#my wednesdays are just normal days now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

iero · 7 months

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Had a panic attack that literally woke me up in the middle of the night last night and lasted until the early morning and let me tell you, that shit is TERRIFYING. Needless to say, I think I'm ready to go back to work.

#personal #Am I still in pain? Yes. Is it controllable when painkillers are taken though? Also yes. Somewhat.#Breaking news!#Girlie who doesn't have their mental health under control feels 100x worse being holed up in the place they live alone under for FOUR days #I literally have not left my house since my surgery on Wednesday morning...#And then I'm wondering why my anxiety/panic attacks have been God awful these four days... Gee I wonder why!#Like I don't wanna go back to work because capitalism but I need to for like... A distraction.#My thoughts have been racing and I'm just begging for people to talk to me in my personal life to calm my anxiety down.#It feels debilitating at this point. It's literally taken over my life.#And I have my anxiety meds but I only just got them so I have to wait that 1-3 weeks for them to actually 'kick in.'#I really should have asked my new GP for the tiniest amount of benzos to get me through this recovery.#And I don't even have a follow-up appt. for my recovery but I am gonna call them on Mon. and ask for one for my own peace of mind.#I've called this office three times now over the course of three days to make sure what I'm feeling is 'normal.'#Anyway!!!

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bunnihearted · 7 months

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🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders....#it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them)#the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!!#my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

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autism-disco · 10 months

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maybe i’m just like sick and twisted and evil but actually the best part of so many songs (specifically thinking about songs in musicals here) is when they repeat a word or phrase in agony and feelings and . it does something to me idk

#tbh this is pretty much just about marvin ‘i never never never never never never wanted to love you’ falsettos #and beth ‘day after day after day after day after day’ merrily we roll along #i mean there’s more examples of this for sure #but these are the ones that rotate in my mind on a regular basis #also today i was thinking and i need i need to analyse the leitmotifs of merrily there’s so many it’s so good #i think that’s all i have to say here i have a normal number of thoughts this evening #it is wednesday tomorrow lasts forever and ever and ever but then it will be the day after #which also lasts fairly forever and ever but then it will be saturday and then #well yknow then the rest of the passage of time i can’t be bothered to go there right now #gonna try some composition so my regular brain may not remain intact i’ll see how it goes #ezra’s real life rambles #ezra likes music

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hongjoongpresent · 3 months

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Honestly I feel so empty inside I'm trying to fake excitement for things I would usually feel genuine excitement about. I really thought I was more okay than I actually am

#I am going to school 2 days this week though because if I go this entire week without seeing my boy I will literally go insane #I kind of wish I could go to work just to feel *normal* but I really cannot work this weekend OR next weekend #my mom told me she won't allow me to work next week sunday either and I think she has the right of it.#I need to be with my mom next weekend too. the whole days. or else #I have a fucking job interview on wednesday. are you kidding me.#i was busy with that all week last week and now this happened and theres nothing in my mind that Matters right now.#I cannot fucking have a JOB INTERVIEW THIS FUCKING WEEK. okay

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laomelettedufromage · 1 year

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While I didn’t have time to make them before Mid-Autumn festival, I made mooncakes for the first time this weekend and they’re so damn pretty I could literally just sit and stare at them.

#they bring me immense joy #now hopefully they also taste good😅 won’t know until Wednesday since they need to sit for two days #I’ll try to take pictures when they’re ready for munching #the won’t be the normal golden brown color since I did some substitutions #but they’re still very pretty #little nervous for how my baking of them went though #I kinda fucked up the wrapper I think?? I was having a hard time getting it to the right consistency #and also baking here at high elevation is always weird because sometimes things bake in the time they should #and sometimes they don’t #or I can’t tell #so hopefully I didn’t overtake them either😅😅😅#I bought the lotus seed paste although I really wanted to hand make it #but I knew realistically I didn’t really have the time so I made myself just buy it lmao #it was also a bit of an adventure trying to find the salted egg yolks but we got them #anyways basically they’re very pretty and looking at them makes me so happy #by yours truly the omelette of cheese #mid autumn festival #mooncakes

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whenthegoldrays · 4 months

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Hmm

#pondering #I can’t believe it’s been a year since I gave up on my last crush #it seems like so long ago I feel like I’ve lived eight lifetimes since then #but it also feels like just yesterday #and yet I feel so…. distant from him #I mean I also never see him anymore #the only reason I did then is because I’d seek him out #and even then….#idk what I’m trying to say #just that things change #and myself of two years ago would be amazed #that I’m able to have a normal life and think about him minimally and painlessly #because two years ago I was in the DUMPS #I went through this intense phase where I just felt like I *had* to be with him and got to the point where I’d just cry out of fear that #that I’d die before I got a chance to make him fall in love with me #it was so bad I was so paranoid and lovesick and and and.. ough #I still remember that night so well #it was also a Wednesday like today and it had been an awful day and I had a headache #and I just thought. I can’t take this anymore. where are we even going. he’s never going to notice me never #i GIVE UP #it was mostly an impulse but looking back I’m so glad I followed that particular impulse #it’s like when Edmund walked out of Mary’s house not because he was super resolved but more on an impulse of the moment #just felt like the thing to do. and I may have regretted it once or twice afterwards but in the end it absolutely WAS the right call #and a couple months later YOU-KNOW-WHO showed up #absolutely insane events happening to me last year.#but now I feel like the girl from that one video #“girl who is going to be okay” djdjdhdh #but really! I will be!#and I am even! just taking it one day at a time #elly's posts

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robotic-maid · 1 year

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How things are going again… update I guess? Still can’t figure out how to read more on mobile. I’m just typing this out so it can leave my head.

#nights are really hard for me #mornings are also really hard for me #I think my jobs burning me out #and I haven’t been able to sleep very well much at all #I’ve only been getting 3-5 hours if I’m lucky because my nightmares are really bad so I usually just stay awake #I mean I have to get up at 4am anyway so what’s the point #do you know how it feels to be in pain but you can’t cry because your body’s grown so used to it?#so it feels like crying because it’s Wednesday again #which I can’t justify because tommorrow is Thursday and that is your new normal #your new normal is working so hard you don’t have the time to see your dog and your cars ac is out and you spend all your money on the room #you sleep in 15 minutes away from the office you are stuck at more than 11hoirs a day #you ask your job to adjust your schedule and they say they can’t without cutting your hours and you need the money to survive #it’s too much #but feeling this way or not feeling this way won’t make a difference because the only other options will make your living situation harder #I’m so tired but I don’t have any better options right now so I have to keep waking up and working #I feel horrible spending time with me friends because I get tired after an hour and I worry that I’ve become #too flaky or something #I can’t stay up late and I’m already stressed out so I just can’t keep up with everyone and I don’t want to be a drain #I wish my heart would just stop some times #my meds stop me from hurting myself or crying or sleeping too long but these feelings always come to me when I wake up #I’m disappointed I woke up again #I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t know how long I can keep going #my body is breaking down like my car is breaking down #I don’t want to keep doing this I need more than a day off work a week I want to see my dog I don’t want to be poor but I don’t want to #wake up just to spend all day in an office getting yelled at while my coworkers come in and leave before me #I know I can do this I know I need to keep doing this I know there’s nothing better for me than this #I shouldn’t say these horrible things out loud because they’ll just wear me down faster #there’s nothing that will help me I need to help myself #this is en endurance test and I need to keep it up because if I fail I will lose so much more than I have #I wish I could cry I wish I could break down and scream but what would be the point? it won’t help it won’t fix anything m

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xoalsox · 8 months

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um ive been down with the flu for a whole week now and every time i feel like im kinda getting better i end up being worse the next day lmaoooooooo im TIRED my friends

#no im actually better now i promise #anyway. january is a crazy month for real u get seasonal depression on top of ur regular depression but that just isnt enough u have to #be sick too i guess. experienced the worst migraine in my life on a random wednesday (or was it thursday...im not sure)#i havent slept normally for days......#anyway. Anyway #im kinda finding it extremely embarrassing to be on tumblr rn. for absolutely no logical reason other that my silly brain...so i #guess i will be back later 🧍‍♂️#xlsx

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marblerose-rue · 2 years

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HI GUYS i am so sorry for the sudden drop in activity between allergies + college im just gonna clear off the rest of this week . i may do a big group type thing to catch up w/o giving myself too much extra work BUT i hope everyone is well!! <3

#not art #meandering #i did get a haircut today and every time i see myself in the mirror i startle myself a little bc i forget i got one AHBKJHDG #i have two exams next week . and a speech i have to give the week after and one of my classes is JUST NOW handing out assignments #OH YEAH my allergy symptoms r dealt with im normal again BAHBDJKFHGBDF when it gets bad it gets bad #this is my attempt at the fallen family guy pose without taking it too seriously #OH YEAH for a lot of you new followers: this is kaden shes my fursona of almost ten years (WELL she turns nine in november)#and i celebrate her birthday bc shes important to me shes my original meowmeow #also please keep me in your thoughts im on campus all day tomorrow and i really do not want to be i am no longer having fun/enjoying #my wednesdays . i only rlly enjoy one class on monday and its math . thats how bad it is BAHAHA no but rlly my stats prof is a sweetheart #hes very nice. he gave me an extension on a quiz i rlly didnt need but regardless :-)

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ijustdontlikepeople · 1 year

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#listen I would I have liked to make something for Ashton’s birthday? yes #but I’ve been having an allergic reaction that just seems to get worse every few hours #and simply have no energy to do anything #literally noticed the first hive on Wednesday #and now my legs are COVERED in them #and I haven’t figured out what I’m allergic too #and the Benadryl is NOT helping my fatigue level #so uh yeah #if anyone happened to be wondering or looking for an edit from me today #unfortunately not in the cards #bc your girl does not normally preplan these things more than a day or two #so yeah

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loverboydotcom · 1 year

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this post really is the blueprint for RR felix vs lover boy felix

#literally RR felix is like an annoying piece of shit at first because he thinks hes got his life under control #and then he realises he doesnt and hes like omg everything is falling apart nothing matters let me get hedonistic and silly with it #then hes like wait no i want my life to be okay i want to be a good person :(#ASTRONIMIC crisis over that because he thinks hes gone past a line #(so much of RR thematically is feeling like you're a 'lost cause' bc of childhood trauma hehe)#and then lover boy felix is like oh i made positive progress with myself #but its just made me feel fragile because i feel like i have more to lose #mfs with trauma will finally reach a sense of peace in their life and its the opposite of peace because it makes them so scared #but its still funny because RR felix is like doing cocaine in the bathtub on a wednesday afternoon #lover boy felix works at a kindergarten and is probably well hydrated #i dont think he realises how much progress he's made and when he does that's when he gets scared #especially because now hes more intentionally unpacking his trauma which is a lot #but like instead of fucking people and fighting people and breaking into houses to cope he like gets a caramel frappe and has a cry #LMAO #because he's like one wrong move and ill go back to how i was and ruin everything (which he does almost do exactly that BUT)#he will return to being messy at some point though....gotta have him falter which will scare him so much #also has a mild gender crisis between all of this too #that's my infodump on tumblr of the day so many thoughts in my head that i cant do anything with #thats really cool dallon have you been evaluated for autism #lover boy is like the normal spongebob of my wips because its tragic and emotional #but the characters dont feel like theyre basically or literally fighting for their lives every day LOL #it's refreshing i cant lie

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mobtism · 1 year

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truly didnt think it was possible for me to be this attached & miss someone who was in my life for such a short period of time like. damn this guy really thought i was only into women meanwhile a day hasnt gone by where i didnt think about him or think abt wanting to kiss him. ok anyway

#NO HES NOT WORTH IT YES HES A MEDIOCRE CISHET BUT GOD DAMN IF I DONT HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#cool thing is my autism charm has made so many people flirt with me / enjoy talking to me so WOO YAY‼️#✨#sorry i literally didnt express how much interest i had in you YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME U JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS. mixed messages buddy PLUS #you were rushing into things👎 mega lame #EW this is so gross i need to get over him. im normally SO EXTREMELY great at getting over people (genuine) so. whats up with this why cant #i get over this guy 🤨 CRAZY AS HELL.#thank god i have therapy in 2 days. wednesday needs to arrive NOW.

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einstetic · 2 years

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don't mind me opening up in the tags