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donteattheappleshook · 4 months

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Not Broken At All Chapter 16/?

Summary:

A season 1 Neverland AU. Emma is still trying to adjust to her new life as Sheriff of Storybrooke and mom to Henry, who still believes everyone in town is a fairytale creature. When she finds a badly beaten, one handed man while patrolling, she’s convinced he’s crazy. He is, after all, rambling about fairies and shadows and crocodiles. But when Henry is suddenly taken out the window of a house everyone believes is haunted, the madman in the hospital might be her only hope of getting her son back. Whether he likes it or not.

Rated E

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Oh hey, remember me? Remember this story I haven't updated in a year…… Please don't hate me lol Sorry for how long this took - this chapter was just impossible to write and time just kept passing. I'm hoping there won't be such a long break again but I know better than to make promises.

Hopefully some of you are still reading this and enjoy this new chapter!

Note that I made a small change to the last chapter (which fixed this one). You don't have to read it, just know that the lost boys who died on the beach are still out there.

Anyway… here you go! Sorry!

Thank you as always to @the-darkdragonfly for letting me just throw ideas at you about this story all the time and putting up with all the changes! 💕💕 And thank you @kmomof4 for looking this over and helping me decide on the ending 💕 (You can blame her! I kid... mostly)

Small content/trigger warning: This chapter includes more of the aftermath of the hunt. There are no children actively hurt in this chapter but there are bodies and burials and grief.

*******

Part 16

“Mom?”

The thundering of her heart rips her from sleep, hollow and echoing with the blood rushing in her ears, painful in her chest. But there’s only darkness in the small room of the ship, eyes wide and unfocused, the remnants of a dream she can’t remember still making shapes in the dark. She could have sworn she heard it, like it was there in the room with her. But there's no one here - only Killian still in the bed next to her, the arm that had held her close before now outstretched beneath her as he sleeps. A dream. Neverland playing tricks on her - or one of the lost boys above deck calling out to the dark for their mother.

“Momma?” That one’s real, quieter. One of the children must have found a way down, wandering the halls looking for someone he’ll never find. “Mummy…” That one is heartbreaking. She rises from the bed, Killian not stirring as she slips from the sheets and makes her way quietly across and out of the room. The boys were told not to come down here - better she find whoever it is than one of the pirates. “Mom?” There’s no one there to accompany the sound in the dim light of the lantern outside the cabin and she hesitates, looking towards where the disembodied voice came from. Whoever they are, it sounds like they’re making their way back to the deck on their own… “Mom?”

The word cuts through her, paralyzes her, heart so tight in her chest she can’t breathe. Henry. She knows his voice - already so deeply ingrained in every part of her being after such a short time that hearing it now is like a piece of herself lost and calling out to be found.

“Emma?” Softer, getting further away from her - losing him all over again. Her bare feet make no sound as she runs past the crew’s quarters, past the bosun’s room and the galley towards the deck. The door creaks wearily as she climbs the steps and opens it to the night air. The lost boys are asleep - all of them - every single one exhausted from the horrors of the day and she pads carefully through the bodies - sleeping and dead - searching. Henry’s not among them. The ship holds that eerie Neverland silence she can’t get used to, no crashing of waves or rustle of wind, the faint discordant song of the Lorelei the only hiss of sound as it floats in and out on the sea.

“Mom?”

Her eyes snap to the back of the Jolly. “Henry?” she hisses.

“Mom!” Emma nearly stumbles over a sleeping child as she tries to catch up to him before he’s lost to her again. He found her. Of course he did, just like before. She should have known he would. She rounds the helm, heart pounding so violently it reaches the stern before she does. But there’s no one there, again, just an empty deck where a child should be, where her son should be.

“Where are you?” There’s nowhere else to search, only the sea that surrounds them.

“Emma?” Wendy is standing in front of her, head cocked. “What are you doing up here?”

She looks towards where her son should be, where the voice no longer calls out to her. There’s nothing there, no one, just the sleeping boys, just Will.

“Did you see him?”

“See who?”

“Henry. Did you see him? Did you see where he went?”

“Henry? There’s no one else up here. It’s just me and the new recruits. You must have been dreaming.”

“I know what I heard. I know my son.” The other woman’s expression turns pitying and Emma’s shoulders tense. “I heard him.”

Wendy’s frown deepens and when she speaks her voice has the same tone that hers had when she’d been trying to calm Hook in the hospital, the one you use to console a crazy person. “I’m sure you did.”

“It wasn’t a dream.” But even as she says it she starts to doubt her own words. There’s no sign of him, no sign that he was ever here. Wendy wouldn’t lie about that.

She sighs. “I believe you.” She does, but she also doesn’t believe Henry’s on the ship either. Emma goes to the ship’s edge, careful not to trip over any sprawled limbs, and squints out at the beach against the sun that’s just starting to rise. Maybe he’s not on the Jolly. Maybe he’s somewhere out there. There’s no sign of him on the blood soaked sand and relief settles like a stone in her throat even as the fear of not knowing where he is rises up again. “Neverland plays tricks, Emma.” Wendy joins her at the bow, leaning against the rail, back straight and alert as she looks out at the carnage before them. “You can’t trust anything you hear. The shadows’ll do anything to lure you out.”

“The shadows?”

A nod. “They see into your dreams, see what it is you want most and use it against you. It’s how so many of the boys end up here in the first place.” Wendy’s shoulders sag a little, looking out at the bodies on the beach. It’s the closest Emma’s seen her come to breaking the hard mask she’s worn so well since the hunt started - the real person behind the cold captain. “And now they’ll never leave.”

“What happens to the bodies?” she asks, looking back at the dead, carefully wrapped in sheets on the deck.

“We bury the ones who made it here at sea. Neverland takes back the rest.”

Emma frowns, eyes darting to the shore. “What do you mean it takes them back?”

“They become the shadows that live in Dark Hollow, whispering to Pan, finding children, his way of keeping an eye on the outside world. He’ll come at sundown to collect them.”

“They become the shadows?” she swallows, cold dread tasting bitter at the thought of all those kids having to become Pan’s creatures, forced to do his bidding forever. “The boys?”

Wendy nods and her stomach drops.

“What about the ones who died here? Will they be shadows too?”

She shakes his head. “Neverland magic can’t touch this ship. Whatever enchantment’s on it is powerful enough to keep even the darkness away.” Neverland can’t find you here.

Emma hears her sigh when she looks back out at that beach. “Don’t even think about it.” She’s thinking about it. “He gets to keep his winnings. Those are the rules of the game. Those rules keep us alive.”

She doesn’t answer, only gives the captain a small nod, thoughts still spinning with the cruelty of it all, that even in death these children can’t escape Pan. Wendy puts a hand on her shoulder, the gesture surprisingly consoling, the mask slipping again. “You’re not the only one who wishes it could be different.”

Emma nods, grim and defeated, and Wendy pats her shoulder with a tight-lipped smile before turning towards where some of the children have started to stir.

She wishes she could say she thought about it longer, or at all, really. But all she can think of is every single kid she knew growing up, all the ones who fell through the cracks, the ones who were given up on or abandoned, all the adults who threw up their hands and said there was nothing they could do - that was just how the system worked, that rules had to be followed. Fuck that.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Wendy’s shout echoes above her, cut off by the water when she plunges into it. It takes her deeper than she expected it to, the fall further than she thought, but she kicks wildly, eyes burning against the salt until she breaks the surface. And then she’s swimming, boots and vest heavy against the waves, hat lost somewhere between the ship and the surface, but she keeps going. She can make this swim, she’s made it before - and she has a purpose now.

She stumbles as she climbs onto the beach, the tide pulling at her knees and then her ankles like it’s trying to draw her back to where it’s safe. Emma fights it, running and slipping across the sand once it’s hot and dry beneath her feet and collapsing beside the first boy she finds. He’s tall and wiry, limbs stretched out, calf-like, not yet grown into his elbows and knees. And now he never will.

She kneels beside him, stroking his cheek before closing his eyes. Salt water drips onto his skin, turning dried blood fresh again as she tells him she’s sorry - that this happened, that she couldn't do anything to stop it, that Pan gets to keep living. She doesn’t know how long she just sits there with him, looking out at all the other kids who won’t ever go home.

“Swan…” No. She’s not going back - not leaving them here. She slides her arms under the boy’s shoulders, heaving his limp, heavy frame onto her chest, not sure how she plans to get him back to the ship, just that she will. “Swan.” She ignores it, digging her heels into the sand, trying to plant them under her enough that she can get to her feet. But it slips away beneath her boots and she falls on her ass again and again. She’s not leaving him here. She’s not leaving any of them here.

“Swan.”

“What!” she snaps, barely looking up at him, wet hair plastered to his face, coat left behind, shirt soaked in water and salt. She can’t get her legs steady enough beneath her, can’t lift the kid any higher into her arms, so she starts to drag him back across the beach, holding tight to his chest as she makes it inch by inch, blonde head rolling limply against her shoulder.

“Emma,” Killian says softly when she stumbles, she and the boy fall back against the sand. If he says her name one more goddamn time… His hand is gentle on her arm, stopping her as she moves to stand again and she looks up, ready for a fight, whatever she has to, but she’s taking this kid back to his stupid, magical ship where he can rest in fucking peace.

But his gaze isn’t scolding, not a warning or even pity and he reaches for the boy in her arms, taking his weight from her and hoisting him over his shoulder. He fixes her carefully with a solemn, resolved stare when she stands to meet his gaze. “There’ll be consequences.”

She looks back towards the shoreline where Will and Wendy are standing by the dinghy. “Do you care?” she asks him, turning to the others, “Do any of you care?” There are more coming out of the water now, pirates and lost boys marching onto the beach.

The residual anger fades from Wendy’s eyes, hardening into something different, and then she kneels beside a small body, this one looking too young to have been on this side of the hunt. “John didn’t make it off the beach,” is all she says before lifting him from the sand and meeting Emma’s eyes with equal determination.

Will shrugs. “Pan already wants me dead,” he says, bending to pick up another child, cradling the boy to his chest. “Might as well be for a good reason.”

Slowly, the others begin doing the same, gathering the fallen, some searching for brothers, friends, others finding any they can carry. Emma follows Killian’s gaze to where two older kids come to the aid of a young boy trying to pick up a bigger body that bears him a painful resemblance - a brother no doubt. She doesn’t miss the way Killian watches them carry him across the beach, the younger boy not letting go of his brother’s sleeve. He’d lost his brother here as well, to Pan’s cruelty. She wonders how long ago it was, wonders if any amount of time matters.

Emma follows Killian as he brings the tall boy’s body to the dinghy and sets him down gently.

“So what now, Swan?” he says, turning to look at the Lost Boys gathering their fallen friends, “You’ve declared war on Pan. And these boys will follow you to the end now. Where will you lead them?”

Emma spares another glance at the beach, at the pirates that were Lost Boys and the Lost Boys that will be pirates, all of them stolen from their lives and their families for Pan’s enjoyment. “Home. When this is over, and Pan is dead, we’re taking them home. All of them.”

“Aye,” he says, with an edge of something she can’t place in his voice, his gaze holding hers just a moment too long before he moves to collect another body, damp skin and drying shirt becoming stained with someone else’s blood. He hesitates, casting a glance back at her. “They aren’t the only ones who’ll follow you,” he tells her before turning and walking back towards the shore.

***

There are twice as many bodies on the deck as there had been last night, a sea of white cloth laid out on the bow of the Jolly like snowfall, twice as many ghosts wrapped in sheets waiting to be buried at sea. There are twice as many lost boys too, half of them no longer cowering by the edge of the ship’s rail, gazing longingly out at the island they’d just escaped. Instead they stand in rows, backs straight and heads bowed, already falling in line, already soldiers as they wait for their captain to speak.

They’d sailed further from land than Emma’s been since they first arrived, the water deeper here, where no light can reach the depths even with the sun burning high and bright above them, and no shadows can be cast. “They’re weakest when the sun is at its peak, where the light can’t cast them further,” Wendy had explained. “At night though… at night the whole world is shadow.”

Killian stands tense before them, Wendy and Will at his side, the two captains and their first mates. There’s something off in the line of his shoulders, in the way his thumb keeps sliding over the rings he wears. She’d seen him in the aftermath of the hunt, surrounded by the bodies, used to death and slaughter and cruelty. He’d held back then, composed and calm as always around the boys and young men that had survived. But as he looks at the sea of white, the cannonballs tied to their ankles that will drag them all down into the darkness where the shadows can’t reach them, she can see him losing that tenuous grip on his cool indifference. So can Wendy, if the hint of sympathy barely cracking through her own harsh disguise is anything to go on.

When she thinks that he might not manage it, that his first mate might have to step in and take over, he lets out a bitter sigh. “Best not to draw it out.” Will steps forward, he and Killian lifting the closest body onto a plank balanced on the rail, held steady by two of the older crewmen - both barely out of their teens - preparing to tilt the body into the sea.

Before he can raise his hand to signal the order, a small boy appears at his side, and Killian freezes. Emma hadn’t seen him break rank, hadn’t seen him make his way across the deck - no more than seven or eight years old. She recognizes him, the one who’d been trying to carry his brother on the beach. She wonders what he could have possibly done for Pan to decide he’d had his fill of time in Neverland.

The boy’s coat is tattered and dirty from however long he’d been in the jungle, and her reaches into it to pull something out, and then stretches as far as he can to reach across the body that’s nearly at eye level with him. And there, in the center of white sheet, he sets a baseball card down on the fallen boy’s chest.

Emma doesn’t breath, the men holding the plank staring at the card, everyone on deck silent and frozen. The child moves to Killian’s side then, tugging at the thick leather of his sleeve until the captain leans down and gives the boy his attention. “Jack.”

A strange sort of uncertainty falls over the crowd at the sound of the lost boy’s name. This is clearly not how things are done. Even the newest recruits shift uncomfortably - waiting. She watches the understanding settle in the line of Killian’s shoulders as he nods at the newest member of his crew. After a moment, one of the men who’d been holding the plank reaches out and tucks the card into the folds of the sail and then looks to his captain. Killian turns to the boy before nodding again.

“Jack,” he repeats, loud enough for everyone to hear.

There’s barely a splash as the body disappears beneath the surface, hardly a sound in that chilling stillness that Neverland possessed, but it resonates across the deck and Emma feels something shift. Wendy moves to help lift the next body onto the plank as Killian waits. A name is called from somewhere near the back, too quiet to place among the rows of former lost boys, but Killian repeats it as he had first one and there’s a moment of solemnness before another splash echoes across the deck.

He names each of them -they all do - friends and brothers calling out to identify the fallen, to remember them before they’re laid to rest where Pan will never find them, where he’ll never hurt them again.

***

“What do you think he’ll do?”

Killian looks up at her standing in his doorway, shirt slipping over his head, catching on his hook. “Pan?” He sets to working the fabric free, hair windswept and sticking up at strange angles, skin still marked with the blood of the children he’d carried.

Emma nods. He’d said there’d be consequences and she hasn’t been able to stop thinking about it since they’d gotten the last boy off the beach and onto the ship, his body wrapped in a sheet and sent to the depths with the others.

“I don’t know, but he won’t be happy.”

She worries her lip between her teeth, casting a glance down the hall to the steps where overhead the boys are being introduced to their new life of piracy. “Darling makes ‘em spend days scrubbing the ship clean when they first come aboard. Says it ‘builds character’,” Will had explained. “Let it go already - it’s been nine years.”

“Not having second thoughts, are you?”

She shakes her head. She knows she did the right thing, that the children that died yesterday deserved some amount of dignity, of care, even in death, that those who lived deserved to see that they mattered, that they would be missed, that they wouldn’t be cast aside or forgotten. And that they wouldn’t be forced to be a tool in Pan’s neverending need for more playthings.

“No, but I guess… I guess I didn’t consider that the consequences might not just be mine.” He could come for any of them. As far as Pan knows, she doesn’t exist. But Killian and Wendy, Will and everyone else on this ship could fall victim to Pan’s anger because of her.

“Every person out there made a choice today, Swan. Something they haven’t been able to do in a very long time.” He finally gets the shirt free of his brace and lifts his gaze to hers. “Whatever consequences befall us now, the burden will be all of ours to bear. Not just yours.” He waits until she nods in agreement, then moves to dip his hand and hook into a basin, Emma watching as the water turns a murky red. “I will say though, Swan, I pity Pan for when he finally finds himself on the wrong side of your wrath. You’ve turned all of Neverland against him, even his own.”

“I think he did that himself when he tried to kill them.”

Killian shakes his head, grabbing a dampened cloth with his hook and scrubbing at the blood and sand dried to his hand. “The fact that they’d defy Pan and choose their fallen friends… the fact that half of them didn’t run for the treeline to beg him to take them back… You’ve changed something, love. You’ve done more for the creatures of this island in a week than any of us have managed in centuries.”

“I couldn’t just do nothing,” she mutters, crossing her arms and shrugging awkwardly.

Killian gives a short, humourless laugh, avoiding her gaze, scrubbing harder as the cloth continues to slip from his hook. “Believe me, Swan, it’s very easy to do nothing.”

Emma takes a step into the room. “You didn’t do nothing.”

“I didn’t do nearly as much as I could have.”

“Stop it,” she scolds, crossing the space between them and taking the rag from him. He startles as she grabs his wrist, running the cloth over the blood caked into his palm. She knows her hair and clothes probably look just as bad - everyone out on the deck today carrying the stain of Pan’s cruelty on their skin. “You did what you could while staying alive. You can’t protect people if you’re dead. You can’t protect your crew, and you can’t protect the kids Pan sends your way if you’re dead.” He doesn’t have an answer to that. Good.

They stand in silence as she finishes her task. When she can’t pretend to be cleaning the now non-existent blood anymore - the most stubborn bit finally wiped clean - when she can’t avoid saying what she came to say anymore, she sighs. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“I know you could have just as easily made me leave them there on the beach - that it probably would have been the safer choice.”

She rests the cloth in his open hand, focusing on it instead of him. She’s not great at this ‘thank you’ thing, at people understanding her the way he had on the shore today.

“I don’t think anyone could make you do anything easily, Swan,” he teases and she shrugs, matching his hesitant smirk. “And it may have been the safe thing to do, but it wouldn’t have been the right thing.” His fingers curl around hers, keeping her there and drawing her attention back to him. “I should thank you as well.”

“For what?” she echoes, frowning. She’s pretty sure she’s done nothing but cause problems for him since she got here.

“For reminding me that I can still choose to do the right thing. I’d started to believe I’d forgotten how.”

Her frown deepens. “Killian, you’ve done the right thing since -'' always, she wants to say, since she met him and made him bring her back here. He’s done right by her and her son and everyone else here from the beginning.

“Since you chained me to that bloody sick bed,” he finishes, smirking again even as he shakes his head in disbelief, thumb is stroking across her knuckles - she doesn’t think he means to be doing it. “I don’t seem to have the option where you’re concerned. It’s exhausting, really.” Emma does her best not to laugh, not when he takes a step closer, fingers curling more purposefully around hers, the metal of his ring cool against her skin as he drops the cloth, eyes focused on hers like he’s trying to find an answer in them. Voice soft, the teasing gone now he breathes, “you’re a bloody marvel, Swan,” and he’s so damn close now that she can feel his words warm against her cheek, can smell the salt and leather and rum that clings to his skin even after a day like today.

He doesn’t move and she can’t decide if she wants him to, if the pounding of her heart stems from a desire to have him close the distance between them or from fear of what it would mean if he did. He’s watching her like he’s trying to decide the same and the words come out before she can stop them.

“Are you going to kiss me again?”

His brow quirks up in amusement, before it shifts into that smug arch that’s become so familiar. “I believe you’re the one who’s initiated all of our previous dalliances, love,” he points out and she can feel her face going hot because he’s not wrong - she’s been throwing herself at him every chance she gets since that first kiss that was meant to distract him. “But aye,” he continues before the embarrassment gives her time to second guess herself. His hand lifts to her cheek, thumb tracing over her lip. “If you’ve no objections…”

She should have some objections - like that making out with the really hot, annoyingly heroic pirate that makes her feel all kinds of confusing things she doesn’t want to be feeling is a really bad idea. But her head shakes without her permission and then he’s leaning in, carefully and agonizingly slowly until his lips only barely brush hers, the taste and heat of his mouth leaving her aching for the promise of more. She’d accuse him of teasing, only it doesn’t feel like a tease, more like a question as his lips catch hers gently, chaste and slow before pulling away and hesitating a moment longer.

Emma’s fingers reach to tangle in his hair as she resists the urge to pull him to her like she has in the past. He lets out a small sigh at her touch and she can almost taste it before his mouth is on hers again, kiss slow and deep, swallowing the small sound she lets out when his brace slides low across her back to draw her closer. He kisses her like they’ve never done this before, every brush of his lips and stroke of his tongue and exploration and she’ll never get over how strongly her body reacts to him and the all-consuming way his mouth claims hers.

She breathes his name and he lets out a low growl, hand tightening in her hair, pulling her closer, teeth dragging over her lip like he can catch the sound before soothing it with his tongue. He walks them back across the room to the door, pushing it shut, cradling her head against the impact as he presses her into the wood, mouth not leaving hers. She’s taken aback for a moment by the gentleness of his touch, but then his lips leave hers to trail the length of her neck and the shuddering heat that burns her everywhere his tongue meets her skin has her arching into him, need pooling low in her stomach.

Emma lets out a small whimper when he follows the line of her shirt to the swell of her breasts and Killian groans, pulling away, forehead resting against hers as they both pant into the space between them. “I don’t have the energy to do everything I want to do to you tonight,” he sighs.

“How about just some of it?” she asks and he laughs, hand tracing the same path his mouth had, stopping at the center of her chest, over her heart, and sounding as frustrated as she feels - but also just as exhausted. Today had been a trying day, even by Neverland standards, and they’re both weary and still covered in blood and dirt and sweat from the exertion.

“I know,” she agrees with a sigh, even if she doesn’t like it. Her hands slide from where they’d woven themselves into his hair to settle on his chest, his skin warm and soft against the coarse hair, heart beating hard under her palm. “Can I…” He waits, gaze focused on her even as she looks at the floor. She hates feeling vulnerable, but with everything that’s happened, with what Wendy told her about the shadows, and the now growing threat of an angry, vindictive Pan she just… “Can I stay?”

They hadn’t talked about it in the morning, about Emma coming to his room the night before, the ship so loud with the cries of those broken children thrust into adulthood too young, into piracy against their will. She’d been gone before he woke, chasing phantoms across the deck and jumping off ships and they’d pretended as though it had never happened. And she’d been grateful for that. It made her feel brave enough to ask now, to admit that she needed this.

He seems surprised by her question before an expression of gentle understanding softens his features. “Aye, love,” he nods, reaching to brush her probably wild and matted hair from her eyes. “I’d like that.” The hitch of her heart calms when she realizes that maybe he also doesn’t want to be alone tonight, that maybe he needs the comfort and safety of another person after all the tragedy they’ve seen these last few days.

He kisses her again, soft and gentle and easing some of the dread that’s made a home in her chest since she left Storybrooke. She thinks he meant it to be chaste, but neither of them seem in any hurry to give up the press of his mouth against hers, the reassuring comfort of his heartbeat, beneath her palm, or the warmth of his calloused fingers against her cheek, the metal of his hook, cool and grounding on her hip.

She lets it go on longer than she should for a kiss like this, one that isn’t building to anything else, that isn’t meant to excite or seduce but just to feel and savour something good for once, something easy. It’s the way she’d kissed him by the water on Solstice. It had been dangerous then and it was dangerous now.

Still, Killian is the one to pull away first, Emma chasing his lips without meaning to before he clears his throat, cheeks flushed and an expression she can’t place in his eyes as they meet hers, like the one he’d worn in the brig - perhaps I would - and suddenly it’s all so much more than it was supposed to be, than it can or should be. He must sense it too because he takes a step back, fog still not fully cleared from his gaze as he straightens.

“I should go ensure the crew are prepared for the night - that there’s a watch planned.” She peels herself off the door so that he can get by. “There’s hot water in the pitcher if you want to wash the day off,” he adds, waiting for her nod, returning it, and then darting out of the room.

Emma sags back against the closed door. What the hell are you doing? She can’t be doing… this. Whatever this is. Not here, certainly not now when she should be focused on her mission, on her son, not when the last time she came close to this was… Her fingers brush over the boot laces tied around her wrist. Look how well that had ended. Look how well it always ends.

By the time Killian returns she’s washed her hair and the worst of the grime from her skin before slipping under the covers in a stolen, clean shirt. She feigns sleep when she hears him move almost silently around the room, there’s the splash of water and the rustle of clothing as she forces her eyes to remain shut. It’s not until she knows he’s standing by the bed, hesitating, like he’s not sure he should still join her now that she’s ‘asleep’ - as though she didn’t ask him if she could spend another night in his bed- that she breaks her pretense.

“Just get in, Killian.” There’s a pause, a stillness in the air before she feels the sheets move and the bed sag beside her as he slides in, settling on his side next to her but leaving enough room that there’s no risk of them touching. And it’s a palpable distance. “Do you… do you want to sleep alone?” she asks quietly, anxious now that this isn’t one of his frustrating gentleman streaks but that he’s changed his mind, that she’s imposing, asking too much of him.

“No,” his voice is just as low as hers and she holds back a small sigh of relief.

“Please don’t make me ask…” Emma feels him calm beside her, the awkward tension leaving him as he inches closer. His fingers ghost over her shoulder for a moment before he slides his arm around her waist and pulls her back against him.

“I’m here, Swan. You don’t have to ask.” The promise is breathed into her hair, lips pressing to the crown of her head as they had the night before and Emma shuts her eyes against the tears that burn at the edges of them. “You’re safe,” he tells her again, like he knows she needs to hear it, and she nods. She knows. Even as the cries of the lost boys drift into the room from above deck and the jungle beyond, she knows.

She turns in his arms, tucking her hands beneath her cheek so she can see him, follow the outline of his jaw and neck in the moonlight that steals through the drawn curtains. Even his silhouette is beautiful, the light playing over the edges of his skin, turning it almost iridescent, and making her want to reach out and trace the curve of his bare shoulder and arm where the shadows suggest shapes in the dark.

“You are too, you know.” Killian might be one of the bravest people she’s ever met, but she knows that Pan terrifies him. And today he pissed him off - because she asked him to. “If Pan wants any of you he’s gonna have to go through me first.” Bold words as they hide beneath the covers like children hoping they won’t be found.

She doesn’t have to see his eyebrow tick up to know that it is. “Aye?”

“I’m scarier than I look.” He bites down on a laugh or a teasing comment. Her fingers found their way to his elbow at some point - she hadn’t meant to. They follow the line of his bicep, his shoulder. “I can keep you all safe.” Her voice nearly breaks on the last word - because she has to. Henry, Killian, Wendy, Will, she needs all of them to survive this. She’s lost everyone she’s cared about. She won’t add them to the list.

His finger is gentle beneath her chin as hers dance across his collarbone and she lifts her gaze to the pale blue that shines even in the dim light. “We’ll keep each other safe then,” he offers like a compromise and she nods. She can do that.

She doesn’t have to ask if he’s going to kiss her this time, and she doesn’t care enough to be conflicted by the fact that she wants him to - not here in the dark where her doubts can’t find her. His hand slides over her cheek, fingers tracing the shell of her ear to curl around the nape of her neck, like he’s mapping his way to her by touch. When he draws her in she goes willingly, mouth meeting his like muscle memory, the heat and feel and taste of him a familiar temptation that she could find blind.

He hums low in the back of his throat when her lips part beneath his in invitation, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss, tongue hot and slow against hers, using his hooked arm to pull her close, legs tangling beneath the sheets. She’s on goddamn fire as he continues to touch her with nothing but his hand in her hair, lips not straying from hers, and it’s not fucking fair because nobody should be able to push all of her buttons and make her want them so badly without even trying. And he’s not trying. This is just… how he is with her, how they are together and it’s maddening and intoxicating and she wonders if it’s always like this when you care.

Fuck. The thought stops her. Fuck, she cares. She cares if he lives or dies - if something were to happen to him… If it happened because of her, she doesn’t -

“Are you alright, love?” The words are spoken against her lips. No, she’s absolutely not. But she’s not dealing with that right now. She doesn’t want to deal with how or why or when she ended up caring so fucking much, what it could do to her, like it’s done so many times before. She shakes her head, ignoring his question, both her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him back to her, mouth slanting over his in a silent sort of plea. He returns it, though his kiss is gentler than hers, softer and less urgent than it had been a moment ago and her heart and mind grow a bit less frantic.

He changes the pace, slowing her, calming her, Emma sinking into the purposeful slide of his mouth and tongue and the tug of his fingers in her hair. He pulls away, their breath shallow and he finds her eyes in the dark again. The shadows don’t let her read his expression, but he must see something in hers because his hand slips from her hair, following the strands down her back to her waist where it flattens against her hip, slipping beneath the fabric of her stolen shirt. He moves so slowly, like he expects her to stop him, or he’s just giving her the chance to, but the heat of his palm trailing up her side is the most agonizing kind of torment and she bites hard on her lip to keep from begging as he inches across her skin.

When his hand finds her breast she lets him swallow the gasp that escapes her and the small curse she lets out when his thumb rolls over her nipple. She breathes his name when he continues to touch her, her nails digging into the back of his shoulders when he moves to nip and lick at the pulse point of her neck. He releases her only long enough to work the few buttons of her shirt open and then his mouth is on her breast and the room fills with her poorly silenced gasps and pleas as he teases her with teeth and tongue.

She’s grateful when he kisses her again, just as his fingers trail over her stomach and dip between her legs, muffling the sound that would have alerted anyone still awake to exactly what was taking place in the dark of the cabin. His touch is fucking perfect, like he’d watched her in that fairy field where he talked her over the edge because ever stroke and curl and thrust is exactly what she likes, exactly what she needs and she knows it won’t take long.

Killian falters when she reaches for him, fingers sliding into the soft, slippery fabric of his pants and finding him hard and straining in her hand. He bites out her name like a curse when she strokes him and he tries and fails to regain his composure. When her mouth claims his he groans into the kiss, his fingers matching the pace she sets with her hand on him and the roll of her hips. His thumb finds her clit and she bites his lip at the meticulousness of his touch, determined and fervid and she thinks he must be close too if he’s trying to send her over the edge so urgently.

Her free hand is vice-like in his hair, holding him to her as they whisper hushed gasps and curses into each other’s mouths and Emma has to turn her head into his shoulder, teeth sinking into his skin as she feels her climax building, hips rocking frantically as he brings her higher and higher. Her grip on his cock tightens, her strokes faster as she nears that edge. His words fall out in a choked mix of encouragement and pleasure, beard rough against her skin, breath hot on her neck, until she feels him tense against her. He groans a muffled ��fuck, please, Swan,’ against her throat, fingers curling and urging and then she’s coming, back arching and her cry cut off by his mouth on hers before she feels him spill himself in her hand.

“Fuck,” Killian curses, low and breathless in the stillness of the Neverland night. She doesn’t have any words, heart still racing and eyes still shut tight, her body feeling like it’s going to float away despite the heaviness in her limbs. She tugs his mouth back to hers with the grip she still has on his hair and the groan he lets out almost makes her feel bad, exhaustion and desperation and desire wrapped into one, low sound.

He kisses her again, lips moving to her neck, her shoulder, her breast, and she’s about to warn him not to start something he can’t finish as the low hum of warmth settles over her skin, but then his fingers tug the edges of her shirt closed gently, pressing one last kiss to her mouth before standing and retrieving a cloth.

“Was that one of the things you had in mind?” she teases when she hands it back to him and he discards it. Her voice is still breathless and strained as he climbs back into the bed, sliding beneath the covers and taking her hand in his. She watches as he raises it to his lips, placing a kiss to the center of her palm and then weaving his fingers through hers. She tries not to let her heart grow frantic with the mix of fear and longing that surges when he lets their entwined hands rest in the bare space between them.

“That was… wholly unexpected,” he rasps, thick with sleep and sex. She thinks his eyes are drifting shut, the strain of the day finally taking him even as his thumb strokes carefully over the back of hers, slower and slower as he’s pulled under.

She watches him for a moment longer, making out the line of his brow and cheek in the dark, the steady rise and fall of his chest, more relaxed than she’s ever seen him. And as she pulls his hand to her mouth, lips settling against the cool metal of his rings, she knows exactly what he means.

***

Emma wakes to a hand pressed firmly over her mouth, her eyes darting open in panic, muscles tensed, braced for a fight. But where she expects an intruder she finds only Killian, face close to hers, finger held to his lips, and she’d fucking deck him for scaring the shit out of her like this if it weren’t for the seriousness of his expression, the fear he just barely hides beneath the command. She knows that fear can only mean one thing, even before he whispers it into the darkness, eyes darting towards the ceiling, to the deck above them.

Pan.

******

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#captain swan #cs fanfic #cs ff #emma swan #killian jones #bet you thought you'd seen the last of me #season 1 neverland au #cs smut #sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry #neverland au

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sorikkung · 9 months

Text

what goes on in neverland. ⇝ ch. 7: fighting, flighting, and so many feelings

word count: 16k

pairings: transmasc!reader x Everyone, everyone x everyone (skz, tbz and atz, check masterlist for more details)

genre: e2l, f2l, smut, fluff and lots of assorted shenanigans. hijinks, if you will

au: battle of the bands!au but make it gay and horny

warnings: extremely dubiously consensual voyeurism, humiliation kink, very brief hyung/oppa kink, feminisation kink, breeding kink but probably not in the way that you think.

a/n: just a reminder that these characters aren't meant to be super great people. they're a little fucked on purpose. also, not proofread at all, not even once, just needed it done. full a/n at the end. glad to be back! c:

tags: @honeybyunnies @syunderful @absentcaryatid @mingirn (lmk if you want to be added/removed!)

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“Do it again.”

This is starting to feel a little like déjà vu.

“I did it perfectly that time, what are you talking about—”

“Just do it again!” Eric snaps, pressing play on the music and not giving you much of a choice. As you go through the complex part of the routine he had given you, he barks orders to your other bandmates getting distracted behind you. “You guys should be practicing too! You have all of night time and every other day to make out, can you not focus on practice now that it matters more than ever?”

The air inside feels stuffy with all the sweat and exertion, but god forbid this man gives anyone a break. How his own body managed to keep up with the strain he’s putting it and all of yours through is far beyond your comprehension. You contemplate if he’d be able to keep going after you throw a large rock at him.

“Eric,” Kevin whines, leaning on his knees to catch his breath and wiping the sweat from his brow as Eric tries to pull the two boyfriends off each other. “Can’t you take it a little easy on us? Not all of us are used to dancing for hours and hours on end, or even dancing at all. At least let us have breaks when you’re focusing on someone else. Which you’re not even doing! Look, he just did it again!”

You ponder the type of rock you should throw at him. Maybe pelting him with tiny pebbles would be even more of an annoyance. Maybe you should stick to a big one and go straight for the bruises on his legs that still linger from how hard he went and continues to go on the pole.

Eric whips around to look at you in your ending pose, and twirls his finger at you in a motion to repeat. “Do it again, I didn’t see it.”

Or, maybe you’ll just find the heaviest rock you can find and drop it on his head. Hopefully the worst it’ll do is a mild concussion.

“Yeah, cause you’re too busy being a dick to everyone!” you quip at him, eyes flaring. “Eric, we gave you this position because we wanted to show you we’re still taking the competition seriously and that we still value your opinion and trust in your leadership, not for you to walk all over us and push us too hard because you’re still salty that we fucked the guys making you insecure! Get over yourself! If you want to take this stage sooo seriously, maybe take into consideration the physical state of your team! We’re all about to collapse!”

“For someone who trusts in my leadership, you sure aren’t following it all that well,” he grumbles in response, rewinding the track. “One more time, just you. Or do they not train you hard enough at the Prism?”

You roll your eyes at the fucking audacity, because that is not even remotely the same and he knows it. “No, because they’re more concerned about our sex appeal than our pole technique, Wooyoung and I train ourselves to have fun — you should try it sometime!”

He doesn’t grace that with a response, turning the song on again, and you decide to cooperate only to throw all your remaining energy into the routine, making it as extra as you can muster — facial expressions, powerful moves, dramatically thrusting your whole body into it like it was the actual stage, so there’d be absolutely no way Eric could nitpick on you any more.

Or so you thought.

“You overdid it.”

“Get fucked, Eric!”

You straight up scream in his face, pushed far past your limit and sick of his shit. You have been trying so hard for him. All for him. You made sure he was okay with it before even signing up for the competition, you trained him in pole and choreographed him a role routine and night at your job just so he could impress them, you fucked his ex with him just so he could prove a point, you got thrown over a table for it and continued defending his honour and all you get in repayment is him being a total asswipe because he can’t handle what you do with your spare time.

“Are you fucking serious right now—“

“Alright, enough!” Sunwoo bellows, loud enough to make poor San flinch, stepping between you and grabbing each of you by the collar. “Either make out and make up, or fuck off till you calm down. I’ve just about had it with all the arguing and bossing around. We’re all taking a break and I am not taking no for an answer!”

Sunwoo is the type to get fired up just as easily as Eric is, if not more, so you all know how to handle him when he gets set off; but there’s something different this time. His tone cements the decision as final, and Eric must feel it too because he finally stops arguing and storms off.

The rest of you watch him leave, and as soon as he’s out the door, you all slump in relief to the floor. It’s done. Day one of Eric’s Nightmare Bootcamp is finally done.

“Fucking finally,” Sunwoo mutters, lying still for a moment before being the first to get up and start collecting his things. “My entire body aches. Apparently this place has hot springs? I think I’ll go check them out.”

“I’m way too hot and sweaty for that,” you sigh as the others start getting up to join him, “Lowkey tempted to take an ice bath instead. Or go chill in the lake, or something.”

“I’ll join you,” San pipes up, hanging the sweaty towel he was using to wipe his face around the back of his neck. “The lake sounds great right now.”

Sunwoo shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

It was Eric’ idea to put the camp in boot camp, bringing up his extended family's holiday house in the woods that only ever gets used twice a year. It’s a ridiculous waste of money and housing as far as any of you are concerned, but at least Eric was smart enough to mould himself a spare key before he went no-contact with them. Granted, he then immediately lost said key while moving apartments, but as soon as you brought up the idea of a boot camp he turned the whole damn apartment upside down searching for it, only to realise it had been hot-glued to his battle jacket this whole time as a decoration along with other spare keys you had gathered for diy purposes.

The place is nice, awfully scenic – not quite mountainous, but hilly enough for the cliff the lodge is on to make for a gorgeous view overlooking the lake, estuary and ocean — secluded, and cosy. Now that Eric actually has a key to the place, next time you come here you hope it’s on calmer terms, with more time to check out all the hike trails and rock pools by the beach, but for today, aimlessly floating in a lake to sooth your sore muscles sounds perfectly ideal.

San’s bare ass is a pretty welcome sight, too.

“A cheeky skinny dip, huh?” you muse aloud, “Have fun getting whatever bacteria this lake has to offer, I’m keeping my jocks on.”

“Oh please, like that’d help that much.”

“It literally would though, that’s a whole additional barrier!”

“It’s still gonna soak through though, so if it’s in the water, you’re fucked.”

“Is that why you want me naked so bad? So I can be fucked?” you tease, wading into the water with him – still slightly warm from the daylight, but no doubt quickly cooling with the setting of the sun in the horizon.

San shrugs cheekily, submerged up to his shoulders in the murky depths, ducking under the water to drench himself entirely then dramatically flip his hair back upon breaching the surface. “Maybe.”

“Horny bastard,” you huff, splashing him in the face and making him cough and splutter, only for him to splash you back twice as hard. “Pffuah— stop, stop! I’ll stop, I’m too tired for a splash fight.”

“Okay, okay,” San hums, relenting his assault to come up behind you and wrap his arms around you instead. You sigh and lean into his gentle embrace. “I was joking, anyway. I’m way too tired and sore to be doing any fucking right now.”

So are you. The more you think about it, the less the thought of getting it on seemed appealing, the ache in your muscles dragging you down like lead. The cold water was nice, though, and the reprieve of San’s warm body amongst it even nicer, so you just stay there for a whole, tucked under his chin and listening to the steady beating of his heart.

It’s exactly what you needed after such a long day. Probably what San needed too, if the way he sighs in relief into your hair is any indicator, then presses a kiss atop your head. “This is kinda romantic, isn’t it?”

“Romantic?” His tone is playful, but the conversation you had with Sunwoo still lingers on your mind. You find yourself at a loss for words. “What about it?”

San leans down to rest his chin on your shoulder and press a kiss there, invoking a shiver. It has little to do with the temperature. “The scenery, for one. This lake is beautiful. The sunset. Holding you like this. Is it not nice?”

You blink twice, trying to process what this man is saying to you. Does he mean romantic as in nice? An interesting choice of wording, that’s for sure – but maybe you’re overthinking it. You’re probably overthinking it. You’re definitely overthinking it. Had Sunwoo not said anything, you probably wouldn’t have thought twice about him saying that. Saying it so seriously, even. Though the initial question did sound like a bit of a joke, so he’s probably joking. Or something.

“No?”

You snap out of your thoughts to reply to him. “No, it is nice— it’s really nice. Just what I needed after all of... y’know.”

“After all of Eric’s bullshit?” he suggests helpfully, and you don’t need to see his little cat-like grin to know it’s there.

“You said it, not me.”

He laughs, placing his hands on your shoulders and twisting you around to face him. You don’t know how he manages to smile so blindingly after the hell he has been through today, especially as one of the few band members who had no background dancing, but he gave it his all. You admire that about him, how he’s so hard-working and so soft-hearted but in a way that he needs to be tough to be; the fact that he always remains soft under the pressure of the world trying to harden him, is toughness in its own right. A fuzzy feeling sprouts in your chest, such deep fondness, and it’s enough to ease a bit of the lingering tension. He leans in for a kiss, not quite a quick peck but nothing deeper; just a kiss for the sake of a kiss, one that lingers, then he pulls you back into his arms and pushes your face into his neck.

San’s always been like this, so it really shouldn’t be as flustering as it is. After all, he’s the reason your band started being as touchy with each other as they are now – from kissing the homies goodnight. He’s just overly affectionate like that. Has his heart always beat this fast when you did, though?

Has yours?

You wonder if he can hear it.

You think about how easy it would be to tell him you love him right now. The words could just roll off your tongue; I love you. Things wouldn’t have to change. San would probably just be happy to hear it, say it back, and kiss you breathless. Yet, something about that thought makes your words get caught in your throat. It would be so simple. Too simple, even, because what would he mean, when he says it back? What would you mean?

“Do you want us to be more than friends?”

San’s skin feels even hotter to touch, or maybe that’s just you. He quirks a brow at you when you pull away from him, lips drawn into a slight pout, and it makes you feel like eating sandpaper, so you pull him back in and bury your face in his broad chest once more. You have always been weak for San’s pout, even if you’re the one making him do it on purpose because it’s just so cute. You know Wooyoung does it for the same reason, he’s said so, and you never miss the way his eyes crinkle with glee when it works. For Wooyoung, bothering his loved ones is his life’s greatest joy, and there’s nothing quite like the glow of a man in his element. You can picture him smiling at San like that right now, calling him a baby and calling you whipped.

“Do you want to date us? Be romantic with us, tell us those three words you’ve been too scared to say for too long, take us on dates that are explicitly dates, call us yours? Is that what you want?”

You kiss him, and nothing more, over and over again, until you finally stop thinking. He picks you up for your legs to wrap around his waist, weight supported by the water around you. He doesn’t ask questions nor complain, only pulling you in closer, and when you feel him harden against you, there’s no pressure to address it.

When that only makes each kiss feel even more intimate somehow, it starts to dawn on the edges of your mind that you may be well and truly fucked.

After three days of more torture, you have just about reached your limit. You thought Eric would have calmed down after the initial fight, but it seemed to instead just put him on edge the whole time – you and the others quickly realise he is not about to pull that stick out of his ass until you get that win against Stray Kids, and if the next round is still in another three days, then to hell with all of you in the meantime.

Usually, you would just fuck it out. Shockingly, having an outlet for all the pent-up frustration does wonders for trying to sort out problems, but you can tell it’s different this time; even if Eric did let you sleep with him, you aren’t entirely sure he would calm down completely. Still, selfishly enough, you could do with it for the release on your end, as your other physical outlet being dance is no longer cathartic when it’s the cause of half your frustration.

At this point you would have just grabbed one of the other members after practice, but morale is at an all-time low and everyone just seems tired. Eric has always been the energizer of the group, and you realise just how much you all relied on him now that he’s no longer filling that role. Even Wooyoung and Sunwoo’s attempts at joking around and lightening the mood have been falling a little flat, and you can see the toll it’s taking on them too. Tension lingers in the air even when you are not fighting, and as nice as the view of the Sohn’s lakeview lodge is, all you’ve wanted to do since you’ve arrived is get out.

The reception isn’t the best out in the woods, so you find yourself climbing one of the tall, sturdy trees by the lodge to see who you can call. Not necessarily for a booty call, maybe sort of a booty call, but more importantly just someone to talk to who isn’t your band; though you quickly realise how few people you actually talk to outside of your band. Most are friends or acquaintances from within the industry, and the last thing you need right now is to spread gossip about your own band to the event organisers, or worse, your competitors – but as you scroll through your messages, something about the latter sticks out to you.

You call Lino.

The idea is not your best one, you have to admit, but you’re definitely intrigued to find out what kind of metaphorical ditch you will wind up waking up in by doing this. Your last interactions with Lino made it very clear the way he operates – it’s a trade-off. He is not beyond gossiping about his own team, so if you pry well enough, you can get something juicy – the caveat being, he remembers everything you say as well, and will use it against you. Which only makes this idea even worse the more you think about it, since it would not take much for him to smell blood in the water and something like a fight among your band would be far too easy to prey on, but you already pressed call.

You are not exactly known for your good life decisions.

“Hello?”

The voice that picks up is already a lot warmer and richer than Lino’s light and airy voice, which raises every alarm all at once, but it’s definitely not a recognisable enough voice to match a face to. One of the other lost kids, that much you can tell, but that’s it.

“He…llo? This isn’t Lino.”

A laugh filters through the receiver. “No, it’s not. I stole his phone and he still hasn’t noticed yet.”

Whoever this is, you like him already, you decide. That’s the kind of mischief you can get behind.

“Wow. And who might this be? Another stray kid?”

A tongue click. “That’s right. Makes me wonder why my beloved hyung is getting a call from the enemy.”

The reference to you as an enemy has you not knowing how to feel about it. The same term has left your lips about them on more than one occasion, but perhaps part of you has always been aware of how one-sided your feud with them really is, though, you suppose with your tendency to meddle and pick fights, that’s been quickly fixing itself. You can acknowledge you have been creating drama, but to hell with it, you think. You’ve meant every damn word you’ve said this whole time.

“Heh. Well that’s for me to know and you to wonder, hmm? What makes you think I’d tell you? I don’t even know who you are.”

You hear the ping of him turning his camera on, and pull your phone back from your ear to see a familiar enough face staring back at you. Now the fact that you didn’t recognise him from his voice alone is almost embarrassing – that rich baritone carries their songs, and you’ve done enough internet stalking all of them to know the rest by face now.

“Ah. You’re Seungmin, right?” You switch on your own camera and fix your hair in a way you hope seems nonchalant, but you know it’s a poor attempt to hide the absolute wreck you must look like right now, covered in sweat and hair sticking out in every which direction. “I don’t think we’ve ever actually talked.”

“No, you’ve been a bit too busy digging into my bandmates– are you in a fucking tree?”

You instinctively glance behind you, as if not expecting a tree to be there, when you are, in fact, quite literally, sitting in a tree. The movement is so fast you wobble a bit on the branch you perched on, but it holds steady, and you regain your balance quick enough.

“Oh, uh, yeah. I’m in a tree. Long story.”

“I got time.” Seungmin’s expression remains unreadable as he pulls the strings of his hoodie and flops backward onto presumably his bed, possibly Lino’s or god knows who else’s, and gets comfortable. “Why you in a tree?”

“Why do you care? I called Lino, not you.”

He rolls his eyes, then flicks the phone camera loud enough to make an audible thwack as if he just flicked your forehead. “No shit you called Lino, this is his phone. But I’m bored, a little nosy, and a shockingly good listener, so I’ve been told, so indulge me a little. If you’re not going to tell me why you called Lino, at least tell me why you’re in a tree, I’m curious now.”

“You’re more interested as to why I’m in a tree than to why I called Lino?”

“Mmm, maybe equally as interested. I just figure you wouldn’t tell me why you called Lino even if I did pry, but I’m gonna just assume it’s a booty call.”

You snort. He’s a little more right than you want him to be, but you don’t know if you want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that yet.

“Well, the short version is that the reception out here is dogshit, so I climbed a tree.” You flip the camera and show him how high up you are, and nearly drop the damn thing however many feet below to a tragic death among the pinecones.

“Woah, nice view!” You flip the camera back around to your face to grin a little smugly. “Surely you don’t live out there in the woods, do you?”

“Ah, no, just out here for, uh… boot camp. Decided we needed to start taking practice more seriously since we have some actual competition this year, so we took the week off work and fucked off to one of the guys’ holiday homes.” You deliberately leave out the part where it’s kind of sort of technically trespassing, despite how curious you are to hear his reaction to it. “Hence. Tree.”

Seungmin nods along, cutely playing with the hoodie drawstrings and pulling them up past his chin with the hand not holding his phone. You’d think he was on FaceTime with someone a lot closer than a near stranger, but you suppose his cute charms just come naturally to him. “Damn, respect. We’ve more or less been doing the same this whole time, but more of us are unemployed than not, so, at least we don’t need to worry too much about taking time off work. Well, in Innie and I’s cases it’s taking time off classes, but, he barely shows up to classes anymore anyway.”

“Y’all studying?” Now that you think about it, you don’t know much about the group’s personal lives beyond Felix and Chan – Felix, obviously from knowing him through Eric since he was still doing his tattoo apprenticeship, and Chan’s digital presence informed you he did music full-time, selling the beats he doesn’t use himself. You remember their friend Jisung being a DJ at parties, and saw him doing music online as well, Changbin too but with less of a presence – but none of them were big enough to explain the ridiculous budget Stray Kids stages have been having. Either the few employed members are raking in dough, or someone comes from money, and you bet your meagre savings on the latter.

“Yeah, I’m studying music, vocals mostly. Also composing, music industry, music history, photography and videography, and Japanese as an elective ‘cause it’s fun.”

“Jesus,” you exhale, “That’s… a lot.”

He chuckles, pulling his hoodie back down to hide his face less. Even in its entirety, you can’t read any of it. “Yeah, it’s good fun.”

You expect him to elaborate on that more, but he doesn’t, making you crinkle your nose. “What about the others? You all students or?”

Seungmin shakes his head. “Nah, just me and Innie, he’s also studying music performance. The rachas – our production line, that is, Chan, Changbin, and Hannie – they all do music pretty much full-time, except Changbin who is also a part-timer at a gym. Personal trainer. Lino’s a viral sensation on YouTube for making cat videos, it’s shockingly enough to pay rent. I’m sure you already know what Lix does, and Hyunjin, well, apparently you know about that too.”

You snicker. “Funnily enough, we found out that one completely on accident.”

“You’d have had to,” Seungmin says slowly with a knowing grin, “We make sure to keep those profiles completely separate.”

Whatever other sentences your mind tried to come up with quickly fizzle out as you process his choice of wording.

“We?”

He laughs, light and melodic, and his face shines with such cutesy innocence you are shocked to hear him allude to engaging in creating such content. “Yeah, we. How do you think he sets up the camera and everything while tied up like that?”

Your eyebrows shoot up at the realisation that Seungmin was the rigger from the one stream you caught, and remembering how intricate the ropework was, you find a sudden deep respect for him blooming as a craftsman.

“Wait, you’re his rigger?”

“I’m his boyfriend, but yeah, his rigger too. So, sorry if I piss you off at the competition and you can’t suck my dick about it, it’s a real tragedy.”

He practically just handed you a formal invitation to think about his dick, so you rip it out of his hands with a sly smirk. “Aw, why not? That’s never stopped Mingi or Wooyoung. You could tie me up all pretty, too.”

Not that it’s a particularly good idea to let a practical stranger tie you up in a full-body rope harness, but you don’t expect him to actually get to that point, more so just teasing the idea. While you definitely expected some sort of reaction, the quirk of his brow and beat of silence is certainly more than you bargained for.

“Y’know, I’m starting to wonder if at this point you just want the whole band as notches on your belt.”

Were you anyone else, that might have even stung, but you shrug it off in earnest.

“Maybe I do. But truthfully, it’s like, ninety-percent more to do with the fact that each and every one of you are smoking hot. Like, I may be cocky and hypersexual, but even I have standards, and you all more than exceed them, so sue me for shooting my shot.”

His eyes widen slightly at that, and you wonder if he doesn’t get told how good looking he is that often. Granted, his face is a lot softer and sweeter compared to the more visually striking faces of his bandmates, but he’s still incredibly handsome by every means of the word. The likelihood of your assumption quickly decreases when he follows it up.

“I can respect that. I am quite a catch, aren’t I?”

You snort, not prepared for his response. “Yeah, I’d say so. So, if you and your prettyboy boyfriend are ever looking to spice things up, feel free to call. On or off camera.”

“Damn, you’re bold.” He chuckles again in what seems to be mild disbelief, to which, he really should have known better, but you suppose you can let it slide on the account that he’s never interacted with you personally until now. “I’ve haven’t had that conversation with him yet, but don’t get your hopes up. He’s quite the possessive type.”

The dopey smile and fond tilt of his head when he says that tells you that he doesn’t really mind that one bit.

“Aw, shame. I was already thinking about all the fun we could get up to together!”

It’s not as sarcastic as you make it sound with your sing-song tone; having already wanted to give Hyunjin hell since that first stream, and almost but not quite regrettably, more after, the thought of teaming up with someone as seemingly sly as Seungmin, to do a number on him was beyond appealing, but you suppose you can’t always win them all. It’s only then what a relevant thought hits you.

“Wait, but what about him and San?”

“Ah.” He at least doesn’t seem surprised to hear about it, so you’re glad you at least didn’t just throw San under the bus with that one. “Hence the yet on the conversation. I don’t know. We were all arguing, tensions were high, he and San grabbed each other by the shirt, he looked at me before he kissed San and right after, too. It felt like he was asking for permission, so I just… I don’t know. It’s not something I’d really thought much about till then, but I was curious. I can’t say it felt right, but I kind of just wanted to watch and see what happened anyway? I probably should have said something to stop them, but I just shrugged and nodded at him, let him decide if he wants to do that. Think I was angrier about it than I thought I was, but with everything going on I couldn’t really isolate that feeling yet. So I just kept arguing.”

At the mention of all the arguing, you’re coldly reminded that the very man you are talking to, probably said some really nasty things about you and the people you care most about, but you shove that aside for now. As aggressive as you tend to be, the long week prior just has you tired of arguing with just about fucking everyone, and you don’t know if you like that that says about you.

As if the situation between the bands couldn’t get any messier, yet more relationships get tangled in the web of drama. You always wonder why people cling so hard to the concept of monogamy when another alternative presents itself, but you suppose it’s easier to avoid the work it takes to communicate with people that much when you can just expect someone to avoid making you feel bad by default. At least this time you aren’t the one at the centre of it, but either way you can’t take all the blame when it takes two to tango in the first place.

“Oh jeez, that’s messy. And you haven’t talked about it at all? It’s been days, dude, why not?”

“Why do you care?” he huffs with a laugh, dryly throwing your own words back at you.

“I’m bored, nosy, and a shockingly good listener,” you retort right back at him. “Indulge me a little, sticking my nose into other people’s drama is a great distraction from my own. Plus, an outsider’s perspective might even be useful, who knows?”

Seungmin’s lips flatten into a line, staring up at the ceiling past the camera and debating it internally before rolling onto his side with a sigh. He looks so cozy, wrapped up in his hoodie and now snuggled up to a big fluffy pillow he rests on, his other hand propping up his phone to give you the perspective of two close friends talking at a sleepover, and not rival strangers, just one of which sitting atop a random ass tree.

“I feel like I’ll regret this, but, well, suppose you’re the only one I can talk to who doesn’t know either of us well enough to be biased, so… sure. Though there’s not much to be biased about actually. I don’t think. Basically he just… I thought he was gonna talk about it afterward, but instead he just ended up getting noticeably more possessive… like, needs to be clinging to me at all times, glaring at everyone else who tries, referring to me as his boyfriend more than usual. I’m not sure what’s up with that, since he’s the one who slept with San, but we’ve been too busy and stressed with practice to really have a chance to talk about it yet.”

“Ah.” You nod along, figuring that they must be taking the competition just as serious as your band is to come up with such show-stopping stages, so you relate to the stress that would probably make it a bad time to have such a conversation. “That’s rough. How do you feel about it all, though?”

Seungmin has to stop and think about it for a moment, shoving his face deeper into his fluffy pillow and looking down at the sheets instead of his phone screen. “I… I think I’m more upset that he’s acting so strangely about it than the fact that he did it in the first place. Makes it look like he feels guilty about doing it and is tryna be extra possessive to make up for it, or something, which… means he must’ve felt like he was doing something wrong when he did it. I don’t think it’s technically cheating, because he did pause to check in with me and he wasn’t trying to hide anything, but… we probably should’ve actually talked about it first.”

“Yeah, you can say that part again,” you huff. “Shockingly, sitting down and talking about your issues tends to solve them. Most of the time.”

He seems to be able to read through your tight-lipped expression, looking back up at the camera again.

“Something tells me the drama you’re distracting yourself from with mine, wasn’t solved that easily.”

“Yeah, well.” You pause, trying to think of how much you would be willing to share with the other team, considering you have no idea if Seungmin is the type to run his mouth or not. “It… yeah. Not that easy this time, unfortunately. Our plan B – or, plan A, sometimes, honestly – is usually to just. Fuck out all our emotions then talk about it calmly. But this time the hurt person decided to revoke that, well, technically he said he wouldn’t bottom for us anymore so maybe that still is on the table, but it just feels different. I don’t think he wants to go about it like that this time, and our other attempt didn’t work either and just made us even more tired and wired and I’m reaching my limit with these guys. Probably would do me some good to take a drive back into town, but I’m not sure what I’d do there. Work a shift at the Prism, maybe try go home with a stranger? I dunno. I’m not as keen on hooking up with strangers anymore, they don’t always like the same things I like and usually aren’t as down to sit down and talk about it beforehand so its just mid. But my other physical outlet has always been dancing, which, is all I’ve been doing lately and half of why I’m so frustrated.”

He nods along much like you did, humming at certain points to indicate his attention. “Right. So you just want an outlet for all that frustration, huh?”

“Basically. Or maybe just a break. Who knows.”

“I like boxing as an outlet,” he suggests helpfully, “Helps to print out the face of whoever you’re pissed at on a punching bag.”

“Ooh, that sounds good,” you hum, already thinking of which photo of Eric you should print out. You aren’t sure if Seungmin is extending an invitation or not, but either way it’s a good suggestion. You decide to throw out a line, just in case, and see what he does. “Doesn’t punching something over and over get kinda boring, though? Suppose that’s what you get a sparring partner for though.”

“Does fucking someone over and over get boring?” He asks cheekily, and you certainly were not ready for that response, so you splutter.

“Does- no, of course it doesn’t get boring. Not when your partners are hot and good at what they’re doing and – lets just say, we spice things up enough to keep things exciting.”

“Like what, jacking off to Hyunjin’s streams?”

“I guess, yeah. Among more exciting things. You’re not the only rigger around, y’know.”

Seungmin smiles and runs a hand through his hair, exposing his forehead more, which frames his features a lot differently; you start to get a glimpse of what you think Hyunjin sees before his streams in the was he grins so deviously at you. “Are you trying to one-up me?”

“In what, being a kinky freak?” you snort, not really seeing how even this is meant to be a competition, even if it did, admittedly, kind of feel like it. Just talking to any of the Stray Kids at all seems to draw out your competitive streak. “I mean, I reckon I’d have a fair run at topping it, but I’m not gonna pretend I’m the kinkiest degenerate in town. That’s Wooyoung for sure.”

He laughs and it’s shockingly melodic, which is a little unfair to all the people who laugh like they’re dying. “Really? Now that’s be interesting, who has the more questionable Pornhub search history, Wooyoung or Hannie…”

“Wow, way to rat out your own,” you chuckle, and you find yourself really enjoying your interactions with this Seungmin guy. He seems pretty alright so far. “Found him stumbling out of my apartment last week when I got home after the last round. Sunwoo sure did a number on him.”

“Yup, and he hasn’t shut up about it since,” Seungmin drawls with what seems like a rather fond eyeroll. “I think he saw God that night. Changbin is pissed about it. Thinks he’s stooping too low, or something. I wonder what he’ll think about you and Chan?”

Static sounds play in your brain until you can catch up with him. “He doesn’t know about me and Chan? You know about me and Chan?”

“Uh, yeah, genius, you were both at each other’s throats last we saw you and then you were both gone. Not rocket science. Chan isn’t blabbing, if that’s what you’re worried about. Though I kind of wish he would. How was it? I hear he’s a real romantic, but I have my bets on him being quite the tease.”

“You spend this much time thinking about what your homies are like in bed?”

The no-hesitation response sends Seungmin’s eyebrows shooting upward for a split-second, and a slightly twisted sense of satisfaction fills you at being the one to have a gotcha moment with that one, rather than being on the other end. You don’t like the realisation that more than one person has tried to call you out for that. You try not to think about it.

“Just… curious, I guess. It just comes up in conversation sometimes! It’s not that weird. You can tell me. I’m sure I can nag it out of him later, anyway.”

“Last time I shared anything juicy with a stray kid, he used it against me,” you hum, sounding less hurt and more amused at whatever he’s playing at. “Surely I get something just as interesting in return, as a guarantee, of sorts?”

Seungmin thinks about it, stroking his chin through a comically big sweater paw. “Not sure what kind of dirt I could give you. My boyfriend’s cock and hole is on the internet for everyone to see, you can gage a pretty good guess of what we get up to behind the screen based on what he does on the screen. I don’t really have much to hide.”

“Dirt on the others, then? You mentioned Han’s search history…”

“Ah, our Jisungie,” Seungmin coos, a smile taking over his face again at the mention of his bandmate. “Suppose I could throw him under the bus a little more. I think he’d like it if I did, honestly. Humiliation kink n’all that. Not that he’d admit it. But he doesn’t have to, it’s written all over him and the guys he likes. Hell, the girls too. If you teased him about it, it’d probably make his dick hard.”

“Really now? Oh, now that is so enticing… how bad is he gonna kill you for that one?”

“Really bad,” Seungmin chortles, muffling his laugh behind his sweater paw. “He gets worked up pretty easily, but cools down just as quick, only to fire up again as soon as you prod him. We used to fight a lot, when the band first got together, but I think we’re past that now. Since meeting you guys, though, it’s like his diss track era all over again… it’s been fun how angry he’s gotten over it all, and now he’s just angry at how good Sunwoo was in bed. It’s so cute. Seeing him get all competitive is also cute. He gets flustered easily, but then he’s surprisingly witty. Cocky, too. Haven’t seen that side of him offstage since he was still beefing with Hyunjin.”

He clearly has no idea how much material he is giving you to work with, probably thinking the humiliation kink was the meat of the information, but you absolutely soak up the details on how this man reacts to things. You won’t be caught off guard, not by him or anyone else on that team, and you are increasingly confident that the next round will absolutely rip them a new one.

“Is that so… alright, I’ll bite. Chan… is a lot crueller than he seems. But I can see how he’d be the romantic type in any other situation… I think I bring out his mean side, though. It’s pretty fun,” you muse, to avoid saying it’s pretty hot instead. “He’s very… patient. Frustratingly so. Not as much of a pushover as I thought he’d be.”

“You’re being awfully vague on purpose,” Seungmin points out blankly, “so I’m going to assume it was hot as fuck and he fucked you so good you’re ashamed to admit it.”

You really don’t like how fucking perceptive he is, you decide.

“Well, I’d definitely go with him another round.” You try to sound nonchalant as you shrug and act unbothered, because if your assumptions are right, he will go running to Chan as soon as you hang up the phone. “Next time though, it’ll be at my place on my terms. We’ll see how long he lasts.”

You hear the filtered sound of the door opening, and Seungmin stiffens, but grins. “I’ve heard all I need to hear. Lino just got home though, so I gotta dip– DM me if you wanna spar sometime. I think it’ll be fun to punch you.”

“Hey!”

He hangs up, and you’re left sitting in a tree with more questions than you have answers for. Your body aches as you make your way down the tree to head back for dinner, then practice, then sleep, then even more practice, and you wonder if you’ll have time to drive back into the city to try boxing somewhere in between. Probably not.

You get the feeling this won’t be the last of your interactions with Seungmin regardless.

Arms wrap around your waist from behind, suddenly finding yourself pressed back against someone’s firm chest. You look down at his hands, listen for the scuffles of the others’ feet on the dance floor of the practice room and voices talking, then chuck out a guess without turning to look at the mirror.

“Sunwoo?”

“Gotcha.” He pulls you back, out of the room into the sunlight and the refreshingly cool breeze of the woods. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t been avoiding you. We literally live together!”

“Yeah, that makes it really fucking easy to tell when someone’s avoiding you.”

Have you been avoiding him? It definitely has not been a conscious attempt to do so, but you suppose the urge to avoid his intense gaze has probably resulted in you avoiding him somewhat altogether. You aren’t sure what to tell him.

“I haven’t been trying to avoid you,” you mumble, slumping back into his embrace so he has to practically hold your entire body weight, leaning back on the outside wall of the rec room. “But I guess I’ve been doing it unintentionally. I’m sorry. I’ll stop now.”

“It’s okay,” Sunwoo hums, resting his chin on your head. “You gonna tell me why, or nah?”

“I think you know why,” you mutter, glad for how he holds you from behind so you can stare out at the scenery around you rather than have to meet his eye.

“Humour me.”

“I don’t think I will, Sunwoo,” you sigh, exhausted from this game of cat and mouse you’ve been playing. “There’s just. A lot going on, right now. I’m tired. Stressed and tired.”

He accepts your subject change gracefully, hugging you tighter and humming in agreement. “I could tell. We all are, but you seem to be taking this all the worst after Eric.”

You snort. “Really? So why aren’t you comforting Eric about it, then?”

“You saw how he is. I don’t think he wants comfort from any of us except Kevin until we bring home another win.”

“I really thought this would help him,” you confess, voice small. It makes you ache a little. “It seemed like the perfect idea. Give him a sense of control and respect and trust in us again, focus on our art, kick some ass. I just didn’t expect him to kick ours.”

He chuckles, and you feel it rumble in his chest against your back. Grounding. “Yeah, me neither. That’s why I’m leaving that one to Kevin and coming to you instead.”

“Well, thanks.” You twist around in his arms to give him an appreciative peck to the lips, then immediately twist back around towards the scenery at how just seeing his face up that close again made your heartbeat faster. His presence feels so much more intense since that conversation, which is likely why you ended up being so avoidant.

“Turn around and look at me.”

“Huh?” You do, withholding the urge to visibly gulp at the way he smirks down at you and cups your cheek.

“You’re really cute when you’re too flustered to look me in the eye. Have you been having feeeelings about me?” he teases, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip and fizzling out the last coherent thought you had in your brain.

“It’s– It’s a feeling alright,” you stammer, trying so hard not to shy away from his gaze. “One of them, for sure.”

“Mm, I wonder which one,” he presses further, leaning in to dust kisses along your jawline, stopping at your neck just to breathe over it. “But you don’t even know that for yourself yet, do you?”

You shiver, clutching tightly at his hips. “I– I don’t know. Everything has been so insane lately and I don’t wanna add to all that at such a stressful time for everyone, y’know?”

He pulls back with a sympathetic smile and strokes your hair. “This is the most stressed I’ve seen you in a while. Been waiting for you to ask me or the others to help you do something about it, but you haven’t. Why?”

Perceptive as ever, Sunwoo sees right through you like fucking glass. To a point where it would be almost humiliating if it weren’t exactly what you needed a lot of the time. “Because everyone is tired and sore and needing to be in tip-top shape if we’re gonna endure any more of Eric’s boot camp hell. This is the kind of frustration I’d take out on Wooyoung that’d have him sitting on a bag of frozen peas and calling out of work for the night.”

“Ooh,” Sunwoo chuckles with a smirk, “that frustrated, huh? Well, I don’t enjoy pain that much, but I can fuck the frustration out of you if you want—”

“Tempting as that sounds,” you muse aloud with a click of your tongue, “I don’t wanna put your body through any more stress than Eric already is. You’re not a dancer, you must be sore all over.”

“I am,” Sunwoo confesses, “But I don’t need to exert myself. C’mon, you needa de-stess.”

“Sunwoo…” A smile is already tugging at your lips however, and you both know you don’t have it in you to deny him.

“C’mon.” He has a cheeky grin as he waddles you down the hill with him back towards the lodge, ushering you to his room. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

He’s confident. He always is, never failing to lure you in and get you where he wants. If that happens to be his bed, then in his bed you will be, trapped in his embrace on the edge of the bed, right in front of a full-length mirror. Sunwoo is a bit vain like that, or perhaps just voyeuristic. Probably just voyeuristic, if the way he left the bedroom door wide open is any indicator, but such isn’t uncommon when it’s only the band around. This time, at least, the lodge seems empty.

Sunwoo takes his time kissing along your neck and trailing his hands along your body, under your clothes, and you sigh and lean back against him, letting your eyes flutter shut and focus on the feeling of his plush lips and calloused guitarist’s fingers. There’s no rush. You know he could do this all day, and it has you relaxing into it so much you jolt and gasp when he bites down on your neck just as hard as you like it. The dark chuckle he lets out at your whine is telling; he has you right where he wants you, playing your body like a fiddle.

He turns your head towards him and pulls you into a heated kiss, slow yet eager, savouring every brush of lips and taste of tongue. He kisses you like he has all the time in the world and he wants to spend all of it just feeling you against him, your lips on his lips and your skin under his palms and his hardness against your back when he pulls you closer.

A hand slips down your pants but not past your underwear, simply cupping you there, idly teasing as he proceeds to kiss you, and you find yourself subtly shifting your hips up into his touch for more pressure. You know if you tried to egg him on any further he’d pull away immediately, so your keep your hands firmly planted on his thighs encasing yours, giving them an encouraging squeeze.

“Want more, baby?” he breathes into your ear, the air making you shiver.

“Please.” You don’t have the energy for his teasing, or any of the usual back and forth. You’ve had enough of that lately, and at least with Sunwoo, you don’t feel too embarrassed to beg. “Just touch me.”

“Your wish is my command, prince.”

His hand finally slips into your underwear and touches you where you need him most, gathering your wetness on his fingers and slowly circling your clit. Too slow. It does it’s intended purpose of riling you up, but you don’t need to be even more riled up right now, you need to let off steam—

“Relax,” he murmurs when your hips buck up more into him. “Just focus on feeling all of it, okay? You’re gonna tire yourself out quickly if you’re that eager.” He doesn’t give you a chance to respond, slipping a finger into you and replacing its spot on your clit with his thumb.

“Sunwoo, please,” you beg again, and you see him smirk down at himself in the mirror. That little shit. He’s enjoying your desperation a little too much for someone who claims he just wants you to relax. “I need more.”

“Well, shit,” Sunwoo hisses, slipping a second finger in and finally quickening the pace and pressure of his fingers, your body singing under his onslaught. “When you ask that prettily, how am I supposed to deny you, mm?”

Your head falls onto his shoulder, just in perfect range for him to start sucking on it again, no doubt on his way to leave a very visible mark behind. “Y-You don’t,” you manage to gasp out, and he smirks against your skin.

“Don’t get too used to it, prince. You might find me feeling a lot more cruel another day.”

You want to groan out, I know, but his fingers working their magic don’t let you, and you honestly welcome the way it makes your mind go blank, watching him through the mirror looking so focused and so into making you feel good, completely ignoring himself. Your eyes flutter shut just as you are interrupted by his phone ringing.

“Motherfucker—”

“Shhh.”

He doesn’t remove his hand from between your legs as he uses his other one to grab his phone from his pocket and answer it, lazily drawing circles on you with his thumb while grinning at you in the mirror. You know you’re trapped now, because you can’t quite recognise the muffled voice on the other line, and if it’s someone important, possibly even related to the band, you can’t risk ruining it for him by making a sound.

“Oh? No, I’m not busy,” he lies smugly, making direct eye contact with you while he says it and slipping in another finger. “Why, I didn’t expect you to call so soon. Missing me already?”

Your eyebrows raise at that comment, noticing the flirty lilt in his voice and trying to figure out who the fuck he would be talking to like that. It doesn’t sound like any of your bandmates, giving he wasn’t expecting the call, unless it was maybe Eric? You mouth him the question, but he pointedly ignores you and resumes curling his fingers in you so deliciously you have to bite your lip to stay quiet.

“That’s so pathetic it’s cute,” he giggles, and now you’re even more curious. There’s no way it would be Eric, not in the mood he’s been in, you think he would punch something if anyone tried to call him pathetic right now. “Oh, you poor little thing. I’m out of town right now, so you’re stuck there on your own.” He clicks his tongue at the other person’s reply. “I meant I wasn’t too busy to hear how you’re touching yourself for me and the things you’re thinking about me in explicit detail, so do go on.”

You widen your eyes again, pulse thrumming with the excitement of how dirty it all is, and with Sunwoo’s movements quickening you only hope that whoever’s on the other end of the line can’t hear your breathing quicken with it. Or maybe you hope they do.

He suddenly stops as the other person keeps talking, and next thing you know he’s propping his phone up between his face and shoulder and pulling at your pants. When you start to shimmy them off, he reaches for his own, pulling them down just enough to let his cock spring free, already dribbling precum.

“What am I doing? What do you think I’m doing, cutie? I’m taking my cock out. You sound so fucking delicious for me, baby.”

You don’t need to be told what to do, shifting back to meet him and hovering over his length, earning a hiss from him as he leans back and lets you rub the tip against your entrance. “Yeah? You gonna take me?” he pants into the phone, meeting your eye in the mirror as he says it. You sink down on him all at once and the moan he lets out is a guttural one. “Fuck, good boy.”

You hear a whine on the other end and it’s so tempting to just snatch the phone out of his hand and put it on speaker, let you in on the action too, but it doesn’t take long for him to practically read your mind and do it himself.

“Oh? You want to show me? Let me see your cute little cock then, princess.”

“Fuck,” the voice on the other end whimpers, broken and airy, and it becomes a video call request that he accepts with only audio on his end first. You aren’t sure who you were expecting to see, but when the screen comes up with the same man who you met stumbling out of your apartment last week, leaning back on the bed with cock in hand, ass plugged with a pretty pink gem, and a thin sheen of sweat sticking a few strands of his long, silky hair to his face.

“Mmm, so pretty for me, Jisung-ah,” he coos, voice shaky from how you slowly move up and down on him – or try to, but he stops you with his free hand and gives you a stern look you know is because he wanted you not to do any of the work. “You like showing off for me?”

He nods profusely, fucking his fist and scrambling down to reach for the plug to fuck it into his hole too. “Love it, love your eyes on me, fuck, wanna see you too, please, I bet you look so hot right now hyung…”

As far as you know, the two of them are the same age, and you suppose that’s why the honourific brings such a smug look to Sunwoo’s face. “’Hyung’? Not wanting to be my pretty little princess anymore, hmm?”

Jisung whines again even more needily, the lighting in his room is dim through the closed curtains but just enough evening sunlight peeks through to reflect off the wetness oozing from his tip as he lazily strokes it. “A-Ah, c’mon, please…”

“Please what?”

He shifts around on the bed a bit with his eyes squeezed shut, pulling an arm over his face to hide in his elbow while he mumbles, “Please, oppa.”

“That’s a good little girl,” Sunwoo rasps lowly, the praise making Jisung’s ministrations quicker, and you have to bite your hand to muffle a laugh at the sheer humiliation of it all, and just how easy it was. How perfectly pathetic. “Want me to put on a show for you?”

You know the real question he’s asking and to whom; do you want him to see us like this? You nod at him through the mirror and tap the camera icon for him, pointing the camera ahead so you he could see you both.

“Good thing you caught me at such a good time, then. You have such a good show to enjoy.”

Jisung freezes up, eye blowing wide at where his phone is propped up on something in front of him, and for a second you think he’s going to dive for it to hang up but instead he throws his head back so hard against the headboard you think it would have hurt, gasping and whimpering as he comes all over his fist, hips thrashing wildly and thick ropes of white painting his slutty little muscle tee, even from where it’s pulled up over his abs.

“What the– what the– what the fuck, Sunwoo!” he whines, still frantically jerking his cock and twitching violently at the overstim, burying his cute little face in his arm again, too embarrassed to face you himself but not too embarrassed to cum to it. Or maybe it was the embarrassment that made him cum in the first place. “You– you said you weren’t busy–“

“I never said I was alone, baby. Besides, we weren’t busy. Were we, prince? Just hangin’ out, right?”

“No, not busy. Just relaxing.” You flash a smarmy grin right back at him, grinding down on his cock with an over-exaggerated sigh, throwing your head back onto his shoulder again and spreading your legs to make sure Jisung was getting a nice view. After all, he deserves a treat for the humiliation the two of you just put him through.

“You– You’re a dick,” Jisung pants out, slowly pulling his arm away to pull his boxers back on. “Can’t believe you made me say that in front of him–“

“You love my dick,” Sunwoo sassed him back, passing you the phone so he could grab your hips and take over, pulling you up and thrusting up into you slowly. “Needa split you open on it again. Maybe they can watch. Don’t worry, they didn’t hear our whole conversation, only the video call – I’m sure he’d love to see it for himself instead, though.”

You moan, rubbing yourself as Sunwoo bounces you up and down and trying to keep the camera steady, “Oh, fuck I sure would. Would you be my good little girl, too?”

“You’re both so mean,” he complains again, and you find yourself quite liking the little pout on his face when he does it. He can’t seem to tear his eyes away, however, reaching forward to grab his phone from whatever it was propped up on his bed to get a better look. “Fuck… you look so hot like that though…”

Showing off a little more, you pull yourself off Sunwoo so Jisung could see his cock in all it’s glory, thick and veiny and oh-so-picturesque, and simply rub your pussy against it, both gasping when your clit and his head collide.

“Fuck, hold on,” Sunwoo mutters, reaching down to his luggage on the floor and rummaging for a bit before pulling out a sleek bullet vibe and turning it on, pressing it to your dick and slipping back inside. You both groan, as Sunwoo angles the vibe so he could feel its vibrations against his shaft too, and starts fucking into you with reckless abandon. “Shit, baby, so good–“

“Hah– thought you said you wouldn’t exert yourself– woah, slow down, I can’t keep the camera steady,” you huff, Sunwoo reluctantly obliging and taking the phone away to prop it up on the dresser and change it to the front facing camera towards the bed, pulling you back down with him and bending you over.

“Fuck that,” he growls, all his patience from before melted away with every rough snap of his hips, “I’m gonna fuck all that stress outta you, I’m gonna fuck you into this mattress even if it fucking kills me tomorrow.”

You are reduces to cries instead of words as he does exactly that – frankly you have no idea where all this energy comes from after a long day of dancing, but you figure he won’t have his usual stamina this time – craning your head over your should to peek at his phone on the dresser, where Jisung watches with his lip pulled between his teeth and an obvious shaking from below the screen.

“Let us see,” you gasp out, eyes rolling back into your head as Sunwoo angles his hips just right and makes you see stars, but you force yourself to focus on the screen just enough to see him lift his phone higher and reveal him stroking his cock again, still covered in cum, cutely small in his hand.

“Y-You guys are so fucking hot it’s unfair,” he sighs, body twitching hard enough to shake the camera with every other movement. “Can’t believe you fuck raw too. Do you cum inside? Can I see it? Please, wanna see him dripping, fuck, wish that was me.”

“Yeah? Wish this was you, huh?” Sunwoo pulls you up on your knees with a firm yank on your hair, pulling a moan from you, and you don’t have much of a choice but to let him use you as he wants as he fills you up so fucking good. “Want me to cum in your ass and knock you up, huh? Want me to breed your cute little hole? Ooh, he clenched around me at that, I didn’t know you liked that one, prince.”

You whine a little in embarrassment, but mostly hold it together. “Y-Yeah well, it’s a new one,” you mutter, grasping for anything to ground you as Sunwoo keeps you propped up, but as soon as he lets you back down to lean on the mattress again, the vibe is back between your legs and you whimper.

“Cuuute, see, you’re not the only one who has embarrassing kinks, Jisung, looks like both of you wanna be all knocked up, hm? Want me to put a baby in you, baby?”

“No,” you rasp, ignoring the way his words send a wave of heat down south anyway. “Wanna put a baby in him.” You point towards the camera, and Jisung whines so erotically you think he would do just as well on cam as Hyunjin or San would.

“That’s so fucking hot fuck– please, please, please, breed me, knock me up, both of you, fuck…” He’s fucking the a dildo in his ass now, so frantically it keeps slipping out, “Need you both inside me, fuck, get me pregnant…”

The two of you chuckle at how far gone he is, willing to say all these embarrassing things so openly to the same people he spent so long arguing with the other week, that bitter resentment warped into something else entirely and were you not getting your brains fucked out you would want to ask Sunwoo how the fuck he did it, but he seems intent on not giving you the chance to form a proper sentence.

“Fuck– yes– shit I think I’m gonna–“ your breathing quickens, your core tightens, and one strangled groan from Sunwoo behind you and another few perfectly angled snaps of his hips sends you falling over the edge, the high pulsing through you like electricity.

“That’s it baby, thaaat’s it, fuck you’re so pretty when you cum for me,” Sunwoo mutters, bending over you and tilting your head to steal a kiss as he follows you over, moaning against your lips as he paints your walls white.

Jisung is still panting and fucking himself with his toy while the two of you catch your breath, and the sheer agony on his face is so fucking delightful you find yourself wanting to be so much meaner to him if given the chance.

“No, no, please,” he begs, “don’t stop yet, ahh, I’m close, please.”

He sure seems to love the show, so it’s a good thing you and Sunwoo both love to perform.

“Babe, move with me, lemme get the camera–“

You and Sunwoo both awkwardly shuffle to the edge of the bed where Sunwoo can reach his phone again, taking it off the dresser and flipping the camera back to the front so he can give your little voyeur on the phone a close-up view of where your bodies meet.

“Oh, fuck–“

“Don’t look away for even a second, baby. You don’t wanna miss a second of this.”

Sunwoo slowly pulls himself out, shiny and wet and covered in you, and when you clench down around nothing, he has a perfect shot of his cum dripping from your hole. The sounds Jisung is making on the other end of the line are beyond gone, fucked out and on the brink, and when Sunwoo collects his dripping cum on his fingers and pushes them back inside you, you hear his voice crack.

“Fuck–! Cum- Cumming- fuck…!”

“That’s a good girl.” He puts the phone back in front of you so you both can enjoy the sight of Jisung spilling another load all over his chest, not even touching his cock as he simply milks his prostate with the toy inside him. Sunwoo is even mean enough to take screenshots, and you grin at him, “Send those to me.”

It takes him a long moment to recover from the intensity of his orgasm, chest heaving, covered in sweat and his own mess, but the most dazed smile takes over his features as he covers half his face in disbelief.

“Fuck,” he exhales, picking the camera back up to hover above his face, “You guys are the hottest fucking… most insufferably horrible people I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah?” You raise a brow at him playfully, “Sounds like you like it, though.”

“Yeah, well,” he rolls his eyes, “Unfortunately for me that’s kinda my type. Dick hard one moment, wanting to punch you through a wall the next.”

“Don’t worry, I think Changbin already did the latter part for you!” Sunwoo chips in helpfully, so you elbow him in the shoulder. “See you on the battlefield next time, cutie.”

Jisung snorts, and you see him slipping out of his dick-drunk trance. “Is it really a battle or is it a slaughter?” He catches his tongue between cheekily at that, and you feel heat flare up of a familiarly ambiguous kind.

“We’ll make it a slaughter by the time we’re done with you,” you vow, and Sunwoo has to put a hand on your shoulder to remind you to save it and not get too heated. “You aren’t ready for what we have in store for the next round.”

“More provoking lyrics and slutty outfits? I think I can take it. Yes, innuendo intended, I could and would take you both – now I gotta get cleaned up, so. See ya later.”

It takes a second for you to recover from the whiplash of him bouncing between cocky and confident, and needy and pathetic, back and forth between only a few sentences, but you are quickly starting to understand what Seungmin meant about him. You exchange glances with Sunwoo and shrug.

“Still stressed out?”

“His switch-up at the end wasn’t that good for my stress levels, but I think I’m mostly alright,” you laugh, and Sunwoo laughs with you, then raises a suggestive brow.

“Sit on my face about it?”

“God, you’re the best. I’m gonna suck your soul out your dick about it.”

Eric looks up and all he can see is Felix looking down at him.

He wants to punch a fucking hole in the wall, shatter glass, snap something in half. He does not delude himself into thinking he is not an angry kind of person; he is, and he knows it. Still, lately he finds his nerves have been grated even more than usual, and he’d be a fool to not know why – it’s Felix. Of course it’s Felix. He just didn’t think it’d get him like this.

They broke up on good terms. That’s what he keeps drilling into his own head, over and over like he would forget otherwise. It was a mutual agreement; they weren’t working out. Eric wanted to see Felix a lot more than Felix could see him, and Felix didn’t want Eric to feel like he was constantly being put on the backburner, so they broke up. Figured that it just was the right person, wrong time.

Right person, wrong time.

He keeps telling himself that, over and over, as he goes through the choreography again, and again, and again, long after the rest of the band got sick of his shit and left him in the makeshift studio. He wants to punch the mirror hard enough to shatter it.

Right person, wrong time.

He regrets how much he held onto the possibility that maybe, just maybe, he could wait for him. Maybe there could be a right time, if he was patient. Like a fucking fool, he hoped that it wouldn’t be the last time he held him, kissed him, or touched him again. And it wasn’t – so why does it feel like it only made it worse? Felix was exactly like he remembered, only with more tattoos and piercings, dark hair, a sharper jawline, broader shoulders, and a bit more attitude. But he was still Felix, he was still his Felix, still the Felix who crumbles for someone with lots of confidence, who can’t lie, still the Felix who pokes his tongue in his cheek when he’s riled up, his Felix who’s breath hitches when someone leans in close, who gulps when he’s nervous, who’s voice jumps up in pitch when he gets filled up-

“Missed me that much?”

He keeps playing that night over and over. The song plays again, he twists and turns and jumps and hits, but all he can see is Felix and you all over him. He missed him. He missed him so fucking badly, when he really did think he had moved on. He has you now, he has the band, and that was more than enough for him – he even stopped dating because whatever it is you guys have going on was always just so much better. Hell, even if Felix came crawling back to him on his hands and knees to apologise and asked to get back together again, Eric doesn’t even think he would say yes. Not if it meant giving up what you guys have.

He still fucking misses him.

The choreography is intense. He pops, locks, perfects his body line, practices his flip, lands on one knee just a bit too wobbly for comfort; but while the music still plays, the energetic and intense trap beat Kevin made just for him, he doesn’t get back up. He falls forward, hands on the polished wooden floors, and cringes as it comes back wet – it’s only then when he realises he’s crying. He’s crying onto the floor of his dance studio while his kick-ass battle song plays and he just feels so fucking pathetic, because why is he even crying over this? Why is he crying over someone who was never truly his? Why is he even crying over someone who didn’t even really wrong him?

Not until now, at least. Not in their relationship. Unless the reason he was so busy back then was because he was making another dance crew with his other friends and he decided he would rather give up Force and Eric along with it, like Eric suspects, when if he wanted to sing and rap that badly he knows Eric would have let him join the runaways. He’d even fit with their namesake too, having ditched his family home in the middle of the night as soon as he turned eighteen; he knew Eric would have loved to have him here.

But of course, he was too busy. Not too busy for Stray Kids, just too busy for Force, and too busy for him. As they always were. As everyone always fucking is. History has a habit of repeating itself until you learn your lesson but he just does not understand the lesson needing to be learnt – what does he need to do to make them stay? What does he need to do to be someone’s first priority, to not be constantly brushed aside? What does he need to do to be worthy of the kind of intense devotion he gives everyone he cares about? Eric supposes that was always his weakness; loving more than he was ever loved back. Everyone would love him, but not nearly as much as he loved them, when push came to shove. Everyone except you and the band.

What he just doesn’t get, is why you guys just can’t get that. You seemed to understand enough that coming to participate in a band contest as a glorified dance crew – a dance crew, like the one he left – with his cool new friends when he knew how important the competition was to you guys, was a cold fucking move at worst and a nonsensical one at best. They insulted you, punched you in the fucking face, insulted your work, and you just go and suck their dicks about it? Go and suck Felix’s dick about it? You know what he means to him. You know he isn’t over him. But it seems like just about fucking everybody is willing to bend over backwards for the golden boy and his pretty freckles and award-winning smile that Eric fell for so long ago.

“Fuck. Fucking fuck!”

Eric knows exactly why you like him so much. He knows because he still fucking likes him. He knows because when he smirks at you like that, and he still wants to kiss him too. He still remembers how soft his lips are, and that they taste like caramel because he’s always drinking those sickeningly sweet excuses for coffees that might as well be milkshakes. But he just can’t do it. He can’t just kiss him like they’re still in love when he is coming and taking over everything that was ever fucking important to him. Everything he still cares about. Dance, music, you, his friends. But it doesn’t include him anymore, it never was fucking about him. Not anymore, it’s never about him anymore. Even now, at his family’s holiday house, leading his supposed dance boot camp, the rest of you are in the lodge playing board games without him because you said you needed a break and he’s been pushing you too hard.

If he can keep going, why can’t you? Why is he the only one taking this seriously? What happened to trusting him? You said you let him lead this week so he can see that you trust and value his input, but you guys just aren’t listening.

More than anything, he just wants to go home. He’s tired, mentally and physically, and he just wants things to go back to the way things were before the battle. Home, not the apartment, but in a cuddle puddle with the six of you when none of you are mad at each other, staring at the ceiling while the starry sky projector you bought lights up the room with colour.

But he knows better than to think you will agree to back out now. Hell, as much as he wants to, he wouldn’t let you, either; the controversy has put both you and your rival band in the spotlight like never before, and if you all want to achieve your dreams of being able to do music as a career and tour the world, you need this. He needs this. He’ll be damned if his shady ex-boyfriend gets in the way of that.

No more distractions, he decides, getting up and wiping away his tears. One more time, from the top.

“Eric?”

When he looks toward the doorway and sees the solemn expression Kevin gives him, holding a plate of freshly cooked food in hand, he feels whatever wall he just built up come crumbling down instantly. “Kevin…”

Kevin must be able to tell that he was just crying, because he sets down tonight’s meal on the pool table pushed aside to make room, and sweeps Eric into a crushing hug, which, for Kevin, isn’t the most common of gestures. Eric hugs him back and buries his face in his neck, not wanting to look at him. Not wanting to say anything. Not even wanting to hear anything. Kevin speaks anyway.

“We’re all really worried about you, y’know?”

“Not really,” Eric sniffles, and he hates how pathetic it sounds. “No one’s listening to me.”

Kevin tuts and pulls back slightly to frown at him, but Eric doesn’t look up. He can’t bear to meet his eyes. “Eric, we’re not listening because you’re being unreasonable. The week’s deadline doesn’t suddenly give our bodies any more endurance than they already have. We’re not all built like you!”

“I’m sick of fighting, Kev,” Eric sighs, and Kevin runs a hand through his hair soothingly.

“Then don’t fight. How about we go eat and head to bed early? It’s been a long day.”

Eric wants to argue again, despite just saying he is sick of arguing. He does not want to be coddled like an angry toddler throwing a tantrum, but that’s exactly how he feels; unheard, begrudgingly comforted just so he can calm down and go back to normal. He thinks he wants things to go back to normal more than the rest of you combined. Normal, back when it didn’t feel like all his bandmates were looking so far down at him like everyone else.

He bites his tongue and redirects it.

“How about I eat you instead? To de-stress, of course.”

Please let me have this, Eric pleads silently, hidden poorly behind a weak smirk. He grabs Kevin’s hips and starts tugging him towards the couch pushed up to the side of the room. Let me have you, let me feel you.

Kevin sees his request for what it is; a plea for intimacy, more than sex. A plea for trust, connection.

He sees it for what it is, and with a small sigh, grabs his face and connects their lips.

By the time you and Sunwoo finish cleaning up and re-gaining the feeling in your legs, a bonfire is crackling outside, while Wooyoung and Mingi are manning a fragrant barbecue. Eric being there is a welcome sight – just the fact that he is no longer cooping himself up inside the practice room or his room is already promising, but him being around the rest of the band willingly is even better. You turn to smile at Sunwoo and he’s already smiling back at you – he’s probably thinking the same thing.

“Well look who finally–“ You are cut off by Sunwoo stepping past you and shoving you roughly in the side to sit down next to Eric on a log and clap a hand on his shoulder.

“Glad to see you back, bro.”

Eric smiles.

You can’t even complain at the shove as it was completely called for; Sunwoo is right, what Eric needs now is probably not your usual attitude and instead more gentle appreciation, so you follow his lead and sit on his other side, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Sorry. Missed you.”

He doesn’t seem to need the clarification on what you meant, giving that you have been seeing each other most of every day the whole week, but he returns your peck with a quiet thanks and goes back to staring into the dancing flames.

You have half the mind to leave him alone, since he clearly does not feel like talking, but you figured that if he really wanted to be left alone, he would be in his room or the makeshift studio again, so his decision to be here around you all was deliberate. So you stay next to him, pressed shoulder to shoulder just to give him that grounding point of contact – you’re there. You’re with him, next to him. If he wants to speak, he can, but if he doesn’t, you’ll still be there anyway.

He leans his head on your shoulder, and you feel your heart soar. He’s leaning on you. Both figuratively and literally, he’s leaning on you, he’s allowing himself to be soft with you even if he might still be mad at you. You wrap an arm around his shoulders and press another kiss to the top of his head, to let him know you heard him, even if he didn’t say anything. You hear him.

Sunwoo gets up to grab his food when Wooyoung calls that dinner’s ready, but Eric doesn’t move, and you won’t either until he does, but you give his shoulder a little squeeze.

“You gonna eat anything?”

“Not hungry.”

“Eric…”

“I’ll eat later, I promise,” he insists, taking your free hand in his and playing with it gently, intertwining your fingers. “Just… not right now.”

“Okay,” you say slowly, not wanting to find any more reasons to disagree with him for now. “What do you want to do right now, then?”

He has to think about it, still playing with your hands as he does, and it’s cute how it seems to soothe him somewhat. “I want… to talk this out, or whatever. I’m tired of being angry. I just. Don’t really know how to start.”

You look over his shoulder to gesture to the others to come in, and you all find yourselves seated on the log by the bonfire or the dirt in front of it, not wanting to be any further from Eric than necessary. “Start wherever you feel like, baby. We’re listening.”

He sighs, then tries to gather the words to start, then sighs again even louder. He lets go of your hand to drop his head into his own.

“I don’t know. I’m just, I’m tired, I’m upset, I miss Felix, I don’t want to miss Felix, I’m angry at him for doing this to me, I’m angry that you’re taking such an interest in him, I’m scared of being replaced, and I feel so fucking inferior about everything I ever had any confidence in and I just want it all to stop.”

“Okay, that’s a good start,” you encourage him, stroking his back rhythmically while he let it all out. “I had a feeling it was something along those lines.”

“It’s alright to be scared and angry,” Mingi pipes up helpfully, leaning over to give Eric a reassuring head pat.

“Felix did do you pretty dirty,” Wooyoung adds, to which the others nod.

Eric sighs again, running his hands through his hair. “I’m scared,” he repeats. “I’m scared we’ll lose. And I don’t know how I’ll handle that if we do. Because that’d be… feels almost fucking symbolic, in a way, of him just. Ruining everything I worked towards. That’s why I keep drilling you guys and being even more of a perfectionist than usual and – god, they’re fucking perfect. They’re incredible performers. I still don’t think their act should be allowed as a band but they’re so fucking good at what they do I can’t help but think we can’t really compete.”

“But we can!” San chimes in, shifting closer to make sure Eric is looking at him. “Prior to this week I didn’t even know how to dance beyond a few TikTok challenges, now I’m doing choreography you made for a dance crew! Half of you guys are practically professionals, and this might be one of the best songs Kevin’s produced yet, and the lyrics–“

“Have some more faith in us,” you interrupt, a little too enthusiastic, “we’re fucking good at what we do, too. We won last year for a reason, remember? This stage is absolutely gonna blow their socks off.”

“It’s not you guys I’m really worried about,” Eric admits quietly, still refusing to look any of you in the eye. He doesn’t need to. You already see his real feelings written all over him.

“You’re worried you might fuck up the whole thing.”

His silence is the only confirmation you need.

“Oh, Eric.” You pull him in for a tighter hug, which everyone else joins in until you are all awkwardly hunched over on the log and almost fall over, making you all giggle. “You’re not going to fuck up anything, okay? You’re going to be the star of the show.”

“I don’t know… I don’t think my choreography can match theirs. I’m mostly trained in hip-hop, but Hyunjin adds a contemporary twist to theirs, and Lino has such insane body control and–“

“And you have a swagger onstage that they could only dream of,” Kevin finishes, leaning over to put a finger to Eric’s lips, and he finally looks up from the ground to meet him. “Do you really think band judges are going to be looking for mixtures of dance genres and technical precision? They’re here for the music and they’re here for the spectacle. I’m pretty sure the reason why Stray Kids are getting as far as they are, is more to do with their production quality, live vocals, and stage presence. Are you really gonna doubt us on those fronts? This isn’t a dance tournament.”

Eric doesn’t have a response for that, playing with his own hands as he processes it all, so you take one into your own so he could go back to fidgeting with yours if he so desired.

“You’re right, I can’t doubt your guys’ songs and vocals like that. That wouldn’t be fair. Suppose it also wasn’t fair how hard I pushed your bodies, too.”

“Or your own,” Wooyoung reminds him, getting up to grab a now-cool plate of food to bring back to him and plop it in his lap. “You don’t need to be so hard on yourself, either. Whether or not we win the next round, which I have in good confidence that we will, we are still incredible fucking performers. Stray cats can’t take that from us. It’s not like we can really lose – everyone else in the competition has been an absolute non-event, dude. No one’s talking about them. We’re basically guaranteed second place at the very least, and that’s still a win.”

Eric pokes at the meat on his plate with his fork, trying to muster up the appetite. “I don’t want to be second place to anyone. Not anymore.”

You realise what he really means by that, and he doesn’t mean the competition at all. It was never about the battle, it was about the war – the ongoing war raging in his head of his own self-worth and the way his past threatens it. How he can never be certain that he won’t have to fight for his right to exist, his right to be loved – and you get it. You really do. So deeply, even, that you have bonded over it in the past, and that is exactly how you know that he will stick by you till the bitter end, and you just wish he could feel the same. You sigh and massage the back of his neck.

“Eric, sweetheart, you could never be replaced. Not by Felix, not by the homeless children, not by anyone. We wouldn’t be here right now if you could!”

He seems to only shrink in size as he curls up and munches on his food. “Why are you so obsessed with Felix, then?”

He turns to you.

“Obsessed? With Felix?” It strikes you as a little odd. “What do you mean obsessed with him? He hurt you, Eric. I can’t forgive him for that. You know how ride or die I am for the people I care about and the six of you are at the absolute top of that list. I’m fucking around with him because I want him to feel as small and pathetic as he’s made you feel, and I want it to fucking haunt him how he can’t help but think of it when it’s just him and his right hand. I want to drive him insane until he realises he fumbled the best thing to ever happen to him.”

“And Chan? You seem awfully interested in him too. And how interested he is in Felix.”

You are not sure whether to feel hurt or understanding at Eric’s accusations. You know he’s insecure and you know he needs your reassurance, but you don’t like the way he’s painting you in this whole situation. “Chan has a weak spot for Felix and it’s so easy to prey on. Why wouldn’t I? He’s the core of their group. He calls the shots and it seems like to some degree, everyone relies on him. You destabilise him, you destabilise all of them. Besides, we just have beef from leader to leader, creative to creative. I know we got invested in this whole rivalry for your sake at first, Eric, but it’s gotten pretty personal now. That doesn’t mean we’re moving past you now. It means we’re all taking them on together.”

“You make the battle of the bands sound like some huge psyop mission,” Kevin snorts, finishing off his plate. “We should just not worry about them and focus on making our performance the best we can be. I’m sure Chan and Felix and all of them will leave us alone if we just leave them be.”

“No way!”

You, Eric, Wooyoung, and Sunwoo, all pipe up at the same time, looking at Kevin incredulously.

“I don’t want to leave them alone, I want them to wish they could be us so bad,” Wooyoung huffs, crossing his arms. “C’mon, even you enjoyed putting Jupiter in their places last year. It’s fun to stick it to some bitches who deserve it!”

Kevin goes quiet, then waves his arm dismissively. “Yeah alright, whatever. Have your fun with it then, I guess.”

“Maybe I need to be having more fun with it,” Eric chuckles, poking at his dinner some more. “I mean, tag teaming him at the Prism was pretty fun. I guess I just got… really into my own head about it.”

“Attaboy,” you cheer, giving him an encouraging slap on the back, “that’s the spirit! Obviously you don’t have to fuck around with them if you don’t want to. But y’know. You can always annoy them more.”

“I think I’d rather fuck you in front of them and have them watch,” Eric throws out casually, making your eyebrows shoot up and your still aching core throb. “That’d be pretty hot. Wonder if they’d agree to it, though.”

You shrug. “I dunno Eric, we can be pretty damn convincing, I think. Maybe we should invite them to our dressing room next round. Or something. We’ll work it out. But before we get to any more plotting and scheming… how do you feel? Are you like… okay? Or at least better?”

“Better,” he nods, and you feel reassured in that he didn’t have to stop to think about it. “I don’t know. I know I was projecting my own insecurities onto you guys. And I know I was pushing you guys too far. I just needed to feel… like I held any weight here. Like I was still important to you guys.”

“Of course you’re still important to us,” Mingi breathes out, visibly saddened at the thought that Eric even had to doubt it. “I’m sorry you couldn’t feel it enough.”

“I do now, at least.” He cracks a small smile, and exchanges a knowing look with Kevin that makes you think Sunwoo was onto something when he said he’d let the keyboardist handle him. “I know that was the point of this entire trip. And I’m sorry all I used it for was to try and find ways to prove that you guys didn’t care as much as I did. I’ll stop projecting. At least, I’ll try.”

“That’s all we can ask for, Eric,” San reminds him, getting up to give him another hug. Sunwoo has to stabilise his plate so it doesn’t get shoved off his lap. “You can tell us if you’re feeling bad or insecure about things, y’know? Just please don’t get angry with us. You know we can talk things out calmly and you’re scary when you yell.”

Eric laughs at the audible pout in San’s voice without needing to see it over his shoulder. He pats him on the back affectionately. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll try not to. I’m sorry again. We can take tomorrow off, I think. Enjoy the holiday house while we’re here, spend the day by the lake, maybe. It’ll be fun.”

“Sounds like exactly what we all need!” Kevin agrees, clapping his hands together. “I unironically think that our practice will be even better if we don’t practice for a day. Let our bodies catch up with it all.”

“For sure,” Wooyoung agrees, “it’s always like that. In the meantime, I think we should all take turns schlobbing your knob for being such a great dance teacher.”

That makes everyone burst out laughing, but Wooyoung simply doubles down. “What? I mean it! I’ll give you the sloppiest toppy bro, the Gluck Gluck Triple Twist–“

“I get it, I get it,” Eric howls, trying to recover from the sudden humorous outburst. “God, that gave me whiplash. Yeah, sure, if you’re offering, I won’t say no.”

“It’s whatever you want, Eric,” you tell him, leaning on his shoulder this time, “after all, this is still meant to be your trip.”

The smallest but most genuine of smiles pulls at the corners of his lips, and he presses them to your crown appreciatively. “Thanks. All of you. You guys… mean a lot to me.”

Sunwoo notices the tears glistening on his cheeks before you do, and instantly leans in to kiss them off, and before you know it, everyone is swarming him to try and express their own forms of affection to a point that’s downright comical in it’s impracticality, knocking him off the log in your onslaught of touch and kisses.

“Ahaha, alright, alright! I get it, you guys too– ahahaha, fuckin hell, you guys are too much.”

Once again you hear what he really says, and it’s loud and clear;

I love you all so much.

a/n: i feel like the apologies for the wait get more and more ironic the longer i go between updates, but i really am sorry! 2023 was a year of all time for me and i was just speedrunning life events but it's okay i think im normal now. ish. im writing again at least! i slaved over this chapter for MONTHS because i kept changing it and hating parts of it no matter what i did so i just sat down and finished it and decided i would not proofread or reread at all and just go with whatever i come up with so i can finally get this chapter DONE or else it might have just sat in my wips rotting for another year. so apologies if you notice the dip in quality, but hopefully you wont LMFAOOoo

anyway the questionnaire is still open and even more relevant than ever so any responses are so so so appreciated and help me write future chapters! feel free to fill it out more than once if you have already a while back. LMFAO. anyway. enjoy! happy new year! jskdgfkskdh

#what goes on in neverland #poly stray kids x reader #poly the boyz x reader #poly ateez x reader #stray kids smut #the boyz smut #stray kids x male reader #male reader #transmasc reader #nonbinary reader #kim sunwoo x reader #han jisung x reader #the boyz x male reader #stray kids series #the boyz series #ateez series #diverseinsertsknet #yeah im so fuckin sick of tagging honestly pls just rb i beg

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themadlostgirl · 8 months

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Mine Alone

*Surprise bitch! I live!

Yes, after an extended hiatus I return! And I bring requests that have been haunting my inbox for months? A year? Sheesh. I will be getting the others out soon but gotta start with the one that was waiting the longest.*

Pairing: Felix x fem!Reader

Prompt: Felix smut. (That's all it said.) So enjoy you dirty little freaks!

---

You hadn’t really understood what was happening until it was too late. If that wasn’t the story of your life.

It had been a good couple of years since you came to Neverland. Even way back then you had been a little slow on the uptake. Nothing you did ever seemed that significant so you weren’t too worried about anything you did being noticed by anyone. No one ever gave you big jobs to do or positions of power you had to maintain. You just ambled along. It wasn’t that you were stupid, just a bit spacey. As a result you didn’t realize when something was wrong until it was well past the point of correction.

That was part of the reason you ended up on Neverland. Unloved kids came to dance around a bonfire late at night. You did too. You didn’t think anything strange of it, especially considering how many other people were there. So when the leader, Pan, offered to take you away from your boring life in your little town you agreed without much thought. Who would notice if you disappeared? There would be no great hunt for you. No people mourning you. No jobs that needed doing that only you could do. It was an easy decision on your part.

Despite it being years ago you still held some of that feeling of insignificance inside. There were so many other Lost Boys and Lost Girls on the island. Would your presence really be missed?

Then, along came Felix. Felix was one of the most prominent of the Lost Boys and Girls. He was Pan’s best friend and second in command of the island. He did something that only Pan had done once and hadn’t really again. He noticed you. Even more than that, he liked you.

What had started as an acquaintanceship turned into friendship and that friendship eventually became love. Your days were spent mainly with each other. You even shared a tent so you each could be the first thing you saw in the morning and the last thing you saw at night.

You once asked Felix why he had approached you all those years ago. What was it about you that made him want to be your friend? He never really answered it. He just said there was some pull he felt towards you. Like he was a ship on a still ocean and after years of being marooned, a breeze had finally come to push him to land.

“You had such a bright and open smile that you shared with everyone.” he had said, holding you close as you watched the waves crash on the sand. “I didn’t realize how strong it was until you turned it on me. I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried after that. Everything else came later.”

“Everything else?”

“Everything.” he said, “Your laugh. Your sense of humor. Your kindness. Your selflessness. I loved how passionate you got about little things. I love the little humming noises you make when you work. I love how tightly you hug. I love how fierce you can be when you need to be.”

“Wow. That’s a lot.”

“There’s a lot to love about you, dove.” he pulled you closer to his chest. “That was only the beginning.”

“You can be real romantic when you wanna be.”

“Yeah yeah, don’t go harping about it to the others though. For your ears only.”

“Yes, sir.” you gave a little salute. He scoffed but didn’t say anything else.

Since meeting Felix and starting your relationship you had come more out of your shell as well. You had become a lot more sociable with everyone else on the island and had made some good friends amongst them. You were still a little slow to catch on to when something was happening though. Which is where the problem really began.

You had been having a normal day when you met a boy named Andrew, Andy to his friends. You vaguely recognized him. He wasn’t new but he wasn’t an old inhabitant to the island either. Mainly you spotted him here and there but never really talked to him. The only reason you had approached him was because he was joining your fishing route to help you pull up traps.

Most of the time you spent together was walking the east half of the island checking the fishing traps. It was a long and boring job so you had got to talking. Turned out you had a lot in common. Your senses of humor were also similar so your time checking traps was spent laughing a lot. You didn’t think much of it. You were good friends, nothing more.

Felix was not as keen about your friendship though.

One day when you were out doing your route with Andy, Felix had showed up. You jogged up to greet him. “Hey, what are you doing here at this time of day?”

“I could hear you laughing.” he glanced past you at where Andy was standing. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, it won’t make a lot of sense if I try to explain it. Just a stupid inside joke.” you waved it off without a thought. “Have you met Andy yet?”

“In passing.” Felix muttered. “I didn’t realize you two were so close.”

“Yeah. We’ve become good friends.” you grabbed his hand and pulled him along. “Come say hi. I think that you’ll really like him.”

Surprising no one but yourself, Felix did not like Andy. Every time Andy made a joke, Felix’s scowl deepened. Every little touch had Felix seething. Whether it was when you ruffled Andy’s hair or Andy put an arm around your shoulders, everything seemed to make Felix mad. You didn’t understand why. It wasn’t anything different then how you acted with your other friends. Why did it make him so upset when it was with Andy of all people?

Then one day you got your answer.

You were doing your normal route checking the traps with Andy when he asked you to stop for a minute and take a break. That was fine with you. It was an especially hot day so you could do with some cooling off.

You waded out into the ocean, the cool water bringing your temperature down immediately. Andy swam after you and you floated on the surface of the ocean together.

“Hey, can I tell you something?” Andy asked, breaking the peaceful silence between you.

“You can tell me anything.” you said.

“So, we’re good friends, right?”

“We are.”

“And we get along great. We laugh all the time. I feel like I can talk to you about anything.”

“Yeah. That’s what being friends is.” you weren’t sure where he was going with all this.

“What I guess I’m trying to say is that I--” before he could finish his sentence a large wave crested over you and pushed you down under the water.

You broke the surface and Andy was sputtering for air. “Ah! I got water up my nose!”

“Ha!” you pushed your hair away from your face. “I guess that was the island’s sign that we should be getting back to work. Come on.” you swam back to shore with Andy behind you.

You got out of the water and grabbed your boots. You were still too wet to put them back on.

“Hey, wait, I didn’t get to tell you my thing.” Andy sloshed out of the water.

“Oh right, what did you need?”

“I wanted to tell you that I…I…” Andy was clenching and unclenching his fists by his sides. “Wow, I didn’t think this would be that hard.”

“What is going on? It’s just me.” you squeezed his shoulder, “You know you can talk to me.”

“I know.” he grabbed your hand. “I just…I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now that I…I really…”

He was taking forever to say whatever it was and your focus shifted behind him where you saw someone coming out of the jungle. Oh, it was Felix! That wasn’t surprising. He made a habit of coming to find you once your route was done. A smile stretched on your face after seeing him.

“Can I take that to mean you feel the same?” Andy asked.

You cursed yourself for losing your attention and focused on him again. “Hm? Sorry, I spaced out. What did you say?”

Andy deflated a bit before his chest puffed up again. “Perhaps I should just show you.”

He pulled on your hand so you were drawn closer to him and he cupped your cheek. His face was getting way too close! You pushed him off you. “What the hell are you--”

Before you could get another word out Felix had charged down the beach and tackled Andy, murder in his eyes. He didn’t even say anything. He just started wailing on him.

You shook off your shock and pulled Felix off. “Felix! Calm down!”

“I fucking knew it!” Felix seethed. “I knew there was no way you liked her just as a friend!”

“Felix--”

“You were so fucking pathetic! The way you just dogged after her. Did you really think she’d want a wet rag of an idiot like you!”

“Felix!” you snapped and he turned his attention away from Andy. “It’s okay. Nothing happened.”

“Nothing?” Andy wheezed as he sat up. “I know you like me. You’re so nice to me and you laugh at everything I say. You touch me like we’re more than friends.”

“I’m nice to everyone and I don’t touch you in any kind of special way. I’m a lot more touchy feely with the girls I hang out with than I am with you. Did you really think me messing up your hair was an invitation to kiss me or something?”

“You were flirting!”

“I was not! What about what I did made you possibly think I was flirting? Also, why would I flirt with you when I’m already with someone?”

“I figured you wanted someone you actually got along with. He doesn’t even act like he likes you. Why the hell are you with him?”

“Wow. It is almost like my love life is my own personal business and you don’t get to make assumptions on how much I like someone by your very limited point of view.” you snapped. “Find someone else to do this route with you. I don’t want to hang out with you anymore.”

You grabbed Felix and started to walk away but Felix quickly took the lead and pulled you along back into the jungle. He wasn’t saying anything but from how hard he was squeezing your hand you could tell he was still upset about it all.

“Hey,” you said as you quickened your steps to keep up with his long strides. “I’m sorry about what happened back there. I had no idea that he thought that way about me. I should have realized sooner what he was trying to get at. It should never have escalated to--”

“Stop.” Felix came to a halt, his back to you. “It wasn’t your fault. You were just being yourself, he was the one who--” he cut himself off. His whole body was tensed like a tightly wound spring that would break free at any moment.

“Felix…” you touched his shoulder. He whipped around, grabbing you tight by the shoulders.

“You’re mine. You’re mine and mine alone. Not his! Not anyone else’s! Mine!” It was then that you saw it. There was something like fear in his eyes. You had never seen Felix afraid of anything. But here and now there was something so desperate in his gaze that broke your heart.

“Yes. Yes I am.” you hushed him. You stroked his arms up and down in a soothing motion. “You know that. I don’t want anyone else the way I want you. You’re the only one I feel this way for. It’s alright. Take a deep breath.”

“I know…I know. I just--I can’t--” he was shaking slightly. “Do I not do enough? Do you wish I was more outwardly affectionate or something?”

“You do plenty. I love our relationship exactly as it is. I don’t need you to be glued to me all the time or make big romantic gestures.”

“If I did though, then they wouldn’t feel like they can just take you from me.”

“Is that what you’re worried about? Are you scared that someone is gonna take me away from you?”

He didn’t say anything. “Oh Felix.” you hugged him tight. “No one else will have me. I don’t want anyone else.”

“I love you.” he said, his voice quiet, “But I want to--it just feels like I have to--ugh!” he rested his head on your shoulder.

“It feels like you need to make sure I’m yours? Prove to everyone who I belong to?”

“You don’t belong to me, dove. You’re not a possession, but I just…I need it. I need to make sure I’m still yours.”

“You are. And I am yours, in every way that I can be. And if you need to “reclaim me” to put your mind at ease, then I’m certainly not going to complain.” you pulled dragged his hands down your body and settled them on your hips. “Claim me, Felix.”

He picked his head up, eyes boring into yours. “You sure?”

“Yes.” you pulled him down for a kiss. He kissed you back hungrily, his grip on you turning bruising as he covered your body with his. He dipped to start kissing your neck, sucking on the supple skin that still tasted like sea salt.

“Mine?” he mumbled against your pulse.

“Yours.” you reaffirmed.

He sunk his teeth down where your neck met your shoulder. One of his hands slid past the waistband of your pants and cupped your cunt. He began teasing your clit until you were moaning freely and bucking against his hand.

He stepped back from you just enough to pull your pants down and toss them away. “He had his hands on you. Tried to kiss you. Tried to kiss what is mine.” he muttered, his words barely meeting your ears. He stayed knelt on the ground, one hand splayed on your stomach to keep you up against the tree while the other hooked one your knees over his shoulder.

You grabbed at his choppy blonde hair as his mouth descended on your pussy. He might as well have been dying of thirst with how greedily he lapped up your arousal. You tried to grind against his face but he kept you firmly in place.

He looked up at you from between your legs, eyes dark with a feral lust. He worked you over with his tongue until your chest was heaving and your legs were shaking. “Felix! Please!” your voice was barely more than a whimper.

His nails bit into the flesh of your thigh and he sucked harshly on your clit. It was enough to send you over the edge and you came on his tongue.

You had barely started to blink the stars away from your vision before he was on his feet and shucking your shirt off over your head. In the back of your mind you knew that perhaps you should have moved to somewhere more private. It was a big island but that didn’t mean no one may come across you. That worry though was far from your immediate thoughts at the moment though.

You were quickly ridding Felix of his own shirt but it was hard to get up past his head on your own since he was so freaking tall. He ended up just taking it off himself before pressing his body up against yours.

“Feels like forever since the last time I properly fucked you.” he muttered in your ear as he freed his cock from his pants and rubbed it across your folds. The heat of his erection so close to your cunt had you squirming trying to impale yourself on it.

It had been a while since the last time you two had sex. Maybe that was part of the reason he was so pent up. And you as well for that matter.

He pressed his forehead to yours. “I can’t be gentle with you.” he stressed through his teeth, “Not right now.”

“I don’t want you to be.” you told him. “Now are you going to fuck me so hard I never forget who I belong to or not?”

“Fucking hell, dove.” he kissed you hard. He pushed inside your pussy, filling you completely. He didn’t give you a chance to adjust to the size of him before he was pounding into you. Taking what he wanted from your body without mercy. You clung tight to him, your nails scratching angry red lines across his back as you took the harsh fucking.

“Ah…Felix! Mmm!” you bit your lip to keep from crying out. It was hard to tell where the pleasure started and the pain began. Your back was being scratched to death by the bark at your back but the friction of his cock relentlessly thrusting in and out of your already sensitive pussy felt like heaven.

“Mine.” he murmured against your lips. “You. Are. Mine.” he punctuated each word with a particularly hard thrust.

“Yours. I’m yours.” you whimpered. He swallowed the sound of your moans as your body was being driven steadily closer to a climax.

“Fuck!” his hips snapped against yours even faster. “Dove, I--I--fuck you feel good!”

“Cum for me.” you wrapped your legs around his hips, keeping you close. “Please Felix! Cum for me! Cum in me!”

“Yes…yes dove…gonna…gonna--” he was cut off by a low guttural moan as his cock pulsed and spent itself inside you. He was still fucking you though even as he was cumming.

“Oh god!” you could feel his cum leaking out of you as his cock kept going. How was he still hard after cumming so much?

“More.” he said, his voice hoarse from pleasure. You were sure what he meant but were surprised when he pulled out of you and all but threw you to the ground. You turned to see what he was doing but he flipped you back onto your stomach and hiked your ass off the ground. Oh! You weren’t expecting that. At least the ground was soft so it’d be easier on your knees.

He grabbed you by the hips and pushed back inside you. It felt like he was reaching even deeper inside of you from this position.

Your nails dug into the warm soil of the jungle floor as he went back to fucking you. He was hitting a sweet spot inside you that had you panting and clawing at the ground for some kind of tether to reality. Your legs spread wider to allow him better access to your cunt.

You could feel him bent low over your body, hands splayed on your hips as he rutted against you like a beast in heat. You could feel the fringe of his hair tickling the space between your shoulder blades. A single word grunting past his lips with every sweet shallow thrust. “Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine!”

You squirmed and kicked as your body was driven into a state of pleasure that was overloading your brain. You couldn’t tell if you were trying to get away or push yourself closer to him. Felix answered by dragging your legs back so they rested by his. He was so incredibly close it was hard to tell where his body began and yours ended. Not that you could tell up from down in this exact moment.

Your words were nothing but hot blubbering sighs and garbled calls of his name. Hot tears streaked down your face. Still Felix kept chanting that one word over and over. “Mine!” it got louder and louder until he was practically shouting it.

When he came you came with him, a scream of pleasure so raw it tore your throat apart. Your chest was heaving and your whole body was twitching as it tried to reconcile the orgasm you just had.

Felix was incredibly still except for the heavy breaths you could feel him taking. His voice which had been so loud a moment ago was now quiet and hushed with whispers. “Mine…mine and mine alone…my dove…mine…”

You collapsed onto your sides but Felix kept you pressed close, his softening cock still wedged in your pussy as you caught your breath. His arms wound around you, holding you tight. “You…are you okay?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.

“Yeah. Are you?”

He pressed a soft kiss to the back of your neck. “Yeah. Thanks for letting me get that out of my system.”

“It was my pleasure…literally.” you responded. He sighed which let you know he was fighting back a smile.

“Felix?” you turned your head as far back as you could to look at him. Your nose bumped against his. “Mine.”

He smiled. “Yes, dove. Yours.”

#ouat #long post #felix imagine #felix x reader #ouat felix #smut #neverland #peter pan ouat #request

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crazyfoolish · 28 days

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#bookworm #ebook #romantasy #romance #peter pan #aesthetic #books #kindle #smut #neverland

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themoonitselff · 1 year

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I&R

(introduction and rules)

Helloo! My name is Ruth, I'm a writer, 19 yrs old, I was born in Latam, my favorite things are the moon, dogs and Lana Del Rey. She/her pronouns.

•I write for multiple fandoms.

•My english is very shitty so pls be nice.

•Yes, I do write NSFW. Im kind of new at it but I'm okay with everything, as long as it is not gore, vomit, hardcore BDSM or stuff like that.

•Please be nice to each other in the comments. It would be lovely if you suggest ideas.

•I do write for female, male, gender neutral reader.

•I usually take my time when writing and posting fanfics and headcanons, be patient.

•Talking about fanfics and headcanons, when making a request, please especify what you want. I'm very silly and I confuse a lot.

•También hago fanfics y headcanons en español, por si eres hispanoamericano y encuentras mucho inglés acá JAJSHS (I also do fanfic and hc stuff in spanish)

It is hard to live when you're so small in a world like this one. Is so hard to shine when other people makes you reflect their own bright. It's tough when you're not what everyone thought, always pretty when far away, but ends up being undesired when stars come close to see the other side of the moon.

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flowizxs · 3 days

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saturn7162 · 3 months

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IF I DON'T FIND THIS FUCKING FANFICTION I'M GONNA LOSE MY MIND

#oc #writing #fanfic #original character #fanfiction #not a fic #short #tpn #the promised neverland #if i dont find this i fucking sWEAR #why is it always the smut fics i cant find #just let me read my disgusting ass fanfiction #not the kids btw thats gross #its 100% isabella #im kind of sorry #but im obsessed #shes hot #like really

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rosekiller-addict · 1 year

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You know when you're in a fandom and your looking for fics but a lot of them have violence bc the book has a lot of violence but you really don't want to read that but then you find a fic that looks good only its 94k+ words but your gonna read it bc the writing looks good and then you realize it's smut and you're not a smut reader :(

#Fanfic #Fanfiction #Smut #Ao3 #Wattpad #Norray #ramen not norray #Norman tpn #norman x ray #Tpn #the promised neverland #Ray tpn

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neverland93 · 4 months

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Peter Pan Imagine/ Attitude

“What are your intentions with Y/N?” Hook asks Pan as they walk around Storybook

“Easy, love her, support her, cherish her beauty, protect her, and always validate her feelings.” He said with a smile.

“Sounds like you got your priorities straight!” As he pats him on his back and walks towards Emma

“And to fuck that little attitude right out of her.” He said under his breath.

#robbie kay #peter pan #ouat #once upon a time #peter pan imagine #peter pan request #peter pan imagines #peter pan stories #neverland #fandom #robbie kay smut #smut robbie kay #smut imagines #smut imagine #ouat smut #peter pan smut #smut fanfiction #smut

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itsroxxanne-thatonestreamer · 1 year

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Ideas?

Hey hey hey! I write a ton of stories and fanfics and I’ve ran out of ideas. If anyone has any recommendations or suggestions please tell me! Here are some of my most popular fandoms that people like so see

-OBX (outer banks)

-TPN (the promised never land)

-haikyuu!!!

-MHA (my hero academia)

-Stranger things

Newsies (broadway and movie)

sam and Colby

I do tons more just please lemme know and even what kind of story I should do (ex: who the protagonist is related to, how the relationship goes exedra) I do fluf angst and spicy stuff to do just lemme know!

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donteattheappleshook · 2 months

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Not Broken At All Chapter 17/?

Summary:

Rated E

Catch up on Ao3 (where my italics work) or on Tumblr 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

Thank you thank you thank you @the-darkdragonfly for helping me so much with this chapter I literally wrote at your kitchen table lol.

This one is a bit shorter because I had to move the last scene to the next chapter or it would have been like 10k long…. but hopefully that means chapter 18 is coming soon!

(at least you didn't have to wait a year for chapter 17?)

*******

Part 17

Emma follows Killian’s eyes as they dart towards the ceiling, the deck above their heads. It’s dark out, but not the dark of night, the dark of an oncoming storm, that ominous, looming chill of electricity in the air, the waves lapping against the sides of the ship that rocks unsteadily against the threatening sea. A shiver runs down her spine. Whether Pan’s here or not - he’s fucking furious.

There’s a knock on the door, Wendy not waiting for permission before pushing it open. “Is he here?” Killian asks, voice low.

She shakes her head, holding a small, empty vial. “Not yet. But Ianeira sent a warning - he’s on his way and he’s not happy.” She looks out at the first heavy drops that land against the window like bullets. “Obviously.”

“Get the boys below deck,” he orders, still not raising his voice above the rumble of the storm outside. “Scarlet,” he adds, the younger pirate leaning against the doorframe, “go wake the crew. Tell them to be ready for a fight.”

“What are you going to do?” Wendy frowns like she already knows the answer.

“Handle Pan.”

“Absolutely not.” Emma answers at the same time as Wendy’s “like hell” rings through the air. “This was my idea. I’ll go deal with the consequences,” she insists, but her words are ignored as the two captains continue to argue. Will shoots her a sympathetic shrug from his place in the doorway.

“We don’t have time to argue,” Killian finally snaps at his second, standing and grabbing Emma’s pants from where she hung them last night before tossing them to her. “Pan and his Lost Boys will be here any minute and we need to make sure the boys are hidden and the crew is ready to defend the Jolly.”

“Is that an order, Captain?” Wendy asks, arms crossing over her chest and Killian stiffens. Emma didn’t miss the weight put behind the question.

“Cap-” he starts but she cuts him off.

“No. No more of this ‘I’m not the captain’ or two captains bullshit. If you’re going to pull rank and make me follow orders then you don’t get to decide you don’t want to be in charge anymore tomorrow. If this crew is going to put our lives on the line for your plan, and trust you to handle Pan, then you’re going to be the one to make the order. And if you die today -” Her harsh facade breaks just a fraction - “It won’t be because of something I could have stopped.”

The room is silent as the two stare each other down, the rush and howls of the storm growing louder outside, growing closer as they remain locked in the standoff, Wendy’s ultimatum hanging between them. “Well?” she demands.

He’s silent for another moment, but then he lets out a sigh. “Bring the boys below deck, make sure they don’t make a sound or Pan will remember that they’re here.” Another hesitation as neither she or Will move and his thumb runs over the ring on his finger. “That’s an order.”

Wendy’s shoulders both straighten and sag at once as she shifts into her new role, her face blank, betraying nothing, but Emma knows. She can see the hurt and the fear, of his betrayal and of the danger he’s putting himself in as she nods. “Aye, Captain.”

Killian flinches away from the title just the barest amount before she heads out of the room.

“What are you gonna tell him?” Will glares at his usurping captain.

Killian sighs. “I haven’t figured that part out yet.” He reaches for his shirt, pulling it on over his head and turning to find the man still there. “Go wake the crew,” he orders again and Will stares at him for a long moment before doing as he’s told.

Emma watches him as he dresses, yanking her own pants on and rising from the bed, the buttons of his vest fastened methodically, one by one with practiced fingers before he dons his greatcoat. She realizes what she’s watching as he slides his sword into its sheath, secures it to his hip: a soldier dressing for battle, each piece of his armour clad carefully down to the expression he smooths over his face, the one that hides the man who’d let her in his bed and held her against the threat of the night behind a cold, heartless facade.

“Killian,” she starts, ready to fight him on this. Rescuing the boys was her decision. She’d made them do it. This should be her responsibility. Nobody else's lives should be on the line for her choices. A boom of thunder cuts her off before a flash of lightning brightens the room.

“He’s here,” Wendy tells them, stepping back into the room. Killian doesn’t confirm if his orders have been followed - he doesn’t need to.

“Let me go,” Emma insists. “I can tell him it was my idea. I can -”

“No.” They answer in unison and before she can protest a boom of thunder echoes above them and an angry, lilting voice calls out above them.

“Thieves! Show yourselves!” The demand is followed by a roar of approval, small, young voices calling out in a battle cry she’s heard before. The room goes silent, tension in every line of her body and Killian’s. Wendy looks to her captain, waiting for orders, hands fisted like she’s trying not to barge up there herself.

Emma sees the barest flash of fear in his gaze before he schools it and turns to her, leveling her with a hard, commanding look.

“Go to the hold with the children. Promise me you’ll stay down there - that you won’t make a sound.” Emma glares at him, his face only inches away as he speaks so quietly she can barely hear him. He glares back just as defiantly. “Promise me, Swan.” She doesn’t answer. She’s not promising that. Not when it’s her fault Pan’s here and he could hurt them. “They need you. They trust you and they need to stay hidden. If Pan’s reminded they’re here… he might demand their lives in place of the dead we took.”

Her glare deepens. “I know what you’re doing.”

The corner of his mouth turns up just a fraction before he straightens it. “Then you should have no problem following through with it.” When her shoulders straighten his hand comes to her cheek. “We can’t risk Pan finding out about you - not while we don’t have a way of defeating him or saving Henry. You can’t protect anyone if you’re dead,” he adds, using her words against her now and her eyes narrow. “You can’t protect Henry if you’re dead.” That one hits hard and Emma knows he’s right - but she still doesn’t like it. She doesn’t want him dead either.

Pan’s warning rings out again, harsher this time - ‘Come out and face me, coward!’ - and Killian’s shoulders tense. “Fine,” she concedes. “But if things go bad -”

“You’ll stay right here.” It’s a warning, and she almost wants to call him on it, to see what he really thinks he can do to her that’s worse than the situation they’re already in, but she bites her tongue. He takes her silence as the end of the discussion. “Darling,” he calls over his shoulder. “Bring her to the hold and then join me on deck - Darling,” he tries again when she doesn’t respond, but Wendy’s attention is focused outside the cabin, staring out down the hall, a frown starting to pull at her brow and Killian’s matches it. “Wendy?”

“Where’s Will?”

“What?”

“Will.” Her voice is low, far away but rising with tightly restrained panic. “He should be back by now. Where’s the crew?”

As if on cue, a voice rings out loudly above them. “Pan! Two visits in as many days? To what do we owe the honour?” They rush to the stairs, crouched low looking out at where Will stands, alone, facing off against Pan. Fuck. Please don’t be an idiot. She can feel Wendy tense beside her and Killian reaches, grabbing his first mate’s arm.

“Don’t,” he warns and Emma’s surprised to see her try to yank her arm free. But he holds firm.

“Scarlet.” Pan sounds annoyed but intrigued nevertheless. “It’s been a long time.” He cocks his head, a small smirk on his childlike face. “You got old.”

“Go get the crew,” Killian orders, staring her down and not releasing her until the fight fades slightly from her eyes. He knows how much this must be killing her. “If there’s going to be a fight, we won’t be able to stop him alone. Bring them with you and meet me on deck.”

Will baulks. “How dare you! I’ll have you know I’ve the complexion of a man less than half my age.” He brushes a hand over his scruffless cheek as if to prove it.

There’s still resistance in Wendy’s stance but she nods, dashing off towards the crew’s quarters. Killian turns to her. “Stay here. Don’t let the children leave the hull.” She can only nod, still watching as her new friend continues to bait Pan. “Bloody idiot,” Killian mutters under his breath.

Emma grabs his arm, halting him. She waits until his questioning gaze turns to her. “Be careful. Please.”

He watches her for a moment, eyes darting up to the deck, and then takes her hand, presses a kiss to the back of it and nods the voices above growing louder. He spares her one last glance before dashing up the stairs.

“Hook,” Pan says as soon as he reaches the bow of the ship. “There you are. I don’t like to be kept waiting.”

“Apologies,” Killian offers with a small bow and a polite smile. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Where are my shadows?”

“Your shadows? We don’t have any shadows here.”

“Don’t lie,” Pan snaps and Emma flinches. “You stole eleven lost boys from me. Those were my lives - I won them fair and square. Give them back.” Emma half expects him to stomp his foot, but it’s then that she realizes that he can’t - because he’s not on the deck. He’s flying, or hovering a few feet above it. Wendy had said that Neverland’s magic couldn’t touch the Jolly - does that mean Pan can’t either? Can he not set foot onboard?

“They’re at the bottom of the sea, I’m afraid,” Killian tells him with a wince and she can see the rage building in the small boy.

“Then I’ll take them from your crew. Eleven of them in exchange for the ones that you took.” Emma casts a glance back down the hall towards the hold where a dozen children hide.

“No need for that,” Killian begins. “They aren’t to blame for this little misunderstanding. I’m sure we can find a solution where you get what you want that’s fair.” Pan hesitates at the word fair. He loves his games - he loves his rules.

“Then who is to blame?” he demands. “Bring the thief forward so that he can be punished.”

“Unfortunately we-”

“I did it.”

“Scarlet,” Wendy hisses in warning, but he’s already taking another step towards Pan.

“It was my idea.”

Pan glares. “Why?”

There’s a pause and then Will smirks. “I just wanted to piss you off. For old time’s sake.”

The boy’s anger shifts into something cruel and amused. “Well then, you can pay the price for old times sake. You remember how much fun my punishments can be,” he adds. She sees Will’s back go stiff right before Pan’s hand plunges deep into his chest and Emma has to cover her mouth with her hands to catch the scream that tries to escape. The crew stills, petrified. This isn’t the first time they’ve seen this happen.

“Wait!” Wendy shouts as Will lets out a groan of pain. Killian grabs her arm, silencing her and holding her in place. Pan ignores her, pulling his hand free, something bright and red and glowing held in his palm. That can’t be what she thinks it is.

“Eleven lives,” he muses again, floating easily across the deck, thinking. He gives the thing a small squeeze and Will cries out falling to his knees. Pan smirks, he’s enjoying this, she can tell; he already knows what he wants to do and Emma’s nails dig into her palms, every bone in her body demanding she go up there and not let this happen. It should be her that pays the price. Not Will.

His fingers tighten around it again and Will stops breathing, hand clutched to his chest where his heart should be until finally, Pan loosens his grip, looking at Will with his head cocked again. “You really did get old, Scarlet. But maybe not old enough…” He looks him over carefully, then the mass in his hand. “Eleven Lost Boy’s lives… so many years - But I think we can make it an even hundred. For old times sake?” he smirks. “That sounds fair,” he decides. “You can pay me back a hundred years.”

When he squeezes the heart again, Will collapses onto the deck, bits of dust slipping from Pan’s fingers as the light flickers in and out and Emma can see Killian physically holding Wendy back now, knuckles white around the leather of her coat. Nobody breathes. The crew look like it’s taking everything they have not to run - either to Will or away from Pan. Instead they stand frozen.

She counts the seconds as they go by. One. Two. Three. Four. Five… Will rasps out a strangled cry, fists balling against the wood planks of the deck. Six. Seven. Eight… She watches him grit his teeth, sweat beading along the back of his neck, fighting. Nine. Ten. Eleven…

When she reaches eleven, Will takes his first breath in what feels like hours, the light in Pan’s loosened grip smaller and dimmer but still glowing, still beating.

“That should do it,” he smiles, returning Will’s heart to his chest.

Will gasps, settling his hand over it as if to feel the beat under it - make sure it’s really there. Then he frowns up at the boy. “Is… is that it?”

“Scarlet.” It’s Killian who snaps this time. “Below deck. Now.” Emma can’t see the look Wendy gives him when Will defers to her, but it sends him to his feet and across the deck in a second, head bent low.

“Emma,” he greets with all his usual bravado despite the raspiness of his breath when he finds her on the stairs. “Fancy seeing you here.”

She punches him in the arm. Hard. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Ow!”

“That was so stupid! What the hell were you thinking?”

Will shrugs. “I owed him one. And I’m not going to let Killian get one up on the galant gestures.”

“Hook.” Pan says, drawing her attention away before she can hit Will again. “If your crew isn’t going to play fair then they won’t get to play with us anymore”

“I’ll get them in line,” he promises and she can hear the edge in his voice.

“Good. Do you need a reminder of the rules? You were away for a long time…”

“I remember.”

Pan nods, happy now - a child getting his way. “Good. Then the game can continue.” He turns, hovering over the railing of the ship and casting them one last glance as the threat of a storm begins to clear. “But no more chances,” he warns. Both Killian and Wendy nod solemnly before he flies off towards the beach.

As soon as he’s gone, Wendy practically runs towards the cabin. “All of you,” Killian commands, drawing the crew’s attention away from their former captain. “Back to work. Now,” he snaps when they don’t obey immediately. They scatter, finding work to keep them busy.

Emma has to jump out of the way as the other woman barrels down the stairs, grabbing Will by the shoulders. She turns him one way and then another, hands coming to his face as she does the same to his head, checking for injuries. Finally, her hand settles on his chest and Emma can tell she’s counting heartbeats. Will lets her, not resisting as she checks him for any sign of permanent damage.

When she seems satisfied, she raises furious eyes to his, the hand at his chest fisting in his shirt and shoving him away from her. “Fuck you, Scarlet,” she bites out before storming off down the hall.

Killian takes over, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. Will is less willing to let himself be manhandled by him though, shoving at his arm even as he holds firm. “Do you not know how to follow an order, mate?”

“I’m not your mate,” he snaps back, more annoyed than angry. “And you’re not my Captain.”

“And here I thought we were getting along,” Killian answers sarcastically. “And you don’t have to like it, but I am your Captain and if you do that to her again -”

“Like you did when you took off to find Henry?”

“That was different. I did it to spare her the pain of losing someone she cares for.”

“So did I. Do you really think Pan would have been so forgiving if you’d taken the blame? You’ve been gone a long time, Hook. You’re not his favourite playmate anymore.”

“And you are?”

“I’m still alive aren’t I?”

Killian scoffs. “You’ve lasted a decade. Speak to me when you survive a century.”

“Well if we keep her alive we won’t have to,” Will snarks, nodding at Emma.

“Me?”

“I wouldn’t have stuck my neck out for you if I didn’t think you were actually going to change things.” Emma doesn’t have an answer to that, the weight of his faith in her more than she can handle right now. “Don’t make me regret it, aye?” he winces, rubbing at his chest.

“What did he do to you?”

He gives a small shrug. “Crushed my heart. Wasn’t so bad, really - I’ve had worse.”

“What?”

“It’s a particular favourite of his,” Killian explains.

“I’ve seen him do it to disobedient Lost Boys for hours - days once. He’s done it longer to me when I was his second. I’m surprised it was only…”

“Eleven seconds,” Emma supplies. The longest eleven seconds she can remember.

“Aye - I thought he’d be angrier.”

“What did he mean by you paying him back a hundred years?”

Will shrugs again. “Pan loves his riddles. I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough. I need to go find Wendy.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Killian warns and it almost sounds like a threat.

Will scoffs, finally shoving his hand away. “Please. I’ve done stupider things than egg Pan on.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Killian rolls his eyes and Will glares at him before smirking.

“I’ve become very good at getting her to forgive me.”

Emma wonders for a moment if she’s going to have to prevent a murder. “Get out of here before I get Pan to come back and crush your heart for good.”

“What? I thought we were mates -”

“Go,” Emma tells him. Before Killian follows through on that promise. Thankfully, Will isn’t stupid enough to push him any further and does as he’s told. She puts a hand on Killian’s arm. “Just remember that he almost died today. Cut him a bit of slack.” He doesn’t seem convinced, continuing to glare after the younger man. “And he might have saved our lives. He definitely saved mine.”

Killian scoffs, finally looking at her. “And he’ll never let us forget it.”

“So what’s next?” she asks, trying to distract him from his sort of daughter and her sort of boyfriend’s sort of love life.

“Hmm?”

“We’ve got the lorelei, we’ve got Tinkerbell, we’ve got a ship full of Lost Boys and pirates, we kept him from getting any more shadows… what do we do now?”

“We figure out what Pan’s plan is.”

“Can we not just… kill him?” she knows they can’t - probably - but she’s pretty sure the idea hasn’t been thrown out there yet so it’s worth a shot.

Killian shakes his head like she expected him to. “If we could, I’d have done it by now. I did once, when I first returned to Neverland after decades away. I ran him through with my sword trying to avenge my brother.” Her hand on his arm tightens without her meaning it to. “He pretended, made a whole show and lay there until I was sure he was dead - and then he started to laugh. Just another game - the first one I played with him even if I didn’t know it. He told me it was the only time he would let me win.”

“We’ll find a way.”

He smiles at her, small and half-hearted but she believes him. “I’m sure you will.”

***

“Why do we have to do this?” one of the boys - Kyle, she thinks - complains, dropping the wooden sword to his side. It had been so strange and jarring to learn some of the Lost Boys names over the last few days. “ We have nothing to do but wait ,” Killian had said. “Tink has let the Constant know that we’re ready to meet with them and they’ll send word when they’ve decided if they’ll hear us out .” For some reason, the boys had all been like Wendy in her mind, born ‘ somewhere around the 1880s, I think, ’ or Will, who’d come to Neverland during the Blitz, using dreams to escape the nightmares of real life. But this new group of boys weren’t characters out of a book or an old black and white photo.

“My mom named me after the guy in some robot movie that had just come out,” Kyle mentioned and it was a moment before it clicked. “The Terminator?!” He’d only shrugged. “That might’ve been it.” This boy was her age. He couldn’t have been born more than a couple of years after she was. Another boy’s tattered shirt had a faded image of Lilo and Stitch on it - he didn’t look more than twelve. These boys were just… kids. Regular kids like the ones she grew up with and the ones who lived in Storybrooke or Boston - boys like Henry. And now they were soldiers.

“We have to do this,” Wendy answers, giving his fake sword a tap with her own so his arm straightens, “because everyone on this ship needs to be ready to defend her when the next raid happens - If you want to live until the next one.”

“But we already know how to fight,” he whines. “We defeated you every time.” If Wendy’s upset at the casual mention of her crewmates being slaughtered, she doesn’t let it show. “I already know how to sword fight.”

“Do you now?” Killian calls from the helm before she can answer.

“Captain…” his first mate starts but he ignores her. He’s an imposing figure, clad in black leather with the metal of his hook gleaming in the sun and the weight of his sword heavy at his hip. As his footsteps echo across the deck as he makes his way over to where the boys had begun their training they all go silent.

“Now now, Mr. Darling, if the boy thinks he’s beyond our instruction he should have the chance to prove himself.” He stops in front of the new recruit, drawing his sword in a slow, measured movement, the tip an inch from the kid’s nose and Emma panics for just a second that he might cut him down right there. But then he turns to Wendy, “Bosun, get this boy a real blade,” and she realizes he’s had exactly the effect he intended as everyone around him tenses.

Wendy goes to fetch a weapon, shooting him the kind of eyeroll kids learn to make in front of adults without getting caught - one she knows very well.

“Think you can defeat me, boy?”

To his credit, Kyle straightens his shoulders, taking the offered sword and raising it to the Captain’s, ready for a fight. She thinks she might see the tiniest bit of approval beneath the scorn in Killian’s expression. The boy moves first, swinging at him with all his might as he deflects again and again. Killian’s toying with him - she knows he is. She saw Killian fight Will that first night on the Jolly. His blocks are too slow, letting the kid get within inches of hitting him. He doesn’t make a single attack, his feet unmoving and she’d think it was cruel if she didn’t understand why he was doing it.

Finally, when the boy starts to sweat, she sees Killian shift, adjusting his stance as he swings at his opponent. The block comes almost too late, only stopped by the way Killian pulls back at the last moment. He does it again, and again, backing the boy across the deck with blow after blow. There’s no flourish to it, no showmanship, just skill and finesse and strength and speed.

The kid starts to panic, the attacks coming too fast and Emma holds back a gasp when Killian’s blade slices across Kyle’s forearm. After that, it’s easy for Killian to twist his blade out of the kid’s shocked hand with his own, his elbow coming up to knock the boy flat on his ass. By the time he looks up, nose bloody, eyes dazed and watery, Killian’s sword is pointed at his chest, his brow arched in a harsh challenge.

“Please don’t kill me,” the boy says so quietly and so heartbreakingly that she thinks she sees Killian’s face soften just the barest amount before he takes a step back, dropping his sword.

“Listen, all of you,” he booms, though every eye on the deck is already on him. “You’ve never defeated anyone. Until now you’ve been playing a game and the game has been rigged. And I’m sorry to say, you’re now on the losing team. The only thing that matters from this moment on is staying alive. And the only way to stay alive is being a skilled enough fighter - and knowing how to hold that skill back enough - that Pan will want to fight you again.”

He lets this hang in the air for a moment, the boys’ faces showing different degrees of confusion and understanding and horror. “So all of you will follow Mr. Darling’s instructions and learn everything you can from him. You’ll fight to defend this ship, yourselves, and each other when the time comes because you’re part of my crew now.” He reaches a hook out to Kyle who sits cradling his nose and heaves the boy to his feet. “And we look after our own.”

Killian looks at the boy who nods, message received loud and clear, before clapping him on the shoulder. “Scarlet, see that our newest crew member’s wounds are tended to. He put up quite the fight.”

“Aye, Captain,” Will complies without argument or sarcasm and Killian must be as shocked as she is because he keeps his mouth shut.

“Darling must have said something to him,” he tells her when Emma joins him, his sword sliding carefully back into its sheath as he watches Wendy continue her lesson.

“Or maybe you just did.” Killian only looks at her, brow raised in disbelief before she gestures at the sword hanging at his belt. “So, come on, are you going to show me how to use this thing or not?”

His face splits into a shit-eating grin. “Ah, Swan, I’ve dreamed of the day that you’d ask me to show you how to handle my sword.”

***

“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?” Tinkerbell asks. She’d floated onto the ship that night, looking stronger than when Emma had last seen her - the few days with the Constant clearly having done her good. Her wings looked taller, fully unfurled, the crepe paper like skin no longer breakable and frail as they flutter behind her.

“Is there good news?” Killian sighs, standing from his desk where he’d been looking over maps of the island while Emma asked him questions about them, how each was different based on when it was drawn, what Pan had changed, who he had brought. He seemed unbothered by the fairy magicking his window open and letting herself in.

“They’ve agreed to meet with you. They haven’t agreed to help,” she clarifies when Killian looks surprised, “but they’ve agreed to hear you out.”

“And the bad news?”

“They’ll only meet us in Echo Caves.”

Killian lets out a heavy, long suffering sigh, thumb brushing the inner corner of his brow, words dripping with sarcasm. “Wonderful. Did they happen to give a reason why?”

“Something about making sure you can be trusted - some incident at skull rock?”

“It was a misunderstanding,” he mutters under his breath.

“Really because the way I heard it -”

“It’s fine. Tell them we agree to their terms. When do they expect us?”

“First light.”

Killian nods. “We’ll be there. And Tink,” he adds when she turns to leave. “Thank you.”

She sneers. “I’m not doing it for you.” And then she’s gone before he can say another word.

“What’s Echo Caves?” Emma pulls her knees up to her chest where she’s perched on the desk after she’s sure the fairy’s out of earshot and Killian’s sagged back in his seat.

“Another one of Neverland’s little delights,” he sighs again. “The magic of the cave compels you to share your deepest secret - whether or not you’re even aware of it.”

“Have you gone before?” she asks.

“Once.” His hand drifts up without her really noticing, fingers curling around her calf, thumb tracing over her shin and she thinks maybe it wasn’t a pleasant experience. “Pan wanted to test my loyalty.” She rests her chin on her knee, dreading what he may have had to confess to Pan to keep himself alive on this horrible island. He smiles up at her then, a put-on apathy. “Thankfully, I had many terrible deeds in my past to confess to.” He doesn’t give her a chance to say anything before he releases her and stands again - something dropped between them and something else put up.

“Are you afraid?”

Killian doesn’t look at her. “Always.” Her heart tightens. She understands - she’d only been here a few weeks and she’s been terrified every moment - apart from her brief experiment with fairy wine - centuries… she can’t imagine. “But not of the Constant. Tiger Lily may hold a grudge but they’ll do whatever’s best for this island, and so will their people. And I’ve no ill-intent towards them or love for Pan.” He looks at her then, pausing. “Are you?”

“Of having to spill my deepest secret to a bunch of strangers? No, why would I possibly be stressed about that?” she smirks half-heartedly.

“Strangers?” Killian raises a brow, sliding back across the room and resting his hand and hook on the desk on either side of her. “You hurt me, Swan. I thought we were friends - acquaintances at least.”

She shoves at his chest rolling her eyes and he smirks. “Usually a guy has to buy me dinner before he gets to hear the all sordid details of my past.” Or coffee in an empty theme park where a pretty smile and a well-placed sneak into his past makes her think she’s safe to reveal herself, to trust someone with all of it.

“Hey,” his thumb brushes over her knee as he tries to catch her gaze. “Where’d you go?”

Not anywhere he needs to know about - or anywhere she’d care to revisit. So she smiles at him, lets her foot brush against the side of his calf, teasing, distracting. “Just trying to figure out which of my deepest secrets are gonna come spilling out of me tomorrow.” He doesn’t believe her, his lie detector almost as good as her own, she's realized, but he doesn’t say anything about it.

“Well you are a mystery, Swan,” he tells her with a half-hearted smirk.

“Not for much longer, apparently.”

Something shifts in the way he’s looking at her, sympathy or understanding as he cocks his head. “You know you don’t have to come if -”

“I’m going.”

Killian huffs a laugh. “Of course you are. Well if there’s anything you want to get off your chest without an audience, now’s the time.” His eyebrow quirks up in challenge. “Won’t be a secret anymore if you tell me.” She meets it.

“What? Is one revelation about me not enough for you?”

Something shifts again, something heavier, her skin warm and humming with fear and anticipation as he looks at her the way he had when he’d been curled around her on the floor of the brig. His voice is lower when he speaks. “Perhaps I’d just like to know you, Swan.”

She casts her eyes to the floor, his gaze too intense - always too intense - before setting the smirk that had fallen from her lips back in place. “You first.”

“I’m an open book, love. Ask me anything you like.”

She has one question, one that’s been itching at the back of her mind since she’d seen the canvas of scars etched across his skin. “Who were you? Before you were here - before you were ‘Captain Hook’?”

His bravado falters for a moment. “I was many things. Son, brother, slave, sailor, lieutenant, captain, pirate, partner… None for very long.” He gives her another of those showy smirks. “It seems Hook is the only one that stuck.” Her heart breaks a little, so many loves lost and so many injustices done in such a short life. She thinks of the scars that had criss-crossed his back, that she’d asked about so casually then - slave he’d said - and she wishes she could do it over, pay both them and him the reverence they deserve. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

His hand slides to her wrist, to the laces she’d tied there the first day she’d come back to the sheriff’s office alone. All of his things had been gone. Desk cleared out, jacket taken from the back of his chair, the few things he bothered to keep - a tacky ceramic wolf, a photo of him and some friends she never bothered to ask him about, even the bottle of whiskey he kept in his top drawer - had been ransacked. He had no family that she knew of - no family that could be found at all - and she’d just known that it was Regina. She’d come in and wiped every trace of Graham clean like he never existed - apart from a single pair of boots forgotten by the back door.

“They belonged to someone I used to know.”

“Someone you cared for?”

“It doesn’t matter,” she shrugs. “He’s gone now.”

“It mattered enough for you to keep a piece of him with you.” He fingers the laces again, focusing on them, not making her meet his eyes again. “I know what it is to lose the people that matter most.”

Emma pulls her hand back, sliding them both behind her under the guise of leaning back on the desk and gives another dismissive shrug even as she can’t make herself look at him. “Yeah, well, when you grow up like I did you learn pretty quickly not to get attached.”

Thankfully, Killian knows how to take a hint, straightening and flashing her an off grin. “If only we all possessed such a skill, Swan.” Then, pushing away from the desk, “I best let the others know what awaits us all tomorrow.”

Emma swallows, this island has already taken so much from her - her son, her name, her memories - almost - her whole belief system… How much more can it really take? She doesn’t ask - not anymore as she slides into Killian’s bed instead of her own, and he doesn’t say anything as he joins her a few minutes later, just pulls her against him, breath warm and comforting against her cheek as they try to shut themselves off from the cries that ring out on the deck above them.

*******

Let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from my tag list!

#captain swan #cs fanfic #cs ff #cs smut #cs au #cs neverland au #ouat season 1 au #cs neverland new year #don't hate me #It'll have a happy ending.... they just have to work for it #you can blame Kay for all the Will content in this one

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sorikkung · 2 years

Text

what goes on in neverland. ⇝ ch. 5: attitude? right back at you!

word count: 9.2k

pairings: transmasc!reader x Everyone, everyone x everyone (its literally too convoluted for me to try type them out here anymore just see the masterlist for full pairings LOL)

genre: e2l, f2l, smut, fluff and lots of assorted shenanigans. hijinks, if you will

au: battle of the bands!au but make it gay and horny

warnings: lots of manhandling, bondage, mild cnc, edging, overstimulation, usage of vibrators, lots of powerplay (brat taming)

a/n: gonna start putting a/ns at the bottom now so the posts don't get too long!

tags: @honeybyunnies @syunderful @absentcaryatid @mingirn (lmk if you want to be added/removed!)

prev | masterlist | next | character checkpoint!

“Oh, there you ar-“

“You.”

The anger slashed all across Chan’s face dims slightly just at seeing Felix again, and it reminds you of the very same face Eric gives him – hell, even Changbin. It’s no wonder he acts like an entitled brat when it comes down to it, if he’s so used to everyone tripping over their feet to fawn all over his pretty face and stupid freckles, but he’s in for an ice-cold awakening to the fact that not everyone will fall for his charms so easily. No, leaving him high and dry isn’t enough – you need to rub salt in the wound and piss on it.

Chan only gets to look at you with a split-second of surprise before you’re grabbing him by the collar of his half-unbuttoned shirt and yanking him away from his argument with Eric, who says something that sounds mildly appalled but you pay it no mind, instead hyperaware of the daggers Felix glares into your skin from the side. He’s clearly waiting for you to try something, and so is Chan, body fully tense and sizing you up, trying to stand taller to give him more of an angle to look down at you from.

Frankly, you did not think this far ahead.

“What, that eager?” he scoffs, and it’s almost shocking how cocky he sounds so naturally, compared to the non-confrontational flounder he had when you first met and the desperate attempts to be at least relatively civil since, but evidently, he has had enough of holding back. The prospect would be a lot more exciting if you had any sort of game plan, or if you were still toying with him like that first night instead of being as genuinely bothered as you are now.

Though as far as a last-minute game plan goes, pissing Felix off and using his best friend to do it is a pretty damn good one. As good as it’s gonna get, anyway.

“Yeah, actually,” you admit, doing your damn best to make it sound less like an admittance and more of a sarcastic taunt as you buy time to think of a clever enough response, backing him up without much resistance to the nearest wall, shoving his back against it. The way he seems to have absolutely no complaint with being manhandled around and pliantly letting you do so, has something inside you burning up at the seams. “About as eager as you were in that chair at the Prism, blushing and hard for me. Tell me, Chris, do you like being watched?”

Testing the waters, you grab his chin and roughly turn it in Felix’s direction, casting a glance over your shoulder to challenge him before turning back to Chan, who still makes no move against you. He doesn’t even lift a hand to push you off or step away. You lean in right next to his ear, his jaw still firmly in your grasp, “Do you like the thought of him watching you? Is that why you’re letting me touch you like this?”

“No, I just think it’s funny,” he snickers, and you pointedly do not like how smug he sounds when he’s supposed to be easy to fluster. His ears still get tinged with red, but he does a spectacular job acting unbothered and its awfully convincing. “That once again, you’re trying to tease me for being eager when you’re the one who invited me to the show, then up on stage, now this… so, who exactly is the eager one, again?”

If it wasn’t so infuriating, maybe the giggles that followed would be arguably cute, but you’re more focused on the fact that your metaphorical hold on him is very rapidly slipping. Musicality may be one thing, but you’ll be damned if his meek ass beats you in sheer dominant sex appeal, too. You know he’s at least somewhat into you, surely, as he admitted he liked what he saw from the start and willingly showed up at the Prism, so it can’t just be that.

Good god, Bang Christopher Chan might have actually just gone and grown a backbone.

“I don’t know, Chris, I sure haven’t had anyone less than eager be so pliant for me like this, so you tell me.”

“Why do you want me to act up so badly, huh?” He deliberately swerves your obvious provocation of his English name to keep digging at you. “Did you enjoy getting smacked up by Changbin that much? It’s like you’re just dying to be put in your place.”

“Oh, you really think you could do that?”

He shrugs, cocking his head to the side.

“I could fuck around and find out.”

There is not a second of hesitation. The conviction in his voice is as clear as it is stupidly, effortlessly hot – he’s clearly ready to put his money where his mouth is, not just that he could but he would.

You should have given yourself more credit. While it initially seemed like Bang Chan was a difficult man to truly get a rise out of – at least, one that he doesn’t hold back for the sake of being polite – you’re simply just too good at it. Either that, or he isn’t as much of a sweetheart as he appears, which, frankly, would only make things far more entertaining. After all, a provocative asshole repeatedly fighting a backless people pleaser is basically just bullying, but a provocative asshole fighting a provocative asshole? Now that’s a brawl. Meaning you could afford to get a whole lot messier, not limited to the physical kind, and that’s something you haven’t had the chance to do justifiably in a damn long time.

How exciting.

“You could. I think the ‘find out’ part will be a lot more fun for me than for you, though. See, why I’m doing this is obvious and simple – I like playing with my food.” You tilt his head this way and that, just to emphasise his place; your plaything. He can’t forget. Not him too. “I’ve always been the type. Getting under your skin, driving you mad, making things hard for you on purpose – in both meanings of the word, that’s my thing – but you? What does letting me have my way with you, gain you, hm?”

He’s surprisingly quick on the uptake, and you’re starting to realise you may have underestimated him and his wit and will to step up to the challenge in terms of your silly little mind games. He doesn’t take the bait and deny that he is in fact, letting you toy with him – you have half the mind to think he enjoys it, being toyed with. It’s always the leader types who crave to submit – but nothing could have prepared you for the gall of his answer.

“To see how bad you want me.”

Felix and Chan have more in common than you initially thought, you notice. Both try so, so hard to avoid conflict, but when you push them far enough, they show a shocking boldness where they don’t pull their punches. Or maybe – and your work might be cut out for you if it is – maybe they are pulling their punches still, and you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg. It’s positively maddening, and you don’t even know if he knows just how much, only that you need to take him down a notch.

Pettily, you surge forward like you’re about to kiss him, but right as your lips are about to meet and you feel him crane forward, you pull back, leaving him uselessly floundering in the air for a split second before opening his eyes in confusion.

“To see how bad I want you, hm? Please, you should see how badly I wanted Felix just before. He sure seems thrilled about it, doesn’t he? What did I just tell you about how I like playing with my food, sweetheart?”

“I do have a pretty sweet heart, don’t I?” he muses, his honey voice even sweeter, “Not you, though. You’re too good at bringing out the worst in people.”

When he takes a glance past you back at Felix, though, and sees Felix’s steely gaze staring right back at him while both of your bandmates bicker endlessly around him, your initial suspicion becomes all the more obvious. That last part sounded far too genuine, far less teasing, and you get the feeling he isn’t entirely or even mostly talking about Felix.

He just can’t keep up the nice guy act around you.

��You want to make freckles jealous. Isn’t that right?” His face falters instantly, something that doesn’t slip past you when holding him so close, tells you all you need to know. Putting the pieces together, it makes even more sense in hindsight – what made the Prism so different to that first bumbling encounter he had with you? Felix. It always comes back down to the golden boy, apparently, because Chan would do anything to seem like he’s got his shit together in front of him, and you think that sneaking off with him earlier made Chan more jealous than he’d want to acknowledge. “You’re letting me because he’s watching, and you’re still watching him to see if he gets just as jealous as you do whenever me or Eric pull him away from you, right?”

“God, do you ever shut the fuck u–“

You first feel his hand grab the back of your neck, and then it’s his supple lips crashing into yours, capturing them, taking your breath away. You meet his fervour with just as much in turn, grabbing a fistful of his hair that’s almost crusty with hair spray to style it out of his face, yanking it in a way that’s just too hard to be more pleasurable than painful. It’s all just teeth and tongue and him growling just loud enough for you to hear as he pulls you strongly against him.

The kiss tastes like victory and being right.

Truthfully, you did not think he had it in him to go for it in such a public area like this, but maybe you really do bring out the worst in him. Would he regret this after? How amusingly humiliating it would be for him if he did, though if he didn’t, things would sure get a lot more interesting. You make sure to do what you do best and put on a show, hooking your leg around him and pushing up his poor excuse for a shirt to touch and grab and dig your nails into any flesh that was offered to you, hoping Felix was still watching and soaking in every single detail.

In the end, you aren’t much better than Chan for wanting to make Felix jealous, as you are doing almost the exact same thing, albeit for different reasons. For you, it’s about winning. You want to gloat, add insult to the injury, and make him so hard in the process he’s left taking out his frustration on his own fist. If he comes crawling back, sure you’ll take him, but you definitely will not be gentle about it.

For Chan, he was just a poor fool in love with his best friend, and is probably hoping he’ll want a turn after getting a taste from a distance. Hoping that he’ll realise what he’s missing right before his eyes, and decide he wants it for himself, and Chan will willingly give it to him – he’s probably a boring missionary with the lights off kinda guy and thinks it’s romantic, or something. Were you not with two hands in his hair trying to stick your tongue down his throat, you would’ve chuckled at the thought.

“Are you serious right now?”

While you did expect an interruption, you expected it more from one of them than your own drummer, visibly seething. You break the lip-lock to glare at him back in sheer confusion, but Chan doesn’t stop, glaring at Eric as well while his mouth moves down to your neck. The situation is all too familiar, and you wonder how much detail Felix shared about your last encounter with the others.

“Why wouldn’t I be, Eric? I’m not touching your ex, so what’s the problem?”

“You were just a hot minute ago,” Eric counters, though it’s not like you tried to hide it anyway. You shrug, tugging on Chan’s hair again as he cautiously slows down to encourage him to keep going despite the interference.

“And? If you wanted me to follow the bro code, maybe you shouldn’t’ve suggested we tag team him at the Prism.”

Your bandmate rolls his eyes so hard he probably got a glimpse of his brain. “It’s not about being my ex, they just insulted our band and everything we stand for! Are you seriously going to just stand there and take that cause they’re hot?!”

“Take that? Oh, I’m not the one taking anything, just ask freckles over there,” you snicker, nodding toward him. “This boytoy is about to fuck around and find out.”

The band’s opinions might as well be the only opinions that matter to you at this point, but in this moment you find yourself easily discarding them. Yes, you originally started antagonizing them for Eric’s sake – and it still is a large part that, but especially after the stunt at the Prism, he has no right to tell you who you can or can’t fuck as your friend. Evidently now your competitors have gone from competitors and a bitter ex to straight up enemies in his eyes, and perhaps at least with Felix, yours as well – but there’s no arrangement saying enemies are off-limits, either. In fact, you recall your band agreeing that no one cares who else you sleep with, so long as none of you catch and spread anything.

“Maybe you can fuck around and find out yourself,” Chan pitches in boldly, surprising both of you. He looks forward at Eric through his eyebrows as he hovers over your shoulder still, but you can’t help get the feeling that he is hiding behind you like a shield.

Eric’s eyes nearly pop out of his damn head. He has never liked Chan, not since he dated Felix and certainly not now. He was always very clingy with Felix, which isn’t really a problem on its own, but even you could tell from the way he looks at him that Eric was not exaggerating when he said he was whipped. You recall him ranting about a time where Chan had called Felix his soulmate, which activated just about every possessive bone in Eric’s body, and you couldn’t exactly blame him.

To hear Chan come on to Eric for a change threw you both for a loop.

“Is that an invitation?”

“You wanna get the freckles treatment that bad, huh?” you poke, lightly smacking Chan’s thigh, “Fine by me. I wonder how long you’ll last.”

“No, I’m not doing this,” Eric mutters bitterly, turning around and heading off with a childish wave. He must be thoroughly pissed off to not take him up on the chance to – whatever it is you call what you two did to Felix that made him feel in control again. To prove himself, you suppose. Or even just to tease Chan until he breaks. “Have fun sucking off our nemesis, just don’t expect to come home and have me finish you off when he can’t please you!”

Cheap and immature – but Chan tightens his grip on you at that, bringing his lips next to your ear, asking slowly, cautiously, even – but undoubtedly brimming with anticipation.

“Is that... a challenge?”

“It sure is, hotshot, and you better not disappoint.”

Despite how well Chan has been keeping his cool so far, he lets it slip on the drive home that he was his roommates’ ride back home, yet here he is, driving home without them. He insists they’ll be fine, public transport running all night with a stop right by their house.

Not apartment. House.

It’s a nice house too, and you would’ve thought it belonged to a young family of five at first glance if he hadn’t already revealed he lives there with only ‘the rachas’, who you have deduced from your stalking– or, research, are the two other band members who produce most of their music. You nearly trip over a dozen pairs of shoes in the doorway, the casual reminder that ah, yes, these are very much still men, but cliché as it is, Chan catches and steadies you.

“Whoops. Sorry ‘bout the mess, wasn’t expecting guests- uh, you can take your shoes off if you want.”

Ever the gentleman, you suppose.

“Wow. Smooth,” you deadpan, blinking at him in awe before awkwardly removing your boots and stepping out just that much shorter without them, which Chan definitely notices, so you don’t give him time for a response. “You this charming to all of your hook-ups?”

“Oh shut up,” he grumbles, chucking his shoes off and ushering you towards what’s presumably his bedroom, complete with coloured wall lights setting the room in a homey purple glow, and nerdy anime figurines on his shelves. Cute. “I was giving you a chance to back out in case you were getting second thoughts.”

“Sure you were,” you drawl, unconvinced. Oldest trick in the book, and hardly impressive at that. “Now, are you really going to fuck around and find out, or admit you were all talk and get your ass out for me?”

Now that makes him blush and grin at the same time, finally sauntering over to you and unbuckling his belt. “I don’t get my ass out for just anyone, tough guy, I’m typically more of a top, so I do hope you were ready to find out when you let me fuck around.”

Now that’s a challenge if you ever heard one, and all of a sudden you aren’t sure who exactly is fucking around and finding out anymore. The thrill is exhilarating – little does he know or possibly realise, is that either way, you win. Because he can try put you in your place all he wants; even if he fucks the attitude out of you for a night, you’ll bite back harder as soon as you bounce back, and he can try again, but it’s not really punishment if you enjoy it so much.

He was doomed to fail the moment he brought you home with him.

“You think I need to top you to make you beg, pretty boy? Pff. You know what, I’ll even play nice. I won’t even try to take control for the first... five or so minutes. But I won’t give it to you either, so you’re going to have to take it yourself... or try.”

“You and your games,” he hums, straightening his belt in his hands and turning it over almost in contemplation. You don’t think he’ll actually use it, but you entertain the thought. “You gonna put a timer on me too?”

“Do you want me to? Cause it seems to me like you’re stalling again. Come on, big boy, give it your worst. I imagine you have a lot of anger to take out on me, no?”

Your confident smile stays on your face when he lazily shoves you towards the bed, the back of your legs bumping the mattress, but you don’t even so much as sit on it, giving him a taunting look. Does he really think you are that easy? Does he really think you actually have any plans to cave for him?

“Wow, that was pretty weak.”

“If you want me to be rough with you, tough guy, we’re gonna need a safe word.”

Ooh. Now you like the sound of that.

“Red. Red light, if you prefer something more specific. I’ll say yellow if I’m reaching my limit. Likewise you can say the same, and I sure hope you do – because once I get started, I’m not stopping until you do.”

He bites his lip at the warning; you can just feel the excitement emanating from him in waves. It’s almost more cute than it is threatening, and you already know you’re going to have fun with him.

Ahh, nothing quite like the thrill of a charged rivalry.

“Red light to stop, got it,” he confirms, nodding. “And... nothing else?”

“Nothing else?”

“Like...” he looks down at his belt again, running his hands across it, “just to be totally clear. When you say you’re not stopping until I do say it, does that mean we don’t stop if we say ‘stop,’ only when we say red light?”

You’re sure your face must have just lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree, but you cannot help it. “CNC, huh? Didn’t think you had it in you, but yes, only red light. Though if you think I’m going to whine and plead for you to stop to get your dick hard, you’re going to be quite very disappointed.”

“You really need to learn to shut the fuck up for once.”

Music to your ears, as far as you are concerned. Not just is it a tantalizing promise, but it’s oddly satisfying to hear him say something so directly hostile – you have certainly succeeded in your mission to push his buttons, and now you’re just looking for even more to press.

He pushes you back with more force this time, and when you hold firm, he simply picks you up like you don’t weigh anything and tosses you onto the bed like a ragdoll, climbing over you and pinning you there. You try to grab him to flip the two of you over, but he’s much stronger than Felix was – you can feel it in his grip, his weight, and how easily he manhandles your wrists to either side of your head and keeps them there despite your struggle, and boy, do you struggle.

“Great job shutting me up,” you spit sarcastically, but he just keeps grinning down at you like he’s so thoroughly endeared by whatever he’s seeing. Not angry. Endeared.

Something about that feels so much worse.

“You’re trying so hard right now,” he giggles, fucking giggles at you, “but you can’t overpower me, can’t you?”

That motherfucker is getting off to this.

You relax your muscles then try to surge up with all your strength at once, just like how you overpowered Felix in a similar position, but unlike him, Chan doesn’t budge, arms flexing as they keep you firmly held down. Completely physically at his mercy.

You seriously need to hit the gym.

God, he likes it way too much, you can see the power trip written all over his face, and you can’t let him have it that easy. The show of strength is attractive, sure, but he’ll have to try harder than that to get anything else out of you, and he’s far too pacifistic to really tame you.

“Maybe not physically,” you huff through gritted teeth and a half-smirk, “but that doesn’t mean you’ve won.”

“That’s right, you want me to fuck the attitude out of you too, don’t you?”

If you had been drinking something, you would’ve spat it out all over his face at that – it’s so damn jarring to hear something so crude coming out of his mouth, so confidently, even after all the tension tonight. He’s always stepped up to your challenge, but even when he shed his shyness, there was still a level of politeness to him – or was that restraint?

“I want you to try, hotshot.”

“I’ll give it my best shot, then.”

He finally lets you push him off you, but when you’re both upright in a sitting position, he moves with startling quickness, grabbing both your arms again and pulling them behind your back and twisting you around to face away from him. You thrash about, but he simply shoves your face down into the mattress, grabs his belt again and loops it around one wrist to pull it to the other. You don’t make it easy for him, but eventually he manages to get both wrists tied in his belt, and when you try to slip free, you realise these are no improvised cuffs – he's definitely used his belt like this before.

“You’re a real freak on the inside, aren’t you?” you chuckle, testing the belt cuffs again. They hold steady, chafing against your skin. “It’s always the sweet ones, isn’t it?”

He scoffs, but he hardly seems offended. “That’d imply you’re anything of the sort. You may be a freak but you’re hardly sweet.”

“Oh, but I can be. You simply haven’t earned the privilege, sweetheart.”

And you really can be, the band would attest to that; your mean streak is coupled with the inclination to reward good behaviour when suitable, and you’re sure if you just dangle it in front of him like a carrot on a stick, he’ll walk on hot coals to earn his validation. The ones who pine so hopelessly are always the same like that.

“I don’t think I need it.”

He holds the cuffs in one hand so you can’t escape while the other starts divesting you of your pants, and you’re effectively lost for words. Just how long does he think he can keep this act up? He could barely contain himself back at the venue, all over you as soon as you started provoking him, letting you shove him around like a pathetic little thing.

His grin doesn’t seem so polite anymore.

“I usually feel a little bad when people want me to be rough with them. I don’t want to hurt anyone unless they're really into that, that’s not really how I get my kicks. I’m more of a giver. But you? You make it so easy to just take.”

He doesn’t even fully pull your pants and underwear off, shoving them down only to your knees, then shoves two long fingers inside you, earning him a hiss. Chills go down your spine; he’s serious. You thought he would be too soft for you, but with him manhandling you now, the sinking feeling creeps up on you that your initial judgements of him may in fact be wrong.

“Cause you just love it, don’t you? This is exactly what you wanted from me.” You do. It’s exactly what you wanted but the last thing you expected, and it has you positively reeling. “You’re so fucking wet... I knew you wanted to be put in your place.”

You cast him a glance over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow at him and giving him the most neutral expression you can muster. “You think this is all you? You have no idea what I got up to with your precious little freckled boytoy in the back corridor, do you?”

That hardens his features, pumping his fingers into you with more vigour, but with the angle, the method, and your sheer determination to not give him the satisfaction, it doesn’t do a whole lot. “Go on then, fuck the attitude out of me, if you think you can really do that.”

Something seems to click. He pauses.

“Hm... I don’t think I will.”

You’re washed over with a wave of déjà vu to not that much earlier that night with Felix in that corridor. There’s no way he knew exactly what happened – you may have hinted at it, but there’s no way he knows specifically. There’s no way he’s about to do the exact same thing to you. There’s just no way.

He pulls back, taking his hands off you completely and sitting back on his knees. Observing you. Amused. Endeared.

Fuck.

“You want it so badly. Why should I give it to you? You don’t deserve it.”

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Backed into a corner, you’re left with two options – give him what he wants, or edge yourself a second time in one night just to keep your pride, which, doesn’t really feel like is still intact when he’s not just using your own trick against you, but also, he just seems far too smug. If you say no now and walk out just like you did with his bandmate, after going with him all the way home and into his bed, you know it’ll reflect more on you than on him, and he knows that.

"You wouldn’t have brought me back here if you didn’t want it badly enough too, smartass, so try again.” It’s a last-ditch attempt at saving face, but it has truth to it – not that you think he will cave in so easily.

As it turns out, you are right.

“You’re a brat,” he deadpans, crossing his arms and giving you a smirk that only tells you that he thinks he’s won. The odds of him thinking correctly are not exactly skewed in your favour. “You want to be put in your place more than I want to do it for you.”

“You know what? Your five minutes are over.”

It’s the only trump card you have, so you turn around and kick your bottoms off completely, climbing into his lap and grinding down on him, feeling just how hard he’s gotten from all the night’s teasing. It’s harder to get the upper hand on him when your hands are tied behind your back, but while you try to slip free of them, he simply laughs at you, grabs your wrist and pulls you off him with such ease it’s humiliating.

“You’re so cute.”

Cute? You’ve never been more enraged at praise before, feeling a red hot rush of anger and god knows what else all at once. Any other day and you’d be teasing him right back, but anything you could possibly say back to that dies on your tongue. The dawning fear that you may have finally bitten off more than you can chew sinks in like a pit in your stomach, directly betrayed by the heat it sends down south at the thought of sweet, pathetic Chan, having his way with you. At the thought of what he’d do to you if you finally caved.

But you don’t need to. You have six other bandmates at home who know your body inside and out, who can probably please you far better than him – if you wanted someone to overpower you and break you, you could always go to Mingi. If you wanted a power struggle and a brat to tame, you could go to Wooyoung. If you wanted a power struggle to lose, you could always go to San or Sunwoo. If you wanted someone who could match your every move and go all night, you could go to Er–

Or... maybe not. Not tonight.

“I’m not cute,” is all you manage to say back, albeit rather weakly, and Chan just coos and ruffles your hair. Perhaps messing with the nice ones wasn’t your smartest move, as each act of affection he shows you seems even more potently menacing and deliberate than the last.

“Cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You were so fucking wrong about him.

“Fuck you.”

“Say please?”

You want to kick and scream. He’s positively fucking infuriating, and you want – no, you need him to shut up and get you off before you spontaneously catch fire, but that’s exactly where he wants you and you hate it. But the thought of release, here and now without waiting to get home and deal with Eric’s pissy mood or having to handle it with only the help of your trusty vibrator, is looking more and more appealing with each passing second you spend glaring at his sickeningly pointed smirk.

“I’m going to kill you for this.”

With only the cruellest of gentleness, he brushes stray strands of hair out of your face, gracing you with only that touch and nothing else, his smirk growing into a wide, saccharine smile.

“You can try.”

Your own words, effectively chewed up and spat right back in your face. Fuck.

Humiliating is the only way you can describe it, deeply and thoroughly humiliating, searing at your skin and all your senses, and yet, you still want him. Wooyoung’s humiliation kink suddenly seems to click in that moment, the way that white-hot shame is only making you even more flustered and worked up, but it’s more how frustratingly in-control Chan looks, kneeling in front of you and observing you like this. It’s a good look on him – too good of a look, you think, wanting to wipe it right off his face, but you don’t know how, so you do the only thing you have left.

“...please.”

“What was that?” He leans in closer, smug as can be, cupping a hand around his ear as if he really couldn’t hear you in the complete silence of his room. Bastard.

“I’m not saying it again,” you spit in one last act of defiance, legs wobbling like jelly with the sheer embarrassment of it all. You’ve been provoking him this whole time, and now he gets to tease you? You’re taking this shame with you to the goddamn grave. “Either fuck me like you’ve been wanting to do this whole time, or don’t. I don’t care.”

It’s a lie and you both know it, because if he doesn’t you know you’ll be so pent up that not even your vibrator could save you, but it’s easier to say that than to let him get any smugger than he already is. If your big mouth just sealed your fate, so be it, because there is no going back now.

“I think we both know,” he begins slowly, “that you do care. But it’s okay, I’m not as blatantly mean as you are.”

Mercy? Is he really showing you an act of mercy after so determinedly trying to make you crack? It doesn’t make sense – well, not until you consider that he has been edging himself just as long as he’s been edging you, so you suppose he’s taking the most subtle way he can of caving in. That’s enough for you, you think. You’ll take it.

He pushes you back onto your back, arms somewhat uncomfortably stuck beneath you, but you hardly have it in you to care when he finally touches you, running his hands along your thighs and spreading them open with the firm instruction for you to keep them there. For once, you don’t actually feel like disobeying.

He gets up, taking his time to walk around to his bedside table, and rummage through the drawers. After his expertise in repurposing his belt, you don’t know what to expect him to pull out from there, and based on the way he strokes his chin and stares periodically as he shuffles around, you get the idea he’s not sure yet either. That, or he’s deliberately making you wait, which is probably just as likely.

“Are you more of an external or internal stimulation kinda guy?” he asks thoughtfully, tilting his head at his drawer, and your eyes widen at the question.

“Now why should I tell you that?”

“Uh, to come,” he scoffs back bluntly, “But that’s fine if you want to be stubborn still. Can’t go wrong with both.”

He pulls out a blue rabbit vibrator and some lube, which you’re not sure why he bothers with when you’re already soaking a wet spot onto his sheets, but when he pops the cap open and your nostrils are hit with the scent of vanilla, you have a decent guess.

“You don’t want to fuck me yourself?” You aren’t trying to taunt him this time, genuinely just surprised he’s doing all this without touching himself even once this whole time or even so much as taking off his clothes – you're starting to really believe him when he said he was a giver earlier.

He simply smiles at you, pushing the lubed-up dildo to your hole gently. “What did I say about you not deserving it?”

You shrug the best you can with your bound arms trapped between you and the mattress, at last relaxing to just enjoy the ride. If he wants to deny himself further, you’re not going to work yourself up into a fit over it – at this point, you just want to get off, so as far as you’re concerned, it’s his loss.

“Fine by me. Toys usually feel far better than anything your dick could do, anyway.”

He doesn’t seem to take the bait this time either, and truthfully, you don’t mind – not when it wasn’t even a lie, not really. When he switches it on, immediately turning it up three settings, your body jolts at the vibrations on your clit and inside you, mouth falling open in a silent cry.

“That’s better. Feel good?”

You nod wordlessly as he pushes it in and out of you, the combined sensations rendering you breathless for a long moment while you get used to the onslaught of pleasure enough to form words again. You’d be more embarrassed if you were not so wound up already, but it also helps that it’s just a toy rather than anything he could really brag about. You could probably use that against him later. At least, you hope so.

“Use your words when I talk to you, baby.”

He sounds like a siren, the way he makes that sound like the most beautiful thing you’ve ever heard, body shuddering and eyes rolling back as he turns the toy up one notch more.

“F-Fuck- it feels good! So good,” you gasp, trying to catch your breath while it seems like it’s trying to sprint away from you. It’s so much all at once, and with all the teasing you already endured, you don’t think you will last very long.

He leans over you, swiftly but not hastily kissing down your neck, unbuttoning your shirt to continue kissing down your chest, stopping at the gnarly scar across the underside of your pectorals. You brace yourself for one of the many comments you’ve heard, grabbing your wits about you and sharpening your tongue in preparation, then he breaths out–

“Pretty.”

Pretty? Your words get caught in your throat, his lips coming down to leave feather-light kisses on the scar from one end to the other, and each tiny point of contact feels like electricity crackling through you. Pretty. He just saw the dark, wide scar that speaks loudly of the battles you’ve won, your pride and your pain and your story all in one, and he kisses it and calls it pretty. Like it isn’t horrifying, or grizzly, or even badass or cool, but pretty, as if it’s something delicate, something to be revered.

When he’s supposed to be mad at you.

Each drive of the toy into you accompanied with the gentle worship of his lips has your back arching off the bed, tears springing to the corners of your eyes as he picks up the pace and the high you’ve been craving all night crawls up on you with overwhelming quickness, so close you can taste it on your tongue.

“Oh fuck, I-I’m close–”

Then he stops.

Any cry of protest you were going to make dies on your lips, and instead, the tears of overwhelm that built up in your eyes finally spill over and down your cheeks, your hips instinctively twitching to try and get any sort of feeling once he pulls the toy away from you completely, still buzzing.

“You- You said-”

“I said I’m not as blatantly mean as you are,” he coos, stroking your hair again, his smile down at you with nothing but trouble written all over it. You swallow thickly. “I can be subtler about it, and much, much meaner.”

“You haven’t even seen how mean I can get yet, hotshot,” you jeer, but you’re sure it doesn’t hold much weight with tears on your face and the edge of whininess to your voice.

He doesn’t seem very intimidated, nor does he even grace that with a response, simply pressing the tip of the toy directly at your sensitive clit, but only for a moment before pulling back again, giggling cutely at how your hips keen up for more.

“Fuck you!”

He repeats the teasing motion again, his harmonic giggles filling your ears, and you don’t remember the last time you’ve been this riled up before, that with each touch of the buzzing toy you almost, almost tip over the edge, but you know you don’t want to. You know that if you do, it’ll stop, and you’ll be riding out your orgasm on nothing but air.

Please. You know that’s what he wants to hear. You know that’s all you need to say. And yet, there’s a part of you that still doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction, even though you’re sure he’s already had plenty just stringing you along this far and getting you to say it once, but your pride is too stubborn to say it like you mean it.

“Maybe Eric was right, I might need to get him to make me come after all since you can’t seem to- ah!”

He takes your bait this time, but not in the way you wanted to, pressing the toy hard against your over-sensitive nerve endings, just long enough to watch your body writhe and squirm and try to choke back a cry before he pulls back, but it’s too late. He brought you over the edge and let you fall, whining and shoving your hips up into nothing as your ruined orgasm pulses through you.

“Can’t make you come, huh?”

You haven’t caved in yet. Not fully. You don’t have to, you think, you can endure it and get him to go again and if you concentrate really hard, you can come without him realising, surely–

“What’s your colour?”

You blink quickly, still reeling, then process his question. You didn’t go this far just to call it quits now, not when you haven’t even touched him yet, not when you haven’t even got the chance to see his resolve crumble. You need it, you need to break him, whatever it takes.

“Green.”

“Good boy,” he chuckles darkly, petting your hair again, and now you register it as what it is – a warning. “Because I’m not done with you yet.”

How many times has it been?

You can’t count. You’re not sure if you can even tell up from down. The world is spinning, you’re just caught in its orbit, and just as you try to tense your body to not shake when your high creeps up on you again, it shakes anyway, and Chan pulls back once more.

“You’re so fucking mean!” you scream, thrashing your legs about, but like every other time so far, he just laughs at you, then licks along the shaft of the toy, tasting your essence for himself.

“I can do this all night, you know. The rachas might be back soon, though, and this rabbit only has so much charge, sooo... well, I can’t force you to do anything, no?”

But he can, and you’re both aware of it, that’s precisely what you wanted to see him do, precisely the reason why you clarified the extents of your safe word system, but he’s doing it on purpose. He doesn’t want to take what he wants from you, because that’s exactly what you want him to do. He, just like Felix did, wants to see you beg, and unlike the former, he might just get it.

Please.

You’re at your wits end. More tears trail down your cheeks, to which he softly brushes off with the pad of his thumb, then sucks clean. He’s sick, licking your tears, but he looks fucking godly, the kind of powerful that mortals will clamber over each other tooth and nail just to feel for a day. It defies every preconceived notion you had of the man, but damn if you haven’t always had a thing for a defiant streak and his is giving you a taste of what madness truly feels like.

Please.

“So, what’s it gonna be, tough guy?”

The condescending nickname only makes you want to act out even more, but you’re almost spent and he hasn’t even taken his pants off yet, and you cannot leave his bed without having made a dent in him whatsoever. You refuse.

And so, you beg.

“Please.”

“I can’t hear you–”

“Please!” You cry out, voice ragged from all the strain, “Please, Chan, just let me come already for fuck’s sake you’re such an asshole, just let me cum or I swear I’ll-”

“Um? You were off to a good start baby, but that doesn’t sound like using your manners anymore...”

That cruel, cruel, smile, will follow you into both your wet dreams and your nightmares. You’ve seen what lies behind that polite demeanour now, and were you any less headstrong, you’d decide not to test him again – but you can’t have suffered this for nothing. You can count your losses now, and come at him more prepared next time, because right now, you would do whatever he asks so long as he just. Lets. You. Come.

“Please! Please, please, please let me come! I’m already begging I don’t know what else you want from me, please, Chan!”

He sets the toy aside and you’re almost about to start whining and pleading again or even call yellow when he leans over to his bedside drawer again and this time, grabs a magic wand. Your eyes widen when he plugs it into the wall, realising that if this wand needs a three-prong outlet to power it, you might not feel your legs by the end of this.

“Good boys get rewarded,” he reminds you, undoing his fly and shoving his briefs down just far enough to get it out of the way, finally revealing himself to you in all his glory, hard and leaking for you no doubt from how long he’s been holding himself off for this. He still takes his time fishing a condom out of his pocket, and you just wish he’d hurry up.

“Forget that,” you huff, trying to nudge it away with your knee, “I get tested frequently and got the scoop already, just let me feel you, please.”

“How do you know I don’t have anything?” he teases, stilling his movements, and you groan at how your attempt to hurry him along just dragged it out even longer. “I mean, I don’t, but that’s not really the safest of habits–”

Were you not bound and begging him to fuck you, you’d have socked him in the face already. “Are you going to keep lecturing me or are you going to fuck me already?”

He laughs, tossing the condom aside and moving closer between your legs, collecting your wetness on his tip and hissing at the feeling – you have no doubt he’s beyond sensitive with how worked up he must be, depriving himself all night, and you just cannot wait to see him break loose.

“You’re cute when you’re desperate.”

He sheathes himself fully inside you all at once, filling you up just that much more than the toy did, and the groan that he lets out at you clenching around him is the most euphoric thing you’ve heard all night, even more so than the screams of the crowd at the contest. Loud was not the first word that came to mind when you imagined what Chan would be like as a dominant in bed – not that you’d imagined it prior, or, at least, not for too long, anyway – but it turns out he is full of surprises. He doesn’t hold back the breathy grunts that spill from his lips as he starts to move, and neither do you.

Your arms ache, wrists moist with the sweat trapped between the belt and your skin, but you don’t have it in you to speak up about it, as if he stops or slows down now you think you just might kill him for real. Just as you try to wriggle and slip your hands free to touch yourself, you are forcefully reminded of the toy he grabbed earlier – almost more fitting to call it a tool with the strength of the vibrations suddenly pulsing against you, so intensely it pulls out a moan so loud it borders on a scream.

“Fuck– Chan– too much–!” you gasp, tears welling up in your eyes, but when you blink them away and see Chan just give you a questioning tilt of his head, you know what you have to say to make him slow down.

The word never leaves your lips.

“Too much, huh?” he taunts, snapping his hips even faster and making your toes curl. There’s a gravelly tone to his voice now, no doubt him finally losing his composure now that he is finally having you himself. “Weren’t you begging for this just a moment ago? Don’t you– hah– Don’t you want to come? Fuck, you’re clenching around me so tight like this, baby...”

He’s gone already, you realise, though not like you’re one to talk – you wonder if this is part of why he waited so damn long, but by now you’re not that far behind him, barely hanging on. It’s only when you realise that you are still trying to hold on when he’s already given you permission to come do you finally let go, calling out his name as possibly the most intense orgasm you have ever experienced wracks your body in waves.

“That’s it baby, just like that, fuck, come for me, come.”

You don’t remember the last time you cried this much in bed, but it’s so overwhelming that the tears just keep on falling and your body keeps on writhing, almost trying to pull away, but your wrists are still tightly bound, and Chan does not let up, even for a moment. His groans grow louder, his face beautifully scrunched up in ecstasy, and his grip on your hip tightens with each thrust.

The vibrations on your clit don’t let up either, Chan still holding the wand firmly in place, but you can’t string together a sentence to stop him. You don’t know if you want him to, all you know is that it hurts, but it’s hard to tell where pain ends and pleasure begins, just stars spinning behind your eyelids.

“Ch-Chan,” you whine, physically reeling, “T-Too much...!”

Yellow. It sits on your tongue, simmering, the same way you can almost feel heatwaves emanating from both you and Chan’s bodies, trembling like a leaf, but it doesn’t reach a boiling point, just an inch too shy. You can take it. You can take more. You want it. You need it.

“If it were anyone else,” Chan rasps, leaning down and propping up his free arm next to your head so his face hovers closely over yours, “Anyone else and I’d feel really bad about this.”

Chan proves to be one of the most confusing men you have ever met, because him saying that fills you with equal parts dread, excitement, and the most twisted sense of pride at being the only one to be able to draw out this side of him. To have that much of an effect over him. Either you tell yourself that to cope, or maybe you didn’t completely lose this test of will after all.

All the sweat manages to be enough for you to finally slip your hands free from belt one at a time, grabbing at his broad shoulders to brace yourself–

And then he sets the wand to max.

Your nails meet toned muscle as you dig into his back hard enough to feel the skin breaking, clawing all the way down his back for dear life. Part of you is glad the tool itself is so blaringly loud, because while it doesn’t actually drown you out at all, it at least gives you something else to hear other than your own voice when you make a sound almost foreign to your own ears. You can barely focus on how enticing Chan sounds now, gasping and groaning and hissing at how you feel and releasing inside you, trying to concentrate on the image of him the closest you’ve seen to ruined through the tears that keep welling up in your eyes.

When it finally stops, you feel like you’re falling back down through the atmosphere, picking up speed as you plummet back down to earth, but your landing is cushioned by Chan’s gentle hands and gentle voice, cooing at you softly and scooping you into his arms. He strokes your hair rhythmically, and this time, it’s not a warning – you haven’t processed a single word he has said to you, but you can feel it enough that it’s not a warning.

You feel like you might just break.

“Yellow,” you mumble out loud, at least, but Chan just tuts and cups your face.

“It’s done now, you’re done, it’s okay,” he whispers, kissing your nose, then your forehead, then tucking your head under his chin and just holding you there. Why? “You don’t have to take anymore, okay? You did good, baby. You did good.”

You did good.

You don’t know why hearing that from him makes you dizzy, but you cling to him right back, trying to get a grip on your breathing by syncing it up with the soothing strokes of his palm down your back. It’s such a stark contrast to the man who was just admitting to not feeling bad about pushing you so close to your limit, so different to the Chan who told you that he doesn’t feel like he has to be a giver with you. The Chan that holds you takes nothing and doesn’t let go until you loosen your grip on him first, from damn near falling asleep.

How long you spent there just stuck to him like glue is beyond you, but it feels like hours. He asks before pulling away, if you’re okay, then tells you he’s going to clean you up and returns with wet wipes and a towel to wipe you off. You drowsily let him wipe you down until you hear the front door opening in the distance and flinch, but Chan just hushes you and smooths his hands over your sides until you calm down.

“Don’t worry about them,” he reassures you, “they’ll be going straight to bed, and they sleep like the dead. You’re fine with me.”

You’re not present enough to process how that makes you feel, or to say anything back. Sleep calls, louder this time, and you answer in kind.

a/n: annnd thats a wrap for this eventful night! if you all are enjoying, it'd mean the world to me if you let me know by answering some questions on this (completely anonymous!) google form so i can work on making the series more enjoyable :) but also feel free to go crazy in the tags/reblogs/comments or even hit up my ask box, i'd love to hear any reactions or opinions or even questions you might have about the series. i appreciate u all endlessly regardless 💘 thank u for reading my pride n joy~

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