#no on actually cares about this I’m so sorry to anyone subjected to my posts

[poppitron360]

Someone sent me an ask ages ago about my Valdangelo hcs, but it somehow got deleted? I’m really really sorry bc I missed a chance of a lifetime to infodump so I hope you’re reading this if that was you and you’ve been waiting for my response- here it is. Please please please don’t be discouraged I love it when people send me asks.

This also doubles up as the third instalment of my series about “Why Literally Any Ship Is Better Than Caleo/Deep-Dive Into My Thoughts On All Leo Ships”:

Pt. 1 Valzhang

Pt. 2 Valgrace

We were robbed of Leo and Nico’s friendship. I get that there are a lot of characters and so many arcs to give them, but I wish that Rick had given them more time to interact and spent less time on Caleo, because tbh we never really cared about Cal for any reason other than to develop the men’s arcs. Because Platonic Valdangelo has so much potential that just isn’t covered in the books, I’m gonna base most of this post on what COULD’VE been, from fannon and headcannons.

1. They are Trauma Twinsies. By that, I mean they are both metaphors for different ways of coping with loss. Nico pushes others away from himself, not wanting to get close to anyone. Leo pushes himself away from others, hiding behind an idealised version of himself. Both believe that letting others in would just lead to rejection, and so they shut everyone out to protect themselves. But I feel like Nico copes with it a lot better than Leo does. He has an outlet for it- being emo. As someone who dabbles with emoism myself, I can tell you that, for me, wearing those clothes actually makes me incredibly happy. Nico is owning his pain. Leo is bottling it all up inside and then hiding it behind the jokes and the smiles. I feel like Nico could teach Leo to let it out a bit.

2. Also, their backstories match in more ways than one. Both their moms were killed because of a prophecy about them- leading them both to blame themselves for their deaths. Both have been treated as outcasts because of their powers, Nico by CHB and CJ, Leo by his family (and probably CHB as well, though we don’t really see how he was treated after revealing his abilities). Both ran away because of that. Both probably have religious trauma. They’ve both lost everyone they’ve ever cared about. They’re both being smothered with love and affection by Jason and the rest of the fandom. They both cope with feeling alone by spending more time talking to things that aren’t alive, Nico to the dead, Leo to his machines.

3. So imagine how they could seek comfort in each other! They’ve both been through similar things, so they understand each other’s pain way better than the others. I mean, Jason means well, but he’s never truly known what it’s like to be an outcast- he was held aloft on a golden shield and pronounced Preator. Neither of them would try to “fix” the other, and they wouldn’t try to “one up” the other either. They just share, and when the other says “that sucks”, they know that they really mean it. I imagine they sit five feet apart and just cry. No talking necessary, just silent understanding passing between them. They keep each other company, because they both know what it’s like to be alone.

4. They are both autistic (headcannon). Thank you to @aroaceleovaldez for opening my eyes to this one, and in fact making me realise a few things about myself and why I relate to Leo and Nico so much (pls go check out their posts on the subject, they do a much better job at explaining it than me). But it’s true. I don’t know if Rick did it intentionally or not, but I henceforth hath claimed them both as my kin, alongside Hephaestus himself (“I don’t understand organic life forms”- me neither, man, me neither). Leo and Nico communicate on the same wavelength, something Caleo doesn’t do. Calypso explodes at him for not fitting the “hero” stereotype, for being different. She has no patience with Leo when he does a social fuck-up, something I personally find incredibly frustrating. When he does something wrong, she just shouts at him, and doesn’t take the time to explain what he should do differently. No wonder Leo immediately got defensive! Here was this random woman yelling at him because he broke her table, and he didn’t understand what he did wrong.

5. They are both tiny- much like how Leo and Frank’s physical appearances symbolise their differences, Leo and Nico’s symbolise their similarities. Because all sad people are short, apparently. Valzhang is the yin and the yang, Valdangelo is just two yins excitedly info-dumping about their special interests, (Mythomagic, Machinery/Dragons). Their shortness could be metaphors for many things that they have in common, but I think it best symbolises their loss of childhoods. Nico has changed a lot since he was that happy little ten-year-old we first met in ttc, but Rick never lets us forget that he’s still just a kid. Leo always lacked the physical advantage in fights, so he’s had to learn from an early age to use his brains and his wits to defend himself. As a result, he grew up way too fast, but he still projects that silly, hyperactive little-boy energy as a way to mask. Calypso ridicules Leo for his height and his scrawny appearance.

6. Nico could let Leo get closure on his mom. Think about it. He’d be able to summon her, let him make peace, and let him realise that she does not blame him for her death. Nico could console Leo, reassure him that it wasn’t his fault, because Nico understands more than anybody what Leo is going through. This helps Leo on his arc way more than Calypso could, help him get closure, and learn to accept himself and his powers.

So, the summary of all these points is: They can understand each other on ANOTHER LEVEL. More than Cal and Leo ever could.

Like I said in my Valzhang post, it doesn’t have to be romantic. I hate that everything revolves around romance. Platonic relationships are important, y’all! We all need them, especially Leo, considering how insecure he feels about being the “seventh wheel”.

What ship should I do next? These are all the ones I actively ship, but anything’s better than Caleo. Liper could be fun, or Perleo. Maybe, to prove that literally anything is better than Caleo, I’ll do Leo x Octavian? Lmk in the comments.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Why is the answer always "Levi said this Levi did this" whenever one asks about the signs of Eruri in canon? Levi's side is pretty clear, but every time I talk to an Eruri and I ask "but why do you think Erwin loved Levi" the answer is very long but it's mostly empty and just "I am sure he did" or "but Levi loved him so Eruri is canon". Sorry this isn't a "hehehe your ship is one sided it's not canon" type of question. It's more of a writing-wise question, since you are a writer yourself I thought you'd give the best answer to this.

I am wondering, is this because of lack of Erwin's pov in aot manga or anime? I know Erwin is important and plays an important role and story revolves around him in s3 p2 and all that but when you look at the bigger picture he's mostly just there. He's in the story but you don't see his pov. We don't get to see the inside of his head until the end. Is this why "does Erwin love Levi" question is a hot topic in aot fandom always? Or are there any side stories like smartpass aus that suggest Erwin had feelings for Levi? I'm sorry I don't know those very well I only know the manga and the anime.

Lastly, I am sure you answered this before but my question is very specific, do you actually believe it was mutual? After all it's fiction and you don't need their love to be mutual to ship them. People ship characters who barely interact. It's what fandom is and that's totally normal and valid. I guess I am wondering if you ever doubted, th ship or even yourself which I do a lot (in a "oh I love this so much and I read so much fics I made myself believe" way) Thanks I hope this doesn't sound rude or offensive, my English isn't very good so if I sound rude that must be it it's not my intention :)

Ooof there’s  a lot of different questions here but I think they boil down to the following: 

Are Erwin and Levi’s feelings for each other mutual? / Does Erwin reciprocate Levi’s feelings?

Why do people question Erwin’s relationship to Levi? 

Do I personally believe their relationship was mutual, and have ever “doubted the ship”?

I’ve answered the first question many, many times over the years. You can read all my various answers here.  In short I do think that Erwin reciprocated Levi’s feelings and I think the evidence is there in the manga, the official guidebooks, the Smartpass stories, and the side content for anyone who cares to see it. I’m not going to list all the side content here, but there’s a very old post by @erbeansandravioli that links to a lot of it: Eruri receipts.

As to why people question Erwin’s relationship to Levi, well that’s an interesting one.  Some people clearly just don’t get Erwin’s character (see the previous ask I just answered), they don’t understand his role in the plot or the significance of his relationship to Levi.  For example I’ve seen people arguing passionately that Levi’s vow had nothing to do with Erwin, which is just mind boggling to me. It’s certainly true that Erwin is a much harder character to read than Levi who very much wears his heart on his sleeve.  Erwin is more reserved, and holds his cards closer to his chest.  However the fact that Levi is the only one who he reveals his true self to is significant. Daisuke Ono put it beautifully when he said in an interview that the amplitude of Erwin’s feelings is so great that it can be hard to see.  

It could also be that some, perhaps younger, readers just don’t recognise their relationship for what it is. It’s certainly not a typical shounen romance, but it is a deeply believable adult relationship; one that is based on mutual trust, respect and understanding. This is from a previous ask I answered on the subject:

It frustrates me enormously when people deny their canon relationship, despite Yams being at paints to explain it repeatedly in the guidebooks. I want to shake them and ask what the hell they think a relationship looks like when you’re an exhausted 30 + year old war veteran who has spent their entire life fighting for survival.  It looks like this; finding someone who you can trust with your life. If you were to ask me what characterizes a successful adult relationship I would say it’s exactly this; mutual trust, respect and understanding, and when push comes to shove, the willingness to do everything in your power to help the person you hold most dear, even if that means letting them go. 

And as to whether I’ve ever doubted the ship, the answer to that would be no, never.  Sure we’ve never seen them swear undying love in canon (though some would argue with that and point to Erwin’s "Arigatō Levi".) I wrote this in response to an ask about Eruri canonicity: 

Do you mean that you don’t believe they’re canon because we never see them kiss? Because they never marry?  Because the main focus of the story isn’t romance?  All those things are true, but in my opinion, they’re also not the only things that make a relationship canon.  Particularly when that relationship is between two war-weary 30 year old men who have been fighting for survival almost their entire lives. The irony is that, in some ways, Erwin and Levi’s relationship is actually quite conventional. They really do behave a bit like an old married couple.  They have a long standing relationship that has matured over many years, they have their own weird sense of humour, they’re not afraid to challenge each other, but they care about one another deeply, and they also trust each other unconditionally.  That’s all the canon evidence I need tbh.

Having said that, you are absolutely right that you don’t need any canon evidence to ship a couple.  Hell, I’ve had great fun written Hanji and Petra as a side ship and I don’t think they ever even interacted in canon.  In Erwin and Levi’s case though there is more than enough evidence in canon to attest to the significance of their relationship. 

Hope this answers your questions.

[outofmydepthatapublicbeach]

hiii idk if u have your requests open but could you write julien x reader based on lacy by olivia rodrigo?

like maybe julien is so jealous of reader but actually wants her (like enemies to lovers kinda thing)

jj chats: i am so sorry it took me a couple days to get to this!!! ive been very busy with school! i loved this request and i hope i did it justice!!! love you anon!! <33

warnings: RPF, use of y/n, reader is a musician/famous, reader cries

feedback is encouraged and i'd love to get some just please be kind!!!

Julien wouldn’t say she hated you, no she wouldn’t go that far. But when anyone would ask about you she’d scoff and change the subject right away. Anything to cover up the butterflies that flourished in her belly at the sound of your name.

“Aren't you the sweetest thing on this side of Hell?”

She would say your music was bland, in reality, she thought the lyrics were thought-provoking and better than anything she’d ever written. The public commented on how she didn’t follow you back on social media. She didn’t follow you because she didn't like that burning sensation she got in her heart when she saw your posts with your friends. She especially hated the photos of you and that girl, arms wrapped around each other, smiling at the camera like the happiest people alive.

“I linger all the time, watchin', hidden in plain sight”

You were close with Lucy, you two being long-time friends, which meant that Julien had to endure your presence. At get-togethers she sits away from you, observing your interactions with her friends. She’d feel a burn when you laughed at their jokes.

“I see you everywhere, the sweetest torture one could bear”

Eventually, the two of you would have to talk to one another. When left alone in a room one time, you walked up to her, smiling wide. It was a smile Julien had seen plastered on magazine covers, a smile people fawned over. Julien completely understood why, even when she didn't want to.

“I hear you and Lucy are close, I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself before, I’m (Y/N).”

Julien looked at you in awe. How was it, not a hair was out of place? That your outfit wasn’t covered in wrinkles or dog hair? How was it fair someone could look so gorgeous, be so perfect? Julien plastered a fake smile on her face, not reaching a hand out to shake as she knew hers were very clammy due to her nerves, “I’m Julien.” Her tone was bored like she couldn't wait to get away from you.

“I feel your compliments like bullets on skin”

Julien was excited to hear that Lucy planned a dinner to celebrate their Grammy wins, she thought that maybe it would be nice to be the one being celebrated. Until she heard your name mentioned. She knew the night would be difficult, she still couldn’t figure you out, couldn’t understand you. 

At dinner that night, everyone gave a toast to the boys. Compliments were spewed every which way. When you stood to speak, you locked eyes with Julien, giving her your award-winning smile. 

You began to congratulate the boys, your speech was lengthy as you talked a bit about Lucy and Phoebe. All Julien could focus on was your lips and then the words directed towards her, “I haven’t known Julien long but I can tell she is a dedicated musician, an amazing friend, and is very very pretty.” Your words dug daggers into her skin, but it was a pain she loved.

“I care, I care, I care, like ribbons in your hair, my stomach's all in knots”

After the main course at dinner, you had excused yourself, a phone call was what you said. You ran out of the restaurant, dealing with whatever call you got alone. Julien hesitated a few minutes but ultimately excused herself as well after you did not return right away. She felt an overwhelming desire to make sure you were okay. It scared the hell out of her. Your friends gave each other knowing looks.

You made it outside, and looked around, spotting you on a bench, head in your hands. She cautiously approached you, her stomach tied. Once she was close she asked, “Are you okay?” 

You looked up, startled, and as if by instinct you smiled at Julien, using the backs of your hands to wipe off your tears. “Yeah-” your voice broke, “yeah Julien I’m alright! Thanks for-” another break, “for checking on me.” 

You weren’t fine, and Julien knew. She walked towards you, then sat next to you. You faced her, trying to keep your composure before the dam blew and you started to sob. To Julien’s surprise, you immediately reached out, grabbing her jacket and crying into her shoulder. 

“People are people, but it's like you're made of angel dust”

She tried to get away but instead found herself wrapping her arms around you carefully. Scared of your fragile state, scared in a moment you'd be gone and out of her reach, scared she’d hold you too tight and crush you into dust.

“Lacy, oh, Lacy, I just loathe you lately”

The moment passed, and Julien bore witness to you regaining your composure at a rapid speed. In the seconds you went from sobbing to smiling, ready to rejoin your friends she wanted you to cry again, if anything just to hold you for a little bit longer. In that moment she abhorred you. How could you go from a mess to perfect? Why couldn’t you stay sad like the rest of us for a minute more? Why couldn’t she be like you? 

“And I despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you”

Julien stayed behind and watched as you walked back towards the restaurant, but before you reached the doors, an elderly couple was also approaching. Julien gazed as you jogged to get to the door before they reached it, and then you opened the door for them, smiling as they walked in. Julien felt her heart swell, and that's when she knew she was in for it.

“I despise my rotten mind and how much it worships you”

 You turned to Julien, waving her to follow you. In an instant Julien was up. Her legs worked double time to catch up to you as you held the door open for the both of you, you reached your hand out, waiting for her. 

As Julien made it to the door you grabbed her wrist, she twisted her head in order to face you properly. “Thank you for sitting with me Julien, I really appreciated it,” you smiled, squeezing her arm. You pulled her inside the heated restaurant, “let’s get back to our friends, they must have thought we’d run off together.”

You laughed. Julien laughed. 

Julien followed you back to the table, sitting back down in her seat. She soon realized what she just did and scolded herself for listening to you so obediently. She was so confused at all the feeling coursing through her, so angry at herself for letting her fall so hard and so fast. Her nails dug into the palms of her hands until she looked up and locked eyes with you. You smiled at her as you always did, and when her fingers loosened and her heartbeat boomed she realized that maybe jealousy wasn’t quite what she was feeling anymore. This feeling happened to start with the infamous letter L.

[fumifooms]

Hey what're your thoughts on how marcille and chilchuck show affection for marchil?

I mean, marcille seems to be the type to be the most blatantly affectionate of the two, but I want to know your headcanons and observations on the subject. How do they communicate their wants for affection, and what do they view as signs of affection (ex: hugs, small gifts, ect.) and such?

Sorry it took me this long to answer!! Thank you sm for sending a marchil ask my way I swear I love them sm, they spark joy and even if I have uhh -checks- 67 drafts already I love dropping everything for them when the mood comes hehehe. I love talking about love languages actually! Little did you know that the first post I made on this blog was about analyzing the love languages of an ot3 lmao. The only reason why this is so late overdue is because as always I’m going to talk so much about it. The pics I put in it are relevant but I don’t put them right beside where I make my point, so stick with me even if they’re a bit jarring at first, they’re just meant to show aspects of them~.

Marcille and Chilchuck’s love languages

+ their domestic romantic dynamic. I’ll say, I ended up talking even more than I expected, and though it is in a marchil context I think my analysis of the characters is relevant even if their partner was anyone else, so non-marchil shippers might also enjoy this post! Give it a shot maybe~

To open it up, I think this post is very relevant. Marchil is def a ship where the ways in which they say they love each other feel more subtle, for Chilchuck at least.

Their perspective, boundaries and overlap

I think Chilchuck and Marcille recognize the other’s way of showing affection well, though it’s very obvious that Marcille and Chilchuck’s ways are super different. Marcille is very open and loud and Chilchuck… Isn’t. Chilchuck is reserved while Marcille loves to get all the affection she can get. Marcille could be seen as too much while Chilchuck would be too little. One could even say they aren’t compatible, but I think that’d be a mistake.

Yes Marcille loves big grand gestures and a lot of open communication, but her thing is analyzing people as they are, like how when she imagines how it’d have been like as his wife she put in details like how he’d be annoyed at having to wait for her to get ready and didn’t idealize that part of their relationship. She’s very good at putting herself in others’ shoes, at understanding why they might feel this or that way. She typically doesn’t seem put off when Chil is snappy or discouraging at her, like when she shows him the ball of Izutsumi’s hair that she shaped into a cat lol. (The panel at the start of this section was when she was disappointed in him for cheating on his wife, so her good esteem for him was gone). She has a high esteem of Chilchuck’s intentions and has good faith in him overall, so instead of going "He’s annoyed at waiting on me… Am I annoying to him? Does he dislike me?" or "He didn’t notice I got upset when we were out drinking with his colleagues. Does he even love me anymore? Would he care if I left him?" she goes "Oh that’s just how he is, I know if there’s an actual issue he’ll tell me, and he still has my best interests at heart.". Who knows if she’d always be able to rationalize and keep that optimistic attitude up long term, but it gives me a good impression that she would! Or that at least she’d communicate about it if she felt their relationship had a problem. She loves to confront people about that sort of thing! She can be more insecure and meek when the topic is sensitive to her like her being a half-elf, but when it comes to relationships like that, I believe she’d stand up for herself if it came down to it. The way she said that his wife might have left to "test his love" and see if he’d chase after her is a bit worrying to me, but ultimately I think that was her dramatic novels fan self talking and not something that she’d do herself. If she did leave, she would sooo leave a super long dramatic letter about how she felt and the situation and he’d reply and they’d make up I think. ANYWAYS!

Of course everyone needs to be shown some affection once in a while regardless of if she knows well how he is or not, and Marcille would be very unashamed about asking that of him. She’d respect his boundaries with public displays of affection as much as he’d demand it, but she’d be her usual overt self with stealing kisses or making him say I love you regularly. 0 PDA would be rough on her if Chilchuck wanted it that far, but she’d do it, she’d be able to twist it into something endearing too, like her being like "No one else gets to see him this way but me, I have this sweet side of him all to myself" and "He’s just reserved like that, it makes the time when he does show it all the more meaningful", them cuddling a ton as soon as they get home and Marcille feels touch starved, etc etc. So what I’m getting at with all this is: Marcille’s love languages are very self-evident and hard to miss so unless Marcille suddenly acts mopey and doesn’t tell him why, and unless Chilchuck has some anxiety (what with his ex wife just up and leaving without him having been able to see the warning signs), he would feel very confident in her love for him and comfortable in the relationship, if not a little tired or frustrated with some aspects of it if she sometimes does too much.

Meanwhile, like mentioned, even if Chilchuck’s love languages are more subtle, more rooted in casual domesticity rather than big gestures or words, Marcille would see and recognize that and not hold it against him or feel burdened by it. She highly values communication —in a way they both do, even if when it’s about feelings Chilchuck becomes a bit of an ostrich hiding his head underground— so if there’s a problem she’ll for sure confront him about it too. Chilchuck is good at voicing when there are practical problems or when he’s uncomfortable, and Marcille is good at voicing when there are emotional problems, so they’re pretty complementary in that way.

Surprisingly I think if she ever did a marriage proposal it’d be very private though, it’d be a big deal to her and she would want to talk about it in the comfort of their lonesome, already thinking through the grief and how everything would work. I think Chikchuck would also prefer a private proposal, but on the other end I could totally see him thinking she’d love this grand fancy gesture of a big public proposal and organize one for her (Ooh good fic prompt right there). Once they’ve talked it through though they’re both very enthusiastic about it and openly talk about it with friends and coworkers, and Marcille gushes about her fiancé and they both have bachelor parties on their own end and whatnot. The big day would be a fun one, and the daughters would be the perfect wingwomen I believe~

Their love languages

Alright now that the groundwork is done let’s do this thing! Ok so the "official" love languages are words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts (giving and receiving), quality time and acts of service.

Marcille

Starting with Marcille, she’s pretty balanced I’d say! In the sense that she cranks them all to the max. Oh yes, and part of it is that she’s very aware that the time they have together is counted, so she wants to make the most out of every moment.

Idk if it’s fair to say that Marcille has something like separation anxiety, what with her getting mad at Falin when she left and they didn’t see each other for 4 years, and with during canon with Falin and such, because they’re all intense situations that don’t necessarily show how clingy(or not) she would be under normal circumstances (and she doesn’t live with them so she’s def ok with distance to some degree), but also I def think it’s fair to say that due to her experiences with loss she’s scared of taking her eye off of someone she loves for one moment and for them to disappear, also like how we see her talk to Izutsumi when she thinks she’s going to prison. All that to say that yes, quality time!! She adores quality time, she’s the kind to soak up in someone’s presence even if they’re doing completely different things in the same room. She loves talking with him, cooking with him, bathing with him, even just chilling on the couch together. Post-canon they’d both be rather busy I imagine, so it only makes those moments they share more important. They’re trying out the long distance thing and making it work with the power of communicating well 🙏 Again, she’s big on acts of service, would resurrect you, would bathe you, would nurse you back to health or do something for you. Since she’s observant I could see her noticing subtle things in Chilchuck’s routine that she could help with, like getting his mug of coffee for him each morning, etc. I feel like those things are so natural to her that she wouldn’t mention them to Chilchuck or talk about how she does these things, so if she’s doing too much Chilchuck has to tell her because she won’t realize otherwise.

Gifts. We see with how she showers Chil in apology gifts intended to be from him to his family that she does value gifts! Giving wise, I think she’d be the type to be out shopping, see something that reminds of you then get it for you casually. It’s probably resulted in a few joke gifts that did not land lol, like idk modern AU a grumpy cat mug, or socks with "If you can read this bring me a beer" written underneath them. She’ll also put her heart and soul into gifts sometimes, especially for birthdays which mark the passage of time for her and even if a year passes by a little fast she makes it a point to always always go all out about it, she wants to show that he matters to her and thinks of him a lot, so she’ll put all of herself into picking out an heartfelt gift. She can get a little stressed and perfectionist over it but she does genuinely enjoy picking out gifts and giving them. Receiving wise, she’s also super big on it! She’s the kind to instantly value gifts more than other, maybe better suited options she has, like if you give her an ugly hair accessory or a mug she’ll 100% use them all the time from then on… Until she passes onto something new and the item gets sidelined a bit, but then when she’ll find it again years from then on she’ll be struck by memories and emotions and how much it all meant to her. I could see Chil getting her choker necklaces like she often wears for example, or books he can’t begin to understand about magic theory. It’s not as much of a ‘love language’ as the other ones I think, but she does really appreciate them, and if Chil makes an effort to get her flower bouquets somewhat regularly it would for sure make her feel really loved and happy. Oh yes! Also I def think that if she took up sewing or (personal hc) she’d love felting bc of when she did a tiny Izutsumi with her hair, she’d love making handmade gifts! She’d weave him a bracelet. She’d write him letters and put a nice scented oil on them.

Physical touch ohhh she’s big on touch. Even platonically we see that she’s very casual with her touches and does it a ton to most people (mostly Falin, Izutsumi and Chilchuck, but with her being a healer it also happens with Laios etc) and likes to cuddle or hang onto others, in daydream hour artworks, when sleeping with Izutsumi in an extra, etc etc. Even if she had a romantic partner I think she’d keep doing that with her friends and maybe even favoring Falin when she’s there for platonic touch, but I also def think that she’d be super touchy feely with her partner both in public and in private. As long as it doesn’t interfere with what Chil’s doing and he can remain cool and collected™️ he wouldn’t mind I think, so they’d be holding hands often and like, if he were to sit down on a couch with a beer she’d just drape herself over him and they’d chill out there (until they talk and she makes him laugh too hard and he spits his beer out all over them rip), not unlike how Izutsumi would. But YES physical touch is def a big love language for her, wether they’re arguing or just sharing a soft moment together, if he put his hand to her cheek gently she would melt into his touch. And she loves doting on others herself and touching them and feeling like they’re real and warm and alive, so yes yes touch is a big thing to her. Words of affirmation aren’t a big deal to her to give out, because it’s so natural to her, but they would mean a lot to her to receive. She can get insecure and feel lonely/alone, and having someone be supportive and tell her that she is valued like in the mandrake chapter lifts a lot of weight off of her shoulders, and I imagine that’s doubly meaningful when the words are each and all true and earned when they come from Chil. Whenever he says "I love you" unprompted it’s like an arrow to the heart. Again, if he made the effort to be romantic and like idk, tell her poetic things like it’s a love letter she would absolutely melt. "My boyfriend is the best, most romantic most loving most virtuous man" @ everyone in hearing distance etc etc. She wants to keep his words all to herself and be a little greedy but just maybe while kicking her feet she’d go "and then he said blablabla~" with friends and coworkers at the palace (who may or may nit be willing listeners lol).

So because of all of this, of how she values all of them, I think she’d cherish whichever love language her partner does the least! She likes variety, and like we’ve talked a bit she adapts herself to whoever she’s with a bit. She’s personally a big cuddler, but she’d value whenever Chilchuck says that he loves her etc more in the end because she knows how much that means for him and how many feelings were put into that gesture for her.

She wants the full range of affection, everything that someone is ready to offer. She wants the full storybook romance experience babyy, if it’s a crumb of love she’ll take it and gobble it up whichever form it takes. They all mean something to her in different ways.

Chilchuck

Chilchuck is more picky. He knows what he likes and what he doesn’t like, and he doesn’t like to compromise much (though learning to do so is part of his arc in canon). His favorites are acts of service and words of affirmation, and physical touch selectively, imo.

First of all, Chilchuck is a more private person by nature, but I think it’s also worth pointing out that he has some stress over how things ended with his wife, so someone growing on him and him getting to trust them etc also just takes slower. Wether you think Chilchuck will largely be open and comfortable once the confession’s done and they’re dating, or if him opening up and growing used to being loving and loved again is more gradual even throughout their romantic relationship, his love languages will differ depending on what "stage" he is at. For example, I think he’d actually love receiving words of affirmation, they’re just not his highest priority and he needs to highly value them and trust them first, trust that they’re not lies or that you don’t have shit judgement. For the rest of this though I’ll assume they’ve been dating for a good while and have grown used to it and are very familiar with each other. Like Marcille maybe his insecurities creep up on him sometimes, but with the power of communication and support those moments tend to be short lived 💪 She keeps him from using alcohol as a bad coping mechanism & distraction too much.

Ok so starting out with quality time… I’ll get it out of the way but yes I think they’d be sexually active, though with how they work away from each other like with his wife and he spent 4 years holding out fr her his libido isn’t as intense as we’d asssume I think, and for elves "often" might be like once a month, so who knows. This is gonna come back in the physical touch section~ But yes Chilchuck spent a lot of time away from his family, so I think if he values quality time he super values the quality more than the quantity of time spent together. That said, I also headcanon that he gets stuck in his head a bunch about it so as long as he thinks about his family to motivate him on the job for example, he also half-asses the time he spends home and he’s generally too tired to go out and do big things, just wanna relax, so idk!! He might be a bit of a neglectful lover and Marcille needs to poke him so they go out on dates, but yes I think in a similar way to Marcille he really appreciates the time just spent together, even if it’s working on their own thing in the same room. As for conversations or emotionally meaningful moments, I think emotional stuff tires him out quickly, unlike with Marcille where she seeks emotional stimulation from books, so spending time being heartfelt and vulnerable together would be appreciated, but would need to be kinda rare for him to not be exhausted dead lying on the pavement and unable to keep up. Feeling gets him tired too, he never knows wether to repress or let the love grow or how to word what he’s feeling etc etc. At least at first, dates that are activities and allows him to just have fun without thinking much are best. It’ll take him time to grow more used to feeling emotionally naked with her and for it to come more easily and naturally, but they’ll get there and they’ll be sooo domestic. So in the end! Quality time is appreciated but not particularly important, Chilchuck can really keeps the love going even when spending a loooong time away from each other or keeping the moments spent together casual. Oh yes I haven’t gone into that in any of my posts so far I think, but part of why he’s so casual and seemingly dismissive with his wife imo is because the relationship was sooo based on familiarity, respect and trust to him, they’ve been together forever, he trusted that they loved each other and were in this together and that he didn’t have to be extra for her to feel comfortable in the relationship because he trusted that she knew him well enough, trusted that she would stay with him even if their relationship wasn’t perfect, etc etc. So imo as long as he’s like "I love her and that’s enough for me, I trust that if there’s something up she’ll tell me and we can figure it out, I trust in our relationship to stay strong even if we don’t see each other much" then he can seem very casual and neglectful from an outside perspective. But make no mistake he thinks about her all the time and sighs forlornly because he wants to sleep in her arms after a hard day of work and has horny dreams of her 10/10 she matters a lot to him.

Acts of service!!! Biiig big one, there’s little more that Chilchuck values receiving than respect, though he’s much more stingy about giving it out, what with his teasing and insulting snappy remarks and how he’s always laughing at Marcille in canon. But yes like mentioned just before, Chilchuck likes familiarity in a relationship, so his partner anticipating his needs and going out of their way to do services for him would be suuper appreciated and would make him feel loved, would make him feel understood which in turn makes him feel safe that he doesn’t have to try and be someone he’s not to satisfy her and that she understands him well enough that she wouldn’t leave him due to miscommunication. Doing big favors would also be appreciated, but he prefers to live a routinely daily life imo so the acts of service would show themselves in small ways, like idk letting the water run in the bath because he knows Marcille will want to take a relaxing bath when she comes home from work. It’s definitely the love language that he does/give out the most imo, they’re the way he’s most comfortable showing that he cares and that he thinks of them and that he loves them, and he can feel safe doing them in any context wether he has all the eyes in the world on him or if they’re alone. He’s also generally protective, and looking out for her would fit into this category imo. But yes post-canon, I think one way in which this shows is that he’d do her hairdos, maybe even daily if possible. He loves blonde hair and he’s agile with his fingers, but he doesn’t value complicated hairdos much, but he’d learn a lot of hairdos for her, because he loves her and knows how it was once super important to her, and also bc he wants her to slay out there and at the same time he’s doing himself a favor by prettying it up hehe. He had a thing for undone long hair but he loves Marcille and when in the final chapters her hair was all messy the unfamiliar sight of it unsettled him, so besides just wanting her to get through the day without eating her hair and getting the urge to shave it all off, he also just does it because it feels so her and he remembers that side of her fondly (yes, even if that used to make her take even longer to get ready in the mornings).

Might surprise you might not but I think gifts are everything to him. Like the cowl from his daughter that he always wears, and all the mementos from his family we see he keeps in his room, like the dragon plush and the flower. Maybe they help him feel that the love people hold for him is real and exists/has existed at least at one point, maybe it’s about the memories, maybe it’s about being able to keep hanging onto them even after a relationship is over, idk!!!! But I think having gifts from his loved ones makes him feel like his life is fuller and warmer and like he always has some love surrounding him. For that reason he would super value gifts that Marcille would get for him. She overdoes it a bit and often gets him stuff for no particular occasions, mostly stuff that’s useful and that gets consumed so it’s not a problem or a bother though, but when it sticks it sticks, like a durable pair of gloves in a style he likes that she got for him. I don’t think photographs exist (at least not for the non-dwarves) but if they did oooh he’d be keeping stacks of them, would have some framed, he wouldn’t want people to know because he thinks he’d look corny but he wouuuuuld. He’d also have the "this reminds me of Marcille" moments when out into town, looking at jewelry or food that she likes (I imagine this is often the sort of gift/act of service he’d get for her, meals that he picked out because she loves them), but he’d also have the instinct to get her a gift on special occasions, and he’s s bit clumsy with it but he wants to make the item meaningful. He knows what she thinks is romantic, the woman has made plans for him to apologize to his wife with gifts after all, but he also knows that she loves gifts that scream "him" too so the man just doesn’t know what to do to make it as best as he could and he really doesn’t want to fuck it up. I think once he’d made a little metal sculpture-puzzle for her, like a little rabbit out of metal scraps, and he’d be so self-conscious about it but my god she’d adore it sooo much. It’d be cute if he got her a locket, even, and then with the help of imported dwarven technology they could get a picture of them or even all their friends into it and it becomes her most precious item for the following centuries. Ouuugh that’d make a sweet fic where he plans out a birthday party for her…… But yes yes, practical gifts… He knows she values ornamental useless things, unlike him, and though he doesn’t fully approve he also wants to do right by her so he’d go out of his comfort zone and find pretty gifts for her. I touch upon it a bit in my fic Grind Me Down Sweetly (named bc ground coffee beans & it’s meant to be like her slowly getting through the walls he built around himself :] Finding a newfound vulnerability with someone new but finding it soothing, sweet even if a lil bitter bc it’s coffee), and for example he gives her money for a favor she did for him as a friend. She doesn’t want to accept it, because to her doing something for her friend to help them out is more meaningful than getting rewarded for it, but for him respecting each other’s time and abilities is a big thing too. They end up compromising somewhat, because she then spends that money on gifts for him/them to share, so it ends up being a gift to the both of them for a shared effort~

Alrighty physical touch. In canon we see him get touched quite a lot, and when it isn’t patronizing or crowding (like others going to pet his head) he doesn’t seem to mind at all. But it’s a question of wether he’d enjoy it here. We don’t really saw that I think? He often doesn’t mind touching others but usually his touches have a practical purpose like pushing or pulling someone out of danger, and when it isn’t he doesn’t seem to enjoy it, like when Izutsumi sleeps in his bed. As far as I remember the only time we see him happy for touch beyond the few meaningful hugs like when he wanted the party to head back to the surface, was when his succubi were seducing him, sooo overall I get the feeling he’s not big on touch. Like being open with his feelings it’s something he’d keep for the more occasional time rather than something he does often. He is casual with touches but doesn’t give it out and seek it out naturally, so Marcille being very clingy’s not a problem, and as we see with Izutsumi always sleeping with him he’s ready to sacrifice his comfort for others too sometimes. I think being Marcille’s lover though I feel like he’d warm up to touches more, like she’d love to have him rest his head on her lap and to massage his scalp so eventually Chil looks forward to that as part of their routine and it relaxes him and feels right. I think he does like kissing, the routine goodbye peck feels warm and soothing, but with touch what he’d like the most would be making out and having sex and whatnot. Listen it’s super meaningful to him like, the peak of being vulnerable and naked and pouring out his emotions for someone for him. But yes she hangs onto his arm, holds his hand, goes to hug him from behind when he’s cooking, etc etc, and he doesn’t dislike it, but it’s not one of his love languages perse in that sense. It’s more that physical touches are a part of her, so he associates those with her, and so in a way he quite likes them, but it’s nit something he gravitates towards.

Words! I forget what I’ve mentioned already and what I haven’t oof, but yes Chilchuck values respect a lot, and with his last relationship he now values straightforward communication a lot. "If you want to leave me, at least please tell me first" style. But just with the way he is in canon too, where he hypes up his professional skills a lot, getting earned praised does mean something to him. Inversely, he devalues himself interpersonally quite a bit, calling himself a coward or selfish etc etc, and ultimately it’s Marcille telling him that he was a virtuous husband and that he may still have a shot with his wife that makes him see the glass half full and reflect on himself more positively! Remember what I said about Chilchuck first needing to value someone’s opinion before putting stock in their words? This is the canon moment that makes me feel the most like she earned that trust from him, he values what she says and her perspective. He knows her words aren’t empty and he’s able to trust in them more than he trusts his own judgement about himself. So yes yes, he loves getting told that he has qualities, that he’s skilled and manly and handsome and virtuous and kind, though he doesn’t need to be told "I love you" he’d still find it nice ofc. I say this because as I’ve said I think his way of being in a longterm relationship is soaking in the familiar casual soothing energy of it, he loves knowing her and noticing the little things (much like her with how she notices that he hates having to wait on someone for example), and he trusts her love in him, so he doesn’t feel like being told I love you is necessary, but it is a nice bonus.

And this is the bit where the post I linked at the beginning becomes especially relevant. I think Chilchuck shows his affection in subtle but thoughtful ways that showcase just how much they know each other, because to him love languages are less about proving how much love one holds for another but about defining the bond that they share, about quality more than quantity. He’s not one for big gestures, he just wants to feel connected with the person he’s with. Access intimacy, in-jokes, being protective/attack dogism, knowing the little details (Marcille’s favorite) and voluntary vulnerability… These truly ARE more in line with how Chilchuck shows his affection. And thus Marcille would see them for what they are and greatly value them as well.

Last points

… Help I forgot to talk about how teasing is like their whole thing lol

Ok so more concisely, Marcille will receive and give as much affection as she’s allowed, while Chilchuck needs to have the right setting right mood for it and makes more efforts for her sake to outwardly show it.

Edited in: Short section about pet names!! Chilchuck likes to call people by name and finds that in itself to be intimate but with half-foot names having ‘first names’ where Chilchuck’s is Chil, he might instinctively shorten it to Marci. Otherwise I’ve thought it’d fun if he gave bunny themed pet names teasingly, like his silly rabbit like the meme or harebrain rip, ‘bun’ would have the benefit of being related to food… But also I could see him defaulting to calling her ‘love’, ESPECIALLY if they had a conversation about pet names and discussed it- it could be a more sustainable way for her to feel loved since he’s not regularly showing his affection outwardly much or saying "I love you", that’d be sooo sweet I think. They discussed pet names, and since he doesn’t regularly say "I love you" or show affection all that much, having him call her love as a pet name eases all of that and makes her feel so special and loved. He takes a bit of time to get used to it and not feel silly and self-conscious, but nowadays it slips off the tongue so easily.

How do they communicate their wants for affection: Marcille will blatantly ask for it and/or make the first move herself, except for when she senses that Chil is tired and needs his space. Chilchuck will blink in morse code, and Marcille will somehow understand (to his upmost relief and adoration). He’ll grab her sleeve subtly to ask for her attention and touch, wordlessly walk up to her and reach for her face to leave a tender kiss on her lips, quietly speak to her if he wants to tell her something. And, you know, the other half of the time he feels horny and on top of the world so he indulges her wants for big passionate gestures and being very blunt and forward about it.

What do they view as signs of affection: They recognize each other’s way of showing affection well enough, but it’d be more about which signs they prefer I’d say. For example, Chilchuck does love getting smothered by her kisses and affection sometimes, but if it’s in public 99% of the time the embarrassment will win over, so it ends up meaning more to him that she doesn’t, that she holds back for his sake and she loves him enough to do that and she doesn’t blame him for it and she cares and she would stay with him even if he’s maybe flawed and- It means a lot!!! It’s like an act of service in that way. They compromise and do acts of service sooo much for each other, like she hurries in her care routine so he doesn’t have to wait on her for long, but then he sees her get out ready with her hair a mess and he takes the time to tie it up nicely for her. But yes Marcille overanalyzes everything and will seek out signs of affection into literally anything, but values whichever way to show affection she knows is hardest to do for Chil beyond the ones that feel so heartwarming because they just scream "Chil" to her. Meanwhile Chilchuck values her keeping in mind his boundaries, values her words and her being there for him, an unchanging fixture in his life offering him unconditional love through thick and thin. He values how well they know and understand each other, and how they communicate when things don’t feel as easy. Like, you know, when one of them becomes a dungeon lord and threatens humanity for example.

The compromises that being in a romantic relationship inevitably brings, and having to put some efforts to understand the other person and better the relationship, are points at the heart of Chilchuck’s plot with his wife imo. With the bicorn chapter, Marcille and Chilchuck have already hashed out a lot of their differences and come to a deeper understanding, so I’d say they’re halfway there to making it work :) Oohh what if I gave you hope in the world sometimes being a good bright p’ace where things can go right and love can be fulfilling and rewarding, and what if you gave me a concrete real example of the virtuous man figure that I’ve always idealized in books even if no one real can be as flawless, and the compromise both our outlooks on lives mixed to make made something beautiful and productive…

A bit like how the sweet & salty sandwich feels like an ill-fitting mix of ingredients but still tastes surprisingly good… Like perhaps a sweet woman and a sour man would go well together after all.

I’ll share this lil marchil song analysis @thatsmimi did once of Soap by The Oh Hellos to be the note I leave this post on~

[nikethestatue]

this fandom might actually be the worst one I’ve seen!! I flip through a bunch of diff ship accounts bc listen, ship whoever you want, personally I am partial to elucien but I can admit there’s a lot of evidence for other ships as well. I like seeing all art for ALL the ships!! But then today I see a post about how we need Gwyn’s book because she is a victim of SA and it would be great to read a book about her healing journey.

Idk maybe it’s just me but I get annoyed when someone is always reduced down to their SA so I pointed out that Rhys & Lucien also had SA trauma and there has been no healing journey for them?? How are we going to fill an entire book for Gwyn?? Like, Sarah doesn’t seem to delve too much into healing journeys from SA (in ACOTAR at least 🤷🏻‍♀️ idk about other series) and tends to use it as a plot point to create a traumatic background character. It’s something that greatly annoys me tbh

And then I got yelled at?? And told to read the books again?? Like yes, I am a new reader, and yes it was a Gwyn Stan account (didn’t know that at the time, I literally just replied for the first time from a post I saw on my for you feed) - but nothing I said was anti-Gwyn (how could it be- she’s one of my favs too???) ?? I vaguely know there’s whatever ship war going on but I didn’t even comment on a ship post and I didn’t mention any other names/ships so I was genuinely confused about why I got yelled at on a post that only mentioned Gwyn.

All I said was I doubt Sarah is going to write an entire book about Gwyn’s healing journey ? It wasn’t even ship related so why did I get so much hate?? no wonder this fandom is filled with such toxicity, nobody new is allowed to join even casually unless they earn their masters degree of 16000 pages of analysis (apparently reading the books isnt enough?) and so it’s just filled with the same bitter people since whenever these books came out

Maybe bc I acknowledged I didn’t see her as a main character - because she’s not? She’s very much a side character but who cares? She’s still a favorite of mine? Two things can be possible at once, people!!!

Anyways, tldr I got a slap on the wrist and told I don’t know SJM if I think Gwyn is a side character and I’m just like ok I didn’t say she couldn’t be one later but based on the one book she is in… she is a side character?

I hate this mf fandom I should’ve stayed out of it. What did I even do?? I even apologized if anything I said about Rhys or Lucien was untrue?? And now I’m just annoyed because I should still be able to debate theories about my favorite books with people even if I don’t spend 24/7 reading PowerPoints on ship wars??

They got mad because you were right. That's it.

SJM doesn't write post-SA healing journeys. Again, you were right.

We've had male and female characters who were SAed, in TOG, Lysandra and Fenrys come to mind, in ACOTAR it's Rhys and Lucien and Gwyn, in CC it was Lidia (similar situation as Rhys/Lucien).

These aren't books for deep exploration of post-SA healing. I am sorry. This is an incredibly tough subject, without a singular answer. SO anything she'd do, wouldn't be taken well. Some will say 'too quick!' others will say 'not quick enough!' and everyone will have an opinion. The only reason Nesta got an extended healing (and not from SA) was because SJM used the same methods she used for her own issues. Working out, meditation, being with friends, balancing the physical and the mental, relying on her SO. Beyond that, all of SJMs 'healing' is training and being in love. Or nothing at all.

Gwynriels cant accept the fact that Gwyn is a secondary character. She is not more important than Emerie, or Mor, or anyone else, who's had terrible trauma. Her main was Nesta. Nesta's healed and Gwyn is secondary to Nesta. Gwyn's healing journey is over. She because stronger mentally and physically, she trained, she reached and conquered her 'mountain'. and that is all she needed to do.

They dont want to understand and accept that no one is interested in an 800 page of Gwyn's post-SA healing journey. Even they aren't. That's the truth. They want her with Azriel. Getting it on, having sex, being mated. They don't want to read any 'healing journey'. They want her going on missions, swinging her sword, being a badass, being with Azriel, having Gwynriel sex and having a normal fantasy heroine book. it's all performative. They just want Gwynriel. Is all.

[danielfuckingricciardo]

16 + Charles and 26 + Pierre please ❤️

Hi!

Sorry this took so long, I’ve been in such a writing slump lately and this has sat unfinished in my drafts for weeks! But I finally did it and I hope you like it!

The Charles one is also in progress, I’ll make sure to tag you in that one when I post it :)

Song 26 - Creep//Radiohead

Pairing - Pierre Gasly x Reader

Word Count - 3.8k

Content Warnings - swearing, discussion of mental health issues

When you were here before Couldn't look you in the eye You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world I wish I was special You're so fuckin' special

Your therapist called it impostor syndrome. She mentioned it a lot during your weekly online meetings, and you usually laughed it off with some cringy internet joke about being ‘sus’ and tried to change the subject as quickly as possible. You’d receive a concerned glance, as you always did when you apparently ‘used humour as a coping mechanism’, but she would eventually move on to another topic, usually something about taking care of yourself physically as well as mentally.

Taking care of yourself physically was never a problem. You had nutritionists and personal trainers, physiotherapists and masseuses available whenever and wherever. The team made sure of that. To Alpha Tauri F1 team, your physical health was their top priority. Your mental health? Not so much. It was easy to lie to them and say that everything was fine, so that’s exactly what you did. You didn’t want to risk losing your seat because you told the truth about how you actually felt inside, so instead you saved that for the therapist you hired for yourself, and every Wednesday at 2pm you unloaded a week’s worth of thoughts and feelings you couldn’t share with anyone else.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, (y/n), we all feel like we don’t belong to some degree. And the bigger you make it in this world, the stronger those feelings will be.” She says, and you scoff.

“I’m not sure about that. The rest of the guys on the grid all seem so confident in themselves, and it’s definitely not a facade. They believe that they are the best of the best. I wish I could feel the same.” You say, and your therapist gives you a small smile before scribbling something in her notepad.

“You can’t know that for sure. Everyone experiences self doubt at some point in their lives, but they beat it, they get through it. Look at you, (y/n), against all odds you made it to where you are now, and you can’t tell me that the powers that be would have you there if they didn’t believe in you. You just need to learn how to believe in yourself as much as they do, and as much as your fans do.” She says, and you nod.

You know she’s right, but you wish that she wasn’t. You wish that your feelings would be vindicated so that you didn’t feel like such much of an idiot for having them.

“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about today?” She asks, and you open your mouth to ask a question, but are immediately interrupted as your phone begins to ring.

You look over at the screen and check the name - Pierre. What the fuck does he want? He never calls you, hell, he hardly ever talks to you unless he’s obligated to. This was definitely weird, something was definitely wrong.

“Sorry, I’ve gotta take this. Work stuff.” You say, and your therapist nods.

“Okay, let’s end the session early this week. Please do text me if you have any concerns you’d like to discuss.” She says, before ending the call and sending your computer screen back to her website.

You take a deep breath in and out before pressing the green icon on your phone screen.

“Hi?” You say, to no reply.

“Hello?” You repeat, and you receive no reply once again.

After a few moments of nothing but shuffling and breathing on the end of the line, you hear a quiet voice in the distance and strain your ears to hear. It’s clear Pierre didn’t mean to call you, it was probably a butt dial or some other similar fuck up, but you couldn’t help but want to listen in to whatever conversation he was having.

It was probably wrong, a total invasion of privacy, but your curiosity got the better of you, and you turn your phone’s volume to maximum.

“The fact of the matter is that Pierre feels as though he isn’t getting anywhere with Alpha Tauri, and therefore, as a team, we have made the decision to make the move to Alpine for the 2023 season.” You hear a familiar voice you cannot place say on the other end of the phone.

You let out a gasp and immediately clap your hand over your mouth, hoping that your shock had not be heard in the silence that had descended across the room.

Pierre was… leaving? After all this time? It was no secret that the two of you had never really bonded following your ascension to Alpha Tauri’s second seat, but you depended on him a great deal. He was great with the media, the fans, and the other drivers, and you felt comfortable following him around the paddock like a lost puppy, laughing and smiling along with everything he said and did.

You probably annoyed the hell out of him, and that was probably part of the reason he was eager to get away, to find a team mate he could actually have some meaningful banter with. Sure, you knew that he hadn’t always seen eye-to-eye with Esteban, but they had grown up together, and had an awful lot in common with one another. It seemed like a solid ground for a relationship, one that would definitely be more popular with the fans than your own.

You hear shuffling through the phone handset, and a whispered ‘fuck’ before the call is ended and the line goes dead.

“Fuck.” You echo, and you throw your phone down on your couch and pull your legs up to your chest, burying your head in your knees as you let out a single tear.

You didn’t think that you were crying for the loss of Pierre, that didn’t make sense, after all, the two of you hardly spoke outside of work. But at the same time, you couldn’t imagine being without him? You hadn’t realised until now just how much you had relied on him, and how much he had helped you over the years. He was the only friend you really had, though he probably regarded you as an acquaintance at best. All of your other friends had been left behind the day you moved your life to Faenza to be closer to the team, and you spent so much time travelling here, there and everywhere, that you hadn’t really had the chance to make any closer to your new home.

You hated to say it, but Pierre was your rock, and you had grown to care for him deeply, and now, losing him, what would it mean? You hoped they would call up some other, more experienced driver, like Daniel perhaps, to take the first seat. He could more than make up for your lack of confidence with his outgoing, loveable persona. But the alternative? The alternative scared you. If they were to call on some rookie to take his place, suddenly you would be the experienced one, the one to teach the newbie what to do and what to say. You barely knew yourself just how to play the game, you wouldn’t exactly make the best mentor.

You suddenly become aware of your breathing becoming faster, and more erratic, as your mind races, and employ one of the techniques your therapist had taught you to slowly regulate and steady yourself. God you regretted ending your session early, you could really do with someone to talk to right now.

Shakily, you reach for your phone and begin to draft out a text to your therapist. She had said to text if you had any concerns, and this was a real fucking big one.

Your phone begins to vibrate in your hands, and it almost slips out of your unsteady grasp as you read the contact name at the top of the screen - Pierre.

Fuck.

You take a shaky deep breath in and count in your mind, 1,2,3,4. You squeeze your eyes shut and squeeze your lips together tightly, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7. Finally, you exhale, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, and you accept the call.

“Hey! Did I call you just now?” Pierre asks, and you hesitate.

“Umm…” You say, unsure whether to lie, or to tell the truth.

“How much did you hear?” He asks, and you chuckle awkwardly.

“You still live at the same place? I’m coming over, I think we need to talk, yeah?” He says.

“Yeah, same place.” You say, and he hangs up.

You stare at your phone for a moment, your mind racing as you wonder exactly what Pierre wants to say to you. Was he angry at you for eavesdropping? You knew you should have hung up, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You were always taught that knowledge is power, and you just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to discover something new, even if it came from a blatant disregard for your team mate’s privacy. Hell, you’d be angry too if someone eavesdropped on a private conversation of yours, it’s only natural, so you wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to come over to yell at you.

Why else would he be coming to visit? It’s not like he owes you an explanation, or an apology. You meant nothing to him, you were just some overgrown rookie hanging off of his coat-tails, nothing but a burden.

Lucky for you, you weren’t left waiting long, as your apartment was only a few blocks away from Alpha Tauri’s headquarters, and you soon heard a rhythmic knock on your front door.

You take a second to breathe once again; in for four seconds, hold for seven seconds, out for eight seconds, before getting up to answer the door.

“Hi.” You say quietly, opening the door for Pierre to enter, your eyes not leaving the ground for a second.

Pierre follows you inside and takes a seat on the chair opposite the sofa where your things were spread out; a blanket, your phone, your laptop, a hoodie, and your favourite stuffed animal.

“Before you yell at me, let me bring my tissues. I always cry when I get yelled at, it’s not a guilt trip thing, so don’t feel bad, it’s just this thing I do, I can’t control it, I…” You say, walking over to your side table where you kept your tissues ready for a particularly sad movie or dog video.

“Who says I’m going to yell at you?” Pierre interrupts, and you turn to look him in the eyes for the first time.

“You’re not?” You ask, blinking away the tears that already threatened to breach your waterlines.

“No, why would I… That’s not why I’m here, I just wanted to make sure you were okay after hearing all of that.” He says, and you let out a shaky breath of relief.

“Me? Okay? You don’t have to worry about me, I’m fine.” You say, throwing yourself down on the sofa and closing your laptop, which still happened to be open on your therapist’s website, which Pierre had, no doubt, already seen.

“Oh, thank you! I expected a little more from my long time team mate after finding out I was leaving! Maybe not tears, but, something?” Pierre says with a chuckle, and you shake your head.

“No, no, don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely devastated that you’re leaving, and I’m going to be completely tragic and sad next year without you because I’m a total loser with no fans, but I’m happy for you, really.” You say, and Pierre gives you a warm smile.

“You’re not a total loser, (y/n).” Pierre says, and you give him a small smile.

“But you do think I have no fans?” You chuckle, letting out a small sniffle.

“You know I don’t think that. I’ve seen it myself, how many fans you have out there.” Pierre says, and you scoff.

“They’re all your fans, Pierre, and they’ll be leaving with you. We all know they only tolerate me because of you.” You say, and Pierre shakes his head.

“Bullshit.”

“It’s true! I mean, I have practically no personality when it comes to media stuff, I freeze at the slightest interaction with the media, I post like twice a month on Instagram because my life is just that boring, and, not to mention, I spend my free time talking to my therapist in the company of my fucking stuffed animals.” You rant, and you feel tears running down your cheeks as you speak.

“You really don’t see it, do you? How much they like you because of those things. You’re relatable, (y/n), you’re normal. You’re here to race, not to be a celebrity. You’re not an attention whore posting shirtless selfies for likes and saying stupid shit to keep your name in people’s mouths. And people like that.” Pierre says, and you scoff.

“Yeah, as if.” You sniff.

“If you don’t believe me, then just look online.”

“My therapist said googling myself was a bad idea. Besides, I don’t just wanna be normal and boring. I want people to know me, but I just get so… scared, I guess? Scared they won’t actually like me the way they like you.”

“Well, the little of you that I know, I like.” He says with a smile, and you feel your cheeks heat up. This was the first time you’d heard Pierre compliment you before, and you couldn’t deny the fuzzy feeling it gave you.

“I just wish I was more like you. You’re so popular, with the fans, the media, the other drivers. I see how everyone crowds around you, you were made to be the centre of attention and you’re so fucking good at being in the middle of everything. You have this winning personality, everyone wants to either be you, or fuck you. Or both. If I could just have one tenth of that charisma, that personality, that vibe, then maybe, just maybe, I’d be able to do this thing properly. But I don’t. I’m just (y/n). A loser.” You say, and Pierre shakes his head again.

“But you don’t need to be me, (y/n). You don’t need to pretend to be something you’re not for people to like you. The other guys like you just fine, they just wish you would talk to them more so that they can get to know you. Fuck, (y/n), I don’t think I even know you properly yet. I’d like to, and so would Charles, and Lewis, and Lando. You know, they ask me about you, a lot. I think they would talk to you more, but they don’t want to scare you.” Pierre says, and you chuckle.

“Ha, they know me well enough to know I’m terrified of social interaction, so there’s a start.” You say.

“You know that me leaving doesn’t mean I’m abandoning you, right? I’ll still be there for you.” Pierre says, and you look up at him, sniffing away your tears.

“Really?” You say, and Pierre smiles.

“Hey, I wouldn’t do it for my other team mates, but I guess you’re special.” He says with a chuckle.

“Well, that genuinely means a lot, really. Thank you.” You say, looking up at Pierre to briefly glance into his eyes.

He smiles at you, not breaking eye contact for a moment, and you feel the warmth of a blush creeping up your cheeks.

“I have to go, I have so much shit to do today, but don’t be a stranger, yeah?” Pierre says, standing from your chair and heading for the door of the apartment.

“I won’t.” You respond, and he winks at you before disappearing behind the door, closing it gently with a click.

Once you were sure he was out of earshot, you grab your phone again and immediately dial your therapist.

Ring. Ring. Ring. The call connects.

“Hey, um, I know this isn’t strictly therapy stuff but I need some advice.” You say, and she chuckles down the phone.

“I’ll help as much as I can.” She responds.

“So, I think I have a crush on my team mate, well, and don’t tell anyone this, he’s technically gonna be my former team mate. But yeah, I need help.” You say, and she laughs again.

“Oh, well that’s interesting. Let’s see how I can help then, yeah?” She says, and you exhale a shaky breath.

———

One Year Later…

You look out at the sea of fans, cheering and screaming for you and your team mate as you walk out onto the stage. You give them a wave, a smile, and a wink, and notice just how many of them are wearing your number on their shirts and caps. It gives you a fuzzy feeling on the inside, knowing that Pierre was right, losing him as your team mate wouldn’t mean you’d lose their support.

If anything, losing Pierre helped you. You did take his advice, and with the help of your trusty therapist, who was no longer your therapist at all but your closest friend, you had managed to come out of your shell more and show the world your true personality. And it felt good.

You take your seat beside Nyck on the stage, and turn your attention to the interviewer, who was waiting for the fans to stop their cheering to ask you the first question.

“Okay, okay, any more cheering and we’re gonna run out of time! Let’s get to questions, hm?” The interviewer asks, and you smile.

“Actually, I don’t mind the cheering! Keep going guys, let me hear you!” You say, your voice dripping with enthusiasm and excitement as the crowd goes wild once again.

“First question then, who are you and what have you done with (y/n)? You were so quiet and reserved these past few seasons, but now you seem to have really grown in confidence, and I’m sure I speak for everyone here when I say that we love it!” She says, and you chuckle.

“Well, it’s true I struggled a lot during my first few seasons. I honestly didn’t feel all too confident in myself and my abilities, and that really made it hard for me to be so outgoing. But, things have changed, and I owe it all to my former team mate Pierre. He’s really helped me to grow as a driver and as a person, and given me confidence that I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to have. Even now we’re not team mates, I’m still his biggest fan and just so grateful for his support. So yeah, I really really owe it to him.” You say, and the audience cheers and whoops at your mention of Pierre.

Since Pierre’s move to Alpine, the two of you hadn’t been able to spend as much time together at work, but that didn’t stop you from spending time together at all. You had both made an agreement with one another to go out together at least once a month, and you had even taken a trip together during the winter break at the end of the previous season. Naturally, this meant that speculation was wild with fans over the nature of your relationship, with some insisting that you just had to be a couple.

But the truth was, you weren’t really sure what your relationship with Pierre even was. Sure, a few drunk kisses had been exchanged, and there were hugs aplenty, but as far as Pierre was concerned, you were just friends, even if you did desire something more.

“You mentioned Pierre there, and I’m sure everyone in the audience has seen the photos of your little dates and that ski trip you took back in December, so, are you really just friends?” The interviewer asks, and you blush.

“Yes, yes, we are just friends, really.” You chuckle.

“But if he asked you out, what would you say?” She asks, and you shake your head, a smile playing on your lips.

“Put it this way, I wouldn’t say no.” You laugh, and the audience erupts into loud cheers at your response.

Once the crowd’s shouts and whoops had quietened, the interviewer directs her attention to Nyck and you sit and listen intently until you are ushered backstage with a smile and a wave.

“You wouldn’t say no, huh?” You hear a familiar voice say, and your cheeks immediately heat up.

“I mean, I’d be a fool to say no right?” You say, trying to play it cool despite the anxiety rising within you.

“Then I’m taking you out Wednesday. Properly. Wear that black dress, you look sexy in it.” Pierre says, and you can’t help but stare at him, your eyes wide and your mouth dropping open in shock.

You try to search your brain for a response, but it seemed to have become completely blank the moment Pierre called you sexy. You can’t quite believe he actually said it, and for a moment you wonder if you were hallucinating, or dreaming, and pinch yourself on your arm. It stings, like a bitch, and you realise you most certainly weren’t dreaming. It was real.

“Okay. See you in practise tomorrow, yeah?” You finally manage to say, and Pierre smirks at you.

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” He says, winking at you before joining Esteban who was waiting in the wings ready to step out on stage.

The pair step on stage to roars and cheers from the fans, and you chuckle in disbelief, taking one more glance out to the sea of hats and shirts that bore your number. You were finally able to be you, unapologetically so, and the fans loved it, Pierre loved it too, but most importantly, you loved it.

[hollygl125]

On likes:

I’m not sure if anyone will read this—or care—but I really want you to know: I love your likes.

Recently I’ve seen some pretty out there (wild) takes on this subject, so I’ll say it again: I love your likes.

I’ve read at least one post (on a very large blog) going in the other direction, with someone saying they appreciate likes and reblogs equally. I appreciate the sentiment, but honestly it would be disingenuous for me to agree with that:

1. This is not a large blog, and reblogs do increase the chances of someone else seeing and appreciating something I’ve spent time making.

2. It is thrilling to know you like something I made enough that you want to put it up on your virtual wall.

3. Sometimes reblogs come with very kind comments or tags, and when someone takes the time to put words to their appreciation for something I’ve made . . . well, to me, that really is the best—that’s the MOST fun part about reblogs, to me.

(@figsr very frequently gives me kind comments in her reblogs, because she is very kind. I still remember @clintbeifong’s “you made WHAT” tag on my very favourite GIF-set I’ve ever made.)

(As an aside, I like it less when people slip in that they don’t ship my OTP. I am an adult—like, born in the ’80s—making GIF-sets and writing fan fiction (or any fiction) for the first time in my life because I fell down such a rabbit hole for these characters, and I am literally the only one guaranteed to read your tags. So it’s so unnecessary!)

But I will say it again for those in the back: I love your likes.

I love knowing that you saw and appreciated something I’ve made! I will admit that I personally am a bit of a reblog slut. When I joined this site in December 2021 (yes, just for these two lovely science nerds!), I was as chock full of anxiety as one could be; I did not want to make any mark here. All I did was like things to keep track of them. Then I liked a bunch of stuff (because I liked a bunch of stuff!) and got blocked by an account by which I had not wanted to be blocked, presumably because my blog was empty and (especially given the format of my username) I looked like a bot.

So I reblogged a few of my very favourite things (so I would look like an actual human being!), and then it was just an incredibly slippery slope to where before long I was reblogging basically anything I could scrounge up that was GSR-related. Seriously, if you were one of the half dozen or so people following me two years ago this time, you will probably know that a lot of that stuff was not of the highest quality by recent standards, and I reblogged a lot of it (and still have a bunch of it waiting in my paused queue, to be honest).

But I know that’s not how everyone engages. I know some people reblog only their very, very favourite things—or nothing at all. And so I want to tell you again: I love your likes.

If you frequently “like” (my) creations for Sara Sidle + Gil Grissom (or William Petersen), regardless of whether I have followed you back (sorry—honestly tell me if you want and I will happily follow back!), I almost certainly recognize your username, and I am always super, super happy to see you in my notifications.

So . . . yes, in conclusion, and for the sake of clarity: I love your likes. 💛💛💛

[multifandomfanficss]

More Than I’m Willing To Lose Part 4 (finale)

Adrian Chase/Vigilante x Reader

Featuring platonic!11th Street Kids.

Adrian Chase Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Prompt: The team has found Jack and they’ll stop at nothing to take him down, but you and Adrian just want to keep each other safe.

Warnings: panic, gun violence, scientific experimentation, mentions of sex in a joking manner, cannon typical Peacemaker violence and language

A/N: Here it is! The final chapter! It’s so crazy to me that I’m actually posting this almost exactly a year ago from when I started writing the first chapter in August of last year. I didn’t think I’d ever finish this one. I always intended to, but never did. I’m happy I finally got around to it. I hope you guys enjoy! 🥰🧜‍♂️

You sat and listened as Harcourt gave the rundown on how the mission would go. From what they could tell there was only one guy really involved. Jack seemed to be working alone. Nobody really knew why, but they didn’t care. Leota was going to run the mission, John would be running head on tech and coms, and Adrian and Chris would be the muscle. Emilia planned on staying back to watch you, just in case anyone tried anything while the team was gone.

“I’m not staying home. I’m going.” You decide.

“No, you’re not.” Adrian says adamantly.

“That’s not fair! I’m the reason we’re in this mess. Why can’t I go?” You question him.

“We’re not talking about this right now.” He tries to avoid the subject, walking away, continuing to aggressively pack a bag of weapons.

“Yes, we are. I’m a part of this team too. My shoulder is healing great and it’s not like I do much field work anyway. I’ll stay in the van! Why can’t I go?” You ask again, following him.

“Because you’re more than I’m willing to lose!” Adrian snaps. You stare at Adrian in shock. You don’t know what to think about that statement, but you don’t want him to go without you.

“Kid, he’s right-“ Chris starts.

“When have you ever agreed with him?!” You turn to look at Chris.

“Look, kid-“ You cut him off.

“I’m a grown adult don’t treat me like a fucking child.” You snap. You feel bad. You know he’s not calling you a child when he says that, but you just got so angry. You’re not even angry. You’re just scared. You sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t think you need to be on this mission. It’s not a big deal. It should be easy peasy. Just let us get in, take care of it, and get out. Nobody thinks any less of you, we just think you don’t need to worry about it.” Leota tries to reason with you.

“I updated the coms and there’s trackers inside now. You can watch them at all times no matter how far away you are and I’ll loop you in if we need anything.” John promises.

“Please,” Adrian takes a deep breath. “Please stay here with Harcourt.” He begs.

“Okay.” You say flatly.

“Okay?” Adrian is relieved.

“Yeah. I’ll stay.” You weren’t happy about it.

“Thank you.” He sighs, hugging you before going to help load the van. “It’ll be okay.”

“You know he’s just trying to protect you right?” Harcourt asks once they’re gone.

“I know.” You sigh. “I just don’t like not being there in case he needs me. You and I both know how reckless he is sometimes, especially when someone’s really pissed him off.”

“He’s gonna be okay. He’s an idiot, but he’s practically indestructible.”

“I know. It’s just the practically part that scares me.” You watch the computer closely, trying not to think of all the what ifs.

“You really love him don’t you?” She asks as you stalk the coms tracker.

“Is it that obvious?” You give a dry laugh.

“Yeah, but if it helps I’m pretty sure it’s mutual. If I didn’t know you two, I’d assume you were dating.” You look at her in disbelief.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. Chase doesn’t look at me like that.” She smiles at you in an effort to make you feel better. Moments like this were rare with Emilia. You would consider her your friend, but you didn’t often get to talk with her like this.

“Leota said the same thing.” You smile.

“Have you ever stopped to consider that maybe Adebayo and I are right? We all see it.”

“Really?” You question.

“Yes. Why haven’t you told him yet?” She asks.

“I don’t have the best track record with people I like. I tend to get rejected far more than anything else and I’ve lost friends because of it. Our friendship means too much to me to change it or lose it because I couldn’t keep my feelings to myself.” You sigh.

“Something tells me he feels pretty similarly.”

“Why won’t he just tell me? Why do I have to tell him?”

“I think he’s been trying to tell you, but doesn’t know how far is too far with boundaries. He’s probably just as scared to lose you. I don’t know why you can’t see that. You can read him better than anyone else. It’s like you two are the twins from the fucking Shinning.” You laugh at her comparison.

The joy doesn’t last long. Suddenly the trackers start to go offline. “What the fuck is happening?” You try to refrain from freaking out. Harcourt picks up her phone, making a call.

“John, why did they all just go offline?” She has him on speaker phone.

“I don’t know, but the last thing I heard before they went out was that they think we might have underestimated how many people are involved.” He seems nervous.

“Fuck!” You let out a nervous yelp.

“Can you see their last known location?” Harcourt asks. You nod, showing her your screen.

“Get in the car.” She says, packing up her weapons. You pack your computer equipment, speeding off with Harcourt to meet up with Economos. You stare out the windshield silently.

“They’re gonna be okay.” She says.

“They fucking better be…I- I never told him…” Your voice trails off.

“You’ll get to tell him. If the night doesn’t end with you and Chase cuddled up on the couch ranting about your weird fucking nerd shows and making gross kissy faces at each other then I’m gonna kill every fucking mobster in this goddamn city until I find our team.” She says, gripping the steering wheel.

You see the van and you park alongside it, hoping in.

“Thank god you’re here.” Economos lets out a sigh of relief. As Harcourt and Economos devise a plan you start to get ready to head out into the field.

“What are you doing?” John asks.

“I’m going out there and neither of you are fucking stopping me this time.”

“Chase wouldn’t like this.” Harcourt starts.

“Well Adrian isn’t fucking here. I’m getting him back.” You head out and she follows you.

“Fine, but I’m leading.” She walks ahead of you with her gun drawn into the building their coms went out in.

“John, I think we figured out why we were only ever able to see one guy in this building…” Harcourt trailed off, staring into the entrance to the cave. “It looks like their operations are mostly underground. I think they took over an old butterfly base.” She guesses.

“Are we sure they aren’t butterflies?” He questions.

“I don’t seen an excess amount of amber fluid anywhere and they’d have to have it stock piled because the cow is dead now. There’s only a couple jars. They need so much to survive. It’s their only food source.” You remind him.

“We’re going into the tunnel. I’m not sure if this will cut off our signal or not.” Harcourt informs him before you start climbing down. There are multiple rooms. The first one you reach seems to be a meeting room for operations. You start reading papers on the tables. Harcourt was a solider. She was used to this, but analyzing was your job. You could actually do a lot of helping with this part. Your eyes start to water as you stare at the papers. “What?” She looks at you, sensing your discomfort.

“They’re not butterflies. They’re trying to become butterflies. We need to find the others they’re in a lot of fucking danger right now.” You say, starting to grow panicked looking at the failed experiments before you, records of trials done to turn humans into super soldiers with the strength of butterflies without being alien. They were using the amber fluid they found at the abandoned Glen Tai factory, but it wasn’t enough. They needed more data on the butterfly DNA. That’s what Jack was stealing from your laptop.

“What the fuck do you mean become butterflies?” She was confused.

“That’s what he needed from me. He wanted the data on the butterfly DNA that I had stored on my laptop.”

“Well aren’t you smarter than I gave you credit for?” You heard a voice you never wanted to hear again from the doorway. Harcourt drew her gun. “I’ve got your little boyfriend locked up and being prepped for trials as we speak.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You try to remain calm.

“Oh that’s right. You just wish he was. That’s why you went out with me…because he doesn’t love you. You know, I didn’t expect to have to shoot you.” He shrugs. “Not in the street at least. I was hoping you’d invite me in so we didn’t have to make a scene, but you’re still saving yourself for that idiot.” He laughs at you.

“What do you want, Jack?” You cringe, thinking of the night.

“I’ve already got everything I want. I have my data. I have more test subjects. I even have you right where I want you.”

“What are you talking about?” You ask as Harcourt scans the room. She watches as more men come around the corner with guns. She’s trying to plan an exist strategy.

“I hate to admit it, but I need your help. You can help me or you can try and fail to save the guy that’s been leading you on for a year to the point where you stopped dating completely. I may not love you, but at least I’m not leading you on.”

You look at Harcourt and see she has a plan before you make your next move.

“Sure because asking me out on a date only just to shoot me and rob me isn’t leading me on at all.” You laugh. You shoot him and Harcourt takes out the other men. “What was it you said to me? You thought this way would be more fun? I hope you’re having fun, Jack.” He isn’t dead yet, but you know he’s not getting up anytime soon. “Watch him I’m going to find the others.” You start to run out the door.

“Since when do I take orders from you?!” Harcourt yells after you.

“Please?” You ask more nicely, popping your head through the door again.

“Go.” She smiles. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t get up and nobody gets away with these documents.” You smile back at her before running out the door and down the hall. You check every room, careful not to draw any unwanted attention in case anyone is left. Finally you open a door to see Chris.

“I’m glad you’re here, but your ex boyfriend is fucking crazy.” Chris jokes.

“He’s not my ex. Don’t call him that.”

“Did you bang?” He questions as you untie him.

“No, of course we didn’t!” You protest.

“Hey, don’t judge. One time I banged this chick and she had like crazy stamina. I thought she was just super into me, but turns out she was a butterfly.” You cringe.

“Oh my god please stop talking about your sex life for once and go find Leota!” You beg him.

“I’ll stop, but only because you’re getting upset because you don’t have one and I feel bad for you because you got shot.” You and Chris part ways before you can kill him to find the rest of your teammates. You open door after door until finally you find him.

“Adrian!” You run to him. He snaps his head up from it’s relaxed position to face you. He’s not wearing his mask. They must have ripped it off of him. He looks a little roughed up.

“No no no no what are you doing here? You can’t be here.” He starts to worry.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. You’re okay. Everybody is okay. I shot him. I think we took out all his people.” You start untying him.

“You shot him?!” He’s surprised.

“Yeah…”

“I’m so fucking proud of you!” He gushes. You blush. “I mean I really wanted to shoot him, but I’m glad if anyone else did it, it was you.”

“I’m sorry. I know you didn’t want me down here. I know you were trying to protect me, but I couldn’t lose you.” You continue to work on his bindings.

“I couldn’t lose you either.” You finish untying the last knot and he shakes the ropes off.

“No, Adrian, you don’t understand. I think I’d die if I lost you. Like-“ You pause, sighing. “I can’t keep pretending like I didn’t hear you say you loved me that night in the hospital and- and if you said that just because you thought I was gonna die….” You pause taking a deep breath. “You can take it back- if you meant it just as friends you can take it back, but I can’t keep pretending like it didn’t happen. I can’t write it off as drugs or sleep deprivation anymore. I don’t want to! I love you! I love you and I’m saying it sober and of my own free will because I need you to know and god I hope I’m not gonna fuck up our friendship by saying this, but I need you to know I love you and- and you said that I’m more than you’re willing to lose, well…if I lost you I’d lose everything… Okay?” He stared at you. You started to grow nervous. “Please say something…”

“I’m a fucking idiot.” He laughs, pulling you into his arms, kissing you.

“I didn’t want to go out with Jack. I’ve had feelings for you this whole time. That’s why I never dated anyone. I had started giving up hope of you liking me back so I decided going on a date was the only way to try to get over you.”

“This whole time I was worried about getting rejected or crossing your boundaries. You’re the only person who gets me and laughs at my jokes and is always nice to me. Chris told me I would creep you out and you’d ditch me. I should have just said something. I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

“It’s okay, Ade. It doesn’t matter anymore.” You kiss him again.

“I can’t believe you shot him.” He laughs. “The motherfucker deserved it, but I bet he didn’t expect it.”

“I didn’t even expect it.” You laugh.

“Well I’m proud of you and I actually think that’s super cool and sexy of you.” He smirks.

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah, babe.” He kisses you again. You break off the kiss when you hear Leota and Chris’ voices from the doorway.

“You owe me 20 bucks.” She laughs.

Harcourt drove Jack to Belle Reve in her car while the rest of you took the van back to headquarters. You all laughed and danced to music, but this time it was different. You felt stronger. You were more confident now. Not only did you now have a successful relationship starting with Adrian’s arm around you as John drove, but you were also leaving a mission where you’d taken down a notorious criminal doing human trials on an alien drug that shouldn’t exist.

Things were finally starting to fall into place. Things were changing around here for the better. You knew the team would grow and change, you just thought it would be when they added more muscle to the team. You didn’t realize you were the muscle the team needed all along. After all, the heart is the most important muscle in the human body. Love is where you found your strength; through your friends, through Adrian, and through yourself.

[the1975attheirverybest]

hes just being messy, he was with meredith in la last wednesday and then now is like very public with gab. i actually feel pretty bad for meredith, the unfollow makes me think she thought they were more serious than they were. i dont think dating casually is a crime but all parties should at least be on the same page 😕 (no need to post this just telling you)

I’m very confused by all this and I guess y’all really don’t understand boundaries, respect, or consent. But since I’ve deleted just about 40 asks about this in the past 48 hours or so, fine. I guess we are talking about this. (Not directed at you alone or anything just my general feelings on the subject and on the fandom.) you wanna talk about Matty’s love life? Let’s talk about it.

Matty is 34 years old. Which means he’s well above the legal age of consent and, yeah, god help him, as a cis straight man, he do be acting like an absolute child sometimes, BUT it’s his life. His decisions to make.

From everything that we know about him, and especially after the ENTIRE FUCKIN WORLD turned against him over the summer, he is a lot more kind, compassionate, smart, self-aware, gentle, and pure-hearted than anyone’s ever given him credit for. Even his own fans. Say what you will about Matty Healy, but if it were me, in his shoes, I’d feel more than entitled to be Turner bitter towards the public what with the way we all (yes, we, as his fans too) have been treating him. But NOPE. Matty is a way bigger person than most of us. He didn’t say a damn thing. He kept his mouth shut and his head down and he did what he needed to do, he never let any of it deter him from being vulnerable and honest with us and putting on the best fuckin show that he could possible put on every fuckin night.

If that doesn’t earn him the benefit of the doubt then I don’t know what will.

I’m not sure why or when some of us have decided that it is our place to observe what goes on in his love life, to monitor his following/followers lists, to draw conclusions based on those numbers, or to consume public glimpses of his interior life as if it’s some tv show or movie or reality tv, even when those images are taken without his consent, and decide Meredith is not “marriage material” or Gabriette has “an aesthetic that I can finally get behind” (which, by the way, is a very sexist and disgusting thing to say about them as well as Matty, but I guess this fandom is hypocritical and will turn against its own values as soon as Matty Healy’s dick is involved), but at some point apparently that happened and we started to treat him as less than human.

Fine, fine, I’ll even give you that much. Be sexist. Be judgmental and creepy and all up his ass. But to do all that and then “feel sorry for Meredith” call him a “mess”??? When you LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM?!!!!! How do know she thought it was more serious than it is??? Were you there??? Since we’re making judgements and assumptions based on the tiny fragments that we see, I’m gonna go ahead and make a judgment of my own and say since I didn’t see you in the middle holding one of his hands and one of hers, then you weren’t there. So why do you feel qualified to talk about what he may or may not have done??? Do you know him? Is he your bestie???? Did he confide in you??? Hmm? Fuckin tell me!!!!

To summarize: he’s a form of entertainment to you. You don’t care about his boundaries. And you have such a low opinion of him that (despite him proving in what is objectively one of the worst things to happen to a public figure, that he’s endlessly graceful and kind) you will comfortably assume the worst of him without A SHRED OF ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING EVIDENCE. So….why are you a fan? Hmm? Why do you feel comfortable supporting someone you think so little or and have no respect for as a human being?

If any of you really think “he deserve love” and “he deserves companionship.” Then you’d shut the fuck up, stop engaging with content that commodities and dehumanizes him, and mind your fuckin business for fucks sakes.

I mean, how would you like it if, based on a 7 second story on Instagram, or a tweet you made about your personal life or whatever, I (somehow who knows absolutely nothing about you) came up to you and was like “omg I noticed so and so has unfollowed you. Then two days later you posted a pic with this other person. You must have really crushed someone’s heart and led them on making them believe you were more serious than you actually were. And now you’re using this other person who appeared in a picture with you. That is concerning behavior my friend.” If you’re okay with me doing that to you then you and I must live wildly different realities.

[sitp-recs]

hello 👋 i hope you don’t mind me sending this, it’s not really an ask. i am feeling really frustrated about my fics. i work so hard on them, and feel like they are good (i know i can write, i have 2 creative writing degrees!) but they are hardly finding any audience, and it makes me feel like i should just give up. do you or anyone who follows you have any advice for me please? i am being very hard on myself lol. thanks for all you do, i love seeing your recs xx

Hi anon, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through this 🫂 it takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there, and getting low engagement can be very frustrating and discouraging. We always say we should be kinder to ourselves and I know that’s easier said than done, but I think it might be helpful to keep in mind that so many factors influence audience, and some are completely unrelated from actual quality. From traditionally popular/unpopular tropes to the time of the day you post your fics, there’s only so much we can control when it comes to engagement. Please know that your worth as a writer is not measured by those metrics.

I don’t think I’m equipped to offer solid advice because I’ve never been a writer myself. But as a reccer, I really try to live by the saying “write the stories you wanna tell”. Whenever I feel insecure about my recs I tell myself that only I can rec those specific fics the way I do, since it’s such a subjective process. Knowing I’m reccing for myself first and foremost is a small comfort - it means that at least one person will be pleased with the final result.

I’m sure my followers and especially other authors will have better advice to share so I’ll stop here and invite them to join this convo. Sending hugs your way anon, take care and don’t give up ❤️

[undead-discourse]

Hey OP, has this blog and all the asks and stuff you get influenced any of your perspectives on shipping discourse and general media stuff?

Oh, for sure.

I don’t think my opinions on “problematic” media or whatever itself have changed at all, but my opinions on these communities definitely have. Of course, I can’t talk about every single proshipper/anti and I’m generalizing here and this is entirely just from my experience. If it doesn’t fit you, it doesn't fit you.

I don’t really know how to articulate this very well so I’m sorry if this makes no fucking sense.

The communities everyone has built feel so backwards. Going into this, I assumed the community built around problematic media would be centered around said problematic media, but instead, it’s centered around defending it while also never engaging with it at all. It feels so bizarre to me that you’ve created a community around “live and let live, just enjoy the fiction you want to, it doesn’t matter at all actually” and yet 99% of all posts I see from proship blogs is about being proship and not them actually just enjoying their little fictional guys. In my experience, there seems to be more “fictional incest is okay because it’s fiction” posts than “here’s a drawing of some fictional incest, which is okay because it’s just fiction” posts, if that makes sense.

I don’t know, it just feels bad, man. Running this blog has made me significantly less happy, and I don’t really know why anyone would subject themselves to such a soul-crushing community long-term when they don’t even care all that much. I don’t know why someone would run a proship (or anti) blog where you only post about being morally better than the other “side” about your fiction, while also… Never posting or reblogging anything about the fiction you like. It just feels like nobody is happy or posting about the things that make them happy, ever.

I have the opposite problem with antis and proshippers. Antis have some fucked up opinions and I think they’re awful, but at least they don’t post about other shit. It’s possible to enjoy the things an anti has made without being an anti because they don’t exclusively post about being an anti. The #anti and #antiship tags are overrun with crossposts because nobody fuckin uses those hashtags. Antis don’t post under ship discourse tags or search through ship discourse tags or follow blogs exclusively about ship discourse like proshippers do.

I obviously can't speak for anyone else, but from my experience running this blog, it is exhausting constantly surrounding yourself with a community entirely built off of outrage. Of course harassment and bullying are bad and of course we should be anti-harassment. But I feel like that should be the baseline for the community and not everything the community thinks and does.

The term “ignorance is bliss” comes to mind. You don’t have to post about “wow antis sure do suck haha” all the time when you could post about your fictional blorbos instead. Post your blorbos dammit, even if they’re siblings or what the fuck ever, it’ll make you happier than posting about discourse.

Enjoy whatever fiction you want, but at least post about things you enjoy. You can quit posting about discourse if it makes you feel worse, I promise it doesn’t make you an anti I swear.

[sophieinwonderland]

Dang did you know the system behind KipAndKandiCore had been traumatized due to people spreading rumors about them in the past? I follow their multiplicity account and it looks like they were badly triggered and ultimately hospitalized due to the false accusations you made about them.

Will you apologize? Looks like they never reported EeveeCraft at all (they said as much on their blog), but you said they did? Also is it true that you block evaded to view their blog?

It’s really scary to see that a blog I follow had the owner of another blog I follow sent to a crisis unit. I really hope the system that runs KipAndKandiCore (and Multiplicity-Positivity) are okay! It’s not good to make assumptions about other people. You never know what they’ve been through and how they’ll handle being lied about!

I wish that systems weren’t so quick to judge other systems. And I especially wish that systems wouldn’t say things about other systems that they aren’t even sure are true. Looks like you really hurt that system with your words… Yipes!

I’d like to know if you plan on apologizing. Because if you’re not, I don’t want to follow you anymore. What you did was really hurtful and I’m so scared that something like that could happen to me too!

I'm sorry that things got to this point. And I sincerely wish them them a speedy and healthy recovery.

I used to enjoy seeing their posts. We weren't friends exactly. Never really interacted outside of public reblogs. But their posts always put a smile on my face.

Then around December they started reblogging posts attacking me. In May, they @'d me, calling me transphobic and bigoted. They've accused me of supporting zoophilia. Actually, in the same exact post where they tagged Eeveecraft while having Eeveecraft blocked and accused Eeveecraft of being racist, they attacked me and Cambrian Crew, calling them a longtime ableist, and repeated the zoophilia line and called me a "proud racist." (I don't think classifying me as a "promoter of transX" is accurate either, just because I've listened to the transX community and am generally neutral on the subject. But I'm also not too offended by that one. 🤷‍♀️)

I would hope someone with trauma relating to people spreading false rumors about them would be more careful doing the same to others.

For the record, I didn't do that.

I said they attacked Eeveecraft, because yes, their post is attacking them. They may not see their character assassinations and accusations as personal attacks, but I certainly do. And I think many others reading that post would as well.

I also never said they reported Eeveecraft. Someone asked me if I knew falsely reported them, and I said the following:

Sorry, I have no clue who was responsible for falsely reporting them. 🤷‍♀️ The problem is that it really could have been anyone. When I said “attacking,” I’m referring to the fact that this happened shortly after an argument with Kipandkandi hurling accusations of racism at them. Could they have falsely reported @/eeveecraft? Maybe. Not long ago, they reblogged a post I made that called out SAS’s hypocrisy on posting screenshots of Tumblr posts, and tagged it with “#sophie get banned challenge.” So would they be willing to report someone who said something they didn’t like, even if it didn’t violate any rules? I think so. But just because it’s something they’d be willing to do doesn’t mean it’s something they did.

I then went on to list other possibilities.

My belief is that Eeveecraft wouldn't have been banned were it not for them instigating anti-tulpa rhetoric and tagging Eeveecraft in a post accusing them of being racist that made it easy for potential harassers to reach them, despite knowing Eeveecraft had them blocked.

If you look at Kipandkandi's blog though, you will find months and months of attacks against me. Some made directly by them. Some reblogs of attacks against me. Reblogs of reblog of my own posts. And that's not to mention the callout post on their positivity blog.

I'm not sorry that I mentioned them twice after months of enduring constant damaging personal attacks and character assassinations from them in silence.

I'm sorry things escalated to this point. I'm sorry I ignored a problem and let it fester until now. Maybe addressing things earlier would have been better. Maybe I should have talked to them a long time ago. Maybe I ignored things too long and that's how we got here.

But as for what I posted now...

I would ask anyone out there how they would feel and react to an account that is constantly spreading rumors about them, attacking them, reblogging posting attacking them, calling for them to get banned, etc.

How would that make you feel? How would you respond?

Because personally, I think I've shown a great deal of restraint through this. More than most people would in the same situation.

It hurt, but I bottled everything up and let all of the constant personal attacks slide off for months, only actually acknowledging them when they switched their focus to attacking other members of the tulpamancy community like Eeveecraft and Cambrian.

I never want to hurt anyone. But I'm also not going to remain silent while they hurt the community and people I care about.

If you don't want to follow me because of that, then that's your right.

But I wanted to give you the context and let you make your own decisions.

Having said all of that, I really do wish them the best. I'm angry and frustrated with them. I've been confused why they seemed to develop such a deep, personal hatred of me over the past months. But I don't hate them. I genuinely still care about them and want them to be happy, healthy and safe.

[alasse-earfalas]

I don’t think anybody wants to listen to anything about this anymore, least of all from me, but unfortunately I’m still dealing with it so I’m going to talk about it. 

I’ve been going over a lot of the drama that happened last month, trying to figure out where to go to move forward from here. As I looked over some posts that I hadn’t seen before, I realized that there’s a bit of context about me that a lot of well-intentioned people don’t have. So I want to provide that context and, hopefully, close this chapter so we can all move on in our lives. 

I was raised in a home where my boundaries were not respected. This included emotional as well as physical boundaries. If I wanted to set a boundary and have even a chance of it being taken seriously, I had to fight for it. I had to be pushy and stubborn. Tact and understanding had to be thrown out the window, otherwise they would be used as tools of manipulation. I was expected to walk on eggshells to not upset or offend my abuser, and yet she was free to trample my boundaries and attack me whenever she felt like it because she was “the victim”. 

So when I made a space for conservative Christians to talk about LU and LoZ stuff, in an effort to set up boundaries to keep us safe from potential (and, very quickly, actual) attacks, I worded things in a very strong way. I understand now that the wording was poor, but I was doing my best with what I had at the time. Frankly, I didn’t think anybody would care. It wasn’t the first time I’d tried to advertise the server, so I expected the same crickets that we got last time. 

Then the vitriol started. 

The hatred, the smearing, the trolls, the liars, all of it activated emotions and behavior patterns from when I was still being abused. I was on guard both in and out of the server. I lost sleep. I barely ate. I reassured my friends that everything would be fine and that I had everything handled. I think I only cried, barely, once. Others in the server broke down more than that. And I’m sure most of you are aware of the anti-Christian witch hunt that happened here on Tumblr in connection with all of this, even against those who had zero affiliation with the server. 

So. When a group who’s actively attacking you—and trying to drive you out of your own space that you created—is waving a certain flag, tempers and attitudes toward anyone who waves that same flag are going to get heated. Nearly every time we tried to give someone who wasn’t conservative or Christian the benefit of the doubt, we ended up stabbed in the back and then smeared for it. 

While I rationally understand that many people who wave the rainbow flag are decent, good people, that’s not who tends to keep showing up. Instead, we mostly get people who explode at poor wording and seek to destroy those who dare disagree with them. And you know what? I’ve seen that before. I’ve seen the baiting and the manipulation and the rage and the gaslighting. That’s what I grew up with. That was my abuse. 

We don’t want to hurt anyone. All we want is to be left alone, and for our boundaries to be respected. But they haven’t been. 

To those of you who refuse to leave us alone: You are actively hurting your own community. All you’re doing is furthering the bigotry you claim to be fighting against. I don’t care if you’re “the victim” here, because victims often become abusers and abusers often claim to be victims. The longer you carry on attacking us, the more you are confirming all the negative stereotypes that you decry as hurtful and offensive. So stop it. 

To those who are decent people who have been hurt by this whole mess: I’m sorry for whatever hurt I’ve caused. Hurting anyone was never my intention. Hopefully one day we can talk to each other, peacefully, without bad actors ruining everyone’s reputations. 

This is the last I plan to say on the subject. Server’s still open. 

[12bleupwhat12]

1, 6, 19, 15 and 13 for Amane <3

THANKS FOR ASKING POOKIE!

1. Favourite song lyrics

I love the lyrics “You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already/ Remember MY cries, MY repents MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?” I just love the way the VA sings the first line super chipper like “die 😘”. I’m also a hoe for twisting the subject/context of final choruses (Taylor Swift does it a lot and I can’t get enough of it).

6. Favourite relationships with another character in the prison?

I really like how Fuuta and Amane’s relationship is developing and not enough people talk about it :’0! They both are completely different characters and if you told anyone in T1 that’d they’d get closer, I’m sure a lot of people wouldn’t believe you. But they both also have a similar mindset, Fuuta getting easily swept into cult-like mob mentality and Amane in the literal cult. It’s worrying for sure, but it’s defs interesting! I just find it fascinating how it developed so naturally and basically under our noses, the same way Muu and Haruka’s relationship developed in T1 before becoming the co-dependent mess they are.

13. Any ideas on what would they and their MV be like of they got a different verdict in T1?

I was initially unsure of it would change or be any different. MILGRAM characters have a tendency of when you vote one way they’re like “I’M GONNA SWITCH IT UP.” Part of me thought that Amane would be as radical and religious as she is now, with her ideals validated and therefore thinking she was cleared. She ain’t beating the catholic allegations.

But then I read a post that I can’t remember anymore (I’ll link it if I can find it) kinda proving the opposite. Honestly now, I think I’d she was voted innocent then she wouldn’t be the menace she is now. Amane grew up in an environment where adults and people of authority couldn’t be trusted to give her mercy, just punishing her for any bad thing she did. I think if she did get an inno verdict, she’d definitely need to grapple with the fact that not all sins have to be punished, and that she’s deserving of forgiveness. Of course this could backfire but we will never know

15. What do you think of their voice?

I LOVE HER VOICE, ESPECIALLY IN THE T2 VOICE DRAMA. I find it fascinating how her VA can switch from dark and moody to being really bubbly. She switches so seamlessly it actually unsettles me and that’s great! I also love her singing voice. Like I mentioned, the way she can sing the most darkest lines in a perky manner is so AAAAAA! She really does fit the role of singing on a children’s commercial/cartoon.

19. What do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

I think we already know how bad it was. Amane is established to be a child who is a stickler for the rules, gets good grades and age all her veggies. It is sad to think that she trusted adults and authority figures so much that the abuse she went through was completely excused to Amane because “god told them to do it, she broke the rules it’s only fair,” when the rule she broke was probably hella unfair!

AGAIN, THANKS FOR ASKING POOKIE REUL!!!! <3333

[madame-bavarian-cream]

AOT characters and music they’d listen to:

feat. Levi, Mikasa, Eren, Jean, Erwin, Hange, Armin, Sasha, Connie

But it’s really specific and not at all based off of people i know 😀 (i never ever do this but it was a thought that wouldnt leave me alone).

Eren: 

i’m sorry am I supposed to believe this dumb mf doesn’t listen to only tiktok songs w/o any awareness of him doing it???? He’ll be like “hey have you heard this new song?” 😄😄and its just an edited version of a song made by the neighbourhood years ago 😕 PLSSS sir diversify your tastes!!! he obsessively listened to that “my money don’t jiggle jiggle” song unironically. Before tiktok, he would only listen to music on that Top50 spotify playlists and the only playlists he had saved outside of it was one mikasa made for him. 😐😐 Also he hasn’t listened to the sza album and thinks the big boys song is on it (keep up 😤😤😤)

Levi:

i was so close to just saying he doesn’t listen to anything “why do u need music when you can just appreciate the silence??” BECAUSE SIR music sounds GOOD!!! 🤨🤨this is why i’d think he’d listen to shit like Kaleo?!?!?! 😭😭😭 idek just something that litterally does not evoke a single emotion . its just like . there . He probably might listen to the lumineers on occasion (ik theyre really good don’t come at me🫣🫣) poor bb would probably like heavy metal if somebody ELSE played it for him (he would never admit to it tho) bc its something Kenny used to play when he was younger but never asked him what kind of music it was to search it up himself. 🥺🥺

Mikasa: 

my sweet girl. :( she is a fiend!! she is a pinchrest, lana del rey, mitski, rina, bjork, tv girl, marina girly thru and thru🤩🤩(im not pulling this from my spotify i sweAR) shes so deadfaced about it. she shits on all those weird coquette girlies tho!! (as she should queen!!!) Never will admit to listening to it tho, and not because she’s embarrassed but because she doesn’t want anyone thinking she relates to the themes/subject matter (bbg why are you lying🥲🥲) But that’s okay because we can consume art critically! 😁😁😀

Jean:

oh dear god. save this white man pls. 😢😢ok okok he actually has pretty good taste in music. hes the type that argues “i love all kinds of music just not country” (but ya know hes singing along to 9 to 5 everytime it plays on shuffle🤭🤭) he’s also very idgaf with the type of music he listens to and for that reason he’ll put you onto amazing artists!!! I feel like he listens to a lot of Omar Apollo, Sega Bodega, Dominic Fike, idkkk. He also listens to A LOT of Brent Faiyaz, the weeknd, and Gunna.😍😍BUTT I also will die on this hill that he used to love Eminem and would memorize all the lyrics (jeanboy is the real slim shady)😙 i luv him, he burns cds for all his friends (yes eren too) but will hand them off so nonchalantly and will be so careful in making the order of the tracks (yes eren too) and everyone will mock him for being so loving (yes eren too). Anyways I headcanon that jean is very very open with giving out all his love to his friends, always hosting everyone (yes eren too), wears his heart on his sleeves, tells his mom every little detail about them, and has the entire checklist for being a good friend down. anyways this isn’t unfortunately a jean post :( i luv him so much actually. also a big radiohead fan for some reason !😝😝

Hange:

I WAS SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE!!!!!! hange has the best music taste and nobody expects it . (except me duh because i luv hange so so so so much 🤨) hange listens to what spotify categorizes as escape room music on their spotify wrapped. They listen to Eartheater, arca, bjork, coucou chloe, kilo kish, dorian electra, UGH I JUST CANT NOT ARGUE THIS ENOUGH!!! 👹👹hange’s dragging erwin and levi to the concerts and erwin’s grandpa ass is so enthusiastic for no reason (go white man go 🤠🤠) but like thats not all?? they also listen to artists like sevdaliza, florence, caroline polachek!!! HANGE LOVES WOMEN!!!! 😤FKA TWIGS, iamamiwhoami, kelela, kelsey lu :)))))) i feel like hange just loves :( it started out with trying to annoy levi with the weirdest sounding music ever but it turned out,,,,they really liked this kinda music (thx levi) Now he’s stuck with all their car rides consisting of hange whispering eartheater songs in his ear from the passengers seat right next to his ear. (also obsessed with any song they can gather people to dance along with #justdanceking) 🤞🤞

Erwin: 

erwin’s weird. he’s a weirdo. in case ya haven’t noticed. 😭😭 idk why his is so hard to think of??? He’s an unironic Rosalía stan and claims he luvs latina singers!! 😡😡i hate him so much. ok ok ok he’s a mariah carey, whitney houston, beyoncé, fan. He also loves like 2010s girl group music like fifth harmony, little mix, etcetera. 😫He cries to aretha franklin and nina simone. but he also knows the verses to Nicki’s songs :) i love him so much. ❤️

Sasha + Connie: 

they listen to the same music idc idc! Bad bunny, playboi carti, the weeknd. Connie went thru a bart simpson vapor wave/juice wrld phase. 😐😐😐He wouldve still been posting about XXXtentacion if Sasha didn’t smack some sense into him 😠😠(everyone say thank you sasha) Sasha also listens to lots of Britney i havta say! also loved the neighbourhood, arctic monkeys, etc growing up. I luv her so much 🤭🤭

Armin: 

my sweet darling boy grew up listening to emo rock and goth rock growing up. he hid it from everyone tho! instead he listened it to full blast on his headphones for hours at night and thats why today he says “huh.” 😕after every sentence someone says :/ hes grown out of it now but he still can belt out the lyrics to black parade anyday! went crazy over King for a Day bc Kellin Quinn AND Pierce the Veil?!?!?!😳😳 Now he loves screaming along in eren’s ear! 🤪🤪

[hologramcowboy]

https://at.tumblr.com/hologramcowboy/httpstwittercomditchlilytigerstatus162733189/wnyptttbl66d

I saw this photographer complaining about your use of the picture, too. Reading the comments was just …

Instead of calling someone a creepy conspiracy theorist because they interpret a photo (and real life comments and actions) differently than themselves, maybe they should try looking at things from another angel. This obsession with seeing Jensen as perfect and constantly having the time of his life is ridiculous and points to a huge bias. I’ll be honest, the particular picture in question, where Jensen looks in pain, could be him "living the music" but to me, he does not look like he’s just grooving. Also, there is video of the concert, so it’s not like people’s opinions are only based on photos.

The last time Jensen performed at a con, he was yelling, not singing, and yet they praise his amazing performance. Jensen has a lovely voice when he isn’t straining it, and is a good performer (usually), but that doesn’t actually mean he is an amazing, Uber talented singer. He was very good as Dean, but to say he never had over the top moments or ones that didn’t quite connect, is just not true. Saying he’s liberal and a huge ally is a huge stretch seeing as he is very closed mouthed on politics in general (I don’t actually blame him there, as if I were famous I’d want to appeal to the widest audience and would stick to discussing my art). Saying he likes Destiel now because he learned the hard way that criticizing the stupid ship gets him outright hate and death threats, is embracing willful ignorance. Jensen and Danneel can only be viewed as couples goals, despite the fact that their body language screens anything but affection. Jared is the bad guy because he cracked the illusion that Jensen is a perfect friend, professional and gentleman, and had a "tantrum" on Twitter because he didn’t let Jebsen off the hook or bail him out, for once, for his shitty actions around the prequel. Jensen supports Ukrainian and really cares about the issue, despite the fact that he starred in a commercial promoting Atomic Heart. Anyway, my point is the man is not perfect, no one is, but as soon as they see any criticism, they call the person delivering it crazy, a hater, or a miserable person who is just projecting.

I love my family, but that doesn’t mean I think it or each family member (myself included) is without flaws.

I started watching Supernatural as a Dean and Jensen fan. I was crazy about Dean until later seasons when he just got angrier and more hypocritical. At first, I admired Ackles for his love for Jared and humility, but his behavior (his inconsistency at cons, and how he talked about Jared lovingly one minute, then criticizing him at JIB or joking at his expense when he’s not there, while calling him brother in the next breath) would not allow me to keep blindly sighing over him. Not to mention, I noticed how his stories were always humble (or not so humble) brags. He isn’t consistent and changes for the crowd he’s in.

I’m sorry, but if you are the one who only sees someone as perfect and can’t acknowledge any flaws to the point that you need to attack anyone who dares mention one, then you are the one without a balanced view. Our observation are subjective, obviously, and you don’t have to agree with how someone elde interprets something, but to instantly write them off as just a hater or lying (unless it’s a provable lie, or delusion with no proof like hellers and cockles shippers) maybe take a look at your own objectivity and need to go to battle for someone you don’t actually know.

It saddens me that Jensen has such judgemental, toxic fans that only care about fetishiz*ing him. Then I remember there are also fans like you, who are able to see him as a real and complex person. Thank you for this beautiful post! 💕💕💕

I think the reason why they immediately resort to bullying and gaslighting is because they know they stand no chance of making eloquent, balanced arguments because they lack objectivity. I mean all they do is project, not only on others but on Jensen especially, he needs to be the fantasy they created and is not allowed to stray from that perfect image. I cannot imagine how painful that must be to him. No human is perfect and we all just want to be loved for who we are, not for some false image others build in their attempt to exploit our beauty, like in his case.