#my mom will engage in a lot of conflict behavior. i engage in a lot of avoidant behavior

[waitmyturtles]

Jumping into the Cooking Crush familial fray...

I've lately been a bit behind on all my dramas, but I did see percolating over the weekend a great conversation among drama friends and fiends about interpretations of Asian parenting tactics, family values, interfamily communication, and intergenerational trauma regarding Cooking Crush.

This past weekend's episode 11 seemed to bring up a lot. I feel like one of my Reasons for Being on Tumblr is to share thoughts on Asian family dynamics, structures, and tensions regarding our beloved Asian dramas, so I am simply going to add a few extra thoughts to @neuroticbookworm's absolutely FANTASTIC post here that meditates on the ongoing conflict between Ten and his father.

Before I jump into NBW's amazing post, I want to linky-poo some previous writing that I've done on Asian cultural touchpoints in other shows:

Poor Bad Buddy got the Asian analytical treatment here and here

Only Friends and Mew's lesbian moms being Asian moms first, here

A meditation specifically on BBS's Dissaya and saving face, here (which, in regards to her conflict with Ming, we should note, directly led to her literally sending her son physically away from her to continue the family feud)

When I watch our beloved Asian shows, as an Asian-American, I am clicking unconsciously into certain assumptions about how Asian parents and children WILL behave when parents are called for in a show (I emphasized this specifically in my OF piece about Mew's moms). I expect there to be either filial piety present, or struggles with it. I expect to see elder hierarchy and/or issues with elder respect. I expect to see issues regarding saving face. I expect to see issues regarding conditional love, and how a child should act so a parent may boast and/or save face with their external social circles. I expect to see issues regarding independence and parental control over... just about everything in a child's life, from their education to their partners. (Think of King's parents in Bed Friend, and how his parents were ready to arrange a marriage for him; Tian's parents sending him to America in A Tale of Thousand Stars, etc.)

Shows that DON'T deal with these issues -- shows that have wonderfully understanding parents, like Thun's mom in He's Coming To Me, and Pete's dad in Dark Blue Kiss, are also realistic, because of course, nothing is universal, and there are understanding and unconditionally loving parents in every culture.

But most of the Asian shows that we watch have themes like filial piety and elder respect/control present, and it's up to the show's writers to figure out how these elements play into the plots that they're writing.

Through @neuroticbookworm's post, I see that some in the Cooking Crush fandom are calling for Ten's dad to apologize for his hypocrisy in calling Ten out for hitting Chang Ma, while we have seen Ten's dad slapping Ten.

I want to get into how Ten engages with his father in a second, because it's pretty rare in Asian shows to see a child so directly combative, so consistently, with a parent figure. But before that, NBW makes an excellent point with the following:

But, I understand it when my friends, and Asian characters in TV shows, don’t want to force things out in the open if it can be swept under the rug for the time being, because peace of mind in Asian households is fleeting and you would be wise to take what you get.

This is a very important point that those of us in the social services are hammered with -- in other words, how do individuals, as they are growing up, adjust their behaviors to keep the stability of their family bonds either strong, or at least not weak enough to break? How does a child learn to adapt and/or cope for the sake of the other older individuals in their families who DEMAND compliance with their own emotional needs?

Ten has a combative relationship with his father -- but he's still done everything his father has asked for, save for staying away from Prem. As @respectthepetty previously noted, Fire becomes submissive around pressure and high-tension individuals and situations -- because that's how he's learn to cope vis à vis his mother and his upbringing.

This framing -- these specific, generational, tension-informed family dynamics that we see ad nauseam in Asian dramas -- do not lead to an automatic assumption among Asian audiences that apologies would emanate from the parental generation. Especially because the previous generational paradigm is that children have and should go along with the flow of parental control and demands -- as Ten and Fire have so far done.

In Asian collectivist societies and mentalities -- to combat against that flow of control would lead to a breaking of the peace among the family unit, in NBW's words.

I would even go so far as to say that an apology from a parent is as much of a fictional ending fantasy as a perfect romantic ending. And damn, what we have to go through to get an apology. NBW brought up Double Savage, which was so awfully messy -- we got a parental apology only after a not-at-fault child had to unnecessarily apologize first. The show made the children work beyond basic emotional ethics to get that parental apology. That's how rare it is for us Asians to expect a parent to apologize. (And NBW notes so beautifully that even showmakers themselves may not know how to write apologies -- because they themselves may have never received one in real life.)

Considering all these family dynamics and tensions, getting a 180-degree admission of wrongdoing from an Asian parent is rare. And part of the fabric of the lives of us Asians is in sharing stories with our communities about the tensions, the trauma, the misunderstandings that we've faced from our families to be perfect and obedient in all aspects of our lives, as NBW so eloquently says about her country's culture, which includes tremendous control over the sexual lives of children. That's why I go to Asian shows over Western media -- so that I can experience some of that communing over commonalities in fiction.

I want to make one final quick point about Ten's behavior towards his dad, which we see is abrupt and combative. Ten's got some gumption to talk to his father like that, which, me likey, but it's rare to see in Asian shows. Of utmost importance to note is that their history is marked by a severely traumatic event in the death of Ten's mom, which is guaranteed to have had a lifelong impact on the bond between Ten and his dad, and colors their relationship. I know that's obvious by way of the dialogue, but what we see in this outburst is a kind of marked ending to a journey map of his life's experience that got him to the point of the fight. (@neuroticbookworm, I'm stealing your screenshots, thank yew, friend!)

This fight had A LOT IN IT. It was about saving face, about the embarrassment that Ten's dad knows the slapping event will cause on Ten and Ten's friends (and, frankly, Ten's dad himself). It was about Ten's childhood trauma in losing his mother and his anger with his father for his father's actions. It was a revelation that Ten's dad had actually acted, in his own way, and failed at saving Ten's mom. It was about Ten's performance in school, and how Ten says that he has indeed been keeping up with his father's standards. And a whole lot more.

I'm betting money on at least some people -- maybe many people -- in Asian audiences watching this and being critical of Ten for being so combative to his father, his father being Ten's provider for education and money. THIS CRITICISM IS VERY COMMON.

While Western fandoms may celebrate performances of individualism and confrontation, many in Asian audiences will not agree with that. They will see Ten being disrespectful to a parental figure that, in our cultural mores, would arguably automatically demand respect from the start through our notions of elder respect and hierarchy.

This is, in part, because many Asians see going against the flow of familial peace as disruptive. And, anthropologically -- who are we in the West to judge that?

That's why this scene is SO FUCKING HUGE. As an American, I'm like, fuck yeah, read this fucking dad out for filth. As an Asian, I'm like, WHOAAAAAAAAAA. For real.

AND? THE ENDING of this fight -- with Ten's dad making one actually good point about how Ten's punch will affect his friends?

That's collectivism again. That's Ten's dad helping Ten to grow in that moment and recognize that Ten's actions affect other people. That shit is complicated, and I believe it's 100% intended to be complicated.

The dad is still clearly a hypocrite. I do not think that we get that entire fight scene without the show commenting on Ten's dad's hypocrisy that one's actions have impacts on others. Ten's dad is not clicked into his own collectivism, and I believe the show calls him out for it. If that scene only wanted to call out Ten -- we would have only seen that last part about Prem and Prem's friends. We would not have gotten all that other backstory, all the threads in this incredible fight scene.

It was a hell of a well-done scene. And I very much believe that scene is symbolic of this entire show -- marketed as a comedy, friends! -- being insidiously about very complicated family bonds, and depicting the struggles of these bonds just brilliantly.

This show is DIGGING THE HELL into the family backgrounds of characters experiencing tremendous life changes -- including MEDICAL STUDENTS! THE CREAM OF THE CROP FOR ASIAN PARENTS! -- and showing how these pressures can make young adults crumble or resilient.

I didn't mean to write so long, but alas -- y'all talk about Asian families, and I gotta yap. Thank you for letting me throw some coins in the pot, and to offer some thoughts about what us Asians are clicking into in our beloved Asian shows.

Tagging @lurkingshan, @bengiyo, @respectthepetty, @heretherebedork, and @williamrikers for enlightening convos this weekend, and many thanks to my dear Asian friendo @neuroticbookworm for one hell of a meditation that I enjoyed and related to deeply.

[ibm7094lover]

Is Sarek abusive?

After a lengthy argument/discussion with my mother (og Trekkie, strangely unfamiliar with K/S culture), I seem to be at a stalemate. It's fascinating because there's a lot of points on both sides. I'll provide my own argument and my mother's argument under read more.

Mine:

-Sarek's behavior (and by proxy, many Vulcans) towards Spock's mixed genetics is a direct contradiction to IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations) as Spock represents a small portion of that ideal: Mixed race, arguably queer, and neurodivergent.

-In the Star Trek 2009 deleted scene, Sarek calls him "so human," and from some theories it's believed Spock was surgically altered to appear more Vulcan

-Arguably, you could say this was so other Vulcans wouldn't bully him for looking so human, but we already know how that went.

-Amanda is passive in her parenting, and does little to engage Spock in human traditions along with Vulcan. She goes along with Sarek's beliefs, even if it hurts him.

-Sybok was exiled(?) for embracing emotion and encouraging others to do the same. Michael ran away and is a complete emotional mess (but probably the best out of the three). Spock has identity issues. See a pattern?

-Tuvok is seen to embody a healthier ideal of Vulcan: Permitting himself positive emotions, because it is illogical to deny himself of that. You could imply Sarek's family is just very dysfunctional.

-You can only go so far when excusing behavior with culture, but if someone is being hurt or caused harm, however indirect, it must be addressed by the society or a third perspective in order to improve.

Mom:

-everyone is abusive by modern standards / by human standards, everyone's abusive

-Sarek is an extreme outlier for marrying a human

-Most surgical procedures for Spock make sense, because they'd have to fix some conflicting issues (iron-blood/copper-blood, organ arrangement, etc.) but it is sad Sarek thought to change Spock's appearance when it didn't hinder him in any way.

-By Vulcan standards, Sarek isn't abusive because if anything he's less strict than other Vulcan parents.

-Sarek wasn't considered abusive when the show aired, and he isn't considered abusive now.

-You can't judge another culture by your own standards. (Side note: also believes you can't judge the cult in MidSommar for drugging someone, along with other things they did because it's "their culture.")

With all this in mind, I'm curious to know the general consensus around this topic. I'll leave some extra context below:

My mother comes from an extremely abusive family. Jack Stauber's Opal-level abusive. (I showed her the film and she cried with me) As such, it's understandable that we might have different definitions of abuse, given the generational difference (she's an older mom) and cultural difference (she's Mexican).

Because of this, I'm a pretty sheltered kid, but that also means I don't have a lot of exposure to difficult situations or significant abuse. I can acknowledge that I still have a lot to learn, and I'm trying to peel off my black-and-white mentality as well. I'd appreciate any feedback relating to this and the poll above so I can revise my perspective if I'm wrong!

[interculturalchaos]

Nonverbal Messages in Mexico

To address why it’s important to understand the appropriate nonverbal language of a culture when interacting with others from that culture I will refer to a scenario I wrote:

If I planned to meet up with a friend for coffee and they were an hour late, I would begin to worry something bad had happened or even leave the café after 30 minutes of waiting. If the same friend kept standing really close to me and held direct eye contact for a prolonged time, I would either feel uncomfortable or become genuinely concerned for them.

If you are like me, you might agree that a friend exhibiting this behavior is acting out of the ordinary. Showing up an hour later than planned is considered very rude in America as it exhibits disrespect for the other person’s time. Making direct eye contact with someone is acceptable and expected when having a conversation in America. However, if someone maintains eye contact (especially a man with a woman) it might be taken as staring and indicate aggression. This behavior, although peculiar to me, is acceptable and expected in Mexico when interacting with someone you know well (Cultural Atlas). So, imagine if this friend were from Mexico, acted this way, and I called them act for being weird. It would most likely hurt their feelings and cause confusion on both sides. If I had taken the time to consider that my friend might be coming from a different understanding of social interactions, it would save me a lot of worrying. Overall, understanding that people from different cultures will exhibit different nonverbal behaviors is essential to developing healthy relationships with them.

There might be some obstacles when trying to accurately understand nonverbal messages, the biggest being your own personal bias. It can be very difficult to switch our worldview on certain behaviors when we have viewed them in a certain way our whole lives. For example, my sisters and I have always marveled at the way our White friends spoke to their parents. We couldn’t imagine taking such a tone or even speaking back to our mom let alone in front of other people. With time, we came to realize that it is perfectly normal for them to express conflict this way but still would never do the same ourselves.

Paralanguage, such as speed, tone, and facial expressions, in Mexico are based on emotion (Nonverbal Communication). To show that you are engaged in a conversation, you are expected to express your emotions, so the other person knows what you are feeling. This expression does not apply to aggressive emotions or when it becomes impolite to do so (in the presence of others). Another aspect of communication that is different from American culture, is physical touch when greeting someone and throughout the conversation. In Mexico, men greet each other with a kiss on both cheeks and a hug. This is done to show respect and equality. To reject or make fun of this traditional greeting that holds a deep meaning will likely come off as offensive.

Mexico’s collective culture can be seen in their understanding of personal space. Although it varies with situations, Americans tend to keep a good distance from people whom they do not know well or who they aren’t romantically involved with. While we view space as an “I” thing, Mexicans see it as a “we” thing. By this, I mean that Americans feel more comfortable when strangers are at the very least not touching them when, say, on a crowded bus. Mexicans on the other hand feel comfortable when on a crowded bus and don’t mind touching others as much (Space Differences). I think some Americans, like those who live in urban areas, would not feel as uncomfortable in a crowded area or touching strangers as I do. I live in a rural area and being in crowded spaces is a rare occurrence for me. If I visited Mexico, I think it would take a while for me to get comfortable with the acceptable personal space there.

Finally, Mexico is a polychronic culture in that they view time holistically. Unlike America, the pressure is off when it comes to setting and finishing by deadlines. The textbook mentions that people in these cultures view time as having the purpose of maintaining harmony in relationships. They also multitask a lot more and are easily distracted by different tasks. Punctuality can have importance in business setting but overall takes on a more relaxed structure (Polychronic Time).

What’s important to consider is that all of the nonverbal norms I addressed are most appropriate when interacting with someone you know and are comfortable with. If you are visiting Mexico, you might have to research acceptable behaviors for tourists or business travelers. Understanding the acceptable norms of a culture you are interacting with is important not only to grow in appreciation of another worldview but also because it could be very dangerous if you disrespect the wrong person. Overall, if I am ever lucky enough to visit another country, I will take careful consideration of the appropriate nonverbal and verbal communication norms so my experience and others’ are as pleasant as can be.

[scorpionyx9621]

Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

[shihalyfie]

Yamato, Adventure’s most dramatically emotional cast member

The “edgy cool bishounen rival” has been such a staple of shounen anime for years that the moment you look at Yamato and his position next to Taichi, it’s easy to go “ah, yep, there it is.” But just like how Taichi’s actually very different from the shounen hero stereotype, Yamato, despite what his first impression and character design might suggest, is in fact the complete opposite!

Actually, I’ll start this off with an interesting story from Yamato’s own voice actor, Kazama Yuuto:

Yeah. When my agent asked me which role I wanted to try out, I thought I couldn’t do a pretty boy character like him, so I was really astonished when I was chosen for the role. Afterwards, when I asked Kakudou-san [the director] about it, he said that he’d decided on me the instant I’d come in... I’d heard that Yamato was a cool character, which I thought was a part of him that didn’t agree with me. So there was that factor in the beginning. But I learned that he was actually quite similar to me, and a surprisingly passionate guy.

I don’t generally have a huge tendency to include voice actor comments in analysis about writing, but I do think it says a lot that even his own voice actor walked in expecting the typical “pretty boy rival” character to the extent that he felt he’d have difficulty doing the role at all, only for the actual nature of Yamato’s character to catch him off guard! Because, yeah, that really is the case: Yamato’s first impression really is very deceptive, and his actual personality is, indeed, full of open passion and emotion in nearly every way.

Yamato in Adventure

...No, really, it really does not take long for it to be very clear that Yamato’s immediately not like the stereotype his character archetype would suggest, considering that even as early as Adventure episode 2, he was depicted as very obviously being open about his opinions, even if that made him quick to criticize.

When you talk about “rival” characters, usually, the reason such characters seem cold and standoffish is that there’s a certain degree of pride to them, or, in other words, they want to keep up a facade of being “cool” and rational and thus aren’t quick to show their emotions. But Yamato isn’t like that at all! From the very beginning, he speaks often, is very open and honest about his thoughts, and doesn’t seem to even really care what others think at all.

The Adventure novels do, in fact, make clear that he was more closed-in prior to arriving in the Digital World, and these bursts of emotion were actually unusual behavior for him at the time -- but it’s not because he’s prideful or anything! Firstly, it wasn’t necessarily that he deliberately cut himself off from others -- rather, he was still willing to engage in some degree of friendly interaction:

It wasn’t because he was lonely. In fact, many of his classmates would greet him with a friendly “Yo!” or “Hi~!” when they came across him and, naturally, Yamato would respond back with a smile.

And, in fact, said novel indicates that there’s a lot going on deeper than him merely suppressing his emotions for the sake of it:

The people around Yamato may have thought that he was a cold, aloof person, but that was only because he didn’t show what he thought to other people. When had he become like that? He hadn’t been like that when he was younger. But after his parents decided to divorce and his mom took Takeru by the hand and left home… Don’t go! Please don’t go! Don’t leave me! The truth was, he had wanted to plead with her and cry — but he couldn’t. Part of it had to do with his father standing by his side. Maybe his mother had secretly wished for Yamato to say that to her. But at that moment, Yamato had thought that he would never show weakness in front of his mom, even if he died from it. It was his own decision to follow his dad. Ever since coming to the Digital World, even Yamato was surprised by how much emotion he expressed. All of the emotion that he’d held back while at home, at school, had come bursting out without pause.

It’s also important to understand the reasons why he blows up so easily at Taichi in Adventure episodes 3 and 6 and whatnot -- he does it because he’s constantly looking out for the others and worried about their welfare. Pretty much all of the arguments he has with Taichi for the majority of the series involve him objecting to his perception of Taichi as insensitive, because Taichi has a tendency to tease others or bid for everyone to keep pushing forward into dangerous situations or when they’re tired. So, really, Yamato gets angered and emotional and picks his fights with Taichi because he cares too much, not because he’s deliberately trying to cultivate an image of being detached. Once they were outside the range of his family and their classmates and stranded in another world, Yamato’s bleeding heart instantly won out, and he started advocating for the welfare of everyone else.

This is why Yamato’s the one who gets the Crest of Friendship, because even though he starts off by putting up a defensive wall between himself and the others and seems very difficult to deal with, even when he gets angry and upset, he’s constantly upset on other people’s behalf. Even from the very beginning of the series, he’s actually one of the most caring people in the cast!

Really, the entire first few introductory episodes with Yamato can be pretty succinctly described as Yamato coping really badly with all those years of emotional suppression and letting it out in some pretty severe outbursts, especially when it comes to Takeru, whom he’d never been able to properly take care of as an older brother due to their parents’ divorce. (And while he’s definitely a little better at managing it, Takeru himself is actually also doing a pretty bad job with that whole emotional suppression and lack of catharsis thing.) Standoffish and cold? Nah -- not when Yamato has the single highest count of openly breaking down and crying out of the whole cast in Adventure.

And, for all it’s worth, remember that stereotypical “cold rival” characters in this kind of shounen series would normally be very ashamed at others seeing them so emotional, but Yamato...doesn’t really seem to care about the others seeing him do some really embarrassingly reckless stuff during his episodes of exploding over Takeru’s welfare. Once it’s past him, he doesn’t really dwell on it and moves on. Again: Yamato isn’t the kind of person who actually cares that much about what other people think of him.

Adventure episode 18 is an often-overlooked episode when it comes to Yamato, but it’s significant because it makes it clear that he doesn’t really have a problem being conversational and friendly with others (especially since, remember, any emotional suppression had more to do with the trauma and sensitive feelings surrounding his parents’ divorce and a desire to not show weakness) -- he starts a very lighthearted, friendly chat with Koushirou over why they’re looking for their Crests, and even admits that the reason he wants his own Crest is that he’s self-conscious about the idea of everyone else changing and improving as people while he gets left behind. That’s a really personal thing to admit, and arguably something very sensitive! It’s something you wouldn’t even blame him for potentially being self-conscious about! But he’s perfectly humble in admitting that this is something he wants to improve in, and carries on this entire conversation in a light-hearted, cheerful manner.

This episode takes place during a time where everything seems to be “safe” (they’re within Piccolomon’s barrier and finally have a proper place to sleep), and are on the verge of finding their own Crests in a situation that does not ostensibly involve running for their lives, so this is when you get to see Yamato in a relaxed situation. And, really, he’s very friendly and open, with no restraint about it. He really isn’t the kind of person to be condescending or cold by nature!

It’s even more incorrect to pin Yamato as someone who tries to act more on rationality (again, like the “cold rival” stereotype would suggest) because, in fact, he’s the kind of person who gets completely carried away by his own caring for others to the extent of irrationality. For instance, in Adventure episode 23 when his conflicting loyalties to Takeru versus wanting to help Jou in his situation get all mixed up, and he tries to buy into PicoDevimon's trick to turn Jou against him as a solution to taking sides before Jou clearly indicates this is the case, and Yamato doesn't hesitate to feel really bad about it. Openly so. Condescension? Nah.

No, really, I could just keep taking screenshots from Adventure all day if you want evidence of “Yamato is openly and passionately emotional to explosive degrees because he cares too much about others, and makes no real pretense of hiding it.” If you’re still not convinced, I don’t know what to tell you.

When Yamato infamously succumbs to Jureimon’s bait in Adventure episode 44 and ends up picking a fight with Taichi -- possibly his most self-centered action in the entire series -- it’s interesting to see that Jureimon does use the word “rival”, the same word used in anime trope lingo to describe “the person you’re constantly fighting with and competing with in order to improve yourself”. The reason why this is fascinating is that Adventure is making a point here that this kind of “stereotypical anime rival” relationship would be extremely unhealthy for these characters.

No, really: at least as far as Yamato’s concerned, and what defines the kind of “friendship” these particular kids need, what these kids need is mutual emotional support, not engineered conflict that can be passed off as “they fight but it’s a sign of how much they know each other!” Remembering that Adventure is, in many ways, a series that prioritizes wanting to focus on portraying the intimate nature of human behavior, it’s not surprising that it goes out of its way to make clear that centering your relationship with a friend around needing to “outdo” them is a really bad thing. (Observe how 02′s Daisuke and Ken also don’t fit the “rivals” archetype at all and are merely a straightforward relationship of best friends in little to no conflict, despite occupying the stereotypical position.)

But Jureimon successfully digs into all of Yamato’s insecurities about his perceived lack of self-improvement and his tendency to compare himself to the polar-opposite Taichi in terms of Taichi’s charisma and way of (ostensibly) playing better to Takeru’s dislike of being coddled. And so, the engineered conflict happens, and, of course, it traumatizes everyone around them. When Yamato finally manages to get over himself after some timely intervention from “the one who seeks stability” (Homeostasis) in Adventure episode 45, everyone in the group is miserable from the ordeal.

Adventure episode 51 basically lays down the two major issues Yamato had been facing up until that point, and ties it into a neat bow: the reason Yamato had become so obsessed with self-improvement was because he wanted to prove he was "independent" and "not weak", but in the end, he still sees himself as an inferior person compared to everyone else -- culminating in him eventually seeing Taichi as a better person than him. Gabumon reaches out to Yamato by clarifying Yamato’s right to not compete, but be unique; it’s not about competing or being a “better” or “worse” version of others, it’s finding his important niche in the group or in the world with the things only he’s good at. Yamato says it in explicit words in Two-and-a-Half Year Break:

Dad doesn’t remember. On the day when we had to decide whether Takeru or I would go with him… Neither Dad or Mom could decide, so I did. I thought, this way, Takeru would be able to stay with Mom. I chose for myself. And after that, I always chose for myself. Or that’s what I’d planned to. Even though I was called a Chosen Child, it was me who was going to choose what to do. No way was I going to be used for other people’s convenience. Maybe that’s why I went so far to keep myself from making friends. But in the end, I acknowledged that what I was doing was unreasonable. After all, I’m not living in this world by myself. If I hadn’t met Gabumon, I never would have realized that. The person I am right now, is not alone.

As long as Yamato only ever sees himself as a replaceable piece meant to fill in the same niches as everyone else, he’ll continue to be horribly critical of himself for not being a perfect person and ultimately being “useless” or “not necessary”. But it’s not about being perfect or a better or worse replacement, it’s about embracing himself and what he can do in his own way, and, indeed, at the end of the episode, Yamato’s arrival on the scene makes it clear that the group ultimately needs both of them, not just one.

It’s also interesting in that, whereas most of the kids (especially in the Adventure finale) are very open about their own feelings to their own partners, Yamato and Gabumon are capable of “communicating” in some sense just by Yamato playing the harmonica. But it’s perhaps because Yamato is normally so open and passionate about his own feelings that such a tacit method is something they can do -- they’ve already bared themselves to each other so many times already, that in the end, all they need to do is just enjoy the abstract things together.

Yamato in 02 and after

So by the time we get to 02, any trace of coldness or detachment from Yamato has completely vanished.

I cannot emphasize this enough: completely vanished. Even in the middle of being a heartthrob for the teenagers in school thanks to his good looks and work with his band, he’s open and lacking in condescension whatsoever, and it’s basically like seeing the openly friendly Yamato from Adventure episode 18 for a whole series. Actually, it already says a lot that he’s in a band, considering it feels like shifting his music activities to a full-on band is there to make a deliberate statement that Yamato is now much better at socializing and working in organized groups now -- it’s a far cry from having to work solo or independently, and it’s significant that “the person who wanted to be able to do everything by himself” is now interested in doing something a bit more cooperative. (And to lend further to the idea he’s sentimental and constantly thinks of others, his band, the TEEN-AGE WOLVES, is all but confirmed to be named in indirect tribute to Gabumon.)

He’s open, conversational, makes a lot of silly faces throughout the series, and basically the only thing he has left that remotely resembles the “pretty boy rival” stereotype is that he’s deep in the aesthetic. But even then, you get the impression that he just does that because he genuinely likes it, not because he’s trying to be “cooler than you” or anything. And it’s easy to see why: Yamato, quite simply, got over himself. He stopped restraining himself all the time in his attempts to become a perfect person, and simply let himself loose to express himself how he wanted, and ultimately became a perfectly sociable and friendly person who’s now even popular at school!

Yamato’s punch on Taichi in 02 episode 10 is often taken as evidence that Taichi and Yamato embody the “rivals who constantly get in fights but are somehow still friends” trope, but this tends to avoid the actual context of the rest of the scene -- in fact, Daisuke himself rightfully points out that if Yamato had done this out of any actual anger or condescension, this would have been a really cruel thing to do to Taichi when he’s already going through so much. But Yamato’s not doing this out of resentment or condescension, he’s doing this for Taichi’s own sake to help him get out of his stupor, and the important part here is that he immediately holds out a hand to him afterwards. Or, in other words, this isn’t something they’re doing out of conflict, but out of communication, and it’s now at the point where Taichi understands Yamato’s intent, and Yamato knows that what he wanted to do would be conveyed to Taichi, without words.

That is why Taichi and Yamato are finally so close now: they understand each other’s feelings. They’re not competing with each other. They’re not resenting each other. They’re sympathetic and forgiving of each other, and they communicate, verbally or otherwise.

It’s followed by a scene in 02 episode 11 that’s also often construed as Taichi and Yamato advocating fighting as part of a healthy friendship, but, again, this omits context: they talk about their fighting in past tense! They’re referring as fighting having been part of the things they had to do to understand each other now, when they clearly aren’t in that kind of conflict anymore. The idea they’re espousing is that Daisuke and Takeru need to let out their feelings and have some catharsis if they want to truly understand each other (which is, indeed, how Taichi and Yamato eventually settled their differences) and hopefully get to a position of mutual understanding, instead of the others forcing them to have peace for the sake of peace and not letting their feelings get out on the table. (And, ultimately, Daisuke spends the rest of the episode thinking about Takeru’s position, and none of the 02 kids ever end up in this bad of a brawl for the rest of the series, yet manage to build a friendship in spite of that -- so, yes, the important part was that they had their feelings out in the open and got catharsis, not fighting in itself.)

Yamato also has an interesting role in the 02 drama CDs, including one entirely devoted to him (Letter). Said drama CD has quite a few things to note:

Gabumon says that Yamato being rather silent and not speaking up about what he’s thinking is unusual behavior for him.

As much as Yamato’s managed to do a better job opening up in general, he’s still suffering from extreme self-worth issues, considering himself as worthless if he’s not able to do anything for a girl in the hospital, even though it’s of course completely reasonable he can’t do much. Despite that, he continues to emotionally fixate on her welfare and basically self-flagellate and do a lot of pretty emotionally occupied things in the process.

Speaking of getting emotionally occupied, as much as he ends up snapping a bit at the people on the beach who keep annoying the hell out of him, he eventually feels so bad for the shaved ice seller that he forces himself to eat it just for him. (Even though it’s freezing.)

Yamato’s a really poetic person. Almost sappily so.

On top of that, Armor Evolution to the Unknown gives us an ever-so-slight glimpse of his dating life with Sora -- which, while he hadn’t been super-flagrant about, he also hadn’t been hiding either (he’s clearly willing to engage in a bit of PDA as per 02 episode 43), and, if the admittedly-kind-of-crack drama CD is to believed, he’s actually very emotionally passionate about his relationship to her, and very dedicated! Beyond just the (very sudden) passionate declaration of love to her in the middle of tap dancing, when Sora is found to have been worrying about him being cold lately, he immediately goes out of his way to try and make things right and prove his love...

Yamato’s initial appearance in Kizuna pretty much defines in a nutshell what his and Taichi’s relationship eventually turned out to be: they’re willing to banter because they’re comfortable with each other, but when it all comes down to it, they appreciate and trust each other deeply. Again, the point is that Yamato and Taichi are emotionally there for each other, considering that (even if he ribs Taichi a bit for it) Yamato’s willing to come all the way down to meet Taichi for late-night beer and talk to him through his emotional troubles.

And, yes, Yamato’s still there to be a concerned minder for Taichi and to make sure he doesn’t get too inconsiderate of what he’s doing -- but there’s no conflict over it, just the two of them balancing their necessary roles as part of the group and keeping each other in check. Again, as was made clear back in Adventure, it’s not about one person being more necessary than the other, it’s them both working together to fulfill their own roles.

As one of the central characters in the movie, Yamato’s also having an existential crisis of adulthood, and in his case, it’s that he’s playing everything too much by ear but isn’t really sure what he wants to commit to. He’s still enjoying music as a hobby, but it’s apparent he doesn’t want to commit to it as a career (which is, well, quite the common thing for those who have hobbies in middle school) -- and moreover, the novel indicates that it’s not bringing him happiness the way it used to. (The movie goes out of its way to depict Yamato feeling isolated with both a harmonica and a band, referencing that neither Adventure nor 02′s ways are doing it for him anymore.)

Beyond the motorcycle we see Yamato driving a few times in the movie, the official website profile makes it clear that this is one of his major new interests, and it’s presumably why he’s also attending an engineering school -- he can’t decide on a long-term goal, so he’ll at least experiment with the thing he likes. Yamato’s always been someone who thinks with emotions and feelings, so it fits him.

We also learn that he’s surprisingly studious, and is picking up some things that run contrary to his image (the glasses!), including the fact he seems to like school enough that he wants to do more school while he figures out what he wants to do. This is something that happens in real life for a certain kind of person in a career-based existential crisis -- as many people as there are who play very badly with educational structures, there are also people who rely very heavily on the structure of college or grad school basically handing you tasks to do on a plate, and find the job market to be scarier than staying within that bubble. It’s not too unreasonable to imagine that Yamato, who in certain ways has never really been the kind of person to assertively have an idea of “this is what I want to do!” and generally works by immediate feelings instead of long-term goals, would end up becoming that kind of person. As he says, it’s really just him trying to postpone the inevitable decision and get a grace period.

Since “shutting out one’s own partner (and therefore one’s own inner self)” is key to the cause of partner dissolution, Yamato’s way of it isn’t as direct as Taichi or Sora (who end up actively shutting out their partners in a bid to become an adult), but is most certainly there -- especially when he’s the one who drops a mocking line about the idea of bringing Gabumon to his school. (It’s not about whether it’s actually doable or not; it’s the fact that he laughs and scoffs at how stupid this is.) The fact he treats friends drifting apart as an “inevitable” thing, and eventually is shown very obviously to be keeping Gabumon out of the phone conversations (in stark contrast to the 02 quartet going out of their way to keep them involved on the other end) ultimately boils down to: neglect. Yamato’s coasting by on everything he likes, but it also means he’s just letting everything happen, instead of consciously pursuing things and passionately following things with gusto, the way he used to.

But we do see Yamato’s single-minded and passionate side come out again -- while Taichi shuts down and ruminates on what to do about his impending loss of Agumon, Yamato’s the one who desperately runs around trying to figure something out, recruiting the 02 quartet into it, losing sleep over it, and eventually having a passionate confrontation with Taichi as the climax approaches. (Note that this, again, is not a real conflict in nearly the same way the two of them would be spitting insults at each other all the way back in Adventure; it’s just the two baring their own feelings, and Yamato quickly accepts Taichi’s answer very easily because he, too, feels the same. Again: they’ve become very good at communicating.)

Yamato does eventually let Gabumon back into his periphery instead of neglecting him so much, and their final scene together in the movie involves them resuming their old method of tacit communication that they’d once shared together, with Yamato playing the harmonica. It’s a sign of Yamato finally embracing those things in the past that used to make him happy rather than cultivating an uncomfortable relationship with it just because he’d kicked it out of his career prospects, and ultimately coming to terms with what he likes and what makes him happy.

And speaking of career prospects...

The question of “why did Yamato become an astronaut?” is one that’s infamously weirded out people all over the globe because of how much it clashes with his image, and how much of a kind of “out-there” thing it is that had virtually no precedent whatsoever in Yamato’s prior hobbies. (Although, if you really think about it, space travel isn’t that huge of a hurdle as it sounds for a world like this where Digital Gates exist to bend space-time; you just send a probe with a Digital Gate link up there...) The original meta reason was, simply, that it was a holdover from one of the original ideas for the third Adventure series, in which they would be investigating forces that were obstructing evolution from space. (The original logical progression was that Adventure would have a threat from the Digital World, 02 a threat from the real world, so the theoretical third series would be space...) When you think about which of the original Tokyo Chosen Children would be the most likely to actively pursue this route, it actually is likely to be Yamato, given that Taichi is more of a person who’s an overall leader and coordinator, whereas Yamato, who’s much more up-front aggressive and openly passionate, would be more likely to want to tackle the situation with his own hands.

Kizuna -- or, more specifically, its novel -- offers another (and not mutually exclusive!) explanation:

While studying at graduate school, Yamato came up with a dream he had for his future. He wanted to study cosmology, and become an astronaut. The way there would not be easy. There was a whole mountain of things he’d have to do to get there. But Yamato had a certain ambition in mind. Someday, he was going to go to space with Gabumon. Whenever he thought of that future, Yamato was willing to do anything to get there.

Remembering that Yamato was at an engineering school (presumably originally from the motorcycles connection), it seems that he eventually “ran into” the career option by chance and happenstance, and thought about it and decided he wanted to follow it for the sake of going with Gabumon. It’s a very “romantic” and sappy kind of “out-there” dream, and, actually, that’s the point -- Yamato is a ridiculous romanticist, the kind of person who waxed about barbecue back in Adventure episode 6, and compared his relationship with Takeru to Hikoboshi and Orihime back in 02 episode 17, and spouted a bunch of poetic words at the sea during Letter. And, remember, he’s always been openly shameless and passionate about everything he’s felt and liked, and has never cared what other people would think.

And in the context of Kizuna, where Yamato was slowly losing touch with himself and his passions and eventually lost Gabumon as a result, it’s a very important sign that everything’s on its way back to healing, and that he’ll be able to achieve that future where they meet again.

[bisexual-sqggitarius]

I grew up with a lot of trauma. The man my parents worshipped, raped me. Over and over. My mom would send me to him. She shaved my vagina when I started growing hair so that he could fuck me.

I remember that my main goal when I was young was for my mother to love me. I thought, maybe if I do everything right- get good grades, do all the house chores, be invested in the cult- maybe she'd give a shit about me.

Years passed and now I no longer speak with my parents. Once my brother found out what had been done to me, he helped me with cutting ties. And I love him for that. I love him for standing up for me. And in return, he gets to be a child around me. He feels safe and carefree and knows I have his back. I know he hides a lot of secrets. But thats who he is. I hope that he comes to me when he needs the help though.

I see myself engaging in this behavior called "fawning", most of the time it is subtle. I over explain why I want things or what I am doing. I'll ask for people's opinions...

Other times, like this past weekend, when I feel threatened or am worried about conflict, my "fawning" behaviors get exacerbated. I need approval for everything. I need to avoid conflict as much as possible while still having people like me so I try to give them all the power so that we don't fight and maybe they don't hate me.

I saw this in myself and my friend called me out on it. On my need for approval. And I know that I am better than that. I am able to state my needs to others...usually. but this past weekend I didnt have needs cause everyone else had needs and how could there have been space for mine?

I realize that I engage in trauma based behaviors that I am unaware of. I realize that I do need to continue therapy. At some point. There is always going to be that scared littke girl inside me who just wants to be loved. To be seen. To feel cared for.

I excessively care for my friends in the hopes that maybe they'll care for me back. Maybe I'll experience some of the kindness that I was starved for as a child. But I also need to show that same kindness that I want from others, to myself.

[hopeshoodie]

I can’t believe it took me until part 8 to do my favorite boy but

 Here are the pros and cons of dating

Noah

 Cons

Noah is really non confrontational, so he tends to let issues fester. It’s not that he’s trying to let things build up, it’s just that he doesn’t think they’re important enough to bring up. He won’t start a fight about them when they’ve built up, but if MC is angry about something he’ll mention that there’s a bunch of things he’s let go but not have specifics. It ends up coming out like ‘yeah well what about all the other things?!’ ‘what other things!?’ ‘I don’t remember!!’. He’s not actively keeping track of all her mistakes, he genuinely does forgive and forget, but then when tensions come to a boil he needs to point out that there has been conflict that he just ignored. He’s not trying to guilt or gaslight MC, but sometimes it feels like it. If she thinks especially little of his intentions, it feels like he’s just pulling things out of thin air to be mad instead of focusing on the issue. That’s not what he’s doing- he just doesn’t address little things until they feel like big things. But of course he hasn’t done the introspection to truly understand how doing this is hurtful or articulate that he doesn’t mean it to be. 

When he and MC disagree, he lets things go wayyy too easily. This is fine if MC is a really mature, self-reflective person who can see that she’s crossed a line after the fact. But if MC is a little more selfish/immature, like Lottie, this is a huge con because he doesn’t give her accountability that would help her grow. We saw this with Hope- she wasn’t able to recognize how harmful her temper was when she was dating Noah because he never pointed it out, he just rolled over. If there’s a genuine problem- financial, emotional, logistically, he’ll ‘let it go’ until it’s a way bigger problem (and much harder to solve). 

Sorry that most of these cons are about how he fights with people, but that’s what we saw in-game lol. I’d love to know more about how Lucas or Rahim fight with their partners. But when you’re arguing, Noah tends to focus on really little details of what you said instead of listening to the whole thing and getting a sense of the bigger picture. So let’s say the issue is ‘Noah, I need you to tell me when you’re borrowing my car because you took it to the gym and then it went from having enough gas to get me to work in the morning to being on empty. This morning I had to stop for gas and that made me late.” The issue there is actually ‘please tell me when you’re using my car”, but he fixates on the gas part and says “well fine I can fill up your tank”. So he focuses on little details that he can fix instead of acknowledging the actual problem.

He internalizes things so fucking hard. Yes he intellectually knows that when MC gives him feedback on things she’s talking about his BEHAVIOR and not him as a person, but he definitely feels like shit about himself if he makes a mistake and MC calls him on it. He’ll definitely beat himself up about things for weeks after it happens, and his internal dialogue in general is pretty toxic. 

I can see him being a bit of a workaholic. Not in the same sense that Camilo is in Boat Party, but Noah definitely will go into the library on a day he’s scheduled to be off if he has projects to work on or will stay late because he got engrossed in research. Same thing now that the library’s closed because of COVID- it takes him two times as long to put everyone online and work from home, so he’s spending more time working than ever. He views it through the lens of the ‘greater good’- getting that display set up for the patrons is more important that seeing his wife two hours earlier because many members of the community outnumber one person. Plus he just cares so much about his work that he has a hard time seeing it as an inconvenience to other people.

He loves his family so much. Even when MC and he get married and have kids, he struggles to prioritize them over his siblings and parents. So if his little brother Arlo needs money, Noah won’t hesitate to give him a loan even if he and MC are struggling financially. If his aging mom or dad can’t live alone anymore, Noah will invite them to move in with his family, even if their house isn’t big enough to accommodate more people. I can see this being a huge point of contention, especially in that second scenario where MC would have to take on a caretaker role as well. Noah just wants to help people so bad and has a hard time saying no, so that can sometimes impede his partner.

He’s really used to living on low income, and so he has a lot of frugal habits and concessions that he thinks are normal that someone more middle or upper class might find irritating. These are all coming from my experience and things partners have complained about- but think things like only eating out once a month or refusing to turn the heat on until it’s dangerous or making his own laundry detergent. He grew up doing them out of necessity (and still does, student debt on a public librarian’s budget? I couldn’t do it), so he doesn’t realize how strange or frustrating his habits might be to someone who isn’t used to it. He also has a really hard time justifying spending excessive amounts of money, so if MC has lavish taste there’s going to be some conflict.

He doesn’t like initiating anything. Conversations, activities… you know *smirk emoji*. He will, but the ratio of when Noah suggests something to when MC does is like 1:8

My boy is beautiful, and his clothes look lovely, but he has 7 outfits that he rewears all the time. The closest thing to fashion is him putting a different button up shirt underneath his vest. It’s definitely a joke at work that he wears the same sweater, button up, and quarter length shirt just in different colors. You know that vine where the teacher walks into the room wearing the same shirt in different colors, saying the same ‘hello’ for like a million days. Noah’s coworkers remake that with him, because that’s exactly what he does. 

He’s a bit of a homebody, and loves routine. For me, massive plus, I love that. But for someone who wants to party regularly or be spontaneous, I can see constantly changing plans and going out with people being really draining to Noah. He has a small group of close friends, so he’d struggle to remember MC’s friends' names if she has more than five. Don’t get me wrong, Noah will take MC to galleries and dates at least three times a month, but it has to be discussed and scheduled in advance. 

Pros

Honestly, what isn’t a pro about him? Noah is a steadfast, thoughtful, and kind person. His politics are about taking care of people, providing them dignity and respect, and building community. He loves his family and is incredibly patient. He’s incredibly smart but not at all classist or condescending about it. I know this is supposed to be about how the islanders affect the person they’re dating, but oh my god he’s such a good person I love him. Let’s just say the pro for this is his positive aura. 

He’s really good at group dynamics and listening, so he goes out of his way to make everyone feel heard and valued. If someone says something and no one acknowledges it, he’ll specifically engage with them so they’re not left hanging. If someone’s trying to get a word in but can’t, he’ll get everyone’s attention then say ‘so and so had an idea’. He’s not one to boisterously laugh in group settings, but he always makes eye contact and smiles if you make a joke that flops or say something he agrees with. If people are teasing about something, he picks up if it’s gone too far really easily and will gracefully change the subject/tell them to knock it off. 

He’s super conscientious about respecting boundaries and ensuring the people around him are taking care of himself. If MC and him are long distance and texting after 10pm, he’ll be like “I love you, but we’ve both got to sleep. I’ll talk to you tomorrow”. He’ll always check and make sure people have eaten when meeting up with them, and if they haven’t he’ll insist they get food from somewhere. 100% gives you his jacket, brings you water bottles, in general just wants you to take care of yourself. 

Above all else, Noah just always ensures the people around him feel safe. The last thing he’d want to do is make people uncomfortable, so safe driving, safe spaces, safe sex are all musts. He’s really good in crisis situations because he can calm people down and encourage them to think critically.  

Building off of that, he’s really aware of how much of the housework is being done by who and always tries to ensure he’s doing his part. I bet that was a big thing he ripped on Rahim for- Rahim expects his woman to clean up after him and do the bulk of the domestic work, and Noah knows that’s bullshit. I think Noah likes cleaning, anyways, and will usually take laundry/disinfecting bathrooms/cleaning dishes over cooking or running errands. But the mental load of keeping track of recipes/groceries that need replenishing and keeping up with kids needs, he’s aware of the imbalance and does his part. Obvious plus, because it sounds fucking exhausting to date a man. He fucking hates vaccuming though, and will splurge on a roomba. 

He has a dry sense of humor that’s very based in puns and hyperbole. Sometimes it’s hard to know when he’s joking or not, but he never makes you feel bad for missing a joke or dwells on something for too long. He absolutely subscribes to the Mcelroys’ No Bummers rule, there are some things you don’t joke about and he’s happy to shut down inappropriate comments or ‘jokes’. He definitely prefers physical gaffs and dumb ways of saying things, so his favorite comedians are John Mulaney and Chris Fleming. While humor isn’t an important part of how he relates to other people, Noah enjoys being around funny people and won’t shut down their energy like Rahim, Marisol, or Hope. 

This is just me projecting again but Noah is generoussss. Even though he doesn’t make a lot of money at the library, he still has a ‘mutual aid’ budget each month (and goes over it often). He’s the first one to give money to panhandlers, donate to gofundmes, and give friends/family personal loans. That definitely gets him into sticky situations sometimes, because he has a hard time saying no and can get taken advantage of, but ultimately I think it’s a pro because he’ll never forget where he came from and always prioritize helping other people. 

He has a really pretty, deep singing voice and this is a pro to me because fuck I meltttttt.

The shit he says to his partner or spouse? THE most romantic thing in the world. You think Mr. “you’re made of stardust” doesn’t shower his lover with the most meaningful lines at random times? You think he’s not quoting sappho and jane austen when he’s at a loss for words? You think he’s NOT going to turn over in bed on a lazy Saturday and say ‘this is the most perfect my life will ever be’? It’s not even prompted either, yes he’ll compliment Bobby or MC when they get all dressed up for date night, but more often he’ll profess his adoration in the middle of dinner, then take another forkful of food. 

Fantastic with kids, and this is a huge pro because people who can work with kids and be patient/positive with them make me so fuckim soft. But if/when (hopefully when because if MC didn’t want kids I don’t think it’d last) they had kids, Noah is happy to be on bottle duty, wake up early to the baby, and generally be a really involved parent. He’ll take a big chunk of paternity leave, and generally be there as much as humanly possible. Even when they have multiple little tyrants running around, he always makes time to be alone with MC and make sure she’s not taking on too much.

He’s basically a lesbian, which is definitely a reason I love him so much. Hear me out- loves milfs, loves 80s music, communicates affection through meaningful glances and playing with hair but will die before explicitly saying any of it, crushes on his best friend for the longest time but never makes the first move, puts way too much emotional meaning and personal metaphors into objects and then presents them as gifts, is into fandoms and actively collects pop figures, is attracted to assertive/powerful women, wears beige skinny jeans, wears VESTS….. That’s a lesbian. He’s a bisexual man, but he’s also an honorary lesbian.

A really good confidant. Noah’s an amazing listener and never judges people harshly- his life philosophy is as long as you’re not hurting anymore or yourself, everything else is details. So you can definitely tell him secrets and confess regrets to him and he’ll listen with those soft eyes and gentle nods. Talking to him about mistakes always feels like unburdening yourself. And he’d never tell your secret to anyone. Doesn’t matter if you cheat on him, lie to him, or die, he’s never going to tell anyone your secrets. 

[weirdo-with-a-nametag]

Brain is tv static with random frames interspersed

Think I'm like. Really stressed and jumping between topics to try and find something that helps / feels good

Topics:

Anyone know a good health tracking app for adhd people? I want one that like pops up when you open your phone, maybe? But is unobtrusive. Like maybe you just rate your mood or whatever when you open your phone, and it closes, and you go about your business. I just hate every app and paper method I've tried but really want to track some stuff

Pigeon. ? Pigeon as pet?

Service animals re: cats, pigeons, my cat specifically, and then also ESAs and also what to use as treats while training my cat (he's pretty happy to learn behaviors with praise and pets as reinforcement, but treats would make everything move much faster, but I haven't found something I want to give him so we've just been y'know. Chillin)

Service animals re: what tasks can my pet potentially do that would help me? I don't really know a lot about service animals and there is a Huge range. If anyone has suggestions, or places to read about it, I'd appreciate it! Mostly thinking they may help with anxiety, sensory, and mobility/fatigue related stuff. Not much of a need for medical alerts.

Bioactive enclosures for my snakes, need to research their biomes and make progress on designs and equipment specifications

Also. Hit a seriously hard patch and haven't been handling them much at all this month so that's not great

Casting stuff. Saw jewelry today made of metal casts of claws, skulls, etc, and they were really well done and made me want to do that

Some taxidermy / vulture culture stuff I won't get into right now

Puzzles????

How to organize my room

Need a shower

Need to organize bathroom

So Much Schoolwork

Uhhhhh trying, but not making much headway, to figure out how I want to do my music collection. Also really need to clean my records..

Make?

Food??? Ew.

Dental hygiene ://

Plampts. So many. Houseplants need maintenance, many need repotting. Keep taking in people's problem plants and like, they're doing better, largely, after being trimmed and watered and whatnot, but need repotting. Also need to trim some aquarium plants.

Also need to put water in tanks. And spray nepenthes.

Laundry.

Gotta pick up trash in my room. There's so much. Everywhere. Why.

Schoolwork. I'm so behind. So, so stuck. Kind of feel like I'm dying.

Going on a picnic tomorrow. Have to figure out what still needs doing for that, probably need to go to the store.

Leo needs water. I'm so....ugh, I'm trying so hard, but it feels impossible. I do my best to take good care of my pets, and I think they live pretty good lives most of the time, but sometimes I get like This and completely drop off the face of the earth and then like, wake up or whatever and two weeks have passed by and I have not cleaned a water bowl! That's a serious problem!!!! I do not know how to combat that, really, besides more reminders. Having someone around who is willing to like, help, when things are especially hard, would be great, but I don't live with my partner right now and do not feel like I can ask anyone here for that. But I can't put my animals at risk. I check on them every day, and if their bowls are dirty I do take them out and clean them, but sometimes (like now) i cannot get myself to do it without a pressure like a dirty bowl, or a feeding day. And like, it's really important that they have clean water. I'm talking to myself here but like, if anyone has advice. Please. With the tank redesigns and upgrades, the bowls will be more accessible, which will help because one of them is very heavy at the angle I have to pick it up, and another requires moving a lot of branches and is best to take out while the snake is out (this is Leo) which is fine because I love my boy, but adds time to the process, and makes it harder to start, you know? Maybe if I just got more bowls - I could take the bowl out and immediately replace it, fill the new one, and replace the decor and snake, and then clean the bowl as a separate task? That would be easier for my brain. Currently I have a Specific bowl I prefer to use for each tank, and then everything else is Just In Case, but I mean. Acquiring extras is something I want to do anyway, and it may help with several problems, so. Yeah. I'll try that. But also, any other ideas, guys?

Anxiety: can't stop picking at my face, skin, nails, cuticles, scalp, pretty much everywhere with callouses, also scratched a mole off my face, which is something I've been trying Not to do for a while, so that's...not great. Can't find my earmuffs, and also all of my headphones are painful? Ears are really sensitive lately.

Been playing a lot of Moth Game (flutter: starlight if you wanna be friends say hey I don't know how to do it but would enjoy talking about moths if nothing else. The game is just like, an idle ish collecting game with cutesy versions of different species, and very little actual information, but it's still fun, and if anyone else is on there and also Into Moths like I am, hiiiii) and like it's fun and cute but also greatly impacting my productivity, and raises my stress levels during events, which is most days, so the game has. Not been helping. But I can't stop because then I'll miss Exclusive Moths.

Anyway. Had baklava and two mugs of Thai tea today and the sugar has made me nauseous.

Trying to journal. Hurts to write. Also takes too long. Also my handwriting is very bad. But typing is..not as good

Want to draw. Thinking about drawing cats

Plants again! Want to make seed bombs, have seeds, have most of the other ingredients, just need to put em together, basically.

Really sad :(

Or am I?

Weird noise coming from dining room?

Birds. Spent half an hour at least on the deck tonight listening to a hundred different bird calls (literally) to identify one I was hearing, it was a pine siskin, which I checked early on but the recording was bad and I didn't realize which call was identified. Anyway, cool to put a name to a face, so to speak.

Need to practice for ASL

So much.....to do...

Only had like >3 hours of work this week which was not great because money, but also like I'm really feeling those 3 hours....

My cat is basically refusing to come into my room? Which is very strange and I'm worried something is Off but cannot figure out what. Also means less cuddles which means I'm sad.

It feels strange whenever people follow me, the attention is nice but I have no idea what content y'all are here for. So to everyone: hi, enjoy, hope my random personal posts aren't a surprise to anyone who followed for like. News reblogs and informational stuff.

Do I even have it in me to..be successful in school? Should I drop out of college? I'm struggling really hard and do not feel like I'm building on the skills I need to continue, so like. Uh.

My dad is being. Abrasive.

Mom and grandma are very angry lately

Housemate is also angry, about things i thought we were on good terms about, so I am stressed because like,, are we okay?

Can't find my eye mask :(

Yoga? Like...restorative yoga? Need to track down my PT stuff. And. Do it.

Need to put the stickers on my license plates....oops...

Still haven't found my antidepressants! Yay!

Do I want to store my stuff in open bins, or with lids? Which stuff needs spill protection and stacking capability and which stuff needs easy access?

How to earn money without..chaos

Gotta go to the pet store tomorrow. Have to compile my list of pet store items i need. Uhhhhhhhhhh

Also I have an essay due tomorrow that I've barely started. So. Wooooooo

Kt tape for supporting arches / inner ankles? I keep messing up my ankles, and part of it is walking wrong because I don't have the energy to engage the muscles in my feet/legs right to like, avoid injury, and part of it is I just need new shoes inserts. But i wear slippers a lot and they do not have arch support and it hurts. PT to help with this also but Where Is It

Family can't seem to get dish soap I can use, so I've just been having to avoid washing anything by hand, or being in the general kitchen area while anyone uses the stuff, which has led to more of my dishes sitting out, and more conflict over dishes. Lovely.

How hard is it for parents to learn they have to respect boundaries? Very hard, apparently. And you're supposed to just sort of remind people, and explain, over and over and over but like at this point my self worth is actually pretty good and the lifetime of proof that they do not want to listen? That's making me want to stop trying. Like, if you're not going to respect my boundaries I'm just not going to involve you in my life. I'm not talking to my dad right now because of this. Maybe I'll decide to lay things out to him, again and again and again again, maybe not. And I'm comfortable saying that's on him.

How to drink water

Am I dehydrated or are my hands just completely callous now. My fingertips have such hard skin. Why? It's uncomfortable. This is part of why I've been biting them.

Also testosterone. Been having a lot of trouble doing my shots, because anxiety and physical freakouts, but also not feeling super urgent about it. Which I'm realizing may be a sign i need to look at the effects so far and the possible effects of continuing, and see what they make me feel. It's possible I'm where I want to be as far as T, and don't really want to stay on it. A big thing for me is a deeper voice, so it seems time to take a look at whether I like my voice where it is or want to see if it'll drop any more. Etc etc

Miss my lil sisters

Saw a lot of cool rocks today. Huge (like hand sized) ammonite for $28. May go back and buy one because. Wow.

Want to plant food plants

Also my natives. Whole garden plot standing empty with a bunch of stuff waiting in nursery pots, needing to go in the ground. Because I can't get out of bed. Love that. Stuff is dying out there, I'm dying in here, there's a poetry to it and I do not want to romanticize suffering so I will say this: I brought a Bucket full of moss home a month ago and planted it and now go outside sometimes to drench my moss and it is very rewarding because the stuff is just so green. Incredible. When the rest of my plants are finally in the ground, that feeling will only intensify. But, for now, the moss is very nice.

Made a glow in the dark bead lizard from memory during therapy yesterday, and I love him. Also, still struggling with bringing up autism and psychosis topics with my therapist. Still very worried about. Things. Would like to get a new person? But sometimes she is helpful? And we have a routine. It's very hard to break the routine. Maybe I can set some time aside during the summer, to figure out what to do there.

Term ends in a couple weeks. The task of catching up, of passing, seems impossible. I really need to pass my courses. I'm on academic warning, because my GPA is lower than it should be, and if I can pass all of my classes this term I can get off academic warning but otherwise I'm not sure what will happen to my financial aid.

My phone is playing the same 50-100 songs on shuffle and I don't even particularly like most of them and it is very strange

Got my face wipes! Hooray, i can wash my face again

Been eating too much sugar in general. It's making my joints hurt more, and the nausea

Pet a dog the other day. I miss that. It would be really nice to have a dog in the house again. The exuberance, the cuddles, the tail wagging, the walks... I'd really like that. Maybe once I'm out in my room, tanks and catio built and everyone is situated, I'll look into getting a dog instead of a cat next. Was planning on holding off in case I'm not physically able to take them out on walks and such, but I've been pretty successful at doing this job, and I think that my main hurdle for walking really is motivation. Dog walking is a strong motivator for me. Best to start by fostering, or just do Wag, for a while though. I'm feeling overwhelmed with my current responsibilities, and here I am talking about getting a dog. Good job, me

How do you get wax off of somewhat water soluble rocks? My housemate broke my lava lamp on some of my rock collection and I am not sure how to get some of them clean without damage.

I am...pretty sure there are collared doves nesting over my room but it seems they're less common around here than I thought? But they are..pretty distinctive. Like if I'm wrong, what are those birds. Some very distinctly colored feral pigeons? Who are nesting here, in a tree, without their flock, and who happen to have pretty much the exact same pattern?

Probably should go to the dollar store and get some bins for organizing

Been wanting to keep a bin by the door and stock it with stim/fidget stuff people can just .have ..like extras of some of my favorites and other things i can get ahold of, to offer to my friends who haven't really had the chance to explore the world of stim toys

Hands are really just not doing great the last several weeks. Arthritis type pain cropping up more and more in all the little joints, making it hurt more to write, type, or just use them for whatever. Coordination isn't great because of that distraction, and because my hands/arms are slow to respond and kinda weak. Most people would say I'm not using them enough but I've been doing 15ish hours of manual labor per week, so maybe it's the other direction? More water would help. If only it wasn't so heavy.

I haven't taken a single shower since I started my job. Which was March 29th. That's not great.

Practiced parallel parking today. 10/10 still very bad at it.

Having anxiety that my friends think I'm lying about things, faking, and are watching me to see if I'll slip up. So that sucks. Can either talk about that directly or indirectly, or just shut up about those things until I can get my brain under control again. I'm not sure right now if the reassurance would work as a reality check or make me believe it more, right now, so might hold off on the talking bit for a little while.

Saw, smelled, picked a couple pretty roses. Good times

At this point I'm just trying to list all my thoughts so that maybe I'll be able to sleep and not worry I'll forget

My mom has put her spider plant on the deck, and it has maybe five living leaves. I have no idea how she killed such a well established spider plant, the last time I saw it it was so happy. Did she stick it in a corner and forget to water it? Whatever happened, it is now in the Plant ER, so hopefully I'll be able to...help get it on the up and up again

Leo is such a pretty noodle. He's so pretty. He's posing. Hi, baby boy.

Oh, he saw me moving around and decided to come say hi. Sorry little man, i did not mean to disturb you. Please resume lounging. I can't bring you out right now, I'm trying to sleep.

Also, terrariums. Water features. Need to ask. Someone. The one who was making that super cool garter snake enclosure and blogging the progress? With the lazy river and pool? About maintenance on that kind of setup. My milk snake really enjoys water, and I'd love to put a water feature in his tank. But I'm unclear on how to keep it clean, or honestly where to start. Don't want any huge falls or anything, though it actually may not make the humidity too high if I did maybe a small drip wall into the pool? That seems like something he would enjoy, and a good way to support different types of plants. But like, that's the thing, it's bioactive and I haven't done that before and no amount of research is ever enough.

Oh, Shogun has a dirt hat. How cute. I love when they do that

See, this is the thing. My snakes make me so happy. All three of them are actually hanging out where I can see them from my bed right now, and it's really nice. I want their lives to be the best possible, and I think I have the resources to do that. Which is so exciting. Now if only my brain and body would cooperate. It would hurt quite a lot to have to re-home any of them, but the most important thing is their health and quality of life, you know? If I can't get my act together somewhat, it may be that one or all of them would be better off with another keeper. I don't know. It's just, i talk about all these tank ideas and all this husbandry standards stuff but how much of it actually gets applied to my own animals whose lives are in my hands? How well am I caring for them, really?

Oh!!! My red thread! I thought that was gone forever.

Anyway, please do not worry. My snakes are healthy. I pay attention, and watch for signs of illness, and they're okay. There will always be places to improve, and the water is a big one, but most of the time i change their water out frequently, I'm just worried because of bad depression and fatigue times, you know? I'm working on making the most self sustaining systems i can, in part so that I am sure they'll be okay if I mess up sometimes. Just saying this because I hope you guys don't feel like you need to worry about the welfare of my pets. They're okay, i just always want better for them, is all.

Anyway, the sun is coming up and I should probably go to sleep. So uh, thanks for reading, if you read all of this randomness, and if anyone has thoughts or advice on anything in this post, i would welcome it! Good night!

[whitehotharlots]

Woke liberals and the occult

You may have noticed recently a proliferation of identity-centric liberals who also embrace magic and mysticism. They often, for example, argue (completely ahistorically) that belief in astrology is an inherently feminine practice, and so mocking someone for believing in fairies or wood nymphs or whatever is a sign of toxic masculinity. Where, you might wonder, does this come from? 

I've been wanting to write something about this for a long time, but it would take a lot of work, and attaching my real name to any such piece would make me unemployable. Here's some raw notes:

Legitimizing the occult allows authoritarian feminists to exert power over the people they dislike, and to do so in a way that nominally exempts them from the problematics of engaging in straight-up carceral feminism or other regressive politics. And I don’t mean this in a metaphoric or loose sense. There’s real-life precedence of authoritarian feminists doing exactly this.

Satan's Silence (1995), a book by Debbie Nathan and Michael Snedeker, does an excellent job of detailing many prominent iterations of the 1980's "Satanic" sex panic. Their work displays some concerning parallels between the 80′s panic the current sex panic gripping the mainstream left.

Nathan and Snedeker unflinchingly connect the 80's-era satanic sex panic (SSP) to an alliance between authoritarian feminists and weirdo conservatives who worked in psychology and sociology. Pointedly, these tendencies were not native to earlier generations of feminism, but came about when creeps from other fields made a politically opportune pivot. One of the key architects of early SSP was Dr. Roland Summit, a Freudian psychiatrist who was the head physician at LA County’s child protection services in the 70’s. Early in his career, Summit was renowned for being sympathetic toward incestuous fathers, whom he believed were driven to rape their children due to the inadequacy of their wives.

This sounds unbelievable, I know. But bear in mind, up until pretty recently, sex crimes were conceptually medicalized, understood as mental disorders rather than as pure violence. “Rape is about power, not sex” may be the first principle for all contemporary analysis of sexual assault, but back then, experts were more keen on understanding these acts as stemming from purely sexual perversions. (This might make the outrageousness of that Abducted in Plain Sight documentary a bit more explicable). Dr. Summit didn’t exonerate incestuous fathers, but he did view parent-child attraction as a fixable disorder that stemmed from the breakdown of the traditional family structure. His beliefs were echoed by many prominent child abuse prevention programs, which tended to have “a strong bias toward preserving marriages” (22): the belief being that strong, two-parent families would result in a sort of psychological equanimity that would blot out any inclinations toward sexual abuse.

Of course, this is the opposite of first and second-wave feminist thought, which almost universally regarded traditional families as incubators of violence. However, prominent anti-violence feminists of the early 80’s “were willing to excuse these gaffes for various reasons. For one, they knew they could not get the government to support antidomestic violence efforts if they talked about skewered power, whether it derived from maldistribution of wealth or, even more unmentionably, from patriarchal inequality” (22). The psychology-dominated violence prevention agencies may have been patriarchal, but they had ample funding, and tremendous amounts of social clout. Most importantly, they had raw power: they could take away a family’s kids, and they could put men in jail.

If I was writing a longer piece, I’d include a caveat here that of course we shouldn’t conflate regular feminists with authoritarian feminists and point out the obvious conflicts going on here. But let’s just look at one of the authoritarians real quick: Judith Herman. Herman was one of the loudest and least repentant of the Satanic Panic/Repressed Memory therapy grifters, and she became involved with Summit’s institute in the late 70’s. She was drawn to the pro-family rehab programs because of their ability to retool male behavior and make men regard all of their sexual impulses as sources of shame. She even approvingly compared these men’s therapy sessions with “forced political reeducation programs in revolutionary societies” (23). (If you’re at all familiar with wokeism in the late twenty-teens, you already know how much shaming and reconditioning are considered the means and ends of feminist praxis.)

The authoritarian feminist/pro-family psychology alliance was based on a simple proposition: abusive men could submit to re-education therapy, or they could go to prison for a very long time. The former option was of course the one most chosen, and suddenly a carceral program based on regressive notions of sexuality and domesticity was given a woke gloss. This set the stage for the full-bore panic, and segues neatly to another tenet of our contemporary sex panic: the supposed moral imperative to believe every account proffered by every victim, no matter how implausible or impossible their stories may be. (Unless, it turns out, the accused is a prominent neoliberal Democrat).

Summit believed that, in his own words, “children never fabricate the kinds of explicit sexual manipulations they divulge in complaints or interrogations.” This meant not only that kids should be believed if they, for example, say their mom and dad murdered 20 babies in front of them, but that it was okay to foster a therapeutic environment in which caseworkers asked leading questions to coerce these kinds of stories out of kids. A father could find himself in counseling for something heavy (beating his wife) or minor (drinking too much and yelling), his kid could run into a caseworker who got them to describe profane abuse, and then the dad had a choice: he could admit to every allegation and enter into reeducation, or he could face multiple felony charges. This led, naturally, to an explosion of such cases. And the hucksters who had installed this system had created a feedback loop that validated their practices.

Demonology and other superstitions could easily infiltrate this milieu. Behavior modification programs have always been cult-like. Entering into them requires patients and practitioners to suspend all forms of critical thought that may undermine the group’s practices and presumptions. Once an empowered group loses all recourse to rationality and critical thought, it becomes quickly indecent. Absurd assumptions snowball. What were once understood as misplaced libidinal drives become overtaken by ghosts and devils. Family violence and personal unhappiness are caused not by social structures or simple interpersonal conflict, but by the presence of mystical evil. And it all makes sense to the people who are caught up in it: what good is empiricism, after all, when we are battling demons?

I could say a lot more here, but I encourage you look up the figures I've mentioned in this piece. To this day, Debbie Nathan is a pariah in most feminist spaces, while Judith Herman is a celebrated mental health professional who has received multiple awards from prestigious organizations. The latter's work led to dozens of people going to prison and thousands of children being badly traumatized, while the former did nothing more malignant than document professional abuse. When neurotic but marginalized people formulate a way to glom on the violence of powerful organizations, they are heavily rewarded. Other vicious idiots rush in and seize the opportunity to harm the people they hate. Sometimes their anger is righteous, sometimes it's entirely misplaced, but that's all beside the point. The point is power. Occult bullshit is an easy way for violent people to hurt others.

[cryptidcrone]

The Spearhead

I realize that I make a lot of reference to Urbosa’s soldiers, so I thought I’d put my thoughts all in one place for later reference.

For most of “The Center Cannot Hold” Urbosa is accompanied by six other warriors, comprising her Spearhead. A Spearhead is the smallest unit in the armed forces of Gerudo Town, usually comprised to three pairs of sworn sisters and a leader. Urbosa’s Spearhead is a ceremonial guard that is also lethally functional. Every woman there has proven herself worthy to ride the war-road with their Chief, though some of Urbosa’s choices are considered unorthodox by the Town Elders.

Makeela Urbosa va Rana: SHE. Needs no introduction. The Point of the Spearhead.

Taarvi va Vikla, aka Old Taarvi, aka Battle Crone: The oldest member of the team at 156; she was once a member of Urbosa’s mother’s Spearhad back in her prime, and swore an oath to Chief Rana that she would look after Urbosa as long as she was physically able. Has known Urbosa since she was a baby. Loyal unto death, but Extremely Done with everyone and everything. Still refuses to retire and take up the mantle of Elder. Can and will kick the ass of anyone who looks sideways at Urbosa. Had Some Kinda Thing with Urbosa’s mom but refuses to elaborate. Wants Urbosa to settle down with a nice Gerudo girl and maybe stop dropping everything to help the Hylian Princess...but also recognizes that a mother’s duty is to her daughter.

Corvuu va Fatira: The Spearhead’s combat medic. Highly skilled, has saved the life of everyone in the Spearhead thrice over. Extremely calm under fire, intense interest in the natural world. She’s writing a book on the commonality of all living organisms, and employs an army of children to collect specimens for her wherever they go. Decent at fighting, but prefers the scalpel to the sword. Is very done with the dumbass younger members of their group injuring themselves in foolish stunts. Married happily to Sabri. Will occasionally eat thing she shouldn’t to test the effects.

Sabri va Savee: Corvuu’s reckless and cheerful wife; full of roguish charm, has connections all over Hyrule because she used to work for a mercenary group. Gave up the roving life the moment she met Corvuu and worked her ass off to prove herself worthy of joining Urbosa’s outfit. Will flirt with Corvuu at the least appropriate times possible. Excellent storyteller, and has an unending barrage of dirty jokes in her arsenal. Irritates the living shit out of Taarvi for sport. Absolutely is the reason that one of Zelda’s first words in Gerudo was ‘fuck’.

Brona va Deerdra: Grim and unyielding in battle, Brona is nevertheless is warm and gentle in her everyday life. Tries to find peaceful resolutions to conflicts, much to her sworn-sister Taarvi’s irritation. Everyone is mystified by her relationship with Taarvi, who is at least a century her elder. The popular theory is that Brona’s unrelenting good humor eventually broke Taarvi’s spirit. Enjoys music of all kinds, and has some skill with a few instruments, including the Zora harp. Her true talent is with the Gerudo pipes, and serves as the piper when their unit marches to battle. Once had a wife and daughter, but lost them when their village was attacked by Yiga infiltrators. Refuses to speak of them at all; mentioning them is the one thing that can flip the switch on her affable personality.

Makeela Ubala va Ubari: One of the newer members of the Spearhead, eldest daughter of Urbosa’s sister. Joined the army the hot second she turned 17 to get away from the chaos of six sisters and parents who are nauseatingly in love. Loves the life of a soldier and is proud to serve under her aunt. Like all the women of her family, she is extremely stubborn and has a deep sense of honor and justice.Hates to see people in power mistreating people below them. A horse-hearted young woman who wants to build up the cavalry. Frequently engages in dumbass behavior because impulse control is not her forte. Considers Zelda her baby cousin (even though they have only recently started spending time together and is only a year or so older than her), tries to bring her out of her shell.

Ritva va Retava: Sworn sister to Ubala, the youngest member of the Spearhead at 17. A bit shy, and deeply anxious to prove herself. Daughter of the greatest armorer and blacksmith in the tribe, she has an innate understanding of how to repair or rebuild things. Finds ancient technology fascinating, and hopes to study it in greater depth when she’s done with her stint in the army. Falls hard and fast for Princess Zelda as they bond over the Sheikah slate, which has not escaped Urbosa’s notice. Co-conspirator in dumbassery; is the first to suggest they try to ride things that have been charged with a Stasis rune.

BONUS: Arakna va Amala: Urbosa’s sworn sister; they’ve been bound since they were fifteen, when they went through something traumatic together. Loyal to the point of fanaticism. Spy master and occasional murderer for the sake of Gerudo interests, side-hustle/cover as a cloth merchant. Would kill for Urbosa. Has killed for Urbosa. Has eyes and ears all over Hyrule Castle and beyond. Largely cheerful and irreverent, she nonetheless has a lethal temper. Can and will gleefully roast Urbosa at the slightest provocation. Has a deep aversion to touch; you don’t touch Arakana, she touches you. Multilingual, excellent dancer and seamstress. Favors poisons and strangulation as methods of disposal. Will very literally murder anyone who hurts Urbosa in any capacity; the only reason Rhoam’s still alive is because Urbosa ordered Arakna to lay off. Aranka keeps offering to kill him at least once a year.

[mbti-notes]

Anon writes: “Hey, I’ve read this isfp-estj relationship and your answer last week, and I’d like to share something similar. I’m INFJ and my mother is ESFJ. I’ll try to explain things as objectively as possible. We have a rocky relationship bc we both disagree in how she should treat me. I’m 23yo so I told her she doesn’t need to do things for me anymore (such as cleaning my room, managing my stuff without my consent, telling me what I should do, etc). I clearly told her multiple times I’d like her to not overstep and let me manage my life my own way. She and I are quite different with the way we lead life, I don’t understand hers, but I let her live that way. My issue is that she’s imposing her way to me.

I’ve tried to understand her and reassure her that I’d reach her out if I DO need help for something and that’s when it would be appreciated (I imagine she wants to feel needed/helpful?). Despite all of this, my mother has this deep belief that I’m unworthy of her respect as long I don’t do things the way she wants to cuz I’d be miserable without her. I’ve tried to live up to her expectations, but failed to do so because of exhaustion, so I stopped trying, and she interpreted that as further proof that I’m not good enough in anything.

As time went by, I grew increasingly sensitive to any sign of transgression of my boundaries and would immediately react with full-blown anger whenever she would try to control or criticze me, and often ended up making her cry. Let’s say I’m guilty of being aggressive when I feel someone is disrespecting me, so I understand I’m partly responsible for the rocky communication and need to work on my anger issues. But for the time being, do you have any advice concerning my mother and I? I’d like her to stop being overbearing and so dismissive of my basic needs, I feel like I’ve tried everything. Maybe I’ve overlooked something. I still live with her btw and unable to move out yet due to mental health issues.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

The points that I made in the previous answer still apply:

1) “If you can’t handle conflict maturely, your relationships are never going to get very far.” You say “I grew increasingly sensitive to any sign of transgression of my boundaries and would immediate react with full-blown anger whenever she would try to control or criticize me, and often ended up making her cry”. Whether you feel “justified” to behave violently toward her is irrelevant, as it’s just your ego drama. The fact is that you don’t have a good handle on your feelings and emotions, so you have been actively escalating the animosity. It takes two to tango, and you have not taken responsibility for your part in perpetuating the conflict. She baits you and you eat it up and spit it back out at her, in a seemingly endless cycle.

Conflict occurs when two people don’t understand each other and try to impose their will on each other (i.e. no empathy, no respect). She wants you to do things her way, and you want her to do things your way. When a relationship deteriorates to this extent, there aren’t many options available. Options: i) end the relationship out of hopelessness, ii) put the relationship on ice until you’re strong/skilled enough to deal with it better at a later date, iii) keep repeating the cycle of violence against each other, or iv) be the bigger person and calmly communicate your way out of the situation. Most people don’t choose option 4, mainly because they are not capable of it and thus don’t see it as an option. I don’t tell people what to choose, as it’s up to you as an adult to make these decisions for yourself.

2) If you choose option 4, then “Part of being an independent person is setting and enforcing boundaries, especially to stop any mistreatment or abuse. If you fail to do this, some people will feel free to walk all over you.” Both you and your mother have serious problems with relationship boundaries, which makes for a toxic relationship dynamic. Have you considered family counseling?

Use this simple analogy to aid your understanding: When a government passes a law that prohibits behavior, how do they ensure that the citizenry abide by it? Generally speaking, a reasonable approach is to: i) educate people about the new law, ii) apply clear and consistent enforcement of the law, and iii) enact fair consequences that serve to deter law breaking. 

i) Have you done a good enough job educating your mother about your boundaries? Do you expect that she can break a 23-year-old habit just because you told her to? If you want your loved ones to understand you, then you have to be patient in teaching them about you, until the lessons stick. But this requires that you know yourself well enough to communicate who you are and what you want as well as be the bigger person to teach lessons patiently. To create an empathetic relationship after so many years of bad behavior, at least one person must be capable of enough empathy to shift the underlying dynamic of the relationship. It’s like trying to turn a ship around; you have to stop the unhealthy momentum first, before forging a new and better direction. 

Empathy doesn’t mean that you are a sucker who allows people to walk all over you, which is a common misconception. Empathizing means that you feel for everyone involved because they’re all hurting in the conflict, and you try to do what’s best for everyone, as opposed to just manipulating people to get what you want. Empathy means taking the time and effort that is needed to understand the facts about someone, such that you make well-informed and rational relationship decisions. Poor emotional intelligence goes hand-in-hand with poor empathy, because negative unresolved emotions lead you to project and blame rather than have patience to understand. Your mother is a human being, full of flaws and weaknesses, just like any other human being. To have empathy means to understand those flaws and weaknesses, such that you are able to work with and around them. Do you expect that, being the “adult”, she owes you empathy but you don’t owe her anything because you are the “child” to be taken care of? To be independent is to take responsibility for being the kind of person that you hope to be, instead of always playing the role of innocent victim and claiming that others “make” you behave badly.

ii) Have you done a good enough job in enforcing your boundaries in a reasonable manner? When your mother infringes on your boundaries, what’s your reaction? Is your reaction consistent each time it happens? Consistency is very important when teaching a lesson, because the logic behind the lesson must be completely transparent for the other person to learn it properly. In essence: “If you do this, then I will do that, every time, and this is why”. Your mom is ESFJ, so do you understand that auxiliary Si and inferior Ti might make it difficult for her to grasp the logic of your behavior unless you are completely clear and consistent in explaining yourself each time? Do you have the empathy to understand the challenges that come with her type? Or do you expect that, as the “adult”, she should always magically live up to your childish image of a perfect parent?

iii) Have you done a good enough job of implementing reasonable consequences for boundary violations? What has been your method? Violence. When you attack her and make her cry, then what? Is the problem resolved? Are you acting with awareness of the future implications of your behavior on the relationship (mature Ni-Fe), or are you lashing out without any care of the consequences (Se grip)? Does it make you feel powerful or self-satisfied to violently put her in her place (Ti loop)? If so, then how can you be capable of empathy? If you are prone to Ti loop tear-downs and Se grip outbursts under stress, then you have lots of self-work to do to improve your self-awareness about how your own choices escalate and worsen relationship problems. 

If someone is stubborn in not wanting to hear you or not wanting to learn the rule that you’re enforcing, then take away their privileges for a time, until they learn to comply. As soon as she violates your boundaries, walk away and provide a clear and concise explanation as to why, and outline the exact conditions that are necessary for you to re-engage with her. Repeat as necessary. Simple. No need for hysterics or violence, is there? If all you ever see is your own disappointment because you set unreasonable expectations of her, then you’re not doing what is necessary to change the unhealthy relationship dynamic, because you’re still stuck in the center of it. In other words, learn to see the bigger picture.

Your mom obviously does not have the capacity to teach people how to draw and enforce proper relationship boundaries, so, in fairness, you had no role model to learn from. If you hope to be an independent person, it is up to you to learn it for yourself, for your own well-being, and for the sake of all your future relationships. In Jungian terms, the parent-child relationship is a crucible. It’s where you learn how to socialize, it’s where you test your mettle, and it’s where you see the truth about how far you have or haven’t come in personal growth. View the relationship as an opportunity to grow and you will learn a lot about yourself. View everything as “all her fault” and you will keep repeating the same old childhood patterns throughout life.

[movedkagen]

REI  TODOROKI  STUDY  /  MASTERPOST .

This is mostly ripped from discord so if it’s choppy that’s why ---

TRIGGER WARNINGS : MISOGYNY, DOMESTIC ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE, CHILDBIRTH, CHILD LOSS, GENDER DYSPHORIA.

Rei never necessarily dreamed of being a mother. She had a dream, once. She painted and has a profound natural talent for art, but her family was conservative and never entertained her getting a job. Girls like her were only good for getting married. The most rebellious thing she ever did was anonymously release a few paintings while she was engaged.

 Painting continued to be a coping mechanism when she was in the mental hospital, though they were much darker --- her paintings in there were very gruesome depictions of ... typically feminine things --- pregnancy, childbirth, housewife duties. She just painted them as very painful and bloody because that's how they felt to her and that's how she emotionally processed how she sees her own value as a woman. Obviously this isn’t too relevant in the grander scheme of things but I’m just providing some insight into Rei as a painter. 

Now before I start, I obviously don't write Rei as Black but i think about how in Black and poc cultures women are blamed for their abusive and shitty husbands.  If he hit them its because THEY made him mad, and if he cheated it's because THEY couldn't keep him/make him happy. And i write rei with those burdens. i say this bc i remember rei being on the phone like "i can't take it anymore i can't be around him i'm scared" right before she hurt shouto and i'm like ... if she did that then she must have called her mother before.  and like her mother obviously didn't tell her to leave so i hc her mother was always like "be a good wife and smooth things over, keep ur man happy, if ur household falls apart thats on u"

Rei struggled the most with Touya and fuyumi. She never hurt them or anything but she had weird behaviors around them...And her biggest crime w them was the "weak constitution" she had. With Touya she was still trying to make it work with endeavor so she kept excusing his abuse because she was trying to keep things smooth... like stupid shit like "don't make ur father upset" and "u know he has a temper". not intentional but honestly just how she was raised and she thought she was doing the right thing by avoiding conflict and keeping enji happy. She tried to protect him but honestly she didn’t resent Enji as much as she did later, with Shouto. 

With fuyumi....It’s more a personal hc but I told inad that like. Rei never wanted a daughter due to how she was raised. her family was very sexist and oppressive. She cried when fuyumi was born. she did NOT want a daughter and did not want fuyumi to be like her, a woman she perceived as weak. Because my rei KNOWS she’s weak. Her quirk may have been strong but her "constitution" emotionally was frail. But fuyumi is a child and doesn’t understand why her mom gets upset when she tries to help in the kitchen and Rei tells her to stop.

Touya has every right to resent Rei ---  unfortunately though, Abuse is usually a cycle… I hced Rei dealt with a lot of mental and emotional abuse from her parents, her mother especially. that's how rei's family was. and in my hc quirk marriage is just a revamped arranged marriage. like quirk marriages in and of themselves are not evil like it's just. a cultural practice basically. but rei's family w endeavor........... her abuse was most prominently her own mother, They were VERY conservative, Very “the woman should serve the man” type people. endeavor was looking for someone with the right quirk so like. It’s reasonable to think that rei’s quirk had potential to be as strong as endeavor’s, just with ice. Yet she NEVER became a pro-hero? I think it’s because her parents never even considered it. Her taking an active duty job would have been disgraceful.

And culturally, most arranged marriages are agreements. i don't think Enji stomped in and kidnapped rei. There was an agreement. He was young, too. Like. Rei probably got married at like 18-19...he was no. 2 by 20. He was so driven to be no. 1. He is 46 now, and fuyumi is 23. like he's been grinding his whole career.

So if touya’s older, they had him basically right when they got married. The kids are all about four years apart so it’s probable that he basically had a kid, waited for the quirk to manifest, and then would have another...and fuyumi is the ONLY one who doesn't have that 4 yr age gap. she's closer to touya's age than the other gaps. SO I hc Touya And fuyumi r closer in age like that Bc Touya was supposed to be the Child who Succeeded. his fire quirk WAS strong. and therefore fuyumi was actually just. a planned child. because at that time their marriage wasn't complete shit it was like. something rei was optimistic abt.

for anyone who’s seen game of thrones,  there's one scene where sb accuses cersei of hating the king and she talks almost wistfully about how she was so excited to marry him bc of how strong and famous he was and she was so nervous on her wedding night but then stannis stumbled in drunk and came in 2 minutes and said another woman's name and she quickly became disillusioned by the idea of her whole marriage. I compare Rei’s view on her marriage to that scene.

she agreed to marry endeavor and he was a desirable bachelor @ that point. she was excited to try and get to know him and "be a good wife" to him but. his focus on work was always first. and rei, raised how she was and trying to make things work how she was, did her best to maintain what she thought a good home was for HIM. to keep HIM happy. i don't actually think he started out smacking everyone around. i think physically, touya rei and shouto were the people he abused while natsuo and fuyumi never got that.

he was training touya and fuyumi was planned and that was the only "happy" part of the marriage

it was when touya started “failing” that the things got ugly. I think fuyumi has memories of the family being functional and happy because at the beginning they WERE ... they were functional and did things together and acted like a nuclear family. through a child’s perception, that’s what she wanted to go back to.

Anyways, Rei Met enji. And like., She ofc didn’t love him but she at least kind of liked him as a person. When a man like that comes and asks to marry your daughter it’s not some ogre carrying her off, he was a desirable bachelor & her parents LEAPT at it.

 Rei was hopeful @ first. She thought "he’s handsome and strong maybe this will be a good marriage". She romanticized him a little bit. She kept thinking about being “good enough” for him. She kept giving him children, cleaning the house, being subservient because she was taught that those things made a good wife. she tried to be a good wife. 

 every time he got angry or distant she just blamed herself. what did SHE do to upset him. what did SHE do that didn't make him happy enough. 

 Endeavor didn’t hit her until shouto in my hc ... I think w shouto he just seriously lost his mind bc 3 kids in and no perceived progress. But up until that point, every time he got angry or distant Rei blamed herself. Every time he didn’t want to look at natsuo or called Touya a failure she blamed herself. And like. That fantasy was falling apart.

A resentment started brewing. She was starting to really resent her husband to the point where Touya being so similar to him made her uncomfortable. i do hc that at the time touya looked the most like him / had a temper (obviously we know him being angry would be him lashing out bc he was abused, i'm not saying his temper is wrong or bad). And fuyumi was so similar to HER I think being around her made her sad. I don’t think rei was weak and a pushover at the beginning....She was trying her best and by the very end she was tired

Now going into when she had her youngest child. All the other children disappointed enji and by default were  rei’s “failures”. She didn't give him good enough children to make him happy. That was HER fault. She loved her children of course, but being a victim of abuse from her own family would sometimes get distant from them. Rei has very said, distant eyes. she's always been that way.

Whenever enji yelled at them (I don’t think he hit them @ that point in time) she would make excuses for him.  

Touya and her were developing a strained relationship bc she’d ask the wrong questions and say the wrong things... “You shouldn’t have made your father mad” and things like that in response to his abuse because in her head smoothing things over is still the best approach. She wasn’t trying to hurt him, she just...wasn’t thinking rationally. She thought she was, but she was speaking from a place of abuse herself. She was taught to keep her head down.

When Touya would get angry he’d look so much like enji she’d visibly flinch away from his yelling. It strained their relationship. Like you know how you can’t take it out on the person who makes you angry so you take it out on someone else? like that. again, 100% wrong on rei's part. she made mistakes and tried too hard to please enji. She lowkey put her fear of enji into Touya as he got older. Tried not to show it but it was so clear he made her uncomfortable. And Fuyumi. She kept thinking fuyumi was gonna end up just like her and hated that.

there's distance with both of them because of those feelings. Then she has shouto and like. He’s her whole world. He’s nothing like her or enji and he’s sweet and he thinks the world of rei...Rei ADORED shouto. Natsuo was also very close with rei because endeavor straight up ignored him.

 And the shit starts where he wants to train shouto and she’s trying to stop him. She wants to put her foot down. She doesn’t want him to take her baby and make him like himself. She couldn’t protect Touya, but she won’t let the same thing happen to shouto. SHe starts being defiant. The fighting starts, the hitting starts. 

And you remember how right before she burns him she was on the phone with her family? Saying “I can’t take this anymore” over and over...She wanted to leave. That HAS to mean she has called them before which means this entire time every time she had a problem she probably called her mother or something for advice. And like. I’m sure. SURE Her mother was always on the other end telling her to smooth things over. To fix it. To make it right. To be a good wife. Insinuating she was a bad one for having problems in her house.

Which is why rei never left, She didn’t think to. It never crossed her mind outside of being some silly intrusive thought she’d never entertain... She had mental health issues for years, Anxiety and depression that went unchecked and developed into a schizoaffective disorder. She didn’t hear voices but she would just develop this severe irrational paranoia. and it all came to a head when she burned shouto.

when she got to the mental hospital I don’t think she took it well at all, I think she got there and kept insisting she was fine, was in denial that she was sick. I think she kept screaming and begging enji not to take her kids from her. I think she tried refusing medications, Pocketing pills, Hiding shit. Thinking she didn’t need help, she’s not crazy! Trying to leave and walk out. Her first year there was hard because they had to restrain her, give her injections. The whole ordeal.

She was very resistant to care at first. I also hc like. She’s clearly fine and having worked in a mental hospital before a lot of people ARE fine while they’re there but they’re so scared of integrating back into society they just don’t want to leave. She's not so mentally unwell she needs to be inpatient for 10 years that's just. not realistic. She could have been discharged earlier, but she didn’t wanna go back home. She was afraid to live in the real world again. So she stayed of her own choice there.

REI DOESN’T WANT TO LIVE IN THE HOUSE ENJI BUILT. In fact, when she gets out, she sees natsuo and fuyumi argue about who is going to live with her (to take care of her) and rei just quietly says she’s decided not to live with either of them. She loves her kids, she wants to have a place in their lives again somehow, but she’s also ashamed of how Fuyumi, Natsuo, and Shouto all think they have to “save” her. She’s lost all the years to raise them, but if there’s one more thing she can do for them as a mother, it’s stand up on her own two feet and not burden them any more than she already has. She tells them that she’s sorry for being weak, but that she wants things to be different. And because of that, she says she’s gonna live in a group home for women until she can get a job and get her own place. She has help from the hospital and she’s going to use those resources. 

The kids try to dispute it, but Rei won’t budge. She knows she failed them as a mother and knows she can’t change her weakness in her past, but she refuses to do that to them any longer. She isn’t a fool --- she knows it will make an already hard transition that much harder, but all she’s ever been is someone’s daughter. someone’s sister. someone’s wife. someone’s mother.

For the first time in her life, she wants to be Rei. 

[sometimesrosy]

I’m honestly asking this because I’m genuinely curious but—seriously why are you such a bitch to people who are just asking questions and who want to know more? You treat them like them not subscribing to your exact brand of analysis makes them bad people. I don’t get it.

People can have any sort of analysis they want. watsonian, doylist, psychological, cultural, historical, feminist, new criticism, reader response. I support fanfiction and fanworks. I support engaging with the content to understand your own life, experiences, identity and traumas. I ASK that they stick to the text, back up their theories with evidence FROM THE TEXT, consider the parts of canon that conflict with or debunk their theories and point out where they are engaging in logical fallacies like ad hominem attacks or confirmation bias.

This is called critical thinking. It’s pretty close to the scientific method. I’m a teacher, even though I left the schools, and it’s just who I am. In fact, I don’t subscribe to only one form of analysis. One day I’ll talk about trauma, one day I’ll talk about representations of misogyny and toxic mascuilinity, one day I’ll talk about the doylist needs of how to tell a story, the next I’ll fucking squee about bellarke and the epicness of it all.

I will ALSO analyze fandom itself, using critical thinking, social psychology, history, looking for patterns, cause and effect etcetera, and I will be honest when I see fandom doing unhealthy, toxic, irrational, unbalanced, cruel or abusive things I will speak out. No one likes their flaws being pointed out. But that doesn’t mean there are no flaws. I ALSO examine my own flaws and biases and consider the alternate points of view on a regular basis. I examine my own presence in fandom, how I can adjust or change to make the experience better for myself and my followers. But you can’t make other people be self reflective if they don’t want to look in the mirror.

You’re also acting like it’s my job to answer your question nicely and give everything i’ve got just because you ask me a question even if you don’t put the same thought into your ask. A lot of people have thought that I was like some sort of fandom mom or their teacher hired to give them gold stars. It’s one of the reasons I changed my name from rosymamacita, because I was tired of being treated like people’s moms who had to love them no matter how awful they were being. Shoot. My own daughter (a bellarke shipper) gets sarcasm and sass and scolded and punished. When I was a teacher I marked up people’s essays and scolded and told them no and got sarcastic and failed their asses for not using critical thinking. I had rubrics explaining the expectations. And if they didn’t meet them they failed. I mean. Who in the world is expected to only be nice, forever, and never disagree, say no, get impatient, get snippy, be sarcastic, or what ever. Only me is it? Why? 

As an ex english and humanities teacher, some things specifically annoy me. Like erasing canon. Your high school english teachers should be ashamed sometimes. It’s like y’all think shipping or stanning suspends the rules of logic.

When people erase canon it means they can’t understand the show. this isn’t actually analysis, it’s personal response. and personal response is valid, but it’s not understanding, it’s not analysis, it’s not interpretation. No matter how much they love their faves or their OTP, if they ignore the canon to stan their faves, they’ve lost the story. They are no longer analyzing anything that I’m analyzing aka canon. We’re literally not talking about the same thing.

That’s like using unicorns as a scientific basis to study narwhals. 

Unicorns are awesome, but it’s SO not any sort of understanding of narwhals. It’s made up. And not narwhals. Just because they share a singular horn and being a mammal, you can’t say the narwhal is the unicorn. You can analyze the wonder of the unicorn, but it still ain’t the narwhal, and saying the narwhal is the unicorn and failing in it’s job as a unicorn is... well does that make sense?

You ask why I’m a bitch sometimes? Did you happen to read my blog header?

I’m sometimes rosy

These are my rules. I ship bellarke, if you put bellarke hate or bellarke doubt or ‘i’m so worried bellarke is never going to happen’s into my inbox. You’re breaking my rules. If you are negative and disempowering you’re breaking my rules. Shipwars, fanwars character hate and writer hate are all against my rules.

When i was nice and sweet and entertained all that stuff, you know what happened? Constant harassment. Constant anxiety. Constant begging me to feed fandom neurosis in the guise of asking for assurance. All that has gotten a lot better since I developed stronger boundaries. And you know who HATES it when I have boundaries and calls me a bitch for setting them firmly and not backing down, no matter what tone I use?  People who want to cross my boundaries and suck me dry. So kiss off with your tone policing.

Maybe I’m a bitch because someone pissed me off, or they’re ignoring the fifty thousand times I told them to stick to the text, or I’m exhausted and anxious about something in my actual life, since, you know, i’m a real person who is not perfect.

Maybe I’m not a bitch, I’m just sarcastic, and you’re so stuffed up with your own ego that anything but stroking your dick reads as me being a bitch. Oh. Was it when I said the flame was a party favor not canon? That’s the bitchiest I was this morning, and that was fucking funny. Did I hurt your feelings because you think a party favor means lxa is coming back? lol. Maybe that’s what this ask is about. If you had sent me another anon saying I hurt your feelings, I would apologize and explain without the sarcasm. I’ve done that before. But you didn’t. You called me a bitch.

Maybe I’m a bitch because I’m a bitch. It’s my blog. Deal with it. I am allowed to be a bitch. I did not ask you to follow me. I am absolutely a bitch now. Thanks. It’s your fault.

Maybe I’m a bitch to anons sometimes because of you, you coward on anon. Because I get shit like this constantly, and I never know who any of you on anon are, whether you’re one of my stalkers or someone who used to call me The Devil, or part of that kru that SOMEONE is still sending to attack me. I don’t know yet I keep my anons open.

Me? I own up to everything I say, even when I’m wrong, even when I’m called a bitch. I don’t hide behind anon like you so no one can ever judge your behavior or words. 

“genuinely curious” my ass. Because if you were genuinely curious you would  read my blog and see my DETAILED fucking explanations for why I do what I do and think what I think and stand behind what I stand behind.  Do you notice that I wrote a fucking ESSAY explaining why I do what I do, using evidence and examples and types of literary analysis and this is NOT the first time I’ve done this.

Or if you were honestly asking, you would have honestly sent me a private message (which are open and always have been and I respond) asking me what my reasons are without calling me names.

You just wanted to send a nasty anon. 

And I think that makes YOU the bitch. Don’t pull that guilt trip, tone policing, condescending shit with me. Pretending to be honestly asking because you want to understand. 

Sealioning

A subtle form of trolling involving "bad-faith" questions. You disingenuously frame your conversation as a sincere request to be enlightened, placing the burden of educating you entirely on the other party. If your bait is successful, the other party may engage, painstakingly laying out their logic and evidence in the false hope of helping someone learn. In fact you are attempting to harass or waste the time of the other party, and have no intention of truly entertaining their point of view. Instead, you react to each piece of information by misinterpreting it or requesting further clarification, ad nauseum. The name "sea-lioning" comes from a Wondermark comic strip. [x]

[queenmuzz]

Deep Blue Sea: Chapter XI

Father Knows Best

Read the full story on Ao3 Here

WARNING: WHILE THIS CHAPTER DOES NOT CONTAIN OUTRIGHT ABUSE, BE WARNED THAT PARENTAL EMOTIONAL CONFLICT IS INVOLVED. THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR PARENTS, NOR SHOULD YOU BE FORCED TO ACCEPT IT, IF IT IS HAPPENING TO YOU.

The young man opened the door for you as you slowed to a stop under the alcove.  He was impeccably dressed, and smiled professionally as he took your keys from you.

While he got in the driver's seat, you straightened your dress, your purse, and stiffened your posture.  You’d gone so long without makeup, that by just putting it on this afternoon, you felt that old shot of confidence you felt when you first tried it as a teenager.  And today, you’d need all the confidence you could muster.

Vergil that evening had seen you just before you headed out, and a couple of weeks ago, you’d have not batted an eyelash at his reaction.  But now?  With the knowledge that you’d gained?

“You look lovely,” he had said as you approached the glass.  He’d been swimming lazy laps around, and stopped dead in his tracks, (or was it in mid stroke?) when he’d seen you, and you instantly flushed.  Ever since your meeting with Vergil’s rambunctious sibling, every word, action, and smile was now interpreted under a filter of the feelings he felt for you. 

Or was it now all unfiltered?

“Thank you Vergil,” you smiled as you put on your heels, (ugh, how you detested the things) and checked your makeup in the mirror one more time.

“What is the occasion?”

“Well, my father,” you could swear you saw him tense up, “has finally come home from his business venture, and has invited me out for dinner, so I have to dress up a bit, to keep up appearances.”

“You don’t seem to be looking forward to this”

Drat, the merman was far too observant for his own good. “Well, meetings with my father tend to have the added pressure of him mixing his business in everything, so I always kind of feel tense at these gatherings.”

“Will your future bondmate be there? Perhaps he will be able to smooth things out for you.”

You glanced down at the engagement ring that fit snugly around your finger.  Was it just you, or did it feel heavier nowadays?  And had the pink diamonds lost their sparkle? “Unfortunately, he’ll be gone for another week,”

“But isn’t your bonding ceremony very soon?” “Yeah, he’s gonna cut  it real close…” you chuckled without any sort of happiness as you placed your handbag strap over your shoulder.

“Sifa?”

That damnable name.  You should have asked him to stop, he would have acquiesced, if reluctantly.  But you’d been selfish, and you liked the meaning behind it, so you let the tragic charade play out.  But it wouldn’t be much longer now…

You summoned all your acting skills and pasted on a smile.  “It’s just the stress of planning this whole thing, I’m glad it’s almost over.”  You looked up at the clock, “Shoot, looks like I’m cutting it close now too, gotta go!  Seeya  later Vergil!”  And you practically ran out the door, as fast as the wobbly shoes could take you.

“Ah, good to see you miss,” the maitre’d smiled graciously at you as you walked in, before grabbing a menu, “Your father is waiting for you,  this way please.”  You followed him to one of the private rooms.  Thank God, you thought.  You needed the much needed privacy for your conversation this evening.

“SWEETHEART!” Your father bellowed as he got out of his chair, and threw his arms around you in an embrace that you honestly had to admit you really missed. “How is my wonderful daughter doing?  It feels like ages since I saw you last,” he sat down as a waiter refilled his glass of water, and then filled yours.  He had a bowl of clam chowder in front of him, and at your place, there was an appetizer sized bowl of chicken caesar salad, “I took the liberty of ordering it for you, it’s always been your favourite. Now,” he said as he placed his spoon into the creamy concoction, “let’s enjoy this long overdue father-daughter date!”

“So, your future father-in-law was so busy showing me his gun collection that he forgot to set the timer on the oven, so I says to him ‘Jerry, you smell something burning?’ and he starts cursing in both English AND Japanese as we both race to the oven.” Your father dug into the roast baby potatoes “mmm, I missed this… Rice is no substitute to the humble tuber.  Anyways, he and I open it up and it’s like the literal gates of hell with all the smoke pouring out.  Couldn’t get the smell of burning bread out for weeks!  And the poor loaf,” he looked genuinely mournful.  “Snatched away far too soon, before it could even fulfil its destiny”

You couldn’t help but giggle at his dramatic re-enactment as you chewed a biteful of tortellini. Your father was right, it had been far too long since you’d spent time with him.  His corny puns, his wacky stories, and his boasts. It made you almost forget why you were being tense around him.

“Ah yes,” he speared a cut of his steak, “almost forgot to pass along a message from Fredrick.  He’ll be here in about a week, says he’s really sorry he didn’t come home sooner.  Apparently there were some last minute certification delays with the government,  But,” he said as he chewed “I’m sure you’ve got nearly everything under control.  By the time he arrives, all he’ll need is a tux fitting, a low key bachelor party, and you’ll both be good to go!”

A waitress, dressed prim and proper poured both of you some wine.  It was hard to ignore the way your father stared just a touch too intently at her form fitting dress as she bent slightly to pour you a glass.  

When she had slipped out of sight, he chuckled, “there’s one thing I miss about Japan, it’s the ladies…” he stared into space for a little bit, before shaking his thoughts.  You definitely did not want to know what he had been thinking. “So, you’ve probably been a busy bee, for the past few months, you must be grateful that your big day is almost here, and that your mother is finally off your case.”

“Yes… about that.” you wiped your mouth politely with a napkin, before taking a deep breath.  It was time.  It should have been done a long time ago, but it was now or never.  Your father picked up on the change of tone and paused, his forkful of lobster halfway to his mouth.

“I… I don’t think I can go through with this.”

The only sound, aside from the distant murmurs of other diners outside your room, was a sharp CLINK as the seafood loaded fork clattered on the plate.

“Pardon?” he asked, unbelieving.

“I don’t think I can marry Fredrick.” you repeated.  This was the moment, the cat was out of the bag, and you forced yourself to continue, refusing to meet your father’s dumbfounded gaze. “There’s nothing wrong with him, he hasn’t hurt me, or cheated on me, but I can’t see him as the man I would spend the rest of my life with, let alone raise a family, or run a business.  I… I just don’t think we have what it takes…”

After a few moments of agonizing silence, and you grew the balls to look up at him.

He was just staring at you, before breaking out in laughter.  

Your hands, currently on your lap, balled up into fists as he just threw back his head in uproarious cackling.  Here you were, practically baring your soul to the man you trusted most in this world, and he had the fucking gall to laugh?

“Oh man,” he said, wiping up a stray tear, “Sweetheart, of all the jokes you could tell me, this is one of the more creative ones.”  He was on attempt number two for the forkful of lobster.

“It’s not a joke, dad!  I’ve never been so serious in my life!  I’ve been thinking all these past few months,” you tried to keep your voice down, but your emotions, once held back by a dam, were now breaking through, “and I really believe getting married, right now, to this man is the wrong thing for both me and him.”

“Sweetheart,” your father crooned like you were a tantruming toddler, which made it even more infuriating, “I know what you’re feeling.”

“Then you agree?” you asked hopefully.

“You’re getting cold feet.  It happens to a lot of newlyweds.  Hell, it happened to me and your mom.”

“Yeah, and now you guys can’t stand to be in the same room as each other, so” you spread out your hands in a ‘duh’ motion. “I think that proves my point.”

Your father’s face darkened.  “You have no idea what’s at stake here, how many connections will just be snapped in half if this wedding doesn’t go through.  I’ve made so many deals, so many business negotiations with Fredrick’s family.  All hinging on this one ceremony.  Do you want to take all the hard work I’ve done and throw it all away?” “But-”

“And think what it will do to our family’s reputation, your reputation!?” He slammed the fork down, jostling the dishes on the table, causing you to jerk in surprise.  It had been a long time since you had seen him angry, and frankly, it kinda scared you.  “Your mother is going to be heartbroken, she’s wanted this to be the perfect wedding for you.  And your bridesmaids!  They look to you for leadership.  Are you going to be the one to let them down, to have them think of you as the lady that was too cowardly to take that final step.  And Fredrick!  Are you willing to be remembered by him as the woman who broke his heart?”

“I-”  you couldn’t respond.  You had expected resistance to your decision, but not outright hostility.  And as much as you hated to admit it, your father was right.  This wedding, this marriage, it wasn’t just about you, it never had been.  And as much as you tried to fight it, the damage you would cause by breaking this off would be catastrophic.

“Look”, your father’s voice returned to its gentle tone, “Don’t think I don’t care about you, nothing further could be from the truth, it’s just that I’ve been in your shoes before, and I know what’s best for you…”

“Dad…” you whispered, your eyes blurry from unwept tears, as your father slowly got up and walked to your side of the table, before wiping your eyes delicately with his napkin.

“Now, now,” he murmured as he smiled, “this is supposed to be a happy time.  If it puts your mind at ease, I can have my lawyer draft you up an iron-clad prenup.  That way, if things go pear shaped, you’ll be covered.  But you said it yourself, Fredrick is a very nice man, and if I had the slightest inkling that he would hurt you, I would have never let him even meet you.” He knelt down, and placed both of his hands on your cheeks, “Just trust me...trust in yourself.  You can do this.”

And that was it, you broke down in tears, the months of stress making you crumble in your father’s arms.  He hugged you close as he murmured soft reasurances into your crown.  And you believed him.  You needed to go through with this.

After a few minutes, you felt emptied, like a wet towel that had been put through the wringer.  The emotional weight was gone, but instead of feeling relieved, you just felt...hollow.  Your father slowly let go of you and made his way back to his side of the table, almost as if nothing had even happened.  Your breathing had almost returned to normal, but there was still an ache in your chest, as if you had almost drowned.

“Now,” your father said, as he raised up his glass in a toast.  “To a promising future”

You raised up yours, and repeated numbly, 

“To a promising future.”

******

You’d returned home,  tossed your heels into the closet and went straight to the washroom to clean off the makeup, once immaculate, now smeared on your face.  The valet’s look of concern and pity was too much to bear, and you slipped him a hundred just for him to stop looking at you that way. 

It took several rinses to not only wash off the makeup, but to make your face look presentable to Vergil, to place that pleasant mask you had to wear for just a few more days.  Checking your calendar, you assured yourself that in three days time, the full moon would appear, and the weather forecast had predicted clear skies.  The stars...or in this case, the moon had aligned perfectly.  All you needed now was to locate the damn sword.  That would be easy though, the warehouse was the place Doctor Griffon kept his ‘research’, at the behest of your father, and there was a walk in safe there.  You’d have to access  security footage to make doubly sure, but if there was any place it could be, that would be it.  You’d have to do the break in on the very night, to avoid any suspicion that a prison break was about to take place, but you had keys and knew codes.  Just slip in, slip out, and drop Vergil off like he was a package.  Simple.

It was actually making you feel better, as you typed on your laptop, with an oblivious Vergil chowing down on some ramen and a plateful of bacon nearby.  The fact you had something that was 100 percent in your control, that you alone were responsible for, grounded you.  

You watched the security feed, as the Good Doctor got ready to leave for the day.  He was placing manilla folders in a filing cabinet located in the safe, its dim light making it hard to see-wait, there it was.   Leaning against it, there was the familiar long slender case, unmistakable due to its size and shape.  Doctor Griffon, obviously satisfied with his work for the day, looked to be whistling as he left.  It would be a cinch to do this.

You closed the laptop, and looked up at Vergil, who was watching you with interest.

“How was your dinner?” he asked as he slurped up the last of the noodles.

“Pretty good, all things considered,” you lied.  It was getting easier and easier to do.  “Fredrick should be showing up next week, so all I gotta do is finish up the final touches, and…” either the wine or the play acting was affecting you, because your head was starting to ache.

“Are you alright, Sifa?”  his voice seemed to take the pain away, slightly.

“Just tiredness, I suppose.  All this planning has been keeping me up at night.” “Would you like me to sing?” he offered, and you were disinclined to accept, before your tiredness changed your mind.

“That would be very kind of you to do so, your singing is very soothing to me.”

He almost looked as if he was beaming as he opened his mouth to sing, his voice taking an echoy quality in the open space.

Isil shem’ore

Isil lin’ore

Mira pharar, mira ofar, mira kanar,

D’rashana karif’ore

Isil dilshonin sa oplalim

Sa kintal o sa polim

Sa racarto shipal o sa whelik

Nekalin parand’ore fa pishim

Ah, mira sifa, mira sifa

Winik fa pishim lin’more.

And as your mind slowly became comfortably numb to the day’s events, you idly wondered to yourself, Strange, I thought this was an ode to the Sun?

******

You weren’t quite sure what was more painful, the driving rain that beat into your exposed body like hail, or your fingertips as they clung to the craggy rock, being cut to ribbons as you lost and regained your grip on sharp edges.  

Or maybe it was the gale-force winds screaming as they whipped around you, through you like knives of ice.  Strange, the winds did not howl or scream, as winds ought to do.  No that would have been preferable to what you heard.  Snatches of voices, reminding you of your failures, of your shortcomings…

“Will you now….make me the luckiest man in the world?”

“I understand you're eager to put all your knowledge to good use, but you deserve a break”

“It doesn't speak, they don't have the intelligence to”

“Never satisfied with their lot in life, they take, and take, and take…”

“Look, my father said that was usually the reserve of the ladies, and you're getting a top notch wedding planner, so how hard could it be?”

“But you do not love him.”

“This is YOUR day, you need to go all out!  With luck, this will be the most important day of your life.” 

 “This is supposed to be YOUR day, you shouldn’t be such a doormat”

“You don’t just call anyone Sifa, it's a fairly dedicated term, and Vergil wouldn’t just call you that if he didn’t mean it.” 

“Sifa”

Out of nowhere you felt a calming presence holding you, protecting you from the brunt of the storm, but it still didn’t block out everything.  But it was so comforting, so you relaxed for just a moment.  That was a mistake, as your bloody fingertips slipped off the rock, and you began sliding into the churning waters below.

“SIFA!”

You awoke, gasping for air, hands gripping on nothing before you realized it had just been a nightmare, no doubt caused by the day’s events.  You must have dozed off to Vergil’s singing, right there on the platform.  Speaking of which… the only thing that remained of the dream was the sensation of being held…. 

Clammy webbed hands held you, ever so gently, around your waist, and spreading wetness was at your back.  Usually, you’d find the coldness to be unpleasant, but instead, it felt… comforting. A stream of unintelligible soft words were being murmured into the back of your neck. “Vergil?” you hesitatingly asked.

“A nightmare, nothing more, Mira Sifa.” you felt his breath still momentarily, “it was the only way I could think of to calm you down, I will go, if you desire…”

What you SHOULD have done was to thank him graciously, but then get up, wish him goodnight and plod off to much needed sleep.  You SHOULD not encourage these feelings you had for him, nor his for you.  You SHOULD not endanger the new chapter of your life that was about to begin. But tonight….tonight, SHOULDS could go to hell.  Tonight, you would be selfish, and you snuggled into his arms, earning a soft intake of breath as he continued to hold you, to softly sing you back into sleep, into dreams as calm as the waters beside you.

Ah, Mira Sifa, Mira Sifa…..

Winik fa pishim lin’more?

[dogcopter]

Rose is Lion 2020: Season 2 Episode 16: Nightmare Hospital

Rose is Liveblog 2020 Masterlist

This ep has one of the Lion moments that I think will literally kill people after the reveal. It’s also a great episode. Connie! Zombies! Mom stuff! Sword!

Lion and Steven drop Connie off at home.

“Well, time to assume my secret identity.” 

Lore: Lion has a secret identity and is right there. 

Also, as someone who had both a secret identity and controlling guardians, Rose Quartz is learning relatable Connie lore.

Connie and Lion best buds

Steven asks permission this time before rummaging around in Lion’s mane, and Lion grants it.

Good kids. Steven lends Connie Rose’s sword, which she first refuses but Steven insists. 

Lion ditched them immediately after they went inside. He was giving Connie a ride but Steven can walk home lol

After Connie’s mom confiscates the sword, Connie, Steven and Lion visit a hospital. Only Connie has been to one before.

Connie on Lion: "I’d feel really bad if my mom confiscated him too.”

Steven reveals a trump card

Lion fucking LOVES Lion Lickers!

Have you ever seen him this engaged about anything?

"And he didn’t even take the plastic off!” ”What an animal!” GOOD KIDS

I don’t have a Rose explanation for the Lion Lickers thing. If you do let me know. Maybe he’s just in cat mode. 

Maybe Rose goes apeshit for ice cream too. Maybe it’s because the mascot has hair like Pink Diamond. Maybe he knows the manufacturer. Idk. 

But Lion’s happy. Kinda rude of Steven not to open the wrapper for him, although maybe Lion doesn’t even care about eating it.

Best kids break into the hospital, try to steal the sword, fight zombies, confront Dr. Maheswaran’s overprotectiveness. They have a whole moment and a great fight. The episode ends with a scene in the parking lot, just as Connie’s mom is mulling over the reality of what her daughter’s been getting into.

Then Connie’s mom meets Steven’s mom.

Lion is still sitting near Priyanka when Connie starts to talk to her.

Mom, I'm really sorry about lying to you. It started off as a tiny secret, and then I felt like if I didn't hide it, you wouldn't let me see Steven ever again.

Is that how you feel? Are we too controlling?

This moment is important development for Connie and her mom and their relationship. This is a turning point for them. 

“I just wanted to be a good mother. I...I just wanted to protect you.”

Connie has hidden things from her parents all this time. Having to fight in front of her mom allowed Connie to gather her courage and declare who she really is; she gets to have an honest conversation and hear her mom recognize her own behavior and acknowledge something needs to change in their relationship. And she does! 

Her mom, in turn, is reevaluating her definition of a good mother - how to express what she feels to her daughter - she loves her, she wants her to be safe, she wants her to be able to trust her parents enough to talk to them.

Priyanka immediately says she’ll try and keep an open mind, and relax the rules at home, shocking Connie most of all.

This is another important conversation Lion is overhearing. It’s likely to hit close to home for Lion because Lion is Rose: Keeping secrets that start off small and grow bigger, and having developed that instinct in part from fear of a controlling guardian. 

Rose didn’t ever have that moment like Connie seeing her mom step back from her “role” and understand how she’s been treating her, let alone progress from there but her son will, a few seasons from now:

Priyanka says something else that carries weight here:

It scares me that you can't talk to me. I need to know what's happening in your life. I need to step in when you're in over your head. Would you just promise me you'll stop all this lying?

This is a resiliency milestone for Connie. This is a conversation Rose never got to have with the Diamonds, which is tragic. But there’s someone else present who never got to have this moment. 

This is the conversation Steven has been missing, that’s at the root of his stress in Future. He’s never had an adult step in when he’s in over his head; he often feels like the only one who can solve a conflict, or protect everyone, or get through to someone. And his guardians, though they love him, often don’t know what to do with him, or don’t understand when he needs them. He had a hard time getting the Gems to spend time with him as a kid, and they and Greg have been depressed since losing Rose. Greg shies away from Gem stuff, and feels he can’t appropriately gauge Steven’s abilities and whether or not things are safe. He grew up without an emotional safety net. 

And his mom just stood there and watched it all happen.

Dr. Maheswaran: I love you, honey. Connie: I love you too, mom.

Yeah, this reveal is gonna hurt.

[thedogpetspage546-blog]

Cats Like Individuals!

In the seasonal fight over pets and kittens, there's a clear public relations winner. Canines are man's buddy. They're sociable, faithful and obedient. Our relationship with kittens, on the other hand, is frequently described as more transactional. Aloof, mystical and independent, kitties are with us just due to the fact that we feed them. Or maybe not. On Monday, scientists reported that cats are just as strongly bonded to us as babies or pets, vindicating cat fans across the land. " I get that a lot-- 'Well, I knew that, I know that kitties like to engage with me,'" said Kristyn Vitale, an animal habits scientist at Oregon State University and lead author of the new study, published in Current Biology. "But in science, you don't know that until you test it." Research into kitten behavior has actually lagged that into dogs. Cats are not social animals, many scientists presumed-- and not as simple to deal with. However current studies have actually begun to plumb the depth of kitties' social lives. " This concept that kittens do not actually appreciate individuals or react to them isn't holding up," Dr. Vitale said. In a study in 2017, Dr. Vitale and her coworkers found that the bulk of cats prefer interacting with a person over consuming or having fun with a toy. In a 2019 study, the researchers found that pussy-cats adjust their habits according to just how much attention a person gives them. Other scientists have discovered that kittens are delicate to human feeling and state of mind, and that kitties know their names. Scientists had arrived at conflicting findings about whether kitties form attachments to their owners, however, so Dr. Vitale and her associates developed a research study to more clearly evaluate the hypothesis. They hired owners of 79 kittycats and 38 adult pussy-cats to take part in a "secure base test," an experiment typically used to measure bonds that dogs and primates form with caretakers. A similar test is also utilized for human infants. It is based on the theory that babies form an inherent bond with caretakers that manifests as a strong desire to be near that person. In the experiment, which lasted 6 minutes, kitty and kitten owners went into an unknown room with their animals. After two minutes, the owner left the space, leaving the pussy-cat or kitten alone-- a potentially difficult experience for the animal. When the owner returned 2 minutes later on, the scientists observed the feline's action. About two-thirds of pussy-cats and kitties concerned welcome their owners when they returned, and then went back to checking out the room, regularly returning to their owners. These animals, the researchers concluded, were securely connected to their owners, meaning they viewed them as a safe base in an unfamiliar situation. " This might be an adjustment of the bond they would have with their moms and dads when they were young," Dr. Vitale stated. This habits, she included, may indicate: "Everything's O.K. My owner's back, I feel comforted and assured, and now I can return to exploring." About 35 percent of kittens and cats showed insecure attachment: They avoided their owners, or clung to them when they returned into the room. This does not imply that these animals have a bad relationship with their owners, Dr. Vitale said, but rather that they do not see their owners as a source of security and stress relief. The findings mirror those found in research studies of pet dogs and human children. In people, 65 percent of infants display secure attachment to their caretakers, as do 58 percent of canines. " This result recommends a resemblance in sociality in people and buddy animals," said Atsuko Saito, a behavioral researcher at Sophia University in Tokyo, who was not involved in the new research. "Investigating this phenomenon will assist us much better understand the evolution of sociality in animals, including us."