#no rereading before we post we die like men

[terresdebrume]

More fic covers | More fic recs

I mentioned I made fic cover in a recent post and it reminded me that I'd meant to make one for SJTrinity's Band of Brothers fic: Under Thunder and Rain which is THE Webgott fic, as far as I'm concerned. I've reread it something like five time in the past three months, it's ridiculous. You should read it to.

More about my thought process under the cut, with some spoilers.

So, the entire fic is amazing, of course, but the scene that keeps standing up in my mind is the one in chapter 4, where David is about to sail away on the Tusitala and Joe tries to convince him not to. I love this scene, the vulnerability in both of them, the fact that they find each other, the fact that Joe doesn't realize that it's him David was looking for in the sea. (I know David compares himself to the Shark from the Frisco chapter, but to me his fight to catch said shark is also an excellent parallel of the way he constantly has to reel Joe in and then give him some slack before he breaks the line in his struggle.)

All this to say: I had to have the Tusitala on the cover, if only because if this boat could talk it would be able to tell the tale of how Joe and David finally stop struggling and come together for good. The rain, of course, is a reference to the title and the poem David writes Joe in chapter 5, but I still wanted a bright blue sky as the background because I feel like the vivid and peaceful color are a good contrast to the way they struggle to find their way to one another (and also it reminds me of Episode 10 of BOB, where the color is back in the world and it feels like everything should be alright, but Easy is still losing men and none of them is free of the weight of the war.

The title and author name being on pieces of paper is, of course, a nod to Joe's box full of David's letters and notes, which is also featured against the title card. I wanted watercolor of a bag of groceries for the upper left corner, to further reference that first note and the fact that we don't know how significant it is until the end of the story, because Joe keeps all his cards fucking close to the chest, even if he also betrays himself in his struggle.

(Full disclosure, on my latest rereads the bits that caught my brain were

the time David asks Joe if his future wife does have a smile to die for and Joe says "yeah, it's a great smile. Drives me nuts." While running a finger over David's lips

"He wouldn't add or take away a single thing, and the people who read that book would know how fucking lucky he had been, how he had fought against it and gotten it anyways, this symphony of a life.")

Unfortunately, I couldn't find any graphic on Canva that fit the style of the rest of the cover, so I got a pastry instead. I picked the croissant because, while not extremely sweet for a delicatessen, it's very buttery, and, well: "Copious amounts of sugar and butter clearly loosened him in a way even sex couldn't achieve, because when David came and stood beside him by the stove, Joe threw an arm around his shoulder and bumped their heads together, then playfully tried to wrestle him off his feet." which I feel is also a delightfully deep insight into Joe in general.

And last but not least: the transparent text is the last note David writes Joe in the fic, standing in as the last page of Joe's unwritten book of them.

[guildofscribes]

Obi-wan Kenobi, y'all...

Okay, so I ran out of PJO fics for now (gonna' wait a while before going back because writing is hard work and I understand that), and I got back into Star Wars. 

**Obi-wan Kenobi** folks!! 

Rereading the books and watching video essays and absorbing the different stuff about the dude…

I just like him. 

No “main character” energy really, he’s a support character, BUT BOY DOES HE DO THAT SUPPORTING!!!

Obi-wan never had the staggering potential that screamed out “Watch This One!” to the rest of the people, wasn’t much beyond “yeah, he’s okay” at almost everything…

That is, until he got attached to someone with Main Character Energy. 

*Then* it’s him just scrambling to keep up, scrambling to keep his head above water, or just scrambling to *keep his head at all* and the boy be like “man, it takes forever to Level Up around here” like he didn’t get thrown into life on Death March/No Save mode. 

There’s no easy run for him, because he got pitched into the Big Leagues before he scraped into Little League by fingernails and the skin of his teeth and nobody told him the game they were playing. 

I’m just… *hmm* (insert consternated flailing here)

He’s the Normal Dude that didn’t understand that he was allowed to bow out for a more peaceful lie. 

The smol boy didn’t know that while he was struggling to not drown and being In Crisis that the people around him weren’t drowning was because they had Plot Armor! He had to make his own freaking armor! 

“Man, everybody is a really great saber dualist, I have to make sure I can keep up.”

*(probably keeps a diary of every mistake and ends up mastering a whole Form of combat and excels in the ones that fill in all his gaps)*

“Man, I keep getting thrown around so much, I am so outclassed.”

*(takes so much punishment that should cripple everyone and then Walks Away from the encounter???)*

“Man, I’m so average in the Force, I gotta’ work on my skills in everything.”

*(OP’s the skills he has to Wild Extents- have you seen what he does with the “it be furry, it be Friend Shaped” ability?)*

I can’t with this character!!!

He’s what happens when a Normal Person gets thrown into the Main Storyline and Doesn’t Die because he has a lick of common sense. The situations keep getting more insane, to he Sense required isn’t at all Common anymore, but he’s still like “I’m literally the Worst here, look at these Amazing People around me!”

Every single time something Wild happens he looks at it like “I would never survive that.” and proceeds to overthink his way to the Solution “just in case” and Applies it to his life when he gets dragged into the next insane thing.

Obi-wan Kenobi worked his way into Main Character Status by accident!

see so many separate posts about Star Wars in which there’s this expose on this Person and how they reacted to a Situation and how it rolled out, and then there’s the ending of “But when Obi-wan hit same situation, he didn’t Do A Stupid.”

Literally HALF of my Star Wars pintrist board is this stuff!  *And I didn’t realize until I went to organize it recently!*

“Hmm, this is a lot of Obi-wan stuff…”

“Wait a minute… it’s all *quotes* from stuff.”

“Oh my gosh! He’s the Old Man in the profession that devours Young Men! Obi-wan is an Old Bastard! What the heck!”

(seriously though, look up the "Old Bastards" division in WWII, it’s insane and I will be using this lingo for the rest of forever)

Literally the biggest Dad Energy of the Order!

Nobody else can fix a thing? “Hey, send Kenobi, he can do it.”

“Hey, let’s put Kenobi on that mission, he can handle a gaggle of idiots.”

Obi-wan shows up like, “What am *I* supposed to do about this if somebody else couldn’t figure it out? I’m not Magic, I’m not Yoda!” and people are like, “Heck if I know! But you gotta’ help ‘cause we know you Got This!” (thumbs-up) :D

And Obi-wan just quietly dies inside and tries not to die for real and become an Inconvenience on top of probably not knowing what exactly he’s doing. But dammit, they asked, so he’s going to Help, come hell and high water, because honestly with his luck, they're both probably what’s just around the corner.

Is he the Best Professional at all of the things he does?

No!

But he’s good enough at enough stuff, if he doesn’t know he’ll Learn It and get that :poop: done!

He’s a “Normal Guy” in the world of the Jedi. So damn relatable in that he’s average… until he works his butt off. And then he just thinks he’s hit the Acceptable level of things. (facepalm)

The amount of Trauma he walks off is just, so astronomical. I can't begin to address that here. Maybe another day.

And! And! He’s got a freaking indestructible sense of humor! The height of gallows humor, the peak of sarcastic wit, the most solid baseline of self-deprecating jokes that just… *chef’s kiss*

Depression? Oh absolutely! But he’s going to make you laugh about it and forget that it’s Actually Serious because dammit, that’s one good idea for what should surely be a crippling case!

*sigh*

I’m tired now. 

This whole story is a Trip.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Too bad now you have to give recs of "hero goes down on the clueless heroine and she’s like wow thanks that was AMAZING, can women do that to men too? 🤔 " haha

I love the clueless heroine going down on the hero, she has no idea what she is doing but her eagerness makes it a 10, Best blow job of my life 🤌🏻

@hptriviachamp posts every time the latter thing happens with a very apt meme that makes me laugh every time (IT AIN'T MUCH BUT IT'S HONEST WORK)

I can't remember a lot of PARTICULAR moments, but for these moments or this vibe:

You should definitely try Elisa Braden for this vibe. Mooost of her heroines are virgins (honestly: too many of them for me lol, I do need a bit more variation) and they're often all "WHAT'S THIS BUTTON DO" about sex. Her Midnight in Scotland series is really good. I think The Taming of a Highlander is the one where the hero is like "THERE'S NO WAY IT'LL FIT. WE MUSTN'T." and she's like "la la la it grows exponentially bigger when I look at it, I suppose I shall attempt to stuff it in la di da" blase about it.

One Good Earl Deserves a Lover by Sarah MacLean, one of her best. The heroine's a scientist who initially gets the hero to teach her about sex only! Verbally! Before graduating to physically! Also! She's very "if he'd let me study his penis with a magnifying glass I would" in nature. I also really enjoy the scene where he eats her out, comes in his pants, and immediately afterward is caught when his buddy stumbles in like "hey where do we keep th--OH. SORRY."

The Duke Gets Desperate by Diana Quincy doesn't have this scene/a totally clueless heroine, but it does have a scene where the hero is like "my dick is trying to make friends with your pussy" so there's that.

And in the same sense, because I fucking know these authors are friends and there's no way this was a total coincidence... Frankie in Mila Finelli's Mafia Mistress & Mafia Darling is NOT a virgin by any means. But when she and Fausto make it official, they do immediately roleplay him deflowering her as if she has literally never seen a dick in her life and it's HILARIOUS. Like these are DEEPLY COMMITTED people going "oh no! what's that????" "it's my dick! it's trying to say hello!" and I. Die. Not only because it's very funny, but because it actually makes their relationship more authentic to me. That's the kind of shit you only do with someone you deeply trust lmao.

Grace Callaway is gonna give you this vibe. Not all of her heroines are virgins, but the ones who are... often are precocious... and will like stuff their mouths with the hero's dick like they're doing the chubby bunny challenge.... The Duke Who Knew Too Much comes to mind because he's like "NO WAIT STOP THERE'S CRIME AFOOT" but she's already going for it.

Speaking of, Elizabeth Hoyt's Duke of Pleasure always deserves cred for the singular moment in which the hero and (virgin, grew up as a street rat dressed as a boy) heroine are investigating crime and some evildoers come upon them and he's like "quick just pretend you're blowing me" and she does start like, a mild actual beej while he's telling the guys "PLEASE LEAVE I'M GETTING BLOWN BY MY DOXY~" but after the guys leave he's all "so you can stop" and she's like "no no no I'm going somewhere with this". This one is special to me because he makes her spit into his fancy handkerchief after and I promise that even if he didn't know it that's when he decided to marry that girl.

I would say How to Marry a Marquess is one you should check out--by Stacy Reid. It's a classic "brother's best friend teaches me how to be sexy and then things get Really Outta Hand" book. I also really liked this one scene in it when his whole "let me teach you what dudes are into" thing leads to him like, eating her out in a moving carriage and when the carriage stops he does an entire "EGADS" jump off of her.

I need to reread The Lady Gets Lucky, but that's a rake meets virgin sex lessons book, and I have to think based off the scene I remember where he's like 30 seconds away from coming just from watching her lick her lips, there's a lot happening.

[leojurand]

house of niccolò reread rambling thoughts: niccolò rising edition (final part)

writing this like a week after finishing the book because i'm lazy but hey! at least i'm doing it!

i think niccolò rising is a great introduction to the series. it's not as emotionally gripping as the game of kings, but it is way more polished and easier to understand and get into, i think.

that being said, it's still one of my least favourite dunnett books. which says a lot about the quality of her novels because i still really, really love it.

so yeah, a couple of reread thoughts before i (eventually) move on to book 2 :)

1.

“Although,” said Tobie, “we’ll never know, will we, what brought it on? Relief or disappointment?”

i think it's fascinating that after 8 books, and considering nicholas is one of my favourite characters of all time (possibly even my number 1!), i still can't 100% tell if something is a part of his plan, or fate making those things happen.

did he always plan to marry the widow? on paper it seemed like a last resort because he didn't want her to sell the company, and it gave him status so it was, mostly, a win/win situation (if we ignore the fact that she brought him up and he was ten, which i definitely can't ignore, but i do wonder if it bothers nicholas especially considering his childhood).

did he want felix to die, even if he wasn't happy about it? he was the one to encourage felix to go to battle, though trying to convince him not to go would've had the opposite effect. and right before felix gets shot, julius was thinking that people on horse make an easier target (something nicholas would know because the dauphin's men threw him off his own horse before that). so maybe if nicholas hadn't tried to save felix, felix would be alive. but who knows!!

and i love this. i think some readers are frustrated by how little they understand of nicholas as they read the series, but to me that just makes him more complex and more real. it's a testament to dunnett's prowess as an author that she can create a protagonist like this, and not only does she make it work, she keeps adding layer upon layer as the series continues. and nicholas is already super complex in this first book! by the end of his series there's so much going on with him, and somehow it's not chaotic at all. or, well, it is a chaotic, but a controlled and deliberate sort of chaos.

i could talk about nicholas's characterization forever. and i will in this ramblings 😁

let me finish this part with THEE quote of this book for me:

Nicholas said, “I thought of a way to do it. That was all.”

“And did it,” said Adorne. “Why?”

“To see what would happen,” said Nicholas flatly.

2.

For himself, Julius felt neither anger nor envy but a growing pleasure, and a growing curiosity. For whatever reason, it had begun. And now, what would come of it?

i know for a fact there are fans who don't like the julius reveal in gemini and don't think it makes sense on reread. i can't say i loved it when i read it, and i don't know yet how much sense it does or doesn't make, but at least i can say that in book 1 it was super fun to look at julius under a microscope.

i think i've mentioned this in my previous post, but julius was one of my favourite characters in the series because i think he's funny, and i love his reactions to the things nicholas does. because most of the time he's out there winning the idgaf war while everyone else is horrified. like tobie, he fulfilled his role in the story perfectly, but he was never that deep; and i was never going to write essays about him. he was just a silly guy.

but julius going from an amoral, selfish, entertainingly idiotic jerk, to a perfect example of lazy and opportunistic evil (while still being all those other things lol)? i do criticize dunnett's choice of leaving the reveal for the last half of the last book, but i do think that's really fun. and whether or not there are enough clues, or if they don't add up or only add up when dunnett wants them to, i will judge for myself. either way, taking a character that i enjoyed a fair amount on first reread because he was kinda dumb, and making me look at him really closely on reread... well i think that slays and i commend dorothy for it

[evansboyfriend]

I need you to know I have been going back and rereading this again and again its melting my DNA and rewriting it to genetically spell out Sal calling Tommy baby

This fic is fucking amazing thank you for gracing us with your writing skills

(Im totally not scared about the ending haha why would i be scared haha i knew it was going to end yet i still deluded myself into it not hahahahahaaaa)

Anyways cant wait for the next chapter

(Hope this isnt bothering you)

AAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! my entire day is made. are you kidding. thank you so much!!!! i literally wrote that smutty bit right before posting the chapter no beta we die like men. bottom sal possessed me idk what to say.

im sad about it ending too :( ill write other saltommy fic im sure of it but im sooo attached to the versions of them in this fic. they cant be happy together forever but they will each have their happy ending, dammit! 😭

thank you so much 🩷 you are the #1 saltommy shipper on this whole website thank you for all of your contributions 🩷

[isthisselfcare]

Please forgive my absence, I log into tumblr once every 4 business months

I have answered some asks but not all, for which I apologise 

hello! rereading your work for the second time, proud of myself for translating less words than before (this british english's got hands and they kick me a lot). i keep beating myself about the question: WHAT is the clue about the mole in chapter 1? you said it was paltry, i didn't believe you, now i'm trying to make my eyes fall out over finding said clue. spare me.

It was the line about Shacklebolt’s assistant, she was grouchy about Draco for no discernable (at the time) reason: ‘Draco scheduled a visit with the Minister of Magic later that week. He sauntered past the Minister’s sour-faced assistant on the designated day, wondering who had pissed in her Pixie Puffs.’

She’s the one who would’ve heard Hermione discussing her findings with Shacklebolt early on, and subsequently learned that this Notorious Auror was going to protect her. That’s the entire not-even-clue. Rubbish, isn’t it?

Hi, since you like Jerome K Jerome, I was wondering if you've read "Two and a half men in a boat" by Nigel Williams? He basically recreated the boat trip on Thames with his friends like in Jerome's book. Nowhere near as good as the original, but it's pretty funny! He emulates Jerome's wit quite well.

I have not, but will add this to my reading list! 

Is Hermione bi in your fic?

I am congenitally unable to write cishet women, so, yes, or pan, possibly. Didn’t get into her head enough to know 

hey girlie. what does "cutty-uppy" means? i can't find the definition anywhere

Sorry. That was a made up word, referring to the sort of people who cut people up, those terrible Muggle surgeons  

do you mind if your tags are used on other fics? i think your tags on DMATMOOBIL are a creative writing piece in their own right (they make me laugh sm) so I was a bit disturbed to find fics that copy them verbatim with no credit.

I don’t mind at all, AO3 tags take on their own self-referential, memeish life and I am happy to add mine to the ecosystem. My own tags on Mortifying include the ‘no X we die like men’ and ‘what is X if not Y persevering’ meme-phrases

do you see yourself writing more dramione in the future?

I haven’t any plans to do so at present, sorry!

Continuing an investigation to see if you are actually Hermione, can you do a taraskvana?

Hah. No. I've got a dodgy knee, I can hardly even sit cross-legged!

She's a 10 but she only has 1 story posted

It’s me!

Dont know If somebody has already asked you this - would it be okay to print Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love?

Printing for your personal use is fine

I noticed something about the Beltane chapter: "hippocampus" is a part of our brain's limbic system and one of its functions is memory formation, specifically creation  and consolidation thereof, so I thought it was very symbolic that Hermione and Draco were racing creatures  with the same name. Cause I feel like that chapter is a turning point in their relationship - Hermione stops seeing him as a barely tolerable pureblood ass. It's around that point that they really do start kind of liking each other  and start - if you will - forming new memories together! I know I'm just overthinking things, but I love dmatmoobil so much I'm constantly on the lookout for hidden meanings and symbolism.

There are a lot of easter eggs in the fic, but with this one, you have given me far too much credit. Thank you for sharing it! 

Will you be participating in the DHr advent?

Hiya, no, I had to decline as I hadn’t any writing time this autumn, honoured to have been invited, however, and eager to read the works!

Would you ever write a Tomione or a Sevmione?

I never say never, but frankly the possibility is remote. So sorry

Pain au chocolat ou chocolatine?

Scandaleux comme question, ça… pain au chocolat ! 

Re the “Marathon of chaos” on your Instagram. It’s been such a ride to not only follow your fanfic (I was an early adopter, which I know makes me sound like a hipster snob, and maybe I am one) but also watch it go from like 100 kudos to one of the top fics in the fandom. I’m here for your marathon and really grateful for all the work you put into MOBIL. Now for the question… when can we expect your next book? I don’t care if it’s Dramione, any other pairing, or any other fandom, or original fic, I WILL read it! Please continue to hit us with chaos!!!!

Thank you for your kind words! 

I haven’t got an answer on the timeline for the next piece, or whether I will link it with this online identity, but I am toying with the idea of writing it entirely in comic sans

Your Hermione was my gay awakening

If this is serious, I hope you find your own Hermione one day!

Can we please be friends? You sound like you would make a great one

Unfortunately, I am a rubbish friend who never responds to texts and cancels plans at every opportunity, you don’t want to know me 

I was so happy to see Uzbekistan mention in your story. That had never happened before. Thank you for mentioning my country 😻

You are welcome! Uzbekistan is honestly one of the most breath-taking countries I’ve ever visited – monuments that dwarf the Taj Mahal – unearthing the grand and bloody history of the Silk Road – stepping upon the same sands that the great Khans thundered across – seeing the ruins of the caravanserai – sheer magic! To say nothing of the hospitality of the people. I had far too much plov and quickly discovered my limit for vodka

You are my favorite cryptid

Cheeky. Thank you

And, finally, thank you to the person who sent me this article on a sacred relic that was stolen from an abbey and then returned ‘in an unceremonious cardboard box’! Hormone and Crotch are still at large

[libralita]

Theories on Trell based on the Preview Chapters

Okay, so instead of doing work, I decided to stay up late rereading the preview chapters for The Lost Metal to get an idea of what Brandon is setting up and I think I've come with a solid idea of what's going on here. And also how does Kelsier play into this.

In Alloy of Law, when Miles is executed he says, “You are fools! One day, the men of gold and red, bearers of the final metal, will come to you. And you will be ruled by them.”

This very much screams to me that he is talking about the people of Roshar. In Rhythm of War when Kaladin is killing the Pursuer, his eyes glow gold and the obvious glowing red association. The final metal could be a reference to shardplate.

~

Now, in chapter 8 we get more hints about what's happening with Trell. So first the cycle says that Trell has wanted Marasi in particular because, "Trell is choosing hosts. Avatars, bestowed with his power. How would you like to be the accomplishment that proves I'm worthy of immortality, lawwoman? All you have to do is die." So, for some reason Trell has a particular interest in Marasi. It also sounds like she would be killed in order to create hemalurgic spikes because of her allomancy. The pronouns are also interesting Autonomy has been referred to by 'they' pronouns.

Then when the Cycle dies, his eyes glow vivid red and in a strangely grating voice he says: "The ash comes again. The world will fall to it. You will get what you deserve, and all will wither beneath a cloud of blackness and a blanket of burned bodies made of ash. Your end-Your end comes. Either in ash, or at the hands of the men of gold and red. Gold and--"

Now, my Trell=Odium theory has been under the assumption that Trell is the god of the men of gold and red. However this reads to me as saying unless you follow Trell either the ash will return or you will be subjugated by men of gold and red. The men of red and gold are an outside threat.

~

Next, in chapter 15 we get the note.

“‘A note recovered from the site of your engagement with the Set,’ Vendell said. ‘LeeMar recovered it before the other investigating constables could notice.’ … ‘[The note] was in one of the boxes in the cavern,’ Vendell explained. ‘One of the few that weren’t destroyed in the explosions.’ ‘During the mission earlier,’ Marasi said, ‘I spotted a masked figure in dark clothing. I had a slowness bubble up a the time, and she approached as a blur. I got barely a glance at her before she left, but I think this must be from her.’ She turned the paper toward Wax, showing a simple message. We are watching, Marasi, it read. And we are impressed.”

So, the Set appears to be working for Trell to some degree and here we have a Ghostblood saying that they are impressed with Marasi. To me this could mean two things: 1) The Ghostbloods left the note for the Set to find, which means they are working with the Set. 2) The Ghostbloods left that note for Marasi, knowing that it would get to her somehow. That first one could mean that Kelsier really be living long enough to see himself become a villain.

Now that we're at the final series and with all of Wax chemistry shenanigans, it is making me start to believe that Scadrial is gearing up for the impending cosmere war. Scadrial needs more Mistborn to stand a chance against...well Roshar. And if what Wax did produces Lerasium then that might be the answer. And we know from Alloy of Law that the Set was trying to get women who were descendants of Spook in order to create more allomancers.

Now, this will mean that I will have to give up my Trell is Odium theory, however it is replace with pure smugness that I can feel after being right when I made this post.

Or Trell could just be Kelsier and he's just bullshiting about avatars again.

[blackevermore]

x I take the phrase in fanfiction "we die like men" too seriously. Maybe I wouldn't struggle as much if I just reread the fucking bulk of chapters before posting.

x I spam post hella chapters and then die for god knows how long, then come back and change the plot simply because I didn't reread.

[iviarellereads]

The Eye of the World, Prologue - Dragonmount

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

(Wheel icon)(1) In which you're right to be confused.

Sit down, relax, have a sip of tea, open the book: everyone is dead, and the architecture distorted from the flawed magic that killed them in myriad unpleasant ways.(2)

And then Lews Therin Telamon calls out for his wife. He's quite oblivious to the destruction around him, unable to see the woman laying dead, her final expression one of disbelief,(3) at his feet as he calls her name.

For a moment he fingered the symbol on his cloak, a circle half white and half black, the colors separated by a sinuous line. It meant something, that symbol.(4)

But he's easily distracted, here, now, until an old acquaintance comes calling, appearing out of the air in thigh high boots with silver trim the fandom still makes fun of when we reread this and remember. LTT doesn't remember him, though, only asks if he'd like to help with the Singing that will happen soon.(5)

"Shai'tan take you, does the taint already have you so far in its grip?"(6)

The stranger's name was once Elan Morin Tedronai, we don't get his current one, only a nickname: the Betrayer of Hope. LTT is known as the Dragon, and now Kinslayer. He's so far gone, he barely remembers that Shai'tan is a name that should never be spoken. It would seem that he, in his tainted madness, killed his own castle. His own home. His own wife. The Betrayer of Hope names a bunch of titles LTT once held, and is frustrated that now he's so much more powerful than LTT, and LTT has forgotten it all, forgotten him, all but forgotten reality itself.

The BOH says he won't let LTT die without recognizing how far he's fallen, and it's unfortunate that one of the Sisters isn't here, for he never had much skill with Healing,(7) and he uses a different power now.(8) And then, using some kind of magic that darkens the room, he heals LTT's mind.

Pain blazed in Lews Therin, and he screamed, a scream that came from his depths, a scream he could not stop. […] Slowly, ever so slowly, the pain receded. […] His eyes fell on the golden-haired woman, and the scream that was ripped out of him dwarfed every sound he had made before.

He crawls to her, screaming and weeping. BOH promises, he could have her back if he turned to the dark, even now. But, LTT remembers, now, that BOH's "foul master" has racked the world for ten years.

"This war has not lasted ten years, but since the beginning of time. You and I have fought a thousand battles with the turning of the Wheel, a thousand times a thousand, and we will fight until time dies and the Shadow is triumphant!"(9)

LTT swears vengeance for Ilyena, but BOH reminds him who led a futile attack that tainted male magic and drove all male channelers mad, and who killed everyone in this castle. LTT howls again, and in his grief, can't bear to stay in his home.

Desperately he reached out to the True Source, to tainted saidin, and he Traveled.(10)

He lands in a vast plain, near a river, and can sense that there are no people for hundreds of leagues.

He was still touching saidin, the male half of the power that drove the universe, that turned the Wheel of Time, and he could feel the oily taint fouling its surface, the taint of the Shadow's counterstroke, the taint that doomed the world. Because of him. Because in his pride he had believed that men could match the Creator[.](11)

He channels more than any one person can bear, begging the Light's forgiveness, and creates a massive volcano that just keeps growing.

At last the wind died, the earth stilled to trembling mutters. Of Lews Therin Telamon, no sign remained. Where he had stood a mountain now rose miles into the sky, molten lava still gushing from its broken peak. The broad, straight river had been pushed into a curve away from the mountain, and there it split to form a long island in its midst. The shadow of the mountain almost reached the island; it lay dark across the land like the ominous hand of prophecy.(12)

BOH watches from some distance, saying LTT can't escape that easily, then disappears. Then two fragments of in-world texts, prophecies about the Dragon being reborn.

And the Shadow fell upon the Land, and the World was riven stone from stone. The oceans fled, and the mountains were swallowed up, and the nations were scattered to the eight corners of the World. The moon was as blood, and the sun was as ashes. The seas boiled, and the living envied the dead. All was shattered, and all but memory lost, and one memory above all others, of him who brought the Shadow and the Breaking of the World. And him they named Dragon.(13) (From Aleth nin Taerin alta Camora, The Breaking of the World. Author unknown, the Fourth Age) And it came to pass in those days, as it had come before and would come again, that the Dark lay heavy on the land and weighed down the hearts of men, and the green things failed, and hope died. And men cried out to the Creator, saying, O Light of the Heavens, Light of the World, let the Promised One be born of the mountain,(14) according to the prophecies, as he was in ages past and will be in ages to come. Let the Prince of the Morning sing to the land that green things will grow and the valleys give forth lambs. Let the arm of the Lord of the Dawn shelter us from the Dark, and the great sword of justice defend us.(15) Let the Dragon ride again on the winds of time. (From Charal Drianaan te Calamon, The Cycle of the Dragon. Author unknown, the Fourth Age)(16)

=====

(1) Yep, this is the titular wheel itself. I will list the icons on all chapters, particularly because the audiobook readers don't get any indication they exist, but I'm not going to try to post an image of each one every time it comes up. If you don't mind a list that gives away a few concepts that come up through the series, this page has all the images and a one or two word descriptor for each, without giving away where or how many times they're used going forward. I think they're a really interesting little game: what does each chapter icon mean, who or what does it refer to in the world, what might you be able to learn about the meaning of a chapter from the icon? Not necessarily for this one, but keep it in mind, and I might give it away for each one when it becomes clear what it's meant to be. (2) I believe it's fair to tell you it was magic, considering the detail in the introductory paragraph. Lightning down corridors, flames that chase, and stones that flow like liquid. Certainly no natural force we know of. (3) And as the text says she's his wife, wouldn't you be surprised to be magic-murdered by your husband? (4) It sure does. A circle in two halves, the sinuous line… it could almost be a yin-yang, except no mention of an eye or dot exchanged. Still, might be worth keeping this one in mind. (5) Always fun to try and interpret Very Important Capitalized Words in the context of a new world, isn't it? What could the Voice and the Singing be, that we're not used to? (6) Shai'tan, Satan, fairly straightforward. Also, get used to seeing taint because it comes up a LOT and we all like to giggle at it despite its horrifying nature. (7) Another two odd capitals in succession. (8) So, multiple powers are available. (9) Part of the setup, or perhaps conceit, of this world is that time is utterly cyclical. Exact events may not repeat, but the broad strokes will. We don't know how long the cycle is, but this guy seems convinced that it's been cycling a very, very long time. (10) A lot of information and word-dropping here. I think it's safe to say, the True Source is one of many names given to the magic in this world, along with others we'll see along the way. Traveling is fairly self-explanatory, going from one place to another with magic. Saidin is the name for the male half of the source, which was tainted when…

(11) OK, contextualizing what information is here: LTT led the Hundred Companions against the Lord of the Dark (whoever or whatever that is) trying to win the long and wretched war that lay behind them. Instead, they failed, and the DO tainted the male half of the power so that anyone who channels it will go mad, and do little things like kill their loved ones. This isn't your typical "mental illness" sort of mad, but a literal corruption of sanity and body by magical influence directly from the antithesis of literal God. (12) The chapter-namer, Dragonmount, the Dragon's mountain. Born of his shame. Surely not a symbol of anything, nor will it ever come up in conversation again. (13) Funny, we were just told by someone who knew the Dragon that he earned that name before all that happened, since that's what was just beginning in this little prologue. Isn't it interesting how history can lose details in the twisting of time? (14) Hey look, a saying about being born on a mountain, when a very convenient one was just boomed into existence. (15) The other excerpt seemed to indicate that the Dragon was a bringer of death and chaos, but this one, if it's referring to the same man (which seems likely as they're both attached to the same prologue chapter), seems to frame him as an object of hope and protection. Both are given equal weight here. Again I say, it's funny how history, translation, time, and interpretation can shift our understanding. So, is the Dragon a man of destruction and chaos, or of protection and salvation? We have 15 books ahead of us, do you think it will be as simple as one or the other? (16) Also interesting (I'm gonna overuse that word a lot) that both these books are said to be from the Fourth Age. You'll see why literally in the first paragraph of chapter 1 so I don't feel bad saying it here.

[dhr-ao3]

Freshly Mown Grass New Parchment and Spearmint Toothpaste

Freshly Mown Grass, New Parchment, and Spearmint Toothpaste https://ift.tt/NsWcdoT by bellevie While Voldemort was no longer trying to kill them all, 8th year at Hogwarts was presenting with its own unique challenge: alpha, beta, and omega presentations were springing up left and right. The Department of Mysteries is making all students report what amortentia smells like to them in order to research attraction between compatible magical cores. Hermione is full of nerves and anticipation as she realizes the scent of her Ancient Runes partner just might match her amortentia. Harry and Ginny get it on, Hogwarts forces them to attend a mortifying sexual education class, ancient runic potions recipes must be interpreted, spin the bottle is played, Slughorn hosts a fancy alpha/omega party but people get rowdy, Ron gets jealous, walls come tumbling down, and there is a happily ever after. Story is completely written, just spacing out the chapter posting. Not beta read but I am rereading chapters before releasing each one. Words: 4174, Chapters: 1/7, Language: English Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, Parvati Patil, Padma Patil, Ernie Macmillan, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Zacharias Smith, Hannah Abbott, Susan Bones, Michael Corner, Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Daphne Greengrass, Pansy Parkinson, Millicent Bulstrode, Minerva McGonagall, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Poppy Pomfrey, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Horace Slughorn Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley Additional Tags: Omega Verse, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Hermione Granger, Alpha Harry Potter, Omega Ginny Weasley, Alpha Draco Malfoy, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Hogwarts Era, Post-War, Not Epilogue Compliant, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Knotting, Scenting, Explicit Sexual Content, Explicit Language, Porn With Plot, Possessive Behavior, Protective Draco Malfoy, Possessive Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley Bashing, Biting, Claiming Bites, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Horace Slughorn's Parties, Luna is the Best Quidditch Commentator, Spin the Bottle, Rutting, Medium Burn, A Different Kind of Chamber of Secrets, Inappropriate Use of the Potion Master's Private Chambers, no beta we die like men, Awkward Sexual Education Class, Everyone Doing the Dirty is of Legal Age in the Wizarding World, Beta Ron Weasley, A/B/O via AO3 works tagged 'Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy' https://ift.tt/unPXbxG May 19, 2023 at 04:42AM

[desperatecheesecubes]

Anyway since June is done and we’re officially halfway through the year let’s do a mid year reading review. This won’t include the single issue comics or the TPBs I’ve read but it will include any graphic novels I’ve read just FYI. It also doesn’t have the manga I read on here because I’m lazy.

There’s supposed to be a readmore cut here but tumblr keeps deleting them from my posts

:(

Blink-Malcom Gladwell: 0.5 stars. What a load of shit. Love to read about someone completely unqualified make random connections between different studies he clearly does not understand. Do not waste your time reading this.

Wolf by Wolf-Ryan Graudin: *Reread* 5 stars. If you haven’t read this series yet and you love/can handle heavy topics in literature do yourself a favor and pick it up.

View With a Grain of Sand: Selected Poems- Wistawa Szymborska: 3 stars I don’t read poetry very often but a few in this collection were phenomenal. There was one about school girls becoming monsters, I believe, and I remember it really struck me.

The Only Woman in the Room-Marie Benedict: 2 stars I don’t know how to describe it really but if you look at the authors picture she writes EXACTLY the way you would think she would. Absolutely no nuance. It’s a compelling narrative but someone else would have written it better.

Untamed-Glennon Doyle: 3 stars I really liked the part where she said ‘I don’t remember things. I write them.’ Because there were multiple times reading this that I went ‘oh fuck off your child did NOT say that’

Blood for Blood-Ryan Graudin: *reread* 5 stars See review for Wolf by Wolf

Courage to soar: A body in motion, a life in balance-Simone Biles: 3 stars Simone should have hired a better ghost writer. Also, holy crap her family is rich. I struggle with Amy ‘underdog’ narrative where literally all troubles are completely resolved before the person is in double digits. Not to knock on Simone’s childhood by any means, but I simply would not call it an underdog story.

Hench-Natalie Zina Walschots: *reread* 5 stars Everything I want from a superhero novel and more. God it’s so good. We love to see a woman succeed. I am SO excited that a sequel was announced you have no idea. One of these days I want to take this, How to Date a Superhero and Not Die Trying and Dr Horrible and write an essay about superhero’s and what they do to people but I will probably never get around to it.

Lost in the Moment and Founs-Seanan McGuire: 5 stars The Wayward Children series is so good man, it’s so good. Grief and loss and moving on and acceptance and living with what has happened to you and surviving and all handled so so brilliantly.

The Nightingale-Kristin Hannah: 5 stars I took my time getting to this one but I’m glad I did. It is as heavy and sad as people say but it is very very good. Much like Wolf by Wolf (and for the same reasons) this book is not for everyone but if you can handle the material I do recommend it.

Crying in H Mart-Michelle Zauner: 4 stars A very honest narrative of grief and loss. If you’ve lost a loved one recently I recommend this for some good ole cathartic crying.

To Kill a Mockinbird-Harper Lee: *reread* 5 stars It’s a classic for a reason, what more can I say? When I read this in high school I hadn’t yet had to live in Missippi though so it was really interesting to revisit it with that knowledge. I also deeply enjoyed the book club Gi, Mike and I formed for this book haha.

The Woman at the Front-Lecia Cornwall: 2.5 stars This was the authors first non romance book and you could tell. Why was it necessary for all the men to fall into love with the protagonist???? On the war front????? Who has time for that!

Me Malcom’s List-Suzanne Allain: 3 stars This was a really funny read. If you want to just kick back and read a Regency romp this is a perfect book for it. Nothing deep, no smut, just a fun time.

Chivalry of a Failed Knight vol 4- Riku Misora: 3 stars Every day I wake up and wish Alice was in a better series. It’s not BAD it’s just very average.

Even Though I Knew the End- C.L. Polk: 4 stars I really would have enjoyed this as a novella series or a full length novel. Who doesn’t love crime solving historical lesbians??

Teen Titans: Robin-Kami Garcia & Gabriel Picolo- 3 stars The fact that they had Dick and Damian have an age gap of only like 3 years was so jarring to me haha. The pacing in this one wasn’t the best that the series has had either but I’m excited for the next installment, they’re pretty fun for what they are.

Mysteries of Thorn Manor-Margaret Rogerson: 3 stars This was so fun, I love these guys so much and I was DELIGHTED that we’d get more in their world. If it was a little longer I’m sure it would have wheedled 4 stars out of me. Elisabeth stomping around in the full body armor all day had me laughing out loud. I should reread Sorcery of Thorns.

Miss Latimore’s Letter-Suzanne Allain: 3.5 stars This one thought a little bit more about what it wanted to say which lead to a bit of a deeper story but also a slower pace. Still fun but less gut busting than Allain’s first novel.

The Rebel Mages-Laurie Forest: *reread* 5 stars Embarking upon my yearly reread of the Black Witch Chronicles. I need everyone to read these books I am OBSESSED with them. I’ll spare you a paragraph after each entry but just now I am, at all times, screaming about Lukas Gray. I love that boy beyond all reason.

The Black Witch-Laurie Forest: *reread* 5 stars

The Iron Flower-Laurie Forest: *reread* 5 stars

Castle in the Air-Diana Wynne Jones: 4 stars Solidly the second best entry in the Howls Moving Caslte trilogy, the audible narrator for this one was brilliant, I loved listening to it. Abdullah is so fucking funny, why is he like this all the time????

The Poet X-Elizabeth Acevedo: 4 stars The main characters struggle with her relationship with her mother was one I relate to very much. The struggle to exist in the body of a woman and to suddenly be responsible for other people’s reactions to it?? Yeah that hit close to home too.

The Shadow Wand-Laurie Forest: *reread* 4 stars Listen I am Lukas Grays biggest fan but I can also admit that this one struggled with pacing a little bit. Like it’s still phenomenal but I’m also HONEST.

An Enchantment of Ravens- Margaret Rogerson: 3 stars There were significantly less ravens than I expected. Sorcery of Thorns is undeniably the better book.

The Demon Tide-Laurie Forest: *reread* 4 stars It’s at this point in the series where you lament the fact that Forest wasn’t able to publish the side novellas she wanted to. This is somehow a 700 page Valentine’s Day novella and then about 100 pages of extreme action at the end. You might say to yourself, Cheese your not selling this very well. I do not need to. The first book will sell it all for me.

Raybearer-Jordan Ifueko: *reread* 4 stars The world building of this is so brilliant.

The Ones We Burn-Rebecca Mix: 3 stars First of all the fact that Mix managed to finish and publish this after a TBI deserves to be commended. HEAVILY inspired by ATLA haha. As for the accusations that this book is a reverse racism fantasy…. 1.) the ‘oppressors’ we’re children who were actively working to change the corrupt system they’d inherited 2.) it is stated multiple times that the ‘oppressed’ were very diverse. Yeah the main character was white but not all of the witches were. But everyone is allowed to come to their own conclusions. All in all I think it had some good things to say but suffered from repetition and first-publication sloppiness. I’d be interested to see what else Mix puts out.

Unbreakable-Mira Grant: 5 stars Seanan McGuire does magical girls? There was never a possibility this wouldn’t get 5 stars from me. Would love more entires in this world. A prequel???? Please???

Slaughter House Five-Kurt Vonnegut: 4 stars It’s a classic. So it goes.

Redemptor-Jordan Ifueko: 3 stars No one was more devastated that this book fell victim to second-published-Book-syndrome than me. I do hope Ifueko continues to write novels but this one was a let down.

& This is How to Stay Alive-Shingai Njeri Kagunda: 4 stars Magical surrealism doesn’t always work for me but I do love me some explorations of grief

House of Many Ways-Diana Wynne Jones: 3 stars Definitely the weakest in the trilogy. I loved seeing Howl and Sophie again and am forever grieved that this is all we’ll ever have of them.

Bitter Medicine-Mia Tsai: 4 stars All in all a brilliant debut. I really enjoyed how mature the characters were, misunderstandings were clarified as soon as they were discovered, they both let the other explain themselves even when they were emotional. This is how you write adult romance YALL. Can’t wait for Tsai’s next publication.

Blade of Secrets-Tricia Levenseller: 3 stars Levenseller books are so easy to read. Just quick and simple light reading. I’ll have to pick up the sequel at some point.

The Secret Service of Tea and Treason-India Holton: 4 stars I don’t remember if the characters are explicitly stated to be autistic or if they’re just canonically neurodivergent with a general hand wavy diagnoses but it was nice to see some representation in romance all the same. This trilogy is so funny, but I think this one is probably the weakest link.

To Have and to Hoax-Martha Waters: 2 stars Take a shot every time James says some variation of ‘he WAS a man after all’ and you’ll die of alcohol poisoning. Why did Violet get pardoned of all guilt while James was treated as having been completely in the wrong the entire time???? There’s one VERY shoehorned conversation amongst the supporting cast that was clearly included just to set up the next book in the series and it was very jarring. That being said the writing itself is good.

The Hunger Games-Suzanne Collins: *reread* 5 stars: Yes haha we all know I reread this series and lost my mind

Catching Fire-Suzanne Collins: *reread* 5 stars

Mockingjay-Suzanne Collins: *reread* 5 stars

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes-Suzanne Collins: 5 stars I was hesitant to pick this up but it turns out that was foolish because whoops it’s a banger. Big hype for the movie. I don’t care if I’m falling for the capitalization of the anti capitalism series.

The Kiss of Deception- Mary E. Pearson: *reread* 4 stars I think this was the first time I’ve read this trilogy since high school and I wasn’t really expecting it to hold up, but it has aged very well. I love the concept of having a prince and an assassin after the main character with not even the reader knowing who’s who. After the halfway mark it really diverges from your typed YA affair into deeper territory and I appreciate that a lot.

The Hunger Games-Suzanne Collins: *reread* 5 stars Yes yes I was crazy to reread this series twice in a month I KNOW

Catching Fire-Suzanne Collins: *reread* 5 stars

Mockingjay-Suzanne Collins: *reread* 5 stars

The heart of Betrayal-Mary E. Pearson: *reread* 4 stars high school me enjoyed this one the least but honestly it does so much heavy world building and fleshes out the different cultures so we’ll.

The Beauty of Darkness-Mary E. Pearson: *reread* 5 stars I love Rafe he’s such a good love interest. It would be easier to recommend these books if they didn’t have the most unfortunate YA titles ever.

Daughter of the Moon Goddess- Sue Lynn Tan: *reread* 4 stars The writing for this duology is so fascinating to me. It’s very similar to how many Japanese light novels read once translated. Anyway Liwei must be protected at all costs. A very comforting read.

The Remarkable Retirement of Edna Fisher- E.M. Anderson: 5 stars Holy shit was an awesome debut!!! I was really surprised by how quickly I fell in love with the found family in this. Just brilliant. Can’t wait for Andersons next work I will definitely be picking it up.

The Princess and the Grilled Cheese-Deya Muniz: 3 stars This was very cute. I enjoyed that the author didn’t care about historical accuracy with clothing and decided to really play around with it by including obviously out of place things like refrigerators and Switches. As anyone who knows me knows I am crazy about historical fashion but as long as the material knows it’s not being serious I won’t take it serious either.

Rosemary and Rue-Seanan McGuire: 3 stars At this point I should just admit that I will read pretty much whatever McGuire puts out. Her writing is extremely suited to my tastes.

Strangers In Court-Seanan McGuire: 3 stars Turns out I love Tybalt. Who would have guessed?

Legendborn-Tracy Deonn: *reread* 5 stars Yeah no this series in brilliant and if you haven’t read it you absolutely should. Love me some good Arthurian stories

Bloodmarked-Tracy Deonn: 5 stars Surprising no one I love Sel

[except4bunnies]

Jetzt wo ich wieder da bin 😅: 29, 35, 36, 37 & 80 - I wondered about that thing you mentioned in the reply of question nr 80 you asked me: What is it that pulls you to write Julia and Julia & Tine 😊?

Here we go again. Thanks for asking! No coffee though, it’s too late for that🍷🛁😁

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

Mmh. I‘m careful with my words and try to bring a kind of rhythm to my sentences. I don’t know if that makes sense? But I care very much about the how of my writing and I think I’m slowly getting somewhere with that.

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

Usually the most recent one :D But I have a soft spot for „Matters of the heart“. It’s Falke‘s POV, there’s a hotel bar, there’s banter, there’s a coming out of some sorts and I got rid of Philipp, the grey haired nuisance nobody’s interested in. It‘s a bittersweet snack of a story and it was a pleasure to write.

36. What fic are you proudest of?

It might be the first one with Julia Grosz, actually. Not because it’s „the best“ but because I hadn‘t written creatively for quite some time, it took a bit to get back into the flow and I was not completely sure I got the characters right. But I did write it anyway and after taking some deep breaths I posted it. I reread it recently and I like it. I still think it could play out between Julia and Tine like this, especially with how Julia behaves in „Querschläger“.

37. What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

I really, really struggled with „Die freie Auswahl“. I wanted to write about the nostalgia a funfair brings with it and move Julia’s and Tine’s story forward and provide a convincing backstory for Julia and I don’t think I thought all of that really through before I started to write. In the end, all came mostly together though.

80. What is it that pulls you to write Julia and Julia & Tine?

Julia is an intriguing character and a nice challenge to write because we know enough to get some ideas but there are still many blanks one can fill. And I like that a) she does not need or want to please people but is still usually polite and even kind at heart (that’s a rare but likable combination) and b) has clearly gone through some tough stuff without it becoming her defining point or only personality trait. And I thought she was queer before I even knew „Querschläger“ existed so there’s obviously that :D (And she’s hot.) Julia and Tine have a nice dynamic that is enjoyable to write though in the reality of Tatort I‘m fine with how things went between them. I absolutely love writing Falke and Julia, though. I think straight men and queer women can be wonderful colleagues and friends and that’s how I see them.

[peachy-panic]

Already a Number

NO PLOT, ALL WHUMP. Brought to you by this conversation I had with @hold-him-down once. Early Jaime. 

WARNINGS: BBU/BBU-Adjacent, restraints, gags, clinical setting, detached whumper, noncon body mod (I guess?), forced tattoo removal

“How high would you rate your pain tolerance on a scale of one to ten?”

The question makes Jaime look up from where he’s unlacing his cleats. He slides his foot off the edge of the bench, letting it hit the locker room floor with a thud.

“I’m afraid to ask why,” he says warily.

Derek smiles at him with a look Jaime knows means trouble.

They just finished their first game of the season and walked off the field winners. Jaime’s heart is still pounding from the doozy of a fourth quarter, his curls matted to his forehead and his jersey discarded on the locker room floor.

He tries very hard—and mostly succeeds—not to let his eyes drift down to Derek’s bare chest.

“Dylan knows a guy,” Derek says, shimmying out of his shorts. “He’s willing to give us a group discount if we go get our numbers inked tonight. Celebrate our win.”

Jaime blinks at him. “Matching tattoos?” he asks, incredulous. “Seriously?”

“Well. ‘Matching’ implies we’re all getting the same number. So, no.”

“Smartass.”

“You’re in, right?” When Jaime hesitates, Derek swats him with his rolled up shirt. “Come on, J. Don’t be a party pooper.”

He laughs, batting away his halfhearted strikes.  “How would me not putting permanent ink on my body, in any way, poop on your party?”

“Because,” Derek answers confidently, “it won’t be fun if you’re not there.”

Oh.

Well that… okay.

Jaime quickly turns to his locker, pretending to be very preoccupied with the task of shoving his cleats into his bag.

Judging by the smile on Derek’s face when Jaime turns around, they both know he’s won.

__

He lets Derek talk him into the inner arm, right on the curve of his bicep. Jaime has never thought much about that area–particularly how sensitive it might be under a series of needle strikes–until he lifts his arm above his head and grips the leather headrest on the tattoo chair.

Dylan and Xavier are already across the room, admiring their new tattoos in the mirror along the wall, but Jaime can’t look away from the artist’s eyes as he scans over his blank canvas.

It’s fine, he tells himself. It’s the number seven; two strokes of a tattoo gun and it’s over. He can handle that.

“Nervous?” Derek asks from beside him. He’s sitting in an identical chair parallel to his, arm arched up over his head in a mirror image of Jaime’s. He tries not to let his eyes linger too long on the pale stretch of his muscle obstructing half his face.

Jaime levels him a look. “No,” he lies.

Derek smiles.

“Ready?” The tattoo artist raises her gun and catches his eye.

Jaime manages a stiff nod, and an even less convincing smile, then tightens his fingers around the edge of the headrest.

“Hey.” His eyes flick over to Derek’s once more, then fall to the outstretched hand he is offering.

Jaime stares at it for a moment, then forces his body to cooperate. Tentatively, he reaches out and joins their hands in the space between their chairs.

He squeezes tight when the tip of the gun makes first contact, but that’s not the sensation that has his skin buzzing from the inside out.

***

~SIX MONTHS LATER

Jaime is still riding out the tail-end of withdrawal when a handler drags him out of his cell and into a room he hasn’t seen before. 

It’s long and narrow, lined with three identical stainless steel tables. The one furthest from the door is occupied, but Jaime doesn’t get a close look at the figure before he is hauled roughly onto his own table.

A palm on his chest crushes him flat, and there’s another set of hands on him right away; one person on each side of him, pulling his arms above his head with practiced, detached efficiency. His legs are next. He doesn’t have the strength to even think about resisting by the time his limbs are locked down.

His head is still pounding, and the nausea he’s been fighting for a week has been stirred again by the exertion of traveling from his cell.

He turns his head at the sound of a muffled cry. The man on the other table jerks wildly in his restraints as a woman in a lab coat hovers over his forearm. Jaime can’t make out what’s happening from his vantage point, but it’s painful, whatever it is. His heart hammers a little harder in his chest.

“Just the one.” The handler’s voice draws his attention back. “On his arm.” Jaime blinks as he realizes he is not talking to him, but to the lab worker hovering on the other side of the table.

Cold realization settles over him as the man focuses his gaze on the tattoo on Jaime’s inner arm. A cursory glance at the screaming man confirms it.

When the woman at his side sits back long enough to readjust her stance, Jaime sees the half-faded sleeve of ink along the length of his arm.

Sweat prickles on his back, uncomfortably slick against the table.

He doesn’t mean to, but he must make some sort of noise that is interpreted as resistance, because the handler releases a sigh and reaches under the table. A second later, Jaime is resisting; hands pulling uselessly at his restraints at the sight of that… that fucking—

A hand in his hair yanks his head back, and the bit is forced between his teeth before he can so much as plead. He breathes through the panic as the straps are secured behind his head.

“Seven, huh?” The man in the lab coat asks, dragging an alcohol wipe over his tattoo. Jaime can’t suppress the flinch, and he wonders if he will ever get used to people touching him so casually. So freely.

The man doesn’t seem particularly cruel, which is more than he can say for most of the other employees he’s met so far. It almost feels like he’s genuinely curious and trying to make conversation, despite the gag pressing Jaime’s tongue down.

The handler at his side is not so charitable. He leans down until he’s staring directly into Jaime’s eyes, less than a foot away.

“Already used to being marked as a number.” His eyes dance with naked amusement over Jaime’s face. “Should make for an easy transition.”

Jaime breathes heavily through his nose, refusing to look away.

“I’ve got him from here,” the lab worker interjects tersely.

Jaime exhales as the handler pulls away, but his relief is short-lived. Latex snaps around the other man’s hand, followed by the mechanical whir of a machine coming to life. He drags his eyes over to meet his once again.

“You’re lucky,” the man says, pulling on his other glove. “It’s a small tattoo, not particularly dark. It should only take a few rounds.”

He has learned by now to answer direct statements with a nod of acknowledgment, so he does. A twitch of something apologetic betrays the man’s features for half a second.

“Still, it won’t be pleasant,” he explains, as if there is not a man actively screaming through the process twenty feet to his left. “Normally patients are numbed for this procedure, and it would be done in sessions.”

No need to elaborate on the unspoken ‘but.’

“You might want to bite down on that.”

That’s the only precursor he gets. The sound of the snap reaches him before the pain does, but it’s not far behind.

He tries to remember the sensation of Derek’s fingers twisted in his.

Thirty minutes pass.

That’s how long it takes to force the first, but certainly not the last, good memory from Jaime. Not all of the ones that follow are removed in such a physically poetic way as ink being pulled from flesh.

By the time he is released from his restraints, the man across the room is on his third bout of unconsciousness.

Good, Jaime thinks as he is pulled from the room. He hopes, for his sake, this one sticks.

__

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[fantastic-nonsense]

Your post has got me rereading some early Oracle stuff and now I am crying about Kim Yale.

She really was everything, wasn't she?

Yeah, Kim Yale is one of my comic industry heroes. I don't think people realize how much of Barbara Gordon's continued relevance as a character after The Killing Joke we owe to her. She was a one-woman whirlwind of determination to do better by the female characters of DC than the men who saw them as disposable, and she deserves SO much more credit than she gets for it:

The Bat office was done with Batgirl at that point. Barbara no longer fit into their plans. Kim and I asked if we could have her and we were told that. So we re-created her as Oracle. To us, it was important that the act have consequence. We didn’t want Barbara to magically recover. Given the violence she had endured, we felt she would be paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair. However, we felt she could still be a hero.........Kim and I felt that, if we did the job well, Oracle could become an important part of the DCU. It solved writing problems for other writers; how did their protagonist learn a necessary plot point? They went to Oracle. She went on to become a valued member of the Justice League and led the Birds of Prey in their own book.

The last story that Kim and I worked on together before she died was Oracle Year One, drawn by the wonderful Brian Stelfreeze. We showed that year as Barbara made the transition from broken hero to dynamic Oracle. She became a strong and much loved icon for the disabled community. In making her a hero again, Oracle allowed others to heal with her. The reader healed with her. -John Ostrander, "Savaging Barbara Gordon"

............................................

Almost immediately, Kim Yale had a problem with [The Killing Joke]. Discussing her dislike of the treatment of Batgirl in the issue with her husband, John Ostrander, the two formulated a plan to address what would happen next for Barbara. As Ostrander recalls, “There were no plans for her in the continuity at that time. We decided that if that happened, we weren’t just going to make her better magically — we wanted to explore what happened when someone like her was crippled and how she would respond.”

In late 1988, Oracle made her first appearance, but only as the name “Oracle,” a hacker who aided the Suicide Squad, in Suicide Squad #23. Oracle aided the Squad for the next year, with hints given to their identity piling up (and Oracle started appearing in Ostrander and Yale’s Manhunter). Finally, in Suicide Squad #38, in early 1990, Oracle was revealed to the readers as Barbara Gordon! [x]

Also.....knowing she (co-)wrote Oracle: Year One while incredibly sick and about to die from breast cancer really makes these scenes hit different, doesn't it?

You know, when you're healthy, when you're whole, there're a million siple things you do every day that you take completely for granted. Things that, for me, were no longer so simple. Such as getting in a car. I used to just jump in and jump out, like most people. Now every move had to be planned...almost choreographed. In full view of everyone.

The internet was a community of people talking-arguing, romancing, helping one another-and you didn't even have to use your real name. You were simply who you were onling. I found enormous freedom-and complete acceptance-there, and for a time in my life, the cybernet was more real to me than the world outside my window. In a strange way, I became more real to me as well. More content, more happy.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore." "Fear's useful, in moderation. What do you really want?" "To walk again. Can you fix that?" "Nope, that's not what you're really seeking." "I want my life back!" "That's who you were, not who you are. Who are you?" "I...I don't know. I don't know if I ever knew..."

A little over a year has passed since my old life ended, since I died and was reborn. The shadows remain, but only to give contrast to the light. I am no longer a distaff impersonation of someone else. I'm me-more me than I have ever been. My life is my own. I embrace it, and the light, with a deep, continuing joy.

I genuinely think that everyone should have to read Suicide Squad: Out of Control and Oracle: Year One and then hear the story of how Kim Yale fought for Barbara before making comments about how "misogynistic" it is for Barbara to continue to be Oracle instead of being magically healed or whatever.

Yes, TKJ is awful, and we all hate it. I'd rather it was erased from publication and peoples' memories. But John Ostrander and Kim Yale (and later writers like Chuck Dixon and Gail Simone) took that story and created a powerful narrative of agency reclamation, healing, and closure out of it, a story undoubtedly informed by Yale's own health battles. Barbara's injury being rooted in a sexist story doesn't mean that Oracle, the product of two very dedicated writers determined to re-shape that trauma into a source of power, is bad or that wanting that representation back is gross.

So if you want to remove TKJ from the equation, that's fine! Have her become disabled another way; The Oracle Code and Young Justice have shown potential paths forward on that front. But erasing Oracle, especially while keeping TKJ canon and forcing Babs to remain Batgirl as the post-Flashpoint Universe has, only perpetuates the story's sexism further by denying Babs closure and agency over her own story, erasing two other women (one of whom is herself disabled), refusing her the permanent character growth that the other male Batfamily members receive...and doing Kim Yale a grave disservice by calling a hero created in direct defiance of an editorial & marketing team that had no use for Babs, wanted to get rid of her, and didn't see the point in making her a hero again "misogynistic."

Barbara wasn’t ever supposed to become Oracle in the first place, because DC had zero plans for her. She was gone, her usefulness outlived. But Ostrander and Yale thought differently. “Batgirl" was ultimately SAVED because of Oracle, and to deny Babs (and her readers) that story of agency reclamation and personal growth is as cruel as writing the story that took it away from her in the first place.

[miadzudza]

SPOILER WARNING

@saezuru-analysis-another

Thank you so much. Yes, you answered all my questions, in great detail and depth. Emphasizing the nuance of the Japanese language and offering multiple possible meanings was especially helpful. It makes sense that the author used vague language on purpose. Also, Yashiro has always been an extremely unreliable narrator, so he might not be aware of the cause himself. Narratively, thematically, psychologically - it would make more sense that his incapability to feel pleasure during sex with other men (especially violent sex, which he was probably seeking) is directly linked to his experience with Doumeki. He's had misconceptions about himself before, but it would honestly surprise me if he doesn't make this connection eventually.

Yes, he knew making love to Doumeki was dangerous ( "don't break me"). I don't know if he could predict his impotence or the depth of his heartbreak, but he definitely felt overwhelming dread and inevitable loss. He revealed in chapter 23 that he was afraid how deepening relationship with Doumeki would eventually make it impossible for him to lose Doumeki. And I think he was right. He cornered himself by falling in love. Even if he tried to embrace love back then, it would have still destroyed him; I think it would have likely turned into dysfunctional codependent relationship. Yashiro wasn't prepared for love, he wasn't capable of processing anything that was happening to him back then - not his feelings, not Doumeki's affection, not his own newfound pleasure experienced through non-violent sex. His requited love was in contradiction with every lie his child-self created in order to survive. He rationalized his actions with the desire to protect Doumeki from Yakuza, but I have always thought he felt resistance on a fundamental level - it was deep, existential fear that made him wish to abandon Doumeki. Personally, I don't believe he planned to live that long to see the consequences of their intimacy and heartbreak anyway, I think he meant to die facing Hirata. So pushing Doumeki away (after they both survived) was necessary. He needed these four years to process everything, they both did. Even though they've caused a lot of pain to each other, I think their love has better odds now. Of course Doumeki loves him, but they still have a long way before their love can be shared in a healthy way. Ideally, they will find a way to get out of yakuza and go to therapy, but I don't dare to hope that much. :)

Thanks again. Your translations really help. I've read all chapters you published on your site during my reread of the manga, and it cleared a lot of dilemma. I'm glad we shared impressions and interpretations. And please, stop apologizing to me. :) I've just started posting here, I don't even know how to make posts appear in search tags, so I'm way more lost in being on tumblr than you are. :D

[apocalypticgargoyle]

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