#my goal is to read 50 books this year but i do not think that will happen bc i refuse 2 read books less than 400 pages skjdgbskjd

[obsob]

making and weaving and loving! like we have done for millennia!!

[blamemma]

truly a big book gal prefer 400+ rather than <250 but like....i got 6 weeks to read 8 books...preferably 10...to reach my goal so like....i love you short books i've never said a bad word about you i cant wait to pick u up xx

[cetoddle]

i’ve only ready 24 books this year but next year will be better

[leah-lover]

Entangled desires. Leah Williamson x Alexia putellas x reader.

Part 1

“ Fuck me!” You semi yelled at your TV.

“Only if you beg me for it.” Said your girlfriend with a smirk on her face. You were both laying on the couch. She was laying on your lap reading a book, while you were watching the Arsenal vs Chelsea game. Chelsea have just broke through the backline and scored a goal. In their defense the goal was pretty incredible, but you hated that your team got scored against.

“ I would love for you to fuck me amor but not now, I am too busy “ you joked. “You have been stressed for about 50 minutes now. I think you need a release.” She said sarcastically, The book is now laying on her chest. “ Mi Reina, this game is so important for my sanity right now.” you respond. She didn't talk after that, she just turned on her side, her head still on your lap. She put the book aside and focused on the game.

The rest of the match was pretty exciting. There were some missed shots from both teams, a goal from Arsenal, some decent shot blocks from the Arsenal defense, and just overall a lot of tension. Alexia stood up from your lap by the time the final whistle blew. She was alert and satisfied. You were more than happy with Chelsea's defeat since you were a die hard Arsenal supporter. As a result, in celebration, you kissed your girlfriend. The kiss was soft and filled with passion. You then pushed Alexia on her back, straddled her lap and kissed her hard. You didn't want any space between you two. You were hungry for her, needy for her, all you wanted was her touch. The adrenaline from the game took over your body. Suddenly, it all went away and was replaced by tiredness. “ It's okay baby it happens.” She confronted you because you pulled out of the kiss and sighed loudly.

“ I am so sorry.” You apologized. “ Let's go cook dinner instead. Then we can finish later.” She added, a small smile on her face.

At the dinner table you sat opposite each other. You were both comfortable in the silence.

“ That arsenal defense was really good today.” She said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah, most of them are lionesses, so they are pretty good.” You answer.

“ Leah Williamson, the center back, is the captain of England right?”

“ She is the captain, she also captained the team today. She is pretty good.”

“ She was excellent today, made some pretty good deflections.”

“ And?”

“ What do you mean?.”

“ Mi Reina, tell me what you think.”

“ Well she is kind of attractive I guess. If you tell this to someone you won't like your punishment.”

“ Baby relax,I won't. I promise. Now let's go finish what we started after the game.”

“ What do you think about her?”

“ Leah ? Well I agree with you she is hot.”

—----------------

Tonight was one of the best nights of the year. The fifa best awards. This night was special because you were being awarded the best female player in the world which made you very proud of yourself. You were also proud of your girlfriend who made it into the best starting 11 in the world along with you and a few legends of the game.

You and Alexia got ready in the same room. You decided on an emerald green corseted dress that highlighted your chest and your brown hair. Alexia decided on an all black 3 piece suit paired with a red lip and her hair down.

The day leading to the ceremony had nothing out of the ordinary. You did your media duties, got ready, and left for the red carpet.

You and Alexia looked like a power couple, all the cameras were on you two, two of the most awarded and talented footballers. The ceremony was no different either. Kelley Smith presented you with your award and you thanked the most important people in your life in your speech. You talked to a few people but that was it. All the fun started at the after party.

While you were at the bar getting drinks your girlfriend was far from you talking to some people.

“Can I get two vodka sodas please?” You asked the bartender.

“Can you please make that tree?” Said a British voice from behind you. You turned around to find that the voice was Leah's.

“ Vodka soda is the athlete's best choice of drink right? ?“ she asked.

“ I guess so.” you respond.

“ I am Leah Williamson.” She added.

“ I know who you are. You are pretty recognizable.”

“ Not as much as the woman of the hour. Congrats on your award by the way. Spanish football is lucky to have you.”

You blushed at her words, that's when your drinks were ready. You wanted to talk to her more.

“ Why don't you join me and Alexia at our table?.” You asked hoping to get a yes

“Only for a little while I have my own people to tend to.” She responded.

You proceeded to guid Leah to your table. On your way there you passed alexia who said goodbye to the people she was with to join you too.

“ Ale this is Leah williamson. Leah, this is my lovely girlfriend Alexia.” you introduced the girls.

“ It's very nice to meet you alexia. We should have met a long time ago.” said Leah

“ I am glad we met too. How are you finding the night.” said Alexia. You knew your girlfriend well to know when she is nervous and right now she was clearly nervous, other people wouldn't spot it very well.

“ it's pretty boring actually. This is the most exciting thing that happened tonight.” responded Leah.

Your relationship with Alexia was common knowledge. However, Leah was flirting with the both of you for the better part of the hour and a half that Leah stayed with you. Throughout this time you talked about everything from football to your childhood. Several compliments and flirtatious attempts were made by all 3 of you. Leah’s phone was ringing for most of the time but she didn't answer. She then got a text saying that her teammates left and that she should go to the hotel because the party venue was almost empty. You didn't realise the time that passed, you were too immersed in the fun all of you were having. You were sitting on a couch, Alexia’s hand on your thighs occasionally caressing them, and Leah sat opposite you on a chair.

“ I can't believe they left without me.” she complained.

“ Well they did call you several times but you blew them off.” you responded.

“ but still how am i supposed to talk to them and miss out a second with you two.”

“ You can come with us. We are staying at the same hotel right?” suggested Alexia.

“ yeah but I don't want to intrude.”

“ nonsense, consider it an extension of this lovely night.” you added.

You then got out of the venue. You held Alexia’s hand while Leah walked to your other side.

The car ride was quiet. “ I would kill for a burger right now.” you whispered in your girlfriend’s ear because you were nuzzled in her neck. She then ushered for the driver to change direction to the nearest fast food chain.

“ one quick stop before we release you.” you apologized to leah running you hand on her thigh quickly.

“ No, not at all. I really want this to go on forever.” she responded.

The car stopped, you got your order, Leah and Alexia got a meal too after you provoked your puppy eyes.

You were now blissful on the hotel floor, and eating your burger with Leah Williamson and Alexia putellas. You were focused more on leah than on your burger.

“ shit i dont have my key card. I left it with Keira. God i am such a fucking idiot. ” she said after she finished.

“ Don't ever say that about yourself.” said Alexia who was quieter than usual.

“ what she means is it's fine you can stay here. it's too late to wake her up.” you corrected.

“ No, I can't do that .” she said frantically.

“ Yes you can and you will. It's too late to do anything. Plus we can hang out more. And we can put it to a vote and we both want you here.” said alexia before taking the last bite of her burger.

“ Alexia I can't. There is something. I just can't.” she said before heading towards the door.

Alexia got up and stopped her by her wrist. “ Look, it's alright, stay. Please. “ she said softly.

“ alexia almost never says please.” you added.

“ There is this unresolved tension in me. I can't hide it anymore.” she added, now looking at the floor.

Alexia lifted her head up by her chin, and at that moment we were all nervous. We all shared a look with each other, then looked at the floor, then at each other again. The silence was deafening. We all were thinking the same thing. It was just the matter of who starts.

[daycourtofficial]

Training Day

Summary: you ask Azriel to help you demonstrate some moves for training and it very quickly changes things

Author’s note: yeah this one just took on a life of it’s own I guess? Anyway, it’s lots of fun

“Can I use you tomorrow during the demonstration?”

Azriel looks up from his paperwork. The two of you were working in the library, a place you find yourselves most nights. You both enjoy working simultaneously - whether you both have paperwork, research, or personal reading. Most nights were spent on a secluded floor of the library. You two are down here so frequently, Clotho has stopped asking you to return the furniture the way it was, just allowing you two to use this space as your own sanctuary.

“I need a body to use when I’m showing the girls how to defend against an opponent,” you elaborate, and Azriel can’t help but notice a faint blush across your cheeks.

Azriel chuckles, but nods. He can’t say no to helping the priestesses, and he certainly can’t say no to you.

You two return to your previous attentions - you to your book, and him to his paperwork, which he finds much less interesting than you.

It started by the two of you using a table and chairs to work, but you had complained about reading for so long in the chair, that you rearranged the furniture so a table was pulled up to the couch you two are sitting on.

These nights started with you two across the table from each other, and tonight Azriel feels your toes pressing against his thigh, trying to form an entrance underneath his leg. You two now sit on the same couch, more often than not touching in some small capacity. The most recent nights start with you toeing your feet against his thigh, until he eventually grabs legs, sliding you down the couch, and placing your legs across his lap, draping his arms over them. When he’s feeling extra bold, or extra sleepy, he finds himself drawing patterns on your calves with his hands.

-

“Goooood morning!” You chirp to the priestesses, Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel. Azriel left the morning part of training early to bring you up for your demonstration and to talk to the preistesses and Nesta.

They all looked tired and out of breath, no doubt due to Cassian’s training.

“You can all sit for my demonstration. That way I become your favorite teacher.” You smile, eliciting a huff from Cassian.

“First, I want to say that while Cassian and Azriel are great teachers, there is one aspect to training that they cannot grasp. They do not understand what it’s like to be smaller than most of your enemies, to be at least 50 pounds lighter than most of your opponents.” You glance around, and the priestesses seem to be receptive, so you continue.

“Which is why I’m here. Cassian can spend 100 years teaching you proper balance, proper techniques, proper stances. But those things mean nothing if you cannot contextualize what you need to take down an opponent.”

“So today, we’ll be doing a little walkthrough of a fight. My opponent will be Azriel. The goal for today is for us to walk through, step by step, of a fight, and win. So, let’s start by thinking: what are some things that I need to think about when I’m facing Azriel. We don’t know anything about him, we don’t know who he is. We know what we can see, sans shadows. Most opponents won’t have control over shadows, so I’m sorry, but you’ll have to sit the demonstration out.”

With that, his shadows retreat, looking as if they too were looking to sit and watch the demonstration. Azriel doesn’t think about the fact that he didn’t tell them to leave, that they listened to you, not even seeking his approval for the command.

“So, what do I notice about my opponent?”

Gwyn speaks up, “he’s much taller than you.”

Another priestess speaks up, “he’s unarmed.”

“He has wings.” “He’s wearing protective leathers.”

You interrupt them. “All good observations. He’s bigger than I am, unarmed, but protected. These are all important notes when facing an opponent. So, what should I do first?”

Someone immediately yells, “kick him!” You’re pretty sure it was Cassian, but you let it slide. “Where am I aiming my kick?” You ask to the crowd. “His head!” You hear Nesta call back.

“Do we think that is the best course of action?” They all nod, you’re unsure if it’s just because they want to watch you kick their teacher, but you swing your leg out, aiming for his head, holding it right next to him when you ask, “why would this not be the best tactic for me?”

There’s a pause, then Emerie speaks up, “your foot won’t make contact with his head.”

While still holding your leg in the air, mere centimeters from his face, you pull a small chocolate from your pocket and throw it to Emerie. “Correct! I can’t make perfect contact, is there any other problem?”

Gwyn yells out, “you’re vulnerable to be pushed!” You throw another chocolate. “Excellent! Yes, since all my weight is on one leg, he could easily” you prompt, alerting Azriel to his next move. He simply pushes you a little, making you lose balance, “make me lose my footing.”

You stand back up and brush the dirt off.

“If I’m going to execute a move that leaves me vulnerable, I need to be very sure that I can execute it. My legs are not long enough to do so. And our opponents will not stoop down so I can attack them.”

Azriel crouches just a smidge, where if your leg were still in the air you’d be able to connect it to his face.

“When the odds are against you in a fight, you need to even the playing field. Do anything you can to subdue your enemy. A tactic I use frequently is messing with their senses. May I?” You ask Azriel. He nods, curious where this is going.

“My height might be considered a disadvantage, but it allows me to move faster and with more ease than larger opponents like Cassian.”

He rolls his eyes, ready to retort back, but you’ve started talking again. “Showing this in slow mo won’t give you a great idea, and it’s a bit more difficult to do, but here’s what I do. I use my opponents height to their disadvantage.

You plant your right foot on his left thigh. “What do small creatures do? They climb. So I plant one foot on a thigh, and use momentum to swing my other leg onto their shoulder.” As you say this, you swing your left leg over his right shoulder, him holding your right leg planted on his leg so you can move.

“from here, I have one leg secured to a shoulder, so I use that planting to bring up my other leg,” doing as you say, bringing your right leg onto his other shoulder, your legs holding onto his shoulders.

Azriel can’t breathe with you so close to him like this. Do you have any idea the effect this is having on him? How close you are to his face, to his mouth? He’s dreamed of having you like this, pressing you into a wall while he devours you like it’s his last meal.

Your voice brings him out of his thoughts, reminding him of where he is. “From here, I bring both of my fists out wide, gaining as much speed as I can before coming down on my opponent’s ears. This impact will leave their ears ringing, and could disrupt their balance if done hard enough.” You mime the motion, but only lightly hit his ears.

“Then I grab their face,” you say, holding the right side of his jaw, “and I smash my palm as hard as I can into their nose.”

Azriel knew you weren’t going to, but he could think of no better way to go than at your hands while your legs are wrapped around his neck.

You start to uncoil yourself from him, and it takes all of his self control to help you get your feet back on the ground. You start explaining why jabbing a palm through a nose is a good idea. The priestesses didn’t seem to think anything of you being on top of him like that, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees Cassian’s shit eating grin. He glances in his brother’s direction, wanting him to knock it off before he scares off their trainees, but Cassian mouths the words “loverboy” to him, while kissing the air, before pretending he was paying attention to you the whole time.

-

Your demonstration goes on for a bit longer, you and Azriel having a pseudofight that the priestesses eventually walk you through how to win. You have him pinned to the ground, and their cheers are so loud you’d think you had slain a dragon instead of taking him down.

You’re positively glowing at their praise, and the fact that this method of teaching actually worked. Before he could grow too accustomed to your weight on his chest, you get off of him, offering a hand to help him up, which he gladly accepts.

“Thank you for letting me beat you up today,” you giggle, as the priestesses start heading back toward the library, leaving you and Azriel behind.

He laughs, thinking about his next words, “how could anyone say no to letting you straddle their face and pinning them down?”

Your cheeks are on fire. The two of you were something, you just didn’t know what. On top of spending most days together, you two flirted constantly, once prompting Feyre to throw you in a cold fountain to cool you off.

But flirting was words, and these words were based in real actions you took. Sure it was to show the priestesses some defense moves, and maybe you had some ulterior motives, but you can’t pretend you didn’t enjoy seeing his face between your legs, even if you two were fully clothed in a self-defense seminar.

You were done with flirting that led nowhere, and before you can think about them the words are out of your mouth, “so if I asked you to do it again, with less witnesses and less clothing?”

You physically watch him shudder, at first you’re afraid you went too far, but then he leans down into your ear and whispers, “don’t make offers if you don’t want to follow through.”

You two have been dancing around whatever is between you two for too long, you think. The gentle nights spent in the library, the constant flirting. You spend more time with him than anyone. You’re terrified to move forward, but then you meet his eyes.

They’re full of lust, yes, but there’s an incredible warmth there. A softness, reserved just for you. He always looks at you with delicacy, as if you held his world and too harsh of a stare would break you.

You grab his neck, pulling him down to you as you kiss him. The first thing you feel is his wings wrapping around you, providing you privacy from the world, even though you’re alone in the training area.

Your hands clutch at his face, and your lips cover his, moving in tandem, as if your lips have found the place they belong.

His hands grab your ass, prompting you to jump and wrap your legs around his waist. You’re so caught up in the kiss and the heat of it that you don’t even realize he winnowed you two into his room.

You hardly take note of the room, just taking in his smell, his taste, his warmth. You’re not sure how long you guys are kissing, thinking of nothing but the way his hands feel holding you, amazed you two are still wearing any clothes, let alone being fully dressed, when you hear a cough.

You two break away very reluctantly, to see a very smug Cassian standing ten feet away.

“You,” he points directly to you, “owe me $50. Pay up.”

“Now?” You ask incredulously, your hair moving as you whip your head to glare at the intruder.

“Yes, now. It’s my money, and I earned it fair and square.”

Azriel’s confusion shown all over his face, you covered your face in your hands while Cassian says, “I bet her $50 that if she had you help with her demonstration and got on your shoulders like that, you wouldn’t be able to contain yourself.”

“I- um - I didn’t know how to make the first move,” you say meekly, “and he seemed so sure of this working.”

You were so concerned he’d be mad that you manipulated this situation, but Azriel, while still holding you, tells Cassian, “I’ll give you $100 if you leave and don’t let anyone disturb us for a week.”

Cassian, always ready to make a quick buck, quickly agrees and scuttles out of the room, closing the door on his way.

“How do you go from not knowing how to make the first move to doing that?” Azriel asks, amusement shining on his face.

“Well, I thought my shameless flirting wasn’t getting me anywhere, so I had to take more drastic measures.”

He roars in laughter, and you can feel the vibrations through his chest. “You’ve always had my attention,” he says, looking at you the way a predator would, “but now you have my undivided attention. And I just paid a hefty fee to get us some time away from everyone.”

He wiggles his eyebrows at you as you giggle, holding onto him tighter, “oh no, a whole week with no distractions, whatever shall we do?” You ask, trying to sound distressed, but your giggles give you away.

“I think I stopped paying attention during your presentation, do you want to remind me again about depriving your opponent of their senses with your legs?”

You throw your head back in laughter, and he tilts your head down to capture your laugh in his kiss.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: January 2024

as long as I'm talking about The Gargoyle's Captive, let's discuss what else I've been reading this month.

Maeve Fly (CJ Leede, 2023) - I really liked this slender debut novel, which follows the titular Maeve Fly as she prowls LA like a homicidal alien, playing an unnamed ice princess in a certain theme park by day and indulging her murderous tendencies by night. Maeve is in a downward spiral; she's 27 years old and is preparing to lose her grandmother to illness and her only friend to a blossoming acting career. she sees no future for herself beyond losing the only two people she cares about and has no further goals, contenting herself with alcohol and porn while she rereads the same books, rewatches the same videos, and listens over and over to her playlist of Halloween music. Maeve is, it must be said, an abysmal loser, and I like her terrible melodrama a lot. I do think some of the hype is perhaps overstating the feminist credentials of this book; it sort of reminds me of when a college friend told me their favorite feminist movie was Suicide Squad (2016) because Harley Quinn was in it. Maeve talks a lot of big game about how women are always expected to have some tragedy to be deranged serial killers, while men are allowed to just do it, but it hit me as a little tryhard. there are a lot of books trying to be "the female American Psycho" right now - Eliza Clark's 2020 novel Boy Parts is frequently described as such - but it feels a bit too on the nose when Maeve's ultimate climactic rampage is directly inspired by a glimpse of the American Psycho novel. it's not that deep, but it is a gross, captivating read told from a fascinatingly cracked POV. check out Maeve Fly.

Laziness Does Not Exist (Devon Price, 2021) - yeah Devon Price is still following me (though my days are numbered, I'm sure) so it's a massive relief to say that I did like this book. Price has sort of become my self-help ride or die, mainly because a.) he's so much more self-aware than the average self-help writer that it feels kind of insulting to call him one and b.) he's actually dealing with topics that are relevant or interesting and providing actionable advice. while LDNE didn't engross me quite as hard as Unmasking Autism (while I am, famously, not autistic, I do believe in their beliefs, by which I mean I'm the token allistic among my close friends and I vastly prefer autistic company) it hit me hard in several unexpected pressure points. I'll happily admit that I can't relate to Price's interviewees who willingly work 50+ hours a week for jobs that hate them and are destroying their minds and bodies, but I still struggle to escape the perpetual sensation that a moment at rest is a moment wasted. It probably didn't help that I was reading this book while on vacation at my mother's, where I visited the beach almost daily and was so work-averse that we didn't even bother going grocery shopping because I didn't want to cook. and yet, despite getting dummy chill in some aspects of my life, I am still constantly possessed by a malevolent ghost insisting that I'm wasting my time and have never actually done Enough. maybe Price's next book, Unlearning Shame, will finally fix me; it's out in four days and god knows I'll be getting my hands on it as soon as humanly possible.

Patternmaster (Octavia E. Butler, 1976) - y'all know I love a messy political fantasy, and this is just... god, the absolute messiest. I thought Mind of My Mind was bad, but it turns out Mary's descendants are going to full-on reinvent feudalism with psychic powers, treating non-psychics as chattel and causing technological advancement to regress since they refuse to handle their problems with anything but psychic powers. and it's even got two brothers duking it out for the throne that will give them power over every bitchy psychic on earth! you love to see it. if I can be 100% honest I do think it's straight up bananagrams that this was the first book released in the series even though it's chronologically last; I genuinely cannot imagine caring enough to figure out what the fuck these people were talking about if I didn't have the previous four books for context. and even "context" may be generous; Octavia still has absolutely 0 interest in explaining what's up with the fucking outer space werewolves who are the psychics' #1 enemy. if I could have brunch with any person living or dead I would summon Butler up in a heartbeat to explain what the fuck her thought process was in plotting out this series over some mimosas, and I would take extensive notes on every word she said. an absolute genius and the uncontested queen of freak shit forever.

Thirsty Mermaids (Kat Leyh, 2021) - I purchased this graphic novel in November 2023 at a conference where I bumped into Queer Comics Peddler, my very favorite queer midwestern pop-up. running into them is always a delight, and this time I came with a question: could they give me a recommendation? the very nice people working offered up Thirsty Mermaids, which was the PERFECT companion for a long airplane ride. it's cute without being overly sappy, and avoids the trap of sacrificing a plot for the sake of checking off as many representation boxes as possible. the story is simple: three mermaids use a spell to turn into humans and go ashore in search of booze, only to realize in the morning that they don't know how to turn back. taken in by a generous bartender, they're faced with the reality of having to make money for the first time in their lives. hijinks ensue, but also a very sweet and warmhearted story about the friends looking out for one another as they try to figure out exactly where they belong and what home even means. also the artwork is GORGEOUS, with the mermaids' extremely memorable character designs being a real standout. if you're a graphic novel enthusiast, definitely check this out 🧜‍♀️

Sugar, Baby (Celine Saintclare, 2023) - Sugar, Baby came to me in a very similar way as Thirsty Mermaids: while visiting a witchy little bookstore that I was immediately charmed by, I asked the cashier what they would recommend. they offered up Maeve Fly (fab) and this novel, a stack of which was on the counter advertising an upcoming event with the author. neither have disappointed, so shout out to that one employee with the great taste! Sugar, Baby sees a young cleaner named Agnes, one of the only biracial women in her unnamed English town, befriending the daughter of a wealthy client and getting whisked away to her new friend's London lifestyle: crashing in an apartment with fellow models, staying out all night to party, and making money by going on dates with extravagantly wealthy older men. Agnes starts out having a swell time, but the cracks pretty swiftly start to form as she realizes how much more dependent she is on these men than her wealthy new friends and she begins to wonder exactly how much she's willing to diminish herself to get the bag. it's not a perfect first novel but it is a compelling one, a perfect airplane page-turner that crashes from glitzy to ghoulish and back with breakneck speed.

The Gargoyle's Captive (Katee Robert, 2023) - my full review is over on patreon for my darling supporters who want me dead (and picked this book in the first place, damn them to hell), but suffice to say this is a fun book to read if you like the sensation of your brain melting out of your nose, if you're really turned on by baby's first bdsm, you are not particularly concerned with trifling matters like "plot coherence" or "character motivation" or "writing that is complex and artful," and/or you've ever wanted to have sex with a dude whose penis is so big that you feel genuinely fear. also, hey, I forgot to include this in my patreon write-up so fuck it: Robert REFUSES to tell us what kind of food the protagonists are eating, ever. whenever they have a meal it's just "the food was placed on the table" "I took a bite" etc. drop me a HINT, man, come on! is it a protein? grain? starches? the only thing I know for sure that they're consuming is wine and a single marshmallow, and god does it show. it's just a very weird and distracting omission and it's absolutely not the worst thing about this book but it is a hill I'm willing to die complaining on.

[ashstfu]

4,5 14 and 24. Ily btw <3

4. movie of the year

THE HOLDOVERS

5. tv show of the year

SUCCESSION

14. favorite book i read this year

dostoevsky’s crime & punishment + kitchen by banana yoshimoto ❣️

24. did i keep any resolutions

i don’t do strict new year’s resolutions but i did write myself a list of 23 goals. of them i’d say i absolutely accomplished 4 and made progress on 8 of them which i think is a win!! the ones i did were read 50 books, read more nonfiction, let my hair grow, and get into pottery!

[redmyeyes]

Dear Hawk, (chapter 4, on ao3)

                                   Jan 21, 1969

Skippy,

What did you write me? What does Lucy know, and how long has she known it? At least tell me that, before I humiliate myself confronting her.

Are you blackmailing me into honesty? I’ve never lied to you. Omitted maybe, but never lied. Not about anything important.

Here’s a truth. I turn 50 this year. The last time we saw each other (before the last), I was the same age as you are now, which is unsettling to think about. It feels like an eon has passed, and yet I'm frozen in place.

I keep waiting… for things to start making sense. My life. The choices I’ve made and what they’ve led to. Always in pursuit of that “goal”, and now… not only do I not know what the goal is anymore, but it feels like every single day is a step in the wrong direction. I am treading water. Barely. Seeing you again made that painfully clear.

You asked me once if I liked my life this way, and I thought I had it all figured out. The goal, the plan, the path to freedom. How is it that I'm eleven years ahead of you and still running to catch up?

Skippy. This is the fifth letter I've started. The others were full of misdirection, innuendo and half-truths. Let this be honest enough. You already have me stripped to the bone.

You do know me. I wonder if I ever knew you, or just the person I wanted to see. So much about you surprised me, when we saw each other in November. My memory of you has stayed frozen in my mind. Instead, you’ve changed, you’ve lived, and I’ve found myself cursing those lost years. We've missed so much. We don't have to keep missing it.

Tell me about — anything. Your mentor. How you met. Your time in Seminary. Your life now. What you eat for breakfast and what time you sleep and what you’re reading. I don’t have faith in the prison library, so name something and I’ll send it. I want to know you. Everything about you. I miss you telling me about your family, even if I was too distracted sometimes to listen.

Yours.

p.s. I’m sending this along with the book you “loaned” me ages ago. Consider this a loan in return. Keep it safe, I expect it back.

[badnewswhatsleft]

really interesting section from a podcast with patrick and sean o'keefe talking about the importance of harmonic structure in songwriting

choppy transcript below cut (patrick's sentences are unclosed loops with like 40% filler words ok /affectionate forgive me)

EL = Eyal Levi (host) SO = Sean O’Keefe PS =  Patrick Stump

(Story of recording harmony vocals for Knockout at 14 years old)

[00:28:50] 

PS: […] And the thing is too - for me that was like the coolest thing, because all I wanted was to have some capacity to influence the harmonic structure of music. Like, I was never - I never wanted to be the lead guitar player, I never wanted to be the star of a thing, but when I was playing drums, I didn’t get to be any… Like a bass player can change it from the root to a suspension, right, and that’s so much power that a bass player has! A drummer, you can change a lot, but you never really impact the harmony, the harmonic structure - and that was like the coolest thing for me, like someone was finally letting me do that, and I was like, “Sure, I’ll stay here all night!” I think my mom was like, “Where are you?!”

EL: Interesting. I just wanted to say, you’ve been talking about harmonic structure a lot, one of the things I wanted to talk about, just in my notes, was about melody writing, and obviously without great harmonic movement and structure and getting that right, there’s not gonna be a good melody that can come of it. So was that the goal?

PS: Oh, yeah! And it’s so funny, because - I know you know this, I know we all know this, because we all work in music and it’s like beating your head against the wall - no one even on the periphery ever gets that! It’s always like, melody melody melody, and you’re like, the melody is the least important thing, really! I mean at the end of the day, and I know that sounds ridiculous, but the melody is entirely dependent on what’s happening around it. And even what’s implied, so even if you have a - I was thinking of that Zombies song where it starts off, and it’s just a lead vocal solo - so much of what makes that vocal work, even though it’s a solo vocal, is the implied harmonics of what’s happening, what you’re being led to believe the chord structure is - is what moves it. So without the harmony, the melody means nothing to me. And that’s always one of the things that I get really frustrated with - it’s one of the reasons why I kinda quit the songwriter-for-hire thing, because when you’re in a songwriting session, you’re with somebody else, and I’m like, what are the hard things to do? I think the hardest thing is to find the lyric because, especially in pop songs, that’s the thing everyone walks away remembering. That’s the hard part really. Um, the groove? That’s, like, the other thing - there are songs, terrible songs, that have a good lyric and a good groove and everything else is awful—

EL & SO: [sounds of agreement]

PS:—that work! Very successful songs that have a great groove and a really solid lyric and garbage everything else, right? So you’re already most of the way there. But every time people would be like, melody, melody, and they start humming, or something, and I’m like, don’t do that! Don’t even be tempted to do that! Figure out the rest of it first, and then it’s like… It’s almost like writing dialogue. I read a screenwriting book one time, and they talked about like - dialogue = the fun part, do that last, because that’s the hard part, you have to earn that, kind of. When you’re working on it, you know you can write the dialogue, you have to build the story first, you have to build the - whatever - you have to build the framework of what your characters are gonna be interacting in. And that’s how I think about melody; melody is the fun part, get to that last, because if you don’t have the backbone of the song, your melody doesn’t matter at all, you know?

SO: That’s awesome.

EL: And you can just - not to trivialise great melodies, but that’s the part you can improvise, and emote, and (PS: Yeah!) get inspired over, but you’re right, without setting the stage for it, it’s nothing. And it’s the same not just with vocals, but with great guitar solos. Like that Hotel California solo (PS: Yeah!!) would not be what it is without that harmonic movement.

PS: No, no question, and I think that’s one of the things - I also think it’s a problem as a singer, with vocals, is that people don’t really tend to think of vocals as an instrument, they don’t tend to think of it in terms of what it’s doing melodically within a harmonic structure. Even I, when I started, I found myself - I was on a record with Neal Avron, who produced us after we worked with Sean; and I was in the booth for something. And there was a passing note - I can’t remember - it was just in between two notes, I had this little run. And he was like, “Well what note is that? What note are you trying to hit there?” And I’m like, “I don’t know.” And he’s like, “You should know.” [laughs] You should have a plan for every thing your voice is doing, should be a note. Even if you’re doing some sort of portamento thing, you should still know exactly where you’re starting and where you’re ending.

SO: It’s interesting how a lot of singers sometimes don’t know that. And I don’t mean it in a bad way, but like—

EL: They really don’t.

SO: Yeah, it’s interesting, sometimes if I’ll be in a studio where the singer’s having a hard time, I’ll ask, “Can you play that on the piano? Do you know that melody?” And sometimes it’ll take them a while to find it. But it’s cool, at least I’ve seen times when they do find it, and they make some connection, and it’s like, “Oh holy cow, these are just like…”

PS: No, I mean it’s a huge part of it. In fact, on Take This To Your Grave, there’s a moment - maybe it’s on Where Is Your Boy? I would love for it to be on Where Is Your Boy, ‘cause that was such a landmark song for us in recording. But, there was a harmony that I was working on, and I kept kinda singing it out, and you were like - it was a three part harmony, and my first part layered really well. But then my second part, I kept going into… This kind of rubby 7th, or something, or a unison somewhere - I can’t remember what it was. And you said, “Patrick, go figure it out in triads.”

SO: Oh really?

EL: By “rubby”, do you mean that it kinda just hit you the wrong way? Something doesn’t jive?

PS: Yeah, it was just rubbing wrong, it was just sounding wrong together, and you were like, “Go sit at the piano and figure it out in triads. What are you playing in all the vocal parts?” And I was like, “Ohh, oh, this—” It was something like that, where it was a 7th or a 9th that - when you sang it as a melody, because I was thinking of it as a lead part, when you sang it as a melody it sounded really cool against the chord structure, but with what’s already happening in the, you know… You know what it was? I do remember this, whatever it was, it created a minor 2nd in something the guitar was doing.

SO: Yeah, is that right?

PS: Yeah, so it was like, well just don’t do that.

SO: Let’s just not do that one. [laughs]

PS: Let’s just not do that. [laughs]

EL: So you said you were untrained, but obviously you’re… not untrained… Where did you pick that up?

PS: Um, just kind of watching and listening. And I have kind of studied a lot, especially since I’ve been doing the scoring thing, you kind of can’t… Even though I know a lot of guys who get away with it, just with, “Well, I wrote it in Logic and this is what the thing is.” You still - you know, you hire strings, and they have questions that—

EL: Yes, they do.

PS:—that you can’t really answer if you don’t really know what you’re talking about. So I have had to study a lot. I probably learned more about the terminology for music theory in the past three years than I did the entire time I was working on records, you know. But it’s one of those things too, where a lot of it makes sense. That’s the thing, I think, that’s scary for a lot of people about music theory, is that it sounds so strange and scary, but then you’re like, no, no no. It’s like Howard Hanson’s concept of dissonants and consonants, where it’s like, dissonants are just the ones that sound funny next to each other, that’s all it is. And sometimes you want that, sometimes you don’t, that’s all it is. And you know that implicitly, everyone knows that, even if you don’t really understand music, you know — like the Twilight Zone theme, you know that those notes are rubbing against each other. That’s the intended effect, that’s what it sounds like.

[adventuresasmrsfindley]

December reads 📚

It's no secret that Addie LaRue was my favorite. Still can't get over that one. Nameless Girl was so bad 😂 it was one I picked up on my first library trip when I had no idea what I was doing. So glad I got that sitch under control this month! Stillhouse Lake was my last read of 2023 and it was just okay. I hated the ending.

I read 37 books in 2023. I didn't read anything for the first half of the year so that's not too shabby. My goal for 2024 is 50 books and I think I'll be able to crush it.

I love this little hobby that I've picked up and I love sharing it with all of you!

[misguidedasgardian]

The Lifeaters (I.7)

VII. Matches

MASTERLIST

Chapter Summary: You resumed the semester at Hogwarts

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: Cursing, magical objects, Mugglephobia, classism, other things, pretty tame so far, might miss some warning but I think you know what this is about… 

Wordcount: 1.9 k 

Notes: I'm already writing thongs for the fourth year and what’s to come, I’m excited for you all to read it! jeje anyways these are like filler chapters

You had mixed feelings when you found yourself back in the hallways of Hogwarts, on one side, it was a school, there were classes and assignments, but on the other, it was Hogwarts! It was amazing! 

You resumed your classes with normalcy, but it wasn’t until after the first class of potions that you truly started feeling nervous again, of being caught by Snape even if you weren’t doing anything. It was like when you come face to face with an Auror, you weren’t doing anything, but you felt incredibly nervous regardless, he could grab you and throw you into Azkaban, that is what it felt like to be in classes with Professor Snape.

But you kept enjoying the rest of your lessons, like History of Magic, (that made everyone snooze) and Defense against the dark arts. Weeks went by amazingly fast, and before you even realized it… it was already February, and another very interesting thing was about to happen… 

It was a Ravenclaw VS Slytherin match! the second match of Slytherin and the third in the season! 

Draco, Blaise and you loved to see the matches, but the rest of your group didn’t care much for them. But you still made them attend with you.

The vibe was completely different from the first match against Gryffindor, it was Ravenclaw that they were playing against, and watching them flying in perfect lining was a bit boring, but… the Slytherin played playfully and tauntingly, making the Ravenclaws scratch their heads constantly

When they scored 30 points your throat was raw by the screaming you were procuring, and it didn’t help that you found Terence Higgs to be really cute, making your cheeks feel heated despite the cold. 

“I have my eye out for the captain though”, giggled Pansy, you frowned, Flint was a good player, but he was a bit… unfortunate looking… but you could see the appeal as you saw him flying through the air. The Quidditch uniform certainly added some appeal you thought gleefully 

He searched for you after scoring and waved at you, making Pansy clutch into your arm giggling in your ear

In half time you were winning by 50 points, and Draco wouldn’t shut up about beating Gryffindor for the Quidditch cup, you still had another game with Hufflepuff, you could still win!

The plays you had helped design were actually working! and they started again scoring and scoring, Given, the Ravenclaws also scored a couple of goals, but it was all over anyways when Terence Higgs caught the snitch, making you giggle and smile dumbly.

He was a third year? second year maybe… with blonde hair and big blue eyes. 

There was a party in the common room after the match! all of Slytherin was there, chanting and applauding for our winning team, who of course, were the stars of the celebration

“Next year, those are going to be us”, promised Draco with a smirk, and you couldn’t be more excited, as you jumped and chanted Slytherin! Slytherin! Slytherin! It was so electric! the atmosphere! 

You were enchanted.

But all good things must come to an end, as that day, and the weeks continued as normal

You hang out in the library with your friends, Daph, Draco, Goyle, and Matthew, working for an assignment for History in Magic, you had to choose a famous Wizard or Witch from the middle ages to do some work in, Daphne and you of course chose Morgan Le Fay. 

The boys though, chose instead to take another book, not even remotely related to the task in hand… it was a small book they found regarding mischievous spells, more than jokes and the sorts

“Look!”, Draco giggled, “the leg-locker spell!” 

“That’s a good one”, laughed Matthew, you thought it was going to end in that, but then, Neville showed up, picking a book probably related to the same assignment

“Don’t”, you warned your best friend, almost reading his mind. But he didn’t listen, he, Matt and Greg followed Longbottom outside of the library where Mrs Pince wouldn’t see them

And they cursed him

Poor Neville had to bunny jump away, scared, as Draco came back to his spot, laughing

You looked at him disapprovingly

“Did you see how he just jumped away?”, Matthew laughed, “a good spell that is!”

“I don’t know why you have Neville so much”, you mumbled, but he didn't answer

“You are so mean”, muttered Daphne, but you both sharing looks decided to keep working in your assignment, it was supposed to be you 5 doing it, but you were doing all the job as they played and mocked

But Draco had a change of heart, and grabbed one of the books you had selected

“I don’t know why we went for Morgan and not Merlin”, he said, bored

“That is what happens when you don’t help in the process”, you warned, and he nodded and shrugged, “please search her date of birth”, you asked, “Daphne and I are searching her best accomplishments”

“Sure”, but Gregory and Matthew kept playing jokes and mocking Ravenclaws passing by.

The very next month, a few weeks later, you were in the Quidditch pitch yet again, but this time, to watch the Gryffindor VS Hufflepuff game, you wanted to make sure Gryffindor lost, or really, you wanted to see it with your own eyes, and the tactics they were going to use, and also the Hufflepuff’s, Slytherin’s last game of the year in three more months.

You could not convince any of your friends except Greg and Vince, and of course Draco was there too.

And to more of your dismay, you got seats in the Gryffindor box, behind Weasley and Longbottom, Potter’s biggest fans. 

Draco couldn’t help it, it came to him naturally. As you tried to focus on the game, he was focus more on the conversation happening in front of him. 

Ron whined in pain as Draco had poked him to get his attention

"Oh, sorry, Weasley, didn't see you there", he teased, you only rolled your eyes at this, trying to focus on the game. "Wonder how long Potter's going to stay on his broom this time? Anyone want a bet? What about you, Weasley?"

But Weaslet didn’t answer, he just kept watching the game, and you too, to your surprise, Snape was referring, you had never seen him doing that before, and you guessed that’s why the redhead looked so worried, almost constipated.

Your headteacher hated Harry, even more so than Draco, and everyone could see it, especially in the Potions class you shared with the Gryffindors.

But as you thought about it, he threw a penalty at Gryffindor, after one of the Weasley twins tried to him him with a bludger, but that had been a blatant fault. Granger standing right in front of you, looked worried too, and wouldn’t take her eyes off of the Professor, rather than looking at her friend.

It was easy to spot Potter, who had spotted the snitch and started pursuit. You cursed yourself for being distracted, you needed to be watching the Hufflepuffs and their strategies, but it was becoming an interesting game

"You know how I think they choose people for the Gryffindor team?", Draco asked you then, you barely looked at him, trying to predict which hoop the Hufflepuff keeper was going to try and protect next.

But Snape blew his whistle again and threw another penalty in favor of the Yellow and Black team, that made you smile, because there was no cause for it.

"It's people they feel sorry for”, he continued after nobody asked him what was on his mind, “see? there's Potter, who's got no parents, then there's the Weasleys, who've got no money -- you should be on the team, Longbottom, you've got no brains.", Goyle snorted a laugh, even though it was a little mean

But Neville, in front of you, turned around, with a strange determined look on his big green eyes, he turned to Draco

"I'm worth twelve of you, Malfoy," he stammered. you opened your mouth, surprised, but you were happy for him, clearly his Gryffindor friends were egging him on and you admired that.

But Draco found it even more entertaining, as he and Crabbe, and Goyle started laughing. Weasley barely paid attention to his friend’s bravado, as he muttered a simple: "You tell him, Neville."

"Longbottom, if brains were gold you'd be poorer than Weasley, and that's saying something”, alright, you had to admit you laughed then, Draco’s answers where always so quick, it seemed like he prepared them beforehand 

Ron Weasley, who was watching Potter like a Hawk, turned then, very angry

"I'm warning you, Malfoy… one more word…”, he started his threat

"Ron!" called Granger suddenly. You followed her gaze and Potter went into a quick dive, chasing the snitch, even though you couldn’t see it

The crowd started cheering, everyone standing up and calling for Harry 

Granger stood up too, blocking your view of the…biased-speaking spectacular play that Potter was executing.

He was good, you had to admit… but you wouldn’t, not outloud 

"You're in luck, Weasley, Potter's obviously spotted some money on the ground!" said Malfoy.

That is when the Weasley turned angrily, and before nobody could stop him, he grabbed Draco and threw him against the wood planks in the floor of the box. They started wrestling. Longbottom jumped over the seat to help his friend 

You only took a step back as you wished to keep watching the game, and you were getting tired of Draco bullying everyone 

"Come on, Harry!" Granger screamed, moving so much that you had to do contortions to watch around her

You both remained oblivious to Draco and Weasley, wrestling on the floor. But you did payed attention when Neville whimpered, he had gotten in a scuffle with Goyle and Crabbe. it was a knot of fists and legs, it was almost chemical.

You thanked Merlin that there wasn’t any teacher present, or you would be punished. 

But fortunately they were interrupted, when Snape blowed the whistle, indicating that the snitch had been caught, by none other than Potter

It was the shortest game ever! like ten minutes or so, it must be some sort of record

You saw the black haired boy, his hand clasping the snitch raised up high

He was good alright… 

Everyone cheered for him, the stadium erupted in chants and cheers and applause.

Now, you would admit that you felt a little jealous, you wondered what it would feel like, to be a Quidditch star, and you really wished you could see what it was about, next year if you managed to get into the team.

 leaping onto her seat to watch as Harry sped straight at Snape -- she didn't even notice Malfoy and Ron rolling around under her seat, or the scuffles and yelps coming from the whirl of fists that was Neville, Crabbe, and Goyle.

Draco had lost the squaffle and the Gryffindors had won, so he was not happy at all, as he stood up from the floor and managed to see Potter being raised in the air by his teammates, and you in turn were preparing yourself for another rant about Potter.

[imbusystudying]

2023 goals review + goals for 2024

I had a couple goals for this year, so let's see how much I accomplished!

Read 50 books ❎ - I read maybe 15 tbh 😭

Win the school round of the english competition ❎ - I came third

Win the school volleyball tournament ✅ - wasn't only my work though, it was my whole class

Straight As on both my report cards ✅ - I am actually really proud of myself

Honestly, this year definitely humbled me. I started out with such ambitions, reading 1 book every week... But right after the beginning of 2023, a bad depression hit me, it was the lowest point of my life so far. I was so su1cidal, and in march I started $h. I honestly still don't know how i kept up the good grades 😭. A couple months after, I developed an 3d. I literally had no motivation to do anything for a couple months. So maybe I didn't read fifty books, but I recovered from an 3d on my own, from $h on my own. On the other hand, to not be just negative, I lived some of the best moments with my friends and family. I don't know if this is weird to say, but I think that without my mental health problems i wouldn't bond with my mom as much. I genuinely made some relationships with her. So even if this year wasn't the most productive, or the best, it still had it's moments that I'm forever grateful for! 💕

Now, let's leave this year behind, and let's focus on the new one! Here are my goals for 2024:

I play beach volleyball, and every other week there are tournaments, and I would like to be at least 3rd in one of them

Log my books, write down all that I read, and idk at least 20 ish

Straight As this semester, next semester 2 Bs at most (on my report card)

Be in the regional round of the history competition

Be in the district round of chemistry competition

Be at least third in the school round of English competition

Workout once a week, for at least three weeks of the month (gotta start light, I always overwork myself and stop working out after like 2 weeks)

Hopefully this is not that ambitious, and at the end of the year I'll review it again, but if you are setting goals too - don't forget, it doesn't matter how much you got done, it matters what memories you made and if you had fun! Don't sacrifice time with family for good grades ❤️

[whatifwekilledgodandwebothgirls]

Alright alright im done crying now and since i did a book review of the symposium im doing a book review of alcibiades so buckle up . Yes , i am aware no one cares about this , but its fine . First i gotta say this is marginally worse than the simposium but in a woerd way . Its still good , dont get me wrong , but i like the symposium better . I dont know if its just because i like long peices of text , which the simposium had but this one lacks , or because its simply lacking in content . The messeges are alright , nothing shocking so far , very aproachable , very understandable very easy . You can tell its written with a goal to educate people of all intelligence . Its an easy book thats what im saying . Now

This decked me in the face with a steel chair

( trans: i belive , son of clenias , that you wonder despite the fact that i fell in love with you first, im the only one who continues to while the others have left , and continiusly pester you , while all these years i havent even greeted you )

Right off the bat , this is very different from the simposium . We are getting explicit proof that alcibiades and socrates are in a romantic relationship. First i thought that the book was imidietly worse that the for stating it so obviously, because i quite liked the ambiguity in the simposium, but then i undertood that the two books , despite being difrent , complement eachother perfectly and present a natural chain of events.

First off all in the simposium it is made clear that alcibiades got rejected because he had nothing to give to socrates besides hollow beuty and socrates had nothing to give to alcibiades, since the knowlage he belived he had wasnt real ( one thing i know i know nothing and so on so forth ) . Now we are getting a more in-depth explanation as to how they ended up together despite that little talk . Basically from what i gather since socrates doesnt like being a teacher because he doesnt know shit he used the maieutice ( or however the fuck its spelled ) because he belives that to gain knowledge one must first undertand that they are lacking it and second ask themselves questions to try to get it . He didnt think he could give knowlage to alcibiades then because he didnt think alcibiades desired to learn . He couldn't make him a good man , but he could later help him grow and learn so he could make himself a good man , all of those things needed alcibiades willing to put the work in , and not relay on socrates to just snap his fingers and turn him good , like he expected in the simposium .

( trans: speak , my dear , and i will listen)

Now the word for word translation is a little different. That little " ωγαθέ " litterally translates to " good " , but since both men use it generously and plenty throught the dialogue, i can only assume it was a common pet name of the time . Its worth noting that calling people good ( καλε μου , καλη μου ) is also a pet name in todays greece , or maybe 50 years ago greece , that ive deeply assosiated with posh , high class very polite ladies and gentlemen. I dont know why but ive only heard it used in that uper society politeness, and when i first read alcibiades saying it it fit like a glove

Socrates also tends to pamper alcibiades with compliments all throught the text , and making a lot of attemts at flattery , which i think serve the purpose both to showcase that socrates is an admirer of beauty, to show that goodness and virtue are to be praised , but also because he is being so unbelivably annoying that without those little compliments to keep him on his good side , alcibiades would have puched him in the face . He calls him brave ( also tranlated as virtius ) beutiful , smart , beutiful again , like a bunch , and overall slaps a pet name next to his name any time he mentions him

( trans : no , by our mutual friend zeus , who protects both me and you , in whose name i would take a fake vow . If you have such teacher , say it )

( trans : by zeus i didnt ignore it , but i knew clearly i was being wronged )

Now zeus is mentioned a lot in this text . Thats not entirely true . Zeus is mention a lot by alcibiades in this text . In the instance socrates talks of him , he uses an epithet and not his actuall name , praises him , and very clearly states the importance and nessecity of the vow . He is being very cerful and very poilite. Alcibiades just short of does whatever . He contantly says by zeus , for no aparent reason , and as an awnser to anything and everything , just casually sprinkles it i converastion. Now im not sure if this is blashemy , or if im just entirely mistaken , but its really highlighting the fact that alcibiades doesnt cae and never has cared much about being proper to the gods. It reminded me of that one line from the simposium, where alcibiades vowed something to possidon for abseloutely no reason and socrates hot mad at him in a very casual way , in the way he would scold a ten year old for having candy before dinner . He knew alcibiades saw blasphemy as a part time sport , he was used to it and he didn't bother yelling at him much , since the act was bound to repeat its self regardles . Similarly here , alcibiades very casually and normally takes gods name in vain , for no serious reason , and socrates is too used to it to react .

And finaly , the wholy grail

( trans : socr :you will speak to them ( the people of athens ) and this , which is right ?

Alc: i have to )

Socrates asks alcibiades if , later in the week during his political speach , when he adresses the people of athens , he will talk to them about matter that are moraly right and wrong . To me , this is the most crutial part of the dialoge , this is the backbone of the wntire consept and the translation does not do this justice . He asks if he will speak of right or wrong , and alcibiades replies " ανάγκη " . " i must " i have too " or more litterally " out off need "

Now at first i was confused when i read alccibiades , out off all the people in the world , talking about wanting to be morally good . Alcibiades has always been a cunt . He is a genuengly horrid human being . And then i thought about it a bit and realised that when he is speaking to the people , he really is not. Reading a single speach of his that thucides has written and tgen comparing the image he portrays with his biography makes my point obvious . He uses morality to get what he wants constanly. In sparta , whils convincing the king to provide his shelter he didnt go the petty route , even if he could have . He didnt go the " i hate them and want revenge " route . He could have pulled it off . But he didnt attempt . No , instead he made himself apear virtius , apear good , saying he is just trying to regain his home , painting himself as a wronged man who is trying to undo his enemies wrongdoings . He used moral superiority to convince constantly and then turns around and fucks someones wife , because in privet he has abseloutely no need for morals .

Need is such a strong word . If you dont get what ypu need you will die , the fact that the author chose that in particular is inane to me . This is the part when it bacame obvious that alcibiades doesnt care about goodness , but cares a whole lot about greatness . He doesnt care about morality , but he would do anything to be gonsidered a great leader and get power . Socrates made sure he understood that to be great you first need to be good , but in turn , alcibiades understood that goodness is a tool for him to use to get what he trully wanted , a means to an end , not a final goal. He cannot reach true power without being good , and so he is forced into a road of virtue that doesnt fit him . He is a camilion in this instance , like plutarch called him in his biography , he puts on a virtus persona so he can gain influence and get things his way , even when later admiting to his true nature , to the fact that sometimes to him moral acts are not desirable , he frazes it strangely , never completely addmiting to it ,saying its improper to share such thoughts . He is the pinical of diplomacy, he used morality as a sield and as a front , as is visible in his later life in which he convices people to act on whats right and then privetly acts like a complete degenerate .

Now do i think that in some part he actually desired morality just for the sake of it ? Yes lf course , but its very obvious from the way he was raised that socrates failed to convince him to desire it for himself , not just for his work as a politian

[judaicsheyd]

I saw a post on how Lilith and Lamashtu are connected, what is your opinion on it?

I saw this post, and I quite liked it, although I do have some comments.

First, I'd like to point out that the only academic paper I have found (and the only one that is cited by online sources, like Wikipedia and everything else that mentions Lilith within an article on Lamaštu) is "The Transformations of a Goddess: Lillake, Lamashtu, and Lilith" by Wendilyn Emrys. This work has not been peer reviewed, and its author has not yet received a doctorate. Skimming through the document, I can say that its writing is much more casual than your average academic paper. However, it is fairly thorough. I would like to also highlight that its author when out of her way to read an unnamed book on Lilith at a Jewish charity event, citing not-so-great reactions to that as results of Judaism being highly oppressive and "putting extreme constraints on the simple joy of sexual love between partners". That's the most important thing I want to highlight.

The first paragraph of the post is highly important, highlighting the closed nature of Lilith, her Jewishness, and the fact that Lilith is not a Mesopotamian goddess. Too many gentiles love to gesture wildly at the Burney Relief as "proof" that Lilith was some sort of Sumerian goddess as if it hasn't been well-known for ~50 years that it has absolutely nothing to do with Lilith.

The post does synonymize Lilith and Lamaštu slightly more than I would think is accurate, because they have become separated by hundreds of years of separate development. It is not incorrect to think that they are related in some way, as the evidence does absolutely point to such. I also think that boiling Lilith down to the "Jewish version of Lamaštu" is too much of a blanket statement. That's my biggest "issue" with it, but it's not that big of a deal.

I appreciate the non-Jewish "alternatives" to Lilith that are given (i.e.: figures that are actually what gentiles are looking for in Lilith), and it gives a very good rundown of said figures.

That's about it! The post is doing what it's meant to, and I appreciate its goal. I hope I could provide the info you were looking for.

[mediocrelanguagelearner]

Time spent on languages in 2023

Time for my classic summary of the previous year.

In 2023 I spent the first 5 months working on my thesis, which luckily included reading Swedish texts sometimes. After finishing my degree I felt a bit burned out and a couple of months passed before I felt like studying languages more actively again.

Compared to other years, I didn't do bad – I spent roughly the same amount on languages as I did in 2019 and more than I did last year.

In 2023 I spent (around):

158 hours on Swedish

50 hours on Spanish

118 hours on German

326 hours in total.

This graph shows how much hours I spent on each language during the year. At the beginning of the year I was reading German books during my lunch break and commute to/from work. The insane increase in Swedish in December is me trying to finish reading my Swedish books.

My most productive month was December (35 hours) and the least productive was January (with less than 18 hours).

In Swedish I watched Julkalender, the movie One More and a couple of episodes of Historien om Sverige. In Spanish I watched maybe a season and a half of Gran hotel, the series Valeria and the movie Hasa que nos volvamos a encontrar. And in German I watched the series Liebes Kind and Kitz. I think I didn't spend as much time watching/listening than I used to.

I managed to read 5 Swedish books (Stadserien) and 3 German books (Liebe geht durch alle Zeiten), which feels like a miracle to me since I've always hated reading in German.

As said, I didn't listen to my languages a lot – except for German! I've been listening to Easy German Podcast almost daily, only about 10 minutes a day, and my Spotify Wrapped tells me I spent around 37 hours listening to it. I almost didn't speak in my languages. I didn't spend time recording myself and I spoke only a couple of times to other people (in Swedish and German), but only briefly.

For a couple of years now I've been wanting to spend more time on German, which I've been spending the least amount of time on. This year I managed to reach that goal and ended up with more then double of last years time.

This is time spent on individual languages compared to other years. I didn't do a lot for Spanish this year and it shows. I also feel like the covid years 2020-2021 were an anomaly where I had a lot of time to spend on languages and now every year will feel like not enough, compared to them. But I'm stil very satisfied with the time I was able to put in this year, since I had so much going on – uni-wise and energy–wise.

Time spent on languages in 2019, 2020, 2021 and 2022.

[the-algebra-thing]

god. god. this book is off the fucking wall. listen to me rn.

book two of the original percy jackson series introduced one of annabeths most integral character traits: hubris, or in broader terms, pride. and while it was perfectly functional to observe how this affected her from outside, we get our first look into her point of view in the mark of athena. this is huge for several reasons; we've already seen percys point of view, the old main character, for 5.3 books. annabeth is the only other main character that carries over in importance to the plot and to us into heroes of olympus. we get to see the internal workings of the mind that has orchestrated at least 50% of the successful gambits pulled off in the entire percy jackson universe so far. the longer the book goes on the more we are drawn in by her skill and ingenuity. literally everyone in the goddamned world looks up to this kid, and we come to understand even better how right they are to do so.

her challenge in the mark of athena is, by design, one she must ultimately pursue alone. it gets hyped up the entire story and we finally get to it when she separates from the last member of the group two thirds of the way through the book. she uses all the tools she's proven herself to be in command of to get all the way to the final obstacle, and then it cuts off terrifyingly and we leave her point of view for several chapters. when we come back, she keeps going and pulls off the greatest trick of her fucking LIFE by exploiting arachne's weakness: pride. then, when she's succeeded and she's home safe—she doesn't know it, but we even know that her friends are coming to pick her up—she pulls the most fucking CLASSIC blunder in mythology EVER. she rubs it in. it almost feels out of character until you remember that youve only been tricked into thinking annabeth is op as hell, and this is actually one of the most in-character moments she's ever had. arachne is stuck in her trap, subdued, and annabeth is so mad at her for fucking with her family for so many thousands of years that she spits acid about her clever trick and how athena will always triumph over arachne in every way, every time. arachne is so fucking mad she has a fit and manages to use her silk and her command over her children to try to kill both of them and bring annabeth down with her to stop her from winning athena's ultimate power back. it eventually leads to annabeth dragging her best friend in the entire world down with her into tartarus.

the themes previously developed throughout the book through characters like octavian and hercules about demigods not being immune to the vices of the gods that cause everyone so many problems all crop right up to bite you in the ass with incredible force. you finish the book, and they achieve their goal of recovering athena parthenos, and they fall into real, actual hell, and it is devastating, and it is exactly what the entire book spent so much time and care telling you was going to happen. when I started the mark of athena a few days ago I got the feeling that the two times I had read it previously, it was my heroes of olympus favorite, and it is proving its place so fucking successfully