#my life's been harder than I even like to think abt most of the time. but I'm over 30 now. still here.

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

[imwritesometimes]

I've been seeing a lot of posts on my dash lately abt turning 30 and crying and like... it's fine. You're gonna be fine. You're 30 now! When I turned 30 it idk flipped a switch for me. I'm less afraid to stand up for myself. To ask for what I need. To be proud of the stuff I have done. To know I still have more to do but that's ok! I quit smoking the year I turned 30! It allowed me to say I am an adult and I do know myself and I'm gonna be her on purpose! And expect people to respect me or they're not worth my time! You're gonna be fine.

[sunkissed-zegras]

★ YOU AND ME, WE'D BE A BIG CONVERSATION─── PB⁵ (part 1/3)

❪ requested -> "paige x famous!reader (singer, actress, up to u) inspired by endgame by ts where p reveals that r is her celeb crush in an interview and a few days later theres a vid of r responding to it saying shes been obsessed w paige lately / its such a big deal bc r has been involved in a lot of romantic drama lately so everyone is kinda iffy abt her rn, causing her to put up a tough guard. but p sees thru the facade when they start talking and allows her to be herself, making r fall even harder 🥹 " ❫ for my disco nonnie!

─ warnings | gossip, a lot of drama and random ass names (sorry i get confused when i don't name them), mention of panic attacks, hurt to comfort, pretty sure nothing else?

⇨ missing out on updates? check out my wcbb masterlist!

"Y/N L/N, ONE OF the biggest names right now in the music industry has found herself at the center of yet another romantic scandal involving her ex and now, reportedly a new lover."

The 22-year-old pop sensation, who recently topped the charts with her latest single, was spotted last night leaving an upscale Los Angeles restaurant with actress and heartthrob, Camilla Harrison. The two were seen getting into the same car, sparking rumors of a budding romance.

This sighting comes just weeks after Y/N's highly publicized breakup with fellow musician Lauren Marie, with whom she had a tumultuous on-again, off-again relationship for over two years. The split was reportedly mutual, with both parties citing busy schedules and the pressures of their careers as contributing factors. However, sources close to the couple suggest that Marie was unhappy about Y/N's close friendship with Harrison, which began on the set of her recent music video where Marie made a cameo appearance.

"Y/N and Cam have undeniable chemistry," says an insider. "They've been spending a lot of time together, and it's more than just a professional connection. They're trying to keep things low-key, but it's clear there's something more than friendship between them."

Despite the drama, Y/N continues to thrive professionally. Her upcoming album set to release in the next couple month, is already generating significant buzz. Critics are calling it her most mature work yet, with deeply personal lyrics that reflect her recent experiences.

Meanwhile, Harrison, 26, known for her roles in blockbuster films and her good looks, has remained tight-lipped about the rumors. Her publicist declined to comment, stating that Marie is concentrating on her upcoming film projects.

──

"Okay, next question," the reporter smiled as she scrolled through her phone as Paige gave a tight-lipped smile toward the camera. "Oh! Found a good one, okay. Who is your celebrity crush right now."

"That's easy!" Paige laughed as she glanced toward the reporter. "Y/N L/N, she's beautiful and insanely talented,"

The room filled with laughter as the reporter raised an eyebrow, clearly delighted by the response. "Y/N L/N, huh? That's a popular choice these days, a lot of people are big fans. Have you met her?"

Paige shook her head, her cheeks slightly flushing. "Nah, I wish. But I'm a huge fan of her music. Every song is a masterpiece and I'm not usually into pop,"

"Interesting," the reporter leaned forward, intrigued. "You know, there are rumors about Y/N's love life all the time. How do you feel about all the speculation surrounding her personal life?"

Paige shrugged, maintaining her relaxed demeanor despite the stupid question. "I think it's tough being in the spotlight like that. People forget that celebrities are human too. Everyone deserves a bit of privacy, I'm more interested in her work and what she brings to the music industry rather than whoever she's dating."

The reporter nodded, appreciating Paige's perspective. "Absolutely. It's refreshing to hear someone focus on the artistry rather than the gossip!"

──

"Okay, quick. Who's your celeb crush right now, other than Cam," Bowen Yang, grinned at you, raising an eyebrow as the audience laughed, eagerly awaiting your response.

You laugh (and decide to ignore the comment about Cam), feeling a slight blush creep up your cheeks. "Oh, come on, Bowen, you can't put me on the spot like that!"

Bowen leaned in, his grin widening. "Come on, Y/N, the people want to know!" He pointed to the crowd as they cheered, causing you to put your face in yours hands.

You then take a deep breath, pretending to think hard. "Fine, if I have to choose... I'd say Paige Bueckers. She's incredible on the court, and I've seen some interviews with her ─ she seems like such a cool person."

The audience erupts with loud cheers, causing both you and Bowen to laugh. Bowen's eyes widen, clearly delighted by your answer as he clapped. "Ooh, scandalous! Paige Bueckers, I love that! Have you met her?"

You shake your head, smiling. "No, not yet. But I did see a clip of her saying some really nice things about me recently. It was super sweet."

Bowen's face lights up with excitement. "She was practically gushing over you, this is perfect, we need to make this happen. Maybe you could collab, I don't know how but uh, if anyone could make it happen, it's you."

"Thank you, I think?" You laugh, nodding. "Totally, we'll see what happens."

Bowen turns to the camera, his enthusiasm infectious. "You heard it here first, folks! Y/N and Paige Bueckers, the crossover we never knew we needed but now desperately want!"

The audience erupts in applause and cheers, and you can't help but smile at the idea. Bowen turns back to you, his tone shifting slightly more serious. "Alright, before we wrap up, I have to ask ─ how do you deal with all the attention and rumors about your personal life? It seems like you're constantly in the spotlight."

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, caught off guard by the serious question. "It's um, definitely challenging at times, but I try to focus on the positive aspects. I love making music and my fans. As for the rumors, I just remind myself that I can't control what people say or think. I stay true to myself and the people who really know me, and that's what matters most."

Bowen nods appreciatively. "Wise words, Y/N. And that's why we love you so. Thank you so much for being here tonight."

"Thank you for having me," you reply, genuinely touched by the support.

"And that's Y/N L/N!"

The crowd erupts in cheers as you genuinely smile, happy for the support, waving toward the audience.

──

"Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast I'm Lila, and today we've got a lot to talk about. Y/N L/N is at the center of yet another romantic scandal, and there's even a new twist involving basketball star Paige Bueckers. Let's dive in!" Lila said, her enthusiasm palpable.

"Yaya, so excited," Maya chimed in, adjusting her headphones. "So, Y/N was spotted last night leaving an upscale LA restaurant with actress Cam Harrison. They got into the same car, which has everyone buzzing about a possible new romance."

"Yeah, and this is just weeks after her very public breakup with Lauren, I think that's her name? It's been a whirlwind, to say the least. But honestly, I think Y/N is handling it all pretty well. She's focused on her music, and she's just living her life. What's your take, My?" Lila asked, leaning in slightly.

Maya sighed, her skepticism evident. "I don't know, Lila. I get that she's young and living her life or whatever, but it feels like there's always some new drama with her. First Lauren, now Cam Harrison? It's starting to look like a pattern."

"But that's thing, with being in your early twenties. Figuring out what you want, who you want to be with? I mean, she's also incredibly talented and driven. Her new album is generating a ton of buzz and it hasn't even been released yet," Lila countered, her voice full of admiration.

"Sure, but it seems like she's always entangled in some romantic drama. Maybe it's just the nature of fame or whatever, but it can also come off as messy. And now, with Paige Bueckers gushing about her in that interview, it adds another layer. I just hope she’s not stringing people along," Maya replied, her tone annoyed.

Lila nodded, annoyed at Maya's words but maintaining her supportive stance. "I get where you're coming from, but did you see Paige's reaction? She was genuinely excited about Y/N. It was sweet. Plus, Y/N responded so positively on the SNL interview. I think it shows she's got a good heart and she's just navigating her way through a complicated life!"

Maya hesitated for a moment as she glanced at the camera, then continued. "I mean, look at Taylor Swift. She's known for her string of high-profile relationships and breakups, and it hasn't always been received positively. It feels like Y/N is heading down a similar path- What?"

"Come on, Maya!" Lila glared at her, clearly displeased. "Comparing Y/N to Taylor Swift isn't fair. Taylor's faced a lot of unfair criticism for just living her life and expressing herself through her music. Y/N is her own person, with her own journey. She's navigating her twenties in the spotlight, and that's not easy."

Maya just shrugged as she glanced toward the camera, before adjusting her mic. "Well that got awkward, moving on..."

──── COMMENTS

sela 🐾 | is she wrong though... love her music but why'd paige gotta get involved too? ♡ 108

↳ l/nslover | cause they like each other???

↳ 🦕 | has bro ever heard of a pr relationship 😭

↳ ari! | THEYRE NOT EVEN TOGETHER YET BROOO😭😭😭

sarah™️ | LILA GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE BROOOO 😭😭 i never liked maya tbh this is just a weird ass take ♡ 1.7k

kayla 🎀 | listen as a y/n girly i also understand maya's point of view cause.... shes kinda for the streets ♡ 879

↳ ™️ | dont call yourself a """"" y/n girly """""" if ur gonna say she's for the streets??? the fuck??

⭐️ | i was understanding maya's pov up until she started saying all that taylor swift bullshit, they're two separate artists LET US LIVEEEEEEE ♡ 2k

josie may | hardest watch of the day 🥲 maya u let us down with that dumb ass take

──

"I just kinda... wanna disappear for awhile," you confessed, your voice quiet as you pressed the phone to your ear. "Don't know why this keeps happening, you're the only that can... help me through it. Sorry if I woke you up-"

It happened again ─ over the last couple of months (ever since you'd broken up with Lauren) you'd gotten pretty severe panic attacks. You were told by everyone on your team to just stay off social media and what had you done... exactly the opposite of that.

"No, no, I was awake anyway, promise," Paige's voice echoed through the phone. You heard shuffling through the phone as you sniffled, sighing. "And I don't mind, like at all. I meant what I said, I'm always here for you,"

Your heart swelled as you managed a smile, as tears began to build in your eyes. You and Paige had only been talking a month and she already understood you more than anyone had in what felt like forever. Her steady presence was like an anchor in the storm of your life.

The constant media scrutiny and the aftermath of your breakup with Lauren had left you feeling alone, but Paige’s calming influence was slowly becoming your safe haven.

"I just... I don't know how to deal with all of it. The rumors, the pressure, it's all so overwhelming," you admitted, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. "Half of it, it isn't even true."

"Hey, it's okay, I know, I believe you," Paige's voice was soothing, almost like a warm embrace over the phone. Even the smallest affirmation from Paige made you feel all okay again, even if it was just for the moment.

"You're not alone in this. We can figure it out together, step by step."

That part made your lips twitch up in a smile, feeling yourself relax again. You took a deep breath, feeling a bit of the tension ease from your shoulders. "I just feel like I can't breathe sometimes. Like the walls are closing in, y'know?"

"I get it," Paige replied softly. She'd know about it all too well, she'd been through it herself plenty of times. "Sometimes it helps to focus on the small things. One step at a time, remember? Have you tried any of those breathing exercises I taught you?"

You nodded, even though she couldn't see you. "Yeah, a little. They help, but it’s hard to remember in the moment."

"Next time you feel a panic attack coming on, call me. Anytime, okay? We'll get through it together," Paige's voice was firm, reassuring. "You don't deserve the shit they give you, like at all."

"Thank you," you whispered, feeling a surge of gratitude. "I don't know what I'd do without you, P."

"You don't have to thank me. I care about you, and I wanna help. Plus, I like hearing your voice," Paige added with a light chuckle, trying to lift your spirits.

You couldn't help but smile at that. "Me too, especially your cute tired voice."

"Cute, really?" Paige laughed through the phone and you swore you felt like your whole world felt even again. "But uh, if you do really wanna disappear you can always come to Connecticut."

The thought of escaping the relentless spotlight, even for a little while, sounded like a dream. "Really?"

"Yeah, you can stay with me for a bit, if that's uh... what you want." Paige explained through the phone. "My friends are super chill and it's always a fun time, if you ever wanna come. Think about it?"

The idea of spending time with the basketball player you'd quickly become enthralled with, seemed almost like a dream. And getting away from LA and all the madness that came with it sounded heavenly, you were going to give Connecticut a thought.

You sighed, feeling a warmth spread through you that had been absent for far too long. "Yeah, I will. And Paige?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. Really."

"Anytime, Y/N. Sweet dreams."

↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !

↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡

[roanniom]

bestie you called, i’ve been thinking heavily abt virgin eddie who licks into you for the first time and makes you cum so hard u have to push him away bc he’s greedy and sloppy with it and you might pass away if he keeps devouring you like you’re his last meal on earth and you swear he’s lying that he’s a virgin, but the second you sink down on him, god, he’s practically a puddle and ur not even bouncing on him for more than 5 minutes before he’s shuddering and panting into your neck all “wanna spend forever tucked inside you, feels so fucking good. so warm. so wet, jesus, i’m gonna fuckin cum.”

k bye😭

Rachael. RACHAEL.

Everything

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Eddie Munson is 100%, unbeknownst to him, a Big Dicked Virgin™️

After he licks you like his life depended on it, you pull down his boxers only to reveal the most mouth watering cock you’ve ever seen. They aren’t supposed to be picturesque but Eddie’s? You want it inside you in any capacity immediately. But judging by the way he looks like he’s gonna combust from the sight of it in your hands alone (not to mention the feeling of you touching him) you don’t waste time in straddling him and sinking down onto his length.

Its an understatement to say he’s huge. It’s a stretch in the most delicious way and your eyes almost cross from the feeling of him hitting every single neglected part inside you. If he were a more experienced partner you would have begged for time to adjust. Would have needed the grace to compose yourself.

But the man beneath you is so absolutely far gone from the second you slide him inside you that you realize it’s all up to you. This sight of him absolutely fucked gets you wetter than you’d ever imagined, thankfully, so you rock yourself back and forth a bit till you work yourself up to bouncing up and down.

His fingers dig into your thighs, the meat of your hips, and his eyes are watery and wide.

“F-fuck it’s too good. You feel so fucking—oh god I can’t. I can’t take it. But don’t stop. Please-mhm.” A torrent of whimpers and groans bless your ears and you ride him in earnest, knowing you won’t have a lot of time to appreciate this quivering mess of a man before he blows.

You lean back and brace yourself with your hands on his knees and he watches your breasts bounce with each movement.

“So beautiful. Shit. I’m gonna…oh fuck. Can’t last—god what are you doing to me. Don’t stop,” he says again. Begging with his words and his eyes. His wounded puppy eyes that make you laugh because you would never dream of stopping.

“I won’t stop, Eds,” you promise. It’s a reassuring sweet sound, but you’re the devil incarnate to him with the way your hips roll and your tits entice. You smile. “Feels good?”

“F-feels like I want to buy you a ring and a house and a f-fucking dog,” he moans. It makes a zing rush through your heart but you suppress it and laugh.

“Yeah? My pussy’s that good, Munson?” you tease. He’s swearing under his breath as you ride him harder. “Gonna get me the white picket fence?”

“Fuck, yes. Yesyesyesyes,” he mutters like a prayer. “Gonna…oh god…”

“Gonna cum for me, too? That’s so generous of you, Eddie,” you continue to tease. His eyes roll into the back of his head as you lean forward to kiss his jaw. “Give it to me, Eddie. Give me everything.”

He cums inside you moments later. No longer a virgin, but newly a full devotee intent on worshipping at the altar of your body. You’d give him shit for the dramatics of it all, but he’s busy kissing his way back down your body so you really can’t complain.

[heesdreamer]

SILENCED (2)

MASTERLIST

GENRE ➩ enhypen zombie apocalypse au!

SUMMARY ➩ navigating life 1 year post end of the world was already difficult as you avoided rotting corpses with hefty appetites and groups with various bad intentions. things get harder when you run into a group of survivors, 7 boys who make it impossible to run away.

WC ➩ 5k

WARNINGS ➩ everything the zombie apocalypse could bring lol, gore, mentions of death and injuries and lots of talk abt starvation and hunger this time around

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ this is a really short update but it was starting to bug me the longer it sat in my notes so i hope short is better than nothing. not proofread as always

Even small trips weren’t easy in the apocalypse. Runs to grocery stores could be the last thing you ever do and getting a few hours away could take weeks as you navigated rocky terrains and avoided uncrossable areas.

Transportation was something you’d taken for granted back then before the world had fallen apart.

You can remember tapping your foot impatiently against the subway station floor, arms crossed as you huffed and checked your watch for the umpteenth time. Maybe you were running late for school or you had just gotten off of work and wanted to get home fast so you could eat something.

Thinking about this now you felt utterly ridiculous, spoiled and sheltered from how good you truly had things.

But it wasn’t you alone who had these trivial problems and you considered that too as you walked with the group of boys, trailing behind a few feet but never left unattended considering they kept looking back to make sure you hadn’t disappeared into the woods at some point.

You wondered if you’d ever been somewhere at the same time as them. Seoul was big but it wasn’t spacious enough that this was totally an impossible thing to have happened. Maybe they’d been on the same train as you at some point, leaving school together and crowding around each other as they pulled playing cards.

It wasn’t a complete far fetched idea that you could have passed Jungwon on a crowded street when you went to get lunch or narrowly missed Heeseung as he rushed to an appointment he was late too.

You didn’t like to think about them like this, as people who all had lives and families before this all happened. You didn’t even like to think of yourself this way, chest tightening with the reminder of how much you’ve lost as this world changed.

It’d been days now since the camp had gotten overrun and you’d practically spent the last 72 hours straight doing nothing but walking. The straightest route to your destination hadn’t been safe enough to travel through, adding even more time onto the walk.

Most of it had been quiet, only hearing the boys speak in hushed whispers to each other every so often. It was hard to hold a conversation when you were all exhausted and hungry, running on autopilot and the fear filled adrenaline that built up every time the sun started to set.

Heeseung had been the quietest of everybody and he barely looked at the rest of you, his gaze sharp and focused as he continually scanned the surrounding areas. You thought back to your talk, the responsibility he held on his shoulders and you felt troubled for him now that such a major setback had occurred, now that their only home was gone.

He was closest to you as you lagged behind the group, keeping his eye on the boys ahead of him as the trudged along.

You were picking up your pace to catch up to him before you even confirmed within yourself it was a good idea, slowing back to a casual pace once you were side by side and reaching your hand out to gently tug on the sleeve of his long shirt. His eyes were shooting down to the point of contact and then back up at you with a frown.

“Hey.” You breathed out, trying to calm him down before you made your request. His eyes softened just slightly at the sound of your voice and he raised an eyebrow. “If we find somewhere safe to stop and rest for a few hours I can go try to get us something to eat.”

He watched you as you spoke and you knew he didn’t like your suggestion judging by the way his face hardened again, his jaw tensing as he scoffed and looked away from you. You figured he thought this was you finally putting your plan into action, leading them into the wilderness just to ditch them.

“I’m serious.” You had kept your hand on his sleeve still as you spoke and only now moved it, wrapping it fully around his arm so he could understand your earnest words. “They can’t go on like this much longer.”

He looked back over at you as you said that and you felt guilty at the sad expression on his face, knowing he had been thinking the same thing.

It must’ve been impossible for him to deal with the past few days, watching his family and the boys he was meant to lead barely make it through the day. The younger boys were stumbling as they walked, holding each others shoulders occasionally in an attempt to keep steady under their own crippling weight.

“Where’s safe?” He was genuinely asking but his voice broke around the word, already hoarse from not using it or having anything to drink. He sounded disbelieving that it was a possibility and he staggered slightly, knocking into your side.

Sunghoon had been lurking a few feet ahead and hearing this conversation he slowed a bit, letting you and Heeseung catch up as he leaned towards the two of you. “There’s a neighborhood or something up the ways a bit.” His tone was low so the other boys couldn’t pick it up.

You gave him a questioning look and he glared at you, eyes shooting down to your hand on Heeseung’s arm and your close proximity. “I saw it on the map.”

Heeseung nodded at his explanation and pat his back a few times in thanks, walking away from the two of you to alert the others you’d be stopping soon for a bit.

You had expected Sunghoon to follow him or at least drift back to his previous position, furthering himself away from you. It surprised you a bit when he continued to stand next to you but the look on his face didn’t, a suspicious glare as he watched you with no sign of care at your uncomfortable shifting.

“Something on your mind Sunghoon?” You were mumbling in irritation. You didn’t expect to become best friends but you hadn’t done anything to warrant him treating you like a criminal.

“Why are you still here?” He was saying it quickly like it had been on the tip of his tongue and you looked at him from the corner of your eye. “What are you planning?”

“I’m not planning anything.” You scoffed and took an offended step away from him, stopping in your slow pace. “And in case you forgot, I wasn’t given a choice in being here.”

He was stopping too and turning to look at you, sparing a glance behind him at the other boys who had continued walking. They weren’t going fast enough to leave you behind and the road was a straight shot surrounded by trees and no connected off paths so you wouldn’t lose them by stopping.

When he was facing you again he looked more angry and if you didn’t know any better you’d consider him a threat right now, a danger to you. However you’d seen the way he interacted with the group, with the dead even, and he wasn’t any issue. He was more gentle than he appeared regardless if he disliked you and was frustrated.

“Don’t bullshit me. You could’ve left if you wanted to, don’t be stupid.” He was shaking his head and you gave him a confused look so he explained further. “You didn’t even try to get away from them, no tears no questions. I can tell you’re smart and good at this world so I know you can tell the difference between a good person and a bad one.”

“Then what’s your problem with me?” You spat at him and cut him off, not wanting him to say more.

You could tell he was the most observant of the group but you didn’t like what he was implying. Your stomach turned at the thought of him seeing how much you didn’t necessarily want to be alone again, despite knowing it was the best option in the long run.

If you were alone you wouldn’t need to worry about things like this. You wouldn’t have to think about feeding them before you fed yourself because there would be no ache in your heart at the thought of them going hungry.

“My problem?” He was sneering but his voice was desperate like he wanted you to understand his point. “My problem is how excited Riki is to have a friend to talk to. My problem is that Sunoo basically thinks he owes you his life for getting you into this situation in the first place and my problem is that you aren’t going to stay.”

You both fell silent after that and he looked away from you, visibly upset and frustrated at the idea of you disappearing before you got to the place you’d showed them.

He flinched when he looked at you and saw your lips opening and closing, parting as you tried to think of something you could tell him that wouldn’t give him false hope but you also didn’t want to lie to him. Despite his wincing he waited patiently to hear what you had to say.

“Tell Heeseung I’ll catch up with you guys.” You muttered back and he watched in bewilderment as you turned and disappeared into the woods.

——

It took you an hour to stop replaying the conversation in your mind and you were glad considering you hadn’t managed to catch anything since leaving the boys on the road.

Part of you was laughing at the fact that, here you were. In the woods with full freedom and capability to disappear and never come back and yet you were sat crouching behind a log as you attempted to get them all something to eat. You quieted the voice with the reminder you could leave whenever you wanted and you would, you just didn’t want to leave them hungry and lost.

That’s all this was, you kept telling yourself over and over as you continued to track whatever animal was leaving small footprints in the dry dirt.

This was simply you being a decent person, not letting the apocalypse shred you of your morals and humanity. It wasn’t because you were starting to grow used to the boys, starting to care about them and their safety as individuals and a whole.

You’d finally caught sight of the animal as you slowed to a stop, a hefty raccoon shifting over some sticks and rocks just off in the distance. It hadn’t noticed you yet and you were glad for this considering you only had a knife to work with.

Before you could make any attempt at approaching in, steadily planning out the right angle to pounce forward, it was falling on its side and hitting the floor with a cry and a thud.

Your eyes widened in surprise, rushing forward to see what had happened to it. It’s face was bloody and you quickly realized it had been shot in the head by something, more accurately someone. You knew who it was before you turned around to check.

“You’re a good shot.” You sighed as you spoke and glanced over your shoulder to see Jungwon stepping out from behind the tree.

He was definitely the most skilled when it came to weapons, especially in accuracy and you’d quickly noted a few days ago that he was the only boy to have a silencer on his gun of choice. You knew it was him considering the fact there’d been little noise as he killed the animal.

“Took archery in highschool.” He shrugged like it was a casual skill to have as he approached you and the raccoon. “Guess I don’t have to tell you about that though do I?”

For a second you weren’t sure what he was referring to before you realized he was alluding to the fact you also shot with a bow typically, looking up at him with widened eyes which caused him to give you a half smile as he shrugged again.

“Can tell by the way you carry yourself I guess. Plus you’re a hunter, can’t imagine your weapon of choice is a knife.” He was explaining and he crouched down next to you, examining the animal for any bites or signs of disease.

“If you see any bow shops around here feel free to let me know.” You were mumbling back and he chuckled a small laugh. “They send you out here to follow me?”

He was shaking his head and you were slightly surprised at this considering you assumed he had been tasked with making sure you didn’t run away, potentially bringing you back if you made any attempt to. You were reminded of what Sunghoon had said about being able to leave whenever you wanted.

“I was looking for food just incase.” He didn’t finish his sentence but it was obvious what he was implying. Incase you didn’t return and they still needed to eat something.

Jungwon offered you a hand so he could pull you up off the ground where you were still crouching, you eyed him hesitantly but took it with an appreciative nod and stood slowly after you grabbed the animal by it’s tail in your free hand.

You followed behind him in silence as you made your way back to the road, back to where the boys had set up camp for the night. You tried not to think about what this meant and how you coming back willingly was going to come across to them. They were going to find out what you’d been trying to deny since running into them and your stomach was turning.

By the time you got there, the sun had nearly finished setting and it was almost too dark to see in front of you.

The fire the boys were sat around made you nervous considering how exposed you were and how near the woods lingered, the light and crackle of the flames potentially drawing the undead out of the woods and giving you all a replay of what had happened earlier this week. Four sets of eyes turned towards you when you and Jungwon popped out from the woods.

Heeseung was standing up and coming over to the two of you, patting Jungwon affectionately when he spotted the animal you’d handed to him at some point during your walk back.

“You okay?” Then he was turning to you and your face flushed as he grabbed you, his hands holding onto both your arms directly underneath your shoulders as he scanned your face for any sign of distress.

You were nodding awkwardly but your hands were instinctively coming up to cup around his elbows, leaving you both holding each other at an awkward distance. The other boys must have thought you were crazy as you touched their friend and leader but a large part of you felt connected to him after the auto shop, him having saved your life so directly.

When you both made your way over to the fire, Heeseung was clearing his throat and catching the attention of the older boys and Jungwon, who began to shake Riki and Sunoo awake at the signal for directions.

“We’re going to clear the house on the corner.” Heeseung was speaking in a low voice and you took the opportunity to observe where you were sitting.

The neighborhood, if you could call it that, was only a few run down houses neatly tucked away outside the main road. You imagined it had homed one or two families of rednecks in its prime, roofs titled and covered in roots and leaves. The boys had set up the fire in the middle of the three buildings, seemingly waiting for you all to be here before they entered.

“Shouldn’t we clear them all? Eliminate any potential surprises?” You were shocking yourself and the others as you voiced your suggestion casually.

Heeseung was looking at you with a bewildered look for a few seconds before glancing back towards the houses and nodding in agreement, realizing your idea was better than his.

It wasn’t the most grueling task and you’d cleared areas must bigger than this with much more active dead, yet you still had a sick feeling in your stomach as Heeseung leaned his shoulder against the first door and prepared to ram into. It only took one corpse to end everything and you tried not to think about this as he was pulling back and slamming forward against the decaying wood.

He was stumbling forward into the house and again, you could smell them before you saw or heard them. There was three inside and it looked to be a family, one significantly smaller than the other as it attempted to get closer to Heeseung and take a bit out of him. Jake was moving forward in a rush and taking out the biggest one, axe swinging over his shoulder and landing directly between its eyes with a loud crack.

The second was on its knees before you even processed it and you knew it must’ve been Jungwon from the doorway judging by the way it simply crumbled onto the floor without any fight or noise.

Riki was inside the house and tasked on the third walker, the smallest one that was clearly just barely older than him if at all. She had a large blood stain on the front of his pajama sweater and you tried not to wonder what had happened here that left them all like this, what measures were mistakenly taken to try and prevent them from turning. You didn’t like to think about the walkers being people similarly to the way you didn’t like to think about survivors in the old world, easier to make the separation and get it over with.

You could immediately tell Riki was struggling with doing this judging by the way he was frozen in the middle of the room, watching the corpse approach him.

He was facing away from you so you couldn’t see his expression but you didn’t need to anyways, knowing from his stiff back and hands fidgeting around his crowbar that he was hesitating and hesitating was one of the deadliest things you could possibly do. He had told you before that he didn’t kill as much as the other boys, being kept away from it all the best they could manage up until more recently when they started to take him out to practice in small intervals.

You were moving before you thought about it, circling in front of him and taking out the small corpse as cleanly as you could. You cupped your back of her head as she dropped, motionless now, and you tried to help lower her body onto the floor so the impact wasn’t as upsetting.

“I could’ve done it.” Riki’s voice was sounding behind you and you turned your head to look at him, standing back to your full height and giving him a confused glance once you noticed how agitated his expression was.

Before you could ask him what was wrong, if you’d done something or if maybe he was just upset you’d stepped in on his kill, he was turning on his heel and leaving the small house. You were fearful for a second watching him leave and then you remembered Sunoo, Sunghoon and Jay were just a few feet away at the other house over.

You almost followed him out the door in confusion, wanting to understand what exactly had made him look at you like that just to storm off but you were stopped by Heeseung stepping in front of you, bringing a hand up to your chest to stop your advances completely as he looked down at you with an apologetic glance.

“What happened?” You whispered to him, eyes wide slightly with confusion. The look the youngest boy had given you was deadly and the energy in the house had shifted drastically now. “What did I do wrong?”

“He’s just sensitive about that stuff.” Heeseung mumbled back, keeping his voice low in case the boy was still able to hear just off in the distance. The other boys in the house with you weren’t saying anything and eventually filed out once they realized your conversation was taking a private turn.

“Because I took his kill?” Your voice was cracking with disbelief, not able to understand what he was attempting to get across to you. Riki didn’t seem like the type to have an ego so large it would be damaged by you stepping in for an assisted kill. “It was about to grab him.”

Heeseung was sighing softly like you were poking a bear, glancing over his shoulder out the open door for a second before taking another step closer to you. You didn’t lose your confused expression, eyebrows furrowing further when he was bringing a hand up to gently touch your cheek before pushing a few loose strands of hair behind your ear.

He was clearly trying to soothe you and help you calm down but if anything it upset you further, solidifying it in your mind that you had done something wrong.

“You’ll have to talk to him about it. It’s not my place.” He was eventually continuing on when he realized what he was doing wasn’t working in taking your mind off of it.

You nodded softly and made a mental note to bring it up after things calmed down and you were certain things were safe for the night, vaguely hearing a sharp whistle outside that you’d learned to understand meant things were clear for now. The other boys must’ve cleared the other two houses while you were talking to Heeseung and now you were able to eat and get some rest finally before talking to Riki.

——

The food wasn’t a lot but it was enough to help everybody feel a bit better, passing each other small portions around the fire before retiring into one of the houses to rest.

You all decided to sleep together on the living room floor to minimize the risk that being spread out would being, somebody always staying awake in different shifts to keep watch outside on the porch. You laid in silence while you waited for your turn, knowing you wouldn’t be able to sleep in such a foreign place.

When it was the youngest turn to take watch, you sat and tracked his shadow as he left the dark room and slipped out the front door, mumbling a small greeting to Sunghoon who was finally coming in and joining the rest of the boys who were already asleep. You got up as slowly as you could and gently stepped over the bodies on the floor so you didn’t wake them up from their much needed rest, following Riki outside.

He whipped his head over when the door creaked up and sighed when he saw it was only you slowly closing it behind you. You glanced at him awkwardly and tried to decide wether to stand weirdly or to take the seat next to him on the small outside porch couch and risk upsetting him further.

“Just sit down.” He was mumbling once he noticed your dilemma and you hesitantly took the offer, sitting as far away from him as you could.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, listening to the sounds of the night and the woods while you ignored each other. You weren’t sure if you should speak first but he clearly knew why you followed him out here in the first place so you bit the bullet and started to talk before his shift ended.

“I have a brother around your age.” He picked his head up when you started to speak but you avoided looking at him for now. “You actually remind me of him sometimes, just the way you joke around. You’re a bit braver than him though but I’m sure he would’ve grown out of that eventually, you know? I didn’t mind it though… it came easy to me to take care of him.”

Riki wasn’t saying anything just yet but you could hear his breathing increase and you didn’t feel him looking at you anymore and he slowly understood what point you were trying to get across by opening up to him about this. You wanted him to understand why you did what you had for him and why it was second nature for you to step in like that once you thought he was in danger.

“I never though he was childish or a coward for needing my help sometimes, that’s what big sisters are for.” You took a pause so you could breathe, playing with your hands nervously. “It took him a long time to want to ever ask for it though… just too long I guess.”

You didn’t need to finish or directly say out loud what had happened to your brother, he picked it up as soon as you started talking about him.

He was scooting closer to you on the bench and you felt him grab your hand that was in your lap, stopping you from picking at your skin anxiously. You turned your head to look at him with a sad smile, biting your lip to try and stop from crying when you noticed how equally teary his expression was.

“You could’ve killed that walker.” You stated firmly and he nodded along with you, now fully understanding why you had. “Maybe I just didn’t want you to have to.”

Riki was still nodding and you felt slightly guilty now as you watched tears run down his face, avoiding looking at you again out of embarrassment. You wanted to tell him that it was okay if he wanted to cry, it was okay to still feel things in this world that weren’t fear and hunger but you weren’t sure that was even true so you didn’t dare voice it.

You stayed with him for the rest of his shift and when he eventually started to yawn and lose focus on your surroundings, you reassured him it was okay to go to bed and that you weren’t tired.

He hesitantly was leaving you out there and you although you were glad things were patched up between the two of you for the most part, you also felt a wave of relief over having a moment alone. It wasn’t lost on you that you were being trusted as part of the watch shift cycles, despite the fact you could easily disappear in the night and leave them with no warning if something stumbled upon the sleeping boys.

It was getting harder to deny what you were feeling more and more every passing hour the eight of you survived together.

It had bothered you when Riki was upset with you, deeply bothered you to the point of your skin crawling in nerves that you had done something wrong. You were distraught watching them all face hunger earlier this week and you felt deep sadness when they lost their camp and their home.

You especially didn’t want to consider what it meant that you liked listening to their stories around the fire. You thought Sunghoon was funny even when he didn’t seem like he realized he was telling a joke and it made your heart warm when Sunoo and Jungwon covered the sleeping older boys with blankets.

Heeseung was the worst of all, the most confusing part to all of this. You’d been most fearful of him at the beginning but the more you thought about him and his resolve, his brave heart taking leadership and treating the boys like they were more important than his own safety and survival, the more you liked being in his company.

He made you feel seen and human whenever he turned to ask for your opinion on something and he was surprisingly gentle whenever he spoke to you in hushed whispers or helped you over bits of debris in your pathway.

You liked these boys and you liked their hearts and love for each other that this world was slowly running out of.

Yet you couldn’t stop hearing the screams of your family and others you’d encountered, people you knew for months all the way to people you’d simply passed by on one of your runs. People didn’t last long in this world and it was a miracle that all seven of these boys were still together, still without major injury or setbacks.

Maybe that was the secret trick to it all, maybe their care and love for each other above all else was helping them survive and manage without facing the reality of your loved ones being tore away from you and ripped apart limb by limb.

It still made your stomach hurt to think about any of it though, it was never apart of your plan to care about somebody again after everything you’d lost and you were only feeling more and more certain in your decision to leave as fast as you could.

No matter what it takes.

[talkshowboyluvr]

lil treech rant bc i'm ANNOYING

the perception of treech has changed so drastically from the fandoms understanding of him when the book first came out to the movie. before the movie, the main agreement on treech's character was that he was a circus performer (still gen one of my fav he's, i love the idea of him being a performer im some way, though i usually make his parents past circus performers instead of himself) he had some clear trauma with touch (i personally make him autistic because of this, imagining sensory issues to be the main reason, though there are older theories abt past sa happening to him) and - one of my favourite ideas - was him being a foil to lucy gray.

both book treech and lucy gray were fairly passive until the ending of the games, both of them preferring not to engage in confrontation and instead kill in more sneaky ways (when someone wasn't looking, with poison and both seemed to be popular in the capitol.

i almost think the movie gives more proof of this with treech having the highest sponsor count after lucy gray and being the only other tribute we see struggle with guilt and morality during the games. both clearly cared about their district partners, both had a hand in their partners death. both seem to charm the capitol.

so, the majority of my own depictions of treech come to down to making him a sort of twisted version of lucy gray. his life is slightly harder than hers - i usually write him to be looking after his two sisters, struggling with a job in the lumberyard and being incredibly poor (more on that in a minute) - so he's naturally lost some of his spark.

he enjoys preforming, but sees it as a chore more often than not due to how tired he is these days, he's no longer truly happy in life.

i believe he's poor simply due to his outfit in the movie. everyone seems to be wearing something intricate, something that clearly has work and money put into it, while he's in his work clothes. i also imagine this would make him weak and much like katniss, i think he'd be underfed in his attempts to provide for his sisters and put them above himself.

a lot of the time, i see people act as though him joining the pack in the movie didn't make any sense when compared to the book, and though i agree it does change the plot, i don't think it at all changes his character. he's a coward in both book and movie, he avoids confrontation in the book, only steals from the already weakened and hides the entire games. in the movie he leaves lamina despite wishing to stay with her as he's more concerned with his safety that with being courageous.

personally, i think book treech may have also joined the pack if given the chance. i do think his survival would always come above morality for him, no matter how clear it is that the guilt tears his up about it.

treech's death, however, is the most impactful for me in both the book and movie. in the book you see a boy so desperate for comfort that he latches onto lucy gray's embrace, or you could instead see a boy so fearful of touch that he freezes in her arms. either way, he's clearly filled with rage when the snake bites, because book treech knew he was going home. he could have beaten lucy gray and reaper had rabies - treech had practically already been basking in his victory.

then a snake latched onto him and in his final moments he bashed the snake to death in revenge as he couldn't reach lucy gray.

movie treech, however, was in agony. he didn't digest the poison as dill did, meaning it instead would have had to enter his bloodstream, which would have been more painful and slower. you can see him covering his face, shaking, retching and practically sobbing before he dies, all while he's ignored and left to lay there forgotten.

movie treech is also never placed in the morgue and book treech's body is dragged around by lucy gray, so even after death he's the only tribute never left to rest :)

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

Hi! I am fond of your fics, ty for blessing the fandom with such content :D /pos

As for the request... How about a short&sweet movie!goldenheart thingy with precanon transgender Ballister being a bit self-conscious abt his body and Ambrosius reassuring him (goes perfect with your body worship hc tbh)

Might be T, might be E, it's all up to you XD

(Should have I really turned the anonymous option on? I feel like it's really obvious who I am atp)

Anyway I hope you're having a great day and you get paid a lot of money B)

Hi hi yes finally finished this one, stranger!!! I am so glad you enjoy my work and I hope you enjoy this one!!! Ambrosius loves his man so much stg

Cw: referenced sex, some gender dysphoria (obviously) and minor internalized transphobia

Ballister admired his facial hair in the mirror. He'd been terribly proud ever since it had started growing in, and he'd cut his hair. He was grateful for the resources available to him that he never before would have been able to access as a kid on the street. Yes, his face was finally molding into a shape he liked to see.

His body was a bit of a different story. He was elated, of course, when he got approved for top surgery, but the scars were still very visible against his skin, they hadn't faded yet. He hoped that his chest hair would make them harder to see. And all that's not even mentioning that he'd not been able to get bottom surgery yet. The damn Institution said it would interrupt his training too long because of the recovery time.

It's not like it would matter. Ballister could avoid mirrors for the rest of his life if he needed. He'd never had to deal with his own body much. He was very good at distancing himself from it. That is, until, his best friend turned into his boyfriend and that relationship turned from innocent to sexual very fast.

It was hot, and fun, but honestly a bit awkward and miserable at first. Ballister thought Ambrosius was straight at one point. If a straight man liked him, what did that mean? Did the person he trusted most in the world see him as something other than who he really was? Then he found out that Ambrosius was gay and that was somehow just as stressful because what if he wasn't enough? What if his partner was biding his time until Ballister got surgery? What if he didn't like him as he was? What if he never did?

Ballister startled when Ambrosius entered the room, his lover's eyes immediately widened and he bit his lip. “Hey, sexy.” He slinked his way over and nibbled Ballister's neck, slinking his arms around his waist. “How lucky do I have to be to come home to the hottest man in the world topless in my dorm?”

Ballister snorted, as if it wasn't practically their dorm. He slept here and half his stuff was here, because this dorm was much nicer than his. They used his dorm as storage and a hangout to play video games in. They actually lived here.

“I'm happy I can be topless in your dorm, finally.” Ballister chuckled with awkward intonation, and Ambrosius kissed his shoulder. “I'm happy too, that you feel comfortable doing so. But you always could if you'd wanted, your body was never and could never be a problem for me. I just want you to be happy!”

Ballister smiled. “Really? Even if– Even without– I don't know. I'm masculine enough for you? I mean, you're gay, and you've known me since we were kids.”

Ambrosius gave him a look and caressed the stubble on his cheek. “I’ve always liked you. Gave me a whole crisis about my sexuality before you came out, because I exclusively liked men except for, I thought, you. Turns out my gay ass knew something about you before you told me.” He chuckled. “You've only gotten hotter, but you've always been perfect, and you'll always be more than man enough for me. Plus, no offense, Bal, I don't think you've got quite enough in the way of feminine wiles to drive my man-loving ass away.”

Ballister glanced at the mirror and burst out laughing at the sight of his muscular, bulky, hairy body contrasted with the phrase "feminine wiles". It wasn't that those things couldn't be feminine, but they certainly weren't in his case, and the idea of anyone seeing, let alone being attracted to him as a straight woman seemed a bit ridiculous upon reflection. “Alright, alright. Thanks.”

Ambrosius grinned and kissed him, fingers fiddling with the waistband of his shorts. “Now that that's settled, would you be interested in me sucking your dick and fingering you? I've got a couple hours before my next class.”

Ballister smirked, “Only if I can suck your dick and finger you.”

Ambrosius pretended to be contemplative for a moment despite the excitement that flashed behind his eyes. “Hm, yeah, I suppose I'd be amenable to that.” He grinned and in another instant, their bodies were melded together, just two young men in love.

[halfagone]

hi, hello, big fan! literally all of your writing is so good and top tier and i love every second of anything of urs i've read. which the most recent thing i read was ur jason and danny big hero 6 story. and i was so excited bc i love big hero 6, and u served like u do every time. that voice recording from mech-Robin took me out into a puddle of my own tears.

that being said i had a potential scene stuck in my head after i read that and i need to make it ur problem so here (i love love sibling angst) :

(kinda playing on ur implied engineer/inventor jason and implied danny's weakness being electricity above a certain threshold):

danny' despite telling dick that he would do a last patrol to say good bye, does not actually do that. he can't. not after- he has jason's face. he calls himself the red hood apparently. murder, mob boss, assassin, call him whatever you want. danny knows jason and that- that's not words people use for jason.

danny knows all abt pple coming back. first hand. that- that was is jason. they fought a few times. danny tried to figure out what was going on. either red hood (bc hes not jason- not yet) is being extremely tight lipped, or he doesn't know wither.

this time had been like every other time this past week danny encountered red hood in jason's turf (it would always be jason's, danny was just taking care of it). they met on a roof top, or rather danny had intercepted him. dick had told him not to go, said red hood was too dangerous, no one knew how far he was capable to go, what he was capable of doing. (danny didn't have the words to tell dick who was under the hood). danny didn't listen.

danny could tell red hood was getting annoyed of him. he was being more and more drastic, trying to get in heavier hits. if danny wasn't already half-way dead, hood would've gotten him there himself by now.

so when hood turned to look at danny, almost expecting- ready for a fight- danny hadn't been surprised. they fought like the always did. hood tried to kill, danny tried to subdue- get through to him. you can't kill whats already dead.

but hood was trying getting as close as anyone had gotten. a weird metal rope rapped itself around danny's foot, and before he had the chance to go intangible and get rid of it, electricity spiked through it.

danny could handle regular electricity, wall circuits, random door nobs, chargers - he was fine.

this- this was not normal electricity.

danny couldn't stop the scream that came out of his mouth as he crumbled to the floor in pain. pain that he'd only ever felt once before- thought he would never feel again. after all you can only die once.

danny did have a way with breaking rules though.

"danny!" he heard dick yell for him.

"danny you're hurt. on a scale from 1-10 how much pain do you feel." robin came out from it's hiding spot danny had told it to stay in. he didn't want jason to make that connection. if he even remembered.

"fucking a thousand." he barley managed before everything went dark.

-

dick knew he should've tried harder to stop him. should've known the kid would need more than a measly tracker. at least a comm, at least some good tech. not like they were short on funds. dick was suck a goddamn idiot to only realize that when he heard the most thought shattering scream of pain in his life.

"danny!" he screamed, not even thinking of code names.

"nightwing. what happened?" oracle asked in his ear.

he didn't have time to respond, only focusing on getting to danny as fast as he could. he's promised jason- god damit dick- you promised jason that u'd take the kid if smt happened to him. he would screwier dick if he had even known that he let danny go out vigilanting in crime ally of all places. unsupervised at that.

red hood towered over an unconscious but still withering in pain danny, crow bar in hand, ready to make the kill.

dick knew he couldn't get there in time. "danny!" he cried again, not feeling this helpless since his last circus act. oracle said something urgently, then b, but dick couldn't hear over the static in his own head.

red hood heard him that time. the crow bar inches away from danny's skull froze from what would've been a critical hit.

"danny?" he heard red hood's robotic voice echo from under the mask, but he didn't let the implied confusion deter him. he tackled him to the floor.

hood stayed there. watching dick as he untied the metal rope from danny's foot and called be to bring the batmobile and for someone to prep the medbay.

dick felt danny's pulse. it was light, feint, almost gone.

he could work with almost.

"danny." red hood said again, this time more sure of something.

there was something familar about the way he said that, but dick couldn't figure out why. (it sounded like jason) it didn't matter, because he would make sure danny never had to take on red hood again. not on his own.

he made a promise and he would keep it.

---

sorry i didn't think it would be that long, but it was such a bad itch in my brain and i needed to get it out.

OH MY GOSH YOU USED THE LINE

Poor Dick, he's Trying™ so hard but you cannot save/solve everything 😔 But also I'm sure this was intentional but that very similar parallel to the Joker was Concerning. Still oh so angsty though, thank ye for that. This is why I shouldn't be allowed to write for Whumptober, and yes I'm still thinking about writing for Whumptober despite of that lol

But all this was inspired by "On a scale from 1-10?" asfhjdsgh

But you are right that fic was very emotional (it didn't help that I wasn't feeling the greatest at the time so I probably added some extra angst as a result lol) I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! It was very heavy so I know not a lot of people could/would read it, but to know that there are fans out there, that really did enjoy it 🥺 Thank you so much for sharing <3

[dballzposting]

i feel inclined to add on to that ask abt movies (cuz i love watching movies).

Trunks to me speaks to me as a person who at one point expected the stuff he watches to change him a little. To help him think in a different perspective and challenge his preconceptions or. SOMETHING. hes the kind of guy to try to watch movies like 2001 space odyssey but by the end of it, just looks up the ending explained. he has to try to get anything out of it. I don't think he liked trainspotting. I don't think he knew what to make of The Shining. Trunks would almost certainly try to not get bored at the beginning of Pulp Fiction (the bulk of that movie is talking). But he'll still go see movies in theaters or watch whatever he's got laying around in the house though.

He thinks he's watching movies to gain something but tbh ? Trunks has been watching movies all his life, and it might just feel rly weird to suddenly. not to. If that makes grammatical sense. I think it just gets too quiet in his house. His mom's always working on something in her lab, vegeta's always in his training room, etc etc. so he puts em on to chill. Even if he doesn't really get them sometimes. Bulma seems like the type to do the same thing while she works, maybe he gets it from her.

That's probably why watching movies with goten is so interesting though. He can really get to the core of what it's trying to say, engage with the story and themes on a meaningful level and come up with his OWN well constructed analysis with an infectious enthusiasm reminiscent of the way Gohan talks about entomology.

And Goten, country bumpkin that he is, probably hasn't even seen more than MAX 30 movies in his life (ever) besides whatever soaps his mom leaves on. he's glad trunks invites him over to watch this stuff. At the end of analyzing whatever film they saw I think he'd be like Waow. That was so cool Trunks thank you for showing me this :-) can I borrow this dvd and never give it back and Trunks will be like yeah man thats cool I'm glad you liked it so much. I have a bunch more laying around it's whatever. (He found a lot of these movies in this "guest" room he's never really been inside of. It still has a lot of stuff from before he was born.)

I think that's so interesting.. that Trunks is familiar with the elements present in film but because it's familiar, it's harder to parse how or why these elements are meshed together to make the whole. he's just "watching" them without really thinking about anything and as such, doesn't gain anything.

But because Goten isn't accustomed to watching movies all the time, he can look with unclouded eyes. Not just watching, but observing and taking all of it in.

Its the difference between hearing and listening if that makes sense.

(One last tidbit which isn't super important. I mentioned earlier a guest room. It was yamcha's. When he moved out, he didn't really take a lot of things with him, choosing to leave some of his clothes and most of his movies behind. Bulma probably told him that he could just leave his stuff there in case he ever wanted to visit. The only movie he bothered to take with him was Caddyshack. For some reason. Why)

peace 🌷

I mean this as a kindly reminder and I'm saying this to everyone: you can always make your own post / reblog the post in question in order to add on to it. You can get your name out there. Look alive... It's showtime. I mean I will always faithfully post asks (I cannot guarantee in a timely manner) but never forget your options there.

(For instance perhaps posting your own words on your own post stands to grant them more respect, rather than forcing them through the filter of somebody else's input in order to be posted - as is the reality of sending asks. I can tell when someone really cares, and I appreciate that, and I try to be faithful to that, but I also like to babble. Maybe some posts ought to be stand-alone?)

(Gotta raise my glass to this though becasue i found out today [I would have found out a week ago if I had bothered to check my email] that I may or may not be helping my school start a film club so TBH i gotta appreciate this ..... and I gotta respect the grinde.... It's funny thouhg because you know I actually hate watching movies. When the time comes I ought to come back to you and the other user for recommendations. Well anyway back to the ask)

OK Well this is some real shit you just said. I fully agree. It coheres with what was already said although with some extra sensitivity ...

Reposting this segment for a TL;DR becasue I thought it was an elegant conclusion:

Trunks is familiar with the elements present in film but because it's familiar, it's harder to parse how or why these elements are meshed together to make the whole. he's just "watching" them without really thinking about anything and as such, doesn't gain anything. But because Goten isn't accustomed to watching movies all the time, he can look with unclouded eyes.

I mean really it all comes down to Trunks being a Modern CityBoy; he's used to background noise, he's used to mindless entertainment. Goten doesn't have things in his life that are meant to be taken for granted, though, so that just makes him overall more attentive and appreciative.

That's the greater discussion here ... A veiled call for action for us all to try to look with fresh eyes upon our own lives ....

Really, If Trunks isn't taking to the creative storytelling aspect of it, he should at least take a shining to the technological artistry. Maybe he doesn't care why or when, but he does know HOW they do what they do. That'd be swagg. But then he'd have to do research on something that isn't Minecraft related. Sighhhh

BTW Thanjk you for addsing that Caddyshack bit in there for me. Mondo appreciated <3

[halo-lll-odst]

can you tell us abt your ocs :]? any one of them maybe even multiple of them !! if you want

SCREAMS SOFUCKING LOUD OH MY GOD THANK YOU LOOKSS AT YOU WITH MY BIG AUTISTIC EYES ok well i have a handful, but the one i've been posting about most is spring/her universe!!! i should probably post about her more but thats a different subject lol spring is a character i made in 2019 i think? tbh, she used to be a throwaway character. sorta character you made when you were younger simply because you wanted to, but with me getting into ultrakill in recent months and rediscovering my love for robotic characters i decided to revamp her and rewrite aspects of her story basically, she was human at one point. she went through a procedure called a "transfer", because she was terminally ill. what a transfer entails is basically just turning a person into a computer. converting biological workings to those of a computer's. this grants the patient virtual immortality, but of course with limited technology, loss of many senses physically. the biggest problem is that spring did not give full consent to have this procedure done on her. in fact, she didn't even know it existed. the only reason it was done is because her widowed mother was a scientist working on researching and refining the technology, working at a facility a ways outside of the town they lived in to advance this. also before i go forwards i should say that the story takes place in the past actually. only by about 20 years, so early 2000's, i'm thinking 2001 specifically. though, when spring's transfer happens, it's 1988. since spring was terminally ill, she was in and out of the hospital a lot, getting check-ups, physical therapy, or otherwise. when her condition dipped, long hospital stays weren't out of the ordinary. in 1988, this same thing happened. she went into the hospital, expecting to be out in just a few days, maybe up to a week. this wasn't anything new to her. she had danced with death before and had basically accepted it. (btw in 1988 she's 19) but her condition quickly begins to decline, and she falls unconscious, having to be put on life support. her mother, in a panic and frankly having planned and prepared for this since she expected the worst, packs her up in the middle of the night, and heads to the facility in an ambulance, just with her and her daughter. there, the procedure is done. she couldn't bear to lose her daughter, what else could she have done besides just letting her slip away? i'm still working out the logistics of this story (despite how illogical it all is) so this part i'm still torn on? but for whatever reason, spring goes dormant. she won't respond to anyone or anything in this new state she finds herself in, and her mother panics. she thinks she killed her daughter. she failed, everything she worked for just reduced to nothing in an instant. a year or two goes by, and spring's mother, overcome with guilt and sadness, moves away from the state that she lived in with her daughter after her supposed death and subsequent funeral, and throws herself into her work harder than ever. she never wants anything like this to happen to anyone ever again, and wants to make sure others can live happily with their relatives for as long as they want to. she wants to be able to save those lives that are so kind, so pure. those who went before their time. needless to say, spring's mother is. fucked up later, in 2001, spring is still being housed in the facility she was originally transferred in. however, she is just being held as more of a case file than anything in a storage wing of the facility, or so everyone thinks. OK I'M GONNA NEED TO POST THIS IN PIECES BECAUSE TUMBLR IS BROKEN AND WON'T LET ME POST IT OTHERWISE LMFAO. ALSO I HIT THE TEXT LIMIT. ALSO SORRY FOR TAKING ALMOST A WEEK TO ANSWER

[socialbunny]

15 questions for 15 mutuals :3

i was tagged by @annieshowell, @obsoletepixels, @goatskickin, @shitysimp, @sicksadsim and @jsasimmer <3333333333 thanks guys ily >:3

are you named after anyone? no, my mom had two names she wanted to pick for me and she and my dad settled on the one i have. but she was alsoo watching this movie in the hospital and one of the characters has my exact birth name so i think that cemented the name lol. and my name dirk, i named myself after dirk dreamer bc he's so me fr

when was the last time you cried? can't remember exactly

do you have kids? No I don't need that that in my life rn

do you use sarcasm a lot? I dooo, never in a mean way tho bc i feel like using sarcasm to mask how u feel abt some1 is pussy fr. i love joking around and poking fun and just being silly and weird and chillin like? irl personality is hit or miss with people. ive been told i talk back too much or always have something to say like? 😭

what sports do you play/have you played? when i was in elementary school i was in a dance group (terrible at it i have no rhythm at all it's honestly embarrassing) and when i was in high school i was in a tennis class (which was a PE alternative where we honestly never did shit tbh, towards the end of the school year we'd just be in the computer lab most of the time) and i considered joining the actual team but i also sucked at it 😭 and i really don't like doing team shit esp sports bc people start acting weird and i start getting real agitated.

what's the first thing you notice about other people? like physical i guess their outfit and hair and other shit i wear my glasses forr but shittttt, like just talking to someone i can catch their vibe really quick. just the way someone talks can tell you a lot abt them

eye color? Brown

scary movies or happy endings? it really depends on what the movie is

any special talents? nothing in particular i can think of. i think anything i do i'm really good at but not especially good at you know. i used to be told i'm really good at drawing but i was told this by the type of ppl who say they cant draw a stick figure so. take that as u will

where were you born? Texas 🤠

what are your hobbies? I love drawing and writing and reading and all the shit in that sphere of hobbies in theory 😭 been in a slump lately and doing shit seems harder than it needs to be. I love watching animation analysis and critiques, and listening to those 3hr vids of ppl talking abt shit i will never watch or care about while i do other bullshit. i really like making renders right now it gives me something to do without getting distracted too much. i also love playing really old shitty video games that have pages of cut content on tcrf

do you have any pets? No :( never had any pets when i was a kid either bc my mom had a whole bunch of dogs as a child and she didnt fw the idea of having any more animals in her house

how tall are you? 5'4 :)

fave subject in school? I love English (predictably I guess 😭)

dream job? i'd love to work in the animation industry in any way possible <3 or work in tv in general. probably have my own cartoon some day but thats such a stretchhhhhhhh i cant even work on my sims fanfiction or any oc shit LMAO. if not then i'd accept nothing less than a job where i don't have to talk to a lot of people and get payed billions of dollars to do bullshit

i dont have 15 ppl to tag since i do ask games so slowlyyyyy but i'll tag @despairoftheendless, @junkskoer, @faghotline and @hyperthinks !!! <3

[gaudebo]

i see youre a fan of orcs and as a fellow fan of orcs that just realized theyre usually depicted problematically, im here to ask you how you like to see orcs? i have a dnd-ish story with a friend and my character is an orc and i realized i was feeding a little bit into the harmful stereotypes and issues with orcs and i want to change that but wasn't sure of ideas and i just wanted to hear what you have to say on the topic of orcs in general or with this topic in mind, but only if you want to!

First of all I am genuinely delighted to receive this ask!! I love talking about orcs so much and the fact that I have a reputation as an orc enthusiast is delightful!

I’ve already written a whole post abt orc Lore and how I think it can be improved upon here but if you’re looking for more general character advice I can do that too!

The biggest thing is that an orc should be a character like any other. Your orc should have more depth than Big, Dumb, and Angry. You have so many options at your disposal especially in a DND-esque setting! Don’t get so caught up in the stereotypical idea of what an orc is that you forget to have fun! You could have a bookworm wizard orc or a quiet, mysterious ranger orc, or any other kind of character you could make as a human or an elf! The world is your oyster. orcster. (We’ll workshop that one.)

That’s not even to say that you can’t make a Big Dumb Angry orc but in that case: how do they feel about interacting with others? What problems does their anger cause them? Do they ever feel hampered by their tendency to solve problems with violence? And also: what makes them so angry? If the answer is “something innate to them makes them violent” then you have a problem. But if it’s something like “a terrible tragedy struck and since that time they push everyone away so they don’t get hurt again” that’s a story! You can use that for depth and flavor!

Plus: you can use the character’s experience as an orc for even more characterization. If you have a bookworm-y orc, how do they feel about everyone expecting them to be stupid? Do they have to work harder than their colleagues to make up for the stigma? For a stereotypically angry and dumb orc, does it hurt to know that that’s all anyone ever thinks they could be? Do they feel pressured into that role by society? Do they have another choice?

Basically: orcs are characters to love and cherish like any other. The biggest problem with the negative portrayals of orcs is that so often they’re designed as enemies that a PC can slaughter without guilt. They’re hostile and stupid and unlovable so you don’t have to feel bad about killing them. Unfortunately, that ties back into orcs as an amalgamation of the most negative stereotypes about people of color. The same justification has been used to commit atrocities against real people in real life! But I digress.

Your orc should be a person! They should have family and friends, and if they don't, there should be an established in-character reason. They should have wants and desires and dreams and flaws! They should be more than a 2-dimensional caricature. If you keep that in mind, it will be a lot easier to avoid playing into the harmful stereotypes because they are designed to diminish the Personhood of orcs in universe!

Thank you so much for asking me for my opinion because I love to share it! I hope you have fun reworking your character! Feel free to come back anytime :]

[izzy-b-hands]

So. I'm allowing myself a vent post or two abt Stuff in the Brain today that won't fuck off, but it'll all be under a cut if I feel I'm at risk of being too wordy so folks don't gotta see this if they don't wanna. And on this one I did get wordy, multi-paragraphs so. fair warning if u decide to be brave and read thru it lol

I'm behind on getting Mum a bday gift. Like two weeks behind. Partially bc money, partially bc the thing I really wanted to get her involves bidding on ebay and attempting to win a listing (and I just haven't managed it yet lmao), and partially bc like:

For once I've been living my life for me, thinking abt me and Housemate first and foremost, and focusing on what I actually want/need from day to day, and that means I'm away from my phone a bit more than usual, which means I've missed some calls and texts from Mum and just haven't been as Available via phone/apps/etc as I've been in the past

(including one time in the last week or so where Housemate and I stepped aside to the kitchen to make ourselves mac n cheese, and Mum was late to calling me for a planned call, so I figured I was safe to leave the phone by the couch while we cooked. Nope! In that less than half hour, 25 mins at most that it took us to finish mac and get plated up, she figured we'd both A. fallen down the stairs and were now dying from brain bleeds while the cats sniffed us in panic and fear B. decided to cut her out of my life forever and so now I wasn't going to be answering her calls (tho this point I didn't know until a much more recent text where she admitted to it and did say she was ashamed of feeling that way.) )

So I really need to get something out to her, either the chocolates I was planning on sending for her and the family from a local shop, the Snoopy Build-A-Bear plushie with a lil 'I miss you' tshirt and a voice thingy inside it with me telling her to remember that I love her and am always grateful for her help and care and things like that, whatever will fit lol (this is the fucker that triggered this whole train crash of a set of thoughts today lmao), and/or something from one of the ebay listings I've been trying to get (I just need to accept it and pay the buy it now price considering what the thing is isn't like. Uber rare? But apparently Bon Jovi doesn't have their figurines made any more, so they're a bit harder to find and I'm gonna risk not getting one at all if I don't just. do the dang thing lmao)

I'm thinking the Snoopy would be best/easiest for rn, but I keep getting stuck on what I'll say for the recording and it's so dumb but like:

I know, for the sake of both of us and the deeply grown and intertwined sort of emotionally incest-flavoured codependency Mum and I have, we probably should eventually try going NC or LC for at least like. a month or two in the future? Probably even a bit longer? Not as like a 'this is forever' thing (unless something would happen that would point to that as the best option for both of us), but just until we can maybe both heal a bit and work closer towards something even vaguely approaching a more normal mother/son relationship.

And the particular fear is very silly but like. I'd hate to say the things I have planned, that I mean (I do love her, and I know she does her best, and so I'm grateful for every bit and every sort of help she's ever given or will ever give me), and then we someday go NC or LC, and she's hurt by having the plush and audio around as a reminder of how things were before. I could see her throwing it away in a fit, and then being so sad and begging for a new one by the next day. And I'd want to get her one. I don't know if that's right of me or not.

Like, the trauma has me Entirely overthinking this and I know it's ridiculous, you know? But still. Got the Build-A-Bear tab open on my phone bc the chocolate is at least partially to be shared, so that's Not Enough as a partial belated bday gift; and I'd like to hit another paycheck (or part of it, since the uni rarely puts the full fucking direct deposit in on scheduled payday lmao) before I try for the Bon Jovi figurine (and hope it isn't bought before that point.) So the plush is really the best choice, and I don't want to wait any longer to send anything out bc like. Her bday was at the beginning of March, this is fucking ridiculous of me and not how I like handling gifts at all, for anyone!!

Fingers crossed I just. Get the fucking recording done, get it ordered and have them send it out to her, and that'll be enough until I can get my hands on a figurine and/or order the chocolates and candies for her, her bf, and to share with the rest of the family.

[lesbian-gnf-archive]

(im lurker anon but im going to assign myself an emoji now)

THOSE PICTURES ARE SOOOO TELLING like tone it down boy. i havent stopped to watched any of their streams (i was a huge fan of minecraft when i was a kid but i havent played in ages and im not too interested in gaming) but they seem soooo sweet together :] i see their clips around here a lot and its always very nice! might watch some of their streams when i have the time

its so weird to know how people were mean to dream when he came out because it cant get any more vile than that. sexuality is a very personal thing and i think everybody should have their freedom to explore it in whichever way they feel most comfortable. being under the public eye at all times must make the experience so much harder :/ but glad hes feeling comfortable with his community to share his experiences and explore his queerness!! thats really really nice and im happy for him

also pls pls tell the rose quartz elephant story im so curious about it - 🌼

Hello hello hello!! Ur right he's always been uhmmm Like That like the fact that he looks the same when talking to him before and after seeing his face and it's always been so full of love and warmth and ohhhhh he loves that boy to death.

They are the sweetest, they have been friends together since 2016 and Dream said that he was 19 and cocky and studied the YouTube algorithm so he went to George who just finished college with a computer science degree and said "I'm going to blow up, come with me" and now three/four years later Dream has 31 million subscribers and George has 10 million and they live together and also with their other best friend Sapnap (who Dream met when he was 13 and Sapnap was 11 on a hunger games server, Sapnap said "type 123 for Skype team" and Dream responded "123" and they've been best friends since and call each other brother even if not through blood, they're very sweet and I love them). And they're dating and they're in love and they've made it and I'm so proud of them.

I strongly recommend watching their streams if u ever have the time!! And honestly I'd even recommend Dream's manhunt videos, they changed Minecraft YouTube community to what it is today and Dream edits them to be very cinematic and to tell a story. You don't really have to like or know anything abt Minecraft to enjoy them, they're just overall really fun and cool (the last one was February 2022 it's also one of my faves).

And yeah, Dream has always suffered a lot online because he was faceless for most of his career so it was easy for antis to be cruel bc they couldn't associate him as a person. And when he face revealed it had already been 3 years of dehumanizing him that it just kind of happened, he's somehow become the internet's scapegoat and my heart breaks for him. But thankfully he doesn't care that much and he's living his best life now that he can go outside for the first time in 3 years and enjoy life and experience it all again and this time with his boyfriend and brother

[madeintimeland]

8 and 32 for the "talk about" asks? :D

8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.

god i get so embarrassed answering this kind of question irl usually i will just tell them my high school honors or w/e but in reality its. the fact im rank 70 worldwide in audiosurf 2 (peaked at 69 but ive been away from the game for a bit)

i dedicated so much fucking time grinding this game and ive genuinely seen myself improve at it more than i have at any other talent ive ever tried to refine or practice before in my life. and i feel ashamed cuz its just a game and one im miserably addicted to to boot but also music fun and i think the things i can do now are pretty impressive. i still never got my recording settings working right so i never posted stuff to yt but id like to eventually

32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

OH...this is a really good one actually, i recently came across this yt video on my recommendations randomly;

this probably says a lot about my upbringing but i went here multiple times as a little kid even for bdays sometimes and i have so many...really vague memories of this place but its one of those things that you just know has worked its way into your subconscious in some inescapable way. like i see it in my dreams n shit. so seeing this about how its apparently god fucking awful nowadays makes me so sad, itd be nice to see it cleaned up while having its authentic aesthetic preserved..... i dunno man its always sad hearing about places that have deteriorated but it hit a little harder when its somewhere you have personal connection to. and it was so random to have it show up in my reccs i dont even watch that much travel stuff nor have i googled anything abt the place in years. strange!

[catfuyus]

What if I asked to hear more Abt your racer mikey self ship 🥺🫰

noooo ! if you ask about my mikey selfship I’ll never be able to shut up about it ! 😂😂 but okay fine only because u asked 😏💕😂

꒰ MOTORCYCLIST MIKEY ꒱

The fun part about Mikey’s job is that it doesn’t actually keep him super busy ! He practices on the track a few times a week and is expected to keep himself physically fit for the other half. That means when he’s not hanging around the boys at work, he’s usually being a menace and bothering me at our shared apartment 😂 he gets weekends off and is usually home before I am. This completely changes during racing season tho !

& he technically has his own place ! a much nicer apartment in downtown roppongi that he still rents despite spending all his time in my crappy studio. I think he keeps it just in case anyone else needs it, emma & draken will borrow it from time to time, and it’s nice to have a place to crash when we go out drinking

despite him having his own place, he refers to my apartment as his, and the other one he refers to as the “spare” >_> sometimes when I joke about him paying for half since it’s our apartment he agrees too quickly and I’m like wait !! I was joking !! 😂

꒰ FAMILY & FRIENDS ꒱

we spend most of our weekends with emma & draken and babysit whenever they ask ! which isn’t too often & we’ve gotten pretty good at it x3 we don’t see takemichi as often as we see Kenchin, but when we do mikey loses it 😂 he is so clingy !! literally like a puppy jumping all over him and dragging him around ! sometimes they go off and do their own thing and that leaves me with hina to complain about him 😂

there have been a few several occasions where mikey’s asked if takemichi can move in 😂 and I’m like “when did you move in ??” but he asks again and I have to remind him that takemichi is married and we have to share custody with hina ! 😂

꒰ APPEARANCE ꒱

he definitely gets way more tattoos as a professional after dating me than he did before ! I’m tryna get all tatted so whenever I go in for one he ends up getting one too x3 we don’t have any matching ones yet but he somehow managed to jump ahead of me and got a full sleeve finished. he also has a neck tat, knuckle tats, and song lyrics script in my handwriting under his collar bones.

still no jewelry ! though his ears are pierced. he has a silver ring he sometimes wears on his right middle finger (with my name engraved on the inside) but he only wears it on non-racing days (‘cause the metal hurts his hand the harder he grips the handles when he’s serious !) when he can’t wear it it hangs from a chain around his neck x3

he doesn’t dress any better as an adult ! loves baggy, comfortable clothing and even steals my oversized shirts sometimes ! he’s always in sweatpants at home and if we go out he’ll prob still be in something he wore to the gym earlier.

we both dye our hair black & it’s always messy ! he lets me play with it whenever and sometimes he lets it go blonde when I tell him I miss it that way 🥺 dying our hair together is a bit of a bonding experience though and he always just ends up dying it again anyway 😂

꒰ DATING STYLE ꒱

mikey is generally pretty laid back and nonchalant, I think being in a relationship really stabilizes him in a way he didn’t expect. like yea he’s clingy sometimes and sometimes won’t get out of bed, but it’s a very relaxed relationship that feels very secure & safe 🥺 we hold hands when we go out, or sometimes he’ll have an arm around my waist. steals food off my plate and leans his chin on my shoulder when he gets tired. everything is very natural & supportive & I think it gives him a sense of belonging that he doesn’t usually feel outside of his friend and family group. like he used to wonder who he’d be without them, and now he’s like more secure in who he is as an individual. like he’s capable of building his own life without the worry that he might be too destructive

And yea !! I’ve been talking about this for WAYYYY too long !! 😂😂 thank you for letting me ramble on endlessly ! I just have so many thoughts about my baby in this little selfship 🥺💕 I have EVEN MORE thoughts about him but I think I’ve been rambling for long enough 😂😂

I WANNA HEAR ABOUT U & HANMA THO !! Tell me about your selfship too !! 😂