it’s 3am so watch me commiserate over this clip that’s been living in my head rent free for months now and making me sad once again after recent events
that feeling of it being just dapper and q!bad against the world returns once again
“i’m the only one who can watch you”
it’s the fact that the guy that would sacrifice eveything for any of the kids to stay safe, no matter how much strife or hatred or nasty words any of the parents could throw at him, is the one who feels like he has no one watching out for his own but himself. dapper is only an afterthought to the others. someone to remember only after all the terrible things have already happened. of course the halo family has others who they trust, but over and over again it’s shown that there’s a reason why q!bad is basically dapper’s whole world and why dapper is his sunshine
this is isn’t something new. they’ve both always shared this sentiment. dapper, the sole escapee off egg island, having only his dad at his side as they ran to that boat. and more recently, no one making sure dapper could ride out on the train with the rest of the islanders and eggs into the new server when they left that library
they “left me behind” and “just forgot me”
thankfully q!etoiles started to run back, but the fact that no one checked in the first place, that it seemed like q!etoiles was really the only one to notice even though plenty of others saw that dapper was online and around. q!bad is the only one who’s ever had dapper as priority number one in anything
that poor kid said it herself, she thinks she’s not one of the favorites. he thinks the others will be prioritized first. and they’re unfortunately likely right about that unless it comes to their dad
so the mantra continues; it’s simply dapper and q!bad against the world, to have each others backs, to live and die for each other
i need ghoap frantically making out against a door finally taking the leap on their feelings. need ghost grinding against soap, expecting to find him just as hard as him, only to feel nothing
and in all his wisdom and experience, he concludes soap was tortured and never told him
he’s trying to think of a delicate way to say he understands, that he’s been through it and it doesn’t change anything about how he feels (and who the fuck touched him so he can hunt them down and rend them limb from limb)
meanwhile trans!soap’s just trying to find the best angle to grind his cunt on ghost’s thigh
just it never even entering ghost’s head bc he’s never known a trans person but he has met plenty of people who’ve been tortured - himself included - so of course that’s his logical leap
soap takes off his shirt and he sees his top surgery scars and ghost asks if he wants him to kill the one who did it and soap just hums like, “actually, man did pretty good, they healed real well,” and ghost’s just teary-eyes with awe at how well he’s coping, “looking on the bright side, that’s my johnny.”
imagine he thinks johnny was fully castrated but sees he’s determined to still have a sex life with him so he buys packers and straps to help him bc hell yeah healing and soap’s just like, “holy shit i’ve never had such a thoughtful partner before, such a sweet man, lt.”
starting off my february starstruck dee ship-a-ganza with the big one. they do seem like... the obvious answer, huh...?
they have far and away the most development together and the strongest personal relationship, both in what i've posted, and in her story overall! would kill or die for each other in a heartbeat. i would be absolutely lying if i said i'd never thought about it, but i'm not 100% convinced my thoughts lead me to romance specifically...
they're already pretty insane about each other! starstruck in particular is madly in love with bandee in every way it's possible to be. loves him the way he loves kirby, i think (pretty sure he does not know this. might be shocked to learn it.)
however she's daft as bricks, so he'd have to initiate, and i can't really imagine anything in their relationship would change.... so he'd have to mostly want The Title or the Performance one way or another, and i'm not super sure he would!
I always like imagining Deltarune if it had animated trailers or cinematics, so I wanted to make a run of Noelle's design trying to stick more closely to the coloring and style of Deltarune!
Okay what if the winners got to meet previous versions of themselves through the life games.
Like grian meets no one. He didn't have any previous "versions".
Scott meets 3rd life Scott.
Pearl meets 3rd life and last life pearl.
Martyn meets 3rd life, last life and double life Martyn.
Scar meets 3rd life, last life, double life and lim life him-
This whole thing was an idea that I got just because I was thinking about ll and sl scar because they were both so lonely like wtf and I just though about a scene that would be so. Grips chair.
Ll: "We won?"
Sl: "Yeah"
Ll: "Did we have allies? Friends?"
Ll scar probably thinks sl scar won only because he had allies to support him. He knows what its like being lonely and he hopes no one has to go through that loneliness. And he wants to be optimistic for once that sl scar, future him, gets allies, gets friends.
He tries to hope and then he sees the look on sl scars face. Or maybe sl scar tries to lie- maybe he tries to say they had allies.
Ll scar sees right through him. He's him after all. Maybe he's always gonna he lonely anyway
I have the smallest crumb of a theory. But what if howdy is mean to Latter because he’s self-conscious of being the only caterpillar (and repressed) and takes it out on his brother as a consequence. Because social expectations at the time gave him an excuse to do so?
no. ok. hoo boy. Allow Me To Be Insane Over The Most Prominent Thought I've Had Since Seeing The Update (about howdy)
i will try to be as eloquent and articulate as possible. ahem:
THAT FRUITY ASS CATERPILLAR IS REPRESSED AS FUCK, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT?? MY GOD. HOMEBOY HAS ISSUES STACKED ON ISSUES. GET HIM SOME THERAPY.
ok. ok ok ok. Now allow me to be articulate and eloquent
so obviously Howdy is almost certainly queer in the men-loving flavor. if i'm wrong about this my confidence will never recover. But I'm Willing To Take That Chance. so he's definitely queer, right? his.. well his everything points to it, but the final nail in the coffin are his rainbow suspenders from the group Homewarming artwork from Eddie's prolonged breakdown.
but this update i think showed us deeper into that part of him. and i take the shipping goggles off for genuine analysis, so when i say this i believe that there is Serious Evidence and seems Genuinely Plausible - if Howdy doesn't have feelings for Barnaby, i'll eat my cat.
the above is important to say because it Directly ties in to how Howdy treats Latter AND Eddie.
so. Howdy is likely gay or bi, what have you. i'm guessing gay. he obviously has feelings for Barnaby. SO WHAT I'M SAYING IS that i don't think Howdy treats Latter the way he does because of the caterpillar thing, I think Howdy treats Latter the way he does because Latter is genuine and Howdy is not.
what does this have to do with Eddie? well. look at Latter and Eddie in relation to each other. they're both... how do i say... Open. and not - not effeminate, but yes, for lack of of a better word, effeminate. just enough to make one go "huh." and Howdy treats them the same way - dismissive, apathetic, one could even say avoidant.
i wouldn't be shocked if Howdy picked up on their queerness (and if Latter isn't queer, his comfort with himself / his behavior & interests) and is on the defensive about it - likely subconsciously.
and with Latter specifically. Howdy could have also picked up on the way his other family members treat him if they're all also dismissive - as Seeya seems to be as well. i mean, it fits right in line with the time period! homophobia - internalized in Howdy's case (again, most likely). the blatant favoritism, the dismissive nature, it all adds up. even if no one outright knows, that subconscious recognition (or outright suspicion!) will do this
i mean, Latter makes me think of two things. 1) being the only queer kid in a family (especially large). 2) being a middle child. there was a third but i forgor. it felt important! it's gone now! anyway it's also Super telling comparing how Howdy treats Latter (emotional, earnest, open) to how he treats Beeya (oozing stereotypical masculinity)
tl;dr so i don't think it's really "expectations giving Howdy an excuse" as it is "subconscious / internalized homophobia causes Howdy to act the way he does"
as always, take all this with a Hefty grain of salt!
FOR A BEAT OF HEART, THE BREATH IS SHOT.
AND WITHIN A BREATH, THE HEART IS CAUGHT.
THE PIPES ARE BURSTING, UNDER GREAT STRESS,
BOLTS TORN ASUNDER, MAKING A MESS.
A FINAL COUGH, A FINAL RETCH,
A GOREY SLOUGH, CLAIMED BY WRETCH.
the disastrous life of saiki k its only a comedy anime because we see everything from kusuo's pov and the things that's happens in the episode are just a normal day for him so he sees everything like normal and even comedic
I just KNOW that if it was from someone else's pov the anime would turn into psychological horror