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harlowtales · 9 months

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Reader is insecure and Jack assures her she’s exactly what he wants. ***language, sexual content 18+ ***

You watched him stand up as he shimmied from between the bed sheets and stretched. His messy head of curls like a halo in the morning light. God he looked good naked. You felt truly lucky to witness his firm butt, broad shoulders, and strong arms. Even his neck was beautiful and his famously soft hands. Everything about him was special, but he didn’t always feel special to you.

“You just gonna lay in bed?” He said looking back at you as he walked sleepily towards the bathroom rubbing his eyes. He was pleased you were still relaxing with him but he was hungry and you made the best omelettes.

“I can’t even walk right now.” You said yawing which was a compliment to his skills the night before.

Jack gave you a side smile before he went to take a shower. When he came out you had thrown on his hoodie and were on your phone and computer propped up in bed.

“Really? You’re starting to work and you haven’t even peed yet!” He said “You’re worse than me I swear. Don’t worry I’ll make myself breakfast.” He said sarcastically as he threw on the hoodie you hadn’t stolen yet to make you feel guilty.

“I have to get this report in Jack.” You said while typing and checking messages

He was irritated and started rummaging loudly in the fridge. You realized you were doing it again. Jack made a special trip out of his way to visit you and it wasn’t good to make him feel like you would rather be in bed with the laptop than with him. You freshened up and tipi-toed behind him giving him a big hug. “Let me get that” you said seeing him struggle to make his favourite grill cheese.

“I’m that bad huh?” He said laughing

“No you’re good. Very, very good.” You said lifting up your chin to reach his lips.

You kissed him deeply. As your lips pulled apart he said “Careful. You don’t want to get pregnant’

“I can’t get pregnant you dufus.” You said hitting him playfully. I’m a little too old for that, thank god.”

“Dufus?? What are you in grade 7?” He laughed as he watched you work your magic in the kitchen. “Fuck is there anything you can’t do?” He said in awe of you. “Good cook, business woman, cool to be with, can ride like it’s Derby, chef’s kiss blow job, like what do you not do?” He said as you put the perfect oozing cheesy delight in front of him. Jack took the first bite and moaned like he was about to cum. “I would’ve loved at least one kid with you.” He said.

“Don’t cum while you’re eating it’s bad manners” you joked, ignoring what he just said about kids as you wished that too but didn’t want him to know.

“Ok mom.” He said ruffling your hair

“Don’t fucking say that.” You said suddenly angry

“Baby WTF?” Jack said quizzically looking confused

“I know I’m old enough to be your mother but please don’t say that.” You said getting up from the table.

“Where the fuck are you going?” He asked

“To go get my cane because I’m so old” you said annoyed.

Jack reached out and grabbed you making you tumble back right onto his lap. “Fix your attitude. I never fucking said you were old.” He explained looking you right in the eyes. “Is it ok if I eat my sandwich in peace?”

You nodded ok and he kissed you on the cheek. “Stop doing that shit.” He said still holding you on his lap and continuing to eat. “You wanna bite?” He asked “holding your masterpiece up to your face.”

“Too many calories.” You said shaking your head.

“Work too much, think your old, won’t eat. Da fuk is up with you?” He said concerned “hmmm? Tell daddy what’s wrong” he said fully embracing you on his lap.

“I am twice your age.” You said matter of factly “I have gained weight, and yes I work too much, but so do you and look where you’re at today.” You said trying to reason with him

“How is the smartest woman I know besides my mom and gramma so dumb sometimes?” He said scrunching up his brow.

“Dumb?” You replied pulling away from him with major attitude in your face

“You heard me” he said taking his finger and poking you in the forehead

“Boy you haven’t known me my whole life, you gon fuck around and find out. I will put your finger up your ass.” You said seriously

Jack knew he had annoyed you and thought it was hot you were threatening him. “Have I ever fucking cared your twice my age?” He asked you with a firm hold on your thigh

“Nooo” you said slowly as you could see he was actually agitated with his firm tone

“Ok. Did I ever tell you to lose weight?” He continued

“Nooo” you said looking down

He tipped your chin up to look at you directly with his blue piercing eyes. “Pick your chin up when you’re with me.” He said encouragingly “You are THE SHIT, you hear me?”

Tears started welling up in your eyes and cascading down your cheeks. “I can’t wait to come into town to see you every chance I get.” He said gently wiping your tears. “It’s the highlight off my life when we’re able to be together like this, so please stop talking shit.”

You knew he was right and rested your head on his shoulder as he finished his tea. When it was just you and Jack he was so close to you. Holding you on his lap, having his leg flung over you on the couch watching TV, spooning you in the bed. It was torture now when he left.

Suddenly his phone rang. “Naw count me out today dog, maybe later. Imma be busy pretty much all day.” He said petting your hair

“See? You’re stuck with me today” he said yawning as he hung up.

You yawned too. “Let’s go watch a movie and chill” you said pulling him to the couch. After taking some time to make a selection you chose an old Hitchcock movie Jack would like. “Ok Jack? You like this one?” You asked him “Jack? Jackman” There was no answer, then he started quietly snoring. “Back to sleep before the movie even starts” you said hitching up under his arm and snuggling into him. His musky cologne hypnotizing you. What a perfect day. You could see it starting to rain outside and you had your head on Jack’s chest, both of you cozy in his hoodies. He was yours for the day. No phones. No laptops.

@jackmans-poison @jackharloww @jackharlowunseen @jacks-daycare @itsyagirljaz @a-moment-captured @angelbae05 @killatravtramp @comehomeimissyou

#jack harlow #romance #fanfic #dramatic #lovers #writing #insecure #love story #jack harlow fanfic

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millenniumfae · 2 years

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Video Game Cooking: Uncle Kiryu's Morning Glory Curry (Yakuza 3)

Curry (serves 2-3 people):

2 bone-in chicken thighs

1 large carrot

1 medium onion

1 large yellow potato

1/8 cup frozen peas

2 cubes S&B Golden Curry Roux (mild)

1-2 cups water

Pickled daikon (three servings):

3 tbsp white sugar

2 tbsp rice vinegar/Ume plum vinegar

1/4 cup mirin

Half cup matchstick-cut raw daikon

Picture this; you're ten years old, orphaned and struggling in the miasmic system that is the Japanese federal child services. Eventually, you find yourself re-homed in a newly established orphanage down south in Okinawa, called "Morning Glory Orphanage", and your new guardian is this ... six foot tall, 250-pound brickhouse of a man approaching his forties, whose appearance just screams "I am involved in organized crime."

But it's not long before you get to know Uncle Kiryu, who's kind, caring, protective, and supportive of all the children in his care. He may be stoic, quiet, slightly intimidating, and the permanent furrow in-between his eyebrows is deeper than the Mariana Trench, but he truly makes for a great guardian. Nothing makes him smile more readily than his kids.

Yakuza 3 introduces good ol' Kiryu Kazama some years after the previous two games, happily running an orphanage after cutting all ties with the Tojo clan. Of course, the series being what it is, it doesn't take long for Kiryu to be dragged right back into the drama that is the Japanese yakuza underworld.

But before that point, we see glimpses of how Kiryu takes care of his kids; he cooks meals, keeps an eye on their schoolwork, and gets heavily involved with whatever worries might plague a gradeschooler's mind - like being bullied, struggling with a crush, and also kid troubles that are sometimes swept under the carpet like racism and poverty.

Today, we're gonna be recreating one of the meals we see Kiryu preparing for the orphanage, while also getting deep into the minds of these gangsters through Yakuza's food symbolism.

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Disclaimer; my Video Game Cooking series specializes in fantastical foods, like Fallout's Deathclaw Omelette and Dark Souls's Estus Flask. That's what makes recipe recreation fun, 'cause you have to rack your brain deciding how to translate fictional ingredients into something you can make at home.

Making video game foods that are, like ... just real-life foods are boring to me. What's the point of making a whole Lord Of The Rings-themed cookbook if all your recipes are just typical breads that are just given a fancy name like "Pippin's Rye Loaf"?

Making your recipe LOOK like it jumped straight out of Breath Of The Wild, that I do get, but actually making the food isn't especially fun 'cause you're just cooking up a cream stew. It's when you have to interpret what the heck 'razorgrain' is, or 'moon sugar', that's what lends you room for creativity.

For this particular recipe, we're not dealing with a fantasy setting, or a science-fiction universe. Yakuza takes place in the real world of Japan, during specific periods of time (December 1988, January 2018, etc), and it all runs solely on (pseudo) realism. Barring the occasional crazy side-story, of course.

This recipe is especially banal 'cause it's a curry dish. Modern Japanese home cooking has a special relationship with curry the same as Americans with mac and cheese. Much of the time, you're not making it entirely from scratch, you're buying jarred or boxed ingredients. It's a meal popular not just for its convenience, but also because it's well liked amongst kids.

(Yakuza 3 boasted tons of brand deals with real-life franchises (like every other Yakuza game), and in the Okinawa levels alone, you can count 13 separate brands like Quickly boba, Blue Seal ice cream, and Orion draft beer.)

Japanese curry is not Indian curry, or Thai curry, or Jamaican curry, and so on. Lots of countries have their own regional traditions when it comes to whatever they call curry. Japan's curry history traces to the Meiji era, AKA the Victorian period, when British forces brought lots of new foods to feudal Japan - famous Japanese yoshoku (western food) favorites such as breaded pork chops, potato croquettes, and omelette rice all sprung from this influence.

Curry, of course, came to Japan from the British, 'cause Britain gained a love for curry through colonizing India. So Japan's curry culture is built not off of Indian curry, but through British curry - which in turn is based off of Indian curry. You get it? It's kinda roundabout, I know.

As far as Japanese curry cuisine goes, it definitely makes for the perfect family meal. You can make a big pot of it, using convenient ingredients, and the taste appeals to many. Japanese curry tends to run the mild, less spiced-up route, thickened with flour and fats, and stewed with water. With one single block of S&B-brand instant curry roux, you can make an entree for four, leaving the curry to casually stew while you start up the rice cooker.

Our goal today is to guess what kind of curry Kiryu would make. Technically, you can throw anything into a Japanese curry base, but there are some typical, preferred ingredients; onions, carrots, potatoes, sometimes peas, and cubes of meat. The only ingredient we see Kiryu preparing is white onions - he cuts them like he's defusing a bomb, and when one of the kids runs into the kitchen asking when dinner is, he tells him to leave. Nothing says 'I'm a home cook' like 'get the fuck out of my kitchen when I'm cooking'.

Yeah, the ingredients in this recipe all kinda falls down to how good a cook Kiryu is. Let's think about this - he grew up in an orphanage back in the 70's and 80's, and probably relied on convenience stores and restaurants from then onwards (in Yakuza 0 you can see 20-year-old Kiryu's shitty apartment littered with instant ramen tubs). There wasn't really a point in his life prior to Morning Glory Orphanage that would prompt him to refine his home cooking skills. Plus, something about his 'seinen protagonist attitude' makes me think he's the type of manly man dude guy who'd eat anything. So we might be dealing with uncle Kiyru making mediocre dad meals.

On the flip side, Kiryu is a very dedicated man. When given just a slight push, he's willing to learn new things that are completely unfamiliar to him, such as how to use modern laptops and internet, or be a shirtless model for performance photography. It's not hard to see Kiryu reading up on cooking magazines in preparation for being a good uncle to his kids. Maybe in the beginning, one or two meals of his bland cooking spurred him to give the children better food, and a popup appeared on screen called "Substory 05: Learn To Cook".

The very first meal we see him make in-game is what looks like steamed fish. It's probably a bluefin tuna, which are plentiful around Okinawa (and he apparently caught it himself using a goddamn trident?? With no scuba gear or anything). When he serves it to the kids, it's whole on the plate with some juices underneath, and garnished with green onions and cilantro, possibly cooked onion slices. Steaming an entire fish is typical in Asian cooking, you put the entire thing into a bamboo steamer atop boiling water in what's likely to be a wok, especially if its a bigger fish. Easy to cook, and easy to spice and sauce.

It looks good. Not only are there multiple garnishes, but it's plated with two extra leaves on the side to make it especially pretty. This was prepared not just with efficiency, but also with an eye for beauty and delicious cuisine. If Kiryu did indeed catch it right out of the ocean, he'd also have to dress the fish by descaling, gutting, and cleaning it, which is harder than it sounds. If we're looking at a properly-prepared 2-foot bluefin tuna, steamed and seasoned, then we can conclude that Kiryu is at least capable of Cooking with a capital C.

(in every cooking scene, Kiryu is always accompanied by Haruka. She's either helping set the table, or gathering the rest of the kids. It's possible that she's having a hand in the actual cooking, too. In the beginning of Yakuza 2, Haruka outright states that she's been cooking for the both of them, and that her cooking has gotten better. Haruka's 12 in Yakuza 3, and raise your hand if you were cooking for your family at that age, 'cause I certainly wasn't. She's taken up a 'big sister' role in the orphanage, being the eldest kid there, and shoulders a lot of responsibility for the other kids without prompting.)

On the flip side, what little we see in the actual curry cooking scene doesn't quite scream 'skilled cook' to me. He's cutting the white onions correctly; using the 'kitten paw' technique to slice the blades lengthwise along the ridges. But then he throws them raw into the stockpot without sweating or caramelizing them. It's possible that he's using the same pot to cook everything in succession, AKA browning the onions first and then later throwing in ingredients that take less time to cook, that's definitely something a lot of home cooks do to minimize dishwashing. But if he's not, then he's just tossing raw onions into a stewing curry and calling it a day.

The actual in-game model of the finished curry is kinda nondescript, no thanks to Yakuza 3's outdated engine. But we can make out red bits, brown lumps, and small green dots. It's also plated with a serving of bright red sticks on the side. To me, it's clearly meant to represent peas, meat, and what's possibly tomatoes or yams. The red garnish I'm not sure, it could be a traditional Japanese side dish like burdock, daikon, or ginger that's been dyed red using umezu vinegar - the leftover brine from making umeboshi.

The actual curry meal we're recreating is from a particularly heartwarming scene. Haruka helps plate the dinner table with a generous serving of curry for everyone. But one child is missing, so Kiryu hunts down a depressed Izumi with comforting words about her parentless status. They walk back hand-in-hand, and find that none of the kids have started eating yet. They were patiently waiting for the both of them all this time, despite their hungry bellies.

English-speaking audiences might not be familiar with Japan's unique stigma surrounding orphans. In Japanese culture, adopted people (kids in particular) struggle with the idea of being 'not actually part of the family'. Even on a government level, orphans are given less options when it comes to lineage, which affects their ownage rights. The stigma is so tied with the system, no matter how supportive the public might be of orphans, their lives are oppressed nonetheless.

So there's a reason why Yakuza 3 is so themed around orphans. Kiryu himself is an orphan. The main villain is also an orphan. A huge chunk of the game surrounds Morning Glory orphanage. Most of the plot gravitates around money that orphan Yoshitaka Mine can afford, but the young Morning Glory orphans can't. The only other Yakuza game with such a prominent theme would probably be Yakuza 6, which is blatantly about parents and their kids - adopted or otherwise.

(Kiryu is 38-40 years old in Yakuza 3, 44 in Yakuza 5, and 50 in Like A Dragon. If you want a quick laugh, take a look at his face at his oldest, and compare it to his 20-year-old self of Yakuza 0. How many of you looked like a middle-aged man when you were 20?)

And the whole orphan theme stretches across the entire franchise, for reasons everyone, not just the Japanese audience, can understand. Who's more likely to get sucked into a crime culture with a heavy emphasis on found family? What's a charity cause a moral yakuza boss might be interested in, and what's a completely unprofitable venture a business-minded yakuza would discredit? Who gets left behind when crime ends up killing? How many of the major characters are orphans, and how many of the villains have blood families that they don't appreciate?

Yoshitaka Mine, the main villain of Yakuza 3, is a fitting endboss for such an orphan-heavy game. He was a poor orphan child the same as Kiryu and the Morning Glory kids. He rose to the top of the corporate chain even before getting involved with the Tojo Clan. It's a very similar story that all orphan yakuza share, whether their rise to success is through crime, or business, or both.

Throughout the game, the player is led to believe that Mine wants to off Daigo to take his place as chairman, but when Kiryu faces him, Mine drops the bomb that he, in fact, is completely infatuated by Daigo because he treated him like an equal. Something Mine, the orphan, is completely starved of. Why does he want to kill a comatose Daigo? 'Cause he can't bear to see his love so weak and on the brink of death. That's not his Daigo.

There's even that mid-game scene where Mine goes to bulldoze Morning Glory Orphanage for (insert plot reason here), but it's obvious that Mine's also doing it because he resents these kids for having something he didn't. Kiryu takes good care of his children, whereas Mine suffered through a childhood that hardened him.

So when we see Kiryu cook for his kids, we're also seeing a life that would have saved the villain, we're seeing the victims of a country's government, we're seeing mirrors of previous beloved characters like Nishikiyama and Yumi, as well as current protagonists like Kiryu and even Ichiban. That curry scene of a huge dinner table with all those kids, they not only break bread as a family, but they also make it a point to wait until everyone's here before eating.

Think about curry - like soups, it's cooked in a big pot before being served in individual servings. It's a communal food. And in Japan, it's something of a 'peasant dish' because you're using cheap ingredients, stretching out the meat using flour and water. There's a lot behind the food of Yakuza 3 beyond 'hehe Kiryu cook curry'.

First up, let's nail down the exact ingredients Kiyru would have used, down to the brand. So head to the supermarket to pick up a box of S&B Golden Curry sauce mix. There's powder forms and mix-in block forms, and either will do. They come in three levels of spiciness - mild, medium, and hot - and since Kiryu's making it for children he'd likely choose the mild version just to be safe - they do all have glasses of water, but that's a very common given whenever you're served Japanese curry and it's more likely that kids are given mild curries. We're using this brand in particular because they're by and large the top distributor of cheap curry roux in Japan. When Kiryu goes grocery shopping in downtown Ryukyu, which is a small town, that is most definitely what he'd find stocked.

Now onto the other ingredients - let's aim for a very typical Japanese home curry dish, and we're gonna buy bone-in skin-on chicken thighs, yellow potatoes, orange carrots, white onions, and frozen peas. You can vaguely make out some beige/light brown lumps in the cutscene, which to me looks very much like curry-fied diced chicken, and not the dark brown of beef. Pork is another option, but it's a much less commonly used ingredient in Japanese curry.

(Some balk at the inclusions of LGBT content spread amongst the Yakuza series, but the majority of the gay/queer/trans characters prompt the overarching moral of 'be true to yourself, don't judge based off of appearances.' Kiryu - and his orphans - struggle with fitting into larger society, and they in turn relate to fellow marginalized people.)

And it might have been a vegetarian curry, but it'd beg to ask what those beige lumps were, then, if not meat. And Kiryu seems like the type of orphanage handler to insist on kids eating meat rather than going without. Morning Glory would have received a regular government pension that'd be their sole income, and it's true that 2008 Ryukyu would certainly up the market price of meat by virtue of it being located on a Japanese island, but chicken (and other bird meats you can find in Asia's traditional markets like duck, turkey, pigeon sometimes) wouldn't be as pricey as beef and pork, which are livestock animals that require a lot of land - something Japan lacks.

If Kiryu's orphanage funds were really low, he'd stick to the local seafood to feed the kids. And not shrimp or albacore, but cheap meats like loaches, small crabs, sardines, and saury. He'd go late in the day when the fishmongers are wanting to get rid of the day's catch, and maybe even dig in the 'free' buckets for barnacle fish and random tiny squids. None of those are typical Japanese curry ingredients, and I very much doubt the in-game curry scene features any of them.

Feeding 9 kids (plus yourself and a dog) is expensive. That's not even getting into their clothes, medical needs, school supplies, toys, tickets to the movies, and the utility bills. But they never seem to want for anything, which tells me that either Kiryu/Haruko is a beast at budgeting, and/or the Japanese government isn't stingy when it comes to monetary aid. You can think of it as a parallel to main villain Mine's super affluent but sad life as someone unloved, but not wanting for money - and by extent, food.

So without further ado, let's make Uncle Kiyru's Morning Glory Curry!

We're following (what little we can see of) Kiryu's cooking expertise, and making a batch that'd serve two-three people - not 10, I doubt any of you are cooking for that many and we don't want to waste food. But before the curry, we need to figure out the red garnish on the side. You're either buying a pickled red side dish from a Japanese ethnic store, or you're making some yourself using ume plum vinegar.

The in-game model features them as thick, almost cube-like slices, which to me rules them out as ginger, which is almost always served as thin peels. And if they're pickled, then they're most likely daikon, which is a very popular Japanese side dish that's often made at home, but also commonly bought jarred. Maybe you can find some store-bought daikon that's been pickled with specifically ume plum vinegar, but if you can't, then you can make some ahead of time.

Find ume plum vinegar in ethnic grocery stores - if you can't, then you can fake it for the purposes of this recipe with some extra ingredients - and slice up peeled, raw daikon into sticks that are 2-inches long, and around the width of a pencil, totalling perhaps half a cup of radish.

Into a medium, sealable container, toss in the vinegar, kosher salt, sugar, and mirin/cooking sake to make into a liquid mixture. Put the sliced daikon in, cover, and refrigerate for at least half a day. If you couldn't find ume plum vinegar, use rice vinegar and toss in deep red fruits like cherries, raspberries, or maybe even just red food coloring if you're really lacking in options. After half a day, the daikon should be crisp, and ruby-red all the way through.

Now for the curry! Get out a big ol' stockpot, the typical 'anime curry cooking scene' sort of pot, and coat it with vegetable oil on low-medium heat. We're using this pot to cook everything sequentially, starting with what takes the longest to cook and ending with the shortest.

White onions are first. Slice them the way Kiryu does; peel the skin off of one entire onion, then you're slicing it in half parallel to the natural ridges. Continue to slice along those ridges to make 'U'-shaped pieces, and then you're throwing it all into the hot oil to sizzle.

Next is carrot. Find a large one, peel off the thick outer skin, then chop it diagonally into half-an-inch-thick slices. It gets tossed into the pot right after the onions.

Stir, saute, and then cover the pot so the two ingredients can cook and soften for 10 minutes. Meanwhile, you can peel and dice two large yellow potatoes into hefty cubes, and de-bone/de-skin a chicken thigh.

At the 10 minute mark, the onions should be pretty translucent (but not totally), and the carrots should be much softer (but not all the way through). Throw in the meat, and you're browning the chicken on all sides for a couple minutes. The aim isn't to cook them all the way through.

Now comes the actual curry roux! Raise the heat to medium-high, then follow the instructions on the box - power packets and curry blocks require different amounts of water. Either way, you add the required water first, wait until it boils, and then stir in the roux. For two-three people, add at least two cubes and start with 1.5 cups of water first.

After you add the roux, throw in the peeled and diced potatoes. Cover, lower the heat once more to low-medium, then you're allowing the entire thing to simmer for 10 minutes.

Finally, throw in 1/8 cup of frozen peas, and then allow it to further simmer for 5 more minutes.

And in-between cooking the curry, you can make the rice. They're almost certainly eating typical Japanese white rice - short-grain, on the moist side. If you're not sure what to buy, go to an Asian ethnic grocery and look for Nishiki or Kohuko short-grain brands. Measure out two cups, rinse thoroughly with water to wash off the cloudy starch, drain, and put it into your rice cooker/saucepan with a bit more water than other rice varieties might require. Essentially, a 1:1.25 ratio of rice to water, so in this case you're adding 2.5 cups of water.

If you're making rice on the stovetop, put the raw rice and water into the pot and cover. Bring it to a boil on medium heat, and turn it to low when it does. Let it continue to cook, covered, for 10-12 minutes. After that, remove from heat entirely and let it stand, covered, for 10 minutes more, to steam itself. When it's done, there should be no water left, and all the rice should be completely soft and sticking together in globs.

Now we can plate our curry - one half will be the rice, the other a hefty serving of curry. Don't skimp, cover the entire plate sans rim with food. On the side, pick out some of the pickled daikon and place it next to the rice. Not too much, perhaps a tablespoon's worth. Serve with a glass of water and a spoon - both items rarely used by the Japanese unless it's curry time.

Enjoy! To me, it tastes exactly just like the S&B-brand curry I ate once or twice as a child, mellow and sweet. To people not used to Japanese curry, it's probably gonna taste pretty different from other varieties you've had. You might find it delicious, or weird, or bland. To my mom, who grew up on this stuff, she loved it and considered it a big throwback to the comfort meals of her day, which was a ringing endorsement on the authenticity of this recipe. Mmm, 2008 Japan!

#yakuza #yakuza 3 #kiryu kazuma #video game cooking

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z-mizcellaneous-z · 1 year

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STORYTIME: why my parents can never go through my notes app

so back in my senior year of high school, we had to choose our senior quotes for the yearbook. me, being a little comedic shit, knew exactly what my quote was going to be since freshman year: "I got a haircut. Nobody noticed." (this is funny because I'm Muslim and I wear the hijab AKA NOBODY CAN SEE MY HAIR DO YOU GET IT-). she's an oldie she's a goodie she is classic and timeless.

anyways. two of my friends expressed how they both want to put funny & original things for their quotes, but had no clue what. so being the little comedic shit i am, began to write down any time someone says something that out of context is funny as shit. most were quotes from my friends themselves, some were from yours truly, and a couple were from other friends.

it's been a year since we graduated, so the need for the quotes is long gone, but i like to go back in my notes and read through them and laugh (and attempt/fail to remember the context behind the quotes).

anyways im gonna share the list lol (but take out any indicator of names and see if any of y'all can guess which ones i said), enjoy.

"Drunks are people too." "Men good, women." "I know how periods work." "I'm doing the octopus right now." *aggressively shakes hands* "I'm being oppressed, I can't harass women." "*slams fist on table* communism!" "Ooga booga women." "Alright, it's wrist time." "Why AREN'T you talking about boobs?" "Not a fan of furry robots?" "Pretend that I spit on you." "Omelette with egg." "Smuggle the gays?" "I'm an American, I don't believe in philosophy." "Cheese sticks are cereal minus cereal." "If life gives you lemons, dropkick it." "Egypt is in Europe." "Don't touch me you man thing." "I'm not asking for facts, I want SCREAMS." "Dies in Spanish." "Childbirth is a myth." "I'm so horny for masks." "I don't know how to be in the kitchen." "You're not supposed to eat rose water."

so yeah, these are scattered ALL OVER my notes app and if my parents ever find them they will either throw me into a mental ward and/or ban me from socializing with a single human being ever again.

#story time #irl story #high school #friends #shitpost #funny #haha #jokes #meme #memes #joke #lmao #lol #humor #funny stuff #lol memes #slice of life #slice of my life #zay's life #mizismiz

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brooklynislandgirl · 11 months

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Sense and Other Specific Headcanons

What does your muse smell like? Before the world went to hell, Beth would make her own essential-oil perfumes and soaps. Better for the environment, less likely to hurt a patient or ruin a lab culture, and far longer lasting than the alcohol based ones sold in drug stores and ultra-exclusive boutiques. What little she has left, she hoards like gold. Uses it only on truly special occasions. Firstly it’s because Walkers seem to be attracted by smell as much as noise, and because when survival is the only order of the day, she doesn’t have the luxury of beauty routines. Her favourite scents are a combination of lei flower {plumeria; which can be described as sweet, somewhat citrusy, but like jasmine or gardenia} and clary sage, or sandalwood and blood orange. Even in the humidity and heat of Georgia, or because of it, she always does have a hint of tropical flowers or juices. What does your muse's hands feel like? Beth has never been able to give up the habit of constant hand-washing, whether it’s with little bottles of sanitizer found in abandoned truck stops, or the luxury of using lukewarm water that’s cooled down after it’s been retrieved from a stream and boiled to within an inch of its life. One would think that this would dry her skin out, but she takes care to keep the smooth, callous free and soft. They are small and fine boned but they are as capable of the same hard work as others do just as much as they are trained in the medical arts. She also carefully trims and files her nails. Despite thin, earth can be found beneath them and in the lines of her palms or knuckles. Fortunately, her group does not need constant medical care, so she makes herself useful in a variety of other ways; collecting edible nuts, seeds, fungi, and plants. Gardening when they settle down for long enough stretches. Helping strip, clean, and maintain their armoury. Whatever is asked of her, and a lot of things that aren’t. When she is caring for someone sick or injured, her hands are gentle, they are cool and dry, and they are steady.

What does your muse usually eat in a day? Even before the Wildfire Virus was unleashed on an unsuspecting world, Beth was never the kind to indulge in food as a means of nourishment and comfort. From her teen years, her medications often put her off on food. Her dedication to preserving life lead her toward being a pescatarian, and then work as a Doctor often meant that she was too tired by the end of the night or day to even want more than a piece of toast, half abandoned beside her coffee or tea. More often than not, it was wine that made its way inside of her. Her brother would complain about her being underweight ~technically, she is, despite her short stature~ and now when things are scarce? She is inclined to give a majority of their meals to the ones that need it most: the children of the group or community, the men who do most of the heavy work and the protection of all, and the older souls who might not be able to thrive on smaller portions. Beth’s normal diet might be a protein bar nibbled at as if it had done her and her kin deepest wrong packet or instant oatmeal, and preferably coffee with whatever they can find that will pass for cream and sugar. Drinking something sweet is the quickest way to get carbs into the bloodstream, after all. If she’s feeling indulgent, and they’re lucky enough... she might eat an two egg omelette with wild mushrooms and wild onions. A piece of toast. Lunch might be a repeat of breakfast, depending on what was happening for the day. She takes what she can get and doesn’t complain. Though she misses simple things like spaghetti bolognese with garlic bread, or pasta Alfredo. She might be willing to kill for coconut curry or a plain grilled cheese. Does your muse have a good singing voice? Beth can sing. It doesn’t mean she should. Music was always Andy’s gift. He could play any instrument, and had a perfect voice for blues and rock, though he wasn’t half bad at country either. Beth however was far more gifted with dancing and art. She can sing along to songs she knows by heart, but learning new ones is an excruciating process. She also mishears a lot of lyrics and because she’s been teased about it in the past, she usually politely and shyly declines when asked to sing. She is incredibly soft-spoken, barely talking above a whisper, and her voice happens to be husky. Pearl Jam is her favourite band, and she knows every word of every song by heart. She also loves the Beatles, Pink Floyd, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. These are the easiest songs to get her to come out of her shell. Does your muse have any bad habits or nervous ticks? Beth tends to hide her smile behind her palm, rarely flashing her teeth openly. Her canines are pronounced as are most of the others, and they are a little crooked. While she could have had cosmetic orthodontics at any point in her life, she’s never had them fixed. However, she’s been told that they are unsightly and no one wants to see fangs in a human mouth. Beth will often bite the inside corners of her lips or suck her lower lip between her teeth when she’s deep in contemplation or holding something back. When possible, she’ll self-medicate her feelings or lack there of by drinking wine or if it’s particularly bad or horrific, vodka. She doesn’t allow people to touch her left leg, and goes through great pains to keep it “hidden” due to the horrific scarring caused by a shark bite. She says it is kapu. Whether she means this in a sense of it’s sacred, or whether it’s taboo is anyone’s guess. Due to her audio processing disorder and difficulty with spoken language, Beth is often speaking Pidgin, a Hawai’ian creole dialect, though she can and does speak perfectly good English when she wants or needs to. What does your muse usually look like/wear? Being extremely tactile and sensitive to touch, Beth has a difficult time with too tight, too form fitting clothes when the texture of them is off-putting. Being as physically small as she is, it is often difficult to find clothes in her size, too. When she started her search for her brother, she took a sea bag worth of clothes with her. Two pairs of scrubs, two pairs of hiking shorts, her lab coat, two sets of thermal leggings and long sleeve shirts, two pairs of jeans, a couple of her brother’s tee-shirts to sleep in, a week’s worth of underpants and socks, a pair of sneakers, hiking boots, and ‘slippahs’ {flip flops}. She has a denim jacket for cool weather, and a winter coat that can double as a pillow or blanket. Somewhere in this mess is also two of her favourite bikinis. Beth is thankfully slight enough in built that she typically doesn’t have to worry about wearing a bra, but she knows the importance of layers. All of this is a far cry from her favourite clothing which is long flowing skirts and sleeveless shirts. She used to wear as little as possible. She doesn’t have that luxury any more. Is your muse affectionate? How so? As a byproduct of being a medical professional, Beth literally cares about every single person she encounters. Some might say overly so, some might say she wears her heart on her sleeve, or call her a hippy-tree-hugger. Those people aren’t technically wrong, and because of her own tragedies, she’s especially fond of children and the elderly. She doesn’t think twice about giving someone’s arm a squeeze, a reassuring pat, or a hug when it seems like they need one. She’s quick to laugh at other people’s jokes. She tends to stand or talk closely with others {which helps her read lips and watch for micro-expressions}. She is very open, giving, understanding. Above all else, she tries so hard to live by the motto “First, Do No Harm.” Part of it is cultural, part of it has to do with being a doctor, and part of it she just doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. On the downside, she is easily misled, and for someone so smart, she’s incredibly naive. What position does your muse sleep in? When Beth can get sleep ~she has been a lifelong insomniac, prone to night terrors and bouts of sleep paralysis~ it’s because she’s sleeping beside someone she trusts, and in those moments, she falls asleep however she finally ‘drops’, but most comfortably she sleeps on her side. Small-spoon style. If that isn’t convenient, she has a need to be touching the other person at least with her toes or finger tips. She never actually sleeps in any one position for long, and is likely to toss or turn several times a ‘night’. Sometimes, she inexplicably cries in her sleep, silent tears that soak into her pillow. Can you hear your muse in the hallway from another room?

You’d have an easier time hearing a mouse creeping forty feet below ground than hear Beth make a single-foot fall. She walks softly in every sense of the word, and spent a lifetime learning to be as unobtrusive as humanly possible. She is not a loud talker. She is definitely not a mouth-breather, and doesn’t snore. More often than not, if she can manage to be still for a very long time, people will forget she’s even there.

Tagged by: my darling Kennzie @deputygonebye

Tagging: Go ahead and do it. If you’ve done it before, pick a fave au <3

#Mahalo!Kennzie <333 #She's Talking to Angels {Bethisms}#Recruiting New Meat|TWD au #The Walking Dead Edition

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infxsted · 3 months

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stillness, texture, favorite for the ask meme!

stillness: How does your OC act while still? Are they fidgety? Do they have any common gestures or tics? Does their clothing affect how they hold themselves while at rest?

Colby can never truly sit still ever. They are in a constant state of motion. she gesticulates when she speaks, hell she'll do it when thinking to herself even. she'll drum on surfaces with her fingers when bored, a shaky leg will usually happen when anxious or worried if they aren't already pacing the room. She chooses her clothes mostly for comfort first, so outside of rolling up sleeves there's not much that would effect her clothing wise.

texture: Does your OC favor any specific kinds of cloth or textures? Is there anything they can't wear or don't like? What sort of fabrics do they prefer?

Microfiber is the bane of their existence!!!!!! It feels wrong and it feels so incredibly bad!!! it by far is the worst fabric texture to Colby. Most fabric textures outside of that are fine though. As stated prior, they look for comfortable first, style second so all of their clothing going to be something that isnt going to make them feel awful for touching it.

favorite: Does your OC have a favorite article of clothing or accessory? What is it? What's the meaning behind it? Do they wear it all the time or do they wear it sparingly to keep it safe?

Its the green shirt she uses like a jacket babeyyyyy!!! The one with the cheese patch! You hardly ever see her without it! Thanks to the constant respawning the crew does, Colby's ended up with multiple copies of her absolutely favorite article of clothing thanks to various folks saving it for her. It was one of the first articles of clothing she bought at the start of the crew's journey and the cheese patch goes with their best friend Egg's fried egg patch. Omelette together strong after all!

#the gem speaks 💎#inbox ; order up!#headcanons ; adding ingredients

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thedisneychef · 11 months

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What Recipe Can I Make With...? Creative and Delicious Ideas

Hi everyone! Are you stuck in a cooking rut and looking for something new to make? Look no further – I'm here to help. In this article, we'll be discussing the question: "What recipe can I make with..." We'll explore some simple ingredients that are easy to find in your kitchen, as well as more complex options if you're feeling adventurous. With these recipes, you won't have any problem coming up with an interesting dish for dinner tonight. So let's get started! Eggs I love to cook with eggs. Not only are they delicious and versatile, but they offer a great source of nutrition as well. Whether I'm making scrambled eggs for breakfast, quiche for lunch or an omelette for dinner, I can rely on the quality protein that comes from eggs to keep me feeling full and energized throughout my day. That being said, there may be times when you don't have access to fresh eggs. In this case, egg substitutes such as tofu or flaxseed meal can serve as viable alternatives in baked goods and other recipes. These vegan-friendly options provide similar nutritional value without having to compromise flavour or texture. No matter which option you choose to go with – whether it's fresh eggs or vegan alternatives – make sure to read up on all the health benefits associated with each one so that you're getting the most out of your meals! Rice Moving on from eggs, I'm now focusing on rice. Rice is a versatile ingredient that can turn into many delicious meals and snacks. A few of my favorite recipes are sushi making, fried rice, rice pudding, rice salad, and even rice cakes! Sushi making is one of the most common uses for cooked white or brown rice. It's also an incredibly fun recipe to make - you get to be creative with what ingredients you want to use! Fried rice is another great way to utilize leftover cooked grains in your kitchen. You just need some vegetables, soy sauce and sesame oil - so delicious! And if you're feeling really adventurous, why not try making a sweet treat using cooked white or brown rice? Rice pudding is always a fan-favorite because of its creamy texture and lovely flavor. Or maybe whip up a light meal like a flavorful vegetable-packed rice salad - perfect for picnics and potlucks alike! Lastly, don't forget about those crunchy little treats known as 'rice cakes'. These are surprisingly easy to make; all you have to do is combine cooked grains with nut butter and honey for a tasty snack any time of day. No matter what kind of dish you decide to make with your cooked grains, there's no doubt it'll be absolutely scrumptious! So let's get cooking – who knows what amazing dishes we'll come up with next? Vegetables I love to make vegetarian dishes! There are so many delicious recipes you can create with vegetables. They don't have to be boring, either – there's a wide variety of flavors and textures available when you work with plant-based ingredients. From spicy curries to savory stir-frys, whatever your taste buds crave, it can likely be made using only veggies. Vegetarian cuisine is not only tasty but also incredibly nutritious. Plant based diets are full of vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants that help keep us healthy and energized throughout the day. By swapping out meat for fruits and vegetables in our meals we’re able to get all the nutrients we need without compromising on flavor or creativity. Making creative recipes with fresh produce is one of my favorite things about cooking. It allows me to explore new flavors while making something that’s both nourishing and satisfying. Whether I'm rustling up a quick lunch or putting together an elaborate dinner spread, I always start by looking at what kind of seasonal veg I've got lying around in my kitchen - from there, the possibilities truly are endless! Cheese I love cheese, and I'm always looking for ways to incorporate it into meals. Grilled cheese is a classic go-to when it comes to quick, cheesy dinners that never fail to hit the spot. It's simple enough just two slices of bread with your favorite kind of cheese in between--and yet there are so many delicious variations you can make! For instance, try adding some thinly sliced tomatoes or even pesto between those two slices of bread; the possibilities are truly endless. Macaroni and cheese is another great way to get my fix of melty goodness. There are tons of recipes out there that involve baking macaroni in a creamy sauce topped with crunchy bits like panko crumbs or fried onions. And if you want something even more indulgent, why not add bacon? The salty pork adds an entirely new level of flavor to this comfort food staple. These dishes may not be as fancy as other things on the menu but they sure do satisfy my cravings for cheese every time. Plus, they're easy enough for anyone to master without any culinary training required! Beans Beans are a great ingredient to add flavor and texture to your meals, but they can also be incredibly nutritious. Healthy bean dishes offer essential vitamins and minerals that can help you maintain overall health. Let's take a closer look at the nutrition facts of beans and some delicious recipes you can make with them! Beans have high levels of protein which is important for building muscle mass and maintaining energy throughout the day. They're also rich in fiber, potassium, folate, iron, zinc, magnesium, manganese, copper, and selenium - all nutrients vital for healthy functioning. Additionally beans contain powerful antioxidants such as flavonoids that may reduce inflammation and protect against chronic diseases like cancer. With so many benefits from eating beans on a regular basis it’s no wonder why they've been eaten around the world for centuries. You can find countless delicious recipes online or create your own creative dish using whatever ingredients are available in your pantry. Whether you prefer spicy refried black beans or a creamy white bean hummus dip there's something out there sure to satisfy every craving! Frequently Asked Questions What Are The Health Benefits Of Each Ingredient? When it comes to nutrition facts and flavor profiles, each ingredient you use has its own set of health benefits. From apples being rich in dietary fiber and vitamin C to garlic being high in antioxidants and having anti-inflammatory properties, there are plenty of reasons why you should be incorporating these ingredients into your recipes. Nutrition facts vary from one to another, but all offer a variety of advantages that can help improve the overall quality of your diet. With careful consideration for flavor profiles as well, you’ll find yourself making healthier dishes with satisfying tastes! What Ingredients Can Be Used As Substitutes For The Listed Ingredients? Not sure what to do when a recipe calls for an ingredient you don't have? Don't worry, there are plenty of vegan alternatives and substitutes that can work in its place. Depending on your dietary restrictions, it's easy to find ingredients with similar flavors or textures as the listed item. For example, if a recipe asks for butter, you can use applesauce instead; if it requires eggs, try using flaxseed meal instead. With some creativity and experimentation, you'll be able to make delicious dishes without worrying about having every single ingredient at hand! What Is The Best Cooking Method For Each Ingredient? When it comes to cooking techniques and food preparation, there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Depending on the ingredient you're working with, different methods may yield better results than others. For example, something like steak is best cooked over a high heat for a short amount of time in order to get that delicious sear and juicy interior. Whereas vegetables are usually best when roasted in the oven at a lower temperature so they cook evenly without burning. Knowing which cooking method works best for each type of ingredient can help ensure your dishes turn out exactly how you want them! Are There Any Recipes That Can Be Made With All Five Ingredients? Are you looking for a recipe that can be made with all five ingredients? If so, there are plenty of options! From flavor combinations to ingredient alternatives, the possibilities are nearly endless. Depending on what flavors and textures you prefer, you could make something like a hearty beef stew or a light vegetable stir-fry. There's even room for experimentation if you want to try something new and exciting - why not create your own unique dish using whatever combination of ingredients strikes your fancy? What Are Some Unique Flavor Combinations With These Ingredients? If you're looking for some creative and unique flavor combinations, these ingredients are perfect. You can create a beautiful presentation by mixing together the right balance of flavors to make something truly special. This type of creativity is sure to impress your family or friends with whatever recipe you put together! Don't be afraid to experiment and find different ways to combine these ingredients in order to get the flavor profile that best suits your taste buds. Conclusion Cooking is a great way to experiment with different flavors and ingredients. With the five ingredients listed, there are so many delicious recipes you can create! From light salads to hearty soups the possibilities are endless. Mix and match these ingredients in various ways to come up with your own unique flavor combinations. Get creative and have fun exploring all the wonderful dishes that can be made with these simple ingredients. Who knows, maybe you'll even discover a new favorite recipe! Read the full article

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thequeenofsheba-blog · 2 years

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Restaurant recommendations in Kiev, Ukraine

ORIGINALLY POSTED IN 2016

Since there is very little on chowhound in terms of recommendations for Kiev, Ukraine, and I am a long-time chowhound user who has been living here for the last three months, I figure I should contribute by giving some recommendations:

Milk Bar- At this point I have eaten most items on the menu. A few of the main dishes are disappointing, like the chicken wrap, but the salads are always tasty, creative, if a bit small in portion size, and the soups are not stunning, but still tasty on a cold day.

Brunch is generally good- the poached eggs with mushrooms is the standout, but the chicken omelette is delicious, as are the sweet potato fritters (though not enough substance to the dish to feel full). The hash browns are throw away. If you like sweets for brunch, their waffles with homemade nutella is dynamite.

Desserts here are definitely a highlight, the chocolate caramel cake is rich but very good, their version of the banana pudding is not quite as addictive as the one from Magnolia's, but it isn't far off. Their cobblers are great, the key lime pie is the right balance of tart and sweet, and the cheese cakes are decent for Ukrainian versions of a truly American dish. Their woopie pie is great as well.

Staff are friendly, and the atmosphere is good.

Kuvshin- probably the best Georgian in town. Their Khachapuris are great, as are their Khinkali (I prefer the veal and pork ones but only slightly). Their Khachapuri-Kubdari is hands down my favourite thing on the menu. Excellent high-end Georgian wines- ask to speak to the sommelier to get a good recommendation. They also have a very drinkable high-end Mukhrani chacha. Nice servers, and great atmosphere. Romantic enough for a good dinner date.

Spotykach- very creative, which sometimes pays off. The salo was decent, though nothing exciting. Their traditional Chicken Kiev is delicious, and their new version, as meatballs in a spaghetti sauce is just as tasty. Their new version of cabbage rolls are delicious. The dumplings are nothing to write home about. Atmosphere is a bit odd, the décor is not too charming.

Vino e Cucina- excellent Italian. You should not miss starting with something from the mozzarella bar- I recommend the burrata with the balsamic sauce. We had a tuna and salmon tartar with avocado that was very tasty, but the avocado was totally unripe and should not have made it onto the dish in a restaurant of this standard. I had a homemade pappardelle with Bolognese that was tasty, and the real highlight wasn’t the sauce, but the pasta which was perfect texture, and perfectly al dente. My partner had the veal tartar which was perfectly seasoned. After the copious meal, we only had room for a ball of homemade salted caramel ice cream for dessert and it was well worth it to round out the meal.

Atmosphere is great, service is good, and the Italian and French wines on the wine list- WOW. Its just a shame the sommelier is a 17 year old kid who doesn’t seem to be much of an expert.

Dogs & Tails- fun place on a weekend, decent cocktails and good music. The hotdogs are yummy but greasy. Once I came for a catered event, featuring lots of vegetarian dishes, and they were really fantastic.

Bao- If you are starved for Asian food, and need to get your fix, this place is ok. But don’t expect anything exceptional. The cocktails are the highlight.

Kanapa- was not overly impressed, though had a decent borscht. They were out of Chicken Kiev, one of their most famous dishes, the night we were there. A bit of an odd atmosphere, feels like you are in your grandmother’s living room.

Yoshi Fujiwara- ok sushi, the one highlight is the tuna selection, including fatty tuna. Unpleasant staff.

Al Faro- everything was underwhelming except for the pizza, which had great crust and toppings. The atmosphere is unexceptional, and I think the place is an overall miss.

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laomelettedufromage · 4 months

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Sexuality is fluid and can change but dear god will I never ever give my family an inch on that because they’ll take the mile

#had a slightly upsetting conversation with my sister🤪#there were other things they were bugging about me that adds to the upset feeling but #the dismissal of my sexuality and my own understanding of my own feelings was definitely a part of it #aroace #aromantic #asexual #by yours truly the omelette of cheese

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tastesoftamriel · 3 years

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Im curious, whats the richest ( both in price and the culinary way) and most decadent food that only the richest of the rich in every culture can eat/afford to have made?

If you've got expensive taste, you've come to the right chef! Growing up with the Thieves Guild meant a love for the rarest and priciest of foods at a young age. These are some of my favourites from around Tamriel, but don't be duped by cheap imposters!

Altmer

Summerset is said to be the most expensive Province in all of Tamriel, both to visit and to live in. However, the food is absolutely worth its weight in gold- literally. A single gryphon egg will set you back at least five hundred Septims, but it's worth every coin. Smooth, naturally flavourful, and guaranteed to make the best omelette on Nirn, it's every food-lover's dream to try this rare delicacy.

Argonians

Longlure eelfin is an enormous ocean fish found only along the coasts off Murkmire, deep in the heart of Black Marsh. It's prized for its lustrous scales, tender meat, and most of all, its caviar. However, these fish are extremely difficult to catch due to their elusiveness and enormous size. However, longlure eelfin caviar is a truly moistening experience, as the Argonians would say.

Bosmer

Marbled, 30-day cave aged timber mammoth steaks are some of the priciest meats you'll ever find, sitting at a whopping seven hundred Septims for a ribeye. Why is it so expensive (aside from size)? Well, the timber mammoths are treated like kings, fed on a diet exclusively of sugarcane and massaged from head to toe on a daily basis. As you can imagine, this is a lengthy and sometimes dangerous process, and the sheer amount of love and labour that goes into a gourmet mammoth steak justifies the cost.

Bretons

High Rock loves its expensive foods, but it's known for its pricey cured hams, made with the finest marbled pork and Rivenspire sea salt. It's usually rolled in a fresh herb crust, smoked, and hung to dry for up to a year, and is best eaten sliced thinly, preferably with a slice of melon and strong blue cheese.

Dunmer

Kwama eggs are a precious commodity, especially since the Red Year. These enormous eggs are mined in caves around Morrowind, and make the most delectable omelettes and quiches I've ever tried. Perfect when scrambled with scuttle and deep-fried garlic scrib.

Imperials

Cyrodiil is home to the finest vineyards in Tamriel (no offence, Summerset), and it stands to reason that the most expensive food is also wine-related. Burgundy parmesan, which is a parmesan washed in wine weekly, is aged in natural caves in the Nibenay Valley for up to fifty years, though is generally considered fit to eat at twenty years. It's a spiritual experience to eat, and is essential for the most upscale charcuterie platters.

Khajiit

Premium-quality moon sugar fetches hefty prices across Tamriel, but Elsweyr is also known for its rare and exotic fruits, such as dragonfruit and bananas. Outside of Elsweyr, fresh tropical fruits are dear and often hard to procure to begin with. I've seen a coconut sold in Windhelm for four hundred Septims! Dragonfruit, mango and coconut-infused mead poured over starfruit gelato is one of my current signature desserts.

Nords

Skyrim is famous for its mead, and also its salmon. Premium cuts of salmon, especially fatty salmon belly, are much beloved for their rich flavour and texture both cooked and raw. Salmon roe is also much loved particularly by the Altmer and Bosmer, and fetches a high price in the respective Provinces.

Orcs

Echatere cheese is an ancient, time-honoured tradition for the Wrothgarian Orsimer, and the most famous type is one infused with tundra truffle. Echatere cheese is typically smooth and mellow, melt-in-your mouth goodness, that pairs beautifully to the delicate flakes of precious tundra truffles. Perfect melted in a toastie or on crackers for a luxury snack!

Redguards

Saffron is one of Hammerfell's most valuable commodities, and dishes containing this previous pollen are fragrant beyond compare. It's also very versatile, making it well worth the coin. My personal favourite saffron dishes include cured vine leaves stuffed with saffron bulgur, roasted saffron chicken with pistachios and apricots, saffron milk pudding, and saffron and honey buns.

#Asks #Food #world building #worldbuilding #the elder scrolls #tes #Text post #Long post #Tastes of Tamriel #tastesoftamriel

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comfyswitcherblanketfort · 3 years

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Hey hey! I absolutely LOVE your writing and I was hoping I could request a prompt. I was wondering if you could write us a little bit about Vesemir taking care of Geralt, Lambert, and Eskel when they get back to Kaer Morhen for winter by making them omelets and any other kind of egg dish that tickles your fancy! Thank you <3

Lol I know this is a little late for the egg discourse, but I have feelings and a lot of bullshit to spew 😂.

-no warnings this is just dumb-

Ves gets home early every year bc he loves to prep for the boys and make sure their beds are stuffed with fresh straw and he has time to beat the cobwebs out of their living spaces and blankets.

In my head Ves has always been the resident spider killer.

He collects a few chickens and two roosters front he nearest town and breeds a whole flock of chickens

There's always eggs in every meal bc protein but also bc there's just so many fucking chickens

He refused to kill his children/grandchildren so the Kaer Morons are the ones to slaughter the chickens when they need one for meals. But he's tries to make sure they hunt more while they can to make the flock last through winter definitely not bc he's gone soft and cares about these chickens

This means HELLA protein and fat loaded meals early in the season bc they gotta use all the eggs which means, you guessed it, ~fluffy witchers~

When each witcher pup shows up they get sent straight to a bath, then when they come to the kitchen there's a massive omelette with all sorts of funky spices and goat cheese and even a lil bit of bacon.

When the boys feel homesick or they're having a particularly shitty day they make themselves an omelette (when they can) bc it's their coming home meal.

But Ves always makes them better

Geralt has to remind him that Jaskier is indeed human and can't have some of the wack ass spices the Witchers eat when he brings him the first winter.

Ves just rolls his eyes, but still nearly kills Jask bc he forgot.

"what did you use almonds for? It smells lovely, I'm just curious."

"Jaskier do not eat that!"

Ves does not need reminding after the look Geralt gives him.

Eskel and Lambert think this is hilarious

Ves buys Jaskier his own little herb seeds and they plant them in a pot in the kitchen

They call this the "human zone"

Jaskier is also very attached to the chickens. This becomes a BIG bonding point for him and Ves

They collect eggs every morning and take care of the birds and talk mad shit about Geralt.

You'd think they'd run out of things to say eventually, but Geralt keeps doing stupid shit, funny or actually annoying, and Jaskier LOVES that Geralt's father figure agrees with him. Even if it's only in grunts.

Every year, Ves releases the last chicken out into the wild. He cant bear the thought of his herd being completely eaten, even if he knows a monster or bear will get it quickly. It's the sentiment, you know?

This being said, I think Ves hates eggs bc they remind him of his boys and his chickens and he misses them over the summer.

Welcome to my brain, this is what the begining of a lot of my fics look like 😂 just absolute rambling nonsense. I'm truly sorry.

#egg discourse #goob squad ily #vess hates eggs #vessimir hates eggs #comfy answers #regan answers

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newtonsheffield · 3 years

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The fact that you called your patient Anthony is hilarious and how we all feel, since we're all just a tad obsessed.

Enchanted was so so amazing! And you added the scene where Ben shows up on a Saturday morning! That was actually going to be one of my asks and the entire scene was brilliant! I can imagine Benedict leaving just as quickly as he came and Kate just resuming her breakfast. Can you tell us about Kathony's conversation and morning in the moments after Ben left?

The fact that I called my patient Anthony is going to be a stress dream in years to come, like the awkward encounter I had with a cashier at a JB HiFi 4 years ago. I have only just returned to that store. It’s been 4 years. I just. Yep.

I’m so glad you enjoyed Enchanted! Benedict crawling into Bed with Kate is truly maybe my favourite scene in this fic tbh. And here’s a little of what happened after he left.

As the door closed behind Benedict, Anthony let out a heavy sigh.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do with him.”

Kate hummed contemplatively still running her hand through Anthony’s hair as she continued eating. Anthony stood and moved around the bed flopping face down next to her. Groaning. He rolled over after several seconds.

“I’m not sure how you have the patience for him every week.” Kate hummed, holding out an omelette laden fork for him.

“Oh he’s harmless, though honestly, I do think he is borderline stalking this poor woman. We’re lucky we haven’t had to get him out of jail for loitering.” Kate said as Anthony chewed. “This is one of your best by the way, did you use a new kind of cheese?” Anthony smiled happily at his fiancée

“It is actually,” he started conversationally “I saw it at M&S and I thought it might go nicely with the bell peppers.” Kate hums again.

“Everyone thinks you’re so scary but you really are very sweet.” She says, smiling softly as she hands him a piece of her toast. Anthony huffs, internally beaming.

“I’m not sweet. I’m roguish and devilishly handsome.” He says wiggling his eyebrows, his heart leaping at the sound of her laughter.

“Well that was never up for debate, but you are also,” she said dropping a kiss on his cheek and ruffling his hair “very sweet.” Anthony hummed, comfortable silence settling between them.

“Thank you though, for helping him.” Anthony says after several seconds. Kate gives him an oddly intense look.

“Technically Lucy is going to help me, help him. She just doesn’t know it yet, but if it gets him to stop laying on Greg’s couch playing Super Mario Brothers every Friday, I think she’ll jump at the chance.” She says glibly, then continues more softly “I just... I thought if I never saw you again I don’t know what I’d do.” Anthony has to swallow a lump in his throat, and his voice is a little hoarse with emotion when he can speak again.

“Luckily, Miss Sheffield, you’ll never have to find out.” Kate’s smile lights up the room as she goes back to eating her omelette.

#bridgerton and sons au #kathony #anthony x kate #anthony bridgerton #kate sheffield #Kate and Anthony being domestic #Anthony loves cooking for Kate don’t come for me #molly’s asks and answers

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mintmatcha · 3 years

Text

9 months, 28 days

Chapter 3 of 10 Months

CW: discussions of death

A/N: this is the end of the beginning! im not sure exactly how long this stories going to be but yolo

The cafe is almost empty, just like always. That’s why they loved this place so much as kids. No one they knew was ever here, sitting in the mothball scented booths- only the occasional elderly couple who didn’t give a fuck that the place hadn’t updated it’s decor since 1995. Clouds rolled in overnight, painting the town a somber grey. Mattsun feels like it should match his mood, but it doesn’t. He’s not sad, he just… is. There’s this weird, turbulent void in his chest where his despair should lie.

Hanamaki’s in the corner when he arrives, nestled into the booth with a mug. He watches the rain trickle down the window, tracing the paths of the drops with his finger tips. It’s very ‘white girl protagonist’ Mattsun decides. Like he’s the star of a Hallmark movie. The void in his chest pulses and he swears, just for a flash, it was warm.

“Hanamaki.” Mattsun slides in across from him.

“Well, lookie here at the big boy in his big boy suit.” Hanamaki taps his nails against the glass, not even looking at his friend. “Did your mom help you pick that out?”

“This is technically a business meeting, so I had to wear something nice.” he explains. “Or else my boss is going to think I’m just screwing around.”

That’s what it feels like. It feels like work. He’s just putting all of this into his little box, so he can file it away in the storage files of his mind. He’ll process it later, when the moment’s right.

Or never.

Makki tents his fingers together, like he’s some sort of super villain. He’s always had this casual, uncaring air about him, but it seems to have developed further into a chaotic mess. “Ah, so you’ve decided to plan my fun-eral.”

The black haired man sighs. “Only if you stop calling it that.”

The waitress wanders up, expecting orders in her typical, unfriendly way. If he didn’t know better, he’d assume it was the same woman from years ago, still equally sick of her job.

Neither of the men look at the menu. Mattsun orders a cheeseburger omelette and a coffee with six sugars, the same horrible thing he’s been getting since high school. ‘The American Experience’, they called it. Makki orders plain toast, notably not the same thing he’s been getting since high school.

“You should eat more,” Mattsun says, “You’re too thin.”

“Who are you? My mom?” he takes a long swip from his mug,

“If I was, I wouldn’t be-” Mattsun stops himself, much to Makki’s delight.

“Oh, please make a dead mom joke. Please.” Makki’s on the edge of his seat, leaning halfway across the table, “My mom would have loved you making a joke about her.”

Mattsun slinks down so far that his knees pump against the booth across from him. “That’s… yeah, you’re right. She would have loved it.”

Mattsun wants to say he misses her, but it doesn't seem fair. To miss Hanamaki Hana would be to miss Hanamaki Takahiro, and he certainly wasn’t allowed to miss Hiro.

Makki looks exactly like his father. He's there in the too thin nose, the gap between his canines and molars, and the clubbed way their fingernails grew.

but his mom's in his idiosyncrasies. She's in the laughter, the winks, the tiny things that make Takahiro himself. Truly a mama's boy, Makki taps his cup against his front teeth the same way she did. It's their thinking face.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Mattsun regains control. His notebook and reading materials jut out against his stomach from their spot in his coat.

“Are you really sick?” It surprises both of them. Maybe it was the thought sitting at the top of his head, maybe he meant to say it. All of this just feels too sudden, too random, Mattsun just can’t quiet his doubts.

This is why the time apart was good; Makki made him do stupid things, made his brain stop working.

“I- uh. Yeah.” Makki's face doesn't change, but his shoulders fall. The tension in his body deflates as he goes back to looking out the window. "You're such a dick."

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You really think I’d lie about all of this?” he laughs, but it's flat, "To do what? To crawl back into your life?"

"That's not what-"

"Newsflash, asshole- I've been doing great without you.” the mug slams against the table, “I've been really, truly, wonderfully happy since-"

The other man picks up one of the pieces of toast and examines it, before carefully ripping the crust off. It’s a delicate procedure, carefully peeling off the edge on one, long piece. Makki opens his mouth to continue, then closes it with a low, thoughtful hum as he rolls the crust into a little ball.

"Makki." Mattsun holds up a finger, pausing the conversation for a moment as the waitress approaches. They sit in silence, mumbling only a quiet thank you as she

drops off the plates. She doesn't seem to notice the tension in the air or if she does, she doesn't care. She pours the coffee carefully, counts out the sugar packets like she's rationing them. As soon as she turns, he sighs and curls his hand into a tight fist, holding it in the air for a second before letting it fall. "Continue."

“This was a dumb idea. Forget I even asked you to do this.” he tosses the bread ball into his mouth and chews, “I’m just gonna go.” Standing suddenly, he grabs his coat from the booth beside him.

This would be the third time he let Makki leave and, according to the time left, the last. Life is fickle, an unpredictable lace pattern made by the people in your life coming and going. Mattsun was used to dealing with the final goodbyes and usually found comfort in it. No more chapters to write, all secrets buried and forgotten- truly, nothing left but what you can see in rose colored glasses.

And yet some part of him- the stupid part, the crazy part, the self loathing part- panics at the thought of seeing this end.

"I know you're better without me." Mattsun sighs, "But I want to help you, if you'll still let me."

“Stop.” Mattsun’s heart pounds so hard, dancing across his skin, that he can barely recognize he’s touching Makki, holding his wrist down against the table. “Sit. Eat."

Makki just raises a brow.

Reluctantly, he complies, but not before he tugs his hand out of his friend's grasp, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a sneer. A boundary has been set- no touching.

"I'll let you." he turns his attention back to the mangled food on his plate, "But only because I want to finish my toast."

"We good?" They are not, but Mattsun prays for a lie.

"For now. But watch yourself." It's a win, albeit a half hearted one. Mattsun pulls a tiny notebook from an inner pocket of his coat and flips through the pages until he reaches the last page; it's the farthest out thing he's planning, of course. It’s marked ‘The Hanamaki Service.’

They let the silence sit between them as they pick at what’s in front of them. The terrain of this relationship is uneven, constantly changing. It’s like hiking a mountain in the winter, Mattsun decides, one wrong move, one noise too loud, and the whole thing will come crashing down,

Why does he even care?

Makki’s happy without him, he’s fine without Makki.

He shouldn’t care, and yet he stays.

The black haired man stabs a hunk of egg and watches the half melted cheese try to stretch. “So, to put it all simply: what our home does for you is the basics: Legal procurement, transportation, preparation, and disposition- you don't have to worry about any of it. We also offer a location for interment and service, depending on the type of service you require, of course."

"Location?"

Mattsun takes a bite. "For the service and for you to, um, rest."

"You mean rot."

Maybe eating wasn’t the right choice for this conversation. The texture of egg now feels wrong in his mouth.

"Don't say it like that." The preservatives slow that down, so the rot won't happen for a long time, he brain reminds him. It doesn't help.

"I already have those places picked out though." Mattsun waits for a joke to follow, but he’s surprised when his friend says, "Bury me near my mom and hold the service here."

"Here?" Mattsun asks, “There’s nicer places.”

"Save a dying business with a dead guy. It's irony."

"Okay, well. That's-" he sighs and scribbles into his notebook. This wasn’t going to be a traditional job, was it? "At least the catering is done then."

"Perfect." Makki pushes away his empty plate, "I'm a natural at this. You should hire me.”

"Long term positions only, sorry." It slips out before Mattsun can censor himself, but Makki just snorts into his tea.

It’s frustrating that they click together so well, especially because nothing’s been resolved between them. One minute everything threatens to break, the next they can sit here and joke with each other. The issues sit there, waiting in the corner of the room, cocked and ready to fire. If they just didn’t look, maybe it wouldn’t hurt when it finally attacked.

If they didn’t look, maybe they can pretend nothing happened.

Mattsun reminds himself that he doesn’t care. There's still that blank space inside him.

“Next step would be flowers.”

It’s not. They should discuss embalming versus cremation, but the words stick to his throat. He’s asked so many times before, stared forward as loved ones debated what to do without a care in the world. This time shouldn’t be different.

“I’ll think about it. Can’t say I know too many flowers off the top of my head.” Makki digs his phone from his front pocket and scrolls, looking through everything before tapping out a quick question. There's a twitch of his brow, barely furrow, but it's gone in a flash. Before Mattsun can even ask, Makki's gathered his coat in his hands. “Gotta go.”

“What? We just started-” The whiplash is what hurts. Just as Mattsun feels like he's found his footing, it's gone again, slipping out from under him. This must be some level of hell

"Something came up." he shrugs, "Don't worry about it."

"I won't."

"You're such an asshole." he says, "You're supposed to at least pretend to care."

Yeah, he knows. That's how life works. But he can't just pretend; it's a gateway to actually feeling.

"I'll try." Mattsun offers, "It was nice to see you."

Makki rolls his left shoulder over and over again, like he's trying to work out a kink. "Was it? Was it really?"

"Kind of."

"Thanks," there's a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "We'll do this again."

And like that, with no formal goodbye, he just starts to leave. Mattsun wants to protest, but he’s grateful. He hadn’t realized how tense he had been, how hard he'd been digging his fingers into his thigh. The void in his stomach somehow feels smaller and larger all at once. He kind of wishes it would just swallow him up and this would all be done with.

It's so easy not to care.

“Oh, and Mattsun?” Makki pauses by the door and picks out a familiar black umbrella that was leaning against the doorframe. He twirls in in his fingers like a baton before pressing the button and letting it unfold. It's bad luck to open an umbrella inside. “Thanks for breakfast.”

Mattsun just looks down at the table. His food is barely touched but he doesn't plan to eat anymore. With his heart in his throat for no good reason, he feels nauseous. Despite himself, he wonders if Makki still smells like cedar aftershave and the discount brand laundry detergent.

“That fucker didn’t pay.”

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sabraeal · 3 years

Text

Traffic Lights Are Burnin’

[Read on AO3]

Written in honor of @nebluus‘s birthday! She asked for some WFB, and of the options I gave she chose the next part of our Six Flags saga...only the beginning scene of that chapter ended up ballooning out into this so...it ended up being less Amusement Park Shenanigans and more Wholesome Boys Will Be Boys Content. I’M SURE MADI WILL BE JUST FINE WITH THAT TOO 😂

“Are you making an omelette?”

English is not, functionally, Mitsuhide’s first language. Not that he thinks of it like that-- first or second, third or fourth; there’s no ranking in his life, no moment in which one language followed another. There was English with Mama and quebecois with Papa; a plan quickly scuttled by Mitsuhide being the fifth Lowen sibling. Refusing to be pigeonholed into a single language no matter how many times Mama repeated consistency is key, his brothers mostly spoke a tossed salad of both and assumed he’d understand the lettuce.

Coupled with the fact that all his cousins lived in Toronto anyway, Mitsuhide had hardly begun talking himself before it became outside quebecois and inside English. Unless they left the province, in which case it was a free-for-all that left his few monolingual aunts and uncles dizzy.

Which is to say, Mitsuhide only becomes aware of the precise inner ranking of his languages in moments like this, where gut immediately kicks out a dry ‘j’essaie.’ The translation is vetoed on the grounds that although in quebecois he’s never met a word he couldn’t steep in sarcasm and smuggle in a sacre, he prefers to keep his English so clean it squeaks.

You’ve got it all backwards, Kihal had told him as he sweltered under the San Juan sun, English is fake, you can be as much of an asshole as you want it in, it doesn’t count.

It’s true, there’s something that’s more real to him in French, that’s more real about him, but, well-- there were far fewer cousins to tattle on his potty mouth this way. And now that he knows Obi...

Well, if Kiki ever made good on her threats to teach him any of his “church swears,” he’d probably never sleep easy again. So instead, he scrolls through his mental rolodex of possible appropriate replies before settling on, “Would you like one?”

Zen glances up from his array of pamphlets, glossy paper glaring beneath the overhead lamp. It matches the way Zen is looking at him. “We don’t have time for that.”

Mitsuhide frowns, giving his eggs one last vigorous whisk before pouring them into the pan. “There’s always time for breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day.”

He glances over just in time to see Zen’s grimace. “Shirayuki really could be your sister.”

There’s really no reason he has to look so horrified by the idea. His brothers may all be broad shouldered, barrel-chested giants, but plenty of his cousins made pocket money in high school through catalogue modeling. And they’re all very nice girls.

He doesn’t mention it. A conversation never ends well if you have to whip out photos of female relatives to prove your point. “Would you like one?” he repeats instead, a safer tactic overall.

Zen’s nose wrinkles beneath some dubiously drawn eyebrows. “Are you putting spinach in there?”

“Kale,” he agrees. “And chicken.”

“In a breakfast omelette?” He clucks his tongue, just the way the Wisteria’s chef would when he attempted to cook at the estate. Quel dommage, he would say, sighing over the cutting board, why would you do that to perfectly good eggs? “Why would you do that?”

Because these muscles don’t come cheap; Mitsuhide chokes down a truly staggering amount of chicken in order to keep them. Roasted, of course-- boiled is technically better for protein, but even he has to draw the line somewhere. The eggs have less, but they are calorie efficient; he’d eat more of them if he could stomach the slimy, snake-like sensation of swallowing them down hard boiled.

But explaining his diet regime usually ended with glazed eyes, so he settles for, “I could always put something different in yours. There’s ham.”

Fancy ham, Obi calls it. It’s just from the deli counter, fresh sliced from whatever quality cut’s on sale, but considering how the first time Obi saw a charcuterie board, he shouted, Oh, Lunchables!--

Well, Mitsuhide can accept that maybe they have different benchmarks for fancy. And somehow just the simple act of calling it that does make it taste better. Or at least more satisfying when it’s shoved between a Hawaiian roll and deli cheese.

There’s a soft shuffle by the kitchen door, and a wild thatch of bristle peeps around the frame. Mitsuhide shakes his head with huff. That’s a new one-- just think the devil’s name and he appears.

Obi lopes into the kitchen, all long limbs and smooth movements, blurring right into the background without any effort at all. He’d gotten Mitsuhide a few times when he’d first moved in, popping up wherever it was sure to be the most inconvenient, grinning like a cat with feathers in its teeth. But once you knew the trick of it, well-- it’s no effort to keep the kid in his sights.

Which is why he has a full, uninterrupted view when Obi slips right up to Zen’s elbow, and asks, “Whatcha doing, chief?”

“Wah!” Pamphlets fly up, a glittering flock of wings swooping beneath the lamp. Zen slaps them down before they can skitter off the table’s edge. “Obi! Make noise for fuck’s sake!”

“Sorry,” he sing-songs, not a sincere note in it. Two long fingers pluck a pamphlet off the wood, twisting it between them. “What’s all this? They starting to put theme parks on exams now?”

“No.” Zen scowls, snatching it out of his hands. “I’m just making today’s itinerary.”

Mitsuhide slides his omelette onto a plate, turning just in time to catch the glance Obi sends him. It somehow says is he fucking with me while also implying I’ll hold him down if we gotta send him to the doctor. “An itinerary?”

He leans a hip against the island, fishing out a fork. What was it Obi always said? Dinner tastes better with a show. Time to find out whether it extends to breakfast too.

Zen fixes Obi with a look that could have had trenches with all its affront. “You can’t go to an amusement park without a plan. How else do you get on all the coasters?”

“It’s only Six Flags New England.” A week ago, the name alone made Obi flee like a cat from a bath, but now every syllable drips with derision, like a sommelier reviewing boxed wine. “They’ve got what? Superman?”

Mitsuhide shoves a corner of his omelette in his mouth. It’s not as good as a sausage, mushroom, and cheese, but, well, it’ll do. “Bizarro.”

“Bizarro.” Obi scoffs. “See? Nothing. Besides, I thought you were the kind of guy to spring for fast passes, boss.”

Zen’s always been sensitive; the sort of kid who tended to pop off when a situation came to a simmer instead of trying to turn down the heat. When Izana had been sitting president, he’s spent half his tenure fielding tense calls, sometimes even climbing into a towncar at a moment’s notice to be taken back east. The school, he’s always say, lifting a shoulder, my brother is proving to be a challenge, and my mother is...unreachable.

He’d thought this Zen kid must be like the ones he knew on the ice, punching first and asking questions later, complaining about being put in the box. All temper and no temperance, Mama used to say when she drove him home, can’t talk when you got plastic between your teeth.

But then he’d met him, undersized and stick-limbed, living in that house with people paid to be invisible. A kid with too much on his shoulders and too many eyes to watch him stumble under it. He’s come a long way from there.

So when Zen squirms in his chair, red already starting to lick up his neck, Mitsuhide doesn’t enjoy it. On the contrary, Zen’s discomfort is his discomfort, a failure of him to keep the watchful eye on him that Izana asked him to.

But it also doesn’t stop him from adding, “Shirayuki believes that waiting in line is part of the amusement park experience.”

Obi looks as though he’s just been told it’s his birthday and Christmas, all rolled into one. “Of course she does.” His mouth sharpens to a wicked grin. “So you’ll be lowering yourself to the peasant’s lines today, huh, Your Highness?”

“Don’t call me that,” he grumbles, swatting him away. “No one’s being lowered anywhere. We won’t be running into any of them so long as we get there early and hit the coasters in the right order.”

Obi coughs. Or at least, makes it sound like he is. “Uh-huh.”

“Where is Shirayuki anyway?” Zen glares at the empty doorway, brows heaving like thunderclouds over the bridge of his nose. “I thought you said you’d get her.”

“I did.” Obi twitches his shoulders; as good as a shrug, from him. “She’s getting ready.”

“It’s been fifteen minutes.” Zen’s glare changes target to him, thunder rolling in the tone of his voice. “Shirayuki doesn’t take this long to get ready.”

When Mitsuhide glances up, chewing around another stab of egg, kale, and chicken, Obi’s eyebrows are already there to meet him. His head tilts, just the barest degree; this is your show, big guy.

Mitsuhide coughs, trying to clear his throat of leaf bits. “Girls,” he starts, the ground sinking beneath him with each word, “like to look nice. Especially when they are on, uh, dates.”

“This isn’t a date,” Zen informs him, more than a little put out. “Obi’s going.”

The sound Obi makes can only be termed as distressed. “I didn’t want to.”

For exactly this reason, is what he doesn’t say. Doesn’t even show it on his face, though it has to be lurking beneath it, considering how he--

Well, considering nothing Mitsuhide knows for sure. But certainly a few things he reasonably suspects.

“Chief.” Obi flips the chair next to him, straddling it. “You know, I really thought it couldn’t be true. I really wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. But to hear you now--” he leans in, one narrow brow raising the same time his voice drops-- “you really do chicken out when it comes to getting chummy with Doc.”

Mitsuhide nearly chokes on his chicken.

Zen’s red all over, like someone pulled him from a boiling pot and put him on a plate. “You don’t know that.”

“Sure I do,” he says, so easy. “Doc told me.”

“She said that?” His skin’s so flushed Mitsuhide’s half afraid he’ll pass out, but instead he just collapses against the ladderback, head buried in his arms. “Shirayuki?”

“Pretty much.” Obi sighs, hands braced on the table. “I mean, is it so hard to say she looks nice when she dresses up? Or that you like her hair, or--” he stumbles, shaking his head-- “no, not the hair. Too loaded. But you know, one of her floaty little numbers. Her freckles. Something.”

“I have!”

Obi lifts a dubiously narrow eyebrow. “Like when?”

“Ah...” Whatever the answer is, it’s not helping his blood flow problem. Mitsuhide nearly opens his mouth, searching for a good way to make himself a target-- “The Big E.”

Well, there goes that plan.

Obi’s inquisition crumples into confusion. “What? When did you--”

Every word ekes into the air with the utmost resistance. “When she was wearing your hoodie.”

“When she was wearing my--?” Gold eyes round to coins. “Chief.”

For a solid minute, that’s the only reaction-- wide-eyed disbelief, earned from two sides. But Obi coughs, mouth twitching, and it’s a snort, a smirk, and--

And then Obi launches himself away from the table, both hands still gripping the edge as he falls apart utterly. The chair’s back keeps him from putting his head between his knees, but spiritually he’s there, tears tracking down his cheeks as his laughs wheeze out of him

One hand finally slaps the table, like he’s asking for a time out. Zen frowns down at him, red finally fading to a painful pink. “It’s not that funny.”

“It is,” Obi squeaks, and Mitsuhide has to shove his last bite of omelette into his mouth to stifle his own noises. It’s no good-- Zen whips around and gives him the same glare he’s been saving for Obi.

“If you don’t cut it out,” he says loftily, “I’m going to let a freshman stay in your room.”

Well, that brings Obi up. “Fine,” he coughs, voice still ragged from laughing. “But still. My hoodie.”

“The sleeves hung over her hands! It was cute.” Zen huffs, folding his arms over his chest. “Fine, if I’m so bad, why don’t you two show me how it’s done?”

There’s a pause, long and loaded; enough that Mitsuhide glances up from his plate to see just what tomfoolery he should brace himself to break up--

Only to find Zen staring at him.

Intellectually, Mitsuhide is aware that Zen is a Wisteria. He met him through Izana, after all; he’s been over to the manor, he’s even met their prodigal mother on one of her rare stopovers between vacations. But when he thinks of the name, it’s Izana who springs to mind, the gears churning behind his eyes.

It’s not often that Zen reminds him of his brother; Cookie’s always said that Izana takes after their mother with that long and lean model build, while Zen has always been Kain’s child. But now, now--

He sees it, and it sends a shiver right through him.

With a quirk of his lips, Zen says, so like Izana that if he closed his eyes he wouldn’t know any different, “You first, Mitsuhide.”

Obi’s mouth curves into a leer. “Yeah, Big Guy. Show us the skills that got you Ms Kiki.”

This probably isn’t the time to tell them that it wasn’t him who got her; Mitsuhide hadn’t been trying to do anything more than be the friend she needed, to be a person she could confide in, could trust. People like that were thin on the ground for girls like her; heiress tended to make men see dollar signs instead of personality. But Kiki--

Well, she had other ideas. Ones he’d only cottoned onto when she climbed on top of him and shoved him against the couch cushions with her mouth.

“D-Don’t look at me!” he manages, trying to busy himself with anything. But there’s only a plate to be put in the sink, and a pan to be wiped. Not enough to fake a decent amount of responsibility. “I’m not--”

“Aw, c’mon, Big Man. Don’t leave us hanging.” Obi leans back, grin so wide it practically splits his face. “Lemme paint the scene. You’re single, Doc is adorable, and she’s waiting there--” he gestures to Zen, who flutters his eyelashes in precisely the way Shirayuki doesn’t-- “for you to make your move. Go!”

He could point out he’s not single, and that he doesn’t have any plans to change that anytime soon-- but that only ends in one way: a two-pronged mockery with additional ridicule provided by the impending arrival of his better half. He could also point out that of all the people in this room, he’s the only one who hasn’t wanted to date Shirayuki, but-- well, the problems with that one were obvious.

Instead, Mitsuhide takes in a deep breath, learns on the counter, and says, “Why, Shirayuki! You’re looking beautiful this morning. Those shorts really flatter your legs.”

There is a long silence, and then to everlasting embarrassment, they burst out laughing.

“Her shorts?” Zen’s hand is pressed to his chest, like he needs support to keep upright. “That’s all you can think of? Her shorts?”

“Well, Obi said not to do her hair,” he protests. “Complimenting her dress seemed like low hanging fruit. I was trying to be unique.”

Obi doesn’t even bother to remain horizontal, sprawling himself over the long forgotten maps. “So you went for her legs?”

“There’s nothing wrong with legs!”

“Oh, no, of course not,” Zen sputters out in an effort to keep his mouth straight. “Definitely a very neutral place to comment on.”

“Definitely not known for being attached to things like asses.” Obi’s mouth twitches, as much a sign for danger as thunder rolling in the distance. “Or puss--”

“I was not trying to comment on that.” He’d felt bad for Zen earlier, but the sentiment doesn’t seem mutual. “It’s not typical, sure, but Kiki never seems to mind when I compliment--”

“Kiki?” Zen squawks. “Kiki?”

“Well, I think we’re all learning a little too much about Big Guy today,” Obi wheezes. “Mainly that it’s Ms Kiki that chased him, and not the other way around.”

“Yeah.” Zen shakes his head, long and slow and solemn, like a doctor about to give a terminal diagnosis. “No game at all.”

Mitsuhide’s not a competitive man. Sure, he was forward on the ice, the kind of player that got sent to the box before the end of the first half and slid right into the captain spot when it was vacant. Aggression is part of the game, competition laced in every turn of his skate and lift of his stick, but that’s a different situation, a different language--

But it’s that part of him that surges beneath his skin right now, that makes him want to saunter over and put both hands on that rickety, painted wood until it creaks. That makes him want to take a full minute to bend down, showing off every centimeter of his one-ninety plus, and ask real low if either of them has made a girl beg on their cock lately, but--

He puts it in its place. That sort of talk always sounded better en français anyway.

Zen waves his hand, slipping his pamphlets out from under Obi. “Anyway, enough messing around. Are you still making omelettes, Mitsuhide?”

“Ohh, omelettes?” Obi spins to him with wide eyes. “Can I get mine with fancy ham?”

Mitsuhide blinks. “Wait, aren’t you going to do your take?”

“Nah.”

Zen shrugs. “Joke’s over.”

“So I just did that for no reason--?”

“I wouldn’t say no reason,” Zen wheedles. “It was very educational.”

Obi grins. “Mainly about how Big Guy likes legs--”

“Oh,” drawls a voice that makes his body go cold and hot at the same time. When he turns, it’s Kiki leaning against the jamb, a single elegant brow raised, excusing amusement and menace in equal measure. “Am I to take it that the show is over?”

“K-kiki,” he stammers. “How long--?”

“Hm.” She saunters over to the counter, slipping onto a stool with a casual grace that still leaves his mouth dry. “Long enough. I have to admit, I was looking forward to seeing a display of Obi’s fabled moves.”

“Ms Kiki,” Obi simpers, pressing a hand to his chest. “I’d be happy to give you a personal demonstration anytime.”

Both her brows raise. “Did I say I was desperate?”

He’s saved from Obi’s answer by Shirayuki padding into the kitchen, flushed and breathless. “Oh, you were right Kiki! Everyone is already ready. Sorry to make you wait.”

There’s a hesitation in the air, and Mitsuhide can’t figure it out, not until he sees-- she’s wearing shorts.

Shirayuki blinks. “Is something wrong?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Kiki hums, sending him a gaze so wicked it should be illegal outside the bedroom. “Do you have anything to say to her, Mitsuhide?”

“No!” It comes out a little too harsh, a little too loud. “I mean, I, uh...like your sandals!”

“Sandals,” Obi snickers, a sound that’s only covered by Zen’s hushed, “Shut up.”

“Oh!” She blinks down. “Thank you. I got them at Payless. I, um, don’t think they make them in your size.”

“No,” he manages mildly. “I don’t imagine they would.”

“You do look real cute, Doc,” Obi chimes in, slinking out of his seat to circle around her. “Did you dress up for today?”

Zen makes a noise, somewhere between a choke and a gasp, but even with the pink brushing her cheeks, Shirayuki’s too used to his antics to do much more than sigh.

“Of course I did, Obi.” Her fists perch high on her hips, cocked as she talks to him. “It’s the last time we’re all going to be going out together, isn’t it? What could be more special than that?”

Mitsuhide may not be a competitive man, and especially isn’t a malicious one, but when Obi’s jaw goes slack, the tips of his ears darkening just the slightest bit, well-- he does indulge in the slightest bit of schadenfreude.

“Well,” Zen says, a little sharp. “Let’s get going.”

“Aw!” Obi whips around. “What about fancy ham?”

“I don’t think you need--”

“Oh, I haven’t had breakfast either!” Shirayuki adds, eyes wide. “Do we have time?”

Zen hesitates, and then with a sigh, relents. “We’ll stop at Dunkies.”

#obiyuki #akagami no shirayukihime #snow white with the red hair #The Wide Florida Bay #modern au #my fic #ans #mitsuhide gets so few POVs in the fic I can't help but let them get away from me okay #he's a gift #the actual six flags chapters are gonna have rotating POV #and it was just supposed to START with him #but then i was like WHAT IF I INCLUDED THE SCENE FROM BEFORE THE CANON DATE #and now we are here

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