#my wig has been snatched

[brownfrogs]

me after reading Hanzo’s ascendent story

[space-ace-corvid]

Wednesday's first clue was that Enid just can't cook.

[rendellstreet]

Xiaolin Showdown would've been so much better if Jack Spicer acted just as mean, snarky, and catty as he did with the monks and Wuya with Chase Young. He would've gagged him so bad.

[strawberrisoulmate]

judging from your f/o list im gonna say you’re sweet and caring (maybe a little too caring) and you might be shy/have anxiety. you want kids / are a motherly person. you’re a romantic and like pda. you’re willing to give people a second chance even when they might not deserve it. i wanna guess that your preferred love language is quality time or physical affection. you also like men with big tits !! i hope at least some of this accurate

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

GOD THAT UNDERTAKER VOICE SHIFT THO

like............ am I blushing or am I blushing 😩

[heartfullofleeches]

Femboy Zombie Yan who's the cutest boy...when he's wearing his makeup/disguises. His lips have mostly rotted away, right eye plucked clean from its socket likely at the time of his demise. His hair is neck length, but he had been growing it out longer and it never reached the length he wanted before his death so he wears wigs to make up for what he could've had... Face masks hide the "little blemish" disrupting his beauty and he swaps between a prosthetic eye or an eye patch depending on his mood.

Eating human flesh returns him to that gorgeous doll he once was and eases his temper for a time which is why he never approaches his darling in an empty stomach.

Creep Reader has zero interests in him when he's healthy and pretty looking.... They're unnerved by his adorable face and that captivating eye staring back at them. He just wants them to look at him, but they refuse. Everyone always tells him how cute he is, why can't they?

Heartbroken and determined, he fails to take the weather in account as he pursues the love of his afterlife - a strong gust of wind snatching his protection from him right before their very eyes.

"Ah! My mask! Don't look at me... Don't look!.... Eh, y-you want me to smile?.... You think I'm cuter this way? Even with all this flesh between my teeth? Oh, love - I knew you were the one for me!"

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

Miraculous ladybug season 5 episodes (released so far) guide:

For my lovely friends who cannot recall which episode is which (sidenote, if you havent seen season 5 please remember that a very brief memory-jogging summary is not gonna give you full context and please just watch the show if you wanna know what’s going on)

Evolution: time portals, gabi chooses violence against teenagers over saving his loved ones, alix is put into witness protection

Multiplication: Alliance is announced, Adrien quits his job, no one can find Félix

Destruction: Gabi attempts to doxx Ladybug but is foiled by the power of scavenger hunts. Then he cataclysms himself

Jubilation: gabi uses spyware to doxx ladybug real? psyche! It’s just marinette’s old friend in a costume! Also Ladynoir gets married and has four kids and then gets divorced and never speaks of it again

Illusion: “i’ll make you pancakes any day, son.” Gabi is so divorced and in a custody battle. Nino creates the Resistance and akumatizes Gabi on purpose for intel

Determination: adrientte goes back to the wax museum with luka and kagami as wingmen. Marinette fails the date successfully by finally deciding that chat noir is so hot

Passion: Natalie gives Adrien romance advice and gets akumatized on purpose to fight her ex-husband. Ladynoir kwami swap happens.

Reunion: old-fashioned stuffy ladybug calls chat noir a silly little clown boytoy but ladybug will not be stopped from loving him even more

Elation: glaciator 3.0

Transmission: crying sobbing in bed, love confession, rejection, the kwamis decide the depression has gone too far

Deflagration: kittybella, gay rights, five seconds of ladrien, that adrinette hand-raising thing, my entire life

Perfection: “i love moo,” dolphin love song, kagami turns into a cloud for a minute

Migration: luka goes into witness protection

Derision: marinette traumatic backstory reveal. Adrien tries to maim a man

Intuition: gabi is dying. This is his own fault. They are in outer space

Protection: adrinette cute picnic date, look how polyamorous-coded they can make kagami

Adoration: power of lesbians so strong it convinces marinette to say i love you to her boyfriend

Emotion: diamond dance, argos reveal, red moon, laying on the floor bathed in moonlight and wailing rights

Pretension: kagami is slightly kidnapped but then takes over her own kidnapping and gets to trauma dump. Marinette insults Gabi’s pancakes

Revelation: someone Finally gets doxxed! It is Gabi. Lila becomes a conspiracy influencer and a class rep

Confrontation: lila tries to ruin everyone’s lives by messing with their class schedules. marinette is 12,000 steps ahead of her. Lila’s wig is snatched

Collusion: evil police robots are a thing. Bustier is a confirmed lesbian who craves the proletariat uprising. Ladynoir says guillotine the elites. chloe is mayor. Superheroes are illegal.

That’s all that’s been released as of today (may 28, 2023)! Please dont mention leaks on this, this is just a reference for keeping track of released episodes, okay thanks!

[rorithetori]

do you have any fry headcanons? my mind has been a constant loop of his scenes since i saw the movie 🥺 love himmm

Same, Fry deserved more of a leading role sane as Melisha and even more because he was the one who created and financed that idea. Anyways im grateful for at least having him

Anyways (x2) 😮‍💨

HEADCANONS BABYY:

-Due to the pressure that his university studies caused him, Fry developed surprising stress management.

-Teachers Pet

-He fluently talks Hindi and English

-TEATHER KIDD definetly a teather kid i can see him using theather as an scape from the academical stress as well as a way to show his repressed feelings i can also seeing him snatching sum wigs over the main character's role

-The type of person who is always smiling and doesnt care about anything in life is very rare seeing him angry or upset for something

-he just married melisha just because she was pretty and didn't worried or ran away when she heard the evil things he did.

-He was bad with animals from a very young age, so he didn't care much about using chickens for his experiments.

-more than a married couple theyre bestieessss💅🍿👑⛳️ They understand each other and all that good stuff.

-Manipulative probably more than melisha i mean THIS MAN STUDIED BEHAVIORAL SCIENCE + PSYCHOLOGY or sum like that i dont remember sorry yall havent seen the movie for a while 😞 So he knows how to get what he wants as well going even deeper probably how he acted in the canon movie was just a fake behaviour to give Melisha a fake sense of power.

-SMILING RED FLAG ⛳️⛳️

-stress make him bald 👩‍🦲

FUNFACT NOBODY ASKED FOR :DDDD

-when he first was announced i really though he was gonna be like Melisha's nephew or sum (since like ginger had a daughter so it would be like second gen stuff ??????) He would make the nugget company as a way to please his aunt's desires to take revenge on the chickens...dont ask me of more details abt this yall cause aint remembering if you wanna see him there is a drawing on my insta

I'd probably put more hc and stuff in here, if you wanna talk about Fry or Melisha or Chicken run in general im here to answer those questions 👍

Anyways bye yall 💕💕

[jmdbjk]

Mid-year recalibration

It's been a year since Festa Dinner 2022. A LOT HAS HAPPENED SINCE THEN.

And on January 1, 2023, I posted my "predictions" for the year. "Predictions" in quotes because most everything I write is sort of slightly unserious, not to be taken TOO seriously, begs for you to please use your common sense... also I haz a little sarcasm dripping here and there when I express my thoughts. Drip, drip.

So let's see the status of my "predictions":

Solo albums... wellll, I sort of got that right, Jimin's FACE was released before Yoongi's D-Day. We're still waiting for Tae and Jungkook. RM keeps putting off enlistment to work on new music. I'm gonna have to drag him by the ear to training camp... get yer ass in there so you can come back sooner than later!! But we did get to see him for Festa and I'm thankful for that.

New prediction: Jungkook comes through with a chart topper that doesn't involve a collab.

Speaking of Tae, I said he'd do more acting before music and though it's not really acting, he's been in a few reality TV shows: "In the Soop: Friendcation" and "Jinny's Kitchen." There are rumors he was spotted on the set of a K-drama and now possibly he was in Spain for a movie...or was that for an upcoming solo MV? Surely he'll have at least a little bit of music before he enlists? Honestly, I wouldn't mind seeing him actually acting in a drama... we wait.

New prediction: Piano bar listening party for his solo release.

Military enlistment... wow so far I've struck out. Joon is still hanging around. Yoongi has extended his world tour (which I'm happy to say I've been to a concert). And HOBI IS ALREADY ENLISTED....

😭

So 3 strikes I'm out because obviously their enlistment timing is unpredictable. Right now I'm just hoping that by May 2024 (yes almost a year from now) they'll all be in so we can have a New Year group reunion on Dec. 31, 2025. Of course, I hope they go much sooner though it kills me to know we have to watch them enlist again and again.

My other predictions were hit and miss:

Yoongi did cut his hair so I was wrong about that. Also sad. I loved his long hair. And this NBA ambassadorship came outta left field. The D-Day world tour was the bomb he dropped on us, his big project. Oh well, guess there won't be any tangerine soju coming from his non-existent citrus orchards. Ha!

Hobi DID release more music, On the Street, and it WAS a collab with J. Cole. AND he became fashion ambassador for his fave: Louis Vuitton. God I miss him so much. Instagram is so quiet without him. Everything is so quiet without him.

We finally got PJM1 and it has a name now, FACE and Like Crazy has broken records. Jimin as an artist has broken records as we knew he would and he is still making music. And he's travelling the world being a Dior and Tiffany ambassador and snatching everyone's wig, eating everyone alive and just being Jimin. His constant happy smile has been the most meaningful thing to me this year. I'm so thrilled he is happy.

Jungkook... the Bunkoo has stumped me. The Calvin Klein contract is amazing. His spontaneous lives have been wonderful. Cooking for us has been awesome. None of that could have been predicted. He's the sweetest king of spoilers and support for Jimin's stuff. I also did not predict I would love him even more this year. But here we are.

NOT ON THE PREDICTION RADAR WHATSOEVER:

Jimin on a Fast & Furious franchise soundtrack collab. I NEED MORE JIMIN!

Tae and Jennie "soft" revealing their relationship publicly. Like WHAT? But they did that.

Also blonde Tae... I never thought we'd see a blonde Tannie again.

Attending a Suga/Agust D concert and meeting up with Army friends I met on the internet. HIGHLIGHT OF THE YEAR!

[I can't believe I saw Yoongi in real life. This close.]

2023 is already half way over. I have no idea what will happen this second half of 2023. It's a mystery.

As much as I am reveling in having so much to look forward to every day and every week, and as much as I wish this didn't have to happen...I (selfishly) really want them to get enlisted so they can be back together as soon as possible in 2025 (at any point in 2025). The first time I see them together in 2025, I am going to cry with relief. However I am always the first to say BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR so I know I shouldn't even been saying any of that...

Anyway...

I guess at the end of December, I will be looking back and saying "well, who would have thought THAT would happen?" More of "not on the prediction radar." By December, Jin will only have six months left. Time is flying faster than I thought it would when back on June 13, 2022. After that heartbreaking Festa dinner, we were staring down a bleak two and a half years of being Bangtan-less....well that didn't happen did it?

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Hello this is my third time trying to send an ask! Hopefully this time Tumblr doest have a fucking stroke lmao

You've shared some thoughts on this already I think but do you think you could give us more grotty deets about how Aemond tugs off? Im talking technique, pace, thoughts, movements, does he twist his wrist, etc etc etc and also do you see him breathlessly saying he's close when he's shagging his partner/spouse? I can see him saying "don't stop" followed by an even quieter "please" when he's being rode, what do you think? This isn't like a request or anything just really love all the grotty body parts you and your friends have written about (;

Christ, the force with which this ask snatched my wig was crazy lmao Everything landing in my asks recently has been relatively tame, so I had to take a beat to switch gears. This is truly monstrous, and I love it. Alright, let's hop to it and discuss how Aemond beats his meat...

I think there is likely a little bit of shame for Aemond when he beats off. He's been raised with the religion of the Seven, so will have been led to believe that touching yourself is all kinds of dirty, bad and wrong.

With this in mind, when he does succumb to the urge to tug himself off it will be something he wants to get out of the way as quickly as possible, to reduce the risk of getting caught and not prolong what he perceives to be something morally questionable.

He'll pound his dick like it owes him money - quick, short strokes that see his fist fly so quickly over his disco stick it's almost a blur. I don't think his mind focuses on anything specific other than how good it feels. It's probably the only time his mind is genuinely quiet.

It won't be until he finds a partner that introduces things like cupping his balls, swiping their thumb across the head, etc. and he experiences how good it feels that he'll start to experiment more when he's by himself.

I can definitely see him letting slip a "fuck!" through gritted teeth when he's close, but I don't think he'd announce it. Just pull his partner close, bury his face in their neck and nut like his life depends on it lol

[lokisprettygirl]

The Bodyguard (Loki x Female reader) (Au) (18+)

Read chapter 37 here// Series Masterlist

Chapter 38

Summary : Your wedding day is finally here and Loki have just one chance to save you but will he be successful in saving himself?

Warning : 18+, Heavy Daddy kink, Smut, Violence, Mentions of self harm, murderous thoughts, Mention of Suicide, Rape, abuse, sexual violence, Harsh language, bodyshaming, fatshaming, mention of neglect and abuse, emotional abuse, Unhealthy Eating Patterns, blackmail, starving and under eating, implied smut, mention of drug use, some weird feeding kink I’m (loki is) developing, short chapter

On the day of your wedding, you woke up, showered and that was all the time you had to be alone, well at least on your own. You looked around the bedroom as you knew you would never come back here, no matter how awful it has been since your mother died, you had spent your childhood here and made good memories with her. Not to forget the every sweet moment you have spent with Loki here, your relationship with him bloomed right in the walls of this room. More and more everyday.

You had to drive to the venue and you didn't get to be with Loki as Katlyn accompanied you. His car and other guards were following yours and as soon as you got into the assigned room where they were supposed to doll you up for the wedding, you didn't even get a moment to breathe. 

Your hair and makeup was done and then you put the dress on, all of it would have felt like a dream if you were actually getting married to the true love of your life. And that made you wonder if he ever wanted to do that with you.

Noticing the commotion outside The plaza hotel made you even more terrified. There was press, so many guests, and the event was supposed to be sold on some networking platform you didn't care enough to learn about. 

When you got ready, you were taken to the room downstairs where you were supposed to wait before your entrance, Loki had already done his part of the planning so you asked your bridesmaids to give you privacy because you needed to be alone in there. The plan was simple, You had to get out of the dress, put the wig on, get into a different set of clothing, take your bag out from the closet and sneak out of the emergency window in the bathroom. Peter would be waiting to take you to a safe place somewhere while Loki would handle the situation here. 

But that's what you feared the most, him being here, he was your bodyguard and they'd question him the first thing.

As soon as you got inside the room you changed out of the wedding dress, put on a tracksuit with the wig on, put the glasses on and sneaked out of the bathroom, Loki had already got his men taking care of the camera outside the bathroom exit. You needed an invitation to get in and out of the hotel since your day literally owned it for the day so you made sure you had one with a fake name, you wrote the invitation yourself.

Your heart was thumping inside your chest as you walked past people you recognised, several of your relatives and friends of your father's. You kept your gaze down throughout so nobody would get suspicious and you were only able to breathe once you stepped out of the main entrance. You looked around and then walked away a few meters to get inside the car waiting for you. Peter drove off immediately and you finally took a deep breath as you melted into the seat. That was the scariest thing you have ever done in your life.

"Damn that was stressful huh" he said to you and you looked at him as you sighed,

"What are we doing Pete?" Your eyes teared up as the seriousness of the situation finally hit you. What were you doing and how did you even get such strength to do this? The answer was very clear to you, Loki, without him you wouldn't even think of this, you had given up on yourself and this whole life before you met him.

"We are saving your life my dearest" 

"I should call him.. I'm so worried" he snatched the phone from your hand and turned it off immediately.

"Noo you can't do that, do what he asked you to do alright? We can't screw this up now" he told you sternly and you nodded. There was no room for any fuck ups here.  

You took out the sim card from your phone and threw it out the window, then after you two have driven for a few miles, Peter took your phone, stepped out and he destroyed it as well, Loki knew they'd try to track you as soon as they realized you're missing. 

"Stop freaking out y/n, it will be okay" Peter said to you as he got in and you looked at him,

"You think? I'm shitting bricks here, what must be happening there? Do you think they are aware by now that I'm not in the room?" 

"Probably..and I'm supposed to be in Namibia..let's see what's happening" 

He turned the tv system on and you flipped through the news channels, nothing as of yet. That was a good sign, because you knew your dad and you knew he'd try to keep this matter away from the media just like he did with your mother's death.

You just prayed that he was okay, your eyes welled up again as you thought about your Loki.

Loki called Steve when you didn't open the door and he came running along with his family, Rocky and Suzzanah came too, they were all worried that you had died or something.

"She's her mother's daughter for god's sake..break the damn door" Rocky yelled so Erik called a guard to break open the door, 

"You were right here, did you not hear anything?" Steve grabbed Loki by the collar as he questioned him.

"She went inside and needed her privacy, I didn't hear anything, I have been trying to call her but it's unreachable" Loki answered him.

"A fucking bodyguard, you're useless" he punched Loki in the face but he didn't retailate on purpose, then Steve let go of him and as soon as the door opened they all hoarded inside, you weren't there, Loki looked at Erik and he seemed nervous too so he assured him with his eyes. 

"She's gone, I can not believe this, that fucking bi–" Steve ate his words as Rocky looked at him, the wedding dress was on the floor in the middle of the room and they figured that you fled from the bathroom window, Rocky immediately called for the surveillance footage but the camera outside the bathroom exit was not working. 

"What are we going to do?" Steve sat down on the couch, he was carrying alot of anger and he would murder you if he knew where you were right now.

"We need to find her, what are we going to tell everyone, the press is out there, the wedding was supposed to broadcast live on CNN, this is ridiculous" Mason yelled and Rocky sighed, he should have known you wouldn't just get married to Steve so easily. He should have been careful with you.

Rocky called his publicist immediately and he told him to fake a heart attack so the wedding could get postponed. Nobody can know that you're missing.

"Bring him to me" Rocky told Erik and pointed towards Loki and that's when Loki actually felt nervous. That made so him scared, he has been through this before and his nerves were wrecked in that moment. Did he fuck up somehow? Was there something Loki has done that made Rocky doubt him? 

Erik took Loki to Rocky's room and Steve was already there pacing back and forth while Katlyn was scrolling through her phone. She didn't care about the situation at all. Rocky asked Erik to leave .

"You have been following her for months now, was she seeing someone else?" Rocky was sitting on the sofa lighting up a cigarette while Loki stood a few feet away from him.

"No sir, there wasn't anyone else, not that I know of" 

"Wait a second" Steve exclaimed and glared at Loki for a moment before he shifted his gaze towards Rocky.

"Peter, he left yesterday right? What if she ran away with him? Her old flame, something must have happened between them in past few days" Rocky hummed in response as he thought about it.

"Bro relax, Peter hates her and he's in Namibia, he sent me the picture as soon as he landed" Loki couldn't have been more thankful that she wasn't very smart.

"Where the fuck is she then huhhhhh?" In the fit of rage, Steve picked up a vase and threw it in the corner of the room. 

"Get our men out there instead of wasting time here. Airport,station, she won't get out of the city. And she'll definitely use the card at some point" Rocky told Steve and he immediately stormed past Loki bumping him in the shoulder which made Loki wince as he was already hurt. 

He also asked Katlyn to step outside of the room leaving only Loki in there.

"I should leave too" Loki mumbled and turned around but Rocky stopped him, for some reason he had a bad feeling about this.

"Not you, you can't leave" 

You destroyed your credit cards as well on the way. Peter drove you to a safe house outside the city and you spotted a middle aged man who was looking at you two .

"Wait, I don't even know this man, is he nice? A rapist? A kidnapper?" You mumbled nervously as you looked at the man on the porch outside the house.

"Y/n.. Loki asked me to get you here, he won't let you get hurt" you nodded as he said that, you hugged him and his eyes teared up, he quickly pulled away and kissed your forehead.

"He really does make you happy huh" your own eyes teared up as you nodded. He really did and you hoped you made him happy too. 

"Peter I..I wish things were different with us–" 

"It was my fault y/n, besides i don't think I could ever love you as much as he does" you looked down as you nodded. There was a time when you envisioned your whole life with him but then you were just a kid.

"You're a very good friend Pete, thank you. Will I see you again?"' You asked him and he smiled.

"Someday yeah of course I'll find you don't worry, I'm good at stalking" you chuckled as he said that.

"Okay be careful please" you smiled and grabbed your bag to get out of the car. As he drove off you walked towards the house and the man approached you,

"Anthony Stark..you must be y/n" he introduced himself and you smiled. That was Loki's boss. He took you inside the house and then showed you around. 

"The fridge is stocked up, all you have to do is warm up the food, there are snacks and drink, if you need anything, my number is here, there's a telephone in the bedroom and some money in the drawer but don't try to get out on your own" you nodded as he spoke hurriedly.

"I feel like I have seen you before" you mumbled and he looked at you confused.

"I try to stay low key..no pun there. I mean I definitely have seen you, my daughter follows you on that thing..what's it's called..latergram?" He scratched his head and you chuckled.

"Instagram?" 

"Yeah right" 

You smiled as you nodded and so did he. 

"Can you talk to Loki and see if he's okay?" Your eyes teared up as you thought about him and his adorable face, you just wanted him close to you, safe and away from your horrible family. The thought of him being hurt by them was making you anxious and nauseous.

"He'll be fine don't worry, I have to go so keep the door locked and don't open it for anyone except Loki " 

"Not even you?" You looked at him confused and his furrowed his brows. 

"Except me and Loki " 

"Oh okay" 

You locked the door and looked around, it was a two storey house. Poor people's house but it seemed cozy, that's how you wanted your place with Loki to look like. You felt hungry but you couldn't even get a bite in, thoughts of him getting hurt was keeping your heart in your throat. 

And then hours passed, hours, but he didn't come back. You were losing your mind and the thoughts of him being in trouble or worse was killing you. You can't lose him and after everything he has done for you, you wanted to worship him all his life, love him like he has never been loved before, take care of him in every way he deserved to be taken care of but what if he never comes back? What if they take him away from you? 

You didn't even have your phone, there was a computer but you couldn't even log into your accounts in the fear of getting your location disclosed. You missed his pretty face and comforting arms and it's been just a few hours. 

To distract your mind you turned the tv on, the news of your father getting a heart attack being the reason the wedding was postponed was all over. Of Course he came up with something, he couldn't let the news of you running away get out in the world.

You took out a fresh t-shirt and jeans from your bag, then you showered and changed. 

It felt weird, everything felt weird, you weren't used to being alone like this. Lonely? yes but not alone, you had people doing things for you but all that won't happen now, you had to get self sufficient. When it hit past 10 you started to get extremely anxious, you called Stark but he didn't ease your fears. He just asked you to not freak out but how could you not worry? It's been hours since you have heard from him and as your bodyguard you knew they'd investigate him the first thing.

He should have ran with you, you knew that but then he didn't want them to think that he was involved in this.

You laid down on the couch and that's when you couldn't hold back anymore, the tears didn't stop coming as you kept picturing him being hurt. The story of him telling you about getting beat up and his wife not picking him flashed through your head, you won't be there to pick him either. Your thoughts were getting the worst of you, every second you didn't get to be with him was killing you. He had promised that he won't leave you, he won't break the promise right? He would get there but then it's been hours, where was he? 

You couldn't even sleep with all those thoughts running through your head. You can't do this without him, you felt all alone but you didn't need anyone else. You only needed him. 

And when the hours of crying and the splitting headache you got from it almost made you doze off, that's when you heard the knock on the door.

In the pattern of one and three.

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[riacte]

the exterra social media posts were part of ther reason why i put my own ocs into a place where people talk about them on social media and theinternet in general and you know what? i have been having fun and an asbolute blast with that for so long, i can just grab my thoughts and feelings on internet culture and write my silly little stories about it

<3 <3 Yeah online stuff is SUPER fun! Once you go there you can't go back anymore. Go wild anon <3 and the best thing is you can "borrow" from all the chaotic real life discourse, fictionalise it, and it won't hurt anymore lmfao.

What I like about these little bits of social media worldbuilding is that... regardless of which era we're in, regardless of what technology is out there, we as humans will always find a way to be silly. People will always have celebrity figures they adore and stories they want to tell and silly arguments with people and specific memes that unite them.

Outside of being fun, I actually think social media stuff is useful to general worldbuilding because people will be unserious and they will bitch over stupid things. And it's good to have a grasp of what the (chronically online) public thinks in regards to their "mundane" daily lives. Tbh the online meeting culture that spawned from 2020 has made me realise that even if the new technology sounds super cool and innovative, even if we're suffering in a worldwide pandemic, we will always find silly things to make fun of. Like the virtual backgrounds and lagging and muting and the emoji reactions.

In a scifi world full of teleporters, there will always be a stressed overworked intern like "whoever ate garlic bread at the teleporter at building 34 is my worst enemy🔥 i hope your atoms get evaporated and you never come back". In a post-apocalyptic world, there's a teen girl who's never seen the sun saying "oh my gaia do y'all remember the fake strawberry flavoured candies they gave us as kids and the poor scientists spent so much time figuring out how to grow real strawberries again but we all preferred the fake flavour 😭😭😭". It's the little things.

Making the Spopera nonsense has also inspired me to add social media nonsense to my original fiction 🤡 it's a superhero / supervillain universe and people are simping for them on #herotwt / #villaintwt and shipping them (obviously). A supervillain accidentally kills their favourite nemesis and sends out a notes app apology. There's Twitter beef between the mayor and the leader of the villains and they're ratioing each other. General public tweeting "WDYM MY FAV HERO DIED IN BATTLE??? TL IS IN SHAMBLES" and it's qrted by someone saying "WIG SNATCHED they were problematic anyways stream my supervillain fancam #AllHeroesAreBastards #DownWithTheHeroes" and death threats fly around because of course they do.

[raspberrylover28]

"Alexa, can turtles eat candy?"

EDIT: Fixed the past and present tense switching through the fic

My gift for @fxliciq-a for the ROTTMNT Trick or Treat Exchange organized by @rottmnt-secret-gifting  !

Made it extra light and fluffy with lots of banter between the brothers, trying to give most of the prompts a moment to shine and had a lot of fun writing it, so I hope you enjoy! (≧∇≦)ﾉ

 [Takes place after season 2 but before the movie]

___________________________________________________

-...I'm just saying that you had an unfair advantage! Why did you get to be the one who went with him?

- I shall remind you once again, dear brother, that the teams were completely randomized and I had no say in who went with who.

- Yeah, randomized by you with your tech! You probably just rigged to whole thing to get all my jelly worms and rub it in my face.

- First of all, gross. Getting them anywhere near your face would make them inedible on the spot. Plus, I don't like them anyway. Second of all, I am wounded you think I would sink so low to win a silly game. Third of all, everyone here is aware that I have managed to get the biggest amount of candy from our trick and treating journey, so please stop whining and hand over the candy to their rightful owner - Donnie put his purple, bat themed candy bag right in front of Leo's face, smiling like the menace that he is

- Oh, come on! - Leo shoved it back into Donnie's face instead and turned to Raph - This has to count as cheating, right? You gave him like half of your candy!

Raph rubbed the back of his head and gave him an apologetic smile - Sorry, man. Ya know i can't eat the ones with peanuts, so I gave them to Don and they sorta started piling up.

Leo gave him an unimpressed stare, crossed his arms and spat out: - I'm not giving any of my loot to a dirty cheater.

- I am not-

- Ugh, just give him the damn candy already! - April yelled with annoyance, getting everyone's attention, letting go of Sunita's hand and  gesturing agressively towards the twins - we've been standing here for 15 minutes!

And they actually were. Standing there in their colorful costumes, arguing with each other on the middle of the sidewalk. Great.

At least the worst they got were a few stares since they were in a more chill part of New York. As chill as New York can be, anyway.

Leo looked around, seeing all the mildly (or a bit more than mildly) annoyed faces staring into his skull and groaned as dramatically as he could, running his fingers through the rockstar wig of his costume for extra effect and reluctantly took out a bunch of lolipops and two small packs of purple and red skittles, then snatched Donnie's hat from his head, threw the candy inside and put it back on with just as much force.

- Here. Don't choke on it - he said, his voice only one third playful, turning away and taking out his phone, not seeing Raph and Donnie shooting each other smug looks.

Donnie took off the hat again and threw the candy into his already overstuffed candy bag, securing it so nothing fell out and doing a quick victory fist bump with Raph.

- Great! Now that's settled, me and my girlfriends are going to the cafe nearby to try out their newest spooky menu. And if any of you boys start making trouble, you will receive a baseball bat to the face. Are we clear? - April smirked playfully, but with a dangerous glint in her eye, and the turtles all saluted with a "Yes, ma'am!".

- YES! We finally shall find out the TERROR of the special halloween recipes!

- Yeah, I really wanted to try the pumpkin latte, it sounded amazing. Plus, I heard they even gave free candy corn at the counter!

Cassandra and Sunita chatted, with April joining in and holding their hands as they started going towards the cafe in their matching monster high costumes.

- Alright! - Mikey started - So what do we-

- Okay, whatever you're going to do, do it by yourselves ‘cause I'm leaving - Leo interrupted, barely looking up from his phone, where he was furiously typing in.

- What, bunny boy is done collecting candy in the Hidden City? - Donnie raised an eyebrow.

- Yeah, we're meeting near Hueso's. We're going to try out candy with his friends, since some turtle I will not name decided getting candy from the Hidden City would be "too dangerous".

- Ey, knowin' Raph's luck AND the Hidden City, it would probably end up like the pizza puffs incident. Or worse.

- What, you think they're going to throw drugs into a teenager's candy bag?

- ...maybe.

- Raph, chill! Usagi was raised down there, he knows what's safe and what's not. Plus, I promised him some of my jelly worms in exchange already, so no backing out now!

- Wait, you're willing to give him your candy, but not me?

- We exhange candy, Don, not steal it.

- I don't steal jackshit! I would be willing to exchange, but your demands are just too high!

- Maybe you're just too poor to afford my candy-

- Alright, Raph is not doing this again! - Raph stood between the twins, then Mikey started pushing Leo in the vague direction of Hueso's.

- Come on, loverboy! They're waiting for you, so hurry up!

- Okay, okay, fine! Sheesh... - Leo rolled his eyes, but quickly jogged towards the restaurant, smiling and texting his boyfriend on the way.

Raph barely stopped himself from shouting at him because don't walk with your snout in your phone, do you WANT to get hit by a car??

Instead, he looked towards the other two turtles.

- Great! - Donnie exclaimed - Now that Leo left to bother bunny boy and the love birds left to do something romantic and possibly illegal, we should figure out what we should do next.

- Oh, I know! We should totally check out this one haunted house! – Mikey suggested, quickly taking out his phone and showing his brother a poster of a two-story, victorian looking house with a tall, spiky fence and „A house straight from your nightmares!” written in a spooky font on the bottom of the screen.

His brothers stared at the photo, then at Mikey.

- You want to go to the haunted mansion.

- Yep!

- Of your own free will.

A pause.

-Yyyyes…? – Mikey started sweating under their questioning  gazes.

- It was most likely a dare from someone. Either April or Leo.

- Agreed.

- Oh, come on, guys! Have some faith in me!

His brothers just raised their eyebrows.

-…Leo wouldn’t stop teasing me.

They see the site of haunted house, which had a lot of bad reviews, mostly complaining about it not being scary in the slightest, which they took as a good sign. Having Raph accidentally deck a scare actor in the face on instinct probably wouldn’t end pretty. They decided, with only slight hesitence, to check it out. It was only around 15 minutes away, so they went on foot and rated costumes and decorations they saw while walking, the usual fuss of New York now accompanied by the sound of doorbells and candy wraps.

When they arrived at their destination (which looked nothing like the one on the site or posters) and entered the first room, they all immediately noticed that it was, indeed, very bad. The room was very brightly lit with white leds, the furniture looked like it was pulled out of some old lady’s apartment, covered with plastic spiderwebs and cheesy halloween decorations, like paper ghosts and candles that were probably supposed to resemble pumpkins, but did not look or smell like them at all.

When they walked around, they started to relax more and more, the poor attempts at scaring them being more funny than scary.

- Did anybody put any thought into this? – Mikey giggled, looking at the so obviously drawn with a marker cracks in the mirror of the fifth bathroom they entered.

- This is what projects done 3 hours before the deadline look like – Donnie deadpanned, gesturing towards the oh, so scary writing and hand prints on the walls and floor – This literally looks like ketchup.

- Maybe it is ketchup? – Mikey examined the fake blood with a hand on his chin.

- Doubt it. It doesn’t really smell like ketchup, and replacing it every few days would be way too expensive for the most likely low bugdet the owners probably have.

- Eh, with how little care this place has, they could technically just leave it there and Raph are you trying to lick the fake blood i swear to god-

After making sure Raph doesn’t  eat any decorations, they went into the final room, which was visibly more thought out than the rest of the building. Which wasn’t saying much, but it was something, at least.

It was a longer hallway with almost no light,crookedly hanged paintings they could barely make out, peeled wallpapers with rusted nails sticking out, which were obviously just nails painted orange, even with the poor lighting.

The turtles went in, still not scared but noticing the change. Mikey, who was in the front, walked forward, trying to make out the different paintings on the wall since he was pretty sure most of them were just top results from pinterest, not hearing the (not very subtle) creek of the wood above him.

And suddenly something jumped into his face from the ceiling with a loud screech and he couldn’t stop the shriek he let out, instictively clinging to Raph who wasn’t doing much better. And it got worse when suddenly something wet got thrown right at them, staining their costumes. The wall next to them opened, showing another hallway, where they could see the door with a bright „EXIT” sign.

They left the room and now, in good lighting, they could see that their clothes had splatters of the same fake blood from earlier rooms which, now that they noticed it, actually smelled really bad. Mikey looked over the damage to their costumes in annoyance, already thinking about how hard it will be to get rid of them and-

- Donnie, why is your costume just fine?

- Well, while you two were screaming like little girls-

-We were not-

- I decided to hide behind our beloved oldest brother, letting him take the brunt of it.

- You used Raph as a meat shield??

- That’s one way to call it – Donnie said, already heading towards the bright green „Gift shop” sign.

Mikey pouted, but only settled for a glare in Donnie’s direction, hopping onto Raph’s shell.

- Hey, don’t worry, big man! At least we’re still matching – Raph pointed out, gesturing to their cat onesies.

- Yea, we look like street cats now – Mikey snickered, poking Raph’s forehead – Still can’t believe we convinced you to wear this thing as a costume.

- Raph doesn’t turn away from a dare – the snapper grinned in response - Besides, I can look like a boss in everything!

- Yeah, unlike Donnie with his boring suit no one recognized.

- Excuse you-?!

Donnie started ranting for the next 10 minutes about how he was „obviously dressed up as Robert Oppenheimer” and how „the education system is in shambles if no one can recognize something so apparent”. He stopped after a bit, realizing his brothers didn’t listen to a word he was saying, then joined them looking through different souvenirs in the gift shop. Everything was overpriced to all hell, predictably, but there were a few fun things that they played with, only messing with them and not buying them because of the very poor quality.

There was also some food you could buy at the counter, which they weren’t sure was decorated to look expired or actually sat there for 3 weeks.

They looked over the snacks, their eyes drawn to the „zombie slushies”.

Mikey looked at Raph, already knowing the answer to his question but still asking:

- You’re going to try it, aren’t you.

- Yes. Yes I will.

They bought the slushie, the cashier looking at them like she wanted to be anywhere else but here. It was warm and cold at the same time, looking like a bunch of crushed ice, blue so faded it was practically gray, with water on the bottom. There were also weird, differently colored chunks in it that they decided weren’t poisonous. Probably.

Raph chugged the drink in one go and barely, barely stifled a gag, almost dropping Mikey. Apparently it tasted like battery acid with a hint of blueberry mixed with sewer water.

They left the haunted house, Raph looking a bit greener than usual. He didn’t throw up though, which they still counted as a win.

The turtles decided it was time to get home. The moment they got back in the lair they took off their costumes, Mikey and Raph throwing theirs into the washing machine, then got into hoodies and pajamas, deciding to do a turtle pile in the living room. They turned on the TV, sound quiet and brightness low, just to have something in the background, munching on their candy and enjoying the comfortable silence.

_________________________

Donnie and his backup turtles + April (Donnie stop calling us that) (No die) (fight fight fight) (Lol)

NeonLeon9000: how tf did she even do that

GreenApricot: idk?? turns out you can fix a coffee machine by fist fighting it with an ungodly amount of glitter pens

GreenApricot: the more you know

NeonLeon9000: i swear casey is going to tunr out to be a lab experiment or something and i will not be suprised becuase how does she even exist

Big Brother Who Is The Biggest: do I even wanna know?

NeonLeon9000: if you wann sleep at night then no

NeonLeon9000: /srs

LocalChef: Well that’s terrifying!

NeonLeon9000: btw im staying at usagis tonight

NeonLeon9000: we r having a slumber party

NeonLeon9000: more slumber less party but still

LocalChef: Are you coming back in the morning or are you staying there until later? I can save you some breakfast if you want!

NeonLeon9000: Nah me n usagi ar gonna go out and get some food

NeonLeon9000: thx tho <3

LocalChef: <3

NeonLeon9000: btw did you go to that haunted house i told you abt or did you chicken out

NeonLeon9000: i think we can all guess the answer

LocalChef: nvm I’m taking that heart back

Big Brother Who Is The Biggest: We all went together, actually! Lots of fun

NeonLeon9000: no offense raph but i still dont trust you bc of the candy thing

NeonLeon9000: pics or it didn’t happen

BootyyyShaker9000: [A picture of Mikey and Raph clinging to each other while screaming in the haunted house]

BootyyyShaker9000: Glad I could capture this lovely moment.

GreenApricot:SKDSDJHSJKJKDS

NeonLeon9000:LMAOO

LocalChef: WHATT

LocalChef: BETRAYAL ╰（‵□′）╯

NeonLeon9000:bet yall screamed like toddlers

NeonLeon9000: don please tell me you recorded it

BootyyyShaker9000: Who do you take me for?

BootyyyShaker9000: [sound file]

BootyyyShaker9000: Best quality on the market.

GreenApricot: Y’all are never living this down lol

Big Brother Who Is The Biggest: puts head in hands

----------------------------------------------------

Bonus: Favorite candy of all the turtles!

Leo: Blue raspberry flavored gummy bears, jelly worms, Oreos, cotton candy

Mikey: Candy jewelery, any halloween related candy, caramel apples (especially with spooky food coloring), sour strips, candy corn,

Donnie: grape flavored bubble tape, purple skittles, grape flavored „Dum-Dums” -  lolipops, nerds

Raph: Candy jewelery, hard candy, original skittles, peppermints

[lovelybunn]

lgbtqia+ headcanons !ㅤㅤ– feat. stan, kyle, cartman, kenny, n butters !

warning(s): swearing, some homophobic themes, slight mention of sex

author's note: since its gay month, wanted to post this (and its been rotting in my drafts) so here yall go, ya skittles !!!!

stan marsh .

he/him –ㅤㅤhis parents have taught him (mostly randy) that there are only two genders, female and male, and he identifies as cis. so if you tell him you use any pronouns other than she/her or he/him, and/or ask him for his pronouns, he'll look at you funny. although, he'll try and respect them anyway.

bisexual –ㅤㅤwhen he first met wendy, of course he thought he was straight, but then he started gaining weird feelings for kyle that he couldn't explain. so of course, with the help of useless buzzfeed quizzes and google, that's when stan found out that he's bisexual.

demisexual –ㅤㅤeven when stan hit puberty, he never was interested in the topic of sex in general. one time kenny showed him one of his magazines, and he didn't even bat an eye. of course, as he got older it was a lot more appealing, but he felt like sexual attraction was pretty much pointless. he rarely will refer to himself as "demi", though.

ㅤ

kyle broflovski .

he/they –ㅤㅤkyle has never felt quite whole with the labels "boy", "male", etc... he had always felt there was more to it, he just never took the time to really think about it. he found out what he was missing while walking to class. two openly queer kids had complimented his outfit for that day, "man, i love that dude's shirt!" "yeah, they're totally rocking that fit!" those simple words sparked a sense of euphoria deep inside kyle's core, yet, since he knew up to nothing about queer culture at the time, he couldn't figure out why. after school he did some extensive research on his situation, finally giving a label to how he was feeling. kyle broflovski was a demi-boy.

bisexual, masc leaning –ㅤㅤkyle never thought too much about his romantic/sexual preferences, he was too studious to even have something like that on his mind. although, one day at school stan had shown up with his hair dyed blond. kyle's poor heart pounded so hard he started sweating.. he had always thought almost every girl was pretty, but that day made him realize that boys could be pretty too.

ㅤ

eric cartman .

he/him –ㅤㅤhe has a male superiority complex so bad and he thinks "pronouns" and "more than two genders" is dumb ("my pronouns are U/S/A *bald eagle screeching*")

homophobic closeted homosexual –ㅤㅤhave y'all seen the gay ass shit he's pulled on kyle? that boy is obviously in denial. but he uses the word "gay" as an insult, so of course he's homophobic.

secretly a drag queen –ㅤㅤremember when he wore that cheetah/leopard print shirt and embarrassed his mother on live television? yeah, and the time he wore that blond wig? he has an entire closet dedicated to his craft. more than once has he walked around his room in full drag acting like he's walking down the runway. (he can't do makeup for shit tho...)

ㅤ

kenny mccormick .

he/she/they –ㅤㅤidk, kenny just gives very enby vibes. he doesn't mind being referred to as "he/she", it's just they like being perceived as androgynous. kenny is a #1 "clothes have no gender" believer.

pansexual –ㅤㅤthere have been many times in the show itself that point to kenny liking more than one gender, and them being bi doesn't really work and neither does omni, cuz they don't really have a preference, pan is the best assumption.

ㅤ

butters scotch .

any pronouns –ㅤㅤ"oh, you use xe/xem? me too!" this lil child just loves collecting pronouns like pokémon cards, butters' autism feeds on it. a lot of times, if someone tells him that they use a pronoun that she hasn't heard of, that shit will get snatched so fast, it's not even funny.

gender-fluid –ㅤㅤy'know how butters was misdiagnosed with multiple personality disorder? yeah, that was just them flowing between genders. one day butters will feel extremely masculine, the next hyper-feminine, and the next neither or both. sometimes he'll even switch within a day, it depends.

polyamorous –ㅤㅤbutters is very open both romantically and platonically. he believes there is no such barriers or limits to love, that love should be given to everyone fully and freely, without discrimination. ( + more people, more cuddles !!!)

[gxrlcinema]

― 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐈𝐓, 𝐉𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐓!

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Steve Rogers x Reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. Your boyfriend is about as Brad Majors as they come, which is why you don’t tell him that you’re playing Janet in a production of Rocky Horror. What happens when he finds out anyway?

𝐀/𝐍. This isn't my usual thing but I wanted to try my hand at fluff! I hope y'all enjoy.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. The Rocky Horror Picture Show, heavy sexual themes (it’s Rocky Horror), insecure!reader, internalized slut shaming, references to past slut shaming, loving and friendly use of words like slut and whore, various queer original characters, feminist!Steve Rogers

𝐖𝐂: 2.6k

The excitement backstage is palpable. The familiar cacophony of clicking platform heels and swishing fishnets as your castmates run around, the thick cloud of hairspray, glitter and cheap perfume.

You smile at yourself in the dressing table mirror. The Rocky Horror Picture Show has been part of your Halloween tradition since your teen years, but only in the last couple years have you begun participating in shadowplays of it. There’s nothing like the community that you find between the boas and glitter. And there’s no feeling more powerful than standing in your underwear lip syncing to Susan Sarandon. You smack your lips together, making sure they’re fully covered with the soft neutral color you’ve coated them in. 

“Alright, Miss Janet Weiss!” you hear from behind you. 

You look up in the mirror to see your friend Mac, already fully dressed in a corset, garter, and a pair of black leather platform heels you’re certain that you’d topple over in. This was Mac’s first year as Dr. Frankenfurter, but you’ve known each other for years from various Rocky Horror screenings around New York.

“How’s the crowd looking tonight?” you ask.

“Good,” he smiles, pearly white teeth glinting mischief against red lipstick. “Lots of virgins.”

You laugh, leaning down to fasten your white kitten heels around your ankles. While you do that, your phone buzzes on the dressing table. 

“Text from Steve,” Mac says, lifting your phone. They gasp. “Y/n, have you still not told this poor man what you get up to in October?”

Your shoulders tense, and you fumble a bit at the clasp on your shoe. 

“I told you, he’s old school,” you grumble, snatching your phone back from Mac’s manicured hands. 

Old school is an understatement. Steve was born in 1918. He’s older than color film, and he can barely say the word sex even when you’re in the middle of having it. On top of that, he’s Captain America, the country’s symbol of wholesome family values and the pinnacle of good men. You can’t even begin to imagine his reaction to you prancing around on stage half naked while the audience calls you a slut and a camp horror musical plays in the background. 

You finish with your shoes, standing up from your chair and stepping back to get a full view of yourself in the mirror.

You sigh. “I just don’t know how he’d react to all this, and I don’t want to scare him off.”

“As if the sight of you in your underwear could scare any man off,” Mac scoffs. 

 You study your appearance in the mirror. You look positively virginal in your white cardigan, pink knee-length blouse and skirt combo and kitten heels. This is the image of Captain America’s perfect girlfriend. Unfortunately, you know that the white lace bra, panties and garters you have on underneath are going to be exposed before the end of the show, all of the innocence ruined. 

“All you sluts need to be backstage in five!” your stage manager calls from the hallway. 

Corset-clad bodies scramble for last looks around you, heels clicking as people make their way out of your dressing zone and into the wings. Mac fluffs his wig in the mirror one last time, and then turns to you.

“I’m just gonna reply to Steve,” you tell him. 

He nods and sashays away, throwing in one more unimpressed glance over his shoulder before he disappears from your sight. 

You sigh, looking in the mirror for confidence once again. You stare down at your phone, the text Steve had sent earlier staring back at you.

STEVE: I just got off of work, can I come see you? We could get a slice of pie at the diner, my treat.

Guilt twists in your gut. 

Here, words like slut and whore are interchangeable with hon, dude, or babe. But outside of the Rocky Horror-sphere, people don’t mean anything good when they direct them at you. You think of the disgust on the face of your first boyfriend, hot shame trickling down your spine as he berates you after discovering that he wasn’t your first. You think of your friend’s parents' comments on the length of your shorts in 5th grade, about getting dress coded over every inch of unapproved skin visible in the hallways of your high school.

Steve’s not the type to judge, but that doesn’t exactly mean he’d stick around after seeing you pretend to do the dirty on stage for a crowd of freaks in leather and crazy makeup. He’s a man of his time after all. And your heart won't be able to take it if he looked at you with disgust, same as your first boyfriend all those years ago. 

You type out a quick response.

YOU: i promised wanda a sitcom night :( that diner pie sounds amazing. next time?

You watch the message go through, a familiar knot of guilt settling in your stomach. 

Delivered.

With that, you turn your phone off and walk into the wings to wait with your castmates for the show to start. 

You’re backstage half-naked, your cardigan and blouse having long since been surrendered to the bizarre inhabitants of Dr. Frank-N-Furter’s castle. The beginning of the show had gone well, the virgin sacrifice as hilarious as it is every year. You watch the stage as your castmates act out the movie playing out on the screen above them, the audience chiming in with their own commentary at every opportunity. 

Jeremy, who plays Rocky, walks up next to you in the wings. He smiles at you, all blond and cheeky. You have to admit that he’s your type, in so much as he looks a lot like Steve. (A fact which Jeremy and his boyfriend Ahmed had taken advantage of the year prior, when they’d gone as self-described “slutty Cap and Bucky” for Halloween. You’d sent the pictures to Bucky, who’d only responded that his arm wasn’t silver anymore. You’d never shown them to Steve). He looks even more like Steve now, his golden briefs and gold knee high boots - the only two articles of clothing on his toned body - oddly reminiscent of the USO tour costume your boyfriend had donned back in the way. 

“You ready to get your cherry popped?” Jeremy whispers as he sidles up by your side.

You grin up at him. “Bring it on.”

You hear your cue and the two of you quickly take your positions on the stage. The movie projector’s light streams above you, showing the film in tandem with your performance. You and Jeremy mouth the lines being said on screen to each other, the actors playing Columbia and Magenta chiming in from the opposite side of the stage. And then your song starts. 

I was feeling done in, you pout, lip syncing to Susan Sarandon’s voice. Couldn’t win. I’d only ever kissed before.

I said there’s no use getting into heavy petting. It only leads to trouble and, you pull a grimace, seat-wetting.

The audience laughs, sending an electric warmth through your body as you launch yourself into the next part of the song. 

Now all I want to know is how to go. I’ve tasted blood and I want more, you lip sync to the music.

You move downstage, closer to Jeremy. He staggers back, clumsy, exactly how a man born two hours ago would be. The two of you play up the virginity of your characters, stealing furtive glances and nervously touching your own bodies as the song continues. 

I’ll put up no resistance, I want to stay the distance. You’re almost chest to chest with Jeremy, a scared and confused frown on his face that you nearly want to laugh at. 

I’ve got an itch to scratch. I need assistance.

You throw yourself at Jeremy, and the two of you begin your more complicated sexy choreography. Your skirt disappears. You’re practically on top of him when you catch a sliver of light out of the corner of your eye, coming from the back of the house. The light disappears, but you see a flash of light hair move through the aisles of the theater, until it disappears at the back of the house. You internally roll your eyes, returning your attention to Jeremy. It’s probably just some twink who spent too much time oiling themself up, but still, rude. 

You turn back to Jeremy and grind down. You throw your head back, rocking on top of him while Susan Sarandon does the same on screen. 

This is why you do this every year; in your normal life, you work a normal 9 to 5, and Jeremy is a yoga instructor. Only here do you two get to be harlot and himbo, respectively, having fake sex while people yell at you and yet feeling happy and at home. For the month of October this cast and the audience is your spooky little family, even down to that late-arriving twink. 

You end the song to raucous cheers, panting from your perch on top of Jeremy, behind the colored plastic of Rocky’s tube. Jeremy throws a wink your way, knowing that the audience can’t see him. You grin back. 

You’re still grinning as you walk offstage after bows, the raucous hooting and hollering of the audience ringing in your ears. You run back to your dressing station, hoping to change quickly and head to the alley on the side of the theater where the cast all hang out after the show. 

You find your station as you’d left it, and quickly throw on the corset top, skirt and boots you’d had on earlier in the day. Unfortunately, your jacket is nowhere to be found. You shrug, figuring it’ll turn up by next weekend’s show, and head out the back door of the theater. You round the corner to the alley, spotting your cast immediately. 

“There she is, the supreme slut herself!” Mac calls when he sees you. 

You grin, and give a little bow. Ahmed had clearly found Jeremy after the show, so you join the circle between him and your castmate Jaz as the group hoots and hollers at you.

“Where’s your coat?” Ahmed frowns at you. 

“I’m sexy, Ahmed, I don’t need a coat,” you say, shivering. 

Ahmed is unimpressed. Jeremy snorts. 

“Sexy grandpa over there has a coat,” Jeremy points to your right, where a tall, broad blond is making his way over towards your group. The smile drops from your face. 

“Is that the guy who came in late?” you hear Jaz whisper right as Steve reaches you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. 

“I have an extra jacket in the car,” he whispers to you, letting you know he heard the entire conversation prior. 

“I’m Steve,” he says, waving at your castmates. 

It’s obvious by the looks on their faces that they know who he is, but they have enough tact, at least, not to comment on Steve’s obvious celebrity status. Steve’s appearance on the other hand…

“Damn, Y/n! We thought you had a Brad at home but turns out you were hiding a full on Rocky!” Jeremy hollers. Your cheeks go hot and Steve blushes a furious shade of red. Ahmed smacks Jeremy on the arm, but the himbo just looks down at his boyfriend, confused. 

Mac swoops in to save your ass.“Oh, the famous boyfriend! I didn’t think you were coming tonight.”

Steve gives a tight smile. “It was a surprise for Y/n.”

Your stomach drops at the hurt you hear lurking under his words. 

“Sorry to get here late, I uh,” he looks at you, the threat of a talk to be had later clear in his eyes, “got a little lost on the way.”

Your castmates fawn over Steve for a little while longer and then you quickly make your goodbyes, Steve walking you back to his car. If you were shivering before, you’re shaking now, your nerves and the cold working in tandem. Steve’s eyes fall on you as he climbs into the front seat, concern shining through. He reaches into the back seat, pulling out a navy SHIELD hoodie.

“Here,” he gently places the sweatshirt in your lap. 

His eyes trail over your face for a moment, searching for something. You don’t know what to say. 

Steve sighs, pulling the key out and turning it in the ignition. 

You throw the sweatshirt over your head, fasten your seatbelt. Steve pulls the car away from the curb in total silence. 

Neither of you says anything for the entire drive back to your apartment. Steve keeps looking over at you, expressions shifting through his eyes too quickly for you to catch, and then turning back to the road without a word. You want to say something, but your mind fills with your first boyfriend, with hot shame on your back. He pulls the car up outside of your apartment, parks on the street (which is no small feat in the city). 

“Is it alright if I come in? I think we need to talk.”

You only nod, hands nearly trembling in your lap. 

You can hear the sound of every mechanism as you unlock the front door, Steve’s stoic silence so utterly unnerving that you nearly flinch when you actually get the door open. Steve walks in behind you, clicking the door shut and locking it after you’re both safely inside. 

“That was-” Steve walks to one of the armchairs in your living room and takes a seat. “That was some show you guys put on back there.”

He holds an arm out, gesturing for you to sit down on the couch in front of him. You acquiesce, forcing yourself to take your seat at the very edge of the couch, hands twisting in your lap. 

“How much did you see?” 

“How’d you find out?” you ask, unable to really meet his gaze.

Steve “You weren’t with Wanda. I got worried and then tracked your phone.”

Guilt twists in your gut like you ate something bad. Of course your perfect superhero boyfriend found out you lied about your location and got worried. You glance at Steve, taking in his furrowed brow, his focused gaze trained completely on you. 

“Are you mad at me?” you ask, unable to take the silence anymore. 

Steve sighs.

“I’m not happy that you lied to me,” he says. 

It’s his Captain-America-is-disappointed-in-you voice. Brutally effective. The guilt twists again. 

“But I guess- I want to know why you felt the need to?”

You swallow, trying to find the words. It made so much sense to you before, but now all your insecurity feels so incredibly stupid. 

“I thought you’d think- well, I didn’t know what you’d think. I guess I was scared that you wouldn’t want me if you found out I didn’t fit your image anymore.”

Steve raises a singular self-righteous eyebrow. “Fit my image?”

“You’re Captain America! One of Earth’s mightiest heroes! The embodiment of truth, justice, and the American way!”

“That’s Superman,” Steve deadpans.

You glare at him.“So not the point. The point is, you’re like, this paragon of virtue and I’m with you. I’m supposed to be Cap’s best girl. And what I did tonight… What I do in October… I thought it’d be like, an ‘embarrassing display of perversion’ to you or something. It’s not a good look for you if Mrs. America turns out to be a two-bit floozy.”

Amusement curls at the corner of Steve’s lips. Your cheeks burn. 

“Floozy?”

“What, do you prefer ‘hussy’?” you snap, crossing your arms over your chest. “Sorry that I don’t know your favorite old-timey word for slut, Steve!”

A laugh bursts out of Steve, one you’d find infectious and charming if it wasn’t aimed at you. Your gut sinks. Maybe he would have forgiven you for being a whore but now you’re a dumb whore. You cross your arms over your chest while Steve sobers, taking a few moments to shake his head and clear his throat before he looks back up at you. 

“Do I get to talk now?”

His voice is a warm mix of stern and gentle. It gives you the distinct impression of being scolded by your favorite teacher in middle school. You steel yourself. 

“Three things,” he says, holding up three fingers. “First off, I don’t think you’re a floozy. Or a hussy, or a loose woman, or whatever it is you think we said back in the day. I’m not some pearl-clutching grandmother at church. I’m not in the habit of judging someone’s character based on how much they have sex, and I wouldn’t assume to know anything about it based on a performance or a costume.”

He fixes you with a gaze that’s all fire but not quite meant to burn you. “I really hated it when people used to make those assumptions about me.”

Shame washes over you. He’d been so open with you about his life before the serum, about all the assumptions people had about his former life. And you, like an idiot, had taken Captain America at face value, just like they had. 

Your mouth falls open, excuses already forming on the tip of your tongue, but Steve holds up a hand. You sag into the couch, but nod for him to continue.

“Two: you’re my partner, not a marketing campaign. I don’t care and have never cared what the optics are. I want to be with you, Y/n. I’m in love with you. I don’t know who put ‘Cap’s best girl’ shit in your head, but I want it gone.”

You sit stock still, shock setting in. Yeah, the other stuff is important and you’re not off the hook but he’s in lo-

“You’re in love with me?” you’re tense, half sure that pointing out his words are the wrong move.

Steve’s brow furrows. Then they go wide. He flushes bright pink, flashing a sheepish smile. 

“That’s not how I wanted it to come out.”

Your heart flutters. You can’t help the little smile that breaks the line of your lips. You quickly school it down, so that you can look him in the eye and deliver your honest apology.

“I’m sorry, Steve. It was shitty to lie to you, especially given what can happen with your job. And it was shitty to make assumptions about what you’d think. I should’ve just talked to you.”

“Yeah, you should’ve,” he repeats, clearly trying to make that stick. “I’m sorry, too, that I didn’t make it clearer how much I love every part of who you are.”

Your lip twitches. You really love hearing him say that. 

Steve’s sharp eyes catch everything, as always. “You like that?”

He stands from the chair, walking over to sit beside you on the couch. You nod furiously. He smiles a little, but then goes serious again.

“There’s no pressure to say it back. If you’re not ready or-”

“I love you,” you rush out.

You don’t give him time for the victory to settle in, instead launching yourself at him so you can press your lips against his. You make out for a while, melting into Steve as you lay him out under you on the couch. When you pull away, it’s abrupt.Steve pouts, his lips bereft from your absence. 

“What was the third thing?” you ask, giving him a quick peck to keep him sated.  

His mind is miles away. “What?”

“Earlier, you said you had three things to say. What was the third one?”

“Oh. Oh.” 

He smiles, a particularly devastating blend of shy and wicked that only Steve could manage to pull off. “The third thing is how unbelievably hot I found that ‘embarrassing display of perversion’ you put on.”

Your cheeks heat in an entirely different way than they had earlier.

“Yeah?”

Steve nods vigorously. You giggle at him, before dropping an assessing gaze over his form. 

“You know, you’d look really hot in a corset and fishnets,” you muse aloud. 

Steve’s eyes go wide as saucers, the color in his cheeks rapidly getting darker. His mouth hangs open.

“I’ll uh- take that into consideration,” he manages. 

You giggle again and pull him down into another kiss before his cheeks can get any redder.