#no Freddy mercury is my dad genetically

[welcometotheravenclawcommonroom]

Just ONCE I would like to be able to refer to my dad as אבא to my goy friends (I spell it in English as abba) without getting mamma Mia jokes.

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Life Is Proud: Life Of Agony’s Mina Caputo: “I don’t like being called transgender or transsexual… I’m a beautiful human being”

Pioneering Life Of Agony singer Mina Caputo opens up about letting go of the past, spirituality, and the Pride movement during the third instalment of Kerrang!’s Life Is Proud campaign.

“You’re setting off landmines inside of me!” says Mina Caputo. We’re 35 minutes into a filmed interview which we are conducting as part of Kerrang!’s Life Is Proud campaign in celebration of Pride Month.

Our conversation thus far has embraced everything from the work of psychologist Carl Jung and his study of the dark side of the mind through to the disinformation of modern media, and on to the liberating impact of artists such as Robert Plant and Freddie Mercury.

The ​“landmines”, though, consist of a few questions about Mina’s remarkable career and her own journey to find herself. They do, indeed, trigger explosions – delivered with her customary frankness and forays into deeply emotional territory.

Mina’s story starts in Brooklyn where she was born in December 1973. At the age of one, she lost her mother to an overdose. Her father was also an addict – ​“I grew up pulling dope needles out of my dad’s arm,” she told Kerrang! last year – and when he OD’d she had to identify his body. Both moments, she says, armed her to face the real world, providing her with ​“spiritual juice” as she also began to seek solace in music.

Raised by her Italian-American grandparents in a brutally traditional atmosphere, Mina experienced a sense of gender dysphoria from a young age – something she carried with her when she formed alternative metal band, Life Of Agony, in her teens. Her sense of alienation increased as the band’s popularity grew and she continued to feel at odds with the bristling machismo, muscle-flexing and sheer violence within the East Coast scene.

“Life Of Agony were a very different band from the jump,” she says. ​“But that time taught me to protect my neck. It taught me how to be afraid of my own unique authenticity. The first five or 10 years of my career, we were abused. There were lots of comments, like I’m a gay junkie, because I looked differently and I sang differently. We were left out of scenes and we were left off bills. But I knew why: because were bad-ass and we rose to the top really, really fast. People didn’t like that. Other bands didn’t like that.”

For Mina, her quest to find herself had become a key issue which she had to address. In a conservative scene, her experimentation with her image and sense of sexual exploration came at a price.

“I started painting my fingernails and toenails with Jonathan [Davis] on a tour with Ozzy Osbourne and Korn [in 1996], and that was seen as rebellious!” she smiles. ​“And I started going onstage wearing a big women’s fur coat and getting so much shit for just being different – and for being someone unlike the scene had ever really seen. I was a trendsetter, a physical trendsetter. And being in that scene, it was horrifying.”

Things came to a head following the release of Soul Searching Sun, Life Of Agony’s third album, in 1997, when Mina finally decided her only option was to leave the band. Against all odds, LOA would reform in 2003 and continue to release a string of acclaimed albums, their story documented in the no-holds barred documentary The Sound Of Scars.

“I felt afraid, I felt like dying,” reflects Mina on the struggles she endured as she quit the band. ​“I felt like my cellular structure was continuously dying and I wasn’t alive or living, I wasn’t sharing my true self. I was definitely afraid. It took me to quit the band because I wasn’t being true to myself. I had to get away from my band, the label, everyone I worked with.”

A hugely varied solo career spanning over 10 albums and endless collaborations followed, but Mina still feels that history weighs heavily on her.

“No-one wants to let go of my past story. Every lame rock journalist starts of the article in the same way because there’s no more creative writing anymore. Everyone’s cutting and pasting. ​‘Mina Caputo – once Keith Caputo’,” she snorts.

“Everyone has to keep reintroducing the fact that I’m a freak, born anatomically a boy. No shit! I’m a different creature. I’m not trying to be a boy, or trying to fit into your dickhead masculine world! Nor am I trying to fit into the genetic female world. I don’t give a fuck! I don’t give a fuck about fitting into your marginalised soulless, fear-based spiritually bankrupt world. I’ve gone my own world, my own internal world. I’ve got my music. I’ve got small selection of friends. I’ve got my money. I’ve got my divine protection. I’ve got my studies. I’m not a stupid motherfucker! I study quantum physics! I study Hopi American prophecies! I study philosophy. I’m well-equipped for this fucking world!”

Mina’s bravery in the face of adversity remains inspirational. Experiencing the distrust of ​‘otherness’ during her childhood, she has battled against prejudice most of her adult life. And, yet, she admits that her decision to come out as transgender in 2011 was far from easy.

“It was very, very scary,” she reflects. ​“I didn’t tell a lot of people until my body started to change and I couldn’t hide it anymore. For the first year of hormone therapy, I kept it hidden.”

She is also honest enough to admit that, even a decade on, she still suffers from moments of self-doubt.

“It’s not like, ​‘I’ve arrived! I’m fucking whole!’” Mina says, triggering another explosion. ​“I battle with things every day. Some days I think about going back to living as a guy. The pressure of the world, of politics, of the garbage surrounding me – if I let it get to me, I can get sick. My immunity will collapse if I let the world fuck with my power and who I am. And it’s a good thing that I’ve been doing yoga for 30 years. I’ve been meditating for just as long. Thank the ancient gods and that I’ve downloaded the wisdom codes to give me the strength to carry on.”

Mina’s self-preservation and spirituality is evident in most of her interviews, and yet her quest has also contributed to her ongoing sense of frustration with the world she sees around her.

“I think I am a gentle and considerate human being and I believe in true equality. I want everyone to be in love with their lives and the planet itself,” she nods. ​“That’s what life is about, but there are people and organisations that try and get in the way of that so I get frustrated and angry about that.

“Society, the political paradigm, all of it – it’s one big farce, one big façade! It’s very inorganic and anti-life. I don’t care if you’re Democratic or Republican, nobody is leading with love. Nobody!” she continues. ​“Even in Britain. Your policies around trans people – and it’s the same in America – they’re trying so very fucking hard to continuously disempower the human species!”

The idea of codification is something that Mina frowns upon, so how does she view the Pride movement as a whole?

“Pride is a very ego-driven ideology and I work really hard to cut the strings of my ego,” she explains. ​“Pride means different things to different people. The LGBTQ community wants love from the outside world, but I think the LGBTQ community needs to start loving on one another. We’re never going to get respect from the rest of the world if you don’t do that. You have gay guys constantly coming down on trans girls, you’ve got trans girls coming down on trans girls, you’ve got a new fucking word every day and you can’t say this or you can’t say that.

“If Pride gives people a feeling of wholeness, then it’s a good thing. I know it makes a lot of people happy. But you’ve got to create your own circle in a sense rather than be defined by someone else’s narrative.”

Describing herself as ​“a lone wolf”, Mina concludes our conversation by pointing out her issues with the labels ascribed to individuals by society.

“I don’t like being called transgender, or transsexual, or trans-this or trans-that. I’m a beautiful human being. I’m a gender-creative child. I’m very different. I don’t subscribe to these one-dimensional ideas. My mind is too vast, my mind is like the Dao, you know? I wear my heart on my sleeve all the time and that’s what being genuine and authentic is all about,” she offers as one of her parting shots. ​“But if you’re asking me how I am? I’m full of love, full of harmony and thankfulness. What else do you want?”

[starrystarrybabe]

Oh, How the Mighty Fall [In Love] CHAPTER SEVEN (Ben Hardy x OC)

Lily Anne Mercury is brought in to help with Bohemian Rhapsody at the request of her Uncle Bri and Uncle Rog, and along the way, she might meet someone to share her life with. The only problem with this is that while their friends and the world can see that they’re perfect for each other, they’re going to be fully blind to this for a while.

CHAPTER ONE, CHAPTER TWO, CHAPTER THREE, CHAPTER FOUR, CHAPTER FIVE, CHAPTER SIX

DISCLAIMER: I’m fully aware that it would’ve been physically impossible for Jim and Freddie to have a child even with this method during the time they were alive, but the idea of Freddie as a dad and the idea of how his child would turn out to be was just too sweet for me to not write.

Hello everyone! I apologize for the long ass wait time. Emotionally and mentally, I’m not doing the best rn, and it’s really kicking my ass. I tried my hardest on this chapter, and I hope y’all like it!

-- casey

TRIGGERS: mentions of alcoholism? Honestly nothing is really that spicy in this installment of the story

FACECLAIMS:

Kelly Gale as Lily Anne Mercury

Sira P. Kante as Ezichi Adebayo

Erika Linder as Bronwyn Ryan-Hughes

Bree Kish as Madigan Ryan-Hughes

“Can you believe this shit? I’m not invited to the Golden Globes because I wasn’t ‘close enough to the project!’” Lily Anne scoffs, pacing in the studio as she rants to Zichi. “That’s complete and utter horseshit and we all know it. I was there almost every day we weren’t on tour! Fuck the Golden Globes!”

Ezichi sips her tea, frowning in confusion. “You’re Freddie’s daughter. You helped in every step of the project. You’re dedicated to keeping his memory alive. Why wouldn’t you be invited to an event celebrating a movie that created a whole new generation of Queen fans to help in those efforts?”

Lily Anne nods furiously, flailing her arms in distress. “Exactly! I don’t get it.”

Zichi nods. “It makes no sense. I’m going as Gwil’s plus one, but if you really want to be there, I would give up my spot for you.”

Lily Anne shakes her head. “No, please don’t do that. You and Gwil deserve to have a nice night out and some rocking sex in a hotel bed. I won’t take that away from you.”

Ezichi blushes at Lily’s comment. “Really, Lily. My sex life is fine without hotel rooms. I don’t need to go.”

She raises a brow. “Just fine? That’s upsetting, I thought Gwil would do better than fine.”

Ezichi rolls her eyes before putting down her cup. “Lily, tell Ben and Joe that you’re not invited to the Globes.”

Lily frowns. “Why?”

Ezichi grins. “If Gwil got a plus one, I’m sure that the same invitation went out to Ben and Joe. Either of them could bring you.”

She perks up and kisses Zichi’s forehead, cupping her cheeks. “Ezichi Adebayo, you absolute genius of a woman. I love you to the moon and back.”

She takes out her phone as Ezichi grins.

Lily Anne: IM SENDING OUT AN SOS TO EVERYONE

Lily Anne: I HAVE NOT BEEN INVITED TO THE GOLDEN GLOBES

Lily Anne: I NEED TO BE SOMEONE’S PLUS ONE

Dinosaur Boy: why didn’t they invite you???

Lily Anne: i wasn’t “close enough to the project”

Benjamin Jones: that’s absolute bullshit!

Benjamin Jones: fuckin wankers

Lily Anne: i know, right? anyways, if one of you lovely men could take me as a plus one, i’d fucking love that.

---

“Hello?” Joe picks up his phone, leaning back on his couch.

“Hey. It’s Ben. I need a favor,” his friend frantically asks.

“Sure thing, Benny. What do you need?” Joe asks, perking up.

“Ask Lily to be your plus one,” he says.

“But-- but she loves you, not me! She’d like it more if you brought her,” Joe says, frowning.

Ben lets out a whine of distress. “Please, Joe. I’ll get too nervous, and fuck something up, and I can’t afford to lose this-- I can’t afford to lose her.”

Joe nods slowly, biting his lip. “Okay. I get what you’re saying--”

“--then do this one favor for me, please!” Ben interrupts, stressed out.

“I will! Just promise me one thing,” Joe says.

“What is it? I’ll do literally anything to repay you for this,” Ben asks.

“You ask her to the Oscars,” Joe responds.

Ben fumbles with his words for a minute before sighing heavily. “Sure. I’ll do that.”

Joe grins. “Good. I’ll ask her later today, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you so much, buddy,” Ben says, sounding much more relaxed.

“You’re welcome, Ben,” Joe says. “Remember, you’re asking her to the Oscars!”

“Don’t worry, I will!” Ben insists.

“Alright. I’ll see you soon, Ben.”

“Thanks, mate. Bye.”

When Ben hangs up, he sees Frankie looking at him with a distinctly unimpressed expression.

“You wouldn’t understand, Frankie.”

The dog huffs and walks out of the room.

---

Lily Anne is reclining in her oversized bathtub, enjoying a bath bomb and a face mask. Reykja sits on the bath mat, chewing on her bone, and Lily Anne has her eyes closed and is listening to royalty-free spa music she downloaded online onto her phone. She’s very zen at the moment. Suddenly her phone rings, and she frowns, opening one eye in annoyance. This is her free time. How dare someone interrupt it.

She looks at the phone and sees that Joe is calling, and picks up. “Lily Anne Mercury, speaking. You’ve interrupted my bath time, so this better be worth it, Dinosaur Boy.”

Joe gasps. “Oh, no! I’m so sorry, Lily. I can call later, but I think you’d want to hear this.”

She nods and leans back. “Alright. What’s going on?”

“Ben asked me to do something,” he says.

Lily Anne perks up, smiling. “Oh?”

“Don’t get too happy. He asked me to ask you to the Golden Globes.”

She sighs and leans back in the tub. “Oh… why isn’t he asking me?”

“He got scared, alright? I know I’m not him, and you’d rather be with him, but would you like to go to the Golden Globes with me? You don’t need to be by my side the entire time, just on the red carpet. Once that’s over, feel free to do whatever--” Joe begins ranting, and it’s the most considerate rant Lily Anne has ever heard.

“I’d love to go to the Golden Globes with you, Joe,” Lily says, smiling fondly.

“Great! It’s a date then,” Joe responds.

“What color is your bow tie? I can try to match it, if you’d like,” Lily asks, petting her pup lazily with one hand.

“I was thinking just doing a black one. Wear whatever you want. You’ll look good in anything.”

Lily laughs. “You’re too kind, darling. I’ll try not to overdress.”

Joe lets out a breath of laughter. “Alright. I’ll see you soon, Lily. Get back to your bath.”

“Have a nice night, Joe,” she responds before hanging up and letting out a deep sigh.

She looks down as Reykja blinks up at her curiously.

“I really thought Ben was going to ask me, didn’t you, girl?”

The dog lets out a yip of agreement.

“It’s alright, though. I’ll be fine, love. There’s always other events.”

1991

“Darling, must you do this?” Freddie asks from the tub filled with bubbles, looking over at Jim. “She’s still so young.”

Jim raises a brow and looks over at Freddie. “I found a knot in her hair yesterday that looked like it could be a bird’s nest, Freddie. It’s time.”

Freddie takes time to release a bone-shaking cough and leans back in the tub. “It’s such a shame, though. Her curls are immaculate!”

Jim sighs. “She’ll still have the curls afterward. If anything they’ll be more pronounced since her hair will be shorter.”

Lily Anne’s hair has gotten out of control, lately. It is past her butt, and the Indian genetics she has makes it very thick. Nobody in their right mind would be alright with spending over an hour detangling a two-year-old’s hair every day.

Freddie frowns. “Oh, alright. Just make sure she looks cute.”

Jim grins and kisses the little girl propped up on the bathroom counter. “She’s half you. Of course she’ll look cute. She’ll be beautiful no matter what haircut she has.”

Lily Anne coos, waving her little hands around. Her parents grin at her, and Freddie looks on with a happy gaze. He’s so lucky to be able to see her grow at least this much, though he knows that his time in this world is coming to its close.

“Ready for the cut, flower?” Jim asks. “It won’t hurt, sweetie.”

Lily blows a spit bubble and as Jim cuts her wet curls, she makes her mouth into an ‘o’ shape and watches in the mirror. She giggles and takes a handful of her hair, giving it a gentle tug. Jim pries her fingers away and quickly finishes the job, and Lily grins, looking at her shoulder-length curls.

Jim turns the girl towards Freddie and grins.

“You look amazing, darling girl!” Freddie coos hoarsely, smiling at his baby girl.

“You really should trust me more, love. I told you she’d look wonderful no matter what haircut she has,” Jim chuckles, kissing Lily’s cheek.

Preparing for the Golden Globes

Lily Anne smiles as her ends are trimmed, watching in the mirror. “My dad gave me my first haircut, you know. He was a barber before becoming the gardener at Garden Lodge,” she says, smiling wistfully.

The hair stylist smiles, trimming a little bit more off her ends. “That’s so sweet! Did he always cut your hair?”

She laughs. “Yes, until I began dying my hair in college and doing crazy punk hairstyles by myself. He seemed horrified but didn’t complain. He even bought me a hair straightener that wouldn’t fry it nearly as much as the cheap one I had.”

The stylist nods. “I remember when you would come out with crazy hair colors and choppy bangs and I really loved it.”

She grins. “Thank you, darling. That’s so sweet!”

The rest of the time passes and by the end of it, Lily’s hair is in a half bun, with the rest of it gently curled. Then, the makeup artist comes in and does a fairly natural look on her, but with an intense smokey eye. When she looks in the mirror, she smiles.

“Oh, it’s perfect, darling! Thank you so much!”

The artist smiles and shrugs. “You were a wonderful canvas. Thank you for the opportunity, Miss Mercury.”

She scoffs. “Call me Lily. I will be calling you the next time I’m in Los Angeles. Consider yourself booked for the Oscars, love.”

The makeup artist leaves and Lily changes into her dress, which is a stunning custom McQueen mermaid gown, emerald green with Swarovski crystals adorning the entire thing in place of embroidery. It dips low and creates a lot of cleavage, and the crystals are in the shape of Freddie’s face. Her assistant helps her put on her crystal choker and hoops, and she smiles as she looks in the mirror. Finally, her Louboutins are put on, and she hears a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” She asks.

“Your hot date,” Joe replies.

She picks up her matching clutch and opens the door, revealing Joe in a nicely tailored suit. He looks her over, in awe.

“Wow, Lily… I’m the one with the hot date,” he says, looking at the dress. “That’s Freddie’s face! Holy shit!”

She shakes her head. “The suit fits you perfectly, Mr. Mazzello. You look absolutely dashing. How are you still single?”

Joe shrugs. “I dunno. Must be my personality, I guess.”

Lily scoffs and shakes her head. “I’ll have none of that self-depricating nonsense tonight. Now, let’s get to the car, shall we?”

Joe holds out his arm for her and she takes it, smiling as they walk downstairs to the car, where Gwil and Ezichi are waiting. Allen, his daughter, Ben, Rami, and Lucy have already left for the event.

They enter the car and Gwil looks at Lily’s dress, nodding in approval. “You look very nice tonight, Lily. I love the dress.”

She grins. “Why thank you, Gwil! The suit is fabulous. Did Ezichi have the final say?”

Ezichi kisses Gwil’s cheek and nods. “Of course I did, and didn’t I do well?”

Joe nods. “Hell yeah, you did. You didn’t do too badly yourself, Zichi. That’s a wonderful pantsuit.”

Ezichi is wearing a white and black harlequin wide leg pantsuit with small diamonds on the edges of it, and she looks stunning.

Ezichi grins. “Thank you, Joe. It might be hard to piss in, but at least I look great.”

Gwil wraps an arm around his girlfriend. “You look magnificent, Zichi.”

Ezichi leans into her boyfriend and Lily lets out a fake vomit noise with Joe.

“Disgusting,” Lily says.

“Find a room,” Joe adds.

“If you wanted to fuck that badly, you shouldn’t have chosen a pantsuit,” Lily comments.

The pair blushes and Lily and Joe crack up, leaning back in their seats.

---

When they’re escorted to the red carpet, Ben is waiting for Joe to arrive, and when he sees Lily Anne--

Wow. She looks gorgeous.

Instant regret fills his head, and thoughts swirl as she approaches in her green gown.

‘Why didn’t you ask you, you bloody idiot? She’s stunning, and she could be on your arm right now if you had the fucking balls to ask her to the event. You’re an idiot, a right idiot, and you blew it.’

He’s forced out of his thoughts when she comes up to him, smiling. “No plus one, Ben?”

Ben refocuses on her. “A-ah, no. No plus one. My mum couldn’t come with me, and I didn’t want to ask anyone on Tinder.” He lets out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck.

She shrugs. “Oh, well. It’s a shame.” She thinks for a moment before smiling. “You know what? I can be both yours and Joe’s plus one. I’m alright with being shared for the night.”

Joe comes up to Ben and gives him a hug. “Looking good, buddy.”

Ben grins at Joe. “Better than Cardy B?”

Joe laughs and nods. “Much better than Cardy B.”

Lily grins, taking both boys’ arms. “It’s showtime, boys. Let’s show them all how wonderful we are.”

The trio walks down the red carpet, and their names are screamed by the masses. Cameras flash, and Lily helps them navigate with practiced poise. She’s been doing this since she was a child, and the spotlight is where she belongs. They split up once it gets to the photos, and she puts on a smile, showing off her custom gown.

After some group photo ops, Lily goes off with Zichi and Lucy, and the girls enter the building.

Lucy smiles at Lily as they stop by the bar, and squeezes her hand. “What was your favorite cocktail when you drank?”

Lily looks at Lucy and smiles. “I loved Moscow mules.”

Lucy nods and looks to the bartender. “Can you make a vodka tonic and a virgin Moscow mule, please?” The bartender nods, and Lucy turns back to Lily. “You look upset. Is it because Ben didn’t ask you to the event?”

She lets out a deep sigh and Zichi rubs her back. “He loves you, Lily. It’s just because he’s nervous.”

Lily shakes her head. “Everyone is saying that, but… I need to hear it from him before I fully let myself believe it. I mean, him loving me would be a dream come true. I’ve never experienced my dreams going according to plan. Most times they backfire. I can’t risk losing this one. If I do… I’ll never find anyone I love as much as I love him.”

The bartender passes them their drinks, and Lily Anne tries hers. It tastes… delicious. Her face lights up.

“Excuse me, darling? I must have the recipe for this drink. It’s amazing, and to do it without alcohol is impressive.”

The bartender nods and writes down the recipe on a napkin, grinning. “I’m glad you like it! Here you go. Enjoy.”

She takes the napkin and places it in her clutch, grinning.

Lucy smiles. “Did that make tonight a little better?”

Lily nods, and Zichi hugs her friend. “You deserve nice things, Lily. One of those nice things can be Ben.”

Lily smiles and when she pulls away, she smirks. “One of your nice things can be rocking hotel sex. You don’t have to clean the sheets the next day, so go wild!”

Ezichi coughs, keeling over at Lily’s words. Lucy laughs, leaning against the bar. Lily sips her drink, pleased with herself.

When Brian and Roger enter and see the scene, immediately they tense up as they see a drink in Lily’s hand.

“That better be bloody virgin, Lily,” Roger says, raising a brow.

She nods and smiles, holding out her drink for him to try. “100% virgin, unlike us.”

He sips the drink and nods before handing it back to her. “Not bad. I like it. What’s got Zichi so red?”

She smirks. “I told her that she deserves good hotel sex.”

Roger scoffs and nods. “Hell yeah, she does! The best part is that you don’t have to wash the sheets afterward!”

Lily grins. “That’s what I said.”

Ezichi grimaces. “He’s corrupted you.”

Roger grins and kisses Lily’s forehead, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and jostling her. “Been doing that since day one.”

Brian speaks up, rubbing Ezichi’s back. “We’re going to take our seats with Rami, but we’ll see you later. Hopefully, we win something,” he says, crossing his fingers.

Lily nods and hugs her uncle. “Of course you will. Freddie’s energy was central in the movie, and he thrived despite the odds. This movie will too.”

Brian kisses the top of her head and smiles. “Send some good energy to us, alright?”

She nods. “Of course we will. You go sit down.”

Rami is walking by and comes over, kissing Lucy. She smiles and as he leaves, he yells, “Let's do this shit!”

Brian and Roger join the younger man and Lily laughs.

“He’s so strange and wonderful,” Lucy says, placing her hand on her cheek.

Lily nods. “I agree. Let’s go to our seats.”

The girls head off to get to their seats.

—-

Ben leans back on the couch, nursing a glass of sparkling water. Joe comes over to join him, holding a vodka tonic.

“Not drinking yet, Ben?” He asks, sitting next to his friend.

Ben shakes his head. “Nah. I don’t want Lily to be the only sober one and have to take care of us both. I’d feel bad if she had to do that.”

Joe presses his lips together. “You regret not asking her, don’t you?”

Ben nods, closing his eyes. “She looks… so beautiful. To think I could’ve had her on my arm but I chickened out makes me feel like an idiot.”

Joe nods. “She looks amazing. You know what? Don’t be sad.” He slaps Ben’s thigh. “She can sit in between us. You’ll get to have time with her alone later, alright?”

Ben rubs his thigh. “Sure. Thanks, mate. I really appreciate it.”

Lily walks in with Zichi and Lucy, and Gwil wraps an arm around his girlfriend, leading her over to the couch, where she promptly leans her head on his chest. Lucy sits next to Rami’s mother.

Joe and Ben part and pat the seat in between them, and Lily sits in between the pair, smiling.

Joe stands up and looks over the crowd. “I’m going to get a refill. Does anyone want anything?”

The group gives Joe their orders, and he walks over to the bar. Lily Anne leans back, squeezing Ben’s hand.

“How’d the red carpet stuff go?” she asks him, smiling.

“Good,” he says, smiling. “The interviews went well.”

She smiles and nods. “Great! That’s wonderful, Ben! Interviewers can be shitty and ask dumb questions, so I’m glad yours were good.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “One of them implied that Roger in the 70’s wasn’t beautiful, so I replied and said that he was wrong, and if I was around, I may have turned.”

She snorts, covering her mouth. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate that answer.”

Joe comes back and hands people their drinks. He takes his seat and sips his own, watching as the T.V. turns on the awards show starting. The crowd quiets, and Lily smiles. Her parents are watching fondly from above.

---

The anticipation in the room is palpable when the announcer opens the envelope containing the name of the winner. Lily squeezes Ben and Joe’s hands and prays a silent prayer that Rami wins.

When his name is announced, they stand and scream, hugging each other and laughing. There is no sweeter feeling than a well-earned victory. She launches herself into Ben’s arms, and the sound of his laughter fills her with joy. She looks up at him, and their noses touch, and she freezes up because if she just leaned in a few inches closer she’d be kissing him, and he’s looking down at her and panicking--

Joe comes up behind her and turns the affair into a group hug, and she’s snapped out of her thoughts, laughing once more. When they sit down, she takes a deep breath and looks at Ben, who’s staring straight ahead with a wide eyed look on his face.

Oh, God. That could’ve been fucked up so quickly.

When she turns back to the screen to watch Rami’s acceptance speech, she feels Ben’s eyes on her and blushes.

The second win garners a similar reaction, but this time, Lily hugs Joe, just to avoid making a mistake with Ben. Lord knows that this time, she might not have been able to restrain herself.

---

The afterparty is hosted in Roger’s suite, and after being so kind as to ask permission to drink from Lily, she tells Ben that he can drink however much he wants. He promptly downs four shots of vodka without blinking, and Lily is shocked. The alcohol will hit hard and she knows it. However, she’s curious to see what the alcohol does to Ben.

Apparently, he becomes a frat boy. He’s with Joe, who’s honestly just a sillier version of himself under the influence of alcohol, and they walk over to where she’s sitting.

“Are you from Tennessee?” Ben asks her, grinning.

“I’m from London, you know that, Ben,” she says, raising one unimpressed brow.

“‘Cause you’re the only ten I see,” he continues, laughing at his own joke.

She snorts and sips her sparkling water, shaking her head. “Those four shots hit you hard, didn’t they, Ben?”

“Okay, okay. Let’s try another one.” He laughs, running a hand through his hair, and Lily Anne is so confused as to why she isn’t completely turned off by this behavior. “I hope you know CPR.”

“I’m certified,” Lily Anne replies, nodding matter of factly.

“Because you’re taking my breath away!” Ben finishes, a grin only growing on his face.

Joe is leaning on Ben, laughing heartily. Lily purses her lips, sighing.

“Still not impressed?” Ben asks, pouting. “Fine. One more.” He holds out his arm to her. “Feel my shirt.”

“This is your jacket, Ben,” she states, looking up at him.

He shakes his arm, whining. “Just feel it, okay?”

She sighs and feels the jacket material before looking up to see a smirk on his face.

He leans down and grins, his breath smelling like alcohol. “It’s boyfriend material.”

She rolls her eyes, shaking her head. “That was great, Ben.”

Ben giggles and looks at Joe with excitement in his eyes. “Mate, she likes me! Your lines worked!”

Lily laughs. She likes Ben, but not because of some cheesy pick up lines. Joe grins and hugs Ben, and she watches them tackle each other happily.

“I think someone had pizza delivered. Why don’t you two get some?” Lily comments, smiling.

The two boys grin at each other and stumble through the crowd towards the kitchen for food.

When they leave, Lucy sits down next to her, and holds her free hand. “Are you having fun, Lily?”

She nods, smiling. “Of course I am! I love seeing all my friends happy.”

Lucy grins. “Oh, that’s wonderful!” She leans in, her smile widening. “I saw Ben and Joe coming over here. What happened?”

She rolls her eyes. “Ben tried to use some pick up lines Joe taught him on me. They were exceptionally bad.”

She laughs, and sips her champagne. “He really does like you, Lily.”

She nods, rubbing her temples. “I know. We nearly kissed earlier, but stopped before it happened.”

Lucy gasps. “Oh my god, when? How did I miss it? Why did you stop?”

Lily sighs. “When Rami won, we hugged, our noses touched, and I froze up, panicking. I don’t want to ruin anything between him and I, so we both didn’t go any closer.”

Lucy squeals. “But that would’ve been so cute!”

Lily raises a brow. “It wouldn’t have been cute once I found out that he doesn’t love me as deeply as I love him.”

Lucy nods, pursing her lips. “I understand why you’re scared. You don’t want to lose a good thing. I get it. But one of these days, you’ll need to confess.”

Lily nods. “I know. I’ll do it eventually.”

Lucy shrugs. “Who knows? It could lead to something beautiful.”

She smiles and squeezes Lucy’s hand. “You should probably find Rami. He’s a mess navigating a party without you.”

Lucy smiles. “I should. Take what I said into consideration though, alright?”

Lily nods. “Alright. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Lucy leaves to find her man, and Lily sits back, watching as everyone enjoys themselves.

---

After frat boy Ben comes clingy Ben. Joe brings him over, and Lily raises a brow.

“I surely hope you’re not here for more bad pick up lines,” she says.

Joe shakes his head. “Nah. He just started whining and wanted to see you, so I brought him over before he could start crying.”

Ben whines into Joe’s shoulder, mumbling incoherently.

Lily nods. “I think we should take him back to his hotel room. He seems a little too far gone.”

Joe nods in agreement. “Yeah. I’m going to stay a little longer and make sure everyone gets back safely, but if you don’t mind taking him back, I’d appreciate it.”

She smiles and nods. “I’ll manage him.” She stands up and lets Joe drape Ben onto her.

Joe smiles and looks at Ben. “You’re with Lily now. Are you happy?”

Ben nuzzles into Lily and nods, mumbling, “Yay. Finally.”

Joe lets out a little laugh. “I’m going to go now. Get back safe, alright?”

She smiles and nods. “Of course. Come along, Ben. Let’s get you home.”

Ben looks up at her and blinks, confused. “Home is in London.” He gasps, eyes wide. “We’re not in London, are we?”

She shakes her head. “No, darling. We’re in Los Angeles. I meant home as in your hotel room.”

Ben blinks, pouting slightly. “I wanna go home.”

She nods, placing a hand on his cheek. “We’re going home tomorrow, lovie.”

He whines, shaking his head. “No, like-- like my room.”

She sighs and supports his waist as he follows her out of the suite and down the hallway. He begins to ramble, and she simply entertains his commentary.

“You look real pretty tonight, Lily.”

“Thank you, Ben. You looked very pretty as well.”

“My stylist chose the suit. I like it.”

“I like it too, Ben.”

“Who chose your outfit?”

“I helped design it with the head fashion stylist at Alexander McQueen.”

“Wow. You did good.”

“I know, love.”

“Can you design something for me?”

“I can do that, Ben.”

Ben squeals happily and buries his head in her shoulder, squeezing her waist tightly. “Yay!”

They get to the elevator and walk in, and Lily presses the button, keeping Ben’s hands away from the console as he reaches for it. He whines and shakes his head, and as the bell dings and they get to the lobby, a chauffer for the BoRhap cast sees them and helps them into the car, where Ben promptly lays his head down in Lily’s lap. He mumbles something as she straps him in and she looks down at him.

“What did you say, darling?”

“Touch my hair.”

She frowns. “Why?”

He looks up at her with pleading eyes. “It feels good.”

She sighs and obliges, running her hands through his hair, and within five minutes of the ride, he’s snoring into her lap. It feels comfortable and soft and she takes a picture of him, smiling. She’s saving that to her hidden files in her camera roll.

When they get to the hotel ten minutes later, she shakes Ben awake, and he lets out a confused noise, lifting his head.

“It’s time to get up, love.”

“We’re home?”

“Mhm. We’re home.”

The driver helps her get Ben out of the car, and he leans heavily on her as they walk inside and to the elevator. They get to Ben’s floor and she takes the key card from his pocket, helping him inside. He flops onto his bed, and she sighs heavily.

“Ben.”

A tired groan.

“Take off your jacket, at least.”

“You do it.”

“Turn over, and I will.”

Ben slowly obliges, and Lily walks over, unbuttoning the jacket. She heaves him up to take it off, and he looks at her, smiling. She looks down at him and raises a brow.

“What’s that look for, Ben?”

“Thanks, Lil.”

She smiles and helps him back down, squeezing his hand. “Of course. It’s no problem, darling. You’d do the same for me.”

She hangs up the jacket and looks back to see Ben failing to unlace his shoes. She leans down and helps him, and when he curls up on the bed, she covers him with a hotel blanket. Immediately, she hears snores, and leaves the room, heading back for her own.

---

Ben wakes up and blinks, confused. He has no idea how he got here, and no idea how he managed to take off and hang his suit jacket and untie his shoe laces. He drank far too much last night, and doesn’t remember much after eating pizza with Joe.

When he sits up, he groans from a pounding headache, and lays back down. He reaches for his phone on the bedside table and groggily tells Siri to call Joe. After putting the phone on speaker phone mode, and a few rings, Joe answers him.

“How much do you hurt?” he asks.

“More than I ever have in my life. Will you tell me what happened?” Ben asks, rubbing his eyes.

“You took some shots, drank some more, hit on Lily with bad pick up lines I gave you, and almost cried when I wouldn’t bring you immediately to her, but ultimately, she brought you back.”

He frowns and groans, burying his face in his hands. “Oh, God… First I almost kiss her, then I hit on her, then she drags my ass back?”

Joe chokes on the water he’s drinking. “You almost did what?!”

“When Rami won, she hugged me, our noses touched, and shit-- I almost leaned in, but I panicked, and then she panicked, and then you made it a group hug.”

Joe lets out a groan. “Why’d I third wheel that? Jesus, Ben, I’m so sorry.”

Ben frowns. “What? You want me to have kissed her?”

Joe scoffs. “Of fucking course I want you to kiss her! You two are soulmates! I want you to get married and have babies!”

Ben shakes his head. “Get the fuck out of here with that crap, mate. I can’t think about things like that.”

Someone opens the hotel room door, and the smell of breakfast wafts into the room. Ben groans and opens one eye, and when he sees Lily walking in with a tray of eggs, salsa, and buttered toast, he blinks, confused.

“Lily? What’s all this?” he asks, slowly sitting up in bed.

“Hangover food. I had a feeling you’d need it.” She holds out a water bottle and two advil. “Take these first.”

Joe greets Lily. “Hi, Lily! How did getting Ben home go?”

She shrugs. “It was fine. He was a bit heavy to carry, but I managed.”

Joe laughs. “Well, I’m gonna let you go now, buddy. Enjoy your meal.”

Joe hangs up, and Ben blushes, unable to meet Lily’s gaze once he’s taken the advil and downed some water. “How’d you get in?”

She holds up his keycard. “I took this from you, because I knew you’d need the meal and I’d need a way to get in.”

He nods, and looks at the meal. “Why salsa?”

She smiles. “Put it in with the eggs. The spice helps immensely. Don’t worry. I told them to give you mild.”

He nods, and does as she says. He bites his lip, leaning back in bed. “Lily, I am so sorry for what I did when I was drunk. How bad were the pick up lines?”

Lily winces. “Pretty bad, mate. I’ll spare you the details.”

He groans, and takes a bite of the food. In a moment, he feels… almost better? He looks up at Lily as if she’s God.

“That already helped. How do you know such good hangover food?”

She looks down at him, and with a straight face, says, “I was an alcoholic, Benjamin.”

Ben covers his mouth, his face flushing bright red. “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. I absolutely forgot about that.”

Lily smiles gently and ruffles his hair fondly. “It’s alright, Ben. I take no offense.”

He continues eating, and looks absolutely miserable. She sits in a chair in the corner of the room and checks her emails. After a few minutes of silence, Ben speaks up.

“When do we leave the hotel?”

Lily looks at the itinerary and shrugs. “At six tonight. It’s currently eleven a.m., so you have plenty of time to recover and pack.”

Ben nods, slowly chewing his toast. “Okay. Good. If I were to get in a car right now, this meal would go to waste.”

She laughs and nods, rubbing the back of her neck. “I can’t say that’s never happened to me. Taking a bath always helped me with the nausea, so when you’re ready to get up, try that.”

Ben smiles at her and swallows. “Thanks, Lil.”

She smiles back at him. “Don’t mention it.” Her phone buzzes and she looks down at it. “Business call. I have to go, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask, alright?”

He nods, and watches as she leaves the room.

Maybe if after all he did to be a nuisance while drunk didn’t drive her away, she truly is his soulmate.

TAGLIST: @andtheytoldustotellyouhello @plethora-of-things @borhap-socials @everybodyplaythegame @i-the-fangirl @deakydeakydeaky @shisterfackisback @samanthadegaro @lv7867 @fatbottomedcurls @redspecialty @haisimsim @peterparkeroos @teenwolflover28 @ixchel-9275 @alessandra-elle @onexlittlespark @queenficarchive @leah-halliwell92 @rrrogah-tayluhh @maddistudiess @queen-fam @evrsncnewyork @reddiefreddieee @babebenhardy

[lids-flutter-open]

James orsino -goth gay YA ch 5

“Hey,” Orsino said. He was smiling at me. “Nice to see you. James, right?”

“And you’re Orsino.”

“I’m Robin,” said a girl with good skin and short hair in a flat-top. She looked like a panel from a 1980s lesbian comic. “I’m Orsino’s sister.”

“Hi,” I said. “Does anyone want weed?”

They did. We smoked and January talked to Ian. I didn’t get all of what they said, but Ian was glowing. Overhead the trees dropped a few leaves and some of the pine needles from the scrubby little pine tree by the house blew over the yard and into the bonfire, sparking as they went. There were at least fifty people at the show. Probably more, inside the house and around in front where they weren’t meant to be. People were slowly trickling back around the edges of the show space in the garage, waiting for the temperature inside to finally get cool enough to repopulate. 

“So are you from around here?” I asked Orsino. “Or where?” I had given him a joint I’d rolled earlier and been carrying around in my cigarette case. He coughed a lot as he smoked.

“Down south about an hour,” Orsino said. “Near Centralia, kind of. But most of the time lately I live up in Tacoma with Robin and January. My dad owns some cows and a chicken farm and my mom is always fighting with him and it’s bad to be around. You?”

“I’m from here,” I said. “I’m in high school. One of the ones near the farms. It’s all rednecks. No gays really.”

“You go to that Compton House thing?” Orsino asked. “I know that’s like, a big thing for gay kids here. My therapist was trying to get me to go since I didn’t like the trans group in Tacoma.”

“I go,” I said. “I’m on the Speakers’ Bureau doing sex education at schools and public organizations and stuff.”

“Oh,” Orsino said. He waggled his eyebrows. “You know a lot about sex then?” He exhaled some of the smoke from his joint into my face and smiled.

“In the public health sense, anyway,” I said. “I know where to get condoms and free dental dams.” I paused. I really wanted to say something flirtatious, but wasn’t sure what to start with. “And I know from Delaney and Genet and White for the rest, though who knows what I’m missing in that sense.” I could feel my hands reach up and touch the bad little patch of stubble on my neck. I wished there was a mirror or a dark window around I could glance into to make sure I didn’t look like a fool. I crossed my legs and turned more towards Orsino.

“Don’t know who those guys are,” Orsino smirked. His eyes were really dark brown and the firelight was sort of reflected there. I couldn’t tell if he was making fun of me for the references or making fun of me for doing sex education as a teenager like some kind of Young Democrat. I didn’t know his vibe enough to tell.

“They’re all older. Delaney’s the one you’re supposed to read, I’m pretty sure,” I said. “Or at least, he’s the one most likely to have been read by hot people, from what I can tell.”

“Oh, it’s a book,” said Orsino. 

“He’s an author,” I said. “Samuel Delaney. Chip Delaney. Time Square Red, Time Square Blue. Science fiction and sexy gay memoir. Never mind. I’m stoned. I’m sorry.”

“He writes about sex and taught you sex, is what you’re saying.”

“Yeah.”

“Does he write about like specific kinks you were trying to communicate to me or something?”

I felt my face grow hot. “Public bathrooms,” I said. “Is one thing he’s very into. Not that I am. Unless you are. But that’s not—it’s just his prose.”

“Do you always give a … what’s it called. A bibliography. Do you always do that when someone asks you about sex?”

“Do you always ask boys about sex two seconds after meeting them?”

“Only when they’re hot,” Orsino said. “Then yeah, I do. Sorry, I can’t read social cues well. Was that out of line?”

“No.”

“You didn’t answer the question. You go around give out bibliographies about sex? Like that pink hair lady who draws that weird comic about sex toys online?”

“You’re the one named fucking Orsino,” I said. “Literary references are something you signed up for.” I took a hit from my pipe. I was starting to feel slightly more comfortable, but it wasn’t happening fast enough. I glanced at Orsino’s hands. The nails were short. His pinky nail on his left hand was painted black but none of the other fingernails were. There was a little stick-and-poke of a rabbit on the back of his right hand.

“Maybe I should change it,” he said. “To something butch. I can be Harry. Or Brandon.”

“A trade name,” I said. 

“A farm boy name.”

“Brandon is a G.O.P candidate name.”

“Now that’s trade.”

“What music do you like, Brandon?”

“Well, I’m here. OVID’s good. January can be a bitch a little bit, but it’s good music. And I like Dyke Drama and G.L.O.S.S, obviously. And LOONE. But also Mitski. And Blood Kennel and Limp Wrist and Dick Binge. But I also like The Shins.”

“My dad likes The Shins,” I said. “I have like a gag reflex about The Shins.” I could hear my voice, catty and faggy. “They’re such a dad band. How old are you, anyway?”

“Eighteen,” Orsino said.

“Okay. Well, for an eighteen-year-old you sure like dad bands.”

“It’s good music,” Orsino said. “You gotta listen to the lyrics. What about you?”

“I only listen to Ariana Grande,” I said, smirking at him stupidly and fluttering my eyelashes. I might have been being dumb, but he was still smiling at me, so I wanted to try being bolder. “And Gaga. I literally only listen to Just Dance by Lady Gaga and Pete Davidson by Ariana Grande every single day of my life. On repeat. I hate punk music.”

“Oh, really,” Orsino said in a flat-affect kind of voice. “You must be having a really interesting time here tonight then.”

“It’s really funny music,” I said. “And nobody is wearing platform boots or a rainbow pin or jewels or teal hair or anything.”

“I saw someone with teal hair,” Orsino said.

“That was me, actually. Earlier. I came with teal hair and an Ariana Grande tour shirt and changed.”

“Oh really,” Orsino said. He made eye contact with me and then slowly reached out and pulled at one of my curls. “I like what you’ve done with your hair since then. Insta-dye job to black. Insta-goth. It’s a really cute haircut on you, actually.”

“Thanks. I did it in the bathroom sink,” I said. “Just now. Using charcoal from the fire. I thought, oh no, everyone has dark hair or bad orangey dry bleach jobs. I have to fit in.”

“You’re doing good and blending in,” Orsino said. He finished the joint and ground out the end in the dirt under the stump. “Wait. Did you just neg me for my bleach job?” 

I felt my face fall. “What?”

“You said bad bleach jobs and looked at my hair. Were you making fun of me for my bleach job? You know, negging me? I know it’s all dry forest fire thatch up here.”

“I guess I did,” I said. I looked at his hair and back at his eyes. 

“Didn’t expect you to be acting like a straight English major goth at a sorority party over here,” Orsino said. “Calling all the girls ugly cause you think it’ll make them like you.”

I swallowed. “You’re right. That was cruel of me. I made fun of your name, earlier, too, and that was wrong. I shouldn’t be mean to cute boys.” 

“And my music taste.”

“That’s just a difference of opinion.”

Orsino looked at me like a cat playing with a mouse, but in a friendly way. “You were very cruel about my hair, though. I feel so small.”

“Sorry. It’s a bad habit. You can do two negs for me now. Tell me I’m ugly so you can hit on me better.”

“Hm,” Orsino said. He swung one hairy leg over the stump so half of him was in shadow under the trees and his right foot was nestled in the ivy and broken glass that lay all along the perimeter of the Goat Mansion yard. “Well, you aren’t ugly, so I can’t do exactly that. Maybe I want to save my negs. Find your weak spots and then go in for the kill.”

“I’m shaking,” I said. 

“Okay. I have one. My first one is that your mustache sucks. It’s like really cute that you’re trying it and I know what you’re going for, and the concept is attractive to me, and I like your philtrum, but it’s a bad mustache.”

“Ooh. Ouch. That stings,” I said. “I think it stings more because of all the compliments you threw in with it to cushion it.” But I scooted closer to him.

“I can do more.” He looked at me hard. “If you consent. I can be meaner about it.”

“About my mustache? Okay,” I said. “But I might be hurt and never speak to you again.”

“You’re trying to look like Freddie Mercury or something, right? You look like a summer camp counselor from the 1980s.”

“Ouch! You sure snatched my wig.” I put on a faggy voice. It kind of did sting to hear him say that, though also I knew that my mustache amounted to about twenty-four downy bad little hairs. But I guess I deserved it.

“See how it feels?” Orsino scooted a little closer. I found myself appreciating how broad his shoulders and torso were compared to mine. I looked at his smile. His canines were a little crooked.

“I actually am a summer camp counselor,” I said. “During the summer.”

“I’m Sherlock Holmes.”

“I can give you another weak spot,” I said. “I’m a nerd and I used to be a horse girl. Got any horse related disses?”

“It doesn’t count if you give them to me. That’s a self defense maneuver. Also I don’t know if you’re even telling the truth. It’s gotta be something you’re sensitive about.”

“Are you sensitive about your hair and your name?”

“Yes! I’m a punk. My image is very important to me. Talking shit on my hair was mean. You started this whole battle.”

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry already. But give me time to recover from your first cutting remark before you do any more to me.” I put away my pipe. I glanced briefly over at Ian. Jukebox had left and now he was talking to Opal and Robin a few feet away. I felt like socially I was obligated to join their shit instead of sitting here talking to this boy I didn’t really know yet. At least so I could be up on the whole deal with Miss San Juan and the Dusties or whatever the new band was called. “Do you want to meet my friends?” I asked Orsino, standing. 

“Sure,” he said. He pulled himself up. “Hey, you’re not really hurt about the mustache thing, right?” He wasn’t smiling as much any more.  “I was just playing around. Your mustache is fine. It looks like every other high school punk’s mustache. Better than some. Better than mine. And you’re cute. You pull it off pretty good.”

I realized he thought he had misstepped and now I’d lost interest. I felt a flutter in my stomach. 

“It’s a really sensitive topic for me because of my gender dysphoria,” I said in a deadpan voice. I walked over to Ian and Opal and Robin.

Orsino followed me, squinting a little as if he couldn’t tell if I was joking. He put his thumbs into the belt loops of his pants.“Are you serious?” He asked.  "I’m sorry, I…”

“I won’t ever forgive you. Hey, meet my friends. Here are my friends Opal and Ian, who I guess have a band now.”

Ian paused. He had been saying something to Robin about some music stuff. I wasn’t sure what equipment they were talking about but it had hertz. He looked over to Orsino and then me and raised his eyebrows. 

“Hey,” he said. “I’m Miss San Juan, otherwise known as Ian. You saw me set up and then saw my set just now. You were jumping. Didn’t get your name.”

“I was indeed jumping,” Orsino said. “It was a pretty good show for how messy it seemed like things were before it started. You did good. You have a great stage presence. I’m Orsino.” He held out his hand, arcing his arm out for a man-handshake. 

Ian placed his delicate little hand in Orsino’s big one like a princess greeting her security guard. “Pleased to meet you.”

“I’m Orsino,” Orsino said again to Opal, holding out his hand again. For the first time I realized he was maybe kind of too stoned.

“I’m Opal,” said Opal. “I’m a drummer and use they/them pronouns and I’m really hungry for some trash food right now. Does anyone else want food?” They looked at me and then at Orsino. “You both look like you want some trash food.”

“Fuck yeah,” Orsino said. “Do we know when the next show starts, though?”

“There’s the gas station that doesn’t sell beer around the corner that way,” Opal said. “They have chips and sometimes hot dogs and pizza. We’ll be quick.”

“Let’s go,” Orsino said. He put his arm around my shoulders and set off toward the edge of the yard as if we had been walking together like that everywhere for years, as if he had touched me before.

“I don’t think I want food right now,” Ian said. “I’ll stay here.” He had a sort of quiet, wan tone in his voice that made me pause.

“Oh,” I said, and dug my feet into the ground to stop and pulled away from Orsino’s arm. I looked from Orsino to Ian. I didn’t want to leave Ian standing here alone right after his big set. “Ian, are you sure? You’ll need calories in a little bit.”

“I just feel like standing and smoking for a second in the quiet over here by the fence,” Ian said. 

“Quieter out by the gas station,” I said.

“I don’t feel like walking.”

“I’ll stay here too then,” I said. 

“I’m still going,” Orsino said. “I’m genuinely hungry.”

“Come on, then, big papa,” Opal said. “Let’s get some cheese fuel.” They turned their chair and wheeled fairly rapidly across the grass. 

[braindamageforbeginners]

Cycle 8, Day 2

I realize I didn’t write anything yesterday, which is understandable since Day 1 of each cycle is a circus (I have to give all sorts of samples - speaking of which, I think that the ability to pee into a up on command is one of those rare God-given talents that you’re either born able to do or not; Gods know I’ve involuntarily been doing it long enough now). Good news, based solely on my bloodwork and labs, I’m quite healthy (that’ll be on my gravestone “He was weird as hell and medically unique, but his teeth and bloodwork were consistently good”).

Sill, any day I miss writing is not a good one, particularly since GBM eventually robs patients of the ability to speak and articulate. I have  a working hypothesis that folks who produced their best work in their last few years of life (Warren Zevon, Freddie Mercury, and van Gogh all come to mind) did so because they knew the end was coming, and this was their last chance to leave a mark. No one’s given me a firm exit date, and, based on bloodwork, thing’s are looking good for my ultimate life-goal of going for the GBM-survival record (which I believe is 25 years), but I’d still be a fool to assume I’ll get anything close to as much time as I’d like (bad news folks, the same applies to you, even if you’re 25 and healthy).

I’m also dour because, well, I usually am on day two of any cycle. The Marizomib won’t be out of my system until this evening, and I’m on Temodar until Saturday, so I’m extra emo and grumpy (even though CBD and zofran take the edge off chemo side-effects, there’s still a pervasive, low-grade, hung-over/flu sensation that keeps my inner Julie Andrews from coming out).

I also have to go to the doctor’s (like, a GP) which is not a happy prospect, in the least. I’m used to all the medical folks at the hospital, but I’ve been under specialized care for so long (Mad Scientist is still listed on most of my records as my GP, even though she’s actually sub-specialized within neuro-oncology). Still, my poor-person insurance demands it as a part of continuing seeing the Warlocks and their staff, and, as Dad points out, it would be good to have someone to treat me if I came down with measles or broken a leg. So, I’m tackling that particular issue this afternoon. I have a few friends active in the medical world, so I’d point out that, according the British Medical Journal, “medical misadventure” is the third-leading cause of death in America (cancer is #2, so I’m just rolling the dice this afternoon). I’ve also read that younger doctors are better phsycians than older ones, because they ask for help. In other words, in beneficence vs non-malfeasance, I’d encourage everyone out there to first ask if they aren’t inadvertently worsening the situation by getting involved. Ideally, this visit would involve the approach the genetics team and Shrink takes; a hearty handshake, signing of the forms, and sending me back to it, possibly with a return date. As I’ve noted previously, I’ve had to learn the hard way that figuring out when to exercise agency or authority is more important than how or what you use it on.

[dalekofchaos]

My Favorite things

Favorite Movies

The Godfather, The Godfather Part II, The Crow, Star Wars(in it’s entirty) The Dark Knight, Serenity, Star Trek II:The Wrath Of Khan, John Carpenter’s Halloween, Batman Begins, Repo! The Genetic Opera, The Devil's Carnival, Alleluia! The Devil's Carnival, Indiana Jones, Blade Runner, Let The Right One In, Interview With The Vampire, Pacific Rim, Inception, Memento, Scarface, Fight Club,The Texas Chainsaw Massacre(1974)Alien, John Carpenter’s The Thing, Aliens, Terminator 2:Judgement Day, The Terminator, Robocop,Back To The Future trilogy, Harry Potter series,Lord Of The Rings trilogy,(Extended Edition)Silence Of The Lambs, A Clockwork OrangeThe Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, Reservoir Dogs, Kill BillPulp Fiction, Inglourious Basterds, Django Unchained, The Hateful Eight, Jackie Brown, Donnie Darko, Battle Royale, Catching Fire, Patton, The Pianist, Schindler’s List, Platoon, Enemy At The Gates, Empire Of The Sun, Saving Private Ryan, Full Metal Jacket,To Kill A Mocking Bird, Dirty Harry, American Psycho, Red Dragon, Dawn of The Dead, Day Of The Dead, Night Of The Living Dead, Dracula(1931),  Frankenstein(1931), Bride Of Frankenstein,The Phantom Of The Opera(1924), The Mummy(1932),The Invisible Man, Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Peter Cushing Sherlock Holmes movies, The RDJ Sherlock Holmes movies,  the Basil Rathbone Sherlock Holmes movies, King Kong(1933), Godzilla(1954), Godzilla vs King Kong, Godzilla vs Destroyah, Ghidorah, the Three-Headed Monster, Return of Godzilla, Godzilla:Final Wars, Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah,  Horror Of Dracula, Curse Of Frankenstein, The Devil’s Rejects, Mean Girls, The Matrix, Men In Black, Selma, Malcolm X,  Gran Torino, Dirty Harry, Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory, Rocky series. Rambo series, Mad Max series, Ghostbusters 1984, No Country For Old Men, The Patriot, Brokeback Mountain, A Knight’s Tale, Monster’s Ball,  The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, Public Enemies, Kingsman:The Secret Service, Lost Boys, Underworld series, Jennifer’s Body, Trick r Treat, House Of 1000 Corpses, An American Werewolf In London, Zombieland, Scream, Scream 2, Scream 4, From Russia With Love, Casino Royale, Wonder Woman, WatchmenV For Vendetta, Dredd, Man Of Steel, Batman V Superman:Dawn Of JusticeBatman(1989), Suicide Squad, Superman II:The Richard Donner Cut,Superman:The Movie, Batman Returns, Batman: Mask of the Phantasm, Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, The Dark Knight Returns Part 1 & 2, All-Star Superman, Wonder Woman(2009 animated film),  Superman:Doomsday, Batman Year One, Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero, Batman:Under The Red Hood, Green lantern:First Flight, Green Lantern: Emerald Knights, Captain America:The Winter Soldier, Spider-Man:Homecoming, Captain America:The First Avenger, Iron Man, Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol 2, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers:Age Of Ultron, The Incredible Hulk, Thor, Guardians Of The Galaxy, The Avengers, Iron Man 3, Ant-Man, Thor:The Dark World, Logan, X-Men:Days Of Future Past, X-2:X-Men United, The Punisher, Blade II, Blade, X-Men:Apocalypse, Spider-Man 2, Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, X-Men, The Wolverine, Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, The Lion King, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Mulan, Beauty And The Beast, Moana, The Incredibles, WALL.E, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Toy Story 3, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, Monster’s Inc, Lilo And Stitch, Monsters University, The Princess And The Frog, Tangled, UpSleeping Beauty, The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, Brave, Big Hero 6, Inside Out, Wreck-It Ralph, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Pirates Of The Caribbean:Curse Of The Black Pearl, Zootopia, Alice In Wonderland(Disney's, not the Tim Burton abomination)Peter Pan, Tron,Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Cinderella, Hercules, Pocahontas, Tarzan, Finding Nemo, Finding Dory, Frozen, The Emperor’s New Groove, Atlantis:The Lost Empire, Ratatouille, The Aristocats, Lady And The Tramp, 101 Dalmatians, The Sword in the Stone, Mary Poppins, Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey, The Jungle Book, Robin Hood,The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Rescuers, The Black Cauldron, Oliver & Company, The Rescuers Down Under, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Hocus Pocus, A Goofy Movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Shrek series, Ice Age, The Prince Of Egypt, How To Train Your Dragon 1&2, The Craft, Beetlejuice,The Addams Family, The Addams Family Values, Edward Scissorhands,  Mortal Kombat, Taylor Swift:The Journey To Fearless, I Robot, The Machinist, Ninja Assassin, Space Jam, Power Rangers:The Movie, Power Rangers 2017, Machete, The Expendables, The Never Ending Story, Red, The Iron Giant, Anastasia, Street Fighter II, Star Trek III, IV, and IV, and Death Note trilogy

Favorite TV Shows

Doctor Who, Orphan Black. Stranger Things, Carmilla, Firefly, Daredevil, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, The Defenders, Iron Fist, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Hannibal, American Horror Story, iZombie, Supernatural(seasons 1-5), American Crime Story, Granada Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes, Elementary, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Dexter, The Walking Dead, Vikings, The Strain, Penny Dreadful, Preacher, Wynonna Earp , Dollhouse, Agent Carter, The Flash, Supergirl, Legends Of Tomorrow, Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., Constantine, Star Trek, Star Trek:The Next Generation, Star Trek:Deep Space Nine, Star Trek:Voyager, Sons Of Anarchy, Ash vs Evil Dead, Orange Is The New Black, House Of Cards, The Walking Dead, Torchwood, Sarah Jane Adventures, Jekyll, House, LOST, Heroes, The Sopranos, Damages, NCIS, Criminal Minds, True Blood, The SHIELD, Scrubs, The Thick Of It, The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air, That’s 70’s Show, Bill Nye The Science Guy, Hell’s Kitchen, Kitchen Nightmares, Cheers, Fraiser, MASH, Hogan’s Heroes, Malcolm In The Middle, Everybody Loves Raymond, Friends, Futurama, Rick And Morty, Bojack Horseman, Red Vs Blue, Bob’s Burgers, Darla, The Simpsons, South Park, American Dad, Robot Chicken, The Daily Show, Last Week Tonight, The Colbert Report, The Nightly Show, and The Late Show

Favorite Cartoons

Avatar:The Last Airbender, Legend Of Korra, Batman:The Animated Series, Justice League, Justice League:Unlimited, Batman Beyond, Superman:The Animated Series, Teen Titans, Young Justice, Green Lantern The Animated Series, Static Shock, Spider-Man:The Animated Series, X-Men:The Animated Series, Wolverine And The X-Men, Spectacular Spider-Man, Avengers:Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, Star Wars:The Clone Wars, Star Wars Rebels, Ed Edd n Eddy, Invader Zim, Adventure Time, The Powerpuff Girls, Courage The Cowardly Dog, Samurai Jack, Codename:Kids Next Door,  Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends, Looney Toons, Scooby Doo Where Are You, Fairly Odd Parents, Danny Phantom, Rugrats, Space Ghost Coast To Coast, The Adventures Of jimmy Neutron, Old Spongebob, Dexter’s Laboratory, Grim Adventures Of Billy And mandy, Tom And Jerry,  Johnny Bravo, Aaahh!!! Real Monsters!, The Wild Thornberries, Catdog, Cow And Chicken, Ren And Stimpy, Animaniacs, Rocko’s Modern Life, Gargoyles,  Happy Tree Friends, Pinky And The Brain, The Flinstones And The Jetsons

Favorite Anime

Code Geass, Psycho Pass, Elfen Lied, Fullmetal Alchemist:Brotherhood/Full Metal Alchemist 2003, Gurren Lagann, Cowboy Bebop, Hellsing Ultimate. Attack On Titan, Sword Art Online, Durarara, Baccano, Steins;Gate, Fate/Zero, Tokyo Ghoul, Wolf’s Rain, Samurai Champloo, The Big O, Trigun, Soul Eater, Witch Hunter Robin, FLCL, Blood +, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Death Note, Naruto/Naruto Shippuden, Bleach, Fairy Tail, One Piece, Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Super, Sailor Moon, Another, Yuri!!! On Ice, Gintama, Angel Beats, Clannad, Clannad:After Story, Pokemon, Yugioh, Street FIghter II, Pokemon:The Origin, Hellsing Abridged,  Yugioh:The Abridged Series and Dragon Ball Z Abridged.

Favorite Books

ASOIAF, Harry Potter, The Hobbit, Lord Of The Rings, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls,  Dr Jekyll And Mr Hyde, The Vampire Chronicles, The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Giver, Dexter series, The Crow, Johnny The Homicidal Maniac, The Long Halloween, The Dark Knight Returns, The Killing Joke, Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth, Watchmen, V For Vendetta, Batman Year One, Batman Hush, Heart Of Hush, Batman Dark Victory,, Knightfall, The Man Who Laughs, Joker, A Death In The Family, Batman Earth One, All-Star Superman, Superman Earth One, Superman Secret Origins, Superman Red Son, Kingdom Come, Superman:Brainiac, Luthor, Wonder Woman: Gods and Mortals, Wonder Woman: Spirit of Truth, Wonder Woman: Paradise Lost, Wonder Woman: The Hiketeia, JLA:league Of One, Green Lantern Secret Origins, Green lantern Rebirth, Sinestro Corps War, Blackest Night, Spider-Man:Reign, Birth Of Venom, Carnage U.S.A, Cable & Deadpool, Old Man Logan, Freddy Vs Jason Vs Ash, Serenity:Better Days, Serenity:Those Left Behind,  The Walking Dead, Sin City, Scott Pilgrim, Kick-Ass, Hellboy, Akira, Full Metal Alchemist, Hellsing, Death Note, Naruto and Bleach

Favorite Musicians/Bands

Emilie Autumn, Taylor Swift, Halsey, Lorde, Britney Spears, Marilyn Manson, Dir En Grey, Ozzy Osbourne, Black Sabbath, Behemoth, Cannibal Corpse, Cradle Of Filth, Die Antwoord, Melanie Martinez, Marina And The Diamonds, Meg Myers, Lindsey Stirling, Sex Pistols, Misfits, Ramones, The Clash, Amon Amarth, Dimmu Borgir, Dagoba, Rob Zombie, Voltaire, Eminem, 2Pac, Evanescence, My Chemical Romance, Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks, Jimi Hendrix, Prince, Kurt Cobain, Nirvana, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury,  Johnny Cash, Ray Charles, Frank SInatra, Dean Martin, Elvis Presley, Bob Dylan, Beethoven, Mozart, Pink Floyd,  Bad Religion, The Offspring, The Casualties, Black Flag, AC/DC. Slayer, Slipknot, Children Of Bodom, Nine Inch Nails, A Perfect Circle, Tool, Alice In Chains, Arch Enemy, Satyricon, Rammstein, Iron Maiden, Avenged Sevenfold, Pantera, Cancerslug, Gwar, Gorgoth, Lamb Of God, Metallica, Korn, Disturbed, Linkin Park, Daft Punk, Muse, Green Day, Fall Out Boy, Queen, Guns N Roses, Maroon 5, Otep, The Gazette, MIYAVI, D'espairsRay, Nightvale, Chameleon CIrcut, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Black Eyed Peas, Backstreet Boys, Nsync, Aerosmith,  Slash, Combichrist, Hollywood Undead, Led Zeppelin, Destiny’s Child, Ellie Goulding, Darkthrone, Idina Menzel, Lana Del Rey, Madonna,  Christina Aguilera,  Limp Bizkit, Blink-182, Pink, Paramore, Maroon 5, Guns N Roses, Queen, Kiss, Kid Rock,  Miley Cyrus and Rebecca Black are my guilty pleasures

Favorite Video Games

Mass Effect Trilogy, Bioshock Trilogy, Kingdom Hearts Series, Assassin’s Creed series, Life Is Strange, Batman:Arkham Asylum, Arkham City and Arkham Origins, God Of War series,  Telltale’s The Walking Dead, Telltale’s Batman,  Telltale’s Game Of Thrones, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy XIII, Silent Hill series, Resident Evil series, Castlevania series, Metal Gear Solid series, Crash Bandicoot series,  Tomb Raider series, Prototype, Left 4 Dead, Dead Rising, Portal 2, Doom, The Last Of Us, Until Dawn, The Evil Within,  American McGee’s Alice & Alice:Madness Returns, Alien Isolation, Sherlock Holmes vs Jack The Ripper, The Testament Of Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock Holmes:Crimes And Punishments, The Darkness, Devil May Cry 1, 2, 3 and 4,  Fable, Fable II, Hitman series, Mortal Kombat series, Tekken series, Street Fighter series, Soul Calibur series, Halo series, Gears Of War seires, Pokemon, Call Of Duty(WWII games and Modern Warfare trilogy) GTA 4 and 5, Red Dead Redemption, L.A Noire, Star Wars Knights Of The Old Republic 1 and 2, Star Wars Battlefront 1 and 2, Star Wars The Forced Unleashed 1 and 2, Star Wars The Old Republic, DC Universe Online,  Chronicles Of Riddick:Escape From Butcher Bay, Chronicles Of Riddick:Assault On Dark Athena, Destroy All Humans series, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 1 and 2 , Deadpool, Spider-Man:Shattered Dimensions, Spider-Man:Edge of Time, Aliens Vs Predator, Alien Isolation, The Sims 1 & 2, and The Godfather game 1 and 2.

Favorite Actors

Al Pacino, Heath Ledger, Brandon Lee, Christopher Lee, Lon Cheney, Lon Cheney Jr, Peter Cushing, Bela Lugosi, Borris Karloff, Robert Downey Jr, Bryan Cranston, Idris Elba, Daniel Day-Lewis, Marlon Brando, Jack Nicholson, Anthony Hopkins, Mad Mikkelsen, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, Jeremy Irons, Kevin Spacey. Ben Affleck, Sean Connery, Vincent Price, Russell Crowe,   Bruce Lee, Willam Dafoe, Robert De Niro, Robert Duvall, Morgan Freeman, Gene Hackman, Samuel L Jackson, Keith David, Christian Bale, Kurt Russell, Michael Keaton, Christopher Reeve, Tom Hardy, Forrest Whitaker, Danny Glover, Donald Glover, Donald Pleasence, Robert Englund, Bruce Campbell, Gunner Hansen, Tony Todd, Brad Dourif, Kane Hodder, Lance Henriksen, Doug Bradley, Tobin Bell, Terrance Zdunich, Marc Sentor, Paul Sorvino,  Adam Pascal, Bill Moseley, Nivek Ogre, Chris Pine, Charlie Hunam, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Henry Cavill, Will Smith, Cillian Murphy,  Michael Madsen, Harvey Keitel, Tim Roth, Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Hugh Jackman, Leonard Nimoy, George Takei, William Shatner, DeForrest Kelly, James Doohan, Walter Koenig, Ricardo Montalbán, Zachary Quinto, Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, John Cho,  Anton Yelchin, Brent Spiner, Jonathan Frakes,  Michael Dorn, LeVar Burton,   John de Lancie, Avery Brooks,  Alexander Siddig,  Robert Picardo, Mark Hamil, Harrison Ford, Ewan McGregor, Alec Guinness, Peter Mayhew, James Earl Jones, Hayden Christiansen, Frank Oz, Billy Dee Williams, Ian McDiarmid,  Liam Neeson, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Adam Driver, Jeremy Bulloch,  Temuera Morrison,  Diego Luna, Donnie Yen, Jiang Wen, Jiang Wen, Julian Richings,  William Hartnell, Patrick Troughton, Jon Pertwee, Tom Baker, Peter Davison, Tom Baker, Sylvestor McCoy, Paul McGann, John Hurt, Christopher Eccleston, David Tennant, Matt Smith, Peter Capaldi, Roger Delgado, Peter Pratt, Geoffrey Beevers, Anthony Ainley, Eric Roberts,Derek Jacobi, John Simm, Charlie Cox, Mike Colter, Mahershala Ali, Finn Jones, Jon Bernthal,  Elden Henson, Vincent D'Onofrio, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, Tom Hiddleston, Chris Pratt, Ryan Reynolds, Tom Holland, Edward Norton, Paul Bettany, Anthony Mackie, Sebastian Stan, Michael B Jordan, Chadwick Boseman, Dominic Cooper, Ben Kingsley, Michael Rooker,  Chiwetel Ejiofor, Nathan Fillion, Alan Tudyk, Ron Glass, Anthony Stewart Head,  David Boreanaz, James Marsters, Seth Green, Alexis Denisof, David Harboour, Finn Wolfhard, Caleb McLaughlin,  Noah Schnapp, Charlie Heaton, Joe Keery, Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Alan Rickman, Tom Felton, Matthew Lewis, Robbie Coltrane, Oliver Phelps, James Phelps, Alfred Enoch, Ralph Fiennes, Richard Harris, Terrance Stamp, Michael Shannon, and Peter Dinkleage

Favorite Actresses

Natalie Dormer, Eva Green, Jessica Chastain, Hayley Atwell, Charlize Theron, Daisy Ridley, Felicity Jones, Jessica Henwick, Chloe Bennett, Millie Bobby Brown, Helena Bonham Carter, Katie McGrath, Maggie Smith, Carrie Fisher, Nichelle Williams, Jodie Whittaker, Michelle Gomez, Marina Sirtis, Gates McFadden,  Alice Krige, Terry Farrell, Nana Visitor, Kate Mulgrew, Sigourney Weaver, Jamie Lee Curtis, Heather Lagenkamp, Danielle Harris, Neve Campbell, Jennifer Tilly,  Fairuza Balk, Christina Ricci, Natalia Dyer, Elodie Yung, Krysten Ritter, Rosario Dawson, Deborah Ann Woll, Simone Missick, Rachael Taylor,  Ming-Na Wen, Brittany Murphy, Viola Davis, Meryl Streep, Jodie Foster,  Cate Blanchett, Rachel Weisz, Helen Mirren, Judi Dench, Angelina Jolie,  Marion Cotillard, Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates, Glenn Close,  Catherine Zeta-Jones, Uma Thurman, Michelle Pfeiffer,  Evan Rachel Wood, Amanda Seyfried, Gillian Anderson, Catherine Tate,  Jeri Ryan, Margot Robbie, Alyson Hannigan, Felicia Day, Emma Watson, Evanna Lynch, Zoe Saldana, Lupita Nyong’o,Angela Bassett, Lucy Liu, Rinko Kikuchi, Taissa Farmiga, Emma Roberts, Lily Rabe, Anne Hathaway, Kristen Stewart, Ellen Page, Emilia Clarke, Lena Hedley, Sophie Turner, Maisie Williams, Sarah Chalke, Emma Stone, and Megan Fox

Fav Directors David Fincher, Christopher Nolan, Wes Craven, John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper, Steven Spielberg, Peter Jackson, Quentin Tarantino, and Ava DuVernay

Favorite Writers

George R.R. Martin, JK Rowling, Stephen King, Anne Rice, Mary Shelly, Bram Stoker, Edgar Allan Poe, H.P Lovecraft, J.R.R. Tolkien, Lewis Carroll,  C.S. Lewis, Gaston Leroux, Jhonen Vásquez, James O'Barr,  John Ajvide Lindqvist, Stieg Larsson, and Bret Easton Ellis, 

Favorite Fictional Characters

Harry Potter:Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Nymphadora Tonks, Minerva McGonagall, Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Fred & George Weasley, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Bill Weasley, Fleur Delacour, James Potter, Lily Evans Potter, Viktor Krum, Cedric Diggory, Regulus Black, Andromeda Tonks, Narcissa Malfoy, Bellatrix Lestrange and Lord Voldemort

ASOIAF:Arianne Martell, Oberyn Martell, Doran Martell,(in the books) Elia Martell, Ashara Dayne, Arthur Dayne, The Sand Snakes(in the books) Asha Greyjoy, Catelyn Stark, Lyanna Stark, Benjen Stark, Eddard Stark, Robb Stark, Jon Snow, Bran Stark, Arya Stark, Sansa Stark, Rickon Stark, Meera reed, Jojen Reed, Samwell Tarly, Howland Reed, Daenerys Targaryen(in the books) Tyrion Lannister, Sandor Clegane, Euron Greyjoy, Victarion Greyjoy, Edmure Tully, Brynden Tully, Brynden Rivers,  Olenna Redwyne, Stannis Baratheon, Shireen Baratheon, Davos Seaworth, Margaery Tyrell, Barristan Selmy, Mance Rayder, Ygritte, Val, Tormund, Tywin Lannister, Joanna Lannister, Jaime Lannister and Cersei Lannister

Star Wars: Rey, Finn, Poe Dameron, Kylo Ren, Captain Phasma, General Hux, Revan, Jedi Exile, Bastila, Canderous Ordo, Carth Onasi, T3-M4, Hk-47, Mission, Zaalbar, Jolee Bindo, Juhani, Darth Malak, Kreia, Atton Rand, Bao Dur, Mical, Mira, Hanharr, Brianna, Visas Marr, GO TO, Darth Sion, Darth Nihilus, Anakin/Vader, Ahsoka Tano, Padme, Han, Leia, Luke, Mara Jade, Chewbacca, Boba Fett, Lando, Obi-Wan, Yoda, Mace Windu, Ki-Audi-Mundi, Luminara Unduli, Plo Koon, Kit Fisto, Adi Gallia, Aayla Secura, Quinlan Vos, Shaak Ti, R2-D2, C-3PO, Ezra Bridger, Kanan Jarrus, Hera Syndulla, Sabine Wren, Zeb Orrelios, Chopper, Grand Admiral Thrawn, Palpatine, Darth Maul, General Grievous, Jango Fett, Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress, Cad Bane,

Tolkien:Bilbo Baggins, Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee, Peregrin Took, Meriadoc Brandybuck, Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Theoden, Eowyn, Arwen, Thranduil, Thorin, Beorn, Sauron, Saruman, Melkor and  Tom Bombadil

Doctor Who:The Doctor,  Ian Chesterton, Barbra Wright, Susan Foreman, Steven Taylor, Dodo, Jamie McCrimmon, Victoria Waterfield, Zoe Heriot, Brigadier Sir Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, Sergeant John Benton, Captain Mike Yates, Jo Grant, Sarah Jane Smith, Harry Sullivan, Leela, K-9, Romana, Adric, Nyssa, Tegan Jovanka, Vislor Turlough, Peri Brown, Ace, Donna Noble, Captain Jack Harkness, Martha Jones, Sally Sparrow, Adelaide Brooke, Amy & Rory Pond, River Song, Clara Oswald, Kate Stewart, The Master, Missy, Davros, The Daleks, Omega, The Cybermen, The Silence, The Weeping Angels, Vashtra Nerada, The Empty Child, The Valeyard, The Black Guardian, The Celestial Toymaker, The Family Of Blood, Mr Finch, The Great Vampires, The Great Intelligence, Madame Kovarian, The Rani, The Sontarans, The Meddling Monk, and Rassilon

Marvel:Captain America, Spider-Man, X-Men(Wolverine, Gambit, Cyclops, Professor X, Beast, Kitty Pryde, Rouge, Jean Grey, Storm, Jubilee,Psylocke, X-23, Cable, and Bishop)  Fantastic 4, Iron Man, Thor, Ant-Man(Hank Pym), Wasp, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Nick Fury, Blade, The Punisher, Daredevil, Elektra, War Machine, Falcon, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Bucky Barnes, The Hulk, She-Hulk, Black Panther, Captain Marvel, Ms Marvel, Moon Knight, Black Cat, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Doctor Strange, Dr Doom, Red Skull, The Mandarin, Loki, Mephisto, Surtur, Ultron, Amora The Enchantress, Hela, Baron Zemo, Thanos, Galactus, Magneto, Apocalypse, Mr Sinister, Sabertooth, Green Goblin, Venom, Carnage, Doctor Octopus, Bullseye, Kingpin, The Lizard, Vulture, Kraven The Hunter, Sandman, Electro and Chameleon

DC: Batman, Barbara Gordon, Nightwing, Cassandra Cain, Tim Drake, Jason Todd, Batwoman, Stephanie Brown, Superman, Supergirl, Superboy, Wonder Woman, The Flash(Barry Allen and Wally West), Aquaman, Mera, Green Lantern(Hal Jordan, John Stewart and Kyele Rayner), Green Arrow, Black Canary, Starfire, Raven, Cyborg, Arsenal, The Question, Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, Martian Manhunter, The Atom,  John Constantine, Hawkgirl,    John Constantine, Catwoman, Shazam, The Joker, Harley Quinn, Bane, Ra’s Al Ghul, Two-Face, The Riddler, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow, Mr Freeze, Anarky, The Penguin, Killer Croc, Deadshot, Mad Hatter, Hush, Black Mask, Mad Hatter, Hugo Strange, Clayface, Talia Al Ghul Lex Luthor, General Zod, Darkseid, Brainiac, Doomsday, Bizarro, Livewire, Sinestro, Circe, Ares, Cheetah, Black Adam, Captain Cold, Reverse Flash, Gorilla Grodd, Black Manta, Ocean Master, Solomon Grundy, Shade, Deathstroke, and Anti Monitor  

Repo: Nathan/Repo, Shiloh, Blind Mag, Graverobber, Amber, Luigi and Pavi.

The Devil’s Carnival:Lucifer, The Painted Doll, The Scorpion, The Twin, Hobo Clown, Wick, Ms Merrywood, God, The Designer, The Translators, The Librarian, The Agent, and Cora

Star Trek:Captain James T Kirk, Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Khan Noonien Singh, Spock, Leonard McCoy, Hikaru Sulu, Nyota Uhura , Scotty, Pavel Chekov,Data,  Kruge, General Chang, Kor, Kang and The Borg and The Borg Queen

Buffyverse:Buffy, Faith, Tara, Willow, Cordelia, Spike, Giles, Angel, Angelus, Darla, Drusilla, Fred, Wesley, Glory, Mayor Wilkins, The Beast and The Master

Firefly:Mal, River, Zoe, River, Inara, Jeyne, Simon and Badger

Carmilla:Carmilla, Laura, Mattie,  LaFontaine, Perry,  Danny and The Dean

The Vampire Chronicles:Lestat, Louis, Armand, Marius, Akasha and Claudia

Rick And Morty: Rick Sanchez, Morty Smith, Summer Smith, Evil Rick, Evil Morty, Doofus Rick, Beth Smith, Dr. Xenon Bloom, Krombopulos Michael, Snowball, Birdperson,  Scary Terry. Mr Meeseeks, and  Mr. Poopy Butthole

Horror Horror Icons:Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Pinhead, Leatherface and The Sawyer Family, The Firefly Family, Jigsaw, Xenomorphs, Predator, The Thing, Jessica Check, Nancy Downs, Tiffany, Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, The Phantom, The Wolf Man, The Invisible Man, Count Orlock, and Creature From The Black Lagoon Horror Heroes/Heroines:Ash Williams, Ellen Ripley, Dr Abraham Van Helsing, Dr Loomis, Laurie Stroode, Jamie Lloyd, Nancy Thompson, Alice Johnson, Kristen Parker, Tommy Jarvis, Alice Hardy, Kirsty Cotton, Sally Hardesty and Reggie Bannister

Avatar:Aang, Katara, Zuko, Sokka, Toph, Mai, Sukki, Ty Lee, Azula, Iroh, Korra, Asami, Bolin, Tenzin, Amon, Red Lotus and Kuvira

Mass Effect

Commander Shepard, Femshep, Garrus Vakarian, Urdnot Wrex, Thane Krios,  Jack/ Jacqueline Nought, Miranda Lawson, Tali'Zorah, Liara T 'Soni, Edi, Jeff Monreau, Grunt, Samara, Kasumi Goto, Zaeed Masani, Aria T’Loak, Javik, Saren Arterius, Steve Cortez, Samantha Traynor, Kelly Chambers,  David Anderson and Steven Hackett

Assassin’s Creed Altair Ibn La'Ahad, Ezio Auditore, Ratonhnhaké:ton, Connor Kenway, Aveline de Grandpré, Edward Kenway, Adéwalé, Shao Jun, Arbaaz Mir, Nikolai Orelov, Arno Dorian, Evie Frye, Jacob Frye, Bayek,  Yusuf Tazim, Cristina Vespucci, Rosa, Sofia Sartor, Desmond Miles, and Lucy Stillman, Songbird, 

Bioshock

Jack, Subject Delta, Eleanor Lamb, Elizabeth Comstock, Booker DeWitt, Daisy Fitzroy, Rosalind Lutece, Robert Lutece, Andrew Ryan, Frank Fontaine/Atlas, Zachary Hale Comstock, Sander Cohen,  Brigid Tenenbaum, Yi Suchong, J.S. Steinman, Augustus Sinclair, and  Cornelius Slate

Life Is Strange Chloe Price, Max Caulfield, Rachel Amber, Kate Marsh, Victoria Chase, Nathan Prescott, Dana Ward, Juliet Watson, Frank Bowers, Joyce Price, William Price,  David Madsen, Brooke Scott, Alyssa Anderson, Courtney Wagner,  Taylor Christensen, Daniel DaCosta, Ms Grant and Samuel Taylor

The Elder Scrolls

The Nerevarine, The Champion Of Cyrodiil, Dovahkiin, Lucien Lachance,  Martin Septim, Uriel Septim VII, Count Janus Hassildor, The Grey Fox, Miirak,  Azura, Boethiah, Clavicus Vile, Hermaeus Mora, Hircine, Jyggalag, Malacath, Mehrunes Dagon, Mephala, Merida, Molag Bal, Namira, Nocturnal, Peryite, Sanguine, Sheogorath, Vaermina,

Favorite ships.

All here

Favorite Wrestlers

The Undertaker, Stone Cold Steve Austin, The Rock, Kane, Goldberg, Bret Hart, Triple H(before he became a corporate stooge and found out about what he did to Chyna) Shawn Michaels, Golddust, Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love, Eddie Guerrero, Sting, Scott Steiner, Chris Jericho, The Hardy Boyz, Kurt Angle, Road Dogg, Bad Ass Billy Gunn, Road Warriors, Gangrel, Edge, Christian, Big Show, Macho Man Randy Savage, Rowdy Roddy Piper, Ricky The Dragon Steamboat,  Jake “The Snake” Roberts, Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan,  The Ultimate Warrior, Big Boss Man, Bam Bam Bigelow, Ted Dibiase, The Iron Shiek, Sgt Slaughter,  Nikolai Volkoff, Rick Rude, Honky Tonk Man, Mr Perfect. Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard, Barry Windham, Harley Race, Dusty Rhodes, David Von Erich, Kevin Von Erich, Kerry Von Erich, Michael Hayes, Terry Garvin, Terry Gordy, Buddy Roberts, Owen Hart, Razor Ramon/Scott Hall, Diesel/Kevin Nash, Yokozuna, Davey Boy Smith, Dynamite Kid, Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart, Raven, Booker T, Diamond Dallas Page, Vader, William Regal, Jerry Lawler, Chris Benoit(despite what he did, he was still a good wrestler) Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, Rey Mysterio, Lance Storm, Billy Kidman, Vampiro, Juventud Guerrera, Ultimo Dragon, Psicosis,  Faarooq/Ron Simmons, Bradshaw,  Sid Vicious, Lex Luger, Sabu, The Sandman, Shane Douglas, Tommy Dreamer, Terry Funk, Tazz, The Dudley Boyz, Rob Van Dam, Batista, Cody Rhodes, AJ Styles, Finn Balor, Shinsuke Nakamura, Bobby Roode, Samoa Joe, Seth Rollins, Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns,   Kevin Owens, Bray Wyatt, Sami Zayn,  Chyna, Trish Stratus, Lita,  Victoria, Beth Phoenix, Melina, Torrie Wilson, Stacy Keibler, Michelle McCool, Jacqueline, Jazz, Mickie James, Ivory,  AJ Lee, Paige, Natalya The Bella Twins, Sasha Banks, Asuka,  Charlotte, Alexa Bliss, Bayley, Becky Lynch, Ember Moon, Nia Jax, Naomi and Emma

[sutzrainbow]

This thought process begins with Mr Robot.

I don’t know all that much about this show, even though I’m a fan of Rami Malek and I love his work. I haven’t felt able to tackle Mr Robot because it just seems too dark, too cynical and very focused on the hundreds and hundreds of ways modern society sucks. I can find that whenever I switch on the news - or browse Tumblr. I’m sorry, but no matter how good it is, I’m sure that watching Mr Robot would make me miserable - and I won’t do that to myself.

Mind you, I’ve kept it on my radar, because I’m interested in what Rami’s doing. My understanding of it is limited, but there’s always been something that’s bothered me a bit. And it’s pure nitpicking on my part.

Rami Malek and Christian Slater don’t look like father and son.

I’m not saying I expect parents to look exactly like their kids. I look much more like my mother than my father, but there are still subtle hints of his on my face. And as someone who’s very interested in genetics and family resemblances, it always gives me a thrill when casting directors are able to cast actors who look like they could be related. Take a look at both sets of Baudelaires, for example.

I suppose it’s also because not only do Rami and Christian not look like each other, they look so opposite to each other.

Maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s meant to be because Elliott is misremembering his dad. I do know that plot twist. Or it’s because they were picked purely on their acting ability and for no other reason. And star power in the case of Christian Slater.

This is just a personal nitpick. I mean no disrespect to anyone involved with the production of such a great show.

So why do I bring this up? Because I do know of an actor who alternatively could play Elliot’s dad - or a parent for Rami’s character in another project.

This guy:

Does he look familiar? No?

What if I told you he was in A Knight’s Tale?

Yup. That’s Count Adhemar.

This actor’s name is Rufus Sewell. He’s not well known in America, though he does do a lot of work there, but in Britain we currently know him best for his work in Victoria where he co-stars with Jenna Coleman from Doctor Who.

The film that actually got me interested in him though was Dark City. I’d not seen this film until very recently, but to those who haven’t seen it, I really recommend it. It’s one of Alex Proyas’ earliest films and one of his best: leaps and bounds ahead of I, Robot or Gods of Egypt. Its plot is very similar to The Matrix (which came out a year later), but it’s better in lots of ways, because the story behind the false reality is slightly more unique and clever, and it’s more subtle. They don’t beat you over the head with all the symbolism. Also the acting is much better. No gormless Keanu Reeves or overly-intense ship crew here!

That said, The Matrix does have an advantage in that it can still be enjoyed if your brain is switched off, because it’s got these fantastic action scenes and it is so heavy-handed with its philosophy. With Dark City, you have really got to pay attention to have any clue what’s going on. So neither is really better than the other; each just does certain things better. I still love The Matrix, but Dark City is my favourite of the two.

Anyway, as I was watching Rufus in the lead, I couldn’t shake the thought that, Wow, this guy looks like Rami...

Like, this guy really looks like Rami.

(Or more accurately, since he’s younger, Rami looks like him.)

It’s not just physical appearance either; a lot of their expressions are quite similar, right down to where they both convey a huge amount with tiny subtle movements. It’s the eyes, I think. 

And they both have a similar intense stare. That’s a scary stare right there.

(Don’t eat me, Elliott, please!)

Apparently Rufus’ parents were Welsh and Australian, so I don’t know if he’s descended from the Middle East somewhere further back in his ancestry. Obviously they aren’t identical, but the resemblance between these two is still uncanny.

Most of the gifs above are of Rufus in the 90s as a younger actor - roughly the same age Rami is now, actually. Here’s what he looks like currently.

His face has slimmed down a lot too, so even his jaw vaguely resembles Rami’s. There’s only just over a decade between them in age, but I think these two would be great together as a father and son. 

What do you guys think? Should I be a casting director? Heh.

If you’re interested in Rufus’ work, I cannot recommend Dark City highly enough, especially if you’re a fan of The Matrix. Currently he’s left Victoria (as Lord Melbourne really has no place once Albert comes along), but he’s also doing some work for Amazon in a series called The Man in the High Castle. So go and check that out, I guess?

As for Rami, I hear he’ll be playing Freddie Mercury of all people quite soon. I wonder if that means we’ll hear him sing?

[directorscutandsomeotherstuff]

Scarlett Spider #1

(Hey, kids. It’s Director’s Cut time again, the time when I find really old fanfics and make them better and/or worse through the power of second drafts. One of these days, I’m gonna run out of subjects that I personally was involved in, but today’s not that day. Let’s talk Spider-Man, bitches!)

(Spider-Man was one of my favorite super heroes growing up. Part of that could have been the whole “every day nerd turning out to be a super cool guy” thing that became standard procedure for YA fiction in the nineties and 2000′s, or it could have been the fact that Spider Man was a super hero who dealt with terrible, life-threatening scenarios by snarking at them, making him my spandex clad spirit animal. It sure as hell couldn’t have been the spider part, because I’m pretty sure even now, I would not want to be even in the same room as a radioactive spider, even if its bites made you a super hero and didn’t, say, just give you spider-cancer.)

(Of course, one of the best things about the comic book universe, in my opinion, is the fanfiction side of things. Rather than indulge in complex sexual fantasies involving mass murderers being made tame in the presence of horny women or turning potentially years worth of established canon on its head to justify two men being reduced to a rudimentary desire to touch each others dinguses, the world of comic book fanfics gives us a greater chance of running into power fantasy of a very typically male bent. Such is the case with our buddy, the appropriately named Max Mercury, and his story about a totally not like the author teenage boy who’s best friends with a super hero and then becomes one because he’s also best friends with mad science. This is gonna be a fun one.)

Dark Alley

Ethan is in a dark alley when he comes against three thugs.

Thug 1: Hey kid gimme your money!

Ethan: I don't have any.

Thug 2: What did we say!

(Thug 1: Fool, you didn’t say nothing.

Thug 2: Bro, I know that, all right? We been over this. I’m just tryna establish a “united front.” Like, your words are all our words, and shit. Businessmen in, like, Japan and shit do it all the time.

Thug 1: We ain’t in Japan, neither. Quit fucking around.

Thug 2: Bro... Bro... holy shit. I know we ain’t in Japan, alright? I ain’t a moron, or nothing.

Ethan: Should I just leave you guys alone, or something?)

Thug 3: I think this kid needs to be taught a lesson.

Scarlet Spider: Get away from my friend!

Thug 1: The Scarlet Spider.

(Scarlet Spider: People’re usually a bit more surprised when I sneak up on them.

Thug 1: We’re nameless thugs in a fanfiction. This was pretty much a guarantee.

Thug 2: Hey, Spider-bro. It’s all good. Maybe we could exchange business cards’re something. You know, businessmen in Japan...)

The Scarlet Spider beats up the bad guys.

They get up and run away. Scarlet Spider: Stay here Ethan I'm gonna take out the trash!

Ethan: Go take them punks out!

Classroom – Daytime

Ethan Masters, a 15 year old African American Male is sitting in class asleep (dreaming) when his teacher calls him. (Well, it’s good that we have the barest description of the character in the scene after he’s been introduced. Also, what’s he dreaming about? I choose to believe he’s having the “I have to go to the bathroom, but there don’t seem to be any in this building” dream.)

Teacher: MR MASTERS!

Ethan (Groggy): What, huh?

Teacher: WAKE UP!

Ethan (Groggy): I'm not sleep.

(Teacher: WELL GOOD! I’D HATE FOR THIS CLASS TO BE BORING FOR YOU!

Ethan: Man, do you have to yell like that all the time?

Teacher: WHAT? OH, SORRY! I JUST TEND TO GET REALLY EXCITED ABOUT TEACHING! *clears throat* Now, then...)

Teacher: What's the answer to number 3.

Ethan: Um 17!

Teacher: That might be right but we're in history class.

(Ethan: No, that’s what I mean. UM ‘17. The Utrechtmarkt of 1717. You know, Dutch East India Company and all that.

Teacher: Oh... well... Good job, Mr. Masters. You managed to remember a thing.)

The class laughs at him. The bell rings. And they leave. _______________________________________________________

Hallway – Daytime

Ethan is walking thorough the hallway as his girlfriend Lenina a 16 year old African American Female comes thorough the hallway and sneaks up on him.

Lenina: Hey baby.

Ethan kisses Lenina and begins to grab her butt.

Lenina: Not here baby.

Ethan gets off.

(Lenina: *recoils* Ugh, Ethan! I said not here! You and your stupid hair-trigger...)

Ethan: Sorry. What's up baby?

Lenina: We goin to the movies tonight.

Ethan: I can't.

Lenina: Why not?

Ethan: I gotta go over to Doc Samson's lab tonight.

Lenina: Again. You've been goin over there all week.

Ethan: But today the Doc's ready to test the Neogenic Recombinator. I gotta be there to see it. We've workedreally hard on this.

(Lenina: Oh, right. Pardon me. I was just offering boring old action flicks and some hot over-the-pants rubdown action when we made out in the car. I should have known that I couldn’t compete with a teenage boy and the siren call of cutting edge genetic engineering. 

Ethan: Don’t feel bad, baby. I still like over the pants rubdowns. It’s just, we can do that any old day, and we often do. How many opportunities does a guy get to stand on the threshold of God’s domain and drop a flaming bag of dog crap on the porch?)

Ethan goes over to his locker and opens it up showing pictures of Spiderman and even more of the Scarlet Spider.

Lenina: I could see idolizing Spiderman but that other guy. (Actually, now that I think about it, isn’t it a bit weird you only have pictures of muscly men in skintight spandex bodysuits in your locker, that you fawn over constantly?)

Ethan: The Scarlet Spider was bangin girl! You don't know what you're talkin about. He busted up bad guys better in the short time he was a round than Spidey ever did. And if Philly had a hero I wish it had been him.

Lenina: Whatever. I got to get to the bus on time so I'll see you later.

They kiss and they go their separate ways.

_______________________________________________________

Doc Samson's Lab – Daytime

Ethan walks in Doc Samson's lab and puts his equipment on.

Samson: Ethan I've got the recombinator up and online.

Ethan: Great. (Glad to know you’re able to run the machine that allows you to do your job, Doc. I was worried we were just gonna be staring at the thing all day, without plugging it in.)

Ethan goes over to Freddie, Doc Samson's pet, genetically engineered Spider.

Ethan: Hey Freddie.

He puts his hand in the cage and the spider bites him.

Ethan: OUCH! Your tarantula bit me.

(Samson: Well, why did you put your hand in the cage? It’s a spider, not a puppy.)

Samson: It's not just a tarantula, it's been spliced between a water spider, a tarantula, and a black widow. I devenomized him he won't poison you. (I also gave him racing stripes and the ability to whistle. I’ve created a mockery of natural design, and God save me, I don’t ever want to stop!)

Ethan: Good let's fire this baby up!

Samson: Okay we're gonna do some genetic crossing like I did with Freddie there. (I’m thinking today, we’re gonna combine a dog with a fish. I’mma call it a dosh!) Once we activate it.

Ethan: Cool.

Samson: Let's prepare for a test run!

Doc. Samson turns it on and the beam fires up.

Ethan (Raising his voice over the noise of the beam): Got a good flow.

Samson (Raising his voice over the noise of the beam): Yeah nice and smooth!

The Recomnbinator begins to overload.

Ethan (Fearful): It's overloading!

(Samson (over the noise of the beam): What? I can’t hear you! Did you say it’s overloa-)

The blasts come toward them.

Samson: GET DOWN! I'm gonna get the reflector.

Ethan is down while Doc. Samson gets the reflector. (The reflector was actually an umbrella, made of aluminum foil, but the Doc really seemed to get a kick out of using it.)

A beam goes toward Doc. Samson but he reflects it and hits Freddie then the same beam hits Ethan. Ethan springs to his feet. He tries to turn the Recombinator off. But it continues to overload.

Samson: It's to late get out while you still can!

Ethan: But Doc. (We can still save it. I mean, you wouldn’t be so stupid as to design a machine that deals with this much energy and not give it an emergency shutoff or some other safety feature, right?

A heavy, awkward silence fills the room, punctuated only by the chaotic rumbling of the Recombinator.)

Samson: GET OUT!

The room begins to explode and Ethan jumps out of the nearby window and lands on the ground running as fast as he can from the scene.

(Doc Samson stares at his machine, watching the arc of electrical shorts as they run along its surface, and opens up his reflector umbrella.

Samson: This is gonna suck, Freddie. You know what to do.

Freddie: *whistles the ending credits theme to the Incredible Hulk 1970s TV show*

Samson: *tears up* Good boy... good boy.)

Streets – Daytime

Ethan is running down the street as Police and Paramedics and firemen pull up and assess the situation putting the fires out etc. Police questions him as he returns to the front of the building. After a tough session he goes home.

Ethan's House – Daytime

Ethan's parents are watching the report of the science building exploding worrying about Ethan as he comes in. They hug him.

Mom: We thought you were dead.

Dad: We were so worried about you (I mean, not worried enough to go check it out, but...)

Mom: Are you okay?

Ethan: Yeah I'm fine I just want to go and rest. Mom: Okay honey take all the time you need.

(Ethan: Really? So, I could, like, get out of going to school tomorrow?

Mom: Yeah, not even a good try, kid.

Ethan: Crud)

Ethan: Thanks.

Ethan's Room - Nighttime

Ethan is in his room talking to himself.

Ethan: Man I almost didn't get outta there today good thing I jumped from the window. But it was on the top floor, how did I survive. I don't care I'm just glad I did. (Yeah, it doesn’t matter that my mentor’s probably dead and that I got out of an exploding building unscathed. I wonder if there’s still time to take Lenina up on that date...)

Ethan hears pots landing on the floor startled he jumps to the ceiling and sticks to it. He looks down.

(Ethan: Wait a minute... pots? In my bedroom? Pots don’t belong in my bedroom. And neither does this stove. Or this refrigerator. Also, I appear to be hanging from the ceiling.)

Ethan: What the hell's happening to me.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

The Pereira-Crabtree family: notes; name inspirations

I mostly use the randomizer option and when I get a new family member though marriage or adoption, I usually don’t change it. But sometimes I pick names and sometimes I do make some changes.

Here we go:

Original Pereira-Crabtree family

Melany: random name

Vanessa: random name

Adrianna: random name, nickname Adri

Riley: random name

Mae: random name

Adri’s branch

Crabtree-Benali family:

Salim: NPC

Derek: not chosen by me, although it was originally Derrick and I changed the spelling

Amari: random name

Crabtree-Savalani family:

Saanvi: NPC

Tanisha: not chosen by me, nickname Tani

Kahili: named after Alola Elite Four member Kahili who specialises in Flying type pokemon

Savalani family:

Seema: NPC

Medhi: not chosen by me

Azure: not chosen by me

Jamie: chosen by @vreniii, deadname was Meghan which was not chosen by me, but I did change the spelling from Meaghane (or something white) to Meghan

Alessandro: not chosen by me

Brower-Balderas family:

Katherine*: random name

Phillp*: random name

Jessie*: random name

Matty*: random name

Crabtree-Arroyo family:

Andrea: NPC

Regina**: NPC

Arroyo-Gandhi family:

Aanya: NPC

Benali-Pierre family:

Eduardo: not chosen by me, nickname Ed

Rosemary: named after the song Rosemary from How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying

Benali-Pierre family:

Natalya: named after Natasha from Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Jessie: NPC

Celia: I don’t remember. Deadname was Rhys, which I hated.

Benali-Foster family:

Katherine: NPC

Tracy: not chosen by me

I’ll put Julia in Mae’s branch

Riley’s branch

Pereira-McAfee family:

Heaven: NPC

Myra: not chosen by me

Nikita “Kitty”: don’t fucking ask. I don’t remember the name given to her by the game

Yassine-McAfee family:

Anas: not chosen by me

Dwayne: named after the character Dwayne from Death In Paradise, which I was watching while Myra was giving birth to him

Yassine-Lloyd family:

Alvetta: NPC

Convivium: named after a word in my sociology book, nickname Connie

Masami: NPC

Anas Jr. “AJ”: named after Anas, since he died accidentally. I originally planned on calling him Conubium or something to match his sister, but then I remembered Anas’s death

Yassine-Banks family:

Nicole*: named after Nicole Row, nickname Nicky

Crystal: random name, but chosen when I saw it because a) she’s an alien and I think it’s an “alien” name and b) her dad went into labour while collecting crystals at work.

Jonathan: named after Jonathan Larson, cause I was listening RENT.

Pereira-Datta family:

Shanaya: NPC

Jacob: not chosen by me, but I changed the spelling from Jakob to Jacob. I think.

Fitzpatrick-Banks family:

Isabella: NPC

Mercury: chosen by my friend Alex, middle name Quick.

Yassine-House family:

Tori: Sim made by my sister.

Donnie: not chosen by me

Kaylee: definitely not chosen by me

I’ll put Rohan etc. in Mae’s branch

Mae’s branch

Pereira-Morse family:

Micah: NPC

Brittany: random name, but chosen when I saw it cause it reminded me of Brittany from glee

Savalani-Morse family:

Dhruv: not chosen by me

Sadie: random name

Rohan: not chosen by me

Jia Li: I just wanted a Chinese name. I don’t remember the name given to her by the game

Julia: not chosen by me

Kelvin: I don’t know how I got to the combination of “Kelvin and Sjonnie”...

Sjonnie: ... but I did, because I really wanted Sjonnie because it is a terrible name. My dad came up with Sjonnie.

Larissa: random name, but chosen when I saw it cause it reminded me of Lardo from Check, Please!

Davin: not chosen by me

Estaban-Morse family:

Camila: Sim made by @vreniii

Sofya: named after Sonya from Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 

Pereira-Morse family:

Jack: named after Jack Zimmermann

Pereira-Lincoln family:

Stephanie*: can’t remember

Simon: random name, but chosen when I saw it cause it reminded me of Simon Snow and Simon Spier.

Pereira-Buckley family:

Devan*: can’t remember

Dunham family:

Quinn: NPC

Joyson family:

Eva: NPC

Aadhya: NPC

Alyssa: not chosen by me

Maria: named after a random woman I met on the train and well, I was kinda smitten by the actual Maria

Joyson-Suzuki-Skelter family:

Kengo: NPC

Oscar: random name

Mei: named after Mei Hummel-Anderson

Dallas: NPC

Maddy: named after Maddy Hummel-Anderson

Joyson-Suzuki-Acevado family:

Celeste: named after Celestial, since she’s an alien. Middle name is Satu.

Juan Diego: NPC

Fernando**: NPC

Joyson-Suzuk-Carver-Brothers idk family

Clive: NPC

Catania: named after princess Catania from Barbie

Stella: named after Stella from Winx Club

Sol: named after the son

Sierra: NPC

Joyson-al Halib family:

Yasmin: NPC

Okada family:

Izumi: NPC

Deborah**: NPC

Ava: NPC

Okada family:

Aanya: NPC

Srivansan-Morse family:

Sara: NPC

Antoinette: I expected her to be a boy named Tony, named after the Tony Awards. Luckily, Tony Awards is short for Antoinette Perry Awards, so I named her Antoinette.

Olivier: named after the Olivier Awards

Obie: named after the Obie Awards.

Srivasan-Buckley family:

Alycia*: can’t remember

Dickerson-Morse family:

Nina: random name, but chosen when it reminded me of Nina Rosario.

Quintana-Morse family:

Charlotte: NPC

Lorelei: not chosen by me

Dickerson family:

Esmeralda*: can’t remember

Armando*: can’t remember

Troy*: random name

Penelope*: named after Penelope Bunce

Pet names

Freddie (cowplant): I don’t fucking know

Barry (cowplant): named after Barry Allen/The Flash, because Barry was “the fastes growing cowplant alive”

Chestnut (dog): not chosen by me

Pepper (cat): not chosen by me

Doki (cat): not chosen by me

Murphy (dog): not chosen by me

Phalanx (dog): named after Phalanx from All The Other Ghosts

Gacy (dog): not chosen by me

Coco (dog): I don’t even know

Pepperoni (cat): named after Pepper

Speckles (cat): it sounded fun

Kat (cat): literally means cat in Dutch

Poes (cat): literally means female cat in Dutch

Beebo (dog): named after Brendon Urie, since Larissa is emo

Shelby (dog): not chosen by me

Shiloh (dog): not chosen by me

Lenore (dog): named after Lenore from Poe Party

Spatula (cat): named after a spatula

Frankie (cat): not chosen by me

Ash (dog): kinda named after Ash Ketchum

Lydia (dog): named after Lydia Bennet from the Lizzie Bennet Diaries/Pride & Prejudice

Gucci (cat): not chosen by me

Chrissy (cowplant): I came up with it on the spot

Tofu (dog): not chosen by me

Bubbles (cat): random name

Bea: random name

Mr. Wiggles: random name

Doodle: random name

Pippa: not chosen by me

Explanations

random name: This is pretty obvious

not chosen by me: Adopted children, clones, Sims from the well and children that were born while I was away got a name generated by the game. This is different from ‘random name’, because there I just spam the random button till I find one, so in a way, I still choose the name. Here I don’t.

NPC: This is an NPC that got married into the family, so

*: Except for the original three Sims in the family, all the other Sims are created by genetics and adoption, so I didn’t create any of them myself in CAS. These are the exceptions, since they’re Sims from my other households that I have merged with the Pereira-Crabtree family.

**: NPCs that are stepchildren.

[starrystarrybabe]

Oh, How the Mighty Fall [In Love] CHAPTER ONE (Ben Hardy x OC)

Lily Anne Mercury is brought in to help with Bohemian Rhapsody at the request of her Uncle Bri and Uncle Rog, and along the way, she might meet someone to share her life with. The only problem with this is that while their friends and the world can see that they’re perfect for each other, they’re going to be fully blind to this for a while.

DISCLAIMER: I’m fully aware that it would’ve been physically impossible for Jim and Freddie to have a child even with this method during the time they were alive, but the idea of Freddie as a dad and the idea of how his child would turn out to be was just too sweet for me to not write. I’m also aware that I have 2 more fics in progress and I must make a masterlist, but as I’ve previously stated in other fic disclaimers, I am technologically challenged and quite overwhelmed at the moment. I apologize for this, because you all deserve the best from me, and it may take me a while to get to a place where I feel comfortable enough with the quality of everything to produce it. I do have a problem with being a perfectionist when it comes to my work, but I’m working on making that better.

April 15th, 1989

Freddie couldn’t help but smile as he saw the bundle he and Jim had been waiting for so long finally heading towards his arms. Finally, their little girl was here.

Finally, they had the child they always wanted.

Finally, they could hold a tiny person that was as close to a truly representative biological combination of the two of them.

The little girl is placed in Freddie’s arms and the tears start flowing when she opens her eyes and squirms her little arms out of her swaddle. She’s absolutely gorgeous, with Freddie’s eyes and nose, and dimples similar to Jim’s.

“Hello, darling. Welcome to the world,” Freddie tearfully coos to the girl. “Your father and I have been waiting for you for so long.”

The little girl reaches up with one hand to tug on her father’s mustache, and he lets her, smiling despite the pain. Jim watches and smiles, wrapping an arm around his partner.

They’ll send a lovely gift to Annie, the woman who carried their daughter. She was absolutely perfect, because not only was she a wonderful person, but also because her genetic makeup is nearly identical to Jim’s. Lily Anne is by all means, an accurate representation of what a child with Jim and Freddie’s genetics would look like.

“Don’t hog her, Fred. Pass her here,” Jim jokes, and cradles the little girl as she’s passed to him. “Hello, Lily. You don’t know it yet, but your papa and I love you so much already. We will always be here for you. Always. Even in death, you can bet that we’ll be keeping a close eye on you, love.”

That last sentence hits Freddie in a very sore spot, and he chokes back mournful tears. He’s not sure how much time he has left. It’s probably not even a year, based on what the doctors have told him, and that hurts badly, because all he wants now is to be there to see his daughter turn a year old.

Annie watches this and smiles sadly, squeezing Freddie’s hand. “It was an honor carrying her for you, Fred. I’m glad I could give you the best gift anyone could ever receive.”

He sniffs and looks at Annie. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done. She’s wonderful, and you’re just... darling, you’re the closest thing to an angel I’ll ever get to meet.”

Annie squeezes his hand, and Lily cries out in Jim’s arms at her papa’s distress. Freddie leans in and coos to her, tears rolling down his cheeks as he does.

“Don’t cry, darling. Please, don’t. I’m alright, love. Just getting into my emotions, that’s all. I’ll be fine.”

Lily sniffles and reaches for Freddie, and he takes her, holding her to his chest.

Jim watches and smiles. “She’s going to be amazing, Fred.”

Freddie looks at him seriously, taking a deep breath. “Promise me one thing, darling.”

“Of course, Fred.”

“You’ll make sure she knows how much I love her, even after I’m gone,” he says, rubbing the baby’s back as she falls asleep.

“I would do that no matter what, you know that.”

“Also fix her teeth and get her singing lessons,” he continues, “And if you see a good statement piece that screams my name, get that too.”

Jim laughs and sits back, and the two of them fall into a comfortable silence as they watch their newborn sleep.

May, 2018

Lily Anne curses as she drives over a particularly sharp rock and the front left tire of her vintage Rolls Royce squeals. “Stay intact, please! I don’t want you to get scratched, my love.”

She pulls down her round Dior sunglasses, and looks around the parking lot in the middle of nowhere for a spot. “Damn, why’d they choose to film in the middle of bloody nowhere?”

She finally parks, and steps out of her car, fixing up her hair and outfit, and clutching her bag. Beginning to walk over to the replica Wembley Stadium stage, she sees a head of white curls next to a man with a white beard and dark Ray Bans ahead of her. She knows that if she yells to Roger, he won’t hear her. He’s deaf as hell and blind as a bat. That leaves only one option.

“Uncle Bri! Wait up!” She yells and begins to run to catch up to the men. “I’m wearing heels, so you need to slow down!”

Brian stops and lets Roger know to stall, and when he turns around, he smiles at the girl.

She finally gets to them and huffs. “Why’d you choose this bloody field in the middle of nowhere to film? Christine can’t handle that and you know it!”

Roger frowns. “Why the hell would you drive your Rolls Royce so far? It’s vintage! If you don’t treat that car better, I’m taking it!”

Lily gasps. “How dare you! I would never let a blind old bat take my car.”

Roger playfully hits her shoulder, and Brian opens his arms for a hug. Lily gladly presses herself against the taller man, her head coming up to his chest.

“Thanks for coming to help us on this project, Lily. It’s very appreciated,” he says, ruffling her hair.

When she pulls away and continues walking with them, she shrugs. “I had to. It’s about my papa’s legacy. I can’t miss out on that. I may not have known him for long, but he has to be done justice, and I can help with that.”

Roger smiles and wraps an arm around her shoulder. “You’re already doing that by writing amazing music, love. How’s the band doing?”

She smiles back up at her uncle. “Amazing! The reviews of our new album call it our best since 2012, and we might just get an award for it.”

Lily Anne and Room 301’s latest album was all about the struggles of living in London when one is raised with the band members’ cultural and social backgrounds. With a guitarist being the child of Nigerian immigrants, two lesbians from conservative Welsh Methodist and Irish-Catholic households respectively, and a frontwoman who was raised by a gay Irish man but also a Zoroastrian extended family, it made for an interesting set of problems faced by them collectively.

The band was formed when they were all roommates in college, during their freshman year. Jim went to all the concerts and gigs he possibly could, and the four girls always loved going to Garden Lodge afterward for tea and cake.

Roger grins and looks down at his goddaughter. “Wonderful! We’re so proud of you.”

Brian nods and smiles at the girl. “Your fathers would be so happy to hear that.”

She nods, smiling at the men. “Jim had a folder of clippings from the uni paper articles about us. I just wish he was there to see our first award ceremony.”

Brian squeezes her shoulder. “I’m sure they were both there, watching. They loved you more than anything, Lily.”

Roger smiles fondly. “Remember when Freddie brought her into rehearsal in that fur coat and held her the whole time?”

Brian nods and laughs. “It was so funny to see her try to pry the microphone from his hands the whole time. We couldn’t use any of the audio from that day.”

Lily looks up at the men and smiles. “I clearly still wear fur.” She twirls in her new mint colored fur coat.

Roger nods. “You’re dressing more like Freddie every day.”

“Thank you, darling.” She flips her hair dramatically and continues walking, and her uncles just smile, watching her go along.

—

Lily is impressed by the accuracy of the set, and so are Brian and Roger. Now all that’s left to see is the actors. A meeting is called on stage, and Lily Anne sits with Brian and Roger, nursing a cup of coffee in her manicured hands.

She sees the boys come out in their costumes, and is awestruck by Rami’s look. The makeup and hair department really did well on the accuracy. All that’s missing is the teeth. Joe looks pretty much like John Deacon, but it’s scary how accurate Gwil looks when it comes to resembling Brian.

Then, Ben comes out. The look is farthest from the original, but damn. The boy looks good. If he looked more like Roger, he would simply have too much power. Ovaries would explode.

Brian begins, greeting the boys. “Hello, everyone! You all look great. We just wanted to make sure that you all meet the newest member of the Bohemian Rhapsody family. You probably recognize her, since she’s in the public eye, but we also wanted to give her a moment to introduce herself.”

Roger gestures to Lily and she smiles. “Alright, then. I’m Lily Anne, and I’m Freddie and Jim’s daughter. I’m very excited to work with you all, and I’d love to help in any way I can. I can give most of you pointers on how to navigate the characters you play, but even if I can’t, I probably know people who can.” Lily shrugs. “That’s about all I have to say. Kick ass and do my papa and the rest of the band justice. I trust that you all can do your jobs well.”

The cast is still pretty tired, but they gratefully smile and nod.

Brian smiles. “Great! You can all go back to hair and makeup.”

The cast disperses with quiet thank you’s and waves, and Brian smiles.

Lily looks up at him. “The Bohemian Rhapsody family?”

He nods. “This is something that I think will create a close bond between those boys. They already mesh so well together. You should go meet some of them one on one, Lil. The trailers are behind the stage. They’re all in a big one, getting ready together.”

Lily Anne nods. “Sure. I’ll go do that now.”

—

She knocks on the door of the trailer and a makeup artist opens it, smiling.

“You must be Lily Anne. Come on in!” The artist greets her, smiling.

“Thank you, darling. What’s your name?” She walks inside.

“Katie. Nice to meet you.” She holds out her hand for a shake, and Lily shakes it, smiling.

“The pleasure is all mine, love. Now, Brian said that I should go back here to get to know you all better since we’ll be together for a while.”

Rami waves, unable to speak since the teeth are being put in his mouth. Lily waves back at him, smiling.

Joe smiles. “Hi! I’m a huge fan of your music.”

Lily smiles and puts a hand over her heart. “Thank you so much, darling! I appreciate that very much.” She pauses and looks at him more closely. “You look awfully familiar. Have I seen you in something before?”

He shrugs. “I was in Jurassic Park. I was the little kid.”

Lily gasps. “That’s what it is! Wow! You seem very well adjusted for a child actor.”

Joe grins. “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

She turns her attention to Gwil, who now has the wig fully on.

“I must say, Gwilym, has anyone told you that you look exactly like Brian? It’s terrifying,” she comments, still in awe. “I feel like you’re actually Brian in this wig.”

Gwil smiles. “Yeah, it’s pretty insane. I think that I probably look the closest to the real thing.”

Lily nods. “I agree. I mean, you all look absolutely lovely, but for you, the accuracy is downright frightening.”

Ben speaks up, looking into the mirror. “I know I look furthest from the real thing. I hope fans don’t nitpick that too much.”

Lily scoffs. “I’m willing to bet that part of the reason why you were cast was that you’re similar enough, but also prettier than Roger ever was. He’s an egotistical wanker. He’d do something like that.”

Ben laughs, turning partially red, and Lily feels herself trying not to visibly show her arousal. What a beautiful man. She’s already in love.

“I certainly hope my acting abilities have something to do with my casting,” he says, trying to become less red.

Lily rolls her eyes. “Of course they do, darling! You were amazing in Eastenders. Why’d you quit that? I loved it.”

He sighs. “I want to be seen as more than just a pretty blonde. I became uncomfortable with being shirtless so often and wanted to be used as more than just something that’s good to look at. Now, I try to take more jobs that don’t require me to be shirtless.”

Lily nods. Damn, he has substance and he’s gorgeous. She needs to hop on that once filming is over. “I understand. I promise you, you will be amazing in this, and I’m sure it will open up more opportunities that you want afterward.”

He smiles at her and she has to keep herself from physically melting. Fuck, he’s so pretty and nice and wonderful.

“I really appreciate that, Lil. Can I call you that? Lil?” He asks her.

‘You can call me whatever you want, you beautiful man.’

“Of course! That’s fine.”

Rami finally gets the teeth in and looks to Lily. “Finally, I can speak. I just wanted to say that it’s an absolute honor to play your father, and I would love nothing more than to make him and you proud.” Rami’s sentences are slow, calculated, and incredibly heartfelt.

Lily walks over and smiles, giving him a hug. “That means so much to me, Rami. Really, it does. You look amazing, and I can’t wait to see you perform. You’ll all do amazing.”

The cast thanks her, and she can’t help but melt at Ben’s smile.

“After today is finished, would you all like to go to Garden Lodge with me instead of sleeping in these trailers? I have so many spare rooms and we can order food and get to know each other.” She offers.

“Can Lucy, Allen, and Aaron come as well? They’re part of this as well.” Rami asks.

She nods. “Of course. My Rolls Royce won’t fit that many people, but I’m sure at least one of you has a car here.”

Gwilym nods. “I have my car here. I can help bring people.”

Joe smiles and looks up at Lily. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to ride in the Rolls Royce. I’ve never done that before and it sounds fun.”

Lily grins. “What if I told you that it’s a vintage Rolls Royce?”

Joe and Ben’s eyes light up.

Ben looks up at her. “Please let me in that car.”

‘I’d let you in more places than my car.’

“Of course, love. You’re all welcome to ride in my car.” Lily grins at the boys, who look at each other excitedly. “I’ll ask the director if I can bring you all home with me tonight,” She teasingly says before she leaves the trailer with a flourish.

Katie smiles and moves to adjust Ben’s wig, trying to get it to be perfect. “She seems to be very nice.”

Joe nods. “I like her. What do you think, Ben?”

Ben turns to face him. “Why are you asking me in particular?”

Rami turns to look at him. “Because you seem very interested in her, and her in you.”

Ben scoffs. “I was being nice. We just met her. It’s too soon to make that judgment.”

The rest of the boys look at each other skeptically.

Joe smiles at Gwil. “I give it four months before one of them makes a move.”

Gwil raises a brow. “Who do you think will make the first move, though?”

Rami thinks, and shrugs. “Too soon to tell.”

By this point, Ben is bright red. “Can you all just stop? I’d like that.”

Katie sighs. “I’ll need to put on a lot more foundation if he stays this red. I’d love to continue this later, but now it needs to stop.”

The boys relent but still smile to themselves. They’ll just sit back and watch the two discover their attraction on their own.

Lily Anne gets permission to take home the boys and Lucy, Allen, and Aaron. She will spend some time with Aaron, especially since he plays Jim, and for her, it must be accurate. Her father is by all means, the most important man who has been and will ever be in her life, and she will defend him until the day she dies.

January 1, 2010

Lily frowns as she picks up her flip phone from her purse and steps outside of the frat party she’s at. “Hello? Who is this?”

“Hi, Lily. It’s Laura, your father’s nurse,” a stressed out voice from the other end responds to Lily’s inquiry. “I was concerned you wouldn’t pick up since you’re probably busy and don’t recognize my new number.”

“I always respond, Laura. What is it? Is my dad alright?” Lily becomes concerned. She knows that her father is getting increasingly worse from his cancer and AIDS, and he doesn’t have much longer to live.

“He’s... he wants you to come. Immediately. To be completely honest, I don’t fully know why he’s asking for you, but he sounds distressed,” Laura explains.

Lily’s eyes widen and she blinks back tears. Dear god, please don’t let this be what she thinks it is. Please, if there’s something out there that loves her, she will pray to it to keep her father alive.

“Say no more. I’ll be right over,” she responds, hanging up and calling over a cab.

-

Garden Lodge is only ten minutes away from her university, since she wants to make sure to always be there for her sick father, and it is the longest ten minutes she’s ever experienced in her life. When the ride is over, she throws money at the cabbie and tells him to keep the change before running inside the gate and banging on the door.

Laura opens it and she continues to run in her stilettos and short party dress. When she gets up the stairs she hears the gentle sounds of her papa’s voice singing Love of My Life, and enters her dad’s room.

Jim turns to see his daughter practically throw herself on the bed and hold his hand.

“I came as soon as Laura called. What is it, Dad?” Lily’s voice shakes.

“Love... I think you know what’s happening. We both know what’s happening,” he tells his daughter, brushing a stray hair from her face.

“Dad, you’ve had scares before. Maybe it’s just another one of those,” she tries to say, attempting to convince herself more than him while tears threaten to fall from her eyes.

He wipes away a single tear from her face and smiles gently at her. “No. This is different, Lily. I know it.”

She begins sobbing, moving to hug her father around the waist and rest her head on his chest like she did when she was little. “I don’t want you to go, Dad. Please, try to hold on a little longer.”

He strokes her hair and smiles. “Your Papa is waiting for me, darling. I’ve held on for as long as I can, my love. If I could stay with you forever I would.”

She can’t speak clearly, but squeezes her father and listens as his heartbeat begins to slow down. “I love you so much, Dad. Thank you so much for raising me and being so wonderful—“ She’s cut off by a sob. “I’ll miss you so much, Dad.”

Jim sniffles and tilts her head up to look at him. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Lily Anne. I’m so proud of you. I love you and the band so much, and I know you’ll succeed in whatever you choose to do. I’ll always be close by, and you know that. Your Papa will finally have me to watch you by his side.”

She blinks away tears and tries to make a joke. “What about the cats, Dad?”

Jim laughs, ruffling her hair. “I’m sure Delilah is there in his lap, watching us in judgment because we’re not petting her.”

The two of them laugh sadly and hold each other close, quieting down as Brian’s guitar wails.

“I’ve got to go, Lily. He’s becoming insistent,” Jim whispers, and she nods.

“Give him a hug for me, please.” She responds, hugging him.

“Will do, love. Your Papa and I will be watching.”

“Even when I get married?” Lily sniffles and looks up at her father.

“I’ll knock over your Papa’s ashes when we find the man for you,” Jim responds, kissing her forehead before closing his eyes and finally, drifting off into the afterlife.

When Lily Anne places her ear to his chest, she hears nothing.

Laura walks inside the room and looks at the scene in front of her, and sighs, taking the needle off of the record as Good Company starts playing.

Lily Anne simply holds her father tightly before sitting up, kissing his forehead, and moving to leave the room.

-

Brian is sleeping when Lily calls, and picks up the phone groggily, sitting up in bed. “Who’s calling at this hour?”

Sniffles.

“Can I help you?” He’s beginning to get annoyed, and now Anita has woken up, resting one hand on his shoulder.

“U-Uncle Bri, can I come over?” Lily Anne is practically crying over the phone.

“Lily, what’s wrong?” He frowns, and Anita sits next to him, trying to listen in on the call.

“I-It’s my Dad... h-he’s...” She begins sobbing again, and Brian brings a hand up to his lips.

“Oh no. Lily Anne, I’m so sorry. Come on over, love. I’ll call Roger and tell him the news,” Brian offers, trying to console the girl.

“Th-Thank you. I’ll be right over,” she says before hanging up.

When he puts down the phone, he breathes heavily, blinking back tears. “At least he’s with Freddie.”

Anita looks down. “Poor Lily. I’ll start up a pot of tea for her, you call Roger.” She kisses his cheek and moves to go to the kitchen.

-

Roger picks up on the third ring, and he’s angry at being woken up at this hour. “Brian, what the hell are you doing calling me this late—“

“Jim’s gone. Lily is coming over to my place, and I’m sure she’d appreciate you joining us.”

Roger is silent for a moment before sighing. “I’ll be right there. Should I tell the kids?”

“Once they’re awake. Right now, Lily needs us.”

“I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

-

Lily Anne rings the doorbell, still sniffling. Laura had driven her over before calling the funeral company and beginning to make arrangements.

Brian opens the door and sighs, hugging the girl tightly. She sobs into his chest, shaking like a leaf. The oversized sweater of Jim’s that she’s wearing now only accentuates how small she is, and right now she doesn’t look like a 20-year-old woman, but a little girl.

That night is full of tears, tea, and ends with Lily Anne falling asleep in a guest bedroom, mascara staining her eyes and running down her cheeks in rivulets.

Lily Anne smiles as Ben and Joe gape at her car, clearly impressed by the beautiful vintage. She’s very proud of Christine. She moves to open up the trunk and help the boys put their overnight bags inside, and moves a box of sage out of the way.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why do you have a huge box of sage in your car?” Gwilym asks her.

“I don’t mind at all. Actually, I sage my entire house, so the ghosts don’t cause too much trouble.”

Ben turns and frowns when he hears the word ‘ghosts.’ “Pardon me? Ghosts?”

She nods. “Garden Lodge is very haunted. None of the spirits are bad, though. Just bothersome.”

Joe raises a brow. “What do they do?”

She sighs and closes the trunk. “Well, six of the eight of them are cats, so they knock things off of shelves and meow at random times. Sometimes you can actually see them running across the hall.”

Rami purses his lips. “I can only guess that the other two ghosts are your fathers.”

She nods and smiles. “Yeah. They are. Sometimes they can be a bit overbearing, but they’ll leave me be when I ask them to.”

The boys look nervous. Lily Anne scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“Don’t worry. We can sage the entire place and nothing will bother you. And if something does, tell them to go away and they will.”

They still look scared.

“If I order Nando’s will it calm you all down?” She tries to calm them with basically a bribe in the name of keeping possible friends.

Ben and Gwil nod and Joe and Rami look confused.

“I’ve never had Nando’s,” Rami comments.

“Yeah, me neither,” Joe adds.

“Mate,” Ben says in disbelief before shaking his head. “No. We’re going to order for you then because Nando’s is the best and there’s only one correct order,” Ben explains.

“Of course! The chicken burger,” Lily Anne adds on, expecting Ben to agree with her.

“What? No, it’s the chicken wrap, hands down,” Ben retorts, insulted at the notion that she thinks the chicken burger is better than the chicken wrap.

“Are you insane, mate? It’s the bloody chicken burger. The chicken wrap is good, but it isn’t the best. Gwil, you like Nando’s as well. What do you think?” Lily turns to Gwilym, who backs up slightly under both their stares.

“You know me better,” Ben argues.

“I’m correct, he’s wrong,” Lily retorts. “Gwilym Lee, in the pursuit of truth, I demand that you agree with me.”

“I’ve been working with you for six weeks, mate.” Ben looks up at Gwilym, basically pleading him at this point. “We’re practically brothers at this point.”

Gwil sighs and raises his hands in surrender, sympathetically looking at Ben. “I’m so sorry, Ben. I really am. I love you, but it’s got to be the chicken burger. Lily Anne is right.”

Ben turns away from Gwil, shaking his head as Lily Anne grins.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it!” Lily Anne jumps up to high five Gwil’s hand before looking over at Ben. “I’m sure you’re correct about many other things, but the best food at Nando’s is not one of them. Now let’s go before I starve.”

Everyone heads towards their respective cars, Gwil moving to his own with Lucy, Rami, Aaron, and Allen. The Rolls Royce is only big enough for three people when the overnight bags are added in, since the trunk is too small for four duffel bags. Thus, she can only take two other people: Ben and Joe.

Lily Anne is about to get into her car when she sees that Ben still hasn’t moved. She sighs and walks over, crossing her arms.

“We don’t have all day, darling. Let’s get to the car, okay?” She tries to reason with him, placing a hand on his arm.

“I’m still insulted. All this time, I’ve always thought the chicken wrap was better,” he says, looking down at her with genuine confusion. “What else am I wrong about?”

She takes his hand and holds it, looking up at him. “You’re very cute when you’re upset, but we can’t go down that path, Ben. It only leads to more questions, and we don’t need those right now.”

He’s so cute. Oh lord, he’s the most adorable and simultaneously the hottest man she’s ever met. A true specimen. A one of a kind combination of a great personality, a rocking body, and the cutest puppy dog eyes she ever did see. She must have him.

He nods and makes the poutiest face in the world. “Can I be shotgun and play the music?”

She nods, squeezing his hand. “Of course, darling. Come along, now.”

Joe moves from shotgun to the backseat, and Ben plugs his phone into the AUX cord as Lily Anne starts up the car and begins to exit the parking lot, followed by Gwil.

“What music are we listening to, Ben?” Joe asks, taking a video on his phone.

Ben turns around, shrugging. He’s clearly still upset. “All Dead, All Dead is a good one.”

Lily Anne turns to face him in disgust, shaking her head. “Dear god, no! Just because your taste in Nando’s is trash doesn’t mean that you get to play one of the most depressing Queen songs in the world!”

Ben looks back at her and snaps, pointing a finger at her. “Don’t you dare say that! I have an exceptional taste in Nando’s!”

“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite side to go with your chicken wrap, Ben?” Lily Anne pulls out of the parking lot and onto the gravel road.

“The potato mash!” Ben shoots back, causing Lily Anne to lean her head back and groan.

“Bruv, no! We all know the correct answer is the Portuguese rice!” She wrings her hands in agitation.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Ben looks out the window, shaking his head and dismissively stating, “I’m just going to put on March of the Black Queen.”

Lily softens as suddenly as Ben snapped, resting a hand over her heart. “I love that song! One of my favorites is White Queen, though.”

Ben smiles back at her, the whole Nando’s exchange forgotten for now. “That’s my favorite one! I could listen to it forever.”

Joe posts the video of the exchange to Instagram, with the caption, “How long until @lilyannemercury steals my man?”

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