#niall the wedge

[sleepy82louih]

Niall hanging out with gays since 2010

[1d1195]

Dolcezza VI

Read Dolcezza here.

Warnings: fluff, angst--lots of it. I know we're all waiting on the big reveal or whatever based on my cliff hanger but you're going to have to wait a little bit 😊

~8.4k words

The sun coming through the blinds outlined her like the angel she really was, and Harry was sure there were cartoon hearts floating around his head as he gazed at her.

“Do you want me to get Harry?” Niall asked.

“No!” She nearly shouted. Niall blinked in surprise. She cleared her throat and her face warmed as Harry’s best friend looked at her like she was nuts. She honestly felt a little crazy and she prayed to God the man up front didn’t hear her and give away that she was slowly losing her mind. “No, no... it’s... he’s not doing anything wrong,” if she lied to herself enough, maybe the problem would go away.

“He’s allowed to be in the same place as you?” Niall’s eyebrows rose half-way up his forehead. Obviously, he hated this.

If Niall hated this... she hated to think what Harry would do.

She shrugged one shoulder as casually as she could manage, then nodded. “It’s only fifty feet,” she murmured.

“You know the dimensions of this place?” Surprise and distaste were evident in his tone.

She swallowed the figurative rock that had wedged itself in her throat. She tried to take a deep breath as quietly and shallowly as possible. She could still feel his gaze on her back. He had to know she was terrified, and she didn’t want to give him any more excitement into knowing she was scared. “You learn to measure 50 feet by sight,” she mumbled.

“Tesorino, please let me tell Harry,” Niall begged.

She shook her head rapidly, feeling the intensity of his stare never faltering. “Niall, please. He’ll worry and it’s—”

“I’m worried,” he admitted, speaking lowly so only she could hear.

There was thick exasperation in her sigh. “Please don’t. It’s fine. He’s just...there.”

Niall answered her sigh with his own angry, frustrated one. “Tesorino, Harry would lose his mind. Worse, he would be devastated if you didn’t tell him. He’s already probably going to hate me for waiting this long to tell him and it’s only been three minutes. Please let me tell him.” She didn’t say anything. But Niall could see the exhaustion on her face. This couldn’t be easy for her. None of it. On top of a long day with her crazy family and car trouble. Niall thought she was brave just for being upright. “Tesorino,” he repeated leaning close. There was a pause that seemed to stretch on for hours but couldn’t have been more than ten seconds. Niall was doing his best not to stare back in the offending direction.

She had to say yes. Niall needed her to say yes. He didn’t know what would happen if she said no. He couldn’t imagine looking his best friend in the eye and keeping that from him. Not when he knew how much he adored this sweet girl. Niall was equally terrified. Over the months she lived above his workplace and stole his best friend’s heart, she turned out to be one of the funniest and best people he knew. He loved her in a way Harry didn’t. Because he adored her like a sister he never had and like the best-friend-in-law he already assumed she’d be, he couldn’t stand the thought of her getting hurt. He was ready to throw himself over the bar and stand in front of her if needed.

He held his breath for the ten seconds she paused. Waiting wordlessly, panicked that he would have to ruin his relationship with her if she said no. There was no way he wasn’t telling Harry.

Fortunately, she nodded. The slightest headshake. He knew it probably took a lot out of her to say she needed help. It wasn’t lost on him, and he hoped he could convince Harry to see it that way. He released a breath for about as long as he held it. “Thank you, Tesorino,” Niall sighed with relief. “Harry!” He shouted, starting back for the kitchen.

She grabbed his hand right as it lifted off the bar before he made his way to Harry. He turned his attention back to her. Her hand squeezing his gently. “Please don’t leave me alone,” she whispered, her voice small.

Niall’s heart broke right in half. “Fuck,” What an idiot. “Of course not, Tesorino,” he promised and covered her hand with his other and squeezed it back with a gentle smile. It was meant to be encouraging but he was afraid it was filled with pity.

“I was looking for you. S’matter?” Harry asked, stepping up to the kitchen window. His hand zoomed in on Niall’s touching hers. Her gaze dropped to the bar already feeling like she was in trouble. “Oh...hey, Principessa. Y’okay?” Niall turned, still holding her hand giving it a reassuring squeeze as he faced Harry. Never once letting go. Patrons at the bar beside her were staring every so often at the weird chain she and Niall made as he spoke to Harry—it couldn’t have been more than thirty seconds. But the only thing she could really sense was the gaze at her back. It killed her to stay facing forward. It felt like the hardest thing in the world.

Niall spoke quietly. The din of the restaurant covering the noise of his words. Words that she didn’t want to hear and words that made her feel sick. She felt hot and scared.

Not to mention, completely defeated.

She couldn’t look up to see the disappointment on Harry’s face.

Suddenly there was a hand on her back, and she was startled so badly she let a tiny yelp out of her throat before Harry’s cologne invaded her nose. Before she could jolt her head back Harry’s lips were right near her ear. If anyone heard her, they paid no mind. She could almost feel his lips touching her earlobe as he spoke. The hand on her back pressed gently and soothingly against her spine. “S’time t’go Principessa,” he murmured lowly.

It was one of the only times in her life that she could remember letting someone else take charge and worry about her. It scared her almost as much as feeling the gaze of her stalker on the back of her head.

*

The poor thing must have whispered sorry about ten thousand times. It broke Harry’s heart. Especially after the nice day he had with her. He thought he had broken down a ton of walls and was excited to kiss her until she was breathless when he brought her back to her place.

Now they were in the kitchen strategizing, or at least, Niall and Harry were. The three settled by the lockers for the staff, sitting on the little bench. Harry was pacing nervously while Niall tapped on the bench with his fingertips while thinking. The rest of the staff ignored them. They were getting close to closing the kitchen down anyway, so Niall wasn’t needed as much, and Harry wasn’t even supposed to be there.

She was sitting mutely beside Niall, feeling like an idiot for believing this wouldn’t catch up to her. It had been a blissful, almost year. She was hopeful he was just gone, found someone new to bother. Or something else... anything but this. Harry was pacing listening to Niall trying to get an idea of what was happening up at the front of the restaurant by asking one of the waiters to keep an eye on that table and let them know when the guy there left. Harry had his hands pressed to his lips, steepled in front of him.

“Principessa,” Harry said putting a hand on her shoulder making her jump again. “What do y’think?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I’m... I’m so sorry. I wasn’t focused, can you—”

Niall smiled at her sympathetically. “S’okay, Tesorino,” he promised reaching over and squeezing her knee soothingly. “Harry—but also very much me, too—would feel more comfortable if you stayed at our place.”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Trying to sound braver than she felt. Which was albeit very little. “It’s probably not that big of a deal... I can stay in my apartment. I wouldn’t want to put either of you out or—”

Harry sighed and tilted his head back. It was obvious he was frustrated. Maybe even... angry... at her. “S’not a problem, Principessa,” his voice was clipped. Irritated.

She felt like everything that she talked about with Harry today was ruined. She looked at her hands in her lap. Fiddling with the thumb ring she bought she spun it around and around below her knuckle. “We’d feel safer with you at our place,” Niall was a little calmer than Harry. She envied that. Wished she could be calmer. Harry looked like he was going to rip the hair out of his head. He ran a hand over his face. The waiter came by to report that the man was gone, and all three sighed with relief.

“Can I get some stuff?” She asked quietly.

Niall tutted sadly. It really felt like she was in trouble at school. Harry looked so worried but immensely... mad. An emotion she hadn’t seen on his sweet features once in the nine months she had known him. “Course, Tesorino,” Niall nodded easily. “Harry will take you up to get whatever you need.”

*

Harry was silent the entire drive. Further making it feel like everything that was and could have been between them was ruined. He didn’t even hold her hand. It was completely unfair because she had spent many car rides without his hand in hers and it wasn’t a big deal. Now, after one day, it felt cold and horrible. It felt wrong and made her want to hold his hand so very badly in an attempt to fix it.

The time she spent packing was tense and silent too. Harry didn’t rush her, but he may as well have had a timer. It felt like everything she did was wrong and awful. She also packed way too much stuff which added to her stress. It looked like she was going on vacation for a whole week and that had to be overwhelming for Harry. For all she knew, he wanted to make out with her and maybe start dating. Not have her move in immediately.

Due to her frustrated daydreaming, she didn’t realize they were parked in a driveway. Niall had gotten a ride home from Antonio just a little before them, so he was able to do a scan ahead of time and sent a reassuring text that it was all safe to enter. She opened her door and Harry leaned across her immediately and pulled it shut. She turned to him, her expression a bit bewildered.

He got out of the car wordlessly and came to her side where he opened the door for her. He smiled weakly. The first sign of her Harry in an hour. “S’my job t’open doors for you, Principessa,” he murmured.

Her heart fluttered. “Oh, I’m sorry,” she answered because she didn’t know what else to say to that. She stepped out of the car and Harry released a light chuckle. She could tell Harry was trying to be casual as he looked around. Luckily, the neighborhood was small. It would be obvious if there were an unknown car parked nearby. Or a stranger lurking in the shadows. Someone would have called the police for such a suspicion before Niall even noticed.

He grabbed her duffle bag from the back, and she pulled her backpack from the passenger floor and slid it on before they walked toward the house. Niall’s car was parked beside Harry’s. The house was adorable. Not too big. Just one story with a nice yard. Niall mentioned it was two bedrooms, two bathrooms. Of course, there was a big kitchen because it’s where Niall and Harry shined, and it was important they had one.

Even if they rarely used it since all their time was spent at the restaurant.

She jumped when the light turned on for the front steps. “Jesus Christ,” she muttered.

Harry smiled sadly. The poor thing. Harry let her inside first, peeking one last time over his shoulder grateful there was nothing out of place as he closed the door. The three seemed to sigh with relief as Niall closed the front door and locked it.

“Welcome home, Tesorino,” Niall winked. He yawned, stretched, and smiled sweetly. “Make yourself at home, but m’very tired.”

“Yeah, of course,” she nodded quickly. “I’m sorry—”

“Shh,” he hushed, shaking his head easily, and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Sleep well, love. S’all good,” he promised and shuffled down the hall.

She felt wildly uncomfortable. Poor Harry. This was not what he signed up for. “C’mon,” he hummed and started after Niall toward what she assumed was the hallway with the bedrooms and bathrooms.

Harry opened one door and flicked on the light. “S’my bathroom. Niall’s is connected t’his room, so if y’have t’use it, y’gotta go through his room. But be careful, he has laundry mountains,” he warned. She wanted to inspect it more. What kind of shower curtain did he choose? Did he pick out the hand towels himself? Was it annoying that when they had friends over, they had to use his bathroom?

She smiled. “I don’t see myself going through his room.”

“Jus’ letting you know,” he shrugged.

She frowned. The vibe was so incredibly tense. He was visibly mad. “This is my room,” he flicked on the light as he entered the door across the hall from the bathroom. It was pretty minimalist. A dresser, a bed, a nightstand, a desk. On top of his desk was a collection of books lined up and bookended by a pair of brackets shaped like a bicycle going through the books. His laptop and a picture of what she assumed was his mom and sister were next to the books, too. There was a closet along the front wall, and she felt the need to look in and see all of Harry’s clothes. Most of the time she saw him in his ever-present black kitchen ensemble. Today’s adventure was one of the only times she saw him in dark jeans and a long-sleeve Henley. She imagined there was more where that came from but still wanted to know. Or maybe he just used it as storage and dress shirts. But it was exactly the kind of thing she wanted to know because of the stress of the last hour.

The room was painted with a light color. It was almost white, but she swore there was a hint of yellow-almost-peach color hiding in there and she only knew that because she was staring at it trying to figure out what color it was. “Mum insisted on the color,” he rolled his eyes. “Said m’choice of dark blue was depressing.”

She smiled again thinking about how nice it was that he listened to his mom. His bedspread was dark navy, pulled to the top of the mattress with four fluffy pillows. It matched the area rug he had under the desk. All his furniture was dark brown in color. “Blue would have been too dark,” she agreed. He smirked and rolled his eyes. It eased the anxiety in her heart a little.

“Are y’tired?” He asked.

“Hmm?”

“Tired, Principessa?” He repeated and she wondered if he thought she was stupid now. It felt like she was stupid.

“Uh...yeah.”

Wordlessly, he opened two drawers grabbing a couple of things out of his dresser. Then he stole a pillow off the bed. “M’gonna let y’sleep, then,” he said. “Wake me up if y’need anything. M’usually up by eight at latest on the weekend. But wake me up if y’get up earlier,” he promised heading for the living room.

She shook her head as if all at once, her brain returned to her head after the last hour. “Where are you going?” She asked stepping into the hall watching his retreating figure. He looked so boyish, carrying a pillow at his side, dragging it like a little kid. It was adorable.

He turned around to her looking at her with confusion. “T’sleep, kitten,” he smirked with an eyeroll.

Her heart stopped and she felt flustered all over again. “On the couch?!” Her voice cracked.

“Uh... yeah?”

“Harry,” she shook her head. “I can’t... I can’t kick you out of your bed,” she said hurriedly. “I won’t sleep.”

He smiled softly and shrugged. “S’okay, Principessa. Want you t’be comfortable.”

“I will be so uncomfortable if you sleep out there while I’m in your bed,” he looked pretty resolute in his decision, and she thought she might lose this one. It made her feel horrible. And she wasn’t sure she was very-well brave enough to go follow him into the main room and cram herself against him on the sofa if he did make his way out there. “Harry,” she whined and twisted her fingers together anxiously. “Please, don’t,” she begged.

“Well s’no chance m’letting y’sleep on the couch, kitten. So... s’very limited in our options here.”

“You can sleep with me,” she said quickly. Then her face turned the same shade as a firetruck. Harry smirked and she put a hand over her eyes. Harry stepped back toward her.

“I can, hmm?” He asked with a lilt in his voice that sounded like her Harry. The one that teased her, soothed her, and made her feel like nothing bad could ever happen to her simply because he liked her so much.

She pulled her hand away from her blushing face. Harry was standing with just inches of space between them. Her head tilted back so she could look at him. His green eyes hooded by his eyelids, and she realized he looked damn near exhausted. As much as she wanted to make out with him, it seemed unfair. The car, her family, the driving, the stalker. It was all a lot for anyone to deal with and definitely not what Harry signed up for today.

Of course, he made it seem like it didn’t bother him, but even she was tired. She couldn’t imagine how he felt. “Er...” she swallowed. “I meant... your bed is big,” she murmured. “And when I’m tired, I sleep like a zombie,” she admitted. “I mean, I won’t move or roll around and get in your space.”

“Hmm...” she could feel the breath of his exhale across her cheeks. “What if I want you in my space?” He wondered. Her voice felt like it was dead. Gone completely. No longer there.

“You don’t hate me?” She managed to whisper. “Or think I’m annoying? Or want me out of your hair? I know this is more than what you ever wanted to deal with today. On a day off to boot.”

She watched him wince very minutely. A twinge of his lips, a wrinkle on his forehead, and a quick jolt of his head twisting to the left. “M’not answering any of those silly questions, Principessa,” he responded instead.

“But you’ve been so mad the entire drive here. You... you didn’t hold my hand,” she whispered like a dumb elementary school student whose crush pushed another girl on the swing set.

His gaze softened. The pinch in his brow disappeared and his eyes went back from laser focused to the gentleness he always seemed to have when he looked at her. He brought his hand to her face and brushed his thumb on her cheek. “M’not mad at you. Of course, m’not. Y’did nothing wrong. You are...” he shook his head. “M’terrified of something hurting you. Someone hurting you. M’mad at him. I could never be mad at you, m’Principessa,” he whispered. “Been dreaming ‘bout you in m’bed. I’d probably sleep like a rock jus’ thinking ‘bout you in here while out on the couch,” he admitted making her heart stop. Harry knew all the right things to say. “After the last couple hours...” he stared at her steadily. “If I sleep in the same bed as you, kitten,” he shook his head and clucked his tongue. “I wouldn’t be able t’let y’go,” he promised.

Part of her thought she should be embarrassed by his statement, but she had been dreaming about way worse than Harry sharing a bed with her since she met him. Each time they touched she thought her heart would explode. When she watched him chop vegetables, or any time she caught a glimpse of his fingers doing anything, she imagined inappropriate touches that would make him think she was insane. “I’m okay with that,” she whispered breathlessly.

“M'gonna kiss you now,” he told her leaning closer to her. “M’not going t’stop for a while,” he promised.

“Are your rooms soundproof?” It wasn’t even a whisper anymore—it was quieter than that. The air that escaped her lips came out nervously. She was lucky he could understand her. It was a stupid thing to ask but her brain was malfunctioning once more, and it was the only thing she could think about; Niall just two rooms over and across the hall.

There was an ache in his jeans at her question, and he let out a low moan from his throat. His lips were so close to hers. “We’ll have t’find out,” he whispered, his lips brushing hers as he spoke. Not a kiss, just touching as he said the words. It still set her on fire. Harry dropped the pillow and his clothes and wrapped his arms around her waist firmly, before sinking his mouth on hers in a kiss that she felt all the way to her toes. She ached everywhere, immediately and let out a groan as he lifted her just so her toes brushed the floor and could easily push her back into his room. He kicked the door shut and she truly prayed the walls were thick and wouldn’t embarrass herself in front of Niall tomorrow morning.

*

She woke up after feeling like she had slept for a whole week. Her lips felt swollen, and light was filtering in from the window. It landed on the expanse of Harry’s muscular back unmarred by tattoos which she now knew covered almost every inch of his torso and most of his left arm, but not the right. As much as she wanted to take Harry’s boxers off last night, she could see the same amount of fatigue in his eyes as she felt in her own body. So, true to his word, they kissed and kissed and kissed and didn’t stop for a while—until her breath was so shallow Harry started to worry about her all over again.

Harry pulled almost all her clothes off, running his hands up and down her body in a way she had never experienced. It was as if he was searching for something but was still so gentle. Like whatever he was searching for was in an area filled with bubbles and he wasn’t allowed to pop any of them. It made her feel beautiful and whole. For however long they kissed, (she hadn’t a clue because she didn’t time it) she forgot about everything except Harry.

The tiredness took over eventually and Harry clutched her body to his. His body was warm and protective around hers, spooned behind her. “Is it everything you dreamed?” She whispered, her arms stacked and nearly crossed around the cage he had her in his embrace.

“S’better, Principessa,” he mumbled and kissed the back of her head. Her skin was so soft and warm. It really was better than he could have dreamed. But he promptly fell asleep.

Obviously, they had turned and moved a bit in their sleep. She leaned over and pressed kisses at evenly spaced intervals down his spine. She caught sight of his alarm clock reading 7:18. She didn’t want to wake him up—at least not till eight because he deserved all the sleep he could get after yesterday. But she couldn’t keep her lips off him. The room was chilly and lifting herself from under the covers to lean over and kiss his skin let the heat out from their little cocoon. It killed her to think he would have to go to work in the evening. Maybe earlier. He probably had prep stuff to do.

Her mind spiraled a bit, wondering if she would go with them. Maybe she should go back home? She kind of missed the smell of garlic and olive oil and didn’t realize it was such a comfort to help her fall asleep. Or would she stay here? She could get a new comfort in Harry’s lips.

Harry’s breathing was steady, no indication that her lips had woken him. But she heard her phone vibrate from somewhere in the pile of her stuff. She slipped out of bed feeling guilty and wrong about leaving him. She grabbed her phone and managed to find a shirt and pair of pants from her duffle bag and picked up her phone so when it started to vibrate again, signaling the person at the other end was not giving up, it wouldn’t bother Harry. Near silently, she stepped out of the room closing the door quietly.

Luckily, Niall and Harry’s floors didn’t creak when she padded back toward the main room. “Hello?” She asked her phone softly.

“Where are you?” Eleanor asked alertly. “I’ve never seen that address before and I’m terrified. Are you alright?”

Shit. She should have warned her.“I’m fine,” she assured her immediately. “Really, everything’s fine,” she promised her through her whispers.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because Harry and Niall are sleeping,” she sighed and put a hand to cover her eyes.

The silence was deafening. “Are you...?” Eleanor gasped. “Halelujah!” She sang. She smiled and felt herself blush even though she had no reason to. It’s not like Eleanor or anyone for that matter could see her. “So that’s Harry’s address?”

“Yes, Mom,” she rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to worry—” She stopped and cleared her throat because she didn’t want to worry Eleanor and certainly didn’t want to lie to her. But technically, there was a need to worry. “You don’t have to worry right now,” at least that was the truth. Technically. Hopefully, she could figure something out before it became a serious problem. “Why are you awake?” She asked.

“I had to pee and needed water and I checked my phone for the time, and it said you were at a new, unfamiliar location,” Eleanor sighed with relief. “How did you end up there?”

She sighed. “It’s... a long story,” one that she didn’t have details for yet because she didn’t know all of them. Ones that she didn’t want to worry Eleanor with when she was supposed to be asleep. “I’ll... call you later. Go back to sleep. I’m okay,” she promised.

Eleanor released a yawn, and she could hear the ruffle of sheets. “She’s okay,” she whispered.

“Wonderful,” she heard Louis grumble.

“Jesus Eleanor, let the poor man sleep,” she rolled her eyes.

“Enjoy La Casa di Harry,” Eleanor sang once more, then hung up almost instantly.

*

Harry was just starting to wake up. Bits of a dream he didn’t remember still on the edge of his mind. But he smelled bacon, home fries, and toast. He moaned quietly as he stretched and turned to see the sweet girl, the star of all his daydreams, standing in the doorway with a plate of food steaming in the early sunlight. His chest felt a warmth he couldn’t describe. “Hey Principessa.”

The groggy, warm, and creaky voice he had when he woke up was her new favorite thing. She felt a pulse of adoration for him flow through her like she had been electrocuted. She was lucky she held onto the plate. “I made you an omelet,” she answered softly. She hated being loud in the mornings. Mornings were meant to be quiet and gentle.

“You didn’t have t’do that,” he sat up against the headboard. She walked over to him, dodging Harry’s discarded jeans and T-shirt, and stepped around her own jeans and sweater.

“I did, though,” she nodded knowingly.

“Did y’sleep okay?” He asked as she settled the plate in his lap. It looked delicious and Harry’s stomach growled without him fully realizing how hungry he was.

“Very,” she smiled. “I... I just want to bring Niall his breakfast, then I’ll be back,” she said standing beside him as he looked at her. The sun coming through the blinds outlined her like the angel she really was, and Harry was sure there were cartoon hearts floating around his head as he gazed at her.

“Hurry,” he said cutely biting into the toast. She giggled and scurried to the kitchen and then back down the hall. Harry sipped from the water bottle he left on his nightstand and nearly choked as he realized his mistake. “Wait!” He called.

“Oh... oh I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, you make breakfast, too?” Niall asked sleepily. Harry sighed, tilting his head back against the board behind him and rolled his eyes. “Gonna have to compete for you soon, Tesorino, if Harry doesn’t make a move,” there was a pause and Niall shuffled by Harry’s door. Naked as the day he was born.

She stood in the doorway looking a little surprised and pink cheeked as ever. Harry smirked. “Should have warned you.”

“Any time you want to make me breakfast in bed, Tesorino, my door is always opened.” Niall smiled and pecked her blushing cheek as he headed back to his room holding the plate and ketchup bottle in his hand.

She looked at Harry who casually nibbled on his yummy food. “Did y’make yourself some or are we sharing?” He asked.

She shook her head to rid herself of the image of Niall naked across his bed. “Uh... hold on,” she said. “I’ll go get my plate,” she answered.

“Must have got her second guessing,” Niall shouted.

“Niall, shut it,” Harry growled.

*

After they ate the yummy food, she put their plates in the sink and promised she would wash everything in a bit. She closed the door as she returned, hurried to snuggle under the blankets, and curled up to Harry’s warm body. This had to be what heaven was like. Harry holding her in the sun-rising morning on a Saturday. After a few little turns and movements, she wound up lying with her ear pressed to his heart. His fingers skimmed up and down the length of her arm and it was hard to believe that after all the time he spent thinking about her in this capacity, she was here. Even if there were a million problems and he was still exhausted just by thinking about last night... she was here.

There wasn’t a thing he had done in his life that felt as nice as holding her.

The rise and fall of her body against his made him happy. She was okay. Physically. He certainly wasn’t going to let anyone get to her. After a bit of contemplation, he noticed she had fallen back asleep. He brushed his lips on her forehead and combed her hair softly along her hairline with the pads of his fingertips.

It was easy to pretend nothing was wrong because it felt so perfect. He tried not to think about all the problems that were outside their little cocoon. He wanted to take the night off but honestly, not working might make his mind a little too wandering to all the bad that could happen.

Plus, if she came along to the restaurant or her place, she would only be a short walk away. Not a ten-minute drive across town that would make his anxiety skyrocket. She startled awake, just about as quickly as she fell asleep. It couldn’t have been more than seven minutes. She twitched and frowned, nuzzling her nose against his chest. “Y’okay, Principessa?” His voice was low and gravelly. He kissed her forehead, but it felt like he was kissing on the part of her heart that was infatuated and in love with him.

“Hmm,” she hummed. “Think I fell asleep again for a minute,” she murmured.

“S’okay. Y’can sleep,” he offered. “M’not going anywhere for a while.”

“No?” She asked, was that hope in her voice? God, he was going to say something stupid like he loved her.

“Niall’s going t’do prep. I’ll go in right before the waiters and waitresses do for the evening,” he explained. “So, we’ve got some time t’relax,” he promised. The smile on her face couldn’t stop and Harry thought he might explode from how sweet she looked. “What?” He asked.

“I’m glad... we get to spend the day together,” she admitted, her cheeks turning his favorite shade of pink. It was adorable to see her tuck her face into Harry’s chest. He thought his heart might explode if he fell any harder for her.

“All y’had t’do was ask, Principessa,” he pressed his lips to the crown of her head. Her skin was so soft and he had blindly felt every inch of her in their late night make out session. He kissed her repeatedly until his lips were sore and the tug on his own lips from hers got weaker. “’D’ve been at y’door any time,” he promised.

“I really thought you were mad at me last night,” she whispered sadly.

“You?” He shook his head. “Can’t imagine a way, la mia dolcezza.”

Her heart ached so badly for him.

*

They shared at least a thousand more kisses. Her breathing was erratic when Niall knocked on the door and Harry managed to calmly answer him. His body was hovering above hers, his hips locked between her thighs. “M’heading out,” he called.

“Bye Niall,” Harry said without an ounce of suggestion that they were doing anything other than playing a board game. She was astounded he could keep his composure like that. Maybe she wasn’t so good at kissing him like she had hoped (but Harry assured her it had nothing to do with that, but he just wanted Niall to go away faster).

“Bye Tesorino,” he called with a smile in his voice. Her voice felt shaky when she answered (even though Harry assured her many times over that Niall had no idea she was breathless from kissing).

Harry’s body was lean but sinewy. His boxer briefs pulled tight around what had to be... she couldn’t think about his penis too long or she would be done for. But she could feel his hard length grinding against her core as he kissed her and kissed her for way longer than she thought she’d be able to emotionally handle after a day spent with her family and finding out her stalker was back.

Eventually her stomach signaled to the pair of them that it was time to eat again. Harry headed to the kitchen to get something ready for her. “S’no garlic bread and eggplant,” he shrugged with a wry smile handing her a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and celery sticks.

She never wanted to leave.

“M’gonna, shower, kitten,” he kissed her forehead. “Shout if y’need something, yeah?”

“Or if I want to join?” She asked, batting her eyelashes up at him innocently.

He groaned. “Don’t tempt me, Principessa,” he kissed her quickly on the lips. Fortunately, Eleanor texted her to keep her occupied the length of his shower.

Do you live there now?

She put the phone to her ear and Eleanor answered on the second ring. “I don’t live here.”

“You haven’t left yet. Which is awfully suspicious.”

She smirked and rolled her eyes. “He spent the day with my family yesterday,” she said softly. “Emma called me a bossy bitch and he told her that it wasn’t very nice,” she swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat—the same one she had yesterday when she overheard the conversation. “And he met Ethan—”

“Jesus Christ,” she whispered back.

“—El, he’s...” she sighed shaking her head. “He’s wonderful.”

“I know. We’ve been waiting for you to notice!”

She rolled her eyes but chatted with El for the length of his shower. The sound of the water running eventually stopped and she promised Eleanor to call her again with a better update.

Harry returned to his room with a towel wrapped on his hips and even though she had spent all night and morning pressed to his mostly naked body, save the boxers, this was somehow more naked. Her heart was flying, and she tried not to stare. “Could I also shower?”

He chuckled. “Course, kitten. Let me get you a towel.”

She wished she was cheekier to ask him for his. But instead, she took the time to let the hot water run over her body and further forget about the crazy day she had yesterday. The difference between the state of her brother’s bathroom versus Harry’s was immense. She wanted to send a picture to him and Ethan explaining what their bathroom was supposed to look like, but she didn’t want him to know she was in Harry’s bathroom.

Once showered and dressed, Harry was waiting in the living room. He smiled at the sight of her, dressed in leggings and a dress that fell just above her knees. She looked beautiful, simply put. Even with wet hair he swore she could be a model. (But she strongly denied such a statement when he voiced it to her). She settled herself next to him. Snuggling into his embrace. The afternoon was quiet. He kissed the top of her head every so often while running his hand up and down her arm. She suggested reading for a while and Harry thought it was adorable and sweet. Her face was concentrated while her eyes scanned the pages. A pucker between her eyebrows. Harry thought she was adorable. It was hard to concentrate on his own book when she was in his house, on his couch, sitting so close to him.

About an hour before Harry mentioned they needed to leave for him to head to work, she noticed a shift in him. It was like the night before. When he didn’t hold her hand in the car and when he seemed so...cold. It was almost subtle, the way his body language and demeanor changed. Although they spent the better part of the day in silence (between reading and kissing) the silence within the last hour before they left was tense and cold.

Harry held the door open to his car again. She thanked him graciously. “Oh... I forgot my stuff,” she realized. The distraction of his change in attitude had thrown her off again. It was hard to think straight. She meant to take it with her when they left but, in the moment, Harry had asked if she was ready to go and his voice was so flat, so devoid of inflection, she wondered if he had been replaced with someone else that looked like him.

He cleared his throat putting the car in reverse despite the predicament. “M’bringing y’back here,” he shrugged.

She frowned. “Oh.”

Tense silence ensued. Biting the inside of her lip, she wanted to be braver and reach out and grab his hand. Just like the night before and try to squeeze his fingers between hers. It felt unfair they had to leave their bubble of peace and quiet. Heading to the restaurant—especially knowing he might show up—was obviously ruining whatever was happening here between her and Harry.

He parked outside the restaurant, the sidewalk filling with people for the Saturday dinner rush. Harry scanned as quickly as he could and took a deep breath. “Do y’see him?”

She swallowed and shook her head. She knew she would know if he was there. It happened every time he was around. It was like his gaze was magnetic toward her and there was nothing like the sense of someone staring at her. “Are y’okay?” He asked. “I can take y’back t’my place.”

The thought of being alone in Harry and Niall’s house while Harry was working seemed agonizing. He wouldn’t be home until midnight—maybe later. She bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head. “I’m fine,” she promised.

“Principessa,” his voice was gentle.

“You didn’t hold my hand,” she whispered. “Again.”

Harry sighed, ran a hand over his face and then tapped his hands on the steering wheel. “M’sorry. But...m’scared,” he admitted. “M’going t’do anything t’protect you, my love,” he promised. It felt like her heart skipped a beat at the new pet name. “But, m’really scared,” he admitted. “If something happens t’you...” he shook his head. “I feel like...like I just got you,” of course he did. He did just get her. It was barely twenty-four hours ago that he had kissed her for the first time. “There’s so much I want t’know ‘bout you. So much I want t’spend time learning and m’jus,’” he shook his head. “S’not fair.”

It wasn’t fair. Harry didn’t deserve this. He deserved easy. Deserved a girl that didn’t have a crazy loud family or a stalker. Harry deserved a pretty girl that... wasn’t her. “Nothing is going to happen to me,” she whispered. It was nice that her voice sounded more courageous than she felt.

“Principessa,” he looked at her pointedly. He reached out, cupped her face softly and skimmed his thumb along her cheek. “You are deflecting,” he said knowingly, a sad smirk on the corner of his mouth. “Trying t’get me not t’worry ‘bout you.”

It felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. She did it implicitly without even her brain acknowledging it. She looked at her lap even though Harry still held the side of her face to keep her from moving. “You...you don’t need to.”

“M’always going t’worry ‘bout you, Principessa,” it sounded like a promise.

No one ever worried about her. Except maybe Eleanor—but mostly about the stalker and not much else. Not in a bad way, Eleanor just knew she was okay aside from that . But Mom and Dad depended on her for everything. Growing up she did way more than was expected of her. Carrying a weight on her shoulders that she didn’t know she could hold. James and Emma did the same thing. They didn’t even mean to, it just happened. She didn’t need to be worried about by other people. She was the worrier. Like it was her job. We don’t need to worry about her. She’s lovely. Every parent-teacher conference. Every guidance counselor. Every supervisor or boss. No one ever worried about her.

But here was Harry.

The emotion in her throat felt like it was tying her vocal cords together. She nodded silently. “Okay,” she whispered.

“What do y’want t’do?” He asked softly. He could see something wracking her brain. Something making her spin out internally. He wanted to read her mind more than he wanted anything in the world. Wanted to know what she was trying to keep from him.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. That was probably as close as he could possibly get to reading her mind.

“Okay,” he grabbed her hand with the one not holding her face. His gaze dropped to her eyes, and he applied gentle pressure to the side of her face. A reminder he wanted her to maintain the eye contact she was obviously nervous to hold. “Then m’going t’make a few decisions for you. If y’don’t like it, y’don’t have t’do it, alright?” She nodded. She wasn’t sure anyone in her life had ever given her direction before. It felt weird just imagining. Always the decision maker, always a leader, never a follower. “I’d like y’to hang in the kitchen. Y’can work or whatever. M’sure there’s stuff t’do. When we’re done, I want you t’come home with me again,” he scanned her face for anything that might upset her. “S’that sound alright?”

She nodded silently. It did sound nice. “Can...can I check a couple things I didn’t get yesterday?”

“Of course,” he nodded. “M’not...” he sighed. “M’not ordering you that y’have t’do this. M’jus’ trying t’make this easier on me and you,” his voice was gentle, of course it was. She nodded.

“I know, I appreciate it,” sincerity thick in her voice.

“One last thing,” he murmured, leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

She pulled back, away from his mouth so she could look up at him expectantly and he smiled, the first real smile since his demeanor changed with the thought of heading back to work, her apartment, and essentially, the scene of the crime. “If y’want t’hold m’hand, you jus’ have t’reach out and grab it, Principessa. M’all yours,” he promised and kissed her forehead again before dropping her hand and her face to exit the car.

*

When there was a lull, she told Harry she was going to head upstairs and check on a few things. He responded with a half-smile. It was so sexy it made a shock short through her. Her hands smelled like garlic from peeling cloves of it and her eyes kept watering from chopping shallots, so she knew her mascara was smudged. But Harry was looking at her as if she was made out of Christmas lights, sunsets, flowers, and anything else that was beautiful.

“Principessa,” he said quickly stepping away from the flutter of activity of the main part of the kitchen. “You’re sure he’s not here?” He asked again.

She nodded. “I’m sure,” she promised. “I wouldn’t...I wouldn’t go up there alone if he was.”

“Okay,” he pecked her cheek. “Jus’ call if there’s a problem, yeah?”

She smiled assuredly. “Of course.”

She headed to the front of the restaurant, sidestepping the waiting customers and realized her car still wasn’t there. In her hot kisses and time spent with Harry, she forgot completely that her car was still at the shop. Nonetheless, she went to her mailbox—blended in with the other businesses nearby and unlocked it with a small key. The complaints of the wait were minimal—even in the February degree temperatures. “There’s a really hot chef here,” a girl about her age muttered to her friend.

She smirked excited to tell Harry about the compliment. Fortunately, the alleyway still wasn’t creepy. Neither was the stairwell to her apartment. Both miracles because she was a little worried that might happen and another reason why she wanted to get the mail before heading down the small space. Everything in her apartment was in the very same place.

She sighed and sat on her couch with the pile of mail. Since most of her important mail was online, she didn’t really go to the mailbox all that often. She grabbed a notepad of paper she had been using interchangeably for a grocery list and to do list. She pulled the top layer off which read eggs, milk, bread, standard things she always needed. The grocery list went on her coffee table, and she started scribbling a second list. Chores she needed to get done around here, in theory tomorrow. She was pretty sure she could convince Harry to take her home earlier while he did prep work.

The car needed to be dealt with Monday—especially if she was to drive herself to work in the office on Thursday. She added a couple details about work and then sifted through the envelopes. Not much mail was delivered to the apartment. There was the standard issued fliers for the grocery store, which she set aside to clip coupons. Mostly junk mail and letters asking for donations. Her W-2 arrived—finally. It turned out that HR didn’t finalize her new address when she moved above Dolcezza. Which was a good thing in some ways, but she wanted to get her taxes done sooner rather than later—which was then added to her do list now that she had the paperwork to do it. While she went through the remaining envelopes, scanning expiration dates for coupons she might not have gotten to in time, she decided to answer her text messages she had missed.

Thanks for the help, little love. Her mom had texted. It was nice to meet Harry.

Her cheeks heated up as she slid her finger in the envelopes making piles of trash and things to add to different files. Coupons for her favorite retailers also made a significant little pile.

Always, Momma.

Thanks for the cupcakes. Emma had messaged her at about noon. Probably in the middle of the bake sale, but at the time she was making out with Harry and completely forgot to respond. She tried to remember if Emma had ever texted her thanks, ever.

No problem, Em! I'd do anything for you. She hoped she already knew that but after overhearing her talk to Harry, she wasn't so sure, and wanted to be clearer.

There were two messages from Eleanor that she would get to later, still. She didn’t need to open the thread to know she was asking for details about Harry that she wasn’t sure she was ready to answer yet. The final missed messages came from the three-person chat that included James and Ethan. It was a picture of a freshly cleaned bathroom. A candle lit and new fluffy hand towels.

Would you sleepover with me now? Ethan asked.

She rolled her eyes and snorted. James sent a vomiting emoji.

No, but I wouldn’t hate having to pee there.

Ethan answered immediately. Even after her long delay. Hot, with a heart-eye emoji.

You need help.

Quit hitting on my sister!

She honestly couldn’t wait to show Harry the messages. It was funny.

For a moment she forgot about the weekend. The craziness of it all. She was simply going through her mail, smelling the garlic and olive oil rising from the restaurant. Harry was down there waiting anxiously for her to get back, she was sure.

So, in the forgetfulness of the crazy weekend, it was a bit jarring to look at the last piece of mail she had pulled from the envelope and see herself in a picture of the little alleyway from about a week prior. Her work bag on her shoulder and a coffee cup in hand. She had stooped to pick up a package outside the entry way of the door up to her place. There was a small note behind the picture. A scrap piece of paper, really.

It took her a moment to realize it wasn’t because the writing was illegible, but because her hand was shaking while she held it, her eyes blurring with tears.

I knew I’d find you again. I missed you.

--

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[zorosleftshoe]

What A Time - (x.t)

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x Fem!reader

Summary: Wednesday Addams has drove a wedge between you and your boyfriend, Xavier. Will it be enough for you to move on? Or will you fight for the love you two share?

Warnings: angst

“I think of that night in the park

It was getting dark

And we stayed up for hours

What a lie, what a lie, what a lie

You would cling to my body like you wanted it forever

What a lie, what a lie, what a lie”

Wednesday Addams. The name left a bitter taste in my mouth as I sat in the courtyard watching her interact with Xavier, Enid, and Ajax. It wasn’t that I considered her a threat, even that she had done anything wrong. The problem was Xavier’s deeply rooted interest he had recently mentioned in one of our late night discussions. She was peculiar, mysterious, and more importantly new.

Bianca Barclay had warned me months ago when Xavier had taken up an interest in me that the day would come someone would walk into his life and I would be tossed to the side. Unfortunately at the time I was so taken with him it never occurred to me that that would ever be a possibility. Yet, here I was, sitting next to Yoko being completely blindsided by a girl who’s color palette was simply black and white.

“I believe the words I’m looking for are, I told you so.” Her voice felt sharp. Almost like a knife being twisted in a wound. I didn’t even need to glance up at her to know her face held a devilish smirk. “Karma doesn’t rest. Not even for the wicked.” My eyes fluttered shut and I could hear her heels clicking off into the distance. My stomach churned at the thought of losing Xavier to Wednesday.

“Take what she says with a grain of salt. Everyone sees the way he looks at you.” Yoko reached for my hand and I let her take it in hers. “What do you say we start brain storming for the Poe Cup? Hm?” I hummed in response. Not taking my eyes off the pudding cup that sat untouched on the table. “Something wicked this way comes.” My head shot up at the sound of metal hitting our table. Enid, Ajax, and Xavier had taken their normal spots and were just now preparing for lunch.

“Hey guys.” Enid said cheerily before pulling me into a quick side hug. Xavier sat across from me, his green eyes boring into me but I didn’t dare look up. “Poe Cup is coming up and we need to discuss ideas.”

“I’m actually not feeling well.” I said quickly while pushing myself up from my seat. Xavier was quick to follow my actions. “I’m gonna go to my dorm and take a nap.”

“Let me come with you.” His voice was soft and sweet. Almost like honeysuckle. Finally I glanced up at him and saw the smile spread across his face. My heart ached at the sight. “We can go to Jericho later and grab some dinner if you want.”

“Not necessary.” His face dropped at the rejection and he gently grabbed my elbow and moved us away from our friends and out of earshot. “Xav, please. I want to go to my dorm.” That’s when I felt his fingers gently tugging at my chin and lifting my gaze to meet his.

“You’ve been distant lately. Almost as if you’re a ghost in my life.” He moved his hand from my chin to caress my cheek and out of habit I nuzzled closer into his palm. “I miss you.” His words sent electricity through me. The type of electricity that burns you to the core. It sparked the anger I had tried so hard to keep at bay since Wednesday Addams had made her hasty arrival.

“As if you noticed.” I paused pulling away from his touch and out of his arms. His face twisted in confusion at my words. “Ever since Wednesday arrived it’s as if I don’t exist. You cancelled two date nights and every time I stop by your dorm Rowan says you aren’t there. You promised me after our tiff over Bianca that we would have more nights like that night in the park. You promised, Xav.” His eyes softened at my words and he took a step forward to which I took a step back. “I thought you wanted me forever?” He went to reach for me again but I took another step back.

“Of course I do, baby. I wish I could tell you what’s going on but it’s not my business to tell.” I scoffed at his words. “But you know I want you. I want you always.”

“Then why is it so hard?” He cocked his head at me waiting for me to continue.

“Why is what so hard?” Tears began to well up in my eyes as I held his gaze. Knowing that this might possibly be the last time I look at him like this and hear him say these words. I make a mental note to burn this into the back of my mind and take a shaky breath.

“Loving you.” I can see his shoulders slump at my response. His eyes gloss over and he takes a staggering step backwards. “I think,” I pause, closing my eyes and placing my hand against my stomach to calm myself. If I break now, I won’t be able to go through with this. “I need you to be happy.” Xavier shakes his head and takes a quick step forward gripping tightly onto my arms.

“No, whatever you’re thinking of doing, please, don’t do this. Let’s just go to your dorm and talk about this.” I shake my head and step out of his grip reluctantly. “Please.”

“Then why can’t you say it?” My voice is slightly louder than the previous argument we’ve been having and he winces at the volume. “I have proclaimed my love to you in various ways, Xavier. Yet, you can’t even tell me you love me. I would never force you to do so, but if you love me, if you want me, why does it feel like you don’t?”

“I do. You know I do.” By now Enid and Yoko have caught onto the disagreement at hand and I can feel their gazes set on us. “Let’s just go to your dorm.” He takes my arm in his hand but i viciously rip it from his grip.

“No. I can’t do this anymore.” Slowly I look up at him to see the tears starting to fall. “I love you but I just can’t come second to her or anyone else anymore. I’m sorry, Xav. I’m so sorry.” I quickly lean up on my tip toes and press a kiss to his cheek before turning away and racing to my dorm. Once I’m pressed firmly against the shut door and securely in my dorm the tears flow freely. They’re hot against my cheeks and it’s almost as I can feel my heart physically breaking.

The days pass by with harsh stares and rainy days. In some ways I was grateful for the rain because it helped mask the tears and the heartbreak that came with losing Xavier. It wasn’t until I found him and Wednesday shooting arrows at targets and chatting amongst themselves that it hit me the hardest. I turned on my heels to retreat back into the building but as I took my first step I heard his voice.

“Hey.” It was soft and unsure. “Can we talk?” I knew it was against my better judgement but when I turned and saw the bags under his eyes and how bloodshot his eyes were, I knew I didn’t have a choice. He was as miserable as I was. I nodded and followed behind him as he trailed towards his dorm. Once inside he took a seat on his bed. “Please tell me what’s going on. I’ve been going through the last two weeks in my brain trying to figure out where it all went wrong.”

“If you don’t know, there’s no point in me telling you.” He groaned and rubbed his hands against his face.

“Can you please just talk to me-“ he was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. He glanced down at it before looking back up at me. It continued to ring.

“Are you gonna get that?” By the look on his face I could already tell who it was. A certain pigtailed goth girl who had captured his attention as if it were a game of capture the flag and she was winning by a long shot. After a few moments it stopped ringing but immediately started again. “Goddamn it, Xavier.” I went to reach for the phone but he grabbed my hand.

“We’re talking. She can wait.” I felt my face harden at his words. She can wait.

“So I was right?” I pull my arm from his grasp and take a couple steps backwards. “It’s Wednesday.” He sighed heavily before glancing down at the phone. “Please. Don’t keep her waiting on my behalf.” The sound of a text message coming through steals his attention away and suddenly he’s rushing out of his seat.

“I have to go.” He throws a jacket on and grabs his flashlight before attempting to walk passed me. With all the strength I could muster I grab his elbow and catch his gaze.

“If you walk out that door, you’re walking out of my life.” He closes his eyes for all but a second and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead.

“I’m sorry.” And with those words he disappeared into the crowded hallway. My eyes stung with tears that wanted to fall freely and my heart ached as his words became the final nail in the coffin of our relationship. The rain fell heavy outside the windows as I walked back to my dorm room. All I could think was how ironic it was that the weather could mimic my exact feelings in that moment. I wanted to mourn. To sulk. To simply disappear into the shadows where no one could find me. But how do you mourn someone who is still alive?

The days crept agonizingly slow. Xavier kept his distance and found sanctuary in Wednesday and our friends while I clung to the shadows. I was sitting alone in the Quad when Bianca began to approach me. When she noticed my glare she held her hands up in surrender.

“I come in peace. However, I do have a proposition.” She takes a seat across from me and nods toward Xavier who is sat across from Wednesday at our normal table. “I hear Wednesday is going to be co-pilot for Enid and the Black Cats today for the Poe Cup. Join our team.” I scoff and push my tray away.

“What makes you think I would do that?” Her face breaks out into a devilish grin.

“You’re in need of a win and I want Xavier and Wednesday to be as distracted as possible.” Unfortunate for both of us, being her co-pilot only led us to another loss. Wednesday and Enid had led their team to a win while Xavier and Ajax cheered them on. That night as I sat in my dorm a soft knock could be heard on my door.

“I don’t want visitors.” I stated plainly as I opened to door to see the all too familiar pigtailed girl.

“Good thing I didn’t ask.” She stepped by me and took a seat in my writing chair.

“What? Here to rub salt in the wound?” Her lips twitched upwards into the smallest of smiles but she quickly caught on and looked away.

“Although the thought gives me much pleasure I’m here about Xavier.” I follow her gaze as she glances around the room. “It’s come to my attention that you believe I’m trying to engage in a romantic relationship with him.”

“That’s not-“ she held her hand up.

“I can assure you that’s not my intentions. All I want is to figure out what killed Rowan and what it has to do with me. Xavier is just collateral. He has been helping me.” Her words stop me cold in my tracks. I take a seat on my bed across from her and finally meet her eyes.

“Rowan’s dead?” She nods.

“I saw it myself. He was murdered by the monster and someone is covering it up.” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a neatly folded piece of paper before handing it me. On it what looks to be a picture of her. “Before he died he told me I would destroy the school. I’m trying to figure out what he meant. Maybe you could be of assistance. Xavier says you’re smart.” I shrug.

“Sure but why do you want my help?” She takes the paper from my hands and folds it before placing it back in her pocket.

“I need someone as clever as me to help me solve this puzzle. First, you need to speak with Xavier.” With that she rises to her feet and walks to the door. “He loves you. For whatever reason.” I pull my phone from my pocket and quickly type out a message to him. After a few minutes there’s another knock on my door before it slowly opens.

“Hey.” His voice is quiet. He took a seat beside me on the bed and placed his hands in his lap. After a few moments of silence I finally spoke.

“I was wrong about you.” His eyebrows raised in confusion at my words and I slowly reached forward to take his hands in mine. “Loving you isn’t hard. In fact, I think it’s the easiest thing in the world. That’s why it was so hard for me to see how close you and Wednesday were getting. It reminded me that I’m replaceable. You had so much going on and all I saw was the tip of the iceberg.” He began to softly caress the back of my hand with his thumb and he rested his head on against my shoulder.

“I only fed into your fears. I should have told you. I’m so sorry, baby.” His eyes finally met mine and he inched forward until his lips were hovering next to mine. “I love you.” My eyes widened at his words.

“You said it.” He nodded with a wide smile on his place. “Please tell me I didn’t force you-“

“No, no. I mean it. I’ve felt it for a long time. I think the only reason I was afraid to say it is because every person I let in leaves.” He paused caressing my cheek. “I don’t want you to leave.” With a wide smile and a swelled heart, I pressed my lips firmly against him.

“Never.” One simple word but it was a promise I was bound to keep.

[duckadee]

today’s prompt was actually the hardest for me to come up with songs for, but I think I found some good ones. i focused more on the denial side of things, so I don’t know if the songs are all that angry. 😅 anyways, here’s the lineup!

The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

Tainted Love by Soft Cell

I’m Not in Love by 10cc (my personal fav)

House of Memories by Panic! At the Disco

Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure

Moral of the Story by Ashe and Niall Horan

and my thoughts abt a couple of the songs are below the cut 😄

I’m Not in Love by 10cc

I heard this line and immediately thought of Ian still having pictures of Anthony up in his house. Even though it was years after Anthony had left, and they hadn’t talked much in a while. Of course, though, that totally doesn’t mean anything…

This one had me thinking about the lack of communication after Anthony left, more specifically about how Ian thought there would be more collabs but Anthony wanted to completely separate himself. Possibly because it was such a loaded situation, that, as Shayne said, what is there to say? How do you move on/respond to this?

Boys Don’t Cry by The Cure

Thinking about how they had both resigned themselves to never being friends again. That being said, isn’t it wild that they got past that? Not to get all sappy (except this def won't be the last time), but their story truly means a lot to me. 🥹

Now, this line reminded me of how they’ve said they didn’t talk about emotions, possibly because of some sort of toxic masculinity. I see how that would lead to a lot of built up emotions that drive a wedge into the relationship. 

[vodkaskys]

FANFIC REC: teacher-student 

Give Me Love (Louis is Harry’s sister’s best friend and Louis is really bad with setting boundaries, especially if the boundaries are for Harry.) (25K)

Open Up Your Heart To Me (Harry Styles has just finished his A Levels, and is already sick to death of studying law. Opting for a change of career prospects, he enrols in an Animal Management course at a college, where teachers are mates with students and prefer being called by their first names. Out of all Harry's teachers, his favourite is Mr. Tomlinson) (23K)

come as you are (louis is a professor of literature at oxford and harry is his newest and most eager protege. both are caught in a story about forbidden love, loss and second chances, in which one is on the brink of heartbreak and the other comes along when he's needed most.) (77K)

Gym; The Beautiful Hell in Which His Lovely Sits (Harry styles wedges himself into a pretty wet predicament with his overly hot Phys-ed teacher, too caring football coach and crazy best friend after having a dodge-ball hurled at him.) (34K)

Your Love Is My Treasure (Some of my friends and i decided to go to a bar to get drunk, school starts in a month and we only have so much time left.) (26K)

Fix my heart (I just wanted to protect him, I wanted to take care of him, I wanted to fix his heart.) (141K)

don’t even need to touch me, baby, just breathe on me. (About three things Harry Styles is absolutely positive. First, he definitely did not read all four Twilight books. Second, there is a part of him – and he knows exactly how potent that part of him is – that wants to test the science behind sucking Professor Tomlinson’s brain out through his dick. And third, Harry is unconditionally and irrevocably in lust with his Professor. So yes, Harry Styles is a cliché. He’s seen this plotline unfold in porn all the time. He’s not sure if leaning over his desk and offering up his arse for a spanking will yield the same results, however.) (7k)

The Section (Louis just has time to text Zayn: fuck) (11K)

I Walk the Line (What happens when everything Louis thought he knew comes crashing down around him? Is he doomed to repeat his past mistakes? Or will he learn to follow his heart and find a way to forge his own path, alongside someone he’s not sure he can trust, but who might just be the best thing to ever happen to him.) (55K)

Take My Breath Away (Lt. Harry Styles, call sign Sparrow, is a prodigy when it comes to flying. The owner of an unrivaled Naval pedigree, being a pilot was always written in the stars for Harry. With his trusty RIO, Lt. Niall Horan, Harry has made an unprecedented ascension in the ranks of the Naval aerial combat elite, and has been recruited to the esteemed Premier Delta flight school, carrying on his family’s legacy. What he finds there are unexpected friendships, perilous challenges, and something beyond what he ever thought possible. Because as his father had always told him, before the great Captain Styles went tragically missing in combat, you don’t fall in love with the sky, you fall in love with what keeps you on the ground) (153K)

overwhelmingly you (more reflections post-oxford.) (36K) PARTE 2 DE COME AS YOU ARE

Don't Think About The Consequences (Louis leans closer to Styles and he finally relaxes into Styles’ embrace. Styles doesn’t deepen the kiss, instead he pulls away and ghosts his lips across Louis’ while he comprehends what he just did fully. Fuck.) (70K)

A+ For Effort (Harry is the music teacher and Louis is the P.E. teacher and there's a whole lot of crushing going on.) (7K)

For You, I Will (I Don't Believe in Magic, but) ( Louis leads two lives, when all he wants is a simple one with Harry.) (17K) You'll Breathe Me In (You Won't Release) ( the AU where Louis is a 25-year-old driving instructor and Harry is a 17-year-old virgin who's really awful at seduction, except for the time he gets Louis to fall for him and fuck him senseless and take him on kinky adventures.) (95K)

Take My Breath Away (There is a prestigious school in the British Royal Navy classified as Premier Delta - or as it is known by its flyers, 1D. These select pilots are an elite set of Naval lieutenants who are trained in the skill of aggressive aerial combat. They are instruments of war, trained in times of peace. They are dogfighters, relentless and fearless in their mission to protect their beloved country. From their lofty vantage, they are always watching, waiting, and ready to lay it all on the line.Lt. Harry Styles, call sign Sparrow, is a prodigy when it comes to flying. The owner of an unrivaled Naval pedigree, being a pilot was always written in the stars for Harry. With his trusty RIO, Lt. Niall Horan, Harry has made an unprecedented ascension in the ranks of the Naval aerial combat elite, and has been recruited to the esteemed Premier Delta flight school, carrying on his family’s legacy. What he finds there are unexpected friendships, perilous challenges, and something beyond what he ever thought possible. Because as his father had always told him, before the great Captain Styles went tragically missing in combat, you don’t fall in love with the sky, you fall in love with what keeps you on the ground.) (153K)

Lost Principles ( It’s Harry’s final year of school and Louis is his principal. They have a sexual relationship that accidentally gets broadcasted to the entire school via intercom.) (2K)

Your Love Is My Treasure (Some of my friends and i decided to go to a bar to get drunk, school starts in a month and we only have so much time left.Yeah i´ll look for someone to get laid with, there´s always someone either easy or flirty to get laid with.) (26K)

the devil's in the details ( the one where harry's on his way to becoming a professor and louis is the smart, bratty student) (25K)

Open Up Your Heart To Me (Harry Styles has just finished his A Levels, and is already sick to death of studying law. Opting for a change of career prospects, he enrols in an Animal Management course at a college, where teachers are mates with students and prefer being called by their first names. Out of all Harry's teachers, his favourite is Mr. Tomlinson.) (23K)

Give Me Love ( Louis is Harry’s sister’s best friend and Louis is really bad with setting boundaries, especially if the boundaries are for Harry.) (25K)

(wait for more)

[spongyspingy-rising]

Niall Efnysien was born the son of a prominent old family in Idesreign, one with ties to the original founders of the Lux Rosea Paragon, and he knew it from the time he was young. Not to say his family wasn't humble enough, no, it was more the reminder of heavy secrets held for generations. Niall wasn't told these secrets until he was older— but it didn't matter that they came with a caveat, he wouldn't have told anyway. He didn't care. There was, in truth, little Niall cared for in the world. Not in misanthropic way, he simply found he was quickly bored by repetition, and sought constantly to find new ways to entertain himself. The weight of generations carried on his back didn't bother him, he didn't feel it at all. He made friends with the rest of the upper class, the children of council members and the children of merchants. It was easy for him to make friends, and just as easy for him to make enemies; he had about him an air that was wholly divisive, largely for being a little bit annoying. 

His closest friend was the son of a wealthy trading company, an easily-airsick and endlessly energetic skydancer named Alioth. The two of them learned nothing from each other but how to be worse people, their friendship tumultuous and tied fast by their own obsessions. It wasn't long before Niall began to really, truly, wonder about the secrets his family held. He couldn't tell Alioth, on pain of death, but the taste of dirt in his mouth never stopped him from dropping hints. Soon enough, the two of them were swept up. 

It was less a hunt for truth and more a hunt for knowledge. Niall in particular held a ravenous appetite for it, always wanting to know more, hating to be kept from what he wanted to understand. And Alioth— well, he just liked to feel obsessed with something. 

Their search brought them places they'd dared not tread before, the Paragon archives, the deep tunnels under the mountain, and even out to Misthearth briefly to comb through their library. Alioth hated the cold, but the hours they spent bundled in blankets in front of a roaring fire yielded answers they couldn't quite parse. Not information itself, but a lack of it. 

Niall found this revelation a particular affront, even if Alioth couldn't understand why he cared. To purge something from history was dooming it to repeat itself, he insisted, to which Alioth said: Then let it.

It was the final fight they ever had, and the most vicious. Over nothing, really, and they both knew it, but it set the stage for something bigger. A betrayal that, though it would eventually be forgiven, put a wedge in their relationship deep enough to leave lasting marks— physically, too.

Alioth almost died that day, and he was lucky Niall was there to save him, if perhaps less lucky that Niall put him in such a position in the first place. For his idiocy, Niall was left with an addendum to his family's curse; he could not tell the secrets his family was meant to keep, and he could not lie, not ever again. 

It didn't stop him from being dishonest, though. At his core, Niall remained someone who would bend the truth for his own needs regardless of his own wellbeing; because while lying would choke and kill him, bending the truth hardly did more than leave a sour taste in his mouth. At least, at the beginning.

Eventually, there came a time when Niall found he had to lie. Not for himself, but for the protection of someone he cared for deeply. And when he couldn't manage that, even when he tried, he made the decision to leave Idesreign in search of something to break the curse. If that failed, he would return, and beg the Queen of Chaos to take the curse or take his life.

[declansboobs]

i think declan is a vegetarian but a really sad vegetarian who only eats like not-vegetarian dishes with the not-vegetarian stuff picked off. he’d make carbonara without guanciale. orders a wedge salad with nothing on it. bagel sandwich with a limp disc of unseasoned egg inside. like he was so traumatized by niall selling the dream cows that he was like yeah never will i eat meat. but he does it in the lamest way ever so it fits into his boring narrative

[releaseholiday]

unpopular opinion but I'm would like other boys to stop publicly interacting with harry and just keep in touch with him privately, be besties in private like he did till 2023 when he was in hot soup for Grammy's and name dropped them for brits. cause all it does is give toxic harries another chance to carry out their mean girl fantasies and think harry does not care about 1d and he is above other boys. Hshq has successfully wedged such a deep divide in 1d fandom by this tactic. Proof all Harries tolerate niall cuz harry was seen with him post hiatus but not others. artist always sets an example for fanbase to follow.

I get it! And I lowkey agree lol

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

now they just find bb’s underwear in the backseat all the time <3333

STOPPPEKFJWJFJWJDJ

Niall, going to put on his seat belt and seeing something wedged between the seats: What’s this?

vampy, looking at him through the rearview mirror: What’s what?

Niall, innocently tugging at it, not aware of what he’s about to pull out: This. It’s stuck in between the—

vampy, eyes widening as he whirls around and grabs for it: NO DONT TOUCH THAT, IT’S—

Niall, yelling and throwing it into the front portion of the car: OH MY GOD??

bb in the front seat, glancing down and realizing what it is: OH MY GOD.

Niall: WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU LEAVE A PAIR OF USED KNICKERS ALL WADDED UP IN YOUR CAR?? WHERE’S YOUR CLASS?

vampy, quickly grabbing the panties and shoving them in his pocket: MAYBE IF YOU WERENT SNOOPING—

Niall: I WASNT SNOOPING, I WAS LITERALLY JUST BUCKLING MY FUCKING BELT!

Xander: Someone roll down a window, I’m gonna projectile.

bb, sinking into her seat in mortification and covering her burning face: JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT ALREADY, OKAY?? ITS GONE NOW, FORGET IT HAPPENED.

Niall, clutching his hand dramatically: FORGET?? YOU WANT ME TO FORGET THAT I JUST HAD INDIRECT CONTACT WITH YOUR REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM?? I CANT. NOW I’M GONNA HAVE TO CHOP THIS HAND OFF AND GROW A NEW ONE!

bb, turning around sharply to face him: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

Mitch, who’s had his earbuds in the whole time, popping one out curiously: What’s going on?

vampy:

bb:

Niall:

Xander:

Adam: If it’s any comfort, I thought the daisy pattern was cute!

[1d1195]

Tryst

Just a fluffy/sexy Niall something or other

Warning: 18+ ideas mentioned, nothing exactly explicit

She had just put her car in park. Gathered her phone and keys and stuffed them into her purse. She grabbed her work bag and finally stepped out of her car. Her shoes were killing her feet and all she could think about was slipping them off and wearing Niall’s Moccasins while she put the groceries away.

She knew it was going to take two trips. It nearly killed her thinking that she wouldn’t be able to make one trip but that was the unfortunate break of Niall not being home at the time. She crossed her work bag and purse over her opposite shoulder so her stuff wouldn’t fall, and she grabbed the first couple bags out of the back seat, hip checking her door closed. She didn’t even make it two steps away from her car.

“Do you need some help, love?” A voice said quickly. She turned her head toward the man smoking a cigarette in between the two buildings. He tossed it to the ground in front of him, stubbed it out with the toe of his shoe.

Shit. He wasn’t necessarily creepy, but she knew that he had a thing for her. The love gave it away...as well as the constant talking to her whenever she was outside. Which she did so sparingly. To avoid him. Due to the fact that he insisted on talking to her every time she was outside. Part of it was her own fault for not listening to the advice she gave her own girlfriends when a man didn’t take a hint. Nor the advice she saw all over the internet. She was failingly polite. If she just told him to leave her alone and was just the slightest bit more aggressive than passive maybe it wouldn’t be so awkward to see him in their parking lot. “No, I’m alright, thank you though,” she said in her sweet voice.

He started walking toward her anyway. And again, that failingly politeness would surely get her killed or kidnapped one of these days. Just say there’s frozen stuff and I need to get it in the fridge and be on your way. She thought to herself.

Her feet were killing her in these stupid wedges.

“It’s too bad your boyfriend can’t help you,” he said leadingly lighting another cigarette between his lips. He wasn’t a terrible guy. She didn’t feel scared around him like she did when she was at a club with her friends and some man had too much to drink. He just clearly thought she was pretty (Niall’s idea, not hers of course). She shrugged.

“He’s just at work,” she said truthfully. “He would help if he was home. But I’m an adult,” she smirked. “Did it by myself before he lived with me,” she reminded him. She lived here before Niall moved in with her...back when she couldn’t use Niall as an excuse against this guy and his obvious lines of hinting.

She shifted the grocery bags from one hand to the other while they stood there as he clearly had more to say. More he wanted to attempt to flirt about despite the fact he was oblivious to her discomfort. Despite the fact he had seen Niall with her on multiple occasions. “What’s he do for work again?” He wondered.

She shook her head. Incredulous this mind-numbing conversation was even happening when he toes were also going numb from her wedges. “Business. He owns a golf club,” she said. “The one right off Main by the pond,” she told him.

He whistled appreciatively. “Owns it?” He wondered.

She nodded. “Yup...” she said proudly.

“Must be a busy guy,” he said.

She could see where this was headed. She always knew where it was headed with him. “Sometimes more than others...listen, I’ve got some frozen things in here, have a nice evening,” she said with a gentle smile because she couldn’t be outrightly mean, even if she wanted to be. She thought of the other groceries in the car and strongly considered just leaving them there until Niall got home. She made it another two steps toward the entrance way and could feel his stare on her.

“Too bad he can’t be here to take care of you when you get out of work,” he said knowingly.

“It is a shame, most days,” Niall’s Irish voice cut through the air as she opened her mouth to retort. His voice was tight, irritated. It always was when it came to their obsessive neighbor.

She blinked confused at Niall being home early. Not a hair of his pretty blond head was out of place. The perfect businessman. His suit pants, pressed shirt, and polished dress shoes. Her heart fluttered at the sight of him because he was utterly gorgeous and the thought of kissing him set her skin on fire. And he was home early. Niall sauntered toward her car. “Hey, princess,” he said closing the distance between her and himself. She must have looked relieved as Niall took the bags from her aching fingers and he grinned weakly at her. “He bothering you?” He muttered under his breath as he kissed her cheek.

“No,” she said with a quick shake of her head. She returned to her car to grab the other groceries.

“Hey, no, princess,” Niall said nudging her away from the car door. “I’ll get them, your feet must be killing you,” he said knowingly. Paid no mind to the man standing awkwardly a few paces away from the pair.

He nearly paled seeing Niall, as far as she could see in her peripheral. He was smoking his cigarette faster. “I offered to help,” he said knowingly.

“Thank, mate. That’s okay though, she doesn’t need your help,” Niall said simply. She flushed at his words knowing they were true but still feeling slightly bad for the guy. She was just too sweet. She made her way for their apartment in front of Niall.

She kicked her shoes off immediately, her feet relieved at the pressure then turned to Niall settling the groceries in the kitchen. He made a dash out the door again and she cracked it just to make sure there was no fist fight she would have to break up. There were none, because in near an instant he was back with the last of the bags, clicking her keys to lock her car.

“It’s agonizing you’re so beautiful some days, princess,” Niall sighed kicking his shoes off and grabbing his Moccasins for her sore feet.

She smirked. “Thanks,” she said softly slipping her feet against the soft faux fur that hugged her feet like little clouds. They put the groceries away silently, working in tandem quickly. When finished, she tossed the bags back on the table near the door so she could return them to her car.

“Nearly wanted to punch him in his stupid face,” Niall said finally.

“That’s ridiculous,” she giggled rolling his eyes.

Niall scowled so cutely. His blue eyes filled with alarm as his eyebrows pinched together at the center of his forehead. “You’re all mine,” he said possessively. He pulled her in by her waist and Niall never considered himself a tall man, but he was grateful he could tuck her beneath his chin and squeeze her tightly to his chest. She sighed contentedly.

“You’re home early.”

“Were you planning on inviting him in, princess?” He joked. “Ruined your plans?” He smirked.

She pinched his sides. “I can’t even joke because I really can’t even fathom it.”

He kissed the top of her head. “He seems to be home all the time,” Niall grumbled.

“Ni,” she said softly. “You’re not...jealous, are you?” She wondered.

“M’jus...” he sighed. “I could see the way he looked at you. And who could blame him? You look like a runway model in office clothes,” he said. “You’re so beautiful. And you’re probably the only one who even gives him the time of day. You’re just lovely...and m’always busy.”

She shook her head against his chest. “You’re so stupid,” she said endearingly. “Fortunately, my heart is very taken,” she reminded him. “Why are you home early?”

“Missed you...didn’t need to be in the office,” he shrugged. “Glad I came home early.”

“Trying to catch me in my unfaithful tryst, hmm?”

He snorted but didn’t say anything. He looked around their shared apartment nervously. He was always busy. Sure, she was at work too, but there were days where he hardly saw her. There weekends were nearly always spent at the club where she did whatever was needed without even batting an eye and seemed to enjoy it. But Niall always thought about how much better it would be if he could spend the weekends with her in bed and only getting up to eat or use the restroom.

“I would never, Ni,” she reminded him.

“...Never?” He asked quietly.

She finally pulled away just a hair so she could tilt her head back to see his eyes. “Never ever.”

He cupped both her cheeks, his hands a little rough from his guitar callouses. He brushed his thumbs over her cheeks, and she swore her legs could give out from his touch...along with the sore feet. He dropped one hand to her chin and pressed his lips against her mouth. She sighed with relief; grateful he was home. No matter the reason. Always. She loved that club almost as much as he did. It’s where they met. He was so proud of it and all he accomplished in owning it. He was an incredible business owner and she loved to watch him at work...Not to mention he bent her over his desk and fucked her so good on more than one occasion that the mere thought of his office made between her legs throb in anticipation.

He tasted so good, herbal tea and mint gum. He tasted like home. She let her tongue run over his lip and he grunted pulling her closer to him as he moved the hand at her chin further down to her lower back so he could squeeze her closer to his body. The dress she was wearing wasn’t short because she was professional in her line of work and would never wear anything that could be remotely considered indecent. He thought about the way it pinched upward as his arm wrapped around her. He thought about what she was wearing underneath...if it was one of her cotton panties or something daring like one of the lace thongs that he enjoyed peeling off when she wore dresses like this with just the thin fabric the only barrier between her gorgeous bum and the outside world. He didn’t care. He was aching to rip it off as soon as possible all the same.

After a moment of teasing her mouth and fully hardening against her thigh he pulled back, rested his forehead against hers. “Do you think we share a wall with him?” Niall asked curiously, his hands coming around to the back of her neck where the dress was zipped up tight. He slid the zipper down loosening the dress around her body.

“I’ve literally never actively thought about that man other than when I see him in the parking lot.” With the back of her bra exposed by the open zipper he unclipped it quickly and she sighed with relief again, slipping out of the Moccasins and kicking them to the side. Between the heels and the bra it felt like she was constantly in medieval torture traps in her corporate world.

“Maybe we do,” he said skimming his hands back up to her shoulders and edging the dress off her arms carefully, slowly. She could see the way his eyes glinted with something wicked, and she eyed him suspiciously. “Maybe we should have our own tryst against the wall,” he suggested impishly. “Just a reminder you’re all mine for that sorry sap.”

Her face must have turned bright red, but Niall couldn’t help but feel satisfied that she loved the idea as much as he did. “My feet are killing me, Ni. I couldn’t imagine standing right now, baby,” she admitted. He finally let the dress fall off her arms and then it slid easily over her body and piled at her feet along with the unhooked bra. He groaned at the sight of her in his favorite of her outfits: nothing at all. Save, of course, for the lacy thong—for which he throbbed against the fabric of his pants. He brushed his fingers over her nipples giving them a gentle twist and then brushed his thumbs over the sensitive tips. She sighed with relief again at the agony of being confined to the bra and shoes. He grinned wickedly at her again as he kissed her lips softly.

In a quick movement, he scooped her up so her legs wrapped around his hips and she moaned against the pressure of his belt buckle skim against the lace barely covering anything. “Who said I’d let you be standing on your tired feet, princess? Of course, I’ll be holding you up the whole time, princess. I’d never let you down.”

[crimeronan]

Ok so I’m into the dreamer trilogy and haven’t read the Raven cycle...what is Declan’s characterisation/journey there?

THIS MIGHT BE THE BEST ASK I’VE EVER RECEIVED. IMAGINE I’M STANDING WITH MY ARMS SPREAD USING DIFFERENT VOICES AND HAND GESTURES TO REENACT THIS STORY FOR A RESENTFUL CAPTIVE AUDIENCE

also declan’s TRC storyline is like. equal parts horribly fucking sad and unbelievably fucking hilarious so. i will try to strike a Balance

FIRST OFF.  there is exactly one (1) declan POV chapter in the entire series. it happens toward the end of the last book. up until then, everything we know about him comes from the observations and narration of others.

he is also a very minor character.  his importance grows throughout the series, but almost all of his actions happen offscreen.  it’s not until the last book that we know exactly how much he’s been dealing with the whole time.

when he’s introduced in the first book, he appears as a plot device.  here is a two-dimensional horrible controlling hardass who doesn’t give a shit about anything but his future political career.  look at his fake, smug fucking grin.  how did someone like ronan end up with a brother like him??  doesn’t matter.  it’s a convenient excuse for ronan to live with his best friend in a drafty warehouse, which means more room for YA hijinks!

declan’s introduction scene is Embroiled in Capital-D Douchebaggery. according to the narration (from gansey and adam), he loves to fuck women and then never call them back, cozy up to powerful people, and bitch about how ronan’s ruining his life by being sad about their dead parents.  SOME people can just get over their dead parents, ronan!

this intro scene is also Extremely Funny i 100% recommend reading it even if u don’t read the actual series.  ronan makes a nasty comment, declan goes “why are you the way that you are” and tries to salvage his date, gansey utters the phrase “man whore”

then later that night things go like. actually bad.

declan shows up at the same pizza place where ronan is with his friends.  this scene is gansey pov.  gansey runs out to the parking lot to find the two of them Very Literally Trying To Kill Each Other.  you don’t see that violence in cdth - there’s only the TINIEST shadow of it when declan confronts ronan over matthew - so i Cannot Express Enough that someone is going to end up hospitalized at BEST. ronan’s already slammed declan’s head on the car, declan’s already grabbed ronan and beaten the shit out of his face, like.

you do not get good old-fashioned Declan Lynch At His Actual Worst in cdth. u might be thinking, THAT guy???? doing THIS????

oh yeah. things are real bad between declan and ronan.

after gansey breaks up the fight (and gets punched in the face for his trouble, albeit accidentally), declan tells ronan that their dad would be fucking ashamed to see him now & that he’s washing his hands of it & basically if ronan wants to go off and fucking die, he can.

this is like. just a couple months after the magical suicide attempt referenced in cdth

in the aftermath of that scene it becomes clear that ronan absolutely unequivocally 100% will kill himself if he has to live with declan. hence. why he’s living with gansey instead.  gansey spends that whole night petrified that the declan altercation will lead to another attempt, and for Good Reason

so like, that’s how we first meet declan. he’s an uncaring wannabe corporate asshole who does not give a fuck and who only exists to exacerbate ronan’s mental health issues.

but then the opening of book 2 gets real interesting.

book 2 is where we start learning more about the lynch family.  we learn that ronan’s father was a dreamer who sold his creations on the black market, we learn that that’s why he was murdered. we learn that ronan’s a dreamer too. we learn that there are very powerful people looking for the greywaren, an artifact that takes objects from dreams. those powerful people just don’t realize it’s a person, yet.

so here’s the assassin who killed niall lynch.

he goes to declan’s dorm.

with everything we know about declan, the kid should be completely unprepared.  he can box, but the assassin knows that, so there’s no real advantage.  he’s alone, and he doesn’t have an escape route.

declan pulls out a gun.

this is an unexpected turn of events.

unfortunately he ends up getting beaten half to death with the butt of said gun, because he loses the ensuing physical struggle for the weapon.  the assassin is like, i need the greywaren.  declan is like, i know it exists but i don’t know what it is.  i’ll find it for you.  i’ll get it to you.  then you’ll leave me the fuck alone

now with everything we know of declan at this point - his attitude toward ronan, his general demeanor, and this new knowledge that he knew about the black market - there’s one obvious question.

will declan sell ronan out if he finds out about the dreaming.

and like, okay. their relationship is antagonistic in cdth but it is NOT what it is in trc. believe me when i tell you that at that point, when you’re reading, you can pretty reasonably go, “oh, god.  oh god.  oh god please no one ever tell declan what the greywaren is.  oh god.”

declan has some other interactions with ronan and the gang throughout the book, mostly where he’s just a hardass who tells ronan to stop causing trouble.  adam’s the only one who notices that declan is scared.  like bone-deep shaking to the core petrified.  about Something.

probably getting beaten to within an inch of his life by the man who murdered his father.  that’s the reasonable reader conclusion.

so imagine how everything changes when you find out that declan already knows.  that declan’s known about ronan’s dreaming for longer than ronan has.  that declan knew exactly what and who the greywaren was, and he lied to a man who was ready to torture him for information, and he got away with it.

suddenly a lot of things recontextualize.

“keep your head down and stop making trouble”? people are gonna NOTICE your magic bullshit, ronan, we do not have time for this!

“stop hanging with that loser druggie friend of yours”? you mean the loser druggie friend who sells on the magic black market and doesn’t care about protecting himself or anyone else?

“i got super weird for no reason about ronan sleeping close to adam”? i don’t have fucking TIME to be homophobic i’m busy with your POTENTIAL TO MANIFEST NIGHT TERRORS IN FRONT OF WITNESSES IN BROAD DAYLIGHT

“i’ll find out what the greywaren is and bring it to you”? i’ll die. i’m making a bargain to die. i’m never giving you the greywaren and i know you’re going to kill me about it and that’s fine as long as my brothers are safe

ronan doesn’t know that he dreamed matthew.  declan knows.  he’s known the whole time.  declan tells ronan in book 3.  and then things recontextualize even further, because ronan’s death is also matthew’s, and matthew IS close to declan in trc.

but declan never tells the goddamn truth unless it’s his last option.  he doesn’t tell ronan that he knows about the dreaming and he doesn’t tell ronan what specifically wants to hurt him and the lack of communication fucking destroys both of them.

in the last book, ronan realizes declan loves him.

more than that, he realizes declan’s loved him the whole time.

this is when declan finally tells the truth.  things are getting bad, plot-wise, and declan is scared, so he comes clean.  he tells ronan that niall specifically tasked declan with protecting ronan from the market.  he begs ronan to run from the danger.  “let’s pour gasoline on everything dad left and start over.”

this is also when ronan realizes that declan’s childhood was very different from ronan’s own.  and that niall and aurora lynch were not the same people to declan that they were to ronan.  and that their father’s decisions are what’s driven the wedge between him and declan all this time

(he’s still struggling with the cognitive dissonance of this in cdth. i don’t think he knows how to adjust his perception of declan to fit this new information.)

aaaaand the final scene with declan makes me cry every time i read it so instead of summarizing, here’s the important part:

Ronan delivered a sharp tap to the object, and a small cloud of fiery orbs sprayed up with a sparkling hiss.

“Jesus, Ronan!” Declan jerked his chin away.

“Please. Did you think I’d blow your face off?”

He demonstrated it again, that quick tap, that burst of brilliant orbs. He tipped it into Declan’s hand, and before Declan could say anything, jabbed it to activate it once more.

Orbs gasped up into the air. For a moment, he saw how his brother was caught inside them, watching them soar furiously around his face, each gold sun firing gold and white, and when he saw the spacious longing in Declan’s face, he realized how much Declan had missed by growing up neither dreamer nor dreamt. This had never been his home. The Lynches had never tried to make it Declan’s home.

“Declan?” Ronan asked.

Declan’s face cleared. “This is the most useful thing you’ve ever dreamt. You should name it.”

“I have. ORBMASTER. All caps.”

“Technically you’re the orbmaster though, right? And that’s just an orb.”

“Anyone who holds it becomes an ORBMASTER. You’re an ORBMASTER right now. There, keep it, put it in your pocket. D.C. ORBMASTER.”

Declan reached out and scuffed Ronan’s shaved head. “You’re such a little asshole.”

The last time they’d stood on this roof together, their parents had both been alive, and the cattle in these fields had been slowly grazing, and the world had been a smaller place. That time was gone, but for once, it was all right.

The brothers both looked back over the place that had made them, and then they climbed down from the roof together.

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

too soon to tell, chapter f i v e

December 23, 2011

Harry knew he hadn’t been great at keeping in touch.

He knew his friends were probably annoyed and he knew that he deserved it, but he also knew that inviting them to a concert, giving them backstage passes, and then bringing tons of alcohol to Adam’s party was a pretty good bet to get them back on his good side.

So as confident as Harry felt about his attempt to right his previous wrongs, he found himself with a knot in his stomach when he walked into the green room that night and saw them.

Adam and Jake were always happy to see him, they seemed less bothered by Harry’s new fame and how it shifted the dynamic of their friend group. They hugged him excitedly and only made a few jokes about the outfit he’d been forced to wear.

“You look like a Barbie doll,” Jake stifled a laugh, clapping Harry on the back with force.

“A stylish Barbie doll,” Jessie tried to soften the blow.

“I know,” Harry rolled his eyes. “Look--I don’t always get to pick everything I wear, alright?”

“We’re just glad to see you,” Bryn smiled. “Barbie Blazer and all.”

Harry ignored their jabs easily and pulled them all in for hugs, and then, Smalls.

“Hi Smalls,” he smiled down at her, hands on her shoulders when a smirk tugged at his lips. “Have you grown?”

“Oh piss off,” she laughed, shrugging away from his touch. “An inch or so since the last time you came home probably. Which was...what, a hundred years ago?”

Ouch--Harry pulled a face before he rolled his eyes, quick to let the insult roll off his back. He was getting used to it, slowly but surely, yet for some reason it always cut a little deeper when it came from her.

“Alright, alright,” Harry didn’t feel like spending too much time on the elephant in the room: his newfound career in the limelight seemed to put a wedge between him and his hometown friends. “I’m the worst friend ever, I know. You guys remember the boys, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jessie said with a casual shrug of her shoulder, a flirty smile in the direction of his bandmates had Harry making a mental note: check in on that later.

Jake rounded the corner of the sofa and sat down, offered a wave to Liam when Adam and Niall embraced.

It made Harry happy to see his old friends and his new friends spending time together, minus the shouting that insured when Louis and Jake got too heated about a recent football match or when Adam seemed to dominate everyone in table tennis. So when Jake and Adam headed that way, he turned to Smalls and realized someone was missing.

“Smalls, your sister isn’t here?”

She looked up at him with a hint of pink on her cheeks, “oh, no--my mum wasn’t too keen on the idea of me bringing a thirteen-year-old into Manchester and back, I guess.”

“No?” He smirked. “Can’t imagine why.”

Harry had always loved teasing her--something about the way her eyelids fluttered in annoyance or the way she seemed to blush at the slightest of comments made his smile stretch across his face.

He’d always had a soft spot for her, less boisterous than Jessie and much less of a know-it-all than Bryn. She could give Harry shit when he deserved it but she was also the one who listened and cared and had a laugh that Harry missed more than he expected when he moved to London.

Which is why, Harry thought, he found himself more intrigued by the girl who sat behind him in Chemistry. Afterall, distance makes the heart grow fonder.

Now, in the green room, she gave exactly the reaction Harry had wanted when she crossed her arms and stifled a frustrated laugh. “Alright, shut it.”

“Are we giving Y/N shit about the time she lost Katie?” Bryn perked up as she watched Adam bounce the ball beneath his paddle.

“I cannot believe I missed that,” Harry smiled.

“Better get used to it, H, you’re missing a lot these days,” she shot back with an antagonising grin.

Y/N, he’d noticed, also seemed to be the least impressed by his fame, the most annoyed by his departure, and he couldn't help but wonder why she seemed absolutely displeased when he told them all that he’d lost his virginity.

Now when he made trips home or met up with the gang, Harry realized there was something about Y/N that felt different. Something pulled him in and simultaneously pushed him out, maybe it was the way she’d smile up at him and then embarrass him five seconds later.

Whatever it was, Harry felt it that night in the green room and again in Adam’s basement when he listened to Mollie Amsbury drone on about school. He made awkward eye contact with Y/N a few times across the room--she was standing in a corner with Zach Bramhall and then eventually Bryn, but apparently she couldn’t read his mind and didn’t know the way he was looking at her was a silent cry for help.

Mollie was nice--more popular than Harry had been in school--but with two mixed drinks in her, she seemed keen to keep telling him all about their teachers from Year 9 and who in their class was now sleeping with who.

Harry didn’t really give a shit. Harry was more interested in spending time with his own friends and laughing at their stupid jokes about their teachers and their accounts of the school’s drama. Maybe his tolerance for Mollie was lowered with each sip he took of his drink, but at this point, he just needed a way out.

Niall was playing flip cup with a group of boys on the far side of the basement, Liam was too busy talking to Kayla Kirkendahl to even notice that Harry was practically drowning.

Luckily, Jessie walked by him as she headed for the stairs up to the kitchen, he grabbed her wrist and made a pleading face. “Jessie--you said you had to show me something, right?”

Mollie stopped in the middle of her sentence and looked to Jessie, who nodded despite looking confused.

“Right…”

“Great, okay--sorry, Mollie, we’ll catch up later, yeah?”

Harry tugged Jessie away as Mollie nodded, a huff of exhaustion when Jessie looked him up and down.

“Y’alright, champ?”

He shook his head, “she’s sweet, but she’s brutal. Doesn’t shut up--I swear, she can talk to herself for hours.”

Jessie let out an intoxicated giggled as they wove through their peers. “You say this to another girl who can talk to herself for hours.”

“You’re different,” Harry shrugged it off, climbing the stairs with her in tow.

“Why’s that?”

“Because I can tell you to shut up.”

Jessie knew it was true and accepted his answer, though she couldn’t help but wonder if Harry’d ever found her to be as annoying as Mollie.

She knew she was loud, knew she had a penchant for keeping conversations alive. Her mom always said she’d make a great lawyer, but at 17, Jessie was starting to wonder if that was just as much of an insult as it was a compliment.

She didn’t have much time to dwell on it, though, as they found Bryn and Y/N blocking their entrance to the kitchen on the landing of the stairs.

“Hi,” Harry looked up at them.

Y/N was frozen, her lips parted like she’d seen a ghost. “Hi, I--uh, I’m gonna get some air,” she nodded at Bryn and then headed for the front door.

Harry felt his eyebrows dip. “She alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s grand,” Bryn laughed and dismissed Harry’s question. He chalked her word choice up to the liquor in her cup.

“Mollie’s already being annoying,” Jessie told Bryn as they all made their way over to the kitchen counter. The bottles of booze that Harry brought were neatly lined up, and based on the levels inside, everyone in Holmes Chapel preferred vodka over gin.

“Could have called that one,” Bryn rolled her eyes and poured more into her cup.

Adam showed up and stuck his head between Harry’s and Jessie’s. “Can someone help me nicely tell Zach and Emma to stop dry humping on my mom’s fridge?”

“I will happily tell them to piss off,” Bryn lifted her cup and followed him over.

Harry checked his phone as Jessie poured another drink. The contents splashed up over the edges and she laughed when she used a pot holder to wipe up the spill. She took a big gulp and grimaced.

“Maybe have some water?” Harry suggested, his nose scrunched at the look on her face.

“I will, I will--where do you think Adam has a phone cord? M’almost dead.” She picked her phone out of her pocket and showed Harry the battery.

“Somewhere underneath the pile of clothes on bean bag chair, m’sure,” Harry said.

“Alright, come,” Jessie tugged his arm and made her way into the living room, down the hall, and pushed open the second door on the right.

Adam’s room was a deep blue, posters lined the wall and just as Harry suspected, the ever-steady pile of clothes was present on the bean bag chair in the corner. He flicked on the light switch and the door latched behind Jessie.

“Not to sound like Bryn--but when did he clean this place last?”

“Probably last year,” Harry laughed. “Or the year before.”

Jessie walked over to his bed and pushed some coats aside, flopping back on the mattress with a sigh.

“Show was good,” she said.

“Thanks,” Harry wandered over to the window that overlooked Adam’s street. Y/N and Jake were outside, the cherry of a cigarette visible through the dark as a cloud of smoke floated over their heads. “This might be a weird question, but--there’s not something going on between Y/N and Jake, right?”

“Y/N and Jake?” Jessie let out a sharp laugh, “no fucking way. She’s kind of seeing Nolan Truscott I think.”

For some reason this answer didn’t make Harry feel any better.

“Oh.”

“Why?” she stared at the ceiling when Harry turned around and spotted Adam’s phone charger.

“Just curious--don’t you need this?” He held up the white chord and dangled it in the air between them.

Jessie picked her head up off the mattress and her eyes lit up. “Right!”

She hoisted herself up and came to fetch it, plugged it in behind Adam’s desk and then set her phone down. “Jesus--didn’t realize how loud it was out there.”

“You’re also drunk,” Harry laughed.

“You are too,” Jessie accused with a smirk.

Harry thought on it for a second, he was definitely feeling the effects of his third drink, but the sandwich he wolfed down before the show probably helped a bit.

“So Y/N and Nolan Truscott?”

Jessie rolled her eyes at his question, why did Harry care so much about who Y/N was talking to or seeing or anything of the sort?

Of course Jessie hoped her friend’s crush would materialize into something real--but at this point, Harry seemed distracted by other famous women and his rich neighbors in London. And besides, Y/N had made such a big deal about moving on that Jessie hoped she meant it. If only to avoid further disappointment when Harry inevitably met someone and had a lavish wedding that was written about in every tabloid on this side of the Atlantic.

Jessie looked up at him and wondered, for a second, what it was about him that everyone found to be so charming. His moppy-curls were a bit too long, his teenage growth spurt made him a bit awkward and lanky, and worst of all, she once saw him burp his way through the alphabet, though he only made it to M.

He was handsome, he was kind, but Jessie decided it was mostly the band and the song and the screaming girls that made him so appealing.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Harry asked, suddenly aware of the way Jessie’s eyes had seemed to glaze over.

“M’not,” she shook her head. “Sorry, zoned out.”

She picked up her phone and laughed at a text she’d received. Harry wondered, for a second, how Jessie always managed to be the life of the party. Harry himself had been a bit of a class clown before he left school, but Jessie rivaled him like no other.

She was outgoing and energetic and, in his insecure moments, had the qualities Harry thought he lacked. At first being famous was fun, and on most days it still was. But now when he came home and had to dodge Mollie Amsbury, he sometimes wished he could fade back into anonymity, or at least channel Jessie’s ability to never get tired of talking or laughing or being the center of attention.

She put her phone down and looked back up at Harry, unaware he’d been watching her for the last few seconds.

Her eyes fluttered down to his lips and then she leaned in. Harry didn’t know how he felt about it at first--not the worst kiss he’d ever had but also not the best. Their bodies pressed together momentarily, Jessie felt stupid as soon as she felt his tongue swipe her bottom lip. He cupped a hand around her face but then pulled away.

Jessie’s eyes were wide, she let out a cough and said: “sorry--that was--”

“Weird,” Harry laughed.

Relief, Jessie sighed. “Fucking weird, I don’t know why I did that.”

Harry shook his head. “Drunk, things happen, but, uh-- we should”

“Never do that again,” Jessie nodded, trying not to laugh.

“Agreed,” he held out a pinky to lock with hers and smiled.

“Let’s never speak of it, either, yeah?” Jessie eyed him hopefully. “Just uh--would probably freak a few people out.”

Harry nodded, pretending like this never happened was probably best for everyone. Jake and Adam wouldn’t let him hear the end of it and Bryn and Y/N would have a thousand questions. “Sounds good.”

“Alright, I retroactively accept your suggestion of water,” she laughed.

They headed for the door and down the hall, coming face to face with Jake and Y/N as they came inside from the cold.

“Oh hi,” Jessie clutched a hand to her heart when they nearly bumped into them, “you scared me.”

Jake removed his arm from around Y/N’s shoulders when Harry asked: “Where were you two?”

“Just having a chat outside,” Y/N said before tossing the question back at Harry. “Where were you two?”

“Harry left his phone in Adam’s room,” Jessie said quickly. “Wanted to make sure no one got a hold of it.”

Jake let out a laugh, “too many celebrity tits on there?”

“Oh piss off,” Harry laughed, shoving his phone in his pocket. “Wouldn’t you like to know!”

“Alright,” Jessie waved them off, taking a step forward to link her arm with Y/N’s. “Need another drink?”

So much for water, Harry thought.

**

Y/N L/N (9:21pm): We’re long overdue for a facetime date, so look at your calendar and get back to me.

Y/N L/N (9:21pm): Also, just a heads up that Harry and I broke up. Not a big deal, doing alright so far. I can fill you in later!!

Your phone clicked shut as you let out a sigh, feet folded beneath you on your sofa. Carly was likely still at work due to the time difference, and in the 18 months since you’d worked for The Scoop, Carly had gotten two promotions, a cat, and a boyfriend. Needless to say, it took her much longer to reply to your texts now.

And you’d never really imagined a world in which you had to give friends and family a heads up about something so the media didn’t get to it first, but here you were, scrolling through your contacts and sorting everyone into two categories:

Can read it on Twitter or in The Sun, who really gives a shit?

Would absolutely, positively murder you within seconds if they found out via social media or newsstand headline

Carly fell in the second.

Curiosity had finally gotten the best of you after a frozen pizza had been your Tuesday night date. Besides, Jeffrey’s words had been echoing in your ears since he’d said them: people are starting to talk after those photos.

There wasn’t much, yet. A few tweets with speculations that things weren’t so peachy in paradise after you were seen leaving the club with a permanent frown on your face. Two articles in various magazines detailing your night out for a close friend’s birthday.

Another search of your name yielded no more results, just various pictures of the two of you over the last two years. The side of your head walking beside him into a hotel on his tour last summer, the two of you holding hands outside a swanky restaurant in New York before you moved.

The internet was an eternal treasure chest of memories, you’d learned. Some good, some bad--but nonetheless a time capsule you could always access after a glass of wine.

Your phone buzzed and you assumed it was Carly, but an unrecognized American number taunted you until you unlocked it.

(212)347-9090 (9:24pm): Hi Y/N! It’s Gigi! Totally random, but I’m still in town and had a last minute meeting get cancelled. I know it’s late so you can totally say no, but any chance you’d be interested in grabbing a drink somewhere? Happy to talk about the feature more, too!

You read it a few times, sure that it was Jake or Adam playing a stupid prank with a newly downloaded app from across the hall. You stood up off the couch, tossed a sweatshirt over your braless figure and went to pound on their door.

“Excuse me--I’m sorry to break up whatever dumb shit you’re up to in there, but can you please not target me with your stupidity on a weeknight?”

You heard footsteps before Adam tugged it open, his eyes narrowed he took in the sight of you.

“What?”

You rolled your eyes and walked by him, taking a seat at their kitchen table. Jake was stood in front of the microwave, hands on his hips when he looked at you.

“I got your stupid text--very funny.”

They both looked at each other.

“What are you talking about?”

You paused, surveyed both their faces to see if they’d crack under pressure.

“You mean to say that you’re not the ones pretending to be Gigi Hadid texting me and asking me to get a drink tonight?”

Jake’s eyes went wide and he stuck his head out in shock. “What? No--that’s not us, Y/N!”

“I was about to get in the shower and he’s trying to make a microwave cheese toastie,” Adam explained.

“Holy shit,” you stood up quickly, bolted back out their door and across the hall to yours. They followed behind quickly, froze in your living room when you searched for your phone on the couch cushions.

“No one’s pranking you, Y/N--you just got asked on a date by Gigi Hadid.”

“S’not a date,” you rolled your eyes. “Just a drink!”

“Well stop telling that to us and text her back!” Adam shouted.

You picked up the phone and stared at her message again, thumbed out a reply and tried to play it cool. She picked a spot and said she could meet you there in 30 minutes, so you tugged on a blouse and a skirt and Jake pretended to choke at the amount of dry shampoo you sprayed into your hair.

They watched you get into an Uber and promised to blackmail you forever if you didn’t give them a full update. Your teeth chattered from the cold and from anxiety as you hurried through the rain and into the hotel bar, all the while rehearsing things to say you were doing instead of admitting you’d housed a personal pizza and a glass of Pinot Noir before she’d texted.

She was seated in the back, a tiny table like Harry always requested, with a martini in front of her. You tried to slow your breathing as you approached, but she caught you and laughed like you were old friends.

“Are you out of breath?” She reached across and squeezed your hand in greeting.

“It was raining out, I don’t do well in the cold--”

“Funny you live in London, then,” she laughed.

You looked around at the high ceilings and dimly lit room, slinking out of your coat. “Thanks for, uh, inviting me, s’a lovely hotel.”

“Are you kidding me? Thanks for saving me from my hotel room and a solo McDonald’s dinner,” she teased.

You let out a laugh and leaned back in your seat, thankful for her honesty and calm demeanor. “I was in sweat pants doing serious damage on a frozen pizza when you texted,” you admitted as you shrugged out of your coat. “So--I should be thanking you.”

“I love that for you,” she nodded. “Order a drink so we can cheers to a new friendship.”

You smiled at that, felt a rush of butterflies in your stomach at the label. Friends? She sipped at her cocktail and a waiter approached with a napkin over his wrist to take your order.

When he disappeared to fetch a Moscow Mule, you confessed: “I, uh, actually thought your text was a prank from my friends across the hall.”

“No you didn’t!”

“I did!” you laughed. “They were very excited to learn that I was interviewing you for my cover story, huge crushes on you. They’re boys, obviously--well, not obviously, my friend Bryn is as gay as they come and she’s also obsessed with you.”

You wanted to smack yourself across the face in embarrassment--as gay as they come? You winced at your gracelessness but Gigi only laughed.

“You should have brought them!”

You pulled a face and shook your head. “M’going to pretend you didn’t say that so I don’t get murdered tomorrow.”

“Well I’m just glad you weren’t busy with Harry or work.”

Right--which category did Gigi Hadid fall in? Find out on the internet, or tell her--right here, right now--as she used the olive skewer to stir her drink?

You forced a tight-lipped smile. “We actually broke up this week--but s’fine, kind of felt like it was headed that way for a while.”

“Oh, Y/N--I’m so sorry, I had no idea--”

“Yeah, no, hasn’t really gone public yet.”

You didn’t like the way she offered you a pity smile, but you could tell it was genuine. “Well, hey--as we said the other day. Boys are stupid and relationships are crazy difficult.”

“True,” you nodded.

“D’you think it’s for good?”

The waiter appeared with your drink, you thanked him and took a sip before answering.

“I forget if I told you, but I’ve known him forever, we’ve got the same friend group from back home. It gets a little messy sometimes seeing as my friends are his and none of them know when to stay out of each other's business. God love ‘em, but that’s been hard.”

She frowned, “yeah--being in the public eye can be really hard on friendships too.”

With an already wounded ego this week, you didn’t feel like reminding her that your level of internet fame was no match to her international fashion model status.

You didn’t know how much you should divulge to her, seeing as she was still a stranger and also the girlfriend of Harry’s ex-bandmate. This was the kind of situation that often had Harry’s or Jeff’s voice playing on a loop in your head: you never know who might repeat what you say.

Even broken up Harry’s career still controlled what you could disclose and to whom? You took another sip of your drink and felt the anger grow inside of you.

Gigi made an effort to get to know you--she asked about New York and why you left, told you about where she grew up and how much she loved horses. You weren’t sure if she purposefully avoided talking about Harry, but being able to talk about things other than your love life was a welcomed reprieve from the last few days and your typical partners in conversation.

You were shocked to find out that she knew your old boss, Whitney, and even more surprised to hear that she’d read your work before and was excited to learn you’d been assigned her cover at The Face.

By 11:30 she offered to have her driver bring you home and sweetly swatted your hand away from your wallet when you paid out. I’m the one who pulled you away from sweatpants and pizza.

Camera lights flashed when you walked behind her towards the car. It was a similar level of blinding that you’d experienced before with Harry, but he didn’t have legs like hers. You slid into the backseat beside her and then the car lurched into motion.

“Surprisingly that’s not as bad as New York,” she laughed.

“That’s what Harry says.”

She offered a sympathetic smile when she turned to face you. “Have you talked to him at all?”

“No,” you shook your head, deciding it was too soon to admit you’d emotionally showed up at his house only 36-hours earlier. “I’ll have to see him at some point but--might avoid it for as long as possible.”

Your phone buzzed on your lap and pulled your attention away from her. You swiped to open the email and despite Gigi having already labeled you a friend, she couldn’t read the look of surprise on your face.

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah--sorry--just a work email.” You clicked it shut and smiled.

Partially true.

Y/N,

We understand your inability to relocate to Los Angeles and would be happy to discuss with you the possibility of a position at our London satellite. If you’re interested, let’s set up a call soon to discuss further details.

**

The next day after work you found yourself at Bryn’s flat making a list of pros and cons. A childish way to make a decision, she told you, but at this point, you felt like you didn’t know which way was up and which was down.

She asked a million questions after you disclosed the details of your most recent social event and in between scribing for you, she’d wonder aloud: what kind of hotel does Gigi stay in? What kind of impression did you make on her if she asked you to get drinks and offered to extend the interview? What did she smell like?

It took a lot of redirecting and a lot of deep breaths.

The list, so far, was as follows:

Pros of E! News on-air job

On-air, a career goal for sure

Higher pay, they’d informed you of the salary over the phone earlier in the day

Live reporting!

A bigger company than The Face, more international?

More opportunities to cover pop-culture (your favorite thing to dissect for a living)

Cons of E! News on-air job

Leaving Naomi and Tyler

Less writing

Potential of having to talk about Harry/more opportunities for a conflict of interest

You looked up from the piece of paper you’d ripped from a notepad at her place, now it sat atop your kitchen counter as you waited for water to boil.

It was undoubtedly a good career move, something you’d long been interested in, and Bryn had assured you that whatever guilt you felt about leaving The Face was unnecessary. A pang of sadness when you realized you couldn’t call Jessie, this was a moment when you would have happily welcomed her strong opinions.

You opened a box of pasta and dumped some into the pot when your phone dinged to signal a new text.

Harry S (6:31pm): Read over the transcript and rough draft you sent to Jeffrey. Honestly worried that people will read it and think dating me is miserable.

Your heart was in your throat in a matter of seconds, skin prickly with emotion as your thumbs hovered over the screen.

Y/N L/N (6:32pm): Well to be fair it wasn’t always a walk in the park.

Harry S (6:32pm): You realize that if you write an article smearing me they’ll cover both of us in the news, right?

Y/N L/N (6:33pm): It’s not smearing you, it’s an honest conversation we had and a think-piece pertaining to sexism in celebrity and pop culture.

Harry S (6:33pm): And your admission that dating me has negatively impacted your personal and professional life…

Y/N L/N (6:34pm): I’m nothing if not an honest journalist 🤷‍♀️

Harry S (6:34pm): Bad press is bad press for both of us

Harry S (6:35pm): Don’t you think we should avoid things that will just bring bad headlines?

Y/N L/N (6:35pm): I’m not changing my article so you don’t have to deal with media backlash

The sound of your pot boiling over made you abandon your phone on the counter. Shit, shit, shit, you tugged it off the burner and found a tea towel to wipe up the spill.

Once you got it back under control, you saw the screen of your phone light up with his contact photo, a knot in your stomach let you know you might not be hungry for dinner anymore.

You swiped your thumb to answer it. “What?”

“Hello to you, too.”

“What do you want, Harry?”

“I want to talk about this feature--isn’t that what we agreed to the other day with Jeff?”

“Pretty sure I agreed to talk to Jeffrey,” you informed. “But go ahead.”

“M’not trying to be a dick, Y/N, okay? But you’ve never wanted our relationship to be making huge news so I’m a bit confused as to why you’re now going to drag me through the mud.”

“Harry,” you said his name calmly and then let out a sigh. “I am not dragging you through the mud by acknowledging the fact that your status as a musician and celebrity has affected my career.”

It felt stupid to explain it to him, it was something he’d been more than willing to acknowledge before.

“Y/N,” he mirrored your tone. “Hard to agree with you when one of the sentences you wrote in your draft is: Sure--as Gigi explains--dating a talented musician has it perks, but the downfalls are easy to count: lack of privacy, grueling schedules, and the constant need to remind just about everyone that you’re more than the vagina he has sex with when he’s not in meetings or on tour.”

“Well, it’s a rough draft, Harry--m’sure Donna wouldn’t let me actually publish that. I’ve just got to get the creative juices flowing.”

He let out a sigh, one that suddenly reminded you that despite his flaws and missteps, he was still human. He still had emotions on the other end of the phone and he was probably right that referencing your--or Gigi’s--vagina was probably not a great idea.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about Jessie.”

You were quiet for a second, stirred the pasta in the water and waited to see if he had anything else to say.

“Are you there?”

“Yes--I just don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Alright, listen. I can’t stop you from breaking up with me and I can’t stop you from writing this feature however you want, but please remember that you’ve worked so hard for your career to be what it is. You built it before I was in New York--” another sigh. “I don’t want to be petty with you, alright? If we’re actually ending this I don’t want it to be stupid and dramatic and immature.”

You clenched your jaw at his insults cloaked as adjectives. “Kind of feels like the pot calling the kettle black.”

“Y/N I can admit I fucked up, alright? But I don’t want to put our friends in the middle or feel like I can’t ever see them because you’re upset with me.”

You couldn’t help yourself: “Sounds like you think they’d take my side.”

He let out a groan, for a second you wondered if he would hang up on you. But you softened when he said: “Actually I just think we care about each other too much to be like this.”

A pause, bubbles in the pot floated towards the surface and across the living room was his spot on the sofa.

“Fine,” you said, your voice less angry.

“Fine?”

“I’ll send another draft to Jeffrey in a few days--but I’m not about to write a glowing review for you. That’s not even what this feature is about. My job is to write about Gigi and the things that she and I spoke about. I won’t let you and your manager dictate it. Showing you the transcripts or the draft is just a courtesy.”

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay.”

“I’ll--uh, talk to you later, yeah?”

You hung up then, but only because you didn’t know if you would.

Jessie Alby (6:45pm): Can we please talk soon?

join the tag list here | talk to me | the playlist

tag list:

@thurhomish @styles217 @ursamajor603 @mleestiles @determined-overthinker @g0bl1nqueen @hsfics @rubytersteege @sing-me-a-song-harry @theresnooneheretosave @cronias13 @rainbowbutterflyboy @unknown7549 @harryspirate @annesauriol @havinaballinthisbitch @tenaciousperfectionunknown @fuck-w-mo

AN: HI FRIENDS! Sorry this chapter took a minute!!!! I am so excited to be sharing this story with you all and it means so much to get messages and hear how invested people are in my characters, so thanks for always reaching out and sharing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, questions, etc. Hope everyone is having a lovely October!!!!!

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Sat 24 April ‘21

There were lots of pictures from Gigi’s cheese-themed birthday party last night in New York-- Zayn can be seen bringing her a cheese-wedge shaped cake and holding it while she blew out the candles, and the partygoers came outside into the pap zone to visit the grilled cheese food truck they hired to be out front of their building, so lots of pics from that very brief photo-op outing. Bella posted a cute (one might even say... cheesy??) pic of Zayn and Gigi snuggling from the party, and Zayn was papped again today, out in NY with PA Taryn. AND not only THAT, he popped in to not only a fan chat, but an AUDIO fan chat, to say hey! He says, “yo can yeh hear me?”, hey how’s it going, and okay then ttyl have a nice day, just in and out like that. No question: this man is up to something. New NIL single or something else, IDK, but Zayn never gives it away for free! Zomething is coming.

Also celebrating something today, Lewis Capaldi and a gang of other drunk rich dudes that include Niall. The large group can be seen in a video singing and cheering on a pub patio in London, and various folks there posted happy drinking-with-pals pics; IDK what they’re celebrating but from the looks of it, it’s the end of COVID, which is not going over at all well with fans! We know they reserved the whole place, and they’re probably all vaccinated, but it’s still Bending the Rules and the general reaction is unequivocal-- folks do not love to see it. And if that wasn’t enough, he may have unfollowed Ashe on instagram! Pissing fans off left and right today, that’s our Niall! He’s just chilling though, drinking with the gang and tweeting @ astronauts-- he posted “just incredible watching my great friend [Shane Kimbrough] commanding SpaceX dragon and docking on to the space station. Mind blowing that we spoke only last week on zoom and now he’s in space,” (that’s the guy that put Black and White on his ‘driving to the launch pad’ playlist the other day), and asked that we “please keep your fingers crossed” for Derby today. They need all the help they can get I’m sure, but not sure the fans wanna be asked to step up for you today Niall, the team may have to muddle through this one without those particular hopes and prayers.

[lululawrence]

Snippet Sunday

It has been... a very long time since I’ve had time on Sunday to pull one of these together, I’m sorry! Thank you SO much to all my dearies who tagged me to share: @kingsofeverything, @justalarryblog (more than once, oops), @fournipplesau, @hershelsue, @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, @mercurial-madhouse, @louloubabys1992, @disgruntledkittenface, @thedevilinmybrain, @beckydoesthings, @zanniscaramouche, @beelou, @lightwoodsmagic, and @haztobegood! i will try not to put things like this off for like six weeks next time lolol

Okay, so for my snippet, I’ll share a snippet from my fic for @1dcountryfest! Hope it was worth the wait (I’m sorry againnnnn!)

Louis narrowed his eyes. “Harold, do you mean to tell me I’m out here on stage in the middle of your set because we are going to prove to these kind people right now that we aren’t enemies?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what is going to happen.”

“But we are enemies,” Louis teased, causing Harry to laugh his ridiculously loud honking laugh. 

“Niall, please bring out the wheel!”

“What wheel?” Louis asked, laughter bubbling up when Niall wheeled out what looked like a miniature version of the wheel of fortune.

“As you can see, there are two pieces of paper attached to each colored wedge. One is a question about you, and one is a question about me. We will take turns spinning the wheel and will then ask the other the question we land on. The more points we can gather for correct answers, the better we have proven we are, in fact, good friends..”

“Oh my god,” Louis groaned, dropping his head back. “These wonderful people did not pay their hard earned money to watch us play a stupid game. They want to hear you sing!”

“I don’t know about that,” Harry said, turning towards the audience again. “Would you guys like to see us play this game?”

The cheers that came roaring back at them about knocked Louis over with the force, so he held up his hands in surrender. 

“Alright, as long as they know what they’re getting themselves into.” Louis watched as Harry spun the wheel and it whirled around, making Louis dizzy with the spinning rainbows. “Wait, who’d you even get to give you good questions about me?” Louis asked, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t get a headache. “It doesn’t seem fair that you could come up with your questions but I couldn’t come up with mine.”

“Oh, I didn’t come up with my questions,” Harry said, wagging his eyebrows. “My sister did. Liam came up with yours.”

“Gonna kill him after this, thank you for ratting him out.”

Harry rolled his eyes and pulled his paper off the board. “Oh! You’re gonna know this one, Lou!”

“Oh, well that’s good,” Louis said, laughing. “Alright, hit me.”

“What is my least favorite topping on pizza?”

“Oh, olives! The uh, the uh… oh my god, what are they called?” Louis was snapping his fingers, watching the time he had to guess count down. “The fancy greenish brown ones? Kalamata! Kalamata olives!”

“That is correct! One point to us!”

Woo! lollll I had fun with that part, I hope it makes sense lololol ANYWAY, I now tag... EVERYONE who tagged me first to share another snippet, sunday or not lollll

[ktrsss1fics]

Cake By The Ocean: Nine

“But Keith--”

Niall’s ears perked up as he heard the voice of a person whom he had regretted meeting. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen, with fear in her eyes, was an American woman who had no business being in Mykonos. She was clutching her cell phone against her chest while a very angry-looking man from Essex faced her. Something serious had happened but he didn’t know what it was. He turned to ask his girlfriend about what was going on but she wasn’t there -- she was making her way towards the door.

“Delete the fucking video or you’ll wish you never met me.” Keith Miller said clutching his fist.

The Irishman took a deep breath. Those were fighting words and Georgina wasn’t one to let her friends fight alone. The last thing Niall needed was for his girlfriend to get arrested. He promised her mother he wouldn’t let it happen. Without hesitation, he followed in Georgina’s footsteps. When he got to the door, she had wedged herself between Keith and Mar.

“I was just taking a video of the floor tiles,” Mar said with a nervous laugh.

“Yeah, yeah and me gran’s the Queen,” Keith said. “Delete it.”

“You know, you are being really rude right now. You invited me here and I’m totally feeling attacked. I didn’t even do anything wrong.”

“You little cun--” Keith started to say but stopped as he felt someone touch him. He looked down to find Georgina standing in front of him. The concerned look on her face made his heart hurt.

“Calm down,” Georgina said softly.

“Ferg, I-I-I--” Keith groaned, incapable of forming a proper sentence.

“She’s not worth it. Whatever it is that you saw -- just let it go.” Georgina said.

Niall watched as Keith closed his eyes. He could tell his friend was struggling with something. He had a few ideas of what it could be about.

“Ferg,” Niall said, trying to catch his girlfriend’s attention but she didn’t budge.

Keith took a deep breath before opening his eyes.

“Georgina, I’m going to respectfully ask ya to move, babes.” He said as he focused on Mar.

Georgina tried to catch his eyes but Keith’s gaze didn’t waver. She stepped away slowly. Niall reached out and pulled her towards him.

“I’m gonna ask again nicely. Marlene, delete the video.” Keith said.

Mar let out a frustrated sigh, “Keith. I don’t---”

“That’s fucking bullshit. I saw you take it.” Keith stepped closer to her. “Delete it.”

“Who cares if I took it? It’s not like they are gonna last.” Mar rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t deserve someone like her. He could do so much better.”

As soon as the words left her lips, Mar regretted them. Within an instant, a very serious woman from the midlands of England was staring her down. She didn’t need to say anything. Her face said it all. Both men froze not knowing what was going to happen next.

“Girl, you—you—you know I—“ Marlene stuttered.

“Oi Miller, you think Glenn would like to know what her employee does during business hours?” Georgina said void of emotion.

“I mean she might be interested in knowing about the suspicious shopping charges on the company card and all the sex taking place in the conference room on company time,” Keith stated. “Wouldn’t she?”

The American woman’s eyes went wide. “You know Glenn?”

“I know everyone,” Keith said.

Georgina looked the woman up and down, “And I know everything.”

“You don’t scare me,” Marlene replied.

“I can make sure you never work in Los Angeles again,” Keith said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And she works for one of the biggest law firms in the city so you are definitely barking up the wrong tree there babes.”

Marlene’s eyes went wide as realization hit. These two weren’t messing around.

“You-you-you guys know I wouldn’t actually do anything, right?” The American said with a nervous laugh. “I was just messing around.”

She pulled out her phone so Keith could see it and deleted the video completely off of her phone.

“We have no time for those false statements especially when it’s just for clout, Miriam,” Georgina said.

Niall did his best to stifle a laugh but he was unsuccessful. Keith grinned before stepping away from the two women. He tugged on Georgina’s hand and she followed in suit.

“It’s Mar--” Mar started to say, causing Georgina to roll her eyes.

“Leave it.” Niall and Keith said in unison.

But Georgina couldn’t. She turned around and took two steps towards the American.

“You know you ruined a really great chance, right?” Georgina said.

Mar looked confused, “How so?”

Georgina pointed back at Keith, “That man right there is a motherfuckin’ catch. Next time you try to take advantage of Keith Miller, think again.”

“I-I-I--” Mar stammered.

“Ferg,” Keith said, slightly embarrassed.

“No, fuck that. You know what you did. You don’t even deserve to be in the same room as him.”

“Ferg…” Niall called out.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Georgina mumbled as she turned around and walked away.

The young woman walked past her friends and didn’t stop until she got to the foyer. She started to pace as the boys followed after her.

“Do you need to go take a lap?” Niall asked jokingly.

“No.” Georgina scoffed. “I can calm down. I’m just worked up.”

Keith sighed, “I’m sorry. I should’ve known better.”

Niall wrapped an arm around Keith’s shoulder. “At least you caught it.”

“And took care of it,” Georgina added.

“Did you mean what you said?” Keith asked, rubbing Niall’s back.

“Who me?” Georgina asked looking up at the boys.

“Of course he’s talkin' to ya.” Niall laughed.

She smiled. “You might be an idiot but you’re our idiot and no one is allowed to fuck with you.”

“Nialler, she’s a keeper,” Keith said with a wink.

“Don’t I know it.” Niall laughed, making Georgina blush.

Keith looked between his friends, “You lot want a drink? I think we’ve earned one more.”

“Sounds great.” Georgina chirped as the boy from Essex headed back to the kitchen.

Niall walked over to his girlfriend and took her hands into his. “You good?”

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” Georgina joked.

Niall squeezed her hands before letting out a sigh.

“Babe, I’m good. I promise.” Georgina said, nudging him. “We’re good.”

He nodded. “We’re good.”

“Actually, we’re more than good.” She said, placing a quick kiss on his nose. “We’re great.”

“Okay, Tony.” Niall blushed.

“Don’t be going all shy on me, Horan.” She teased making his cheeks grow rosier.

“Me? Shy? Never.” He laughed.

“Sure, Jan.” Georgina said making him laugh even more.

“I just want to make sure we are--” Niall said before she cut him off.

“This was just a test. We are good and we are going to be good. We can talk about this later when we are alone.” She explained. “Now, I believe Keith Miller is waiting for us.”

Niall interlocked their fingers as they slowly made their way back into the kitchen.

“You know when you get all serious and lawyer-like it’s super hot, right?”

Georgina could feel her entire body grow warm. “Stop.”

Niall leaned in close before whispering in her ear, “Better take those panties off now because as soon as we get in that room that skirt is coming up and your face is going to be buried in a pillow.”

She knew exactly what he was trying to do. She knew the only way to get out of this unscathed would be to fight fire with fire. She took a deep breath before whispering, “Who says I’m wearing panties?”

The groan that escaped that boy’s mouth made a very pleased smile form on her face.

“For fuck’s sake, Georgina,” Niall said as his pants grew tight.

“And that’s how it’s done, ladies and gentlemen.” She winked before walking away.

[philosophersandfools]

Adam and Ronan, Vegas AU?

“Whisky, neat.”

“ID please.” 

Ronan scoffs. The bartender doesn’t waver, just raises his eyebrows at Ronan before placing a lime on the rim of a cocktail glass and serving a woman seated further down the bar. 

When he sees Ronan is still staring incredulously, he approaches with a polite, “Sir, I need to see your ID before I can serve you.”

Ronan hangs with Kavinsky so he’s had a fake ID since he was thirteen, but he shouldn’t need to use it in this particular casino. Bartender must be new.

“You’re not 21,” Ronan shoots at him.

The bartender pins Ronan with a flat gaze. “Yes, I am.” Through the hazy smoke and dim lighting, there’s something almost otherworldly about those deep-set, watchful eyes. 

“No.” Ronan says it definitively, because he may be wasted but he’s still like ninety-nine percent sure this guy isn’t any older than Ronan himself is.

The bartender assesses Ronan for a moment longer, then says, “I’m not risking my job by serving you.” He unearths a damp rag and begins wiping down the mahogany bar.

“So you lied on your resume?” Ronan guesses loudly. He doesn’t care for lying, and he makes his disdain known. 

The bartender, whose name is Adam (Ronan belatedly remembers the staff at the Dream Casino wear nametags) grimaces and glances around to ensure no one’s overheard them. It’s a quiet Tuesday evening, though, and it’s dinnertime. Most guests are out eating or catching a show at this hour. 

“Oh, no one gives a shit,” Ronan says, waving his arm at the sprawling casino floor behind him and almost falling off the bar stool. 

“Yeah, I’m definitely not serving you.” Adam isn’t smiling, but he isn’t not smiling, either. Ronan counts it as a win.

He grips the bar to straighten himself and catches sight of Declan striding down a row of blinking slot machines towards the elevators. He’s speaking seriously with a distinguished-looking man three times their age: Kavinsky’s dad. 

Ronan scowls, his insides twisting with anger. He doesn’t want to know what kind of Bulgarian mobster bullshit Declan’s gotten himself into; this is why Ronan stays away from the Dream, these days. 

“Look at him,” he spits bitterly, eying his older brother. “Marching around like he owns the place.” If he had his whisky, he’d throw it back in one go and slam the glass down to make his point. 

Adam won’t serve him, though, so Ronan just crosses his arms instead.

“He does own the place,” Adam notes wryly. 

“He’s not the only owner.”

“Not technically,” Adam admits, tossing a few used water glasses into the sink below the bar. “Though the one brother is only like fifteen, and they say the other one-“

He breaks off abruptly. Ronan looks back, unease growing.

Adam has gone very, very still. He’s staring at Ronan, his expression morphing into something distant and closed off. Without a word, he spins, carefully pours a glass of top-shelf whisky, and places it in front of Ronan. 

“What do they say about the other one?” Ronan presses, his voice low. He doesn’t actually care what anyone says about the infamously fucked-up middle Lynch brother, but he wants Adam to turn those dark blue eyes on him again. Wants some kind of assurance that his last name isn’t going to drive a wedge between them.

Adam is looking past Ronan though, his jaw set. “I need this job,” is all he says. Ronan supposes it’s an apology, sort of, for refusing to serve him earlier. Or maybe it’s a request not to unleash that infamous Lynch fury for the slight. 

Niall Lynch had earned his reputation around town, after all. Ronan wishes people would stop treating him like they treated his dad. Like he’s someone to respect.

Someone to fear.

“Relax,” Ronan snaps, mood darkening at the unfathomable chasm rapidly growing between himself and Adam. “I won’t tell my brother you’re risking the Dream’s liquor license by serving a minor.” 

Adam presses his lips together and nods tightly. “Let me know if there’s anything else you need, Mr. Lynch.” And then he’s gone and Ronan is left staring into his whisky glass, alone.

***

I derived a ridiculous amount of joy out of writing this, thank you for the prompt (also are you surprised at ALL that it morphed into a mobster au?? it’s me, so really it was inevitable) xx