#neil took andrews cigarette so andrew took neils out of his mouth

[crunchy-rocc]

[otdiaftg]

The King's Men - Chapter Three

Day: Friday, January 5th Time: 11:25 PM EST

He took the tray with unsteady hands and brought it back to the table. He wanted to send Kevin away, but Andrew would never let him get far without a guard. Luckily Kevin couldn't speak a word of German. Neil sat sideways in his chair, facing Andrew, and said, "Why does Roland think you're tying me down?" Andrew hesitated with his glass halfway to his mouth. He glanced down at Neil's hands where they were clenched on the edge of the seat between his knees. Neil didn't look to see if the angry lines were showing again. He couldn't take his eyes off Andrew's face. At length Andrew put his full shot back on the tray. He didn't let go of it completely but tapped his fingers on the rim in an uneven beat. It seemed an eternity before he finally dragged his stare up from Neil's hands to his face. "Presumably he thinks you're as bad at following directions as he is," Andrew said. "Roland knows I don't like being touched." "That doesn't answer my question." "It is the answer," Andrew said. "Rephrase the question if you don't like it." "I want to play another round," Neil said. "What's outside Coach's pay grade?" Andrew shifted in his seat to face Neil and propped his elbow on the back of his chair. He cradled his face in his hand and considered Neil. He didn't look at all bothered by the sudden interrogation but that calm did nothing to ease the gnawing in Neil's stomach. "When Coach signed us, he promised to stay out of our personal problems. He said the board paid him to be our coach, nothing more and nothing less." That answer wasn't much better. Neil wasn't sure he should keep pushing, but if he didn't get the truth now he knew he never would. "I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?" "Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." The world tilted a little bit sideways. Neil dug his shoes harder into the floor so he wouldn't fall over. "You like me." "I hate you," Andrew corrected him, but Neil barely heard him. For a dizzying moment, he understood. He remembered Andrew's hand over his mouth in Exites as he backed out of their conversation. He thought of Andrew yielding to his prodding and holding him up when Neil needed him most. Andrew had called him interesting and dangerous and had given him keys to his house and car. He'd trusted Neil with Kevin because Kevin was important to both of them and he knew Neil wouldn't let him down. Neil tried to piece it all together, but the more he pushed, the faster it fell apart. It didn't make sense. He didn't know what he was supposed to think. It could be a lie, but Neil knew it wasn't. Andrew was a lot of unpleasant things, but a pathological liar wasn't one of them. Honesty suited Andrew because he was an instigator at heart and his opinions were often unpopular. It took Neil three tries to find his voice. "You never said anything." "Why should I have?" Andrew lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Nothing will come of it." "Nothing," Neil echoed. "I am self-destructive, not stupid," Andrew said. "I know better." There was nothing Neil could say except, "Okay," but it didn't sound okay and he didn't feel okay. What was Neil supposed to do with a truth like this? He was going to be dead in four months, five if he was lucky. He wasn't supposed to be this for anyone, Andrew least of all. Andrew said all year long—had said it to Neil's face just this week—that he didn't want anything. Neil shouldn't be the exception to that rule. Andrew downed his shot and dropped the glass carelessly back on the tray. He pried his cigarette pack out of his back pocket on his way to his feet and flicked it open to check the contents. Neil should let him leave unchallenged, but he said, "It's your turn." Andrew shook a stick into his hand and propped it between his lips. The pack was safely tucked away again before he looked at Neil. "I do not have to take it now."

Art used with permission by smokesontheroof. Thank you @smokesontheroof!

[andrewsleftknee]

"he'll come back"

Neil goes for a run in the middle of the night and isn't back when Andrew wakes up.

----

Neil usually left for his morning runs before Andrew was awake. Neil woke Andrew up when he’d get of bed, but he’d brush Andrew’s hair from his eyes, kiss his forehead, and whisper for him to go back to sleep. Andrew would murmur something about how Neil should stay in bed with him, but fell asleep again before Neil was out the door.

he was never usually gone for more than forty-five minutes, and got back in time for him and Andrew to make coffee together before rinsing off and going to class. 

one morning Andrew noticed it was still dark when Neil was going for his run, he asked him why he was going so early, and Neil just urged him to go back to bed. Andrew was too tired to argue with him, so he held his arms up in a silent ask for Neil to lean down to give him a kiss. when Neil got what he was asking for and gave him a kiss, Andrew fell asleep almost immediately. 

it was the weekend, so Andrew didn’t wake up until he heard Robin get up around 9:30. he noticed that he didn’t hear Neil come back to the dorm and when he got up he saw that Neil wasn’t in the living room. he tried not to worry, but he didn’t know exactly how long Neil had been out. it was definatly longer than he usually was. Andrew’s guess was at least three hours. he texted Neil to ask where he was, and he didn’t hear his phone go off, so at least he had his phone with him. that made Andrew calm down a little bit. Neil would call him if he needed help. he had before, and now wasn’t different.

he walked over to make his coffee alone, and grab a granola bar to eat while he watched whatever Robin had left on the tv. he hadn’t gotten a response by ten, so he decided to call Wymack.

“i think your vice-captain is dead,” Andrew said.

“what the fuck? hello to you, too. where is he?” Wymack asked

“hell if i know. i’m assuming you don’t either, so bye.” Andrew hung up the call.

Robin emerged from their kitchenette with a concerned look on her face. her and Andrew held eye contact for almost a minute before Andrew told her that Neil hadn’t come back yet.

“he does that sometimes. he’ll be okay,” she assured him.

“doesn’t make it any less scary,” Andrew replied. he and Robin got along. he liked her. they didn’t really talk about their problems together, but Andrew somewhat trusted her with smaller things. “Baltimore messed us all up. we almost didn’t get him back then.”

“right,” she said. she raised her hand so it was hovering above his shoulder. she picked it up from Neil when she learned that Andrew didn’t like being touched. he shook his head. he didn’t want any one to touch him when he was anxious. he only ever let Neil. Robin nodded. “i’m always here, if that means anything.”

Andrew got up, grabbed his pack of cigarettes from his bedside table, and went to sit on the roof. he hoped he might see Neil running back, but knew he probably wouldn’t.

he didn’t know how long he had been up there when his phone started to ring with the familiar sound of Neil’s ringtone. he tried not to freak out when he answered the call, letting it sit silent until Neil spoke first.

“i need you to come get me,” Neil said after a moment.

Andrew let out a shaky breath. “where?” he asked. 

“i don’t know. i ran until i couldn’t,” he replied.

“describe it to me.” and he did. after a few minutes, Andrew thought he knew where Neil was. it was around thirty minutes off campus. Neil explained that he ran around campus until his brain told him he needed to get away. he said that he didn’t make it too long before his legs couldn’t go anymore.

Andrew drove to get Neil. he was still in what he fell asleep in the previous night. he put the sleeve of the white hoodie to his nose. it smelled like Neil. he took it from him when they were watching a movie on the couch and Andrew got cold. the smell kept him calm for the drive to Neil.

when he got there, Neil was sitting on the side of the road. his knee was bleeding, and his hair stuck to his forehead. his eyes were closed, but when he heard Andrew’s car door open, he opened his eyes to see Andrew walking over to him. the sight made him want to cry. when he crouched down beside Neil, he put his hand on the back of his neck, and pulled Neil so his head was against his chest. Neil felt safe.

Andrew gave him a minute before helping him up and to the passengers side of his car. they drove ten minutes before either of them spoke.

“i’m sorry,” Neil said to break the silence.

“don’t. not right now.”

“are you mad?” he asked. Andrew looked over at Neil, who was already looking in his direction. Neil knew by the expression on Andrew’s face that he wasn’t. Andrew saw that when he felt Neil’s energy slip. it was like he finally let himself be tired. his back relaxed against the car seat, and his hands loosened from the almost-fists they formed in his lap.

“i’m not mad,” he confirmed. “i know you can’t help it sometimes.”

“i’m trying to be more open about it when the thoughts happen, but it,” he started. Andrew reached over and put his hand over Neil’s mouth to get him to stop talking.

“not right now. lets just go home.” Neil nodded in response.

when they got back the dorm was empty. he assumed Robin got Kevin out when Andrew left campus. Andrew walked them to the bathroom, helping Neil undress before turning the shower on and making sure it wasn’t too hot. he himself undressed, and joined Neil in the shower. they made it quick, and Neil was already trying to keep himself awake as Andrew dried his hair and covered the scrape on his knee.

they got into bed together. Neil had tried to talk about what happened, but Andrew stopped him, telling him that they could talk when Neil wasn’t so tired. Neil accepted that, and fell asleep with his head on Andrew’s chest.

Andrew didn’t mean to fall asleep, but his hand stopped trailing Neil’s spine, the tension in his body eased, and he dreamed of him and Neil on the roof.

Robin’s phone rung later that afternoon. she had went back to the dorm to get something for lunch, but Kevin was still out. he had said something about hanging out with Matt. she didn’t really pay attention.

“hey, Coach. didn’t expect to hear your voice on my off day. what do you want?”

“why isn’t Minyard answering his phone?”

“which one?” she asked with a smile. she liked to push Wymack’s limits like most of the Foxes did. she knew he meant Andrew, and she knew what it was about, but she decided to test him anyway.

“not right now. tell him to answer my calls.”

“he’s sleeping,” she sighed, a little upset that Wymack ruined her fun so soon.

“it’s past noon. wake him up.”

“i don’t have a death wish, Coach. Neil is fine. Andrew has him. can i go now? bye!” she hung up the call before Wymack could give her an answer, but seeing as he didn’t try and call her again, she guessed that’s all Wymack needed her for. 

she got up from where she sat on the couch and went to the bedroom. she knew she didn’t have to check in on them, but she still does anyway. she sees Andrew and Neil as cuddled together as they ever get, and smiled to herself. she slowly closed the door behind her to try and not wake them.

[aftgficrec]

Hi! Thank you for taking the time to do this, can I you recommend fanfics where Andrew had a better childhood that in canon? Finished works if possible, tysm

I’ve gone through previous asks for Andrew with a better childhood and softer high school aus and pulled out completed fics for you, plus found some new to our blog. In some of these Andrew has been adopted by Nicky or Bee and his past is not referenced. -A

previous recs - kid fics:

‘The Kids Are Alright (Now)’ here (3 complete works + updating extras)

‘the glow in our mouths,’ ‘i will bring you rings of gold,’ ‘the color of a sunburn,’ and ‘Worth It’ here

‘I just had a growth spurt…’ here (some references to Aaron’s past)

‘Neil In An Alternate Universe’ here

‘Amity’ here

previous recs - high school:

the new recs in soft high school aus

the new recs in high school crushes

oblivious andreil

‘I hate every inch of you.’ (complete), ‘High School Science’ series, and ‘Mix & Match’ here

‘Andrew Minyard…does not have a crush’ and ‘If I Tried’ here

‘Pieces of Ideas for Works’ and ‘The Photo Strip Predicament’ here

‘I Found Love Where It Wasn’t Supposed to Be’ here

‘Light my cigarette’ here

‘Too Gay to Function’ here

‘Meeting Finally,’ ‘I Just Want You,’ ‘winter, formal,’ ‘inexperienced,’ and ‘Double Scoop’ here

‘Treacherous’ here

‘Sailor,’ and ‘turn around, bright eyes’ here

‘thursday, never looking back’ here

‘i’m in love (and you’ve got me, runaway)’ here

‘i’d cheer for u n me (boom, clap)’ here

‘growing pains’ here

‘How to Lose an Enemy in 10 Steps’ here

‘Free cigarettes’ and ‘The New Normal’ (complete) here

‘I hate the way I don’t hate you’ here

‘lock away that winter of mine’ here

how to tell if you *like* like someone by Artificiosus [Rated G, 1242 Words, Complete, 2021]

“I like you, but I don’t just like you, I *like* like you”

“You *like* like me?”

Andrew and Neil are six years old and best friends when Andrew decides to tell Neil he likes him at recess.

take my hand by clarcmontdiaz [Rated G, 911 Words, Complete, 2020]

Andrew is Neil's only friend. Neil is Andrew's only friend. They complete each other, they don't need anyone else.

get what you give by taizi [Rated T, 1823 words, complete, 2019]

Nicky is crouched in front of him before he makes any conscious decision to move, cupping the little boy’s chin in one careful hand.

It took almost a year to get here, but Neil doesn’t flinch when his hand moves. He leans into the touch, eyes electric blue and stricken. He says, “It was my fault, not Andrew’s. No one will listen to me. Will you tell them?”

The vice principal is stepping out from behind the counter to meet him, but Nicky doesn’t get up right away. He faces her, so Neil doesn’t catch so much as the corner of his scowl, and says, “You told me they weren’t hurt.”

“Your boys are fine, Mr. Hemmick. Neil is—“

“I’m his emergency contact,” Nicky bites out. “You call me.”

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced bullying

Growing up with you series <3 by Kami_cullen [Rated G, Series, Updated March 2020]

part 1: Andrew and Neil's first playdate  [3293 Words, Complete, 2019]

Andrew is 6 and has been living with Bee and Phil for a year, this afternoon his friend Neil and his new parents (Abby and David) are coming to his house for a play

date. This is the first part of a series where we'll see the boys grow up being best friends and being there for each other <3

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

part 2: Neil's first injury and Andrew's first deal [5870 Words, Complete 2020]

Andrew is ten and he just wants Exy practice to be over so he can have ice cream with his best friend Neil but what happens when Riko tries to injure his friend?... well Andrew makes his first deal and Neil gets his first Exy injury

When It All Feels So Big by notsomagicath [Rated T, 3851 Words Complete 2020]

“Remember,” Bee reminds them as they approach their neighbor’s house, “Abby and David adopted Neil only a month ago, so this is his first time meeting some new friends. He’s only a year younger than you. Be nice, okay? And don’t push too much if he’s shy. If you don’t know if he’ll be okay with a hug or something like that, just ask him yes or no first.”

“Okay,” the twins chorus back, before sprinting towards the door in hopes of pressing the doorbell first.

(Aaron wins, but it’s a close thing.)

“Well hello, kiddos!” Abby answers the door with a grin. “David! Kevin! Neil! The Dobsons are here!”

Art

Andreil as kids art by @requiemofkings

baby twinyards in cat hoodies art by @flowersalad

baby Andrew and baby Aaron in animal onesies art by @flightyfoxart

Andreil meeting as kids art by @frisslimbim

[imperfectcourt]

Andreil Prompt:

Neil is an Assassin. Some day something goes very, very wrong. So the first time Andrew meets Neil, Neil has to explain to him that he accidentally poisened him and Andrew has to go to the hospital to get the antidote.

So I was really unsure about this but when I got going I got really excited about it! But I also COMPLETELY MISSED the line where it said "the first time" so this is very much not the first time they meet ;__; sorry! I hope you like it though!

Neil had never panicked on a job before. He’d never made a mistake or killed the wrong person or not killed the right person. He could kill whoever he was told to kill, he could kill however he was told to kill, and he could be whoever he was told to be in order to do it.

Killing Andrew Minyard was the worst and last mistake Neil would ever make.

Worming his way into A. Minyard’s life hadn’t been easy but it had been natural- the most honest work of his filthy, bloody life.

It had to be this way. It couldn’t look like a typical mob hit, anything abrupt and easy would look suspicious. The call had to come from inside the house, or so they say.

Neil tipped the vial into the remnants of the whiskey bottle and poured two modest glasses. It wouldn’t be pleasant for him but he’d built up enough of a tolerance to survive. Odorless, collarless, no paper trail. He’d suffer some hallucinations and maybe some minor liver damage but he’d live and after tonight he’d be free. No more Moriyama’s. No more contracts. No more death.

No more Andrew.

Neil brought one glass up to swirl, smell, sniff, and sip. A perfectly normal glass of whiskey. He brought out onto the small balcony and put them on the rickety table between two lawn chairs. Andrew picked his up and didn’t make the small cheers motion he always did as a silent thanks, didn’t drink. He’d been staring at his closed phone for the last half hour. Neil knew he would say what was wrong in time (if there was time).

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said after several long minutes, punctuating the statement with a sip. Guess there was time, after all. Neil sat sideways on his chair so he could watch Andrew light a cigarette.

“That sounds ominous. You’re not a murderer are you?”

Andrew’s top lip curled in a small, vicious smile. “That’s a truth for a different day.”

No, it wasn’t, and Neil found himself reaching for another mouthful of whiskey. Andrew raised a brow at this, having caught on a while ago that Neil liked to draw the drink out as long as possible if it meant he didn’t have to go home yet.

“It’s nothing to form a drinking habit over, calm down.” Andrew took up his drink again and every sip he took felt like friendly fire. “You’re going to see something on the news tomorrow and I’d rather tell you myself than get pissy with me for not bringing it up sooner.”

“Secrets secrets are no fun,” Neil parroted. Andrew kicked out his socked foot to hit Neil’s heel and didn’t pull it back.

“A story will be dropping about my brother’s involvement in a gang bust tonight. Just got word that everything went well but his services had been needed on sight.” With the hand that held the cigarette, he gave his cellphone a little shake.

“You have a brother?” That hadn’t been in the assignment, but family matters were often left out for jobs like this. He couldn’t go in knowing too much and risk exposing himself.

“My twin.”

“You have a twin?”

Andrew threw back the rest of his drink and waved it at Neil’s face. “The only reason I’m telling you is because you’re going to see him parading around on t.v. with my face. We’re not that close.”

A gang bust. Big enough for national news. That couldn’t- that would mean-

“What’s his name?”

“Aaron.”

“A. Minyard. Doctor Aaron Minyard.”

Andrew froze. Looked at Neil so expressionless he might as well have been stone. “I never said he was a doctor.”

He didn’t have to. Dr. A Minyard. Fox affiliated attached to a photograph. Andrew had his PhD and his connection to Kevin Day was easy enough to find if you knew where to look. The Foxes were an elusive bunch of vigilantes but everyone had heard of Kevin Day, son of the founders of the Foxes.

Neil had never made a mistake before and killing Andrew Minyard was the biggest mistake of his life. He knocked the glass from Andrew’s hand only because Andrew let him.

“Now, right now,” he changed, grabbing Andrew by the sleeve and tugging him back inside. It only worked because Andrew let him. Andrew was always letting Neil, trusting Neil. And for what? For this?

Neil let go when he was sure Andrew would follow him and rushed to the tiny kitchen. He took the water glass by the sink and upended the entire salt shaker into it.

“Drink this right now,” he ordered Andrew.

Andrew did not take it.

“Andrew, trust me just one last time. Just this one last time trust me and drink this. Just this once. Just this one last time.” There was time. There was barely time. It had been less than a minute, there had to be time.

Neil didn’t know what he would do if Andrew didn’t drink, if Neil killed him for nothing. No matter what the outcome, no matter Andrew's decision, Neil would die either way.

Andrew took the salt water, drank the whole thing, and promptly threw up in the sink.

Neil watched, hands in his hair and tears clouding his eyes as Andrew righted himself, wiping at his mouth with the back of his wrist.

“That’ll give you time to get to the hospital. You have to go now, you’ve got time.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Andrew put his hand slowly, calmly, over Neil’s throat, “until you explain.”

He pressed him into the wall.

Neil let him.

“You were supposed to be my last one and my contract would be fulfilled,” he said.

“Explain better than that. What does this have to do with Aaron?”

“There’s no time-”

“Then make it quick.” He pressed against Neil’s throat and Neil’s hands came up instinctively to grab his arm. He stopped before making contact.

“I was born into a debt that the Moriyama’s own. I was one of their hit men. A. Minyard. Fox associate. And a picture. That was my last assignment and I could finally… I could…”

Words were getting harder. He had begun ingesting the poison before Andrew and hadn’t gotten any of it out of his system.

“You’re the only one I never…”

“Never what? Never shot like a coward? Never succeeded in killing?”

“Never wanted to.” His hands came down onto Andrew’s forearm even though he didn’t have permission. His vision was swimming around the edges and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the drug or the pressure on his trachea. “I didn’t want to kill you. H-hospital. You still need the hospital. You have time.”

“Why should I believe a single thing you say?”

“I’ve never lied to you.” It was so important for him to say that somehow the words came out with conviction. “Never lied. Andrew, you’re amazing and I love you but you need to leave right now.”

His knees gave out and for the briefest moment all of his weight was being held by the hand on his throat. Andrew lowered them both to the ground.

“What did- You idiot.” Ah, yes. He must have caught on. “You did all this to live only to fucking kill yourself? Neil. Neil… Neil!”

Neil had never panicked on a job, but he’d also never woken up in a hospital bed before. He was aware of the spike in noise before he was aware of his surroundings.

“The worst assassin in history.”

Neil groaned but didn’t yet open his eyes. His memory was just solid enough to know what he’d taken and experience told him he wasn’t ready to face the spinning world.

“Can’t say he was wrong, technically,” the same voice said.

“What kind of assassin not only chooses the wrong target but falls in love with their dumb ass?”

“This dumb ass has the same level of education as your dumb ass.”

“My dumb ass has a doctorate of medicine, not in books.”

“Literature.”

“Still dumb.”

“Sssh,” Neil breathed out, testing the waters of control and strength. He had very little of either.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the dumbest of asses.”

“Give him another hour and he might even be able to respond.”

“Now who would want that.”

The second time Neil woke up in a hospital, it was enough for him to look around and realize this was not a hospital but rather a medically furnished bedroom.

“I hate you.”

He turned his head to see Andrew slouching back in an overstuffed, wingback chair. The look on his ever-passive face was angry and Neil would take angry over dead any day.

“You made it,” he slurred. His mouth felt like cotton. “You made it,” he said again because it was right and good. “You made it.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m fine. Got a tolerance”

“Is that something they teach you in the bright sunny world of the Nest?”

Neil made a finger gun at Andrew (why?) and slowly, slowly tilted himself onto his side to see him better. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew there were things he needed to worry about, but for now he just wanted to look.

“I’m happy you’re alive.”

“I don’t care.” And he sounded like he didn’t, but that was how he always sounded. Still Andrew. Still him. Still alive. For a long, quiet while they stared at each other.

“I have to go before the Moriyama’s come looking to do clean up. This won’t be tolerated.”

“No. It won’t be. But not by the Moriyama’s.”

Andrew stood in a motion that made him look much older than he was, tired. As he came to stand over the bed, Neil couldn’t help but stare because not killing Andrew Minyard was the only right thing he had ever done.

“The Foxes completed their take down of the Moriyama’s. It’s been all over the news, which you would have seen if you hadn’t poisoned yourself.”

The… the what? Something must have shown on Neil’s face because Andrew pressed him down into the bed a split second before he’d tried to sit up. As consciousness cleared his fog, his brain began catching up enough to understand that he wasn’t understanding. The synapses were there but they weren’t connecting.

“I don’t understand,” he whispered. Andrew’s mask twitched.

“Of course you don’t, you’ve been too deep cover to keep up with what was right under your nose. The Foxes won, there are no more Ravens, and you, Nathaniel, are a free man.”

The sound of that name, his name, sent a flinch so hard through his body that it made something cramp in his stomach. Andrew watched, bored, as he curled in on himself. If he knew that name, if his cover was blown so spectacularly, then there must be an ounce of truth to it.

“I’m just… Neil. I just want to be Neil.”

“Well, Neil.” Andrew slid his hand into Neil’s hair and squeezed, not hard but enough to tilt his head back. “If you ever do something that stupid again I will kill you myself.” Something in his eyes, however passive he tried to pull off, told Neil that Andrew was not referring to his own attempted murder.

“Were you… worried about me?” That couldn’t be right.

“I don’t know, Neil.” He kept saying his name like that and Neil didn’t know what to feel about it. “My whatever of a good stretch of time nearly killed himself. How should I be feeling?”

“I nearly killed you. I only poisoned myself a little.”

“Why?”

Why? The easy answer was forensics. Two glasses. Two drinkers. One lucky to survive the ordeal. But that wasn’t all of it. As Neil stared up up at Andrew, here at the other side of it all, he could admit to himself that he was glad for the punishment.

“Because… because I was going to kill you to save my own life and I had never hated myself for anything more than that.”

“I hate you,” Andrew spat.

“As long as you’re alive to hate me it’s fine.”

“Shut up.”

“Tell me more about the take down.”

“No.”

“Is your brother a Fox? Do I have to be killed for knowing that?”

“You have to be killed because you won’t shut your mouth.”

A good stretch of time. That’s how long Neil had been worming his way to be Andrew’s whatever. And in all that time he’d never felt safer. He lifted a shaky hand and waited. It took nearly a minute before Andrew released his hair and took the hand up in his own.

He didn’t apologize for trying to kill him. He didn’t apologize for coming into his life under false pretenses. If Andrew was there now, he trusted Neil enough to understand. They could talk about it later.

“Go back to sleep,” Andrew ordered quietly.

“So I’ll shut up?” Neil whispered back. His eyes were already drifting closed.

“Sure.”

[iammtheluckyone]

andreil/aftg quotes as taylor swift lyrics:

"You are a mess," Andrew said against Neil's lips. "What else is new?"

i'm a mess but i'm the mess that you wanted - dancing with our hands tied

"He didn't want to think about this,didn't want to feel this,so he thought about the Foxes instead. He clung tight to the memory of their unhesitating friendship and their smiles "

and when i got into the accident,the sight that flashed before me was your face - coney island

"Nathaniel,it has been so long."

Neil's fear was hot and thick in his chest. He could barely breathe around it. He prayed his expression didn't give him away even as he knew it was too late. "My name is Neil."

it's been a long time and seeing the shape of your name still spells out pain - closure

Andrew pointed at his mouth as he spoke. "The next time someone comes for you,stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?"

"If it means losing you,then no,"

Neil said.

and i hope i never lose you,hope it never ends - cornelia street

He traced Andrew's key into his skin with a bandaged finger.

"Neil Abram Josten," Neil murmured,and it felt like waking up from a bad dream.

long story short it was a bad time,long story short i survived - long story short

"Andrew, they want to take me away from here. They want to enroll me in the Witness Protection Program so my father's people can't find me. I don't want—" he started, but that wasn't fair. "If you tell me to leave, I'll go." He didn't say it would kill him, but he didn't have to.

how's one to know,i'd live and die for moments that we stole on begged and borrowed time,so tell me to run,or dare to sit and watch what we'll become - ivy

Neil asked, "What would it take?"

Andrew didn't have to think about it. "Show me your scars."

wait for the signal and i'll meet you after dark,show me the places where the others gave you scars - willow

Andrew was waiting for him on the rooftop,usually with a cigarette in one hand and a bottle at his knee. The nights were still cool enough to warrant jackets but Andrew's body heat burned most of the chill away.

is this the end of all the endings?my broken bones are mending with all these nights we're spending,up on the roof with a school girl crush,drinking beer out of plastic cups - king of my heart

He'd hit the end of his rope before he wanted to and he hadn't accomplished everything he'd hoped to this year, but he'd done more with his life than he'd ever thought possible. That had to be enough. He traced the outline of a key into his bloody, burnt palm with a shaky finger, closed his eyes, and wished Neil Josten goodbye.

back when we were still changing for the better wanting was enough for me it was enough to live for the hope of it all -august

"I'm asking you to help us," Neil said. "Will you?" Andrew considered it a moment. "Not for free." "Anything," Neil promised.

and you know damn well for you i would ruin myself a million little times. - illicit affairs

It took Neil three tries to find his voice. "You never said anything." "Why should I have?" Andrew lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Nothing will come of it." "Nothing," Neil echoed. "I am self-destructive, not stupid," Andrew said. "I know better."

and then it fades into the gray of my day-old tea cause it could never be - gold rush

"You are a pipe dream," Andrew said. "Go inside and leave me alone."

i can't dare to dream about you anymore - gold rush

"What are you afraid of?"

"Heights."

i don't like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush - gold rush

"I'm fine," Neil said. "For the record, I don't believe you," Matt said. Neil lifted one shoulder in a tired shrug. "You probably shouldn't believe anything I say."

said i'm fine but it wasn't true,i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you - cruel summer

Better than that bright future was what he already had: a court that would always be home, a family who'd never give up on him, and Andrew, who for once hadn't wasted their time denying that this thing between them might actually mean something to both of them. Neil hadn't even noticed the silence at first, too distracted by his dizzying thoughts. Now he couldn't help but smile and pull Andrew in. This was everything he wanted, everything he needed, and Neil was never letting go.

long story short i survived,now i'm all about you. - long story short <3

[peaceoutofthepieces]

27, 7 and 8! Andriel or Kandriel my love❤️

kandreil my love because it just freaking works

7. “I’m not jealous.”

8. “You’re jealous, aren’t you?”

27. “What’s going on here?”

Kevin wasn’t stupid. He could tell when Andrew and Neil were at odds; it was clear when put in contrast to how in-sync they usually were. They made it obvious, with Andrew going on his drives alone and Neil not following him up to the roof, neither of them wriggling their way into the other’s bed the instant they thought Kevin was asleep. It was clear in the way Neil latched onto Kevin instead. He threw himself into their night practices while Andrew sat silently in the stands, but he also tailed Kevin throughout the day, seeking him out instead of Andrew in any pockets of free time.

He wasn’t stupid, so he could also tell that Andrew was ignoring him, and he knew this must have been why.

But he also wasn’t very brave when it came to them. Which meant he took longer than he should have to do anything about it.

Cornering Andrew wasn’t a smart move—anyone who knew him knew this. Kevin might have been upset with him, and a little bit pissed off, but he didn’t have a death wish. No, he knew Andrew was avoiding Neil more than Kevin. So he’d wait until Neil went off somewhere and simply left him and Andrew in the dorm alone.

It came about much quicker than expected, but that was fine. It was manageable. Kevin was still prepared. He would approach this calmly. He’d be straightforward, and fairly blunt, as was his usual, but he wouldn’t let Andrew rile him, wouldn’t let anything under his skin, as was his usual. He’d be perfectly calm, and perfectly civil.

He sat himself down on the couch, looked at where Andrew was smoking on the desk by the window, and blurted, “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” in a manner too harsh to be civil and too nervous to be demanding.

Andrew looked over at him slowly, brow already arched. “What?”

Kevin took a deep breath. He’d have to run with it now. “You’re jealous, and that’s why you’re mad at me as well.”

“Who’s mad?” Andrew retorted.

“No, you’re not getting away with that. I know when you’re ignoring me, and I know the difference in you having a bad week and you being an ass.”

He clamped his mouth shut as it grew too snappy, but Andrew simply stared at him. It could have passed as bored, if that eyebrow wasn’t arched even higher than before. Kevin swallowed and tried to get onto the track he’d set before his mouth ran away from him. He’d get this out, and he wouldn’t let Andrew ignore him or bully him into thinking he was overreacting. They might have got off on telling him he was a drama queen even more now that he had the tattoo to match, but he was one of few who knew Andrew was worse, and that was enough to remind him he was just in calling the blond out.

“I don’t know why you’re fighting with Neil, but you don’t get to take it out on me,” he said firmly. “Neil’s im—my friend. I won’t apologise for spending time with him because you’re having some sort of hissy fit.”

Andrew’s mouth twitched, but he swiped a hand over it and his expression was blank once more. “You think I’m jealous—” he said slowly, “—because Neil is spending time with you?”

“Yes,” Kevin insisted.

Andrew flicked ash of the side of his cigarette and cocked his head, sweeping his eyes over Kevin in a way that suggested he was amused. “Why?”

Kevin opened his mouth, closed it again. Why what? “Huh?”

“Why would I be jealous—“ oh yes, definitely amused now, “—of your lovely friendship?”

“Because…” Kevin blew out a breath. “I don’t know, Andrew. You’re dramatic. Stop trying to brush me off when I know you’re ignoring me, and it must be because Neil’s coming to me while you two are fighting.”

Andrew considered him. He stubbed out his cigarette on the windowsill and tossed it carelessly over the edge, then pulled the window closed and twisted to face Kevin. His examination made Kevin feel twitchy, but he valiantly kept himself still, and eventually Andrew hummed.

“Not because of your ridiculous crush on him, then?” Andrew said flatly.

Kevin blanched. “My—what?”

Andrew tsked, rolling himself off the desk and strolling over. He planted himself in front of Kevin with an unimpressed look. “You didn’t want me to treat you like an idiot. Return the favour.”

“Andrew, I—“ Kevin trailed off. What could he say? I don’t know what you’re talking about? Andrew would probably pull a knife on him.

Because of course he wasn’t an idiot. Of course he knew. He’d probably known all along.

Kevin was blushing, for heaven’s sake. There was no point in even attempting to lie. The last time he’d lied by omission to Andrew, he was rewarded with hands around his throat.

The reminder made him flinch, and Andrew caught it. He took a step back, eyes flashing as he noticed Kevin’s trembling. “Don’t be ridiculous, Kevin,” he said, a little too sharp for a comment Kevin thought was meant to be comforting.

“I wouldn’t,” Kevin stammered. “I mean, I know that it’s not—I’d never—“

“Christ, stop,” Andrew sighed, flicking a hand in the air as if he could bat Kevin’s nonsense away. “You’re hopeless.”

Kevin, indeed, continued to be hopeless. He was gaping like a fish, nothing but air going in or out. “Andrew,” he simply managed. It sounded pleading.

Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’m not jealous.” Before Kevin could fumble for something to respond with, he added, “And I’m not mad, you imbecile. Clearly I knew. I would have already disposed of you in your sleep if I was going to.”

Kevin made a strangled noise, and Andrew added, “But I’m not,” so Kevin nodded.

“And you won’t…” Kevin’s eyes widened. “Does Neil already—?”

“Neil is less than hopeless,” Andrew said. “If you don’t tell him he’ll never get it. You really should help him along.”

This was too much. Maybe it wasn’t anything at all. Maybe Kevin was dreaming, and this wasn’t happening, and Andrew was plotting his sleepy death right now in the real world. That seemed more likely. There was no way it was possible for Andrew to not only be accepting of Kevin’s affection for his boyfriend, but encouraging.

Then again, Andrew was nothing if not a contrary, defiant little creature.

He seemed amused again in the face of Kevin’s disbelief. “Maybe you are just as bad. If you want me to treat you like you’re smart, you’re going to have to do better than that. Tell me, why do you think Neil and I are ‘fighting’?” he air-quoted.

That made Kevin frown. “He stormed off a moment ago. He has been all week. And you’ve been grumpier than usual, and you aren’t doing any of the usual things together.”

“Pay a lot of attention to that, do you?” Andrew mused, still absolutely toneless. Before Kevin had a chance to defend himself, he continued. “You think it’s my fault.”

This was not a question, which was good, because Kevin would rather not answer. Which, of course, was answer enough.

“You don’t think,” Andrew prodded, “that Josten is having his own little crisis and blaming me, and clinging to you for any specific reason?”

Kevin was gaping again.

Andrew wouldn’t let him have a break. He tacked on, “You haven’t considered that I am not jealous because I also know your pathetic crush extends?” Kevin choked again; Andrew rolled his eyes again. “I am not blind, Kevin.”

“But you don’t…” Kevin couldn’t get the words out. It was ridiculous, because all he had to do was stand up, and he would tower over the other man. But for once, he didn’t feel small and meek because he felt he was in danger. After the work the Baltimore incident had made them put in, Kevin almost felt safer around Andrew than he had before. It very well might have been his affection tainting his opinion, but he didn’t much care. He knew what he was in for—who he was in for, and he knew that they were not safe in any conventional way, but that he was best off with them.

He’d given them his back all over again, and he hadn’t worried about it. His heart was an altogether different matter.

Andrew stepped closer to him again, gazing down at him with the same look he often gave Neil, when he thought the redhead was being particularly dense. “Oh, but I do.”

No. It didn’t count. Kevin hadn’t even finished the thought, so Andrew wasn’t confirming anything. He couldn’t even know what he meant. They were likely on completely different wavelengths.

But Andrew was leaning over Kevin now, bracing a hand on the back of the couch, and all of Kevin’s rational arguments fled as he short-circuited.

“Andrew,” he breathed, going for warning and ending up wavering.

Andrew, predictably, ignored him and leaned closer, his breath brushing Kevin’s face, until the door burst open.

The clatter of Neil’s shoes, and then his keys, was unmistakable, and Kevin felt panic rise in him as the steps drew closer and Andrew still didn’t move. He simply looked over Kevin’s head as the footsteps stopped abruptly.

Kevin squeezed his eyes shut.

“What’s going on here?” Neil asked. Then, harder, “Leave him alone, Drew.”

It was utterly backwards. Kevin was at fault here, even if Andrew was the one still leaning in. Neil should have been throttling him, like Andrew should have done already. Instead he was defending Kevin against Andrew, but still using the man’s shortened name as an endearment, measuring the middle ground effortlessly. Even if he was incredibly off target.

Andrew simply rolled his eyes at him. “I’m not threatening him, idiot.”

A beat of silence. “Then what are you doing?”

“Not sure yet.” Andrew’s gaze flickered down to Kevin again, and he seemed much closer than before. Kevin swallowed; Andrew smirked. “Kevin seems to like it, though.”

“Andrew,” Neil bit, a warning and a question.

Andrew gripped Kevin’s chin between thumb and finger, and dragged his head around to face Neil. “Look.” Andrew’s thumb tapped his bottom lip, and his breath hitched. Andrew raised a brow. “What does it look like to you?”

Kevin looked at Neil for the first time in this dream (nightmare? Who knew where it was leading) and found himself breathless for another reason.

It was a recent development, and it wasn’t. Kevin had always known Andrew was attractive, had always appreciated Andrew’s talent, had always confusingly, blindly desired Andrew’s presence. He had always admired Neil’s fire, had always known he was capable of great things, had always held him in a place in his heart he hadn’t realised had been occupied since they were children. He hadn’t thought about kissing them until recently. Or at least, he hadn’t realised he wanted to.

Now, seeing that exact fire in Neil’s eyes at Kevin’s defense, as well as his horrendously worn t-shirt and disgustingly bright shorts crinkled and sweaty from his run, Kevin knew he wanted to kiss him, and he knew it wasn’t a surface thing.

And Andrew knew it just as well, smug bastard that he was.

Neil only needed a moment of looking at him to say, very eloquently, “Oh.”

Andrew snorted. “Finally come to terms with it, have you?”

Neil glared at him, but Kevin couldn’t have been mistaking the blush creeping into his cheeks. Neil’s smile was slow as he looked back at him, and somewhat shy, and Andrew heaved another sigh and moved away to plop himself down on a beanbag. It meant Neil was watching him instead, and the odd, crazy crevice of hope that had been opening in Kevin started to cave, and then Andrew was waving Neil at him impatiently.

“Well?” he prompted.

Looking between them, Neil hesitated. He settled on Andrew long enough to ask, “Did you…?”

Andrew wordlessly shook his head.

“But, I can?”

Andrew raised a brow. “Ask him.”

Kevin was lost. But Neil was turning to him, and Kevin would always pay attention to Neil, no matter how begrudgingly. So he was listening very intently when Neil simply asked, “Kev, do you want me to kiss you?”

This elicited a noise that may have seemed tortured, and Neil took a step back, eyes widening. He shot Andrew a betrayed look, and the silent communication that passed between them was lost on Kevin, who was sure this had gone beyond a dream into a blackout-induced fantasy. He must have fallen dramatically off the wagon, and now he was completely out of it and his brain was running away on its own as a misplaced attempt at comfort.

Then Neil corrected himself. “Wait. Can I kiss you? Because—I think I’d like to.”

Andrew was right. Kevin was blind, and an imbecile, and worse than hopeless, and he could do nothing but give a jerky nod.

Neil’s face lit up, and then determination was mingling with his apprehension and his face was an inch away from Kevin’s and Kevin was demanding, “You think you’d like to?”

Neil jerked back.

“Fucking idiots,” Andrew grumbled. “Yes or no, Kevin.”

“Well, yes—“

Neil kissed him, and Kevin could not have dreamt this. No matter how much alcohol-aided imagination he had, the soft touch of Neil’s lips compared to the rough texture of his hand against Kevin’s cheek was too heavenly to be magicked-up. It was heart-wrenchingly real. Andrew’s eyes on them was just as heavy of a weight.

Kevin was only beginning to get the hang of himself and reciprocate whole-heartedly when Neil pulled back. His blue eyes were dark as he roamed them appreciatively over Kevin’s stricken face, and then he glanced at Andrew.

Looking for approval, Kevin realised, and followed suit.

All amusement was wiped from Andrew’s face. His eyes were just as dark as Neil’s and even more intense as he watched them, and in combination with Neil’s touch it stirred something low in Kevin’s gut. He pinched his own thigh discreetly and his blood thrummed at the nip of pain.

“I might,” Andrew said, dragging his gaze slowly to Kevin’s face, “be a bit jealous.” He used a foot to nudge Neil, who simply huffed, out of the way, and then he hooked that same foot around Kevin’s ankle and gave a deliberate tug.

Kevin descended into gleeful laughter, and felt only more elated when it meant Andrew was forced to come to him for his kiss.

Prompt List

[yes-or-no]

Nothing

“I don’t get you.” Neil was laying on his back making pictures of the stars. If he squinted just right, he could make out a small fox paw. He turned to his head to Andrew, who was leaning up against the wall, refusing to give into Neil’s offer of the cracked concrete beside him. In Andrew’s hand was a half-burnt cigarette.

“What do you mean?” Neil asked. Andrew shook his head, raising the cigarette to this mouth.

“I can’t pin what you are.”

“Sure as fuck not your answer, apparently,” Neil responded, a smirk playing on his lips. Andrew shot him a glare and flicked the cigarette so it landed just shy of Neil. He settled himself on the ground, but stayed sitting up against the wall, watching Neil inquisitively from afar.

“You’re not good enough to be a hero.” Andrew said the words with little regard. Neil knew it wasn’t meant to be an insult, merely an observation, and it was fair. His chest took a small hit, though, as he realised what that implied. Because if he wasn’t the hero, that meant that he was... “But you’re not a villain,” Andrew finished. Neil glanced back toward him.

“Why am I not a villain?” Neil asked. He sat up to face Andrew, but Andrew looked away from him. Neil took the hint and lay back down, watching Andrew from his peripheral instead. Andrew pulled his knees up to his chest.

“You have every feature of a villain, determination, obstacles—“ Neil snorted at that— “threat, skill. You don’t have the emotions, though.”

“What does that mean?” Neil asked. He almost pointed out the exy stick he spotted in the stars but bit his tongue when he realised Andrew might damage his vital organs if he brought up exy right now. Andrew shrugged.

“You’re not angry,” he explained. Neil didn’t know what that meant either, so he waited for Andrew to keep going. “You’ve been wronged,” he said, “a lot. By a lot of people. But you haven’t tried to get revenge, you’ve just tried to get away.”

“So it’s settled. I’m the rabbit you’ve always said I was,” Neil joked. Andrew didn’t laugh, but then again, he never really did. Neil looked to Andrew again, and they locked eyes this time.

“No,” Andrew responded, pulling a packet of gum out of his pocket.

Neil thought it might’ve been grape or strawberry, but he couldn’t see in the darkness of the night. Never mint, though. Andrew had said mint was too harsh one time. The next day, Neil had bought him one of the kid’s toothpastes that tasted of berries and received a light punch from Andrew in return. He’d caught him using it since, though.

“You stayed.” Andrew’s break from the short silence startled Neil and he blinked. He was still looking at Andrew, who was chewing his gum slowly.

“What?” Neil kept staring, but Andrew had decided he’d had enough eye contact and shifted his gaze up to the sky. Neil, still lying on his back on the cold concrete, looked up too.

“You’re not a rabbit anymore. You chose not to be that day after Baltimore. You stayed and you chose to want.” Andrew said the words so simply, like he hadn’t just given Neil the entire world.

“I chose you,” Neil murmured, quiet and in hope that Andrew couldn’t hear him. It seemed to work, because Andrew didn’t say anything for a while, only sat across the roof from Neil and watched the stars.

He must’ve moved, because Neil heard shuffling before he turned to look at Andrew again. He had an arm up to the sky.

“That one looks like an exy stick,” Andrew said, once again with deadly simplicity.

When he looked back down at Neil, there was something almost like amusement in his eyes. Not at all similar to the sharp glint he had on his meds, or the defeated laughter from that bed in Nicky’s parents house, but something fond. Something Neil liked. The next words that came from Andrew’s mouth were simple too. But they didn’t feel small and they didn’t feel like nothing. In fact, it felt like an admission that Neil was no longer nothing, that this thing between them was no longer nothing. Andrew was quiet but determined when he whispered, “I chose you too.”

Neil blinked slowly at him, a silent agreement passing between their wide eyes and heavy heads, before looking up at the stars.

“That one looks kind of like Kevin,” he said. From his right, Andrew muttered an irritated “one hundred and thirty percent,” and Neil felt the beginning of a real smile twitch its way onto his face.

And for the first time in what could have been years, he didn’t try to stop it.

[jingerhead]

You ready for this, my meme peep??? Go:

20. "When was the last time you smiled?" - as a sad Andrew snippet.

25. "This is a once in a lifetime thing and you want me to blow it off?" - but as a remix of Andrew's iconic "doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you" scene, interpret that as you will.

😘🧡

YOU WANT MORE SAD???? Y'all why do you want more sad. I will make it no don't you dare take that prompt away from me I WILL MAKE IT -

So yeah, I hope you like these tiny drabbles. Warnings for prompt 25 'cause it's that scene so I mention sex :)

20 - When was the last time you smiled?

Andrew had been sitting on the desk in the dorm room, smoking out the window in the middle of the night, when Robin had asked it.

"When was the last time you smiled?" she said in a small voice, like she was afraid to know the answer.

Andrew glanced at her out of the corners of his eyes. She'd been unable to sleep, her anxiety keeping her awake, and had followed him out here so as to not be alone. Andrew often smoked in the early hours of the morning, always waking up Neil and telling him to go back to sleep. Robin rarely made small talk, so there had to be a reason to her question.

"Why?" he mumbled around the cigarette.

"I've never seen you smile," she said, lifting her legs so that she could hug them to her chest. "I just wanted to know."

Andrew looked away from her face and decided to humor her. He thought back to when the Foxes played the Ravens his second year and all the months before that with a manic grin on his face. He thought about the smirk he gave Tilda before he jerked the wheel, about the fake smiles he gave to other boys in juvie.

He thought about the smiles he'd given Cass. He thought about the smiles he made when he was just a few years old, hoping that this time he'd get to stay in a house and go to school instead of having to move again.

He figured there must've been a point in his life that he'd genuinely done so. If he tried he could remember every time in his life he'd ever done so, every reason why he'd made his lips turn upwards and show off his teeth. But he was sure he'd never genuinely smiled around Neil, either.

It felt tempting to try it. To take the cigarette from between his lips and try to move his muscles in a way he hadn't in so long. Would they be able to do it? Would it hurt? Would it only bring him back to a time he couldn't stop himself from grinning all the time?

"I don't remember," Andrew went with. He blew smoke out the window and glanced at Robin once more, but she didn't ask anymore questions.

25 - This is a once in a lifetime thing and you want me to blow it off?

"Why does Roland think you're tying me down?"

Andrew paused with his mouth open, his drink nearly to his mouth. Neil slowly sat down in an open seat and did his best to ignore Kevin, who was clutching a bottle of Vodka like it was his lifeline, in favor of waiting for Andrew's answer. It took him a few seconds to finally get one as Andrew lowered his glass to the table, fingertips dancing on the rim of the cup.

"Presumably he thinks you're as bad as following instructions as he is," Andrew finally said.

He seemed to leave it there. Neil didn't know how to ask what he was thinking. "What instructions do you give him?"

"Roland knows I don't like to be touched."

Neil frowned. "But he does it, anyway?"

"He needs more management," Andrew reiterated.

"So you tie him down." This whole conversation was weird. "You tie people down?"

Andrew snapped his fingers. "Listen when people are talking to you, Neil."

They were quiet for a moment. Andrew started lifting his glass again. "Do you use rope?" Neil blurted.

The glass was lowered back to the table with a loud clink.

"Forget it," Neil decided, turning in his seat so he wouldn't have to look at Andrew.

"This is a once in a lifetime thing and you want me to blow it off?"

"Making fun of me isn't a once in a lifetime thing for you," Neil said, lifting a fist to his mouth and digging his teeth into his knuckles. "You do it every day."

"Neil."

Neil looked back after a second, doing his best to glare at Andrew as menacingly as possible. It didn't seem to have any affect. "What."

Andrew rolled his eyes. "I'm offering you sex."

"Huh?"

All Neil got back was an intense look from Andrew. It gave him shivers, so he tried his best to think. He'd just been offered...well, sex, and he didn't know what to think. Which was strange, because any other time Neil had been offered sex in his life, he'd turned away without hesitation. But now that he thought more about it...

"You like me," Neil concluded.

"I hate you," Andrew said back immediately.

[winterxjxsmine]

This is my birthday present for @allforthestickball. I wish I was a writer so I could write you something better or I wish I could give you something you wanted but this is the only thing I can offer right now so I hope you like it, I love you, happy birthday!

Before you read this keep in mind that English isn't my native language so there are definitely mistakes in this. This is the first time I'm attempting to write Andreil and it was scary af I don't know how you all are doing it,, I really tried,,

Trigger warnings: panic attacks, mention of Nathan torturing Neil in the past

Neil always knew how to read behind Andrew's words but sometimes even he was getting a little confused. Or that one time Neil couldn't see behind Andrew’s words and let his insecurities torture him.

Today was a good day. Neil woke up beside his partner a couple of minutes before his alarm like every day. Dorm beds were very small and definitely not made for two people, but Andrew and Neil soon found out that sleep comes easier when they’re sleeping together, so it didn’t matter.

Today was a good day. “starring” Andrew had said with a hoarse voice from sleep when he woke up and saw Neil looking at him like he was the most interesting thing in the world like every day. It was a part of their routine by now. 

Today was a good day. Andrew and Neil after a small make-out session when Kevin finally left them alone got up, made and ate breakfast together, and like every other day, they got ready and left for early practice with the rest of the monsters. They held hands on the way to the court ignoring Nicky's exciting glaring from the back seat, they shared more private kisses in the locker room when everyone was already in the court who made Wymack later threaten them with marathons because they were late.

Today was a good day until it wasn't. Everything in practice ran smoothly. Kevin complained the whole time about the team’s performance, Nicky about how sleepy he is and why practice is so early, Matt made jokes to make Neil laugh, everything was good. When practice was over everyone went back to the locker rooms to get changed, Neil with Kevin stayed behind to talk about game strategies as always. When Kevin headed to the locker rooms too Neil saw Andrew and Renee not far away from him so he started heading towards them.

Neil didn’t mean to eardrop at Andrew’s and Renee’s conversation but what he heard made every word die in his mouth. “if you feel this way about him maybe you should tell him, he’s your boyfriend after all.” Renee spoke carefully as always. Both friends were oblivious to Neil’s presence. Andrew gave her one of his famous death glares. What Andrew wasn’t telling him? Neil frowned but tried not to jump to conclusions. “He’s not my boyfriend,” Andrew growled almost offended at the accusation. Renee sent him a knowing look and Andrew huffed. “I’ll get bored of him eventually.” they were his next words before he threw his unfinished cigarette in the concrete.

Neil's mouth suddenly went very dry and his stomach was knotted. Andrew's last two phrases echoed in his mind again and again. "Neil hi" Renee's voice brought him back to reality. He just looked at her for a few seconds not trusting his mouth to speak right now."Is everything okay?" He thought he heard her ask when she saw his pale face and his tense figure. That seemed to catch Andrew's attention who almost immediately turned around to look at him as well. "Uh yes yes, I just- I'm just gonna take a shower." He tried to keep his face blank and without waiting any longer he awkwardly turned and disappeared from their view.

"He's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend." Neil couldn't stop thinking of Andrew's words. They started their 'this' two years ago. They never talked about what exactly they were but Neil was certain that after all of this Andrew had stopped denying that they had something. In his conversation with Renee, he didn't say that they weren't something, he just said that..they weren't boyfriends but if they're not boyfriends then what are they? It's something that they both have to spend their time on? No, for Neil Andrew was so much more than that. He was feeling emotions he never felt before and he was pretty sure he would never feel again for anyone else. For Neil, Andrew was his whole world. He believed from Andrew's actions that he felt the same for him but Andrew denying that there isn't something between them after all this time is ridiculous.

"I'll get bored of him eventually." He hadn't listened to Andrew saying this for so long and he's not even sure why it bothered him so much. The truth is that Neil sometimes feared that he wasn't enough for Andrew. Even though the other boy had his full attention to him that didn't mean that someday Andrew wouldn't get tired and bored of Neil. Who he was anyway? A broken soul beyond fixing with scars all over his body and face. The butcher's son doppelganger. Sometimes he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror, maybe Andrew would feel the same someday.

And what was that Andrew was hiding from him? What if he wanted to tell Neil he doesn't feel the same? What if he wanted to remind him that he's just spending his time with him and nothing more? A wave of fear almost paralyzes Neil. What..what if Andrew is already bored of Neil? What if he wants to break up with him already? But no, this doesn't make sense. Andrew wouldn't act this way if he wanted to leave him. His behavior simply didn't match this theory. Neil sighs forcing himself to relax. He's just being paranoid.

Neil let his insecurities drown him a little more and if he stayed in the shower longer than he used to well nobody had to know. With automatic movements, he started dressing without even noticing Andrew's presence in the room until he spoke. "Everything okay?" He asked looking straight to Neil's blue eyes trying to find in them the right answer. Neil tried to hide a flinch and put his shirt on faster. "Yeah, everything okay." He said pressing a small smile on his lips. He wasn't exactly lying after all. Everything was fine, nothing happened he just had to forget what he heard, this conversation wasn't for his ears anyway. Andrew always had a problem with words. His words never matched his actions so this was another reason to not take it seriously. He just had to puss every feeling in the back of his mind.

"Where are the others?" Neil asked while they were walking to the car and he couldn't see the rest of Andrew's lot. "They got bored waiting for you," Andrew answered with a bored tone and disappeared inside his car. Neil took a deep breath forcing himself to relax before he followed him. They were quiet on the way back as most of the times because they were always communicating better without words so Neil found the fact that he was so bothered by words ironic when Andrew showed him every day with actions. Andrew glanced at Neil curiously many times and at some point, he let his hand hover over Neil's thigh, a silent question. Neil nodded and put his hand over Andrew's offering a small smile at him.

When they arrived at the foxhole tower Neil almost opened the door to get out but Andrew's 'yes or no' stopped him. Neil looked at him and heard himself answer yes and without even realizing it he was already leaning closer until his lips met Andrew's. Without his permission, he felt his body tense and it seemed that Andrew felt it too because he got away from Neil immediately. "Talk," Andrew growled looking at Neil with his usual blank stare. "I don't know what you mean I have nothing to say," Neil answered, crossing his arms over his chest trying to avoid eye contact. Andrew huffed before he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Neil sighed, again. Andrew was his usual self, everything was perfectly fine so why couldn't he just forget about it? He was getting mad at himself. "Andrew I'm just tired." Neil started following him but Andrew didn't stop until he was in the building waiting for the elevator. Neil always preferred the stairs but he didn't trust his trembling legs right now and he didn't want to leave Andrew.

The two boys entered the elevator standing as far away as they could from each other. Neil couldn't stop glaring at Andrew while they were waiting in tense silence. Suddenly the lights started to tremble, the elevator stopped and the lights went completely off. "What..what happened?" Neil murmured frozen in his place. A sudden light flooded the room and Neil soon found out that it was Andrew's phone. He watched him approach the entrance with a carefully placed blank face that betrays nothing about his feelings. "We're stuck, probably power outage," Andrew answered eventually pushing repeatedly the 'emergency’ button without success. Neil's heart began to rise in his chest but he tried to ignore it. Being trapped here makes him immediately think about some of the old darkest moments of his life. His mind traveled to times when his father locked him in his wardrobe or any other small space in the dark to punish him. This was so familiar it made his skin crawl. 

Soon enough the only thing he could see and hear was his younger self crying and begging for his father to show him mercy. At some point he realized he couldn't breathe, his hands felt numb and his legs were trembling even more than before. "Andrew." He almost choked, panic clear in his voice. Andrew was beside him with a hand in his neck pushing him to sit down in a second.

“Neil” Andrew called his name with a stern voice. “Andr- Andrew I can't-” Neil sobbed grabbing Andrew’s hand with his own trying desperately to ground himself. “You’re Neil Abram Josten, striker for the Palmetto state foxes.” Andrew began to say with a steady voice. “No- no- I can’t-'' Neil was feeling nauseous and dizzy, his throat was dry and his lungs were hurting because of the multiple desperate breaths he tried to take. “Repeat after me Neil'' Andrew demanded, grabbing harder at the back of his neck. “You’re Neil Abram Josten, striker for the Palmetto state foxes, you’re safe, your parents are dead, and I’m here.” Neil started to repeat his words with a trembling voice shutting his eyes while he tried to imagine moments of his foxes, and Andrew, and his life as Neil Josten. “Breath with me” Andrew whispered, grabbing with his other hand one of Neil’s and placing it in his chest to help him match his breathing.

A couple of minutes passed and Neil was finally back to himself, his breaths were steadier and his pounding heart was calmer. None of them dared to move. “I’m a mess” Neil murmured tiredly. Why would Andrew want to be with him?. Always a problem, always a responsibility. “What’s new” Andrew moved his hand from Neil’s neck to his hair. “What happened” his piercing look dared Neil to lie. “My father used to..lock me in small places and leave me in the dark for hours.” He explained avoiding Andrew’s eyes. “I’m sorry it’s stupid” he apologized a few seconds later. “Shut up or I’ll gut you” Andrew answered, flicking him in the forehead.

“Aren’t you bored from all of this yet?” Neil asked quietly, his hesitation clearly in his voice. “Aren’t you bored of me yet?” He added before Andrew could speak. Neil was sure that Andrew would reply with a sarcastic comment or something but Andrew seemed to understand how important this conversation was. “What is this?” he asked instead, forcing Neil to make eye contact with him. “Nothing, just..I’ll understand if you’re bored with this, or me” Neil answered, making Andrew frown.

“Don’t be stupid” he growled giving him a hard stare. “There’s no ‘this’ like you always said anyway'' Neil couldn’t stop himself at this point. No one said anything as Andrew gathered his thoughts. “Where did all this come from?” he avoided to answer and Neil felt disappointment in the pit of his stomach. “Am I lying?” Neil pressed and when Andrew didn’t answer he huffed shaking his head in disbelief. Neil moved away from Andrew’s touch. “I’m not your boyfriend and you’ll get bored of me eventually.” Neil continued and saw the moment that realization hit Andrew. “You eardrop my conversation with Renee.” He stated with a blank look. 

“I didn’t mean to” Neil answered quietly. “I thought you were smarter than this Neil.” Andrew sighed moving closer to him. “I just...I just thought..it doesn’t matter, you were clear to me two years ago about this.” Neil dared to look at him in the eyes and almost choked when his eyes met Andrew’s. Angry hazel eyes looking at him.

“Listen to me clearly because I’m gonna say this only once.” Neil nodded and Andrew leaned closer. “Stop making assumptions about things. Just fucking ask me. You listened to two phrases I said and you think you understood everything. There’s a ‘this’ and we’re not just boyfriends.” Andrew said, his hazel eyes burning Neil hoping that his idiot will understand the things he can’t say. Realization hit Neil and his eyes went wide. “Oh,” he said suddenly feeling very stupid. “Yeah oh.” Andrew mocked him. The thing is that Andrew Minyard never was good with words so he always used his actions to show his family that he cared. Neil has no idea why his insecurities blinded him. Andrew showed Neil every day that there was a ‘this’ with his way. He and Andrew aren’t just boyfriends. They’re so much more than that and now Neil finally gets it. “You like me,” Neil stated with a smile forming on his lips. “Idiot,” Andrew murmured. “Oh you, really, really like me.” he teased and Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’ll kill you,” he threatens with no heat behind his words.

“It’s okay because I, really, really like you too.” Neil’s smile got wider, Andrew huffed again but Neil could tell that he wasn’t so unaffected as he wanted to show. “And what's the thing you are hiding from me?” Neil asked suddenly and Andrew took his eyes away from him. “What I already told you.” He answered through his teeth and Neil couldn’t hide his smile. “Yes or no?” he asked him and after Andrew’s consent, together they leaned closer to each other and Neil let Andrew show him how much he cared about him with long heated kisses until the power came back and their foxes came looking for them.

[buriedinbaltimore]

Imagine the foxes playing two truths and a lie...

The upperclassmen start playing it as a drinking game one night and Neil is intrigued. Andrew is also intrigued but doesn’t show it and refuses to play.

They are all already pretty tipsy, with Kevin, Matt, Nicky, and Aaron pretty much drunk.

Allison goes first, she has an amazing poker face and calmly says all three statements with no facial twitches or vocal cues. “my first car was a Toyota Camry (truth), my prom dress cost over $10k (lie), and I once made out with Miley Cyrus (truth)”

Renee, Neil, and Aaron guess right, Matt, Dan, Kevin, and Nicky have to drink.

Then it’s Matt’s turn and he is terrible, he starts snickering before he opens his mouth. “I’ve swam with sharks (truth)” he says, but he cannot control his face and it keeps contorting as he tries to maintain a neutral expression. He takes a deep breath to try and control his giggles, “my favorite flower is sunflowers (truth)” then he can’t hold it in anymore and starts hysterically laughing and chokes out, “My favorite city in the world is Newark, NJ (lie)”

Everyone gets it right and Matt has to drink.

Dan is next, she goes for the “one of these is so out there and crazy it can’t be a lie...or is it?” method.

((It is.))

“I’ve never shot a gun (truth), as a kid my favorite food was celery with ranch dressing (truth), and when I was 18 I won the lottery but the ticket was ruined and I couldn’t claim the money (lie)”

Aaron jumps in with “Obviously you never won the lottery, how would you even know if the ticket was destroyed”

Dan has her story ready. “When I first turned 18, I played the same numbers every week. It went on for a few months when my numbers were picked, but by that point playing was more of a habit than anything else and I wasn’t too careful with my tickets. I searched for it everywhere and found that I left it in my jeans pocket when I did my laundry.”

Allison asks what the numbers were, and Dan answers with no hesitation, which makes Allison tilt her head and stare into Dan’s eyes. Dan looks back without guile, totally relaxed.

Nicky is looking at her with his eyes wide and mouth slightly open and asks how much money she would have won

When Dan answers $53 million dollars Nicky gasps and Matt groans.

Neil, Renee, and Allison get it right, but everyone else falls for it.

When its Nicky turn he forgets to say a lie.

He is sitting there trying to come up with something for what feels like forever while every goads him for taking so long.

Finally, after waiting 5 minutes, Kevin says “I’m going because Nicky obviously can’t come up with anything” and Nicky jumps across Kevins lap and goes “No no no no no, I’ve got it!”

Without moving off Kevin he says “I’m allergic to shellfish, I died my hair green once, and I’ve read all the twilight books three times“ He moves back to his spot looking pleased with himself.

Everyone starts discussing theories until Andrew says in his bored, flat voice, “Nicky, those are all true”

Nicky starts to protest, thinks for a second, then just says “Fuck!” and takes a shot.

Kevin rolls his eyes so hard that his entire head rotates then says, while slightly slurring, “Okay, my turn! I’ve played a game of pick up basketball once (lie), I know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire (truth), and I’ve traveled to over a dozen countries (truth).”

Matt starts hysterically laughing again, “You know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire! oh my god Kevin you are such a nerd!” everyone else starts laughing at Kevin too.

“Maybe I do, maybe it’s the lie!”

“Everyone knows you’ve never played a sport besides Exy in your life Kevin” Dan says, “Will you sing it for us? Please, please, please!”

Allison, Nicky, and Matt join Dan in asking Kevin to sing. Renee even says, “It would be lovely to hear you sing it Kevin” to which Kevin blushes a little and answers, “Maybe later” and then takes his shot.

Aaron is drunk enough at this point to spill some truths he otherwise never would, and will wish for the rest of his life that he never had.

“When I was little, I wanted to be a figure skater when I grew up.(truth)”

Everyone goes completely silent and stares at him unsure whether to laugh or not but he doesn’t realize and continues

“The first time I got high I thought the squirrels in the tree wanted to adopt me as their squirrel king (truth), and I hate Taylor Swift (lie)”

No one says anything at first, and just when Aaron starts to realize something is up, Nicky says “Nah man, you LOVE T. Swift, you can’t deny it!”

They collectively make a silent agreement to ignore this new information about Aaron until he sobers up a bit and can either defend himself, or will be more fun to tease.

In the end, everyone but Renee guesses right, but she guessed wrong on purpose because she didn’t think that Aaron should be having any more to drink.

When it’s Renee’s turn, she smiles sweetly and says, ”I can juggle up to 7 balls (truth), I have never drank diet soda (lie), and I once had a pet turtle named Vincent (truth).”

No one is confident about which is the lie and it is the longest the foxes debate after anyones turn. It doesn’t help that Renee refuses to answer questions, and whenever someone tries to ask her anything she just smiles and shrugs.

It comes out to Neil and Aaron getting it right, while everyone else has to drink.

“How the fuck has it never come up that you’re a master juggler?” Allison asks angrily

“It wouldn’t be appropriate to do it at practice, and we’re not really around balls much otherwise.”

Everyone asks for a demonstration, “I will juggle later if Kevin will sing.”

Everyone looks at Kevin who sighs but says “Okay, fine!”

They all cheer then wait eagerly for Neil to go.

Neil sits quietly for a little while, not as long as Nicky, but long enough that Aaron says, “Come on this should be easy for you! You lied to us all for a year, what’s the problem, the truth?”

Neil shoots him a dirty look but doesn’t respond for a few more seconds then says,

“My mom and I once helped deliver a baby at a truck stop in Alberta, I’ve been bitten by a camel, and I can speak 7 languages”

Everyone just stares at him.

“Two of those things are true?” Matt finally asks

“Yeah.” Neil says, shrugging. Everyone is silent again.

Nicky turns to Andrew for help, but he refuses to say anything. His eyes are bright with interest though and he looks at Neil for a long time. Internally, he thinks the one about helping birth a baby has something off about it.

After much debate, Allison, Kevin, and Matt guess the baby, Renee, Dan, and Aaron guess the camel, and Nicky says the languages, “No one can know SEVEN languages!! I won’t believe it!”

They all turn to Neil expectantly and he says, “It was the first one, we were just outside Vancouver, in British Columbia, not Alberta.”

“But you, Neil Josten, have helped deliver a baby?” Allison asks incredulously.

“Technically I wasn’t Neil Josten yet…”

Everyone groans. Everyone takes a shot.

Cut to 15 minutes later, Renee is juggling an exy ball, some apples, and Matt’s phone while Kevin sings. Nicky tries to sing along with Kevin but definitely doesn’t know the right words, Aaron is watching Renee wide eyed, Dan and Matt are playing air guitar behind Kevin, and Allison is looking for more things for Renee to juggle. Neil and Andrew sit quietly on a desk holding cigarettes, observing their idiot friends.  

Stories Behind the Truths and Lies

Allison

My first car was a Toyota Camry (truth) - Allison’s parents wanted her to learn how to drive in a safe car that wouldn’t draw a lot of attention, so they got her a Camry. She only drove it for 3 weeks before demanding an upgrade.

My prom dress cost over $10k (lie) - This was almost true. She had ordered a custom Zac Posen dress but before it was finalized she made her decision to go to PSU and play Exy, and her mother canceled the order. She ended up wearing something she found in a vintage store that she altered herself. She ended up enjoying it a lot, which led to her decision to study fashion. (In my hc she played professional Exy for 3? seasons but was injured and then started her fashion line.)

I once made out with Miley Cyrus (truth) - While out clubbing one night she met Miley through mutual friends, they were attracted to each other, they made out. Miley asked for her number but Allison wasn’t looking for anything more than a hook up.

Matt

I’ve swam with sharks (truth) - He did this with his mom on a vacation and they both loved it. They also have a tradition where they watch at least one night of shark week together, or at least call each other to talk while they are both watching.

My favorite flower is sunflowers (truth) - No story lol I just think he would like sunflowers.

My favorite city in the world is Newark, NJ (lie) - I love thinking about New Yorker Matt. Raised on the Upper East Side, dad a top plastic surgeon, mom a public figure? Child grew up surrounded by serious privilege. HC that in fifth grade he made friends with a boy who was on scholarship at his school. Let’s call him… Metin. He lived in Queens? He took the subway? Matt goes to his house one day and it is 1/8th the size of his apartment and there are 9 people living there; Metin’s parents, two grandparents, his uncle, his two sisters, and his cousin. They all speak Turkish in the house and it’s loud and crowded but so full of life and love and Matt loves it. He and Metin grew apart when Matt started using, but before that they were best friends for years and explored the city together, Matt learning about and experiencing so much culture that for the first 9 years of his life he didn’t know existed. When Nicky wanted to go to Times Square for New Years Matt knew he had to be a good host and take them but inside he was DYING. I’m getting off track. No New Yorker could ever like Newark. I’m not convinced anybody could like Newark. It is indeed, very laughable.

Dan

I’ve never shot a gun (truth) - Dan hates guns and refuses to shoot one.

As a kid my favorite food was celery with ranch dressing (truth) - Idk I just thought this was cute. And also thinking about young Dan who didn’t have a lot of access to healthy foods getting celery sticks and ranch with her free school lunch and getting SO excited. Trading her cookie to a classmate for their celery.

When I was 18 I won the lottery but the ticket was ruined and I couldn’t claim the money (lie) - I like to think this is part true. After Dan turned 18 but before she was recruited for the Foxes, she played lotto a lot, always with the same numbers that she got from a fortune cookie that said, “Failure is not defeat until you stop trying.” She stopped playing once she signed with Wymack.

Nicky (all truths)

I’m allergic to shellfish - Mostly I love that Andrew knew all these things about Nicky, especially his allergy because he’s always looking out to make sure Nicky doesn’t eat something he can’t.

I died my hair green once - At first, when he took custody of the twins and started showing up for them at school at stuff, he hated the looks he got. He was a 19 year old kid who was supposed to be their guardian? Not to mention the way people eyed his skin and hair when he said he was family. One day he decided to dye his hair blond and he asked Andrew and Aaron to help, to try to bond. Aaron wanted nothing to do with it, but surprisingly, Andrew seem enthusiastic about the idea. He bought the dye and did everything for Nicky in the kitchen. When he was finally done roughly washing the dye out of Nicky’s hair, Nicky went to the bathroom to see how he looked and saw that Andrew had died his hair green. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh at the prank or cry because he foolishly thought he might be getting through to Andrew. When he went back to the kitchen, he tried to laugh it off and said maybe he should go to a salon to get the color right. Andrew told him he was stupid to try and change how he looked just because people were dumb enough to think that families needed to look alike. Besides, they weren’t a family anyway.  “Family” is a toxic excuse for things people put up with, a reason we accept the tragedies and inconveniences forced upon us. (Nora’s words) Nicky was upset, and dyed his hair back to his natural color once the roots started growing in, but he reaffirmed his commitment in that moment that he would show the twins what Erik had shown him, what a family could really be.

I’ve read all the twilight books three times - Nicky was a huge fan of twilight, even going to the midnight release party for the last book. He was disappointed in the movie adaptations but loved the casting and watched for the eye candy. He is loving the twilight renaissance especially the twilight is gay discourse.

Kevin

I’ve played a game of pick up basketball once (lie) - Kevin has never played a game of basketball, or soccer, or tennis, or baseball, or any other sport for that matter and can not understand why anyone would want to.

I know all the lyrics to We Didn’t Start the Fire (truth) - Kayleigh Day was a big music fan, she loved everything from classical to country, but one of her favorite artists was Billy Joel. After she died and Kevin moved into Evermore, he almost forgot about her music because the music at the Nest was all chosen for pragmatic reasons, like its BPM and ability to pump the players up. One day, when Kevin was around 15 years old, a rebellious Raven played his own music while training in the weight room. He and his partner were the only ones in there until Riko and Kevin showed up, and they turned it off as soon as they realized they had come in, but Kevin heard some of “Only the Good Die Young” and for the first time in a long time had a vivid memory of his mother. He asked the boys what had been playing, and Riko scoffed at the name Billy Joel. That night while Riko was sleeping, Kevin downloaded Billy Joel’s Greatest Hits and listened until he feel asleep, and he continued listening to it for weeks until he started remembering more of his mothers songs from his childhood. We Didn’t Start the Fire was one of his favorites because history.

I’ve traveled to over a dozen countries (truth) - Between travel through Europe with his mom while she spread Exy and professional appearances he made with Riko, Kevin is the most well traveled besides Neil.

Aaron

When I was little, I wanted to be a figure skater when I grew up. (truth) - When Aaron was around four or five, he watched the winter olympics on TV and fell in love with figure skating. Tilda never bothered to get him skating lessons, but one day, when Aaron was seven, there was an attempt to revive the Ice Capades. Aaron never thought he would get to go, but Tilda surprised him with tickets. It is one of the few really good memories he has of his mom.

The first time I got high I thought the squirrels in the tree wanted to adopt me as their squirrel king (truth) - I just imagine Aaron trying his mom’s drugs for the first time alone in the back yard, laying flat on his back looking up at a family of squirrels, saying, “I’m king of the squirrels!!!”

I hate Taylor Swift (lie) - Katelyn is a HUGE Taylor Swift fan. When they first started hanging out, Aaron didn’t really like her music but didn’t want to say anything. Eventually he started associating her with Katelyn though, and he loves watching Katelyn sign and dance so much that he now genuinely enjoys her music.

Renee

I can juggle up to 7 balls (truth) - Renee always had a natural juggling talent. She never really tried to learn, it was just always something she could do.

I have never drank diet soda (lie) - She does prefer non-diet soda, but she has tried diet before.

I once had a pet turtle named Vincent (truth) - Vincent was a gift from one of her mother’s boyfriends, the only one Renee ever remotely like. He was horrible to her mother, but had a soft spot for Renee and treated her kindly. They broke up after a couple of months, and he gave her Vincent as a parting gift. She had him until she got arrested, she couldn’t go back home to get him and when her mother went to prison he died.

Neil

My mom and I once helped deliver a baby at a truck stop in Alberta (lie) - This happened while Neil and his mom were on the way to Seattle. It was the middle of the night and they stopped to get gas a few hours out from Vancouver when they heard a woman screaming. There was nothing around for miles and only one other car in the lot that had been there when they pulled in. His mother immediately dropped the gas pump and Neil was already back in the car when the screaming stopped and his mother hesitated. Neil had never seen his mom hesitate with a potential threat around before, and he listened closely to try and understand why she stopped. All he heard was a woman panting harshly, but it sounded almost as though there was a rhythm to it. Mary signaled for him to get out of the car, and ordered him to grab some blankets, the first aid kit, and water bottles and follow her. They walked behind the locked public bathrooms, and found the woman squatting, with tears running down her face. Mary wasn’t very gentle or comforting, but she told the woman in a calm and confident voice that they were going to help. Neil didn’t do much, but he let the woman hold his hand and squeeze until he thought she would break it. He gave her sips of water between her contractions and did anything else his mother said. Once the baby was out, wrapped in a blanket, and in its mothers arms, Mary grabbed Neil and they left without another word to the woman. She stared after them, confused and grateful. Neil and his mother never spoke of it again.

I’ve been bitten by a camel (truth) - Neil and Mary spent a few days in Dubai to get some papers from a specialist there before traveling back to North America. The man did his business out of a racetrack where they held camel races. To get to his office, they had to travel through the back part of the track that the jockeys used to get the camels into position. Neil got too close to one of the camels and it bit his arm, luckily (or not), the jockey was in the middle of beating it and before it closed its mouth too tightly, landed a blow that caused the camel to immediately open its mouth again. Once he was freed, Neil was out of reach in a millisecond.

I can speak 7 languages (truth) - English, German, French, Russian, Hebrew, Czech, Greek. (To clarify he can speak 7 languages but he wouldn’t necessarily call himself fluent in all 7) We all know English, German, French, and Nora had a hc that Andrew and Neil learn Russian so they can talk to each other even with the cousins around which I love. Hebrew - In my hc Neil is jewish, as are Mary and Nathan. After running away, Mary didn’t know where to go once she had left her brother. She didn’t speak any other languages besides English, but she could understand Yiddish from hearing her grandparents and sometimes her parents speaking it growing up, and she could understand Polish from her time married to Nathan. She didn’t want to go to Poland in case any of Nathan’s contacts recognized her, so she decided to go to Israel. She knew there were communities there that spoke Yiddish and she was familiar if not comfortable with Hebrew from going to temple when she was younger. But most importantly she knew Nathan didn’t have any regular contacts there. While they were there, along with learning Hebrew, Mary pretended to be interested in converting to Greek Orthodox in order to get secret Greek lessons for her and Neil. After a while but sooner than she had hoped, Mary got a warning that Nathan had figured out where they were. She didn’t think it would be wise to go directly to Greece so she decided to move them to Prague next, since Czech and Polish are fairly similar and she really had no other ideas. While in Prague she continued her and Neil’s Greek lessons, and they went on to Greece eventually. Mary didn’t want them to lose any of the languages they learned, so she came up with a system that on certain days of the week they would speak to each other in certain languages. After Mary died, Neil pretty much gave up on Czech and Hebrew because he hadn’t been surrounded by them in so long and he hadn’t used either except with Mary since they moved from Prague or Israel. They had lived in Greece for longer than they had in Prague or Israel though, moving to a few different cities, so he felt stronger with Greek.

Fin. 

This is my first time writing anything fanfiction, my first time doing any creative writing at all really, and I would love any and all feedback!! Thanks for reading this long ass post, I hope it wasn’t terrible!!

[otdiaftg]

The Raven King - Chapter Four

Day: Friday, September 1st Time: 9:30 PM CST

Neil retreated before anyone else spotted him. There weren't a lot of places to hide from the press, but the door to the nurse's office was open an inch. Neil gave it a cautious push and looked inside. Wymack was sitting on the pristine bed with a pack of cigarettes in his hand. Neil took Wymack's nod to be an invitation and slipped inside. He was turning to close the door behind himself when he spotted Wymack's silent companion. Andrew was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the corner. He hadn't bothered to change out yet, but he'd taken off his helmet and gloves. Abby's travel bag was upended on the ground in front of him. His medicine bottle was open on its side near his hip. A handful of white pills were scattered on the floor around it. Andrew held his prize for the night's efforts in a two-handed, white-knuckled grip: a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue. In the ten or so minutes he'd been off the court he'd already inhaled half of the pricey scotch. How he had enough feeling left in his fingers to hold the bottle Neil didn't know. "Abby and Allison went ahead to the bus," Wymack said. "You can join them or wait here for everyone else." Neil left the door open a crack behind him so he'd know when the reporters left and claimed the stool closest to the door. He put his bag on the ground at his feet, glanced again at Andrew, and looked up at Wymack. "Why did you pay for stalls, Coach?" Wymack lifted one shoulder in a shrug. "Maybe I knew you'd need them one day." Andrew smiled around the mouth of his bottle. "Neil is a walking tragedy." "You're a pretty pathetic sob story yourself," Wymack said. Andrew laughed. It was weak, as his medicine hadn't fully kicked in yet, but Neil knew from the sound of it Andrew would be bouncing before they left the parking lot.

Art used with permission by Rainbowd00dles. Thank you @rainbowd00dles !

[jeni182]

Hi here's a prompt: Andrew keeps insisting it's 'nothing' right? So now Neil is hell bent on making him admit that it isn't, so he's trying various things to do so, including making him jealous.

First, I’m sorry this took so long! Second, I know this is probably not what you had in mind and I’m sorry for that. This is just where my mind took it, and I think I just didn’t want to see Neil making Andrew mad on purpose to get him to admit it bc I’m fragile okay I HOPE THIS IS FINE.

_________________________________

Andrew’s mouth was cold.

Usually, it was warm, and Neil knew it would warm up soon enough, but he’d been sucking on an ice cube right before they kissed, and Neil was enjoying the novelty of a cold mouth on his own.

They were at the Columbia house in their room, in their bed, in their feelings. Neil was, anyway. He suspected Andrew was too, but he’d never admit it.

That was the thing though, wasn’t it? They’d been doing this for a year now. They’d been together practically every second. They’d stood together and fought together and taken each other apart together, after slowly and carefully building trust bit by bit.

Neil pulled away from Andrew’s mouth, panting slightly. Andrew turned his attention to Neil’s neck instead, and he had to fight against the urge to close his eyes.

“Hey.” Andrew stopped and looked at him. “One of the soccer guys asked if you were my boyfriend.”

Andrew’s face didn’t change. “So?”

Neil shrugged. “I didn’t know what to tell him.”

“You? At a loss for words? Wonders never cease.” Andrew didn’t lean down to kiss Neil again, and Neil knew he wouldn’t. He’d wait until it was made clear that Neil wanted to keep going. He sat up instead. They faced each other on the bed and Neil looked down to the soft black blanket Andrew kept on it because he liked rubbing his feet against it at night.

“Seriously, though. What should I have said? Are we?”

“Are we what?”

“Boyfriends?”

Andrew tilted his head just slightly, his mouth turning down a bit at the corner. “No,” he finally said, and moved to leave the bed. Neil stood with him to stand in front of him.

“So, what then? It’s been a year Andrew. This is still nothing? This is still just a fun way for you to pass the time?” Neil hated the way he sounded. This wasn’t him. Whining and carrying on about labels. He didn’t even need a label, really. He just wanted Andrew to admit that yes this was something and yes Neil was something.

Andrew patted his pockets like he was looking for his cigarettes. “Fun is objective, don’t you think?”

Neil crossed his arms, clenched his jaw, and threw his cards on the table. “So, you’d be totally fine if I hooked up with someone else? Since this is nothing and I’m nothing?”

Andrew’s head snapped up and his gaze met Neil’s. He could see a muscle tic in Andrew’s jaw, but all he said was, “Do what you want.”

He left the room. Neil didn’t follow him.

****

They were quiet with each other after that. Still together, still connected. It was like Andrew was inside his own head constantly, but Neil didn’t mind. He didn’t really know what to say anyway. He was still thinking about it but pushing Andrew to admit something he wasn’t ready to didn’t seem like a good idea.

They were in the library one day, studying for midterms. Neil felt good about this, because Andrew despised the library and the fact that he was here at all was, Neil was pretty sure, just to be with him. They sat across from each other, both reading. Neil, a history textbook. Andrew, something that looked very unacademic.

Neil startled a little when someone slid into the seat next to his. He’d gotten too comfortable here, he thought for the millionth time. He was out of immediate danger, sure. But for how long?

He looked to the person next to him, and it was a guy he vaguely remembered from one of his math classes.

“Hey, Neil.”

Neil didn’t say anything. He looked at the guy confused. He didn’t know his name. Tad or Jake or Brad or something similar to the hundreds of other white guys at this school who all looked exactly the same to him. Brown hair, eyes, a nose maybe, taller, weakness is in their lack of speed.

Tad or Jake or Brad cleared his throat, eyes flicking to Andrew before landing back on Neil’s face. Neil looked at Andrew too, who was still staring at his book, eyes not moving.

“I just wondered if maybe you want to study together? This statistics final is gonna kill me, and I know you’re so good at this.” He flashed Neil a smile of straight white teeth.

Neil shrugged. “I guess, sure.” He needed to study, too, after all. He didn’t think he’d have a problem, but his scholarship was dependent on his grades and the last thing he needed was to risk it now that his choices were to go pro or die.

“Perfect. Here’s my number.” He reached over and used Neil’s pencil to write his number on the corner of his history textbook, which seemed unnecessarily rude. He squeezed Neil’s arm and left with one last glance at Andrew. Neil watched him leave before shrugging to himself and looking back down at his book. He could feel Andrew’s eyes burning a hole in the top of his head a minute later.

“What?” he asked, without looking up.

Andrew didn’t answer. Neil did look up at him then, confused. He was staring at Neil with his normal blank expression, but there was something about the tightness around his mouth, the slight narrowing of his eyes that Neil didn’t like.

“What’s wrong?”

Andrew stood, shoving his book in his bag and leaving the library without looking back. Neil started to follow him but stopped. Whatever Andrew was pissed about, he probably just wanted space to sort it out. Neil knew by now that bugging Andrew to talk was only more likely to send him deeper inside his shell. So, he stayed in his seat, wrote flashcards to study, and thought about Andrew the whole time.

He let him have until after dinner before he tracked him down to the roof. Andrew was there like he was always there. Sitting at the edge with his knees pulled up, arms circling them loosely. A bottle of vodka at his hip and the acrid scent of cigarettes on the air. Neil took a seat beside him and looked out over the glowing lights of campus.

Neil waited for Andrew to talk first. Whatever this was, he was here as silent support until otherwise requested.

“Did you set up your date?”

Neil looked at Andrew in surprise. “Date?”

“With statistics boy. He seemed awfully eager.” Andrew threw his cigarette off the side and immediately lit another one.

“You mean to study? No, that exam isn’t until next week.”

Andrew snorted. “Oh, Neil. You can’t be this clueless. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you mention hooking up with other people and then you agree to study with a guy who looks at you like he’s already fucked you.”

Neil’s hackles rose immediately. “I seem to remember you telling me to do what I want. Or did I hear that wrong?”

Andrew threw the new cigarette off the edge, too. Even though it was only half spent. “No, you didn’t.”

“Then why are you complaining?”

Andrew took a swig of the vodka in answer, and Neil grabbed it from him before he could take another.

“I don’t plan on hooking up with anyone else. I don’t want to hook up with anyone else. I still don’t swing for anyone but you, in case you’ve forgotten. That guy was asking me to study, and I agreed. I’m not going to manipulate you into admitting that there’s something here by fucking someone else. If you really think I’d do that, you don’t know me at fucking all which is a shame, because I know you, Andrew.”

Andrew laughed with no humor. It was sad, and Neil thought maybe a little broken. “You don’t know me.” Neil’s chest tightened to the point of pain. Because he did know him. He knew this man, knew him better than he knew himself sometimes.

“Yeah?” Neil leaned into Andrew’s space and Andrew did not lean away. “I know you’re afraid of heights, and you’re afraid of me. I know you think as soon as you admit to yourself - to me - that this isn’t just two guys getting off together, it becomes real. It’s one more thing for you to lose in a life where you’ve lost so fucking much. It’s one more thing someone can hold against you when they want to hurt you again.” Neil leaned closer, and not getting any resistance from Andrew, he placed a kiss on his neck. Andrew shivered. “I know you’ve never had this, because I’ve never had it either. And I know it’s scary, because I’m scared too. But Andrew,” Neil sighed and leaned back again, “I’ve been nothing my entire life. I still feel like nothing sometimes. You are my something, and the fact that you also think I’m nothing is fucking soul crushing sometimes. As much as you don’t want to hear it, you are everything.”

Andrew looked from Neil to campus, and Neil watched his throat work as he swallowed hard. He closed his eyes before looking back to Neil.

“Are you going to study with that guy?”

“Not if you don’t want me to.” Neil honestly didn’t know if the guy was flirting, but if it was something Andrew took this seriously, he would take it seriously, too.

“I don’t want you to.” He took out his pack of cigarettes but didn’t light another one. He just flipped it over and over in his hands.

“Why?” Neil couldn’t help but ask.

Andrew looked at him, pale and washed out from the artificial lights, but eyes still bright as they landed on his.

“Because you are everything, too.”

 AO3

[all-for-adam-parrish]

Neil walked toward the door of his apartment and as he got close to it, he slipped his hand through his pocket and felt the shape of the key in it, he had memorized the shape of that key way long ago, it was the key to his apartment, to his and Andrew's apartment.

He smiled as he draw the key out, and opened the door, as soon as he walked in, he was greeted with the blazing sound of the rock n roll music that Andrew must've been playing in the kitchen, he dropped his bag on the orange couch that he had chosen when he went shopping with Andrew five years ago and went to the kitchen and stood there staring at Andrew making himself a drink, Neil shut the music down only for Andrew to look up and stare at Neil then he went back to his drink "hi" said Neil "hey" answered Andrew without looking up, Neil moved to be closer to Andrew and sat on the kitchen counter right beside him, Andrew was done with making his drink but he handed it to Neil, Neil took it whiteout questions while Andrew started making one for himself, minutes later and they were both drinking, Neil sitting on the counter and Andrew standing beside him, they said nothing, just stared at eachother.

Andrew went to the balcony carrying his second drink and neil followed him, they sat together on the couch as Andrew lit the cigarette he just pulled out of his pocket, Neil was staring at the sunset as he spoke "we did some practice today with the new members, they're good but not enough yet, Kevin believes they will be perfect, that they will be court, not that I don't believe him, so yeah they're practicing with Kevin mostly, it's up to him really, you?" He looked at Andrew as he finished waiting for him to answer, Andrew looked back at him and put his drink down getting closer to Neil's face collapsing the space between them "yes or no?" By now neil knew Andrew will always ask no matter how much neil told him it's always a yes Andrew won't stop asking, neil knew that and so he won't stop saying yes, "yes" said neil and crashed his lips with the other, it was rough and aggressive just like always but neil didn't need it to be gentle, he felt the taste of the sore drink and cigarettes in his mouth as Andrew was sucking on his bottom lip, he moved his hand up to be in Andrew's hair brushing it lightly, after a good time of kissing and light touching Andrew draw away, still close to neil enough to hear his breathing, one hand on Neil's chest and the other behind his neck "nothing new, lectures, annoying teenagers" neil was still tagging at Andrew's hair when he answered "good enough, I will go shower, care to join?" Andrew moved his hand from Neil's chest to his cheek slowly tracing the remains of three lines that cut his left cheek "can't, I had to feed the cats" said Andrew and nodded neil in understanding then he picked Andrew's cheek and got up to shower while Andrew went to feed their two little cats

[paradoxolotl]

Are there any quotes or moments from any of your fics that you've had to leave out of the final product? Like, deleted scenes. If so, do you feel like sharing?...(Particularly Inked Truths because I'm obsessed with it. I fell in love with BoM, read it multiple times. When I found out you were doing a prequel I was very excited and have not been disappointed since.) (I also love TftR but it makes sad.)...Absolutely no pressure. If you don't want to answer please just ignore this, I'll understand.

Truths for the Roof didn’t lose anything but Inked lost a bit. Really, it was just redone to flow better and fit the characterization better, or moved somewhere later on in the series. I’m more likely to add then take away. It’s pretty rare I scrap something completely, and usually find somewhere else to put it, even if it’s a different fic. But originally BOM was very different. Andrew was medicated and Aaron knew Neil Josten from class.

Here’s a scene that was reworked in Ink Blotted Memories ~

Aaron did his best to avoid Andrew after that. He made himself busy at work, hauling dishes back and forth and hanging out with the bouncers on his breaks. When they were home Andrew was usually shut up in his room or outside smoking which made avoiding him all the easier, giving Aaron space to dick around on the TV or be in his room. Nicky still tried to involve both of them in stupid bonding activities like family dinners and movie nights. When they did happen, it was tense and uncomfortable, mostly filled with Nicky’s inane chatter. Aaron purposely did not look at his brother on these nights. He was torn between wanting Andrew’s acknowledgment and wishing he had never found out about him.

He marked his days with video games and his nights with alcohol and cracker dust, counting the days until he could once again use school as a distraction.

And the entire original Brother of Mine, which I rewrote most of when I got partway through ~

Aaron could still remember lying in his bed in his mother’s house, body bruised and hurting, wishing to have someone who could help him. Someone to make things better. To stand with him and hold him up when he was so close to crumbling. Learning about a long-lost twin felt like something out of a movie. An answered prayer. Finally, Aaron would have someone, a brother, who he could talk to. He imagined late night talks and secrets shared between them. They would have a bond so strong that nothing could come between them.

Andrew’s response of ‘fuck off’ had felt like a back-hand across his face.

Still, he held out hope. He was told to try again in the Spring, and that was what he planned on doing. Even when Andrew was sent to juvie, Aaron held onto his hope of a brother who would care about him. They were twins after all, how hard could it be?

The first time he had met Andrew face to face, Uncle Luther beside him and a metal table separating them, Aaron’s idea of what their relationship would be went up in smoke. His face was looking back at him, but there was no expression, no emotion at all. A blankness that revealed nothing of what he was thinking. It was hard to make eye contact with Andrew, his eyes sharp enough to be cut on. Andrew didn’t speak to Aaron at all that first visit; he just stared at him with a flat glare the entire time.

And yet he still came to South Carolina to live with Aaron. Aaron desperately wanted for Andrew to open up to him when they lived together. He thought he had to, now that they shared a room. He also hoped that home would get better, now that Andrew was home. Maybe mom would get better, would stop being so stressed. So angry.

It only took one incident for Aaron to believe Andrew was untouchable. They were in the backyard so Andrew could smoke, both sipping from a bottle of vodka Andrew had acquired. He had only moved in a week ago, and so far, things had been quiet. Aaron had no new bruises, but Andrew’s blank stare made him warry. The slam of the front door had made Aaron flinch, Andrew’s cold eyes tracking the movement. Aaron could hear their mother calling for him, her words tight with anger. Remembering the pills he had swiped earlier in the day, he swallowed back the lump in his throat and went inside.

He remembers her screaming. He remembers the pain of a hand across his cheek. Then there was Andrew, her wrist gripped in his hand, twisted far enough to make her bend at an awkward angle. It was then that Aaron saw the first expression on his twin’s face, and it terrified him. His lips had curled back in a snarl, his eyes bright with an anger Aaron had never seen before.

It was that night that Andrew had offered Aaron a deal. They would stick together, just the two of them, and Andrew would protect him. Aaron believed this was the answer to what he had been asking for. Finally, he wouldn’t be alone. He made his promise to Andrew.

Months passed, and Aaron was still collecting bruises. It was almost worse now, to have a witness to his suffering. Someone who had promised him protection but couldn’t stop everything.

Then, the accident where Aaron was left with only Andrew. Just the two of them.

The funeral where Andrew’s arm was in a sling, a cigarette hanging from his mouth, and a strange gleam in his eye as the dirt was poured on their mother’s grave.

Nicky coming back from Germany, taking them in.

Moving into a new house and Andrew installing a lock on his door.

The agony of being locked in that bathroom, withdrawal clawing his body to shreds.

The slow isolation at school, Andrew refusing to let anyone close.

Nicky’s assault and the mandated therapy.

That awful laughter and empty smile.

And Aaron had to wonder if instead of his prayers being answered, he had been cursed.

~~~

Things began changing the spring of their freshman year of college.

When they first joined the Foxes, there was a clear divide between Aaron’s family and the others immediately. Any interactions ended in spitting insults at best and violence more than not. The others feared Andrew and his knives, circling their group like alley cats. Not that the three of them were much better. Nicky constantly antagonized the others, and the twins’ general lack of effort to get along definitely rubbed a few people the wrong way. The Columbia trips solidified their isolation from the others. Honestly, Aaron couldn’t care less about getting along with his teammates. He would leave them alone as long as they did the same. He was here for a degree, not friends.

Now, they had officially been knocked out of the championships. Not that Aaron could bring himself to care, but games days usually also meant Columbia, and Aaron desperately wanted to get off campus. Between the upperclassmen, Day’s bitching over the season and Nicky’s whining, Aaron was looking forward to drinks, crackers, and music loud enough to lose yourself in.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t go without Andrew. His twin was currently perched on his desk by the window, smoking and staring out at the campus, fingers rapidly tapping. Normally they would already be packed up and gone by now, but they hadn’t gone once in over a month. At first Aaron thought it was because of exy, but then Andrew would disappear from the dorms for hours at a time, much to Day’s frustration. The only reason Aaron even noticed this as odd was because his brother rarely left Day alone. He never told them why they stopped going, or where he disappeared to, and any complaints fell on deaf ears.

“Come on Andrew!” Nicky whined, “We never go to Columbia anymore!”

Andrew’s laughter made Aaron’s jaw tick. “Oh, poor Nicky, don’t you know that no means no?”

“But why not?” Nicky was still going.

Aaron didn’t know why Nicky thought he could reason with Andrew. Unless you were Renee the best result from interacting with him would be victim to a cutting insult or dismissal. Worst case you’d need stitches.

His phone buzzing in his hand distracted him from the conversation happening. Looking at the screen, he felt a wave of relief wash over him, soothing the tension in his shoulders.

Katelyn

You played great today! It’s too bad the season is over

Katelyn was an instant balm to Aaron’s anger. It was still new, this thing between them. They had met in their intro biology class and had spent many late hours at the library studying. She had been the first person at Palmetto who had bothered to get to know Aaron for him, not just as ‘Andrew’s twin’. At first, he was a sullen asshole, but her endless patience and positivity snuck past his defenses and made a place for her in Aaron’s very bones. The only issue was they had to sneak around; Aaron couldn’t risk Andrew finding out about her.

Glancing up to make sure Andrew was still distracted with Nicky, Aaron settled further into his beanbag.

Aaron

Whatever it’s just stickball

Katelyn

Still, I’ll miss watching you ;)

Aaron had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the smile off his face.

Katelyn

How’s Columbia?

Aaron

Wouldn’t know we’re still in the Tower

Katelyn

Think you could sneak out for a bit?

We’re in that bar with the turtle

Nicky’s yelp brought Aaron’s attention back to the room in front of him. Andrew was still on the desk, but Aaron caught the glint of metal as a knife was put back in one of his armbands. His eyes followed Nicky as he retreated to the bedroom, face split in his usual grin. When the door closed behind Nicky, Andrew’s eyes snapped to Aaron, pinning him to his spot. Aaron glared back, daring Andrew to say something to him. To say anything.

Instead, Andrew flicked his cigarette out the window, slammed in shut, and left the dorm completely. Aaron wasn’t sure if he was disappointed or not.

He sat there for a moment, fingers tapping on his phone. If this was going to be following his typical pattern over the past few weeks, Andrew would be gone for hours, and wouldn’t notice if Aaron left. He would just need to be back before Andrew. Really, it wasn’t that hard of a decision.

Aaron

Be there in twenty.

Katelyn

<3

Grabbing his jacket, Aaron hurried out of the dorm, eager to get away. Even if it wasn’t Columbia, even if it was with the Vixens, any time with Katelyn was worth it.

Aaron didn’t look up as he left the Tower. If he did, he might have seen a heavy stare and two lit cigarettes.

~~~

Summer came, and somehow Betsy had convinced the courts to change Andrew’s medication. Something about an incorrect diagnosis or dosage. Aaron wasn’t sure how they thought an Andrew off the pills would be any better, but no one asked him for his opinion.

The upside was that Aaron had weeks free of his oppressive twin, and he could spend as much time with Katelyn as he wanted. It was the first time in years Aaron felt like there was no weight pulling him down, like he could finally breathe.

It was in those few perfect weeks that Aaron came to a decision.

He couldn’t lose this.

~~~

Andrew had come back from Easthaven reverted back to the emptiness of when Aaron had first met him. He had barely said a word to anyone since he came back, simply leveling that bored glare at them whenever someone tried to speak to him. Whenever Aaron saw him, he was fiddling on that damn flip phone, barely acknowledging his surroundings. Even the upperclassmen had noticed his attachment to the device.

It was during a meeting before the first game of the new season that someone finally snapped.

“Damn it, Andrew, what are you doing?” When Kevin got really angry, his face flushed. Right now, he was approaching tomato.

Andrew snapped his phone shut, “Nothing.”

“Bullshit, you need to focus. Our first game is tomorrow, and we are nowhere near ready.”

“Maybe,” Andrew drawled, “instead of worrying about me, you should focus on what you’ll do when you see Riko again.”

It was a low blow, but effective. Kevin immediately fell silent, his skin changing from red to white so quickly Aaron was surprised he didn’t faint. Edgar Allen had joined their district after Kevin announced that he would be joining the Fox line-up. Last year Kevin had showed up, hand bloody and broken, looking for sanctuary. Apparently, Riko had broken his hand in a fit of rage. Kevin had tried to sue, but with the connections and money behind the Moriyama name, it was ruled as an accident. The public backlash of that along with Kevin’s transfer to the Foxes had caused several headaches last year.

“Jesus, Andrew,” Nicky whispered.

Andrew opened his phone again. No one else tried to speak to him for the rest of the meeting.

~~~

It was a new bet among the Foxes: what Andrew was doing on his phone. Everyone agreed that it was pretty clear he was texting someone, but the question was who. Some believed it was a secret girlfriend, while others were still convinced Renee and Andrew were together. Others thought it had to be something illegal.

Aaron knew what he thought, and he silently watched and cataloged information away.

~~~

The season was going terribly. They were winning games by the skin of their teeth and they were more divided than ever. Seth and Kevin couldn’t stop fighting, their newest striker was a nervous wreck, and Andrew didn’t give a shit.

Their last game was against the Ravens, and they had been destroyed. Now, Wymack and Dan were looking for a win.

They were in the locker room getting ready for the game when Andrew’s phone began to ring. Aaron didn’t recognize the song Andrew used, but he knew he normally used the default setting for his ringtone. Andrew picked up before Aaron could think too much on it.

“What?”

At this point everyone was staring at him, not even trying to act like they weren’t eavesdropping.

Andrew scoffed, “Junkie,” he said before snapping his phone shut, tossing it into his locker, and slamming it door closed. A moment later he was stalking out of the locker room.

Silence was left behind in his wake until Nicky broke it, “So it isn’t a girlfriend?”

When the team was gathered again (...missing...)

~~~

(...missing...)Today though, Aaron needed to talk to him.

The chances of Andrew brushing off any attempt Aaron made to speak to him were high, so Aaron waited until Andrew would have to acknowledge him. On Wednesday, when Andrew walked into Reddin, Aaron was waiting for him.

~~~

“Fuck off,” Aaron growled.

Josten had that stupid smirk on his face, his finger tapping on his test score. It wasn’t even that Aaron did bad. It was that Josten did better. He always did better in this stupid class. Aaron hated statistics, but apparently Josten was a math major and took every opportunity to show him up.

From day one Aaron had disliked him. He had plopped down beside Aaron, ratty clothes and shaggy hair, and called him ‘the second Minyard’. Not only was he a complete ass, but he was completely unnerving. His eyes were a blue so pale they were almost glacial, and his face and arms were covered in slashes and burn scars.

Once, Aaron had overheard someone call him ‘Scarface’, and Josten had just asked, with a terrifying grin, if they were looking for some to match.

And Aaron was stuck in a room with him twice a week.

Josten tsked at him, still tapping at his score. “What? Still second?”

“Fuck off,” Aaron really wasn’t in the mood.

He just hummed, pulling his phone out, a god damn flip phone, and spent the next few minutes ignoring the review happening. Aaron could barely focus as Josten texted away; each click grating on Aaron’s already frayed nerves.

Aaron wasn’t even sure how Josten did so well; he spent most of the class doodling in his notebook.

[strongqueercharacters]

preview of the next chapter of my aftg AU 'a little closer to home'

Aaron dropped onto the porch beside him, but given Andrew some space, and concerningly he had their “talking whiskey” with him. The talking whiskey had been so named by Nicky back before high school graduation when he realized all the twins important conversations happened on the porch over a bottle.

Andrew looked up from his book and  took a drag of his cigarette as he looked at his brother properly. This was about Drake, Andrew could tell from how Aaron looked close to getting sick. He put the book aside.

‘I get it now.’ Aaron started quietly.

‘Get what?’ Andrew asked dryly.

‘Tilda.’

That hadn’t been what Andrew expected and Aaron unscrewed the cap. When he looked Andrew in the eye, he knew they were both remembering a different day, a different bottle of the same whiskey, and a different conversation about Tilda.

‘I thought understood you killing her before,’ Aaron continued after a swig and passing the bottle over. ‘When Nicky was attacked, I thought I understood. I was furious and sick about those men, but I don’t know… it didn’t feel so close to home?’ He winced, clearly dissatisfied with that choice of words but Andrew hummed lightly, showing he understood that much at least. ‘Dra – ’ Aaron choked on it. ‘He wasn’t some drunk stranger, he was supposed to be your family and I would kill him. I’ve considered fourteen different ways to do it without getting caught if he gets out on parole.’

‘Aaron,’ Andrew gave him a warning growl. ‘He’s never getting within a mile of you if I’m still breathing.’

His brother shook his head. ‘That’s what I mean. You’re always protecting me. I’ve never had to really think about what I would do if someone hurt you. Even knowing what I did about some of your foster homes, it still seemed so impossible. It was one thing when you’re a little kid but you’re Andrew. Unshakeable, right?’ Aaron scoffed at himself. ‘But Renee could’ve really hurt you, even if it wasn’t her fault, and this… this latest shit Riko pulled, that hurt you. So I thought I’d forgiven you for mom already, but I realized there was a part left of me that didn’t understand. I do now.’

‘Should you be planning murder, anyway?’ Andrew shoved the whiskey back at him, looking away. ‘Probably makes you a shitty doctor.’

‘Fuck you,’ Aaron laughed. ‘I still hate you, shithead.’

‘Yeah, hate you too.’ Andrew finished his smoke and decided that was quite enough subtly for one night. ‘Me being gay going to be a thing?’

‘It hasn’t been yet,’ Aaron threw him a confused look. ‘Oh. You mean now that Nicky knows I know?’

‘What.’ Andrew narrowed his eyes.

Aaron continued to look nonplussed. ‘Andrew, we’re identical twins.’

‘We’re not telepathic.’ He scoffed.

‘No,’ Aaron rolled his eyes dramatically. ‘But we look identical and both go to a dimly lit nightclub, full of guys you’ve hooked up with, who apparently can’t tell us apart.’

‘Stop talking,’ Andrew growled over Aaron low laughter.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ Aaron quietened down. ‘Look, teasing aside, I’m sorry coming out wasn’t your choice. I always worried, before, that it was just me you didn’t want to tell but… I guess it more complicated than that.’

‘Usually is.’

‘And I think Nicky was genuinely sucker punched if you want the whole, surprise, coming out experience,’ Aaron did jazz hands along with “surprise” and Andrew slapped him upside the head to knock the smirk off.

‘Fuck off.’ They lapsed into companionable silence. Andrew waited until Aaron had taken another mouthful of whiskey before saying ‘I’m hooking up with Neil.’

The phrase was too small for what he was doing with Neil but Andrew wasn’t ready for the soul-searching any other terminology of require and it was worth putting words to at all just to watch Aaron choke and cough.

‘Not so all-knowing after all, brother of mine,’ Andrew got up, smirking, and head back inside leaving his twin swearing after him.