#my personal vendetta with him. hes done so much more than that i dont get how he can just try callin me outta nowhere

[bingotime]

google how do i release my pent up rage and fury caused by my father attempting to contact me.

[fonulyn]

wait hi so is leon an alcholic or not cos i cant write the guy struggling if i dont know what hes got issues with

no, he is not.

the answer very much depends on who you ask bc half the fandom has decided that yes he is just because he dares to have a drink. i swear to god the attitude people have about alcohol...

personally, I am always going to say no, he is not. does he use alcohol as a bad coping mechanism sometimes? sure. but that doesn't mean he's an alcoholic. i've personally dealt with a shit day sometimes with a bottle of vodka but it doesn't make me an alcoholic and it doesn't mean i can't (and regularly do) go months without a single drop of it.

canonically we see or hear of him drinking:

in the og re2 he was hungover and missed his first day. his girlfriend broke up with him and he dealt with it by drinking too much. he was also 21, and probably went through a big heartbreak, so even if it wasn't the most solid decision who could blame him.

he takes a sip from JD's flask in Damnation. after the licker attack. that, in my opinion, is more his way of sort of toasting JD, and it's not like he's trying to get drunk. even if he was, a flask that size? good luck trying lmao.

at the end of Damnation he's pouring himself a drink. he just survived a massive ordeal, so honestly, so would I. I'm only including numbers 2 and 3 to be thorough bc I don't even think he was even close to being drunk in either instance.

he is drinking in Vendetta when they come get him at the bar. he's alone, he's on vacation, and he's dealing with yet another traumatic incident (story of his life lmao). he's holed himself away to deal with his shit in private, and if it does involve alcohol in inadvisable amounts? he's an adult he can do it if he so pleases. would there be better ways to deal with things? sure. does it make him an alcoholic? hell no.

just. using alcohol occasionally as a bad coping mechanism does not make someone an alcoholic. there is absolutely no indication in canon that he can not function without alcohol, or that his life revolves around it in a manner that would be concerning. he's an adult who sometimes drinks. end of story.

that all being said? if you want to write a fic where he struggles with alcoholism? go for it! fiction exists so we can put them in situations that are not 100% canonical. i've done it myself too, i have a couple of fics where i wrote him a (recovering) alcoholic because it fit the story i wanted to tell and the themes i wanted to explore. it's not wrong at all, and you can use what's in canon to extrapolate that and it can still be very plausible! you don't need to limit yourself because of that :)

what gets on my nerves is the fandom tendency to act as if it's god's word that he's absolutely an alcoholic no matter what bc how dare a person have a drop of alcohol. it's different to explore it in fic (or in art) than to claim that it's an inherent part of canon when it's not.

[dracoria-azucar]

Supernatural DSMP things that are probably connected and I live in fear of

-- The Crimson

 Literally a man-eating “egg” that’s hundreds of years old and craves world wide domination. It’s sentient but not omnipotent. It makes more sense that it’s actually a plant bulb rather than an egg because of it’s vines, but I mean that might just be meta aesthetic junk. There’s something inside of it? Hatching has been mentioned as something we “shouldn’t worry about”??? Huh.

- Church Prime / Tommyinnit

The holy lands are immune to the growth of the Crimson. The cultists feel unsafe when standing within it’s borders. It’s holy water has been shown to purify individuals exposed to the Egg directly and the armor lining the church walls have been used as “Hazmat Suits”. Tommy, who is one of the churches founders and Prime’s “chosen”, is the only character explicitly CONFIRMED in canon to be immune to the effects of the Crimson naturally. The Crimson has a personal vendetta against Tommy specifically. Dream has a personal obsession with Tommy specifically. Why does this kid have so many connections to freaky eldritch beings.

- Ranboo / Dream

We still have no idea what the “other half” of Ranboo is. Ranboo refers to the state he enters when being manipulated by Dream as the “Enderwalk” which doesn’t clear any of that up! But Dream had a shield in the final disc confrontation that’s pattern mimicked the white half of Ranboo’s skin. And Dream referred to the Enderwalk State as Ranboo’s “other half”? So which “half” is actually Ranboo? And why is the other one inclined to obey Dream’s orders if it’s just a normal Enderman???

- Jschlatt

What the fuck happened to this man. Who the fuck was this man. He just walked onto the server, won a presidency, succumbed to political corruption, became an alcoholic, and then died of a heart attack? Why the fuck did he just HAVE the equivalent of a necronomicon??? Now he’s just gone and seems incredibly reluctant to be brought back. Does he even HAVE any answers? It’s equally likely that the bastard just found the book on the side of the road or some shit. We just don’t know anything about him and may never get the chance. Fuck.

- Ghostbur

WHO IS HE???? Too many people have glossed over the fact that Ghostbur is literally his own character! Alivebur exists separately to this man who looks like him and sounds like him and has 75% of HIS memories? Where did he come from?? The most likely explanation is that he’s technically PART of Alivebur’s consciousness that came back to deal with the unfinished business that Alivebur didn’t WANT to deal with. But we don’t even have any real conformation of that outside of them not being able to be in the same place at the same time outside of Purgatory!!!

- The Inbetween / Karl Jacobs

Everything about this place seems too good to be true. People have already pointed out the aesthetic ties it has to Ranboo’s character. I don’t trust it. It’s portraying itself as a safe space for Karl to learn about his own powers that he has for some reason. “DONT STRAY FROM THE PATH x96″ YEAH OKAY BITCH SOUNDS FINE TO ME?? Totally not the voice of an alternate timeline Karl who fucked around and found out shit that was too much for his human mind to comprehend! 

- Foolish

Mans is just a Demigod, like, canonically. He is a minor deity of life, The Totem God, and he’s just vibing in a desert building a temple in his own honor. He hasn’t DONE anything plot relevant yet? But BBH has made the terrifying implications that KILLING him canonically will grant the killer an extra life???? HELLO????? Please keep my boy away from like 99% of the server thank you <3

[angelathewitch]

Okay I just finished the ACOTAR series for the first time and I have so many thoughts so I'm gonna write them down.

Also I have not looked at any fan theories or been a part of this fandom very much so all these headcannons are straight from the noggin:

Literally what the fuck is tamlin doing.

Okay getting this out of the way cause its a hot topic. Azriel is my baby I love him but

I would have mixed feelings about him being with both gwyn and Elaine. I love the idea of Elaine being azriels sunshine he deserves light in his life (also their scene in ACOSF had me ejdjbdksks) but also all three bat boys being with all 3 sisters rubs me the wrong way idk.

Gwyn is amazing because she's a badass bitch and if azriel doesn't snatch that up I will. I feel like azriel almost gets bulldozed over by the other bat boys (like he will do the dirty work only because he feels inferior) And I want gwyn to help him stand up for himself.

Gwyn is an adult jfc. I'd be more worried about her trauma.

I am totally a elucien shipper I'm SORRY lucien deserves the world

But at the same time I would totally understand if Elaine couldn't forgive him for his involvement in the cauldron business. That shit was wack. I just want this relationship to be the biggest, most "period drama esqe" slowburn.

I have very mixed feelings about lucien. On one hand lucien has never had a home and when tamlin took him in I can see how that loyalty blurred the lines of right and wrong. But at the same time lucien messed up MANY times where the archeon sisters are concerned.

Nesta deserved her kick in the ass because it was needed. She did not deserve everyone to be a little bitch to her. It felt like feyre was the only one who wanted her rehabbed for nestas sake. I definitely would have preferred Nesta to hit rock bottom and choose recovery for herself (cause alcoholism and things can only be truly solved through self help) Everyone else was uncharacteristically nonempathetic. Idk how Cassian could be okay with her treatment after they mated.

I'm still digesting Rhys and nestas relationship. I like that they don't like each other for most of ACOSF. Nestas reasons for treating feyre poorly are valid, but not excuses. The feyre, Nesta, and rhys relationship thing is weird cause I see all sides. I need more feyre and Nesta bonding they always get interrupted.

I HATE what SJM did to Mors character. What the fuck is up with mor not liking Nesta. Maybe we will get an explanation in the next book but I feel like mor was set up to be a great LGBT character with himbo allies but SJM just dropped her off a cliff. Big mad.

However I do want eris and mor to end up together. Not necessarily romantically, but I want them to have it out and I want eris to support mor. Kinda want them to be mates. Kinda want eris to be gay as well. Kinda want them to get married and them have consorts.

WHY does everyone treat feyre like a porcelain doll when the IC has more collective trauma than anyone else in this universe. Don't get me wrong I'm all about the hurt/comfort but it was so inconsistently written LOL. When the IC was telling their stories the first night they met and then feyre told hers I cackled like sorry but she is a baby

Rhys's trauma is just as recent as feyres... yeah he's a lot older and seasoned but oh my GOD he was consistently assaulted for 49 years. Feyre does very little to comfort him. Idk I feel like it was SO glossed over.

Like in ACOWAR feyre admits that amaranthas hatred wasn't personal it was general, unlike Tamlins hatred. But amarantha and rhys had multiple personal vendettas against each other. Like his amarantha is vaguely feyres tamlin. Rhys didn't even get to kill amarantha. His trauma is untapped. Rhys is the main character feyre is the love interest idc

Idk what yall say rhys is my baby my lovebug my everything. He's got his flaws but you can't love Nesta and hate him at the same time without being a lil hypocritical

But he's fucked in the head for thinking he was justified in drugging feyre every night for 2 months. Almost more mad about that than the SA (I dont really blame Rhys since it is not cannon to me. SJM just messed up 😌 it was so out of character) did he ever really apologize for that??

ALSO I know smj wanted to write like #consentking but half of what he allowed was so unnecessarily dangerous (like the first AND second weaver encounter- if my SO ran off in the middle of a battle to track down a mysterious creature when the task could have been done after the battle I would have be livid. Mor was justified in being mad.)

I'm so mad rhys didn't flatten tamlin during the high lord meeting. Either it will happen in the future or I will burn these books.

THE BAT BOYS HAVE CONNONICALLY BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM WHILE HAVING SEX. the foursomes in my head gets clearer by the day

I HATE the fact that rhys almost had an existential crisis over feyre being so young when she found her mate and not having "lived" and THEN GETS HER PREGNANT??? Are you kidding me. I'm so mad. I don't wanna deal with babies. I hate babies.

But I DO have a fun headcannon that since the bone carver is a death-god or whatever he KNEW nyx wouldn't survive and that is why he appeared as him. Also when the bone carver offered to take feyres first born in exchange for help rather than the oroboughs I think that was also foreshadowing. The only reason nyx survived was because of Nesta and the bone carver had trouble seeing the cauldron.

((Maybe nyx should have died during the birth idk))

Literally I would have enjoyed ACOSF if instead of the pregnancy feyre was busy looking for bryaxis. Literally what happened to him. Wtf

I know the plot armor is crazy thick around the IC but it would have been nice if one of them died. Well, not nice, but more believable. Maybe thats why nyx should have died. Lol I need therapy.

FREAKING HEADCANNON: the archeon sisters are partially fae. Their mom was definitely a descendant and that's why all three sisters have mates. It was hinted that the sisters had mated because they were powerful and cauldron made but Cassian and rhys could feel the pull before the sisters were turned.

Tarquin is the hottest high lord

The whole blood rite thing was stupid. I would have loved if it was spread out over a longer period of time but it was so unrealistic

You know we all love a good #girlboss🤢 moment but the whole valkarie thing seemed 1. Out of no where 2. Really quickly forced (ACOSF should have been like 2 books) 3. If emerie and mor get together life=complete

The inner circle and ther archeon sisters would not get along if they weren't mated to like 50% of the gang

They're too whiny

It's so weird that the mating bond can only be felt by guys??? Lol wut

Okay I know this is a complicated subject but having LGBTs in a universe with mates based in evolutionary advantage seems more homophobic than having a universe without LGBTs LOL. Like their connection can't be as deep cause they can't procreate?? I did like that SJM made up for it a little by saying not all mates are complementary souls.

Hybern was so powerful and for WHAT. I don't understand

Vassa, lucien, and jurian being a trio is so weird 😐

I WANT A NOVELLA ON THE STORY OF AMREN AND VARIAN. They are my otp. If anyone has made it this far and knows of some good amren and varian fanart pls let me know

Okay that is all for now thank you if you read down to here xoxo gossip girl.

P. S. Also I am starting throne of glass and am having a hard time getting into it. Can anyone vouch for this series please I'm conflicted.

Edit: omg I was zooted when I wrote this and didn't realize my phone autocorrected cassian to Caspian RIP

[cnidocyst]

hey guys I'm posting my other EEnE among us au or whatever HCs

(Mostly skeld, some Polus, none Mira HQ i’ve barely played that map lol)

Ed:

-Always wandering aimlessly because he cant remember where anything is for the life of him. He's constantly distrusted because nothing he does makes sense.

-Clumsy and takes too long to get through tasks

- Usually dies in Electrical or Admin because he takes way too long to swipe his card and do that Electrical task with the 1 2 3 and you have to time it

- Constantly sabotaging, prefers it to picking people off one by one. Also crisis lures or whatever the playerbase calls that

- Overthinks murder plans he takes after the 19491.5 movies hes seen, but doesn't have the working memory to always execute them well. An "It came from Outer Ed" type situation essentially.

-Hates voting time because either his head is empty or no one believes him with how strange his logic can be. Constant vote skipping

-”But I was with electrical with them, and they didn’t kill me!”

-Also takes forever to do maze and telescope tasks in Polus. Always dying in the laboratory

-Wanders into specimen room for no reason sometimes

Edd:

- Is more focused on getting tasks done than paying attention to what anyone else is doing

-Drops everything if there's a crisis. Always taking over repairing lights and communications

-Always lurking in Medbay, Weapons, and Shields after he's finished all tasks

-IF he finishes because he's usually one of the first ones to die

-"I dont know who's impostor but does anyone have Medbay?"

-Probably lurks in reactor and communications as impostor. Convincing task faker

-Could convincingly pin the blame on a crewmate also

-Always checking vitals

-Doesn’t like voting for someone with little to no reason, thus dragging out discussion/voting time for longer than necessary

-This is the only Mira HQ one, Edd would love the greenhouse

-Sticky note lol

Eddy: -Constantly flustered during discussion and voting

-Very likely to get falsely voted off bcause he gets flustered when accused and also everyone hates him

-That guy who’s constantly peeking in and out of rooms that had more than one person to see if they died

-”Does anyone have electrical tasks left? Can two people come with me?”

-Can’t fix communications or turn oxygen back on to save his life

-Thinks he’s so smart but doesn’t think anything through that well.

-As impostor he tries to mow everyone down as fast as possible. Within reason. He’s not completely reckless

-Always venting but sabotage slips his mind

-That twat who kills the person next to you while you’re doing tasks, reports the body himself, and blames you for it

-His lies are a bit too fantastical, and Sarah and Edd always see right through those lies

-ALWAYS arguing with Sarah. He also kind of hates that she’s usually right in her accusations

-Probably also votes her off for fun even when he doesn’t think she’s impostor

Kevin:

-Almost always wrong in his accusations since he's both gullible and has a vendetta against the Eds

-Probably follows people around to make sure they're just crewmate then gets called suspicious for following everyone around

-Probably also shoves the blame of Eddy for murders when Kevin’s the impostor as much as possible

-Isn’t that sneaky and gets caught red handed half the time

Rolf:

-Very task efficient, gets done fast

- Won't resolve crises unless it's taking everyone too long or are too little crewmates left (if his tasks arent already done anyways. then he's one of the first ones there)

-Won’t leave people alone for the rest of the game

-Constantly ending up walking around in a small group after people see him following other people

-Can overlook bias, but vibes still have a huge role in his voting choices

-His gut feeling is usually right too, but you can’t really convince anyone with just gut feeling

-Pretends to be working in navigation after cutting off oxygen then kills you

-Always going after whoever’s in security

-Probably goes through the time and effort it takes to look innocent by resolving crisis incidents he starts and ignoring easy kills

-Mediocre liar, which works out fine for him anyways because he gains trust easily

-Not quite sneaky enough when it comes to venting, and gets caught venting a lot

Sarah:

-More focused on keeping an eye on everyone else than getting tasks done

- Shes usually right in her accusations but is less likely to suspect Ed and Jimmy and more likely to suspect Eddy

-That person who waits for someone to show up near O2 after cutting off the oxygen to kill them

- Constantly locking doors

-And again, always arguing with Eddy

Jimmy:

-Probably scared of Electrical

-Extremely convincing liar, constantly framing crewmates

- Sits in Security all day

Jonny:

-Usually dies first

-Extremely trusting. Of most people anyways. He doesn’t trust Eddy or the Kankers much at all

-Does tasks in the order he sees them in a list

-Probably calls emergency meetings just to say hi or check if everyone is alive

-Votes people based off vibes. Doesn’t pay enough attention to keep track of everyone

- "Plank says pick a God and pray" 🗡

-As far as I’m concerned Plank is one of these guys maybe:

Nazz:

-Values logic over bias in theory but isn’t perceptive enough to ever have much of a logical case in the first place

-’HURRY UP, WE’RE RUNNING OUT OF VOTING TIME”

-Better at lying than people expect. Uses everyone’s positive bias as leverage as well

-That being said, she’s overly cautious and makes slow work of everyone as impostor, and can be beaten just by everyone getting their tasks done

Lee:

-Just wants to watch the world burn

-Usually running around with her sisters

-Forgets to return to medbay after getting started with the sample vials task

- Accuses people for no reason. Could not care less if she votes wrong

-Has a positive bias towards her sisters of course. Has to be thoroughly convinced to consider voting Marie or May off. Will not tolerate seeing them get accused without proof

-Also positive bias towards Eddy. Gets annoyed that he’s always getting voted against with no proof

-Negative bias against Kevin

-Gets voted off a lot because she scares people. Tells Marie and May to avenge her after getting kicked out

-Crisis hell. Focuses more on reactor meltdowns and shutting off oxygen

-I’m generally thinking of these under 1 impostor circumstances but 3 impostors, all kankers would be chaos

-Speaking of multiple impostors, if you’re not another Kanker (or Eddy), she does not care if ur on her team she will let you get voted off

Marie:

-Most perceptive of the three

-Faster than Lee and May at tasks

-Will solve communication shutdown for you, not because she wants to be nice, but because watching someone struggle to get it back up is too annoying

-Asks people hard questions during discussion to try to pressure them

-Probably checks security, admin, and vitals a lot

-Usually the first of the three to get killed. If she hasn’t been voted off yet anyways

-Gets annoyed when other people accuse crewmates for no reason, but when Lee does it she thinks it’s funny

-Positive bias towards her sisters and Edd. Negative bias against Nazz

-Slightly more likely to go against May than Lee

-Also crisis hell as impostor. More likely to shut off lights or communication

-”hey do you need help with comms?” *stabs you*

May:

-Being the nicest sister barely means anything, she still has a lust for chaos

-Usually grouped with her sisters, yet barely ever gets visual tasks of her own

-Can never swipe her card right on the first try

-While she has a positive bias for her sisters, she’s more likely to vote Lee and Marie than the other way around

-Positive bias for Ed. Negative bias against Jonny

-Sabotages a ton just like Lee and Marie, but with less forethought.

-The impostor who mysteriously knows where the body was found without anyone telling her like nice try

[voidselfshipp]

Never Mess With A Terran

This happends during the watchdogs mission where wrench gets taken by the cops and dusan interrogates him and takes away his mask.

Tw: violence

Just me kicking the bastard who humilliated and treated wrench like shit plus stealing his comfort ítem

Ok to rb

♡♡♡♡♡♡

--Oh thank fuck wrench!--Jerico said running to her boyfriend hugging him tightly--You okay?

Wrench sheepishly hugs back, with blush on his cheeks--yeah I am, dont worry

--Marcus told me hes getting your mask back,mesnwhile me , im planning my personal vendetta, no-one treats you like that

The Man took his girlfriends hands shaking his head--It Will only make you end up in trouble, besides you got better stuff to do

--Wrench dont say that, I Will go and burn their shit down,all that shit that dusan said, not true,youre more than whatever you fighting with inside of you, I love you so much,youre an amazing Man wrench dont you ever forget that

--You better stop before I start crying --wrench smiles a little and kisses her.

--Ill wipe away your tears then

A clearing of throat makes both lovers look behind them, marcus smiles bumping fists with jerico--mind if I talk with your boyfriend Real quick?

--Not at all, I have to go anyway--jeri looks at wrench--see you back at the hackerspace-- she kisses wrench's birthmark above his eyes, then the tip of his nose then his lips--love you

--Me too

She said her goodbyes and leaped off the tall building, only to rise and fly like a bird with her dragon wings.

--Everythings ready?--Jerico asked through the commlink.

--ready when you are--romina answered back--naga Will join you if things get sticky, good luck

Jeri sighed and rolled her shoulders back, and Walked into one of dusans Office near the place where they had wrench detained before.

--Oh and you must be jerico--dusan said-- im only telling you...if you even lay down a finger on me,your boyfriends gonna pay and its gonna be very expensive--

Meanwhile the dedsec team was watching through the cameras, wrench's mask visor turn into a '^^' --do you think shes gonna give the speech?-he asks

--What speech?-- marcus inquires.

--The whole " im a goddess"?

--Defenetly

Jerico shook her head-- okay buddy, lets clear some things up--in one swift step jerico had grabbed dusans collar and Slammed him against the glass panes-- I am Draco, the goddess of willpower...my family is full of dietys who wouldnt think twice before snapping you in half if you even dare to touch my loved ones, in my past life ive served more wars than you can think of and seen horrible things..--she shook him--if you think I should be scared of you, youre wrong...and ID advise you to take cover or run before this place blows up Sky high

She let him go and dusan ran away , she smiled proudly and winked at the camera.

Wrench couldnt help but feel all gidy and fuzzy.

--Okay rascal boot up the explosives lets get this done

As jerico left the place it blew up behind her, she then returned to the hacker space where wrench picked her up and pressed his mask against her face--Thats my girl! Thats my girlfriend right there! You made him shit his pants

Jer smiles putting her hands on his masks cheeks and kissing it where his lips should be--No one treats my baby like that

The mask visor displays two hearts as the Mans shoulders go down and he coos--I love you so much! How about this,I have some coffee and some tea, after drinking em we go blow some shit up, how does that sound?

She smiled and noddes--Lets do it!

The rest of the team gave both lovebirds some space,wrench looked at jerico who was too busy with her phone--I love you

--Me too wrench...me too

[kaguraspetsims]

[[MORE]]

Hey guys sorry for the absence, work has been...shitty. like, it's making me so depressed and anxious that I'm losing sleep. I'll tell some stories in a second but like for those of you who want a tldr the assistant manager training me has some personal vendetta against me for some reason and is literally making my life hell.

So, just so we are clear: I have worked at this store for 1 and a half months. I dont remember if I've ever said the company I work for but I will say it's a pizza place.

At this store we have the store manager (call him R) and 3 assistant managers (P, A, and me).

A has been at this store for 2 years, P is the one that trains new AMs. A became an AM like...half a month ago. I have no prior experience in this company so I'm trying to learn the basics PLUS manager stuff.

So to try and keep things easy to follow, after my first week or so there P has me sit down with her and she asks me how I am able to learn better. I explain to her that I need positive reinforcement and I need to be told if I'm doing something wrong when I'm doing it wrong so that I dont form bad habits and have to relearn things. I also explained to her that I have short term memory loss, which is the reason I'm so unconfident when trying to portion toppings.

The gist if what she told me was this: I learn fast and I need to stop second guessing myself bc that slows me down and therefore slows the whole process down. And I was like yes I will accept this is true and try to do better. She also said she'd stop answering complicated questions I had, which I understood as anything that could not be answered with a yes or no.

So the weeks are going on and I learn several things about how this place works out.

I am short, shit is taller than me. I'm told to ask for help when I need it.

I quickly learn that when I ask for help, depending on what it is I'm asking for and how her mood is, P will get irritated as fuck with me for asking. Example: we have guides on how to build certain food items. Theres a lot of shit on the menu. The guides are very hard for me to reach. So when I ask for help getting a guide so I can try learning the build, I either get it tossed at me or I get told what to put on it in a disappointed or irritated tone. (Keep in mind I'm not being told the portioning for these toppings unless I ask for those too, to which I get an annoyed "I don't know off the top of my head.")

So I decided that if I have a question about what goes on what builds, I will try to list off all the toppings I remember and be like "that's what's on it right?" I figured this way they know I'm trying to learn them, I'm retaining at least SOMETHING, and if theres an ingredient or two off they can correct those.

Yeah the last time I did that P turned around and totally ignored me. And it turns out I was correct about all the toppings on it.

Now skip to about a week and a half ago, I'm finally learn how to stretch dough. Every time I have tried to stretch this shit has been during rush. At this point I have only worked rush shifts, which are shit for training, but when I've come in earlier I learn how to prep food, and so I literally dont get a lot of one on one time with someone who can actually sit there and train me. And when I DO have the chance to have one on one time, it's usually with P and she usually leaves me to make as much as possible while she goes to the back to chat with people who are waiting to take deliveries.

I end up getting so frustrated that I start taking shit out on myself, basically telling myself that I cant do anything right and that I've peaked and that I'm never going to get better. I tell P this and she tries halfheartedly to get me to breathe and keep going.

Mow skip to this week. I'm told I will close Monday and Tuesday (yesterday and the day before) I'm told I'll be trained how to close.

Monday comes up. I get there at 5:30. A gets thre at 5. We work thru rush and A tells me he will stay with me till P gets there around 10 just in case we get a night rush. Keep in mind this is P's day off and A had offered to help train me since he was already there.

So 10:30 rolls around and P finally shows up. She comes inside only to tell A he should have left at like 8 or 9. You know. Leaving me alone on my first closing night when I still cant make an entire one pizza on my own under 3-5 minutes.

So A leaves. One of the drivers is there bc he has to be (we can call him T). P tells T hes going to do most if not all the cleaning so she can show me how to do inventory and enter shit in the computer. She says when he finishes he can leave ahead of us bc we were (supposedly) going to be there for a few hours.

So for about 2 hours I'm told how to find things on the computer and finish inventory. Most of those two hours is just me entering shit in the computer or her talking on the phone with a friend.

At one point she says to T that shes just teaching me computer shit now, and on Tuesday she'd teach me how to break down and clean the area where all the food is.

At 12:30-12:45 she says shes going to leave and for me to call her when I'm done counting money so that she can tell me the rest of what I have to do. This sends off panic bells in my head. Not only has she NOT FINISHED TEACHING ME SHIT, I'm about to leave a store by myself in the middle of fucking nowhere with no overhead lights. I felt unsafe leaving the gamestop I worked at during the night even tho there were parking lot lights and usually small crowds at the walmart next door, and I never left that building by myself.

So I'm just ask "can T stay so I'm not leaving here by myself and I dont risk my safety?"

The response I got was basically P saying she forgot I was weak and fragile. So she decided to stay and fi nng ish helping me on the computer, which, btw, was another 15 minutes or so of her staying???

Also fun news I get at this point is that P will NOT be closing with me tuesday night. I'm on my fucking own with T! :)

So then I'm helping clean shit bc apparently we're behind (it's like 1 am at this point) and P (who did the entire food area by her damn self) finally leaves around 1:15. T has been really nice and stays with me to help me put the last of shit together before we leave.

I dont get home till 2 monday night.

Skip to tuesday night. I get in at 4:45. A and P are there. Ahas been told by P he MUST leave by 9. She leaves at like 6:30.

I learn a few things after she leaves from multiple people.

A has been here 2 years, and P not only stayed with him till 3 am breaking every little thing down and showing him everything, but he ALSO was given the opportunity to close with her for about 2 or 3 nights before he closed by himself.

I have been there an entire month and a half, got told how to do ALMOST everything ONE time, and the very next night I'm closibg hy myself.

I have trained for (almost) 2 hours how to close at this point. I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I start getting order after order. The drivers are out doing their jobs so I'm literally in the whole store by myself trying to figure shit the fuck out bc i was basically left to fend for myself. Spoiler alert, I'm not very fucking good at this.

To make a long story short, a bunch of shit went wrong tuesday night. T is trying his best to help me learn things, but he doesnt know how to do everything bc hes not in a manager position. He even says to me at one point "it just seems like you've been set up to fail." Granted I was complaining about the fact that I didn't get fucking training, but he said that shit on his own. He pointed shit out that I had been thinking about.

Again, skip to about 3 am. I have my final call with P. She proceeds to tell me several things:

You should not be there more than an hour after close.

Your inventory variance should not be that high.

Just finish up what you're doing and leave, what's done is done and what's not is not.

Then she asks me "do you see what you need to improve on?"

At that point I nearly snapped. How the FUCK can I know what to improve on when theres no one there to give me fucking feedback?? I dont know what the fuck I'm doing. I literally scrambled all fucking night to ATTEMPT to do shit right which, apparently, it still wasnt good enough. I was given a whole ~2 hours to learn ALMOST everything to close. R doesnt get out when he closes till about 2 hours after the store closes, so why the fuck am I being picked on when I had fucking not even 2 whole hours of training?

I have never EVER told myself to quit without putting in a two weeks notice before. I'm going to talk to R about this shit before I just up and leave at this point. I'm attempting to find another job in the meantime but the toll that these past few weeks has had on my mental health is just fucking astounding. The last time I had that kind of a meltdown after work was a year ago when I worked at the fucking kennel and a dog got hurt and no one answered me.

Oh, btw, that kennel? The one owned privately by a single person, that wasnt a franchise or anything? Yeah, as much as those communication skills sucked, it was leagues better than the communication at this establishment I'm at now. And that's saying a fucking lot.

[dreamingdolls]

I’m tired

CW: Lots of swearing because I’m done and meh, it’s a coping mechanism of sorts.

Tired. Fatigued. Exhausted. Whatever word you wanna use. A bunch of things both big and small have just been stacking up way too much over the past months and fuck it I need to vent and let it all out.

I’m tired of my mom going full fucking Karen with this pandemic, ignoring all the advice and regulations put into place and just about ridiculing me when I want to make sure I stick to them myself.

I’m tired of this guy in our gaming group constantly making snark remarks and jokes at me because he’s still hurt I dared not name him by name and instead list him as an “etc” (context: We splintered off from our WoW guild to play XIV, and wanted to ask if others wanted to join us, so I listed the people we play with there). You had been inactive for two months dude. I’ve already apologized but you’re still convinced I have some vendetta against you.

I’m tired of this friend who I’ve listened to his problems and tried to give advice to over and over and over still insisting on calling me dude when I’ve fucking told him I don’t want any male-gendered words directed my way. No I don’t care you use it as a “gender neutral” term. I don’t. End of story.

I’m tired of my mother claiming she’s oh so supportive of my being trans because gasp!! She doesn’t outright disown me for it!! Still deadnaming me and telling me I have to pretend for family and her colleagues though. “Oh but I’m only deadnaming you with my friends because I don’t want them to ask difficult questions.” Cool, if it’s all in my best interest, I say stop it, and if they do ask, idk, maybe fucking call them out on their bullshit and actually show you are supportive.

I’m tired of helping people achieve their goals in the games we play only for them to then turn a blind eye when I have a goal that requires group play. When I play with pugs more regularly than our actual group because yall got what you wanted how the fuck do you think I feel.

I’m tired of living in a world where it’s a nightmare to be autistic. The autism isn’t the issue. How people will treat you for it is. I’ve seen fake-progressives going all “don’t use the r-word” then turn around and use autism as an insult instead. Well fucking done. And you wonder why I just stay quiet. God fucking forbid my autism shows.

And on that note, I’m tired of being told shit is problematic and then nobody bothering to explain why. I’m tired of being afraid to even ask questions, because simply asking feels like it’s already going to get you fucking cancelled. Hi. Yeah. I’m autistic. I need shit explained *clearly* in words that don’t keep contradicting each other.

I’m fucking pissed off that I’m always there for people when they get shit news but when my father mailed me some weeks ago he never wants to see me again nobody even fucking bothered to ask me if I’m okay. Hell most people probably forgot because I didn’t make a huge scene out of it. Is that what it takes to get a fucking pulse? Yes I hate him. Have done so for years. But fuck me it’s still my father. It still fucking means I’m now never even going to have the chance of mending anything there.

I’m angry at this group I used to play with, that mine splintered off from, telling me I abandoned them cause I mostly play with my own group. I was literally the only one from the group that once was still trying to keep in touch with you guys and the thanks I get is a fucking “we dont want you back”. Fine. I can see why everybody wanted to get rid of you guys.

I’m tired of getting fucking abandoned by everyone. I can only make plans to play Overwatch with you and have you neglect it so many times. I can only hear you say “oh I’m gonna chill to end the night with these people” this many nights, like thanks, apparently us playing isn’t chill enough. I can only have my hopes raised only for them to be dropped that many times.

A special fuck you to the person who after lots of protesting got me to install LoL to play it with them, then one night after I bit the bullet and played Overwatch with her friend group, total strangers to me, we played my game and she told me I had upset her after accommodating to literally anything she wanted - she wanted to play HotS on US where I don’t have my full character roster despite the fact I played LoL on US for her so she could have her roster, it wouldn’t have made a damn difference for her cause she’d be new to HotS either way, then handpicking mode and what character I should play to best work with her pick and everything - and then just after half a year friendship and entrusting a lot of our personal lives to each other just randomly deciding to remove me off her friend list. Never explained what I had done wrong that night.

Fuck it, I’ll just admit it. With my other groups seemingly having decided they no longer wanted to play together I saw her as my best friend. Maybe even developed a crush. We literally played LoL every fucking night until like noon my time cause of time difference, laughed on voice chat and everything. And then bam. Gone. Just like that. I know she’s not gonna read this but fuck it. I miss her despite the anger I feel writing this.

I’m tired of being nice to people who turn out to be hateful.

I’m. So. Goddamn. Exhausted. And all of this needed to get out. So there.

[midnight-circus]

another bullshit meme

from sidebloggable

answered for logan and lucius bc i dont talk about my big dumb idiot enough

and im actually gonna answer for their original Fable timeline bc ive been feelin nostalgic recently

Their physical weak spots

Logan - depends on his age and/or stress-levels. He has a fair amount of upper body strength from swinging twin swords around all the fucking time, but it wouldn’t be ridiculously hard to overpower him if you could disarm and get hold of him - however, he’s fast, agile and extremely skilled, and it’s getting hold of him in the first place that’s the issue. In the middle of his reign, on the other hand, his body condition takes a dramatic dive - he’s pretty severely underweight and loses a lot of his muscle tone, and it really wouldn’t take much at all to best him. 

Lucius - Lucius is a big, heavy mercenary who fights with a broadsword, so it’s hard to get the best of him in a one-to-one melee fight. However, he’s missing his left eye and is deaf in his left ear - subsequently if you use a little bit of stealth and come at him hard and fast from the left, you’ve got a pretty good chance of getting the jump on him. He’s also into middle-age and despite having decent reactions, a younger man of the same build as him might just pip him to the post.

Their emotional/moral weak spots

Logan - oh god lmao. Logan’s a mess, but his primary emotional weak spot is his siblings - be they his original two (hey queenie and dorian) or Morgan. I think he feels a bond that’s closer to paternal than fraternal, and I think the only way he can really justify to himself the pain he puts them through is telling himself he’s doing it for them. ok honestly, he will do fucking anything for them. at the climax of the revolution, the primary thought running through his head is how fucking proud he is. be nice if he said it out loud every once a while - hell, itd be nice if he’d just asked for some fuckin help before causing the literal death of hundreds of people - but yknow. thats just going one step too far i guess

Lucius - he’s a bleeding heart. when Morgan and his little band of rebels rock up in the Dweller village, Lucius is already there running supplies up and down the mountain to them; he watches way too many kids starve to death, and joins up with the rebels in order to lead them through Mourningwood. then he gets a crush on morgan’s little bitch face and just like. never leaves lmao. He’s easily blinded by injustice and gets worked up really quickly when he sees wrong being done - it can lead him to act recklessly or thoughtlessly at times.

Scars or painful spots

Logan - asides from the obvious scars across his lips (fencing wounds when he was a boy), he took some nasty damage from the Crawler during the three days he was trapped in the Auroran cave - he’s got a network of scars on his back that look a little like lashmarks. they hurt when they’re touched and he Does Not talk about them. he’s also got a few other scars here and there on his arms and chest from miscellaneous scraps and scuffles, and he has a deep puncture scar on his abdomen from an assassination attempt, but the less said about those the better.

Lucius - lmao Lucius is literally missing half his face to scar-tissue. he was attacked by a dog as a boy and it left him heavily messed-up. he’s also a merc, as i said, so he’s got a lot of miscellaneous old wounds but nothing quite as obvious as the ones his face. 

Best places to kiss on their body

Logan - oh, the neck, bitch. he’s also kind of a slut for being kissed on the insides of his wrists; anywhere vulnerable, basically. if you could kill him there, kiss him there. freak-ass bitch.

Lucius - dude just likes a nice traditional french kiss man nothing crazy. but also definitely give him a blowjob. i know this question said kissing but lets be real thats kind of a kiss.

Guilty pleasures

Logan - he reads really terrible novels. like…really terrible. he pretends he’s reading something highbrow and intellectual but its actually a shitty romance recovered with something suitably acceptable and nobody can know

Lucius - he doesnt have any ‘guilty’ pleasures tbh, he just enjoys stuff unashamedly. he’s too thick to feel guilty

Their vices (physical or emotional)

Logan - lets be real, he’s probably done, like. an impressive amount of coke. i guess the terrible sleeping and eating habits are probably also a vice but like. it’s mainly the coke

Lucius - he smokes like a fuckin chimney

Their tickle spots

Logan - not only does he not have any, but you would also die for trying. Elrick disagrees.

Lucius - his ribs, but he is uncontrollably violent when he’s tickled so its a real good way to get a broken nose. he doesn’t mean to do it, he just spasms. 

Bad memories/experiences

Logan - lmao. I’ll skip the most obvious (the 3-Day Auroran Extravaganza) because i think that goes without saying - it left him with crippling PTSD and damaged his mind heavily and insidiously. he was already pretty traumatised by his childhood and i think being forced into so many responsibilities so young also messed him up a little. it’s more like….rather one one or two specific experiences, its more just a general feeling of Bad that has stuck with him throughout his life. It was worsened by his later experiences, and essentially primed him for failure.

Lucius - yknow i was thinking about how to word the answer to this question and i realised that i accidentally made Lucius into Batman. His family farm was attacked and burnt to the ground by bandits when he was about 12; his parents and siblings were killed, and he only escaped by hiding in the coal-cellar. Later, he joined up with the mercenaries to try and track down the group that targeted them. fuck hes batman. i didnt mean to batman

Humiliating memories

Logan - oh man his father was a pro at humiliation. mistakes or oversights werent just punished, they were fuckin learned from, and he figured the best way to do this was humiliation - generally through public displays of What You Did Wrong and repeated recitations of the mistake in front of the people whose opinions Logan valued. It was kind of the catalyst for his inferiority complex and intense desire to succeed without input from others. 

Lucius - again, Lucius doesn’t really experience embarrassment - he’s kind of too laid-back for it. yes, it was embarrassing the one time he fell over carrying two milk buckets and threw them all over himself in front of the handsome boy from the next farm over and the guy started laughing at him but like. you live and learn and the dude turned out to have a really ugly laugh anyway so who cares

Fears/phobias

Logan - he’s always had claustrophobia, but after the Auroran Experience this intensifies to a whole new level, and he also develops crippling nyctophobia. part of this is due to his hallucinatory psychosis - he sees things pretty much constantly, but it worsens in low lighting - but it’s also due to the fact that there may very well be actual Things in the dark and he struggles to tell reality from hallucination

Lucius - dogs. fuckin dogs. he hates dogs theyre literally so scary even the small ones bc the small ones move so quick and you never know when theyre gonna come at you

Bad or petty habits

Logan - oh, he’s just a petty bitch. he’s also outwardly arrogant, even if his internal feelings don’t match up to that. drily sarcastic, too, tho a person only really sees that when they get past the walls he throws up - Elrick is very familiar with it. 

Lucius - he’s constantly standing to the right-hand side of people and then he wonders why he cant hear them properly

Grudges and vendettas

Logan - he’d hold a grudge against his father if he wasnt dead. he also holds a pretty heavy grudge against Theresa for not just fucking telling him.

Lucius - at first, only against the bandits that killed his family, but once he deals with them hes kind of at a loss as to where to go next. fortunately Logan starts starving people shortly afterwards, so if nothing else it gives him a kickstart into the rest of his life. Subsequently, Lucius will hold a vendetta against Logan for the rest of his life, even after he has been in a relationship with Morgan for years - he will never forgive him for the shit he put the common people through, and he doesnt really give a shit about the ~pressures~ Logan was under at the time. fuckin excuses, man. 

Ingrained habits/forces of habit

Logan - his terrible sleeping/eating patterns. even before trauma and night-terrors made it almost impossible for him to sleep peacefully, he didn’t get more than 5 or 6 hours a night, if that.

Lucius - if something is smaller than him, he’ll protect it. he’ll also protect things bigger than him, if given half the chance. hes basically a golden retriever in human form, which is ironic considering his feelings about dogs.

What it takes to make them cry

Logan - would rather die than cry, quite literally.

Lucius - his heart is softer than butter, he’ll cry at anything. he’ll cry at an injured pigeon on the street. 

Dark secrets/’skeletons in the closet’

Logan - never, ever, ever talks about what happened in Aurora. The details die with him.

Lucius - he doesn’t really have any - he’s not ashamed of much in his life, and he’s never done anything terrible enough to render it a skeleton. 

People they’ve hurt or indirectly killed, and how it affected them

Logan - L M A O. yes, it affected him terribly, but tbqh however much its affected him kind of plays second fiddle to how much his actions affected other people.

Lucius - has killed a lot of people who deserved it during his mercenary years, and justifies it to himself by being absolutely certain that they did deserve it. sometimes he doubts this, though, and that doubt plays a big part in his eventually getting out of the game entirely

People who’ve influenced them greatly

Logan - Walter, tho he’ll never admit it in a million years and he still definitely kneecapped him right at the start of the game so idk what that says about him

Lucius - Morgan. it’s real gay, i know, but there it is.

[awed-frog]

hi there! i dont tend to trust sdcc interviews but i figure i'd ask this so i could get your opinion! a big thing they were talking about was the aftermath of michael on dean.. if they do this right it could be SO good and SO interesting for his character.. so i was gonna ask what you think this means for his character? after he is done being possessed by michael?

Hi! I haven’t heard the spoilers, and to be honest my enthusiasm about the show is pretty much in free fall - under a cut and sort of bitter, okay?

So, the obvious parallels that come to mind are Dean coming back from Hell and Dean being freed from the Mark, and I think the time and energy the show spent of those aftermaths is very telling of what the narrative priorities are. 

If you look at the post-Hell period - was intense. I haven’t rewatched that season in a while, but I seem to remember they spent a lot of time on how broken and not himself Dean was? And the whole thing, of course, was revealed to be even more tragic than what fans expected when Dean decided to tell Sam about how he’d chosen to torture others. Ouch. That was some truly powerful stuff, especially because in the pre-Hell period Dean had mostly pretended to be carefree - scarfing down burgers for breakfast, having threesomes, and generally trying to convince himself (and others) that since he never had much of a lifespan anyway, this death made complete sense. All of that, of course, was masterfully contrasted with how Dean actually died - he never got the hero death I’m sure many were expecting, the beautiful and sexy death main characters and pretty people are mostly gifted (or burdened) with. Instead, it was terrifying, base, humiliating affair - Dean was literally torn apart by dogs as his baby brother watched (not to mention he regretted his righteous decision as soon as he landed in Hell, and found himself calling for Sam like a frightened child instead of suffering his fate in manly silence). Jesus Sycamore Christ. That was beyond sobering, as was the whole post-Hell period - and especially how Dean wasn’t, in the end, all that happy to be alive again. Again: ouch.

What happened in S11 was rather different. On the whole, I enjoyed that season a lot, but while there were some tense and emotional moments for Dean (like his conversation with God), I found it very odd - and somewhat disappointing - that nobody ever mentioned the Mark again. After all, it was implied (or stated outright? I honestly don’t remember) that the Mark didn’t exactly change Dean; its power was preying on people, and taking their worst instincts to horrifying extremes. For instance, Dean kept hunting, but where he would normally give people a second chance, or find a solution that didn’t involve a full-out massacre, MoC!Dean never cared about that at all. However necessary it was for Dean to choose this burden (and even that is debatable), it led very directly to the death of a bunch of innocent people - Charlie, of course, but also the NoHomo hunter, knockoff Draco Malfoy and Rowena’s godchild (you’d think she’d mention him again at some point, or that Sam and Cas would bring him up in a kind of ‘Hey, remember when we slaughtered an innocent teen on the off chance his beating and bloodied heart could cure Dean? Good times’, but nope). To make matters worse, those four deaths happened in the space of a couple of days? And I get that Dean had other things on his mind soon after he was cured, but I still found it bizarre that they never came up at all. I mean - sure, there were subtextual clues and all that - when are there not, amirite - but to me, it was too weak. Honestly, it looked like Dean (and Sam, and Cas) just didn’t give a damn about the trail of destruction they’d left behind. Because this is what’s never acknowledged in S11: that those deaths were on them. Whoever got killed when Dean had the Mark: on them. And, more directly and unequivocally, all those people Amara killed: on them. That’s some powerful stuff, and yet it’s never explored at all, because it’s not what the current showrunner is interested in.

All this to say: in theory, post-Michael!Dean should be huge. The fact Dean took the decision so quickly was already a narrative blunder, considering how he’d been in exactly the same situation (and worse) in earlier seasons but had decided to say no to Michael. I mean - Dean’s free will and how it clashes with his need to help others - that’s the core of the character, and yet it took one line of dialogue to erase it into nothingness. Now, heading into S14 it looks pretty likely that Dean will rid himself of Michael very early - we’re talking two or three episodes, max, and apparently that’s our fault or something (don’t even get me started), which means this Very Meaningful and Earth-Shattering thing is already losing importance in favour of - I don’t know.

(More KFC demons? Lucifer’s cousin Throckmorton? Bobby and Mary’s budding romance and how that is finally the thing that turns Mary into a Tupperware wife and removes her from the boys’ lives in a believable way? I guess we’ll see.)

Will it have an effect on Dean? Obviously I can’t say for sure, but I doubt it. 

Like, for one, Michael has no beef with Dean, and vice versa. These two characters are not connected in any emotional way. To Michael, Dean is just a random and contemptible human; to Dean, Michael is just another over-ambitious freak in need of a good beheading. As for archangel possession - that’s tricky. Some guys are left empty shells; Sam wasn’t, and Cas wasn’t (and Dean is another main character, so he can’t be hurt too badly). Sam suffered a lot, but that’s because Lucifer hated him and had a personal vendetta against him. As a comparison, when Lucifer possessed Cas, he basically gave Cas a nice TV and never bothered him again, and I think that’s a more accurate description of the connection between AU!Michael and Dean. Neither of them cares enough for this thing to escalate. So whatever happens between them (Michael dies; Michael is kicked back to the AU!world; Michael finds another suitable vessel; Michael is forced into an unsuitable vessel), I don’t think there’ll be a lot of focus on how that changes Dean.

On the plus side, there are solid narrative reasons for that lack of focus to make sense. For instance, Dean’s never been the emotionally stunted troll fanon keeps pretending he is, but over the last two seasons he’s really made an effort to make his feelings crystal clear, and he’s been berated and ignored every single time. So if I were him, I don’t think I’d be very eager to confide in Sam ‘What about MY feelings?’ Winchester, Mary ‘Ew, I don’t want to be your mom’ Winchester or Cas ‘You humans make everything so needlessly complicated’ Winchester (he’s a brother now, right? even if for some reason we’re seeing him less than Jack). No, Dean is likely to keep his feelings private - despite the fact this experience should, logically, be a turning point for him. We know Dean has big issues when it comes to giving up control, and possession is - inevitably - also a metaphor for rape, which is - canonically? - a part of Dean’s past (look at Alastair’s unnecessary queering, for God’s sake). So a post!Michael Dean - he could have less confidence in himself, especially if his decision ends up doing more harm than good for some reason, or he could develop PTSD and decide to retire because he’s got nothing left to give (narratively sound, but not a place the show can afford to go to) or he could become nihilistic and even more determined to get his blaze of glory ending, and sooner rather than later (after all, we know he gets suicidal when he feels he needs to atone, so).

From a RL perspective, I don’t know how much of that we’ll see. Considering how little they used post-MoC!Dean, I think maybe we can expect some new crisis which will keep the focus off Dean’s feelings and opinions. On the other hand, S13 was basically a ‘best of’ of the Kripke era, so it’s possible that S14 will revisit the post-Hell!Dean theme in some way. I don’t know. Lately, the show seems determined to prove our heroes are Good People Who’ve Done Nothing Wrong Ever, so from that perspective Dean saying yes to Michael should turned out to be a Big Mistake, because Dean saying no to Michael is basically half of what saved the world the first time around. Then again, I’m not seeing a lot of coherence on that front (I’m on team ‘Why was the AU!world even about Mary’, sorry about that), so, really - everything is anyone’s guess. At this point, the one thing we can predict about Supernatural is that if you’re interested in the characters’ inner lives and in them actually evolving in some healthy way, you’re better off with fanfiction.

I apologize. I know that was depressing and bitter. Here is a baby owl.

[hazcoms]

A little info and backstory on Hazcom DILF, my crush, who I tag as M.

He is a safety instructor, now exclusively for wind energy students it seems, at the tech school I go to. He was one of the two guys who gave us our class on hazcom and fire safety in nursing school (which was in 2018), probably the best day of school I had in that class. I had so much fun in that class, and it didnt help that I like M a lot.

When I first saw him, I knew I was going to have a problem bc this guy was my type. Dark hair with a bit of grey, scruffy facial hair, attractive outfit, and just the energy he possessed. His voice was interesting, one of the girls in class compared it to Steve O, but he also had a southern-ish accent so that made things funnier with that comparison.

He and the other instructor, we'll call him "Fire Guy" or "S," were hilarious. Not only as people themselves, but also as a team. They took jabs at each other and us as well. Although, M seemed to be a little less...I dont know, not mean, but rather...teasing? When he talked. I really dont know how to describe it. But S teased us far more than M did.

M and S both know my father, apparently, and that made me feel even more awkward about my growing attraction to M. Other than asking me about him and asking me a question about smoke during a slideshow, they did not really call me out. I was still pretty shy and quiet at that point, but if I had the class now I'm sure I would have been louder and participated more.

Anyways, the class started with one of our nursing teachers guiding us to the building where we had the class. It's detached from the main building, and to get to it you have to climb up a little hill made of big gravel and go past a weird object that S called "a rocket ship." It's a big cylindrical thing and I have no clue what it actually is and I havent had the courage to ask anybody what it is in all my years at this school.

Walking past the rocket ship, we were dive bombed by a flock of pigeons that apparently live inside the thing, and it scared all of us and it felt like resident evil. You know, the crows in 1 and 0 that come at you for breathing wrong? That's how it felt. So we ran the rest of the way.

In the building, it was freezing. Like 40 degrees. It was a good thing I wore a jacket, but others were not so lucky and they had to occasionally go outside to get warm. Later on in the class if we complained about how cold it was, they would turn down the temperature even more to make it colder. Funny, but irritating. We all sat down, and since none of us really knew each other, we sat sporadically at different tables. Some of us, including myself, were by ourselves. I was happy with that.

The first teacher to come in was S. M came in a few minutes later, but I didnt know he was M, his name was said by my teacher to be our instructor but since S was more talkative and acted like he was the teacher, I assumed he was M. But he wasnt, obviously.

As the two instructors prepared to teach us or whatever, they played a video of like...fail compilations for whatever reason. And that changed to a more safety focused thing when the video they played was a fail compilation themed around people setting themselves on fire. As a huge Jackass fan, I found this hilarious. Then they played the fire safety scene from the Office, and then a video known as Highway to Hazmat Hell (Watch here). If you don't want to watch it, it's basically a truck carrying cylinders under pressure which start falling off and a bunch of explosions and crashes happen while Highway to Hell by AC/DC plays. Great video.

After the video was done, M came to the front of the room and put his backpack down on the table, then sat/leaned on it. S went to the podium and began introducing himself and what the class would be about. I watched M the whole time, entranced by how attractive he is. The teacher really had to be hot and me get a crush? I thought I left that shit in middle school. But apparently not.

After S told us about himself, then he introduced M as "6'3, 170 lbs, and single" (still not sure that the first two are true although he is rather tall) and a few other things. When he said he was single, I felt myself turn all warm. I avoided looking at him. And it was true that he was single, because M had gotten divorced recently and said that he preferred being single. I didnt really care though considering I have no chance with him and I'm already in a lifelong relationship. Even if I wasnt, he knows my father and is old enough to BE my father. I wouldnt date him but I admit I would hook up with him had I been single myself and the circumstance occurred.

Anyways, he told us his life story, and then we got to introduce ourselves. This was where I found out they know my dad, because I said my last name and M looked at me and smirked and said "oh, shes (dads name) kid!" And S was like "oh yeah" and something else I didnt pay attention to because my face was on fire from M even paying attention to me and I became all shy.

After we all introduced ourselves, the slideshow on fire safety began. The first question S asked was, "what elements are needed to start a fire?" A girl in my class, one of the funniest, said, "uhh...fire?" I get where shes coming from, fire is an element in the four elements sense, but he meant like..chemicals or whatever.

So we all had a good laugh at her, and she happens to be from Texas so they would attribute her "stupidity" to that. S told us what is actually needed for a fire to start, and talked more about that. Then came to the subject of smoke, and S asked us what smoke is. Texas girl said "its smoke." We all laughed again, and S was just rolling his eyes and laughing. I dont think he genuinely thought she was stupid, because she isnt, but he wanted to laugh at her being "dumb."

The lecture continued and eventually we noticed this windowed room beyond a glass door attached to this room was beginning to look hazy. We pointed it out in concern, thinking that maybe they were testing us, but S was like "oh it's just humidity" and we went on with the lecture. Eventually the haze got super super noticeable and M and S called us out on it, asked us why we didn't do anything about the smoke, but it ended up that it was a smoke machine they were using to fuck with us. Which was, admittedly, pretty funny.

Later on, S told us we were going down to the shop to practice using a real fire extinguisher. Not the powder ones, just a water one, since powder would make a mess and fuck with the oxygen. So we all went to climb down that gravel hill, only to realize there was a sidewalk that went up it and M was like "you guys can go that way but I'll walk on the sidewalk like a normal person" which made me laugh and also annoyed at myself for choosing the gravel hill, because it slides down when you walk on it and I almost fell like multiple times.

So we got to the shop and there was this little box thing connected to a propane tank, it looked almost like part of a grill. M explained that it can be controlled to light on fire, similarly to a grill, and the fire can be put out using the same controls or a fire extinguisher. It's used specifically for fire extinguisher training apparently.

S went and filled up the fire extinguishers with water, as they were empty, then brought them out and showed us how to use them. But honestly, me and Texas girl and another girl we will call F were all paying attention to M. More on that later. Anyways, S asked why we were distracted and one girl was like "Texas girl is trying to get M's snapchat" which was a joke, I don't think he even had one.

Next came our time to use the fire extinguishers- we ALL had to do it and it was in front of everyone. Less than half of the class got to put out the fire on the magic training box, which was controlled by M, before it started raining. Like a literal downpour of rain, right out of nowhere. Along with the rain getting us wet (no pun intended irt M) it kept putting out the fire training box, PLUS there was some kind of problem with the gas and the fire training box.

So S sent us with M back to the building so he could figure out what was wrong with the fire training box. M then taught us the hazcom lessons- bloodborne pathogens, PPE, hazmat procedure, MSDS, placards and their meanings, etc. Then he got into the storytelling phase, which was the most entertaining thing.

First he told this story about a guy he either knew or someone he knew knew, who died from rat poison. Then he talked a bit about his time in the oilfield before moving to wind energy, and he told us about how one time they had this bottle of methanol in what looked like a water bottle, and one of his coworkers came in and just started drinking it. Like, he didn't notice it was in fact NOT water and WAS methanol, and just kept drinking it. M did not elaborate on the fate of this guy, but I can't imagine it was good.

Now came the best story. Liquid Fire. Liquid Fire is an infamous drain cleaning chemical that if you Google it, will show results of news about bad things happening with it. But they do still sell it, I found some in a hardware store and took a selfie with it which I intend to show to M if I ever see him again. Anyways, the story began with M's bath/shower drain being clogged for seemingly no reason, until he found out it was because his kids kept shoving their bath toys down the drain. M tried traditional drain cleaners and other methods, but none worked, so he went to this local hardware place (which my mom has a vendetta against because the people who work there are apparently real cunts) and found a product called Liquid Fire. He claimed that seeing it had a skull and crossbones on it made him sure it would work well.

One of the employees warned M that Liquid Fire was strong, and to only use a certain amount each time. But M said that he was stupid because he's a man and ignored this advice, using much more Liquid Fire than necessary. But the stuff worked, it unclogged the drain, so he continued to use it. Until one day, his bathroom started smelling weird, and he couldn't figure out why. So he hired a plumber, and the plumber looked at the drain.

The plumber then told M that the smell was because his shower water was draining directly under the house and stagnating. M asked why. Plumber explained that his pipes? Gone. Disappeared. Not there. After some investigation, they discovered that it was the Liquid Fire which destroyed the PVC pipes completely, it is THAT corrosive and he used THAT much of it. The reason it worked so well on the bath toy problem was because it was literally dissolving the plastic toys, and when it got done with them, it moved on to the pipes.

After M told the story he paused for laughter, which we did a lot of, and from then on Liquid Fire became a running joke between me and F, and a story I'd reference all the time, even to people who weren't there. We then went over a bit more stuff that I don't remember exactly, and S came back in saying the rain had stopped and the fire box was working again.

Well, part of that was true. The fire box wasn't working again, but using some kind of gas and a cigarette lighter from one of my classmates, S got it working again. The class then got to continue putting out the fire, and guess who was dead last? Yeah, me. Back then, I was a scrawny little thing. I'm 5'1, and then I was a size 00 XS who weighed 90 pounds and carried all that weight in her breasts (still where most of my weight is btw). So yeah, I had some trouble picking up the fire extinguisher. They're heavier than you think. S had to literally stand behind me and help me hold the damn thing- it was embarrassing enough being last, but being the only girl in class who could hold the extinguisher herself? Even worse.

I can only imagine how flustered I would've been if M had been the one holding me and the extinguisher. I may have just passed out. Anyways, I get to finally use the extinguisher!! By then, it was in a downpour again, but we couldn't delay anymore because lunch break was coming up and we didn't have time to delay.

So I'm in the pouring rain, held by S, extinguishing a controlled fire. But as soon as I got it out the first time, my celebration was cut short because M TURNED IT BACK ON. And the funny thing? HE LOOKED RIGHT AT ME AND SMIRKED AS HE DID IT. HE LAUGHED THE SECOND TIME. That's right, there was a second time, because he turned it back on after I extinguished it FOUR TIMES!!!!

Now I don't know why he did this to me in particular, or why he found it so funny, but at the time I was irritated. Later on I thought about it and was like oh. Wait. He was teasing me, that's kinda cute. So anyways after the fourth time of tormenting me in the pouring rain, I got the fire out and it was lunch time, so me and the class bid S and M goodbye.

Later, after we all got back from lunch, Texas girl called M a dilf. And oh my God did I feel relieved that I wasn't the only one who thought so. F also was attracted to him, while the girl who sat next to me was weirded out bc apparently he looks like her dad. We discussed M for a bit before the teachers got back.

From that day on, M was on my brain CONSTANTLY. I'd see him occasionally (check out my diary tag for M incidents) around the school and freak out each time. I still, to this day in 2021, have feelings for M. And they're strange feelings, because Im obviously in love with my boyfriend and we are getting married asap and I'd never leave him, but I talked over my situation with M with my therapist and she said it was fine.

Anyways, that's the story of M. Check out my diary or M tags for more stories and feelings about him. If you actually read this, thanks, and I hope you enjoy my blog.

[notdepressedjusttired]

Can you??? Answer??? All the Soft Asks??????

This is gonna take a while ;;;;;

🌸Blankets: Have you been in love?

Yes.

🌸Stuffies: How did you meet your best friend?

I have 3 of them??

My oldest friendship dates back to Kindergarten. His name is Joshua, he gave me a flower, and told me I was pretty. I still talk to and hang out with him. I tease him a lot because I’m older than him by 7 months but he’s like;;; 6’ tall? I love him with all my heart though. We’ve been through a lot of shit together.

My current IRL best friend I met my freshman year; her sophomore year of high school. We actually only passed by eachother during passing period, but we both had the same nerdy Doctor Who bag. I had said I like her backpack and she was about to say thanks, but she burst into laughter after she saw we had the same bag. A few weeks later we were both cast in our school’s first musical of the year and she hasn’t been able to get rid of me since. We’ve gone through almost too much together if I’m being honest…

My BEST FRIEND BEST FRIEND is @thighkyuu We met on here over a year ago after one of us was having a bad night; I can’t remember which, but we must have talked til like 4 AM. We bonded over Mysme, anime, music, our philosophies about life, our depression and anxiety ((fucked up as that may sound it’s true)), just all kinds of things. We’ve both been through our separate traumas over the course of that year, but we were there for eachother. She’s been my only constant over this year and I would do anything for her.

🌸Fluffy Pillows: What happened in your most recent dream?

Jesus, here comes my voltron obsessed ass.

Okay. So. Everyone knows that I love Keith, I’d do anything for him, so naturally we’re partners. “There is no way you two aren’t twins.” If I remember, I think Lance said that.

Anyway, in the dream, this was before they left Earth. Keith and I were in the shack going over our cork board filled with papers/files stolen from the Garrison, photographs of the strange markings on the cave wall, the rock formations in the desert, and all of this string; we’re covering the board trying to figure out what the hell pulled us out in the middle of the desert. All the sudden there was a flash of light and a huge BOOM. Naturally we both ran outside and saw an alien space craft entering the atmosphere. My first thought of course “I’m taking my hoverbike and explosives from the back.” “I’m taking mine to see what the fuck is in that ship.”

I set off the explosives and get the fuck out of there. It all goes as canon but I’m riding next to Keith on my hoverbike while he has 4 other people on his bike. Im dying from laughter and Keith just looks pissed but then we get to the cliff and we’re both ecstatic about it while 3 of the 5 on his bike scream in terror. The rest goes as canon but I’m tagging along and adding in my 2 cents in every now and again.

When we go to look for Red, Keith can’t get a clear feel for him. Keith knows the general area he’s going to be in but can not figure out which hangar Red is in. Suddenly theres like this ping in my head and I grab his upper arm and start pulling him to the hangar Red is in. We’re both relieved as fuck and Keith goes up to him and asks for entry and Red denies, I look over and see all the soldiers running toward us and start backing the fuck up. “RED OPEN THE FUCK UP!” still no entry, Keith opens the hangar door sucking everything out into space. We’re both freaking the fuck out cause what the hell do we do?! Red comes in. Keith is in the pilot’s seat; I’m standing next to him cause what else am I supposed to do??

Then I woke up.

🌸Scented Candles: How do you relax?

I watch voltron. Sketch Keith. Listen to music. Go on tumblr. You know anti-social fun stuff.

🌸Gem Stones: What’s your birthstone/favourite stone?

My birthstone is Garnet. It is also my favourite stone.

🌸Pyjamas: Describe your favourite pyjamas!

I dont wear pyjamas… I’m usually fully dressed or completely naked when I go to bed.

🌸Fuzzy Socks: What’s your favourite movie?

V for Vendetta. No competition.

🌸Kittens & Puppies: Name of your pet or your ideal pet?

Zarina Karina McBeana The Third. My bichon. She’s turning 11 this year *sniffles* they grow up so fast.

🌸Laughter: What’s the funniest joke you’ve heard?

My ex-boyfriend saying he’s sorry for everything he’s done to me and then asking for me back. I was clutching my fucking sides I was laughing so hard.

🌸Mittens: Do you like the snow?

❄I❄❄L❄O❄V❄E❄❄S❄N❄O❄W❄

🌸Hot Coco: What’s your favourite Starbucks drink?

Chai anything. I’m easy to please.

🌸Soft Kisses: Describe your OTP

We been makin shades of purple out of Red and Blue.

🌸Rainy Days: What do you do on a rainy day?

Sleep. Go on tumblr. Sleep more.

🌸Flower Petals: What’s your favourite flower?

Orchids because I too die if not given the proper attention.

🌸Cotton Candy: What’s your favourite candy?

Albanese Gummi Bears. It has to be Albanese or I will not eat them.

🌸Bubble Baths: Your favourite memory?

Turning around and seeing Sam’s face for the first time IRL at Kamicon a couple weeks ago.

🌸Wooly Scarfs: What song do you think relates the most to you?

Sick of losing soulmates by Dodie Clark. There are many kinds of soulmates. Friend soulmates, romatic soulmates, mentoring soulmates. And I’ve lost too many soulmates in my short life. I dont think I can handle losing any more…

🌸Roasted Marshmallows: Your camping with friends! Describe the forest you’re pitching your tent in.

We found a clearing in the thick of green woods next to a stream. The friendly scent of pine needles reminds me of home. Joshua is pitching tents. Mary Grace is chatting away with Abby and Tina about the mountain we’ve just climbed down. Sam and I find ourselves in the middle of the forest enjoying the smell of the dew drops in the grass as we collect kindle wood. Cosmo is tuning her ukulele when we finish the fire and set up camp. The evening begins creeping in as the sun starts to fade from view. We all stay in a comfortable silence as we look up at the stars and swirling nebula; listen to the sound of the gentle breeze and Cosmo lazily strumming “I can’t help falling in love with you” by Elvis Presley. The air is chilled but everything feels warm.

🌸Bird Songs: Name 5 things you love

Keith Kogane, friends/family, music, theater, sharp objects.

🌸Old Books: Do you read? If so, what’s your favourite book series?

I do read. My favourite book series continues to be the hunger games. My favourite solo book is The fault in our stars.

🌸Warm Hugs: Who would you love a hug from right now?

My choreographer Kristina Lewis… She took her own life 2 years ago… I’d do anything to bring her back and tell her how much I love her…

🌸Clouds: What’s the best shaped cloud you’ve seen?

It was the shape of a hippo! I was so excited.

🌸Fae: Describe yourself as a fairy

Little shit. Sets things on fire all the time. Makes people’s lives a living hell. Wears red and black clothes only. Definitely one of those fairys that have dragon kind of wings.

🌸Holding Hands: What was the name of your first love?

Daniel.

🌸Cupcakes: Favourite cupcake flavour?

Vanilla bean. I’m a very plan person.

🌸Tealights: Describe a romantic date perfect for you

At home, Pizza and candy boxes everywhere, blanket pile, lights off, movie marathon, cuddling, forehead kisses, raspberries being blown into the neck and cheek, smiles, giggling, flustered faces.

🌸Gardens: What’s the sweetest gift you’ve received

My tech teacher bought me these beautiful detail brushes ((for those of you who dont know I was head painter at my old school)). They’re my most treasured possessions.

[askdurianrider]

if you raped hannah why is norvegan dancing around something so serious and focusing on high school bs like plagerism? if you raped her why was the first instinct of hc and nv to raise funds for an online bullying lawsuit against you instead of pursuing criminal charges?

There is too much logic in this post mate! Dont post this on any of those morons channels because they might need to up their psych meds! xD

If someone raped my GF and were still in CM I would just go kick the shit out of them at maya mall in front of everyone. Pick up a chair and knock them out with it then strip them naked and drag them out and put them in the dumpster with the word ‘rapist’ written in blood on their body. Get someone to vlog it and put it on liveleak. Make it go viral.

Why do we live in such a gutless world where people dont do that stuff? Instead people pose as fake victims and use resources and attention that could be used on REAL situations, causes etc.

Anyone with half a brain can see what these 2 bored souls are doing. Hannah chloe fucked up the first day by putting up her ebook at the end of the video where she claims she got raped. Who the fuck posts an ebook link in a video insinuating they got raped???? xD

Then they did the crowdfund to put me in prison. They copied Eisel but they didnt cut up enough onions so only got about 500USD which they pocketed and showed NO  receipts where it went.

Then they ask for patreon and paypal donations in 2017. At least they are honest with that now and say ‘if you donate i can spend it on whatever I want’.

Hey just be honest from day one and admit you married a chick who spread her legs for any athletic vegan dude in CM. Doesnt make her a bad person, Hannah Lobb aka Hannah Chloe just likes getting fucked by fit vegan lean guys and her bitch bit sloppy gut husband funded by his parents Michael Hebo can’t deals with it so puts up a personal vendetta on me.

Joke is on him though because he married sloppy seconds and everyone in the community who knew Hannah in person knows that.

Ive got no hate towards either of them. I feel sorry for them they have resorted to these tactics to try and get some fame. Hebo can obviously edit well but he wastes his talent and time trying to get pennies ‘unmasking me’ but all he has done is destroy his social media career and that of his wife. He has TRULY helped me show me who was just a user and who was a true mate. Hebo showed me that FL was not really my soul mate because her actions after we split spoke louder than anything else.  

I would like to see him make some vegan activism videos against the big meat companies etc. That would get him so popular because nobody out there is doing that because nobody has his editing skill or time. He isnt really a vegan though and just wants to make quick money on drama.

One day I will see him out on the street and I will personally shake his hand and thank him for ‘unmasking’ the hangers on in my life and making me less naive to many peoples original motivations. Thanks to Hebo I have a lot more freedom and peace in my life. I dont like how the dox’s tori’s family though and those videos need to be taken down and re-uploaded.

Thanks to him and others Im the most hated and most loved vegan on social media now. Anyone who watches my content isnt on the fence anymore. They either want give me a big hug or punch me in the face! You can’t buy that level of audience passion, you have to earn it with hard work and dedicated haters/lovers. 

I feel like Ive cracked the code of social media lifestyle now. I simply can’t fuck up anymore and that feels SO liberating. I have so much freedom to TRULY be myself because after all the drama I only care what I think about me vs what some confused noobs or easily influenced people do. How we see ourself really all that matters at the end of the day because ourselves are the ONLY person we ever have to answer for.

So many people live this fake life being someone else at work or on camera to get money/approval/status etc. Ive done that before but now I get to be me and that is the best fucking job ever. 

If I had a choice to click a button and wipe off all the slander crap people write about me on the internet then I would and the reason is I DONT like seeing noobs get confused and give up on vegan or cycling. I dont care if people give up on me but I do see some giving up on vegan or cycling life because of anti DR propaganda and that just makes the world a WORSE place because we need more fit vegans and we need more bikes on the road instead of child/pet/wildlife killing cars. 

BUT this magic slander cleaning button doesnt exist SO I just have to work harder at spreading a more inspiration based vegan athlete and cycling lifestyle to the masses.

Give this post a like if you think its a better idea to give MORE inspiration when faced with haters than to fight back like the reptile brain is conditioned to.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 7 (Pt. 2) - “Okay there we go. I’m caught up. Now give me my winner’s edit back.” - Trace

i was shook when the vote ended up being nehe. I was not told that was happening by anyone and I voted Thomas. Later in my tribe after tribal it seemed the people on ma'an were voting together maybe but I was left out of it. Made me nervous about where I stand on that tribe. For this whole moon twist thing I thought it was interesting that Timmy decided not to vote for Madison. then I looked back in the tribe chat and he wanted to vote for thomas or chloe and he stuck with that desire. i dont fully understand the reasoning why but it was fine I didnt mind too much. Hopefully it all works out for the best. I dont think I would have cared too much about who went. Didnt seem too edgy of a decision to choose anyone over someone else. On this tribe I have Adrian and Devon who I connected with before so I was excited about that because I talked to them in the warzone. I am happy to still be with Madison and timmy, and i am still unsure about Owen. Not much has really changed. I really just need to step up my social game and really get in this game

So I was lucky enough to get 4th and avoid the Warzone but now I have to worry about the possibility of Kait being voted off. I do feel that I am meshing well with my tribe and that's good, especially with Maynor and Corey. If Ian, Stephen or Trace get voted off, I wouldn't mind that much tbh. I feel I got a good connection with Chloe that will help in the long run and it will most definitely help if she ends up on Ard.

I won immunity!!! 20/23 is not bad. Im so happy. I can enjoy and have fun at Disneyland!!! Tomorrow is gunna be great. Im also happy that Adrian and Matt S. won immunity as well. Im hoping that Thomas and Madison are able to survive. Also Stephen as well. But god a huge relief for tomorrow.

Well well! A second swap and I honestly love my new group of 8? Like all of them are amazing people and I have interacted with everyone in some capacity except for Owen and Timmy. Owen, is my TS father- so like it is very very nice to see him here. But like the guy has been immune since the 2nd challenge of the season. He's a challenge threat. He needs to go. But he's really sweet and like should this warzone twist EVER end... he's definitely big on my radar. Timmy on the other hand... the snake evicted me in HoS19. And hasn't been on the tribe chat since the swap was announced and like was so out of the loop that he needed to break a tie between Chloe and Madison.... Like? Damn bro. Pay attention!!! It can't be that bad like seriously, for the hosts needing to call you the fuck out in the Moon Vote results.... like YIKES! Anyway, that is my tea for this past round. Also- I had a big hand in eliminating my vendetta?!?! I'm sooooo glad that I can finally thrive in a TS game without his snakelike tendencies trying to shoot me down every time I'm vulnerable!!! And mami I am so proud!!

Well it has been a while hasn't it. First of all, I apologize for being so utr. I had my graduation this past weekend so I have just been very busy dealing with that. But now that I am done and have all this free time, I feel rejuvenated and ready to make this game my bitch. Let's start with the renee vote. I felt so very bad. I love renee and wanted to go far with her into the game. But alas, Corey told me she was the move so I voted for her. I won't lose any sleep, but I will pour one out for her. Then there was the NEHE VOTE. DING DONG THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD. I am so happy that Nehe went and I didn't have to do anything to get him out. Truly such a blessing, and now I can move forward in this game without any fear. This tribe vote was interesting. I wanted to vote Chloe because I thought that if she was sent to the exile thing, it could be spun well for us either way. If she were to be sent home, it wouldn't be a huge loss to the other tribe because she seems to be their scapegoat anyways. If she is exiled, she might be happy that we did that for her, and we can spin it like we knew a swap was coming. She ended up being exiled, so i look forward to fabricating the truth when I speak with her next. This swap was fine. Swaps don't matter to me because this stupid ass twist makes literally no difference in terms of alliances and who is on your tribe. I guess it was nice to talk to some new faces but otherwise tribes are irrelevant. I knew I would be in the war zone this round, this stupid ass challenge kicked my ASS. Fuck ariana grande. Anyways, I was happy to see that I had a lot of familiar faces here, so hopefully I can use that to my advantage. It was good to see Timmy again. I didnt know i loved what i had until it was gone clearly. I will be working with him for sure. Ian and i have gotten a lot closer, so I also plan on working with him. Other than that, I like MercuryParadox, I like Madison, and I like Thomas. So like, there we have it. I wouldn't mind seeing stephen go. Or like anyone else as long as it ain't me. Okay there we go, i'm caught up. Now give me my winner's edit back.

This swap actually has me a little on edge. I don’t have any real strong bonds and all my allies are on the other side. So winning immunity this round was rather crucial. If we do lose I feel I have a connection without chloe so am actually hoping she comes back to us. It’s not as much about who is on your tribe with the warzone, but it’s good time to build those ties going forward. Madison is still reeling from the Renee vote obviously since she won’t respond to any messages. So trying to avoid a warzone with her in it will be very important. 

Johnny is asking for confessionals and I respect him so heres one. Congrats on graduating Johnny. 🥳 Game wise: i feel like allies are starting to form. I feel like I can trust Adrian Madison and Matt S. Ive been talking to Kait amd Thomas and i get good vibes from them. The whole Kait situation was crazy. I didnt want either of them to go but atleast one is safe. Today is my disneyland trip so im going to enjoy having lots of fun and  not worrying about tribal. 

As of 1:51 pm 5/21, Cullan seems to think Me, Him, Trace, Stephan, and Thomas can work as a 5 this vote to go after either Madison, Stevie, or Timmy.  Real talk I'd love for it to be Madison but I'm not going to press the issue to him at least, I would be good to vote either of those 3 but would rather see Stevie and Timmy stay.  My skeevy fucking ass is actually going to talk to those 3 even harder to keep my name off their tongues as an alternative to the vote.  I need to find out how Trace, Stephan, and Thomas feel, apparently the talk about the 5 happened last night so there is at least one person here sticking up for me as a number with them. Good, I want everyone to think I'm a number for them.

--

As of 4:51 5/21 the debate on who to go is between Stevie or Stephan and I couldn't care less which one of them left.  Stevie goes, that starts bleeding Owen and take an option from him as a number for him losing his sign partner.  Stephan goes that's one more person down that has gone to numerous warzones building relationships and seemed hyper connected at first in this god forsaken place. It's not me, it's not Cullan, it's not Trace, then I don't care.  Hopefully it stays this way and my idol and I survive to ruin a more important tribal.

Stephen vs Stevie - Battle of the Steves..

Ok so the vote should be Stevie so woohoo. Also, Trace told me that apparently Cullan tried spreading my name so I have to stay wary of that. I’m doing well though with not blowing up on him because that’s usually my go to thing when people are saying my name. I noticed that Ian is also trying hard to keep trace safe, it’s something he flat out said to me. I need to keep that in mind as well because it means trace is well connected. For the time being I like working with him and Ian seems cool as well, but Trace will be/is a social threat, so I won’t just blindly ignore that.

This has been an interesting round to say the least. Every time that I come to one of these tribals I get really really nervous because I feel like even though I have some good personal connections with people, they could just try and get out a threat early on (aka me), and leave me in the dust. I'm assuming that this isn't happening this round, but I always expect the worst. I was really excited to see Timmy again. I missed that goofball. I also was happy to see Ian here, I have started to get much closer to him as the game went on and I really do trust him. Everyone else, I don't really care about. Cullen and I talk a lot so I thought it was only natural we would work together. Thomas is butthurt that people called him inactive so I think he's trying to be a little more proactive this round. Madison is irrelevant but she's sweet so yeah. And then that leaves us with Stephen and Stevie. I really feel like this is a situation I've been in before. I would really prefer someone from the other tribe to go, so that way we don't get chloe. She is a scapegoat vote and I would like for the other tribe to have her. So with these options, it was time for me to do what I do best: plant seeds of doubt in people to get who I want voted out, voted out. I want stevie out. I started by agreeing with Ian that this was the best plan. Stevie has been joking about voting me out on my birthday which I know is a joke, but like fuck that I don't even like people joking about it. Timmy will do whatever I want, so that's three. Madison also heard Stevie so there is 4. And then Stephen will vote Stevie to save his ass. I feel bad for Stevie because he thinks we're all voting Stephen and I am being really nice to him about it. It's gonna be tough when he gets blindsided. Although he did just message me saying he felt off because everyone was being really quiet. The good news is that they should be the only two getting votes so if Stevie does play an idol, the votes most likely will fall on Stephen. I just want to survive this War Zone so I can beat my worst placement. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

and i oop! ok so im quite a ways behind here but let's goooooooooo - owen found the advantage thing that he can break a tie or s/t - matt found some fancy idol that has normal powers but allegedly if he plays it at a premerge tribal while another idol is also played a "game changing twist" will occur or something like that......... idk i'd wager that that'd mean the warzone might end if that happens?? but i doubt it'll get played premerge let alone with another idol - on that note i love matt he is my #1 i want him to win - the stupid ass isolation vote should not have been near as difficult as it was. theoretically i had wanted for us to vote as a tribe since we had the numbers and send one of the people from the other tribe but yk we can't have nice things so it became this day long debate over whether or not we should use our numbers advantage, vote madison, or vote chloe / tommy as who we thought the other tribe would vote. it was the BIGGEST fuckening eyeroll ever like no one could agree and then i'd try to elaborate on a specific mindset behind oh well if it's an advantage potentially chloe and madison both jumped down my throat about it so that turned me off of the entire situation completely. up until then i hadn't really spoken to chloe much bc she complained that one time about me messaging her late so she's def not someone i'm looking forward  to playing with going forward. madison, however, i thought i really liked but how hard she was pushing to get picked is a little off, and her instant shutting me down. that brings me to like talking to timmy about it and he was very insistent that we should just vote someone on the other tribe and i'm like sitting there trying to explain to him that if we blatantly vote against the whole group it could potentially look really bad for us but he legit did not care one bit what i was telling him as he voted owen, then again didn't listen when i was like hey you should prob pick madison not chloe and he leroy jenkins'd that shit and picked chloe anyways. i think that says a lot about who he is as a player. got my eye on him!!! - swap sucks. i'm with literally none of my buddies, so i feel like i'm starting from scratch making bonds. i'm just focusing on making some solid friendships and foundations with a few people here. matt had told me that he really trusts maynor so i hit him up first and told him that matt told me good things about him and we had strict instructions!!! to work together lmao but he's kinda quiet but he wished me gl and told me to stay safe when i ALLEGEDLY lost the challenge, so we'll keep working on growing that. corey is easily my fave omg he's so fun to talk to, but i feel like i remember someone in the game telling me to look out for corey, so i''ma keep a close eye on that!! the rest are kinda meh... ian comes off very smart and put together, which again something to keep an eye on bc i'm sure he's doing the same to me. tommy is still boring. - shout out to whoever clocked the error in the results and saving me from going to the warzone. i am manifesting that i will just make it through this twist okay thx. - i did get a chance to meet cullan?? in my brief time in the warzone before they realized results and we just kinda talked about minecraft. idk, definitely felt out of my comfort zone there lol even though i play that dumb game. hmmmmmmm ok i think that's enough explaining LMAO.

Ok, so today’s vote is interesting. Myself and Ian have decided that we need to take out Stevie our. Our numbers are myself, Ian, Stephen, Trace, and Timmy. Stevie is wanting Stephen out and has himself and Thomas. I’m not really sure where Madison lies for this vote. 

[fuck-customers]

Daycare Nightmare

TLDR: I am in my third year of college to be a teacher. Wrote up a kid for smashing the hand of another kid and mother explains basic child psychology to me then tells me in too many words that I can't do my job. I'm so fucking upset.

I am a full time college student going to school to be an Early Childhood Education teacher (grades pre-k to 4), but when I'm not at school I work at a daycare fairly close to where I live. I figured a job like this would be perfect for me, and I could put my classes into practice while I work. So, as of the time of this incident (3/1/17) I am in my third year of college and have had may a credit hour dedicated to my major in classes such as early childhood psychology, special education, and major subject methods classes. There are somethings at this point that have been ground into my mind over and over to the point that I could probably recite them in my sleep, okay? I'm not at all an expert, but I figure I can safely watch a room of 12 kids on my own for four hours a day while giving them constructive things to do.

Back to the incident. This morning before I put my school age group on the bus a kindergartner decided it would be a great idea to smash her fist onto the hand of a second grader. The second grader had been lowering himself down into a chair and accidentally rested his hand on top of a Lego creation belonging to the kindergartner, and the kindergartner thought rather than to ask him to move, she'd just hurt him until he did. This hurt a lot, as in addition to having his hand smashed, the second grader had his palm forcibly smooshed into a bed of Lego. He screams and begins to sob, cradling the injured hand to his chest. I jump from my chair where I'd made the mistake of looking away to watch the children on the other side of the room and fix the situation. Kindergartner goes and sits in time out for 5 minutes, second grader gets an ice pack. Done.

Now, my center regulates that any injuries and the incidents that caused them need to be written up and placed on record. Because this was a physical incident, the kindergartner gets something called a behavior report which is a little more serious then the standard incident report. Kindergartner can't tell me why she's done this, which I expected but needed to ask anyway for the report. All the behavior report has on it is exactly what happened and my signature. Second grader gets an ouch report, but that's never really an issue. My director reads over and signs both reports to ready them for parent review and signatures.

Fast forward to that night at pickup. I'd been placed in another room, but was let out of that room to return to school age. Lucky me, I enter the room just as kindergarten parent begins to yell about their child being written up. Another co-worker is dealing with it, so I just put my head down and help the other children clean the room. M stomach is ice cold and I'm sweating buckets, but I manage to go unseen for around five minutes. Then I hear what I've been dreading.

Co-worker has identified me as the owner of the signature at the bottom of the page. Fuck. I already wrote this kid up once for punching another kid in the face, so I knew mom hated getting these reports. In any case, I steel my face with my best customer service smile and go to own up.

"So this report sounds so much worse then what my daughter told me actually happened. You checked dangerous behavior and violent behavior, it makes her sound like a criminal." She's already so mad, I want nothing more then to steal out of the room like my coworker is doing.

"Those are just the boxes that are there to check. State mandates we file any incidents just to cover ourselves." Would you have rather I just let your daughter go for causing another child physical injury?

"Did you actually see this happen?" Now she got me, I only saw the aftermath. However, I'd had several witness accounts and her daughter had owned up to it, not to mention the hysterics and bruising on the second grader. I tell her this as well as the state ratio of one teacher to twelve children.

"Well, I think you should talk to (Supervisor's Name) about this, I really dont think you can manage twelve children on your own. Why weren't you watching my daughter?" I feel myself dying inside and my hands start to shake.

"The state ratio is 1:12, and I'm here most mornings. I have 12 other children to watch."

"(Daughter's Name) has only ever been written up by you. (Other teacher's names) have never had an issue with her. Talk to (Supervisor's Name) I really think you're overwhelmed." This is a lie, her child has been written up for behavior like this before by other teachers. "I need this childcare, so I really think you need to watch my daughter more closely." Yes, okay. I'll prioritize her over the 11 other children in my care.

I'm nodding and saying that yes, I understand her concern. She continues to go on and on about experience, and the difference that having a child makes in these situations. Then she spends some time explaining some things I learned in my junior year early childhood psychology classes and instead of telling her my college major I just stand there and take it like a dumb ass. But then what she finishes with just makes my entire fucking night.

"You know, criticism makes you stronger. I don't mean to be nasty, but I really just think you're overwhelmed and need to talk to (Supervisor's Name) about being back here if you can't watch my daughter more closely." And then she takes her daughter and leaves. I'm in a daze. To me it sounded like she just told me that I can't do my job, that I know nothing about childcare, that I'm a moron.

My supervisor told me not to worry about it, but I can't help but let it bother me. She's gotten in my face and told me that I must have some personal vendetta with her child, and then she told me I'm lousy at childcare, the thing I've chosen for a living. Someone explain to me where I went wrong because I'm fucking lost.

Also, fuck you coworker. I knew you didn't like me but this was just a dick move.

[saintkimora]

well here is how my past 2 days went! they were both pretty bad lol

so yesterday my first class was orgo lab. it was better than last week but it still fucking sucked oh my godddddd the actual lab only took everyone maybe 90 minutes but we had to get an nmr for our products and we had to do it one by one and it took 12 minutes per person so even though i tried to take my time doing things really slow to keep myself occupied i still ended up w like 50 minutes of doing nothing! it was so boring 

and then there was the girl who set me up. so we did the nmr in this separate room in the basement and the chairperson for the chem dept was operating the machine. the girl who works at the lab station next to me is named julia and i thought we were friendly acquaintances since we ask each other for help sometimes. so i got down to the room to run my product through the nmr machine and there were a bunch of students there already waiting for their results and stuff and the chairperson was talking to one of them and didnt acknowledge me at all so i was about to go wait for him to finish talking then ask him what to do but julia who had literally just finished putting her thing in the machine came over to me

she was like “oh i can help you set your product up and show you how to put it in!” so i was like “wow thanks!” so she showed me and as i was trying to put it in the machine it wouldnt go in so i was like ????? and then i realized julia literally showed me the completely wrong way to do it!!!!!!!!!! the chairperson came over and he was like “whoa whoa whoa that is not how youre supposed to do it” and then he showed me how to do it correctly. now julia had literally just finished setting hers up so i find it highly unlikely that she made honest mistakes when showing me what to do! i think she did it on purpose to make me look bad. she embarrassed me in front of not only the chairperson but my peers as well and if it was my messy classmates i wouldnt mind but it was all the ones who are actually good at this stuff!! rip idk what she gained from that since the chairperson has no influence over my grade but still an iconic cutthroat move i guess! i just wish she did it to someone that wasnt me

also i overheard 2 of my classmates talking about her a little earlier and they were talking about how she tried to steal both of their spatulas! so this julia girl is just cracked overall which is better than her just having a personal vendetta against me i guess

also 2 good things happened in that lab at least! first of all in the pre lab lecture noor came and sat next to me instead of whoever she sat with last time! so that was nice bc i wasnt sitting by myself. and then during the lab i was pipetting something and federico (the REALLY cute guy) was up to that too so he came over and he was like “can i borrow your pipet when youre done” and i was like yeah so it was nice that he talked to me

then i had like 45 min before gsa so i texted danielle and we hung out until the meeting and then the actual meeting was so much fun! we played jeopardy w lgbtq related questions and we were making the teams danielle and i were on one team while the president was on the other and we beat his team BOTH times! it was literally iconic bc we were losing the first game at first but then i started getting all these questions right and danielle started getting them right too and then in the second game this other girl on our team started answering everything too so the 3 of us were an unstoppable trio and the president was so bitter

also that reminds me i recently found out at last weeks eboard meeting and then i got even more info from danielle that day. so apparently literally all the other minority-based clubs on campus hate us and wont work with us bc our president wore that make america great again hat so like...rip that sucks for us lol 

so yeah gsa was super fun then in orgo lecture i got there early to make sure those freaks didnt steal my seat again but other than that it was uneventful

then there was what happened today. sociology was boring psych was relatively fun but also uneventful. anatomy lecture was fun except for one thing. the prof needed someone to help demonstrate something and he chose this random guy from the second row instead of me! and like it had to be a guy bc what he did would be kinda weird if he did it to a girl and i was the only guy in the front row so it wouldve been common sense to choose me but instead he chose that random!!! it was s/t about kidney stones so he made the guy come up to the front of the class and he had him like lean forward on the front table w his back/ass to the prof and rest of the class and he was like showing where the kidneys are and where to hit them if youre testing for kidney stones so he put his hand flat on this guys back and then hit his hand (that way he wasnt literally slapping the student) and its like...if he chose me that wouldnt been so iconic bc he wouldve had me bent over that table and he wouldve been touching my back but instead he chose that other guy so that was where things started going downhill

then anatomy lab was where it got even worse. so it was just a review lab before next weeks practical so he lets all any of his lecture students who arent in his lab sit in just to get extra review. so the lab was so full w all these randoms which made me irritated and one of the people there was the seat stealing guy! he was w this other girl and they were there kinda early and i was watching and they were gonna sit but theres only enough seats for everyone in the class so if extra people come theres gonna be a shortage of chairs. so they were sitting down and the girl was like “actually maybe we should stand bc it wouldnt be fair to the people who are actually in his lab if we stole their seats” and the guy was like “who cares!” and sat in a seat i was just like hmmmm.... so i guess hes just like this all this time 

so then i was still waiting for lab (several of us including the prof were there extra early bc lecture ended early) and this one random girl was talking to the prof just about random things for like 10 minutes!! i was jealous like who tf is she? freak

so then the actual lab was boring it was just review but it was kinda nice at first bc the prof was waiting for the TA to make copies of something so he was literally just telling us jokes it was like a rupauls drag race stand up comedy challenge but it was ruined for me bc the seat stealing guy was literally kissing this profs ass the ENTIRE time and he does this in all the classes ive had w him but he was doing it like even more than usual and it was just annoying i wanted to tell him to shut up but all of my peers like him so if i do that im not gonna be able to make any friends in my classes bc ill be the villain

so then after he finished the review we were left to review some more on our own then just leave whenever we felt like it but he also put out a sign in sheet for attendance. so everyone went up to it at once and i dont like waiting in crowds like that so i was just sitting then when the crowd dissipated i went up to sign it and it was gone and i was like “wheres the sign in sheet?” and the prof called out to the ta to take it out so i could sign it (it was literally right there but it was under the TA’s stuff so i couldnt just take it out on my own lol) and the prof seemed kinda exasperated at me asking and it upset me bc like its not like i waited until the last minute of lab to sign in?? like idk why they put it away so fast 

then most of the people left so i was at my table alone and there was one other table w like 4 people including the girl the prof was talking to earlier. and the prof literally went over and sat at the table with them just to talk about regular things! which he literally never does bc he always stays by his desk so first him not talking to me at all except for being pissy to me and then him being so nice and friendly to those other students really put me in a bad mood. but the TA came over to me and asked if i needed help w anything which was v nice of him. i didnt need help bc i was just reviewing the online models on the ipads but still. but then the TA went and sat down w the prof and those other students so whatever

so then i left and walked my dejected ass all the way to my car and drove home pissed off the entire time and yeah thats it! tm i only have orgo so since i have a lot of free time im gonna try to finally go to the student counseling center and set up an appointment