#my triggers

[klawingatthewalls]

Having PTSD sucks because like, a triggering event will happen and you'll feel like a total asshole if you point out what is happening is triggering you. It EXTRA sucks when your triggers are things 110% outside of your control, or at the very least only really reliant on who you surround yourself with.

Like, I have a trigger that is when people I care about fight, or are in distress, unless it is A Crisis. I will freak out. And extra bad is so many years of getting random panic attacks has made it so externally I dont look like im having a panic attack, but internally it feels like my heart is racing and a fucking bear just started chasing me. And ngl, it feels humiliating! You mean my dumbass clams up 50% of the time when conflict happens that I'm not directly involved in? I hate that! I fucking hate it! It feels like I'm a wimp or a coward that is letting her world fall apart.

And then we get to the sorry state of my behavior when I get triggered. If I am lucky like today, I will notice, impliment my therapy techniques, and try my best to go to a more calming and quiet enviroment that I have access to so I can better center myself or healthily express those feelings.

When I'm not lucky, its a round robin between

1. Binge eating, which makes me feel bad and ruins my health goals, thus bringing in guilt and bodu dysmorphia nad gender dysphoria all out to play rigamarole with my greymatter.

2. I get scared so much via a flashback or past thought process coming back that I sit down, cry, and rock back and forth like I did when I was a little kid. This one sucks extra hard because despite all my effort in therapy so far, this one still happens with almost the same intensity.

3. Impulsive excapism. The hilariously tragic conequence of having both adhd, ptsd, and a very active imagination with a tendency to dissassosiate means that sometimes my brain just goes "aw hell naw" and decides it needs to fucking DIP. This then combines with ADHD impulsiveness to make it so I just... buy something. Usually something having to do with the excapist fantasy Im having at that time. Makes it pretty damn hard to budget around too because of the whole IMPULSE THING. Ive manged somehow at this point.

4. Go totally numb. This one is a temp solution my brain does at the worst of times. The times when it realizes "oh, naw, this is too much at once. We need to manage this crisis right now." And is that useful in the moment? Sure! But it really sucks when I get bodyslammed by those emotions 2-3 business days later. Or worse, they slowly and silently creep into me over the next week or two.

I hope my treatment continues helping me with these triggers, but goddamn. Today has been such shit for it that I think I'm going to message my therapist and ask for an emergency session. Hopefully she's okay with that.

[supreme-leader-stoat]

Shout-out to the bumper sticker I saw the other day that made me feel one second of pure, incandescent rage, which I have replicated in complete accuracy below:

[arrimorr]

The Knight is a bit weird under his armor. I would say that's it's not even an armor but a chitinous shell

[trekkerac]

Stanley's revival was a very sudden thing because no one wanted to check up on how the revival was going

[proxycrit]

Day 26- Lanayru Mountain

Perhaps dragon song sounds familiar. No matter; it’s time to get to business.

On that note, magnesis is reacquired! Purah’s still working on the other glyphs.

(“We’ll find a cure by the end of this year, I promise.”

“I hope we do, Mimi. I really, really hope we do.”)

((This is a totk au called familiar familiar! Zelda doesn’t go back in time, history is forever changed, and link is beset by ghost memories from his magic arm as per usual.))

(Want to throw a coin to an exhausted art hermit? Check out my patreon!)

[inbabylontheywept]

i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.

she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.

so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.

babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?

you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.

skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.

(it was not my best costume.)

my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.

so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.

i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.

so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.

so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.

"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"

and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said

"overalls"

and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."

and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.

the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.

first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.

second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.

and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.

she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."

"lets watch shrek 2."

so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.

every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.

and god help him when he figures it out.

other bad dating story here.

[kensatou]

"i would know her by reformed body alone... i would know her in death"

also... there's official art

[kaatokunart]

Trigger 🫶

[wanderingibon]

anya deserved so much better

[perennimal]

HI. BYE

[shslprince]

I wish they interacted in DR:S 😭

[mynnthia]

was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.

to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:

kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him

[sangthael]

jimmy doesn’t practice knife safety

[minimechacowboy]

love me some Doganronpaw

Part 1 here

[love2point0]

redraw of my first ever danganronpa fanart