#no I despise some characters but then I look into them out of morbid curiosity

[ordinaryschmuck]

Why I Love The Owl House-Part One: The Characters

Salutations, random people on the internet who are already skimming past this! I am an Ordinary Schmuck. I write stories and reviews and draw comics and cartoons.

Back in 2018, when The Owl House was announced, I didn't think much of it. I looked at the teaser poster and knew that it would be a show that would gain a following, but I didn't think it'd appeal to me specifically. Then, in January 2020, just before the world made an oopsie, I saw that Disney Channel uploaded the show's first episode on YouTube. Having finished my homework and studying at the time and having nothing better to do, I clicked it out of morbid curiosity to gain a first impression of this series. And I'm not kidding when I say that the second the episode ended, I said, out loud, to myself, "I think I just found my new obsession for the next few years."

Yeah, I went from thinking the show wouldn't exactly be my thing to being obsessed with it. And obsessed I was! I wrote fan fiction and reviews and even drew a handful of fan art you are NOT allowed to look up due to how bad it is. The Owl House, with no exaggeration, also changed my life as it gave me quite a decent following on Tumblr for thoughts and stories I've crafted regarding the show and even gave me a new friend or two to share those same thoughts and ideas together. One of my closest online friends is someone who once reached out to me as a proofreader for a fic I wrote once upon a time, and I probably wouldn't have talked to them if not for The Owl House. I owe so much to this series that I adore that to explain what makes it so great...can't be done with a single review. I even considered writing a long review after Season One ended but gave up on the idea after realizing there's so much to talk and praise about the series. And that was with Season ONE! That was before Season Two made the show more spectacular in nearly every conceivable way!

So, yeah, we're gonna have to do this in parts, each dedicated to a specific theme. However, before we discuss THIS review's theme, I should get one thing out of the way: I'm not just going to praise The Owl House in every single review. There are problems to be had with the show, and I can't ignore them because the praises are stronger. I love The Owl House. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't. But it's because I love it that I have to point out problems as they come because to truly love something means to take the bad with the good. And while there's a lot of good, there's still some bad worth mentioning.

With that said, let's finally begin by discussing the backbone of any series: The characters. And BOY, does The Owl House have a LOT of great, well-written characters, to the point where I initially considered that there wasn't a bad one in the bunch...I say initially because I finally woke up to how much I despise Tibbles (Yeah, wait until we get to him). Although, know that while discussing characters, we're not talking about one-offs like Bria and her lackeys in "Through the Looking Glass Ruins" or ones who weren't named in the show, like Amelia and Cat. We're focusing strictly on frequent players and fun side characters that nail the short time they appear. And we're also going in order from my least favorite to my most favorite. And just know that this is in order based on how good they are as CHARACTERS and not as PEOPLE. There’s a difference, and I’ll be able to explain as I go.

Now, without further ado, let's begin this wild journey together with the worst character in the series.

(Also, be warned, this is going to be the LONGEST post you’ll ever read. The Google Doc is 33 pages long…)

Tibbles: Yeah, really no contest here.

Tibbles is, quite frankly, the only character that I consider inadequate. I get the idea the writers were going for: He's a secondary antagonist for lighter adventures amongst heavier ones. The problem is that type of character does not function for a show like The Owl House, a series where the writers were told they'd be cut for time while working on Season Two and having little time for lighter tales. Maybe if the show had enough room for twenty more adventures or if The Owl House had a slight lean toward episodic misadventures like Amphibia, Tibbles might have functioned better as a comedic villain that occasionally screws with the main characters for filler. But because The Owl House has so much to do and would eventually become a series with no time to do it, Tibbles becomes more annoying when he distracts from the plot. Fortunately, he's only in three episodes. Unfortunately, Tibbles never becomes as entertaining as he could have been. He has one good capitalism joke, and that's all the good I can say about Tibbles. Let's move on…

Jacob: Another secondary antagonist that would have worked better if the show had more time. Maybe make him a constant threat (read: annoyance) to Vee or the rest of the Hexsquad while they're stuck on Earth. Instead, he's nothing more than a one-and-done threat who makes a singular cameo in the best episode of the series ("Thanks to Them"). At least Jacob being a crackpot conspiracy theorist is kind of funny. Otherwise, he'd be lower than Tibbles.

Perry Porter: He has next to NO character. Barely even a scrap.

He’s the father of one of our primary characters, and Perry has NOTHING going for him other than that and being a reporter. At least he’s not annoying.

The BATs: Yeah, might as well lump these three together because they started off making you think they'd do SOMETHING, only to have very little to do with the plot, with only one of them having a definite personality (It's Amber, and I love her).

Katya's kind of fun as this weird fanfic writer who has a hint of appreciation of showmanship, given how she very clearly wrote Raine's speech. But then you also have Derwin, who's so forgettable that I know for a fact that you had to Google his name to remember who Derwin is. These three are a mixed bag of sometimes being fun yet forgettable, to the point where I don't blame the writers for forgetting their existence when it came to the rest of the series. A shame, really, because there could have been something interesting to explore with this secret resistance organized by Eda's ex. The problem is, just like Tibbles, there's not enough time for characters like the BATs to flourish. They're missed potential, sure, but that doesn't make them bad. Just less than remarkable members of this very extensive cast.

Gilbert and Harvey Park: Have slightly more personality than Perry with Gilbert having more of a playful and laidback side to him and Harvey being the more serious and worried of the two. You can see glimpses of this through the little details like Willow falling onto Gilbert in that swinging memory in “Understanding Willow.” Gilbert laughs with Willow while Harvey looks a little worried. That’s sweet. They balance each other out.

Also, they’re gay, and gay characters are always better. It’s why they’re a step above the BATs. NEXT!

Warden Wrath: He has the same problem with Tibbles and Jacob, where Warden Wrath is a secondary antagonist in a show that doesn't really have the time for him to be as effective as he COULD be. What makes him BETTER is that Wrath is at least funny. Like, the man chopped off Eda's head and then asked her out. That's humor, baby.

Also, he's a good dad to Braxus, so...you know.

Though I will admit, I'm surprised how little a role Wrath played in the show. In "A Lying Witch and a Warden," he gave off main antagonist energy with his look and menacing demeanor. Turns out he's just a throwaway character, and that's for the best. He doesn't overstay his welcome, never distracts from the plot, and has a few hilarious lines and moments. Not the strongest threat or character, but decent's good enough for me.

Kikimora: I might be the only person who doesn't hate this little gremlin, and even I have to admit she's not that great.

Don't get me wrong, I adore how insane she acts and how obsessive she can be in wanting to beat Hunter, specifically. She has a lot of fun moments and, weirdly, looks adorable when not wearing a cone of shame. She has her fun moments...but fun enough to be a recurring antagonist throughout the series? To the point where the characters have boss fights with her in three prominent episodes?

I...don't think so. I like Kiki just fine, but only in spades. Her voice can get grading after a while, and you do get sick of her obsession with the Emperor's coven given time. She's at least funnier than Wrath, though. I will ALWAYS stand by that. But that's not enough to get her higher.

Adrian Graye: He's yet another secondary antagonist that would have benefited from more time...I'm noticing a theme here.

Eh. Either way, this guy's great. His whole schtick is being a bad and nitpicky director, and that's funny to me. It's what I would expect from the head of the Illusions Coven, who are witches best defined as ones with a sense of showmanship. Some might find Adrian annoying, which...yeah, he's kind of intended to be. But I get it. Not everyone would laugh at this guy as much as I do, and that's okay. Comedy is subjective, after all. My only complaint with Adrian is that we don't see more of him. He's too fun of a villain with an equally entertaining concept to be wasted as a one-and-done antagonist that resorted to only cameos in the future. Still, if the worst I can say about a character is that I want more of them, is that actually a problem?

Tinella Nosa: Also known as Dana Terrace's self-insert. She's used primarily for comedy, and thank goodness for that. I don't know if I would have appreciated this character as much as I did if Tinella was best friends with the main cast or had some stake in the plot. In fact, the one plot and subplot that feature Tinella in a prominent role was some of the worst the show has ever had. Thankfully, she's mostly a character for random comedic bits, and I really wouldn’t have it any other way.

Barcus: Another character whose primary purpose is to be funny. At least Barcus is a dog that radiates stoner energy, giving him a ton more bonus points.

Braxxus: ALSO a comedic character, but is only better because the joke's funnier. I mean, Braxxus is just a character who's a little toddler that looks and sounds disturbing. How can you NOT laugh at that?

Eberwolf The Huntsman: Quick aside: Was anyone going to tell me that Eberwolf was apparently a man, or was I supposed to find that out for myself? I mean, shame on me for assuming genders, I guess...But I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one on that.

Anyways, Eberwolf is fine. In the short time he's in the show, Eberwolf offers great humor by being this feral little rascal that primarily annoys Darius. Not much to say other than that, and I doubt having more time would benefit Eberwolf. He really does scream "Comedy Relief" to me, and sometimes being entertaining is enough. Not everyone needs depth.

Boscha: Speaking of depth, I will forever stand by my claim that Boscha worked better as a one-dimensional bully than a three-dimensional one. Sure, three-dimensional bullies can be interesting because it leads to us learning why they do their harsh acts and that there are reasons why they're bad kids...However, that's why we have Amity. And for a redeemable bully like HER to work, you need an irredeemable one to show up to prove that not every little s**t can be better with time. Some are just sadists for no reason. And that's where Boscha comes in as a bully that knows full well she's hurting people but doesn't care because her only justification is that they deserve it. Why? Because Boscha believes she's better than them. That inflated ego makes her the perfect mirror of what Amity could have been and causes Boscha to be the best rival to Willow. Willow starts off with confidence issues, where even though she gains more of a boost thanks to her friends, there's still lingering self-doubt in the back of her brain. Boscha lacks that. She may do some affirmations to her reflection, similar to what Willow does in "Any Sport in a Storm," but while Willow briefly second guesses herself, Boscha says every word as if she knows its universal truth. So when these two go up against each other, it's great because it allows Willow to prove that she IS the best while proving that Boscha's the worst. It was perfect, and it's why I had no issues with Boscha remaining one-dimensional...But then the writers had to SCREW IT ALL UP!

Now, don't get me wrong. Revealing that Boscha had codependency issues with Amity and Boscha's other friends is interesting. There's just one problem: They introduce this idea in the second to last episode of the series. There's next to no time to fully flesh it out, leaving Boscha with a character arc that feels both forced and rushed. It might have been better if this idea had been established from the beginning instead of using most of that time writing Boscha as a one-dimensional bully with no depth to her. I still say she's entertaining, but maybe the writers tried TOO HARD with her.

Matt Holomule: But sometimes, it's better to try for a character that used to be the most universally hated.

How in the hell did I go from hating this little stink rat to being genuinely entertained by him? He's not my favorite or anything, but, like...compare Matt's first appearance with his last. He was an insufferable little prick who caused problems for Luz and Gus all because Matt wanted power and drama. That's it. Just those two things: Power and drama. Yeah, those are not great motivations for a character.

In fairness, it was clear we were supposed to hate Matt, and humor comes from watching him fail miserably. The problem is that he didn't do it enough, and while I'll laugh at the little stink nugget getting messed up at the end of "Something Ventured, Someone Framed," Matt still won by the end of the day, getting everything he wanted. He just got a little messed up along the way, is all. So while the idea is there, it's not strong enough to make the character entertaining.

But then the writers decided, "Hey since we're not going to try with Boscha, let's try SOMETHING with Matt." And it worked! "Through the Looking Glass Ruins" showed why Matt was such an insufferable, slimy weasel because he attended a school where the more powerful received more respect. Matt never got that in his old school, so he tried again in his new school, looking for power and drama because it's all he knows. Then by "For the Future," not only is the guy actually competent, but he's hilarious through false bravado and not being smart enough to know that he's been crushing on a robot. It's a huge improvement...but only from a character that makes three primary appearances and sucks with one of them. A character who's decent two-thirds of the time isn't too bad, but that still doesn't make him high up on my list, where characters are better for far more than that.

Viney: Or a character that has a better vibe despite...barely having anything to work with.

Viney...is insane. She dumps friends over the tiniest of misunderstandings and uses her griffin as an assistant for everything. She's clearly not well in the head...and that's what makes her entertaining.

Vine is a looney nut who might be unaware of her crazy actions. It's good fun, but the problem is that there's not enough of it. Like Matt, Viney has very few prominent moments in the series, and you can tell she's not as entertaining as she could have been. If the writers went all the way with her insanity or made her a character that's the textbook definition of "zero chill," you can bet Viney would be one of my favorite characters. As is, her craziness is only...a scrap of what could have been a great personality. I like her, don't love her.

Jerbo: Jerbo's higher because he has more of a well-defined personality. And he wasn't instantly unlikable, so...

And that really is all there is to say about Jerbo. He's fun as a fearful boy down on his luck and has a bit of intrigue with how he wanted to change the coven system forever. And he does, which is honestly pretty cool. Still, not a lot to make him higher.

Owlbert: Hey, look! It's a character that had a ton of prominent appearances in Season One and was all but forgotten in every season after!

This is a shame because Owlbert is one of the two palisman in the series that feels like a genuine character. The others are cute (my favorite is a tie between Ghost and Stringbean), but Owlbert, for a few episodes, felt like a prominent member of the cast with his loyalty to Eda and the connection formed with Luz. In fact, he and Luz had such a great connection that, for a while there, I assumed the show would do a thing where Eda passed down Owlbert to Luz as a form of passing the torch from the master teacher to the master student. But that didn't happen, which I can be fine with because Stringbean's perfect, and I will not hear any argument about it.

Still, it's weird how Owlbert showed up a fair amount of times in Season One, even having an entire episode dedicated to him, only to be forgotten and discarded by the time Season Two rolled around. And I know someone who'll be mad about that.

Bat Queen: And she's a character that had her own kind of potential only to be forgotten in Season Two. Only in this case, I'm willing to be more forgiving toward Bat Queen. It sucks that we'll never fully know who her owner is, but that always felt like a minor story beat for someone who wasn't that major of a character. Or, at least, someone who never had TIME to be a major character. The Bat Queen had intrigue as a discarded palisman who dedicated her life to looking after abandoned ones, but someone like her doesn't really have a place in the grander story of the show. Plenty of characters in the series have good reasons to have their stories continue or their personalities develop, whether having close ties with a main character or having a narrative purpose. Bat Queen doesn't really have either of those things, so it's why I'm not someone who’s losing sleep at night just because she has this engaging backstory brought forth but never followed up on. I'd still like to see it, but I always knew that after hearing Disney shortened the show, it was always going to be the Bat Queen's story that would fall on the cutting room floor. Missed potential for sure, but at least we had an interesting character for a short while.

Odalia Blight: And the winner for the worst mother of the year goes to--Yeah, I know. An easy joke to make. But I can't help it! It's always served on a silver platter!

Anyways, Odalia's the worst. Yet that's what makes her the best, funnily enough. She's the most snobbish snob that's ever snobbed while having zero respect for other people, least of all her family. You hate her with every fiber of your being, and you cannot wait to see her fail miserably despite trying so hard to reach the top. And Odalia absolutely is a character one loves to hate. She called Amity and her friends into the office and soon scolded Amity for not being in class. It is a challenge to make someone that kind of entertainingly despicable, yet the writers nailed it. However, they might have worked too hard to make us hate Odalia and not enough to deliver her just desserts.

I have no problems with Odalia being an awful mother, wife, and overall person throughout the show. I figured it was only a matter of time before she got hit in the face with SOME karma that would make it all worth it. Sure, it was nice to see her bend to the whim of a literal god that craved pizza bagels, and I do love that Belos, who values life less than her, didn't even want to use Odalia as his meat puppet. Still, she deserved worse. After everything Odalia did and the bridges she burned, it would have been nice to see either Amity or Camila knock her lights out for being a terrible mother. Hell, we even saw Kikimora doing community service and grunt work after her crimes, so it would be fitting to see Odalia right there with her. Or giving her SOME punishment other than making the last time we see her being Odalia standing off to the side and acting like she doesn't care that she lost everything. And that...doesn't feel right. After everything Odalia's done, we, the audience, and her family, deserve to see Odalia receive the worst punishment she had coming to her. Maybe not death or even going to jail. But SOMETHING is better than nothing. She was entertaining, but being so goes only so far without a proper failure.

...But at least she's hot. I know that's out of left field...but we all know it's true...Camila's still hotter, though.

Gwen Clawthorne: ...At least she's a better mother than Odalia?

Alright, I might be the only person who doesn't hate Gwen like others in the fandom, just like with Kikimora. But unlike Kiki, Gwen has much more to like...at least to me. Yeah, her falling for scams isn't great, and realizing the error of her ways could have been done better if not...quickly paced, but I don't mind her. Upon her introduction, it's clear that Gwen wants to try and help Eda with a vile curse. She may have been a bit hostile with her wording, but we soon learn that the curse not only turns Eda into a savage beast but one that clawed Gwen's husband's eye out and ruined the family business that's been around for generations. You can't really blame Gwen for being...agitated about the curse. Or wanting to try anything and everything to cure it. Yes, Eda's curse is often used as an allegory for a chronic illness. And a pretty decent one at that. But sometimes, with a story, you have to remove the allegory from what's shown, and doing so helps you gain more of a perspective for why Gwen reacted the way that she did. Was it right? Well...Not really. I guess she could have seen sooner that she should have been there for Eda instead of scaring her off, not to mention the damage Gwen caused in her debut appearance, but Gwen was at least quick enough to come around and realize what she did was wrong, and APOLOGIZE. Most parents like her won't be that easy, obviously, but another thing about fiction is that you have to realize that it's...fiction. Not everything equates to real life, and you should accept a character's choices and actions if it suits the story. Not many kids can do that, sure, and that's where the hesitation fits, but I think Gwen's kind enough to prove that she's worth believing in. She still spent years trying to help Eda, even if it was misguided, and was ready to kill the guys scamming her. Gwen is not a bad person. Her heart's mostly in the right place despite the troubles she caused, and I'm willing to bet she learned her lesson in the end. Just listen to her speech to Eda (and a little to Lilith) near the end of the episode. That's a mother's imperfect love if you ask me.

Masha: Admittingly, there's not much to them. Masha's a solid character. They have tidbits of personality as someone who's into the grim and horrifying but has a good sense of humor about things when they laugh off reading Vee an accurate fortune by saying she needed bath bombs or humorously sum up Belos' backstory about him being upset that his brother got a hot witch girlfriend. Plus, there's the genuine representation of having Masha be non-binary but still comfortable dressing and looking feminine. From what I've learned, being non-binary doesn't mean sticking to a gender-neutral style. Some like to look feminine, while others are fine appearing masculine, and it's cool for The Owl House to represent that through Masha. I only wish there was more about them. I could go on and on about most of these characters, but for Masha, there's not enough to go off of. It really is the good vibes and representation carrying them, but that's not much to complain about if you ask me.

Skara: SKARA IS THE BEST GIRL!

What's that? She barely has much of a consistent personality and is an over-glorified background character, if anything else? Well, too bad, because she's the best girl.

Honestly, I don't know why I love Skara so much. She hardly has any character to her, but something about her is just so gosh darn endearing. I'm telling you, sometimes a character can be entertaining by having a good vibe alone.

Steve: THIS MOTHER F**KER, however, had NO RIGHT being as entertaining as he was! Nor how popular!

Steve. F**king STEVE! All he had was one or two lines in a less-than-stellar episode, yet the fandom ADORED this mother f**ker! And, yeah, they were funny lines, but not "OMG, best character EVAH" levels of funny! But sure enough, people loved him! So the writers brought him back, and gosh dang it, he's so endearing! He's the most chill and reasonable character in the entire show! He gave King insight into who he was in one of the biggest character moments in the series! He's...NOT the golden god that I think people were picturing him as under that mask, but DAMN, is he still a handsome fella! He's so great, that I honestly wish he was in the show MORE! Gosh, DANG IT!

"If you love him so much, why are you acting angry about it?"

Because it's FUNNY!

"No, it isn't."

Yes, it is! Moving on!

Terra Snapdragon: Finally! Some good frickin' secondary antagonist!

Terra is why I hoped the series would dive deep into the other covenheads, primarily the clearly evil ones. This woman radiated supervillain energy as someone who seemed super sweet but would kill you with zero hesitation. And we learn in the flashback episode that Terra was somehow more bloodthirsty, having zero care for the lives of others, least of all children. The woman was despicable, and it was a treat seeing her return when she did. And, unlike Odalia, Terra had a proper amount of punishment. Sure, it sucks that she slinks away in the finale, but her forced to play pretend with the Collector while in an outfit that...did not work on her is pretty decent karma for someone who saw others as below her. Plus, she at least turned into a puppet for being too big of a big mouth, which is more than what Odalia got. I'd prefer if Terra had MORE punishment, but who knows? Maybe she went to jail or...tripped and snapped her spine off-screen.

If anything, my only complaint was that Terra wasn't in the series more. Make HER the main threat in "For the Future" instead of Kikimora and Boscha. THAT would have been fun. Regardless, she's entertaining enough as is, even if more screen time would have made her better.

Principal Bump: This man deserved more love...He said, while still leaving Bump below several characters.

For real, though, Bump deserves more credit, even from me. He's the school principal in a children's animated series, but instead of making him the demonic, overbearing dictator, the writers made him...the exact opposite. If anything, Principal Faust is more of what I would expect as a cold, careless, and horrifying hater of fun and children. Thankfully, that's not Bump. The man may be strict and have no problems throwing a kid into a detention pit, but he still cares about the safety and well-being of his students. Hell, he loves his students. Even with trouble-makers like Luz, Gus, and Willow, Bump can't help but cry because he has fond memories about the three of them and the trouble they caused. And while he can be dead-set in some ways, Bump is still willing to admit when he made a mistake and chooses to correct it, like in "The First Day" by letting the Detention Kids pick multiple tracks to study from. He's kind and reasonable, and that's what's to love about him. Plus, Bump's got some Grade-A snark on him. Some of the show's funniest and most quotable lines come from his dry remarks, and it's partially why he's bumped (ha) up so high. As I said, Bump deserves more love...It's just unfortunate that there are more entertaining characters than him.

Lilith Clawthorne: Admittedly, Lilith would not be up this high if she remained the person she was in Season One. Back then, Lilith wasn't the worst. She functioned nicely as a foil to Eda's wild side and had a great design for a secondary antagonist. The problem is that Lilith was a little boring, her motivations weren't made clear until the finale for the sake of a twist, and that same twist REALLY hurt her character...for about a week until everyone was quick to forgive and forget after a poorly paced redemption. And that's another fault of Lilith: Her redemption. She cursed Eda, ruined the family, ostracized Eda from society, hunted her down for YEARS because of blind faith in a man playing her like the cheap-ass kazoo that she was, and it all got wiped away almost instantly. Granted, there is one asterisk to this: It was all an accident...Sort of. 

Lilith did mean to curse Eda but didn't intend for it to last as long as it did. And you at least get a sense that Lilith feels some remorse for doing so, even stopping their first duel together the second Eda brought up the curse. The problem is that she doesn't feel enough, still treating Eda as lesser than her despite the two of them being close and Lilith supposedly feeling guilty about cursing her. And, again, it feels like everything got resolved too quickly. I accepted everyone is quick to say, "Everything's good for now" in "Young Blood, Old Souls," but only because I expected Lilith to get dragged through the coals in Season Two. But she didn't. She was quickly treated as one of the gang, and Eda did nothing but jokingly remind Lilith that she cursed her. You do that after years of getting over something, not after a week. So, as a redeemable antagonist, Lilith might as well get a C-...Thank goodness she became an entertaining character, regardless of that.

By Season Two, Lilith becomes an almost different character. Better yet, she becomes what I wanted Viney to be: Bats**t insane. Lilith is violent enough to tell Philip that he better be digging his own grave and punches him in the face without hesitation, ecstatic about banisters and having barnacles on her head, and willing to devote her whole life to an eight-year-old and perform blood sacrifices in his honor. The woman lost her mind, and I was all there for it. Even then, though, she still had a bit of intelligence, being hesitant to trust Philip after seeing some similarities to Belos and studious enough to figure out glyph combos herself. It's just that now because there are fewer worries and fears about keeping an image and being the best, Lilith can let go of inhibitions and go nuts. Her redemption could have used a lot more polish, but being so dang entertaining in Season Two is what made Lilith a character I couldn't care about to one I was excited to see when I could.

Alador Blight: Wish I could say the same about this guy...

I think I love the idea of Alador much more than his execution. Upon his introduction, he's presented as the lesser of two evils between him and Odalia, with Alador being easier to talk to without threatening to kill anybody and trying to find compromises that could stow Odalia's fire when she becomes unreasonably angry. Initially, one could assume that he's on the same agenda as hers, only to later find out that Alador's being mistreated too, with Odalia working him to exhaustion, too tired to even notice his children's problems half the time because he's too busy working for Odalia to the point where he never even took a sick day. In Season Two, this lines up with a lot of his behavior. It's why he acts so scatterbrained and unsure of what to do in most appearances. Or the way he tries to tell Odalia they've demonstrated enough with the Abomiton and how he forces a compromise by making Odalia stick to her word and sneakily tell her that being with friends makes Amity stronger, and how he promises to Amity to let Odalia back down in "Reaching Out." If you look solely at how he acts in Season Two, I believe it's pretty decent character work/development, showing a man who loves his kids but can't be the father he wants and needs to be because of his overbearing wife...However, there is ONE moment that spoils everything.

Yeah, that one. This is the scene that everyone points back to when discussing Alador's change of heart and whether or not he earns Amity's love despite it. He's very clearly on Odalia's side in this argument, being just as cold as her. Some argued that because this memory came from Amity as a kid, she might misremember the details and misconstrued how Alador acted that day. Even his silhouette seems different from how he looks in the present, and I was willing to agree because I remember days when my parents got a LITTLE mad, and it was the scariest thing in the world. However, not only would you be surprised how more traumatic experiences stick with kids, but the show makes it very clear that memories inside one's mind recreate things to the exact detail. Sure, there's the fact that it's Amity's recollection in Willow's brain, which, as far as we know, isn't as perfect as a picture. But The Owl House never explicitly establishes how weak a witch's memory could be while already inside a memory. It's a very weird distinction to make but necessary to prove that Amity's memory isn't as exact as it looks. Although, if you want explanations, I have some of my own. One realistic, another analytical, and one argumentive.

Realistically...this is a retcon. The writers had a new idea of what to do with Alador and realized, too late, that they had to make changes to his character for it to work. Changes that go beyond a scene where all we see is his silhouette. And when a retcon's made, it's sort of a team effort between the writers and the fans to explain how it works, with the writers providing the information and the fans analyzing previous scenes to see how it holds up. And after writing about how he's under Odalia's abuse and manipulation, here's where the analysis comes in.

Alador works so much and dismisses his kids because, if he doesn't, Odalia will have the kids do work for him. Not wanting to let them go through what he does, Alador reluctantly goes along with what she demands, only getting her to back down when he sees an opportunity, like in "Escaping Expulsion." Unfortunately, just like that episode, he's still on her side most of the time, doing what she wants and saying what SHE thinks is right even if he probably doesn't want to. Because if he doesn't, he and his kids are in WORSE trouble. That day, when Alador scolded Amity, might be a day when he felt like there was no other choice because Odalia left no room to back down and was forced to do and say what she wanted.

Plus--and here's where I get argumentive--We forgave this:

Granted, there are some arguments against this as well, one I'll get to when talking about Amity. For now, I will say there are three reasons why we're willing to forgive Amity: One is that she's a kid. People are more willing to forgive a child's behavior because they can outgrow it and become better. People have this idea that adults can't do the same thing, that they should already know better...even though adults rarely do, and they could live up to seventy while still unaware of how their behavior is wrong. Number two is that we spend more time with Amity, learning how much she regrets her actions and proving how she'll work hard to be a better person despite them. We can't have that with Alador because the show has to do so much and has very little time to do it. Some corners can be cut, and Alador was one of them. Thirdly, and this is the one I can't argue against, people understand Amity's plight because they WERE Amity. They've had experience with neglectful and abusive parents, and that experience beats any argument a person has. It doesn't matter if you, me, or anyone else argues that Alador isn't badly written. THOSE people, the ones who had an Alador of their own, will always feel uncomfortable by how the writers made him because those people know not every parent is like him, and they don't want kids thinking THEIR parents are the same. I mean it when I say I can't argue against that because that's a fair reason to not like a character.

Personally, I like Alador enough. At least, I like the idea he represents. It's good to show that parents can be mistreated too, especially a father because not enough people take men getting abused in a relationship as seriously as women do. The execution is a little sloppy because of that one scene in Season One, but it doesn't bother me. It DOES, however, bother others, and for reasons I can't help but sympathize. I won't call Alador a bad character, but I won't stop others from disagreeing. But at least his kids are great (and, yeah, we’ll get to them).

Dell Clawthorne: Dell's kind of both a symbol and a character.

Symbolically, he's the physical representation of Eda's biggest regret. She blinded and crippled her father, ruining the family business in the process. But the sad part is that none of it was her fault. Yet Eda still blames herself, not even wanting to go and SEE Dell because the pain of knowing what she did to him is too great. He proves that Eda can turn into what she is afraid of becoming. Something that we see in her nightmare in "Watching and Dreaming." Something that no one wants to be: A monster. A monster that doesn't deserve forgiveness or love. A monster that should be locked away for the safety of the ones she loves. But the crazy thing is that Dell DOES love Eda. He DOES forgive her.

Dell has every right to be angry. He lost his eye and his job. Who wouldn't be angry after that? And maybe he was for a bit, but I doubt he was ever angry with Eda, let alone resent her for it. Instead, after years of her running away and never wanting to talk to him again, Dell only wanted to see his daughter again. His scene with Eda in "Elsewhere and Elsewhen," where he clarifies that what happened was tragic but still loves Eda despite it, is one of my favorite interactions between two characters in The Owl House. And trust me, that's a hefty list to get on.

Dell's time on the show wasn't long, but what he does gives a lot of substance to the show for a guy who probably has less than five minutes of screen time (I don't know, I didn't do the math). Maybe he could have offered more, but I'm glad with what we still got.

The Titan: The same goes for this fluffy individual. We only knew them for a short amount of time, but holy hell, did the Titan make the most of it. Even though, technically speaking, we knew them the whole time.

I don't think I've seen a show where the setting happens to be an essential character in the plot. I'm pretty sure everyone assumed the Titan was a corpse that our characters had adventures on, and that's it. Any idea that they were a being that could talk to others could get shot down because the only person to "talk" to the Titan was Belos. And with him being the serial liar that he was, any fan could assume that even talking to the Titan was impossible, and meeting them was even more so. Turns out it wasn't.

And the Titan, the powerful being whose corpse is big enough to form a landmass, also turns out to be a chilled-out individual. There are brief moments of seriousness and even nobility in their final moments, but for the most part, the Titan is just a laid-back, jovial person. Personally, I'm into god-like beings that are like that. Not one that's wrathful or vengeful, but kind and acts like someone you could, I don't know, have a beer with. Not that I drink beer, but...you know.

Granted, the Titan WAS a bit wrathful with how they treated the Collector, but they clearly feel bad about it after finally realizing the Collector meant no harm, and it was the Collector's SIBLINGS who did the dirty work. The Titan admitted to making a mistake, making them both a kind god and a humble one. It amazes me how much characterization was given to the Titan in how little time they were officially introduced in the show. There are characters who are better after having more time, but there are also ones who might just be worse. So I appreciate that they made the Titan so top-tier, even if making them nothing more than the Isles, and the show's setting, would have been more than enough.

Emira Blight: I will forever be grateful for the course correction that the writers took with Edric and Emira, not only making them great supporting characters instead of semi-antagonists like in "Lost in Language" but also giving them their own personalities that help them stand out instead of being exact copies like most twins in media. Unfortunately, Emira might be the least interesting Blight sibling.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN BAD! Just because Amity's more engaging and Edric's more entertaining, that doesn't make Emira a horrible character because of it. It just means that, comparatively, she's not as high as her siblings. With that said, Emira's still pretty fantastic as the only Blight with a functioning brain cell. She calls Edric out for his occasional stupidity, gives proper advice to Amity when she's freaking out, and has her thoughts together because Emira didn't work herself to exhaustion. It also makes sense why Emira's a healer. She's there to keep her family physically and emotionally safe, making sure Edric doesn't hurt himself or counseling Amity when things are too overwhelming. Not only is Emira the most sensible, but it might make her the glue that keeps the family together. But despite that, she's still playful, still mischievous. Except, unlike her brother, there's a more controlled intelligence behind the fun and games Emira pulls. It's a bit more subtle, but it's there. So, while she might be the weakest Blight sibling in terms of story value, Emira is still a great character in her own right, being a fun yet essential family member with that perfect older sister energy...Mainly because she's the older sister, but my point still stands!

Edric Blight: Ah, the one Blight sibling that proves how most of the brains went to Amity and Emira while he got only the scraps.

Edric is not smart. And that very fact leads to two kinds of entertainment. Firstly, it's funny seeing his dumbass stumble through life. He tried to eat snow, attempted to keep a wild bat as a pet, couldn't pick up a hint to save his life, and ended up in a full-body cast after a reckless rescue mission. The poor boy is a riot because of how dumb he acts, which leads to the second thing entertaining about Edric: He's aware of his lack of smarts and how others see him as "The Dumb One." It causes Edric to be a little insecure about his talents, despite having great knowledge of Beast Keeping and decent skills with Potions. It's as if the writers saw the fans' preconceptions about Edric and decided to do something with it. Unfortunately, they only did it for one episode because we're strapped for time, but that brief instant of character insight is what's to love about this show. We have so many characters to use and so little time that instances like Edric helping Eda and King make a potion is enough to be considered great character development for someone who could have easily been "The Dumb One" and nothing more. He was funny enough with that simple character trait, but one tends to appreciate when a show goes the extra mile, even if it's for one episode only.

Hooty: Oh, Hooty. Sweet, dearest Hootcifer.

At first, I did not like you. You were an annoying addition as comic relief, whose screechy voice only made me hate you more. But then something interesting happened. As time went on, you became less annoying and more endearing by nature. Having an eagerness to please others mixed with a constant ignorance of social cues made you quite humorous. Yes, quite humorous indeed. The laughs brought forth by things you have done and said were plentiful, and I was delighted by each appearance you've made.

And best of all, dearest Hootcifer, you've made Luz and Amity a canonical couple. In an episode that will be nearest and dearest to many fans' hearts, you have not only brought out beautiful development between King and Eda but also managed the most adorable display of young love to occur. A young love between two girls, no less, meaning this moment of spectacular representation for the LGBTQA+ community is all thanks to you, a character best described as a "bird worm." That is both mildly hilarious as well as incredible.

Unfortunately, dearest Hootcifer, your time on the show was not perfect. Whilst Season Two was you at your best, it took all of Season One for me and others to warm up to you. And by Season Three, with every other characters taking story prominence, there was nary any time for you, Hootcifer, to add anything of value. You hardly had any lines, nor did you manage to have any final words in the series finale. Other characters in the series had faced this injustice too, but it is extra ludicrous for you, Hootcifer. You were there since that very first episode, becoming the fourth member of the Owl House family. To think that your last line was only in the second to last episode, despite how much of an impact you've left on the others and the fans, it pains me that you were one of the few cheated out the most with that final season.

Regardless, despite everything, Hootcifer, you are a well-done character with humor and heart. Tis no wonder that the show is named after you, for you are worthy of such an honor.

...In short, Hooty is funny, endearing, and surprisingly grows on you. I have...no idea why I gave that sentiment across in such a fancy way, but oh well.

(He deserves it anyways)

Flapjack: *Sigh* Another loving bird...

Just like Owlbert, Flapjack's the only palisman with enough prominence in the series to feel like a character, but unlike Owlbert, the writers actually explore more with Flapjack. But that may be because his story is tragic.

It is heavily hinted that Flapjack is Evelyn's palisman, who also lured Caleb into the Boiling Isles and indirectly sparked DECADES worth of...bad stuff. And within that time, Flapjack lost an eye and an owner and spent so much of his life alone. That is until he met Luz...who then introduced Flapjack to Hunter.

It really was a solid expectation subversion that Flapjack chose Hunter as an owner. He had a kind and playful energy that matched Luz perfectly, but no. He wanted Hunter, possibly because he looked so much like Caleb. And not wanting to lose another Caleb, Flapjack seemed to make it his number one goal to help Hunter in every way possible. That's when it hits you why Flapjack is perfect for Hunter: He's what Hunter NEEDS. Flapjack may have worked well with Luz, but Hunter needed him more than she did. Hunter was all alone for most of his life and went through so much emotional and mental stress in his unfortunate existence. Then here comes Flapjack, cheerfully supporting Hunter in his interests and literally pulling him to people who will make him happy. Flapjack's basically a therapy bird if I've ever seen one. And it really was nice seeing the majority of the time he's spent in the series be dedicated to making someone else happy...because it makes his death all the more tragic.

All Flapjack wanted was to make Hunter happy, ignoring the fact for so long that being near Hunter was the biggest risk that Flapjack could have ever taken. The second Belos might see Flapjack, he'd be as good as dead due to Belos' need to feed off the souls of palismens and because of Belos' hatred for everything that Flapjack represents. Yet Flapjack still stuck it out and stayed by Hunter's side despite these risks. His death was all but inevitable, but it hurt all the same because while we knew, deep down, it would happen, we didn't WANT it to happen. But it did, and it stings that a bird that wanted to do nothing but good only paid a horrible price for his kindness. On the bright side, Flapjack died doing the one thing he did best: Helping Hunter. No, SAVING Hunter.

Flapjack was loyal to the end, and we all love him for it. And miss him all the same.

Darius Deamonne: Hey, look! It's another character that's important to Hunter! And this one is FABULOUS!

I'll forever be blown away by the expectation subversion the writers did with Darius. Upon his introduction, you think he would be this menacing secondary antagonist the characters would have to fight through in a final battle against Belos. That was definitely the vibe I got from the guy, with how menacing he acted and how he looked in his abomination form. Turns out, most of that was an act...Most of it. I'm willing to bet that he really was ticked off by whoever was screwing with him, and his annoyance was real with Ebberwolf. But by using what we NOW know, it's clear that Darius was playing SOME of his behavior up to make it convincing enough that he's on the Emperor's side in case any ears are listening in. Belos does have eyes and ears everywhere, after all...somehow. Plus, it makes the reveal that Darius is on the side of good all the more pleasant of a surprise. He's certainly less menacing, but not as a fault. Darius still has the same snark and agitation towards people who are more, let's say, foolish than him, just as Darius did in his first appearance. It's just that now he's more subdued because he's surrounded by people who Darius doesn't need to scare. Even when dealing with the Emerald Entrails, Darius acted cold but reasonable. And when actually TRYING to scare the kids, you can argue he wanted to further scare them away from joining the Emperor's Coven, showing them what type of person they'd be dealing with.

But the biggest surprise came when he turned out to be a decent father figure for Hunter. Unfortunately, we never get to see him as an actual father, but it's still sweet seeing Darius show Hunter the first amount of respect and care from an adult the poor boy ever got. Darius shows interest in Hunter's interest, respects his decisions, and encourages him to be a kid and not a soldier, likely because Darius knows full well where that leads for the previous Golden Guards. It warms the heart to see how much Darius cares for Hunter, getting worried when he's in danger and feeling joy when he's safe and sound. It's all great...and it SUCKS that Darius is one of the few screwed over in the finale. No final lines, just pure silence...and some shipping fuel between him and Alador. At least there were still moments of Darius showing he cares for Hunter, and they're both happy together. I didn't really expect much from Darius. He was already fun upon his introduction, but having him become this stern yet caring person was such an interesting twist that I can't help but admire more. It's not what I expected, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

Vee Noceda: That IS her last name, and I will hear NO SLANDER ABOUT IT!

...Anyway, Vee's a great character.

I am forever impressed by how great of an, yet another, expectation subversion Vee is. Everyone, including Luz, upon first seeing Vee, saw her as an evil doppelganger trying to steal Luz's life. I still remember the shock and fear I felt when first seeing Vee, worried about what this could mean for Luz and Camila. And then we got to know Vee...and I much prefer the character we got over an evil clone or whatever the popular theory at the time was.

Vee, quite possibly, might have the most tragic life out of everyone in the show. She was born in a cage, was treated as a lab experiment and nothing more, gained a ton of PTSD surrounding rats and cages, and likely never knew the feeling of a warm bed or a good home-cooked meal until meeting Camila. Vee's life was a nightmare before running away to the human realm, and after learning about all that, it makes her finding a home with the Nocedas, being a part of their family, all the sweeter. A friend of mine said that her plan was a LITTLE flawed because Vee didn't know whether or not Luz would return, but in fairness, Vee said that she didn't mean to keep the act up forever, but Camila was nice to her. Vee was operating off of emotions due to getting an inkling of what love feels like, even if Camila's motherly love wasn't for Vee exactly. And with the family she's found and the friends she made in the Human Realm, it's no wonder that she prefers a life there, graduating high school with Luz and having a form for herself to gain an identity of her own. It's amazing how much care and attention the writers put into Vee and her story...Especially since she's basically a minor character.

Yeah, it's crazy to think that a lot of this stuff that happens with Vee is for a character with a substantial role in TWO episodes. Honestly, I wish she had more and could have time to bond with Camila and Luz, showing how much of a happy family she's gained. But, even after "Yesterday's Lie" ended, I already assumed the odds of seeing Vee again in something big were NEVER to become a reality. The shortening of the series, leaving fans with only half a season and three specials, meant that the odds weren't in Vee's favor to grow and develop more than she already did. In a case like that, you have to learn to accept what you HAVE instead of complaining that you didn't get what you WANT. And as for what we have with Vee, it's still good and compelling stuff for a character that makes two appearances. Sure, the potential of a greater character is there for Vee, but for a minor character, she's still really great. Now, if she was a MAIN character, THEN it'd be an issue...Speaking of which.

Gus Porter: Ah, NOW we're getting to the important characters.

Gus is...probably the least interesting out of the main cast. That doesn't make him bad, mind you. I mean, look how far he's come in this list. It's just that, compared to everyone else, Gus felt as if he had less going on. While everyone else was dealing with trauma, family issues, and self-worth, Gus was always kind of...there. The worst part is that there are a lot of hints of there being more to him. He somewhat admits to Hunter in "Thanks to Them" that, while things aren't awful, Gus isn't happy. He missed his dad, and Gus was the first to break down and cry after "King's Tide." There's something there to explore, but because it's a season where so much is going on and there's little time to focus on everybody, Gus, unfortunately, gets the short end of the stick when dealing with HIS trauma. And there's not much going on with his family. There's no discussion of what happened with his mom or any animosity between Gus and his dad. They have a healthy relationship together. Which is appreciative, don't get me wrong. But it's NOTHING compared to Amity's issues with her parents, Eda's strained relationship with her sister and mother, and Luz's difficulty in getting her mom to understand her. The closest bit of intrigue we get with Gus and his dad is how bored and kind of annoyed Gus looked during the Grand Prix in "Eda's Requiem." There could be something to explore there, maybe talk about why Gus went with his dad even though he clearly wasn't having a great time. Unfortunately, this was during a season when the writers were told the series would get cut, and they had to rush to close up as many character arcs as they could before reaching the end, with Gus, again, getting the short end of the stick. Thankfully, the show does something about Gus' self-worth, showing his doubts as an Illusionist and some anxiety about being used by others for personal gain. It's engaging stuff, but it comes at the cost of Gus being overshadowed by an admittedly cute couple and the fandom's favorite white boy.

We definitely get a good amount where I say that Gus is an engaging character, but never enough to stand above the others. And that, right there, is why Gus is the least interesting in the main cast. There are great things about him to explore, but he's never given a chance to truly shine. Thankfully, Gus is still great in a supporting role, acting as the group's cheerleader and hyping them up to do something. Or how he acts as the little brother, having sometimes naive optimism and playfulness compared to everyone else. He's still a smart cookie who knows when to be serious, but it's clear that he's the second or third youngest in the cast, right next to King or the Collector. So, while Gus would have been even better with more time dedicated to him and him alone, that doesn't mean he's any worse of a character because of it. He's still endearing with how supportive he is, even if that makes him less interesting than his friends.

Speaking of which...

Willow Park: Willow...has a similar problem as Gus, but it might be a little worse. Because while Gus has entire subplots in episodes dedicated to him and his issues, Willow has consistently shared the spotlight with other characters throughout the series, where they get a lot of development, and she gets the scraps. To the point where fans talk more about the people Willow has a relationship with instead of Willow. She used to have a friendship with Amity? They latch onto AMITY'S side of things. Hunter's her boyfriend? They latch onto HUNTER'S side of things. In fact, I think people talk more about her BULLY than they do about Willow. Rarely does Willow get any attention in the fanbase and even in the series, which is a shame because she IS a solid character.

Willow's your typical shy girl who learns to gain more confidence. Only this one has more of a violent edge and seems more than capable of killing someone for hurting her but doesn't due to her self-confidence issues. Plus, instead of stretching out those issues throughout the entire series, Willow gains more confidence at the end of Season One. An annoying thing about shy girls is that they remain progressively so, getting better through inches instead of miles. With Willow, she gets over it pretty soon, to the point where I genuinely thought Willow didn't have much to do in Season Two because the writers figured her character arc was done. Which is a shame because even though her friends have more development than her, Willow is a great straight man to their antics. She's often remembered as a friend with the one functioning brain cell in the group, acting as the voice of reason when her idiot friends have a dumb idea. But she's still supportive of their ambitions and adventures because THEY were supportive of her. It's her way of paying them back. Willow just has a better idea of when to draw the line.

Plus, there is an interesting idea about Willow that the writers manage to explore beyond her shyness, even if it's not to as great of an extent as everyone else's development. You see, Willow has a problem processing trauma. In "Understanding Willow" (which ironically helps us understand Amity better), Willow states that it's best to hide away what's upsetting her while saying, "Out of sight, out of mind." Only for that to QUICKLY backfire as Amity takes things further by burning the very thing Willow only wanted to hide. They both learn it's better to confront the things that make them uncomfortable, gaining an understanding (ha) that you need to face your pain to heal from it. Except that Willow somewhat forgot that lesson in "For the Future," which showcased what makes Willow great. She's there to help her friends and their issues but ignores her own because she believes her friends’ are more important. All the girl needed was a good cry over her dads, but Willow instead repeated to herself, "Keep it in," not wanting to let her own problems overshadow everyone else's, which caused her emotions to grow more out of control. This side of her is an engaging idea, and it sucks that it's only been explored twice while her friends got more development. I'm willing to blame the shortening of the series for this one because there's no way she only had such a small role to play in the series upon conception. Willow acts as great support like Gus, but she could have been so much more. And that's a "What if" that's going to unfortunately be lost to time.

King Clawthorne: I have mixed feelings towards King, at least in the first season. I didn't hate him. It's just that, within Season One, King hardly had a direction. More often than not, he was the comic relief that went off doing silly things in the B-Plot while everyone else went on the real adventures. It led to entertaining bits, like gaining an army of sentient stuffed animals or using the Owl Beast as a tool to dominate the playground. But then there were times when they felt like an unnecessary distraction, like being an MC at Grom or being mistaken as a substitute teacher. And most of the time, it's all for the sake of an unrealistic goal. I could tell from the beginning that he would NEVER be the actual King of Demons, and it was just something the other characters played along with because even THEY knew it would never be a reality. So there was never anything King could add to the show besides humor, which he did well due to Alex Hirsch's hilarious delivery with a few jokes. If King stayed the same as he does in Season One, he'd go just above Hooty as someone entertaining with a few solid scenes of heart with the rest of the main cast, but nothing more than that.

...But then the writers decided to make King an actual character in Season Two.

King became more consistent and engaging in the series from "Echoes of the Past" to beyond. In most of the series before this moment, King always went back and forth as either a child, a pet, or an immature adult with delusions of grandeur. Post "Echoes of the Past," it's pretty clear that King's a child but one with a bit more maturity than others. He acts naive and has a definite need to be protected at all costs when he acts sad. And Alex Hirsch KILLS it when portraying King's youth, where the times King cries or gets emotional sounds like an actual kid rather than a grown man playing a kid. His delivery isn't just good for humor but for some amazing voice acting that surprisingly adds to the illusion. It's sort of like how John Roberts convinces me that Linda from Bob's Burgers is a New Jersey Mother in a way that's better than any voice actress ever could manage. Sometimes, you need to give in to the illusion.

As for what makes King engaging, that's where his purpose comes in. King wanting to become the King of Demons and have people bow down to him is...cute and results in some good humor. But King wanting to know what he is and where his Dad came from? Now THAT is a way to make someone invested in a character we already enjoyed. King was entertaining before, but seeing his struggles to find answers about his past and heritage was always endearing and helped you feel for the little guy. And when he finally DOES get answers, it cleverly gives King what he wanted in Season One: To be something that people would bow down to in respect and fear...and King doesn't want that anymore. After learning he's the last of his species, that his blood family is dead, and everything is falling down around him and his found family, King doesn't want to be the monster everyone fears. He just wants to be King and have things go back to normal. Or, HIS version of normal, anyway. It's pretty compelling to show King's growth as comic relief to an actual character by giving him everything he thought he wanted, only to practically refuse it. King is almost a completely different character by Season Two, and it really is for the best. Season One King wasn't too bad, but his Season Two self really gave him the boost he needed.

Raine Whispers: Raine is best defined as a pretty flawless character. At least, in my eyes, they are, as there's not really a bad thing I can say about them.

Upon conception, Raine was nothing more than a love interest to Eda...and that tracks. So much of Raine's development and story occurs when Eda is there, fawning over them and wanting to reconnect. Even their debut episode was more about Eda's issues and how Raine was there to guide her to the right path when it mattered most. They're very much a character severely connected with Eda and never had the chance to star in the spotlight instead of sharing it. A shame, really, since Raine organizing a resistance against Belos could be enough for an episode of its own, but, unfortunately, not the case for a series that got shortened. However, just because Raine's a character connected to Eda, it doesn't make them any less fun or engaging.

First and foremost, you GET why Eda is so in love with Raine. Where Eda is an agent of chaos, Raine is more for CONTROLLED chaos, willing to join Eda to cause some mayhem but in a way where they don't get caught or in trouble. And that's just them as kids. As an adult, Raine wants to destroy a militaristic dictatorship from the inside out, determined to keep the act going and fight literal brainwashing no matter how often they get caught. They're also pretty determined, fighting against Belos infecting Raine's brain and fighting with their last breath when Belos tried to get to the heart of the Titan. Because while Raine was one for chaos as a kid, they're still a good and caring person. Raine didn't want Eda involved so she wouldn't get hurt and MEANT their promise to Luz to make sure nothing bad happened to Eda during their mission on the Day of Unity. But on top of everything else: Raine is a charismatic dork, having enough charm to make Eda the Owl Lady blush but still having the dorkiest smile when announcing their crew's name is "The CATs." Raine is ALL these things, and the result is someone who's a blast to watch, even if they're simply Eda's love interest. They still add enough entertainment and drama, even if some of it, unfortunately, focuses more on the Eda side of things. Would I love more of a spotlight to shine on Raine? Of course. They're an outstanding character who unfortunately got put through the wringer, what with being physically tortured, used as Belos' meat puppet, and MAYBE groomed by Terra Snapdragon (That creepy witch). But when a character's conceived as a love interest, even if there's more to them, you gotta take the good moments when they're badass and awesome and appreciate when they contribute to the story on the sidelines as a supporting character than a leading one. At least they were right there to kill Belos and lived happily ever after, snuggling with Eda. Not too bad for a love interest, huh?

Oh, and Raine's also the first non-binary character in a kid's cartoon with a major influence on the characters and the plot. That's pretty cool too.

The Collector: Here we have a character that turned out WAY better than I imagined. I didn't admit it in the past, but I was a LITTLE worried that the writers would make The Collector like Bill Cypher: A chaotic god-like character who takes pleasure in treating others like his playthings. And The Collector IS that...but there's something that makes them a different yet intriguing character: The Collector's a kid. Yes, he's a kid who turned the Boiling Isles into their playground and the residents into toys, but they’re still a kid.

Upon our introduction of The Collector, we're given this idea that he’s a sick and twisted little gremlin who's just as excited as Belos is about the genocide of the Boiling Isles (which might be an image aided by the fact that it's Belos' memory). But every time we saw them since, the more the writers leaned into the Collector's child-like behavior, showing that the reason why he might be all for Belos' genocide and treat people as literal playthings is that they don't understand what life and death means. He doesn't MEAN to be a problem. It's just that no one has ever taught them otherwise. And that's a more interesting way to go about this character instead of making The Collector a new primary antagonist. It might have worked fine, but when you make a character with god-like powers, it becomes difficult to believe anyone could defeat them. So, the idea to stop The Collector by TEACHING him what's right and wrong before it's too late is a clever way to go about things, especially when it's King that does most of the teaching, using his newfound maturity to teach The Collector what Eda and Luz taught HIM. The result is a new, engaging character that also shows the stellar development of another. Not too bad for someone added to the series at the last minute...Yeah, no, that's what The Collector is, though.

After finding out the series would get shortened, Dana Terrace and the writers thought, "Hey, let's just go NUTS this season!" So, they threw in The Collector as a way to add more spectacle to the final three specials of the show. Sure, the writers had SOME idea of what to do with The Collector beforehand. But after getting the bad news from the executives who decided the series no longer fit the brand, it was the final nail in the coffin to shove The Collector in there. And MAN, there is no better representation of the show's forced conclusion than The Collector, as they're this thing that ALL the characters react to, whether protagonist or antagonist, and are forced to work through their story arcs and character development around within the last few minutes of the show. It's a pretty fun way to look at The Collector, even if he's still a great character despite all they represent. Regardless, I'm still grateful the writers didn't just turn him into the new primary antagonist who killed the old one to show off their threat level...Especially since the old one is REALLY good.

Emperor Belos/Philip Whitebane: "YOU LIKE BELOS MORE THAN WILLOW, GUS, RAINE, AND EVERYONE ELSE?!"

Yes...As a CHARACTER. Not as a PERSON. Because he's NOT a PERSON. He's a FICTIONAL CHARACTER.

I'm serious. People should stop equating "good character" to "good person," especially in this fandom. You can't talk about how well-written Belos or Odalia are without someone coming around and saying, "THEY'RE AWFUL PEOPLE!" I know that. Most...SHOULD know that. But here's the thing: Belos is an antagonist. A character whose purpose is for the audience to love to hate him. If that's done well, he's a good character. And guess what: Belos does it REALLY well, to the point where he's one of my favorite antagonists in a Disney property. Probably one of my favorite antagonists of all time.

Upon his introduction, Belos scared the crap out of me. From his design to even the way he spoke sent chills up my spine. He didn't even SOUND all that threatening, with a deep and scary voice. He sounded like a dude, but it’s in the way he said things, as if Belos knew what he was saying was messed up. But he didn't care, almost like it was because he thrived on people fearing him. And that was just on his INTRODUCTION. From a few of his future appearances, the writers showed Belos acting MORE horrifying, having disturbing spells unlike anything we've seen before, being aware that SOMETHING is spying on him, and revealing that he has a curse that turns him into a somehow MORE terrifying monster. It was pretty effective in getting me to fear this creepy son of a non-witch...And then "Eclypse Lake" showed us his face, revealing that he not only SOUNDED like an ordinary dude but LOOKED like one too. Sure, he had that weird green mark that went down his face, but so much fear I had of Belos went away when I saw that he looked like someone's grandpa who forgot to wash his face. But as the show went on, the more it made sense to make Belos look like a regular man. Instead of portraying a fantastical evil, the writers went for a more realistic one...with supernatural powers, yes, but consider the villains of OUR world. They're people who look like you and me, using their faces to hide dark intentions and charm their way to a position in leadership. That fits Belos' actions to a T, and you see how perfectly it matches in real life when Luz voices her frustrations that no one can see how evil Belos really is, only for King to tell her that no one wants to realize that they've been following the wrong guy. Do you want to know why members of your family refuse to accept that a LOT of Republicans are evil? It's because they spent years, even generations, believing the opposite. So to tell them the truth, even if they NEED to hear it, they'll refuse any facts given to them. So having Belos be the exact representation of all of that, showing kids what to be wary of, is a great way to educate them to learn that sometimes the most dangerous people in society are those who control it in the first place. Even making him a grotesque monster doesn't really take away from the allusion but adds to it, letting Belos' true, inner self take physical form and showing kids what happens to these monsters when you're too late to stop them.

And that's not even getting into the motivations! I didn't feel TOO shocked when it was revealed that Belos was Philip Wittebane. Don't get me wrong, I was still a LITTLE shocked, but I predicted it and expected that Belos' big plan was to return to the Human Realm in some way, but that left some holes into why he spent so much time controlling the Boiling Isles to do it...And then it was revealed that Belos was a WITCH HUNTER. And I'll never forget the dread I felt when I realized, "Oh, they're doing THIS. Oh, no..." The level of fear that I once had for Belos skyrocketed once his real plan became clear and how INTENSELY close he was to reach his ultimate goal.

The scariest part of all is how believable it is. Given how real-world politicians are willing to wipe out an entire group of individuals just for existing, someone like Belos isn't too far of a stretch. Neither is how he came to be the monster that he is. Philip was only an orphaned child raised to believe that witches were Satan's spawn set to destroy everything. And one witch "stole" his brother, the only family Philip had left, and left him feeling like his rage was justified. Except...it's not. It was NEVER justified. Caleb left Philip on his own volition and, when Philip found him again, tried to convince the twit that Evelyn was fine. Philip could have easily taken his brother's word for it and changed. Philip would later have YEARS, possibly CENTURIES, to learn that he was wrong, but he never did. The conditioning was put too deep into his brain, and Belos was the result. I wouldn't say that makes him a tragic character, but it DOES explain so much about why he acts the way he does.

The best part about Belos is that he's consistent. Because of his conditioning, he never once wavers his opinions or questions if what he's doing is wrong. Belos considers himself the hero of his story and views Caleb and Luz as tragic losses. When met with the LITERAL GHOSTS of his sins, Belos yells at, or flat out ignores, them, proclaiming that he was doing the right thing and it's not HIS fault that their souls were too far gone. And with Luz, Belos tried to kill her on three separate occasions, actually succeeding the third time around. And when backed into a corner, realizing he's as good as dead, does Belos ask for surrender? Does he beg for forgiveness? NOPE! He initially tries to manipulate Luz, attempting to take advantage of her good nature into thinking he's good now. And, when THAT instantly fails, Belos yells at Luz, saying she's betraying her humanity and is nothing more than the very evil he spent his whole life fighting against. Luz doesn't buy a word of ANY of it, least of all when he says they're better than this petty revenge and killing out of a twisted form of justice. Even though that's exactly what he's been doing all his life.

Evil to the end, Belos is an antagonist that works because of how perfectly diabolical and realistically despicable the writers made him, making him interesting to dissect while having it feel so cathartic to watch him get stomped to death by the very people he hated. I could honestly go on and on about what makes Belos so engaging to watch and easy to hate...but this gosh dang review is long enough already, and I haven't even gotten to my top five favorite characters yet!

Speaking of which, let's talk about the ONE good thing Belos did with his life...After we talk about Amity.

Amity Blight: How's THAT for a smooth transition?

Anyways, Amity's great because with nearly every new appearance she's made, she becomes a better character, and I mean that in two ways. For one, she becomes more intriguing as we learn about her home life, interests, and motivations, all three being connected in some capacity. Everything that Amity did, she did because her parents (her Mom, mostly) told her to do it. Ending her friendship with Willow, forcing her to be friends with Boscha and her mean girl squad, be the best of her class no matter what, and join the coven that she slowly doesn't want to join anymore. These are all the things Amity was forced to do, and had no choice to do it.She had almost no free will, but that doesn't mean she couldn't rebel in the tiniest ways. She took time out of her day to read to kids and used the cover of it being extra credit to keep doing it. She has a secret room with a collection of Azura books to enjoy a fantasy series, idolizes the purest hero, and has some creative freedom if that fan art on her diary's cover is anything to go by. Even her bullying has SOME ways of cheating. Amity may have said that Willow had no talent, but it was an attempt to get Boscha and the others to stop while covering her tracks so they won't tell anyone she went soft on Willow. And in "I Was A Teenage Abomination," some of Amity's words almost sound encouraging. There's a mocking tone to a lot of it, but the subtlety of her going "keep it up" is still there. Sure, Amity would later have a rage later regarding Willow and Luz’s cheating, but even that is more or less justified. They broke the rules, and, knowing how Odalia reacts to failure, Amity is NOT willing to let go of her "Top Student" badge without a fight. Maybe I'm stretching, and maybe I'm looking deep into things that aren't there. But it's the same thing I do with Alador: When presented with new information about a character, it's a collaborative effort to look at what came before and figure out how it works. And I think there's enough to Amity's actions in the past that are justified by her motivations yet still have a bit of her good side shining through. Which is good because that brings me to the OTHER reason why Amity gets better with each episode.

Piece by piece, bit by bit, Amity becomes a better person after learning a new and valued lesson by the end of every episode. And unlike a blonde-haired character I hate from that frog show, Amity has a clear and definite desire to become a better person. The writers SMARTLY confirm early on that Amity doesn't want to be cruel. She specifically can't show weakness, so she builds walls to hide away her good side, believing that part of herself is weak. But through Luz, the best thing that ever happened to Amity, all those walls come crumbling down, and the Amity SHE wants to become would soon blossom. She's less reserved, more open about feelings, smiles instead of sneers, and acts nicer to Luz and others around her. There's still some anger, annoyance, and the occasional snark, but it was nowhere near as bad as how Amity USED to act. And through each wall that falls gives Amity courage to stand up to her parents and finally become her own person, to the point of dying her hair to reflect the kind of person she wants to be. By a quarter of the way through Season Two, Amity finally gains an identity that reflects what she always had hidden underneath. And it's satisfying...And then writers made her Luz's girlfriend.

Yeah, this is a complaint you'll often see floating around. The second Amity and Luz start dating, a lot of her individuality tends to trickle away, with most of Amity’s problems being related to or overshadowed by Luz's. Just look at "Reaching Out," which has Amity dealing with her issues of Alador's neglect and wanting to form SOME connection with him. But it's barely touched upon due to the real meat of the episode being Luz using the event as a distraction towards her own issues, which I remember more regarding that episode than anything Amity went through. And things get worse by Season Three, where almost every character has something to go through or a chance to highlight their grief, and Amity is...just kind of there, being looped in with supporting her girlfriend and dealing with an ex-friend instead of dealing with her own problems.

It definitely sucks that after all that fighting that Amity went through to gain independence and discover her true self, only to be sidelined once she gets it. But I will say that while Amity is forced into being categorized as Luz's girlfriend, that role still highlights Amity's development. She acts warm, kind, and, most of all, understanding towards Luz and her issues, the same way Luz acted towards Amity, proving she can give as much as she can take. It's not how I wanted things to turn out, but hey. At least Amity got a complete character arc before being pushed to the side. That's WAY more than what I can say about Gus and Willow, the characters introduced to us as Luz's best friends. Guess a girlfriend takes more of a priority.

But that's enough about the fandom's favorite white girl. Let's NOW talk about the fandom's favorite white boy AND the writer's favorite punching bag.

Hunter: In all seriousness, Hunter feels like a character where the writers went, "Hey, remember Amity? Let's just...f**king do THAT again. But BETTER."

And they did! Hunter pretty much has the same journey that Amity did as a character, but with all the strengths and NONE of the weaknesses. Upon his introduction, you think he's a charismatic yet evil little brat who doesn't value the lives of others with how quickly he threatened to kill Luz, Eda, and King. But, just like with Amity, the more we learn about Hunter, the more we realize why he WOULD act the way he did and even why he SHOULD.

Hunter is the supposed "nephew" of Emperor Belos, a man who hates failure to the point where he's ready to kill after you let him down ONCE, and you don't want to push his limits too many times. Hunter knows AND fears this fact, so he learns to hold his tongue when possible so as not to gain another injury during one of Belos' temper tantrums. So, Hunter does what he's told, acts carelessly toward others beneath him, and constantly tries to prove himself as a valued soldier instead of acting as a teenager. The poor boy has his own set of walls built up, and instead of letting the cracks grow, he often tries to patch them as quickly as possible because he fears Belos WAY more than Amity fears her parents. And rightfully so, because Belos would absolutely kill Hunter if he betrayed him. He's done it before.

Hunter being a Grimwalker shouldn't surprise me, as the pieces were there and...not really subtly hidden. Yet that doesn't change how horrifying it makes Hunter's situation. It's one thing to fear being replaced by a better soldier in his ranks or something. The fact that Belos can and will attempt to make a better, more efficient clone of Hunter and kill him if needed...makes Hunter digging his own grave in "Eclypse Lake" more fitting than we realized. It makes him not only replaceable but disposable, with that newly acquired knowledge making Hunter shatter, having a panic attack as it hits him all at once that his fears are more than justified. The worst part is that Hunter spent YEARS with that monster, never standing up because he couldn't do it as easily as Amity did to her parents. She can always run away, hide out in someone else's home to escape a mother who probably doesn't even want her. There's NOWHERE Hunter could go that could keep him away from Belos for long, what with him being the Emperor and Hunter having little to no friends. Thankfully, the ones he had did a lot of work.

Luz, Amity, Willow, Gus, and ESPECIALLY Flapjack all helped to give Hunter a better life. Luz offered perspective, showing Hunter that there's more to life than being told how to live it and that the authority figure he listens to isn't perfect. Amity represents evidence, showing Hunter that if you let good people in your life, they will help you with what tortures you. Willow gave companionship through herself AND a group of people that made Hunter genuinely smile for what must have been the first time in his life. Gus then offered comfort, showing Hunter how to calm his anxieties and fears he'll continue to have. And the one to provide all of these things is Flapjack, who gives Hunter perspective, evidence, companionship, and comfort through his own actions and dragging Hunter to people who could offer more. This gave Hunter a support group of individuals that slowly but surely gave him the desire to be the person he wanted to be and gain an identity. Sure, Hunter would build his walls back up each time they tore them down. But there were always cracks that made it easier to convince him what was the right thing to do for others AND himself. And it all gave him the courage to finally stand up to Belos, who saw Hunter as nothing more than a meat puppet, metaphorically and literally.

Hunter's journey does share a lot of similarities with Amity's. I will admit to that. But where she's later demoted as a character defined by a relationship, Hunter is a character that grew because of the support system he gained and was allowed to keep a sense of identity after his friends brought out his good side. They're the ones who guided him down his path, but what Hunter chose to do after was all his own. Plus, it feels SO GOOD to see that after Hunter's grief and knowing how many others before him died tragically to Belos, he gets his happily ever after. Hunter has a home life that's healthy, friends to support him, a girlfriend to LOVE him, and a chance to genuinely smile every day. He LIVED. He SURVIVED. And that must feel inspiring to those who feel there's no escape from the tragedy of their own lives. I love Amity's journey, but Hunter's definitely better and more impactful in ways you won't believe.

And he'd be the best character in the show...if it weren't the fact that I love three more. At this point, you can probably tell who they are, so let's get started with the fandom's favorite MILF.

Eda Clawthorne: I swear that Eda being hot isn't the reason she's in my top three...Maybe.

But for real, Eda is the only character on this list where if the show was about HER...I would watch it. There is SO MUCH about Eda that makes her a blast to see and a lot to dissect that makes her engaging as she is entertaining.

When regarding her personality/character traits, Eda is an instant gem. She's a con artist, frequently driven by greed, has NO problems breaking the laws, and is more than willing to beat up anyone who messes with the kids she's grown attached to. Now many, myself included, have pointed out that Eda's character shares similarities to Grunkle Stan from Gravity Falls. And...yeah, there's definitely a lot to compare, but there's much more to contrast to help make Eda stand out more as a character. For instance, while Stan one hundred percent loves Dipper and Mabel, Eda still feels warmer towards Luz and King. She may show some annoyance at Luz's enthusiasm or playfully mock King believing he's the most dangerous creature alive, but when it matters most, Eda's there for her kids. To protect, counsel, and sometimes cry over them when situations seem dire. Though she'd probably hate to admit it, Eda has a good heart and one that isn't buried after years of emotional baggage (don't worry, we'll get into that). And she doesn't need much bonding experience to help bring that goodness inside her. When Eda saw a little creature alone in a dangerous environment, Eda took it in and raised it as her own. When seeing a young girl with the same amount of spirit as Eda did when she was younger, Eda decided to accept that young girl's offer and teach her the best she knew. Eda was a caring mother figure to King and Luz when they needed her. As for being a teacher...she could have been better, what with barely teaching Luz anything. Still, she tried, and that's primarily in part because of her own love of magic.

Eda may be a criminal striving to get rich, but those two things aren't mutually inclusive like it is for Grunkle Stan. Eda's a criminal because she disagrees with this close-minded rule that witches should be in a coven, doing one kind of magic for the rest of their lives, except for a small group of elite soldiers picked out by the Emperor himself. Anyone with half a brain can see the flaws of this, and Eda was one of them, breaking the law for years because Eda couldn't help but see how it never made sense. So, she never joined a coven, something considered a major offense against Belos' rule, with Eda being considered a wild witch by her community. And the woman RELISHED that idea. Due to not joining a coven, Eda was allowed to do any type of magic she wanted without being in a stuffy uniform and listening to the vague lies of an evil emperor. It left her with a bit of an ego boost, claiming that she's the most powerful witch on the Isles, but at least Eda gets to do what she loves. Even as a kid, Eda had a PASSION for magic, wanting to learn as much as she could and knowing more than Lilith, a character proven more studious than Eda. It's why you can buy Eda being the better witch than Lilith, because while Lilith can understand the technique, Eda has a better grasp of how good it feels to do magic. After all, she loves doing it in a variety of ways. Even her being a new headmaster of a magic college makes a lot of sense. She may not have been the best teacher for Luz, but they were both dealing with a form of magic that neither really knew much about. The only time their teaching clicked was that moment when Luz had natural magic, and Eda could finally offer advice she KNEW would work. Natural magic is what she understands and has a greater passion for, and teaching "wild magic" to the new generation, giving them something she always wanted and a chance to learn further, makes all the more sense when you take the time to think about it. It's a side of Eda that I don't think fans talk about much. A shame, really. It's an interesting part of her that's worth sharing and deserves to have more attention drawn to it. The show certainly didn't...Though, to be fair, there was one last aspect of Eda's character that's, admittedly, more engaging.

Eda's past, from her family to her ex and to her curse, is a subject that follows Eda throughout her life whether she likes it or not. One way or another, something keeps crashing back into her life, and the results lead Eda into an emotional rollercoaster that ends in tears or violence. Some healing comes from it, but the tears and violence are still prominent. Her fights with Lilith, turning into a rage monster due to her mother's meddling, losing Raine, and her father wanting to talk are all emotional situations with Eda and the tattered relationships she had over the years. The hurtful part is how it all leads back to her curse, one way or another. I'll talk more about Eda's journey with her curse and the allusion it represents in future parts, but I'll still say that so much of Eda's pain, her drama, became prominent because of something Lilith did and how Eda reacted to it. She always ran away or denied there was a problem in the first place, making a horrible situation even worse as it left her burning bridges she'll want to rebuild later. And the worst part is that this is something Eda struggles with the most.

Despite all her pain and trauma, Eda tries to cover it up with jokes and a cocky smile or anger and determination. When the curse started overtaking her in “Agony of a Witch,” she looked at Luz with a smile to make things light, but the fear in her eyes betrayed everything. When losing Raine to Darius and Eberwolf, she choked back her tears and forced herself to focus on anything else. Because to her, it's better to deny how hard you're hurting than face it. She'll voice her worries from time to time but often hides just how strong those emotions are for her. And she definitely doesn't want to relive emotional memories due to how hard it was keeping things together the first time. The only time when Eda tends to embrace her inner turmoil is when things are so intense that she can't help but cry and voice how scared/worried she is. It weirdly makes sense that the only thing that could make Eda finally open up is facing the end of the world where it's not just HER who's in danger but the people she loves too. Because above all else, while she may hate to show it, Eda is a softie to the ones she cares about, especially Luz and King. The three of them have gone on so many adventures together and faced so much danger that you can understand why it's almost always them that brings Eda to tears. Luz's attempt at a goodbye in "Young Blood, Old Souls," King's adoption in "Eda's Requiem," knowing how deep in trouble Luz is in "Edge of the World," and finally revealing that there's no plan in "O' Titan, Where Art Thou." Those kids mean the world to her, as she would be nothing without King and Luz giving her purpose, love, and a healing heart...Which makes it weirder how little Eda got to do in Season Three.

Yeah, a lot of characters got the short end of the stick in Season Three, even members of the main cast like Amity and Gus. While most got some narrative or development, others got forced into the supporting role to help those more important characters. But for Eda, it feels weird because she's part of the main trio. Nearly every poster and promotional material featured Luz, King, and Eda. Nearly every episode featured Luz, King, AND Eda. And every version of the show pitched, even if they didn't look the same, it was always Luz, King, AND EDA. So to have a season where she takes a narrative backseat while Luz and King have more relevance to the story feels off. Although, to be fair, it's not like there was much to be done with Eda. Pretty much every narrative she had got wrapped up with Season Two. She's accepted the curse as a part of her, made peace with her family, and reunited with Raine (even if they didn't seal that deal with a kiss). It's almost as if the writers knew they wouldn't have a chance to explore Eda further with a shortened season, so they completed every arc they could with her in the remaining time they had left. So I can see why they didn't do much with her because what else could they have done? But it doesn't stop how weird it is that Eda could have easily been written out of the season if not for the fact that she's part of the main trio, and it'd be even WEIRDER to have a final season without her. Because, truth be told, the series wouldn't be the same without Eda.

Eda offers humor, heart, and tragedy to The Owl House. Her past, trauma, relationships, and love make for someone that deserves main trio status. Probably even main character status too. I would love to see more of her with how much intrigue Eda has, even if a lot of it is done already. Would I want to watch a spin-off of her as a teen? Probably not. But I wouldn't mind seeing more adventures this wild witch would get into.

Also, I'll say this much about her: There's a consensus in the fandom that Eda is the best mom in the show. And while she certainly is a great mother like no other...there's someone we ALL know, deep down, deserves the title for Best Cartoon Mom.

Camila Noceda: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, I have been waiting for this one...

Now, I'll be the first to admit that I am incredibly biased towards Camila. Upon her introduction, I always thought she was neat as a mother who truly cares about Luz, her interests, and her wonderfully creative mind. She said so within the premier. And even when sending Luz away, all Camila tried to do was look to the bright side and convince Luz that her summer won't be as miserable as she might predict it to be. Camila could tell that going to Reality Check Camp was the last thing Luz wanted to do, so Camila tried her best to make it seem like a fun time despite how down it made Luz feel. It shows that while she may not be a perfect mom for sending her daughter away, Camila is still caring enough towards Luz, and she wants her to be happy despite encouraging a decision Luz wouldn't like. I considered that a fascinating angle towards a mother like Camila, providing a reason for Luz wanting to leave but never out of malice. I liked it...But a quantifiable portion of the fandom did NOT, with too many people claiming Camila was an awful mother who hated her daughter. Camila had maybe a minute, maybe TWO minutes, of screentime, and that's somehow the interpretation people made. I wouldn't say I'm the best at analyzing and interpreting characters, which is a crazy thing to bring up THIS FAR into my longest review yet. Still, even I have to say that people's interpretation of Camila was a MAJOR reach. Like...how do you look at a woman who explicitly states she loves her daughter, gives her multiple kisses goodbye, and you immediately go, "Oh, she HATES Luz." How do you do that? And how do you claim she's a worse mom than Odalia? Yeah, that was a thing! People genuinely would defend Odalia for being a good mom with their last breath and then turn around to s**t on Camila. Even after finally meeting Odalia and seeing how bad SHE was, people still somehow considered Camila worse. I never understood how it got out of hand, and I'm convinced the writers somehow picked up on all this overreacting and decided to make Camila better with every single appearance she made soon after.

From that premier, I already gathered this idea that Camila was a flawed but caring mother trying her best despite mistakes. By "Yesterday's Lie," I was convinced she was the best mom Luz could ask for, even if powerful emotions caused Camila to make mistakes. When Vee acts like the "perfect daughter," you can see, on Camila's face, how Camila noticed something was off and how much she didn't like it. To her, "Luz" was throwing away everything that made her Luz, and Camila didn't WANT that, made even more evident by bringing all of Luz's stuff back in after Vee tried throwing them away. Then when the real Luz "calls" Camila, acting like her true self again, Camila seems ecstatic and is willing to play along with what she assumes is a weird game because she's so happy to see Luz be herself again. Through these small moments, you understand more how much Camila cares for her daughter, despite sending Luz to a camp to teach her to fit in better. It was an action done out of love, not malice. Camila couldn't be FARTHER from a bad person, as proven by how she reacts toward Vee. There may have been initial fear of finding out what Vee really was, but through some coaxing from Luz, all Camila can see is a poor girl locked in a cage and needing help. It's there that you understand where Luz got her kindness from. Because even though everything is going beyond Camila's comfort zone, the woman's still willing to kick a flat-Earther's ass to protect Vee. She's kind and warm to the people she cares about and violent to the ones that hurt them. Like mother, like daughter. But Camila isn't all too perfect. As the events finally come crashing down on her at once, she feels ALL the emotions as she has this breakdown. There's fear that Luz is stuck in a demon realm, anger knowing she WILLINGLY went there, and despair at the idea that Camila might never see Luz again. All of this leads to Camila BEGGING Luz to promise to come back, with Luz interpreting her words as "stay here and NEVER return to that awful place." This caused Luz to be fearful for the future, and more fans hyper-focussing on the negatives instead of the positives. They saw a mother telling her daughter to abandon everything that made her happy when anyone with a single functioning brain cell can tell you that it's just Camila being worried about Luz and not fully grasping the whole story. She knows Luz had SOME fun in the Boiling Isles, but Camila's strong emotions at the moment caused her to fail to understand why Luz loves it. Or, at least, misconstrue the facts, thinking it was just Luz living out a fantasy, the same thing Camila sent Luz to summer camp for. It might seem weird that Camila also focuses on the negatives instead of the positives, but in fairness to Camila, the woman went through the worst thing any mother can go through: Losing contact with her child for who knows how long. I can't blame her for her judgment being clouded by everything she's going through. Still, fans clung to the negatives, too...So it's good Season Three shut them all up for good.

Season Three might as well be the season of Camila, because of all the things Season Three did right, diving deep into Camila's character is one of them. Where her first two appearances showed how much of a caring mother she can be, Season Three took it up to TEN notches. She took so many children into her home when they had nowhere else to go, stayed up late to figure out how to get them everything they could need for a happy life, acted nurturing when they had a tough time, chose violence for someone even saying ANYTHING mean about her baby, and dove head first into a dirty graveyard pond to save a child. Camila earned the title "Mother of the Year.” And she wasn't even trying. But while the season shows how kind, nurturing, and even badass Camila can be, it also had her face some mistakes. Camila wasn't bad for sending Luz away or asking her to stay home. She's a single mother who lost her husband, who probably connected to their daughter in better ways and left Camila to do everything alone. She wanted to be the best possible mom but second-guessed every decision and was unsure if she was doing the right thing. So I like that most of this season is about her trying to LEARN from these unintended mistakes, asking for advice from Luz's friends, and finally sharing with Luz the mistakes Camila made and how she now comes to regret them. What's even better is that Camila tries her best to understand Luz's world. A lot of it scares Camila and makes her uncomfortable, even years after being aware of the Isles in the epilogue, but she still puts in the effort to TRY. It's because Camila loves Luz and wants to be a part of every aspect of her life. Camila may struggle, but she still wants to try. And THAT'S what makes her the best mom.

Camila is warm, loving, and just so much fun to see. She isn't perfect, but instead of denying those imperfections, Camila chooses to confront them and TRIES to better herself. It's evidence that not every parent gets the assignment as they receive it, but they're not instantly failures because of it. Yes, there are horrible parents who refuse to change, but I like that the show teaches kids that there are those who care enough to do better. That's what Camila is, and I love the hell out of her for it.

But do you want to know her GREATEST achievement? She gave birth to the best character in the show…

Luz Noceda: Luz Noceda. Luz fickin' Noceda. A character so good that I made an entire post discussing how she's a fan-frickin'-tastic character. And even then, it felt like I barely scratched the surface of what makes her so good. I mean, how can you accurately explain everything that you love about your favorite protagonist ever? Better yet, how can you summarize it for a review that's gone long enough already? Well, I'm at least going to try...Emphasis on try.

Luz is a character that won me over instantly. The happy, goofy character is always fun for me as I think they're perfect for humor and endearing entertainment. That's Luz to a T, as her antics and attitude towards so many things cause me to smile to no fail. How can I not when she has a kind smile as a snake bites off her doll's head or when she has an argument with her hands? Luz is almost always a delight, but what's interesting about her is that while she's primarily happy and fun-loving, that doesn't make her naive or stupid. Luz has a good sense of maturity, even before her angst arc (Yeah, we'll get to that). In "Covention," I was impressed by her response to Eda's disdain about joining a coven. Luz made it clear that she understands Eda's outlook but wants to go and make her OWN decision. In fact, Luz is mature enough not to follow ALL of Eda's orders. There are times when Luz DEFINITELY should, but I like how the writers gives her enough emotional intelligence NOT to listen to ALL of Eda's wild and free ideas of anarchy. She has enough emotional intelligence to know what's right and wrong at times but is still young enough to learn more when put in danger at a time she really SHOULD have listened to Eda. Luz IS a teen, after all. She wouldn't have all the answers.

But now that we're talking about her intelligence, that's probably an aspect of Luz that's looked over the most. Because Luz is smart, and that shouldn't be an argument. It should be a fact. The girl endlessly worked on glyphs until getting them right, often having scraps of paper lying around her after past experiments. And not only is she studious, but Luz is also crafty at any moment. Some of my favorite scenes with Luz are ones where she comes up with a great plan on the spot, like how she thought up a way to brand Belos as he was killing her. It makes sense the girl wanted to try out for theater because her improvisation is on POINT. And she has the power to back it up. I said in that character analysis that Luz is powerful but not TOO powerful. My good buddy @l-egionare pointed out how I misjudged how powerful Luz CAN be, given how a single plant glyph made that big tree in "Enchanting Grom Fright" and how she wiped the floor with Emperor's Coven members and Conformitorium guards. She certainly has the power. I highlighted her intelligence more because I love characters who win fights by outthinking their opponents rather than overpowering them. The truth is, Luz, CAN do some epic stuff. She's just not AS powerful as Eda and Lilith were at their best, due to Luz having limitations to her glyphs and how she sometimes casts them. Luz can be invisible but only for as long as she holds her breath, and the strength behind her glyph depends on how much she uses and how big they are. She can do great stuff, even with very little, but nothing TOO grand until the Titan gave Luz that power boost in the finale (which I didn’t initially want, but DAMN amI not complaining). Besides, as cool as Luz CAN be, and how underappreciated that part of her is, it’s not her best feature.

I think we can all agree that the best thing about Luz Noceda is her kindness. She’s not naive enough to believe that there’s goodness deep down inside everyone. Her kindness has limits and it says something that Luz’s first instinct upon finally meeting Belos for the first time is to go for the head. While she will help others that need it, Luz will still take the violent route if you mess with those she loves. Speaking of, do you remember your favorite characters? You know all that development and growth they all went through? Do you know who’s responsible for ALL of that? Luz, that’s who. She helped reconnect Eda with her family, led King to gaining a sense of identity, helped Willow blossom into becoming more confident, indirectly helped Gus make new friends, and helped Lilith, Hunter, and ESPECIALLY Amity become their truer, better selves. They wouldn’t be who they are now without Luz, as every person she made a connection with had their lives changed for the better. And the crazy thing is that’s…not entirely mutual. Another great point my buddy @l-egionare made is that Luz’s life wasn’t doomed for the worst, and his argument has legs. Luz could have made friends like Vee did at summer camp or befriended those two kids in “Thanks to Them” who seemed to love Luz’s brand of weirdness. After high school, Luz could have also gone on to be a writer, sharing her love of fantasy to the world. Heck, she might even  fall in love with someone else one day, like with a horror nerd that loves gore and doughnuts…Just spitballing ideas here. The point is that while Luz’s friends on the Boiling Isles ABSOLUTELY need her for a happier life, she doesn’t necessarily need THEM. It’s an interesting interpretation to think about that makes Luz even BETTER. She’s a protagonist that leads others to their change and growth, which is a primary directive for most protagonists. Not only should THEY grow and change throughout the story, but they should lead the rest of the cast to do the same. It gives importance to the main character, showing just how much they’re needed for the world and the people in it…Which is why it pains Luz to find out she’s indirectly responsible for some strife too.

Like most plucky protagonists, Luz goes through an angst phase, mirroring how the show started off as light-hearted only to become darker as time went by. Luz’s angst, in particular, started in “Young Blood, Old Souls,” where a bit of Luz’s wackiness remained, but she still slowly got more serious as Season Two continued. By the time we reached “Hollow Mind,” an episode that forces Luz to realize she accidentally helped BELOS, most of Luz’s silliness and optimism became fizzled out, with damn near all of it being gone by Season Three. This is due to her seeing what Belos almost accomplished and the damage that The Collector was already capable of. Luz was accidentally and unintentionally the cause of these issues, and it broke her for reasons that ARE understandable…but they’re not justifiable. You DO get why Luz blames herself for everything that happened. She prides herself on her kindness and helping others, with the idea of being a burden crushing Luz in “Separate Tides.” So, to find out that she’s accidentally responsible for Belos, it hurts her because it makes her believe she’s a burden to EVERYONE, to the point where she believes that the Boiling Isles would be better off without her. Even though we LITERALLY just established how that’s false. There are some haters and idiots out there who do like to point out how none of Luz’s friends wouldn’t have had any strife if she never came to the Isles. Except…No. They absolutely would have. I mean, do you SERIOUSLY think Belos wouldn’t have tricked anyone else? The man pulled off a genocidal scam for DECADES. He could have easily tricked somebody else to do his dirty work for a few minutes.

“But he was driven out of too many towns! No one would trust him!”

Which is why he made a false identity to fix that problem. For all we know, he could have done it sooner.

“But Luz gave him the light glyph!”

A glyph that did nothing but offer Belos a shortcut to finish a job he was already 99% done with. Besides, he could have learned it on his own or maybe even through The Collector, who already knows that glyphs are the language of the Titans. Belos’ plan would have gone forward no matter WHAT reason you bring up. And what’s weirdly interesting is Luz’s refusal to see it. Yes, Belos could have tricked ANYBODY, but it’s still LUZ that he tricked. That guilt eats away at her and I’m kind of glad it’s not entirely resolved by the series finale. Don’t get me wrong, I want my favorite character to live the happiest life imaginable, but there’s a sense of realism that, even though she killed Belos, there’s still a bit of guilt. It’s hinted that it sticks with her years later, as she missed birthdays just so she could help rebuild the Isles. Although, that doesn’t stop Luz from living her life. She still hangs out with friends, joins her school’s softball/baseball team, and goes out with her family. Luz’s guilt is a lot like that scar above her eye. It’ll be small and hardly noticeable on some days, but it’ll still be there, as a reminder that life isn’t a fantasy.

It’s pretty ironic that Luz escaped to a fantasy world to avoid Reality Check Camp, only to get a reality check anyway. Everytime Luz tries to apply her favorite book series or pop culture to a problem she and her friends face, it always goes wrong. Within the second episode of the series, Luz learns quickly that she’s not some chosen one predestined for greatness…I mean, she kind of is, but not in a way most fantasy stories tend to play it. Luz quickly learns that her coming to the Boiling Isles was an accident, and that the environment she’s forced to adjust to isn’t as pretty as it is in her books. Things are difficult and solutions are complicated with there being no easy answers. Luz learns this throughout her adventures and grows to understand that being a witch like Azura isn’t simple. Luz even goes through a sort of identity crisis, now realizing that her dream to be a witch was always a little too vague and that she has no idea what she wants in life after the adventure’s over. It’s a compelling aspect to her character to have Luz realize that she’s not your average protagonist. So many of us want to be the main character of the world’s story, when we should realize that job would be extraordinarily difficult. Luz learned that the hard way after experiencing pain, suffering, and literal death that will haunt her nightmares for life. I wouldn’t call Luz a cautionary tale of what happens when you continue to live in a fantasy. That’s more like Marcy from Amphbia. Instead, I’d say Luz is more of a representation of a character understanding the cruelness of reality, but through a fantasy setting. We all learn best through the things that interest us, and Luz is no different. And that’s one of the MANY reasons to love her.

I could go on and on about how much I adore Luz alone. And probably would if this thing wasn’t THIRTY-THREE PAGES LONG! And you can’t blame me. She’s my favorite protagonist in anything, and is definitely up there as one of my favorite fictional characters. There might be problems with her character, but I’m more than willing to overlook them because of how much I enjoy Luz and the journey she went on. She is flawless in my eyes, and I will never look at her in a negative light no matter who tries to make me.

And that’s it. That’s EVERY IMPORTANT CHARACTER in The Owl House…My goodness.

As you can probably tell, there’s a LOT of characters here. One could argue too many, as it becomes evident that a few of them could be better if the show had more time to let some of them grow. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a world where The Owl House had three full seasons and all the time in the world to let all its characters blossom into their beautiful selves. But with that said, there aren’t any characters in the show that I’m willing to call bad.

Okay, Tibbles is still inadequate, but he’s still not the worst. None of them are. If any character is lower than the other, it’s due to them being unable to compare to the rest of the show’s standard. Because The Owl House managed to have an expansive cast of lovable, endearing, and complex characters, with a lot of them worth a deep-dive analysis of their own. I can’t get enough of them and they will stick with me for a while.

But as great as these characters are…how well do they work TOGETHER?

Tune into part two, and I might just tell you.

Next part

[queer-ragnelle]

so many people who write medievalisms about arthuriana: "what if I took this genuinely cool and complex female character and made her totally unrecognizably cruel and evil for literally no reason"

like leave those ladies alone!!!!! if I want to read some modern arthurian retelling it should not be more mysogynistic and cruel to women than literal actual medieval misogyny!! you are doing the good work posting about the horrors these authors visit upon medieval women so I can take those books right out of consideration when I'm looking for something to read

I’m actually glad to hear this helps, anon.

Sometimes I worry that by mentioning a bad retelling it will encourage people to seek it out for morbid curiosity. But they’re really not worth it. I buy books on sight, like recently Bedivere by Wayne Wise or The Book of Gaheris by Kari Sperring and that’s what I did for the four Lavinia Collins books. I don’t recommend this method lol but to me it’s helpful as a writer to determine what I don’t like in a retelling and also I can then make informed recommendations or warnings for others. Sometimes a book is great until the end like The Bright Sword by Lev Grossman and I would still recommend it, but others I dropped or skimmed the remainder of like The Winter Knight by Jes Battis.

What kills me is when people recommend a book to me like “You should read Persia Woolley’s trilogy, it’s great! Has all the characters!” Then you open it up and Guinevere is so misogynistic and callous to the women she meets it’s completely insufferable. Palomides is an orphaned slave and constantly othered as “the Arab.” Isolde is a child bride. Agravaine is despised by everyone and literally has a mental breakdown after finally snapping from child sexual abuse, kills Morgause, and is thrown into prison to rot. Then he’s released to kill Pellinore and Dinadan so Gawain and Gaheris can be let off the hook. Ragnelle is there. But at what cost? The subtext is kinda racist to her and Gingalain anyway because they’re dark skin “wild” fay people that don’t speak the language so her loathly lady storyline has….bad vibes. Gingalain coming to court and weirding people out with his appearance and then dropping dead outside Guinevere’s chamber was not it for Fair Unknown enjoyers like myself.

I could go on it’s kind of endless. My goal though is to focus on what’s good out there. It can be challenging bc when are the Orkney bros ever all good at the same time? Almost never. So there’s a trade off—are a great Gawain, Agravaine, Gaheris, and Gareth worth it if Mordred is tying women to the bed to rape and mutilate them? (Guinevere Evermore by Sharan Newman) The highs and lows are so extreme it’s maddening. But I’ll do my best to recommend things worth reading even with the yucky stuff. Maybe I’ll make pros and cons of each….

[zeevoidlight]

I was watching Springtrap and Deliah for the first time and I'm not too deep into it yet but there's certainly some things that I don't like at all as in they feel too... dumb, others that I feel they are on point, even more than other media out there. It's a mix bag.

But I'm on the part where Springs is talking about his motives with Deliah, and although I have some mixed thoughts on it got me thinking of videogame/canon Springtrap motives.

Of course we're never supposed to know the actual motives (until the books came and say that it was because he's looking for immortality or whatever weird remnant mad scientist retcon thing happened there), that's left to interpretation and I wouldn't like it any other way because it gives me opportunity to think of why and make that my own canon.

I don't read the books, I don't care much about them other than morbid curiosity in the same way one would like to hear the rumors of a train wreck as it's happening, I'm sure they are good on their own. And I have a different approach to the timeline/s of the game and what is canon. So let me explain that first.

My understanding and how I take the story is that there's by now three different canons and they are all valid. Three different timelines or alternate universes because of how the game's stories were planed and how they have been retconed. So we have the purple guy timeline universe, that goes from FNAF 1 to 3. Is the security guard and phone guy and possessed animatronics. FNAF 4 is in limbo between purple guy era and Afton era. Then there's another alternate universe that is the Afton era, that goes not from sister location onwards but from FNAF 1 again all the way to pizzeria simulator because it's the first retcon, which means it recontextualizes what happens in the first games, so it should be considered separate because that doesn't mean the first ones didn't happen since the story was finished and complete at the time of FNAF 3, it just means it's another story with similar events and characters, it's an alternate reality where mad scientist and roboticist Afton is the unknown killer and Mike is the security guard and all the drama with the Emilys. And then there's Glitchtrap/mimic era, which is another another retcon the moment they put into question the validity of all previous games, it goes again from FNAF 1 to current content because it recontextualizes everything for the purpose of a new story. So for my own sanity and so I can keep enjoying all stories without having to try to make sense of them as if they are a single continuity that should make sense, I'm just treating them differently, each with their own timelines and canons and whatever. That way you don't have to try to sell me that everything needs to make perfect sense with everything and that all of it it's an epic saga with a plan and genius storytelling or anything, Scott... I don't want another Warcraft "The jailer was behind it all" and "it's the awaited epic conclusion of the 20 year long story" when it's clearly not because nothing was planned like that.... But whatever, tangent.

So, I'm going to be referring to the purple guy era here. The Purple guy universe where he was just an unknown serial killer and the supernatural is tone is just that, spirit and animatronics coming to life because they are possessed. OG FNAF.

So in this, my interpretation for why Purple guy was going around killing kids specifically is maybe because he just hates kids. Not as in "oh they are so annoying", more in like what kids are supposed to represent. It's a very dark mindset to get into but maybe he just despised to see them happy and to see their innocence. Maybe he was envious of it. Or maybe he just couldn't comprehend it. Kinda like cute-aggression (yes, it's an actual term) but to the extreme, which refers to someone seeing something so so overwhelmingly cute their mind can't comprehend it, gets overloaded and to try to remedy what's happening it resorts to hurt it or destroy it, or twist it in some way to go back to something more familiar and manageable, comprehensible and logical. And it apparently is a phenomenon that some people with a past of abuse have. So, I don't know what could have been the motive for why he ends up hating kids. Maybe the only way he comprehends it is to destroy it because he himself didn't had that as a child or in life so it doesn't compute. Maybe he doesn't hate them, maybe he even envies them or admires them, but it's the only way he can comprehend it and tolerate actually seeing it. Who knows, it's something really twisted and wrong of course because he's a serial killer, but that's why I think FNAF 3 was so impactful and cool, because we defend ourselves from this guy, just one animatronic, and in the end we know he gets the same fate as his victims, and then dies finally (until he didn't) and the souls are put to rest finally. Deliah and Springtrap is a different interpretation for why. Everyone has their own theories.

This subject is dark so I'll leave at that. Will keep watching the videos and see where the story goes, which I think is set in that same Purple guy era.

[gothamsfinestdummy]

I’m waiting for Joker to say something like “Batsy, B, my dear, you are the punch to my line.”

Because that would be cute, I think.

[nox-artemis]

Kentaro Miura

It took me awhile to get my thoughts in order. Honestly, as well intentioned as they are, a constant stream of fan tributes on Twitter and Tumblr more-or-less telling me how to process “The End” of Berserk with Miura’s death didn’t do a lot to console me, so I had to take some huge steps away from social media and only conversed my feelings with my other close Berserk fan-friends.

It was very surreal waking up yesterday morning to a friend messaging me simply saying, “did you hear the news?” When shit like that happens, I go onto my Google stories app and scroll through. I didn’t find anything really worth getting too upset over (maybe a bit sad that Queen Elizabeth II’s doggo died?) so it hit me to check my Twitter feed instead.

And that’s when I saw it.

We all know death is inevitable, and life is pretty much spent prolonging the point to that inevitability as well as preparing ourselves for when it happens to us or someone close to us. Being part of the Berserk fandom was the only time we all collectively had this on our mind not only for someone else but for someone we never met or really knew that much about. We only knew Miura through his magnum opus – and that was good enough for us. And no matter how much we discussed the worst-case scenario – pondering how the story would continue and how WE would continue – it still wasn’t enough to prepare us for this amount of shock. Hearing Miura had died and that the Berserk we know and love under his direct supervision is over truly felt like losing a long-lost friend.

It wasn’t just that the Berserk we know of is “over”, but that Miura didn’t have to die. He was only 54: not a young age, but not an old age either, especially by today’s standards. He could have seen the end to his magnum opus the way he envisioned it, yet he died of something so avoidable but is only brought about by a great deal of stress (from what I’ve read). It was always a morbid open rumor that so many of Miura’s infamous hiatuses were actually mental and/or physical health breaks, so the older or more conscious of us fans, while always eager and anxious for a new chapter, learned to not take them so personally. Miura was a spellbinding artist and storyteller, but he was also a human with his own life and conflicts that he was entitled to address at his own pace. This isn’t meant to blame anyone (at the very least, maybe to address some societal/industry issues), but it’s troubling enough to remind everyone – as the story of Berserk has demonstrated – that you need to take care of yourself physically and mentally, and while everyone struggles in life, you don’t have to struggle alone.

I always despised this weird cult of youth that insinuates that life isn’t worth pursuing once you hit your mid-thirties, and how some people so engulfed in their youth insist that they wouldn’t mind dying by the age of 50 or 60. It’s a shame when people live by that because there’s so much to live for beyond your youth – as I’ve learned, I only started buckling down when I transitioned into my thirties. Miura could have had a longer life ahead of him, going beyond Berserk and into his other endeavors, professional and personal, but that will unfortunately never happen now.

Everyone knows I have a lot of thoughts and opinions on Berserk. Most of you found out about me through my blogging several years ago, and I’m pretty proud that I was never the sort of fan that groveled at Miura’s feet and treated Berserk as some untouchable holy book: there were things I disliked about Berserk and things that disappointed me about Miura’s writing, but there were SO MANY MORE THINGS that I loved about Berserk and was proud of Miura for, and I wished him to continue his advancement in narrative growth. He did so and we watched it happened.

And, by meeting so many friends and acquaintances through the fandom, we saw a lot in ourselves change too. It’s surreal how we always joked that it would be one of us fans who would die before Berserk ended or the worst-case scenario of Miura dying; maybe some of us secretly preferred for that happen. But when we weren’t waiting around for another chapter… look at how much we’ve done with our lives! We graduated high school, undergrad, grad school, started and advanced our careers, traveled the world, got together, popped out a kid or two!... And while we experienced a lot of downfalls and tragedies that coincide, can you believe how much we have accomplished together?

We were all personally inspired, motivated, persuaded by Berserk in different ways: a lot of us were inspired for the better and admittedly, some for the not-as-good (if spending countless hours on Tumblr has taught me, there were definitely some toxic fan takeaways that had to be confronted). I’m not going to go to the point of saying that I now live my life by Berserk’s philosophy to a T or live as a reflection of certain characters (because I’m pretty sure that Miura was trying to tell us to NOT live your life like some particular characters) but it certainly helped to brings some aspects of life and existence into perspective, through the lenses of so many characters. Berserk also inspired me to write more, an already favorite pastime of mine, and how I should go about writing and planning a story, taking cues from Berserk on how to and how NOT to write and approach things in my own way, which I think is for the best in the long run. I can only dream that I’ll be published someday – which doesn’t have to be a pipe dream because it’s still much more possible than impossible. And so many other have done the same, creating our own stories and works.

And OF COURSE Berserk inspired me to be a little bit badass from time to time in moments of frivolity and seriousness – but it reminds us all that being badass and being a kinder person who tries to become the best version of themselves are not mutually exclusive. We definitely need more of that in today’s world.

We all made our own little bonfires of dreams happen, and because of Berserk existing, there will be a lot more beginnings than endings, and I don’t see a lot of bonfires being extinguished anytime soon. Miura poured his heart and soul into Berserk and its characters, and while he has passed on, his characters and lessons will live on through us and everything we create and how we live our lives (hopefully for the better).

I was happy to share all of my thoughts with you all – and I’ll continue to do so, since the mythos of Berserk has been a major backdrop of my creative mind for over fifteen years now and there is still so much to dissect and speculate. Personally, I don’t see Berserk ending just yet, if only because I’d be surprised that Miura or his publisher didn’t have some Operation London Bridge type plan in place in the event that this happened (Berserk is, after all, a major title that most likely brings Young Animal a lot of revenue). Again, I never treated Miura or Berserk as divine untouchables, so if there are plans in place to continue Berserk without Miura (BUT with his permission) or just on how to wrap up the story to give it a fulfilling conclusion, I personally would be okay with it (as a friend of mine put it, it’d be more of a tribute than an imitation). Going beyond our lifetimes, works will continue to be interpreted and reinterpreted as they have since time immemorial; perhaps Berserk will reach that point someday.

Honestly, and many have thought so too, Berserk was also meant to be cosmic level in both scale and concept. The plot is so grand and Byzantine that, even under Miura’s direct supervision, I always had a hard time envisioning how a story of this scale would conclude. As much as we love to hate him, a final showdown between Guts and Griffith seems too simple, too “good vs. evil”-esque for Berserk. Maybe having a low-key, vague but optimistic and bittersweet wrap up is what is best for Guts, Casca, and their new-found family. But that’s just another one of my fan speculations.

Regardless or what is to become of Berserk now, I think it’s safe to give adulations. We all came across Berserk at different times in our lives and stuck with the story for different reasons. For some of us, it was just another series that our friend from the campus anime club recommended to us; for others, we were drawn in from a morbid curiosity of its dark notoriety in anime circles. A few of us read for the gratuitous violence and the clout (because we all know you’re so deep and hardcore [/sar]), but a lot more of us read for the journey and the characters that we became a part of. The heaviness of Berserk made us confront a lot of trauma and even relive our own. For some of us, understandably, it was not a good idea to dive deeper (and maybe somethings could have been handled better); for the rest of us, it helped us cope, if not entirely through the story itself, than through the support network we made for ourselves in this fandom and its many realms (some realms, I argue, are more caring and nurturing than others).

From time to time, I always wonder if I would ever “grow out” of Berserk. There were indeed several times I took a step away from fandom and have tried to reduce my exposure to the story - but I always came back in some way, because the essence of Berserk has never left me and never will. Humorously I envisioned myself actually forgetting about Berserk for several decades, decades in which I work at my career, raise my family, mourn my elders, but continue living my life, only to go on the future internet in my mid-50s to find out… Miura is STILL working on that ending, sitting at his desk in the same pose as that famous monochrome capture of him, only he’s grayed and wrinkled, like the great Miyazaki.

The possibility of that future is over, but there are so many others.

[yongtxt]

hundred [johnny]

word count: 4.5k words

characters: boxer!johnny x doctor!reader

genre: fluff

warnings: blood/wound/stitches mentions, johnny hates hospitals but he likes the pretty doctor, [im not a doctor nor a boxer pls dont say that i have info wrong because I Know]

author’s note: i know this isnt long to some of u but to me it is and i havent written this much for so long im so proud of myself for finishing this:( it isnt that good but this is the first long fic ive written in a while and shhsdjk also i needed to get this out of my system ive thought about this au since that jcc came out where johnny and hyuck was doing muay thai plssss (i couldnt find a better gif tho) ok this is getting too long / feedback is appreciated tysm

Johnny Suh hated hospitals with a burning passion.

It wasn't from a past trauma nor was he afraid of it, it wasn't that serious. He wasn't exactly sure what the cause of it really was. If he had to make a guess, it was probably from the accumulation of the little things, the insignificant factors people would usually dismiss but bothered him enough that it contributed to the big hatred he built for hospitals.

Maybe it was the distinct smell of hospitals, it reeked of death and old people. Maybe it was the atmosphere of the fluorescent-lit hallways, always gloomy and heavy. Maybe it was also the fact that the fees were so expensive and yet the food they provide tasted horrible, even the coffee was a hit or miss. The only upside he could think of was people get better in hospitals, but even that wasn't assured.

Despite how much Johnny despised hospitals, he always finds himself coming back. If he wanted to get better, he had no choice but to go. He would endure the gruesome process over and over again whether it be to treat his wounds or to stitch his cuts.

With his jaw littered with small bruises and his lips busted at the corner, he sat impatiently on the hospital bed as he waited for his doctor. He was fiddling with his fingers, knuckles bruised the same way his face was. He looked beaten up, he always did.

The clothes he wore contradicted the state he was in, they were fresh and laid back. He looked like a college student from the way he dressed. A delinquent more like, if one considered his cuts and bruises. Before heading to the hospital, he always makes it a point to shower and make himself appear presentable to the public. Although no one really bothers to take notice of his effort, only him.

The sliding door opened and Johnny's attention shot up from his phone, his gaze meeting with yours. Your head popped in, peaking through the small crack you made. Your eyes lit up in recognition as it always did whenever you see him.

"Youngho-ssi?" You spoke almost as if it was a question, voice barely above a whisper to make sure you were in the correct room, about to tend the correct patient.

Johnny didn't understand why you always did that, call out his name as if this was the first time you were seeing him. At that point, you've been already acquainted with him enough due to his numerous trips to the hospital. Either way, he nods every time.

You gave him a small smile, widening the door enough so you could enter. You wore a white lab coat, a name tag pinned to your chest and a stethoscope hung around your neck. You were small, although anyone compared to him was bound to be comparatively smaller – that wasn't the point, you looked young and that never fails to astound him every time you go through the door.

You had a clipboard in your hands, scanning through what he assumed to be his condition that a nurse had written earlier after a quick checkup and disinfection of his open wound. Your lips were formed on a tight line, eyebrows furrowed. He continued to stare at you with such amusement.

"You don't have to answer my question, Youngho-ssi, but why are you always here?" You finally broke the silence, startling him in the slightest. You never bothered to ask before, always just offering smiles and small talks while you did your work; maybe his sudden regularity of coming to the hospital recently made your curiosity peaked.

He couldn't blame you. Anybody would be curious why a 24-year-old man keeps coming back to the hospital with no clear explanation.

He cleared his suddenly dry throat, he never liked saying his job. He said, "I box for a living."

"Ah, that makes sense!" Your eyes visibly glimmered, absentmindedly jotting down notes on his medical records. "My coworkers and I thought you were in a gang or something."

"I don't think I would be allowed to be here if I was." He chuckled, making you giggle as well.

"Seo Youngho, 24, minor lip laceration in need of immediate suture." You read of his data from the clipboard, almost comically. It was medical terms he was unfortunately already too familiar with, to him, it basically meant that he had a busted lip that needs to be sewed shut.

"You can just call me Johnny. Youngho sounds too formal to me." He said nonchalantly. You nodded your head to his simple request; it probably was best if you got to know him better since he frequented the hospital so much.

"Alright, Johnny. We'll start the process now, okay?"

With keen eyes, he watched you slip on a pair of surgical gloves. You grabbed a tissue from the metal tray that sat beside him and began folding it into squares. He felt his heartbeat quicken, he hated getting stitches or any form of medical treatments for that matter, but as morbid as it was, he thought of it as punishment for his recklessness in the ring.

"Isn't boxing just, I don't know, senseless violence?" You asked, tone dripping with pure innocence and unadulterated interest as you gently dabbed away the remaining dried blood the nurse failed to clean earlier.

"It's a sport, it's how I bring money to the table." He pursed his lips, ignoring the twinge of pain that surged through his nerves. He visibly relaxed when you placed a hand onto his shoulder to reassure him.

Ever since the first time you got assigned to him, the first thing he took note of was the softness of your hands. You handled him as if he was fragile glass, despite how he easily towered over you. He felt pathetic as a 24-year-old but your gentle touches would greatly help put him at ease.

"I guess. I didn't mean to be rude." You were hesitant, Johnny could tell but he was glad you didn't push on any further. He couldn't handle explaining his occupation when you were about to pierce his skin. "Okay, Johnny, now that your lip is clean and the anesthesia had seeped in, we'll start. I think you know how it goes by now."

"Make it quick, please." He nodded, squinting his eyes shut at the mere contact of a surgical pen grazing over his gaped lips. You were relieved that his cut wasn't too big, you couldn't stomach the idea of putting him in too much pain for longer.

As you picked up the tweezers and string of nylon, you couldn't help but laugh at the six-foot boxer in front of you who was clearly petrified of getting stitches, "This will be done as soon as you know it. You won't really feel it because of the anesthesia, remember? Now count to a hundred backward for me."

Once the numb feeling of nylon dragged through his lips, he swore he saw white spots flicker in his vision. His eyes immediately watered and he tried his best not to squirm under your hold, beginning to count to a hundred backward like you had instructed him to. You admitted it to him the first time you stitched him that it was a trick that you learned from your pediatrician friend. Despite it being for children, it helped to get him distracted while you focused on your job.

Minutes felt like hours, Johnny had been fighting the urge to punch something, anything, to release tension and nerves. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he took a peak and tried to take his attention away from what was currently happening on his lip. His gaze landed on your pretty eyes, how it was narrowed in focus and how your lashes perfectly framed it.

This wasn't the first time he'd observe you up close, there had been many occasions in the past that you had been too close for comfort in order to tend his wounds. It had been too many that it was almost as if he was close to memorizing your features. You were not only beautiful but you were also a smart and capable doctor.

Eventually, you finished and started to rub ointment on his sore lip — the finishing line.

"Try not to eat anything spicy or hard. You know the drill." You grinned at his suddenly pale features, ripping off your gloves as his eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the room. "You're good to go. Be careful next time."

He let out a shaky breath, clearly still winded up from the procedure, "I'll try. Thanks again, doc."

-

The punching bag felt great against Johnny's fists. There wasn't a feeling in the world that could compare to the impact of leather slamming against his skin. He could last hours mindlessly pummeling the bag if his stamina just allowed him to.

Hyunsik, Johnny's manager and personal trainer, drew away from the punching bag he held in between his arms. He let out a breath and held out a hand to motion that Johnny has done enough.

Johnny was hurting, Hyunsik could see that much. The bandages he had wrapped for the boxer's fingers were turning into a shade of red that they were all too familiar with.

Hyunsik clicked his tongue, "You should've used your gloves."

"How can I grow stronger if I keep relying on them?" Johnny rolled his eyes. His muscles needed a boost and this seemed to be the only logical way to strengthen them — a little blood never hurt anybody.

"Someday you're gonna fracture your hand and you'll be forced out of the ring. Remember that." Hyunsik huffed, his voice stern. "Take them off, I'll clean the blood off."

Johnny reluctantly did as told, unfurling the bandages wrapped around his fingers. The pain was excruciating when the fabric grazed along his tender skin, he winced at the unsightly view of his reopened wounds.

Hyunsik led him back outside of the ring to the benches where the first aid kit was. He made the boxer sit down so he could start cleaning off his wounds. It looked horrific, more so than it usually did and he had no choice but to break the news to Johnny.

"It looks really bad. You need to go get that checked in the hospital and have it sewed back." Hyunsik said, taking a wet towel and carefully dabbing it across Johnny's bloodied knuckles.

He didn't want to go to the hospital. Going to the hospital to have his wounds treated meant that Johnny would be medically required to take days off work to let his hand heal. Johnny frowned, "Don't you have an ointment or something that could help? I can't afford to lose a day of practice."

"Don't you think I know that?" Hyunsik rolled his eyes. "As your manager, I want you to be in top shape for your match next week, even if it means sacrificing a day or two for you to heal."

Johnny could only nod. He sat through Hyunsik's lecture on the changes he should make to his dietary plan and the exercises he should do during his temporary break. It infuriated him that he couldn't do anything about it but nod along.

The incoming match that was set next week would make or break his career as an underground boxer. He didn't have the option of missing it because of some measly reopened wounds. If he had to rest to get better, he had no choice but to suck it up. This was his fault anyway for pushing himself too much.

Johnny showered in the locker rooms and changed into nicer clothes that didn't reek of blood and sweat. His hands were stinging but he shook it off.

He ignored the concerned looks other boxers were giving him and begrudgingly made his way to the hospital to get himself checked in. You wouldn't be happy to see him all bloodied again, he thought.

-

Much to Johnny's surprise, it wasn't you who was assigned to him. It was a much older doctor with graying hair and a nose stuck too far up in the air. She was rude and condescending, her lack of politeness to her patients was quite appalling. If Johnny wasn't in such a bad mood, he might've complained already.

God, this day couldn't get any worse.

With a meek voice, Johnny asked where you were and at the mention of your name, his doctor gave him a narrowed look. She sneered, "She's handling much more important cases. Does she know you?"

"I think so." Johnny gulped, unsure of the answer himself.

The doctor's grip was tight and she was hasty. It was as if she was trying to speed through the process to just get it over with. Johnny wanted to cry because he was starting to get traumatized by this doctor's procedure, he didn't want to hate the hospital more than he already did.

He internally screamed for your name as he watched the doctor pull on the gloves. The sliding door harshly whipped open and there you were in all your glory, like an angel sent from above to save him from the devil incarnate who was about to pierce his skin.

You were panting and the sheen on your forehead made it obvious that you ran your way to his room. Johnny's heart leaped with glee.

"Unnie, I'll handle him." You said, unable to catch your breath as you made your way inside. "I think the ER needs you more than me."

The doctor seemed hesitant at first but you tried to convince her otherwise. She eventually agreed and left you with Johnny who had a cheesy smile on his face the entire time since you've arrived.

"So Johnny, what happened this time?" You asked, picking up the clipboard that sat next to him on the bed.

"I overdid the punching during training and it reopened some old wounds on my knuckles. It hurts like a bitch."

You pulled a face, "That's a bit intense."

He chuckled, "It's normal."

"Can I please see it?" You opened your palm so he could place his hand on yours. You observed his cuts and the scabs that were beginning to form around it, it was too deep to let it heal on its own so you made the verdict that he needed to get it sewed back together ⁠— as unfortunate as it was since he was a boxer and he needed his hands to box.

You tugged on a new pair of gloves and began the painful procedure, Johnny started counting down even without you instructing him to. You quickly got to work and stitched back his wounds with your lip in between your teeth

Johnny felt squeamish, he could never get used to the feeling of stitches. His eyes were glued shut and he mumbled numbers like it was mantra.

Once you were done, you smiled fondly at your work. You managed to get by with fewer stitches and you felt pride swell up in your chest. Johnny noticed and, as lightheaded as he was, couldn't help but smile as well.

"You're pretty good."

"At stitching?"

Johnny nodded with his cheeks flushed, he made a mental reminder to smack himself in the head later for such a crude comment. You probably thought he was an idiot now.

"I sure hope so." You chuckled, making him blush even deeper if that was even possible. "It's part of my job."

Johnny shook his head in embarrassment, his dark hair bouncing from how vigorously he did it. He mumbled, "That sounded really lame and not smooth, I'm sorry. Please forget I opened my mouth."

You could only chuckle as you apply the ointment around his knuckles. He wanted the ground to open up and just swallow him whole.

"Please let this heal completely, Johnny. Don't apply any strain on your injuries for a couple of days and refrain yourself from carrying anything heavy so that the stitches won't rip." You said, carefully placing down his hand back on his knee. You were gentle as ever, Johnny swooned. "Absolutely no punching for a while."

"I have an important match at the end of next week. Is there any way to speed up the healing process?" Johnny asked, his eyes were almost pleading at you and you blinked at him in surprise.

"Apart from what I just said, there's really nothing else you could do." You pursed your lips, watching his expression visibly deflate. "If you want to have even a sliver of a chance at winning your match, I suggest you do as I say. Your stitches won't take too long to heal, I promise."

If Hyunsik was there with him, he would've probably already scolded him but the point would be the same. He had always prioritized Johnny's health above winning.

"Okay, doc. I'll do my best." Johnny said, defeated.

"You know, I always see the aftermath of your matches and your training. I want to see you in the ring next time when you're not bloody and beaten up yet." You smiled at him and you swore that all the color that was previously drained from Johnny's face came rushing back. "If it's okay."

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, almost dumbfounded. Did the pretty doctor he'd been crushing on for months really just asked if she could watch his match?

You nodded with the same hue of red now tainting your cheeks.

"O-Of course! It's on Saturday next week! Please come and cheer me on!" Like a little kid, he excitedly rambled on about the details about the upcoming match and you nodded with the same enthusiast as you wrapped bandages around his hands.

You weren't from his world so everything he said sounded foreign to you. The terms he said, the infamy of his opponents, the prominence of it all — you were eager to learn it if it meant seeing him this happy.

You've always known that he hated hospitals. It was clear from the way he acted during your first meeting. He was stiff and tense, the body language he exuded just screamed that he wanted nothing more than to get the hell out of there. As he visited the hospital more and more, you noticed the hatred never faltered. He only became better at hiding it from you.

To see him so relaxed and carefree within the four walls he hated with all his being, it was a breath of fresh air and the feeling you had in your chest grew stronger.

"You're good to go. I promise to see you in your match." You were jotting some last-minute details on the clipboard and you missed the way Johnny kept grinning like an idiot. "As much as I love seeing you here, I hate that you keep getting yourself injured. Keep out of trouble for me, Johnny."

You left the room without letting Johnny say another word.

Fuck, Johnny realized he hadn't asked for your number.

-

Johnny's match started in ten minutes. His heart was pounding in his ears, he almost couldn't hear what Hyunsik was shouting to him.

The underground stadium was filled to the brim with people, he felt more nervous than he did during his first boxing match. A lot was at stake for this win, he needed the belt. He was desperate for it.

"Johnny, are you listening to me?" Hyunsik raised his voice, aggressively slapping Johnny's cheeks together in his hands so he could focus on him. The boxer's mind was fleeting and it was his job to pull him back to reality now.

He hadn't seen you since last week and as much as he wanted to go back to the hospital to see you, he refused to badly hurt himself in the days that led up to the match. Johnny scanned the crowd for your face but he couldn't see it. You weren't there.

At the lack of your turnout, he failed to mask his disappointment. Hyunsik let out an aggravated groan and pulled the boxer on his feet to berate him further.

"Johnny, please for the love of all things holy, look me in the eye."

"I'm sorry. I'm okay now. I'm listening."

"Good because your match is starting soon and I need you to win this. All your hardships and sacrifices boils down to this match, you hear me?" Hyunsik bellowed, trying his best to keep his voice louder than the cries and chants of the audience. "Show them what Johnny Suh is capable of!"

Johnny nodded fervently, forcing himself into a state of serenity of peacefulness. He let out heavy breaths to even out his breathing as his team surrounded him, prepping him for what was about to come.

Hyunsik raised his hand at Johnny. He had five minutes left until his match started and he wasn't calming down.

"Can I please have some water?" Johnny asked and his medic stumbled on his feet to fetch him a bottle from the nearby cooler. He couldn't help but let out a shaky chuckle, his team seemed tenser than he was.

He downed the bottle as soon as it reached his hand. His hand was shaky. Goddammit, why was he so nervous?

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hyunsik making his way over to the barricade that separated his corner to the rest of the stadium. He arched his neck in a way that would let him take a peek what was so important that Hyunsik had to leave his side when the match was starting in a few minutes.

It seemed like Hyunsik was trying to stop a girl who was forcing her way in through the barricade. His stomach lurched at the sight of her familiar face.

As if he was acting purely on instinct, Johnny shot up from his seat and ran towards you. Hyunsik held up his arm to stop him from going any closer to you. You could've been a deranged fan, for all Hyunsik knows.

"Johnny-"

"I know her."

Hyunsik was startled at his response and started to profusely apologize to you. You looked nothing but smug and Johnny let out a breathy laugh that helped unravel the knots in his stomach. The boxer quietly motioned for him to take his leave and Hyunsik hesitantly did as told only after tapping his wrist as a sign that time was ticking.

You bowed at him apologetically, "I'm so sorry I'm late! There was this damn patient-"

"It's okay. You're here now." He cut you off, a cheesy smile on his face. You easily reciprocated it back.

"I just came down here to wish you good luck." You said with the usual confidence in your tone gone and now replaced with a sudden timidness and bashfulness. "Not like you need it or anything."

"Where are you sitting?" Johnny asked, noticing that you were struggling to keep your attention on his eyes. He peered down and realized that he didn't have a shirt on, he chuckled.

You pointed near the walls of the stadium and he strained his vision to see so far away. He pursed his lips and let out a noise of discontent. You said that it was the only seats available because you were so late.

"Why don't you sit here with them? They wouldn't mind." Johnny said, jutting his thumb over to his team who was furtively watching his interaction.

"Oh no, it's okay."

"I insist. I want you to see me win up close."

You blushed a deep shade of scarlet and Johnny grinned at his successful attempt at a flirt. Was it even a flirt or was it an ego stroke? Either way, it didn't matter because you were smiling at him. You were easing his nerves and you didn't even know.

"I got out of my shift early so I wouldn't be in the hospital later to stitch you up." You teased, softly prodding his shoulder blade.

Johnny playfully puffed out his chest, "I don't plan on getting too injured today, I wanna look cool in front of you."

"Whatever you say, Johnny."

"But I'm nervous. I'm actually really nervous today." Johnny mumbled as if he didn't want anyone else in on your conversation, gone all traces of his cockiness as his heart thudded erratically against his chest when he heard Hyunsik's call of the last minute until he has to go inside the ring.

You gingerly reached for his taped hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Just count back from a hundred like I always tell you to. You'll do fine."

"Wait for me after the match, okay?" And so you did.

Counting down the numbers, Johnny clambered inside the ring and the bell rang to signal the start of the match. Being in the medical field meant that you were against all forms of violence so you couldn't really watch the entirety of the match without feeling sick to your stomach. Johnny didn't care, he was just happy that you kept your promise and was cheering him on.

It was hectic and everything was happening all at once. It was loud and everybody was screaming. This wasn't your world, it was Johnny's and your heart fluttered at the thought that he was willing to let you in it.

Eventually, the match ended in Johnny's favor and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up in the air. You had the biggest smile on your face, similar to Johnny's who now had a shiny belt slung over his shoulder. All his hard work and all his trips to the hospital paid off.

"Congrats on your win!" You exclaimed, placing your palms on his chest to steady yourself.

"I wanted you to see me get the belt." He admittedly sheepishly, reaching out to hold your wrists in his bruised hands.

"Aren't you hurt in any way? We can drop by the hospital if you want." You asked, checking to see if he had any major injuries but true to his word, Johnny was inflicted little to no injuries during the match, exclude the few bruises on his jaw and a busted lip

"Actually, I'd rather we get some coffee instead." Johnny said, the small smile on his lips making you chuckle.

"I'm sorry, I don't date my patients." You smirked at Johnny's crestfallen expression, softly shoving his side to make it known that you were only joking.

Johnny pulled a face, releasing a breath he didn't realize he was holding once he realized your joke. He played along, "I think you can make me an exception, I don't usually invite people to my matches."

"So this is about getting even, huh?" You were teasing him and now your faces were merely inches apart but before Johnny could even think of leaning in, you spun around and grabbed his hand once more. "C'mon then, my treat!"

Johnny let out a laugh. A boxer and a doctor, who would've thought?

[crystalirises]

Everything for Nothing

Hi FwT :)

I missed you :)

But anyway... have this fic... 

Archive link (the fic is also on this post):

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28886223/chapters/71511123#workskin

TW: Major Character Death

Dream gazed at the ruins of New L’Manburg, water trickling past the rocks and pebbles that decorated the crater of a nation that will never win. He could hear their screams in the distance, the fruitless arguments for a war that’s already won. Dream didn’t understand why they tried so hard to fight for nothing, really. With his mask concealing the smirk on his face, he skipped and danced through the remains, waving to the survivors that glared or screamed at him as if he were a demon borne from The Nether. He relished in that, soon they’d understand why he’d done this. For now, he had to play the role of the tyrannical god, the man who takes and takes until that’s left is the memory of broken dreams and discs. He came to a stop, perching on top of a rock that gave him a clear glimpse of the area. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel some semblance of giddiness, of amusement at the thought of everything they loved… gone. Just. Like. That.

He chuckled beneath his breath, turning to see a familiar yellow sweater amongst the grey and black of the rocks. Ghostbur. The most pitiful of them all, really. To be dead yet remain to suffer.

Dream slid down, pebbles skittering past his feet as he landed a few feet beside the ghost. Perhaps the landscape of destruction would bring the real Wilbur back, not this husk of sorrow.

The ghost flitted about, hand wringing in front of him as a trail of phantom blood poured from the fatal wound in his chest. His eyes were the size of pinpricks, his form flickering in and out of view as though he were returning to the afterlife and merely holding onto the physical realm. Dream watched it all with a morbid curiosity, a faint smile on his face as the ghost finally settled to a jarring stop, peering down at a crater in the ground. Dream glanced at the reddening sky, the sun disappearing in the distance as a hint of night began to take over. There was nothing left here. Not for him, and certainly not for the L’Manburgians. He shook his head, turning to leave.

A bloodcurdling scream tore through the silence, too guttural to be human and too close to be anyone else but一 Dream turned on his heels, coming to a stop beside Ghostbur who had fallen into hysterics. Trails of blue seeped from the ghost’s fingertips, staining the bottom of the crater with their hue as Ghostbur tried to keep his fractured mind together. Dream would have laughed… if he hadn’t noticed the blood - actual blood puddling beneath a familiar body. He felt his heart stutter to a stop, the wind knocked from his lungs as the world turned to static. The shrieking fell away, everything fell away as Dream’s gaze turned to fix itself on dirt-stained ginger hair. His hands began to shake, his own horror rising in his throat as he jumped into the crater, begging the gods that he would be wrong in his assumption. There’s no way… There’s no fucking way. He felt sick, slipping against the freshly stained blood on the ground. Please, no一

Fundy’s skin was cold to the touch, his eyes staring forlornly into the sky… dead to the world. Wounds littered every part of him, one of his legs covered in bruises and disgustingly bent out of shape. His clothes were torn and singed, the hat he used to proudly wear gone as if he had lost it at some point . Dream held onto the fox hybrid’s shoulders, horrified by the soft and contented smile on his beloved’s face. It terrified him more than Fundy’s current state. He died… happy?

“S-star?” He pressed a hand against that too still cheek, spots of dried tears still visible against Fundy’s deadly pale skin. Dream felt a shaky breath escape his throat, a choked sound as he scrambled to tear away his porcelain mask. He could faintly hear the soft crunch of footsteps from above, his cries harmonizing with the ongoing wail of a heartbroken father. “Fundy一 You can’t be… I’M RIGHT HERE! LOOK AT ME! YOU CAN’T DIE LIKE THIS! Fundy… star...”

It wasn’t meant to be like this. Fundy had two lives, where did he一 Dream gripped his husband’s (gods, did he have the right to call him that?) body closer, sobs wracking through him as rage filled his mind. Fundy had two lives. He did, Dream had checked everyday... except for these past few days where he had been occupied in preparing for New L’Manburg’s destruction.

Dream felt the chill of rain against his back, the falling of night basking the land in darkness. He could wait. For now, he grieves. Dream buried his face into Fundy’s chest, the heart he’d once so cared for dearly, silenced. Its melody never to play again. He hated that damned smile on his star’s face, that acceptance of death as if he didn’t care for those he’d leave behind. Dream pressed a kiss against the fox hybrid’s cold lips, what once was sweet now tasted of poison and regret. “Don’t leave me. I never even got to say goodbye. Never told you how much I loved一”

Their marriage had been strained, they both knew that ever since Dream had told the world that he cared for nothing but some child’s discs. Dream pressed a kiss against Fundy’s matted ginger curls, their shine gone as if Death chose to take everything that Dream adored. Their relationship wouldn’t die with Fundy, it died a long time ago when Dream chose power over love.

“I remember our wedding. You looked so lovely that I forgot my own wedding vows.” Dream stared into those dull gold-speckled brown eyes, “You were so nervous, twitchy and scared…”

Fundy had held his breath then when all Dream could muster was a short vow of his love, not knowing that Dream had lost himself in the memories they shared. It hadn’t been fair to cut it short, hadn’t been right to sound so hesitant when Dream had spent the previous night tossing and turning in anticipation of their marriage. “I should have told you how much I loved you.”

Dream wiped away the tears that dripped from his cheeks. What right did he have to mourn a man who’d long since despised him? “I should have loved you more than what I gave you.”

He clasped a hand over Fundy’s, a glimpse of yellow at the edge of his periphery as the wailing sobs of a ghost rang in his ear. “I spent hours on my vows, and I never got to tell them. It seems ironic to say now, but I owe it to you... Fundy, I thought I was incapable of a love so pure. I knew love, but not the one you gave to me oh so freely. You showed a heartless man how to love.”

He could eyes glaring at him from the darkness, their battered and exhausted audience no doubt ready to strike the moment he’d so much as move. Dream won’t let them stop him, it was not his final time to lose yet… not when a life he held dear has been lost. “I tried to dissuade you at the start, to turn you down before you’d realize just how unlovable I really was. You insisted with date after date, refusing to give up even after everything I did. At the previous war, the 16th war, I thought you’d finally leave. But you didn’t. If I were to be real, and I want to be real, I fell for you after the fifth date. No, I loved you before then. It scared me, everyday with you. Some days when we’d fall asleep in each others’ arms, I feared the day, feared you’d leave come morning.”

The sleepless nights where he’d lay awake in fear that Fundy would leave him alone and wanting in the morning… he never did. “You never left… You never would, and I’m sorry I can’t say the same. I worried a lot about you leaving me that I never thought that I’d be the one leaving you.”

Dream took a shaky breath, lifting Fundy’s hand to his lips, the wedding ring shining brightly against Fundy’s cold dead fingers. “For whatever it’s worth… I am honored to have met you. To have been loved by you.”

With his free hand, Dream slowly closed Fundy’s eyes. If he pretended, it almost felt as if Fundy was sleeping. Gods only knew how many hours Dream memorized his beloved’s sleeping face, and he knew it was never this peaceful. For only in death could Fundy ever really feel peace.

“I’m happy to be… to have been your husband, though I was never the greatest. If I could, I would do anything to wake up beside you again… for just one last morning.” He held back a choked sob, letting his tears fall for everyone to see. “I love you. I loved you so… but I guess…”

Dream smiled, broken and lost, “It was never meant to be.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fundywastaken continues to break my heart. It is only right that I retaliate. But ye... hope you guys like this and... bye! :DDD

[dezmondmyles]

haha ok i got tagged by @taruyison ilu <3

alright cool lets do this

Would You Rather - Fanfic Version

Do you prefer friends to lovers or enemies to lovers? Aw man, do I gotta choose? I really love both, but there’s something a little more mmm, intimate, about enemies to lovers.

Would you rather be forced to watch a terrible movie adaptation of your favorite fanfic or an amazing adaptation of your least favorite fanfic? "terrible” and “amazing” are very subjective, and I love trashy movies/games that are fun to watch/play so that’s kinda my attitude with fanfics haha.

Would you rather read fanfic chapters backwards or read them as parsed from google translate? Backwards? I guess? If I have to translates a fic, uhh, I just Don’t lmao.

Would you rather consume every fanfic as an audiobook read by a monotone narrator or have to read on a tiny printed piece of papers written in yellow highlighter? If I had to choose, probably the audiobook. My eyes have trouble reading black text on white background sometimes as it is.

Would you rather get a tattoo on your body of every fanfic title you read or never read fanfic again? Never read fanfic again ahahaha. I’ve read some trashy fanfic just based on the equally dubious title before.

Do you prefer vampire au or werewolf au? If you know anything about me as a person.... Well you know that answer. And if you don’t, it’s uh, werewolf.  

Would you rather get sold to a boy band or be stuck in a time loop with your love interest? Time loop I guess? I never listened to 1D.

Would you rather kill your favorite character or marry your least favorite character? What if my favorite character is already dead?? Also what’s stopping me from marrying my least, killing them, and cashing out on the life insurance??

Would you rather meet your love interest in a coffee shop au or college au? My big brain take is to combine both- The local coffee shop near campus. Boom.

Would you rather have your fic history leaked or never read another fanfic again? Again, I’ll just never read again lmaaaao.

Would you rather be able to read amazing fanfiction but it always has an mpreg plot twist or only read bad fanfiction for the rest of your life? I uh, wrote?? Some of the mpreg in a reasonable semi-thought out fashion?? Also I’ve already spent most of my reading subjectively bad fanfic so like, idk.

Would you rather gay ships or straight ships? I can do both?? Also are we talking gay-gay ships or “these two are in a samesies relationship but theyre bi” ship? cause i can do that too.

Would you rather ship a rarepair with almost no content or a pair with lots of content but almost all of it is cracky nightmare smut? Honey I’m already in rarepair hell don’t even talk to me lmfao.

Would you rather see your otp shatter years after their happily ever after or never have the happily ever after happen in the first place? I mean, both is already like, the Thing with them anyway lmfao. I fuck hard with bittersweet endings all the same.

Would you rather read a poorly written but complete fanfic or a literary masterpiece last updated june 2013? I mean I do both. The former esp if the content is compelling enough for me to continue reading just to see how much more terrible it can get.

Would you rather read SSSS++++ tier smut with almost 11k words or 70k words worth of fluff? I can do both, the fluff will probably make me cry though in the end lmao you don’t get that many words of fluff without something sad in there

Would you rather read only alternate universe fanfics or only canon fanfics? My bread and butter is AU by virtue of being a crossover shipper. No matter how close to canon I get with either, it’s still ultimately AU. Plus, canon is dumb af anyway for both so i’m doing everyone a favor lmao.

Would you rather introduce fanfics to your normie friend with an ongoing smut fic with great writing or a complete fluff fic with terrible writing? Depends on the normie. I have non-fandom friends who enjoy writing and reading as much as I do, and I feel like that a well written smut and fluff fic would be more compelling to them, if not just to analyze the characters.

Would you rather read your notp with all your favorite tropes and perfect characterization or your otp with tropes you despise and inconsistent characterization? I think I’d pick the notp honestly. Listen, anything can become an otp with the right convincing in my book. Though, for most of my notps, they employ a lot of similar annoying tropes I hate seeing in most of my otps so like, can’t win them all.

Would you rather have a major character death or have a bed sharing scene but it’s a ship you hate? Major Character Death in the bed they were sharing.

Would you rather every fanfic includes Jackson Wang or every fanfic includes at least one nsfw moment? dunno who that is so I guess one nsfw moment it is.

Would you rather read a fanfic that has constant grammar and spelling mistakes or one that the characters are wildly different than canon? Have you read any of my fics I’m the worst speller/grammarererrr ever. However, I can take “wildly different” to a certain point in the case of many AUs where you kinda have to fudge things a little for the sake of your setting.

Would you rather read the most absolutely messed up dead dove with your most wholesome ship or subject yourself to 100,000 words of your notp all written in a solid block with no punctuation and horrible grammar? Dead Dove, no contest.

Would you rather have the power to read every fanfic in existence or have the power to make any ship canon? Any ship canon. I literally have no interest in read every single fanfic ever.

Would you rather read a cringy 70 chapter harry styles mafia au or a high school kpop au y/n fic with horrible grammar? At least I know who Harry Styles is lmfao.

Would you rather have your otp get together in canon but one of them dies in a tragic way or all members of your otp survive but get together with other people? They’re already dead in their respective canons so it can’t get worse from here right?

Would you rather accidentally send your boss a super detailed smut fic or read a super detailed smut fic about your boss? I think the latter because I would rather I lose respect for my boss than the other way around lol.

Would you rather read smut fanfic aloud to your parents or submit smut fanfic to the employer of your dream job? Like taru asked, what is the context. I think the latter though if it was allowed and it’s explicitly what they wanted.

Would you rather pine after an oblivious love interest or be the oblivious love interest pined after? I’m both irl (probably lmao)

Would you rather hanahaki disease or your soulmate’s first words to you tattooed on your body (and they’re really stupid)? I had to look up what hanahaki was lol, so I guess soulmate’s first words. And I mean, how much more stupid would mine be anyway?

Would you rather be an alpha, beta, or omega in omegaverse? None, I hate omegaverse with a passion. You can’t dress it up in any form possible to make me enjoy it. Idc what character(s) is/are in it, it bugs the fuck out of me.

Would you rather read a fanfic where the characters turn into furries or a fanfic where the characters all get pregnant? I mean, out of morbid curiosity, I’d wanna read both?? I’d hate it but I’d attempt to read it at least once?

Would you rather be able to resurrect dead fics or have the power to create a plethora of new fics effortlessly? New fics, so long as they’re getting completed on top of that ahaha.

whoo, that was fun! it’s been a while since i’ve done one of these memes. thanks for the tag, taru!

ok so i guess i’ll tag in return: @cooldadmondmiles @theladyisapirate and @seventhstrife

have fun friendos!

[fe8meta]

The War’s Legacy

As a volunteer archivist at a local historical site, I’ve worked closely with books and documents largely between 150~250 years old. (If you’re curious, mostly regarding the period between the American Revolution to the Civil War, plus the anti-slavery movement. There’s also more “domestic” stuff like agriculture, science, mathematics, and religion.)

It got me thinking: In Magvel, how will the war, and the people who participated in it, be remembered? Most characters have a good portion of their lives left to live after the war too, but for those who are remembered down the line, their participation in the war will probably be their biggest accomplishment.

To start things off: more likely than not, anyone who wasn’t royalty or an important military figure is probably going to get forgotten, especially if fighting in the war was their only achievement.

(From my experience as an archivist, I’ve noticed that a great deal of people who were seen as the big movers and thinkers during their time have been lowered to one-note and forgettable in some 150-ish years of history. That’s not a lot of time!)

I think the list of characters who are remembered decades after their deaths on a continental scale (some characters may remain important figures in their own communities) would be the royals, the generals (Seth plus the Imperial Generals), and the Demon King (plus his cult).

The Royals

Ephraim: Regarding the war, Ephraim will probably get his war strategies and accomplishments written about. I expect a great deal of historians (particularly Renaian ones) debating his decision to abandon his homeland and bring the fight into Grado, though his later decisions will probably receive praise.

Eirika: Honestly? I think she’ll largely receive praise from future historians. Despite getting tricked at Renvall and the blunder of losing the Sacred Stone (on her route), I think historians would agree that her calculations were solid based on the information she knew at the time. Even if she had Seth advising her, she had no formal training in tactics or the art of war, making her achievements even more impressive.

~ / ~ / ~

Innes: Like Eirika, I think he’d be validated by historians, particularly for being the only one to actually predict and prepare for a wartime scenario. Of course, hindsight is 20/20, but based on what we know of him story-wise, he probably would go down as one of the best leaders of his time.

Tana: She’s gutsy and I think she’ll at least become a popular figure for young women. Some historians may lambast her earlier captures attributable to her inexperience, but hey, if she got out alive than it’s not too bad. I think later in life, being largely free to do whatever she wants (within reason), she’d continue onto a path of public service, which she can probably gather great acclaim for.

~ / ~ / ~

L’Arachel: I think a lot of attention will go towards her theatrics. If you go with the idea that L’Arachel doesn’t actually lead her country (see the Solo Endings JP vs. EN post for details), I think her relationship with the other royals and how she’s involved in continental politics will be the primary focus in biographies. (She also, perhaps not coincidentally, has supports with all the other ruling royals, discounting Tana as she canonically never lands in a leadership position.)

Joshua: Joshua’s reputation will be very, very mixed down the line. He’s still has wanderlust and a gambling addiction, and regardless of his accomplishments as a king and Jehanna’s glorious revival, neither of those traits are a particularly good look. Not to mention that he abandoned his duty as prince for a solid 10 years, and then left Jehanna to its own devices again while going to stop the Demon King.

Even in Joshua’s dialogue after the final battle, he talks about returning to Jehanna in an almost resigned manner; no doubt he knows full well that he might not be received with open arms.

~ / ~ / ~

Lyon: Oh boy, what to say about Lyon. There are a lot of different ways this can go, branching from 3 options: Lyon’s involvement in the war is revealed in full, Lyon’s involvement is revealed but doctored to paint him in a more sympathetic light, or it gets entirely covered up/omitted and he goes down in history as an unfortunate casualty of the war.

No matter how you slice the first two options, Lyon’s legacy would definitely be extremely mixed, leaning towards the negative side. Not only is he on the wrong side of history, he’s also forced basically half the continent into the wrong side of history and ruined their military and did some very amoral things (reviving his father to use as a puppet, and by extension lying to the public, etc). Even the best doctoring can probably only redeem Lyon’s reputation from “the deepest depths of the sewers” to “neck-deep in the sewers.”

In the case where Lyon’s involvement in the war is covered up, it’s still only a matter of time before someone figures out the truth. With enough time, it can be relegated to a highly plausible and hotly-debated theory, but even so, it’s simply a matter of time. For an additional dose of irony, in this scenario, perhaps Grado nationalists down the line twist Lyon’s war into something “assertive” and depict it as the “correct” thing to do, when it was really anything but.

Vigarde: He’s in the same boat as Lyon. It really hinges on how the royals choose to depict Lyon’s situation to the public, because that will directly affect how Vigarde is seen. There’s little doubt that puppet!Vigarde’s actions probably destroyed popular opinion of him during the War. Whether he is redeemed on account of his situation or not is up for debate.

(Because the game doesn’t delve into Fado, Hayden, or Mansel much, I don’t have enough input to say how they’ll be seen by future historians.)

The Generals

Seth: He’s going to go down in history as a badass, let’s be real here. Took an attack from Valter himself to protect Eirika, didn’t let the injury debilitate him from fighting on the frontlines, mentored Eirika in the art of war during life-or-death battles, guided the twins on their journey, and continued helping them after the war’s end. Guy got things done, regardless of his personal sentiment about failing to protect King Fado.

Syrene: Technically a commander and not a general, but close enough that I’ll consider her. She... honestly doesn’t do that much on-screen. Doubtlessly she’ll be best remembered (on the battlefield) for being overpowered by the remnant of Grado’s forces, but at least she lived and (by the player’s discretion) kept all the villagers safe, so that’s something. At the very least, a coward she is not.

Carlyle: He’s going down in infamy. Like, his story can be crudely summed up as “I was loyal to Queen Ismaire partially because I wanted to bang her.” Yeah, that is not a good look. There isn’t even any interesting speculation or interpretations to make of his situation. He probably ruined the reputation of the Jehannan Army while he was at it.

Honestly, the only thing that would salvage his reputation is the fact that everyone who heard his confession is dead by the end of that battle. (Technically the map was a Seize Throne and not a Rout, but let’s be real -- we killed those guards.)

~ / ~ / ~

Duessel: The only Grado general to make it out alive. He’ll probably get a mixed reaction; those who praise him argue that he made the morally correct choice and had the nation’s best interests at heart. Some may criticize him for not acting sooner, while others may very well despise him as a traitor to the nation.

Selena: Another set of mixed reactions, though inverse from Duessel’s. She remained loyal to Vigarde to the very end, but people will debate where a knight’s loyalty should lie. It would also invite much debate over the ethics of Vigarde’s recruitment methods and whether it was a thinly-veiled manipulation tactic that citizens from poorer areas will fall for because it’s the only way to improve their livelihoods.

Glen: He’s like Syrene, except he died without doing much. If someone is interested in finding out more about him before his death, at least they have Cormag to interview. Depending on whether his two adjutants survived against Valter’s goons, if someone tracked them down, they might get a story out of them as well. That said, his history with Valter would probably be of great interest to Valter’s biographers.

~ / ~ / ~ 

Valter: Historians, psychologists, and scholars will have a field day with him and his circumstances. From his upbringing to his descent into madness and subsequent exile, to his reinstatement and brutality during the war before his ultimate death, there is a lot to unpack with him. People tend to have morbid curiosities and oh, will Valter sate that appetite.

Caellach: Caellach will probably be praised for being good at what he did even if he was ultimately on the wrong side of history. Since he started off as a mercenary, I feel like people won’t judge him too harshly. His potential betrayal and murder of Aias will be an interesting chapter to write about, though, since historians may have access to more knowledge on their pre-war relationship that we players don’t have.

Riev: He’s ugly, a Demon King cultist, and directly responsible for Lyon’s (and by extension, Grado’s) downfall. He’s going to be reviled for sure, though he will spark some interesting discussion relating to his history with the Rausten Church. A lot of speculation on how he came to became an adherent of the Demon King... or not, depending how whether that kind of talk is suppressed.

After all, if a former bishop converted, it not only challenges the legitimacy of the Rausten Church, it would also pique the interest of those who want to see what made Riev change his mind. And should someone also adopt his ideology, the continent can’t take another Demon King revival attempt.

Which leads me to...

The Demon King

Now, this will be a little game called “How many generations will it take before the Demon King gets relegated to a legend that no one believes in again.”

It’s also pretty important that the Demon King is not completely destroyed; he just no longer has his huge menacing body to use and will have to make do with those fragile human flesh sacks. But his soul is still intact, and if nothing is done to get rid of it for good, it’s setting up for a Part 3.

Like with Lyon, how information about the Demon King is handled by the characters after the world will probably have a huge impact. Not to mention the many implications the circumstances around his possession of Lyon has. Dark/ancient magic will most certainly face a resurgent wave of discrimination, far more than seen before. (Magvel was, from what we could see, largely apathetic about dark magic before Lyon’s attempts to redeem its name. Ironically, his actions will rekindle hatred towards it.)

As aforementioned, educating people on the Demon King and how dangerous he is may help ensure that nobody tries to mess with him again. On the other hand, it may inspire copycats who for whatever reason want the Demon King to be revived. (The game also never followed up on the implication that there’s a cult that worships the Demon King; we killed Riev and Novala, and destroyed Fomortiis’ body, but there may still be more members lurking in the dark.)

Meanwhile, trying to bury information about Fomortiis can also backfire down the line, especially if people don’t learn what the Sacred Stone is for and one day crack the seal open for one reason or another. (And we saw how well keeping the true Stone hidden behind trinkets while keeping its wearer in the dark of its true purpose went.)

This is making me imagine Demon King apologists down the line that provide an “alternative history” about the war and how it’s all some ancient conspiracy to lock him away and he “isn’t actually bad, just misunderstood”...

Oh hey, isn’t that the direction Dragalia Lost’s main story is going in?

[magistralucis]

"Dance with me." - Captain/Franck (I dare you to make it work. >:]c )

54: “Dance with me.”

——————–

Relations between himself and the intruder has improved significantly by the time that year’s Christmas banquet rolls around. The Captain hums around his glass, already mildly tipsy from the champagne, as he surveys with half-lidded eyes the other side of the room: Franck is chatting away with David, the two of them exquisitely suited and comfortable. David notices him looking at them and throws him an odd glance, but otherwise, there is peace at this table.

Peace is fine. Peace is all very well and good. Peace is a wonderful thing.

And he’s about to gamble with breaking it.

He’s gracious enough to wait until the musicians have begun to play. It wouldn’t have been out of character for him to summon Franck while it was silent, pull them up by the hand, and demand the music start playing for their sake. But the world doesn’t revolve around him exactly, nor around Franck (no matter how much they act like it does), and there are manners to observe for those situations. When the first couple of people rise from their seats, intending to get a refreshment or some fresh air, the Captain stands with much grandeur and strides across the room until he is face to face with Franck.

All talk stops around the table. Franck falters in their last word and looks up at him, their conversation with David hanging in the air. The Captain smiles and extends his hand, bereft of gloves or barriers. “What do you say, Mx. Rivoire?” He asks. “Dance with me.”

Murmurs break out around the room. He glances around, and silence is restored once more. The Captain is not known for being so open about his intentions, this is the first time this year he asked for a dance from anybody. And where one is opaque with their intentions, one has to endure suspicion. “Captain, I must protest,” David is already saying, rising to his feet to prevent him coming any nearer. “Franck and I are in the middle of a discussion-”

“All right.” Franck’s voice cuts right through. David looks at them, incredulous, but Franck’s gaze is focused on the Captain alone: it’d be an exaggeration to say they look glad, they look more over it than anything, but from the smirk on their lips the Captain can see his challenge is accepted. “Let us dance, Captain Belorgey. Why not?”

It’s easy to see where they got that expression from. Being over it, that is, not the smirk; behind them David sinks into his chair with an exasperated sigh, pouring himself more wine. But it’s not about David, nor anyone else - not even Sebastian, staring daggers at them from the head of the table. The Captain smiles and takes Franck’s hand.

“It is my honour,” he says, and kisses the back of it tenderly.

—

Franck knows how to dance. The Captain has never seen them dance before, part of him would have been glad to embarrass them in public by revealing their incompetence; but they actually match him quite well, and he’s fine with that too. They are more of an amateur than Sebastian (who’s too well-schooled if anything), but as long as they can keep up with him, the inexpertise only adds flavour. He brought his guest up here, he’ll look after them unless there’s a reason to do otherwise.

No one can say the Captain isn’t a man of his word.

They don’t really say much. They’re not really showing off, either. The Captain took them to a corner of the dance floor and they’ve stayed in that area ever since. If anything, this seems to have convinced people even more that the two of them have some kind of statement to make; now and then they catch a glimpse of people craning their heads to look at them, their expressions ranging from disapproval to morbid curiosity. He can’t see Sebastian from this angle, which only boosts his confidence. “Now that we’re past one song, Monsieur,” Franck speaks up then, gesturing slightly towards the rest of the room. “I’d like to ask a question.”

“Certainly. Would you like to return?”

Another waltz begins. They rearrange their positions. “As if you want to let me go that quickly.”

“As if I desire to keep you that intensely.” He regrets saying it as soon as slips out, as such low blows don’t belong to those of his station. Franck smirks at him, knowing he caught himself out. “Well, if not that, what is your question?”

“Why did you bring me up here?”

“Why did you agree to dance with me?”

The Captain then braces himself straight away. Knowing Franck, they’d probably demand an answer to their question, not a new question to override it; it’s the one trait about him Franck absolutely despises, the whole going around in circles business.

Much to his surprise - and later, relief, despite it all - Franck is not having any of that tonight. “So I could do this.” They shrug, and abruptly seizes control, dancing them across the room. They’re already halfway across when the Captain realizes that they’re headed towards the mistletoe, hung above the Christmas tree, and forcibly halts them in their tracks. “What’s the matter, Captain? Struggling to keep up?”

His voice comes out low and strained, yet too uneasy to be dangerous. He really hopes Sebastian didn’t notice that. “Now let us not be so forward.”

Franck smiles at him brightly. “Well, you started it, Captain. Now will you answer my question?”

Beaten at his own game. He’ll laugh about it later when the adrenaline dissipates, but he’ll have to hand it to Franck for now. “Fair.” He says, and takes their hand with a firmer grip than before. “I was curious. Despite our recent - how should say it - amicable exchanges, Rivoire, I really know nothing about your social life. Part of me had hoped you didn’t know how to dance. I would have been happy to teach you.”

“Yes, in public, conveniently the most embarrassing place for me to learn. What a generous man you are.”

“I know, right?” The Captain laughs, his eyes twinkling. “I don’t know what to tell you, Rivoire, living is a constant stream of embarrassment. You didn’t need teaching, anyway, and your presence delights me. What more do you need?”

The second waltz has come to an end. Asking for three dances is beyond decorum, and Franck seems to have thought the same: they only smirk and step away, asking to be led back to their seat. “Nothing, I suppose. I can be content with that.”

“And may you stay content tonight.” And the Captain doesn’t let them down, a gentleman to the very end, as flawed as he may be. He offers them his arm and leads them off the dance floor, back to David and a chattersome crowd, doubtless full of questions on what that was all about. “I bid you a most wonderful evening, my dear.”

He’ll deal with Sebastian. Oh, the fallout to come. If it wasn’t for Franck, it wouldn’t even have been worth the gamble.

[jjr1971]

Finally finished binging the Blu-Ray release of Made in Abyss with the English dub.  I had started this series on Amazon Video with subtitles but only made it to episode 7 or so initially.  Once I heard it was getting an English dub from Sentai Filmworks, I put it aside until I could get the Blu-Ray and re-watch the show in English from the beginning.  HIDIVE, in cooperation with Alamo Drafthouse La Centerra recently screened the first three episodes of the English dub with lead voice actors Brittany Lauda (Riko) and Luci Christian (Reg) in attendance.  Earlier, at Oni-Con XV, I got the autograph of Brittney Karbowski who voices the adorable Nanachi, pictured lower right above, for my Blu-Ray insert. This was the last screening for Anime at the Alamo for 2018 (there won’t be a December screening) and I enjoyed starting the show over from the beginning in English.  My ears picked up on Terri Doty being in the cast, as well as narration by Shelley Calene-Black.  Shelley also voices Riko’s mother in flashback, i.e. Lyza.  Christine Auten appears later to voice the mysterious and dangerous White Whistle raider Ozen. I didn’t binge the series in one sitting but over the course of a week or so.  While the series uses a very cutesy art style it can’t be stated strongly enough that this series is NOT appropriate for children...things start to get really dark in the latter half of the show...and not just the unexpected piss, blood and vomit...but full on body-horror elements that are the stuff of nightmares.  Early on Riko is subjected to some pretty high G-forces and predictably vomits and passes out.  This is only the beginning of the horrors Riko will face on her seemingly doomed journey to discover the fate of her mother Lyza the Annihilator.  SLIGHT SPOILER WARNING HERE To the squeamish, let me assure you...Riko survives.  But oh god does she suffer and it is not pleasant.  It is gut wrenching. The end of the season is by no means the end of the story, indeed one gets the impression the story is only just beginning.  There’s going to be a season 2 and hopefully more answers to the mystery behind Lyza’s fate.  What ultimately happened to her?  Is she alive or dead?  Riko knows she is on a one way mission and accepts it.  She was born in the Abyss and seems fated to return there. Sidebar about the society surrounding the Abyss, while the White Whistles seem to be idolized by society as akin to superheroes for their exploits and ability to survive the darkest levels of the Abyss, as individuals, while they may be ridiculously strong with seemingly supernatural abilities, most of them strike me as largely amoral and ego driven.  They have their own private agendas and are given wide latitude to pursue their own selfish ends.  Their White Whistles are custom made and unique to each individual and often as not the designs of these whistles is super creepy.  Ozen was ostensibly Lyza’s friend, but Ozen is so long lived she was an adult when Lyza herself was Riko’s age.  Ozen has definitely seen some shit.  Ozen admits without shame that she kind of despises Riko, and yet seems grudgingly willing to help her as a favor to her friend.  But Ozen seems just as driven by her own morbid curiosity than by anything so quaint as loyalty or friendship.  Ozen is cold and analytical and speaks about life and death in a rather matter-of-fact way, without sentiment.  She is literally black and white, without shades of gray.  She’s fascinating and terrifying all at once.  She is my stand out favorite character of this season, with Nanachi a close second. Riko quickly discovers she’s in way over her head and would die without Reg to protect her.  Reg for his part has to learn better strategies for protecting Riko than his hand “wave motion gun” he calls “incinerator”.  He can use it, but it expends so much energy that he will fall into unconsciousness for no less than 2 hours afterwards, leaving Riko perilously on her own until he wakes up.  Ozen warns Reg that he should refrain from using it unless circumstances are so dire they have no other choice.  This sets up a great tension for the remainder of the series as Riko and Reg navigate the lower depths. This is a solid show, the artwork is beautiful, and I really look forward to Season Two.

[thedamiansmith]

Why I Truly Hate The Last Jedi

To forestall any conjecture and either sate your curiosity or warn you off entirely I’ll preface this post with a summary up front - Star Wars: The Last Jedi is one of the worst films I have ever seen. And beware for thar be spoilers ahead.

I hate it. I know that’s a strong word and one I’ve used wantonly in the past, but in this case I can’t think of another more accurate. I hate the film. I don’t merely dislike it. I find the very fact that it exists offensive. My life is worse for having seen it.

The film has drawn no small measure of controversy. Fans and critics alike seem polarised, they either love it or hate it, with not a lot of middle ground. Ergo there has been no small measure of discussion on this controversy. It’s this discussion that has driven me to add my own two cents to the melee, because at no point have I seen a post that grasps the problem at hand.

The discussion over why people dislike the film is dominated by a false dichotomy: there are those that didn’t like it because it was too far removed from the films that had come before and there are those that didn’t like it because it was too similar to the Star Wars films of old.

Whilst arguments could be made over why The Last Jedi is similar to the Star Wars of old or why it is far too different (a view I personally hold), this entirely misses the point. Regardless of where it sits in regards to the pantheon of Star Wars, The Last Jedi is, in and of itself, a terrible film.

Independent of the franchise it represents The Last Jedi is a clunky, ham-fisted, under-written and over-directed, unmitigated shit show. At its best it is clumsy and at its worst it is infuriating. If I had to sum it up in a word I’d call it “stupid”. The decisions that director Rian Johnson has made with the film just don’t make any sense.

I don’t say this lightly. I have a powerful suspension of disbelief. I’m willing to forgive most plot holes, I’ll quite creatively retcon even the most glaring oversight and content myself with my in-universe explanation (my favourite film is Pacific Rim after all). The Last Jedi doesn’t allow this. It is a 155 minute bombardment on your ability to disbelieve.

The film starts off strongly. In a bold move it opens with a joke and surprisingly it pays off. Poe Dameron’s prank call of General Hux is genuinely funny. I’ve been a professional comedian for over a decade, I know all the tricks, I can see behind every curtain, I despise most attempts at comedy and that bit made me actually laugh out loud. That is no small achievement.

Dameron then shows off his piloting skills in a daring X-Wing raid on the Fulminatrix in a visually impressive action sequence. At this point the film showed promise. This was flashy and exciting and what I wanted the movie to be. Then it did something unprecedented in a Star Wars film – inertia. Dameron’s X-Wing turns 180 degrees yet preserves its forward momentum until it fires the engines. Actual sound science in a space battle. My excitement at this point was at fever pitch.

And then the stupid starts. And once it starts it never stops. Whilst I was incredibly excited after five minutes, by the ten minute mark I was scratching my head. At twenty minutes I was heart-broken. By 40 minutes into the film I was ready to walk out, the only thing driving me forward was the morbid curiosity of seeing just how much worse it could get. The answer was “a lot”.

I’d like to go into every dumb point in detail, and I have for my own benefit, but the document is currently another 2000 words of dot points and I don’t think anyone has the time to read it (another time perhaps). Suffice it to say that from about five minutes into the film it appears that every character makes the dumbest possible decision they can.

For the sake of brevity I’ll only dive in depth into the two most glaring cases in the film.

First is Luke Skywalker. Everything to do with Luke Skywalker. When we meet Luke it’s at the same point as the close of The Force Awakens, with Rey handing him his father’s lightsaber. After a long moment of silent tension Luke then throws the lightsaber away without a word. All of that buildup for what comedians call a “pullback reveal”. Weak. In case you missed it this is the directorial cue that the audience should be willing to break with the past Star Wars films. Isn’t Rian Johnson subtle?

What follows is an entire act of Luke being an obtuse dickhead for no reasonable purpose. At this point I was still willing to give the film the benefit of the doubt. I’d reasoned that Luke was being purposefully asinine to test the patience of his pupil – as Yoda had once done to him. As the film progressed it became apparent that this level of subtlety was not in play, Luke was just being an ass. What becomes clear is that Rian Johnson has completely abandoned the character of Luke Skywalker and bludgeoned him into an amorphous shadow that he can shoe-horn into his own narrative.

None of Luke’s actions in the film are consistent with the character we’ve come to know. Upon the destruction of his Jedi temple and the deaths of his students he has not come to Ach-To to commune with the Force on some vision quest, he has come to run away from his problems in a way that is completely inverted from the idealistic hero of the original films. The young Jedi who rushed to confront a Sith Lord in order to save his friends is now willing to abandon the entire galaxy to a powerful Dark Jedi because...reasons.

We are then treated to a bit of back story over what happened to Luke’s Jedi academy. When he sensed the growing power of the dark side in his nephew, Ben Solo, he contemplated murdering the boy in his sleep. Luke Skywalker, who walked fearlessly into the Death Star in order to redeem a Sith Lord who had murdered the entire Jedi Order, who had gladly decided to die rather than murder a beaten opponent, this is the same person who would, if only for a moment, consider killing someone in cold blood because they might one day fall to the dark side?

So we’re to believe that in the space of a few decades Luke would abandon every principle he held.

That Luke was willing to kill his own nephew to prevent the rise of a powerful Dark Jedi is one thing, but then when Ben gives himself over to the Dark Side and becomes Kylo Ren, Luke runs away and hides. He was willing to murder his own kin to prevent this from happening, but now that it has he’s not going to do anything about it. Rian Johnson shows here that not only is he abandoning the character of the old Star Wars films, he can’t remain consistent within his own script.

Mix that in with a multitude of scenes of Luke being a grumpy old man, a needlessly rude hermit and, for some unknown reason, graphically milking a space manatee and this entire arc is just offensive.

The clumsy and futile handling of the character of Luke Skywalker is one of the major reasons why The Last Jedi is a terrible movie, but as Yoda once said “there is another”.

Canto Bight.

If you’ve seen the film then you know what I’m talking about, but if you haven’t then I’ll try and paint the scene for you. I say try (I know, I know, “do or do not”) because it’s difficult to get across how jarring and incongruent this sequence is.

The Resistance fleet is on the run. They can’t escape to hyperspace because they will be tracked by the First Order, who will only catch them and destroy them. So they’re flying through space, just out of effective weapons range of the First Order, just staying alive. However the clock is ticking. They’re running out of fuel. They can’t run forever. Why it takes fuel to continue in a straight line in space is never addressed (perhaps the fuel is needed to run the shields? Look I’m throwing you a bone here Rian) nor is the fact that the First Order doesn’t switch from using plasma weaponry which has an effective range to some kind of kinetic weapons which don’t, or just send their fighters ahead. Nor are we treated to a reason why all ships now seem to have the same speed even though every film prior to this shows a mixture of both fast ships and slow.

So Poe Dameron decides to send ex-stormtrooper Finn and random engineer he just met Rose off on a mission to find someone who can get them onto the Supremacy and shut down the hyperspace tracking to let the Resistance escape. Does that sound convoluted? That’s because it is.

So Finn and Rose find themselves on a shuttle travelling to the planet of Canto Bight to find a slicer, instead of using that shuttle and others like it to evacuate the stated 400 Resistance members who need evacuating because of reasons. 

And in an instant we go from the incredibly dark and tense pursuit of the last of the Resistance fleet to...a 1930’s style casino! That’s right, everyone is in their best three piece suit dancing the Charleston as if Finn and Rose have just hyperspace jumped into the Great Gatsby. When are then treated to some tell-don’t-show moralising from Rian Johnson on the nature of greed and war before Finn and Rose indulge in a chase scene through space-Marrakesh on space-camels while being pursued by the space-police before they are rescued by Benecio Del Toro’s character DJ who will of course suddenly but inevitably betray them.

If you thought the pod-racing scene from The Phantom Menace was tedious and pointless then Rian Johnson would like you to hold his beer.

How should this scene have played out instead?

Rose: Finn can you sneak us on board the Supremacy to shut down the tracking system? Finn: Yes, I used to be a stormtrooper, I know a sneaky way in.

Rose: Great, for a second there I thought we’d have to go on a pointlessly wacky side adventure where a drunk leprechaun fills BB-8 with coins.

There, I just shaved 30 minutes off the longest running Star Wars film in history.

Of course the stupidity doesn’t stop there, but it does perhaps peak. The rest of the film from then on isn��t offensive because how dumb it is, but because it is just plain seeks to offend. It is Rian Johnson firmly and proudly raising the middle finger to anyone who is a fan of the franchise.

The previous film, The Force Awakens, raised a number of questions. The film was written and directed by JJ Abrams, a man who is more adept than anyone at creating intriguing mysteries without ever bothering to answer them (the magic numbers from Lost spring to mind). The greatest questions springing from The Force Awakens were “who are Rey’s parents?” and “who is this immensely powerful Dark Jedi, Supreme Leader Snoke?”

In the two years since the release of The Force Awakens the internet has been ablaze with conjecture over these questions. Fans were rabid in their search for answers to these major plot points, enjoying crafting elaborate theories as to where the franchise could take these storylines. Hearkening back to the days of “is Darth Vader really Luke’s father?” or “is Darth Sidious really Senator Palpatine?” this conjecture is at the heart and soul of what it is to be a fan of Star Wars.

This is also something that Rian Johnson blatantly and vehemently resents.

It is one thing to chastise fans for the means by which they choose to enjoy the films, though that is bad enough, but it’s another thing entirely to sabotage the middle film of trilogy to punish those fans for being fans.

The mystery of Rey’s parents is answered with a throwaway line by Kylo Ren that they are junkrat nobodies who sold her. Reasonable enough I suppose, and perhaps even the same direction I would have taken the plot line, though perhaps with a bit more exposition. But I can’t get over the feel that this was never the intended arc for Rey’s character, that this is a backlash for the fan speculation over her parentage.

However if the reveal of Rey’s parents was a subtle rebuke by Rian Johnson for the over-zealousness of the fan base, then the Snoke reveal is Rian dancing around naked, swinging his dick at them while waving a giant sign saying “go fuck yourselves”.

Halfway through the film Supreme Leader Snoke is killed off by his student, Kylo Ren. After some impressive displays of his powers with the Force, after the reveal that it was he who had manipulated Rey AND Kylo Ren with his incredible power, that he had engineered proceedings exactly to his machinations in a way that the Emperor could only dream of, he is abruptly killed. No heroic sacrifice, a la Darth Vader. No impressive fight sequence a la Darth Maul or Darth Tyrannus. No exposition. One minute he’s alive, the greatest threat the galaxy has ever faced, the head of a bigger and badder empire. The next minute he’s dead, never to be spoken of again, as if he never existed in the first place.

Not even the most die-hard new trilogy apologist could argue that this was ever the intended direction for the character. That an entire film and a half would be devoted to this great and powerful evil only for him to be written out with the in-universe equivalent of “Note: Poochie died on the way back to his home planet”.

No, this was a deliberate move by Johnson. This was his objection to the speculation on the character and the nature of Star Wars fans. This was his personal revenge against people actively enjoying the intellectual property instead of passively receiving whatever the film-maker threw at them. He took an important character and story arc and threw them into the fire, writing himself and any future directors into a corner in the process, simply because he wanted to engage in an act of petty revenge and onanism.

And this is the man who has been given the green light to develop his own trilogy.

These are the most glaring examples of idiocy and clumsiness in The Last Jedi. The rest of the film is merely bouncing from one scene to the next with events happening because the plot needs them to happen. The whole venture feels like they went ahead and filmed the first draft. As if at no point a second party has looked at the script and said “why are they doing this? It doesn’t make any sense”.

And even though I’ve gone into such detail on a couple of major issues with the film, that’s probably the main problem with the film. It doesn’t make any sense. None of the decisions made by any of the characters make sense. They all seem to do the dumbest thing possible because that will generate the most drama.

Rian Johnson has obviously read the rule of storytelling that says to create drama you take your characters and challenge them. That you put them in a tree and throw rocks at them, as it were. But he doesn’t know how to do it. He doesn’t know how to make it look natural. So he just clumsily engineers situations where the characters are faced with adversity brought about through their own stupidity or the stupidity of others.

The core of this problem isn’t limited to The Last Jedi. It was present in The Force Awakens and numerous other films as well – the new Hollywood trend of the “writer/director”. Not every writer is a director and not every director is a writer. Some can do both and do it very well – Tarantino for instance is a brilliant slashie. But you can’t skimp on the writers.

The Last Jedi is a brilliant spectacle. It looks amazing. The use of lighting and shot selection to convey story is wonderful at times, if a little heavy handed at others. But the whole film is a delight to look at. It’s just a shame that the story, the core of it, is so very, very poor. It is the result of a director saying “we need to do this and this, go from point A to B to C” without knowing how to accomplish that as a storyteller.

The whole film is an exercise in what could have been. The Force Awakens wasn’t brilliant by any stretch. But it was a lot of fun and it introduced a lot of rich plot lines which begged to be expanded on, deeper mysteries that would have been fun to unravel. Imagine the wonder and excitement we could have had if the next instalment of the story was given to someone who knew  what to do with them instead of an obdurate madman hell bent on his own “artistic vision” and driven by a need for petty revenge. If this had been a solo film, without the rich history and lore that burdens Star Wars, it might have been amazing. The terrible storytelling and massive plot holes might never have occurred if such a stubborn director hadn’t been forced to work within confines of a universe not of his own.

But such wasn’t to be. Unlike Gareth Edwards, who created the utterly brilliant Rogue One in an even more restrictive narrative confine, Rian Johnson proved incapable of budging even an inch and the result is a film that is an utter mess and a waste. It makes one nostalgic for the glory days of The Phantom Menace and Jar-Jar Binks, which was until 14.12.17 the worst thing to ever happen to Star Wars.

I think about how much I hate The Last Jedi and I wonder why. I wonder why this movie hurts me so much more than the prequels did, why the disappointment is so much more gut wrenching. It’s because of what it could have been.

The prequels were George Lucas’ baby. It was his universe, his product and he was going to make it his way. That way might not have been the right way, or even a good way, but it was his. Nobody could fault him for doing what he wanted with his own creation. We all knew the man’s ambition outpaced his ability. His greatest excesses were held in check by his ex-wife, Marcia, and when they divorced there was nobody stopping him from doing dumb things like racist aliens, cannibal teddy bears and a 40 minute love letter to NASCAR racing.

But it was his house and he could paint it whatever ugly colour he wanted to.

This new trilogy was supposed to free us of that. We had an opportunity to build on the world he created and take it in new and exciting directions. We had the opportunity to put it into hands more competent than those of George Lucas, thankful for what he created but more thankful for gracefully stepping back.

Instead Disney decided to go in the other direction. They decided to keep Star Wars in the hands of an intractable autocrat and the result is more of the same. A film more notable for its potential and its failings than for its ability to deliver.

But still while that accounts for my disappointment in the film, and for my crippling depression as a result of it, but it doesn’t account for the hatred. I truly do hate The Last Jedi.

The reason being that these new films have wiped the slate clean. They have rendered null and void all of the former Expanded Universe, what is now known as Legends.

In the wake of Return of the Jedi in 1983 there was a great demand for more of the Star Wars universe. What became of the characters? People demanded to know. What was happening in the rest of the galaxy? What other stories were never told? What else was possible?

Writers and storytellers began to fill the void. Some of them weren’t weren’t great, others were laughably bad, but most of them were incredible. Most of them were incredible stories set in the Star Wars universe.

I grew up on these stories. I read and re-read nearly all of the Expanded Universe books, handed down to me from a benevolent uncle who fostered such imagination.

Timothy Zahn’s cuttingly amazing Thrawn trilogy dared to imagine what became of the Empire after the Battle of Endor. Beaten and broken they faced defeat and retreat until they were revitalised by a new villain – Grand Admiral Thrawn, an alien whose intellect and tactical brilliance was fuelled by an appreciation of art. The Thrawn trilogy proved the be the skeleton from which the new canon trilogy was built, although without the panache of Zahn’s writing, while the character of Thrawn was so iconic, so brilliant, he was adopted into the new canon.

The X-Wing series took a background character but fan favourite, Wedge Antilles, and put him front and center. These novels were rollicking tales of the fighter pilots so iconic of Star Wars, with their laconic wit and dashing bravado, racing from one impossible mission to the next. If you enjoy Poe Dameron in the new films (and who doesn’t?) then imagine an entire series of people just like him. The death of Han Solo in The Force Awakens never really resonated with me but decades later the death of Ton Phanan still gives me chills.

There were so many stories of Luke’s attempts to recreate the Jedi Order. His Praxeum on Yavin IV where he tried to mentor students as young and as brash as he once was, all while wondering if his own brief training was enough to prevent him from creating the next Darth Vader. This Luke was wise and caring, confident yet humble. A true servant of the Force who would never have imagined murdering a student in his sleep but would have done all in his power and more to prevent him ever falling in the first place.

These are the true tales of Star Wars. These are the real continuation of the story. And now all of them have been cast aside, destroyed by the myopic treatment of JJ Abrams, who never wrote a story beyond his first movie, and Rian Johnson who never gave a shit about anything other than his “artistic vision”.

That is why I hate The Last Jedi. Not only is it a terribly written story, it is by its very existence an erasure of all of the good stories that came before it, the ones crafted by competent writers who cared for the subject matter. Not building upon what came before but utterly rejecting it out of spite.

It isn’t a matter of whether The Last Jedi was too far removed from the old Star Wars movies or whether is was too similar to them. That doesn’t matter. All that really mattered was that it was a good story. Which it most certainly wasn’t. It was terrible. And if this film was the audition by which Rian Johnson received his own trilogy then I truly mourn the Star Wars saga, for it is in the most unsafe of hands.

For those wondering, because this is what the reviewers all seem to do, this is my ranking of the Star Wars films:

The Empire Strikes Back

Rogue One

Return of the Jedi

A New Hope

Revenge of the Sith

The Force Awakens

The Phantom Menace

Attack of the Clones

The Last Jedi