#hes had YEARS. IVE BEEN OVER 5 YEARS | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bingotime · 1 year

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google how do i release my pent up rage and fury caused by my father attempting to contact me.

#literally what am i supposed to do bruh #that was last night after getting into bed and i check my messages and #man i HAVE to block his number. this wouldnt have happend #bro what do you WANT from me #my dad sucks and he just had to deadname me while doing it too #hes had YEARS. IVE BEEN OVER 5 YEARS #hes HEARD my VOICE #ive TOLD him my NAME #you cant expect me to not snap back if you dont have the decency to respect my wishes #like what dude. do you want me to say nothing. do you want me to pretend its fine cuz it aint #and thats just #my personal vendetta with him. hes done so much more than that i dont get how he can just try callin me outta nowhere #get the fuck out of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#get the fuck out!!!!!!!!!!!!!#you will never like me for me so dont fucking bother!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#you cant love me and you never will and ive come to TERMS with that. just fucking GOOOOOOOOOO you fucking dickhead

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atomicpirateperson · 5 months

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so I realized that around this time of the year is already past my 1 year anniversary of being hyperfixated on Rob?? time flies

this is the timeline of how it happened according to some vague memories:

1. i happen to see some random video of The Rerun on like, YouTube I think

2. me: hmm i think that one eyed guy is giving some real gender envy– wait. oh no. its happening. he's the new Chosen One, isn't he

3. im not hyperfixated im not hyperfixated im not–

4. I AM SO FUCKING HYPERFIXATED I LOVE ROB FROM TAWOG HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!

5. rob is a major part of my life and my headspace now. i couldn't stop if I tried, because some part of my brain views him as an actual close friend, and therefore abandoning this hyperfixation would feel extremely cruel. i would never do that to him and therefore he will be my imaginary bestie/adoptive son forever. i will never grow out of it. i am perfectly okay with that

#its always been gender envy that gets me hyperfixated on a character. like i dont think its ever been anything else lmao #and by his gender i mean the fact hes kinda just a Funky Creature Thing Whose Species We Cannot Quite Identify. that is the gender #this actually might be the longest character hyperfixation ive had so far... he really is the Chosen One #i used to watch this show when i was in elementary school but i didnt have access to every episode #so maybe thats why i have no memory of him from when i was that young?#or maybe seeing him in that video unknowingly gave me deja vu which is another reason why he initially caught my attention?#5 or 6 years later... the irrelevant forgettable side character from that one weird cartoon crawls out of the deep recesses of my brain #and ends up living in my head rent free #for over a year #and he shows no signs of moving out anytime soon #top 5 comebacks of this past decade-and-a-half (my life)#this is so weirdly poetic in a kinda fucked up but also funny way #wow this whole post is basically just me screaming “I HAVE AUTISM” over and over #rob tawog #tawog #the amazing world of gumball #tawog rob #dr wrecker

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puppyeared · 5 months

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i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend

my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.

but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)

on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.

and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(

you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth

and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!

#i dont normally write long posts like this but i think ive been trying to put this into words for a long time and it finally happened #my cloth mother spirit tracks zelda and my wire mother lttp zelda #ACTUALLY ANOTHER THING when i was a kid i always felt guilty when i had to catch the legendary at the end of the game #because to me it was like 'i know none of this is real but if i capture you and have you under my thumb am i robbing the world of something #normal thoughts for a 10 year old to have #when i talked to my brother abt this he was like 'i mean yeah the point is to dunk on the NPCs what were you expecting' and i mean i think #i get that its supposed to feel rewarding because the legendary is THE reward. but it doesnt feel right and i dislike he feeling of pushing #others down to get ahead. i guess u can argue sun/moon does smth similar where you have nebby with lillie #but lillie still ends up handing nebby over to the player and i STILL feel bad because im like shit man you raised that little guy #and koraidon/miraidon feels less like a reward but more like overpowered motorcycle lizard that is just so oupydog. and i love him #and in spirit tracks i went out of my way doing some of the side quests bc zelda asked nicely and honestly that was enough for me #i think all of this boils down to.. i feel very protective abt things i care abt so stories that give me a reason to care hits harder #this can also go the other way bc i CRIED when i finished links awakening because i KNEW every person and im responsible for #literally the end of their world. like. there was a family with 5 kids. marin loved singing and cared about me. she was my FRIEND #i just. ugh. i have too many feelings rn. i kinda wanna draw more spirit tracks link and zelda i think that wld make me feel better #yapping #diary #loz #pokemon

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year

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recent lounging babey images

#he's so floppy recently and I hope it's just the heat. I think wamr weather makes everyone floppy and loungy #a beauntifulle boye...#cats #STILL working on posting some drafts. finishing new poll adventure.. other things... It's just hard with the weather and other things going #on. I've had a few more doctors appointments and other things to do recently that have to be done in a time limit #so I hvae to use my extremely limited energy working on that instead of doing the things I'd really rather do. :T #Main focuses though are keeping up better with doing and posting costumes + sculptures as main creative things. at least finishing the #main poll adventure story. Reworking the game I kind of abandoned for a few years. keeping up with game videos and a few other side things.#Especially the game though. I've been in a really worldbuildy mood recently. I just wish that was easier to manifest into something. I've #now put the worldbuilding slideshow reading video on pause for a while because it's SOOO long to do #and I think I should prioritize making games and stuff instead. but still other things. IT's just kind of like.. I have a whole world and #everything very built and planned out but now.. what do I do with it? what's the best way to share that? factual slideshows just going over #the information like a dictionary? make it into a game? write short stories? do art attached to the world? etc. etc. ?? There are so many #potential avenues I end up kind of flip flopping between them a lot because none really seem more beneficial than the others and they all #seem equally enjoyable and also equally hard so. It's like?? I guess just do what the hell ever and hope I made the right choice in terms o #cost benefit and reward for my time lol. ANYWAY.. Also why I'm in my 'trying to make friends' era still because I think having other creat #ive friends can help you find direction like.. people will meet each other and then go 'hey lol just for fun lets start a project together!#and then like 5 years later it's genuinely become something. etc. having other people to help weed out ideas and start small creative teams #together and etc. I feel is a very beneficial part of networking or whatever but also I have the social capacity of a stale bread roll and #am also inherently unrelatable to seemingly a majority of people due to my hermit wizard swag (detachment from general society and hyper #focus on fantasy worlds in my head gjhghj) so trying to meet people as a grown adult with social issues is Very easy and fun (it is not)#even very basic things like my core communication style is so incompatible with a lot of people it's like.. hhhh... People in this modern #age have GOT to stop being afraid of phone calls and/or text that is longer than 6 paragraphs. Work with me here. I WANT to talk to you. bu #I do not know what your emojis mean and it's physically impossible for me to type less than 85 sentences. please.. hhjgjgb #AAANYWAY!! I am working on things when I can given the circumstances (SUMMER).. hopefully some costume pictures and stuff soon. :'3 #I've not forgotten about my art and etc. - as usual I just am bad at social media and also functioning if it's above 65F lol

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cr4yolaas · 2 months

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today i almost cried at the start of practice bc i experienced the most “to be loved/cared for is to be remembered” moment today 😭😭 my percussion tech randomly brought me two packs of buldak carbonara ramen (my fav <3) and he told me it was bc he remembered it was my favorite 😢😢 i don’t remember bringing it up at all but it was so sweet and so out of character for him i was so happy

#tbh i couldnt hear him over me squealing and jumping for joy #he either said he had extra at home or he went out and bought them 😭#but i did hear him say he remembered they were my faves #genuinely the highlight of my day omg 😭😭😭#mind u this guy is like 4 or 5 years older than me and in all the years ive known him he’s been a very #chill and nonchalant instructor yk #not too silly not too serious #kinda just there to teach #so when he brought it out of the plastic bag i couldnt contain myself 😭😭😭😭#this is like found family trope irl bro #is that chronically online and cringe to say #idk im just so happy omg 😭😭😭

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skyburger · 7 months

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"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die

#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf #because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game...#to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series #anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know.#well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years #fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself #but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary #and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS #so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it!#anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post #MY POINT HERE. my point here #IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY #its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again #and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w #she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all #and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations)#so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭#my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only #anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level #and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game.#this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change #anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat!#imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level #I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post #anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today #scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died #muffin mumbles

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nexus-nebulae · 15 days

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another childhood bucket list item obtained: i finally have a snuggie

#and it's the real thing not even a knockoff #kinda surprised they still exist #but also not surprised bc Blanket. blanket is universal #i just remember a lot of those As Seen On Tv ads like. imploding within 5 years #they still do As Seen On Tv products like there are still boxes marked with that logo it almost feels wrong like an ancient relic #bc most like. ubiquitous 2000s brands from my childhood are just Gone or at least so fundamentally changed it's not the same thing #heard about like 50 more companies going bankrupt probably in the last year alone #anyway ive always wanted a snuggie it's one of those Always Wanted things that never go away #others include: staples easy button (obtained!); mini fridge (not); pillow pet (i had a knockoff once); power drill (not)#i spent a surprising amount of my childhood actually going out of my way to buy stuff i could use in my own apartment in the future #i grew up lower middle class and then just lower class #so like. i always Knew i couldn't just furnish the whole apartment at once i Knew I'd have to build stuff up over time #also bc when my sister got kicked out she had like. nothing. in her trailer. and i did not want to have nothing #i knew if dad was willing to just toss out my sister like that i would absolutely follow suit #and i did! two years younger than my sister when she was!#it just happened that my mom didn't want me homeless at FOURTEEN when i legally could not work for two more years #so she went with me and we lived with my grandma #so take that dad. turns out throwing family members out willy nilly makes the rest of your family not trust you or like you!#and now i get to rub it in his face that HE can't function in a house by himself and still needs to beg my mom to clean up after him #bc i spent so much of my childhood getting berated and called lazy for not doing chores #getting told stuff like 'you have to function by yourself your parents can't always pick up after you'#and then he's literally useless without his wife #he's not disabled and he's not neurodivergent he's never even had a serious health scare he just doesn't bother to learn how to clean #his excuse is that he doesn't know how to use the washer and dryer (it has been almost ten years fucker. learn)#or he doesn't know which cleaning products to use (you have google and a library card. LOOK IT UP)#he's the only person i get mad at for this behaviour bc he's a fucking hypocrite and a child abuser about it too #he is the exception to my rule of everyone needs to be given the space to get things done where they're able and deserve help when needed #and I'll bend over backwards to make excuses for other people so i DONT exclude them from my rule i will try to find every good reason first #he has no fucking excuse though he made two teenagers nearly homeless bc he thought we were too lazy and then he's even worse

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serendipitous-mage · 1 month

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......... who's gonna tell him ... .. ill do it @markiplier

#IM KIDDING ALKJNFGADFBG IM SORRY MARK BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO NAMED THIS PLAYLISTTTTTT #actually you know what on the slim to none chance i submit this at Just the right time and it gets a bunch of notes #and he somehow does actually see this post #(hi sappy/backstory tm incoming feel free to continue scrolling lmao>>)#mark you helped my mom so much #she was sick for 5 years and in that time as she got weaker and more tired what she had an abundance of was Time #and as someone who since losing her has now also become extremely depressed i underrstand Even More how horrible that kind of Time can be #to have and go through and be frustrated and devastated and bored out of your mind #but some of my friends started me in watching your videos #and she was my best friend #i shared everything with her #so of course i shared your videos too #and we would watch a lot of them together but you also have so many on your channel from so far back in addition to the new ones #that she had plenty to go back through and watch on her own while i was at school #we always felt like your humor and mentality fit right in with the rest of the household like you were a longtime friend #or neighbor from just down the road who we spoke with regularly or smth idk it was just so easy for your videos to be engaging and upliftin #she could have a playlist on to fall asleep to and be distracted from everything coming up...and that means more #than i could ever begin to thank you for #i think fnaf had been one of the things id been introduced to you through..and then tiny box tim we loved tiny box tim #back when you were first getting into making shorts and improving equipment/editing quality i always thought it would be so cool #if we somehow ran into one another on the street somewhere and i could offer to help #because i was watching those videos too! i want to make them as cool as possible and im going to school for it i know tips and tricks #and by now im sure youve probably surpassed what i know haha the INSANELY awesome and frankly gorgeous cinematography and impressive #but anyway... i know she had those videos to fill the Time when i was at school #and sometimes when i wasnt but when i was too exhausted #and i know you made her laugh and smile through it all #and that means everythingto me #ok well thhat got sappy fast sorry everyone christ #ive thought so many times over the years about trying to write something in the comments on a video or send an email or something and like #i feel bad same time cos i know soooo many people have similar stories or treat youtubers/celebrities like theyre actual saviors and angels

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tearfest · 9 months

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mini life update in the tags bc i need somewhere 2 rant < 3

#u can ignore but!#in the process of secretly prepping to cut my mum off bc shes got total financial control over me (im 26)#i got a lot of money when i was 18 from an accident n shes basically in control of my assets bc she made it that wah #*way #if that makes sense #like i can only access my money if i go to the bank with her. she lives in a house i boyght her free of charge #sje bullied me into biying another house in wales so she can rent it out as a holidah home n use it as a free holiday spot n said i would #get an income from it but shes given me nothing in the 4/5 yrs weve had it #she put her name on the deeds to all my assets #so i have money but it is inaccessible #i need some bc i need to fund my phd next year but sje wont help me #anyways! thats lowkey besides the point #my dads got a brain tumor n my mum doesnt know i still see my dad bc she thinks i havent spoke to him since je left like 3 yrs ago #but i helped hjm leave bc she was abusing him n had been since i was like 9 #n now im stressed out bc my dads not well and i feel like um running out of time with him #but hes in the hospital at the minute after having a siezure a few weeks after his brain surgery #so ive visited him like 3 days in a row n he remarried this year and my stepmum/sisters are so nice #its like having a real family #and it makes me feel guilty yo say that abt my mum n sister #like the guilt of havi g a bad parent is so real tonight fellas im just gonna sit n cry for a few dags #tbd.#if u read this far i love u .. whats hr zodiac #but yeah! this is why im so inactive #n bc im doi g my masters degree but . that pales in comparison rn

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ef-1 · 11 months

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Thomas Hardy said Neutral Tones, baby

#i have a couple of days to decide whether or not to fly out and spend my birthday with my dad #im like. trying to be an adult. and work on my relationship with my dad and mend it because i love him alot #i know he loves me so so so much in return. like its the polar opposite of my mother. he always has.#but every now and then that deep resentment resurfaces and all i can think about is how apathetic and detached he was.#and hes been so present and active over the last 5-6 years. i know this is him trying #her church and her schools and her books and her poetry and her colours and her everything #nothing of his culture. nothing of what makes him himself was shared with me. I had to put the pieces of him together #and its only a pale imitation of his brilliance but its also all that ive ever had access to #all that i was allowed to have.#when lana said: here's the deal; my father never stepped when his wife would rage at me- so i grew up awkward but sweet etc #its clearly universal y'know 😍 men being emotionally unavailable 😍😍😍😍#anyway we're working on breaking the cycle !!1 #so i will probably fly out #its just hashtag a l o t

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orcelito · 3 months

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I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.

#speculation nation #negative/#sometimes theyre nice dreams where i have him back. except i still wake up sad.#sometimes theyre dreams where im trying to prevent what i know is going to come. but without fail i wake up. and he's already dead.#and then there are dreams like the one i just woke up from. where i know he's dead and im feeling the full force of grief once again #bawling and bawling in-dream. with enough force that it wakes me up.#and of course. i wake up sad from these too.#it makes me think about that passage i wrote for ITNL. well over a year ago. before the Year Of Death even began.#where i wrote about vash dreaming of wolfwood. with a similar sort of vibe to this.#i wrote that inspired by the death of my grandma. who i was close with and greatly troubled by her death.#even that had nothing on my dad though. no loss has ever felt this severe before.#it's been 5 months and sometimes i feel okay. but then i feel the ache deep in my chest again #and i know im never going to be fully free from this pain.#i want to go back to the person i was before i lost my dad. to before i lost my uncle.#i want to go back to early may of last year. where life seemed hopeful and i was minimally touched by death.#only 2 deaths from people close to me. 3 deaths if you count my childhood cat.#now im up to 5 deaths of people who were close to me. and 7 if you count my sweet baby boys.#can you believe that? 4 deaths ive grieved in the past year (and a bit). 2 more deaths of ppl i knew but wasnt close to.#and 2 of them were so genuinely life-altering that they changed me as a person. my uncle and then my dad.#i still dont know who i am now. i feel so lost. i look out at the piles of boxes of my dad's stuff and i feel so overwhelmed.#im supposed to go through them. i havent touched them in months. i dont know how to even begin.#and so i try my best to keep up with my cleaning and my schoolwork. it's about all that i can manage

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immamapletreekid · 6 months

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instead of grinding for finals i lost hours to a one piece wiki spiral

#IT ALL STARTED...WITH CP9S INDEPENDENT REPORT #in the most predictable fashion. ive yet again fallen for the “dangerous murder bot villains are actually a found family and genuinely care #for one another“#PLSSS THE WAY THEY ALL WORKED SO HARD TO EARN THE MONEY TO TREAT LUCCI #thinking so hard about how they are one collecfive unit. they move together they work travel live thrive together #giggled so hard at kaku giraffe slide #SOEAKING OF WHICH I JUST LEARNED KAKU IS THE YOUNGEST OUT OF CP9 #HE WAS 18 WHEN THEY PLANTED HIM AND THE OTHERS IN WATER 7 #im not ok im ripping my pillow to shreds punchjng the wall screaming shaking good GOD DJFJ #KALIFAS DAD WAS IN THE PREV GEN OF CP9????? SO SHES RRALLY BEEN THERE THROUGH IT ALL #thinking about lucci and jabra and blueno trio...#yes i originally was devastated to discover my favourite shipwrifjts were actually undercover government assassins but like #the found family.....maybe not found family but FORGED FAMILY THEY MADE IT WORK #i still think it's so silly that. kaku is the youngest but hes second ij terms od power and he speaks like an old man #in my ideal world cp9 brutally murders spandam and they live their best lives after doijg whatever #attention span for stats and cs??? nonexistent #but yea sure i can spend 2 hours memorizing the key detaisl from the wiki entries of all cp9 agents and making a chart and timeline #maybe this is a sign...that i need to fix this before it causes bigger issues #rambling about stuff #wait omg no last thought is how when all the cp9 members reunite after 5 years and firsg thing they do is immediately check their doriki #and jabras upset by how both lucci ajd kakus are higher than his now but then u think about how hes the oldest in their group #heck five years ago when they were sent off to water 7 those two were 23 and FUCKIJG 18 YEARS OLD #OF COURSE HES UPSET THESE TWO FUCKING KIDS ARE STRONGEE THAN HIM #who holds seniority over them. im actually devastated and extremely entertained #the last time u see the youngest of your group hes some 18 year old kid you could best in a spar. maybe even leave some words of wisdom for #then he goes and leanrs how to build ships for 5 years and comes back stronger than u #they are a family to me... HE COULD HAVE ABANDONED TJEM?!?! THEM ALL HAD THE CHOICE OF LEAVING THE OTHERS BEHIND TO SAVE THEMSELVES #BUT THEY DIDNT. HE STILL GAVE KALIFA HIS SHIRT AND CARRIED KAKU ON HIS BACK ALL THE WAY TO ST POPLAR #biting my hands hitting the wall scratchijg the floors screaming shakijg not normal about these guys #THE WAY JABRA HAS A PET CHICKEN TO COUJTER HATTORI

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shigussy · 4 months

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the amount of pedo youtubers i watched growing up was insane but its actually really worrying that i had crushes on most of them and im so so thankful that my interest in most of them disappeared before they got exposed bc i would've lost my mind which did happen once with miniladd

#also i literally met one #i met bryanstars when i was 14 i also met some other members of mde and damon fizzy but LORD #i also talked to him online before that as well publicly and privately and im so glad nothing bad happened in those messages bc i was #already having such a shitty time as a teen and i would've been pushed over the edge #im not bring this up outta nowhere i saw a video about this general topic on tiktok and didnt wanna leave an essay in the comments but #needed to rant #also i was actually so pissed off about miniladd liking miniladds i was obsessed with his videos in hs and i took it as a personal betrayal #i was always watching vanoss and his friends videos growing up so i had spent so long watching him not the longest ive ever watched a #youtuber(that goes to phillip lester who i found on complete accident when i was literally 5/6)#i did get groomed by a few older men online tho i Was of the kik generation #one of them was my bsfs bf who was a junior when we were freshman who would message me that he had a secret gf that didnt want to go public #he also would threaten to kill himself if i took too long answering him back so i was on my phone 24/7 basically and was stressed out so bad #combined with transphobic and homophobic bullying at school caused me to have a public meltdown in the class that held all my bullies and #had to convince my parents to enrole me in homeschooling after which ultimately also fucked up my relationship with 1st gf who was also #manipulating me at the time and also trying get me to make out with her while we cosplayed as levi and eren from aot #which i was uncomfortable with considering i wasnt an aot fan and also was aware of the age difference #i did get back with her after this and she did break up with me again after and i probably would've gotten back with her a 3rd time but #i never saw her message asking to talk again bc she messaged my old fb after my bsf made it an advertisement for the bee movie #i don't believe in a higher power but something was definitely protecting me bc i didn't see that message until TWO YEARS LATER #this went in so many directions #im tired #tw pedophila mention #pedophillia mention #pedophillia tw #suicide tw

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syncrovoid-presents · 1 year

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I am. Not dead. BUT will be gone for a like a day or few because the stuff at work did not! want! to! work!

Which I'd another way of saying that I finally was able to get free after working 34 consecutive hours in a row. The day prior I got 1 hour of sleep and that is all after 5 days of 10 or 11 hour work days.

I am so sleepy. I am taking tomorrow off and probably going to sleep right through it. Anywho cheers everyone!! I am going to go to the shadow realm now @:P

#syncrovoid.txt #delete later #maybe??#the one coworjer that has been helping as best he can is now calling me a cyborg haha! it is funny #but strange because before i was officially hired the supervisor (lead programmer) said i was #i was like a robot and if i had been perfect there'd be no difference #<- this was his notes when i finished my (payless) practicum there that lead to me being hired before graduating #ironically the new guy (hes been around half a year lol) was one of the only other people that graduated from my course #none of us ever met but it is cool!! and he did a lot to help out over this week of nonstop work #<- okay i KNOW someone will say “hey. you know you could have stopped right?”#but consider. i have very bad body awareness so i dont notice much impact from sleep deprivation and also i would feel so guilty @:(#and also consider!! i have either earned a hefty paycheck of the redt of the week off so like. capitalism yay?????#<- i do not support capitalism #ALSO sleep deprivation is SOOO silly because i get hyper! i feel like i get more and more energy and my brain doesnt stop thinking!#i have had a grand total of 3 hours of sleep in the past uhhh 4 days??#it is so silly!! but probably not good for me #but i CAN confirm to you that when websites say it takes 3 days of no sleep to start hallucinating they are exaggerating #it takes at least 5 or a week with only 1 or 2 hours sleep #even then it is so minor.#weirdest sleep deprivation hallucinations ive had was where every second time i blinked the world was overlayed with a different one #it has happened twice and it is literally and without exageration the STRANGEST feeling in the world. in the universe even #it is like you are flickering btween two realms that occupy the same physical space but from two different theoretical spaces #if that makes sense??#the first time it happened it was at a huge school sleep over and every few moments the gym full of sleeping bags and other peeps #would transform into all the chill monsters just living their life. like monsters in terms of not looking human nor like any earthly creatur #but not mentally monsters. it was like a towns square sort of thing? so they were rushing about and coming in and out the doors #second time it happened i was like 14 and in the back of an overstuffed car with a friend and their mom and we were in the middle of nowhere #forest for hours and hours longer still. slept on the side of the road lol. but it was like very so often huge huge giants would step over #the trees. all you could see was the somewhat woody-scaly texture of these massive massive poles or legs or whatever #slowly moving over the forest and walking around. looking up into the sky they just faded away too tall to see

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scattered-winter · 1 year

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horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago #and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember)#and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him #do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao #and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that #everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it.#and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life #and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years.#sigh. anyway.#im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet #and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3 #just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too?????#we're all grieving. i aint special.#i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl #thats what it looks like we're doing tonight #im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out #and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant.#not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been .#a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone.#sigh. im tired i need to go to bed #winter speaks #personal

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lecliss · 8 months

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I've still been fucked up ever since I found out that(according to an actually plausible timeline), Konoha has only existed for like 90-something or whatever years??? It's not like. Fucking 200 years old or whatever. And that Madara died when he was 74 but he had himself hooked up to, fuckin what was it??? The Gedo statue?? A tree?? Whatever. In order to keep himself alive and you look at him all old and crusty and think he's like. Over a hundred at least. But no, that man's 74. He's just an average fucking grandpa!!! And Hashirama had been dead for a LONG while, so he actually died pretty young all things considered. And that also means Mito died like. Fuckin. I'm guesstimating here but in her 60s I guess???? But it's a significant thing that the Uzumakis have longer than average lifespans so like. What the fuck is the average life expectancy in Naruto for this bullshit to make sense???

#ever since i found out mada died at 74 ive been thinking those obi grandpa theories/allegations could actually be true #cuz doesnt he actually call obi his descendant at one point or something??? i mean i do think he meant that metaphorically #but at that age it actually could be possible #mada just woulda had to have a kid later than hashi did to make sense of the age difference between obi and tsun@de #and his grandma from the anime isnt canon so we can discount her in this equation #still fucked up tho over all hidden villages therefore being younger than a century #i think in my head it just feels like kages should be kages from like. their 20s or whenever the get the position #to like. their 70s or 80s or whenever they die #ya know like hiruzen made it to 68 i think??? and only died cuz of oro #but then again he did step down for mina like. 15 whatever years ago if were using 12yo nart for comparison #so going by 'they have the position for like a couple decades. maybe 2 MAYBE 3 then pass it on to someone else'#yeah it would then make sense for konoha to be on kage number 5 within a century #it just. doesnt really occur to me i guess. am i the only one fucked up by realizing this??? or has it always been obvious to everyone else?#granted when i was a kid i was ALWAYS so confused by how there could be a 4th hokage when the current guy is called the 3rd #i just never picked up on the idea that the 3rd returned to the position when the 4th died lmao #so yeah of course this has always gone right over my head #personal

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