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wikiangela-fanfics · 3 years

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"You should smile more" - sambucky

I’m a sucker for Bucky’s smile so obviously I had to project that onto Sam and write a fic - I use the word ‘smile’ waaaaaay too much in this fic, but whatever

This is my first ever marvel fic, so sorry if it's too ooc but I actually kinda like this one hah

Big thank you to @tasteslikestrawbebbies for beta-reading ♥♥♥

Here it is on Ao3

part 2, part 3

Enjoy ♥

***

One of the things that really struck him was that he kinda loved Bucky’s smile. Once he saw that real, genuine, happy smile on Bucky’s face… all he wanted to do was to make him smile again and again. Which was a crazy thought. Insane. He should not be thinking that, and he tried not to. But then Bucky would smile again, and Sam would melt.

His smile was… really nice. And beautiful. And it was impossible not to smile as well when you saw it. He seemed so relaxed and at peace… Sam has never seen him like that before, but he definitely liked it. He knew there was still work to do, and they would have to get to that sooner or later, but for now, he really enjoyed just hanging out with Bucky, fixing the boat together, talking, which apparently they did now, another surprising thing. Bucky opened up to him, and that meant he trusted him, not only in battle. This made Sam almost giddy.

He wasn’t ready to say goodbye. He knew they would see each other soon, but he selfishly wanted Bucky to stay, to keep him company… to smile at him. God, he was gone on that fucking smile.

He almost considered making up something else that needed repairing that Buck could help him with, but that would require actually having something to do… and he was not about to break something on purpose. Not that that hasn’t crossed his mind… but he wasn’t that far gone. Or that desperate. At least yet.

He convinced himself that he was fine, that not seeing Bucky for a while wasn’t a big deal. Because it shouldn’t be. They had barely talked before Walker was given the shield. And it was fine. It would be fine now, too.

But then, as Bucky was about to leave, the words just slipped out of his mouth.

“You know, you could stay for a while. If you want.” he wasn’t looking at Bucky, his eyes focused on the trees they were passing.

Bucky was quiet for a moment and Sam was afraid he fucked up their relationship, which has improved significantly over the past few days.

“Uh, I’d really like to.” Bucky started. “I would, but I think I need to go. In New York there’s someone who really needs closure, and I’ve been putting it off long enough.” he sighed, and that’s when Sam looked at him again. He seemed nervous and Sam understood.

“Of course.” he smiled. “But, you know, you’re always welcome here, man.” he added.

“Thanks.” Bucky smiled, and Sam’s heart fluttered. Damn, this could not be happening. “I guess I’ll see you- What?” he stopped mid-sentence to look at Sam in confusion.

“What ‘what’?” Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” Sam felt his face heat up and looked away. He kept his cool since Bucky showed up, and now he’s getting caught at whatever his face was doing while he was admiring Bucky’s gorgeous smile? He was pretty sure he was smiling, but what else could be visible in his expression, he had no idea. He was fucked.

“I don’t know, but it’s weird.” Bucky was frowning, his tone slow and confused.

“Bad weird?” Sam couldn’t help but ask, looking back at Bucky, who just shrugged.

“Just different. What’s up?” he asked, not wanting to let go. And of course Bucky, the expert of staring and observing, noticed the difference in Sam’s expression. Of course.

“Nothing, it’s stupid.” Sam laughed, feeling more than ridiculous.

“Now you gotta tell me.” Bucky nudged his arm. “What was that look about?”

“I was just thinking. Forget it.” he shook his head, he tried to brush it off, but he knew it was pointless. One more smile from Bucky, and he was going to melt into a puddle.

“Okay, well, I’m not gonna push.” he lifted both hands in defeat, but he was smiling. Whatever he saw in Sam’s face, had to be positive. Of course it was, he had been thinking about Bucky’s smile. “I’ll get it out of you another time.” he winked, starting to walk again, and Sam wasn’t sure when they stopped walking. “Call me when you have a lead.” he repeated his previous words, clapped Sam on the shoulder, and was about to walk away.

“You should smile more.” Sam said before he even realized he had opened his mouth. How was it that suddenly he couldn’t think around Bucky?

“What?” Bucky turned around, Sam was staring at him, probably looking as surprised as Bucky. But he said it, so there was no backing away now.

“I mean, that’s what I was thinking about.” he swallowed hard. “It’s a good look on you. When you smile.” he said, trying to sound as confident as he could. Slowly, another one of those amazing smiles showed up on Bucky’s face.

“Wow, I did not expect that.” he said, his expression smug.

“Shut up.” Sam rolled his eyes, forcing himself not to smile back.

“You thinking about my smile often?” Bucky then asked, because of course he had to tease Sam about it now.

“I haven’t seen you really smile until, like, yesterday, so no.” Sam answered and thought, damn, where is this conversation going and how did we get here. “And I’m just saying,” oh God, he so needs to shut up already, but his mouth is still moving and the words are pouring out despite his efforts to stop it. “I wouldn’t mind if you did that more often.”

Bucky chuckled, and boy was that a nice sound, and looked down for a second. Seemed like someone was shy about getting complimented. Alright, Sam got it, Bucky probably hasn’t been complimented at all for the past seventy years. But Sam also kinda liked making him blush - because that’s what was happening, Bucky’s cheeks were starting to get pink, and now Sam couldn’t contain his smile.

“That’s, uh, nice.” Bucky said, looking back at Sam. “I just feel really good here, you know?” he confessed. So now they were seriously going to start talking, huh? Sam couldn’t say he was complaining.

“So you gonna come back?” the question was out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Again. Damn, what was happening to him?

“I haven’t even left yet, Sam. Relax.” Bucky chuckled again, his beautiful, teeth-baring smile not disappearing from his face. Then he sighed. “I promise, once we deal with Karli, I’m gonna visit again and I’ll stay so long you’re gonna beg me to leave.” he added, teasingly. Sam just involuntarily smiled.

“Imma remember that. You better keep your promises.” he said, finger pointed at Bucky to accentuate his words.

“Always do. But now I really gotta go if I wanna catch my flight.” Bucky added, almost apologetically.

“Right.” Sam wanted him to stay, but he already said that, and he wasn’t about to beg. He wasn’t that desperate. And he knew Bucky had to go, he had things to do, people to see, he had to do the work and get better, and it seemed like he was really going to. “Uh, answer my calls and texts this time, will you?” he tried to sound casual and exasperated, but the longing and a bit of hope was audible even to him.

“You plan on contacting me a lot?” Bucky raised his eyebrow.

“Maybe.” Sam was suddenly all too aware of the distance between them. He would have to take two, maybe three steps, to get to Bucky and… and what? He wasn’t sure. “Are you gonna answer?” he asked again, taking a step towards Bucky. What was he doing?

“Of course.” Bucky answered. Sam must’ve looked surprised, because Bucky snickered. “How else will I know that you have a lead?”

“You’re an ass.” Sam rolled his eyes, his cheeks heating up. And here he was hoping they would actually start talking on a regular basis… not that he wanted that. Definitely not. Why would he?

“But if you call me without a lead, I might not hang up on you.” Bucky said, a bit reluctantly, a teasing smirk still on his face. “Depends on my mood.”

“You can call me, too. If you ever wanna talk. No matter what time it is.” Sam took another step, while Bucky watched him curiously.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“And, uh, thanks. For all the help, you know.” Sam shrugged. There was still a small distance between them, and he was contemplating crossing it and hugging Bucky.

“Of course.” he said, as if him helping Sam was the most natural and obvious thing in the world. “Anytime. But now I really have to-” he didn’t finish his sentence, because Sam took the final step. But instead of hugging Bucky, he pressed his lips against Bucky’s.

It was a split second, rash decision, he did not intend to do it. At all. It was either letting Bucky go and dreaming about that smile and longing for him for the next indefinite period of time until he saw him again… or kissing Bucky and possibly changing their whole dynamic, risking rejection and making things weird again, possibly weirder than ever.

But Bucky immediately kissed him back, as if he was expecting it. And Sam could feel him smiling, which only added to the fluttering feeling in his stomach.

At first, it was chaste, just lips against lips, but that lasted a whole two seconds before Bucky opened his mouth, deepening it. He dropped his bag, his metal hand finding its way to Sam’s hip, while the flesh one cupped Sam’s cheek. Sam’s hands were in Bucky’s hair, running his fingers through it, and trying to bring him even closer. Honestly, Sam wanted to stay in that moment forever. Bucky’s lips not only looked good and irresistible - the man was an amazing kisser. Sam wanted more. He needed more. And one of his hands started trailing down Bucky’s arm to the hem of his shirt, but then… Bucky broke the kiss.

“You really want me to miss my flight, huh?” he asked, his forehead pressed against Sam’s. He was smiling, and both their breaths were quickened.

“I told you, you could stay.” Sam said, not able to contain a smile either. “We could… uh, have some fun, if you stayed.” he added, his tone deliberately suggestive. He decided to stop being tentative about his feelings. They just made out, he was aroused, and he was pretty sure Bucky was too. He desperately wanted him closer, wanted their bodies pressed together. Preferably undressed. Oh fuck, when did he go from Bucky has a beautiful smile to I wanna fuck him ? This was happening fast. Or maybe those thoughts were always there, lurking, as he tried to convince himself he’s not attracted to the guy. Maybe.

“I would love to.” Bucky said, sighing, and his breath hit Sam’s mouth, making him shiver. He wanted those lips on his again. But Bucky pulled away, hands still on Sam, but now his piercing blue eyes were staring at him again. This time, Sam didn’t mind. The staring stopped bothering him a while ago.

“But?” Sam tried to keep disappointment out of his voice.

“But, before this,” he waved his flesh hand between them. “Develops any further, I need to deal with some stuff.” he said, and Sam felt his heart swell. First of all, Bucky seemed so sure that this thing between them would turn into something, so Sam didn’t have to worry about what the kiss meant, they were both on the same page. And second of all, Bucky actually wanted to work on himself first before getting into a relationship. Which filled Sam with pride. He knew that it wouldn’t be a problem for them - he knew a lot about Bucky and his trauma, and he would love to help, in any way he could. But if Bucky thought it was something he needed to do by himself, and was actually willing to do the work, that was amazing.

“Okay.” Sam said, smiling fondly. “Just, you know, not all the stuff, yeah? I’m not gonna wait for an eternity.” his tone was jocular, but he needed Buck to know that he was in, despite all his shit. He hoped his message was at least a bit clear.

“Yeah.” Bucky smiled, leaning in for another kiss, this time brief, leaving Sam chasing after him as he was pulling away. “I’ll see you soon.” he added, finally picking up his bag and starting to walk away. Again.

“You better answer your phone or you’ll see me sooner than you think.” Sam yelled after him. Bucky turned around to shoot him one of his genuine, amused grins that made Sam’s knees weak, and made it impossible not to smile back.

Yeah, he definitely loved Bucky’s smile. And he already couldn’t wait to see it again.

#sambucky #sambucky fic #sambucky fanfiction #sambucky fluff #fluff #fanfic #tfatws #sam and bucky #bucky's smile is the best thing ever and it prompted me to finally write about them #sam wilson #bucky barnes #idk #i'm bad at tags #my writing

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margarethx · 3 years

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I already talked about this before in more detail, but it’s still a problem, so here we go again... I really, really wish people would give Joaquín Torres more personality and better roles in stories that are ultimately about Sambucky. I feel like 9/10 times the guy gets reduced to either: 1) Sam’s fanboy, 2) a person who makes Bucky jealous... Nothing more. And I understand that both of those things are pretty heavily supported by canon (especially the first one), but he honestly deserves more.

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I would love to see more stories where Joaquín is saving Sam or Bucky’s ass. Or where he’s their younger over-enthusiastic friend they train to become a superhero. Well... Sam trains him and Bucky sits around complaining, but he’s reluctantly proud of the kid and his progress. Where Sam becomes some sort of his father figure/mentor. Where he’s supportive of them getting together without having his entire personality reduced to a pseudo-reader-insert Sambucky shipper. Let the guy do something cool on a mission, joke a little, impress other characters, have more than one personality trait...

I’m just kind of tired of Sambucky fics in which Joaquín is either: embarassing (because how dare he think he could date Sam when Bucky’s right there? haha), humiliated (because he dared to ask Sam or Bucky out and it backfired), stupid (because he doesn’t notice that they’re into each other, lol), annoying (because Sam and Bucky were about to have a moment and he had to walk into the room and destroy it), boring (he talks about something personal and the main characters just want him to shut up) etc... I don’t have a problem with Joaquín being part of those stories or even with him having a very small role in them. I have a problem with so many writers only putting him into those stories, so he can push Sam and Bucky by accident or to make him a target of some humiliating joke, because he was an obstacle standing in the way of a ship like a fool. He deserves a better treatment.

To be clear: I’m taking specifically about Sambucky stories that have Joaquín Torres in them. Not fics about Joaquín in general. And I don’t even believe there is anything inherently bad about Torres helping Sam and Bucky become a couple (it can be cute) or about Bucky being jealous (he sort of is), or about Sam being Joaquín’s idol (he clearly is). But you can use those tropes in different ways... And I feel like most people tend to choose the most boring or cruel interpretations that lead to Joaquín being so devoid of his natural charm that he could’ve been replaced with some random coworker named Dave and it wouldn’t make a difference. That boy is so excited, unintentionally funny, curious, cute, and determined to do a good job. It should really be easy to write him like that for one paragraph...

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And the weirdest thing about it is that I know a few writers who do that (or at least did that in the past), but who get (rightfully) annoyed or angry when Sam is written the same way... As an oblivious, kinda-straight, embarassing friend without personality, whose entire role is to push two other characters together - on accident or on purpose - or to be surprised and clueless when he learns they were together for a while.

Those authors already complained about it in the past when other people were treating Sam like that. But now they do it with Joaquín Torres and can’t see why that’s weird and unpleasant to read for someone who likes the guy.

#joaquín torres #sam wilson #samuel thomas wilson #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #captain america #captain america sam wilson #the falcon #white wolf #winter soldier #sambucky #sam x bucky #winterfalcon #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #mcu #marvel

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vidavalor · 3 years

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SamBucky opinions & things...

I’m not going to say who people should ship as it’s everyone’s own opinions and it’s a tv show/film series so it’s not like this is the most important thing on the planet... That said, I’ve seen a few posts from Stucky people who say they actively want to understand what SamBucky shippers see in the pairing and since I’m gone on these two, here are some thoughts...

If you take a long view-- which the MCU is having you do now because these characters are outlasting Steve Rogers in its canon-- Steve & Bucky, while fun to play with and full of a lot of really great yearning/angsty possibilities back in the day, are really just the formative chapters of Sam & Bucky’s romance. If we got more Sam flashbacks in the story-- and I really hope we do in his canon in the wake of the end of TFATWS (S1?)/CA4-- a Sam & Riley story would be the equivalent to The First Avenger, in terms of it sets up some backstory that leads to where the story is going, as opposed to is the entire story itself.

A main factor for me in liking Sam & Bucky over Bucky & Steve is that Sam is a healthy, mature choice for Bucky-- a guy who has gone through a hell of a lot here and deserves all the good things-- whereas Steve, while not a bad man, is a regressive choice. It stems from the fact that Steve was never really comfortable with Bucky’s sexuality-- at least not when it mattered-- and that’s because Steve was not comfortable with his own... or much of anything about himself. This still wouldn’t matter so much in terms of who to ship Bucky with if it weren’t also for the fact that Bucky is perfect *for Sam*, who should get all the good things, and we’ll get into that a bit more below. Have to do Steve & Bucky first because chronology and also because that’s the other ship in question here, really. (Sorry, SteveSam people like if you are asking for stuff too and anyone cares, I don’t think I have enough for a whole meta post on why it’s kinda blah, if full of cute friendship moments, but I touch on it a bit further below.)

The entire plot of The First Avenger is about how Steve is obsessed with being Mr. America 1940-- and how he gets to that point is understandable. He was born with a ton of heart, a truly good man, but he’s small and sickly and he doesn’t love himself. He lacks confidence in himself because he holds himself up to a standard of masculinity put forth by a country on the brink of war-- and then, at war-- as physically strong and very, very straight.

While Steve is desperate to change how he looks, Bucky hides behind how he looks. Steve might look at Bucky and see a lot of what he wishes he was-- the good-looking soldier with a dame on each arm-- but at some point, he becomes aware of how Bucky is playacting. He’s not as he appears to be. He’s a man trying to survive a world that does not accept him and working to pass in that society, all the while with an eye to the World of Tomorrow. Not just the technology that grips his imagination but the idea that things could improve, things could change and he’ll fight for America because he, like Steve and later, Sam, believes in it but while Steve worships it, Bucky can love it while looking at it critically. It’s not built for men like him.

Steve never fully understands this because while Bucky is trying to show him some of the World of Tomorrow, he’s off making plans to get injected with super serum to fill in the gaps of what he feels he needs to become the man he is supposed to be.

The key difference between them is that Steve will do anything to be that man-- and that includes shoving any potential feelings he has for Bucky so deep that he won’t even acknowledge them (if he has them at all). Bucky, on the other hand, even in 1940, had more strength. He wasn’t as tormented by who he was. I’m sure he had some of it at some point but by the time we meet him in the movies, he’s fine with who he is, even if the country he serves and the society in which he lives is not. He could basically give af. He doesn’t think in the ��40s that he’s going to live to see an America that will ever really accept him and he fights for it anyway because Mr. America is really, fundamentally, more Captain America than The OG Captain America.

Steve is not a bad man by any stretch of the imagination but it’s clear that, at some point, he began to understand that Bucky liked men and while he didn’t do anything horrible about it-- like have Bucky arrested or told anyone else, both of which could have destroyed Bucky’s life at that time-- he never completely approved of it, either. Guaranteed he told Bucky more than once that if he just stopped, if he just found the right woman, etc-- he didn’t mean any harm with it but he was happy to think the way of his era, whereas Bucky was born ahead of his time. Still, Steve is probably the only person that Bucky knew then who knew his secret and that he protected it earned even more of Bucky’s loyalty and devotion.

Now, consider what happened when Steve Rogers was pulled out of the ice and found himself living in the literal World of Tomorrow. It’s imperfect, for sure. It’s overwhelming for him, especially at first, but it’s a world that he has to feel the wrong guy from the ‘40s has lived to see. How many times did Steve wish Bucky could see this world? How much was he thinking of Bucky when he met the literal son of the creator of the World of Tomorrow in Tony Stark-- a man who would challenge everything Steve thought was true about what it was to be a man? How guilty did Steve feel when he would sometimes get a little closer to being more open about himself in this world of Tony’s, when he’d think of how there had been a man who loved him in their own time, who was his best friend and gave him an unconditional love, even when Steve didn’t love himself, and how Steve just couldn’t love him like that in return?

Then, Steve’s journey results in him meeting Sam Wilson. They have some things in common-- they both know war and what it’s like to feel like like they might sink to the floor through a mattress. They both know the solitude of the floor and have not seem to have figured out a way beyond that. They both are runners-- literally and figuratively-- as they try to outrun the men from their pasts that they left behind... the fellow soldiers that didn’t make it home and died before their eyes. Sam is a good listener and Steve is Captain America-- they are able to help one another. Steve needs some counseling and Sam needs to feel a connection to the country he’s feeling has left him behind but that he loves. So, naturally, this is of course when Bucky resurfaces in the story.

The Winter Soldier’s existence breaks Steve in half because, for the first time, Bucky isn’t the strong one of the two of them. Bucky is in trouble and Steve never saved him. Have you all considered that The Howlies should have known Bucky was missing because back then, you left no man behind and they should have hiked down the hill for his body? If it wasn’t there, they should have realized he was *missing* and not *dead*? But they never did. Because, as crushed as he was by the loss of his closest friend, some dark part of Steve let Bucky be dead from that fall and couldn’t face seeing it for real because he couldn’t look at the unseeing, dead eyes of the man who loved him and accepted him, even when Steve was unable to give Bucky the latter in return. It was guilt and then that guilt pops up right as Steve is in conflict with Tony and has just met Sam not that long before-- these relationships with men in the modern era that challenge Steve to be a better version of who he was and who pops up but Steve’s living, breathing, prowling, raging guilt in human form.

And, man, is it ever causing some serious havoc...

So, why is Sam ultimately better? The guy who advised Steve that sometimes you couldn’t save them all and Bucky might be gone now and just needed to be stopped?

Steve couldn’t give up on Bucky because he felt he owed him. He had been on his own journey and realized a lot about how he used to think and act and here was Bucky again and a chance to make it up to him in some way. What’s of note, though? Steve does not act like someone who got a long-lost love back. He’s still running for Peggy the moment he has a chance. He’s still not capable of looking at Bucky as anything beyond his oldest, closest friend. What he wants for Bucky, though, is the World of Tomorrow.

Suddenly, there’s a chance to give to Bucky the thing he’s been thinking all the time since he woke up-- that this is a world for Bucky Barnes. Steve, out of his sense of loyalty and his decades-long guilt, moves heaven and earth to give Bucky that chance and is grateful when T’Challa will help to bring Bucky back. The irony of all of this is that Bucky Barnes, the man who used to hide his true self beneath an exterior identity, is now a man completely trapped beneath The Winter Soldier and when Steve sees a glimmer of that, he *has* to save Bucky.

What Sam learns along the way is that he and Steve have some things in common, sure, but he has more in common with Bucky Barnes. Sam is a man who understands what it is to have PTSD and the struggle to overcome it. He used to think he was the Steve of this story-- the one who watched his old soldier friend fall to his death-- but he has quickly realized he’s actually the Bucky... the guy who loved a man who couldn’t love him back and who was lost to him, leaving him spinning. Sam knows what it is to have to act in a different way to try to be accepted by a society that doesn’t have your back, even if you love the country with your whole heart anyway. He knows what it’s like to be a veteran who was left behind and forgotten about, discounted and forced to find his own way. For sure, Bucky has enjoyed more privileges in his day (pre-Winter Soldier) by virtue of being white than Sam has but neither of them are ever going to be what Steve Rogers wanted to be. Neither of them are that outdated ideal of 1940s blue eyed blond Star-Spangled Man with a Plan kind of masculinity.

Sam is also something Steve still really isn’t, even in the modern era, which is a man who is comfortable with the fact that he is attracted to men. In this World of Steve and Bucky’s Tomorrow that is the present, that is something that is no longer needed to be kept as hidden as it once was. It is not an era of complete change, especially in places like the military and when it comes to celebrity-- the nexus of Captain America’s world, really-- but it is an absolutely revolutionary transformation from when Bucky was last in control of his mind in the 1940s.

Sam is a quieter guy, even if he’s cheerful and amiable on the surface. He keeps a lot to himself. He’s clearly not gotten seriously involved with anybody in awhile when we met him and hadn’t between then and TFATWS, either, despite being a smart, gorgeous, kind and empathetic Avenger. The one who has caught his eye is the once-brainwashed assassin who keeps showing up to save his life (often from an annoying teenager with webbed fingers, much to their chagrin). It’s Bucky that he’s stuck with and that’s not just because he feels like Steve would want him to. Both he and Bucky think that the other might just be caring because of Steve but they prove to one another that this isn’t the case-- that their instincts that they have something that might be independent of Steve is true. They’re both afraid. They’ve both been through a lot and do not trust easily so it’s a thrill when they realize they really can trust one another-- and that they actually do *see* one another there. They don’t just see Steve’s shadow. They understand what the other needs and get better at it the longer they are together because they are fundamentally more alike and better suited than either of them are with Steve.

TFATWS has Bucky telling Sam that he and Steve talked about giving Sam the shield and since Steve’s shield in the present was broken in the battle with Thanos in Endgame, it means that Bucky knew the plan in its entirety (which goes along with how he doesn’t seem surprised by it in Endgame as well.) It means Bucky knew that Steve was going to go back to the time they were from and find Peggy after he put the stones back and have that dance. It means that Bucky standing there while Sam spoke with Steve knew he would see Old Steve that day, knew the whole thing. Steve, being the fundamentally decent man he is, had to have offered for Bucky to come with him. He probably really wished he would because he would love to have his friend back then with him for the rest of their lives. It would be a way to do it all over-- to go back to where they began and this time, Steve would try to be more supportive. You know he would have tried to be different, even if he couldn’t feel any thing different than what he did. But Bucky...?

Bucky had to see a life of more hell in that. What was the plan there for him? He goes back with Steve, they put the stones away, they find Peggy and then what? The rest of Bucky’s life is him married to some friend of Peggy’s they set him up with? Stolen moments with some man, if he was lucky enough to meet one? A family made not from love-- not the kind of love, anyway, that Bucky would like to have? What was waiting for him back then? Nothing.

Because he’s been through sheer hell but, somehow, he’s been given something he never thought was possible then: the chance to not only see what the future might be like but to live in it, as a part of it.

For sure, Endgame!Bucky, who had just gotten his mind back not that long before The Snap and just came back from dust to fight a battle and go to a funeral and that’s about it, hasn’t the first clue what the first step he should take to sort himself out enough to figure out how to live again is... but even then, even in that place of nothing but vulnerability and pain, he’s hopeful. He’s strong enough to say that’s what he wants. He wants what Steve wants, in a way-- to live in the time he belongs in and be able to find a life for himself. He wants the love and the family he never got to experience and wouldn’t in the same way in the era he was born in. Staying in the present to work though his pain and figure it out-- to have that choice-- means more to Bucky than following Steve because while Bucky believes in Steve’s goodness and would follow that to the moon and back, Steve cannot give him what he once might have wanted, which is to look at him the way that Steve looks at Peggy. Bucky wants that. Steve might not understand not wanting to live in the 1940s entirely but he wants Bucky to have whatever he wants. He feels uncomfortable not being there to see it through-- hence, that kind of awkward hug before he travels back in time. There are things that Bucky wants and needs that Steve doesn’t fully appreciate but he can appreciate him needing to make the choice to live the way he wants to live and deserving the freedom to do just that.

Consider the rush for Bucky when he realizes that Steve’s snarky friend might have just looked at him when he thought he wasn’t looking, that maybe that heat between them isn’t one-sided. That they live *now* and while it’s not free of challenges, it’s paradise compared to the 1940s. That maybe, just maybe, he lived through all this hell because he’s supposed to be here now and maybe that also means he’s supposed to be with this man who not only understands him but who is everything that Bucky couldn’t have been in his day-- openly attracted to men? If you were Bucky, there’s no way you couldn’t be entertaining fantasies about being able to take Sam for a romantic walk by the water somewhere and no one calling the police if you were to kiss him at sunset...

Not to mention that if you’re Sam? Who is going to get your PTSD and understand when you get a little quiet more than the guy you met while he fell out of the sky and tried to murder you while brainwashed? Who is so annoying because he’s dryly funny and annoyingly hot and more good than anyone who has been through that amount of hell should have a right to be? Who is enough like you to be made for you but different enough that you’ll never be bored? Who makes you feel safer than you’ve ever felt-- safe enough to give over a lot of the trust you are hesitant to give much of anyone because you know he won’t abuse it? You have to be entertaining thoughts about spending a lifetime making him feel as safe and finding new ways to make him laugh...

Sam and Bucky are the ones that will protect one another’s hearts. Steve is a great guy whose arc with Bucky is about making up for hurting him and growing as a person as a result, not about Steve’s undying romantic and/or sexual love, IMO. Among other things, Sam is the first man Bucky has been able to consider building a life with and I’d wager it actually works in reverse for Sam, despite him being born much later than Bucky-- Riley could have been Sam’s lover but there is enough pining regret there that I think he saw Sam in the way that Steve saw Bucky. There’s enough there to suggest that Sam had not met someone he saw a future with until Bucky, which would also account for the occasional nervousness. They seem like opposites but, in many ways, they’re exactly alike and in the ways that they are not, they compliment one another. Sam and Bucky are each other’s chances at happiness and peace so if you’re still saying Bucky should be sobbing in Steve’s notebook waiting for him to come back from the woman he left him for... why are you wishing such hell on this poor guy? Bucky deserves the smiles and the lightness in his step and the sister and the nephews and the community cookouts and, most of all, *Sam*...

...and Sam deserves the sun, the moon and the stars and seems content having found his way to the shield and to Bucky so let them be happy for the hot minute they will be until their movie conflict. ;) Steve’s getting his dance-- Bucky and Sam deserve theirs, too.

#sambucky #stucky #captain america #bucky barnes #sam wilson #steve rogers #the falcon #tfatws #thewintersoldier #thewhitewolf #marvel #mcu

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jazzywazzy89 · 4 years

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i don't like how people are going smugly like 'LMAO how are u guys already writing fics for joaquin/sam??' just like how you people write about to bland white characters with little to no interactions but i guess the tables have turned: the characters of color getting all the adoration, fics, and headcanon essays and it makes ya'll uncomfortable right? stay mad lol!

Anon! Thank you for this ask because I didn’t want to go there but I feel like it is necessary. I definitely feel like a lot of people’s discomfort with the ship, whether they realize or not or in some cases want to acknowledge it or not, is that it consists of two PoC characters.

I understand that Sam and Joaquin have a pre-existing bond in the comics that is that of a mentor/mentee or more familial in nature depending on your viewpoint. But honestly MCU is a separate thing and Spellman himself who writers for the show said that they weren’t drawing specifically from the comics. If they were Sam would not be from Louisiana no matter how hard it is for Mackie to keep his accent from surfacing sometimes. Joaquin wouldn’t be in the military. Sam is not out here talking to birds or wearing a V-neck super suit no matter how much we or Mackie would love to see it. And the list goes on and on. Also, it is funny to me how people are bringing the comics into play when St*cky is a whole ass ship despite Bucky being Steve’s child sidekick in the comic verse. Do I ship St*cky or like their fanbase, no, but I stay out of the tags, block them when I see them in the Sam tags with unrelated posts and keep it moving. Ship and let ship. Every ship is not going to be your cup of tea. It’s not that deep.

Also like you said, people have shipped white favs in the MCU for less. Darcy Lewis gets shipped with literally every MCU male regardless of whether or not they have interacted on screen at all. People for some reason ship Tony and Peter when Peter was a whole ass teenager in the MCU onscreen when they first interacted and their actual dynamic was set up as an pseudo-paternal one. Again I am talking in the MCU. But when we are presented with Joaquin who is is an adult male on screen with admiration for Sam and highly capable in his own right he immediately gets infantilization and Sam is immediately coined as mentor/father figure, in spite of the actors having chemistry (which to be fair is subjective) and them approaching each other as more partners/equals even with Joaquin’s clear admiration of Sam, than mentor/mentee bonds we have seen in the past.

I am not saying this to shame anyone. I am a multishipper, so I say ship and let ship. But I feel like what is making people uncomfortable about this is that there are to men of color and the ship doesn’t include a white fav as a source of inspiration, or in the case of how some people like to write PoC in this fandom be in het or queer pairings, as a recipient of the love, care, devotion, etc. etc. etc. from the other half of the ship, especially if the one half of the ship is a PoC. I have read enough fics with Sam being written as a therapist/token in both the Sambucky and Samsteve fandoms to notice this. Which is exactly why I am wary of some of the newcomers to the Sambucky fandom.

I just honestly don’t feel like people would be giving all of this static if folks were shipping Joaquin with Bucky or hell even with that flag smasher that beat him up because folks even ship Sam with Rumlow which is a whole other type to questionable.

But I am not even say people have to ship it. If you don’t want to then don’t. Do you. Go enjoy the ships that you enjoy but you don’t have to come at new shippers when the ship is just starting out for no reason. The shippers I have seen that enjoy the ship enjoy solely on the basis of Mackie and Ramirez have mad onscreen chemistry and their scene in the viewpoints of some, myself included, being queer coded. And it been two white men on the screen or Joaquin and Bucky, I feel like there would be more people on boarding the ship than naysayers.

Either way ships are meant to be fun. They are meant to be enjoyed. Let people ship what they ship move on. It is has been one episode about people are literally out here getting mad and folks for having fun with hypothetical pairings. And most of the pairings I am seeing folks get mad about, Sam/Joaquin, Sarah/Bucky, Bucky/Leah, Sam/Sharon, either include people of color or mess with someone’s fanon perception of the character or both. That is not a coincidence. But as you said anon they can stay mad because I am going to ship what the hell I want regardless so....

#fandom fuckery #lol #tfatws spoilers #sam x joaquin #sambucky #sam wilson #joaquin torres #this isn't anti but i am tagging anyway because everyone stay sensitive #find something to do #like enjoy the shit you actually ship and go #anti stucky #i don't even know the tony and peter ship name #whatever #all i am saying is if you don't ship it why get mad just enjoy what you like #anons #replies

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the-magic-lava-lamp · 3 years

Text

Harvest Moon

Summary: {A light sequel to: Unforgettable} They laughed, sort of sadly. The full night sky enriched them with gentle peace, strengthened by the soft light of the stars. The temperature dropped considerably since Sam had initially come out. But he didn’t mind the nice chill, it braced his skin and left him with tingling goosebumps. It reminded Sam how real the moment actually was. Paying less attention to the hearty sloshes of water, Sam picked up his radio.

Ships: SamBucky

Word Count: 5,285

The light from the orange sunset flushed Sam Wilson’s cheeks, encouraging the spread of an internally hot blush. Color blossomed under his soft complexion with all the grace of the water rings rippling under the rocks skipping on the lake. Though the sweat was just beginning to puddle in his palms and drip down his temple, Sam was only focused on the fevered senses of comfort which had been deep-rooted in his chest since arriving back home.

The babbling waters had called him out to the docks just the same as they did when he was small. And following that nostalgia, Sam felt the ghost of supper on the stove. Turns out his fucked up Avengers mind could still remind himself to be home before the porcelain plates hit the table. No longer his Mama--but Sarah who would be annoyed with him and that was perhaps more threatening. He thought as his tiny radio played on.

AJ and Cass had fallen asleep with the gentle nudge of a fuzzy re-run of ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’ and the promise of a hot meal when they awoke. Sam’s absence would be noticed very soon.

‘Sittin' in the mornin' sun

I'll be sittin' when the evenin' comes

Watching the ships roll in

Then I watch 'em roll away again, yeah

I'm sittin' on the dock of the bay

Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh

I'm just sittin' on the dock of the bay

Wastin' time…’

He swiped salty sweat from his brow and found himself dwelling on the evening, wanting to change the direction of the souring sun. No matter what, Sam always began to mourn the day at around 5 p.m. Everyday could’ve been better. The threat of night’s permanent closure and the bearer of nightmares fermented him with anxiety. He was working on that issue with his therapist.

‘Now I'm just gon' sit, at the dock of the bay

Watchin' the tide roll away, ooh yeah

Sittin' on the dock of the bay

Wastin' time…’

Otis began the famed whistling as Sam leaned back on his hands, palms flat on the warm dock. He felt the movement just before a voice began whistling along behind him. It chirped delicately in Sam’s ear, until the song faded and with it--

Sam turned--Bucky Barnes sing-along.

Bucky grinned, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Nice to see you so…” He craned his neck and squinted his eyes. “Lazy.” Even he looked a bit confused by the word choice.

“Thanks…” Sam chuckled.

“I just mean--” Buck paused, scratching down from his chin to his neck. Sam saw that he did that often enough to earn patches of grainy red skin under his facial hair.

Sam smirked, pulling his left thigh up and around from the edge. His eyes simmered Bucky’s blush.

“Have you ever had the time to laze around?” Bucky asked, amazed at his own wondering. “To sit and watch the sun on the water?” He gestured frantically outward. “You’ve been a busy guy...not that I helped you with that any…”

Sam shook his head. “Nah, man. Tracking your ass for Steve reaped some rewards.” He gestured for the man to rest his old bones down next to him and Bucky hesitantly took the offer. His knees cracked with sharp pops all the way down.

“No old man jokes, I swear-”

Sam held up his hands. “I wasn’t planning on it, Bucky.” He glanced at Steve’s old friend and for a moment, couldn’t believe the man of history books and horror stories was ‘sun-setting’ in Sam’s home-town. The orange light caressed his face in the same eerie way it’d done way back at Tony’s funeral.

“Thanks for letting me stay-” Bucky went to rub his chin again. “Not quite separate vacations but…” He chuckled, fading off. It was subconscious, the way Bucky led in with no follow through. He wanted Sam to be the one to initiate the conversation.

But Sam bit his tongue. He deserved to hear what Bucky had to say without having to pull it out himself.

Bucky turned with those doe eyes, tired but with enough energy left to admire his partner. “I hurt you....” He frowned, bitter with himself. “I know that and I’m damn sorry, Sam.” His voice was crisp and steady but his eyes wavered.

Sam sighed, eyes back on the water. “We were getting somewhere, man. And you just…” He flicked his hand out. “Disappeared on me.” He paused.

“I shouldn’t have left you...especially at such an ambiguous time for us.” Bucky stumbled slightly on his words.

Sam took a long blink, remembering the ‘unforgettable’ feeling of being held again. “I’m more hurt by the fact that I got nothing but radio silence from you-” He swallowed. “Past that-” He glanced at Bucky “Thing we had just started. I thought we’d reached a point where we could communicate.” He shrugged with muted emotion. “We were friends.” He added with a slight question in his voice. He watched Bucky’s eyes flicker with guilt.

“If you had given me a heads up, maybe. That’s all.” Sam patted his thigh. “I can understand needing space. I understand that even answering texts can be difficult as hell when your mind feels sick. I’ve been there, Buck. Shit’s hard.” He felt a dark twist in his stomach and tried not to dwell in his own memories. “I don’t hold this against you. I know you’re a good guy.” Sam made sure Bucky looked him in the eye for that particular sentiment. “But you should know how I felt about it. Whatever relationship we end up having; Friends, co-workers, partners-” He flicked his fingers. “I’d hope you’d think about how your decisions affect me.”

They held the next silence for a few minutes, Bucky seemingly taking in what he’d said. “For me, it was like I blinked and you were gone with the wind. I didn’t know how you were doing for months--if you were even okay. But then, out of the blue, you come back and you’re pissed about something that wasn’t about you.” Sam shrugged, feeling a bit lighter for every word he’d been simmering on for weeks.

Bucky grimaced, looking extremely pained. “I’m really sorry, Sam.” He repeated himself with genuine regret. The light around them bled darker. “I let a lot of my intrusive thoughts control me.” He hissed at his own words but quickly moved on. “Part of me let it happen because I’m not sure I could handle a competent hand on the wheel. I’ve lived as the...Winter Soldier longer than Bucky, you know-? And Holy shit that’s something I try not to perceive.” He turned, hoping he wasn’t over-sharing. “It’s terrifying to think it’s just in my nature...being destructive. I’m always nervous-” He paused again. “Not that I’m going to hurt someone--but the feeling that I need to will bleed back into me…” His voice faded off again as he picked at a loose string on his jeans.

“This is something you’re talking about in therapy, right?” Sam quirked his brow, needing the answer to be yes but the distant pain in his head reminded him that he dodged plenty of shit from his therapist.

Bucky nodded and before Sam could speak again, asked the question he’d been aching to for months. “I want to go back to you-”

“Of course you do.” Sam chuckled.

Bucky rolled his eyes. “How have you been, really?”

Sam thought for a minute. “Working myself to death, mostly.” He laughed, though it didn’t sound happy at all. “Been seeing Sarah and the boys as much as I can…”

The sky purpled, darkness bleeding into the orange hues. The stars would soon be visible and Bucky was almost positive Sam would now push the question off, neglecting the details. For as much as he complains that Bucky doesn’t talk about himself enough, Sam often avoids voicing his own feelings.

“Sarah was swamped and anxious, despite what she says-”

“And what were you feeling, Samuel?” Bucky playfully tapped his friend’s knee with a smug grin.

Sam rolled his eyes but grinned slightly at the familiar teasing. He wasn’t sure how to put his thoughts into words so he turned back to the water. “Thought a lot about the soul stone, actually.” The sentence rolled casually off his tongue but did nothing to relieve the stress it’d been causing him.

Bucky tried to remain stoic but a glint of concern shined over his eyes. The infinity stone felt somehow personal between them. Though nobody had memories of their time dusted, Sam and Bucky came out with a new sense of intimacy for each other. It was as if something happened in those 5 years, which felt like only a brief nap to them and in that blip, they’d connected. Falling together was comfortingly natural after that.

“My last thought before I...dusted, was ‘Maybe I’ll get to see Riley.’ ” Sam whizzed his palm in the air, voice breaking slightly and definitely against his will.

Bucky’s heart twitched. They’d gone dancing in the evening after Tony Stark’s funeral. It was the most blissful Bucky’d ever been and he’d spent the night in Sam’s hotel room doing the most talking he’d ever spoken. Nothing physical happened nor did either man think of it, they were too busy soaking up all the information they could get from the other before the night ended. They could truly get to know each other for the first time.

Bucky went on about his family, as much as he could remember anyway. Sam talked of his parents; Paul and Darlene and eventually trailed his way to Riley.

Sam halted his next thought for a few minutes because it was damn hard to illustrate. “I know we weren’t actually dead-” He rolled his lips together “Or maybe we were, still not clear on all that.” He sighed into another little laugh. “But I just want a few more minutes with him...you know?”

Bucky nodded, giving him a ‘go on’ expression.

“I guess our souls were floating around in the stone but--” He broke off, looking down at the water. “For five years, Both our names were on gravestones and in all that time, I couldn’t just see or feel him one time?” Fists now clenched into tight fists. His body language was horrifyingly angry, contrasting the deep despair that was the expression on his face. He was almost sure that none of his words made sense, they’d been jumbling around in him for months like a virus and to be regurgitated so suddenly felt...messy.

The radio, which Sam had long forgotten about, continued to roll-out soft volume static above glimpses of songs. “Fuck, Sam--” Bucky squinted towards the sky, taking in the brief glance into Sam’s head. “I know exactly what you mean…” He turned quickly, admiring Sam’s presence as his adoration for the man thumped like the heart-beat in his chest. “I always figured I’d never get that peace with my family...but I always assumed it’d be for some iteration of Hell.” He rubbed his palm against his neck and laughed.

Sam elbowed him lightly, forcing Bucky to find his words again.

“Knowing--through you and how I feel about you--” Bucky gestured between them. “That I had a mellow...impermanent afterlife(?) yet still didn’t get to see my family...well it feels like I was cheated.” He shrugged.

“I don’t think your soul’s going anywhere bad, Buck. Don’t know what happens after we’re gone for good but you’re not ditching me again.” He drifted off, feeling a sudden unbearable disappointment. “Nat’ll be there too.”

Bucky took in a breath, enjoying the tickling static of Sam’s hand. “Riley too, don’t worry about that, ok?” He tapped Sam’s hand. “I think, when we go back into the weeds and the dirt--”

“That’s a tender way of putting it, Bucky.” Sam blinked, trying not to put himself in an internal coffin because he was significantly chilled now.

Bucky smiled. “I think we get the peace of nothing. Just a return to nature with the souls of those we loved.” He rubbed his finger into the corner of his eye like a grandpa and sighed. “I’ve seen and experienced a lot of the Heaven/Hell folklore in my life and I’m not crazy about it, Sam” He wagged his finger and Sam pushed him slightly with a nice feeling of content.

“We can only comfort ourselves, nothing greater will do it for us. So we write ourselves a multitude of fiction that may, or may not, ease us into accepting death.” Sam bumped their elbows together and eyed a distant bird as it darted across and just above the water.

“I’m glad whatever it was that happened between us in that stone, happened.” Bucky added sheepishly. Turning to look at his partner under the increasingly vivid stars, Bucky hiccupped as a huge wave of affection hit him. “Cause I really like you, Sam.”

"But don't discredit yourself. It wasn't just the stone that magically brought us together--" Bucky lightly pushed Sam's bicep. "I-...I can't begin to explain how much it means to me that you made an effort to be my friend...even during the last few months of me ghosting you and not listening to you about the shield. You didn't have to do that."

Somewhere supper was threatening to get cold and Sarah was playing their meals with a concerned frown, Sam just knew that sister of his too well. He hoped to scrap together just a bit more time. "What can I say?" He smiled "I like you too. People need people, Buck. I wasn't gonna sit back and let you cut yourself off."

Bucky laid back on the dock, laying his palm flat to his chest. He repeated the phrase over and over in his head. 'People need people.' "Goes both ways, you know Sam?" He spoke with deep confidence but continued to laze on the dock, trying to find an angle where the sun was blocked and he could stare up at Sam. “Meaning, I hope you’ve been letting Sarah help you out...and seeing your therapist.”

Sam gently smacked his hand atop Bucky’s like a comforting beat of thunder. “Giving my best effort.” He nodded thoughtfully.

Bucky fluttered his eyes with the pace of his heart. “This is the first time I’ve seen you so...still, Wilson.”

Sam tossed his head back and laughed, knowing Bucky had hit the nail on the head with that one. The back of his neck cooled as he watched the slates of wood under them pale. The glimmers of tired orange light died and vapid pastel-white tones took their place, nestled in the cracks. Part of him wanted to disagree though he hadn’t the spirit. “I don’t like relaxing because it gives me too much time inside myself.”

Bucky nodded, encouraging Sam to go on. Fearing the man would never pick it up again if he suddenly decided to close himself off again.

“There’s too much to do...I feel like I don’t deserve it.” Sam shrugged, a clear illustration of his frustration. He’d definitely pulled this thread a few million times in his life.

“Don’t deserve it?” Bucky sat up just a little, resting on his forearms, he slanted his head as if the adoring smile was just too heavy. “C’mon Doll--” He cut himself off a bit too late.

“Slipping back into old habits, huh?” Sam rolled his eyes but waved a dismissive hand. “You’re cute.” He teased, shoving the guy gently.

Bucky played along, pretending Sam had used enough of that strength of his to knock him back onto the dock. “I think now is a great time for a few days off Sam.”

The man hummed, thinking about the public...what they expected of their new ‘Captain America’ and what the flicker of the new spot-light in his favor revealed about those who loved Steve for all the wrong reasons. Knowing, as a black man, he’d have to go above and beyond all those assumptions just to garner the same amount of respect they gave Steve. The anger he felt from that was righteous but god forbid he show any sense of hurt because then he’d just be labeled ‘ungrateful’ and ‘giving people grief’. He rubbed under his eye with a longing sigh. “I can’t really afford that right now, Buck.”

His body shivered as he tried to push away the intrusive images; Walker slamming into the man over and over without hesitation, thick puddles of blood covering his shield, carrying Karli’s lifeless body over an audience where half of the people celebrated her death...perceiving and exploiting her as another ‘super-villain’.

“Hey.” Bucky softly sat up and pulled Sam’s elbow until their eyes met. “I’ve been told I’m a great listener.” He didn’t pull away, instead hesitantly he curled his hand around Sam’s arm. His fingers pressed dimples into Sam’s skin. Bucky nestled there and his friend exhaled a little, unclenching his body.

“It’s daunting.” He nodded to himself before tipping his chin to face Bucky. “A bucket doesn’t hold a tidal wave but that’s all I got.” He shrugged, noticing Bucky’s quirked brow. “Something my dad used to say...meaning there’s too much to say so I gotta give you a shitty summary, you know?” He shook his head.

“I know I’m one to talk but try using more words...buzz-words if you have to.” Bucky looked momentarily proud of his modern vocabulary and squeezed Sam’s arm tighter.

Sam chuckled. “Let’s say...nerve-wrecking.” He added, bumping his elbow into Bucky’s side. “With all that’s happened...I’m worried--” He landed on a word he felt comfortable with. “Being Captain America...it’s heavy on my shoulders, man. I know I can do it, I trust myself when it comes down to the wire. I hold myself to my standards.” He trailed off again, listening to distant sounds of kids skipping rocks across the water. “I know where this job’s going to take me and I’m ok with that, glad to do it.” He looked back at Bucky with determined eyes.

“I’m not concerned with my fate.” Another deep breath racked his body, he wasn’t used to being so utterly serious with his current company. “I think about how it ended for Tony and I worry about the kid--”

Bucky nodded, He’d only briefly been aware of Stark’s ‘surrogate’ son and spoke a handful of words to him at the funeral, Sam and Wanda at his side.

Sam rubbed his neck with his free hand, feeling intense pressure all over his body. All his limbs tingled as if they were asleep. He’d not realized the true extent of how much this had been eating away at him. Speaking of eating, dinner was for sure cold by now…“Met his Aunt at the funeral.” She’d been proud of her boy but behind her eyes lived guttural fear, Sam knew that much. “I’m thinking about Rhodey because I sure as hell know the pain of losing your best friend.”

Bucky tightened his grip on Sam even further. He’d lost Steve so many times but the time had come for the permanent end and by then...well had they even felt like best friends anymore?

“I can’t even figure out what’s going on with Wanda.” Sam clicked his tongue with a bitter chuckle. “Girl’s doing her best to stay off the grid and I can’t imagine that’s good for her. I know Torres can handle himself but I wonder if I should be helping him more. Not to mention Bruce. What the hell is his mental state right now?” He added with a confused wave of his hand. “I’m even worrying about Scott!” Sam rubbed at his eyebrow and sighed. “This is all beside Sarah and the kids, who I’m constantly thinking about.” He laughed, voice strained and tired.

Bucky waited a few seconds, just to make sure Sam had finished. In that short moment, his heart swelled for him. “You’re a good person, Sam. But you’re only one man.” He shook him just a little bit. “Truthfully, You’ll always be concerned for them. It’s just in your nature. Don’t fight the intrusive thoughts...accept their presence and remember you’ve got a team.” Bucky trailed off, going over what he’d just said again in his head.

Sam’s shoulders sank with another deep sigh. “Thanks, Buck.” He swiped his hand down his face and noticed how much lighter he felt.

Bucky responded physically. He tugged Sam down with him as he laid back on the dock, shoulders bumping together harmoniously which sent chills through Bucky’s entire body. The good kind...maybe the amazing kind. Hell, they tingled under his skin just about every moment he spent with Sam. That deeply buried fear that he might spend the rest of his life making himself excruciatingly uncomfortable in his own body, trapped under his skin which was always crawling, faded from the realm of possibility each time Sam’s presence flushed Bucky with comfortable jitters.

“You’re getting good taste, by the way-”

Bucky only squinted at him, still half in deep thought. So Sam started Otis’s whistling again and watched his friend realize what he was talking about. His nose scrunched up while he nodded.

“How do you decide what to listen to?” Sam turned, they were nearly nose-to-nose. “I mean, how do you narrow it down when you’ve got decades to catch up on?” Sam’s mind flickered through artists like a jukebox--which was 1 thing he’d always wanted to buy, a real old school one.

Bucky shifted his jaw, making an eerie click, a precursor to his amused grin. “I made a list of artists I remember liking before…” He waved his hand, turning slightly to watch the dewey clouds cover the moon. “And the periods in-and-out of being frozen...I have a list of what I remember by decade-” He chuckled.

Sam sat up on his forearms. “I’d like to see these lists. The record set-up in Sarah’s living room is not a decoration, you know? It’s almost as great as mine back in D.C.” He grinned, thinking about the days, so far gone now. Mama and Sarah dancing around the kitchen.

“It really faded off during the 80’s.” Bucky pushed up to level himself next to Sam. “And not that I’ve had much time, mind you--” he laughed. “But from there, I just follow what I’m fond of like family trees and consider the few recommendations I’ve collected.” He trailed off, starting to do the Otis whistle again.

Sam let him follow through to the end, anticipating the tender connotations of the song to come after this day ended. “Out of all these decades...who are your favorite artists? Just curious.” Sam grinned. The answer to this question spoke loudly about a person, in his opinion.

Bucky looked thoughtfully content with the question, grin cocking a bit to the right as he held out his fist above him. “I’d have to say...Ella-” He flicked out a thumb, no last name necessary. Sam knew that woman like the back of his hand.

“Nat King Cole-” Bucky softened his eyes, searching again for that unforgettable memory in Sam, and smiling when the expression was reciprocated in his eyes which shimmered like sunlight through the trees. “Roy Orbison.” Two more metal fingers curled down. “John Denver and Billy Joel.” He let his hand fall back to his chest, satisfied for only a few seconds. “But I really love Judy Garland too.”

“So you like the mellow ballads--” He hummed. “Slow and kinda sad, huh?” Sam bumped his arm lightly. It made good sense to him. Bucky enjoyed the peace which came effortlessly from lone singer-songwriters. His five--or rather six--showed a natural progression.

“What about you?” Bucky asked, in a calm tone of voice though his eyes read eager.

“Marvin Gaye, Sam Cooke, The Drifters…” Sam paused, really thinking over his picks. “Earth Wind and Fire, Linda Ronstadt and since you got a bonus...Billie Holiday.” Sam rested his palm flat on his chest, content to feel the steady beating that let him know he was still alive. A rich sense of comfort rushed over him as if a fresh load of laundry had just been dropped on his still body. There’d been too many days in his life where that buried thumping was only a reminder of non-stop existence, like a neverending rollercoaster. Installing him with dread, guilt and panic. He was glad to find those days fewer and farther between.

“You make me feel like I’m livin’ in a Drifters song, Doll.” Bucky was only half teasing, for he was speaking a genuine thought but wasn’t sure how welcome it’d be.

“I like that one.” Sam hummed, turning his cheek once more toward the man beside him. “Tell me how you really feel.” He hiked himself up fully to return to his seated position, legs dangling over the side and casting faint shadows of foot-steps on the water.

Bucky paused with concern, not sure he understood the reply before he processed it fully. He wanted to smirk but the sentiment out-weighed the amusement. He sat up too, pulling one knee up to rest an arm over while the other dangled next to Sam’s. “I got it bad, Sam.” He made their wandering eyes meet.

“Me too.” Sam nodded with that dazzling grin. “You’re under my skin, what can I say?” He shook his head and tried to let his smile fade, finding he couldn’t.

“If they weren’t gone...I’d be buggin’ you to meet my family.” Bucky ignored the twist in his gut because Sam’s reactions were his comfort. “Though who’s to say how they’d feel about the….” He trailed off and Sam nodded. “You being a fella part of it--”

“A fella of color, too.” Sam added with a bit of a smirk.

“Fuck.” Bucky cursed quietly and playfully tugged Sam’s hand. They curled their fingers together in an exquisitely natural way. “They loved me…” His face stilled with longing. “I’d like to think--But maybe it’s best not to go down that road. I don’t believe I turned out how they’d wanted anyway.” He chuckled, pitfully.

Sam tightened their grip on each other for a minute. “I know what you mean.” He bumped their folded hands onto Bucky’s thigh. “I’m always wondering what my parents would think of all this…” He flicked his free hand. “My career?” He almost wanted to laugh with astonished pride. Never had he expected to grow up to be a superhero. “Riley too.” He felt there was more to say but his mouth fell shut.

“Just a way to hurt ourselves, I guess.” Bucky shrugged. “And we sure as Hell love to do that.”

They laughed, sort of sadly. The full night sky enriched them with gentle peace, strengthened by the soft light of the stars. The temperature dropped considerably since Sam had initially come out. But he didn’t mind the nice chill, it braced his skin and left him with tingling goosebumps. It reminded Sam how real the moment actually was. Paying less attention to the hearty sloshes of water, Sam picked up his radio.

‘Come a little bit closer

Hear what I have to say

Just like children sleepin'

We could dream this night away…’

He might have heard the song before, couldn’t be sure, and if he was alone he might have continued flipping stations just in case an older favorite was slipping through his fingers. But Bucky began to hum with the tune.

‘But there's a full moon risin'

Let's go dancin' in the light

We know where the music's playin'

Let's go out and feel the night…’

Sam gathered himself up from the creaky dock, stretching his body little by little and watching Bucky’s wandering eyes. He gently held out his hands which was enough of a sign for Bucky to happily grab them and pull himself up.

Sam shoved the radio in his pocket with a smile and though Bucky was more than just pleased to see him so jovial, he also felt a flicker of nervousness. “Man...for the first time in a while, I feel lucky as Hell.”

‘Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon…’

Sam raised his brow and initiated the first few dance steps with his partner hardly noticing the movement at all. “How’s that?”

“I’m lucky to be in love with someone I like so much.” Bucky puffed out a relaxed sigh with his words and finally leaned into the dancing with real vigor. “Sam, I’ve never wanted to spend my life with someone as badly as I do with you.”

Wind whistled past their shoulders but Sam felt perfectly warm. He let Bucky take the lead and allowed himself to be spun. The cool light of the moon acted as a highlighter, beams of translucent white caressed the shape of Sam’s body. Following the curve of his hips and sliding down the length of his legs. “Growing old with you...becoming a cranky old man couple, that sounds like fun.” He spoke as if he hadn’t had true fun in years which was probably true.

A bush fondly bloomed under Bucky’s skin. Behind his fluttering eyelashes, Bucky indulged for once in his life. To drink in all that was this man in front of him.

However Sam’s eyes were now focused on a cupped hand, which had somehow slipped from Bucky’s, where a yellow toned light would flicker every few seconds. Whenever the yellow light skimmed his face, he would grin with pure joy.

“You never caught a firefly before, Sam?” Bucky asked in jest, with a huff of amused laughter.

Sam gently guided the bug into Bucky’s face.

“Oh, fuck! You asshole” Bucky scrunched up his nose and swatted dramatically at his nose. “I change my mind, cancel my idea. Gonna crawl back into the absolute hole that is my apartment--” He playfully backed away from his friend.

Before Bucky could slip the last inch of his skin from Sam’s hand, the man used the full strength of his extended arm to fiercely pull him back and into his chest. Like a damn professional dancer. “I’ve been seeing myself from grief’s eyes for too damn long. Think I’m ready to take control of my own life. I want to be with you.” He playfully grinned. “What about you?”

Bucky glowed in Sam’s arms. “For a long time, I lost my sense of self…” He scratched behind his ear. “But never my fuckin’ point of view.” His voice broke just a little. “I had to see and feel every horrendous thing the Winter Soldier did. “I’ll bear the consequences for the rest of my life and I accept that.” He shook his head. “But I’m ready to accept happiness too. I really want to be with you, Sam.”

Sam nodded, content as he’d ever been. “I think we should get our dinner before Sarah comes to drag us by our ears.”

Bucky pressed a sweet kiss, full of longing and fulfillment. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.” He laughed, taking Sam’s arm and pulling him down the dock with a spring in both their steps.

‘But now it's gettin' late

And the moon is climbin' high

I want to celebrate

See it shinin' in your eye’

‘Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon’

#sambucky #is this good?#idk #i feel too awful to focus #sam wilson #Bucky Barnes #winterfalcon #the falcon and the winter soldier #sarah wilson #my fanfiction #tell me what you think #Marvel Comics #marvel #MCU #marvel fanfiction

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do-angels-dream-of-starry-seas · 4 years

Text

If anyone wants to read my rant about why I don't want Sharon to be Bucky or Sam's love interest but is fine with Bucky finding love with Leah or Sarah, then go ahead.

So like, when it comes to Sharon and her history in the MCU, it's... not. Good. To say the least.

Sure, Sharon and Steve was canon in the comics, but they really didn't need to do it considering it's Peggy's family. Niece is certainly better than granddaughter, but not by much. And now we have Steve's ending where he went back to be with Peggy and do you see the issue now?

Besides this weird family situation, this is pretty much the only time we've seen her in major moments. Okay, she had her own badass moments in CA:WS and CA:CW, but it was constantly overshadowed her getting with Steve, so she ended up just becoming "Peggy's grand-niece that made out with her future grand-uncle", which fuck that.

So if the leaks are true and she becomes a thing with Bucky, not only does this make her have yet another love interest (a woman being in love is not a bad thing - it's just that we only have maybe five major mcu women not in a relationship while we somehow had Black Widow get with Bruce Banner, so we're a little tired of this trope), but this still connects her with Steve (and visa versa). Same goes for Sam.

So even though I'm looking forward to seeing her join the SamBucky duo, I want her to just hold the braincell.

Now onto Bucky.

Okay, maybe I just hate ananormativity (how the fuck do you spell that word).

Basically, while I hope Bucky doesn't immediately have a girlfriend at the end of the series cause this is a severely traumatized man who doesn't need a relationship at this very moment and I'm getting very tired very quickly of the forced dating on this poor guy cause it implies that romantic love will make you better, I do want him to experience happiness that isn't connection with Steve.

A large part of Bucky's character has centered around Steve, and this is a good and bad thing. Unfortunately Endgame happened, and maybe that'll get a retcon where we actually see the two interact, but for now Bucky is in a world without his only best friend that truly knew him. We've seen him in therapy, we've seen him ignoring Sam's obviously good-natured texts - he's still hung up on Steve and nervous to be navigating this world as his semi-old self. Having him not connected to a part of Steve's past will be incredibly self-healing, showing him grow and become his own person without relying on someone who knew him as his old self.

Now then, those are my cases on why Sharon doesn't need to be with either men and why Bucky doesn't need to be with her (you can still have your OT3 or SamBucky fanfics, but this is just my purely analytical approach). But don't worry, I hear you all saying, "BUT WHAT ABOUT LEAH OR SARAH, AREN'T THEY THE SAME AS SHARON?"

1) I'm not saying I want them to also be the "love interest", of course I want side characters to have their own character dynamics outside of the main cast cause I love women (platonically and romantically 😘)

2) sorry to be a debbie downer, but it's most likely we won't see Leah after this, or she'll come up again at the end to congratulate Bucky or something (that's how most "guy who's inexperienced at dating goes on first date in a long time" plots go).

2) Literally what would be funnier than Bucky becoming Sam's in-law. Mic drop.

It's just kinda sad that this is becoming a sexist and racist argument, saying things like "y'all just don't wanna see Bucky be happy" or "you don't wanna see an interracial relationship". Not saying it's not true, but it's become such an annoying discourse that completely undermines the show and what we're all excited for.

So anyways, that's my rant on why I wanna see Sam calling Bucky "Uncle Buck" with gritted teeth with Sharon and her new girlfriend Leah egging it on.

#mcu #marvel #thoughts #the falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws spoilers #tfatws #bucky barnes #sharon carter #sarah wilson #sam wilson

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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Fandom racism anon here and yeah absolutely (I didn't realise I had anon on lol)

Because while LOTR has problems within its themes (ie the orcs can be seen as to be coded as people of colour, especially since they ride elephants) the explicit message of the book is evil bad

Because the only people who work for sauron are evil. There are no morally grey people, they aren't misguided or tricked they just are evil and want to take over the world

And yeah I totally agree that this is more of a literal take on like empirical war (is that the word) and that makes total sense considering Tolkiens history

Whereas I would say that the allegories in shaowhunters is way more based on racial conflict within a country itself especially slavery, I can't remember if this is show Canon but is it that they have the warlock tropheys? I remember that in the books magnus talks about shadowhunters hanging warlock marks on their walls? (sorry to bring the books up)

Idk it's very hollow to me, unlike with LOTR though it's a different allegory it's totally irritating to show many of these supremecists as morally misled. LOTR says bad guys are bad guys, shadowhunters says well yeah they did follow a guy which thinks that downworlders are subhuman and should be eradicated but they just made a mistake

I want to compare this to tfatws which while it isn't really fantasy I just feel like it shows how the priorities of the writer can impact the message of the show so powerfully (I know u aren't up to date so I'm gonna be pretty vague)

There's a scene in tfatws where the new white perfect captain America does something bad and doesn't pay for the consequences - done to comment on white privelege and how America condones white supremacy and how Sam is in comparison to that

Mayrse and Robert revealed to be part of the circle! And paid no consequences Shock horror my parents were the bad guys (even rho they were either implicitly or explicitly extremely racist the entire time) also I haven't finished the seires but do the lightwoods ever try to get their parents to face the consequences?)

Only one actual really critiques the situation and the reality behind it whereas the other one is just to centre the white characters once again and present them in a further sympathetic light

AND ANOTHER THING! I was mostly talking about show Canon here and I'm sorry to bring up the books but I literally can't believe I hadn't picked up in this before.

So like downworlders = people of colour, Simon is a vampire so is coded as a person of colour. However in the books in the last one he stops being a vampire and becomes a shadowhunters instead, coincidentally that's also when he starts dating Izzy HOW IS THIS ABLE TO HAPPEN!!????

I mean I know cassandra clare is lazy right? The original seires is by far the worst of all her writings but come ON!!!!! By the allegory has he become the white man!????? These books made no fuckin sense when I read them at 15 and they make no sense now I'm digressing anyways

I don't know man I wrote this ask because I was trying to find some fantasy book recommendations on booktube and SO MANY of them were about slavery or general ly extrême préjudice with à White protagonist to save this 'poor souls'.

Also I was watching guardians of the galexy the other day and realised nearly every movie set in space is just bigger stakes imperialism - planets instead of countries. Literally star wars, star trek, guardians of the galexy 2, avengers infinity war - all are facing genocidal imperialistic villains without actually paying much, if any attention to those effected

Just writing this ask made me exhausted I'm so tired of lazy writing and exploiting other people's struggle. I'm white and I'm trying to be more critical about the movies, shows and books I watch and read but let me know if I said something off here❤️❤️ you gotta get up to date with tfatws man, Sambucky nation is THRIVING!!!!

i'm not sure i agree that the whole "the evil people are evil" thing is a good thing, because i feel like more often than not making the bad characters just like... unidimensionally evil just means that the reader will be like "lol i could NEVER be that guy" and when it comes to racism that is a dangerous road to take because white people already believe that racism is something that Only The Most Evil People, Ergo, Not Me, Can Do, which makes discussions of stuff like subconscious racial bias and active antiracist work become more difficult because people don't believe they CAN be racist unless they're like, Lord Voldemort

which is not to say that racism should be treated as morally ambiguous, just that the workings of racism should be represented as something that is not done only by the Most Hardcore And Evil, but rather as a part of a system of oppression that affects the way everyone sees the world and interacts with it and lives in it

yes the warlock trophies are mentioned in the show, albeit very quickly (there is a circle member who tells magnus that his cat eyes will make "a nice addition to his collection" and then it's never mentioned again because this is sh and we love using racism for shock value but then not actually treating it as a serious plot point or something that affects oppressed ppl). and you are absolutely right, shadowhunters (and hp, and most fantasy books) has genocide as its core conflict and treats it, like you said, in a very hollow way, treating racism as both not a big deal and not something that is part of a system of oppression, but really the actions of a few Very Bad People. it's almost impressive how they manage to do both at the same time tbh

i think you hit the nail right on the head with this comment, actually. for most of these works, racism is SHOCK VALUE. it's just like "lol isn't it bad that this bad guy wants to kill a gazillion people just because they are muggles? now that is fucked up" but it's not actually an issue. in fact, when this guy is defeated, the whole problem is over! racism is not something that is embedded into that world, it's not a systemic issue, it's not even actually part of what drives the plot. the things that led to this person not only existing but rising to power and gathering enough followers to be a real threat to the whole world are never mentioned. it's like racists are born out of thin air, which is dangerously close to implying that racism is just a natural part of life, tbh

anyway my point is, it is never supposed to be questioned, it is never part of a deeper plot or story, its implications are barely addressed except for a few fleeting comments them and there; so, it's not a critique, it's shock value, even though it is frequently disguised as a critique (which is always empty and shallow anyway. like what is the REAL critique in works like hp or sh/tsc other than "genocide is bad"? wow such a groundbreaking take evelyn)

about simon and the book thing: i actually knew about this and the weird thing about this is that, like... simon is jewish, and he's implied to be ashkenazi (calls his grandma bubbe which is yiddish, which is a language spoken by the ashkenazi ppl), and it seems like cc is always toeing the line between him being accepted by shadowhunters and then not accepted by them, which sounds a lot like antisemitic tropes and history of swinging between (ashkenazi) jewish ppl being seen as the model minority myth and thus used as an example by white christians, and being hated and persecuted. i'm not super qualified to talk about this since i'm not jewish and i'm still learning about/unlearning antisemitism and its tropes, and i don't really have a fully formed thought on that, tbh; it just reminds me of the whole "model minority" swinging, where one second simon is part of the majority, the other he's not, but always he is supposed to give up a part of himself and his identity in other to be "assimilated" by shadowhunter culture. this article (link) covers a book on jewish people and assimilationism into USan culture, this article (link) covers british jews' relationship with being considered an ethnic group, and this article (link) talks a bit about the model minority myth from the perspective of an asian jewish woman

it just really calls to my attention that cc chose to make her ashkenazi jewish character start off as a downworlder and then become a shadowhunter. i don't think she made that decision as a conscious nod to this history, because it would require being informed on antisemitism lol but it's incredible how you can always see bigoted stereotypes shining through her narrative choices completely by accident. it just really shows how ingrained it is in our collective minds and culture

and anyway, making a character go from the oppressed group to just suddenly become the oppressor is just. wtf. not how oppression works, but most of all, really disrespectful, especially because she clearly treats it as an "upgrade"/"glowup" that earns him the Love Of His Life

also, out of curiosity, are you french? it seems like your autocorrect changed a few words and i'm pretty sure extrême and préjudice are the french versions of these words, and since u said ur white, that's where my money would be lol

#anti cc #anti tsc #anti tmi #anti sh #racism tw #antisemitism tw #reference #ask #residenthottiesamwilson

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meggtheegg · 3 years

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Bucky

bucky my beloved 🥺

favorite thing about them

honestly, just how truly good he is. there's a lot of talk about the incorruptible pure pureness that is steve rogers, but bucky has been dealt the shittiest hand, like honestly he's endured several supervillains worth of origin stories and yet, he doesn't for a moment consider going in that direction. you could say he chooses to be good in spite of it all, but i don't think it's even a choice, because he doesn't consider anything else to be an option. it's just who he is, and it's something that, in order to temporarily change, hydra had to take him and his free will out of the equation, entirely, and even then, he managed to break free and fight back. he always rolls with the punches and then gets up and keeps going, and i feel like that part of his characterization is often overlooked between all the angst/tragedy and the shadows of steve and sam, who just happen to be two of the most overtly good characters in the mcu, if not in modern media. but there's a reason that both of them end up with bucky as their best friend. the guy may have gotten grumpy in his old age, but that core goodness is still there, and it's very telling that all of the villains in tfatws jump directly to appealing to that goodness, rather than the seemingly obvious (to an outsider) decision to use his past against him. (i know karli references it, but when it comes to direct action, her instinct is to "give him someone to rescue")

least favorite thing about them

this is less about him as a character and more about the way he's used, but i feel like the movies, especially since civil war, have used him almost entirely as motivation for steve, rather than a character in his own right. even after tfatws, it feels like there is so much that's gone unexplored, even though his story is, in my opinion, one of the most interesting in the entire mcu. tfatws was, ultimately, sam's story, and i wouldn't want that any other way, but i'm still waiting for something to give us character development and a plotline for bucky that doesn't happen 1: offscreen or 2: in the shadow of another character's arc.

favorite line

it would be very easy to go with either "who the hell is bucky?" or "i'm with you to the end of the line, pal," but those are very predictable, so probably:

Sam: Why didn’t you use the metal arm? Bucky: Well… I don’t always think of it immediately. I’m...right-handed...

i know it's a really simple line that doesn't carry a ton of weight, but it perfectly encapsulates who bucky is. his existence as an enhanced super-soldier isn't really at the front of his mind, because he didn't choose to be that way. when he's allowed to just relax and exist, he does so as a normal guy, and he still jumps to using his dominant hand when it comes to fixing the boat, because of course he does

brOTP

i would honestly love to see him building a friendship/sibling-relationship with wanda. i could just see them so easily sliding into those roles, him stepping in for the brother she lost and her taking the place of the sisters that lived and died while he was hydra's prisoner. both of them have been through so much trauma, both of them have relied on steve to deal with that trauma, at some point or another, and both are grappling with how much of themselves they still are, in the wake of gaining powers they didn't necessarily ask for similarly, marvel, please let this man become a mentor to peter parker instead of dr. strange. peter needs someone who can relate to him, not just another tony stark, and who better than another naïve kid from new york who got dragged into a fight way bigger than himself and is now dealing with overwhelming, crushing guilt and responsibility that he's too good to neglect but that he never asked for, in a world where most superheroes had the privilege of choosing to become that way??? like honestly it's such an obvious match, and with bucky's history with tony and howard, he could give peter some much-needed insight, while peter could give him equally-needed closure.

OTP

never did i expect to want sambucky to be a thing, but i desperately want it to be a thing. it just feels right?? like he fits so naturally into the wilson family, and while i'd be happy to see him with sarah, he and sam have such natural chemistry and pairing two natural caretakers together would mean lots of support for two characters who desperately need it. also, he just...looks at sam with such love in his eyes that my mom thought they were going to become a couple, and she is very much in the "two men should be allowed to just be friends" camp.

nOTP

bucky/tony. hate it. hate it so much. burn it with fire. these men do not like each other and their one meaningful interaction has been one repeatedly trying to...blast the other's head off. it's a nope from me.

random headcanon

honestly this is borderline canon, but this man is a nerd. he is a geek. a dork, if you will. he spent his childhood with his nose in a book, and would have gone to college (and a good one, too) to study some difficult subject and make a name for himself in some intellectual field, if steve's mom hadn't passed away that year. he was stuck with the opposite of steve's problem; rather than wanting to fight and physically being unable to, bucky was in peak physical condition and therefore expected to be tough and aggressive, when he'd much rather just use his head to get out of tough situations

unpopular opinion

while stucky sort of plays out like a grand romance and some of the fanfics are basically masterpieces, i'm really glad it didn't go canon and am honestly,,,,kind of glad for bucky's sake that steve is out of the picture??? bc as much as i love him, their relationship, especially towards the end, had a pretty serious power imbalance that was never really addressed. bucky would have let himself disappear in order to do whatever steve needed him to, basing his entire self-image and level of self-worth on steve's feelings about him. he and sam (whether their relationship is platonic or romantic) are much more like equals, and honestly more like pre-war bucky and steve, willing to poke fun at each other and have disagreements, because they deeply respect each other as full people, not idealized versions of someone who doesn't exist anymore. meanwhile, post ws bucky and steve often ranged anywhere from a hero/sidekick dynamic to a hero/damsel-in-distress one, and neither are particularly healthy for very long, no matter how much they love each other.

song i associate with them

known and loved - blue light bandits, joel ansett

favorite picture of them

nothing beats Cool Uncle BuckyTM

#long post

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asgardianthot · 4 years

Text

Hunting Season (sambucky) - Part 4

Series Masterlist

A/N: ello :) I hope you’re all safe and sound, and I hope you’re surviving quarantine. Here’s an angsty update for you to enjoy!

Words: 3329

Day 3.

The morning had prepared for the happy couple an hour of kayaking. Bucky got his tired ass to the lake with the least amount of motivation possible, for he had spent a sore night. The idea of Brock Rumlow spending the night in that house had his bones rattling. Sam, on his part, couldn’t blame him; Brock only stayed there when the two were an item, so the fact that he was tagging along indefinitely had ‘ill intentioned’ written all over it. Bucky’s theory was that Brock probably thought he was gonna crash the lunch party and win him over again, stay the night at their old bed instead of a small guest room downstairs.

On the bright side of matters, Sam and Bucky were still the only ones to have a hunting clue. The envelope that had fallen out of the Viktor Frankl book had a hand-written note, specifically placed there by Nana. It read as following: If you found this clue, congratulations, you have a brain. Frankl was more than just a man in search for meaning: he was a neurologist and a psychiatrist, as well as a philosopher. It’s not hard to guess why my husband was obsessed with him. Now find out more about the author and try to guess what else he and Theodore had in common. You’ll know where to look.

Those words meant absolutely nothing to Sam, but it made some sense to Bucky. All they had to do was research about the author of the book and find a connection, for now. The rest would be a problem for later.

Right now, meaning at that very exact moment, Sam’s problem was kayaking.

“Okay, so what now?” he asked Bucky, holding the paddles like they were going to hurt him.

The second the word ‘kayak’ had been brought up when discussing future activities, Sam knew he would make a fool out of himself, for it was something he had never done, while the rest of the guests had been practicing every summer since they bought the damn house. Still, he put on his swimsuit and showed up. For Bucky. They were the ones closest to the lakeside, as Bucky was still teaching Sam, meanwhile the other Barnes were already paddling away or messing around in circles, as they prepared for a race.

“Now, you kayak.” Bucky replied simply, which earned a death glance from Sam.

He was already having enough trouble adjusting to the new sport, which left him with little to no patience. Fortunately, Bucky pitied him and laughed as he moved to the front seat, agreeing to help.

“Okay, wait,” he grunted as he struggled to accommodate behind Sam, “let me help you.”

Sam felt the warm pressure of Bucky’s chest against his back without any type of warning, and flinched a little. He could feel the drops of water that hadn’t dried out in Bucky’s skin stick to his own, and it sent shivers down his spine. He decided to believe the shivers were caused by the startling feeling of water droplets.

“You’re holding it wrong.” James explained as he took the paddles from Sam’s hand.

Wilson rolled his eyes, “Of course I am.”

“Someone’s cranky.” Bucky remarked, “Didn’t sleep well?”

Sam thought hard about that one. As a matter of fact, he had woken up plenty of times during the night, only to find Bucky struggling to catch his own sleep next to him. The situation was weird as it was, so Sam pretended to miss it.

“You kick your feet a lot.” Sam lied.

“There’s always the divan.” Bucky reminded him.

“Will you shut up about the damn divan? No one should sleep in anything called like that.”

However, the ridiculous discussion came to an end when Bucky managed to get Sam to paddle correctly.

“That’s about the hang of it.” he congratulated him before turning his body and dropping it into the water.

The water barely reached his chest, so he stood there in waits for Sam who accomplished his goal of successfully kayaking away.

“Now come back to me.” Bucky instructed his apprentice, “Turn.”

Watching him swirl the canoe so concentrated, Bucky couldn’t help but find him slightly adorable. Perhaps it was because he hadn’t seen Sam learn something like that before, but it definitely was a good look on him. A smile creeped up his face, however, it didn’t last long. Soon enough, his ears picked up on a conversation behind him. He saw that uncle Milo was talking to Brock, and he only then figured they probably had been the entire time, which made him feel observed and, most of all, uncomfortable. Bucky was so distracted by the interaction that he almost didn’t see Sam returning to him, but he noticed right on time to stop the tip of the kayak before it hit him.

He shook it off by shooting a smile in Nana’s direction.

“Sure you don’t wanna hop in the water, Nana?” he messed with the woman who looked over everyone from her chair.

“I want another drink, sweetheart.” She messed with him back.

Bucky winked at her and returned his attention to the fake boyfriend, who seemed a lot more comfortable with the sport. They most likely wouldn’t win the race, but at least Sam wouldn’t feel bad for sucking at it.

“You know what?” Nana’s voice was loud and clear this time, which got everyone’s attention, “First one to get me a drink gets a clue."

The bold statement was followed by hesitant glances. Most of the family exchanged weird looks, none of them sure of how to proceed.

"Is she for real?" Bucky said, frowning.

Then, cousin Colin jumped to the water from where he was paddling, and started swimming towards land. Rebecca went second. Bucky and Sam were quick to notice how they were the ones closest to the lakeside, which didn’t make it seem like Nana was unbiased. If anything, it made the couple look like the favorites. Alas, Bucky and Sam climbed onto land fast, hearing people rush across the water behind them, until they heard a scream.

As they both turned towards the noise, they saw Rebecca slapping her hand around, swallowing water, and barely managing to yell the word ‘cramp’.

Bucky dove back on the water to save her. Literally. As Sam awaited kneeling on the shore, he couldn’t help but notice nobody else went to help. As usual, Bucky was Rebecca’s knight in shining armor.

"Rebecca, are you ok?" Winnifred barely asked above her usual tone to be heard.

The siblings were too busy trying to stay afloat –Bucky dragging her to land and Rebecca coughing her lungs out– to answer, so the mother insisted.

"Rebecca?"

Luckily, Sam cut in to get the unhelpful and mediocre concern away from the scene, "She- she's fine! We got this!" he assured the woman.

Once the siblings reached the wooden shore, Sam pulled Rebecca up by her arms while Bucky climbed up, panting. The young woman held her leg in pain.

Right on time, Brock approached them to save the day.

He extended his hand towards Rebecca, "Here, let me-"

"Get the fuck away from us!" James shot him an aggressive warning while placing a hand on Rebecca's back, not dignifying the man with eye contact.

Rumlow raised his hands in defense, "Just tryna’ help, Jamie."

The snap in Bucky’s brain might as well have been hearable. He was so done with the hovering figure he used to call his partner, everything in his head went red with fury. He looked up at him with such rage, Sam anticipated his outburst even before it happened.

"Shut up, Brock, shut up!” He yelled directly at him, microscopic bits of spit being thrown in Brock’s direction, and followed by a uncomfortable, still silence, which Bucky couldn’t stand either, “Are you deaf or are you a fucking idiot? I said leave!"

Rumlow accepted the offense and shook his head, putting on a disappointed façade.

"You're insane." He informed Bucky before turning on his heels.

As the man walked back inside the house, the spectators of the show remained silent. All that could be heard was Bucky’s heavy breathing, until Rebecca spoke.

"Way to go, brother." She whispered, which was only heard by Sam and Bucky.

Bucky’s expression revealed how shocked he was at his own courage to pull off such a stunt.

"That felt so good." He admitted, drawing a big proud smile on Sam’s face.

The outburst that morning, no matter how fulfilling, had taken a toll on Bucky. The rest of the day, it was all he could think about, and therefore, it naturally got the paranoid spinning wheel in his brain running at full speed. Cousin Colin, after the lake scene, was the only person insensitive enough to actually go through with Nana’s demand; the man had brought his grandmother a nice summer drink from the kitchen, which the lady received with a roll of her eyes. Unfortunately, she had promised the deliverer a clue, so she reluctantly kept her word and gave him the help in private.

It didn’t necessarily worry Bucky nor Sam, because the couple still felt they were winning so far. They had found the first clue by themselves, no help needed, so the best Colin could do was keep up with them before they got the advantage again.

No, what had them both worried was this cocktail gathering after dinner, right now. It was too early for anyone to be tired enough to go to bed, but it was late enough for people to start making bad decisions. That had been Bucky’s case. Drink after drink, worry after worry, the liquor had found its way into Bucky’s system long ago. In fact, he was sitting down, resigned to his sorrow, with a glass of champaign in hand.

He was wasted, and Sam could tell. While Bucky played around with the almost emptied glass, Sam’s chest felt heavy.

"He's watching." Bucky suddenly said, his enunciation already affected by the booze.

His eyes were fixated somewhere in the room, over Sam’s shoulder. The latter didn’t need to turn around to know who he meant.

"Don't pay attention to him." He shrugged it off.

"He used to do that,” Bucky, however, acted as if Sam hadn’t even spoken, “when he didn't approve of something."

"Hey.” Sam called, demanding his attention, “Hey, look at me. I'm here with you, okay? Not him."

As much as Bucky wanted to lean into those words, embrace the support and such, he knew it wasn’t truly real. Sam was there to help him out of pity, or so he thought. He used to love imagining having a boyfriend who would take away the pain, wipe away the tears caused by Brock. He used to like that image, but sometime in the horrible long-lasting relationship, he just didn’t think it possible. Anyone loving him after Brock? Anyone putting up with that baggage, with the lurking ex-boyfriend watching them at all times?

It simply wouldn’t happen. It’s why he wasn’t there with an actual boyfriend. It’s why he had to play-pretend with Sam. In his head, there was no place for anyone to love him. Not after he’d been chewed on by Rumlow and spat out a hundred times.

"But you're not.” Bucky sad dryly, almost insulting, “Not really. I'll never get the real thing."

Sam’s brain had a hard time with that one confession. Did Bucky mean that getting his friend to play fake boo was the closest he'd ever get to a boyfriend from now on? Or as he implying a world where Sam could have become the real deal? His confusion left him almost speechless.

"And why is that?" he managed to ask with a heavy heart.

Bucky was too quick in answering Sam’s doubts, "Cause I'm messed up. 'Cause of him."

That being declared, James stood up from the table, leaving his company sitting there by himself, rudely. Sam watched him get to the bar, which consisted of a few tables set up for drink service, attended by one of Nana’s kitchen employees. It did the trick in looking fancy enough for an improvised bar, and still, Bucky managed to look fairly pathetic, leaning on the table and ordering yet another hard liquor.

For the next half hour, Sam brought himself to chat and interact with the Barnes, but mostly, he was checking up on Bucky every other minute. Fortunately so, since it allowed him to spot Rumlow as he approached the drunk figure. Wilson excused himself and headed straight for the bar, and was noticed by the man who looked, as usual, like he was up to no good.

"Samuel, we were just talking about you." Brock greeted him cynically.

"Leave him alone." Sam said, not messing around.

Bucky’s eyes were fixated on his drink, avoiding exchanging gazes with his ex, no matter how hard Brock tried to catch his attention.

"I don't think anyone should leave him alone like this." Rumlow cocked a brow, giving off the most pedantic posture yet.

As much as Sam didn’t wish to sound just as condescending as the ex-boyfriend, he needed him to back off. So he stood his ground, planting himself in front of Bucky, and raised his chin.

"Oh, goodie, that's what I'm here for." He clarified with a taunting tone.

All of a sudden, Bucky decided to stand his ground as well. Unhappy with the exchange of words about his state, he got himself in front of Sam, stumbling a bit.

"I don't- don't need anyone to look after me." He managed to croak out, frowning.

After he delivered the words, he propped himself on the table unsteadily, causing Sam to gesture catching him, but Bucky seemed to be partially alright on his own. Brock, on his part, gave him a deeply disappointed look. Suddenly, Sam understood so much; the paternalistic vibe he gave off, like you’re nothing for yourself and are in desperate need of his aid. The way Rumlow judged people could get anyone to doubt themselves. Luckily, Sam wasn’t giving in.

Brock extended his hand to the more-than-tipsy man, "Come on." He said, more a demand than an offer.

The response was even more abrupt than that morning by the lake. In sight of his hand so near him, Bucky’s paranoia crippled through his bones, provoking a different kind of outburst.

"Don't touch me, you fucking maniac!" he yelled, taking a step back.

Sam’s skin crawled. During the tense silence that followed, he felt eyes staring at them three. Brock, however, didn’t seem nearly as shocked, but instead acted like this was just typical Bucky. He did seem embarrassed, though, being the victim of the scandal for the second time that day.

"Let's go." Sam pleaded, not daring to touch Bucky in a jumpy state like that.

That was Rebecca’s cue for approaching the lot, allured by the fuzz.

"What's going on?" she demanded an explanation in a low, but harsh tone.

"Nothing.” Rumlow spoke before anyone else got the change, “He's making a scene, as usual."

Rebecca shot him a threatening glance, to which he simply rolled his eyes and abandoned the bar area. Sam took his place in order to check up on Bucky’s face, and found his eyes beginning to water. He was frozen in place, eye sockets reddened by the drunkenness and lips caught between his teeth.

"James, get it together.” Rebecca whispered, “Everyone's staring."

Although Sam was expecting more comfort from the man’s sister, whom just so happened to be scolding him for no reason, he kept his quiet this time. The two sober characters dragged Bucky’s body to the nearest chair and forced him to sit down, which only attracted more attention towards him, but that way he could remain still and far from tumbling scandals.

"Get him some coffee before he embarrasses himself even more." Rebecca told Sam, sternly.

As she kneeled sat next to her brother in order to pretend normality, Sam just gave her a look of disbelief. He didn’t think she could act so heartlessly before.

"You're a real sweetheart, you know that?" he threw her a sarcasm dagger, refusing to move.

"Believe it or not, I'm helping him.” She spat, looking around frantically in hopes no one was judging them, “Coffee, Samuel, please."

Sam took one last good look at Bucky before obeying the very persuasive sister. The drunken mess was avoiding all sorts of eye contact, and was almost pouting like a child. Wilson didn’t have much else to do but get himself to the kitchen, although reluctantly. At that moment, he hated everything; every person and light were getting under his skin, and even the sound of glasses clinking together pissed him off. Right before he reached the kitchen, the sound turned muffled, abandoned far away, and there was a sense of peace. Silence. And breaking through that silence, there was a sharp voice.

“I’m telling you, this is our chance.” The voice echoed from inside the kitchen.

It was unmistakably Rumlow’s. Of fucking course. The man was a goddamn ghost lurking around every room of the massive house. Sam was determined on turning back, until he heard another voice responding.

“Give me a few days-“

“I don’t have days to give you.”

It sounded like an altercation that had just recently began, right before it could get too heated.

“Is your lawyer not your personal bitch this time?” the other man accused Brock, “You not screwing him, too?”

“You want the money, right?”

The inciting question was followed by a tense pause. Therefore, Sam seized his chance and walked into the kitchen, hopefully being able to pretend he hadn’t heard any of it. He recognized the other man as uncle Milo, when the two angry men straightened themselves too quickly, in an attempt to dismiss their previous altercation.

Sam gave them an uninterested glance, “Am I interrupting?” he asked nonchalantly.

“What can we do for you, Samuel?” uncle Milo raised his voice with false friendliness.

“I’m just gonna make some coffee.” He replied, waltzing towards the busier side of the kitchen, further away from them.

Before he could even get a hold of the coffee maker, Rumlow’s forceful interruption made Sam stop in his tracks.

“Nicole can take care of that for you, right darling?” he called for the maid in a patronizing tone, “She’ll even pour it for you and everything.”

Sam glanced at the woman who was still putting the dishes away when it definitely was the end of her shift. It wasn’t just about Rumlow’s treatment of the staff, it was everything, from the way he put Sam in an uncomfortable situation, to the smirk on his face while doing so.

“No thank you, I got it.” Sam told the working lady.

“Actually, she’s got it,” Brock insisted, this time much more taunting, “that’s her job.”

Sam found himself cornered, and resigned, although not without showing his discontent. He pinched the bridge of his nose and agreed tiredly.

“Fine, uh… Can you just take it up to James’ room when you get the chance?” He forced a smile in Nicole’s direction, whom nodded politely, “Thank you.”

When he was leaving to return to Bucky, Sam took a turn on his heels at the last minute. His blood still boiling, he gave the two plotting men a small but clearly exaggerated reverence.

“Goodnight, Mr. Barnes.” He let uncle Milo know his anger wasn’t directed towards him, then spoke directly to Rumlow, “Fuck you, Brock.”

“Classy.” The appellee complained.

“You’re right.” He lied, then turned to the maid one more time, “Nicole, my apologies for such rudeness. On behalf of Mr. Rumlow, of course. I guess money can’t buy decency.”

After addressing that last insult to the obnoxious man, Wilson headed back to the cocktail gathering in order to retrieve his drunk friend.

#sam wilson/bucky barnes #sambucky fanfiction #sam x bucky #sambucky #fake dating au #sambucky au #sam/bucky #sam wilson x bucky barnes

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margarethx · 3 years

Text

I don’t know why so many people assume that popularity of a ship or a character has anything to do with their quality. Or that “being more popular” automatically makes a fictional couple/person better than others. Like... sure. Some things get more recognizable and loved, because they’re just that good. But very often the number of fans has absolutely nothing to do with: “how interesting this character is?” or “how great is the chemistry between these two people?”. Sometimes things just... are popular.

That’s why I don’t understand it when other people try to criticize Sambucky for having a smaller fandom and acting like no one cares about them, because there are some different ships with more fans. Of course there are. Obviously. But these other ships were going to win this nonexistent competition from the start. We all understand why Sambucky doesn’t have more fans, more stories on Ao3, more art. (If you say you don’t know “why”, you’re either: very young, very dumb, or straight up lying.) And it has nothing to do with how much potential their relationship has.

Sambucky is not some new ship that came out ouf nowhere in March 2021, but no one thought about them before, because they were not interesting enough to get the attention. People liked them way before tfatws started. It’s been gaining fans and momentum since 2014 (looking from the MCU perspective), just more slowly, since not everyone is capable of seeing them together.

Because it doesn’t matter how dramatic yet hilarious their first meeting is from the perspective of their show. Or how thrilling it is that Sam was looking for Bucky for almost two years. Or how they jumped into joking, teasing, and protecting each other in Civil War even though they only just started fighting on the same side. Or how they are constantly put in the same scenes even when there is no reason for it. It doesn’t matter how much they touch each other, look at each other, care for each other. Or how close they are compared to many other, more loved duos in the MCU. Or how great the chemistry is between both actors and their characters. Or how multiple people involved in production said that what they have is definitely “love” (no matter how you define it).

Many people will still look at all that and don’t even consider them a possibity. And say that they are more like brothers/besties. And that Sam is obviously straight. Or that Sam is not that interesting. And that “we cannot ignore the importance of platonic male friendships” as if the whole MCU hasn’t been built at that exact type of a relationship. Sam and Bucky could literally kiss on screen and confess their love and many fans would still complain that they would prefer Bucky to be with someone else. Or that it was forced and didn’t feel natural, so they still won’t ship them after all.

People who actually like Sambucky already know all of that. They’ve known for years. It’s everyone else that pretends like “Sam and Bucky don’t have a big fandom, because they are not an interesting couple and fans just don’t see that kind of relationship for them, sorry”.

And finally...

Would I want to see the Sambucky and Sam Wilson tags filled with more beautiful art and interesting stories? Sure. Of course. But do I want Sambucky to have more fans just to be a better competition for more popular ships? No. What would be the point of that? So I can brag about it in debates with some morons on Twitter? “Well, my ship has more fans than yours, so I’m cooler and I win?” That’d be so dumb ;-; Even if many people really act like that’s a valid argument to make.

Also... Bigger fandoms don’t necessarily mean “better content” or “nicer people”. From what I’ve seen they’re just the same as smaller ones (in some cases) or just so much worse (in most cases). Because larger groups of people statistically attract more weirdos and bigots. Or more children - who may have good intentions, but can still act badly, because they’re too young to fully understand what they’re doing and saying.

Naturally, at the end of the day I want to see more fans realizing how good Sam and Bucky’s relationship is and enjoying it just as I do, but that’s it. I don’t want to have my favourite ship winning the first place in some popularity contest that other people made up in their minds, just to later share the fandom with a bunch of assholes who harass people for liking some less popular couples. I have different priorities.

#sam wilson #samuel thomas wilson #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #captain america #captain america sam wilson #the falcon #white wolf #winter soldier #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #sambucky #sam x bucky #winterfalcon #mcu #marvel

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wikiangela-fanfics · 3 years

Text

"How long will you stay?" - Sambucky

Part 3 to "You should smile more"

This took a looong while to write lmao

And it turned into a fucking long fic too hahaha (8k words, wow)

Idk, I actually like this one 😊

and again, thank you SO SO SO much to @tasteslikestrawbebbies for beta-reading ♥♥♥ really wouldn't be able to post it without you haha

Ao3

Part 1, Part 2

Enjoy ♥

***

Soon, they went out and Sam was relieved to not be alone with Bucky.. He still wanted him as close as possible, and he might have been walking way too close to him, their shoulders brushing. He desperately wanted to kiss Bucky, too. He really felt like he was getting addicted to those lips after just three kisses. He needed it. Fortunately, they were around people, so he was able to stop himself. He wasn’t that far gone yet.

They took a stroll around the neighbourhood, and went to the docks, meeting people everywhere. Bucky turned on his charm and everyone seemed to take to him. It seemed so natural, but at the same time it was bizarre. Sam was amazed. He’s known Bucky for a few years now, and he would never imagine him being so… charismatic. He knew stories about young Sergeant Barnes, from before he became the Winter Soldier, he heard how Bucky used to be. But to actually see it, it was odd. But also really nice, to get to see and know this side of him. He looked so… at peace. Sam has never seen him like that before he came to visit. It seemed that his little town might just be the place for Bucky to settle in. Sam found that he would really like that.

So yeah, people were nice, as Sam had told Bucky they were, and no one cared about his past or his metal arm. All that mattered was that Bucky was polite and friendly, and so fucking charming. Sam couldn’t stop staring at him, and he was pretty sure there was a soft smile on his face, and he wouldn’t be surprised if his eyes turned into freaking hearts. And people were smiling at him as if they could see it, which, yeah, he didn’t even bother trying to hide it.

Other than introducing Bucky to the people they were meeting, he took Bucky all around the town. He showed him all the places he used to hang out at, all the places that had some history and stories Sam could tell Bucky… and Bucky seemed to really enjoy listening to him. Of course he wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t tease Sam the whole time, but Sam had a nice time with him.

With that and everyone stopping them for a short conversation, which sometimes lasted so long Sam had to make up excuses for why they really had to go, it was already early afternoon when they were on their way back. They were walking, because nothing was actually that far, and it’s not like they were in a hurry. Sam actually really enjoyed just being in Bucky’s company.

“So how do you like the town?” Sam asked, glancing over at Bucky. And again he was struck by how gorgeous that man was. His hair was a bit messy from the wind, he was looking ahead, so Sam could only see his side profile, the sun illuminating it, making his perfect face look even better, somehow. His expression was calm and almost blissful.

“It’s great.” Bucky smiled, looking briefly at Sam. “I really like it here.” he added almost shyly. Which was a new look on him. “The town is beautiful, the people are nice… and spending time with you isn’t the worst.” his voice was quieter now, as if he didn’t really want to admit that. Sam chuckled and purposefully bumped his shoulder into Bucky’s.

“Thanks. You’re not a horrible company either.” he responded, earning a beautiful grin from Bucky. And then he tripped and almost fell, which made him realize that he’s been staring at Bucky non-stop for the past couple of minutes. He cleared his throat, averting his gaze and looking back at the road ahead. He hoped Bucky didn’t see him almost tripping, but he wasn’t looking at him anymore so he wouldn’t know what his expression was. “So you like it here.” Sam repeated Bucky’s words. Buck hummed in confirmation. “Then, uh, how long do you think you’ll stay?” he dared a small sideways glance at him.

“I promised-” Bucky started, but Sam interrupted him.

“No, I know, I know. I just mean.” he sighed, cursing himself for starting the topic. “Let’s say I wouldn’t want you to go. Wouldn’t tell you to leave.” because he’d never do that. He wanted Bucky around as long as possible. “How long do you think you’d wanna stay?” he was looking at his feet now. He didn’t see Bucky, who was quiet, so he was worried about what the answer might be. And then he had a ridiculous thought - what if Bucky didn’t want to be there at all and came just because he promised? Which was just insane, he had just told Sam he liked to be there.

“As long as you want me here.” Bucky replied finally. Sam looked at him again. Bucky seemed and sounded confident in his words. He was still looking ahead, but there was a fond smile on his lips. “However long that might be.” he turned his head and their eyes met. Sam couldn’t contain the wide, happy smile that he felt tugging at his lips. Bucky’s smile widened as well in response. He reached out and squeezed Sam’s hand for a second before letting go and looking ahead again. They fell into a comfortable silence.

It was what Bucky said before. The same words. But Sam knew they had different implications here. Despite there being just two sentences, there was much more said between them at that moment. Sam believed he understood Bucky perfectly, and if not, well, then he was an idiot with way too high hopes. But from what he got out of it, he knew that Bucky wanted to stay. He wanted to be there, maybe permanently. In this town, in Sam’s life. He was happy here, that much Sam could see just by looking at Buck. And if Sam never told him to go, he would just stay. Forever. And Sam was down with that. He would love that. He wanted Bucky around for the rest of his life… and that thought was scary. And it led to: oh my God, I think I love him. Which was even scarier. They kissed three times, they were going on a date, Bucky was making jokes and innuendos about them having sex, and yet Sam still wasn’t sure where they stood. Because nothing with Bucky was easy, and it never would be. But he was alright with that. They needed to talk, but they would get to that. Maybe by then Sam would stop freaking out about the fact that he’s in love with James Bucky Barnes, the guy he had sworn he didn’t wanna see after the whole thing with Karli and the Flag Smashers was over. Separate long vacations. Yeah, right. Now he never wanted them to be apart again. How that happened, he had no idea, but here they were.

He looked at Bucky again and smiled. He didn’t need to know how it happened, even if it was the most insane thing that could’ve happened to him, and that includes all the robots and aliens they fought, and even being snapped out of existence for five years. All he needed was Bucky, and he was sure now that he would always be there.

“Gotta find something to do, though.” Bucky broke the silence after a while. “Can’t go around the town and do nothing every day.”

“We have time to figure it out.” Sam said without thinking.

"We, huh?" Bucky smirked, glancing at Sam. When their eyes met, his smirk turned into a wide grin. We could be understood as yeah, me too, can’t save the world every day, but he did not mean it in that way, not entirely. He meant me too, but also, we’ll figure it out together because you’re staying with me and I love you. And he knew Bucky got that, maybe without that last part, that was just… it was like once he thought about it and realized it, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was repeating in his head and he felt like a giddy, lovesick teenager. He got it bad.

“Shut up.” Sam rolled his eyes, shoving Bucky lightly. He couldn’t help but grin back. His hand itched to grab Bucky’s, but he didn’t think they were there yet. So he kept his hands to himself, changing the topic and conversing with Bucky for the rest of the way.

***

They ended up going to the docks again and hanging out with some people there, and helping with some stuff. Bucky even ended up lending a hand with moving some heavy things. While Sam watched with a huge grin on his face, because Bucky was beautiful, and when he was in a t-shirt, showing off his strength, picking up such weights easily as if it was nothing… that was doing it for Sam.

And he knew he was being really obvious, as he was getting knowing looks and smirks from people around him, who have known him forever, but he didn’t care. He meant it when he said that those people were always welcoming and accepting. It was his favorite place in the world. And it just got even better, with Bucky staying for an indefinite period of time. He just couldn’t help smiling at the thought. And it was on his mind a lot.

“You’re really gone on that boy, huh?” said Mrs. Harris, one of his neighbors, who was sitting next to him at the moment. There was a fond smile on her face. “You’ve been swooning over him since he came here the first time.” she observed, obviously having seen them together before, probably when they were working on the boat.

Sam just blushed and rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop smiling. Then he chuckled lightly. “Yeah, I think I am.” he said with a sigh. If Bucky’s super hearing could pick it up from where he was, Sam didn’t care. He would be glad, actually, because that meant he didn’t have to say it to Bucky’s face, at least for now.

They talked some more, then Bucky joined them, and they just sat there for a while, chatting and hearing all the neighbors tell Bucky stories about the town. But then it got late. And they had a date.

“C’mon, old man.” he said, clapping Bucky on the leg, as he was getting up. Bucky just looked at him in confusion. “We have a thing, remember?”

“Right.” a wide smile showed up on his face. “Well, we gotta go. It was nice talking to you all.” Bucky said, as he also got up, smiling charmingly at their company.

As they were walking back, Sam could feel Bucky staring at him. He wasn’t gonna comment on that this time, remembering how he was the one staring at Bucky before, which he obviously had to notice.

“What?” he asked finally, as they were getting close to the house. Sam wanted to get cleaned up after the day and maybe look kinda nice, even if they were just going to the local bar for drinks and something to eat.

“You sure you wanna go on a date with me?” Bucky asked, a bit shyly. Sam looked at him with a frown. “Tonight?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You don’t wanna go? ‘Cause we don’t have to.” he added quickly, not wanting to seem pushy. Though, to be fair, Bucky did agree. Making inappropriate jokes that made Sam’s brain stop working while he was at it.

“Of course I wanna.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “I just mean, we spent the whole day together. I would get it if you were fed up with me.” he chuckled.

“I’m always fed up with you.” was Sam’s automatic response. “I just… you might be the most annoying person I’ve ever met, and yet I still wanna hang out with you.” he shrugged. Bucky just hummed in acknowledgment. “But we can just stay at home and watch a movie or something. If you want.” he added, thinking that maybe Bucky just didn’t wanna go out, since he clearly stated that he did want to go on a date. Which still sounded ridiculous. Sam and Bucky going on a date. Insane. But then again, so was them kissing and Sam being in love with Bucky.

“Sam.” he didn’t have to look to know that Bucky rolled his eyes. “I wanna do whatever you wanna do.” that was interesting, because Bucky explicitly said that they’re not gonna do what Sam wants to do tonight, not on the first date or whatever. But Sam wasn’t about to say that, he didn’t want to seem desperate. Although he had a feeling Bucky might know what he was thinking anyway. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything either, but there was a smirk on his face, when Sam glanced at him.

“Then we’re gonna go for a drink.” Sam decided. He was surprised to find that he was actually looking forward to that. To have some sense of normalcy after all he’s been through the last couple of years. Of course by normalcy he meant going out for drinks with a person he was attracted to and had feelings for. That person being Bucky was still a huge shock, but who was he to question it? The heart wants what it wants. And his traitorous heart apparently wanted Bucky.

“Okay.” Bucky said, bumping his shoulder into Sam’s. While doing that, the back of his hand touched Sam’s and he has never wanted to hold someone’s hand more. But before he could make up his mind on whether to go for it, they got to the house and Bucky went to take a shower after the day of walking everywhere and then helping out at the docks.

***

Around an hour later they were at the bar. They ordered their drinks and food and… they were sitting there in silence, opposite each other. But it wasn’t weird or uncomfortable, it never was between them. And before Sam realized it, they were having a staring contest, initiated by Bucky, who had an amused smirk on his face. Like always, Sam could not win with the master of staring, especially when the waitress brought them the drinks and snapped him out of it. He shook his head, chuckling.

“You’re impossible.” he said, but couldn’t contain a small, fond smile. Bucky just shrugged and took a sip of his drink. “Can I ask you a question?” he added, just to start any kind of conversation. And he was kind of genuinely curious.

“I think that’s usually what people do on dates. You know, talk.” Bucky answered, his voice low and quiet, but Sam heard him perfectly.

“Yeah, I know.” Sam rolled his eyes. “I was just wondering. If I hadn’t kissed you first…” he saw Bucky’s cheeks get pink and it was truly a sight to see. “Would you ever make a move?” he smiled smugly, as Bucky looked at the drink in his hands and licked his lips before answering. Oh wow, those lips. Suddenly Sam regretted going out because all he wanted to do was grab Bucky’s beautiful face and smash their lips together.

“If I was sure you felt the same way, yeah, probably.” Bucky shrugged, looking to the side now, his face red. It was so amazing how embarrassed he could get talking about feelings.

“So you like me?” that was a stupid question and Bucky’s look and raised eyebrow told him as much. But he asked anyway.

“You think if I didn’t, I’d still be here with you? On a date? Or that I would kiss you? Or, you know, want to stay here?”

“Yeah, okay, I know, dumb question.” Sam chuckled, taking a sip of his drink. “You know, a few weeks ago I never could’ve imagined we’d end up here.”

“No one could’ve.” Buck said. “I never thought that I’d even ever-” he cut himself off and chuckled nervously. “Nevermind.” he kept looking at the table.

“Buck.” Sam felt bold and took Bucky’s hand that was on the table. He didn’t give a fuck if people saw it, everyone in the town already knew he was in love with Bucky. And if it got out and the media found out… well, he also didn’t give a fuck. Not at the moment. He thought he knew what Bucky wanted to say, but he couldn’t be sure, so he just gave him a questioning look.

“It’s fine, I don’t wanna ruin the mood or whatever.” Bucky said, but didn’t pull his hand away.

“Okay, let’s change the subject then. But just so you know, you can talk to me about anything.” he added and Bucky just squeezed his hand and smiled. “Imma repeat myself again, but damn, your smile is gorgeous.” Sam added with a goddamn involuntary sigh, already feeling embarrassed at saying that. He should really get a grip, but Bucky’s smile was just doing things to him. At the sight, his pulse was quickening and his heart was doing backflips, and his lips were automatically forming into a smile too.

“If I knew all I had to do was smile to get you like this, I’d have done this ages ago.” Bucky laughed, relaxing again.

“Really?” Sam’s eyebrow raised. Bucky blushed again.

“I mean, I always knew you were, um, hot.” his face was now red, and it was at the same time beautiful and satisfyingly funny. “I didn’t like you very much, but, you know.” he shrugged. Sam was grinning now. “Oh, shut up.”

“I’m not saying anything.” he laughed. But he had to tease him a little bit. “Aw, you’ve had a crush on me for ages. That’s adorable, Bucky.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You basically did.” Sam argued with a teasing smile.

“I didn’t use the word crush. Because that’s not true.”

“Do you even know what having a crush means?” Sam questioned.

“Yes, I know what it means.” Bucky’s tone sounded almost offended that Sam would even imply that he wasn’t up to date with all the slang and what-not. He knew that Bucky was behind on a lot of things, which was really understandable, of course, but still it was very amusing. “I can use the Internet. And I talk to people.”

“Really? You talk to people?” Sam’s eyes widened in mock-shock. “Who? You hang out with people young enough to know shit like that? Wow, and here I thought you only talked to me, or some old men. You know, closer to your old, old age.”

“And you say that I'm annoying.” Bucky rolled his eyes, probably already knowing that Sam was not gonna let that go. Although, truth be told, Bucky had some things he could tease Sam about, too. “But you gotta admit, despite my ‘old, old age’, I still got it.” he smirked. “I mean, I have you practically throwing yourself at me.”

“So your memory’s back now?” he decided to not acknowledge the comment about throwing himself at Bucky. It was kinda true, anyway, there was no arguing, and that fact just made him blush.

“Yeah, thanks to you. Forgot already? Maybe your memory needs some refreshing, too.” he felt Bucky’s foot bumping into his, almost like a kick, but lighter.

“Maybe it does.” Sam automatically licked his lips, earning a huge, smug grin from Bucky. His gaze focused on Bucky’s lips. “Yeah, that might just be the case.” he added a little distractedly, not able to stop staring, making Bucky’s smile widen. And there was another nudge to his foot under the table, which snapped him out of his daze. “Sergeant Barnes, are you trying to play footsie with me right now?” he asked with equal amounts of amusement and amazement.

“Oh, am I?” Bucky asked faux innocently, looking Sam straight in the eyes, as their feet were now basically tangled together. It was new and different, and completely unexpected, but not unenjoyable, especially seeing that amazing smile on Bucky’s face. “I’m pretty sure I just moved my foot, and you started assuming shit.” Bucky added, his tone teasing, while one of his legs basically wrapped itself around Sam’s calf. A thought crossed his mind that they were at the bar and the lack of any kind of tablecloth was making their legs visible to anyone who looked in their direction. At least it was dark. But honestly, he didn’t really care. He couldn’t, when all he could focus on was Bucky and his smirk and that mischievous glint in his eyes, and the fact that he was touching him. Sam’s skin felt like it was on fire, and Bucky looked like he was having the time of his life.

“You’re impossible.” Sam repeated with a soft laugh. Bucky just winked at him and took a sip of his drink. And the way Sam’s insides fluttered at the wink... He was just so gone on Bucky it was ridiculous. He was just glad they could still act normally, joke and tease each other, without any awkwardness, despite the very obvious tension in the air.

The rest of the evening remained in the same light, happy tone, they talked all the time, about a lot of different things, obviously adding some teasing, like they always do, and some flirting, too. They had some more to drink, which caused Sam to get quite tipsy, while Bucky seemed stone-cold sober. The damn super soldier metabolism. Sam didn’t really think about that when suggesting to get a drink.

So now here they were, walking back home, Sam constantly bumping into Bucky every couple of steps, which the old man found really amusing. To be honest, Sam figured that if he had two or three drinks more, he would be tripping over his feet. Fortunately, that wasn’t the case. Otherwise he would die from embarrassment. Well, he still might, because apparently tipsy Sam talked without any filters.

“So are you staying because you like it here or because I’m here?” Sam asked at some point and if he was sober he would freak out. Or, he wouldn’t let the words out of his mouth, because that was just… completely unnecessary. Additionally, he wrapped his hands around Bucky’s arm and basically clung to him, which he didn’t even realize at first. He was both too tipsy, and too comfortable with Bucky. Maybe the last part was a good thing, since they were trying to build something here, but he was aware that a big part of their whole relationship was teasing and making fun of each other, so he knew that he would probably be reminded of his clinginess at some point.

"What do you think?" Bucky answered, turning his head to look at Sam with amusement and a smirk.

“I think you just wanna be where I am.” he said, more sure and confident than he was about anything else. “And if I went back to DC, you’d go with me.”

“Do you wanna go back?”

“I mean, I’ll have to, eventually.” Sam shrugged with one arm. He was vaguely aware that he was really leaning on Bucky at that point, but he didn’t seem to mind. After all, he was super strong, so that probably wasn’t even fazing him. It occurred to him that Bucky must’ve been pretty comfortable with him too, if he didn’t mind him invading his personal space that much. “It’s better to be close if the people need Captain America.” he said with exaggerated pride. He knew it would be hard, and his doubts were still there, but he could do it. He had to. Plus, he wasn’t alone, he’d have Bucky with him, hopefully. “I have a place there. I’d probably get a job.” he added. He’d been thinking about it, and it made sense. He couldn’t just stay in Louisiana forever, as much as he’d like that. And he needed to make a living somehow. But that all was stuff to think about when he wasn’t intoxicated. Right now, it was Bucky who had all his focus. “So, you know, this is more like vacation. Which we deserved. And then we’re gonna go back to DC. Or Brooklyn, if you prefer that, that’s good enough for me.” He talked too much. He was tipsy and he kept talking and he was a bit afraid he would freak Bucky out with all his planning for the future. They were on one date, for God’s sake. He needed to chill. But then again, he was a bit drunk, so he didn’t care all that much at the moment.

“We, huh?” Bucky chuckled. “That’s presumptuous.”

“C’mon, like you’re not gonna follow me anywhere I go.” Sam rolled his eyes. He really felt super confident right now. That could end with him saying even more embarrassing things, but he’d leave freaking out for the morning.

“You might have a point.” Bucky somehow freed his arm from Sam’s grasp and put it around his arms, bringing him as close as he could while still walking. “If you want me, I’ll go wherever you want.” Sam felt a kiss on his forehead. Oh, so Bucky was gonna be sappy now? Well, maybe he figured since Sam was drunk, he would get away with saying shit like that without teasing later.

“Aw, that’s adorable.” Sam ginned. “Never would’ve guessed that you can be so cute.”

“I’m not cute, shut up.” Sam didn’t need to look at Bucky to know that he rolled his eyes, but his tone of voice was light and amused.

“You shut up.” he shoved Bucky lightly. “I had a nice time.” he added suddenly, changing the topic completely. “Tonight. With you.”

“Me too, Sam. Like I said earlier, you’re not the worst company. Or the worst date.” Buck responded, laughing when Sam elbowed him, with what was supposed to be his full strength, but clearly didn’t work. And just like that, they were back to bantering the rest of the way.

***

They barely stepped inside the house when Sam pulled Bucky in for a long, enthusiastic kiss. Honestly Sam thought about those lips the whole evening, and he just wanted to keep kissing Bucky for as long as he could. Which wasn’t very long apparently, because Bucky pulled away way too soon.

“It’s late. You should get some sleep.” he said and went towards the living room, leaving Sam in the hallway, a little confused. It wasn’t that late. And they could stay up, it wasn’t like they had work in the morning or anything. Wow, he realized that he really just wanted to stay up and make out with Bucky. Well, not only make out, but nothing more was going to happen, so he’d settle for kissing.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked as he followed the other man into the room.

“Going to sleep. What does it look like I’m doing?” Bucky glanced at Sam before reaching for the folded blanket.

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch, you know?” Sam said, leaning on the doorway, probably emboldened a bit by the alcohol. “Plenty of room in my bed.” Bucky looked back at him, a suggestive smirk forming on his face. “Don’t even- I mean sleep. Just sleep.” Sam hurried to add before Bucky could make a comment and remind him that it’s not happening. “Get that fucking smirk off your face before I change my mind.” that got a small chuckle out of Bucky.

“You sure?” he looked kinda nervous as he put the blanket down and turned fully towards Sam.

“Yes, I’m sure. Don't make it weird.” Sam rolled his eyes, walking over to Bucky, grabbing his hand, and leading him to his room. Before that, Bucky managed to grab his bag from the couch.

Once they changed and settled in bed, Sam basically laid on top of Bucky’s chest, their faces close.

“Uh, hi?” Bucky said with a confused smile.

“Hi.” Sam answered, grinning like an idiot, before capturing Bucky’s lips in his again.

Bucky immediately reciprocated, putting his metal hand on Sam’s back, and his flesh one on the back of his head. Sam put one of his hands on Bucky’s cheek, while the other he used to prop himself up. Feeling Bucky’s strong body underneath him was incredible and a bit frustrating, because he just wanted him even closer. His head was swimming, probably from the alcohol, but he chose to believe that at least part of it was because of Bucky’s kisses. It was getting more and more heated, with tongues and teeth, and Sam’s hand started to travel from Bucky’s face to his arms and chest… and that’s when Bucky broke the kiss with a groan. Sam was vaguely aware of making a disappointed sound too, as he chased after his lips.

“So that is why you wanted me in your bed.” Bucky said, licking his lips as he looked up at Sam. “Are you trying to get in my pants, Wilson?” he raised his brow.

“Maybe.” Sam smirked, going in for another kiss, but Bucky leaned away, as far as he could with Sam still on top of him. “Buck.” he basically whined, though he’d never admit that. He just wanted to keep kissing him, goddammit.

“Sam, you gotta go to sleep. You’re drunk and tired, and it’s late. There will be plenty of time for this later.” he said, his hands trailing up and down Sam’s sides. It felt nice.

“Fine.” Sam murmured, then rolled off Bucky, but cuddled up to him immediately. “But can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Were you serious? About, y’know, the first date thing?” he felt like he was drifting off already, as soon as he laid his head down on Bucky’s flesh shoulder. Well, Bucky was right, he was really tired, apparently.

“In this case, yes.” he answered.

“Care to elaborate?” Sam asked, not feeling satisfied with the answer. What the hell did that even mean?

“I mean, if we were, I don’t know, in my apartment or something, and not in the same house as your sister and nephews, and if you weren’t drunk… who knows how the night would end.” there was a hint of teasing in his voice.

“So. When we’re alone and sober…” Sam trailed off. “Okay. That can be arranged.” at that Bucky laughed, maybe a little too loud, which made Sam shush him.

“Wow, you’re unbelievable.” he kept chuckling. “Calm down, we’ve only gone on one date.”

“Hopefully there will be more.” Sam was basically half-asleep at that point, but still awake enough to keep the conversation going.

“Yeah.” Bucky kissed the top of his head. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Buck.”

***

When he woke up, Bucky was wrapped around him, still sleeping soundly and calmly. It seemed like he didn’t have nightmares that night, and Sam was really happy for him. Bucky actually confided in him that it happened more rarely when he was here. That was good. He still had a long way to go, but that was progress. Sam turned so that he was facing Bucky, and smiled widely, running his fingers through his hair. He could wake up like that every day.

But then he was reminded of the alcohol he consumed the previous night, because he really needed to take a leak. He didn’t wanna wake Bucky, so he carefully tried to slip out of his embrace. He mostly succeeded, with the other man startling just twice, either not waking up somehow, or just choosing to stay in bed and not acknowledge the world just yet. In any case, Sam was free to go to the bathroom.

When he was done, he planned to just go back to bed, but he saw his sister in the kitchen, and smelled the delicious coffee she was drinking.

“Hi.” he greeted her, going straight for the coffee pot.

“Morning.” Sarah grinned, leaning against the counter, as Sam reached for the mug and poured himself some of the coffee. “How was your date?” she asked, her tone clearly teasing.

“It was great. Could’ve ended a bit better, but well, besides that, it was awesome.” he shrugged, leaning against the counter opposite Sarah. He had no idea why he was saying this, it would make more sense if Bucky was there and he could tease him about it, but nevermind. He just woke up and was before his coffee.

“Oh, so it was a date? You just said that you were going out.” Sarah was clearly a bit surprised, but also amused. He did say that when he saw her briefly before going out, because why would she need to know more? But he also didn’t feel the need to hide anything, especially from his sister.

“Yeah, Bucky and I went on a date.” he rolled his eyes, but couldn’t contain a smile. It sounded ridiculous and unreal, but it happened. He was on a date with Bucky, and then they slept in one bed. Crazy. “So would you stop flirting with him?” he added, just a little bit annoyed.

“Excuse me? He’s the one flirting with me” she laughed.

“You’re encouraging him, though. And he’s just being a little shit, he’s not flirting.” well, Sam wasn’t really sure about that, but he was gonna put a stop to it anyway. Again, he was not jealous. Just a bit irritated.

“Oh, I get it, he’s trying to rile you up, huh?” Sarah was grinning now. “But I know that, Sam.” she gave him an exasperated look. “I’ve known that he had eyes only for you since I met him. And you’ve been pretty obvious, too.” she took a sip of her coffee.

“No, I wasn’t. That’s bullshit.” he said, sounding offended. Even though it was more than probable for Sarah to see right through him. She knew him really well, after all.

“Sam. It’s enough that you look at him and you get this dreamy look on your face, and you can’t stop smiling. You’re so smitten.” she chuckled. Sam couldn’t argue with that. “I’m happy that you two worked it out, though.” she added, more seriously now. “But if he breaks your heart, I will kill him.”

“I don’t doubt that.” he laughed. “He won’t, but thanks, I appreciate it.” Sam felt silly thinking that, because they just started dating, but he genuinely believed that this is something that’s gonna last. He believed that Bucky wouldn’t leave him, or break his heart or whatever. In Sam’s mind, there was literally no chance for that. Which was ridiculous. Their relationship was new and fresh, and what if something like that did happen? But then again, he’s known Bucky for much longer, they’ve been through a lot together, and they developed some kind of friendship that seemed to naturally evolve into something more. Suffice it to say, he wasn’t worried. But he didn’t need to think about that now. He should really just take it one day at a time before freaking Bucky out or something.

They were silent for a moment, just sipping their coffees, before Sarah spoke up again.

“I see that Bucky didn’t sleep on the couch.” Sam just hummed to let her know he was listening, as her statement didn’t require an answer. “But you said that the date could’ve been better. So what went wrong?” she asked, seeming half curious, half amused.

“Apparently, Bucky’s a damn gentleman.” he grumbled into his mug, earning a loud laugh from Sarah.

Just then the object of their conversation walked into the kitchen, and Sam’s lips immediately formed into a wide grin.

“Mornin’.” Bucky greeted them, a soft smile appearing on his face too, upon looking at Sam.

“Hey, Buck. How’d you sleep?” Sam asked.

“Surprisingly well.” he answered, his smile widening. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Nothing.” Sam answered, at the same time as Sarah said:

“You.”

Sam gave her a death stare, while Bucky chuckled, his cheeks reddening. Before he could say anything, though, Sam asked: “Coffee?” already reaching for another mug.

Bucky looked amused, but it seemed that he let it go for now, accepting the coffee from Sam.

Soon after that, the boys came down for breakfast, which Sam had started on in the meantime.

Later, as they all sat at the table, eating breakfast and talking, Sam took a minute to just look at the rest of them. Bucky fit in so perfectly, everyone loved having him around. And he was so good with the boys, who were really excited whenever they got to spend time with him. As Sam was looking at Bucky intently listening to some story AJ was telling, while Cass tried to interject, and Sarah tried not to laugh but at the same time keep some sort of peace at the table, he knew that this was as close to perfection as it could get. This was his place and his family. He wouldn’t exchange it for anything. And as his gaze met Bucky’s, he was filled with so much affection and love, he felt as if his heart was about to jump out of his chest, and over to Bucky, probably. They smiled at each other and he knew that this, here, was the happiest he’s ever been.

***

It was about a week later when Bucky asked him out again. It was an agonizingly long week for Sam, with Bucky now sleeping in his bed, and them still not going further than some heated make-out sessions. Sam was pretty sure he was going to lose his mind if they kept this up. He loved just having Bucky around, and he loved that despite them getting romantically involved, their whole dynamic barely changed. But he was getting frustrated. So when Bucky suggested a second date, Sam eagerly agreed.

He couldn’t have expected what Bucky planned, though.

He found himself on his boat, just before sunset, a blanket spread on the deck, with a couple of pillows, and a picnic basket with some food and a bottle of wine. Sam was amazed.

“What the-” he cut off, looking from the prepared picnic to Bucky, and back at the boat. “I- uh, I had no idea you could be so, um, romantic.”

“Yeah, well.” Bucky rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I wanted to do something nice. And maybe spend some time alone.” he shrugged, his cheeks reddening. “And the boat is fixed up now, so… I gotta admit tho, Sarah really helped with the food. It’s not much, but-” he shrugged again.

“It’s amazing.” Sam smiled, bringing Bucky closer and leaving a soft kiss on his lips. It wasn’t that late and there were still some people at the docks, but he didn’t really give a fuck. He wanted to kiss Bucky, and that’s what he was gonna do, no matter what others might say. Or what might get leaked to the press. He would worry about that later.

“Okay, let’s just get going, before the sun goes down. I’ve been told that sunsets are romantic or some shit.” Bucky’s whole face was red now, and he clearly tried to downplay his emotions and the fact that maybe he also thought that sunsets are romantic and wanted to look at one with Sam. It was adorable, and Sam just wanted to stay in that moment forever.

“Yeah, okay.” he just said, still grinning from ear to ear.

Soon enough, Bucky steered the boat out on the water, quite far from the docks, while Sam made comments about how he’d better not drown his family’s boat and since when could he steer a boat, anyway.

The sun was quite low when they both finally sat down on the blanket. Bucky poured them wine, because of course the guy brough fucking wine glasses on deck, and they just sat there, enjoying the snacks prepared by Sarah, and looking at the beautiful sunset. At some point Sam glanced at Bucky though, and he couldn’t look away. Bucky was so gorgeous, and in that moment it was even more accentuated by the relaxed look on his face and the light from the setting sun. He was more beautiful than the sunset. And Sam just… Sarah was right, he was smitten. He was so gone, there was no turning back.

“You’re staring.” Bucky said, his gaze still on the horizon, taking a sip of the wine.

“I like the view.” Sam responded, enjoying how Bucky’s cheeks immediately got pink again. “Besides, you’re always staring. I think I’m entitled to stare a bit too.”

“Sure.” Bucky chuckled, glancing at Sam. Then he leaned in to kiss him. This kiss was short, chaste and sweet, and it was just perfect for that moment.

Sam loved kissing Bucky. They managed to kiss quite a lot in the short time since they’ve started doing that, but still every time they did, he felt the same excitement as if he was kissing him for the first time. And that reminded him of how nervous and panicked he was, which seemed silly now, that he could just lean in at any moment, and it would most likely be reciprocated.

And he loved this whole date, it was so simple and peaceful, and it was just them. Bucky really seemed to know what Sam wanted, or maybe he just wanted the same things, but either way, it was nice. It was wonderful. And so surprising, Sam never would’ve thought Bucky could come up with something like this. Although… did he, really?

“So, this date.” Sam leaned back on his hands, looking at Bucky curiously. “You thought of it yourself or did Sarah help you with that, too?” he kept his tone jocular, to make sure Bucky knew that he wasn’t serious. He loved it anyway, no matter where the idea came from.

“I came up with it.” Buck admitted, looking away. He seemed kinda shy, which only made Sam smile fondly. “I just thought you might like it.” he grumbled.

“I love it, Buck.”

“Good.” he looked at Sam, giving him one of his most charming smiles. “For once you’re not gonna complain.”

“I never complain.”

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself.” Bucky rolled his eyes and Sam kicked his leg lightly.

“You’re lucky I like to spend time with you, ‘cause usually you’re annoying the shit outta me.” Sam laughed.

“I am lucky.” Bucky’s voice was quieter and softer this time. Sam was amazed at how they could go from teasing and joking to serious conversation and right back. It was crazy, but then again, so were they.

“You’re gonna be all sappy the whole date?” he asked because it was stronger than him. Honestly, he wouldn’t really mind that.

“I dunno. But if you have a problem with that, you can always leave and go home.” he gestured vaguely towards the docks, which were pretty far away now.

“We’re on a boat, Buck.” Sam rolled his eyes, but he knew Bucky and he knew what he was gonna say next. So he was just humoring him now.

“Can’t you swim?” he smirked.

Sam chuckled despite himself. It wasn’t even funny, and he predicted that was what was gonna come out of Bucky’s mouth. And he still couldn’t help a laugh. His feelings and infatuation with Bucky were progressing, way too quickly for his liking.

A while later, they found themselves laying down on the blanket and pillows, looking up at the dark sky and the stars. It was a beautiful, clear night, and the stars were almost as captivating as Bucky, but not quite, which is why Sam kept glancing at him once in a while. A couple of times he caught Bucky looking at him, too, which made him feel all giddy.

They were also talking and finishing the one and only bottle of wine that Bucky brought.

Then at some point Sam propped himself up to take a sip of his last glass, and never laid back down, instead leaning in and kissing Bucky. Soon enough, they were full-on making out, pressed against each other. When Sam felt Bucky’s hands roam over his body, one even landing on his ass, this time he pulled away, albeit reluctantly. Bucky groaned in disappointment, moving his kisses to Sam’s neck.

“Sam, what the hell?” he asked, his voice muffled by Sam’s skin.

“Uh, I really don’t want you to stop. But I have a question.” Sam said, panting a bit already. Bucky sighed with exasperation and pulled back to look at Sam and raised his eyebrow. “If I remember correctly, last time it was not being alone in the house and the alcohol. So I just need to know if you changed your mind or if you’re just being a tease right now.” he said that more seriously than he felt, but he wanted to know how he should approach the situation.

“That’s why there was only one bottle of wine, Sam.” the exasperation was still in Buck’s voice. “Enough to get you a small buzz, without getting drunk. And I figured wine would’ve been romantic or something.” he mumbled the last bit, reluctantly letting it slip. “And it’s not a first date.” he added louder, with a smirk on his face.

“Okay.” Sam licked his lips and took a deep breath. “So we agree what’s happening here, right? We’re gonna do the nasty?” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Just say have sex like a normal person.” Bucky rolled his eyes, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss again.

And finally, freaking finally, Bucky didn’t pull away when Sam’s hands slipped under his shirt. Even better, Bucky took it off and Sam could admire him in his full glory. He actually took a second to stop kissing and just look, because damn. He moved so now he was straddling his lap, and trailed his hands over Bucky’s chest and then down his arms, feeling the difference in the textures, and Bucky seemed a little bit nervous for a second, before Sam smiled and brought both his hands up to leave a kiss on each of them. He had no idea why but the metal arm was definitely doing it for him. Soon, that arm wrapped around his hips and brought him even closer to Bucky, if that was possible, and they kissed like that for what felt simultaneously long and too short. He briefly thought that it was so great that it was summer and the night was warm, but that thought disappeared as soon as Bucky flipped them over so that Sam was on his back, feeling the hard boards underneath, and Bucky started trailing kisses down his now bare chest. And he got lower and lower and lower… and Sam was losing his mind, this time in a good way. That was about to be the best night he’s had in a long while.

***

Later, laying on the pillows and the blanket that they were half wrapped up in, Sam felt blissful. Once again he couldn’t take his eyes off of the man beside him. He just… Bucky was the best thing that could’ve happened to him. He has grown so much over the past couple months, and Sam couldn’t have been more proud. He was an amazing person, with a big heart and this whole grumpy facade that hid a real softie. Sam loved their conversations and even, or especially, the bickering and teasing. He secretly loved Bucky’s sense of humor, too, even if it sucked and he was rarely funny. Plus, he was just gorgeous and Sam wanted to keep looking at him forever.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Bucky asked, his flesh hand tracing small patterns on Sam’s arm.

“Nothing.” he smiled, leaving a soft kiss on Bucky’s lips. It wasn’t really nothing. But he felt like it was too soon to say. Even if he was more sure of it than anything.

He was undoubtedly, completely, utterly in love.

Bucky raised his eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Just flashed him that gorgeous, soft smile, and Sam just melted, going in for another kiss, he just couldn’t resist. He hadn’t felt happier in years.

Yeah, he really loved Bucky.

THE END

#sambucky #sambucky fic #sambucky fanfiction #fluff #sambucky fluff #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sam and bucky #my writing #tfatws #third part #fanfic #last part #i suck at tags

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vidavalor · 3 years

Text

Can we talk about how Sam is as useless at this as Bucky is, really, and it’s massively sweet?

Yeah, I’m writing about Sam because we all love us some brainwashed, century-old assassin endless array of hurt/comfort here but this idea that Sam, because he’s a therapist and not always a crying, nightmare-sweat-drenched mess, is Captain Got It All Together is not truth... because this poor broken-hearted kitten absolutely does not and it makes him so much more of a better-realized, fuller character...

I’m not trying to wade any ship wars here or any fandom strife over the Bucky slant to fic/sometimes erasure of Sam here... I love both of these characters equally and ship them but my point here is that I think that because Bucky’s trauma is more well-documented and, for lack of a better word, “flashier”, that some people might think Sam looks perfectly well-adjusted. By comparison, he probably is but this other, quieter story happening with Sam is necessary reading here if you’ve been sleeping on the complexities of one Sam Wilson that aren’t the ones the show is focusing on more explicitly relating to his lived experience as a Black man in America. (They’re not completely separate either but not only this part of his life.) What do I mean, exactly?

Been wondering how these two are falling in love but can mainly just get it from Bucky’s POV because Sam is awesome and Bucky is sad and need love? Not sure what Sam is getting out of his relationship with Bucky? Not totally sure you ship it but leaning that way? Yeah, pull up a seat because this thing I wrote after Ep 5 here (so spoilers through that) is basically an old-school ship manifesto at this point but comes at SamBucky/WinterFalcon from Sam’s side, rather than Bucky’s. (I have nothing *against* Bucky. I just think you’re missing half the goodness of this show and half the surprisingly tender romance of all of this if you are not focusing on Sam as much as Bucky.) If this interests you, then read on, being forewarned that it’s a little long...

So... Sam Wilson is a sweet, kind, warm-hearted, empathetic, drop-dead gorgeous superhero soldier flying military veteran therapist... whom the canon suggests is Bucky Barnes-level obsessed with his dead former partner (in some sense of the word), Riley. You thought it was just Bucky with the angsty past love? Oh no... oh, no no no....

Consider that Sam’s been back in Delacroix twice now in TFATWS and not once has his sister-- who adores him and who knows everyone in town-- suggested that she call up any one of the at least ten decent single people she has to know who live in the area to take her f*cking *dreamboat* of a brother out. Forget the show putting Sam in like twelve pieces of canon and not throwing a single human (not named Bucky) at him and what that implies-- we all know that Sarah wouldn’t care what kind of human her brother was attracted to and yet she and the entire community of Delacroix can’t seem to find this guy a date. He’s sweet and hot and an Avenger but our Sam’s a monk, you guys... More to the point... they don’t even try. They know better than to try anymore... which says a lot.

Going back awhile now, when Sam met Steve, he was still this equally dreamy and he didn’t even have any Avengers-related problems getting in the way of his potential dating life. He had a normal job working for the VA in DC. Yet, he clearly was seeing exactly no one and while I am willing to admit that pretty much any human would drop everything and follow Steve Rogers around the world, it’s clear that Sam wasn’t seeing anyone at the time because his life was able to be dropped in a second and he also had that file with Riley’s photo at the ready, man. At. the. ready...

He responded to the opportunity to follow Steve with no less need when it came to his own post-trauma-of-war identity as Bucky does. This isn’t to say that Sam is *as* lost as Bucky because it would be hard to out-do the once-brainwashed assassin who has been alive for a hundred years but Sam saw all sorts of hell. He’s a therapist for veterans because he’s had to get beyond *his own* PTSD and he’s really aware of how that is a journey that doesn’t exactly ever end. It gets significantly better and he knows how well it can-- that’s why he can tell Bucky that there is hope of that-- but it is very clear that Sam Wilson is still suffering his own kind of PTSD and his own grief for the death of a guy who likely couldn’t love him the way he needed him to.

I know we don’t know a ton about exactly what Sam and Riley were but I think there is enough to infer that they probably actually weren’t a couple. For one thing, Sarah never mentions him and even if the show wanted to be vague about things, they could phrase it like “it’s been forever since you brought back someone to the house, haven’t met any of them since Riley” or something. There are ways to infer that they were a thing and the nature of it, if the show wanted to do that but all they have suggested so far is that Sam was in love with Riley. We know he and Riley were friends and worked on the Falcon suit project together but what we are getting out of what they are giving to us is that Sam loved him but it’s not clear that they were even a couple. I’d even say the picture of them that he shows Steve and Natasha is supposed to evoke that they weren’t a couple-- it’s of Sam looking at Riley, smiling like he’s the moon and the stars, while Riley is smiling but just a bit and he’s looking at the camera, not at Sam.

In other words, remember Miller’s analogies from school? Sam is to Riley as Bucky is to Steve. I just offended every person reading this who thinks that Steve and Bucky weren’t an unrequited thing *ducks* but I feel like we’re supposed to take from what they give us that Sam knows a little something about being mad for a guy who thinks you are his best buddy but doesn’t look at you in a romantic or sexual way and you feel like you’re dying over it. Sam gets Bucky because Sam *is* Bucky when it comes to this.

If Sam and Riley were just the best of friends, Sam still would have mourned him greatly but it would not necessarily have impacted his love life the way it seems like it might have. I’m not necessarily saying there was no one but this is a man who even when it felt like Steve Rogers-- whom Sam obviously found attractive-- seemed like he was making Sam question whether or not he was coming onto him or just super-nice and making a new fellow veteran friend... even when that was happening, Sam’s response was that he didn’t hate it or anything and he was willing to help Steve with what he needed in this friendly, advice-giving sort of way and maybe they had a thing, who knows, but it was clear that Sam-- a guy who has to be hit on *all the time*-- wasn’t really used to the idea of there being someone in his life. So, he wasn’t letting anyone into his life. He would have had the chance, no doubt. He was choosing not to. Why would you choose not to? If you were grieving the loss of a man you couldn’t get over and you thought that you weren’t ever going to love anyone like that and maybe having someone wasn’t going to happen for you.

Like, imagine Sam’s surprise when The Winter Soldier turns up, nearly kills them all, disappears and they go on the run and he starts hearing Steve’s confessional stories about the guy who was his best friend and in love with him and Steve has literally never said those words aloud because they’re from the *1940s* and he’s felt guilty all this time for hurting him. Steve’s the kind of guy who would feel guilty for not being in love with someone who was in love with him. That’s when Sam, who thought he had more in common with Steve, realizes he’s actually *Bucky Barnes* in this story. He’s the damn Winter Soldier in the Steve-and-Bucky version of him and Riley.

That is how Bucky evolves from “the kind of guy you have to stop” in Sam’s mind to the guy he’s hanging out with in every fight and snarking over the car seats with. He’s like yeesh, I thought I had a few years of this ungodly pain and that was bad... this poor bastard’s been in love with a Riley who could and probably will live until he’s a hundred and thirty. Sam starts getting into this whole antagonist origin story of The Winter Soldier here because he realizes that one wrong move-- one case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time-- and he could have been captured during the war he was in. He could have been tortured like that, so easily, and he knows what it’s like to be tortured by love in that way.

Bucky, for his part, when he begins to get his mind back and more fully remember Steve and his past, takes one look at Sam and is thinking like... that poor SOB... oh, look, it’s 21st Century Me. So, you fell for Steve Rogers, huh? Welcome to the club. We meet every Tuesday at two to discuss being the pining best friend in love with a guy who, in all likelihood, is attracted to both of us but unless Tony Stark can shake loose a bit of the freak in The Star-Spangled Man With a Plan, we’re not getting anything but a most earnest and sincere friendship out of this (and if Stark can’t, no one can....)

Like, Bucky’s Steve love is pretty pure. He wants him to be happy. He’s hurt that Steve doesn’t love him the way he loves Steve but he does love him as his best friend as well and wants him to have what he wants out of life. If that’s going back in time to Peggy Carter (who wouldn’t, really?) and leaving him behind then, fine. He wishes he were still here but he’ll deal but he’s going to be keeping an eye out for the other guy left behind-- Steve’s new modern era best friend person. Bucky’s so gone over keeping Steve safe that he can’t even resent Sam’s presence-- he’s thrilled he exists. Someone good to look after Steve when Bucky couldn’t! Sam Wilson is heaven sent and must be protected at all costs! So frequently from some kid with webbed fingers, apparently!

Sam, meanwhile, is challenged by the dilemma that Bucky appears to think that they’re in the same boat while Sam, who for sure had a little crush on Steve as who doesn’t, has really come to realize that he is far, far more into the tragic one here. He’s so irritated about it. It would be simpler if he just fell for another blond soldier with red, white and blue blood who couldn’t love him. At least he’d just be completely hopeless then but the brainwashed one? The one that thinks he’s horrid but is so good that he can’t even bring himself to be that jealous of Sam when he clearly thinks Sam is sleeping with the guy he’s loved for years?

Oh, Sam’s gone on that one...

Bucky’s still a mess then so it’s harmless enough to just pretend he’s not writing himself into touch-starved Bucky fanfic in his own mind here but when Bucky keeps saving him in different fights? When he catches him looking once or twice. When the bickering is really flirting and Sam knows he means it that way, too? When the poor guy just gets his mind back, they all reunite and go to one battle and then the two of them disappear and miss *five years* of their lives? When then, soon after, Steve is gone, too?

When it begins to feel like *they* are now the story and meant to go through the rest of these things together? I mean, when everyone else is all on about the fate and destiny of it all-- Stark’s big sacrifice being the one way to save everyone, Doctor Strange going on about all the possibilities of the universe on a saving the world level but it so personal to the people Sam and Bucky know, Steve choosing to go back in time because he can and be with the woman he loved and never got to have...

...standing there in the funerals and aftermaths of all of this together, by virtue of being Steve’s Friends Who Aren’t Really Part of This Gang Exactly... are Sam and Bucky. What are the odds that they are supposed to be the rest of one another’s story? Sam was wondering it. He for sure hadn’t felt like this since Riley... he might not have really ever felt it at all before.

Can we just admit that while there’s been some guys in the past-- and it could be rephrased as ‘some people’, as while Sam is written to suggest he’s at least into men, he could be into people who don’t identify as men as well-- but there’s not been someone who has been able to love him the way he’s loved them.

He’s from the South and Black and the show taps into the racism he’s been through as a result. Not obviously in Delacroix, where he feels safe and seen, where people care about him and don’t care that he is not straight, but in other parts. He’s been in the military, where homophobia is still pretty rampant and it’s a culture of a lot of heterosexual machismo. (Hell, the show even has a kind of walking, talking example of a guy everyone knows was the epitome of that kind of culture, even if he’s been broken by that world, too-- John Walker.) It’s not even really clear if Sam is out and, if he is, to whom. He seems to be the kind of person to want to be himself as much as possible and Sarah likely knows because they are close but I’m not so sure that a lot of Sam’s military buddies actually did. He really strikes me as the guy who gets along with everybody and whom everybody loves-- but whom few people actually *know* because he keeps himself (all of himself, not just his sexuality) private from others...

...which is also a hell of a lot like one Bucky Barnes.

Guaranteed they became such fast friends not just from being sort of left with one another in the aftermath of Steve and their attraction but because Sam was amazed to find that Bucky was actually pretty funny and Sam just kept talking to him because while he has-- or had, anyways, before he ran off with Steve-- a ton of people he’d consider friends, he doesn’t really have anyone he’d consider to be a close friend and hasn’t since Riley. Bucky, just still stunned to be free of mind control and that there was another human being talking to him instead of looking at him as a weapon to program to kill, was eager to listen to and absolutely thrilled when he could find something sarcastic to say to make Sam laugh that surprised laugh and light up.

These two damaged couple of guys spent most of this show and the months before it just terrified by how much love they were feeling for one another and were very happy to let any conflict they could get in the way of it-- any excuse to claim they weren’t feeling totally seen and run for the hills back into their own trauma.

It’s not just Bucky doing this. He might have been the one not returning the texts at the start, the one who seemed to be withdrawing more, while Sam was texting him still to check in on him but how quickly that began to flip around by Episode 5.

Suddenly, the brave one is Bucky. It was Sam for the first few episodes-- he was stil trying and so hard, despite not getting what he needed in return and Bucky still sending signals that he wanted him but was happy to still revel in being too damaged and scared to try harder. By Episode 5, though? Bucky’s not only learned to trust himself again, it is proven to be what he was afraid of: not being able to protect and love Sam the way he wanted to and that Sam would leave him. Triggered by the shield as a metaphor for not caring about Bucky, not having a reason to still pursue him, Bucky thought he had successfully pushed Sam away and that Sam would really stop texting because to not do so would be to admit to one another that they wanted to be around one another and this wasn’t just about Steve/Captain America. By Episode 5, Bucky shows up in Delacroix not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but with eyes only for Sam and is every one of Sam’s favorite Bucky Barnes fantasies come to life.

It’s now Sam flipping out. Would you have expected the Sam of the first two episodes to be a babbling mess in the face of a flirty Bucky stretching and claiming it’s time for him to go get a hotel room? To try to be playing it cool but winding up asking him to stay forever and telling him he likes his tight t-shirts in the middle there? To get so nervous that he suddenly is babbling about six toes and flirting with Sarah, showing how jealous he was of Bucky just... smiling and being this guy Steve had said was under there but that Sam had only had small glimpses of so far? If he was gone for the broken Winter Soldier... he’s wrecked by a single smile from this Bucky.

This is the same guy who spent the first few episodes confident to a point of near-cockiness, loving flirting with and teasing Bucky, the one that seemed more well-adjusted and in control of himself. Overall, he is but there’s something there when Bucky shows up and White Wolfs Sam into a sputtering mess who is sending him little glances, as if they’ve switched bodies from the first few episodes. It shows *just how much* Sam is comfortable with Bucky and how rare it is for him because he would react differently to Bucky’s more overt flirting of Episode 5 if how he is with Bucky was his default in life. Instead, we see that some of it is posturing-- it’s the Sam equivalent of lifting heavy things and using power tools. His is the humor (what’s a better aphrodisiac than making the Winter Soldier laugh or flirt back or blush?) and the bicker-caring. We even see where it comes from, in a way. Sam is a soldier-- he knows how to help other traumatized soldiers and when we saw him in his VA group session when we met him, we saw him using that kind of machismo world and its language to communicate with the soldiers in the group. The difference for him with them versus him with Bucky is that he’s also flirting with Bucky. The buddy cop thing is intentional-- it’s Sam’s strategy, it’s been Bucky’s choice to respond to it and they’re playacting it as how they talk because it’s been easier than admitting that they are completely gone on another and just want all the soft things.

Up until recently anyway and now Sam’s reeling from a man he’s fallen in love with showing up and loving him back. Don’t think for a second that Bucky doesn’t know enough by now to know that it’d totally undo Sam but the surprise of it to the audience only really exists if you don’t think Sam and Bucky have anything in common besides their now-gone mutual friend. In reality, they’re endgame.

#tfatws #sam wilson #sambucky #bucky barnes #thefalconandthewintersoldier #marvel #bucky #buckysam #winterfalcon

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the-magic-lava-lamp · 5 years

Text

Unforgettable

Summary: -That was the thing between them lately. Sure, they’d gone from enemies to tolerating each other before the snap. But after the snap...they’d come back with more than just a death date. They came back with a connection. Sam figured all those who’d gone were feeling some type of shared trauma connection so he’d written it off. But he and Bucky just...moved differently these days.

Ships: Sambucky

Word Count: 4,259

It was a tough day. Time had been passing incredibly fast yet so achingly slow in Sam’s opinion. His suit was starting to feel heavier than his wings and the tie that wrapped around his neck was far too tight no matter how many times he’d loosen the damn thing. Maybe it was becoming a nervous tick because the next time he reached up for it, Bucky slowly raised his own hand and blocked him.

The setting sun, as it seemed, had nothing better to do than to glaze it's vivid gold beams onto their shoulders. It was adding uncomfortable sweating to the long list of things Sam was hating about the day. The lake in front of them was beautiful and offered some kind of somber peace but that was honestly the best it could do.

Friends were dead & gone and that was a pain that Sam could never get used to. God, if he could’ve just had a single last moment with Natasha before...He dissolved into thin fucking air and came back with a 2018 death date. Five years gone and he woke up to the scariest shit he’d ever face. Much bigger than The Avengers and he hadn’t even known that one of his own was gone.

He had tried to join in on the out-look that today was a celebration of Tony’s life but could not bring himself to celebrate sacrifices that shouldn’t have had to happen in the first place. Rhodey looked just about torn to pieces when they’d had a small conversation at arrival, Wanda couldn’t stop anxiously scraping her nails into Clint’s arm (not that he tired to stop her), and the look on the Parker kid’s face was enough to kill any sign of joy. They’d lost some pretty amazing people.

There was another man to think about. Steve, who’d nearly given Sam a fucking heart-attack by not showing back up on the platform, was nothing short of a stranger now. He’d gone and lived an entire life without them and came back with the most touching yet horrifying gift in the entire world. Sam wasn't sure how he could feel so abandoned yet so appreciated but in that moment, it was overwhelming.

Sam buried his face into the crook of his hand and willed himself not to puke just from pure stress. With his stomach turning just the same as it did the days he’d try to keep up with Steve’s super-solider speed, he turned to his friend. Bucky had surprisingly large doe-eyes that were reflecting the sun-set perfectly, glittering orange hues swam in the pools of blue.

The shield laid behind them on the bed of Clint’s truck and he tried not to look at it. Life was changing and he didn’t want to acknowledge the new responsibilities that came with it yet. He’d just got done taking on the world and he needed a minute or two before he took on his reckless superhero thoughts again.

“So, what the hell do we do now?” He sighed, slouching a little as he rested his arm on the side of the truck. Beside him, Bucky shifted and folded his hands into his lap.

They made brief eye contact and it wasn’t shocking to either of them just how exhausted they looked. They looked like the dead and he supposed they had their excuses for that.

Bucky rolled his lips together and shrugged. “We could go dancing?”

It was a question that hung in the air for a few seconds. His voice had been softer than Sam had ever heard it and he’d asked with such a casual tone that it almost sounded logical. So he repeated it with fascination “Dancing.” he chuckled, running his hand down his chin to his neck. “The man wants to go dancing.”

Bucky only nodded with a casual smile.

Maybe it was just because it sounded like pure paradise compared to the day they’d just had but Sam found himself nodding back. Hell, Bucky deserved to go out and meet some people, didn’t he? “Yeah, alright man. Let’s go dancing, I guess.” He shrugged and started to bring himself to stand, though his legs still felt like jelly.

“Ok, come on.” Bucky hopped off the truck-bed and held his right hand out into the air where it hovered above ground for a few seconds. The flesh of his palm was torn up and it eerily reminded Sam of the cuts or scraps he used to get all the time as a kid. Running too fast and tripping, breaking the fall with his hands against pavement. It gave him an odd sensation that life was coming full circle. A monumental space fight and you could come out on the other side with the same injury you had as an overexcited eight year old.

He was overthinking all of this when Bucky gladly reached further and took his hand for him, pulling him gently and slowly off the truck-bed and it didn’t feel weird. Not in the way Sam would expect. In fact, it felt completely natural.

Because that was the thing between them lately. Sure, they’d gone from enemies to tolerating each other before the snap. But after the snap...they’d come back with more than just a death date. They came back with a connection. Sam figured all those who’d gone were feeling some type of familial or shared trauma connection so he’d written it off. But he and Bucky just...moved differently these days.

Sam would kill to know what happened to them in The Soul Stone because nobody had any clue. But something. Something happened that caused him to accept normalcy in things like Bucky holding his hand or constantly looking at him like he just got done saving his life. And he guessed that Bucky did the same with the things he did in return.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were still holding hands when they strolled up to a club that Sam suggested. He’d long since accepted that Bucky wasn’t here to meet other people. It was hard to think that when the man gently squeezed his hand the entire walk there. And he squeezed right back because it was just something they did now.

They swayed into the club and savored the nice warm air that fell over them. The music was loud and bouncy, the kind of pop stuff that Sam was used to hearing over and over but beside him, Bucky stiffened. He tugged on Sam’s arm gently and then grabbed at it with both of his hands so that he would turn to him. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t know how to dance to music like this.” Bucky rubbed his hand against the back of his neck and glanced around the place, eyes following the people dancing with wonder. Sam chuckled.

“Just do what ya know, Bucky. Teach me some of that old stuff and maybe try not to break a hip.” He smiled.

Bucky’s face lit up before a proud looking smirk took over. He stepped back a touch and offered his hand one more time. “Watch what you ask for, Doll. We’re gonna go real slow...” He eyed the couples past them, that were hopping to the beat. “But you just follow me and keep your eyes locked right here, ok?” Bucky tipped Sam’s chin up so that their eyes met.

Sam felt like he might turn into puddle. Sure, he got glimpses here and there of what Bucky might’ve been like before all...the trauma. 40′s Bucky. But he was never on the receiving end of such charm before. It was rare in his life but in that moment, Sam actually wanted to relinquish control and allow himself to be lead.

And so, they moved together. Bucky eased him into the steps and they took to the floor like a couple of idiots. The bouncy pop music blared in their ears but they danced like they were in a black & white movie. Delightfully slow and extremely close...Sam found himself wondering why people stopped dancing like this. “Can I spin ya, sweetheart?”

‘God. This guy’s gonna kill me.’ Sam rolled his eyes but answered by simply allowing the turn and by the end of it, his body was right back up against Bucky’s.

“When did we become friends, man?” Sam found himself chuckling as he realized just how odd this whole situation was. Here he was, slow dancing with the Winter Soldier...with Bucky, they were both back from the dead basically, his best friends were gone in different ways and Cap’s shield was in the trunk of his car.

He tilted his head back and laughed before Bucky could even answer but he was delighted enough to just see pure joy within Sam again.

“Hmmmm....” Bucky drifted into thought, swaying them slowly and enjoyed the feeling of Sam nuzzling himself back into the crook of his neck. “I’d say somewhere in-between...” His voice sounded far off and sing-songy. “Trying to kill you and that stop at the gas station in that damn Volkswagen Beetle, remember?” Bucky giggled as the word spilled out of his mouth, sounding more like a mumbled ’memeber? instead of the full word. But it was nice to hear him so choked up on joy that he started to rush his sentences out. It meant that was excited to hear Sam’s reply. Bucky was slowly finding his way back to really enjoying long conversations again.

Yeah. Sam definitely remembered that. He broke their dance position momentarily to gently lay his hand on the back of Bucky’s neck. “And what about this...?” He used his other hand to gesture between them which was difficult considering how close they were.

“Just happened.” Bucky licked his lips and shrugged with the best answer he could come up with.

“Just happened.” Sam repeated and briefly broke their eye contact to glance at the bar. His companion took the time to allow some of the worry he had fill his expression. He dragged his eyes over Sam’s expression and frowned. He took Sam’s hand off his neck and slowly lead him back to position.

“So, how are you feeling...y’know about all this?”

Sam hummed. “At the moment, not much-”

“That’s a lie, if I ever heard one.” Bucky clicked his tongue and gave him an expectant look.

“What about you?” Sam returned the question but Bucky only rolled his eyes.

“I asked you first, Sam.” He squeezed his hand and their movements gained a tiny bit of speed.

They were silent for a few seconds before Sam decided he could at least answer him. “Part of me is pissed.” He hated admitting it but...he did ask. Bucky nodded and guided him into the next steps. “Steve just..left us. Is that selfish of me to complain about?”

“Slowly with me now, Doll.” Bucky glanced at their feet when Sam subconsciously started to speed up and guided him with his hand lightly on the small of his back.

“I’m happy for him, really I am. He got what he always wanted but it’s bittersweet.” He shrugged and allowed his dance partner to direct him. “But what about you?”

Bucky glanced up with his doe-eyes again and Sam felt himself lose a bit of air. “I mean, you and Steve....” He trailed off, not knowing how to go on about their history. “You were like brothers.” but maybe he did.

Bucky faltered for the first time and nearly missed a step. “He’ll always be my brother. But Steve and I...” he swallowed. “We haven’t really been the same since the forties, man. I feel like we lost each other more than just a few times and this....” He paused. “Can’t say it doesn’t hurt. I feel like we barely had time to reconnect but I don’t know if it would’ve been what Steve wanted anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, Steve remembers ‘Bucky’ in this specific way and I-” He stopped, looking as if he was willing himself to not get emotional. “I’m just not the same. Maybe I can get there again and maybe that’s why he invited me to go with him but-”

“Hold up, he asked you to go with him?” Sam took a step back and let go of Bucky’s hand.

He took no offense to this and instead softly re-approached as he began to answer. “He did. I knew what he was going to do-” Bucky nodded.

“Why the hell didn’t you go with him?”

Sam sounded so genuinely shocked that Bucky almost stepped back that time. He raised his brow and rubbed his thumb against Sam’s open palm. “I'd just end up being a man out of my time again.” He shrugged and continued before Sam could ask what he meant. “I...” He rolled his lips together and started letting his eyes wander the club again, absentmindedly playing with Sam’s hand. Their fingers interlocked and then loosely fell apart over and over, skin brushing together so lightly that it tingled. “I don’t belong there, not anymore. It’s nice to romanticize it sometimes but...” He looked a little pained as he spoke. “It’s far from the paradise that...-well, I just don’t see it the way Steve does.”

Sam steadied their hands and firmly locked them again.

“Wanna go for another spin, darlin’?” Bucky asked with a tiny curl of his lip and Sam let himself be turned again. When their eyes returned to each other, Sam could see something giddy about his partner’s next expression. He was looking at him with the some kind of...relief? “Back then, I knew that I could never live my life the way I wanted to. I had to come to terms with the fact that If I lived past the war, I might have to settle down with a dame even if that’s not what I wanted.”

Sam felt like he hadn’t talked in ages but he was too busy hanging on each word. Bucky was opening up and that almost never happened.

“I remember nights when I’d sit up in bed and think to myself, ‘I can’t do this’ and I would just wish to wake up in a world where I would be accepted...” Bucky suddenly wiped the sadness from his face and gestured vaguely into the air around them. “And wouldn’t you know it? In the most fucked up way possible, I sort of got that wish, huh? I know there’s still problems in this time too but...do you know how badly I just wanted to take a fella out dancing?-”

Bucky did a fancy little move and they swayed calmly about the floor.

“So no, I didn’t wanna go with Steve.” Bucky shook his head. “He owed someone a dance but...” Bucky looked pensive and nearing shy as he subtly dipped Sam just the tiniest bit. “All my dances were waiting for me in a new time.”

He couldn’t help himself. “Holy shit, that was smooth.” Sam blurted and Bucky rolled his eyes. “And I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you talk so much.” He gently bumped Bucky when the opportunity came.

“Plus, I couldn’t leave my best guy behind.” He softly fumbled his hand out of his grip again to curl his finger under Sam’s chin and lift his gaze once more.

“Fuck, man.” Sam felt the warm laughter bubble up from his stomach. “Are you aware of what you’re doing to me right now?”

Bucky stepped back and Sam followed in-step. “Hey, I’m just...being myself.” He smiled, smug yet there was a fragile kind of insecurity there. Perhaps second guessing. “You wanna fall all over me because of it...I can’t very well stop ya, can I, Doll?” Bucky reeled Sam in even closer.

“Ooooh, you’re such a player.” Sam clicked his tongue. “This how you made all those girls feel special back in the day?” He may not have found actual interest in them, but Steve had told Sam countless times that Bucky had been a major charmer with the girls. It came naturally.

“Never knew I’d find someone who was as special as you are.”

"Alright, knock it off.” Sam playfully smacked his arm and took in the sound of Bucky’s hysterical laughter. He meant it. Every damn word. And Sam felt that but that didn’t mean he couldn't make fun of him a little. “You sound like such an asshole.”

They were too busy laughing their asses off to notice that they’d gained quite bit of attention. It would’ve been odd not to, considering they were slow dancing to every fast pop song the club dished out.

The people around them watched with a mixture of amusement and confusion.

“Let’s throw in a tune for those two dudes with the old souls in the corner, huh?” The owner chuckled as he came round the corner of the bar and cleared some of the empty glasses. He was sure they could spare three minutes for them.

Bucky was in the middle of correcting Sam’s foot-work when he noticed the song fading in slowly and magically. In his excitement, he slapped Sam hard on the arm and pointed to the ceiling as if it were to thank for the song change. “I can actually dance to this song!” and he rushed to position them for a different kind of slow dance. Sam hoped he’d get to keep seeing his friend that happy because it was truly...

“Unforgettable. That's what you are, Unforgettable. Tho' near or far....”

“Best version of this song, by far.” Sam found himself taking the time to educate Bucky some more. “Nat King Cole...1952′, I believe was the year. Don’t quote me on that.” He enjoyed the way Bucky took his next breath against his neck and mumbled into it when he spoke.

“I love it.” He nuzzled closer but did not let up on leading the dance. Sam wasn’t used to stepping down into this role but Bucky brought out that softer side in him, apparently.

“That's why, darling, it's incredible That someone so unforgettable Thinks that I am Unforgettable, too...”

“Take your time. Don’t rush the steps, Sweetheart.” Bucky mumbled against his skin but he really felt that he barely needed any guidance now. Sam was really taking to this dance. Bucky could genuinely just about float away, he’d never been in such peace before.

“Shut-up, you know I’m the best dance partner that you’ve ever had.” Sam rolled his eyes and Bucky broke his own perfect positioning to crumble a bit with laughter. Legs turning to jelly as Sam had to bend his knees to support him.

“You believe what you want to, Sam.” He chuckled and hooked his arms around Sam’s neck, moving from an actual dance style to pure scattered swaying while he held on tightly.

Sam figured he could do the same, holding him at the waist. Without warning, Bucky slowly glided his hands down to Sam’s cheeks and kissed him. Only pulling away to glance around the bar with that wide smile that was starting to appear a lot more often.

“Damn. I don’t think I’ll get used to that.” Bucky narrowed his eyes and scrunched his eyes happily.

“What?”

“I just kissed you...in public!” Bucky tilted his head back to smile at the ceiling again. “I didn’t think that’d ever be possible in my lifetime. But here...” He sounded so incredibly relaxed and relieved. He pulled Sam in again and they kissed for a solid thirty seconds. “Nobody gave us a second look.” He trailed off with breathy laughter and it was the most adorable thing Sam had ever seen, though Bucky was thinking the same thing about Sam’s smile.

He kissed him again.

and again.

Sam eventually had to pull away and hope his laughter wasn’t offensive. But truly, Bucky was just being too purely cute for someone who used to be an assassin.

“Sorry, sorry.” He laughed. “I just can’t believe it.” He shrugged and Sam guided Bucky away from the dance-floor just as their song faded away.

“I’m gonna get us some drinks, sit tight.” Sam rolled his eyes playfully and left the man in a vacant booth. He took some passing glances back at him though because he knew all too well that the man was still not too comfortable in such public and social places alone. So Sam didn’t take his time, instead he took the drinks as quick as possible and set off once more.

“Tell me more about how you feel.” Bucky didn’t even humor him by phrasing it as a question.

“About you? Cause I tell ya buddy, just because we made-out that doesn't mean I’ll be all nice. I might bully you.”

“You know what I mean, Sam.” Bucky kicked him from under the table and gave him a stern look.

Sam kicked him right back but took a deep breath. “Honestly, I’m just tired. I thought we could just relax tonight. Wasn’t hoping to talk about all this shit yet.” He rubbed his palm down his face and took a drink.

“That’s the point, yeah.” Bucky looked back at the dancers. “I thought we could just forget everything and dance but...” he got a mischievous look on his face, scrunching his nose again. “Somethin’ tells me that you wanna talk about it, no matter what you say. Plus, I know you’re killing yourself right now. Overthinking and all that jazz.”

Sam couldn’t really argue that. “I miss my friends, man.” He shrugged. Simple as that. “And...that shield’s in my car.” He shook his head, sipping his drink again while Bucky stayed sternly silent. “Doesn’t feel like mine.” He tried to believe Steve when he insisted that it was his but...

“You earned it, Sam. Stop being such a drama queen.” He teased and Sam felt moment’s comfort.

“I’m not stealing your job, don’t worry.” Sam rolled his eyes again and Bucky grinned, fully aware that he was the real drama queen in this friendship. “This is just a lot to take in. A whole new realm of responsibilities and image.” He tapped his hand against his glass. “Some people aren’t going to love that I’m the new Cap-”

“Does that scare you?” Bucky tilted his head.

"Nah, I don’t really give a shit about that.” Sam laughed, shoulders shaking. “Objectively, I know I’ll be a damn fine Captain America.” He chuckled with a far off look and Bucky offered him a supportive smile as he tapped their glasses together. “It’s just a lot of change, you know?” He swallowed, trying not to think about all the new responsibilities on the horizon.

“I’ll be with you the whole way, Sweetheart.” Bucky reached over the table and lightly slapped Sam’s cheek.

“You gonna join me on the superhero business?” Sam asked after shoving him away, genuinely curious. Bucky never really had a choice in the matter before, he always had to fight.

The man stiffened for a few seconds, twirling his finger around his drink and suddenly missing ‘Unforgettable’ as another song blared. “We’ll have to see, won’t we?”

“That’s ominous, Bucky.”

He shrugged, looking incredibly antsy all of the sudden. Sam pushed his drink aside and laid his chin on his open palm, taking in a new breath of air that went straight to his head. “You done for the night?” He asked, feeling like he knew the answer. His friend suddenly grew quiet and that usually meant Bucky had closed in on himself. He could only handle so much from a social outing before he stopped finding joy or comfort in it. At least, that’s where he’d left off since Sam had last seen him before they all turned to dust five years ago. Though he assumed nothing changed.

Bucky looked away from him and back to the dance-floor. “I don’t want to be but...” He shrugged. Finding it hard to translate whatever the hell he was feeling even if he knew Sam would understand.

“No shame in deciding you’ve had enough.” Sam scooted from the booth and stuck out his hand. Bucky looked pleased with the gesture and gladly reached out for it, quickly hanging himself closer by clasping his metal hand over their grip as well.

They strolled back outside, guided by the lovely choice in decoration the bar had. Which was just bunches of string-lights thrown into their bushes. They were tiny yellow toned bulbs that stuck out intensely between the green leaves and looked...cheesy. But it was nice. Sam pulled their grip closer to his chest and Bucky let himself be moved as their hands raised.

They silently walked down the sidewalk towards the car which sat lonesome in the lot while moon-beams bounced off the hood. The moon hung above them and twinkled like the stars, neither of them felt the need to talk about what should be the topic of conversation. The night was too perfect for that.

“- That's why, darling, it's incredible That someone so unforgettable Thinks that I am Unforgettable, too...”

“You’re a terrible singer, Sam.” He wasn’t. And it was painfully obvious by the way Bucky grinned.

Sam kept at it until he graduated to a more leisure sort of whistle. He held a tune astoundingly well and it transcended into the night air. It only faltered when Bucky playfully shoved him off the curb.

It had been a tough day, no question about that. But a wonderful night.

#yeah?#sambucky #send me asks to tell me your thoughts!?#marvel #the avengers #sam wilson #bucky barnes #avengers endgame #infinity war #my fanfiction

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