#my only regret is that while this was fun to do in magma

[ultipoter]

In April's pokemagma event, we joked about Volo Cola being a thing, so I naturally committed to the bit and redrew a vintage cola ad

[winniefrezcomics]

I got reminded of these when I saw a repost

A mini comic you drew a while ago shows Iris in jail with Perry talking to him through glass. Perry has a smile and is guessing what they charged him on in a joking manner, also based on the wording of Perry and Iris conversation it isn't the first time he has been arrested.

So I was wondering if there was a pacific event that did lead him to getting arrested and i'm so curious what Perry's reaction was to seeing or being told his boyfriend was arrested.

Sorrry this is so long I just love your AU! And character designs 💙💜 (*´ ˘ `*)

AWH TYSM!! 🥺💕❤️ dw i love long questions dbdbddhjd, ranting incomprehensibly abt my AU satiates the hyperfocus demons 😂😂

Tbh for a second I got confused bc I thought u were talking abt a doodle comic I never finished or posted, but then I remembered this magma doodle exists 😂😂

Dug that comic out to finish it for this ask too tho bc I lowkey forgot I was almost done w it ☠️☠️ ty for the reminder mwah mwah 😚

SO UH- I feel like in a human AU, it would only make sense for Irep to have an EXTENSIVE criminal record, starting even back in elementary school 😂😂

Infodump under cut- (Cw for incarceration, false imprisonment, and a VERY brief mention of child abuse at the end- spoiler: Iris rocks an abusers shit HARD and goes to prison for it but jokes on them bc Perry and Iris then adopt his daughter and give her the loving parents she deserves 💙💜)

Kid Iris probably got sent to Juvie a few times but never stayed long because his rich daddy would either bail him out or prevent him from being emitted entirely- same story for his teen years- as far as WHAT lands him in juvie/jail in his youth, the general answer is “doing whatever the fuck he wants and having no concern over the consequences” wheeze

Vandalism, fist-fights, petty theft, grand theft auto, trespassing, breaking and entering- that sort of thing- his parents will always forgive him, so Iris has VERY little forethought when it comes to what actions may lead to getting him in legal trouble ☠️

HOWEVER, once Iris turned 18 and was legally an adult, his dad had more trouble bailing him out every time, so he had to serve a few short sentences here and there, but just sort of got used to the pattern of “do whatever the fuck I want, serve jail time if the cops catch me, go back to doing whatever the fuck I want” 😂😂

Perry is never PLEASED to hear that Iris has been arrested again, but he’s also never surprised. usually Perry will either just sigh and reschedule thier upcoming dates, or if Iris has pissed him off recently, break up w him for the hundredth time only to inevitably take him back once Iris is released and stands outside his window w a boombox in the pouring rain or some other equally dramatic romantic gesture 😂

(Sidenote: I think another reason (anti) Cosmo starts to have trouble keeping Iris out of the hands of the law is that HE HIMSELF starts to get into hot water for stuff like tax fraud and embezzlement wheeze)

Unfortunately my friend you have activated my ANGST TRAP CARD w this one- check out below the cut for a huge infodump abt Iris’ Jailtime; specifically the worst ‘breakup’ he and Perry EVER had, that took them years to reconcile from! 🥰

His LONGEST sentence (the one where Perry LOST TRACK of him for multiple years) happened after Iris and Perry had a fight about Perry being “too boring” and “always trying to smooth down his edges” so they kind of sort of decide to go on a break, and Iris is too mad to even give his boyfriend a kiss goodbye (a decision he would come to regret for his ENTIRE LIFE).

Iris drags Sammy Sweetsparkle on an INSANE party binge in Tijuana or something- at some point losing track of Sammy, but deciding he’s having too much fun to stop now…. Only to end up taking the fall for a stranger in a HUGE drug bust of some kind, and getting thrown into a prison in MEXICO with NO SPANISH FLUENCY and no way to contact his friends and family back home ☠️☠️

Perry spends YEARS trying to find his boyfriend, losing weight, barley sleeping, and just generally making himself SICK with worry to the point that Timmy and his parents had to BEG HIM to just move on with his life, bc they couldn’t stand to see him wither away like that.

Despite having been dating thier son for multiple years, Perry actually didn’t have a very close relationship with Iris’s parents at the time, so even though at first he was constantly calling them for updates, by the time AC and AW actually FOUND thier son years later, they’re weren’t sure if Perry’s number was correct anymore, so when Wanda called Perry to excitedly tell him that they had FINALLY found Iris, unfortunately it’s TIMMY that happens to answer the phone.

Perry is staying with his brother for a short time to get back on his feet after finally giving up on finding his boyfriend and starting to apply for teaching jobs (something he got a college degree for but took a few years to pursue bc dating mid-20s Iris was a full time fuckin job tbh). Timmy is so glad that his brother is finally doing better, and, though secretly relived to hear Iris isn’t DEAD like Perry had been assuming, Timmy makes a hard (maaaaybe wrong as hell of him) decision… he tells Wanda she has the wrong number, and to never call again. 🙃

Lemme know if yall wanna hear about thier eventual reunion! Trust me, this peice makes it look WAY less traumatic and messy than it was 😬☠️ Iris basically does EVERYTHING WRONG HE POSSIBLY COULD HAVE to delay thier eventual reconciliation 😔

Iris serves one more long sentence AFTER he and Perry make up and start dating again, but the reason is actually a noble one this time, and iris turns himself in willingly to prove to Perry that he’s not a killer, and he IS trying to be better (Iris found out one of Perry’s students had a horrifically abusive father and beat him within an inch of his life 💙 they later adopted said student)

which I mention here only so that I can ALSO post this art of thier SECOND post-jail reunion, which is MUCH more joyful and sappy than the first sobs- thier daughter is definitely present for this, just so itty bitty she’s off-screen lmao

Ty for the question! I actually dug most of this infodump out of a discord server, but I’m glad to have it archived here now too uwu

[darkhymns-fic]

The Heart Asks

Incredible danger. A vicious hunger. She opened her eyes and was greeted to the sight of that oh-so-fascinating daemon arm hovering just over her face.

Claws so pointed and sharp, they could slice her into ribbons. And if that palm lowered anymore, it would touch her skin, eat her up until there was nothing left within her at all. Gone, completely erased. 

“What is with that creepy smile of yours?”

Ah, and just like that, the illusion was broken.

Fandom: Tales of Berseria Characters/Pairing: Magilou/Velvet Crowe Rating: T Mirror Link: AO3 Notes: A really late fic for @talesfemslashweek​ !​ I wanted to at least have one thing for it this year, even if it's a bit after the event. For Day 2: Brutal heat wave, or "don't push yourself!"

--

The truth was, she didn’t care about life all that much.

Magilou had always been the definition of careless, ever since her troupe days. Small and weak, exploited beyond her understanding, it was always said that a witch such as her couldn’t die. Not really. Wicked things like them always could brave through fires or hold their breath infinitely underneath deep waters.

So, when nothing could fatally harm them, it did not matter what they went through. Her burned palms, her filled lungs, the ache that hands left on her skin – these were all things that a witch could endure. She believed so, too.

Melchior had proved it. She could not die so easily, not even with what he had put her through in all those years. Not even if, at times, she wished it could be just a bit easier.

Yet when she found herself waking from such a heavy sleep, her limbs feeling like weights, her head completely aching, as if she had just been slammed into concrete over and over – she had to wonder.

Incredible danger. A vicious hunger. She opened her eyes and was greeted to the sight of that oh-so-fascinating daemon arm hovering just over her face.

The first thing she did was smile. Oh, this certainly was a sight indeed.

Admitting she was frightened was a bit of an understatement. But besides the terror running through her limbs, she also felt a certain sense of appreciation. After all, couldn’t one such as herself admire the river of power that coursed through that arm, its surface like that of volcanic rock, with magma brimming just underneath?

Claws so pointed and sharp, they could slice her into ribbons. And if that palm lowered anymore, it would touch her skin, eat her up until there was nothing left within her at all. Gone, completely erased.

She had seen it done before – to daemons, the way such a great threat could squeeze the very life out of them and absorb their very essence. And Magilou had always been so eternally curious, forever drawn to this evil entity, to this promise of destruction-

“What is with that creepy smile of yours?”

Ah, and just like that, the illusion was broken.

That hand full of power, with its promise of wreaking chaos, soon reverted to a normal size, the white bindings fluttering in the air, tickling her nose before they were pulled away. Charred black winked out of existence, the painting of blood red through the cracks gone from her vision.

With the hand gone, she could then see Velvet seated just next to her, eyes narrowed.

“Oops,” Magilou whispered with a smirk. Her breath was weak, her arms still so heavy, but she paid it little mind. “Think you caught me at a… private moment.”

Velvet scowled as she wrapped the bandages around her arm. “The hell is the matter with you?”

“Oh, quite a lot actually. Thought you already knew this.”

Even as she tried to joke, she still winced, feeling a sharp sting at her side. It took her a few seconds more to understand that she was laid out on a bed, tucked in heavy covers, and was in an inn room that… well, had seen better days with the peeling wallpaper, and the cramped space. Certainly not her first choice in lodgings.

“I’m assuming you don’t remember what happened.” Velvet tied up the last of her bandages tightly, clenching her fist. She was seated on the bed with Magilou – which was also a bit on the small side – laying her head against the nearby wall it was shoved against.

“Let’s see…I was having a nice nap all by my innocent lonesome before you decided you needed a little midnight snack?” The witch was patting herself on the back for that one, except even her own laughter felt like it was stabbing tiny knives into her stomach. “Ow…” Still, she tried to sit up, the action proving harder to do than she would think…

“Not even if I was dying of starvation. And enough with hurting yourself.” Velvet turned to Magilou, the moonlight from the window nearby catching her eyes, like amber encased within. The woman was never a fan of being too close to people, so Magilou counted herself to be quite lucky to see a feature of hers so near, with little interruption.

“Oh, then what was that you were doing just now? Don’t tell me you weren’t tempted.”

“Doing what I could to finally wake you up!” Velvet hissed, the force of her words making her lean in, just a bit. It was enough to make Magilou flinch, which she immediately regretted. It was no fun if she revealed her fear right away like that.

However, she felt dim understanding just then. Her skirt of magical books no longer tied around her waist, noticing the tear in her outfit and the… oh, was that linen wrapped around her stomach. “Huh. Totally missed that somehow…”

“You idiot.” Velvet placed her head in her (non-daemon) hand, sighing deeply. “You go and get yourself a life-threatening injury from a therion and don’t even remember it. Why should I even be surprised at this.”

Magilou’s pointed ears perked at those words, blinking as she faced Velvet once more. “I’m sorry, what was that about life-threatening?” It seemed almost too surreal. Also, if I was in any real danger, I’d just get Bienfu to take the hit for me…

“It was worse than usual, but Laphicet did what he could and we were able to find a town nearby. Even Eizen, for all his blabbing, actually had some good information on how to keep you rested properly.”

Magilou traced the linen cloth on her with her right hand, pressing just against the tender area of her wound, making her shudder. She felt Velvet slap her hand away from the spot.

“Don’t poke it,” she said. “You’ll make it worse.”

“Fine, fine…” Magilou pouted. 

She felt strangely vulnerable right now, bereft of even her hat. Without the rest of her outfit, she knew she just appeared like some eccentric woman with strange ears instead of a mysterious magician. She looked again at herself, clutched her hand over the blankets, then furrowed her brow. “But that doesn’t really explain why you were here and doing your whole devouring shindig.” Another smirk. “I always knew you had a taste for little old me.”

Velvet didn’t say anything at first. She was back to leaning against the wall, eyes directed to the window, pulling off her nonchalant look like it was nothing. Sometimes the ease of it made Magilou a bit jealous.

“No, I suppose it doesn’t explain much,” she finally answered, completely ignoring the rest of Magilou’s words. She was good at being frustrating herself, which made Magilou pout even further.

“Oh, come on. Just admit you wanted to eat me up already! Not like I’d be offended!” In fact, she’d be much more offended if Velvet didn’t want to eat her at all!

Then a harsh sound – Velvet’s hand slamming the wall, enough to make the wood shudder. “Urgh, you’re so annoying!”

Magilou blinked. She knew she had a habit of pissing Velvet off but, this was different.

“We were waiting around for days and you were still asleep! We have things to do and you wouldn’t wake up, so I…” Oh, was that a blush on her cheeks? But Magilou could barely enjoy Velvet’s embarrassment before the other woman turned away. “I thought threatening you would do the trick.”

“…While I was asleep?” Even Magilou was wondering about that one.

“I didn’t have many other options.”

Oh, wait. Now she remembered.

Something that should have been a routine fight had caught her off guard. It was said that overconfidence led to one’s downfall, but Magilou always had the wit to outlast any real tragedy, for certainly she had more intelligence than most.

But a miscalculation of a daemon’s fangs, sinking into flesh, seemed to have proven her quite wrong.

Even Rokurou had looked surprised, from what little memory she could recall, how he was momentarily taken out of his bloodlust, hands gripping tight to his daggers in the middle of their violent dance. She had heard a gasp from Eleanor, that poor little exorcist who didn’t even understand the breadth of her vocation, along with a hasty chant from Laphicet to her side. What a sweet boy he was. She only regretted not teasing him even more often than she did.

She hadn’t been able to see Eizen before blacking out, and remembered an amusing thought she had at that moment. Found a way to transfer his curse to me? Anything was possible. And if that were true, she couldn’t blame him in the slightest. At least he had someone to go home to.

And so, just before, just until she fell completely, she turned and hoped to see, hoped to see her and-

Well, that’s how she ended up here. In this bed, with Velvet still doing her usual glaring.

“So you were worried about me?” she hedged. It was always dangerous territory to ask Velvet such blunt questions, like walking up to a feral cat. But, one had to take a chance for maybe that same cat to start liking you, didn't it?

And it almost worked, Velvet shifting her eyes to gaze at her, for a moment. “I’m allowed to.”

“Oh, I’m not saying you shouldn’t.” Magilou grinned, happy to have found that little nick in her armor. Of course she would do all she could to examine it, to find the snatch that would let her see even more. “But you were by my side this whole time. You might as well have tried giving me a kiss of true love to wake me up.”

And strangely, Velvet didn’t scoff at the notion, or made a motion to leave. She looked at Magilou for a half-second longer, a lock of her hair tumbling over her ear, then turned away. “Idiot.”

“…Did you actually try to kiss me?”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not hearing a no~!”

While Magilou thought about all sorts of devious things that a deamon such as Velvet could have done to her, she only wanted to know more. More teasing was always too addictive, always too fun to see the results of.

“Maybe you wanted to but were too shy, huh? Or…maybe you didn’t know how?” She grinned wickedly. “Is that why you used your scary daemon arm? I guess devouring and kissing are the same to you then.”

“Just stop talking already. I already told you why I did that!” Velvet sighed, the moonlight falling across her hair in silver streaks. “No one in their right mind would kiss you.”

“Hm, you have a point there.” Magilou nodded to that assessment. Then she cackled. “But I don’t think anyone in this room has a right mind to begin with.”

Another tease, and another moment where Velvet didn’t outright deny things. Instead, she growled out in an exasperated voice, as if she had been holding in the words for hours.

“If you want a kiss so badly, then why don’t you just take it?”

And so, in one of those rare moments, Magilou was rendered speechless.

Velvet was never as straightforward with things as she liked to believe about herself. Even when Magilou spoke in annoying rhymes or riddles, they both liked to dance around the subject.

Maybe for once, she could change that.

Holding the blanket in both hands, she finally let it go, then carefully shifted on the mattress to move closer to the dreaded Lord of Calamity, a title that would send excited shivers down anyone’s spine. And if it didn’t, such a person did not know much of anything, did they?

“Tell me, Velvet,” Magilou coaxed, leaning just a bit closer, enough to feel herself trapped in those eyes of hers. Amber that swallowed her whole and wouldn’t let go. “Why did you really come here and stay with me?”

A grimace, but Velvet didn’t move away. In fact, she moved closer in turn. “When you fell in battle, you called out my name.” A hand reached out, placed itself against the back of Magilou’s head, fingers threading through her hair. It was surprisingly gentle, but always that hint of strength beneath.  “I didn’t like it.”

Ah yes, she did do that, didn’t she? Magilou remembered the way she said the name, like something precious, something that she could lose so easily.

She had always been so reckless, as witches often were. But perhaps now, she could try to be a little more cautious.

“Maybe I can say it in a way that you do like then…” she said, reaching for that hand of hers, wrapped in bandages. What will she find underneath all of that?

She couldn’t wait to see.

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon back again after like a week, sorry about that. But as a sorry I worked out a bit more with the Great SMP town! Also idk if you know but the Brothers au link is broken on your pinned post, I tried using it to skip to the questions I had yet to answer and it didn't work. 

1: The idols people could choose from where Technoblade, Sapnap, George, Ranboo, Bad, Fundy, Karl, Phil, Tommy, Tubbo, Sam, Wilbur, and Eret. People who choose Technoblade or Sam often become the guards of Mizu and those who keep laws inforced. The difference between following Technoblade or Sam is, for Technoblade you focus purely on fighting and less about laws, you also learn more about history. While for Sam you focus much more on laws and even restraining and helping people (If its confusing think of Sam followers as the police and Technoblade followers as SWAT). Technoblade followers are also sometimes called to provide protection during resource gathering missions. For Karl you tend to learn story tellings and study writings, Karl followers are also the main librarians and take care of books and preserve them. Sapnap and Phil followers are the people who go on supply missions or runs, though for Phil you learn how to address wounds and further study most things. While for Sapnap you further study monsters and their weaknesses, along side where they most commonly spawn. George followers tend to study architecture and tend to be the architectures of Mizu, designing new sections of the city and planning out where stuff goes, their also the people who handle stuff like ventilation and supply of water and checking damages on almost anything. Eret followers study history like many other idol followers, but unlike the others they focus solely on history and laws, they tend to be the leaders of Mizu and the ones who organize basically everything. Bad followers study and learn psychology and reward and consequences situations, while Eret followers make the decisions, Bad followers are also great helps and a very important part of what's basically The Council, as they study and guage how actions will affect the city and provide their input. Wilbur followers of course learn entertainment, like they learn how to play instruments, how to write and play in plays, some even make games! Tommy and Tubbo aren't actually common idols, their referred to as "Mix" idols most of the time, as the people who pick them typically have a wide range of skills and interests that just don't fit in any other idols. So Tommy and Tubbo followers really just go through a college type thing, where they learn a wider range of things than any other idol follower, those followers tend to pick up basically whatever job they want. Tubbo differs slightly though as Tubbo followers can focus a little bit more in a certain field than Tommy followers, which can allow Tubbo followers to often be picked or asked for help for things like building, or recording history, though they CANT be used to help Technoblade or Sam followers, and can't be chosen to go on supply runs or missions. Than Ranboo followers are similar to Karl's, in which they are the librarians and study writings, but they are also the main recorders of history and are tasked with writing down what happens every single day. 

These are the things some idols share, Technoblade, Phil, Sapnap, Sam, and Eret followers all study weapon and armour formations and how to make them. All idol followers learn at least some history of what their learning and their own idols. Bad and Phil followers tend to be the doctors in Mizu. And every idol has one representative in The Council.

2: Its how he shows that theres no hard feelings against the other person, and that he has already completely forgiven the other person. He continues to gently prank the other person until the person either also says that they forgave Grievous or that they show their comfortable around him again. Jackie and Cletus found the situation incredibly funny and laughed hard when it first happened. Watson just kinda watched it all play out with his amused father face but also was ready to step in if it seemed like Grievous went to far. 

3: Benjamin has a lot of life experience in stressful situations, which allows him to relay on pass experiences in a great multitude of situations. And he's just a very calm person. So he's able to just handle the situations better than anyone else. 

8: It was Jackie's birthday when Levi gave him alcohol, Jackie was tired and Levi gave him it, telling him it would keep him awake and make it easier to talk with everyone. Jackie did drink it and got a bit tispy before Watson figured out what happened and stole it away from Jackie, then going and hitting Levi. 

Almost everything from the SMP was lost due to time and weather, the buildings still remain, although crumbling and ruined and many things are missing from them, but a few things (like weapons, books (although heavily weather worn), discs) did survive and are somewhere in the world. The town in the Greater SMP does have 2 weapons, Orphan Obliterator, and Dreams Nightmare sword, and have the original copy of Ranboos memory book. People knew it was there at first, many visited and a few attempted to even preserve everything, but over time, other stuff happened. New kingdoms popped up, with quite a few claiming that the history of the SMP was just made up, a cleverly devised story and since at this time its been a decade or two since the SMP fell, and people just aren't as into it or studied the history as much, they believed them. So people stopped visiting, and everything fell into ruin. Only the town in the SMP grounds still believe and study the SMP, but their often called the idiots of the world for what they do. 

Jackie gets hurt after he jumps about and accidentally steps on a magma block, Charles gets distracted by worrying over Grievous after he got shot that he isn't paying attention and almost falls into a lava pool before Ran saves him, and Cletus gets to cocky and gets hit by a wither skeleton before Watson has to come in and save him. By the end everyone is whining and saying how they regret it as Ran tells them off for not following what he said and how he said they weren't ready. They find a bastion and fortress! They find the fortress first and Watson, Cletus, and Grievous go in to grab blaze rods after Watson basically freaks out about blaze rods and won't shut up about getting some for potions. And after Cletus gets hit by the skeleton they rush to a nearby bastion they saw to barter with the Piglins for the cure. But after they get it they stay behind and continue to trade as Watson teaches them about Piglins. 

10: I'm thinking of adding maybe mind control or hallucinations to the battle. With Ranbob being so close to Dream again, and even though he'd tried so hard to break Dreams control in him, Dream is still able to control Ranbob to some degree. Causing him to have hallucinations during battle of him killing his family again and Ran trying to kill him. While for Ran, Dream manipulates him, trying to get him to believe that this all is still Ranbobs fault, and how Ranbob doesnt care about him or anyone, and only cares for himself. Basically he's trying his last ditch attempt to separate the two so he can get his puppet back, and get rid of a annoying nat (in his opinion) in the process. 

13: A lot of people know of him being the General actually. But it only matters to people who actually fight in the Pit, as again its merely a fighting title. Not many people have been able to beat him, only 2 have actually been able to bet him and win whatever the prize was when they competed, but those people also choose to not take the general title. But they've said it was very hard to beat Jackie with his speed and him being able to do whatever he wants basically. Jackie, Ran, and Watson are all at some part on par, they share similar fighting moves and tatics which are obviously shared in battle. But other than a few shared tatics, their not considered on par at all. They do! The Corporal fights first, Sergeants go next, then the General. 

14: A few times Ranbob tried to break off from the group and head back to Mizu, but every time someone caught him, weither it be Charles or Cletus or even Jackie, and were able to bring him back home. Talking to him and talking him through the whisper episode, keeping him calm and in charge of his mind.

Nice to have you back, Brothers Anon! I tested the link, and it worked fine, so I think it might’ve been one time, but I went ahead and re-linked it, so I hope it works for you now.

1: Honestly sounds cool. I call studying Karl! With all the different builders, Mizu sounds like a beautiful place. What would you say some of it looks like? Any special areas? And also, the Council? What’s that? I assume they’re the leaders, but is that all they do? Do they make decisions over everything, or are they divided for certain areas, like farming and education? Does every idol have a representative, or are their multiple under one for the Council?

2: Aww. That’s actually kind of sweet. Grievous gently pranks people to show affection. I like that, anon, I really do.

3: What kind of situations?

8: Levi! You should be ashamed of yourself! Bad person, bad!

That’s really interesting, actually. Was there a reason people claimed it was just made up, or did it just happen? Also, do any of the gang realize Nightmare is Dream’s sword? Does Dream try to get one of them to bring it back?

And SMP town isn’t believed? Were they never in contact with Mizu?

Honestly, all those injuries were about what I expected. Charles was worrying over Grievous? Just general concern, or have they forged a friendship? How’s Ranbob faring with the whole ‘two of my idiots just about died’ thing? He strikes me as a worrier. 

Do they have fun, at least once it’s all over? What kind of potions do they up and brew? Do they just sit down and experiment with all their supplies for a bit, and see what happens? Does Ran commandeer it all?

10: Oof. That’s gonna hurt. If Dream has that power, why didn’t he use it before, to force to fishermen to give Ranbob back? Did they have some sort of protection against it? Does it only work for certain people? Also, if I may ask, why is Dream so vested in Ranbob? Surely he could get another puppet, eventually? Is there a particular reason, or is it more of a ‘I worked way too hard on this one to give it up now’ kind of thing? Is Ran the nat? If so, what’s his opinion of all the others? 

13: Huh. So Jackie’s pretty strong, then. In what way are they not considered on par? Is one considered stronger than the other? Faster? Is Jackie considered stronger than them aside from shared tactics, or is it the other way around? Also, can there only be one Corporal and two Sergeants, or is it simply because those were the only ones to catch Porkius’ eyes.

14: Oh, so this happened during the road trip? Jackie even got involved? How did the gladiators react to Ranbob trying to bolt for Mizu randomly? How far has Ranbob gotten? Was it ever far enough to seriously concern the fishermen? Does bringing him back ever get physical an evolve into a fight, or does he usually stay pretty docile during it?

[singingvio]

Divine Beast Vah Daruna

Boulderblight Ganon - NORMAL

“Blue! Blue, you’re here, that’s great! Not so great, actually, because… well, you obviously know why, that thing is a powerhouse! It killed me in only a couple hits, it’s really strong. My magic couldn’t even stop him, please, please, please be careful! His attacks are easily dodgeable, but if you get hit you’re a goner.”

Main attack: Rips pieces of rock from arena walls and floor and throws them at you (deals 2 hearts of damage with small rock, 4 hearts of damage with medium rock, and 6 hearts of damage with large rock). Special attack: Attaches boulders to arm into a giant gauntlet, then punches you to the ground two times in quick succession (5 hearts of damage with each hit). Can run and dodge each hit, or when the gauntlet is STILL FORMING, toss a bomb at it. Phase 2: Raises ground so it’s a steep hill, making you have to run up the sides to the small platform at the top if you fall, which is very likely.

---

Boulderblight Ganon - MEMORY

“Corrupted Red Faorie: Bitterness of the Forgotten”

“It’s been so long. A hundred years. It took you that long to try and help us? What were you doing while we were being attacked, where were you while I was in agony, still am, in fact. Please tell me, because I don’t know and, honestly, I think you took your sweet time for the fun of it! You’ll soon regret that, Blue!”

Memory needed: “The Citadel’s Secret” - Found in the basement of the Akkala Citadel, in the center of a giant arena hidden under the carpets. - “Red has a secret to show Blue in the depths Akkala Citadel, but it takes a while to get there.”

Main attack: Will hit you with a barrage of ice, fire, or rock projectiles, each dealing 2 hearts of damage if they hit you. Can also attack you by running at you full-force with a shield made of cooled magma, which deals 4 hearts of damage. Special attack: Creates a giant bomb in the middle of the room and blows it up. Instead of an explosion, the bomb lets loose ice spikes that freeze you for 3 seconds (deals 2 hearts of damage each second), a ball of fire that burns you for five seconds (deals 1 heart of damage each second), or wind that pushes you to the edge of the arena so he can close in and hit you with a boulder (deals 7 hearts of damage). Phase 2: Turns floor to lava except for small, floating rocks you can jump to and from to move around on.

---

Rewards:

NORMAL:

“You’re okay, right? Not dead? That’s great! Oh, I’m so happy, I wish I could give you a hug-- I can’t, though, I’m a spirit. I’m really glad to see you again, Blue! It’s been such a long time, I wonder how Hyrule’s faring now. What’s it like? It’s not completely ravaged by monsters, right? Right?”

“It’s not, it’s pretty fine. Except for Hyrule Field and the Castle, those are overrun with Guardians, but the people are actually doing well, I think. That what you wanted to hear?”

“Exactly it, actually! I’m glad the kingdom’s been doing okay, even after... you know. You’re not as angry as you were before, you know-- just something I noticed! That’s not a bad thing! If you’re still the same Blue I knew, though, you might want my Shield. You kind of tended to run into danger headfirst, so...”

---

MEMORY:

“I’m so sorry, oh my gosh, Blue, I never meant to-- I’m sorry, I didn’t-- oh, no... I didn’t mean to hurt you that badly, I swear! That wasn’t even me, I’m so, so, so sorry, I can’t make this up to you, can I, oh, no! I-- I can’t even heal you with my magic, either, because I’m dead and that’s gone and-- well-- are you at least okay? At least?”

“I don’t remember much, but that sounded very much like the Red from a hundred years ago. I’m fine, I’ll heal myself right up with Green’s Blessing or something later.”

“That’s good! That’s great! You freed Green already? That’s amazing, his Blessing is yours now, too, which is just-- just awesome, actually! I’ll, here, I’ll give you my Shield, too, so you can, you know, free everyone, free Zelda, and fight Calamity Ganon. I’ll be right by your side when you do, just so you know!”

---

Red’s Shield - Grants a shield of somehow-impenetrable cooled magma around you, can be a makeshift shelter if you need it, or just a normal block to an enemy blow. Lasts 1.5 hours, takes 1 hour to recharge fully (3x usage before recharge). Red’s treasure - Din’s Rod of Seasons. Attack - 40. Takes 300 hits to break. Call on any season’s magic, and it’ll burst forth as a violent storm to plow through enemies and knock them down.

[drstone-writings]

POMEGRANATE TEAAA PWEEEASE :3

Hi, anon! I don’t know which character you have ordered LMAO that’s why I chose the five generals ft. Tsukasa! I hope you will like this one! 💚💚

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

pomegranate tea; at what point did they know they loved their s/o?

—Senku Ishigami

Senku doesn’t know about the feeling of love, yes. But, he knows that he likes you, not in deep meaning, but instead, in an admiration way for having the basic knowledge of science and also for having incredible stamina that God didn’t grant him. Not only that, but you’d also try to help him in some way when he was in need of something, you’re always there to aid him despite not needing some assistance. However, one faithful day, Senku had realized that he felt the strong emotion that was permeating inside his heart, an unknown and strange emotion yet he had the knowledge of what it was. Who would expect that the scientist who called love as illogical was now in a situation where he felt such sentiment towards a person, and now admitted to himself that he is indeed in love with you. When did he realize it?

It’s actually the time where the sun had finally descended and the moon was now present in the vast sky. He saw you sitting on the tree branch where Kohaku would usually sleep on, staring into space where countless of stars covering the dark firmament. If you were Kohaku, he would only shrug you off and let himself stare at the sky as well and climb on the roof of the hut. However, it’s not the case. His eyes were transfixed on you, whose face has this tranquil and contented expression, eyes were sparkling in wonder as you watch the stars twinkling with the others.

Senku was captivated; he was entranced at your beautiful face, seemingly glowing due to the moonlight striking every crevice of your features, defining every little of it. You don’t know how charming you look in Senku’s eyes, he felt like his vision was becoming blurry but only focused on you, like a camera where it would only focus on the thing that is beautiful.

Suddenly, you turned your gaze at him and flashed your utmost sweet smile that he had never received before from you, he was caught off guard and as if the time had slowed down and the Earth had stopped from rotating from its orbit. He had no idea as well as to why he could also felt his heart thumping in excitement and felt the butterflies flapping inside his abdomen. But earlier he wasn’t feeling this, only now when he settled his eyes on you. And that’s when Senku came into a realization.

“Fuck, I love her do I?” he snickered while running his fingers through his hair.

— Gen Asagiri

Gen is a cunning man, a man where he could easily discern what others were thinking and feeling. Like duh? He was called a mentalist for a reason. Ever since the day where he suddenly appeared in the Ishigami village and met you, he felt the urge within him that he wants to know you for some unidentified reason. That is why Gen ventured to approach you at the first day, he thought that you would hate his guts because he was one of Tsukasa’s underlings and you knew that he might be the reason that your friend will die in front of your eyes.

However, it was just his mere assumption, he was taken aback at your approach to him, and he assumed that you would ignore him for the whole day but instead, you talked to him as if the two of you were back in the modern era. He was utterly stunned and found it comical, to be honest. Gen abruptly felt he’s special or something since you would even bestow him a sincere smile and talk to him as if your friend is not in danger.

Gen is known as the magician as well, there’s a time where he would occasionally show you his magic tricks in which you were amazed because you don’t know how he did that. Ahh, you don’t know how you’re heightening Gen’s confidence and he couldn’t help but widely smile internally because of how you praise him. He knew to himself that he was indeed attracted to you; he likes you as a woman.

Gen only realized that he surely fell into your gravity at the day where he was nearly killed by Magma. You’re the one who stayed beside him and treating his wounds with Senku’s herbal medicines. Every time you would patch some herbs on the bruises that he had received, he felt some electricity flowing through his veins whenever he could feel the graze of your fingers on his skin so tenderly that it seemed like you were some angel playing the harp and for Gen, he was the instrument you’re playing. In the middle of the night where he suddenly woke up because he felt something heavy on his arms, and thus, he saw you sleeping quietly beside him, making his left arm as your pillow. Gen felt his heart flutter at the sight, and thus he was certain.

“You caught me, (Name). You indeed caught me with your charms.”

— Chrome

We all know that Chrome likes Ruri to the point where he tried to collect many materials for decades to save her and treat her unknown illness. But we also know that feelings are like a climate, they change in no time. Before, his eyes were only set on Ruri because ever since they were little, they’ve been always together and they knew each other. However, fate seemed like to mess up with his life. Ever since Senku and you had suddenly appeared in the village, his life changed immediately and his feelings turned into chaos.

Why? It’s because he couldn’t avert his gaze away from you every time you’d give him a saccharine smile and praise him for giving lots of ideas and creating things that he doesn’t know that it already exists in your age, despite that he doesn’t have any knowledge on what it looks like. Chrome could feel his stomach flipping whenever you’d also pat his head and ruffle his hair, even his heart was pounding tremendously as if he couldn’t breathe.

Chrome convinced himself that it’s just a mere attraction and admiration and nothing deeper than that. He assured himself that his heart already belongs to Ruri and never would he love someone that isn’t her. But it was inevitable, it was uncontrollable for him not to gaze at you and fall in the depths of your world. It seemed like he became a marionette and you’re the one who’s controlling him with your hands.

One day, Chrome was sitting on the tree branch, thinking on what is going to happen in the grand bout. He’s aware that he’s not the fighter type, he only has the brains. He prayed to the Gods that they could win the bout and save Ruri’s life. As he was in his deep thoughts, suddenly he felt a slight blow of the wind had passed him, hence Chrome craned his neck to look beside him and he felt his heart thumped again for you. But what surprised him was when you swiftly ruffled his hair without his permission and flashed him your sincerest smile that absolutely captivated him. It seemed like you were glowing in this dark place, making it harder for him to avert his gaze. And that’s when Chrome finally accepted the reality; he really is indeed in love with you.

“You’re too irresistible for my own good, (Name),” Chrome thought, giving you a small smile as well.

— Ukyo Saionji

Ukyo has a soft spot for everyone; he dislikes war and especially shedding blood just for the sake of their own benefit and victory. Before he met you, he never felt this strange of emotion that he had this urge to stare and watch someone in every move that they would do, but today is not the same anymore. Between the battle of Tsukasa and Senku, he had suddenly gained a blow from protecting Senku, he was not severely injured but still, his muscles were aching and it’s making him difficult to move. He was about to ask Senku for some herbal medicine to treat himself, however, before he could get out from his tent, you suddenly walked in with some herbal medicine in your hands.

You’re the one who tended his wounds and even accompanied him inside his tent until he was perfectly healed. He was indeed grateful to you and even tried to joke around with him to cheer him up even though he was emotionally okay. Ever since that day, both of you started to know each other and would always search for more food for everyone. Being with you was enjoyable and he will admit that. You won’t let the awkwardness and silence to befall on you two and you would try to make him laugh in your own ways.

Ukyo never noticed that he was slowly becoming fond of your presence to the point when you were busy hanging out with Yuzuriha and helping her, he would check on you and even asked how your day was. He was seriously becoming fidgety and couldn’t stay still until he would take a glimpse at your face. Ukyo perceives you as the compassionate and generous person, of course, he knows about that since he has been observing you interacting with everyone.

But Ukyo only realizes that he has these romantic feelings for you and hardly fell for you is the day when Chrome’s excavation team which you were a part of it as well went to the Ishigami Village to spend the night after searching for the oil that Senku needs for the vessel. The children in the village had taken a liking to you and would even play with them after convincing you without any effort. Seeing you having fun with the kids, laughing and playing with them, you have no idea how he was so intoxicated at watching you. Why? It’s because in his view you were like a crystal clear lake in the middle of the unknown place, gloriously sparkling with the rays of the sun striking the surface of the water. He was utterly enthralled and could feel his heart beating quickly in every minute that would pass in just by staring at your pure and lovely face. That’s when he finally concluded;

“I won’t regret falling in love with you, right, (Name)?”

— Ryusui Nanami

Ahh, Ryusui, of course, your first rendezvous is nothing important to him; it’s like the usual encounters he had back in your era. When he first laid his eyes on you, he definitely admitted to himself that you’re beautiful… in your own way by all means. Because Ryusui had this ideology that women in the world are beautiful. Which is actually nice to hear from a charming and rich guy but to you, you don’t really care. At first, when he tried to compliment your good looks, you only gave him a wry smile before saying your thanks. He thought that you would be embarrassed about it but it’s actually the contradiction of his presumption.

Apparently, you piqued Ryusui’s interest to which he didn’t stop from trying to get to know you and use his good communication skills. To be honest, this is the first time he has been so eager to know someone, it’s all strange to him. In spite of that, he will attempt to know you better. Don’t underestimate the Nanami heir. As the days passed by pestering you while in your work, he finally got what he wanted by knowing you, he assumed that he might have a hard time from knowing about yourself, but instead, it was easy-peasy for him since you’re answering his questions in an instant.

Since Ryusui’s daily routine is to bother you in your work or would even watch you help the others with their tasks, he suddenly felt himself smiling unconsciously while watching you. He only noticed it when Suika asked him as to why he’s smiling at himself. He immediately composed himself and left without saying anything, because his mind was swirling with a lot of thoughts, including the question that Suika had asked him. But what was overwhelming his mind is why he’s enjoying on watching you and felt something fluttering inside his stomach. These new emotions that were popping like a mushroom were making him confused because first of all, it was all too foreign for him.

After a week of not visiting and seeing you since he was trying to distinguish the different emotions that he was feeling. One faithful night really changed Ryusui in a wink. Sitting inside his cabin and was in his deep thoughts, he suddenly heard a knock on his cabin’s door; hence he checked it out to know who the one was bothering him in this late at night. Once he opened the door, his eyes widened upon seeing you in his doorstep, holding a basket of fruits in your hand. You told him that you were checking up on him since you haven’t seen each other for a week and you’re worried for him. After that meeting, you don’t know how Ryusui’s heart fluttered knowing that you’re concerned for him and made his ego boosted to the highest level. He was beyond pleased at what you said that night, for Ryusui you’re like the tidal waves in his expedition with his vessel, seemingly drawing him towards an unknown place which is for him, your world. Ryusui only laughed at himself for not noticing it sooner, he couldn’t believe himself that he fell in love after thousands of years.

“How unexpected of me, you surely caught my heart, (Name), you’re the only one who can do that.”

— Tsukasa Shishio

Back in your generation, you have always been beside the well-known strongest primate high schooler, Shishio Tsukasa. He met you during winter; he was sitting on a bench in the quiet playground. The snow was falling on him and he couldn’t care less about how cold it was since his mind was deep in thoughts, thinking about how he could save his little sister. And all of sudden, you appeared out of nowhere and held the umbrella over him. After that first meeting with him, that’s also the beginning of your friendship with him.

When Tsukasa was revived by Senku and killed him with his own hands, he built his own empire to only revive the youth and shatter the statues of the older ones. The first one who he revived was you, he was relentlessly looking for your statue and he actually managed to find you in just a day. He told you everything and you quickly caught up with his explanation but you didn’t agree with his ideology since you don’t want him to become a murderer. Nevertheless, you only leave him be even if you’re strongly opposed to him.

In months of living in this stone world, Tsukasa has been observing you and watching you talking with everyone. He was glad that you’re adjusting to this kind of living and trying to get along with all the people that he had revived. He knew how understanding and kind-hearted you were, that’s why it didn’t take him a while to give you his trust and befriended you. He reminisces all the memories that you both had, starting from your first meeting and always there for him when he needed someone. You would listen to his ramblings and how you would lift his spirits up when he’s not in a good mood. Tsukasa couldn’t help but smile at the pleasant and valuable memories he had.

Winter arrived as the snow was piling up and covering the whole place. Tsukasa immediately remembered your first meeting again and smiled upon recalling it. He tried to look for you in your tent however you weren’t there, therefore he asked his comrades if he saw you, which he was kinda pleased when one answered him that you went to the cliff where you would usually hang out. Tsukasa didn’t waste a second to go to you, as he reached his destination, his eyes settled on your form who’s looking up while the snow was falling down on your face. He stared at you with pursed lips, trying to engrave it in his mind how stunning you look with the winter scenery the lies before you. Suddenly, he felt his heart pounded against his ribcage, he’s once again feeling the overwhelming emotions he’d felt when taking a glimpse at your face. He never tried to know these inexplicable feelings he harbored for you, but today, it seemed like he found his answer to his question. He loved you ever since, did he?

“How can I not love, (Name)? It’s inevitable not to love her.”

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Maxie & Archie

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Generation VI of Pokemon had many flaws, and Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire are arguably inferior to Emerald in many regards, but one thing is for sure: the remakes took two of the worst, most idiotic villains in the entire franchise and made them into interesting, likable characters. The original Maxie and Archie had the most needlessly nonsensical plans imaginable, resorting to ludicrous acts of eco-terrorism for ridiculously stupid goals; in the remakes, their reasoning is expanded upon and instead of merely being the poor man’s Team Rocket, Archie and Maxie and their respective teams became respectable and engaging antagonists.

Motivation/Goals: In the original games, well, let’s just say that these two had some of the stupidest plans imaginable. Archie wanted to flood the world with water so that people and Pokemon could live together, and Maxie wanted to expand the landmasses for a similar reason. The thing is, there plans make absolutely zero sense, particularly the part with the meteor and the volcano. It makes even less sense for Archie, but with Maxie it’s just dumb as all hell. How do you expect to expand the landmass by erupting a volcano in the middle of the continent, ding-dong?! But again, Archie isn’t much better, because he’s clearly not thinking through the ramifications of flooding the planet and expanding the seas. These two are morons no matter what way you slice it.

Thankfully, the remakes polish their motivations and refine them, while still keeping them as eco-terrorists so you don’t feel too bad about thwarting them. Archie wants to return the world to nature, acting as a force of vengeance against the people who have encroached on Pokemon habitats and polluted the sea; meanwhile, Maxie wants to expand the landmasses to further humanity’s progress at the expense of Pokemon, with him viewing peaceful coexistence as foolish and something that holds humanity back. These are pretty complex and interesting arguments that they put forth, but again, this is a children’s RPG series, so they’re eco-terrorists you gotta defeat before they destroy the world. At the very least, the remakes do show that as misguided as the two are, they’re still pretty noble and more well-intentioned than other villains in the franchise.

Personality: It’s not even worth going over the originals, because they’re pretty flat, bland characters who are just there to be the boss you fight to progress the story. There are some elements that got recycled into the remakes, such as their remorse over their terrorist actions as well as their genuine love for their Pokemon (as evidenced by the fact that both use Crobat), but that’s about it.

In the remakes, both are very distinct and fun characters. Archie is now a friendly foe, a buff and handsome pirate who is quite chummy with the player despite their opposition to him. It’s absolutely clear that he loves Pokemon, and apparently as children he and Shelly were even pals with Jirachi! He’s also pretty damn smart, seeing as he easily outmaneuvers Maxie at every turn in Alpha Sapphire. Maxie, while still courteous, is rather aloof and stoic, rarely showing emotion until he’s beaten in battle.While he doesn’t have quite as much going on as Archie, he still marks a nice contrast to the boisterous pirate by being a calm, collected scientist.

Final Fate: In the originals, both regret their actions upon seeing the destruction that Kyogre and Groudon unleash upon the Hoenn region, and return the orbs to Mt. Pyre to make amends. In the remakes it’s about the same, though they hand the orb to the player and will even join your side in battles in the Battle Maison after the Delta Episode comes to a close.

Best Scene: Obviously any battle with them, particularly the climactic battles in Emerald and the remakes. The original designs in general had pretty awesome showdowns during Gen VII’s Rainbow Rocket plotline as well.

Best Quote: These quotes, which handily sum up what they’re about:

"The land... It is the stage upon which humanity stands. The land exists so we humans might continue onward and upward, stepping into the future... For us to continue growing and evolving, humans require a grand stage upon which to stand. A land upon which we can stride forward... A land we can explore...develop...exploit... This is the basis for the growth of all human endeavor. That is why we, Team Magma, must increase the landmass of the world! Believe that this will lead to a future of eternal happiness for humanity... And consequently for all life!"

"The sea is an irreplaceable treasure for every living thing on this planet. But with our selfish extravagance, humanity dirties the great ocean, destroying this source of all life... Day by day, we're all destroying our most precious resource! If we humans suffer from our actions, well, maybe we'll end up getting what we deserve. But what about the Pokémon in our world? The Pokémon that no longer have a place to live because we stole and soiled their seas? The Pokémon that won't have a place to raise their young and watch them grow? We are creating a world in which innocent Pokémon suffer as a result of our actions... And that is something that I can't forgive! That's why I came to a decision, see? The foolish actions of my fellow humans, the seas we have blighted, nature itself... I will return everything to its unspoiled beginnings!"

I’m sure you can guess who said what.

Final Thoughts & Score: Archie and Maxie are relatively simple antagonists, but I think they played their roles well enough. As bad as their original versions were, they served as a nice step up from the more lowkey plots of Team Rocket and helped raise the stakes for the series, introducing teams that wanted to harness the powers of legendary Pokemon to destroy or reshape the world to their liking. And hey, even if the originals are pretty lame, at the very least in one alternate timeline their visions come true and they get to join up with Team Rainbow Rocket right before their deaths.

The versions from the remakes are easily the superior ones though, because not only do they fix the numerous idiotic flaws that the originals had in their plans, but they expand and add more flavor to the original characters while still maintaining the elements that worked about them in the first place. Archie is definitely the more impressive one; I find him to be a much more interesting and intriguing personality, especially because of his relationship with his cohorts and his mysterious childhood friendship with Jirachi. Remake Archie earns a nice 8/10 because of this.

Maxie, while a character I definitely find less fun than Archie, is still an incredibly solid antagonist and leagues better than his original iteration, so I think a 7/10 is warranted in his case. At any rate, both are better than the original white bread morons who antagonized the players of the Gen III games, who pretty handily earn a 4/10 each. They’re by no means the bottom of the barrel, but they’re idiotic schemes are so poorly planned that they make Captain Planet’s villains look like Mensa in comparison. Frankly their showing in the Rainbow Rocket plot is the only thing that keeps them from a 3, and even that’s a bit suspect because it isn’t the exact same Archie and Maxie of the Gen III games, just versions of those villains who succeeded.

Regardless, it’s hard to deny these two managed to get one of the most impressive glow-ups of the franchise after years of being overshadowed by the next generation’s villain.

[cant-blink]

Weakness, Part 1

Summary: A relatively short story taking place after the previous fic where Ghidorah mated with Rodan, despite Ni’s objections. With Ni at his lowest point, more Ghidorah drama stirs and Rodan risks reaching out to him to help.

-

Showing weakness. He was showing weakness, and he hated himself even more for it.

All his life, he’s done everything in his power to hide any pain he felt, anything that could conceivably be used against him. Layer upon layer of rage and hatred was used to cover any that popped up, and for the longest time, it was all he needed for it to work. Nobody, not even his brothers, could pick up weakness from him.

Until now.

Laying on the ground as the night carried on around them, they were curled around the rim of a volcano their slave managed to drag himself to in order to heal. Unlike the last volcano they shared, this one was filled with magma and so the dragon had to rest outside while the slave slept in the lava beside them. But Ni couldn’t sleep. He said nothing to Ichi as the eldest stood guard over them, and he could feel San’s head leaning on his neck as he slept. He would never allow the little brat to snuggle up to him like this before, and while his touch was still annoying, Ni lacked any motivation to snap at him. 

It all just felt so heavy, the burden inside draining him. It was like everything he’s bottled up was pouring out onto him now that there existed that tiny crack in his defenses. It made him sick, to be honest, that he lacked the strength to carry it all now. Where did it all go?

The memories of what happened earlier that past morning was still fresh in his mind. He didn’t regret what he did to the bird; he did what he had to in order to put an end to his torment. And it worked, as the injuries he’s inflicted within their slave was deemed too severe to continue their ‘fun’.

He let out a snort. ‘Fun’, they called it. Forcing him to mate with that disgusting creature was ‘fun’ to them. Ichi thought it no big deal, disgracing themselves in such a fashion and although his alpha has already apologized for his mistake, Ni wasn’t having any of it. 

His ‘alpha’ was weak. Traitorous and weak, to be so easily swayed by their instincts and idiot younger brother.

He didn’t understand why this hurt as much as it did. It was not as though mating was considered some sacred act among their kind. But there had to be some line drawn and that line has been crossed and stomped on. There was a sense of betrayal within him, that his alpha not only tainted their body but disrespected his wishes to such a degree that he couldn’t even let Ni sit it out without giving that stupid invitation. The self-loathing intensified knowing he was unable to resist the offer, his mind clouded with pure concentrated lust and desire for more. Sure, he could justify it by reminding himself that by giving in, he at least was able to put a stop to it all.

Stopping it wasn’t enough though, because it didn’t change the fact that it happened in the first place.

Ichi was watching him now; he can feel his gaze on him, eyes shining under the lava’s glow. Somehow, it made him feel even more disgusted. Made worse when his brother spoke up. “You should be sleeping,” he said. No reply was given, as Ni turned his head away pointedly. But Ichi continued, much to his chagrin. "If you are not going to sleep, then let us talk, Brother Ni."

"I think we've talked enough."

That was his response and his tone made it clear that it was going to be his only response. He had no idea why his brother was so obsessed with trying to talk to him; it wasn’t as if talking about it was going to fix anything. And if he did think that talking would earn his trust back, then he’s gravely mistaken. He heard his brother let out a breath, but thankfully Ichi doesn't press him further. He knew it wasn't going to help.

The eldest never understood why Ni was always so cut off from them. So many things in their past could've been resolved quick and peaceful if he would just open himself up just a little bit. He didn't have to be San-levels of open, but just enough where they could discuss these issues privately. They were brothers, for pete’s sake!

...

No, Ni was so cut off from them that never once has the right head ever acknowledged them as siblings, never called them by ‘Brother’, as is the norm for their species. It was always just ‘San’ or ‘Alpha Ichi’. The eldest wasn’t really bothered by this before, as he rather liked the alternative title, but now it was like a thorn in his side. 

Ni always had his moods where his anger and irritability would trigger easier than usual, and conflict during those moods was inevitable. Ichi was used to that. But hearing how Ni spoke to him after that ill-fated mating, the eldest hasn't heard such venom directed at him from his second-in-command since the dark times of their youth.

He saw the pain, for the first time since Ni’s birth. He still sees the pain as Ni laid there silently. He always had a tendency to assume that whenever the right head acted out with particular anger against him and San, it was just Ni being a spiteful little shit. But with what he saw earlier today, he now wonders just how many of those ‘acting out’ periods was fueled by pain rather than petty spite.

How he just wished Ni would let him in to help with that pain, instead of shutting him out like this. Especially since Ichi felt responsible for it all.

The silence remained between them, until it came time to change shifts. Glancing at the right head, Ichi decided to instead move towards San beside him, nudging him with his snout. San blinked as he stirred, barely getting out a yawn before Ni startled them both by speaking up.

“It’s my turn to take up watch.”

Ichi looked over at him, surprised although his blank face didn't show. He spoke calmly. "I am giving you the night off."

"Don't coddle me, Ichi." Ni growled as if insulted, raising his head up from the ground. But his words only reaffirmed the eldest's fears. After what happened, Ni won’t even refer to him as any actual title. This was made worse that, if not fixed, the last time he will hear Ni refer to him as ‘alpha’ is with such venomous hatred. He really has lost all respect for him over this, and now it seemed they really have reverted back to the old days before San was born.

A part of him wanted to reprimand Ni's purposeful show of disrespect, but was that really a good idea? On one hand, he needed to assert his place as alpha, drill it into Ni's skull that his position of authority hasn't changed because of this incident. But would doing so make things worse?

He decided it was best to set the boundaries and nip it in the bud before it became habit for the right head. He spoke up in a soft, but no less firm voice. “Brother Ni, you know to refer to me properly. Either as ‘Alpha Ichi’ or ‘Brother Ichi’. Understand?” Ni may be able to degrade San and get away with it, but Ichi will not be taking it. Unfortunately, Ni turned to glare at him.

“I’ll call you by ‘Alpha’ the moment you earn that right back. As for ‘Brother’,” He huffed through his nose. “Don’t ever get your hopes up for that. I would sooner perish than call either of you ‘Brother’.”

Silence between them, with Ichi looking as if he’s been physically struck. 

San wasn’t looking any better as he glanced back and forth between the two. He hated it when his brothers fought, and he usually kept out of it. It wasn’t his place to get between them, and the risk of getting caught in the crossfire if things escalated discouraged him further. But the pain brought by Ni’s words was unexpected and brutal. The youngest was used to Ni never calling him by ‘Brother’. Degrading, yes, as it made it seem like his older sibling had no love and respect for him. But San always just took it as Ni being his usual hard self. He always thought that deep down, through all the biting words and harsh punishments, Ni did love and respect him, he just didn’t want to show it for some incomprehensible reason. Every instance of abuse the higher-ranked head inflicted on him, no matter how unnecessary or severe, was brushed off as Ni expecting better of him and it was taken as a sign for San to step up. And although the standards set out for him seemed impossibly high, the youngest head thought that he would someday prove himself worthy. When that moment comes, Ni would finally acknowledge it to him, say how proud he was of him, and it would be the single greatest day ever!

But it never did happen and now that he hears those words spoken out loud...

“Brother Ni, please...” San started, slinking closer and making sure to hold his head lower than his older brother’s. His distress was clear in his voice, especially when Ni doesn’t even look at him. “Don’t say stuff like that. You don’t really mean it. I... We already said we’re sorry.” Of course, San didn’t understand exactly why he and his oldest brother was apologizing to Ni. He just knew Ni was really upset with them about mating, which didn’t really make sense to him. They were following instinct, which was always the right thing to do in his experience, especially when that instinct felt so good to indulge in. And Ni seemed to have been enjoying himself up until he cut it all off.

If anything, they should apologize to San since he didn’t even get a turn!

But the youngest apologized nonetheless for whatever it was they did wrong and he thought everything got better since Ni was letting him cuddle. His mind was failing to comprehend that the cuddling in itself was a sign that things were still very wrong.

Emboldened by the fact that he was previously able to touch him, he gently pressed his nose under Ni’s chin, trying to appease him. Almost immediately, Ni bit down on him without even giving the usual warning growl first and San yelped as he pulled away, his brother’s teeth tearing the scales on his muzzle as he did. It healed almost immediately thanks to the volcano’s radiation, but it still hurt regardless. Luckily for him, Ni’s attention re-focused on glaring Ichi down and he didn’t push the attack further.

Whimpering, San switched to trying to appease the eldest. Ichi has snapped out of his stunned state and was growling now. At this rate, they were going to fight, he just knows it, and if he can just smother the flames...

“Brother Ichi, he didn’t mean that! Don’t do this,” he started. “It always ends badly when you guys argue. It’s time to sleep anyway, so we can just get some rest and everything will be better in the morning. Please.” He repeated his previous gesture, touching his nose to Ichi’s chin. He didn’t know if it was working as the eldest doesn’t even acknowledge him as he keeps on growling.

When he finally did speak, it was obvious he was forcing his tone to stay calm. “So that is how this is going to be, then?” He shook his head, glare not leaving his features. “No. Whether you like it or not, we have been and always will be brothers. Nothing changes that, not even this. And given the fact that you are stuck with the both of us, it is in your best interest to change your tone.” 

There was a responding hiss from Ni, but Ichi ignored it as their tails swayed behind them in agitation. “I do not know what you expect us to do to earn your forgiveness, but at this rate, your forgiveness is rapidly becoming the last thing I desire.”

“Brother Ichi!” San piped desperately, still trying to de-escalate the situation by pressing his muzzle against his brother more firmly. Ichi finally glanced at him, but only a glance. It was all San needed. “Just stop. You don’t mean that either. Everyone’s just tired and angry and everything will be better in the morning.” 

He keeps repeating that childish sentiment, but only because he believed it. “So let’s just go to sleep. Please...”

He earned another glance, this one lasting longer than the last. San was looking up at his eldest brother with sad eyes and soft whimpers, horns flattened back against his neck. It was a face he always used when begging, with varying results. But thankfully, it seemed to work this time as the lead head stared at him for a moment before he let out a breath.

“Very well, then,” Ichi conceded, for San’s sake more than anything. “We will talk in the morning and trust me, Brother Ni,” His eyes locked firmly on his second-in-command’s. “We will talk.”

This earned a defiant snarl, but Ichi ignored him as he turns to San, who seemed relieved to have finally been heard. He was worried it was going downhill too fast for him to stop and now he can rest easier knowing that painful conflict wasn’t going to happen tonight. 

“Go back to sleep, Brother San.” Ichi told him, his voice softening just a little bit.

The youngest nodded gratefully, nuzzling against Ichi’s neck with a purr. As usual, though, Ichi doesn’t actually return his affectionate gesture but he doesn’t reject it either. Instead, he lowered their left tail to curl around them and nudged San towards it. It was his usual sleeping spot and the left head nuzzled a few seconds longer before he goes to lay himself down. Ichi sent another firm glare towards Ni, who still refuses to back down.

“Goodnight, Brother Ni.” was all he said as he goes to settle down onto their folded wing. Ni continued to glare hatefully at his older brother for a while, wanting to bite down on him and snap his neck, before catching slight movement from the lava pit by them.

The bird was watching him.

[ameftowriter]

Pokemon ORAS fic: The Oncoming Storm Chapter 1

Also posted on: Ao3 and FF.net

First (This!)|Last

EDIT: I made some changes to this fic, thank you to @chipsncookies​ for noticing my errors. It’s kinda minor but it is important to the story!

So here’s a fic that I’ve been working on since last year. I’ve just been busy at work and generally lazy and busy working on other stories. But since I realized I almost finished all of these, I decided to post them finally.

This story is born from the big question bogging down my head as to how could Maxie have ended up at the Seafloor Cavern to face Archie, when it was heavily guarded when us as the player had to go through so much of those grunts. 

This fic is also full of my headcanons about Archie’s past.

This is probably the only Pokemon fic I’ll ever write though so yeah.

So here we go! I hope you all enjoy and please leave a like or comment if you can.

Have a nice day!

Just in case: italics are flashbacks.

Chapter 1: Tsunamigenesis

“I…. Uhh…. umm… Well… I wish you and I would be best friends forever!”

This is something I will regret one day… Ugh I can't believe I'm doing this!!!

But at this point I don't really have a choice now do I? Now that I'm surrounded by these Magma Grunts. Some even had their Pokemon out already!

What should I do now? I can't battle them all...

But I can’t just give up now! I have to do this for Archie. For the team! For the world…

But that wish...

“Oh? What’s this?!” I heard a familiar voice coming from behind me. Of course he’d be here, what else did I expect? “Ahyaya! What brings you here, Shelly?”

I didn’t reply, nor did I face him. I don't know why…

I guess, even how many years it has been….

“Ahyaya! That silent treatment of yours will not be effective, Shelly!” Man, his laugh can get annoying, “I, Tabitha, one of the great admins of Team Magma, will show you how to give respect, when entering an enemy base!”

“Ugh, to think you could even be more egoistic than before…” I finally spoke when turned around to face him, “It’s pitiful, Tabitha.”

Tabitha smirked at me. The nerve! “Oh? Pitiful is it? Is it any better than running up here in our base? At our common room no less! Ahyaya!” I grit my teeth, I can't admit to him that he has a point.

“Target. Acquired.” And lo and behold the other admin finally speaks, “Illogical action detected.”

“The same manner of speaking as always huh? Courtney?” I said it out loud to her.

“... You. Do not know… Anything…” She replied as she glared at me.

“Ahyaya!” Tabitha continued, “Let’s just get back to the matter at hand, shall we?” He walked closer towards me as I remained in my spot. “Answer me, Shelly. Why are you here?”

I paused for a bit, I can’t let him get to me. I have to remember what I came here for….

“Come on Shelly! Hurry up!”

“Wait! You don't need to hurry for this you know!”

“But, we can have more fun if we came there sooner!”

For what’s important…

“I need to talk to Maxie.” I replied firmly. “And I mean now.”

“Hey!” Is this grunt trying to berate me? “How dare you refer to our great leader like that?” Oh God, do they really call him that?

“Access. Denied.” Courtney surprisingly spoke first. And despite her robotic style, she's definitely angry at me.

“I don’t need your permission.” What am I saying?! I’m still surrounded with no way out! “I need to speak to Maxie! It’s important!”

“And what makes you think we’ll let you?” This is getting nowhere! “Ahyaya! If you are planning to defect to our team, then you are vehemently denied!”

I don’t need to turn around to know that the grunts are coming closer to me. If I don't think of anything soon…

“Oh! I know what I’ll wish for!!”

“Really, Archie? You do?”

“Don't doubt me!”

…. “It’s about Archie and Kyogre....”

“Ahyaya! Are you here to gloat to us about your victory of the Blue Orb?” Yes, I am here to brag while being surrounded by the enemy team. “Unfortunately for you, that won’t be necessary!”

“Illogical action detected.”

“Argh! I don’t have much time here!” I snapped at them both, “No! I am not here to brag about that...”

“We’re so close Shelly. We’re so close, I could just taste it!! Those Magma scum won't know what's coming to them!”

Why… Why would it had come to this?

“Look… Archie will find out I’ve gone missing and…” I shook my head...

Archie, I can’t let you do this. For your sake…

“It’s only a matter of time, until he uses the Blue Orb, and then… then…” Then… That dream…

“I’ll wish… I wish for all the candy and snacks in the world!”

“You moron! Don’t waste a perfectly good wish on something so stupid!”

“Oww… You don't need to hit me with that heavy book…”

Our wish…

“Then the whole world will be destroyed!”

“Well… What do you wish for then?”

It became quiet here…

Yeah I guess that's to be expected. It’s not like anyone could take a possible destruction of the world that lightly after all…

Even I’m still trying to take it all in…

“Are… Are you sure?” Did Courtney just spoke an entire sentence?

“Yes.” I don’t really have much time to understand her train of thought this time, “If Archie isn’t stopped. Then, every living thing on this earth will be underwater!”

  “Really? That’s a stupid wish! Wait! Wait! Don't hit me with that book again! I'm sorry!!”

“Show me some evidence.” Typical Tabitha… always the analytical one, always covering every possibility, “Show me solid proof, that this isn’t some complicated trap!”

…. Yeah this does look like some trap huh?...

“Archie, would you listen to me for just a second! We can't just ignore this! We've got to make sure that we looked at every possibility before we go through this plan!”

“Yer late there, Shelly. I've looked into that already and ran through everything with the scientists again!”

“And?”

“And!? C’mon Shelly I've told ya already that them results are wrong!”

“What?! Are you sure? But that doesn't make any sense…”

“That report’s the one that don't make a lick of sense, Shelly!”

“... But…”

But… I guess… I don't have a choice anymore don't I?

I pulled out my Pokeballs and my bag and laid down on the floor.

“There…” I said as I saw everyone took a step behind, “That's all of my Pokemon and my bag has my communicator and PokeNav in it.”

“Shelly…”

“This isn't a trap I can assure you! I'm not here to fight or to provoke anyone!” I continued, “I just need to speak to Maxie right now! Please!”

Before it's too late…

“Matt, you have to at least understand what I'm telling you right?!”

“Wahaha! Come now sis! If Bro says it's wrong! Then it's gotta be! I mean he even went through all the possible scenarios including that right? Then there's no doubt that's wrong!”

“Matt…”

“Sis, we gotta believe in Bro and his dream! It's our dream too right?”

“Fine!” Tabitha whined. Thank God… “Fine. Fine! FineFinefinefine… Fine!! I'll take you see Leader! But I'm coming with you!”

“Tabitha!” Courtney berated but he quickly dismissed it.

“Courtney, she's defenseless! Which means she's risking herself and even her own Pokemon to come here!” He countered as he picked up my stuff. “Come with me then, if you're still that suspicious!”

She fell silent as Tabitha turned to the grunts. “And all of you, keep watch! Make sure she doesn't have any one following her!”

Everyone saluted to him, which I think is still so ridiculous, but I held my tongue. I finally got my chance. I'm not about to screw it up!

I finally arrived at Maxie's office, and I must say, it's been kept quite tidy and neat up here. But then again, that's how he's always been…

I turned to see Maxie sitting at this huge one person couch typing away at his laptop. Did he noticed us arriving?

“So…” and he did. “I received word of an intruder and surveillance showed it was you.” He kept typing and typing away, “Honestly, I thought you ruffians had become more organized, but it seems I was wrong. All of you are just as uncouth and rowdy as ever.”

Grr… I really wish I could tell him off. But I can't!

“Maxie…” I held my tongue again, “I… You have to listen to me…”

The typing stopped.

But he still hasn't turned to face me! The little-- “Archie… Before he wakes up Kyogre….” Calm down, I have to remember what's important, “Please… I’m asking you to stop him!”

“How… Dare You!” Courtney sneered at me, that's to be expected. “Request! Denied!”

“Courtney has a point, Shelly!” Tabitha would feel the same way, “You can't just beg for our Leader to stop your own!

“Now… Now…” Maxie? How are you so calm? “Don't berate the poor woman…” Are you… “After all, it is not every day we get to be a part of the Team Aqua Admin’s coup after all!”

“Y-You….” He just had to face me saying that. He, really, just had to! “You got it all wrong! I’m doing this to save Archie, Team Aqua, and the world as we know it!!”

“Oh, is that so?” Now I remember why, I didn’t like this smug bastard that much! “Then would you care to elaborate to The Great Maxie, as to why you would come to my presence, to give such a ludicrous request, to save your Team?”

“Fine!” I really wish I could punch him right now. “Courtney, in my bag that Tabitha has. There’s a big manila envelope in there. Can you give it to Maxie?”

At that moment, I could feel the intensity of her glare, as she kept silent.

“Do not fret, Courtney.” Now I don’t know if he’s just being smarmy about this, “Just hand it over to me.”

“Yes Leader Maxie” Is this a good thing or not?

Ever to this day, I'm still shaken from what I discovered. So much so, that I wasn't able to speak properly for days after that. I wasn't able to make sure of those results. After all, I had a duty… But, the fact that these existed…

Was everything that we fought for worth nothing?

“Shelly. Shelly!” Was Maxie just calling me, no it was Tabitha, “Are you listening to me? Leader Maxie was just calling you!”

“What is it?” I unknowingly raised my voice, why did I remember that moment?

I didn't notice that Maxie already stood from his seat and already stood in front of me

“Hmph, for such a proper woman, you have become just as boorish as your grunts. Unfortunate…” Shut up Maxie! “But to the matters at hand…” he looked down at those papers again… “Are these true?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I'm asking you if they are accurate, woman!” Maxie… “What you have pleaded to me is such a ludicrous request. DO you expect me to blindly agree on your terms without even a proper explanation!”

“Why do you think I'm here then, Maxie?!” I had just about enough of him, “Why do you think I'm risking everything just to come here huh?!”

“And so?... Are these reports true?” Why are you--??

“To tell you the truth.” Fine have it your way! “I don't know.”

“... Hmph…” he looked down on it again, what's he planning? “Shelly. You are not telling me everything.” M-Maxie… for some reason I can feel a shiver down my spine... “You have told me that you came here for a good reason. “I don't know” does not count. TELL ME!!”

Yikes! Getting him angry is not part of my plan!

“Look! What those papers are saying is that will happen according to a simulation! I've tried to confirm its truth but I couldn't---”

“Well, I've heard enough…” Wh-what? “I have heard enough from you. Leave!”

“Wait Maxie! Let me explain!!” I can't leave now! Now that I'm so close!! “This is a very serious issue, Maxie! You don't understand----”

“I do!” He rebutted, “Courtney! Please escort this ruffian out of my sight!”

“Yes Leader Maxie, sir!” I turned to see Courtney looking too happy that I can be tossed out.

“No! Please!!” I can't leave! I have no other choice! “Give me a chance!”

“Why should I?!” He demanded, I guess he has a point, “I asked for proof and you did not give me any! Why should I believe anyone from Team Aqua, especially from his own Admins, anything they would say!”

He's right…

But… “I may not have definite proof that these could happen, but the chance is still there!” I began explaining. “These results are also based on historical accounts and archaeological findings! What I'm afraid of is history repeating itself!”

I panted, I spoke my mind to Maxie hoping it would get through to him.

But it looks like I didn't, considering Maxie remained his calm expression… or is it still the same anger he displayed earlier? I can't really tell at times…

“Leader Maxie…” Tabitha? What is it now? “If I may? Mind if I ask what you have read there?”

Tabitha…

“Curious are we?” Maxie smirked, but now I can tell he's nearing his peak in his rage. “But of course with the commotion she has stirred, you and Courtney would have grown curious of the contents of these papers. Very well. I shall tell you what it says.”

I lowered my head as Maxie began telling everything. I… I can't bear.. to face them…

“Hey Jirachi! Now I know what I want to wish for!!’

“You do? It better not be something stupid like that candy!”

“Nah, it's the best wish ever! Jirachi! I wish…”

I turned to see Courtney. Her ever stoic face dropped and I saw her shocked beyond her belief. If that's the case, Tabitha would be…

Yeah he would be the same thing…

“Is this all correct, Shelly?” To think the “robot” Courtney, would speak first.

“Like I said before, I'm not sure.” I replied, “But from what it says, this will most likely that will happen. And if history will repeat itself then… then…”

“The world will drown. And all of us with it.” Maxie… how could you be so calm… no… you're shaking… you're putting up a front that you're not affected by it… even when it's just the four of us here.

“Yes.” I replied as calmly as I could...

“I wish…”

“This… this is not what we wished for! What we dreamt for!” I finally spoke up. Wondering why did we? “I… can't let Archie do this! He needs to be stopped!”

“Then why not simply ask your co Admin, Matt?” Maxie rebutted, why would he just--? “Or even that child, surely after defeating you and Archie, she would be much capable of stopping him.” You may have a point… but are you actually doubting himself? “Why turn to me?”

“Because…” Because… if history will repeat itself… “Matt is too loyal to Archie. He won’t listen to any reason but his. And as for that kid? Believe me, I’ve considered that already. But do you think he’d listen to her, if he didn’t even listen to me?”

“She… She’s right Leader…” Tabitha, thank you…

“That’s why, I have no choice but to beg to you for help!” I repeated, almost ready to kneel on the floor, “I know it's been so long since then. But…”

But…

“The only other person that Archie could listen to… is you Maxie.”

“Shelly!! Shelly! Do you know that I have a brother now? He’s a big bro too!”

Maxie’s gotten quiet. I wonder what's he thinking?

“Remember the nice old lady that saved me and Carvanha a while back! Well she took me in and she took in another boy, just like me, before! So now we’re brothers!”

“Maxie, Please…” I began again, “It’s only a matter of time until he goes to the Seafloor Cavern to use the Blue Orb to wake up Kyogre! But what he wants and what will happen are two completely different things! And just he can't see that!! If he won’t be stopped, then the world will truly return back to its Primal state!”

Silence… Maxie??

“His name is Maxie! Gave him that name! I mean it's much more fun that Maximillian right? Hehe!”

“Hmph, quite admirable of you...” Huh? What are you saying now? You were nervous before and now… “You are willing to sacrifice your own position and your team even, to rescue that reckless fool that you call a Leader.”

“I don’t know what you’re going with this, Maxie…”

“Hehe… You do realize, Shelly, that there is a possibility of you getting caught yes?” Yeah and so?! “Well, the mere fact that you are standing right here in front of me, already counts as treason. I am sure the Captain does not take lightly to traitors.”

“But I can't just sit idly by and do nothing!” I shot back, I have to keep pleading, but I don’t know if this will help anymore! “I may be his Admin, and his close friend. But I care for Archie more than just his ambitions! If I do nothing, then… then…”

“It may not be much. But I have a proper family now! Isn’t it great!”

“Then it is as if you’ve pushed him further into his own demise…” Why the heck are you laughing about, this is no laughing matter!! “Hah! Stuck in a conundrum now aren’t you? You either do nothing and continue to the path of destruction. Or try to save him and your team, and be branded as a traitor.”

“That answer should be obvious, Maxie…” I replied sternly, unwavering in my convictions

“It may look like it is.” He continued, I don’t know how long I could take more of this… “But let us see… Do nothing, not only will it lead to the apocalypse, Archie himself would be completely crushed to see his ideals gone to naught. But “betray” him, you may be able to save him, the team, and the world along with it. But then you realize, that either way, Archie’s ideal was doomed from the start, and after, you would all be seen as criminals. It is a lose-lose situation.”

“You keep telling yourself that with your nose up in the air, Maxie” I’ve already made my decision and considered everything, “But remember, it won’t be just Team Aqua that will lose. Team Magma will fall with us too.”

He quickly shot a glare at me. I know I’m right…

“And you’ve already known that haven’t you?” I taunted a little, “You really are as clever as they told you’d be.”

Judging by his reaction, I can tell I was right on the money.

“You witch…” There we go, “You have already laid us into a trap from the very beginning. Haven’t you?”

“No.” I responded firmly, knowing he’d react like that “This is not a trap. This is the truth that could happen, if we don’t stop Archie!”

“... How troublesome…” I hear Maxie mumble to himself, but then he faced me again “This situation would turn for the worst, either way. Would you be prepared for anything?”

“Shell, thank you… I… I couldn't have gotten this far, without you. You’re the most reliable friend I’ve ever had. I don’t think any of these would have succeeded, if it wasn't for you.. So thank you so much!”

“He’s so close, Maxie” I began “He’s so close that he won't stop at anything!”

“Archie saw it Shelly… Everything… The horror that he witnessed that day… If for nothing else, that is what is driving him to go alone. Driving him to take the extremes….”

“And yet you still want us to try? You are being paradoxal”

“I can’t just leave him be! This is not just about the team or the world anymore! As his friend, I have to do something! Anything! I don’t care what will happen to me! All I care for now is stopping Archie before he goes too far!”

“I wish to make a better world for Pokemon!!”

“Hmph, it seems even after many years has passed, your feelings for him has not changed a bit…” he chuckled. Did I hear him say that?

“Huh? What are you saying?”

“Ha! It’s nothing!” Now I’m curious…. “I must congratulate you on your efforts, Shelly.” Huh? “It is not everyday nor anyone could ever come close to convincing the Great Maxie to go along with your outrageous plan.”

You keep telling yourself that...

“Yeah… Thanks..” I replied, trying my damnedest to not sound sarcastic. Like I needed a backhanded compliment from you. “You need a better understanding of the situation right?”

“Anyone with some sense in their brain would need one.” Even then you still sound so snotty “I have to know what I am going to go into.”

I growled a little as I began my explanation, “Tomorrow’s the grand unveiling of the Submarine Explorer 2 at Slateport City.”

“Yes, that has been talk for many.”

“Archie’s gonna steal that and modify it with a drill so we could open a hole through the Seafloor Cavern!” I continued but he keeps on interrupting me!

“Preposterous!” He shot back,“That Cavern is sealed tight by Rayquaza’s power. Any man made machinery or Pokemon wouldn't even be able to make a dent on it, let alone something as flimsy as a drill.”

“Yeah… that's right.” I gritted my teeth and continued on, “Remember all those years ago, when you two first met again at Rustboro at Devon’s Head Office?”

“Yes… where are you getting at….?” Maxie  looked intrigued, then his eyes widened, then his eyes widened, the realization must have hit him, “No… don't tell me…”

“You two were after the same technology. The infinity energy.”

“According to Devon” Tabitha added, looks like he’s shaken up. “it is the same kind of power that King AZ used to power his ultimate weapon over a millennia ago.”

“That's right…”

Maxie fell silent… He looks more shaken than Tabitha.

“Leader Maxie? What's wrong?” Courtney really does care for him huh?

“.............. I…. I can't believe it…” Huh?

“What?” I asked him, what is he thinking of this time?

“To think…. To think Archie and I… almost to the exact detail…” he said this as he leaned back to the chair.

“What do you mean?!”

“Stealing the information about the energy, then those parts, then if that failed, resorting to the submarine itself, then to modify it with a special drill, using the energy to cave in the Seafloor Cavern Entrance…….” Maxie… Are you? “... Archie… what were we thinking?!”

It didn’t take me long to realize what he was talking about, “Are you telling me, you and Archie….!”

He raised his hand to interrupt me, “I am not finished...”

“Maxie…”

“Shelly.” He began, I could hear the tremble in his voice as he combed his hair with his free hand. “Please correct me if I am wrong… But… As soon as he stole the submarine, he would have had the drill all ready to be attached to the front yes?”

“Wha--?” How did he know that?!! “H-how…?!”

“Then, he would even, just for the fun of it, paint it to look like a Sharpedo, yes?”

“How did you---?!” I managed to speak from this shock…

“Then he would bring out most of the grunts and one of your admins, you, with him to the Cavern. He would leave behind a a few grunts and, Matt for security. Just in case a certain… girl, would stop by to face all of you…”

I froze… I couldn’t say anything anymore… I just… I just can’t believe it...

“Upon arrival at the Cavern, at the Cavern he would command everyone including you to guard the place as soon as he arrives there. And he places you at the very last line of defense, expecting the child to come to face him one last time.”

He’s right...

“And despite all protests, he would use the Orb to Awaken Kyogre….” I could hear him gulp at the end.

“To unleash its full power…” We finished the sentence.

There was a heavy silence in the air. “Are you telling me…” I broke it. I just have to make sure... “You and Archie…. Both of you…?”

“We thought of the exact, same plan…” Maxie slammed his fist into the wall, I could hear the wall crack from the impact... “Right down to the damn detail!!!”

“Hehe, that’s why… That's why he and I are the perfect team! The invincible duo! Archie and Maxie! No one can stand a chance against us!”

“... Then…” I shake my head, then spoke up, “Then that's exactly why, You should stop him!”

“You don't need to tell me that anymore, woman!” Maxie… You sound more shaken than before now, “If this simulation is correct, then we must not waste any more time…!”

“I’m well aware. I helped him make that plan!” I grit my teeth. Archie...

“If that is the case… you want me to disguise myself don't you?” He catches on pretty fast, as expected.

“Yes. I have a spare grunt uniform for you.” I continued my explanation, “I also have a map of the whole base as well. Archie will come back there first after taking the submarine. Then he’ll start grouping people to those who want to stay or who wants to guard the base. Make sure to join them. But for nothing else, you can hide at the submarine. He asked me to design it for the modifications, so I'll be handling the reconstruction. I’ve memorized the blueprints, inside and out.” This is a both a blessing and a curse isn't it? “Once we arrive at the Cavern, I can sneak you in past the security. Being an admin, I can just let them believe me.” I tapped my ear in gesture of the next stage, “I have some extra communicators with me. I managed to have a frequency that you and I can talk to only.”

Silence again… “Very well…” Finally… “It seems either way, I would have had no choice.”

“Thank you! Thank you so much, Maxie!” I felt a great weight lifted off me. I couldn’t help myself to tear up in gratitude.

“Don’t shed your tears, Shelly. Now is not the time.” He interrupted again.

“Huh?” What does he mean by that?

“Go back already to your base and prepare yourself!” He barked. It seems he finally gets the gist of the situation. “ We’ll meet at the Slateport Market an hour before the Submarine will be stolen.”

“And you already know the day?”

“Date and Time. Right to the exact second. Archie may look like an idiotic fool, but he knows how to plan. I’ve taught him how to. Remember?”

“....Then I guess you already know the rest of what I wanted to say…”

“Correct, in the midst of the confusion, I will fly towards the base, sneak my way in as one of your grunts and meet up with you at your port.” I really have to give Maxie credit where it's due.

“At that point the submarine would have arrived at our base and I would arrive after distracting the kid.” I finished.

“As soon as the submarine arrives, I’ll help you with the construction and sneak in while everyone is distracted.” Whew… he really is right on the mark of this one. It's almost amazing, “Shelly…”

“What?” I turned, what else is there to cover?

“There is way too many flaws in this plan.” Huh? What?! “In fact, one terrible slip up would cost us the whole operation.” I couldn't reply back. I don't know what to answer him... “You wouldn’t be able to stop Archie when that happens. Do you understand this?”

“Yes.” But then, I can't let that stop me. I won't back down. “Like I said, I have no choice. In the end, whether is you or I, or even that kid, Archie must be stopped before he even approaches Kyogre.”

“Then that’s where you’re wrong.”

“What?!”

“As we arrive at the Cavern and you help me sneak in, I will confront Archie right there and now. Right in front of Kyogre.”

“Are you crazy?!” You literally contradicted yourself!! “If you do that, then either way, Archie would revive Kyogre, no matter what!”

“Then I will stop him myself!” Maxie shot back “You came here to beg me to stop him. And that is exactly what I will do! You, of all people should know Archie will stop at nothing. That includes you!” He adjusted his glasses and took a step back, “In odd twist of fate, it seems we will be facing for the first time in years, in front of the Super Ancient Pokemon. And I will make it the last.”

“What do you mean?” Maxie...

“Shelly, go!” He turned to me, “You’re wasting enough time as it is! I will have you escorted secretly out of here and you rush back to your base, before Archie finds out!”

“Maxie…” Heh, I get it now… “You… really cared for him, even after all this time.”

He didn't respond, and that's all the answer I need.

I managed to head back to the base without any problems. Good thing a little, “getting some fresh air at the beach”, story was enough to convince everyone.

I hope so… at least.

It was crazy that Maxie made very accurate guesses to our plan. Right at the exact time, just an hour before the submarine was planned to be stolen. I met him at the Market just as planned. We used the hustle and bustle of the market to hide ourselves and managed to communicate what else is there to do and I handed him the spare uniform and other equipment he needed.

And without anything else, the rest of the plan went smoothly, without anyone noticing.

That is until we arrived at the Cavern...

“Maxie! This is Shelly!” I said as I spoke the secret code. “Are you in there now? Do you see Archie?”

There was a slight static but he finally spoke in a hushed tone, “Yes. I can see him perfectly.”

“Good! Now you----”

“Shelly…”

“Huh?”

“You are still going to try to break this peacefully aren't you?” His voice wasn't as hushed as before…

“What?”

“I’m sorry but… I must break that plan of yours…” Break? What is he saying?! “Don't come after me! I'm going to finish this. Once and for all!”

“Wait! Maxie! Wa----” The rest was just the static noise.

“Maxie!!” I tried to reconfigure my comm, but still he didn't respond. I was only met with more static.

Maxie… What are you going to do?

“--- Big Sis Shelly!” Huh? What? “Big Sis are you there?”

It's one of the grunts, “Yes… I'm here. What is it?” I tried to cover myself for now, hoping he didn't sense what I'm feeling.

“I'm so sorry Admin Shelly! But…”

“But what? Spill it!”

“It's that kid again!” What?! She's here?! Already?! “That kid basically got through all of us. And she's heading right through ya”

“No way…” No way… It's like… like…

[lunaraen]

Random idea: Jesse/one of the other New Order kids has a bad nightmare and Awkward Honorary Uncle Ivor tries to handle the situation :3

The bright side is how Lukasmanages to swallow his scream before it can actually escape his throat.

The downside is everything else.

His chest hurts and he’s not sureif it’s because of the terror burning white hot in his veins or if it’s becausehe’s nearly panting, eyes wide as he stares up at the ceiling and as hisfingers curl into the sheets. It might have something to do with the way hiseyes are burning, and the attempt to wipe his eyes does little to stop thetears.

Lukas can’t remember if he hadnightmares about falling before, or how realistic they could have been. Hedoesn’t really care right now because he’s too rigid to care, his next breathhalfway to a sob.

The second it takes for him tosit up takes too long and is over too soon, his face buried in his hands as hisfingers curl into his hair and tug, his eyes screwing shut.

The resulting darkness, tinted atbest by the dim torchlight attempting to find a way through his fingers andeyelids, easily beats the blurry, blinding white and bright blue Lukas was justreliving.

There’s more beyond sobs or angerbubbling in his throat, more to how tense his shoulders are than just waitingfor a poor fall into freezing water and an aching arm. There’s questions andcarefully buried fury and a burning hunger for answers he won’t get and theneed for reassurances he won’t go looking for.

Jesse needs sleep more than Lukasdoes; and Lukas doesn’t get near as many nightmares as regularly as Jesse does.

Olivia and Axel both have citiesof their own and a bad dream doesn’t exactly warrant a trip through the netherin the middle of the night, especially not to just wake them up and botherthem, and Petra’s off on another adventure in some world to do something.

(She’s been getting more and morevague about where she’s going and what she’s doing, and Lukas knows she’s nothappy with how everyone’s drifting. It doesn’t make sense to him that she’spulling away as much as she is, except that Petra’s always liked closing up ifshe thinks she’ll get hurt and it makes a lot more sense when he thinks aboutit that way.

Lukas might as well get his ownplace if everyone else is doing the same; even Ivor still has his skull housewhere he and Harper spend plenty of time.

Petra had joked that Lukas didn’tneed a place of his own if all he was going to do was sit around and write, andmaybe she’d apologized later but she’d had a point. It wasn’t a fun one to havelurking in the back of his mind, but it was a point all the same.

It’s probably the only reason bythis point that Lukas hasn’t moved yet, but being alone would be better thanbeing useless.

Jesse doesn’t need him foranything, not when all he does is pretty much sit and write. For all of Jesse’sjokes and maybe legitimate concerns, Lukas isn’t really needed to help withmuch except paperwork, and Jesse’s skilled enough know at beingmayor/hero-in-residence that he’s not really needed for that. Jesse’s tenancyto go overboard with working is a different matter, but Ivor has a better waywith sleeping potions and could take care of it with words on his own.

Lukas might as well be alone,drenched in a cold sweat with nothing but the dull patter of rain to listen toand no way to fall back to sleep, not right now and here in a bed that’s toosmall and too big, suffocating in the way he’s tangled in the sheets and toovast in how utterly empty it is.)

Lukas can tough it out for onenight.

But there’s no way he’ll be ableto do it here or right now like this, the muffled thunder rumbling in a waythat shakes his core.

Lukas grimaces as he brushes hisbangs out of his eyes, his hair sticking to his skin momentarily due to thethin sheen of sweat, and he tells himself it’s just how cold the floor is thathas chills running up his spine as his bare feet slip out of the warm bed andonto the carpet.

The tile outside his room isn’texactly warmer, so it’s a decent excuse.

The plan is to get something todrink from the kitchen, probably grab a cookie or two, and then head back tobed where he’ll either fall asleep or spend fifteen minutes tossing and turningbefore giving up and just trying to write until morning. (His money’s on thelatter, but he can hope.)

That’s the plan, at least.

The plan is not to walk into thedimly lit kitchen, as dark as it can be without letting monsters pop up, andnot realize until he’s turned the corner of the counter and opened one of thedrawers holding a stowed away cookie bin that Ivor happens to also be in thekitchen, watching him from where he’s standing beside a slowly brewing coffeepot.

It’s awkward the way unexpectedmeetings tend to be at unholy hours of the night, but if Lukas tries to justslink away it’ll be worse, even if Ivor does give him the benefit of pointedlylooking away again to watch the slowly filling pot.

Actually, coffee doesn’t soundhalf bad right now, and while Lukas hadn’t considered going to Ivor, due toIvor generally assuming the worst and for good reason when woken up forpotions, seeing as how they’re both awake anyway, he doesn’t see how askingcould hurt.

Lukas pulls two cookies out ofthe tin, gently closes the drawer, and leans against the attached counter as hewatches the filtered water slowly seep down into the clear pot, the occasionalbrown bubble surfacing only to burst upon reaching the pot’s edge or upon beingsubmerged by another trickle of steaming coffee. It’s oddly mesmerizing in away coffee likely only can be so late, or early, and it gives Lukas decententertainment to absently nibble on his cookies to.

“What has you up at thishour?” Lukas does his best not to choke as Ivor asks the question midbite. He raises an eyebrow, busy swallowing, and Ivor’s gracious enough to takeit as the intended reflected question it’s meant as. “As luck would haveit, magma cubes get even more energetic at night. I’d dare say my experimentshave only strengthened that.”

While Ivor’s always been too goodat keeping his experiments happy, Lukas can’t imagine having several bouncingnightlights in his room would help him get to sleep.

From what he’s managed to gatherfrom bits of conversations and Ivor’s offhand comments over the past week, themagma cubes are part of a harmless but interesting experiment that Ivor’s beenwaiting to surprise Harper with.

The being alone part probablyhasn’t been helping Ivor’s sleep either, even if it’s been well over a week andHarper’s due to return back any day now.

“I couldn’t sleep. I think Ihad too much hot chocolate or something.” Lukas shrugs, finishing off thefirst cookie and hoping it will save him from babbling on and tripping himselfup in an attempt to make it better. “Or too many ideas for what towrite.”

They’re both running on little tono sleep at it’s gotten to the point where Ivor might not be as energetic as hewould be in the day, though Ivor tends to be better at being subdued whenothers are sleeping anyhow, and even still there’s humor behind the way hearches an eyebrow in reply and just enough energy in his gaze to let Lukas knowhe doesn’t believe a bit of it.

And just in case Lukas missedthat, given how tired they both are, Ivor voices how little he believes him.

“Lukas, please. At leasthave the decency to try and be convincing if you’re going to lie to myface.” Lukas then shoots himself in the foot by wincing as soon as Ivorcalls his lie out for what it is, and he really has no one but himself toblame.

“Ivor, seriously, I’mfine.” Lukas begins eating the second cookie, to try and distract bothhimself and Ivor. He gets the feeling it doesn’t work but he’s too tired toknow how to fix it without making things worse. “…it’s just some lostsleep. Since you’re up, I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t mind me using one ofyour potions to take care of it. There’s no point in going back to sleep.”

Insomnia doesn’t come with redeyes and tear stained cheeks, not on its own.

And maybe the lying doesn’treally help endear his case to Ivor, because what Lukas gets in return is apointed look before he turns to the quietly beeping coffee machine to turn oneof the dials, water still slowly brewing.

“There are potions that cando nearly anything. That doesn’t mean you should use one to deprive yourself ofsleep. Even if I were to use one to help you get your rest, that won’taccomplish much if you don’t take care of the real problem.”

It’s not a flat out no, at least.

Lukas smiles weakly, andultimately, when it comes between the truth and having to directly addressIvor’s less than subtle point that Lukas is avoiding things (again), the truthdoes both without him stumbling over himself as much.

“…at first, it was justthinking about them that kept me up.” Lukas shrugs as he swallows, on onehand regretting eating any sugar this early and also regretting not picking upmore cookies to distract himself with. It doesn’t help that talking about itmakes his throat burn and the interrupted sleep is weighing down on his words,closer to mumbling and slurring than he is talking. “Then I fell asleepand I saw them. They hated me, and Aiden… he tossed me off again. Like I deserved it. I was theleader and I screwed up. None of us would ever do anything like that to Jesse,because Jesse would never do anything to deserve it.”

Judging by the pause, Ivordoesn’t have any questions about who ‘they’ are, and Lukas wonders if bringingit up at all was a good idea. Ivor and Petra had been taken prisoner, afterall, and the others had never really had the time to endear themselves to himas the Ocelots, if that would’ve helped.

“Lukas, you hardly deservedit.” Ivor seems to mean it, and Lukas isn’t sure if that makes it betteror if he should feel worse for it, for complaining about it when Ivor’s beenthrough a lot and they’ve all been through worse than just near-death experiences.“And if Jesse did do something, you wouldn’t be that way, simply becauseyou all would find a better way to handle it. You’ve already found moreconstructive ways of making sure you work as a group without nearly killingeach other.”

The words Lukas replies with arenothing good and everything bad in all of the worst ways. Impressive, for fourwords.

“What would you know?”

It might be the frustration fromthe memories and nightmare seeping in, it might be how tired he feels of all ofthis, and it might just be stupidity because he knows Ivor’s beingextraordinarily understanding right now and that being a jerk isn’t a good wayto thank him for that.

The guilt in Lukas’s gut sinkslower as Ivor merely raises an eyebrow, voice not scathing but not as gentle asit just was.

“You’re hardly the firstperson to be betrayed by his friends.”

There’s not much to say to that that isn’t the much deserved apology, and Lukas winces as he bites his lip.

“Ivor, I… I’m sorry.”

Lukas gets waved off as Ivorshakes his head.

“I know you and the othersnever really thought of me as part of the Order, but we were more than justcolleagues.” There’s another small beep from the nearby machine, and Ivorpauses again as he pulls out two mugs from the nearest cupboard and begins tofill them. “…my best friends cast me out. I wanted to tell the truth; Icouldn’t offer them any of the glory, or fame, or recognition they wanted thatway. Not like Soren, or his blasted block, could.”

It’s Ivor’s story, not Lukas’s,but there’s a scalding hot flash of regret and pain and fury in the back of hismind that likely has nothing to do with the coming coffee.

“They saw something betterand took it.”

The chuckle he gets is low andexhausted and it’s unsettling how much Lukas can relate it to his own voiceright now.

“More or less. Though Ican’t act like I took it all that chivalrously. I never meant for Ellegaard todie; it doesn’t change that she did.”

“Ivor.”

Ivor doesn’t look up at Lukas ashe stops pouring the coffee, picking one of the filled mugs up and setting theother one on the counter beside Lukas.

“I never meant for Gabrieland Magnus to be hated for what they’d done. Magnus at least has a city to hisname; Gabriel probably had the largest conscience and in the end, few peoplesaw that in light of the reputation he’d built on lies and falseconfidence.”

“…if this is supposed tobe a pep talk, it’s not really uplifting.”

“I’m not finished yet.”Ivor’s smile is wiry and his look partly amused, partly flat. “Each waspunished for their lies, though more harshly than I ever intended, but theyrefused to let that stop them. Gabriel’s currently wandering any and allavailable countryside in order to help whoever he can, which certainly soundshonorable to me, and Magnus is happy assisting Axel. It’s to my knowledge he’sstill regularly challenged and winning.”

“You’re comparing me and myfriends to heroes.” It’s not a good direct comparison anyway, but if Lukassees himself in any of them, it’s Soren. “I know the Order lied to get tofame and that we’re technically heroes too, but it’s still hard to think ofthem as anything less than 'Magnus the Rogue’ or 'Gabriel the Warrior’.”

And Lukas would rather not thinkof himself as an even worse leader than he was with the Ocelots, never mind acoward and a liar.

“You and the others arefifty times the heroes we hoped to be.”

Ivor takes a long drink of hisstill steaming coffee, not waiting for a response, and if this wasn’t Ivor,whose experiments have had him drinking far more dangerous concoctions, Lukaswould be worried about his throat.

“…I can see why that maycause some problems; habits die hard. They’ve always just been my friends, andthat’s the point. If they can forgive me for what I did, and if you can claim Isomehow earned that forgiveness, the 'Blaze Rods’ should easily be able toforgive you for just defending yourself and punishing them for what they did.Magnus and Gabriel have not only built themselves back up, but have, for somereason, decided to let me into their lives again after it all.”

Lukas decides to stop dancingaround it, even as his gaze drifts to dance around and follow the way the dim, amberlight reflects off the windows and counters.

“You’re trying to make aconnection between my story and yours, and I appreciate it. It might besimilar, but you weren’t the leader, Ivor. Soren was, and you tried to stophim. He hurt you for his own gain, so he could be a hero while people forgotabout you. You never meant to hurt anyone, especially not Ellegaard.”

Maybe Lukas expects that to bethe last straw, the end to Ivor’s late night kindness, but Ivor only seemsamused, huffing as he smiles.

“You’re nothing likeSoren.” He takes another sip of his coffee, and beyond being hot, Lukasalmost wonders how he can drink so much of it when it’s as strong and bitter ashe makes it. “Please, if you won’t take it from someone who knows you asyour own person, take it from someone who knew Soren for years before his riseto fame.”

He should accept that, thankIvor, and move on.

But his mouth has other ideas, those ideas being connected to what the more traitorous thoughts in his mind want to voice even with every rational part of him firmly suggesting otherwise.

It makes his heart hurt and his stomach ache and it’s really no surprise that Lukas wants to eat something to silence both parts.

“I chased my friends away. Iwas bad enough that I made it so hurting other people and nearly killing meseemed better to them than dealing with it anymore, than dealing with me, or my new friends, or the new power.”

Lukas knows it’s not just hisfault, that Aiden had temperament issues before, but as angry as he might be,he can’t just happily blame them for everything while they went to jail andhe’s living a hero’s life.

And he’s furious, still.

His temper’s no better thanAiden’s on a good day, even if he has different ways of dealing with it, andit’s not easy to let go of how many people nearly died, himself included, whenhe doesn’t want to let it go.

“You didn’t deserve to haveto choose between your friends’ loyalty and your own life.” Ivor tilts his head back, apparently finishing off hiscoffee before he sets the mug down on the counter with a solid but gentleclink. “If they’re taking the chance Jesse gave them, they’ll be gratefulfor the mercy we all showed and they’ll regret all the ways they hurt you. Thatdoesn’t mean you owe them anything.”

It’s justice. It’s fair, short andsimple, a tidy resolution that makes him want to unravel.

Because Aiden, Maya, and Gillearned their way to where they are now, for better or worse, but there’s a partof Lukas that can’t ignore that he’s living it up as a hero while they’repotentially suffering. Or that they spent years being his best friends, howeversnide or cruel they were to other people. Lukas hadn’t stopped that when heshould’ve, even when he had plenty of chances. He was just happy to have themas friends.

Lukas looks up as Ivor quietlyclears his throat.

“And I’m not doing this outof forced generosity, but while I doubt I’ll be sleeping anytime soon, Iwouldn’t mind some company while I write up some observations.”

For a brief, tempting second,Lukas considers saying no and skulking back to his bedroom.

And then he realizes that wouldbe stupid because now he’s only thinking about the things that gave himnightmares to start with more, so he grins as he gives a light nod.

“Thanks.”

Ivor turns without another word,his empty mug left by the sink, and Lukas follows a step or two behind.

A letter might not be a bad idea.

He could hand it to Milo or Isaand let them find the right person to have deliver it, or he could just send amessenger through the portal network.

Of course, a visit couldn’t hurt,especially if he didn’t let the people he was checking in on know he was there.He could just… check how things were with Milo and Isa, have a nicediplomatic visit and try to make visiting their world less painful, and maybeask about how their prisoners or ex-prisoners were.

Whatever he does or doesn’t do,it can also wait until morning.

Which will take Lukas a while toget back to, because even if he isn’t given any potions, Ivor’s coffee is juststrong enough to keep Lukas awake until they both enter Ivor’s room, at whichpoint they both have a conversation that dips in and out of comfortablesilences and rambles from the magma cubes hopping in their roomy container tothe materials Ivor’s saving for Harper’s return.

After that, the coffee doesn’t domuch to keep Lukas awake, not when Lukas ends up with a blanket around hisshoulders while he sits a small but safe distance from Ivor’s fireplace, hisback to a small table covered in several journals and various pieces of scrappaper.

He’s not sure when his headbegins to droop or when his shoulders relax, but Lukas doesn’t bother shiftingto lie down before his heavy eyelids close.

(Lukas wakes up to sunlightfiltering through the windows in large golden beams, curled up on his sidewhere he was previously sitting and his coffee mug now gone, with a pillowunder his head and another blanket covering him as he groggily blinks at theglowing embers of the fireplace. He can’t remember what he dreamed, beyond thatit was peaceful.)

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Say no to this

Here's the excerpt from Mick's POVS during the beginning of his and Claire's "relationship." (Claire and the beginning of their relationship can be read in my Fics, Just like Fire and Hot and Bothered. Yes, I shamelessly self promote, I don't care.) Takes place after season 1 of Legends of Tomorrow. Song from Hamilton. There's nothing like summer in the city Someone under boredom meets someone looking pretty There's trouble in the air, You can smell it And Mick's by himself I'll let him tell it Mick was incredible bored. It was one of the few days when the team had a break and everyone had their own way of relaxing, especially after the clean-upon Sara seducing the Queen of France. Normally Mick would have gone out with Leonard or Sara but Leonard was dead.

Despite Rip's favor to let him see Leonard via time machine. He didn't feel like it. He would already know all the heists and what happened. He needed something new.

Sara on the other hand was dealing with the death of her sister and Len. She had gone back to her hometown for the funeral and stuff. So he decided he would go back too, in 2016 of course. I hadn't slept in a week I was weak, I was awake You never seen a bastard orphan More in need of a break Longing for Leonard Missing action It was almost 10:30 at night in Central when he arrived. Mick went back to one of the old safe-houses, half-expecting Lisa to be there, looking over Leonard's belongings like she did after he gave her the news. She took it hard, wailing and crying and locked in Leonard's old room.

The safe house was empty, he figured Lisa was out or something, probably with that skinny, engineering kid that helped the Flash. He still didn't get what she saw in him.

He froze, he smelled the oh-so familiar and intoxicating smell of smoke. He scanned the room when he spotted her. Leaning lazily against the stairs, long, red hair trailing down to her feet and a smirk playing on her black lips as her hands played around with a fireball. That's when Miss Claire Selton walked into my life

“You're back? Uh, Lisa's out with her little engineer toy. She said she'd be back by morning." Claire smiled casually, looking at her nails as the fire flicked between her fingers. Mick had met her a few times before. First when he had broke the news about Leonard. Lisa had apparently gone to the same Earth he had went to with Flash and friends and also met Supergirl and had to fight a CEO, Luthor -something. (He had no idea why a CEO was such a problem for heroes, but he hadn' t been there).  Claire had been pulling heists which Lisa helped and then brought her back to Central for more robberies with Shawna and Axel. He hadn't really noticed her then, but then he visited a few times after that.....Claire and he, they ended up sleeping together almost every time.

Looks were defiantly a big part of it, her costume was a tight dark reddish/black leather pants and crop top with window's peak. It emphasized all the right places.

But her powers was an even bigger turn on. She was a pyro-telekinetic, able to create fires and she was fascinated by her powers. She completely understood the magnificence that was the flame revealing the truth behind the covers.

No one in Mick's life really understood that, much less relish in burning things. She was the only one that had not ran away when he suggested his fire gun in the bedroom instead of the small, fragrant candles that his other girls seemed to prefer. In fact she even made it a pretty fun sex toy. She said: I know you are no man of honor I'm so sorry to bother you at home "I'll wait,” he muttered gruffly, settling into the beat up couch he had pulled to the middle of the room years ago. Claire took that as a cue to explain what she was doing.

"Lisa and I had this idea to take over the Smithsonian exhibit for the Egyptian jewelry. But then she got a call from Cissie, what's his name so I'm trying to figure out how the hell we're going to pull it off." But I don't know how to go, and I'm doing this all alone "Plus all the police are being really careful because of the last few times I set fire to the places. So I figure, it would be extra-fun if we were able to pick the pocket from one of them, probably their wallet, just to pay off my bet with Axel." "After all,” she mock-pouted.  The police are doin' me wrong Beatin' me, cheatin' me, mistreatin' me... Suddenly the jewels are locked and gone I don't have the means to go on Mick considered, he did come here for action, and who knew better than he at stealing priceless exhibits? So I offered her a favor, I offered to do the deal, she said You're too kind, sir Claire smiled, "Well I'm sure Lisa won't mind if we do it for her." She flopped on the couch seat next to him as her hand sneaked down to squeeze his ass.

Mick remembered the deal of their one night flings. Victory sex only.

It had been his idea. Mick had absolutely no interest into turning whatever this was into a relationship. He didn't need anyone, it only brought sharp pain. Leonard choosing the Legends over him, betraying him and then dying would be prime examples. 

He didn't want to get close. It was so worthless to care about people, it made everything too complicated. Even when he tried, he couldn't believe that the fact he cared about the team was enough for him NOT to succumb being Chronus again. That was when he had to draw the line. He would stop caring for people after the Legends. Nothing more, nothing less. He had a reputation.

Though it was not a relationship, friends with benefits didn't fit either. They had to be friends and actually know about each other which he refused to do.

So victory sex. If they get this heist right, they could have sex.

Which didn't seem like a bad way to spend his down time.

Once he got downtown, it went uphill from there. It was actually quite an easy job. Since Central City hadn't seen him for the past couple of months, he made a distraction in the lobby with his heat gun, prompting all of the cops to go stop him while Claire sneaked in to melt the glass and steal whatever she wanted.

As they raced back to the safe house on the motorcycle, Claire complained, “Ugh I really wished I could have gotten the Srgt.'s wallet.” 

"Look at my pocket," Mick said gruffly, "Took it when he tried to tackle me.”  I gave her the wallet that I had socked away We were a block away she said: “I know how to repay this, sir Then I said, "well, I should head back home,"

She turned red, she led me to the bed "I'll do the work tonight" she said, and turned her body into flames.

Another one of her powers, fire shaped like a woman, the chest and all. Mick grabbed his gun and dropped his pants. ---------------------------------------------------------—————————— 12 rounds later, the room smelt of burnt leather, and sheets as the two started to get redressed. Mick motioned to the door when she stopped him. Let her legs spread and said: Stay? Mick froze.

What!! Stay! That wasn't their deal. It was just drink, burn stuff and have sex. Not in that order or sometimes all at once. There was NO HANGING OUT. No  STAYING.

"It isn't even 2 yet. I was gonna go clubbing, do you want to?" Claire asked Hey… Hey…

Mick couldn't believe he was even considering this. It was going against his self-imposed rule not to hang out with her......

But he didn't have anything else to do. He was too pumped up with adrenaline to sleep and he didn't know how much time he had to go stealing again before getting called away by Rip. That's when I began to pray Lord, show me how to Say no to this I don't know how to Say no to this. But my God, she looks so gorgeous And her body's saying, "hell, yes" Nooo, show me how to Say no to this I don't know how to Say no to this In my mind, I'm tryin' to go Go! Go! Go! Claire leaned closer, "There's alcohol...”  Then her mouth is on mine, and I don't say… "Fine! only ONE club don't have anything better to do" No! No! Say no to this! No! No! Say no to this! No! No! Say no to this! No! No! Say no to this! "Move faster. This one's my favorite,” Claire dragged Mick's arm to another club. The sixth one he had gone with her this morning. I wish I could say that was the last time I said that last time. It became a pastime Mick settled into a easy chair and nursed his gin. If one thing he regret at the Vanishing Point besides the torture and abuse he received as Chronus, it would be his lost days as a hard drinker. He had know it was bad after losing in a drinking contest with Sara but after his seventh drink of the night, he felt like he was about to fall out of his chair.

Claire on the other hand was dancing on bar's counter. He guessed she was trying to be sexy with the swaying hips and bouncing boobs coming out of her red halter but it reminded him more of a drunk bellydancer 

Finally after 2 more minutes, they got kicked out when Claire discreetly used her powers, pretending to be a fire breather and made the light bulbs explode. Mick thought it would be a great time to start a bar fight but when he fell down after standing up, he decided to just let Claire drag him out, chattering excitedly. "That was amazing! I felt like Azula, damn I was half-expecting the fire to turn blue. I wanted it to be blue." "Zulwho?" Mick slurred.

"Fictional character. Look up the Last Airbender., Azula. She is like my role model,” She stumbled under his weight.  "Woah, you are not a drinker, big guy?" Claire asked as she finally dumped him on a shady spot by the road and collapsed next to him.

"Not me fault, time travel..” Mick mumbled.

"That sucks.” Claire commented as she readjusted her bun under a white headscarf. She claimed, she would be too recognizable without it. Then her phone beeped, and she checked it.

"Say are you doing anything on Saturday. There's a Pompeii lecture and I need to steal the medium size replica with real volcanic magma and ash,” Claire grinned. 

"Stealing magma is not really my thing. Why would you want that?" Mick's shook his head trying to get the fog to lift. "My powers. My name is Volcana, I wanna see if I can manipulate the magma or something. Make something erupt.”

"Why did you even choose that name, if you don't know if you can control volcanos?" He asked.  "I didn't choose it. These scientists at CADMUS did. I was their little weapon and experiment project,” Claire growled at the name Cadmus. "What kind of experiments?"

"I won't go into it, but putting 3 shots of heroine in me at the same to see if that improves my ruthlessness in killing and combustion powers. Hint, it doesn't. I had to get my stomach pumped for two hours." Claire rolled her eyes.  Mick lay down, staring at the sky. Cadmus sounded like the Vanishing Point, the brainwashing. The years and years of brainwashing.

"How long were you with them?"

"Since I was 13 until two years ago. So 16 years of hell, wondering if I would ever leave and do something worthwhile than be a mindless pawn. If I could actually be a human than a weapon. Now here I am, life is sorta good, but Lisa says I really need to get use to social cues. And go beyond a a 2nd grade level education."

"Second? Wouldn't you be in eighth at 13?"

"The drugs made me forget stuff." Claire answered.  "I haven't been in school since I was 14. Juvie then jail." Mick said.

"Juvie? Wait, are the stuff they say about it true? Do they beat you up on your first day? Do they really electrocute you? What did you do?" Claire interrogated eagerly.  "I killed my parents," Mick sighed "It had been my fault. I had been playing with a lighter...." He trailed off, thinking.

A minutes into this question I received a message From inner Conscious, Mick Rory, even better, he said Dear Sir, I hope this message finds you in sober health And in a thoughtful enough position to realize What you're doing: down on your luck You see, your spilling your life story to a stranger you Fuuuu— What the hell was he doing? He was telling about his parents to her! No one knew about his parents exempting Leonard and he knew only the bare facts. Nor he didn't tell anyone of his conversation between him and his younger self. It was enough that he cared about the Legends who were all probably going to die just like Leonard did.

He was telling his personal life to a girl he didn't care about. He will not care about. Uh-oh! You will be the wrong sucker a cuckold Do you want to pay the piper for the pants you unbuckled And hey, you can keep seein' the whore girl If the price is right: if yes she'll end up ruining your life Oh god, and if they start sleeping with someone else? If she turned out to betray him and use this information against him. No!

Mick Rory was a lone wolf and he was staying that way. I got up and pinned her to her place "This is not our deal! It was just victory sex, victory sex! You manipulative bitch, you're trying to drug me and bond. No, that was not the plan. I don't give a shit about you. What the hell did you think you're doing?" Mick yelled.  Screamed "How could you?!" in her face She said: No, sir! Half dressed, pissed. A hot mess, this is Pathetic, she cried: What the hell, sir! "What are you talking about?" Claire screeched, shoving him off her, “Got YOU drunk? You did that all by yourself. And I don't give a shit about you either. What is wrong with you, I just asked you a question.” 

But Mick was on a roll. So was your whole story a setup? I don't know what you're talking about? "You asked me about clubbing. You were the one that wanted to hang out,”  Mick protested. 

"You could have said no. I don't want to marry you, what sorta of commitment issue freak are you?" Claire stammered. Mick could see her confusion but the haziness of the alchohol inly made his blood pump harder and all the stress piling up from Leonard's death, and the disrespect he had been getting from EVERYONE and kind, friendly emotions made him want to explode. 

"Not that! You what be friends. We have stuff in common and I don't want that!" Mick gestured angrily to her.

"I swear if we were by a public road, I would cremate a very special part of your anatomy.." Claire hissed, her hand sparking dangerously.  Stop yelling Goddamnit, shut up! If I didn't know any better "And another thing Mr. You're a manipulative bitch. If you didn't want to be friends and know about each other, you wouldn't have kept asking about me?" I am ruined... "Shut up, I don't need anyone."

"If you want to be victory sex and drink fine. And we end up friends whatever! Just think, Rory before I do something you will regret.” Claire's voice calmed to a lower level as she saw him wince from the volume of his own yelling. Please just leave me helpless If that's what you want and you can have me Whatever you want, I am helpless How could I do this? Mick's head pounded with the same thoughts going in a frantic drumming rhythm. I don't want you I don't want you Mick's mind was on overdrive. One part was telling him it was all wrong to start trusting someone else in his life. To actually care about someone else besides himself. Too complicated and too sharing. He didn't need the extra work. 

But he also thought about how it would be nice to have sex more often, with someone who didn't mock his love of flame nor his intelligence.

Really where would he meet someone else he liked fire like he did? And every time they were together not once had he heard he say "idiot" to him. If you pay You can stay Tonight Helpless Whoa! How can you Say no to this? "What is it?" Claire's voice seemed to cut through his thoughts like a knife. Lord, show me how to Say no to this I don't know how to Say no to this Cuz the situation's helpless And her body's screaming, "Hell, yes" No, show me how to Say no to this How can I Say no to this? When her body's on mine I do not say… Yes! Say no to this 

Be with a girl who actually saw beyond the need for fire, but took the time to listen to his thoughts about it. To relish it. Yes! Say no to this 

To be with a girl who went through the pain and nightmares of torture, thinking to be all alone in the world. That no one would ever actually care about her. That every day it would be the same pain pounding into their body like a clockwork. Yes! Say no to this

To be with a girl that saw his effort on heists, saw his odd ideas as good ones. Yes! Say no to this

To be with someone who not only understood that, but as I thought she was truely content with what was happening to her life right now. She was always so energetic and never minced words. He could read her easily. And damn it, if it wasn't a turn on to see her bringing a policeman to his needs. Go! Go! Go! No! Say no to this! No! Say no to this! No! Say no to this! No! Say no to this! "I...I freaked," Mick sat down again, head hanging. "It's hard for me talk about things...Plus I'm drunk." Say no to this… I don't say no to this There is nowhere I can go. "I'll tell you that story another time." Mick finished lamely, his eyes flicked up to see her staring at him with what seemed to be concern. How rare for someone to look at him that way. So? "Can we go to another club?" He asked.

"Sure," Claire looked at him questioningly, "You're fine?" 

"Yes, I think I will go with whatever happens," Mick said and he felt a little shiver up his back as he saw her small smile changed quickly to a smirk. 

"But we cannot talk about this, I have a reputation." Mick finished, glaring at her.

Claire smiled again, "Of course, I get it..." Nobody needs to know

[positive-stress]

top 10 albums of 2017!!!

10. diet cig - swear I’m good at this

idk how much there is to say about diet cig. they’re just so cute and fun and good. semi-angsty indie pop for semi-angsty millennials. I should save the words anyway because these are definitely just gonna get longer as this goes. thanks, diet cig! tummy ache

9. charan-po-rantan - mirage collage

a duo of sisters, older sister koharu plays accordion while younger sister momo sings and for some reason carries around a stuffed pig. idk. charan-po-rantan’s music is a blend of all kinds of world music, from klezmer to polka to cabaret to balkan brass, and it’s good as hell. they put out two fantastic albums this year, and this is the more... traditional one, I guess. we’ll get to the other one shortly. ikku yo!

8. björk - utopia

I don’t think it’s possible to describe this album without using the word “lush” so there’s, it’s out of the way and I don’t have to say it again. described by björk as the “tinder album” to follow up her breakup album vulnicura, this album is just... fucking beautiful. the flutes, man. the FLUTES!!! it’s a dense album and I have no idea where it’ll fall in my björk rankings once I’ve spent more time with it but I have a feeling this might be top 3 for me. utopia

7. seiko oomori - MUTEKI

I feel weird putting this in my top 10 because it’s not really an album but... god damn it I love it so much. with the exception of the first two tracks, the absolutely gorgeous “ryuusei heaven” and the catchy as hell “mix juice”, everything here is a re-recording, mostly on acoustic guitar, occasionally piano, of one of her older songs, going all the way back to her 2012 EP PINK. this album is basically pure fanservice but... it’s the best fanservice. a blend of greatest hits and deep cuts, that sweet tape hiss, those voice cracks, the one song where gets too into it and has a coughing attack. who else would release this? thank you based seiko. ryuusei heaven

6. charan po rantan - toritomenashi

oh hey! good to see you again. here’s the, uh, less musically consistent one. most of these songs could easily fit in with mirage collage but then you’ve got a couple with... loud synths? what? why? why am I listening to japanese electro polka? what is HAPPENING and why is it so GOOD? unfortunately none of those songs are on youtube so here’s an incredibly good jazzy song with tokyo ska paradise orchestra which showcases momo’s good as hell voice and also that fucking stuffed pig she’s always carrying around. otakebi

5. blanck mass - world eater

benjamin power of fuck buttons solo project blanck mass takes all of the raw, heavy noise of fuck buttons and channels it into a sound that is less drone, more dynamic. it can still be as much of an assault on your ears as ever (and I mean that in the best way) but it’s more, uh. for lack of a better word I’ll say “accessible”. this album rules. rhesus negative

4. you’ll melt more! - youtopia

I first started listening to YMM! about two months ago after being vaguely aware of them for a while from ano’s collaboration with seiko oomori on kitixxxgaia (foreshadowing!) but I never really felt inclined to listen to them since, you know. idol music. gross! I just happened to come across a thing talking about their recent EP, disco psychedelica, and the album cover immediately caught my eye. what the hell, why is this idol group mimicking the cover of screamadelica by primal scream? it was too weird to not listen, and hey, it turns out that’s just YMM! in a nutshell. idol pop influenced by bands like primal scream, too weird to not listen. looking back in their discography I found a whole bunch of stuff with heavy new wave vibes, and sure enough almost immediately after I started listening to them they put out their TALKING HITS EP, this time with an album cover mimicking that of talking heads’ remain in light. (it’s not on youtopia but their song NEW WAVE STAR is very reminiscent of the great curve and I love it.) they also have collaborated with the lead dude from POLYSICS as well as mariko goto formerly of midori which if you know either of them, you should be interested. anyway tl;dr youtopia is their latest album, just out, gotta love it. a handful of tracks from those two EPs and a bunch of great new shit as well. YMM! are the fucking best. music san, yon bu de owacchimau yo ne

3. neil cicierega - mouth moods

this album was a huge hit on the online so it’s very likely you already know about it, and basically impossible that you don’t already know who neil cicierega is, so I’ll just cut to the chase. this is meme music, a mashup album full of IT’S BEENs and someBODYs and [tim allen grunt]s. it’s an album of legitimately great mashups, but it’s also a comedy album that has some moments that genuinely caught me off guard and made me laugh out loud. if you haven’t listened yet, I won’t spoil those moments, I’ll just urge you to check out mouth moods, because it really is the most 2017 album and it’s very near perfect. everything comes together so well, and there’s very often moments where I’d be listening to a song and look at the title and something would click and I’d realize the joke of the song goes even deeper than I’d originally thought. there are layers here. basically what I’m saying is, this album is like an onion. smooth

2. seiko oomori - kitixxxgaia

hey, we’re back to seiko! there’s a reason I say she’s my beyonce. in a lot of ways, this album is the biggest departure yet from her older folkier style of music (thank god she later put out MUTEKI, almost to reassure fans like me that she hasn’t forgotten). every song here is a banger. from the explosive “gutto kuru summer” (oh hey ano) to the slow and beautiful ballad “orion za” to the more straightforward j-poppy “IDOL SONG”, it’s all so fucking good, and it says a lot about seiko that I’d say this is one of my least favorite albums of hers. the star of the show though has to be the incredible “dogma magma” where seiko really shows off her most dramatic, art-poppiest side. leave it to her to put the thematic centerpiece of the album as the first track. thank god it’s all so good anyway. dogma magma

1. terror pigeon! - we will never run out of love!

terror pigeon has never been one to shy away from getting personal in his music, and this album is arguably his most personal yet. in the past his music has been mostly love songs in one way or another. songs about being in love, songs about loving your friends, songs about loving your life, whether you’re happy or sad, songs about feeling so full of love your heart could burst. as the title suggests, this is no exception, but in a lot of ways this is his darkest and saddest album yet. there is a sense of regret and loss throughout this album, but still a definite message to try to keep that feeling of love and positivity in your heart even when things are fucked up. there’s no better example of this than in the heartbreaking “arms”, where neil sings about losing a close friend: “I don't get it / I will never understand / how the good are taken from us / when I'm still only a half a man. / if there's no justice to it / and no bracing ever works / then how do I explode with love / despite all of this hurt?” if his previous releases were about the joy of love, this is a recognition of the realities of love. it doesn’t always last forever, and it can’t always protect you from pain. but even at the darkest moments, the love is still there. the final song on the album, “friends”, is one of the most heartfelt love songs I’ve ever heard, a love song dedicated not to the standard topic of romantic love but to friendship and the simple joy of hanging out with people who you care about and watching TV and eating pizza. a perfect end to a perfect album. chamber of secrets for 1 / more songs with keyboard solos

[g-gulo]

So you know that post where someone sells their soul to the devil in exchange for a friend? I was feeling inspired, and threw together what might be the first in a series of snippets set in the life of Buddy, who has no clue what he’s doing with his life and then hey, look, Satan.

Read on for a badly thought out summoning ritual

       First Encounters

 Carefully, Buddy aligned his old soup can full of Vimto in the centre of his arcane summoning array. Or at least, that’s what his Compendia Arcana called it: an arcane summoning array.  It was meant to be drawn in pure white chalk with beeswax candles at the points and a golden chalice of mammalian blood in the centre. Buddy didn’t have those to hand, so his array was drawn with a white Crayola crayon with more crayons burning at the points and an old tin full of Vimto in the middle because he didn’t even have any red wine to use.

He sometimes wondered where Thrift Readers got their stock from, because a book on summoning the unnatural and unholy was not a common find in second hand bookshops and yet here he was, wasting Sunday evening with dark rituals. Anyone else would have asked, but the shop assistant who was also potentially the owner of Thrift Readers was a bright, cheerful and outgoing person who thus terrified Buddy intensely. May liked to talk to customers in the shop, Buddy liked to avoid this as best as possible. He knew every inch of that bookshop not just because of the sheer amount of time he’d spent in there but also due to his habit of finding empty aisles and shadowed corners to hide from its proprietor in.

Still, without internet access outside office hours, books were a good, steady source of entertainment and even more so when they included fun little diagrams to sketch out on warped floorboards for fun. And tongue-twisting quasi-latin chants to invoke over said diagrams. Buddy figured anything was better than reading The Magician’s Guild for the nth time when he’d last read it sometime the previous week.

Then the lights flickered in what could only be described as an ominous manner and Buddy felt a very vicious chill bolt up his spine. The crayon lines were melting slowly, and the smoke coming off the smouldering wax seemed to be glowing. The Vimto began boiling suddenly and the Crayola candles were already turned into tiny piles of colourful slag, leaving behind tiny floating balls of fire where their burning tips had been.

Buddy stood in front of the bizarre spectacle, completely transfixed and very much incapable of moving. Or even thinking. His hind-brain was screeching very loudly at him but the rest of his cerebrum was ignoring it in favour of an excellent impression of a gaping goldfish.  An impression that endured the instant the delineated patch of his perpetually damp floorboards transformed into a gaping pit of scorching hot fire, dripping tar and noxious black smoke, and kept on going right through the moments required for that smoke to coalesce into a looming figure before him.

Thick, curling horns of char-black magma shot through with cracks of hot molten stone reached up to gouge sharp points into the moulding plaster of the ceiling, and hooves of heavy steel marred the wooden floor. The space between was filled, and Buddy’s flailing mind catalogued what filled that space in disordered snatches of observation. Broad shoulders of rusted-iron skin written over with sinuous lines of black ink that writhed under the eye and spread down and out, across the acres of bare skin on show. Equally as black is the fur on thick-set goat’s legs that on second glance appeared to not be fur, but fine, spiny scales that glinted with implicit danger. Slit eyes gazed down upon Buddy’s relatively small form with undisguised contempt, pools of dark blood in place of pupils and sclera. The horns grew above a face both classically handsome and terrifyingly harsh, and the swept-back long hair was again, more akin to delicate spines than anything you’d find on a normal person.

Buddy squeaked as the monolith of wrought fire-flesh before him moved to cross its arms before its chest.

“For what purpose do you presume to call me forth to this wretched plane?” The beastly apparition had a voice that was at once the whisper of snakeskin over supple leather and the screams of countless voices raised in a chorus of shared agony.

“Uh…” Buddy’s jaw worked soundlessly for a minute while his mind initiated an emergency reboot.

“Speak, before I lose my patience and be done with you.” Those thin eyes began to burn from within like the light of forge-warmed coals. “What do you wish to bargain for?”

Bargain? Buddy fixated on the word for a brief second before the penny dropped. Summoning, hellfire, bargains: he’d called up a demon, and now it was time to trade.

“You mean, um, what-” He swallowed nervously.

“What do you want, boy?” The demon thundered, “for what will you trade me your soul?” It cast its gaze around his tiny apartment. “Wealth? Power? Love?” The demon scoffed, waving a hand in dismissal of the trite demands of mortal man.

“A, a friend?” Buddy blurted out, still floundering in confusion. His brain was firing on all four cylinders and then some, but they weren’t firing in very good rhythm. Random snippets of thought and memory kept derailing his cognitive processes. Buddy regretted never going on the public speaking courses his college offered, he was sure he’d be better at this sort of thing if he had attended those seminars.

“A friend?” The demon echoed, and if it were at all possible, Buddy would have said it sounded slightly bewildered.

“…Yes?” Buddy squeaked.

“You, Buddy J. Jones, agree to give up your immortal soul in trade for a friend?” The demon narrowed its eyes as if unsure whether Buddy was trying to pull something over on it, or was just plain stupid.

“I think so?” It was technically a statement, but Buddy made it sound like a question.

“Sign.” The demon snapped clawed fingers and the air in front of Buddy rippled with an intense heatwave for a second before resolving itself into an ornate vellum scroll covered with sprawling archaic writings, stipulating the precise terms of the exchange being agreed to. A pen segued into existence next to the scroll and Buddy gingerly plucked it out of mid-air to scribble his name at the bottom, on the traditional dotted line. Refusing the deal never occurred to him, not with the hulking spawn of the infernal abyss glaring holes into his face.

“Done, done and thrice done,” the demon intoned, gesturing again to make the contract wink back out of reality to some unholy archive of mortal mistakes.

“Um, okay?” Buddy fumbled, entirely unsure as to what he had gotten himself into. The demon just gave a haughty sniff.

“Such a request as yours may take some time, you will be notified when the deal is fulfilled.” It informed him, before casting one last withering look at its surrounds and disappearing into the gaping hole of fire behind it in a raging torrent of fire and brimstone smoke.

[magma-paint]

Some Sun and Moon headcanons

Okay, mostly Guzma and Plumeria, but I’m gonna try and cover as many characters as possible. And of course, be advised for NSFW ones.

Professor Kukui is actually a distant cousin of Archie’s. They don’t talk often but when they do, Kukui is confused and disappointed that his cousin started an evil organization hellbent on expanding the ocean, but finds amusement that he’s dating the leader of his rival team, Maxie of Team Magma. But no, really, he’s glad his cousin has sought reform and found a partner he’s happy with. Kukui will still joke with Archie asking when the wedding is.

The closest thing Lillie had to a first Pokémon other than Nebby was a Ducklett named Odette. She let it go to be happy when it became a Swanna. She dearly misses Odette, though, and hopes maybe she’ll see it again.

Hau started watching El Tigre: The Adventures of Manny Rivera after finding out that Frida, like him, enjoys delicious sweet fried dough treats (churros for Frida, malasadas for Hau). Now he likes the show for the family dynamics and got Kukui to watch it as well. The two often joke who would win in a match: Kukui as the Masked Royal, White Pantera, El Tigre, or any other character adept at fighting.

Mallow would love to go on Master Chef or Hell’s Kitchen, but she’s a bit terrified of Gordon Ramsay in addition to absolutely admiring him.

Mina is a low-key hippie/stoner. That explains why she looks stoned the majority of the game. Although she’ll only tell her friends about essential oils and other medicinal herbs, especially hemp products that don’t come packaged with the bad psychoactive effects.

Sophocles and Molayne would be great at Cinema Sins. And Gaming Sins.

Gladion is a huge fan of Shadow the Hedgehog and you cannot tell me otherwise. Plumeria and Guzma are jokingly regretting the day they got him that plushie.

When the day comes that Kukui and Burnette announce they’re going to have a baby, Guzma will be the first and probably only one whose mind will go in the gutter, screaming “They had sex!” in his brain so loudly he has to look around to make sure no one can actually hear what’s going down in his mind.

When Guzma dissolved Team Skull, he watched people leave from the balcony of the Shady House. Once he was alone he snapped off his necklace and threw it away, just like how Ralph did in Wreck-It Ralph.

Type: Null (and Silvally to a certain extent) really doesn’t behave like a typical animal but it does have more canine mannerisms than anything. It also loves playing fetch.

Plumeria really does not like to talk about her family at all, having rejected them and making Team Skull her real family. Cliffnotes version is her mom was a raging alcoholic, her dad was a habitual cheater and pathological liar, and her two older sisters had mixed results. Her oldest sister, Chrysanthemum, did go on to become a successful fashion designer and own her own shop, and the other sister, Dahlia, pretty much ended up as high-school dropout, teen mom, freeloading trash with a rap sheet and won’t take any responsibility for her actions. But wait, if Chrysanthemum was the good girl, why doesn’t Plums just stay with her? Well, no matter what, Plumeria was always thrown to the wayside and she decided to look out for herself and eventually ran away from home to find some friends she could call family and treat just like a loving family. That, and Chrysanthemum scoffs at how horrible her family is and turned her nose up at Plumeria after finding out she got involved with Team Skull.

Lusamine has tried sexual advances on Guzma at one point. He wasn’t comfortable at all and post-Ultra Space he doesn’t want anything to do with her. No one knows exactly what happened but Guzma has confirmed she tried to get in his pants.

Lillie is actually a fan of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and relates to Fluttershy the most. Hell, Gladion got her a big plushie for her birthday to make up for not taking her with him away from the Aether Foundation.

Mohn doesn’t reminisce about Lusamine and the kids because it could be likely he suffers from some degree of retrograde amnesia after his studies on the Ultra Wormholes.

Ever wonder what’s going on when no one dares go in the arcade on Royal Avenue or in the Hau’oli Shopping Mall? All of Team Skull is spending their coins on the DDR machine. DDR just seems to be a thing they do a lot and something you gotta be good at if you wanna join.

Also, everyone in Team Skull has their nails painted. Everyone. Female grunts have the pinkies painted hot pink, the other fingers with black, and the Skull X on the thumb, male grunts have the thumbs painted electric blue, the other fingers black, and the Skull X on the pinkie, Gladion has his painted all black but with a red edge like Shadow’s color pattern, Plumeria has her index, middle, and ring fingers painted black, her thumbs fuchsia, and her pinkies yellow, and Guzma’s all black or a special color of polish that accurately represents Dark Eco.

Plumeria will not let Guzma go out with certain Grunts while bored, drunk, or impulsive. The last time it happened he came home with his belly button pierced (he kept it, by the way).

Acerola is a HUGE fan of Homestuck, and Rose and Nepeta are her favorite characters.

Guzma has been found to give Nanu volumes of Garfield comic collections for his birthday. Nanu has also said they’re some of the best gifts he’s ever gotten and he’ll read them with his squad of Meowth and Persian.

Gladion will deliberately show Kill la Kill to Lusamine during one of their video chats while she’s undergoing treatment. Either it’ll cause some self-reflection or she’ll blow it off.

Hau has been known to sing “Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride” while on walks with his Raichu. The result is adorable.

Ilima doesn’t care if people refer to him as a boy or a girl, he even likes to watch people try to figure it out. But he utterly HATES people turning everything into a matter of identity politics.

Wicke’s cup size is a DD at MOST. She really doesn’t get why she’s told not to look up art of herself and even more confused when she DOES look up art of herself.

Calling Plumeria flat-chested will get your ass kicked. She’s between a B and a C cup, and to Guzma that’s fun enough to play with.

Wicke is the aunt of Velma from Scooby Doo. She wants to visit her niece as much as possible and learn about her adventures but working for the Aether Foundation shoots that plan hard in the foot. They keep in touch by mail, though, and Velma has at least one wall of her room she plasters with postcards from Alola.

Faba is low-key gay for Colress, but he’s perfectly content with just hanging out with him or “partaking in gentlemanly endeavors”, as he calls it. He’s too posh for the term “hanging out”.

Yes, Team Skull is considered a family, but Guzma isn’t exactly a Father to His Men. He tries, though, but since he came from a sh1t family it comes across more as the older brother but mostly boss role.

Hala won’t admit he adores the “You’re welcome!” song from Moana. Not even after he’s been caught singing it in public or by himself.

Olivia has heard these jokes about rocks before and she hates them, so stop it: “That’s a leaverite, you leave ‘er right there!” “Oh, that’s an Indian sex rock. You know, another fucking rock.”

Guzma hates wearing jeans or other pants that have a fly on them because the edge of the fly digs into his belly button.

Not an excuse for her behavior, but Lusamine’s obsession with beauty stems from her own mother’s obsession with glamour and beauty. She wanted Lusamine to be as pretty as she could possibly be, and Lusamine is the one who took it too far, where enough screws came loose and she concluded that the only thing capable of achieving God Tier levels of beauty were the Ultra Beasts. Cue insanity after research on the Beasts became her undoing.

On that note, Lusamine is the daughter of Queen Barbee from Panty and Stocking. She took hairstyle tips and fashion advice from Stocking and Weiss Schnee, respectively, growing up, went to college with Gol and Maia Archeon and their insanity rubbed off on her, and took parenting advice from Medusa Gorgon and Ragyo Kiryuin.

Lana was endearingly nicknamed “Ponyo” as a baby. Only her family knows about it, though.

Kiawe has seen quite a number of burns throughout his life. By now he’s practically indifferent to any new ones he sustains and has even kept a record of how many he’s gotten. Currently he has dealt with 209.

Nanu once took an Espurr under his care and Acerola fell in love with it so much he eventually entrusted it to her.

Hala isn’t just Hau’s grandpa, he’s considered to be everyone’s grandpa, because wouldn’t it be cool to have a grandpa who specializes in Fighting Types, is an island kahuna, AND will mentor and help you become one of the best trainers ever? And still give it to you straight what you need to fix?

Plumeria has some of the most miserable periods ever, even on birth control. We’re talking an emotional trainwreck where she’ll either ragequit or cry at the drop of a hat and some of the worst cramps imaginable. When that happens, stay away and let either the Grunts or Guzma take care of it. The Grunts will usually try to make her some herbal tea or even cheer her up with some artwork and a pillow and blanket nest she can curl up in. Guzma makes sure to get back as quickly as he can with dark chocolate, the biggest toy panda he can find, and DVDs of South Park and Panty and Stocking.

It actually takes a lot to get Guzma to cry, but thinking about how Lusamine threw him away in Ultra Space and the fact he’ll never live up to his father’s expectations are the fastest shortcuts.

Wicke has tried to get Lusamine some help in regards to how she treats her children, but it usually got brushed off or denied. To say Wicke was tired of seeing Lillie and Gladion be treated like dolls, toys that could be easily disposed of when interest was gone, is the biggest understatement of the century.

Team Skull used to have rollerskates/rollerblades as part of the uniform. The lack of decent stretches of level ground where they could actually be useful resulted in the retirement of them, but they’ll still rollerblade near Po Town.

Lillie plays piano, and her favorite song to play is Chocolat. She had no idea it was from the Panty and Stocking soundtrack until Gladion pointed it out and then he had to explain the series.

Someday the news will cover what happened with Lusamine, which will bite the Aether Foundation pretty hard in the ass.

Mina has made so much art that Hapu has had to let her rent out a shed on her property to store it all.

Kukui would love to see the moves Precipice Blades, Origin Pulse, and Dragon Ascent in action. Even more so in Primal status. Although Burnette jokes that he wouldn’t be able to survive the intense nerdgasm that would ensue.

Hau doesn’t just have an appetite for malasadas, he also likes orange poached squash. Hell, he could eat a whole pan of it at once if you let him.

Mallow preaches that you don’t put pineapple on pizza. Olivia and Kiawe disagree.

One time Plumeria made better-than-sex cake for dessert, and Guzma half-jokingly and half-seriously said “Challenge accepted” to the namesake.

After becoming champion and their final battle, the player character will INSIST Guzma to stay at their place or Hala’s so he can get back on the road to becoming a great trainer and keep him out of his parent’s house and the toxic environment that created his anger issues. They care about this dork.

Hapu’s Mudsdale is named Big Macintosh and is capable of saying only one human word: “Eeyup.”

Although Nanu is a cat person, he really dislikes people shaming Absol for its tendencies and its infamy. He’ll take one under his wing in a heartbeat if he finds one.

As a little kid, Acerola was TERRIFIED of the movie Coraline. Now it’s one of her absolute favorites and what may have helped her gravitate toward Ghost types.

Plumeria’s Salazzle is kind of a brat. She’ll bite at your ankles if she doesn’t know you or if she doesn’t get what she wants, Grunts have complained of stomach problems caused by drinking from cups they left unattended as she left poison spit in the ones she drank out of, she has burned Guzma at least once when she tried to jump in the bath with him, and on occasions has given her own trainer poisonings, scratches, and burns when Plumeria tried to get her off the bed. But if anything threatens a member of Team Skull, it’ll probably be the last thing they do. She’ll also try to seduce you into giving her your food.

Guzma’s first Pokémon was his Golisopod. He caught it as a Wimpod when he was a kid. Every day he’d go out to the nest to try and lure the bug out with some berries and try to catch it, but usually with no success. One day he went back out there to get his mind off a recent whooping he got but all the times he failed to catch the Wimpod just kind of caved in on him and he sunk down by the hole in the rocks crying. The Wimpod came out, nudged his hand, and crawled in his lap to try and console him. As Guzma left to go home it followed him and since then they’ve been inseparable.

Burnette has partaken in the pet-shaming fad on the internet with Kukui’s Rockruff once. The cheeky little puppy had a sign propped against him that read: “I buried my human’s Z-Ring on the beach at low tide and he couldn’t get it until the tide went out again.”

Cynthia and Grimsley often get into arguments with Steven and Wallace over who’s the better Elite Four/Champion couple.

Red and Blue aren’t dating in the Alola games. It’s more of a “take your frenemy on vacation” outing.

When Lillie and Gladion were younger, they asked Wicke if she could be their new mama. By the end of the day Wicke’s chest was hurting from crying so hard.

Burnette’s team consists of Pokémon she brought from Unova; a Musharna, a Gothorita, and a Beeheem. The outlier is a Comfey she acquired when she and Kukui got married.

Sophocles’ Togedemaru thinks he was destined to be an alarm clock. Every morning at 5 he jumps up on Sophocles’ pillow and starts chittering loudly, quickly hopping as he does to emulate a vibrating cell phone.

Guzma’s Golisopod is highly protective of his trainer to the point he will attack anyone who tries to hurt him. This overprotectiveness stems from when it was a Wimpod and it couldn’t do anything about Guzma getting beat by his father with golf clubs. It really wanted to do something to protect his trainer and once it evolved it finally could, although it seems like a vast overcompensation. The two people that Golisopod will be very dangerous to approach when in the vicinity are Guzma’s father (if that bastard tries to lay a hand on that boy again this bug will fuck his sh1t up) and Lusamine (he didn’t even trust her to begin with and he was right all along).

Type: Null (and Silvally) loves having its belly rubbed. It even curls up next to Gladion while he sleeps.

Ryuki (the Dragon user who appears as a challenger for the Champion Title) used to be the Trial Captain at Poni’s Abandoned Trial Site. He quit the position to pursue his rock star career and by the time he returned he was no longer eligible to retake that position. Thus, the Trial Site remains without a Captain.

Guzma really doesn’t like Kahili or her guts. He always lost to her when they were kids because her Bird Pokémon held advantage over his bugs, and after his last battle with her she said he could train until he dropped dead from exhaustion but he would never be good enough and that he was absolutely pathetic. Kahili really didn’t care how talented Guzma was, if he never placed first in any competition he entered, he wasn’t worthy in her eyes. Not even the Dawn Stone he won for his first ever victory was warranted. To Guzma, Kahili was just like his father and that’s why he refuses to have anything to do with her.

Mohn is actually pretty damn strong physically and used to be in really good shape. After getting married, having kids, and the stress from his studies on the Ultra Wormholes, however, the pounds started packing on. Eating all those Poke Beans doesn’t really help.

Lillie made a lemon cake for Lusamine to commemorate her 4th consecutive week on the mend and showing good progress in recovery. Lusamine loved it and broke down into tears after Lillie revealed that Burnette taught her how to bake, going on to profusely apologize and vent her regret for not teaching Lillie or Gladion anything about baking or something they may have been interested in.

Tapu Cocoa has a similar history as that of hot chocolate’s evolution in Mexico, but what helped shape Tapu Cocoa is the fact it was a drink created in honor of the Tapus. Koko, Lele, Bulu, and Fini were so pleased with the respective concoction prepared for them as tribute by the mortals, that each kind of Tapu Cocoa was adjusted and perfected for consumption by all. On Melemele, the drink is prepared with a splash of coconut; Akala, often served with a strawberry tea cake or with crushed raspberry; Ula’ula, prepared with chile peppers; and on Poni, prepared with orange peel or served with a macadamia nut cookie.

The only way that Kukui can get away with the assumption that the Masked Royal is someone entirely different is that he can pull of the character well enough that the illusion stands. Unfortunately the player character can see right through it (he shouldn’t have spoke with his usual speaking pattern when the player got to Royal Avenue).

Headcanon voices of the Tapus: Koko’s voice sounds similar to the Guardian of the Cave of Souls’ from The Book of Life, portrayed by Eric Bauza; Lele’s voice would sound similar to a very serious Pinkie Pie from Friendship is Magic, portrayed by Andrea Libman; Bulu’s voice would be similar to that of the Cave of Wonders, portrayed by Frank Welker; Fini’s voice would be reminiscent of Rarity’s from Friendship is Magic, portrayed by Tabitha St. Germaine.

Guzma’s Golisopod and Plumeria’s Salazzle have an interesting take on the friendly rivalry relationship. They’ll fight each other and give each other sh1t, but they’ve got each other’s backs. Mess with one, you mess with both. And if left to their own devices they can restrain each other if needed (although Salazzle is the one doing the most restraining).

Golisopod, Salazzle, Rockruff, Silvally, and to a certain extent, RotomDex, are on the cock block squad; Golisopos and Salazzle to Guzma and Plumeria, Rockruff to Kukui and Burnette, Silvally to Gladion, and RotomDex to the player.

Kahili comes across as pushy and having no time for anyone’s antics, but in reality she pushes herself to perfection way too hard and blows off people who try to help her. She’s so focused on trying to be the best in the golfing world that when she eventually cracks under the pressure she’ll have no idea how to get back on track or reach out for help.

The tattoos that the Team Skull higher-ups wear are actually made from a cosmetic paint that’s highly durable and can last for a whole year. Hence why they easily disappeared post-game, Guzma and Plumeria scrubbed them off (and it took 2 and a half hours straight to scrub them off).

Faba can admittedly be very cocky about his position, which he may have been able to get away with while Lusamine was running the Aether Foundation, but Gladion can easily one-up him and put him in his place.

The whole squatting thing among Team Skull actually started with Guzma. The guy suffers from quite a bit of back pain, which stems from all the times he was beaten by his father. His hunched over posture, not only a sign of someone who’s been browbeaten to the point their self esteem has sunk to the lowest doldrums, is the result of poorly set broken bones that have since healed over (Plumeria and especially Hala hound him on getting into a therapist to get that fixed as soon as possible) and when he does stand up straight his back cracks very loudly. While hunching over helps the pain a bit, in the long run it makes it worse; the pain also seems to worsen while sleeping in a weird position, slouching while sitting, or during sex on some occasions. The only thing that really seems to help his back outside of Plumeria cracking his spine back in place while lying face down is squatting down when he needs a break from standing. Some Grunts asked why he squatted down when he needed to rest and he just responded “It helps my back and I just think it’s cool.” Cue the Grunts joining him and soon it was a thing all across the team.

The Seafolk Village in Poni Island takes a lot of cues from Adabat from Sonic Unleashed as the two locations are in close proximity (at least a 5 hour boat trip). Probably explains why the night theme sounds like it was inspired by the Jungle Joyride night stages.

The old lady in the trailer that Plumeria and some other Team Skull members live in post-game is actually a very grandmotherly family friend of one of the Grunts. She’s helping them get back into good standing.

Mimikyu could disguise itself as any Pokémon it pleases if it wanted, but it sticks with imitating Pikachu because of it being the mascot and because it wants to nab a share of all that glory and attention.

After battling Lana, the reason why she doesn’t pop up again until after the player is crowned Champion is because she took the boat near her house to go look for Kyogre. She didn’t find it, but she made friends with a lot of Water Pokémon out there.

Despite Plumeria sounding irritated with Guzma post-game, she’s actually worried sick about him. When she does meet up with him again she can’t even pretend to be mad at him, she’s just so happy he’s okay and is actually brought to tears when he reveals he’s taken Hala up on his offer and is back on the road to becoming a great trainer again.

Personal Headcanon! Based on my experiences at the Hau’oli Battle Buffet, I don’t think my character could actually eat 5-10 servings of a single item in one go (whenever I see text like “You got _ plates of (whichever food)” I tend to think the plate size reflects the average plate size at American buffets—they’re big, about 12” in diameter). So, I like to think that once I’ve gotten my haul I actually share my food with my team.

Adding onto an earlier headcanon, Plumeria and Kahili didn’t like each other at all either especially because of his past with the latter. After Plums went through the Elite 4, Kahili mentioned Guzma and that Plumeria could do better than him. Plumeria got so angry about her attitude that she had to give her a verbal dressing down and once Kahili found out that Guzma got HURT by his own parents for losing, she actually felt sick to her stomach after remembering everything she ever said. She still fears it’s too late to apologize even behind her cutthroat demeanor. And if she attempts, man will Plumeria have to serve as the most patient mediator ever. Apologizing to Plums is one thing, apologizing to Guzma is another.

Gladion won’t admit it, but he likes it when Hau invites him over to his house. One time he brought over his console and some Sonic games for a sleepover and it was the most fun he’s ever had.

Olivia has encouraged Mallow to make her own YouTube channel where she makes videos about her latest recipes. While Mallow hasn’t made her channel at all—besides, she’s too busy with her duties as a Trial Captain--she still wonders about how well her show would do if she made it. She’d call it “Mallow’s Kitchen” or “Sugar, Spice, and Delish Tamato Slice!”

Kiawe would never have considered putting Wyoming on his bucket list of places to travel to had someone not mentioned Yellowstone National Park and the supervolcano slumbering beneath it. Now he’s gotta check that sh1t out.

Colress is a secret agent for the Aether Foundation.

Ilima was bumped up a couple grades because of his maturity and willingness to accept greater responsibilities as a Trial Captain.

Plumeria knows firsthand that the “skinny penis” joke associated with Guzma is a flat out lie.

Wicke jokingly checked out some Steven Universe episodes at Faba’s recommendation. One season later, she became infatuated with the series.

Guzma has a very bad habit of lying to his mother and he hates himself for it. The reason why it sprung up as bad as it did is because his mother, while well-meaning, is really none the wiser about her husband’s behavior. Mother asks about his bruises? Guzma says he fell on Route 3 even though the bruises came from, well, the obvious. Mother asks why Guzma can’t get out of bed? He says his stomach hurts even though he was hit so hard last night he was still in too much pain to get up. Mother asks about Team Skull? Guzma says he had no involvement even though the news HAD to have covered them at some point and may have footage of him. Even if he did tell the truth growing up what could she even do about it? Sit his dad down and talk about what’s going on and try to resolve it? Guzma still loves his mom, but he’s starting to get tired of her laze-faire attitude and naivety that would make Lianne Cartman look like she’s got her ducks in a row.

Ilima makes either sugar cookies or macadamia nut cookies when friends come over for tea. They just seem like just the kind of fancy cookies that would be served with tea, in his opinion.

Hau faced Hala first in his run through the Elite 4 and convinced him to go all out against him. Considering that Hala unintentionally scared Hau when he was little and refused to unleash his fury since then in battle, Hala took that challenge. At the end of their battle, both of them were crying as Hau went to hug him; Hau was proud of his grandpa for unleashing his full fury in battle, and Hala was proud of his grandson for how far he’s come and bringing his best.

Mina has always had paint in her hair. Finger paint, acrylic, oil, you name it. When you get super artistic from a young age you never really pay attention to where your painting tool goes outside of the canvas.

Guzma’s hair is hella SOFT. It’s like petting a cloud made of very plush microfleece. To keep it that way, Plumeria lets him use her shampoo and conditioner and he makes sure to wash his hair every other day.

Molayne likes to think of the frequency of his friends cussing on a scale from 1 (no swearing here) to South Park (they swear so much you’d think they need their mouth washed out with soap). Molayne ranks about a 3 (some swearing, but only as needed), Kukui is about a 4 (might need a stronger word on occasion for things), Sophocles ranks about 4, Hala ranks about 3, Hau is a 1, Nanu is a 6 (frequent low-key swearing to infrequent strong swearing) Plumeria is a 9 (uses stronger words very frequently), and Guzma ranks at South Park (he swears a LOT). The player character… well it depends on who you are, I guess.

The best place to get Tapu Cocoa is at the Observatory. Especially at dusk.

Guzma and Plumeria rarely get completely unclothed for sex because their outfits are just too comfortable. All they really gotta do is kick off their shoes and socks, Guzma will get rid of his glasses, off go Plumeria’s pants and sports bra, and Guzma just has to yank the front of his pants down, pull the crotch of her panties aside and stick it in. Plumeria also pulls her shirt up over one or both boobs for him to grab. Sex after showering or bathing only really calls for Plumeria to clip her hair back. Condoms only used to protect against STD’s since she’s on the pill (this is the only relationship they’ve ever been in, but you never know).

Sorry, Grunts, you may be sexually attracted to Plumeria or Guzma (it seems to be a rite of passage for a Grunt to find themselves attracted to either of them during their involvement) and you can fantasize about fucking all you want, but sex between the Grunts and the higher ups is off limits.

If you want to know how bad Ultra Space affected him, Guzma has had to confide in Hala and Nanu about a particularly bad nightmare he had one night about being tentacle raped by Lusamine as the Mother Beast. Sure, he’s had nightmares for a while as a result but damn…

Professor Willow is Guzma’s biological father. Because Guzma’s mother isn’t the most trustworthy in long-term relations, she was seeing Willow on the sideline while already in a relationship with the man she would later marry. Guzma was then conceived by Willow in a time frame so close to sex with the husband that the mother and her husband both thought Guzma was of the man we see in the game. The mother continues to see Willow on the sideline while pregnant and he’s well aware of her having an affair with him and tries to get her to just come clean to her husband and he’ll help mediate the fallout. She really doesn’t think it’s that big a deal. Willow takes her to the hospital and at birth it can be seen that Guzma’s hair is a dead giveaway of his parentage (black and white, just like Willow’s). The husband eventually finds out and puts two and two together when Willow comes over to see the baby. The mother gets caught with her cheating but still treats it like no big deal, Willow is forced to stay out of his son’s life indefinitely, and Guzma looks forward to a miserable life with this man as his father. If Willow could do it over again, he would’ve just walked right up to the husband, told the truth about the affair, and accept a role as a single father to raise Guzma on his own once he was born. Professor Willow misses him so much and he knows he’s going to have a lot to talk about with Guzma when he finally sees him again.

While going through some of Plumeria’s music, Guzma and Gladion found a couple of ‘N Sync CDs. Wondering why Plumeria listens to them a lot they decide to play them for the lulz. The next day they’re in the nearest media store looking for their own copies.

THIS WAS 10 PAGES OF HEADCANONS IN MICROSOFT WORD WHAT THE FUCK???

[pastelgrungewrecker]

Bitterness

When the fires, when the fires have surrounded you And the whole wide world's comin' after you. I've got blood I've got blood on my name.

There was something burning in his chest again; staring out over his collected “followers”.

What a title.

“Followers”, like he was some holy mech, some kind of God amongst those with mortality and lifespans that ended.

He ran a thumb over the darker colors on the plating of his arm, pondering and wondering and seething like the churning lakes of molten death in a smelter. He stared out over their meager setup, a camp for the lost and near-broken and he had to resist the urge to give in to the screaming in his processor.

Wouldn't do much for morale; seeing the Captain lose his processor with no obvious catalyst.

“Interesting colorscheme.”

What do you know. A catalyst.

Megatron frowned, staring at the too-tense back of Rodimus as the Captain stood stock-still. The visible edges of helm flares twitched, and the younger mech turned his helm just enough to see his cocaptain.

“Everyone needs a change once in a while.”, was the bitter retort. Acid rain and summertime magma flows encapsulated the words; they ground out like shrapnel in a motor's moving parts and Megatron's own plating rippled from the chill it sent through him.

“May I ask why?”

“Gotta keep with that fire theme, y'know? And the blue is the hottest part of an open flame.”

“I don't much enjoy sarcasm.”

“Get over it.”

Megatron was taken aback. This was... unlike the Rodimus he had come to know- The Rodimus more inclined to fake happiness than he was to give cold orders. A Rodimus who, more-often-than-not, favored isolation over public honesty and fatal optimism over reality.

“Rodimus-”

“Shut up.”

Megatron's frown increased in intensity as he stepped forward, reaching out to lay a hand on the colonymech in front of him, “What has gotten under your pl-”

Rodimus swatted Megatron's hand away as he turned sharply on one heel; his optics were on fire though his plating was cold and clamped tightly to his frame. Rodimus stared levelly at him for a moment; suddenly vicious and far too real for comfort, taking up Megatron's entire field of vision and the ex-Decepticon felt something cold settle in his tanks. He knew this look, he knew what happened when mechs tumbled off this slim precipice-

And it was never an easy fall.

“What's under my plating? A lot of things, Megs.”, snapped Rodimus, “A hell of a lot of things. One of 'em being YOU.”

“What do you mean Rodi-”

“That's CAPTAIN RODIMUS to you.”

A sentence uttered with a kind of ice-capped finality that made Megatron step back, optics narrow and frame braced for a fight.

“Don't pull this all-knowing and all-seeing omniscient slagheap act with me, Megatron. Don't act like a sage with me right now.”, snarled Rodimus, “Not when my crew is suffering, not when we're lost and betrayed.”

Megatron straightened, watching as Rodimus's servos curled into ready fists- razorblade lines of heat and rage danced over microseams as the Captain continued.

“Everything was fine, until Optimus saddled me with YOU.”, he hissed, “Everything was rough but FINE until he pulled that little stunt; until he dropped my WAKING NIGHTMARE onto MY SHIP. And I was told to play nice.”

“Is that what this act is about, honest-”

“I'LL SHOW YOU ACT IF YOU DON'T CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!”, roared Rodimus, seams bursting alight and dentae bared, “GO ON, TALK DOWN TO ME ONE MORE TIME.”

“Don't be an idiot.”

“I could say the same to you.”, was the replying hiss, “Did it ever occur to you to request separate transport? Request holding quarters until my ship reported back a success or failure? Or did you just decide to toss aside someone else's safety for your own? How STARSCREAM of you.”

“What are you talking about, Rodimus?!”, snapped Megatron, “I was near death, about to be sentenced to an execution- do you even understand what that's LIKE?”

“No, Megatron, I don't.”, was the suddenly and eerily calm answer, “Because I didn't get a CHOICE before mine.”

Megatron froze, swallowing hard and trying not to glance down at Rodimus's chestplate. Vivid memories of an airlock and the smell of burnt wiring suddenly surfaced, and Rodimus's smile was vindictive and cold.

“What's wrong, Megs?”, he asked with a faux kind of brightness; words gilded in patchy goldflake and tainted copper paint, “Somethin' suddenly on your mind?”

“I-”

“You.”, interrupted the young Captain, “Yeah, you. You, you, you. You and Optimus. You and Magnus. You and everybody and everybody and YOU.”

Rodimus took a step forward, “You, making snide remarks at every turn I make. You, criticizing my captaining abilities- and I'll be the first to admit they're negligent. But... Look who I had TEACHING me.”

Megatron took another step back.

“You, on my ship; by my side, in my own little world. How DARE you think you can just walk into my damn existence and feel no backlash.”

“Rodimus, I-”

“What, you're trying to leave it all in the past? Trying to 'move forward' and all that happy psychiatrist babble?”, snapped Rodimus as he advanced one step, then two, “Tell me Megs, what's it LIKE being able to move on, huh? Do you regret ANYTHING you've done?”

“Rodimus, of course I do- I wouldn't be here if I didn't.”

“If only you weren't here AT ALL.”

Rodimus was glaring at him, into him, through him- back at a gloomy ship and a split-second decision; back to when the world went dim then dark after the blast of a fusion cannon and back even further-

Back to when heroes were exposed as failures and back to when he realized protection was a foolish facade. A daydream at best, and that sacrifice was to be expected of him with no chance of healing afterwards.

“C'mon Megs. Tell me. What was it like being treated like you're real?”

“And how would I know? I was nothing but a miner in the eyes of most until I managed to form the Decepticons-”

“Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about. What's it like to be treated as REAL and LIVING? You think you're the ONLY ONE who tried to lead a resistance? Tried to fight for your chance to be acknowledged and treated like an actual person in the eyes of the Senate?”, said Rodimus levelly, coldly, angrily, “Here, let me tell you a fun little story, O Mighty Megatron. Let me tell you about Nyon, after the mines dried up and Primus left us in a lurch. Let me tell you about hiding the innocent and let me tell you about your life ending in a FUEL TANK!”

Megatron was not a mech who knew fear. It was not something he regularly acknowledged, nor was it something he often had time to ponder. But here, alone and facing a Rodimus who was leaking hellfire and righteous fury- he thought that he could understand where such things as fear came from.

“Let me tell you about dry mines and let me tell you about saints and saviors, Megatron. You AND Optimus played both with me- Did you think I'd forgotten? Think I'd forget hearing your slimy words mix in with Optimus's own oilslick speeches, huh? The both of you didn't deserve the time I wasted but HERE WE ARE! My time was not only wasted, but wasted on mechs who didn't DESERVE it.”

Rodimus looked near-feral and vicious as he continued speaking, “The both of you talk a real big reconciliation game, you know that? It's... Well, it's damned sickening.”

Megatron watched as Rodimus stood too straight, too tall; a glacier or the pits of the Inferno, Megatron couldn't decide which description was accurate.

“How dare you act like you deserve forgiveness from me.”, said Rodimus flatly, “How DARE you act like you deserve me accepting whatever you call an apology. Do you think that acting high and mighty and trying to play Teacher with me excuses what I had to go through? What you PUT ME through?”

“Of course not, Rodimus, wh-”

“No, don't talk. For once in your damn life Megatron; maybe you should listen.”, was the growled answer, “You told me, told all of us, that you did what you did to try and help those less fortunate. Then tell me- when faced with someone less fortunate...”

Rodimus stood too close, staring up at Megatron's face like a tomcat with bloodied teeth, “Why in the hell was your answer to kill 'em, huh?”

“It was not something I desired to start doing- but the situation I was in-”

“THE SITUATION you were in was being told to step the hell back and let us GO.”, snarled Rodimus, temperament shifting like mercury through hot glass piping, “And your answer was to murder me and kick me through an airlock. YOU KICKED MY CORPSE INTO SPACE, MEGATRON.”

Megatron winced.

“Do you know what it's LIKE, being dead?!”, snapped Rodimus, “Tell me, Megatron, do you know what it's like to be dragged back from that? And then to have people MOCK IT OPENLY. Tell me, do YOU know what THAT'S like? Since your suffering is just so damn PARAMOUNT to EVERYTHING.”

Megatron's optics flickered in a kind of blink as Rodimus backed away enough for fields to diminish, “I don't think you really GET what you've done, Megatron. Yeah, your little speech at your trial was fantastic, nice work! But I don't think you GET IT. You are on a ship full of mechs you directly affected. You were put on a ship led by a mech you DIRECTLY. AFFECTED.”

Rodimus's optics were the color of permafrost and the temperature of a planet's core, “We are your walking war crimes, Megatron. And you don't get to say 'I'm sorry' just to get another chance.”

Megatron looked away, “Rodimus, I understand that I have done unforgivable things. I understand this, acutely.”

“Really? Do you?”

“I wouldn't be here if I did not.”

“Then tell me, mister convincing, why the HELL anyone should forgive you.”

“Because I am at least TRYING!”, snarled Megatron, “That alone should be worth something!”

“Says who?”, said Rodimus casually, disinterest crawled over his face in the lines near his optics and the cut of his jaw, “Trying isn't going to make the scars fade. Trying isn't going to make our nightmares stop- make MY nightmares stop. Trying isn't gonna do a THING for me. Results will.”

“Oh, and I've shown no results?!”

“So far all you've done is 'respect my boundaries', and even then only just enough to play nice. Not ONCE did you take into consideration that you had no place being on my ship, Optimus's orders or not. Not once did you consider that your input isn't just unnecessary, but damn near UNWELCOME.”

“I was trying to HELP.”

“If you want to HELP then LEAVE.”, was Rodimus's answer. The very punctuation of the sentence itself seemed loud and overbearing, “You are the LAST. MECH. Who deserves to talk to me. Don't you get it? You kept saying you did what you did to help people, and LOOK WHAT CAME OUT OF THAT.”

“Oh, and you've had a line of successes, I suppose?”

“I didn't have help- you had an army. You had Soundwave giving you information, you had Starscream acting on your orders. You had legions, you had squadrons, you had an ARMY.”, said Rodimus, “I had a scarred sparckchamber, half a matrix, and Drift. Do you GET IT? You don't get to criticize anyone on this ship- and especially not me.”

Megatron watched as Rodimus returned to his initial place, glimpses of hellfire and anger still racing along microseams and peeks of flames at the ends of his servos as his fists unclenched, “I wouldn't be in this situation if you had never existed.”

“No, you wouldn't- you'd be dead in a tank, according to your words.”

“Which is where you and Optimus belong, for what you've pulled.”

Megatron jerked back at the blunt statement. Rodimus looked at him over a shoulder, his optics holding no mercy or emotion in them as the sentence hung in the air.

“Reduced to wishing death on others as petty revenge now?”

“Well yeah- not everyone gets a fusion cannon to shoot young mechs in the chest when they disagree.”

Rodimus turned away from him, “Now go away, would you? You make the chamber scars itch.”

“One last question, Captain.”, said Megatron, drawing up to his full height, “Would you have killed me too, in Brainstorm's position?”

“No.”

“Oh, really?”

“No, I wouldn't have killed you immediately. You don't deserve that kind of mercy from me. I'd make you suffer first.”

Megatron's expression fell. He could hear the bitter smile in the words as they were spoken, could see Rodimus's servos twitch at the idea. He watched the young Captain's back, saw the sudden relaxing of his stance and wondered, vaguely, just how deep this hatred ran in the normally positive mech.

“But then, there's that damn sense of obligation, you know? Since I'm supposed to be one of the Good Guys and all that.”, laughed Rodimus, “There's this little whisper in my helm saying I'm better than that, that I haven't fallen that far- I haven't fallen like you.”

He shook his helm, “And then I try and tell myself that it wasn't YOU who put Zeta in charge of Nyon; it wasn't you who drained my people for the sake of superweapons... But. The reason we needed superweapons was because of your war.”

“The war was not only me.”

“I know. That's why I despise you and Optimus equally.”

“The Senate-”

“Yeah, yeah, the Senate. I've heard it a thousand times. I know they are why you did what you did. That doesn't excuse that what you did was wrong, and that no one is obligated to forgive you for anything. Ever. So get used to it, Megatron. Get used to this.”

“But-”

“Don't try and blind me with your stupid poetry and speeches. Don't try and make this into 'I'm Trying and That Means Something' cause I already told you. Trying does NOTHING for me. Just lets me know to keep a closer eye on you. Make sure my nightmares don't get a repeat performance; cause this time I don't have a stray Matrix to bring me back.”

Megatron fell silent.

“Now go away. Leave me alone. You aren't welcome near me; and I'm not sure you ever will be, either. My ship was supposed to be the means to escape you and Optimus and the war and all it's fallout but you two decided to bring it along with us. Go... bond with Magnus about how terrible I am at being a Captain or something- Primus knows the pair of you won't make an effort to help me. Why would you do that when I'm just such perfect comic relief for the pair of you?”

Megatron opened his mouth to answer, and then closed it. He wanted to retaliate with something, anything to make Rodimus's claim less true and to his horror- had nothing. Nothing to comfort, nothing to calm- nothing to say. He stared, near helplessly, at Rodimus's back and let the Captain's words settle into his processor.

How many times had he demanded results- writing off attempts and trying as excuses? How many times had he demanded recompense for his hurts and wounds? It was only natural Rodimus do the same; but why did it feel so personal?

“I didn't..”, began Rodimus suddenly, quietly, almost forlorn, “I didn't get a movement to save me and mine. I didn't get a Terminus to tell me I could change the world. I didn't get to 'unify the people' and I didn't get a chance....”

Megatron was silent.

“I didn't get to stand up, not until I had to push the button. My first experience with this war, your war; you and Optimus's war, the Senate's war, whoever wants to own that particular sin... My first experience was everything and EVERYONE I ever knew... going up in smoke. You never had to do that. You never had to whisper your goodbyes and run, Megatron.”

“I did with.. with Terminus.”

“And then you got him back.”, said Rodimus, “Tell me Megs. Do y'see any other Nyon-mechs here?”

Megatron's tank seemed to implode. He suddenly realized what his reunion with Terminus looked like- at least to Rodimus. He couldn't imagine what it was like, seeing the mech who ended you get back something he wanted more than anything in the world; while you sat in silence.

“And... And I'm not even asking for them to come back, anymore. They don't deserve a broken world like this- I just wanted a chance to say goodbye. Say I'm sorry...”

Megatron's spark hurt.

“To tell them I didn't mean to lose my way.”

Megatron wanted to say he understood that, if anything- but paused. Yes, he also had lost his way, so to speak but... had he lost his way in this hopeless manner? He hadn't turned to apathy- instead he had turned to anger, righteous anger...

But this?

This... emptiness that rang in Rodimus's words spoke of old priests and politicians watching a world they once loved burn into nothingness. This was the last soldier coming home; this was the sound of cold medals hung on a chest carrying nothing but a broken spark and a promise.

A promise that had yet to be fulfilled.

“Rodimus... I'm. I'm sorry.”

“Noted, Megatron. Leave me alone.”

Megatron nodded his helm, turning to take his bootstep-heavy pace away.

“Remember what I said, would you?”, called Rodimus as almost an afterthought, “Even though I'm sure you and Mags are gonna gripe about what an emotional mess I am, and how hard it is to deal with me- Remember what I said.”

Megatron grunted in response.

“A shipful of war crimes, Megatron- and all of them are almost as bitter as me. Good luck on that reconciliation- you and Optimus both. You're gonna need it.”

Rodimus listened as Megatron walked away, that sense of hopelessness that painted his words infusing him through and through. His spark hurt, his frame hurt, everything was sore and surrounded in that familiar iciness of never-quite-dead and with a sigh he sat down.

One day, one day he'd be able to say everything. One day, he'd be able to say what he needed to.

One day, Nyon would forgive him for what he had done.

He closed his optics.

But he wouldn't blame any of them if they didn't...

He was used to shouldering guilt by now.

[monkeyscribbler-blog]

THE HUNDRED

Two days after getting laid off from my last job, I woke up, walked into an Irish pub five blocks from my apartment, took a seat, and didn’t leave for nine hours.  It was here, after six proper pints of IPA and three shots of Jameson, I first became aware of the transcendent beauty of a bar. It unveiled itself to me, a fleeting vision of the Virgin Mary to a Mexican peasant farmer. The mysterious, moody browns in a bottle of Woodford Reserve. Patron Silver’s intimidating squat, daring eye contact. The embossed decanter – Sherry? Cognac? – peeking out of the middle shelf, evoking memories of grandma. To extend my entry into this higher level of enlightenment, I humbly ordered another shot, deciding upon Jim Beam, the fuel of blue-collar America (according to movies). With total understanding that comes only with daytime drunkenness, I watched as the bartender skillfully turned the bottle over, releasing a silent, smooth pour into the endless void of my glass.

It was the prettiest shot I ever saw.

Shot 1:

A twenty-three-ounce can of Coors Light, on the other hand, is not intended for shots. It gurgles out its beer, reluctantly, as if questioning your decision (along with everyone else you know). Immediately, my one-and-a-half ounce shot glass, the one with “Welcome to Jamaica” embossed on the side, overflows. Examining the beer that has spilled upon the wood floor below, my cat pauses, and then decides it is worth lapping up.

The shot is cold, carbonated, harsh, delicious. This is less beer than I usually consume in a single sip, and years of conditioned drinking immediately make me want more.

Taking ninety-nine of these is not going to be a problem.

•

I've never done The Century Club before, or, for that matter, any college drinking games: beer pong, quarters, asshole, that game where everyone sticks a card to their forehead and bets.

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Indian Poker. What this game has to do with Indians is still with research.]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The editor is just a sober version of the writer.]

[EDITOR’S NOTE: The editor is unaware if you can put three editor’s notes in a row, and if so, which punctuation you use to separate it.]

While other nineteen-year-olds were exploring the vigors of fucking under black lights and constructing six-foot high bongs from root beer cans, I was hiding inside a dorm room with my Seventh-Day Adventist roommate. At the time, I considered my support of his weekend lock-ins to be a result of my ceaseless selflessness, always putting others ahead of myself. Years of reflection (aided by New York’s finest bartenders) revealed the truth to be more mundane: I was insecure, with a mild case of social anxiety.

Without intentionally trying to insult your expertise in vice, I’d like to inform any of those unaware that The Century Club involves drinking a shot of beer every minute for one-hundred minutes straight. (A Google search for “The Century Club” reveals a surprising number of disparate definitions for this club. It is a club for those who have traveled to 100 or more countries, had sex with 100 partners, cadets who have marched 100 hours, FIFA players who have played 100 or more matches. It seems the drinking beer Century Club is the least impressive club even within the realm of Century Clubs.)

The Century Club makes the most sense in college, when you have one class a week (which you miss) and compete with your roommates to find creative ways to get drunk as quickly and cheaply as possible (jungle juice). It becomes less useful as an adult, where a drunk face accompanied by passionate conversations about how awesome it would be to have Gatling guns for hands no longer entertains your roommate, now called a wife.

So why am I doing it now, at age 33? A man can only take so many baby showers, 401(k) statements, cholesterol tests, and $115-dollar-a-ticket musicals featuring singing monkeys before The Century Club becomes a self-evident way to reverse lingering regrets and stake a claim in the country of man. In fact, it may be the only way. So I bought two cases of beer, called my friend John, set up a sanctuary in my small Brooklyn apartment, and started consuming beer from a shot glass, one minute at a time.

The following is a live transcript of what transpired, written under the increasing influence of these beer shots.

•

Shot 2 - 10:

Despite my early enthusiasm, the next nine shots go down with unexpected and worrying difficulty. I can already see where the challenge will arise as I continue on my path towards collegiate immortality: Time. Minutes just aren’t as long as I seem to remember. Sure, I can drink a lot, but at my own pace. This pace is forced; a war prisoner’s march through a hot Filipino jungle, not a jaunt through the local park. I also begin questioning the amount I ate this morning. A friend who tried this before ate too much sushi before his attempt, and said it messed him up, so I didn’t really eat. But now, it seems my stomach has shrunk. By shot seven, i'm Googling “belly blow up”. Fortunately, the results assure me stomachs rarely explode, which I confirm via a linked MythBuster’s video clip in which they unsuccessfully try to explode a dead pig’s stomach with an infinite amount of Coca-Cola and cherry Pop Rocks. Did you ever see the movie Urban Legends? It wasn’t very good. I think they did something with Pop Rocks and Coke in there.

•

Shots 11 – 20:

The shots are small, but maddeningly frequent. Chinese beer torture: Shot. Pause. Shot. Pause. Shot.

My quest to add this accomplishment to my impressive drinking resume is already becoming doubtful. I’m swallowing the shots, as I would a glass of water, which is the only way I know to consume foods and liquids. (Which gives my throat a chance to approve or disapprove of the size and type of material that shall pass its gates, ensuring I don’t swallow an entire chicken wing.) John says I should be shooting them, not drinking them. The truth is, I am too much of a pussy to shoot anything. Open the throat and pour it down, John says. I try it, start to cough, spill more beer. This is going almost as poorly as the time I tried my first beer bong, viewable on YouTube under the title “World’s Worst Beer Bong Ever”. It seems I am a decent drinker until it reaches competitive status, at which point I revert back to a terrified little school boy.

John has inherent advantages in this quest that quickly become apparent. First, he has done this before. (He was in a fraternity. I was in College Bowl.) Second, he’s big. The kind of big where a shot glass in his hand seems like a pen cap. Third, he’s from Rochester, New York. I’ve never been, so I’m not sure what that means, but I imagine if there’s anywhere where men regularly do Century Clubs for fun, it’d be there.

I’m pretty sure Alice the kitten is drunk.

•

At age 12, I developed a serious acne problem. Pimples raised off my skin like magma bubbles, and it was critical I correct this issue, quickly, as my emaciated 135-pound body, replete with heavy eyewear and history of poor fashion choices, already had me reeling in the complex social orbits of the 8th grade universe. In response, my doctor blithely prescribed tetracycline, an antibiotic he'd been using since he became a doctor sometime during the last Polio outbreak. I blame this medical failure on doctors failing to appreciate that an acne diagnosis as a youth is the emotional equivalent of a cancer diagnosis as an adult. Your fragile mind is devastated on all levels. The fear of mockery in front of Michelle (Imagine: A smoldering, four-foot-seven-inch seductress, very good at naming state capitols) or Tara (Imagine: A playful, innocent blonde with a talent for woodwind instruments) was a terror perhaps only felt by the mice my science teacher regularly dropped into the snake tank. These fears scar you worse than the acne itself, resulting in a stunted development of self-confidence, a problem never truly conquered, no matter how much money, vaginal experience, or success you accumulate.

The inherent problem with Tetracycline, beyond its utter ineffectiveness, was actually masked by an altogether different problem: as a hypochondriac-in-training, I was certain I would choke on the 50-mg pills I was prescribed. This choking fear had manifested itself throughout my childhood, such that at this point, I had only swallowed one or two pills ever. But the acne had to go, even at risk of death-by-pill-choke. I initially tried cutting the pills in half, then swallow them. This proved unworkable, as the jagged edges of the cut pill scratched my throat upon the swallow. I tried dissolving them in water. I tried eating them.  Eventually, I realized if I drank a huge gulp of water with a pill thrown in I could swallow the pill, though even getting to that point took about eighteen terrifying minutes a night.

In the end, none of it mattered. The doctor's lack of imaginative, or accurate, treatment resulted in little improvement. The acne remained for another year, before the wondrous drug Acutane rid me of it forever. (While simultaneously ridding me of a functioning liver, lower pancreas, and left kidney).

•

Shot 21 - 30:

We've encountered our second serious barrier. Neither John or me are able to figure out how to count all the slashes on the napkin that is acting as our semi-official scorecard. Because drunk college kids aren’t known for their responsible administrative skills, when we looked online for rules to The Century Club, it didn’t mention anything about scorekeeping. In drunken retrospect, we agree we should have invited a third as an official counter. As this exercise has taught us, two things you quickly lose when drinking is an ability to count, and ability to make marks that you will later be able to count. The good news is I’m definitely in some sort of zone. It’s that drinking twilight period where the alcohol begins to eliminate worries and improve confidence. (In my past, this confidence has gotten me to believe that I could take a 6’8” bouncer, walk 40 miles home, and, well, drink 100 shots of beer.)

•

In college, I was a basketball referee for the university’s intramural league. This was a bad idea on many fronts, most notably that I was trying to impose rules upon people who were either my age, or older, and often times in class with me. Watch an NFL, MLB or NBA game some time. Notice that the referees and umpires are without question a minimum of ten years older than the players they are supervising. This guarantees a certain amount of respect. Granted, America is certainly no Asia when it comes to respect for elders, but there is still a lingering regard that serves as a buffer between player and regulator: grey hair means wisdom. When you strip this age gap away, you have the situation I was in. Players would ignore my whistle and continue to play. They’d call fouls on themselves. If they didn’t like my call, they’d look at me curiously and drop the ball at my feet. These disagreements would find their way into classes and parties.

I quit after the fall season was over.

I imagine this is the same reason The Century Club doesn’t call for a sanctioned referee. Unless you are able to find a fifty-year-old willing to sit and watch you drink one-hundred shots of beer, you are stuck to someone your own age. And someone your own age is probably drinking with you. This is why there has probably never been a fully accurate Century Club ever.

•

Shot 31 - 40:

The minutes are flying by. To prove my point, apparently writing “the minutes are flying by” took a minute, because John just announced the next shot. John is very non-descript when he speaks. Just informs me. Like he's telling me that my cable bill is due. To further prove my point, these are all the notes I have from those ten shots.

•

Shot 41 - 54:

Not sure what is happening here. It is 5:33 PM. Not sure where we are on the shots. Not sure I can type, actually. I'm definately drunk. Why is Microsoft Word underlining definately? Am I spelling it wrong?

[EDITOR’S NOTE: Yes]

This fucking spell check is like an evil fucking warlock. You can’t trust it. What is the difference between a warlock and a wizard? I wanted to say wizard but then chose warlock. What about a sorcerer? What is that? How are they different? What is a female warlock? A Warlockess? I know sorceress works. Jesus. It seems like John calls "shot" every fucking second. Seriously, he must be fucking with me. This is not every minute. No chance.

I have no chance of hitting 100. No fucking chance. I just gotta hit 70, cause that seems cool.

Amazing. Before trying this. 100 shots of beer sounded like nothing. I thought I'd have no problem. But this is definately added up. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Fucking stop underlining definitely!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: It is definitely.]

I know it is right!!!!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: It isn’t.]  

fuckers.

•

When I was in fourth grade, I hung out with two middle-school kids, Scott and Eric. They introduced me to the secretive game of Dungeons and Dragons, which seemed to me akin to time travel. My parents were troubled with the arrangement. They knew as adults what I didn’t as a kid: eighth-graders shouldn’t want to hang out with fourth-graders, unless they couldn’t make friends with other eighth-graders, which would indicate some sort of social adjustment issue. Regardless, the advantage was that I had access to well-seasoned Dungeon Masters who would spend weeks planning elaborate adventures, pitting my Level 4 thief with high dexterity against the challenges of deceitful innkeepers, purple dragon knights, and beguilers with multiple spells. I spent an entire fall on one adventure, racing home after school to jump back into the world of paladins, water forests, and underground castles, which certainly beat the other world of math homework and shoveling up the dog shit in the backyard. To this day, this is the reason I have such strong opinions on the differences between shamans and duskblades, particularly after fifty-one shots of Coors Lite.

•

Shot 55 - 62:

Food is helping. Not sure if that is allowed in college level. But true Century Club means no pissing, no food, no anything. But that's bullshit. I'm 38, i Make the fucking rules. That was nice just now. Capitalizing the M in make. NOt sure why. But the .

hmm. forgot the sentence there. Jesus. Another shot. One sec. I got a second wind. but then lost it.

This is like sixteenth wind. Now I feel like i'm gonna puke.

Just got an update. shot 59.

•

At some point in college, once I ditched the Seventh-Day Adventist roommate and started experiencing the miracle of drinking, I was filmed while drunk. This was in the mid-nineties. Film cameras were around, but rarely in the hands of a broke college kid. Usually, you only saw film of yourself at important (boring) events, when parents would be filming: high school graduations, birthday parties, grandma visits. Because I had never seen film of myself living real life, I had created a vivid picture in my head of what I looked like and how I talked in these instances. During the filming in question, I was maybe six beers in, sitting at a table with two of my roommates. In my mind, we were having a clear, rational conversation about sports. I distinctly remember it being very subdued.

Then I watched the film about two weeks later. I was slurring, standing on a chair, talking loudly, and laughing. It was a completely different reality to what was in my head.

It was then that I forever became aware that the minute you think you aren’t drunk, you are.

•

Shot 62 - 72:

Hmm, not sure why I wrote 5:50. It is 5:47 Pm.

small m. I'm definately getting a small wind. I swear to all of you, those of you who read, those of you who don't read, those of the small children of people who wear undergarments, and to the walrus professors, if this fucking this underlines hmm or

definately one more time i'm gonna fucking freak. why is i'm underlined? cause it isn't a capital I? fuck this system. fucking grammar fucking nazi fucking

carpet fucker.

•

Have you ever sky dived? I haven’t. Pussies don’t sky dive. We’d spend every second in the air mortified that the parachute won’t deploy, and once proven that it did, the remainder of the time worrying that we were going to land in water and die. We didn’t play Little League as kids out of fear we’d get hit in the head with a fastball. We don’t scuba dive: Sharks! Moray eels! Regulator malfunctions! We don’t eat carpaccio (stomach worms), use public toilets (AIDS), or visit the inner city (stab wounds). We don’t like to ski (avalanche) and certainly not ski jump (obvious). We keep stickers on products that say “please do not remove this sticker”. We put trash cans in front of our bedroom doors when we go to sleep, because an intruder wouldn’t expect it.

It is with this in mind that The Century Club becomes a larger achievement. I am overcoming a fear of shots, alcoholism, hangovers and ruptured stomachs. I’m a regular Sir Edmund Hillary of drinking.

•

Shot 72 - 81:

Jesus. The benefit here is that the drunker I get the easier it is to take shots. I'm in respectable territory. 7yso shots. whoops. 70 shopts. FUCK. 70 shots. power hour accomplished. stomach doesn't feel good. lik a little gnome is digging a grave in there (i am not drunk enough to forget that gnome needs a g, unlike nome, alaska. not sure if that is right).

Jessie is talking in Babylonian sanskrit.

[EDITOR’S NOTE:: Jessie is John’s wife who showed up midway, unamused.]

Not sure what is happening here. Concentration is difficult.

Stomach hurts.

discussion has turned to the golden anniversary, which john assures me is 75 shots. what are all of those? the diamond anniversary, golden, hairy beaver, etc. stomach is hurting,. not like in vomit level, but in like it feels like Seattle is sitting inside of

it. All of seattle. the drunker i get the better chance i have.

hey: fuck you!

•

I’m the patron saint of missed opportunities. Unfortunately, the awareness that an experience is in fact an opportunity usually doesn’t form in my consciousness until about four minutes after the opportunity has already passed. However, this doesn’t stop me from returning to the scene of the opportunity after those four minutes to see if I cannot correct my mistake and actually grab the opportunity, if it is in fact still there. Which it never is. Sometimes I’ll linger at the scene of the opportunity for hours, such as the time I hung out near the bathroom at a house party, reeling in guilt from my previous missed opportunity of talking to the most beautiful girl at the party, who was trying to strike up conversation with me, to which I was unaware, assuming she was directing her conversation to someone else, until the point where I actually had to go into the bathroom, concluding a period of very awkward gestures on my part. Despite resolving to redeem myself by looking for her the rest of the night, she had, in fact, left.

And so it is, four minutes after quitting Century Club, I resolve to re-join it.

•

Shot 82:

Drunk just happened. shot 81, but our recording has been off. stomach hurts. full, nauseus, everything.

can't go much longer. we busted out the music, hope

that helps. literally. at this very moment, right around the second l of literally, i got drunk. i am fuly drunk. can't spell or think right. hurting. not sure ican take another.

bakc in the game.

tapped out for four shots. the amount of beer cans is amazing. reminds me of stephen upstairs. taking a bunch of shots doesn't mean much. but when you see the cans you realize your accomoplishment. amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. usually that means one-legged people scaling mt.

everest or women going to mars, but now it means

mark anderson drinking 100 beers.

•

I’ve never achieved anything of real note. Mostly, I’ve assembled a life that would’ve have been great in 1955: I graduated college, I pay my bills, I visited Europe, I’m not fat. But any real accomplishments – selling a screenplay, playing Division I college basketball, swimming the Atlantic – have not been in the cards. That isn’t to say I haven’t gotten close: I was almost on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and got into the third interview of an available writer position for The Onion. But I’ve always been a fourth place kind of guy … that guy in line at a club that reaches maximum occupancy when he reaches the door. So rather than upgrade your achievements, you eventually learn to change them. Get published? No, but I will get drunk. Get into the 40/40 club? No, but I will get into The Century Club. And I’ll take as much pride in that as Barry Bonds did with his.

•

Shot 83 - 91:

[EDITOR’S NOTE: There are no intelligible notes for this section of the Century Club]

•

Shot 92 - 99:

i need someone other than jesus to say where i am right now. usually jesus is enough but not tongith. usually jesus is for before 80 shots. this is for past that. i need some new savior. like from the egyptians. Io. i think that is the god of the sun or something. so now, Io. Dear Io, I am hurting.

[IO’S NOTE: Be strong, like my bosom]

Stomach is full beyond capacity. Literally, this is like putting a 27 inch cock into a woman. Just can't take anymore. That's what i'm doing, only i'm the woman. Some fat greasy hairy guy is sweating on top of me trying to stick it in. and more than anything i want

him off. oh, there was a good burp, helped me. i might not do century club in 100 minutes, but i'll fucking do it you assholes. Dios Io!

I’m close.

•

When I was in the eighth-grade, my best friend at the time convinced me to join my school’s cross-country team. Now, I neither liked running nor the country, but I was impressionable, and running seemed a whole lot easier than volleyball or la crosse or the other sports in school that needed people so bad they took whoever signed up without even needed try-outs. So I bought a pair of New Balance and hit the ol’ cross country trails in the canyons of northeastern San Diego.

It wasn’t long before I realized I had a fatal flaw when it came to cross-country: The closer I got to the finish line, the less I felt like running, until I’d almost stop and walk to the end. I’ve always been content with getting close. The actually finishing is just a forethought. Which is why I’ve started fifty different hobbies over the years: trumpet, acting, basketball, but ended all of them when I got “ok”.

There is no such thing as “ok” in the Century Club. Either you cross that finish line, or you are out of the fraternity for good. Even as a 38-year-old.

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Shot 100:

Guest blogger Jonh Graham, as I am unable to continue with my blog due to drunkennesss. I sjust ended 100 shots, and i don't think you will believe me, so i need esxplanation from John:

[EDITOR’S NOTE]: There is no explanation from John. The transcript ends here.