#no bc why did i think it was a good idea to scroll through posts about b.ts enlistment after my first read through

[mintjeru]

The symptoms you’re describing sounds a whole lot like burn out, which happens to the best of us when we push ourselves too long and hard past our limits. It definitely would seem easier to rely on external statistics (likes and reblogs/retweets) to determine the value of your work when you can’t see it yourself, but this is definitely something that can make you feel worse when the numbers don’t hit your expected target. Regardless of the size of your audience, it’s not unreasonable to want or desire for interaction and positive feedback for work you’ve put time and effort into producing, especially when you’ve done so with more limited resources (time/energy etc) than you had access to before. While it’s not a sure-fire way to cure burnout, taking a break and getting enough rest as well as allowing yourself some breathing space can help. Take care of yourself! Love your work—but don’t burn yourself down to the ground! There’s only one like and one reblog that I can give 😢 even if I want to give more…

hey anon! first, thank you for taking the time to write and send this in 🥺 second, it's a bit of a late reply bc i started crying while reading this for the first time and had to come back to it later ajdsdjfsjdf ;;;

you're probably right, i think it is burnout. i've been telling myself otherwise for months now bc i've been worried that the frequency of my posts has set myself up for others to expect something of me + not making art to share would be letting my followers down. but that's also locked me in a cycle of feeling guilty for either not drawing or making something that has no love behind it. logically, i know that taking a break would help, but i'm apparently not the best at allowing myself to take it easy 😅 still, i'll take your words to heart.

ty again for this, and i promise your one like and reblog is enough! i'm thankful that you leave notes on my posts and immensely grateful that you would even consider giving more <3

[kuroppiii]

  soft launch ᵕ̈        timeskip! sakusa kiyoomi x gn reader ˎˊ˗

⋮⋮ ˒ ₍ᐢ..ᐢ₎ 𖥻 ⿻ : it's just a silly   ⋮⋮  little tiktok, nothing major ... ⋮⋮  right ?

📋 content     ♡ # 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧 🐮     ♡ # 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵 🥛     ♡ # 2.6k 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴

🎶 on shuffle “ never lose me ” - flo milli ( specifically the trending clip of " yeah he my man , he was never your type . if you try me , ho it ' s on sight " , but whatever tiktok audio you ended up using is up to you lol <3 )

🧸 directory ‹ ✩  like what you read ? check out more of my blog !  •ᴗ•

💬 kuroppiii ─ “ first time i ' ve pulled myself together to write about sakusa bc when i think about him , i simply can ' t think straight . an exaggeration ? man i wish !! ”

you weren’t anyone special, really. you lived your life, pursuing your goals and hobbies, spending time with those you love. there were things you were good at, sure, but any sort of recognition or praise for those things only ever came from those closest to you. if you walked down the street, no one would bat an eye. "ordinary" couldn't have described you any better.

your boyfriend on the other hand, star wing spiker and outside hitter of the msby jackals, jersey number 15, sakusa kiyoomi certainly was a bit extra-ordinary in the public's eye.

if you took any of his official social media accounts, they easily skyrocketed ahead of any of your accounts in the sheer numbers of following or likes or views. but that's only natural, as the reasons you love your boyfriend–talented, cool, handsome–surely would be shared by the thousands he's subjected to by being in the limelight of the popular and successful pro-volleyball team.

but what else is natural, is that you've always wanted to be able to "soft launch" him, your boyfriend. you've scrolled through your tiktok "for you" page and your pinterest feeds and have undoubtedly saved every "soft launch inspo <3" post you've seen.

the idea was just perfect, you thought–sakusa often prefers not having his face in photos or videos anyway.

to sakusa, however, well... he didn’t really get it until you sat down and had to explain it. you always found it ironic he was never the most active online despite having the bigger following count between the two of you, after all.

“so you want to go public?” he asked, a bit of surprise in his voice.

"well, yes. but also no," you tried to clarify, leaving him with an even more perplexed face that tugged at your lips as you smiled and calmly continued with your elaboration.

you and him have discussed how to navigate your relationship with his volleyball stardom in the past before. it's not like your closest friends and family didn't know about your relationship, but granted, some of your more casual friends and acquaintances who followed your socials probably didn't entirely know either.

the general public definitely did not know, though, of course. but that's why you'd just post something on your accounts, significantly smaller than his.

“are you okay with that?" you made sure to confirm with him, after explaining your thought process on the whole idea.

he came over to you and placed his hands on your hips gently, a concentrated look in attempts to understand your idea adorning his features as he spoke, “i mean, i'd love to be able to finally let everyone know about us–but really it's up to you if you're okay with it. when it comes to things like this—always has, love.”

and what he said was true, from the moment you started dating he was always trying to protect your peace from the media and reporters and cameras. to him, you were like his private repose from all that. but admittedly, as time went on, you both came to realize keeping your relationship under wraps could get pretty hard at times, especially when you wished to go on normal dates out and about instead of resorting to small secluded get-togethers with the handful of people you who knew or nights spent inside your home.

you shook your head as you reached up to brush some of his curls out of his face, revealing his beauty marks above his eye—brows subtly knit together as he considered how your idea might play out in the longrun.

his arms lovingly pull you even closer as you reassure him, "it's just my friends and family who might see it, anyway. it's just a fun little thing to do, omi, that's all!"

،   そ   ✧   の後    🌱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 ...

a few days later, you and sakusa had an event to attend with the rest of his team. it was a nice dinner so you were all dressed up–the perfect get-up to record a small tiktok or two to satisfy your boredom as you waited for your boyfriend to finish getting ready himself.

as you scrolled through your saved audios, you stood by the humble expanse of wall where sakusa had some of his volleyball medals and trinkets displayed in your shared apartment. then it hit you: this would be the perfect opportunity for that soft launch you were thinking about.

he didn't even have to be there, you could just have his framed "sakusa 15" jersey and recognitions with his name on it in the background as you sang along to a song. it was simple. a little ostentatious? maybe. but you thought it was subtle and fun enough to entertain the people who followed you and were going to see it.

so you picked an audio and started recording. your accessories for going out that night glimmered with the gold medals on the wall in the dim lights of the apartment as you lip-synced to the lyrics, showing off your outfit with a slightly sly attitude of making claim to your relationship with sakusa–claim to what rightfully was yours.

but just as the timer on your video was up, you hear sakusa’s voice approaching from down the hallway, his watch clattering as he's trying to put it on, "what are you doing?"

you break out into a sheepish smile as you rush over to end the video timer manually, "nothing! let's head out!"

in the car on the way to the event, you posted the video and thought nothing about it. no tags, no caption, no nothing–just something cheeky for your friends and family to see and hopefully get a small kick out of.

،   そ   ✧   の後    🌱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 ...

late the next morning after you wake up, you stretch over to your bedside table to grab your phone to do a first-thing-in-the-morning doom scroll. sakusa's still peacefully snoozing away–head tucked under your jaw, soft breaths fanning your neck, arm secured around your waist, and legs tangled with yours under the sheets–when you open up one of your socials and realize you've gained thousands of followers overnight... literally.

you swipe past notifications of your friends texting you dozens of messages to see that hundreds of comments have flooded the most recent post you made–pictures of you and those same friends on a day out in the city–no sakusa in sight yet a lot of the new comments gave mention to him.

almost thinking you're still asleep and dreaming, you scroll through the words total strangers have left for you. it was such a mixed bag: some were mean, some were just confused, and some were even very nice, complementing you on your appearance.

there were a few, however, that mentioned a certain "repost".

"here from the repost"

"RAN to see this after seeing the repost"

"it's been less than a day and there's already so many comments about the repost lol"

and so you go to look up your name with the word "repost" attached to it, and are met with dozens of articles about your "viral tiktok reposted by msby's sakusa kiyoomi seemingly hints at volleyball star's secret relationship".

shocked, but still trying not wake up said volleyball star with your reaction as he clung to you on your shared bed, you quickly switch over to your tiktok to look back at the video you had posted just the night before.

surely enough as you let the video play out, the buttons on the right-hand side of your phone screen displayed astronomically larger numbers than that you've ever seen something you've posted in your life track before.

as the video plays the moment sakusa had called out to you–with you smiling to somewhere off camera before getting up close to the camera and cutting off the recording–you look down lower on the screen and see “msby sakusa reposted”. his official account. (you knew this bc he had you help him set up his personal one, the name of which you set up to come up as simply his nickname amongst friends "omi" with the cleaning sponge and bubbles emoji.)

hearing the audio of the video, you can feel sakusa stir at your side, his brows furrow against your skin as he peeks out from under his messy bedhead of curls to look at what you could be watching so soon after waking up.

after processing it was a video of you, one of his hands wordlessly part from where it was snaked around your waist and reaches up to tap on the little heart icon on the side of your screen.

then his hand returns to where it was, and he retreats back to the space between your collarbone and your jaw, hoping to quickly be lulled back to sleep just for a bit more before you two would have to get up and get on with your day.

but after a brief moment, you can suddenly feel the vibration of his voice against your skin, groggy and sloughed down by drowsiness to a deep treble as he lazily mumbled, “oh... that was your phone. was wondering why it wasn’t liked yet. i could've sworn i did already...”

his words set loose butterflies in your stomach, knowing despite his limited time spent online, he still does everything to let you know he loves you, even if it takes making a small heart icon light up on a video you post. but soon that warm feeling goes away, as your concern quickly overcomes it given the current situation at hand.

“omi," you coo, an attempt to not let on in your voice how you were slightly freaking out as to not disturb his peaceful state, "did you repost it? my video?”

“of course i did,” he replied in a heartbeat. you could feel his breathing start to slow down, him on the brink of slipping back into continuing his slumber.

you also felt he didn't quite realize the implications of what he did.

“you looked nice in it,” you hear him drawl out, after being met with your contemplative silence.

you hummed as you asked a follow up question, “did you do it with your personal account?”

“mhmm,” he sounds so content when he hums back in reply, bliss apparent as he spoke being tangled up with you as sunlight peeked in through the bedroom windows.

one of your hands paused the tiktok from playing and departed from where it clutched your phone to comb through sakusa's hair–partly to calm your nerves and partly in adoration at the realization he was so eager to show you his affection, that he didn’t check which account he was on before he reposted your video.

you tried your best to say your next words carefully and gently, “well i don’t think you did, babe."

"hm?"

trying to act nonchalant about it, you continue, "i gained, like, a thousand followers while we were sleeping.”

"hm?!!"

you no longer feel his curls under your fingertips as he retreats from his little hiding spot, now confronting your phone screen where surely enough, he caught a glimpse of the numbers your video was doing, as well as the little tag that, yes, it does look like he reposted your video using his official msby account.

he was wide awake now as one of his hands go to rake through his locks, and he starts rambling despite how his voice definitely wasn't caught up from his sleep yet, “y/n, angel, i'm so sorry. i didn't even check, i should've. i should've been more careful. now everyone know's about it, and it's all my fault. is anyone being mean to you about it? i can say something, or post something, right now, or—“

you cut his running mouth off with a kiss, dropping your phone in your lap to cup the sides of his face before you pull away.

"you're not... you're not mad at me?" he asks softly, eyes searching yours nervously.

a moment ago you were feeling a little more than uneasy at the thought that you weren't going to be just an ordinary person anymore. but now, seeing how much sakusa cared and doted over you, you realize you'll be fine. because you won't be dealing with it alone. you had someone extraordinary to be by your side each step of the way.

“no, omi. i'm not mad," you tell him through a warm smile, "at least we don't have to hide it anymore."

you feel him slightly nod in your hands, still on edge as he intently listens and hangs onto your every word. you could never get mad at that face. you can't resist the urge to brush your nose against his because of how cute you thought your boyfriend was.

"and besides, it still wasn’t a hard launch. we don't have to confirm anything just yet. so by social media rules... i can still post some more soft launches before we do that, no?" you say with a hint of mischief in your tone, making sakusa break out into a smile as he chuckles and places his hands over yours at the sides of his face.

"y'know what we always say," you continue with a more genuine voice, barely above a whisper, "we won’t let them get to us. we don't owe them anything–let them figure it out. what’s done is done, so let’s just have fun with it, okay?”

you're blessed with the sight of sakusa's dimpled smile growing even wider and before you know it he's all over you, on top of you smothering you with kisses, making you laugh as you try to pry him off of you.

he finally pauses to hover over you, his eyes with the slightest creases at their corners because of how he was smiling down at you, “thanks for bearing with me. not just my social media incompetence, but–for dealing with my… everything, i guess. i love you.”

the sheets ruffle around you as you gingergly wrap your arms up and around his neck, “i love you too omi. always will.”

you reach to grab your phone, buried somewhere in the blanket draped over the two of you, and sakusa rolls off of you as he finds it first and hands it to you. now it was your turn to ramble on, “how about we do the one where you stand behind me and hold the phone really high? or the one where you pick me up and spin me around in a random parking lot? or maybe i should make a video wearing your jersey–? oh my god that'd be diabolical, don't you think omi?"

he laughs into your shoulder at your eagerness as you spend the rest of the morning scrolling through soft launch videos online that you can save to copy later.

“i’ll do anything," he tells you, "i want to show you off–because now i can properly do it the way you've always deserved, love.”

       ⇩  ⇩  ⇩ 𝘽𝙊𝙉𝙐𝙎 ::

a few weeks (and a few more soft-launch tiktoks you both had fun with) later, although you and sakusa never publicly confirmed anything yet, his fans practically accepted that you and him were an item.

you even had the pleasure of seeing some fan-made edits of you come across your feed and appreciatively dropping a few likes on them yourself. but there was one in particular when you peeked into the comments of the video.

the original poster had commented on their own edit: "GUYS SAKUSA GAVE MY EDIT A LIKE WTF???"

you laughed out loud at the comment, considering as how your dear and darling boyfriend had never mentioned his apparent viewing and liking of these edits of you online as of late.

your boyfriend may have learned his lesson about public reposts, but it looks like his attempts at covering up what he hits "like" on needed a bit of work, too.

[littledollll]

Call me your angel

Lucifer Morningstar x human!reader

A/n: i love fics that just randomly come to me. In this case I was scrolling through the Lucifer tag like a starved animal (realized I’m practically the main user of it btw) and came across this post by: @masscared-star and immediately thought of some cute sort of intimate conversation scene simply because of that beautiful back-facing drawing. So this is whatever that idea was! Beautiful art btw!<3

Again special thanks to @pebbleswritessometimes and @v3nusxsky for helping me brainstorm and with the general writing process as always.

Warnings: Lucifer’s a little closed off, aludes slightly to sex (barely), non-sexual intimacy, slight insecurity, Lucifer suffering bc of their own mind.

_______________________________

“…you look so pretty..” Lucifer’s attention was captured by your barely whispered words. They were lost in their own mind, always thinking about something, there wasn’t a moment they lived without so much running through their mind. So much you would probably never know.

‘You know enough’, they said. ‘You know what you have to. You know what you really want to.’ Though it wasn’t quite true. You’d never know enough about them. There wasn’t an amount you could know about them without wanting for more.

You wanted to study each and every part of them and their complicated mind. You wanted to understand and feel whatever they did. To feel tethered to this wonderful being. But you know better. And so do they. There is a price to pay with that much knowledge, with all that power.

Maybe in far into the future, you’d finally know everything about the devil, maybe you could have a sliver of understanding for all of it. But for each thing there is time, unlimited time at that. So you had no rush. Lucifer felt comfort in knowing that.

The feeling of your warm hands wrapping around their back and just over their stomach made a slight shiver run through their body, their wings fluttering at the contact.

Your chest pressed against their back, wrapping them in a familiar and warm embrace. And in that moment you felt every running thought leave their mind as they relaxed into your embrace. Their ever-powerful wings rested against their back, against you.

“I wouldn’t know what it feels like.. I have my fair supply of never-ending thoughts. Insecurities and such. Curiosities mostly.”

Immediately, they knew you were observing them. Reading their behaviors. You already knew, or at least had an idea of what was on their mind.

“It’s not all that different from yours then.. no, not truly.” You nodded, they continued.

“Curiosity brought me here.” You disagree. But arguing that would be pointless, you have a thousand times before. “Why do you humans wish to know and have an explanation for everything? The universe is so grand and complicated... sometimes I wish I knew nothing.”

That’s a hard sentiment to combat. You say nothing, letting their statement be just that. “We think we deserve to, maybe. Is it wrong to wonder about everything that was and brought us here? We all want to know about different things, mostly anyways. I wish to know all about you.”

“You deserve to.”

Their statement leaves you confused. Didn’t they just argue we really shouldn’t? That it’s foolish for a human to want to know and understand everything. “I don’t think we d-“

“No. You deserve to. But I fear knowing everything might cause more harm than good. I do not wish for you to understand my wretched mind. But I wish to offer you understanding… does that make any sense?”

Their hands meet your own, feather light touches trace your forearms and each hand, each finger even. Like they’re just admiring you. As if they hadn’t a thousand times before. As if they hadn't a few moments ago. Their hands wrap around your own.

You nod again.

“I’m not in the dark about you… I don’t feel as such either. Maybe it’s my human brain making me want to know it all, hm?” They playfully scoffed, amused by your behavior towards this topic.

“There is vast knowledge that lives in me. Greater than any human mind could ever comprehend. Greater than even I can truly understand. It certainly feels like a burden. But you welcome it and me with open arms, why?”

That idiot. How can somebody so smart be so stupid all at the same time?

“I don’t think you need a map to understand why I love and accept you, angel.” That made them pause. You felt them suck in a breath, and their heart just- stop. Granted it was something they did for your comfort, the devil doesn’t truly need a heartbeat. So there was no concern for their health, but fear for wondering if you went too far.

“..I call you my devil so often, I-..” you wished you could see their face now, it would give you a bit of an idea on how to continue. But you’d have to guess and trust you know them enough to know how they felt in that moment.

You felt a soft squeeze in your right hand, before their thumb began to gently caress the back of it. It made you sigh in relief. “I feel as if you’re my angel, in a way that is very personal to me and no one else.”

That felt nice, hearing your soft words, understanding more or less what you meant by it. “I like it... you may continue calling me that.”

“Call me your angel.” They spoke almost shyly, even through what you would often call their ‘fancy’ way of speaking (a habit you’ve also picked up after so long with them). It was thoroughly amusing to you.

“And so I will, my angel.” They felt the words whispered against their skin, something was oddly comforting about it, Lucifer wished to relish in it forever, bathe in the feeling of the warmth of your love. But that was no far fetched dream, this was it. That warmth was you. That warmth was theirs for all eternity.

[cypionate60mg]

Does this make me a chaser?

I'm turned on by the idea of having a mlm/bara coded relationship with a woman. I want to see her get turned into a hulking sex-crazed beast and have people think I'm her cute little twink (even if I looked like Dwayne Johnson ppl should think that).

I love scrolling through autoandrophilic content on tumblr even if I know it's not for me, and can't shrug off the feeling that I, as a cishet guy, am being fetishistic towards trans men. But then I see posts about top surgery and all I can think is lying my face on top of a woman's broad, hard and hairy chest and being like "yeah, this feels a lot better," her scars like those of a barbarian warlord. Which I guess is not great, knowing that this is specifically about men who want to be perceived as men.

I've never attempted to be with a trans guy, bc I know that'd be kind of shitty coming from a straight dude (also they might be autogynephilic, and it would be some kind of cosmic joke for me to be playing into forced detrans). But even if I did, whenever I check r/ftm and see posts about dating straight men I can only feel like the reasons why I would are categorically different (not that it wouldn't be problematic for me to do so). Like, these guys are hellbent on feminizing them (many don't even allow them to bind), which besides sounding like they're massive transphobes, it's just impossible for me to see myself doing the same. Even if I saw my partner as a woman, I wouldn't miss out on the chance of having him undergo hrt (all the better, in fact).

I wish there were (straight) women into the same stuff, but at least within my experience, there are none out there. So I guess I just have whatever I can find on tumblr and melonFF's deviantart (and maybe ao3 accounts none of which post frequently), none of which are directed at me, so I just feel unwelcome enjoying them.

I don't usually answer these sorts of anons, as I get quite a few from cisbi and cishet men. But we're starting to see more cis men in the forcemascsphere, including some with their own blogs, and I think this could be a good opportunity to talk about chasers. For everybody's sake.

Based on this message, here's my read on the situation. You're interacting with the kink through a strictly pornographic lens and are subsequently disappointed that it doesn't translate well to sex. Whether you see your hypothetical partner as a man or not doesn't really matter, because you don't even seem to be thinking about them as a human with their own needs and desires. You're following a recipe for objectification, don't be surprised. Like any kink performed between two or more parties, it does require consent and discussion. Especially because it has elements of transformation and force.

It's honestly a little funny to me to see you talk about how uncommon forcemasc is, bellyaching that even the existing porn for it doesn't cater to you. Man, how do you think I feel? And whether somebody is into forcemasc or forcefem, we all deserve to be treated with respect by our partners. Even if playing out our kink results in physical changes beyond the bedroom. So, yeah, of course those guys you're talking about are assholes. But that doesn't really mean anything, because we're talking about you and your desires.

If you are heterosexual, then why are you scrolling r/ftm and musing about the ethics of dating a trans guy? I mean that genuinely. What do you get out of it? I ask because I'd like to believe that you understand that not all trans men are autoandrophiles. Even I don't want to be forcemasced, which people seem to have a difficult time grasping. Once you start thinking of a type of person as synonymous with a fetish, you're in chaser territory.

Remember: pornography can be a useful extension of sex. A tool, an accessory. But if you treat it as a cheap substitute for sex, you will lose sight of the other people involved. Then they'll become nothing more than a means for you to accomplish your own satisfaction. Do you see how that's fundamentally different from viewing one's own body as a means of pleasure?

So yeah, you do sound like a chaser.

[nisuna]

Edit: I have since posted the fic, check it out here!!

hi hello, so this isn't my official "comeback" yet as I'm currently sick in bed 😭 so this is just a little teaser and explanation of what I'm planning hehe

So I've had this idea for a long time, so long that it was the first fic I ever wanted to write down on this blog and the idea that motivated me to start writing in general, but things happened so yeah I'm only now finding the time to finally write for it

so basically, it's friends with benefits geto x f!reader, simple enough, right? Well, not quite (if you're not interested in too much detail, feel free to skip my rambling and scroll down for some excerpts and quotes 😘 they'll be below the cut)

It all happened one evening when your best friend came to pick you up from a party for the first time, being tipsy and sexually frustrated one thing led to another and you slept together and from then on it kind of became your guys' thing

Whenever you were out and didn't end up with someone, you called him and he actually came to pick you up

You've known each other for a few years but you just couldn't get yourself to call him Suguru, it's always Geto this Geto that, even tho he would really like you to just call him by his first name, but you're like no no no nonono I can't

And if that wasn't bad enough, your tipsy self always added -san, so it's Geto-san whenever he picks you up haha

You've done a lot already, anything dirty you could think of, been there done that, but no kissing bcs that's too intimate duh, like having a dick shoved so far up it's rearragning your guts isn't yeah yeah sweet denial

So this time there wasn't anything unusual about it, he picked you up like always and you were down to fuck so what's the worst that could happen?

he miiiighhtt make you call him by his first name and maybe just maybe you do finally kiss???!

I'm also down for maybe a prequel to the first time it happened?? 👀👀

But in any case, enjoy an excerpt from the beginning as well as some of my ideas and quotes I plan to include :D

He never understood why you liked going out to the most shabby and stuffed clubs. It reeked of alcohol and smoke mixed with all kinds of bodily fluids. As he was making his way through the dancing crowd of sweaty people grinding against each other, he finally found you sitting at the bar while some guy was leaning in your direction way too close for comfort.

He had his usual fit, hair half up with a black over sized sweater and loose black joggers. Making him look so huge that if there were any guys bothering you, they would leave you alone as soon as they saw him.

"Yo~ y/n", he touched your exposed shoulder and gave you his signature eye smile, before staring down the guy next to you that was trying to get in your pants or in this context in ypur skimpy little dress. The guys' annoyed look turned into a worried one after seeing who he was up against.

"Aahhh Geto-saannn you're here early" you mused, leaning against his hard chest. That damn honorific, he cursed but still managed to squeeze out a smile.

"Haha "-san", so you aren't her boyfriend then." the stranger snarled but soon gave up as Suguru raised an eyebrow at him and snapped a "watch it". "Alright, alright, I give up", he put his hands up in defeat. "Maybe next time, sweetcheeks."

As soon as the guy left Suguru took both of your hands in his and knelt down in front of you. "Y/n we've talked about this, if you don't want to call me Suguru at least drop the honorific. We've known each other for years now don't you think it's about time. Also, don't you think it's weird when you call the guy you fuck by his last name, hm?" He turned his head looking at you expectedly.

"But Geto-saaaan-"

"Ah ah, what did I just tell you"

"Okay okay, Geto" you huffed, "You know I'm not comfortable with that", you whined, squeezing his hands.

"I just want to hear you say it at least once. Say it and I'll fuck you real good tonight.", he smirked.

You considered it, after a hard week you really needed a good fuck. "Sugu-", is all you could manage before snapping your head away, "Nope can't do it."

He let his head drop with a loud sigh. "It's alright. It looks like I was just pushing my luck. C'mon, let's get you out of here." And with that, he rose back to his full height, grabbed your hand and pulled you from the bar stool. While making your way through the crowd and to his car, your thoughts kept wandering.

Suguru... that's such a pretty name.

----------

"What's up with you today? If you keep squeezing me that hard you might actually snap my dick off.", he chuckled. He's way to cocky. You have to do something about that.

"Have I ever told you how annoying you can be. If you don't stop talking, I think I might have to shut that mouth of yours up myself.", you whispered putting your hands on his cheeks and pulling his face close so that it was right in front of yours.

--------

"Is it okay? Does it hurt?"

"No, it feels really good. I can feel you all the way up here", you smiled, leaning back and tracing your fingers from your pubic bone to just over your belly button.

"Fuck, you can't just say those things out of the blue" he mumbled sitting up, finally starting to pound into you from below.

"Wow that did it, huh?" you chuckled arching your back and clawing at his shoulders. "How naive, men are so simple." you kept that thought to yourself tho.

----

"Wait", you mumbled against his lips. "Don't pull out. Keep fucking me. Hurry up." How could he say no to you, even if he felt like he was about to die from overstimulation, he couldn't possibly deny you.

-----

"Fuck, I'm hard again"

"Then keep going."

-----

Look forward to the whole thing as soon as I feel better🙈🙈🙈 and feel free to let me know what you think!❤️

[foliejpg]

oh yippie more asks:D

i have a lot :3

🍓🌵🥑🥤🌻🧃🧸🪐🍬🦷❄️🌿🏜️🍦🌸🎨🧩

you dont have to answer all of them but here you gooo

oh hell yes this is gonna be so fun <3

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

i don't remember specifically how, but i know i first interacted with shipping on youtube in like 2007-08 back when you could comment on people's profiles and message other users, so i think i must have commented on some like.. pokeshipping amv and just struck up a convo before i followed some friends i made to ff.net and deviantart, and started writing on ff.net lol

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

so i don't use spotify, i'm an apple music girlie and i really only listen to my own playlist i made that is composed of all of my top 100 songs of the year going back to 2015 LMAO

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

@actuallyalaska she got me

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

every writer i tagged yesterday!! all of whom take part of the @bandomthememonths go read all these great fics by these awesome writers<333

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

@judasisgayriot your gifs are a godsend and i always love getting a comment from them <3

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

my name is short for guinevere lol

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

so i'm sort of picky abt my dash lol i try to stick to foblr so if you post mostly fob then i'll prob follow! i do a good scroll through to get the vibe, but if they post a lot of non fob stuff, i usually skip bc its just not for me but no hard feelings ever<3

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

well i just bought a new (refurbished) computer for the first time in a few years, so that's exciting! i've recently started making embroidery patches and that's been a lot of fun lol idk i've just been having a good time<3 i'm doing a lot of home renovation projects so i'm excited to have a brand new kitchen soon lmao

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

not a fandom character but as far as bandom goes, i don't really care for mcr and maybe that just has everything to do with that i'm really not familiar with lore/band mbrs etc., but danger days is the only mcr album i really connected with especially when i was 16-17 and its still one of my favorite albums, but i'm good on their other albums lol

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

just be kind<3 ik that's super cheesy but i think its easy to forget that other ppl have feelings too and maybe just being nice to someone will make their day. also don't ever pay full price for anything if you can avoid it. generic brands are just as good as name brands

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

i have.. no idea honestly lmao

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

listen when i figure it out, i'll let you know lol when i'm stuck i eat an edible and stare at the wall until something comes to me

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

ANY AND ALL!!!! especially when they tell me a specific part they liked - even if its just a line makes my heart go bu-bump<3

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

genuinely i can't think of a character i hate, i really don't watch anything but like. seinfeld and its always sunny in philadelphia lmfao

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

this is my cat bear<3 she's ten years old and sleeps in a drawer in my desk while i work

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

here and here and here and this nsfw fanart from my bubbline au these are all my absolute favorites <3

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

i answered this here but its super long so<3

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

hi

I'll start this by saying you can ignore this ask if it's too annoying bc valid

but I just saw some absolutely bullshit takes when I was scrolling through mdzs posts

some people claimed that:

- jin guangyao and wei wuxian are the same and both killed for revenge so if wwx isn't evil then jgy can't be either (I- excuse me??)

- jgy did so much good for people and wwx just........ saved some wens (lmaoo???)

- jgy killed nmj out of self defense (ok so why did he keep coming back and acting nice playing/poisoning him for probably weeks if not months then????????)

- (this one is just crazy) wang lingjiao was just some poor commoner woman who couldn't fight back so wwx is awful for what he did to her

....

I'm sorry am I the crazy one here because these takes sound straight up INSANE to me like did the people who wrote it read the same novel I did??

"wwx stans are so hypocritical how can they say my baby's evil while they stan this cruel murderer who doesn't let his corpses reincarnate :((((" bitch????

I'm fairly new to the fandom and I can be wrong so can you tell me if I'm missing something (I doubt that i do tbh) but you seem very sensible and I just needed to get it off my chest

I'm not even saying people can't enjoy characters that are evil/morally gray bc some of my faves from other works are just that... but if you have to pretend these characters are some saints who didn't deserve what they got and drag down the main character just because you're salty then I don't think you like your "fave" all that much tbh

I hope you don't mind me ranting in your askbox, if you read my message then thank you for your time! Have a nice day! (I hope I didn't ruin it too much haha)

Hello anon! No I don't mind at all for this, rant away if you need to as I make my inbox open for it.

As to the idea that Wei Wuxian are similar, in terms of their status they had been born to, yes. But that's about as much of their similarity as they get. Just as how Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji are literary mirrors due to similarities in circumstance, but not mind or ideals. Yes, Wei Wuxian did kill in revenge, but he never denies this. He fully admits to this unlike Jin Guangyao, who continues to say he had no choice but to kill those that wronged him. The difference there is that, Wei Wuxian had been tortured, his guardians killed cruelly, his own sect almost was decimated by the ones he killed. Where as with Jin Guangyao, he killed many that endangered his political position or, verbally insulted him in some way. Between the two one's actions of revenge was foremost for the ones that had been wronged. For Jin Guangyao it was concerning his own ego.

Jin Guangyao never did anything for the common people. We are told several times in story that Lan Wangji, and the Lans are the outliers for this sort of thing. The watchtowers are nothing more than a repainting of the Wen's Advisory Offices and keep in mind, it was still under the approval of Jin Guangshan that they even were created. From a Jin Guangyao who wanted to please his father foremost. He also burned down a brothel of prostitute women, where in that, shows he cares for commoners of his own background?

A scum of a person, can be human and sympathetic, but it does not change that they themselves are in the end selfish, cruel and manipulative. That's what makes them terrifying, they use that sympathy to cause more hurt. Wei Wuxian never holds others hate of what he had done as unfair, just that he would not take rebuttal for what he never did and stands by what he did. Jin Guangyao never takes any sort of responsibility towards the ones he drags into his schemes and continues to say he needed to with no sympathy for the ones who had been innocent, saying that he should be the one pitied and forgiven.

You can like and enjoy an evil, just don't paint it as a saint when that is what the very work is against and criticizing. We are told that Wei Wuxian is meant as an ideal of morality, who this is still argued about and he is labeled "morally grey" and "just as wrong as the others" is just wrong from a literary and plot point of the book.

[clonerightsagenda]

i would love to hear anything more about communications director minkowski that you would care to share, it sounds like a very fun route for postcanon! 👀

It IS very fun. In lieu of writing a coherent post I just spent quite a bit of time scrolling through 3 years of discord messages for good tidbits:

Gill spent part of my day wondering “you know you’d expect Lovelace to have some Loud And Pointed Opinions about Minkowski being offered the post of Communications Director but maybe instead she’d be the first to figure out there’s no better way to dismantle the company than from the inside out” Kat If you want a job done wrong you gotta do it yourself Gill Minkowski: They… want me to be the next director… and I think I’m going to take the job. Lovelace: …actually. That sounds like an amazing idea. Minkowski: Minkowski: who are you and what have you done with Captain Lovelace Kat Careful Renee. That joke has a bit of an edge to it Gill Nobody’s getting out of post-flight quarantine without an identity crisis of some kind it seems Kate I bet Lovelace would jump at the chance to have a woman on the inside… who has a lot of practice ruining Goddard's plans. Gill Lovelace, probably: You’re gonna need your own version of Cutter’s hypercompetent Right Hand Minion, and it seems to me that the person who kept him distracted while you put a harpoon through his torso would be the ideal candidate. Lovelace: Also, it’d be fun to deface Kepler’s old office.

*

Kat was thinking about Minkowski marriage drama in the context of her voluntarily signing on to be comms director under the same contract as the last one fully aware this means everyone will try to kill her just in case she can keep everyone else safe and then having to explain that to her husband tfw your wife never prioritizes you bc she's too busy prioritizing a) dying in space b) dying on land now Gill Dominik Koudelka, maybe: it just feels like I have to get myself kidnapped by shadowy corporate goons if I want to spend time with you!

*

Kate Communications Director Minkowski 1) definitely publishes her own adapted fifth edition of the Survival Manual that’s not a joke and full of useful things and 2) mostly inspired by things Eiffel did that his justification was “well no one ever TOLD me this would happen in space!” Gill “Leprechauns are not real. Ghosts, however, are.” “In the unlikely but theoretically possible event that leprechauns are discovered at some point in the near future, disregard previous. It’s important to keep an open mind.” Kate Adaptability! Flexibility! Priorities! Acknowledgement that space is full of unpredictable and incomprehensible bullshit! The spirit of the new space age Gill Tip #1002: You may say “fuck”. Once.

*

Kat thought: re Goddard possibly having prison labor going on, maybe when they got Eiffel out of jail they just transferred his sentence to them, and Comms Director Minkowski finds out she technically owns two of her crewmates now and isn't super happy about it Eiffel: so for the next 23 years my ass is yours I guess Minkowski: I don't want it Minkowski, sifting through paperwork: why… why do I own prison laborers now? Can I pardon them? What is this news anchor voice: Goddard Futuristics stocks dipped today as new director Renee Minkowski gave the entirety of their asteroid mining staff early release, quoted as saying "Go home. The fuck." Gill Comms Director Minkowski like ok first off we’re actually giving our workers benefits Kat we'll reroute some of the money headed toward all the R&D for evil shit Gill we’re also defunding our paramilitary branches. Why do we even have those?? Kat Jacobi, raising hand: To do stuff like break into Elon Musk's Mars colony and take him out with extreme prejudice Lovelace: ok that one sounds justified actually Gill Lovelace: Can I go fuck up Elon Musk’s stupid libertarian summer camp? Minkowski: Later, I need you here right now. Lovelace: Aw, ok. ): Kate Okay project Fuck Up Elon Musk can stay

*

Kat underappreciated aspect of the comms director Minkowski concept: DC girl Minkowski finds out she now owns like 75% of the politicians on Capitol Hill. Is not sure how to stop owning them It's like feeding wild animals, they keep coming back for your money even when you try to cut off the lobbying Gill Minkowski: next time a senator shows up at my house I’m siccing Lovelace on them Kat Minkowski: Cutter had an entire budget line for funding ballot initiatives and…. wow, that's a lot. Hey Doug, what are your thoughts on felons being able to vote? Eiffel: Felons can't vote? Minkowski: …. yes?? Eiffel: Oh. Huh. I don't ever vote so I didn't notice. And I see from your expression that you don't approve of this.

*

Gill Comms Director!Minkowski: If you need me, I’ll be in a meeting. /crawls into the vents Kat Local unions still talk about the super weird HVAC remodeling the new director insisted on

*

Gill You are an astronautical engineer at Goddard Futuristics’ special projects division. You were handpicked by the special projects manager herself to work on this new prototype. The craft you and your colleagues poured untold hours of work into is commandeered by Warren Kepler, Legendary Local Douchebag, and two of his minions (an entire ship! For three people!!) to go off and babysit one of your boss’s boss’s ultra-secret pet projects, which you quietly believe is actually an elaborate fraud scheme of some kind. You rage at this. Then, you mourn. Perhaps you drink heavily. Either way, you move on, setting aside your quiet hope that the Urania one day re-enters terrestrial skies, but gradually making peace with the idea you may never see this particular fruit of your labor again. And then a year and a half later you get it back and the interior is just plastered in printer paper that looks like a brigade of toddlers just went nuts on it with their crayons. And also your boss is dead and the apparent leader of said toddlers is the new communications director. Kat Hey at least the astronautical engineering division can feel vindicated that that shuttle a few years back didn't malfunction Gill Engineer: So that shuttle didn’t malfunction and Cutter was actively orchestrating a fake explosion and cover-up. Then he sent Warren “Oh just let me fire off this prototype in a civilian area” Kepler and his goon squad up in our prototype to go fuck around with you guys some more. Minkowski: Yup. Engineer: And you killed him. Minkowski: …yes. Engineer: …did you kill him painfully? Tell me it was painfully. (Minkowski is mildly worried about how she acquires some of her new supporters) Kat Lots of long simmering resentment Kate I imagine she gets a lot of goodwill points for taking out Cutter and Kepler… imagine

*

Kat comms director Minkowski having to do tax fraud to protect her team somehow Gill Jacobi, having just another day in the office, doing taxes: god this is so dull, I hate tax season. I wonder if Minkowski’s gone and holed up in the accounting department, she probably lives for this kind of thing. /smash cut to Minkowski threatening an IRS agent at harpoon-point Kat Minkowski making Hera her own LLC so she has rights now: This is legal according to Citizens United as long as no one looks at it too closely (my dad became an LLC today so he can contract with his work after he retires. I joked he will be the last person able to vote in the household once they take everyone else's rights away but corporations are people) Gill “Minkowski Commits Tax Fraud” would be an amazing chapter title for a fic at some point though Kat Minkowski early in the mission diligently doing her taxes in space because she's a good American citizen Minkowski like 5 years later: fuck capitalism Gill That one meme image but it’s, Minkowski: You mean the game was rigged all along? Minkowski @ herself: always has been. Kate This is my strongest Minkowski belief Gill Minkowski: wow, capitalism sucks, and growing up in a Soviet satellite state was also awful. Perhaps… the true problem… is giving people the power to wholly dictate other people’s lives…

*

Kat after the story of the Hephaestus crew breaks and they're famous Eiffel gets Minkowski a funko pop of herself it has a little harpoon Kinsey i support this wholeheartedly Gill It is both unsettling and adorable. She sets it proudly on her desk at work Kat someone coming into Comms Director Minkowski's office: uhhhhh Minkowski sitting next to her funko pop: what it's got the same psychic damage potential as Cutter having a #1 dad mug on his desk and everyone's too scared to ask about it Gill Concept: Minkowski eventually being gifted the Funko Pop versions of her entire crew They’re referred to affectionately(?) as her minions Kate If you’ve been called to her office because you’ve done something Sketchy and Capitalistic, you might even prefer looking into the creepy flat soulless eyes of the funko pop rather than Minkowski’s very, very sharp and angry human ones Gill Another mental image. Lovelace, beholding her funko pop: I mean, I don’t think my eyes are that terrifying even when I’m possessed by unknown cosmic entities, but other than that, it’s a perfect likeness. Lovelace: Look, she even has her arms folded because she’s mad at the other little plastic crewmates for being idiots. I love her.

[ninjakittenarmy]

Was thinking about the trend of people compiling oneshots from unrelated fandoms into one published anthology labeled as a crossover and I figured like some others I’d try to explain a few things to people doing this for why this isn’t a good idea.

Putting multiple fandoms into a work gets it labeled a crossover. The expectation is that the two+ settings will be featured in one story. There’s a wide variety of types of crossover but people generally expect stuff like characters from each setting interacting, or characters from one setting being transported into another or an overarching story relevant to both worlds even if they don’t interact directly or stuff like that. It’s fairly self explanatory. If you tag with more than one fandom, that’s what people usually expect. I can think of other things that could justify it but not separate stories that are unrelated. You publish those as separate works. If you’re going to publish separate oneshots as an anthology, they best ALL be crossovers. Anything that isn’t should be published separately. Otherwise it clutters the search results and makes it harder for everyone to find what they’re actually looking for and that is only going to attract negative attention to your work as people grumble about them while scrolling past.

There’s not much benefit to publishing anthologies on AO3 to begin with. Anthologies of unrelated short stories are typically published like that for convenience for the reader and publisher. It’s far easier and cheaper to buy a whole book of short stories than to buy them as like, pamphlets. More profitable too because more people buy them as collections. That’s not relevant here since you already have a website full of search results for all of these stories. Only real reason to publish oneshots together is if there’s something tying them together. Same continuity, same theme, same scenario etc. and DEFINITELY same fandom and preferably ship(s). This sort of anthology makes sense because it’s meant to be viewed as a whole work as well as a collection.

AO3 already has a feature for putting stories into collections. Collections have their own tags for stuff common in all the stories. Title can reflect the reason they’re paired together. The stories still show up individually in the search so everyone finds the one they’re looking for without sifting through all of them but they’re still told they’re part of the collection so they’re prompted to look into it. Tutorial here.

Adding on to that, there should be a reason for these stories to be in a collection aside from the fact that you wrote them since people can just view your author page for that. People do actually click on those pretty often.

There’s no algorithm on AO3. This one you’ve probably heard shouted in bold text in large fonts often. I’m trying to keep this more calm since that can get overwhelming at times. There’s no feed on AO3, just search results, and the search results are based solely on what is entered in the field. This means that there’s no inherent benefits or drawbacks for stories of long or short lengths. This is in contrast to social media sites, a lot of search engines, and video platforms who prioritize promoting the content the company believes is most profitable for whatever reason. On say, YouTube, you see stuff like content creators combining videos that were posted in parts into longer videos because the algorithm used to favor short stuff and now favors long stuff, and that fluctuates a lot. We don’t have that on AO3 bc it doesn’t matter what becomes popular there. AO3 doesn’t make revenue off the site, it was designed not to because companies and authors have sued a lot of fic writers and sites for copyright infringement if they did. Fanfiction.net gets away with having ads so long as it’s nonprofit, but AO3 relies solely on donations because advertisers tend to demand you make sites friendlier to their brand and that’s a whole other can of worms. Point is, AO3 doesn’t care which content becomes popular, it’s just a place for it to exist at all. More or fewer tags, fandoms etc. won’t game the algorithm to promote your stuff. Only thing it changes is who’s looking for it. People who want long stuff search for higher word counts and vice versa. Without an algorithm trying to convince you to favor something, it’s a complete toss up who reads what as far as you’re concerned. Which tags you use and how many also do not boost your work’s likelihood of showing up.

[amisoma]

captalism is ruining our life

many have said it and many more will , we know ai is shit ,we've heard abt the writers strike but do we know the root problem

if we look at many recent tragedies ull realise its all captalism but why is captalism like this why captalism in basic means money for money its a term made for the industrial revolution we progress as a society together thats the idea aint it?

but if u look at todays society ull see that captalism is only helping the rich in captalism theres one man in power and everyone else works for him captalism dosent look at ppls value and indiviulism it just makes the rich richer u could argue it gives a sense of community and arent big problems

well then why did depression and suicide rates suddenly increase the exact thing i said can be translated intot he ai situation ppl are loosing thier jobs for ai even though we as consumers dont like it tell me truthfully how do u feel abt ai customer service ? good giddy ? ai situation is basicaslly happring bc ppl are already viewed as tools i can go into more detail but this post will become unbearably long if i do so ill make a dif post abt them

now lets talk abt where captalism starts what if i told u it starts from our school system? the unhappines hopelessnes and all power to the rich?

what do our school system focus on ull say its education but think abt it when ur scrolling through yutbe and fina cool scinece video dont u find it interesting and fun btu if the same concept is thought in school why is it boring? whats the differnce between home and school? think, by the question of thinking are u ever allowed to think subjects abt thinking are neglected at school arent they? art not imp writing not imp philoscophy not imp why is it that we have normalised kids being happy that their sick isntead of goin to school isnt it messed up u must be wondering what this has to do with captalism

well what other system requires students are calcuted by value and not human thoughts and ideas captalism

so my hindside is that captalism is ruining us since we wereb orn earth everyday and is like a bacteria that wont stop growing we need a alternative a system that sees ppl as ppl and not tools ik thi was kinda messy and maybe ill rewrite it but i just want ppl to know even though its hopeless everyone is hopeless so there can be change after all nothing unifies ppl more than a better place then this

[the--highlanders]

20 questions for fic writers

super late but tagged by @penny-anna, thank you!!

How many works do you have on ao3?

203 apparently! which is like, a lot but also doesn't feel like that many for how long I've been posting now

what’s your total ao3 word count?

1,060,055, and I'm still SUPER proud of hitting a million words. don't think I'm ever gonna write as much again as I did in 2022 (how did I write almost 400k in a year????) but apparently I'm over 100k for this year so. happy with that even though I haven't written nearly as much as I'd like due to like, general life stuff

What fandoms do you write for?

just second doctor era dr who! I definitely get like, story ideas for other fandoms I enjoy, and occasionally I'll idly imagine writing some of them, but never really seriously. I've kinda made an active choice for this to be my niche and I don't seem to have run out of ideas yet so

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

ok I'm gonna cut out like, 'fics' that are actually compilations of prompt fics etc bc I feel like that's cheating but. let's see

in the night i lie and look up at you (when the morning comes i watch you rise)

Sacrificial

Revelations

Vigil

tell me how you'll kiss me when i touch down

weird list tbh! big fan of the first and last one being there but like... sacrificial in particular I was NOT happy with ahgjklfdjgf. I do like vigil tho

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes absolutely!!! they fill me with so much joy & serotonin so I like to reply, & also I love love love discussing stuff w/ people in the comments (hi @galacticlamps ahjkgfd). I'm very very behind on it right now but I will get around to them all I promise!!!

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending

oughfkdjg this is tough. I do think if only we could have been brave on time was pretty angsty, I don't usually write fics that toy so much with major character death.

there's a few others but the first one that jumped out at me while scrolling through my fics was i'm trying to reach you (before all the ghosts do). minor character/oc death this time but like. the whole fic was very much born out of the image of its angsty ending, so.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hm I mean I do write a lot of angstless fluff!! so like, any of those. but I'm gonna go with litany for a reunion, because so much of it is angsty that I think the ending seems happier because of it.

Do you get hate on fics?

not yet! but this fandom is pretty chill so.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I am very very sex-repulsed ace it would not be a good time for anybody <3

Do you write crossovers?

not in the sense of like, bringing characters from one fandom into another. if I had the stamina/confidence to do proper longfics I'd absolutely do more aus, some of which are inspired by other media (if you guys could see the fairytale aus that live in my head.), and I /do/ have a daemon au.

the only crossover I've really done is Lifeboat, which is like. still a concept I enjoy. ark/its lore is something so close to my heart, so it was a lot of fun to fuse it with dr who. plus I just like imagining that victoria's dad was surrounded by so so so many unhinged mad scientists. & I also find it very very very funny that the ark character in question is now voiced by david tennant

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I'm aware of! again like. small and chill fandom. who's going to be doing that.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no, and I don't think I'd want to - I'm a little bit too precious/sensitive about my writing to even have like, a beta reader or anything. I don't think I'd do well trying to co-write with someone. the closest I've come is kind of co-plotting out fics with other people (the plot of the selkie au is as much @ettelwenailinon's brainchild as mine <333)

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I have been so deeply invested in two/jamie for so long that I can no longer untangle it from myself.

What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

the fic I want to write most is a super comprehensive multichapter spanning about two years between jamie getting dropped off at culloden after the war games and two coming to pick him up again for 6b. I have a general sweep of the arc, some summary notes, and pages and pages of historical notes for it. unfortunately I don't think I'm ever going to feel like I've done enough historical research to justify writing it, even if I do somehow magically get myself to buck up into writing proper longfic.

What are your writing strengths?

hm idk! I'm quite pleased with some of my prose/descriptions sometimes. & I've had a few comments over the years saying I'm good at characterisation, which is always nice to hear.

I never really know what's good about my writing tho. not out of any sense of inferiority or false modesty or anything, I just. don't think that deeply about writing in general. the words come out & if I like them I like them

What are your writing weaknesses?

^^^ as I am always saying I wish I could break down the mental block that's stopping me from writing longfic

kinda related but like. I'm definitely a perfectionist and that can paralyse me sometimes when I'm trying to write a first draft.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I need to do it more often!!

my absolute dream would be to be able to translate all my fics into gàidhlig tbh. but I love love love giving jamie gàidhlig dialogue, or even just dropping little turns of phrase into his english dialogue, stuff like that. I definitely feel like there's some space between how I write/characterise jamie and how he is on screen, but to some degree that's a conscious decision. I'm always trying to strike a balance between like, writing him in character and writing him in a way that feels authentic to his time and cultural background. but dropping in bits of gàidhlig is a fun way of doing that (and also of getting myself to write in the language which is definitely good practice)

First fandom you wrote for?

hm I mean technically ig it was the saddle club. I was like 3 years old and I wrote a 'book' about the horses.

in terms of like, actively writing fic with the conscious knowledge of what fic was, probably fic about warrior cats ocs when I was about 11/12.

Favorite fic you’ve written?

old ghost's waltz, always. I loved how it came together, it was my first real dip into doing super historical jamie fic & a sort of replacement for the post-war games longfic I may never write, and it was a response to the phantom piper, which drives me absolutely insane in both good and bad ways. like it gave me so many ideas but god I could fix her.

unsorted is a very solid second though. it had all the historical fic joy of old ghost's waltz (even more so in some parts - the scene with jamie and connie might be my favourite scene I've ever written), and it was just. so cathartic to write as an expression of a headcanon I'd kind of hidden for so many years bc I was worried it wouldn't be well-received. it's my favourite fic to get comments on just because it always feels like a relief to see people enjoying it.

tagging @galacticlamps, @p0stscripter, @ettelwenailinon and anyone else who wants to do this!!

[rangedreign]

ohhh my favourite part of ask games, (harmless) petty fandom drama. i know these are a lot so ofc feel free to pick and choose but im nosy and love gossip so if you feel like it *eyes emoji*:

1 2 (just for the drama lol) 6 (feel free to ignore i understand u completely but i live for drama lol) 7 (MORE) 8 12 (<3) 16 (*eyes emoji*) 21 22 (for some final positivity)

1 - the character everyone gets wrong cedric the sorcerer. he deserves respect as a person, and the royal family was wrong to deny him that, but he does little to earn respect as royal sorcerer. 'oh he has such a good and relatable arc' whup tee doo his grand finale was... *checks notes* doing his job correctly. the one he's been training for his whole life. color me unimpressed by a character that should have either left that job YEARS ago or put a little effort into anticipating what he'd be asked to do and practicing instead of trying to prove his worth through stunts and domination.

2 - a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom can't do it lol, everyone's a verse in my mind

6 - which ship fans are the most annoying? shoutout to the time i went through the snape/lily tag and couldn't scroll 3 posts without a james/lily shipper trying to pull moral rank. however i think 75% of the hp fandom has ship rabies.

7 - what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them? eh, none, i don't let fandom influence my interpretations of characters that way. cedric is closest but the fandom misinterpretation is just an additional annoyance, rather than a driving force

8 - common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about 'cedric and sofia have a good relationship'. shipping or not, they're completely one-sided. what does cedric provide sofia with? he doesn't even listen to her particularly well.

12 - the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them to no one's surprise, my first pick here is wormwood from sofia the first. he was created as a joke, ha ha the pet is smarter than the human master, but then the show makes you judge him by human moral standards as the foil to cedric's 'deserving of second chances'. the show itself asks you to view a character that cannot leave servitude as human, and wants you to believe that his station is right. it's so deeply unfair. i care him. i respect him. i want to see him take the power of humanity for himself, abuse it, naturally, because that's all humans have ever done to him, then grow into a complete person when he realizes he cares despite it all. knowing that, i feel like mentioning areelu should come as no surprise. doing great evil in response to evil that was done to you? that's so up my alley. up my pussy even. making her bond with daeran of all people is such a great idea, someone who cannot forgive her, but must move on and work with her regardless. it seems like most people write her off as too evil to live, but she's still a super genius. there's a lot to be gained by befriending her. the gold dragon ""redemption"" happens so absurdly fast though. 'oh shit guess this is pretty fucked up, so glad you're a piss-colored lizard bc that's the only way i'd ever listen to you' wrath's writing in general has a bit of a quantity over quality issue. a lacking-logic issue. no way my azata would sacrifice herself just cuz without knowing what areelu will do once she's gone.

16 - you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc) - hero-type main characters in general. idk exactly what it is but i find most of them very dull, and often irritating. a lack of desires beyond duty? can't often be described as freaks? they just never have any footholds for interesting ideas to me. - gold aasimar cum. if you want something golden to come out of daeran's dick, you can just make him piss XD also does that imply his hair is naturally white? - daeran x chill/lawful/'boring' kcs - i can tell that on some level he wants the stability from people like that, but i can't see him actually bonding with them. esp not towards the start of the game. - truly, utterly pathetic meow meows. like, listen, i love shoving a character into a Situation and watching them flounder around, but they've gotta be proficient at something!

21 - part of canon you think is overhyped for just about everything: the worldbuilding. i think people get impressed by the mere existence of worldbuilding, rather than the quality of it. pf surprised me when i looked deeper into stuff and found it gave me the same 'this is a hot mess and i have to make shit up for it to make sense' feeling as stf. i expected better from a massive ttrpg but ok. for wrath, also the characters and the music. the characters rely on one-note personalities with maybe a ~hint~ of spice, with one extremely notable exception of daeran. the degree to which he beats out every other character in complexity is stunning, really. the music is... just fine? it's not amazing, it does exactly what you'd expect a track for that purpose to do. I think most of the tracks have muddy orchestration, too much focus on harmony/vibes and not enough on rhythm and melody. the one track i really love is 'a drink before the battle', it has a great flow and dynamics and i wish it played more often.

22 - your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores the villains/antagonists, best part of literally any media ever

[theinconveniencing]

good morning ladies it is 6am and I spent the entire night awake and I’ll explain why under the cut bc I am gonna vent abt my health issues again and I’m gonna talk about vomit and all my stomach and eating issues as of late so just be aware of that. and this is all like a massive tmi but none of you are real so it’s okay

okay yeah so basically last night I had avocado toast for dinner which I’ve never had before and it was really good and that’s actually not relevant I just wanted to tell you guys. also not relevant but I was listening to tower of nero while I did that and I can’t believe how much I actually care about this series now. the lester effect I guess I’ll talk about that in a post once I finish the series

anyways I was still hungry after the toast so I ate some leftover gas station jojos from the day before and you’re probably like “carmen ofc you felt sick again last night you ate fucking gas station jojos” and yeah maybe I did and it’s not exactly the smartest decision but I also ate them two desperate times the day before so idk why this time would be any different since it hasn’t even been 2 days since I bought them. but yeah halfway though eating those (and watching my ethanimale video🫶) I started to not feel great so I was like fuck it I’ll go to bed. and I was sooooo excited to go to bed bc I was exhausted and since I’m home alone I was (tmi) gonna sleep naked bc I’ve never slept naked and it sounds fun as hell. and I’m sure it would have been if my stomach wasn’t doing backflips the whole time and despite the fact that I Just Fuckig Ate I was very noticeably hungry. I tried to fall asleep and ended up just doing that half in and out of consciousness thing that was going on last time I was sick like this. without the hallucination stress nightmares this time. except every time my stomach did a flip big enough to wake me up, I did in fact have to go to the bathroom to shit. and guys this is gross but I truly have no idea how I was able to shit so much like i took at least five full sized shits and I’m not even constipated or anything like WHERE did it all come from. every time I got up I was legit flabbergasted. anyways. I ate half a fig bar to try and get some more food in my system and finally put on some clothes and did what I know always helps when I’m sick: lay on the living room couch.

side note shoutout to my sister for insisting hat this couch was so soft and comfy that we Needed to buy it and the matching chair despite the fact that we didn’t need new living room furniture. we absolutely did and she’s the mvp of my life for that.

so yeah I was finally able to get some sleep out here on the couch and I still wasn’t feeling Great but I was able to actually sleep which is a testament to the power of this couch. and it was fine I was waking up to piss like eve Rey half hour big I’ve been driving a lot of water since it’s the only thing I can stomach and I was getting up to shit every half hour before so what does it matter. and it was all fine I could handle this until I needed to wake up for work (whether I’m going idk) but then I won’t up and I was like “yeah I’m definitely gonna throw up” so I threw up. and like here’s where it’s weird. like first of all it was a Lot of water considering how much I’ve been pissing out every 30 minutes for the whole night. second of all I threw up carrots which I haven’t had since wednesday night and god could they possibly still be in my stomach considering how much shitting I’ve done this morning. very weird.

but yeah I feel a bit better now and I tried to call my mom but she’s off the grid on a camping trip (boooooo👎) so I texted her instead and it said it went through so hopefully she gets back to me on that. I’m gonna scroll through some posts then try and get back to sleep bc despite how hungry I am right now my persistent lack of appetite is striking again and i don’t think if actually be able to eat anything right now. god bless.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

That answers my question I just completely forgot to send it in omfg I CANNOT let myself get distracted while replying anymore I literally like almost deleted this note thinking I already sent it in goodbye.

But anyways….……

LMFAOOO THANK YOU I APPRECIATE THE SUPPORT!!! You’ll be the first to know if I ever actually start using it HAHA honestly you’d probably end up answering some boomer like tumblr questions of mine bc I’m ngl why’s there sm on this platform HAHA now that I think about it though I straight up just don’t post anywhere maybe I should start changing that…..

NO SO TRUE because I just KNOW they’re picking the juiciest stories like I’m not scrolling through that subreddit myself HAHA

Just doing my part for the Karasu community!!! Gotta kick start it somewhere yk hopefully I’m inspiring people to talk and request Karasu more often!!!! LMAO wait that’s actually kinda crazy though HAHAHA I guess the Hiori requester sniffed out your secret side character vibes before I did smh….lowk that is interesting though?? Ok my thought process was definitely 1) ok she knows Kaiser so she’s def read the manga 2) she has no character limits so I’m just gonna shoot my shot (it worked out in the best possible way omg) I’ve def seen blogs that only write for the main characters ****itoshis but a good amount of them do out only a specific handful of characters in their request rules….wait actually pause I think the main tipping point for me is actually when I ended up reading cherry tree and was like no fucking way Karasu mention??? Time to test the waters because I kid you not I loved the way you did cherry tree but I was also so fucking hooked on the Karasu cameo I was like oh em gee….karasu mention and HE TALKS?? Guys….so yeah!! Actually that also jogs my memory and clears up my own thoughts of how I first found you (again…??) my memory’s kinda bad if you couldn’t tell HAHAHA

Ok……Mira really trying to solidify the shower evidence…sus…/j

THATS WHAT IM SAYING HAHAHAAH ok but like I was a little surprised that they were the color scene I thought it would’ve been some Kaiser Isagi Rin looking thing with maybe mini side characters in the bg kinda like your current header! Stop did we just manifest ego glow up too??

That’s funny because I also haven’t watched but ik what you’re talking about because I remember seeing people freak out over it LMAOOO BUT FR omg shin ah so gorgeous??? Also omfg you’re so right??? The side by side of Hak and hair down zantetsu….the resemblance is uncanny….but FR S2 being my real male leads into the spotlight please….

Tbh I don’t have high hopes for the fandom but we’ll know in our hearts that Karasu is just a closeted sweetheart loser!!! Ok the Nagi cheater allegations and red flags are actually INSANE like how tf??????????? I seriously have no idea what people are on do you think bro even has the energy to cheat……

LMAOO you’re giving them a reality check on everyone’s behalf we thank you for your service o7

Honestly pop off LMAOO like who’s gonna go challenge your parents sooo also wtf????!!!! BRO DID WHAT???!!!! wtf I literally have no words what the helllllllll glad you’re safe now but omg I hope you never have to experience something like that again….um wdym you have more stories like that??????????? Idk if you’ve ever seen those wild tiktok sponsored posts of like this weird pheromone attractive perfume I think you need creep repellent you’re rizz is too strong…..wtf…..also ENJOY SWITZERLAND!!!!!

But omg another storm shshshs stay safe??? Manifesting your electricity holds up from now on HAHA I’d imagine there aren’t storms in Switzerland rn so….

-Karasu anon

LMAOO no i always get so distracted that ‘save draft’ button is my savior when it comes to answering asks but ik you can’t really do that when sending them 😭 if i ever take more than like a day to respond without explanation feel free to send a check-in ask because that means i’m either being unprecedented levels of offline or i just didn’t get it/see it!!

tumblr takes soo long to get a hang of i will be happy to answer any boomer questions of yours as i probably had the same questions when i first began using the app!! i will always be here for the reveal if/when it comes

i guess the side character vibes i give off are too strong…also hiori made a cameo in cherry tree alongside otoya and karasu so they might’ve made a similar journey as you LMAOAO especially because they mentioned in the request that they had read and liked cherry tree!! that’s so funny that that fic (which i wrote for the most basic character ever) is what led to side character fans finding me!! omg no because tbh there was no reason for karasu to be the one talking in that scene but i was starving and desperate to write him and i thought he could pull it off and now i’m so glad i did that!! and yeah a lot of people tend to only write for a few characters which i think is fair because i 100% get being uncomfortable writing for characters you’re unfamiliar with 🧐 me personally though…if i’m in a fandom there’s not a character in it I WON’T write for!! if i’m too unfamiliar with them i’ll just do research until i feel decent abt it (that’s what i did for the hiori request hehe read and reread his ln + wiki until i was like “okay i think i can do this”)

I SHOWER I PROMISE I SHOWER (not clickbait!!)

maybe this means the NEL arc is ending soon?? like they’re putting all of the coaches in the color spread because we won’t see them again for a while…honestly i really liked this (much more exciting than the last epinagi one) and i’m happy it wasn’t the kaiser + isagi + rin combo again!! all of the coaches are really interesting to me as they all show diff pitfalls of professionals sports (chris + vanity, snuffy + depression/burnout, loki + selfishness, lavinho + immaturity iirc?? and noa + being boring af /j) honestly i could read a spinoff abt all of them too!! and omg ego glow up too…we sensed the vibes in the air and we knew egonation was about to RISE

SHINAH MY BELOVEDDD omg i actually once started a fic for him that was the precursor for hurricanes / hummingbirds in many ways and i still think abt it sometimes but like the fandom for yotd is so nonexistent that i never got the motivation to finish it!! but i think i answered an ask abt it as part of a tag game once here if you’re in the mood for some mira writing while waiting for bfb!! no but the resemblance between zantetsu and hak is uncanny omg team v trio is actually team shoujo trio all of them look like they deserve to be male leads…zantetsu in a historical fantasy shoujo, nagi in a high school slice of life but also mental health focused shoujo, and reo in a ceo romance shoujo SKDJFHS they’re all so bf i love them

we will always know the truth abt karasu and that’s what matters 😩 no because i need to know…do the nagi cheater/red flag (which are unrelated to his laziness) allegations stem from him “leaving” reo during second selection?? because if so that’s insane to me there’s such a difference between joining a different soccer team and cheating on your romantic partner 😭 in epinagi even reo himself acknowledges that he SHOULD be happy for nagi and nagi is so ‘no thoughts head empty’ about it LKDFJGNS bro fr was putting the pieces together like isagi…”play soccer with isagi -> get better at soccer -> win world cup with reo 😄” HOW IS THIS A RED FLAG???

LMAOOO it’s so bad i feel like looking back my time in high school just sounds unreal?? i sent a picture of my eye to another guy i was friends with (in the same friend group as the other two ironically) to show him my new mascara and no joke he responded with an entire verse comparing my eyes to “the heavens” 😭⁉️ and there was also a point in my senior year when i kinda liked a junior on the soccer team (so bfb reader of me but like. reversed.) but for some reason everyone shipped me with the captain of the soccer team?? like people would harass my FRIENDS asking if i liked him…meanwhile i liked mr junior varsity who didn’t even get playtime 😓 it was so bad too i went to a soccer game and everyone thought i was attending to watch the captain, INCLUDING THE GUY I WAS INTO 😐 i went up to congratulate him after the game and bro fr said “did you see the captain play he was amazing” i just left at that point because what can you even do…these are relatively tame in terms of mira lore sadly KJSHGHDFK this is why i have never had a boyfriend or first kiss or anything like that 💔 they’re all CRAZY 😱

SWITZERLAND SOON!! unfortunately my dreams of finishing bfb before my flight are definitely not coming true sooo ig i know what i’m doing for the entire plane ride!! hopefully the lack of distractions will help me finish it up and then i can just proofread in my downtime and hopefully post at some point soon…feel like i’ve been teasing you all for so long but i promise it will be long enough to make the wait worth it (i hope anyways)

[ooglywooglies]

i know that discourse thingy was some very ignorable shit, i think it normally would be but detox makes me stupid and moody so im gonna keep complaining (sorry)

but that particular thing of people just like assigning you a specific ideology and making assumptions about your beliefs based on that assignment that THEY made is so... why do we do that, and im clearly also guilty of it on some level considering i saw proship in that one persons bio and went oh that means they enjoy fiction that promotes harmful ideas (there is nuance to what proship can mean but generally i dont trust it bc i associate it with incest and pedophilia which i dont think are concepts one should be even exploring on a public space like the internet but im not against dark topics in fiction, explorative or otherwise)

like you wanna talk about food and animals with me, you assume im either a vegan or not a vegan, technically im not a vegan. technically im a weirdo whos very into the demystification of death in general (i could also go on about our obsession with corpse preservation/decay avoidance and how i think its bad and wrong) im a zoologist, i like hunting and fishing but not for sport, i dont eat beef as a choice (for multiple reasons i dont care to explain right now but none of them involve my feelings about the cow itself)

like truly we do not know each other why would you or i or anyone else be confident enough to make a debate out of any stray perspective you find. thats generally how i like to be on the internet is like, im just out here saying shit i dont expect anyone to respond, youre not invited to either. im not familiar with all the ways tumblr has changed in the past couple years but i swear people did not used to be able to find your posts if you did not tag them, but i guess its good that you can turn off reblogs now. like i know its on me to take some responsibility and make sure my void is really a void but i also dont feel like shit i post has ever screamed HEY YOU THERE SCROLLING THROUGH A TAG I DIDNT ACTUALLY ADD, IM TALKING TO YOU SPECIFICALLY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THIS

and no one has any way of knowing this because how could you but its not based on my assumptions about you but i hate strangers, so fucking much. theres not much that makes my blood boil more than someone talking to me when i have 0 familiarity with them, unless i asked for it i guess. like im an artist i have to grapple with that sometimes. if were not mutuals or ive never seen your name before im NEVER talking to you and i despise you for trying. it doesnt matter because its impossible to know this beforehand, but its still the case anyway.

okay my drowsey medicine kick't in hmmm maybe i get to takes a nap at 7 in the morning teehee

[cable-knit-sweater]

Uhhhh so I'm supposed to be in my idk-what-i'm-doing-here meeting but I was scrolling real quick through Tumblr and saw this post you reblogged... And ughhhh, now I can't stop thinking it's deep Evanstan energy of them both at a mutual friends' wedding and trying to go back to their hotel rooms but one of them is locked out of their room 👀

Oh, what are they to do???? 😏😏😏

PS: I still don't know what I'm doing in this meeting. Why did they invite me???

Love ya! ✨

Hiii lovely 💕💕💕 I absolutely love it when you ignore work to come talk to me 😂😂 I hope that meeting wasn’t too bad and you eventually figured out what it was about lol

And Oh My GOD yes 😍😍😍 I love that idea. I… I love a lot about that idea. Everything, really. I know ideally this idea involves them finally getting it together and Chris fucking Seb’s brains out, but the fluff/cute drunk idiots getting together in the most cheesy way- thing I came up with in the last… 45 min lmao will have to do 😂 (below the cut, possibly full of mistakes bc I didn’t read it before posting lmao, hope you still enjoy)

Love you toooo 💕💕💕

Evanstan, 1.4k, T

“Fuck”, he curses under his breath. He was sure that he put the keycard in his suit jacket pocket, but now he can’t find it. He pats himself down, hoping he can find it in one of his other pockets, but no, it’s really not there. He’s not sure what to do, feels stupid going back down and asking reception for a new one, not too eager at the possibility of running into people again and having to make excuses. He knows he’s being dramatic, they’d probably easily give him a new one. He sighs, resigning himself to the fact that it’s really his only option.

Before he can turn around and walk back to the elevator, he hears footsteps coming up behind him, followed by a deep voice he knows all too well. Fuck. Guess he’s gonna look like an idiot in front of the guy he’s been impossibly, painfully in love with for like, a decade.

“Hey, everything okay?” Chris asks, and his voice sounds a little slurred. He can’t blame him. Sebastian definitely had a couple of drinks too many, with the open bar at Scarlett’s wedding being very generous in their pours. He turns around to look at Chris, whose hair is a little messy, like he’s been running his fingers through it for a while, a couple of the top buttons on his white shirt open and his tie hanging loosely around his neck. He looks a little flushed too. “You were gone”, Chris continues, “tried to find ya but…”, he gestures, trailing off and scratching the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

Sebastian looks at him, braces himself to be laughed at. “I…I guess I was just getting a little tired, thought it’d be good to get some sleep but…”, he shrugs, “must have lost my keycard somewhere”. He can’t look Chris in the eye, can’t deal with being made fun of, especially not wanting him to see the embarrassed flush of his cheeks.

But when Chris laughs, it doesn’t feel like it’s directed at him. It’s light, airy, the sound of it making Sebastian snap his eyes back up. “Oh man, I don’t think I can even count the amount of times that happened to me.”, he says, before sobering up a little. “Want me to help you look? Or go downstairs to get a new one?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “It’s fine, I don’t think I’ll be able to find it now. Will just…” he sighs deeply, “I’ll just go ask them for a new one I guess”. Chris nods, hums. Sebastian is about to say good night, make his way to the elevator, but when he’s about to open his mouth to talk, no sound comes out. Nothing comes out because… when he looks at Chris, he’s staring at Sebastian’s lips intently, biting his own, pulling his lower lip into his mouth with his teeth. “I..I should-should go get that key, yeah, uhm. Yeah, good night?”, he finally manages to stammer out, but he doesn’t wait for a response, feeling like he’s only embarrassing himself further.

He presses the button to call the elevator, staring up at the numbers, willing them to go down more quickly. He lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding when it dings, the elevator mercifully empty and steps inside. But before the doors close, an arm reaches in and blocks them. He stares up into Chris’s eyes, blue-green and glittering. “You could, you could go get another keycard”, Chris starts off, looking a little nervous. “Or, you could uhm. I don’t mind. If you’d wanna crash with me, figure it out tomorrow?”.

Sebastian thinks his heart is gonna beat out of his chest. He’s not sure he can find his voice, but he sees what he thinks is hope slowly dimming in Chris’s eyes, sees him start to reach back his arm that’s blocking the doors from closing. He quickly steps forward, “yeah, yeah I- I’d love that if you’re sure that’s okay?”. Chris beams back at him. “Yeah. Definitely.”

It’s a little awkward, Chris’s arm still reached out, Sebastian having taken a step forward. It’s like they’re both frozen in place a little, close, too close together, and they’re shaken out of it when the elevator doors ding again trying to close. “Oh, yeah. Right”, Chris says, stepping back, gesturing for Sebastian to follow. When he gets to his room, he puts the keycard in, but he goes to fast, and it doesn’t unlock. He tries again, laughing in frustration when it doesn’t work. He looks back at Sebastian, blushing a little.

“Could you…?”, he asks, and Sebastian nods and takes the card from him, shivering a little when their fingers brush. He gets it on the first try though, opening up the door and gesturing for Chris to go in first. He follows right behind, softly closing the door and turning around to see Chris stumble over to the bed. “You need to borrow anything to wear? To sleep?” Chris ask, and Sebastian shakes his head. He’ll just…he guesses he’ll just sleep in his boxers and undershirt. Fuck.

“I’m just gonna go use the bathroom”, he calls out, needing a little space to get his head together. He splashes some water in his face, staring at himself in the mirror, trying to convince himself that this is not a big deal, that he can handle it. But who is he trying to kid here. He shakes his head at himself, starts taking off his suit. When he’s done in the bathroom and makes his way to the bed, he sees Chris still sitting in the same spot he left him.

“Everything okay?” he tries, still feeling unsure about how to handle this whole situation. When Chris looks up at him, he’s pouting. “The buttons. Ughhh. They’re not- can’t seem to open them”, he mumbles, a frown on his face. Okay. Maybe Chris is more than a little drunk. That’s fine. Maybe that means he won’t remember all of Sebastian’s awkwardness and stupidity in the morning.

He makes his way over. “Need some help?”, he asks and Chris nods at him, so he leans down and helps Chris unbutton his shirt. How they managed to hang on so long in the first place, Sebastian doesn’t know. That shirt is stretched tight. When he gets to the last one and looks up, the look on Chris’s face makes all of the air in his lungs disappear instantly. His lips are wet, a little red from where he’s been biting them. But it’s the look in his eyes that makes Sebastian have some trouble breathing. It’s. He looks hungry.

He doesn’t get much time to think about why, or if he’s maybe mistaking, because a fraction of a second later, Chris is pulling him up, pressing his lips to Sebastian’s. He can taste hints of beer, whiskey, and the traces of a cigarette Chris must have stolen off someone. He closes his eyes, praying for the moment to not come to an end, but as quickly as Chris had moved in, he’s moving away again.

“Fuck. Shit. I. Fuck. Seb, I’m sorry I..”, Chris starts, scrambling back further onto the bed. “I shouldn’t. I’m sorry.” Sebastian takes a step back, giving him some room, studying his face. He’s not sure what to do, what to say. Should he leave? He feels a little heartbroken, thinking Chris must not have realized what he was doing, who he was kissing until it was too late. He turns around, thinking he’ll just get dressed, get a keycard and just figure it all out tomorrow, if Chris even remembers.

But then Chris whispers. “I didn’t want it to happen like that”, he hears him say, and he looks back around at him, in shock. It takes all of his energy to ask it, but he does. “Do you mean like this, because you’re drunk? Or at all?”, he tries, bracing himself for the response once again that night. “Like. Like this”, Chris says, voice still quiet. He shakes his head at himself, sighs deeply. “Wanted to do that for a long time”, he says then, and the sadness in his voice breaks Sebastian’s heart, but what he’s saying…that makes him feel a little like he’s floating.

He can’t stand the hurt, disappointed look on Chris’s face though, so he walks back to the bed, takes Chris’s hand from where he’s nervously tugging at the sheets. “Me too. For a long time”, he whispers back, and if he felt like he was floating before? Seeing the relieved, happy look on Chris’s face after he says that? He’s not sure he’s ever gonna get back onto solid ground.

(Obv they fall asleep wrapped up in each other and have some amazing morning sex when they’re both sober and not feeling too hungover lmao)