#my husband was so fucking cute but alas you will have to mostly take my word for it

[softdedue]

GUESS WHOS A MARRIED MAN

[zimathan]

In celebration for @dibothy​ and I’s marriage, I’ve made a Draw This In Your Style for everyone! :D Details, bonus images, and more under the cut!

Fun fact, this was meant to be a 2000 followers on tumblr DTIYS! I just, uh... couldn’t finish the original arts. I am now up to 2600 followers, SO, UH... BIT LATE. But!!! Today, the day this is being posted, May 30th, 2022, I and my fiance, @dibothy​ have officially been married - so it is the BEST time to finally finish an attempt at this DTIYS and post it for the masses!

Forgive me if anything’s a little weird, I’ve never hosted one of these.

RULES - Happy Pride Month! This DTIYS will be hosted from May 30th, 2022 until July 10th, 2022. (A happy birthday to my husband, too, since it’s ending on his birthday!) - Pose changes, outfit changes, design changes - they are ALL welcome! The ONLY requirement is that it is a wedding between Zim and Dib! This is (alas) a ZADR only DTIYS! - While I know it’s a DRAW this in your style, I know a lot of wonderful writers exist in the ZADR / IZ community - so we will be accepting both art AND written submissions! ;w; - All submissions on TUMBLR OR INSTAGRAM should be tagged with #zimathanDTIYS! Very important step! (Also, feel free to TAG ME @zimathan​ so that I can see anything, just in case tumblr fucks up and I can’t see something!)

PRIZES A big disclaimer on this bit - I struggle with art at times, and it may take me a while to complete a prize! So long as you guys are respectful and patient, I am absolutely okay with creating prizes for the TOP THREE that @dibothy​ and I choose! I hate having a tier list, so each prize will be the same for the three that we pick! Which is... -drumrolls-...  A full colored piece! You can pick the style (of mine, posted within my art tag) you would like the piece in, you can have UP TO four different characters within said piece, and I will treat the art like a commission! Meaning I will give updates, show progress, and try my best to keep you in the loop! :D (Also, as a note, I am a person with limits, so please be kind, understanding, and respectful if I need you to give me another prompt or idea.)

BONUS CONCEPT ARTS For inspiration, mostly, I’m going to post a few uh... attempts! At finishing this DTIYS!

1-2. My first attempts! I got very far, but it was originally a two-part DTIYS. Very cute art, I just left it sitting too long and forgot how to finish it. <3

3-4. My attempt at a redraw for the original two! I like them both, I just couldn’t motivate myself to finish them! It’s okay, though. :3

5-6. The original concepts for Zim’s dress, and the more Updated tm version of Zim’s dress!

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 13: ...O-OH?

it’s the night of the big stream. y/n uncovers a strange, albeit deep, bond with charlie. corpse interrupts her garden date with sykkuno quite unceremoniously. tensions are high as ever; proximity chat reveals internal monologues and stray thoughts. y/n’s “batshit insane” energy affects everyone. this is, quite literally, the best game of among us bretman has ever played.

─── corpse husband x reader, sykkuno x reader (if you squint, it’s very one sided)  ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 6.1k oops ─── ❥ reqs: sum people requested some interaction w bretman + jealous corpse + flirty sykkuno

author’s note: guys....GUYS WE’RE ON THE 3RD “OH” hope ur excited cus i am!!! this was rly fun to write, but then again, everything is better than writing an essay lmao! this is extremely chaotic and a bit seggsy but like a minuscule bit u wont even notice it i swear xx there’s not much social media in this one, mostly written lol. as always lmk wat u think n thank u for all ur kind words n sooo manyyyy ideassss!!! love u lots

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous. ҉   next.

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It’s happening, you think, picking the discreet, angelic white color for your astronaut - with a halo and all, truly, you are a seraph that stepped through the gates of heaven and descended onto earth to grace these morals with your presence...quite literally, you’re not only donning white in game, but also in real life, cute as a button or more like as a bunny. Cat girls are overrated - cat boys, on the other hand, you’ll ardently defend till your last breath - but bunny girls...Safe to say, your chat had been going feral. Your endless ego is fed well. You even swore on your heart that no devilish trickery would follow in this game - you had left your snake ways behind you.

No one believed you. The Roaches know you too fucking well.

The influx of new subs, however, do not. Look at this cute girl! She wouldn’t hurt a fly! You chuckle at the compliments. At the exact same moment, Rae pipes up on the discord call, “Y/n is leering and cackling evilly. No one trust her.”

Demon woman herself must be watching your stream before starting her own. You pout, all adorable and innocent, but your eyes gleam slyly. Truly, a mastermind of manipulation! Look at you go! The chat is swooning. The viewer number steadily climbs past 16K and you hum happily, welcoming all that decided to join your little clan, “Don’t listen to Rae. Wifey is mad because I said I’m not bringing her back a souvenir. Well guess what, bitch, I’m the gift.”

Your perfect image does not quite align with your tone, nor the affectionate nickname you call your roommate (bitch, not wifey). The new viewers are none the wiser though, just like your new stream mates.

There is laughter from people you don’t quite know. The lobby is almost full, but not everyone has trickled in yet.

“Filing divorce papers right now.” Rae mumbles, but you hear the smile in her voice. It makes you crack a grin, too. 

More hello’s and shy introductions to the people in the lobby. Sykkuno’s green astronaut pops in with a upbeat, “Hey, everyone! Hi, Y/n!” as his character circles around yours. A collective awww echoes in your stream chat as you, quite breathless at the wholesomeness, reply with a “Hi! Hi hi!” as well.

Corpse is next to join, mysteriously ominous. The discord call is pure chaos, everyone screaming over the other variations of his name while stressing different syllables. Silent as a grave, he just stands there, his black astronaut seemingly eyeing everyone in the lobby. 

Alas, when the noise dies down, he utters, “Whaddup, baby.” and it’s pandemonium all over again. You are screeching/laughing along with the rest. His astronaut swiftly glides to Sykkuno, still circling around you, “Hey, Sykkuno.” He says. The latter abruptly stops. The game hasn’t even started, and already - betrayal! Sykkuno starts circling around Corpse now, leaving you in the dust.

“Hey, dude!”

“Yo,” You interrupt, “I’m like here too, yeah?”

“Fight, fight, fight!” Pokimane jeers. You can’t see her, but you’re certain she’s pumping her fists in the air. 

“Let’s leave the bloodshed for the game, yeah?” Dream offers past her laugh ridden urging.

“No, fuck that, let’s start this shit right now,” Charlie declares - his monotone is strangely pleasant to the ear, and you lean back in your chair with a thoughtful hum. Something about his energy just clicks with yours instantly, but perhaps you’re judging too quickly- “Got my fucking knife ready to slit some throats. You can all pretend you aren’t ready to kill on sight, but that’s not me. I’ll teabag your dead fucking body.”

-yeah, no, your initial estimate had been correct! What a pleasant surprise, you feel like you and he will get along beautifully. 

“Way to be subtle, Charles.” Rae snorts.

“Subtle doesn’t make an interesting game, Rae,” He’s quick to bite back, “and if I’m Impostor, you bet your fucking ass I’m going after you first.”

“Noooooo!” She shrieks, rushing to your astronaut, which is still just standing there, abandoned, like the equivalent of that one emoji, “Y/n, protect me.”

“Of course, baby.” You purr. 

There’s mumbling in the discord call, though it’s barely audible. Corpse seems to be repeating the word to himself: Baby...Baby?...Baby...

“You’re gonna stab me in the back the first chance you get, won’t you?” She questions, already painfully aware of the answer.

“You know it!”

“Finally, someone that’s not fucking cowering in their boots and flaunting their real nature.” Charlie says, “Y/n, form a Big Dick Alliance with me.”

“Oh for sure, man.” You agree immediately, trailing to his in game figure, “Let’s show these virgins how it’s done.”

“This is going to be a mess, isn’t it?” Sean’s voice rings with a cheerful laugh, making you flustered. Yes, you’re actually playing with THE JacksepticeyeTM. You still haven’t fully wrapped your head around that part, “I’m very excited to see where this will go.”

“Nowhere good.” You say with unparalleled sincerity - every word you speak to him, the icon, the legend, the one of the few youtubers you actually actively follow, must be genuine. You doubt you can lie to him. He’s too good of a person. You admire him too much. Stuck between wanting to be a shady bitch and an absolute saint, you refrain from addressing him more - you are simply not worthy.

its the y/n trying to act like a normal person in front of jack for me

ikr she looks ready to join the monastery

each day we stray closer to gods light???

Your viewers are snide as always. Gosh, you love them.

The last player pops in, fashionably late, “Hey, y’all.”

“Hey, Bretman!” The call choruses somewhat harmoniously.

“Hi, daddy.” He’s speaking to Corpse now, a smile in his voice - you can hear it even past the static of his atrocious mic. Your eyes widen, eyebrows shooting up. Your friends are cackling, but confusion refrains you from doing the same - were you not the only one Corpse offered, seemingly so long ago!, to be his sugar baby? 

One betrayal after the other. You’re glad for the Big Dick Alliance. The name has a nice right to it, too. 

Corpse laughs, “...Hey, Bretman. How are you today?”

Damn, two sentences for him, but not even a word spoken to you!? You’re already scripting a very melodramatic paragraph you will text him after the stream. With poorly masked discontent, you mutter, “Wow, thanks for such a warm welcome, Corpse, my day’s going great, yeah, loving the company.”

“Now now miss girl,” Bretman chimes, “we can’t be all daddy’s favorite.”

“Careful,” Charlie drones, “I think you just got yourself onto Y/n’s shit list.”

“Right next to Corpse Husband and Valkyrae.” You agree, “Sykkuno!” You suddenly call him.

“Uhm-Uh-Yes?” Is his nervous reply.

“You’re safe.” You state coldly, “For now.”

“You are not going after Sykkuno on my watch.” It must be a belated holiday miracle because Corpse finally decides to address you. His words seem to awake something in him, “Hey-Hey-Hey-” He swiftly glides to you, standing right next to your minute virtuous angel, “When are you coming back to Cali?”

corpse stop acting weird challenge

literally omg lmao

he does bring up a good point y/n y u not in cali yet?!

^pack it up corpse simp he disrespected the queen when he didnt say hi

“Back off, buddy,” Charlie interjects, “this spot is for Big Dick Alliance members only.”

“I’m never returning.” You inform him, your voice cold like the Arctic snow, and the look in your eyes is no kinder. You feel like you’re having a stare down through screen. 

Silence stretches. Is this an intimidation tactic? Because if it is, it’s a paltry one. Your conviction to be petty is stronger than any vulnerability you might feel.

“Then I have nothing to say to you.” He admits and fucks right off with that. Fine, go join Sykkuno and Rae in their little corner of betrayal! Friendship ended with Corpse, now Charlie is your best friend.

“Okay, guys, guys, guys-” Toast, noting this is going to spiral any minute now, tries to catch their attention, “Let’s start?!”

You look into your camera, and the roaches know what you’re thinking. You’re twins like that, communicating telepathically. You are taking back your tender promise of not being a conniving bastard. It’s fucking on. You will destroy everyone in your path, starting with the guy you have a stupid crush on - maybe?! Feelings are confusing, you’d rather just not think point blank period.

With no objections from the cast, the counter ticks away seconds and, for the first round, you’re stuck as CREW MATE.

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Charlie is a gift. Truly, you had not expected such a sudden, wonderful relationship to bloom. How have you not known of him sooner?! It’s a crime that you hadn’t spoken to him earlier. You are a 100% certain if you had found him before you started streaming, he would’ve been a big inspiration. 

The two of you do your silly little tasks and curse like sailors, commenting about this and that thanks to proximity chat. You wouldn’t have been able to stand the claustrophobic silence if it was just a normal Among Us game - to think, missing out on all his foully worded quips! It almost springs a tear into your eye. He’s just as unhinged as you.

worried about this dynamic 

its a trainwreck lol i love it plz collab more plz

Caught in a headed discussion in Electrical - TikTok trends, or audios specifically - you defend the app the best you can. Charlie thinks it’s super cringe, and you insist it’s part of the charm as you connect wires.

“I mean, have...-do you know that one audio, the one that goes, like,” You’re spilling your words, heated, frustrated that he’s so dismissive of the app that literally saved 2020, “it goes like, uhm,” You clear your throat, prep your voice - even take a sip of your favorite drink. Drawing the syllables, you try your best to make it drop an octave - it must sound like you’re doing an atrociously bad and nauseatingly scratchy Corpse impression with an extra dramatic flair, “My assssssss, your cockkk, you do the mathhh.”

“Did-Did I just-” You freeze hearing Corpse’s voice, finally done with your task. Charlie is muffling his laughter behind his palm; Corpse’s astronaut stands in the doorway, “What the fuck did I just walk into?” He seems genuinely confused, though a strangely winded. You’re mortified. Your shoulders are shaking. You look at the stream chat but it’s going too fast for you to follow. Manic laughter bubbles in your chest and you squeeze your eyes shut, mouth split into a toothy grin, lowering your head and trying to hide the blush dusting your cheeks.

“Hey? Guys? What the fuck are you talking about?” He questions again.

“Honestly?” Charlie chimes, “No fucking clue. TikTok, I think. Ask Y/n.”

You can’t reply. You’re crying. You cover your face with your palms, muttering a soft oh my god before bursting into a full blow laugh, throwing your head back, the motion accidentally knocking your headphones off.

“Y/n.” Corpse calls you, “Fuck was that?”

You’re howling. Your stomach hurts. There are literal tears in your eyes. You think Charlie might be laughing too, but you can’t really tell over your loud screeching. Hastily fixing your headphones, you wipe away the tears stuck to your lower lashes, heaving, “S-Sorry, I-” You stutter, breaking into another fit of giggles. Corpse patiently waits you to calm down. Catching your breath, you start again with a sniffle, “TikTok, yeah.” You idly fix your hair, trying to bite down a smile, “It’s an audio.”

“What- What kind of videos are you watching?”

“The good kind.” Your reply is instant, merciless, “Also, why are you here? We’re having a BDA meeting, you know.”

“I-I...” He trails off, “I...I heard people talking and...I just came here to check it out, but...I’m regretting it.” There’s a lilt in his voice, and you know he doesn’t regret jack shit. You bet he’s smiling. You wish you could see it.

“Bitch, then leave!” You huff. You aren’t sure what is with him today, and you don’t want to stick around and find out - his playfulness makes your stomach flip at the most inappropriate times! Like when you’re trying to sound threatening. You must retreat posthaste, “No, wait, I’ll do it for you.” You say, brushing past his character. Charlie follows after you.

“Dude, you’re so fucking lucky neither of us are the Impostor because you’d be deader than I’ve been feeling since I was 10.” Your favorite companion comments. Charlie is truly a modern wordsmith. You’re pretty sure you adore him, because you’re nodding your head, so quick to agree with him that even you’re surprised. 

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A meeting is called. You spare a glance at your fallen crew mates. They will be missed. Sean most of all, God, why does heaven always take the good ones?! The game feels emptier without him, even if you really only passed him once on your trek to Cafeteria with Charlie.

You may or may not have been avoiding him, afraid you’d accidentally say something horrible and he would hate you. It’s a silly fear, though a deep one. And with Charlie keeping you company, you had not uttered a single objectively  good, or even coherent, sentence. Your parents can’t watch this stream once it’s uploaded onto your Youtube channel. They know you’re barely keeping it together in most of your videos, but here, now? Yeah, no. Charlie is already hard to listen to on his own for sensitive viewers, and hearing you agree with literally everything he says with your own chaotic ideas? Your dad would stumble into an early grave.

Mom probably wouldn’t mind too much, but you’d have to explain your relationship status again. She is under the assumption that everyone you collab with is your significant other. You’d say it began with Sykkuno, though the exclamation of “Finally! My daughter isn’t pathetically single! We need to celebrate.” had started with Rae. Truly, a scandal.

Speaking of which, Sykkuno is gone, too, but you had time to mourn him already. You found his body roughly ten minutes ago; so torn with the fresh agony of heartbreak, you could not do anything else but cry. It was Charlie, bless his heart, that reported it.

“Someone killed Jack,” You say, voice dripping with venom, “court is now in session. I’m ready to vote the fucker out.”

People speak all at once. Toast roars over them, “ORDER! ODER IN COURT!” as he slams his hand onto his desk repeatedly. That seems to work, though briefly.

“I think it’s Y/n.” Corpse says. You stare at him, hand gripping your heart, mouth falling open in surprise.

flame him

corpse boutta be a corpse fr

beat his ass queen!!!!!

“Pardon my french,” You grumble, “but nani the fuck?!”

“It’s definitely Y/n, I found her and Charlie conspiring in Electrical. Surrealist experience of my fucking life, but it’s definitely her.”

“Dude, we’ve been over this,” Charlie sighs, shushing Rae who was about to comment something - knowing your luck, it was probably in favor of the man throwing you under the bus, “we would’ve snapped your fucking neck the moment you walked in. But we didn’t.”

“Yeah, we didn’t.” Corpse notes, “I said nothing about you, I’m just saying it’s definitely her. She probably didn’t kill in front of you because of your stupid alliance-”

“Someone sounds salty because he wasn’t invited.” Pokimane snickers.

“-or possibly she did tell you and you won’t betray her for the exact same reason.”

“That’s some big brain logic you pulled there, genius,” Charlie says, absolutely unimpressed, “sure you didn’t have an aneurysm trying to connect all of that together?”

“Well,” Rae pipes up, “Y/n and Charlie did say they will kill right before the game started. If you ask me, it’s not unbelievable. And Sykkuno was sorta on the shit list.”

“I’m writing down your name twice, Rachell.” You spit.

“Not helping your case at all, Y/n...” Dream worries, “And Rae makes a good point. Charlie and you have professed desire for murder. I’m just saying! It’s a bit suspicious, you know?”

The next words to leave Corpse’s lips sound incredibly smug, “See?” He drawls.  The pressure is getting to you - you don’t understand where this beguiling talent of his to convince literally everyone comes from, but it doesn’t inspire any confidence. Your fist suddenly feels incredibly lonely, so useless - oh, how you long to swing at him, “It’s definitely Y/n.”

“I dunno...” Toast mumbles.

“It’s Y/n.”

“Corpse-” You try, but he's ignoring you - shocker, as if he hadn’t been doing that from the very start of this stupid game - and chanting your name like it’s a fucking mantra or something, a smile in his voice, knowing, relishing in the fact that he’s grating on your nerves, “FIRST OF ALL,” You scream into the mic, successfully cutting him off; catching your breath, you exhale, and continue, calmly, lowly,  “get my pretty name out of your mouth.” 

There’s a pause full of tense silence. 

Then, there’s a sound, seemingly stuck in the back of his throat, “...O-Oh...?”

“Second of all,” You continue, words like honey dipped in arsenic, “This is the clearest smear campaign I have ever witnessed. By how hard you’re trying to frame me for fuck knows what reason, I’m led to believe it’s you that killed them. You’re the Impostor.”

“Corpse wouldn’t kill Sykkuno, though.” Rae comments, skeptical.

“Then the other Impostor did it.” You counter.

“Maybe you’re both Impostors.” Pokimane chirps.

“Y/n would never betray the Big Dick Alliance like that.” Charlie states.

You grin, “Charlie, I literally love you.” 

“Wait hold up now,” Corpse seems to get his bearings together, “what’s this about love I’m hearing?”

“I have none for you, dick.” You snap, flipping him off. Your chat cheers. While he can’t see it, you hope he senses it through the screen, “I officially hate you.”

“No, wait-”

“Boo, Corpse, you suck.” Toast laughs.

“Y/n, please-”

“Let’s all vote for Corpse Husband, okay?” You say it like it’s his full official name with an encouraging smile and multiple soft nods. Sykkuno can’t be here to nod, so you’ll do it for him. You eye the rapidly decreasing timer before clicking on Corpse’s figure and voting for him. The VOTED icon instantly pops up beside your adorable astronaut.

“Baby, I-” It slips past his lips so easily, as if he’s not even thinking about it, like it’s only natural to call you that and a spike of anxiety shoots up, making you glare. It’s only halfhearted. You try your best to ignore the rapid and uncoordinated pulses of your heart. Replace unwanted feelings with anger and hate - works like a charm, every time.

“You are not allowed to call me that.” You hiss. The chat spams snake emojis. 

“Wait-” Bretman chimes, “Hold up, y’all, slow down a minute. Why does Corpse never call me baby?”

“Yeah!” Pokimane agrees, “I want to be baby, too!”

Pokimane may not have been called baby, but you just single-handedly decided her nickname for her - Target 4. Welcome to the shit list, she is officially your public enemy number 1. You aren’t sure why the thought of Corpse ever referring to anyone else as baby makes you sick to your stomach (you actually do know why, but brain no think at the moment), but you wish this whole conversation never happened. You don’t like it.

20 seconds left. More VOTED icons appear by your friends. Corpse is the last one to cast his ballot at, you assume, you, as the rest wait for his quick explanation before everyone (or not) returns to the game, “...Because she’s my baby.”

Goodbye. Life had been sweet, and there was sorrow, though the amount of embarrassment you feel now is worse than when the internet found your cringe worthy high school pictures on your mom’s Facebook. It’s a mixture of dread and excitement - the pleasure of being noticed, cherished even, though anxious from vulnerability. Someone is screaming a very prolonged “WHAAAAT?!”, or maybe multiple people are, you aren’t sure, your ears start to hurt from the loud, conflicting cacophony of voices as you stare blankly at the screen. You received two votes, just like Corpse, Charlie got one, the rest skipped. With no one flung out, you all find yourself back in Cafeteria again.

Baby. My baby? My baby. My baby. The sentence is playing ping-pong in your mind, reverberating louder each time. You’re actually speechless for the first time in your life; your chest hurts, your heart beating so fast your hands start shaking. Had he meant it? Or was this a some joke? Was he trying to get a rise out of you again? You might just go insane from so many questions. My baby. Holy shit, this is a heart attack, this is what a heart attack feels like, dear God, you figured you at least had ten years before you get one!

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First round ends with IMPOSTORS raining victorious. Your sixth sense had been working wonders since, true to you previous estimate, it had been Corpse. His companion was Pokimane. For absolutely no reason what’s so ever, you change her name once more from Target 4 to Target 1. Normally, you’re all for girls supporting girls. Men don’t deserve anything, really, but now you’re so flustered and still reeling from what you are 80% sure was cardiac arrest that you genuinely don’t care about your established morals.

Round two starts without much deliberation. You get CREW MATE again; the game must sense your growing bloodlust, making sure that once you do get IMPOSTOR, you will not hold back. True power is granted to those who are ready and strong enough to wield it. You wait for your moment with bated breath.

Charlie is taken from you too early. The two of you were once again caught in a discussion - God knows about what, Minecraft, hentai, oh! your server! - as you tried to card swipe for the umpteenth time. The lights blew out and you just knew one of you was getting murdered there and then. Charlie’s voice abruptly cut off, and you think a part of you died with him.

It’s a cold meeting; with your new best friend being the first to go, everyone decides to skip. You proclaim you seek vengeance. When the meeting comes to an end, Sykkuno is the first to offer his condolences.

“I’m sorry, Y/n.” He says, and while he’s not in Brooklyn, you somehow feel him patting your back. You feign a sniffle.

“There’s nothing to apologize for...” You murmur sadly, “Unless...” Your voice turns sharp as the knife that was surely twisted into Charlie’s back, “It was you?”

“NO!” He exclaims, “I would never-you gotta believe me! I would never kill him. I know he’s important to you. I wouldn’t do that, I swear.”

“He was like a brother to me.” You admit, solemn, “Charlie, if you’re haunting me right now, know I will avenge you. I will not let this go.”

Sykkuno hums, circling around you, “Hey, I have a task in Greenhouse. Would you, uh--Would like to, uhm, join me?” Despite the shaky start, he finishes on a firm, pleasant note. He’s trying to cheer you up. Having lost your closest friend, he’s offering you his company. You accept with a soft smile and a cute “Yes, please!” and he releases an airy little laugh. The two of you make your way to your favorite place in map MIRA.

It’s difficult to stay sad for long when Sykkuno’s so sweet; the atmosphere of the Greenhouse is strangely calming; your problems seem to be left behind the shut doors. If you tried hard enough, you could imagine being in an actual Greenhouse - the warm, damp air clinging to your skin, the unmistakable smell of earth and vegetation, the pleasant silence broken only by yours and his hushed voices and clumsy footsteps.

The two of you are talking. Mainly about your choice of attire. Cat first, Sykkuno ponders aloud, doing his task as you watch the plants grow, now bunny, what’s next? You affirm that you will most likely dress up in cow-print next, or as an adorable sheep. He laughs, admitting you’ll look good in anything before he trails off. His awkwardness is really endearing. 

“Or!” You chirp happily, content with being locked away with him for the whole game. The idea must be playing in his mind, too, because he seems in no rush to leave, “I could, like, dress as someone from My Hero Academia. I watched the stream you did with Stella, the one where she made you look like Todoroki. It was really cute. You were really cute.”

“Oh, uhm-well, uh, thank you, thanks, I, uhm-” He clears his throat, and despite his stutter, you hear the smile in his voice, “I-I think you’d look better, though. Not as Todoroki. Or, probably as Todoroki, too. But, uhm, what character are you thinking about?”

“Maybe Momo?”

“Momo!” He yeps, “Momo is good. Yeah, she’s great. You’ll-uhm-you’ll look amazing. Really. Momo is awesome. Very pretty. Just like you.”

You are blushing. A stupid, toothy grin makes your cheeks hurt. Your eyes flicker to the chat, but again, it’s going wild. Giggling, you thank him for his sweet words, so giddy it’s honestly embarrassing. Why can’t you stop smiling? This is incriminating. You hide your lips behind your palm.

“...What’s this?” Corpse question. You had failed to note his sudden appearance, too busy gushing. “Am I interrupting?”

“Hey, Corpse!” Sykkuno greets. For someone so awkward and shy, he sure is good at hiding it when he wants to. Perhaps it’s all an act and you had been deviously tricked! Probably not, but you can’t help but narrow your eyes suspiciously, finally able to calm down. You definitely underestimated him, you just haven’t figured out how yet, “Not really! Y/n was sad Charlie died so I took her here.”

“You interrupted our date, dipshit.” You deadpan. 

“...Fuck you say?” Corpse dares, his voice low and somewhat menacing - for someone who exclusively portrays his emotions through only his voice, he’s incredibly hard to read. This is payback. Your love for wreaking havoc resurfaces suddenly. Serves him right for pulling all this ignoring shit at the start. Maybe you’ll make him say oh again.

Your sly smirk is promptly wiped. Fuck. He said oh, he literally said oh out loud. The Teruhashi fangirl in you is screaming. You had been so caught up in defending yourself you didn’t even register it at first. Alarmed, you look at the camera, then at the chat. First oh, then my baby. There’s no way he had been teasing you, and this proves it. Holy shit. You mouth the words “HE SAID OH!” for your audience only.

now she notices

snail pace baby we’ve been loosing our shit for the past hour 

corpse x y/n saikik au enemies to lovers 500k words slow burn im here for it

opening wattpad rn^

Your heart races in your chest - it might be considered an Olympic medalist at this point; flustered yet again, you wish you could cave into yourself. You should’ve brought your bright blue wig with you to Brooklyn. Turns out it would have been perfect for this stream. Yes, yes thinking about unnecessary details always works in distracting you from the butterflies throwing a fucking rave in your stomach. 

“I guess it is a date!” Sykkuno admits, “Kinda after a funeral, but still.”

Corpse hums. You’re still too stunned to say anything. The black astronaut with adorable cat ears approaches Sykkuno. 

“It’s not.” He states. Your mouth falls open in shock as your date, your companion, the Shoto to your Momo is murdered in cold blood right in front of you. His lifeless body, cut in half, lays on the tiles by the growing flowers, right beside you, “You didn’t see shit.”

“...I didn’t see shit.” Is all you can utter, breathless and terrified.

“Thaaaat’s fucking right, baby.” Corpse coos, “Now I’m gonna report it, and I’ll say we found Sykkuno together. Better stick close to me after the meeting, got it?”

If Sykkuno is Shoto, then Corpse is definitely Dabi. 

why is that kinda hot tho omg

didn’t know i needed dom corpse since now but i do

y/n looks like shes boutta throw up lmao 

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You follow him around like a lost puppy - because what else is left for you to do!? You’re helpless in this situation. He’s got you in the palm of his hand, successfully eliminating everyone you had previously interacted with. First it was Charlie, then Sykkuno, even Sean, who said hello in passing, was shot instantly. Real Sangwoo behavior. You almost want to scream warnings at everyone to not approach you. You cannot mourn another lost crew mate, you don’t think your conscience can take it. But words fail to form. You’re too weak. You fake cry to your audience. They’re quick to remind you to stop acting like a little bitch.

“Mean.” Is all you say, eyeing the comments.

“Hm?”

“Was talking to the roaches.”

“What are they saying?”

“That I should betray you.”

“...Better not.”

A shiver shoots up your spine and you half believe he will bust down your door and drag you into his basement for real. A nervous laugh slips past your lips, “I won’t, I won’t.” You reassure him, “Don’t worry, I’m sticking with you. I haven’t seen shit.”

“I like that you listen to me. You always this agreeable?”

“You’re kinda not giving me a choice right now.” You grumble, vending yourself a drink while he looms behind you, protecting you. From who?! Himself?!

“Oh my fucking God, finally,” Bretman exclaims, “girl, I’ve been running around the whole map trynna find someone, is everyone like, dead?”

You’re scared to reply. Corpse does it for you, “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, maybe? Not sure. Where have you been?”

“Oh you know,” Bretman grins, “doing tasks, talking shit, the usual. You two are not, like, Impostors right?”

You shoot a look at Corpse, but he obviously can’t see it. Biting your lip, you murmur, “Nope.”

“Just your regular crew mates doing regular crew mate things.” Corpse says, no, purrs. Because that’s not suspicious at all. You’d recommend Bretman to run, and not only because that sounded shady as fuck. But he seems to enjoy danger, or he just doesn’t care.

“Hmmmm, crew mates, sure. Miss girl Y/n,” He’s addressing you now; you smile anxiously, “How come every time I see you, you’re with a different man?! Like damn, leave some for the rest of us, for real!”

You like Bretman. You like his high-pitched whine and drawl. You would like him even more if not for the complex situation at hand. You fear for his life. Chewing at your bottom lip, you snicker, “Sorry, Bret. I can leave you Corpse if you want?”

He laughs, “Girl, I’d say yes so fucking quick, but I know he wouldn’t want that. Normally I wouldn’t care, but y’all are such a cute couple it’s making me not want to be a shady motherfucking bitch. Changing my ways, embracing the lord. Love it.”

 Corpse doesn’t correct him that you are, in fact, not dating. His lack of reaction unnerves you slightly. Does he...? No! No think! Only exist! You catch that train of thought and steer it away from forbidden territory. Looks like it’s up to you to clear the air, and that is exactly what you do after trying to swallow down the lump in your throat, “Uh, we’re not together, actually. We’re just really good friends.”

“Bitch, then move over,” Bretman says snappily,”go like, back to your other boyfriends. Or find another one. I think I saw Dream near Navigation.”

“Near Navigation, huh?” Corpse hums thoughtfully. It’s a subtle warning, but you catch it. Yeah, even if you try running, Dream’s going to join your other ‘boyfriends’ in the afterlife. Granted, killing someone by just talking with them is kind of cool. Or maybe Stockholm Syndrome is finally kicking in, “Bret, the thing is, Y/n’s scared of dying, so she asked me to stay with her.”

It’s disturbing how good at lying he is. It is also really really attractive, as bizarre as that is.

y/n stop being in a toxic relationship with corpse challenge

making fanart of this omg her face

its the blushing for me girl get your head outta the gutter!

^she cant, it lives there

“Baby, you’re gonna fucking die if you stick with her,” Bretman points out, “have you noticed the mortality rate of her partners? Rest in peace, daddy.”

“He’s right, you know.” You mutter, dramatically looking to the side, “I’m no good, Corpse.”

“Not leaving you, end of discussion. Bretman, join us?” Corpse offers, catching you by surprise. He might still be lying, though. Creating a false sense of security before eliminating Bretman. Probably would laugh while doing it, too. Wow, he truly is evil.

Turns out he doesn’t have to do any of that, because when Dream strolls into Cafeteria, he kills Bretman instead. The two Impostors are finally revealed. You promised not to snitch on Corpse, but you didn’t say shit about not exposing Dream. You press the REPORT button and say just that: “Dream just murdered Bret right in front of me and Corpse.”

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

The last meeting is called. Dream had been voted out with the help of Corpse, and now only you, he, and Rae remain.

“Baby, you know what to do.”

The VOTED icon pops up beside Corpse’s astronaut. Rae wheezes, “No! Y/n, it’s not me, you gotta believe me, I swear it’s not me!”

“...I really don’t know,” You murmur, “I’ve been with Corpse a lot, and...Rae, I’m not sure...”

“Please! I swear it on my Kagayama cardboard cut out, I’m not the Impostor, please! You know me, I’d never lie to you like this.”

“She’s definitely lying.” Corpse says, sounding pleased.

“Don’t listen to him! Remember, during the first round, when he tried to convince us that you were the Impostor? He’s doing the same shit to me!”

“I also remember you agreeing with him.” You remind her.

“I was stupid! Small dumb brain moment! He was using us to win! He’s using you right now!” She votes, “Please, Y/n, make the right choice.”

You’re silent for a moment.

“I’m gonna...I’m gonna vote for who I think it is.” You lastly say.

A slow, lazy grin makes it’s way onto your lips, eyes gleaming mischievously. You had not forgotten your promise to your brother from another mother, you had not forgotten the pride of the BDA, you had not forgotten your beautiful friendship. Two miniature astronauts pop up by Corpse’s at the exact moment Rae screeches “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!”

“Fuck.” Is all Corpse says with a laugh.

The screen changes, informing of the first CREW MATE victory.

Your ears are assaulted with different voices as you appear in the lobby.

“Now that’s what I’m fucking talking about.” Charlie raves, “I swear to fucking God, Y/n, you even got me going for a second. Pulled some 1000 IQ shit right there. It was fucking amazing. Best back stabbing I’ve seen in a while, and I’ve seen a lot.”

“That was absolutely fantastic, Y/n.” Sean applauds, “I really thought you joined Corpse like some crew mate accomplice or something. Can’t believe you switched on him at the last second.”

“That’s my wifey!” Rae cheers, strolling to you, “Love you, mwah.”

“Hey, Corpse,” Charlie calls him, “How does it feel to be a fucking loser?”

“I’m surprisingly fine with it.”

yeah he would be lmao

mom is the best snake ever i love you sm y/n

rae and y/n’s friendship....the feeeeeels

As the rest sing your praises for another solid minute or two, the third round begins. CREW MATE again. Though, just because you’re stuck as an underpaid worker in a dying spaceship, it doesn’t mean you’re innocent. Your last round proved that quite well. You can’t help but silently snicker.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

TAGLIST IS CLOSED!

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury--moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[draconic-ichor]

In the Steel Steeds Heart

Chapter 31: Little Secrets

Warnings: strong language, sexual themes, mentions/memories of trauma

Summary: Heisenberg has to go to the village overnight on business, and Juniper gets a surprising midnight visitor

Feedback appreciated. 18+

Heisenberg was laying on the apartment floor, facedown. He didn’t have his coat or hat on yet.

“Buttercup! Come here.” He called.

Juniper turned the corner making a sound of surprise, “What are you doing?”

He made a sound of annoyance, brushing away her question with a mild demand, “Step on me.”

“W-What?” She almost giggled.

“Step. On. Me.”

“Is this a sex thing?”

“It’s not a fucking sex thing!” The annoyance rose in his tone, “My back hurts like hell, god damn.”

Juniper nodded with understanding, coming over to him. She carefully stepped onto his spine.

“Lower.” He grunted.

She complied but felt no change.

“Goddamnit.” He grumbled into the floor, “Bounce a little, baby.”

She nodded, giving a shallow lunge. When nothing happened she gave a more forceful one. Juniper felt Heisenberg’s spine shift ever so slightly, a loud audible crack sounding.

He gave out a breathy groan, going limp under her.

Worry shot through her as she scrambled off of him. Juniper knelt down beside him, asking, “Are you ok?”

Eyes closed he gave a little nod, “Fantastic. Thank you.”

As Juniper bruised herself with making an early meal she noticed that Heisenberg didn’t move from his spot on the floor.

She snickered, padding around him with bare feet. “You sure you’re alright, Karl?” Her voice light, “Or do I need to get the haulers up here to drag you off?”

He gave a little grumble, “I’m just comfy now.”

“On the hard floor?”

“Mhm.”

“Well food will be done in about 20 minutes.” Juniper smiled.

He made another sound but didn’t move.

She finished the meal of pork and vegetables, placing two plates down on the table. When Heisenberg still didn’t get up Juniper got a wicked idea, sitting down.

Juniper clasped her hands together in mock prayer over her food, “We are gathered here today to grieve the loss of my husband, Karl Heisenberg.” She had to stifle a giggle when she heard him snort from the floor in order to keep up the serious tone.

“He lived a long, long, long, long life,” she went on.”

“Fuck you.”

“But alas!” Juniper put the back of her hand to her forehead, “He met his end on the kitchen floor this day. May we all remember him fondly.” She nodded before starting to eat.

She heard him start to pick himself off the floor, groaning from the stiffness. He stood, looking across the table narrowly.

“A miracle!” Juniper raised her hands, “He lives!”

“You better be happy you are so cute.” He grumbled, sitting down to eat, adding, “And a good cook.”

“I try my best.” She smiled.

“I’ll have to go away for a day…maybe longer.” Heisenberg announced.

Juniper almost dropped her fork, “What?”

“Yea, I’ll have to fix up the villagers' tractors this year and I don’t want them all lining up here. I’ll stay a night in the village while I work.” He went on, adding, “And before you ask, no you can’t come.”

“Why?” Her voice was tight.

“You had enough fun recently, I want you to stay here and be good. You got me?” His tone was authoritative.

Juniper closed her lips, remembering the hunt.

“You could have told me.” She looked down.

“I’m telling you now.”

“A bit close notice…”

“It’ll be fine.” He insisted.

~

The following day Juniper mostly tried to keep busy in the apartment. Heisenberg had made sure to take care of any daily maintenance that needed done before leaving.

He had warned Juniper that she didn’t need to leave the apartment, and that she definitely didn’t need to leave the factory. Before kissing her forehead and heading off for the village.

His overprotectiveness was wearing her thin, however, and as night set in she slowly started to feel restless. Feeling cocky with her better grasp over her powers and the Lycans taking a liking to her she started to pull her boots on.

“A quick little walk won’t hurt.” She hummed, “I need fresh air.”

The night was cool, but nothing compared to the long winter. She could hear the wind rustling the leaves and the soft songs of bugs in the air. She decided to just walk around the outside of the fences. She took a deep breath, the air tasting sweet on her tongue.

She heard the shuffling of Lycans in the trees, their heavy footfalls muffled by the thick undergrowth. They no longer spooked her.

The moon glowed in the starless sky like a broken shard of pearl, casting the land in enough light for Juniper’s night vision to easily pick up everything.

She hummed a bit, pulling her shawl closer. It was nice not being under a time limit, or watchful eyes….or so she thought.

As she rounded the broader side of the factory yard a shrill call of a Raven startled her. She paused, looking up to see a dark bird peering down at her. More followed, the branches creaking under their weight. She very acutely started to get the feeling she was being watched, from more than just birds. Swallowing, Juniper turned to begin to walk back.

As she went, her boots brushing grasses and last year's leaves, she realized the sound echoed twofold.

Someone was following her.

Tension built in her. She paused again, the sound of blunt footfalls continued. She turned, looking towards the trees, muscles taught and ready to run if needed.

A humanoid outline broke the trees, a man coming into view from the shadows. Juniper felt a wave of relief when the familiar shape of Heisenberg stepped into the moonlight.

The feeling was quickly replaced with guilt and worry, expecting him to angrily berate her leaving the factory.

She tapped her boot, waiting for the scolding. It didn’t come. Her green eyes shot back up to his face, her stomach flipping a second time.

Heisenberg’s lips twitched into a smile when seeing her. Bewilderment ate up every nerve, as Ravens called in the trees.

“Hello Darling.” His voice was light, an almost eerie calmness over him.

Juniper tugged her shawl closer, looking him over suspiciously: he didn’t look tired, or agitated, clothes showing no sign of filth or oil.

It certainly looked like Heisenberg, but he was holding himself very oddly given the situation. Her skin prickled uncomfortably, bewildered. Her mind swam to a conversation weeks prior:

Heisenberg sat at the table across from her, speaking of secrecy and the importance of hiding all hints of the pregnancy. Outside of never speaking of it when not in the factory he came up with a plan if either of them were ever worried about the other. A question to ask…

Juniper blinked back at the man, narrowing her eyes. Heisenberg looked at her curiously, opening his mouth to speak but she cut him off.

“What color is the horse at the door?” Juniper asked.

He looked taken back, seemingly blindsided by the question. There was a tense moment of silence, both looking at each-other. Juniper’s gaze was expectant, while Heisenberg’s eyes darted around quickly in thought.

Before Juniper could repeat herself, Heisenberg looked down with a low chuckle.

“You’re clever.” His mouth moved but it wasn’t Heisenberg’s voice that tumbled from his lips. It was a cool, commanding voice. One Juniper knew well.

His form melted into black feathers before her, revealing Mother Miranda. She gave Juniper a sharp smile, looking almost gleeful in the moonlight.

“You tried to trick me?” Juniper’s stomach was eaten up with anger and annoyance at the other woman’s gal, but she kept her voice even.

“Trick you? No! A simple test, a jest even.” Miranda’s tone was light, “To see if you were better than a doe eyed school girl, and you impressed me. I see why Heisenberg fancies you so.”

“What do you want?” Juniper asked tensely, her muscles screamed to run but she pushed it down.

“I was simply taking a midnight walk, and stumbled upon you doing the same.” She answered simply.

There was a moment of silence between them before Miranda asked, “Care to join me?”

The question was simple, and asked as honestly as if it were between two friends.

Juniper gave a little nod.

Her brain twisted up, wanting to decline, but doing so would raise suspicions. The normality of the request sent her almost reeling, Juniper reminded herself to be guarded.

They walked into the night side by side, almost awkwardly. Juniper was aware of the Lycans moving away, as if spooked from the area. Miranda paused, kneeling down a bit to lightly touch the bell of a white mountain flower. The plant seemed to glow under the kiss of the moon. Juniper heard the other woman sigh.

Mother Miranda broke the silence between them suddenly, “I enjoy seeing all the night blooming flowers in this area. Do you as well?”

“It’s just easier to sneak off for a bit of fresh air at night.” Juniper shrugged.

“Oh? Home life that bad?” The woman’s voice was almost concerned, sporting a heavy dose of curiosity as well.

“No, no!” Juniper blurted out, “…Heisenberg is just…hm…he doesn’t like me to go out alone.”

“Ah, he’s protective.” Miranda nodded, “He’s always been quite the guard dog over his things. He used to yell at his siblings anytime they touched his tools.”

“Used to?”

The comment made Mother Miranda laugh, it wasn’t the cold cruel laughter that Juniper had heard come from her in the past. It was light and warm, almost genuine. For a moment they felt like two normal people. As they continued to walk, Miranda asked small innocent questions. They shared a moment of small talk, Juniper seeing a side of Miranda she’d never known.

The woman walking by her seemed human, but the faded memories of the dark god kept Juniper from truly enjoying, or even believing in what she saw beside her. No matter how much she laughed and shared recipes and insignificant little memories, she was still the infection that pulsed through all the veins in the village, she alone was the root of the evil in this place.

The thoughts kept Juniper's tongue.

“Once, Donna took one of his toys when he was little. Wanted to fix it up.” Miranda spoke of an old memory, “But it made him so angry…a temper, even then. I had to teach him that it was no way for a Lord to act.” The woman mentioning punishment made Juniper’s skin crawl, but it was the next words that sent her blood running cold.

Miranda turned to look at her fully, smiling, “A mother would do anything for her child, right Juniper?”

“O-Of course Mother Miranda.” Juniper stammered.

She held her gaze for a long moment before continuing to walk.

Whatever walls were lowered earlier were thrown securely back in place, fear rushing through Juniper’s veins.

“Heisenberg is very taken with you, however.” Miranda mused.

Juniper flushed, “And why do you say that?”

Every word that came through the blonde’s lips seemed sinister now, the entire outing flipping on its head.

“I’d have to be a fool not to notice.” Miranda chuckled, “He’s started looking healthier, cleaner, wearing fresh clothes every meeting. You’ve definitely helped ease him into a better lifestyle” she went on, “Love can push us to be better…but it can also make you stupid. Especially men.”

Her tone was negative, but with what emotion Juniper couldn’t decode. Was it regret? Tinged with bitterness even?

Juniper swallowed hard, her palms feeling sweaty, she desperately wanted to escape this situation.

Juniper’s steps halted. Mother Miranda turned to look back at her. Her eyes were sharp, feeling accusing in the dim light.

“I should be getting back, it’s getting pretty late.” Juniper murmured, worrying her hands in her skirts.

“Of course.” The blonde woman nodded, adding, “Careful. Don’t let him make stupid choices. He has so much to lose.”

“Y-yes mother.” Juniper just managed before turning and speed walking back towards the factory.

The forest felt suffocating now, every tree sharp claws reaching for her shawl to slow her escape. The shrill cawing of Ravens filled her ears mixing with the sound of rushing blood as she started almost running.

She felt her heartbeat in her throat as she slammed the metal doors behind her. She crumpled to the floor, cursing herself for being so reckless.

~

She hardly slept, worry churning her guts. She waited by the window the next day, reading on and off.

Juniper saw the gate open, and Heisenberg striding through. She hopped up to meet him by the entrance.

“Honey, I’m home!” Heisenberg announced, throwing open the door. He scooped Juniper up in his arms, swinging her around.

“Did you miss me, Doll?” He laughed.

“So much!” Juniper smiled, “How did it go?”

“Oh you know…fixing villager shit, getting fed crap food, gettin’ sweet with the village girls.” Heisenberg shrugged.

“What?!” Juniper pushed him away a bit.

Heisenberg barked with laughter, “I’m joking, Doll. Jealousy looks cute on you.”

Juniper huffed turning away.

“Hey I’m going to go get my stuff, and something extra.” He tried to soothe.

“Extra?”

“Mhm.” He nodded, slipping out.

“Hey kitten, I got you some special stuff.” Heisenberg announced when he came back in, toting a box.

“I didn’t know you were seeing the Duke.” She followed him to the kitchen table.

He gingerly set the box down, “I wasn’t…at least that wasn’t why I went to the village.” He shrugged, “Thought this shit would be useful for you, you know since you keep tryin’ to mother hen around here.”

Juniper wrinkled her nose at his comment, getting closer to look into the box as he opened it. There was fabric and books within. Heisenberg pulled a relatively thick book from the box, a picture of a duck followed by three ducklings stitched into the cover.

He handed it to Juniper, “I bought this for you…it’s supposed to prepare new parents…for, well pups. I guess.”

Juniper took the book, smiling up at Heisenberg.

He shifted nervously, looking back to the box, “I got you some fabric too, thought you could make some stuff. Duke gave you the patterned ones.”

Juniper set the book on the table before throwing her arms around Heisenberg. He gave a little ‘oof’ before hugging her back.

“Thank you.” She buried her face into his chest, tears welling up.

“Are you crying?” He chuckled.

“Sorry.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, “…Hormones.”

He deepened the hug, resting his cheek on the top of her head, “I’m in for a long few months, hm?”

“You have no idea.” She rumbled.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 09.10.20 lb

lol, lemme preface this by telling you what i know about the show from my out-of-context insta-viewing:

kabir sends his gf riddhima in to spy on vansh RAISINGHANIA (naam ka wazan check karein ji. kaafi hi bhaari-bharkam, just like the fake baritone the actor playing the character is being forced to put on.) vansh is some kinda shady, but idk WHAT SPECIFIC KIND of shady..... like is he just your garden-variety-evil-capitalist-ala-ambani-bezos, or is he into shit like drug smuggling and human/organ trafficking???? no one knows. maybe a little bit of both. but kabir’s a COP, and we all know that those fuckers are the shadiest shits around (#ACAB) so yeah, true to type, kabir shadyyyyyyyy. he’s actually the secret illegitimate son of vansh’s stepmom and together they wanna ruin vansh and take all his monies. so anyway, kabir sends in riddhima, who’s just a whole special brand of dumbass, but also extraordinarily determined in the way only tellywood heroines are. so she’s basically sticking her nose everywhere that doesn’t belong and being a pain in the ass of literally everyone in the show, including her own (coz she seems to get injured in novel and entertaining ways in every second episode.) kabir ultimately manipulates her into marrying vansh, while vansh has apparently married her KNOWING that she’s a spy and is probably playing the long game to see who her puppet-master is. long story short, heterosexuality is too potent a force and the Stupid Spy Girl and Gangsta Guy are currently slowly giving in to the Feelz™, despite missing that one-little-teensy-weensy-who-even-needs-it-in-a-real-relationship thing. y’know, that little thing called, idk, i think it’s called “TRUST” or some such strange unheard-of concept.

oh, in between all this there’s also some bizarre plot about some ex of vansh’s called ragini, who’s dead??? missing? idk. kabir is real interested in that and wants to jail vansh for it, but we’ve long forgotten about ragini by this point #RIPSis anyway, there’s some kinda statue of her’s in the attic or some shit, coz vansh is some kinda modern day gender-reversed medusa who turns women who cross him into statues??? idk man, idk. so riddhima is pretty much in constant danger of being statue-d.

also vansh has a requisite irritating famiy in tow, that he’s burdened with being in charge of (coz no rest for the unfortunate eldest son who lives in this godforksaken mansion, be that an oberoi or a raisinghania) feat: a dadi who is well-meaning, but as annoying as the one in IB was, constantly spouting platitudes about how vansh and Spy Girl trooooooly lurrrrrrrrrrve each other *kissy noises*; some chachi/chacha who are all “HEY WHY DOES HE GET TO BE THE BOSS, WE WANT CONTROL OF THE CRORE-ON KA BIJNESS TOO”, some very fake kanji-eyed siblings/cousins who are supreme bitches, and ofc one (1) normal sibling who is sweet but really does nothing around here. oh and there’s his right hand man/bff too, who seems to be not 100% (maybe just 83%?) incompetent like everyone else. that poor sod just got suckered into marrying Kanji Aankhon Waali Bitch Sister, who is pregnant with some total rando’s baby, and is just an all-round asshole to Riddhima/Right Hand Man, because “ugh, yeh do kaudi ke middle class naukar log, cheeeeee.”

ok now that the sasta, not-at-all-useful recap has been done, LET’S GET INTO THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

———————————————————————

the chachi is screaming her goddamn headdddd off coz her room is on fire. ofc it is. when has anything good ever happened in this manhoos house of horrors.

lmao the kanji eyed cousin has like 3% concern that his mom will be fried like a taaza jalebi. he's literally sauntering luxuriously towards his mom's room jaise park mein tehel raha ho.

chachi's screaming is getting on my nerves. aunty you're wasting valuable oxygen this way.  

riddhima is behind some secret box that aryan and chachi stashed in the room.

THESE PPL ARE SO CHILL ABOUT A WHOLE ROOM ON FIRE (note: it’s shivaay's room in IB) and they're just hanging out in the living room (which if you’ll remember, IS ATTACHED TO THE ROOM THAT WAS SHIVAAY’S) as if fire doesnt have a tendency to y'know..........  SPREAD RAPIDLY.

riddhima is fighting with the bloody fireman saying ki i need to save the box. #priorities

aaaaaaand the fireman is kabir, who has come to haath maarofy on Box of Secrets.

and we know this coz he did a DRAMAAAAAAAAATIC reveal by taking off his mask. in a room FULLY ON FIRE. idhar non-flaming rooms mein bhi ab mask nikaalna danger ho gaya hai, and this guy justtttttttttt dgaf. tum jaison ki wajaah se hi we can't bloody stop the spread.

my god this house has been decorated soooooooo fucking tackily. never thought the oberois would be the classy ones.

shady saasumaa and riddhima stinkeye-ing each other over a bowl of shehed. lol, what even. truly some "rasode mein kaun tha" lvl of politics.

oh ho, saasumaa and kabir lagaaofied the aag.

saasumaa gloating over the fact that riddhima will now never get her hands on Box of Secrets.

flashback time: hahahahaha KABIR LITERALLY LOBBED A MOLOTOV COCKTAIL INTO THE ROOM AND CHACHI DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING HEAR IT OR ANYTHING. lmao everyone in this show is a dumbass. how blissful life must be with just one (1) working brain cell.

riddhima runs into flaming room. ofc now we will have a prolonged sequence where kabir tries to keep his identity and riddhima being the dheent that she is, will give chase.

please note, that not even 48 hours ago, this woman walked barefoot on a bed of coals AND a hallway full of broken glass. AND NOW SHE'S RUNNING FULL SPEED BEHIND KABIR AS IF SHE’S PT USHA. SIS, TUMHARE PAIR HAIN KI KYA HAIN? YOU'RE LONG OVERDUE FOR AN INTENSE PEDICURE AFTER THIS WEEK.

and ofc, he got into a getaway car and made it away.

yeh lo, iss beech mein dadi behosh. ouff.

whooooooooops, dadi has some weird blue nishaan on her neck.

LMAO KABIR SHOT AT RIDDHIMA WITH A POISON BULLET OR SYRINGE OR SOME SHIT, WHICH HIT DADI INSTEAD. LMAO MAN THIS SHOW. IT'S SO FUCKING DUMB, I LOVE IT.

some more stinkeye politics between saas bahu.

bahu is passive-aggressively giving saasumaa roses to congratulate her on winning this round.

riddhima is dheent!max. she's like kuch bhi ho, i'll find the secret anyway and your victory will witherrrrrrr awayyyyyyyy like these flowerssssss and you will be left with the thorns that will prick youuuuuuuu!!!!!!!

LMAO SAAS IS FULLY ROLLING HER EYES AT RIDDHIMA'S DRAMATIC ASS #SAME

just looking at helly's ears is making my ears hurt like a bitch. 

hey riddhima, have you ever thought that maybe this secret child of hers is NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?????? like honestly, the entitlement desis have to know the workings of other ppl’s wombs.

lol dumbass mummyji crumpled the flowers in her hand and played right into riddhima's stupid kaante waala metaphor. #ramMilayiJodi

hero ko covid hai toh ainvayi ke phone calls se kaam chalaana pad raha hai.

the dude left his house for literally the first time in months and the place is on fire and dadi got shot in the neck with poison. and the wife doesn't think she should tell him so that he doesn't become "pareshaan". sure, this seems like a dude who'll take this kinda thing real light when he finds out later.

(hint: he’s not. he’s a crazed, overprotective weirdo about his family. sound familiar?????)

this guy's dialogue delivery is so dodgy. idk what it is, it just seems so affected.

that plus the ainvayi ka editing just showing him in some random car (clearly from the earlier eps)  is just adding to the jankiness of the scene.

husband dude seems to know wifey's quirks quite well. kinda cute, kinda creepy. 

lol kal tak toh yeh banda itna romantic nahi tha. like he had a smooth moment here and there, but he was mostly real awkward and robotic and unsure how to handle These Strange New Feelings™. now he’s spouting cheesyass lines about being able to see the one who is special to you with dil ki aankhein and idk what.

who are these people who like SHARING their room with another person? #unrealistic

but i also i get you, riddhima. he was pretty much the only thing worth looking at in this room, coz the rest of it is so damn fugggggg. this room should be the one set on fire.

dang, some steamy scenes between them in the flashbacks. ouff abhi jaake episodes dhundne padenge. coz #tharkiTTisTharki

riddhima doing dadi seva. boooooooooring.

ofc dadi ki sui is always atkofied on playing cupid for pota, taaki she can score some par-pota/potis.

riddhima ki best friend ka happy birthday hai.

riddhima is like a lottttt has happened in my life, can't really tell you over a call. yup, that’s for sure. 

ok apparently sejal who said she’s in dubai now is NOT in dubai?? she's just up and flew to mumbai to "surprise" riddhima...... on HER OWN birthday? #doesNotCompute

lmao kabir's annoyance with mummy's useless glass of water. WHY DO MOMS THINK EVERYTHING CAN BE SOLVED WITH DRINKING MORE WATER?!?!?!!

now he's yelling at mom about how she's ruined everything. sure. blame the only one who's actually doing shit around here, while you sit on your ass in this room, glaring and growling like a hangry bear.

some menacing dialogue about how he needs to thikaane lagaaofy riddhima's hosh.

which has been overheard by bff sejal, who went and dropped a showpiece from shock. cool. so she gonna die. bye sejal, hardly got to know ya!

sejal being here doesn’t even make sense. she thought he was a PT teacher. then why did she show up here at his police waala office? also how did she connect the dots about the whole damn story with like 0.04% context that she got from what she overheard? kuchhhhhhh bhi.

[lotusglass]

So about the ships, is it okay if I ask about headcanons about the ships and how they got together? Thank you!! The ocs are really intresting and I love the ships so I’m very intrigued lolol

 Absolutely! I live for questions like this <333 this is very long so I’ll be putting it under read more. Small warning: a little spicy in some parts ouo;;; and I do apologize if they seem out of character

Leona and Anyu 

They met during a maglift(magical shift? please correct me if I’m wrong;;) practice match, NRC against DCA(Belongs to Phoenix-Manga/phnxart!).  One of the Savanaclaw students on Leona’s team were cheating and Anyu was REALLY not having it;; so of course he confronted him about it, but afterwards it kept happening and then everything went uh...downhill;;;

Since then they became rivals and Anyu swore that she’d beat him in maglift fair and square! The again, she managed to beat him a few times when they spar?? //sigh this girl asks for too much;;;

Though, she can’t help but appeal to his cunning and arrogant behavior, but does her best to deny it when someone brings it up. Like yeah, she thinks he’s cute, but he’s mean!

no chance, no way, I won’t say I’m in love

Even if they’re not dating, they bicker a lot and argue A LOT, but they still care about each other nonetheless, it’s a matter of patience and loyalty mostly patience though

Considering how witty they both are, they subconsciously flirt each other whether it’s one the mag lift field or in their respective dorms, they always have something to say to each other. Even Ruggie can feel the tension before calling them out on it.

Anyu likes to run her hands through his hair when they cuddle, or rather whenever Leona drags her away from studying to go AND cuddle. 

Like a lot people, he calls her herbivore, but also princess while Anyu calls him a fur bag or kitty~ 

He carries her like a fucking potato sack, it makes Anyu Angry, but Leona still does it to push her buttons. 

There’s a decent amount of PDA, but behind closed doors, it’s more...ravenous ouo;;; just don’t be surprised if Leona has hickeys on him or anything 

They playfight A LOT especially after a fight and Anyu is always the one starting it

neither of them know this but their older siblings are already planning their arranged marriage due to politics 

Overall, it’s push and pull between these two!

Azul and Pearl

Ah yes Ursula and Ariel 

Pearl was actually childhood friends with Jade and Floyd so when they visited each other in their first year, she was introduced to Azul.

At first she was pretty neutral about him, but after she heard about his contracts, she had to distance herself a bit, but still remained good friends!

Out of kindness, she dotes on him lot, but Azul’s expecting something out of it, and Pearl always gets upset whenever he asks her

Although she does her best to be more understanding oh him, and ever since his overblot, she’s more doting and more open with him.

Their love is playful, tender, and surprisingly conniving! Being that Pearl is a matchmaker, she likes to ask her octo-baby for some help in pairing couples(aka getting Floyd and Jade to intervene), but in exchange she has to help him out as well whether it’s finding gems to see or sing at the mostro lounge. It’s an equal share between the two!

She lets Azul pull out scams and sometimes gets involved with them, although she pretends that she doesn’t know what’s going on when really, she KNOWS what’s going on, girl wants to make Azul look like an idiot for scamming her one time!

Pearl loves ballroom dancing and sometimes she would get Azul to dance with her, even though he tends to trip on his feet a lot hahaaaa!

They like to make inside jokes and they flirt with each other, although Pearl has a bad habit of getting too friendly with her male clients, which leads Azul having to lecture her about personal space. If it’s the male clients getting too friendly, it’s a whole different story, a scary one actually;;;

Azul tried to kiss her once in the VIP room, but alas Floyd and Jade ALWAYS cockblock him which then leads to Azul lecturing them, and Pearl scolding him for being rude to the twins. he just a kiss from his gf that’s all he asks

shalalala my oh my it’s like the boy’s too shy he’s gonna kiss the girl

Pearl knows what it’s like to be ostracized and bullied. Every so often, she pampers Azul after a hard days work and when he’s upset, she’s very patient and listens to his woe constantly, even if he doesn’t say anything, she’s there

Trey and Clarice

Met during a visit from NRC! Clarice was in the middle of sewing up her gowns on a mannequin and Trey and Cater walked in on her. Trey and her talk a lot about their crafts and of course Cater was just there to take pictures of it, not that Clarice didn’t mind!

Literally husband and wife  

Trey is the kind of guy who’s an ideal boyfriend, constantly helping her with designs and encourages her. While Clarice helps him in the kitchen and whatnot!

But most importantly. she pulls him back from overworking, being vice dorm leader is never easy. Of course she’s no better, Trey can tell when Clarice hasn’t had enough sleep, or when he fingers are sore. Thus, Trey would have to pry her hands off the sewing machine and into a comfy chair

They play around in the kitchen a lot! She purposely puts icing on his face and he chases her around for it. There was also an incident where they played around too roughly and Clarice knocked a bag of flour onto the floor. Needless to say, Riddle was NOT happy when he saw the whole mess

They tend to feed each other sometimes and go as far doing the pocky game. Of course Ace ruins the moment by telling them to get a ROOM.

PDA? They always have their hands somewhere on each other, Trey’s arm over her shoulder, and Clarice’s hand on the small of his back hood boy

Kingsley and Riddle

Kingsley met Riddle when he was a wee first year! He always so obedient and being the dick the Kingsley was, he REALLY tried to influence him. However, Riddle was stronger than that and didn’t buy into his shenanigans like the good boy he is!

Before I go on, I headcanon that Riddle is bisexual or pansexual.

As mentioned, Kinglsey does flirt a lot with Riddle, and it goes as far as calling him pet names and compliments. 

The result it either Riddle storming off with rosy cheeks, or “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD”.

He does care about Riddle’s well-being and has to remind him to take breaks. When there’s a fight going on and Riddle is too busy, he takes care of it for him. He treats his queen like no other.

If they were dating, I’d say he’s one for PDA and will deliberately fluster him in front of other people

Promised himself to tone down his playboy attitude for the sake of his beloved. The last thing he wants to upset Riddle.

They tend hedgehogs and paint teacups together, sometimes have private tea time when they get the chance!

Kingsley is also very much down to punch the daylights out of anyone who dares to hurt his Riddle, not on his watch!

Jamil and Elena

I feel they met during the school festival at DCA. She’s part of cultural dance club and happened to be performing with her dorm leader. Kalim and Jamil were both intrigued and after the performance they managed to talk to her

Elena knows when Jamil is pulling back and she LOATHES that, so often times she pushes Jamil to the point where he’s really showing his bets efforts and only then would Elena be satisfied.

Elena may be a tough girl and rougher than most, but she can be just caring as the next. She would always check on Jamil after he takes acre of Kalim, he works so hard has no acknowledged this??

They have this habit of dancing together during the more quiet hours of the dorm, whether it’s in Scarabia or Magiaoasis(Phoenix-manga/phnxart), they’re moving together. However, Kalim tends them about it, so before they do anything like that, they have to make sure the coast is all clear.

If it’s not Kalim, then Elena is always the first to taste his cooking. Also she’s a horrible cook so sometimes Jamil would help her out, even if it gets a little frustrating

PDA? It’s more private, they only hold hands or Jamil has an arm around her, nothing more or less. But in private? You can bet that Elena is showering him with lovebites and hickeys. Occasional praises, but nothing too far from it. Unless Jamil says, well you know how it goes 👀

The tension between those time is thick enough to cut through. Even if they walk past each other in the halls, their eyes says it all when they gaze at each other.

[blackcatanna]

First impressions of Hakuoki characters:

Hijikata: Sebastian from Black Butler realness. Is mean but in a reluctant way. Like a Mum who is in charge of discipline because her husband (Kondou) is incapable of laying down the law. I like him but I would like him more if the game wasn't sucking his dick so hard. He has good hair. Please don't kill me, Hijikata!

Okita: He is handsome (duh) but seems a bit too eager to kill his own men... Ugh, now he's making me thank him. His idea of humour is threatening to kill you. He's like an old cackling witch who was shunned by the world and is taking it out on anyone he has power over. I enjoy him but I find it hard to relate to someone who takes pleasure in tormenting the helpless. Big dom energy. Probably enjoyed tying you up a bit too much. I want to fight back but I have a feeling that there is no script for bratty Chizuru. :'(

Saito: The Chosen One. He is dangerous but also adorable. He saved mah life *swoons*. He is HELPFUL. He has beautiful impractical hair. He is CONCISE. He is POLITE. He just seems like a great person to have around... If he's on your side (R.I.P. Itou). Alas, we can never be wed, for he is already married to his sword... Or maybe it's Hijikata... Or Okita... Or tofu. He has a lot of commitments.

Harada: He has red hair. Me like red hair. I feel like all three of them are way too casual about my impending doom. Not getting friendly vibes here. However, it turns out that he's pretty great! A bit too chirpy for my liking, though. Because I'm a miserable bitch (goth), I guess. The baka trio are all more boisterous and outgoing than I would be comfortable being around but I like them on their own. Harada is my favourite, though. Definitely the Mum of the trio. I guess that makes him the cool aunty of the Shinsengumi? He has the best Kazama burns and I will always love him for that.

Heisuke: I wish that the others would stop treating him like a child. Maybe they would if he stopped taking their bait. He's the most openly friendly of the group and that means a lot when you're surrounded by new people (and are being held against your will). He looks like an angry wildcat. I like cats so that's fine, I guess.

Kazama: Ew. Can you tell that I don't like him? Fuck this wannabe nonce. Actually, no! Don't fuck him! That's what he wants! Just stab him real good. He cannot control his temper. I do not respect that. He is racist. He is too scared of rejection to court a girl and get consent. He is really handsome but he has the worst personality so I feel no attraction to him at all. Not even for a hate fuck. No. Go away.

Nagakura: Ah, the classic pervert! We love a slut! I kept forgetting who he was, though. Sorry. Clearly, he has hidden depths but I have yet to find out what those are. Is a little bit too violent. Needs to calm tf down. I don't really have much else to say about first impressions. At first, the baka trio were just loud, wacky background noise.

Sannan: Seems fine, I guess... Fairly reasonable. If he was such a sweet, fluffy bunny before his injury, why was everyone so scared of him? He has a pleasantly calm aura. However, he needs to work on his diplomacy. Demanding blood while brandishing a sword is extremely un-chill of him. I also enjoy wandering around eerily in the middle of the night so we have that in common. Definitely gives off sinister vibes.

Yamazaki: Ninja Nurse Mum! He is clever, selfless, dedicated and reliable! He deserves a better hairstyle XD Sorry Yamazaki! The rat tail is not a strong look but he probably has more important things to worry about like SAVING LIVES and coming up with new moves to shout out in combat. I am excited to do his route because he deserves all the happiness.

Iba: The most beautiful one. He's rich, good looking, friendly and has had a crush on you for years. He also rescues you from the Shinsengumi on numerous occasions to hang out and eat delicious desserts. He's very cute. Definitely too good to be true. Everyone has a dark side and it concerns me when someone locks theirs away so much. Or maybe he really is that 2D. Iba is so perfect that they had to give him the Demon Arm of Horniness because they didn't want to tarnish him with a human flaw. I would probably be obsessed with him if he was real but, as a character, I don't find him that interesting.

Sakamoto: I still have no idea who this man is. He creeps me out, though. I don't remember why, I just remember being creeped out when you first meet him. Maybe he should mind his own business.

Souma: Puppy? Who threw this poor guy to Harada and Nagakura? Wow, I finally have underlings. However, they are probably not here against their will. He looks scared so he must have some brains. I haven't played his route yet so I don't know much about him.

Nomura: Horny Puppy! This isn't really a first impression (except for in the sense that all of my impressions are initial because I haven't played much with him in yet) and is totally spoilery but there's a bit in Edo Blossoms where they're making fun of him for being terrible with women and how it'll take him ten years to figure them out. At the time, I thought, "Bit harsh, guys. He could very easily die tomorrow and then he'll never get any." AND THEN HE DID. Die, that is. Not get laid. R.I.P.

Kondou: Married to Hijikata. They have loads of terrible children. Fun Dad. Thinks that he's a cool Dad but there are no cool Dads. Everyone talks about how nice he is and how everyone loves him but it's hard to appreciate that when he's debating whether or not to feed you to Okita. Turns out, he is kind but very busy. Definitely a secret badass. Very secret. He gives off friendly bear vibes.

Inoue: Friendly Grandad who is way younger than he looks. Not datable so he is mostly in the background, just being kind, helpful and dependable. He is warm but calm and comforting to be around.

Shimada: Gruff undatable anime guy who is not a bishie and so his brave and heroic acts often go unnoticed.

Motoyama: Bless him for trying to be a wingman. Why is he so scared of the Shinsengumi? Scary poor people with swords? He is very good at his job. Needs to calm down with the winks and nudges.

Itou: This Bitch. He could be fabulous but he loses points for mocking the disabled. He's Regina George. Except he actually dies. Is very camp. Would be great to go shopping with him. Not necessarily gay but is the gay best friend you deserve, not the gay best friend you asked for. Is a bitch but also sometimes the only sane person in the room. He's not reading you, he's just being real with you because you're Shinsengumi Sisters.

Miki: Bitch by Association. "Darling." Doesn't seem totally evil, just trying to do his best by his brother. Relies on tough guy image. Doing his job but happens to be on team Bitch. Also, he is a handsome boi.

Takeda: Fabulous Cunt. Should be too beautiful to be such a disaster human and yet here we are. Starts off as a bit of a prick, ends up (spoilers) feasting on the flesh of innocents... Is that a glow up? He's a dirty cop. Nobody likes him X_X :'(

Shiranui: GUNS! SHOOTY SHOOTY! He has a lot of aggression and he channels it through his GUNS. He always looks somewhat maniacal. Needs to take a chill pill.

Amagiri: Infuriatingly calm enemy with infuriating facial hair. He seems pretty chill and not bloodthirsty so... Good? He punched Heisuke, though, so RAAAAAAAWR!!!!

Kodo: Worst Dad. Scalpels > kunai. Took a level in WTF while he was away (hopefully he wasn't always like that).

Kaoru: Why can't I dress like that? :'( Definitely evil.

Sen: Hey, don't tell me off for protecting you! Can we be best friends?! I'M SO STARVED OF FEMALE CONTACT!!! More of this queen, please. She is powerful, kind and she is honest! I wanted to run away with her while Saito and Heisuke were away :') But the game didn't let me :'(

Kimigiku: GOALS. Why can't I be disguised as a geisha (except for that one time) :'( GET THIS QUEEN A ROUTE. She is beauty she is grace. I wish that I looked more like a woman and less like a child. I want her to be my friend too. She can teach me her womanly arts!

Chizuru!: She's fine. Much less annoying than she could easily be. Too pure for this world. A fine example of woman (well, she looks like a child). Her disguise is useless. Pretends not to be thirsty but rushes past Itou to see shirtless men. HMMMMMMM.

[nekkid-karli]

My week

Over our 19+ years of marriage, our desires, tastes, and interests have morphed many times.  There were times that we were out at swingers parties or meeting new couples literally every night of the week.  There were times that we just wanted to make love to each other after quiet family evenings. Lately, we’re having a lot of fun dating other people.  Separately. We tell each other everything, and after some particularly steamy dates, we end up talking dirty about it in bed… but if I’m being completely honest about it, I mostly like it for me.  Not for us as a couple, not to turn S on… but just because it’s a ton of fun and it makes me feel good. When S goes out and comes home with stories and panties his date sent along as a souvenir, I’m genuinely pleased for him.  We agree that we have a very happy marriage, a great sex life, and there is nobody in the world we would rather have as our life partner and primary lover. S just feels like my home, my comfort zone, my perfect other half. …But that doesn’t mean we only rely on one another for our fun.

Anyway, last week was a busy one. Want to hear all the dirty details?  

MONDAY

Monday night I had a date with E, a divorced guy a few years older than me.  We had seen each other a couple of times before, and always had a GREAT time.  (The previous date, he took me to a Halloween party at a club, we took some mind-altering substances, danced for 7 hours straight, and stayed up until mid-morning fucking.  It was the most fun I’d had in ages!) So Monday we went to dinner and spent hours singing at a really fun gay piano bar. Towards the end of the night, we were both mildly drunk and very horny, and I couldn’t help but start things in the cab back to the hotel he had booked for the night.  (Which happens to be the same hotel a different date had taken me the week prior… but there was no reason to mention that to E.) I don’t know if the cab driver knew I wasn’t just resting my head on E’s lap, but I didn’t care too much.  

By the time we got into the room, (that elevator to the top floor took FOREVER!!!,) our clothes were already half off.  Once we managed to tear the other half off our bodies, E pushed me on the bed and dove between my legs, face first. I loved the feel of his beard on my skin and his tongue making circles on my clit.  I held my pussy lips apart so his mouth could have better access. I could feel my wetness soaking his beard, and we were both loving it. I was so turned on and he was so skilled that it probably took me no more than a couple of minutes to cum. Incredible as it felt, I was BEGGING him to stop and come up and fuck me; I NEEDED to feel him inside me.  When I really couldn’t wait any longer, I pushed him off, made him flip on his back, and sat on his cock. I was soaking wet and riding him like my life depended on it. I clearly remember reaching back to play with his balls and feeling my pussy juices dripping down his sack.  

This all went on for probably hours before we finally decided that we need at least a nap before I had to get home for morning kid duties… Another night with E with only an hour of sleep.  He has really set a high bar for our dates. I’m not sure how he’ll be able to keep this going, but I’m enthusiastically looking forward to finding out.

TUESDAY

After making the lunches, taking care of school drop off, and a loooong nap, I met up with a new friend to go on a hike.  This was someone who contacted me about a week prior through an online hiking group of which we’re both a part, and we chatted enough that I felt safe.  Nonetheless, I sent S all of this guy’s info and pics, and shared my location… I guess so they can at least recover my cell phone when I go missing. This was really supposed to just be an innocent hike.  He knew I’m happily married, and I strategically left out the part about the marriage being open.  

You obviously know I wouldn’t be writing about this if all that came out of it is nice fall foliage photos.  This guy was cute and I was still in a flirty mood from E, so I was probably more touchy than I needed to be.  I know just the moment that he realized that I may just be down for some fun. He was taking a selfie in front of me, and I jumped into the shot with one arm around his chest and the other nonchalantly resting on his ass.  And then less nonchalantly squeezing. After that, there was a small barrage of questions. “Does your husband know you’re here with me?” “Is he okay with that?” “Do you have an open relationship or something?” “Yes. Yes. …Yes.”  Before long, we were making out and groping each other as the sunset over the lake. It was almost romantic. (Almost.) We did have to get back to the cars before it got dark, so we postponed any further face suckage til the parking lot.  

Once we hit the parking lot, it was ON.  Hardcore making out with hands down each other’s pants. He tried to convince me to come to his place… he even tried to tempt me with homemade stuffed cabbage… but I was just way too tired. Conveniently, this guy drives a van.  No stuffed cabbage there, but I figured it was just as good a place to get stuffed.

Before long, we’re in the long middle seat, him sitting with only one pant leg half on him, me topless bending over him, his hand on the back of my head, and his cock deep in my throat. After a while, I asked if he has a condom. His response? “I haven’t used those in years!"  What??? "Come on. Condoms are out of style.” WHAT?!?!?! “Let me just put it in for a second. Just once.” Not a chance.

So that was the end of that. Sigh. At least I got great fall foliage photos. Moving on.

WEDNESDAY

Wednesday night, I had a date scheduled with O.  We met on Tinder and had our first date the prior week.  He’s a divorced dad from Europe, a few years older than me, intelligent, attractive, and has a killer accent.  O and I weren’t supposed to meet until later in the evening, so I decided to grab a drink with a guy I used to fuck around with a decade back, D, with whom I recently reconnected.

Back in the day, D and I had some fun together, sometimes with extra characters making an appearance. Recently, however, it was just exchanging stories of our escapades via text, a picture exchange or two, and one instance of a pretty platonic happy hour.  I must say, there is something about D that really gets me going. It’s more than just his ridiculous body or killer smile or mischievous eyes. He’s just walking, talking sex. We met for drinks, and my panties were wet before I even had a sip of my cocktail.  (In fact, when I was getting dressed, I thought about going commando, but knowing the effect D has on me, I didn’t want to show up to my date with O with a wet patch on my skirt.) At one point, I went to the bathroom and sent D a picture of how wet he had made me.  Alas, that was the extent of it with D that night. Second platonic-ish happy hour, and off I went to meet O.

After dinner, back in the hotel, things were getting goooood.  I love the way O kisses; love his hands all over my body and in my hair. It was not hard and urgent; it was erotic and sensual. Passionate. There’s so much eye contact - I could feel him watching my face as he pushes all the way inside me, stretching me with every thrust. Maybe it’s because he watches the reactions and expressions of his lovers that he’s so good at eating pussy.  His finger on my g spot; tongue on my clit; every time, he has me breathless and moaning, wanting it never to end.

O and I met in the hotel he got for the night. I was so horny thanks to D that I didn’t let O take me to dinner until he fucked me for a bit. It wasn’t long - he said he didn’t want to cum until later - but it was enough to satisfy me for now. At least I’d be able to concentrate enough to have normal dinner conversation.  

We recorded some videos that night. There’s one where the camera really only captured us shoulders and up as I’m riding him.  Surprisingly, that’s the best video of the night. Just from watching our faces, you can tell every time he’s deep inside me. You can tell when he’s teasing me and not letting me come all the way down on his dick. If you can imagine two bodies writhing together, that’s exactly what it’s like. Not my usual kind of sex, but with him it just really works. Even in the middle of the night when we were done, I could still feel his lips on mine.

I’m the morning, O had to leave early for work and left me sleeping. In this big empty hotel room. All by myself. With still many hours left before check out. What a waste of a room.

THURSDAY

So I texted D. “Wyd?” “Coming over.” Perfect.

While I waited, I set up my camera and took lots of photos in my lingerie and heels. Because, you know, maximum room usage. Plus I needed to pass the time SOMEHOW.

I was really excited about getting it on with D.  He showed up looking hotter than ever and acting all dommy.  “Get on your knees.” “Lick my balls.” “You like me fucking your face?  I can’t hear you.”

I’m not usually a squirter, but he had me soaking the bed repeatedly.  He was fucking me from every possible angle and I couldn’t get enough. It was like he had a spell on me - I would have done anything he wanted.  And I did. I did everything he told me to do. “What do you say when I make you cum? That’s right. You thank me.” “Thank you.” “Thank you.” “Thank you.” “Thank you."

Eventually, I HAD to have his cum in my mouth. I NEEDED to taste it. Condom off; cock as deep as it could go. I caught myself moaning with pleasure every time he hit the back of my throat. When D's cum filled my mouth, I took an extra beat to taste it before swallowing. Hot and delicious and just the reward I wanted at the end of my morning. "What do you say?" 

"Thank you."

[willreadforbooze]

Hello fellow boozie readers!

If you haven’t heard about #Booziebookathon, it’s our week long readathon we host every year! AND ITS RIGHT MEOW!! Check out all the details here! Shout out to Linz and Melinda for doing ALL of the planning for it. You’re the best. Be sure to follow our readathon twitter for sprints!

Sam’s Update:

I got a lot of reading done this week, which is surprising, considering how busy it was. But Booziebookathon started on Saturday, and got a bunch done. I’ve decided that I’ve failed at Medieval-a-thon…. cause I definitely didn’t read what I said I would. The NEWTs start on Thursday (our TBRs scheduled to drop on Thursday), so I gotta finish up these books so I can start my Metal Charmer career!

What Sam finished this week:

Recursion by Blake Crouch: I adored Dark Matter and Ginny and Parker both adored this one so I picked it up on audio. About half way through and loving it, I need to know how it ends.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He: WOWOWOWOWOW. I couldn’t put this down. I flew through it, only to be SO SAD that this isn’t a series. I seriously need to know more. RUDE.

What Sam’s reading now:

Booziebookathon Gin: The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: Oh holy shit, whyyyy did I think this book was over-hyped? It is perfectly hyped. I’m listening on audio and LOVING IT.

Booziebookathon White Wine and Smirnoff Ice: Demon in the Whitelands by Nikki Z. Richard: This had a slow start, but basically this is a post-apocalyptic story where all technology is banned. The bastard son of a cleric, Samuel, is basically thrust into the role of being a caretaker to what the mayor calls a “demon”. A child, albiet violent child, with one arm and doesn’t speak. His job is to befriend it/her. I’m enjoying it now… that I’m 2/3 the way through, but I don’t feel the urge to pick it back up each time…

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad: Buddy reading with Ginny and Liz and also for book club. It’s taken an interesting turn but I don’t want to say too much here, because we still have to discuss as a group.

Ginny’s Update:

Currently Reading:

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad: This is still for a book club, I’m still reading it slowly. There was a pretty big twist and I’m enjoying seeing it ripple out.

Leap Days: Chronicles of a Midlife Move by Katherin Lanpher: this is one of my books for Boozie Bookathon and it fulfills my Gin challenge (book on tbr forever). So far Katherine has moved to New York and is talking about how weird it is… yup. It’s gonna be that kind of book.

The Mortal Word by Genevieve Cogman: IT’S THAT TIME! I’m reading the fifth book in this series that I adore. Irene is being called in to act as mediator in a conversation between the Dragons and Fae. Her boss for the job is a major dick (and I’m pretty sure it’s going to turn out he’s even more sinister). Ugh, Loving this! (If you’d like to start at the beginning, my first review is here.

Finished

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah: Welp, Trevor Noah had a very interesting childhood. It’s interesting to read this book to see a completely different perspective of growing up. I’m used to hearing mostly Americanized, or at least overtly Western points of view, so to hear this story that was completely outside of what I consider the norm was endlessly interesting. I wasn’t super fond of the jumping around in time. I found it a little confusing at times, talking about his stepdad and then, chapters later, talking about how his stepdad came into his life. Overall, I still thought this was a strong narrative and would definitely suggest this to someone who likes biographies. 4.5/5

A Kiss for Midwinter by Courtney Milan: This is a novella that goes in the Brothers Sinister series. Gonna be honest, I don’t even remember who’s parents these are supposed to be and just read it as a standalone. It’s still charming. Dr. Grantham was there when as a teenager, Lydia was told she would never be in society becuase of a teenage pregnancy. He was also there years later as she wanted nothing to do with him. He’s quirky and she’s been hiding from things she hasn’t wanted to think about and it’s pretty damn fucking cute. I really enjoy the way Courtney writes her characters, there’s always depths. 4/5

Rafe: A Buff Male Nanny by Rebekah Weatherspoon: Yup, definitely back on my romance novel kick. This book was delightful as, as the author says, it’s pretty much just pure fluff. the kids are cute, and speak the way children do. Rafe was ridiculously attractive and a family man throughout. Sloan is ridiculously competent, dealing with a shitty ex-husband and just wants someone to make her life easy… Fortunately Rafe makes it very hard… that was terrible… I don’t apologize.4/5

An Unconditional Freedom by Alyssa Cole: Welp, Alyssa Cole is one of those always gonna read authors. I accidentally skipped book 2 (don’t worry, I’ll get back to it). This follows Elle’s friend from the first book Daniel, who is dealing with some emotional and psychological scars. Janeta Sanchez is trying to become a double spy in order to save her Southern beau and her family. Except, unsurprisingly, that beau is a jackass. But they’re in the Loyal League and trying to get some information. It’s interesting to read Daniel’s perspective and I liked getting both the internal and external perspective on him. Alyssa Cole is a phenomenal writer and ugh, so many good words. 4.5/5

The Soldier’s Scoundrel by Cat Sebastian: Well, Cat Sebastian is apparently another author where I’ll read everything. This is a delightful romance between Jack, who handles scandals behind the scenes, and Oliver, an ex-soldier who is worried that her sister has been scammed by Jack. They’re immediately attracted to each other but have to solve a mystery together for… reasons? REgardless, I really enjoy the way that Cat brings characters who might be outside of what is currently considered the norm, and shows the ways they could have lived in the past. She shows their struggles but makes sure they have a happy ending, and I just really enjoy that. Both of these characters are kind of dicks in their own way, but I enjoy their moments of earnestness. 4/5

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami: I’m not a runner. I don’t ever think I’m a runner. But I think it’s fascinating to read running books and learn about what drives other people. It seems that so often running helps them quiet their minds. This book was interesting and I enjoyed a peek into an authors/runners mind. 3.5/5

Captain Marvel: Volume One by Kelly Sue Deconnick (there’s a bunch of people on this but my read list is already 7 books long and there’s just a limit to what I have the patience and energy to do): This was delightful. I’m not super familiar with Captain Marvel but I met Kelly Sue at Bookcon and really enjoyed meeting her (I’ve also read Bitch Planet, which if anyone wants to read a dystopian comic I highly suggest this one). I loved the mystery of what was causing the illness, and the way she could read between the lines. Ugh. This is what I wish more comics were. 5/5

Evvie Drake Starts Over by Linda Holmes: Probs gonna write a review on this one. Wait and see.

Temporary Break for BoozieBookaThon

Iron Gold by Pierce Brown: Gonna be honest, I don’t remember much from the original series but I used a random number general and this is what came up. I’m like two pages in so I’m mostly just confused.

Minda’s Update:

What Minda is reading now for Booziebookathon (and soon NEWTs):

The Liar’s Daughter by Megan Cooley Peterson – An ARC from ALA, out 9/10, for the Beer challenge. About a girl who was brainwashed by her father and his cult.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K. Dick – As the winner of the 1963 Hugo Award, meets the Whiskey & Champagne challenges.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells – Following the longest, I thought I’d read the shortest for the Shot & White Wine challenges.

The Incendiaries by R.O. Kwon – I’ve borrowed/returned/renewed this title eight times, which I think means it’s been on my list for awhile. This fulfills the trifecta: Vodka, Gin, and Red Wine challenges.

What Minda finished before Booziebookathon: 

Tiger Queen by Annie Sullivan – I actually finished this at the start of my trip. This was good—the world building was especially inventive since it came out of a short story with an open ending. Review to come.

All the Water in the World by Karen Raney – This book was super sad and really tugged at the heartstrings—at least for the first half. Drops in early August! Stay tuned for review.

City of Girls by Elizabeth Gilbert – Listened to this one on audio during my flights… so many flights. But this book was super captivating! I would highly recommend reading the audiobook because of the writing style—it really feels like an old woman is telling her story to you. Also will review.

Clear My Name by Paula Daly – Crime fiction focused on a UK version of the innocence project. Edge-of-seat type stuff with an end twist I didn’t see coming. Also also will review!

Linz’s Update:

I was on family vacation–which we all know isn’t actually vacation–and still managed to get some reading done.

What Linz read:

No Judgments by Meg Cabot: One of the many Bookcon ARCs, this romcom-y book was…not great. The protagonist was pretty dumb and kind of shallow, the romance felt a little forced, and the resolution was really telegraphed.

Sophia, Princess Among Beasts by James Patterson: Woof. Basic. DNF.

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia: Girls are raised to be sisterwives in this dystopic, Latin-inspired first of a series. The concept is actually pretty good and I loved the love story twist, but the worldbuilding left me wanting.

The Way You Make Me Feel by Maureen Goo: I liked this more than I thought I would. The protagonist is a monster, but I just spent the week with teenage relatives so it’s not inaccurate. Goo’s take on diversity is interesting and thoughtful. There is also a foodtruck and I was starving while reading.

Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay: My first finished book for booziebookathon AND MY HEART COULD NOT TAKE IT. Authentic, on point, emotional rollercoaster.

What Linz is currently reading:

The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern: WHICH I AM BACKBURNER-ING BECAUSE OF BOOZIEBOOKATHON BUT I AM GOING TO CLAW MY FACE OFF UNTIL I CAN PICK IT BACK UP IT IS SO GOOD

– *About* to start Slay by Brittney Morris, but imma need a minute after finishing Patron Saints of Nothing

Until next time, we remain forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Melinda, Linz, and Ginny

Weekly Wrap-Up: July 22-28, 2019 Hello fellow boozie readers! If you haven't heard about #Booziebookathon, it's our week long readathon we host every year!

[wingsandneedles]

May I?

Because I’m gonna. I’ve been reading through some reviews and thoughts about ACoWar and figured, fuck it, why not? I have a few things I want to say, too... Strap in, kids, its gonna be a long one.

Feyre - I understand that people are upset with the way she left the Spring Court even more vulnerable to Hybern, and I just don’t care. At the time she was behind enemy lines and undermining the people hellbent on destroying a continent. Maybe if Tamlin had actually been as honest with her as he had promised to be about his plans this time around, she would have figured out another way to leave? I don’t know.

She’s also getting shit for doing her own thing, making deals and sneaking around and lying. Guess what. That’s part of being a ruler. It’s nice that the Night Court can have a fun family atmosphere but this isn’t Chuck E Cheese. From a purely objective standpoint, if everyone in the novel was completely transparent the damned thing would have been 400 pages. Not to mention that she is still fairly new at having a support network like this, or putting her friends in harm’s way. Of course she’s going to play shit close to the chest and leave them out of danger as much as she can. Sheesh.

Rhysand - Oh, my sweet sugar. Mostly on him I’m reading complaints about his dealings with Beron, Eris, and Keir. Guess what. Its a war. You have to make deals with people you can’t stand sometimes to ensure the survival of your home. Is it pretty? No. Will people get hurt? Yes. And then you move on. Were the armies of the sadistic bastards crucial to the success of, you know, everything? Hell yes. Even with all the forces mustered things were touch-and-go for a while. Every. Fighter. Mattered. Could he have handled the situation with Morrigan better? Yeah, probably. He’s not perfect, though, he knows that. 

Also, what’s the hostility about with he and Feyre either getting along too well or snapping and snipping at each other all the time (I’ve seen both complaints today) Let’s not forgot that while they love each other fiercely, this is still a new relationship. Now that they are firmly cemented together, why wouldn’t they get along and support each other? Do you want all-angst-all-the-time or a functional relationship that doesn’t rely on drama and heartache to thrive? Flipside, though it is a wonderful bond, it is also like any other relationship. I love my husband with a passion that could level cities but that doesn’t mean we don’t bicker and bitch at each other on occasion.

Basically, I love him. From the tips of his wings all the way down. I love him. 

Amren - There are no words, none, for the sound I made when her history was revealed. I woke up my daughter. It wasn’t cute. And I loved, loved, loved her more for what she is, what she was.

That being said, I think she should have died. Or stayed dead, I suppose. There is a fine line between killing-every-character-so-don’t-get-attached-to-any and knowing that everybody-will-survive-so-no-worries. It’s part of what I love about Rowling, really, that she was so good at knowing when sacrifices to the literary gods needed to be made. And I think that the fact that we made it through this book and the only real casualty we were left with were Papa Archeron and the bargain-caught-monsters was bullshit. Amren’s death was beautiful. Her popping back out of that Cauldron made the whole thing seem, just, less. Rhys’ resurrection I’m fine with because it very prettily mirrored Feyre’s, but come on. Sometimes things should stay dead.

Morrigan - Fuck her. Fuck this. Fuck it. Went from one of my most beloved members of the Court to my absolute dead last least favorite. Not because she’s gay. Couldn’t care less about that, actually. But because this little piece of bullshit storytelling turned a woman who had been fucked up and fucked over and still maintained her love of life, her passion, her beautiful, vibrant self, and made her into a cowardly, hateful, weasel. There. I said it. I don’t give a shit about your past or your motivations. If someone loves you with all their heart and soul and that shit just isn’t ever going to happen for you, you let them know. What you don’t do is string them along for 500 fucking years because you don’t want to shatter their feelings or their hope. Especially when you’re supposed to be their friend, their family, their anything. I wouldn’t do that shit to my worst enemy. I’m not saying she had any responsibility to tell everyone she wandered all over the sexuality spectrum, that’s her call to make. I’m saying that this. is. fucked. Especially when she values honesty so much from everyone else. Hypocritical cow. 

Cassian - Awww. He tries so hard. No complaints. He seems to be in love with a bitch, but that’s his issue. 

Azriel - And here we have my new bestie. I loved learning more about him and watching him with Elaine. I don’t care if they end up together, I just liked seeing his kindness and his compassion. Who says it always has to be about romance, anyway? Can we not just be friends, pulling each other out of the darkness when we can? 

Nesta - Honey needs to be called out on her shitty attitude more often. Being a raging bitch as a defense mechanism gets old when you are surrounded by people that will sacrifice everything for your safety and happiness. I like that she was starting to warm up by the end. Taming of the shrew, and all that. 

Elaine - Ugh. What a waste. We are given the chance at an amazing seer and instead she fades into the background almost immediately after they figure out that she’s not just looped in the head. Poor, sad flower. 

Lucien - Meh. Don’t have strong feelings one way or another, really. My happiness doesn’t hang on his, ya know? At this point I’m honestly more interested in learning more about Eris. 

Tamlin - I never really had a problem with him in this book. He’s a dick. But he’s not evil. It’s possible to be a shitty boyfriend and a decent person.

I’m sure there’s more that I wanted to say. About the other Lords, and the humans, and all of that. The setting up for other books that seemed to take precedence over telling this story at times. The sudden influx of a billion new characters to explore later. My enjoyment and delight at Ianthe getting repeatedly fucked up and fucked over. Love, love, loving the Carver, Stryga, and Bryaxis. My joy that there weren’t any surprise! pregnancies to deal with. But that’s all I can think of right now. Maybe I’ll write more later. I’m almost sure nobody is gonna read all this rambling nonsense, anyway. Alas.

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙