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#no one get excited Idk the brain is doing
sp0o0kylights · 9 months
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Part One / Part Two (You are Here) / Part Three 
A03
Hopper had undersold Harrington's condition. 
Wayne hadn't expected anything pretty, but the face that turned to them as they walked through the door almost had him freezing in place. 
Black eye, bruised chin, split lip. 
More and more bruises, some faded and some very new, trailing down the kids neck. 
 The rest was hidden by his preppy little polo shirt, but Wayne didn't doubt that there were more.
Harrington tried to stand when they entered the room and the way he moved--entirely unbalanced, clearly in a lot of pain--made Wayne think the only thing the kid really needed was a hospital. 
Because Steve Harrington hadn't just been beaten. 
He'd been tortured--and very recently strangled. 
(Abruptly, Wayne realized that Hopper had implied the boy had been in the mall fire--just as much as he implied the mall fire was anything but. 
He also hadn't stated how Harrington had escaped the Suites trying to break into his house.) 
"Sit down." Hopper commanded, and Wayne expected Harrington to do anything but listen. 
Say something cocky, or act the part of a demanding little shit maybe, despite the condition he was in.
Instead the kid just sighed in relief and dropped like a stone, right back into the chair. 
Hopper came around his desk, talking all the while. "Steve, this is Wayne. Wayne, Steve."
"Hello Sir." Steve croaked politely. His voice was wrecked, no doubt from the necklace of finger shaped bruises around his neck.
"You're going to stay with him for a while, and you're gonna pay him for the privilege." Hopper informed him, as he began digging around his desk. "Money, chores, whatever Wayne wants." 
Wayne held his gaze as Steve turned to appraise him. 
Would Harrington pitch a fit? 
Would he look at Wayne's work clothes, streaked with dirt and sweat, with the name of the warehouse embroidered in the corner and crinkle up his nose, just like his daddy did? 
Hopper didn't lie, but a part of Wayne wanted to see just how different this Harrington was. If the respectful demeanor was an act done for Hopper. 
Or perhaps, Hopper had mentioned Steve's father for a reason, instead of his mother. Did he adopt her ice-like approach to life? 
Micro managing and long-held grudges were Stella Harrington’s game, and she excelled at it. 
Steve however, did nothing of the sort, instead settling with the situation in a way that reminded Wayne far too strongly of the men and women who'd come home from war.
"Okay." The kid said simply, after a long moment of consideration. He turned back to Hopper. "But we need to tell the rest of the Par--" 
Here he cut a look back to Wayne, correcting himself. "the kids. I don't want them showing up at my house trying to find me and freaking out." 
"They wouldn't--" Jim paused, fingers freezing from the rummaging they'd been doing. "they absolutely would, goddammit." He muttered darkly.  
"I'll tell the kids. The only thing I want you doing right now is laying low. I need to get a hold of Owens, but it's gonna take time to do that, and more time to fix this, so as of right now, Harrington? You're on vacation." He pointed sternly, as if Steve might argue.
The kid looked too tired and messed up to bother trying. 
"I mean it. You're out of the country, where is anybody's guess. No one's seen you and no one better be seeing you, got it?" His voice held firm, and Wayne had to blink because the tone here wasn't one of a police chief warning a teenager--but of a father talking to his son.
He knew, because his own voice did that now. Took on a worried tone that masqueraded as something more like annoyance and seriousness. 
"Yes, Sir." Harrington said, remaining weirdly compliant. "Consider me gone." 
A hand came up to briefly press above one eye, and Wayne wondered if the kid had been looked over, or if they had just crammed him into Hopper's office without offering so much as a tissue box. 
How many painkillers did they have back at the house? Wayne usually kept a good bottle around, but Steve was going to need more than that…
He found himself once again cataloging Steve's wounds, this time comparing them to the medicine cabinet he had at home. 
"I expect you to be a damn good house guest, you hear me?" Hopper continued, trying to cut a menacing figure. He finally found what he was looking for; pulling out a large, padded envelope. 
He handed it over to Harrington, who took it without looking, shoving it into the duffle bag he'd had sitting at his feet. 
There was a smudge of red on the handle of said bag, that matched perfectly up to a shittily done wrap on Steve's right hand. 
Wayne mentally added 'buy more bandages' to his list. 
Steve nodded at Hopper again. "Yes, Sir."
Jim’s eyes narrowed. "Quite that, you know I hate that." 
The briefest glimmer of mischief crossed Harrington's face. "Sorry, Sir. Won't happen again, Sir."
'Ahh.' Wayne thought. 'So there's a teenager in there after all.'
Jim rolled his eyes. "Get out of my office."
"Thanks Hop." Harrington said, finally dropping that odd obedience, a hint of a smile on his battered face. 
He stood, and Wayne had to stop himself from offering an arm out as Steve reached for his bag and limped towards him. 
He paused right before he left Hopper's office, hand on the doorframe.
 "You'll check up on Robin too, right?"  He asked, and for the first time his tone took on something more alive--and filled with worry. "And Dustin? Erica?" 
"Dustin and his mom are finally taking me up on my suggestion to see their family in Florida for a while, and the Sinclairs are taking a sabbatical from Hawkins. I'm working on the Buckley's." Hopper drummed his fingers on the desk. "So far, no one else besides you and El have been targeted, and we're going to keep it that way."
Steve let out a breath, and while Wayne could tell the worry hadn't left him, he could almost physically see Steve force himself to put it away.
Another act that was far beyond the kid's years. 
A different officer popped up as they walked down the hall towards the exit, waving his hand madly. "Harrington! Chief says you forgot this!" He barked.
(Or tried to anyway. Callahan wasn’t the most aggressive of officers and frankly, never would be.)
A slim sports bag was held in his hands, and Steve nearly tripped over his own feet when he tried to turn and claim it.
"I'll get it." Wayne said, knowing his tone sounded gruff.
No use for it. He could either sound gruff or sound sad, and Wayne knew better than to start off the relationship with yet another hurt young man by acting sad.
Pity wasn't gonna win him any favors here. 
He took the bag, slinging it over his shoulder, uncaring of the wince on Harrington's face until something sharp poked at his shoulder. 
Several somethings, in fact. 
"What the hell do you got in this thing?" He asked once they hit the parking lot, voice low as he escorted Steve to his truck. 
"Just a baseball bat, sir." Steve said, in the exact same tone Eddie used every time he thought he was bein’ slick. 
Considering the thing in the bag could have passed for a baseball bat if not for the sharp pokey bits, it wasn’t a bad attempt. Steve just hadn’t accounted for the fact that Wayne lived with Eddie. 
An unfair advantage, really. 
‘Least there can’t be any baby racoons in the damn bag.’ Wayne thought idly. 
Went on to gently put the bat in the backseat, watching as the kid struggled to lift himself into the truck.
"You can drop that, I take too being called Sir about as well as Hop does." He said, keeping his tone nice and calm, hoping to ease into calling Steve out on his lie. 
Fussed with a few dials on the stereo, giving Steve an excuse to take his time before starting the engine and taking the long way home.
Wayne wanted to talk a little-- without the chance of Ed’s interrupting. 
"Son,” He started off. “I was born in the morning, but not this morning. I'm hoping to make the next few weeks as easy as I can for both of us, and I can't do that if you're starting off with a lie." 
Steve blinked, turning to face him in a matter that was too fast for his injuries. He didn't bother hiding the hurt it caused him, but his voice stayed even as he spoke.
 "What do you mean Si--Wayne." 
"Nice catch.”  Wayne said. “We’ll get you there yet.” 
It was a trick he'd learned with Eddie--little tidbits of praise went a long way when it came to gaining trust.
Especially with kids who hadn't ever been given much. 
Harrington seemed smart to it, or perhaps was just hesitant to speak in general because he remained quiet, not offering up any info. No further lies, but nothing towards the truth, neither. 
Which was fine. Wayne didn’t think a little pushing would hurt.
"That bat of yours was digging into my shoulder like a bee swarm." Wayne continued, when it became clear Steve wasn't talking. "I'm more a fan of football than baseball, but last I checked they hadn't changed the design of a bat." 
"What teams?" Steve asked, perking up a touch. "Of football. Which ones are yours?"
Wayne could ignore it of course, or demand Steve give him an answer to the question he asked. 
He did neither. "I’m liking the Colts since they got moved here. You?" 
"Green Bay Packers, though I like the Colts too--that trade in 84’ was crazy." Steve said. After a second he proved that answering instead of pushing was the right move because he added; "What did Hopper tell you? About…" He trailed off, making a gesture Wayne didn't bother trying to interpret. 
"He said some things. I've guessed a few others." Wayne admitted. Cut a little look out of the corner of his eye as he came to a stop sign. "I know the feds are real interested in you after Starcourt." 
Steve took that in, hands tightening on the handle. 
"It really is a baseball bat." He said, a little fast and with the tiniest hint of that challenge Wayne had been looking for. "It just also has nails hammered into one end." 
Wayne took that in with one nice, slow blink. 
"A bat with nails in it." He said, and it made a hell of a lot of sense compared to the sensation he'd felt carrying the case. "You use it against anyone?" 
"Some of the feds." Steve admitted, and even with his eyes on the road Wayne could tell he was being stared at.
Judged.
Not in the way one expected a rich kid to judge, but in the way Eddie had, those first few months he'd lived here. The times when  he'd push, just a little, to see what Wayne's reaction would be. 
Eddie hadn't done it in a damn long time, but Wayne recognized the behavior nonetheless. 
"Anybody else?" He asked. 
"Nobody human." Steve replied. 
"Alright." Wayne said, and made a mental note to drop all questions related to that. 
He didn't need to know, definitely didn't want to know, and had a feeling if he did know he'd find himself being watched by the same spooks after Steve.
"I've got a few deck boxes that lock on my porch. Think you'd be agreeable to leaving the bat in one?" 
Steve paused, hand clenching tighter around the strap of his duffel bag. "If you gave me a key so I could get it in an emergency,  I'd be happy to." 
He tried to sound calm, even a little charming in that sort of upper-class businessman sort of way, but the fear bled through. 
The kid wasn't happy separating from the bat, and given it sounded like it might have saved his life recently, Wayne understood the hesitation. 
With an internal apology to Eddie, he promptly threw his nephew under the proverbial bus.  "I've got my nephew at home and he'd be far too interested in it, is all. Blades and weapons and such tend to attract him, and I don't need to be rushing anyone to the ER." 
All of which were very true facts (one Wayne learned the time he'd allowed Eddie to bring a sword  home, only for him to nearly cut his own nose off winging the thing around) but he figured it might make Steve more amenable to separating from it. 
Sure enough, some of the tenseness bled out of Steve's shoulders. "Yeah that's fair." 
The truck hit a few potholes as they finally turned into the trailer park, and the kid hissed, a quiet sound. 
Judging by the uncomfortable wince, and hands clenched into his jeans something painwise was giving him trouble. 
"When was the last time you took a pain pill?" Wayne asked, doing his best to weave around the other holes that dotted the gravel roads.
Steve blinked. "Uh…" 
"You take any today son?" 
Steve his head. 
"Didn't have time to grab it." He said, offering a sad look to his pack. 
Course he hadn't. 
"Let's get you inside then and get you some." Wayne said with a sigh. Thankfully Eddie's van wasn't here--Wayne was fairly certain he had band practice today but knowing him it could be a million other things.
Just meant he had to acclimate Steve as fast as he could, to try and get the poor guy settled before Ed’s came in. 
He just hoped life and lady luck would work with him, for once. 
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sunnibits · 2 months
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loving reminder as someone who struggles with food: you are allowed to add joy to your food. you are allowed to add a little joy even if it’s a tiny thing, something silly or something weird. you are allowed to do it whenever you want, as many times as you want. anything that makes food easier and more enjoyable for you is worth it!! it’s your food, you can decide what to do with it!! you can add rainbow sprinkles to your ice cream. you can cut your food into little heart shapes. you can pack your snacks into cute little bento boxes. it is not pointless or childish, it is an effective and active coping tool that you are allowed to use.
give yourself a little joy. the little things add up.
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grapecaseschoices · 1 month
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UP TOP: Is the Tadpole Consumers! Sometimes being 'Power Hungry' means eating an actual worm.
Kendis Wolfcrossing (left): Bearbarian (Druid and Barbarian), She/They (nb). Romance Rolan [Maybe Minthara. Maybe Halsin. I'm just fucking around in the PT]
Kaeliana (right): aka The Dark Urge, Soradin of Kelemvor (Sorcerer and Paladin), She/her (trans). Romance Wyll.
BOTTOM DOWN: The Parental Trauma Cleric Sibs (and potentially both technically undead).
Amryl Shadowhoard (left): Ranger/War Cleric of Bahamut, They/It/She (in order; nb). Romance Wyll/Lae'zel/REDACTED [yeah that's the polyam!]. Is, technically, Isyl's younger sibling.
Isyl Shadowhoard (right): aka The Dark Urge. Cleric of Light [hhaha] of Lathander, ???? (trans and nb). Potential Romance Barcus. Is, definitely, Amryl's older sibling. Isyl remembers that fact and Isyl remembers Lathander. Everything else is secondary. Right?
#meet my tavs#grapes chars#bg3: kendis wolfcrossing#oc: kaeliana#oc: amryl shadowhoard#oc: isyl shadowhoard#bg3 tav#bg3 durge#grapecase posts#meet my ocs#the thing im most excited for isyl is tthe sibling stuff and the struggle between past and 'nature' and ofc exploring duergar shit but i#hope isyl can be a particular shit to wulbern#im more excited about the barcus 'romance' than i expected?#i need to learnmroe about him#kendis is supposed to have a scar over their black/white eye. idk if its hard to see bc of teh tadpole eating or if a mod took it off#i'll check later#this is my current [mostly] active PTs.#but i have like six others in the shadows? lol and one nebulous plan. bc i dont have a geriatric. i wanted to make an old man githyanki but#then the enbies ate my brain#also tho some people put nb as under the trans umbrella i know some people see it as a separate umbrella.#i feel isyl sees themselves as both. they transitioned but they also see themselves as nonbinary. kendis sees being nonbinary as both in#a weird way like its own seperate thing but also under the umbrella? idk a venn diagram? i just vibe for kendis#kae proudly has a girldick. and proudly is a woman. i have mixed ideaas on when she transitioned. im sure it would have been a mess. but it#HERS.#[on the one hand i dont think bhaal cares. but on the other hand idky i feel bhaalists would get very evangelical about it. like THIS IS TH#BODY BHAAL MADE. A RE YOU SAYING BHAAL ERRED???]#amryl is they/it nonbinary. trans. wte. but they're also i think one of those nonbinary unless it's 'god forbid women are allowed to do ANY#HING'#lmao#okay okay im going back to my burrow
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wundrousarts · 1 year
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Yesterday I watched Cartoon Saloon’s short “Screecher’s Reach”, and thought Daal’s hair was almost exactly like how I envision Mathilde Lachance’s hair, so I decided to try and draw her. Today I stopped cleaning up the sketch after about an hour because I got bored, so it’s going here.
#nevermoor#nevermoor fanart#mathilde lachance#idk if anyone’s ever drawn her before (which makes sense bc no description) but I wanted to give it a shot#I’ve always envisioned her like. goth former art student. just the vibe of a pretentious 20s-30s artist who is also kinda goth. for funsies#when I said this blog is where I ‘dump’ my fanart I am being serious. bc sometimes I just quit part way through. lol.#I always try to be one of those ppl that ‘renders’ just by cleaning up their sketch + flats and then I always get bored and stop doing it#I need to stop avoiding doing lineart bc I actually enjoy doing it. when I do otherwise I just end up w a bunch of half finished stuff loll#anyways. I haven’t drawn in ages bc college sucked all my time and energy. but I just graduated 💪 and I’m excited to get back into things.#especially nevermoor stuff!!! bc I have so many ideas!!!!!#fun fact for if you’ve read this far: I like giving wundersmiths bright golden eye highlights when I draw them. just for fun!#the gold of wunder goes sooo well w the black/purple color scheme of morrigan. genius idea from jess. that’s why I always love drawing mog!#I may never draw stuff but rest assured I’m always thinking abt how I would draw nevermoor ppl/places/things and why#I have so many thoughts and my nevermoor brainrot is also is where my art/animation brain and media adaptation brain get to combine#I am going to be insufferable when (if?) the movie starts being made and I am not even sorry#anyways. enjoy this lq image. bc this is a screenshot and I have a problem with drawing way too small lol. oops.
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seilon · 5 months
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i got like three different compliments from people today on my customer service and im not gonna lie I greatly enjoy feeling like im winning at Restaurant Host
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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months
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...
#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished#and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing#or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol#inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!!#which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont#wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol#but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball#and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose#its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh#or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die#im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it#ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier#but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic#environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species#like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene#transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling.#i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt#teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff#what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready#my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol#unrelated
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finally settling once and for all... with the evidence laid out plainly.. which of these brother boys is more stinkys ,,,
#also please for the love of gourd do not take this seriously i am joking I do not hold any of these behaviors against my cats I know that#all cats are a little stinky and weird I have had cats all of my life I am not genuinely condemning my cats i am being silly please lol#(some of my goofy cat posts in the past will always get like.. one or two people taking an issue with something incredibly#mundane. like me saying a cat is being rude or somehting and someone being like 'um actually cats cant process the concept of#rudeness. he has no idea he did anything wrong!' ........ yes...... i am aware.. that my cat has the brain of a cat lol#ANYWAY.... polls!!! so excited to have polls.. I will try not to be annoyig but I just love asking random things to the general#public. in friend groups I am always the one asking people to taking surveys. quizzes. making surveys and handing them out. etc.#the rare times I can partially overcome my social anhedonia/inability to socially function properly/etc. is when I'm interviewing people or#socializing specifically in the context of like Information Gathering lol#I love running questionairres and stuff . even about the most mundane pointless topics. there's just soemthing really interesting#about like....... being able to ask people stuff and then look at and analyze the results.#Even though that's an incredibly simple average thing. idk.. my brain loves information even if it's pointless silly information.#I Just Think It's Neat. I have so so sos os oso many ideas but I wanted to make the first poll about my cats#of course because I'm also obsessed with them lol. I was thinking of taking some of the pictures of them in front of a blank#canvas and doing a poll of 'what are they painting?' or 'what should they paint?' but I decided to go with babey crimes#for now. inspired by various baby crimes committed just this morning. Fresh on my mind..#I wish they had a middle option though between '1 day' and '1 week'. I think a week is too long for a poll like this but also#one day is not long enough because I dont really have THAT many active followers. if it was just a day it would probably reach like 5 poepl#people. I want to at least be able to reblog it a few times maybe. lol#I think 3-4 days would be ideal. Its a new feature though. I'm sure they'll modify things as time goes on.#Still feeling sick and bad and weird and not being that productive at all generally but... I have just enough energy stores..#using up every ounce of my power to make a goofy poll... a worthy sacrifice....
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citruscore · 1 year
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Big W for the Layton community today! Can’t wait to see any fan art you make in the future for the new game! Is there anything that you personally want to see in the new game? I’d like to see Flora return (I miss my girl so much)!
Well, my initial worry was that this would take place post lmj which i think a lot of agree was uh. not very great to put it nicely. but now that we know that's not the case...
All i want to see some good interactions between my boys!!
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(and lots of thoughts in the tags)
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chillllii · 7 hours
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when the audhd is fun until you become "i really really really have to give my input/side/idea and i dont give a fuck who's talking or what everyone was initially talking about" and before this site's illiteracy kicks in i'm certain we're all guilty of this to some extent
#well i'm not fucking talking to you am i#this is not directed at every reader but i think even if you think ''i'm not that bad#chilllli yelps#not everything autism/adhd/audhd does is cool we do annoying shit sometimes and that's just a fact that yall dont wanna hear#it's also ok to make mistakes and it's ok for your brain to have flaws#but also when you interrupt people to say smth that either no one cared to hear. no one was even saying. or fuck maybe someone already said#it. it's a little fucking annoying and when you do it over and over and over and over sometimes people get sick of your shit#you have flaws you are imperfect and your ego will be your social death if you do not learn to allow others to speak#fuck#if people start screaming at me btw cause i said smth that's true i'm blocking and deleting that shit#work on yourself#i also know yall are gonna be like ''oh well *I* never interrupt people and when i do i apologize you should at least do a small self evalua#just a small ''well do i listen to my friends very well? do i listen to the conversation i am a part of?"#also to yall who go into discord calls and lurk but sometimes talk think ''when i speak is it actually relevant to some extent?#or if you REALLY wanna talk about it it's ok just try to find a way to segway into what you wanna talk about cause that's how conversations#work.#i dont really expect this post to go anywhere tbh i'm just kinda frustrated cause i know a lotta neurodivert people who do this and idk how#say that interrupting people is annoying and disrespectful cause i know the brain chemical gets excited when it has smth it wants to talk-#about#i love you and i want you to tell me things. i also want to say things and when you talk over me to tell me things it comes off as you not#giving a fuck what i or others even are saying cause you're taking over the conversation with your shit that's irrelevant and no one has-#mentioned#idk i think i'm tired of seeing people be disrespected all the time but not knowing a polite way to tell them that they need to wait their-#turn to speak and when it's appropriate to change the subject
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acaesic · 13 days
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if yapping in the tags were a job id be jeff bezos
#does that make any sense?#i feel like the words im saying come out extremely convoluted to anyone who isnt me#cause in my brain#i like will re-say sentences without thinking about the previous sentence and how they mesh together#OH YEAH and then i dont provide context for how i got to that thought#so ill say one thing and then the next thing will like sound out of left field almost i think#anyway i really wanna draw gerard way but i cant decide on an image and its so !?!?#AUGH. do i draw nurse gerard or ….. i forgot the word? accountant??? gerard? whatever#or one of the ones where theyre covered in blood which is a lot of them#OOH AND. i really fucking wanna draw 2ourdust pete and soul punk patrick when he had the red suit and the devil horns#BUT I CANT !!!! number one i cant find just the right image of pete to draw and THERES MAYBE 5 DEVIL PATRICK IMAGES#so i was thinking i could just improvise like how i did with my idiots of oz art? and just draw a sp patrick image but colour his suit red#and draw some cartoonish 2D devil horns on instead#idk. anyway#im hoping to draw today . it might happen#ALSO ALSO ALSO!!!! i got vip for my idkhow concert next week :)#HAGSHSNANGSHFNKSLSJHSBCJDNSNSGSBFNJZBXNXKSLFKFBHSGSHFHGAGSHENSHSHSUGSHSBCHZHDKDLSHGDNAGSGSBFNKZHXNDJAGSHDJALSLJFHDNSJFKZBSHGAHSJFKFNDMXMCKF#IM SO FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT THAT#AUGH!!!!!! i also really wanted to draw dallon but if im being honest. im getting so sick of his face#i run a daily dallon blog i have like 8000 images of him ive drawn him 15 dozen times im TIRED!!!!!!!#so yeah. what was this post about again?#chase said something alright
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kavehater · 15 days
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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piplupod · 16 days
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epic win at old lady group today: the group leader was struggling with a tangled up loose skein of yarn, so i scampered over to the other end of the table where was sitting and offered to untangle it and wind it into a centre-pull yarn bal for her since I remembered how to do it from just the other day fjdkdl and she was very confused why i would WANT to do that but she let me :3
so i got to untangle yarn AND wind a yarn ball AND help someone i appreciate, three things i love doing - YIPPEE !!!
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ban-joey · 6 months
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sending laser beams to my professor with my mind. kenneth you said midterm grades would b up by this afternoon. it is officially TONIGHT and guess what? kenneth i would love to not be clenching my teeth in my sleep tonight. kenneth i will be sending you a bill in the mail. yes i know its probably a TAs responsibility but i blame you personally. i hate school
#i dont im having a lot of fun (genuinely) but it is often pretty stressful#did find out there are a few folks adjacent to my program doing zoonoses & climate change research so im very excited to chat w them next w#possibly directing my thesis towards one health. social epi gradually becoming less interesting#plus i think my strengths do lie in applying epi to biological concepts so. one health works there#my brain continually trying to get back to lyme disease :( sometimes i really do miss the east coast tbh!#not lying actually i think the number one thing i miss is the amt of vector borne disease research LMFAO#i do unfortunately kind of have a crush on a classmate so that's fine but whatever. grad school. men are nice to me and i lose my mind ig#need to go make out w a hot trans person i think that would solve my problems rn#but also it's nice to be so excited about someone deciding to sit next to me in every class :)#like wow how isolated have i been the last 3 years to be so delighted by like. active signs i have Officially Made Friends.#even if he does live like a block away from my dad and jokes every goddamn day like 'so i saw your dad yesterday' no you DIDNT shut UP#idk yesterday he sat right next to me in a class he usually sits w other people in and it sort of sent my brain off the edge and now im jus#yeah. sitting with this one. it's fine like it's normal. but wowie i do think it's my first time having a Big Ol Crush since (redacted)#a little scary for my animal brain i think but it's okay!#im 25 in like 3 ish weeks and i still get embarrassed about this stuff somehow? stupid.#he's just really nice and always really fun to talk to! i think i had to officially Sit With Myself today bc epi is doing a holiday party#and there's a baking contest and we were talking abt it in class and i was indecisive abt whether i want to participate#and he like fully cut me off and was like oh you should bake something so i can have some :)#and. well fuck now i have to lmao. IM SO EASY IT'S SO EMBARRASSING#good evening everyone. guess this is my journal now. anyway ken rice you owe me twenty dollars and i aim to COLLECT
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friendamedes · 9 months
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i just have to figure out ONE THING i can devote 3k-6k words on and then i can write totk fic. i believe in myself
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allaganexarch · 3 months
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godddddd wasting time and energy on things that don't fucking matter has got to be THE worst feeling
#personal#i felt super embarrassed in my korean lesson today#because I didn't have a lot of time the last couple of weeks and I was trying to resolve the situation w the other tutor#when i should have just cut my losses and bailed#and look i know i'm learning there's literally no reason to be embarrassed etc but i am insane so that's not an option LOL#i should have somehow already known the contents of the lesson and therefore not needed the lesson hope this helps#but actually it was like i spent what little time i had preparing for the other lesson that was stupid and pointless rather than this one#and that just made me feel :( you know#in fairness to me my mental health was circling the drain literally until 2 days ago#so the last couple of days have just been like *sweeps up the carnage of various mental breakdowns and other insane behavior* LOL#but idk just generally feeling frustrated with myself even tho that's not super helpful#also frustrated that stupid bullshit has been taking up way too much of my time and energy lately#and it seems like the more i try to get the stupid bs out of the way the more it just dominates my life somehow#also super helpful that my brain's natural response to this state of being is 'well maybe you can't do anything right and should die :)'#like okay ty for your input LOL#despite how this sounds actually my korean lesson was REALLY good LOL#it was so good I just like got upset about wasting time on other bs you know??#anyway ty for coming to my nightly overshare i actually feel better now#love to shout into the void#exciting korean learning tag
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#truly i have too modes. so fucking busy i cant breathe. cant think without a muddled lag. feeling motion sick as i walk#a path ive walked a thousand times over. or not busy enough. without thr pressure i revert to a liquid state and spill across the floor#i cant seem to do anything. at least when im busy i cant feel how miserable i am. at least for a little while bc i have to focus#idk how to find a balance. it always seems to be all or nothing. outside my control but directed by my control#ugh. after the month ive had the misery's caught up with me. also i havent been sleeping enough#i felt horrible all day in the lab ans i was like. i mean maybe its low bloodsugar? but then when i went home i felt 1000 times better#which is. ya kno understandable but not great#idk i can just feel the anger leaking out from under my skin. ive made the system unlivable. now im suffocating on the echo of pain#and i feel bad bc it must b all over my face. bitterness simmering in my words#i met with my boss today for a delayed meeting of a delayed meeting and showed her some preliminary data. she was excited and asked what i#felt abt it. and i dont feel anything abt it. nothing. i dont care i dont care i dont care i dont fucking care#set my datasheets on fire. burn them to ash. i wouldnt feel anything#and im sure some of that sentiment came thru bc she later texted me to reiterate how cool the data is bc no ones done a study this#extensive ans i dont kno how to reply bc again i dont care. theres no breathing enthusiasm back. that dim light has been extinguished. i#look forward to never having to think abt it again.#whatever the more pressing issue is that i cant get my brain to function enough to save me from the other problems i have boiling over#just me sabotaging potential future happiness from where i sit unhappily in the present#annoying. ugh i need to sleep.#unrelated
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