that had seatbelts because the head the seats moving that much. I absolutely regret bringing any snacks to that movie because I felt like I was on a goddamn roller coaster.

I loved loved loved the last few chapters of IALS. Lances blind jokes make me feel so “seen“. I feel like some of the things Lance says are things that I have definitely said to people… Maybe to you at some point in my life. Also him and Theo are so cute. The way they both have the absolute word vomit in front of each other. Also I am protecting AJ with my life. And I thought it was so painful that Lance thought that the divorce was because of him. Also Alec? What the fuck did you do? I love Alec I really do, but I am Max, and I feel betrayed on his behalf. Especially if I am right about the reasoning that I think he did it for.

So I think I mentioned the girl I met online, we’ve gone on a few more dates. And she took me on a little date for Valentine’s Day, and she wrote me a love letter in braille, and it is now taking pride of place on my desk because the effort man. Also, I can’t remember if I told you about the little fanfiction moment we had on our second date, but I went over to her place and we were cuddling and she fell asleep while we were cuddling. And before that, on one of our late night conversations she had mentioned how she has a hard time sleeping, and nobody likes having sleepovers with her because of the fact that she moves so much in her sleep. But she didn’t when I was with her in the morning after she told me that I help her sleep better which was the most romance novel shit that has ever happened to me in my life.

I also got a work-study position at my school which I’m happy about because it means that I will be making money, and I’m also doing it with a department in my school that I really like.

I think that’s currently all, but I might be missing things. How have you been though? Did you end up taking a rest at any point? I hope you have been taking care of yourself and being kind to yourself, and by I hope I mean I demand that you do that for yourself because self-care is important.

I know it's almost been a month since it came out but omg you already finished?? I haven't had time to read recently so I'm really hoping to read tomorrow!!

AND WHAT WAS THE MARVEL MOVIE? I NEED TO KNOW. (ps - i still haven't watched Ant-Man so no spoilers hehe)

Your Lance pun killed me. You are the queen of blind jokes. I never see them coming. Get it? Lol.

Also look at you living your own lil fanfic. Why am I so emo about this? I love how thoughtful your gf is. (wait, is she your gf...okay bye)

Wait. I'm not done. Making money is the best, bro. Get them dollars.

I have not been resting but I've been spending a lot of unnecessary money because I'm renovating my room but I'm not going to think about it because I want to regret it later hehe.

I did have a fantastic movie night with my bestie and she forced me to watch a horror film and i was drunk real bad and we laughed so much (and i broke a wine glass lol). So, yeah. Not bad. Things are okay, I guess.

Or, as we'd say in Sri Lanka, things are shape.

Love you 💙

[ijustwantwhatiwantwheniwantit]

Okay so we moved in with my parents to save money and because the market is insane rn. Then it turned out my grandmother couldn’t be independent anymore so my parents moved her down and are living in a house locally with her. Me and my partner were left in charge of my parents house and take care of their dog and two cats.

Within a month of us having the house to ourselves, my brother decides to move back from GA to “save money for a house”

The problem is that he is so ADD (unmedicated) he leaves a trail of chaos everywhere he goes. He’s like Taz from looney tunes. When he cooks he uses every pot/pan/dish in the house then leaves them sit. Will leave food out so the cats get into it(the cats even smashed a casserole dish he left out.) He feeds the pets people food when I’ve worked so hard to get them to eat their own food. Doors get left open and unlocked when he leaves to go somewhere. Several times the back door was left open so the dog got outside but couldn’t get back in when it was 20 degrees out. I did NOT sign up to be my brothers handler.

Then his gf comes to visit with her crazy untrained dog. Our animals stay stressed when her dog is around. They won’t eat, the cats stay hidden, the cats have been have diarrhea because they’re so stressed out. If her dog is allowed to roam the house he has “accidents” on the carpet constantly. I have worked very hard to keep my parents house clean, not smelling like animals, and getting it organized. So much for that. Right before she came for the holidays my brother told me she quit her job now only does door dash. Great there is no hard fast deadline for her to leave now. She came the Wednesday before Christmas. First I was told she was leaving new years weekend, then I was told she was leaving today 1/2/23 but now she’s not going until tomorrow🤷🏼‍♀️ I asked my brother point blank if she was going to show up and never leave. He assured me she would never stay past her welcome. But here we are. My partner and I are back to work and so is my brother. She is still here. I’m going insane. She nice enough but I want my space and my routine back! The animals I am responsible for are constantly in a state of stress and I haven’t been able to 100% relax since she’s been here. How tf do I kick someone out without causing and international incident?!? Was legit in tears from stress at work when I found out the departure date changed again.

I swear when we eventually get our own place I’m never having guests over. Everyone who wants to visit will have to get a hotel. Fuck this shit! Any guest after she finally leaves will not be allowed to show up without prior approved check in and check out dates.

I just don’t understand why common courtesy is so often ignored or disregarded.

[ask-dcf]

Apologies for the slowness

This week has been hectic on me. I just had foot surgery and been made running around doing work despite my surgery. And have not only a session the day after tomorrow but also a psyche evaluation for future employment.

I’m HOPING next week will be better. It really sucks cuz there been alot of cool artists open to Comission and I’m not sure I’m able to commission them till after next week. Hopefully some of them will be open till then.

I’ll try to do asks when I can but hopefully next week I’ll be ok. QwQ sorry again.

i do have some GOOD news. My gf and I are making a new AU. It’s gonna be slower and not as crazy as this one. And she plans to share something special soon so I hope you all enjoy it when it happens.

take care all qwq

[miamoo27]

Life has been work the past couple day. I feel directionless. I’m doing great at my job but lacking in school and I’m my “professional life.” Right now my heart isn’t in it I’m feeling connected to work and the kids making a different. I feel impatient with school like I’m waiting to be done despite mt enjoyment in learning. But the pressure feels horrific lately. I was sick for two days still feel it. Work has been disgustingly stressful due to my co worker. Being horrific with the kids. And then I have my lab mentor telling me “it’s unprofessional to have an unexpected absence without notice” ummm so sorry I was asleep and not feeling well once. It isn’t a pattern.

The pressure is fucking on and I wanna roll in a ball. I can’t help my restless ways it’s mt nature. It’s hard to be under this much and try so hard yet be fearful of telling others what I need. I overplease until I can’t do it. Now I have this dumb fucking stupid party tomorrow SORRY. That has to do with my dads family coming here. My stomach still hurts I’m getting my period and I don’t need this. I hate the voice in my head that says stop complaining stop worrying. My parents are fighting don’t blame my mom. She doesn’t want them here. I don’t really but he is my father. He knows how I feel. I’m not passive aggressive with how I feel or “fresh” I just say it. Probablt a reason some don’t like me. I care what others think but I’m also not going to “fake” it to make others comfortable. I hate doing that and I need to stop doing that. I need to just be completely honest with mt feelings. I hate putting on a mask. This morning I didn’t. Adam my conworkee noticed it immediately. Saying he noticed when she came in I was upset. Not with the kids but at here. He said he knows I care a lot. It shows. I do care a lot it’s one of mt faults. I deeply devote myself to one thing and forget about everything else. (This is a new personality character because I used to mindlessly do too many things). I forgot about school for a good two weeks. I stopped replying to emails, texts, calls. I also hate texting people consistently. I’m exhausted I have no time for me. I don’t wanna do this shit and go to appointments but sadly we live in a world where appoints exist. Weirdly I’m amazing at staying on time at work. I take care of 18 4 year olds and clean up after them feed them love them nurture them and teach them. Yet I can’t text someone back something doesn’t add up. Even my therapists texts intimidate me. Yet I can Literallt fight someone in real life. But that’s only people I don’t respect. Which unfortunely I respect all my professors.

To give myself credit I’ve dealt with a ton of shit while doing all of this. So I haven’t processed my moms addiction or really my feelings around men in general. I’m afraid to be in love. True shit. I have high standard now which makes my red flag alarm go up everytime I encounter a guy. One has a gf one has a baby one has an addiction one can’t commit and one is gay. The world is insane. I feel like Janis Joplin “one good man”. Where they at tho? It’s been a long ass day this is an insane rant and probablt makes no sense but I need to write it. Apart from all these downfalls I’m genuinely a good person I think I care about people animals pets children everyone. Yet I don’t trust men romantically. I have barely any trust in the world and I’m nervous.

How could I be two things at once.

Someone who loves the universe and nature. Believes in peace and tries to show it. Feels connected spiritually to the earth.

Someone who doesn’t trust people. Is afraid of love. Disgusted by pda.

It isn’t the world I don’t trust it’s the people and what they did scares me and I’m afraid it could happen again. I get so hooked to someone quickly. When I love i reallt love. Nick showed me that he didn’t bring me the same. He knew that so he broke my heart more by even knowing he didn’t have the same love for me. I tried to stay and make him love me but that’s the worst type of love. I needed him. To love me. It made me feel like shit for so long I couldn’t speak. He broke up with me I felt like my world fell apart. I couldn’t see the reality. He didn’t feel what I could feel he wasn’t capable of having the love I have.

I used to think those were things people tell them selves to feel better. But truthfully what is actually true. They aren’t in your life anymore so does the way they feel actually matter? You will never know how they feel because they don’t so what’s the use in figuring out. It’s been a waste of time one I needed though to get through the storm on the side of independence I went from serial dater/sex to being single for almost two years. I needed to go through nick. To see what it’s like to love someone who can’t do the same to break my heart. It did but in the end I got smarter.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary213

4/15-16/2024

monday - tuesday

my shift got put later, tomorrow, and it's still only 3 hours.

so i guess that's good. the people who manage schedules at work honestly seem so lost and it is so fucking annoying, one of my days off is just gone now, replaced with another meaningless shift to waste more of my meaningless life.

my gf did make today a lot better, she got me a cake, she got me chicken katsu curry, it was all good, then she sort of upset me bringing something up i don't like her talking about, something that happened at work that is funny but makes me basically dysphoric and i don't like hearing it talked about at minimum but it's not like she is really thinking she just wants to tell her brother a funny story it's like okay but i just felt bothered by it. i don't want to reproduce it here but i guess the gist is that a kid kept saying i look like timothy chalamet and whatever. it makes me feel not good thinking about it but what am i supposed to do. i guess a lot of people might agree. my gf's brother did, which made it worse. now she feels guilty, i don't know what to do about that. i just feel bad, it doesn't matter though, i told her it doesn't matter and it's fine and she shouldn't care how i feel. she just wanted to tell her brother something funny.

today at work, since it is a birthday place, a bunch of kids came in, and stuff, and it was their birthdays and i felt how totally and viscerally meaningless mine has been made surrounded by them, this is stupid and dramatic i guess and it's not even my birthday anymore so i can't even justify crying about it but i just felt so unhappy about the fact that i am like being used up like some kind of coal or whatever to fuel like, this very shallow joy offered to children, sit and spin on a ride, sit in cars and bump into eachother, gamble to win plastic shit that will be the only token that enables any memory of this place at all, there will be no stories, there will be nothing, a perfectly carried out rubric of events in an order you choose maybe but really are guided by architecture, a super-nothing, there is no memory possible of the place beyond some kind of vague location-based nostalgia for interiors and cheap design. do any of us remember distinct things that happen in chuck-e-cheese, or anything similar? i think only bad things and the rare few good things have more to do with people and proximity making it not be the place it is meant to be. all memory of places like this necessitates rupture. i am put to work to prevent rupture.

anyway i know i'm being like a baby or whatever. i shouldn't care. i shouldn't care, it's stupid to be so upset, it's so stupid though, i feel like extra upset because of it not even being my birthday anymore so it's like i can't even be really upset on my own birthday when anyone would be like okay with it. like i just have to get on with it, my time is on a conveyor belt i have no control i am deposited back into my life right as the day is ending, i get home late, i enjoy like an hour and a half of 'birthday' and then nothing. same same same same same same same after that and my gf will be nice to me but she can only take so much of me being annoying.

and i just feel hideous .

but not too much longer, not too much longer it'll be through, this job. i hope.

i just keep thinking about how i don't ever really know what i want. i at least tried to do things i know i wanted to do today, i had figured things i want to do outside that aren't just vague nothings, i always need other people to direct me. i wanted to go to a thrift store, i wanted to go to a restaurant, i wanted to go home. the one day i at least imagined was just impossible, it's just super impossible and pointless to want to do things, from where i am at least. i am just so used to having others decide for me, i just let my job decide what my time actually means. #lol.

but this is all stupid and so embarrassing, i really shouldn't even be able to think like this, but i am. isn't that horrible. it probably means i have some kind of personality disorder and should be executed or something.

unexpectedly, music is going okay i think, though. that is very nice i think. i figured out part of what is wrong with this one song is just the imbalance in the channels, i need to double the guitars, and then have the synths kinda sit over top, maybe put them back in the middle, that might be cool. it definitely makes the guitars sound a lot better to be doubled and panned like they are now.

am i just some kind of resentful little worm? i don't want to be. i want to be kind, and i want to be without ressentiment. i want to be better than this, but i just fall into this kind of thing, it's like giving up but worse, it feels so venomous and hostile, like it's just me turning into a cancer along my self, a terminal negativism.

i will probably have to make peace with working this song out better tomorrow but it's definitely a lot closer to what i want, i think, or hope. but i'm sure i can learn to be disappointed tomorrow and stuff all over again and over again and over again.

but i think it is close, honest, or this is at least the way to do things, and maybe some stuff needs to change in the song otherwise, like maybe make the low end of the kicks less loud or round? that seems like a good idea, other stuff along that path, maybe just by a tiny bit cutting more lows from the guitars? probably also a good idea. i think these are things to move forward w/ for this song, maybe also look into the unity gain thing i have going on and see what i can do to make that a little less punishing feeling.

anyway, i need to sleep,

and i do always feel less crazy after sleeping and tomorrow's a short shift, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!