#new jeans pham hanni fanfic

[rd0265667]

Hanni x Reader: Where the River takes you

Permanent Taglist: @cwpiqwon@justme-idle

"Deep breaths babe." Hanni whispered, her hand over yours, pressing your hand down slightly in an attempt to center you.

"What if I messed this one up too Han, like the first one?" You whispered, head laying on Hanni's shoulder. "You're going to be just fine babe, don't worry." Hanni's voice was just like her namesake, smooth and soothing, and it held you down amidst your worries and fears. Your attention was then drawn by your principal, standing atop the school stage as he began to address the student body. "Good Afternoon Students, it's been awhile since I last spoke to you all." The principal began a speech, droning on as you began to ignore his speech, head down as you tried to calm down. Seeing you tense in your seat, Hanni squeezed your hand, a concerned look on her face. "And now, the fruits of your labours. Please turn to your civics tutors, who will be handing you your result slips." Finally, the principal's speech had ended, and now, time to face the music, as it were. Hanni nudged you, pulling you back to the present. Cupping your face in her hand, she gave you a reassuring smile, leaning in to give you a light kiss on the forehead, prompting you to return a light smile, before getting up from your seat. This was it. You walked to your civics tutor, someone you considered a good friend, Mr William, a big smile you had grown accustomed to adorned his face. Noticing your shaking hands, he put his hand on your shoulder, a smile as he reassured you. "You did great kid. I'm proud of you." He said, handing you your result slip. Returning the smile, you took the folder with the result slip, walking to join Hanni at a rather unpopulated corner of the auditorium Opening the folder, you glanced at your results, face unmoving. Opposite to you, Hanni tried to analyse your facial expressions, but to no avail. You dug into your bag, digging around frantically, before finally fishing your phone out. After a few swipes, your shoulder drooped, head looking to the ceiling in an expression that Hanni could only categorise as despair. "I'm going to need a minute alone." You whispered, putting the folder in Hanni's hands before rushing off. Curious, Hanni peeled the folder back, glancing at the results, causing her confusion to compound twofold. Slotting the folder into her bag, she ran out of the auditorium, going to the spot she knew you to be. However, she had to stop somewhere first.

Knocking the door to your old classroom, Hanni peeked in, seeing you with your head buried in your hands, shoulders heaving up and down. Hanni stood there in shock, the two of you had been dating for a few years, but Hanni had never seen you like this before. Whenever Hanni was overwhelmed from exams, or exhausted after hours and hours of dance training, when she was on the verge of breaking down, you were always there, like a rock grounded amidst the raging current of life. Now the roles were reversed, for the first time, you were the one crying, not Hanni. So, it was Hanni's turn to be the rock, the same way you were hers. Approaching you from the back, Mr William's words rang in her head once again, and Hanni knew he was right. You had to be in the top 10 percentile of the school. What was wrong? But to her, none of that mattered. Your grades didn't matter to her, how you did didn't matter to her. As silent as she could, Hanni got to your side, setting down a cup of hot chocolate, marshmallows bobbing up and down once the cup clicked onto the ground. Now aware of Hanni's presence, you quickly moved your hand to wipe your blood shot eyes. Hanni's hand caught your wrist, concern evident. She lightly shifted the cup a little closer to you, before she reached her hand across your face, a gentle smile on her face, lightly cupping your face then running her hair through your hair. "It's okay my love. I'm here for you. Just, break, alright? It's okay to break, I'll be here." As if waiting for permission, once you heard those words, you buried your face into her shoulder, Hanni initially taken aback, but quickly wrapping her hands around you, a gentle but firm hold to calm you, lightly patting you on the back as she whispered sweet nothings, reassuring you that she was there, and that it was going to be okay. When you retreated from the secure comfort that was Hanni, she smiled, picking up the cup and handing it to you. You gingerly took the cup, trying to supress a hiccup, then sipping the hot beverage, slowing your breath to a steady pace.

"Can you tell me what's wrong babe?" Hanni asked, hazel brown eyes peering into yours. You unlocked your phone, then sliding it to Hanni. In a glance, Hanni realised what happened. "I wasn't good enough. I just can't believe I let it happen again." You whispered, the tone of self loathing and despair breaking Hanni's heart. Your grades were good, great even, but they fell short. As if a curse that had befallen you, you always had a habit of underperforming during national exams. Your preliminary grades were always good enough to go to the best schools, your target school, but when it came to national exams, well, that was another story. "Babe, remember what you told me when we first met?" Hanni asked, pulling you in. "How I wasn't supposed to meet you, but I was happy that I did?" You chuckled, remembering how awkward you were with her. "Yeh. You didn't do the greatest for the first national exams, and did the world end? No. But what happens?" Hanni playfully shook you "I met you." You whispered with a small smile. "That's right. You told me that you didn't regret any of it, and you shouldn't! I know you tried your best, because after you tucked me into bed at night, you'd stayed up studying, and you'd put in your all for every single exam that you did." Hanni ran her fingers through your hair once again, before she lowered her hand to your chin, raising your head up as she looked lovingly into your eyes. "Sure, sometimes things don't go the way we want it, maybe we don't get what we initially wanted, but it's not a stop, it's just a detour, and maybe you'll find some gems along the way, present company included." Hanni said with a proud smirk, causing you to laugh, playfully elbowing her. "Keep it down Pham Mario." Rolling her eyes, Hanni continued. "So, L/N Peach, trust in how it all goes. You do your best, and that's enough. You're one of the most capable people I know, and if anyone can handle whatever curveballs the world throws at you, it's you, my love. So, just grow as we go, and go where the River takes you. And through all of it, know that no matter what happens, I'll be right by your side in that river, in the same boat, rowing along with you." Tears forming in your eyes once again, you smiled, leaning down and giving Hanni a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Thank you mi vida."

Walking out of the classroom, Hanni leaned into your chest, your larger stature providing her security and comfort. "Wait, Han." You said, a devious idea popping into you head. "Hmm?" Hanni hummed in response. "So if I go where the river takes me, does it mean I'm going to go somewhere else, and find someone else?" You teased, as Hanni's face soured, pulling away from you and glared at you. "Watch yourself, I might be small, but all that means is that I'm closer to hell, and a hell of a lot more dangerous where ankles are involved." Hanni shot back, causing you to laugh heartily. Hanni always had that effect on you. "Don't worry, Han, I'm yours, and you're mine. We'll row together alright?" You reassured, as Hanni smiled, then diving into you again.

[kopilot-pop]

[New Jeans x Oldest Member! Reader] - #3

-imagine.

Summary: Silly little fics of you and the gorls. You’re basically the tired father figure in their lives.

Warning(s): Cursing, car accident?, bribing a worker?,!crack humor, Hanni has a stalker, you get violent, etc.

A/N: This is like really unserious lmao. I wrote it really lighthearted. Also, this was written over the course of the whole Ador vs Hybe situation. So please understand I’m slowly becoming more unhinged as the story goes.

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#1

You’re strong. I mean physically strong. All of New Jeans, hell, ADOR knows that.

Oh where’s Y/n unnie?; She’s out for a jog.

Unnie is your hand okay?; Yeah, I just had a sparring match today.

That’s just a part of your life.

Fans adore this about you, the girls adore this about you, and today, you’ve come to appreciate this fact too.

Especially when a stalker decided to show his face again at the airport.

It’s been about 2 months since you’ve last seen the man. He went viral on the news (by news I mean Dispatch) for being Hanni’s stalker.

The last time you met him - oh, it was ugly.

He snuck into a performance venue disguised as a staff member. You were the one that caught him lurking near the MC waiting room.

‘Hanni’s supposed to be in there.’

Five. seconds.

That’s all it took for Hanni’s scream to pierce your ear.

The stalker barged into the room, grabbed the girl, and attempted to drag her towards the exit.

You don’t remember much after that scene.

Actually you might remember punching his face something and throwing something him across the wall, but that doesn’t really matter does it?

It mattered alot to Dispatch, who got a hold of the security footage, and decided to share it for the world to see.

The whole situation cause alot of debates of “Oh he’s a stalker. He deserved it. Good job Y/n!” versus “Wow, you didn’t have to get that violent Y/n.”, and in the end, the company decided to put you on a short hiatus and a long scolding from the producer.

Currently, you guys are standing across a crosswalk in front of the airport. The six of you are scheduled to perform in Paris in a few days and decided to get there early to settle in. You all planned a short vacation before having a whole week of dancing after dancing.

So imagine your surprise to see the dirty little freak right between the paparazzis - with a broken camera, might I add - staring at your group.

After acknowledging his presence, you quickly turned to Hanni - hoping that she didn’t notice him yet.

Unfortunately, you were too late.

Hanni’s body was slightly shaking and you could see the fear in her eyes as she stares directly towards the area where the stalker is.

Instinctively, you rushed to her side, and held her waist with your arm.

“I’m not letting him get to you, bub.”

“I.. oh you saw him too?”

“Mm-hm, and I’ll sucker-punch him if he tries to touch you again, alright?”

Hanni giggles, “Nooo, I don’t want you to be stuck in our dorms again!”

“I think it’ll be worth it if I get to break his nose this time, no?”

Minji - overhearing your conversation - butts in.

“Please don’t break anybody’s nose today unnie.”

“I’ll try my best.”

Minji gives you a skeptical look and you give her an innocent smile.

When the crosswalk light turns green, the whole group starts to walk through the group of people, as security tries to make enough room for you guys to pass.

The six of you were just about to manage through the gates when Hanni’s pained scream cuts through the air. You snap your head towards your right to see the same stalker gripping a fist-full of her hair.

And in just a millisecond, a loud crack replaces the girl’s scream.

The paparazzis’ cameras went wild with flashes - all trying to capture how you grabbed the man by his collar and slammed your fist right into his nose. Your pupils were blown wide, piercing right through the stalker writhing on the floor.

“Y/N!!”

Minji was the only one quick enough to snap out of her shock and grab onto you before you could attempt to break anymore of his bones..

Yeah, guess you’re not making it to Paris.

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#2

“UNNIE!! Look at this!!”

Danielle happily skips over to the rack filled to the brim with different bunny plushies. You, her and Haerin all decided to go to a state fair that was happening only an hour away from the hotel.

Technically, you were dragged here by the two of them, but that doesn’t matter.

You watched as the girls looked through the pile of plushies while sipping in your smoothie.

‘Is this what parenthood feels like..’

When the two of them finally chose a bunny they liked, they simultaneously looked over to you… expectingly..

“What. Wait. I already bought us food?”

They nod.

“And hats, I bought us three hats.”

They nod, again.

They’re now directly under your nose, giving you those big puppy eyes. Sweat drips down your back, and it’s definitely not because of the Texas heat.

With a exasperated sigh, you reach into your back pocket and take out your card.

“Excuse me, how much for two of those plushies?”

“Oh, so sorry, but those aren’t for sale. You have to win 50 tickets to win two of them!”

The worker gives you a smile and continues helping out a family near the shooting range. When you turn around, Danielle has a clear pout on her face.

“Aww.. I thought I could buy them..”

“Not you, I could buy them.”

“Potato po-tah-to.”

For a moment you think of the choices you have. It’s either waste cash on a rigged shooting range, give up on the plushes, and.. oh.

“Can the two of you get wait in line for the bucket of cookies over there? Here-”

You hand over a 20$ bill. Danielle squeals happily and Haerin finally has a tiny smile on her face. The older girl grabs her hand and runs towards the stand.

As soon as they turn their backs on you, you slither over to the worker again.

“I need the plushies.”

“Wha- oh it’s you again. Look man, we have a policy that we can’t sell the prizes for c-cash.. wha..what is that..”

You quickly tuck a 100 dollar bill into his front pocket and give him an innocent smile.

“Dude, this isn’t a drug deal, I- ugh, fine, I’ll grab you the fucking plushies”

“Thank you :D”

You carry the two bunny plushies in your arms and a giant teddy bear the man gave you in return for a signature to give to his sister.

You awkwardly walk towards your groupmates while balancing the giant furball on your back.

“Y/n unnie!!! Oh my god! What is that?!”

Danielle looks clearly surprised, but you can tell she’s having a hard time containing her smile. Haerin’s trying her best to help you with the teddy bear.

“I.. uh…-holyshitthisisheavy- I hit the jack pot! Yeah, jackpot….”

You give them a toothy grin, not noticing the group of people taking photos of the three of you, and definitely not realizing the absolute fever Twitter is having over the pictures.

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#3

“I’m telling you guys, nothing’s gonna happen-”

A loud scream cuts off Minji as a ghost jumps out from the wardrobe.

Hanni and Danielle screams louder than the ghost, and runs into your arms in fear. You turn around to see Minji in the same situation as you - just with Hyein.

“Nevermind…” Minji rolls her eyes as the actor scurries off to a different room.

But her nonchalant behavior doesn’t last long when something under the bed grabs her ankle. She screams and - quite literally - jumps into your arms.

“WHY DID YOU CHOOSE A HAUNTED HOUSE FOR YOUR BUCKET LIST.”

The moment you let down a wide-eyed Minji, Hanni grabs your collar and shakes you; Pretty sure she’s trying to get revenge, but having absolutely no impact.

“Ack- I thought it would be fun..”

“FUN?! YOU THINK GHOSTS AND DEAD PEOPLE ARE FUN???!!!”

While Hanni growls at you with tears in her eyes, Haerin bravely opens the next door, only to be met with a doll dropped right in front of her face.

The shock causes her to let out a scream-

‘My ears are ringing.’

which you never expected from her - and run towards you to use your body as a shield.

“ALRIGHT, you guys stand behind me, and I’ll open all the doors, okay? That way I’m the one being threatened by the next ghoul or whatever…”

The girls nod their heads in unison. Hanni finally lets go of your collar to grip onto your left arm.

You cautiously kick open several doors, trying to find the exit, and on the third try you finally find another long corridor with a glowing exit sign at the end. The 6 of you slowly walk towards it but freezes when the buzzing sound of a chainsaw starting echoes from behind.

You’re the only one brave enough to turn around and see the clown standing in the middle of the room you guys just left.

“Okay, don’t panic but there’s a clown-”

The girls scream in unison as they sprint towards the exit like their life depends on it. You follow suit, and use your body to bust down the last door.

The whole group falls toward the ground together, and the younger girls naturally grab onto you, tightly closing their eyes in fear.

“Um… Congrats…?”

When you see the employee standing behind the counter, you sigh in relief that the haunted house is over.

“Guys, we escaped the house.”

They finally detach from you to take a look around their surroundings.

“Oh! Well that was nothing.” Hanni scoffs confidently, causing everyone around her to let out a deep sigh.

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#4

“We got into a car accident.”

“WHAT?!”

You jump up from the bed - almost dropping your phone - and check the contact name again.

“Yeah, I think Haerin unnie has a concussion.”

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.”

You quickly put the phone on speaker and fumble around to find your jacket.

“Yeah.. so since Haerin unnie got her license we decided to take your car out for a drive..”

“Wait, wait- MY CAR?!”

“Yeah, you said we can take it out whenever we want? Anyways, we decided to go to the beach… but the road was really messy, I think my phone is glitched, unnie.”

“HUH?!”

“We kinda went down this hill… blah blah blah… we hit a telephone poll- blah blah….”

“Oh my god.”

You rush out the door to the location Hyein has told you. When you arrive, you spot the girls and your BMW M3 that you recently acquired after begging your uncle for 3 months to sell it to you.

With a quick glance you can tell that - thankfully - the car is only a little scratched up, so you immediately turn your attention to the girl curled up in the driver’s seat.

Haerin’s head is against the handle with both of her arms covering her face. Her knuckles are almost white.

“Hey, hey, you okay?”

The only response you receive is a tiny groan from the younger girl.

“Hyein said you might have a concussion? Can you look at me sweetheart?”

“She’s been like this the whole time.” Hyein chimes in.

“The car can be fixed, it’s fine, just a scratch. But it’s more important to me if you’re fine, bub.”

With that a few seconds of silence passes and you finally get a tiny ‘I’m okay’ from Haerin.

“Alright then, let’s move you to the backseat so I can drive us to the hospital, okay? Hyein, get in the passenger seat.”

“Hell yeah! Shotgun!!”

You carry Haerin to the backseat, but as you try to get her seatbelt on, you finally notice the frown on her face.

“Haerin, I’m not disappointed you guys took my car out. I told you guys you’re free to do that. However, I am upset that you guys weren’t careful and got hurt. Okay? We can talk about that after we check if the two of you are fine.”

“What- me too?”

“YES, YOU TOO. YOU WERE ALSO IN THE CAR!”

Hyein pouts at your disbelief. You sigh and give Haerin a peck on her forehead, and hurry to your seat to get to the hospital.

“Put your seatbelt on bub, I’m speeding to the ER.”

“W-wait, you just told us to be caref-AHHH!!”

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A/N: This was fun to write lol.

[defrosted69]

Is it alright to fall in love with you?

(New Jeans Hanni fanfic)

****Since you guys liked Hanni so much, I made another one so here you go Yohohoho****

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They say that a beautiful flower will emerge from it's beautiful stem once it fulfilled its cycle. The sun will welcome the blossom and let it shine where everyone can see the beauty of the flower. Bees and butterfly will come by to say hello to greet the flower. Everything will slow down as their eyes will land to its beautiful structure. Even the rain will pay homage to its Beauty by helping it add aesthetic to the petals that shows eternal beauty. Photographers would be at awe and would make the surroundings a photoshoot.

All glory would be given to the flower but there are those who got stuck in the middle of the process and froze on what to do next. Some wither away unable to withstand the harsh punishment of mother nature as they fall to the ground slowly getting buried and forgotten as they are not there to witness the blooming of their fellow peers who transcended to become a beautiful flower.

Just like in life, many people doesn't bloom to their full potential and they stagnate on their own state not knowing what to do to take that next step. And sadly, you ended up like them.

You have to wonder, how did life turn out like this for you. Everything was so optimistic and bright for you growing up as you have the vision and passion to reach your dreams but slowly, they began to crumble down. All that sunshine was Just your delusion thinking you can take care of it when in reality, life hit you hard like a bullet train. It didn't stop and it continued to torment your life every hour, every minute, every second and every breath you take. Everything had fallen apart from you.

That smile you once had held and showed off to was gone. Infront of your mirror was a tired and empty face that showed no enthusiasm about anything. That fire you once had that you hoped to keep burning was washed in an instant. Rekindling that fire felt so pitiful for you but nothing, nothing ever made that fire back on.

Recalling it now, you couldn't even remember the last time that you genuinely felt happy. Your days felt like a repetitive cycle that just doesn't end and it felt exhausting. But weirdly enough, you feel like keeping that cycle on repeat is your comfort area, like there was no point for you to add something in that cycle because it will just ruin everything that was schedule for you. Society and your personality made it hard for you to make friends entering college.

Gone where the days when you were making cool and enjoyable memories down town wit your bikes. There was no more time for you to mess around and have fun as the sunsets peak through the valley's. The word fun didn't exist anymore on your vocabulary and was replaced with work and money.

Your friends from high school was slowly becoming the person they dreamed off enjoying the labor of their hardship while for you? What's there to enjoy? You were working on a 7 to 8 hour work hour and sometime even have to go to overtime with less pay than what they promised. It was tiring.

So tiring.

You opened your apartment room and you were greeted by the familiar small space that you have been accustomed to. Today was the worst day for you. Job really felt like shit and your girlfriend just dumped you like it was nothing. The 4 years of loving each other, giving everything to her was all drained down the pipe for nothing. You gave all her what you can but it seems it wasn't enough.

You gave her chocolates, yet someone gave her 5 different boxes of imported sweets.

You gave her flowers, yet someone rented a whole flower shop for her on her birthday.

You skipped your days just to attend her needs, yet someone gave her what every person wanted.

You gave her a teddy bear, yet someone gifted her a whole toy store.

You spend a lot for her than yourself, yet someone offered the same but didn't even lost any penny.

You gave her your world, yet someone gifted her the universe.

You laid on your bed thinking of what you did to have this kind of life. Everything was just turning into shit day by day and nothing postive was coming out of your efforts to be better. It has come to the point that you found yourself thinking about going back to where you were truly happy.

"I just want to he happy!! What do I have to do to get my happiness back! What more can I do?!"

You thought to yourself as the alcohol has finally started to kick in your system. Your vision was turning blurry as the ceiling began dancing in perspective. The world was suddenly spinning around you yet you didn't have the energy to move up. You endure the dizziness and eventually the alcohol calmed down and so was your body.

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KNOCK

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KNOCK

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KNOCK

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"Anybody home?"

You woke up upon an unfamiliar voice. The sun was already peaking out of your room as your curtains danced slowly with the soft passing breeze that passed by. You yawned a little and stretched your arms out waking your whole body up. Your legs felt weak at the moment yet you were able to reel yourself to open the door as the sun's light blinded you for a few seconds.

"Who is it? Hmm?"

You blinked a couple times after your vision was finally back. You couldn't see anyone infront of you but your brain clarified you that there was indeed someone who called out to you-

"I'm down here Mister."

An irritated voice called out to you as you lowered your view and there you saw a highschool kid glaring at you. She looked at you as if you made the biggest crime known to mankind but you blinked a couple of times making sure you're awake.

"You're not a ghoul are you? Am I dead?"

This wasn't kindly received as the girl glared at you even more and harshly handed you a pot. You were caught off guard by her harsh action but you manage to catch the pot on your chest with your hands. The girl then began stomping her small feet away from you and mumbling the words

"Rude Ahjussi....."

You were left stunned not knowing what to do or say as you looked at the pot and there was a note attached to its cover.

"We're your new neighbors. And we made some Kinchi stew for you as our gift for you. Please treat us well"

You were honestly confused by their action because there was no way that people still do stuff like this especially in this new era of society. But if someone with a kind heart was offering you a gift then who are you to decline right?

Your day started off rather well with a free breakfast and you can even call it a hangover dish which helped you a lot since you were so DRUNK last night. You somehow ended up finishing the pot of food unconsciously because you were just taking and taking that you realized that the food was delicious. It somehow reminded you off home in sense but nonetheless, you had to return the favor for giving you such delicious food for breakfast.

You washed their pot and checked your wallet if you were still financially okay or on the brink of loaning. Luckily for you, you have enough money to pay the neighbors kindness but your mood suddenly took a dip seeing the picture of you and your girlfriend, or well, in this case, your Ex-girlfriend. You sighed and closed your wallet as you prepared yourself to buy some ingredients.

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"Yow Pham Hanni, why do you look like your pissed or something?"

"Don't start with me Minji."

Hanni snarled at her best friend who raised her hands up in surrender. Kim Minji has been best friends with Hanni since elementary and up until now. The two shared a lot of things together, spend time together and even sleep at each other's home sometimes.

"Chill, you're the one who needs to apologize to me remember? You almost broke my heart thinking your going far away."

Hanni's stoic expression suddenly cracked as she began to smile slowly and show an amused expression.

"Heh, Did I broke your poor heart Minji?"

"Of course Dummy. I was Almost about to cry my heart out the day you moved but here you are. Still in this city."

Hanni finally let her happiness get to her as she laughed whole heartedly making Minji chuckle at her. Hanni's Father was a contract engineer and sometimes, he has to move from one place to another making it for her family to stay at an original place sometimes. But this time, Her father finally was able to land a permanent spot in this city but unfortunately, they could only afford an apartment for now as their finance was still a little shambles after moving from places to places.

Though it was kinda sad for Hanni, it was more sadder for Minji because her heart would litterally crack open everytime Hanni would move away. This has been the 4th time since the Pham's move to a new home and Minji still can't take losing her best friend again.

"Haha, My bad Minji. But I promise you, this time I'm staying here."

"Promise me?"

Minji hugged her which made Hanni sigh but she found it disgusting how Minji gave her the puppy eyes. This was one of the 3 things Hanni didn't like about Minji. First is that she's quite lazy, second is that she's so soft and pure that sometimes, her kindness would lead to misunderstandings, and lastly is her puppy eyes. She just find it so disgusting and annoying.

"Yah, your an 18 year old girl yet your doing this puppy eyes? Ewww. Stop it Minji."

"Promise me? ~~~"

Minji didn't listen and just blinked more showing off her puppy eyes. At this point, Hanni wanted to puke her breakfast out but she just groaned and nodded her head. Minji smiled happily and hugged her even more tightly.

"Can't... Breath... You... Monster strength...."

"Opps, My bad hehehe~"

Minji chuckled as she let Hanni go making the small girl breath heavily.

"Why the fuck are you so strong?"

"I don't know?"

"Whatever"

"Anyway, Why did you looked annoyed earlier?"

Hanni sighed as she recalled the events from earlier. They just successfully moved last night and Hanni really wanted to skip classes today because not only she can rest, but she can finally see her childhood crush next to their house.

Yes, that's right. Hanni's childhood crush is you, your pathetic ass.

She was so excited seeing you last night enter your room but she also felt worried seeing you all wobbly and tired walking to your room. This kinda made her sad because time wasn't really that gentle with you. But then again, that was kinda true. So that night, she formulated a plan to finally see you face to face and it just so happen that her mother made the kimchi soup for you. Hearing about it, she immediately volunteered to give you the pot. Honestly, she was very nervous as every step she took towards your room made her heart race so fast.

She was afraid that she might slip up seeing you face to face but when she finally was infront of your door. She knocked 3 times and waited for you patiently. When the door opened, she finally saw you. She was a bit surprised seeing you so tall than what she last remembered but the thing that pissed her off was that, You were busy looking for her when she was standing infront of you. Hanni has a little ego when it comes to her height and this made her glare at you.

Without even thinking, she harshly gave you the pot and stared to walk away stomping her way out as her face show a bright red color. She was fuming with both embarrassment and anger not towards you but herself.

"FUXKK!! Why did I get pissed when he didn't look down on me!! Gosh, me and my temper! Arghh!"

She mumbled some words out of her frustration but she immediately covered her mouth hoping you didn't hear her and that's how her morning ended with you.

"So that's it huh? How old is he anyway?"

Minji asked Hanni as she wasn't really sure of what your age really was.

"Uhhhh, I first met her when I was 8 so it's been 10 years. He used to have a middle schooler uniform back then so maybe around 23 of 22? I'm not sure."

"Uhuh, So you like older guys huh?"

Minji smirked at her as she tried to make embarrassed but this only made Hanni giggle in delight and sway her body to the side. Minji was caught off guard by this as she didn't expect her best friend to be so deeply in love with someone older than their age.

"Woah Hanni, hide your blush girl. You're litterally telling me that you like older guys."

"I don't like older guys geez. I just like him Hehehehe~"

Hanni once again giggled like a madman in love and Minji could only chuckle. She was already aware of Hanni's first love but she didn't expect that her first love still stayed with her till now. She has to commend her best friend for her loyalty and perseverance to not let that love die.

"Is this why you rejected a lot of guys like even the popular ones like Sunoo, Sunghoon Oppa, and even Jay Oppa?"

"Yup, there nothing compared to Y/N Oppa. Heheheh~"

"Eh? What if he has a girlfriend?"

Hanni's smile dropped after realizing what her best friend said. She completely forgot about that possibility. 10 years of waiting and something like that wasn't out of the picture at all. Hanni sighed and pouted her lips indicating that she was now sad.

"Well if so, then I'll just be fine being friends with him then. I'm okay with just that."

Minji felt sad for her. She finally realized how much Hanni likes you to the point that she would throw away her happiness for yours. This somehow made her feel pity for her friend as a idea popped into her head.

"Hey, Listen to me Hanni."

"Hmm?"

"From here on out, I'll support you with your love journey with him."

Hanni smiled softly at her. It was nice for her to hear that Minji would support her whatever her decision maybe.

"Thank Minji. That means a lot."

"Heheh of course. That's what are best friends are for. Just don't turn into a Yandere though...."

"You bitch. We both know someone fits that category than us."

Minji chuckled and nodded her head.

"True, true. Well anyway, lunch is ending soon. Shall we walk Honey~"

"Shut up Minji. And yes, let's go back to class."

.

.

.

School finally ended and Hanni was glad that the teachers didn't give them any homework to do cause she was tired asf. She didn't want to study anymore and her first aim to do was to go to her room and sleep. The sun was setting already when she arrived at their apartment building and the memories of earlier made her cringe. She had hoped that the events earlier was nothing but a nightmare.

"Stupid Hanni, what were you even thinking doing that."

She sighed as she opened the door to her house.

"I'm home~"

Hanni said as she removed her shoes and placed them on the shoerack near their door. She heard laughter coming from the kitchen as this made her curious.

"Did Mom brought over her friends?"

It wasn't unusual for her Mother to bring over some of her friends at their place as Hanni has grown accustomed to it. Sometimes she would think of it as a norm especially when her mother introduces her to some of her Mother friends son who's the same age as her. Honestly speaking, she didn't care about any of the guys that was being introduced to her as she was set on you and nobody else.

She got closer and there her breath hitched. Her hearth began to beat faster and her whole body froze. She gripped the hem of her skirt as a warm and hot temperature arose through her cheeks. You stood there smiling and laughing along with her mother as you converse about her.

You wanted to repay the delicious favor they did for you earlier so you went out and brought out ingredients needed for the dishes you prepared. It wasn't grande kind of dishes as you didn't have much on you but like the saying goes "Kindness isn't paid but rather showed".

A simple tteokboki dish that goes with some kimbap that your mother used to make for you when you were in Highschool. Her ways of making the food still lingered on your memory and it has become a comfort food for you whenever you feel down. It's just your laziness kicking in everytime you thought making the dish. But this time, that laziness was gone as you tried your best to make the best Gimbap there is inorder to repay the kindness they gave you.

You were quiet anxious in all honestly because this was your first time entering a place which isn't your home or your work place. But that was immediately washed away when the woman happily helped you carry the food as you thanked her for the dish earlier. The woman just shrugged it off as she introduced herself as Mrs. Pham. She wasn't korean but she was very fluent in speaking the language. You also began to help her out in the kitchen as she told you stories about her daughter.

Just by hearing the stories that she was saying, it sounded like her daughter was very smart and outgoing person. Then a sudden realization hit you in the face. The girl from earlier must have been her daughter but remembering what happened earlier, you began to question yourself why she was mad at you in the first place.

"Ah, Hanni sweety, you're home. Meet Mr. Y/N Lee. He's the neighbor you gave the soup to earlier."

You looked behind you and you saw the girl from earlier but this time, instead of glaring at you, she seems to be in a state of shock and suprise. Both of you locked at each other's eyes as Hanni's thoughts were in shambles.

"Oh my gosh oh my goshohmygoshohmygosh!"

She didn't know what to do as You gave her a small smile and a simple wave as you felt embarrassed after the incident from earlier. You were in dire need to apologize to her because of some misunderstandings. Her parents seems really cool to be with and they also seem to be very wise as well.

"Hanni, Prepare the plates already and stop standing here."

Her mother's voice snapped her back to reality as she looked down embarrassed walking past you in a hurry. You were slightly suprised by her speed but you just thought that she must still have hated for earlier. You just let it bypass your thought and decides to leave the household because you already did what you originally want to do. But then, her father saw you slowly walking away and said

"Where you going young man?"

Even though you weren't looking at them, you felt pairs of eyes staring at your back with intensity which somehow made you nervous. You gulped silently and turned your back smiling at them awkwardly.

"Oh I uhh.. I'm going home now Sir. I just want to give back the food from earlier. Thank you by the way-"

"Hiyaaah, come and eat with us. Come on."

Mrs. Pham said as she brightly smiled at you. Her hand signalled you to come and eat with them but you just bowed and shook your head. The atmosphere around the household was something that you missed dearly on your own. The sense of family that you longed ago forgotten was slowly coming back at you because of them. It was quite joyful but at the same time sad for you.

"Come and eat with us Oppa, you deserve a little break"

Hearing the words of Hanni made you stiffen as you looked at her. The glare she gave you earlier was now gone and was replaced with a soft expression that you couldn't believe she was able to do. For some odd reason, her expression and words struck a chord in your heart as you held your emotion in tact. You didn't want to embarras yourself against them after all because you know they were good people.

"If Hanni says it’s okay then you should stay Y/N."

Her father said finally making you concede to their decision for you to stay. You walked back towards the kitchen and offered a seat for Hanni, you were after all a guest and it's the owners rights to sit first and you be the last. But for Hanni, her heart was ready to explode by your gesture. Sure, some may say that it's just an etiquette to show but for Hanni, this was something she will forever embed in her memory.

"Take a seat Hanni"

"T-Thank you O-Oppa..."

"No problem."

Dinner proceeded like normal as if you were part of their Family. It was weird because that old feeling of belonging came crashing down on you and you felt your emotion slowly cracking open. You held to your chopstick tightly and gripped it tight holding yourself in. But Mrs. Pham noticed this as she felt pity towards you. What she was seeing in you was not an adult man but rather, a tired and worn out soldier who's been keeping himself strong for a long time now.

"Y/N-ssi.."

"Y-Yes?"

"It's okay. It's okay."

Her warm and comforting words was the final nail to your coffin as you bit your lips as they quivered slowly. Tears began to slowly fall out of your eyes and Hanni felt so devastated seeing you crying.

"Oppa..."

"N-No, It's okay.. I-I'm fine... I'm fine really.."

Your words didn't match your action as tears was falling from your eyes as you try your best to hide them but to no vail. Everything about the household just broke you because seeing how they were all connected made you remember the past you used to have. The happiest moment you used to have before was gone and it was painful because you didn't ask anyone to remove that happiness from you. It was taken from you and seeing the Pham family act like how you used to, made you miss the old times. You covered your eyes preventing you to lose more tears but then suddenly, Mr. Pham stood up and patted your back.

"It's all right Kiddo, let it all out."

Their kindness towards you, a complete stranger was really getting you to break down your walls that you built so much. The protection towards not showing weakness was taken down immediately. Ironically, kindness was the reason it was taken down.

Hanni clenched her fist in sadness and worry because she didn't expect you to cry your heart out. The silent sniffles was all she needed to know that you went through a lot of hardship, alone.

"Oppa...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

Hanni blames herself for being not there whenever you needed help. This was preety obvious that you were fighting your own problems alone and as great as it sounds, it wasn't a healthy way of dealing a problem. This only gave Hanni more reason to be by your side. At this point, she wasn't even thinking to be your wife, just a friend is enough for her as for the moment.

You have expected that Dinner would be awkward after your embarrassing breakdown but no, it didn't. It become more livelier than earlier as her parents told you amazing stories about their life, their struggles, and many more. Her father has told you many inspiring words that you surely will live out. You were slowly admiring Hanni's father because of her wisdom and his wife for her comforting words. You felt like you were home again with them and that brought a small smile upon your face. You offered your services to wash the dishes but Mrs. Pham decline the offer and told you to rest up. You tried to push for your agenda but in the end, Mrs. Pham won.

You thanked them and apologized for the nuisance you cause but they just brushed it off and even told you that you were welcome in their home anytime. You weren't gonna lie, you actually had a great time there and it was one of the few positive moments you have so far since being an adult. Hanni was the one who had to walk you towards your room even though it was less than a minute walk but you didn't complain.

"Listen Hanni. About earlier, I'm sorr-"

"I should be the one apologizing Oppa. I was too insensitive towards you. Please forgive me"

Hanni bowed to you with her entire back bend forward as you were surprised by her action. You actually didn't mind her actions earlier because you felt like you were the one who caused it anyway.

"N-No, it's okay Hanni. I should be the one apologizing to you because I was the one who's insensitive towards you. I didn't know you were small.."

Hanni bit her lip controlling her rage because she hates it being called small.

"But you're cute. I-I mean you being small adds to your cute factor. Gosh what am I saying to a teenager? I'm so out of touch from reality."

You groaned and gave yourself a self palm to the head as the words that came out of your mouth was something inappropriate especially since Hanni was still a teenager and your a grown ass man. Saying stuff like that in the open would immediately send you to jail and your life will forever be fucked. But Hanni was the opposite, she loved every word that you said and her face right now was Red as a tomato. She took in deep breaths in order to calm herself down before fixing her posture and looking at you.

"Well I don't mind you calling me Cute Oppa cause that's true anyway."

That sentence made you chuckle at her and shook your head.

"Yah, you shouldn't be too proud of yourself. That can bite you in the ass."

"Hmph. Nope."

Hanni smiled brightly as you just chuckled at her. Even though you two were now talking comfortably, you still somehow feel bad for her with the incident earlier.

"Listen Hanni, is there anything you want? I kinda still feel bad for earlier. Let me make up for it."

"Please be my boyfriend...”

She wanted to say those words out loud but she still has a lot of things to do and this was a great baby steps for her in order to achieve that goal.

"Hmmm well, there's a movie I really want to watch so.... Maybe we can go watch it together in the weekends Oppa?"

This was her shot, well probably her best shot of her life and she just laid it out. In her defense, this was the best opportunity to have and she might not even get another chance like this again.

"Weekends huh? Sure, I can make time in Saturday."

Hanni wanted to die from happiness. One of her dreams on going on a date with you was finally happening as she she flashed you the best smile she ever has. You on the other hand found it adorable how Hanni smiled sweetly at you.

"Alright, here's my number Oppa. Contact me when your free. Hehehe~"

"Ah right, here's mine too."

Hanni gave you her number which you saved in your contacts as Hanni did the same.

"Well, see you around Oppa. Goodnight and also, Thanks for the food, they were delicious."

Hanni gave you a thumbs up as you just chuckled and shrugged your shoulders. The moonlight was quite bright tonight as the full moon showed itself in the black sky. You waved her goodbye as she walked away smiling and happily waving at you. You entered your room and you immediately noticed the atmosphere between Hanni's house and yours.

"They are such a sweet family. I wished my family stayed together like them..."

You could only sigh at that false wish as you did your nightly routine and headed to bed.

Hanni meanwhile was smiling ear to ear and dancing in her room listening to New Jeans as her day was complete. She finally got her ultimate crush number, converse with him, and finally set a date between the two of you. Hanni's luck was truly kind towards her today and she couldn't be more thankful towards the man above.

"Thank you God for today. Please, please let me be his Woman. If not then at least let me be his shoulder to cry on."

Although everything was going great for her, she still couldn't help but feel sad for you after all.

"Y/N went through a lot in the span of 10 years huh. He really deserves a happy life ahead of him. Hmm... What should I do to make that possible..."

Through out the night, Hanni thought off many possible ways to make your smile appear once again, and this time, a smile that wasn't sad or broken but rather, a smile that showed true happiness.

.

.

.

.

The days for Hanni was slow and she hated how time was moving so slow as if it was preventing her to get what she wanted. She has been restless lately thinking on what she would wear, how she would act, and how she should attract you. But even though she was quiet anxious and annoyed of the slow days, she was quiet glad of taking your number because the two of you have been in touch lately.

You find it very surprising that talking with Hanni on the phone was actually quite enjoyable and fun to be. You enjoyed listening to her afternoon rant and late night conspiracies because you found it amusing that someone like her is already running wild in imagination. It was something you lost before and it's probably the reason why your life has been dull. The lack of imagination and inspiration to create such imagination was long gone. There was no way for you to recreate those crazy and creative imagination of yours but hearing Hanni's crazy imagination, well you couldn't help but smile at that.

Hanni was what you were before, an energetic, creative, and adrenaline pump person. People like that are very rare to find nowadays and growing up, you lost your old self in order to adapt to society and act like the adult because you are now THE adult. Finding time to be foolish was already off your calendar as there was no time for that, everything needs to be serious in order to accomplish something.

Even though Hanni didn't like hearing advices, There was an exception towards you. Hanni would sometimes spill some days where she hated it and you would come up and tell her some advices and things she would work out on. Of course, she didn't like it at first but realizing that you went through tough times, this was the best way for her to at least Change some of her bad habits that she has grown out off. Although it was good for you that you were advising Hanni, she didn't like it completely because she felt like she was being treated like a kid by you.

She wishes that this kind of advices wouldn't just let you see her as a kid but she hoped that it would get past that. This is one of her fears especially when it comes to liking you now. You were the adult between each other so it was only natural for you to act like one but can you look past Hanni as a kid? That question was one thing that made Hanni anxious of what she will do next.

Nonetheless her questions would be answered on their Movie date.

Hanni woke up earlier than usual as her heart was pumping so fast. This was the day she finally can get on a date with you which she could only dream off. She had already prepared the clothes she was gonna wear for this day last night as she made sure that her outfit would literally captivate you. She had asked Minji about her opinion on what she would wear and the chaotic pair would end up emptying the closet of Hanni leaving her room a total mess. As if a tornado was able to enter her room, Minji was able to find the best outfit for her despite the carnage around her room.

Minji might be the best stylist Hanni has ever met in her life because Minji is that type of girl who can lead a new trend. The powers she holds if she was casted on a photoshoot, Hanni would bet that Minji would change the game in the fashion industry.

Hanni took a double shower and made sure the shampoo she was using would create a beautiful scent if passed by. She usually stay at the shower room for half an hour but today, she made sure nothing would be flaw in her body as she took longer than usual. Her father could raise his eyebrows because he would be in for a suprise seeing the water bill slightly increase.

You on the other hand was eating your ramen as you forgot to buy ingredients once again because of the tiring workload you did this week. As if last week wasn't hellish enough, this week was doubled than the last. Everyone was working overtime because they couldn't afford leaving their work in overdue. Everyone wanted a break so they all decided to do overtime which in turn causes them to lack sleep and proper rest. You were part of the suffering as you didn't even had a proper meal the entire week.

Instant food was your go to lunch, dinner and breakfast which wasn't very healthy to begin with. Even though the days were tiring, seeing the messages of Hanni every night was enough to leave a small smile on his face. Hanni was slowly becoming your happy pill because her energy is just so contagious that you couldn't help but feel a smile forming on your face every time you would see her in the apartment hallways or in her messages.

Today was the day to somehow thank her for being a reason that brings a smile on your face. You took a quick shower and checked some clothes for you in your closet. You wanted to slap yourself from embarrassment as all of your clothes were all too formal and a quick realization hit you.

"I guess I didn't even have time to buy clothes for myself huh.."

You sighed as you decided to wear your white polo and your usual formal pants. You decided to remove the suit jacket in order to look less formal because today was your off day. You hoped that Hanni wouldn't mind your attire at all considering you look like your usual uniform. Nonetheless, you got out of your apartment earlier than the supposed meet up because you didn't want to show up late.

You messaged Hanni saying your outside her apartment when a few seconds later, Hanni came out looking very preety. Your eyes landed front upon her beauty as you were star struck by her visuals. This was your first time seeing Hanni without her uniform and you immediately saw the difference between her Uniform attire and casual clothes. She wore a simple white shirt and light brown jacket that goes along well with her brown baggy pants.

You chuckled seeing how adorable she looked with her pants while Hanni blushed and pouted seeing and hearing you chuckle.

"Yah, What's so funny Oppa?"

"Ah no it's nothing."

"Nothing? You liar. You're laughing at my outfit huh?"

"No, no of course not. You actually look adorable with your attire."

Well that was enough to make Hanni flustered. She froze in place for a couple of seconds as the words that came out of your mouth replayed over and over her thoughts.

"So, what movie do you wanna watch Hanni?"

"H-Huh? Oh umm.. Let's just go to the cinema and see if it's still there."

"Sure. Let's go."

The two of you walked away from the apartment building as Hanni began to converse about you about her school life. It took you by suprise when you heard her say that she's actually quite smart. You decided to tease her making her whine at you and pout cutely which you didn't mind at all. But unknown to you, Hanni actually loved it and was blushing slowly. Through out the walk, Hanni couldn't help but glance at you whenever she has the chance too. Your simple formal attire just makes her heart weak and makes her heart flutter.

Upon arriving at the Cinema, you were suprised by how many people were there and your attention immediately landed on Hanni. Your instinct kicked in as you held her hand which made Hanni blush furiously. The way your hand made contact with hers made her loose her common sense as she stares at her hand holding yours.

"Hold on me tight Hanni, you might get lost."

Hanni didn't hear you as you pushed through the wave of people gently shielding Hanni from the tight crowd. It was quite a Challange but you managed to arrive at the ticket booth with no problem as Hanni was still ecstatic with her hand holding yours.

"What Movie are we watching Hanni?"

"I luv yu..."

"Hmm? I don't think there's a movie called like that though."

You looked over at the category of the words that Hanni said but for the girl, she was blushing madly because of embarrassment. Her mind just suddenly process her initial thought and it came out of her mouth. She was glad that you were slow to realize it or even better, you didn't realize it at all. Which in turn, saddened Hanni partially but she brushed that thought off anf held your hand even tighter as she pointed at the movie she wanted.

"I want to watch that Oppa."

"Hmm? John Wick?"

"Yup."

"It's rated SPG and I don't think your height is.."

"Do you wanna die Oppa?"

Hanni looked at you with a deadpan expression which you couldn't help but laugh a little and press her cheeks. Both of you widen your eyes after the action that you just did. Hanni blushed as she eyed you while you slowly pulled away your hand from her cheeks.

"Why... Why is my heart racing? God no.."

A slight blush appeared on your face as you eyed Hanni who was staring at you with a shock yet calm expression. You didn't even think of doing the act as you just instinctively touched her cheeks like it was the most natural thing to do. You gulped hard and looked away.

"Sorry Hanni..."

You were now completely ashamed of yourself. Once again, you fucked up a great friendship because of your usual self. For sure right now that Hanni hated you-

"I... Kinda like it Oppa.."

You quickly look back and saw Hanni smiling at you with the most brightest smile you have ever seen in your life. Hearing the assurance out of her voice and that sweet smile somewhat calmed your nerves down. Something about this girl was making you intrigue of your own self.

You bought two tickets for the movie and when you thought Hanni wouldn't supriseyou anymore, she surprised you again when she was so emerced on the movie even cursing out the bad guys. You couldn't help but laugh at her. This kind of behavior was once you had but had dissappeared so seeing Hanni act like you used to was a sight to see. But the thing that suprised you the most is that, this kind of behavior was what you hate the most especially when watching movies but for some odd reason. Seeing Hanni act like that somehow made you appriciate people like that.

"The movie was great! Isn't it Oppa? John wick is really badass! He went Woosh and then he picked up his gun and went Bang Bang to those losers."

Hanni was hyped up after seeing the movie as she mimicked the character on the movie and even did some impressions of him. You simply smiled at her cute antics as the two of you were walking at the mall hoping to find a restaurant to eat and luckily for you, your favorite restaurant was opened as you and Hanni took a seat and ordered your food.

"Say Oppa, what kind work do you do? A teacher?"

You chuckled and shook your head. Hanni had been so far the only person that has put a smile on your face. Your life has been boring yet in just a span of a week, Hanni has turned that frown into a smile that can't seem to be erased. Her presence alone made you smile unconsciously.

"No, I work at an office Hanni. You know the typical guy who works on his computer all day. Boring isn't?"

"Nope, that's sounds fun actually. Did you try folding a paper and making it into a paper plane? It's fun seeing them fly in the office. Or better yet, did you shoot a crumple paper on the trash bin and shot it saying Kobeee like that?"

Her eyes was sparkling upon saying her ideas and you couldn't even talk. It sounded like basic ideas yet when Hanni says it, it sounded like it was legit fun.

"Well, I didn't do any of that..."

"Well now you can try.. Hold on, I think I have an idea."

Hanni grabbed the tissues on the table and began to fold them in a particular manner as you sighed and saw the paper plane or tissue plane if you would call it.

"Alright Oppa, See the trash bin there?"

"Yeah."

"If I shoot this and it landed on that thing. You need to double my order. Deal?"

"What? Why would I-"

"Hmm? Is Y/N-Oppa scared? Hmm??"

Hanni taunted you giving you a smug look which you just playfully scoffed and shook your head.

"Go ahead. Try it."

"Heh, Don't underestimate me. For my name is Pham Hanni, Watch."

Hanni closed her left eye as she focus her sight on the trash bin. Her face looked so focused and her hands felt relaxed. She was confident on herself and it was preety obvious for you that Hanni was a skilled person. You gulped silently as your wallet couldn't afford another order of the foods here. With a deep breath, her hand moved forwards as the tissue plane went floating in the air twirling in some degree. The plane was getting closer to the target and this made you nervous. Sweat began to form on your forehead as your heart began to beat louder.

But at the last minute, the plane instead entered the Restaurant kitchen making Hanni bit her lips in embarrassment and you slowly looking at her. When Hanni met your eyes, both erupted in laughter making everyone in the rest a look at you weirdly. You apologized for the sudden outburst but Hanni didn't, she didn't care about there stares unless it was a woman staring at you lovingly then it's a different story.

"See? It's fun isn't it Oppa?"

"Yeah, I guess your right."

Hanni, a highschooler was able to make a simple thing fun without doing anything extra at all. Her creative imagination gave life to such simple thing and you were already captivated by it.

Lunch was fun once again with the help of Hanni and this was one of the few times where you enjoyed lunch with a companion. You were used to having lunch alone at the company building that it has grown accustomed to you that eating alone was normal but Hanni, showed you that having someone to eat with is more fun. The sun was already setting and Hanni decided to head into the park to relax her feet.

"Ahh, Did you know Oppa that this place is my comfort zone?"

"Well I just know now."

"Whenever I feel down or really tired, I go here and unwind my mind because it just relaxes me."

"I see..."

A place where you can fully unwind and remove all the thoughts away and just relax. That was one place you hoped to find soon but as of the moment there was no place close to something like that.

"Do you have a comfort zone Oppa?"

You shook your head at her question but at the same time this question struck you. You have never thought this question before because your comfort zone has always been your home but that disappeared. Home wasn't longer a comfort zone but rather a toxic environment now. It was suffocating you whenever you thought of how much it changed for the worst.

"Honesty speaking Hanni, my comfort zone before turned to a toxic one."

"Oh, I'm sorry..."

Hanni felt ashamed for saying such question as she scolded herself but you could only shook your head.

"It's alright. The reason I teared up on your home was because I was reminded of how my life before was before all shit went down.."

You sighed as Hanni saw the distress on your face. Today has been a blast lately and seeing how you looked sadden by the past made her feel sad a little too. Today isn't just for her to have fun as well, this was also your day to relax so she immediately came up with an Idea. A simple yet effective way to get that heavy feeling off your chest. She was hesitant to grab your hand again but she slapped herself on her thoughts because you needed her right now.

"Man up... Err I mean Go grab her hand Hanni! This is your chance!"

She told herself as she took a deep breath and gently grabbed your hand surprising you in the process. There was a visble blush on her face as she drags you to a nearby bench. You just let her be as you noticed how small her hands are compared to yours.

"Cute... Wait. What am I saying? She's literally a kid! I need to touch grass..."

Both sat down and infront of them was the park fountain and they stayed quiet for a few seconds observing their sorroundings. Hanni didn't let her hand go as she only made it tighter.

"You know Oppa, sometimes you just need to let those go of your chest and talk to someone about it. I'm all ears and I won't judge you at all. Like what Mom said to me, she saw you being so strong for so long that she pitied you when you broke down crying."

You softly chuckled as this was an embarrassment for you.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, I kinda feel bad though when I saw you crying. It...kinda made me sad seeing you cry."

You saw the sincerity on her eyes and you can tell that Hanni really cared for you. Even though it was just a few days ago that you two met, it felt like Hanni knew you for a long time now.

"Heh, well my family life was like yours. All smiles and laughter. I though that it would last like that until I grow old but it didn't. Dad was caught having an affair with another woman and they filed for divorce. Dad moved out along with his stuff and you thought it wouldn't get worse but it did...."

Hanni noticed how your hands began to quiver and your eyes began to look broken and empty. Hanni couldn't bear seeing you in such state but she has to keep herself under control or she might do something she could regret.

"Mom was diagnosed with brain tumor that she kept from us, from me ever since I was young and I had to take part time Jobs for moms recovery but guess what? She died on the day of my graduation and instead of me celebrating my degree, I cried alone and mourned my mother's death. Ever since then, the word comfort zone became nothing for me as shit just keeps getting worse for me since then. Heh, I'm pathetic aren't I? I live the worst life of them all but it is what it is. "

Hanni hated how you smiled after saying those words. She hated how you were saying to yourself that everything was okay when it's not. She hates that you have been lying to yourself to show how strong you are but in reality, your weak. She hates that you have been so much and nobody was there for you.

"Hanni, listen we should-"

She shut you up when she pulled you closer to her and hugged you tightly. She could hear your heartbeat which seems to relax her but the thing that surprised you, was how much you felt at ease with Hanni being this close to you. That warm and comforting embrace that you longed to have was now presented to you. You couldn't help but feel a little emotional with how Hanni hugs you.

"Oppa, everything will be okay from now on. You don't have to carry everything on your own. I'm here with you now."

You bit your lips not wanting to cry but Hanni's embrace was just too much for you. You ended up sobbing quietly with Hanni comforting you by your side.

Your date was finally over as both of you were now walking the hallways of your apartment. You stopped at her front door as Hanni smiled happily at you.

"I had fun with you today Oppa, I hope you did too."

"Honestly speaking Hanni, I did. It's been so long since I last had fun like this."

This sentence made Hanni giggle in delight as she achieved what she needed to achieve this day.

"So shall we go on a date again Oppa?"

You chuckled at her wording but nodded your head nonetheless.

"I wouldn't call it date Hanni, but sure. I don't mind going out with you again."

Hanni jumped in delight as she hugged you tightly again. You were surprised at first but patted her head in response. You didn't know that Hanni was such a clingy person after all but that only adds to her charms. Hanni was about to pull away when a wild idea came to her mind. A small smile appeared on her face when she looked up to you. You weren't gonna lie, seeing her look up to you was adorable and it slightly made you blush.

"Oppa, do you pack your lunch?"

"Ummm no, I usually eat at the cafeteria."

"Eww the cafeteria. No, that's disgusting."

"What do you mea-"

Hanni placed a finger on your mouth shutting you up as she smiled at you.

"From here on out, I'll make you lunch boxes so that you don't have to eat in that filthy piece of shit cafeteria. Bleh!"

You wanted to refuse but Hanni was quicker than you as she pulled away and said goodnight before entering her house. You were just stunned by how Hanni dictate her decisions towards you as you just chuckled and shook your head in amusement. Hanni was the first girl you met that was actually fun to be with.

"I'm sure she would eventually forget about the lunch box thing."

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.

.

Like the famous quote "Teenagers scare the living shit out of me" says, Hanni did in fact kept her word and gave you lunch boxes everyday to work. Initially you wanted to refuse her offer but seeing the band-aids around her hand on that day, it made you realize that Hanni was very genuine in making you a lunch box. Of course this would worry you and checking her hand if it was okay and all that but Hanni would just blush and nod her head. She was quite the stubborn yet smart girl because she would ask you out for another hangout.

Even though Hanni insist it was a date, you keep the word Hang out to not mistaken their relationship. After all, You were a 22 year old adult and Hanni is an 18 year old high schooler. Society would immediately hound you to death knowing your dating a minor. Your so called Hang out ranges from Cinema dates, Dinner date, amusement park date, or sometimes, staying at your place blasting music and dancing together. But the more Hanni do this kind of stuff to you, the more you see Hanni in a different light.

The way she worries about you when you go to overtime, the way she messages you everytime you arrive home, the way she would invite herself to your apartment room when there's nothing to do, the way she took care of you when you got sick, and more importantly, the way she argued back with your boss when you were clearly unable to work. That memory will forever be stuck with you because instead of getting fired, you were instead given more time of rest as your effort at your job boar fruit. Hanni was extremely ashamed for herself that day but you instead hugged her and twirled her around thanking her.

That was the day Hanni finally saw the old handsome smile she fell in love with in the first place.

Everything she does towards you was bringing you that joy and fun that you solely lack in life. She was bringing back that light that you lost back then.

Hanni was slowly becoming your Miss Sunshine and it's quite concerning for you. Hanni was a good person both as a person and at heart. So for you to have such feelings for her was surely not appropriate. In fact, you are clearly seen as a big brother towards her more than anything. But this also seems to have cause a stir at your work place and that's the lunch boxes.

You see, everyone in your workplace have been seeing you eat alone and getting your food at the counter but ever since you brought Hanni's lunchbox, everyone has been curious on who's been giving you such food.

"Hey Y/N, nice lunch box."

"Ah, T-Thank you."

"So did you made it?"

"Ah no, Someone else did."

That immediately cause them to gasp in a surprising manner which confused the hell out of you.

"Y-You have a girlfriend?"

"Ah, No she's a friend of mine."

"But she makes you lunch boxes everyday?"

"Yeah"

"Bro, You're so lucky because if a girl made lunch for you everyday then they are wife material. Marry her and don't let her go!"

Those words have been sitting on your thoughts for some time now and everytime you would see Hanni smiling and getting close to you, it made you realize that the girl that once glared at you and harshly gave you food, was making you fall for her.

It sounded so wrong for you to be having feelings on a girl who's so much younger than you and that's the confusing part. You suddenly began to act differently towards Hanni to which she noticed immediately. Everytime she would get close to you, you would move away. When she messages you, you just simply say a one liner and tell her good night. You were pushing her away from your life because deep down you know, you know that you don't deserve her.

Of course your actions pains Hanni because she felt like she might have pushed herself towards you too much. Her worst fear was slowly creeping up on her and she didn't like that one bit. She decided to take a step back on her plans and go back to her roots. Her first steps. Surely that would help her right?

Your alarm clock rang once again indicating your normal boring day to start. You got out of your bed and checked your phone but to your surprise, Hanni hasn't even read your message last night. You sighed and messaged her a simple Good morning and did you normal morning routine. You turned on the morning news hoping to hear something good happening at the economy as you wear your usual work outfit.

"Huh? So today's afternoon forecast is rain huh?"

You looked out your window and saw that the sun was already hiding and dark clouds were ruling over the sky.

"More like morning will rain."

You turned your TV off and wore your shoes before getting out of your apartment. Hanni hasn't still read your messages which slowly made you worried. This was the longest Hanni has left you on read and surprisingly, outside of your apartment was her Mother.

"Oh, Mrs. Pham good morning."

You bowed at her but you notice the sad and empty look she gave you. You sense something bad had happened and your heart was starting to beat faster as this could mean something related to Hanni.

"Y/N. Have you seen Hanni?"

There goes your bad feeling. Cold sweats began to form on your forehead as you tried to keep yourself calm.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Pham but I thought she went home last night"

"She didn't.. I tried calling her multiple times but she's not answering and... I feel like this is our fault as parents for her running away."

You wide your eyes. Your ears was not deceiving you at all because you heard it loud and clear. Hanni ran away from home and hasn't contacted anyone since. You were slowly on the verge of panicking but you remained calm as there could be a place for her to be in.

"Did you try to contact anyone from her friends Mrs. Pham?"

"I did. I called Minji and she has no idea that Hanni ran away. I... I don't know where my baby could be..."

Mrs. Pham suddenly began to sob her eyes out as you pulled out your handkerchief and gave it to her. You rubbed her back hoping to calm her down because you know how much a mother loves her children to their deaths. But there was something that still lingered on your mind.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Pham for asking but you said earlier about something about your fault as a parent for letting Hanni ran away? Hanni never once told me any problem she was facing but this is the first time I heard of this."

You might be nosy right now but you couldn't let anything happen to Hanni right now. Your sunshine was missing and it was your turn to return the favor she has done for you turning your life upside down for the better.

"Well you  see me and my husband-"

.

.

.

.

"Why is everything falling on me so hard? What did I do to deserve this?"

Hanni thought to herself as she hugged her knees close to her. For the past few days, everything has been shity for her. School hasn't been to kind with her as her marks was slowly falling behind because of her family issues. Her parents have been constantly getting into fights lately due to her father wanting to prioritize their financial status by moving away once again. But her mother didn't want any of that money if it means making Hanni sad.

Both didn't end up in a good deal and in their fight ended up in hot claims of divorce. Hanni couldn't take such possibility as she didn't want to lose any of her parents. She had loved them so much and for her to be the reason why they would be divorcing, it was stabbing her heart.

Add in the slow fall of her relationship with you as you were clearly trying to push her away. Her once sanctuary in you was slowly disappearing right infront of her eyes. Add all this and Hanni couldn't handle it anymore as she decided that it was better off to run away from her problems, to run away from all worries and just be free.

"Mom.. Dad, I'll miss you surely.."

A tear escaped her eyes as she was set to a new goal for herself and for the better of everyone. Surely she wasn't gonna be missed by anyone if she just dissappeared from everyone.

"Oppa, I'll miss you..."

This time, her emotions was slowly getting the best of her and it didn't help that rain was slowly falling down on her. Her walls began to show crack as she recalls the moments she felt so love whenever she was with you. The memories both of you shared flashed on her mind making her realize that she had so much fun being with you. The way her heart relaxes even now just by thinking of you shows how much you impacted her life positively.

The rain suddenly got harsher yet she stayed there, on the bench getting soaked not minding the rain at all. Her body began to shiver from the cold harsh rain and she could feel her feet and hands getting stiff from the rain.

"Maybe this is better.... Dying from the cold..."

She closed her eyes and accepted her faith. There was no hope for her to fix the problem because she is the problem after all.

"Goodbye Minji, I really appriciate you being my friend because I'm such a loser. Thank you so much for giving me such fun and memorable memories."

.

.

.

"Goodbye Mom, Dad. I know that Dad was just thinking about all of us but guess what? I'm a stubborn child after all and weak one too. I couldn't handle seeing you fight because of me and I hope the two of you will be happy after all this."

.

.

.

"Oppa, I'm sorry for being too clingy towards you. I must have been a creep towards you huh? I'm sorry for acting like a spoiled annoying bitch towards you. I'm sorry for bothering you all this time. I'm sorry for all the mistake I did for you, all the pain and confusion I did towards you. I'm sorry.…I truly am sorry because I.... Love you Oppa and…goodbye... "

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"HANNI!!!"

You finally spotted her as you sprinted towards her faster than anyone as your adrenaline pumped to the max. You immediately covered Hanni from the rain and saw her shivering from the cold rain. She slowly opened her eyes and even though they were quite Blurry she will never forget the face of the person she loved.

"O.... Oppa..."

"Don't say anything. We're going to the hospital okay?"

You immediately removed your large jacket and coated Hanni with it. Her eyes was now slowly getting a good vision of you as notice how she looked so tired and broken. This made your heart crack as you held her cheeks warmly making Hanni love your touch. It was comforting and warm.

"Now hold on Hanni. I'm gonna carry you."

"W-What?"

Her weak voice made you more inspired as you carried her in a princess like manner as you held the umbrella on one hand while carrying her as well. By some godly strength, you carried Hanni so fast to the hospital in less than 5 minutes as upon arriving there, you called out doctors and nurses immediately. You didn't care if everyone was looking at you. A doctor and some nurses then came to your aid as you gently placed Hanni on a hospital bed.

They proceeded to do their medical stuff as you anxiously wait for the result on the waiting room. Obviously, you were the only soaked person in there as you would attract some eyes but you didn't care. All your mind could process is that Hanni will be alright and nothing bad will happen. Upon hearing that Hanni ran away, a place immediately landed on your though as you hurriedly made your way to the park where Hanni told you was her comfort zone.

Not long afterwards, the doctor would come out as you stand up hoping for the best.

"How's she doc?"

"She's fine. She's in a stable condition now but if she was 5 minutes late, she could be in critical condition because of hypothermia."

You sighed out a breath of relief as you wanted to thank the man from above.

"We're moving the patient to a private room. We just need a signature from her parents or her legal Guardian."

"I'm that person Doc. I'm......"

"You're?"

You gulped as you were afraid to say this word but at a time like this, there was no other way.

"I'm her boyfriend Doc."

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.

"Ugh where.... Where am I? Why is the ceiling so... White?"

Hanni spoke as she was looking around her new surroundings. This was very new to her as she tried to sit up but immediately noticed the tube injected to her left hand.

"I'm at a hospital? What happened? Hmm?"

Hanni noticed a hand holding her right hand tightly as the person was slowly waking up. Hanni widen her eyes seeing you look up at her. You immediately widen your eyes as you hugged her tightly surprising her. Her heart immediately began to face faster and her cheeks getting warmer.

"O-Oppa? Why.. Why are you here?"

"Thank God you're already awake Hanni. I was so worried sick you know."

This sentence only made Hanni blush even more as she could feel herself melting at your embrace. You finally pulled away from her as you checked her temperature on her neck and forehead. Your small gesture of checking up on her reminded her of when she took care of you when you were sick.

"O-Oppa I though.. I thought you hated me. But you saved me... Again. Just like last time.."

You softly gave her a warm smile and patted her head. You finally realize what those words meant as her mother finally told you the first time you met Hanni.

"Yeah, I finally remembered the 8 year old kid I saved from the pedestrian lane before. I didn't know she grew up so beautiful."

Hanni widen her eyes and gave you a look of shock. There was no way that you finally remembered her after all as her facial expression made you laugh whole heartedly.

"Yah, if you know then why did you kept quiet all this time?"

She pouted her cheeks at you cutely as you couldn't help but cup her cheeks on your hand making her blush furiously.

"I only figured out after your mother told me. Speaking off your mother, Your parents are kinda dissapointed at you."

Hanni lowered her head in shame as she knows that what she did was something she can't apologize for. It was an impulsive decision for her and she has nobody to blame but herself.

"But, I talked to your parents about their issues and told me that the whole divorce thing was just said because of the heat of the argument. There was really no reason for the two of them to separate."

This made the small girl smile happily as she was glad that the issue of her parents was solved. But there was still one problem that lingered on her mind.

"Oppa, I have to apologize to you."

This made you confused as you removed your hand on her cheeks. She played with her fingers as a blush was evident on her cheeks and she couldn't properly look at you in the eye.

"I.. I'm sorry for being too clingy towards you. It must have felt a little awkward with me, a high schooler getting all comfortable with an adult and-"

"Okay Hanni, Stop and listen to what I'm about to say."

You looked at Hanni in a serious expression as Hanni's heart beat was so loud and warm sweats began to form on her forehead. Your intense stare was making Hanni weak.

"I need to apologize for trying to push you away cause you see, I may have put myself in a pickled situation."

This time, Hanni notice a red stain appearing on your cheeks as her heart began to beat faster. Is her dream fantasy finally becoming a reality?

"Ever since you arrived to my life, everything has been so bright and positive with me. Like I feel like the traces of my old self dissappeared because of you. You ,Pham Hanni changed my life for the better in just a couple of months. Nobody has given me this much joy and fun in my life since I was a high schooler and because of that, I'm so forever thankful of you. "

Hanni could only nod at your words as you know the following words that will come out of your mouth is not from the brain but from the heart. With one deep breath you continued.

"Hanni, during those months of fun and enjoyment with you is something that will never be replaced and because of that I...might have caught something like.. Ummm you see I eventually-Argh! fuck it."

You couldn't properly say it but with one strong motivation, you said the words you wanted to say with your heart.

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"I love you Hanni."

Now Hanni's mind blew out as she couldn't believe what she just heard. Eight letters and 3 words, it was finally said by her first love towards her as this took a while to process but when she finally realized what she heard. She couldn't hide the happiness that her heart was beating.

"So you see, I plan to tell your parents that I love you-"

You were silenced when Hanni pulled your collar closer to her face as your lips touches hers. Her small peach flavored lips gave you an euphoric sensation that elevated your body to the top. Her lips locking with yours felt like you finally found the missing piece to your puzzle. She pulled away giggling and smiling sweetly at you.

"Oppa-No, Y/N, I love you too. Your my first love hehehe~"

Now that was a surprise but nonetheless you smiled back and cupped her cheeks and kissing her forehead.

"So you have been in love with me for 10 years?"

"Yeah, I do. I sounded desperate huh?"

"No, no you're not. That just adds to your charm."

"Hehehe, Anything to make you love me~"

The two of you shared another kiss but this time, the two were now fully aware that they loved each other and their hearts belonged to each other.

Even though that failed flower fell to the ground, it can become a foundation to bloom a better, stronger tree for flowers to bloom themselves. There is no failure in life, there is only bumps that we need to overcome in order to proceed to the next step. And sometimes, we need our own miss sunshine to guide us.

[earlff]

nós.

250224 – capa teste;

em caso de inspiração, me credite.

[wonie-not-wony]

soften the heart!

pairing. hanni x gn!reader

genre. fluff

warnings. none!

a/n. BLACK CAT HANNI ENTHUSIASTS ARISE ‼️

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ☆★

Sliding the chocolate-flavored pocky across to her side of the table. You observe Hanni completing the provided activity. Even though you are aware that you should be assisting her, you can't help but feel that, well, she doesn't really like you that much. which is a major inconvenience given that you are incredibly smitten with her. So you made the decision to offer the pocky as a peace offering.

 

"Thank you," she said, taking a quick look at the chocolate-flavored treat. "Do you hate me?" you ask abruptly. That shakes her from her thoughts, looking up at you from her work with eyes she can't comprehend.

 

She blinks, "no?" and then blinks again, tilting her head. "Do you hate me?" "huh?" Your brows knit together in confusion as she returns the question to you. "No, I don't." You both just stare at each other, two perplexed and natural frowns on your faces.

 

"So," she says after a good few seconds of complete silence. "You like me?" You let out a little gasp, heat racing to your cheeks as if caught red-handed. "I've never-" "Because I do," she cuts you off, her eyes that had just passed through yours now gazing anywhere else, her own cheeks flushing scarlet, "like you, I mean."

© wonie-not-wony. all rights reserved. please don’t repost, plagiarize and translate.

[hwangalleryy]

new jeans - lacrimosa collection.

➨ QUOD NONEST IN ACTIS NON EST IN MUNDO & LACRIMOSA, ITA EST.

capas inspiradas na temática do EP New Jeans x new jeans / hanni & minji.

status: disponíveis.

[winterrfest]

DEAD TO ME [hanni pham x female!oc]

synopsis(?)- lai is tired of hanni’s games. first she’s all cuddly with her and confesses her love, but the next day she’s out with the same toxic ex cheonsa despises. but it’s all because she’s confused, right? that’s what hanni said. she’s just confused.

warnings- cussing, mentions of drugs and alcohol, drug and alcohol abuse, sad timez, mentions of abuse, self harm/kys jokes, trauma dumping jokes, hanni is a fucking bitchh, angsty angst angst angst, cheating, homophobia, red flag hanni💔

song- dead to me by kali uchis

CHAPTERS…/lai fan club/o.k.h.s.e./others…

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10.

more coming soon…

all dividers used are created by @vg-k

taglist🏷️(open):

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i’ll make a better synopsis later🙏 it’s literally 1am and i’ll start seeing the gates if i don’t sleep😭

🛏️🏃‍♀️💨🛌

[shuxiii]

Everyday

Hanni Pham x reader pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5, pt6, pt7, pt8, pt9, pt10, pt11, pt12, pt13, pt14, pt15, pt16, pt17, pt18

A/n this is based on the novel book "every day" by David Levithan saur credits to him I tots recommend reading the novel itself it's so damn goodies bro like gosh golly lawrd.

synopsis: You, someone who wakes up in a different body every day to live a different life. You spend your days inhabiting a new body and pretending to be the person without changing their personality or life. 

TW: profanities

Day 5994

I wake up.

Immediately I have to figure out who I am. It’s not just

the body—opening my eyes and discovering whether the skin on my arm is light or dark, whether my hair is long or short, whether I’m fat or thin, boy or girl, scarred or smooth. The body is the easiest thing to adjust to if you’re used to waking up in a new one each morning. It’s the life, the context of the body, that can be hard to grasp. Every day I am someone else. I am myself—I know I am myself—but I am also someone else.

It has always been like this. The information is there. I wake up, open my eyes, and understand that it is a new morning, a new place. The biography kicks in, a welcome gift from the not‑me part of the mind. Today I am Kim Minji. Somehow I know this—my name is Minji—and at the same time I know that I’m not really Minji, I’m only borrowing her life for a day. I look around and know that this is her room.

This is her home. The alarm will go off in seven minutes.

I’m never the same person twice, but I’ve certainly been

this type before. Clothes everywhere. Far more video games

than books. Sleeps in her shorts. From the taste of her mouth, a smoker. But not so addicted that she needs one as soon as she wakes up.

“Good morning, Minji,” I say. Checking out her voice. Low. The voice in my head is always different.

Minji doesn’t take care of herself. Her scalp itches. Her eyes don’t want to open. She hasn’t gotten much sleep. Already I know I’m not going to like today. It’s hard being in the body of someone you don’t like, because you still have to respect it. I’ve harmed people’s lives in the past, and I’ve found that every time I slip up, it haunts me.

So I try to be careful. From what I can tell, every person I inhabit is the same age as me. I don’t hop from being nineteen to being ninety. Right now, it’s only nineteen. I don’t know how this works. Or why. I stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago. I’m never going to figure it out, any more than a normal person will figure out his or her own existence. After a while, you have to be at peace with the fact that you simply are. There is no way to know why. You can have theories, but there will never be proof.

I can access facts, not feelings. I know this is Minji’s room, but I have no idea if she likes it or not. Does she want to kill her parents in the next room? Or would she be lost without her mother coming in to make sure she’s awake? It’s impossible to tell. It’s as if that part of me replaces the same part of whatever person I’m in. And while I’m glad to be thinking like myself, a hint every now and then of how the other person thinks would be helpful.

We all contain mysteries, especially when Seen from the inside. The alarm goes off. I reach for a shirt and some jeans, but something lets me see that it’s the same shirt she wore yesterday. I pick a different shirt. I take the clothes with me to the bathroom and dress after showering. Her parents are in the kitchen now. They have no idea that anything is different.

Nineteen years is a lot of time to practice. I don’t usually make mistakes. Not anymore. I read her parents easily: Minji doesn’t talk to them much in the morning, so I don’t have to talk to them. I have grown accustomed to sensing expectations in others, or the lack of them. I shovel down some cereal, leave the bowl in the sink without washing it, grab Minji’s keys, and go.

Yesterday I was a girl in a town I’d guess to be two hours away. The day before, I was a boy in a town three hours farther than that. I am already forgetting their details. I have to, or else I will never remember who I really am.

Minji listens to loud and obnoxious music on a loud and obnoxious station where loud and obnoxious DJs make loud and obnoxious jokes as a way of getting through the morning. This is all I need to know about Minji, really. I access her memory to show me the way to school, which parking space to take, and which locker to go to. The combination. The names of the people she knows in the halls.

Sometimes I can’t go through these motions. I can’t bring myself to go to school and maneuver through the day. I’ll say I’m sick, stay in bed, and read a few books. But even that gets tiresome after a while, and I find myself up for the challenge of a new school, and new friends. For a day.

As I take Minji’s books out of her locker, I can feel someone

hovering on the periphery. I turn, and the girl standing there Is transparent in her emotions—tentative and expectant, nervous and adoring. I don’t have to access Minji to know that this is her girlfriend. No one else would have this reaction to her, so unsteady in her presence. She’s pretty, but she doesn’t see it. She’s hiding behind her hair, happy to see me and unhappy to see me at the same time.

Her name is Hanni. And for a moment—just the slightest beat—I think that, yes, this is the right name for her. I don’t know why. I don’t know her. But it feels right.

This is not Minji’s thought. It’s mine. I try to ignore it. I’m not the person she wants to talk to.

“Hey,” I say, keeping it casual.

“Hey,” she murmurs back.

She’s looking at the floor, at her inked‑in Converse. She’s drawn cities there, skylines around the soles. Something’s happened between her and Minji, and I don’t know what it is. It’s probably not something that Minji even recognized at the time.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

I see the surprise on her face, even as she tries to cover it. This is not something that Minji normally asks. And the strange thing is: I want to know the answer. The fact that she wouldn’t care makes me want it more.

“Sure,” she says, not sounding sure at all.

I find it hard to look at her. I know from experience that beneath every peripheral girl is a central truth. She’s hiding hers away, but at the same time, she wants me to see it. That is, she wants Minji to see it. And it’s there, just out of my reach. A sound waiting to be a word.

She is so lost in her sadness that she has no idea how visible it is. I think I understand her—for a moment, I presume to understand her—but then, from within this sadness, she surprises me with a brief flash of determination. Bravery, even. Shifting her gaze away from the floor, her eyes matching mine,

she asks, “Are you mad at me?”

I can’t think of any reason to be mad at her. If anything, I am mad at Minji, for making her feel so diminished. It’s there in her body language. When she is around her, she makes herself small.

“No,” I say. “I’m not mad at you at all.”

I tell her what she wants to hear, but she doesn’t trust it. I feed her the right words, but she suspects they’re threaded with hooks.

This is not my problem; I know that. I am here for one day. I cannot solve anyone’s girlfriend problems. I should not change anyone’s life.

I turn away from her, get my books out, and close the locker.

She stays in the same spot, anchored by the profound, desperate loneliness of a bad relationship.

“Do you still want to get lunch today?” she asks.

The easy thing would be to say no. I often do this: sense the other person’s life drawing me in and run in the other direction. But there’s something about her—the cities on her shoes, the flash of bravery, the unnecessary sadness—that makes me want to know what the word will be when it stops being a sound.

I have spent years meeting people without ever knowing them, and on this morning, in this place, with this girl, I feel the faintest pull of wanting to know. And in a moment of either weakness or bravery on my own part, I decide to follow it. I decided to find out more.

“Absolutely,” I say. “Lunch would be great.”

Again, I read her: What I’ve said is too enthusiastic. Minji is never enthusiastic.

“No big deal,” I add.

She’s relieved. Or, at least, as relieved as she’ll allow herself to be, which is a very guarded form of relief. By accessing, I know she and Minji have been together for over a year.

That’s as specific as it gets. Minji doesn’t remember the exact date.

She reaches out and takes my hand. I am surprised by how good this feels.

“I’m glad you’re not mad at me,” she says. “I just want everything to be okay.”

I nod. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s this: We all want everything to be okay. We don’t even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous or outstanding. We will happily settle for okay, because most of the time, okay is enough.

The first bell rings.

“I’ll see you later,” I say. Such a basic promise. But to Hanni, it means the world.

...

At first, it was hard to go through each day without making any lasting connections, leaving any life-​­changing effects. When I was younger, I craved friendship and closeness. I would make bonds without acknowledging how quickly and permanently they would break. I took other people’s lives personally. I felt their friends could be my friends, and their parents could be my parents. But after a while, I had to stop. It was too heartbreaking to live with so many separations.

I am a drifter, and as lonely as that can be, it is also remarkably freeing. I will never define myself in terms of anyone else. I will never feel the pressure of peers or the burden of parental expectations. I can view everyone as pieces of a whole, and focus on the whole, not the pieces. I have learned how to observe, far better than most people observe. I am not blinded by the past or motivated by the future. I focus on the present because that is where I am destined to live.

I learn. Sometimes I am taught something I have already been taught in dozens of other classrooms. Sometimes I am taught something completely new. I have to access the body, access the mind and see what information it’s retained. And when I do, I learn. Knowledge is the only thing I take with me when I go.

I know so many things that Minji doesn’t know, that she will never know. I sit there in her math class, open her notebook, and write down phrases she has never heard. Shakespeare and Kerouac and Dickinson. Tomorrow, or someday after tomorrow, or never, she will see these words in her own handwriting and she won’t have any idea where they came from, or even what they are.

That is as much interference as I allow myself. Everything else must be done cleanly. Hanni stays with me. Her details. Flickers from Minji’s memories. Small things, like the way her hair falls, the way she bites her fingernails, the determination and resignation in her voice. Random things. I see her dancing with Minji’s grandfather, because he’s said he wants a dance with a pretty girl. I see her covering her eyes during a scary movie, peering between her fingers, and enjoying her fright. These are the good memories. I don’t look at any others.

I only see her once in the morning, a brief passing in the halls between first and second period. I find myself smiling when she comes near, and she smiles back. It’s as simple as that. Simple and complicated, as most true things are. I find myself looking for her after second period, and then again after third and fourth. I don’t even feel in control of this. I want to see her. Simple. Complicated.

By the time we get to lunch, I am exhausted. Minji’s body is worn down from too little sleep and I, inside of it, am worn down from restlessness and too much thought.

I wait for her at Minji’s locker. The first bell rings. The second bell rings. No Hanni. Maybe I was supposed to meet her somewhere else. Maybe Minji’s forgotten where they always meet.

If that’s the case, she’s used to Minji forgetting. She finds me right when I’m about to give up. The halls are nearly empty, the cattle call has passed. She comes closer than she did before.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey,” she says.

She is looking to me. Minji is the one who makes the first move. Minji is the one who figures things out. Minji is the one who says what they’re going to do.

It depresses me. I have seen this too many times before. The unwarranted devotion. Putting up with the fear of being with the wrong person because you can’t deal with the fear of being alone. The hope tinged with doubt, and the doubt tinged with hope. Every time I see these feelings in someone else’s face, it weighs me down. And there’s something in Hanni’s face that’s more than just the disappointments. There is a gentleness there. A gentleness that Minji will never, ever appreciate. I see it right away, but nobody else does.

I take all my books and put them in the locker. I walk over to her and put my hand lightly on her arm. I have no idea what I’m doing. I only know that I’m doing it.

“Let’s go somewhere,” I say. “Where do you want to go?” I am close enough now to see that her eyes are brown. I am close enough now to see that nobody ever gets close enough to see how brown her eyes are.

“I don’t know,” she replies.

I take her hand.

“Come on,” I tell her.

This is no longer restlessness—it’s recklessness. At first, we’re walking hand in hand. Then we’re running hand in hand. That giddy rush of keeping up with one another, of zooming through the school, reducing everything that’s not us into an inconsequential blur. We are laughing, we are playful.

We leave her books in her locker and move out of the building, into the air, the real air, the sunshine and the trees and the less burdensome world. I am breaking the rules as I leave the school. I am breaking the rules as we get into Minji’s car. I am breaking the rules as I turn the key in the ignition.

“Where do you want to go?” I ask again. “Tell me, truly, where you’d love to go.”

I don’t initially realize how much hinges on her answer. If she says, Let’s go to the mall, I will disconnect. If she says, Take me back to your house, I will disconnect. If she says, Actually, I don’t want to miss sixth period, I will disconnect. And I should disconnect. I should not be doing this.

But she says, “I want to go to the ocean. I want you to take me to the ocean.”

And I feel myself connecting.

It takes us an hour to get there. It’s late September in Maryland. The leaves haven’t begun to change, but you can tell they’re starting to think about it. The greens are muted, and faded. Color is right around the corner.

I give Hanni control of the radio. She’s surprised by this, but I don’t care. I’ve had enough of the loud and the obnoxious, and I sense that she’s had enough of it, too. She brings melody to the car. A song comes on that I know, and I sing along.

And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God...Now Hanni goes from surprised to suspicious. Minji never sings along.

“What’s gotten into you?” she asks.

“Music,” I tell her.

“Ha.”

“No, really.”

She looks at me for a long time. Then smiles.

“In that case,” she says, flipping the dial to find the next song.

Soon we are singing at the top of our lungs. A pop song that’s as substantial as a balloon, but lifts us in the same way when we sing it.

It’s as if time itself relaxes around us. She stops thinking about how unusual it is. She lets herself be a part of it.

I want to give her a good day. Just one good day. I have wandered for so long without any sense of purpose, and now this ephemeral purpose has been given to me—it feels like it has been given to me. I only have a day to give—so why can’t it be a good one? Why can’t it be a shared one? Why can’t I take the music of the moment and see how long it can last?

The rules are erasable. I can take this. I can give this.

When the song is over, she rolls down her window and trails her hand in the air, introducing a new music into the car.

I roll down all the other windows and drive faster, so the wind takes over, blows our hair all around, and makes it seem like the car has disappeared and we are the velocity, we are the speed.

Then another good song comes on and I enclose us again, this time taking her hand. I drive like that for miles, and ask her questions. Like how her parents are doing. What it’s like now that her sister’s off at college. If she thinks school is different at all this year.

It’s hard for her. Every single answer starts with the phrase I don’t know. But most of the time she does know, if I give her the time and the space in which to answer. Her mother means well; her father less so. Her sister isn’t calling home, but Hanni can understand that. School is school—she wants it to be over, but she’s afraid of it being over, because then she’ll have to figure out what comes next.

She asks me what I think, and I tell her, “Honestly, I’m just trying to live day to day.”

It isn’t enough, but it’s something. We watch the trees, the sky, the signs, the road. We sense each other. The world, right now, is only us. We continue to sing along. And we sing with the same abandon, not worrying too much if our voices hit the right notes or the right words. We look at each other while we’re singing; these aren’t two solos, this is a duet that isn’t taking itself at all seriously.

It is its own form of conversation—you can learn a lot about people from the stories they tell, but you can also know them from the way they sing along, whether they like the windows up or down, if they live by the map or by the world, if they feel the pull of the ocean.

She tells me where to drive. Off the highway. The empty back roads. This isn’t summer; this isn’t a weekend. It’s the middle of a Monday, and nobody but us is going to the beach.

“I should be in English class,” Hanni says.

“I should be in bio,” I say, accessing Minji’s schedule.

We keep going. When I first saw her, she seemed to be balancing on edges and points. Now the ground is more even, welcoming.

I know this is dangerous. Minji is not good to her. I recognize that. If I access the bad memories, I see tears, fights, and remnants of passable togetherness. She is always there for her, and she must like that. Her friends like her, and she must like that, too.

But that’s not the same as love. She has been hanging on to the hope of her for so long that she doesn’t realize there isn’t anything left to hope for. They don’t have silence together; they have noise.

Mostly her. If I tried, I could go deep into their arguments. I could track down whatever shards she’s collected from all the times she’s destroyed her. If I were really Minji, I would find something wrong with her. Right now. Tell her. Yell. Bring her down. Put her in her place. But I can’t. I’m not Minji. Even if she doesn’t know it.

“Let’s just enjoy ourselves,” I say.

“Okay,” she replies. “I like that. I spend so much time thinking about running away—it’s nice to actually do it. For a day. It’s good to be on the other side of the window. I don’t do this enough.”

There are so many things inside of her that I want to know. And at the same time, with every word we speak, I feel there may be something inside of her that I already know. When I get there, we will recognize each other. We will have that.

I park the car and we head to the ocean. We take off our shoes and leave them under our seats. When we get to the sand, I lean over to roll up my jeans. While I do, Hanni runs ahead. When I look back up, she is spinning around the beach, kicking up sand, calling my name. Everything, at that moment, is lightness. She is so joyful, I can’t help but stop for a second and watch. Witness. Tell myself to remember.

“C’mon!” she cries. “Get over here!”

I’m not who you think I am, I want to tell her. But there’s no way. Of course, there’s no way.

We have the beach to ourselves, the ocean to ourselves. I have her to myself. She has me to herself.

There is a part of childhood that is childish, and a part that is sacred. Suddenly we are touching the sacred part—running to the shoreline, feeling the first cold burst of water on our ankles, reaching into the tide to catch at shells before they ebb away from our fingers.

We have returned to a world that is capable of glistening, and we are wading deeper within it. We stretch our arms wide as if we are embracing the wind. She splashes me mischievously and I mount a counterattack. Our pants, our shirts get wet, but we don’t care.

She asks me to help her build a sand castle, and as I do, she tells me about how she and her sister would never work on sand castles together—it was always a competition, with her sister going for the highest possible mountains while Hanni paid attention to detail, wanting each castle to be the dollhouse she was never allowed to have. I see echoes of this detail now as she makes turrets bloom from her cupped hands.

I myself have no memories of sand castles, but there must be some sense memory attached, because I feel I know how to do this, how to shape this.

When we are done, we walk back down to the water to wash off our hands. I look back and see the way our footsteps intermingle to form a single path.

“What is it?” she asks, seeing me glance backward, seeing something in my expression.

How can I explain this? The only way I know is to say

“Thank you.”

She looks at me as if she’s never heard the phrase before.

“For what?” she asks.

“For this,” I say. “For all of it.”

This escape. The water. The waves. Her. It feels like we’ve stepped outside of time. Even though there is no such place.

There’s still a part of her that’s waiting for the twist, the moment when all of this pleasure will jackknife into pain.

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “It’s okay to be happy.”

The tears come to her eyes. I take her in my arms. It’s the wrong thing to do. But it’s the right thing to do. I have to listen to my own words. Happiness is so rarely a part of my vocabulary, because for me it’s so fleeting.

“I’m happy,” she says. “Really, I am.”

Minji would be laughing at her. Minji would be pushing her down into the sand, to do whatever she wanted to do. Minji would never have come here.

I am tired of not feeling. I am tired of not connecting. I want to be here with her. I want to be the one who lives up to her hopes, if only for the time I’m given.

The ocean makes its music; the wind does its dance. We hold on. At first we hold on to one another, but then it starts to feel like we are holding on to something even bigger than that. Greater.

“What’s happening?” Hanni asks.

“Shhh,” I say. “Don’t question it.”

She kisses me. I have not kissed anyone in years. I have not allowed myself to kiss anyone for years. Her lips are soft as flower petals, but with an intensity behind them. I take it slow, let each moment pour into the next. Feel her skin, her breath.

Taste the condensation of our contact, linger in the heat of it.

Her eyes are closed and mine are open. I want to remember this as more than a single sensation. I want to remember this whole.

We do nothing more than kiss. We do nothing less than kiss. At times, she moves to take it further, but I don’t need that. I trace her shoulders as she traces my back. I kiss her neck. She kisses beneath my ear. The times we stop, we smile at each other. Giddy disbelief, giddy belief. She should be in English class. I should be in bio. We weren’t supposed to come anywhere near the ocean today. We have defied the day as it was set out for us.

We walk hand in hand down the beach as the sun dips in the sky. I am not thinking about the past. I am not thinking about the future. I am full of such gratitude for the sun, the water, the way my feet sink into the sand, the way my hand feels holding hers.

“We should do this every Monday,” she says. “And Tuesday. And Wednesday. And Thursday. And Friday.”

“We’d only get tired of it,” I tell her. “It’s best to have it just once.”

“Never again?” She doesn’t like the sound of that.

“Well, never say never.”

“I’d never say never,” she tells me.

There are a few more people on the beach now, mostly older men and women taking an afternoon walk. They nod to us as we pass, and sometimes they say hello. We nod back, return their hellos. Nobody questions why we’re here. Nobody questions anything. We’re just a part of the moment, like everything else.

The sun falls farther. The temperature drops alongside it.

Hanni shivers, so I stop holding her hand and put my arm around her. She suggests we go back to the car and get the “make-​­out blanket” from the trunk. We find it there, buried under empty beer bottles, twisted jumper cables, and other crap. I wonder how often Hanni and Minji have used the make-​­out blanket for that purpose, but I don’t try to access the memories.

Instead, I bring the blanket back out onto the beach and put it down for both of us. I lie down and face the sky, and Hanni lies down next to me and does the same.

We stare at the clouds, breathing distance from one another, taking it all in.

“This has to be one of the best days ever,” Hanni says. Without turning my head, I find her hand with my hand.

“Tell me about some of the other days like this,” I ask.

“I don’t know...”

“Just one. The first one that comes to mind.”

Hanni thinks about it for a second. Then she shakes her head. “It’s stupid.”

“Tell me.”

She turns to me and moves her hand to my chest. Makes lazy circles there. “For some reason, the first thing that comes to mind is this mother-​­daughter fashion show. Do you promise you won’t laugh?”

I promise.

She studies me. Makes sure I’m sincere. Continues.

“It was in fourth grade or something. Eric’s was doing a fundraiser for hurricane victims, and they asked for volunteers from our class. I didn’t ask my mother or anything—I just signed up. And when I brought the information home—well, you know how my mom is. She was terrified. It’s hard enough to get her out to the supermarket. But a fashion show? In front of strangers? I might as well have asked her to pose for Playboy. God, now there’s a scary thought.”

Her hand is now resting on my chest. She’s looking off to the sky.

“But here’s the thing: she didn’t say no. I guess it’s only now that I realize what I put her through. She didn’t make me go to the teacher and take it back. No, when the day came, we drove over to Eric’s and went where they told us to go. I had thought they would put us in matching outfits, but it wasn’t like that. Instead, they basically told us we could wear whatever we wanted from the store. So there we were, trying all these things on. I went for the gowns, of course—I was so much more of a girl then. I ended up with this light blue dress with ruffles all over the place. I thought it was so sophisticated.”

“I’m sure it was classy,” I say.

She hits me. “Shut up. Let me tell my story.”

I hold her hand on my chest. Lean over and kiss her quickly.

“Go ahead,” I say. I am loving this. I never have people tell me their stories. I usually have to figure them out myself.

Because I know that if people tell me stories, they will expect them to be remembered. And I cannot guarantee that. There is no way to know if the stories stay after I’m gone. And how

devastating would it be to confide in someone and have the confidence disappear? I don’t want to be responsible for that.

But with Hanni I can’t resist.

She continues. “So I had my wanna-be prom dress. And then it was Mom’s turn. She surprised me, because she went for the dresses, too. I’d never really seen her all dressed up before. And I think that was the most amazing thing to me: It wasn’t me who was Cinderella. It was her. “After we picked out our clothes, they put makeup on us and everything. I thought Mom was going to flip, but she was actually enjoying it. They didn’t really do much with her—just a little more color. And that was all it took. She was pretty. I know it’s hard to believe, knowing her now. But that day, she was like a movie star. All the other moms were complimenting her. And when it was time for the actual show, we paraded out there and people applauded. Mom and I were both smiling, and it was real, you know?

“We didn’t get to keep the dresses or anything. But I remember on the ride home, Mom kept saying how great I was. When we got back to our house, Dad looked at us like we were aliens, but the cool thing is, he decided to play along. Instead of getting all weird, he kept calling us his supermodels, and asked us to do the show for him in our living room, which we did. We were laughing so much. And that was it. The day ended. I’m not sure Mom’s worn makeup since. And it’s not like I turned out to be a supermodel. But that day reminds me of this one. Because it was a break from everything, wasn’t it?”

“It sounds like it,” I tell her.

“I can’t believe I just told you that.”

“Why?”

“Because. I don’t know. It just sounds so silly.”

“No, it sounds like a good day.

“How about you?” she asks.

“I was never in a mother-​­daughter fashion show,” I joke.

Even though, as a matter of fact, I’ve been in a few.

She hits me lightly on the shoulder. “No. Tell me about another day like this one.”

I access Hanni and find out she moved to town when he was twelve. So anything before that is fair game, because Hanni won’t have been there. I could try to find one of Minji’s memories to share, but I don’t want to do that. I want to give Hanni something of my own.

“There was this one day when I was eleven.” I try to remember the name of the boy whose body I was in, but it’s lost to me. “I was playing hide-​­and-​­seek with my friends. I mean, the brutal, tackle kind of hide-​­and-​­seek. We were in the woods, and for some reason I decided that what I had to do was climb a tree. I don’t think I’d ever climbed a tree before. But I found one with some low branches and just started moving. Up and up. It was as natural as walking. In my memory, that tree was hundreds of feet tall. Thousands. At some point, I crossed the tree line. I was still climbing, but there weren’t any other trees around. I was all by myself, clinging to the trunk of this tree, a long way from the ground.”

I can see shimmers of it now. The height. The town below me.

“It was magical,” I say. “There’s no other word to describe it. I could hear my friends yelling as they were caught, as the game played out. But I was in a completely different place.

I was seeing the world from above, which is an extraordinary thing when it happens for the first time. I’d never flown in a plane. I’m not even sure I’d been in a tall building. So there I was, hovering above everything I knew. I had made it somewhere special, and I’d gotten there all on my own. Nobody had given it to me. Nobody had told me to do it. I’d climbed and climbed and climbed, and this was my reward. To watch over the world, and to be alone with myself. That, I found, was what I needed.”

Hanni leans into me. “That’s amazing,” she whispers.

“Yeah, it was.”

“And it was in Minnesota?”

In truth, it was in North Carolina. But I access Minji and find that, yes, for her it would’ve been Minnesota. So I nod.

“You want to know another day like this one?” Hanni asks, curling closer. I adjust my arm, making us both comfortable. “Sure.”

“Our second date.”

But this is only our first, I think. Ridiculously.

“Really?” I ask.

“Remember?”

I check to see if Minji remembers their second date. She doesn’t.

“Dack’s party?” she prompts.

Still nothing.

“Yeah...,” I hedge.

“I don’t know—maybe it doesn’t count as a date. But it was the second time we hooked up. And, I don’t know, you were just so . . . sweet about it. Don’t get mad, alright?”

I wonder where this is going.

“I promise, nothing could make me mad right now,” I tell her. I even cross my heart to prove it.

She smiles. “Okay. Well, lately—it’s like you’re always in a rush. Like, we have make-outs but we’re not really...intimate. And I don’t mind. I mean, it’s fun. But every now and then, it’s good to have it be like this. And at Dack’s party—it was like this. Like you had all the time in the world, and you wanted us to have it together. I loved that. It was back when you were really looking at me. It was like—well, it was like you’d climbed up that tree and found me there at the top. And we had that together. Even though we were in someone’s backyard. At one point—do you remember?—you made me move over a little so I’d be in the moonlight. ‘It makes your skin glow,’ you said. And I felt like that. Glowing. Because you were watching me, along with the moon.”

Does she realize that right now she’s lit by the warm orange spreading from the horizon, as not-​­quite-​­day becomes not-​­quite-​­night? I lean over and become that shadow. I kiss her once, then we drift into each other, close our eyes, drift into sleep. And as we drift into sleep, I feel something I’ve never felt before. A closeness that isn’t merely physical. A connection that defies the fact that we’ve only just met. A sensation that can only come from the most euphoric of feelings: belonging.

What is it about the moment you fall in love? How can such a small measure of time contain such enormity? I suddenly realize why people believe in déjà vu, why people believe they’ve lived past lives, because there is no way the years I’ve spent

on this earth could possibly encapsulate what I’m feeling. The moment you fall in love feels like it has centuries behind it, generations—all of them rearranging themselves so that this precise, remarkable intersection could happen. In your heart, in your bones, no matter how silly you know it is, you feel that everything has been leading to this, all the secret arrows were pointing here, the universe and time itself crafted this long ago, and you are just now realizing it, you are just now arriving at the place you were always meant to be.

We woke an hour later to the sound of her phone. I keep my eyes closed. Hear her groan. Hear her tell her mother she’ll be home soon.

The water has gone deep black and the sky has gone ink blue. The chill in the air presses harder against us as we pick up the blanket, providing a new set of footprints. She navigates, I drive. She talks, I listen. We sing some more. Then she leans into my shoulder and I let her stay there and sleep for a little longer, dream for a little longer.

I am trying not to think of what will happen next.

I am trying not to think of endings.

I never get to see people while they’re asleep. Not like this.

She is the opposite of when I first met her. Her vulnerability is open, but she’s safe within it. I watch the rise and fall of her, the stir and rest of her. I only wake her when I need her to tell me where to go.

The last ten minutes, she talks about what we’re going to do tomorrow. I find it hard to respond.

“Even if we can’t do this, I’ll see you at lunch?” she asks.

I nod.

“And maybe we can do something after school?”

“I think so. I mean, I’m not sure what else is going on. My mind isn’t really there right now.”

This makes sense to her. “Fair enough. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Let’s end today on a nice note.”

Once we get to town, I can access the directions to her house without having to ask her. But I want to get lost anyway.

To prolong this. To escape this.

“Here we are,” Hanni says as we approach her driveway. I pull the car to a stop. I unlock the doors. She leans over and kisses me. My senses are alive with the taste of her, the smell of her, the feel of her, the sound of her breathing, and the sight of her as she pulls her body away from mine.

“That’s the nice note,” she says. And before I can say anything else, she’s out the door and gone.

I don’t get a chance to say goodbye.

I guess, correctly, that Hanni’s parents are used to her being out of touch and missing dinner. They try to yell at her, but you can tell that everyone’s going through the motions, and when Minji storms off to her room, it’s just the latest rerun of an old show.

I should be doing Minji’s homework—I’m always pretty conscientious about that kind of thing, if I’m able to do it—but my mind keeps drifting to Hanni. Imagining her at home. Imagining her floating from the grace of the day. Imagining her believing that things are different, that Minji has somehow changed.

I shouldn’t have done it. I know I shouldn’t have done it. Even if it felt like the universe was telling me to do it. I agonize over it for hours. I can’t take it back. I can’t make it go away.

I fell in love once, or at least until today, I thought I had. Her name was Danielle, and it felt so real, even if it was mostly words. Intense, heartfelt words. I stupidly let myself think of a possible future with her. But there was no future. I tried to navigate it, but I couldn’t.

That was easy compared to this. It’s one thing to fall in love. It’s another to feel someone else falling in love with you, and to feel a responsibility toward that love.

There is no way for me to stay in this body. If I don’t go to sleep, the shift will happen anyway. I used to think that if I stayed up all night, I’d get to remain where I was. But instead, I was ripped from the body I was in. And the ripping felt exactly like what you would imagine being ripped from a body would feel like, with every single nerve experiencing the pain of the break, and then the pain of being fused into someone new.

From then on, I went to sleep every night. There was no use fighting it. I realize I have to call her. Her number’s right there in her phone. I can’t let her think tomorrow is going to be like today.

“Hey!” she answers.

“Hey,” I say.

“Thank you again for today.”

“Yeah.”

I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to ruin it. But I have to, don’t I?

I continue, “But about today?”

“Are you going to tell me that we can’t cut class every day? That’s not like you.”

Not like me.

“Yeah,” I say, “but, you know, I don’t want you to think every day is going to be like today. Because they’re not going to be, alright? They can’t be.”

There’s a silence. She knows something’s wrong.

“I know that,” she says carefully. “But maybe things can still be better. I know they can be.”

“I don’t know,” I tell her. “That’s all I wanted to say. I don’t know. Today was something, but it’s not, like, everything.”

“I know that.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

I sigh. There’s always a chance that, in some way, I will have brushed off on Minji. There’s always a chance that her life will in fact change—that she will change. But I have no way of knowing. It’s rare that I get to see a body after I’ve left it. And even then, it’s usually months or years later. If I recognize it at all. I want Minji to be better to her. But I can’t have her expecting it.

“That’s all,” I tell her. It feels like a Minji thing to say

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you will.”

“Thanks again for today. No matter what trouble we get into tomorrow for it, it was worth it.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you,” she says.

And I want to say it. I want to say I love you, too. Right now, right at this moment, every part of me would mean it. But that will only last for a couple more hours.

“Sleep well,” I tell her. Then I hang up.

There’s a notebook on her desk.

Remember that you love Hanni, I write in her handwriting. I doubt she’ll remember writing it. I go onto her computer. I open up my own email account, then type out her name, her phone number, her email address, as well as Mniji’s email and password. I write about the day. And I send it to myself.

As soon as I’m through, I clear Minji’s history. This is hard for me. I have gotten so used to what I am, and how my life works. I never want to stay. I’m always ready to leave.

But not tonight. Tonight I’m haunted by the fact that tomorrow she’ll be here and I won’t be. I want to stay. I pray to stay. I close my eyes and wish to stay.

[bomchevique]

odeio despedidas

→  “eu odeio despedidas, mas há algo que odeio mil vezes mais que isso.”

→ Leia: spirit; academia de contos; ao3

→ capa por @cottage-coreport

[designxde]

# say it ditto

  ★ capa de teste (doada)   ★ personagens: haerin & hanni (newjeans)   📅 — 11/01/23

[rd0265667]

Hanni x Reader: Like you wouldn't believe

Staring blankly at the heart locket in her hand, Hanni fidgeted a little, pressing the little button, the clasp unlocking with a click You were always so beautiful, She could get lost in your eyes forever. Oh, if only she could.

It was 3 years ago, she still remembers clinging onto your shoulder, nagging you about the journey "Did you take your pills?" She questioned, rummaging around your bag as you chuckled, reaching to the front pocket of your bag "Would you just calm down darling, even if I don't take these pills, I still won't forget you. I could never forget you, my love." You turned to her, ruffling her hair. She puffed her cheeks up, as you chuckled, squeezing her cheeks and laughing. "I've got to go now darling, but I'll text you once I get a signal again, okay? I love you" You whispered into her ear, as she nodded, giggling as she felt your light breath on her neck, before mumbling a soft "I love you too" "Link up?" She took her locket, pulling it up as you chuckled, pulling your half of the locket, merging it to form a heart. "Stay safe!" She shouted out, hugging you before you left. If she knew what would happen, she would have hugged you just a little longer. Hugged you forever.

Resting on her couch, the news flickered on her television, shattering her heart. "A ship has gone down near the Pacific Sea, and while some were able to make it to the life boats, there are a number of passengers who have been missing." Rushing to her computer, She found the list of passengers who were missing and were unable to make it on the lifeboats, her heart sinking. L/N Y/N

Seeing feet shuffle from the corner of her eye, Minji looked at the locket in my hand, a look of sadness and pity on her face, before she took her seat next to Hanni, buckling up as the air steward reminded her of the turbulence. In an obvious bid to get her mind off the locket, Minji pulled out a file of documents, setting it on her collapsible table Inside the file was the information about a songwriter Hybe wanted them to meet, the song writer being in charge of their next song and wanted to meet the girls to better understand how the song writing should be approached Sighing, She pushed the documents away, having read it beforehand, her eyeline finding itself back on the locket, and the person inside it. Even now, her heart still yearns for you.

After dealing with the normal dose of paparazzi, the 5 girls found themselves in the back of the company chartered van, speculating on the mysterious person they were supposed to meet. This person's work had received critical acclaim from many artistes, and NewJeans were the first Korean GG to be able to partner up with them "Hopefully he or she isn't some eccentric billionaire type." Minji chuckled as the 5 girls descended from the van,  the others lightly chuckling before they were let into the studio. The 5 entered a room with papers scattered everywhere, and in the middle of the room, a figure sat, spinning in the chair to face the girls "Hi, NewJeans, it's a pleasure to meet you." The figure got up,  bowing and greeting the girls. While three of the girls bowed, two of them stood in shock Unable to contain herself, Hanni charged at the figure, throwing them into a tearful embrace. "Y/N! Where have you been!" Hanni shouted as you stood, stunned before Hanni was forcibly removed from Y/N "Miss, just because you're an idol doesn't mean you get to touch whoever you want!" She shouted, before turning to you "Are you okay baby?" "I'm fine Jen" Recoiling, Hanni looked in confusion "Y/N, don't you remember me?" She questioned, her heart slowly breaking once again "Who are you?" Y/N asked, slightly breathless from the shock Feeling short of breath, Hanni grabbed her chest, her hand finding the locket which had what seemed like the last thing that was of her Y/N. "Wait, that!" Jennifer exclaimed, reaching into a drawer at the table, pulling out the other side of the locket, Hanni's eyes flaring open. "That's it! That's the other side of the locket, see!" Hanni ran up, connecting the 2 sides together, unclasping the lockets, expecting to see the joined photo that she and Y/N had split up for the locket. Instead, where there was supposed to be her picture, a picture of the girl Y/N was with instead. That same girl approached Hanni, looking at her with a look of understanding now. "You knew Y/N before the incident?" She asked, Hanni nodding as Minji ran up to comfort her. She then lead Minji and Hanni out into the empty hallway, as she introduced herself as Jennifer, or Yunjin if they preferred her Korean name, then explained what happened.

Jennifer was out at a nearby river, fishing when a small glint by the river caught her eye, and as Jennifer rowed over, she was shocked to find someone unconscious, hunched over a piece of debris as the waters buoyed the debris, waves dictating the movement. In shock, Jennifer quickly pulled the unconscious body onto her boat, rowing back to her house, where her mom, who just was a doctor, did preliminary checks on the body. After doing checks on the body, other than a concussion, no other major injuries had been sustained. You eventually came to consciousness, awaking in the small hospital ran by Jennifer's mom, the only hospital in the small town she lived in. You introduced yourself as Y/N, and thought that it was 2016. After checking the things you had on you, a locket with a picture ruined by the waters, and a bottle of pills., they did some checking, After some testing, Jennifer's mom determined that it was dementia pills, and that the concussion added with the early onset dementia resulted in memory loss, that would most likely be permanent(I know this isn't how Amnesia and Dementia interacts, but it's for the sake of the story)

Hearing that, Hanni fell backwards, Minji narrowly saving her from hitting the ground. 2016. Two years before you and Hanni got together. You meeting her. You forgot loving her. You forgot her. Her last promise to you. She forgot it.

As Hanni stood stunned in disbelief, Minji and Jennifer had to go back to official talk, agreeing to still continue the collaboration, Jennifer wanting Hanni to spend some time with you too. Even though she was your girlfriend, she didn't think it was her place to stop you from getting your memories back.

The meal was awkward, to say the least. Minji had explained the situation to the other 3 girls, and now, the 7 of them sat at the table together. Sensing the tension at the table, and the conflicted look on Hanni's face, Jennifer began serving up food to the NewJeans members and Y/N, setting a special side of Avocados for Y/N "Y/N doesn't like avacados." Hanni said, voice dripping with jealousy, and a little despair. "I do...Maybe the person you knew didn't like them, but I do." You said, Jennifer recoiling slightly at the harsh tone she had never heard you use before. Hanni stared at you lifelessly, before running out, tears dripping as Minji excused herself, going to comfort her friend. Frustrated, you buried your face in your hands. You hated this feeling. Slamming your fists on the table, you left, Jennifer chasing after you as the 3 girls were left sitting at the table, unsure of what to do.

"Y/N, why are you acting like this!" Jennifer questioned, looking slightly disappointed as you crossed your arms, your stern demeanour not dissipating. "You know I don't like thinking about the past, and now you're keeping someone here who's going to make me think of it 24/7, without even asking me first." You shot back, Jennifer pursing her lips together before walking to you, lightly holding your hand "Put yourself in her shoes Y/N. What if I disappear one day, and you thought I was dead for 3 years, only to discover that I was alive all that time, but I didn't remember you anymore and didn't want anything to do with you. How would you feel..." You hung your head, she was right, you hadn't considered how difficult this must be for Hanni. "I'll do what I can."

"Hanni, are you okay?" Minji shouted frantically as she raced through the studio, trying to find Hanni, only to find the Vietnamese girl burying her fist into a wall, screaming and crying as the wall felt merely a fraction of the hurt Hanni was feeling, her bloody knuckles colliding with the drywall, staining the white walls. "It's broke! Broken! A promise I spent the last 3 years believing. BROKEN!" Hanni screamed, unleashing another flurry of punches into the wall before falling to the side from exhaustion, her tears staining the ground she laid upon as Minji looked, the fact that her friend was in pain and she couldn't do anything about it was eating her up inside. She wanted so badly to help Hanni forget this pain she was feeling, forget how much it all hurt, but how? She got her love back, only to lose her love all over again. Minji wanted to tell Hanni that it was all going to be okay, that it wouldn't hurt so much, but Hanni had been lied to too many times. This would just be the latest in a long string of heartbreaking lies. As Minji helped Hanni up from the ground, Jennifer ran over, hearing the commotion, calling out for you to get the first aid kit.

"Are you okay?" You asked, lightly applying ointment to Hanni's knuckles, the idol gritting her teeth in pain "What do you care." She muttered out, her voice now monotonous. "I'm sorry, Ms Pham." You muttered out, cursing yourself the moment you said it, aware of the hurt it caused Hanni, noticing the void in her eyes as you applied the dressing over her wound. "Save it." She said icily, the only way she could talk without breaking down again. As you secured the dressing, she stood up, her left shoulder colliding into you as she left. From the back of the room, Jennifer came out, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. "Ms Pham? It's like you want to break her heart..." Still lightly peeved from the bump earlier, you rolled your eyes "You're forgetting that I don't know her! I might be her former lover, but to me, she's just Miss Pham. Pham Hanni of NewJeans. Nothing more than a business acquaintance. Nobody." You grumbled out, Jennifer sighing before tensing up, noticing a shadow at the door that bolted away just moments after. This was going to be tough. "Aish, just try, for her sake alright? We have a recording session in 3 hours." Jennifer said, patting your back as you packed up the first-aid kit

"So I whipped up some demos for you guys based on the music I've heard from you guys recently, have a listen."  You explained, before turning the speakers on. Jennifer was sitting at your side, helping you with the inputs, and the NewJeans girls were sitting behind you two As the music played on, you couldn't help but look with a twinge of guilt at Hanni. From the few videos you had watched of her, she was usually a pretty bubbly and cheerful girl, so seeing her so lifeless and sad, especially because you were the cause of it, wasn't a great feeling. Behind you, Hanni sat at her seat, devoid of emotion, despite her rather pivotal role when it came to NewJean's discography, her mind was blank. Nobody. Nobody. That's all she was to you now. Nobody. She lowered her head once again, before something caught her eye, as she pulled a tissue out, extending it to you. Just before you could ask Hanni what that was for, you let out a sneeze, grabbing the tissue from Hanni's hand before uttering a thanks "How did you-" "Your right ear twitches before you sneeze." Hanni explained, averting her gaze from you once again "Wow, I didn't even know about that." You exclaimed, a little surprised that Hanni could notice something so minor "Yeah, not bad for a nobody huh?" Hanni shot back, your face lowering as you realised she had heard what you had said previously "Let's focus on the music, shall we?" Sensing the tension, Minji stepped in, trying to prevent another incident. You nodded, turning back to the computer as you felt Hanni's eyes on you, not knowing just how much longing and hurt hid behind her emotionless eyes

After the music session, the 5 girls headed back to the hotel, Haerin whispering to Danielle in the back of the van, Minji holding Hyein as she rested, all eyes on the heartbroken girl in front of them. Even as she slept, Hanni was plagued with a nightmare. A nightmare that was so real. Maybe because it was. Because the moment Hanni lost you all over again kept replaying in her head. She didn't have you back for more a minute, before cruel fate ripped you out of her arms once again.

Hanni knew it was a bad idea. She knew that it was just going to hurt going back to the studio early, by herself. But like a moth to a flame, no matter how badly it hurt her, she so desperately wanted to see you again. So, 2 hours before her group mates were supposed to leave the hotel, she left on her own, travelling to the studio. Walking into the studio, Hanni froze, her mind travelling back to the happy times she used to have with you, as your melodious laugh filled the studio. Hanni missed that laugh so much. She would watch your videos together when she was sad, when she was missing you, and watched the way you and her used to have fun, the way you would laugh out in joy and ecstasy when you beat her in a video game. But a video recording couldn't capture the way you made Hanni's soul feel a little better when you laughed, how you would make her happy when she didn't think she could be happy anymore. Hiding behind the pillar, Hanni peeked around it, seeing you tumbling around with Jennifer, your hair a mess as the two of you played around, jumping from place to place, side to side, giggling as she landed on top of you, tickling you as the two of you laughed, smiling and screaming. From behind the pillar, Hanni found herself smiling too. You were happy, Hanni missed seeing you happy.

Noticing the new shadow in the studio, Jennifer quickly got up from on top of you, awkwardly smiling to Hanni, "Hey Hanni, anything wrong?" Hanni smiled back, a happy look you hadn't seen since you met her two days ago. "Nope. Nothing at all"

The week went by in a flash. You and Jennifer produced about 3 songs for NewJean's new comeback, and you found yourself having pretty good chemistry with Hanni, working together well and bouncing off of each others ideas. Hanni was back to how you saw her on those variety shows, happy and energetic, messing around with her members in the studio and being an overall funny person. It was fun. The day that NewJeans headed to the airport to head back to Korea, you and Jennifer travelled to send them off. As you waved goodbye to them, you signalled to Hanni to wait a little, before turning to Jennifer, lightly grabbing her hand and squeezing it. "Could you wait in the car?" You asked, Jennifer getting a little nervous as she looked at you in confusion "I'll be with you in a bit. There's just something I have to do."

"What did you want to talk about?" Hanni asked as the two of you leaned on the railings to the departure hall. "I just wanted to apologise for the way I acted when you first got here, and say that I'm sorry I'm not the person you want me to be." You explained, looking up as Hanni turned over to look at you. "No, it was my fault, I shouldn't have acted as if you owed me your old self, and don't apologise. You might not be the person I fell in love with, but who you are isn't so bad either. Besides, I'm glad you're happy with Jennifer, she really loves you" Smiling, the two of you exchanged glances, before Hanni checked her phone, Minji rushing her to get in. "I've gotta get going. See you around" Hanni said, pulling her luggage along with her as she turned toward the hall, as you said goodbye, turning to move to the car. As Hanni walked slowly, she halted in her tracks once more as she heard your voice travel over to her. "I bet we were fun." You said, tears dripping down Hanni's face as a bittersweet smile adorned her face, reminiscing on all the happy moments she had with you. "Oh, like you wouldn't believe."

[kopilot-pop]

[New Jeans x Oldest Member! Reader] - #1

-imagine.

Summary: You’re the oldest member in NJ. With that title comes alot of responsibilities, from being the support beam for your (not so official) leader to protecting your maknae from rude interviewers. (This is just a bunch of moments of a very protective/warm Y/n.)

Warnings: sickness, fighting(?), protectiveness, cursing, rude people, etc.

A/N: Hey, it’s been a while. So sorry for disappearing for like… 20 days..? I’m back with another NJ fic because alot of people liked the bodyguard one haha. It’s mostly platonic love from Y/n btw. Oh, and lil background info; Y/n's is a 03(a year older than Hanni/Minji) and used to be a dancer before being casted by Hybe.

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#1

“What do you mean she has to come?!”

‘Oh god..’

Minji is furious to say the least.

You’re currently holding a sick Haerin in your arms, rocking her back and forth. The poor girl has been feeling off for a few days at this point and on the day of an important performance, her fever had become unbearable.

Last night, Minji woke up to Haerin crying in pain and woke you up in a panic. Since then, 3 hours has passed and the girl’s fever doesn’t seem to want to go down. Minji quickly went to call the manager to adjust the schedule while you decided to keep watch on Haerin.

“She can’t even stand straight oppa! You seriously can’t expect her to-”

“Listen Minji. This is an important schedule and the producers aren’t gonna be happy if the whole team doesn’t show up. As much as I want to help, it’s just not possible!”

“Ugh!”

Due to all the yelling, the younger girl stirred awake. She stayed quiet, but it was clear to you that she was listening to the conversation.

“Unnie-”

“No. You’re not going to the festival.” You cut her off before she could say anything.

“I.. I can go..! It’s fi-” Haerin fell back into your arms in a coughing fit. After a stern look from you, she finally sighed and snuggled into your chest. Soon after Minji came in - grumbling in frustration.

“I can’t believe him! He-“

“Hey, sweetie, calm down first.” You put Haerin back down on her bed, tucking her in.

“How do you expect me to be calm?! They’re forcing Haerin to perform in this condition! To make things worse, the performance is in the morning, the weather forecast even says it could rain, and, and-” Haerin sat up in the bed, covering herself in the thick blankets. Her wide eyes looked back and forward you and Minji worriedly.

“WOAH, woah, Min, you need to calm down. You’re stressing out Haerin here.”

“Speaking of Haerin- you! Why would you hide the fact that you were sick?! If you told us sooner we could’ve-”

“Kim Minji.”

The moment you saw Haerin’s eyes become watery you decided to shut everything down. Minji, realising her mistake, immediately stopped talking and looked away. You decided to grab her arm and pull her out of the room to talk.

After a few moments of silence, she decided to talk.

“Unnie… I’m sorry…”

“You don’t need to be sorry to me. Minji. I know you’re stressed out from all the schedules and practices, and I understand you’re just worried for Haerin. However, that doesn’t mean you can let your frustrations out onto your members.”

“…”

“I know you’re just trying your best and I really appreciate it, but you need to calm down.”

“I just… I’m just worried….” The shorter girl slowly came up to you. You hold her in a tight hug as she sobs quietly into your shoulder.

“Hey, I know, it’s gonna be okay. I’ll give the producers a call, okay? Go get some sleep with Haerin.”

“Mmph..” You wipe away her tears with your sleeve and give her a smile. Minji decides to give you a final hug and go back to her shared room with Haerin.

———————————————————————

#2

“Nope.”

“Y/N!!”

You’re currently in a tiny meeting with the producer of a well known music show. Since you’ve been in the entertainment business for a while, you recognized alot of their faces - including the fuming man you’ve been arguing with for about 20 minutes now.

“Hyein’s 15. I’m not letting you put her in that and that’s final.”

“It’s just a damn skirt-”

“Nope.”

“The fans would want-”

“Nope.”

“We’ve had other idols-“

“Nope.”

“For gods sake! This isn’t about you! The stylists already prepared everything and we aren’t going to change things just because YOU think ‘the skirt’s too short’.”

This whole debacle started with a slight comment from Hyein. She’s preparing for a solo special stage on Music Bank, and you decided to tag along for support..

(1 Hour Ago)

“Hey! You really came!!”

Hyein - in her tall glory - came running towards you, capturing you in a tight hug.

“Oof- Hey bub, good to see you too.”

You give her a slight pat on her head, holding her tightly to your body.

“Hehe, oh-! Have you seen my makeup for today?! It’s really pretty, with jewels, and…”

You watched as the younger girl went on and on about her excitement. It was her first ever stage alone, and you knew the amount of practice and effort she put on just for this moment.

“- and, and the jacket! It’s pink and so cute! Everything’s amazing - well, there is the skirt - but the dancers are just amazing!!”

“Whoah- what? What about the skirt?”

(1 Hour Later)

So you’re now in the waiting room, arguing, while Hyein is practicing in a different room with dancers.

You are extremely protective over your members, and everybody in the building probably knew that. A video of you almost physically fighting with a rude staff (that decided it was okay to threaten Hanni) went viral in the past, so the staffs were looking between you and the producer nervously.

It didn’t help that your face was gradually becoming more sour as the man went on about ‘pleasing the crowd’.

“What do you mean this isn’t about me? That’s your excuse? Hyein’s my teammate, she’s our maknae, and you’re trying to put her in and outfit she’s clearly uncomfortable in - for what? To appeal to disgusting perverts sitting in the crowd just waiting for a wardrobe malfunction?!”

“Of course n-”

“Listen. I’m not telling you to completely change everything in the crowd, all I’m telling you, is to let our stylist change the skirt to the pants she already prepared just in case. I genuinely don't see a single problem with that."

"I-.."

"Unless you're one of the 'perverts in the crowd'."

"How dare y-!"

"I'll take that as a no."

You quickly pushed past the fumbling man - bowing to the stressed staff members - and let out a deep sigh to calm yourself.

You promised to help Hyein rehearse after all.

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#3

There is no doubt in your mind that Danielle is one of the sweetest human beings in the world - and you hate it.

Not that you hate Danielle, god no, it's just that you absolutely hate the people around her that try to take advantage of her sweet personality.

Thankfully, she has scary dog privileges (you).

"Um...haha.. really...?"

You were getting drinks for the group at the vending machine when you faintly heard the younger girls voice from the hallway. In your mind she was supposed to be with the makeup artist, so why was she here?

"Yes! I really, really like you Danielle!"

You dropped the drinks in your hands and sped to where the conversation was.

Near the bathroom you could see Dani gripping onto your jacket(she was cold), nervously smiling at another idol practically cornering her and... confessing his love..?

"I took a long time trying to build up the courage to ask you.. and I was hoping that maybe we could go on a date some time?"

"I'm really flattered... but.. um.."

You could tell she was uncomfortable. She was stuttering, trying her best to form a refusal, but you knew your Dani hated saying no - especially when she knew the other person would be heartbroken by it.

You hesitated choosing between stepping in and just watching until either Dani says something or the boy leaves, but that was all thrown out the window when he decided to grab her before she could back away.

"Hey."

The young boy visibly froze up at your deep voice.

He was tall for his age, but still alot shorter than you. He nervously turned around and the moment he saw your face he could tell you were not happy.

"Oh! Um hello su-"

"We need to prepare for the stage Dani. Come on."

You lightly slapped his arm way and pulled her into yours, quickly making your way to your group's waiting room.

As soon as the door shut, you were finally able to check on her.

"You okay? He didn't do anything did he?"

"I'm fine unnie! Thank you so much.. I just didn't know how to tell him I wasn't looking to date anyone... He's one of my new friends, and I didn't really want to lose him, and I didn't want him to feel bad - oh no! I just left him there! Oh, maybe I should go back-" The younger girl started to ramble her worries, making you slightly panic.

"Hey! It's okay! He's gonna be fine.. And Dani! You can't always say y-........ nevermind.." You sighed.

You definitely hate how her puppy eyes make you weak, too.

———————————————————————

#4

It's a casual day off at the New Jeans house.

Just like any other break day, you decided to take a long nap on the couch. Quiet, peaceful, and not a single soul wanting to bother y-

"Nevermind..." You sighed.

That thought was shattered into pieces when you woke up on the couch with Hanni on top of you.

You have a warm body in general and all the girls usually used you like a heater whenever they were cold, huddling into you like baby penguins surrounding their mother.

That included cuddling into your arms whenever they caught you taking a nap on the couch.

So when you stirred awake, you weren't surprised to find Hanni (Y/n Heater's #1 fan) lying on top of you, spread like a flying squirrel.

'Ah, who cares.'

You decided to just go back to sleep, right hand holding the younger steady just in case she falls like last time.

-

You woke back up abut 30 minutes later to find that your chest has gotten heavier.

You tiredly opened one eye to see that another body - Hyein - has been added to your napping form. You were honestly used to this by now, and decided go back to sleep - already expecting at least one more addition to the pile when you wake back up.

-

"Unnie..."

'There it is.'

20 minutes later, you woke back up to the sound of a soft voice calling for you.

You lazily opened your eyes to see Danielle standing next to you awkwardly.

"Hmm? Need somethin' sunshine?"

"...Can I join..?"

You stared at her in disbelief before letting out a soft chuckle.

"Yeah sure, might be a tight squeeze though- oof!"

The moment you approved she rammed into your side, squeezing next to Hanni. She was slightly hanging off the edge, so in a second you held on tight to her arms - just in case.

You let out content sigh while falling back asleep.

-

It was 4 hours after you started you nap when you awoke for the 4th time.

You opened your eyes to see two lumps on the floor next to the couch. Minji was awake, watching the TV on a low volume, while Haerin was lying on the floor with her head in Minji's lap - lightly snoring.

"She's practically purring, huh?"

Minji - slightly jumped by your voice - let out a quiet laugh.

"Yeah, she seemed tired."

"Hmm... aren't you?"

"I just enjoy seeing you guys like this."

"This? This is basically going to the gym. Have you ever carried 3 bodies on your chest?"

She let out a giggle.

"No, but what I meant is that I enjoy seeing you guys happy like this."

"Hah."

"Don't laugh! I mean it."

She lightly leaned back for her head to rest on your shoulder.

"It's peaceful. And I love it."

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A/N: Thanks for reading. Love y'all <3

[defrosted69]

Shot through the heart

.

.

.

.

"Hey Dweeb, buy me some bread."

"B-But I'm doing my homework"

"Ah? Do look like I give a single fuck about what your doing? Buy me some bread."

"I-I have no money.."

"Like I care? Stop complaining and buy me some bread already dipshit!"

A girl pushed your chair as you fell flat on the floor groaning from the sudden force that was applied on it. Your glasses fell to the floor as your eyesight has turned blurry and it was hard for you to navigate the surroundings.

"Oh poor Y/n's gonna walk in all 4s? Aweee bark for me~"

Their laugher almost made you wanna hate your life as whole as their torment at you every time you go to school is hellish. It's something that you wish but to end and perhaps it will end if you end your life yourself. But there was one glimpse of hope for you. That one factor left that would keep you from ending it all.

"Hey! Stop what your doing to him Hanni. It's not funny."

The voice of an Angel. Baek Jiheon. She was your senior and the president of the Club you were in. Jiheon was also kind of fond towards you especially with how enthusiasm you were everytime there's an meeting or an activity at the club.

"Awe come on Jiheon Unnie. I was just messing with him."

"Yeah right. Listen to me Pham Hanni. If I ever see you bully Y/N again, I'll make sure to give your sister a visit."

Jiheon's stern voice made Hanni clenched her fist and glare at her. You didn't really know what the two have going on but having to spent your time with your bully and savior, you could tell that the two used to have a past together. Hanni scoffed and left the classroom along with her friends as Jiheon handed you your glasses. Upon seeing her, your heart raced quicker than normal.

"Are you okay Y/n?"

Her angelic voice that send tingles down your spine temporarily froze you in place. Time slowed down as you observed everything about her. The sun was shining behind her and the birds seemingly singing her a song. Everything was so bright around her and you would have hoped nothing but to be with her.

"Y/N? Are you okay?"

"H-Huh? Oh yeah! I-I'm fine."

You stuttered as Jiheon lended you a hand helping you stand up.

"By the way, You don't have anything to do after class right?"

"Yeah."

"Good, cause we kinda have an important meeting later on."

Jiheon's bright smile was the only thing that your mind was processing as you were just nodding at her. She chuckled and gave you a sandwich which surprised you.

"Here's a snack for you Y/N. See you later~"

Jiheon waved at you and left the classroom leaving you a confused blushing mess. Jiheon's kindness is also what makes you fall for her more as this only added to her charms. But as much as you what to admire her, you have a lot of opponents to win her heart.

Everyone admires Jiheon because of her beauty, brains and kindness. In the perspective of everyone, Jiheon was the perfect Girlfriend. Many had tried to sway her heart but a lot has failed and that both gives you relief and anxiety. You felt relief because Jiheon wasn't taken just yet and you have a slight chance. But sadly, you felt anxious because you were afraid that the bond you two build will be destroyed if you confess to her.

But if you were to choose one threat then it would be the School's Prince, Kim Sunoo. Everything about him was perfect. He was gifted academically, athletic, Visuals, everything you asked for was given to him. But the thing that bugs you out is knowing that Jiheon and Sunoo are childhood friends and neighbors as well. Your at a disadvantage as everything about him was perfect yet you were imperfect in every way.

You could only sigh as the day was boring for you but as the final bell was rung, you packed your bag but Minji, Hanni's friend stood infront of your table stopping you as you gulped in fear.

"Hey, Gimme 5,000 won."

Her demanding voice scares you as your eyes began to shift everywhere but hers.

"I-I don't have that money on me..."

"So? Pull out your card or something. I need that money now."

"I.. I can't I don't have-"

The door opened and Hanni was back from her daily task of throwing the trash because of her tardiness in class. She hated it the most because the punishment didn't make sense but she knows that it's her fault too. Everyone in class knows that Hanni wasn't the girl to be messed with especially when after she threw the trash but Minji, used this to her advantage.

"Hanni, the dweeb isn't listening again."

You gulped in fear as cold sweat began to form on your forehead and hands. You didn't want to get beaten up by Hanni again especially now that you are needed by Jiheon in the club. But as much as you want to move, your body stood there frozen. You heard her footstep closing on you as Hanni sighed and boredly looked at you.

"You don't have Money on you Dweeb?"

"N-No I don't have that money on me"

"Tsk! Fine, here Minji. Just pay me back next time."

You widen your eyes as Minji was also caught of guard by what Hanni just did. Usually, Hanni would beat you up and threaten you just to force you to give them money but today, Hanni acted differently. Minji took the money nonetheless.

"Woah, Alright then. Wanna join me Hanni? I'll be hanging out with that 3rd year hottie."

"Nah I'll pass. I gotta visit my Sister today."

"Eh suit yourself."

Minji shrugged her shoulders and left the room. You on the hand, was still in deep thoughts on why would Hanni help you out. You were confused as Hanni grabbed her bag and fixed her things. She was about to leave the room when you finally spoke.

"T-Thank you!"

You must have been dreaming because there was no way that you will be thanking your bully. Hanni just stared at you and sighed leaving the class with no more words for you. It was truly a confusing moment but you just shrugged it off and went to the club room. Your silent sanctuary. You opened the door and saw Jiheon smiling ear to ear towards you along with the rest of the members.

"Y/N, good thing your here. Were about to start anyway."

You smiled brightly but that died down when your eyes saw Sunoo next to Jiheon. He was all smiles but seeing him close to Jiheon and seeing her laugh with her made you sad. You tried to ignore it but the moment Jiheon said

"Sunoo will be part of our club for the moment as our club will be joining the film club for the upcoming festival."

Obviously everyone was all on it because the school's prince was in their club. You didn't want to be selfish but you have no choice but to accept it.

"But the important thing is, Our club will be doing a theater show and this is where Sunoo's club will help us. Now, I have come up that we will be doing a play called sleeping beauty. Now who will be a leads? Any suggestion?"

This is what made you fear the most because it was preety obvious that Jiheon and Sunoo will be the main leads and what's your position there? Nobody, a nobody. You have no rights to disagree as everyone in the club voted for the two of them. It was painful to see the girl that you like be with someone better than you and you couldn't do anything. You stayed silent hoping that this meeting ended sooner than later.

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The following days was pure torture for you as seeing them being all flirty with each other breaks your heart. You tried to keep everything in as much as possible as you keep reminding yourself that you have no rights to interfere.

Sunoo was better in every way towards you and you were no match for him. He was gifted while you have to thrive to sharpen your skills just to be recognized by them and if you did showcase them, nobody would even dare to listen to you.

As the days go by, it was pure torture for you but you kept a straight face focusing on making the play successful as it is. But if there was something that you were glad for is that Pham Hanni, your bully seems to have stopped bothering you at all after that time when you thanked her. It also wasn't just Hanni that didn't bother you anymore but even her friends stopped being an annoying bitch towards you.

Though you find it weird, you were glad that Hanni stop bullying you but that torture was replaced with emotional torture as you see Jiheon smiling and laughing with Sunoo. They say that accepting things as they are now is one way of letting yourself free from the pain you are suffering.

But to you that was a difficult task.

Jiheon became a part of your life and for you to let go of the sole reason why you come to school,

To why you still wanna hang in the club room,

To why you had hoped on seeing her smile,

To why you wanna keep moving forward.

It was very difficult for you to let go because if you did, what will you cling into? What hope or motivation will you have to keep moving forward in life? What's left for you to do?

Your mind was filled with more questions than answers as you mindlessly wander the busy halls of the corridors.

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The day you dreaded finally arrived. You woke up in a very tired expression even though you had 8 hours of sleep in your body. Your mind was just so exhausted with all the negative thoughts that has filled your mind for the past weeks. You tried your best to accept that you have already lost Jiheon to Mr. Perfect. Everyday, you reminded yourself that you were a loser and a coward for accepting that this was is. You couldn't do anything because you were afraid of change.

Then it hit you. The biggest reason why you cowered out.

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You were scared.

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Not for yourself

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But because

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You were scared

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Of the change that could happen.

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You couldn't bring yourself to change the relationship between you and Jiheon because you were afraid of her Changing her behavior with you. Jiheon was your only friend and a very precious friend to you. Part of loving her is letting her go and seeing her happy.

Her happiness was yours as well.

You tried to place that seed on your mind everyday and today was the day you know that Jiheon will finally be the reason of someone's happiness.

You fixed your attire and left the house where you only live in. Gone were the days where you would greet your parents because there was no reason to greet them anymore. They have left this world and left you behind all on your own.

Upon leaving the house, you notice how dark the clouds were indicating that there's a strong chance that it will rain. You on the other hand could only chuckle softly.

"I guess the universe hates me huh?"

You walked your way towards the school and even though the weather wasn't that great, everything went smoothly for the festival. The festive mood was still felt around the classroom as plenty of classroom has their booth open for all to experience. Seeing the smiles of students made you feel like you lost yours. Even though the school was in such festive mood, everything felt so bland and plain.

You ignored all of this as you continued your trail towards the club room where you were tasked on checking up on the attire of the actors that will use. As you open the door you saw Jiheon in a very beautiful mint green dress. You were star struck as no words was able to describe her beauty. Everything seems to have sparkled seeing her beauty as her eyes landed on you.

"Oh, Y/N how do I look?"

"Beautiful."

It was the only word that you can describe to her but your mouth couldn't say it. You just simply nodded your head as she giggled. The more she showed you her soft side, the more you heart breaks.

"Oh my. You look so preety Jiheon."

Sunoo snapped you back to reality as he himself wore a prince outfit. It was befitting for him considering his title in school and you can tell why many girls would fall for him. He was sparkling just like Jiheon as the two smiled at each other. You sighed and went pass over them trying your best to dissappear on their sights as you wanted to focus on your task.

As the play finally started, many students were all anticipating on seeing how the preetiest girl in school will act towards the prince of the school. It was pretty obvious that everyone wanted to See Sunoo and Jiheon as most of the crowd just doesn't react to other actors at all. But when the pair came out, Cheers and whistles was all that was heard.

Never have you seen Jiheon smile so brightly and shine so perfectly with someone that wasn't you. As much as you admire their amazing chemistry together, the painful scene that was about to unfold infront of your eyes will surely make you realize that you have no space in between the two perfect couple.

The kiss scene where everyone had hope to see, was finally gonna happen. Your heart was starting to crack everytime Sunoo says his lines as he was inching himself closer to Jiheon. As the crowd was at the edge of their seat, you couldn't handle the passionate Kiss the two shared as you damn well that there wasn't suppose to be a kiss scene. It was suppose to be a peck on her cheeks but Sunoo showed everyone his intentions towards the girl. The crowd cheered for them leaving you in pain as you officially lost the girl you admire.

You couldn't handle it anymore as you left the play and walked towards the busy corridors of school not really knowing where to go now.

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"Hey Minji."

"Sup Hanni."

"Have you seen the dweeb-I mean Y/N?"

"Nope. Haven't seen the loser since morning. Why Look for that loser anyway?"

Hanni could only just sigh as she has noticed how you actually looked more miserable even when she stopped messing with you. She thought that stopping herself from bullying you would be enough closure for all the wrong deeds she did. But the thing that really caught her off guard was when you actually thanked her for saving him.

It wasn't even in her best intention to save you but it's just that she wanted Minji to shut up. She couldn't react properly after you thanked her as she left the classroom flustered and embarrassed. This was her first time seeing someone thank her for the good thing she did and it felt so weird but in a good way. She felt like her body elevated and something heavy was released from her.

To this day, she still can't understand why she, the biggest bully in her class helped a loser like you. But nonetheless, she stopped bullying you and overall stopped being a menace. Hanni was actually scolded preety hard as the reality of things came crashing down on her. She has never seen her Sister this dissapointed in her and it broke her heart hearing and seeing her sister break down all alone in their kitchen. She realized that she needed to help her sister somehow as her sister was her everything.

Since then, Hanni tried to be a better person and even telling her friends to act more appropriately now which they found weird but followed her. The Old headache of a student Hanni was gone, and in the class was the studious Hanni. Some teachers were even surprised by her sudden change of behavior but they also praised Hanni for changing her bad behavior.

While everything was going her way, she couldn't help but feel bad to the person she hurtled the most.

You.

She would cringe at herself remembering the horrible mistreatment she would make you go through and everytime she remembers them, she wanted to beat herself up over and over again. She made it her goal to sincerely apologize to you but your mood everyday just look so gloom and depressing that she couldn't help herself but shy away.

This action of her would only made her more frustrated as she couldn't bring herself towards you. Now she hoped that this event would help her find you but it's like the universe was setting her up not to even see you as everywhere she go, she couldn't find you anywhere. She was getting frustrated as she ruffled her hair aggressively.

"Where in the blue hell is that dweeb?"

She sighed and decided to rest at her favorite spot in school.

The rooftops.

Even though the weather was a bit chilly and the sun was hidden, the rooftops was still the best place for Hanni to collect her thoughts and she would expect that nobody would be in the rooftops considering how the school is very much active. She pushed the door opening to the rooftops and she was greeted with a soft cold breeze from the humid atmosphere above her. But to her suprised, she saw a figure sitting in the edge of the rooftop as her heart began to race as the worst case scenario that she wishes not to encounter is infront of her.

"Who in the right mind-wait, isn't that Y/N?!"

Her eyes widen as she swiftly moved her feet and grabbed him and pulled him into safety. Hanni was fuming with rage because she didn't expect that you wanted to end you life when she hasn't even apologized to you.

"What the hell are you thinking dipshit?! Do you wanna die that badly?!"

Hanni raised her voice as you looked up tired and exhausted but Hanni suddenly came into your view with a very angry face.

"Hanni? Wha-what are you doing up here?"

You sat up as you were completely caught off guard seeing your bully, well your previous bully getting mad at you after tackling you for some unknown reason. Hanni was now a raging bull after hearing your response. She gritted her teeth in annoyance as seeing her mad scared you.

"W-Wait Hanni.. I-I could explain.."

"You better Dipshit. I'm waiting."

Hanni crossed her arms near her chest as she stared at you intently with burning gaze. This was the first time you saw Hanni this mad and you didn't even do anything to provoke her.

"I..I just wanted some time off to think and I went here."

"Why are you even on the edge of the rooftop. You could have died!"

Weird.

You found Hanni acting weird right now. You blinked several times to wake yourself up as you couldn't believe that your bully, Pham Hanni, just told you how you could have died. Hanni, your bully, cares for you.

"I'm sorry Hanni, but... Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"I-I mean w-why do you care if I die?"

"You asshole!"

Hanni punched your shoulder but to your surprise, her punch wasn't like the punches she used to give you instead her punch felt like it was out of worry and not out of bullying. It may sound weird to others but that's just how her punch felt right now. She then grabbed you by the collar and pulled you close to her face where you saw her face up close.

"If you died, I'll forever regret of not apologizing to you properly. So don't go fucking around and die just yet!"

Her eyes were furious but you could see that there was a few tears forming on her eyes and this really made you feel weird. Add in that seeing Hanni up close made you saw how beautiful she really was. Her soft skin and plump cheeks made it clear that her cheeks are very squishable. Her eyes who's burning and piercing you right now captivated you and you saw how her lips were perfectly carved.

"What? Why are you staring at me? Answer me Y/N!"

"H-Huh? Y-Yes! I-I won't die just yet."

"Not just yet. Never. Okay? Got that?"

Her demanding voice made you snap your weird thoughts away from her as she sighed and removed her grip on your collar and separated the two of you.

"Anyway, Like I said. I wanna apologize to you for all what I did and I know that even if I apologized now. That wouldn't be enough for all the pain I cost you. So if you wanna retaliate, sue me, or even push me off the edge. You have my consent cause I, Pham Hanni apologize."

Hanni respectfully apologized to you with her body fully bowed towards you. This day was full of surprises for you but seeing Hanni fully bow to you and apologize to you made you confused. One part of you hated her for making your life miserable but one part of you also want to accept her apology because you saw it yourself on how much Hanni has changed ever since she covered you from Minji. You wanted to really believe that Hanni has changed yet you still didn't fully trust her.

"Hanni, y-you sure there's nothing behind this apology? Because honestly speaking What you did to me really made me lose hope in living anymore."

Hanni bit her lip realizing how much of a douche bag she was. She knows that accepting her apology would be more of a stretch than she expected.

"But if there's one thing I learned from Jiheon is that people deserve second chances. The moment you covered me from Minji, I was confused but seeing you be the opposite of who you used to be gave me the idea that you really are changing for the best."

Hanni looked up and her big soft pair of eyes made you flustered as you looked to the side avoiding her gaze.

"S-So Hanni. I accept your apology but you better behave-"

Hanni cutted you off by hugging you tightly. Her action only made you shocked and confused as you have never, and I mean EVER saw her react like this. Pham Hanni, your bully is now hugging you and smiling so brightly at you.

"Thank you! Thank you so much Dweeb! Errr I mean Y/N!"

You really didn't know what to do but your instinct was the one who controlled your body. Your hand traveled to her hair as you stroke her gently making Hanni widen her eyes and realizing what she was doing.

"Ah!"

She immediately pushed you away as you landed on the floor flat.

"Ouch."

"Oh no, I'm sorry Dweeb-I mean Y/N. I'm sorry."

Hanni quickly went to you offering you her hand as you could only sigh. You accepted her hand and both felt weird when their hands touch. Hanni has heen bullying Y/N for some quite time yet this was the first time when both realize something.

You were obviously suprised by how small and soft Hanni's hand were. You expected her hands to be rough Considering she was a bully but her hands felt like it's been taken care of very well.

Hanni was so surprised by your hand. Never once would she feel like her hand melted on someone else's touch other than her sister. Growing up, she was quite sensitive to things and she hated rough hands as she finds them disgusting yet right now, you were proving her wrong. Her hand felt so natural to be with yours as the two of you stared for each other for a while before Hanni realized what she was doing.

She immediately helped you up and pulling her hand away  and your hand felt cold when her touch was gone from your grip.

"A-Anyway, what are you doing here Hanni?"

You tried to break the awkward atmosphere around the two of you as Hanni avoided eye contact with you as her cheeks were suddenly heating up.

"T-This is my spot."

"Oh, should I leave?"

"What? No just stay. I mean, I don't mind sharing my spot with you."

"But am I allowed to?"

"Aish. Of course you are. Y-Your my f-f-friend now so I don't mind..."

Hanni pouted her lips as she felt embarrassed saying you were her friend but for you, you were all smiles as you couldn't believe that your bully became your friend. Just when you thought that Jiheon was your only friend, An unexpected surprised came to you and Hanni become your friend.

"This is... Weirdly amusing"

You and Hanni ended up talking about a lot of things as you were surprised that Hanni actually has a lot common things towards you. One of them is the love towards basketball. Hanni tried her best not to tease you about not joining the basketball team but because of your lack of confidence, you ended up not joining. Seeing you all down made Hanni feel sad as well. Sure, she was used to seeing you all sad because she used to bully you but now that she was your friend, she wanted to help you get over that lack of confidence you have.

"Hey Y/n listen to me."

"Hmm?"

"You need to trust yourself. Now listen up, the school Varsity team would be recruiting some fresh legs next month so why don't I help you?"

Your eyes widen in surprise by her propsal. You weren't even sure if Hanni was saying the truth or if she's just playing with her feelings but you ended up agreeing to her. She was all smile hearing your answer as she then came close to your startling you even more. She began to observe you face as she pouted out of her habit whenever she's thinking of something.

"Hmm... Have you ever removed your glasses before?"

"Umm.. Only when I go to the shower or sleep."

"Well take them off."

"Wh-What? Why?"

"Just take them off wil you."

Not wanting to anger the small girl anymore, you removed your glasses as Hanni's pout suddenly turned into a shocked expression.

She has never expected that the person she was bullying looked so differently when he removed his glasses. Hanni was captivated by you facial looks without your glasses as she immediately can tell that without your glasses, you imitated a strong aura which really attracted her. You saw how her cheeks suddenly was turning pink.

"Hanni, you alright?"

"Y-Yeah. You should get a haircut too."

"Should I? But I don't think having a new haircut helps me in getting into the team."

"Nonsense. Trust me you need to get a haircut. Also this should be your cut."

You noticed how skilled and detailed Hanni is when it comes to hairstyles as you couldn't help but smile at her genuine help. It was a weird way of befriending your bully but this was better than having Hanni as your bully till highschool. You had once again a reason to go to school.

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TIMESKIP: 1 WEEK LATER

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Murmurs was heard all around the corridors as all eyes were on you. It made you feel uncomfortable but remembering the words of advice from Hanni, you brushed off your uncomfortable feeling and walked the hallways of the school.

Everyone couldn't believe that a new student has transfered to their school during their midterms as everyone began to spread of the word. Everywhere you look, you can see everyone staring at you and you just smiled at them. That smile Immediately made the students go nuts especially the girls who began to put makeup all over their faces as they try their best to win you over. Once you were at your classroom, you sat at your usual seat and everyone in class began to whisper at each other seeing a new face but Hanni was smirking from the sight of everyone.

During that 1 week span, Hanni helped you have more confidence by being yourself and actually having a haircut. It took sometime to decide on what haircut you would have as Hanni was your personal assistant on choosing the right haircut. Both of you agreed to go out together to pick some clothes and for once, you actually had fun picking clothes unlike before where you would just buy online. Hanni encourage you to talk to the sales man/lady about the clothes you have and Hanni would be all smile when she saw you casually talking to them.

It wasn't such a big improvement but Hanni was glad that you had atleast some confidence to enter the class like nothing happened to you. She notice how Minji stared at you intensely and she even bit her lips.

"Hey Hanni, wanna bet I can make him my boyfriend?"

Hanni just rolled her eyes at her and smirked.

"I bet you won't."

"Watch me."

Minji was about to turn towards you when you walked past her and went to Hanni smiling.

"Ah, here's the hair wax I borrowed Hanni. Thanks."

"No problem Y/N."

Everyone gasped hearing the words of Hanni. They couldn't believe that the quiet and bullied classmate of theirs suddenly turned into a different person. A more attractive person. It's as if they were looking at a new and reborn version of you which was true. The entirety of the day was how other students came in waiting for you to come out and this really made you uncomfortable. Hanni was the one who shooed them away with her intimidating glare which made them scared as they all left.

"Thanks Hanni. I owe you one."

"You owe me a lot Dweeb. Hehehe~"

Hanni brightly smiled at you and you still haven't got used to how beautiful her smile is. Everything about what you thought of Hanni was immediately changed after hanging out with her. You though she was a no good for nothing student when she in fact was actually quite smart. Hanni grabbed your wrist as the two of you headed to the cafeteria as it was packed with students trying to get their hands on the special jam filled bread. But instead of being the first ones, they were shocked to see how many people have already lined up for it. Hanni pouted her lips to the side as she found it annoying that she couldn't be able to eat her bread.

But the crowd suddenly gasped making you two look at the commotion was all about and there your heart cracked a bit seeing Jiheon all smiles as she waves at the crowd and beside her was her boyfriend Kim Sunooo, the prince of the school. They became a couple after that play and hearing about it only brought nothing but sadness towards you yet you ignored it for the moment.

"Oh it's Jiheon Unnie. Oh well, I wish they have left later on...."

Hanni said making you look at the girl as her lips pouted. It was habit you saw from her whenever she would be sulking and you honestly find it adorable. Seeing her in such state made decide to give her a hand.

"I'll be right back."

"Huh? Where you going?"

You didn't answer her yet her eyes solely focused on you diving into the wave of hungry students squeezing themselves into the crowd. You were Getting pushed and pulled around yet you continued to push through the crowded and congested line. Hanni's eyes never left you as she felt so bad seeing you get pushed around. Her heart was being shattered seeing you struggle as she wishes nothing more than for you to be safe.

But all of her worries would be washed away when you got out of the line catching your breath and showing Hanni a warm smile.

"Hanni, I got the bread."

"You idiot. You could have gotten hurt. Are you okay?"

She placed her hand on your face observing it which you could only chuckle at her. Call yourself selfish but you liked the feeling of Hanni's touch on your face as it just keeps you at ease. You also found it weird that Hanni is somewhat was able to calm you down or even cheer you up whenever you needed it and it's been just a week since you two buried the past and moved to the future as friends. You held her hand to your face and leaned closer to her smiling brightly.

"I'm alright Hanni. No need to get worried."

Hanni was taken back by your sudden bold action. The space between you was shortened because you leaned in closer towards her. Her cheeks immediately turned red seeing you up close and wearing a proud bright smile. She could tell that her heartbeat was racing yet she tried her best not to act flustered.

"A-Alright. L-Let's just go..."

Hanni walked away from you making you chuckle at her cute reaction.

"Ahhh she's so cute....wait, did I say my Bully is cute?"

You shook your head and continued to chuckle as you followed Hanni from behind. Unbeknownst to you was that someone was watching from afar your interaction with Hanni and this didn't sit well with her whatsoever.

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It's finally the last day of school and every student was finally gonna enjoy their summer vacation ahead of them but before that was the mighty final exams. This was the giant mountain that they have to climb before they could tatse that sweet sweet summer atmosphere. Luckily for you, you didn't have to worry about your grades because all of them were all straight A's and if you did fail, your final grade will be at most a B- or C+ which means you passed. So you were really relaxing in your room except that there was someone who's really worried about their own grade.

"Damn it! Hey Y/N. How do you get this again?"

You smile and took a seat next to her. Hanni has been hanging out with most of the time. Although you were busy with your club activities and basketball training, you still find time to hangout with her and she actually appriciate how much effort you give her especially when you have a tight schedule.

Hanni would be lying if she say she didn't like you.

Yes, your once Bully turned to the closes friend has feelings for you.

When that first though came to her mind, she wanted to vomit because of how absurd that thought was especially considering that both of you were just starting your friendship and there was no no possibility of her falling for you. That equation wasn't even formulated yet but as time goes on, the more you give effort to hanging out with her, helping her study, and even helping to her sister's job caught her attention.

The speculation of her falling for you got stronger when Minji admitted to her that she likes you. She shouldn't have been feeling so scared and worried but when Minji confessed to her, it made her feel so scared that she could lose you. It also didn't help that Hanni would see you with Jiheon all smiles and laughter. She felt so lost whenever she sees you happy with someone else and not her but she knows that she shouldn't be selfish as well, after all, she's just your friend.

But you keep giving her false hope whenever you appear in her and most of them was were when she needed you the most. When her sister's job was being threaten to be removed, you pulled up and showed everyone the files that her sister's business is legal and labeled in the government. Nobody has stepped up for her or her sister except you. You were silently inserting yourself in the Pham's household without even realizing it. Hanni realized that you weren't longer the Dweeb who would shy away from everything. No, you had become someone better. Someone who pushed out of their boundary just to help someone, someone who was ready to help, someone that Hanni needed, Someone that Hanni loved.

"I heard that your club will be having a picnic at the park this weekend."

Hanni said as you nodded your head at her.

"Yeah, it's like a goodbye ceremony to our seniors who will be graduating this year."

"I see, so Jiheon will be there right?"

"Y-Yeah, of course."

You didn't see how Hanni frowned a little hearing you stutter when she mentioned Jiheon. She knows that she has no chance to winning you over someone who's perfect and everyone admires.

"I also heard from Minji that you two will be watching the fireworks showcase during the weekend. It's at the Beach right?"

"Yeah..."

She tried her best not to sound dissapointed but she couldn't. She had hoped that you wouldn't join Jiheon during the weekend to hang out with her but it seems that you already have plans ahead. This only made Hanni more frustrated as she grabbed her stuff surprising you.

"Woah, where you going Hanni?"

"Home. Thanks for having me over."

Hanni bowed to you as she grabbed her stuff and placed it all in her bag then left in a hurry. It made you feel terrible seeing Hanni leave you so quickly as you wished nothing more but to spend more time with her. You have grown fond of your bully as she was now a changed person. There was little to no signs of her past self resurfacing and this made you happy because you finally have a friend you can hang out freely. But there was a little problem.

You had completely fallen for Hanni.

It was weird to say the least how much your heart always calls out for Hanni. Seeing her change so much for the better was a great thing because you finally realized that Hanni turned into a bully because of her environment growing up and how her family turned out to be. You wanted to help her in every way as you would go out of your way to help her in all possible way to at least make her feel at ease but the unexpected thing happened. As time goes one doing all this for Hanni, you ended up falling in love with her.

Some people may call you crazy for falling in love with your bully but that's just how it works for you.

But there's one thing stopping you from really realizing that you liked Hanni, Baek Jiheon.

Jiheon and Sunoo's relationship isn't going well lately and Jiheon has only you to be her support wall as seeing her cry breaks you heart as well. Jiheon was your first love in your life so she has a spot for your heart but Hanni was slowly making her way into your heart as well. You can't just choose both even if they were both important people in your life.

Jiheon, the girl that showed you that there will always be hope for you. That there is a light in every dark days you have and there's always a tomorrow to look forward too. Jiheon showed you what love can do to a person and how much that can motive them to be better.

Hanni, the girl that showed you that change is the only permanent thing in the world. Everyone can change for the better or worse but at the end of the day, it will be your choice on what change you will do. Hanni showed you that someone can change for the better and it's never to late to try things you wanted to do.

This frustrated you as you don't know the define answer to this question. But this weekend you might have the proper answer to what really is best for you. With a heavy sigh you jumped into your bed with a distress expression.

"I hope what I'm gonna choose is the right one..."

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"The park feels so nice right Y/n?"

Jiheon smiled brightly at you. No matter how much she flashes you her sweet bright smile, you will never get tired of it even if she does it a thousand times in one day.

"Yeah, it does."

Everything was set-up perfectly as even the atmosphere was perfect. Everyone all had a smile because even though this was a sad day, it was also a day to be celebrated because of the accomplishment that the seniors are graduating. Jiheon being the best leader of the club made sure that the seniors feel the love they deserve as she handed them gifts as thank you for their efforts.

This has always been what Jiheon is good at, being kind and cherishing anyone no matter who they are. So it was quite easy why you fell for her and to why Sunoo fell for her too. As the orange sky painted the sky, Jiheon's Beauty reflected it's beauty as a soft breeze past her her by. Your eyes saw how glowing Jiheon was as she adjusted her hair behind her ear. Her smile that never seems to fade just shined so brightly that it captivates you.

"Say Y/N."

"Y-Yeah?"

"Can you follow me for a bit? I wanna show you something."

Jiheon grabbed your hand and you felt how soft her hands were. It wasn't everyday when Jiheon showed you skinship and when she does, it made your flutter a thousand times than normal and right now, Jiheon looked so beautiful as she walked you around the park.

On the back of your mind, this felt like a date which you have always dreamed of doing. From laying on the bed dreaming of the day when You would take Jiheon by her hand and walking in the park. This was your dream and right now it was the reality of things. Everything was going your way with Jiheon as she smiled at you and walked with her hand in hand. But one part of you felt hurt knowing this was the everyday view of Sunoo. It felt so wrong liking someone who's already taken.

"Y/N, you have changed a lot huh?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean appearance wise, you looked more... A-Attractive and your shy demeanor is now gone. Heck, Your even part of the Varsity team now."

She proudly look at you as your heart melted. Everything you have dream of doing with Jiheon was happening right infront of you yet something didn't sit right with you. It feels like there was a catch with how this was presented to you. It felt like there was a string attached to this and was a set up to something very emotionally draining for you.

The two of you walked all around the park admiring the scenery around as both of you were enjoying each other's silence. No word's was needed between the two of you inorder to enjoy the walk.

"We're here."

Jiheon finally spoke as both of you were standing un the park bridge. The small river below you made it so relaxing as you looked up and saw that the sun was setting and darkness will soon engulf the sky.

"It's a nice place."

"I know right. This place is my little sanctuary. Well I don't think it's little considering it's open to the public."

Jiheon chuckled as you smiled at her. A memory flashed through your mind as your smile only got brighter remembering the first time Hanni apologized to you.

"Y/N, I really wanna thank you for being there for me all the time. I wouldn't have gotten this far if you weren't there."

Jiheon's words caught you off guard as you really didn't expect the sudden words comming from Jiheon. You were obviously the person who admired Jiheon the most and was one of the reason why you continued on but to hear her admit this, made you realize that you were important in Jiheon's life.

"I merely did anything."

Jiheon shook her head and and grasped both your hands as she held it tight. This made you blush at the sudden contact as Jiheon giggle admiring her hands on to yours.

"Y/N, that nothing you speak off is a lot. Whenever I feel like giving up, you were there to cheer me back up. Even before you changed, you were my biggest pillar of support and I really, really couldn't thank you enough but..."

She trailed off and suddenly looked at you with an expression of uncertainty. Something that you were accustomed off whenever Jiheon had trouble with something. Everytime you see Jiheon make that face, it breaks you to pieces and you wished nothing more to help her smile. But something tells you that this issues of her is not something you can easily help.

"But an unexpected thing happen. Call me a crazy bitch for this but I... I actually liked you Y/N."

A phrased that got you frozen on your feet. The words that only played on your mind and imagination over and over again Hoping it would become a reality was now a reality. Your ears heard it very well.

Baek Jiheon.

The girl that became your beacon of hope when things weren't going their way.

The girl that you found amazing and beautiful.

The girl that protected you from the harsh reality.

The girl that made you heart ready to burst.

But

She was also the girl that made you hate yourself.

The girl that cause you so much pain.

The girl that confused you.

Yet

She was still the girl that you loved.

A sad smile appeared on your face. You retraced your steps of thoughts and realized that you already have an answer to your dillema. Jiheon was no doubt the best girl you have ever met and there was no way that the time you and Jiheon spent will be replaced.

"I liked you. I was too afraid to confess to you because I was scared that my confession could destroy the relationship we have. So I tried my best to ignore it and then Sunoo came and I though I should give him a chance. But I thought I would forget my feelings for you but they only grew more. And I ended up breaking up with Sunoo because I don't want to hurt him anymore. "

You were silent as you took this all in. The girl that you liked actually likes you back. That was the only thought that was stuck in your head and you couldn't believe it. You don't know what kind of string pulls was happening somewhere but this was it, Jiheon has finally confessed to you. The moment you have been dreaming off, the moment Jiheon say-

"Y/N, I love you."

3 words, 8 letters. A dream come true for you as Jiheon stares at you with a flustered cheeks and uneasy eyes. You can tell that Jiheon was very genuine with her emotions towards you. This made you flustered as well as your cheeks turn to bright pink leaving you a blushing mess. But time wasn't on your side. The longer the silence keeps playing, The worse case scenario will play out for the both of you. You feared that everything will be awkward between the two of you. With a gulp, you took all the courage you have and finally spoke.

"Jiheon, I-"

.

.

.

.

"Can't believe Minji got sick on a day like this..."

Hanni spoke to herself while sitting all alone on the beach side observing everyone happily smiling with their friends or loved ones. Today was supposed to be a happy day for Hanni as school was finally over and she gets to watch the fireworks with her friend but she got sick last minute. It also made her feel more sad considering that you are with Jiheon.

Her mood suddenly turned gloomy realizing that you must have the best time with Jiheon.

"He must be all smiles spending time with the girl she likes…while I'm out here, all alone watching the fireworks like the usual. Shit, why should I feel sad anyway? I have always watched the fireworks all alone, what's so different this time?"

Hanni tried to cover up the real reason why she was feeling sad this time unlike the times she was happy being all alone. The fact that a certain Dweeb caught her attention and shifted her perspective towards him. She chuckled at the fact that she was the one who helped him change himself yet she didn't expect herself to fall for him even more.

She saw how you were originally and what you really are a person. A guy with a big heart that was just scared to act because he lacks self confidence in himself. Something that she helped you overcome. But the reason she fell for you wasn't because you changed, it's because of what you showed her even before you changed. It was only now she saw her own mistake of bullying such a person that she felt so wrong falling in love with you. If she can, then she'll do anything to push you to Jiheon because she herself isn't worthy enough.

She can't seem to forgive herself for giving you so much pain and that's one reason of keeping her away from fully confessing to you. In her perspective, you deserve the world, you deserve someone more better, you deserve someone who would love you unconditionally and Hanni has all those things in an X mark.

She looked around hoping to remove those thoughts away as her eyes saw how the beach was filled with couples, families, friends and the like. But majority of them were couples getting all lovely dovey towards each other and a sour expression grew over her face.

"There's no way I will act like that. That's embarrassing!"

Hanni could only sigh as she observe the sea flowing through the sea. The sky has already turn dark and the moon was seen slowly climbing up it's peak but as of the moment, the moon's reflection can be see on the sea. The sound of the sea waves was weirdly relaxing for Hanni as she yawned a little. There was a soft breeze that past her by as she sat comfortably on her solo spot.

"I wonder if things worked out for them. I should probably be ready to face Y/N next school yea-"

"Hanni!"

.

.

.

THUMP THUMP

.

.

.

She froze on her spot. She didn't want to turn her back as she knows who was the person calling her name out. Her heart began to beat faster and all her thoughts began to be in shambles. She could hear your footstep getting closer to her and she wanted to run away right now. But her body was frozen shut as you took a seat next to her.

You didn't speak as you admire the moon's reflection and the sea breeze passing by. Hanni was the opposite, she was staring at you intently. She observed your handsome side profile as her eyes trails every part of your face. From your sharp jaw, small round ears, fluffy messy hairstyle, your Adam's apple and finally to your lips. In her view, your lips looked so perfect for hers as she wanted to know how would your lips locked with hers.

She almost lost herself but she snapped her thoughts away and realize that this wasn't the best situation for her heart and mental state. Something bad could happen or even worse, she might do something she could regret and she didn't want that. She suddenly stood up and turned around but you were quicker than her and grabbed her hand holding it firmly. Hanni silently squealed from the sudden contact as her back was turned against you.

"Why... Why are you here?"

Hanni managed to ask without sounding like a broken person yet you heard her voice. Hanni was at the brink of crying as this broke your heart.

"I wanted to.... See you."

Everything was wrong. This was wrong for Hanni. She didn't like where this was going and her heart was beating fast yet her mind was so confused and hurt. She doesn't want to believe it because she's not the one and she will never be the one for you. She can't accept herself being the person you choose over your first love.

"You could have just called me or texted me to meet up. No need to see me here."

"But I WANTED to see you. I NEEDED to see you tonight. Hanni."

Hanni bit her lips from making enough noise. Her eyes began to show tears as this was getting to painful for her. Her mind didn't want this happen because of the torture she would go through yet her heart was telling her to face it, To face you, to face the person she love.

"Y/N, S-Stop whatever y-your planning. I-I don't wanna to hear it. A-and let m-me go.."

Her body was beginning to shake from the stress of her emotions and her voice was beginning to crack indicating that she was close to tearing up and breaking down. You were no Idiot and you can tell that you were the reason why she was in this state of confusion, of pain and frustration. And tonight was the night you will help her clear all those emotions of hers.

"Pham Hanni, I'm not letting you go especially with how you stole my heart."

Hanni felt like she was just shot straight to her heart hearing those words. It felt so right and at the same time, it felt so wrong to hear those words out of your mouth. Her walls were beginning to break down as small drops of tears began to make their way down to her cheeks.

"S-Stop b-Bullshitiing M-Me and j-just go, leave me already!! Leave me be DWEEB!!"

Hanni's emotion was difficult to control right now and her defense mechanism from you was her screaming and scaring you but that didn't do anything. Instead of backing away, you closed the distance between you and her as you hugged her from behind. Hanni visibly yelped in surprised by your action but she also felt a soft, warm, protective embrace around her small body.

She hated this, she didn't deserve any of this but how come you were so stubborn especially with her.

"Let me go! L-Let me go!!"

Hanni squirmed in attempt to free herself from you hug but the more Hanni resist the more you hugged her closer to you. You don't want to let go of Hanni anymore and you want to protect her at all cost.

"Why... Why can't you let me go... Why do you... Like me..."

Hanni couldn't hold it any longer as she began to cry her heart out. It was painful for you to see and hear Hanni cry infront of you as you could only hug her and explain your take.

"Call me crazy, but ever since you helped me be a better version of myself, I started looking at you differently. I saw different sides of yours that I couldn't see before. The way you tried your best to change yourself made me proud and inspired to do the same. And seeing the side that you rarely show made me realize that you're beautiful, preety, kind hearted, hardworking girl. "

Hanni's strain walls showed cracked as she listened to you.

"Gone were the times when you were called the bully and now is called the the A student in class. How can I not love you when you helped me without any conditions and stayed by my side when I needed it too."

More cracks appeared on the walls.

"I admired Jiheon because of her angelic demeanor but the more I learn about and get to know you, the more I was getting myself deeper and deeper towards you."

"H-How can you say that you l-liked me? I-I bullied you and gave you painful memories. Why do you still love me?"

Hanni turned around and faced you. Her eyes were sad and her tears werw flowing nonstop as you began to stroke her hair.

"Yes you bullied me and I will never forget the pain you gave me."

Hanni avoided your gaze by looking down with her head head hanged low. This was what scared Hanni because there was no justification of what she did towards you yet you only smiled at her.

"But you also changed me and made me a fighter Hanni. You bullied me yet if it weren't for that bullying. I wouldn't be here talking to you, You probably didn't change for the better, and I'll forever torture myself seeing Jiheon happy with Sunoo. You get what I mean? It's like a butterfly effect. None of this would had happened if you didn't bullied me. I wouldn't be here confessing to you because I....."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"I love you Hanni."

Hanni's walls broke down and she couldn't hide it anymore. Her heart won at the end of the day as she cupped your cheeks and pulled you closer to her lips and finally closing the gap as you felt a soft pair of peach flavored lips.

Your world froze momentarily as your lips touched hers. Sparks and fireworks was all over your body. Your mind went haywire before going back online as Hanni pulled herself away from your lips. Her cheeks flushed red as she stared at you with her preety brown eyes. You touched your lips and stared at Hanni and it finally dawn at you at what transpired.

"Y/N. Do you really, really love me? Even after all what I did. You still love me?"

Her face still showed uncertainty but there was also hope now present unlike before. You gulped and took in a deep breath. Your answer to her question will determine what relationship will you have with Hanni.

"Hanni, I already have forgiven you when you apologized ro me. The past is past and what I want to look forwards too is how I'll spend my future with you. I Wil love you even if you turned to an ant, a bear or even a wolf. I love you Pham Hanni. I love you to the moon and back. I love-"

You were immediately cut off by the familiar peach flavored lips as Hanni kissed your lips shutting you up. Once again, her lips just send electrifying tingles all over your body and it also made feel relaxed and loved. You pulled her closer to you as you deepened the kiss.

.

.

BANG

.

.

Both of you were engulfed by a red light from the sky as both of you pulled away and looked up the sky as fireworks showcase finally began. Multiple fireworks began to explode in the air as the crowd was all mesmerized by the view. But you looked at Hanni as she looked at you two. Both your hearts began to beat again as Hanni pulled you close as your foreheads were at each other's.

"I love you too Y/N. I love you to the moon and back."

She gave you a heartfelt smile that was filled with happiness and love. And you showed your own smiled at her as your heart finally was at ease. You choose the person that your heart desired and didn't listen to your mind. You already went through a rough first love with Jiheon but Hanni, was the perfect love for you.

You could only laugh at the back of your mind realizing how your love story was so unique.

It started from bullying,

To her apologizing to you,

To her helping you change,

To see her change herself as well,

To being friends,

And now

Was finally lovers.

.

.

.

[earlff]

o que vem depois?

160324 – capa teste;

em caso de inspiração, me credite.

[mxmthorn]

 ᧔ ⑅ ᧓ NEWJEANS ICONS 120 x 120

[kopilot-pop]

[For you are loved.]

- New Jeans x Ex-IZ*ONE! Reader

Request: You can write New jeans(separate) x Ex-izonereader Who is exhausted because he takes so much criticism (Like Wonyoung, only worse because she suffers🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️😓😓😦)and just goes to them and lays on top of them, but oh..they fall asleep..just cute, Your works are too cute!!!!💗💗💗🐰🐰🐰😍😍

Warning(s): Cursing, self-hatred, cyber bullying, etc.

A/N: This is fluffy in the end so don’t be scared to read it because of the warnings. Love y’all, have fun!

———————————————————————

“I just don’t get why you’re with them.”

You froze.

You’re currently at a sign event, meeting hundreds of Bunnies, and having a chance to talk to them.

Everything went smoothly. You smiled at fans, they screamed, you said hi, they screamed, and when you posed for pictures you could hear clicks louder than the ones you heard on a red carpet.

Maybe you should’ve expected not everything could be that perfect.

A certain fan - although it’s clear she has a favorite - made you anxious the moment she sat down in front of you. You were last in the line, so you were able to watch the others interact with her. She brought small wrapped gifts for all your members, but when she arrived at your table, it was clear she was empty handed.

Not even a piece of paper for you to sign at a fucking sign event.

“I… I’m sorry?”

“You heard me.” She crosses her legs, folding up her arms on her chest. “I don’t understand why Ador even considered you to join.”

Realizing what’s happening, you quickly glance at the manager - unfortunately he’s busy handling an overexcited fan with Dani.

“I..”

“I don’t want your stupid signature, it’s the same lazy one you had with IZ*ONE.”

Oh.

“You should’ve just stayed alone and pathetic after the disbandment rather then ruining a perfect group.”

Wow.

“You’re an eye sore - do you even know that? A fucking rat standing next to the goddesses. Every day I pray that you get caught in a stupid scandal and leave like th-”

“Excuse me. Your time is over.”

The ‘fan’ quickly glares at the manager, and hurriedly leaves, stomping purposefully. He gently puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry I came too late. You can stay out for the rest if you’d like-”

“It’s okay! I can’t keep my fans waiting. Thank you though.” The fake smile clearly doesn’t ease up your manager’s mind, but he knows you well, and decided to leave you back to work with a simple pat.

—

On your way home you started to read the comments about the interaction.

The same girl decided to brag about her interaction on Twitter. You recognized her username, having seen her and several other fans that loved New Jeans, but hated you.

From editing songs and group photos to exclude you, apparently they decided to finally face you and say the same things that they posted on the internet more directly.

Her post gained attraction -and even though the replies were filled with Bunnies protecting you and explaining how the poster went too far - several replies were filled with hate towards you.

How untalented you are.

How much they hate your voice.

How you didn’t deserve to be with them.

And even a very detailed; ‘100 reasons why Y/n should leave NJ’.

“Number 23, her personality is way too bitchy...” You accidentally mumble out, causing Hyein to snap her head towards you.

“What in the world are you reading unnie?!”

The commotion caused all the girls to look back at the two of you, watching as Hyein snatches your phone out of your grip.

She takes a few seconds to scroll through the thread, as her face becomes more and more sour.

“H-Hyein! Give it back-!”

The younger girl furiously taps on your phone and shuts it off before handing it to you.

“Wha- what did you do?”

“I reported them. Don’t worry about it unnie.”

“But-”

“What the hell are you guys up to?”

Minji, finally awoken from her nap, looks at the two of you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Some asshole was saying shit about Y/n unnie.”

“Woah! Language!”

“My reaction is nothing compared to what Hanni unnie would say if she saw it.”

“Why are you dragging me into this?!”

Minji, now more concerned by the maknae’s reactions, stared at you.

“EVERYONE I’M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE.”

Haerin’s (rare) loud voice clears the van.

“We’ll talk when we get home.”

—

You quickly ran towards your bedroom, locking the door to avoid any contact. You shove your face into the bed letting out a loud groan.

‘I’m used to this. You’re used to this Y/n. This happened 4 years ago, it shouldn’t be that surprising for it to happen again...’

It was the same hate you received ever since you even joined Produce. It always happened, it always existed.

So why does it hurt so much this time?

Was it the comparing? Was it the comment about your skill? Maybe it was the way your members caught your brooding this time.

God, you hope they don’t know about the other times.

The nights you spent awake, wasting your mind reading disgusting comments from older videos. The holidays you spent crying alone at the dorm as you read yet another article about how you ‘mocked someone’. The hours you spent at the company, running your bones and muscles until you felt like ‘you deserved to be with them’.

You’re the most experienced one out of the whole group. You know how common negative comments are.

But it hurts so much more when you’re with the girls.

“Unnie?”

A knock causes you to shoot up from your crying session.

“Y-… Yup?! Yeah??”

You stumble towards the door, but before you could open the door, the full mirror next to your closet made you hesitate.

You teary face and clearly red eyes stopped you from opening the door.

“Um.. do you need something Dani?”

“Oh, yeah. The six of us are gonna have a movie night! Don’t you remember..?”

Shit. You forgot.

“I.. I’m sorry Dani. I think I have a cold. Don’t want you guys catching i-”

“A COLD?! Are you okay unnie!!? Do you need anything!?” Dani’s panic made you groan at your mistake.

After minutes of convincing her to join the others, you finally hear her shuffle away from the other side of the door.

You don’t wanna be seen like this. You’re the tough senior. You’re not the oldest, but the most experienced.

You deal with this alone. Not with others.

Why waste their energy anyways?

—

It’s 3 a.m. when you wake up on the floor.

Your face is still wet from the tears. You ears rang uncomfortably and the mirror still shows a very puffy, tired version of you.

Wiping your face with your sleeves, you quietly make your way to the kitchen - praying that the girls finished their movie night, and all went to bed.

You quietly creak open the door and tiptoe towards the kitchen. But before you could get there, something catches your eye.

The TV screen still plays an old comedy movie - shining a bright light towards the pile in front of the couch.

The air mattress you bought a few weeks ago was on the floor and the girls were all lying on top of it. That’s what you expected, so it wasn’t a surprise.

The empty pillow between Minji and Hanni was the surprising part.

The six of you always had an order you guys laid in.

And you always slept between Minji and Hanni.

You froze and stared at the cold pillow. The sore throat you felt disappeared, replaced by a sudden warmth in your chest. The tears didn’t feel as heavy as they did when you stood besides the mirror.

Like a magnet, you unconsciously gravitated towards the small space. You slowly laid down, staring up into the dark ceiling as the ringing in your ears turned into soft snores all around you.

You could finally hear the laugh tracks coming from the TV, the whirring of the fridge, and the shuffling of sheets.

It wasn’t loud, but enough to calm your mind.

You’re here. You’re in their arms. You’re not a target on the internet, you’re not a ghost from a different group, and you’re certainly not some bitchy asshole as the world makes you out to be.

You’re a New Jeans member.

You’re an adored idol.

And you’re certainly a loved group mate.

Hanni’s unconscious gentle hold on your arm reminds you of that, once again.

———————————————————————